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#try sending them an ask

crimeronan · 10 months

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i've seen a couple people in the notes of this very good post about fictional polyamory by @thebibliosphere say things along the lines of "oh, i've been doing it wrong :(" or "how do i know if i did this right??" or "i should probably give up and start over, i wrote this badly :(" and. no!!!!

(i AM seeing far MORE people say "oh, this clarified and helped me so much, i think i know how to fix issues i've been having with my own story" which. YES!!!!)

listen. if you're a monogamous person who's writing a polyamorous relationship, and you've been focusing mainly on The Triad and All Three Together All The Time as the endgame, that's literally fine. that's a perfectly acceptable and strong starting point for your plotting, imo. you do not need to give up on a story that you've started like this.

but the things discussed in the post Can and Should improve your execution!

you can keep the same plot beats and overall relationship arc 100%. polyamorous relationships are infinite in their formations, every one is unique. "basically a monogamous romance but with three people" Does exist, as a relationship type. you're not hashtag Misrepresenting (TM) poly people with it

BUT i do think it will help to read up on some poly people talking about how their relationships Differ from monogamous ones.

so i have outlined some basic important concepts about polyamory.

MORE IMPORTANTLY though, i've broken down some questions that you can answer throughout the writing process to strengthen your individual dyad relationships, your individual characterization, & your characters' individual feelings/experiences. this is a writing resource have fun

future kitkat butting in to say i spent over two hours writing this and it definitely needs a readmore. it is also NOT comprehensive. but everything should be pretty simple to follow! feel free to reblog if you find it helpful yourself or just want to reward me for how gotdan long this took KSLDKFJKDL.

i've grabbed quick links for a couple of the important concepts, some have SEO pitches in them but the info largely seems to be good. (if i missed anything Egregiously Gross on these sites i should be able to update the links with better ones later, since they're under the readmore.)

sidenote: this is NOT meant to be overwhelming, despite the length. if you can't read all of this, that's Okay. you do not need to give up on your writing.

here we go:

compersion!

compersion is a BIG thing in a lot of polyamorous relationships. it's joy derived from seeing two (or more) of your partners happy together, or joy derived from seeing your partner happy with someone else.

compersion is really important as a concept because it highlights that every individual relationship within a polycule is different -- and that that's a GOOD thing. it's sort of the inverse of jealousy.

by the "inverse of jealousy," i mean that instead of feeling left out and upset and possessive, you feel happy/joyous/content.

i can use personal experience as an example: it's a Relief for me when my partners receive joy/support/sex/romance/etc that i can't (or prefer not to) give them. and i love seeing my partners make each other laugh and be silly together.

it's 100% okay for a poly triad not to be together 100% of the time, it doesn't mean that the third member is being left out or not treated equally when two people do things alone together.

(i have individual dates with my partners all the time! PLUS larger 3-and-4-person date nights.)

if the third member DOES feel jealous or left out, then the polycule can have a conversation to figure out what needs/wants aren't being met, and solve that. this happens semi-regularly in my polycule, as it will happen in any relationship (including monogamous ones)! it's just part of being an adult, sometimes you have to talk about feelings.

metamours!

a metamour is someone who is dating your partner, but ISN'T dating you. this may not be relevant for people writing closed three-person romantic sexual triads, but it's a super helpful term to know.

the linked article also lists different types of metamour relationships with some fun phrasing i hadn't heard before. the tl;dr is: sometimes you'll be domestic cohabitation friends, sometimes you'll be buddies with your own friendship, sometimes you might not interact much outside of parties, every relationship is different.

there's no one-size-fits-all requirement for metamour relationships. sometimes polyamorous people will end up dating their metamour after a while (has happened to me), sometimes polyamorous people will break up with one partner for normal life reasons, but remain friendly metamours.

the goal of polyamory is NOT for EVERYONE to fall in love. it is 100% okay if this happens in your story, it happens in real life too! but it is also 100% okay for characters to be metamours without ever becoming "more than friends."

(sidenote: try to kill any internalized "more than" that you have when it comes to friendship. friends are just as important and special and vital as partners.)

of course there are a million ways for messiness to occur with metamours within a complex polycule, exactly like with close-knit platonic friend groups. however this post is not about that! there's enough "here's how polyamory can go wrong" stuff out there already, so i'm focusing on the positives here :)

open versus closed polyamorous relationships!

i'm struggling to find an online article that reflects my experience without directly contradicting at least SOME stuff. so i'll give a quick rundown

google has a bunch of conflicting definitions of open relationships and whether open relationships are different from polyamory. the general consensus seems to be that an open relationship prioritizes one partnership (often a marriage), but that each partner can have extraneous flings or long-term commitments (most often sexual in nature).

this is not typically how i use the term wrt polyamory. the poly concept is pretty simple. a closed polyamorous relationship is one with boundaries like a monogamous one. there are multiple partners in the polycule, but they are not interested in having anybody new join said polycule.

an open polyamorous relationship tends to be more flexible -- it just means that IF someone in the polycule develops mutual feelings for a new person, it's fine for them to become part of said polycule if they want to! the relationship/person is open to newcomers.

some groups will need to negotiate this all together, others will just go "haha, you kids have fun." just depends on the individuals!

with open AND closed polyamorous relationships, the most important thing is making sure that there's respectful communication and that everyone is on the same page. but there's no one-size-fits-all way to do that.

i wish i could give you guys a prescriptive "You Must Do It This Way" guide, but that's.... basically the opposite of what polyamory is about, HAHA.

feelings for multiple people!

i was gonna tack this on to the previous section but decided it warranted its own lil bit.

a defining feature (....i'm told?) of monogamous relationships is that a monogamous person only has feelings for One individual at a time. they only want a relationship with one individual at a time. or, if they DO have feelings for multiple people simultaneously, they're still only comfortable dating one person at a time & being exclusive with that one person.

this is perfectly fine!

the poly experience is generally different from this. but once again..... polyamorous people all have different individual perspectives on this.

for me, i have never been able to draw hard boxes around romantic vs sexual vs platonic relationships, & i love many people at once. my personal polycule lacks many strict definitions beyond "these are my chosen people, i want to forge a life with them indefinitely, whatever shape that life takes"

some poly people feel explicit romantic or sexual attraction to multiple people at once, some poly people feel almost no romantic or sexual attraction at all. i'd say that MOST poly people feel different things for different partners, which is not a bad thing!

some poly people are even monogamous-leaning -- they have just chosen one romantic partner who is themselves part of a larger polycule. (so this monogamous-leaning person has at least one metamour!)

or alternatively, they might have one romantic partner AND a qpr, or other ways of defining relationships. (this is a factor in my own polycule!)

i made this its own point because if you're writing a straightforward triad, this is unlikely to come up in the story itself -- but it's worth thinking about how your characters develop/handle feelings outside of their partnerships.

like, is this sort of a soulmateship, 'these are the only ones for me' type deal? in which they won't fall in love with anyone else, and can be fairly certain of that?

that's pretty close to typical monogamous standards but you Can make it work. just be thoughtful with it

alternatively, can you see any of these characters falling in love Again after the happily-ever-after? and how would the triad approach it, if so? what would they all need to talk about beforehand, and what feelings would everybody have about the situation?

it's worth considering these questions even if the hypothetical will never feature in your actual canon, because knowing the answers to these questions will help you understand all of the individuals & their relationship(s) MUCH better.

i've been typing this for nearly two hours and there's a lot more i COULD say because... there's just a lot to say. i'll close out with some quick questions that you can ask yourself when developing the dyad dynamics within your triad

first, take a page and create a separate section for each individual dyad. then answer these questions for every pair:

how does each pair act when alone?

how do they act differently alone compared to when they're with their third partner?

are there any elements of this dyad (romantic, sexual, financial, domestic, etc) that these two people DON'T have with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

are there any boundaries or hard limits within this dyad that aren't shared with the third partner?

if so, what are they?

partner 3 goes out of town alone for a few weeks. what are the remaining two doing in their absence?

(doesn't have to be anything special, it's just to get a sense of how the two interact on a day-by-day basis without the third there)

what is something that each partner in the dyad admires about the other -- that they DON'T necessarily see in the third partner?

what problem do These Two Specifically need to solve in the story before their relationship will work?

how is that problem DIFFERENT from the problems being solved within the other two dyads?

doing this for ALL THREE dyads is VITAL imo. that way, you develop complex and nuanced and different relationships that all have unique dynamics.

those questions should be enough to get you started, i hope

then After you've charted the differences in relationships, you can start to jot down similarities in the overarching triad. what does one person admire in Both of their partners? what are activities that all three like to do together? what are boundaries or discussions that all three share?

but the main goal is to figure out how to Differentiate each relationship!

a polycule is only as strong as the individual relationships within it. if two people are struggling with their own relationship, adding a third person won't fix that.

(UNLESS the third person is the catalyst for those two to, like, Actually Communicate And Work Their Shit Out. i just mean that the old adage of "maybe if we just add a third-" works about as well to fix a miserable non-communicative marriage as, uh, "maybe if we have a baby-")

AND FINALLY.

if you're not sure whether your poly romance reads organically to poly people, you can hire a sensitivity reader with poly experience. if you can't afford that, you can read up on polyamorous resources like a glossary of terms & articles actually written by poly people. (and stories written by poly people!)

you can also just.... ask poly people questions, if they're open to it. i like talking about polyamory and my own relationships so you're welcome to send asks if u want, i just can't guarantee i'll answer bc my energy levels fluctuate a lot and i don't always have time.

polyamorous people are in an uphill battle for positive representation right now & so the LAST thing i want to see is authors giving up on their stories bc they're worried about getting things Wrong. well-meaning and positive stories that treat this kind of love as normal, healthy, & aspirational are So So So Needed. even if you guys end up with some funky-feeling details.

seriously, if you're monogamous then you probably don't have a full idea of Just How Nasty a lot of people can get about polyamory. i wish it DIDN'T mean so much for you guys to want to write nice stories about us, but it does mean a lot. and it means a lot that you want to do it WELL.

in conclusion. this is not a prescriptive guide, it's just a way to raise questions. and also, you all are doing FINE.

#thebibliosphere i apologize for tagging u when we don't know each other at all i just want u to get credit for the initial discussion #given that it is so much more thoughtful and clear than anything i'd think to write.#i did NOT mean to spend multiple hours on this but once i started writing i was like #oh god i actually do have like a lot i can tell monogamous people about writing poly people & the poly perspective #anyway. i mention it in the post but people can send me (respectful. obviously) asks if they have questions #i cant promise to answer all of them bc i am bad at this. but if i'm well enough then i'll try #polyamory #non-monogamy #ethical non-monogamy #writing #my writing #writing advice #relationships

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isjasz · 7 months

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hey so Ik I’ve done and ask before but it would be amazing if u could make like desert duo matching pfps??? :)

also Ik I’ve said it before but duuuude ur art abjsjfbsjj <3

[Day 81]

Does this work

(SORRY I JUST THINK THE CROP IS REALLY FUNNY FOR MATCHING PFPS LMAOAOOAOAA)

#dddaily4sherin #grian #goodtimeswithscar #and tyty HDKSJJE <3 #feel free to send as many asks as you like tbh i just respond to them slow NSKWKWKJW #hermitcraft #hermitblr #desert duo #my art #though tbh my art isnt exactly suited for pfps bc i keep things messy too much JSKAKEK #ill keep trying 🫡#is.asks

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morrigan-sims · 7 months

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Guys, I have one piece of advice for you that will seriously improve your time on simblr: If you love someone's story, let them know. Leave a comment, send an ask, whatever. Do it on anon if you're scared. And don't worry about coming off as unhinged. Honestly, the more details and rambling you put in, the better. There is literally nothing that makes an artist feel better than having someone tell them that they love their work.

So if someone's latest story post made you cry, tell them! Or if their edit gave you chills, tell them!!! And let me tell you a secret. Nothing motivates people to work on their stories more than knowing that other people love them and want to see more.

Nothing feels better than seeing someone answer your ask or reply to your comment, and seeing how happy they are. Trust me on this. It feels amazing. You'll make their day, and make your own day better too. And maybe, just maybe, you'll be the push they need to open their game and work on the next post.

Oh, and if you want them to love you forever, include details! Say what specific lines made you feel so strongly, or offer theories on what's going to happen next. Tell them who your favorite character is, or what antagonist is making your teeth grind. Storytellers put so much effort into their posts and their writing, and having someone pick up on the details is so immensely gratifying.

#trust me. send long rambling gushing asks to your faves. it's good for them and for you. I promise.#morrigan.txt #delete later #btw. this is not me begging for asks for my own content.#it's me trying to share the joy I get when I see someone reply to one of my asks.#there is almost no better feeling.#(see the ask I sent Jade yesterday for reference lmao.)#I am the queen of sending unhinged rambling asks about how obsessed I am with things #I honestly worry I overdo it sometimes. but then I see how happy it makes people and I realize I didn't overdo it.

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factual-fantasy · 1 month

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So with the no fan art of your characters thing…. It seems a bit odd and I’m sorry for saying that,but it intrigues me why someone’s wouldn’t wanna see other people draw their characters

I've been asked this 100s of times, and have had people constantly question this boundary of mine and ask me to explain myself.

I've exhausted all my energy and patience for questions about my stance on fanart. I don't feel like having to defend myself again, and again, and again.. 😞

I don't expect people to understand my stance on fanart, and you don't have to understand it in order to respect it. Just as I don't have to understand anyone else's boundaries to stay behind the line.

I am very uncomfortable with any form of fanart being made for me. Of my FNAF redesigns, my sona, my ocs, you name it, it counts. I don't expect anyone to understand it, I just want people to respect that boundary.

"How are we supposed to show our support for you then?" Comments. That's it. All I look forward to when I post art is reading all the nice comments people have left me. Truly, comments are all I want. Fanart just makes me feel awful.

#my response #i usually delete asks like these because ive already talked about it like 1000 times #but recently ive gotten several people draw fanart of all different kinds of stuff I've made #and then this ask #felt like i had to come back and defend myself just oooone more time 😔#please guys #no fanart just comments is asking so little of people..#and please don't send asks trying to pry into it or understand it #“does it feel like this? or like this?”#ill just delete them #i dont wanna talk about this stuff no more you get what im sayin-

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soreddieforit · 7 days

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Regulus black sopping wet pussy

listen. i think james could probably write soliloquies about being in between regulus' thighs. how it gets him drunk, the taste. the feeling of drooling into reg's cunt, spit mixing with slick and smearing on his cheeks, down his chin so, so sweet that he cant help but groan a guttural, "god, i love you," with his face buried there.

he loves it when his glasses get foggy with the effort—thats when he knows he's doing real well. when beads of sweat start to form on his brow from the heat of regulus' thighs. when droplets run down his neck from the exertion of fucking his fingers in and out, in rhythm with his tongue, throwing an arm across regulus' legs to open him up and stop him from squirming. when his breathing gets all labored, too focused on gulping regulus down to care about intaking air properly. mouth open, tongue laving ceaselessly at regulus' clit just to see how long he can keep him sobbing—thats when he knows its good.

and when regulus breaks another pair of his glasses from the force of his thighs squeezing around james' head, well, he's the furthest thing from annoyed. james wears it like a badge of honor actually, thinks he'd be happy to replace his glasses a million times over if only for one more moment between regulus' thighs.

#im trying so hard to focus on writing my personal statement draft but these asks are making it almost impossible (keep sending them)#jegulus #regulus black #james potter #mail

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stewykablooey · 6 months

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how do you think succession characters would do on an episode of hot ones?

kendall and shiv both force themselves to eat up to the hottest wing and get wrecked; kendall had spent weeks before the interview eating different hot sauces he forced jess to buy to ‘build up his tolerance’ but gets wrecked by the fourth wing anyway; shiv claims she didn’t start feeling it until the fifth wing; they fight about this for months

romans wont eat the wings for eating disorder reasons

tom is out by the first wing (‘oooh thats got a kick’ ‘that one is unseasoned mr wambsgans’)

greg chokes on a chicken bone and dies

old guard hasnt eaten a chicken wing since 1998; karl gets the farthest

logan is out by the second wing; throws a fit; calls sean evans gay for wanting him to eat food that makes him ‘pant like a f@g’

stewy……..is out by the first wing sorry guys i just don’t think he’s a spicy food guy he likes pancakes and waffles

#something something he doesnt like food that’s painful something something he doesn’t like food that works against him something something #my latest stewy lore is that he has ibs #great ask thanks for sending #tbh i dont think there’s anyone on that show who could beat hot ones #they all at some point try to to get the show to give them wings with fake hot sauce #ask #anon #m #succession

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xulips · 6 months

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I cant unsee it, Kohane is a hampter

she is very hamster to me!!!!!!

#ask #im sorry to everyone whos sending me asks #i try my best to go through all of them #i'm just really busy 😭#again sorry orz

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poorlydrawngatekeeper · 7 months

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... So as to not amasseth any questions along the lines of "Wherefore didst thine Tumblr Blogge cometh about?", I ask ye, co-workers, ...Toons, all which find mine Tumblr Blogge and think to thineselves, "Truly, she has lost her marbles with the advent of one such Blogge!", know ye have the ability to simply... turneth away. That all being said, do be advised! Mine Blogge is neithereth a Playgrounde, nor a space that which wouldst be closedeth off for none to explore. Simply leave questions for me, and I shall see to its response. Or deletion. Depending. I do request politeness in such queries, but it does happen to be the Interwebbes...

#toontown corporate clash #ttcc #ttcc gatekeeper #holly grayelle #all aboard the trolley we got like everyone twice over now #i'll be talking ooc in the tags btw. send asks and stuff i'll try to get to it sooner than later #not a comic. or ask blog. or rp blog. but some secret fourth thing that takes aspects from all of them #don't write elizabethan english btw it's insane #fwiw i'm unaffiliated with clash. just a silly funny fan blog

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kamabokobun · 4 months

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Oh my gosh I finally found your blog, just here to say your designs are super beautiful .

Also, you have anymore lore/info dumps to givve of your OCs/characters?

HELLO!! THANK YOU SO MUCH!!! Your compliment means a lot to me!

As for Lore… for my undragon’d girlies, Naydra has siblings :) she’s the eldest

Also I like to think her family are the ancestors of rauru and mineru. Mainly because mineru is associated with owls in-game (her mech has a very similar “owl face” to the owl on the zonaite outfit and her temple has statues of owls) which are associated with the triforce of wisdom :)

#ask #I wanted to reply right when I got this (some time in July I think?) but I had a hard time thinking of something good to share #so I ended up never replying #I’m incredibly sorry for answering this so late #I am really grateful that you guys send me asks and give me compliments #I’ll try to answer them better 🙏#naydra #undragoned dragons

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