#tumblr fuck up the image quality huh

[flowersinmidgar]

literally him for the entirety of crisis core

#tumblr fuck up the image quality huh #anyways... poor seph #he only has so many “fuck it we ball”s left in him before he goes apeshit #im also sick rn so this has very much been todays mood #ffvii #final fantasy 7 #✨scratchpad #ffvii sephiroth #sephiroth #ffvii crisis core #crisis core

[mychlapci]

i spent the entire day doodling blorbos. dont know what possessed me but here u go. look at these guys

#wow tumblr really fucks with the quality of images btw these look like straight up kaka and weewiz compressed like that #click for better quality. but not MUCH better. this isnt an artblog yknow. #transformers #maccadam #tfp #mtmte #transformers armada #tf optimus prime #tf ratchet #tf rodimus #tf red alert #i dont really like the red alert one i think i goofed up on that one but he deserves some spotlight so im putting him here anyways #oh wow this just posted when i added alt text huh. was gonna keep this in the drafts for a while but i fucking guess #tumblr has different plans for me

[three-dee-ess]

going on a deepdive into 3DS/DS purikura games

I saw this image on a tumblr post and I wanted to look for the original source (so I could properly credit the person and to find out what game it was):

I couldn't find the original, however, I did find this yahoo ask asking what game it was.

The person answering seemed to think it was a hello kitty game, likely because of the hello kitty sticker used to cover the face of the person taking the selfie, but it's clearly one that was added after the photo of the DS was taken, it's not a sticker that exists within that software.

As you can see here, it seems to be a piece of hello kitty fanart- it's not official art, and therefore not featured in the game. This helps with my search a bit.

Also, I believe this is a 3DS title, not a DSI/DS one like the person above suggested- the "select" button in the home menu is the same as the o3DSXL's. This suggests this game was published BEFORE the n3DS series was released.

I remembered playing a game in the past called "Sanrio Picross" that had some purikura elements, however, that game doesn't allow you to edit photographs, and upon looking at them side by side, the UI is completely different.

I googled "3DS purikura game" (purikura being the Japanese word for photo booth) and the only result was "Sparkle Snapshots." From what I could see, the 3DS title didn't have UI that matched either. I decided to look up the DSI game as a last ditch effort into this line of thinking and I didn't find anything.

I did find a screenshot of the title screen on khinsider VGM and the title song goes HARD.

It doesn't seem like this is a purikura game, (or at least not solely), so my research must continue. The next thing I looked into was the UI. I know some Japanese, not very much, but enough to read some basic katakana.

Under the X button it says "Zoom." The L button seems to say "Erase Button."

And it seems that R and A also say "Erase Button." Start obviously says "Menu" It seems like this is a very basic game.

For the bottom screen, it was taken at an angle and it contains some Kanji, so I put it through some photo editing to make it easier to read.

Typing that into google translate I got "Saved! Do you continue doodle?" (and then obviously yes/no)

The phrasing of doodle is interesting. This implies it could be an art program, like the yahoo commenter suggested earlier.

Searching up 3DS art programs doesn't really help me, and coloring games doesn't work either...

My last resort is to go through every 3DS game released in japan, (since we already have a copy of every game ever released for the 3DS online...) However, before I do that, I'm going to look for this image some more.

I found it running rampant on pinterest...

No one else seems to know what it is either LOL.

However, the version on pinterest is significantly higher quality!

Next step, finding more games. I simply need to try to find MORE games. Because I know what the UI looks like, it shouldn't be too hard.

I'll run this search again and just scroll till I see a new lead...

Oh, that was quick!

I found a series called "minna no" which seems to be similar to the "imagine" series in the US- just kind of children's shovelware that never got translated to english.

I ran a search for みんなの (Minna no) on google and...

Huh that sounds familiar... oh my god.

OH MY GOD.

It'S THE SAME FUCKING GAME THE GUY FROM EARLIER WAS TALKING ABOUT. The one I dismissed entirely because it was a DSi title and the game's UI wasn't DSi? It was a 3DS title.

The best part about all of this... the best part about all of this... the UI doesn't even match at all. I went full circle and just accidentally proved this guy completely wrong.

I checked the rest of the minna no games, and yup, no dice. It's some other title.

Next up, I looked at Girls RPG Cinderella Life, mostly because it kept coming up over and over during my research- and holy shit their website is adorable.

Their website is an accessibility nightmare, but it's absolutely adorable. If you are into web design at all, I'd recommend checking it out.

super cute!! looking through the website only proves to me though that this is not the game we are looking for though, so let's move on.

Okay okay okay, how about... JS GIRL: Doki Doki Model Challenge?

Found some information about it.... oh shit there's a camera function?

Dammit... Doesn't look anything like the image.

WAIT WAIT WAIT. A photo decoration option??????

While trying to find more images I found out the game was in this pretty holographic packaging. God I'm jealous. More games should do this.

Either way I can't seem to find any images on this, so it's going on the list of possible candidates. And While looking up this game, I found more under the same artstyle that also might be culprits.

While trying to find more information, I realized how many of these games there are. And also how many of them I have played in the past, lol.

I've been a big fan of Style Savvy (AKA Girls Mode) and I've tried out Girls Fashion Shoot, which was an english translation from a different game series about becoming a model.

Yet another knocked off the list!

By extension, the second game is also knocked off the list.

Another model game- this one called Neco*Petit Girls Runway. Another dud, but also very cute.

Pretty Rhythm series seemed to have a camera function but it didn't line up with the UI shown in the screen either.

If anyone has any more ideas or lists of games, please tell me below! I need to take a break from researching this, and I'll need to play some of that JS model game from earlier, since I doubt anyone has used the photo function during a youtube Let's Play, but based on the UI, I sincerely doubt that it's the one we are looking for.

#long post #3ds post #investigations #Youtube

[moved2radiationvibe]

tumblr really fucks up image quality huh

[blueskittlesart]

More Stella more Stella more Stella more Stella more Stella more Stella more Stella more

sdfghjk im glad you all like her so much!!

#:D!! #stella tag #oc tag #spop oc #hm. tumblr really fucked up the quality of this image huh #skribbles

[septemberlove]

AAAAAA BUT ACTUALLY I SHOULD POST MY BIG REF OF MY DBZ/XENOVERSE S/I THAT IVE HAD DONE FOR A WHILE BUT FORGOT ABOUT

#selfship #self ship #selfshipping #self shipping #my art #si tag #s/i tag #god i really need to come up with ship names that would make tagging s/is so much easier #OH LORD TUMBLR SURE FUCKED UP THE QUALITY HUH #CLICK IT TO SEE THE FULL IMAGE THAT DOESNT LOOK LIKE SHIT PLS

[yurileclercseyeliner]

Okay I need y’all to come with me on this awful/amazing ride of a thought that I just had. Also sorry for the novel I’m on mobile and can’t add a cut.

I was thinking about Fire Emblem beast units and was thought, “Huh, if/when they appear in future games what animal would they shift into?” bc we’ve already had big cats, multiple kinds of bird, bunnies, dragons, kitsunes, wolves, all that jazz. Then, a small fixation that I have had recently appeared in my brain and refused to leave.

Selkies.

“Ches what the fuck?” you say, “Are you saying you just want Selkie, Kaden’s daughter from Fire Emblem Fates to be a beast unit in a future game? She’s already in Fates!”

To which I say no, sweet user of tumblr dot com, SELKIES.

(Image taken from Wikimedia commons, oh my god it took me way too long to find an image of a selkie that didn’t have their titties out like I get why they are depicted that way with the context but for fuck’s sake I’m trying not to get my stupid Fire Emblem post taken down. Also dang this image is extremely low quality. Anyway if you’re so inclined Google a picture yourself.)

“Ches,” you say, “What the fuck is a selkie?”

Alrighty, a selkie is a mythical creature from Scottish folklore. Most of the time they are depicted as women, but male selkies are known to exist in the folklore as well. They are often said to have otherworldly beauty. For those who have amazing taste you may remember that they are the centerpiece of the story of the animated film Song of the Sea. Their entire deal is that they are shapeshifters that can change from human to seal by putting on and taking off a sealskin. As a result they can live in and out of the water, but a lot of them prefer to live in the ocean bc it calls to them. They do often come on shore to play around on the beach tho, and this is where the mythology gets a little depressing.

(BIG OL’ TRIGGER WARNING FOR NONCONSENSUAL RELATIONSHIPS IN THE CONTEXT OF MYTHOLOGY)

Basically to return to the sea selkies need their skins, and if it were stolen they would be forced to stay with the thieves. This of course led to some nasty men stealing the sealskins of selkie women while they were having some beach time in order to force them to be their wives, and no matter what happens in the end of the story nobody is really happy.

(OKAY TW OVER)

There are a ton of other details, but those are the basics. But today I am not focusing on forced mythical marriages and the depressing aspects of it, I WANT TO TALK ABOUT A SEAL BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF A BERSERKER.

“Ches, you sentient makeup product,” you say, confused, “How the hell is that supposed to work?”

My answer is...incredibly stupid.

Like for one I think that they would be much larger than the average seal, much like how taguel are much larger than the average rabbit. And if any of you have seen how a seal moves they just kind of bounce around to where they need to go, so these seal beast units would just...bounce...and then hit their enemy in the face...maybe bite them if they can reach it...

Does it make much sense?

I don’t know.

Do I have any idea of how a tribe of seals who need to near water a large amount of time could be incorporated into a Fire Emblem story, especially if one joins the roster of units?

Absolutely not.

But do I think that the idea of a seal bouncing up and smacking a great knight off of their horse with their tail is the funniest thing ever?

ABSOLUTELY.

Anyway their victory pose is the banana pose have a nice day.

(Image from a Buzzfeed article I found in Google images)

#fire emblem #fire emblem heroes #fire emblem awakening #fire emblem fates #fire emblem radiant dawn #fire emblem path of radiance #fire emblem three houses #cw mention of noncon relationships #cw noncon in the context of mythology #anyways also imagine a seal in the feh chibi style. imagine it. #selkie #selkies

[kiloxy]

Analysis: WHY DREAM IS ACTUALLY BLONDE GEORGE!

NOW DON’T SCROLL AWAY JUST YET!

Listen Guys I have come up with the greatest theory/analysis of my life. Twitter could NEVER. This is about to solidify me as one of the lead big brain theorists on tumblr, cross my heart..... *cough* shit-poster *cough* I mean what? anyway... This analysis includes lots of receipts! Now let’s begin me launching my 1000000000 IQ career faster than Dream can MLG water out of this damning post. 

Tw: Close up of eyes since I zoomed in images of their eyes as proof. It will be under the cut.

So let me start with the question everyone has asked: WHO IS DREAM?!?

He’s the mysterious lime green, tea kettle sounding, god level skill, 10000 IQ, pissbaby enigma that took the internet BY STORM. He has grown so fast and so quick it’s insane, big brain plays must be through the roof. We could wonder how he did this... Why he did this.... But really. All we should care about is WHO THE FUCK IS HE?!!?!

Excuse my language... But anyway.. I have been working DAY AND NIGHT. To figure this out for you guys. It’s been 78 hours of no sleep. After escaping Dream’s basement (smart ass found out I was going to expose him) I have finally made it to a computer to post this...   

Dream is Blonde George

Okay wait wait wait! Before you go leave, screaming and appalled, slamming the button to unfollow my broke ass, hear me out. 

First point... What the fuck is blonde George?

THIS MAN. REMEMBER HE BLEW UP?!?! WHY DID HE? WHY??? I mean we hate him! Well the only reasonable explanation is that he was a PLANT!

Yes that’s right, blonde George was a plant. This is actually Dream. Now Dream loves chaos, he’s even mentioned before he may make a stan account/pose as a cosplayer and I think this was his way...He leaked this photo of him on twitter to fuck with us. To test the waters before the Mr.Beast video where he might reveal himself as blonde George. 

Only Dream and his 1000000 IQ could blow up a post like this guys, think about it! 

OKAY TIME FOR THE REAL PROOF:

We know Dream’s hair color okay, look at this twitter post where he does a hair color reveal:

POST HERE

Now let’s take a closer look. Here’s Dream’s hair:

Rest of the analysis under the cut includes more analyzed images, links, and video as proof:

Now I took to an eyedropper and examined Blonde George’s hair and got:

LOOK HOW CLOSE THE NUMBERS ARE!  AND WE KNOW NUMBERS DON’T LIE! The more samples I took of blonde George’s hair and compared to Dream’s the clearer it became... Their hair... Is the same! 

Now that we have the hair matching what else can we figure out? I mean Dream said he had green eyes, we even have a pic here of them. 

But I ask you.... Dream’s smart. You really think he’s telling the truth? I mean think of the the vlog incident. Man is a liar. 

I introduce to you a concept: CONTACTS

You see Dream knew that blonde George would get a lot of traction (he wanted it to). But he didn’t want to be outed too fast. I mean blonde white dude? blowing up on twitter? Obviously traceable back to Dream. So change one of his most distinct features, his eyes! He is wearing brown contacts. I have proof, let’s look at blonde Gog again. uSING MY EXPENSIVE HIGH TECH EQUIPMENT I-

ENHANCE ENHANCE ENHANCE!

I mean first just looking at this you can see the odd white glare on his eye... Now that is not your usual eye glare, no... That’s an eye glare that shows what it looks like when light reflects off a contact lens. He is wearing contacts! 

But if that isn’t enough for you I cleaned up the photo of blonde George’s eye using mad skillz I learned from crime shows and got:

YEAH THAT’S RIGHT! CLEARLY A CONTACT LENS AND A CHEAP ONE TOO! LOOK HOW ARTIFICIAL IT IS IN THIS CLEAR ZOOMED IN PICTURE OF BLONDE GEORGE’S EYE THAT IS OBVIOUSLY NOT A PHOTO OF A RANDOM WOMAN I FOUND WITH A CONTACT. 

Dream put in brown contacts! Why else would this “blonde George” be wearing contacts huh??? We know real George has 100% real gorgeous brown eyes. 

Now you may be saying, well that’s just an edited photo of legit George. We have the real photo of George.  But no, it’s not! THAT’S WHAT DREAM WANTS YOU TO THINK SHEEPLE, WAKE UP!

Dream put on a red hoodie, styled his hair to look like George, and he posed just right so it looks like it’s an edited version of that photo of Gog. But it’s not! We can tell by the contacts! Also George would never exude the off vibes blonde George does. It doesn’t pass the vibe check. 

Now while there are so many other bits of proof... This is getting long and I want to wrap it up. So here’s one last big bit of proof. 

THIS VIDEO OF THE SCUFFED PODCAST AT 15:37

They talk about blonde George and, George claims it is photoshopped but he smiles nervously. And as he pulls up blonde George Dream does his nervous laugh. Why is he nervous? Why would he be nervous?? about this “meme”. Maybe because he’s scared to be found out,

Now the most important part:

“I don’t rlly like it tbh.”- Gog.

“Uhhh I don’t like it.”-Dream.

Now you may have brushed past this upon viewing, but.... Nobody asked for Dream’s opinion. This was supposed to be about GEORGE why would Dream input his opinion and speak like it’s about him... BECAUSE IT IS HIM

Now the most damning of all... 16:50 same video.

“Dream have you like ever done a face reveal or no?”-??

Dream HESITATES 

“No- I haven’t yet. I do plan on doing one but I haven’t yet.”

As he speaks his words get more rushed and quiet, he’s lying. He’s nervous.

Then George saving him, redirects the topic completely off blonde George and Dream immediately jumps on the new topic eager to switch focus. It’s so weird how fast they move the topic, the clearly don’t want to talk about it. George is a good friend, he knew that Dream was scared and needed an out of the conversation before he outed himself as blonde George. 

But... they couldn’t keep the ruse up.... BECAUSE I AM HERE! 

I see you Dream and your 10000000 IQ. HE THOUGHT HE COULD CONTAIN ME, CONTAIN THE TRUTH. BUT I- BREAKING GENESIS CAN NOT BE STOPPED. I ESCAPED HIS BASEMENT JUST FOR THIS FUCKING POST! IT WAS MANHUNT, I SPEEDRAN THIS SHIT. I BET HE’S LOOKING FOR ME NOW.

*cough* Anyway, now my very very last point. 

Why haven’t we ever seen Dream and Blonde George in a room together huh? It’s weird right?? They can’t coexist separately because THEY ARE THE SAME PERSON. IT’S SO OBVIOUS! 

If this grade A++++, wagyu quality, meaty with receipts analysis wasn’t enough to convince you then.... I am going to hack into Mr.Beast’s content. I am on my way to his house as I type this... Next post I am LEAKING images from the shoot when Dream drops the sign that will SHOW that he is in fact Blonde George. 

If you have more proof.... Anything to add... react... or respond to this analysis. My inbox is open.

Wish me luck, I honed my hacker skillz just for this. You may not be able to trust Dream, but you can trust me! Hopefully I can do this before Dre catches me again. 

o7 bois 

#shitpost #i mean #analysis #dreamwastaken #georgenotfound #blonde george #this is the real shit #I legit spent so long on this kill me #please don't unfollow #this analysis slaps #This is my best work #Dream

[box16]

oh tumblr just fucked the quality of that image up the ass huh

[exit-path]

My Upcoming Personal Demon List

Hi guys! Huh, I guess GD has really been bleeding into this blog. Well I thought about getting all my GD demons I’m expecting to beat down on a Tumblr post, so here it is.

You might be wondering what a “personal demon list” is, and where it deviates from the “Demonlist”. And that’s a good question.

The Pointercrate Demonlist is the list of the hardest levels in the game. It’s the Main Thing™. People come here to see what the hardest levels in the game are, or to find extreme demons to beat.

[Image Description: a screenshot of the Pointercrate Demonlist. The top 4 hardest levels are visible, as well as a list of list moderators.]

On the other hand, a person’s “demon list” is their own personal list of demons, once they get skilled enough to do that. While most people know about the Demonlist, few people have one of these personal lists.

It’s usually a spreadsheet, where some people only put the demons they’re planning to beat or have heard of, while others (like this person) just have a list of all the demons in the game and mark them in green once they’re done.

[Image Description: an example of someone’s demon list. This one is by Wod.]

For my list, I’m only going to say levels I’m definitely going to try and beat in the future. Before we continue, here are some useful timeframes of the game:

Update 1.6: early 2014

Update 1.8: late 2014

Update 1.9: 2014–2015

Update 2.0: 2015–2017

(the current update is 2.1)

So without further ado, let’s go!

1. “Twilight Step V2” by blackPS2full

A 1.6 insane demon, “Twilight Step V2” was made by blackPS2full, the same person who made “Alphabet X”. In fact this level is supposedly harder than Alphabet X (although to me it doesn’t feel that way).

It’s a remake of another 1.6 level called “Twilight Step” by ZenthicAlpha, although that was a medium demon and this is an insane demon. Twilight Step V2 fell off the demonlist in June 2016, after staying on it for two years.

I actually picked this level up two weeks ago, and I’m SO CLOSE to beating it. I got 98% three times. Expect a 100% post coming somewhat soon. It’s not even that hard. (Sorry SrGuillester from 2015, no offense)

2. “Rupture” by Jekko

This is the first hard level that actually feels menacing. “Rupture” is a 1.9 insane demon by Jekko. Paradoxically, it’s the easiest one on this list, having fallen off the demonlist in January or February 2016.

It’s most well-known not for the level itself, but for the insane reactions by the player “Cold”, who beat the level as its second legit victor. (Warning: take caution if you watch this video and you sympathize easily, as it will make you feel lots of despair.)

3. “XYZ Step Infinity” by Orca SN

This is a really weird level. For its difficulty, “XYZ Step Infinity” by Orca SN is pretty unknown, and is actually the most disliked insane demon at over 10K dislikes.

That might be because it’s a remake of an easier demon, “XYZ Step” by Cole. Compared to that popular easy demon, this 1.6 level is unrelenting and annoying, having been updated sometime in the last 4 years to its current buffed state.

4. “El Dorado” by LmAnubis

“El Dorado” is a 2.0 insane demon by LmAnubis that’s really menacing because although it doesn’t get fast, it gets really fucking tight. It’s a top-tier timing demon.

It’s also themed too, where you wander through an overgrown jungle until you reach the famed golden “El Dorado” kingdom. This level fell off the demonlist in March 2016.

5. “Acropolis” by Zobros

“Acropolis” is a 1.9 insane demon by Zobros that’s the original slow, tight menacing demon. I get claustrophobic just looking at this. It’s a high-quality timing demon that still holds up today, just like the previous level.

Speaking of which, starting with “El Dorado” I think I get to chill. Because compared to some of the other demons I’ve beaten, El Dorado is supposedly easier than “Alphabet X” or even “Endorphin”, not to mention Acropolis should be even easier than that.

6. “Necropolis” by IIINePtunEIII

Now we’re getting into the harder levels. “Necropolis” is a 1.8 insane demon by IIINePtunEIII that’s known for its menacing aura, how old of an update it was built in, and its famous creator.

Themed around death, this level didn’t fall off the demonlist until October 2017. That’s so long in the future that the demonlist was extended to 100 demons by the time this fell off.

7. “Creeper Force” by CreeperMILK

I might beat this level. MAYBE. I might skip this level and go straight to the next one, but in case I’m doubtful, I might beat this level to assure myself that I have enough skill to beat the next one.

“Creeper Force” by CreeperMILK is named after exactly what you think it is. In respond to Minecraft hitting its cultural peak in 2013–2014, RobTop decided to add a creeper icon in Update 1.8 as the reward you get when you beat the newest 16th level, “Hexagon Force”.

In 2014 someone grabbed the “CreeperMILK” username, and they built one of the hardest levels in the game with it. This 1.9 insane demon just so happened to use the song “Hexagon Force” as well. Creeper Force fell off the demonlist in May 2018.

8. “ICE Carbon Diablo X” by roadbose

This is it. The ultimate goal. This isn’t just one of the of hardest demons in the game—it was the hardest level in the game, from November 9, 2014 to January 3, 2015, the day Cataclysm was released.

“ICE Carbon Diablo X” is a 1.6 EXTREME demon by roadbose known for being once the hardest level in the game. And it is my ultimate goal—if I can beat this level, then it will be the hardest thing I ever beat. I cannot beat anything harder than this.

By now this level is not even close to being the achievement it once was. This fell off the demonlist in June 2018—ridiculously close to the modern day. But at the time of its release there was almost no doubt about this being impossible.

[Image Description: a screenshot of the GD Fan Wiki article on ICE Carbon Diablo X. A section of Trivia is highlighted which reads, “This level was once thought to be borderline impossible until Update 1.9 when Riot completed it.”]

Well, that’s my personal demon list for now. I’ll make mental changes to this list as they come and go, but for now, until next time! 👋

#peysi talks #geometry dash #long post #flashing tw

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #348

“nothing will be free  /  nothing will be done  /  black out the sun”

Do you have any famous relatives? My third or so cousin is the author of Not Without My Daughter, but she's not like a smash hit or anything that most people know. I really do recommend the book, though. It's a long read, but a beautiful, true story. Do you care about celebrity gossip? Nah. Have you ever failed a science course in high school? No; I was very good at science. What’s your favorite breakfast food? Cinnamon rolls. Does your house have a basement? No. No house I've ever lived in has had one. Do you like Hot Topic? Well duh. Do you think imagination is valuable? VERY! Just imagine how many incredible things wouldn't exist without it. What was your reaction to your first time falling in love? Unspeakably happy, and I felt like I was building a future with someone. I felt like I had purpose, which I should mention to anyone reading is a mindset to NEVER adopt. No one gives you purpose; you're born with it. How much weight can you lift at once? Ha, not a lot. When you have your own house someday, what color Christmas tree do you want and how will you decorate it? I want a black one with faux snow on the branches, then maybe red ornaments. Kinda look like blood dripping off. Sounds metal. Name three YouTube channels you’ve been loving lately. Lately, John Wolfe, The Dark Den, and Aim To Head Mix. Have you ever bought a designer purse? No. Do you wear jewelry often? No. What color was your senior prom dress? Black. Are you colorblind? No. Name the people you know who are colorblind. Jason's older brother is colorblind to two colors, but idr which. Would you ever consider a career in writing? I'd love to. What was your first favorite color? Red. What do you think about horror movies? I love them. If you love them, what’s your favorite? I really enjoy The Crazies and both The Blair Witch Project movies. Oh, and of course Silent Hill. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I don't have the money to get anyone presents... and while I sometimes get ideas about something I could make someone, then it wouldn't be fair to the rest of my family if I don't make them something, too. What’s your favorite word and why? I really like the sound of "serendipity," as well as its meaning. It's just a pretty, nice word. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what’s the coolest thing you made? Not really... I think the coolest thing I made was when I put the clay heart I made in Art into a shadowbox, and a poem I wrote was in the background. It was a gift for Jason. I remember working really hard on the whole process and being really happy with it. I don't want to know what he's done with it since. What’s one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn’t deserve to? I don't know. What’s something you are currently saving money for to buy? Everyone knows about Venus' terrarium by now... Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? No. Ever done drugs? No. Tell me one of your worst habits. Catastrophizing. I take a tiny seed of something potentially bad, and in seconds it's a damn redwood tree. And I do mean "in seconds." What’s a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I don't know, I don't have any particularly unique ones, I think. If you game, what type of headset do you use? I just use earbuds. Do you think you would be a good therapist? You know, it's funny, I've actually pictured myself as one a few times, given my level of understanding and empathy for people, as well as how deeply I want to see others succeed and spread the word that recovery from things like depression is very possible. I've never truly entertained the thought, though, given I'm quite sure I legally couldn't be given my suicidal past and mental illnesses. There is also NO way I could listen to so many people's suffering and manage to stay healthy myself, so, no therapist position for me, thanks. Have you ever been to a Chinatown? No. Do you prefer chunky or creamy peanut butter? Creamy, 100%. Do you stop to pick up heads-up pennies? No. Do your pets have collars? Describe them: Roman has an adorable navy one with a bowtie. Do you have any friends that speak any languages you don’t understand? Old friends, sure. What is something you want to begin learning? I want to improve my ability to perform what in therapy is called "opposite action," where you do the opposite of what your depression (or other conditions) make you want to do. It always helps me feel good, like when I draw even when I don't initially feel like it, but it's rough to really force yourself to do it. What is a food you find comforting when you are sad? Ice cream is my comfort food. What is a quote you find comfort in? There are really a lot, but none come to mind immediately, gah. What is one Tumblr blog you really appreciate? I actually haven't been on my main Tumblr in months, but oh my god there is a Markiplier blog called "lady-raziel" and she is FUCKING HYSTERICAL. The meme quality is A+. What is a comfort movie/show for you? When I actually liked watching movies, I enjoyed watching Silent Hill when I was down. That whole franchise just makes me so happy. What is a recent creative project that you are proud of? That I'm PROUD of, idk. I'm not that happy with the last drawing I made, and I haven't done any serious writing lately that I find noteworthy. What is a video game that you find comforting? Shadow of the Colossus is probably #1. I find it so relaxing while equally epic as fuck. The soundtrack is to die for, and after playing it a billion times, it's pretty easy for me to kinda breeze through and just enjoy myself. Do you know how to bake bread? If so, what is something you’ve baked recently? No. Would you rather live in the mountains, city, beach, or the forest? THE MOUNTAINS!!! Particularly in the woods IN the mountains! Are you closer to your mother’s or father’s side of the family? Mom's. I don't even remember anyone from Dad's. Have you ever been in a “perfect relationship”? I thought so. Have you ever lost a fingernail or toenail? No. Were you a Disney or Nickelodeon kid? I preferred Disney. Have you ever been inside a jail/prison? No, and I don't plan on it. Have you ever dated a guy with a beard, mustache, or goatee? Jason had a goatee usually. He'd go clean-shaven sometimes. Did you ever name your stuffed animals? I named every single one I got as a kid. Now I don't, really, unless they're really special. What’s the name of the person who cuts your hair? I'd rather not share, given her name is very unique. Do you like cheeseburgers? Yes, they're one of my favorite foods. Do you have a Flickr? Yes, but I don't use it anymore. Did you ever want to be a fashion designer? No. Do you drink milk? Yeah, I love milk. Where was your FB display pic taken? My room. Have you ever burnt your tongue like REALLY bad? If so, what on? Yeah; white rice. My dumb ass didn't realize it had JUST come off the stove. My tongue hurt literally for weeks. Have you ever gotten your legs waxed? No. Do you own any CLOTHES from Victoria’s Secret? Er, are undergarments not clothes? But I know what you mean. No. What are your grandfathers’ names? William and... I can't remember Dad's dad's name. Have you ever seen a snake in real life? Well yeah. Are you against seances? I don't know if I believe in them being effective, but either way, they seem like a bad idea. Even risking luring a negative energy/spirit to you is something I'd stay away from. Do you own any superhero shirts? No, just Harley Quinn ones, some with the Joker on them, too. I need to toss 'em though because I am like, violently against romanticizing their abusive relationship. I used to just like them as a story character couple, but I got to a place where it just seemed... wrong to "glorify" it by wearing merch and stuff. What band has the best guitar solos? Metallica, durrrr. Who is the biggest jerk you’ve ever met? Can you believe that would be my former best friend? Have you ever swerved off the road to avoid hitting an animal? I've never had an animal in my path. Have you ever grown your own herbs? No. Do you like kissing in public? If you're my serious s/o, I could care less, so long as it's a simple peck. I'm not making out in front of people. Do you think someone has feelings for you? I don't know. Do you want to be in a relationship this year? I don't know. I'm lonely and love feels amazing, but I need to get my life on track before I can be a good partner to someone and not just dead weight. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you? Huh, funny, he's the one that walked away. How long can you just kiss until your hands start to wander? Uhhh that would depend on how serious we are, where we are, and just what mood I'm in. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you? ugh What’s the sweetest thing you’ve ever done for someone? also ugh What’s your dirtiest secret? TMI AHEAD. Probably receiving oral while bare-ass naked on the chaise in the living room while we were home alone. Or having sex in my sister’s bed. Oops. Would you ever get lyrics tattooed on yourself? Yeah. I already do, anyway, and I plan on getting another. Can you photoshop images well? I'm decent at it. Where did you last drive to? Mom and I went to go get our Covid vaccines today. What’s the first verse of the last song you listened to? "I don't know what we're supposed to be, but I know we lost it along the way to something better, something so much more than pleasure that we seek, so blind inside to fill these holes left by these lies that we tell to ourselves as we manufacture our own hell." What do you hear right now? The aforementioned song: "BLACKOUT" by 3TEETH. What was the last thing you laughed about? This is so fucking immature lmao but when we were driving earlier, we passed a gas station that had a sign that was advertising Coke, but due to space limitations, it abbreviated to "2 liter Cok" and I cackled like a child. Mom laughed harder than I did. Do you know any gay people personally? Ye. What was the last thing that startled you? I think it was a car hoonking at somebody the other day. What was the last thing to make you even remotely sad? Today's been a kind of rough PTSD day thanks to Facebook. My old high school friend had her beautiful daughter, a childhood friend just got married the other day, another friend is due to have her baby in just a couple weeks... It's just weird but even more painful to know it was the life I once fantasized about with a guy that just dropped me and made a break for it. I hate admitting that there's this deep, deep bitterness in me about it, like he took my life away from me, even though that's of course very unfair to say. I don't want to talk about this anymore, so moving on with my day.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''blackout'' by 3teeth

[humanmosquito]

this is definitely gonna be a ramble-y post but i’ll neaten it when i’m done. (edit:  didn’t really but I’m sick of this sitting here already)

I’ve put this under a cut for obvious reasons. There’s more things I didn’t like about this book but I forgot most of the plot immediately after reading it.

Given the usual time skips in Clare’s work you’d think this would be 6 months down the line and Livvy would have been completely forgotten about and is mentioned sporadically to motivate the main characters. 

I’m not really buying the shock of Livvy’s sudden death i would say Clare’s done a job here and she’s certainly tried, but i’m not buying it.

Her treatment of Gay Characters (capitalisation necessary) is bad but so much worse with Alec than any others and i hate reading about her Alec bc of the way she infantilises him. Also has Clare seriously not found any way to solve problems in her own fictional universe without constantly reintroducing the same guy??? (who is also just a bunch of stereotypes of queer men) (Magnus)

you don’t need to use two separate images to describe people moving in the background, it’s fine.

why is Christina using Spanish pet names when we’ve never seen her using Spanish conversationally before? also, ( and this is a very specific thing to to be so worked up about like 4 years after i read it the first time) but why do whatshisname and Christina have to talk in English instead of implying the conversation was in Spanish but had been translated or even mention it at all? (okay, coming back in later to say that she does use Spanish randomly in this book, Clare has a habit of making Latine characters use Spanish randomly to show they’re Latine.

isn’t Mark 20 or something? I’m legitimately confused about these lines.

there’s no need to suddenly start using fancier language for two whole sentences. also you can just say she visited a wax museum or even Just Madame Tussaud’s (which i’m guessing is the place we’re talking about). also: why is all the dialogue in this book so stiff and overly formal? I know they’re in shock and some of them are functionally strangers but it’s still so off from how people normally speak. (I’m willing to excuse the faerie characters because everyone who writes faeries makes them speak super flowery but that’s it)

there’s no break between Mark and Helen’s POV.

 I’m pretty sure than Simon is secular, why is he suddenly sprouting hebrew? (CC makes no effort to show him engaging with judaism in any form and has him Christmas shopping at one point in tmi)

wouldn’t that make it much easier to break in? (this is needlessly pedantic, I know)

A lot of people said that Emma just becomes a way to talk about how amazing Julian is and I’m beginning to see that. She focuses on the sound he makes walking along a hallway way too much. (Also: coming back a week later to add that Julian just gets worse and worse and for a character that we’re supposed to love(?), he has absolutely no redeeming qualities.)

Doesn’t witchlight only light up when a shadowhunter is holding it? I remember that from TID.

The rally with Dearborn feels like an attempt at the bit at the beginning of 1984 where they’re watching the propaganda video and the woman is crying out for big brother. also, there’s no way to write people chanting someone’s name that doesn’t make it feel like mediocre fanfiction, huh? The whole scene is very over the top and not at all like the actual process of radicalisation. 

who thinks like this? Who thinks about themself like this?

The descriptions of the shadowhunters at the funeral are weird. Emma is described as putting on gear then wearing a dress, Christina has a gear jacket over a dress and Ty is in full gear.

she’s not even being subtle about stealing plot points from the tv show, is she?

why does she keep choosing random words to translate into Spanish? It isn’t necessary unless the word also means a specfic type of that word. A vela isn’t a specific type of candle, that’s just the Spanish word for candle. 

Doesn’t Jonathon Shadowhunter creating runes go against tsc canon? No one could make new runes except Clary because of her extra angel blood. (I should know, I read the fucking Shadowhunter codex). (there are more instances of CC creating thing that go against canon but i kinda got bored of making this list after here)

(I know the answer to this one is just CC’s incest fetish but) Why did everybody just let Christina get engaged to her cousin?

I have to say that my suspension of disbelief lasted longer than I thought it would but it ends with Julian killing a Rider with a D&D figurine.

The whole Thule bit feels like it was copy-pasted from ao3 (While we’re on the subject of copied from ao3 “Ragnor Fell lives” is such a “saw it on Tumblr” cop out)

how did the cohort get Jaime? It’s not explained and I wish it was.

Julian sucks. capital-S Sucks. For the guy Emma is facing Losing her Shadowhunter life for and going into exile for, he’s a dick, with emotions he comes off as creepy, over-sexed and obsessed. Without he’s somehow even worse.

Zara calling Cl*ce disgusting and being called wrong for it is such an obvious dig at the people who criticised Clare when she wrote them nearly fucking in a ditch when they thought they were bio siblings. (I’m p sure they’re also adopted siblings and they consider the same man their dad, so it would still be incest.) 

Also, she’s so one-dimensional and every scene with her, especially in the last 1/2 of the book was exactly the same. (emma attacks her but decides to let her go which was a ~mistake~ with consequences (consequences being “we see Zara again”))

It's not even a subtle D*mbl*dore's Army rip-off, huh?

I take back all the things I thought about Clare improving as a writer, chapter 33 makes literally no sense, also cannot do dialogue or consistent characterisation. (how did any of these get published, TMI especially)

Once again, Clare seems to be stealing plot points from the TV show. (Of course there’s going to be some overlap between the show and books even after it diverged from book canon but it’s getting pretty ridiculous at this point, isn’t it?). 

Okay, every woc in this book is here to further the white protagonists’ story (which i guess is the purpose of supporting characters but the white supporting characters do fuck all) And i get they have their own love interests but it was super forced (don’t @ me for this, Kierarktina had potential but it was all rushed in the second half of this book because Clare realised what a cash cow it was)

Diana gets a little tropey (Speaking as a trans person) but her treatment b Vlare and the other characters was okay. I do wish she was allowed more personality than “no one can love me or know me because I’m trans” (it’s stupid and overused) and “helps the Blackthorns and Emma”. (also Clare knows that you don’t stop taking HRT, right? it isn’t a limited course, it’s not Gender-Changing Antibiotics.)

My final thing is that it went on way too long, like, insufferably long. (you’d think long enough to explain some plot holes, but no.)

#cursing out 12 yr old me for picking up clockwork angel now until forever #the dark artifices #tda #cassandra clare #anti cc #this was an experience i would not wish on anyone #book review

[airlock]

alright folks, I’m back for more of those results from the anniversary poll; once again, I’ll be counting them as properly as I can because IS sure as hell can’t, and in the process, I will also judge whether the fans have spoken good choices

this time, we’ll be counting and criticizing the top 15 dancing duos! (disclaimer: I don’t dance. I still will attempt to comment on everyone else’s dancing)

#1: BERKUT & RINEA (9313 votes)

tumblr won’t let me simply put two images next to each other in a text post, and I can’t be fucked to put them together in such a way that doesn’t make them un-transparent, so I’ll be putting them together with a simple color background; it’s a spot uglier and I will probably fail to spot some wonky pixels, but c’est la vie

anyways, I don’t like it, but like Byleth before, this is a natural afk pick; they’re some of a very small subset of characters in the series that we actually see dancing with each other, in a proper cutscene. a cutscene that, in fact, basically exists to tell us that they look good dancing, so one’s not wrong to vote for them here, I suppose. there are, in fact, a lot of people in this world who are fantastic performers and also would throw their spouses in a fire if they figured it’d make them feel good about themselves again

#2: OLIVIA & INIGO (2474 votes, including Laslow)

this is actually sweet, though, mother-son dancing duo and all. one thing I do have to mention, though, is that you’d have to hope that our hypothetical dance-off was announced plenty of time in advance, there’s so much that could bring a performance between them crashing and burning if they don’t hash it all out for themselves first

#3: EDELGARD & DIMTIRI (1871 votes across all appearances, possibly with uncounted change)

they sure do look fantastic, dancing with other people with their backs completely to each other,

might as well stuff this strangely popular nothing-of-a-choice with a little additional note: these paired votes are going to be especially harrowing on the split vote front, because any combination of two characters who both have split votes means they can be combined with each other in 4 different ways. like, most people probably won’t combine, say, someone’s PoR self with someone else’s RD self, but properly unsplitting votes in this is going to be a lot more of a challenge. and that’s to say nothing of byleth; there is a whopping 16 different ways to combine Byleth and any one Three Houses character

ETA: I. completely forgot about the thing where edelgard tried to teach dimitri to dance when they were young. okay, that kind of tracks. but also like, whomst the fuck got the idea that whatever they were doing there was building up to elegance

#4: ELIWOOD & NINIAN (1495 votes)

I’m getting the lingering feeling that this fandom is a lot better at pointing out good dancers than good teachers-

this one’s another amazing pick; sure, not one you have to think a lot about, since they’re oft-shipped and one of them is an actual dancer -- but the beauty of it is that even the ostensible weak link still has much offer, between his flawless elegance and a love of dancing that we at the very least knows is in his lineage

let’s just hope eliwood would still prefer to keep the “special dances” private though-

#5: BYLETH & CLAUDE (1163 votes across all appearances, possibly with uncounted change)

speaking of the ballroom cutscene again, man, Claude sure has left an impression on us all back there-

still, we don’t actually see the dance, and it’s probably better that we don’t -- I wouldn’t bet that Byleth is any more expressive with their moves than they are with their face. there’s really not very much of a reason to vote for this other than wanting to insert yourself into a situation where one dances with Claude. and I mean, mood, but let’s focus, please-

#6: OLIVIA & AZURA (996 votes)

this is just a copout, though. this is like if I asked you about the best food in your town and you just told me that technically Gordon Ramsey was born there. ooo, hot take alert, two unrelated professional performers can probably put on a decent performance together!

at least their theme colors together make the trans flag, so I’ll give all 996 of you that much-

#7: ALM & CELICA (990 votes)

was there like an actual thing where they dance, or were people picking this just because they’re good-looking and married? because like, in the absence of evidence, I cannot and will not assume that Alm is a remotely passable dancer.

in fact, here’s the drill: for this section, I can’t actually blame people if they’re just hornyvoting -- being hot is kind of a point-plus for this -- but I can and will blame them if they’re voting for their ships with no regard as to whether they’d look good dancing. so, accusations of hornyvoting shall make way -- to accusations of shipvoting! I believe that’s also going to happen on the other paired category, even if that one is a lot less about the chemistry (presumably)

#8: NILS & NINIAN (884 votes)

this kind of a copout again, but it’s also a family dance again, BUT most importantly one of these two is not actually a dancer. like, sure, he plays the flute, but this isn’t a flute-and-dance duo poll, it’s a dance poll! although I mean, it does mean he must have a good notion of rhythm, and from the sprites we can definitely tell he’s got a spring in his step when he plays, and Ninian can teach him too, so... maybe? oh well, it’d be cute to see them try

#9: SIGURD & DEIRDRE (790 votes)

eh, I’m gonna call shipvoting on this one too. like, sure, they’re both hot and they’re in love with each other, but even if you leave aside the likelihood that Deirdre was raised too shelthered to have danced like ever, any dancing they’d know of would be totally incompatible, considering their entirely distinct backgrounds.

I suppose I will lend credence to the idea that Sigurd’s at least experienced as far as dancers go; it’s not like he was studying back at that academy,

#10: BYLETH & EDELGARD (735 votes across all appearances, possibly with uncounted change)

since most of the votes on this are for post-timeskip edelgard, this appears to be unrelated to the ballroom scene, for once

that said, I can’t think of anything to this other than regular shipvoting -- and not even shipvoting of much quality, because besides the above-mentioned on whether byleth can dance, I have a nagging feeling that the kind of dancing Edelgard would genuinely be interested in would be strictly for fun, without any sort of elegance or other things that an outside participant would enjoy watching

#11: TSUBASA & CAEDA & KIRIA & THARJA (687 votes)

don’t let the fact that I found a transparent tsubasa but not a transparent kiria distract you from the absolute trainwreck that resulted from the naming scheme used in FEH for TMS#FE characters crashing into the notation I’m using for the duos here- ahem, well, please be distracted from both of those things, anyway

assuming this is just between the two mirage users and we’re not talking about the most awkward foursome in history, well... I once again have not played TMS#FE, so uh, they sure are both pop idols and I think people ship them, I guess?

#12: MARTH & CAEDA (596 votes across all appearances)

I mean... there’s a lot that can be said about their individual qualities and their dynamics, but I have absolutely no idea how any of it would translate into a ballroom. and if we’re any inclined to believe that skill with words and skill with bodily expression tend to be opposite skillsets, then theyyyy are both screwed.

#13: PENT & LOUISE (508 votes)

I get it, I do. they both look sparkly beautiful and haute and classy and like everything around them is prettier for them being there. but let me categorically tell you that neither of these two dance.

neither of these two dance because one, Pent is an absolute potato, and two, Pent specifically chose Louise because she didn’t try to impress him with a dance.

#14: SAUL & DOROTHY (495 votes)

regardless of any merits they may or may not have, this is 100% just to get them into heroes, isn’t it. alright, I can respect that

but as for whether they can dance... sure, maybe? Dorothy is full of hidden talents, and Saul has probably tried to dance enough times to guide her along at least

#15: CORRIN & AZURA (476 votes across all genders)

alas, there’s no way this can work out, because we all know corrin has two left feet.

thank you, thank you! I’ll be here every night!

HONORABLE MENTIONS (highest vote in their continuity, without reaching top 15)

Ike & Soren (344 votes across all appearances): disappointingly, of the stark few Tellius pairs that got on this list, the best-ranked of them is 100% blatant shipvoting. I mean, sure, Ike’s got moves, but Soren?? at least vote Ike & Ranulf you cowards

Eirika & Ephraim (323 votes): first, we’d have to extensively train Ephraim on how to not make this experience entirely embarassing for Eirika, but that can be said of most anything they could do together in public-

Triandra & Plumeria (280 votes): yep, still unfunny. and now all of you 280 assholes are stretching it

Ferdinand & Lorenz (95 votes, possibly with uncounted change): I’m just mentioning them because I’m one of these 95 people. and so should more of you have been! don’t you know elegance when it’s right in front of you? huh? huhhh????

and that’s it, you’ve endured me attempting to talk about dancing for several minutes when I have no knowledge or experience on the subject! I eagerly await your input in my replies and reblogs, especially from those of you who do dance.

#anniversary poll critique series #my stupid text posts #Fire Emblem is tagged in this post #Fire Emblem Heroes is tagged in this post

[arsenictherapy]

Tumblr loves to fuck up the image quality huh

[wr0ngalice]

9:21p 4.17.20

wow i just wrote the most elaborate and elegant and honest thing i think i have conveyed in well years, and it’s gone because tumblr’s interface is absolute crap. i only hope i can remember it all again. i can’t write anything other than in a fucking tumblr text sheet. i really can’t and i haven’t been able to in years and I CANNOT CONVEY HOW ANGRY I AM THAT THIS JUST HAPPENED. 

it’s 2020 and the world is on fire.

i don’t know where to begin, to pick up from sebastian, to talk about my still non-existent sex life, to talk about that it’s 2020, that there is a world wide pandemic and that i am unemployed and about to be homeless and i have no plan. 

as the rain began i stood listening to my neighbors babble. high as a kite i started to not be able to take full breathes having just ingested an entire takeout container of lasagna and mozzerella sticks feeling completely glutinous and disgusting. a panic rushed over me but so did the urge to write and be honest with myself through my weird relays of my stories. i put out my cigarette on the worn out gate and rushed into my house, i could feel the anxiety attack taking over and my breath getting shorter so i specified each step of my way in....grab key....wash hands.....pee.......put my bluetooth back on so i could start music....because this was the kind of high the kind of panic only soothed by masturbating. and so i did, and here i am.  

my name is deanna and i have boys on my brain (i’m laughing). i guess i should start off with the most honest sentiment i’ll ever conjure about my existence: my body image issues have held me back from every feeling like i am worth anything or worthy of anyone’s attention. i view my body as a currency, one that is cheap, of low quality and worthless to most. i have never been able to learn how to love my body or myself, i do not take care of it or feel capable of taking care of it. i spent some time feeling like it’s okay to feel like this and look like this and that someday someone will love it. but most of the time i feel worthless and like i am disgusting and that being fat is stopping me from ever truly feeling happy, being love, feeling accepted, or being truly who i feel like i am. it feels completely impossible and unachievable. and i’ve demonized anyone who ever made me feel like i’m supposed to care, or that i should feel bad for not caring enough what other people think of me. and then the cycle of shame starts, for looking this way shame for feeling this way, shame for feeling like fat people are worth less than anyone else, shame that i am one of them and stay this way. shame. 

i’m sad about a boy. i met him on discord playing a killer queen black. you ever know you are enamored by tone of someone’s voice when they hear yours? feeling a chemistry that awakens your smile too quickly to feel comfortable with. it was those simple things. a shitty emoji. sending me pictures of animals, bad memes and youtube videos. sending me drawings of pokemon, seemingly genuinely interest in every silly thing i send you back. listening to the songs i suggest and the playlists i send all the way through. asking me what i am doing. good morning texts at 1pm and sweet dreams every night. being excited i am in the vc and spitting quick call backs to only conversations we’d know while everyone is listening. being there all day and making me feel like you wanted me there too, like i wasn’t just someone else to talk to. staying up all night drinking wine and watching hunter x hunter to the sunrise or until one of our sedatives takes us out. i send you my real name, and my twitter, and built up the nerve to sent my instagram and thinking there’s no way he keeps talking to me if he doesn’t like what he sees so it is safe to send him the link to my live stream that contains my facebook with my complete honestly. and then for it all to get awkward. and so i know that he feels a different way not but he’s not saying it. because it feels different now, because he’s there still always answering or messaging first, but it’s shorter now and less personal. the call backs are less because the messages are less, and the offer to stay up with me is still there but feels less genuine and more like you kinda feel like you have to. maybe it’s all in my head. maybe it’s not because when something feels weird it usually is weird. so why keep up the half ass? today you didn’t really and i am so sad, but so grateful. get this over quick if it’s happening. cause i can’t deal with being that lone right now. i watched a video about the important of discerning chemistry from compatibility and at the start felt ready to write it off because yin and yang, opposites can complete each other. but by the end i realize that made our chemistry is so bright i am being blinded into thinking we can fill each other’s gaps in compatibility but how hard we make each other laugh. i can discern all the examples of what i call chemistry, but there’s all the actions the show the chemistry is not electric enough to fill the holes in our compatibility. i want every reason to believe this is wrong and i want you to give it to me. i want you to think i am beautiful because of the person you’ve gotten to know every night for months. 

i masturbated to the memories of my dream of kissing levy last night. i tasted his lips as if i had tasted his love before, the familiar warmth of his “hey yourself” feeling like enough of the familiarity and comfort i need to get myself off. the overwhelming loneliness prompting me to call him after all this time. i haven’t really thought about him in a longing way, just a passing thought on the bye, and i admire my ability to stop answering when i knew it was doing too much to me. i’m neither sad or surprised that he didn’t answer me. i think the real question is whether i will feel the need to know his love at the end of our next conversation. i guess it was probably the transition of moving to new york, and the way he seemed to be invested in me figuring out my shit sometimes. it feels so rare that people care about the person i am that when it happens i immediately only know how respond by sexualizing the love i want to give back. he seemed like he wanted to know me and understand why i do the things i did, he listened to the ways i believe the world work and he changed his opinions because of the way i expressed my thoughts. that felt so powerful to me. it felt like he wanted me there, and i liked that he liked the way i spoke about existing and he wanted to be a part of it. like he knew i was connecting my soul to his soul, and like he had been honest about really not being able to give that to another person, like he wanted me to be there but he knew he was hurting me by letting me stay because he wasn’t capable of giving himself away. it feels like this really sad thing that when typed out sounds so dramatic. and i want nothing in the world than for him to know that i think this way, and i want him to tell me that i am crazy and read so much into nothing, or to tell me that i am right, that i understand his soul and that we are connected the way that i felt we were. 

i need this. i cannot understand why writing in a tumblr textbox is the only way to talk about deanna. i spent so long writing to her here, and now that i am with her again, now that i really feel like i am her, i can say here now that it wasn’t about becoming her or working towards finding my way back to her, it was about accepting that i wasn’t all the things i thought i was and that i wasn’t going to be able to achieve all these things that would supposedly make me better. i am deanna all the time and “future deanna” is here with me today. i’m not working towards anything that i am not actively doing right now. 

i wanted to stop here, the rest of this might not be so in touch. maybe it will. i’ve been under quarantine in brooklyn since march 10, 2020. this reminds me i need to talk about killer queen eventually, huh? coronavirus is changing the entire globe. this is that shit that has a major red subtitle in the future history books. i can’t go to the grocery store without wearing a face mask. this isn’t some weird movie that i don’t like, this is real life. i lost my job. i have to move out of my apartment at the end of next month and i have no idea where i am going to go. people are dying at insane rates. nothing in the world feels certain. donald trump is killing people. he’s our fucking president and after all this time i still haven’t accepted that that really happened. the things that are important in my world are so much different now. and their competing forces are compounded by nihilism and salty existentialism. and this makes it hard for me to think about the future. 

i’m gonna figure out a way to keep writing. this feels important. 

#personal

[logancreatesworlds]

Black Folks Don’t Do That Shit

Author’s Note:  Hello everyone!  So I got this idea after seeing a Tumblr post with Lupita Nyong’o and it kinda just spiraled from there.  Hope you all like it!

Warnings: Some harsh language and that’s it...for now.  😈😈😈

Disclaimer:  None of the images used are mine.

Prologue

You shook nervously as your eyes shot open.  Harsh breaths hit your lungs as you tried your best to sit up, your heart drumming as if it were part of a marching band.  Something stopped you.  You looked down at your wrists to see that they were bound to a bed.

You pulled and pulled with all your might, but it was useless. 

Then, the door opened and she walked in.

Your eyes narrowed, “You.”

She smiled, “Yes kitten, me.”

“You drugged me.”

“Yes.  To make you more…compliant.”

She sat down and smiled pleasantly.

Her red lips curled upwards like a Cheshire Cat.

It was almost like things were normal, like she was normal…

But she wasn’t.

She ran her clawed hand up your naked thigh, her bright red eyes alight with undead interest.

You should kick her, fight her – do something, but you didn’t.

Black folks don’t do that shit.

“So sad to see you leaving,” Pepper Potts commented as she watched you pack your last suitcase, her red lips sticking out in a thin line of her pale face.

“Yeah,” you agreed, “But I have to be moving on.  Can’t stay in the same place for too long, right?”

“Well,” Pepper said, “If your path leads you back to New York, you always have a job here.”

“Thank you,” you replied, giving her one last hug.

Today was your last day over at Stark Tower as the Stark family’s personal chef.  Sure, Friday could have done it, but Tony insisted on paying you 15$ an hour to work during the week after tasting your banana pudding.

However, cooking the same healthy ass Californian recipes were just getting too old.  You were forgetting why you enjoyed cooking in the first place.

You quietly sat on the next Amtrak train back to your home – New Orleans, Louisiana.

Time to get reconnected.

_

“Mama!”

“(Y/N)!  Oh my babygirl, you’re home!”

You squeezed her tightly as her familiar scent filled your nose.

Pears, lilac, fresh linen...

“I missed you,” you said, kissing her cheek.

“And I missed you too,” she replied, “Come on in.  I got your favorite cookin’.”

“Crawfish n’ rice?”

“Yup.  And we also have pecan pie.”

“Of which I will be getting the first slice,” a familiar voice said.

While that voice didn’t disturb your mother, it still scared you even now.

“(Y/N),” your mama said, “You remember Sunny, don’t you?”

How could you forget him?

“Of course,” you replied, plastering a falsified smile on your face.

“Good to see you (Y/N).”

“You too.”

A brief, awkward silence washed over the room, but your mother - ever the perfectionist mediatior, quickly ushered you upstairs to help you unpack.

This was going to be a long visit.

_

You sighed softly as you breathed in through your nose.

The New Orleans air was thick with the scent of car oil, sweat, trumpets and dough frying into beignets.

It smelled like home.

But there was something else in the air.

Children’s laughter, bubbling chocolate, pumpkin rinds...

Halloween, or it would be in thirteen days.

It was fitting, given all the smell of spook in the wind and jack-o’-lanterns on porches.

It was your favorite time of year.

Feeling invigorated, you walked into a farmer’s market and up to a local vendor who was carrying a rather large flower stand with him.

“Excuse me, kind sir?”

“Why hello lady,” he said in that familiar southern accent, “What can I do you for?”

“I’m looking for some translucent orchids,” you said, “Do you have any available?”

“Translucent orchids?  Hmmm roses...daffodils...lilac.  Nope.  No orchid.  Sorry sweetie.”

“Thanks anyway.”

You continued to walk, quietly ghosting through the loud and boisterous crowd.

Despite feeling invisible, you could feel someone watching you - like you weren’t alone.

You wish, you though petulantly to yourself.

You looked upon the fruits and vegetables, fitting in between families of black fathers, ebony mothers and swart children.

They all seemed so happy...

Sighing, you got to the other end of the market and looked back.

For a second, it seemed like the world slowed down.

Then...

“Penny for your thoughts?”

You turned around and saw a woman.

Now she stuck out.

Her dark skin stood out against the umbrella she was holding and her black outfit was only matched by her tinted glasses.

She looked like the night itself.

Nevertheless, you spoke to her.

“Just not in the Halloween spirit,” you replied.

“Such a shame,” she commented, “New Orleans is a place of magic.  And you seem like you are in tuned with its charm.”

“Me?”  You scoffed and laughed.  “I’m not much “in tuned” with anything to tell ya’ the truth...”

“Well,” she replied, “Perhaps I can change that.”

She extended her hand to you, and in her dark manicured fingers lied a small card.

You read the mysterious writing.

‘The Udaku Family’

“The Udaku Family huh?  Since when do families have their own cards?”

“The couple I work for is a bit...unorthodox.  And they need a new cook.”

You furrowed your brow, “How did you know I was a cook?”

She smiled, “You were looking at the fruits and vegetables the most, and you seemed disgusted with the ones that looked too ripe.  Only someone who is planning to cook is concerned with such affairs.”

“Well aren’t you observant?”

“I’m trained to see what’s in front of me.”

“So...your boss is looking for a cook.  When do you want me to come?”

“Tonight,” she answered, “A black Cadillac shall pick you up.”

“But you don’t even know where I live?”

“Don’t worry.  We’ll find you.”

You briefly looked down at the card, “Look lady, I-”

She was gone.

_

You quietly looked out the window, anxiously waiting for that black car to roll up.

Was this a good idea?  Of course not.

“They were probably sex traffickers looking for an innocent young girl,” your mother had said.

Still, you were going.

Yes, this is how literally every white girl got kidnapped in all the horror movies you watched, but something pulled you towards that woman at the market today.

There was that intuition in the back of your mind...

‘Don’t go to this weird ass house.  Black folks don’t do that shit.’

And yet?  You didn’t listen to it.

Soon, a car rolled up in front of the main walkway.

A Cadillac Sixty Special maybe?

Its black coat shined as the moonlight casted a gentle shadow upon it.

You swiftly got up and exited the house, kissing your mother goodbye on the way.

The woman from earlier was in the driver’s seat.

“You made it,” she said with the same silky tone from earlier.

“Uh...yeah,” you said, clutching your pure strap, “Yeah, I’m ready.”

She smiled and nudged her head towards the back, signaling you to get in.

You swiftly obeyed and soon you were riding into the night.

_

“So...how long y’all been working for these Udakus?”  You asked as the car drove with buttery ease.

The woman in the front passanger seat answered, “For a long time.”

“Okay...”

You briefly looked out the window and asked another question.

“Do you guys always fetch chefs from their houses or...?”

The woman laughed quietly, “You are quite curious, little one.”

You raised an eyebrow.

Little one...?

“That’s an interesting accent you got there?  Where y’all from?”

The first woman gave you answer, “A place far away from here.”

You were quiet after that.

_

Your mouth dropped at the black and white house that came into view.

Even though the moon and headlights were your only source of light, you could still spot its modern quality.

“Damn,” you mumbled.

The women laughed, “We get that a lot.”

They pulled in and the three of you got out.

That feeling of attraction from earlier now increased tenfold as you got closer to the door.

The door unlocked and slowly creaked open.

Holy.  Fucking.  Shit.

“Wow,” you commented, “Nice place.”

“We do the best we can,” the first woman said.

“I love the decor.”

“Then you shall make a fine fixture here,” the other answered.

“Now remember,” the first woman turned back to you, “Our employers are a bit strange but they are kind.  Don’t let them scare you.  Take a seat and relax.  They shall be out soon.”

You looked around, “Thanks gu-”

They were gone.

You huffed and sat on the plush roundabout.

What is it with these people and disappearing?

_

You waited for what felt like hours.

Looking at your clock, you saw the time.

9:45 pm.

Huffing, you laid back and prepared to text your mom that she was right.

This was a dumb idea.

“Nice work (Y/N),” you grumbled to yourself, “You’re in a house owned by some rich ass white folks who you don’t know.  And they are clearly too rich and occupied for you.  Who do they think they are - Will and Grace?”

“Not exactly.”

You gasped and sprung up, whipping around quickly.

The woman standing there was the most beautiful woman you had ever seen.

She was dark-skinned, with an hourglass figure that would make any model weep.

Her bright red dress showed perfectly under the light of the chandelier.

Her hair was shaven with dark curls atop her head and her eyes...

They were red.

“You must be the chef my girls brought me,” she said, her tongue beckoning you with an African accent you couldn’t place, “I am pleased.  They chose well.”

“Oh uh...thank you.  Forgve my rambling please.  I’m usually not that rude-”

You gasped when the woman quickly pulled your extended hand to her with lightning reflexes.

“It is already forgotten,” she said, her honeyed voice filling your ears.

She held your hand an inch away from your nose and took a big sniff.

Her eyes brightened, “You have a lovely scent.”

“Um...thanks, it’s my mom’s perfume.  I wanted to make a good impression.”

She nodded and let your hand go, “Come.  It is time for your interview to start.”

“Yes ma’am.  I have my resume-”

“That won’t be necessary.  All I need is your name.”

“(Y/N), (Y/N) (Y/M/N) (Y/L/N).  And you are?”

“I am called Nakia.  My two girls who brought you here are Okoye and Ayo.”

“Those are pretty names.”

“If you manage to impress me, then you might learn where they come from.”

Nakia walked you into a large kitchen.

The cabinets were pure oak, the fridge was stainless steel and the island was marble.

She sat down, “Cook for me.”

“What do you want me to make?”

She smiled at you, “Anything you want.”

You quietly sat your purse down and got to work.

You fished out all the dished and ingredients and whipped up one of your favorite recipes.

Nakia watched you interested intent.

You boiled the rice and fried the shrimp.

You sautéed the peppers and onions to perfection before taking them and the shrimp and setting them on top of the Basmatti.

You then set the bowl in front of Nakia along with a glass of wine and handed her a fork.

“Bon appétit,” you said, standing back, “Enjoy.”

Nakia nodded and ate.

Her face was expressionless for most of the meal and when she was done, she smiled at you.

“You’re hired.”

Your eyes bugged out of your head.

“Really?!”

“Mhmm.”

“Oh ma’am thank you so much.  But...won’t hyour husband be upset that you hired me without his approval.”

“My husband is a hermet.  But despite that we are equals.  And trust me...”

Her smile widened.

“He will like you.”

____________

And that is all for now my lovelies!  Hope you stay tuned for the next part.  Please feel free to tell me if I should just delete this.  I’ve been throwing this idea around for a while now...

@macfizzle  @wakanda-inspired  @bribrisback  @kumkaniudaku  @black-is-beautiful18  @weasleyginerva @kissesbooboo @supersizemeplz @chaneajoyyy @dreamingoftchalla  @lavitabella87  @pastelpanda19  @chocolatemonkeyrainbows @blackreaders-assemble @blackmissfrizzle  @laketaj24 @eerythingisshaka @blackgirloneshots  @sisterwifeudaku  @destinio1  @pocmarvelworks  @black-mcu-imagines  @black-is-beautiful18  @inlovewithmakeupcomicsanimelove  @wakandalivesforever  @iwrite4poc  @siriuslycollins  @wakandas-vibranium  @100kindsofblake  @muse-of-mbaku  @naturally-bri  @helperofthenight  @dumbchick  @sweettea-and-honeybutter  @drsunshine97  @pastelastronomy24  @plussizeappreciationfics  @royallyprincesslilly  @afro-royalty  @tenaciousarcadeexpert  @shinyanchorface  @scarlettlullaby16 @hennessystevens-udaku @stark-red19 @marvelheaux @valynsia

#t'challa x black!reader #t'challa x nakia x black!reader #polyam fics #black panther fic #t'challa x reader #vampire fics #ugh I know there are some grammatical errors SOMEHWERE up in this thing #oh well #I'm writing again!!! #that's what matters