#urgh fuck this weather honestly

[frozendeity17]

Aaallll fifty of them, in order, punk! :p

Alright, here we go:

Lumity and Percabeth. Yes, I know TOH just ended and TLT won't be coming out for a hot sec, no I do not care.

Never had one specific color, though I've definitely always preferred cooler colors. Used to love greens, but now indigoes, violets, and dark blues are more my style. Still love a good forest green though.

All of the quotes on that one doc abt unlikely posts. Also, "I think it's silly to be ashamed of your art because it's not in a museum and of your voice because it's not selling out stadiums. There will always be people who enjoy and appreciate what you can do." -Tumblr user venuskissed

Private. I'm not one to share my birthday.

Also private. Not today, fae fuck.

See #4.

Honestly, I don't know. I think I give them in all of their forms, but as for receiving, I think affirmation is what does it for me. Might be physical contact though, I do love hugs.

Probably a drama, I did like How to Get Away With Murder, even if I only got through the first season and a bit. Designated Survivor was awesome too.

Spain, for one. I don't know what it is about the place, but it has a charm about it for me. Maybe it's the weather. Aside from that, Greece and Italy would be awesome. I'm a little bit of a mythology nerd, so seeing all of the temples and wonders built for these ancient gods sounds like an awesome experience. If I could choose more, Norway and Iceland are both incredibly beautiful places, and I do kind of prefer the cold. Also, I've always wanted to see the aurora borealis in person.

Ooph, this one is difficult. There are a lot of great scents out there. Vanilla's a long-standing favorite, I remember once bringing a bottle of it to school once to show to my friends. Cinnamon rolls smell delicious, as does that smell from the candles we always used to buy. It might've been sandalwood, but I've never been quite sure. Also, there's this one perfume my mom's worn for as long as I can remember - it's a little too sharp to be entirely pleasant, but it's flowery, and nostalgic for me.

"City of Angels" by Em Beihold. She also wrote the trending songs "Numb Little Bug" - the "Do you ever get a little bit tired of life" one - and dueted "Until I Found You" with Stephen Sanchez. I think her songs "Too Precious" and "12345" are also really good.

Stalker. But seriously, probably one of the places listed in #9, or back home, as I have some stuff to do there.

Vanilla. Most pure chocolate ice creams have a bad aftertaste.

Donuts. I don't know what it is about cake, but I've never seemed to like it all that much, even the good ones. It is, honestly, my least favorite dessert that I'll actually eat - I even like eclairs, which are literally just pastry around messy whipped cream that gets everywhere, more than cake. I particularly hate it with that weird gel writing on it. Just...urgh. Donuts are chill tho, and I'll never turn down a solid frosted with sprinkles or Boston Creme.

Black. It's reliable, doesn't stain easily, works well in formal outfits, doesn't show sweat stains, and works on most complexions. Also, I never really wear much color regardless. I would miss that one blue dress shirt I really like - it's comfy as hell.

Haven't read one in ages, despite my massive TBR, but off the top of my head, probably "With great power comes great need to take a nap," by Nico di Angelo from PJO, if only because of how ridiculous yet true it is.

If I can't handle myself In a fight, I'm not subjecting any of y'all to that.

Ice cream. It's more reliable and easily accessible for me, and frankly, cotton candy is too dry as a dessert.

A famous engineer, hopefully. Being an author would be cool, too.

I do not have pet peeves, I am a pet peeve.

Basic Bitch. I suck at fashion and aesthetics and currently have neither the desire nor the capability to improve. My wardrobe is composed entirely of thin shorts, tracksuit pants, and t-shirts, with a singular formal suit. Might try to start painting my nails soon, see how that goes.

As prideful as it may sound, my intelligence. I don't have much street sense, to say the least, but I have a good factual memory, am good at logic puzzles, and am a quick reader, and I'm rather proud of that.

Saturday. Nothing to occupy that day, nor the day after. It's excellent. My favorite weekday? Probably Thursday. Dunno why, it just vibes the best.

I am SUCH a bad night owl. I don't even know why, I always regret it in the mornings too. I guess it's just kinda freeing, not having the expectations.

Neither, hot chocolate reigns supreme.

This is the first half, the second half to come, as Tumblr apparently has a character limit.

[himbo-buckley]

That the thing with eddie strut and interrupting buck, they cant even try to be say oh.. eddie was was interested in her because we know he was still waiting form shannon. Then with abbey, he tried to storm off but couldn't instead it was a jealous/tense awkward climb

Hello friend 🥰

Yeah, we see Eddie’s reactions to two of Buck’s lady friends (for lack of a better word) and each time he acts weirdly jealous

Just like when he learns that Buck slept with his therapist

And Buck isn’t really much better with the way he acts about Shannon coming to the firehouse and the way he’s so gleeful about Eddie messing up with Ana in 3.12

It’s a pattern and I really hope, if they keep Ryan on, they can keep the dynamic alive and Tim comes through and all of this leads to somewhere

Because it’s been 2 Seasons and it’s supported by text and having two macho dudes being mlm would be groundbreaking

Give me positive bi/pan rep 😭

Edit: just saw my phone turned having into sexing and honestly: #mood

(Obviously I changed it out)

(And now I’ll stop editing)

#omg someone messaged me am i cool yet #buddie #evan buckley #eddie diaz #2.06 #dosed #911 #911 fox #season 2 #okay i need to take a shower now my whole circuit feels like it’s powering down I can barely think #what is happening ya’ll #urgh fuck this weather honestly #jealous!eddie

[myreygn]

What even is college?

summary: Yaku develops unhealthy studying-patterns when the final exams as well as college applications get closer and closer and as his friend and captain, Kuroo feels obliged to help him relax a little.

an: i really hope you like this @heyoitsgenderconfusion and have a nice week :) enjoy reading!

requests are open

O~o~O

The knocking on his door almost startled Yaku enough to make him drop his pen and he rubbed his eyes with an exhausted groan. “Yeah?” God, his voice was all raspy.

“Yakkun? It's me, can I come in?”

Kuroo. Shit. But honestly, what had he expected, not answering any calls or text messages? Yaku leaned back for a moment to regret not simply having sent back an “ok” or a “cant rn, text ya later”, because of course Kuroo would get worried and of course Kuroo would show up to check on him, then he took a big sip of his energy drink in the irrational hope of making himself look a little less tired. Stale. Gross.

“Sure.”

Yaku examined his friend as he entered, or at least the little he could see of him in the dimmed light of the room. Jeans, sneakers, a plain black hoodie. Simple clothes, but they looked pretty fresh and Yaku didn't even want to think of the loose shirt he himself had been wearing for... three days straight? Approximately? Urgh.

“Woah, what's with this darkness, Nosferatu?”

Before the Libero could protest, Kuroo opened the blinds and the bright winter sun light falling in hurt his eyes. The beautiful weather made everything even worse. What time was it again? He turned off the desk light and squinted through the eye-burning brightness at his friend. Messy hair as ever, but at least it looked fluffy and soft, probably freshly showered. Yaku scoffed. Jerk.

“Gosh, you really look like the dead.” Kuroo threw him a mildly concerned glance before turning around again to open the window as well and alright, that did it, the line was crossed.

“What the hell are you doing?! It's fucking cold!”

“Yeah, and your bat cave fucking smells, I can't even breathe. When was the last time you actually left this room?”

“This morning.”

“Did you go the bathroom?”

“I did.”

“Did you get food?”

“I did.”

“Don't lie to me. Whatever you're doing, it can't be more important than eating.” Kuroo leaned over the backrest of his chair to take a look at this books. “What are you doing anyways?”

“Studying.” Or at least he tried to do so. He wasn't really sure about how much of the science stuff he read during the last four hours actually stuck to his brain. Had it been four hours? Three? He still didn't know what time it was. “For college applications.”

“Ah, okay, I see.” Kuroo looked down at him in an almost lurking way and Yaku didn't like it. “You misspelled mitochondrion six times in six different ways on this page alone.”

“Oh, gimme a break.”

“How long have you slept last night?”

That was a very good question. One in which he had no interest answering, or at least answering honestly, because he had already awakened the concerned captain and he really didn't need the reproachfully concerned captain on top of that.

“Uh, I don't know, seven hours?” Minus four and it would've been remotely close to the truth.

“What did I tell you about lying?”

“What did I tell you about opening the window? It's December!”

When he tried to get up, Kuroo pushed him back into the chair with ease (Was he really that limp? Embarrassing.) and tilted his head in that cocky way that could drive everyone absolutely mad. His usual lazy expression wasn't there, instead Yaku was met with a dark stare right into his soul. Creepy.

“Tell me how long you slept and I'll close the window.”

Oh no, he didn't like this at all. Normally he would've just brushed all of this off and pushed Kuroo away, maybe even kicked him and then they would've put on a summer-vibe movie, because Kuroo was a pussy who froze at ten degrees and everything below, and made some hot cocoa. However. He really didn't have the energy to push anything away right now, not to mention lifting his leg, and he also didn't have time for a goddamn movie. Actually, he didn't have time for Kuroo as well. Why was he in here?

“Fuck off, you're not my mom.” Not his strongest comeback, but he had to work with what he got. “Who even let you in?”

“Your mom. Now it's your turn to answer a question.” The captain literally towered over him. Never before had Yaku been so aware of how tall that damn kid was. “How many hours, Yakkun? Just give me a number that is not the amount of liters of energy drinks in your body.”

“69.”

Kuroo just sighed. “Oh Yakkun.” Then, suddenly, he pinned him lightly in his chair and his hands were on Yaku's sides, squeezing and scribbling up and down his torso.

The Libero busted into giggles immediately and he didn't know what was worse; the actual tickling, his incapability of holding back, even though he wasn't that ticklish on his sides, or the fact that the pinning was completely unnecessary for he couldn't have pushed Kuroo off if his life depended on it. Which it did. He was too exhausted for this, he wouldn't be surprised if he just dropped dead.

“Nah- Kuroo! Noho!”

“No can do, buddy. You still haven't given me an honest answer.”

“I did.”

“You suck at lying, did you know that?” Kuroo's moved his hands up a little, making Yaku coil up in his seat as good as possible – anywhere, just away from those awful hands! “Come on, just tell me. I won't be mad, I promise.”

“C-close the window, then I'll tehell you!”

The tickling stopped and Yaku heard how Kuroo moved away from the chair. This was his chance! He jumped up and tried to make his way to the door, only to be grabbed from behind and pulled back just before he could reach for the doorknob.

“Come on, seriously?” The captain shuffled around a little, pushing textbooks and paper out of the way, then Yaku was dropped on the bed and Kuroo towered over him once more. “Dude, that was so sad.”

The Libero looked to the side; the window was closed. Was he really that slow? Had Kuroo really managed to fully close the window and catch him, even though the way from the window to the door was twice as far as the way from the desk to the door and yet... alright, maybe he should really go to bed. But he couldn't-

“Waah! Kuhuroo! Don't, dohohon't!”

Kuroo smirked down at him, prodding his hip and scribbling over the skin that had been revealed by his ridden up shirt, making him twist from side to side to try to avoid the tickling fingers. “You know how to make it stop. Just tell me. How many hours?”

“Suhuck my- three! Oho myhy gahahawd, threhehee!”

“Three hours?” Kuroo moved his hands away from the Libero's ribs  and clicked his tongue. “That's super unhealthy, you know that, right? You have to take breaks.”

“E-easy for you to sahay!”

Kuroo furrowed his brows. “What do you mean?”

“Nohot everyone is aha genius, you prihick!”

Yaku gasped for air heavily when the tickling stopped again and turned his head to the side so he wouldn't have to look at his friend. He hadn't meant to say what he just said, but who was he kidding, he was tired and the tickle attack only added onto his exhaustion.

“What are you talking about?”

“I have to study, okay? I know you're taking college prep classes and what not, but I'm not on that level, I can't allow myself to strut around and annoy my friends when I should be studying!”

Okay, maybe he was also a little mad. Mad at Kuroo, mad at himself, mad the school system and oh shit, his voice was breaking. Kuroo's weight vanished when his friend climbed off of him and he was pulled into a tight hug.

“Hey, hey hey hey, don't cry, okay? I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you upset, I'm really sorry. I just...” Kuroo chuckled nervously. “I get it, okay? You think this is the best way to get through exams, but trust me, it's not, holy shit, it's absolutely not! You got time, alright? And you can't just pull through without taking breaks and stuff! It's 'Eat, Sleep, Repeat', not 'Cry, Die, Repeat'.”

Yaku choked out a laugh and dried his tears a little. “I know... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude. You work hard too, I get it. I just... I can't fail these damn entrance tests, I just can't, I have to... I have to...”

“No, you don't.” Yaku squeaked and fell back on the mattress when Kuroo's fingers wiggled into his sides once more. “Don't give me that face, you know I'm right. I have to study to get into a good college, but you can easily get a scholarship, Yakkun. You're a kickass Libero!”

Yaku blushed, giggling harder as Kuroo latched onto his ribs once more. He would've rather died than admitting it, but there was a happy feeling settling in his chest and for the first time in forever, he felt pretty relaxed. “I- shuhut up!”

“Never.” Kuroo grinned, visibly catching on his friend calming down. “Even if you don't get into the college of your dreams, so what? What even is college anyway? You're smart, talented, you're a hard worker and you learn really fast! You can start your own business, you can travel the world, Yakkun, you can do anything! Don't stress yourself so much over stupid college.”

“K-Kuroo – stahap! Please!” Yaku felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes, from laughter this time, and his stomach began to ache from laughing too much. He really was exhausted.”

“Not until you admit it. Repeat after me: 'I can do anything'.”

“I cahan do ahahanythihing- Kuroo!”

The captain smiled softly and took his hands of Yaku's hips to gently rub his back when he sat up instead.. “See? That wasn't so hard, was it?”

“You suck.” Yaku breathed heavily and Kuroo waited patiently until he regained his composure. The Libero blushed a little more and almost didn't dare to look him in the eyes, but when he did, they were warm and soft. “But I... I guess I really needed that, so... thank you.”

“I'm always this kind, Mori-kun.”

“Shut up. And then leave, I'm going to bed.”

“Oh no, you're not, not until you take a shower!”

“Okay, okay, I get it, I'm gross.”

“You're disgusting.”

“Yes, thank you for your input, Tetsurou.”

“My pleasure.”

“Get out of my house.”

Yaku chuckled softly as Kuroo dropped a curtsy and weakly threw a pen after him. Maybe not answering any calls and messages hadn't been the worst idea after all. He yawned. Nothing could beat the idea of going to sleep though.

#haikyuu!! #haikyuu!! fic #tword fic #yaku morisuke #kuroo tetsurou #ticklish!yaku #lee!yaku #ler!kuroo #stress relief tickling #rey writes

[hajimine]

LEX’S 2020 APPRECIATION POST PT. II !

— to the lovely moots & followers who i talk to quite often (or pretty much everyday), this one’s for you.

thank u for being in my life, you made my 2020 so so much better. i’m so grateful october lex decided to make a tumblr acc 🥲

i’ll try my best to keep it kinda short 🥲👍

in alphabetical order:

@4fterh0urs — my omega phoebe 😩‼️ ily so much bc you’re both extremely stupid n extremely smart at the same time. u mean so much to me and i love talking to u even if u call me such weird as nicknames every damn day 😃 you’re so sexy n hella intimidating smfh idk how i was able to make u my bitch (JK PLS DONT KILL MEE) anyways, thanks for being a real one bae + you’re the person i block the most, so you’re special ig 😹👍 ily you’re actually such a sap but u pretend to be all tough heh <33

@archivednikes — my solar system, my wh*re (lovingly) hi bae 😣 ok yk how much i love u but. im gonna tell u again: ILYSM!! OKAY??? please know that you’re such an amazing human being and you’re SO incredibly talented. god i love u so much please take care of yourself baby, you’re always so kind to other people and i hope you can do the same to yourself. once again, i am so fucking glad you decided to slide into my inbox that day, because now i look forward to talking to you every single morning. insert grabby hands ilysm <33

@boosyboo9206 — onyx hi babes! i’m so so grateful for you omg u dont even know it. you always manage to cheer me up with your antics and you’re always here to support me 🥺 whenever i’m down you somehow aways manage to make me feel a lil better. i love talking to u whether it’s about sth as mundane as the weather or even your obsession with the word peepers. thank you for being you, please take care of yourself and stop sleeping so damn late. ilysm <33

@ch4jime — chloe bae!! 😁 hi omg ilysm you’re so cute and cool and nice urghh thanks for always checking up on me! i love love seeing you in my asks, you’re such a lovely person to be around. i seriously need to be better at dropping in other people’s inbox, so just know that i’ll work on hanging out on your blog more often this year bc ily! i wish u all the best and please never stop being you baby mwah <33

@fairyoomi — hi bae 😣😣 how are u?? i know we don’t talk much anymore, and that’s okie, but i still wanna write u this lil note because i’m so thankful i met you here on tumblr. you’re an amazing writer and u were so sweet to me even when i was a teeny blog who didn’t know anyone. i admire u a lot, yknow? thanks for being such a friendly and welcoming person, ily <33

@gu3to — mochi bestieo 🙀 idk if you’ll even see this smh so i’m just gonna text u after this (if i don’t forget to rip) okay so. hello?! you’re so mf cool and you’re a trendsetter 🤩 yes yes im fueling your god complex it’s bc ily smh. you’re so dumb i wanna choke u sometimes but i won’t bc i’m also just as dumb 😁 pls stop disappearing from the face of the Earth okay ilysm you always keep it real and i know i can always count on u to listen to uh... my shit. okay so when are we gonna make out? 🤨 oki bye <33

@hoekageyama — wifey!! maddie baby urghh yk how much i love you, you’re one of my earliest moots im pretty sure? and aaaaa i’m so so glad i decided to be weird as hell and slide into your asks that day (pancreas. sighs. iconic.) you’re my numero uno whenever i wanna bark about hot 2d boys and what i’d let em do to me coughs err yea hehe. please take care of yourself baby you’re such a sweet and kind and loving person and i’m so glad to have you in my life. smh we text each other lovey dovey texts anyway but i still wanna do this for u 😋 ilysm!!! <33

@honeyskawa — lani baby hi! i know you haven’t been super active lately, but i just wanna tell u that i appreciate u so so much!! you honestly made my goddamn week when u sent me that ask about how i inspired you bc what the heck?? never in my life have i expected to have such an impact on someone. you’re a wonderful writer honestly. i love u so much and i hope everything’s going well baby, i’m excited talk to u more whenever you decide to be active on tumblr again <33

@jougogo — kaybae hi!!! you haven’t been on tumblr much lately but hi sexc it’s me lex lol i’ve moved accs hehe 😎 i hope u see this whenever u get your phone back cries. you’re such an amazing person to be around, always so cheerful and friendly, you exude so much positive vibes and ilysm. you always manage to lift up the mood with your sexc self and i admire u for that. you’re so incredibly chaotic and fun to be around ahrgehxhh i appreciate u sm and i hope you’re taking care of yourself bby ily <33

@kemochie — my waluigi, my favorite f*rry, hi 😝 urghhh god we just started talking everyday pretty recently but god. you’re so funny??? and i love bullying u bc u give me so much material to bully u with (ok jkjk i love u that’s why i bully u smh) also, you’re so incredibly supportive and u were actually the one who pushed me to finally post that atsumu fic, even tho stupid me accidentally deleted it LMAOBSBD anw, u bring sm joy in my life, so thank u for that. we’re a small lil filf and you’re the milf to my dilf LMAO ilysm mwah!! <33

@kenmaki — gabbae! virgo bestie!! hi hi !! you’re such a talented person and you’re an amazing writer, and i hope one day u can get past your insecurities and see yourself as the wonderful person u truly are. i love how we were able to relate to each from how similar virgos think + our initial conversation of dick measurements and such will forever be seared into my memory. and congrats on getting a daily railing on the dash HSBDH i don’t look at em i promise lol 🤩🤩 jdbdhdh ilysm bby <33

@miyams — ren sweet babie hi! you’re so incredibly talented please don’t listen to stupid hate anons. i’ll stab them with a serrated knife if i have to 😠🔪 you’re so flippin cute and sweet i love talking to you, and i love love love whenever u come by my inbox to say hi. i hope we can talk even more in 2021, my dms and asks are always open for u bby (even though i suck at replying right away, sorry abt that huhu) i love u sm baby please take care of yourself <33

@miyasangel — ardie bae 😜 hi sexc!! i still cant believe we talk like everyday now lmaoo i used to think you’re so freaking cool (i still do) and now i’m friends w u whattaheck 🥲 you’re such an amazing writer wtf. i hate that we had to start our friendship on such a sour note (ehem discord ehem) but i’m really glad it brought us closer together. ily cockarden i’ll be sure to bully u even more HAHAGS IM JK makes out w u so hard bc you’re so damn hot ily 😣‼️ <33

@owlywrites — owly baby hello! ily so so much and you’re so talented, you deserve so much recognition. i hope i can read more of your fics soon bc they’re so well written ugh 😣 thanks for always checking up on me and always being so incredibly sweet. i love u so so muchhh huhu i wanna give u the biggest hug in the world :( please take care of yourself and never stop being your genuine self kith kith <33

@rilacry — milfy gorlillola 😜😜‼️ hi sexc. omfg i was so intimidated by u wtf (and i still kinda am smh) bc you’re so cool?? and your writing n carrd making skills are amazing as hell wtf. u just exude BDE bc you’re hella hot AND bc u wanna peg everyone. anyways,, i’m glad we got closer recently, even if it was out of really wack circumstances. ily bae pls stop sticking your memojis everywhere mwah <33

@rintaroll — my kue tete ☹️☹️ ilysm smh bye i can’t believe we’re close now wtf you’ve always been so cool and sexc 😩‼️ oh god i rmb when u were still on your old acc and u seemed so out of reach and i was a lil intimidated ANDBDJD SHHH but yea now ik you’re just a big h word dork and i love u for that 😣 i wish u all the best for your singing career bby you’re such a talented writer AND singer wtf. also you’re so pretty???? wtf how rude 😠 JKJK HAHHSBD ilysm kithes u so hard <33

@tetsoleil — geegee!! hi baby 😣 thanks for being such a sweet human being ily! it’s been a while since we actually talked yeah? but i still want u to know that i love u a lot and i appreciate u so much. i’m so so grateful you’re in my life because you’re such a joy to be around. you’re an amazing writer bby and i hope you get the recognition u deserve. i’m always here for u if u need anything. ilysm bby <33

@velvetfireworks — rachie bae 🤩 my bakso goreng, my golden kiwi!!! ily!! hehe im so glad i decided to slide in your dms when u asked me if i was indo. but ahhhh you’re ao sweet and cute and supportive ilysm. an amaaazing writer and i admire your work so much, but i think you’ve heard me say that multiple times before. i’m so glad we became closer recently through our love for greasy food and wonky lil faces 👁💋👁 kith kith ilysm <33

@yato-o — yato baby hi!! urgh honestly i appreciate u so so much?? i feel so lucky to be able to get to know you. i don’t even remember how we met but ahhh thank u for always stopping by and have a chat with me even though i know you’re a busy person. please take care of yourself and get some rest whenever u need to! don’t feel pressured to come on here if you’re tired baby, im so grateful to have u in my life, i luv youu <33

HAPPY NEW YEAR YOU SEXY BAES!

kisses, lex

#💬 #bye this took me so long #the biggest kithes for u all mwa

[terrm9]

In My Veins (Ethan Ramsey X MC)

The final chapter of Already Gone series is here! Thank you for everyone who decided to give the series a shot, thank you for all your likes and comments and reblogs! I have two one shot sequels planned already and then bunch of random one shots abour Ethan and Chiara, which might ot might not correspond with Already Gone storyline - but that’s not relevant now. Enjoy the chapter!

I honestly think this can be easily read even without reading previous chapters.

Words count: 3 800

Warnings: slightest hint of angst, but mostly this is just fluff

——– IN MY VEINS ——

Chiara’s day has been downright frustrating so far. She was dealing with two patients – one of them being an absolute pain in the ass and the other, on the other hand, sweet fourteen years old which she had troubles diagnosing – and besides that, Ethan has been to New York for three days and she missed his reassuring smiles while walking down the corridors.

Just get through today and you’ll be fine. He will be back by the evening and you will see him tomorrow morning.

She was tired and angry with the PITA and also angry with herself for not being able to diagnose Leah.

All of those draining emotions and thoughts made her curse under her breath when she was paged by the nurses’ station, which didn’t go unnoticed by Sienna and Jackie which were walking by at the moment.

“Uh-oh, Dr. Ray, such nasty word coming from such pretty mouth?”

“Shut up Sienna or she will find a brand new nasty word for you” Jackie stopped her, grinning. “What made you so irritated, Chiara?”

Chiara sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose as she kept walking to the nurses’ station.

“The day has literally just began and I already feel like punching something. Or someone.”

“You resemble Ramsey too much Chiara,” Jackie chuckled. “You are even grumpier than Zaid today.”

At that, Chiara had to laugh and as she finally approached the station, she felt at least a little bit lighter.

“I’ve been paged,” she said to Danny, noticing that the station was unusually full this morning, crowded with fellow resident, interns and even few attendings.

“Yeah, this came for you. The courier just dropped it off,” he smiled as he reached for a bouquet behind the counter.

Chiara’s mouth fell wide open at the sigh of huge bouquet full of sunflowers. The air was filled with ‘oooh’s’ and ‘wooow’s’ coming from mouths of women around Chiara and there was also one ‘hmm someone’s getting laid tonight’ coming from a surgeon resident Chiara didn’t really know.

“What does the note say?” Sienna couldn’t help but ask curiously, glancing over Chiara’s shoulder.

Cheeks flushed in bright red color, Chiara opened the note with the trembling hands.

‘Vincent Van Gogh once said that he finds comfort in contemplating the sunflowers. I find comfort in contemplating you’ -J

She smiled to herself, knowing very well who the flowers came from – there was only one person knowing about her obsession with Van Gogh, just as there was only one person to sign the note with ‘J’.

Her spirits were immediately lifted, however the hot blush on her cheeks and her neck didn’t seem to be disappearing.

“Do you know who sent them?” Stephanie asked from behind the desk.

“Chiara you never told us you had a boyfriend!” Danny exclaimed brightly.

“Right, Chiara, you never told us! Who could that be?” Jackie grinned, making Chiara blush even deeper, if that was even possible.

She kept staring down at the flowers in her hands, trying to neglect the excited whispers suddenly surrounding her.

How was the whole nurses’ station talking about her secret boyfriend all at once?

“What is going on in here?” The deep voice she knew so well cut through the vibrant buzz.

Chiara’s head snapped to the direction of the voice and it took her all her acting abilities to pretend to be simply surprised and nothing else. Not happy, not excited, just surprised.

Like a deer in a spotlight, she froze on the spot and with wide eyes kept searching the familiar and oh so handsome face she missed so much.

His blue eyes found her face in the middle of the crowd and for the moment so brief she almost missed it, his stare softened the way it always did just for her and there was the tiniest hint of radiant sparks she adored so much. Before anyone else could notice the affectionate exchange of their stares, Ethan’s gaze hardened and he cleared his throat.

“Dr. Ramsey! We didn’t expect to see you until tomorrow,” Stephanie smiled brightly at him.

“My job in New York was done earlier than expected,” he shrugged, oblivious to Stephanie’s attempt of flirting. “I asked what is going on in here?”

“Dr. Ray got this splendid bouquet from a secret admirer,” Sienna smiled all too knowingly at Ethan, which – far better at acting than Chiara – simply raised an eyebrow.

“Congratulations,” he replied dryly. “However the last time I checked this was a hospital, not a high-school corridor. Now quit the gossiping and get back to work.”

Chiara noticed some doctors to roll their eyes and heard one of the nurses to whisper: “And everything is back to normal now.”

She chuckled and turned around to put the flowers into the locker room, entirely aware of the fact that she would be paged into the diagnostics office within the next few minutes.

˜

“You have really outdone yourself with the grand arrival, Dr. Ramsey,” Chiara grinned as she stepped into his office and made sure that they were alone. “How much calculating needed to be done in spite of pulling this trick?”

“Believe it or not, Rookie, it was an absolute coincidence. I have had the flowers delivery arranged even before I left to New York and I didn’t think that I would be able to come back earlier until this morning. But it indeed worked out to my satisfaction,” he laughed softly, standing up from the chair behind this desk. Quickly checking the corridor behind the glass door, he wrapped Chiara in his arms and lightly kissed the top of her head.

“Thank you for the flowers. I would never believe that you are such a romantic soul.”

As they found their way to the grey couch in the corner of the room, Ethan replied with his brows furrowed: “I prefer ‘gentleman’ over ‘romantic soul’, but whatever serves you is okay by me, I suppose.”

“Gentleman, huh?”

“Ever since I was a little kid, my father was very insisting on raising me into polite gentleman. Saying thank you, please, greeting others, that was necessary part of my childhood. And then when I got older, he has taught me everything about being a true gentleman – opening the door, kissing the back of woman’s hand when she introduced herself, bringing flowers, all those things were a natural part of growing up for me.”

“You never kissed the back of my hand when I introduced myself.”

“First, your hands were covered in blood when we introduced ourselves, if I remember it correctly. And second, I don’t do those things anymore. After several experiences when my gentleman behavior has been misread as flirting, I stopped performing it. Unless I am interested in actual flirting with the woman, of course.”

“So you are saying that you want to flirt with me?” Chiara asked with a teasing smirk on her face.

Amused, Ethan simply shook his head and as he was about to ask her if she would like some coffee, her pager’s loud beep broke the comfortable silence surrounding them.

“Oh, Leah’s results. I’ll go pick them up and I’ll be right back, I might need your opinion on this case.”

Without a second glance, she left the room. Ethan stretched his legs and rubbed his tired eyes, cursing himself for going to the hospital straight from the airport when he could be sleeping in his bed now.

But again, Chiara was at the hospital, so how could he be anywhere else?

She brought him much more comfort than his bed could ever provide, anyway.

Not wanting to waste his time, he got back to the chair and started to catch up with all the paperwork that has been loyally waiting on the desk for his return.

He got so consumed by the work that he hardly noticed Chiara’s arrival, if it wasn’t for her furious murmuring as she flipped through the pages of her patient’s file.

“There must be something missing… white cells normal… what am I not seeing… negative, negative, negative, urgh, FUCK ME!” she threw her head back as she all but shouted those last two words.

“Happily,” Ethan replied without missing a beat, now even glancing up from his paperwork. “Although I am afraid that now and here is not the right time nor the place.”

“Seriously, Ramsey?” she turned to him, fire burning in her eyes, her cheeks flushed – was it flush of frustration or the one of lust? “Now you are joking?”

“I am sorry but passing such opportunity would be a sin,” he grinned at her and waved at the file in her hand, gesturing for her to come closer. “Show me what got you so heated.”

˜

Several days later, Chiara and Ethan were walking by the river, enjoying one of those few precious moments when they have both had their day off.

The April weather has been rather nice this year, however the water in the Charles River was still so cold that Ethan couldn’t help but mutter “those crazy idiots” every time he noticed someone in it.

Finding the spot where they could talk hidden from the curious eyes of others, they sat down and for a long moment stared at the sparkles the sun was creating at the water surface.

“I am happy, Chiara. I am happy with you,” Ethan broke the silence and wrapped his arm around Chiara’s waist, pulling her closer to him.

She nodded and smiled gently at his words without saying anything, knowing that Ethan didn’t expect her to say it back.

From time to time, he felt the urge to express how he felt at the moment and all Chiara needed to do was to listen and acknowledge his feelings. He already knew she was happy with him, because unlike him, Chiara has never had problems with expressing how she felt.

After long minutes spent in comfortable, peaceful, pleasant silence, Chiara stood up and grabbing her purse, she said: “I noticed the truck serving coffee just around here, I’ll grab us some, okay?”

“Sure. I’ll be right here.”

As he promised, Ethan didn’t even move from the place they found, waiting for Chiara to return.

However, after more than forty minutes, he became rather worried about her. It was only after he heard the sirens when he grabbed everything from the ground and decided to find her, his steps quicker than they would normally be.

The ambulance was parked near the river and he noticed paramedics examining a little boy, his mother crying next to him. And behind them, Chiara sitting in the ambulance, wrapped in the blanket.

With his breath quicker, his vision blurred and hands trembling, he ran those last few meters.

“What the fuck, Rookie?” he called as he approached her. “What happened?”

“I was about to order when I heard a woman’s scream and when I turned around, I noticed a little kid in the river,” she explained, her lower lip trembling from the cold. “I jumped into the water and pulled him out.”

“Are you crazy? You could’ve drown!”

As she opened her mouth to fight him, he was sure, the paramedic interrupted them, checking Chiara’s pressure again.

“It seems to be okay, miss, but we should still take you to the hospital. Just to be sure you will be completely okay.”

“I said I am fine, thank you. Just focus on the boy.”

“We really should take you.”

“I am a doctor at Edenbrook,” Ethan stepped in. “I will take her there and examine her.”

“I am sorry but who are you, sir? Do you know him, Ms. Ray?”

“Yeah, he is my…uh…well, we are-“

“I am her boyfriend and I am taking her to Edenbrook now. Just take care of the kid,” Ethan said with the tone that left no room for further discussion.

He grabbed Chiara’s hand, not caring about anyone seeing them and pulled her towards his building, thankful that it was so close to the park. Without giving her a chance to tell or do anything, he went straight to the parking garage of the building and into his car.

“You could’ve just checked me at your place,” Chiara shrugged as Ethan switched the engine on.

“I’ll examine you at the hospital,” Ethan replied without as much as glancing at her, his voice cold as ice.

“My boyfriend, yeah?” she smiled, hoping that it would break the tension between them.

“It’s not the right time for teasing, Chiara. What were you even thinking? You could’ve both died!”

“But we didn’t. I can swim, Ethan, I really can. Someone had to help the poor kid.”

“Yes, exactly, someone! Not you. Anyone else could have done that.”

Chiara sighed, wrapping herself tighter into the blanket, the wet, cold clothes causing her to shiver.

Ethan wanted to yell at her, to continue his monologue about how dangerous that was and irresponsible and that there was no need to pull such Aveiro stunts, but noticing how much she kept shivering, all he brought himself to do was switch the heating on.

As they parked outside the hospital, he asked: “Do you have some spare clothes in the locker?”

Chiara nodded, already getting out of the car and he told her to come to his office once she is in dry and warm clothes.

Ethan was pacing through his office when she entered, trying to scatter his anger and fear by some physical activity, which proved to be absolutely worthless when he glanced at her and saw the stubborn expression on her face.

“You acted absolutely recklessly, Chiara.”

“I couldn’t let the four year old kid drown.”

“There were other people!”

“Well, nobody else jumped into the water, so I guess it had to be me. I am absolutely fine, Ethan. This is unnecessary.”

“I will be the one to evaluate if you are or are not fine.”

Letting his emotions go for a while, so that he could do his job, he once again checked Chiara’s pressure, listened to her breathing, measured her temperature and only after he made sure that she, indeed, was absolutely fine, he let out a long breath of relief.

“You will stay at my place tonight, in case something goes wrong. I need to check on you.”

“I would stay with you tonight anyway, Dr. Ramsey. No need to cause such drama for something as stupid as me getting into the cold water.”

“Damnit Chiara,” he muttered but decided not to cause another scene at the hospital ground.

Without saying another word, they both left the office, not giving a damn about their colleagues that wondered why would they both be at work on their day off.

The car ride back to Ethan’s place was quiet and tense and so were the minutes that followed after they’ve gotten into the apartment.

Not wanting to ruin the rest of their day, Chiara approached Ethan – who has been pacing around his living room now – and said: “Okay, Ethan. I think you are overreacting, but still – I am sorry I got you worried today.”

“Worried? Worried? I was scared! When I saw you in the ambulance, I was scared to death, Chiara!”

His voice was raising, which only sparked more flames in Chiara’s eyes. She didn’t want to fight with him, but she would not let anyone shout at her, not even Ethan Ramsey.

“Okay, you really need to calm down-“

“No. No, no, no,” he interrupted her, his voice rising once again. “You don’t get to tell me to calm down, Chiara. Because it was not me in a car accident, it was you. It was not me lying on the operating table, it was you. But it was me who stared at the door to the O.R. for hours and hours, waiting for Emery to come out and tell me that you are dead. It was me who spent 40 hours sitting next to you after the surgery, afraid of closing my eyes for even a second because I believed that you would die and I would have my eyes closed at the moment! It was me who held your hand while you were in come, not the other way around. I was the one calling your mother to tell her that she should fly to Boston because you might not survive this, not you calling my father. You were never close to losing me, Chiara, you have no idea how it feels to look at your motionless body, at your closed eyes and believing that I would never see you moving again! So no, I am sorry but it’s not your place to tell me to calm down, Chiara Ray, because every time you don’t pick up your phone for a longer while, every time you leave the town with your friends, every time you attend a party or a concert now, every single time my chest literally hurts of fear. I am so fucking scared every time we are not together, because when we are not together, I can’t save you and I wouldn’t get through losing you.”

He took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down like Chiara asked him to, but the lump in his throat was too big and the anger mixed with dread made him shout even more.

"I can’t lose you, Chiara, don’t you fucking get it? I can’t live this life without you in it, because I care about you, because I need you, because goddamnit I love you and-“

He stopped abruptly, realizing what he had just said.

The silence that filled the room was heavier than all the shouts before.

Chiara and Ethan stared at each other, their eyes wide, expression shocked, Ethan’s hands trembling by his sides.

“What has just happened?” Chiara whispered at last.

“I don’t… I mean, I never… That was absolutely unintentional,” Ethan breathed out at last.

He fell on the couch behind him and with grave feeling in her chest, Chiara followed and sat down next to him.

“So you didn’t mean it? What you said?”

Ethan’s shocked expression turned into something more than just shock at that question, something resembling guilt and pain.

“No. I mean, yes, I did mean it. But meaning it and expressing it – no, saying it – are two absolutely different things.”

Chiara softly reached for his hand and a wave of relief washed over her when he interlaced their fingers together and squeezed her hand back.

“Do you remember the last time you said those words?” she asked quietly.

“I do. Very well, actually,” he let out a humorless laugh and to Chiara’s surprise decided to tell her.

“One day, I was eleven, I came home from school and my mother was home, which was surprising because usually she would come home in the evening. She hugged me as I stepped in and asked me if I needed any help with my homework. The truth was that I never really needed their help with homework, but if there is one thing I have to admit about my mother, it was the fact that she was – maybe still is – an algebra genius. Real genius, I mean. And ever since I can remember, I have always loved to watch her talk about it or explain something to me, because it would bring those beautiful sparkles into her eyes. You know, those that people only have when they talk about their deepest passions. And so I told her that I actually did need help with algebra and for the next hour, I would just observe her eyes, because they were so full of light. And after we were done with it, she asked me if I would like an ice cream and I was so happy to spend some time with her that I agreed, even though I never really liked ice cream. So we went to get the ice cream and she would tell me all the algebra jokes and we would laugh so hard the tears kept streaming down our faces. On our walk back home, I told her ‘I love you so much, mum’ and she said ‘and I love you, my little E.J., more than you could ever imagine’.”

He tried to subtly hide his face, but Chiara noticed the tears streaming down his cheeks and with all the gentleness she could find, she wiped them away.

Ethan cleared his throat to finish the story.

“The next day, she left us. And for months, maybe even years after that, I kept asking myself if she decided to spend all that time with me because she knew that she would leave us? Or maybe she wanted to spend some time with me to help herself decide if she wanted to stay with us or leave – and it that case, what should I have done better to make her believe that she wanted to stay? Or was the ‘I love you’ too much for her to hear and it scared her so much that she’d rather leave? I never found the answers. But I swore to myself back then that I would never say those words again.”

“And you never did? To anyone? Your dad, Naveen, anyone?” Chiara whispered.

Ethan simply shook his head and pulled her into his lap, wrapping his arms around her more tightly than he ever did.

“Please, tell me you won’t leave me tomorrow, Chiara,” he whispered into her hair.

“I promise I won’t leave you, Ethan.”

They hugged each other, letting their tears stream down their faces, Ethan’s into Chiara’s hair and Chiara’s into Ethan’s shirt.

At the moment, their hearts were shattered and at the same time, they were being healed.

“So you do?” Chiara asked with a light smile after a while. “You know, uhm…you do the L word me?”

“I do love you, Chiara, yes,” he chuckled at her uncertainty of using the word love. “And you? Do you ‘the L word’ me?”

“Of course I love you. I have already told you once.”

He kissed her at those words, pouring all his broken and freshly healed heart into the kiss, brushing her lips with his with such care, such softness it made her feel like if it was the first time they kissed.

“But you don’t get to scare me like this anymore, Rookie. I could’ve gone into cardiac arrest,” he said as they parted.

“You are not that old.”

“Young people can go into cardiac arrests too and I am sure that as a doctor, you know that. Promise me you won’t do anything this stupid.”

“I can promise you to try to avoid such situations, but nothing more,” she shrugged. “However, I can also promise you that you can punish me anyhow you want if I do something stupid,” she added, devilish smirk on her face.

Ethan’s eyes darkened immediately and his breath hitched in his throat before muttering into her ear: “Oh, is that so? Maybe I should start right now then.”

taglist: @maurine07 @takemyopenheart @senseofduties @mercury84choices @flightlessbirdiee (I am tagging you guys even though this is part of a series, I hope you don’t mind!)

If you would like to be added to or removed from the taglist, just let me know please. Thank you.

#open heart #open heart choices #open heart fanfiction #ethan ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #pixelberry #play choices #fluff

[theyrejustbehindtheveil]

ML Secret Santa 2020

Hi @stockered, i come bearing your gift for this years @mlsecretsanta. Happy Holidays!

[Read on AO3]

It is a known fact that ladybugs hibernate over the winter. It is also a known fact that they spend the winter huddled in groups for warmth. A fact less widely bandied about is that holders of the miraculous tend to develop traits in common with their animal namesakes over time. (Adrien’s fingernails are incredibly sharp these days. As are his teeth. He keeps biting his tongue. ow ).

It is three days after the weather starts to turn cold and grey in Paris that Alya pokes her head up into Marinette’s room and is almost smothered by a falling pile of wool that topples directly onto her head.

“Mhrbthghmph,” says Alya, which would have been a shout of “Marinette!”, if it wasn’t for the falling pile of wool.

“What the fuck?” she says, once all the wool has tumbled past her to thump its way down to the floor below.

“Alya?” comes the slightly muffled response.

She can hear Marinette’s voice, but she can’t see her. Then, after a moment, the pile of blankets heaped on Marinette’s bed shifts and then falls away to let Marinette’s head poke free.

“You okay under there, Mari?”

Marinette shifts slightly further upright with a grumble. “It’s cooold, Alya,” she whines.

Alya blinks in slight surprise. Even though it is a bit cold outside, Marinette’s room, being both at the top of the house and above the bakery ovens, is definitely warmer than the outside weather. Even so, Marinette has built herself a blanket nest and is curled up underneath it.

Alya shakes off her slight confusion. Odd as it is, Marinette does look incredibly cosy. She drops her bag on the floor, resigning herself to the fact that they probably won’t be going out like they’d planned. She shucks her coat onto the floor. “I’m coming in. Brace yourself, girl,” she says, before dropping on top of Marinette with a gentle fwump . Marinette’s giggle is slightly muffled, but Alya can hear it clearly, and smiles as she pulls out her phone, and gets comfortable.

______________________________________________________________________

Marinette is late again. She lives so close and yet according to Nino, she hasn’t gone a week since starting lycée without being late at least once.

Today, she is later than usual, and the weather outside is cold and grey and Mme Bustier is already rummaging on her desk for the roll. She glances worriedly at the door, and then relaxes slightly at the sound of hurrying footsteps approaching the classroom. Marinette rounds the edge of the doorway, and Alya grins at her, before she notices her outfit.

Marinette has slowly been adding more and more layers for the trip to school, and today, Alya can see at least three jumpers layered under her coat.

“Marinette, so nice of you to join us,” Mme. Bustier says.

Marinette grimaces as she takes her seat. “Sorry, Mme. Bustier.”

Alya leans over to Marinette as Mme. Bustier turns away. “Trouble getting out of bed?”

“My bed is warm and the outside is so so cooold, Alya,” she whines as she tugs her books out of her bag. She tugs the cuffs of her top jumper over her hands and huddles down into the scarf she hasn’t taken off yet.

Alya laughs, before they have to turn and start the lesson, but as Marinette’s attention is turned towards the font of the classroom, she frowns in concern. It is cold, but surely its not so cold as to warrant so many layers.

______________________________________________________________________

Ice is crystallizing on Marinettes window when she lands on her balcony with a shiver. Winter is finally making its presence known with a vengeance, and it’s making everything generally even more unpleasant. Worst of all are the late night akuma fights. She’s convinced that both her and Chat are going to turn into icicles by the western new year.

She drops her transformation reluctantly, and feels Tikki make a beeline to tuck herself under the scarf she’d pulled on in a hurry before leaving for the akuma fight earlier that afternoon. She fumbles the catch of the window lock slightly in the cold, before tumbling gratefully into her much warmer bedroom.

She shucks her outer layers off onto the floor and burrows quickly under her blankets before grabbing her phone off the shelf above her pillow. She flicks quickly to the messaging app that Tikki had managed to magic onto her phone, same as the one on her yoyo. Just like after every other akuma, Chat has left her a message.

CN: ❄❄❄❄😠

She grins.

LB: IDK how you got emojis on this thing, kitty, but i agree

CN: I bribed Plagg. He’ll do almost anything for extra stinky cheese 🧀 .

Marinette curls further under her doona with a grin. She rubs the cold tip of her nose before tapping out a reply.

LB: urgh, i’d like to make hawkmoth fight these akuma’s in the cold, see how he likes it >:(

CN: Take away his space heater!

LB: cut the power to his evil lair!!

CN: Cataclysfkdnflgm

Marinette stares at her phone, befuddled by his response.

LB: ?????

LB: chat??

She frowns in concern when he still doesn’t respond

LB: you ok chat?

CN: Sorry! Plagg surprised me and I dropped my phone!

LB: urgh, we should be going to sleep, i have class so early in the morning.

CN: Me too 😔 .

Marinette sighs, tapping out one final message as she huddles down into her blankets.

LB: goodnight, chat

CN: Goodnight, My Lady.

After plugging her phone in for the night, she curls gratefully under the warmth of her doona. This winter feels particularly cold, and she can’t help a shiver at the thought of it getting colder than it already is.

______________________________________________________________________

Alya bursts into the classroom accompanied by a flurry of cold air and a slightly manic grin. She goes to take her seat next to Marinette, only to find Marinette’s usual seat occupied by Nino.

And then she looks closer, and sees that curled in next to Nino is a bundle of winter wear topped by Marinette’s dark hair. She takes her seat next to the pair of them, and watches in fascination as Marinette appears to try and become one with Nino’s puffer jacket.

“Is Mari okay?”

“I think she’s just really super cold, dude.”

Adrien sticks his head over the desk in front of Nino. “He was talking to Kim, and she grabbed him on his way past before he could sit down.”

Alya chuckles. “It’s not even that cold, Mari,” she says, reaching out to tweak the end of Marinette’s pigtail. “Give her here, Nino.”

Nino sighs gently, “Cmon, dude. It’s Alya’s turn for snuggles,” he coaxes, as he gently lever’s Marinette off his side. It takes a minute before she’s detached enough that Nino can tip her into Alya’s side. The moment Marinette makes contact with Alya’s shoulder, she lets out a little sigh and burrows into Alya’s side.

Adrien grins at the pair of them, before his smile softens as he looks at Marinette. Alya suppresses a gleeful grin at his expression. He keeps looking at Marinette even as he addresses Alya. “I’ll lend her my notes, Alya. I’ll email them over after I get home.”

He turns back around as Nino takes his seat and Mme. Bustier claps to call everyone’s attention to the front of the classroom to start taking the roll.

______________________________________________________________________

The winter holidays started five days ago, and Alya is already missing her friends. It's really getting too cold to go out chasing akuma fights (loath as she is to concede), and the grey mornings light up streets edged by slush. According to the texts they've been sending each other, Marinette has barely left the house since school ended, because “its to coold to be outside, alyaa :(“ . She’s a bit worried about her bestie, honestly. Even Nino, who’s known her for years, says she never used to seem this sensitive to the cold weather.

Luckily, Alya has a cunning plan.

Her phone lights up with a bunch of texts from Nino

BF 🐢 : adrien-napping a success

BF 🐢 : operation Blanket Pile™ is a go!

BF 🐢 : just getting snacs, and we are on our way

BF 🐢 : adrien has the blankets

BF 🐢 : eta 10 💙

Alya smiles at her phone, then hefts her bag and starts walking towards Marinette’s.

Als ❤️ : omw jst laeving park nw will wait fr u outside side dorr maris parents kno were cming see u soon xo babe ❤️

It’s not long before she sees the pair approach from the direction of the lycée . Nino is bouncing along as he talks excitedly with Adrien, who has both his hands full managing a slightly teetering stack of blankets. As they approach, Alya stretches up on her toes to wave at them.

Nino grins as they join her at the door. Adrien, in contrast, offers a shy smile and hangs back a little, as though unsure of his welcome. She knows he’s been to see Marinette before, he has no reason to be shy about it, but Nino seems unconcerned, so Alya turns to open the door so they can all go inside.

The bakery is warm, and Alya can see Tom at the counter, gregarious and entertaining for the customers. Sabine is keeping an eye on the ovens from in the back as they pass, and Alya waves to her as their little group goes by. They have to take their shoes off at the top of the stairs, which almost causes an incident when Adrien tries to take off his shoes without first handing over his blanket burden. Luckily, his balance is as good as Marinette’s is bad, and he rights himself and his blanket stack without stacking it or dropping anything.

Nino leads the way to Marinette’s room and shouts up the stairs with glee.

“Marinette, dude!” he announces. “Can we come up? We have blankets!”

“And snacks!” Alya adds.

There’s a slight thump, which means Marinette probably just fell off of her desk chair again. Or maybe dropped a textbook. The trapdoor lifts and her head pokes over the edge of the hole at the top of the stairs. She’s braided her hair over one shoulder today, almost certainly because she didn’t expect visitors. The plait is falling apart a little, loose strands falling free and messy. She tucks some behind one ear as she grins at them, and Adrien lets out a small squeak from beside Alya at the gesture.

“What are you guys doing here?” Marinette exclaims.

“We have come to bury you in blankets!” Alya calls. “Also, we missed hanging out with you, girl.”

Marinette laughs. “I’ll never say no to blankets.” Even in the warmth of her room, she’s clearly wearing at least one jumper. “Come in!”

They all troop up the stairs, and Alya looks around the room, noticing that the blankets seem to be multiplying in here.

“Right. Let’s get this blanket party started,” she says, and Adrien and Nino set to building the ultimate blanket nest in the middle of the floor as she bounds up to Marinette and pulls her into a tight hug. Marinette lets out a slight squeak by her left ear, before sighing gently and melting into the hug.

“Mmm, you're so warm, Alya,” she mumbles.

Alya chuckles and leads her over to the blankets, Adrien and Nino already buried in the layers. “Mandatory friendship cuddles are even warmer.” she says, settling Marinette next to Adrien before plopping down next to her and swaddling blankets around them both.

It ends, as it sort of began, in a pile of blankets and the warmth of friendship and bakery ovens. Marinette falls asleep fairly soon after, her head buried Alya’s shoulder and her arm curled around Adrien. The rest of them talk the afternoon quietly away as snow starts to drift down outside. Alya tucks one arm around Nino and watches fondly as Adrien curls into Marinette.

It is, after all, a perfect afternoon.

FINIS

#mlss 2k20 #secret santa #fic #bec writes #my fic #marinette #adrien #alya #nino #this is just soft #pure fluff #i am absolutely projecting my feelings about winter onto marinette #shhh #I put way too much thought into everyone's texting styles pls help #miraculous ladybug

[thesaltyace]

big rant/ramble below, you can safely ignore and move on to the next post in your feed.

Urgh

I shared the results of that autism screener with a quasi-friend who I thought would be "safe" (we used to work together and we connected over his being gay and me being visibly queer) but his response was blergh

Everyone has hints of autism.

okay yeah but this isn't just *hints* of autism. I'm answered yes to symptoms I've had since I was a kid that I've learned to mask or work around as an adult. But I still struggle with them.

He pointed out that he sees me as more ADHD than ASD.

Yeah, fair, and I'd need to see a professional to try to distinguish if my symptoms are ADHD, ASD, or both.

You don't hit the three prongs needed for a diagnosis.

But.... but I do. And the stuff I dealt with as a kid is still stuff I deal with today. I just mask it better. A short and not exhaustive list:

As I kid I had trouble interacting with peers. I didn't have friends, really. I didn't know how to make friends and I didn't try terribly hard to. I acquire friends when someone else "adopts" me and decides that we are friends. And once I became an adult, I have almost never had friends of my own - I share a friend group with my spouse who we're primary connected to through him. I'm okay with that. Maintaining a friendship entirely on my own power sounds impossible and exhausting.

I was okay with not having friends, I liked being alone, but my mom insisted on me being social. She made me join things so that I would have a list of people to invite to parties. I'd honestly have preferred a day of doing stuff I like or just a couple friends. As an adult, I want to be alone on my birthday. I will celebrate with certain friends, separately, usually over a quiet meal. That's it.

I had trouble understanding sarcasm and figurative speech. Like, I understand it now but I still think most figurative speech is annoying. I've been told the way I deliver sarcasm is weird, too.

I liked memorizing movies and quoting them start to finish, I thought it was fun but everyone else thought it was weird. I continued to do this into adulthood but I only quote aloud when I'm alone. Alamo Drafthouse quote-alongs are the BEST. I don't do this with every movie, either, just ones I really like.

Okay actually I also liked to listen to the same album or, in some cases, the same song over and over until I was sick of it (and sometimes even after that point). I mean, just endlessly looping on repeat. Not interspersed with other songs. I do this as an adult a LOT because it's easier with headphones to do this without annoying everyone else around you. Like, often it's fine for me to just put a playlist on shuffle, but I get into Moods where I just want the one album/song over and over. Yesterday I listened to Wellerman about 50 times in a row and only stopped because I had to get up and do something else and that song wasn't "good" for whatever I got up to do.

My special interest as a kid was cats. Literally everything cats, all the time - I sought out obscure facts and could tell you the difference between similar species, and wanted cats involved in literally everything I did. Adults laughed it off as childhood obsession. I was also pretty obsessed with the solar system. I thought asking my peers, as a trivia question, which of Jupiter's moons had its own asteroid (Io, in case you were wondering) was appropriate and interesting and was confused that they didn't know that. That was in fifth grade.

I watched the weather channel for fun. I would watch it for hours and absorb the weekly forecast info just... for fun? I never used it, could never tell you if you should dress a certain way or bring an umbrella or whatever. Everyone thought it was weird.

I was a know-it-all and literally could not stop myself from bluntly correcting people who were wrong. Didn't know or care that it was "rude". I'm still that way but I've learned how to sometimes swallow the urge long enough to find a more tactful way to point it out (but often fail).

I could read on my own before kindergarten, used vocabulary beyond what one would expect for my age, and had a special interest in spelling and grammar throughout my school years. I did not understand how other people weren't interested in learning about it and getting it right. I read at an undergrad level by 4th grade.

I hated loud noises and often covered my ears to block out irritating sounds. I could also hear high pitched noises that even other kids didn't seem to hear (or at least weren't bothered by them). Too much noise sent me into an internal meltdown, I'd just kinda shut down because I couldn't deal with it.

Textures and pressure on my skin bothered the absolute fuck out of me - sock seams, certain fabric materials, socks that weren't equally elastic, one shoe tighter than the other, tags.... all of that. (Also, fun anecdote I just unlocked - when I was 4 or 5 my grandmother started letting me use the soft silk sleep shirt she had as a young woman because I preferred it to anything else. Soft, smooth, no irritating qualities. Bliss. I wanted to wear it all the time.)

Don't get me started on food. Until I was in COLLEGE I mostly subsisted on pasta with either butter or alfredo sauce and chicken. I would eat other things, but pasta and/or chicken was (and still is) my biggest safe/comfort food. I'd eat other stuff mostly if I could control the balance of ingredients, get it made plain, or could confirm the texture wouldn't be offensive (so, like... plain burgers, plain cheese pizza, grilled cheese, mashed potatoes, etc.) I cannot stress this enough - from childhood through COLLEGE I did this. As a kid my mom had to make me a completely separate dish most nights to get me to eat something. My spouse was horrified at what little variety I ate. The only reason I eat so much variety now is that he knows what I do/don't like and tells me in advance if I'll find a texture or taste offensive. Of course, rather than wanting consistent texture like I did when I was younger, I now seek as much texture as possible (so long as they aren't Bad textures) so.... that's fun. But yeah most of my objections to Yucky foods is due to T E X T U R E. Even if I like the taste, the texture overrides it all.

I prefer animals to people. I will seek out animals and interact with them instead of people in the same room. And will pointedly focus on the animal to avoid interacting with people.

I'm perfectly happy with only myself for company. Being with just my spouse counts as me being "alone" though. Always has. I just realized last night that it's because I do minimal to no masking around him because he's a safe person to unmask with and always has been. Never batted an eye at the weird shit I do beyond asking questions about what I was doing or why. And then just "Okay."

Okay honestly just the fact that I want to vent into the void of tumblr instead of actually discussing this with a person - even my spouse! - pretty effectively shows how little it occurs to me to interact with other people directly. o_0

And there are so many more things that I won't list here because I could just go on and on. And like, sure, some of this may certainly overlap with ADHD but my point is that I have enough to point to ASD that it doesn't feel like having a "hint" of autism. And who knows - maybe it is mostly just ADHD and CPTSD stuff interacting in weird ways. Could be!

But just because I can make small talk and make eye contact and do the "normal" shit and I can interact "normally" doesn't mean I LIKE it. I had to LEARN to do those things to avoid having bad social interactions. When I'm by myself or with my spouse, I behave very differently than I do around anyone else. ANYONE. It's not just slightly changing my behavior depending on who I'm with - it's completely suppressing how I naturally would do things if left to my own devices.

Like, the things we recommended to our autistic students who wanted to know how to interact in ways that would help them blend in/be accepted by others ARE THE EXACT THINGS I ALREADY DO. Like, it did not occur to me at the time that neurotypicals literally do not have to think about doing those things. I thought, ah, these students just need to be told what the tricks are. Other people figure these tricks out on their own. It did not occur to me that other people, in fact, do not learn these tricks because they naturally do that behavior. They do not have to actively think about learning the trick, period. I literally thought other people also have to think as hard as I do about interactions. Evidently not.

So yeah, I'm feeling a little upset about the reaction I got from him because I'm like.... honestly, a diagnosis of ASD wouldn't change a lot about how I do things or think of things. But it would make me feel better about interacting with and participating in autism-related stuff if I am actually autistic. I realize I can use the resources and supports meant for ASD regardless, and for formal supports anything I can access due to my ADHD diagnosis likely covers anything I'd need for ASD. But having a diagnosis opens up more community. Right now I'm like yeah I'm ADHD but I totally relate to this ASD content. But I'm not going to interact much because I feel like I don't have the right to join in since idk if I do have ASD.

idk I have a lot of feelings. I had a bad email about the trans insurance coverage thing yesterday and I'm not in a great headspace, but finding out me and my spouse both scored very high on the autism screening stuff was honestly a high point because we ended up sharing a lot of how we view and interact with the world that was very eye-opening about why we interact the way we do, how we relate to others (and how other people think we're weird for how we relate to others), and just...everything. And having someone be skeptical after I've spent a lot of time trying to convince myself that I DON'T have ASD only to conclude that at the very least, I should probably be evaluated because I can't reasonably rule it out. Like, most people do not wonder if they have autism. The fact that I am spending this much time looking into it and trying to find examples to disprove it only to find I overwhelmingly can't in virtually every single diagnostic category.... just..... dismissing it outright is kinda hurtful.

Like, I recognize that ADHD symptoms overlap a fair bit, but seriously. My spouse (who definitively does not have ADHD) scored almost identically to me and we vibed on almost everything when we compared answers. We see most things similarly. We have similar areas of confusion about other people and for fundamentally similar reasons. I can't imagine all of the stuff that points to ASD for me is just ADHD in disguise, not when I vibe THAT HARD with someone else. Spouse does not vibe with me on ADHD content. At all. He can appreciate it since he does live with me, after all, and observes whatever's being discussed. But he doesn't vibe with it. He vibes with autism content, though. And I vibe with both.

idk this rant ended in rambling and I'm just going to go listen to Inside on repeat for a couple hours while I try to calm down a bit. o_0

#rant over #for now #I've actually been listening to Inside for the last twenty minutes already lol #maybe I'll try to nap #idk #blergh #yay Shit is playing now and I'm like LOL cause I did wake up at 11:30 feeling like shit #woot #what a bop #I'm like hell yeah you get it #let's vibe

[darkdevasofdestruction]

Day 2 : Hugs - 2P!America/Allen Jones

“What a day...” I mutter to myself as I grip my bag tighter, not even paying attention to the music in my ears, but only to the bad things that keep invading my head.

I get my home keys from my jeans pocket and unlock it, instinctively taking off my glasses so they won’t fog up from the heat, and locked the door again, taking off my shoes and dragging myself to my bedroom, not even noticing the uninvited guest from the living-room.

“Hey, babe, hold up! Why’re you ignoring me?” Allen asked, feigning hurt. “Sorry, Brooklyn, didn’t notice ya.” I manage to say without my voice breaking, but not daring to look his way. “But baaabe, I’m cool and flashy, you can’t NOT notice me!” he tried to joke around, but it only made me feel worse. “Listen, Carolina, I’m not doing very well now, so can’t you please back tomorrow or something? I’ll make it up to you.” I said, but I wasn’t sure that I was actually heard, seeing that my voice was barely above a whisper, and kept breaking. “Huh? What was that, toots? I didn’t hear ya. Let me hear your beautiful voice, dollface~!” he teased, getting closer to me, but I only sniffed, shaking my head and tried to go to my room. “Get a hint, Dakota, I need to be alone.” I managed to utter a bit louder, but to no effect. “Tell me what’s bothering you, babe. You look a bit down in the dumps.” he put his chin on my shoulder as he held my hands from behind, but I could feel that I couldn’t hold on any longer, and I broke down. “CAN’T YOU JUST FUCKING LEAVE ME ALONE, AMERICA?! I’m in the worst possible mental state right now and I just need to be fucking left alone, what’s so god damn hard for you to comprehend?! I told you 4 freaking times already! Leave me be damn it!” I shoved him off, turning around to scream in his face, before rushing to my room, slamming the door shut and going in a corner to cry my frustrations away.

I always hated screaming, and even more, cursing.  I’ve always hated it when my father, a person that I cherish deeply in my heart, would scream and curse whenever he faced an inconvenience, or when he’d argue with me or my mum, so I swore I’d never behave like that with the people I hold dear...

But that’s exactly what I did.

And if this day wasn’t bad enough, yelling at Allen definitely topped everything.

“Damn it...I’m so fucking stupid...How could I do that...To him, nonetheless...I’m such a horrible person...” I sobbed as I kept gripping at pulling at my hair, not knowing how to deal with everything going on, and this made me not hear the door softly opening and Allen crouching in front of me, until he whisper-called me. “Kat...? What happened today? Wanna talk about it?” he asked, gently putting his hand on my head, trying to sooth me down. “Don’t hate me, Allen. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to lash out at you, I’m so sorry. I’m a bad person, you don’t deserve to be yelled at like that, especially for no reason...” I choked on my sobs, not daring to look up at him. “Don’t worry about that, babe. I know that if something upsets you so much, it must be serious. So please, talk to me. We can solve every problem, right? You taught me that.” he smiled gently at me, caressing my face, making me lean into his touch, holding his hand on mine, crying harder. “C-Can you just hold me, please? I feel like that would help a lot right now.” I ask shyly, as he kissed my forehead. “Come ‘ere, baby. I’ll fight your bad thoughts away for you, and when you’re feeling safe, we can talk about it, okay?” Allen reassures as he grabbed the fluffy grey blanket with pretty snowflakes on it and put it around my shoulders and I sat between his legs on the ground, cuddling to his side and crying away my sorrows on his shoulders, all while he kept silent and played with my hair, something he knows mum always did to me to calm me down.

After what seemed like an eternity, I managed to finish all the tears for today, so I slowly pushed myself up to look at him, kissing his cheek as a thank you.

“I did 12 hours of Uni labs today so I can be free tomorrow to spend all the day with you, since it’s our anniversary. I wanted to bake you a cake too...Urgh. And I got super annoyed with how my grandparents are so damn petty and realised how stupid all my family is, except for my parents...And honestly, Allen, you and your family have been for me a much better family then my own relatives have been all this time...I know it’s all very stupid, but I guess all the bottled up stress and negative emotions kinda went down hard today because of the lack of sleep from these past weeks...And you were my victim, unfortunately. I’m really sorry about that...” I explained myself, feeling my heart break thinking again at Allen’s innocent and shocked face from earlier. “Don’t worry, babe, I’ve got you covered. You’re the strongest and kindest person I’ve ever met in my life, so if you managed to teach me that I can be a better man and I can heal, with help and healthy habits, then I’d be an idiot not to support you when you need me. I’d be a really shitty boyfriend, babe.” he winked at me, making me giggle and hide my face into his chest, getting him to chuckle softly at me and raise my face up, wiping away my tears. “I don’t know how I finally got so lucky to have you in my life, but if this is a dream, I’d kill anyone who dares try to wake me up.” I smile tenderly at him. “Leave the killing to me, babe, you’re the one to save cute puppies and kittens, ‘kay? Also, smile more, it melts my heart that’s been frozen by this weather.” he smirked as he put his hand at the back of my head, slowly leaning in and leaving a gentle kiss. “I can solve that with a cup of Hot Chocolate and Frozen 2. I got it from the Torrents last night.” I giggled excitedly, hugging him and pulling him up by the hand. “You, illegal pirate~!” he chuckled at my excitement, shaking his head. “You love me~.” I winked back, squeezing his hand as we got to the kitchen to prepare the best Hot Chocolate. “Yeah, I do. I love you, Kat.” he said in a soft voice as he put down the big Christmas mugs and started working on the mixture.

#fluffy self-cember #self indulgent #2p!hetalia #2p!america #allen jones #allen jones x reader #hetalia x reader #aph hetalia #Axis Powers Hetalia #Christmas #december #winter #hot chocolate #cozy

[magioftheseas]

Magical Miracle Dream Girl ☆ Momonomi

Summary: Matsuda suits up Monomi for her next attempt at the second boss in the events immediately following Chapter 13 of Super Danganronpa 2: Matsuda Yasuke's Battle of Despair and Wits .

Rating: PG (?)

Warnings: Laaaaanguage I guess? Idk.

Notes: Dude, reading this over with it being more reference heavy is lowkey super embarassing for me so I really don’t get how Kodaka does it so shamelessly. But I tried. Oh my god did I try. Anyway, I’m a sucker for ribbons and yet I did not squeeze in a single reference to the Ribon magazine so in reality I am a failure. In all seriousness, writing Matsuda and Monomi is great and I wuv wuv them both so much.

Read this fic among others HERE

Main story is HERE

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“U-Uuu...boohoo.”

Monomi sniffled into her paws, sitting on her rump and looking so pitiful it was honestly kind of sickening. Matsuda, ever weathering, just stared and waited for her to stop crying.

“I-I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, I-I’ll get stronger, I will, I will, but, but,” her breath hitches. Matsuda wordlessly hands her a handkerchief and she blows into it. It’s an astounding sight and he refuses her trying to return it. He’s just, he’s not sure how his sanity would handle potentially having to wash off a stuffed animal’s mucus from a fabric. Shit was already so fucking weird.

Monomi dabs at her eyes delicately.

“Matsuda-kun, you really are such a kind boy. So, so kind.”

That’s such a miserable thing to say, so Matsuda rolled his eyes at it.

“O-Okay!” she exclaimed, getting to her feet with a few squeaky noises. “Sensei will now bulk up before her next fight! I won’t lose! Not when my precious students are depending on me!”

It’d be easy to burst her bubble but this time, she’s not wrong. We have to get to the hospital on the third island. Not just for that guy’s sake, but for all our sakes. I have to scan not just myself, but potentially everyone else.

“I-I just, um, need a new weapon, maybe a new ribbon, and, um.” Monomi pats her belly a few times. “This diaper is a bit restrictive too, huh.”

“Then just take it off?” He raised an eyebrow. “It’s not like you need it. You don’t defecate, right?”

“S-Such a horrifying question to ask your teacher!” she exclaimed, jumping with an utterly mortified look. “It’s not just inappropriate, it’s so indecent! You should never suggest nor ask such things of a young woman!”

Young woman? What about her is young besides that childish appearance? She has an age? She considers herself matured?

So many questions. So little importance. Matsuda scowled.

“I’ve already dug around your intestines,” he pointed out. “I know there’s nothing there but fluff.”

“D-Don’t say that; it’s so embarrassing!” she cried. “For a teacher to be in such a position before her precious, precious students! I’m just so, so ashamed! I never want to think about it again!”

“So you’re just going to keep wearing a diaper. Even though that’s not exactly tasteful either.” He shook his head. “What is there even to be done about you? Urgh. Come on.” He clapped his hands a few times, and she tottered after him in confusion. “Let’s go to Rocketpunch.”

Monomi blinked up at him. Grimacing, he explained.

“You said you needed a new ribbon, right? We’ll look for sticks on the way there but there might very well be something else you can use.”

“M-Matsuda-kun, oh.” She presses her paws together, awestruck. “Y-You really are such a kind, kind child!”

“Hurry the fuck up or I’m throwing you ahead.”

“R-Right!”

--

“Red or yellow? Is yellow maybe too flashy, Matsuda-kun?”

“Those are for pigtails.”

“Oh! I see! I’m not a pig, after all, I’m a rabbit! Ehehehe!” Monomi giggled even in the face of Matsuda’s stoic frown. “They have all kinds of ribbons. It’s difficult to choose.”

“Some of these have different names,” Matsuda said, pulling out a big red one. “This, for instance, is a V Ribbon.”

“Ooh! For victory!” Monomi exclaimed. “Yes, yes.”

“No, but whatever.” He held up the ribbon to Monomi’s ear. Making a face, he tied the bow and then leaned back to take in the sight. “A maybe, maybe?”

Not exactly feeling the most confident about this one. Best to find a couple of other options.

He dug around the ribbon section some more. His eyes light up as he pulled out another one, similarly bright red but so very fine.

“This one’s better,” he said, holding it out. “The Hime Ribbon. It’s an actual creation of the princess of the Magical Kingdom.”

“It looks like this one,” Monomi replied, patting her bow.

“It’s completely different!” Matsuda exclaimed, annoyed. “It’s come on, come on, go, go, jump!”

“Come on, come on, go, go jump?” Monomi repeated. She mulls it over before pumping her paw. “Ike, ike!”

“No, no!” Huffing, Matsuda rubbed his temples. “It's a classic! A fucking classic! Like, Akko-chan and Mami? No, not that Mami!”

“H-How cruel,” she sobbed, holding down her ears. “But, you know.” A pause before she beams. “It does give me a nostalgic feeling, Matsuda-kun.”

“Because it’s a classic,” Matsuda muttered, puffing his cheeks. “But, considering what this ribbon does, it’s a bad fit for you.”

“Eh? What does it do?”

“It’s...freaky.” Making a face, Matsuda set the ribbon lovingly aside. “Maybe we should look for something a little more straight-forward.”

“Hm, hm,” Monomi hums. “You know, transformation is a very important part of being a magical girl but it’s not always a good thing.” She tugs at her diaper, sullen. “This kind of transformation for instance.”

Transformation. Yeah, obviously. Normal people can only do so much even with the amount of capability they have. But, there’s more to it.

“It’s not about getting stronger, it’s also about building confidence in yourself,” Matsuda snapped, irritated now. “You may not have the range you did before but the fact that you’re so whiny and weepy about it is beyond infuriating. Was your character always that fickle? Your simpering, desperate optimism only a forced front?”

Monomi stilled and blinked up at him.

“Pathetic,” he sniffed. “Even if you didn’t mean for things to go so wrong, you’re making it worse with how flighty and pitiful you are.” He quiets for a moment, and weirdly, he feels sick. He covers his mouth with a groan. “Gross.”

“Matsuda-kun,” Monomi says, softly and meaningfully. “So harsh.”

It is a bit harsh, isn’t it? He thought almost in mirthless amusement. If she had just been trying to help, that’d be one thing, but she’s responsible for our lost memories. She’s part of the reason why we’re trapped in the first place. That’s why I can’t help but get so pissed about it.

That said, he should know better than to tell off a program of all things. He wished he could just spit in the face of whoever human in charge. But that person is, allegedly, someplace he can’t reach while trapped.

It’s useless. It’s all useless. Except. I really do have to get to the hospital.

“I’m sorry. You’re right. An adult complaining so much only burdens the children.”

Matsuda stilled for a moment, perking up.

“I’ll do better!” Monomi chirped. “I’ll get stronger! For my precious, precious students!”

She’s a program, but maybe she does have a semblance of maturity. He thinks that, but even so, his expression darkens. Still a program that acts as a proxy. Still incapable of explanations and justifications. Still the means we found ourselves trapped with our heads tampered. How trustworthy can someone so fundamentally detached and closed off really be? Even if it’s someone with this kind of personality?

Still, there was one matter that was clear while the rest were vague.

Even if we’re at odds, we have the same enemy. Komaeda said that about the traitor, too.

While he’s still undeniably pissed and suspicious, he does need all the help he can get. Especially from someone with the capabilities of taking down the Monobeasts, of opening the paths to the closed-off islands where more could be gleamed and where more could be done. With that, he looks through the ribbons once more, pulling out various options before he found one that had him pause.

A pretty yellow ribbon adorned with a blue star. Still quiet, Matsuda knelt down and tugged the red ribbon off Monomi to replace it. He fixed the yellow ribbon and the star shone brightly at him. Pulling back, he took in the beaming Monomi and nodded.

“Yeah, that’ll work. Let’s go with this one.”

Monomi twirled around with flourish.

“Magical Miracle Girl ☆ Monomi! At your service!” A pause. Monomi yelped. “N-No, Usami! I mean Usami! I’m not Monomi, I don’t even know a Monomi!”

“Right,” Matsuda said, nodding along. “There should be a baton around here that we can use as a weapon. Hopefully one that suits your new look.”

“Y-Yes!” she exclaimed, watery-eyed. “Yes, yes!”

When he found one and handed it over, Monomi waved it around and declared,

“I absolutely won’t lose! I’ll fight for the sake of my students! With the power of wuv and hope!”

Matsuda said nothing to that, even as his lips twisted in the slightest way.

Later, when Monomi faced against that snake beast again, not only was she knocked away again in spite of her best efforts, but...

That thing knocked her away with the force of a truck, causing the now broken baton to clatter at Matsuda’s feet.

“Welp,” was all he had to say.

#yasuke matsuda #matsuda yasuke #Monomi #sdr2 #dr0 #Magi fics #Protag Matsun #should I tag this like #Matsunomi #or what #I mean it's platonic but whatever #I think Mermaid Melody is pretty alright actually #And I'm not just saying that because the songs are super catchy #Although they are #super catchy #My magical girl expertise is really lacking and it lowkey highkey depresses me

[chuffyfan87]

Hiding. Part 75d (NSFW)

“Your mum was going to have a termination. She had it booked."

"What?!" Peter gasped. That was the last thing he expected his dad to say!

“Your mum was scared. Still is scared.” Charlie smiled sadly, “I’m scared. The consultants are thinking of booking in a c-section so your mum won’t go into natural labour.”

"Has she agreed to the idea?"

“I think she’s accepted it’s safer.”

"Good!"

“What’s worrying you the most?”

"That she's gunna do something dumb and end up making things worse."

“Define dumb?” Charlie couldn’t help but laugh.

"I could list all the dumb things she could do and I bet she'd find something I didn't think of and do that..!"

“Probably.” Charlie smiled. “I have a positive feeling this time round.”

"So you have lost your mind then?" Peter snorted derisively.

“Yeah maybe I have.”

"We're all fucked then." Peter sighed.

“It might be different this time.” Charlie kissed the top of Peter's head and squeezed his shoulder.

"I really hope you're right." Peter sighed.

“So do I son.”

"I've got homework to do..." Peter commented pointedly.

“Ok.” Charlie smiled and kissed his forehead. “You can talk to me? About anything, OK?"

"Yeh, alright." Peter replied, rolling his eyes.

“Any time as well.” Charlie stood up.

"Yeh." Peter replied over his shoulder, already pulling stuff from his bag.

Charlie left Peter to it, closing the door behind him. He lent his head back against his door and sighed softly.

"Daddy! Jake and Louis farted in our room!" Lottie yelled.

Charlie couldn’t help but laugh out loud. “Does it smell?”

"It smells like that time Tilly pooped her pants in the car!"

"Oi!" Tilly yelled.

“Lottie, be nice about your sister.” He shook his head and followed the noise coming from the girls' room.

The boys were sat on the floor of their sisters' bedroom laughing their heads off whilst the girls were squealing and holding their noses.

“Boys, it stinks in here.”

The boys continued to laugh.

“Is this what your rooms smell like?”

"Boys are so gross!" Emily sighed.

"Girls are grosser!" Jake laughed.

Charlie shook his head fondly, “You lot are gross. Boys and girls alike.”

"Food's here!" Duffy called up the stairs, interrupting the argument that was about to break out over who was the most gross.

All thought of having an argument disappeared as they all clambered downstairs for food. As it had been a busy day they'd decided to have a takeout for tea. There was a lot of chatter as they sat in their new dining room, eating their food.

"Why is there two cots in Oli's room?" Lottie asked.

“One for Oli, and one for the baby.” Charlie explained to Lottie.

"How is the baby gunna sleep in there when it's still in mummy's tummy?"

“When the baby comes out of mummy’s tummy.”

"Is that gunna be tonight?" Tilly asked.

"I bloody hope not!" Peter muttered.

“No, it’s not going to be for a while.” Charlie smiled, “But we need to make sure the baby has somewhere to sleep.”

"Urgh, I want the baby to be here now so mummy take us pony riding!" Tilly whined.

“The baby’s not ready yet, Tilly."

"But why not?" Tilly sulked.

"Tilly I will take you pony riding as soon as I can but it'll be nicer weather if you wait." Duffy tried to explained.

“I agree with your mum. The weather will be nice. You don’t want to go pony riding in the rain, do you?”

"But mummy promised!"

"I know I did but I didn't say exactly when we would do it." Duffy sighed.

"The baby might like pony riding too if we went this weekend." Lottie shrugged.

“Girls. Your mum is not going pony riding. End of discussion.”

"Urgh! Babies ruin everything!" Tilly huffed.

"Get used to it Tilly." Peter remarked darkly.

Charlie shot Peter a look, not liking the dark tone in Peter’s voice.

Peter glared back at his dad.

"Why Peter?" Tilly asked.

“Yeah why Peter?” Lottie asked.

"Its alright for you. At least mum always wanted you! Unlike some of us!" Peter blurted out as he rose from the table, threw down his fork and stormed out the room.

"Peter?!" Duffy gasped, utterly confused.

Charlie went after Peter. “What the hell was that all about?” He asked in the hallway, closing the kitchen door.

"I bet that baby wasn't the first one she wanted to abort was it?" Peter yelled as he stormed up the stairs.

“Keep your voice down!” Charlie said as he followed him. “Are you upset because of what I told you earlier?”

"Scared the others might find out the truth?" Peter spat back.

“No.” Charlie sighed. “You wanted me to be honest, didn’t you?” He shook his head. “Do you really think your mum didn’t want any of the babies she’s had?”

"Honestly? Tell me the truth - did she want to abort me?"

“Would it make you think any less of your mother if she had?”

"That's a yes then. Good to know where I stand."

“She thought about it, yes, because she was terrified! But she didn’t, because she had a connection with you and loves you.”

"Or coz she's a coward just like you are!"

“Your mum is not a coward!” Charlie replied.

"Urgh, whatever!" Peter huffed before slamming his bedroom door behind him.

"What the hell was that all about?!" Duffy demanded as she entered the hallway, closing the dining room door behind her.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m dealing with it.” Charlie kissed her cheek before heading upstairs to Peter.

"Charlie!" She called out as she followed him up the stairs.

"What the hell was he talking about? How does he know that I had doubts?"

“I told him.” He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.

"You did what?!" She yelled.

“Yes I know! In hindsight, I shouldn’t have. Now let me try and make it right?” He replied back.

"He'll be thinking all sorts! You've made enough of a mess. Go downstairs!"

“It’s my mess, Duffy!”

"And as always it's up to me to clean it up!"

“I said I’ll sort it! Now go back downstairs, please!”

"No! I will deal with it!" She knew that yelling probably wasn't the best idea but she wasn't sure she'd ever been this angry before.

“Fine!” He replied back and slouched off downstairs. He sat on the bottom step and put his head in his hands. This was such a bloody mess!

Duffy didn't bother to knock before walking into Peter's room.

“Go away.” Peter said, staring at the ceiling.

"No." She replied, leaning against the wall. Getting no reply from the teenager, Duffy sighed and pulled out the chair from under Peter's desk to sit down on.

There was continued silence. Peter could be stubborn when he wanted to be.

Duffy really wasn't in the mood for a fight. Why tonight? She was utterly exhausted and aching all over but she couldn't just leave Peter in this state. Charlie would probably only make things worse if he tried to 'fix it'...

“How many of us didn’t you want?” Peter asked.

"It was never a case of not wanting..."

“Then what was it?”

"I was scared." She whispered.

“Scared? Of what?” Peter frowned.

"Of being a crap mum. Of ending up in a coma again. Or worse. You name it, I worried about it."

He didn’t say anything, what could he say to that?

"Its not just kids that get scared Peter." She sighed.

“I know.”

"Your dad shouldn't have told you those things."

“I think he was trying to help. In a way.” He shrugged, “I dunno.”

"Sounds like something he'd do." She rolled her eyes.

“Dad said you were scared when you found out you were pregnant. And you’re still scared?”

She nodded. "I don't think I'll stop being scared til this baby is safely in my arms and I'm being allowed to leave the hospital."

“Are you scared of dying?”

"Yes. The fact I see it day in, day out at work doesn't make me immune to being scared."

He nodded, “I’m scared too mum.”

"Of course you are. It's perfectly natural to feel that way. I know what it's like to grow up with only one parent."

“I don’t want to grow up with just dad.” Peter mumbled.

"I'm doing everything I can to make sure that doesn't happen."

He nodded and closed his eyes. “I...” He sighed, “I’m not sleeping.” He admitted.

"How long for?"

“Week or so. Not properly sleeping anyway.”

"Oh Peter! Why didn't you say?"

He shrugged, “Thought I’d be ok but it just won’t stop.”

"Things don't when you try to pretend they're not happening."

He nodded slowly, picking at the scab on his arm.

"Peter... You know you can talk to me about anything right?"

He nodded again. He swallowed.

"Is there anything you want to talk to me about?"

He nodded quickly but didn’t verbally speak up.

She slowly pushed herself up from the chair and moved to sit on the edge of his bed.

“Keep remembering things.” He muttered.

"From when Oli was born?"

#chuffy #charlie and duffy #charlie fairhead #lisa duffin

[secndlife]

sun&moon | 1.

pairing: jackson x reader x jinyoung

genre: soulmate!au, college!au, fluff, angst, eventual smut? everything basically

summary:  she has always trusted fate. she was destined to someone and she was determined to find it. she found herself wrapped in hands that feel warm like the sun, but that belonged to someone else. she keeps on looking, only to find out that her fate had been watching over her, just like the moon.

word count: 3.3k

playlist

masterlist

It was midterm season and t was cold. Not ‘I’ll freeze to death’cold, but ‘holy shit it’s really cold’ cold - and that made you lazy and grumpy whenever you weren’t in bed. All you wanted was to get out of this lesson, grab a caramel macchiato and hit home. You felt so tired, all your lessons were draining you. You loved you major, you did. Public relations was something you’ve always wanted to do but now, being so close to graduating, things were chaotic. You had to work on your final thesis and still pass all these classes. All you wanted was to graduate and finally be hired full time at your internship - you were working at a small music company as their public relations assistant.

As your professor started to gather his belongings, he said, “Well everyone, don’t forget to read the chapter assigned on the syllabus for this week’s lesson and write down the essay about how social media can change the perspectives on PR. Thank you and see you next week for our midterm.”

“Oh my God! Is the midterm next week? Fuck! I totally forgot that!” your friend Jisoo started freaking out while you two left the classroom.

“Yes baby,” you laughed, “I can send you the summary I made for this subject and we can study together next week, I don’t mind.”

“Oh really? Urgh, I love you, you’re the best,” she said with a smile and giving you a side hug. Jisoo was one of your best friends ever since you started university. You two hit off instantly after meeting at orientation week and next thing you know you’re renting an apartment together at one of the campus’ buildings.

“Yeah, I know. Do you have another class or you’re ready to go home?” You hoped she was ready to go home so you two could have a movie night with a lot of food.

“I can’t. I’m supposed to meet up with Mark for this other project we have.”

“Oh, does this project have anything to do with making out until your lips fall off?” you said while you bumped her shoulder. Mark and Jisoo sort of had a thing. No one really knew how to label what they had, but it was definitely something and it was clear for everybody.

“Please, that’s your deal with Jackson. Anyways, we’re just meeting at the cafeteria, it’s really about a class project.”

“Hm sure, miss.” You gave her a side eye. “And about Jackson, we haven’t hooked up in a while. We’re nothing, especially compared to you and Mark. We just have fun when we’re drunk or bored, honestly.”

“Yeah sure, baby. If that’s what you tell yourself before you sleep with him… Anyways, I have to go. Mark’s texted me already. Don’t wait up ok?” she said, winking at you while she left off to meet Mark. Jisoo could deny as much as she wanted, but she would never be able to fool you - and she was falling fast for him.

You waved her goodbye and started making your way towards your place. You took off your earphones and put on a song just to distract you from the cold weather. Even tho you weren’t a fan of being outside in the cold, you could use a walk. It was calming around campus, especially since it was already past 6pm and most people were off class. You walked slowly, looking up at the sky and at all the people around you. You spotted a couple, maybe around your age and wondered if they had their tattoos already.

It was common knowledge: on the morning of your 23rd birthday, you’ll get a tattoo on your wrist, your soulmate’s initial. They’ll have your first letter tattooed on their opposite wrist; there are a few rare cases where the tattoo is on the same wrist, but those are truly uncommon. You never even heard of one. And if you still haven’t found your soulmate within a year, you’ll get the first letter of their surname next to it.

In your group of friends, Mark and Jaebum were the ones who had a tattoo already. Mark had a “J” on his left wrist. He had a thing already with Jisoo even before it happened so they just kept on going. Jisoo’s tattoo was a few months away, but she seemed pretty sure she’d get an “M” on her right wrist, even tho they weren’t “official”. Jaebum, on the other hand, had a “W” on his right wrist, but he hasn’t found anyone to match. That didn’t stop him from kissing a bunch of girls at frat parties just to get over his ex though. She turned 23 before he did and when her tattoo wasn’t his initial, she broke up with him. He understood, he knew it could happen, but that doesn’t mean it was easy to get over her.

The next one to get a tattoo would be Jackson, his birthday only a week away. You two had a unique relationship - ever since you met at a party in freshman year you have got along really well; having similar personalities made it 10 times easier. You’re both social butterflies, funny, touchy and dramatic - you were just a tone lower than Jackson. That caused you to be close to one another and to flirt constantly. Jackson had always some smart comment about you and you never backed off. After a few months of shameless flirting and sexual tension, you two started hooking up in your second year at university. It happened first at a frat party when you two were drunk and horny. It was no big deal - honestly, everything with Jackson was carefree. The sex was great, intense, and there were no strings attached. You two had no reason to call it off or to start anything serious so you just left it at that, hooking up whenever you felt like it and it never affected your friendship. He hooked up with other girls sometimes, but you honestly didn’t care. You knew you were free to do the same, you just wasn’t a big fan of one night stands.

Most of your friends knew and it wasn’t a big deal for them either. After it first happened, you got home and talked to Jisoo about it. 

“Well, he’s hot and nice and you two get along really well. I honestly don’t see why not. You’re young, pretty and single. You should be having fun, you know?”

“I mean, yeah, I know. I’m just a bit… unsure? I don’t know, Jackson’s really intense and I don’t wanna feel it too much?” you didn’t wanna fall for him, not at all.

“Then don’t. Look, don’t make a big deal out of this. You two just hooked up. Make this as fun and not serious as it can be so it would be beneficial for both of you. I’m pretty sure Jackson’s not looking for a relationship right now either so.” You thought about it and Jisoo was right, you had nothing to lose - besides, it would be nice to have good sex with a good guy whenever you felt like it.

A few days later you told Jinyoung about it. He was your best friend since God knows when. You two grew up together and your moms were friends so that lead to you being friends as well. You were having coffee together when you said with a tone as normal as it could be, “I’ve slept with Jackson.”

He was taking a sip of his drink and he pretty much choked on it: “You what?”

“Yeah, I mean, you could see it coming right?” You stared at him waiting for him to say something while he looked a bit uncomfortable.

“I guess. How was it? Are you two a thing now?” he asked, not really wanting to know the answer and looking everywhere but at you.

“No, he’s all about being a free spirit right now and I don’t want a boyfriend. So I guess we’re just gonna have random sex,” you laughed.

Jinyoung gave you a smile, shaking his head, “Lucky you then.”

After a few minutes of walking, you finally reached home. You were welcomed by your cat, Winnie. You and Jisoo adopted her as soon as you moved in, both being cat lovers. She was a Tonkinese with light brown fur, darker face and ears and the bluest eyes you’ve ever seen. She curled up at your leg while you walked in: “Hey girl”, you said, patting her head. She purred, appreciating the soft touch. You left your shoes and the entry and finally made your way towards your bedroom while Winnie followed you.

You dropped your things at your writing desk and then went to your bathroom. You couldn’t wait to take a nice relaxing bath and since Jisoo was busy with Mark, you’d take that time alone for some self-care. It was Friday and you weren’t in a party mood, so you decided to open a bottle of wine and just drink it by the tub. You turned on the water, feeling it with your hand to make sure it was just the right temperature. After drying your hands, you went to the kitchen to get the bottle of wine that was just waiting for you. You got the glass and after opening the bottle you went back to the bathroom; by then the tub was almost half full and you wanted nothing more than to spend the next hour in there, drinking your wine and relaxing among the bubbles. You plugged your phone on the speaker and put on one of your favorite songs. You got one of your bath bombs out of the cabinet and proceeded to undress. When the tub was full, you got your hair up in a bun and dropped the bath bomb in the water. Immediately, the jasmine smell started to spread all over your bathroom and that made you feel calmer. The water was filled with bubbles that had all shades of pink, which was just what you needed. You got your glass of wine on the tub border and went inside. The water felt so good, you could feel it’s warmth spreading all over your body and starting to relax you.

With soft music playing on the background, you started to let your mind wander. You started to think about this soulmate thing. Your 23rd birthday was a few months away and you’d finally get your tattoo. You were not sure what that’d mean for you. You were an intense and curious person and the possibility of not finding your soulmate killed you. You wanted that, you wanted that bond and you wanted to live what you were destined to live. You were scared of ending up alone, with two letters on your wrist that you’d never find out who they belonged to. The possibility of falling in love with someone who’s not your soulmate is equally terrifying. That’s why you didn’t have any serious relationships in the past - you didn’t want to fall for someone who could not be your person. Sure, people ended up with their non-soulmates all the time, but that’s not what you want for yourself. When you fall in love, you want to do it with the right person. But how could you be sure? In theory, you couldn’t. You could find someone who’s theoretically your match, but maybe he’s not. Those who were able to find their matches, they say you just know - you feel it. But there was no way to prove it, you couldn’t be sure of it in any means other than your feelings and your heart.

After three glasses of wine, a bunch of songs and wrinkled hands, you decided it was time to get out of the tub. The wine got you a bit tipsy so you were just gonna heat up some leftover pizza and hit the bed while some movie was playing on the TV. You got your towel wrapped around your body and made your way back to your bedroom. You felt way more relaxed now. You dried off your body and got into one of your oversized t-shirts that you usually wore to sleep. Winnie was lying comfortably in your bed so you petted her tail, “I’ll be back in a second, I’ll just grab some food and I’ll come to cuddle you”. She purred in agreement and you went to the kitchen so you could finally eat something. You took the pizza out of the fridge and put it on the microwave. Once it was done, you got your plate and got back to the bedroom. You poured yourself another glass of wine and started looking for something to watch on Netflix. You settled for one of your favorite movies, “Love, Rosie”. You’ve watched it countless times and could never get tired of it. It always made you cry because you loved this idea that if two people are supposed to be together, they’ll be together in the end, no matter what. That’s what you hoped happened to you too, you hoped you’d end up with your soulmate after all.

By the time the movie ended and the second romcom you decided to watch, alongside with the bottle of wine, it was almost 11pm and you decided to go to bed. First, you went to check on your phone, who was long lost since you’ve got home. You picked it up and was greeted by some texts from Jackson:

[10:30pm] Jackson: what are you doing on this friday night beautiful

[10:31pm] Jackson: I wanna cuddle

[10:32pm] Jackson: can I come over? I swear I won’t try anything besides kissing you and cuddling

[10:45pm] Jackson: answer meeeee

You laughed at his texts - Jackson could be needy sometimes. You thought about his request - well, you had nothing to lose and you could use some strong arms cuddling you to sleep so you texted him back.

[10:50pm] you: wow friday night and you’re texting me about cuddling? why aren’t you at a party?

It didn’t even take him 2 minutes to reply.

[10:51pm] Jackson: don’t think i didn’t try! but there’s not even a single party on this campus today

[10:51pm] Jackson: besides, I’m too tired to party today and I wanna cuddle

[10:52pm] Jackson: so, can I come over or what?

[10:53pm] you: hm I guess. I could use some ok cuddles for the night.

You knew he’d whine at you calling his cuddles ok. That was a part of your relationship, this bickering, it added fuel to the dynamic.

[10:53pm] Jackson: ok??? ok??? my cuddles are fucking great.

[10:54pm] Jackson: anyways be there in five

[10:54pm] you: hurry up i’ve had a whole bottle of wine and I’m sleepy

In less than 10 minutes Jackson was ringing the doorbell, his dorm being really close to yours. You got out of bed and made your way to the entrance, Winnie following you. You opened the door and were greeted by a smiley Jackson. He was wearing sweatshirts and black adidas pants. He looked really hot in simple clothes like that.

“Hi,” he said, making his way towards you and giving you a kiss on the cheek.

“Hi,” you replied while giving him some room so he could come inside. “Can’t believe you couldn’t find a place to be tonight.”

“I did, here.” He closed the door behind him and all of the sudden Winnie showed up at his feet. “Hey pretty lady,” he said patting her head. “I swear this cat likes me more than she likes everyone else. She cuddles me whenever I come around.”

You rolled your eyes at him, “She does that to everyone Jackson, don’t be so full of yourself.” You started walking towards your bedroom and you heard his footsteps chasing after you. Suddenly, you felt strong arms being wrapped around your waist.

“Bullshit, she never does that to Jaebum,” Jackson said while he rested his head on your shoulder.

“That’s because Jaebum smells like his cats and Winnie doesn’t like that. She’s jealous,” you said, laughing.

Once you’ve reached your bedroom, you got out of Jackson’s grip and plopped onto the bed. The man was still standing at the doorway, staring at you with a pout while he took off his red hoodie, revealing a simple black shirt underneath. “What’s with the face, Jacks?”

“I know she likes me better, don’t lie to me.” He could be such a drama king sometimes and it was really amusing to watch and bicker back. Tonight though, after a bottle of wine and an exhausting day, you just wanted to sleep. 

“Jacks, please, I’m really sleepy. Just get in here.”

“Well, since you’re begging.” You smiled lightly when he laid by your side. You were facing each other and you felt his hand coming to rest on your hips, “I’ve kinda missed you.”

“Missed me or my body?” you said, teasing him.

“Stop, you know it’s not like that,” Jackson had a cute pout on his face.

You gave him a light peck on the lips, “I know, it’s just funny to see your face when I say stuff like that.”

You stroked his hair and he closed his eyes. “You look really good with dark-brown hair, you should stick to it.”

“I look good with every hair color, baby. But thanks,” he hummed softly, feeling your hands over his locks. You laughed. Jackson was such a confident person, so sure of himself. You admired that. And he also made you feel more confident yourself since he was always dropping praises your way.

You felt his hands slowly rising your t-shirt up so he could stroke your thighs with the tip of his fingers, “You know, my birthday is next Friday. It will be my 23rd.”

“Hm, I’m aware.” You closed your eyes, feeling his soft warm touch against your skin. You could also feel his face closer to your, his breath smelt like mint and it made you wanna taste it.

“You know,” you felt his hand making its way from your thighs to your cheek. “I’m gonna get my tattoo in a week,” his lips brushing against yours lightly. “And I wouldn’t mind at all if it was your initial.”

Next thing you know, his lips are fully on yours. They taste just like they smell, minty. Nevertheless, they feel warm. Everything about Jackson was warm. His touch, his kisses, his heart. He was so intense it felt like fire, and sometimes you were scared you’d get burned. You felt his tongue at your bottom lip and then it was against yours. The kiss was passionate, just like him. His hand then moved to the back of your neck as he pressed you further against him. You hummed in response, your hands against his chest, grabbing at his shirt.

His lips then moved towards your neck. On his way down, he kissed your jawline and your jugular, making you whimper.

“You said you wouldn’t try anything tonight,” you said while you felt his tongue against that soft spot he knew all too well at your neck.

“Say the word and I’ll stop. Besides, I’m still just kissing you,” he said and then bit at your neck softly, earning a low moan.

“Jacks…” You were literally exhausted and all you wanted was for him to hold you while you fell asleep. You grabbed his face gently and moved it towards yours, giving him a final kiss.

He smiled, “Fine, c’mere then.” He pulled you closer, making you rest your head on his chest. It felt warm and safe there and you started drifting away, sleepiness washing over you. “I mean it you know.”

You looked at him, half-lidded eyes, “Huh?”

“I wouldn’t mind if your initial showed up at my wrist next week.” He had such a genuine smile across his handsome face and it kinda made your heart melt.

You smiled back at him, eyes closed and ready to fall asleep, “Neither would I.”

a/n: ok so… my first experience in writing? I don’t even know how this “ok i’m gonna write” thing started tbh. I know I have a huge tendency in not finishing things up, but I have so much planned for this series, so please, bear with me. I’ll try my best within my limits ok? I wanna thank three girls who helped me a lot;  @yoongitalks, one of my inspirations, my friend and also my beta. thank you for putting up with me and for accepting my insane request of joining me on this mess. i love you to the moon and back.  @jugyoem, my baby, the amazing artist who did the cover for this fic. thank you for supporting me through everything. I love you a lot! lastly, my music expert, @yyugyx, who helped me with the playlist. can’t thank you enough for always saving me with your music knowledge. love you! anyways, feedback is always appreciated and my askbox is always open. 

#g7network #got7 scenarios #got7 imagines #got7 #jinyoung #jinyoung fic #got7 fic #jinyoung x reader #jackson #jackson imagine #jackson fic #jackson x reader #jinyoung imagine #jinyoung scenario #sun&moon

[golddaggers]

if you say so

pairings: mitch rapp x reader

warnings: cursing, mentions of sex.

a/n: writing this made me cry so much, but I don’t want to spoil anything. just see for yourselves.

word count: 5,3k+

December, 2017

It was another terrible winter night, the one that celebrated a month since the love of my life walked out on me. Yes, a bit amusing if you consider the fact I hated this season and everything that comes along with it.  

Ever since I was a little girl, I was never a fan of winter. Never wanted to go outside to play in the snow with my other friends, never enjoyed jumping into puddles of water and the rainy nights were my personal nightmare. I hated thunders with my whole soul. They were undeniably scary, plus the lightnings? Urgh, only to be thinking about it makes my body cringe. It was really awful.

But, my entire concept of hate changed when I met him, when I met Mitch Rapp. Honestly, I do not wish to sound cheesy, that is definitely not my goal, yet, I can tell you, without thinking twice that the handsome brown haired man I once called husband was my soulmate. He understood me in ways no one managed to do. Broke down my walls with a sledgehammer. I didn’t even saw him coming, still, when I clasped the grip of my life, I was already utterly in love with him. Mitch was… addictive.

I gripped a mug filled with tea, heading outside and opting to watch as the rain slapped the buildings, water gushing everywhere. It was a plainly normal scene, I agree, however, it felt like I had gotten a ticket to a ride down memory lane. I began missing his arms around my waist, his chin supported on my shoulder and how he would sometimes kiss my neck, his beard my skin itch. I missed his hoarse laugh. The way his eyes would go to a soft tone of liquid honey when he was about to tell me he loved me.

A warm tear rolled down my cheek and then I realised it was time to bring back the old picture hidden under the cushioned seat from the balcony. The photo was old, the edges already fading; Mitch had his lips pressed onto my face in a clumsy kiss, I was smiling and we were sort of hugging. That day was fucking amazing and I wish I could go back to that state of happiness.

Nevertheless, I couldn’t.

Summer, 2014

“You look really good on that, baby girl.” Mitch said with a cocky smirk, wounding his arms around my waist and nibbling at my bare neck, his beard grazing my skin, sending chills to my entire form.

“I’m only wearing my bikini bottoms, you can’t say that I ‘look good on that’ when I’m half naked.” I replied, laughing. “But thank you, Mr. Rapp.”

“You’re welcome, Miss Y/L/N.” The brown haired man kissed my cheek playfully then went to lie on the huge bed situated on the middle of the room. “You should hurry, though, because we should already be enjoying a beautiful day by the pool.”

“Yeah, I’m almost done, honey.”

The hotel Mitch and I had found in Jeffersonville, Vermont, wasn’t exactly fancy, but, considering we just wanted to be together and take pleasure in the little time we had before he was forced to go back to work, anything with the standard comfort fulfilled our needs. Plus, the place wasn’t so bad; it was a little cabin, everything beautifully carved and made out of wood. Simply perfect.

A goofy grin slipped whilst I observed the handsome man glancing at me; although we had been together for almost two years now, not one day went by without him making sure I knew how much he loved me. Which was why we faced hours and hours on the road so we could spend our anniversary in this romantic getaway. I guess he was feeling a tad guilty about how much he had worked lately, still, I didn’t blame him; I knew he was happy being the hero. Thus I was happy as well.

Finally, after getting fully clothed and applying the last layer of sunblock on my face, we went out, heading to the hotel’s pool section. Mitch, as usual, hooked his rough fingers with mine, the thumb massaging carelessly the back of my hand. It was such a small gesture, yet I could already feel a tingling sensation spreading across my body, causing me to smile.  

Because it was way too early, the place was nearly empty when we got there, five minutes later; I mean, no one would be insane enough to get up at 7 A.M. so they could hit the swimming pool. But I guess it’s what happens when you date a trained agent: sleeping in late is a very rare occasion. Mitch never slept past six and half in the morning, I had lost count of how many times I woke up to an empty bed and him outside our small home working out, punching sandbags or something. Not that I was bothered by it, that being the first thing I saw in the day always brightened up my mood.

Taking a good deep breath, my eyes closed, I couldn’t help but think my life was exactly where I wanted it to be. After years working under the supervision of a boss I didn’t like one bit, I had finally managed to save enough money to open my vet clinic, in a successfully partnership with my best friend; had moved into a nice home, which allowed me to adopt my adorable Annie; had a healthy relationship with my family and, at last but not least, I had found the man of my dreams. The more I give this emphasis, I am more sure Mitch Rapp is the man I want to spend the rest of my days with. He is everything I had ever dreamt about or wanted in a partner.

It was fun to look back to the night we met, because, even then, I knew he wasn’t any ordinary person. Robert Mills, which was a friend of mine from school, had invited me to a small gathering; at first, I wasn’t going to go. The weather was horrible, my flatmate Cristina was sick with the flu… Everything seemed to be working so I couldn’t go to the stupid party. However, as if fate wanted Mitch and I to meet, Cris talked me into it, saying it would be good for me to unwind a bit after the rough week I had had at work. Therefore, I got on my favourite black dress, heels, light make-up and drove to Robert’s place. Once there I realised the evening wasn’t going to be much fun; to be honest, I knew Robbie wasn’t much of a wild guy. Nevertheless, just when I was about to leave, I spotted him leaning against a tall column, smoking a cigarette. I couldn’t quite place what gave me the courage, but I walked up to that handsome man. We talked all night long, both sat at a bench on the park in front of the house. That night was purely magical.

“Sweetheart!” Mitch’s hoarse voice called, splashing water on me playfully. “Come join me, please!”

“Mitch!” Exclaiming, I started drying myself with the white towel I had brought for him. “I don’t want to get wet.”

“Just for a little bit. I want to talk to you about something.”

“Why don’t you come here?”

“No, it has to be here. Please, baby girl, it won’t take long. Just five minutes, okay?”

“Five minutes!” Shrugging, I agreed, making my way into the cold water. “Jesus, this is cold!”

“I’ll warm you up.” He said, his strong arms wounding themselves around my waist. “You’re so beautiful, you know that?”

In delight, I just let my head fall to rest on his shoulder, my eyes sealed shut. Being within his embrace was an indescribable feeling, if there’s a place where I could die in peace, it was under his silky touch. My boyfriend dragged his beautiful upturned nose up my neck, his teeth nibbling at the sensitive skin of my earlobe, causing me to hum in pleasure. His thumbs, then, began a soft massage at each side of my body. I had no idea what he wanted out of this, but I was enjoying it a lot.

“Mitch…” I whispered, reaching back to cup his cheek. “You can’t do that to me in public. I can’t resist it.”

“Babe, don’t use that sexy voice on me. It’s not right.” The brown haired man muttered, his mouth now latched on the crook of my neck. “Plus, I called you here because I wanted to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“First I want you to know that you are the love of my life. I have loved a few women back then, but when it comes to you, all those loves from before seems as if they were merely passions. Because when I look at you, my heart warms up, my legs tremble and I am struck with the realisation that I rather be shot on the stomach or be beaten up til I’m dead than to lose you.”

“Oh baby.” A single tear fell from my right eye, a lump forming on my throat. I swivelled myself to stare at him, noticing he was just as emotional as I was. “I love you so much.”

“Sh, babe, let me finish.” He smiled, wiping away the string of teardrops streaming down my cheeks. “What I am trying to say is that, whenever I have to be away from you, I feel this awful sensation in my gut, like something is missing. I miss the way your hair scatters on my pillow and how you steal the sheets all to yourself, leaving my feet cold in the dead of night. I miss your arms wrapped around my waist. You fixing my ties. You stealing kisses. I miss you. And I don’t want to miss you any more. I want to spend the rest of my life with you, Y/N.”

“Yes.”

“Oh, no, let me ask first.” We both laughed, our cries mingling with the happiness. “Will you-”

“Yes, yes, yes.”

“Y/N!” Mitch squeezed my hand, tilting his head. “Will you marry me?”

“Fuck yes, baby, I’ll be your wife. Your partner. Everything that you want.”

Wearing the cutest smile in the whole wild world, he slided down my finger a beautiful ring. I could sense my heart pounding against my ribcage as I admired him awe, my hands cupping his cheeks, feeling the soft stinging of his beard against my palms. He laced his arms around my small back, pulling us even closer so he could finally connect our lips into a very meaningful kiss. There wasn’t anything wild or hot, like our usual. It was just two souls in love making a deeper connection through a physical act.

“I love you.”

“Me too, darling, me too.”

October, 2017

A small pile of clothes, alongside with thrown shoes, made a slight disarray on our bedroom’s recently cleaned floor. Not that we cared, anyway, we were way too busy trying to get our breathings back to normal, feeling the cold touch of our sweat dripping down our backs while two tired, but blissful, smiles rested on our lips. Mitch and I had made quite a mess tonight.

I guess it was the long time we spent apart from each other that caused us to be so hungry. My beloved husband had been tasked with an undercover mission in Afghanistan, one that lasted over two months. Meaning that when he got back home, there wasn’t anything we wanted to do other than make sure we knew how much we had missed one another. The rest didn’t matter at all.

“Sweetheart?” He muttered quietly, after pulling me to lie my head on his chest, hands slowly stroking my back. “You haven’t talked much… Is everything okay?”

“Of course it is, Mitch, I’m just a bit numb. That’s all.”

The man laughed loudly, shaking his head while tightening his arms around me in a clumsy hug. I, on the other hand, solely smiled, too busy drawing imaginary figures on his pale arm. It was so damn good to be around him again… No words were actually needed. Just the warm sensation of his skin against mine, protecting me from the coldness of autumn. The worst time of the year was coming.

“I was thinking…”

“You thinking? That’s news! What have they done with you in there?” I joked, looking up at him and seeing the frown forming on his face.  

“Very funny, Y/N.” He replied, shifting us so we were lying facing each other. “It’s serious.”

“Fine, fine, I’m sorry. Tell me.”

“Okay, uh… So, we have been married for two years now.”

“Yes, we have.” Now I was smirking, I loved seeing him acting so nervous. It was so incredibly adorable. “What do you want to tell me, baby?”

His tepid hands reached for my cheeks, cupping them gently and directing me the beautiful honey eyed glance I loved so much. His eyes never seemed brighter to me, which caused a shy grin to pull up the corners of my mouth. Mitch smiled as well, his thumbs massaging my cheekbones. I closed my eyes for a minute, too overwhelmed by his blazing gaze.

“I don’t want you to be pressured about what I’m going to say. If you don’t want to, that’s okay with me. Whatever makes you happy, makes me happy too.”

“Please spill the tea. I’m curious.”

“Let’s have a baby. We have been together for five years, we’re married, have our own place, stable jobs… It’s the right timing to start our family, don’t you think?”

“Wow, Mitch, wait a minute.”

Sitting up straight on our california king sized bed, I carefully observed his features, the beam of hope fading away from his eyes. It wasn’t like I didn’t want to have a family with him. If there was anyone I would want to have a kid with, that someone was Mitch Rapp. Nevertheless, I couldn’t ignore the fact he worked for the government as a CIA agent. It was a dangerous job; Hell, I was constantly worrying whether he would return home whole from his missions. Also, my husband had many enemies. I don’t know if I could risk the life of a child.

“I know what you’re thinking.” The honey eyed man murmured. “I know that look.”

“Then you know I can’t do that.”

“But you want to, don’t you?”

“Yes, of course, I want everything with you.” I sighed, shaking my head, a couple of tears escaping. “But it’s risky, you and I both know it.”

“I’ll quit my job.” Mitch said, staring at me so vividly I knew he wasn’t just saying that out of the heat of the moment. “I can easily find another one. Or maybe work with you at the pet clinic. I honestly don’t mind.”

“Oh no, please don’t say that. I don’t want you to give up on your dream job. I love you way too much to allow that.”

“Listen to me.” He intertwined our digits again, giving a soft squeeze. “I know what it has done to us. Fuck, I hate when I’m too far from you. I don’t want it any more. So… At the end of the year, I am going to resign.”

“Baby…”

“No, I have set my mind on it. I can be on the training team, or preparing the new recruits. But no more missions. I’m done.”

“You promise to me that’s what you really want?”

“Cross my heart and hope to die.”

Then, in a swift movement, I straddled his lap, lacing my arms around his neck and quickly planting a kiss on his soft, pink lips. Without thinking twice, he returned the fond action, palms gripping the back of my tights, eliciting a gentle, delighted hum to fall from my mouth. I didn’t want to admit out loud, but I was happy Mitch had made that choice. I hated the fact we had to spend so much time away from each other. Now it was like I could breathe properly. I wouldn’t have to worry about my husband’s safety any more.

A few moments later, we broke the kiss, still gasping and heaving.

“I’ll ask again now.” He mumbled, hands rubbing my back at leisure. “Do you, Mrs. Rapp, want to make a baby with me?”

“You are so cheesy.��� I chuckled, hiding my face on the crook of his neck, intoxicating myself with his manly scent. “Yes, I do, Mr. Rapp. Let’s make a baby.”

“It will be my pleasure.” My husband answered and I could already feel his ‘excitement’ poking my inner thigh.

“I’m hoping it will be ours.”

“I’ll make sure it will.”

“Alright. I trust you.”

Chuckling, Mitch pushed me down onto the mattress so he could be lying above me, my legs wounded around his waist. His nose poked mine, teasing before sealing our lips in one hell of a good kiss. The night was surely going to be fun.

November, 14th, 2017

While pouring fresh tea inside a large mug, already wearing my thickest set of sweaters, I began wondering if I would ever get used to missing Mitch. He had left only a week ago, but each morning I woke up without him by my side caused a dull ache to spread on my chest. It didn’t matter how many times we had done it before, I was never fully completed unless he was with me. Some might say I was addicted to him, however, they didn’t know about our personal life. They didn’t know the extension of our love towards one another. And this was something I guess no one will ever truly understand.

Taking a deep breath, I decided it was best if I went upstairs to snuggle under my comfy sheets. I had woken up with a horrible belly twisting that made me stay all the day long at home, because I couldn’t stop throwing up; when I called Cris to let her know I wouldn’t go to work, she offered herself to drop off some healthy food at my place once the working day was done. Such a good friend! She even suggested to stay with me the night, but I couldn’t get her away from her kids or husband. Thus she left, about thirty minutes ago. To be honest, I was already better. I had taken two pills, ate a good warm soup… My stomach seemed to be completely okay now.

As soon as I stepped inside my room, my phone began ringing; upon realising it could only be Mitch, my heart skipped a beat and I ran to pick it up, not able to wait another moment. I needed to see his face.

“Hey babe.” He said, winking at me playfully. “How are you today?”

“I was a bit sick earlier, but I’m better now.” I answered honestly, placing the cup of tea on my nightstand. “Some food probably didn’t sit me right.”

“You have to eat properly, Y/N. Especially now that we’re trying to have a baby.”

“Yes, you’re right. I just wished you were here.”

“I’ll be home soon, baby girl. Just one more week, alright?”

“Uh-uh.” Sipping at my delicious drink, I gazed at him, watching him smile. God I loved that man with all my heart. “Are you okay?”

“Well, I would be if you were here with me, but since you’re not, I can only say I’m good. My heart misses you. And other things miss you too.”

“Ew, you pervert.”

Our call lasted about an hour, one that made me forget that I was ever feeling sick or sad. We laughed, told each other about our day, him having a lot more to say than I did, a couple of jokes, a few cheesy ‘I love you’s and when we finally came down to our senses, it was way too late for either of us to be up. Mitch yawned while I stretched, barely able to keep my eyes open.

“Alright, we should go sleep.”

“Yeah, I think we should, babe.” I agreed, nodding, blinking way too many times.

“I love you, girl.”

“I love you more.”

He glared at me seriously, pausing and taking a deep breath afore breaking down into a cheerful laugh. It was so contagious, I wasn’t able to hold back a chuckle; seeing him so happy made me feel great inside.  

“If you say so.”

“Bye, baby.”

Waving one last time to me, still smirking, Mitch ended the call. I threw my cellphone to his side of the bed, heaving in pleasure and finally feeling at ease for a change. Within seconds I felt myself drift off, his beautiful image still floating inside my mind.  

November, 16th, 2017

Today was marking exactly two days since I had last spoken to my husband and, as usual, I was starting to feel anxious. In the five years we had been together, whenever he was away working, there wasn’t a single day we didn’t find a way to let the other know we were fine. Either through messages or calling. So it was pretty weird that he hadn’t make any sort of contact, but I was trying to not let my bad thoughts get best of me. Mitch was probably stuck with something so he wasn’t able to reach me. Yes, that was the probably the explanation behind this.

With the positive thinking in my mind, I got up from bed, ate a delicious breakfast, put on some clothes and went to work. Busying myself was probably the best option I had now, despite feeling still a little bit sick, I wasn’t going to mope around home. My clinic needed me; once there, I totally forgot about the external world. Just me and the adorable animals. They always managed to get me a better mood.

During the whole day, I found the necessary strength to not check my phone repeatedly; it wouldn’t do any good to martyrise myself. I knew my husband; he was damn good on what he did. It was worthless to worry, plus, Mitch wouldn’t want that. Maybe he just rescheduled his coming back and hadn’t told me to make me a surprise.

Shaking my head, I focused on the last animal I would have to treat today. My head was feeling a bit light and needed my bed as soon as possible; I was definitely not better from whatever I had. Perhaps I should just throw away all of my food. But, if I were to be honest, I wasn’t exactly feeling up to eat anyway.  

“Okay, this pup is very much healthy.” I said, scratching the back of the dog’s ears. “Don’t be so preoccupied, he only has a mild cold. This big boy should be better in a few days. Just make sure he eats right.”  

“Alright.” The sixty and something woman smiled at me. “Thank you, Mrs. Rapp.”

“Call me Y/N, please, and I am the one who’s thankful you chose us to take care of your little one.” We shook hands for a brief second. “If that doesn’t go away in a week and half, bring him back here.”

“I’ll do that. Again, thank you so much, Y/N.”

Mrs. Emerson waved goodbye and disappeared through the tall brown door of my office, leaving me completely alone for the first time today. Inhaling a deep breath, I opted to use the last fifteen minutes to sign some papers; nevertheless, no matter how hard I tried to fight, I still could feel that something was off, even though I didn’t know what was causing me to be like that.

Huffing, I realised I couldn’t push myself any further; mind was too fuzzy and I still had to drive home, so, in about five minutes, I packed all my stuff, everything perfectly set to my departure. I gave the keys to Philip, the receptionist, then went outside, feeling the rough wind slap my face. Urgh, I hated this crappy season.

On the way back to my place, a thin rain began to fall and the traffic grew heavier. A trip that lasted ten minutes got extended to twenty. Nonetheless, the second I arrived, I felt my entire body froze when I spotted a black Mercedes parked outside my house. This sort of thing never brought good news. A small part of me still wished the car wasn’t waiting for me, that this whole thing was just one big misunderstanding.  

I was wrong, obviously.

“Mrs. Rapp, wait!”

“Yes?”

“I’m a Irene Kennedy.” The beautiful woman who had stopped me from going inside introduced herself, her traits very much austere. “I work with your husband, Mitch Rapp.”

“Oh.” It was all I managed to say. “And?”

“I need to speak with you for a minute. Is that okay?”

“Sure.” Tightening the coat around me, I motioned to my home. “Let’s get inside first. It’s really cold.”

“Okay, that’s sounds good.”

While we made our way towards my residence, I wasn’t able to contain my curiosity, glaring at her by the corner of my eye, searching for any clues on her appearance that would help me uncover the reasons beneath her sudden visit. Even though I couldn’t spot anything out of the usual, the weird feeling at the pit of my stomach got back, this time even stronger, so much I was damn sure I would be throwing up soon.

My hands began shaking and I had to take a good deep breath before unlocking my front door, revealing the neatly organised living room. If Irene had noticed my nervousness, she had done pretty great job at pretending everything was fine. Maybe she was just used to handling the soldiers wives always being worried about their husbands.

“Do you want anything?” I questioned, clamping my bottom lip between my teeth. “A glass of water? Juice?”

“No, I’m fine. Can we talk now?”

“I know what you’re going to say and I-I don’t know if I’m ready.”

“Sit, please.”

“How badly?” The words had come out so low I wasn’t sure if Kennedy had understood what I had said.

“I beg your pardon?”

“Mitch. He’s injured, isn’t he? That’s why he hasn’t called me, right?”

“Mrs. Rapp…”

“Call me Y/N.” As I dismissed her, I could already feel the tears welling up in my eyes. “When can I see him?”

“Y/N, I’m afraid it’s little bit more serious than just a injury.”

“What do you mean?”

“Mitch, uh, he…” Irene muttered uneasy. “He passed away.”

At first, I didn’t quite know what to do with that information, because it simply could not be true. Mitch Rapp, my husband, the future father of my children, would never, never, leave me like that. We had made promises! We were going to make a family. For God’s sakes, we swore to grow old together. It was lie. A mean, terrible lie. But then, once Irene started to rub my arm, I realised it wasn’t. He wouldn’t magically appear from behind a curtain saying ‘surprise!’. It was that moment everything crashed down. All my senses simply decided to cease their functions, leaving me to rot.  

I struggled, trying to breathe, trying to make out of the darkness and fog that suddenly clouded my sight. Nevertheless, the more I tried, I knew, deep down, I didn’t want to, really. If it meant I would be living in a world where I would not have my soulmate beside me, I didn’t want live at all.

“Y/N, are you okay?”

“No, I’m not.” Tears were now rolling down my cheeks, breathing growing harder and harder. “I-I… What happened?”

“He was shot in a crossfire, we tried all we could to bring him back, but the bullet had gone too deep.”

“W-when can I see him? His body.”

“Soon. We’re making all the arrangements to his funeral.”

“Okay, I-”

But I was never able to finish that sentence.  

When I regained my senses again, I was no longer at home, but actually in a very bright, white place. I had wires connected to my body, an IV that made my arm ache a bit and a monitor beeping to each of my heartbeats. What was I doing at hospital?

As if someone was reading my mind, a very nice looking woman walked inside my room, a chart on her hands. She smiled at me politely whilst I sighed, shifting on the hospital bed.

“How you’re feeling, Mrs. Rapp?”

“Awful.”

“That’s okay, you have been through a traumatic event. You’ll need time to recover.”

“Why am I here?”

“A woman named Irene brought you in last night, you were passed out. She informed us about your husband, so we were sure it was just the stress, but we ran some tests and-”

“Oh.” The sinking feeling in my belly returned, once the memories of last night’s events flooded back in. “Where is she?”

“Uh, Ms. Kennedy couldn’t stay, she called a friend of yours, Cristina Anderson.” The woman mumbled, her eyes weary. “But I have good news.”

“Good news?” I shrieked, narrowing my eyes. “The only good news you could tell me is if I’m dying.”

“Mrs. Rapp, I wish there was something I could do besides telling you how sorry I am for your loss.”

“Oh shut up, no one of you know what I’m going through. I-I just… I want to die. Please, inject me with something. Ease my pain. I give you the rights.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re pregnant.”

“I’m what?”

“We ran some blood tests, just to rule out the causes of your dizziness and faint. Your friend told us you have been sick for a few days. I’m sorry this is the worst timing in the world for you to be receiving this news, but… You’re pregnant.”

December, 2017

It is still hard for me to get up from my bed each morning. To not feel his arms tight around my waistline, or hear him whispering how much he loves me. I was still paralysed and I didn’t think I would be much better in any time soon, even though I needed to due to my current situation.

I took a sip from my tea, trying to control the tears that threatened to come back. The rain smoothened a little, yet, the wind kept whooshing, slapping my face and probably leaving my cheeks reddened. Remembering him made me feel at home, at least for a while.

“I wish you were here, baby.” Stroking my still straight belly, I whispered to the wind, hopeful that whenever he was he would hear me. “Just to see the child you wanted growing. I understand you had go, but it would be so much better if you were here to go through this with me…”

A single tear slipped. I still had so much to tell him… I wanted to see him again, hear his voice, hold him one last time, say that I loved him more than anything; that he was the most important person in this world for me; that I would never feel complete again; that nothing would ever be the same without him. I would give anything to do that.

His happy face haunted my thoughts, the last words repeating themselves again and again in my mind… “If you say so”. It was ironic that despite shattering my heart into a zillion pieces, Mitch was still able to leave me with a gift. A small piece of him to remind me that he would always be my side. His last wish would become true.

“I only hope you’re watching us from there and that you know I still love you more.”

And, after I said that, a soft breeze hit my face, as if he was answering me. I smirked, walking inside, more sure than ever that, as long as I kept him within my heart, Mitch would always be by my side.  

you said ‘I love you girl’

I said ‘I love you more’

Then a breath, a pause, you said

‘If you say so’

opinions?

#american assassin #american assassin imagine #american assassin fluff #american assassin AU #mitch rapp x reader #mitch rapp fluff #mitch x reader #Mitch Rapp #mitch rapp imagine #mitch rapp x reader smut #mitch rapp x reader fluff #mitch rapp x reader angst #mitch rapp x oc #mitch rapp x y/n #mitch x reader angst #mitch x reader fluff #mitch x reader imagine #angst #dylan o'brien #dylan o'brien x reader

[guccixstyless]

When You Love Someone (Part 2)

Request:  OMG when you love someone was so soso good!! Would you consider a Part Two? No pressure though xx The story is great regardless 💜💜💜

A/N’s: Thank you! Here’s the final part of this story, hope you like it. xx 

Word Count: 878 words

Pairing: Theo Raeken X Reader

PART 1

Y/N’s POV

“Y/N, c'mon it’s time to move on.” My best friend Malia said. 

“But I’m fine, I’m happy with just my children.” 

“Yeah you are but you do get lonely on weekends, babe you need to find someone with whom you can share a glass of wine with and cuddle,” Malia argued.

“I have you,” I winked.

“What about adult cuddle, you can’t do that with me,” Malia rolled her eyes.

“Shut up, God you are annoying,” I mumbled.

“See? You’re so stressed out you need someone c'mon let’s go to the club it’s been ages!” Malia insisted.

“We’re not teens anymore!”

“We’re not 80 either! Stop acting like an old woman and let’s go to club.” Malia said.

“The kid-,”

“I’m not saying let’s go today, let’s go when the kids are with Theo for the weekend?” 

“Fine, fine.”

Third Person’s POV

“Mate you honestly need to chill, you worry too much,” Liam spoke sipping his wine.

“I can’t help it. My wife and I are living separately, everything is a mess, Peter even said why we have two houses, do you know how broken my kid sounded?” Theo said.

“Ex-wife,"Liam corrected him. "Urgh I know, fuck you don’t have to remind me,”

“Look all I’m trying to say that you guys are still so in love, I don’t even understand why y'all got the divorce,”

“I know, we both thought it was a good decision back then but I regret it so much now.” Theo sighed.

“Try to win her back?”

“I don’t think she loves me anymore though,” Theo shrugged.

“You’re both oblivious,” Liam rolled his eyes.

Next Sunday 

“Amelia got a cold so make sure she has extra blanket with him,” Y/N spoke urgently.

“I got all under control,” 

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

“Uh- Y/N?”

“Yeah,”

“Nothing.”

“I should leave now, bye,” Y/N mumbled before rushing off.

Theo sighed deeply.

Y/N’s POV

Few hours later 

“Malia, it’s pouring outside, there’s no way I’ll leave my house now, I’ll meet you some other day,”

“Okay fine, but you cannot cancel on me the next time,”

“Promise, bye.”

I hung up the phone, thanking my lucky stars it was raining heavily this evening. I honestly didn’t want to go to some club but Malia can be very persuasive. Thank God for the weather I’m safe as for now.

I took a long relaxing shower then made myself a cuppa, then I bundled up on the couch reading the book I had yet to finish.

Suddenly I heard the doorbell, I checked my phone to see it was 9:30 pm, and it’s still raining heavily so I wondered who it could’ve been.

Was it Malia? No I don’t think so.

Maybe the neighbour or something.

My curiosity was answered when I opened the door to see Theo. Completely wet from the rain and I saw how puffy his eyes were.

“Theo, what is it? Where’s Peter and Amelia?” I asked urgently.

“They’re-they’re fine, I came for you,” Theo answered.

“What? Who’s with the kids?” 

“Scott and Liam’s with them, I already put them on bed, I really needed to see you,” he explained.

“Okay? Come in.” I said confusedly.

He nodded.

“You’re completely drenched, I do have some of you spare clothes, do you want to change?” 

He smiled, “always so caring, I would love that.”

I ignored his first comment and began to go to my room to get him his spare clothes.

15 minutes later he changed and came back in the living room and sat beside me on the couch.

“Why did you come here then?” 

“I love you.”

“Theo-”

“No Y/N, i do I really really do,” he sniffled, “I regret divorcing you every single day, I was so stupid, God I was a moron for doing this to us.”

I stayed quiet, he came closer and took my hands on his before gently rubbing circles on them. I felt shivers run down my spine.

“These 10 months were a torture for me, I was also convinced that you don’t love me anymore and it broke my heart so much but everyone else was trying to assure me you still do,” he looked at me expectantly.

“It doesn’t change anything Theo! You did this to us,I begged you not to do this,” I harshly stood up and crossed my arms over my chest.

“I know, I’ve had enough I can’t go a single day more without you, I made a grave mistake, I know my love, but for the sake of love can we try again?”

I chuckled dryly, “try again? How do I know you won’t ask for divorce again in two months time?”

“I won’t, this 10 months taught me the lesson, please give me another chance, for our kids, for us. You’re my everything, I need you, I love you.”

“I don’t know, I’m scared and it’ll take a lot to gain my trust,” I whispered.

“I would do anything to gain it back, and I’ll keep making up for everything for the rest of my life,” Theo said before taking my hand and placing it on his heart.

“I promise,” he whispered.

“Last chance,” I smiled, tears filling my eyes.

“Oh baby,” he sobbed and kissed me.

“I love you.” I whispered.

#teen wolf #teen wolf imagine #teen wolf imagines #theo raeken #theo raeken imagine #theo raeken imagines #theo raeken x reader #theo raeken fanfic #cody christian #cody christian imagines

[beautiful-rebellious-sunflower]

S2 episode 5 AKA ‘Human Trials’ AKA ‘Surprise Bitch I Bet You Thought You’d Seen The Last Of Me’

Abby and Clarke reunion!!!!

MY GIRLS oh my god Abby’s voice in this scene just breaks my fucking heart it took OVER A WHOLE SEASON TO GET THEM BACK TOGETHER AND IT HURTS SO GOOD

Byrne calling Abby ‘Ma’am’ is really sexy okay thanks bye

wow Clarke absolutely breaking down and sobbing in her mom’s arms because she thought she was dead is A Lot

god, I miss season two Jasper :(:(:(

oh shit sexy rugged season 2 Kane planting his mom’s tree ENDLESS TEARS

bless this season for having such good continuity and consistent characterisation <3

‘I have to believe they didn’t survive down here all this time by fighting’ I LOVE YOU MARCUS KANE also that is a very Abby line, also also this man’s absolute faith in humanity and the way he fights for a better future is very very important to me

GOD he’s sexy in this season too, honestly I know they’re my faves but both Kane and Abby are at Peak Babe in season 2

ABBY’S SMILE WHEN CLARKE WAKES UP

ABBY’S LITTLE SELF DEPRECATING  LAUGH WHEN CLARKE IS SURPRISED TO SEE THAT SHE’S SUDDENLY CHANCELLOR

Clarke and Raven and Bellamy god this episode is so full of beautiful reunions my heart can’t take it :’)

why is THIS episode not called ‘Many Happy Returns’ by the way

not to be salty but I genuinely, deeply miss the days when Abby Griffin was one of the main characters in this show, when she got multiple scenes per episode with different people, when her storylines were plot relevant and her character arcs were front and centre

bless u John Murphy, only you can make unbearable characters like Finn more watchable

oh hello Lincoln’s Abs, I feel like I would be more invested in these scenes if I were less Gay

don’t get me wrong I do love Lincoln

YASSSS INPROMPTU COUNCIL MEETING WITH CHANCELLOR GRIFFIN AND SINCLAIR AND MAJOR BYRNE WHAT A POWER SQUAD

‘Finn and Murphy are out there looking for your daughter with guns you gave us. And now she’s home you’re just going to abandon them?’ HOLY SHIT HELL YEAH PREACH IT BELLAMY look this may sound contrary, but as much as I adore Abby Griffin and would happily die defending her, I love it when she fucks up and acts selfishly because it adds such layers to her character

the conflicts she faces during her short time as Chancellor are so fascinating, as she’s torn between her duties to her people, her ethics as a doctor and her love for her daughter, also her voice when she says ‘I just got you back!’ just wrecks me

she’s such a complicated, human character and I love her so much for it

also shoutout to Byrne and Sinclair quietly talking in the background of this scene, CRACKSHIP AHOY I WILL GO DOWN WITH THIS SHIP etc etc

the whole Mt Weather storyline could have been so boring, but instead it’s this endlessly tense, creepy shit with this growing paranoia and Jasper and Monty stepping up to be such compelling protags, with Harper and Miller upgrading to regular beta characters

I’ve never really shipped Bellamy and Clarke, but I do love their developing relationship at every turn <3

NYKO I love you so much and miss you everyday, if there was one person who deserved to see the new world it was you

I am all about Jasper Jordan: Reluctant Hero

also Monty Green: Best Friend Ever And Vigilant Sceptic

urgh Abby slapping Raven :/ I do like things that show Abby as being less than perfect, but that moment still feels really out of character for her, and I viscerally hate it

bless season 2 Self Sacrificing Kane, who doesn’t give a shit about his own life and would do anything to secure peace, and just gets fucked over for it time and time again

and so begins the absolutely HILARIOUS trend of ‘People Being Really Shocked At Jaha Showing Up In The Weirdest Places When They Thought He Was Long Dead’

urgh just stop everything Finn, just...stop

Nyko is always and forever the real MVP

yeah I love Lincoln and all but he has a lot of action scenes in this ep that aren’t super interesting on re-watch

not to be Trash but I always kind of shipped Cage Wallace and Doctor Singh

also Dante and Cage Wallace are such GREAT and complex villains and season two is all the better for showing their inner lives and making them real characters with relationships and doubts and understandable motivations so that you’re with them every step of the way along with the protagonists

What The Fuck Finn is always a Big Mood, but never more so than in this episode

#The 100 #The 100 liveblogging #season two #Human Trials

[lumateranlibrarian]

huuurrrrkkkkKHHHKHK I SAW A STAR WAR

Ok, so, THOUGHTS:

1. This movie fucked up all my pre-existing ships and I am A-OKAY WITH THAT. Still hate Reylo 10000% though, sorry not sorry. And oh jeez, did this episode feed SO. MUCH. FUEL. to the Reylo fire. Urgh.

2. I literally gasped when Yoda happened.

3. Speaking of, Yoda, what the fuck. “Eh, dry reads, they were.” Yeah, it’s cool, the Order did kind of suck. What’s that? You want me to convince you not to do it? LOL, still such a padawan you are, young Skywalker. Ima torch this shit with my FORCE UNEXPECTED WEATHER PATTERNS.

4. My new theory is that Rey is the child of two of the apprentices Kylo Ren took with him after destroying Luke’s temple.

5. Poe. I kinda wanted to smack him too. Except then Finn had to go and pull an Independence Day, and I was all “LISTEN TO POE, HE LITERALLY JUST FINISHED HIS CHARACTER ARC FOR THE MOVIE”

6. Gwendolyn Christie, my goddess. It was so amazing to see her fighting. She’s such an inspiration, and to see her put her hard-earned skills learned on Game of Thrones to use in a completely different genre was SO satisfying. If she had to go, well, she got one hell of an ending. 

7. OF COURSE REY ISN’T GONNA TURN. HOW COULD YOU EVER HAVE DOUBTED HER??!!!?!

8. Of course, now the interesting question is raised... there is no “master and the apprentice” to face in the final episode of the trilogy. Kylo Ren made sure of that. Is this going to be as straightforward a fight as good versus evil? Look. Listen. I honestly don’t feel like Kylo Ren can be redeemed. He can turn, sure (although I’m honestly doubting that that’s gonna happen). But redeemed? Oh, hell no. BOY. YOU LITERALLY KILLED EVERY. SINGLE. MEMBER. OF. YOUR. ENTIRE. FAMILY. Except your mom.

9. Why was it Yoda who showed up, and not Ben? It seems to me that Ben was the one who always appeared to Luke in times of crisis, and Ewan McGregor must have been more than willing to play the part. Though, I have to say, I really appreciated the way they animated Yoda. It seemed much more like the puppet of the original trilogy, which I found preferable. Was it a puppet? Oh god, I hope it was, that would have been amazing.

10. Hux is literally about to snap. I’ll be waiting with popcorn and pompoms when that happens. Too bad Hux will probably die before he can get off a second shot, but. Y’know. It’s the spirit of the thing.

11. The more I think about it, the more I really want to know the identities of the students Luke had alongside Ben. This seems like an important detail to leave out, especially given that we don’t know what happened to the ones that left with Kylo Ren.

12. HOW CAN ONE LINE BETWEEN POE AND REY MAKE ME WANT TO SHIP THEM INTO THE SUNSET. LITERALLY HOW. “I’m Rey.” “I know.” But honestly, I called the Finn/Rose ship from first taser, thank you Thor.

13. ROSE. MOTHERHUGGING. TICO. WHAT A BAE. WHAT A WONDERFUL BRAVE UNCOMPROMISING WOMAN. HOW INTELLIGENT. HOW KIND. HOW HONEST. 

14. Finn has a tyyyyyppppeeeeeeee, and it is adorable women with hearts of gold who are super amazingly competent and who are “nobodies” “just like him” (the extra quotations are for extra sarcasm). I swear, if Rey and Rose aren’t like best friends come Episode 9, I will flip a table, I swear I will. I need Rey to absolutely adore Rose, and I need Rose to really work to make sure people see the person beneath the Jedi persona Rey’s building around herself.

15. LUKE. JUST PHASING OUT. GOODBYE, EVERYONE, I’LL REMEMBER YOU ALL IN THERAPY.

16. Han with his fucking dice ornament. What a nerd. AND THEN LUKE WAKING UP THE FALCON WITH THE FORCE. LUKE LOW-KEY HIGH-KEY USING THE FORCE TO JUST GET FISH FOR BREAKFAST.

17. “... and watch your language!”

18. DO YOU THINK THAT WAS FINN’S FIRST KISS. I THINK THAT WAS FINN’S FIRST KISS. WRITE ME ALL THE META. I WANT IT.

19. While we’re at it, I must also find some Rey/Poe fic, and if I cannot find it, I will try to create it.

Do or do not, there is n o tr Y

20. Seriously, though. Love the twin sun symbolism at the end, but also the black suit with the white undershirt that Phantom!Luke was wearing during the fight. I adore all the callbacks - I know a lot of supposedly “hardcore” fans are being really rough on the new trilogy for how heavily it plays off the original, but I think it’s great.

21. Yeah, ok. The scene where Leia pulls herself to the med bay using the force while she is floating in outer space without a suit pushes all limits of credibility. But who amongst us cannot say that seeing Leia wield the Force so powerfully was one of the greatest sights we have ever seen? That was Carrie, and seeing this movie really struck home just what a wonderful person we lost.

#it should be REALLY OBVIOUS that this post contains #spoilers #star wars #star wars episode vii #i need to process all this #and then go see it again

[chxxry]

17062019

(because my friend is better than yours to do such shit)

Hello June and hello an older me, so it is the mid of June and things have been amazing thanks to the people around despite all the work and school.

Let me start of with Ultra which was poor with the set up they have and all the last minute poor organisation and setlist but it is fine. A great time was made with Emily and her girls, I really had a blast with Axwell on the first day then Porter Robinson and Skrillex on the second day. The jam is amazing though I have to admit 2 years ago was the best, the setlist is amazeballs and of cause the venue is outside with rain. Oh, and a fight actually happen on the second day of Ultra, like if only they can take it outside but it is amazing still the 2 days(or i should say night since we only go in at night)

Then the long week of birthday week. Really nice dinner with my friends at Ma Maison and the card with really nice message says alot. I can only smile to it because it is so nice of them to do it even the quote on the card is Harry Potter as well as a quote that I believe will give me strength for it. “Happiness can be found even in the darkness of times,if one only remembers to turn on the light.” Following with a dinner with Vanessa and Qiwen which was a surprise because this particular I receive a text from Vanessa on when will I be available for dinner for the very day. I am more than just happy, it is really sweet of her and Qiwen to do it for me and to remember. Thank you guys alot really. Then guess what, Baby Harvey came out on the very day, which got me to travel to the Hospital to look at him. He is such a cutie by all honesty though I think my nephew Jayden still wins the cute baby award (being a bias aunt). Congratulations to Al and Mel, and rest well Mel. Dinner with my colleagues for someone’s end of internship, WOOHOO. All the best to you Elaine, and enjoy the remaining time before all the real society comes on you. Got myself a last minute call from Cyrus for dinner before heading to meet my parents and their friends which was funny because every time a birthday song comes up they will start singing for me. 

On the very day, when for a pool training which totally poop me out with damn scorching weather and dinner with the family at the cafe which douche works at. Nice cafe and food but due to Fathers’ day it was super crowded. And because it is Fathers’ day, there were alot of family in the cafe that you won’t believe the band actually sang Baby Shark from a request. After dinner, went to catch MIB with Jo’s jio as I spend the last few moments with Chris Hemsworth. Seriously, how is Chris Hemsworth so urgh, like his eyes. ESPECIALLY his eyes, totally get me staring at it like damn gorgeous his eyes are. And Jo presents me my japan loots as well as gift from her personally. Thank you so much, I really really appreciate the effort and time for you to visit the places to get for me even to the cafe despite your own trip. The next day, I went to meet her and the rest for ramen and chilling. It was nice meeting everyone especially Roni who I haven’t seen for ages. Then the cake you see above, was Hatake’s idea. I swear I actually flip my eyes up before laughing and because Kiri’s is just days away from mine, hers wrote “you also old” which was so damn funny. Sometimes having friends like that makes life funnier and better. Oh, and the present from my Frenmily + Kiri + Crisis, thank you guys so damn much for the present, I am going to savour it if that is even the right word to use. The wrapper is the best of all best because Jo actually went to do a powerpoint with all 13 members of SVT + Hidechan + Yuuki which got me laughing hard. I swear no wrapper is going to beat that. Thank you guys so much,oh and a very nice white rose from Himi which I cannot explain how I feel about it since it is the first time I’m getting flowers on special day. Got myself a call from Australia, really thank you brother. as well as a midnight call all the way from the other part of the globe, thank you my friend. You have always been the best of all the best who never fails to make the effort. Not forgetting kiri who wishes me every year on 2359. EVERY YEAR since I know her, 23:59. 

These gestures have been so much for me that I really think blessed is an understatement. I really feel that it is more than I should deserve, but still thank you. (Need not read further if you do not want to deal with my rant, lengthy and nuisance)

_______________________________________________________________

Despite all the happy moments up there, I am still sour, unhappy, unforgiving, not letting things go etc. 

1) I do not know what else have I not done as someone being called a Best Friend. If you have no intention on putting me first do not call me that. You have not given me the best experience to have a best friend that I do not like names for people around me. I just go by friends or acquaintance, which makes life easier and some girlfriends. For so many things since then till now, I kept silence as much as I can and accept every flaw you have but i am sick and tired of it because you take every silent as my way of agreement when it is not and things got over the top. I get that your god damn boyfriend is so damn important but things like keeping your words and promises really don’t apply right. “Do not want me to feel bad that you pick him over me” This words, I do not even know why are you saying them because for the years it has always been like this. And irony is not just me feeling that way because your own friends feel it too but they just decide to keep it shut. I didn’t feel a thing when you tell me “oh shit” because I already EXPECTED and GUESSED it will happen and you won’t be joining me to it. Do you know how sad that feels? For me to even expect this to happen, that people around me are angry for me but I am not because I had in mind it was bound to happen. Then aka suppose to be your Best Friend, you actually only ask her availability so late like she doesn’t have any friends is it? Even so, your stupid bestfriend aka ME still give chance when people ASK FROM THE START OF THE MONTH and push away appointments to in hope for something. Nothing, no messages until the very last minute and when I tell you how pack I am/was, your reply of “guilt tripping” is such a turn off that pisses me off. “Oh wells” “Thought can have dinner before your birthday” So is it my damn fault? You have never think of me first right? Your eyes and mind only have your damn boyfriend and his Friends right? When you have trouble with your boyfriend related issue that you cannot even tell him and them who will you tell and be there. YOU FUCKING TELL ME.  I am honestly very piss now as I type this, but this is the last time I will type them because for the sake of my wellbeing I am going to let it down and calm down and get to the last stage of DONE where I start being silent on EVERY LITTLE THING. Like I keep saying “put me on the no.1 speed dial” when you are about to go into labour (when pregnant) what was your reply. Pointing to the boyfriend’s friend who you have been sticking with and say “he will drive me”. Thank man, you made things even clearer isn’t it. Do not blame me when I do the worst things to you because what you are going through now from ME, is not the worst. I can be the worst person you ever deal with, I can be even more out right bitch about it. Stop your blood excuses and reflect, I know my own damn busy self which you will use it to defend yourself but think the heck about it, have you even think of me first before everyone else. Even your friends don’t even think you put them first, stop asking us just because you have nobody. Pathetic. And your message for my birthday, I do not know what to say because it turns me off. Effort? I don’t know, I think every expectations from you to surprise me didn’t matter anymore. Nothing mattered anymore.

2) Sister, youngest. I spoil you, I get it. But have I not keep my mouth silent enough, I am also tired about not being a priority the way you claim it. I am tired but everytime I get it off my mind and slowly I get use to it. The way you text me telling me you are bored everytime puts me off. Am I a spare because nobody is texting or reply you? I don’t know but I always put it off and try my best to keep the sarcasm off which sometimes I just cannot. Like this time too, when I see the message I really didn’t felt anything. All I felt was being turn off because I cannot feel a thing. I didn’t want to reply but I still did, not replying is rude to do so. Maybe is just my fault because from then till now I give to you whatever I can ad maybe is just me being all sour and irritated that you tend to throw me aside when you meet someone new especially guy? Maybe is just me being sour. But honestly, I do not want to be done with you and it sucks because I am tired with all these dramas that are so dumb.

3) I think because I am single, I have friend problems instead. Maybe I should get a guy and I will not have time for any of my friends like they didn’t for me. Honestly. Not sarcasm because it is how I feel. When my colleagues get my a card with heartfelt messages, and i think of the text messages, it really piss me off. When unexpected birthday messages from unexpected friends, and they look and feel the same as how your important friends’ messages are really.... I really do not want to reply any of the messages the two of you send because disappointment and turn off was so great.