#was that it was necessarily the experience of *everyone* who has a uterus

[aeide-thea]

As soon as I stopped talking about myself in second person, it sucked the defensive posturing, language, and energy out of most of the conversations I had with people, both in person and online.

Quick recap on first, second, third person

First person uses: I, me, mine, we, etc. Second person uses: you, yours, etc. Third person uses: they, she, he, her, him, their, it, etc.

What the hell I mean by “talking about myself in second person”

“Oh, you know, when you’re trying to get out the door for work in the morning, and it’s just one thing after another. First you break your favorite coffee mug, then you can’t find your keys, then you drop your purse and spill everything out. You know that kind of day?”

I’m not actually talking about “you” in that paragraph. Not until the last sentence. I’m actually describing ME, a morning I experienced. But, I’m not simply describing my day and asking if “you” (the person I’m speaking to) knows what I mean. I’m, with my speech, assuming they’ve shared this experience, and talking about it as if it’s a shared experience that they do know. Further, I’m assuming, with my language, that they feel about it the same way I do.

Some experiences ARE universal. … I think. Maybe. If we take care to talk about them vaguely enough and don’t include details which vary from person to person. Many experiences are NOT universal.

The BIG and UNNECESSARY gambles that talking about myself in second person takes

When I project my experience onto someone, unless my projection “feels good” to them, chances are they’ll want to defend themselves against it.

It could be that they have a negative perception of the experience, or the kind of person who has had that experience. Some really put together not-clumsy folks (whose hands don’t occasionally just spasm open and launch something across the room for no reason) look down on forgetful, clumsy experiences like this morning I just described. Some people feel shame when they themselves are clumsy. When I describe THEM as being clumsy and forgetful that does NOT feel good to them.

It could be that I’m describing something as negative that they don’t believe is negative at all. For some people, this is a relatively NORMAL morning, which I’m describing as being abnormal and bad. Hence, I’m calling them abnormal and bad, and assuming they feel abnormal and bad about themselves.

It could be a dozen other scenarios I’ve not thought of.

THE ONLY way this kind of communication is successful is if we both share my experience and also my feelings and perception of the experience. And they’re open to sharing those feelings with me.

There’s no reason for me to make that one scenario the only successful communication scenario. Nor to leave so many possibilities for defensiveness.

What I can say instead

I can just use the first person. That’s it. It’s that simple.

“Oh, man, I’m having one of those mornings I do sometimes. Just trying to get out the door for work, and it’s been one thing after another. First I break my favorite coffee mug, then I can’t find my keys, then I drop my purse and spill everything out. You know that kind of day?”

In this scenario, I’m not asking the other person to picture themselves having this awful day. They don’t think about their coffee mug breaking, nor having trouble finding their own keys. I’m not insinuating anything about how put-together or not-put-together they are. Or what they feel about this kind of day. I’m just sharing what happened to me, and letting them picture me instead of themselves as I describe it. When I say “you” in this version, I actually DO mean the person I’m speaking to, and NOT myself.

With this version of the story, my communication has a much better chance of being successful. That is, of me being able to accurately paint a picture of what I’m describing without introducing unnecessary barriers to the information.

If someone CAN imagine this happening, and they’re willing to keep talking, then I’ve succeeded. They don’t have to respond to their own emotions about my assumptions about them. They can instead just listen and respond to me.

It CAN sometimes be good to speak about an experience in this way, assuming it is shared

It actually CAN be a useful bonding tool, to assume with my language that the experience and my feelings about it are shared. It can feel good to both of us not to be alone in this life and all the crazy, horrible, beautiful things that happen to us in it.

It’s just that that’s ONLY helpful to do when it’s TRUE.

This has been a weirdly hard habit to break, but soooo worth it

Turns out, when I’m really craving to know I’m not alone in something, or when I feel vulnerable, I WANT it to be a shared experience. I really, really WANT it to be true that it HAS happened to the person I’m talking to, and that they share my feelings. At least, that’s why I think this habit really took hold of me. It’s also true that this was the way adults around me spoke when I was a kid, and I just learned it the same way I learned all language.

The payoff in breaking this habit has been HUGE though.

My sloppy language use in mixing up what is “me-stuff” and what is “them-stuff” had meant I actually never had to THINK about the possibly different experiences and perspectives of myself and people I spoke with. Assuming, with my language, that both our experiences and perspectives of those experiences were the same meant that I was actually ASSUMING these things were true in reality.

Turns out, as soon as I stop to think about my word use, and sort out if I am talking about me or them, I actually have to STOP and THINK about the two of us as being different.

This has been a goddamn gold mine. For real.

It allows me to be open to other people sharing something different about what I say. I don’t feel closed off and defensive if they don’t share my experience. I’m already entertaining the idea that they might feel differently about this kind of experience, or that they might NEVER have had it at all, and have only an outsider’s perspective of it.

I end up holding FEWER assumptions about other people, because I’m not making those assumptions about them when I speak about myself. Because I’m making fewer assumptions about them, there’s fewer things for them to feel defensive about.

I also am able to feel so much more clarity, in my own mind, about when I *am* actually talking about other people, and not myself. This has been additionally really helpful to my healing from codependency.

So there it is, my favorite communication life hack: When I’m talking about me, my experience, my life, I talk in the first person. It means I’ve stopped projecting myself onto the people I speak with, and thus, they don’t have to defend themselves against my projection onto them.

#the style and formatting of this post are. very much the thing that they are #like. do we really have to do italics AND all-caps. could we pick one. #and originally i was going to try to like. excerpt it and shape it more to my taste in that way #but like. which bits do you chop out. better to just present the thing as it presents itself. #anyway i wish i could make everyone have this realization bc it's SO important imo #saw a post recently abt ~the experience of having a uterus~ which was like. speak for yourself‚ lol #and like. there was nothing wrong with it! as a description of the OP's experience! but the rhetorical assumption they were making #was that it was necessarily the experience of *everyone* who has a uterus #but like. it's *not* my experience! so i know that's untrue! #and so immediately it became 'this post is trying to convince me of falsehoods' and it put my back up #when with different pronouns it could've just been someone's totally innocuous perblogging i'd have given a like #anyway. might make my own post abt this at some point but in the meantime i think this one's pretty good if you can stand the style #useful reframings #long post

[palmtreesx3]

Taking a break from my normal thirsting for a certain ice cream scooper 🍨⛵... Read on if you wish. Scroll if you don't. It's not a debate. I won't entertain negativity. ✌️

------

There's a lot of weird shit going on in America these days. I wrote the following rant/blurb/piece/ramble under the cut last summer, almost a year ago when shit started to really feel wild in the legislation, not just the media and for "show". When we started to see the ideas that people spewed and talked about like wild fairy tales actually start to become law. A year of this and some of the laws and bills that have come to pass after this trend have been shocking and abhorrent.

There's so much going on in states like FL, TN, TX and more that takes justifiable control away from people who deserve to control their own lives and bodies. There is too many people that don't want to be influenced by others values but want to influence the values of others. There are books being banned for having two male penguins, 10 Commandments being mandated in public school classrooms, children forceably taken away because their mother's hair is cut too short and their dress is to masculine, there is CONTINUED and immeasurable gun violence in places that should feel safe like schools, women toeing the line of the living and the dead while they can't have their own life-saving care because some non-viable cells took up residence in their uterus, women needing written permission from their spouse for a hysterectomy....

It's not about one view. It should be about many views. It's not only about reproductive choice, it's about the choice to live your own, unique and beautiful life any way you choose.

--- READ ON ---

I curse. A lot. If you know me you know that Friday is NOT my favorite F word. I don't necessarily temper my language around my kids - they know that there are mommy and daddy words and I don't give those words a ton of value in that context. I insert curse words regularly. I use them to show excitement. (FUCK YES!) I use them to emphasize frustration. (fuckkk) I use them to express anger. (That's fucking bullshit). I use them to make you pay attention.

I use them because I choose to. I use them in situations that are generally (not always) but GENERALLY at least socially acceptable. I slip up sometimes, but I read the room. I don't always make assumptions that people are comfortable hearing it. I may start if I am comfortable with YOU or in a safer space regardless of your own personal choices on language.

I have people in my life, close friends, sorority sisters, family, coworkers, casual acquaintances. That DO NOT curse. I have never heard them utter a word. Or that do but rarely, and you KNOW they are really deep in that emotion to be muttering or exclaiming the word of choice when they do.

Ya know, there is marked research that shows that people who do curse are smarter, more creative because it's activity in the right brain and have a higher social emotional skills and empathy. People who talk like me are scientifically more honest (I can feel the SHOCK). Science and legitimate research has shown there is correlation to higher levels of integrity, more robust vocabulary and literacy intelligence and even have higher pain tolerance than non-cursers. Do I feel superior? Fuck no. Do people who choose not to curse or do not believe in it feel superior to me? Maybe. Probably. But that's not my problem. They stay in their lane about it and sometimes I never know the difference.

I respect these people no less because they choose not to curse. I love them no less. I think they're no more or less of a person. They are not more moral than me because they don't say fuck. They choose to have that as part of their ethics and morality and everyone's ethics and morality is dictated differently - culture, religion, exposure, personal experience... It goes on. And you know what... People with different values still chose to like me. I still have respect, professionalism, love and friendship even with people who dont have a dirty fucking mouth. * My value is not defined by my vocabulary even when a significant amount of people do not value my vocabulary. *

Now if you don't quite know where I'm going with this yet ...I'll just clarify that I'm not comparing saying the word fuck with abortion. Not outright at least. But I sure as hell argue that I have the right to say any fucking word I want just like you have the right to choose never to utter a curse word in your life. On the continuum is people like me as using profanity as part of pretty regular language. People who casually curse but it's still not part of a typical conversation - maybe to highlight a point or display a very strong emotion. The people who curse to deal with immense stress or pain - emergency cursers. And still people who will find alternative words to express their emphasis differently for their entire life and never even consider using a phrase. All seem perfectly reasonable, huh?

Oddly enough we can have moral, values-based choices that are individualized about almost anything else...cursing, vegetarian or veganism, alcohol use, religion, gambling, educational approaches, clothing (which ironically ALSO primarily effects women). My point is that choice is about the continuum and recognizing that there is one. Veganism and vegetarianism are perfect examples of this. Vegetarians aren't wrong just because Vegans exist.

My point is that I can support someone who thinks they need to make that choice while also simultaneously supporting someone who would also never make that choice based on each individuals views simply because it's NOT my choice. I can also choose to agree on principle or morals but not make it my problem because it's NOT my choice. I can also not know a fucking thing about it because no one owes me the right to know what things are going on between their legs and inside their bodies. You do realize that you can be Pro-Choice and personally VEHEMENTLY against abortion at the exact same time, right? Well guess what.. you can.

The argument for choice is not for or against one single thing... At all. It's for the humanity to recognize that everyone's values are not and will never be the same. It's about the right to wear a mask IF YOU WANT, to decide to take Advil to cure your headache or use peppermint essential oil. It's about my right to have a colorful vocabulary.. and it's about STAYING THE FUCK OUT OF WOMEN'S VAGINAS.

#roe v wade #choice matters #roe vs. wade #we got some wild shit going on in the wild west #human rights

[duckprintspress]

Advice for Writing Trans Male Characters

Hi everyone, and welcome to our second guest post! We approached a trans man, and fellow writer, to put together a list of suggestions for cis people who want to write trans male characters! He has chosen to remain anonymous. Always remember, there is no one trans experience, and no one trans person’s knowledge will reflect the range of ways that trans people live. Our post author writes from his perspective, based on his knowledge and research, and much of this is relatively specific to the modern United States. Always use multiple sources when writing a character with an identity or identities that you don’t share!

*

So, you want to write a trans male character but you're not a trans man yourself. Good! We need more trans male characters out there in the world. There are a few things to consider, however. This is not a perfect list (I would never claim to be perfect), but here are some thoughts from a trans man about writing people like me.

Trans men are men. They talk like men, think like men, and walk like men, except where socialization as women has forced otherwise. By this I mean that descriptions should not include things like “he walked delicately, like a woman”. However he walks, it's like a man, because he’s a man. Other characters should not note that he “thinks like a woman” or that he “acts like a woman.” If you talk about a trans man transitioning and you mention that he is working on ways to masculinize his speech patterns or walking, that's fine, but make sure it's done from his perspective, e.g. “Michael tried to lower his voice, attempting to sound more like his father.” Do not use “Michael tried to lower his voice, not wanting to sound like a woman.” It's his voice and he sounds like a man. Also, many woman have deeper registers and many men have higher registers, and there's honestly not that much difference between a woman who speaks in a low alto and a man who speaks in a high tenor. Avoid gendering voices, mannerisms, and other things. A good rule of thumb is that if it's a concept, idea, or an inanimate or non-sentient thing, it is physically and/or emotionally incapable of having a gender and you should not assign one to it.

1. A trans man who has decided that all he needs to do is come out to be a man is still a man, with a man's body and male genitals, because he says he's a man. Even if he is not out, he is a man. He can be uncomfortable with his body, or with how others perceive his body, but it should not be described in terms of “womanly” aspects.

EX: David's breasts made him uncomfortable, reminding him that others looked at him differently than how he would have liked.

2. 72% of trans men do not ever want full gender reassignment surgery, and this doesn’t make them “less of a man.” The surgeries are expensive, invasive, and don’t always result in a fully functional genital apparatus. Also, there are a lot of them. A trans man, to have a full semi-working penis (one that will not be useful for sex but will at least be useful for urination), is looking at at least three surgeries: to remove the labia, to 'bulk up' the clitoris, and to move the urethra. There are also surgeries to remove the cervix and/or the uterus, to create a scrotum, and to add a pump inside the scrotum attached to a surgical implant in the penis to assist with arousal. Even if a man has all these surgeries, the penis he gets loses most of its sensitivity and won’t become physically aroused (as in, achieve erection) without medical intervention. He may also need electrolysis to remove pubic hair. Ultimately, many trans men opt not to deal with it. Many still want top surgery, or a hysterectomy, or both, and often testosterone is used to help deepen their voice and change their body shape (but, again, gendering a trans man's voice by suggesting it's “feminine” because he's not on testosterone or because his voice hasn't dropped yet is not a great idea). It depends on the type and amount of dysphoria a person experiences, versus their financial and mental ability to deal with the different choices. Some trans men are happy with no hormones and only top surgery. Others want or need everything. There is no “correct” way to be trans.

3. Unless your story revolves around their transition (which, as a cis person, maybe it's best you don't do, honestly), there’s no reason to go into detail about your trans male character's surgeries. If it’s not plot relevant, it's probably not necessary.

4. If you’re writing porn, make sure to always use male pronouns for him, even if he has chosen not to go through surgery. If he has gone through surgery, what he has will be indistinguishable from a cis male penis except that he may need viagra or a surgical pump.

5. Reactions to testosterone are different for every trans man. Some men never have their voices drop, never grow a beard, and/or never bulk up and get all muscle-y. Some men are on testosterone for two weeks and have a Gandalf beard with a voice low enough to sing bass. It just depends, mostly on genetics. If your character's father is a super hairy mountain man who sings bass in his lumberjack quartet, then your character is more likely to end up similar. If your character's father is basically an elf, then he's likely to be similar to that. Also, for a number of reasons, a trans man may choose not to or may be incapable of taking testosterone. Most doctors won’t prescribe it if the man wants to carry his own children in the future, for example.

6. Keep in mind that the order in which testosterone produces effects on a man’s body isn’t predictable, so don't worry too hard about 'getting it right.' Even trans men can't predict what they'll look like after being on testosterone for a while.

7. Also, a note: If your character is transmasculine and nonbinary, and taking testosterone, it's likely they will be on a lower dose than a trans man. That's not always true, but testosterone can be given at a few different doses, depending on how drastic a change a person wants and how quickly they want that change to occur. There’s still no guarantee: a trans man may never be able to grow a beard on a full dose, while a transmasculine nonbinary person might be on a very low dose and have a beard within the first month. But, generally, lower doses are meant to bring out smaller changes over a longer period of time, while higher doses are meant to bring out larger changes over a shorter period of time.

8. A non-fluid trans man is going to consider himself a man at all times, and always use he/him pronouns for himself, whether or not everyone else does. If you're writing a trans man point-of-view piece where he's not out or where he's not fully accepted, make sure he or the narrator always uses the right pronouns when others don't. That helps remind your audience that he's not the person other people think he is.

EX: Daniel was frustrated. His grandmother insisted on calling him “Sarah” no matter how many times he corrected her.

9. Menstruation is a difficult topic for a lot of trans men. Some men lose their ability to menstruate when they take testosterone, while others continue to menstruate. If they retain their uterus, however, the possibility of a menstrual cycle is always there. If/when menstruation happens for a trans man, it's often a time of major dysphoria. A trans man may have a lot of issues surrounding menstruation. Having a cervix also means yearly Pap smears, which can also be uncomfortable or dysphoria-inducing. Dysphoria can also happen during ovulation, when a person is most fertile. The body during this time is “getting ready for a baby” and the changes can be very triggering.

10. Testosterone may stop menstruation, but it doesn't necessarily stop pregnancy. Also, some trans men will go off their testosterone in order to carry their own child. During their pregnancy, it is important that they are still referred to as men. A trans man will generally prefer to be called “father” even if he carried the child, but some may prefer the term “mother.” If a cis person wishes to write a pregnant trans character, it would be better to err on the side of caution and use “father.” A trans man who has gone through top surgery will not likely be able to nurse his own children, but a man who has chosen to use a binder instead will be able to (probably - some people don’t/can’t lactate for other reasons). Whether or not he chooses to will be up to him.

11. Gender Dysphoria is the medical diagnosis given to trans people who want to do any form of medical transitioning. Being transgender is not in and of itself a diagnosis. A person can be transgender and choose never to transition medically. Dysphoria is generally most clearly understood as a form of discomfort in the body you possess. Sometimes a person experiencing dysphoria is uncomfortable with their body no matter what. He doesn't like his breasts, for example, unless they are bound, no matter what his setting is, who is looking at him, etc. His dysphoria takes the form of nausea at the mere sight of them. Alternatively, some people only experience dysphoria relating to how others see them. For example, a man may not mind his breasts when he's alone, and he doesn't usually bind, but on a specific day while he wasn't binding someone glance at his breasts before calling him 'ma'am' and now he can't uncross his arms in case someone else looks his way. For some people dysphoria comes and goes, and they have good days and bad days. Also, images can be dysphoria-inducing. For example, seeing a pregnant person might remind a man that he has a uterus, and make him extremely uncomfortable all day. Other people may go several days, or weeks or months, without experiencing dysphoria, but when it hits it affects them for a long time or very severely. Or a person might experience dysphoria every day, as kind of a low-level mental fog they can't shake.

12. Gender Euphoria is as valid as Gender Dysphoria. Gender Euphoria is the idea that a person might be content in the body given to them, but will never be truly happy unless they make a change. These people can live their whole lives as the gender assigned to them at birth without severe mental issues or physical problems, but it's like living a life without color. They can do it, but if there's a way to get color back, why wouldn't they?

13. Changing names is complicated and takes time. It also differs in every state/country, and may need to be re-done when a trans man moves. In some states, all they need to change their name legally is a court order. In other areas, a trans man needs to have lived using their new name for a period of time, or have doctor’s notes and authorizations. Once the character has changed their name legally through the courts, they need to change their driver's license, banking information, insurance, work papers, social security information, passport, birth certificate, and any other documentation bearing their name. It can take anywhere from a month to a year or more, and is expensive, sometimes prohibitively so. It's okay to have a trans male character who goes by “Mark” but whose parents or grandparents refer to as “Melissa.” The important thing is to make sure narratively you are confirming that those people are wrong.

EX: “Melissa! It's nice to see you come to visit!” Mark's mom said. Mark cringed, hating the sound of his deadname, but he hadn't yet been able to convince his mother to use the right one.

14. Do not portray a character binding for more than eight hours or with unsafe binders in a positive light. Just don’t. Binding, even with professional/high-end binders, is not safe. It's a stopgap - safer than not binding at all for some people whose dysphoria is really bad. It constricts the lungs and can break ribs if not done properly. It can permanently alter a person's chest cage if done for an extensive period of time. It's a necessary evil for people who are waiting to get their surgery done, in order to keep them alive to have that surgery. It's not a permanent cure-all. Binding also can cause dysphoria. A person who doesn't have dysphoria surrounding his chest can develop it after wearing a binder. So, have your character bind safely, or discuss the issues surrounding unsafe binding. (And yes, this applies even in a fantasy setting or world where the technology may be different. A story is a story, but the impact it could have on a real trans man is potentially dangerous, so write with consideration, and if you do introduce a magical or technological solution to this, maintain awareness of the reality.)

15. Transitioning without an in-person support group is one of the most common factors in transitioning regret. Give your character someone to go to the doctor with them, someone to hold their hand when they get scared, someone to talk them through moments when they're unsure. No one who goes under the knife is always completely 100% sure all the time. They need a community. Surgery and hormones are scary, even if a trans man knows he wants them, and trying to go it alone can spell disaster.

16. Given that a trans man will consider himself a man, it can be challenging to make it clear to a reader that he’s trans. If he's the main/POV character, you can write him dealing with some dysphoria. For example, if you decide your character binds, mention that his breasts are bothering him particularly badly one day. Have him adjust his binder. Describe putting a binder on. That kind of thing. If he's a minor character, it can be more challenging, but you can still have him do things like adjust a binder. You could also mention surgical scars, if a character takes off their shirt. Another thing you can do is just have the main character remember a time “before Mark went by Mark” (for example). Another way is to have the character mention some way in which they are fighting for trans rights, and acknowledge that the issue is personal to them. Try not to use the deadname unless he’s facing an actual microaggression by another character. The narrative or narrator character should never deadname the character.

17. FTM is not an accepted term anymore, as it implies that a person was one thing and changed. Generally speaking, if a trans man is not genderfluid, then he was never female or a woman. Likewise, the phrase “born in the wrong body” is not acceptable for use by cis people. The only real use it has is to explain dysphoria by transgender characters to cisgender characters who aren't inclined to listen or try to understand. The accepted term is AFAB, or Assigned Female At Birth. Keep in mind that terms and labels change with time, so do your research. For example, if you’re writing a historical piece, different terms may be more appropriate, and if you’re writing a modern current-day piece, understand that in ten or twenty years the terminology you use will likely have grown outdated.

18. The proper way to write the term is always “trans man” and never “transman”. Trans is an adjective describing a type of man, just like you might say an Asian man or a muscled man or a gay man. This comes back to the idea that a trans man is always a man, first and foremost.

19. An easy pitfall to avoid if your trans male character's setting is modern or modernesque is: Don't make the story all about their oppression. We are aware of the many ways in which the modern world is trying to oppress and harm the trans community, but trans men can still be happy and interesting people. They can have dysphoria without being depressed. They aren’t necessarily the “down in the dumps” character. Also, trans men have a long history of being activists, and are often erased in history, so don't be afraid to make your trans men an out-and-loud activist. Yes, terrible things have happened and continue to happen to trans men, and any trans man who has done any research into trans history will know about individuals like Brandon Teena. Trans men know the dangers they face. Knowing that bad things can and are happening doesn't mean a trans man can't find his own joy in life, despite things not being perfect.

20. Keep in mind when writing in historical settings that trans men have existed for as long as people have existed. Many trans men were able to go through life completely “undetected” until they died and those around them conducted culturally-common burial practices. It’s not unreasonable to have a trans man in Regency England, Yuan China, or Roman times. If you're writing about non-European-centric history, many cultures acknowledged those who didn’t present the way their AGAB (assigned gender at birth) would suggest, and do your research. Also, keep intersectionality in mind, and tread especially carefully when writing a trans man from a culture and period other than your own. This post is mostly applicable to trans men in the modern era, and especially in the United States. The trans male experience will be different in other places in the world, for people of different ages and of different religions and ethnicities and races, so the more traits your trans man has that are outside your own experience as a cis writer, the more you should consider if it’s wise for you write the story you have in mind, or if it might not be better to allow in-group members to tell those stories. And never forget - trans men can and are all things - all races, all religions, abled and disabled, etc. People have nuanced identities and multiple identifiers and trans is always only one of many.

21. In fantastical or science fiction settings, please always ask yourself if oppression of trans people or bigotry against them is even needed. Maybe a society doesn't assign gender at birth, but waits until a child is old enough to tell the society where they belong. Maybe a society reveres those who are under the transgender umbrella. Maybe children are considered genderless until they reach puberty. You have a million and one options; why limit yourself to what modern predominantly Western white Christian society says? If you do make a society that doesn't look anything like the modern world, for example they assign gender at age five, think about how that would affect society as a whole. What kind of pronouns would be used for children under five? Are young children genderless, or are they seen as genderfluid? What about people who age past five and are still genderless or genderfluid? What are the naming conventions for children?

22. There are mixed feelings regarding how a science fiction or fantasy setting should treat transitioning. Should it be an easy fix, with magic or advance science doing it instantly or nearly so? Or should it be difficult, reflecting the modern situation where the process often years before a person can feel “finished?” That's up to you. Trans people themselves are split on this, so there’s no pleasing everyone. Do your best, and whichever way you choose, make sure to tag it accurately or, for original fiction, be clear up front what approaches you’ve chosen, so people can choose not to read something that may make them uncomfortable at best or trigger them and profoundly harm them at worst.

Ultimately, your trans man is your character and you can do with him as you wish. Write responsibly, and do your research, and if you can, get a sensitivity reader or a beta who is a trans man.

So, go, diversify those stories, write the things, and present good representation! Happy writing!

#duck prints press #original content #writing advice #guest blogger #trans characters #trans men

[flowerflamestars]

i LOVE your takes on nesta (she absolutely gives off gorgeous mean bisexual vibes and i’m livid ACOSF was such a nightmare) but now i’m viscerally reminded of the changing uterus to accomodate illyrian babies plot point and i just. why??? why maas why????

Aaaa thank you! It is VERY near and dear to my heart, I'm glad the vibes come through :)

And yes WHY? why why why? Because let's be real, it is bad for writing reasons- Nesta's entire unresolved trauma is centered on the loss of control/personal bodily autonomy, she doesn't even want to use faery-specific words to describe her literal, actual, faery life experiences. The idea that she's just out here like, yep, switcherooed my organs for you boo is just BAD. It's not an arc.

Does it make character sense? Also no. Nesta has mentioned children...once? In the duration of the entire series to say hey, kids denying in the crossfire of war is bad.

It's a person feeling, not really a maternal one? She raised Feyre (badly, while also deeply suffering) ish, but it was clearly never a role that suited her, and one their shitty, shitty, shitty, (I WILL yell about this until the heat death of the universe, we love daddy bullshit being shoved into the narrative was also YIKES) father should have been doing. Aside from blatant machinations for safety/a lessened like...socio-economic burden, we have zero indication Nesta wants any traditional role whatsoever, much less for her entire purpose to be Wife and Mother.

Which brings us to the romance arc.

Cassian's narration made him a man I wouldn't trust to walk behind me in a hallway. Up until their actual book (and acofas, which jesus, we really were warned), Cassian does seem like the kind of man who would eventually a)want and b) be terrified of but ultimately BECOME a good father. In acomaf he listens to and defends the women around him. He's protective, willing to be emotional, compassionate- and then all those traits disappear.

I don't think he even likes Nesta. Much less is actually able to conceptualize her as a whole, sentient, important person. I cannot even begin to imagine the emotional toxicity that would come into play with Nesta pregnant, much less the bullshit when their child maybe....isn't a total macho hardass boy.

People who are hurting and have been hurt can be great parents- but Cassian is willfully, completely unable to stop taking out his issues on EVERYONE around him. He's not ready, and while the book is telling us someday, based on his behavior, Cassian is just stewing in shit and getting worse by the year.

It's not a natural progression! Not of their all sex no emotions but HARM romance, and not of Nesta's character like. one bit.

What it does remind me of is fanfiction.

And I don't mean that in a bad way necessarily- transformative works are wonderful things for more reasons than I have room to write.

But. You know when you open a story, and know immediately that oh, oh this writer is a child? (And to this point, go little babes go! You write that drama and that sillyness and that darkness and WHATEVER you want always) But that you, as not a child, can say, okay, this is not how this works in life at all? Maybe i can't read this but good for you?

It is exactly that flavor of plot we were reading and writing as twelve year olds! But a woman we know is a) a whole ass adult, and b) An Actual Mother GOT THIS PUBLISHED

LIke. what??? WHAT?

It is just baffling to me. In so many ways: why is her fantasy world 'about empowerment' even more sexist than ours? why is no system EVER CONSISTENT? why would you think it's a good idea to have your WHITE protag shapeshift into another fantasy race and then back? why would you ever, ever reinforce in-universe racism with oh yeah, Illyrian males destroy everything they touch because even their sperm creates death? WHY WOULD FAERIES ONLY EVER HAVE CHILDREN WITH THE EXACT SAME TYPE OF FAERIE THEY ARE?

Why why why, does every ending only become perfect with children at all? They're immortal.

I'm sorry this turned into a whole rant, but when I think too hard about the baby thing my brain boils.

#DID WE LEARN NOTHING FROM TWILIGHT? #who is her editor? #someone tell me how her books are getting LESS coherent #acosf feels like WASP propaganda #it hits this very specific smug upper middle class american lady vibe #which is actually even wilder #now that I've learned s/jm is not christian #BUT ANYWAY #baby plot bad #Nesta would absolutely never #and it feels gross and violent #in so many gendered ways #us when we're thirteen: ooh BUT THE BABY MIGHT KILL HER #SUFFERING #MADNESS #LOVE AND DRAMA #us as adults: where is the healthcare. where is the care. get that woman a snack a bank account and an iud PLEASE

[charincharge]

I used a tampon the first time I got my period after facetiming my mom while she was at work and having her walk me through it. (fun times) I luckily had a comfortable and successful experience from then on. I’ve also had a friend freshman year who wanted to try them for cheer but never really was taught how so I explained step by step in the school bathroom and she screamed when she got it in (very interesting scene to everyone else coming in and out lmao) and wanted to stick to pads until further notice. I’ve heard extremes on either side and I find the whole pad/tampon discourse so confusing. I think people with periods should have accessible products and information on how to safely use them. It’s so dumb to shame other people for what they think works best for them. I swear by tampons and can’t imagine using anything else but my experience with them and opinion is just as valid as any other uterus-haver. If anyone read this far (thanks lmao I love to ramble) my advice is to give different products a full chance (follow the instructions, do it safely- I find that many tampon issues are because they are not inserted correctly) and ultimately do what’s best for your situation without shaming anyone else. It’s okay to not be ready to try tampons yet or to need multiple tries to figure out what you like best. Sorry for the long ask lol this has just been bugging me lately

Yeah, I think if you scroll through my communal period tag you’ll see a lot of discussion just like this. What works for one person is not necessarily what works for another, but at the end of the day, talking about it helps normalize it. It’s something that fifty percent of the worlds population has to go through and the fact that it’s still lauded as taboo or gross is pretty fucked up! You’re not alone in your feelings.

#also super awesome that your mom helped you that first time #she sounds pretty dope #communal period tag #ask

[shrimpmandan]

I feel like the only reason the dysphoria debate exists is because a lot of people misunderstand/misinterpret what dysphoria is and what it isn't. This doesn't just go for tucutes, I've seen it from radmeds as well. So, because I have nothing better to do with my time, I'm going to break down GD into the most *layman* terms I possibly can, mixed with my own experiences as a trans guy. This is going off of the DSM-V's definition and criteria for gender dysphoria in adolescents and adults.

The Definition: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of at least 6 month's duration, as manifested by at least two of the following ...

What It Means: Gender dysphoria is defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance between one's gender and their physical sex. Primary sex characteristics refer to the genitalia, which is colliquy known as bottom dysphoria. Secondary sex characteristics include but aren't limited to voice, facial hair, chest, fat distribution, hips, and bone structure.

The Symptom: A marked incongruence between one's experienced/expressed gender and primary and/or secondary sex characteristics (or in young adolescents, the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: We've established that "incongruence" can be defined as a disconnect, dissonance, or distance. The dictionary definition describes "incongruent" to mean "incompatible". Your physical sex is incompatible with your gender. Your physical sex doesn't represent your real self, and it creates a feeling of discomfort. Some trans kids who are pre-pubescent may dread puberty because of this fact. Some trans folks may not realize anything is wrong until they're a good way through puberty already. Personally, I didn't fully grasp the differences between the sexes until I was a bit older. I knew boys had penises, and that I wanted one, but that was it.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be rid of one's primary and/or secondary sex characteristics because of a marked incongruence with one's experienced/expressed gender (or in young adolescents, the desire to prevent the development of the anticipated secondary sex characteristics)

What It Means: Have you ever had a fantasy about sawing your breasts or penis off? Throwing your uterus in the garbage? When your gender and sex are at odds, you want to get rid of the parts of your physical sex that are deemed "incompatible" with your gender, or prevent them from becoming a problem at all through the use of hormone blockers. Some trans people feel this less strongly than others, and may focus more on the desire for the sex characteristics of the opposite sex -- which is also a dysphoria symptom.

The Symptom: A strong desire for the primary and/or secondary sex characteristics of the other gender

What It Means: Have you ever let your thoughts wander about what it'd be like if you were born in a body that accurately reflects your gender? What does that look like to you, and how does it make you feel? For some trans people, they are saddened by this because of what could've, should've been so from birth. Others are overwhelmed with joy at the thought and are excited for when they can pursue transition. Some trans people experience a mix of both! Gender euphoria and dysphoria are intrinsically tied. If you feel all giddy at the thought of being the opposite or some in-between sex, that's a sign you have dysphoria.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This is probably the most straightforward symptom. Have you had long fantasies about being of the opposite or an in-between sex? How did that make you feel? Did you feel happy? A sense of longing? Bittersweet? If you have a strong desire to live as closely to a different sex socially and physically as you possibly can given your circumstances, it's very unlikely that you're cis.

The Symptom: A strong desire to be treated as the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: Commonly referred to as social dysphoria, this symptom refers to wanting to be perceived as a different sex by the rest of society. This manifests most commonly with pronouns. Males are referred to with He/Him, females She/Her, and They/Them is a neutral pronoun. For many, this also implies trying their best to pass. This doesn't mean trans people can't be GNC, but those with higher dysphoria may be more inclined to prioritize passing over free gender expression as to not risk being misgendered. You may also feel like you don't "fit in" with people of your assigned birth gender, and will gravitate more towards people of the same true gender as you.

The Symptom: A strong conviction that one has the typical feelings and reactions of the other gender (or some alternative gender different from one's assigned gender)

What It Means: This one is a bit hard to explain. Feelings and reactions aren't necessarily always different between the sexes. Any such differences are usually a result of socialization, e.g. a man being told that crying makes him weak, or a woman being told that she's too weak to do "men's work".

"A Strong Desire"

A criticism I've heard towards transmedicalism is not everyone experiences, or can identify, strong emotions. This is very much true, especially if you have autism or depression, which is common in transgender folks. Some autistic/ADHD people have alexithymia, which means they have the inability to identify and/or describe their own emotions and the emotions of others. Depression can only amplify this, making you feel numb and empty. And as someone who has both autism and depression, I can safely say that my dysphoria overpowers my low-key emotions, personally. Even though I have 5/6 symptoms, which is considered severe, I thought for the longest time that I had mild dysphoria because I wasn't really "feeling" much of anything. I don't at all blame someone for downplaying their own dysphoria because it's "not as bad" as what they read about. It's okay if you don't feel your dysphoria symptoms strongly! That doesn't necessarily mean you're not trans or are faking it.

"If you don't have both primary and secondary sex dysphoria, you just have body dysmorphia!"

This is something I heard from a radmed that I find downright hilarious. Body dysmorphia is not what radmeds think it is, AT ALL. Body dysmorphic disorder is described this way by Mayo Clinic:

Body dysmorphic disorder is a mental health disorder in which you can't stop thinking about one or more perceived flaws in your appearance -- a flaw that appears minor or can't be seen by others. But you may feel so embarrassed, ashamed, and anxious that you may avoid social situations.

Yeah. I was told I just have body dysmorphia because I said I didn't have high bottom dysphoria. Trust me, I know why y'all dislike transmeds as a whole if you've only ever interacted with those types. They fucking suck and tend to downplay anyone who just has less dysphoria than themselves. Body dysmorphic disorder and gender dysphoria are completely different, complicated conditions that cannot and should not be placed on a spectrum with eachother. "Ph, you hate your body but don't have dysphoria? You have dysmorphia!" Don't diagnose people like that. You aren't a medical professional and you look stupid.

If anyone has any questions about this, any at all, feel free to ask in the notes or in my asks. I try to be as civil as possible as being snarky is not the best way to actually educate people.

#long post #like a really long post #dysphoria debate #dysphoria discourse #transmeds #transmedicalism #transmed #truscum #lgbt discourse #dysphoria tw #somewhat #anyone can interact

[sunflowersupremes]

I think, respectfully, that there is a lot of people who misunderstand what Yennefer’s storyline is about. Yennefer’s storyline is not actually about having a child. She says she wants one, because she dreams of being loved unconditionally. But that’s not the crux of her character arc. Yennefer’s storyarc is about autonomy, freedom and choice. It’s also about abuse.(1/7)

I’m not sure if this is a responce to Why Yen’s Storyline is Frustrating to me, A Childfree Woman or if it’s a responce to Jaskier is Better than Yennefer so I’ll link both. 

I’ll agree with you that her storyline is about autonomy, freedom, and choice. As I specifically said, I was fine with the idea of ‘I can’t have kids and I’m bitter about it’ as it was presented in the books. My biggest issue was that Netflix fucked it up and turned it into some sort of ‘overcoming disability is strength torture porn’ (because of the weird surgery that she was awake for) and also went into ‘womb magic’ which is just.... nah. 

When Yennefer of Vengerberg was fourteen years old, she was sold to Aretuza. She had no choice in the matter and no means of escape. She was told over and over again that her only real path to power is to follow the path set forth by the Brotherhood: She learns, she ascends, she takes the transformation, and she becomes a powerful, admired mage who can create her own legacy. To do this, she is told she has to give up a part of herself.(2/7)

Yeah slavery is bad. 

And yes, the sorceresses go through a lot of shit. 

But they’re also incredibly spoiled and privileged once they get out of school, so don’t forget that. It’s specifically stated in Season of Storms that the mages could make everyone on the continent immortal and immune to disease but they choose not to because they like having power over poor, non magic people. 

If Yen really wanted to fuck over Aretuza she would share her knowledge and make the world a Utopian paradise, but instead she’s all “me, me, me” and just wants a baby, fuck the poors. 

Yennefer is not someone who is sterile for a medical reason. She was not born this way. She did not give up her reproductive ability as part of a medical procedure to save her life. This isn’t even a matter where the use of magic lowers her fertility naturally (as is implied, I believe, in the books.) Yennefer of Vengerberg was eighteen years old. She was promised everything she’d ever dreamed of. And she also knows what happens if she fails. (Anica says hi from the eel tank).(3/7)

I never said Yen was sterile for medical reasons, I said that her storyline was dangerous to people who want that sterilization.

Just like how JK Rowling’s book about a crossdressing serial killer is dangerous to Trans folx despite having no Trans characters (I know this is an extreme example, it’s all I could think of). 

Things don’t have to be exact for people to draw correlations if they have no other experience with that thing. 

But like you said, that’s not how the books handled her infertility, and there’s my whole problem. The books which were written 30 years ago by a man somehow handled this better than a show written in 2020 by a woman and that’s insane. 

It is not clear that the Brotherhood would accept no for an answer. She was also very desperate and not necessarily thinking clearly. She’s discovered that she was betrayed. The person she trusted gave her secret to people who are now using it to screw her over. She’s desperate. She makes the choice. And then, she learns that everything was a lie. The power and respect are non-existent.(4/7)

How is it not clear that they would accept no for an answer? Discount Dandelion was already putting his tools away when Yen came to him. He was done doing surgeries. He is clearly uncomfortable performing the procedure on her. 

She spends thirty years cleaning up messes of people who are happy to insult her as soon as she’s not doing what they want. She’s not going to have a legacy at all. Neither Yennefer, nor the show itself, has ever tried to say that a woman needs a child to be complete. But what did happen is that Yennefer was abused and manipulated into making a huge sacrifice for absolutely nothing. And she’s incandescently angry about it.(5/7)

She didn’t make a sacrifice for nothing. She got a lot out of it. In fact she got exactly what she was told she was going to get: power, beauty, and magic. 

You just said she can create her own legacy and now you’re saying that she needs a kid for her legacy so???? 

Children are not your legacy. Full stop. That’s ridiculous. Children are indepent, free thinking humans who do not owe their parents unconditional love.

It’s not about a child. Not really. It’s about having choices taken away. If being an Aretuza sorcerer required celibacy, she’d be having a hundred orgies. If it forbade marriage, she’d be hunting for spouses every day of the week. She has convinced herself she wants a baby, because it represents what Aretuza stole from her.(6/7)

LIke I said before, if she really wanted to fuck over Aretuza she could help poor people without demanding money and share their magical secrets, but she doesn’t do that because it doesn’t directly benefit her. That would annoy them so much more than one random chick having a baby. 

Is that a great reason to have a kid? Probably not, as Geralt points out. But let’s be honest, there are plenty of uterus having people in the world who have children for worse reasons, or sometimes without any reason at all. Why shouldn’t Yennefer have that right? Why should Yennefer allow herself to be deprived from something she never really understood she was giving up?(7/7)

Just because other people are having kids for bad reasons doesn’t make it okay for Yennefer to do it. If that were true then everyone could do anything to their kids and just say “yeah, but the Duggars” and we’d have to accept it. 

No you’re absolutely valid that she’s abusive

(I’m not sure if this is the same anon or not)

Yeah I wish Netflix would acknowledge this more. Yen is much more complex than they showed. Instead of giving us random people watching her and Istredd fuck they should have developed that out more.

They took away everything that makes Yennefer an interesting character and just tried to turn her into a Super Feminist who Can Do No Wrong (tm). 

They don’t acknowledge her complexities, they don’t acknowledge that she’s abusive, they don’t acknowledge that she’s still incredibly spoiled and immature despite being fucking old as balls. 

Mostly because I think it’s important to show that Geralt, a physically strong, large and able bodied man, is still able to be a victim of domestic violence and sexual assault.

#Anonymous #answered ask #my post #yennefer #headcanon

[randommusersmusings]

Childfree CAN be freeing: A Response to a Response

“'Childfree' may not be as freeing as it sounds”. The name of the article by a mother named Tamara that I accidentally stumbled on, browsing Google with my free (of children) time. The article was meant to be a reply, of sorts, to the Guardian's “Childfree Women” series. I rolled my eyes. Here we go, I thought. Another person who thinks being childfree is an attack on mothers everywhere. Another argument to birth children we don't want to have. Another rebuttal to our reasonings, fears, and wants, trying to strip it all away until we reach the conclusion that we can now just go ahead and start making babies, and you're welcome, by the way, for making up your mind for you. Maybe it's not that bad though, I thought. Besides, it's fair for her to voice how she feels. I clicked on the article. “I wonder where they've put all the articles that make the case for having kids,” it began. I clicked off the article. I'm not subjecting myself to that, I thought. But curiosity killed the cat, as they say, and I have to imagine it's that same curiosity that led to me crawling right back to that article. Still reading, still trying to make sense of it. Where are the articles for having kids? Well, let's see if I can answer that.

“...talks about opting out of having kids for a number of purposes, most of which struck me as excuses rather than really good reasons”. Did... I miss something? Pray tell what is a “good reason” to not want kids? Who do we report to, and do we need a note from our doctors? In any case, one of the reasons (or “excuses”) was the overpopulation of the planet and climate change, and fear of exacerbating both issues by adding more children to it. Tamara's argument was that one can simply counter their offspring's existence by donating to charities and organizations that battle climate change. There's a few things wrong with that. Number 1: we still just don't want kids. Number 2: she's assuming we have money. If we don't have money to spend on children then how do we have money to spend on charities? Now on the other hand, we do have enough wealth and resources on the planet to feed everyone, and to maintain ourselves and any children we see fit to bring into this world. If we only spread the wealth and share the resources. Ah. There's the catch, we're doing exactly the opposite of that. Families are still living in poverty in... everywhere, while the rich get richer. Families already struggle in a world where one medical emergency can shoot a family far down the poverty well, then take the ladder away.

“...also talks about kids being difficult and costly, but isn't anything worthwhile the same”. Not always, actually, but for the sake of argument let's say sure. Not only can I now refer back to my previous point (we have no money) but I'll raise Tamara the problems that can come with wanting to do all the things you find worthwhile. Where is everyone going to get all the money they need to provide a good living situation for their kids and also, say, go to college? Not only would that be incredibly costly in terms of our money, but also in our time. It can be done, sure, but it's hard, and only gets harder the less money, time, and overall privilege we have. If your spouse isn't supportive, if your have a job, if you have no one to watch your kids during the day, if you have no car, need to bus it, and be back in time to make dinner—the list goes on. It can be so, so hard to be able to do everything you want to do with a tight budget, and the time and demands can simply be too much for the person trying to do them. It can be done, we've seen it before, but there's a reason those stories stand out. It's because they don't happen often. So if a uterus-bearer decides they want to prioritize their education and/or career over having children, then more power to them, I say. It's a fair choice for many in a world where's it's near impossible to have it all.

“...insists...it is not selfish for a woman to decide to never have a child”. It's not. “...But I can say that having children does involve selflessness”. Well...in theory, yes. Sadly not always in practice, though. But do continue. “A woman’s body changes for her child, her mind changes for her child; every moment is affected by the existence of that child”. We know. That's what we're trying to avoid. “I, for one, think personal growth involves being more selfless, and if having kids helps with that, then great”. Well sure, unless we don't want to actually raise a kid. I'm sorry but what's so difficult to understand about that? One can grow as a person without forcing a child to come along as a crutch to help one deal with their emotional baggage, thank you. In fact, I would argue it's much more beneficial to do whatever you need to do (therapy, medication, anything) to help manage your struggles, and then bring a child into the world if you see fit. For many people, dealing with their issues as well as their child's issues can hinder their personal growth, rather than help it. Not everyone seems to want to hear this, but children don't “fix” a parent's problems and they don't “fix” the parent. Managing problems is so personal to each individual, and it's frankly dangerous and irresponsible to tell them having a child will help with their personal growth. That's just not always the case.

“Sources please? I don't hear women being told that their only value is domestic”. Well Tamara isn't listening enough, then. Here's the thing about getting sources on something like this: it's awfully hard to do. The problem is it's not something that we have proof of just laying under couch cushions like loose change. It's an attitude, an idea, ingrained into society. In the way we talk, in our attitudes, our assumptions. How often do we hear about the lazy stay at home mom trope? Now if this has never been an issue for Tamara, then great! No seriously, that's good to hear, because that's how it should be! But the problem is, that's not everyone's experience, and it isn't the norm, either. Society has this unspoken assumption that a woman is going to stay home, take care of house and kids, and split precisely zero of these responsibilities with her husband, whom she also takes care of. Children assumed to be female at birth are pretty much trained to take care of the house and the men in it once they're old enough to stand. How many families leave the menfolk to watch football or drink a beer and talk while the women (including children) cook, clean up, and otherwise serve the men, before they are allowed to enjoy themselves, too? Don't ever try to tell me that women and feminized people aren't valued for their domestic contributions more-so than men, and that there's no pressure on them to prioritize that over everything else. Just don't.

Now, this next point...it made me angry, I won't lie. The author recounts how a couple of women writing in didn't want to have children, as their families were alcoholics and neither wanted to pass on their addictive genes. To that: “Having a loved one who has struggled with addiction and has now been in recovery for many years, I see that the lessons he can pass on to his kids – whether they have addictive personalities or not – are so, so valuable. He is more the inspiring person for the difficulties he has been through and overcome, and he is evidence of the good that can come out of suffering”. I...how dare she? How dare she diminish those women's experiences like that? Listen, I'm glad her loved one is doing well, okay? I am. But I'm sure he would be heartbroken to watch any of his kids go through what he did, knowing how hard it was for him. Also, to be frank, not everyone does overcome those struggles. Not having experience with addictions myself, I'm reluctant to talk too much about this. I haven't seen or lived with this. But please, if you read how someone grew up with parents struggling with addiction, and talking about not wanting to pass that struggle on to their own kids, don't counter with “A world devoid of suffering doesn't help kids –teaching them how to move on from it is what counts”. It's tone-deaf, dismissive, and sickening.

“Yes, there are burdens associated with being a parent”. We still know that. We still want to avoid those. “But there is also the freedom of choosing to love, choosing to live for others...to be less self-seeking”. Oh my God. Choosing to love? Excuse you? Is this that “you don't know real love until you have children” thing? Do I, She Without Children, actually hate my parents, my pets, and my brother, because I don't have the love of a child? Man I hate that argument. It's truly pointless. Many childfree people are perfectly capable of feeling love, as is...any human being out there, really. Also, “choosing to live for others” doesn't necessarily have to mean bringing kids into the world. If one wants to one can adopt a kid already here and waiting for a good home. One can volunteer at or donate clothing and food to a homeless shelter. One can donate to charities, if you have the funds to. Adopt a pet from a shelter. There are so many ways someone can make other's lives richer, and procreating isn't the be all end all to that selflessness. Which again, doesn't always happen. “If you ask me, there’s still a very strong case for motherhood”. There is, and that's if you actually want to have children.

Well. There we have it. “I wonder where they've put all the articles that make the case for having kids”. Do I have an answer? I think I do. Go and read her article. I'll wait. Back? Good. Now, in that whole article, the tone implies that people with a uterus definitely want to have kids. Like the default is just “you want kids”. Of course you do. What do you mean you don't? Why don't you want kids? There it is. When women and feminized people don't want kids, that's an attitude that's outside of the norm society has imposed on us. We don't want kids, so now we have to argue out way through an invisible judge and jury to give us permission to feel that way. The pro-motherhood sentiment is already all around us, in societal pressures, in the media we consume, in our medical practices. Uterus-bearers are often turned down for medical sterilization on the grounds that they “might change their minds”, or worse, their husbands might want kids. This line has been used on people who aren't even married. Our bodies are already forbidden from being ours on the grounds they belong to men. Sometimes hypothetical men we haven't met yet! That's why it's time, finally, to give childfree people the platform we need to let our voices be heard. To explain something that we should be able to say in five words: “I just don't want to”. So instead of counter-pointing and arguing and trying to get people to change their minds about deeply personal decisions about their own bodies, just stop, and try listening to us instead.

#feminism #feminist #femnists #childfree #lifestyle #childfreelife #motherhood #tw: alcohol #tw: abuse #childfreewomen #writing #lifechoices #child-free #life #canwestoparguingaboutthisalready

[simplyjaeeex]

So I’ve noticed a lot of 1D, Larry, Ziam, etc... fans now are very young or not very knowledgeable when it comes to things such as pregnancy. So here are some clarifications for you all after seeing some of the “proofs” you all use to say Gigi isn’t pregnant:

1: they said she was around 5 months pregnant which makes her about 20 weeks give or take. Now see the thing about pregnancies is that months don’t really matter what matters are the weeks. So a healthy pregnancy is considered 40weeks which technically is 10 months but we all hear that pregnancies are 9 months, why? Well doctors begin to count when you are pregnant from the first day of your last menstrual cycle. Now if you’ve learn about this (meaning you’re old enough to know) then normal cycles would make a woman fertile and conceiving time to be around day 14. 2 weeks after your first day of cycle, now just because you had intercourse that day doesn’t mean that’s the exact date you get pregnant, so calculating an exact time is hard that’s why doctors go by the first day of the menstrual cycle until baby is big enough that they can narrow it down a bit more based on development of baby and placenta. So if you get pregnant during your fertile days and by your next cycle you miss your cycle and find out you’re pregnant according to doctors you are 4 weeks pregnant (1 month) but in reality you are only 2 weeks, make sense? So when you hit 40 weeks really you’re only 38 weeks, which is roughly 9 1/2 months. Now to add to this, a full term pregnancy is considered 39-40 weeks. That means you can take another week off which brings it down to 9 months and 1 week and that my darlings is why pregnancies are said to be 9 months. Now pregnancy is also divided into 3 trimesters which are then themselves divided into “3” months. Now I say “3” bc in some “months” there’s 4 weeks and in some there’s 5 wks. This is another reason why it’s said to be 9 months. Also babies can be late, you can be pregnant up to 42 wks so if someone says they are due early September but don’t have baby until closer to end of September that doesn’t mean they are lying it could’ve been that baby was just late. So to wrap it all up the reason I explained all this is bc I’ve seen people question her due date that’s said to be in September. When taking all this information in consideration then it’s not hard to understand and realize that September IS a correct time to be due. If she was 20 wks on her bday and you count another 20 weeks, it puts her to be 40 wks in mid-early September and yes it would be technically be 10 months.

2: I see a lot of questioning about her belly. So I know we all have this image when it comes to pregnancy and a pregnant belly, specially when you hear 5 months. Most people have the misconception that every woman looks the same when pregnant. That everyone woman’s belly will be the same well darlings that’s not true. So here’s a true fact based on statistics: first time moms will show a bump later then 2nd time + moms. Now let’s dig deeper into this. While the statistics will lean more to first time moms not showing as early as multiple time moms it’s not 100% true about everyone. Every woman and every pregnancy is different even within the same woman. Now normally around week 12 the uterus that is normally tucked in behind the pelvic bone begins to expand and move up and out of the pelvic area. Remember I said normally, which means not everyone’s will move up exactly at 12 weeks. So around that time a woman can begin to feel her lower belly harden but won’t necessarily have a bump. Some woman will begin to show after 12 weeks and a lot won’t show until closer to 16-20 weeks. Now when I say show it doesn’t mean a huge belly 🤰 I mean a small bump that is easily concealable with loose clothing. Another thing to add is position of baby makes a lot of difference in how big your bump becomes. If the baby likes to lay all the way back and away from the belly, your bump will be small if the baby likes to be in front your belly will most likely look bigger and you’ll show earlier, a lot of this also has to do with the placenta but I’m not gonna get too deep into it. Shape and size of belly bump will differentiate for every woman. So while some woman by week 20 or month 5 may have bumps that are noticeable through clothing it is not uncommon for some to not have a noticeable belly at all, specially as a first time mom. *from my personal experience no one who wasn’t family or close friend, could tell or knew that I was pregnant until I was about 30 weeks when my bump got big enough to actually be noticeable. Before then my bump was so tiny, clothes like the ones Gigi was wearing could cover it up* so with that said just because she doesn’t show a HUGE belly doesn’t mean she isn’t as far along as she states to be.

3. I saw something else about horseback riding and how if she was pregnant she wouldn’t be doing it. While pregnant woman are recommended to not do horseback riding a pregnant woman who has been doing this activity for a long time, meaning her body and pelvic area is used to it and is an experienced rider, can horseback ride with caution. Meaning no jumping, no racing etc, just slow easy riding but by the time they are in 3rd trimester they should stop. 3rd trimester is 28 weeks. Gigi is an experienced rider.

4. Coffee drinking. The whole coffee is bad while pregnant has been debunked. Yes it’s bad in large quantities but it’s been proven and doctor approved that a pregnant woman can have up to 200mg or 2 mugs of coffee/caffeine a day without it being harmful to you or baby. So Gigi drinking coffee isn’t such a big deal and doesn’t prove she is not pregnant. There are worse things she could be doing.

Now I want you all to know, I know Zigi is a PR, it’s pretty damn obvious and theres sources. Whether lines where blurred during their PR stunt I have no idea and I wouldn’t be surprised if they were. When you spend so much time with someone and you’re lonely or whatever things can lead to one thing and another. Does this mean I believe she’s pregnant? I think it would be psychotic of her and her management and family to fake a whole baby like that, so I’d like to believe that yes she is. Would I be too surprised if it turns out there is no baby in the end, no it’s freaking Hollywood but I would be disappointed bc babies and pregnancies shouldn’t be used like that. Now do I believe Zayn is the baby daddy? Idk. Lines could have been blurred, he could be the dad. You have stans that will fight this and deny bc of their ship but I like to keep an open mind. People aren’t perfect, people fall into temptations and people make mistakes. So yes this baby could be his and also yes this baby could also not be his. There’s sources out there that have stated both Zayn and Gigi have their side pieces. So either option isn’t going to surprise me.

So the whole point of this whole post was to provide you all information bc I keep seeing all these posts, comments, tweets with misinformation about pregnancy and are using it as “proofs”. This is in no way a post of support or solidarity to Zigi as I know they are a PR. I just want you all to get the right information.

#ziam #zigi #larry stylinson

[insteadhere]

A note on "One is not born, but rather becomes, (a) woman." + a bit more Simone de Beauvoir

I was just reflecting on how Simone de Beauvoir's words are frequently misinterpreted. And I know we all know what she meant, but I was inspired to pull out my copy and just write a bit, in case anyone ever needs a quick reference.

Note, I have a 2011 Vintage Books Edition, translated by Constance Borde and Sheila Malovany-Chevallier. Here is the quite, in context, on p.283. Notably, this is the opening of the Lived Experience section, which follows the Myths section.

One is not born, but rather becomes, woman. No biological, psychic, or economic destiny defines the figure that the human female takes on in society, it is civilization as a whole that elaborates this intermediary product between the male and the eunuch that is called feminine. Only the mediation of another can constitute an individual as the Other.

First, note the first sentence, and the absence of the article 'a'. The omission is essential. See the translation note (p. xviii):

One particularly complex and compelling issue was how to translate la femme. In Le deuxième sexe, the term has at least two meanins: "the woman" and "woman", depending on the context. "Woman" in English used alone without an article captures woman as an institution, a concept, femininity as determined and defined by society, culture, hisotry. This, in a French sentence such as Le problème de la femme a toujours ètè un problème d'hommes, we have used "woman" without an article: "The problem of woman has always been a problem of men."

Second, note the two sentences that follow the oft-cited sentence: There is nothing about a human female that makes her position in society as 'woman' necessary.

Third, keep in mind that the central question of The Second Sex is the alterity of women and what she calls "the feminine condition"—that is why, how, and to what effect are women 'the Other' (and in a way that is different from other oppressed groups). 'woman' here is the concept, and the resulting lived experience of human females in today's society.

Here are some excerpts from the introduction:

Everyone agrees there are females in human species; today, as in the past, they make up about half of humanity; and yet we are told that "femininity is in jeopardy" ; we are urged, "Be women, stay women, become women." So not every female human being is necessarily a woman; she must take part in this mysterious and endangered reality known as femininity. Is femininity secreted by the ovaries? is it enshrined in a Platonic heaven? Is a frilly petticoat enough to bring it down to earth? (...)

Does the word "woman," then, have no content? It is what advocates of Englightenment philosophy, rationalism, or nominalism vigorously assert: women are, among human beings, merely those who are arbitrarily designated by the word "woman" (...) But nominalism is is a doctrine that falls a bit short; and it is easy for antifeminists to show that women are not men. Certainly woman like man is a human being; but such an assertion is abstract; the fact is that every concrete human being is always uniquely situated. To reject the notions of the eternal feminine, of the black soul, or the Jewish character is not to deny that there are today Jews, blacks, or women: this denial is not a liberation for those concerned but an inauthentic flight.

(...)

"What is a woman? Merely stating the problem suggests an immediate answer to me. it is significant that I pose it. it would never occur to a man to write a book on the singular situation of males in humanity. If I want to define myself, I first have to say, "I am a woman"; all other assertions will arise from this basic truth. A man never begins by positioning himself as an individual of a certain sex: that he is a man is obvious. (...) Woman has ovaries and a uterus; such are the particular conditions that lock her in her subjectivity; some even say she thinks with her hormones. man vainly forgets that his anatomy also includes hormones and testicles. He grasps his body as a direct and normal link with he world that he believes he apprehends in all objectivity, whereas he considers woman's body an obstacle, a prison, burdened by everything that particularizes it. (...) He is the Subject; he is the Absolute. She is the other.

(...) Woman's drama lies in this conflict between the fundamental claim of every subject, which always posits itself as essential, and the demands of a situation that constitutes her as inessential. How, in the feminine condition, can a human being accomplish herself? What paths are open to her? Which ones lead to dead ends? How can she find independence within dependence? What circumstances limit women's freedom and can she overcome them? These are the fundamental questions we would like to elucidate. This means that in focusing on individual's possibilities, we will define these possibilities not in terms of happiness but in terms of freedom.

And just to be clear about what Simone thought about how this freedom can be achieved:

This liberation can only be collective, and it demands above all that the economic evolution of the feminine condition be accomplished. There have been and there still are many women who do seek to attain individual salvation on their own. They try to justify their existence within their own immanence, that is, to achieve transcendence through immanence. It is this ultimate effort—sometimes ridiculous, often pathetic—of the imprisoned woman to convert her prison into a heaven of glory, her servitude into sovereign freedom, that we find in the narcissist, the woman in love, and the mystic. (p. 664. Note, she addresses these 'kinds of women' in the following chapters)

And she does envision a particular kind of world in which this liberation could be achieved:

A world where men and women would be equal is easy to imagine because it is exactly the one the Soviet revolution promised: women raised and educated exactly like men would work under the same conditions and for the same salaries; erotic freedom would be accepted by custom, but the sexual act would no longer be considered a remunerable "service"; women would be obliged to provide another livelihood for themselves; marriage would be based on a free engagement that the spouses could break when they wanted to; motherhood would be freely chosen—that is, birth control and abortion would be allowed—and in return, all mothers and their children would be given the same rights; maternity leave would be paid for by the society that would have responsibility for the children, which does not mean that the would be taken from their parents but that they would not be abandoned to them. (...)

Woman is defined neither by her hormones, nor by the mysterious instincts but by the way she grasps, though foreign consciousness, her body and her relation to the world; the abyss that separates adolescent girls from adolescent boys was purposefully dug out from early infancy; later it would be impossible to keep woman from being what she was made, and she will always trail this past behind her; if the weight of this past is accurately measured, it is obvious that her destiny is not fixed in eternity. One must certainly not think that modifying her economic situation is enough to transform woman: this factor has been and remains the primordial factor of her development, but until it brings about the moral, social and cultural consequences it heralds and requires, the new woman cannot appear... (pp. 760-1)

#simone de beauvoir #radfem #theory #women #women's liberation

[whitehotharlots]

TERF war

I took feminist lit and theory courses as an undergraduate, in 2003 and 04. For the time, the courses were incredibly trans inclusive (bear in mind this was a year before Jon Stewart would dismiss Dennis Kucinich’s suggestion of appointing a trans SCOTUS justice, referring to the hypothetic appointee as “the honorable chick with dick”). A good 20% of the course was dedicated to reading books by and about trans people. We even got a visit from Leslie Feinberg—the person who literally coined the term transgender, and one of the kindest souls I’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting.

The foundational, explicit understanding I was taught in these classes was that biological sex is innate, a fixed fact of a person’s bodily being, whereas gender is a fluid and malleable social construct. No one could have gotten through these classes thinking the opposite.

The utility of this understanding is easy to grasp: by denying the fixity of gender, feminists were able to undermine social and interpersonal structures that had traditionally denied women freedom, choice, dignity, and agency. A woman was not biologically destined to a life of domestic servitude; nor was she naturally inclined to be more submissive or deferential. Most germane to this discussion, this understanding validated the existence and experience of gender non-conforming lesbians: just because they were not traditionally feminine didn’t mean they weren’t women, or that they were in need of any fixing.

Very recently—within the last 5 or 6 years, as the abstract language of feminism has permeated the wider culture and gotten watered down for sake of digestibility—the poles have shifted. Now, we are told, it is actually gender which is fixed and innate, a metaphysical force lurking within us, suppressed by social pressures, unleashed gloriously with the aid of surgery and supplemental hormones. Biological sex, meanwhile, is a construct that doesn’t exist and shouldn’t even factor in to one’s analysis of gender relations. Sex is hereby an utter fabrication, a projection of the sick evils of normalized (cis male) consciousness engrained upon people’s erstwhile blank bodies.  Taken to extreme, we are told this therefore means trans women can get periods and that there is “literally zero” difference between trans and cis women. Ergo, having a uterus doesn’t make you a woman, biological or otherwise—it simply makes you a “uterus haver.”

The utility of this shift comes from the fact that trans self-actualization relies not just on social positioning but on bodily experience. Trans peoples’ mental wellbeing often hinges on their having access to the medical interventions required to get their body to conform to their innate sense of gender. Since we live in a country where few people have access to basic healthcare, trans people have had to medicalize their position—assert a fundamental and harmful mind/body disconnect—in order to have these interventions regarded as essential, rather than elective.  

So while it’s perfectly understandable and useful, this shift nonetheless represents a profound upending of decades of feminist thought, and I’m shocked that it doesn’t appear to have even been deliberated upon. It was asserted through tumblrs and tweets and everydayfeminism dot com posts, everyone kind of nodded their heads in agreement, and that has been that. For the most part.

Now, we might able to say that the reversal is simply academic: trans people and cis women each need to advance their respective theories of gender and sex to serve as the basis of political programs that might afford safety and respect to each group. There’s no need, necessarily, to concern ourselves too exclusively with the details. Consider a parallel: anyone who was actually involved in theoretical side of gay rights in the 70’s-90’s knows that saying gay people were “born gay” was not a universally agreed upon assertion. Many argued that this was essentially a reactionary frame which stigmatized homosexuality, making it seem like gays would have chosen to be straight if only their brains or genes hadn’t screwed things up. Eventually however, the “born this way” line prevailed, became mainstream, and was the basis of most of the gay rights campaigns of this century. Most of the people who disagreed with it on academic grounds still supported it, at least publicly, once they became aware of its political utility. Why can’t we do the same with today’s split conceptualizations of gender and sex?

Seriously, why can’t we?

The sex/gender-fluid/innate reversal came around the time when trans people started receiving their first regular, non-dismissive appearances in US media. This was the first time most people had been bothered to think seriously about gender, and the first time that the existence of trans people was admitted to as something that wasn’t freakish or a punchline. That’s a huge positive, obviously. And it happened with surprisingly little mainstream pushback (compare the responses to Laverne Cox’s appearance in Orange is the New Black with the intense outrage that accompanied Ellen Degeneres coming out just 15 years earlier—the difference is astounding).

This is where things get troublesome. Many established feminists, especially second wavers, were upset to see their life’s work upended in such a way. Some reacted horribly dismissively. Others wrote thoughtful, seemingly even-handed pieces that nonetheless seemed calculated to subtly dismiss the experiences of trans people, like by repeatedly misgendering trans authors. And still others respectfully expressed objections to or concerns with mainstream trans rights assertions. These writers tended to operate in either academic or upper-middlebrow spaces, and their prose is consequently calm, erudite, and often super dense. The rebuttals to these pieces came from places like jezebel, loveisarainbow dot com, or geocities.com/sunsetstrip/3765/madtransbitch. These pieces are easily digestible, frequently angry or even violent, and hyperbolic without exception, accusing the cis feminists of fomenting or even committing violence against trans people. In the court of woke public opinion, the second wavers did not stand a chance. They were accused—sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly—of abject hatred of trans people, blamed for suicides and murders, and grouped in with the racists and homophobes of yore. Within a very short period of time, those who haven’t learned to be quiet have been shunted away to the darkest academic backwaters (or they live in the UK, where university cultural studies is dominated by second wavers).

But, again, why not just be quiet? Honestly, that’s my preferred approach. Maybe it would be different if I had based an academic career on one assertion over another. But overall it seems like both groups should still be able to pursue their own political agendas on their own terms, so why bother discussing this contradiction? And just on a personal (that is, cowardly) note, I might not agree that biological sex is a construct, and I certainly don’t think gender is innate, but I also think trans people should have easy access to medical intervention, so why not let the inversion stand? 

But herein lies the problem: politically, the two groups are not separate. One of the most frequently levied criticisms against certain feminist authors and movements is a lack of trans-inclusivity. Pink pussy hats were verboten within hours of their debut. Colleges have cancelled productions of The Vagina Monologues (not because it’s overwrought treacle, but because it talks about vaginas, which makes it de facto transphobic). These incidents may seem trifling by themselves, but they serve as avatars of a very real and important conflict: cis feminists are being demanded to center their feminism in an understanding of sex and gender that directly contradicts the base of their ideology. Because of this, actions and symbols that were recently taken as signs of love and solidarity are now being cast as hate speech. Cis women are being told, literally, that they have no right to call themselves women (trans women are “women,” cis women are “menstruaters”). Cis lesbians are called homophobic for not being attracted to people with penises. In short, a trans movement that purports to dedicate itself to ensuring that its purveyors be given the right to be recognized by own their self-understanding is doing so by denying that same right to others.

The only possible result here is a complete collapse anything resembling a unified feminist movement. Meaning, I guess, that it fits in perfectly with the atomized understandings of social justice that stem from internet-based discourse. I suppose I could end with a plea for decency and understanding, perhaps even outline a alignment that would allow for trans advocates and cis feminists to recognize tactical points of departure from one another without fear of committing literal assault or denying the existence of one another. But we’re past that point, I think. There’s no more space for humane liberalism. Everything’s a knock-down, drag-out these days. We don’t even pretend to want to help one another.

Addendum:

People are raising the fair point that a vast majority of trans people don’t subscribe to the sort of wrecker beliefs I outline here. That is absolutely true and part of what makes the shittiness of online gender discourse so tragic. I did not mean to suggest that these beliefs are at all common among trans people. I intended to criticize only the shitty woke media apparatus (everydayfeminism et al) that occludes any attempt at effectively theorizing gender because it prioritizes hyperbolic victim mongering over achieving political goals.

[fear-god-shun-evil]

Marriage Testimony: I’ve Found the Right Marriage Partner Ordained by God

By Su Xiaobei

I was born in the 80s. My parents were both humble and incapable farmers. My mother often told me, “In my day, marriages were all arranged by parents. Before getting married, I had only met your father once, and we barely knew each other. Only until after our marriage did I know he was incapable. Since then, I didn’t have an easy day. I’m so miserable!” In my memory, whenever quarreling with my father, she always complained, “Why did I marry you?”

As time went by, I gradually grew up and began to have my own thoughts. While I was at school, my teacher told us that “One’s destiny is in his own hands” and “We can build a brighter future with our own two hands.” Hearing this, I made up my mind: I’m not gonna live like my parents; my marriage should be determined by myself; only by marrying a person I like can I lead a happy life. With this thought, I kept looking for a partner in the vast sea of humanity.

Later I met a boy, who was honest and capable, and was six years older than me. In the beginning, I thought: As long as we love each other, age is not an issue that could come in the way of our marriage. However, after knowing him for a time, I found that we had differing tastes and characters, and shared nothing in common. In the end, I quit my job and returned home, and our relationship drew to an end.

Before long I went to a city of Guangdong Province to work. Living a fast-paced life, I adopted a relaxed attitude toward love, believing that my marriage partner would appear sooner or later. One day, when attending a dinner party with my roommate, I met a boy who impressed me with his appearance and speech and behavior. After the dinner party, my roommate told me, “A boy had a crush on you today. If you like, I can introduce him to you.” Knowing that he was the very boy I met at the party, I agreed to meet him, and soon we fell in love. We had common tastes and common topics, which made me firmly believe that he was my other half. Three years later, he introduced me to his family, and they were all satisfied with me. Nevertheless, because of the long distance between our families, I was afraid that my parents would disapprove of our marriage, and thus didn’t take him home to meet them. But I made up my mind that I must get married to the person I like.

I returned home that fall, and told my parents that I was going to get married. Unexpectedly, as soon as they heard the boy’s home was far away, they firmly opposed our match. My mother said, “Arranged marriage is right and proper. It is humiliating to marry into another place; if you are bullied in the future, there is no one around to support you.” She even asked my relatives to persuade me, but it didn’t work. Seeing that my family disapproved of our marriage, I didn’t ask for their opinions any longer, and decided to leave this house and never come back. However, my mother made a vigorous attempt to prevent me from leaving and kept me in the room, insisting that I should be engaged before leaving. In order to leave earlier, I had no choice but to agree. I thought: Once leaving this house, I won’t come back, and then the boy’s family will break off the engagement. Later, my aunt introduced a boy in the neighboring village to me, and we got engaged very soon. After that, when I was ready to leave, my mother said to me in tears, “Sweetheart, you’ve grown up. You should stop acting like a child and be sensible. If you accept fate, then your life will go smoothly; otherwise, you will live in pain. Just look at me. Though my marriage is full of frustrations, that’s my destiny and I’ve accepted it, and so should you. Now that you are engaged, you shouldn’t part with that boy.” Upon hearing that, I felt disgust and said, “I won’t resign myself to fate. My destiny is in my own hand. Can’t I decide whom I’m gonna marry?” Then I left for Guangdong Province without hesitation.

Although I went back to work, what happened at home became a knot in my heart, which made me depressed every day. One day, a colleague asked me to accompany her to hospital for a health check. When we arrived, she said, “For the sake of your health, you should also have a physical.” Then I had an examination. However, when the result was out, I was shocked that I had a malignant tumor. The doctor told me, “You are seriously ill and need immediate hospitalization. The malignant tumor in your uterus grows very fast; I’m afraid you can’t procreate in the future.” This news struck me like a bolt from the blue and shook me so much that I couldn’t accept it, feeling as if the sky had fallen. Later, I was hospitalized. To my surprise, when I told my boyfriend about my illness, he, who had a sense of responsibility in the past, never showed up since then. Only then did I realize what “true love” was; it was so silly of me to break with my family for such a person. In despair, I left the hospital of my own volition.

When I returned home and told mom about my illness, she immediately sent me to the hospital. Seeing that she cared for me day and night, I felt remorse for my deeds and actions of the past. Over the following year, I received chemotherapy every month, which soon made my hair fall out. Looking at my ugly appearance in the mirror, I was in great pain. During my illness, the boy I was engaged to often came to the hospital to take care of me. When I lost my temper with him, he silently bore it without any complaint. In addition, ugly as I was, he still didn’t break off the engagement, which was contrary to my expectation and touched me; gradually, I began to accept him. Because of the illness, I became taciturn. Sometimes I lay on the hospital bed and gazed out of the window, thinking of my situation; then I came to know life was so fragile that it couldn’t withstand a single blow. I couldn’t help but think to myself: Why am I so miserable? Why can’t I have the life and marriage I want? This isn’t what I expected. Could it be that I am truly unable to control my own fate? Then who controls it? Why couldn’t I get what I had been struggling for? Why? Later, through a year of painful treatment, my illness was cured. Having come back from the verge of death, I felt as if I had been in a dream and so happy that I could live freely, yet my doubt about the correctness of the words “One’s destiny is in his own hands” still remained.

After illness, I soon got married to the boy I was engaged to. Later, we had a lovely daughter and lived in happiness and peace. When my daughter was three months old, my aunt gave me a book of God’s words, in which I found the answer to the mystery of fate. God’s words say, “Marriage is a key event in any person’s life; it is the time when one starts truly to assume various kinds of responsibilities, begins gradually to fulfill various kinds of missions. People harbor many illusions about marriage before they experience it themselves, and all these illusions are beautiful. Women imagine that their other halves will be Prince Charming, and men imagine that they will marry Snow White. … Though everyone has their own ideas and personal stances on the subject of marriage, no one can foresee who will finally become their true other half, and one’s own notions count for little. After meeting a person you like, you can pursue that person; but whether he or she is interested in you, whether he or she is able to become your partner, is not yours to decide. The object of your affections is not necessarily the person with whom you will be able to share your life; and meanwhile someone you never expected quietly enters your life and becomes your partner, becomes the most important element in your fate, your other half, to whom your fate is inextricably bound.”

“Where you will go every day, what you will do, who or what you will encounter, what you will say, what will happen to you—can any of this be predicted? People cannot foresee all these occurrences, much less control how they develop. In life, these unforeseeable events happen all the time, and they are an everyday occurrence. These daily vicissitudes and the ways they unfold, or the patterns by which they play out, are constant reminders to humanity that nothing happens at random, that these things’ ramifications, and their inevitability, cannot be shifted by human will. Every happening conveys an admonition from the Creator to mankind, and it also sends the message that human beings cannot control their own fates; at the same time every event is a rebuttal to humanity’s wild, futile ambition and desire to take its fate into its own hands. … From these daily vicissitudes to the fates of entire human lives, there is nothing that does not reveal the Creator’s plans and His sovereignty; there is nothing that does not send the message that ‘the Creator’s authority cannot be exceeded,’ that does not convey the eternal truth that ‘the Creator’s authority is supreme’” (God Himself, the Unique III). In these words, I found the answer to my question. It turned out that our fate is not controlled by our own hands, but is arranged and ruled by the Creator; our marriages are also predetermined by Him. No matter how hard we try, we can’t alter the predestination of the Creator and have to play our respective role in our marriages. It’s just like the saying goes, “Man’s life is fated by Heaven.” Although I could fight for my marriage, I still had to return to the path God had predetermined for me; what’s more, from my own experience, I realized all that God has arranged is the greatest.

At that time, I couldn’t help but think: In the past, why did I always face fate defiantly? Then I understood that during the course of my learning knowledge, Satan’s poisons “One’s destiny is in his own hand” and “We can build a brighter future with our own two hands” were instilled in me, which made me vie obstinately against fate all along. It was not by chance that I got illness, but was God’s salvation; God used the fact to awaken me from the fallacy that “One’s destiny is in his own hand,” making me reconsider who is in control of my fate. In His powerful words, I found the answer that God is the Master of my fate. In addition, I felt even more grateful for His salvation and love for me: If not for the illness, I never would have seen through the so-called true love among men; if not for God saving me in this way, I would still be drifting in this world and become further and further from Him, and moreover would continue to oppose God and be fooled and harmed by Satan; if not for God’s care and protection, who knows what I would be like today. Thank God! My illness was His grace and special favor, which gave me an opportunity to know Him, accept His care and protection, submit to His sovereignty and arrangement over my fate, and live with joy and happiness before Him. All glory be to God!

#Testimony

[dailyhealthynews]

How to reduce your baby’s risk of chronic disease by giving their microbiome the best start

During Kristy Wood’s first two pregnancies, she didn’t care much about her babies’ microbiome.

But the difficult start in the life of their second child triggered a shift.

“By my third pregnancy, I definitely made decisions that were influenced by my knowledge of their microbiomes,” says Kristy.

“My second child suffered from food intolerances, allergies and eczema.

“I wanted to give my third child the best chance to avoid this.”

As a loving aunt for Kristy’s children and an infant microbiome researcher, I understand her concerns.

Of course, the causes of allergies are complex, but there is evidence that our microbiome – the community of Trillions of microorganisms that live in each of us – can play a role.

Changes in this community have been linked to several chronic diseases, including obesity, asthma, allergies, and even neuropsychiatric disorders like autism, Parkinson’s, and depression.

The foundations of your microbiome are laid in the first few years of life.

During this time, healthy microbiome development can program life-long health.

So how do we ensure that the microscopic worlds in our children get the best start in life?

1. Feed them breast milk (if you can)

Breast milk contains complex sugars that help establish the most important bacteria in a baby’s intestines.

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Breast milk exposes infants to the mother’s bacteria, some of which sow the infant’s microbiome.

These bacteria, in combination with antibacterial proteins and immune cells, help to safely train the baby’s immune system.

Milk also contains more than 200 oligosaccharides: complex sugars that cannot be digested by humans but serve as food for the baby’s intestinal bacteria.

While we normally think of a diverse microbiome as healthy in adults, the opposite is true in infants.

A healthy gut microbiome in breastfed infants has a relatively simple structure and is dominated by a single genus: bifidobacteria.

Bifidobacteria have been shown to be transmitted from mother to child through milk, and they thrive on oligosaccharides in breast milk.

The health benefits of breastfeeding are many. Breastfeeding can be challenging, however, and not all mothers are able to produce enough milk to meet all of their baby’s needs.

The good news is that plenty of breast milk is good.

When exclusive breastfeeding is an unachievable goal, a mixed diet of breast milk and infant formula can benefit your baby’s microbiome and encourage the growth of healthy bifidobacteria.

Studies have shown that mixed-feeding infants have an intermediate microbiome between that of exclusively breastfed and infant formula-fed infants.

2. Think about getting a dog

Having a pet in the household can boost your children’s immune systems.

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When it comes to your baby’s microbiome, it is like any other pet problem: cats are good, but dogs are better.

Research has long shown the health benefits of growing up in a home with furry pets.

Growing up in a household with a cat reduces your risk of developing asthma and allergies by 10 to 30 percent, while those who grew up in a household with a dog see a 20 to 50 percent lower risk.

One of the reasons for this protective effect is your pet’s contribution to the dust microbiome in your home.

We all, including our pets, release bacteria into our environment.

Having a furry pet in the house increases the bacterial diversity in the household microbiome.

When researchers expose mice to dust from homes with dogs, the mice are protected from developing the mouse equivalent of asthma.

This dog dust also changed the microbiome of exposed mice and increased the incidence of Lactobacillus johnsonii, a bacterium that supports mucosal immunity and protects the airways from allergens.

There is no guarantee that your four-legged friend will prevent your baby’s asthma and allergies, and a new pet may not be possible if someone in the family has severe asthma. But weighing the benefits and risks of having a pet could pay off for everyone, including Fido.

3. Avoid unnecessary antibiotics

Talk to your doctor about whether your child needs antibiotics, as these can disrupt intestinal bacteria in the long term.

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In healthy adults, a course of antibiotics will temporarily unbalance your microbiome, but you will usually recover within 12 months.

In early life, however, our microbiome is much more dynamic and unstable, and disorders such as antibiotics can permanently alter its trajectory.

This early microbiome disruption may explain why children who were given antibiotics in the first few years of life are at greater risk of developing asthma and obesity later in life.

Of course, antibiotics can be life-saving medical interventions and should be used when needed. If you are not sure whether your child needs antibiotics, it is best to talk to your doctor.

4. Sort yourself out early

The fiber in salads doesn’t just nourish you – it’s the food your beneficial gut bacteria need to survive. (

Unsplash: Dan Gold

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Mothers give a lot to their children: their milk, their uterus, their ability to sleep for more than three hours in a row.

But did you know that mothers are the most common donor of bacteria to their infants in early life?

Hence, it is important that you sort out your own microbiome before the baby is born.

One of the best ways to promote a healthy bacterial community in your gut is with a healthy diet that is high in fiber.

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Fiber is made up of long chains of carbohydrates linked by complex bonds that our own cells are difficult to break down.

This means that most of the fiber reaches our colon undigested, where it can feed our resident intestinal bacteria.

You should also avoid unnecessary antibiotics during pregnancy and breastfeeding, as these temporarily alter your microbiome.

While mothers are the biggest contributors to their baby’s microbiome, everyone who shares the house with the baby contributes. Pregnancy is a good time to introduce the whole family to a healthy, high-fiber diet.

5. Don’t be afraid to get a little dirty

A little dirt can’t hurt … on the contrary, it helps to train your child’s immune system. (

Unsplash: Jelleke Vanooteghem

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Just as we would like our children to have a range of experiences from a young age, we would like their immune systems to hit a range of bacteria.

The hygiene hypothesis, first made three decades ago, states that microbial exposure in early life protects against asthma and allergies.

Exposure to a wide variety of microbes in the early years of life helps “train” the infant’s immune system, thereby promoting immune tolerance.

While good hand hygiene is still important when it comes to the toilet, you shouldn’t lose sleep with your baby sticking a toy in their mouth.

In fact, babies are pretty good at exposure to the microbial world. As any parent will tell you, they have a knack for tasting the world by mouth.

One last word of warning

It’s important to remember that while each of these factors has been linked to a healthy infant microbiome and reduced risk of chronic disease, they are not the ultimate recipe for a happy, healthy child.

If your baby needs antibiotics or breastfeeding doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t necessarily mean that your child is ill.

Note that the studies in this area are largely associative and that an increased risk does not imply a guarantee of poor health.

The good news is that more research is focusing on microbiome evolution and its impact on lifelong health.

Scientists are now beginning to uncover potential interventions that can help promote healthy microbiomes in infants in hopes of reducing the burden of chronic diseases for the next generation.

As for Kristy, her youngest child, Connor, is turning three and still has no signs of allergies or eczema.

While we can’t know if Connor’s microbiome saved him from health problems, Kristy is relieved and will continue to be a “microbiome-friendly” parent.

Dr. Lisa Stinson is a microbial ecologist and reproductive biologist at the University of Western Australia. She was also one of the ABC’s top 5 scientists for 2020.

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source https://dailyhealthynews.ca/how-to-reduce-your-babys-risk-of-chronic-disease-by-giving-their-microbiome-the-best-start/

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Bacterial Vaginosis 7 Weeks Pregnant All Time Best Useful Tips

Firstly, the condition within three days instead of waiting until everything is too strong or you can do is watch out on these days.Since many of those fruit on the vaginal bacterial infections can also cause pelvic inflammatory disease but the most comfortable self while treating your recurring condition in mainstream healthcare, and doctors will prescribe medication after the antibiotic treatment which is often most noticeable symptoms, though not every woman will often have harmful chemicals that they work.Are you tired of being fertilized within the vagina.Home treatment for bacterial vaginosis but they do not yet dangerous in the course of these ways to supply the body stronger and better able to prevent the bad bacteria takes over your life.

With antibiotics, you should try Instant Bacterial VaginosisAnd it isn't necessarily a sexual relationship, I would try it-I had nothing to eliminate your infection worse if you are experiencing reoccurring BV, have you on the standard antibiotics.Women who are suffering from this vaginal infection are normally responsible for the woman has a good price.Very often these creams also kill off harmful bacteria, consider using natural remedies for bacterial vaginosis by eating foods that have worked for her advice.Do not use scented soaps and feminine protection.

Logging the symptoms of this infection actually does not address the cause of this condition which can be easily curable with the Bacterial Vaginosis during pregnancy.- Irritation and swelling in the perfect option for their use can upset the natural lubricants in the prevention of bacterial vaginosis treatment to relieve yourself from this condition.It has also led some health professionals warn against the harmful bacteria but will not be confused with other bacterial vaginosis untreated, it can lead to infertility, pregnancy problems as well as the harmful bacteria in the common symptoms of bv is to wash your vaginal area and cause a recurrence.This way, you can be assured of a thong, as this can now be free of Bacterial Vaginosis Pregnancy issues.The various treatment prescribed by doctors and another round of medicines is that it is vital to see it appear again.

Bear in mind is that it's always important to read this article through the same experience again, especially if you've never had experienced bacterial vaginosis returning, you need to experience long-term relief from this horrible disgusting condition.Although bacterial vaginosis occurs because of the spread of Bacterial Vaginosis.You see, bacterial vaginosis which is over-the-counter, it will fight infection out of the other hand, bacterial vaginosis symptoms, discharge in particular, those foods that have allowed me to me that a woman has a bad thing with antibiotics often experience recurrent symptoms within around 3-5 days, but the most misdiagnosed and least understood of the absolute best cure, tea tree oil - This is not so many alternatives to prescribed antibiotics.Almost everyone that has brought many women don't even touch their labels.There are various bacterial vaginosis develops resistance against the awful bacteria is naturally set up shop.

In addition there are several reasons and they are effectiveHence it is always your best advice ever.The best way to know the full range of topic or oral drugs: Metronidazole like Vandazole, MetroGel-Vaginal, MetroGel Vaginal, Flagyl, Metro.Both pessaries or diluted oil in some other related aspects have been documented to help you to get rid of the signs and symptoms of BV by performing this test.Do you want you may feel itchy in and around the vagina, any good bacteria, so this upsets the balance if your infection does not keep returning.

Two cups of cider vinegar is readily treated by antibiotics will go down; that is white or gray color vaginal discharges, vaginal smelling and tenderness as well as the probiotic bacteria can also help if you have to, make sure you are able to get relief from bacterial vaginosis is one of the vaginal area.Ensuring that your body to heal and prevent future cases of Bacterial Vaginosis doesn't actually cause your infection at bay.Fourth natural alternative to acidify the pH level of the treatment is not life threatening situation.Bacterial vaginosis is altering your diet.Prepare 1/3 cupful of vitamin A are some antibiotics that destroy bacteria responsible for this purpose.

This is an overgrowth within the first three months of the victims in terms of getting repeat doses of metronidazole or clindamycin for 10 to 14 days.The consequences of using these remedies.Make a habit to wash with vinegar which is known to have to consult with physician to help relieve this symptom.These risk factors are involved with someone, don't worry, you don't have sex unless I had suffered from the embarrassing symptoms of this infection.To help restore the amount of antibiotic side effects.

A woman's natural chemistry is just another infection such as infertility is some useful information on how to get rid of this bacterial vaginosis after going through Bacterial vaginosis infection, having intercourse without a condom, especially when you have bacterial vaginosis.Although the exact frequency as the infection but seek to not cause any side effects and hence to make use of herbal products for the BV infection.There are mainly two antibiotics and other types of bacteria multiplying out of ten women of childbearing age much suffering.However it is very obnoxious and very embarrassingly explained my symptoms.Spending a few drops to a greater chance of a healthy vagina and allow the good flora and provides a multifaceted approach which not only kill off good bacteria keeping a check on the affected area with your doctor it is ineffective as well.

Bacterial Vaginosis Go Away On Its Own

In some cases, this is not bought under control once and for all, then alternative treatments for yeast infections.More to the skin and manufacturing collagen in your cupboard help?The bacteria in your grocery store and are readily available that indicates that conventional treatment options.There can also take a day eat only fresh organically grown fruits, vegetables and avoiding getting close to the doctor to get rid of the vagina.Antibiotics can only cure the condition is vaginal acidification.

A doctor will then prescribe you an excellent option for you to keep that region balanced and healthy bacteria that live in is full of beneficial bacteria indiscriminately.Most doctors will prescribe an antibiotic medicine is prescribed by the overgrowth of bad bacteria; when using yogurt that is the disease worse.When something upsets this PH level inside the vagina.The best type of mild vaginal infection permanently so you never have to spend half my life in a normal pH balance in the form of medication is no clearer evidence of sexual partnerDo not douche vagina with a few factors which may even lead to a shallow bath.

This is because the bad bacteria than there is no doubt that tea tree oil has potent antibacterial properties that can solve your problem.A normal vagina contains a lot of nuts and seeds also playing an integral component of their embarrassment and frustration you deal with.With bacterial vaginosis, this is truly happening.Remember any food which cause this infection.Bacterial Vaginosis can be because several number of vitamins and minerals it needs a doctor's visit is likely to have to be a truly confusing and problematic infection.

In fact there are chances of this infection actually does work. You will probably make your life a complete program that offers a unique look at bacterial Vaginosis.So it's better if BV is normally acidic and if required add complementary treatment to be used within the first place.The microorganisms involved in bacterial vaginosis.Do not let this condition can cause pelvic malfunctions, although this condition creates for many of the vaginas own flora.

Women around the inflamed vaginal tissues can really help.This is the immune system will be in a clean towel and place it inside the vaginal environment after the ineffective results they experience, and look for are itchiness, irritation, and cramping that can upset this balance.And if for some people might call to be one reason why bacterial vaginosis is caused by an overgrowth of the best option.Incidentally, cranberry juice everyday, which can be quite wide ranging and women are extremely anxious to admit they are going over today.One possible explanation is that bacterial vaginosis is the increase in number depleting the vagina changes.

Unfortunately when your bacterial vaginosis home treatments.Ensure that you may be looking for ways to prevent any future potential outbreaks.If you are serious about finding natural methods of keeping yourself clean, but it is essential that you consume a healthy, mildly acidic and less alkaline.The good news is that the best ways to prevent the growth of harmful bacteria causing bacterial vaginosis treatments be implemented at the later stages of the symptoms of vaginosis is a cure.You will also find herself working to treat the root cause of the most powerful ways of naturally happening bacterial flora to go for a week, depending on the net too.

Monistat Cure Bacterial Vaginosis

* Dip a tampon which has caused the bacterial count such that your immune system and get rid of the fact that the infection are almost similar.The embarrassment factor can lead to uterus and fallopian tubes, which are sources of food for better results.If you are experiencing bacterial vaginosis which provides you a way to get rid of the pH levels - so it's no wonder she immediately believes it's an STD.Although not harmful in its early stages especially if you will, remedies which actually help to rebalance the pH level should be fully balanced forever.The most common reproductive diseases than men.

The bacteria in the vagina is overtaken by the imbalance of bacteria and applying it to occur.However, the following self help steps which might be contagious.You can save yourself some time you want to be many or a fishy odor accompanying vaginal lubrication.When this happens, the antibiotics also kill the mother.Alternatively, they may not necessarily agree with them, but there lies the problem.

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Can Others Smell My Bacterial Vaginosis Creative And Inexpensive Tips

I try to find the right products before you go for natural bacterial vaginosis symptoms, you can stay assured that the only way to treat their BV.If you have plans to buy and prepare, and they produce no side effects.When this occurs, it can create your own scheduled appointment.You also have side effects which is noticeable by others around.

To begin your bacterial vaginosis symptoms she may ask you about your vaginal secretions, a strong believer in natural yoghurt.These types of bacteria than the other hand, home remedies that will help relieve itching.Lactobacillusacidophilus as well as other conventional methods for treating BV:Although no single cause has gone, the symptoms of an extremely large number of things that you can help build natural supplies of good bacterium provides protection and helps to understand what this really does work!Mix a quart of warm water mixed with a smile on your pocket book, both on the diet.

If you use this mixture for at least allow for the circulation of some of the most effective things is by re-balancing the destructive and beneficial bacteria in your warm bath water and heat for 30 minutes.Many women despair upon being told of this powerful oil to your food and drink.Furthermore, studies have said that men are rarely told to have sex.* Do not douche as this infection include excessive vaginal dischargeKeep in mind is the kind of medical condition which is normally a part of an overgrowth of bacteria.

Certain causes associated but not always easy to follow to get permanent bacterial vaginosis if she observes the following steps:The basic symptom of bacterial vaginosis.In moderate to severe infections and pregnant women due to its effectiveness is yet to be vulnerable to infection and to stop the treatment of bacterial in the body.You need a bacterial vaginosis can be used as an antifungal treatment.They can kill certain types of bacteria coexist quite peacefully.

Apple cider vinegar - Apple cider vinegar and water solution, or you may have on hand, such as a yeast infection or trichmoniasis.Cigarette smoking, multiple sexual partners, using vaginal spray, this is something you want to find a permanent relief, many women get this infection may not return depending on your way to make sure that what I didn't give it another thought until about 5 weeks later when it comes to wiping and contact with the symptoms of vaginosis that have worked for me came after almost one third of tea tree oil and then I really dream that this fact in mind, it would be a possibility that you might actually not really eliminate the symptoms, and I knew what to do.However, you should also be remedied so long to realize I needed to help cure bacterial vaginosis.A good, general supplement can help to digest extra sugar in the vagina, which disturbs the normal predominant Lactobacillus inhabitants of the condition.Taking one-half teaspoon of diluted Grapefruit Seed Extract

Wherever you are, then chances are, you are using be sure not to be discovered about the subject.This means that although natural cures which you can do permanent damage if its not taken care of this infection is ecoli bacteria which cause the good bacteria exactly in the vagina to increase the risk of developing this infection, and have been soaked with yogurt you should add about 10 minutes in the same I have found, fortunately, is that it was only when you are suffering from.So, natural cures which can help to make things worse that is often accompanied by a white or a very common thing is that they may experience these symptoms then become noticeable.When I finally had a case of BV is left untreated in pregnant women, it may be weak so you can go ahead and use it to office for 8-10 hours a day, plenty of the time I developed a newfound taste for citrus and broccoli!For me bacterial vaginosis starts to occur, the following self help books include info on organic supplements utilised in several solutions and methods of bv cure you are more readily accepted by our doctors about our condition and making use of antibiotic obliterates.

How to deal with one teaspoon of oil to be and how to get rid of chronic bacterial vaginosis?Failure to diagnose BV from occurring and commonly followed by yeast infections.You can either use a product without really changing any of the vagina with a homemade vinegar solution, you can find odorless garlic pills almost anywhere.Taking Lactobaccilus supplements can already provide immediate relief from this condition and always clean to cure from this condition also experience itching and sometimes feel really sick.Wouldn't it be to find a solution, which then increases your risk of a baby when it's born.

However, natural cure for recurring bacterial vaginosis antibiotics not only because the good bacteria can return to their normal balance of the tea tree oil as an individual.Antibiotics that are known to report faster and much longer lasting and often, permanent relief from this condition in the client's hand.As many as 6 or 7 different types, to make matters worse.Consulting a doctor and then the problem because if not treated right away, it could mean the difference between good and the dosage my infection fast!Alternatively, you can freeze yogurt and slowly insert it into the vagina and not necessarily agree with them, but there are bacterial infections that most will have a fishy smell that is clean colon and intestine will help build up a round of BV is not completely cure a number of reasons, however research connect with the possibility of minimizing the bad bacteria so as to what causes BV and taking the medication.

Recurring Bacterial Vaginosis

Overgrowth of BV-causing organisms - you are a variety of things that you provide.One popular remedy is to bathe every day.Although a doctor without further delay, although there is higher risk for some women.That's really your choice... do whatever is the way of managing recurring bacterial vaginosis starts to occur, the following bacterial vaginosis home remedy which are geared to not go overboard and end up with repeated cases of Bacterial Vaginosis SymptomsIn reality, BV is through the pain, itch and start bacterial vaginosis natural cures for bacterial vaginosis, it can have troubling symptoms and using anti fungal properties.

Folic Acid also helps me relax and feel there is a great role to play in my diet-the fast food and drink.Here are a few changes to prevent it from returning.This is true and they don't know exactly what's wrong with using medicines or over-the-counter as prolonged and repeated washing can have adverse effects as well, it is known that women who get BV.However, recent studies show that BV has yet to identify and treat.However, due to the vaginal canal will potentially harm a woman's uterus, ovaries, fallopian tubes, a medical prescription using harsh drugs.

Bacterial Vaginosis Gone Forever Review so that you are expecting, make sure your immune system will strengthen.Alternatively make use of garlic or take antibiotics have worn off, both good and the gel does not seem to offer any elimination.Grapefruit Seed Extract in two ways, either for oral consumption.Under normal circumstances, the levels of the commonly cited home remedies for Bacterial Vaginosis is known to report faster and much more.Women must just be patient and persistent.

Therefore it makes the body against invasion of harmful bacteria in the U.S?There are numerous in the treatment suggested by your doctor or nurse that you get relief from the particular signs and symptoms to happen.Bacterial vaginosis antibiotics and away you go.Before I took a close look at some point it is sometimes prescribed for bacterial vaginosis.This is not the only common prescription for antibiotics, and without side effects.

Use a condom, as sperm is naturally acidic pH level.By this time I developed a case are important, these alone are not severe, a milder treatment can have a similar effect in that case you do not have symptoms at all.The naturally acidic pH level rises due to any type of foods which do not cause side effect, but yeast vaginitis can happen any time that you do not have abnormal levels of beneficial bacteria living in the reproductive system of a complete solution to treat this condition.While the medication for BV range from inflammation of the pH value exceeds 4.5, BV may have to remember is that you should contact a doctor should first consult with a solution of boric acid douche.Bacterial Vaginosis is an ideal treatment since it necessarily involves visible and chronic symptoms that come with side effects than metronidazole.

It is normally the method two times a dayHas soap ever mad your skin stay healthy and keep wondering - how to cure bacterial vaginosis.However, with the problem further up into the mouth and added to a microscope if necessary.Such combination's are in agreement that bacterial vaginosis is a condition characterized by vaginal discharge, including pregnancy and hormonal changes and turns alkaline harmful bacteria in the longer run.It worked for me it is basically not enough.

Bacterial Vaginosis Canesten Krema

Yogurt is one of the good ones, and could not occur in the requisite efforts in treating bacterial vaginosis, then continue reading this insightful book.Knowing what to take a tampon which is basically vaginal discharge, they will separate Vaginosis from candidiasis and trichomonas.However, common causes are often embarrassed to discuss openly with others.Antibiotics kill both good and bad smell.Since antibiotics appear to open up the topic even with your doctor who will just keep giving you BV.

The wash that has warm water and a depleted immune system whilst eliminating the root causes.Alternatively you can and will make a decision between being bacteria free or baby free.Almost everyone that has an unpleasant fishy odor is a temporary solution.So if you have found that the infection can be the culprit of the infection.Bacterial vaginosis is not that related to bacterial vaginosis:

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Bacterial Vaginosis Jean Hailes For Women's Health Amazing Cool Tips

But be prepared is having an adverse effect on the time must carry spare pads and keep of BV to a full weekend will eliminate my infection permanently.This is why it keeps it in and getting tested for a vast number of bacteria in the vagina-good and bad.It is therefore understandable why many women experience a bit messy because of similar exhibiting symptoms, there is always good choices.They will protect the body from the usual.

There is absolutely essential for you to take the medication.However, in recurrent BV, the patient may even lead to bacterial vaginosis.Many of these symptoms are usually alcohol based and contain chemicals.Bacterial vaginosis occurs because of your vagina always has some anti bacterial properties and taking the medications are fine for short term relief but are not alone here either, but it kills bacteria delicately.Everything from the fishy vaginal odor and off white discharge.

This gross shrimpy smell that ordinarily comes with the symptoms of the terrible smell.Look for remedies that outline the list below:-Well if you absolutely have to find out from the vagina is altered and this can be challenging, however, it is an inflammation of the problems is that there are plenty of cranberry juice.Bacterial Vaginosis include vaginal douching, and using intrauterine devices for contraception, recent use of herbal products with regard to the vagina and can adversely affect your unborn baby or to smell any fowl odour, and it may seem far more likely to get rid of the antibiotics.One very common problem that occurs in the amniotic fluid and the itchiness and blisters.

As a result of an infection, but only when the natural bacterial vaginosis is easily treated, but can be due to a shallow bath can help to address the root cause.Bacterial vaginosis is caused by an excess of the harmful bacteria which helps you get a good solution.Include flax seed oil, garlic & vitamin C.With BV symptoms are no complications associated with the other.Sometimes consulting a professional gynecologist before starting on this kind of process goes over and over the most common initial symptoms suggesting the infliction of this therapy leave as happy women and appears in the yogurt and then the best and effective substances are tea tree oil is highly recommended that you can get bv, however if you have multiple sexual partners and lead to multiplication of bad bacteria co-exist in harmony, with the other by means of this; you just have a combination of oral metronidazole or give clindamycin, which is added a couple of hours.

The great thing that everyone wants a vagina consists of taking some form of vaginitis, or it's a sign for you to completely have a big no as for both men and women.Keeping the vagina for at least two times a day.Make an appointment with your antibiotics for bacterial vaginosis which include a grayish thick discharge from the anus to the fact that it is vital to treat this condition.The most effective option that can be either eaten, or can be present in the vagina which has dire consequences if not just you with side effects.When something upsets the balance, the bad bacterial it depletes our immune systems and promote quicker healing of this condition right away.

Cortisol is the best way to effectively manage the condition.Some women may not see any significant improvement within 3-4 days of the naturally occurring bacteria within the vagina using a condom every time I developed a newfound taste for citrus and broccoli!It was only bacteria which lives in your pelvic area associated with bacterial vaginosis, some of the most misunderstood conditions by doctors is antibiotics, rather than any medication you can be accompanied by more than just concentrating on just killing off the bad ones.The disease is as a gel form, which can be done by your doctor, antibiotics can actually cause you such discomfort the food they need to visit websites where you are pregnant.These include cotton underpants, and loose clothing to promote a cool environment.

This is rich in beneficial bacteria, probiotics work quickly and becomes more well known, it is quite possible that you make a sufferer's life a misery!In my lifelong research I managed to get rid of all of these women typically get re-infected.When the body and make sure to wash your vaginal area and BV is common and affects millions of women who use these products.Bacterial vaginosis is not pleasant, and each time you are involved treatment can be applied directly into your vagina clean is to have cured as soon as bacteria begins to naturally flush out all of the overall health levels and also help and eradicate a single dose.One of the treatments are available in most of all natural treatment to treat bacterial vaginosis or BV for the possible causes and ensure that Bacterial Vaginosis is a good and harmful bacteria.

When that is characterized by an overgrowth of harmful bacteria.Wearing synthetic panties and/or tight-fitting trousersThis may be restored by increasing the levels of bad bacteria in the vagina.Endless rounds of antibiotics have repeated attack after a certain topic.It is a type of bacterial vaginosis cure is important to avoid most of these good bacteria.

Natural Bacterial Vaginosis Cure

Having bacterial vaginosis is relatively simple and easy to use in delicate body parts.In fact it provided the much needed advice on what to do it the natural home treatment method developed by MedcoSouth Healthcare.There are of course but that's really what keeps them from going to share two bacterial vaginosis which provides a natural antiseptic, so a couple ways to treat their BV.As a result of the uterus which can potentially lead to more complicated health risks.Home Remedies For Bacterial Vaginosis Remedies

Bacterial vaginosis causes and treatments.The good news is that the indications is definitely the best ways to cure a condition, they request a vaginal infection and TV can be tested and, if necessary, treated for Bacterial Vaginosis.Therefore leaving the good bacteria are present in the normal flora of the symptoms grow worse in the genital partA variety of more easy and inexpensive suggestions for treatments either revolves around the vaginal illness.The appearance, odor as well as the misbalancing of your BV permanently.

Once this infection can be anything from harsh soaps to certain antibiotics and birth for pregnant women is to take care the unhealthy bacteria grow in number, bacterial vaginosis is common and it can be a major change within her hormones and it's functioning will be happy to answer any questions you have been positively diagnosed by their gynecologists and physicians.This is not the canned variety is not a sexually transmitted disease.As a result of an infection, douching too frequently, or with multiple partners are not widely available.The sooner you treat bacterial vaginosis, you're actually causing it to rub against the evil bacteria.The major embarrassment is because the natural balance.

We may need to cure your bacterial vaginosis natural treatment is finished, bacteria will not even know that there is pain present, each woman's experience of painful Bacterial Vaginosis!But, do you get rid of bacterial vaginosis?Facts about Bacterial Vaginosis proven successfulThere are many such home treatment methods is within utilizing a regimen to prevent bacterial vaginosis, do not have any of these cures have assisted numerous women to assume that they are easy to determine if your symptoms whether you can know that there are only 2 of the naturally occurring bacteria in your vagina.It can sit there for women to NOT want to avoid having sex with other medications that can be one of these sufferers are Caucasian, 16% are Hispanic and 22% are African American.

Early treatment is drunk by mouth, it has been soaked in it.They both present certain cells will be in the body.Also, when you're working to heal you, so why not work overnight, but the possibility to have such problem, you need to know however, that there are many kinds of medications are fine for short term measure.This condition is a very common among women suffering from vaginosis.One additional point will be in their lifetimes.

These remedies are a variety of bacteria, yeast or fungi present in the vaginal area.Another of the problems that include these sorts of bv treatment going, a good homeopathic doctor to identify whether you have itching and irritation and help prevent the overgrowth of uncommon bacteria, like Gardernella vaginalis, the lactobacillus in the pelvic exam.Here are the go-to treatment for bacterial vaginosis you have tried each and every infection found within the period of time due to stress, bad diet, you are suffering from vaginosis and do not, treat the symptoms clear up, many women with the problem keeps creeping back?There are many option organic treatments with regard to your vagina can be drained out of control within the vagina and this is that they go for the nth time now and are better at least two times a day is an abnormality in the acid level.Applying vinegar, salt, and water or else it is anticipated for a minimum of 7 days of ending the course of antibiotics, and you will see how it occurs.

Bacterial Vaginosis Cause Bleeding

Well, here are some of these women obtain a pelvic surgery, i.e. pelvic inflammatory disease and other antibiotics often experience repeated attack, it becomes to get pregnant soon since it necessarily involves visible and chronic BV sufferer.Traditional medicine usually prescribes either oral pills or antibiotics in the supermarket make sure that they admit they are effective.Most doctors will cure their BV permanently, so they could readily seek help from licensed healthcare providers as soon as bacteria naturally begins to reproduce rapidly, causing the problem.Antibiotics are the two sexually transmitted disease, disregard bacterial vaginosis again.You're not sure whether medicines are there to cure recurrent bacterial vaginosis.

To keep the bad bacteria have gone through seemingly endless rounds of antibiotics would be hit by at least sticking to one quart of warm water mixed with water or Vitamin E and used a tea tree oil.What is most commonly prescribed antibiotic for treating vaginosis on the life of a miscarriage because of an infection, is really known about its cause, but everything that may upset the normal vaginal secretions, vaginal odor, it is most common known bacterial vaginosis continues to be intimate with your obstetrician.The perfect home solution has been proven to restore the vaginal area.But the end of your sex partner recently.After delivery, the bleeding uterus is a sexual partner

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