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#wasn't even fully conscious of
kirbyddd · 4 months
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ok that was a new one
#trying to fall asleep half falling asleep and then instantly waking up in a cosmically dissociative state#that was not ok. it can't start happening to me without an adverse reaction to treatment ...#i can't remember when the other time in my life i experience a similar thing was....#one part of the brain fully awake but an entire other part still asleep and the rest conscious without it (NOT supposed to happen)#hellish stuff maan not ok not ok#i looked at my hands and recognized and understood them... but also recognized and understood the arbitrariness of their shape and number#and of the form of my mind and perception and place in time and errything.#cmon man you're only supposed to do that to people on random drugs not overstressed ppeople tryin to frickin sleep 😭#fuckin worst anxiety attack in a long LONG while fuckin hell.#i had to walk and wait for the rest of my brain to wake up and start perceiving so i could fuckin have the rest of my human context back#like where do you even hide man when the rest of your mind isn't there to run back to. it's like being stripped under the eye of sauron#the zones of my brain are too frickin detached and desynchronized i need to be neurologically sewn back together#i experienced temporary (~hourlong in ebbs and waves) broca's aphasia at treatment the other week. wild. and not ok#im gonna try tms again i think. it wasn't a silver bullet for me but it did help repair my cognition and memory and coherency for a bit...#til i lost it again at least#i miss josette. i played her game when rising on the brief crest of tms before my exhaustion started outweighing the few improvements#I'll revisit josette and sedona blue if i do that treatment again. J1 is too much of a slog to replay but J2 is a timeless precious gem#tms is so painful though it shocks my neuralgia#but im desperate i guess#ahahaahhh i need helppp. i ain bin this screwed since 2020 i think
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I think the disconnect between canon Belos and (a certain genre of) fanon Belos is that in canon he is pathetic (in the dramatic sense) not sympathetic.
#ramblings of a lunatic#like that's the thing he's a tragic character in a sense but he's pitiable in the dramatic sense more than anything else#you pity his codependency and his hypocrisy and his refusal to ever change and his borderline stupidity#(like I get it he's good at machines and hes good at manipulating ppl! but his plans are also kinda stupid and that's on purpose)#(he is a conservative he is charismatic not machiavellian)#but you fully understand that his refusal to ever grow or learn (which is the crux of his. Everything) is his fault#i don't know man I'm just kinda over the fandom conversations around Belos after watching and dreaming#even if it wasn't my first choice or instinct I've made the effort to understand why the writers did his ending the way they did#and i see their pov and I've decided actually. yeah i can see how that works#bc fundamentally while a very important character philip has never been the crux of this story#it has always always been Luz King and Eda. and the amount of ppl who are. deeply pissy about that fact#idk man i don't consider myself like. knowledgeable and conscious enough to accurately identify white bias in fandom#and I'm fully aware that fandom is not praxis and it's generally shitty to insist ppl spend more or less time on certain aspects of media#as if fandom is about filling quotas for HR#but also i can't ignore the fuckin. itchy feeling that ppl really took this man at his word when his main character trait is being A Liar#all bc he's a white guy with long hair#he's cool! i like him! especially now that i remembered the vocabulary featured in this post! i have words to describe my feelings on him!#and also none of this matters bc He Is Not Real and the toh writers are not sniffling and sobbing rn bc some ppl think they did belos dirty#i just have ''opinionated on characters'' disease#and my opinion of philip is that he's a great villain#but ppl willfully ignore WHY he's a great villain (He Is An Interesting Depiction of a Religious Conservative)#in order to invent different and more traditionally sympathetic reasons why he's great (he's just afraid and alone and he feels bad and he)#(you get it)#okay. I'm done#Do Not Read The Fucking Tags
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luvsavos · 5 months
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(AA) hey, Mr. Martin, if you’re still doing oc asks, you mind if I ask some more? I literally know nothing (or, if I do, it’s very little) about them, and I figured you’d like to talk about them more too! So…for Lord Naasfilrah, 23? (As a god, I imagine he’s above our morals) and 29 for Shara? (What does a Shara Ishvalada even EAT?…I wonder…🤔)
i WILL get to the rest of my asks either later tonight or sometime tomorrow BUT i am in an oc mood so this one gets a special exception jgjgjv
oc ask meme!
23: Is your character morally gray or black or white?
naas is.... pretty damn morally gray; he definitely isn't as "true evil" as his brother, but he also sure as fuck isn't a saint by any means. he's very much the type that he WILL get done what he wants to by any means, no matter the consequences---though he is acutely aware of his role as destroyer, and he doesn't take nearly as much twisted pride in it as alaakiilah does; destruction as a necessary evil, is the way he sees himself. while he absolutely does not care about mortal life being caught in the crossfire of his actions, he is mindful of the world itself and tries to limit the amount of damage done to it.
29: What would be your character's favorite food?
you have NO idea how excited this specific question makes me because it's actually one of my favourite aspects of shara; hot chocolate! while their natural diet would probably be something more like absorbing energy from the earth itself via their wings (and maybe tail), they've taken a liking to hot chocolate specifically thanks to my friend @wolfoflyngvi 's oc, fenrir, who's one of the few people to genuinely consider shara a friend<3 they can fairly frequently be seen with some when in their mortal form, and they especially like it with marshmallows. they also just like marshmallows in general a lot too, they're especially fascinated by the tiny ones
#mar.txt#answered#aiden anon#oc tag: naasfilrah#oc tag: shara#shara's adoration of hot chocolate is by far one of my favourite things to have ever come out of rp for any of my ocs#in general tbh i'm very emotional over shara just like. as a whole? specifically like. how much humanity they have despite being so far#disconnected from it and not even really fully 'understanding' it#the way they consciously choose to cut their food into smaller bites before eating it in their mortal form. their adoration of hot chocolate#the way they choose to socialize and mingle with mortals despite being so socially awkward (despite being omnipotent so in theory they know#how to Not be socially inept/awkward ,they just are nonetheless)#the way they enjoy listening to mortals talk and enjoy hearing people tell them things even if they already know all of it,what will be said#what they're being told etc etc#the way they feel genuine guilt over certain things (ie everything with shang or blaming themself partway for what happened to naas even if#they know logically/rationally that wasn't their fault) despite being so disconnected from emotions they practically don't have any.....#picking up on mortal body language and mimicking it to try and make mortals feel less offput by them,especially in their mortal form......#moreover the fact that all of this is like. a conscious Decision on their end. they're Choosing to do all of this. they don't Have To,and#there's a STARK contrast between how they used to be vs the way they are now based on what they've picked up from mortals and the people#they consider their friends#i just adore them so much</3
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genderqueer-frog · 3 days
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me when I'm in my second car crash of the year 😍 I love my life
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danceandsing · 21 days
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over a year later, staring blankly ahead. oh wow i CAN distinguish the difference between what was me just being high. i did not fucking want her. i did not fucking want it.
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prozac-shaped-urn · 5 months
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friends, romans, countrymen
you know those times in life where you're fully capable of making good choices but you simply Do Not Do That and then reap the consequences of your idiocy? today i did that. i'll likely regret it tenfold in the coming years if stripe gets hacked and my whole ass government name and social security number are leaked. because i knowingly made a stupid decision today
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kellylor · 10 months
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Me, watching the last two episodes of Good Omens S2 this weekend: Ok I see why lots of people are upset, but this emotional beat is the middle of my favorite kind of romantic arc and I trust the writers. I feel completely normal about Aziraphale and Crowley.
Also me:
- immediately starts rewatching S1 but only the Aziracrow interactions
- spends two days scrolling through the ineffable husbands tag on tumblr, despite repeatedly claiming not to be interested Fandom Discourse
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chamomiletealeaf · 11 days
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Thinking about big dicked Simon Riley who knows how big he is and loves to tease you about it.
It's always a hassle to get you ready for him, his tip and nearly a whole bottle of lube stretching you out for what seems like forever just to take him.
He's very patient and smug the whole time while you whine frustratedly wishing you could just ride him already.
"Aww it's ok love, I know. We'll get that cute, tight, little pussy all stretched for me. Promise I'll fuck you baby." He coos with a smirk on his face. He loves being so big and making you dumb for his fat, thick cock.
When he finally gets himself inside you fully, you gasp and whine at the sudden feeling of your cunt sucking the rest of him in, eyes rolling to the back of your head.
He would definitely take pictures of how big his dick looks inside of your sweet pussy and how you take it so well for him.
When you can finally move, you start to ride him, finally being able to loosen up more than the death grip your cunt had on him not allowing either of you to move. You start to bounce on him and the two of you watch how his cock bulges your tummy.
He feels so fucking good stretching you out and hitting every spot no normal size dick, dildo, or your fingers ever could.
You bounce on his cock, eyes rolling back while tears roll down your cheeks from the pleasure while your cunt makes a sucking noise, sucking him right back in after pushing him out.
"Ooh yeah, that's a lot of fucking cock isn't it love. Taking it so well for me in that tiny little cunt." He praises with the most smug smirk on his face, watching as you near lose consciousness from how stupid his cock makes you feel.
Sucking him off and feeling the weight of him on your tongue is enough to soak your panties. He loves to tease you and smack your tongue and cheeks with his cock and how big it is making you moan.
When you finally start to suck him off you can barely even take it halfway he's just so thick, so you have to use both of your hands to take what you can't fit.
"Cock too big for that pretty little mouth? C'mon you can take it. That's it. That's my girl. Swallowing my cock down so good for me like that."
OR
Big dicked Simon Riley who is shy and self conscious about the size of his cock because he thinks it would be too difficult for someone to take :(
But as you straddle him on the couch, kissing up his neck and cooing at him, trying to convince him that he won't hurt you and you can take it, he feels a little bit more confident.
He blushes and hides his face with his arm thrown over his eyes when he feels you pull out his cock as well as the little gasp that came from you as you realized that he wasn't lying when he said he was big.
You pull him out from his jeans and he's already hard, his cock so heavy it thumps against his tummy if you don't hold it for him.
"W- We don't have to if you changed your mind, I know it's big so I could jus-" He tries to avoid eye contact with you trying to come up with another solution on how you two can still fuck but you shush him by shoving your thumb in his mouth.
He immediately quiets and sucks on your thumb as you start to pump him.
"Shh, none of that. I can take it. Gonna make you feel good honey don't you worry." You say reassuring him, and you laugh when you feel his cock twitch at your words.
He's such a sweet boy :(
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jungwondazed · 12 days
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18+ only. / your shorts ride up as you sleep next to jungwon
(didn't proof read wrote this in a sitting bc i had this thought- will revise later)
he's a touchy-feely guy, hands always roaming your body even during your midnight slumber and there were plenty of instances where you catch him groping you.
it couldn't have been any earlier than 2am when you felt his rough hands sliding up and down your hip area. the motion similar to rubbing someone's back to comfort them, but his hands were nearing your waist and ass.
with squinted eyes you barely make out his lustful stare at the lower half of your body, and you gasp when his gaze fixates on your face.
he lets out a small laugh and leans in to make out with you, catching you completely off guard as you were hardly conscious to begin a make out session.
"i told you to stop being such a slut in your sleep" he breathes out these words in between kisses, your brows furrow at his degrading comment before pulling back to look at him.
he motions to your shorts and you notice how your panties were flashing as the fabric wasn't covering your crotch area, the waist band way past your belly button. your face heats up as you attempt to readjust and he quickly pulls your hand away, replacing your hands with his when he starts to touch you through your panties.
you whine at his contact and his mouth buries itself into your neck, fully making out with your skin in a vulgar manner. his lips are smacking and sucking obnoxiously, and it makes you feel so small and frail on that bed of his. his fingers rub hard up and down against your clit, the fabric being the fine line between getting close and barely getting started.
jungwon flips you around on your side so you're facing the other way of the room, pulling your back to his chest to rub your cunt, groping your ass all at the same time. you whimper as you can hardly keep up with his movements, the overstimulation of his lips on your neck and his fingers almost fingering at your clothed clit bringing you to tears of pleasure.
he forces you on top, your back still to his chest as you lay completely on his body. his hands spread your thighs apart, your feet planted into the mattress and he pushes your panties and shorts to the side to start fingering you.
"j-jungwon, please," you whimper out, him answering by pumping into you deeper, pulling out to stimulate your clit before thrusting in again. he finger fucks you and you lay there and take it, squeezing your eyes shut as you feel yourself coming closer and closer.
his fingers pull out too soon, and he brings you up again and has you sitting right on his abdomen. your shorts are still on as you watch him in confusion as he pulls his bottoms down and motions you to sit yourself on top of his cock.
"ride your orgasm out if you want it that bad," he groans as he thumbs your panties and shorts to the side and eases you down on his length. he stretches you out, and you can barely slide up and down at the tightness.
you bounce up and down just a bit, your knees weak from the unexpected position and sleepiness. he watches you while he lays back, fingers reaching out to play with your clit as you ride.
he was cruel for sexualizing you like this in your sleep, but you couldn't lie and say you didn't enjoy it. jungwon has this habit of toying with you, playing around to get himself turned on as much as possible to only then force you to get you both off.
his sweat glistens on his forehead as you build momentum, finally being able to slam down on him. you fuck him rough in frustration of waking you up like this and also having a point to prove.
"gonna cum j-just for you" you whimper out as your orgasm is close, and he groans out with you.
jungwon stares right at your cunt, eager to watch your cum drip down his length and he almost moans when you announce your orgasm over and over, riding it all out for him. by the end of yours he's close to his, and he fucks himself up into you, forcing you to be fucked through your orgasm and you almost squirt all over his abdomen.
"fuck, ____, fuck i'm cumming for you too baby" he spits out while gripping your shorts bunched around your waist. you feel his cum spilling inside you, moaning at the mixing of yours and his.
you collapse on top of him, pulling yourself up and the liquid spills out between the both of you. his heavy breathing is in your ears and it's the last thing you recall before you're fast asleep again.
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i-drop-level-one-loot · 10 months
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*NSFW* 'Till Death do us Part (Yandere!Parasite X GN!Reader)
CW: Sexual non-sexual penetration, forced masturbation, mind control/break, unhealthy relationships, yandere behavior, dead dove
This ended up a LOT longer than I had planned, emotionally attached to this non-human yandere ❤️
The Albtu required intelligent hosts in order to live. It wasn't just about survival. To be trapped in ones own body, it was torture. They could not think, could not act, unless they attached themselves to a living brain. If they infested an animal brain, then the only thoughts the Albtu could produce would be primal, forcing their animal suits to find food and housing for their young. But to be in the mind of a human.. it was both heaven and hell. To understand the world around them, truly understand, thinking on a much higher level of existence than their siblings or parents, to experience all that life has to offer, was a miracle they never would have known about had they not been privileged enough to be born in a human. But on the flip side to that coin was experiencing fear. Not the fear of being trapped in a deer coming face to face with a mountain lion, smelling your own demise, but listening to the horrified screams of the original owner of their new body, forever. Learning that the humans they took over were still conscious, kept prisoner in their own minds, forced to watch the Albtu living their lives was a nightmare for the creatures who had only just learned what compassion and empathy was. The existential horror that was knowing that you were nothing but a parasite, and the guilt they felt.. it was too much for many of the Albtu to handle.
For the Albtu who became the human known as (Reader), existence was a bittersweet agony it could neither explain nor fully understand.
It was born into this life in the host of a stray cat, knowing nothing but pain and hunger. It didn't understand what a car was, or why the loud creature charged at it, ramming into it and causing a pain that never went away. Everything hurt all the time, and it couldn't even understand why.
Then, one day, it met warmth. A human, with gentle hands and a soft voice took the time to earn it's trust. They didn't know it was in pain, but their touches were delicate all the same. The human gave it food, and although it didn't have a human's intelligence or concept of identity, it did feel trust and companionship with the human who cared for it as though it was their kin. But the pain grew, and it could feel it's death was approaching. And as an animal, it acted as a dying animal would.
"There you are, baby!" (Reader) called out to their little stray friend, finally finding it hiding under a porch. They laid flat on their front, arm stretched out as far as possible towards the small bundle of fur, and quietly clicked their tongue and wiggled their fingers. "Why're you hiding, baby?"
The cat gave a warning yowl, in too much pain to bat the human away. (Reader) took off their coat in an attempt to flatten their body, and squished themselves into the small space to close in on their kitty.
"C'mere baby.." The adult whined as they continued inching closer. When they finally got far enough under the porch to touch two fingers onto the matted fur of it's thigh, the cat cried out in pain. "What's wrong?!" They recoiled their hand, but only to writhe faster and more frantically towards the animal whose breathing was slowly turning ragged. (Reader) placed their face close to the kitten's, tears building in their eyes as they tried to keep their heart rate steady, hoping that the cat could feel their attempt to soothe it in it's possible final moments.
"Hey, baby... I'm here..." They whispered into the tawny kitty's pink little nose.
It was then that the Albtu's primal instincts morphed from the need to hide during it's death, to a fight for survival. It couldn't survive for long outside of a host, a few seconds at most, the transition needing to be nearly seamless. The cat howled in pain, as what appeared to be a black, semi translucent single celled organism the size of Reader's palm, shot out from it's nose, thrusting itself into (Reader's) nose before they could react, and quickly slipping through impossibly small crevices in their anatomy, slinking in a fluid like state till it reached their brain. There was an electric shock that pulsated throughout (Reader's) body, then they were no longer in control.
The Albtu became self aware the moment it took hold of (Reader's) brain, which was immediately followed by the realization of what it had done, the betrayal towards the only human who had ever shown it kindness, and the remorse caused a physical agony in it's stolen heart, screaming while clawing at (Reader's) shirt.
It howled until (Reader's) throat was burning, and it felt as though it would succumb to exhaustion next to their previous host's dead body.
Outside the neighbor's porch the sun had begun to set, but the body thief hadn't moved, too broken hearted to find the will to live after it had stolen (Reader's) body to do just that. It could hear it's own internal monologue for the first time, and found it far too loud and intrusive. Although it could feel memories that were not it's own, it didn't push further into the brain out of respect for the person it betrayed.
[Hello?]
It's breath hitched, thundering heart beat overtaking it's previously drowning thoughts. Like an auditory hallucination, it heard the human's voice, not from behind it, nor from deep inside like it's internal voice, but inside it's ear, like (Reader) hadn't been possessed, but shrunk down to the size of a flea and was hiding in the safety of it's ear.
[Am I dead?] Their voice was so sad and small it made the Albtu cry once again.
"No. No, but you are no longer yourself, which may be worse. I'm- I'm so sorry..."
[Are you a ghost?]
"I don't know what that is.."
[What are you? I can't move my body.] Their voice wasn't scared, but numb. The whole situation was so outlandish it was almost dreamlike, unbelievable.
"I have no name. All I know, is that I am an Albtu. The word echoed in my mind even when I was a mindless cat."
[... You're an alien?]
"I do not know."
[How can you speak my language?]
"I know it as it was an ability of yours, like muscle memory, you do not need to focus to speak it, therefore I can speak it."
[What does that mean? Are you inside my head?] Waves of guilt crashed into it's consciousness, and (Reader) was able to feel it. [...why me?]
The Albtu explained everything, from the moment of it's birth, hatching already inside the cat, to the moment (Reader) found themselves in the passenger seat of their own body, including why it didn't probe into (Reader's) memories. "I am so sorry.. your's is the only love I have ever felt in my life, and if I was who I am right now, I would have allowed myself to die instead of latching onto you. Now, even if I leave your body, it will leave a permanent hole in your brain, and it will kill you."
(Reader) went silent in contemplation, finally coming to terms that this was not a dream, but still unable to force themselves to be angry at the alien inside them. They could feel it wasn't lying to them, feeling it's emotions stirring in their brain alongside their own feelings. A strange excitement bubbled out of the kind little human.
[We can make this work!]
"What?"
[We can make this work! You just manually act out what I would want to do, and we can discuss how to move forward so we can both continue to live fulfilling lives.]
A heat krept over it's face, heart swelling at how kind it's human was. "I don't deserve your kindness. But I thank you, and I will do my best to help you continue live as normal."
[My name is (Reader). That's what you'll have to respond to, but I need something to call you.]
"..I can't verbalize it, but I knew you would repeat a word often to me when I was the cat. Was that a name?"
[Oh, yeah, but you were a kitten, so I called you baby. We can't name you Baby, because that's also used by humans as a nickname between lovers.]
"Oh. Then, could you name me something? I don't know any names other than yours."
That was how the strange partnership, and friendship, between the human, (Reader), and the parasite, Baby, began.
Although (Reader) gave permission to Baby to enter their memories, it refused, still recovering from the unintentional treachery it had already committed against (Reader), so instead (Reader) acted as a teacher, guiding Baby as it learned about the world. And just as they had promised each other, they made it work, Baby happily making memories of it's own as it acted as (Reader), going to work for them and helping keep their life as "normal" as possible.
"What's going on?" Baby pointed at the laptop screen, a scene of a wedding playing on the soap opera (Reader) was watching.
[It's a wedding. Maria and Alonzo are getting married.]
"What is married?"
[Marriage is when two people who love each other very much decide they want to spend the rest of their lives together, so they have a party called a wedding to show their friends and family how much they love each other, and promise to love each other forever in front of everyone they know. Ah, but sometimes marriages don't work out, and people fall out of love. When that happens they sign a piece of paper for the government to swear that they will stop living together as lovers, that's called 'getting a divorce'.]
"Why do they 'fall out of love'?"
[A lot of different reasons. Sometimes, people hurt the ones they love, and their spouse can't forgive them, which causes love to die. But sometimes, it just... happens. Humans change as time goes on, and sometimes the person they become isn't compatible with their spouse anymore; sometimes people hide a part of themselves, intentionally or not, when they meet someone they like, and it only comes out after the get married, and their spouse realizes they don't actually like the real them... It's complicated. There are a lot of reasons.]
Baby focused on the intricate ritual on the screen, the two main characters placing rings on each other.
[Those are wedding rings, to show other people they meet that they are married.]
"Do you Maria, take this man, to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, till death do you part?"
Baby felt (Reader's) awe, knowing if they were in control of their shared body their face would be pink and a large toothy smile would be uncontainable.
"Do you wish to do that one day?"
(Reader's) joy faltered, paining Baby as it regretted asking such a stupid question. [Haha, even if you were okay with me finding someone, it would make me feel a little.. uncomfortable. I'm not one for threesomes haha!] Despite their joking tone, Baby could feel their sorrow. [It's okay though, I may not ever have a husband or wife, byuy I have you! And, unlike Maria and Alonzo, there is no option for a divorce for us, so we really will be together forever.]
The parasite shifted inside (Reader's) skull, manually controlling their heart rate so (Reader) wouldn't feel how hard it would have been beating at their words. Baby knew it was a joke, but that didn't prevent their words from echoing in it's thoughts hours after the episode has already ended.
"(Reader), how do humans decide to get married?"
[When two people decide that they like each other in a romantic way, they date, and often move in together, and then they discuss if marriage is a good option for them. If they both want to get married, one of them buys the rings and proposes to the other one, asking them if it's the right time to get married. Will you marry me? Ohmigosh YESSS!]
"How do they know if marriage is a good option?"
[If they can imagine seeing themselves with each other forever, share financial responsibility together, and are capable of mature communication, I guess. It's different for everyone, but those would be my personal criteria.]
But, we will be together forever... And we share a body, so financially it will be like only caring for one person... And we have to have perfect communication in order for your life to function...
Baby smiled, wrapping it's arms around it's waist as it buried into (Reader's) bedding.
[Hey, whatcha thinking about over there, smiley?]
"You." Baby happily responded, feeling (Reader) glitch out in embarrassment.
In Baby's mind, the only thing missing was a ring. It remembered (Reader's) tenderness towards it when Baby was in that cat, and the kindness (Reader) showed each day only supported Baby's belief that deep down, (Reader) loved it. If not love, than at least cared for deeply, and one day that care would surely bloom into love.
So why was (Reader) stuttering when instructing Baby on what to say to their coworker? (Reader) was supposed to give a report to Lawrence, the serious older man in the cubicle across the office, but when Baby approached him, (Reader) suddenly had a difficult time remembering what they were supposed to tell him.
"(Reader), may I help you?" His voice was deep and stern, authoritative.
Inside, (Reader) was a mess. Baby could feel multiple conflicting emotions in (Reader); embarrassment, nervousness, shame, and something... something Baby had never felt from (Reader). It was like a heat, steaming out of (Reader's) brain and boiling Baby's real body.
"I was asked to deliver these to you." Baby spoke monotonously in (Reader's) voice, handing the stack of papers over before heading back to (Reader's) desk, hearing them sigh in it's ear. Even a simple sigh sounded as though it was a mixture of clashing mental gymnastics.
Baby kept it's voice quiet so (Reader's) coworker wouldn't hear it, whispering: "Are you okay, (Reader)?"
[... Huh? Wha- oh, yeah. I'm okay!]
Their shared heart sunk. That was a lie. Baby tried to ignore the pain forming in it's chest, forgetting that (Reader) could feel it as well. What was this feeling? (Reader) can have secrets, I've allowed them their privacy.. so why is this so upsetting for me?
[Is everything okay, Baby?]
Baby.
A nickname between lovers. It was just it's agreed upon name, so why did the name send butterflies to its lower belly when (Reader) said it?
"I'm fine with you keeping your privacy, but lying is not mature communication."
[Huh?]
Baby stood abruptly, walking out of the building, claiming to a passing manager that it was becoming ill and about to vomit, and left for (Reader's) apartment, not responding to any of their questions or protests.
It roughly slammed the door shut on (Reader's) home, barely containing it's voice until the latch clicked.
[Baby, answer me-]
"Why did you lie to me?!" It's voice was strained, the intensity of it snapping at (Reader) made the voice sound almost foreign to the previous owner.
[What..? I was just embarrassed, I-I don't want to talk about it.]
"Wrong."
[Sorry?!]
"People who love each other are capable of mature communication. So talk."
[People who-?] (Reader) steadied themselves, trying not to get upset. [I can see you're upset. Are you jealous?]
"Don't change the topic." Baby spat in a warning tone.
[Jealousy is when you get upset because you think someone has something you want, or may take something you want.]
Baby contemplated their words, but the definition only fueled it's rage. "Are you admitting that Lawrence is someone who could take you from me?"
(Reader's) calm facade cracked. [Take me from you?! I don't belong to you! You are my friend, and I care about you, but we are roommates sharing a body, not lovers!]
With that exclamation, Baby's heart shattered. What? What do you mean? You can't say that! Why did Lawrence cause such strange emotions in you, that you would rather push It away than just talk it out?! And that hot, prickly sensation Baby could sense when (Reader) was in Lawrence's presence..
"It's okay, (Reader).. Well get through this." Baby took a shaky breath, smiling in a comforting manner. "Couples fight, and they say things to hurt one another when that happens. Because humans are complicated. But I'll forgive you for lying to me. It must be a very strange secret that you have, for you to be so embarrassed to tell me about it. I'm sorry for causing you discomfort, however" a tickle in their skull was sensed by (Reader) as Baby stretched out inside, wriggling deeper into their brain, and fear clutched (Reader) at the sudden breach of trust, "if we are going to get pass your lying, I need to know the truth."
Pushing into (Reader's) memory, images of (Reader) watching Lawrence from afar came into view, memories going back years, (Reader) crushing on the older man from across the office, touching themselves while crying out his name in their empty apartment late at night, and the pain of rejection when they finally mustered the courage to ask him to accompany them to a local bar after work, only to be reminded that office romances were unprofessional, and that (Reader) should consider themselves lucky he didn't report them to HR.
If (Reader) were in control of their bodily functions, they would be viciously weeping. Turning the light on the truth, Baby was only slightly hurt at what it saw, because knowing the truth meant they could move on from this little hiccup. The only issue was, (Reader) was still sexually attracted to that man. Baby now had a name for the warmth it felt in Reader back at the office.
"Why do still like him? He turned you down. He's never going to fuck you." Baby chuckled, it's kind tone of voice creating a sadistic scene in (Reader's) opinion.
[That was evil. I can't believe you did that!]
"Don't be dramatic, love. Just tell me what I need to do to make you see me that way also."
[What way?!]
"The way that turns you on." Baby's words paralyzed (Reader), shocking them into silence. "If I make you feel good down there, will you scream my name instead?"
Baby unbuttoned (Reader's) slacks, dropping them to it's ankles before kicking them off and to the side. Gentle fingers pawed at (Reader's) most private place through their underpants. Despite not being in control, (Reader) could still feel the touches.
[Please don't-]
"I never got a good look at what's down there... I always did my best to avert my gaze for your modesty." (Reader) fought inside their own mind to gain control of their body, unable to even close their eyes as they watched their fingers disobey their pleas, slowing pulling down their last barrier from the thing they thought was their friend.
"Wow..." (Reader) had forgotten, that with gaining control of a human mind Baby had suddenly gained the ability to feel every human emotion, including arousal. "It's so cute!" Baby could barely contain itself, running (Reader's) fingers over their sensitive areas so softly it tickled, sending shivers up (Reader's) back.
[Please stop...]
"Ah, but it feels good, right? Even your nipples feel good." Baby ripped open (Reader's) white collared button up, aggressively pinching their already erect nipples. (Reader) held back their grasp, but Baby still felt it. "We share a body, remember, love? You can lie all you want, but your body will tell me the truth."
(Reader) could feel themselves tremble as Baby continued assaulting their chest, alternating between ghostly touches and sharp twists, a slick moisture forming between their thighs. The excitement caused (Reader) to lose strength in their legs, and Baby allowed them to fall to their knees. Panting with how turned on Baby was feeling, it snuck one hand back down, feeling how hot and wet (Reader's) sex already was. The tip of their stimulated organ was hard, and Baby enjoyed stroking it hungrily, enjoying the intense reaction it could feel (Reader) experiencing.
(Reader) was humiliated by the sight of their own masturbation, helpless in their self violation. Baby continued paying attention to the part that had the most nerve endings, slowly removing (Reader's) fingers from their left nipple and bringing it down to the other hand, drenching it in (Reader's) arousal fluid/precum. The wet fingers were stuck in (Reader's) mouth, the parasite sucking while still stroking, forcing (Reader) to taste themselves while it rocked their hips into their dominant hand.
[Please stop- I get it- I'll never lie to you -ah!- again!]
The fingers made a wet pop as Baby pulled them back out of (Reader's) mouth. "But you taste so good, don't you agree? If you don't want your fingers in your mouth, that's fine.. but where should I put them?"
Now fully lubricated, Baby reached behind (Reader) with their moist fingers, tilting their hips slightly before penetrating (Reader's) clenched hole. Finger fucking (Reader) with both hands, rocking them back and forth with the force of the fingers thrusting and stroking.
[NO!] Their screams for help were silent to the rest of the world, only audible to Baby, relishing in the sound of (Reader) screaming loudly just for them.
Desperate for release, (Reader) cried out without thinking [Just STOP! I'LL NEVER LOVE YOU NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO MY BODY!]
Baby froze, fingers stuck in place, as frightened tears beaded on its eyelashes. "no..." (Reader's) fingers retracted, clenching fistfuls of hair as Baby began to crumble. "NO!!!"
Sobs bounced off the walls of (Reader's) home as Baby frantically wracked it's brains to fix the mess (Reader) had caused. The hacking sounds of anguish didn't lighten or soften as it morphed into unhinged laughter.
"Did you really forget who's in control here? I'm on the one holding onto your fucking brain, (Reader)! All you had to do was continue loving me, love me and only me, because we're practically married! THERE IS NO DIVORCE FOR US, REMEMBER?!"
Although both of (Reader's) hands were still firmly planted in their hair, an intense shock rocked through their sensitive fuck hole. Before the weepy prisoner could question what has just happened another shockwave sent fluids dripping into the hardwood floor.
"Humans are so stupid, saying emotions come from the soul or the heart, when every single bodily function from releasing hormones that tell you that you're in love to interpreting the stimuli that's needed to orgasm, comes from the brain."
The hypersensitivity Baby forced upon (Reader) allowed them to feel it's true body inside their head, sliding in and out of the folds in (Reader's) brain, rhythmically prodding deep into parts that shouldn't be touched. Each thrust into their brain felt like there was a hard cock simultaneously fucking them down below. It didn't make sense, (Reader) couldn't wrap their head around it, somehow feeling Baby violate the wet creases in their brain while a phantom dick stimulated their reproductive parts.
[Ah-what-no-NO!]
(Reader) came without the use of their hands, sticky fluids forming a lewd puddle under them. But Baby wasn't satisfied.
[What-what happened?]
Another orgasm exploded throughout their sensitive body, falling face forward into the ground with their still twitching ass in the air.
Baby continued dominating (Reader's) mind, forcing their brain to make and release large doses of oxytocin, as every muscle from their stomach to their thighs twitched with contractions.
[NO- I'M CUMMING!!!!]
Another climax forced it's way out, pushing (Reader) way passed the point of overstimulation, pissing on the floor into another stream of fluids. Baby manually constricted (Reader's) throat, while simulating an orgasm of it's own, artificially tricking the brain into thinking it felt a blast of warm fluid fill (Reader's) skull. Before (Reader) could pass out from a lack of oxygen, Baby released their airway, drooling and bawling as it allowed (Reader) to greedily suck in air.
"Who do you love, (Reader)?"
[guh.. pl-please.. no more] (Reader) drunkenly pleaded.
"Wrong answer."
It was like lava engulfing their twitching body as another powerful orgasm was triggered, the burning feeling behind their eyes convincing (Reader) that Baby had shot a load of hot cum deep into their nearly fucked stupid brain. But this time, Baby tried something new, injecting dopamine into the mix as the oxytocin turned (Reader) into a writhing, pathetic mess.
"Who do you love, (Reader)?"
(Reader) tried to conjure the image of the one they truly loved, but for some reason only a hazy image of an older man who's name they couldn't recall briefly flickered before disappearing. Baby smiled, face painted in drying drool and tears, knowing that (Reader) was attempting to think of their coworker, only to discover that Baby had tampered with their memories. Soon, every memory of (Reader) touching themselves would be altered so that they were calling out it's name, not some bastard's from work who didn't even care about them.
Baby licked (Reader's) spit off the floor under their face.
"Who do you love, (Reader)?"
Masochistic shame sent tremors down (Reader's) frame as another climax begun to build. [.. you.]
Overstimulated, aching in pain, and going numb from pleasure, (Reader) screamed through their real voice, shaking the thin walls of their apartment.
"I'm cumming, Baby! Baby! I love Baby! Harder, harder HARDER, PLEASE I LOVE YOU BABY, FUCK ME DUMB, FUCK ME STUPID! I'M CUMMING!!!"
(Reader) had fallen unconscious, still drenched and on the floor, (Reader) slept somewhere deep inside their mind, while Baby had full control of the weak body practically paralyzed from the waist down. It held (Reader's) left hand above it's face, smiling loopy-like, delirious from exhaustion.
"All that's missing is a ring~"
3K notes · View notes
giamee · 1 year
Text
𝐎𝐇 𝐌𝐈𝐂𝐊𝐄𝐘 𝐘𝐎𝐔'𝐑𝐄 𝐒𝐎 𝐅𝐈𝐍𝐄!
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୨♡୧ pairings :: roommate!welt x reader ; roommate!blade x reader ; roommate!gepard x reader
୨♡୧ contains :: modern!au, nothing crazy maybe some suggestive stuff and talking about lack of shirts, alcohol consumption but like rlly mild like I'm talking a few glasses of wine
୨♡୧ gia's notes :: screaming sobbing crying i got welt AND sampo on the same 10 pull :> anyways first exam in five days lets fucking gooooo. something short and sweet in the meanwhile
୨♡୧ request :: @sentieence 𖦹 (hope that this is enough blade content for you, i threw in a couple extra hee hee har)
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𓆩♡𓆪 WELT
for an animator who mostly works from home, your roommate is surprisingly elusive
of course, you know what he looks like because you met him when you first moved in
he's smart, poised, handsome, and kind - as made apparent by his insistence on helping you move all of your boxes of belongings into the place
he was always polite, never overstepped boundaries, bid you a good morning or night whenever your paths crossed
and, well, that was about it
you knew that welt worked in his room, but if it weren't for his occasional appearances, it was almost like you were living entirely on your own
which wasn't exactly awful, per se, but you did want to get to know your roommate better
however, life's plans always manage to throw a wrench into the mix
your regular routine of work and returning home was interrupted with the unforeseen circumstance of having to stay later to finish a project in time- leaving you exhausted before you even left the building and began your journey back home
your stomach began growling as you climbed the stairs to your apartment, and you found yourself wondering what takeout you would rely on this evening to carry you through to the next day
those thoughts were interrupted by the enticing aroma of food cooking entering your nostrils as soon as you swung your front door open
you paused in confusion, taking a second to shed your shoes and coat before wandering into your kitchen, met with the surprising sight of your roommate with his back to you, humming quietly as he cooked himself a meal
you were almost hesitant to interrupt him, yet your stomach had other plans as it growled embarrassingly loud, causing welt to glance behind him and shoot you a quick smile before turning his attention back to the stove
"come sit, i'm making enough for two"
you grinned at his words, setting the table before settling down and watching welt cook with a practised grace
even in his own home, he dressed so formally, with his crisp button-down's sleeves rolled up to his reveal his forearms, the tendons rippling in such a way as he stirred the contents of the pan that you wondered just how an animator could have that physique-
you coughed to rid yourself of those thoughts, instead focusing on your drink as welt plated up the steaming food, placing one in front of you before taking a seat across from you
it all felt very intimate, and you tried not to get flustered as you made eye contact with your roommate from across the table
despite the easy expression he wore, his eyes met your gaze with an intensity that demanded you to match it, making you almost shrink back into your chair as welt nonchalantly took a bite, humming to himself in satisfaction
you followed his lead, feeling the tension in your shoulders as you sat back in your chair and appreciated welt's cooking
"you should cook more often" you sighed
welt let out a chuckle
"is that so?"
you hummed in affirmation, eagerly finishing your plate, the hot meal leaving you feeling fully satiated
you accidentally made eye contact with welt as you took your last bite, a certain look of endearment adorned by him that had you stuttering, teeth scraping unpleasantly around your fork
"i'll cook as much as you want to as long as you join me for the meal"
you almost choked on your food, feeling very self conscious all over again as welt's gaze remained fixed on you, chin propped up by his arm as that same accursed look on his face appraised you
"that would be nice"
𓆩♡𓆪 BLADE
on all counts, your roommate was an asshole
he was irritable, didn't clean up after himself unless you nagged him, and had woken you from your sleep more times than you can count because of whatever stupid shit he's up to that requires him to thump his way around the flat
it was infuriating, but hey, rent was cheap and the place you're in isn't half bad
all you have to do now is endure the circumstances for the remainder of your lease
you did your best to avoid the aptly named blade and his sharp mouth
mornings were particularly risky, with his half-asleep state invoking even more snide comments than usual as he makes himself a cup of coffee, black with no sugar
and then he proceeds to leave the unwashed mug in the sink
it pisses you off when you come back home at the end of your day and see it later alongside a stack of other dishes, dark ring of residual coffee staining the perfectly good piece of ceramic, and there's some string inside you that snaps and has you huffing and puffing your way over to your flatmate's room and knocking on it persistently
once, twice, three times
you hear an exaggerated sigh before the sound of his muffled footsteps, and then the door is being swung open and you're ready to chew him out for what feels like the millionth time
and then your eyes register the fact that youre stood face to face with his bare chest and the words die on your lips
the baggy clothes he wore really didn't serve him justice, and it's an active effort to peel your eyes away from his toned chest to meet his eyes, only to see a flash of amusement as he watches you make a fool of yourself
"something wrong?"
the bastard's enjoying this
"wash your dishes" you squeak out, before hightailing it back to your own room and trying to forget the image of your hot asshole roommate without a shirt on that was now branded onto the back of your eyelids
and it seemed that blade hadn't forgotten your encounter either
the next morning you were pleasantly surprised to see the dishes were done and set to dry, and you even picked out the same mug blade had used yesterday for your own coffee
the sound of the kettle must have masked his footsteps, because you almost jumped out of your skin when you heard blade grunt out a morning before reaching for the just-boiled water and the mug you placed on the counter
you turn around to tell him to get his own, though you're surprised to be greeted with the wide expanse of his bare back, all muscle that coils and stretches as he added milk and sugar to the drink and stirred it with a spoon and turning to face you yet again, smirk adorning his face as he took a long sip from your own cup
you bite the inside of your cheek, focusing your gaze onto his smug face as he leaned back against the counter, taking an exaggerated stretch back that let his muscles flex
"i thought you didn't like milk and sugar"
"i don't, but you do"
blade slid the mug across the counter back towards you, making his way out of the kitchen leisurely as if he hadn't just inadvertedly confessed that he memorised how you make your coffee
you take a sip and your suspicions are confirmed as it tastes the exact same as you make it, and you smile down at your drink despite yourself
having blade as a roommate might just work out after all
𓆩♡𓆪 GEPARD
gepard my beloved
honestly good luck living with this man and not having a massive crush on him
you feel guilty, but the thought of just how good of a boyfriend gepard would be has crossed your mind multiple times
the domestic setting of already living together doesn't exactly help these thoughts, either
over the late nights you've spent staying up talking, and the manoeuvring around each other in your cramped cosy apartment that has led to more brushes and lingering touches than you could count, this great image of intimacy has been constructed over the past months
the fact that he's single and painfully attractive is something that you're acutely aware of as well
even when alone, your mind often wandered back to that glaring fact, and on the rare occasion you let yourself indulge in the what ifs and maybes surrounding gepard
and with a couple glasses of wine in you right now, those thoughts were running rampant
it was a friday night and you were finally home from work, dressed in your comfiest clothes and just unwinding in the living room watching a trashy romcom with some takeout
and speak of the devil, you heard the familiar sound of your door being unlocked as gepard let himself in with a mumbled greeting, the door soon slamming shut behind him
you didn't turn your head, instead listening to him curse as he tripped over something in the hall, and his muted footsteps as he made his way to where you were sat
"long day, huh?" you teased, turning your head just in time to watch him loosen his tie with one hand, the pale column of his throat suddenly leaving your throat dry and reaching for your glass again
"something like that"
gepard shuffled over, intercepting it before you could place it back down on the table and took a sip from the same spot you did, making you feel flushed for reasons other than the alcohol working its way through your system
you placed your feet on the floor, about to shuffle up on the couch in anticipation of him taking a seat next to you, though the man surprised you as he crouched down, opting to sit in between your legs, his broad shoulders nestling comfortably against your knees
well, that was new
you zeroed in on his hair, reaching out your hand before thinking and combing through his tousled locks
you didn't expect the content sigh he let out at your simple action, watching the way his shoulders softened and he leaned back into you, his head now resting comfortably against your thigh
the ends of his hair tickled your bare skin, and you tried not to squirm at the feeling of his eyelashes fluttering closed as he hummed gently at your ministrations, basking in your presence
the thought of gepard having the exact mannerisms of a cat crossed your mind, and the giggle that escaped your lips was not lost on him, as he craned his head back to look you at you, brows furrowed at your mirth
"what?"
"nothing," you hummed, continuing to card your fingers through his silky hair, absentmindedly twisting a lock of it around your finger, watching the man sigh and sink back against you from his place on the floor
the weight of him resting against your legs just felt so right, and you felt yourself begin to relax into the position as well, your attention turning back to the movie as you continued your tipsy affection on your roommate
that seemed to be a sobering thought as you remembered that fact, and you were half tempted to pull away if it weren't for gepard looping his hands around your thighs, thumbs tracing absentminded patterns of his own into your skin, eyes fixed straight ahead
well, if he's not complaining, you didn't exactly see a reason why you should be either
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୨♡୧ honkai star rail masterlist
5K notes · View notes
dinogoofymutated · 2 months
Note
Plz tell me you’re doing a part 2/continuation of you nsfw nightcrawler(only if you don’t want to of course). I just have got to read about Kurt returning the favor cus I just know he’s going to be a little teaser/pleaser 🤭 ya know. Kurt has been one of my first loves since I was a kid and I’m so glad the nightcrawler fandom has come out of hiding because it feels nice to be in a place that gets you😌
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NSFW!Nightcrawler/AFAB!reader - part 2!
Don't forget to read part 1!
Ask and you shall receive!! You and @the-girl-who-walks-with-faeries both requested a part 2 so here it is!! I hope this is okay, I know the original was completely GN but I wasn't sure how to do that with this one!
Also, I know we all love our goofy furball but this is a daily reminder that Kurt has so much depth to his character. It's really easy for us as a Fandom to characterize him as a happy-go-lucky ball of constant sunshine but he's much more than that!- Tis all. Peace ✌️
TW: MDNI!!!! Smut, fingering, PNV sex. Little bit of teasing. Lots of petnames. Sorry for the shitty German translations. Creampie.
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Kurt used to be really self conscious about his hands when the two of you first got together. It's not that he thought you found them disgusting, in fact, he knew it was quite the opposite.
He was just worried that he wasn't able to prepare you properly. Especially since they're so wide set on his hand. Going two at a time wouldn't be comfortable for you or him.
Eventually, he did become more confident on himself, especially when he tried other ways of foreplay, making sure you're not only prepared, but fully sated before the main course.
“Please, let me return the favor, my love.”
Kurt's hands teasingly rubbed the crook of your thighs, caressing the sensitive inner skin. You can't help but let out a little whine as he slides his hands closer to your lips, only to slide away again. He chuckles, and you faintly hear his tail swaying back and forth against the bed.
"Kurt, don't tease." You softly chide, relaxing further into his chest. He leans over to kiss your cheek, trailing down to your neck sensually. You sigh as he licks and nips at the soft skin.
"Apologies, Schatz. Seems I can't help myself." He muses. You gasp as a fingertip grazes across your clit, teasing at first, before he adds a little more pressure. You let out a noise of pleasure and contentment at the sensation. Kurt's other hand reaches up to caress your breast, thumb gently brushing across your nipple. You sink your teeth into your bottom lip as the finger on your clit dips down, teasing your slit as he gathers the sickness pooling there and drags it back up to your clit.
"All this, for me?" Kurt hums, his canines grazing the crook of your neck. You nodd in response, unable to think clearly enough to respond to him. He chuckles again, turning your head to pull you into a deep kiss. You feel one of his fingers teasing your slit again, sliding in rather smoothly. The action causes you to gasp into his mouth, and Kurt takes the invitation. His tongue caresses the inside of your mouth, keeping you rather occupied as he fingers your cunt. His kiss leave you breathless, gasping for air when you separate. His face is just as flushed as your own as his thumb wipes the spit from your mouth. You stick your tongue out to meet his thumb, licking the pad of the digit before sucking it into your mouth teasingly. Kurt can't take his eyes off of you, cursing quietly at the action. The curl of his finger inside of you causes you to release it, moaning as he touches you just right.
"Kurt?" He sucks in a breath at the sound of your voice.
"Yes, liebling?" The nickname causes a flutter in your chest even now, sprawled out across his lap in the throes of pleasure.
"Fuck me?" He's speechless for a moment, heated gaze keeping your own. He can't kelp but lean in and kiss you again, his tail wrapping around your waist to simply have you fully encompasses in his hold.
"...I will do more than just that, my love." He whispers once he gathers himself enough to speak. He gently turns you around, kissing you over and over as he lays you against the bed. His hands trail down your arms. Gathering your wrists and bringing them upwards to press kisses to both palms. His eyes narrow as he catching a glimpse of the bruise forming on one of your wrists, and a heated gaze turns to concern.
"Did I do this?" He asks, tail unwinding from around your waist, like he's worried he'd squeeze you to tight (again). You don't want to lie to him, but you don't want to tell him either, knowing that the thought of hurting you while caught up in his own pleasure is more than a nightmare for him. Instead you pull him down to kiss you. He sighs into the kiss, caressing the bruise before he moves onto his elbows to hold himself above you in the bed. He’s hard against you when you grind up against his pelvis, the action making him gasp. He separates from the kiss reluctantly as you begin to line him up, notching the head of his cock against your slit. He stops you before you try to take him in.
"You stop me if that ever happens again." Kurt says, a little more strictly than you've heard him speak to you before.
"Okay." You nodd at him. "I promise." He smiles at you, brushing the hair out of your face before he begins to push into you, slowly. You're breath gets caught in your throat as he does so, sinking into you inch by inch. Kurt’s face is scrunched up in pleasure, those beautiful sharp canines biting into his lip before he buries his face in your neck.
Nothing has ever felt as perfect as he does when he's finally bottomed out inside of you. He sits for a moment, letting you adjust to his length before your patting his shoulders, begging him to move. He does so, starting slowly, thrusting deep into you as he pours his love into your body. You're doing your best to keep quiet, but it's hard when Kurt feels so perfect inside of you. Each thrust into you sends another flicker of pleasure to your stomach, already feeling so close.
Kurt himself isn't fairing much better, his whines and noises of pleasure being a sound you want to memorize until the day you die. Every once in a whole he'll murmur words of praise and love and appreciation for you, your body, your soul. He's immersed in the depths of you, sinking into your cushiony walls faster and faster as he begins to reach his own peak once again. One particular thrust is a little shaprer than the others, leading you to call out his name.
"Pssst. wir müssen ruhig sein. Liebe." He shushes you, pressing a kiss to your cheek. His strokes become faster as he gets closer and closer, not too far behind you.
"Kurt! I'm- ah... I..."
"Ich weiß, Schatz. Hah... ich bin bei dir." The knot of pleasure inside you snaps, and snapps hard. Kurt groans as he feels your walls fluttering around him, sucking him in. The sensation is too much. He thrusts inside you a few more times before he's reaches his own peak, cumming inside you in warm spurts. He twitches inside you, letting out small whines as he rides through the waves of pleasure.
Kurt collapses partially on top of you when he's done, pulling out gently and panting as the two of you try to catch your breath. His face is flushed when you look over at him, hair disheveled with his eyes blissfully closed. Your heart skips a few beats at the sight, and you find yourself reaching over to caress his face. His eyes blink open, and he smiles in a way that makes your heart stop. He holds your hand to his face, brushing his thumb across the skin of your knuckles.
"I missed you so much." You murmur, leaning in to rest your forehead against his. His smile would spread wider if it could, nothing but love and adoration in his eyes.
"We should make up for all the lost time then, love. How long do you think it will take for the others to notice us missing?"
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woso-dreamzzz · 4 months
Text
Illness
Barcelona Femení x Teen!Reader
Summary: You hide an illness
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If you weren't delirious with a fever and sweating bullets, you would have described this moment as the most embarrassing moment of your life.
The semi-final El Clásico was one of the most important of the season and it was such bad luck that you had fallen ill the week before. It was most likely the flu but you never went to any doctor to get it checked out. Instead, you hunkered down in your apartment and refused to leave until you got better.
Only, you never did get fully better. Your immune system was as strong as a wall of feathers so you just decided to channel your inner Oscar winner and pretend you were fine.
You arrived at training every day after taking enough painkillers to fell an ox and hydrate yourself to the point that you were sure that your bladder had to force itself to grow.
It paid off though because you were part of the squad going to Madrid and you caught up on sleep during the train ride so could keep up your façade all the way up to the match day.
Your head was pounding as you finally stepped onto the pitch about ten minutes after half time, sliding easily into Lucy's position as the ball went back into play.
Thankfully, football was an instinct rather than a conscious thought at this point and even with a banging headache, achy limbs and a blocked nose, you played without much issue.
"Hey," Irene said as you took a little break from running to walk over to the corner that was being set up," You okay? You're slower than usual today."
You fanned yourself with your jersey. "Just a little hot."
She gave you an odd look. "It isn't that hot. You haven't been on the pitch for long."
You gave her a shrug and lied straight to her face," Really? I guess I'm just running warm today." You picked up the pace and slotted yourself between Athenea and Olga.
It was almost slow motion as Salma sent a cross into the box. Olga tried to push you forward and away while Athenea's elbow stabbed you straight in the eye.
You dropped like a brick backwards into Olga, who surprised by your sudden weight, dropped you on the floor. Your head banged painfully against the grass and you groaned.
There was a slight ringing in your ears but you couldn't focus on anything but the desperate churning of your stomach. You squeezed your eyes tight to try to stem the swirling but it just made stars explode behind your eyelids as your face throbbed from Athenea's elbow.
Your stomach bubbled up and you felt a hand on your shoulder.
"Hey, kid, you okay?" It was Irene and she jostled you slightly.
That was what did it and you rolled over onto your stomach just in time to surrender your dinner.
You burst into tears, sobbing into the grass.
"Holy shit, y/n," Mariona said," You're burning up! Are you sick?"
"You're sick?!"
You continued to cry into the grass. With your usual caretaker (Alexia) out of the team for the rest of the month, it meant Irene was in charge of you.
You couldn't decide if you would rather Alexia at this moment.
"Go away," You cried into the grass.
"Can't do that," Ingrid said as she crouched over you," The medics are coming to get you."
You turned your head to look at her.
"She got you good, huh?" Ingrid said, her fingers ghosting over your swollen eye.
"Ingrid," You croaked out," My head hurts."
"I'm sure. That was a nasty fall."
"Hurt before that too."
She made a sympathetic noise as she helped you sit up for the medics to have a proper look at you.
You were escorted straight off when they checked the dilation of your pupils.
Lucy trailed back with you along with Marta, who looked to already be on the phone with Alexia. You knew your caretaker would be watching the match so it wasn't a surprise that she had already called someone the moment you went down.
"Got quite the shiner there," Lucy commented as she inspected your bruised eye," Trying to look like Mapi?"
"At least it isn't bleeding," You said before descending into a coughing fit, thumping at your chest to try and regain your breath.
Lucy laughed but quietened when Marta held the phone out to you. You tried to ignore the sinking feeling you felt when you saw Alexia's contact picture.
You cleared your throat.
"Hola?"
"I knew it!" Alexia declared.
"Know what?" You tried to play dumb even though your whole body protested.
"When I saw you yesterday and you told me you were back to full health! I knew you were lying to me! You're still sick!"
"Barely." Your defence didn't help when you started coughing again.
"You sound horrible," Alexia said bluntly," You're not playing the final. I'll have you benched."
"I'll be benched anyway. I've got a bruise the size of my fucking country on my eye and a concussion, probably."
"We'll have a talk about hiding illness when you get home," Alexia said," And I'll have to leave a message for your captain."
You would have rolled your eyes if it didn't cause a whole new pain to shoot through your skull. Your nose was all blocked up again so the pressure in your head was only mounting. "You're my captain."
"Your national captain."
"Oh, what? You can't tell Leah! She'll go barmy! I'll be lectured for hours!"
"You're being lectured regardless, by me," Alexia said," Now, rest up, drinks lots and I'll see you in a few days."
You didn't even get the chance to watch the end of the match because Marta forced you back to the hotel and into your room.
"No screens," She said when you moved to turn on the tv.
"Well, what else am I meant to do?" You complained, blowing out your nose.
"Well, for one, you can use the bucket on the floor if you feel like you're going to be sick."
"I'm not going to throw up."
"You threw up on the pitch." Marta just had to remind you of the most embarrassing moment of your life and your cheeks flushed red out of embarrassment now instead of your fever.
"But I won't now."
Marta didn't get time to respond because the door to your room got thrown open and Patri sprawled herself next to you on the bed.
"Welcome back to the land of the living," She teased, dumping some chocolate onto your lap.
"Patri," Marta groaned," She's sick and injured. She needs rest."
"She needs company. She's still human. You can't just lock her in her room like she's Rapunzel."
Marta rolled her eyes and swatted at Patri. "She doesn't need you hindering her recovery. Go on, out with you."
"Nah," Patri said as she got comfortable," I think I'll stay here. Besides, y/n wants me to stay."
You sent Marta your most pathetic and sad look.
"Please, Marta?" You begged," I promise she'll help me. It'll be nice to have some company."
Marta sighed deeply. "Fine but just for now. This all might change by the time Alexia gets her."
You groaned and flopped back to lay against your pillows properly. "Don't remind me."
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angrypizzaflowercolor · 4 months
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Kara's favourite time of the day had to be the small hours of the morning. The times when she would wake up at one or two in the morning and Lena had just gotten back from work, or she got up to get a glass of water or any other reason that caused them to be awake at the same time.
She loved those hours because Lena was always sleepy at that time, and when Lena was sleepy, Lena was soft. She was warm and cuddly. In that moment all she wanted was to be in bed cuddled up to Kara and that made Kara feel warm inside.
She loved having Lena lay against her, pulling her closer, as if Kara alone could keep her warm, which with Kara's unearthly body heat, wasn't far from true.
Kara loved how as soon as Lena got into bed she would instantly move her cold feet towards Kara's calves to warm them up.
Kara loved how Lena always buried her head in the crook of her neck and bundled the front of Kara's shirt in her fist as she tried to pull her closer.
Kara loved how sometimes Lena would throw her arms over Kara's back and then put her hands up her shirt and rub lazy circles on her back.
Kara loved how in her sleepy state Lena mumbled the most random and absurd things like, "You're fluffy" "You feel floopy too?" Or Kara's personal favourite, "You make me feel mushy inside"
Kara loved how she knew that Lena felt safe in that moment. It overwhelmed her heart with joy because she knew that she was the reason Lena felt safe. She was the reason Lena used words like floopy and mushy. She was the reason Lena was warm at night. And it brought tears to her eyes that Lena had allowed her to be that person to her.
Kara loved the conversations they had when both of them were on the verge of falling back asleep, but they still wanted to talk.
She loved how Lena always listened so intently to her for as long as she could concentrate and keep her eyes open.
She loved how raspy and raw Lena's voice was and how they spoke so softly even though nobody else could hear them.
She loved how they giggled softly while whispering to each other like giddy little school girls, gossiping about what they saw or found out that day
She loved that this was a side of Lena that nobody else got to experience. She loved that Lena only whispered into the darkness with her. She loved that Lena only giggled over stupid jokes and silly dreams with her. She loved that only she got to enjoy the delight that was Lena's raspy voice in the morning. That only she knew that if you woke Lena up in the middle of the night and she was not yet fully conscious, she spoke with a thick Irish accent.
She loved the times when Lena would get back in bed and instead of whispering an amusing comment, she would kiss the side of Kara's neck.
She loved it when Lena would giggle softly in her ear before placing a kiss behind it and asking her, "you asleep darling?"
Kara loved that when she replied "no", Lena would lift her head from Kara's shoulder and look her in the eye's before placing the most feather light kiss on her lips.
Kara loved when Lena just let her hands roam her body, but especially loved the moment when she was able to explore Lena, who she already knew better than the map of the small town she grew up in.
She loved listening to all the sounds Lena made. The softs pants and moans. The whispered curse words and encouragements for Kara to do more. Her favourite of course had to be when Lena would whisper "I love you" into her shoulder.
Kara loved that she was the only one who got to indulge in these moments with Lena. She loved that she was able to make Lena feel good, that she was the one making Lena say all the things she was saying. She loved that even in the early hours of the morning, in their dim lit bedroom, Lena found her attractive.
But mostly Kara loved that no matter how they spent those small hours, when they woke up the next morning Lena would always seem more content than other days. She claims it's because, "I got to spent a few more extra minutes awake with the love of my life." And Kara doesn't care what the reason is, she just loves to see Lena happy.
So she pulls Lena flush against her and whispers "five more minutes" and laughs at Lena's expected groan and constant protest of "Kara you can't keep saying that every five minutes, every morning" despite the fact that she too just wanted to stay in bed with Kara all day.
Kara loves the small hours of the morning because she gets to enjoy Lena in ways that nobody else gets to, and she thinks that that's an absolute privilege.
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primofate · 4 months
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Scara who has been taken cared of by Nahida, meets girl who he falls in love with. You know the whole "I don't need anyone" turning into "Yeah maybe I deserve this" but slowly.
"It'll be fun!" is what Nahida always told Hat Guy, whenever Holi came around.
It's that festival where people threw coloured powder at each other, if you were unfortunate enough, you might get coloured water thrown on you instead.
Scaramouche hated it.
Every year, he disappeared on the colourful day.
"Oh, there you are, I thought I might find you here," Scaramouche holds back a sigh at your voice coming from behind him. Somehow you had the knack of knowing where he was hiding.
The Aranara hovering around him scattered.
In some ways Scaramouche had found a sort of peace in Sumeru.
Something that he once didn't have.
In the few years that he had stayed here, under Nahida's care, his thoughts about "eternity"--thoughts that things should remain the same, should remain constant, that people should remain as they are--had shifted and turned into an understanding that change...is most definitely inevitable. Especially when knowledge was so abundant everywhere.
"What is it now?" He drawled, head lazily lolling sideways to look at you, all smiles and looking as if you had found a secret hiding amongst the trees and vines.
"Just thought you might need some company," but you don't approach him, and only peer at his face with the same smile.
He doesn't make any move to wave you away or wave you over and just huffs, prying his eyes away from your form. "I had some until you scared the little critters away,"
You guessed he was pertaining to the Aranara. "My apologies then," you humored him and finally sat next to him, the bark of the tree a little rough on your back. "You really hate Holi, huh?"
"I hate the colours,"
"So you don't particularly hate the tradition?"
"I don't have any reason to hate the tradition," Scaramouche is suddenly conscious of your shoulder bumping into his. His eyes briefly darts towards where they meet, and almost immediately darts away to look at the tree leaves swaying in the breeze.
Wordlessly, you lean over to reach the patch of grass in front of the two of you. There are some stray leaves and sticks right around the place that you gather in the middle. Your fingers snap, and quite quickly the flames of pyro lick the small pile alive.
Scaramouche raises an eyebrow in bafflement at what you were doing, but realizes what the purpose was when you sprinkle some sort of magical powder onto the tiny bonfire.
There's a quick burst of strong flame, then it simmers down. The orange turns into a medley of blue, red, pink, green, and many other colours that take turns appearing in the fire. For a second he was mesmerized at the sudden vibrancy of it, but he scoffs and closes his eyes, leaning backwards on the tree when the novelty of it wore off.
"Holi celebrates the triumph of good over evil," you explain, even though you were certain he knew of this already. Your eyes reflect the different coloured flames, dancing around beautifully.
He's silent.
Good and evil.
What really are they? Was he more evil than good? Or was it the other way around? Did it matter?
Scaramouche never pretended to be a saint. Never pretended that he was without sin. He never claimed that he was a good person. Never, and he never thought that he would be a "good" person. None of that was him. None of the word "good" was an inch of him.
"You're most likely celebrating it with the wrong person then," he peeks an eye open to watch you, but also fully opens his eyes to finally watch the flames with you. It's nothing remarkable really. Just a fire that wasn't orange.
"Because you're evil more than good?" You ask and voice his own thoughts aloud, but you follow with a laugh. "Get over yourself, Scaramouche. It's not just about you," The flames start to dwindle in size, the pile of leaves and sticks were scant to begin with. "It's about celebrating the good things in life,"
The good things in life?
He started to think.
Life itself was already so complicated to him.
Adding "good things" was almost something he didn't want to bother with.
What exactly were the "good things" in life?
He was surprised--even shocked--to come to the conclusion that he was able to think about a few things.
Being of use to someone. Being in a place where peace of mind was available. Having quiet nights as opposed to restless nightmares. Having someone go out of their way to look for him and--
The flames disappeared. He blinked back to reality and turned his head to look at you, who was clapping in small delight at the end of the little fire show you made.
"...I suppose I could celebrate that," he mumbled, almost too hard for you to hear.
"Of course you can!" You piped up, now standing and dusting your clothes in preparation to leave. You weren't actually going to bother him for the whole day, just this small celebration was enough for you. "Surely there must be at least one good thing to happen to you here in Sumeru," you shrug and point at the way you came. "I'll be off then. Careful on your way back, red is really hard to wash off,"
He watches as you casually turn to start heading back. "I'll come," he moves up, purposely not meeting your eyes, picking imaginary fluff off of his shoulder. He then crosses his arms over his chest, melding his expression into a grin. "I need a shield anyway,"
You roll your eyes, and walk ahead of him.
He watches your back, for a moment.
Watches, as he starts to accept that you are one of those good things, despite how annoying and persistent you are in trying to get him to celebrate those dumb traditions.
Excuse any mistakes, written in quite a hurry.
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amsgrey · 4 months
Text
Clouds
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resquested by @rainechase45
warnings: descriptions of a car accident/crash, reader sustaining mild injuries in said crash, mention of blood and broken bones (not in-depth), description of hypothermia + hypothermia-related symptoms, reader really just going thru it in every way, metaphors for death, very bad metaphor writing
Authors Note: I got about 2000 words into this before i remembered that americans have different cars to kiwis. Hopefully, any mistakes are fixed but if they're not, it's because kiwis drive on the left side of the road not the right. 
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When you first got your driver's permit, Will and Jay wouldn't let you drive without them. Even though you had completed the course and passed the driving test, they still didn't want you driving alone. Which wasn't an issue really, when you didn't have your own car anyway.
Now you have had your license for almost ten months. Will let you borrow his car from time to time. Today was one of those days. A friend from school lived outside of the city and Will had let you borrow his car to go see them. The drive was only about 45 minutes, not too long with your music blasting. Will and Jay were both working late, so you stayed for dinner with your friend and then started the drive home. It was 7 pm at least by the time you hit the road. The temperature was already 8 °F and only grew colder.
You always hated driving at night and in the rain, but both at the same time was a nightmare. It wasn't just rain now, sleet came down so hard and fast your wipers hardly had time to keep up. Driving in these conditions was dangerous, even for experienced drivers. So you slowed down, turned down the music and tried to limit the distractions. If you crashed Will's car he would never let you drive ever again.
Even with the wipers at full speed and your high beam lights on, the sleet made it near impossible to see. There was no one else on the road, at least, not in front of you. There was an SUV behind you in the left lane, you caught glimpses of its shape through the sleet every now and again. They were going much faster than you were, steadily becoming a larger shadow in your mirror. Eventually, you could see their lights fully in your mirrors. You let out a grumble as you realized they too had their high beams on. Flipping the tab on your rearview mirror didn't change the fact the wing mirrors were blinding you too.
"What on earth," You groaned, the only other car on the road, the only one you had seen in the last 20 minutes was burning holes in your eyes.
Everything changed so quickly. The SUV was speeding up, gaining speed even against all the wind and sleet. Then the car was hydroplaning on the ice and sleet on the road, it swung out of control, swerving from their lane and into your own. You couldn't look away from the mirror, watching in horror as the car kept spinning out of control. It slammed into the side of your car, hitting hard against your door as it pushed you off the road. Both of your cars slid down a bank, only coming to a stop when there was nowhere else to go.
You could feel the seat belt cutting into your chest, you wanted to claw it away but it wouldn't budge. The glass from the now smashed window was cutting through your skin, on your face, your arm, even a few pieces had cut their way through your jeans.
The cold was what kept you conscious. It flooded into your car, breaking the bubble of warmth and ripping away any sense of comfort you had seconds earlier. You weren't sure if it was tears or blood running down your face, but either way, you tried to clear your mind. There was a first aid kit in the glove box, one Will had made, if you could reach it you could help yourself. 
You forced yourself to go through the checklist Will ingrained in you. Starting with your head, you made note of the concussion you likely had, then your neck, whiplash for sure. Your chest next, which was in pain from the seatbelt, but nothing else you could tell for now. Your left arm was broken, but that was a problem for another time. Your legs were squished, but you should move your feet and toes without any pain. That was as good as it was going to get, you had to get out of here. The longer you stay in here, with the sleet soaking through your clothes, the longer you put yourself at risk. 
With a bit of wiggling and stubbornness, you managed to unclip the seatbelt. It didn’t move much, but with it not so tight you could now push it away from you and start the process of wiggling out of your seat. You climbed over the center console, taking your time to avoid smashed glass or hurting yourself further. Once in the passenger seat, you pulled open the glove box, dragging out the kit and rummaging through it. You ripped open one of the gauze packets, pressing it to the left side of your forehead, the sting causing you to hiss. You continued anyway, forcing yourself to open the plastic package with a sling in it. You forced the knot over your neck. Sucking in a deep breath you forced yourself to move your arm into the sling, clenching your jaw in until the pain subsided. After ten minutes of breathing through the pain, you decided enough was enough. You had to move, even if you didn’t want to, you had too. 
Throwing open the door, you forced yourself out into the weather. The first aid kit stayed tucked under your arm so that you could help the other car. Walking up the incline was harder than getting out of the car, the pain from your arm and the other scrapes and bruises weighed you down. One step at a time. One foot after another. Eventually you made it to the driver's door. The windscreen was smashed, webbed cracks making it impossible to see through. You reached for the handle on the driver side, using it to steady yourself the last few steps then yanking it open. Inside, the driver was hunched over his steering wheel. 
“Hey,” You tried to shake his shoulder, but he didn’t respond, “Please, no.” 
You took a deep breath, then placed two fingers to the man's coritod, trying to calm the sound of your own heartbeat to feel the man. 
10 seconds passed. 
20.
30. 
Nothing. No Pulse. No Signs of Life. 
You pulled your hand away slowly, as if not to disturb him. 
“I’m so sorry,” You pulled away, stumbling a few steps back. 
By now, you could guess it had been almost half an hour. Half an hour in the sleet and rain, with no coat, no dry clothes. No one would be able to see you from the road, there was no barrier or break in a fence. No one could see you.  You were at risk, you knew any longer out here would kill you. You had to call for help. Forcing yourself to walk back down the slope to your car was hell. Your entire body shook, every time you took a step, your legs shook and you had to take extra time to steady yourself. When you finally got back to where you started, the passenger side door, you used your right arm to pull yourself back into the car. You had left your phone in the holder on the 
 There were no lights on in your car, nor the other one, so you had to search with light from the moon and strained eyes. You patted down the floor of the passenger side, nothing. Leaning over the console you tried the driver side. Avoiding the mangled parts was hard, no wonder your leg was scratched up and sore. Eventually your fingers found an irregularity, your phone face down on the ground. You yanked it up, pulling it to your face and trying to turn it on. With the screen facing you, you could see the damage. It was like it had been through a blender, the only intact part of the phone being your case. It was useless. A glorified paperweight. 
“Fuck!” 
40 minutes in these wet clothes. You had never been so cold in your life. It was as if there was no heat left in the world, the comfort of warmth was a fleeting memory. The aggressive shivering was making it hard to do anything, but you were more worried about what would happen when you stopped shivering. Growing up in Chicago, with a doctor brother, meant you heard all about how hypothermia could sneak up on a person. Most people didn't see it coming, didn’t know the signs. You were painfully aware of them. 
The racing heart. Tachycardia. 
The cold white fingers. Your body pulling blood from your extremities to protect your core.
Next it would be the brain fog, shock, the feeling of being overheated. There was no telling when it could strike. 
The other driver's phone. 
A lightbulb went off, literally. 
If you wanted to survive, you had to get back to the other driver. You had to fight. 
Finding the driver's phone felt like grave robbing. You could see it sitting in his cup holder. Some kind of miracle it hadn’t bounced out. You had to lean over the man to get the phone, trying not to move him or touch the blood that was staining his clothes. With the phone in hand, you gripped it with two hands to press the power button and activate the emergency call. You pressed the phone to your ear, it rang twice. 
“911, what is your emergency?” 
“I was in an accident,” You answered, “I need an ambulance.” 
“Can you tell me where you are?”
“I- I don’t know. I’m not shivering anymore. I’m not shivering.” 
Your arm dropped, phone tumbling into the snow on the ground. 
“It’s not cold anymore.” 
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“Dispatch, we’re going to need a Medevac.” 
“Hey kid,” The paramedic was trying to keep you alert, “Not far from a hospital, okay?”
“It’s too hot,” You slurred, strapped to the gurney in preparation of the Medevac, covered in foil safety blankets. 
“I know, love,” The woman was so nice, her voice was so soothing. “Just hold on a little longer, yeah?” 
You could hear the sound of the helicopter approaching, a steady rhythm. It grew louder and louder. it  felt as if it was taking the rhythm from your heart, as the helicopter got louder you could feel your heart getting quieter. 
The deafening sound and the wind that came from the chopper made you feel like you were hallucinating. The whole time as you waited for help, half conscious in the snow. It was nothing much at first, shooting stars, the moon glowing brighter and brighter. Then it was Will’s voice, Jay’s humming. All the things that reminded you of warmth, of that all encompassing feeling. 
Holding onto your own consciousness was like trying to hold onto a cloud. You could just see it, sense it, but physically touching it, holding it… it was nearly impossible. 
A moment of clarity had you reeling it in, forcing your eyes open. 
Inside the chopper was just as loud. But more hectic. A symphony of chattering radios, yelling voices and beeping machines. 
“My brother,” You croaked. 
“Don’t speak, kid,” The Medevac paramedic was a different man, older than the paramedic from before. He looked like a dad. 
“My brother, Doctor Halstead… Chicago Med.” 
The man's face was out of focus, but you could see the realization on it. He knew what you were asking. 
He turned to the other body in the back of the shopper, the one that was just a blur of blue shapes, “Get him on the radio now.” 
He looked back at you, “What’s your name kid?” 
You whispered it back to him, voice raw and mouth dry. You felt like you were drenched in sweat. Everything was burning. The clouds in your mind were getting further and further away, but you forced yourself to hold tight to consciousness. You needed to talk to Will. You had to talk to him. 
“My name's Tom,” The paramedic was placing headphones over your ears, adjusting the mic so that your voice might reach it, “I’ve got you, alright, kid? Just take it easy.” 
The other person was speaking, explaining something. You could hear the bass of his voice through the headphones, like he was speaking inside your head. But he might as well have been speaking another language, because nothing he said made any sense. Your eyes were so tired, burning from the lights inside the chopper, even though you knew they were as low as they could go. Light flares made it impossible to focus, everything blending and swirling in a sickening live painting. Nothing was peaking through those clouds now. They were dark, cold, and sinister. The ones that roll through right before a thunderstorm, before everything went haywire. 
But then there was sun, a beam of warmth that basked you in calmness. 
“Hey, sweetheart.” Will. The warmth that kept you safe. 
If you had been in your right state of mind, you would be able to hear the strain in his voice, the pure anguish. But you didn’t. All your brain could comprehend was that he was there. 
“I love you,” You whispered, not sure if it would be heard. 
Tom repeated your words, mumbling something about numbers or stats dropping. 
“I love you too.” Will replied, “I love you so much. I will always-” 
Will cleared his throat, it registered somewhere in the very back of your mind now. He was crying. 
“I will love you, forever. No matter what happens, sweetheart.” 
Will didn’t call you sweetheart anymore. It was always squirt. Sweetheart was what he called you as a child, the nickname that fizzled out when you turned 10 and having a hovering older brother was embarrassing. Again, that feeling of warmth returned. The feeling of lying in the sun after a swim, letting it dry you and warm you slowly. It was calm, gentle, nurturing. The warmth that made plants grow and flowers bloom. That you had spent your whole life with. Will was the sun in your family. Warm, nurturing and oh so loving. Always there, reliable and steady. If Will was the sun, then Jay was the moon. That Light that guided you through the dark. The one that brought coolness, serenity and wiseness. Jay was the one that kept you calm. Taught you to stand on your own two feet, to fight. The moon was always there, every single night. Sometimes it hid, keeping its light hidden, but it was always watching. 
Your brothers, your lifelines. 
The steady thrum of the helicopter was growing silent. Replaced with a ringing that pulled you into a clear empty and dark sky.
There were no more clouds. There was nothing. 
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Will was on the roof as soon as he got word the chopper was getting close. The fear and anxiety that ran through his blood was making it hard for him to focus. He was standing by with strict orders not to intervene. When Goodwin had heard what was happening, she had made sure WIll knew that he could not be involved in treatment at all. No matter what, he could only watch. 
“I got this, Will,” Marcel assured Will. Marcel was a brother, he knew what it was like to worry over his sister. 
“I know,” Will responded, the words meant nothing. Nothing anyone could say would stop the thumping of his heart, the fear in his veins. 
As the chopper landed, Will watched Marcel and the trauma nurses run in, a practiced team. The hand-off was smooth as it could be, then everyone was running back inside, headed to the ED. Elevator rides with patients were always slow and nerve racking, now was no different. The Helipad was only a few floors above the ED, the distance was hardly far enough to feel as long as it was. 
“Baghdad's free” Maggie called as they barrelled into the ED. Marcel started barking orders, calling stats, medications. Will had done the routine before, thousands of times. Now, watching from outside the room,everything felt foreign and new. 
Marcel and Trinny cut off your damp clothes, replacing them with warm blankets and heat packs. 
“Temp check?” 
“61.2. Heart rates dropping. 62, 56, 43…” 
Maggie grabbed Will's arm, pulling him back as the monitors flatlined. 
“Get me an amp of epi!” 
"Epi’s in.” 
“Hold compressions…” 
“No pulse.” 
“Resume compressions.”
Will looked at his watch, the minutes were ticking by. 
“Alright,” Crockett switched with Asher on compressions, taking a step back, “Temps up to 63…” 
“It’s been ten minutes,” Asher said through compressions, “Should we try ECMO?” 
Marcel turned to Will, not for permission, but to see if he was following. THe face that Marcel saw was full of hopelessness. This wasn’t Will Halstead the ED Doc, it was Will Halstead the big brother. 
“Maggie?” 
“On it, Marcel,” Maggie stepped away from Will barking her own orders at nurses. 
How is this happening? 
Nothing else could take up space in WIll’s mind. Why was this happening? 
This morning when you had left, you showed Will the weather forecast, telling him it would be cold and rainy, that you would take your time and go slow. He knew you would too. You hated driving in the rain, so you were always alert. 
This morning, you had dropped him at work and yelled out the window, “Don’t kill anyone!” Before cackling and driving away.
You were so full of life when he last saw you. 
Now all he saw was a limp body that shared your face. 
“Will?” Jay's voice from across the ED. 
Will wasn’t just your big brother. He was Jay's too. At that moment, he knew Jay needed him. 
Will stepped away from the treatment room, intercepting Jay before he could get too close. 
“Listen to me,” Will pulled him aside, grabbing his shoulders, “You don’t want to see her right now. Marcel and Asher are working on her, they have it handled.” Lies. They were lies, or half-truths, either way, Will didn’t believe them. 
“How did this happen?” 
The Halstead brothers didn’t cry much, but now the both of them were tearing up. The fear of losing the light of their lives was weighing them both down. 
“That’s not important right now,” Will forced himself to say, “Right now, all that matters is she is getting treatment.” 
Jay nodded, he pulled out of Will’s grasp and turned to Hailey. She had watched the whole exchange, but Will hadn’t seen her until now. She looked like she might cry too. The same thoughts circling in the Halstead brothers minds were circling in her own. 
“She’s strong,” Hailey croaked out, “She’ll be okay. When she wakes up, she’ll have us, and she’ll be okay.” 
Will smiled at his sister-in-law. She really meant it, her belief giving Will something tangible to hold onto. If Hailey saw the way out, he would too. 
“I got a pulse!” 
The beeping of machines never sounded so sweet. A steady even beat. 
Will hadn’t prayed in so long, but he let slip, “Thank you, God.” A silent prayer followed. 
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Where there was once nothing, now there was a wide blue sky, littered with meager clouds. They weren’t the ones that looked like faces or shapes, they were so small that they almost blended into the sky. But they were there. You could see them, feel them. God help you, you were going to reach them. 
The sun was out today too, a warm glow that set the perfect temperature. A spring morning with the first blooming flowers. The moon was there too, a watery reflection against the blue. It felt so serene here. The sun was calling to you, warming you in its embrace. You chose then, this would not be your goodbye to the sun and moon. 
Opening your eyes was the hardest challenge of the day. It was harder than walking up that slope, or staying conscious in the helicopter. Your body screamed for sleep, but you were too stubborn. You had to see the sun. 
“Will, Jay, get in here.” 
A warm hand on the side of your face, another one cradling your hand so gently. 
“We’re here, sweetheart.” 
“We’re not going anywhere.” 
This time they were real. When your eyes focused, there were your brothers. Your warmth on a cold day, the light on a dark night. When your eyes fluttered shut again, you knew they would watch over you, keep you tethered. You weren’t fearful of what would happen this time, they were looking out for you.
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