#we are so close to answers!

[holly-fixation]

Tainted Child: Chapter 10

Summary: Claudia Strife were infected with Jenova's virus before she was born. Cloud gained the virus tenfold, leading to his controlled state and constant fawning over 'The Great Mother'. The Cetra, finally told them this truth, claiming Jenova planned to destroy the world again. But the calamity also stopped the boiling of mako, and only gave Cloud the need to send Sephiroth North.

Based on this prompt by @im-totally-not-an-alien

Please enjoy!

Chapter 10: Escape

Crashing, slashing, clawing, gunfire, shocks, magic, all manner of destruction boomed through the halls of the lab, even to the ends of the small ‘patient’ rooms. The cacophony of slaughter thundered outside the door they could not open from the inside. The two blondes should be afraid, barricading the door with the bed, couch, desk, and anything else they could move in the room, yet they didn’t. 

“It’s him,” Cloud reassured with wide, admiring eyes, giving his mother’s hand a squeeze with both of his to gain her eyes from the door. “He won’t hurt us. He won’t. I think…he…” He glanced away, maneuvering the muddy thoughts appearing in his mind, “I think…” He grasped her hand as if trying to catch the smoke of explanation, which silently floated out of his reach.

“Cloud.” She placed a hand on his shoulder, an understanding gaze in her blue eyes. There was only one thing she needed to know, no use for any other details until this ended. “Will we be safe?”

He nodded fervently, clearly no longer plagued by the earlier vertigo. “We will. We just have to wait.”

Claudia silently led her son over to the bed, both of them sitting on the end as they waited. They heard more than breaking machines or exploding walls. Screams of unknown creatures shrieked through the halls with intensity to shatter glass, absolute chaos encasing those walls. Both blondes winced at the sounds, but they stayed in their place. Cloud was always right. But should she be trusting this…creature controlling her child? How many times did she ask herself the same question? She cursed herself. She just wanted her little boy safe.

‘I watch over you. I protect you both. I heal you.’ A memory claimed her mind, the voice, Her voice, from the reactor. ‘She’ never did anything to prove these statements incorrect. Nothing injured them. The dream, the reactor, the push, the single threat. The very little pain She caused either directly helped them all, probably led to the next step of whatever She had planned, or even both.

No matter what, they needed out of Shinra. This prison helped no one. This prison actively harmed the Cetra, the Planet, and her family. Right now, she took her chances with the viral alien that haunted the Cetra over this money grabbing company with a far too active science department for any sacred experiments to occur. 

Boom!

Claudia grasped her son tightly at the explosion so loud that lighting striking the room next to them was absolutely a plausible explanation. She wanted him to be right. She needed him to be right, to be safe, but her own instincts denied it.

Cloud placed a soft hand on her arm, a way to ground her, to soothe her, a way to let her know everything would be okay. 

Silence claimed the room, and the hall. He saw the fear re-enter her eyes at the acknowledgement, the high possibility of this calm lying like the eye of the storm. He squeezed her hand and stood up slowly, coaxing her onto her feet. “It’s okay. I promise.”

She prayed Cloud was right, but she also kept him away from the door. All they could hear were the remaining sparks of what she could only assume was broken electrical equipment. But not long after, the door opened. Well… ‘opened’. A flash of a blade broke the mechanical lock, and black gloved hands pulled the metal aside. Now they saw the attacker. 

Sephiroth. 

It was Sephiroth. With the Cetra mother and daughter, both with adrenaline in their eyes as well as early relief in their breath.

“Stay behind me,” The silver soldier ordered. They obeyed without hesitation, and he took the lead as both families followed behind. Nothing in this lab stood a chance against him. He was a blender, a fire, a supernova, claiming everything in his path. No size, strength, or speed of any monster or robotic guard changed that. Both mothers held their children in their arms as they followed without question, the Cetras closer to Sephiroth and the Strifes checking for enemies from behind. Luckily, little of the lab remained, only a few narrow corridors and staircases before they escaped to the entrance to the 65th floor.

That freedom came with the unavoidable consequence of cameras, security, and a live feed.

They needed a way down, and fast. Sephiroth rushed ahead to one of the glass elevators and the families followed immediately. They didn’t have time to worry about the guards on this floor. The elevator lowered with a planned destination of the 60th floor. When the power was cut at the 63rd, Sephiroth shattered the glass and they ran for the escalators. Security announcements cracked through speakers, lights dimmed to emergency levels, and every bystander ran for cover, even before security arrived. The announcement claimed dangerous specimens escaped from the lab. 

Shinra didn’t have the will to announce their soon to be war hero went rogue. 

The plan was simple: Sephiroth protected them, the mothers and children pointed out any enemies they spotted, and they all used the emergency stairwell to escape. Claudia helped Ifalna. Cloud carried Aerith when she slowed down. Three of them had scaled Mount Nibel individually. Down fifty nine flights of stairs at SOLDIER speed was difficult but possible for the two enhanced by Jenova’s virus. The advantages of this tedious route: no cameras in the stairwell, so drones were the only way for Shinra to know where they were; and every attacker was trapped in close quarters combat, Sephiroth’s blade reached everything in direct sight, struck down any drone immediately, and knocked back any bomb thrown too far from their level to do any damage. These were only real problems for the last twenty floors. 

Eventually, they made it to the lobby, absolutely covered in guards, lining every wall on the far end of the stair entrance, crouching on every platform, some even standing on the lights. But these weren’t robots or monsters. A human held every gun and laser pointed at them. Shinra’s basic troops, cadets, some as young as fourteen. Troops that enlisted because of him, because of Wutai, the promise of glory, power, freedom, money, following in the footsteps of their war hero: Sephiroth. 

Only here, did he hesitate. 

This wasn’t an order. This was his judgment if these men lived or died.

Both families stood behind him, protecting the children, while he adjusted his stance, felt the hilt in his hand, and scanned the security personnel for a large enough opening. He saw them swallow, and fidget, and hesitate under his intense gaze. He saw their questions and internal conflict. Now he had to choose how to manipulate their hesitation against them. He took a breath. He knew his sword skills towered over his diplomatic skills, but for these soldiers, these children, he had to try. 

“You know who I am,” Sephiroth addressed all of them, his usually strong voice wavering, but only the infected child noticed the change. “You know what I can do. Stand down.”

The room filled with the clicks of readjusted and cocked weapons.

He took another breath, the family behind him tensing at the ready. “No one needs to die today,” a plea, compared to his normal tone. “Stand. Down.”

Some of the red dots shook with hesitation.

Sephiroth took the opportunity with one step forward. Every cadet either flinched or took a step back. He glanced back at the families before giving the slightest nod. They understood and followed each careful advance, each step. Left. Right. Left. Right. Their eyes scanned over the cadets for the tiniest indication of attack, but no one did, because they were only cadets, starry eyed new recruits left completely to their own orders, only their headpieces guiding them, as everyone of significant rank hid away in the safety of some far off room or building. Too many of them noticed they were meat for the grind. If they attacked, they were the next slice in. 

Only when the group reached the first set of stairs was someone stupid enough to fire. Sephiroth slashed the bullet before it struck its target, Aerith. Of all of them the cadet aimed for Aerith. Without thinking he immediately followed with casting physical barriers around them all. There was no time for small fry, no time to attack. They all ran, Sephiroth blocking as many of the projectiles as possible while the families searched for a way out. 

Luckily Shinra had car displays in their main lobby, and if memory served Claudia correctly, all machines were fully fueled and fully functional for presentations, letting Shinra show off the precision each vehicle maneuvered with. 

“Mother!” Cloud yelled over the scattering snare of bullets as he pointed to a three wheeled truck in the lineup of cars on the floor below. “Over there!”

Their barriers had little time left, whether or not they took any hits. Claudia nodded, grabbing her son before dashing and dodging her way to the vehicle. She threw the door open and threw him inside, then ran back for the little girl and plopped her next to him. “You!” She ordered the other mother, running back and nearly carrying her to the car. “Sit with Aerith!” She leggo when they reached the door and ran to the driver's side. “Sephiroth! Get in the back! I’ll drive!”

Ifalna rushed in and put Aerith on her lap, slamming the door closed as fast as possible. She kept her arms around her little girl, despite her squirming. Claudia jumped in the driver’s seat and saw both of the children searching for… 

“I found it!” Aerith yelled as she tossed the key to the blonde mother. “Go!”

Sephiroth jumped in the bed as the truck started, finally recasting their barriers. Everything from here was a blur. Their only option was getting out of the city. With no time to think, driving through wall sized windows to an incomplete highway was the fastest decision she could make. Ironically, this highway proved much safer than the building itself, because no machine, motorcycle, truck, tank, or helicopter remotely stood up to the strength of the silver soldier. 

* * * 

Off the incomplete highway, down the railway to the slums, through the rocky roads of the suffering lower city, the five finally broke out of Midgar. Once they exited the train station, nothing followed them. Shinra pulled back. Gods only knew what the company had planned next, but for now they were grateful for the silence. They even had time to refuel just before escaping the city, which carried them all the way to the town of Kalm. However, nothing could be worse than a Shinra town if the news announced their escape. They needed a plan, and to get the hell out of here. Kalm was little more than a pit stop. They sold the truck to buy food, weapons, armor, and materia, before leaving without another word. They did not rest, and soon after, the Cetra’s skills began wavering from exhaustion. Thank all the gods no one was hurt. 

Through many battles against the creatures roaming the Midgar plains and the absolute advantage of having the strongest person on the planet defeat the Midgar Zolom, they finally arrived at one of the few places barely controlled by the Planet-bleeding company: Fort Condor. The people of the fort were kind enough to allow their stay in the three open beds of the only unused room. 

Aerith and Cloud wasted no time and claimed two of the three beds for long needed sleep. The three adults, well one almost adult, sat at the frames, and discussed a plan, despite the weight of their own exhaustion. 

“We need either a ship or plane to get to the northern continent,” Sephiroth stated aloud, laying out any information he knew. 

“A boat is a lot easier than a plane,” Claudia mentioned. 

He crossed his arms as he thought, only speaking the final decision of each plan. They could try to sneak on a Shinra ship, which the personnel did not run well, but… “With five stowaways, we’ll be caught immediately.” So large ships were out, but what about chartering a boat? The village of Lower Junon may have a few options. However… “A private boat will cost too much…”

“We, aren’t going north.” Ifalna stared down as she spoke, gaining both of their undivided attention, but her decision was already made. “Shinra captured us there. They'll be looking for us. Aerith and I…” She glanced at her daughter with regret. “We'll stay here. Until I come up with a plan…”

Neither one of them attempted to argue with the Cetra mother. Without Sephiroth, all Shinra needed to do was find them, and within days their re-capture would be complete. The blonde mother looked to her dandelion haired son, understanding the need to protect and hide for the sake of their child. But silver lined his hair, and Sephiroth's was mercury: perfectly silver, deadly, and unnaturally made as they were. Made with that creature’s cells.

“I respect your decision,” Claudia answered softly, barely glancing at the other mother. “But this is about more than Shinra…” She took a breath, “isn't it?”

Ifalna glared fearfully, gripping the side of the bedpost. 

“Whatever your reason,” the mothers turned to the soldier, “we're not leaving you here without a plan.” His inhuman eyes met her Planet-green eyes. They needed a place outside Shinra's grasp. But propaganda could be okay. First he listed absolutely impossible options. “No Nibelhiem, Wutai, Corel, Costa del Sol, or Junon.” 

She gave him a look of confusion. Was he really trying to help her escape from him?

“Your best options are Mideel or Banora, maybe even a chocobo ranch if you’re feeling adventurous.” His own answer caught him by surprise. His friends… What did they think of him right now? He shook away the thought. He had to press forward. “My friends are from Banora. You'll deal with some propaganda, but Shinra has nearly no presence. Banora has no resources they want, beyond apples.”

“I think Mideel is a bit more South, but Banora shouldn’t have any issues from what I’ve heard,” the blonde mother confirmed kindly. “It’s safe.”

Ifalna sighed softly with calm relief. “Thank you. Both.” She would ask everyone in this Fort what they believed were good locations. She hesitantly trusted the two of them, but both were connected to that virus. However, despite Sephiroth's abilities and appearance, she feared that blonde child more than anyone in the room. 

“Now that that's settled,” Claudia turned back to the silver soldier. “We need to cover you up before we get to Junon.”

He tensed. “Why?”

“We need to blend in. They absolutely know who we are by now.” She scanned his uniform before continuing. “Realistically, all we need to hide is,” She held up one finger and spun it in a circle pointing toward the ceiling, “all of our hair.” Walking around with literally silver and two yellow palm trees identifiable from a mile away was a bad idea. Then she pointed to his shoulders. “And your armor.”

His glare hardened. 

“I don’t think anyone knows what you look like without it.”

“Should we hide my sword as well?” He questioned. It seemed sarcastic at first, but his eyes were serious. 

Claudia shrugged. “Not if we hide your armor and play you off as a fanboy.”

He winced at the thought. 

She gave him an empathetic look. “Just let Cloud talk if anyone questions us.”

Sephiroth nodded. It wasn’t the worst plan of stealth. “Understood.”

They sat in silence for a moment, each going over their individual plans.

“Ifalna,” Sephiroth called after a bit, his voice small. He looked down, eyes away from anyone and bangs blocking his gaze. “Is there anything else we should know about 'Jenova'?”

Between the battles and travel, most of their knowledge was already shared with each other. But Jenova: the virus, the nightmare, The Great Mother, was a mystery to them all, no matter how much knowledge they did or did not have. 

Ifalna took a careful breath. “I have, no idea what it's planning. But I know it's a liar. ” She watched him tense, tighten against her truthful, stinging words. “Just…” She spoke in a calmer, kinder tone, “Be careful. Ask as many questions as you can, and be mindful of its answers.”

He lowered his head in half a nod, gripping his arms, his breath wound like a bomb. “...I have one more question…”

Claudia gazed softly at the silver soldier. He’s not okay, and too many questions might set him off. He never told them why he attacked the lab before breaking them out. “Maybe it’s better if we rest, for now. We're all tired.”

He didn’t move. He was a statue, swallowing his anxiety with enough pressure to form a diamond. “Please…”

“Ask,” Ifalna spoke, hoping a fast answer would ease him faster, despite the concerned look given to her by the other mother. 

He took a breath to steel himself. “What do you know about 'Project S'?”

Ifalna frowned and turned away. “From what I remember…they injected Jenova's cells into a human embryo.” She curled part of the blanket into her fist. “Your, embryo. To see if they could make a Cetra, back when they believed it was one. Your stem cells reacted with the cells and, well… I think you know the rest.”

He knew. He knew how Shinra raised him. What he did in their name. And only now, what his supposed mother really was, thanks to the Cetra. But now a new question came to mind. “If they put her cells in me before birth, then who birthed me?”

She shook her head. “Jenova did not birth you, but your birth mother… She’s practically dead. She…” her sentence trailed off as she realized what information nearly leaked out. 

This time he curled in on himself. He looked so sad, the same way he did when Claudia and Cloud explained everything to him in the mountains. “She what…?” But the Cetra stayed silent, so he forced a sharper glare at the woman, only the slightest sliver of desperation seeped through. “What did she do?”

Ifalna tried to combat his eyes, the inhuman slits attempted daggers. He shouldn't know, but he…he deserved to know, didn't he? He deserved the truth after saving her and her daughter. “Your birth mother couldn’t die. Can't, die.” She corrected. “But she did try… and now, wherever she is, she’s practically dead…”

They couldn’t see his reaction. They didn’t see his hands shaking. 

“...”

The silence burned. Claudia jerked forward, her first instinct to offer the boy before them another hug, as she did in the mountain. Her motherly instinct to help overwhelmed her for a split second.

He is my son.

Mine.

She flinched. Another memory flashed from the back of her mind, the message from that creature, the consequences of that night. The pressure. The push. The threat. She sat back and turned away, attempting to avoid his pain. She looked to the boy she could protect, her little boy, who slept soundly under the covers. “We should get some rest too…” She suggested in a small voice, and this time, no one argued. 

They’d solidify a plan tomorrow. They were safe for now, and that’s what mattered. They all adjusted as necessary, either by moving covers or by adjusting the children. Either way, they needed rest, and this furthest room from the outside world was a godsend for even an inkling of freedom.

* * *

It’s so calm, so dark. Wherever here is. A place of safety, of happiness, of joy.

It’s so warm, like a blanket, like a fire, flames heating the space around him.

He wants to stay here, in this calm, warm, comforting place.

Then he feels something soft touch his cheek, so kind, so inviting, and unlike the ice touch of lab techs, or the bastard scientist, he stands tall, towards it. He wants to be near it, to hold it closer. He allows the pull, something caressing his arm. He’s a child, falling into the lap of a kind woman. One who will protect him, care for him, respect him, and comfort him. 

However, before he felt the impact of hug or embrace, his eyes opened. His sad, reptilian eyes opened, wet with tears and blurred by returning reality. His breath stung, heavy with conflicting emotions. He wanted to go back. He also hated it. He found himself curled around the pillow, gripping it to his chest unconsciously, tightly, two damp drops sinking into the fabric. He wipes the traitorous water from his eyes. 

It was so nice, the dream. He wasn’t tense, or anxious, or fidgeting in that dream, only for everything to crash back into him when his eyes opened. It was childish, longing for an imaginary plane. He nearly strangled his inner self for these dissonant emotions. He needed to calm down, to push these pathetic thoughts away. He ripped the pillow away from his body and back to the headboard as he sat up on the side of the bed. Then he tensed at the sound of squeaking wood. 

Little did he know, the little boy, the blonde the Cetra called infected, climbed down the ladder to the room they all shared, holding a cup of clear liquid. So he was just getting water, nothing to worry about. 

When Cloud reached the ground, he turned around, gasping quietly when his eyes met the silver soldier. “I'm sorry…” He whispered, trying not to wake anyone else. “Did I wake you?”

Sephiroth shook his head. 

Cloud nodded and sighed in relief before offering the cup, extending it towards him with both hands. At a weird look from the silver haired teen, he whispered as he approached. “Take it. You need it…”

“I'm fine,” He whispered sternly. “I'm not taking your drink.”

“I got it for you.” 

Sephiroth stared. “Why?”

“...” Cloud's blonde brows crossed with confusion as he scanned the man in the bed, as if looking for a lie. “...I heard you…”

His cat-like eyes widened, his anxious fear clearly on display. Now Cloud placed the water on his nightstand. 

“She used to give me thoughts…” the dandelion boy mentioned suddenly. “Now all I hear is your name, and 'North'. She wants you. She really…really wants you…”

Sephiroth carefully grabbed the glass. He did not answer. He sat there unmoving, holding the cup in his shaking hands.

Cloud took his silence as fear and carefully placed a hand on Sephiroth’s arm, fear of the unknown, fear of a genocidal liar or the comforting woman from his dreams. When the soldier glared at him, he tilted his head, and spoke one word in the kindest voice he could to aid The Great Child.  

“Soon…”

Cloud hoped it would be enough, but when he turned to leave, a slow breath kept him from leaving: Sephiroth’s breath, tense and hesitant. The small child turned his gaze to the ground in front of him. “I know Mother and Ifalna don’t trust The Great Mother…”

The young soldier turned away from the boy, guilt coating his eyes. He hoped neither of the children heard their earlier conversation. 

“But She’s good. She really is.” Now he turned to Sephiroth desperately, pleading with a prayer. “Please don’t turn her away…” 

Turn her away? Sephiroth couldn’t fathom the thought, but it was his decision, his choice, his. He wanted her, but he knew his emotions clouded whenever he thought of her. He needed help, and this small Strife family offered their hand. 

Please… Please be good…

.

.

.

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Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed!

Author’s note: I wasn’t planning on writing the escape from Shinra, but here we are. I personally struggle with writing action scenes, so I hope I kept up the tension! Thanks for reading! We're really close to the end! (Check the tags for more notes)

#ff7 #final fantasy vii #ffvii #sephiroth #cloud strife #jenova #final fantasy 7 #aerith gainsborough #we are so close to answers! #i cannot wait to write the next chapter! #but classes start very soon #so next will be the second part of One Winged Probems #to have a little happiness in my life as assignments down me #but then Finally we will get answers! #i literally have three pages of Notes for this coming chapter #What is Jenova's goal? #Find out next time! #tainted child

[shanastoryteller]

Happy Pride! Jim & Spock? Can be in the Sybokverse or on their own eitherway is perfect!

a continuation of 1 2 3 4 5

“I believe I have the right to face my accuser.”

Jim is going to tear this asshole apart.

There’s muttering throughout the crowd, the auditorium filled to the brim for one cadet’s academic dishonesty disciplinary hearing. These are always open to be attended by the accused’s peers, but usually no one bothers, having far better things to do on a Friday morning. Jim is flattered, honestly.

Admiral Archer nods and everyone turns as one of the instructors stands and walks stiffly to the other podium.

Jim is honestly taken aback. A Vulcan giving him shit over this? He squints, trying to place him, suddenly sure he’s seen him somewhere before. Possibly just in the halls, but the familiarity feels deeper than that. He’s met a lot of Vulcans, to be fair.

“Cadet,” he greets.

“Defend the logic of your accusation,” he says, falling into familiar vernacular and only barely keeping himself from saying it in formal Vulcan. This guy might appreciate it, but Archer won’t, and Chris had told him not to be too much of an asshole.

The Vulcan raises an eyebrow. “The purpose of the test is to assess your response to no win scenarios. Altering the parameters, while admittedly an impressive feat of programming, shows both your lack of understanding and your casual disregard for the institution of Starfleet.”

“I don’t believe in no win scenarios,” he says confidently, flashing a smile to the assembled admirals that, in different circumstances, tends to get him laid.

He stiffens. “Your belief in them does not change their existence. In an impossible situation, you must react to the circumstances given to you. Anything else is entertaining delusions.”

“Bullshit,” Jim says immediately and sees Chris pinch the bridge of his nose. Oops. This is a perfect time to go into the speech that he has prepared, about how if he was actually trying to cheat he would have been more subtle about it, about how cheating was his answer to the question presented by the test, and how that applies to how he would really react as a captain.

But then the Vulcan gives him the bitchiest look he’s seen in – well, about four days, but he’s suddenly so sure where he knows him from.

~

Spock doesn’t understand how someone with so little regard for both etiquette and moral standards has survived this long in the academy. He’s intimately familiar with the doors that having a famous father can open, but surely there must be limits.

James Kirk opens his mouth, presumably to continue his insulting and inappropriate defense of his actions, then his eyes narrow, widen, and he demands, “Spock? S'Chn T'Gai Spock? Son of Amanda Grayson and S'Chn T'Gai Sarek?”

For a moment, all he can do is stare. “Have we met?”

His syntax when first faced with him had made him think that James Kirk was familiar with Vulcan, as unlikely as that seemed, but now he’s sure. Not only because of the correct pronunciation of his family name, but in how he has addressed him. Vulcan society is matriarchal. It is correct to identify him first as his mother’s son, and also appropriate to leave off his father’s title as ambassador when identifying his family origin, as his father’s position is supposed to be secondary to his mother’s. His mother married into his father’s clan, but that doesn’t change formal conventions.

Even on Vulcan, he is rarely identified correctly.

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” James Kirk says, then takes out his communicator and starts typing.

What.

“Cadet Kirk!” Admiral Archer barks. “Put that away and comport yourself as your position demands or we’ll be here for more than accusations of your cheating.”

“Apologies, Admiral,” James Kirk says, placing his hands behind his back and looking like he’s taking this seriously for the first time. “If you’ll just allow a couple minutes-”

Spock’s communicator goes off.

“Commander,” Admiral Archer says warningly.

“One moment, please,” he says, his stomach rolling as he takes out the communicator. He’s hoping that this is another of James Kirk’s tricks, because when he’s placed it on silent only his family can contact him, and his mother marks all of her correspondence as non urgent. There is no good reason for his father to contact him.

He opens it up and blinks twice, to be certain of what he’s seeing.

Sybok has sent him a text base message. His elder brother never sends him text based communication, as he believes that Spock will not respond timely or authentically, and so only video calls him. Usually at inopportune times.

stop being mean to jimmy :(

He is a genius. Several things suddenly make sense all at once.

He is of course aware of his older brother’s dear friend who he only refers to as Jimmy. In the tragedy of Tarsus IV, when all should have been lost and the corrupt governor threatened to kill half the colony and did kill a not insignificant amount of them, it was Jimmy and Sybok who worked together to create a sort of resistance and keep people alive long enough to for their jury-rigged signal to make it through.

Receiving that strange message from Sybok after years of silence had let him, and their father, know that something was wrong and alert Starfleet.

Jimmy, who had been a minor at the time, and so his identity had been kept from the public at his request, and who had visited Sybok on Vulcan but Spock had examinations at the time and had not been permitted to travel across planet to meet him.

James Kirk looks at him, a smile hovering around the corners of his lips.

James Kirk. Colloquially known as Jim. Jimmy.

Spock had designed the Kobayashi Maru with his brother’s experience at Tarsus IV in mind. He had been different after, just as prone to arguing with their father, more prone to arguing with everyone else, but he’d been sturdier too. As if that experience had at once confirmed and destroyed all of his worst expectations of people.

James Kirk does not believe in no win scenarios and he has demonstrated that more aptly than any simulation could.

“I rescind my accusation of academic dishonesty towards Cadet Kirk.”

#bit of a time skip but it's not like we didn't know they were going to be okay #jim decides that this means him and spock and bffs now #spock does not want to further insult his older brothers Very Good Friend and Fellow Rebellion Leader #but he also wants to strangle jim so #sybok never told jim that his brother was teaching at the academy that year because he thought it would funny when they ran into eachother #and he was more right than he could have ever hoped #he visits because he likes chaos and spock and jim #asks #anon #prompts are closed #star trek #prompt answers

[ahalliance]

just finished Nimona… DAMN does it feel good to watch such an openly queer movie man

#i haven’t read the graphic novel (though now I plan to!) so these are just my observations from the movie but #nimona is fucking trans & nonbinary man #like so fucking openly. refusing to answer balistair’s small minded questions and simply replying ‘i’m Nimona!’ #chef’s kiss. absolutely fucking astounding. the nonbinary/genderqueer experience in a nutshell #you cannot and will not pin me down ! #and obviously the major themes of being the odd one out among a whole society of people perceived as ‘normal’. wow that hit close to home! #and if the aggressively queer themes weren’t enough we have ambrosius and balistair too <3 like fuck yeah give us that on screen couple ! #overall… enjoyed it so very much #a new comfort movie perhaps….. #oh and don’t think i missed that pride flag in the credits lmaooo absolutely iconic #jay rambles #nimona #nimona spoilers

[xoxoemynn]

help I can't stop thinking about Ed's chest hair.

@sherlockig you have AWAKENED something in me.

#I just don't think I've ever seen chest zoomed in up close with the light catching it just SO?! #I'm working on spreadsheets. Ed's chest hair. #I'm answering emails. Ed's chest hair. #I'm putting away my dishes. Ed's chest hair. #just imagine Stede resting his head on that perfect chest #playing with all the shiny silver hairs there #covering WHATEVER CHEST TATTOO WE WERE DEPRIVED OF THIS SEASON #I am Unwell #ofmd #edward teach

[canisalbus]

As someone whose entire extended family lives in Sicily irl and they're all super catholic i am delighted by Machete's place of origin??? I literally feel like that meme with the anime girl that's like "(Location) mentioned!!!" anytime it comes up lol

Anyways I love reading OC lore so your blog is always a treat 😎

.

#oh thank you! it's so good to hear you like him! #I hope I'm not doing a glaring disservice to Sicilians or Italians as a whole with my weird dog guy #to be honest I'm always worried about people taking him as serious representation of some trait they associate with and feel close to #and then potentially getting disappointed or upset when he's flawed and troubled and not always entirely likable #does that make sense? I'm an overthinking people-pleaser it's probably just all in my head #answered #anonymous #it's so funny that this [location mentioned] is a worldwide phenomenon #especially in non-anglosphere countries #because Finnish people always get hella excited whenever Finland is mentioned anywhere #it's became a well known inside joke (torille) #we're such a small quiet and remote nation it's always a pleasant surprise whenever one of the big guys remembers that we exist

[starflungwaddledee]

Regarding the ask with starstruck’s star spears and Galacta,I’m guessing they have some sort of beef? Maybe they’ve met in the past?

[x] i'm not sure if i'd call it beef so much as the whole entire herd of cattle

#my art #asks #starstruck dee #galacta knight #🎀🔍 #hydrogen bomb vs coughing baby real. #everyone made so many great guesses on that post!!! i absolutely adored reading everyone's thoughts and theories! #thank you thank you thank you!! it was so fun!! waaa!!! <3 #we got close enough to the answer that i was looking for this time; which was “mimicry” #and with some bonus additional comments on his proximity in every image where the Star Spears appeared. which was great spotting!! #so here's this piece as promised! #it's not the *only* answer though. #sorry that this one is sooooo sketchy. i adore this composition though so i will do my very best to come back to it some time in future #lyrics from sea of voices by porter robinson which was actually sent in for starstruck!! hope you'll enjoy this lunala8368! #it was the second best!! i could not put the original lyrics that belong there for... Reasons. maybe if this gets redone sometime!

[becca-e-barnes]

Hi Becca! I would literally die for you blog. It’s my go to any time I need some good self care😉. You’re incredibly talented!

But I’ve had this idea bouncing around in my head. It boils down to just Bucky and cock warming. Like the reader is on him begging for more but he is just having way to much fun playing with their clit to start moving. Making them cum on him with out thrusting once.

Just an idea I thought you might like. I love you work, have a great day!!

I'm really glad you've been enjoying my stuff so much!! That's so sweet!💗 and I keep getting told I can get ✨filthier✨ so I'd love to mess with this is little bit

Because I love the thought of Bucky making you start off with a dildo that's just a little bit smaller in size than he is. Maybe one of those dildos with a suction cup on the bottom so it's stuck on a wooden chair.

"Good girl, take it all." He encourages, kneeling between your legs, watching your cunt greedily swallow the toy. It's a sight he doesn't often get to see and he's really not sure why he doesn't make a point of watching it more often.

You whine quietly, feeling the toy bottom out. Your ass makes contact with the cool, varnished wood beneath you and you can't help but roll your hips a little, enjoying the feeling of the tip rubbing against your velvety walls.

"If I wanted you to fuck yourself on that, I'd tell you to. Did I tell you to?" Bucky's voice has a sharp edge that almost knocks you out of your daze.

"N-no... But-" You begin, trying to justify your movement but he cuts you off.

"No. So don't. I want you to keep your cunt stuffed and take what I give you." He watches up at you as he presses your knees apart, keeping his eyes on your face until he can't bare it anymore.

You gasp quietly at the feeling of his hot breath on your exposed, slick sex and there's nothing you can do but whimper at the feeling of his tongue gently grazing your clit.

Fuck, it's good. It's not long before he's licking you like he's starving, lapping and sucking gently on your clit before forcing your legs wider apart to lick your arousal from the base of the toy.

"Bucky, please. Please let me move." You didn't mean to sound so pathetic but with each lick, you get closer and closer to an orgasm you won't be able to stop. An orgasm you've been warned you're not allowed to have.

You're almost surprised he takes pity on you, giving you permission to get off the toy. He removes it from the chair and sits down in it's place, offering his cock as a replacement.

You sit back down as you had earlier with your back to his chest but you can't help but feel amazed at how much better his dick feels. He's slightly bigger and while that's nice, nothing beats the way he throbs inside you and the hot, breathy groans against your ear at the feeling of your body taking all of him.

"Such a good girl." He smirks against your neck, littering your skin with kisses between his soft praises. You feel one of his hands on your chin, gently directing you to look to your right, over in the direction of the full length mirror.

The reflection you're looking at makes your walls flutter involuntarily because fuck, you really are stuffed full of his cock and he's making sure you're not able to fully enjoy it yet.

With one hand still holding your head in place, making sure you keep watching, Bucky's free hand trails down between your legs, flicking and rubbing your clit again.

"Oh f-fuck." You whine, watching Bucky's smirk widen. You can't sit still. You just can't. You want to grind your hips and take what you need and in that moment, his pleasure and all the instructions he's given you come second. You need to get off, consequences be damned.

"Don't even fucking think about it." He warns, delivering one harsh slap to your clit. It's not overly hard but it's enough to shock you. "You know you're not allowed to cum. I want to feel this pretty pussy dripping first. Don't worry though. Once you're wet and messy enough, I'll fuck you stupid on the carpet, right in front of the mirror. Want you to watch yourself cum so hard you forget your own name."

#asks answered <3 #anon #becca writes spice #Bucky Barnes x reader smut #Bucky Barnes smut #I was so close to writing this with Steve instead of a toy #I had the first class of the year for my LLM last thursday besties #and my lecturer called me 'Rachel' at one point #I couldn't help but laugh #I was DREADING that class #who schedules a class from 10am to 4pm?? #that's hideous #But I went early and I got chatting to my lecturer #I'd never met her before and we were the only two in the room #so I was honest when she asked how I was feeling about the semester #cause I was ANXIOUS but she was lovely about it #and by the end of the class I'd made a few friends 🥺 #so my big panic on Wednesday night was all for nothing #will I learn anything from that?? Probably not. #I'll still be terrified the night before my next class for no reason

[soranker]

Favorite Trigun character?

teehee..... can u guess 🤪🙈

#have to work on hw again so will be answering more qs 👍 #this aint even CLOSE to half of all my drawings of him 🤣💀 #also fellas. we are nearing 1 whole year of drawing wolfwood.💀 #safe to say ive never drawn a single character this many times in my life before 🤣 I'M SLIGHTLY EMBARRASSED BY IT #IT'S MY FIRST TIME HAVING A FAV CHARACTER THAT I CAN BOTH RELATE TO AND THAT'S. LIKE. ACTUALLY DEEP AND INTERESTINGLY WRITTEN LMFAO💀 #like i remember rly being hit by his worldview while reading trimax... i was like whoa........ he thinks just like me fr T_T #and on top of that he also has a really beautiful arc T_T trigun/trimax fr is set up in a way that's like. how could u NOT love this guy!!! #so yeah that's the super short version of why i lawvvv him so much SDJFGHAHA #i dont have a ton of time to get into it atm but i could literally talk about this guy for hours. oh my lord. my little pookie-boo.

[cloudysfluffs]

tickling your human host is SO unfair

(ns//fw and/or fetish blogs please dni🙏🙏)

#my art #tickle art #um. i dont know what to say about this #this is EASILY the most self indulgent thing ive ever posted. so much so that i worked THIS HARD and still considered not posting it #might delete later :pensive: #but you guys SAID YOU WANTED SA//M AND MA//X ART!!!!!!!!! bet you didnt think itd be about this guy huh #im gonna be real with you all papier///waite is just my favorite character Of All Time. easily #why? dont ask questions. just look at him #SPOILERS for tdp obviously #but the first time me n rocket played 304 together #and we saw the reveal of. THESE GUYS. #we both paused the game and went 'HMMMMMMMMMM' out loud #because we both thought the SAME THING. #honestly summoning a tentacle god is lee behavior. whats he gonna use those for? wrecking you? #the answer is yes #imagine being ticklish and also being a lee and accidently fusing with your Favorite God #and he can READ YOUR MND. and picks up on being a ler SO fast. #THATS BEEN THIS GUY'S LIFE FOR 100 YEARS #sam and max the devils playhouse spoilers #sam and max tickle #anyway. *closes eyes for the last time*

[annabelle--cane]

ok i need to know. is the episode called magnussy?

the ep title is not "magnussy." but I will say that after I read it I did wonder "so was the magnussy tweet on purpose?"

#with this title and anusia's vague we might be in for the most Charged magnus episode yet #they can only double entendre so close to the sun #tmagp vague #iwannarunawayandbeapirate #answered

[shanastoryteller]

Happy happy birthday 🎂🎉🥳 Are you still doing the “cursed identity porn” au where LWJ can’t really see the Yiling Patriarch (because the mask?), but still tries to settle into being married to him? (Or JC traveling back in time?) Thanks!

a continuation of 1

“Where do you want the talisman?”

Lan Wangji looks up from checking over his pack one last time to see his husband in his doorway. He lifts an eyebrow.

“I’m going to be wearing the mask but there’s no reason for the enchantment to affect you,” Wei Wuxian says. “You already know what I look like. I have to paint it somewhere on your body – preferably someplace there’s no chance of anyone else seeing.”

Ah. That explains why Wen Qing have never seemed to have the same problems looking at Wei Wuxian that everyone else did during the war.

Lan Wangji considers several locations before untying his belt and shrugging off several layers of robes, letting them pool at his elbows and leaving his chest bare. “Wherever you think is best.”

Wei Wuxian hasn’t so much as given him a covetous glance since their marriage. Lan Wangji can endure it, if he must, endure the lack of his husband’s affection and even endure the way he seems so willing to share it with others. He does not have the soft, delicate features and willowy body of Wen Ning, Meng Yao, or Jiang Yanli. But if nothing else, his place as the number two most eligible male cultivator means that he’s not without his charms.

If he is completely outside of his husband’s tastes, it’s best that he knows that now.

He braces himself for indifference, keeping his expression bland to ensure that Wei Wuxian can’t see how surely it’ll crush him.

“Oh! Uh, um, sure, great,” Wei Wuxian says, voice at least two pitches higher than it is normally as his eyes dart up then down several times, blood rushing to his cheeks and painting them scarlet.

Lan Wangji stares. He has seen Wei Wuxian walk across a battlefield and stare down sect leaders and be harassed by a dozen uncles at once and surrounded by three screaming children and never has he seemed as out of sorts as he does right now.

He lifts up the brush and hesitates. “Is it okay – do you mind if I, is this okay?”

“Yes. You can touch me anywhere,” he says.

Wei Wuxian freezes, blinking rapidly before he swallows. “Oh. Kay.”

This is the best day of Lan Wangji’s life.

His husband steps closer, curling one hand around his bare shoulder to keep him steady and using the other to make small, sure brush strokes against the skin of his left side of his chest, right above his heart. He likes the symbolism. He also likes how Wei Wuxian’s blush doesn’t fade at all.

“There,” he says a few moments later. “Just give it time to dry and it should be fine for a week or so, then I’ll have to reapply. “

“Thank you,” he says, quirking his lips up at the corners when Wei Wuxian finally manages to look him in the eye

His returning grin is blinding. His eyes fall lower twice more before he leaves and Lan Wangji feels the low hum of satisfaction down his spine that he normally only gets from a particularly difficult spar.

His husband is capable of finding him attractive.

He just has to somehow encourage this behavior.

Twenty minutes later Meng Yao sticks his head into his room and demands, “What did you do to him?”

Lan Wangji pauses. Is he upset that he’s gotten Wei Wuxian’s attention? He never seems to mind Wen Ning, but perhaps that arrangement has already been settled between them and he sees Lan Wangji as an intrusion, regardless of his status.

“This is hilarious. Whatever it was, do it again,” he orders before continuing his way down the hall.

With pleasure.

#okay here's the thing #i did previously say i wasn't continuing this one because the post is so long now that it's cursed #and breaking it up at this point after all the scrolling i forced on other people just seems mean #sunken cost fallacy ect #HOWEVER #based on your emoji usage you are the anon that has asked for this for the last several open prompts #your dedication has won #i give in #here we are #prompt answers #prompts are closed #asks #anon #untamed

[the-obnoxious-sibling]

Reading your post about buggy and shanks. I get a lot but why guy like shanks would care about guy like buggy?

Their interactions in marine ford for me were just nostalgia with using buggy for what he needed. The way he talked about him with white beard also seems just nostalgia vibes. He doesn’t even know if he is a pirate or not.

Shanks seems so much more open to others. He parties with Mihawk. Drinks with Whitebeard. His crew interactions. All of them are much better. More honourable. Have courage.

Let’s be honest, buggy is one of the worst people. He is greedy and selfish af.(( I think it’s good he gets some shit from cross guild) I don’t see any reason other than my childhood was with this guy so I have soft spot but nothing special here.

well, if you don’t like buggy, i can see why you’d have trouble imagining what shanks might see in him.

but one of the worst, really? the guy who lied and stole to get a devil fruit is on the same level as the guy who murdered a decades-long ally for a devil fruit? like, yeah, buggy’s greedy and selfish… he’s a pirate. i know most of our heroes are Good And Noble Pirates, but it’s not strange to see pirates in one piece who have more ordinary motives.

imo buggy’s worst trait is not either greed or selfishness, but his two-facedness. he’s got a very very small number of people he actually feels loyalty towards, and everyone else is one bad situation away from getting metaphorically stabbed in the back. he tells himself it’s their fault for thinking they could trust someone like him—or in the case of his impel down followers, that they admire him so much they’d want to die in his place. sometimes he feels bad about it! (he wouldn’t bother trying to justify his actions to himself otherwise!) but self-preservation is always buggy’s highest priority.

he’s made himself into a bit of a self-fulfilling prophecy of untrustworthiness, acting like this… and i find it kind of funny, because buggy takes other people at their word even when they’re obviously manipulating him! a very trusting, very untrustworthy guy. these contradictions are a big part of what i like about buggy as a character.

as for cross guild… i might enjoy the shit buggy gets from them more if it was for anything he did on purpose. like, beat him up for making unilateral one piece-hunting announcements, sure! but he didn’t design that boat. it just feels like punishing him for having followers who buy his hype… who mihawk and crocodile are also taking advantage of, so it’s not like they have any real moral high ground there. they’re just embarrassed to ride on the clown boat.

anyway, you aren’t really asking about buggy’s qualities, you’re asking about shanks’ feelings. and as i’ve mentioned a time or two before, we don’t really have any insight into those in present day! my big shanks/buggy post is about their thoughts and feelings in the past, because those do seem a bit more transparent to me, so i feel more comfortable speaking on them.

but present day shanks…

he says natsukashii when whitebeard brings up buggy, which is usually translated as “nostalgic” or “fondly remembered.” he’s not like buggy, when they parted ways he didn’t linger over any hurt feelings and let them grow bitter. that’s good! that’s healthy behavior! and his knowledge of buggy’s current status is kaze no uwasa de mada kaizoku wo yatteru to kiita, “heard a rumor on the wind [he’s] still being a pirate.” shanks has been on the grand line, in the new world, for years, why would he know anything concrete about a minor east blue pirate? he only learns about luffy’s first east blue bounty because mihawk brings the poster to him; i think we can assume shanks doesn’t have the time to search through newspapers from a distant ocean in the hopes of maybe seeing a one-line reference to an old friend.

i do find it amusing that the verb he uses to describe their separation is also used to mean “break up/divorce” but i’m sure you don’t care about that.

as for being more open with others… it’s not like they reunite under good circumstances. ace and whitebeard have just died, along with who knows how many others; massive bloodshed is only being held off by shanks’ presence and attention. shanks uses buggy to keep his old promise with luffy from being broken because that promise matters to shanks but he cannot afford to put in the time himself, he has to keep the marines from starting shit while they sort through their dead and wounded. it’s not exactly a “let’s get a drink and catch up” moment.

and that’s the only time we’ve seen them interact as adults!

claiming that because shanks wasn’t open with buggy in that moment he would never be open with him in another time and place is an ungenerous interpretation of the character. even if you don’t think the chapter 581 cover is canon, one of the few interests we’ve seen the buggy pirate crew and the red-haired pirate crew have in common is their love for a party. (probably taught to their captains by roger back in the day!) why wouldn’t they hang out and get day drunk if the opportunity presented itself?

and saying “my childhood was with this guy” and “nothing special” in the same sentence cracks me up—it’s not like they were in school together with dozens of other kids! buggy is the only other person who went through that experience. everyone else on the oro jackson was an adult, many of them 20-30 years older than those two. their experience of those events was inherently different. sharing an experience like that with one other person is special, even if that’s all there is between you.

and that’s what your question is ultimately about, right? is that nostalgia for their childhood all that exists between shanks and buggy? i don’t know. i don’t think we’ve seen enough of shanks around buggy in present day—or heard any of shanks’ present day thoughts about buggy—to make a definitive claim one way or another.

sure, on paper buggy seems like the kind of person shanks would look down on at best. but he smiles when buggy chews him out for saying hisashiburi (long time no see/it’s been a while) like he didn’t just lie about having a treasure map for buggy. now, maybe that’s just shanks being amused by a tiny yappy dog who’s no real threat to him. maybe it’s a real, sincere affection for this dumbass who still doesn’t see shanks as a threat. or maybe it’s nostalgia for the dumb fights they used to have as kids, with a hint of disbelief at how little buggy has changed.

even if it is, i don’t think that’s all their relationship has to be. an old fond feeling is a fine place to start from, to build something new—if that’s what they both want.

#asked and answered #not sure what kind of response you’re expecting from me #a person who’s been answering asks about this relationship for weeks now in a strictly positive light #but i never know what people who dislike character a get out of talking to a/b shippers #anyway! so what if it IS just nostalgia! #my childhood friends aren’t lesser to me just because we haven’t stayed close all our lives! #there’s nothing stopping us from becoming close again but our own desire to do so! #translation nitty gritty #(just a bit in the middle there) #one piece #shuggy #buggy #shanks #my meta #*buggy’s bad choices #*ppl being mean to buggy #*shanks hides his feelings

[symphonybracket]

#HI! the bracket may have ended but what if we did extra random polls just for fun... <3 #these poll answers are based on the responses to that post I made in the beginning of this blog! #and i filled in more answers w my own opinions and also some answers from classical music websites lol #for me the answer is very clear: BRUCKNER 4 BABY!!! #classical music #the poll i really wanted to make was which MAHLER symphony has the best opening but i think that's a little too niche lol #for me i think i like mahler 5 best but the opening to 7 is a close second. and i love 10 too. #controversial maybe but i don't love the opening to 2 bc it often sounds so sloppy

[peninkwrites]

(putting my very long, very personal ramble under a readmore so folks can avoid it) (this won't include any of my plans for going forward or for my writing but I'm not going anywhere so don't worry about that. love to you all.)

A little disclaimer: If you have zero context for what I'm talking about, apologies for not explaining in depth, but this post won't be relevant to you otherwise. All you really need to know is that it seems that Wilbur Soot is an abuser, and Shubble came forward and talked about it recently. He was not named, but from what she shared, I believe that was who she was talking about. I don't say this to speculate, and if you disagree, I'm not here to argue over it, but it's enough for me personally to not to want to support him indefinitely, save for Shubble explicitly saying she wasn't talking about him.

Additionally, these thoughts are some incredibly personal and self-centered rambling. It does not reflect where my priorities lie, with supporting Shelby for coming forward above all else, but other people have said that much better than I have, and this post is really just a place for me to vent some of my feelings.

I prided myself on not falling prey to “parasocial relationships.” I didn’t get invested in the personal lives of content creators, only in their creative works. I thought this protected me somehow. I knew next to nothing about Wilbur Soot’s personal life, but I admired him deeply as a writer and empathized with him as an artist. I projected so heavily onto his character and did so for over three years. When I waited for his final dsmp stream, I felt panicked. Like my survival hinged on how he ended this story, and then he ended it in a way I could live with, and I thought I could go on loving this story and these characters for what they had been, no matter how messy the rest of the endings to follow were. His character was mine in so many ways. He had some of my problems and I gave him some of my own. I used him to process quite a bit. And now that part of myself is irrevocably tainted.

When the stuff came out about Dream, I was upset, but not betrayed. I never followed the creator and he existed only as a character to me. All I grieved then was the community his actions destroyed and most importantly the people he hurt. I planned to continue writing for the DSMP, even as I refused to follow any content involving him. It felt like a pause, not a full stop, while I ensured what I was doing did not show him any support. I also gave that character no pity and therefore the man behind him no pity, I had no personal investment in his character.

Now my response is visceral and bitter and I don’t know how to go on writing, because this character meant the world to me. I don’t know how to write about a character I truly love and see myself in, knowing the person who also loved and saw himself in that character, who created that character, has done horrible things. I don’t know how to write any of these other characters I have loved and cared for for over 3 years because he has poisoned them. All of it turns my stomach now and I feel so betrayed. The thought of his character is tainted because it’s connected to his voice and his face. I cannot separate the art from the artist both because it was the inclusion of the authorship within the story which affected me so strongly, and because there are things within the text that I look back on now and can only see that this person was always this way. I couldn’t sleep last night. I kept thinking of c!Wilbur’s line when he found out about exile, “he didn’t actually hit you though“ and his horror when c!Tommy responded that he had, that for some reason that was the turning point. The implication that it was only crossing that line, that particular type of violence, which made something wrong. Fucking disgusting.

I’ve tried to find another story before now. For the last few years, honestly, I’ve looked for something to latch onto the way I have with this one, but nothing feels the way this did. I know I’ve been clinging to something gone or at least mostly gone, both the community and the story, but I haven’t known how to let go when nothing makes me feel the same way, even when the feeling has faded and changed so much with time. This was never supposed to go on this long. Honestly, the reason I started posting mcyt stuff to my sideblog instead of my main was because I assumed I would get over it in a few weeks, delete the posts, and move on. Three years. 40 works. Over a million words. Just. Fuck.

I loved these characters so much and I’ve wrapped up my writing in them for so long it’s hard to separate the two. At this point, it feels like these characters are what allow me to write, separate from the main story, but a place where I could work things out for myself as a person and try new things as a writer. And I’ve tried so hard to feel the same way about the QSMP, but maybe it’s because we’re out of lockdown so I don't have time to watch much, or I’ve just changed more than I’ve thought, but I haven't gotten attached the way I did even when I look at the stories being built there and can see the heart in them, the storytelling, the care, just as much as the DSMP if not more. There’s no good reason for it, it just hasn’t locked into place the way this story had, having been the perfect storm of circumstances. The DSMP came to me during one of the worst years of my life, and I have loved it so much I miss that time even with all the bad it carried too.

And now this thing I have been holding onto can only make me angry, hit me with grief and disgust. Fuck, the only plan I’ve had for an original novel in years is a loose adaptation of TDDD. My senior thesis was largely a novella about two siblings with a complicated relationship, the older fatalistic, the younger brave to the point of ignorance. So even that original project has poison in it now. All of it, all of my fucking work, all of my growth as a writer, all of my writing for over three fucking years has poison in it.

I’ve felt lost as a writer for a long time and the only thing keeping me anchored was these characters. And I don’t know how to cut them away from myself and I don’t know how to cut him away from what’s left when his writing, his character, undeniably gave me so much of a spark. When I’m happy, I write. When I’m sad, I write. There's so much bad in the world right now, but I could always fall back on writing. And now my main means of escape is the grief. Far more than ever before. I know this too shall pass and all that, and this hasn’t actually stolen my ability to write, but right now it all feels so ruined. I don’t know how long it will take for me to be able to look back on what I’ve made and not feel like this. I'd maybe moved on in some ways, but not all. There was so much left I wanted to do.

If you’ve somehow read this far, know that I love this community with my whole heart. I never quite made friends with any of you, even as I wanted to, and it's felt too late for a long time now. My beloved mutuals (and followers that are mutuals in all but name) I have found so much joy with you, in what all of you have created. I wish I could hold onto that above all else, even if I’m not quite sure how. I’m not going anywhere, to be clear. I won’t delete my blog and fall off the face of the earth or anything. I still love what all of you create and care about, even if things have changed and our interests don’t always align anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to detach this story from the creator, to love any of it the way I did or even love what I myself created again. I don’t really know why I’m writing this or if I’ll even post it except for the fact that you all are the only people who could understand.

Again, this was a deeply personal rant, not a statement about the situation as a whole, nor do I think this situation's impact on me takes an ounce of precedent over the person actually involved. The most important takeaway from this is what Shelby has shared, the importance of believing victims, to do what we can to protect ourselves from abuse that doesn’t seem obvious, and to look out for each other. Take care of yourselves, everyone.

#spilled penink #fuck i don't know what to tag this. #wilbur situation #abuse tw #ask to tag #I don't know about my current fics or what I plan to do going forward so don't read this looking for answers on that. #honestly i just had nowhere else to put this. this is something I would have ideally shared just with close friends #but they'd have no idea what I was talking about so here we are. desperate times. #sorry for the doom and gloom. i know there's been a lot of it as of late. please feel free to keep scrolling. #idc if people reblog. this is just. not the important thing right now yknow. #supporting shubble is all that really matters.

[grimgummies]

Not going to lie, I’m surprised the fandom isn’t eating up the new tone shift and characters’ struggles in ep5. Maybe I’m not looking in the right spaces but fandoms usually love that stuff.

I KNOW I mean the amount of angst art that was made prior to the episode really made me think people were gonna take everything from the new ep and run with it. Though that's not to say people didn't. I've seen plenty of people discuss what happened in the episode (especially regarding John and his daughter/his family in general,, people were going insane over that and I get it like we're getting deeper into what happened to him and his family which I'm also super interested in. Plus seeing his photos in Ignacio's house really got people discussing his connections/past with the cult and how there's such a specific focus on John).

#Grim answers #spooky month #maybe I'm also looking in the wrong places pff #but I kinda hate that one of the things I remember regarding the whole John nd Ignacio thing was ppl making a stink out of shipping them #GUYS PLEASE ARE WE NOT GOING TO DISCUSS THE IMPLICATIONS OF IGNACIO KEEPING SUCH A CLOSE EYE ON JOHN SPECIFICALLY?? #OR THE FACT HE LIKELY REPORTED GREGOR TO THE CULT AND HAD HIM KIDNAPPED AND INDOCTRINATED?? #<< Oh and speaking of that some ppl thought Gregor died but I'm like 99% sure they just got him into the cult #I'm pretty sure they only sacrifice children to The Eyes #Plus having a little-known but potentially powerful religious figure work under their cult could work so well in their favour #Like I think I saw someone say that Gregor being in the cult could be a means to get more people into the cult by tricking them into- #thinking Gregor's church is just an innocent regular one. But once you get in it's just another way for the cult to find more members #But no one really thinks much about it since again Gregor is new in town so he's not really known. No one is going to be suspicious of a- #sudden change in behaviour from him (except maybe Jack and John + Skid and Pump but Skid and Pump are too naive to realise) #I went off topic there oops #I JUST REALISED THERE'S SO MUCH FANFIC AND FANART POTENTIAL THERE #CULTIST GREGOR WRITE THAT DOWN WRITE THAT DOWN!!! /silly

[lovelytayforce]

@playful-level4366 Hey sorry I didn't reply like normal but I knew this wouldn't fit down there, considering how long I thought about this question and how to word it. It's kind of a weird dynamic to explain because it's not just about Tai Lung because he's intrically linked to Shifu and Tigress as an abuser, and in a sense I don't think the fandom wants to go over that with him at all. They believe him to be a victim and nothing else. It's true he's a victim, trust me I agree with a lot of Tai fans on that aspect (Hell, I relate to his need to prove himself and also hating who he is, hoping some magical spell will change all our imperfections but I know it won't...) but also he's a terrible abuser to his own Father and Tigress. And that ruins a lot of their fluffy hcs of a soft family learning to come together because that's too realistic for the fandom perspective and view on him. God, I don't wanna be mean but it always seems like when I see discussions on the character its as if we see two very different sides of a burnt piece of toast and see two different types of images, one skewed more by the lighting than anything. Listen, this isn't me telling other Tai fans they can't have their soft hcs for him go ahead but remember you need to stop blaming other characters for who he is, he choose his path. A person even said I was "too harsh" on Tai Lung after explaining all the horrible things HE DECIDED TO DO, that's not harsh. That's the truth and no one wants to go over it because its uncomfortable and I get it to a point but you all also picked the most uncomfortable characters who mirror our very dreary reality when we close our laptops and see the imperfections of our loved ones and ourselves. Tai Lung is a personification of the favored son in many Kung Fu flicks of the past and even the present, how the Father uplifts them to the light of heaven themselves before they ultimately go too far and let them down whilst ignoring the daughter. aka Sexism in the fam. Neat. You latched onto the man that was not only neglected by his own father but the man who abused his father back, both physically and emotionally TWICE to gain what he wanted because he knew Shifu would never hurt him.

Like I had a whole Tai stan block me for daring to remember this scene of a father with a broken hip crawling to his son and mourning what he allowed him to become. Shifu could have died but he still loved that boy despite everything he did to him and what he would continue to do to him. Like if we wanted real redemption arcs of Tai Lung we would go over how he haunted Shifu's consciousness and led him to close himself off to his next child, Tigress, whom is always left out of the conversation cause no one wants to talk about the woman neglected and abused by her father and older brother. A popular fic even admitted to not even wanting to touch Shifu and Tigress' dynamic, do you see the problem here???? I know many of you may not know or even care but I write fanfic for this fandom focusing on that aspect of Tigress' character along with Shifu, its not always fun and I've probably stumbled and made mistakes but its a story worth telling. Because in the end, Tigress is still alive and so is Shifu! Tai Lung isn't he had his chance and ruined it. Most Tai redemption fics are easily consumable because they don't want to go over the unsavory aspects of Tai Lung's character; The fraud, the continued abuse of his own father because everything he does is to hurt Shifu personally so he can get what he wanted in the end. Po was just another piece to hurt him (Shifu) as stated on the bridge. No, in the end, they want to go over how Shifu hurt him as a child and try to lure Tigress to his side, despite the fact he belittled her when they first met. But you know, how else are we supposed to get hehe bickering siblings. Cause that's easier to consume than realizing she'd want nothing to do with him after hurting her friends and her father. There's just an overall lack of autonomy given to the characters that the movies relish in. The fandom is too scared to allow them to be themselves because pointing the finger at Oogway who allows people to grow at their own pace is easier than realizing; Tai lung and Shifu never listened to him. Like think of a person this week who did exactly what you told em to do? and did they do it? Probably not, people are fucking stubborn. Me, included. People love learning the hard way, that's just the truth! Even toddlers take a min to listen to one task! So, I wouldn't even call it whitewashing, it's this desire to ignore canon to support their own hcs because if they told his actual story all of their concepts would fall apart to the wayside to see, the only true victim in the end, was a woman. Tigress. No one wants to go over that, that's a lot of work, that's a touchy subject but it's why I love these characters, there so raw and horrible which makes their stories compelling enough to stand beside the likes of Seven Samurai. It's that good!! So, to end this all, no they don't. Even Traces of Spring which I still follow because I love the art falls into this safe way of going about telling his story and sidelining the character who mirrors who he could have been, Tigress. Because she's not that cool to them despite the fact she controls herself better than he does. And had the opportunity to be a hero as great as she was if he set aside his selfish, obsession, and toxic views. But you know he's hot to some people, so he's a good boy deep down.

Yup. Uh huh.

#god i need to stop thinking so much about fandom portrayals but its so interesting #taylor talks #replies #kung fu panda #tai lung #hope this answered your question #i was this close to writing like a black perspective on this cause I relate too much to these characters #their body language is so telling #but we cant have nuance #imma get shit on for this aint I?