Tumgik
#i was this close to writing like a black perspective on this cause I relate too much to these characters
lovelytayforce · 3 months
Text
Tumblr media
@playful-level4366 Hey sorry I didn't reply like normal but I knew this wouldn't fit down there, considering how long I thought about this question and how to word it. It's kind of a weird dynamic to explain because it's not just about Tai Lung because he's intrically linked to Shifu and Tigress as an abuser, and in a sense I don't think the fandom wants to go over that with him at all. They believe him to be a victim and nothing else. It's true he's a victim, trust me I agree with a lot of Tai fans on that aspect (Hell, I relate to his need to prove himself and also hating who he is, hoping some magical spell will change all our imperfections but I know it won't...) but also he's a terrible abuser to his own Father and Tigress. And that ruins a lot of their fluffy hcs of a soft family learning to come together because that's too realistic for the fandom perspective and view on him. God, I don't wanna be mean but it always seems like when I see discussions on the character its as if we see two very different sides of a burnt piece of toast and see two different types of images, one skewed more by the lighting than anything. Listen, this isn't me telling other Tai fans they can't have their soft hcs for him go ahead but remember you need to stop blaming other characters for who he is, he choose his path. A person even said I was "too harsh" on Tai Lung after explaining all the horrible things HE DECIDED TO DO, that's not harsh. That's the truth and no one wants to go over it because its uncomfortable and I get it to a point but you all also picked the most uncomfortable characters who mirror our very dreary reality when we close our laptops and see the imperfections of our loved ones and ourselves. Tai Lung is a personification of the favored son in many Kung Fu flicks of the past and even the present, how the Father uplifts them to the light of heaven themselves before they ultimately go too far and let them down whilst ignoring the daughter. aka Sexism in the fam. Neat. You latched onto the man that was not only neglected by his own father but the man who abused his father back, both physically and emotionally TWICE to gain what he wanted because he knew Shifu would never hurt him.
Tumblr media
Like I had a whole Tai stan block me for daring to remember this scene of a father with a broken hip crawling to his son and mourning what he allowed him to become. Shifu could have died but he still loved that boy despite everything he did to him and what he would continue to do to him. Like if we wanted real redemption arcs of Tai Lung we would go over how he haunted Shifu's consciousness and led him to close himself off to his next child, Tigress, whom is always left out of the conversation cause no one wants to talk about the woman neglected and abused by her father and older brother. A popular fic even admitted to not even wanting to touch Shifu and Tigress' dynamic, do you see the problem here???? I know many of you may not know or even care but I write fanfic for this fandom focusing on that aspect of Tigress' character along with Shifu, its not always fun and I've probably stumbled and made mistakes but its a story worth telling. Because in the end, Tigress is still alive and so is Shifu! Tai Lung isn't he had his chance and ruined it. Most Tai redemption fics are easily consumable because they don't want to go over the unsavory aspects of Tai Lung's character; The fraud, the continued abuse of his own father because everything he does is to hurt Shifu personally so he can get what he wanted in the end. Po was just another piece to hurt him (Shifu) as stated on the bridge. No, in the end, they want to go over how Shifu hurt him as a child and try to lure Tigress to his side, despite the fact he belittled her when they first met. But you know, how else are we supposed to get hehe bickering siblings. Cause that's easier to consume than realizing she'd want nothing to do with him after hurting her friends and her father. There's just an overall lack of autonomy given to the characters that the movies relish in. The fandom is too scared to allow them to be themselves because pointing the finger at Oogway who allows people to grow at their own pace is easier than realizing; Tai lung and Shifu never listened to him. Like think of a person this week who did exactly what you told em to do? and did they do it? Probably not, people are fucking stubborn. Me, included. People love learning the hard way, that's just the truth! Even toddlers take a min to listen to one task! So, I wouldn't even call it whitewashing, it's this desire to ignore canon to support their own hcs because if they told his actual story all of their concepts would fall apart to the wayside to see, the only true victim in the end, was a woman. Tigress. No one wants to go over that, that's a lot of work, that's a touchy subject but it's why I love these characters, there so raw and horrible which makes their stories compelling enough to stand beside the likes of Seven Samurai. It's that good!! So, to end this all, no they don't. Even Traces of Spring which I still follow because I love the art falls into this safe way of going about telling his story and sidelining the character who mirrors who he could have been, Tigress. Because she's not that cool to them despite the fact she controls herself better than he does. And had the opportunity to be a hero as great as she was if he set aside his selfish, obsession, and toxic views. But you know he's hot to some people, so he's a good boy deep down.
Tumblr media
Yup. Uh huh.
27 notes · View notes
kristiemewisstan · 25 days
Text
The Tortured Poets Department: The Anthology Review (or me slowly going from spiraling in excitement to madness to sadness in 1 hour):
The Black Dog-
SO GOOD THIS IS SO GOOD IM YELLING THIS HAS MY FAV PRODUCTIKN THUS FAR I STILL XANT BELIEVE IT EITHER TAYLOR WHAT TGE FUCK | listen 2 cause I was to hype to truly listen, the magic fabric of her dreamin’ 🥺, oh the original father cheated song, DO YOU HATE ME? ooooof the fact that she felt made fun of by him and still went on to do her shit is so strong and I love her, your honor
imgonnagetyouback-
This one is VERY GOLD RUSH and I’m in love (I’m so sorry I’m not gonna be able to be unbiased rn because I’m too fucking excited), the ahh ahhhhs are so GOOOOOOODDDDD
The Albatross-
“One less temptress one less dagger to sharpen” OOF I feel like I’m in terrible danger of a heart attack, Taylor, I-I Love This Song So Much it’s so folklore
Chloe or Sam or Sophia or Marcus-
THIS IS SO GOOOOOOOOOD TAYLOR WHAY THE FUCK MAN, Certified Horse Girl, I’m gonna need to be medicated after this
How Did It End?-
I HEREBY CONDUCT THIS POSTMORTEM IS SUCH A HARD LINE TO START A SONG WITH, the amount of piano overall in these pleases me IMMENSELY, SITTING IN A TREE D-Y-I-N-G yeah Taylor that’s what YOU ARE DOING TO ME
So High School-
THIS IS WHAT I WANTED THE WHOLE ALBUM TO BE, 💯 made to vibe like a coming of age story, “YOU GONNA MARRY KISS OR KILL ME” I LOVE HER, bridge goes HARD
I Hate It Here-
scared to go outside, OH MU GOD JUST THE WHOLE SONG I KEEP WANTING TO WRITE LYRICS DOWN, so folklore, this ones it, ITS IT I LOVE IT SO MUCH
thanK you aIMee-
Oh so we cheated okay Joe I see how it is your days are numbered, SING FUCK YOU AIMEE, HELL YEAH TAYLOR, ID WRIT A THOUSAND SONGS THE YOU FIND UNCOOL, ITS ON SIGHT, OH ITS HAPPY NOW YAY
I Look in People’s Windows-
Okay stalker much lol, this one is sad :(, very pretty though I’m sorry I can’t focus on the lyrics I’m too hype, very folklore so very sad
The Prophecy-
THIS SOUNDS LIKE ANOTHER SONG BUT I CANT PLACE IT it’s gonna kill me, “who do I have to speak to about if they can redo the prophecy” rip my heart out my god, DONT NEED MONEY JUST SOMEONE WHO WANTS MY COMPANY, also a very sad one
Cassandra-
snake mention 🐍, THE ALTO UNDERLAY OH MY GOD, I normally am not the largest fan of vocal layering when it’s this obviously but this is absolutely lovely, this one tells a VERY GOOD story, “BUT THEY NEVER SPARED A BRICK FOR MY SOUL” OOOOOOF
Peter-
the piano started off this song and I immediately smiled and it ends up being such a bittersweet song, “promises oceans deep but never to keep” these songs rip my heart more and more and more, CAUSE LOVES NEVER LOST WHEN PERSPECTIVE IS EARNED this really hurt me, this longing hurts me
The Bolter-
She’s a runner she’s a track star! THE CHORUS ugh I love it Taylor why do you have to be so good, yeah this one was very good and I relate to being scared of commitment after heartache SOOO MUCH
Robin-
“Strings tied to lovers” IM CRYING, “ALL THIS SHOWMANSHIP TO KEEP IT” JOSEPH YOU FUMBLED SO HARD, THE INVISIBLE STRING RIFF IM ALREADY CRYING YOU DIDNT NEED TO DO THAT TO ME, i will never be able to listen to this song and invisible string in the same day I think it’s genuinely break me
The Manuscript-
the opening piano made me close my eyes and take a deep breath in, New Year’s Day vibes BUT SAD, oh god you know what I’ll kill him, I’ll take the hit, she knew what the agony had been for 🥹 fuck
First Listen Overall- 10/10
I have no notes it was everything I dreamed the actual album would be Taylor please let me buy this on vinyl I need to have it in my grasp also please give me the lyrics written out so I can analyze it plz
I don’t have a favorite they are all my favorite you could pay me to choose
7 notes · View notes
howtobecomeadragon · 2 years
Text
Another paralleled conversation between Will and Mike and Lucas and Max!!!
Thank you to the anon who asked me to look a little closer at these two scenes together due to Will holding the rubber band ball and Lucas holding the pinecone. It connects the scenes and as I'll explain, the scenes are structured very similarly, but Will and Lucas aren't in the same roles in these conversations: Lucas is paralleled to Mike, Will is paralleled to Max.
Tumblr media
Starting off, both conversations are preceded by some squabbling and snarking: between Jonathan and Owens' agents, and Steve and Dustin. We cut to Will and Max complaining about the topic of the squabbling, and then noticing that Mike and Lucas are distracted.
Tumblr media
Will and Max check in with Mike and Lucas, and then Mike and Lucas talk about someone they've lost recently: El to Owens and Patrick to Vecna.
Tumblr media
Mike and Lucas talk about the issue at hand: Mike and El were fighting (the fight started with Mike confronting El about a lie: her lies about Lenora, making friends, etc), and Lucas is reflecting on what must've been going on with Patrick (and how that came back to Patrick's lie about the cause of the black eye).
Tumblr media
Lucas and Mike are both regretting not stepping in when they could've: Mike could've said "I love you" to El and been there to protect her from whatever is happening with Owens. Lucas could've not looked the other way when Patrick lied about having the black eye.
"I didn't really know Patrick" though, if we're directly paralleling these conversations, this could apply to Mike with El. Mike doesn't know El enough to have caught onto her lie about how things were going in Lenora, or to know what to do about it. Mike and El knew each other for 1 week, Mike thought she was lost or dead for a year, they were close from November or December - July, they were broken up (I think?) from July to October, and then she moved. The next 5 months, they only communicated by letters. So they don't know each other extremely well. They've spent less than year physically together, during which time El herself is still figuring out who she is.
Tumblr media
And here's where things get interesting. I'm going to keep paralleling the conversations, but while this makes it seem like Lucas's talking about Max is paralleled to Mike talking about El, I don't think it is.
Lucas has learned from his mistake with Patrick and he knows Max better: he understands that he didn't fully see what Max was struggling with before. On the other hand, Will is the one to suggest that even though Mike didn't say that thing yet, he can when she returns. WILL suggests it, once again pushing their relationship. And Mike looks uncomfortable at the idea.
Tumblr media
The conversations diverge here, but I think it still fits. Will and Mike discuss Will's feelings about Owens, while Lucas and Max continue discussing their relationship and what happened. Mike doesn't want to linger on El, he moves on to what Will is concerned about. He's seeking to know Will better, get his perspective, he's listening.
This could also relate back to Will and Mike's miscommunication from the time after the Byers moved. Both of them disappeared on the other in a way: Will not reaching out more because he felt rejected, Mike's calls not getting through and not writing letters.
Tumblr media
Mike and Lucas are in the protector roles for Will and Max. We see a repeated line for both Will and Lucas: "that was you guys who saved me, that was you guys" vs "but I see you now, I see you." And it shows that just like Lucas, Mike does see Will and he's trying to look hard enough to see what Will needs, what will keep him safe, and what will make him happy. Mike isn't always on target, but we that focus coming together at the end of the season as Will talks about feeling Vecna again.
Tumblr media
And then we move on to one of the older teens who have definitely been eavesdropping on the conversation: Jonathan cuts in, picking up the conversation where Will and Mike left it off, and Robin commenting on how cute Lucas and Max are. This parallel leaves me wondering if Jonathan was thinking something similar to what Robin said, but about Will and Mike ("they're adorable, maybe they'll rekindle that old flame").
Here are just a couple more tidbits pointing to this Lucas and Max conversation being a big parallel to Mike and Will and not Mike and El:
Tumblr media
Lucas's whole focus here is that he's behind Max 100% going forward. He wants to be with her, protect her, see her. Mike, on the other hand, looks happy to be in on Jonathan's initial plan to go to Hawkins, NOT to go rescue El. Also Lucas's iconic line: "I see you." We spend the rest of the season watching as Mike sees Will, over and over again.
Tumblr media
On the other hand, if this conversation was a parallel to Mike and El, we would've seen Mike making a bigger effort to see El when they reunite. Instead, all season long, we get imagery that Mike doesn't see El, literally with his sunglasses and Pizza glasses. He also talks to her when he's not sure if she can hear him and when her eyes are closed, so she can't see him either.
70 notes · View notes
1-danid · 10 months
Text
Request Rules
On the very rare a miraculous event that I open my requests for writing these are the rules I'll need you to follow.
Check if request are open, if you make a request when there closed I'll reply to it like its a concept or sm, and not a request. Not even out of spite but because I wasn't expecting to write anything.
I will not write smut or nsfw topics, for example self harm comfort, simply because those topics are too triggering for me to post them on my blog. My blog is supposed to be a safe space for everyone and those topics can be really triggering for some people.
Be specific with what you want me to write, for example. "Could I request a headcannon, for dating teen Vi from Arcane." This format ensures i know what i'm writing. " *type of fic* first *content of fic* second and then any other information you want to add. This only changes for preferences were I'll ask you to list the character you want, no more than 3 per request.
While anyone can make a request (if their open like that) limit yourself to 2 maximum 3 requests because request pile up quickly and if three people make three request that's 9 fics i have to write, it becomes overwhelming really quickly.
I will not do male readers, sorry boys. I'm female myself (she/they bitches) so I'll happily write a female or gender neutral perspective, on that note however i don't feel comfortable writing trans readers simply because i can't relate to those struggles, while my blog is a safe space for all my trans followers and moots i will not be writing stories tailored to those struggles.
I will do race based readers on one condition. No "can i have a vi x white female reader." If you want to make requests like that this is not the blog for it, I am a black and british minor, ill happily represent my fellow brown skinned girls in my writing, but their is so many already white tailored and written fics on every fanfiction site, like i don't know about you but you can hardly say I turn red when I'm flustered.
Have fun requesting, I'll write pretty much anything that interests me, so if you have an idea or concept you want written. Give it to me on the most detailed way possible. It'll help me make it.
I don’t write the imagines in a specific order. I write based on what inspires me the most, not by who requested first, just for the sake of getting the imagines out faster.
If you've read this far put a "^-^" in your request I'll try to get to it faster cause you've read all my rules. #i-appreciate-you-very-much.
I do write the occasional crossovers and I can try my hand at AUs, and song prompts. You can also request drabbles/concepts and headcanons.
Have fun with your request! Even if i don't end up writing it I may be able to guide you to one of my wonderful author mutuals who would happily write for those characters and fulfill your request.
Thank you for reading my rules!! I hope you have fun requesting, remember im only human so requests may be late or delayed. Even though i'm chronically online I have a life away from my screens.
-dani
2 notes · View notes
magicalblerdpenn · 10 months
Text
So earlier this week, I had a nightmare. I dreamt that I died and was wandering around as a ghost holding my cell phone. My mom and my sister were calling it, trying to reach me but I couldn't answer. And for some reason, I went to visit my closest internet friend and tried to get their attention. I distinctly remember taking my finger and writing their name on a surface, but they didn't notice.
I knew this dream was related to my depression but I didn't really understand it until today. As much as my passive suicidal ideation scares me, dying without leaving anything good behind me scares me even more. I think that's why I couldn't reach anyone in my dream as a ghost; I was in limbo, unable to move on but also unable to reach my loved ones.
There is a Linkin Park song that fits my situation perfectly, "Leave Out All The Rest", especially the very first verse:
"I dreamed I was missing
You were so scared
But no one would listen
Cause no one else cared
After my dreaming
I woke with this fear
What am I leaving
When I'm done here?"
The last few days put things in perspective. Yesterday, my sister called and told me she loved me and was proud of me. On Tuesday, my close internet friend reminded me that I didn't have to be perfect and that I was already interesting and special the way I was.
Today, my cousin said she liked a digital comic book I got her for her birthday today. Not only that, an up and coming Black queer R&B singer I interviewed today for an article said she enjoyed talking with me.
There is a small part of me that believes that it wouldn't matter if I died suddenly. However, a bigger part of me wants to prove my depression wrong. I don't want to leave only pain behind when I die; I want to be remembered for how I really mattered as a person.
0 notes
yoonjinkooked · 3 years
Text
Anyone But The Groom | myg
Tumblr media
❅ Summary: After a meet-cute that brings all the romcoms to shame, you realize that for once in your life, the stars have finally aligned and presented you a guy that might be able to make you believe in love at first sight. Only to find out that you’re in charge of planning his Christmas Eve Wedding.
Tumblr media
❅ Title: Anyone But The Groom
❅ Pairing: Yoongi x female reader
❅ AU: Wedding Planner reader x Arranged Marriage groom Yoongi
❅ Genre: fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, will-they-won’t-they type of relationship
❅ Word Count: 36.5k (I AM SO SORRY)
❅ Warnings: cursing, alcohol, Yoongi not technically cheating on his fiancé but it’s a gray area (flirting), angst, TWO POV CHANGES IN THE FIC (Yoongi’s perspective), excplicit smut: edging (m receiving), overstimulation (f receiving), cumplay, cumeating, fingering, handjob, unprotected sex, creampie. Also, the character of Sojung is Sowon from Gfriend (her real name) so if you wanna imagine her like I did while writing, go ahead. 
❅ Movie Inspo: The Wedding Planner (2001)
Tumblr media
The amazing banner is by @kookdiaries, of course.  This fic is a part of the Christmas in July collab, the  A Winter Wedding Season part, hosted by @kookdiaries, @kithtaehyung and @xiaokoo. 
A lot of people beta-ed this monster so if i forget to mention someone PLEASE shout at me to edit! Betas, Editors, Test Readers that I can’t thank enough: @joyfulhopelox, @xiaokoo, @sunshinekims, @bangtanhome @kithtaehyung & last but not least @dinamitae. Thank you, it meant the world to me. 
So there we go. My first ever collab. Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think of the story and if it’s what you expected 🧡 Taglist is at the very bottom 🧡 (btw, this was a bitch to format and i am sorry if there are any mistakes!)
Tumblr media
You are a fool for not taking the basket - a fool that had made that very same mistake countless times, a fool that should have known better. Yet here you are, juggling various boxes of Christmas lights, struggling to squeeze the phone between your shoulder and ear as you listen to Taehyung rant, sounding rather unhinged. 
“I’m dead serious, I will talk to Marianne and tell her that we need to stop using that caterer. This is like the fourth time he fucked me up to the point of nearly ruining the entire event!” he complains. You can relate, having been on the receiving end of catering trouble with the particular company he is yapping about and while you wanted to help or somehow console him, now is not the time. 
“Taehyung, I love you to bits and understand your frustrations but I am literally drowning in white wired neutral colored Christmas lights, trying to differentiate them from black wired neutral Christmas lights and pick one of each and my phone is about to slide from my shoulder, fall to the ground and break into a billion pieces - I can’t talk right now.” 
“You could have been a normal person and invested in wireless headphones, you know.” 
“I don’t want to pay for something that I’ll end up losing in a matter of days,” you point out in irritation, having already been through this conversation with him. More than once. 
“Or regular wired headphones even, that would give you-” 
“Taehyung, I can’t talk. Bye,” you interrupt him, still hearing him rant as you juggle the boxes in your hands attempting to free one and finally end the call. A minor struggle ensues and two boxes fall out of your hands but at least you can put your phone away. You need a moment, though. Deep breaths, just like your therapist had told you. In and out, eyes closed, ignoring the annoying and incredibly loud music that fills the store. 
Okay, you are focused and in control. Easy and simple: get what you need and leave as soon as possible. You just have to open each box and make sure that the lights in them are the ones described on the shelf - it wouldn’t be the first time that the store mistakenly labels them and causes you to want to break a thing or two. 
You hug the seven boxes close to your chest, having made sure you’ve picked every single neutral one you could find. Unfortunately, as you make your way to the cash register, little trinkets catch your attention - Christmas decor was in full swing late November and having a few Christmas themed events set up, your mind was in overdrive - the little snow angels can be used as gifts for the company Christmas dinner you were in charge of organizing - and the candy canes will be a good addition to pretty much every single event scheduled in December. When it comes to decorations, you have the attention span of a goldfish. 
And there it goes again - your attention, fleeting from your grasp. This time, it isn’t because of the displayed items - it is because of a man. And admittedly, it’s been a while since that has happened. Standing in front of the ornament section, dressed in a long black coat with a beanie covering his platinum hair, he looks as confused as a cat trying to catch a laser. You’re close enough to see his facial features clearly - he looks both cute and serious, as if he was making a life changing decision and not picking Christmas ornaments. He is attractive enough to make you stop in your tracks immediately. 
You stand there, like a complete idiot, still clutching your haul, as you try to decide if it’s even worth it. Approaching a random man in a store for no reason other than finding him attractive might be a sign that you should worry about the state of your love life, or lack thereof. On the other hand, why not? You can help out a guy in need and maybe flirt a bit, just to make sure you still ‘got it’. Reasons don’t matter anyway, not when you feel this sudden, unexplainable urge - to see him up close, to try and speak with him, help him - anything. It was as if a magnet was dragging you to him, despite all common sense. 
Maybe you have gone insane - it would come as a surprise to absolutely no one, given the abundance of stress caused by work - it’s always hectic but holiday season is pure and utter hell. Yes, you may very well completely off your rocker but you decide to walk towards him. He doesn’t register your presence, not until you are standing right next to him - he is startled, jumping in surprise but chuckling soon enough. 
“You scared me,” he shakes his head, giving you a quick once over. 
“Sorry,” you awkwardly respond, taking the opportunity to have a better look at him - the hair under the beanie is definitely dyed, making him look younger than he probably is - you wouldn’t give him 30, but he’s not too far off, you’d say. “You looked very… confused?” 
“By this?” He waves at the shelf in front of him and you nod. “I very much am, yes. Can you help? Do you work here?” he inquires. 
“With how much time I spend here, I might as well,” you mumble under your breath but he caught it, an inquisitive eyebrow catching your attention. “I’m an event planner, shops like these are practically my storage unit,” you shrug - a big mistake. Just as one of the boxes slid out of your grasp, he reaches out and catches the box before it hits the ground. 
“Nice reflexes,” you don’t hide that you’re impressed - he practically pulled the Edward apple move right in front of you. 
“I used to play sports back in the day,” he shrugs casually. “So, event planner, huh? I imagine you know a thing or two about buying presents then?” 
“A thing or two?” you snort at his suggestion. “I know entirely too much about it - and I’m offering my present buying expertise pro-bono - what are you looking for?” You can’t hold back a smile when he offers one to you, obviously amused by the exchange that you have initiated. It is still very random, but at least it turned into a friendly conversation. 
“I need two gifts,” he tells you, resuming the scanning of the shelf in front of him. “Either unisex or for a woman. And I have no idea what they need or want to get,” he tells you. 
“Hmmm,” you ponder out loud, already narrowing down the list of options that was forming in your mind. “On a scale from one to ten, how much does each of them mean to you? Because that will immediately limit our budget and thoughtfulness,” you joke. 
“Well, one is literally a one, because I don’t even know the person - it’s just a cordial gift that I have to get. And the other one,” he frowns, making you smile at the sight of him trying to put a number on how much the person means to him. “I’d say… a three?” 
“Ouch,” you laugh. “A one and a three. Okay, we’re keeping it fairly low budget then. Let me borrow that shopping basket of yours for these lights and I’ll find you the perfect gift,” you suggest, trying to ignore the giddiness that was taking over you at the sound of his laugh as he thrust his basket towards you, letting you drop all of the boxes into it and freeing your hands in the process. You make a move to take the basket from him, but he shakes his head - oh, he’s also a gentleman. So far, so good. 
“The least I can do is carry your load, especially if you save my ass,” he jokes. “Now, where do we start, Miss Event Planner?” 
“It’s Y/N,” you roll your eyes. “Pleasure to meet you, by the way,” you offer him a hand which he accepts immediately. God, his skin is soft! Why are you even noticing that? 
“Nice to meet you, Y/N. I’m Yoongi.” 
“Well, Yoongi, we’re obviously not looking for anything too expensive or personal,” you explain as you start walking, smiling as he follows you immediately. “If you don’t know someone or don’t particularly care for them, you want to go for something that can either be used, something functional and handy, or something so incredibly neutral that they can easily re-gift it if they don’t care for it.” 
“Is there a whole… branch of science dedicated to gift buying?” he laughs in bewilderment - you turn just in time to catch traces of a cute smile, before he manages to hide it. Why, you’re not sure. All you know is, he’s cute and you’re making him laugh, which is more than enough in your book. 
“If there is, I’ve earned a PhD,” you joke. “Seriously though, if you don’t know them, the less thought you put into it, the better. A kitchen tool is always a good idea - if they don’t need a fancy strainer for their pasta, they definitely know someone who needs it.” 
“Well, I don’t know one, but three definitely doesn’t do any cooking,” he informs you. 
“Hmmm,” once again, the mental gift list in your head is sized down. “What’s our budget?” 
“Ugh, anything,” he shrugs awkwardly. “I don’t want to be a cheap gift giver but I’m also not sure if I need to break the bank for it.”
“Candles!” you decide immediately, smiling as you notice the surprise on his face with the sudden exclamation. “You can never go wrong with candles. Decorative and practical, and if they don’t want it for some strange reason, they can give it to someone else easily. Also, the good ones aren’t too cheap so it’s right in the price range you’re aiming for.” 
“You… are really good at this,” he laughs. Someone being impressed by your talent in gift buying is a new one but you’d be lying if you said that his reaction didn’t flatter you. 
“We’re all good at something - candles are on the left,” you lead him through the store. “What are you good at? I take it, not gift buying?” 
“Absolutely not,” he laughs. “I’m in finance. Stupid, stressful, office job.” 
“It’s not stupid if you like it. Although, even if you do like it, it can still get stressful. Every career path has its ups and downs,” you shrug as you stop in front of the candle section, immediately hit by the smell of what you can only describe as Christmas. The cinnamon, apple, mulled wine and vanilla mixtures encompass the both of you and if you weren’t in the danger of fainting from the strength of it, you’d take a deep breath to take it all in. Christmas time is hectic but nothing beats the smell of it. 
“I imagine your job is like that,” he reaches for one of the candles, twisting it disinterestedly. “Everyone thinks it sounds fun, and on paper it does, but it’s one of those things that’s a lot harder than it looks like.” 
“It definitely is,” you confirm, glad that for once in your life, you have met someone who gets it. Everyone thinks that party and event planning is all fun and games - while sometimes it is, they obviously never had to handle a drunk bridal party, a ruined wedding cake, last minute caterer cancellation or a fire caused by fireworks after repeatedly telling the host to not fire them off inside. “It’s fun on most days though and I’m pretty good at it, so I don’t complain much. But we have more pressing issues to resolve - which scents do we pick? What do you think? Anything drawing your attention?” you ask, not wanting to push your choices on him. In your line of work, you guide people towards their decisions, help them pick and then make it a reality. You don’t make the decisions in their stead and you definitely won’t do it now. 
Not unless Yoongi specifically asks, that is. And given how lost he looks at the abundance of candles displayed before you, he probably will. 
“I want to play it safe so… vanilla?” it sounds more like a question than a statement - one that makes you wince - he frowns, reacting to your disappointment. “What? Why not?” 
“You’re not wrong, it is simple,” you let him know, reaching for a different vanilla candle, this one slightly smaller than the one in his hand. “Unfortunately, vanilla is a big hit or miss. I mean, all scents are, really. But I’ve met people who have quite visceral reactions to the smell of vanilla and can’t stand it. Maybe your 1 and 3 hate it, too.” 
“Okay, so no vanilla?” he asks, to which you can only shrug. “You’re more trouble than you are help, you know,” he jokingly comments in a whiny tone. 
“I’m just saying what I’ve learnt from experience,” you lift your hands in surrender, still clutching the vanilla candle. “Look, the safest bet would be something Christmas-y. They might still hate the scent, but it follows a theme that we’re going to be living with for the next couple of weeks. And if they hate it, they can make it a Christmas gift for someone.” 
“What does Christmas even smell like?” he frowns. “You’re lucky you’re in finance,” you roll your eyes, not missing the smile that appears on his face. “Christmas smells like… home. A warm hug. Gingerbread houses, candy canes and cinnamon. Family time and mulled wine for when you can’t stand family time anymore,” you describe it to the best of your ability, realizing that it might make you sound weird - it’s too late for that. “If I were you, I’d go for apple cinnamon or mulled wine. Or one of each.” 
“Apple cinnamon and mulled wine?” he asks. 
“Dude, if Mariah Carey is blasting through the speakers, buying Christmas themed gifts is the safest bet you can make,” you point out, no longer able to ignore the sound of her belting out high notes over the store’s speakers. Yoongi contemplates your words for a long moment, still looking over his options. You can’t hide a smile when he finally makes his selection - one apple cinnamon, one mulled wine. Placing them into his basket, he turns to you, tutting his head to the side. 
“Now, how in the world do I decide which one to give to whom?” 
“Nuh-huh,” you laugh, shaking your finger no. “That was pro bono. The rest of my services come with a price, I'm afraid.” 
“Would a cup of coffee be enough of a payment?” 
You are able to catch the meaning behind his tone - it’s not just a joke, it’s a proposition. You didn’t imagine that it could get as far as getting coffee with him but the suggestion is clear. And in your mind, you’d be a fool to refuse. 
“Hm. I can work with that,” you exchange smiles, with you growing increasingly amused by the subtle blush that colors his cheeks. Realizing he might be into you, you do your darn best not to skip as you follow him towards the cash registers. 
Tumblr media
Two cups of coffee later, tears of laughter fill your eyes as you clutch to your stomach, bending over, attempting to keep your voice low and not attract the attention of other customers. Yoongi’s laughing, too - more amused by your reaction than by his story. 
“No wonder you’re hopeless with gift buying,” you wipe your eyes. “You must have used the remainder of this years’ luck to run into me today, of all people.” 
“I know, right? The only better option would be a personal gift shopper,” he jokes. 
“Uh, debatable,” you argue, instantly making him shake his head with laughter. “Remember, most of the events I plan have goodie bags. I could transfer careers to become a personal shopper in a blink of an eye.” 
“Would you want that, though?” he asks, turning the conversation towards a bit more serious, although still laid back topic. “Or is event planning something you always wanted to do?” he wonders. 
“It wasn’t my childhood dream, if that’s what you’re asking, but if I were to look back, I’m not sure if I even remember what my dream was,” you tell him honestly. ‘It happened by chance, just a product of knowing the right people and good organizational skills. The rest you learn as you go, I suppose. Trends change, people want different things. Understand, adapt and organize. It’s keeping me content at the moment but who knows what the future holds?” you emphasize your words with a shrug, consciously refusing to think about the promotion that has been mentioned by your boss, a few times in the past weeks. You’ll think about that once your next wedding is a success. 
“I wish I had that kind of… is spontaneity the right word?” he wonders to himself. “I’m more of a careful planner, with clear ideas where I want myself, my business and my life to go.” 
“Oh, I’m a control freak at work,” you laugh immediately. “I have to be, if I want to keep myself sane and my clients happy. But in life… I’m still at a place where I’m perfectly fine with going with the flow.” 
“That’s what I envy,” Yoongi points out, sighing wistfully as he leans back into his seat. “Tell me, does planning weddings make you want to make your own a seven day extravaganza festival or something?” 
“That depends entirely on the person,” you laugh, remembering how Taehyung has his own personal scrapbook of ideas that he keeps to himself alone, ideas he plans to use when his day comes. “I think it drove me in the opposite direction, honestly. At the ceremony and the wedding party, I’m on the sidelines, observing and ready to fix any possible issue. I like staying on the side. Once my time comes, if it comes, I’ll probably just elope.” 
“Funny,” he comments, offering you a smile. “It’s a bit… contradictory, isn’t it?” 
“Is it, though? I’ve seen it all, from drunken uncles making a scene on the dance floor to four-piece cakes falling apart in front of the bride’s eyes. I don’t want that shit for myself,” you chuckle, shaking your head as you feel your spine tingle at the very thought of that being something you experience on your wedding day. “I just want peace with my man, you know. We can find an excuse to party anytime - I want that day to be simple and meaningful. Although talking about it is absolutely useless, since I don’t intend to wed anytime soon.” 
“Oh, come on,” he laughs in disbelief and you giggle, shaking your head. “You can’t tell me that there isn’t a line of guys just waiting for you.” 
“Perhaps there is, but not for marriage,” you joke, laughing when he rolls his eyes at you. “I work entirely too much. The last man I spent time with that wasn’t a friend, colleague, client or a family member was this random dude I met while shopping for Christmas lights.” 
“Oh, is that so?” he laughs, pretending to be impressed. “How did that go?” 
“Well, I’m still not sure about that,” you play along. “He was funny and made me laugh a lot. Hopeless when it comes to buying presents,” he interrupts your jest to laugh. “But I’d say he’s cute enough to make up for it.” 
“Interesting,” he blushes again but doesn’t back down, deciding to follow your flirtatious direction. “That sounds… like something worth exploring.” 
“I’ll know if I end up with his phone number at the end of the day,” you shrug, reaching for your nearly empty cup of coffee, using it to hide the grin that took over your face. You have never been a smooth talker, especially not with someone you’ve just met, but the words were just flowing out of you and who are you to question it? Especially when they’re reciprocated and Yoongi makes sure that they are. 
The silence between you isn’t uncomfortable - it’s calm, contemplative, as if both of you have other things on your mind but can’t quite keep your eyes from each other. You can only guess what is happening in his head but yours is filled with thoughts how your stars must have aligned well today. The stress and pressure you were under this morning seemed to have paid off with this comfortable moment of calmness, with a man whom you barely know at all but are more than willing to try and uncover more. 
“And what if he suddenly has to cut things short?” Yoongi breaks the silence sheepishly. “He may or may not have a scheduled call with a potential client in a different time zone and would have to be home soon to get prepared for it?” 
You could tell that he feels awkward, that he doesn’t want to end your impromptu outing just yet, but you smile and wave him off. “I’d tell him I know what it’s like and that if he’s interested, we can continue it some other time.” 
“Okay, I can’t keep talking like we’re not talking about us, it’s making me nervous and confused,” he blurts out and you laugh at his cute awkwardness, noticing how he’s wiping his hands at his jeans - he must feel more nervous than he lets on. “I have to go but I would like to… keep in touch with you, if that’s okay.” 
“I’d love that,” you answer honestly. 
“I still have a bit of time, so… I can walk you home, I guess?” He offers a suggestion that warms your heart and makes it skip a beat instantly. 
“I drove here,” you explain regretfully, angry at yourself for not taking a chance and strolling to the shopping mall, now wishing you had more time to spend with Yoongi. “You could walk me to the garage, though?” 
“It’d be my honor,” he announces dramatically, making you giggle for the nth time today. 
Tumblr media
 “Wait,” Tae interrupts you. “Did you kiss?” he demands. 
“No, we did not kiss,” you roll your eyes as you snuggle deeper into your comforter. After the day you’ve had, you’re dead tired and ready for sleep, despite having two cups of coffee in a row just hours earlier. Sleep was waiting for you with open arms but your best friend wanted details and everyone knows what the priority order is in situations like these. “He walked me to the car, we exchanged phone numbers and he just smiled and waved.” 
“He should have kissed you,” Tae comments, pausing to take a sip of whatever it is that he was drinking - red wine, probably. “If I was in his place, I would have kissed you.” 
“No,” you whine, shaking your head. “No, it was perfect the way it was. I wouldn’t have been against a kiss but it totally wasn’t necessary. We met like… two hours before that, we know the bare minimum about each other. If we continue texting, there might be plenty of chances for a kiss. Or two. Or three. Or-” 
“I get it,” he interrupts you, laughing. “I get it, you met a guy, fell in love at first sight and now you are a firm believer in true love again.” 
“Pfft, no,” you deny it immediately. “I believe in partnership and long lasting ones, too. Soulmates, true love and shit like that… I mean, you know the divorce rates of couples whose weddings we organize.” 
“And the amount of divorce parties we plan afterwards,” he mumbles in agreement. “You do like him though, don’t you?” 
“I do, as much as I can like someone I’ve just met,” you remind him. “I don’t know, I’ll send him a text and see where it goes. But I definitely had an amazing time with him. You’d like him, too. He has this dry sense of humour that would either bring you to tears or drive you up the wall,” you laugh, remembering Yoongi’s deadpan expression as he said the funniest one-liners you’ve heard in a while - and your best friend is Taehyung, so you hear plenty. 
“The way you describe him, he sounds more like the ‘drive me up the wall’ type,” he jokes and you silently agree, having a feeling that Yoongi and Taehyung might be a bit too different to function in harmony. “So, you will text him, right? You won’t let this one slip out of your hands like you did the last one?” 
“Ha!” you let out a humorless laugh. “The last one didn’t slip out of my hands, he dumped me. And yes, I will text him. Probably as soon as we’re done with this conversation.” 
“Good. Go text him and sleep well. Bye.” 
Your mouth opens and you double check, staring at your phone in disbelief - he really did end the call, just like that. You laugh at his antics, but decide to take a chance - just like you did earlier today, faced with a lost and confused Yoongi. 
Hi, it’s Y/N. Just wanted to let you know that I had fun today. It was very random but one of the best days I’ve had in a while. 
Hope the call went well. Don’t be a stranger. 
Clicking send before you could second guess yourself, you lock your phone, twirling it between your fingers as you let the jitters take over you - the ones that make you twitch in expectation, bite your bottom lip and your leg bounce as you wonder if you did the right thing and if it’ll lead anywhere good - or anywhere at all, for that matter. 
You put the phone on your bedside table, far enough to be out of your immediate reach, and turn off the lights, even going as far as to turn your back to it - for tonight, your phone no longer exists, not even if it lights up and buzzes. 
Despite your tiredness, you had a feeling that sleep won’t come easy tonight - not when you can’t shake Yoongi and his cute, blushy expression and black beanie out of your mind. 
Tumblr media
You are running late, which is not something that happens often - thankfully, you’re enough of a control freak that you won’t actually be late for the start of your workday. No, you are simply late for being early. Delaying your arrival to the office even more, you stop to grab a coffee from your favorite street vendor, smiling as you tip him and smiling even brighter as you feel the distinct text message vibrations in your bag. 
It’s him, it has to be - it has been the whole weekend. Not non-stop, thankfully, because you can���t handle that amount of texting with someone you’re developing a liking for. It wasn’t non-stop but he replied to you on Saturday, texted you first on Sunday and the reason for the bags under your eyes is him, because you were texting until late last night. 
And you know, you just know, that it’s a good morning text from him. 
He is funny, smart and good looking - everything you want in a guy. And you just… ran into him in the most random of ways. And now, you can’t stop grinning like an idiot, shake him out of your mind or wonder if you should ask him on a proper, official date today. 
“You look so in love, it’s sickening,” are the words Taehyung chooses for his greeting as you join him in your shared office, barely seeing him from the floral arrangements that decorate his desks - he is drowning in flowers. 
“Good morning to you too, sunshine,” you mumble as you take a seat behind your desk, much better organized than his. “And for the record, I’m not in love. You can’t fall in love with someone you barely know.” 
“You do like him, though,” Taehyung points out. 
“That I do,” you agree easily, knowing that no matter what you do, you can't control the smile that threatens to take over your face completely. “But that’s a conversation we can save for our lunch break. Sojung will be here at 10AM and she’ll be joined by the groom this time, so I want to make sure that everything is ready and set for them to pick,” you point out, not wanting to get in a situation when Yoongi can distract you from your work obligations. 
“You say that like you haven’t dropped 10 custom made wedding moodboards in our shared drive over the weekend,” Taehyung comments and you look down, guilty - you do tend to work more than you are paid for, often spending weekends browsing for ideas and creating your own. “I have to say, I’m impressed at how you found that guy. If I approached a girl randomly in a store, I’d probably be taken away by security.” 
“Probably,” you agree with a chuckle. “Enough of that now - I’ll get the venue catalogue ready for them to browse and you get those flowers in order. Somehow,” you add, worriedly looking at the mess on his desk. You have faith in him though, he’s an event planner for a reason. His method might be more hectic than yours but the end results are equally brilliant, if not even better, if you’re being honest. 
“I hate doing arranged marriages,” he sighs, shuffling around one bouquet to the other side of his desk, trying to organize the space. His comment catches your attention and makes you frown instantly - what is he talking about?” 
“You’re talking about Sojung?” you ask in confusion, eyebrows raising instantly when he nods. “What makes you think it’s arranged? She never made a comment like that.” 
“Y/N, please,” Taehyung snickers. “You’ve been doing this for years, I figured you’d know better. The budget for the wedding is insane, we’ve been working with her for weeks and the groom is yet to make an appearance, she is from a ridiculously rich family with big businesses everywhere and did she ever even call him by name?” 
“Well when you say it like that…” you comment, suddenly realizing that everything is true - Sojung seems like a lovely girl, very polite and friendly, despite being the rich girl prototype. Not once did she refer to him by name - both you and Taehyung refer to him as ‘the groom’, but the puzzle pieces didn’t fit until now. “I mean, it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s arranged, but yeah, it could be.” 
“I’m calling it, it’s arranged,” Taehyung shrugs, pushing a bouquet of pink peonies away from his mouse and keyboard. “But that’s good for us, if you think about it. Sure, true love is a lie and all that but he most likely won’t be an opinionated groom and we’ll just make Sojung’s dreams come true, just having to deal with her and her alone.” 
“True,” you agree, knowing how much easier it is when only one person is in charge of being the opinionated one. You cringe on the inside remembering the track record of marriages with weddings like that. “Now - work. We can gossip after we meet him.”
“Okay, Miss Pushy.”
You ignore his comment, used to the banter - it’s hard not to be, considering you’ve been working as a team for years now. Your best friend, your work partner and the one who got you to this job in the first place - if he wants to refer to you as Miss Pushy, he can. 
It takes you quite some time to organize the venue catalogue but it would have taken you a lot more if you had more than a few weeks notice - 24th of December is an incredibly popular date and the venues you’ve managed to tentatively book with the possibility of cancelling the reservation was low - good for you both your company and yourself have made connections, making last minute bookings doable, although not preferable. 
Winter events aren’t your favorite but when it comes to weddings, you definitely prefer them over spring and summer weddings. For one, it’s always inside, save for a possible bridal photoshoot in the snow. Spring weddings often end in sudden showers, mud and a whole lot of cursing. As for summer weddings, one word alone is enough to make you cringe - sand. 
Winter weddings are nice and cozy. Sojung was also a fairly easy client to work with, especially given her family name and status - so far, there have been no requests for swan ice sculptures, which was enough to make you happy. So long as her future husband isn’t a piece of work, this might just end up being one of the calmer weddings you’ve planned. 
It’s only when you’ve finished organizing the catalogue that you remembered the earlier text you’ve received. It was impossible not to grin when you saw the name that flashed on your screen. You were right - it was Yoongi. 
Good morning, Y/N. I hope you slept well - sorry for keeping you up so long last night - I feel bad but we never seem to run out of topics to talk about. 
I have loads of meetings today - the one with one & three, too. Hope your day doesn’t suck as mine will lol
Yup, you can feel it - the pain in your cheeks as you hide a smile, the swarm of butterflies filling your stomach - all tell-tale signs of your growing interest, of your slowly developing crush on him. You can deny it to Taehyung as much as you want to, but you can’t hide the truth from yourself. You like him, stupidly so.
Good morning! I enjoyed texting you last night - if you’re up for it, we can upgrade it to a phone call tonight? I had a lot of fun - you’re fun. I hope your day doesn’t suck at all. May your coffee be cold, meetings short and 1&3 happy with their candles! :)
This time, you hesitate for a second before sending. A part of you, a very vocal and demanding part of you, wants to ask him out - not for an upgrade to a phone call. No, a part of you wants him one on one, wants an opportunity to flirt the life out of him. The more boring, saner part of you forces you to wait - you did make the first move, you did put it all in place for him to invite you for that coffee to begin with, you even texted him first. You want him to be the one to make the next move. Maybe he will, maybe he won’t, but he surely doesn’t leave you waiting too long for a text. 
I’d love that! Can’t wait to talk to you. I’ll let you know how the gift giving goes - if your master plan comes true, I owe you at least another cup of coffee. Dinner, even?
Bingo. Bingo, confetti, fireworks and glitter - it worked. He did it, he made the next move - well, the next half-move, if you’re being specific. Good enough for you - more than enough! 
Definitely! Talk later, have a meeting soon! :)
You put your phone down, sure that the conversation is over now - but lo and behold, your phone buzzes again - and it’s him. 
Talk later :)
It’s the first time he used an emoji. He is absolutely not an emoji person. You consider yourself a good people reader and there is no way in hell that Yoongi is a type of person that uses emojis. You have proof to your claim too - he did not use a single one in all the texts that you’ve exchanged last night. Yes, of course, you’re not a fool - an emoji doesn’t mean much and you are absolutely not going to read too much into this but… he used one. 
“You are absolutely sickening,” you turn to face Taehyung, who has a shit-eatting grin plastered on his face. “You just can’t keep him out of your brain or your phone, can you?” 
“Shut up,” is all you say, locking the phone and returning the focus to the moodboards on the computer screen. 
“You’re a fucking goner,” he laughs at you. “I’m so going to enjoy watching this unfold.” 
You ignore him - it’s the only way you can survive him right now. Focusing on the tasks ahead, on your bullet journal and presentations, it becomes easy for you to push both Taehyung and Yoongi out of your mind. Sojung will be here soon and if you want to make her wedding happen the way she wants it to, you need to guide her to making some final decisions today. Or, at the very least, organize visitations to the temporarily reserved venues. The more you have prepared, the easier it’ll be for her to decide and you can just hope that the groom is a yes man who wants to make his future wife happy. 
Right on the clock, right at 10, a knock on your office door makes both Taehyung and you look up - Sana, the head secretary, peaks her head through the door and smiles. “Your 10 o’clock is here. Are you ready?” 
“Absolutely, bring her in,” Taehyung tells her as you both stand up and get ready to greet Sojung and her fiance - she walks in, dressed in a matching cream dress and coat, a bright smile gracing her gorgeous face - she smiles brightly, like she always does, 
“Taehyung, Y/N,” she greets you both with a quick kiss on the cheek, before taking a step back and smiling at you. “Y/N, you look beautiful today! All smiley and happy.” 
“She met a man,” Taehyung immediately blurts out, causing you to nudge him in the ribs - a bit too hard, but he deserves it. Your interaction makes Sojung laugh, but after several meetings with both of you, she has gotten used to it. 
“I can’t wait to hear all about it,” she giggles, taking a seat in one of the chairs placed on the other side of Taehyung’s desk. “Do tell.” 
“Oh no no,” you laugh as you drag your own office chair to Taehyung’s desk, knowing that you will have to be face to face with both her and her future hubby. Speaking of which… “We need to talk about your man first. Is he not going to be joining us today?” you ask, as politely as you could, unsure if it’s a sensitive subject or not. If Taehyung’s right and you are organizing a wedding for an arranged marriage, Sojung might not be comfortable with these questions - unfortunately for her, they still need to be asked. 
“Oh, he’s running late,” she waves her hand dismissively. “He called me to let me know that he’s stuck in traffic but he should be joining us soon enough. We can start without him, however. I’d hate to waste more of your time, I already feel bad enough about his late arrival.” 
“Nonsense, we’re yours for the next hour,” Taehyung offers her a kind smile as he takes his seat next to you. “But, there are a few things that we can show you, just to hear your opinion. If something is a hard pass for you, he’ll likely support it being off the table.”
“Absolutely,” she agrees. “He’s an opinionated but simple man, if I’m being honest. I don’t think he’ll hinder you two, or me, in any way.” 
Huh. Maybe it’s not arranged after all - she speaks nicely of him, smiling as she does so. You hope it’s not - Sojung really is a breath of fresh air and seems genuine - she deserves a man that wants to be with her with his entire being. 
“Okay then, let’s get started,” you clasp your hands together dramatically but still smiling. “I’ve gathered a few ideas over the weekend and I’m curious about your opinion.” 
Minutes pass as Taehyung and you take turns in showing her your findings and suggestions and her carefully scanning them, saying no to things instantly and agreeing to some as a possibility. Your initial instincts from the first few meetings with her were right - she wants it all to be elegant and organized but nothing too flashy. Taehyung was showing her a perfect little arrangement full of winter jasmine when another knock on the door interrupts you. Sana peaks in through the door again. “The groom is here.”
“Ah, finally, the man of the hour,” Taehyung laughs. “Let him in Sana, please,” he tells her as both he and Sojung stand up - you are quick to join them, leaning a bit to the side to prevent Sojung from blocking your view - your curiosity is at its highest peak, ready to finally be face to face with Sojung’s other half. 
“I apologize for being late,” you can hear him before you see him. “The traffic was horrible.”
For what feels like the longest moment ever, your entire world stops - everyone and everything stays still, time stops passing, the earth stops spinning. For a moment that feels like an eternity and then some, everything stops as you make eye contact with Sojung’s husband-to-be. 
Yoongi. 
The same Yoongi that was texting you an hour ago, the one who made you laugh until your stomach hurt, the one who you spent the whole of last night thinking about, as you exchanged messages about anything and everything, life changing and irrelevant. 
Just like everything around you, he freezes, too. You can see his eyes widen but before he can say anything, or react in any way, you are already on the move. 
“No trouble at all,” you force your most professional smile, the one you wear whenever you are dealing with bridezillas or even worse, their mothers. Stoic and charming as ever, you hold your head high and your back straight. “Please, join us.”
“Taehyung, Y/N, this is my fiance, Min Yoongi,” Sojung introduces him, and the very mention of his name makes your lip twitch. He still has his eyes glued to you, while you look away, in search of a way to let Taehyung know. Doing it in front of both Sojung and Yoongi is impossible and as you are seconds away from an angry meltdown, you need to let your partner know. 
While Taehyung shakes Yoongi's hand, you hook your arm under his free one, earning a look of confusion from your best friend. “Pleasure is ours, Yoongi. Taehyung and I need to bring the rest of the material from our main office so please, make yourself comfortable and Sojung can fill you in on some of her opinions.” 
“O-okay,” he awkwardly mumbles. Sojung is none the wiser, smiling at her husband-to-be and Taehyung doesn’t bother hiding the bewildered look on his face. However, he lets you drag him away out of the office - not to the main office, though. The door you push him through leads to a room you refer to as the storage room, which only makes his confusion grow. 
“Y/N, what the heck-”he starts as you close the door behind you. 
“It’s him,” you hiss, keeping your voice no louder than a whisper. Taehyung obviously doesn’t put two and two together - how could he, it is completely insane. “It’s him! The guy I met at the mall? The guy I’ve been texting all weekend?” At that, his eyes grow wider than you’ve ever seen them go before - his mouth drops and as seconds pass, he opens and closes it slowly, trying to think of words to say. 
As are you - what do you do now? You… Yoongi didn’t cheat on Sojung with you, other than texting, nothing happened, but that’s a betrayal on it’s own. What if they are not exclusive? You’ve seen weirder shit happen, even with upcoming newlyweds. And if you do say something, what if you lose a client? Both his and her family are loaded and this wedding can hold the promotion both you and Taehyung have been eyeing for a while. You thought that this was the last step for taking your partnership to the next level and becoming higher figures in the firm - your boss said as much. Can you ruin that by telling the bride that her future husband had an impromptu date with you and has been texting you since?!
“What the fuck are you going to do?” Taehyung finally finds the ability to speak - you are not so lucky, simply shaking your head in silent bewilderment, trying to comprehend the severity of a situation you were put in and not by your free will. He was just a guy - just a normal, cute guy with a cute beanie and a dry sense of humor. It was not supposed to be like this. 
“I.. I can’t say anything, can I?” you wonder out loud, still trying your very best to keep yourself as quiet as possible, not wanting Sojung and Yoongi to be able to hear you. “It was still… platonic, I guess. Yeah, he’s a shithead but he didn’t… cheat.” 
“Yet,” Taehyung adds angrily and he’s right - he is so right. If you weren’t the planner that greeted him today, who knows how far he would be willing to take your flirt. 
“Yes, yet,” you confirm in annoyance. “And now, I know and he knows that I know so it won’t be happening. Can we lose them as clients? Is that something you’re comfortable with? Just because he’s a shithead?” you ask. After all, it’s not your choice alone - the two of you have been teammates, equal partners for years. Every decision regarding work is made by both of you - dropping this opportunity on your behalf would be unfair and possibly harmful. 
“We can’t,” he sighs in agreement. Both of you know it, this is your golden ticket - a ticket to a promotion - less work, more pay, bigger events with more staff available. “Can you do it, though? Can you go through this without… strangling him with your own bare hands?” 
That is a very good question. You want to say yes - after all, you are a professional. No, you have never had to deal with something as bad, or as personal, as this situation, but you can put your job first when you must. It’s not like you had the time to actually develop feelings for him. Yes, you developed a strong liking but that’s it. You do not know him well and finding out that he is engaged to be married just proves it. Without a doubt, you are strong enough to plan this wedding and keep your emotions at bay. Whether or not you can keep your mouth shut is another thing. 
“I can,” you reassure both Taehyung and yourself, turning to taking deep breaths to calm yourself down - your pulse too, as it went into overdrive the second he stepped foot into your office. “I think I’m going to have to talk to him at some point. But until that point comes, I can ignore it just fine. And if that point comes, I will not make a scene, I will not ruin it.” 
Taehyung sighs, grabbing you by the shoulders - you are surprised but don’t move, letting him shake you gently as he gives you a serious look. “Promise me you won’t fuck the groom.”
“Of course not!” you snap, only to remember that you need to be quiet. “I’d never do that!” you hiss at him, insulted at the very thought of you going behind Sojung’s back like that. 
“Let me rephrase that,” Taehyung takes a deep breath, still keeping a firm grip on your shoulders. “Promise me that you will nip those emotions in the bud and keep your head clear. Promise me you won’t let your feelings, of hurt, anger, love, of whatever - get into your head. Keep them at bay and keep him at bay.” 
“I promise,” you tell him and you mean it. You would never do that and after what you’ve just experienced, growing closer to Yoongi is very literally the last thing that you want to do. “I will find a way to resolve this with him, I will keep my trap shut and plan the shit out of this wedding.” 
“And if you have to cry it out, don’t keep it in,” you roll your eyes at Tae’s order. “Y/N, I’m dead serious. This is anything but normal. If anything changes, if it becomes too much, you need to tell me and we need to sort it out. We can make it happen but if your head or heart isn’t clear, we’re fucked.” 
“I promise,” you repeat. “I will do this. I will do it well. And if I can’t, you’ll be the first to know.” 
“Good. Now take a deep breath and make up an excuse because they’re waiting for us.” 
You can feel Tae’s eyes on you as you look to the ground, taking a few deep breaths to calm yourself down and prepare yourself for facing him again. All things considered, you are incredibly lucky that you’ve faced the truth today and not somewhere down the line. It was only two cups of coffee and texting. Nothing more, nothing less. A random one night stand held more meaning that whatever it is that you thought you could make with Yoongi. 
He is your client. He is getting married. And you are one of the best event planners in the city. You will organize the best wedding ever and you won’t bat an eye. 
“Let’s do this.”
Fixing your sweater, you take a few deep breaths and pause with your hand on the doorknob - a moment, nothing more than a moment. As soon as it passes, you will smile and go about this meeting like you would with any other. 
“Sorry for the wait,” you sound chirpy, going above and beyond to not show Yoongi’s presence affecting you in any way. In fact, you don’t look at him at all, instead having eyes for your desk alone. “Turns out we didn’t find the invitation samples we’ve saved. I know Sojung had already selected a pattern but it was nothing more than another option,” you lie, knowing that you have to explain your empty hands. 
“It would probably confuse you even more,” Tae adds, taking his seat. As he got to the desk before you did, you had to turn to the chair that actually belongs to you - the one positioned directly in front of Yoongi. You were hoping to sneak your way into Tae’s chair but today really isn’t your lucky day. “Now, let me show you what we-” 
“Oh, hold on,” Sojung interrupts him, which forces you to make eye contact with her for the first time since you left the storage room. If she picked up on the change in energy, she isn’t showing it. “Yoongi was thoughtful enough to bring us little gifts but he wasn’t aware that we will be meeting with more than one planner,” she awkwardly looks towards him. You still keep your eyes glued to her, grabbing a hold of your favorite purple pencil, feeling the urge to do something, anything, anything at all to distract yourself, repeatedly clicking it on and off as you wait for the hardest hit of all. You already know what it is. You’d be stupid not to. 
“Yes, I haven’t realized that you work as a team,” Yoongi sounds awkward, way more awkward than he did back on Friday. 
“It’s easily fixable, though,” Sojung giggles, “Taehyung can simply take my present.” 
“No, I could never-”
“But it’s-” 
Yoongi and Taehyung speak over each other and all you can do is listen, avoid looking at him and mentally pray for your chair to swallow you whole and save you from this catastrophe. Just minutes ago, you thought that it couldn’t possibly get any worse. It can, it absolutely can, because you know you are getting a candle. 
“I insist,” Sojung continued, giving the decorative bag that was in her hand to Taehyung, reaching over the desk to do so. This was your signal that you can no longer ignore Yoongi - sure enough, he is doing the same thing Sojung is, leaning towards you with a burgundy red paper bag in his hand. 
Oh, how you wish you could refuse. With a tight lipped smile, you take the bag from him, careful to avoid your skin touching his. “Thank you,” your voice is not nearly as chirpy as it was before, but you are hiding the bitterness in it - at least you hope so. Opening the bag, you can officially no longer hide the bitterness, letting out a chuckle that might pass as amusing but in reality is incredibly ironic. 
I mean, apple cinnamon is basic. Simple. Mulled wine is more complicated, implying you might have given it more thought. Give the apple one to one and the wine one to three. 
Staring at you from the bottom of the bag is apple cinnamon - the very candle you had helped him select, the candle that ironically brought you two together for one afternoon and now is nothing more than a reminder of what you are to him - a zero. 
“Is everything okay?” Sojung sheepishly asks, obviously alerted by your chuckle. 
“Oh, no, no,” you are quick to fix the situation, smiling brightly at her with a smile she returns. Slowly, you make eye contact with Yoongi for the first time since he’d entered your office - your smile doesn’t falter, not even when you look him directly into his eyes - eyes that are swimming with mixture of panic, guilt and maybe even something more. “Apple cinnamon is my absolute favorite, you’ve nailed it. It’s a very thoughtful gift, thank you very much.” 
Your tone doesn’t have an ironic note to it but you know that he can understand the message - the lump he swallows is proof enough. He is probably scared shitless of you outing him in front of his wife to be, telling her that he flirted with you shamelessly while promised to her, naming her a three on a 1 to 10 scale of importance. 
Luckily for him, you are not an impulsive person and can let your anger simmer slowly and quietly, for the longest time. A promotion is hanging over your and Taehyung’s heads and Yoongi has a whole lot of luck today because your mouth is shut and will remain so until they drive away to the honeymoon you will schedule in a limousine that you will rent for them. 
“Thank you, Yoongi,” Taehyung interrupts the awkward silence, probably sensing the energy you’re emitting - after years of working side by side with you and being your friend, he can feel the waves of negative emotions long before they’re ready to hit. “Now, we’re already running a bit late and since we’re planners, our entire being functions on punctuality - let’s not waste more time and get down to business.” 
“Right,” Sojung agrees. “We’re going to start with the venues, right?” she asks. 
“Yes,” you answer her, slipping completely into your professional role, now very confident that the facade won’t crack, at least not before 11 o’clock. “Every possible cottage, villa, country club that we have reserved are here,” you struggle to turn your monitor towards them, sitting quite a bit away from it - much to your dismay, Yoongi is the one who helps you. “Thank you,” you mumble quickly, opening the correct powerpoint. “Now, all of these are simply tentatively reserved, as a favor to our company so our time with each place is limited. For organization’s sake, we need to narrow down your choices today and then, if you decide that’s what you want, you can visit the venue with us - we highly recommend that you do, as some of these pictures don’t do the venue justice,” you explain. 
“Alright then,” Sojung leans closer to the monitor, and to Yoongi - you don’t miss the way she touches his shoulder gently. Arranged marriage, your ass - they obviously have a decent connection, at the very least. “Let’s see what we have here.”
Tumblr media
Your personal phone has remained on mute from the moment Sojung and Yoongi had left your office. Being the smart woman that you are, you had the number separated from your business one, giving you the luxury of ignoring Yoongi the whole day while still being able to tend to unavoidable calls and emails. 
And boy, is he relentless. The last time you checked, you had over 10 missed calls and 20 texts. None answered and none read. You do not want to hear it, saving the remnants of your energy and sanity for things other than his excuses. 
Glass of wine in hand, you stare switches from the phone to the apple cinnamon candle, both placed theatrically in the very middle of your coffee table - you wanted the sight to mock you, to remind you of what a fool you were. 
At the end of the day, Yoongi did not wrong Sojung - he did not cheat on her, he did not lie to her (that you know of), he did not even approach you first, nor was he the one to start flirting. He did not wrong her - flirting with another person is a gray area, a gray area you wouldn’t feel comfortable with if you were his fiance, but still - nothing wrong, not on paper. 
In reality, he didn’t even wrong you. Did he ask you out on a date? No, not specifically. Having coffee or dinner can still very much be a friendly activity and he did not call it a date - he did not kiss you, he did not make a direct move, nor did he at any point say he is single. 
You are the guilty one, not him. Despite your better judgment, despite knowing that you barely know the guy, you’ve allowed yourself to get your hopes up, if only just a little. The flirt and banter got to you, he was cute and you have been single for long enough to know that you are emotionally ready for another person to make your life a bit more colorful. Your hopes weren’t high, but they were there. It’s your fault more than it is his, and that’s the bitter truth that you need to accept. That, and the fact that you now have to plan his wedding. 
The flowers were already selected and the venue choice was narrowed down to two places - both Sojung and Yoongi were incredibly easy to please, which was a blessing in disguise - the less time you have to spend with him, the better. A road trip is in store for tomorrow afternoon, the four of you are meant to meet at the large venue first, have them check it out and then drive to the smaller option, hopefully with the couple reaching a decision on the spot. You will have to spend more than an hour with him tomorrow and you only have tonight to prepare for it. Oh, how lucky you are to be calm, collected and professional. Those qualities have saved your ass countless times, but this one might be the biggest of all. 
You were on the second glass when the doorbell rings - and you ignore it willingly, knowing that it’s Taehyung on the other side. He had spent the better part of the day checking on you, double checking on you, asking if you can go through with this and wondering if you should drop the wedding after all. Once you finally snapped at him and ordered him to drop the topic entirely, he was quiet, save from insisting that you get together tonight, to watch a movie or drink yourselves to an early grave - basically, to do anything to distract yourself. 
You refused, but Taehyung isn’t the type of man to back off from a challenge. The doorbell rings again and without batting an eye, you ignore it, sipping calmly on your wine in silence, eyes locked on the stupid candle that you had helped him pick. After there was no response to the third doorbell ring, he had turned to knocking at your door - rather loudly, at that. 
“Taehyung, go away!” you snap, knowing that the walls are thin enough for him to hear you. “I told you I don’t need company tonight. I’m busy. Go get drunk alone!” 
“It’s me.” 
The glass slips from your hand but by some miracle, you manage to catch it before red wine stains your favorite pastel yellow comforter - the shock had made you lose your focus and your grip, because never for the life of you did you think you’d hear Yoongi on the other side of the door. 
You still didn’t want to open the door but something told you that he won’t be leaving anytime soon. Besides, you can’t push that conversation away for too long - maybe it’s better if you have it here and now, you backed up with liquid courage and with no witnesses around. 
Sighing, you stand up from the most comfortable sofa the world has ever known and waddle towards the front door to your apartment, wrapping yourself even tighter in your comforter. With one deep breath, you unlock and open the door. 
You are not surprised to see him breathless, dishevelled even. It’s also easy to notice the relief on his face - it’s so obvious it’s practically palpable. He thought you wouldn’t open the door and would continue to ignore him. Perhaps you should have, but it’s too late for that. 
“How did you find out where I live?” you ask the most obvious question, hoping for a simple answer. He and his family are loaded, which was something you didn’t know last Friday when you approached him. The last thing you need is to know that with a bit of money, someone can find personal information about you. 
“Taehyung told me,” he answers. “No!” he immediately jumps up when he notices your reaction, the eyeroll paired with the jaw clench. “Don’t take it out on him, I practically begged him to give me an address and I think he only did it to save his job.” 
“Did you threaten him?” you are bewildered. 
“No!” he almost yells, very obviously offended. “Of course not. I’m not going to… use my wedding as a wager. He just knows that in order for stuff to proceed normally, or as normal as they can actually be, we need to… well… talk. So don’t blame him.” 
“I’m not sure if a talk is necessary,” you are reluctant. Deep down, you know that it truly is - it’s just that you really don’t want to do it. “I can separate my private and business life with ease. From the moment you stepped foot in my office, you became nothing more than a client - a client whose wedding I have to plan and I think it’s both in your best interest and mine for it to all go smoothly. And it will, I can assure you.” 
“Y/N,” he sighs, leaning his hand on your doorframe - he looks tired, worried, as if it has been eating him out the whole day - it probably has. “Are you not even going to give me a chance to explain myself?” he asks. 
“Is there a need for that, though?” you wonder. “We met by accident, we had coffee. A few texts were exchanged and that’s it. You did not lie to me about your… relationship status and I was dumb not to ask. You didn’t wrong Sojung, you didn’t wrong me. As far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing to explain - the only thing that needs attention is how we will proceed from now on and I insist that it is nothing but professional. No friendly banter, no texts, no calls - in fact, you probably should delete my number and only use my business one if we need to discuss wedding details. You can rest assured, you are nothing but a client in my eyes.” 
You’re not lying. In your eyes, that’s all he is. In your mind though, perhaps even in your heart, if only in traces, he’s still the guy that you clicked with with ease you don’t know you’ve ever experienced before. Which doesn’t mean that you can’t ignore it - you know you can. 
“I understand that you don’t want to listen to an explanation but can you at least give me a chance to say one, for my own sake?” he pleads with you. Knowing that there is nothing he can say that could make you change your mind, you decide to give in, stepping aside and opening the door to your apartment fully and signalling him to walk in. After a second of hesitation, he walks inside, not moving past the hallway - you’re thankful for that, as you really don’t want him to overstay his welcome. 
“Okay, let’s hear it,” you sigh, wanting him to know that this is not pleasant for you, if he wasn’t even aware of it already. Looking him over, you notice how jittery he is, reminding you of how he was wiping his hands on his jeans back when you were at the café. Switching from one leg to another, he runs a hand through his platinum blond hair, taking a deep breath almost as if he is bracing himself. 
“The first thing that you need to know and that I’m not sure if you’re aware of, is that my marriage with Sojung is arranged,” he starts. So it turns out that Taehyung’s hunch was on point - good on him, you weren’t able to figure it yourself. “We have known each other for years and I do consider her… a friend, I suppose. But there are no romantic feelings between us, even though we are going through with the wedding.” 
“It’s surprisingly common,” you nod your head disinterestedly, looking away from him and around the hallway, not wanting to look at him and his pitiful face for too long. “I’ve organized plenty of weddings for couples that were marrying for nothing more than duty. And quite a few of them are happily married now, too, so there’s hope for Sojung and yourself.”
“Y/N, it’s not like that,” Yoongi sighs, pausing for a moment as he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter. That’s not the reason why I’m here - that’s not the explanation I owe you.” 
“You don’t owe me anything but the price of my wedding planning services.” 
“I never planned on approaching you,” he continues as if you didn’t interrupt him at all. “I didn’t even see you before you approached me. I don’t know what I was thinking, or if I was thinking at all. I just… really enjoyed spending time with you and I wanted to get to know you better. The last thing on my mind was Sojung. And that’s unfair to both of you.” 
“It is, especially to her,” you agree. “But again, other than a minor lapse in judgment, you did nothing that is more than… morally gray area wrong. I was the one who approached you and other than flirting that led to absolutely nowhere, nothing else happened. If you want to come clean about it to Sojung, you have my blessing,” you add with a shrug. If that is what will make him sleep better at night, he might as well do it. You did not know him before, you have no metaphorical blood on your hands. “I, however, have a job to do and I plan to do it well. Once again, I’d appreciate it if our communication from now on is strictly professional and as far as I’m concerned, you are nothing but a client. And if you do want to tell Sojung about what had happened, I will act accordingly and understand if you do not want me in charge of your wedding. Taehyung could do it alone, or with the help of another of the planners in our company - we have plenty that you can pick and choose from.” 
“It’s not about that,” Yoongi seems irritated with you now, or perhaps with himself, but you couldn’t care less. “I’m just sorry I didn’t tell you everything from the get-go. I know we didn’t touch on the subject but I should have raised it myself.” 
“Tell me one thing, though,” your curiosity got the best of you and there was a tiny, miniscule part of you that was incredibly salty about this whole ordeal and wanted to kick him in the shin - you went for the verbal version of that. “Were you going to tell me at some point? At the dinner you tried to schedule? Or before that? Or ever, really?” 
His reaction is almost painful to watch, the guilt and cringe taking over him. It’s enough to make you realize that no, he did not make specific plans to tell you. At some point, he might have, but he did not plan it. 
“That is all I needed to know,” you nod with a kind but incredibly fake smile. “You should get going, Yoongi. I need my rest and so do you - we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow - there are venues to pick” 
It’s obvious that he wants to say more, that he is not done speaking but what it is that he wants to say will remain a mystery to you - possibly even to himself, seeing how he is struggling to put the words out. He might want to say more but you’re no longer interested in listening - as far as you are concerned, everything between you is sorted. You emphasise that point with opening your front door and signalling him with your hand to leave, the exact same way you signalled him to come in just a minute ago. For a second, only a second, he hesitates but he listens to you and leaves, turning around to face you on your doorstep. 
“If you change your mind and want to talk more, you have my number,” he tells you. 
“And you do not have mine - remember, only the business one. As far as we’re concerned, my private phone number is out of service. Have a good night, Yoongi. I’ll see you tomorrow,” you don’t wait for a goodbye but you don’t slam the door in his face either, instead choosing to close it softly, locking it immediately. You stay in place until you can hear him walking down the stairs to the floor below - only when you’re sure that he’s left, you return to your sofa of comfort and the trusty glass of wine. 
Taehyung will have to pay for giving him your personal information - while you understand the intention, it is not something you are cool with, seeing as Yoongi already knows entirely too much about you. That being said, at least you can put it past you now - you are free to go about organizing this wedding like the pro that you are. 
It’ll be over in about a month, anyway. And after that, you won’t have to deal with Yoongi in any shape or form, and for now, that’s good enough to make you truck through this ordeal. 
Tumblr media
“Are you sure that you’ll be okay with the two of them alone?” Taehyung asks you for what has to be the fifth time, despite your answer always being the same. Wrapped up in your coats and scarfs, the two of you are in the parking lot of the large woodside villa, leaned on your respective cars, as you wait for Sojung and Yoongi to make an appearance - they are not late, but like the control freaks that you are, both yourself and Tae have arrived early. 
“How many times have I told you that I’ll be perfectly fine?” you ask in annoyance, now starting to grow seriously bothered with his constant need to check in on you. He has your wellbeing in mind, you know - but it’s still annoying. “That’s the whole reason we drove here separately. We’ll check this place with them together, and then you can go rescue the baby shower from a pending disaster - I’ll take care of the second venue and no, I won’t break down because I am alone with them. You know that, so stop bugging me already.” 
“I’m just worried Y/N,” he sighs. 
“I know,” you nod, rolling your eyes. “But if I assure you multiple times that it’s all fine and dandy and that the issue had been sorted last night, I expect that you can listen to me and respect that. I’m not a teenager, Tae. This is my job - I am capable of handling this.” 
“Okay, if you say so,” he lifts his hands up in surrender but you have a suspicion that this won’t be the last time he checks on you today. Whether he is doing it as your team member or as a best friend - you don’t know and it doesn’t matter. You’ll reassure him and tell him off if need be. “I just hope they arrive soon, cause I’m freezing my nuts off over here.” 
“Well, Sojung always was punctual,” you comment with a shrug. “Which can’t be said for her groom, if yesterday’s meeting is anything to go by.” 
“See!” Tae exclaims so loudly, it startles you. “You won’t even say his name! I know you are bitter and have every right to be but that confirms that you aren’t okay with this.” 
“Min. Yoongi,” you deadpan. “I can damn well say his name, Taehyug. Let it rest - you’re the only one that’s keeping this conversation alive - both Yoongi and I have buried it already.” 
“Wait a second, Sojung is calling me,” Tae interrupts your conversation and you barely listen in to what he’s telling her, instead choosing to shuffle the snow around with your feet. While you understand the worry, you wish that after all these years, Taehyung could have more faith in you and your professionalism. Granted, this situation is anything but normal but you know better than to put your job at risk for a guy - especially a guy you had barely gotten to know by the time you realized he’s the last person in the world you want to get close to. 
“Sojung is not coming,” Tae tells you and for a moment, you’re taken aback by this information. Instantly, you wonder if Yoongi had told her something and she wants nothing to do with either him or you. “She has an urgent meeting for her non-profit and she is apologizing profusely,” he explains. 
“Damn it,” you sigh. You guys needed their final decision for the location today - if you have to postpone the whole thing, especially after driving all the way out of town… what a waste of time. “When does she want us to reschedule it for?” you are already scrolling through your calendar, trying to find a time to squeeze her in before a bridesmaid dress fitting for another wedding and a bachelorette party that you are organizing this weekend. 
“She doesn’t,” Taehyung laughs - both his reaction and the information confuses you. “That’s why we’re in a pickle. Yoongi is minutes away and she trusts completely that he will be able to make the decision himself. Basically, it’s gonna be his call.” 
“And I’m going to have to go to the next venue with him alone, won’t I?” 
“Yup,” Taehyung confirms your suspicions. “Unless you want me to stay here and get someone else to cover the baby shower. I’m sure Sana will find someone to fill in-” he stops talking as you raise your hand, shaking your head at him. 
“Nope. Not needed. I’ll handle it and we’ll have the venue selected by the end of the day,” you reassure, both him and yourself. “I’m amazed that Sojung doesn’t want to be a part of this, though. I mean, she did, she was supposed to be here but… did we ever have a bride that didn’t want to be included in the venue selection?” 
“Never,” a chuckle leaves Taehyung as he shakes his head in disbelief. “In most cases, it’s their word that counts more than the grooms. This one is a first.” 
“Guess it really is an arranged marriage after all,” you mutter under your breath, deciding that kicking snow with your boots was once again more interesting than being the subject of Taehyung’s worried gaze. It was getting annoying to the point of you feeling actual relief when you could see a car driving towards the parking lot, easily recognizing Yoongi’s platinum hair from behind the windshield. Yes, it had gotten to the point when him joining you is considered a relief. 
Less than a month. Less than a full month and this will all be over. 
“Hi everyone,” he greets you as he jumps out of the car, one entirely too big for someone living in the city - perhaps he doesn’t live in the city - like many other things about him, you didn’t ever find out where he actually lives. Greeting him with a formal nod, you follow Taehyung as you meet him halfway. “Did Sojung explain already?” 
“Yes, we know she won’t be joining us,” Taehyung confirms. “We’ll guide you through this venue and give you as many details as possible. Unfortunately, I will not be able to go with you to the second venue that you’ve selected - Y/N will be in charge of that,” he signals towards you and you force yourself to smile kindly. 
“Yes, I will be the one guiding you through that one and explaining all the details. That is, of course, if both Sojung and you are fine with that,” you add, still wondering if there’s a chance of Sojung changing her mind and wanting to see the place herself - that would make you waste your time twice, and to you, time is money. 
“Oh yes,” he nods quickly. “We’re on the same page about all of this. She liked both venues, she’s fine with me making the final call,” he tells you. Huh. Soulmate behaviour, right there. 
“Alrighty then,” Taehyung chuckled nervously and it makes you wonder if he might be the one feeling the most uncomfortable out of the three of you. You are completely free of emotion, stoic and professional, while the nervousness that Yoongi was exhibiting last night in your hallway is nowhere to be seen. The only one that appears to be uncomfortable in any way is Taehyung and you can’t blame him - but after his earlier overprotectiveness that annoyed you, you don’t particularly care to help him either. “Let’s see what we have here, shall we?” he asks, leading the way towards the grand entrance of the villa. You silently follow, letting Yoongi walk before you, hoping that this day will somehow pass faster. 
Tumblr media
“The decision, ultimately, is about how many people you want at the wedding,” you tell Yoongi as you turn in place, standing in the place where couples normally put their wedding arches. “This one is smaller, fits less people and once we add all the floral arrangements and decor, it’ll look even smaller. It feels… more intimate, more meaningful. The villa is perfect if you have a bunch of family and friends to whom you want to flaunt your wealth,” you joke, but your smile disappears quickly. “But at the end of the day, it’s all about what Sojung and you want - small and meaningful or grand and wealthy.”
You watch as Yoongi runs a hand through his hair, sitting on one of the presented guest chairs, one that would be on the side of the groom - the seat belonging to one of the parents, usually. You wonder if the hair thing is something he does when he feels nervous or uncomfortable because right now, he looks like a mixture of both. 
“It’s all about what we want,” he repeats your words under his breath. It is easy for you to pick a favorite between him and Sojung - at least every move that she makes doesn’t show that this is an arranged marriage she isn’t interested in. Or maybe, you’re the problem - he did not seem this down when Tae was with you. “Is it normal for people not to know what they want for their own wedding?” he asks, lifting his head up to look at you. 
“Oh, absolutely,” you laugh. “More often than not, they have no idea. And if you get someone who knows exactly what they want, they are usually incredibly hard to please. It’s alright to be indecisive. It’s okay to want more time to think about it. Hell, it’s okay to tell Sojung to make the final call - but at the end of the day, it really is about what you guys want. Nothing else should matter.” 
“It’s an arranged marriage,” he says sarcastically. “Neither of us wants anything.” 
“Well, being two grown adults, you probably should have considered that before agreeing to it,” you point out the obvious, only to curse yourself on the inside. You’re doing it - you are crossing the professional line and that’s something you’ve promised yourself that you will not do. “Ideally, you get married only once. So yeah, it is about what you want. And if you don’t want anything, then it’s the lesser of two evils. Do you want 40 people at your wedding or 400? Do you want food made a la carte, pre-decided menus or a buffet? I can offer you advice based on other arranged couples whose weddings I’ve organized,” you add. 
“Please do.” 
“They always go for the lesser of two evils,” you shrug. “Few guests, especially if everyone attending knows it’s arranged. Pre-decided menus, one to pick out of four, including a vegan option, of course, that they get on the RSVP. Short reception time, no honeymoon. That’s what they go for. If that’s what you guys want, I can make it happen.” 
“No,” he shakes his head, finally seeming decisive. “It might be arranged but I harbor no ill feelings for Sojung,” he tells you and this time, he’s crossing the line - you’re letting him, too. This is not a topic we should be discussing. “I don’t know her well but I know her well enough to know she doesn’t want 400 people attending. We’ll go for this venue and work on the details as we go,” he tells you and you nod, quickly jotting it down into your notepad - you are as old school as possible, always with your notepad and trusty purple pencil. 
“I will be speaking to Sojung later today, since we have to schedule the wedding dress shopping for tomorrow,” you inform him. “I’ll ask her myself if she agrees, but I suggest you do it first - it’s only fair. And if you are both on the same page, by tomorrow, we will reserve this venue for good, and then we can proceed with picking out the decorations and the rest. I will need both of you to work on your guest list - either individually or together. This venue can hold 100 guests, 120 if we push it. That is your maximum, the minimum can be the two of you and witnesses. The sooner you prepare your guest list, the better - with less than a month left until the 24th, you will need those RSVPs, especially if they include an option to select their own food,” you spit out the information, noticing his eyes widen in panic with the tasks and details you were spilling out. “If you need any help at all, both Taehyung and I are here - even with the guestlist. But for now, I suggest you go home, think about the venue again and talk to Sojung. The rest can be overwhelming, but we’re taking it one step at a time,” you tell him. 
“I never thought that wedding planning could be this… comprehensive,” he lets out a humorless laugh, one that you join - your laughter also lacks humor. In fact, you sound tired. 
“Welcome to my world,” you announce theatrically, before taking a deep breath. “Okay, that’s it for today. Go home, talk to her and start thinking about the guest list. Unless you have any questions?” you add, realizing that you’ve completely overlooked that part of the whole excursion. 
“Actually, I do,” he tells you, standing up from his seat - he doesn’t move or walk towards you, which you appreciate. So far, things have remained fairly professional and you’re trying desperately to keep them that way and not let your façade crack. “Are you even okay with doing all of this? After… everything?” he asks. 
“After what?” you ask, an angelic smile gracing your face. He catches your drift and lets out an awkward laugh. “I am one of the best event organizers in the country, Yoongi. And I’m not fluffing up my ego when I say that - it’s the truth. Especially if I’m working on an event with Taehyung. The little… accident that occured before won’t make me falter.” 
“And what if it makes me falter?” he asks. The question makes your heart skip a beat but you do your very best not to let it show on your face - after all, you’re a proven champion in controlling your reactions. “What do I do then?” 
“I want to say that it sounds like a ‘you’ problem but that’s a bit rude, isn’t it?” 
“Ha!” he laughs out loud, this time actual, genuine laughter. “No, after everything I think it’s pretty fair of you to say that. It is a ‘me' problem. I apologize for even asking - you were too fair considering everything and the least I can do is respect your decision and keep things strictly professional and friendly.” 
“I would truly appreciate it if you’d do that,” you tell him honestly. “I am okay with organizing this. I’ll organize the shit out of your wedding and it’ll be the talk of the town if that’s what you want,” you promise him with a smile. “But the scratch is there - I won’t call it a wound because it’s not what it is. It’s a scratch. A scratch that still stings if you add salt to it. So let’s keep it professional. It’ll make things easier for me, and I’m sure for you, too.” 
“I will do my best,” he promises you. “Thank you, by the way. For doing this.” 
“Nonsense,” you give him your best, charming smile and at this point, it no longer feels fake - it once did, it really did, but it has become second nature to you. Less than one month and it’ll all be over. “It’s my job, after all.” 
Tumblr media
When asked, event planners often have different answers to the question of what’s the worst part of their job. Most would probably answer last minute delays or change in plans - and those truly are a pain in the ass. A bunch of people would answer organizing kids’ birthday parties - a whole bunch of your colleagues even refuse to take on events like that, as not everyone is made to work with kids. While it’s not your favorite thing in the world, you can handle kiddie parties and you survive delays and plan changes. What you do hate though, with every fiber of your being, is ending up alone with the bridal party. 
The bridesmaids, sisters, mother, mother-in-law, sisters-in-law and every single woman of importance to the bride, along with the bride herself - it’s always loud and giggly and all too much for an ambivert like yourself. While you do organize your bachelorette parties, you do your very best to avoid attending them, and as an event planner, you often have to. But at those kinds of parties, it’s easy to stay on the sidelines. When it comes to wedding dress shopping, you somehow always end up in the mix and you hate it. You absolutely hate it. 
By some miracle, being the angel of a bride that she is, Sojung does not have a large bridal party - three friends, one sister and her mother - that’s it. No one on Yoongi’s side of the family is here and you know better than to question it - you are just glad you don’t have to deal with 20 loud and opinionated women who want to see Sojung pick out a dress. 
So far, she has tried three dresses, all of which fit her perfectly. On a beautiful woman like herself, even a sack would look amazing. She had an elegant style, picking unassuming and not too flashy or fluffy dresses. Once again, she has proven that she has taste and that she is one of the most chilled brides you’ve ever had the pleasure of working with. 
The dress she is wearing right now makes her look absolutely stunning, even with her make-up free face. You can only imagine how breathtaking she will look once she goes through all the bridal touch-ups and makeup. It’s a simple and sleek long-sleeved dress that goes all the way to the ground and follows her body line almost perfectly, barely widening at the end. The only skin it shows is her shoulders, and if she were to go for an updo or half-updo, you can see it working perfectly. Simply, yet breathtakingly elegant. That somehow describes both the dress and Sojung herself. 
“Yeah, I think this is my final choice,” she smiles at her own reflection, obviously happy with the final result. Her friends and family erupt in cheers which startle you for a second, but you awkwardly laugh and join in on their clapping. Eh, you suppose it’s a feeling you’ll understand when your close friend or you yourself find your dress. Now, it’s just a bit awkward but you are more than happy to have one more item off your checklist. 
“This deserves a celebration!” Sojung’s mother announces. “We’re all going for drinks, the mother of the bride is paying,” she laughs when the other girls start clapping and cheering. “Y/N dear, do you want to join us, too? We’ll be happy to have you,” she adds, and her invitation is nothing short of genuine - you’ve heard her praising you as the best wedding planner Sojung could have asked for. 
“Oh no no,” you refuse immediately, smiling at her. “I have a wedding to plan. Besides, I still need to stay here and so does Sojung, unfortunately,” you say, looking at Sojung herself. “They need to take your measurements and see if there needs to be some modification to the dress. Since we’re running on a tight schedule, we need to have it done today.” 
“Oh, not a problem at all,” she smiles at your explanation. “You guys go, I’ll join you later, maybe even convince Y/N to join us,” she tells her group and after a bit of a discussion about where to go, they leave the two of you with the seamstress. Sojung insists that you join her for the measurement part and you do, without thinking twice about it. Organizing the thing is only part of the job - being the emotional support is another, something you’re not truly warned about before joining this line of work. 
Both of you are quiet as the seamstress dances around Sojung, moving the fabric to see how well it fits and moves on her, looking for absolute perfection. Sojung is looking at her reflection and you notice what you can describe as a sad smile on her face. She catches you looking in the mirror before you can look away, but she smiles at you. 
“You know how they say that once you try the dress, you’ll know it’s the one?” she asks and you laugh, having heard the theatrical “this is it, this is the one” one too many times to count - you don’t hold it against the brides, though. The idea is that it’s their special dress, the one they will (hopefully) only choose and wear once. 
“More than once, I’m afraid,” you joke, making her giggle. 
“Yeah, I imagine you’ve heard it a lot,” she mumbles, turning a bit to the side to look at her own profile. “I thought it would feel like that, too. You hear the stories, you see all the wedding shows and you imagine this magical moment that can’t compare to any other special occasion that you’ve ever experienced in your life.” 
“It doesn’t happen to everyone,” you reassure her with a kind smile once you notice her looking at you in the mirror. “Some brides love the extravaganza. They live for attention. Some women who have other interests and character usually just pick them and are done with it. You’re not the first one I haven’t seen shed tears of joy.” 
“Oh, I get that,” she nods, letting the seamstress turn her body towards you and away from the mirror. Once again, you notice that Sojung doesn’t look nearly as happy as brides usually are - not nearly as happy as she was on other occasions. “I just suppose that it’s started to hit me that this is an arranged marriage, after all.” 
To that, you’re not sure what to say. Her statement explains the sadness, as well as the lack of excitement at finding the perfect dress. Even in regular circumstances, this conversation would be a hard one to have, but given your… familiarization with Yoongi, prior to realizing that he is the groom at one of your weddings, it is even harder. 
“Those are still incredibly common,” you tell her, hoping that you sound reassuring. “I’ve planned my fair share of them. And believe it or not, they have a decent turnover rate. Sometimes better than marriages built on pure and utter love.” 
“Both mine and Yoongi’s parents were married like that,” she tells you. “And we both ended up with loving families. I know we’re not… doomed from the start. It's just… at times it doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel entirely wrong either but it also doesn’t feel completely right."
“Getting cold feet is also completely normal,” you reassure her, doing your very best to make her realize that her feelings are more than valid. “It happens more often than you realize, both with brides and grooms. It’s normal, with marriage being such a huge step and change. From my experience, I’d advise you to sit down and speak to Yoongi about it, honestly. I don’t know how close the two of you are but I’ve seen an insane amount of respect you have for one another and one another’s opinions. If you are second guessing yourself, talk to him. It might be more helpful than you think.” 
Or, you could be shooting yourself in the foot and losing a wedding that might lead you to a promotion. Honestly, you’d rather lose the promotion than seeing someone as kind as Sojung sabotage herself. Her behaviour towards you left a bitter taste of guilt in your mouth from the moment you found out who Yoongi actually is - time and time again, you had to remind yourself that it’s not your fault and that you did nothing wrong. Whether or not that had influenced your advice to her, you don’t know for sure. What you do know is that she is too likeable for you to hold anything against her. She genuinely is a decent human being and it would be so much easier for you to go through this if she was a bitter bitch. Maybe then the taste of guilt wouldn’t haunt you - however, it’s something you’ll never find out. 
“I think you might be right,” she nods thoughtfully, a small smile forming on her face. “Even if it’s just a casual conversation, it might be helpful to talk with him about it.” 
“Exactly,” you confirm. “Planning a wedding… it’s crazy. You have so many things to think of, so many choices to make, as well as compromises you might not be ready for. It takes a toll on both sides, so it really would be good for you to sit down and just… talk.” 
“Thank you Y/N,” she smiles at you gratefully. “You’re truly the best.” 
“Just doing my job,” you laugh, wondering in your own head how the fuck did you get from having a crush on a random guy from the mall to having to convince his bride-to-be not to leave him in a matter of days. Less than a month and it’ll all be over. 
Tumblr media
“But I want carrot cake,” Yoongi looks like a sulky child - very literally, seeing as he pouts and crosses his arms, acting like he just got grounded by his parents. It’s amusing to see a grown ass man act like that over something as simple as cake - almost as amusing as it is to see a heavyweight businessman with platinum dyed hair - although, in the past week, it had changed to a more neutral color - it’s a more natural blonde, which you are silently grateful for, as it would definitely look better in the wedding photos - you’re sure both Taehyung and Sojung share the sentiment. 
“Look,” you lean across the table, doing your best to hide your smile. “I love carrot cake, too. It’s my absolute favorite, in fact. But the amount of people that can’t stand the sight of it is incredibly high and I can promise you that at least one third of your 60 guests will have their gag reflex activated at the very sight of it.” 
Both Sojung and Taehyung laugh loudly at your explanation, which is entirely caused by previous experience. Yoongi hides a smile but he is still pouting, still pissy about his damn carrot cake. And you get it, you truly do, but the wedding is not just about him. 
“Y/N makes a very accurate point,” Taehyung backs you up. “The safest bet is to go with the classic - chocolate, vanilla, either or both. That way, even if you have someone who absolutely hates chocolate and or vanilla on your guest list, they’ll have no right to complain because it’s a classic and they’re absolutely weird as hell for not liking it.” 
“You two are so funny,” Sojung laughs, before turning to Yoongi. “I do want to honor your love for carrot cake, though. Is there a way to make it happen? Like… one tier?” 
“Of course,” you nod, exchanging looks with Seokjin, your favorite pastry chef in existence. 
“For 60 people, we can look at a medium sized three tier cake,” he explains. “Carrot cake tends to be more moist than regular chocolate sponge, so it would have to go on the very top, as the smallest tier. Which also makes sense organization wise, since the groom and Miss Wedding Planner over here are the only two people who’ll want to eat it.” 
“Oh shush,” they all laugh when you smack him on the shoulder with your trusty notebook. “Can you make it happen or not? Three tiers, bottom two chocolate sponge with vanilla cream filling and top carrot cake? Or should I take this to your biggest competitor who I know will gladly bend over backwards to make the cake happen?” you tease him, laughing at the scowl he sends your way. 
“Sold,” he grunts. “Now, let’s see what the two of you want the decor to be like. Here you have some examples,” he tells them as he pushes his cake portfolio towards them. “Of course, if you have some specific ideas other than carrot cake on top, I can make it happen. Take your time to look through it.” 
As expected, Sojung and Yoongi reach their decision easily, choosing to go for a simple, white, three-tier cake that will include the same winter flowers that Sojung’s wedding bouquet will have. Sooner than you thought is possible, the two of them gave Seokjin their blessing and were on their merry way, leaving you and Taehyung with your friend and frequent partner, as well as a bunch of cake to eat. 
“I can’t believe you’re that unlucky,” Seokjin laughs as you stuff your face with more cake - the carrot one, of course. “One time you meet a guy, the one time you’re ballsy enough to make the first move, he ends up being a client. I couldn’t be as unlucky as you are even if I tried.” 
“Tell me about it,” you mumble with your mouth full. “I was fuming when I first figured it out, but I’ve had time to cool off. So far, it’s been smooth sailing.” 
“Yeah, except both of them have expressed having cold feet,” Taehyung rolls his eyes. 
“Which is perfectly normal,” you pause to swallow - no more pigging out for you today, you’ve already must have had three full slices, even if you know damn well how each of the cakes Seokjin had presented tastes like. “Besides, you saw them today. They’re fine and dandy.” 
“I beg to differ,” Seokjin laughs. “They’re friendly, not fine and dandy. My theory is that by the time the wedding day is here, Mr. Groom will realize he’s madly in love with you.” 
“Please,” you roll your eyes. “That’s not going to happen. Sojung is a damn catch and he knows it. He was able to pretend like nothing had ever happened.” 
“You talk as someone who doesn’t realize the way he looks at you when your eyes aren’t on him,” Taehyung tells you. “Oh! Wait!” he gasps dramatically. “You are someone who doesn’t realize how he looks at you when he knows you’re not looking at him.” 
“Interesting - is he looking at me in a way that says I’d totally date you if you weren’t planning my wedding or is it a different kind of vibe?” you snap at him, annoyed at his suggestion. Yoongi might not be the man of your dreams but he sure as hell isn’t stupid - and you are fairly certain that if he is sneaking glances at you, they aren’t of the nature Taehyung thinks they are. “Meeting him was nothing more than a happy accident. Finding out that I am organizing his wedding was an unfortunate accident that saved my ass from possibly being hurt somewhere down the line. He has been fully cooperative and almost completely professional - and you, my dear friends, are imagining things. You want gossip and drama and the groom having a thing for me would provide you with both.” 
“While I can’t argue with that,” Seokjin starts, to which both you and Taehyung laugh. “It doesn’t mean it’s not the truth. I’ve spent half an hour with them and I promise you, he had eyes for you more than for his bride to be.” 
“Arranged marriage,” you explain. “They’ll be alright and I’ll be promoted. All is well.” 
You refuse to continue the conversation. As far as things go, you are more than happy with the current state of your relationship with Yoongi - as you’ve said, it is strictly professional, with a few jokes here and there - no different than the one you have with Sojung. By the time you watch him greet her at the end of the aisle, you’ll leave all the bitterness behind you. It still might be here in traces, but by then it’ll be long gone. 
You might even take up Sana on the offer to set you up with a friend of hers - she’s been mentioning him for ages, insisting that he’d be perfect for you. You refused her multiple times, saying you are fine as you are and you aren’t looking for anything but things have changed. As long as he’s not engaged to be married (and your client, at that), you might just give it a go and fully leave the Yoongi mess behind you. 
Tumblr media
“And what about a live band?” Sojung asks, as the two of you follow Taehyung through the many rows of the exact same gift shop that you and Yoongi had met in - he is following the two of you in silence and it’s difficult to tell how he feels about coming back here, but it was nothing more than an accident, since Taehyung had picked the place and as far as you know, he has absolutely no idea where exactly your and Yoongi’s meeting took place. 
“That’s something Taehyung and I disagree on, big time,” you tell her honestly. “You’ll hear two differing opinions. He’ll always go for a live band at weddings and I’d rather you just give a list, hire a DJ, tell him which songs are a must and which are a skip and be done with it.” 
“Why are you against a live band, though?” Yoongi interrupts your conversation. 
“Well, too many things can go wrong,” you explain, continuing to walk with Sojung, not even sparing him a glance. “From broken equipment, a drunk lead singer, a bass player who tries to chase around the bridesmaids… you name it - we’ve seen it.” 
“Yeah… no live band?” Sojung suggests, looking back at Yoongi and you turn to face him too, just in time to catch a nod. 
“No live band,” he agrees easily. 
“Well, that was easy,” you joke. “I know a few DJs but if you have an idea of what kind of music you want, it doesn’t really matter who you’ll pick. You’ll just need to come up with a list of songs you want or would like to hear, as extensive or as minimal as you’d like - and the general genres, as well as if there are some songs you absolutely do not want to hear.” 
“I think you might have just found your first hurdle with us,” Sojung starts laughing. “What? Why? How?” you are on full alert. 
“I like… pop music. You know, the top 40 stuff. Yoongi, however, is a huge fan of hip hop,” she informs you. This causes you to stop in your tracks and turn around. Yoongi freezes in place too, confused by the judgmental gaze you give him. 
“You like hip hop?” you ask, finding it hard to imagine him listening to Snoop or Eminem. It just… doesn’t go with the businessman person that he has. Then again, it goes perfectly with the confused dude in a beanie that you’ve met. 
“I do,” he answers, slowly. “Am I not allowed to?” 
“No, no, you absolutely are,” you shake your head, snapping out of it quickly. “I’m just surprised, that’s all,” you explain, and turn back to Sojung, remembering that she is still very much next to you, listening to the entire exchange. “You’re going to have to find a middle ground there, I’m afraid. I just need a final list and you need to compromise.” 
“I’m fine with the top 40,” Yoongi shrugs as he walks side by side with you. “I mean, I doubt our parents would be particularly interested in dancing to Big Poppa.” 
You laugh so loud, it actually makes Taehyung stop from in front of you and turn in surprise. Both Sojung and Yoongi laugh at your reaction, but you want the ground to swallow you whole. Not only do you have a very specific, embarrassing surprise laugh, but you really do not to fluff up Yoongi’s ego - and you just did that. 
“Sorry about that,” you laugh awkwardly. “Now, let’s go and create those goodie bags.” 
Goodie bags are something that Tae is particularly fond of, therefore, he is often in charge of selecting the content with the couple. You simply tagged along because you need to make sure that he doesn’t go overboard with the pricing - between the two of you, you are the one who tends to keep her eye on the budget. 
Luckily, it’s Christmas season and the wedding is very much centered around it, which gives you a plethora of choices. They’ve selected one cute silver ornament to go in each bag, so yourself and Taehyung ended up with having to pick more than sixty (experience had taught you to always get more than the needed number) ornaments of the same designed and load up your cart, while Sojung and Yoongi walked around the store, looking for more ideas. 
“Why are you glaring at them?” Taehyung asks under his breath once he notices that your eyes are not on the cart, nor the ornaments, but on the two of them, walking around. 
“I’m not glaring at them, I’m watching them,” you offer him a frown. “I’m still a bit worried it’ll all go to shit and we’ll end up with a cancelled wedding, if I’m being honest. They get along well but it’s so obvious that they… don’t really want this. It’s kind of sad to watch.” 
“Tell me honestly - would you want that to happen?” Taehyung asks, causing you to shake your head immediately. 
“Absolutely not,” you answer in a heartbeat. “For one, we’d lose a big wedding. And that’s just the most superficial reason. That happening would probably end up hurting a whole lot of people, probably the two of them, too. And last but not least - it wouldn’t change anything for me. I don’t know why you seem to think that I’d jump at the chance. I consider that chapter to be done, that book to be closed.” 
“I know you do,” Taehyung reassures you in a low voice. “I just wonder if you’d open it if things were to change.” 
“Seeing as we’re currently packing their goodie bag gifts, I doubt we’ll ever have to find out,” you point out the obvious, proceeding to add more ornaments to your cart. Taehyung butting into your business is now starting to get on your last nerve but you’re still holding back from snapping at him at full force, knowing that this is more about your well-being and not gossip. 
He does keep his mouth shut, at least for now, letting the two of you work in silence before finally pushing the cart to where Yoongi and Sojung were standing. It took you a moment too long to realize which display they are in front of - the candle one. 
You allow yourself to close your eyes and take a deep breath - you deserve a moment to brace yourself. While you are mostly okay with the current circumstances, standing at this very place with him and his wife to be is not fun. It’s not fun at all. 
“What do you think about candles?” Sojung turns around, with two small candles in her hands. “They fit the theme, don’t they?” 
“Absolutely,” Taehyung agrees. “They are a great gift and the tiny ones can easily fit a medium sized goodie bag. You can pick more than one scent - not all of them have to be the same - go for different Christmas themed scents, or maybe even include two tiny ones instead of one larger candle.” 
“I love that idea,” Sojung beams at him. “How about we do one vanilla and one Christmas themed, two smaller ones in each bag?” she directs the question to you. 
“No vanilla,” Yoongi speaks up before you even have a chance to open your mouth. The three of you turn to look at him, but unlike Taehyung and Sojung, you know exactly why he said what he did. And you don’t know what to think about it. He doesn’t look at you, but at his fiance, as he explains. “Someone once told me that the scent of vanilla is a big hit or miss. Those who love it, adore it. Those who don’t like it, absolutely hate it,” he explains. 
“That is… very true,” Taehyung chuckles, but given that you don’t end up on the receiving end of his glance, you think that he has no idea that Yoongi got this information for you. 
“Okay, no vanilla,” Sojung smiles, going for the apple cinnamon instead. Oh, the irony. “This is like one of those you got for Tae and Y/N, right? Let’s get those but smaller. That would mean… 120 little candles.” 
“130,” you correct her. “Always have more, always have a backup.” 
“130,” she nods. “How the hell are we going to get all of these to the car?’ 
“Together,” Taehyung jokes. 
It goes on for another hour, the four of you walking around the store in search of tiny gifts. Admittedly, you should have made a better plan before getting here - all the four of you had in mind were Christmas themed gifts - nothing more, nothing less. It was hectic, more hectic than you’d like it to be, but at the end of the day, you got it done and on the way to the parking lot, all available hands between the four of you carrying bags upon bags, Sojung started insisting that Taehyung and you join them for dinner. 
You had no other obligations to use as an excuse, as this appointment was your last of the day but before you could lie and make something up, Taehyung was agreeing and you had no choice but to join their party of three. Just two more weeks. Only two weeks left. 
Tumblr media
“Trust us, getting a DJ is the best possible choice,” Taehyung tells them - if anyone but you notices that he is decently buzzed by now, they say nothing. The wine had gotten to him quickly, like it often does. You can handle your alcohol better than he can, but even you can feel the slight buzz caused from the overly expensive red wine that Yoongi had ordered. 
He and Sojung spared no expense, picking a rather fancy restaurant for an impromptu dinner. And despite your earlier reluctance, the evening has so far been very enjoyable. You were once again proven that both Sojung and Yoongi are likeable people, down to earth and funny, albeit in very different ways. It’s interesting to watch, really. Sojung has such a bright and easy going personality, while Yoongi is more on the quieter side, with a special talent in speaking fluent sarcasm. They are the complete opposite to one another, which makes you think that they are either a match made in heaven or a pending disaster. 
“There’s still more work you’ll have to do there, though,” you remind them as you reach for your glass. “We need at least two or three hours of music to work with.” 
“That one will fall on Sojung,” Yoongi chuckles awkwardly. “I am too big of a snob when it comes to music and I don’t think my picks would get the crowd to boogie.” 
“You’re just like this one,” Taehyung nods his head towards you dismissively, while Sojung and Yoongi laugh at the insulted expression on your face. “She knows her music and doesn’t shut up about it. On the drive here, a random song was playing on the radio, right?” He starts telling the story and you close your eyes, wishing that when you have picked your best friend for life, you went for someone who doesn’t yap so much when drunk. “You’d think she’d just enjoy the song, maybe sing along or something. But no, oh no. Y/N here went on a whole rant on how the song sampled the same song that… Childish Gambino sampled or something, even going as far as giving me an actual year when the original was released.” 
“I’m sorry, I know useless information, it’s just the way I am!” you defend yourself, although you are not really insulted. In a way, it’s easier when you’re the butt of the joke - then you don’t have to make an effort to be funny. 
“Gambino?” Yoongi asks. “Then it has to be Bootsy Collins, doesn't it?” 
Your eyes widen at the same time as your jaw drops, shock coursing through your body. “Oh my god, how the hell did you know that?!” you gasp. 
“I mean, my first guess was Redbone,” he shrugs casually. “And ‘I’d rather be with you’ has been sampled one too many times - although, very well sampled, if I might add. It’s one of the best songs ever created, full stop,” Yoongi agrees. 
At the exact same time, both Yoongi and yourself start singing the chorus of the song, both very off key and you being decently buzzed. “I’ve unleashed a monster,” Taehyung sounds dejected, his head in his hands, while Sojung is laughing loudly at the entire scene. 
“No, Tae, you don’t get it,” you try to explain, your words too fast to sound fully coherent. “It’s the perfectly chill but sexy song and when you hear that guitar and he goes I’d rather be with you-ou, yeah, yeah I’d rather be with youuuuu,” you sing, with enough sanity to keep your voice quiet to avoid further embarrassment. 
At this point, both Sojung and Yoongi are laughing at your… sudden display of passion towards a song - to the point that Sojung has to dab a napkin below her eyes to make sure none of her makeup is ruined by the tears of laughter. Tae is just looking at you, with what you can only describe as a mixture of disbelief and surrender. He can’t with you, he just can’t, and that is something that makes you cackle even when you’re fully sober. 
“I can’t believe I’m stuck with you as a friend for the rest of my life,” he deadpans. 
“Oh bub, the feeling is mutual,” you coo at him, before turning to Yoongi and Sojung to explain. “I’ve known him for more than half of my life. There is no one I love more and there is no one I hate more, especially when we disagree over an event we’re in charge of.” 
“Which doesn’t happen often, at all,” sarcasm drips out of Tae’s every word. 
“This dinner was the best idea we’ve ever had,” Sojung laughs. “It’s very nice to see the two of you having fun and not all… business-like and proper.”
“Now you know us after hours,” you joke, stretching your hand to Yoongi who lifted up the bottle of wine in offer. “At the end of the day, it’s our job and people pay us to make sure that their special days go without a single hitch. We’re hardly changing the world, but we try.” 
“You still make people happy,” Yoongi comments, resting his chin on his hands, looking at you from across the table. “I think that goes a long way.” 
“I agree,” Sojung smiles at you. “We can spend hours here, comparing careers and talking about which one means more, brings more or requires more, but all that matters is that you’re doing something that you enjoy. And making people happy sounds like a good job to have.” 
“Says the one with a non-profit organization,” you jokingly roll your eyes, everyone joining in on the laughter. “You literally change people’s lives on a daily basis, children’s lives.” 
“I do what I can,” she humbly shakes her head. “It’s not nearly enough, but it’s something. And the two of you make people happy, one by one. I know that not everyone will remember their event planner in 5, 10 years time, but we surely will.” 
How? How can she be so kind? So good with words, so sweet and friendly? She’s the perfect girl in every way. With Yoongi’s eyes glued to you, which you can feel clearly even though you are not looking at him, you realize how much easier this would be if Sojung was unlikeable. It would have been so easy to dislike her, even hate her. You couldn’t, no matter how hard you were to try, and luckily for you and your sanity, you really don’t want to try. People like her deserve the world. 
“I too am glad we had this dinner,” Yoongi speaks up - by the time you decide it’s safe to look at him, he is looking at his half-full plate and not at you. “It’s nice to get to know you guys better, since all of us have really been focused on the planning.” 
“It’s our pleasure,” Taehyung tells him. “We don’t often get to,” he starts, only to get interrupted by his phone. “Oops, excuse me, I need to take this,” he quickly gets out of his seat and you worriedly look as he exits the restaurant. 
“I think something went wrong at the bachelor party he is organizing,” you mumble. 
“You think?” Sojung wonders. 
“Mhm,” you nod, staring at Taehyung through the restaurant glass door. “I can tell by the look on his face. Besides, the problems most often occur at bachelor parties.” 
“Why is that?” Yoongi wonders.
“Eh, usually the best man brings over strippers, since they don’t want to ask us to schedule that particular appointment,” you chuckle. “Too much alcohol, too many men. Same goes for bachelorette parties, they are a handful. Let’s just say we’re happy you’ve both decided to skip on those,” you give them a meaningful look, to which they both laugh. 
“Honestly, I thought about organizing something with my friends, but,” Sojung is interrupted just like Taehyung, the sound of her phone ringing literally startling you. “Oh, I am so sorry, I have to take this, it’s about the organization,” she quickly explains. 
“Go, go,” you urge her, watching as she runs towards the toilet, looking for a quiet place where she can take a call. You watch her with a worried glance before realizing that you are suddenly left alone with Yoongi. Taehyung is still on the phone, talking animatedly, angrily even with someone and you look away - meeting Yoongi’s eyes instantly, as the two of you have no choice but to stay awkwardly silent. 
You were doing so well earlier, you were proud of yourself. It was easy to push him away, to be able to go about your day without giving him much thought in any way other than the oh, that’s the groom of the wedding I am helping plan. At night though, when you are alone in silence, with nothing but your thoughts and music keeping you company, you do feel a bit hurt, if only for a brief period of time. You allow yourself to devote a small chunk of your night to grief for what never was and never will be, and smile at him politely the next time you have a scheduled appointment. 
After the venue selection, you haven’t been alone with him and you wish it had stayed that way. With Sojung next to him, it’s easy to focus on what matters the most. With him alone, it’s easy to remember how elated and happy you felt that day, how hopeful you were for what that impromptu coffee date could bring. 
It’s awkward and neither of you can hide it, with you looking away whenever your eyes accidentally meet and him fiddling with the tablecloth like a nervous child. The wine you’ve had can’t be of any help, either. 
Probably a second before the awkwardness became completely unbearable, Taehyung rushes back in the restaurant, looking completely panicked. “I’m so sorry about that - I need to go, ASAP. I already called an uber.” 
“Wait, what happened? Are you sober enough to deal with it? Do you need me?” 
“The best man trashed the hotel room,” he explains quickly as he gathers his stuff - coat, notebook he used to jot down random ideas while you were talking and a few pencils. “I need to get there right away, if I wasn’t sober enough moments ago, I am now. And no, I don’t need help, I can handle it. Enjoy the night and get some rest. Ugh, can you guys explain to Sojung what happened? I really need to run, the car is waiting for me already,” he is already walking towards the door. 
“Yes, don’t worry about it,” Yoongi yells after him, as loud as it is acceptable in a high-end restaurant like this. “You really are on call all the time, aren’t you?” he asks you. 
“24/7,” you confirm, sighing as you lean back into your chair. You worry, knowing how much stress this will bring to Tae. You shouldn’t have listened to him and joined him anyways - at least the two of you can sort it faster than he can alone. On the other hand, you are glad that you don’t need to deal with drunken men. “That makes it sound like we’re surgeons or something but let me tell you, shit goes down at those parties.” 
“I’m glad that the ones I’ve been to haven’t been that extreme,” he laughs. It’s awkward, all of this is awkward - the two of you alone, the forced laughter, everything. You wish that you could somehow use an eraser and completely delete the awkwardness that lingers between you, or even better, turn back time to that day and never approach him to begin with. 
Luckily for you, Sojung approaches the table, saving you from the awkwardness. “Taehyung had to leave,” Yoongi explains to her. “Bachelor party emergency. It sounded bad.” 
“Ugh, now I feel even worse,” she sighs in annoyance. “I’m afraid I have to leave you, too. Sammy called me and there is a problem with the bank transfer and I need to go and solve it, sign some papers to confirm it - I’m so sorry, but it can’t wait.” 
“Do banks work at this hour?” you are confused, seeing that from what you know, banks usually tend to be closed after 9PM. 
“They do when your father is a businessman too rich for his own good,” you can hear the irony in her voice - something that you have liked about Sojung from the get-go - she is not a typical rich girl, despite having all the conditions and money to be so. “I’m so sorry.” 
“We can call it a night then,” you suggest. “I need to call someone to drive me home anyways, it’s better if we end it here.” 
“No, no, no,” she speaks up, lifting her hands. “You guys didn’t even have a chance to finish your dinner, please stay and enjoy the rest of the night. I’ll send over a driver to pick up your car either tonight or tomorrow and you can take an Uber - what time works best for you?” 
“Sojung, I can’t let you do that...” you start. 
“You can and you will,” she rolls her eyes at you casually. “Yoongi, make sure she gets home safe and text me if someone needs to drive her, okay?” she asks, obviously realizing that he is the more likely one to cooperate between the two of you. 
“Will do,” he reassures her. “And you drive safely, please. I know you’re in a rush but… don’t rush,” he reminds her as she, similar to Tae, grabs her belongings. 
“I will. I’m so sorry about this, guys, but I hope you enjoy the rest of your night. We’ll talk tomorrow, okay?” She smiles at you and the moment you nod, she is out of the restaurant, leaving you to sit across the table with a guy who is the literal embodiment of your current ‘what could have been’. 
“I know that you probably want to get this over with as soon as humanly possible but I’d like it if you would at least finish your dinner,” Yoongi is mumbling, once again sounding nervous. If you didn’t see him drink one and only one glass of wine, you’d say it’s because of alcohol but knowing he was definitely the most sober out of the four of you, you know it’s not alcohol - it’s you. And you don’t like it. 
“Things might be a bit awkward but it’s not like I’m a demon and you a crucifix,” you joke, but the moment the words are out of your mouth, you realize how stupid it sounded. “I am okay with this. It’s a bit awkward but hey, awkwardness makes life colorful, doesn’t it?” 
“It sure does,” he mumbles. “If nothing else, at least you can rest assured that I feel horrible.” 
“That doesn’t make anything better, Yoongi,” you shake your head. “God, how could you even think that? You’re making it sound like I hate you or something.” 
“You don’t?” he asks, disbelief noticeable in his voice. 
“Of course I don’t,” you wave him off. “Come on, we’re both grown people. The situation wasn’t comfortable but it’s hardly the worst I’ve had to deal with. You’ve treated me with nothing but respect since. We’re okay. We’re good,” you reassure him. 
You aren’t lying, not one bit - the two of you are okay. Awkward, but okay. However, in your mind and in your head, things aren’t as peachy as you want to make them seem. 
“If it wasn’t sad, it’d be funny, wouldn’t it?” he asks, and you can’t tell if he’s asking you, himself or the universe. 
“What do you mean by that?” 
“Sojung knows, you know,” he tells you. You can practically feel your heart drop at that. 
“She knows that we’ve met before?” you ask, your voice shaky and your mind in complete overdrive, trying to put two and two together, trying to go back and try and see if there was a time when she acted differently around you. “Since when?” you ask him when he nods. 
“Since the day we decided on the venue,” he tells you. 
For the second time in a matter of seconds, you can practically feel your heart dropping. That would mean that Sojung knew that you were interested in her fiance the day you had a heart to heart while dress shopping. She listened to you convincing her that her feelings are valid and normal, all the while knowing that you’ve kept your mouth shut about Yoongi. 
“Oh god, I hate myself,” you blurt out, feeling as if you are going to drown in guilt. With each second that goes by, you remember how kind she was to you and you wonder if it was all an act because almost all along, she was aware of the truth. 
“No!” Yoongi snaps, startling you. “No, it’s not like that. Listen to me - she is very genuine. The amount of respect she has for you has gone through the roof. She liked you before but after finding out that we’ve met before and in which circumstances, she… Y/N, I don’t know her as a husband should know his wife but I do know her better than you do. She truly likes you and respects you even more. She was not bothered by it.” 
“Of course, I’m sure she was over the moon with happiness,” you roll your eyes. 
“I’m dead serious,” he tells you. “She appreciates honesty more than anything and she needed that truth to come from me, not from you. Seeing everything that you have done since, the way that you’ve helped us despite everything… trust me, she does not hold anything against you. Even if she wanted to, she couldn’t - you did nothing wrong.” 
“You should have told me that she knows,” you mumble, shaking your head. “Everything I’ve said to her was honest and true, I was nice because I wanted to be nice. And now she’ll think I was just kissing her ass to make sure I don’t lose the event.” 
“It’s not like that,” Yoongi tries to calm you down but it isn’t exactly working. “Sojung and I… we don’t love one another. It makes this entire situation very peculiar, we are more friends than anything else and we are… doing this while not truly wanting to do this. She understands what had happened that day and she knows that you’ve drawn the line. I’ve told her that, too - how I barely even got you to hear me out and how you were adamant that we will be nothing but professional. This conversation unfortunately breaks that.” 
“I’m glad you told her Yoongi, don’t get me wrong,” you admit. “Among the guilt, there is relief too. I just wish you had told me.” 
“Would you have changed your approach?” he asks and you stay silent. “Be nicer to her? Be ruder to her? Dropped the wedding completely? Or would it all stay the same?” 
You are either incredibly easy to figure out or he is a very good people reader. You can’t tell and you can’t afford to think about it, in all honesty. He knows the truth and so do you - nothing would have changed. You wouldn’t bring up the topic with her, nor would you change your approach. You would remain equally distant from Yoongi and professional with both. 
“You asked me that night if I would have told you,” he continues talking while you stare at your half empty plate of food, focusing on it because you know that looking him in the eyes would make it even worse. “Walking into your office that day made the wedding real. It’s been hanging above my head for a long time, to the point of me always knowing I’d end up with someone my parents pick, since I wouldn’t have the will to put up a fight. But Sojung was the one who was involved with planning - I was away from it and it made the wedding almost fictional to me. It didn’t matter who was sitting on the other side of that desk - the moment I walked into your office, the wedding became real. If someone else was there, if Taehyung was alone - if any other scenario had occurred that day, I would have told you the next time that we met. Because just like Sojung, you deserve the truth.” 
You don’t question the honesty of his statement - nothing that happened the day you met was planned. You can understand that the wedding he didn’t even want was the last thing on his mind. What he did later was wrong, texting and deepening the relationship, if only just plationicaly - but could you honestly say that you wouldn’t be tempted to do the same? If you were in his shoes, expected to marry and spend the rest of your life with someone you don’t truly love - no matter how likeable they are - could you honestly tell yourself that you wouldn’t let yourself have a prolonged moment of weakness like he did? 
No. That’s why you can no longer hold it against him. The two of you had chemistry that was off the charts - if he wasn’t expected to marry Sojung, you have no doubt in your mind that you would have gone on that dinner with him - maybe even more than one. The two of you clicked and the pull for you paired with the fear of going through something he doesn’t really want overwhelmed him. And as much as you want to hate him, hold it against him, stay salty and say that it’s all his fault - you can’t, because you understand. And you forgive. 
“I’m not sure what I can say to that,” you admit, once the silence had become too long, too uncomfortable, suffocating even. “I trust that you would do it, I’m not questioning that. And it’s a bit of a relief, because thinking that you would have played me kind of hurt. But what’s done is done. We’re okay now and I consider everything sorted. When I say that I hope you and Sojung have a long, happy life, I mean it. You both deserve it.” 
“Thank you,” Yoongi chuckles darkly. “The problem is that neither one of us wants it.” 
You know that too, you can see it in him now, you saw it in Sojung’s eyes when she was staring at her reflection in a wedding dress - they truly don’t want it, but are going through with it nonetheless. You know it but you can’t understand it. And while you can’t understand it for the life of you, you can absolutely respect it. Some people are just built differently.
“I’ve told you both - you need to communicate. You are both grown adults - incredibly smart adults, at that. I think you could go well together but it can only work if the two of you put effort in it. And that’s something I have no right to comment on, advise on or honestly, even think about because for a moment there, I honestly thought that I could fall for you,” you chuckle, laughing at just how damn unlucky you are. “And now I’m planning your wedding. But it’s okay. It’s a ‘me’ problem, isn’t it?” 
Yoongi stays silent and you are glad - him saying something could possibly hurt you more than you had already hurt yourself. The thought of a man that you like liking you back being the worst thing you’ve ever experienced is unbelievable. How could it have happened like that? Why did you approach him that day, why did you create this mess for yourself? And for him, too. Because you know his feelings aren’t clear either - you know that you are on his mind a lot more than you should be. And now you know that Sojung is aware of it, too. 
“I need to go,” you tell him, slowly putting down your napkin and pushing your chair away. “If I stay, I’ll end up saying things I’ll regret and I’m smarter than that. Don’t worry, I’ll call someone to pick me up, I won’t drive,” you interrupt him before he can even speak. “Thank you for being honest with me, Yoongi. In another life… who knows.” 
With that, you stand up and leave, taking advantage of him not facing you to approach the bar and cover the bill - that wasn’t part of the plan, he insisted on paying for dinner but your dignity wants you to cover this one, no matter how hard it’ll hit your bank account. 
Texting Sana to pick you up, you take your time on the way to the parking lot, deciding to wait for her in the safety of your car - luckily, Sana always has her phone glued to her hand, so she responds quickly, letting you know she’s already on the way. Knowing that it’ll take her at least 10 minutes to get to where you are, you allow yourself to have a moment of pure weakness - a moment that you have been avoiding for almost two weeks. 
Embarrassed, you wipe away at the tears, the streaks of mascara on your hands mocking you. In the silence of your car, you finally let your emotions out, the sadness, anger and disappointment, knowing that the mix of alcohol and a heart to heart with Yoongi had gotten the best of you. On the bright side, crying it out should help, you suppose. That’s what they say, at least. 
Tumblr media
“Who would have thought,” Hoseok sighs dramatically as he makes himself comfortable, twirling the whiskey in his hands while grinning at him. “The Min Yoongi, getting married. What’s that one song called - First of the gang to die?” he asks. 
“Hoseok, I’m pretty sure that’s not what Morrrissey was singing about,” Yoongi laughs at his comment. “Although, the expression fits my predicament, so I won’t complain about it.” 
“Two days left of your bachelor life,” he comments - it’s funny, how Yoongi would have expected that his best friend won't be the one to help dig the hole that he is already in. Every comment of his makes it worse, although Yoongi knows that isn’t Hoseok’s intention at all. “And you decide to spend your official last night as a free man with just me and the most expensive bottle of whiskey you could find?” 
“I’m not in the mood to celebrate,” Yoongi chuckles darkly, twirling his own glass, watching the ice slowly melt and mix with the liquid. Whiskey like this shouldn’t be served on the rocks, but he couldn’t afford to care tonight - not when he plans on having more than one glass. “It’s all arranged. We don’t need to make a circus event out of it - the wedding will only have sixty guests after all, why would I need anything other than a drink and my best man for my last night of freedom?” Yoongi wonders, only just realizing how bitter he sounds. All that comes out of him these days is bitterness and it’s only becoming worse, the closer the wedding date gets. He has two full days and it still feels like a fever dream, a nightmare that he will wake up from at any moment. He keeps on hoping that reality is close, that he’ll open his eyes any second now, but it won’t happen. 
“You still can’t get that planner girl out of your head, can you?” 
Hoseok knows him better than Yoongi would like to admit - it’s hard for him not to, they’ve been friends for more than 20 years. Yoongi might be able to hide from others but whatever it is that is going on - Hoseok will recognize it immediately. “Yes,” he admits without having to think twice about it. “At first, it was even easy to push it away, when she pushed it away, too. Now I’m back to her being all I think about when I’m not thinking about the damn wedding.” 
“I can’t believe it escalated to that level,” Hoseok comments, to which Yoongi laughs. 
“Oh, I can. I just wish it didn’t. It would have been so much easier for all of us if she hadn’t approached me that day - if I didn’t continue it, asked her for coffee, for her number… She, Sojung and myself would have been dealing with a lot less drama if I had used my brain.” 
“At first I was surprised to hear how well Sojung handled it but it makes sense - she doesn’t want this any more than you do.” 
“She doesn’t,” Yoongi agrees. “But she’s also more willing to stick it through. You know, there were a few moments when I thought that she is… hoping that something happens between myself and Y/N. If something happened, it would give us both an excuse that we are too scared to find ourselves.” 
“Then why don’t you look for it?” Hoseok sounds irritated now and Yoongi can’t blame him. “Neither of you want this. You’re grown adults, for fuck’s sake! It doesn’t matter if you like someone else or not - why are both of you agreeing to something that you can avoid?”
“Because it was supposed to be easy!” Yoongi snaps, nearly spilling the liquid from the glass. Realizing how he is overreacting, he pauses to take a deep breath. “It was supposed to be easy and simple, done without thinking. I never cared enough about any woman in my life to want to oppose the idea of marrying someone my parents think is best for me. Now that I do, it’s too late and she’s planning the bloody wedding.” 
“Every relationship ends in one of two ways,” Hoseok starts again. “You either stick it through and stay together for the long run, or you break-up. There is no third option. Either stuck for life, whether in a good way or bad, or forever appart. You and Sojung could end up in both ways. On one hand, I can see you growing to love one another after you have a chance to get used to everything, after getting to know each other better and building… a life together. But at the same time, I can see you ending up an old, bitter couple that resents one another because they wasted the chance of a lifetime for something neither of you have wanted.” 
He’s right - Yoongi has gone over it himself, both in his head and outloud, countless times, both before getting engaged to Sojung and especially after meeting Y/N. 
“I sure am glad that you’ll be the one delivering the best man speech,” Yoongi deadpans. “I can’t wait to hear it, especially if it’s as hopeful as the one you’ve just given me.” 
“Yoongi, cut the crap,” Hoseok laughs at him. “You might be making the worst decision of your life and what for - to make your parents happy? We live in the 21st century, they’ll survive if the woman carrying your offspring isn’t of royal blood,” he rolls his eyes. 
“It’s not about that, you know it,” Yoongi is exasperated, tired from it all. “They just-” 
“Have a son that is a grown ass adult and runs his own company,” Hoseok interrupts him. “And who is allegedly capable of making his own decisions for himself - just as Sojung is.” 
“Are you actually suggesting that we should call off a wedding that is happening in two days? Is that your idea?” Yoongi asks, dumbfounded. 
“I’m saying that for once, both of you, or at least one of you, should do what they actually want. If that’s a wedding, perfect. If that’s to call it all off, perfect. Yoongi, I’d go through hell and back for you - you’re my best friend, you know I consider you a brother. I’m worried that you’ll be making a huge mistake in two days' time, but if that’s your call, then I’ll stand by your side as your best man while you make it.” 
“Ugh, this is not how bachelor parties are supposed to go, is it?” 
“Absolutely not,” Hoseok laughs at him. “Yoongi, you still have two days. If it doesn’t feel right, talk to Sojung. You were honest with her before and you can be honest with her now. Your family, her family, the sixty people that will be there… They all know it’s a deal, not a relationship. People would talk about it for two days and then it’ll all be over. Or, you will clear your head and actually mean the vows that you will say to Sojung. Because what’s been happening for weeks now isn’t fair to you, to Sojung, nor to your wedding planner.” 
Hoseok is right - the problem is, that is a conversation that should have happened the day Yoongi had found out that Y/N is organizing the wedding, not two days before it. Cancelling it, following his heart and not his brain, would only make it worse. Yes, it’s unfair towards all three of them, but changing it would only make it worse. It would be too much for him to do that to them, he can’t do that to them. Not to Sojung, not to Y/N. 
“It’s too late now,” Yoongi decides after a long moment of silence. “It’s already set in stone.” 
“Then here’s to the happy couple,” Hoseok lifts his glass, mockingly toasting Yoongi and his fake marriage-to-be. That’s all it is, after all - a mockery, something fake, something neither Yoongi, Sojung or any of their guests believe in. It’s all it deserves - mocking. 
And that’s just something Yoongi’s going to have to learn to live with. 
Tumblr media
Nothing feels more wholesome than seeing all your plans come to fruition. One by one, as the flower arrangements filled up the room and white cloths covered the chairs, you could feel and actually see how it’s all coming together - all the brainstorming, the presentations and sketches, hours that spent into making it all happen - piece by piece, it’s coming together, right in front of your eyes. It’s wholesome, joyous, so incredibly fulfilling. 
Today, it doesn’t feel that way. At least not completely. Yes, you are proud of your work and you can’t help but internally awe at how beautiful everything looks but there’s an air of sadness that covers you - it follows you with every step you take, like a cloud that hangs above you, a reminder of how for the first time in your entire career, you can’t say that you are 100%, truly and genuinely happy for the soon-to-be married couple. 
At least you can say that you’ve handled it with as much dignity as humanly possible. One more day and it’ll all be over - you will be able to say that you did a good job, that you are a good wedding planner and a good person, respectful and understanding. 
“I can’t believe you pulled this off in a little more than a month,” Sojung comments as she walks over to you. “You and Taehyung really are the best planners in the business.” 
“Thank you, but let’s wait until you are married and then you can confirm it,” you suggest with a smile, knowing all too well that something might go wrong - some items might arrive late, someone might make a mess, something might break - there’s still time for things to go wrong, unfortunately. “It really is stunning though, isn’t it?” 
“It is,” she nods. “I’m glad Yoongi ended up selecting this place,” she tells you. The mention of Yoongi makes you feel instantly uncomfortable, which is ridiculous, seeing as he is in the same room as you are, only a few rows away, speaking to Taehyung. His presence didn’t make you feel entirely peachy but talking with Sojung about him - it’s worse. Knowing that she is well aware of what happened between you and Yoongi didn’t change things between you on the outside. On the inside, however, you have been drowning in guilt ever since the night Yoongi had told you that she knows. 
“Everything fits together perfectly,” you sigh, but it’s one of relief. Your heart has given up and is going through it’s grieving process, something that you wish you could stop or at least control better. But you know that everything will be easier after tomorrow, and that is why the sigh you’ve let out is not of annoyance, anger or anything negative - it’s one of relief. 
“It really does,” Sojung agrees, looking over the hall before you. It’s almost done to the point of perfection and it’s exactly the way she and Yoongi wanted it to be - elegant, pretty, but not too over the top. The flowers are your absolute favorite, along with the cream colored tiny Christmas lights that are covering the ceiling - not too many of them, of course - you’re only looking for just a dash of casualness and hipster, not an overwhelming amount of it. 
“All we need to do now is to set up the wedding arch,” you come back to your senses, not wanting to waste time aweing at the scene in front of you when you’ll have more than enough time to do it tomorrow. “We need the boys to help us with that one, I’m afraid.” 
Taehyung, Yoongi and the florist worked together to carry and center the floral wedding arch exactly where it should be, with you being their navigator. It was annoying - a little to the left, a little to the right, just a bit more forward - you could see the annoyance growing within them, making you want to jokingly yell ‘PIVOT’ just to see their reactions - you did not, as you want to live to see tomorrow. After a bit of a struggle, the arch was placed in what you deemed it’s most suitable place, front and center at the end of the aisle. 
“Well, there we have it,” you clasp your hands together, forcing yourself to smile, trying to keep it as genuine as possible. “Go and stand under it, almost-newlyweds - let’s see what it looks like!” you urge Sojung and Yoongi, making shooing motions towards the arch. 
It’s easier than you thought it would be - to see the two of them standing like that, facing one another under the beautiful floral arch. Knowing what Sojung’s dress looks like, it’s easy to imagine her in it and how perfect the moment will be - the photographs are going to be beautiful. They fit each other well and they will look absolutely amazing when it happens. 
But the longer you watch, the harder it is - you see them making eye contact, smiling awkwardly and a lump forms in your throat, no matter how hard you try not to let it get to that. It hurts, you can’t lie - but it’ll be over soon and it is for the best. 
“It looks amazing,” Taehyung comments cheerfully, saving you from having to say it yourself, whether he is aware of it or not. “It will be absolutely gorgeous, I can see you in your suit and dress - everyone will be in awe of you,” he tells them and you find the strength to nod, still smiling at them and hoping you’re not showing the sadness that is overwhelming you. 
“Wait, I want to see what it looks like,” Sojung suddenly pipes up. “Y/N, can you come here for a second? Let’s change our point of view, I want to see what it looks like as a viewer, not as a bride,” she tells you, waving you over with her hand. 
For a moment, you are frozen while your mind goes in overdrive - is she doing this on purpose? If so, does she have a malicious intention? She knows the truth, yes, you know that now, but she always acted the same towards you - always nice, always friendly. A change this sudden doesn’t make sense - you have to believe she isn’t being mean on purpose. That just doesn’t sound like the Sojung that you’ve gotten to know lately. 
You slowly walk towards them and the way she smiles at you confirms that there can’t be any bad intention behind her action. Or you are a complete fool, which you doubt but would that really be a surprise to anyone? Without much of a choice, you switch places with Sojung and stand right in front of Yoongi, staring at the ground below you, at the stairs that lead up to the arch, at Taehyung and Sojung - your eyes darting anywhere, looking and anything and everything except him. You can’t look at him - you can’t, you just can’t. 
You can hear both Sojung and Taehyung talking but you can’t decipher the words - it’s like you’ve blocked everything, every sound and every sight and decided to completely draw yourself in. Is it self-preservation? Probably. But it can only last so long and before you could stop yourself, you lift your head and finally look at Yoongi, only to find him already staring. 
There is… so much. So much unsaid in the way he looks at you, emotions that you can see swimming in his eyes, things that make his mouth open just barely, before he closes it again because he can’t. And you can’t. There are so many things that have to remain unsaid, now and forever and knowing that it’s like that, being faced with it in such a voyeuristic way, in front of your best friend, his future wife and Yoongi himself - it’s too much. It’s too much. 
“I have to....,” you start, blurting out words only to realize you don’t have an excuse. “I have to go and check something, if you’ll excuse me,” the words slip out of you before you can stop them, forming nothing but letting everyone know exactly what is happening - the shame of them knowing, realizing that they know what’s bothering you only makes it worse - you go as fast as you can towards the door, barely stopping yourself from breaking into a run down the aisle. You open the grand door quickly and slam it just as fast, not stopping in your tracks but walking away from the venue, as quickly as you can. 
The weather is ice cold and your sweater doesn’t do much to protect you from it, but you couldn’t care less. In fact, you find the cold comforting, much more comforting than the warmth of the venue - in the cold, you are alone and calm, finally able to breathe after being too scared to even do that. 
You have failed and made a scene - in front of both Sojung and Yoongi, something that never should have happened. You promised yourself, Taehyung as well, that you can do this, that you can go through this without a hitch and for a while, it was the truth. And now you want nothing more than to be as far away from this as physically possible. 
Walking all the way to the parking lot, you settle for leaning onto your car - the metal freezing through the denim of your jeans, but it’s not like you care. Your coat and bag are both inside, one of them holding the keys to your car, leaving you stranded - you can’t leave without going back and you’re not ready to go through that. 
You don’t even know if you want to leave. No, you do - you want to stay, do your job properly and finish the task that you’ve started, like the professional you have pretended to be. Oh, how well you pretended, for weeks. You were even able to fool yourself. And here you are now, in the parking lot, on the verge of tears. For the second time, too - only the first time around, after that damn dinner, you didn’t have the energy to fight the tears. 
Now, you do. You don’t know why - it could be the remnants of your dignity that are preventing you from showing them that you felt so bad, you were brought to tears. Taking deep breaths, you slowly calm yourself down, repeating over and over again in your head that you only have to survive less than 24 hours of this and then, you’ll be fully free. 
“Y/N!” you hear a voice call out for you, your head snapping up in surprise. You figured that if anyone was going to come after you, it would be Taehyung - the last person you expected to see is Sojung, running towards you in distress, your coat in her hands. “You will freeze to death!” she comments worriedly as she approaches you. 
“I’m okay,” you shake your head. “I like the cold.” 
“You will get sick, you can’t be out here like this,” she insists, lifting up your coat. Not having the strength or will to argue with her on it, you slide your hands into the sleeves and let her help you put your coat on. The distressed look is still present on her face - for the first time ever, you see her in what you can only describe as panic. “I am so sorry, Y/N.”
“What?” you are confused. “Wait, what for?” 
“I… wasn’t thinking straight,” she sighs, closing her eyes. Now you know it’s not distress - it’s guilt. The look on her face - pure guilt. “I just wanted to see what it looks like from a guests point of view, I didn’t even think of how stupid it was, how unfair it was towards you, I-” 
“Sojung,” you silence her. It’s unusual but not entirely awkward - both of you are speaking about something that you refuse to name, you are walking around it while being fully aware of its presence - and it’s not working. At least not anymore. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for. I understand and I know what you meant by it. It’s me who should be sorry,” you point out, once again feeling the wave of guilt approaching. “That was incredibly unprofessional of me and you do not deserve that.” 
“Y/N, stop it,” Sojung sighs. “You’re human. And this is… a very shitty situation,” she decides after a moment of pondering - it makes the both of you laugh. A very shitty situation, indeed. “I wish that things weren’t like they are, I really do. I’m sorry that it’s hindering you in doing your job and I’m sorry that… this is something that… constantly brings negativity to you.” 
“It’s not like that,” you shake your head, offering her a sad smile. “I love my job and you still are a joy to work with. The… shitty situation is far from simple but it’s manageable. That was  just a moment of weakness, nothing more. Everything will go according to plan from now on,” you reassure her - and it’s not empty. You believe in it. After feeling so humiliated by your own weakness, you will do whatever it takes, move heaven and hell if you must, just not to let it show again. A moment like this will not happen again. 
“We’re making a mistake,” Sojung starts laughing - it’s not a fun laughter, it’s one of panic. “We’re all making a huge mistake. Me, you, Yoongi - all of us, together. And why? Why are we doing this? Why am I marrying him? Why is he marrying me? Why are you planning our wedding? Why do we consciously keep doing things that… don’t bring us joy?” 
You are taken aback by her sudden rant, never seeing that kind of negativity from her before. It makes sense though, she was hiding it the same way you were. And still, none of that negativity is directed towards you. Even now, even now, she is not directing anything ill to you. And at this point, you’re starting to think that you might deserve it. 
“I don’t know,” you shrug, answering honestly. “It’s easier than the alternative? We don’t have an alternative? We’re too scared?” you throw out guesses, random guesses that you don’t really believe in. “It doesn’t matter anymore. We’re still sticking to what we have decided to do. And tomorrow, a new life will start for all three of us.” 
“Will it, though?” Sojung asks. “Will it really?” 
“I don’t know,” you admit. “I can only hope, ‘cause what else do I have?” you laugh awkwardly. Silence falls between the two of you and you take a few deep breaths. “Thank you for speaking with me about this, for coming after me. Thank you for everything, really. I promise you, nothing like what happened earlier will happen again.” 
“Y/N-” Sojung starts  but stops talking immediately when you shake your head. 
“No, it’s all good. We’re good,” you insist, despite knowing that she doesn’t believe you - despite knowing all too well that it’s a lie that not even you are buying at this point. “Let’s go back inside and wrap it up, huh?” you start walking before she can stop you. 
“Y/N-” she tries to speak with you again, but you stop in your tracks, turn around to face her and offer her a genuine smile. You like her - if the situation was the least bit different, you could see yourself being friends with her. But tomorrow, she will be his wife and being close to her would imply being near him and that’s not something you can handle. That being said, when you smile at her, although your smile is sad, it’s genuine, 100% genuine. 
“It’ll all be okay,” you reassure her. “Let’s go back inside.” 
This time around, she doesn’t try to stop you. You walk back inside the venue, with her by your side, both of you acting as if nothing ever happened. 
You avoid Yoongi’s eyes for the rest of the day. 
Tumblr media
Two more hours. That’s all it takes. Two more hours and it’ll be over and done with. Well, the actual wedding - the celebration of it will last longer but at that point, you’re guessing that it won’t matter. Or, you’ll simply find out when it happens. 
It was easy to not think about what’s going to happen - you were busy, extremely busy, already at the venue at 6AM after a sleepless night full of tears. Your make-up and outfit was perfect, planned and executed to make you look as professional as possible and hide the things you don’t want others to see. 
Tae didn’t get to question you but that’s all on luck - he was as busy as you are, rushing from room to room, not having a chance to stop and grill you when he had to worry about helping Seokjin move the cake to the refrigerator. The whole morning, the two of you were running all over the place, in opposite directions, either yelling at each other from across the room or on the phone, trying to coordinate your tasks and positions, all while periodically checking in on Sojung and Yoongi - you on her, and Taehyung on him, because you know better than to make that kind of mistake. 
Everything was going according to plan but you can never be too sure - you counted the chairs three times, despite knowing that the number of them won’t change - for all you know, someone could have taken one to climb up and decorate the ceiling and hadn’t returned it to it’s rightful place. Wedding days are hard, but today, it’s easy - you have so much work, you don’t even have time to think, much less feel and for that, you will be eternally grateful. 
“Okay, the hall is ready,” you talk to yourself, looking through what you call the back door - one that leads to a long hallway that which then branches at the end into two separate rooms - one for Sojung and her maid of honor, the other for Yoongi and his best man. You scan the grand hall once, twice, three times, making sure that everything is in the exact place that it should be. The closest family members of both Sojung and Yoongi arrived moments ago, with Taehyung greeting them, introducing himself and taking them down the aisle to their assigned seats. Of course, they can still move around and mingle - they likely will, once other guests start to arrive, but them being here makes any possible trouble increase tenfold - whatever might happen, if it happens in front of them, it’ll be harder to solve. “Flowers, there. Lights, there. Arch, perfect. White covers, there. Mistletoes all over the place, there. Candles, there. Candles - not yet lit. Fire hazard. No bueno - we don’t want that. Will be lit minutes before,” you talk out loud. 
“They say that talking to yourself is the first sign of madness,” a voice speaks behind you, startling you to the point of almost making you jump out of your own skin. You recognize the man immediately - it’s Hoseok, Yoongi’s best man. You haven’t met him formally but you have seen him arriving with Yoongi and recognized his name from countless lists that you have been scanning in the past few weeks. He’s incredibly handsome - the suit fitting him like it’s tailor made - and in fact, it might be. A bright smile is prominent on his beautiful face - he is by far the happiest looking person on the premises. 
“You just cost me at least 5 years of my life, best man,” you frown at him, a hand on your chest as your fast beating heart calms down. 
“Sorry about that,” he chuckles, as charming as one can be. “You already seem to know who I am - may I know who you are?” he asks you, a slight hint of flirtation audible in his voice. 
“I’m the wedding planner,” you reply. His reaction - the widening of his eyes as realization comes to him would be funny, if the situation isn’t as sad as it is. 
“Oh,” he says and you’re pretty sure it sounds more meaningful than he intended it to be. 
“Yes, oh,” you chuckle awkwardly. “This has to be the best ‘OH’ I’ve ever experienced,” you joke, hoping that the humor will make it easier for you and brighten the situation at least a little bit. On surface level, it works - Hoseok starts laughing. 
“You’re funny,” he comments. You don’t know how to answer that, simply nodding with a kind smile. “And you and your colleague have done a great job. The venue looks amazing.” 
“Thank you very much,” you thank him. “I’m about to go check on the bride but how is the groom doing, with two hours left to go?” you ask. It’s not a trick, nor are you hoping that he will read between the lines - there’s nothing there to find. You simply want to know how Yoongi is doing without actually seeing him. You want to make sure that it’s all good and that he is doing okay but not put yourself through the torture of seeing him ready to be married - you will only face that view once he stands at the end of the aisle, and you plan to look away. 
“He’s…” Hoseok struggles to find the right words. Somehow, you once again ended up making everything worse for you - that was not your original plan. “He is doing okay. I mean, we all know what’s going on here, so I’d say he’s as okay as he can be.” 
“Maybe that’s all he needs to be,” you shrug, but you know that your pretend reluctance isn’t fooling him - the way he eyes you up is proof enough. “If you’ll excuse me, I’m going to check on Sojung and see if she needs any help,” you tell him, making a run for it before he can stop you. You don’t believe that he would, but you’d rather not leave it to chance. 
Before you turn left, to her room, you look at the door on the right and pause, thinking, wondering, if this is your last chance to tell him what you want to tell him. But what do you want to tell him? Is it even something you know? You wish it was different? You hope he and Sojung have a good life? You regret ever approaching him? All of those are true and none of them need to be said or heard. You’ve had your chance to speak your mind and you have closed that door. You’ve closed that door the day he walked into your office and you’ve locked it the night you left him alone in the restaurant. 
Forcing a smile for the nth time, you open the door, walking inside quickly to see Sojung with her sister - she is already fully dressed, veil placed on her long, curled locks, and a face full of makeup done so well it almost looks inconspicuous - the only reason you know about the large amount of makeup that is on her is because you’ve gotten used to watching her bare face in the past weeks and honestly, she’s prettier without it. But the whole getup - the dress, hair, face, veil - it makes her one of the most beautiful brides that you have ever seen. 
“You look absolutely stunning,” you tell her, feeling a sudden wave of emotion - but this one isn’t negative. In a very unusual way, you have grown fond of Sojung, and seeing her like this makes you feel happy - almost enough to mask the sadness completely. “Everything looks perfect outside, I wish you could see it,” you tell her, knowing that the last picture in her mind is of the almost fully decorated hall - you’ve done more in the meantime. 
“Thank you,” she tells you, honesty seeping out of every word. You exchange smiles, both a bit sadder than they should be. Her sister steps aside, allowing the two of you to meet in the middle of the room and when Sojung reaches for your hand, you accept it gladly. “It doesn’t cut it, a simple thank you isn’t enough to express the gratitude that I feel for everything that you’ve done for us. For me. All of it.” 
“Don’t you dare make me cry, Sojung,” you warn her through laughter, fighting back the tears the same way she is. In the weirdest way possible, you have bonded and the moment you’re in now is so raw and genuine, it’s impossible to fight off the tears completely. “You make the most beautiful bride and I hope you enjoy every part of your wedding.” 
“Now you’re going to make me cry,” she chuckles awkwardly, blinking away the tears, looking away from you. You lock eyes with her sister, who observes your interaction but says nothing, although she does have a strange expression on her face. She knows that you and Sojung get along well, but you’re not sure if she’s aware of… everything that has transpired. 
“Can we go outside?” she asks. “Like, to grab some fresh air? It’s all a bit overwhelming and I know that there’s a back door-” she starts. 
“Yes, of course,” you nod. “Do you need a coat? I don’t want you to freeze to death,” you point out, knowing that the dress doesn’t have thousands of layers and the last time you were outside, it was snowing. But Sojung shakes her head, grabbing a hold of your hand again and making her way towards the corner of the room, towards the door that leads to the garden that is normally used for spring weddings. You don’t even try to stop her, not even in an attempt to prevent from getting the ends of her dress wet with snow. 
Luckily, you don’t walk directly into the snow covered grass - the sides of the venue are covered in cobblestone, one that matches the walls. Sojung is safe, so long as she doesn’t slip and you’ve made sure that she is wearing flats - one too many accidents with brides in high heels have happened in your career - in fact, ‘wear flats’ might just be your number one advice to any bride-to-be. 
“Oh this is much better,” she takes a deep breath, her exhale visible from how cold it is. 
“Are you sure you don’t want a coat or something?” you check again, looking around like the fool you are, as if you might find a rogue coat lying hooked on a window or something. Something catches your eye and your head snaps to the right - right on time to see him. 
He’s away from you, almost completely with his back turned - next to him is Hoseok and the two are engaged in a conversation, keeping you safe from him turning around and seeing you. You and his bride to be. 
The world stops. For you, the world stops moving, everything stops and all you can see is Yoongi, wearing his suit, nervously swaying from leg to leg, completely oblivious to you being able to see him - completely oblivious of his future wife standing right behind you, already in her wedding dress. The world stops and you could swear that for a moment, so does your heart. 
As fast as it has stopped, it starts moving again - faster, with you unable to balance it, think clearly or make conscious decisions - there’s only one thought in your mind - you need to leave. In the speed of light, you turn to face Sojung, startling her with how fast you move - she had her eyes glued to Yoongi as well. 
“Sojung, I can’t,” you gasp, realizing that you might start hyperventilating. “I can’t stay. I can’t be here. I can’t. I just can’t. I’m so sorry but I can’t.” 
“Y/N, breathe,” Sojung grabs you by the shoulders. “Breathe and calm down, please. You don’t have to. You don’t have to stay. I understand. We will all understand. If you need to go then go, but now I need you to pause and calm yourself down because you’re on the verge of what looks like a mental breakdown and I don’t want that to happen to you.”
It’s usually you who runs that speech and brides that are panicking - with the tables turned, you can only imagine the state you’re in - if you look anything like the brides you have calmed down over and over again, no wonder Sojung is mildly panicking. 
“I thought that I could but I can’t,” you admit in a defeated gasp, no longer able to hold back tears. “I feel… I just feel. And I can’t. I’m so sorry Sojung, fuck, I’m so sorry!” “Stop apologizing,” she orders you in a calm town. “There is nothing you should be apologizing for. I understand and if you need to leave, I want you to leave. You need to do what’s best for you. If that’s leaving, then go. But I need to make sure that you can get home safely because I don’t think you can drive.” 
“I can,” you reassure her. “I’ll calm down before driving. I just… I need to go.” 
Sojung looks troubled for a moment but what she does next only makes the tears flow faster - she pulls you in for a hug, not caring if she wrinkles her dress or if your running mascara ruins her veil. She hugs you tightly and you let her hold you, the moment of weakness taking over you. You don’t know how long you stay in her embrace but when you pull away, you are no longer crying or breathing heavily. 
“I will never be able to thank you enough,” you manage to utter. 
“Neither will I be able to thank you,” she sounds sad, perhaps even sadder than you. You must be so pathetic and sad to watch, you can’t blame her. “Just… be safe. We can talk later. Go and put yourself first, please. I don’t want to see you broken, Y/N. I don’t.” 
“Thank you,” this time around, you are reaching for her hand and squeezing it. You hold it for a long time before finally letting go and walking away, in the opposite direction from Yoongi - if he is even outside anymore. In hurried steps that quickly turn into a run, you beeline towards your car, thanking your lucky stars that you’ve kept your car keys in the pocket of your blazer this time around. Your phone, too, which you are going to have to use soon because Taehyung needs an explanation and an apology - a thousand apologies, to be more specific. But none of that matters this second - all you can focus on is getting to your car and driving away as fast as possible. 
Tumblr media
No matter what he did, Yoongi couldn’t stop his leg from bouncing - his nerves were getting the best of him, that’s for sure. He went to get some fresh air, paced around the room a dozen times, had a strong drink, both talked to Hoseok and stayed silent for a long time. He did it all by the book, even going so far as to do what Y/N jokingly called yoga breathing - deep breaths, in and out, until he finally feels calm again - she’d say it works like a charm with nervous couples. 
None of it worked. Absolutely none of it - he was still nervous, noticeably so, and it doesn’t help that everyone else around him seems to feel the same way. His energy definitely bounced over to Hoseok, turning his usual bright smile to a frown, while Taehyung is as far from his chirpy self as possible. Yoongi has seen him serious before, angry even, if only for a fraction of a second - but he has never seen him this nervous - he checks his phone every other second and when Yoongi is not the one pacing across the room, it’s Taehyung.
Yoongi has ignored it for long enough, but now he’s making him feel even worse, if that’s even possible. “Taehyung, what is happening?” Yoongi’s voice startles him - he looks at him wide-eyed, stopping in his tracks in the middle of the room. “Is everything okay out there?” 
In the few weeks that Yoongi has known him, he has realized that Taehyung is very direct and honest, speaking his mind and expressing his opinion with ease, even though he has a talent of picking his words carefully. This is the first time Yoongi sees him not having an answer ready - he looks puzzled, worried and perhaps even a bit panicked. “Everything is okay,” Teahyung reassures him. “The guests are arriving, everything's in its place, the bride is ready - all is good.” 
He is lying to him - it’s clear as day. Yoongi exchanges looks with Hoseok and he silently confirms it - both of them tend to be good people readers, but Hoseok never fails - if his look tells Yoongi that Taehyung is lying, he is lying. The only question is - about what? 
“Taehyung, are you sure?” Yoongi asks again, hoping for an honest answer this time around. 
“Positive,” he tells him. “Sojung is ready, everything is perfectly decorated, as far as I know everyone’s happily mingling and waiting for the ceremony. Even the carrot cake top tier on your cake looks amazing,” Taehyung cheekily adds, probably trying to distract him. 
It fails - miserably. He mentioned Sojung, the venue, the guests, the cake - all the things that are the most important. The one thing, or to be more specific, person, that he did not mention is Y/N. And that would explain why he’s as jittery as he is now. 
“Where’s Y/N?” 
Bullseye. All of a sudden, his face drops and so does his act. 
“Yoongi, she left,” Taehyung admits, his voice low and somber. “She couldn’t, she just couldn’t. Sojung told me that she had made sure she was calm enough to drive and Y/N texted me. Everything is okay and according to plan but she’s not here. She couldn’t take it.” 
How could she handle it? No, why would she handle it? Why would she stand there and watch him marry another woman when she knows he doesn't want to do it, when she knows that he has spent the better part of the last month ignoring the feelings he has for her. Why would she stand there and watch Yoongi marry someone else when she is definitely not the only one who… feels something. Yoongi can’t and he won’t name it - he wouldn’t do it even if he could - but what he feels for her is more than anything he has ever felt for Sojung. And they both know it. 
“I need to talk to her!” Yoongi jumps up immediately. 
“Talk to whom?” Taehyung is wide-eyed, completely panicking. 
“Y/N.” 
“Dude, you can’t leave your own wedding,” Hoseok jumps onto his feet, practically running towards Yoongi, the hand on Yoongi’s shoulder squeezing him tightly. “Are you completely out of your mind? You’re supposed to be getting married in less than half an hour - if you wanted to run, you should have done it a lot earlier, Yoongi!” 
“I am not running anywhere!” Yoongi snaps at him, annoyed at the way he is berating him. Yes, it’s in his best interest but now’s not the time that he can focus on it. “I need to speak to Sojung, right now,” he tells them, already walking towards the door - both Taehyung and Hoseok try to stop him, yelling words that he can’t understand. “Guys, I have to!”
“You can’t see her in a wedding dress, it’s bad luck!” Taehyung gives Yoongi his final attempt to stop him - to that, he laughs. 
“With the luck we’ve had so far, I doubt it would change much,” Yoongi shrugs, opening the door despite their protests. Walking quickly across the hallway, he opens the door to Sojung’s room without bothering to knock, rudely scaring both her and her sister - there is relief in Sojung’s eyes as she turns to look at him. 
“Yoongi,” she sighs, not moving from where she is standing. Her sister rushes out of the room, probably knowing that they need privacy. Seeing Sojung in a wedding dress is borderline painful - she is gorgeous, absolutely stunning. It hurts to see her like that, a smart, kind and beautiful woman, ready to marry him - and it is not enough. 
Yoongi hates himself for it - it would have been so much easier if he could have just fallen for Sojung. He had every reason to - she is literally perfect. He likes her, she is amazing - but he knows he doesn’t love her and the chances of him ever loving her are… probably non-existent. And having her know that as well makes it so much worse. 
“I can’t,” Yoongi sighs, those words releasing what feels like the weight of the entire world off his shoulders. “Y/N left and I can’t. I’m in love with her.” 
If there is a hell, he will burn in it for all of eternity for saying this to her. He can’t even look her in the eyes - but she can look at him. Slowly, she walks towards him, Yoongi looking at the skirt of her dress until she puts a hand on his cheek. Gently and slowly, she lifts his head up, making him look at her. There is a smile on her face but it is not one of sadness - it’s one of relief. 
“I know,” she whispers. “I know. And we can’t do this. We can’t do this. Not to us, not to her.” 
“I am so sorry,” Yoongi finds himself struggling to speak, choking up with emotions he didn’t even know he felt - guilt, worry, sadness and relief, all at once, at full force. “I am so sorry.” 
“You don’t have to be,” she shakes her head, suddenly chuckling but Yoongi sees the tears in her eyes. “I don’t want this either. I like you, I like you a lot but I don’t love you. And we are not meant for each other. Even if Y/N did not become a part of our lives, we still wouldn’t be meant for each other. And I know the two of you are in love. It hurts so much to watch it - but only because I want to see both of you happy. I want to be happy, too. It doesn’t hurt me because I envy her - it hurts me because I know we’re making a mistake.” 
“How did we let it get this far?” Yoongi asks, leaning his head into her hand as she slowly caresses the skin of his cheek. “How were we this stupid?” 
“We thought we were doing the right thing,” she tells him and she’s right - that’s the only reasonable explanation. “And we were both cowards, waiting for the other one to end it. But we can’t escape it anymore, we can’t be cowards. We need to end it - together.” 
“Are you sure of what you’re saying?” Yoongi asks, his heart going into overdrive as he realizes that his wildest dreams might become a reality - he might have a way of escaping his own personalized hell - not only that, but Sojung can escape hers, too. “Are we really going to do this? Are we really just… going to not have the wedding?” 
“I don’t want to marry you,” she chuckles. “No offence!” she adds quickly, realizing how that could sound to an innocent bystander - but to him, it was music to his ears. 
“None taken,” he laughed, the former feeling of the weight of the entire world falling off his shoulders happening again. Relief washes over him. “We’re ending this? Right here, right now?” 
“Hell yes,” she laughs, taking off the veil from her hair, looking happier than Yoongi ever remembers seeing her. She takes off the engagement ring, too - the one that they had picked together, as his proposal was nothing more than a conversation where they agreed to go through with what their parents want - there was nothing romantic about it, not that he is the type of person to get on one knee anyways. Smiling, Sojung presses the engagement ring into the palm of his hand. “Let’s cancel this - go out there, tell everyone it’s over and that they should enjoy the party. Then I’ll go get a massage and you go get your girl.” 
Not knowing what else to do, he pulls Sojung into a bear hug, the both of them laughing - in these past few minutes, they've had more fun than they’ve ever had together - all it took was to decide to cancel the damn wedding. Hand in hand, the engagement ring squeezed between them, they walk out of the room - Sojung’s sister, Hoseok and Taehyung are all in the hallway, with Taehyung looking like he’s about to drop dead out of shock. 
“Yeah, we’re cancelling the wedding,” Yoongi announces, smiling brightly. 
“YOU’RE WHAT?!” all three of them yell at the exact same time. 
“We’re cancelling the wedding,” Sojung laughs. “We don’t want this. We really don’t, we both have better things to do and we don’t want to trap ourselves in a loveless marriage. It might have worked for some but we’d rather not test the theory.” 
“Are you sure?” her sister asks, the calmest one out of the three of them - it’s obvious this was something Sojung talked to her about - Yoongi should have realized sooner that she didn’t want this any more than he did, and was silently begging him to end it. 
“Absolutely positive,” she smiles brightly at her. 
“If that’s what you want,” Hoseok shrugs. “It’s completely crazy but neither of you has ever been particularly sane, if I’m being honest.” 
“But what about the wedding?” Taehyung manages to stutter, his words reminding them of all the effort that both he and Y/N had put into making everything perfect - that’s the only part of this decision that bothers Yoongi, the only negative side to it. “What do you say to the people? What do we do with all the… How? How do we? Why? What?” 
“Oh, the ceremony is cancelled, not the party,” Sojung laughs - she seems to have a solution to everything. “You can all eat and have fun and dance and celebrate us being free. It’s all going to go according to plan, except the two of us won’t be here. Get drunk. Throw away the carrot cake. Have the best Christmas Eve party ever.” 
“You do know that you have an entire room of guests waiting for you to get married, right?” Taehyung asks, still wide-eyed and shocked.
“Yes,” Yoongi nods. “And Y/N is not there. That says a lot. So we will say it ourselves and people will either understand or they won’t. But we’re doing this.” 
“Let’s go,” Sojung pulls him by the hand before anyone can try to stop them - not that anyone would. Hoseok and Sojung’s sister have both given up and while Taehyung still looks like he’s about to faint, he does not move to stop them. 
They walk, almost run, opening the door that leads to the main hall - at once, all the heads turn towards them and Yoongi can practically see eyes widen as they realize that they are walking hand in hand - this is not how things are supposed to go. Some people stand up, others start whispering but he and Sojung ignore it all, walking to the wedding arch and standing beneath it - both of them are struggling to hide their smiles. 
“Everyone, there’s been a change of plans,” Sojung announces, letting go of his hand - Yoongi still keeps a hold on her engagement ring, placing it in the pocket of his suit. “We’re not getting married. Not now, not ever!” she has to raise her voice in order to be heard over the simulations gasps that fifty or so people have released. Yoongi very purposefully avoids looking at his parents - he knows he’ll get an earful about it later, but he doesn't care. And he also knows very well they will respect his decision. Eventually. 
“We don’t love each other,” Yoongi says, shrugging. “We’re great friends and that’s it. We don’t love each other and we don’t want to get married. So, we’re not gonna do it. We’re sorry that we’ve let it get this far and that you had to drive all the way here - you get to keep your presents and money envelopes - either return them, keep them or re-gift them. Stay, eat well, dance all night long and celebrate Sojung and myself - celebrate us individually. Us doing what we actually want and not what we think we’re supposed to do.” 
People are still talking, Yoongi’s mother even standing up and slowly approaching him - Sojung sees it too and turns to face him. “Go. Now. Go and get her.” 
Yoongi doesn’t have to be told twice. He kisses Sojung on the cheek, both of them laughing as he turns and rushes out of the room, breaking out into a run - Hoseok offers him a supportive hit on the shoulder as he runs out, hearing the sounds of Taehyung and Sojung reassuring everyone that yes, it’s really happening and no, it’s not a bad thing at all. He feels bad about leaving Sojung to deal with it but she has pushed him herself - she knows that he needs to get to Y/N and that he needs to do it as fast as possible. 
Sitting down in the driver’s seat of his car and starting it, driving away from the venue and from a life he was never supposed to live feels liberating - it’s the first good decision that Yoongi has made in a long time. A very long time, really. The last time he made a good choice was when he accepted Y/N’s help in that shop. 
He can only hope that he will have a second chance at making the right decisions with her. 
Tumblr media
You need to move. It’s something that’s been on your mind for a while - you have outgrown this apartment a long time ago and now, staring at the crack on the ceiling - not a particularly large or dangerous one but a crack nonetheless - you decide that that will be your next goal. 
Make a home for yourself. Maybe somewhere closer to the office - closer to Taehyung, too. But also not on one of the main streets - you don’t want the noise to disrupt the peace. 
Lying on the floor in your pajamas, staring at the crack in your living room ceiling and thinking about finding a new place is how you’re dealing with… everything. You don’t even know how to name it, or which moment to point out. It’s how you’re dealing with the wedding happening, and with you running away from it, as well as with the notion that you will eventually likely have to explain to several people why you had run away - and you do not want to think about those pending conversations. No, you don’t want to have those conversations at all. 
It’ll all go well, of that you’re sure of. You’ll just have to… apologize to Tae and step in to do him a big favor in the future. The rest can be postponed, hopefully. 
A knock on the door confuses you, shaking you away from the daze you’ve thrown yourself into - you quickly look at the clock, realizing that it’s no way it’s Taehyung - the ceremony must have finished by now but the party is still ongoing and he’d have to be there. You decide to ignore it, not wanting to deal with people right now but as the doorbell rings, you sigh, admitting that it might be important and begrudgingly make your way to the door. 
Opening it quickly, you are frozen in place as you face Yoongi - in his suit with perfect hair, groom Yoongi. Blinking rapidly, for a moment you wonder if you are hallucinating - but no, you are not, he is here and breathless, probably from running up the stairs all the way to your fifth floor apartment. He’s here - full groom. 
“What the fuck are you doing here?” you blurt out quickly. 
“The wedding is cancelled,” he tells you. 
“The wedding is WHAT?!” you yell at him. 
“Cancelled. Not happening. Called off.” 
“Oh no, it’s not!” you shake your head, now in a full blown panic. “No, it’s absolutely not! We are going back there right now!” you yell as you try to put on your sneakers but you are shaking, your whole body is shaking and you can barely figure out which sneaker goes on which foot. “We’re going back there right now and you are getting married!” 
“Y/N, what are you doing?” he asks and you laugh at the stupidity of his question. 
“Driving you back to the fucking venue,” you finally manage to put on your shoes, looking back to grab your coat, as well. “You’re going to get married and repay Sojung for this bullshit, I don’t care how.” 
“Y/N, stop,” he puts up his hands in the air and you give him a second - one second alone, one second to explain himself before you drag him by the arm and force him into your car. “Sojung wanted to cancel it too. We’ve reached that decision together.” 
‘Wait, what?” 
“We talked,” he sighs, looking a little dejected - whether it’s because the wedding is cancelled or because you’re asking too many questions, you can’t be sure. “We finally talked and were honest with each other. It was a mutual decision and she was as happy about it as I am. She texted me that she’s having fun at the dinner - everyone is, actually.” 
“Huh?” you can’t ask anything other than simple questions, still trying to wrap your mind around what he is telling you - it’s insane, it’s completely insane. 
“Y/N,” he laughs nervously. “We’re not getting married. Sojung and I dumped each other and told everyone to have fun and celebrate us not getting married. Everyone is okay - well, maybe not Taehyung, I think he almost had a heart attack.” 
“Oh god,” you realize the chaos he is in - the chaos he is in alone. “I need to go, I need to help him. He needs to make sure that everything is taken care of, that what can be refunded can get refunded, that-”
“Y/N!” Yoongi yells your name, shutting you up immediately. “He and Sojung are taking care of it. And according to Sojung, they’re having fun. Can you please stop panicking and let me finally tell you that I’m in love with you, now that I finally can?” 
“You’re what?” 
“In love with you,” he repeats himself. “Way more than I should be, probably. You… have taken permanent residence in my head - you’re all I think about, day and night. I’ve felt so much guilt about everything and being free of it now makes me realize how stupidly in love with you I am. And while I know you’ve felt something for me, while I know that we have chemistry, the wedding being cancelled doesn’t mean I expect anything of you. You can close the door in my face if that’s what you want to do. I’ll go and leave you be. But if you’re going to do that, you can only do it after hearing that I am in love with you.” 
And just like that, your head is no longer spinning, you are no longer shaking. You stare at him, the irony of him professing his feelings for you in his wedding suit, and you can tell that he is being honest. It’s so easy to see it with him - it’s easy to know that he means what he says and that if you tell him to walk away, he will do just that. 
“What… what do you expect me to say?” you manage to utter. 
“Anything,” he laughs nervously. “Tell me to leave, tell me you feel the same way for me too, tell me you’ll think about it - anything. Or even leave me hanging - after the shit I’ve put you through, it would serve me right.” 
“You didn’t put me through anything,” you shake your head. “I could have handed over the wedding to another planner - I’ve chosen to organize it and put myself through it. You made me organize a perfect wedding that’ll never happen,” you laugh, sounding distraught. 
“God, you really are a complete workaholic - that’s the point you want to focus on?” he asks, and while he sounds annoyed, he is smiling at you, a smile that tells you that it’s not half as annoying as it is endearing. Which is crazy, but it’s not like you’re entirely sane either. 
“I’m sorry, I’m wired like that,” you whine. “Seokjin even made you a carrot cake tier!” 
“And I’m sure someone from the 50something people there will enjoy it,” he laughs. 
“Now what do we do?” you ask him, cowardly throwing it over to him. “You and Sojung are over? And neither of you is unhappy about that.” 
“Y/N, both of us were silently begging the other to be the one to quit it,” he sighs, reaching for his pocket - your eyes widen when he pulls out the engagement ring that was on Sojung’s hand - the same hand that you have held earlier today. “I’ll exchange this into a nice pair of earrings for her or something. She still deserves to have it. But we’re good. She told me to come here. I told her that I’m in love with you and she knows. It’s all over.” 
“Except this?” you ask, sheepishly. 
“Except this,” he confirms. 
“And what do you want to do about that?” 
“Start over?” he suggests. “Not in a way that we pretend the last couple of weeks had never happened but… maybe go back to the Yoongi and Y/N that laughed in that coffee shop and texted all night while they should have been sleeping to be rested for all the meetings they had scheduled for tomorrow? If you want to?” 
If you want to. The funniest part is, you don’t know if you want to. 
Up until this exact moment, it was never an option for you. And even thinking about it was venturing into dangerous territory, so you’ve avoided it. Not once did you stop and think about this particular scenario because it… was impossible. Until today. 
If you want to. Do you want to? You don’t know and that’s the closest thing to the truth that you can come up with. What you do know, however, is that you don’t want this to stop. You do want him in your life - and maybe, possibly, try. 
Fuck it. You had the balls to approach him then, you’ll have the balls to risk it all now - before you can give yourself a chance to overthink and chicken out, you are grabbing him by the tie and pulling him closer to you. He stumbles into your apartment but seems to easily catch your drift because the moment he is standing stable, his lips are on yours. 
It’s like a firework had exploded - so much pent up emotion, from both your parts, finally surfacing, finally becoming real and able to be enjoyed. The kiss is a mix of relief, sadness and impatience - before you knew it, you were pushing the suit off his shoulders, in a rush to get him out of his clothes - he, on the other hand, was too preoccupied with his hands squeezing your ass as he all but slammed you into the hallway wall. 
“I take it that you don’t need time to consider my offer?” he chuckles, planting kisses down the side of your neck, laughing even more at your struggle to get out of your sneakers. 
“You haven’t offered me anything,” you point out, laser focused on removing his tie as quickly as possible. “You just showed up on my door and told me your wedding is cancelled and you’re in love with me. I didn’t hear an offer there at all.” 
“Y/N,” he gives you a warning glare. 
“Yoooongi,” you mock him, laughing as you start unbuttoning his shirt, not wanting to waste time and wanting to get your hands on him, acting like the two of you have a ticking time bomb above your head when in reality, you have all the time in the world. “Let’s just… fuck now and talk later, okay?”
“You don’t have to tell me twice,” he announces before biting your bottom lip, proceeding to make you let out a loud laugh when he lifts you up with ease,letting you hook your legs around him while he squeezes your ass. He does so with ease, which you find amusing, as you did not imagine Yoongi being particularly strong. Today, he’s full of surprises. 
“The door at the end of the hallway,” you mumble, preoccupied with kissing him - other than helping him navigate his way to your bedroom, you do not want to talk - words are useless and are a waste and the only thing you want to do now is feel. 
And feel you do. 
His skin, incredibly soft to touch and pale, save from the blush in his cheeks - his rough lips, rough from the cold and not in the way he kisses you - he kisses you like he means it, like he has wanted to do this all along, like the only thing he ever wants to do is just kiss you. 
As you run your hands through his hair, you smile at the softness - despite being bleached and colored at least twice since you’ve met him, it too is soft, just like every other part of him. Every other part of him except his cock. 
You feel every inch of his hardness when you grab it in a firm hold, first over the fabric of his pants and then directly, sneaking your hand inside to wrap your fist around it. Sounds that escape him with every move of your hand, especially as you circle around the tip - make you want to do more, move faster, finish him quicker or perhaps prolong his misery. From what your hand can feel, he has a beautiful cock, thick enough to make you swallow a lump in anticipation for what’s coming - and he is so hard, so hard for you and only you - it’s the reassurance you didn’t know you needed. 
You edge him, very unplanned and surprising both you and him as you bring him to the very brink of an orgasm only to stop moving your hand and focus on kissing him instead. You can sense his frustration but that only makes your satisfaction grow. If he doesn’t like it, he can flip you around and fuck you stupid if he wants - but unless he tells you to stop, you’ll edge the shit out of him. 
He doesn’t say anything, rolling with the punches but what he does is retaliate in his own way, sneaking his hand down your pajamas and moving your underwear to the side, exposing your entrance to his fingers. As you start moving your hand along his cock again, purposefully changing the strength of your squeeze, he follows your lead and teases you, circling his fingers along your entrance before moving them to barely graze your clit - it only lasts a second, before you could feel the pads of his fingers back on your wetness. He is definitely retaliating and you can tell, but apparently, you also have more self-control than he does. Without saying a word, you speed up the movements of your hand, making a point to reach and grab a hold of his balls, too - his own movements freeze and he groans loudly in your ear, nearly toppling down onto you. It takes a few moves of your hand against his hardness before he is close again and for the second time, you stop your movements. 
A groan of annoyance does leave him this time around but other than that, he shows no other signs of frustration. You kiss him, smiling innocently and enjoying what he sees as torture. In a way, it is, because he could make you scream his name if he were to press his fingers just a bit harder and rub just a little bit faster, but you enjoy the leisure pace that he has and even more than that, you enjoy the power you hold over him in this moment. 
Third time’s the charm, they say. Yoongi no longer hesitates and his fingers are sliding in and out of you at a changing pace - at times, he is fast and rough, acting as if you will squirt all over him at any moment (which you would have, if he didn’t change the pace), then slow and languid, enjoying the sounds that escape you - sounds of pleasure and not of frustration. 
His reactions are another story - this time, due to all the previous edging you put him through, he approaches the end faster and you are even more ruthless with your movements, dropping his cock completely merely seconds before he reaches his orgasm. This makes him lose it, dropping his body on top of yours, his hand still stuck between your legs as he groans loudly right against your ear. 
“Y/N,” he growls into your ear - that sound alone is enough to make you giggle. This is the only form of retaliation you’ll ever get a chance to have and you want to take advantage of that. Not that you really have anything to make him pay back for - you just enjoy seeing the physical proof of your power over him. How could you not? “If you continue like this, I’ll explode and cum all over the sheets.”
“I don’t see a problem with that,” you giggle. “Well, I do, it’d be a pain in the ass to wash the sheets. You getting to come inside me sounds like a better solution though, doesn’t it?” you tease him, laughing at the way he pulls back to give you a look - his eyes are as wide as saucers at your words. He’s completely crazy for you and it feels so good to know that it’s mutual - you’re not the only one who wants this, you’re not the only one that can’t see anything else but the one who is in front of you.  
“Are you clean?” he checks immediately. 
“Clean and on the pill,” you inform him with a cheeky grin. “What about you?” 
“I’m clean and have a thing for creampies, so I’m in heaven right now,” you both laugh as he struggles to take off your pajama bottoms - you struggle with removing what’s left of your clothes simply because you’re in a rush - in an insane rush to finally feel one another fully, completely, in every way possible. 
Not a moment too soon, he slides inside you, both of you groaning loudly in relief. He doesn’t waste time, nor does he savor the moment - he starts thrusting into you, strong. You are a mix of limbs, moans and grunts, incoherent even in the way you kiss, with your mouths simply brushing together, your tongues lazily tracing one another as the pace of his thrusts speeds up. Other than the sound of his moans and your headboard hitting the wall, you can’t focus on anything - and when he starts rubbing at your clit in time with his deep thrusts, you are a goner. 
He stretches you out so good and his fingers are magical - you have no choice but to repeatedly ask for more, cursing and moaning at the mix of sensations you are under. Your fingers move from the grip they had on his hair down to his naked back, where you dig them into his skin, hard, in response to a particularly harsh thrust that he had given you, his cock hitting the depths you didn’t even know existed. His fingers circle your clit faster, only pausing to pinch at it, and that’s when you kiss your sanity goodbye. Squeezing your walls around him, it’s your orgasm that rushes it to his own, hot spurts of cum filling you up as he shakes above you, moaning your name over and over again like his own personal prayer. 
You melt away into the softness of your bedding, still clutching to him for dear life, your brain running a thousand miles an hour, matching the speed of your heartbeat. His heartbeat matches yours too, as he is glued against you, his deep breaths tickling your ear before he starts leaving kisses along your neck. 
It’s Yoongi who moves first, and it’s to prove that he does have a thing for creampies - he moves down the bed and sits between your spread legs to shamelessly ogle at the way his cum drips out of you, reaching with his finger to rub the drops against your clit - overstimulated, you arch your back and moan in pleasure. Without an ounce of hesitation, Yoongi lies down with his face between your legs and proceeds to eat you out like no one had ever had done before. You are thrashing in a matter of minutes, pulling hard at his hair and coming on his face as he licks it all up, both his release and yours. 
“This was so fucking good, I can’t even think straight,” you admit in a sigh once he finally lets you go and lies down beside you. He doesn’t pull you in for a hug and while that would normally be a warning sign to you, you’re not worried now - not when he turns to you and looks at you like you are the only thing that matters. No one had ever looked at you like this. No one. And you’ve had plenty warm  your bed and treat you to multiple orgasms. 
“We fucked. Now it’s time to talk,” he reminds you of your earlier words, to which you laugh. 
“You really want to take me to that dinner, don’t you?” you ask, a little bit uncomfortable with the way he is pushing towards the conversation. You know it’s a conversation that you need to have and that you need to have it soon, but you wanted to enjoy the post sex lazy moment a little bit longer. Not with Yoongi, though. He wants his answer. 
“I really do,” he admits immediately, nuzzling his face into your pillow. “I want to date you. Fuck you every night, if you let me. Multiple times a night, if possible. Listen to hours upon hours of you complaining about every bridezilla you’ll ever have to deal with. I want to talk to you, learn more about you, share playlists with you, and cook for you. I just… really want to try being with you, Y/N. I want to finally do what I’ve wanted to do since I watched you drive away in the mall parking lot. To have a chance and do something with this.” 
His words warm your heart, you’d be a fool to deny it. And while you want every single thing listed, you’re well aware that the level of emotions that the both of you have reached does not really match the length of your… relationship. Technically, you’ve had one unofficial date and fucked once. That’s hardly a good foundation for knowing that you are in love with him. And that is the phrase - in love, not love. You can’t love him, not yet - you don’t know enough about him, and despite the unusual trajectory of your relationship, you would need more time to know it’s the real deal. But you are in love. You are and you’d be a fool to deny it. 
That doesn’t guarantee you a happily ever after, nor would it ever, but it does tell you that having him in the bed next to you is right. 
“None of that guarantees anything,” you remind him. “I want to try too, but we’re going to have to be realistic. Let’s take it slow. Just… start getting to know each other. Dates and… talking, lazy movie nights that end with mindblowing sex… As long as we don’t rush it and follow our own pace, a pace we both agree with, I really want to try, too.” 
“I am perfectly fine with that,” he smiles at you - it’s possibly the most genuine smile you’ve ever seen on him, the one that is hard to control and impossible to hide, no matter how hard one tries - the one that makes your face hurt because you are so genuinely happy, you couldn’t smile any wider even if you tried. “I have almost rushed into something I wasn’t ready for at all and it nearly cost me a chance to be with you,” he shakes his head, possibly at his own stupidity. You don’t blame him, though. You did before but you understand now and you doubt you’ll ever blame him for it again. “I don’t want to make a mistake again, especially not with you. I already made one too many and I don’t want to do it again.” 
“Yoongi?” you smile at him, no longer able to ignore the warmth that fills your heart. 
“What?” 
“I’m in love with you, too,” you are confident as you say it back. In love is safe. Love is… something that might come up along the line, if you’re lucky. But in love you are and he deserves to know that he’s not alone in that department.  “Just so you know… FYI.” 
He says nothing but he doesn’t really have to - the smile on his face says all that you need to hear and so does the way he grabs you by the waist and gently tugs you towards him, until you are lying on top of him and smiling down at him, feeling his cock harden against the skin of your thigh - the night is long from over. 
He knows it too, as he starts kissing you again, his hands caressing your cheeks as he does so. And this time too, he kisses you like it’s the only thing he ever wants to do. 
Tumblr media
“This cake is amazing,” Sojung comments with her mouth full of the fluffy goodness - she even tried the carrot cake one and even that one was amazing. “You did a great job.” 
“Well, even a shitty wedding needs a good cake,” Seokjin shrugs casually. 
“Hey!” Sojung snaps with her mouth still full, pausing to swallow her bite. “Don’t talk like that about my wedding that never happened! Everyone had fun and ate well - they even had an amazing cake. It’s the best wedding I’ve ever attended,” she jokes, smiling brightly. 
“Eh, it’s in my top five,” Seokjin laughs with her. “And the cake is pretty darn amazing, if I do say so myself. But you know how the saying goes - those who can’t wed, bake.” 
“Well, I can’t wed and I can’t bake,” Sojung laughs. “Basically, I’m screwed?” 
“Basically, yeah,” Seokjin smiles brightly at the way she laughs at her own joke. “You know, I do teach baking occasionally. In the off-wedding season. If you want to, I can… tutor you.” 
There is a brief pause, as both of them consider the possibilities his offer is bringing - in a way, both of them know that the offer isn’t necessarily limited to baking. Seokjin doesn’t have to confirm it - Sojung can see it in the way he smiles at her. And she smiles back. 
“You know, I think I’d like that,” she announces. “When does the workshop start?”
Tumblr media
taglist:   @moonchild1  sunshinerainbowsbts  iwishselena  sumzysworld  @shrimpmsg​
1K notes · View notes
violettelueur · 3 years
Text
— JUJUTSU KAISEN EPISODE ONE || RYOMEN SUKUNA
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
↳ featuring : itadori yuji + fushiguro megumi + gojo satoru + ryomen sukuna from jujutsu kaisen
↳ warnings : mentions of blood + mention of killing + mention of mass murder (word massacres is mentioned) + mention of death + swearing and EXTREME grammar issues
↳ form : story
↳ published : 07 february
↳ pronouns : she/her
↳ word count : 3.8k
↳ synopsis : within the jujutsu world, there were three famous clans to be aware of, the Kamo clan, Zenin clan and the Gojo clan. However, unknown to many sorcerers there was one last family that was known to be apart of the three, only for them to disappear after the golden era leading some to speculate that they had died in battle after the sealing of ryomen sukuna, but....
↳ next episode : for myself
↳ barista’s notes : to be honest with you guys, this little imagine here is such a mess and i had fun writing it since it have me an excuse to watch the first and a tiny bit of episodes one and two of jujutsu kaisen again ʕ→ᴥ← ʔ 
Tumblr media
BEFORE READING, I NEED YOU TO BE AWARE OF THIS:
1. all the ‘curse spells’ mentioned in this are related to Bleach (their use of Kido - credits go to: Tite Kubo) so these ain’t my original ideas since i started this at like 11pm on a saturday night. 
2. there is some dialogue missing since this is from your perspective as a reader and not Fushiguro’s or Itadori’s 
3. as you all know, the storyline isn’t mine, it belongs to Gege Akutami 
4. this whole thing might be confusing and please don’t expect a part two because i will do it when i am ready or feel like i can at the right time ʕ ᵒ ᴥ ᵒʔ 
5. i don’t know, if i am going to add this onto my masterlist since this was just for fun to be honest!
thank you so much for taking the time to read this and i hope you enjoy your free cup of classic black coffee (jujutsu kaisen) ʕ•ᴥ•ʔノ♡
Tumblr media
“L/N, are you going to come with us?”
Looking away from the window you were viewing out from, you paused sipping from your carton of orange juice before turning your head to quickly discover two female students looking at you with anticipation in their eyes only for you to look at them in some sort of confusion. 
“Come one, don’t tell me you didn’t hear about it? Coach Takagi and Itadori are competing!” one of the girls complained, obviously slightly annoyed at your oblivious nature to the news that was going around the school at this moment in time.
“Competing for?” you then questioned, as you stood straight from your leaning position causing the other female student to then rapidly answer by saying, “Coach is trying to requite Itadori for the nationals, so if he wins then itadori has to join the track club to compete!” 
‘Huh? What a drag’
“So do you wanna come to the track field with us to see who is going to win?” the two students asked again in a desperate tone, leading you to look at the window you were previously looking from to see the exact location that they had stated. “I’ll watch from here, it has a higher and wider view, so I would have a better look” you replied, before pointing at the track field that was on the other side of the glass causing the students to look out before nodding.
“We really want to see it up close, so we’ll see you tomorrow yeah?” the first female student asked, leading you to smile and nod at them before seeing them rapidly take off to the track field trying to make sure they arrived before the competition started.
Turning your smile back into a straight line, you turn back to the window that you were looking through before being interrupted while placing your drink’s straw between your lips letting the sweet but citrusy juice flow down your throat. Admiring the view, you decided to let your eyes roam free for a bit to see if there was anything interesting to observe before the supposed ‘competition’ started, which then led you to pause at the sight of the closed rugby field down below.
Coming out of the ground was a horrific creature with four arms before climbing up the pole revealing its large teeth leading you to stare at it with complete boredom as you then mentally took a quick note to exorcise it later when the school closed. However, what also came into your sights was a single male student down before staring at the same curse you were observing causing you to continue analysing the situation.
‘Can he see it? I don’t recall a student here having any curse energy’
From what you could tell, the student had black erratic hair with his hands in his pocket but from what you could see that other’s couldn’t, there was a faint but noticeable aura of curse energy surrounding his body generating a feeling of curiosity but nervousness within your stomach as you place your empty carton away from your lips. Suddenly, the male turned around leading you to have somewhat a clearer view of him, only to discover that he also had a pair of emerald eyes which then made you come to the conclusion that he wasn’t a student from the school. How could he? You could tell this ‘student’, and yourself was the same age meaning you would have at least seen him once or twice down the hallways and there was no new information about a student coming in, if there was, it would have been a buzz.
‘Don’t tell me one of the clans managed to find out about me?’ you anxious thought, leading you to take a short step back ensuring this sorcerer didn’t have a vivid view of you when you did of him. Hearing some cheering, you turned your head to the other side to find a small crowd forming with a metal ball being flung as two students ran out to measure the length between the dip of the sand from the coach indicating to you that the competition had started.
“14 metres!’ the one student shouted, leading to a round of applause from the audience spectating the event. However, from what your ears were managing to pick up, there were cheers for Itadori leading you to wonder if you could recall the classmate they were shouting for.
“Ah~ Itadori Yuji ha?” you rhetorically asked the air around you, not expecting an answer in return. Itadori Yuji was a first-year student like you were, member of the small occult research club with second years Sasaki and Iguchi when he could be in any athletic club if he wanted to. However, understandably you knew some people would rather do something than what their natural talents indicated. Once again, you saw the metal ball being thrown - this time from the pink-haired students - only for it to land that the corner of the football goal, yet what was the shocking thing was that the metal of the goal was bent leading you to look at the sight within widened eye - of course, you knew Itadori was fast and strong but not to the extent of what you had just witnessed.
“Wow, no wonder he was called ‘Tiger of the West Middle’,” you muttered under your breath before quickly reverting your eyes to find the sorcerer you were wary of. Surprisingly, he was now on the track field looking upon the competition mixing well with the other students like a little chameleon. Although, before you could continue to observe the student trying to see what his intentions were, Itadori suddenly ran past him with his large backpack on, only for the erratic-haired sorcerer’s eye to suddenly widen the second they crossed each other leading him to reach out for your classmate. However, there was only dust to be collected as Itadori was suddenly out of reach.
“Just what are you trying to gain, sorcerer? It’s already a drag that you’re here,” you quietly mumbled irritation before turning away from the window you were gazing from to collect your school bag from your classroom since you left it there to not have the burden of carrying it on your shoulder. However, what you didn’t notice was the same sorcerer peering up at the same window you were looking from with perplexity painted on his face.
‘Was someone watching me?’
                                              ꕥ
“Don’t tell me someone got a hold of that damn finger?” you angrily stated, as you suddenly felt an immense amount of pressure invade the school causing you to wonder if there was anyone within the school with you right now, as you began to increasingly worry about whoever got a hold of the special-grade object that you found a few nights before.
“I put a protective seal on it, who the hell broke it!?” you muttered, as you panicky ran up the stairs trying to follow the presence of the object you were desperately trying to get a hold of before forcibly pushing a door open leading it to smash against the wall as you continued to sprint across the halls.
As you quickly turned the corner, you saw a large curse blocking the path leading you to instinctively flow your curse energy flow to your hand to the tips of your finger as you began to confidently recite the spell you were about to cast after you had finished drawing the symbol with your curse energy in the air.
“Disintegrate, you black dog of Rondanini! Look upon yourself with the horror and then claw out your own throat! Binding Curse Spell number nine: Geki!” you chanted, leading to a thin light aqua aura of curse energy to surround the curse causing it to become completely paralysed. However, before you could cast another spell to destroy the curse, there was a sudden interruption causing you to look at the person in complete shock as they flew into the corridor from outside the window only for you to discover it was your own classmate.
“Itadori!” you screamed, only for him to grab what seemed like two people away from the curse as it was still immobilised from your spell leading you to turn to the side to find that it was both Sasaki and Iguchi in his arms causing your eye to further widen only for you to be then distracted by the curse being blown away to your direction leading you to use another spell to make sure you were caught in the process.
“Binding Curse Spell number eighty-one: Danku,” you hurriedly stated, leading to a large rectangular defensive wall to shield you away from the decapitated parts of the curse as well as the technique being used for it to explode the way it did. Unexpectedly, once the pathway was cleared you suddenly came eye to eye with the sorcerer you were peering down on the track field this afternoon causing a wave of uneasiness to consume your body. 
“Who are you?” he questioned leading to the two dogs beside him to growl at you showing their sharp canine that could easily pierce your skin if he commanded them to. Slowly, your hand moved to the hilt of your katana that was hanging horizontally on your back, before quickly coming to the conclusion that it wasn’t difficult to slice the two dogs down if you desired to.
“Shikigamis huh? I should just cut the user down before they could reach me, then they would disappear’
“Oh L/N? What are you doing here?” Itadori asked in shock, leading you and the sorcerer to look at him before the sorcerer suspiciously asked, “you know who she is?”.
“She’s a student at my school, she is in the higher class since she’s smarter than me,” Itadori explained, as he took the time to check on his two club members with a sincere look on his face to then discover that they were unconscious with Sasaki in a decent state with Iguchi in somewhat the same condition but with injuries to his face. Letting your shield gradually disappear, you slowly walked up to your senior as you crouched down to hover a hand over his face letting a flow of curse energy begin to heal his wounds.
“Itadori, how the hell did they get the finger?” you angrily questioned the boy while continuing to heal your upperclassman causing him to look at you in shock - due to your acknowledgement of the object - as he caught the cursed object that slipped out of Sasaki’s pocket once he picked her up in a bridal style. 
“How do you know about it?” the sorcerer then asked, only to be quickly silenced when you gave him a heated glare only for itadori to then explain that he was the one that picked it up for them since they wanted to sneak back into the school to unwrap the talisman for research for the occult club leading an irk to appear on your forehead. “Wasn’t there like a talisman paper placed on the door? You know like those like sheet of paper with Ancient Japanese writing painted on it?” you asked in a stern tone as you completed the healing process only for itadori to give you a questionable look.
“There was a hint of paper being there, but it seemed like it was ripped off,” itadori answered wearily, leading you to look up at him with enlarged eyes as you let out a breath of complete shock.
“WHAT DO YOU MEAN RIPPED OFF?” you screamed as you rushed to your feet before grabbing the collar of his classic yellow jumper. From what you could recall, there was no possible way for the seal to be completely ripped off by the hands of a normal person, not even a simple sorcerer could even go through the barrier you had placed on it leading you to turn to the sorcerer, who was looking at the argument that was occurring right in front of his face.
“Was it you? No, from what I can see, you ain’t even a high enough grade to even go through it...Ah shit,” you cursed as you let go of Itadori’s collar before beginning to try to think of all the possibilities that could have happened that led to this accident.
“So, is this it Fushiguro?” Itadori asked the sorcerer, completely ignoring you as you were in a state of shock and confusion on what was going on. “Yeah, that’s the special-grade curse object, Ryomen Sukuna’s finger,” the sorcerer confirmed with Itadori as he then quickly mentioned, “it’s a miracle that it didn’t get swallowed, thanks to L/N curse technique back there.”
‘Fushiguro huh? Not Zenin, that’s a relief’
“Why would anything eat it? Does it taste good?” Itadori asked in curiosity, leading you and Fushguro to look at the boy with a questionable look on both your faces.
“Don’t be stupid,” you and Fushiguro simultaneously stated causing both of you to look at each other in shock before you then explained, “you’d do it to gain stronger curse energy. It’s dangerous, so hand it over to Fushiguro, it’s best to have him keep hold of it since the seal I placed was broken.”
“Sure, sure,” Itadori casually said, as he outstretched his hand to pass the finger to Fushiguro. However, before the sorcerer could take the object away from Itadori’s gasp, a large hand began to reach down below the two people causing you to look up in fear before instinctively pushing the two boys away from the area it was trying to target.
“RUN!” you screamed, before the ceiling crashed down between both of you, leaving you completely alone and vulnerable as the dust invaded your sights. In a panic, you swiftly grabbed the hilt of your katana to release the blade from its casing revealing an all-black weapon your hands, but once the smoked clear you found Fushiguro trapped in the hands of the curse before being forcibly through to the concrete wall causing a few hints of blood escaping from his mouth, to which lead to the two dogs that were protecting Itadori as well as the two second-year to disappear.
‘Shadows? Don’t tell me…’
However, before you could even complete your sudden thought, there was a sudden flash of lights blinding you before the whole side of the school to be destroyed along with Fushiguro, who was thrown across. In a state of terror, you rushed outside before using your speed to jump up the height needed before stabbing back of the curse’s head with your katana before quickly retreating back, leaving it there as the curse screeched in pain while preparing another curse spell to use to finish off the monstrosity.
“Destructive Curse Spell number seventy-three: Soren Soka-” you screamed, but you were interrupted once you suddenly found Itadori aggressively punch the curse’s head leading Fushiguro, who was laying down on the ground with blood pouring down his face to angrily shout, “Itadori! Why can’t you understand to take those two and run?!”.
“You’re in big trouble yourself!” Itadori screamed back, before being swung around as he then suddenly was being dragged along the metal railings of the balcony before his body was then swung into the air.
“Only curses can exorcise other curses! You can’t beat it!” Fushiguro argued back, only for this attempt to fall on death’s ears as itadori continued to fight against the curse as he masterfully dodged its attacks before playing his own as he kicked its ruby eye.
“Besides, I have my own troublesome curse already!” Itadori declared, causing you to look at your classmate in complete annoyance since you didn’t have a single clue on what he was rabbling about. As of right now, all you were wondering was where the cursed finger was since the last time you had seen it was in Itdori’s possession. 
Suddenly, before you realised it, the mentioned cursed object had slipped out of Itadori’s grasp causing you to quickly stand up on your feet to jump across the cure to reach it. On the other hand, it seemed like the curse was blocking your way by how it used both its arms to capture Itadori leading to the student to jump as high as he could to catch the finger by the grip of his teeth.
“You idiot!” you screamed, as you tried to concentrate your curse energy to flow to your palms as your katana was still within the curse’s head. “Hand it over to me or you'll be eaten, too!” Fushiguro yelled in a panic as he finally got up on his feet to chase after the wanted object.
Slowly, you raised your right hand before using your index finger to use it as a guide to where to aim your next spell at the finger without damaging your schoolmate in the process. “Destructive Curse Spell number one: Sho,” you quickly chanted leading to a small amount of curse energy in a concentrated manner to shoot from the tip of your index finger, yet before it even had the chance to hit the finger away from Itadori’s teeth, he threw thing finger up in the air using the force of his head leading your curse spell to be a futile attempt.
“There is a way to save everyone! I just need some cursed energy right. Fushiguro, L/N?!” Itadori cried out, leading you to again attempt to shoot the cursed finger away from where you assumed Itadori wanted it to go, while Fushiguro looked upon the situation in complete fear of what was going to happen.
“Don’t..Don’t do it!” Fushiguro shouted in a hostile tone, only for Itadori to swallow the special-grade cursed object causing you and the other sorcerer to look at the scene in complete disbelief.
‘He’s going to die, that’s a deadly poison..but...there’s a one in a million chance’
Suddenly, the arms of the curse disintegrated into small particles of flesh before Itadori landed on his feet, only for the curse to attempt to attack the salmon-hair boy again, leading to being completely destroyed with a single wing of an arm to which caused your katana, which was stuck within the flesh of the curse, to fly into the air before landing with a loud ‘clunk’. 
Yet, that wasn’t your main concern.
Your feet were glued to the ground as you looked upon the sight right in front of you. Fushiguro was staring at the same scene with dread flooding his green eyes as Itadori was now covered with the black markings of what you both come to know from basic jujutsu knowledge.
‘Y/N dear, I’m so sorry for putting you through this, if Sukuna ever comes into this era, it is your duty as a sorcerer and the only offspring of the L/N clan to exorcise him, promise me that please?’
‘Why.....why did you have to die mother?’
“Ah, I knew it! The light feels best in the flesh,” ‘Itadori’ declared, as he then processed to rip his yellow hoodie in excitement before brisking his flesh to the moonlight that was shining right above him. “A cursed spirit’s flesh is so boring. Where are the people? The women?!” ‘Itadori’ questioned before jumping onto the railings as he continued his speech, “what a wonderful era to be in, women and children are crawling everywhere like maggots. Marvellous! It’ll be a massacre!”
Without the acknowledgement of who you deemed to be Sukuna and Fushiguro, you slowly raised your right hand with an open palm as you began to whisper another curse spell to make the exorcism a little easier for you, “Binding Curse Spell number sixty-three: Sajo Sabaku''. As you closed your palm, there was a sudden manifestation of a yellow electrified chain being created as it loosely surrounded the King of Curse before tightly securing its place around his body.
“Ah-” Sukuna said in surprise before taking a step back from the balcony to observe the yellow chains that encaptured him. “L/N!” Fushiguro shouted as he looked at you with widened eyes surprised at how you figured out how to retain him so fast.
‘At this rate, he should be somewhat easier to exorcise, Itadori has only one finger within his system, it’s going to be okay right?’
However, before you could even comprehend what to do next as your tactic you suddenly heard a change in tone of voice. “What do you think you’re doing with my body?”  Sukuna asked, only for you to realise that it was Itadori who was speaking at this moment in time, “give it back”.
“How are you able to move?” Sukuna questioned his vessel back, as he was in pure confusion on how the human still maintained some control of his body. “I mean, it’s my body,” itadori answered back, only causing you more confusion on what was going on since Sukuna’s markings were still visible to his body.
“Don’t move! You’re no longer human,” Fushiguro stated in a serious tone, as he crouched down before moving his hand in front of him as he processed to make fists. 
“Under Jujutsu regulations, Itadori Yuuji, I will exorcise you as a curse!” Fushiguro announced, causing you to look at him with surprise painted upon your face. However, since you were beginning to lose a certain amount of curse energy, your chains slowly began to disappear leading Itadori’s hands to now more freely while Fushiguro’s worries about you begin to increase.
“Wait, really. I‘m just fine!” Itadori stated in innocence, as he raised his now-free hands as if he was surrendering to the sorcerer while his markings began to fade gradually. “More importantly, you and I are both pretty beat up, let’s go to a hospital,” Itadori declared as he was worried for the male right in front of him. On the other hand, you suddenly realise that there were shadows slowly swirling around Fushiguro leading to your assumption earlier to be true.
‘Fushguro is a Zenin...I..have….to’
“What’s the situation?” 
All of a sudden, a new voice came into the area leading you to turn your head to the side to find a rather tall male standing next to Fushiguro. From a quick glance, you could immediately inform yourself that had spiky white hair with a black blindfold covering his eyes, as he carried a paper bag on his arm while wearing a similar outfit to Fushiguro meaning he was another sorcerer.
“Gojo-sensei?! Why are you here?” Fushiguro asked in surprise, as he turned to look at what you assumed to be his teacher leading to the shadows around him to immediately disappear from sight.
“Gojo…” you muttered under your breath as you looked at the two male sorcerers right in front of you in horror as you came to the realisation on the situation you were facing.
‘Mother…..I’ve been found…..’
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
© violettelueur 2021 : written and published by violettelueur - do not steal or repost
2K notes · View notes
the-winter-spider · 3 years
Text
Element Part 3
Pairings: Bucky x reader
Warnings: talk of possible suicide, depression, angst
Word count: 1.8k
A/N: This parts shorter than i would like but i wanted to get it up, i already started part 4 before i finished this one. Once again i didnt proof read, or edit i will do that eventually lol
I also do a lot of perspective jumps, its just the way i like to write, sorry
Part one Part two
It was coming up 3 weeks since the incident and you still had not woken up yet, it was worrisome because of how long your heart was stopped for but there was brain activity and Bruce kept assuring everyone this was a good sign and you would wake up soon, when your body was ready of course. Bucky felt like a shell of who he was or could have been with you if he had done things differently, god he wished he had done things differently. You were the first and only person besides Steve that made him not only feel at home but helped him find a way to be at peace with his past and the things he had done and yet he let you slip right through his finger tips. If he tried harder and didn't just give up and wallow in his own heartache when you were pulling away from him, and tried to get through to you, to let you know you weren’t alone and he was still there for you, instead of laying in that bathtub cold and alone you could have been laying in his arms safe and warm.
One of Bucky's favourite things about you was you didn't mind silence, you weren't scared of it, some people couldn’t stand the silence that trudged behind him, it made them feel uncomfortable, at least that's what Sam told him when he was explaining to Bucky why some of the agents left when he entered the room it wasn't because of who he used to be and what he had done in the past it was because the silence followed him and it was deafening but you didn't leave when he entered a room you gravitated towards him.
-
You and Bucky were laying out on a blanket just under the plum tree, it was your spot. Ever since you gifted it to him you spent a lot of your free time underneath it with him, you both enjoyed being outside especially after years and years of being kept locked away, you took advantage of it, and Bucky didn’t care where you spent time together as long as you were there he was always down. It was dark outside, the stars were shining so bright, the night sky was so clear.
You were laying side by side, Bucky's left arm resting under his head, his right arm laying by his side, resting on top of yours, his thumb lightly rubbing circles on your hand, it was silent both of you just enjoying each other's presence.
“y’know when hydra first kidnapped me, after all those years inside, being tested and experimented on I never thought I'd ever see the sky again” You spoke freely, knowing Bucky was the only person who could relate to you.
“They never let you leave?”
You rolled over laying on your side, using your arm to prop your head up, Bucky moved, copying your position. “No, not till they were sure they succeeded in this” you lifted up your hand growing vines between your fingers. “Its weird to think we were there at the same time at some point”
Bucky sat up “I don't know why I never realised that before” he spoke looking stunned.
Pushing yourself up, this time you copied how Bucky was sitting, you laughed “Don't worry, me either not till Tony brought it up” you reached out grabbing his hand, lacing your fingers “I just wish, that they knew you were there to, its not fair that you had to go through all that, when they were right there, if I would have known, I -“ You didn't even realise you were starting to tear up till Bucky cut you off, you felt both his hands, cold and warm on either side of your face.
“woah hey, hey, y/n look at me”
Your eyes met his blue ones “Im sorry, i, i got carried away there” you laughed “Full moon” you gestured to the night sky.
He gave you a small smile “Everything happens for a reason”
You placed your hand on top of his metal one that was resting on your cheek still “You cannot use my own saying to try and consol me” you giggled
“I can't? i didn't know that was a rule”
“Well it is now”
Before you knew it you were an inch apart, you could feel his warm breath on your face, your eyes met his and his ocean blue eyes were looking between yours and your lips, you felt his lips lightly touch yours, barely a graze before someone's voice broke you both out of this trance you were in.
“We have a mission, Tony needs both of you on it, Suit up”” Steve's voice came booming from just beside the plum tree.
You shot up “Yes Cap” you walked past Steve, not bothering to look at either of the men, it was dark but you're sure your cheeks were glowing such a bright red that they could see it.
Bucky watched you walk away, he grunted before getting up, making his way to Steve who had this stupid grin on his face, shoving him as he walked by “You’re a punk”
Steve tossed his head back with laughter before throwing his arm over his best friend’s shoulder “Jerk”
He almost never left your room, Steve had to force Bucky to eat, sleep and shower, he would make jokes about how bad he stunk and that should have woke you up, normally Bucky would laugh at a joke like that but this was you and this wasn’t a normal circumstance. Steve finally made Bucky go shower for the 3rd time since the incident, that's what everyone had been referring to what happened that night, because no one truly knew what you were thinking if it was an accident or if you meant for that to happen, so they were not jumping to conclusions but Bucky felt it was obvious. Bucky didn't say a word when Steve suggested that he should go have a shower and change his clothes for the week, Bucky just kept his eyes on you before he nodded “C-can you stay? So someone is here if she wakes up?” Bucky’s voice was quiet and hoarse, Stunned that his oldest friend said something “Of course Buck” Steve made his way to where Bucky was sitting, taking over the spot Bucky hesitantly gave up.
3 minutes went by and Steve already felt bored, he loved you, you were one of his best friends, you were family but just sitting here listening to the rhythmic beeping, watching your chest rise than fall, he felt like he could be doing more, he had no idea how Bucky sat here day in and day out but deep down he knew it was because his best friend was in love. Steve decided to ask FRIDAY to call Bruce to y/n room.
Bruce came around the corner looking panicked his eyes darted towards you, still laying in bed, his eyes moved to meet Steves, who was standing in the corner of the room looking at your monitor. “Why can't we give her something to wake her up again?”
“Because Steve it could shock her whole system and with her abilities, who knows what kind of chaos that would cause we -“
Tony cut Bruce off entering your room “We also don't know what state she would be in, better to let her do it on her own, if she will”
Steve signed knowing the answers already, everybody already asked that question but it was starting to get hard seeing both his best friends like this, you looked peaceful laying there but at the same time Steve could see sadness written all over your face just like he could see pain all over Bucky’s. He knew Bucky blamed himself for what happened even though he had no control over it.
“Now next time you call me to this room, at least give FRIDAY some context, you almost gave me a heart attack” Bruce muttered walking out
Tony turned to look at Steve “You made the doc mad, you should go apologize Cap”
Steve sighed following Tony out of your room.
You opened your eyes, everything was blurry. You had to blink a few times but it was hard because your eyes felt so dry, it was almost painful. You were finally able to see clearly your head was throbbing from the fluorescent light in the room, it was clear as day that you were in the medical wing of the compound. You felt weird, almost disappointed, you weren't even sure what you were trying to accomplish in the tub but you knew it wasn’t this, you knew the possibilities of you ever waking up again was slim once everything went black and you were okay with that but the small chance that you did you were hoping you’d just knock yourself out and wake up in the tub. But laying here you knew they found you, you wondered how, did Friday alert them? Did you not lock your door and Tony or Steve brought you food like they had been for weeks and they found you. You wondered who all saw you like that, a complete mess. You felt numb, emotionally checked out, you sat there staring at your hands, that were crossed on your lap, when you saw someone walk by your room before they did a double take, they started shouting and waving at someone to come over. You wondered how long you had been out for.
The glass door slid open, you could see 6 pairs of shoes, your eyes still glued on your hands and none of them the combat boots you had hoped to see. You didn't really feel anything, someone started to wave a hand in front of your face, you could taste salt, were you crying? Or was it just the bitterness you felt? You dragged your gaze to meet Steve’s, he looked sad, his brow furrowed and his mouth moving but you didn’t process anything he said you were both overwhelmed and underwhelmed at the same time, you opened your mouth to say something but nothing came out, the walls felt like they were closing in.
You scanned the room seeing who else was here, Bruce was standing at the end of your bed typing away at some screen, Tony to the right sitting at the foot of your bed, his mouth was moving to. Your thoughts were so loud you couldn’t hear anything they were saying, but when you heard heavy footsteps and a frantic voice, your eyes looked up to meet up panicked blue ones standing in the doorway, Bucky.
**
TAGS: @majo240820 @vicmc624 @jessyballet @jhiddles03 @mggpleasedontlookhere @smallangryandpink @lilxberry @thisisnotangel @hereforalongtime512 @austynparksandpizza @ajeff855 @thefandomplace
Please let me know if i missed your tag or if you wanna be tagged!
201 notes · View notes
Text
Not The Same (GeorgeNotFound)
summary : you put out a song, but it attracted the wrong type of crowd and caused too many misunderstandings.
trigger warnings : threats (including death and doxing), panic attacks, taking of meds. 
"you're THOSE type of fans, huh?" you read the comments on your newest song release.
and that was the start of your downfall.
-
you and your dad really enjoyed singing. at any opportunity you two got, you would be doing a duet.
whether that would be at at a close relative's wedding or your at home karaoke set up, you two knew how to entertain people.
though singing was your passion, you ended up being too busy with school and trying to graduate with a diploma to even think about singing again.
but you swore to make a career of your singing after high school. you just loved it too much.
but then, you didn't go to college for music, which pretty much shocked your parents and your friends since they knew your only passion in life was singing.
but you took a different direction. you still wanted to sing and you were trying your hardest to find a way to make that your career.
someday, anyway. but you needed to have a plan to fall back into in case anything goes wrong.
you were a realist, after all.
so off to college you went.
you spent long hours studying for tests after tests, sat through hours of lectures, did endless amounts of projects.
in the end, it was all worth the wait and fatigue. you graduated top of your class.
you went off to be an intern, clocked in more hours before you could fully go into the next phase of your life.
and after those long hours, you finally made the decision (with the support of your parents) to take a gap year.
but before anyone panics. your gap year was not all fun in games where you took to rest and lay in bed all day.
you took the gap year to see if the music industry fits you. to see if you even had the chance to succeed.
and if it did, you could finally have your dream job. but even if it didn't you were not going to be upset if you needed to fall back onto your backup plan.
in the duration of the gap year, you took voice lessons, and poetry classes for song writing.
and with whatever you have learnt, you took that into writing songs that you felt really relate to your life experiences.
so you spend at least a couple months writing multiple songs.
after almost 2 years, you finally came out with your first song. and it definitely got recognition. more than you thought you'd get, if you were being completely honest.
and that was what pushed you to sit your ass back on your desk to write more, and go into your makeshift studio and make the words into songs.
your parents were ecstatic to hear that you were finally doing the things you loved. and you knew you'd never get this far if it weren't for your family's support.
and so your music journey began.
it was going well for years. you were finally happy doing the one thing you enjoyed doing.
and you definitely think you were good at it. seeing and hearing the positive feedbacks from your family, friends and listeners. 
you felt good. 
but you lost that feeling when you came out with a new single, called ‘fan of you’. 
you spent a while working hard on that song and you felt relieved when it was finally released. it was like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. 
and you weren’t sure how one thing led to another, if you were being honest. at first, you received good feedback for your new songs. you even gained new listeners and your spotify rank rised. 
but then it didn’t anymore. 
your twitter flooded with mentions and your instagram full of tagged pictures and dms by accounts you’ve never heard of. 
but you noticed a similarity with all of the spam. a guy name george. georgenotfound for short.
you being you, you looked into it. and that was when all of the information hit you. and all you had to look up was your name on twitter, and there it was, the longest thread of tweets you have ever seen in your life. 
you took time to read it all, trying to make sure you didn’t miss anything crucial. 
there must be an understanding. you didn’t know this guy name george. you’ve seen his face on pinterest once a while when you scrolled, yes. but you never looked into him. 
this amazing person took their time to gather every bit of information there was about the scandal, which you were grateful for, or else you’d be scouring the internet for hours. 
to summarise what you read, there was this artist by the name of tia jade who came out with a song a few months prior to yours called ‘just a fan.’ 
it was a good song, some say, and you could agree. it was professionally written and produced. but many fans of george found out that the song was about him. 
not just about him, but about her falling in love with him, when she has never met him. and when his fans started to really listen and analyse the song, it got creepier. 
basically, the song was about a fan falling in love with a celebrity/content creator and that they want to know them beyond their persona online. 
but tia had apologised a little after the song came out, saying that she made that song based on a fan liking a content creator, and not about her falling for george. 
but when you read enough of the issue, it definitely did seem like she was making that song to tell her story about falling for george. but she obviously needed an excuse to cover it up. 
hence the apology. 
and then you read about how they analysed your song, too.
they compared your song to tia’s and found it to have similar stories. stories about how a normal girl is falling in love with the man by the name of george, who had millions of followers on all social medias. 
and if you admitted it to yourself, your song did seem to come out that way. especially if your mentality had been there. clearly your song could have been interpreted in many different ways. 
you scrolled to the very bottom of the thread where there was a video of the man himself, george. he was addressing the issue. 
“i don’t know how this happened twice. i thought once was weird enough, but.” he paused, focusing on building something on his screen. 
“having heard of a song being about me again now makes my skin crawl.” he finished. it was short but enough to make his fans understand where he was coming from. 
you scrolled further to see the replies of the thread. you wanted to know what were people saying about it. 
and you definitely regretted your decision to do that. 
threats everywhere. death threats, threats of beating you up, threats of doxing you. god the negative comments were drowned by the one’s that genuinely thought nothing wrong of your song. 
you called you mom. this was the time you needed her advice. you needed to be told what to do. you didn’t want to accidentally trigger people. 
you and her were on the phone for hours. she listened to you cried to her. she heard the painful sobs that came out of your mouth whenever you reminded yourself of what people were calling you on the internet. 
she heard you cry silently on call when you saw your address and phone number being leaked on twitter. 
but even through all of that, you joked around with your mom. “well, this was a hell of a way to be trending.” 
you did what she told you to do. get a new phone number, stay in a hotel for a couple days while you try to settle the raging crowd of georgenotfound fans down. 
in the span of a couple weeks, you got yourself a new number, a new house and a new car. you weren’t taking any chances. 
you told no one besides your mom of the new changes, just to be safe. 
and no, the threats did not cease. at all. these people did not have a life, constantly up in your dms, telling you to jump off a cliff or them hoping that a robber stabs you and leaves you dying. 
you took your time trying to figure out a way to talk to george. or a way to speak out about this. 
you didn’t want to write a half-assed notes app paragraph apologising when- first of all, you had nothing to apologise for and second, you had too much to say to fit it all in a notes app. 
lucky for you, you didn’t need to start your own channel or make a sit down video on your own. 
your recording label had brought up the idea of a documented series about you and how you became a singer about a year ago, and only started filming and posting the episodes a couple months prior on youtube. 
so you took the series to your advantage. you pitched in the idea to your manager, to which she agreed to immediately, knowing that it was best you talked about it now. 
this was how it played out on the perspective of viewers who watched that episode. 
“bless you.” your producer says after you paused your singing in the mic as you stopped to sneeze. 
you gave him a smile and a thumbs up from inside the booth. 
the camera cuts to another clip. 
the cameraman pans as they captured movers coming in and out of your old house, picking up your heavy furniture and boxes into large trucks to move into the new place.
 it cuts again. this time it shows you scrolling on your phone with a focused face while your manager types something vigorously on her computer. 
the camera tries to focus on your phone, and sees that you were on twitter, reading a lot of tweets under your name. 
you exited the app and slide it away, going into youtube next, reading the comments on your song ‘fan of you’. 
you scrolled far, clicking on some of the comments, trying to read the replies to certain comments you saw. 
the camera cuts into a black screen. which then cuts again into a new scene, where you sat on your new kitchen counter talking to your mother, who sat on the chair in front of you. 
your hair was up in a ponytail. a messy one. you were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie that seemed far too big on you, and your feet covered with fluffy socks.
you were nodding to whatever she was saying to you. it was clear your mind was elsewhere as your eyes were unfocused. 
the scene cuts again. 
you were seen on the couch, your legs were tucked into your arms and your head down, body shaking. it was obvious you were crying. 
you were alone, your mother no where to be seen. 
that was the first time the camera caught you crying. 
the scene cuts as you were going to get up from the couch. 
now, you were in the kitchen again, opening the refrigerator to take a water bottle, then walking to your room upstairs. 
the camera follows behind you slowly into your room. 
it hadn’t been the cleanest. there were a couple shirts on the floor, your bed undone, cups on your side table, your laptop open on your desk. 
you were seen opening a drawer, taking out a small white bottle. you unscrewed the bottle and took out 2 pills, popping them in your mouth, drinking water straight away after that to swallow. 
the scene cuts again. 
this time, you were seated on the couch in the studio, the atmosphere dark and quiet. 
your hair was more kept this time, being help up in a clip. 
you were wearing straight jeans and a slightly oversized sweatshirt. you looked more refreshed this time. but it was obvious you hadn’t slept in a while because of your eyes.
your eyes that usually held a lot of happiness and joy turned dull. 
“it’s been a while since i’ve spoken to a camera.” you offered a small smile. your song ‘just a fan’ was playing in the background of the clip. 
the scene cuts again. 
“when i released that song, i was genuinely proud of the work i had done.” you paused for a while. besides the song playing in the background, it was silent. 
“but i guess the joy didn’t last very long.” the scene cuts there. 
it transitioned to a collage of what people were saying about you. it showed clips of people talking about it on youtube. they even showed george talking about it. 
and it cuts again. 
it showed a different clip this time. a clip of your ex boyfriend and you at the beach on a picnic, that was taken by a close friend of yours. 
this was when you were still in college. 
it showed all the fun memories you two made while you were still together. 
it showed a video of him studying in the library, flipping through his papers and scrolling through his laptop. it was clear he was hard at work, not noticing you filming him. 
but then the scene cuts again. and the music turned somber. 
your ex boyfriend’s grave. 
it was the day you were visiting him. you sat down next to his stone, a blanket under you. 
you were just staring at his stone, not moving. 
and it cuts again. 
“he was one of the most driven person i have ever met.” you told the camera. 
“he knew when to be serious and when to have fun.” you looked down in your hands and played with your rings. 
“all he ever talked about was becoming a surgeon. he worked hard in his intern years and continued being passionate through his residency.” you spoke up. 
“people had only nice things to say about him. the only bad thing they would say about him is that he can be pretty uptight sometimes, especially when he was stressed about something.” you laughed a little. 
“i was a huge fan of him, even when we just saw each other in the hallways. he’s just amazing. i’ve always wanted to be just like him.”
“i wanted to write a song about him but i didn’t the song to be sad.” you said. 
“and that was when the song ‘fan of you’ was created. 
the scene cuts there and goes into another. 
you were in the recording booth again, this time, you were singing into the mic. 
the camera pans to your producer and manager dancing and bobbing their heads to the beat. 
the scene cuts, officially ending it with a black screen with ‘the end’ in a fancy white font. 
you busied yourself with writing new songs as your name got trended again on twitter. 
and george has never felt worse about himself ever in his entire life. 
-
he watched the episode as soon as dream sent it to him. 
“you’re an asshole, george.” dream sends to him, along with the link of the video on youtube. 
as the video ends, he decides to read the comments, wondering what it was like down there. 
it was the worse mistake he had ever made in a while. 
but he knew he deserved it. he did assumed it was about him, just like the last song made with a drawing of his glasses as their cover photo on spotify. 
this time, there was genuinely no reason to think that this song was about him, or anyone with a following whatsoever. he just believed what his chat told him. 
sure, there were some familiarity of the character in your song and him, but the world did have 7.6 billion people living on it. 
“so, here i am apologising.” george says to his camera, live. his tone was very sincere and apologetic. 
“this shouldn’t have gotten this far. they shouldn’t have gotten threats at all, let alone death threats. they shouldn’t have woken up to the world knowing where they live and what their phone number is.” 
“and if you’re watching. i sincerely apologise. i clearly was full of myself.” george finishes. ending the live with a small wave. 
and were you watching? hell yes. 
and that was the day the two of you followed each other on instagram. 
he used your songs as his intros of his live, (with your permission, of course.) you showed in your documentary that you were watching whenever he was live or watching his youtube videos. 
and that was the start to a beautiful relationship. 
you sat on the chair, going live. you waved as people started joining. it went from hundreds, to thousands in seconds. 
as you were talking and clicking on your keyboard and mouse, playing a game, you felt arms around your shoulders. 
you smiled, yet continued playing. 
“why are you live on my account?” he laughs. 
you disconnected the headphones so that he could hear what you were hearing. 
“george, you’re being replaced.” dream said on discord. 
george smiles, giving you a kiss on the top of your head. “that was well deserved.” 
121 notes · View notes
loooreleii · 2 years
Text
Twitter folks are talking about Dan dying next episode so here's my
List of reasons why Danaii Ratchapakdee will not die in Not Me ep. 11
His connection to Sean has not been addressed yet at all. If it'll serve no purpose, why establish it? Why put it in there if it doesn't have any payoff? It wouldn't make sense. They could've made Dan kill some random guy if it wasn't important, it wouldn't change Dan as a character or his individual story. But he shot Sean's dad specifically. In a way, his actions were a catalyst for what we're witnessing now, as it's Sean's starting point to fight back. This whole connection is pointless if Sean never finds out. So Dan needs to stay alive until he does.
Dan's character is largely about redemption, making up for wrong choices, a good person being caught up in an institution that made him do bad things. NM addresses systemic issues and pressures and their effects on the people living under or in this system. Dan's actions are a symptom of this system, he's not the cause of it, thus his individual death doesn't change anything and doesn't make up for his actions. The "a life for a life" approach seems morally too simplistic for Not Me and would make Dan's entire arc and the purpose of his character fall flat, imo.
Dan mentioned a police connection he has who can help them bring down Tawi. I think that's his purpose for the main story, to give them the decisive asset in making sure Tawi won't get away with it again. If he dies now, the gang loses this connection entirely.
What does anyone gain from Dan's death? Sean's dad will not be revived, the group loses a valuable asset, Yok is heartbroken. I can't see any way his death would progress the story at this point. Unless they want to make the group fall apart, and Yok quits bc his man was killed in action and he realises how dangerous all of what they're doing really is. But him getting non-fatally shot would probably be enough. (Also i literally just made this up in 0.2 secs and i already have like 3 reasons why this won't happen. The writers are def smarter than this.)
Kinda related to this: If we're being honest, Dan is too unimportant for his death to be impactful from a writing pov. Sure, the fans love the character and the ship, but he's a minor character, he had very little screen time, he's not emotionally relevant to our main characters (Black, White, Sean). They don't or barely know him. His death would hurt Yok, but he's a side character, too, and not extremely close to the main three either. If they want to get a strong emotional reaction from the viewers, I'd argue that the writers probably didn't anticipate Dan to be as popular as he is, so they likely wouldn't feel like his death would cause such a reaction. So they wouldn't kill him just for pain and drama or to bring back the ep 11 curse.
And lastly, when we look at it from the perspective of DanYok as a ship: they only just got together, and while we all know their romance is a whirlwind and they're in way too deep for how shortly they've known each other, it probably isn't fundamental enough yet to change the trajectory of Yok's character. Yok is still very focused on and committed to the mission. I think their relationship largely exists for the aforementioned connection Dan can offer them, and making Yok fall in love with him is the way in which he gets to join the group. How else would they get a cop in there??
35 notes · View notes
hannah-the-red-head · 3 years
Text
A Third Submission to the Imagines Society”
(League of villains meets an Autistic child with a quirk that is the definition of too good for this world and then some)
You were a tiny thing when Twice, Toga and Magne stumbled across you at the park, staring intently at what looked like your shoes with your back turned.
Magne summarized that you were most likely around 5 or 6 years old based on the kindergarten uniform you wore, the adorable hat hanging on your back while your (h/l), (h/s) (h/c) was out and about. Usually, the tree would lose interest after a while and go about their merry way.
But there was something about you that made them stay, Toga’s curiosity getting the best of her as she skipped over to where you were on your knees, she then peeked over a shoulder to see you staring in awe at butterfly that was softly moving it’s wings while resting on the petals of a blossom planted in the nearby garden.
It was one that she had never seen before, well at least in real life, but the sandy blonde remembered that she had once seen it on the internet somewhere.
It was a monarch butterfly, and last she or anyone else knew, the species were hanging by a thread and close to extinction over the last 56 years. She had admit that the pictures were close to nothing compared to the real thing as Toga watched with starry eyes at how the orange colors splashed with black and white glowed in the sunlight.
Magne herself, followed by Twice then decided to follow toga’s lead when she began to giggle like an actual schoolgirl instead of the blood obsessed vampire they knew and loved. The two peeking at the sight of both you and Toga being the surprising perches of a collection of what looked to be more Monarch butterflies that seemingly appeared out of no where.
And one of them was perched right on the tip of Toga’s nose.
Meanwhile, you had taken notice that you had a butterfly watching buddy the second you felt her crouched down next to you, your glowing (e/c) eyes staring at her with curiosity before deciding that she was interesting enough for you to deem her harmless, despite not knowing the truth.
Because in your young and innocent head, anyone that appreciated butterflies as much as you did was a good person and/or possible friend in your book.
She looked at you when she felt your eyes on her and gave you a big smile, which from what you learned meant that she was happy. So that meant that she likes you too. You smiled widely back and a series of bright rainbow colored balls of light lifted themselves off your little form, your quirk creating more butterflies from them while your new friend’s eyes sparkled.
Your quirk was called Wonder, the specialist who gave it that name having been inspired by the same emotion felt after witnessing you use your quirk at first hand to bring a rat back to life after it had been killed by a mousetrap, and later on when they returned back to the room to see that it had been filled with butterflies flying beautifully above them.
Nowadays, you mainly used your quirk to create butterflies.
Why?
Because butterflies made you happy, they made you calm, they took your worries away... and watching them was akin to what your therapist at the orphanage called stimming, your hand movements if you easily became overwhelmed resembling a butterfly flapping it’s delicate wings.
You were also fond of anything that felt like the texture closest to what you thought butterfly wings looked. However, this obsession was also the reason why your were ostracized by the other children, ignored completely by them at the worst despite how hard the workers at the orphanage tried to explain what your condition was.
You didn’t understand why the workers had the need to get the other kids to like you, if you wanted friends, you’d get some yourself on your own.
And you never understood why you had to take speech therapy, wasn’t writing in your notebook enough? You hated loud noises, they scared away things, things that are... nice.
Things like butterflies and rats and rabbits and deer, which meant that you couldn’t appreciate them anymore if they left.
So, why was there a need to make noise or let alone talk? You could never control how loud your voice was anyways. You didn’t care about how sometimes you overheard the caretakers at the orphanage whispered things about how alien you acted.
Which led to where you were now, little you having completely forgotten that you were separated from the other children heading back towards the orphanage after school had finished when you eyes spotted a flower that looked familiar until your quirk manifested the butterfly.
They sounded as if you were broken as a human.
When in reality you weren’t, you weren’t broken and needed to be fixed. At first it made you believe those words, but the moments where your eyes caught onto anything relating to those paper thin wings that radiated with the colors of the rainbow, you’re mind went to an alternate world where those who spoke about your strangeness were nonexistent.
It was then that you remembered seeing the same flower from the picture book at your school, the pink and green flora being the type of chosen roost for the orange, white and black insect to rest on if they got tired.
You never knew how much time passed when you felt your new friend’s presence near you until you turned around silently to see a schoolgirl older than your smiling peacefully at your creation, who then smiled at you.
Smiles meant something good, right?
Your quirk activated instinctually, your subconscious telling you to make your friend happy again by creating more things that made her happy, like how butterflies made you happy. You watched as the manifested insects flew over to the girl and rested on her shoulders, two nestled on the wild hair of her twin buns and one on her nose, the sensation of it’s delicate wings tickling her skin bringing a giggle out of her.
You copied her, giggling as well as you knew that laughing is what friends did. The exchange between you two led to a pair of others appearing behind your friend, the both of them watching in awe at how gentle you were.
Meanwhile in their perspective, Twice and big sis Magne were in awe.
This was a side of Toga that the pair had never seen before, so their interest in you grew steadily as they approached you both, seeing that the number of butterflies had grown the closer the became, the same orbs of light appearing to change into other species before the skies above the park had clouds of multicolored wings flying above like a piece of artwork created by nature.
It felt like a blessing to witness a sight like this, a much desired peace accomplished after so many months of being on the run from heroes and the police.
Twice jumped up and began to comically twirl about among the flocks of winged bugs, his splitting personalities having been silenced by the Nirvana he felt surrounding him, only stopping when he heard a few giggles left your mouth while you tried to keep up with him and Toga’s free styling dances without a care in the world.
The four of you not caring that you were getting strange looks and even scowls from those who crossed your paths in order to get a better look at the butterflies conjured by your beautiful quirk.
By the time the sun had set, you and your new friends had collapsed onto the grass, laughing in between breaths from all the fun you shared in those hours of innocent fun.
And you were the one to give that sense of childhood purity of fun back to them without realizing it. In your mind, you were happy that you had finally made friends by yourself as with a kick of your short legs you sat up and turned to the one closest to you, a tall woman with sunglasses and short hair the other two called “Big Sis Mag”.
You poked her cheek and she turned her face towards yours. Taking a deep breath, you decided to try something new that you hadn’t done or were comfortable with.
You: (Yy...yourrr n....nnamme!).... (Your Name)!
It was hard at first, being silent for most of your childhood being the reason as to why you sounded like a newborn attempting to say their first word. But the pride you felt as you pointed to yourself when you said your name clearly on the second try was amazing.
“Big Sis’” eyebrows shot up in surprise, and you understood why she was shocked as the only noises you made were giggles and squeals.
You: (Your name)!.... B-big sissy... Mmmmmag! Fr...friends! T-t-too...Toga! Fri..ends! Twi...Twice! Friends!
All three had unknown expressions present while you gave them a wide toothy grin that you had never given anyone except for your mama.
Twice: I think I’m gonna cry.... No, I’m not! Grow a pair!
Twice cartoonishly wept through his mask, tears that would only exist within an Animé pouring from the eyes of his black and grey mask before stopping almost immediately, his face changing to that of a stoic man drawn in comic books.
Toga just smiled at Twice, before a weak tug on her cardigan pulled her attentions to you, your arms held out wide and with an excited glow to you. You always remembered the warmth your mother’s hugs were growing up, how safe and loved you felt when your adorable self tackled her leg in a weak koala hug before she pulled you into her own arms.
Toga: Oh does (y/n)-chan want a hug?
You nodded and tackled the blonde, arms wrapped around her neck with you cheek pressed against hers, something your mother called “cuddle bumps” as you hated it when someone kissed you.
You: C-cu-cuddle bu-bumps!
Twice: I want cuddle bumps! No, I don’t that’s weird!
You nuzzled your cheek against hers, the teenage girl internally squealing and hugging you back as she was overcome with a sense of some maternal need to protect you and the light your little self emanated, both figuratively and literally as your quirk caused you to glow a warm pink color.
Toga playfully stuck out her tongue towards him, when an idea came to her.
—————
Shigaraki: And the most logical thing that you could ever think of in that moment.... was to bring this brat home?!
Toga’s cheeks puffed up as she hugged your little form from behind while you fiddled with your quirk, a manifested butterfly perched in the palm of your hand. You loved the feeling of your big sister’s soft cardigan as she hugged you.
Toga: Of course, Shiggy! I mean they’re an orphan left behind by those “caretakers”, we even waited to see if anyone would come looking.
Twice: Yeah, it was so nerve wracking! I was bored beyond belief....
Shigaraki let out an aggravated sigh, knowing that you had wormed your way into the hearts of the most in the league, Dabi being the first to cave when you used your quirk to soothe the pain in his burnt skin. He didn’t know why, but the fire quirk user’s eyes softened when you gazed up at his skin and your smile faded, a look of genuine worry that he possibly never experienced in some time as your tiny hand went up to hold his hand with the both of yours.
The rest of the already shocked league watching as an aura glowed from your small form, the glow then moving up your arms and finally covering Dabi in the glow before then pulling away into orbs that popped like soap bubbles filled with fireflies.
Dabi reacted in a way that not even he could describe as all the unbearable burning pain his scars brought him disappeared, a strange surge of.... calm washed over him.
It was the kind of calm that one would feel when a powerful storm dissipates, allowing the warm sun to bathe the earth once again. 
And it was the type of calm that brought a heavy exhale out of Dabi, almost as if he had finally learned to breathe, tears falling down his cheeks and startling him, a hand shooting up to touch his wet face and pulling it away to see what was falling from his eyes.
This... made the tears fall harder.
Dabi had long forgotten what it felt like to cry actual salt water tears instead of blood. A relieved upwards tilt pulled at his lips as he fell to his knees before you, no words exchanged, just glances and a gentle grip of your joined hands.
You: No pain?
Your concern overweighed your struggling speech, your free hand raising up to hover next to his cheek. He chuckled softly, allowing you to place your hands onto his face.
Dabi: No pain. All better.
Your quirk was befitting for such a gentle, caring and kind being as you.
To put it simply, you could restore a person’s injuries, negative outlook on life due to traumatic experiences, and even their lost sense of morality via through your touch, being in your presence, or even by witnessing your creations first hand.
This was your power, a quirk that purified the evil living within this cruel world.
You could literally restore a person or persons lost sense of morality, your quirk changing a sociopathic killer into a saint seeking redemption just by spending an hour with you. 
Your quirk also allowed you to heal any kind of wound or cure any illness, it could even replace missing limbs and the like as long as you kept your focus.
And it was meant to be protected.
Which is why you were taken into the protection of the league of villains, the only group of people who were the first to actually care for you after your mama’s passing, and didn’t speak badly of you or your condition.
Because they didn’t mind that you were autistic, they didn’t see you as broken or wrong. How did you know that they didn’t ostracize you?
They told you.
Twice: You, broken? Ha, that’s fresh! At least you don’t have more than one voice in your head...
Toga: My quirk needs me to drink the blood of the person i’m going to transform into in order for it to work, and because of that, I was pushed away by everyone for how creepy it made me look.
Magne: Anyone would be proud to call you their kid with a drop of a hat. So what if your special needs, it doesn’t make you any less human, sweetie.
Dabi didn’t say anything when you asked, in your broken speech, if you were broken. Instead, he just ruffled your hair and let you wear his jacket all day.
Compress: This world is filled with imperfections, but who is to say that imperfections are ugly and unwanted. To me, imperfections are where true beauty lies as it shows that despite their flaws, they try again and again to make themselves better.
Spinner: Kid, I am a walking talking lizard with pink hair and a desire to follow Stain’s path to create a society where only those who embody the traits of true heroes like All Might are allowed to become heroes.
You didn’t know how to react as he continued.
Spinner: If anything, you are the most normal out of all of us, so don’t go hating on yourself because you’re brain is wired differently. You’re perfect just the way you are.
Magne: Aww, that’s so sweet of you to say, Spinner!
Spinner: BIG SIS MAGNE?!?! HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?!
Toga: Enough to know that you give the best pep talks!~
437 notes · View notes
brazilianism · 3 years
Note
Momento r/trueoffmychest but sometimes I feel like there's no future in Brazil. I want to be a writer but there's like 2 Brazilian writers who are even slightly famous outside and I've heard that here we only get 10% of the book's profit, which is frankly absurd. I love this country and I love my city and I don't think I could ever call anywhere else home and I really want to go to college for free because I think I can and USP has been my dream university since I was in 6th grade but I have absolutely no perspective of future here. My family even has Portuguese citizenship in case thinks go south and we have to leave. And then I look at what the future looks like outside and I know I'll have to deal with sexism that'll be even worse because they see Brazilian women as whores and possibly xenophobia which is totally insane for me because I'm white but the moment I say something all everyone will hear is a heavy Latino accent that I actually don't want to lose and on top of that there will be the usual homophobia since I'm a lesbian and it'll be really tiring. To top that, the only places where I can be a successful writer seem to be USA and England and even though I absolutely hate USA it is still in America and I kinda dislike England even more (many cases of racism against Brazilians, heard it's hard for a Latino to get a job). And if I go to USA, I'll have to deal with low minimum wage and rent that is impossible to pay and the fear of guns and I'll probably will end up in New York as a writer and it may be a place I really wanna visit but it does seem like an awful place to live unless you're loaded and I also kinda don't want to ever be homeless but it seems like an obligatory experience if you live in USA. So I have to ask. How do you do it? How can a Brazilian who wants more find a place in the world? I'm white and my parents went to college and have enough money to send me to a private high school and this was supposed to make all the doors open for me but really? I can only see the closed ones. And I know I shouldn't complain because it would be 100000% harder if I was black and poor but honestly right now I'm kinda hopeless. If I could choose what country to be born in, I would always choose Brazil, but I feel like being a Brazilian keeps me from being someone.
Shit girl, I get you. It was one of my earliest dreams to be a writer, too. And this might not be super motivational, but I haven't made it, lol but like i'm 24 so no big deal about it either. I mean, I still write my stories every now and then, but being a writer does take a LOT of effort and energy and especially at the times when I hit depressive episodes it was hard to put in all that effort. Luckly for myself I've been granted a head that is happy doing lot's of different stuff, so I've changed paths without it taking a big toll on me and decided to go into the movie/tv bussiness. First I was about to try scriptwriting but I learned scriptwriting takes a fuckton of techinique to learn and I'm not good at it (yet). So i'm more into production and other media areas (and it might be a bitch but there's always social media work around even if it sucks). And I mean, the movie/tv bussiness is also shitty and has huge amounts of competition AND is better in countries I dislike too, but in my head it felt "safer" cause it offers "secondary" jobs that will always be there. But like, that was what I thought at 17. Now I know that every profession has these jobs, you know, not the "dream" jobs, but the decent jobs around the area. So first thing I'd do if I were you would be to do some research in related areas. Like, I don't know, working on magazines as an editor, or journalism, or text review, or even social media work in the writing area (plenty of blogs and SEO to adjust out there), or publicity writing (someone is always hired just to write slogans and texts for billbords, you know), or even scriptwriting as I tried. It's not that you HAVE to follow any of these, but knowing that you could fall back upon any of these professions or work them part time while trying to write your books might give you some peace of mind to give it a try. Second thing I would do is to do more research on brazilian writers, because there are plenty. Yeah, not all of them are Paulo Coelho, but you don't have to be to be able to make a reasonable living or even to keep writing as a part time profession. Find those authors, follow them on social media, ask questions!! Most love to answer when they have time. But what I won't tell you to do is to stop writing, cause if there's one thing I know is that the only way to get better at writing (and ergo have more chances of succeeding) is to keep writing. And look, i'm not telling you this is by any means an easy field, or a regular job, and it's 100% okay to give up if you prioritize these things in life (i'm serious, mental health and peace of mind come first and there's NOTHING wrong with picking a profession that allows for these if that's the case), but what I know about most people that have an undeniable passion for doing something creative and pick something else without being really sure about it is that they always regret it. Most keep getting sucked back to it or end up miserable because they really wanted to be doing something else. So if it's your only dream, you passion for life, girl, you're super young. Your parents can give you a small headstart for a few years (aka you don't have to worry about getting any job in any field just to get by for now). So give it a try. Search the field. Try to put something together. Worst case scenario, you still learned something. It'll land you somewhere. Might even be a good place :)
45 notes · View notes
Text
Humans are Space Orcs, “Exotic Lifeforms.”
Had some fun writing this one. Give you more of that alien perspective everyone likes so much, so I hope you like it 
“It has been a pleasure doing work with you as always.”
“Your end of the deal?”
“Already upheld…. Where do you even find these creatures. I can’t say we have ever seen anything like it.”
“We found these ones on a stroke of luck. We do not think they are native to the panet, though where they came from is still very much a mystery.”
“Then what a stroke of luck for us indeed, I can’t imagine having your job.”
“You should try sometime, the exotic lifeforms business is very lucrative. If it hadn’t been you, I would have sold it to a wealthy owner.”
“Why didn’t you?”
“Because, you paid more.” 
The Vitan turned ponderously on its five trunk-like legs and left through the open wall which spilled a beam of light through the room before going dark once more. 
The doors all around the circular room closed, the collector turned back to their work. The room itself was large and dark, shaped in that of a large black circle, the floors rising up with a steady curve into the ceiling than above. They stood at the center of this circle, and when commanded great projections of blue light appeared around the circle each disclosing a different image from a different one of the pens.
They turned their attention to the newest addition, watching the creature where it prowled back and forth around the perimeter of the yard.
Another beam of light cut through the room, though they did not turn to see who it might be.
The sound that followed was a sort of scuttling noise, slimy and wet against the open floor.
The Mandicar approached from behind and paused just to the right and behind their left side, a lead scientist by trade, she was one of the most important life forms on his staff.
They turned to address her.
Four thick stumpy tentacles undulated and wriggled, pulling her heavy body across the floor. The sacules on the side of her torso wobbled with her movement, and thousands of tiny breathing holes across her skin expanded and contracted with the movement of airflow. 
“What have you discovered?” They wondered, though-- nothing the tint of blue on the tips of her tentacles, the could see that she was very excited.
“A glorious discovery! Very exciting and like nothing we have ever seen before. Each creature better than the last. I have four new species to report about, and add to our collected knowledge on exoctic lifeforms.”
“Go on.”
“The names are decided Duopedus Secandi, Volantes Planita, and Magnum Turpis, Though the children have taken to calling the first a Duos because they cannot pronounce the proper scientific name. It is a very popular creature with our guests, very active. IT has even been seen to interact with some of the guests.”
“Tell me, what have you learned about this creature.”
She adjusted herself clearly excited to be giving a presentation. That is why they had hired her. While they were not particularly interested about the welfare and maintenance of these creatures, studies had shown that a happy creature that was well taken care of was more likely to live a long time, and therefore draw more of a profit. Not to mention that the sentient species tended to react best when there was someone around to boost enthusiasm, and he had to admit she was very good at that.
“Oh it's a lovely little creature, quite adorable really, the way it scampers around on its little feet.”
“Focus.”
“Oh, sorry.” The sacules at her sides flushed purple, “Well we know the basic so far. Obviously it is a bipedal carbon-based consumer lieform. Its primary needs are Oxygen and water. An analysis of its structures, including teeth, eyes and other notable features seem to suggest that it is an omnivorous predator. Early studies seem to suggest it has a relatively high IQ, maybe that of a small child though it does not seem capable of language, at least not that we understand. It’s range of speech are in extremely high pitches, and it barely seems to be able to hear us much less us hear it.”
“How very interesting.”
“Isn’t it! Anyway, I took the liberty of analysing it, so that we might better accommodate its needs. And so far what I have determined is,... well the creature is very cute, but it is a complete  biohazard risk.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean all of its byproducts are completely volatile and hazardous to health. We have tested and analysed some of it by products and determined it to have some sort of symbiotic relationship with bacteria that live in its innards. These bacteria help the creature digest in exchange for maintained life, but due to this many of these bacterial lifeforms are expelled and cause great hazard. This process begins in the mouth meaning if this creature were to bite, it could lead to a likely lethal infection.” “We will have to put barriers in front  of the enclosure than.”
“Precisely.”
“ Now  as to more health related topics. The creature is capable of consuming a very versatile diet though its resistance to infection is a little less than one might have hoped, so it’s food will need to be properly cleaned. The diet itself should contain a wide variety of complex structures as it cannot produce by itself some of the chemicals required to feed it. That should not be hard, I would suggest injecting supplements into the food we are already rationing to it. This should include meat as I have said before. As a consumer based lifeform it both requires and expends a great deal of energy. I imagine it will be one of the viewers favorites due to the increased activity level. Furthermore -- as related to my earlier discussion -- its pen should be cleaned weekly if not biweekly. A clean water source should be provided, one that has likely been sterilized as it seems the water on its native planet was not prone to bacterial interference.”
“Seems strangely needy for a creature that has a symbiotic relationship with bacteria.”
“A very specific kind of bacteria.”
“Alright then, what else do we know?”
“The creature is bipedal as you are aware, though its feet and skin are relatively soft. It will require sand in its enclosure for maximum comfort, not to mention that it will need a shaded place to rest in order to stay out of the direct rays of the sun. Its skin has no natural defences against UV light making me think that it is likely a creature meant for the shade, though I cannot be certain. That is merely a guess based on the very light color of its dermal layer.” 
They nodded, “That can definitely be arranged.”
“Now, analysis also demonstrates a high production of oil in the skin and the hair. We see this as some kind of over-production, so it might be best to add a second kind of water source for it to bathe itself. The skin is water-proof but also requires moisture, and I think that a slow running river through the habitat would be a nice touch for the creature. Since it does not have fur, and the body has to work to thermoregulate, I would suggest temperatures around 75-80 degrees with 45-55% humidity index. Furthermore analysis of the bone structure might suggest that the creature originally evolved from an animal that walked on all fours, for this reason the feet, the knees and the lower back are especially prone to issue. IT will need somewhere comfortable to lay down, likely in that same shaded area I mentioned before. Something with enough padding to support the spine and allow for the bones of its hips and shoulders not to become soar.”
They were working to type this up in a report and send it out to the lieforms who built the habitats.
“What else do we know?”
“Since the creature has an increased intelligence quotient, I would suggest stimulating the environment. Add in some kind of activities or puzzles for it to solve, so that it will not be bored, otherwise it could become destructive. OUr analysis suggests that it was likely supposed to be a social creature, so Maybe adding a ground level window for it to interact with guests. We can see if maybe we can tame the creature so that the keepers might be able to provide it with some socialization. I hesitate to do that though because it still is a wild animal.”
They shifted turning to look at the camera feed, where the Duos was still wandering the perimeter of its enclosure.
“I thought you said it was docile.”
“It was injured when we found it, which was a likely reason, but I have done some tests on its chemical structure, and it seems to me that the creature produces some kind of hormone that stimulates the aggression centers of its brain. If this creature were to get out of its cage and be in a bad mood, it has a bite force of 162 pounds per square inch which is capable of tearing flesh and even amputating small lims on some of our guests, not to mention that the claws on the tips of its fingers can break skin. There is also evidence that it can turn its saliva into a projectile, which means that it can spread its biohazard up to around 32 feet, though that is on the extreme end of the spectrum.”
“This creature is really than dangerous?””
She sighed loudly through her entire body, the sacks at her sides quivering with the movement, “You see, that is the difficult part to determine because…. I would have to say no. It is not as dangerous generally as most of the creatures we keep here, but it is just dangerous enough in a variety of ways that the aggregate makes it especially concerning. Take the fact that the creature is not venomous, but it's just enough of a biohazard to behave like it is. Its bite isn’t that strong and its teeth aren’t that sharp, but still enough to rip flesh. Its not as strong as some animals, but strong enough to know someone over and hurt them badly. It isn’t very fast, but faster than some. IT isn’t the smartest we have seen -- that goes to the Volontes Planita-- but it is smart enough that we have to be careful. It isn’t aggressive, but it has the potentiality to be.” She ran her tentacles over the ground, “I think what I am trying to say is that the creature isn’t particularly impressive in any one aspect, but its abilities are so diverse than it aggregates into something greater than the sum of its parts.”
They nodded in great interest, “Go on.”
“It can run, it can jump, it can bite, it can spit, it can throw, it can crawl, oh and it can climb, that is probably something important you are going to have to look out for. An analysis of its feet and hands suggest great dexterity of a four legged creature that once spent most of its timb climbing, and while this creature spends most of its time walking on land there are still structures in there that make it an excellent climber as it can grip very well with the hands and partially with the feet. The hands in particular are an important structure to keep an eye on as the creature has an amazing dexterity with them.”
“How so?”
“IF could probably perform complex medical procedures if we asked it to, not that that would really be possible.”
“Good, good. I will get this down to the workers immediately, and they will make an enclosure for it.”
“Ah…. but there is one more thing.”
“What is that?”
“It seems as if we are not the first one to have captured this creature?”
“What is that supposed to mean?” They demanded, turning around to look at the scientist with great interest and agitation.
“The body is not completely organic. The skeletal structure on its outer layer that we once thought of as some kind of exoskeleton is not organic.”
“Not organic!”
“No sir, it seems to be made out of titanium and steel. Not to mention that one of its legs has been replaced, along with one of its eyes.”
They stood there in shock not entirely sure what to think about that, “It survived without one of its limbs.”
“Yes whatever happened to this creature, one of the legs and the eyes was removed and replaced with analogues. As for the creature itself, it is very durable, and has overactive scar tissue meaning that it heals quickly and from extreme injuries. That is another reason that I express my concern to you as it seems this creature may not be taken down by normal means especially if some other life form has been tampering with it.”
“That is…. horrible .”
Another long sigh, “I know…. Its horrible what they did to it. I can’t believe someone would be so callous. How it must have suffered.”
“Well, get it moved into a new enclosure, and see that its needs are taken care of. I want to send some of my people back to see if we can learn anything about the species that has been tampering with it.”
“Of course.” 
She turned and headed towards the door.
They called after her and she turned, “Be careful, if that creature is half as dangerous as you say it is, we will want to be cautious.” ***
I was not going with them.
I sat at the center of my ‘pen’ arms crossed and looking at the open cage door at the other side of the enclosure.
These asshole bastards had put me in a fucking zoo,and now they expected me to cooperate for a measly piece of fruit. Despite popular opinion from my brothers I am not a fucking monkey and will not be bribed to go with out.
I had already done a preliminary examination of the enclosure. It was nothing to write home about  -- aside form the fact that I was it’s occupant which bothered me greatly, and made me feel some serious feelings for the lions at the zoo who must have been just as pissed off as I was.
The walls were too high and too smooth to climb, and at their top I could see a thousand eyes staring down at me. Now its not like there were a thousand people to look on, but some of these freaky aliens had like ten ees which greatly skewed the eye count.
They gestured with tentacles and limbs and and any other appendages towards me as I sat arms crossed glowering towards the door.
A part of me greatly wanted to flip all of them off or moon them or something, but just because I was being treated like a monkey didn’t mean I had to act like one.
I could see the handlers moving just outside the cages trying to coax me in by tossing in more fruit. In a way watching them struggle was kind of funny. Based on their behavior, I would wager to say they had no idea that I was sentient. If they ever found out this was going to ook really stupid for them.
Now if they have a plate of my mom’s Pumpkin Pie in there, than MAYBE that would work, number one because pie is great and number two because that would imply they were keeping my mother captive to make pies, which was something I could hardly stand for.
Let them do what they want.
I needed to find a way out because this was DEFINITELY not ok.
This is not how I was going to spend the rest of my days.
For sure.
I had to be smart about this. Sitting there in the sand I began to devise a plan. The important part obviously was not to let on about how intelligent I really was. Unfortunately a lot of that might already have been undone, but maybe if I acted enough like an animal, than it would lower their guard and they would make somes sort of mistake.
Remember, I still had the Iron eye armor on my side, and an advanced prosthetic leg. Not to mention a knife and two spearheads which had been concealed under my leaves, so I was not completely helpless.
Although, you know what, retract my earlier statement. Maybe acting like a monkey is exactly what I needed to do to get out of this place. Make myself look docile and harmless, lower security and get my ass out of here.
Man I wish I was smarter, for sure, but I guess flying by the seat of my pants was going to have to do.
I cracked my knuckles and then my neck.
Time to go back to my animal roots.
Yeah, laugh all you want but it is much easier to behave like an animal when you are actually behaving like an animal.  I couldn’t convince them i wasn't bipedal already, but I made sure to behave all the other ways like an animal, slowly and nervously approaching the opening, stepping half in and then backing out, quickly grabbing some fruit and then running off with it. Eating pieces of it messily and with both hands. Using my teeth as much as possible.
Yeah yeah, I felt pretty dumb, but this was my first idea so I might as well roll with it.
Once that piece of fruit was done, I wandered over and nervously crawled in on all fours testing the ground with my hands.
OF course I could already see the hatch way that was going to come slamming down as soon as I crawled inside. I may be an idiot but I am a sentient idiot, and just as I thought it would, as soon as I crawled in far enough, the door slammed shut. I made a big show of getting spooked and racing around the sindie of the cage jumping up against the walls until finally curling up piteously in a corner. All the while I am watching carefully how they contain me, and it seems as if their transfer method is pretty solid. I had more likelihood of breaking out in the pen.
I wait quietly in my corner as the box is moved, and suddenly the door slides open again. 
I do my best to look hesitant and scared as I poke my head out into the sun.
A waft of pleasantly warm air hits me.
Crawling out, I crawl out onto nice warm sand. A stream trickles past my feet not a few feet away, and just to my right a little shaded nest has been made up below a tall covering. There are branches and steel bars lined around the enclosure, meaning I guess they figured out that humans can climb. 
Overhead I can see a steel cage cutting off my escape from the top.
Or so they thought.
It was a pleasant little place all told, almost like a beachfront island paradise with the perfect temperature and humidity.
I crawled up over to the next and took a seat hidden behind the leaves.
Well fuck their beachfront property and comfortable captivity.
I would rather be a free man suffering than a well groomed pet in a cage.
I was going to escape.
871 notes · View notes
wecantseeyou · 3 years
Text
a word on color - how line of duty series 6 uses wardrobe color to frame narrative (pt 4)
Author’s note: this is the conclusion to my essay on wardrobe color and how it’s used to inform narrative in series 6 of line of duty. Previous parts can be found here: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3. This part covers episodes 5, 6, and 7. Heads up, my analysis of episode 7 is actually quite short because of my focus on Jo, but I have many, MANY thoughts on Kate’s second to last scene and the general wardrobe choices for Kate in this episode.
Thank you to everyone who has been willing to entertain my ramblings here. While I have a background in theatrical production, this kind of meta analysis was quite new for me. I was relieved to see (most) of this theory actualized in the finale. Now, this part is nearly 8k words, all four parts together clocked in at over 20k words and nearly 40 pages, single-spaced, so I’ve officially written a third dissertation (after the other two took me 10 months…). 
Regular warnings apply: I’m American and therefore may be missing certain cultural context. Spoilers abound, but I stick to Jo’s storyline for the most part, and don’t include my thoughts about the finale writ large (I may write an analysis of the series 6 storytelling separate from this, if there’s interest).
Read on below the cut.
EPISODE 5
Episode 5 opens with Lomax briefing Jo and Kate about connections between the armed robbery and Gail Vella's murder, showing them results for an industrial estate that matches the description given by one of the robbers. Jo is wearing the same outfit she ended episode 4 in, the orangish brown sweater and navy suit, while Kate is wearing a grey jacket over a white shirt, buttoned all the way up. A side note - this grey jacket does not fit in with the rest of the wardrobe Kate has been in all series, and from a meta perspective, this is because they have to conceal the firearm Kate is now carrying. Ryan watches from the other room, again in a call back to the way Jo was watching Kate in episode 3.  Kate tries to talk to Jo, but she's quickly brushed off, much to Kate's chagrin.
Tumblr media
Jo’s outfit, which we’ve seen her in numerous times, again demonstrates her pull between what’s right and pressure from the OCG. After all, Ryan has just threatened her twice. She knows that the investigation is heading in the right direction, which she both wants and is afraid of, and she is panicking. At the same time, she’s wary of letting Kate get too close lest she suspect something and acts on it, putting them both in danger.
Tumblr media
Kate’s outfit actually shows some of that forced distance Jo is causing. We’ve seen her wear a white shirt buttoned all the way to the top once before - when she spoiled the raid of MIT by AC-12. That outfit showed her pull between Jo and AC-12, and we’re seeing that here again. This time though, the grey jacket shows that she’s leaning AC-12.
Tumblr media
We see this in the next scene where Steve, in his grey suit with a white shirt and red tie, is directly paralleling his former partner’s wardrobe. Kate visits AC-12, and it's been revealed that she has permission to carry a concealed firearm because of the threat Ryan Pilkington poses. Now, call me crazy, but I believe we’re meant to understand he’s a threat to her at least in part because of her relationship to Jo, but I’m uncertain. When Ted asks for an update, Kate notes that Jo has become "cold and distant" toward her, and the team reveals Jo has been put under surveillance, which Kate isn't happy about. It's then revealed that Jo is related to Tommy Hunter (from series 1 and 2) through incest, which is of course horrifying, though we don’t know the full story of it quite yet.
Back at her apartment, Jo checks the laptop to find out the OCG won't let her go because of AC-12's continued investigation, which she promises to take care of. She’s surrounded by her blue flat, in her navy and orange outfit, her actions and heart still at conflict with one another. She’s distraught, and stuck.
Tumblr media
Later, Kate and Steve meet in an underground car park in their matching navy coats. Steve shares that Lakewell gave him information off the record, which is that Gail Vella had been looking into the death of Lawrence Christopher at the time of her death. He also tells Kate about his discovery that Hastings gave Steph Corbett the missing $50k of supposed bribe money (from series 5). The former partners match here because they are coming closer to being full partners again, working in tandem and trusting one another with information. They have been at odds this series, particularly when it comes to Jo, but they have remained on the same page in their disappointment in the gaffer and belief in finding justice for Gail Vella.
Tumblr media
Back at MIT, Kate is looking into the industrial parks that may hold an OCG workshop.  As she researches, she repeatedly looks over at Jo in her office and seems to have an idea. She then steps out of the office and calls Steve, though we don’t see the details of their conversation. Kate returns to the office and goes into Jo's office, telling her that they may have found the OCG workshop. She asks to brief the team immediately to avoid leaks, which Jo allows while glancing out at the bullpen. We can see once Kate leaves that she was looking at Ryan, who is watching her closely.
Tumblr media
We don't know it yet, but Kate has found a way to test Jo’s loyalty and her belief that Jo isn’t bent. She tells the team about 1 location, makes them hand up their phones (which pisses them all off), and Jo makes them all stay within the MIT offices just as Ryan is about to step out. As the briefing ends, Kate goes to Jo’s office once more and demands to speak with her, despite Jo’s rude and annoyed response.
Tumblr media
It’s later revealed that Kate then tells Jo there are 3 total locations to be looked at, but they’re starting with just one. Meanwhile, AC-12 surveillance teams are stationed at all three locations to see if people are tipped off and by who.
In these scenes, Kate is wearing a navy suit with a light blue shirt buttoned to the top, while Jo is wearing a grey suit with a grey turtleneck. For both women, the high necklines that fully encircle their throats indicates their discomfort and their desire to have a wall up for their own protection. We see Kate in all blue as she’s on a crusade to prove the truth - Jo isn’t bent, and this will reveal who is (as she suspects Ryan). Jo, meanwhile, is uncertain, and her monochrome grey outfit reflects that. Normally, this is the type of thing she would be expected to tip off to the OCG (as she did with Carl Banks), but Kate has cleverly made it so she can’t. She’s trying to push Kate away, but Kate keeps pushing herself right back in. She’s meant to be wary of Ryan, but she stopped him from an opportunity to send out a warning - and that’s before she knew there were three potential locations. All Jo knows is that she wants out from this lie and constant threat she’s lived under. She’s in all grey, not true blue but certainly not a warm tone, because she hasn’t decided what her next step is yet. Temporarily neutral.
Tumblr media
The initial raid is not a success, so Jo informs the team that they'll move on to the other locations instead, revealing that she and Kate did not give them all of the information. Lomax is pissed off, and directs that anger at Kate. From his perspective, the boss just told them she doesn’t trust him or the team and treated them all like a potential rat, and he chalks that up to the former AC-12 officer’s involvement. In an interesting parallel, Jo and Kate are wearing the same outfits under their body armor that we saw them in during the raid in the first episode - Jo in her black jacket and Kate in her green jacket. 
Tumblr media
During this raid, Ryan snuck out to call in the danger to the OCG from a burner phone, an act which was recorded by Chloe “the only real detective” Bishop. Steve, at the real OCG workshop, rushes in with his team which results in the deaths of two suspects. Jo and the MIT team arrive on the scene not long after, and Jo and Steve come to disagreement over jurisdiction, and she ultimately forces him to stand down using her rank (which we’ll see her flex once more later in the episode). I have to say, I have loved watching Jo and Steve come to blows in this series in part because Jo is so much better at it than he is. Steve truly has been Jo’s foil, contradicting her at every point. We see this even in their clothes in this scene. While Jo is wearing a grey turtleneck (typically in the AC-12 color palette), it is hidden under her black jacket, and Steve is wearing a blue shirt under his body armor. On the visual face, they appear to be working at opposite ends to one another, and in this moment they are.
Tumblr media
Back at AC-12, Kate debriefs the team on what happened and let's them in on the honey trap* (*not really) Kate set for Jo, which she didn't fall for (but Pilkington did).  The team is taken aback, and Hastings points out how risky a move that was. "As far as I'm concerned, that's proof she's not bent," Kate replies, stubborn to the end. Steve has a different interpretation - Jo assigned herself to the raid on the location with the workshop, and took control of the crime scene from him. "That doesn't fit with what I've witnessed firsthand. I needed to know one way or another."  Kate will not back down from her staunch belief that Jo is not bent, an unfortunate foreshadow to Jo’s eventual betrayal. Hastings sides with Steve, but Kate clearly still disagrees. However, Steve does believe Ryan should be removed from MIT, even as Hastings wants to keep him there. This raises their suspicions because Kate had originally talked the gaffer out of bringing Ryan in, but the reality of the matter is that Ted feels he’s on a ticking clock with his forced retirement, and wants to handle this fourth man situation before he goes. 
Tumblr media
Kate and Steve are again in coordinated outfits here, dressed head to toe in blue. We’ve seen this before, the former partners in clothes that parallel one another while seemingly at odds. Sadly, this is because they’re again both right about Jo. She is using her position (and even Kate’s trust) to manipulate the investigation, but that manipulation stems from fear for her own safety as she herself is being manipulated and doesn’t want to do what she’s done. She’s like a cat stuck in a box - bent and not bent.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
On the Hill, Kate gives the team the low down on the OCG warehouse and their next steps. Jo congratulates the team and tells them to get to work collecting forensic evidence while Pilkington sends laser eyes her way. This time it’s Kate wearing a turtleneck, this one in black under an olive suit jacket, while Jo wears a grey suit with a grey-green sweater and a blue shirt buttoned all the way to the top. Again, the high necks of these outfits demonstrate the discomfort and reservedness both women are feeling, but we also see a subtle connection with the green tints of their clothes. As usual, green represents the pull between two different compelling interests. For Kate, the pull between Jo and AC-12, for Jo the pull between Kate and the OCG. 
Tumblr media
Wearing these same outfits, Jo catches up with Kate outside of Hillside, where she confronts her about AC-12's knowledge of the raids. Kate tells her she tipped them off because they're making a lawful inquiry. "Look, I'm telling you the truth Jo, because I trust you with it." Jo takes advantage of Kate sharing the information with AC-12 and tells Kate to put in a transfer request, saying, "I wouldn't want to harm your career, Kate. It's best if you request a transfer." Kate is taken aback and asks "You've been distant with me for days. Is this personal?" Jo denies this, pulling rank the same way she did with Steve, "I'm your senior officer, I should be distant." Kate seems confused and concerned with her response of "But I thought we were friends. What's happening here?" And here we see Jo’s fear crack through her irritation, just for a moment, when she says, "So you can tell AC-12?" As much as Jo is pushing Kate away in order to get her out of the picture, she also has a real fear that Kate continuing to share information with Steve will get Jo killed. She’s playing up Kate’s betrayal to explain her anger, but she’s also hurt and she wants her to know that. Jo trusts Kate, even if she doesn’t trust her enough to tell her the truth on her own. Up until this point, Kate has worked with her and told her about AC-12’s work, even helping her get a leg up on Steve. Now Kate’s helping AC-12 get a leg up on her.
But Kate is nothing if not determined. "No, I wouldn't tell them personal stuff." Kate refuses to take the transfer, and Jo leaves in frustration and anxiety, leaving Kate confused yet again. 
Tumblr media
Back at Jo's flat, she's on the OCG laptop again. She tells the user she can handle AC-12, but they claim she can't because of Fleming. Jo tries to ask for more time to sort it, but time's up. "Get rid of her." Get rid of Kate, the last person Jo trusts, the one who just broke her trust.
And here is Jo’s betrayal. "As long as it's my last job." She looks devastated after she sends it, and she is. What she’s about to do is unforgivable. But scared and vulnerable people often do unforgivable things to save themselves. Jo just wants to be free, and she’s willing to pay a price for freedom. 
Tumblr media
Steve, in his iconic grey suit and navy tie, goes to visit Ian Banks in prison and learns that Ted is the one that disclosed John Corbett's identity that later got him killed. He later calls Kate to tell her the news. Matching Steve, Kate is in a navy shirt, but is wearing a black suit, only the second time we’ve seen her in this suit. The first was in episode 2, when she gave Jo the information about AC-12 and they later had dinner together. 
Kate heads back into Hillside after her conversation with Steve and runs into Jo in the hallway, who asks to meet with her outside of work to discuss their 'personal issues'. Jo specifically looks at officers further down the hall to confirm they're leaving before speaking to Kate. She also lowers her voice at her own mention of personal issues, adding an extra layer of privacy to an already empty hall. 
Tumblr media
Checking to make sure there alone is something that Jo and Kate have done frequently throughout this series. In the handhold scene, they break apart when officers step into the hall. They mention how it’s easier to talk outside of work during both of their dinner scenes. When Kate tells Jo about Ryan’s spying, she dismisses Chris first, and later in that conversation when Jo puts her hand on Kate’s arm, they pull apart when they hear officers approaching. 
Kate is surprised at Jo’s sudden change in behaviour from the past few days, but she agrees to meet with Jo after work. As Jo walks away, Kate clearly knows that something is up with her, but seems willing to find out what it is when they speak.
Tumblr media
What Kate is sadly unaware of is that Jo walks away to lock herself in the bathroom and have a breakdown, distraught at the machination she has set in motion against Kate. Her hand shakes as she locks the stall, she falls to the ground, she looks around desperately for salvation. Jo’s mask, one that she maintains so strictly, falls for just a moment (not dissimilar to her breakdown in her car after framing Farida). Thirty seconds in a toilet stall to breakdown, to think about the consequences of her actions, about what she’s done to Kate. But she takes a few deep breaths, wipes away her tears, and we watch as her mask slips back into place.
Tumblr media
Back at AC-12, Chloe “my back is worse than Steve’s from carrying this investigation” Bishop has uncovered more about the racist gang that attacked Lawrence Christopher, including the investigators, Buckells and the current Chief Constable. This was the story Gail Vella was looking into when she was murdered, and appears to be the reason for her death. Steve is wearing the same grey suit and navy tie as when he spoke with Kate, and while he’s grateful for Chloe for digging everything up, he’s also concerned that the young Black woman had to learn so many details about the lynching of a young Black man. [Note: to be incredibly clear, the death of Lawrence Christopher as described by the script was a lynching, and the narrative did not do enough to reckon with that fact for anything more than relevance to the global racial justice uprisings reborn in late May of 2020. More than willing to discuss this further if anyone cares for my thoughts.] As they discuss the case, Patty Carmichael walks in with gusto (and damn if that voice isn't an incredible acting choice). She’s taking over AC-12, and she’s cancelling the surveillance on Jo and Ryan.
Tumblr media
That night, Kate arrives at Frederico's to meet Jo, who calls her the moment she’s locked her car to ask to meet somewhere less public, for claims of privacy. Kate is immediately on alert, especially after her attempts to convince Jo to stick with the original plan. But after a small plea from Jo, she acquiesces, but not without caution. Kate immediately knows something is off - this is not how Jo interacts with her. Little do we know, Pilkington is skulking in Jo's backseat, coaching her actions.
Tumblr media
As an aside, this is also the only time we see them meeting out of work while they're both wearing casual clothes, not just the clothes they wore to the office. 
Tumblr media
Kate drives to the lorry park and calls Steve, because she's both an idiot and a genius. He’s wearing the same suit as before, grey with a navy tie. She learns that surveillance was pulled on Jo and Ryan, and explains Jo's odd behaviour, forwarding him the address. Unfortunately, their conversation is cut short by Carmichael, which immediately sets Kate on high alert and she ends the call. Just as Kate is about to leave, Jo pulls into the lot, and the tension escalates.
Tumblr media
Steve receives the address and immediately informs Hastings and Chloe, ordering the team to get a unit ready. The team starts to rush out and Carmichael asks for calm, which Ted isn't gonna do when one of his people is in danger. AC-12 isn’t about to let Kate down.
At the lorry park, a distraught Jo gets out of her car and approaches Kate’s car. Kate tries to convince Jo to go somewhere else, but all Jo can say is that she's sorry. Kate is confused, but that goes away pretty quickly once an armed bent bastard steps out of Jo's car. He gloats to Kate, saying "Jo wanted to give you a way out. Should've put in for that transfer." Kate tries to convince Ryan to put the gun down, that the authorities will find him, but it doesn't work. Which is when Kate makes a gamble - she tells Ryan about the surveillance on him and Jo. Ryan tries to blame Jo for their situation, but she acts none the wiser (even though Kate told her about Ryan’s surveillance in the previous episode).
Tumblr media
"Why would she come here otherwise?"
Sure, Jo is playing down her relationship with Kate for Ryan’s sake, but it isn’t quite that simple. Jo doesn't want to believe Kate had any faith in her. She wants to believe she was pretending, because she has no faith in herself. Her reaction does provide enough of a distraction for Kate to be able to pull her own weapon, and the most tense standoff ever begins...
One of the most key color choices of any outfits so far on the show are the clothes Jo and Kate wear to the lorry park where Jo sets up Kate to be killed by Ryan. Jo is wearing her grey coat, a blue sweatshirt, and a red top. Kate is wearing a blue coat, and a blue striped sweater with a band of red in the middle. These two outfits are ultimately the thesis statement between these two women. Jo is wearing red as her last layer, the one closest to her, but is surrounded by cool tones through her sweatshirt and coat. Meanwhile, Kate’s sweater has a stripes of red and orange surrounded by shades of blue. 
But it doesn’t matter that Kate is being visually connected to Jo, because Jo is about to be responsible for her death via Ryan ‘the bent bastard’ Pilkington.
EPISODE 6
Nevermind though, no death for our beloved Kate!
Tumblr media
Now, I’m going to take the next parts of the episode slightly out of order in order to tackle Kate and Jo together before their ultimate confrontation with Steve and AC-12. First, a run down of the AC-12 crew: Hastings is in full uniform, which represents his ultimate faith in the system, despite the bad actors and groups that try to destroy it. Carmichael is wearing a grey coat, aligning her with anti-corruption, but it’s piped along the edges with red, which shows how she’s opposed to AC-12 (though not necessarily corrupt). Steve is in his classic blue on blue on blue under his body armor, which shows his dedication to justice and also his faith in Kate. Carmichael confronts him directly about Kate’s whereabouts, which he fastidiously denies having any knowledge of, but unfortunately Hastings is forced to admit that Kate was permitted to carry a concealed firearm for safety. Steve doesn’t trust Carmichael, and this is shown back at the office when he tracks what Patty C is up to, mobilizing Hastings when she’s on the move.
Tumblr media
At first glance, Kate and Jo’s red and blue outfits read as a visual metaphor for AC-12 closing in on their location, but I posit that these outfits are also indicative of Kate's belief in Jo, despite her anger that Jo has just set up her death. It’s clear at this point that their simple flirty banter from the beginning of the season has evolved into a deeper connection, which is part of what makes Jo’s betrayal so painful - Kate has been on her side the whole time. Jo just didn’t know it. [note: wrote this before the finale so guess who has egg on her face now…]
Tumblr media
After a time jump (of nearly two hours, based on someone else’s analysis of time stamps and radio calls), Kate and Jo arrive at Steve's apartment. Jo asks if Steve can be trusted, and Kate leaves no doubt. Jo also asks why the surveillance got pulled, and Kate informs her about the chief and Carmichael. Jo denies having any part of it, but Kate isn't sure if she can believe her given the whole, you know, attempted murder thing. In a desperate bid to prove her loyalty to Kate, Jo asks for her gun, intentionally putting her prints on the murder weapon. Again, their coordinating outfits are the outward manifestation of their connection. Kate, while still angry, seems to accept what Jo is offering to her, but is clearly trying to maintain distance in the moment.
Tumblr media
Jo then tries to see if things between them were real, but Kate refuses to entertain the conversation. What Jo is completely unaware of at this point is the lengths to which Kate has gone to prove that Jo isn't bent, up to and including risking a crucial raid on the OCG workshop. To Kate, it's a question that doesn't need to be asked, [the egg on my face remains] but Kate is also in disbelief that Jo would question her feelings when she's the one who was nearly killed by Jo. It’s an inappropriate time to have this discussion, and Kate lets that be known. They find Steve's personal car, a slate grey Mazda because this show is nothing if not subtle with its vehicular choices - even their personal vehicles tie in to their allegiance with AC-12’s mission.
Tumblr media
Driving in Steve's car, Jo asks again if Kate was pretending with Jo, and Kate diverts the conversation away from herself. Was Jo lying to her when she hired Kate because she was ex-anti-corruption? No, she was hoping Kate, with her anti-corruption background, would stop her. Would save her, really. They discuss Jo's ongoing work for the OCG, and Jo's fear that she'll be killed if she turns, just like Tommy. She insists that she's not bent and Kate implores her to prove it.
Tumblr media
Kate is pissed [for the non-Americans, she’s very angry, not drunk…] in this scene, as she should be. She believed in Jo, she still believes in Jo, but she betrayed her in a major way. And now, when Kate is sticking her neck out for Jo again, she's still too scared to reveal what she knows. Jo does reveal that Tommy was her uncle, and that her father was a bent cop, which of course doesn’t align with what Kate knows. At Kate's further insistence, Jo directs them toward Gail Vella's house, and finally to the old print shop the OCG had used in the past that is across from Terry Boyle’s flat.
Tumblr media
Kate and Jo arrive at the print shop, and Jo is finally about to reveal the truth to Kate. This act, coupled with putting her prints on the gun, earns Jo back a little bit of the trust she lost, and this is shown when the two women share the same shot. Most of the scenes between Jo and Kate have been over the shoulder shots where one woman is the primary focus, and this scene pivots to end with both of them together as the focus. This change happens in time with Kate dropping some of her much-deserved hostility toward the other woman.
Tumblr media
But before they can step out of the car, flashing lights and sirens appear behind them - they've been found. The fact that they've been tracked shocks Kate, but she spends no time dwelling as she throws the car into drive and speeds away. AC-12 AFOs have set up an intercept point, which Kate ignores in a truly badass handbrake turn, no matter if it makes any sense that they could have possibly known the route Kate would take in order to set up a kind of road block.
Handbrake turn or no, the Mazda has been intercepted and Kate and Jo are stuck. Kate is still confused that they've been found, but Jo knows the jig is up and tells Kate she's going to say she forced her to drive. It isn't until Jo tells her they have no other choice that Kate gets out of the car. Once out, Jo puts her hands up, but Kate refuses. Just then, AC-12 arrives with Carmichael, and Kate is in shock. "Jesus Christ, Steve's in on it" - cut to Jo's panicked face. This is the man Kate said they could trust, and now he's after them too.
Tumblr media
What follows is a very tense standoff between the two fleeing detectives and AC-12. Jo surrenders, but Kate refuses. First Carmichael tries, then Hastings (at which point Kate tells Jo she learned some shady stuff about him), and then finally Steve walks up to them. Jo begs Kate to surrender repeatedly, but the DI believes she’s onto her second major betrayal of the night and she isn’t willing to give in that easily. She thought she could trust Jo, and she nearly killed her, and to her mind she trusted Steve and he turned her over to Carmichael.
Kate is prepared to tear him a new asshole, but he swears up and down that he has no idea how they got tracked, he wouldn't do that to her. Once he promises to get the two women into safety, Kate surrenders. As he walks them in, Kate shared Ryan's confession of murder and Jo's clue about the print shop. To the end, Kate believes in justice and will pursue it.
Tumblr media
We then see a disillusioned Kate in her all grey Fruit of the Loom being walked into her jail cell. She sits down on the plastic mattress, looking at a total loss.
Tumblr media
Later that night, Steve and Hastings are discussing the events of the previous few hours. Steve is in a grey suit with a blue shirt and tie, same as he had been wearing during the chase. The gaffer questions why Steve didn't tell him about Kate, and Steve claims it was to prevent putting him in a difficult position with Patty C, who walks in with the same question. Apparently, the former partners have keys to each other's houses and vehicles, in case of emergency. Carmichael taking Steve's phone would've read to Kate as an emergency. Steve refuses to back down, and she appears to drop it for the moment.
Tumblr media
Now, onto Jo’s interrogation. A lot happens in this thirty minute scene, but to boil down to the important points: Jo is wearing her best Fruit of the Loom, stripping her of her identity and any affiliations she has. The lighting in this scene is cold and sterile, completely cool in tone. Steve sits with Carmichael and Hastings on the other side of the table, dressed in a navy suit, white shirt, and red tie.
Tumblr media
Something very important to note in this scene is Jo’s reliance on Steve. He speaks with her gently, acknowledges her pain, and encourages her to be truthful even when it is clearly very difficult. She takes Kate’s trust in him at face value and decides to trust him too. His outfit actually reflects this truth. He’s wearing the same red and blue that Kate and Jo wore while they were on the run - blue surrounds the red. As much as Jo is trusting Steve here because of Kate, Steve is being kind to Jo here for the same reason. His partner and friend does the right thing nearly always - if she was willing to go to these lengths to defend Jo, he owes it to her to learn the truth. Nothing exemplifies this more than when the conversation turns to Pilkington’s death.
Tumblr media
Jo refuses to answer at first and actually waits for AC-12 to show its hand first. She notices that Steve hesitates when Carmichael instructs him to talk about the evidence regarding Kate's gun, and she realizes this is her in, this is how she can prove herself to Kate once and for all. It's only after this that she claims to have shot Pilkington and completely shifts the blame from Kate to herself. This catches both Steve and Hastings up, and they react in obvious shock, which changes how Hastings treats her through the rest of the interview and cements Steve’s belief in Kate’s trust. Afterwards, she looks to Steve, who nods. He understands what she just did for Kate, and Jo is relieved to see his comprehension. The questioning continues, and Jo only admits to what she can take direct responsibility for, but nothing that involves the larger network.
Tumblr media
Once Carmichael and Hastings leave, she quickly turns to Steve and says a desperate "I'm so sorry." Sorry for hiding evidence in Operation Lighthouse. Sorry for framing Farida. Sorry for what she’s done to Kate.
Tumblr media
And Steve, gentle when he can be, gives her a kind "Yeah, me too," in reply. I’m sorry you were groomed into the OCG. I’m sorry you were scared for your life. I’m sorry you hurt Kate, too.
Tumblr media
Patty C goes to talk to Kate, and lets her know she won't be charged for Ryan's murder - Jo will be. Kate has a look of relief on her face as she processes the information. But Patty C notes Jo isn't firearms trained, and Kate is. She's telling Kate she knows what really happened, and she's letting it slide. This time. Kate is well aware that Carmichael isn’t stupid - she knows Jo was lying and is only letting Kate get away with it because it better serves her interests. Kate is free, and she sighs with relief and the knowledge of what Jo did.
Steve, still in the same outfit from the interview, and Kate, in a navy pea coat and yellow sweater, meet in an underground car park. once she's been released. A quick note on Kate’s coat: I’d love to say there’s a deeper meaning for the shift in her coat, but I genuinely think it’s just because filming was originally in the spring, then was moved to the fall and continued until November, so it was simply colder. The cut and color of the coat are generally the same, despite the style changing.
Tumblr media
Steve offers to lend an ear about the shooting, and then Kate asks about Jo's interview. Steve tells her they didn't get enough information out of her, and Kate tells him that Jo told her that her dad was an officer. "She's scared, Steve. After what happened to Tommy, Dot, Lakewell, nevermind John Corbett". Kate’s anger seems to have dissipated at least a little at this point, because here she is, defending Jo by explaining why she wasn’t forthcoming with a lot of information. This is most obvious through her yellow sweater - still affiliated with Jo, even through everything else. Steve lets her know that Jo is in a secure cell with extra monitoring, which seems to appease her. Kate then informs him she's been made SIO at MIT, and will guarantee cooperation with AC-12. Lomax calls Kate, and the two partners are back working together.
Tumblr media
Kate and Steve meet Lomax at the OCG workshop, where he goes over the forensic findings so far as MIT’s resident plot reciter. Kate tells him they need to look further, and orders him to dig up the floor, ruining the poor man’s plans for the evening.
Chloe calls Steve with an update on Thurwell. Then we get a weird scene of darkvision Spanish police apprehending Thurwell. Truly hate it. He's dead. It's a deadend. Clever writing, Jed.
Tumblr media
The episode ends with Jo in her navy blue jumper being put into her cell at Brentiss. Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee, Lindsay Denton’s besties, walk up threateningly before Jo is led into her cell and the door is shut. I do love the shot here of Jo through the door, caught in a small tight space that’s almost closing in on her.
Tumblr media
EPISODE 7
Before I fully jump into Episode 7, please be aware that I am doing a textual analysis. I’m not going to go into the fourth man reveal and its logic or even greater meaning (particularly because I’m looking at this show from a different political context as an American), and I’m not going to speculate on things not seen, at least in this analysis, because the focus is on wardrobe. You can trust I have many thoughts, particularly around race and the writing around female characters, some of which I’ve included but most of which I did not. It took me 9 full days to write everything for this one episode, and was shockingly exhausting. Forgive me if it doesn’t live up to my other ramblings.
Tumblr media
We’ll jump right into things. I'm gay but Steve looks so good here in his AC-12 uniform. Anyways, Steve is watching Hastings' old interview with Carmichael about Ian Banks. His concern about Hastings is clear. He’s in pursuit of justice, even if justice puts him up against the gaffer.
Tumblr media
Later, Steve and Kate discuss the gaffer and his suspicious behaviour, and he informs her that Ted is slated for retirement. Steve wants to let it go, but Kate refuses. She asks if Steph Corbett knows anything more, and suggests she may be blackmailing Hastings, but Steve is dismissive of it. This causes Kate to raise an eyebrow - oh god Steve's done it again. Steve pleads "It's not like that, mate, it's different," and Kate has never looked more disbelieving and annoyed. She responds, "She's a person of interest,” and their conversation is cut short when Chris calls Kate with an update. Steve is still in his navy suit, and Kate in her yellow sweater. The lack of coordination in these clothes show Kate isn’t quite on the same page as Steve yet, but they’re getting there.
Lomax tells them there was a case found in the floor of the workshop, much like the one holding Gail Vella's computers at the abandoned print shop that Jo led them to. No comment on the OCG’s evidence techniques.
Tumblr media
Steve, who kept skipping his occupational health warnings, is in therapy. I didn't cover the OH stuff throughout this analysis since it didn't relate to Jo, but this manages to tie in later so here it is now. It ends in him agreeing to temporarily give up his firearms license. I'm not going to discuss the rest of the meeting, given that Steve seemed to kick his pill addiction and reliance on alcohol and pain relievers to deal with his back pretty damn quickly and it's a storyline of entirely no relevance except as something Ted holds over Steve in a moment of manipulation later. Steve also admits this to Hastings before Occupational Health can tell him. This entire storyline is frustrating. Moving on!
Tumblr media
Kate is watching Jo's AC-12 interview at her desk on the Hill, specifically rewinding to parts concerning who Jo believed her father was. She pauses it on a frame of Jo’s face, the terror clear. Kate is dressed in a black suit and a light blue shirt, back on the side of AC-12 and in pursuit of justice, not only with regard to the OCG, but for Gail Vella and Jo.
Tumblr media
Steph calls Steve again, and he ignores it, because he's being a bit of a dick. Then he steps out of his car and has a back spasm. This only comes up so Kate can ask about it later and show that Steve, wearing a blue jacket, listened to what she said about getting close to a person of interest. Would truly love to know why Steve parks by an underpass by a river for this scene, but needs must, I guess.
Tumblr media
Back at Hillside, another Lomax briefing! Because Chris, Chloe, and sometimes Kate are truly the only people who do any detecting in the entire series!!! Anyways, Chris tells Steve and Kate about the contents of the box under the floor of the workshop. Conveniently, it held four murder weapons (can Jed Mercurio spell deus ex machina?) and neatly tied a bow on Corbett, Bindra, and Vella's deaths, and in a nice series 1 throwback, Jackie Laverty's murder! Kate is wearing a grey turtleneck which coordinates beautifully with Steve’s grey suit, blue tie, and blue shirt. This shows that they’re back on the same page and on the same team, despite their ups and downs this series.
Tumblr media
Kate and Steve return to AC-12, where Kate in her new navy pea coat shares that the proceedings against Terry Boyle will be stopped. Except, to my knowledge, Jo already handled that...? They literally made a point of it in her interview. Anyway, Chloe, like Chris, did all the detective work and tells them that the IP of the OCG laptop is in the UK, not Spain as previously believed. Amanda from forensics, the only other person who does any real work, interrupts with a message that shows Jo is about to be targeted. Definitely is spelled wrong. I give up. They feel the need to spell out what JD and BP mean, but spend 3 episodes never explaining what a CHIS is. Sure. Chloe is tasked with finding the fourth man via spelling.
Tumblr media
Also I'm truly not being funny by why is Kate on the investigation board in AC-12. Like. What. Was she a suspect? She’s not with the other victims!
Tumblr media
A very forlorn Jo in her blue Brentiss jumpsuit is sitting in her prison cell before being collected for transport to Hillside. Jo is very aware that something must be wrong because she’s a damn fine detective. She's mad suspicious as they head out to the van, and lo and behold, Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum are on the transport team.
Tumblr media
En route to Brentiss, they learn that Lomax and Kate's signatures were forged on the production order for Jo. Meanwhile, Jo is too smart for her own good, and questions the guard during the transport about the requesting officer. Tweedle Dee plays dumb.
Tumblr media
And then… nothing happens. They intercepted the van in advance, removed Jo, and planted Steve and Kate on the van. Because Steve is such a great choice what with his being an UNARMED OFFICER AT THE TIME. They arrest everyone.  Steve ends up with a gun. Ok.
Tumblr media
In an interrogation room, Kate and Steve explain what happened to Jo. Hastings looks on. Kate tells Jo she can apply to witness protection, and that all of her notes will show that she was under coercion from others, giving her a shot at the life she never had, but only if she reveals who the top man is, aka her father. Jo begins to cry, and Steve reminds her those OCG men were sent to kill her - this man doesn't care for her. Jo begins to tell them that she had no reason to believe Tommy was lying to her, all while speaking only to Kate. Steve encourages her further, telling her she's not bent. Kate asks her one last time for the name, and we see Jo resolve to say something before the scene cuts. Heaven forbid we show something happening instead of faking built suspense.
Tumblr media
Now, I need to pause here for a small moment of rage. Kate should have been the one who got the call back line by telling Jo she's not bent. Not for any romantic reason, but because their little run from the police stunt was done at least in part under the auspices that Jo could prove to Kate that she wasn't bent. In fact, Kate pleads with Jo to do so. It's just frustrating, and gives Steve an emotional beat he hasn't truly earned with Jo, or at least hasn’t earned as much as Kate.
Tumblr media
And Jo gives them a name! They search a prison cell, and find nothing. It's really built up to seem like it's Fairbank, who is revealed to be a confused old dude. Why Jo thought she was communicating with him this entire time is simply never addressed. Whatever. They ask about the murders and cover ups, and he offers nothing. Kate asks about Jo, and after some more pushing, Fairbank implicitly agrees that he and Tommy Hunter convinced Jo he was her father.  Hastings is pissed, but Chloe calls to save the day (again).
Chloe "I should be Chief Constable" Bishop brings the team up to speed on the text search for incorrect spellings of the word definitely. Which they've apparently managed to do in a matter of hours, even on handwritten reports from 17 years prior! Because Jed has definitely never needed to do a text analysis by hand before. They then proceed to NEVER NAME THE SUSPECT. FOR 1 MINUTE AND 10 SECONDS.
Tumblr media
Oh but don't worry, because this is the perfect opportunity for our realigned partners to confront Hastings about the bribe money and his conversations with Ian Banks. Can't reveal who the fourth man is when the head of the investigation is also a bent cop, silly audience. And it's revealed that Ted leaked Corbett as a UCO because of Corbett's role in the attack on Hastings' wife. But it's okay because he's sorry about it!
To be hella clear: Hastings, an anti-corruption officer who prides himself on following the letter of the law, took actions he knew would result in the death of John Corbett and Kate later forgives him for it. Jo was under threat of death from the OCG and tried to get rid of Kate via transfer and then led her to an empty lorry park to be killed while she thought Ryan was under surveillance that could likely intervene, and we in no way see Kate react to that experience in this episode. Cool!
Tumblr media
Finally, we get the interview with the fourth man, which is revealed 8 minutes and 32 seconds after the characters themselves learn the information. For some reason unknown to God or man, Kate is there despite not being involved in Buckells' case since she works for MIT, not AC-12. Frankly, not gonna delve into it. Kate is wearing a sweater we've yet to see her in, a blue crew neck that is frankly more feminine than anything we've seen this series so far, and moreso matches what she's worn in previous series. It’s unsettling. Steve is in his classic AC-12 uniform.
Tumblr media
Just a quick q for the kids at home - if Buckells only ever communicated with people via a secure browser on burner devices, how in the hell did he get a laptop in prison? Also, why did he not break himself out of prison by having someone else plant evidence of some kind, especially since he supposedly had a lot to blackmail Jo with?
Tumblr media
At what I can only assume is their local, Steve and Kate congratulate themselves on doing nothing beyond sit in interview rooms to catch Buckells. Kate might go back to AC-12 - even though she left because of the gaffer's actions which turned out to be WAY WORSE THAN SHE PREVIOUSLY BELIEVED? Sure, Jed. They have a chat about what's been happening with Steve and his painkiller addiction. Kate implies he should drive up to Liverpool to see Steph, which he doesn't think is a good idea. But don't worry, they've got each other, mate. Platonic soulmates forever (no romantic underscoring in this analysis).
Tumblr media
And then, with no previous discussion in the script or even telegraphing by the camera, Kate is in therapy. Which is great, because she truly needs it, girl has been through a lot. She mentions her ex, and Josh who is apparently her reason for living but she's texted about him once and mentioned him offhand to Jo to tell her he'd be with her ex, and then her great friend and partner, Steve (which is true, but the romantic framing is gross and out of character).
Tumblr media
Not being funny, Kate is wearing a truly horrendous mauve top here, over a white shirt. We've never seen her in a color like this, it doesn't fit in with the rest of the color palette in her wardrobe, up to and including all of the orange and brown she wore at MIT. It's honestly frumpy, and in no way aligns with the characterization shown to us through her wardrobe in the rest of the series. The last time we do see her in an outfit like that is during the interview with Jo. Jo left and took Kate's excellent sense of style with her.
Tumblr media
Kate and Steve meet with Patty to discuss Darren Hunter's involvement in the murder of Lawrence Christopher, and discuss how there's more corrupt officers to be uncovered. Patty C isn't gonna do anything about that tho. Hastings strolls up to chat with Patty C, and we learn that Buckells will get immunity. The trio are about to leave when Ted storms back into her office to confess to his actions leading to John Corbett's death. He gets one more speech about carrying the fire and bad apples in policing before they all leave.
Tumblr media
For the final outfits we may ever see them in, Hastings is wearing a blue shirt, Steve is wearing a grey suit, white shirt, and green tie, and Kate is in a white turtleneck with a navy pea coat. Again, this turtleneck is more effeminate than anything we’ve seen her in this series. Hell, even Patty C is wearing blue to show she’s aligned with anti-corruption and just kind of a bitch, not actually corrupt.
Finally, to the blessed epilogue. Shoutout to Terry and Farida for getting some closure to the bullshit they’ve been through.
Jo steps out of her little stone cottage in the country, dressed in a casual sweater of grey and blue, breathing in the fall air deeply. Her layers of clothing are gone, her hair is down and soft. Her Icelandic sweater shows that she’s finally free to honor her heart, and no longer feels trapped by her family and who she thought they were.
Tumblr media
And then, a dog trots out after her, and we see Jo bend down to hug the retriever and kiss its head. This is the most free affection we have ever seen Jo give. A set of legs appear in the doorway behind her, and a redheaded woman steps out of the cottage to meet Jo and the dog. Jo smiles at her, oh so freely after the tension she carried for 21 years, and they clasp hands, walking down the country road away from their home. Because Jo is free, and she can freely love and live without fear in her new life.
Tumblr media
Now, from a purely logistical standpoint, very little affection between anyone could be shown from episodes 3-7 because of COVID filming protocols (which seem to be far more strict on physical distancing than American and Canadian productions). The production team actually did a brilliant job using forced perspective and interesting over the shoulders to make people seem like they were closer together than they were. From a film nerd perspective though, they broke the 180 rule so frequently that I nearly lost my mind (glass boxes are great but they ignore all rules of perspective).
All that aside, the logistics of filming in COVID mean that moments where we do see physical distancing broken are all the more important. Kelly filmed this scene with an actress who she has not been working with for months, because it is so, so important to see Jo come out of the other side of her tragic life intact. It also matters that her partner is wearing a warm hat and has red hair (intentional casting or otherwise) and that their home has a red door, because it shows that those warm tones represent something different for Jo now. They don’t represent fear and betrayal and being trapped - now they represent home.
Additionally, there are a lot of comparisons made between Jo, Dot, and Ryan. All three had been groomed by Tommy Hunter since childhood to work for the OCG, all three were put into the Central Police to act as inside men, and all three committed terrible acts in their own interest. But there are differences here. Ryan was a little shit as a kid and he clearly had a terrible home life - his mom was the worst. He gravitated to an authority figure who offered him something different and who gave him power. He is a victim of circumstance - but he also found power and enjoyment in his terrible actions. He gloated about Maneet Bindra and John Corbett’s deaths, and he enjoyed wielding power over Jo when he was threatening her.
Dot is the blend between Ryan and Jo - he too was groomed by Tommy to enter this world of crime, and did many awful things without regret, including killing people who threatened to expose his identity as the Caddy. It’s not until his friendship, and burgeoning relationship, that his behavior changes. He almost gets away from the Central Police, despite Kate hopping on a lorry for a free ride to track him down, but when faced with the reality that this would mean Kate’s death, he sacrifices himself and gives her a final clue to dismantle the OCG within the police.
Jo, from what we’re shown, felt regret after everything she did, and the show made it a point to demonstrate Jo as a victim of her family and genuine fear for her life if she didn’t continue following the actions of the OCG. We never saw Ryan or Dot with a gun to their head or with a dozen locks on their door. We never saw them break down in bathroom stalls, or even framing people and discrediting them instead of killing them. And it’s ultimately her relationship with Kate that changes things for her - she tries to use Kate at first to get caught, and when they get close she tries to push Kate away in order to protect her, right until she thinks she has no other choice but to let Ryan kill her.
It’s interesting that all three characters meet their end with Kate (and a damn shame the show never chose to address that fully). She quite literally kills Ryan, has a standoff with Dot that ends with him sacrificing himself for her and giving a dying declaration, and goes on the run with Jo to give her time to prove she isn’t bent and who plants evidence against herself to protect Kate. Later, it’s Kate who convinces Jo to give up everything she knows about the OCG and the man who claimed to be her father, and Kate who offers immunity and witness protection. Finally, in their last scene together, Kate manages to save one of the people corrupted under the thumb of the OCG. She completes a task she first set out for in series 1, the first time she interviewed Ryan and tried to get him to realize there’s a better life out there for him.
Kate does what Jo was hoping she would: she saves her, and gives her the life she never thought she could have.
Tumblr media
I wish I could end this with a perfect bow that ties the wardrobe threads of this series together, but frankly I can’t. On a macro level, cool tones remains the symbol of anti-corruption and the pursuit of truth and justice, and warm tones represent any force opposing those ideals. On a micro level, Steve’s clothing choices and what they represent remain consistent throughout the series, as do Jo’s. However, the character that ties Steve and Jo together, the person who believed in the truth of Jo despite what face value was saying, that person’s wardrobe gets thrown to hell in the final episode. Kate’s colors remain cool, and it’s understandable that the warm tones that represented her connection to Jo disappear as Jo turns on the OCG, but the actual physical clothing is completely different from what she’s been wearing before and doesn’t fit her characterization.
I think it’s crucial to note that her femininity is only played up when she’s back on a team with men, where her earlier androgynous dress became suddenly unacceptable. It’s a damn shame, because the emotional payoff for Kate’s growth outside of AC-12 could’ve been really spectacular, and she was stymied in the end in favor of her male colleagues.
40 notes · View notes
amazingphilza · 3 years
Text
DSMP!OC HEADCANNONS
i dunno if ppl on here make dsmp!ocs for themselves outside art but here’s my long list of headcannons?? idk what to call this, but assume all names have c! before it ofc :]
,, this is kinda messy & probably has a lot of plot holes but i just needed a space to write out all my thoughts LOL
also cw / ment of manipulation & ib: dsmp wiki <3
Tumblr media
character origin :
previous life was the l’mantree :D
allegedly planted by schlatt, we will never know who’s my canonical parent(s)
reborn as a dryad after niki burns the l’mantree
i think being a dryad would fit especially since they’re typically nymphs of oak trees :]
Tumblr media
appearance :
my character’s mc skin has long light brown hair & is seen wearing a flower crown with petals that are around the color of a pale violet and navy blue
clothing would consist of black shoes & a long light grey sweater that falls down to the legs and covers most of the hands which adorned with 2 black stripes on the upper arms
Tumblr media
lore / history :
since my past life was the l’mantree, i would’ve known the ins and outs of the history when l’manburg was still standing, up until niki burned the tree
after witnessing everything, i’d hold a grudge on niki (+ allies?) and loyal to wilbur since he’s the whole person that made a meaning of the land of l’manburg
however i’d still be on edge w any side because i could sympathize with everyone to some extent after seeing some sort of distress from everyone at some point
i think seeing both sides of the spectrum when l’manburg/manburg still stood could change my perspective of some other characters
but at the same time, not everything was completely centered in l’manburg so i wouldn’t know the whole story of everyone’s character
i’m currently writing this just after tommy has left the prison & mostly everyone is treating him differently, so i’d try to befriend him by not showing that i dont care about his past & trauma but also not being fully faithful about our friendship ahaha,,,
he seems like the type that needs someone to see through his past history but tommy would definitely disapprove of my character visiting dream at the prison (i would do it anyway :))
vowing my current life to wilbur, i would help dream escape to revive wilbur & follow along with their plans of chaos
i don’t fully support dream but he is the only way to wilbur, making me comply with dream’s decisions
“growing up” in my past life and witnessing endless conflict, it is the only thing i know and understand; chaos
but i think during the process of helping dream & wilbur i’d keep my connection with them secret, being the person to obtain all the inside information they need
i could see myself as a type of equilibrium like ranboo but in a bad way, i don’t know how to explain it
but i would try befriending ranboo since he seems like he is involved in many things and would know a lot, despite his short term memory
unfortunately i’m not sure how much his character actually knows since i haven’t been able to watch his pov that much but i’m sure there’s a lot in his memory book...
to blend in as a normal person within the rest of the characters, i’d surround myself with connor a lot
not only because he needs more lore, connor is one of the “normal” citizens of the smp so i believe being with him doesn’t bring as much attention to myself, unlike people that’s related to the egg and their noticeable features after associating themselves with the egg
he is currently only on bad terms with techno which is rly good when comparing that to other characters and their relationships with other people
connor could probably sense my real intentions eventually & tell everyone else that i’m not who i say i am but if that’s my flaw & my downfall is caused by connor, so be it! sorry dream & wilbur
i feel like for being a young dryad, i’d still fool around with dream/wilbur & help give tommy an small “advantage” to defeating the two ?
like yes i’m supposed to be on your side but where’s the fun if tommy can’t do anything to begin with?
i honestly don’t know if wilbur was revived he’d actually be his vassal but let’s assume that happens, but either way i’m with wilbur on his decisions
but ya dream seems like the type to punish me for helping tommy and send me to the afterlife to learn & become smarter like wilbur had done or smth
in the end, i just want to give tommy bits and pieces that tease him from ending all the wars and problems he has been faced with
like here’s some info about dream and wilbur but it won’t be no where close to enough
but who knows, ghostbur said ‘villains are just heroes that aren’t convinced yet’ & maybe tommy could eventually grow on me & change my ways,,
maybe me fooling around & teasing tommy with answers he’s been searching for is a way to mask that i want to be a good person
ok but imagine after knowing so much about dream/wilbur, the revive book, & the afterlife & then i switch sides,,,
surely if tommy can’t put and end to them, dream would make sure i’m gone for good instead
but also if me & connor are in good terms & he’s canonically a necromancer & can bring ppl back to life,,,,
Tumblr media
personality :
to all besides dream & wilbur, i’d try to act passive and friendly on the outside to get on everyone’s good side
however under the mask i am more mischievous & strive to cause more problems for everyone on the server from the inside out
in a way, i’ve taken up some of dream’s manipulative personality but still very understanding
i’d like to think of my character as a good listener,, trying to do less talking than others so i do not open up about my true self and intentions
i’ve seen rumors about schlatt & mexican dream also being revived along with wilbur & i feel like i’d have some soft spot for schlatt & pick up a few things from his own character, not sure what though
schlatt planted l’mantree theory, dad!schlatt au part 2 !! /j
because of my character’s closed off and quiet personality, i feel like i’d be pretty analytical
i would know how to slip between the cracks with some characters & notice the smallest things to make them question themselves
maybe my character is good at holding their composure, and not that susceptible to being “emotional” in a way so it’s easier to face people
like i understand when a situation is sad, etc but i can’t show emotion towards how i feel about it (i don’t know if that makes sense but ya!)
i wanna try to elaborate more,, like imagine my character before tommy visits the prison, i would be unfazed from when i found out he died to the point he’s released and we find out he’s been revived
everything is a constant blur hehe
i just can’t fully process everything i guess? i dunno if that’s helpful but yeah!
in the end though, my moral compass has been very tainted; despite wanting to show my loyalty, it can be slightly easy to sway me, making me internally feel guilty to other people
but me trying to get on everyone’s good side to impress wilbur/dream to seem useful to them would ruin me before i would even realize that i’m another “pawn”
we know damn well dream is faking it till he “makes it” but yk,,
but i’d be stuck in this kind of dilemma of not knowing what thoughts are my own or just something trickled down from wilbur or dream
there’s like maybe something that clicks in my head like “maybe i wanna think for myself for once” or smth
like who am i really?
Tumblr media
powers , bonuses , etc :
since dryads can technically manipulate plants in some ways, theoretically i could control the blood vines to some extent ???
i’m pretty sure dryads can communicate with plants so i could understand what the blood vines are saying as well
maybe i could get a good sense of what the egg is all about and stuff
assuming that i understood anything that was happening with the egg in the first place but anyway—
i guess similar to ranboo like how he can’t really be around water without some type of amour or something, it would make sense for me to primarily reside in a type a forest or be near one ?? who knows
seems a bit morbid in a way because of the whole history but if i can somehow easily get rid of the blood vines without it affecting me (if there is still some there) i think it would be kinda pretty to build a tree base in the middle of the l’manburg crator (iskall tease)
like it can show a sign of some rebirth, not the same government repeated once again but a new era in general
you know how you see like destruction years after it the disaster or smth happened and it gets all overgrown with plants and stuff? ya that’s what i’m going for in my head (mumbo jumbo s7 tease)
i know it’s covered in glass already but i dunno, some broken glass and a giant tree emerging from the whole thing and all the rubble seems cool
i’m not a good builder but i have the vision LMAO
omg puffy is like a sheep human hybrid im pretty sure & like there’s a specific type of dryad that are a protector of sheep & other animals?? i’m not exactly sure but that seems like an interesting element to incorporate somehow
also glatt randomly planting a oak sapling in quackity’s lore stream yes pls feed my nonexistent dsmp character lore /j
i honestly dunno how to incorporate the fact dryads can turn shapeshift into trees when trying to escape something but i read something that if a dryad stays in a tree form for too long they’ll forget who they are and stay stuck as a tree?? which like woah that’s cool & some material but at the same time what—
since everyone’s backstory is kinda a mess, mr beast parent tease bc he planted a bunch of trees /hj
i have realized wilbur saying like “the whole reason i built this nation is gone” & blowing up everything or whatever is kinda a plot hole in like ‘why would i follow wilbur if/when he’s revived when he said this?’ but i’d like to think he was the one that made some meaning of the area lmanburg was on, which includes the lmantree
like he was the one that started everything and created that sentiment of that land, and however he views it now is how i would see it now
he gave meaning to my past life and now in my current life, i feel this obligation to repay him for it
not really lore bc i think it was cc!tommy talking to cc!ranboo about his height & age when he first joined but yk it would funny to make my dsmp character than his just to slightly spite him anyway
canonically 6’4 dryad yes . /hj
also i have no idea anything about hannah and her lore but we do be flower buddies :D
also omg like this isn’t at all important but the way ranboo can pick up grass blocks will just have me at awe, i dunno seems in theme with the forest/plant stuff
and i remember reading like there was something about dryads and apples but i can’t remember but i’d give tommy a bunch of apples /hj
apples am i right chat,,,,,
i’ll just have infinite apples in my inventory, like kill me in game, not like losing lives kinda deal but just in general and boom stacks of apples
“bee i get you’re half tree but do you just poop apples out like they’re nothing??” “girls don’t poop” /j
ok but like no matter how many streams i watch i cant grasp where everything is but omg but no if i was new to the server & stuff, canonically & not, i would feel my character to be the curious kind to explore everywhere
like besides a mini tour from some other person in the server, since my character only knows things in the bounds of lmanburg, i’d go off exploring different places like pogtopia, the sewers, showchester, etc
i feel like my character would be really into history, like they would have questions about what happened to lmanburg after the last war? what was life like before wilbur? what was the whole history about the antarctic empire? i dunno but reading a bunch of books from a library seems really interesting
oh but in theory, me and tubbo are loosely related if you wanna count schlatt as my “dad” because he supposedly planted the lmantree ???
i mean could make sense but it seems like a stretch
also if my character ever got close to schlatt, i’m not sure if this is canon, but i swear one time he mentioned how the whole dsmp sever is just a game/server in a game & he’s the only one that knows that ??? but like imagine if i found that out canonically,,,,,
big existential crisis pls
and i’m not 100% sure how dryad shifting works with like going from female to tree form and stuff but if i’m able to morph into different girls on the server & act as them,,,, the about of problems that can cause in the lore omg
lemme frame niki real quick and get inside information /j
oh ya and like hey bee do you support the government then? yes but no. whatever my “fav” person is canonically (assuming this is based in the beginning of this whole hc) whatever wilbur thinks, i think. head empty. but subject to change as the dsmp storyline progresses and stuff :]
ngl i wanna throw in some like random lore that doesn’t make sense to throw people off but i can’t think of anything
not actually really lore related but my choice of stream music like how ranboo has his undertale stuff that makes everyone cry, i will have in love with a ghost
yup i like in love with a ghost sm & i’m pretty sure their music is like not dmca too which yay but yk theoretically never gonna stream on the dsmp but still a fun aspect to think of bc i love listening to music & it’s very impactful to a story & associating something to it makes it more meaningful :D
like i could imagine the chill pop lofi piano stuff fits witha few lore streams of like exploring the whole smp before my character would really go out with being this lost villain in a way?
tubbo’s gangnam style who?
like i feel like i made my character bad/evil so they could have potential to get better in the future
on one hand, i’ll end up w dream and/or wilbur for the rest of my life, which is okay but i could also switch to be with tommy or even disregard all of them and be with techno/phil or quackity & potentially schlatt even who knows
also i cant wait for more connor lore tho, like as much as i tried to make my character give him more content i wanna see how everything goes with him having connections to schlatt & stuff
anyway i would’ve made concept art for my character but i honestly don’t rly like my art currently but who knows LMAO
and lastly if u read all of this ily /p
i might update this later when there’s more lore but ya
36 notes · View notes
kaypeace21 · 3 years
Text
DID theory part 3: St novels/comics/spotify list analyses
*read part 2  of DID theory-first! You’ll be lost otherwise, seriously XD. First, I’ll say -I find the ST comics/ books as canon as the st movie inspirations . I don’t consider the books/comics ‘literal canon’ (cause they contradict the show ( like Max and billy meeting a year before s2  in runaway max - but meeting as little kids in s3,  or El’s age being wrong in suspicious minds, in the d&D comic Will’s friends instead of him /Jonathan building castle byers, etc) . 
So I think we shouldn’t take it  literally - but more like the st movie lists - filled with foreshadowing/symbolism and other eastereggs (That the Duffers may have told them to add). So here’s some more (possible) alter / DID hints...
‘Suspicious minds’ novel
- Brenner  equates k*lling rabbits to h*rting kids. And he’ll hurt (kid) Kali (the bunny in the analogy) if Terry tries running away from him . I wonder if Lonnie used a similar threat against jonathan? Jon could be giving only a partial truth to why he cried for a week (about the bunny story)?
Tumblr media
-Kali “hops” like a bunny then talks about tigers obsessively (linking her to rabbits/tigers similar to the other alters/Will/Lonnie). Terry also imagines tigers and kali says to Alice they can all be tigers together.
Tumblr media
- one of the only male psychic experiments (who can see the future) is gay
- Terry is into lord of the rings, like Will. Has her and her boyfriend dress as sam & frodo (m/m ship). Terry calls her and her friends “the fellowship”.
-when Terry/Alice were injected with d**gs -they hallucinated rainbows.yikes.
- Alice (like Lonnie) is a car mechanic. She can see the future like Will the wise and says “monsters of course my mind has them as long as they stayed in there, everything would be alright? Wouldn’t it?” (in her visions she saw the demogorgan).
 (completed) graphic ST novels (by Jody Hozer) so far  (+ other st comics).
*Jody Hozer writes all the graphic novels (every novel is 4 chapters each) - the will byers comic, number 6 comic , into the fire comic, and at the moment she’s writing the d&d series and the summer camp series (which isn’t done yet). Then there’s the occasional 1 chapter st comics not written by her.
- Number 6 has (the ability to foresee the future like Will the wise/Alice) and has an ab*sive dad. 
Tumblr media Tumblr media
When having a nightmare of the demogorgan ...she says as she wakes up “screw you dad” (another hint the demogrgan -aka in d&d means ‘deep father’ ...is Lonnie).
Tumblr media
- when number 6 and others run they say they’re’ “rabbiting”(which yes technically makes sense but I found such an uncommon phrase odd.)
Tumblr media
- The (summer camp and d&d graphic novels aren’t completed yet) but they establish d&d creatures are based off  real life people the boys don’t like in real life. Or that d&d is used as an outlet to explain true events from their pasts -but they just give the true stories a d&d fantasy slant.
Tumblr media
- Which brings me to the halloween oneshot(not by Hozer),taking place before s1. Will tells a scary story told to him by Jonathan, and originally told to him by Lonnie. Says the boys have to keep it a secret cause it was something he was never supposed to tell to anyone. Mike says he has to finish the story he started. It’s about a “ch*lld-eater” monster first attacking a boy near the quarry (like where Will was found) and  attacking kids in a library (where Will was also found in s1).When the child sees the sheriff she bangs on the library door begging for help-he ignores her , walks away, and tells the other cops to never speak of what they saw as she screams for help. Because the previous sheriff was in kahoots with the monster. It def had some ... uh questionable imagery too 0_0
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
The vine in the mouth is also like the one in Will’s mouth (when Joyce found him in the library).And of course Dustin asks whether or not something like that could be covered up.
- In the “bully  comic” (about troy) also not by Jody. We focus on Troy and his ab*sive dad (who encourages him to fight/ditch his best friend). The dad has a drinking problem (gets fired), calls Troy a “mess” , pushes him, and constantly encourages Troy to be vi*lent/macho. He pretty much tries sabotaging the relationship Troy has with his friend (which I could see Lonnie doing in the future with byler).The dad/troy is framed similarly to when Billy gives Max a ride home-  after both ab*sers give bad advice saying not to hang out with their friend (after witnessing them fight in the school parking lot). Dad also laughs about almost k*lling a squirrel (a trait we see troy mimic)- and we see El feel guilty about k*lling a squirrel in s2. At the end of the comic- Troy (like Will) after making up with his bff james- moves leaving his best friend behind.
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
-  (into the fire) Twins: (one was normal with no powers living in the real world and the twin with fire powers is trapped in a dark sunless “cold” world styled like a psych facility/medieval fantasy) . pics in link.She hated her reflection cause it reminded her of being betrayed by her normal non powered twin who left her behind in the ‘cold’ place. She’d call herself a ‘hunter’ who would defend herself and attack others to never be hurt again. Her powers being unleashed were described like opening “a door.” And she loves her twin deep down and just wants friends . And fire twin goes to the “other side” to reunite with her reflection and find happiness in the real world. *also there’s sunflower/bunny symbols which she lights on fire-which can relate back to Will/Terry/Lonnie etc. The twins = Will & Will the wise (mf)
Mirrors also connect to Will and Will the wise via the canon spotify playlists too.
Will playlist (song: mirror in the bathroom)-Mirror in the bathroom Please talk free.The door is locked -Just you and me.Mirror in the bathroom recompense for all my crimes of self defense.Cures you whisper make no sense!Drift gently into Mental illness.
Demogorgan playlist ( from perspective of Will the wise aka the mf) (song: are you dead yet? )-”polluted soul through a mirror I behold.Throw a punch, shards bleed on the floor. tearing me apart. but I don't care anymore.Should I regret or ask myself are you dead yet?Wake up, don't cry. Regenerate to deny the truth. The fiction you live in blindfolds your eyes. Disclosure, self loathing, this time you've gone too far.Or could it be, my nemesis, that you are me?
(*st ‘into the fire’ comic. the fire powered twin’s thoughts echo the song)
Tumblr media
*I think this foreshadows the later plot points of mf (will the wise ) and Will interacting via mirrors. The fire-wielding twin and the non powered twin had a lot of mirror imagery. Including the fire powered twin (Who denies reality/and imagines herself in a fantasy world) punching her reflection because it reminds her of her non-powered twin. Here’s some cover art from the novels showing how much they emphasize mirrors.
Tumblr media
*And in s4 movies Black swan - “the black and white swan twins (two halves of the same person-Nina)” had creepy mirror imagery. In long kiss goodnight the women with DID talks to her “ (supposed)dark 1/2″  via a mirror (in a dream).  in ‘the visit’ the teen girl who’s dad abandoned her when young-  refuses to look in the mirror (and it’s never explained why she hates her reflection). So yes I think we’ll see this in s4 or 5. We already see the mf take on the appearance of Billy when talking to him.
Tumblr media
- Will in “zombie boy” comic is afraid he’s a monster.
Tumblr media
also lets appreciate the lil byler moment of Mike and Will being the only zombies and mike comforting him. honestly , though, the characters were pretty out of character for most of this 1 ch comic (until the end) tbh.
Tumblr media
- in the “d&d comic” mf is  (possibly) described as a “protector” (aka like how i said the mf is probably a perpetrator alter- which are misguided protectors).
Tumblr media
*update now that it’s finished... hinting Will created everything subconsciously.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
‘Runaway Max’ novel (before s3)
(I didn’t get time to read this book unlike ‘suspicious minds’ -so can’t show screen shots of everything others talked about. May read it eventually)
-Max compares Billy  to ‘her monster’ and a ‘shadow’ that will attack anyone that comes close (mf parallel).
- Dart k*lled a cat,  El’s papa tried to force her to k*ll a cat. And Billy when seeing a d*ad cat lights it on fire for a “viking funeral”. A connection to WW (who has fire powers) and El & dart.
-Max and Billy both are into cars and bond over fixing them (similar to Lonnie’s interest in fixing up cars). And since Lonnie tried to brag to Jonathan about fixing a car up and Will is into tech it wouldn’t be a stretch that Lonnie and Will were into fixing cars together (like Max/billy who would hang out at a autoshop in Cali) .  Similar to Will ,max says hanging with Billy wasn’t always so bad- which made things more confusing to her.
- Max compares Billy being beat up by Neil: to ‘punching a pocket of a baseball glove’. This is interesting since this book was pre-s3 which was when they established the connection of billy and his dad to baseball (similar to s1 saying  Lonnie taught Will baseball).
Tumblr media
-Billy’s friend is a nice ‘music snob’ . He tries distracting Max with music while Billy is burning the cat. Which reminds me of Jonathan trying to distract Will from their parents fighting in the next room-with music
- Max’s bio dad is a criminal who takes her to shady bars, and Max fears he’d ‘get bored of her’. Max also ran away from her mom to her dad’s 2x.Which reminds me of Jonathan thinking Will ran to Lonnie’s in s1.
-Max mentions how Billy misses his friends after moving out of Cali. And he starts acting even worse-after the move. Which will probably be the case for Will (at least a bit) when moving to California.
-Billy tells Max Neil isn’t his ‘real dad’ either because Neil can’t be a father to anyone.
-Billy also tells Max who (at the time ) is 12 years old not to act “easy” and breaks her best friend’s (Nate’s) arm over  someone joking he was Max’s boyfriend and also cause Nate tried to get in between Billy bullying Max. Eventually all her Cali friends ditch her cause they’re afraid of Billy.And Ugh- why could I see Lonnie doing something like this in the future with Will/his new friends. 
- Creepily Max says Billy doesn’t fool around with her like other girls not because of her age or being family. But cause she wasn’t ‘attractive’. This whole excerpt gave me the heeby jeebies,on so many levels, honestly.  Almost like he’s jealous- and controlling her cause he doesn’t want Max to have any love interests. Maybe i’m just missing the context? But ugh... excerpt:
Tumblr media
Will byers secret Files
-Hopper gets scared by a pumpkin-scarecrow. And in Will’s canon journal when talking about the mindflayer and his nightmares draws the same scare-crow , Hopper saw. There’s also a lot of s4-5 foreshadowing in the book... but that’s a post for another day.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Darkness on the edge of town (Hopper novel)
*didn’t get time to read this (except the preview)
 I think it’s more foreshadowing for future seasons though- cult/supposed ritual k*llings, people being wrongly blamed for those crimes-like the hellfire club , most likely.  (similar to the guy number 3 in the number 6 comic)  saint john in the novel also has the same brain control powers as 3- similar to the mf. .” When a blackout plunges the boroughs into chaos, Hopper must escape the the mobs in the streets to make sure his family is safe and stop Saint John from fulfilling his prophecy.” I already talked about here- how the next few seasons would start having more religious symbolism/a future apocalypse (based on what we’ve seen in the show/s4 movies). Although, i think there’s quite a few differences between (the novel’s) saint john and Will the wise. Hopper is also a star wars nerd like the boys (alter hint)
Canon spotify songs (posted after s2/before s3) hinting at DID/ alter /lonnie stuff-
Will  and Will the wise (aka the mf) being an alter
*Used Will and the demogorgan playlist (which i think has perspectives of Will the wise aka the mf, demogorgan, and Lonnie).
Besides the mirror songs previously mentioned...
Will (cold inside)-Doctor the problem's in my chest.My heart feels cold as ice but it's anybody's guess?Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mind. Doctor can you help me cause I don't feel right?Better make it fast before I change my mindWell it's cold, cold, cold, cold inside. Darker in the day than the dead of night Cold, cold, cold, cold inside...Counselor give me some advice Tell me how hard will I fall if I live a double life?
El (ghost)-your ghost, the ghost of you.It keeps me awake.My friends had you figured out.Yeah they saw what's inside of you. You tried hiding another you.But your evil was coming through... living in the shade Your cold heart makes my spirit shake.
El (monster Lead me home)-I don't know what, what I was afraid of, I was afraid oooof...Monster take me somewhere...We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.Where there is no place to hide.Stranger on the other side We walk in shadow.Monster lead me home.
 The’ innerworld’/  other hints Max, El, Hopper, and Billy are alters of Will’s
Max (Logical song)-I know it sounds absurd. Please tell me who I am, who I am, who I am, who I am?
EL(Buzzcut season)-I remember when your head caught flame It kissed your scalp and caressed your brain ...nothing's wrong when nothing's true. I live in a hologram with you Where all the things that we do for fun . Play along (make-believe it's hyper real) But I live in a hologram with you.
Billy (broken bones)-Broken bones.Stay alone. If I see only what I believe -reality's bound by what I conceive
Max (Why can’t i touch it)-Well, it seems so real.I can see it.And it seems so real-I can feel it.And it seems so real-I can taste it.And it seems so real-I can hear it.So why can't I touch it?
Hopper (breakers)-Just to keep me from losing my mind .It's so easy to drown in the dream.Oh, and everything is not what it seems This life is but a dream.Shatter illusions that hold your spirit down ...From the inside, so it seems.Oh, I'm telling you it's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a dream It's all a It's all a dream.”
Max (comfortably numb)-When I was a child I caught a fleeting glimpse out of the corner of my eye.I turned to look but it was gone.I cannot put my finger on it now.The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably numb.
Max (Kids aren’t alright)-Still it's hard Hard to see Fragile lives, shattered dreams...What the hell is going on? The cruelest dream, reality.
El(team)-Livin' in ruins of a palace within my dreams. And you know we're on each other's team
Hopper (denial twist) ( just change ‘she’ to ‘he’)-Just because she makes you feel wrong she don't mean to be mean or hurt you on purpose, boy!Take a tip and do yourself a little service...by playing a different role Ya, by playing a different role, oh.The boat ya you know she's rockin' it.And the truth well ya know there's no stoppin' it.So what, somebody left you in a rut and wants to be the one who's in control.But the feeling that you're under can really make you wonder.How the hell she can be so cold?So now you're mad, denying the truth.And it's getting in the wisdom in the back of your tooth
El (the story)-You see the smile that's on my mouth.It's hiding the words that don't come out.And all of my friends who think that I'm blessed.They don't know my head is a mess.No they don't know who I really am.And they don't know what I've been through
El (hero) ( pretty much alludes to El being a construct of Will’s mind similar to his juju zombies in the d&d story he wrote )-Who knows what you'll find when you look inside (billy’s mind)?Haunted beach (billy flashback), roll the dice.The zombies in the corner aren't amused (d&d ref).Play the part of the blushing bride...Out of view, cloaked by night...My spirit dims, but I feel the force"No longer in my hands,"  (loses powers) .I say to you .I could've been a hero, I could've been a zero.Could've been all these thingsI could've been nothing, I could've had something.Could've been all these things.And if I am unable, tell him that I'll try but underneath the table will spin the wheel and hope for gold. Oh, and where it stops, nobody knows.
Max (it’s real)-I don't know who's behind the wheel.Sometimes I feel like I don't know The deal.But when I tell you how I feel-Believe me when I say It's real.I skated on a frozen Sea.It's real as far as I Can see?
Max (Halloween)-Because your role is planned for you there's nothing you can do.
El (White rabbit... alice and wonderland/lonnie ref)-And if you go chasing rabbits, and you know you're going to fall...When logic and proportion have fallen sloppy dead.
demogrogan(Dimensions of horror)-Gaze upon the ancient face you dread (lonnie)... Passing through the doors, into Dimensions Of Horror. Haunting visions from the past, rise once more.Realms of darkness, terror, death and gore.Scream in fear, your sanity is lost
demogorgan (SCHORCHED)-Terrorizing madness. Vivid dreams. internal. Hallucinating the unknown. Abstract entities prey.Through superhuman abilities.Fragments of memory erased.
demogrogan (Calling from a dream)-the shadow king...seven spirits (7 ref) Swarming around his head.Close your eyes.Listen to my call. Our bond will bring us together again.I will wait for you. For our hearts still beat as one.Listen to my calling from a dream. (integration?)
 Maybe a coincidence or a hint at Will having both male &female alters?Billy (dude looks like a lady)- What a funky lady...Oh, he was a lady.Dude looks like a lady. Hopper (turn the page)-All the same old cliches,"Is that a woman or a man?" Max ( rebel rebel) (this was on her her pre s3 spotify list + post s3 “wrapped list”)- you got your mother in a whirl, doesn’t know if you’re a boy or girl? 
 SHIT DAD/ AB*SIVE FAMILY
*trigger w*rning ahead for dark themes like s**ual ab*se
demogorgan (my children)My children I never loved them.Why feel that way when their existence is my business?My children...feral vessals of my selfinterest...So don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.Don't lean on me man 'Cause I ain't got nothing to give.My children they're right behind you My children they're gonna beat you.My children if you let them Oh, oh, my children.
demogorgan (black dahlia-window):  I’m not quoting the lyrics you can just look it up.  it’s messed up.Based on the 1st person pov of Gilles de Rais -k**ler and p*d*rest who also kidnapped a cleric.
Will (creature comfort)-Some boys hate themselves.Spend their lives resenting their fathers... hate their bodies .Stand in the mirror (another mirror ref) and wait for the feedback.Some boys get too much, too much love, too much touch.
Jonathan’s Playlist- We’re happy family: “Eating refried beans (poverty). Gulpin’ down Thorazines (pills for a mood disorder). We ain’t got no friends (s2 ref). Our troubles never end. Daddy likes men. Daddy’s telling LIES.”
Jonathan’s playlist-Enter sandman: “Don’t forget my son. Sleep with one eye open. Gripping your pillow tight, Exit light, Enter night. Take my hand, we’re off to never-never land. Something’s wrong, shut the light, heavy thoughts tonight. Dreams of LIARS and of things that will bite, yeah. Hush little baby don’t say a word, and never mind that noise you heard. It’s just the beasts under your bed, in your closet in your head.”
Jonathan (The killing moon-guy sings this)-So soon you'll take me up in your arms. Too late to beg you or cancel it. Against your will!He will wait until you give yourself to him...In starlit nights I saw you.So cruelly you kissed me... unwillingly mine.
jonathan (haunted)-You and I both know that the house is haunted And you and I both know that the ghost is me. You used to catch me in your bed-sheets just a-rattling your chains.Well back then , it didn't seem so strange...In the midnight hour..I was busy trying to charm that snake. When the sun came up we had no place to hide...You and I both know that the house is haunted  yeah you and I both know that the ghost is YOU! You used to walk around screaming, all slamming all 'dem doors Well I'm all grown up now and I don't scare easy no more But you and I both know.
Hopper (Confession)-Now I'm on the low Confession, to a virgin ghost Admission, force you know.
hopper (Tomorrow ) Yeah, and back when s*x and amph*tamines were the staples of our childhood physique.
Max (Last caress)-I got something to say.I k**led your baby today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as it's de*d.Well I got something to say.I r*ped your mother today.And it doesn't matter much to me.As long as she spread. (Lonnie pov? Neil?messed up song to be on Max’s list)
hopper House of the rising sun- And my father was a gamblin' man Way down in New Orleans... And the only time he's satisfied Is when he's on a drunk
Max Poor relations-An attitude, no patience, he's paper thin.Talking over everything you have to say...Don't correct the things he said, what's the use?Can't handle violence.Can't handle violence.Learning to love the abuse you can't live without.Your familiar oppression, your daily injustice...That loser man that belongs to you, he's ruling you.
el (sweet dreams are made of this)- Some of them want to use you ...Some of them want to ab*se you.Sweet dreams are made of this...Hold your head up.Keep your head up, movin' on.
Max (Alternative ulster)-They say they're a part of you.And that's not true, you know.They say they've got control of you.And that's a lie, you know.They say you will never Be free, free, free
max In bloom-”Sometimes at night I let it get to me.And last night it had me down and feeling NUMB...And thinking back upon those days Way way back when I was young.I was such a little shit.Cos I was always on the run.Well you know just what they say-Just like father then like son.Don't delude me with your sympathy.Cos I can do this on my own.And this will be the last time-That I break down and wanna crawl to bed. “(since Billy has a playlist I found this song choice being on hers instead of his interesting- in fact almost all of Max’s songs are from the 1st person perspective of a boy unlike the other gals.)
Max (comfortably numb)-The child is grown.The dream is gone.I have become comfortably NUMB.
hopper (numb)-Honey, here I go again Down that crooked road of sin.My momma locked me out again And hung me high to rust under the rain I am NUMB( 8x)....Little bluebird at my window Sing a pretty song for me Don't you know that you can fly, fly, fly away Don't you know that you can leave I am numb.
other psych songs
Hopper (life of sin)-Every morning when I rise I look in the mirror (another mirror ref) and despise the sight of everything and all that I've become. The level of my medicating some might find intimidating But that's alright cause' it don't bother me none.
 Max (Moon over marin)- “Dive in my scalding wooden tub (connects to mf/el)...There, wasn't that a nice visit?Don't forget, a psychiatrist is on duty twenty-four hours a day in the blue room...Drink plenty of water when you take these.Now you can relax.” ( I wonder if stranger writers saying to “drink plenty of water” is secretly a line said by a psych person in s4?)
Max (Feeling ok)-My doctor says that I should take it -At least I won't have to keep faking.I know, someday I'll find it-Where I, I least expect it.Today I know I feel ok.
Max ( Going gets tough)-.No home since the fire.Me and the ash can't settle down...So I sink another round-Placebo for pain.And there's no one for to blame . I refuse to accept-That my work is all in vain...Still always remembering .When the going gets tough .That the labor of our love-Will reward us soon enough.
 Max (Comfortably numb)-Hello? (Hello? Hello? Hello?)Is there anybody in there?Just nod if you can hear me.Is there anyone home?Come on now-I hear you're feeling down.Well I can ease your pain .Get you on your feet again.Relax // Now I've got that feeling once again.I can't explain . you would not understand.This is not how I am. I have become comfortably numb.I have become comfortably numb //Okay (okay, okay, okay)Just a little pinprick.There'll be no more, ah .But you may feel a little sick.Can you stand up?I do believe it's working, good.That'll keep you going through the show.Come on it's time to go// Your lips move but I can't hear what you're saying.
Explanations of Why the mf  (WIll the wise)behaves the way he does
demogorgan (ww) (Cowards starved)- friends think of me as a priest.I had to show them that the weakest hands Can still make impressive fires. (aka MF = will the wise)
demogorgan (ww) (Unmerciful):I will be reborn...Tranquil demeanor.Now devoured.Surfacing malice...I can't reconcile the torment others bring unto me.I will not take any reproach.Turning the other cheek.Relentless hatred consumes.Control released.Absolved of all compassion.I am free .Look into my hate filled eyes and tell me What do you see?Surging aura of my rage Paralyzing you in fear.
Demogorgan (ww) (bodies-Beaten why for (why for)?Can't take much more.(Here we go, here we go, here we go).One, nothing wrong with me,Two, nothing wrong with me.Three, nothing wrong with me.Four, nothing wrong with me.One, something's got to give.Two, something's got to give.Three, something's got to give now...You're all by yourself but you're not alone...Driven by hate consumed by fear.
demogrgan (ww)-Orbs used as transmitters carry electromagnetic beams from above (affecting magnetic fields in the show).Silence, manipulated, tortured ...How immune is your system of suffering?Its in the blood of suffering (familial ref).Its in the blood.
 Demogrgan (Monster)-I shoot the lights out..Whoa, just another lonely night...None of who you get it, ain't nobody cold as this.A zombie (will ref) with no conscience .Everybody knows I'm a motherfucking monster. Everybody wanna know what my Achilles' heel is? Love I don't get enough of it.
84 notes · View notes