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munamania · 3 months

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ok um i am going to vent on something as someone with an outside perspective and people are going to be normal about that right. okay lol. im sick of hearing about taylor swift <3 as compared to a few years ago even she is like... suffocating. and i feel like we never advance this conversation because on one hand we have people who swing into full misogyny when talking about her, and on the other we have people who won't admit that she blatantly uses feminism to deflect from her problematic behaviors, or at least they won't like, do anything about it, and in this way she sort of ends up misleading a lot of young girls into like. girlboss liberal white feminism. im not saying shes a supervillain for it but you can't deny the ramifications of what she does and doesn't speak up about, just given the absolutely massive platform she has. she is the biggest pop star in the world

for the record, i don't expect taylor to be like. a normal person. she was very famous from a very young age and people aren't normal about teen/adolescent stars, especially when they're girls and women. she had her personal drama aired out in front of the world, had so much misogynistic dialogue surrounding her, from demeaning her success to interrogating her dating life (and never holding the pedos who preyed on her at a young age to any sort of standard!) and for many years people weren't very critical of that. it was normalized to be trashing this young girl's name and saying vile shit about her to like the entire nation and i dont blame her for being like, a little off after that. and yeah i also don’t think we should look to celebrities as our end all be all of activism and opinions on sociopolitical issues

but we've gone full swing into like. she is so famous and so big that her actions can be harmful and she does these things anyway because she doesn't expect her fanbase to hold her accountable, lest they be acting like the very sexists who tried to ruin her career. at least i imagine that's what the thought process is like, at least at some level, but at this point it's just like. this woman makes so much money. so much money it's ridiculous. idk how y'all fathomed paying so much for concert tickets but like i'll give props that they at least seemed to have some insane production/theatrics... so like alright. there's that.

but she is reselling the same songs. sometimes that don't sound that good. and making more money off that. yes yes to 'officially own them' and whatever. and releasing vault tracks and other versions of albums with different songs on them. but never all the same bc u need to collect them all. and the thing is some of them are like kinda bad. but you listen to them anyway because we live in a time of overconsumption/consumerism in late capitalism and it's like trendy and fun to be able to tell what song of hers is playing in the first millisecond. sorry or just your personal attachment to her. and don't say it's embarrassing to be a taylor swift fan these days she's like. so huge. and some of you equate embarrassment with having to hear criticism toward her. which might not be as common if swifties idk stepped it up and actually expected something from her?

which i guess is getting me to my main point here. can you imagine like. what would happen if taylor swift actually said anything about palestine? or anything of value in the world right now? no one's asking her to be a fucking scholar on it but genuinely sorry there’s like a genocide. several. the most documented real time genocide of our time i don’t care if it makes you upset that people expect something from her. she is time's person of the year. she has everyone from young girls to lesbians to gay men to bored football wives to dads to well fucking etc you get the point tuned in. she has dabbled in so many different spaces done so many collaborations aligned herself with so many entities who can keep up? if she, as massive as she is right now, posted something as simple as 'free palestine' or called for a ceasefire, can you imagine what would happen? i can’t help but think about it when day in and day out my feed is filled with screaming people being pulled from rubble or having their limbs amputated.

but she won't, because, quite frankly, what does she have to gain from it? she’s teaming up with the nfl right now to make some more money, she's gotta have at least like 4 new albums recorded in the last two years and at least um what three more that you're expecting? and she doesn't even have to like? write new music really? (edit: oh boy!) why the fuck would she be doing anything with her time other than poisoning the planet with jet fuel to visit her pr boyfriend?

taylor swift is never gonna be punk or what the hell ever beyond like a white liberal-at-best moderate woman. but if any of you could talk to each other and talk about, like, organizing in ways that it would be impossible for her to continue to ignore these situations, and just keep playing her tour FILM (how could i forget) in israel and etc, like if you could flood her socials or do a mass movement (and it would be massive given the sheer amount of peoples' top artists she's in) of not listening/buying/interacting with her stuff, until her agents and whatever had to make some sort of statement? like that's the only chance we've got with her

i'm not saying don’t be her fan, or listen to her music, or have an attachment, etc, but she's been around enough vile, anti-feminist, racist things this past year that y'all DO need to hold her accountable. like way more than you do. or it's going to be like really difficult to. tolerate it. haha. like you SHOULD be vocally and loudly disapproving of her actions when it causes a lot of damage overall. speaking up about her insane climate irresponsibility when we're having the hottest years on record is not the same as the people who felt the need to like pick apart her dating life on the news. but can we talk about how she's officially like. circled back and now is purposefully making news about her dating life? for her personal gain and that of the fucking nfl? lol. in a way it is funny for her to ‘take that power back’ in a way, of her image, and i think that’s how some people might view it, but like on the other hand she obviously is gaining a lot from this. you know. a lot of actual money. she is going to profit off this image of her being misunderstood etc for as long as u guys allow it and well i just think that has run its course. yk

continuing into 2024 (edit: and now with the release of a new album!) i don't want to see swifties automatically exonerating themselves from difficult conversations because like they feel like their fave has faced enough unwarranted criticism. or bc other people should also be criticized. much of it is warranted! and you guys need to grow up and be able to talk about it and stop painting taylor swift's face as like the Pinnacle of feminism. she doesn't and shouldn't have to be, and she isn't, and she should in fact be held accountable when she does really fucking shitty things on account of they're shitty! i don't care that she's a woman! it's like that meme of oh yay a woman democrat sent these missiles. oh yay a woman is massively damaging the planet and proudly dated a violent misogynistic racist, and faced minimum criticism for these things over and over because your only comeback is ‘well what about’ if a man did the same thing, etc, you refuse to just look at the situation we do have. yes we should. we should do that we should hold men accountable but you can also like not accept awful fucking behavior from your faves when you have a chance. do you think that’s helping feminism genuinely. use your voice use your power (your money) to like. do something for once. i cannot keep living in the taylor swift echo chamber.

and for the record. i like enjoyed taylor like back when i was a young girl and she had a few songs on the radio, and i honestly even had a moment where i used guys' opinions on her as a first step to navigate who i felt safe around in a very hypermasculine sexist college space. because yes. some people do need feminism 101 and some people's genuinely misogynistic rage will be demonstrated in their hatred of taylor and her success. but at some point we gotta move on from that. if some people will look at the most powerful woman in the world, who has enough money to stay away from them and an extremely massive loyal fanbase watching and supporting her every move - if some men take out their hatred on her, a powerful white woman, how do you think they view and treat women who are not white, thin, "conventionally"/eurocentrically attractive, or accessible to cis/het audiences?

anyway i hope that i can bring a conversation to the swiftieverse cause i honestly believe u guys could have comparable impact to like. bts stans. maybe. if you put your minds together for a good cause. and we don’t have to do the oppression olympics or whataboutisms or WHATEVER for forever. can we please move the conversation forward does anyone else feel insane with like where we’re at

on that note, i really do think now is the perfect moment for you to disrupt shit with your voices and demand better from her. it might not save the world, but it could make a huge difference in changing peoples' minds

okay um. thanks 👍

tldr i can’t do another year of swiftie discourse i just can’t please if there is a god out there help us

#abby talks #well here’s a draft that i guess is relevant #taylor swift #swifties #swiftie #midnights #1989 #folklore #evermore #taylor’s version #travis kelce #long post #ok swiftie mutuals u better have my back here 😇👍

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rinasunny · 9 months

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The Lavatory scene in Red Eye's final shooting script and the movie

One of my previous posts was about how much the first script draft of Red Eye differed from the final product. The draft discussed in this post is more or less final. This draft has all the changes made after Rachel and Cillian were cast as leads and after the test screenings. But there are still some features which didn't make the cut into the final product. I'm not gonna analyse the whole script here, but shippers' favorite scene - the lavatory scene. Yeah, you can always rely on this scene to bring some juicy stuff.

SPOILERS AHEAD

Okay let's start from the moment Lisa enters the bathroom alone.

Frankly speaking, for now, I prefer the movie version. Especially the line "Okay, get up" instead of "Oh my God..." Wes Craven said in the DVD commentary about this moment:

This was tricky, between making her totally collapse, but not have her totally pathetic. And she very quickly gets herself under control.

Next, there is an interesting description of Rippner:

Also, the message on the mirror was meant to be revealed slightly earlier, but whatever.

I'm not sure about Rippner's lines here, because half of it is barely audible in the film. Also quite ironic that the underlined part is not in the movie at all.

Okay, now really important stuff starts kicking in. Rippner practically spills out the fact that he is ATTRACTED to Lisa right at her face. The script makes it clear, that she now knows this and tries to use his attraction (and his regret) to persuade him to give up on Keefe assassination plan. Funny enough, she almost succeeds until he notices her scar. Personally, I think "You're beautiful..." line (and hair brushing) should have stayed in the final cut. Not only for the sake of the ship, but for the fact that without it Lisa's "You don't have to do this" sounds really naive.

Some of you may argue that this is all relevant for the movie, they just made it more subtle. Well, Movie-Lisa's best guess that Movie-Rippner might be attracted to her is the way Cillian looks at Rachel. On one hand many people point out that they do have chemistry and sexual tension, on the other the movie on its own leaves watchers to wonder whether the characters had any romantic feelings towards each other or not. And I probably stumbled upon a comment on YouTube, which interpreted the "You don't have to do this" line more as "You're so pretty, why do you have to be evil?" (or something along these lines)

Also I think that clarification would make Lisa a more nuanced character (by the fact that she tries to manipulate a villain into giving up on his villainy).

Also, as you may have noticed, the scar was meant to be on her neck, makes sence, given her backstory (He held a knife to my throat). I guess they moved it down just so Rippner wouldn't notice it earlier (though the script also mentions, that Lisa was meant to wear a sweater). I, personally, on the back of my horny mind, think he wasn't looking for scar when he gazed on her breast ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

A little note: Script-Lisa looks away saying "No" while Rachel looks straight into his eyes, but starts trembling instead.

By the way, Rippner wasn't meant to slam and choke her just yet.

I guess he just let her out to wipe out the messege. Here Lisa gives up on conving him.

Only after he finished wiping he starts to choke her. Also, pay CLOSE ATTENTION on what Rippner's lips do here ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°). Yep, he almost kisses her.

I guess the changes movie made here were for the sake of pacing.

Another important difference: Rippner fixes both their outlooks to be more presentable. Lisa protests a bit.

I guess the movie crew decided they don't need to fix their look that much.

Also, I prefer the movie's "Peachy" instead of just "Good", though both lines are in the movie lol.

On the final note, I guess "Thanks for the quickie" line makes a bit more sence given we have Rippner's crawling lips there ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

So, these were the differences of the lavatory scene between the script and the movie. Hope you had as much shipping excitement as I did.

P.S: The link to the script. If you're a fan I strongly suggest to download it, it may easily become a lost media, like an earlier draft.

#red eye #red eye 2005 #jackson x lisa #jackson rippner #lisa reisert #cillian murphy #rachel mcadams #wes craven #carl ellsworth

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annabelle--cane · 3 months

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okay. round up of lingering protocol thoughts/predictions before the patreon early release tomorrow and the wide release on thursday. I did listen to the pilot draft back in october, but the following takes are only about publicly available information, I'll save anything else for later this week.

the title. "the magnus archives" wasn't just the main location of the original show, it was integral for the framing device of every episode and the meat of the protagonist's journey. if this title functions at all similarly, then "the magnus protocol" means, well, the protocol to follow in the event of "magnus." this implies to me that a main force behind the plot is going to be the OIAR responding to Something that happens with their world's burnt down magnus institute, and that following set rules and codes will be a major theme. less passive observation and cataloging, more the unstoppable force of bureaucracy.

same vibes for "vigilo. audio. opperior." (I watch. I listen. I wait.) vs "non vacillabimus" (we will not falter). to me, a promise not to falter implies steadfast action in the face of resistance as opposed to passive absorption of experiences.

I am still pulling for agnes relevance. lowri ann davies playing celia ripley, "celia" being the name her archives character chose after losing her memory, that character's strange interaction with a fire ghost woman. if we presume this is the same universe as the one the statement giver came from in mag 114, the tree at hilltop road was still standing when she crossed over, implying agnes was still alive over there as of 2009. jonny's comments in q&as about wishing he has done a little bit more with agnes. it could happen.

I. I've been sitting here trying to figure out a take for what's up with gwendolyn bouchard because her connection to elias obviously has to be relevant somehow, but I've got nothing. archives verse elias was meant to be middle aged (at least in body) by the time of the show and my guess is that gwen's in her 20s so she might be a younger sister? a cousin? theoretically possible that she could be a daughter but the idea of elias raising children in either his original or jonah forms makes my brain return a 404 error. don't like that.

bonzo

#tmagp #marina marvels at life

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tamelee · 2 months

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I love the way you write, you're so articulate, I wish I could write like that 😭 I'm guessing you get good grades in school? Do you have advice on how to write articulately and clearly while also sounding professional? Like in essay writing?

Huuuu, that’s very kind of you 🥹;-; I’d never imagine anyone saying that to me… ever.

Well, my grades are good, I have my last exams soon ^^

I do have a few tips! Or rather, there are things I’m still currently learning that may be helpful to you as well📝:

(Sentence) Structure: I read a book called ‘elements of style’ by William Strunk (revised edition) recently and I learned that no matter how grammatically correct your sentences are, there are still ways to improve its structure. (I had to learn it all over again in English -.-) This is a big topic so I'll name a few specifics you can dive into.

Learn the difference between active and passive voice (passive isn’t bad and sometimes necessary, but active is almost always preferred). Don’t mind all this on your first draft though. It’ll only hinder you.

Study MRU (motivation-reaction units), often used in Fiction writing, but it helped me for essays as well. It is the logical pattern of cause and effect introduced by Dwight V. Swain and I read about it in 'techniques of the selling writer'. Here's an article on the topic as well.

Mind paragraphs. There are different rules for this depending on what you’re writing, but it helps its readability. For Essays especially it’s always good to keep topics separate and lead the reader to your conclusion in a way that makes sense. (It's sorta like holding their hand and going like "because of this... there is this... and therefore... and so.... that's why....") This may need some reorganizing of your premises/subjects at times. I especially need to organize my thoughts before I even start writing.

Understand what it is that you need to write about and delete everything that isn’t relevant. If you’re like me and you get a ton of new ideas once you delve into a subject, then it’s good to keep a folder (or something similar) for these new ideas. Often these are entire topics on its own and including these into another will only make both unclear and your conclusion muddy. So, ask yourself whether it strengthens your point, or if it’ll make it more confusing. If it won’t make a difference then delete it anyway or save it in your folder for later.

I always learned that objectivity is important in order to sound professional, though it depends on the kind of essay you’re writing. If you need to convince the reader of something then transparency about your own opinions can help your conclusion be more honest, but be careful of sounding preachy as well. I had to learn all these things when I still studied marketing/communication in entertainment, but it often makes me feel slimy because it’s all very manipulative. (Hence, I quit that path.) It's in fiction as well. Some authors let their own views bleed through their characters in such a way it becomes uncomfortable because it doesn’t argue for the story nor adds to the character— it attacks the reader’s personal morals which possibly gives them an ass-spanking while they’re at it which just really isn’t necessary. Emotional language is fine I think. Sometimes I got compliments from teachers especially because I didn't sound too professional, it requires a bit of knowledge when you can get away with it probably. Just make sure you can back up your arguments/statements and possibly add different views as well. In a way it's more about the confidence in which you present an idea than sounding professional and not being able to understand all the 'why's' I believe.

This one isn't that relevant for school-essays, but sometimes when writing one the question isn't clear. It helps both you and the reader to reformulate it in the beginning. Essays as well as stories are often nothing more than a problem you need to give an answer to. Even if there's no question, it helps to make one anyway so you don't wander off endlessly and drown in a sea of possible subjects you could write about.

Something that may help you as well— I created a roadmap for myself and the different types of things I have to write. That way I always know what to do first and it helps me structure both the essay and my process as I can get easily distracted otherwise. Making more decisions than necessary makes me freeze up, but with a roadmap I don’t have to do either.

Uuh, I've probably picked up on tons of helpful things lately, but I think these are great to start with. I hope they are helpful to you.

I always wanted to (story-)write, but gave up on it and decided to learn how to draw instead. Then, I sort of realized that I was being an idiot, because that desire never left and I had to write other things anyway— like this for example, and simply accepting the fact that no one can understand the load of incomprehensible rubbish I wrote, just wouldn’t do. You can check my older posts… it’s awful. If I ever intentionally want to give myself another headache, I’ll go and read those.

It’s definitely not perfect now, but hopefully I improved though. I think so. Sometimes I still get scolded as I tend to ping-pong between thoughts suddenly and I can hardly tell the difference between BrE/AmE. (As I grew up I learned English mostly through a sort-of-aunt figure from Canada that always forced me to watch British tv with her.) But, the past few months I especially had to write many essays and (argumentative) case studies so I decided to learn and become better in writing. If that translated back to Tumblr then I'm happy and you’ve made my day ><

#asktamelee #talk about writing #essay writing

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acertainmoshke · 1 year

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Let's Talk About Notion

So, I use Notion for plenty of non-writing things to keep myself organized, but the main thing I use it for is writing. And I love it because it can be simple--just pages nested within pages and including lists or paragraphs--or as complex as you need. The template I use for keeping track of my novels I did pay $20 for, but that was to the random person who put in all the time and effort and not to the company. There are free templates and if you put in the time to figure it out, you can make the complex ones yourself. And I do have a side page to just add pages for random ideas and not clutter my official system.

Anyway.

This is the front page of my favorite Notion template ever, WIP. I can add as many projects as I'm working on, complete with cover pages (which I use just to be thematic but if I had actual covers I could upload those too) and summaries, but those aren't the practical parts. Based on the word count goal I entered, it tells me how close I am, as well as calculating how many book pages each takes up and how long it would take to read.

There are also tabs for concept stories that I'm still planning and don't want to count towards my word count goal yet, and archived ones that I'm putting on hold.

under the projects section, still on the front page, I have word count cards where I can enter my daily word count and it automatically updates the goal based on the end word count goal for all active projects and the date I said I wanted to finish each.

If I open one of my projects, it gives me all this info in what is technically the header. I entered the summary, genre, dates, and goals, but it calculated the rest.

That page includes chapters, which I can put in different stages of development, name, and move around; characters to keep track of, which I can attach to relevant chapters, and tasks I don't really use but they work as a checklist. That may be more useful when I'm in the 3rd draft and editing.

Below all of that there's also a storyboard. I don't use it for TDATS and I don't really want to share the one I do use regularly, but basically they're pages attached to various chapters and you can use them as scenes or events to plot out the story, move things around, and get an idea of what's happening before writing.

I prefer to write my actual stories in Word, but I could write them here directly in the chapters. There's also a spot to include specific words used or introduced in a chapter. Most of what I use these for is keeping track of word count, because you have to add them to the chapters for them to be added together into the project total. But it calculating how long it takes to read each chapter is certainly fun.

Anyway, you should definitely use Notion--there are other writing templates if you want something free or just different, and you don't have to use templates at all, but as a chaotic neurodivergent author, this has seriously helped my organization and planning.

The website is notion.so and there's desktop and mobile apps and the service itself is free. I guess there is a pro version but I think that's only useful if you're trying to use it as a team for work.

#moshke writes #writeblr #notion

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minecraftbookshelf · 8 months

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How To Become the Emperor of Gilded Helianthia

So this is technically an answer to an ask, however I had that mostly written, saved it as a draft because I had to step away for RL, came back and it has vanished. Completely. Tumblr ate it I guess. I believe the asker in question was @whoevenknowswhatshappening but if I'm wrong just let me know.

And yes! The Fisher King comparison is pretty accurate, though I somehow hadn't made that connection.

Popping the usual copy+paste context here really quick...

Also a general note relevant to the succession criteria of the majority of the empires. Remember this whole thing, where Pix kind of accidentally changed the formal definition of war in the empires? That had a lot of implications for how royalty functioned in the Empires. While they still absolutely have internal duties and responsibilities and privileges, ultimately their most important job is that they stand ready to defend their empire and its people at all times. Part of this is that they also function as international ambassadors in a way, while most empires also have official ambassadors, the relationships and interactions between the emperors themselves are a very important (sometimes volatile) facet of international relations. A country cannot be recognized internationally as an autonomous nation without an official Emperor/Head of State.

And onward!

...again

Gilded Helianthia is actually the only one of the mortal realms that has no kind of bloodline element to their succession (other than the Crystal Cliffs, but they have enough of a fae population that they don't quite count as a mortal realm)

Even the Grimlands narrows their selection criteria down to a select few families.

Helianthia's internal government is primarily local, its less a unified empire and more an alliance of city states (if "city" means "village surrounded by impressive swaths of farmland") and all of the day to day governance is done there. The closest they have to an overarching governance is the Caretakers, who maintain the Heart of Helianthia, and preside over the passing of the crown from one emperor to the next.

The Emperor of Helianthia has exactly two duties. Border defense/war, and keeping the Heart. Helianthian emperors are tied directly to the land, and their well-being and the land's are twined together. (For this reason, they have a minimum of three possible successors to the crown on deck at all times, in case the Emperor falls in battle or is otherwise rendered unable to support the land.)

Most Helianthian emperors pass their crown along when they hit late middle-age, in order to ensure a smooth transition and healthy land. The criteria for choosing successors is primarily combat based. Most villages in the country send at least one promising young person to the nearest arena for training. The arena masters take it from there, choosing the candidates they consider the most appropriate. The Caretakers (and the reigning emperor) often tour the arenas and monitor the trainees.

The arena masters screen on physical and martial prowess, and the Caretakers screen on personality and, for lack of a better term, aura. Magically binding someone to an entire land is no small thing, and the person in question has to be able to support it, emotionally, physically, and magically. Ultimately, the Heart itself has the final say, and it is not unusual for it to reject several candidates before binding itself to one.

Pearl herself was from a border settlement a stones throw away from Mythland. It was less a village and more a collection of a few houses and barns, they primarily cultivated cattle, though Pearl's aunt had some beehives as well. Pearl was not sent to an arena for training so much as she wandered into the one within sight of her home, because she wanted to see what it was like there.

That specific arena was actually shared with The Mythlands, having been built as part of the alliance with them, and the arena master was a retired general from the Mythlandic army.

Her very first fight there, Pearl knocked the crown prince of Mythland on his ass, and in doing so gained both a friend and the attention of several people. (And the rest was history.)

Her candidacy ended in bonding to the Heart right around the same time that the other members of her alliance were crowned as well, and for similar reasons, though the exact circumstances played out differently. (I want to leave some suspense for her backstory fic :) )

AU Masterpost

#rain rambles #ask and it shall be answered #marriage of state au #gilded helianthia #pearlescentmoon #empires smp #empires s1 #whoevenknowswhatshappening #mos: worldbuilding #mos: helianthia #mos: pearl

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mackthecheese · 8 months

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Favorite fictional ship, and reasons?

(Oops I accidentally saved this as a draft instead of posting :/)

Two answers here because one of them is rather bizarre and not well know.

Valerie Gray and Danny Fenton from (you guessed it) Danny Phantom. Canon did Valerie SO DIRTY and I am so upset by that. Danny and Valerie have such an incredibly interesting dynamic with them mutually pining as humans, but Valerie generally HATES Danny as a ghost (she doesn’t know they’re the same person for most of canon). As canon progresses, she becomes more and more willing to collaborate with Phantom and even comes to a sort of understanding with him.

BAM CRASH WOAH HEY CANON WHAT ARE YOU DOING????

They broke up so Danny could get with his ultrarecyclovegetarian goth girlfriend. Maybe I’m biased because I just don’t like Sam as a character, but I really don’t think Danny and Sam work well as an item. Like at all. She’s not even that great of a friend to him, let alone a lover. Canon just tossed Valerie aside for no reason (no story-relevant reason anyway, but given Butch Hartman’s reputation with hating minorities, you can probably safely assume he couldn’t stand having his precious white main character get with a black girl for more than a season).

——————————

Now. Hear me out here when I say DJ Octavio and Cap’n Cuttlefish from Splatoon.

They were definitely lovers (or at least had some mad mutual pining) pre-Great Turf War. They broke up because of the war and now (now meaning during the events of Splatoon 3) they’re dating again. Old gay men. That’s all.

#answering the important questions here #gray ghost #what on earth is the Cuttlefish and Octavio ship tag????#whatever I’ll just tag them seperately #captain cuttlefish #dj octavio #Butch Hartman why are you like this #bitch fartman slander in this house

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dearfuturehusbandblog · 22 days

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ZMAN CHEIRUSEINU aka "I'M the terrible communicator!?!?!?!!"

Dear Future Husband,

I hope nobody ever quizzes me on this blog because there are so many things that I've started and stopped writing that never got posted that I literally never remember what I've actually put here...

Not that that's really fully relevant to what I was thinking about writing now, but I currently have two unfinished posts in my drafts folder (amidst 25 others that will probably never get posted) that are just a recap of this year so far.

Because I'm just a kid and life is a nightmare.

Explaining what's going on right now is kind of problematic because I haven't provided the lengthy backstory yet (which is one of the drafts I have yet to finish...)

Suffice to say, MotherLivelyHeart is being a nightmare to me again.

I think I've shared before that MLH and I share a vehicle? If not... yeah, we share a car. I'll have to look through my posts to see if I've explained that situation before, because that's one more thing to check off the "my life absolutely f*ing sucks" list.

Usually this isn't the worst thing in the world because we operate on different schedules and there isn't much crossover when it comes to who needs the car when, and when there is I usually drop her off somewhere, do what I need to do, and pick her up after.

For the record, I HATE when she offers the opposite because I have a history of being abandoned in places waiting for her to pick me up and it gives me such severe anxiety.

So last week on Sunday I asked MLH what her plans were for the next day. I asked this because I overheard a phone call she received on Friday from the dentist's office about an appointment she had on Monday at noon that she hadn't told me anything about and I knew if I was going to ever find out she was going to take the car, I would have to be the one to ask her. So I asked. And wouldn't you believe it, she had a dentist appointment on Monday at noon! Shocker.

Now, I'd been out of work since the beginning of January (again, details will hopefully be in another post) so I had a lot to take care of at work last Monday and I told her that.

We agreed she would have the car for her appointment and I would take the car to work when she got home.

Come Monday afternoon, suddenly everything has changed.

You see, her boss called in sick and she had the day off because she has a specific job that requires her to work alongside her boss and if he doesn't work, she doesn't work.

So she had the day off. Joy.

Of course, did she tell this to me directly? No.

Did she message me this information? No.

I'm just supposed to approach her and ask, "hey, did your boss call in sick and give you the day off?" I guess.

So she went to her appointment and ran some errands and called me while she was still out. Apparently some specific water bottles she can only get in like two places were available at one store about 20 minutes away from our house and she placed a pickup order so she could get them before they were sold out. The order had to be picked up between like 2:30-3:30pm and she called me at around 1:30.

Great.

She picked a pickup time that was directly during the time I was supposed to be at work.

Which she knew.

Because I told her this literally the day before.

So I told her fine. She should do the pickup order and when she got back I would take the car to work.

"Well, I also wanted to go swimming."

*Deep breath* Ok, what time is swimming?

"From 2-9pm."

At this point I didn't know how long I'd be at work because one of the things I had to take care of could be like 4-6 hours and I didn't know if there would be enough time when I was done to get home and let her get to the pool with enough time to swim before they closed.

"Ok, well why don't you go swimming, do the pickup order, and then I'll take the car to work?"

"Well, I want to come home and eat something first."

Ok. So now, what was supposed to be my time to take the car is going to be "stolen" by her coming home (15 minutes), eating something (15 minutes), going to swim (40 minutes), getting the pickup order (30 minutes), and coming back home (20 minutes).

This is TWO HOURS off of my time.

WHICH I HAD TOLD HER I NEEDED LITERALLY THE DAY BEFORE.

So she came home, ate something, and changed into her bathing suit. She left around 2pm for the pool.

I assumed at this point I'd hear from her around 3:30pm that she was around the corner.

But 3:30 came and went.

4:00pm came and went.

4:30pm came and went.

5:00pm came and BigSis messaged that she would be done at work in an hour and could either of us give her a ride home?

MOTHERF@*$%^#$ER

So it's been three hours without an update from MLH, but then she responds "I should be on my way back from the pickup order then."

EXCUSE ME!?!?!?!

She left for the pool at 2pm. THREE HOURS have gone by and she hasn't even gotten the pickup order that was supposed to be picked up between 2:30-3:30pm!?!?!?!!?!?

But she tells me that I'M a terrible communicator.

I was supposed to get the car by 1:30pm latest. It was now after 5pm and I STILL hadn't gotten to work yet.

As much as I hate when she offers to drop me off at work so she can take care of things that will take a few hours, SHE DIDN'T EVEN ASK ME THAT. She made it seem like I would have the car all afternoon to take care of what I needed to at work. And when her plans shifted, she made it seem like I'd have the car by 3:30pm latest.

And let me remind you THAT I TOLD HER THE DAY BEFORE WHAT MY SCHEDULE WAS SO THAT THIS S*** WOULDN'T HAPPEN.

But I'M the terrible communicator.

At that point I was so frickin annoyed already. MLH messaged me "should I get her or just come home" and I was so peeved I said "just get her because if you come home and I take the car I'm not picking her up."

She didn't respond to that message.

Great.

No thumbs up. No "ok." Just nothing.

Then at 6:12pm I get a message from her "car's downstairs in front."

So no message from BigSis that MLH had picked her up and they were heading home. No "we're around the corner." No nothing except over an hour later "take it."

BUT I'M THE TERRIBLE COMMUNICATOR!?

At that point it was too late for me to do some of the things I needed to take care of for work because, again, I was supposed to have been there FIVE HOURS EARLIER. And a friend messaged and asked if I could go with her to Costco, so I said to hell with it and I went to Costco with her.

While I was at Costco I messaged both MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis about what I was getting so we were all on the same page. Included in that message was eggs because, well, I was getting eggs.

I got home at like 10pm and MotherLivelyHeart and BigSis were already asleep. I made a couple of mini salami kugels with some spinach that oddly floated to the top, waited for them to cool, tried 1/4 of one before sticking them in the fridge.

Next morning I open the fridge and there's a new carton of 1.5 dozen eggs. Because apparently MLH went to the supermarket early in the morning and got eggs because "we were out."

DESPITE ME LITERALLY MESSAGING THE NIGHT BEFORE THAT I WAS BUYING EGGS AT COSTCO.

Oh, but it gets better. Because the salami kugel I had tasted the night before was missing.

BigSis was working from home so I asked her about it and she said she had no clue.

So I asked MotherLivelyHeart about it, thinking maybe it slipped out of the fridge, smashed, and she threw it out.

But no.

Guess who ate it.

Yep, the woman who has been suffering from gout and avoiding meat for the better part of a year.

The woman who saw it in the fridge and said to herself "oh, that's one of the broccoli kugels LivelyHeart made for herself for Shabbos that she said wasn't good. I guess I'll eat that for breakfast without asking her if she really doesn't want it because although she's on a weird diet right now, there's no way she's made a meal plan for herself that includes this food item she made for herself."

Because, did she message me to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Did she knock on my door to ask if she could have it?

Nope.

Halfway through eating it she realized it was salami.

And she still finished the whole thing.

And still at NO POINT did she message me AT ALL to even tell me that she ate it.

I had to find out by inquiring OF HER.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR!?!?!?!

I shouldn't be mad.

It's just food, after all, right?

Except that it's not.

It's a frickin pattern of carelessness and disregard for me as a person.

And I'm so frickin sick of it.

I'm so damn tired.

It wouldn't have killed her to ask.

It wouldn't have killed her to apologize.

And what I haven't really explained here (because again, that's in a draft post) is that I've been on an elimination diet since January 1st which has cut most things from my available food selections.

But is she on an elimination diet?

Nope.

So we have a HOUSEFUL, a PANTRYFUL, and a FRIDGEFUL of food she can eat.

And she chooses the ONE thing I made FOR ME.

Which she KNEW I made for ME.

Instead of the MYRIAD OF THINGS that she can eat that I can't.

Which means that she's not only taken a meal from me, but now I'm at a food deficit from the fridge while she lives in abundance.

BUT. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

So let's leap forward to today.

Today was Shabbos mevorchim. Pesach is in two weeks.

And MotherLivelyHeart decided we are going to change over the kitchen two weeks ahead this year.

So she scheduled her cleaning lady to come tomorrow (Sunday) to help clean the kitchen so it can be turned over.

Did she take into account that this would be motzei Shabbos and that we'd have to make Shabbos and that would involve dirty dishes and use of the stove/oven and pots and pans?

Yeah, no.

Did she take into account that the way she wants to clean the oven requires the oven to be self-cleaned before and after which takes a good several hours and creates so much smoke that we'd have to keep the windows open and also it's like 40F right now and she also wanted to go to sleep early because the cleaning lady is coming at like 8am?

Yeah, no.

BigSis went over the oven cleaning thing with her and she exclaimed "are you kidding me?! Then why am I having the cleaning lady come tomorrow?!"

BECAUSE YOU SCHEDULED HER WITHOUT CONSULTING US.

BECAUSE THERE WAS NO COMMUNICATION.

DO YOU SEE A FRICKIN THEME HERE!?!?!!?

Oh, but there's more. Because there's always more.

Thursday was another nightmare day for various reasons. One of which was that I ran errands with MotherLivelyHeart.

She scheduled an appointment for smackdab in the middle of the time I told her I'd be working.

YES. AGAIN.

And she wanted to drop me off at work and pick me up when I was done.

Well absofrickinlutelynot, thankyouverymuch.

I was supposed to work until 6pm.

I had told customers I would be available until 6pm.

Her appointment was scheduled for 6pm.

So of course "I need the car at 5:30pm."

She wanted to drive me to work earlier so that she could take the car at 5:30pm to her appointment that wouldn't be done until 7pm and then come get me an hour and a half after I was done working.

But I was supposed to trust that she wouldn't run errands or dilly dally around and that she'd actually get me at 7:30pm, which we know is never the case.

So I told her no, I'd be taking the car to work. But I would notify the customers I'd only be there until 5:30pm, at which point I'd get her and drive her to her appointment. Then while she was in her appointment I could do the Shabbos shopping, since it seemed pointless to have to wait for her to come home again before I could go out and shop.

For various reasons, we had three stores we needed to go to, one of which was about 20 minutes in the opposite direction of where her appointment was. I figured I could go there first, then on my way back to get her I could run by the other two stores, get her and then we'd go straight home.

But no.

Because it was raining and people apparently don't know how to drive in the rain. So despite me taking the highway, which should have cut like 10 minutes out of the ride each way, it took me about 30 minutes to get to that first store, which I was in for maybe 10 minutes, and as I was checking out MLH messaged "my appointment is almost over, where are you at?"

So all I had time for was turning around and going straight to get her.

Which, fine, whatever.

One of the stores we went to literally just for chicken.

And it was chicken for her because she wanted a specific type of breaded chicken for Shabbos.

So I figured I'd run into the store and grab it while she stayed in the car.

But no.

Because while I was unbuckling, she was unbuckling. Because she decided to come in.

So she went to look at side salads and I went to the chicken section where I waited but she never showed up.

Then I get a message from her.

"Where are you?"

Excuse me???? WHERE ARE YOU, WOMAN???

I told her I was at the chicken section waiting for her and she said "I already checked out. I'm going back to the car."

WE LITERALLY WENT TO THIS STORE TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

SHE CAME IN WITH ME.

PRESUMABLY TO BUY HER CHICKEN.

But she's checked out already!? WITH WHAT!?

Oh. Apparently something to eat. Because she's hangry.

Which she, OF COURSE, DID NOT TELL ME.

Fine. Whatever.

So I bought her frickin chicken.

And then on the way home she got mad at me about three driving-related things that were out of my control (like the car started making a weird noise that might be the muffler, and there was a huge pothole I couldn't avoid, and I was coming to a stop at an intersection when some lady rounded the corner quickly and we barely missed colliding...) which resulted in her yelling at me that she hates the way I'm driving.

So, yeah, that was a fun ride home.

*EYEROLL*

Anyway, on the way to her appointment she said "we never worked out a Shabbos menu."

I told her the same thing I've told her almost every week over the last three months: I'm eating differently from you guys, so you just tell me what you want and I'll grab it from the store, because I already have set aside what I'm going to eat.

And she tells me "my boss has off tomorrow, so I can cook."

Which is perfectly fine in my eyes because I'm still recovering from an injury (again, that's one of the drafted posts...) and I also had a horrendous cold for the previous two weeks so I'm still trying to get back to baseline. Any pressure off me is appreciated.

We basically worked out that for shabbos we'd do a big soup for Friday night (which I would make), then she wanted chicken (obvs) and I had bought green beans at Costco I told her she could have, and then Shabbos lunch would be fish and salady stuff.

Well, Friday rolls around.

The day already sucked because I tried adding some vegetables back into my diet during the week that are apparently problematic for my digestion. Fun.

But then MotherLivelyHeart decides to stick to her arbitrary Pesach cleaning schedule which says to clean the milchig dishes she's had piling up all week. So of course she decides to do this at like noon and doesn't finish the job and there are still milchig dishes in the sink at 3pm when I need to go in and make the soup.

Add onto that, one of my "chores" is the pareve dishes, some of which have been piling up too and also need to be done, which she feels the need to remind me of, despite her milchig dishes still filling the sink.

So I go in around 3pm and just start cooking, using the small bit of counter space that's available to me.

She decides that's the perfect time to finish the milchig dishes.

FINE. WHATEVER.

She gets them out of the way and reminds me YET AGAIN about the pareve dishes.

FINEWHATEVER.

So around 4pm I'm back in the kitchen, doing the pareve dishes, of which I only got about half done because it was causing pain and I still had to cook.

So I pivoted and did the soup.

But nothing else had been cooked yet.

So I made the green beans.

And I had to separate the soups so I could add things to theirs that I can't eat.

At this point I'm still annoyed from her the day before, my insides are so unhappy with the newly tested foods, I'm in pain from the injury, and I'm trying to cook for Shabbos.

Around 6pm I asked BigSis if she could help with the chicken. She was like "I STILL HAVE TO SHOWER!!!" As though she didn't have all day for that and somehow me needing help is my fault. She said "if you had asked me like three hours ago I could have done it."

Except that three hours ago, the milchig dishes were still filling up the sink, so.... what exactly do you expect from me!?

Sometime a little earlier when MotherLivelyHeart had been in the kitchen it was clear I wasn't doing so well and she asked what was wrong and I described the pain and she was like "I'm sorry" and then disappeared.

So then she gets a "20 minutes to candle lighting" alarm on her phone, and she's been trying to light early in zchus of the hostages and chayalim, so she calls out "20 minutes to licht benchen." Which I responded to but she didn't hear, obviously, because she yelled again "LivelyHeart, did you hear me!?"

To which I responded an annoyed "YES!!" and she was like "you don't have to talk to me that way! I clearly didn't hear you. And BigSis and I can make Shabbos on our own, you know."

Which, MYGODWOMAN. YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO.

My responsibility based on our conversation was the soup.

ZE HU.

SHE was supposed to do the chicken and the green beans and whatever else they wanted.

So now she's annoyed at me because I'm annoyed at her for not doing the thing she was supposed to do, but I'M the one in the wrong.

FINE. Whatever.

In the end I didn't do the chicken.

I literally didn't have the strength for it, let alone the energy.

Not that it was really missed at the meal, but she was a bit annoyed and gave me that same "BigSis and I can cook for Shabbos on our own, you know." To which I responded "You said you were going to cook." I literally don't even remember what her response was.

Well, fast forward through Shabbos to tonight because I asked her if she wanted the chicken for melava malka or if we should stick it in the freezer for a week since it's KFP.

She wanted it for melava malka.

Which, fine, whatever.

I told her if she could bread it, I would cook it.

She got gloves, she got bowls, she got the chicken, and she got eggs.

She did not get the other ingredients she needed for the breading. Or a plate to put it on. Or a fork.

She sat down at the table and then asked me to get the other ingredients.

Which, fine. Whatever.

I got an interesting piece of mail that I'll discuss in another post when I know more what's going on with it, but it basically called my attention to research something. So I was on my computer off to the side while she was breading the chicken.

The next thing I know, she's frying the chicken.

I went into the kitchen and asked her why she was frying it when I told her I would do it for her since cooking usually exhausts her, and she got all frustrated and exasperated at me and said something like "I DON'T HAVE ALL NIGHT TO WAIT FOR YOU."

And I was like, "what are you talking about!? I was waiting for you to finish breading it! you didn't tell me you were done!"

Which just pissed her off more.

BECAUSE. I'M. THE. TERRIBLE. COMMUNICATOR.

But this is the time of year we celebrate freedom, right?

This is the time of year we thank Hashem for rescuing us from a horrible situation.

Well, where's mine?

We're supposed to celebrate every year as though WE ALL left Mitzrayim.

As though we were ALL saved.

But I am not saved.

I have never been saved.

The stupidity I've just described above is just a piece of the insane patterning of my entire life.

I have no escape from this nonsense.

And I'm just so done with all of it.

I want it all to be over.

I want it all to go away.

Where's my freedom?

Where's my salvation?

I really have to finish those other two drafts, because this isn't even the clearest picture of what I've been dealing with since 2024 started. It's barely April and I just want this secular year to be over.

There are a couple of people who have suggested guys to me over the last several months and, although they're not really what I'm looking for, right now I just don't have the emotional energy for a new relationship. I'm just so burned out from this one that I deal with every frickin day of my stupid life, which of course I can't even tell these people.

So... dear future husband, I hope you can hang in there, because I don't know when I'll be ready for you.

But maybe by then I'll be a good communicator.

-LivelyHeart

And now for the story after the story:

So, after that disaster of a drive back from the store on Thursday night, we got home around 8:30pm and although she got something small to eat from that second supermarket I knew that MotherLivelyHeart hadn't eaten anything since lunch so when I made dinner for myself I made a second bowl for her. I brought it to her and she said "oh... you didn't have to do that." Not a lot of enthusiasm there.

She didn't eat it for about a half an hour, by which time it was probably cold, and the next thing I knew, she was in bed going to sleep without another word about how it was.

Now, I don't demand praise or feedback for anything I cook, but she usually makes a comment about whatever I make, so I found it odd that she was silent on the matter.

On Friday I went to ask her about something else and while I was talking to her I asked how her dinner was the night before and she said something along the lines of, "it was... interesting. ground chicken just doesn't cook well, it's not your fault. you prepared it well, it's just not that good. ground turkey is better."

No "thank you," no "it was sweet of you to think of me," no "I appreciate the effort especially considering that you're working through the pain right now."

Just meh.

I love when I'm appreciated.

#jumblr #frumblr #shidduch #frum #jewish dating #orthodox #shadchanim #shidduchim #jewish #shadchan #shidduch dating #dating #jewishdating #i am the shidduch crisis

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gffa · 1 year

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Sorry in advance if this is an incoherent ramble, but I have Thoughts about the Jedi and emotional regulation I want to share with you, if it's okay.

So I have ADHD and pretty strong emotional disregulation that I really, really struggle with. In my late teens/early twenties I was convinced that my emotions, all of them, were inherently destructive and harmful to others because of how intense they are.

My favorite Star Wars character is Anakin and I think you can guess why 😅. I don't really like admitting it but I understand him and relate to him sooo much.

Okay here's the relevant part: I love the Jedi Order's teachings about mindfulness and emotional control. So often I do feel ruled by my emotions! I can so easily see how embracing that leads to the dark side, and I know that staying in the light really is a constant battle against one's own darkness because I've done that! Without the psychic/telekinetic powers, obviously, but honestly it's a good thing I can't accidentally fling objects around the room if I get upset. I've often wished the Jedi Order was real and I could be part of it just so I could learn to better control my emotions.

It's why I just don't get the argument that Jedi "repress" their emotions. Where does that even come from? They have such sensible responses to such stressful situations. And unbridled unregulated emotion is NOT a good thing, as I know far too well. The Sith don't practice "emotional freedom" or whatever those people call it. With my disregulation problems I'm not "free," I'm even more shackled by it. I hate it and I want to control it- which is what the Jedi practice.

Anyway, just wanted to share my point of view on that whole debate. I also just want to say thanks for running this blog! I adore your meta posts and I love your unending Jedi positivity. You're definitely my favorite Star Wars blog. You're so good at articulating analyses that I can see for myself in the text but am terrible at putting into words lol. I'm sorry that your popularity attracts so many people who want to argue with you or be nasty. I hope you know how happy you make us fellow Jedi-supporters. 😊

Hi! This ask was from before today’s discussion on the Force and emotions (here and here), so it’s good timing to come across it in my drafts again! You and I are in a similar boat--I relate to Anakin the most, too. And I had a lot of years in my life without a solid grasp on my emotions, where my anger was entirely justifiable, but it was absolute misery and cost me a lot of time and relationships with people. In the moment, it felt good to lash out with that anger, but I was consumed by it, that’s all I was so much of the time, and it really, really was not good to let my emotions run rampant that way. So, I understand and I’m sorry that you’ve gone through that and I’m glad you seem like you’re in a better place now. While the Jedi may not be real, thankfully a lot of the same ideas totally are, like Buddhism is real, different kinds of therapy techniques are real, we absolutely can learn to regulate our emotions, even if it’s really hard. You could probably even do a Google search for “how to learn to regulate my emotions” and find some good starting places! I can’t speak for any part of fandom, especially one I’m not part of, but I suspect that a lot of the “Jedi repress emotions” thing comes from a conflict of how mainstream media almost always supports the idea that emotions fuel powers, that if you tap into your anger or any other intense emotion, you’ll get a major power-up and you can save the day with it. Think of almost any major display of power in a superhero movie and it’s usually because the character just had an explosion of emotion, right? Because their control on their temper finally snapped or because they suddenly became tunnel-visioned about who they needed to save. It’s everywhere. Star Wars, in contrast, says:

But we’re primed to think emotional regulation is suppression. We’re primed to think that it’s not being true to ourselves, that we’re chaining a part of ourselves up. We’re primed to think that any kind of sacrifice or concession to the greater society is suppression of the self. So, along come the Jedi who say, “Actually, emotional regulation is good. Sometimes you do have to sacrifice things to make the world better, but the selfness love for other people is worth it.” we’re primed to think they’re suppressing themselves and living half-lived lives. But that’s not true for the worldbuilding in Star Wars. Individualism is not king in Star Wars. Selflness and care for others and the willingness to understand that life is impermanent and we have to let go of things are the core themes. And you’re absolutely right--one of Lucas’ themes in Star Wars is, "Most of my movies are about the fact that you're in that little place, it's the little prison in your brain—the door's open but you can't leave. But all you have to do is walk out and say, 'Hey! I'm gonna do this.'” (Sundance Q&A, 2015) and “All of my movies are about one thing. Which is the fact that the only prison you’re in is the prison of your mind. And if you decide to open the door and get out, you can. There’s nothing stopping you.“ (American Voices, 2015) The dark side is a prison in your mind, one you’re trapping yourself into. You’re not free, your emotions are ruling you. They control you because you can’t stop yourself from screaming or lashing out or destroying things in your rage, you can’t stop from saying hurtful things to the people you care about. That’s not freedom, that’s being dragged along in the wake of your own unchecked feelings. It’s a dark pit that you have to decide to climb out of. And the Jedi echo that theme: "You said we would be trapped." "Not by the cave you were but by your mind. Lessons, you have learned. Find courage, you did. Hope, patience. Trust, confidence, and selflessness." --Yoda, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, “The Gathering”

#jedi order #meta

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space-writes · 17 days

Text

wip questions tag

jumping on the excuse to do this from @ceph-the-ghost-writer (post here). it’s been a minute, but I really want to do this for claws honestly, as a little treat~

What was the first part of your WIP that you created?

The characters - Vivien and Rainier are based on the modern AU versions of Vizaeth and Pharaun from my Obsession fic series, so they were the entry point for the story. I guess also wet was kind of a first foray into the story; it’s Viz/Pharaun modern AU fic, but it sort of has the Vibes that later became claws.

If your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?

I’d want it to be a dark cover of a love song, like the Happy Together cover by Filter I have on my wip-playlist. Something that originally is very sweet and loving, turned sinister.

Who are your favourite character(s) and why?

Vivien my beloved <3 <3 <3

He’s the main character, and I just love everything about him. He’s got the most specific worldview I’ve written (aside from Vizaeth) and he’s got very particular ways of seeing and interpreting the world that are so fascinating to me. His dichotomy of victim/villain is so juicy, and his high emotions make his reactions to everything 10x more interesting.

Plus he’s a transmasc nightmare murderboy, which is my favourite, AND he’s a scrubby little punk/goth kid. All around delicious.

What other pieces of media could share a fanbase with your WIP?

NBC Hannibal would have a fun amount of fan crossover, I think. Maybe Interview with the Vampire. claws has a lot of messy queers in it, i think those fandoms would have fun with them.

What has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP?

Getting it drafted without worry too much about realism - resisting the urge to go research instead of write. It’s drafted now, and I have a lot of problems to solve with it now, so that’s the new struggled - fixing all the issues discovery drafting for the first time in over a decade has cause me :p

Are there any animals in your story?

Spiders! Lots and lots of spiders! Which is going to be so much fun to research for accuracy, because I don’t actually enjoy spiders very much in real life. I’m better with them than I used to be, but yeah. This is a very arachnophilic book and I…am not that.

How do your characters get around?

claws is in a modern setting, so they use contemporary transport - cars mostly feature. Rainier has a too-expensive BMW with a vanity plate because he’s That Kind of Asshole.

What parts of your WIP are you working on right now?

Currently it’s marinating, so next steps are: reading/devouring lots of Relevant Media to help with vibes, doing research for areas of the book I just kind hand-waved (some science things, aforementioned spiders, various medical bits and pieces…there’s a lot), and later re-outlining it for a neater first draft out of the messy zero draft I have right now.

What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

the fact that it’s messy queer horror about toxic love. judging by the comments on my wip intro, that’s the thing people seem to like! i do also hope that the characters will captivate readers as much as they’ve captivated me. i’d love for people to be as obsessed with Vivien and Rainier’s fucked-up deal as I am.

claws taglist: @belovedviolence @foxboyclit @coven-archives @noblebs @mjjune @revenantlore @sarandipitywrites @k--havok @asterhaze @verba-writing @indecentpause @bootstrapparadoxed (ask to be +/-) (and stealing from ceph, feel free to count this as a tag as well if you want to talk about your wip!)

no-pressure tagging @winterandwords @mjjune and @viscerawrites

Blank questions beneath the cut

CUT

What was the first part of your WIP that you created?

If your story was a TV show, what would the intro song be?

Who are your favourite character(s) and why?

What other pieces of media could share a fan base with your WIP?

What has been your biggest struggle while writing your WIP?

Are there any animals in your story?

How do your characters get around?

What part of your WIP are you working on right now?

What aspects of your WIP do you think will draw people in?

#writeblr #writing community #wip questions #wip: claws #still rotating this fucked up lil book in my brain

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iamamythologicalcreature · 9 months

Text

Can I be real for a second?

I’ve gone back and forth in my head about whether or not to post about this very real side of me online or not. There’s nothing shameful about being disabled, but I don’t want to be known as my disability, either. I don’t want that to be my identity.

But I’m hoping to post some of my writing tomorrow for Six Sentence Sunday. Post something I’ve written, albeit just a small bit, online where anyone can see it. It will be the first time I’ve done so since the car accident three years ago. And the truth is, the terrible truth is, my writing is what hurts the most.

Stories have always been a part of my life. They have always been my motivation, why I slogged through everything else - my reason for existing. I wrote novels and hoped to publish, and I fell in love with the writing community and made it my home. I volunteered and organized events. I created an extremely successful and fulfilling teen writing club where I taught creative writing. I was in love with stories, and writing them. I have never not been in love with stories.

(Before I was a writer I was an artist. I’m not going to go into that part of my life in detail, but it was just as heavily affected.)

At the beginning of 2020 I was in a car accident. The driver at fault was pulling out of a bar parking lot in the middle of the day. Make of that what you will. The accident he caused left me with more than a few issues, but for this post I’m focusing on the vision impairment.

Because of COVID, I wasn’t able to seek any diagnosis or treatment until June. I didn’t even begin physical therapy until August. Due to a myriad of issues and unfortunate reasons, I couldn’t complete my treatment. That meant a year and a half of work and struggle went down the drain.

This continues to affect me in many ways. Sometimes it’s things that you might expect - I can’t read Tumblr, or books, most days. Some limitations are less obvious, like how I’m afraid to ask questions (e.g. “what kind of car did Fiona drive?”) because the resources to find the answers myself are out there. Why don’t I just google it? Or reference that amazing spreadsheet someone did? Why am I asking other people to do the work for me? Am I just lazy?

People don’t mean to judge (and I’m sure there are plenty who don’t). But my issues aren’t apparent, so they won’t know unless I take the time to explain it. Able-eyed people should be able to find these simple answers. Just look in the book.

So I don’t ask. Or I apologize a lot for asking. Because it’s just too hard to explain why I need such basic help. (And sadly, some people still don’t believe me and treat me as thought I’m making excuses.)

I lost most of my friends simply for being unable to chat online, particularly during lockdown. I kept three people in my life - the three people willing to break with their comfort zones and talk to me on the phone instead of via text or chat. Those people probably saved my life. I know everyone went through isolation issues in 2020. But I went through them unable to even use a computer or read a book.

Since I’m typing this, you can guess that I’ve recovered somewhat, or made some accommodations that help. Yes. I have. Both of those. But I still have more bad days than good. Typing too long, or playing a phone game, surfing Tumblr - anything done for too long can break my eyes and send me back into total isolation for days.

I was a really good writer. I would regularly write 10-20k every weekend, and I wrote well. I wrote great stuff. (Rough drafts are always rough drafts, but I felt good about what I wrote.) I would sink into a character and go for hours.

Here’s the part that’s relevant to me now: I can’t do that anymore. I can’t write for hours, I can’t take the time to slip into character. I’m doing really well if I can pound out a speedy 1k in 30 minutes and have it not break my eyes. (It usually breaks my eyes.)

If you’re a writer, though - or any kind of creative - you know that the need doesn’t just go away.

(I have tried to record notes on my phone, but I just cannot dictate writing fiction. Only my fingers know how to speak well, and in character. And no, I’m not going to learn braille. It would not be helpful.)

So I’m going to try to write. It’s going to suck, because the things I did to write well before are things I can’t do anymore. I will cry. And then I will wait a week or however long it takes for my eyes to chill the fuck out, and I’ll try again.

(I’ve also started treatment again, just this month. I have to start at square one again, which means it will get worse before it gets better. It will take time, and money - lots of both. Like years. But I can’t give up.)

Anyway. This is why I chose the Simon Snow fandom to try again, for the first time in forever. Because that’s the story, and those are the characters, and these are the people. I know it. So. Hi.

#this is real #some real me stuff in between the fun fandom fluff #reality of disability #actually disabled #vision impairment #keep on #carry on #simon snow series #fandom community #open for voice chat cause really...#questions accepted here #gulp here I go posting now

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chaotic-archaeologist · 7 months

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Hey Reid, really random question, but what do you discuss in office hours generally?

For context, I'm a new undergrad student (on a joint English, drama, and creative studies course, I know this isnt your department but it's not too relevant) and we've been sent forms to fill in about what we want to discuss with our personal tutor in our first meeting with them. I have no idea what you're supposed to talk about in these sessions and as the semester's only just started we're not yet doing assessments, coursework or big projects at all. Plus, as a joint honours student I don't know whether I can talk about my other subject well with her or not as she's only from one subject's department.

The only thing I was thinking I could talk about would be the fact that it's become clear already that my passion in the subjects is completely different to everyone else's on my course (there's only about a dozen of us in the classes for one of my departments) and I guess that leaves me a little directionless so maybe something about careers to do with that but I feel like it's such early doors to start discussing careers.

Anyway yeah, as someone who has already been there and who I believe is now doing it too (if wrong, sorry!) do you have any general recommendations of what students can talk about in office hours with their personal tutors or other teachers? Thank you!

Psst, I'm going to tell you a secret: the vast majority of students do not actually come to office hours. Even though they should! It literally cannot hurt! And coming to office hours is a great opportunity to build rapport with your instructor/TA and get academic help! But out of the approximately 300 student's I've had, I've met with maybe 10 of them.

I say this not to be cynical, but to drive home the point that you are winning by just showing up. You don't have to come with a list of perfectly prepared questions—you're a student, and you are, by definition, learning! Do the readings and assignments, and engage with your instructor.

Now, I'm not sure how your program works, and you say tutor rather than TA, so the etiquette might be a little different. A tutor is there to help you academically, while a TA is there to answer some questions, but by and large you are expected to be in charge of your own learning experience.

As a TA, I'm generally happy to meet with students by appointment, but I also really appreciate it when students are able to understand that I am 1) a human being with a finite amount of time and energy, and 2) my job is to support you but not hold your hand. Your section may not be the only one your TA is responsible for, and they also have their own studies to attend to.

Here are some things that are appropriate to ask from your TA:

To look over a paper draft and offer feedback (provided this is something they have offered to do as part of their job)

Request feedback on an assignment after your grade to know what you could do better next time

Schedule a meeting to discuss topics you are struggling with

And some things that are not appropriate to ask your TA:

Questions where the answers can be found on the syllabus (due dates, percentage of grades for certain assignments, the readings for a given week)

When will I get my grade? (See my above point about being only human. If assignments have been turned in, assume your TA is working on getting them back to you, and that they cannot do so immediately. Give it at least two weeks before checking in)

Asking for a particular grade on an assignment

As for your first meeting with your tutor/instructor/TA, I'll reiterate: just show up! Introduce yourself, say hi, and don't feel too much pressure to hit the ground running.

Here are some posts I've made that you might find relevant:

Tips to make your professors love you

Student conduct

Citation how-to

Thank your professors

Take a deep breath. I sense that you might be someone who puts a lot of pressure on themselves to be perfect. Nobody else is expecting that from you. You're learning, and it's okay to be unsure and make mistakes! Trust in yourself to do your best in the moment; that's all you can do.

-Reid

#he speaks #academic advice #office hours

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velvetwyrme · 10 months

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odd problems and arbitrary excuses.

(idle chatter under the cut because it's too long for tags)

does anyone else have this problem? of just... not posting things and then going "well damn!!! time to leave them to rot forever i guess!!" because i have so much art i havent posted here abfncbdmfhfk,, this is only a fraction >>"

(i am asking rhetorically, but if you have any thoughts, id love to hear them lol)

some of it i'm planning on posting soon-ish anyway (or eventually, since they have some plot relevance to FF) but others are just... kinda sitting in my drafts :[

i think some of the drawings have been there for....... uhhh- nearly a YEAR??? FHFKCNFKBFM??? OH. OKAY. I DIDN'T REALISE IT HAD BEEN THAT LONG... that was back when I was still updating EOVD!!!! AUAUIAHH... (also how on earth did i write/post all of EOVD in a MONTH??? HELLO?)

on one hand i really should just bite the bullet and post the art now/soon, but also i kind of want to rework some of the older stuff >:P maybe i'll see if i can redo them in time for EOVD's 1 year anniversary (!?) that could be fun :0?? ... i've got a lot on my plate this july but i think that's something i want to aim for maybe?

anyway!! im scheduling this to post while im hopefully asleep so i can't chicken out of posting this very post!!!!!! LMAO

#chatter

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nabataprophet · 10 months

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so like..........what is sophia

intsys hates consistency and also me, personally

sophia is MY fave specialist little half-dragon dark mage and I get to talk about what kind of dragon i think she is

(contains spoilers for fe6, fe7, and engage (implied))

Case 1: Dragon Tribes in Elibe

In Elibe, we have explicit confirmation that there are Fire Dragons, Ice Dragons, Divine Dragons, and Mage Dragons.....sort of.

“ok sophia uses magic she’s probably a mage dragon then case closed” (EXTREMELY LOUD INCORRECT BUZZER)

Mage dragons in Elibe are not a separate species, but rather a corrupted Divine Dragon. The terminology is a little muddy, because while the kanji is the same as Archanean Mage Dragons, Idunn is specifically referred to as a Demon Dragon in Heroes. Binding Blade still lacks an official English localization, so Heroes is the only official English s-

Just kidding this has been sitting in my drafts for so long that Engage happened. Surprise!

Engage has Roy remark in his DLC bond supports with Zelestia that Mage Dragons do exist in Elibe, though it’s unclear once again if it’s as separate species or not.

Roy: You’re a Mage Dragon, right? Those exist in my world, though I’m not aware of any like you.

[ロイ] ああ、ごめん。セレスティアは魔竜の一族なんだよね。君のような魔竜もいるんだなって思ってたんだ。

I’ve included the Japanese text as well for funsies, but he’s saying more or less the same thing. Either way, he’s clearly talking about Idunn here, and thus more or less soft de-confirming Sophia as a Mage Dragon.

“why”

Otherwise he could’ve been like wrow.....i also know a mage dragon who uses magic like you.........but actually that would’ve made a banger conversation with veyle instead because she actually has access to dark magic. damn. 😩

But I digress.

Case 2: Arcadia

Things get a little dicey here because of the nature of FE7 existing as a prequel that was released after the fact and the two games don’t always agree (god help me).

Jahn: “That is correct. However, the Divine Dragons did not agree with us. They said that that would be defying the laws of nature. As we were discussing how we could persuade the Divine Dragons to help us, they suddenly disappeared.”

-FE6 Ch 24

...

Elder:

“Master Roy… We knew that the girl you sent here was captured by the Dragons. Still, we did not try and rescue her. We feared that our kind would be in danger if we showed ourselves in front of the other Dragons again. But now, I wonder whether my judgment was correct.”

-FE6 Epilogue (True End)

These quotes seem to imply that Arcadia was where the Divine Dragons escaped to, so it stands to reason that the citizens of Arcadia are primarily Divine Dragons, descended from Divine Dragons, or fully human (Hawkeye and Igrene, for example). This especially makes sense when we consider Arcadia is particularly sensitive about not letting Fae’s existence leak to the outside world. The other dragons think the Divine Dragons are gone entirely and Jahn, the last of the full dragons in Elibe (not counting the dragons through the Dragon’s Gate etc etc etc), has no idea Arcadia exists.

So it stands to reason that Arcadia is where the Divine Dragons disappeared to, yes?

HOWEVER.

In this cg of (past, hi Nergal and Athos) Arcadia from FE7, we see two manaketes in their dragon forms.

Ok. So. One of those dragons in the back is a Fire Dragon (you can tell by the distinctive flame plume wings) and the other is...probably an Ice Dragon? It’s hard to tell for certain because the area where the (lack of) wings would be is hidden, but it has those fins on its head.

“limit why is this relevant”

Because it confirms Divine Dragons are not the only ones making up the gene pool of Arcadia! This could’ve been easy!!!!!!! intsys i hate your ass!!!!!

Case 3: Color Coded For Your Convenience

Sometimes Intsys is really nice and color codes dragons by type. Sometimes they just tell you to fucking guess. Depemds.

Jahn is a Fire Dragon. He’s red! Ninian and Nils are Ice Dragons. They’re light blue!

Divine dragons in Elibe are....um....anywhere from bright pink and silver. Sophia is...purple, which I guess puts her somewhere in the middle of that range.

It’s not very conclusive evidence, though, is it?

Back to the drawing board.

Case 4: Hybridization

Engage fully confirms that dragons can hybridize between tribes however if I think too hard about this I want to explode.

Case 4: The Cipher Flashbang

girl huh. can you just. drop that information in cipher. is that allowed?????

You can’t even make the excuse that the skill is referencing Fae or even Idunn because it’s specifically in reference to Sophia cards! HUH??????? ?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??! GIRL WHTA

Verdict

Even putting aside the dubious canon status of information from Cipher, it’s highly likely she’s probably at least part Divine Dragon thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#📚 ooc #📚 hc/meta #//i obviously care more about this than intsys does but its been a while since i allowed myself a rambling meta post haha #fe6 spoilers //#fe7 spoilers //#engage spoilers //#//is this coherent? who knows! onto the dash it goes regardless

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