#what if I told you that I am the problem

[the-bi-space-ace]

I JUST GOT THE CUTEST IDEA FOR A LITTLE FIC AND I NEED TO SCREAM IT’S SO FLUFFY I MIGHT ACTUALLY CRY REAL TEARS

ok that’s all move along

#I am literally so excited to write it?!?!?!! #it is just the batch being cute as hell #and I might actually cry #should I be writing my wip?!?!?? #YES! #do I wanna write fluff instead?!?!? #YES #what if I told you that I am the problem #I am the reason my wip is going unfinished rn #it’s me i’m the problem #what if I told you the batch is adorable and I want to squeeze them so tight #just a big hug #the biggest #the bad batch #crosshair bad batch #tech bad batch #echo bad batch #hunter bad batch #wrecker bad batch #tbb crosshair #tbb tech #tbb echo #bad batch #tbb hunter #tbb wrecker #fanfiction #arc trooper echo #fluff #star wars #also I am so sorry I just disappeared again after I said I wouldn’t 😅

[realbeefman]

stacy is sooo interesting because she's in love with house but knows that they will never ever be able to have a healthy, stable, sane relationship because they're too similar so. she finds house-lite instead and marries him and. essentially moves on with her life! and is successful in this because she's a moderately well-adjusted person!

wilson, in contrast, never manages to escape the inevitable, in spite of his best efforts to find a house-lite of his very own, because he's an absolute fucking freak and ends up glued to house to the bitter. bitter end

#yeah im too sleepy to revise this. UNFILTERED posting wooahh #some may b shocked but i do actually read thru most of my posts several times to make sure i didnt accidentally write mein kampfe 2 #recently ive come to the realization that i am in fact not an incredibly chill person #and that the constant paranoia and fear in which i live my life is actually PROBABLY a symptom of severe anxiety #like damn. ive always known that im pretty prone to depression but ive preetty much always been aware of that #my mom is a chronic depressive so i know the symptoms i know the signs i have a pretty good arsenal of healthy coping mechanisms #UNFORTUNATELY mommy's mental health problems did not help her not abuse me as a child #so i ended up being a terribly anxious kid who was constantly being screamed at and told i was overreacting (because i was. because i had #a severe anxiety problem that was making me react irrationally.) to everything all the time #which is you know. it is VERY difficult to deal with a mental health problem when you arent aware you have a problem! #its incredible how much. better. my life has gotten since i figured this out and started actively trying to work out what triggers it #and being able to like. realize 'oookay. there is an Issue here and it needs to be overcome' #instead of just beating on myself constantly for not being able to do things without feeling sick or getting breathing problems! #anyways. trauma dumping in tags is over now! #house md #hilson #greg house #james wilson #stacy warner

[ovaruling]

maybe a hot take but please don’t have or stop having children if you have an active eating disorder/body dysmorphia (including binge eating, not just restrictive disorders). seriously

thinking you’ll be the exception (because you’re So self-aware, unlike those Other disordered women) and won’t give your dysmorphia/eating disorder to your child is pride before a very slow and terrible fall

it never ever works. you’re never ever immune. i mean, such a huge reason of why there are so many of us now is bc our moms thought the same thing lmfao. didn’t matter how well-intentioned they were. no matter how much they tried to separate Their Problems from Ours. here we fucking are

i know it’s not women’s fault to begin with, but the reality is that those of us affected do incubate, nurture, and pass on the virus in the Current Way of Things

the buck needs to stop here. this isn’t a game. think of all the things your mother probably thought she was expertly hiding from you that you still picked up on and were profoundly affected by in a terrible and formative way. it will happen to you, too. don’t think it won’t.

if you know that you’re not solidly and confidently recovered, you have a responsibility to stop that buck and not actively attempt to create a child who will observe, mimic, internalize, adopt, and inherit your lifelong life-ruining behavior. the selfishness is breathtaking honestly

#eating disorders are one of the most treatment-resistant behavioral issues out there #once they take firm root #this is not quite the same as ‘don’t have children if you’re even a little bit mentally ill’ btw before anyone thinks it is #this is a very specific problem #and it is LEARNED #you cant always protect your child from the outside world influence but you can do something about what your child starts with at home #i am recovered now but i could’ve saved my whole life if my mom hadn’t been dieting when i was 7 #so i started dieting too #bc she was my mom and i did what she did #cuz i was fucking 7 #she never told me what a diet was. i just observed her. #and when she binged EYE binged #i blame her always for my food addiction

[uncanny-tranny]

I think I've cracked why it makes me so irate when customers have this expectation that workers not only offer service to them but to Do It With a Smile.

It's this sense of entitlement that it isn't enough to have a service offered to you, but that it must never remind you why workers might not be chipper.

What people mistake is that this country is built off freedom that makes us All Happy. What they miss is that this country was built on façades and platitudes - the comfort of being shielded from any uncomfortable reality.

#politics #workers rights #kind of adjacent #but i've said it before: if you want chipper workers contribute to something that would ACTUALLY make us chipper #like... so many people think i'm Rude because i CAN'T HAVE A CUSTOMER SERVICE VOICE (nor am i paid enough even if i could) #and frankly... if they are providing the service without A Smile then what is the problem officer? #is the problem that you had to contend with the idea that... maybe they don't WANT to be here and probably have little choice? #is the problem that you contended with the idea that there's something miserable about that place? #is it the uncomfortable reality that people aren't absolutely elated and enthralled to Serve You? #the frustrating part is when somebody tells you that and you KNOW if you told them that at their placs of work they'd also Not Be Happy #and RIGHTFULLY so because (at least in my eyes) it comes across as needlessly entitled and demanding #had somebody ask if i was okay and i contemplated actually being honest (not a Good idea)

[mikoran]

mike being book smart and a nerd but also so oblivious when it comes to human interaction and emotions is so real of him honestly

#mike wheeler #byler #<- target audience #cuz thats a thing i can do right #mike “told you. physics” wheeler and mike “she didnt look fine” wheeler love you #cant read a room to save his life #and hes very embarrassing to watch sometimes #but we love him for that and thats whats important #couldnt catch on that will was going through it all season but can figure out all the problems with the dumbass plan someone just proposed #hes great man #he just like me fr #partially at least #i think im able to catch onto stuff a little too well instead because #paranoia and overthinking #ill notice EVERYTHING and then miss the whole point because i hyperfocused on a detail #so same conclusion in the end anyway #this aint about me why am i still typing

[figofswords]

anybody remember the stephanie brown essay I was working on under a research grant fully last summer? yeah it’s not done yet it super needs to be done and I’ve been avoiding working on it for weeks. someone tell me to just do it already

#the problem is. actually there are several problems #1) I’ve been out of the Batman/dc comics phase for almost a year so I don’t care that much about the topic #2) I am fifteen pages in and have not touched it in months so I’ve completely lost my train of thought #3) I can’t just reread it because I hate first five pages or so and I know I need to change it but I was trying to finish before editing #so now my only solution is I need to open up a new doc and completely restructure the whole thing by splicing together the existing writing #so that I can figure out where the hell im going with this and make sure things fit together better #unfortunately that sounds fucking exhausting #but I told my mentor I would have an update for him by the end of the week and. well. it’s the end of the week #I have to present it in April. I have to write and submit an abstract in March #the school gave me $1500 for this stupid essay and if I don’t have anything to show for myself. #well. I don’t know they can’t take the money BACK but it’s not a good look #and also I would feel bad #I did the research!!! i interviewed comic writers even!!! I just haven’t finished WRITING IT DOWN #and I KNOOOOWW once I get started it’ll be fine once I’m going I’m going #but STARTING is hard because I feel like I have to finish it in one go which makes it so huge and daunting #I’m like. slamming my head into a wall. just write a couple sentences Jess something is better than nothing #just start it you don’t have to finish just START just MAKE the new DOC #I know!!!!! that is what my therapist would say!!!! Jess you’re trying to oneshot it bc of your dumb adhd brain!!!! #stop looking at it like that and making it scarier!!! #but even tho I know that logically I’m still like oh I should put away the dishes o should make bread #I should work on my six different art pieces I should do laundry i should play with the puppy I should go for a walk I sh

[spearxwind]

feeling solidarity these holidays with everyone not allowed to talk about their partner with the family

#for some reason i too am not allowed to bring him up when my dad is present because he gets really uncomfortable about it #and my mom has to come tell me off about it in private bc he wont say the problem directly to me #thunderclap #i understand the problem but what the hell man im almost 27 years old #its extra annoying cause ive been to his house a lot already and i know his parents and have a good relationship with them #but my parents absolutely REFUSE to let him come here because again itd make my dad uncomfortable to have us (checks notes) #living in the same space?? #my GRANDPARENTS have seen my partner more than my parents have #i just think its annoying as hellll holy shit all i did was bring up miguel sleeptalking and say hes woken me up once or twice saying stuff #and my mom told me off on it after like 'dont bring up you being in bed with your guy in front of your dad' HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!! #HUH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HOW AM I SUPPOSE TO INFER THAT AS THE MEANING TO WHAT I SAID... I WAS JUST TELLING A FUNNY ANECDOTE #THAT HAD 100% TO DO WITH THE CONVO WE WERE HAVING (SLEEPWALKING) #ARRGHGGHGHGHGH THIS IS JUST LIKE COSMIC ONLINE REACHING BUT IRL

[mumblesplash]

#honestly i am having. a problem #bc i was gonna draw the mean gills next but i CANNOT fucking think of a pose #that is not them making out with each other #i don't even ship them!!! #it's just that the little Characterization Demon in my brain is convinced that's what they'd do if told to pose for a team photo #so if you vote mean gills you are legally required to put a pose idea in the replies

[xxlovelynovaxx]

Me, a physically disabled (high support needs) neurodivergent (mid to high support needs) person: Hey, my neurodivergence IS extremely disabling in a way that a lot of you say "isn't possible" and also my physical and neurological disabilities often combine in ways that can't be separated and produce symptoms that are new or of added severity for me.

Responses I've gotten from disabled exclusionists (some of whom are also both physically disabled and neurodivergent):

"What drugs are you on, you delusional freak?"

"I've never experienced this and therefore you're a dirty lying physically abled neurodivergent person who just wants to be more disabled and oppressed than you are. My experiences are universal and anyone who has different experiences is a lying liar. No one can ever prove otherwise because my axiom is that anyone who claims otherwise is lying."

"The ableds are at it again."

"Sit down and let the REAL disabled people talk."

"You're never allowed to find similarities between disabilities that are of different types, even ones you have, and if you do you're actually the reason why accessibility is such an issue because conflating them is why ableist doctors don't give us what we need and why society thinks medical gatekeeping is good, actually."

"If you're that suicidal do us all a favor and kill yourself."

This is without even getting into stuff about how disabled labels often apply differently to systems. The big discourse now is "nonverbal" labels for headmates who are permanently, always nonverbal, primarily by people and systems who refuse to view systems as anything but "parts" of a single person. Which is funny to me because ah yes, we have actual studies showing physical disabilities such as allergies can apply only to individual headmates, but gods forbid you apply a neurological label to someone whose brain activity is not only visibly different on scans from yours, but to the extent that it changes your entire shared physical body!

Like here's a novel idea: maybe we could just stop policing how other disabled people talk about their disabilities forever! Maybe we could blame any and all harm done even from the unicorn-rarity "actual fakers/liars" (also don't think I don't see you being ableist against people with actual diagnosed that cause compulsive lying) on the ableists DOING the harm because it's actually perfectly possible for them not to cherrypick our words and listen to the MAJORITY of us!

Maybe, just maybe, we could form a coalition, focus on the REAL enemy (ableist medical professionals and lawmakers) and push for actual change for ALL of us!

#also. I have been called ableist for reclaiming the r slur in a 'so what if I AM unintelligent or otherwise socially/emotionally incapable #specifically BECAUSE it was used against me for YEARS to the point of severe trauma #specifically FOR being a socially inept 'gifted kid' #and yet I've been told telling the truth about my own experiences is 'speaking over people with intellectualdisabilities' #and that I didn't actually experience that and they were actually not insulting me becaude they were only insulting intelligence #and it's like 'a bullet with your name on it aimed at me that hits me isn't making YOU bleed' #the target of a bigoted attack is the person that gets hit by it regardless of if the bigot is wrong about their identity #because get this bigots don't actually stop and apologize if they find out they're 'wrong' about you #because the reason they're attacking you is to enforce normalcy on you and they've sensed you are abnormal #it's like hey maybe actually slur reclamation discourse is bullshit and the basis for reclamation should be 'have you been called this' #and 'listen to people with different disabilities' should never mean 'other people know your own experiences better than you' #because that's precisely the problem causing so much ableism towards neurodivergent people from physically disabled people! #'I'm more disabled and oppressed than you on the disabled hierarchy' #'and therefore I get to define your own experiences and the meaning behind them' #No! That's a fucking problem! And super ableist no matter WHAT your disabilities #'listen to other disabled people' goes both ways #you might actually have to examine your own biases and readjust your viewpoint #because newsflash the ableism you think is unique to YOUR disability? ISN'T. #boo fucking hoo you have to acknowledge other people have been hurt by the same things you have #hyper individualism is a plague. you are not special. we're all fucked under abled hegemony #and yes abled people listen to some of us more - lower support needs and intellectually nondisabled people most #but you cannot just assume based on ONE label or lack of that someone is in the 'listened to' category #ableds don't listen to me regardless of eloquence or w/e because I'm massively crippled and mad and have cognitive disabilities #like if you think I have privilege over you bc I'm 'smart' or w/e. abled people take one look at me being a crippled schizo #and write me off as completely crazy! NO ONE listens to mad people. we are in THE SAME BOAT #anyway this rant is not even at anyone or any particular group because I've noticed it coming from EVERYWHERE in the community #these are just some examples #discourse #tw suibaiting mention #tw delusional as insult mention

[cacturne]

“Carmine is not the worst” and “kieran is not the worst” are statements that can and should co-exist

#Its always either “carmine did nothing wrong kieran is a stupid unhinged brat!” Or “kieran did nothing wrong carmine is literally abusive!!” #No. Theyre not. Neither of them are. Theyre just nd/mentally ill and cope with it badly #Its really not that hard come on #Also as an older sister with a younger brother a lot of the mean dialogue is pretty typical #Obviously that doesnt negate the fact that for kieran it hit him in his issues but he never spoke up about it and kept it to himself #And carmine is pretty dense and a bit in her own head so it makes sense that she wouldnt notice without being directly told #And with her specifically its made clear in dialogue throughout that she does care about her brother #She thinks about how in her mind things might affect him and chooses what she thinks is the option that wont hurt him. Though obviously #shes not the best judge there. But thats understandable she isnt very good at reading people #And kieran just doesnt know how to cope with his problems. When stuff gets too much he bursts and lashes out. A normal thing for a teenager #Obviously this now frightens carmine and she starts backing down distancing herself and generally just closes up around him #Because while she is abrasive she doesnt really *realize* she is. And its easy to see kierans abrasiveness as something inherently hostile #(Because even if he doesnt really mean it it still is aggressive) #Hey wait a second why am i infodumping about kieran and carmine pokemon in my tags #This is like the worst way to do it. Sorry cutting it short ty for reading if you did #ghosts howling

[definitelynotnia]

im sorry i have to rant im so fucking pissed

my exams end on 19th and I have to get rid of some books and buy some books which are quite pricy online so I had planned on going to college street on 20th and selling my books and buying the new ones at a cheap price and i was frankly really excited about it because all I get is a one day break to relax bcz i have to start studying for entrances from 21st so all I have is 20th and i wanted to spend it at college street and then get some food and basically have like a solo date kind of thing.

and i was so so excited about it i told my boyfriend about it like 500 times bcz i kept forgetting i've already mentioned it and it was literally on my mind a lott so i kept bringing it up and ik it seems like not a big deal cz i can just sit at home and chill too but i literally do not get to go outside my house. like- the last time i went out was new years eve and after that the only time i've gone out is to school or to give my boards that is it. my mother has some weird like problem wiht me going out like even if i tell her that i just want to go to our terrace for 5 minutes just to get some fresh air she won't even allow that she'll be all suspicious and like sTaNd In ThE bAlCOnY aNd TaKe FrEsH aIr like she herself doesnt leave the house (and blames it on me and my brother ???? when have we ever stopped you bro, she said I HaVe To Be HeRe To KeEp An EyE like im 18 i dont need to be watched 24/7 stop blaming me for choices you put upon yourself) and i just feel so suffocated ALL THE TIME i feel so overstimulated and im so sick of rotting on my bed and i dont want to wait for some birthday party or friends meet up to be able to leave my goddamn house i just wanted to go and have a fun day and get me some books thats it.

anyway so initially the plan was that my mom would go along but something came up so she wanted to postpone it to 21st and i didn't want to bcz i'd already be missing 3 days bcz of my boyfriends birthday, holi and my brothers birthday (all of which are important and i dont want to miss which makes me the villain apparently bcz i should "adjust" and cancel my "parties" instead of trying to stick to my plan bcz that makes me too demanding and selfish apparently) so i suggested that ukw why dont u go do ur thing which came up and i'll go to college street by myself...which is when the solo date idea came which i had really wanted all along but didnt bring up bcz i knew she'd say no but now there's a valid reason for me to go alone so like, its a pretty easy fix i can just go alone but noooo. First of all,

I've been to college street multiple times before so its not like its an unknown area to me

im going by metro which is quite safe

im going when there is stark daylight and i will return home much much before it gets dark and im literally 18

she never lets me go anywhere alone, not even take ubers alone if i want to get back from somewhere my bf has to come drop me everytime and then go backwards to his house which is so so so stupid and i never get to go out alone unless accompanied by family or by a male friend, so obv when i said i'll go to college street alone she refused to let that happen and started screaming about how 'if its so important to go on 20th bcz u dont want to miss a day of studying then cancel ur 'parties' and study then' and i was like no its not about missing a day its just that there's a very easy and logical fix to this problem which is i go alone and its not inconveniencing anyone so why cant i just do that but she will not listen to that bcz im 'adamant' and 'everything has to be according to me' bcz i found a viable solution to the problem. so instead of letting me just go she was literally ready to pay much more money and buy the books online, like.....why cant i just go bro??? (and she keeps telling me im a waste of her money bcz i will amount to nothing in life and my education was a failed investment or wtv so like now why are u wasting more money??? im literally trying to save the money that u 'waste' on me so just let me ???)

anyway i called my dad last night and told him and he was super ok with the idea he said its a good idea that i go alone and that he would speak to her but then today when i asked her if dad spoke to her she said yes, we'll go on 20th and i was like .....we? so apparently she CANCELLED her previously immovable thing for which she wanted me to cancel my 'parties', she cancelled that and agreed to go with me on 20th just so that i dont get to go alone- like ???????????????? what is ur problemmmm

so obv i was super annoyed and i went on a whole ass rant about how i literally struggle to even cross roads bcz i dont know shit about basic travelling bcz all my life ive been in a car and its a running joke with all my guy friends that i 'cannot navigate' and 'dont know any places' and obv??? if im never allowed to go anywhere then how tf will i know the places- the only places i know is bcz recently i've been paying a lot of attention and asking my dad stuff about what roads to take to reach certain places and when i go out with my friends i kind of try and learn a bit but thats it i've only ever gone alone completely alone to two places which is my beauty parlour thats 5 minutes away from my house and one bazaar one time that was 2 bus stops away, thats it. thats my extent of public travelling alone. and now im supposed to go to a whole new STATE for college and i cant even call myself an auto without struggling. and like- is this not a basic life skill??? like ok yeah its not rocket science and i will probably figure it out even if i start later in life but why not now? most of my guy friends literally go everywhere alone, why not me? and my dad agreed with all of this but my mom was just like "you'll be in the hostel only, no need to go out of the campus" like ARE YOU FOR REAL????????? and she's like "if u want to learn skills learn how to cook" like ok yes i will also learn how to cook for sure but i wont have a fucking kitchen in the hostel but somehow cooking is an urgent skill i should learn but going places by myself is unimportant bcz i should just never? leave? the? hostel?

anyway after much screaming and shouting my dad gave up and just cut the call bcz he doesnt want to get into an argument with my mother and my mother was being all suspicious like why do u hAvE tO gO aLoNe AlL oF a SuDdEn even though i literally explained why i want to do this alone but she doesnt think thats valid. so she refuses to let me go and i asked her for one reason why i shouldnt cz usuallt its always "no u have exam what if smthn happens" but now i literally dont even have exam so whats ur excuse now? streets will always be unsafe forever so "what if smthn happens" is not a reason to never let me go out without a man so just gimme one reason and she couldnt give me a single reason she just said "i said no, thats it".

and now she's gone off about how im useless and blah blah and "high maintainance" bcz i want books and "everyone else (some pishi's son) just studies online" and so the whole option of college street is apparently now cancelled and she's trying to set up a whole ass kindle account (half the books i need arent even available as ebooks) just because i wanted to go by myself.

#in our house kids dont stay outside past 6:30pm'' but now all of a sudden its fine for my brother to play #till 10:30 at night #she literally stopped me permanently from going down in the evenings since i was in class 7-8 #this is why ive never had any friends outside of school bcz she wouldnt let me leave ths fucking house #and now that my brother is in class 7 #he's allowed to be out playing with his friends till 10 freaking 30 #he comes home an hour late sometimes...45 minutes and almost always at least 30 minutes late at NIGHT and she says nothing except like #one sentence #yeah im only the villain i only keep u locke #up in the house its all my fault #this is just so damn unfair #like literally insulting #im not a child what is her problem #what sort of fucking solution is 'never leave the hostel' like ok even if i do that what happens then??? after i graduate? #i'll be a 24 year old who doesnt know shit about going from one place to another without a man present] #and then this woman preaches how she 'always raises her son and daughter equally' like srsly shut the fuck up #my whole life i've been told abar late?'' #and for me bcz i would come home 5-10 minutes late nd i did it maybe once or twice she made me completely stop going down to play #5-10 minutes late from 6:30 wherein he comes an hour late from 9 fucking 30 #and this sounds so stupid bcz im an 18 year old now and i dont give a fuck abt how long i got to play but its just unfair dude #with me it was always smthn or the other either exams or she gets miraculously sick every time i want to go out to play #im not even kidding she did a whole “i have fever and ur going to leave me like this and go play?” on me one time bcz i was adamant abt goi #after months of not being able to go bcz of exam or smthn or the other #she did not have any fever it was fucking bullshit #and how am i supposed to help with ur imaginary fever anyway im literally 12 #its so fucking annoying man and then if i say anything at all she'll go on a tirade about how #like YOU DO THOUGH??????? im sorry ur feelings are hurt bcz i said you do smthn that u LITERALLY DO #istg not even 2 days ago she was having a fight with my dad abt how he should teach my brother to learn how to cycle so that he can go buy #groceries #i can cycle

[iloveyouitisruiningmylife]

spending my whole life trying and trying and trying and trying to be good enough for people who don't give a fuck about me

#im so tired living seems pointless why am i doing this what is the reason #the firm i work at is going thru a merger so it's releasing all the interns except 2 #i went into her office and said that id like to stay here bc my dad said so bc i got in cause he was friends with the head #and she said ill think about it based on performance ive not decided yet #and this other guy he went in to tell her that cool he'll leave and she told him that she was hoping that he'd stay #he literally does nothing but play games on his phone he doesn't work at all #i have no idea what he has that i don't #but just. im stuck like this forever right never ever good enough for people i like or care about #not for parents they have a diff fav child not for ex gf not for bestie who has a boyfriend much better at loving her than me #not for that one guy who rejected me in interview bc i don't read the newspaper and didn't know the date of the finance act #im so fucking sick of this i never even wanted to this fuckinh course and obviously even my best isn't enough and ofc im not good enough #for anyone in this field and ill just struggle and struggle and struggle all my life just to earn some fucking money so i can live away #from my sociopathic parents #and the worst part is that i can't stop feeling like maybe it IS me yk maybe i am the problem maybe im not trying hard enough #but how else am i supposed to handle this i prioritize my studies and lose all my friends i prioritise my friends and fail in d #exams #and the trauma keeps on coming every fucking day bc sociopathic parents but i jsut push it down and say not rn i will cry at night anx then #never cry #i wish someone would just tell me that idk you're wrong you're not made for this you really do have some mental illness and you're really #trying your best and do something that's easy and that you love doing #oh god this is now a ventpost #mes

[da-proti-toku-grem]

why can't anyone understand that everyone is different and not everyone likes the same things and that it's completely okay AND normal for someone not to like going out and preferring to stay at home :/

#honestly i understand that my parents care about me and they don't want me to be feeling bad #and that they ask me bc they just want to make sure i'm okay #but i've explained to them what i feel like and they just don't get and i get mad but i akso know it's not their fault and just... oughhhhh #like yeah i have a weird kind of social anxiety according to my therapist and even she doesn't know exactly how to help me yet #but there are just so many reasons behind why i don't like going out and it's not just bc it gives me anxiety #or why those situations give me anxiety in the forst place #1. i'm just a very introverted person that doesn't like going out #2. crowded places/closed spaces/places where there's not enough ventilation/loud places (be it people talking or just music) overwhelme me #3. all said in 2 + flashing lights give me huge migraines that can linger for over 3 days #4. i am very much a night owl and i'm forced to live in a society where that isn't fucking acceptable apparently and i'm called lazy for - #- not being productive in the morning when the only reason behind it is that i am a lot more productive at night #but no one ket's me do that bc 'why are you doing stuff when you're supposed to be asleep?' #i have been the same since i was little. literally nothing has changed #and people where always like 'oh she's just shy' #but idk wtf changed #maybe it was that i became and 'adult' or maybe the fact that i started therapy and they told my parents that i have social anxiety. idk #but suddenly every single person in my family is worried about it and they're genuinely making me feel like there's smth wrong about me #i mean. i have my problems i'm not gonna go telling you that i'm perfect bc i'm pretty much not #but is there really smth that wrong with me that i need to fix #or is society just a bitch that doesn't understand that there's different kinds of people and everyone is different & IT'S COMPLETELY OKAY #have they ever thought about the fact that maybe these situations cause me anxiety bc i've been forced all my life to do them #even if i don't like them #instead of thinking that i don't like them BC they cause me anxiety?? #i mean. i know i have to go out more and that there's tons of things i can do ofc #but you can't just force me to do things i don't want to and put on a good face while doing it *every.fucking.day* #aaaaand i could add a lot more things but i'm once again reaching the tag limit so i shoukd just shut up #it's just driving me crazy bc i know they're trying to help but it really is not helping at all............. #ranting

[emmenai-kalliston]

it's just like in that Hozier song ^^ (please fuck me I want you so bad)

#context is that yesterday i sent him a message a little after midnight #and told him 'you probably will see this tomorrow' #and he replied at SIX AM #and i replied again as soon as i woke up aka 10 am #so i quoted Too Sweet by Hozier to him bc it fit SO well #like. what level of simping is quoting Hozier songs?? #cal has a crush and makes it everyone's problem once again

[maeamian]

I wish there were better ways to discuss outrage that didn't rely on the same language we use for surprise. It's very tiring to complain about something horrific or that sucks wicked bad and get 'and this surprises you?'

My outrage is not dependent on surprise, it is dependent on my moral code being violated, which happens often enough that I do not find it surprising, but also, I refuse to be numb to my morals.

#Like the way that it implies the only smart way to be is completely shut off #I get the world isn't fun but damn we can expect better without being naive #IDK it's just such a frustrating conversational trope #That you can't be outraged except if you're so naive to have never encountered the problem before #I actually am mad because I know a lot about this not because I know nothing about it #For all sorts of values of 'this' #It is SHOCKING it is UPSETTING but it is not SUPRISING #And I don't know how to communicate the former in a way people won't mistake for the later sometimes #Like to drastically lower the conversational stakes but maintain the parallel: #Suppose I told you I was sad my baseball team lost and you said 'why are you surprised even the best teams lose 50 games a year' #Like yes this is true but surprise was not the central emotion going on and focusing on that would be missing what I was trying to say #My preparation for an eventuality at most blunts the emotions from its passage it doesn't remove them

[elegyofthemoon]

wait actually this one post makes a good point i wish there was actually tags to separate between hsr and hi3 bronseele and on that note actually any of the overlapping characters alskdjfha but the search engine sucks ass on this website so you'll always have overlap either way i think :I

#LIKE !!!!! OK!!!!!! I DO REALLY LIKE BRONSEELE!!!!! BUT ALSO!!!!!! I LIKE HI3 BRONSEELE AND WISH TO LOOK AT STUFF FOR THEM NOT HSR!!!!!!!!! #whhhh i was running into the same problem with cocolia before too T _ T #and its fINE because i saw some servalia while doing so but whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh T _ T come onnnnnnnnnn i just wanna look at hi3 stuuuuuuffff #ok maybe this is also like. the worlds sign for me to STOP JUMPING INTO THE TAGS INSTEAD OF PLAYING THE GAME AND STOP SPOILING YOURSELF #but T _ T #i could also just go bother my friends as well about hi3 but i also dont wanna be a bother #... so i decide to. bother? everyone???? by posting???? #illogical. #IT IS DISTRIBUTED ANNOYANCE #anyways point is: i like bronseele's dynamic a lot in hi3 #it actually made me appreciate the bronseele dynamic more in hsr bc i can see where it takes inspiration from #though i feel that the dynamic got switched around for hsr bronseele #but ill spare talking about that LAKSJDFALKSH #snow plays hi3 #i /guess/ im starting a tag on that its fine lmao #anyways if anyones interested i have plans to finish ch 11 and 11 ex tonight. #'but snow thats like 3 hours long and its near bed time' listen i am on a mission. the only thing stopping me right now is the fact that #i told myself i should finish reviewing (but am Very distracted) #and the fact that the game Also is like 'girl you need to STOP YOURE OUT OF STAMINA' #watch me down all these energy drinks (idk what they are) THEN TELL ME I NEED TO STOP #besides i had a pretty good day re: studying today and ive been doing good with my questions ^u^ #so im bout to beat the holy shit out of this exam. whether the exam likes it or not i Will Eviscerate You. #that and i need to recuperate because I was burned out pretty bad today but when i came back from getting lost (wandering around) for like #hours i did fine so weehee #break day and then we'll be in the long haul till tuesday myeheh