#when it was our word all along

[questionablealibi]

//Teaser hehe ^^ no tw!//

Ooooo new new new content gameplay! What's in store for our protagonist this fine October, hm?

#Remember when i said “fully colored” or something along those lines #Yeah no i cant :'D #This is the best I can do 😭 #Want to finish this ASAP before exam AND before the month ends #Or maybe until first week of november #Not only that but things have been going on recently and i want it and everyone to calm down and gain bearings before i ah #Put this all out hehe #Please please please despite the fact that im not very frequent #You guys have been such a big inspiration and spirit-lifter (or something ^^;) #I love you guys so much /p /vvvvvvvgen #Things may not be in our control but in the end #At the end of the day #Its still you <3 #Still us even #if you prefer that ^^ #Its been a while since ive been in such an interactive loving and caring community #You lot have made me feel so at home ^^ hugs kisses and words of gratitude and affection all around! #Whichever of those youre comfortable with #Take care <3 #Alibi! #the stanley parable #tspud #tsp #tsp stanley #tspud stanley #art wip #wip #work in progress #wip stuff

[oatbugs]

Jack Marsh (2005), Friendship Otherwise - Toward a Levinasian Description of Personal Friendship

#saw carnation lily lily rose by john singer seargent irl today. it was basically at my doorstep all along idk why i never went to see it #it was placed at a corner in the gallery. me and my friend sat down and sketched the paintings of beautiful naked people quite badly. paper #provided by tate britain. she told me about how she couldnt look her boyfriend in the face after a harrowing film about war. when i say the #interview was informal i mean the person who was supposed to be my boss told me let me get you a cider and then he said after #50 years of life he knows people are inherently good and it only takes a little bit of kindness to save this world. he said he tricked #his wife into keeping the baby and then he said he quit his job at a US bank to help people find meaning and in it #he would have liked to find meaning. instead he started climbing with his friends. he said he chews his cigarettes because its a habit from #when he had to hide things from people. the entire time i felt uncomfortable and incredibly enlightened. this is my friends mentor. she has #his pattern of pauses and expletive and penchant for ends-justify-means attitude. i do think im not very clever #but maybe one day i will love you enough to make up for it. i wrote code i dont understand staring at the final error i thought about how #we both thought of how when we're too old to remember the voices of our friends we would like to stand in the pathway of the LHC beam pipe #cut it open and eat light in the freezing cold vacuum (kills you long before radiation will) the invisible puncture wound unfolding dna #back to the start larger than you ever were. you go to heaven once youve been to hell. my friend is in my bed #practicing calculations of eigenvectors by hand and she is uninterested in a visual proof you are uninterested in incompetence #we catch a train this is your kind of burden you tragic hero wincing at that word you only do this because you have to. im the only one #who can. i am a coward in this for the fucking poetry. the visual proofs. the pretty numbers. an architect who was horrible at maths wanted #to be a philosopher and accidentally ended up neck in deep in 70th Error On Visual Studio Code i want to kiss your eyes before we say #goodbye we both know there is no love in the way there should be. I still have your dress in my wardrobe. i hope you make art. #you think im alright head-wise i think you fucking hate me i think ill never be so clever you want me to tell you my idea? #if you wanted more of this world i would have liked to kiss you harder. we cant both be like this. im sorry i cant be with you the whole wa #the love is gone if you have to ask it. his breath catches his eyes feel stiff it is -1.9 kelvin he is near the beam pipe i miss holding #his hand i miss her singing voice i miss his hair and i found the antonym of pain thank you for carrying me home.

[matoitech]

it’s obviously important for ppl to criticize misogyny particularly transmisogyny in trans male communities since thats a trans community issue but if ur also tme and the only thing u ever exclusively talk about trans men for is talking abt us as bigoted misogynists (usually there’s a ‘binary’ slapped in front of it) i genuinely think you need to put the phone down go outside and remember that whatever insane misogynist guys online are saying is not a necessarily a reflection of like things adult men outside of a weird fringe group of freak transmisogynist dudes on tumblr who think the boys should get our own word JUST like the GIRLS or its NOT FAIR!! or whatever (and one coined by a fucking terf at that..) are saying, or justification for behaving weirdly about an entire diverse community of trans people.

again i do not say this to like dissuade ppl from discussing legitimate problems but like a couple points- 'binary' trans men r capable of talking about it ourselves, and we do, and we’re not the ones whose posts get shared about it. and second: if you’re only bringing us up to talk abt how shitty particularly TRANS men are you might have a problem you need to deal with? this is not a shocking statement. like at some point someone has to point it out to you and sit there and take the shit and patiently explain to you it’s that the problem comes when its literally the ONLY thing you bring us up for and act like we're not capable of talking abt this ourselves, and that its a problem how comfortable ppl r for letting ppl speak over/for us if the only similarity they share w trans men is.. an agab and not being cis (yikes!). or if theyre transmasc and male aligned in some capacity but dont have any interest in engaging with or considering themselves a part of like trans men, THEYRE the ones who need to talk abt it, bcuz the (usually 'binary') Trans Men wont (not saying those ppl cant or shouldnt but they may be treated differently for doing so)

first ppl liked using transmeds existing to throw up justification for treating us like a bigoted monolith you (uniquely) Just Dont Feel Safe Around and its normal to make assumptions abt us being transphobic especially if we don't identify by labels deemed 'safe' and Inherently More Radical, and now its pretending we all collectively cant recognize our privilege thru our intense blinding hatred of women and its up to you to save us from ourselves and beat some common sense into the inherently bigoted stupid about gender patriarchy dicksucker boys. like i dont know im tired of it when trans men being accused of only existing bcuz we want to be patriarchy bootlickers i guess is always what radfems have thrown at us, so its not like this negative perception of trans men filtered thru a supposedly progressive lense is new. a lot of adult trans men dont talk abt like particular hot shit thats discussed a lot on here rn (the 'trans misandry' shit for example) bcuz its was not a problem in the spaces we're in and we knew it was stupid as fuck right away and barely worth talking about to say 'yeah you know that thing we all know is stupid and bullshit? its stupid and bullshit'. bcuz we're not fifteen years old or weird misogynists. we have brains, don't hate women, and we dont all know and hang around the same people.

anyway dont take this post as a stand in for serious discussion and calling out misogyny (again especially transmisogyny) w other men, those posts do need to exist, i am not trying to say this stuff shouldnt be talked about. what i'm specifically pointing out is a frustrating pattern in the perception of and discussion of trans men that ppl probably dont realize theyre participating in. i do think it is very important to talk abt community issues and criticisms but if its literally the one thing you bring up trans men for i think being aware of that behavior has no NEGATIVES here. also do have to bring up i specified other tme ppl early on bcuz this isnt smth ive experienced or seen from transfems and their position as like the affected party of transmisogyny is automatically like .. if they have issues w trans men it is pretty inherently coming from a different place than like, a cis womans, or a tme nonbinary person, or a transmasc person with issues with trans men, or a cis mans, etc. tme ppl who are on a very different ground here, whose behavior is straight up different anyway

#this isnt @ anyone this is like . a common thing rn #its a seperate post but i think ppls just total unawareness that trans men have made any contributions to like #academic discussion abt transphobia along with trans women (sometimes literally discussing our experiences together!) is kind of bizarr #u know online discourser misogyny boys r not reflective of the actual adult intersectional (cant remember if thats the right word its 2 am #lol) discussion of our experiences that MUST be done in order to have like any solid understanding of how to fix this shit #you cant just ignore the experiences of trans men and think ur understanding of gender is good lol #there r many ppl who r invested in talking abt it in a way thats like normal and mature #and it DEPENDS on trans womens experiences and pov too to make a more fully realized understanding of trans ppls lived experiences #and how we can fix cisnormativity and sexism and shit without pretending like disappearing gender is gonna do anything #except be boring as fuck and not realistic. what if we all lived in someone elses fantasy utopia that is not a utopia for a lot of transppl #and believing online discourse misogyny boys when they tell you no one else cares abt trans men but THEM >:( is like. dumb as fuck #there have been ppl discussing their experiences in an actually nuanced and Gives A Shit way for decades. academically. go find it

[crimeronan]

(Biphobia anon) but then I realize that by saying "people who are vocal about disliking these ships are biphobic" i'm definitely following the same flawed logic (twisting likes and dislikes into an ethical debate). So yeah I'll try my best to embrace complexity and ambiguity in characters and media and accept people will have wildly differing readings of the same text 😌😌 sorry for sending you deranged anons with my stream of consciousness like im phoning into a local radio station

i actually don't think your other anon went through! but assuming it was about how people don't think luz is queer enough if she dates a boy..... yeah, it's not my favorite thing either. and in my experience it really just comes back to ship wars and feeling Threatened.

like, the reason i like amity/luz/hunter so much is because the three of them have SO MANY relationship parallels, it compels me eternally. and the way i think about them as a triad is way more in line with romantic shipping than nuclear family sibling constructs, even when i'm writing hunter as strictly platonic with both of them.

so i end up having more in common with monogamous luz/hunter shippers than monogamous luz/amity shippers, just bc we're both shipping non-canon stuff -- as long as those shippers don't attack amity for no reason. and i get wary of people who have Any kind of "luz/hunter is incest" stance because i'm like .....i recognize that you probably have some kind of personal experience factoring into your reading of the text, here. like i don't want to take you in bad faith immediately.

however.

i Do suspect that our personal experiences are..... sorta..... fundamentally incompatible.....

#replies #like if you're super uncomfortable with platonic partners calling themselves partners or calling it dating or whatever #as opposed to calling themselves friends/siblings #that is your prerogative! we all have different words we use for ourselves! #but you're also gonna be wildly uncomfortable around me. given how i do my own relationships irl and ship things fictionally. #that's Okay. we don't have to get along. we can just do our own thing and not worry about the other #u know?? like as long as people aren't asking me to change my own behavior based on their squicks it's fine. #to live authentically i kind of have to be squicky and annoying to some people. i'm not trying for mass appeal! #it's only when ppl make their squicks my problem that i'm like. rolls up sleeves. ok we're gonna fight now. #toh

[bumblingbabooshka]

Tuvok’s Children

#[REDACTED] family shenanigans #yeah I switched the birth order around so Asil's the third born instead of the last #Also her marriage status is 'complicated' because she's currently contractually married to a ferengi woman and there's drama as to whether #it's real or not (she got contract-married to her over the course of a case) #All of Tuvok's children care deeply about each other and get along well for the most part v_v #they have a bunch of different idealogies and opinions etc but they all respect each other a great deal #Sek #Elieth #Asil #Varith #an inside joke between them is how humans typically only pronounce Sek's name right on the first try 'If their tongue doesn't slip' #Sek is really making up for all his siblings in the 'give me grandchildren' arena #Elieth met Ione Kitain while working and the two of them hit it off right away but they were both engaged #One day he caught word that she was going to get married and he immediately flew to Betazed and went to see her. One conversation later and #they were engaged instead v_v (his family found it DEEPLY embarrassing - everyone else who hears it finds it terribly romantic. #Except the spurned groom of course~) Elieth's betrothed dissolved their bond without fanfare since she kind of didn't want to marry him #uhh Varith has one of Mollie's puppies (grown now) which Mark gave him and she acts as sort of a service dog ! #And Sek took care of their mother when she fell into a depression for a period of time after Voyager was lost #Also - I personally wanna know how they all reacted to that holonovel the doctor wrote about Voyager #hhehee like they meet him in person and Sek's like 'Ah. The Hologram who slandered our father.' #bea art tag #st voyager #st voyager art #star trek #Everyone should have their own little Tuvok family in their minds...!! Each one is precious and good~!! #OH ALSO #Sek is the oldest but shorter than all everyone but Varith (and T'Pel)

[thethingything]

I keep noticing our brain being a little iffy about a couple of things today that I think we'd been repressing a lot lately and that's not ideal because it means we'll probably unrepress it more and be upset about it later, but at the same time it's like, oh hello there, I know this particular sadness. I've spent a lot of time with it and I recognise it whenever it comes back and I'm less surprised to see it again and more surprised it went away for this long. time to spend another evening with it and be gentle with ourselves and just let our brain feel whatever it needs to

#personal #thoughts #🍬 post #vent post #<- maybe? I'm upset and the thing I'm upset about is something that really fucked us up #but it's been a little while since it's come up and now it's like... oh this is a familiar thing and not a new thing I'm having to deal wit #it's grief specifically and I have complicated feelings about it #this year's been a shitshow and this specific grief kind of took a backseat and got repressed and we definitely hadn't processed it #so we felt weird about it suddenly disappearing because we knew it wasn't that we were suddenly okay #so now it's simultaneously weird and upsetting to experience it again #but also confirmation that our brain was doing exactly what we thought it was #I have a lot of complicated thoughts and feelings that I can't put into words because wow grief is messy and complicated #have you ever grieved and realised you were starting to not think about them as often anymore and then panicked #because you're scared of forgetting or not feeling anything so when you do feel upset you're almost relieved? #it probably wouldn't have been as bad but our brain kind of blocked out the positive feelings along with the sadness #because dissociation isn't very precise in what it blocks out #and it made us panic because we couldn't seem to access any feelings and it all felt very distant and vague

[dov6doll]

#image I took with my camcorder I thought Tumblr might appreciate although I am not tagging it (yet?) bc I can't be bothered #Context: invited a close friend over to give her some books and makeup & my shopping addicted ass immediately started showing off new shoes #I got these in January apparently. Anyways the moment I brought these into the room she said she started feeling ill and said that she #felt a really negative energy so naturally I got out my giant bag of candles and incense and tried to code word: tried to cleanse them #it didn't work obviously so we wanted to take them to a priest to bless them so we went to church but alas we were too late since all #of the priests had already gone home so we left. Previously to that and still we also want to take them to a - now bare with me I forgot the #exact English word for this but it's бајачка something akin to a fortune teller - to cleanse them however we don't know any in our country #Also another thing is apparently right before coming over she had a strong feeling an urgency even to bring her tarot deck with her to my #place although she had no idea why since none of the plans we made involved a tarot deck or anything similar #and when she saw the boots she said something along the lines of “this must've been why (I felt the urge to bring my tarot deck)”

[anothermouse]

I find it weird how ppl will say for reasons that systems are fake is that multiple alters talk similar or have similar interests. Have u ever met siblings. They talk similar and have similar interests because they've spent years together ya dork, as systems start to get along more they're gonna start sharing more interests and speech patterns just like you with people you spend a lot of time with lol. Also they all share a life, they have to be able to act like each other to get by and seem "normal."

#this isnt directed ive just noticed that me and willow steal each others interests a lot and its making me think abt all the ppl ive seen #using that reasoning in fake claiming. me and her dont really talk similar but i can imagine that happening with systems who #talk to each other or mask as each other more. #idk. its to our best interest to share skills and interests. if only one person likes/knows writing then we have a problem when we need to #write and they're not present. if only one person likes/knows guitar we're in big trouble in guitar class if they're not present. #and we NEED to get along to operate so its good for us to have things to bond over! we used to argue a lot and it was fucking annoying and #made life hard. i couldnt take care of the body and willow was depressed and it made the brain miserable and it sucked #so the more we can get along the better and i think having things in common is good for that! #like i said we dont really talk the same and for us that works just fine but for some systems that could create communication barriers. #idk. i just think ppl should think a little more about why alters might become similar over time. me and my cohost r literally like family #system #osdd #did #multiple #plural #edit: actually maybe i do pick up speech from her. she says 'my friend' a lot and sometimes im tempted to say it cus its nice #but i feel like it sounds weirder coming from me 😅 #OH AND LOVELY. she uses the word lovely so much ive just picked it up. its such a good adjective #idk why usually you expect the host to be the one whos language people copy but i feel like i pick up things from willow more than she does #from me.

[dragonji]

its time for yet another brain game of am i like fully neurotic or was this genuinely not a cool situation . prize is jack shite and yet im playing anyways👍

#j.txt #vent #just like. to preface. im not bringing any of this up im just going to stew in it for the night and then move on as per usual #alright disclaimer made now i can get to the point. So. tonight is my close irl friends bday right but she didnt tell me about any plans #so i naturally assumed she was gonna do her own thing and not really celebrate. Ive had work all day and while working get a text frm her #asking if we want to go to this restaurant i introduced our group to for dinner. so i respond saying oh im off at this time if yall want to #go even tho its late i can. Never get a response so i assume theyll bring it up when i get back. get home and no ones here not a word abt #whats going on. i do my usual unwinding get ready to chill etc which takes abt half an hour. she comes back with our other mutual friends #and theyve already gone to the restaurant which is fine i get it. but they get back and say oh now we're going to this themed music night at #a club we've all been to before as soon as (other friend) changes. and then just. dont offer for me to come along or anything and leave. #which like. whatever its happened a hundred times before im used to it but Still. does it not even occur that I might want to participate?? #if i had Any notice that this was happening I could have been getting ready instead of slacking around waiting for someone to get home #its so. i try extrememly hard not to be a downer or just invite myself to things bc I Know this is how they all operate but it does still #sting that it feels like im not even thought of if i dont happen to be in the room when plans are being made lol. #and obv I am Not bringing this up rn and ruining what im sure was a really fun night for all of them #its just truly a goddamn bitch of an unsatisfactory situation yknow. but such are the whims of fate and i shall endure as always✌️

[cheeseknives]

Shout out to me for listening a man explaining all the details about old ass 760 Turbo Volvo for like two hours

#that picture is the emotion im feeling rn #patting my self on the back for being polite #I mean its a nice car in sense that its made with our weather conditions in mind #look I learned something !! #bestie was trying to sell me old daihatsu and all I could thing was something along the lines 'I like your funny words magic man' #I don't know shit about these things #crossing fingers he'll actually get old Subaru as a next project #in case I ever get my license lol #or maybe I'll just put it on our backyard to look at it #emotional support Subaru Impreza when #ramble ramble

[deus-ex-mona]

“if you don’t have anything good to say, ✨don’t say anything✨” is my life’s motto, after all~

#my specialty is keeping my opinions to myself… all while silently judging you to your faces #it’s a skill i learned from my mother… though she’s also a hypocrite who judges you with the people she’s with. thanks for the life lesson 妈 #i’ll only give my opinions when asked… or cry about it in the tags of my own posts bc i really like my echo chamber ok #(…though it’s also bc i have actually contributed to misinformation in the past… [stares at my sh*n j*da* tl]) #i’d like nothing more for that nonsense to get buried under my old posts but the lyrics vid that used my tl has over 100k views now and— #[buries face in hands] i would like to sincerely apologise to everyone who has had the misfortune of seeing that horrible tl #i mean!!!! i literally forgot that the word ‘hoarse’ exists!! that’s why that weirdass ‘till our throats burn dry’ even exists s o b s #and i also forgot to even type in some entire words and aaaaaaaaaaaaa #the cringe is real. s o b s. i’m so sorry for the misinformation #what brought this on? well… i’m just having my daily ✨quarter life crisis✨ wherein i’m struck by the realisation that i’m bad at everything #then i thought about my tls，which led to me thinking about my greatest tl failure (aside from my daikirai tl)… #…which naturally led to the thought of ‘oh crap i spread misinformation :(’，which led to… this #i swear i’m bad at everything aside from running sideways in crowded train stations… maybe my true talent was crabwalking all along…? #inedible blubbering

[noxtivagus]

good morning i am just very slightly worried about prom <3

#🌙.rambles #no classes today 🥺 gna do my hw for next week tho n then. yes. #I'M WORRIED THOUGH YEAH BCS. hfdsksdjf most of the other ppl r friends or r in the same class #kinda worried i might not enjoy as much bcs. who knows if i'll be able to talk properly or if i might just get nervous instead #n maybe at one point i cld go to one of my other friends too but she's going w a guy n i don't want to intrude ig #n she has her other friends too. my friend at our table yeah has other friends too #i'm worried i might just. not enjoy at all bcs of anxiety or maybe i'll just feel lonely or smth hdkfajsdlf nothing i can do abt that thoug #maybe when i'm anxious i'll just cope by dissociating n just thinking of noctis or claude or smth 😭😭 or artem n write a story in my head #n i'll go out of my comfort zone n use up all my social energy #recently they just announced in our batch gc that we can have yk same couples. wasn't in the ltp or smth tho 🥹 #wish i had at least another friend or smth. so maybe it wld've been possible to bring one of my friends from another school ^^ #platonically bcs she's like. bi. 🫣 i'm still rather amused at how she. mentioned she was bi when like #i had my arm around her shoulder n she said smth along the lines that it was kinda weird for her bcs she wasn't used to it?? IDK 😭😭 #didn't quite catch the rest of her words but sorry girl i'm just naturally affectionate w my friends #n idk why but if you're like. biologically female or actually even just like. yk your gender is female n you identify along those lines #i'm just automatically more comfy w you n physically affectionate. #nyways she told me she doesn't have prom tho when we were talking abt sch we were like talking abt school events n :<< #hmm. yk it's not like i need. someone for prom like. yk i just need myself. but i guess it's a bit of a childish old wish of mine #that said though i'm fine just still rather worried bcs in social situations i just. end up feeling rlly lonely haha #like i was doing well i rmb friday of the fair but then i was bottling my emotions n pretending i was completely okay 👍 #definitely wasn't crying when everyone was away <3 n then my anxiety just. god i don't want to think about it #until the end i was just. hanging on to a piece of thread. sorry you saw me cry a bit. sorry i lied that i was fine #sorry i let myself. go through that. twin n friend laying their heads on my shoulder as they were falling asleep n i was just. crying #n then later that night i just ended up crying even more. painful memories. #just have to accept that my social energy's just shit n ppl will always have another that they'd prefer talking with. #i have. apollo at least yh? n i guess to each person i mean at least. something. i think #sorry i'm not usually like this but it's just. smth i just can't help but be anxious about. one of my biggest insecurities #i'm so used to being alone though i've realized. last year wasn't real goddamn. n. 2020 was.. i don't know #ah i'll be productive now. i. move forward from the past n i never forget in a way that it. helps spur me onwards but #sometimes the past haunts me. sometimes is.. perhaps a big understatement bcs i think too much but. uh. yh that's enough i'm fine.

[griffinsmith]

my friend read the phrase “marleyboiled egg” while we were questing the other day and within two days it became part of our regular vocabulary

#normal we are normal about words #she hates Marleybone because all of our memories of questing through it are getting sucked into battles on the sidewalk-less roof tops #so obviously we get along really well when we have to go there or talk about it #BUT she very kindly suggested we play through barkingham again. she absolutely OBLITERATED jackall in one hit last time we did it #and it can only get better the second time #sawyer rambles

[comradekatara]

to me, the funniest thing about “that’s rough buddy” isn’t the fact that sokka says something patently insane with zero context seemingly out of nowhere, or the fact that zuko clearly doesn’t know how to respond. it’s the completely incorrect use of the word “buddy.” zuko would obviously like to be friends with sokka, but sokka is not, in fact, his friend. this is the most time they’ve ever spent together, and it’s because zuko invited himself to tag along on sokka’s suicide mission. at this point in the episode, sokka still hates this guy, perhaps less than he did a week ago, but he still hates him enough that he didn’t bother forcing zuko to stay home, which means he still didn’t really care whether or not zuko lives or dies. which, considering that he had tried to kill zuko multiple times in the past, is not all that surprising. this entire episode is essentially just zuko forcing his friendship onto sokka while sokka is legitimately too depressed to care. so when zuko calls sokka “buddy,” there’s a spirit of dogged optimism characterizing that epithet, because in no possible realm would sokka consider zuko his buddy at this point in the episode. and that’s something we miss when noting the iconicness of this exchange, simply because, by the end of this episode, they are buddies, so in our minds looking back on these lines, the implication of friendship doesn’t feel out of place at all. and really, it isn’t out of place, but only because zuko’s tenacity and determination (in this instance, his determination to befriend sokka) has always hugely outweighed his ability to read the room.

#and not for nothing but i think if anyone called zuko buddy (such as aang for example) he would melodramatically groan or something #by all accounts this is not a word he would ever use #but this is his first time even mildly successful socializing with a guy his age #and hes like ‘this is how males communicate right?’ #‘if i call him buddy it shall establish camaraderie. which is the first step to marriage’ #zuko #sokka #sokkaxzuko #90% of my zukka posts are about how sokka hates zuko and wants to kill him #but i think that’s an important contribution to the zukka ecosystem . perhaps even the most important

[insanechayne]

~ ~ ~

#I never fucking learn #went and did something stupid when I knew better and just ended up making myself feel sick #and yet my body still reacts with desire for those old memories even as I feel so nauseous #I hate that any part of me still wants that and still wants you but I can’t give you up #I hate that I can’t cut off this toxicity and I still allow everything in our past and present to cause me so much pain #you’re not worth all of this suffering that I’m doing so why can’t I just leave you behind? #you manipulated me and used me and then threw me away like I was nothing without a second fucking thought and just expected me to deal #life kicked you in the teeth so you turned around and kicked in mine #you said you never meant to hurt me and you never realized that it seemed like you were stringing me along #but how could you not have known? with how much I tried to explain myself and talk through everything with you #you never intended to hurt me but turned on me so quickly it gave me whiplash #you never meant to hurt me but still said and did things you knew bothered me after I’d told you they did #you got mad at me for having feelings and yelled at me for needing clarity #you turned everything around on me and made everything my fault to the point I was begging you not to leave me #and for what? what did I do for you exactly? what am I still doing for you that you want me around after everything that’s happened? #I know exactly what role you fill for me and could tell you with no hesitation #but I’m starting to wonder what I’m doing for your life if not to just fill some desperate need for attention or validation or whatever else #and I think I’m getting ready to move on soon #I may need some time to fully detach and I may still want my final words #but realizations are hitting me now with a different kind of clarity #I still feel so sick over everything but maybe I needed this disgust to fester in me and make me see you for what you are #maybe I needed to feel this shitty to understand all the shit you’ve done to me and the ways you’ve hurt me #it’s just unfortunate you turned out to be another lesson because I’m really tired of learning #personal

[chuluoyi]

soft gojo meeting his newborn hc, pleaaasee??

࿐ ࿔ 🕰️ 「 11:10 P.M 」

soft dad!gojo drove me to have another baby fever for the ntn time. you just have to put this idea in my head don’t you dear anon~

a part of gojo's love entries

the thing was so tiny, precious and squishy. it fit right in his hands, so red and fragile, almost like a toy—

only it was not. it was a real, living baby. his son, partly made by his own flesh and blood—his to protect.

“hello to you, my little minion,” satoru whispered to his newborn, wonderstruck by the sight of this small but clearly alive being. his eyes glazed, his fingers delicately tracing the baby's face, body, and tiny feet. “i’m your dad, yeah?”

his own soft voice sounded foreign to him. but at this moment, as he was utterly mesmerized by the sight of little human that just came out of you, his beloved wife, he couldn’t care less.

he had always imagined how his brat would look like. he even joked with you about how he’d get his good looks—and heck, the gods did hear him and this baby in his arms was the most handsome baby he had ever seen, blessed with his white hair and softest skin, as well as the rosiest cheeks.

his only dismay was that he also inherited the bluest of eyes, the curse in his family line.

well, but that’s a problem for another day.

he settled his newborn into the hospital's nursery crib, and nudged his pudgy cheeks once again. not even half a day had passed since he was born, and gojo satoru had developed a severe cuteness aggression for his son. he swore he’d spoil him rotten, shower him love he never truly experienced from his own parents, and of course, keep him safe.

with his heart full, he left the baby as he slept, and went back to your room.

in the very same predicament as your baby, you were still fast asleep. you were visibly exhausted, your hair was a tangled mess, and there was a line of dried blood along your lips—caused by accidentally biting them too hard earlier, during your labor pains.

even in the state of disarray, satoru still thought you looked ethereal, too good for him.

he ran his fingers through your hair, smoothing them, and he regretted it when your face scrunched up and your eyes fluttered open. “…hmm? satoru?”

“hey, sweets. how are you feeling?”

“i still feel like being split into two… but yeah, i’ll manage.”

“shush, of course. you feel that way often, each time when i—”

“don’t,” you warned, glaring at him. “i just birthed your heir, gojo satoru. don’t even start.”

satoru burst into a laugh so hearty and he realized he truly loved this dynamics with you. and that he was grateful for you.

he wanted to thank you for all that you had done for him. for returning his feelings. for marrying him. for going through that pain to bring his son to the world—

and most of all, for still being here. for staying alive to live another day with him.

“i saw him just now. our baby is perfect.”

“really? i want to meet him too…”

“soon, sweetheart... when you’re a little better, i’ll take you to him.”

but he wasn’t the best with words. and so even if he were to pour his heart out, everything would be condensed into this one sentence.

you were excited at the prospect of meeting your baby, when suddenly satoru leaned in to plant a kiss on your forehead.

“i love you so damn much… you know?”

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