#when your mental illness is chronic

[karidley]

Something I've noticed that's been helping me a lot lately is shifting the question from "what can I handle right now" to "what would make me feel better right now?" It makes me stop and honestly assess without pressure of Productivity. Sometimes the answer really is 'lie down in the dark under the covers' but quite often I'm finding if I detach my well-being from my productivity the answer is usually a list that looks like: eat something I can picture, drink water, consume salt (for my dysautonomia), take a shower, take my medication, put in earplugs for sensory overload. Some days it even includes 'go for a walk' or 'go to the library.'

For me to get here its required some previous experience with doing those things and knowing what works for me when, but it's made a huge difference. I've been regularly stopping mental spirals and sidestepping executive dysfunction walls that would have kept me in bed all day.

Also once I start taking of one bad it lightens the variety of bad feelings and helps me maybe target some other things that would now make me feel better.

That said, I have never been able to make myself better through brow-beating or berating myself about healthy habits or what I Should Be Doing. It started with the phrase "be kind to yourself" and I built from there. Taking a moment to answer the question "what would make me feel better right now?" with honesty (and patience/acceptance if the answer is that lying in bed would be the thing that would truly make you feel better right now) is an extension of Be Kind to Yourself.

Idk, thought I'd share in case it helps anyone.

#depression #executive dysfunction #adhd #chronic illness #spoonie #chronic fatigue #<- i end up taking a lot of naps for that one but this way they're not framed negatively #they're just the thing i need right now #therapy too therapy helps a lot #and practice #lots and lots of practice #when you're unwell your wellbeing can be like a puzzle and a balancing act rolled into one #of course it's going to take time to figure out what works for you and what doesn't #it sucks balls in the meantime #but things will get better #just keeping trying strategies #and in the meantime BE KIND TO YOURSELF #mental health

[afniel]

Every morning my brain spins a little wheel and picks what's going up be fucked up that day. Usually it's my pain perception or energy level, sometimes it's my mood, sometimes it's my sense of balance and I could do without that, but VERY OCCASIONALLY it will Mad Lib slap together, "TODAY'S BROKEN THING: your (noun:[ability]) (verb:[to sense that]) (object:[you are disabled])," and today is one of those days. I feel fucking good? I slept well? I jogged big sections of the way to lunch because I could? My legs didn't cramp up? I'm in a super good mood?

This happens so rarely that I actually register it as a problem and go through the day thinking, oh no have I finally developed bipolar, is this mania, and it's like, no, dipshit! It's functioning. Of course it feels good and you feel good about it. There's nothing wrong with having nothing wrong with me for a moment. You really don't understand how disability changes you until you're wondering if your temporary relief is a mental illness...

But enough of that, I'm having a good day and I hope everyone else is too, and if you aren't, I hope you'll have one very soon. 💜 ✌️

#chronic illness #fibro #chronic pain #chronic fatigue #disability #mental health #honestly when you got a physical illness that impacts your entire energy level at all times #the few moments of almost remission you get DO legitimately feel manic #but you just gotta accept it and not stress too much because eh. it's not harming you in the least. #(unless it is in which case y'know talk to someone about that) #but I'm not making impulse decisions and taking risks for shits and giggles or starting 1000 projects #I'm just like. having a good day. but the difference is just so stark it FEELS alarming but really the alarming part #is how tired I usually am #but if I got alarmed about that all the time I'd be even more tired and also depressed #being disabled is a long long time of practicing letting things just be as they are

[ghostcrows]

that damn web comic is rattling around in my brain ...

#i just felt smacked in the face with a mirror reality something i could see not only myself but so many other people i know/have known in #with a frighteningly sharp precision #some of the people in whn look IDENTICAL to real life friends or exes or people i knew in high school or coworkers #i sent it to my friend and he said 'i feel like this HAPPENED to someone i know' #i keep thinking about that awful feedback loop of mental illness isolation and social media addiction #but its so much more complicated than 'touch grass' like you could shoot all these peoples phones #and theyd just turn to something equally toxic and retraumatizing and self-flagellating #they already show this because they have ed's and self harm and abuse substances and spend money they dont have #the chronic online-ness is a symptom not the disease #the thing that makes me a little sick is how much i relate to milo refusing to delete his tumblr even after everything #i have had instances in my life where posting on tumblr was actively making my life worse or harder or getting in the way of real shit #and i still use it as a crutch in the worst of times #its just funny cuz its this thing that saves you from riskier vices while still obviously perpetuating those things #because its a place that reflects You so heavily #you reblog sad shit cause youre sad and it makes you sadder #you wanna self harm you see people post their cutting pics now you feel like its not so weird or bad #its making me ask questions like 'am i stunted' 'what does it mean to be stunted' and then of course #when is someone 'acting like a victim' and just A Victim and can you do both and what does that mean #man....

[void-tiger]

Right. I need a nap. I’m feeling resentment about friends getting to do Cool Things again. And I’m old enough to know I’d feel less jealous about it with my leaky batteries recharged a bit.

(it’s not their fault I live far away, and have disabilities affecting getting to do Neat Things On My Own at least.)

#tiger’s roar #mental health bullshit #chronic fatigue #chronic illness #…yeahhh my therapist is prolly right that I should join a support group for the connective tissue disorder #loathe as I am to admit it #because I Despise being turned into some sort of Teacher’s Pet in these sorts of things #or deal with A Fight #or deal with Desperate Single Men smothering or creeping on me #just. why i hadn’t wanted to join one for the anxiety/depression or adhd #…but as she pointed out. How To Self Advocate. #since while the docs here I don’t treat me badly? usually? #it Is hard to self advocate when you DON’T know what’s Not Normal #and your brain often masks things as either fatigue or promptly doesn’t Store that information #soooo you feel like shit without reason or recall until that oHHH So THAT’S What

[holyluvr]

How much widespread pain could you endure every minute of your life before you became an unlikable disabled person who isn’t worthy of sympathy from the rage and grief you’re carrying alone, just like us “cry baby, attention-seeking, cringey, bitter, militant, and angry cripples”?

#… #Y’all will say to not purposely trigger others. respect mental illness/neurodivergence. #understand that being mentally ill/neurodivergent isn’t simple with relationships. know about symptoms and traits. #Be patient & educate yourself when you can….. #Yet I can’t escape from seeing ‘you don’t have to be a bitter asshole’ / ‘I agree with everything but your attitude is disgusting’ etc #anytime a CONSTANTLY PAINED person says something about disability. #Our rage is justified. #Abled people are trying to find ways to convince us that our agony and unwillingness to accept discrimination #is a hysteric phenomenon without understanding because it’s too ugly and frightening to open their eyes #& see the med industry’s failures/dirty hands/hoards of $/hoards of connections. #🎭👸🏻 #chronic pain #physical disability #disability #chronic illness

[silvreflames]

thinking very much about how faerie magic is very tricky and never "3 wishes happily ever after done and done" in that it's always a trade when you make a bargain with a faerie. it's always equal value what you give and what you take when you enter into a faerie boon. and i think that applies to the cauldron/mother as well

and nesta, who took from the cauldron, who ripped out that death and that fatal power and was Made, of course had to relinquish something just as monumental in return. so i think she doesn't have the self-healing abilities that she should as a high fae and in fact pain is quite exacerbated by her powers, meaning if she gets wounded, she heals as if she were still human. and her human conditions remain with her even as high fae as well. which is even more ironic considering that i think healing powers go hand in hand with death powers if only she could hone them :o)

#that endo and pcos hits different when you harness Death #the cauldron said 'oh you want to take from ME girl?? fine then see who's laughing at this!!!!!!!' #her mother: you're broken. made wrong. #amren: what a WASTE #the cauldron: reinforcing this x1000000 #it's fine :') #faerie magic is so yucky and tricky and i am OBSESSED with it #don't make bargains with the fae!!!!!! #also just hate the 'magic takes away your chronic/mental illness' narrative #as if it was so easy for us fr.....gross

[eosofspades]

after a lifetime of arguing with their mom, local bitch somehow still unable to not lose her fucking shit every time

#seething seething seething rage and biting and killing and RAAAAAGH #you know when you have a mental illnesses. and your mom has the same mental illnesses. but rather than solidarity. #you both manage to have juuuust different enough symptoms that you are chronically unable to do anything but #bounce off each other as frustratingly as possible and make each other worse #vent #ok to rb if u wanna

[theodore-lasso]

.

#the closest thing that seems to describe my relationship with dysphoria lately is chronic pain and i know its not 100% #but theres not a single second of the day that it doesn't cause me mental/emotional distress or like it's VERY rare #and i can almost feel it like a physical pain now #it feels so dramatic but like it's fucking. life threatening. #i run out of spoons so quickly #and im struggling to see the difference between a physical condition getting worse and smth like dysphoria which #when its bad or like even when its not that bad makes me want to kill myself #ive been talking about it for 6 months now was an actual issue that desperately needs medical treatment #but the fact that its woven in with mental illness and so enmeshed with depression and anxiety has made it almost impossible for me #dysphoria has essentially blocked me from everything i love and all my coping mechanisms that i usually use for my mental health #i cant spend time with ppl bc it makes me dysphoric i cant sing bc i can't listen to my voice i cant meet new ppl or do new things #any energy i was spending on catching up with old friends or friends i only saw irregularly is fkn gone #like its disappeared i can't fucking do it #which of course isolates me and makes my mental health worse #its just the compounding issues that make each other worse and the answer is to relieve my dysphoria #and then i can slowly start to rebuild as a person #but this whole fucking period has been so damaging to me #to be out for years and suddenly be so mentally ill that your brain challenges things it knows are true and starts saying #youre just a mentally ill woman every time you look in the mirror. #like thats a fucking horror movie #its isolation its doubting reality its exhaustion and normalised suicidality and kinda disordered eating and just. holding on #like i cant build anything new in this state im just treading water #idk i think i didnt realise what dysphoria was before. i think people downplay it to make trans people more palatable #or you only see people talk about it post transition #or you only hear ways to alleviate it #you dont really hear all the ways you just have to live with it. and you do. voice dysphoria is my biggest issue for sure #and i cannot get around it #so ive stopped one of my number one hobbies and sources of joy - music and singing. which was a big way id get around anxiety #because you have to breathe properly to sing #im running outta tags i just didnt wanna put this in a post but. yeah listen its rough out here buddy lmfao and it has been for. a while

[pinkfey]

so my mom is in the hospital with pancreatitis + dehydration because she can’t keep fluids down + unbalanced acid levels because acid tablets are the only thing that combat the pain in her chest because her meds don’t work like they should and what do u know !! that all leads to organ failure !!

#but how are they supposed to regulate her diet to treat the pancreatic inflammation when she CANT EAT !!!!!!! #her illness is so rare and times like these it dawns on me how much of a lab rat she’s been the past two decades and how much MORE difficult #it is for us to get treatment for her. no surgeries work. she gets a myriad of health problems like diabetes and pancreatitis as long term #symptoms. absolutely ZERO research goes into her illness because it affects no one compared to something like cancer #it’s so fucking frustrating. it’s destroyed her life and ours and the doctors really don’t do shit for her #she wouldn’t have to take acid tablets if they gave her the proper fucking meds !! #because the acid reflux is just part of her illness so there’s no making that go away #the dehydration is because she literally cannot get food or water down because not only does her esophagus not work due to the disorder #but all of the failed dilations and surgeries have fucked it up beyond repair. the only option for that is to remove it #just like. i’m so upset because only some of this was avoidable. #the dehydration and inflammation was bound to happen because that’s just what happens with her illness. she can barley get liquids down #but the acidity?? she’s been telling them for weeks the meds aren’t working and she’s been taking the tablets to compensate. this is on them #RNRNGNNFNDNG having a member of your family with chronic health problems is hard enough as it is but i can’t stress how much worse it is #when the condition is rare. we have hardly any resources and have to travel to get ‘good’ treatment like the dilations that don’t work #and so much is just fucking troubleshooting because so much is unknown #and she’s only getting worse. she’s literally wasting away physically and mentally because she’s getting no sleep and no nutrients. #AND AAAAAAAAAA i don’t get upset about this often because it’s so normal for me for the past fifteen years #but holy shit i deserve to be angry #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #every once in a while i really comprehend it all. how i had my mother robbed from me. from her own life. it makes me just sob #like i never did as a kid because i didn’t grasp it #if anyone read this far no well wishes please #i have a complicated relationship with her #and if anyone is curious what the disorder is it’s called achalasia and believe me i’m an encyclopedia when it comes to it #anyways.txt

[bleeding-letters]

Hi!! I just wanted to tell you your writing is really good and you answer requests so great each time!

Can you answer (if you feel like):

What gives you inspiration to write and also, how did you start writing/ what got you into writing?

It's been great reading your stories! Thanks for sharing them 💐💐

Thank you for the kind words! And— *GASP* you gave me flowers? You’re so sweet! I offer you some candy in return! 🍫🍬🍬

So I started in this community just over six months ago, and since then my writing has flourished. Before then, the only time I wrote anything was for a writing assignment or an essay, or basic things along that line. I never really wrote anything creative, and quite frankly I didn’t know I could write in the way I do until about four years ago, when I started writing fanfictions with a friend.

Since then, I’ve written all kinds of things. I like to believe I draw my inspiration from the world and people around me. A lot of my ideas come from conversations with my friends, and what-if scenarios my brain throws at me in the most ungodly hours of the night. Of course, there are other places where I draw inspiration from, the people of this amazing community being many of them!

Anyway, hope that answers your questions! Thank you again for asking!

#thank you for asking! #although i don’t share your sentiments about my writing #anon you have no idea how nice it was to see this #asks #no writing #seriously this is so sweet #im going through a really dark time right now #i cant write anything #ive become reclusive again #and i freaking hate it #and when i finally broke and started crying today #it turned around and nearly killed me #im just tired of the cycle #it’s like my mental health and my life are in front of a firing squad #and i have to choose which one lives and which one dies #im afraid to let myself feel anything anymore because everything affects it #and im tired of it #im a young adult with an undisclosed chronic illness #and my emotions are directly tied to it #if youre confused as to why my emotions can kill me #anyway #and thank you for the flowers! #also sorry for the rant

[powderedwhiteviolets]

the most useless dating advice that i keep seeing crop up fecking everywhere on the internet is the whole “work on yourself before finding a date” line, because you just know the person saying it is a neurotypical who is largely ignorant of chronic mental illness or believes that having one is some kind of personality flaw rather than a medical condition

#people who are mentally ill are generally working on themselves all day and lemme tell you it is beyond exhausting #not everyone deals with mild anxiety and depression some of us have chronic serious issues that will take a lifetime to fix #so we can't really wait for the day that we are magically healed to start finding a worthwhile relationship #when that day could very well never come #it's especially insulting as a woman because not only are you fetishised for having a mental illness but you're also considered past #your sell-by date over a certain age #it all just feels so impossible sometimes #sorry if this isn't very structured the point is that 99% of internet dating advice is straight up garbage #and just do whatever feels right for u #personal

[spocksbedsidemanner]

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#so this group I'm in has a question of the day thing and today it was 'what's one thing that's improved your life' #and one person said antidepressants and that it's been amazing and they can go out and do things! which is so awesome! #and then someone replies to their post saying 'that's so sad. glad you're a little better and hope you can get happier' and I'm like #*poe frowning at paper meme* did you even READ what they SAID?? this is about stuff that improved our lives! #they said they can do things and it's great!! what is WRONG with abled ppl sometimes why would you take their happy post as a SAD THING??? #ughhh #just really irritated me #so i posted about my ostomy being the best thing to ever happen to me and replied to the first person saying how awesome that is for them #bc it is! meds or mobility aids or medical appliances are awesome and they help us feel like actual humans and live wonderful lives and #they should be celebrated when someone says that they appreciate theirs! #anyways #the mere mention of somebody being disabled/chronically ill/having mental illness is not sad #i think that's the point I'm trying to get at #i don't feel comfortable pointing that out in the server so i wanted to spew it here where nobody will read it lol #bedside manner personal #bedside rambles

[void-tiger]

Actually…? No. Tell me the odds. I need the likelihood of success and got nothing else to lose might as well try even if extremely unlikely. Because I need help sustaining the hope that everything’s gonna be okay and motivation to get there that I just can’t do for myself without burning out almost completely.

#tiger’s musings #mental health bullshit #…I am just. overwhelmed #by not knowing how to make this work #and being unable to beat the ED keeping me from taking the two steps that I DO know exist #because…I need a moral support body double. and one who won’t get disgusted as my lid flips the whole time I try to do this #and…I just can’t see someone WANTING to MAKE time for me. a small pocket. for us to both relax and catch our breath and enjoy eachother #I’m tired of ‘oh we’re totally friends Tiger!’ but. are we tho? #you set time aside for friends to either just. talk. share memes. or hang out no matter how infrequently #guess my love language really IS quality time #in addition to being very touch starved for Platonic Human Intimacy #and a side of acts of service. because…my chronic illness(es) force me to rely on others #beyond ‘I’d scratch your back if asked. can you please return the favor sometime so I don’t feel used.’ #…I’m just. I’m tired. I’m tired of giving out love platonically and feeling Liked but Disregarded #while things also falling apart when I’ve either decided to leave or have to leave due to neutral circumstances or because I’m hurting #I…feel like I’m being Expected to be the one to reach out…again…over Just a misunderstanding #but if I do. it has to be with ‘look I KNOW we miscommunicated but THIS is what hurt me and I NEEDED That acknowledged or clarified’ #but…the circumstances that led to the method being blamed for this miscommunication still. y’know. exist #so…what’s the point