#which isn't helping matters

[rawliverandgoronspice]

though I just want to put a caveat to my own gamedev takes, just so you're fully aware of where I'm coming from: while I'm starting to have a couple of years of gamedev under my belt (closer to 10 than to 5 let's say), my experience with AAA is overall limited to only a couple of years, it is a very western/european one (so not japanese, even if I have been in contact with the Japanese side of the industry on occasion), and a bulk of my time has been spent on AA or indie too. So while I'm starting to know a bunch of people, I Know Stories/Have Lived the Stories, and I'm getting experience under my belt, my observations are in no way all-encompassing and remain relatively surface-level compared to what someone who was there for forty years could be saying instead (there's not many of those but I have to assume some exist!), and they are, of course, very biased to my own experiences! keep an open mind, and remember I do be stupid and driven by hrrrgngngngn!!!! which, while being the standard gamedev experience, does not make me great at being objective or accessing a higher truth than most :/

#thoughts #personal #gamedev #ultimately still baby #:/ #and sleep deprived #which isn't helping matters #but there's a ton of formative gamedev memories I didn't unlock yet!! #never been laid off (yet)!! #never had a project cancelled five seconds before release!! #never got an outrighteous nightmarish experience with an overbearing indie Auteur!! #(though uhh this one is the most likely to happen and I did get issues just not to the point where it caused me Damage) #(also I'm afraid the overbearing indie Auteur is uhhh me probably for sure u_u) #(which does grant me a protection against facing similar entities maybe?? not really but I call bullshit very fast) #(some would say) #(too fast) #(maybe)

[megsamforever]

I'm reading through the Jinlan City tag for SVSSS on AO3 again (because canon divergences for that are one of my favorite things) and I love that so many authors agree that the best way to fix things is for Shen Qingqiu and/or Luo Binghe to simply burst into tears.

#honestly one of my favorite tropes and I will never be tired of it #they're both going about it the wrong way in canon #luo binghe is angry and slightly menacing #which does NOT help matters when shen qingqiu is terrified of him #so having one of them burst into tears is perfect #because it completely disarms the other and helps them figure out that the situation isn't what they thought #bingqiu #shen qingqiu #luo binghe #svsss

[uncanny-tranny]

Honestly, the craziest part of accessibility is that there aren't many abled people (and disabled people who aren't disabled in Every Way Possible) who wouldn't benefit from any of the accessibility options out there

ALT text has made it so much better to navigate image-based pages! I'm not visually-impared, but tumblr is terrible at loading images, and I'm not always connected to WiFi. People who add ALT text make it easy to satiate my curiosity when images don't load! This, coupled with actually learning how blind and visually-impared people navigate the online world, has inspired me to do my best to emulate the things I find helpful, even if the way it helps me is very different than theirs. Having a sense of scale in how it helps me versus how it actually makes the internet usable to the blind and visually-impared is something I do try to keep in mind.

Navigating a world with accessible options is primarily going to help the disabled, and it's imperative to keep this in mind. I do think, though, that illustrating just how much accessibility impacts even abled people's lives can help inspire people to think, "wow, I can't imagine a world without [accessibility option] and I don't need it, but it makes life so much easier." The more I interact with accessibility options I don't need, I still find it so helpful. I can't even imagine how amazing it is when you do need that accessibility and it's actually provided to you.

I don't think that abled people should only be in it for themselves. Again, accessibility should put disabled needs first and foremost. But I can't help but wonder how many people you can get to understand this by first saying how it impacts them, too.

#disability #accessibility #long post #ALT text is a perfect example of accessibility for not only the visually-impared but for a vast array of sighted people too #i don't want people to construe this as 'oh so only abled people matter in accessibility huh' because that isn't what i am saying #basically... it can be hard at times to viscerally experience a disability you don't have and to be accommodated for it #i learned a lot about how the blind and visually-impared internet population navigate the internet... #...and seeing how ALT text for instance has even helped *me* has me realize how important i found it... #...so i couldn't imagine just how important it is if you cannot see an image the way a sighted person would #it's things like that that can help teach abled people about how they even benefit from disability advocacy and don't even know it #ily accessibility (which is why i love to talk about it) #yet another post i composed while pausing skyrim (this is Actually a problem (lighthearted))

[freaky-flawless]

If you reblog, put in the notes what color you would call it.

#monster high #monster high g3 #clawdeen wolf #clawdeen wolf g3 #polls #id in alt #been wondering for a while what people think #its on my mind cuz i just got her g3 doll with plans to reroot it #her hairstyle isn't great either which certainly doesn't help #i gave her a new style until i can afford to get the hair for the reroot and it made me dislike it a little less #tbh idk what color to call it #its kinda mauve...? but its also not that pink #it looks pink because of the magenta in her hair #it looks like she bleached her hair then dyed it pink and this is how it looks after the pink washed out #i would really like to know the designers thought process with her hair color because it doesn't even make sense in canon #her mom's hair was legit purple and clawdeen's looks like a washed out dye job but its somehow natural...? #i kinda don't want to include the indifferent option #but its a perfectly valid opinion to have on the matter

[brittlebutch]

actually it's kind of funny how people will say Alex's fatal flaw is that he 'doesn't ask for help' and that it's his determination to handle things on his own that leads to his deterioration and eventual death when his whole introduction to the present-day timeline was a very literal cry for help that simply went ignored

#N posts stuff #like even if you think alex was lying throughout the entirety of season 2 and he was waiting from the Moment jay showed up #JUST to kill him (Which again i don't think makes much sense when he could have killed Tim & Jay immediately instead of #breaking Tim's leg. anyway) EVEN IF alex spent that whole time lying it doesn't actually change the fact that he would have at least #been Pretending to Ask For Help and if he wasn't lying then he was Literally Asking For Help and it doesn't Actually matter #what intention Alex had because the text is Ambiguous about Alex's honesty during season two; what isn't ambiguous is the way #other characters (specifically Jay) respond to him; like yeah - S2 Brian/Tim were never in one million years going to help Alex with shit #so sort of any argument that brings up Tim as someone who asks for/offers help is borderline meaningless in this era of the series #Jay had the 'opportunity' to help Alex (and i'll get back to that in a sec) but DIDN'T - Jay wasn't Interested in actually offering Alex #'help' bc Jay is ultimately curious about Answers and 'Offering Help' and 'Getting Answers' are two Wildly conflicting goals #Jay thinks Alex has answers and when Alex doesn't Offer these 'Answers' to Jay on a silver platter Jay gets pissed off and paranoid #and starts Stalking Alex bc he thinks it's 'Suspicious' that Alex won't give him the Answers (that Alex probably doesn't Actually have) #ANYWAY. ultimately this post is about how it's absurd when people argue #that individual character choices could have made a difference in the way this series played out - specifically wrt Alex #because EVERYONE in this WHOLE series are being affected by influences outside of their control ; including Brian Tim and Jay #so it's silly when people are like 'if ALEX had just made a different choice For Himself this could have all been avoided' WRONG. #bc Ultimately there's not really a way to 'help' someone else out of this situation - Tim tried and failed Repeatedly #the comics proved he even failed with Jessica - like MH isn't a horror situation where you can kill the big bad #'getting help' is a meaningless argument - what would successfully helping or getting help even look like? anyway. #the sub argument of this post is that Alex's biggest 'sin' is that he doesn't perform emotions the way other people want him to #like Alex is a character with a kind of flat affect - instead of LOOKING scared or grieved he LOOKS bored or angry #and everyone judges him based on that - so Alex is 'Suspicious' he's 'Lying' he's 'Guilty' but all of these deductions are predicated #on the belief that Alex isn't reacting to his circumstances the way a 'Normal' person would - so it MUST all be an act and so he's guilty #so everyone treats him like he's guilty until the end of season two when he's like 'Fuck it FINE i'll be guilty then' and so it goes #not a self-fulfilled prophecy but being Cornered Into a prophecy and then Blamed for it - SAD. anyway

[nozomijoestar]

Asuka is a tragic figure, a figure of mystery, a wild card, all because the only thing she wants in life is peace and quiet for herself and to feel in control- yet her secret heritage that may be hidden from her for her own protection and the reality that life is unpredictable and will go on with or without you keep ruining that delusion, that vision of how the world is meant to work to her, and she suffers regardless of what she wants, what she does, and how little she understands anything

She was born into a family preaching peace and balance and order while being a creature of violence, and puts a dozen mental locks and excuses over this truth to justify giving into her impulse for fighting by pretending she's justice when she does it

She keeps trying to build a place of safety but she's using sand and life is a wave that destroys, yet she stubbornly persists rather than give up, not drowned to the point of self centered suicidal loathing like Jin- there's contrast, where Jin is cloaked in death Asuka stubbornly clings to life and humanity as a normal person in a terrifying world

She's not a fucking narrative clone for Jun's own purpose, Asuka's purpose must be determined by Asuka herself

#tekken #Jin is born of two worlds Jun walks between two worlds Asuka is at the crossroads of two worlds #Jin is broken by it Jun traded part of her humanity to reconcile it and now Asuka has to accept it yet persist- she is always persisting #that's her strength that no matter what she's always still herself #'For being so very Y o u' as Lili told her bc she sees it #she's an interesting character BECAUSE she's not Jun and she's not Jin and she's not aligned with them entirely #stop waiting for her to be something she's not #also i think it's GOOD she doesn't know everything or everyone in her family bc that builds mystery and suspense #it gives everything a tension in the background for when the normalcy charade will be broken by the bigger family drama catching up w her #what's happening to the Mishimas should be something no one is dragged into yet the one family member who's the least connected #is going to run out of time at some point and get hit by that trauma anyway and she doesn't even Know it's coming for her eventually #isn't it fucked up. how everything catches up with you in the end #and you won't even understand it until it's too late ie. her involvement in T8 global war now #also a character that wants peace and order but actively pursues violence ensuring she will never truly have those things bc of her nature #AND she's already been traumatized by T5 Feng and T6 Jin that just makes her retreat to seeking comfort in detachment- in the familiar #which only prolongs her avoiding the world outside what she can control- and then Lili won't let her live in ignorance not to punish her #but bc she wants to help her bc the Mishimas have already put their claws in Lili- they won't catch Asuka off guard #what is it with people sanitizing the messiness and humanity characters represent in favor of 'If they just acted logically the way I want #then they'd solve the entire story 1 2 3 and we'll have everything wrapped up easy' THAT'S NOT A STORY THAT'S A MATH EQUATION #FEEL SOMETHING INSTEAD OF ALWAYS NEEDING TO SOUND SMART AND HAVE PERFECT ANSWERS YOU STUPID FUCKS #IN TRYING TO MAKE EVERYTHING HAVE A PERFECT SOLUTION YOU'VE LOST SIGHT OF WHAT'S IN THE TEXT #AND ALSO ASUKA BEING VIOLENT BUT STILL CARING ABOUT PEOPLE AND DOING GOOD DESPITE IT #and AsuLili is about two similar people who've been traumatized finding safety in each other once they put down the trauma responses #this is all in line with T8's tagline of Face Your Fate btw this is literally what was always coming finding you & you face it

[rinofwater]

Inside me are two wolves and one of them says "you took Japanese in high school, you should keep that up and take this spin-off novel as a challenge to push you to pick it back up" and the other says "that's going to take FOREVER to get good enough with to actually be able to read the bitch just put it through a translator" and then the first side says "but auto-translators are hit-or-miss with accuracy, or did you want another visit of sir Drug Dealer with his magical Marijuana Sword?" and then the second side says "it'll be close enough! Probably! And you need more than hiragana to read this, you just do!"

Conclusion: send help please

#mononoke anime #i can read kusuriuri! that's gotta be enough! #(it is absolutely nowhere close to enough) #i tried putting it through ichigo translator but it was leaving large swathes of the page untranslated which is...less than helpful #anyway if any of yall are fluent enough in japanese to get a fan translation in the works faster than i can speedrun duolingo #i will literally pay you to help a starving desperate bitch out #and it doesnt help that im like #'oh ive been getting better at reading mandarin hanzi and there does seem to be a lot of overlap should be a breeze' #but the overlap isn't 100% so i cant trust that just because i recognize a character i can actually figure out the meaning #and it doesnt matter anyway because im only recognizing like 1 or 2 kanji per line

[necro-hamster]

ppl defending ai art by completely ignoring the genuine major issues that people have with it and pretending like ppl r just mad because they're Art Elitists and think that art should only be made through Suffering instead of being easy are some of the most embarrassing ppl tumblr has been recommending to me lately

#kris.txt #''erm well claiming that using art for databases is wrong just means you're defending ip laws'' #no actually i just don't think artists individual pieces should be used in a way they didn't consent to. #hope this helps #the issue isn't that ppl r ripping off a style or whatever #it's that they're taking work without permission #feeding it into a machine #and then often monetizing the result #it's a matter of consent #if an artist said they were fine with their stuff being used #and was compensated in some way #then it'd be totally fine #or if they used like public domain stuff then it'd be no problem #ai is specifically being used against artists not for them #which is a shame because i do think it could be a good tool

[walker-lister]

I just have to remind myself sometimes that no matter what anyone else says, the way a piece of media makes me feel and the positive impact it has had on my queer identity is valid, and that tearing myself apart thinking I have to defend it or questioning my own place within queer communities is not at all important when compared to the almost tangible sense of 'rightness' that piece of media helped me to feel about myself.

#just something i've been pondering the last few days #kind of like no matter how much people debate or i suppose theoretically deconstruct media featuring queer stories #the most important thing is how it makes a queer person feel #and I do think it is of course a good thing to ensure queer stories are executed with respect and authenticity #but there's this grey area in fandom spaces in which people may have found rep from a 'unreliable' source i suppose #or something which is queerbaiting- sherlock springs to mind for example yet if people have been able to explore and nurture their own #queerness through that media does that therefore mean their experience is invalid? i don't think so #and my worry is the more we focus on theory the less we focus on emotion and therefore the actual queer experience itself #and sure theory can inform the queer experience and ensure the media is a 'healthy' site of queer identity formation and identity aid #but at the same time scorning or being rude to those who have found certain media an aid is not the right approach to be taking #especially as queer experiences are so wide ranging that one person's idea of 'good' representation is someone's else's of 'bad' #and that unless a piece of media is clearly offensive in its portrayal of queer experience there has to be some benefit of doubt #I think we're still in a period of progression in media espc tv where queer creators are coming to the fore of their own stories #and we've got to 'live and let live' a little about where people are finding sights of queer validation and joy #and perhaps this a naive and simplistic way of thinking but i think queer people can either recognise when something isn't the best rep #but was helpful for them anyway and therefore in a way confer 'ownership' of the media to themselves in how they engage #or there is variety in queer experiences represented in media so that perhaps not everyone finds a 'site' of rep but that does not #therefore invalidate it or make it 'bad' representation #this is just my opinion and it'd be hypocritical for me to not now mention this is only formed from my own queer experience lol #so i'm not trying to tell anyone how to feel or anything just something i'm pondering

[dove-da-birb]

hi!!!!!

ALORS AUJOURDUI JE WAKED UP ET REALISER QUE J'AI LAISSER MES PETIT GATEAUS DANS LE FOUR ALORS JE CHEKED ON IT ET JE REGARDER LE TEMPS ET JE VOIR QUE C'EST 3 AM ET QUE oui jai laisser les petits gateux mais ma maman a offed le four so everything is fine how r u

Hi Red!

*brain not computing so google translates it*

Glad the cakes worked out for you!

My day *looks at the clock* started 19 minutes ago and I'm going to bed shortly :3

#red! #i'm also not wearing my glasses which isn't helping matters

[monards]

i know hoyo is setting up rhine to have good intent and whatever in her trying to 'save' khaneri'ah or whatever; but i REALLY hope they stay with the cruel persona thats been built up for her. because it would be so wonderful to see a character who had good intent in the beginning just get absolutely corrupted; with the inability to ever go back to that prior state purely because of what had happened. also because there is NO way in her turning back after all that shit

#sorry. i dont think theres any good and plausible explanation for rhine to still be a kind or gentle person in general #she can (and SHOULD) have her moments. but it'd make so much more sense (and be much more impactful) for her to be inherently cruel #because look at all the stuff thats happened #i love the indomitable human spirit trope. dont get me wrong. #but rhine has that in the way she WONT stop her research till shes either dead or murdered. she is not gonna be gentle kind and optimistic #she watched all her kids (that she was SHOWN to care for) get very brutally murdered. #had to then go and kill her next creations that she didn't consider perfect (which most certainly fucks a women up. no matter what you say) #made the 'perfect creation' and the way she treated him was obviously a HUGE contrast to how she was before (being gentle and nuturing) #and left him (albeit with what we can guess was good intent) with NO goodbye just #a recommendation letter. a text. and his final mission #she could have good intent #and still care for others #dont get me wrong!!!!!!! #but shes. human??? #humans can be (as much as i hate to say it) a tad selfish when it comes to survival #and being antagonized demonized AND shunned by teyvat and even her own people. having to survive multiple gods wrath #isn't. gonna be good for the human psych #and it isn't gonna be something fixable #look at how furina progressively faltered over a hundered years WHILE being adored #she already started waning in her ethics and morals (as someone immortalized as a human WOULD) #with exposing lyney and all of that when it was VERY clearly the morally wrong thing to do (which her as a human would know) #and being relatively pessimistic and clearly spiralling #(no hate. i love furina with all my heart.) #if thats how FURINA started going #imagine rhine who has nobody (save maybe alice. but i doubt she'd be constant given her spontaneous nature and refusal to sit still) #shit man. even I'D go crazy and be horrible. #its okay and natural to be bitter #and its not as if anybody was there to help #hexenzirkel has a ton of women who survived their own nations falling yes #but not ONE of them (from what we know) has had circumstances any where near rhine's

[twpsyn-who]

Talking a little bit about 'boycotting Eurovision' under Keep Reading, feel free to scroll down if is not what you want to see.

The most used argument on the matter of banning Israel from Eurovision is the fact that Russia got banned from Eurovision, which is the worst argument anyone could bring.

Kindly reminder that Russia didn't get banned because of the war with Ukraine. Russia got banned because many countries has threatened to withdraw from the competition. Sadly, that's a big difference.

Yes, the countries has threatened to withdraw because they support Ukraine and see Russia as the party in the wrong. That was their reason. EBU's reason for banning Russian was because those countries threatened to withdraw, not because the war was bad and Russia must be stopped.

This situation isn't the same. Why? Because many countries support Israel in their genocide. Because this time around Palestine is the party in the wrong. Because we're taught to believe that Israel isn't in the wrong here.**

Boycotting Eurovision won't work. There are people out there who don't know the truth and want to watch Eurovision. There are people out there who don't care and will watch Eurovision regardless of the situation. There are people out there who, despite having the facts, still don't see Israel as the bad guy in this situation and will watch Eurovision. Sadly, boycotting won't work unless everyone does it.

The only way Israel will get banned, in my opinion, is by going through the same thing as Russia. If other countries threatened to withdraw- and not any countries, but the ones investing the most in Eurovision, then yes. That will get Israel banned.

Otherwise? The only thing we do is hurt artists that don't deserve it. Artists who use Eurovision as a way to get more exposure and experience. Artists who deserve to be heard.

Don't vote for Israel's entry. Don't stream their song either. Heck, turn off the TV when is their turn to perform.

**This whole situation (the war, not Eurovision) isn't only black and white. Civilians die daily because of this, all of them from both sides. Innocent people who has no fault. Let's not forget that

#Honestly I'm tired of the whole 'Russia got banned Israel should be banned too' speech because is truly bullshit #It has nothing to do with the war per se. It was because countries were unwilling to participate in support for Ukraine #If the whole situation was truly political then other countries wouldn't be able to participate either #Is it fair? No. But that's the situation #Alas Eurovision exist so we forget about the bad in the world for a bit and be more united. Have some fun. Stuff like that #I'm going to get so much hate over this omg. But this is just my opinion/point of view on the matter #Sadly this whole situation isn't even about helping the innocent put in danger by this situation. Is about hate like everything else #My wording is so shitty but people on the internet don't understand shit unless I call 'X bad Y good' so we go with that #eurovision 2024 #Also another reminder that THE WHOLE AUDIENCE chanted 'Cha Cha Cha' during eurovision 2023 and were rotting for Finland to win just to lose #Many entries got fucked up by the jury votes too. Our opinion doesn't matter as much as some of you might think lol #Jury votes GOT CHANGED during another eurovision under shitty reasons (I can't remember which year but there were 5 or 6 countries who got #their votes changed). Eurovision has never been fair #We always get annoyed over it and trash talk it then watch it the next year #Also this is not the same as boycotting brands and shit like that who support Israel. No money go from Eurovision to Israel. #This competition as far as I am aware (please correct me if I'm wrong) doesn't support Israel in any way #Be it financially or by donating arms or any other way #Their only fault is for allowing Israel to participate. That's all #Weapons* don't ask me why I said arms instead sorry #i'm tired lol #Fair warning I won't answer any replies to this post

[dreaming-dreamer]

my birthday's in a few days, anyone got some $$$ to spare for a struggling first gen black college student to help pay off her therapy bills? info below the cut

cashapp: $lavenderlxqnn

venmo: @lavenderlxqnn

paypal: @lxqnn

#they're at like. $300 now #which isn't bad but huge to me/i Don't Have That money unfortunately #like ummm my xmas money from my parents (combined) was $100........ #babygirl's got two part-time jobs but they have a cap on hrs students can work oncampussss #anyways. im a girlboss in the making but being poor in the meantime really really sucks #but thankfully!! the therapy is helping a Lot w being happy/achieving goals #signal boost #donations #mutual aid #my bday's new years eve if youve read this far!! #money #888 #777 #(funfact each part of my name has 7 letters! so 777 is literally me!!!) #black lives matter #black girl magic

[mibkid]

4 things my friends called me during NCV (a con) but it just get's more unhinged.

Momfriend(i haven't been called that in ages, but it made a re-apperance)

Puppy(sigh, apparently i behave like an exitable puppy sometimes)

Golden retriever (...has everything to do w the same sitch as above and my... friendlynes??)

Twink (to clarify, i'm a girl, but it was late everyone was drunk on tiredness and i was dressed as Langa.)

disclaimer, they meant everything w love ofc. <3 just in their own way LMAO.

#Yes i am still pouting over being called a puppy #WHICH ISN'T HELPING W THE ALLEGATIONS #rambles #convention stuff #convention #cosplay #cosplay babble #i recently also had a revelation where i can see why they called me that #insert the wall of yappery i do on a constant basis #u think i am yappy here? #you should see my dm's #or hear my convos irl for that matter #I'm yappy mc yapperson #insert a wall of text #and how exitable i am w friends #GOD I AM NOT HELPING MYSELF W THIS #I HATE THAT I'M STARTING TO SEE THEIR POINT

[andthebeanstalk]

The cool thing about a horror movie that takes place in a mental hospital and, shockingly, actually turns out to be on the side of mentally ill people is that it avoids all the common disgusting pitfalls of mocking, demonizing, and infantilizing mentally ill people.

The downside is

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!

[It's much scarier.]

#original #smile movie #smile 2022 #I'm literally two scenes in #it could definitely become ableist by the end of the movie but I'm kind of obsessed so far? #like nothing is scarier to me than the lack of quality help and validation available to victims of trauma! and this movie is LEANING INTO IT #which is way scarier and also way truer and more important to talk about than a looney bin filled with lunatics who want to murder you #like that's literally a concept based solely on people's ableist fears. #same with horror movie monsters that are just people with facial deformities or congenital disorders or just... people who are poor #(the hillbilly cannibal trope is just MAN POOR PEOPLE ARE SCARY HUH. it's garbage.) #what's ACTUALLY a horror is the way these people are treated! and that INCLUDES how they are portrayed in media! #because guess what? ghosts aren't real and an abandoned mental hospital can't hurt you #but you know what can? a doctor who doesn't believe you. a system built on neglect. THAT'S the horror we need to talk about. #and THAT is why I am going to have to watch this movie in short installments over a few days #and let me be clear: i am alive today bc of a mental hospital's IOP/PHP program. i stopped being suicidal after YEARS bc of that program #mental hospitals CAN and SHOULD be GOOD THINGS ACTUALLY. but in countries with shitty healthcare that's very hard to find. #it is also why it is my life's work to build a treatment center that PROVES we can do this ethically and with compassion #life is worth living #and the American Healthcare industry can die just the same as any other giant or dragon. empires have fallen before. it is not immortal. #YOU reading this matter. stay safe. please. it isn't the end yet. i love you.

[echoofawind]

.

#i need things to look forward to #i think this is the point in my period where I'm just sad no matter what #it means i don't feel like eating #which isn't good and compounds the issue #I'm in a 'what's the point' mood. which isn't good and i don't want to be in that. #i can't seem to pinpoint the cause #sure work is probably a contributing factor. i haven't seen friends in a while which also doesn't help #i can't tell if this stuff is making me tired or if I'm actually tired