#while not being aware that was a thing??

[danikatze]

ID in alt text

Without realizing it I'd already drawn half of the Mighty Nein in the past couple of weeks, so I might as well finish what I started hahah. So Jester and/or Veth next!

#I always use a mechanical pencil and I found coloured lead refills #I got them when I'd nearly finished this so the bg was just a lil test #maybe I'll do some more experimenting later #I've always disliked coloured pencils but maybe it's different with mechanical pencil hahah #*disliked drawing with - cause I do like the effect #the green is not very pigmented sadly #beauregard lionett #yasha nydoorin #beauyasha #critical role #critical role fanart #danikunst #Edit: what the heck did I really post a BeauYasha drawing on the first day of BeauYasha week #while not being aware that was a thing?? #amazing #beauyashaweek2022 #3 #pencil

[inkskinned]

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility #but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion #that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone #i am an environmental educator #so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering #that people are going through #without doing my research and providing real ways to help #this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning #to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering #unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this #and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this #and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity #(complaining) #and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself #for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion #i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out #rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually. #my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free #is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY. #anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i #which is more than their CEOs can say

[carrotkicks]

can't recognize. can't feel. can't. can't.

#see while i think there's some awareness inside the vampirized characters i also think. they have no idea what's going on around them. #like maybe they're operating on a base set of instincts and reactions #so like. chuuya wakes up. and has no idea what the heck is happening. #also also. i purposefully ended the comic before chuuya gets to touch dazai. something about his grief and pain always being denied #his inability to physically comfort dazai in the way dazai does for him. #hmmmmmmmmmmmmm sorry. every thing i draw has a purpose even if it looks shitty. #doodles #bsd #skk #chuuya #dazai #bungo stray dogs #bsd 109 #comic

[lovesickeros]

☆ love; heretical and divine

{☆} characters tsaritsa {☆} notes cult au, yandere, drabble, gender neutral reader {☆} warnings blood {☆} word count 0.8k

To love a God is heretical. It is an act of blasphemy– it is to drag them down from their throne of hollow gold, to topple the pedestal the worshipers uphold on their shoulders like lambs at the herders heel. It is the act of forcing them to their knees and ripping that beating heart of glorious gold and beautiful, cruel divinity from their chest, so pure it burns.

To love a God is to make them sin. To make them painfully, horribly human.

To love a God is to sin.

The love of a worshiper is no love at all, brilliant in its raw purity, untainted by sin. It is fear and obedience masked by adoration so overpowering it corrupts. It makes the lamb so unquestioning in it's faith it will never question the knife that cuts, the teeth that rip, the claws that tear. If the Creator deemed them unworthy of the very life crafted by their hands, then they must have committed a sin so grave there lay no salvation for their horrid soul.

But she is no worshiper– her lips speak of heresy as easily as she breathes, her words nothing but lies, cold and cruel like the ice that crawls along her skin like webs.

She loves a God like a lover should.

A damned sinner reaching longingly for the heavens.

She loves a God in the subtle brush of their lips, their muffled voices behind closed doors as they indulge in curiosity untamed. She is a sinner through and through, but she feels herself fall further with every brush of her hand across their cheeks, every touch she bestows upon them like a lover. She memorizes the imperfections of their body like memorizing a map– every scar, every mark, every line drawn on their body like a canvas, her touch the brush that stains the pristine white.

No devoted lamb shall ever see the painting they create in these stolen moments– it is for the eyes of a heretic so vile it makes them shudder, their body dirtied by the love of a woman so vile even their divinity is obscured by the ice.

The lambs may be satisfied with fleeting glimpses of gold and empty words from lips that guide them to the jaws of the wolves, but she is not. Her hands crave them like a starving hound, aching to touch that imperfect skin hidden by the veil of gold that obscures the painfully human body beneath. She longs to free them from the golden cage that binds them– to see their wings blot out the sky, their divinity tainted by sin and making them all the more beautiful for it.

It is a longing that leaves a festering wound that cannot heal, will not heal. Even if it could, she would not let it.

For as much as she tries, deny it as she may, she is no better then the blind lambs following the herder who holds a blade in their hand, glittering like gold in the sun, stained by dull red.

She is a fool, and what a fool they make of her with the touch of their hands against her skin– so cold it leaves frost on their fingertips. Yet they do not fear the cold, mapping out every inch of her imperfections, carved into her body by her own hands.

She has always been a heretic, cursing the divine until she could speak no more, but if divinity can be found in them – in this love that consumes, that burns her hands and her lips – then she is a Saint, praying at the altar until her throat bled.

But in the end, she has and will always be a cold woman with hands stained with blood. Until it is all she can taste, until it is all she can smell, until it is all she can feel. These hands of hers, heretical and divine, will bleed the God from their veins– she will become the wolf to their lamb until the rivers of Teyvat run gold with their ichor, until the gold bleeds into red, the taste of their divinity on her tongue.

Until she drags a God from their lofty throne and makes of them a monster.

There is no greater triumph to the heretic then to love a God into sin. To make a God sin to love.

To love is to be human, and they are no God.

Even if she must tear the gold from their very being until all that's left is something human. Even if Teyvat crumbles and decays, even if it begins over and over again..

She will do it again and again, until the gold can bleed no longer. Until her sins grow too great for Teyvat to contain.

To love a God is to devour, and be devoured. An endless cycle of sin that dulls the glow of gold into something new– something horrifying and divine, in it's own right. Something just as horrid as her, just as divinely corrupted by the sins she carries on her shoulders like a trophy, as gold as the sun and as cold as ice.

Divinity, carved into something human by love all consuming, until it all bleeds away and they begin their dance anew, for as many cycles as it takes.

An eternity, if she must, of dooming this world of theirs to fire and decay for a glimpse of the being snared by their golden shackles.

#sagau #genshin sagau #self aware genshin #genshin impact sagau #self aware genshin impact #genshin cult au #genshin impact cult au #fic tag #tsaritsa #tsaritsa x reader #rip 2 anyone who expected like. a normal fic lol. lmao. #im very normal abt the tsaritsa and love its so tasty #i left it very up to interpretation what like. actually happens but. yknow. #i just think tsaritsa being the god of love and not knowing how 2 love without being weird abt it is fun #also wanted to dig into the concept of reader being fundamentally changed by being the creator besides gold blood yknow #but the tsaritsa Knows its changed you and she hates it. she hates it but how does one destroy what is divine? #how do you destroy the very thing that has created you in its hands so cruel and kind? #ive really gone off the deep end huh #this is a warning 2 the normal ppl u might as well leave now. lol #lowkey going for her actually straight up eating u but decided that was too weird for my first fic in a while. had 2 tone it down #i also wanted to add a bit of a concept of the constant resets teyvat goes through and how it plays into the themes #the tsaritsa constantly stuck in a cycle of getting rid of your divinity to be with you as you actually are but teyvat “dies” shortly after #bc obvs ur not the creator afterward so it just croaks and then it all resets again and again #but its the tsaritsa we r talking abt do u think that stops her. NO #obvs still up 2 interpretation go wild this was just what i intended #can u tell i have a lot of feelings abt tsaritsa and concepts of love from her pov. haha. I PROMISE IM NORMAL #i am mentally well why do u ask #what warnings do i add here. dont open this fic ive lost it maybe. yeah #covid rewiring my brain or smth idk man

[genericpuff]

vent post

#and before anyone who hates my shit says “yeah because you ARE a loser way to have self awareness for once” #i promise you this would be me with or without the LO fandom LMAO #anxiety is a hell of a thing #and as much as i internally guilt myself into thinking it would be better if i just shut up and hid away forever #i also know that's the trauma speaking because the adults around me always told me to shut up #and even as an adult i still encounter people who talk over me and make me feel like i'm not allowed to be outspoken #but the pen is mightier than the sword and all those years i've spent being spoken over i've been honing my penmanship #i have fun talking about the things i talk about and i don't have any less right than anyone else to do it #i am cringe and i am free #self post #vent post #altho on another note i do wanna make time this week to go find new series to read #too many of my favorites have turned to shit and it's taken its toll #i KNOW there are better comics out there that are genuinely well made #i already have a few that i'm reading that i love but i need to balance out the good with the bad more lol #i just need to take the time to go find good stuff instead of pouring so much of my attention into the bullshit that doesn't deserve my tim #i think both things can be true #i can have a lot of fun dissecting and writing about series i don't like #while also nourishing myself with good works that restore my faith in this medium #“perfectly balanced as all things should be”

[chirpsythismorning]

Byler is a slow burn y’all!

While it’s possible milkvan could break up in early s5, or maybe they consider their fallout in s4 their breakup and are only now addressing it and how they’ve realized they’ve been better off as friends over the last year, it’s still gonna take some time for byler to confront everything over the last few years and both get to a point where they have clarity about their own feelings and finally accept that the other one feels the same.

I don’t think there’s enough time to explore all of that before Mike and El have that talk on the roof, or even shortly after that, even if it’s post-time jump.

It will still be interesting to see where Mike and Will are at in their relationship by the time the time jump rolls around.

It’s unlikely the painting will have been addressed without us witnessing it, unless they decide to throw in a flashback at some point if it happened during the time jump.

Which means there is still a lot they need to talk about, let alone for them be literally dating.

I think it’s also possible Will won’t know Mike and El are over for real, not until Mike or El tell him and the others.

What this might result in is an episode or two of Mike pining for Will (single 😁) while Will is none the wiser and maybe even trying to keep his distance, now under the assumption that Mike wants space to be alone with El since they’ve finally reconciled once and for all.

There’s gonna need to be episodes exploring their dynamic as friends that can be something more if they want to be and how they navigate that and how obvious it is that, in contrast to Mike and El, while they are indeed friends, they work even better as being something more too.

They’ve invested the entire series to building this up, in a way that most of the audience missed. They need to spend some time now making it obvious so that people can rewatch a lot of their scenes for what they truly are (romantic) now that they know the truth, as opposed to just being ambushed with them being together.

I need people that didn’t even want it to happen to have to endure the tension all season long, to the point where they’re screaming at their screen JUST KISS ALREADY! GET IT OVER WITH! JESUS CHRIST!

#byler #stranger things #I could see the tension being insane #leading up to an almost kiss #then maybe a final boss fight for old times sake #then ending all that tension with a kiss #cementing the fact that they’ve wanted to kiss all those tension filled arguments before #that their complicated (romantic) feelings has been the crux of a lot of their problems in the first place #and them finally confronting it being what allows them to both evolve by being true to themselves #and then dealing with the aftermath #I could see them being ‘dating’ at least in a vague sense #after they kiss and are aware of each others feelings #landing us somewhere around episode 5x06-5x07 #but reminder 7 is the episode from the blurry grid that ended with a bunch of green marker… #it’s possible we the audience could be aware of mike’s feelings for will as early on as 5x01 even #but I don’t see them having will be outright aware of it until a little bit later #the angst of witnessing mike pine while will pines simultaneously #asssuming he’s going crazy alone… #😏 #I understand the duality of wanting all of this AND established byler #but byler is already established… #once they realize their feelings and get together #it will re-contextualize all their previous moments in a way that literally establishes they been something more for a long time #even if they didn’t realize it until now

[mirabel-on-a-bicycle]

Watching Wille having to constantly call Simon, the boy whose singing he'd loved so much, whose voice had been the light of his life since the moment he saw him, and struggle to form the right words to tell that him he couldn't do that anymore?? for his sake?? Him scoffing at "everything he does represents you and the royal house" before ending up repeating the exact same lines to Simon???

Watching him feel the disappointment in himself as he tried to reassure Simon that the photos were cute, that his singing was beautiful, before inevitably passing on his own restrictions to him??? That was a different kind of pain. 🙂👍🏼

#Simon really went from constantly hearing wille telling him that he loved his singing to him calling him and saying THAT #Wille on the other hand actually had to do that thing while being fully aware of what that meant. MORTIFYING. HORRIBLE. I HATED IT THANKS. #young royals #prince wilhelm #simon eriksson #young royals analysis #yr s3 spoilers #young royals season 3

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

saw some speculation on FranklyDear in relation to the audios and i want to toss my two cents in

so all the thing's i've been seeing have been people talking about how they're a couple, but they're not acting like it, so that must be Playfellow's influence making them put distance between each other

but i immediately interpreted it as - they're not there yet. there might be feelings, but they aren't Together. cause in the 14 bug audios, i feel like it's pretty clear that these are snapshots of the neighborhood outside of the show. cameras aren't rolling, there are no influences, it's the neighbors just Existing on their own dime

'cause the conversations are more natural! the characters seem more nuanced! there aren't any sound effects! so if FranklyDear is already established, wouldn't we have "seen" that in their shared audio 8-14? wouldn't Eddie have just called Frank Frank, without the immediate (and somewhat flustered) correction to Mr. Frankly? and wouldn't Frank call him Eddie instead of Mr. Dear? plus, idk about y'all, but that scene was a lil romantically charged. a little flirty - especially from Frank's side. the kind of tension you get from budding emotions, not fully-realized ones

they just seem to be in a before state. the beginning stages. and anyway, i remember Clown saying that revealing FranklyDear as an endgame couple was sort of an Accident? i think we were meant to watch it evolve and figure it out along with the characters, the way we will with any other relationships (that we Definitely are not aware of / confident about yet).

we're still only in the prologue of the story, so it'd make so much sense if Frank and Eddie are not yet Involved. we're on this journey With them

#in a parallel universe there are people arguing over whether or not frank & eddie are a Thing #im kinda thankful that's not our reality lol #i think it's going to be fun just sitting back Fully Aware and watching these two Go Through It #i just highly highly HIGHLY doubt they're already together #plus how much more fun would it be to watch it Happen? #to see them experience the conflict and feelings and realizations and how their interactions will likely Change Accordingly #homebogging #welcome home theory #welcome home speculation #before the audios i had a feeling that it would be eddie being the more up-front flirty go-getter of the two #based on clown's art of them & such #but then with the audios eddie is a little more... reserved isnt the right word.... #polite? restrained? trying to keep things Amicable and Professional? #cause in 8-14 frank was the more relaxed teasing one while eddie was a bit of a flustered mess #which might've been because of the bug #but yk... he Did rush to correct himself on how he addressed frank... #and the way frank spoke... idk it just sounded like a slightly different Tone than what they usually speak with #more of a casual drawl. more forward - there was a Weight to it #and the 'you don’t need to be that familiar with them in order to get to know them better' #imo that line stuck out as a kind of a wink wink nudge nudge thing #like a Hey. We Could Get To Know Each Other. #twas a classic 'talking about one thing while saying another' phrase - again imo #oh and also its just occurring to me #if the bug audios are 'present day' like i suspect #its entirely possible that franklydear can only 'now' develop bc theyre - well theyre not exactly Free #but playfellow is no longer 'ruling' over them. the influence and pressure - no matter how subconcious it was - is no longer there #freeing them up just enough to maybe... just maybe... truly Feel and perhaps Express interest in each other #just a thought! #that would be another tally in the box explaining why their interaction in the 8-14 audio was Different #there isn't anything holding them back anymore beyond their (possible) own internalized biases & fears & expectations etc

[renaultmograine]

Realized that a lot of people didn't watch Metzen's panel and everyone's really missing out on how he's both "I love Warcraft and I'm so happy to be back I love you guys 😊" and "Oh god they ruined it. They ruined everything. They ruined my baby and I have to fucking fix it because I'm the only one who fucking cares about it" during it.

#“we are trying to establish a THUNDERING heartbeat for this franchise” things you only say when your franchise is currently on life support #honestly watch his full panel. its like 15 mins. he really inspires hope for the future while being self aware of the weight on him. #metzens always done really well at hyping shit up and everyone there is thrilled to have him back; as we all are i think #its a really good energy and makes me excited to play wow for the first time in... well since they said metzen came back in dec. #but since like. 9.0 #and really 8.3 was more exciting imo. #warcraft

[madamemiz]

small things i've been turning in my head like a microwave: when the dca is rebooted, the eye representing moon remains red just as sun's stays yellow. i know we all love pre-virus blue-eyed moon, but i think that detail cements that moon has always had red eyes

also, while there's still room for interpretation, i think the dlc heavily supports the shared headspace headcanon. sun is trapped in their head, but he’s hands down the most aware of their situation between them. moon screams at him that his plan won't work, for sun to take his nap. they both refer to themselves as "us" and "we" multiple times. and, most importantly, there's the jumpscare with the classic fanon moment of sun's rays popping out that moon hastily shoves back in--sun is aware enough of their surroundings despite being inactive that he tries (and fails) to stop him

#fnaf sb #fnaf daycare attendant #fnaf sun #fnaf moon #fnaf eclipse #fnaf ruin #ruin spoilers #oof so many tags now jsbdjzng #i know the shared headspace thing has been the general consensus of the fandom for a while but #tbh i always subscribed more to the idea that when one is aware the other is not #but canon shared headspace (or at least dual awareness--i guess how much they can actually communicate is unclear) #makes their situation so much worse. virused moon being locked away and forced to watch sun pretend everything is fine #while the corruption eats away at him. at -them- #anyway. thinking

[beanghostprincess]

i know i did not just lose a mutual over lawlu bc they said it was problematic. as if luffy, a 19 y/o, didn't have enough critical thinking to do whatever the fuck he wants.

#AND ALSO I'M 19 TOO??? #as if i were sexualizing a minor (thing he isn't btw) when he's literally my age #like quite literally our birthdays are exactly a week apart lmao that's so funny #but fr law is a complete failguy wdym it's problematic lmaoooo #I'VE MADE OUT WITH 25 YEAR OLDS BEING 19 AND I HAD CRITICAL THINKING AND I WAS AWARE WHILE DOING IT #like okay large age gap or whatever do you truly think 19 y/os are that fuckinf stupid #and do you really think law is that evil (he isn't he's a sweetie) to do anything to luffy like c'mon #and also the relationship is healthy in canon??? they're so sweet??? like #i can't do this anymore #one piece #lawlu

[lunarharp]

Very important conferences.

#witch hat tag #orufrey #some real serious discussions goin on in this atelier today. dont u doubt it. #agott is the only one who has ever thought about this because she is a 12 year old lesbian and UMM..FRIEND? LIKE FRIEND? IS THAT..LEGAL??? #this is all i drew today because silly things like this take hours lol. at least it's practice for poses -_- #i got the pattern of the girls' dresses wrong but i couldn't be bothered to change halfway through. #don't worry if you're like what is the naakiwan downs. is that name even mentioned in the main manga #ANYWAY i KEEP thinking about what if it's actually banned for professors and watchful eyes to date like that would make a lot of sense. #like maybe it should be banned. SO??? are they just low-key Aware of what the deal is and they're just Putting their feelings aside #until graduation??? take my tassel as an unspoken reminder of how i feel?? living together trial period?? this feels like it's truly it #When we're free to be together........ Sensei loves homophobia parallels without there actually being homophobia #Let's invent reasons why men cant be together. Ummm well whatever. i'm screaming in my head but it's fine. #this will probably form the theme of my orufrey for a while. i've thought of this before but for some reason today it's big for me. #i guess the tassels might not specifically be a part of that since they exchanged them before tower of books #and qifrey made his mysterious decision to be a teacher after that and..well whatever. I need more of backstory and just..everything? #But i also don't mind when vinanna interrupts my wishes with just a chapter of just being really dreamy? I love witch hat?

[astranauticus]

stultifera navis rerun AKA thinking about Iberia hours again because a lot of the Iberians have such fascinating relationships with the concept of home but specifically Thorns and Lumen are eating at my brain. like where do you call home when the place that is your home Just Fucking Hates You? Elysium's rewinding breeze specifically makes a point to hammers home how differently Iberia treats its Liberi and its Aegir

(which is especially interesting since this comes right after a conversation where Purestream commented on how despite Leizi being a high ranking government official, there are still some experiences that are universal for all Yanese people - because the experience of what Iberia itself is like isnt universal for all Iberians)

But all that being said, Thorns also straight up states that Aegir is not his home, and yeah, how could it be? How could a place you've never been to, never truly known, ever be your home? How could it ever feel like a home?

so where do you go when the place that you are from hates your people and the place your people are from is completely unfamiliar and alien to you? Thorns' answer at the end of the conversation with Aya is: my home is where i chose it to be. my home is where there are people I care about and people who care about me

in the complete opposite direction, Lumen's oprec asks: why do you still stay in a place that wants you gone? because the people of Gran Faro like Jordi well enough but when push comes to shove, they will want the only Aegir in town gone

and yet, when Rald the messenger offers him a chance to leave Jordi turns him down and when he's forced to escape Gran Faro after the people there literally try to send him to his death (or worse) at the hands of the Inquisitors he keeps trying to go back because like everyone in stultifera navis, Jordi is clinging to his own dreams of a golden age

but the shape of that dream is unique to every character and for Jordi, his dreams are deeply, inseparably bound to the Eye of Iberia, the legacy his parents left behind

and it's this dream of becoming someone great, of bringing about that golden age that his parents devoted their lives to help create that ties Jordi to this nothing town because despite everything, despite the mistrust of the townsfolk and the hostility of the Inquisition and the danger from the ocean, he simply cannot leave it behind

(or, because i personally dislike the official translation,)

"I just see this place as my home"

so yeah. not sure what overall point i was trying to make here i'm just. deeply in love with these stories about chosing what is and isn't your home, of saying you will not call a place your home because it has given you no reason to or saying you consider a place your home even though it has given you every reason not to. deeply unwell about them <3

#arknights #asto speaks #not much of an essay writer i just keep thinking about them and i need to force other people to think about them too #thorns story fucks me up bc like. this whole almost found family adjacent idea of like #maybe home isnt something decided by your birth but something you can chose based on what truly matters to you #it just gets to me. i guess. #jordi gets to me in a completely different direction there's nothing personal about it i just find his story *fascinating* #just a guy. a completely normal guy. an absolute nobody caught up in these dreams of greatness while also fully aware of his own normalcy #but never letting either of those overshadow the other. never losing that self awareness or that fuckin obsessive determination #god. what a Character #i love jordi so much like genuinely #i joke a lot about him being just a Guy but thats also kinda like the best thing about him #the fact that he is the way that he is and does all the things he does despite being just a Guy #gently holds #for context i was so hyped about new iberia lore when sn was announced i read the whole thing as soon as it dropped on cn server #cuz someone uploaded all the story sections to bilibili right after it came out #and '我只是把这里当作自己的故乡啊' fucking hit me SO HARD #in like the greater context of elysium demanding to know why hes risking his life in like 5 different ways to return to gran faro #because yeah jordi just doesnt want to leave his home but like we the audience knows the full *weight* of what that home means to him #and the weight of the dreams that made him chose to see Gran Faro as his home and to refuse to let go of that #thats why i like the original a lot more than the translation i think like it really emphasises that active *choice*. #this is the place jordi has *decided* to see as his home and he knows what that means and what it means to him #side note the part on thorns might not actually age well depending on whether hg decides to ever release more aulus lore #i mean i'll gladly take the L if it means more aulus and/or thorns lore like #i just wanna know what (if anything) is tying him to iberia yknow #ak #iberiaposting

[sohaoying]

unfinished business

#your turn to die #yttd spoilers #sou hiyori #shin tsukimi #kugie kizuchi #yeah i'll make a ghost au #i didn't have room for more dialog but i think he'd want to be called shin here #shin's my fav and i like the greenblings so much but sometimes i forget that he was kind of a cringefail brother #sou being to kanna almost like what midori was to him + kugie rubbing it in >> #but also there's no way to know what their time in ch 2 was like for sure #it's only ever others who say kanna was being used while kanna herself denies it+her whole thing is that the main cast overlooks her agency #they had normal conversations (e.g. mint choco ice cream) and kanna was more aware than she let on (e.g. knowing sou wrote the phone note) #but the one conversation we saw of them alone from sou's pov (post-nightmare to be fair) was not a good look #we just don't know how healthy their dynamic was overall! #kugie wasn't the best sister initially either so i think she's reminded of her regrets too. but the dunking comes first #sometimes you see something you hated about yourself in someone else and go hm. hate that #i think they should have ghost adventures after their initial beef though. why? bc the kanna hallucination cg is my fav and i said so #and yttd is all about feeling empathy for everyone y'know? #art

[sesamenom]

no living man may hinder me: The Gilded Wraith of Numenor

from the Reverse Gondolin AU, based on @who-needs-words's idea for Ar-Pharazon's fate! (they also wrote a ficlet for it, check it out here!)

#silm #silmarillion #lotr #lord of the rings #witch king #witch king of numenor #ar pharazon #eowyn #reverse gondolin au #ooh i need to do this pose for fingolfin and morgoth #the parallels though! eowyn facing pretty much certain death #but being brought back by hope in the Halls #while fingolfin faced morgoth because he lost all hope #also: in the au sauron & pharazon took a bunch of numenorean tech with them before the Downfall #bc nobody attacked valinor so all the airships and engines and stuff were still on the island #so we get Steampunk Tech Numenor #(perfect symbolism w industrialization too!) #which means of course the witch king of numenor gets a Gun Sword #which is frankly terrifying #his face is still visible here bc the tiny bit of maia/peredhel ancestry (still like 20x more than aragorn tho) protects him from the rings #enough that his fea & hroa haven't faded; just been corrupted #also in the au bc of Prince Elrond's involvement in numenorean politics ar pharazon is way more aware of potential loopholes #in the 'no living man' thing #aka arwen and galadriel #and honestly he expected to be slain by arwen #so he still overlooked eowyn (and merry) #just for very different reasons #less hubris in a 'i am invincible' way #and more hubris in a 'you arent nearly important enough to bother paying attention to' way

[seventh-district]

OCD will literally remove your brain's ability to register when a task is Complete and then create 10,000 incredibly ridiculous and extremely specific rules for you to follow in every single aspect of your life (to keep you safe, of course, it tells you.) and then tells you that if you don’t do them Correctly and Completely every single time it tells you to (it tells you countless times per day) then the Entire Fucking World Will End and then it’ll do this fucked up thing where it makes you believe that nonsense.

and then people that don’t have it will make silly little jokes about being soooooo OCD and make t-shirts with fun little acronyms on them like Obsessive Coffee Disorder and tell you how much they like it when things are organized and clean, too!!

and then you’re supposed to just. laugh. like you haven’t been robbed of your entire being and potential and been taken over by a mind and life altering disability

#PSA: don’t fucking tell me to Seek Therapy or Try Medication. i am Aware. i have Tried. it isn’t that fucking simple #and this is my blog. i’ll complain about my illnesses all i want to. if you don’t like it i strongly encourage you to unfollow me #ocd #actually ocd #cw ocd #cw mental illness #mental health stuff #Seven.txt #Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is actually SO goddamn insidious. and only ppl that have lived with it will understand that #it’s a terrible terrible thing. to have something ruin your entire life under the guise of keeping you safe #it’s like being abused by your own mind and i don’t say that lightly #okay. stopped crying long enough to get this post out of my brain and onto my blog #gonna put Walking Disaster on loop and return to my Mental Illness Floor Time now #if no one hears from me for a little while it’s not personal i just. need to not be a Person right now. i’m so tired