#that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone

[inkskinned]

the thing is there's like, a point of oversaturation for everything, and it's why so many things get dropped after a few minutes. and we act like millennials or gen z kids "have short attention spans" but... that's not quite it. it's more like - we did like it. you just ruined it.

capitalism sees product A having moderate success, and then everything has to come out with their "own version" of product A (which is often exactly the same). and they dump extreme amounts of money and environmental waste into each horrible simulacrum they trot out each season.

now it's not just tiktokkers making videos; it's that instagram and even fucking tumblr both think you want live feeds and video-first programming. and it helps them, because videos are easier to sneak native ads into. the books coming out all have to have 78 buzzwords in them for SEO, or otherwise they don't get published. they are making a live-action remake of moana. i haven't googled it, but there's probably another marvel or starwars something coming out, no matter when you're reading this post.

and we are like "hi, this clone of project A completely misses the point of the original. it is soulless and colorless and miserable." and the company nods and says "yes totally. here is a different clone, but special." and we look at clone 2 and we say "nope, this one is still flat and bad, y'all" and they're like "no, totally, we hear you," and then they make another clone but this time it's, like, a joyless prequel. and by the time they've successfully rolled out "clone 89", the market is incredibly oversaturated, and the consumer is blamed because the company isn't turning a profit.

and like - take even something digital like the tumblr "live streaming" function i just mentioned. that has to take up server space and some amount of carbon footprint; just so this brokenass blue hellsite can roll out a feature that literally none of its userbase actually wants. the thing that's the kicker here: even something that doesn't have a physical production plant still impacts the environment.

and it all just feels like it's rolling out of control because like, you watch companies pour hundreds of thousands of dollars into a remake of a remake of something nobody wants anymore and you're like, not able to afford eggs anymore. and you tell the company that really what you want is a good story about survival and they say "okay so you mean a YA white protagonist has some kind of 'spicy' love triangle" and you're like - hey man i think you're misunderstanding the point of storytelling but they've already printed 76 versions of "city of blood and magic" and "queen of diamond rule" and spent literally millions of dollars on the movie "Candy Crush Killer: Coming to Eat You".

it's like being stuck in a room with a clown that keeps telling the same joke over and over but it's worse every time. and that would be fine but he keeps fucking charging you 6.99. and you keep being like "no, i know it made me laugh the first time, but that's because it was different and new" and the clown is just aggressively sitting there saying "well! plenty of people like my jokes! the reason you're bored of this is because maybe there's something wrong with you!"

#this was much longer i had to cut it down for legibility #but i do want to say i am aware this post doesnt touch on human rights violations as a result of fast fashion #that is because it deserves its own post with a completely different tone #i am an environmental educator #so that's what i know the most about. it wouldn't be appropriate of me to mention off-hand the real and legitimate suffering #that people are going through #without doing my research and providing real ways to help #this is a vent post about a thing i'm watching happen; not a call to action. it would be INCREDIBLY demeaning #to all those affected by the fast fashion industry to pretend that a post like this could speak to their suffering #unfortunately one of the horrible things about latestage capitalism as an activist is that SO many things are linked to this #and i WANT to talk about all of them but it would be a book in its own right. in fact there ARE books about each level of this #and i encourage you to seek them out and read them!!! i am not an expert on that i am just a person on tumblr doing my favorite activity #(complaining) #and it's like - this is the individual versus the industry problem again right because im blaming myself #for being an expert on environmental disaster (which is fucking important) but not knowing EVERYTHING about fast fashion #i'm blaming myself for not covering the many layers of this incredibly complicated problem im pointing out #rather than being like. yeah so actually the fault here lies with the billion dollar industries actually. #my failure to be able to condense an incredibly immense problem that is BOOK-LENGTH into a single text post that i post for free #is not in ANY fucking way the same amount of harm as. you know. the ACTUAL COMPANIES doing this ACTUAL THING for ACTUAL MONEY. #anyway im gonna go donate money while i'm thinking about it. maybe you can too. we can both just agree - well i fuckin tried didn't i #which is more than their CEOs can say

[shigayokagayama]

The Beach Omake And Authorial Intent

initially i was going to save this for a big teru analysis i had cooking however i eventually ended up deciding that it would feel like a really long tangent in its original context and probably deserves a separate post.

when it comes to the whole "teru's parents" thing i generally see two competing ideas on it

a. terus absent parents are the real villains of mob psycho and are the direct cause of everything wrong with his life and any and all teru analysis must center around this fact

b. terus parents being absent in the first place is only revealed in an omake and only exists for plot convenience and is not something that should be focused on at all when writing him

and whenever i see either of these my mind always drifts to the question of authorial intent. i know how people are reading this information, but how are we supposed to? i know death of the author is becoming more of a common thing in fandom spaces (albeit usually misused) but i feel like a better understanding of why this omake exists and how we're supposed to read it might help to better synthesize two takes that seems to be completely at odds with each other.

okay first i want to go over the actual placement of the beach omake in the update schedule of the manga because, unlike most other omakes, i feel like this ones placement in the schedule of page releases is actually super relevant

the vast majority of omakes come at the end of weekly updates. you finish reading the usually 15-20 pages ONE put out and then you get a little bonus comic at the end, usually something funny or a slice of life but but occasionally more serious. multi part omakes are usually spread out over multiple updates, making you wait a couple weeks for a punchline.

beach omake is not that. between chapters 99 (mob gets hit by a car) and 100 (the whole rest of the omake) there was a 6 week hiatus from normal pages and in this hiatus is where we get beach omake. reading it all together immediately cuts away the sort of "slice of life sunday paper comic" tone other multi part omakes have and make you read it as a part of the actual main story, since that's how you're used to reading these weekly updates.

now the actual tone. generally the multi part omakes exist to be long punchlines and the rare emotional ones are a single page for maximum impact. beach omake has a very different structure compared to, say, the haunted doll omake or the pot of happiness.

off the bat from the first two pages there's not really a joke. the tone mostly seems kind of melancholic. mobs expression for the middle section of the second page (maybe purposely) is obscured by the panel breaking off, it's hard to tell his reaction, all our attention is directed at teru. with all of the panels taken up by dialogue (primarily his own), we're being asked to focus on what he's saying:

-teru lives alone

-he lives alone because his parents live overseas

-he hasnt seen them in a while

-he doesnt like having nothing to do

-he doesnt like being alone

all of this information is delivered with an extremely casual expression from him, implying that it's not something that seems ll the out of the ordinary for him. mob, on the other hand...

the hesitation before he says anything and the way his expression is obscured seems to imply something is... off... about this information to him. this isn't a handwaved "oh mob is walking home from school after passing out because he needs to for plot reasons", we're reacting to this information like it's weird.

the next two pages are, mostly, a lot more of what we expect out of a mob psycho omake. the first one works as a standalone joke page, teru is bad at identifying animals which leads to him showing reigen a roach, something reigen is terrified of, instead of a beetle.

the second page starts similarly, we get a dumbass joke about reigen trying to pick up women at the beach (note: i think this is the singular time we get an indication reigen is even into women) but then the next two panels take on a more melancholic tone again. we get a small panel of mob and ritsu playing on the beach and a much, much larger panel of teru sitting on the beach, watching them. the dialogue bubble forces us to pay attention to the fact that he is silent.

the ending of this omake is where we bring it home. generally the last panel centers the punchline of the page, or of the whole omake, but the final panel of this isn't really what was being built to in this case.

we start our second page on teru. his expression is obscured, reigens speech bubble is shoved to the side so we can see that teru's hat is being held in his hands.

when we see his face in full view he looks... confused. he looks like he doesn't know how to react to someone going through all this trouble for him. teru is a character who, up to this moment, we have seen as extremely independent. he always rushes into things alone, he always has to be the hero, he always has to be the one to save the day. hell, this omake is immediately followed by the confession arc. where... you know.

so what are we supposed to get out of this omake?

teru's been doing everything on his own up to this point

but he doesn't have to anymore

#mp100 #mob psycho 100 #teruki hanazawa #pic #edit: even though the hair makes this difficult to date timeline wise #i like to picture this as post confession arc #i feel like it makes the most sense

[lurkingshan]

Okay now that Halloween is over and my head is clearer, I wanted to add some thoughts to the great posts @waitmyturtles and @bengiyo shared debriefing Only Friends and unpacking this desire by some in fandom to declare that it has no message and therefore we can't be upset with the creators for what they chose to put out into the world via this show. Let me just say upfront: I find that claim preposterous and completely contra the basic tenets of media literacy and analysis.

Turtles already gave a great overview of the foundational truth here: media is communication, and all communication contains messages, both explicit and implicit. For the first 11 weeks, I believed that Only Friends was attempting to take a neutral POV on its characters' morality, asking us instead to think for ourselves about the moral complexities and implicit messages of the situations the characters were in, and wondered if the lack of a very explicit perspective from the show was making folks uncomfortable. But then, in the final hour, the show shifted its tone to provide an extremely explicit POV on the characters and its themes (with the subtlety of a sledgehammer to the head), with a heavy focus on punishing Boston, and that POV was so rooted in heteronormativity, sex shaming, and frankly, anti-queer sentiment, that it took many of us aback. As Ben put it so succinctly in his post: NOT A SLAY.

I want to unpack this more because it’s important to understand that there are ways to write the events of the final episode as essentially the same without embedding that explicit moralistic POV. If the intent was to maintain a neutral presentation of events that does not cast judgment on Boston, you would not do any of the following:

Have several characters explicitly judge Boston for being a non-monogamous slut in dialogue with no counterpoint voices

Make Boston spend the episode apologizing to every character while receiving no apologies in return for the wrongs done to him

Insert a random episode of Boston acting on impulse in a way that is not actually consistent with any of his previous behavior to make a sudden point that he can't change

Have Nick, who has been explicitly singled out as the one person who understands and loves Boston, change his mind and dump him in a frankly condescending way while Boston begs him for another chance

End Boston's final scene of the show with him devastated, alone, and defeated while the rest of the characters are happy and thriving

There is absolutely nothing neutral about those choices, fam. And they were in fact choices that the creators of this show are responsible for. They could have had the basic events of the finale stay the same, but changed the dialogue and framing of these interactions, and it would have completely changed the message being sent. For instance:

Instead of having Sand say Nick deserves better than Boston because Boston kissed someone else, he could have focused his comments on helping Nick understand whether he wants monogamy and why

Instead of having Boston grovel to everyone, they could have had all the friends just decide to forgive and forget all their mutual trespasses, or had the rest offer Boston sincere apologies in response to his own

Instead of Boston randomly deciding to make out with Boeing and lie about it, they could have had him invite Boeing to meet Nick for a threesome and have Nick react to that

Instead of having Nick dump Boston, they could have had them mutually decide they want different things and decide to part ways

Instead of Boston crying and dejected on the concrete, we could have seen him say goodbye to Nick on positive terms and walk away with his head held high to the life waiting for him in NYC where he can be his authentic self

Do you see how that works? All of the events of the story are the same, but the message it delivers is completely different. This version of the story would tell us that even though Boston's current friends don't really get him, and even though Nick is not ultimately comfortable with an open relationship, there is nothing inherently wrong with the way Boston wants to live. But they didn't give us this version; they gave us the stigmatizing and shaming one I described above. And that is absolutely something we should hold the creators responsible for, even if it makes us feel some kind of way about our drama heroes.

I have been giving this show the benefit of the doubt for weeks because I had a lot of faith in Jojo and Ninew not to put art out into the world with such a terrible message, a faith that was rooted in their previous work, including Gay OK Bangkok, 3 Will Be Free, and The Warp Effect, all of which featured queer ensembles and strong sex positive messaging. But no creator is infallible and mistakes were made. We will never know how much of the final messages in Only Friends were intentional versus a result of sloppy and rushed storytelling, or how much was the creators’ original vision versus studio interference, but ultimately it doesn't matter. We have to deal with the show we got, and we should be putting a critical eye on the people who delivered it to us. I know I will not be going into any future Jojo/Ninew shows with the same kind of faith, and I will not be pretending this one wasn’t a huge letdown from these creators.

#only friends the series #thai bl #shan shouts into the void

[not-poignant]

What made you decide to host original fiction on AO3? You're the first (favorite) author doing serial original fic online that I think of these days, though I've not dabbled since independent domains were the most common strategy. I'm hoping to make progress on a project of my own in the soon, but am having trouble finding sites without fairly restrictive content policies--are there/were there other contenders for hosting Fae Tales that would have let you go so dark, or is it AO3 or bust?

Hi anon!

I think from your tone, you're starting off with the assumption that I was trying to be a professional writer and then chose AO3, and that's not the path I took at all!! No one in their right mind generally chooses AO3 if they want to make a profit off of their original writing for a lot of reasons, and a lot of fanfiction authors leave AO3 so they can make a profit off their original writing (and some do both - write fanfic under one name, and original fiction under a completely different name. My path isn't even the mainstream fanfic writer's way of breaking into original fiction, lol).

So my journey was basically that:

I was writing fanfiction on AO3 that became quite popular in its small fandom, and I put two OCs (Original Characters) into that story that got especially popular and started getting fanart during the fanfic. A few people at the time said 'I ship these two' and I was like 'eh I don't want to write it.' And then in typical fandom fashion eventually I was like 'okay I'll just give it a try.'

I wrote several PWP hatefucking chapters mostly to see if they even really worked as a couple (they did!) - since they weren't a couple in the fanfic, they were mortal enemies, lol - and these chapters popped off among a very small number of people and I thought 'you know what, these characters deserve an actual story, because I don't want their tale to have a tragic ending' (which it would have done).

So I wrote more of the story, and eventually I got a message from a reader saying 'hey can you open a Patreon account so we can support your original writing, because it doesn't feel fair that we're getting all of this for free.'

So I opened a Patreon account.

And then about 3 years later I thought 'actually...I think I can turn this into a proper job.' And I...tried lol. It's not a very 'proper job' by the standards of people who started original writing purely for income, but it is quite a proper job for me, lol. I still write fanfiction because I love it.

I never chose AO3 as a place to build a career exactly, I just put original fiction there because that's where the readers were who already liked the original characters, and it didn't make sense to put it anywhere else. I also never expected at the time to make a formal leap into original fiction, I was actually planning another fanfic and then got completely derailed because we were all enjoying Fae Tales so much.

I stay there because I can post any fictional content I like pretty much - no matter how taboo - without fear of reprisal from the site or fear of having my account banned etc. for content. I stay because the warning and tagging system is the most sophisticated in the world. I stay because the search system is also the most sophisticated in the world. I stay because I love the spirit of fandom, and the people who find my original fics there already understand reading serials and WIPs and ongoing stories. I stay because I really enjoy AO3 comment culture, which is uniquely different to anything else anywhere on the internet, but especially other free serial sites like Wattpad, Royal Road, Inkitt and more. I stay because having to invite people to come to my Tumblr to see my posts and excerpts and sometimes find out about Patreon is a feature and not a bug, because it means the people who eventually find their way to my Patreon probably want to be there more than the average reader who never needs to leave AO3.

I stay there because Wattpad needs incredibly short chapters and I like longer chapter lengths (and long serials). I stay there because the comment culture of Royal Road is a lot of 'um, actually' folks alongside some decent folks, and you really have to love constant constructive (and not so constructive) criticism even on your most viral stories, and I am baby. I stay on AO3 because my friends are there, and so are many other folks who I enjoy the thoughts and company of.

To my knowledge, the only other place that allows really taboo content officially (i.e. not 'it's against the rules but everyone does it') is probably Ream, which is a subscription site like Patreon. And they're very recent. I will be setting up a mirrored version of my Patreon account there for all the folks who can't access Patreon due to like...credit card / bank reasons.

If you want to write a super dark, taboo serial, there aren't many free serial sites in the world where that's truly okay. I'm going to take some risks on Wattpad soon with the Fae Tales canon and we'll see how we go, lmao. AO3 is particularly unique because it started for many of us fanfiction writers who were getting banned and censored on other fanfiction and fandom platforms (like Livejournal Strikethrough, which was a huge historical event in fandom around censorship), so it literally - in many ways - was invented to protect and give space to the people who are writing adult or taboo fanfiction (and then later also original fiction). It is designed to be a safe haven for those of us who understand that fiction is just fiction when it comes to sexual fantasy content.

In the past year I have considered other dedicated serial sites for my content and frankly I don't believe any of them are 'safe' for me re: the nature of my writing (I don't feel my writing is as dark as some, but it certainly has 'rape as titillation' quite a bit, and pretty broad scale dubcon). Royal Road doesn't suit my genre/s, Inkitt is possible, but I'm not sure if my work will do well there, Wattpad is a risk but is huge and I'm not mad if my account gets banned there, Tapas allows some taboo, but is very clear that it wants no serials intended for the purpose of sexual gratification and requires 500-1500 chapters maximum, which is a bit of a downer for someone like me who has 3-10,000 word chapters, lol.

If you want to be a professional writer of adult sexual/taboo content who makes money off your writing, I wouldn't recommend hosting your works on AO3, I'd recommend publishing novels and when you have enough of a backlist, potentially offering chapters of future novels as early access on Ream (Patreon will actually also ban accounts with taboo content if you're hosting it on Patreon - and while most of us are safe at the moment, they get stricter over time).

AO3 is, imho, a great place for original authors who already love writing fanfiction or reading fanfiction, and already love fandom, and want to participate in the culture with original stories. Readers on AO3 are very savvy, clued-in people who are overall likely to be suspicious rather than welcoming of original fiction on AO3 in general (many refuse to read it outright), and who also can tell when a newcomer author is just there to try and make a profit off them. But they are also some of the most ride or die, wonderful, best readers in the world once they love your work. (I know this from experience as a reader too, lol, I am ride or die for a few authors there myself).

That doesn't mean it can't be done, it just means there's a steep learning curve re: fandom etiquette (thoroughly worth it, do recommend it, it just will take some time - months, not weeks - to feel it out). AO3 also strongly prefers/requires all original fiction there be posted 'in the spirit of fandom' - which has broad interpretations, but it does mean an effort needs to be made to at least understand and enjoy fandom.

But yeah if you're purely professional career focused, AO3 is not a first-line strategy imho. That's why...there's not many people doing it this way - even viral fanfiction authors don't do it this way, anon, when they decide to writing original fiction based off their fanfiction success. Use Smashwords, Ream, your own host site for direct sales etc. there are erotica and dark fantasy authors who are making WAY more money than I am using paths like this.

I love my path, I love it, and I do believe more people could use it and make it work, but I'll be honest with you - I know I could be making more money if I chose different paths, I'm on this path because it's fun.

#asks and answers #pia on writing #pia on publishing #my path is 'oh god i tripped and fell into getting paid for my writing by accident' #'oh shit actually i think i'm going to make this a job' #at no point did i ever make a smart business decision because i was always just #following the readers and what they wanted #because i was (and am) having so much fun with them #i've been making a few more *deliberate* business decisions lately #but only if they don't compromise my ethics and purpose #which means there are plenty of times i've chosen a path that doesn't give me as much money #or *any money* #which is not how most of y'all are doing this dsalkfjasdfa

[malcontentmathador]

I feel like you're misunderstanding lapithae's take? They're not trying to correct anyone's interpretation, they're just saying that a lot of the criticism aimed at how p4 handled Naoto's arc is based on something that the devs weren't actually trying to convey. There is absolutely nothing wrong with people reading Naoto as trans or nb, and f anyone who says there is, but when you critique a work, it is important that you do so based on the canon material.

I believe I made it clear in my post that I was using the opportunity to talk about a wider community problem that bothers me ("apologies for the combative tone, it is really not aimed at you"), and not just responding to OP.

But either way, what you are saying is also relying on the idea that "the devs weren't actually trying to convey" anything about trans experiences. I think this is very debatable - the imagery of gender reassignment surgery in Secret Lab is unmistakable - but also irrelevant, because writer intent is not actually something you can properly know. You can make guesses at it, but those guesses are themselves interpretations of the text, with no more or less validity than other interpretations.

Sometimes authors also mean to write something, and end up producing something completely different. To use a popular example, a lot has been written about how the "The Kurozumi were born to burn!" line from One Piece. Did Oda mean to say that some people are just born evil and are destined to be killed to right the wrong they caused by coming into the world...? Probably not! But it is how the text reads to many, and no amount of "I didn't mean it that way" will change that. The text exists on its own, independantly of the author.

Of course, not every possible interpretation is equally supported by the text. Stuff like "Ash Ketchum is in a coma and everything is happening in his head" has virtually no support in the text; it's a funny joke reading to give a passing glance to, but it doesn't deserve genuine attention.

The point is, saying "you don't get to complain about this because it's not what the author intended" is fruitless; no one can know what the author intended. The original poster's take on what the "goal" of Naoto was is not anymore valid than yours or mine, and the text and the experiences it describes are too ambiguous and amorphous to decisively reject trans/enby readings in my opinion

I hope that is more clear; I am not totally sure I answered exactly what you were trying to say

#persona 4 #naoto shirogane

[gmmtv-bl-tournament-but-evil]

👀👀 i wanna hear your SCOY thoughts 📝🎙🎥

Okay so I should preface this by saying that if you ask me whether or not I like SCOY, my answer is a pitiful whine followed by me throwing a chair as a diversion and quickly disappearing from the room.

In short, SCOY is a 2016 show made in 2022. In long........ okay, we'll get there.

I think if you're going to watch SCOY, you either commit to watching the whole of it or you give up from the start and never press play at all. I started enjoying it pretty deep into the season when I realised that 1) you cannot take it seriously. I believe it is a parody of an exaggeration and it knows it, and 2) you can only enjoy the whole of it if you get into the mindset that both main characters are sociopaths who fit perfectly with each other and if the show has ever made you think otherwise, it was openly and shamelessly lying to you.

Another huge part of the reason I did not give up on it halfway are the secondary couples. When Sky and Khaojao's story finally took its final shape I was so so so glad I stayed 'cause I haven't seen anything like their storyline in any BL before or after SCOY and I will say this is a huge flaw in BL as a whole in my opinion. The same goes for Intouch and Daisy as a couple and Daisy as a character on its own specifically. Daisy's storyline came out of left field and elevated the whole show to an insanely high level despite the little screentime it got.

I feel like all I've said so far makes SCOY seem like a flawless show and I want to make it extremely clear that it is not. Despite appreciating what it was trying to do, it needs also be said that there are huge pacing flaws when it comes to the division of screentime. In addition to that, if it had worked a little better as a drama than it did as a comedy, it could have brought up an amazing conversation about sexuality, desire, and gender identity that it almost completely missed by being so obsessed at trying to make you like Toh. I believe the purpose of Toh as a character was both as a comedic factor - which doesn't necessarily work all that well for the main character - and to make you root for someone that is not often found in shows of any kind. It doesn't quite manage to do either imo, which is a huge shame because when later on in the show Toh actually seems to grow up a bit, he becomes a lot more enjoyable. If they'd toned him down just a tiny smidge, it would be a lot easier to decide to stay from the start.

There are a few things that left a lasting positive impression on me. Despite Toh being extremely hard to like, I came out of watching SCOY absolutely in love with Seng Wichai. Khaojao's whole existence as a character has my whole heart as does Daisy. The subtitling for this show is a work of art, whoever did it deserves to be hired for every single Thai show, I appreciated so much the way they chose to contextualise parts of the translation by straight up explaining them and I wish it happened more often.

So, in conclusion, do I like SCOY? Yes, and also no. I like a lot of its parts and I wish a lot of it was different. Can I, in good conscience, recommend it to others? Absolutely not. I will never ever take responsibility for convincing someone to watch it. I would refer them to this post and tell them "This is in your hands now, whatever choice you make I want no part in it".

Is this a very disappointing answer for someone who had to wait over two days to get it? Probably, yeah...

#asks #solaarflaree

[psykoticrefuge]

Trans stuff:

So my doc follows wpath standards and it's honestly frustrating. Cause when we started all this and grabbed my baseline hormone levels, I'm a heavy T producer. Not extremely high but we'll above the average for a cis male. I was a hairy boy, this made/makes sense.

I got my refill of sublinguals over a month ago and knew that we were gonna discuss injections this most recent appointment and so I changed it up how I was taking them. I added an extra pill in the middle of the night. Which brought me to 8mg a day, 2mg every 6 hours, and let me tell you.. I felt great.

Had a noticeable surge in breast tissue development, libido came back more (which helped with atrophy issues), and just mentally I was doing a LOT better. When we did blood work I didn't think far enough ahead to drop the 4th pill a couple days in advanced and so the levels were "high" and comment was made about that.

I do wanna pause and say, it's really hard to get a read from my doc. He's made some positive remarks about transition but also there is almost a layer of a condescending tone during appointments. My wife has gone with for in person visits and agrees it feels off.

Anyways, still got to go on injections (Yay!) and I know I'm not a doctor. But my organ function was perfect. Liver, kidneys, thyroid, heart, all that, was within the appropriate levels. So it makes sense to me that if my cis body is producing higher T then it would be more in line with its base functionality to have higher E as well. Anecdotal and blood evidence supported this. Wife says I was doing better and I felt better. As a severely traumatized AuDHDer this is rare for me. I've had depression/anxiety since my teens and am currently working through an incredibly rough burnout.

The point?

I wish transition stuff was more in the hands of the individuals rather than doctors. I'm thankful he's there to read and interpret my blood work results but it sucks that we have to fit ourselves into these standards of care rather than forge our own path. It's why I support DIY and truly believe that HRT should be over the counter. All of it. All. Of. It.

Because of money stuff I haven't been able to get my injections yet and the pharmacy said it's on backorder so that's been a fun scramble to try and find it. Because of this I'm still on my 6mg a day and just, I can feel it. I can feel that difference in me. My mood has been lower (lot of extenuating factors tbh) my drive has gone back down, and in general I feel.. worse. Not bad bad worse but, noticeable.

And I can't help but relate the whole thing to disability justice and the Healthcare for All fight. We may not be doctors but we live in our bodies every day and we know our bodies best. (Also neurodivergent justice, like it's just so connected! >.<) If a patient feels good/better and organ function levels reflect no worries, we should be able to have a say even if other levels are "outside standard deviation". We should have a say no matter what, but you get what I mean.

It makes me sad/mad that the Hirschfeld institute was destroyed and all that research with it. So much was lost. Most of our data on feminization comes from post menopausal cis women.. trans bodies are different! And being the target of the far right (more connectivity: also being disabled I'm a double target) it's just.. *sigh* this will turn into a completely different post if I continue this route.

HRT should be over the counter and medical patients deserve a greater say in their care. If you've made it this far, thank you for reading. If you're cis, please think about what I've said when you vote or when you join us in the fight for liberation. Our struggles are not that far from each other.

Peace, Panache, and Pancakes,

Rivr

#trans #transgender #trans woman #hormone replacement therapy #trans rights #disabled #disability justice #lgbtqiia+ #neurodivergent #trans stuff #universal healthcare #mtf #nonbinary #personal experience #trans pride #lgbtqiia+ pride #lgbt pride

[15lix]

was encouraged to talk about the difference between thunderous and cheese so here we go!!!! to me its like this; they're both clap backs at the haters right, thats obvious, but to me whats like so fun and cool is how different they're in not only in tone but also in the way they're trying to make the haters feel. long post bellow!

thunderous is about proclaiming your place in the world, its about being proudly yourself, loudly yourself, without caring what others might think or say, its a song that's meant to feel uplifting without necessarily putting anyone down. it's like saying "i will never change who i am. i am loud like thunder, i am here to take up as much space as i want to because i am deserving of it, no matter what others think." thunderous is about pride, it's about being confident and comfortable in your own skin. the 'haters' in this are amorphous, what they say or think does not matter because that's the whole point of the song; they're unimportant, what they say holds no weight bc they'll continue to be who the are regardless of it.

on cheese on the other hand we get almost direct quotes of hateful messages, things meant to hurt or bring them down, but the tone in which they're presented is completely unserious. it's almost brought up in a mocking way, in a way meant to be looked down upon, there's absolutely nothing worse than making somebody feel stupid for their opinions. "oh you think our lyrics are funny? oh, ok then." it's presented in a dismissing way, like the thought that the haters don't get them not only is obviously in the wrong but also is kinda funny to them. the song touches a lot on the irony that is people being so up in their bussiness when they supposedly don't take them seriously, and it's done in a cheeky way, not in a 'we're better than you' but in a "we know you're hearing this and that's just funny to us." type of way. to me this song is the embodiment of 'take a picture it will last longer'. haters in this are meant to be an inside joke, like their words can't touch them because they sound so funny in their obsession.

i don't know man i really love both songs & how confident they're. gives me brainworms and stuff. i love how they many perspectives they're willing to explore on the same topics. its so awesome. anyway rant over . send me more songs . ramble back at me. Please

#skz #skz song analysis #i should get .. . a.tag for this i think #.mp3 #← that one isnt enough #.txt

[existentialmagazine]

Review: Charlotte Clarke’s debut single ‘yet, I still miss you’ offers a cinematic bedroom-pop experience soaked in the pains of a breakup

Young and upcoming singer-songwriter Charlotte Clarke may just be making her musical scene entrance, but her capabilities show talent well-beyond her fresh beginnings. With cinematic pop production, storytelling lyrics and intimate bedroom pop vocals, her debut single ‘yet, I still miss you’ is a clear reminder not to underestimate anybody, because Charlotte already has it all.

Opened by atmospheric, rich piano keys that linger in the sound like an indicator of emotion soon-to-be-smothered, Charlotte begins ‘yet, I still miss you’ with a moment that’s completely unfiltered. Whirring, backing electronic beats alleviate the melancholia as the verse opens, adding a lightly catchy element to the song’s tender heart. Charlotte’s haunting words complement the tones to a tee, cascading through both vocal highs and lows with a smoothness that leave her addictive words spilling off your tongue whether you relate or not. Somewhere between the ease of bedroom-pop and the ache of a stripped-back sound, Charlotte has created a piece that’s hard to stop listening to, but all-too-real.

As her words flow through the sound with an emotional resonance of her own, Charlotte opens up about the way we often grieve after a breakup, working through the aftermath of betrayal as well as the haunting nostalgia of a dysfunctional relationship. The first line doesn’t hesitate to reveal these devastating feelings either, immediately sharing ‘I can barely sleep, the memories of you and me play on repeat’, mentally reliving what once was and wondering if things could’ve played out differently. It’s hard not to relate either, as Charlotte shares her deepest thoughts like a close friend coming to you for comfort, recalling her breakup that’s all too similar to ones we’ve all likely lived through and felt just as crushingly. Questioning ‘did I really deserve that goodbye?’ , Charlotte finds herself wondering how much of her relationship was truly as it seemed, knowing that a partner who valued her would’ve done things differently.

The pre-chorus falls back to just staple piano keys, continuing this paired-back instrumental air into the chorus where you cannot help but listen to every single one of Charlotte’s painfully spilling words. Drawn-out synth gives it a backed-up moment of grandeur mid-way through too, a theatrical-feeling emphasis that could fill arenas with its magnitude. Admitting how she’s changed and closed up, she sings front-and-centre ‘now I hold up my guard… people don’t get very far’ , yearning for love once again but fearful to allow anyone to reach her. Through all the anger, the resentment and the disappointment, it’s still all-too common for us to want to return to whomever once made us feel safe and known, and Charlotte’s words will surely resonate with all of us for that: ‘feeling exploited, yet I still miss you.’ Knowing better than to go back, it’s clear she still wishes she could, and acknowledging that confusing nonsensical thought is okay.

For many, ‘yet, I still miss you’ will be the post-breakup anthem they needed to get through, a reminder of the many lows and the greater things that await them while allowing themselves to grieve the way they long for someone they cannot have. If that sounds like something you’ve been needing, you can give it a listen for yourself here!

Written by: Tatiana Whybrow

Photo Credits: Unknown

// This coverage was supported and created via Musosoup, #SustainableCurator.

#tatiana

[anonil88]

Euphoria fans are popping out very weirdly after episode 5 of season 2.

Not gonna lie the things people, who are fans of the show, are saying about Rue and some of the other characters but especially Rue that are so malicious makes me so sick to my stomach. Its wayyy more triggering to me some of these takes about Rue episode 5 last night. To see someone say Rue deserves to be trafficked because she pushed her mom and her sister when spiraling made me teary eyes. If Rue wasn't an addict and it was just one of her other mental illnesses some people would have a very different tone but they don't. I say some because some honestly would say she did it to herself no matter what because they don't think mental illness is real. There are Zendaya stans who completely ignore Zendaya's post on Instagram and are saying the worst things about Rue.

The Jules hate was bad in season 1 but its so much worse and a lot more transphobic now within the fandom. It's disgusting the way people are taking their dislike of Jules and commenting horrid things that aren't a joke to Hunter. In season 1 initial airing nobody was out here saying that Jacob deserved to die or making inappropriate edits of his body. But with Hunter apparently its okay to misgender her and call her unprofessional even though it is just a rumor. I remember people said when they watched season 1 during March quarantine way after it aired that Jules was the real villian not Nate and even Sam said woah hold on now. Zendaya and Hunter said we need to do something so that these viewers are still attached to these characters but also see Jules as a person. I do get that some of the questionable writing in season 2 has made Jules' sea blob special murky, but that's still a 17 year old who has her own life to live. Which is not to be Rue's enabling service pixie dream girlfriend. But now when the character does the right thing by getting an adult involved she's now a rat, a snitch, and deserves to be verbally assaulted for it. What kind of mess?

Someone, a grown adult over the age of 20, today said Maddy is the abusive one in the relationship with Nate and that she pushed him to be a bad person. Toxic sure but how did she make him put his hands around her throat? Then a bunch more people went on to say yea Nate is a good guy, what in the victim blaming. I can't even say all of this discourse, straight up toxic behavior, and speculations are because teens want to watch something not meant for them because that was a grown woman.

The crits of Cassie were cool until it quickly became lets body shame Sydney and let's call Cassie a wh0re and a bunch of other shaming words. You can have empathy and not agree with someone's actions, you can not have empathy too but that doesn't mean "let's tell Sydney she is ugly". Then some of the "analyzations" don't talk about her faults in actions they just call her insults. I don't know who is teaching media analysis anymore but my god that's not how you do it.

Lexi is an angel in a lot of people eyes who can do no wrong. I'm sure even after her play people will still think because she's quiet and keeps her head down she won't have done anything wrong. But, exposing your sisters intimate traumas and your friends (A character based on Rue is in the play and Gia doesn't know but does go to the same school) gritty trauma to the entire student body and their parents is a violation of privacy. It's wrong but they won't see it that way because Lexi is the sweet girl next door who doesn't get into any trouble.

I am so angry and upset to see Kat storyline get cut and Barbie to get benched. But a part of me is so glad that Barbie isn't getting whatever energy has come with season 2 besides people telling her "you and hunter ruined the show for not doing your jobs." Which is people not understanding that actors are humans too. But the way people on social media would have jumped straight to body shaming her and vilifying her if they went deeper into why she doesn't like Ethan, the nice guy. I'm glad she has gotten to avoid that entirely.

And to see these same people call Cal and Laurie good or girl bossify their characters is so weird. Its so odd, because the grace the extend to two adults who should be held to a high er level accountability some of these fans do not. They would rather vilify every action good or bad of 17 year olds with compounding serious issues like addiction, redeem Nate in their eyes because he's hot, and tell Cal Jacobs its okay he video tapes people without consent because he read his family for filth. All these characters are so flawed as people but its the kids that are offered no sense of redemption.

The show is meant to be a reflective piece of media for adults about their own experience and to have grace and empathy for themselves at that age and for kids who are that age now, entertainment aspects of it aside. Where the heck did all that empathy go.

#euphoria #euphoria hbo #fandom #fan culture is messy #zendaya #hunter Schafer #jacob elordi #alexa demie #Sydney Sweeney #maude Apatow #cassie howard #rue bennett #jules vaughn #maddy perez #barbie ferreira #kat hernandez

[keppie]

and here we have it! i've been tagged in so many challenges to name my favorite kpop tracks of all time, and i've finally taken the plunge. this was really difficult, but also enjoyable! here are 20 of sojvng's favorite kpop songs of all time, for the ladies this time, part 1 of 2.

this list of favorites has been divided into two parts so as to not feel too crowded! please remember that i got into kpop pretty late, so most of these songs are somewhat recent, only because that's what i'm most familiar with. i'll also include why i chose each song below the cut in case you're curious! enjoy and stay tuned for pt. 2!

song 1: "rollin'" by brave girls. there is honestly so much to love about this song. i think the entire story that comes along with it, about how a video of its performance launched brave girls into the spotlight so long after its release, really makes this song so special. but it's also just fun! it's impossible not to dance to this song. trust me, i have tried, for science. it's a beautiful, lighthearted track, and i go to it whenever i need a little levity in my life. song 2: "dramatic" by bvndit. okay, first of all, where is bvndit?!?!? where are they?!?!? second of all, i love this song so much. i love the sort of introduction~ into the song, i love the dance beat, i love the high energy, i love yiyeon's "BANG BANG"... this song is really it. it hooks into your head and just never lets go. some tmi for everyone but this is a popular song for when i'm choreographing my own spin workouts because the BEAT! IS! SO! GOOD! song 3: "hands up" by cherry bullet. i love cherry bullet generally speaking, but this song was so different from anything else they've released really, that i was so excited when i first heard it. i think i saw a post going around saying that no other sound could ever sample "für elise" so successfully, and honestly, so true. i think that's one of the things i love about it, is that it has this nod to a classical staple, and sort of melds that into a much more high-energy, dance-driven track. also the fact that the sampling sort of acts as a cliffhanger in the beginning until the full sample plays at the very end, which is clever. this song gets stuck in my head all the time. song 4: "stay tonight" by chungha. i'm also a huge fan of just about everything chungha releases, but something about this song was really spectacular to me. the anti-drop chorus is definitely part of it, because you get this beautiful build in the prechorus both vocally and instrumentally only to lead to this bass and vocal driven chorus that feels both empty and filled with energy at the same time. chungha is a vocal powerhouse, so this feels like an especially good choice to me. also the music video is one of the most visually pleasing things i've ever seen, please go watch it! song 5: "like it" by clc. oh, clc... you deserve better. i think a friend had sent this song in a group chat or discord server as a favorite song of theirs, and i listened to it once and was completely hooked. it's catchy as hell, and it's a hard-hitting song, with a strong beat and incredible vocals. yeeun really knocks it out of the park in this one! song 6: "caffeine" by eyedi. "caffeine" is such a slow + sexy song and i love it so much. this also has a lot of that delicious 80s synth pop influence that i will absolutely eat up, so really, there isn't anything not to love here. song 7: "evita!" by devita. i'll be honest, i heard this song in a non-kpop recommendation playlist and saved it and listened to it on repeat for months before discovering through her collab with yugyeom that devita is actually based out of korea... whoops. devita has this incredibly soulful voice that i always gravitate to with female soloists. i'm not sure if it's because it's a quality that i'm accustomed to through western pop and r&b, but the tone her voice has is so strong and so gorgeous. this song also has a lot of 80s synth pop influence, and i especially love the brass used in the chorus! there's a KILLER part towards the end of the song in the last chorus... listen to the song, you'll thank me. song 8: "la di da" by everglow. speaking of powerful, catchy, hard-hitting songs... this one is incredible. i've mentioned before that outside of kpop, i'm a huge fan of 80s synth pop, and this song definitely has elements of that, which really attract me. there's something about the sound of the song itself that almost reminds me of "flashing lights" in a way? that 80s sound made more modern. this song to me is the song i most strongly associate with everglow. it's powerful, it's catchy, and every member of the group contributes their own flavor to the song. this is another favorite workout song~* song 9: "dahlia" by (g)i-dle. i remember the first time i heard this song and how deeply i fell in love with it right away. the music itself really expertly reflects the longing that's expressed in the lyrics, and it's so incredibly beautiful, but also very sad? it definitely has more of a pensive feel than a lot of the other tracks in this list, and i really do adore it. song 10: "wannabe" by itzy. it took me way too damn long to get into girl groups and female idols (sometimes i like to consider myself a "recovering bg stan" for that reason), and it's embarrassing because i could have been enjoying bops like this for so much longer!!! i remember hearing a sample of this song in a youtube compilation video, but i wouldn't find out until much later that the sample was this song. this song is so very itzy, it's fun, it's boisterous, it's loud, it's unapologetic, and that shoulder move in the choreo? iconic. i still haven't gotten tired of this song despite playing it into the ground. long live itzy.

#brave girls #bvndit #cherry bullet #chungha #clc #everglow #devita #gidle #itzy #eyedi #aleksbestie #useraweks #hijaehyukkies #useroro #usersoppa #useranusia #marekwan #97choi #sarah.gif #gfx:favorite tracks #WAHOO

[idy-ll-ique]

a manny and a pedi

pairing: steve rogers x f!reader

genre: fluff, mild angst

warnings: lil bit of violence

requested: by @maximeevansblog

Its almost mine birthday so, a one with Steve, it is the readers birtday and steve is taking the reader to the hair and nail salon, and that night he has a suprise party for the reader and he is nervous that she wont like his gift but she loves his gift

word count: ~1.3k

summary: it was supposed to be "y/n y/l/n, will you marry me?" it was supposed to be romantic. why, then, did it become "that's my fiancée, you fucking asshole!" "your... your what?"

author's note: hiya peeps! okay firstly, happy birthday @maximeevansblog ! hope you have a wonderful birthday! also, im sorry if i changed your prompt a tiny bit, i hope you still like it. enjoy!

masterlist

---

"Hey lover boy, what—"

"Oh Jesus Christ, Barnes!" Steve exclaimed, startled. Bucky laughed and clapped him on the back once. "What are you doing here, are you spying?" he teased his best friend, peeking past him to look into the room outside which he found Steve standing. Y/N was inside the room, talking to a guy while holding a bouquet of flowers in her hands.

"Y/N?! Your own girlfriend, Rogers?" Bucky admonished harshly in a whisper, pulling Steve away from the door. "It's not— I trust her completely, honest! It's the guy she's talking to, Manny. I swear to God he's trying to steal her from me—"

"Nobody is stealing me, Rogers, Manny's just a friend! No ulterior motives, he has already promised like a thousand times," Steve heard behind him and whirled around to see Y/N standing there with a smirk, an eyebrow raised. "You taking snooping lessons from Barnes now?" he muttered, "I know babe, I just—"

"Just nothing, Stevie, be happy! It's my birthday!" she laughed and gave him a tight hug, burrowing into his arms. To be honest, Y/N knew about Manny's intentions and Steve was right to worry; he flirted with her all the time, even when she insisted she was dating the ex-Captain America. But she knew better than to worry Steve.

He soothingly rubbed her back, swatting Bucky's hand away when he tried to run his fingers through her hair. "Stop it, that's my girlfriend," he pouted and both Bucky and Y/N burst out laughing. "She's like a sister; jeez, Rogers, tone it down a little bit," Bucky sighed and waved at the couple, walking away.

Steve and Y/N decided to go back to their room. They had been in a relationship for around 4 years now, and they weren't planning on stopping, ever. The only time Y/N would become Steve's ex-girlfriend was when she became his wife. Which he hoped she'd become soon, since he had a special birthday planned for her.

First, he was going to take her to a hair salon, then a manicure and pedicure, and finally, a picnic under the stars. There, he was finally going to pop the question: Y/N, will you marry me? After his retirement, that was all he wanted. A stable life; a wife, kids, maybe some pets. He was even ready to be a trophy husband, as Y/N was still in the Avengers Initiative.

"Steve? Steve!" He snapped out of his thoughts and gave Y/N a sheepish smile. "Sorry, pumpkin, lost in thoughts. So, uh, the flowers look nice," he stammered, looking everywhere but at the flowers which Y/N was putting in a vase. "Oh hush Rogers, you don't have to pretend to like them for me, I get it. I was just like that with you, you know?"

It was true, in the beginning of their relationship Y/N was what Steve was now. Jealous, overprotective, obsessed… somewhere along the line the roles were reversed. "I know, honey, I'm sorry… they're a birthday gift, I should be happy for you." He walked towards her and wrapped his arms around her from behind, pressing a kiss to her neck.

"It's fine. So, I've received everyone's gift but yours, where is it?" she grinned coyly, reaching up to cup his cheek. Steve smirked against her skin and spun her around, bringing them back chest to chest. "In my pants," he whispered seductively. A few seconds passed and both of them burst out laughing.

"I swear to God, Stevie, if that's your only gift I'm gonna be really disappointed." Steve pouted and leaned forward to give her a sweet kiss. "First of all, ouch," he began, "And second, no that's not the only gift. I have a really fun day planned for us, you up for it?" Y/N's eyes lit up and she nodded eagerly, jumping into his arms. "Aw, Steve, I love you so much!"

"I love you too, princess. Now for the first gift—"

"Ste— oh…"

---

"I. Look. Freaking. Amazing!"

Steve smiled softly as Y/N admired herself in the mirror. They had just returned from the mani-pedi session, and Y/N was feeling the most refreshed she had in years. She had also gotten a fantastic new hairstyle, complete with a different hair colour. Y/N was feeling like a new person, all thanks to Steve. She turned to him with a huge smile.

"Words cannot express how much I love you," she began, giving him a tight hug, "But numbers can. 1 million out of 10!" Steve laughed at her excitement, gently playing with her hair as he held her close. "But the best part awaits: the picnic! We still have a few hours to go, maybe I can go some for training?"

"Sure, and I'm going to take some pictures and post them to all my social media sites! Oh my God, this is fantastic—" Steve laughed at Y/N's squeals and left the room, feeling giddier and happier than he was in the morning. You see, Steve was kind of nervous the whole day. First, it was because of Manny, second, he was worried she wouldn't like his gifts and third, will she say yes?

Two out of the three concerns were gone. It was the pesky last one that ran through his mind the whole time he was in the gym. After an hour, Steve decided to go back to their room to relax for a while under the Air Conditioner; he didn't want to be a smelly, sweaty mess on the most important night of his life.

As he was walking towards their room, though, Steve happened to bump into Y/N. And… Manny. Manny took one step forward, Y/N took a step back. One step forward, one step back as Y/N held her hands out in front of her, protecting herself. Without even bothering to know the full story, Steve rushed over and punched Manny straight on the nose.

He fell back with a groan as Y/N gasped, covering her mouth. "That's my fiancée, you fucking asshole! Have some respect for other people's relationships, she said no, no means no!" he yelled, so loud that a few others came over to check on them. Bucky, Sam, Peter, Tony, Wanda, Vision, Bruce and Natasha, all stood a few feet away, watching with wide eyes.

Y/N's head snapped towards Steve when he called her his fiancée. "Your… your what?" she whispered, and Steve finally realized what he had blurted out. Shit. "I… I was going to ask you tonight at the picnic— it was supposed to be romantic, damn it Manny, you ruined—" His speech was cut short as Y/N immediately took him in her arms, kissing him deeply.

"Yes, Steve, I will marry you," she mumbled with a small, teary smile that Steve mimicked as he brought her in for another kiss. They only stopped when they heard the massive applause coming from the others. "Congratulations, you guys, this is brilliant news! Who's the best man?" Sam hollered.

Steve hugged Y/N closer, wiping his tears off with a chuckle. "Well, I was thinking—"

"I'll be honored," Sam grinned, scowling when Bucky smacked him across the head. "He was going to ask me," Bucky sneered and Steve rolled his eyes. "If you keep bickering like that, I'll ask Bruce," he snarked and Bruce laughed as both Bucky and Sam quieted instantly. "Where's the fucking ring, Rogers, there's no proposal without a ring!"

"The ring is in the bedroom, I was training and that's no place for a precious jewel," Steve answered and Y/N smiled into his arms, burrowing her face further into his chest.

"Yes, the hair salon was great. The mani and pedi— not that Manny, Steve— was also great. But this, by far, was the best birthday present I got today," she whispered to him. "What about the sex? Am I becoming an old man now—" Y/N pushed Steve with a disgusted look on her face as everyone else gagged and groaned. "Rogers, it was a sweet moment!"

"Sorry, sorry, couldn't help myself, it just came— there it is again!"

"Blergh, fuck you, man!"

"I deserved it."

---

a/n: thanks for reading, leave a like if you liked it!

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x female reader #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers oneshot #steve rogers headcanon #captain america #chris evans x reader #chris evans x you #chris evans x y/n #chris evans x female reader #chris evans characters #disney #mcu #marvel #avengers #fanfic #writing #writeblr

[wheelsup]

coffee is the sixth love language | part two

Summary: Over three cups of coffee, Spencer realized his feelings for you. And over three cups of coffee, he acts on them. gn!Reader.

A/N: the italicized this time indicates Spencer’s thoughts, not reader’s. part of this story is inspired directly from these comments made by @doctorthreephds on the reblog! thanks for letting me incorporate them :)

category: fluff, sfw

warnings: technically none, but the “profiling” part is kind of a reach.

word count: 3k

     Once Spencer was firmly resolute on asking you out, he knew he wanted it to be special in a way that only the two of you could appreciate. He realized that he had yet to be the one bringing you coffee, and so it felt only right that it should be how he makes his first move. He woke up extra early on a weekday morning to stop by your favorite coffee shop on his way to work because he knew you loved their banana nut muffins and double-brewed coffee. It was an extra twenty-five minutes out of the way for work each way, so you only got to go there on the rare occasion that you had a day off and were not out of town on a case. It might have been ridiculous to drive fifty minutes for a single damn muffin, but Spencer wanted to make this perfect for you by any means necessary. This was one of the special times that Spencer drove his car, needing the extra speed in order to complete his mission.

     He picked up your regular drink order and the muffin and was anxiously on his way back to Quantico. As per his plan he arrived at the office before you did, though not too much earlier because he wanted to make sure your coffee was still hot by the time you got it. If Spencer’s calculations were correct - which they almost always were - you would arrive within a two to four and a half minute window from when he did. Spencer took out a sharpie from his desk drawer and delicately scrawled a message onto the top corner of the pastry bag holding your muffin. He thought it felt like something out of a cheesy romance novel, the kind of novels that you could find in the fifty cent clearance bins, but dammit if Spencer didn’t deserve a little cheesy romance in his life. The other benefit of this was that he thought he would almost certainly choke on his words if he had to ask you himself. He set the two items on your desk and returned to his own to sit and observe. Spencer hoped it would be the first of many coffees he could buy you.

It wasn’t until you had already walked into the bullpen and were halfway to your desk that Spencer realized he had forgotten to sign his name to the bag. How were you supposed to react to him asking you out if you didn’t actually know it was him? And oh God, he left unsealed food on the desk of an FBI agent, with no indication of who had put it there. That is infinitely more suspicious than it is romantic. He wouldn’t be surprised if she took it straight to the trash can. So long for cheesy romance, Dr. Reid.

     But Spencer was absolutely elated when your first reaction was to peek into the bag and gasp out of joy at what was inside. He watched you break off a piece of your beloved banana nut muffin and chew it gleefully, and all he could think of was how cute you looked when you were happy. Shortly followed by concern that a federal agent would so readily eat unmarked food that could have been tampered with. That’s something I should bring up to her on the date. 

     Spencer’s stomach was in knots not knowing if you would pick up on the message. You swallowed that chunk of the muffin and turned the bag over to find an almost illegible black script that you had nearly missed: Would you like to have coffee with me? It just felt like all of the air had been knocked out of your body. 

     It didn’t even take you half a second to know who this was from; there were so many tells it was Spencer. Before you even noticed the note, you knew it was from him when you saw what was inside the bag. The whole team knew what your favorite coffee shop was because you had talked about it enough times. Hell, you even owned a oversized tee with their name on it that you kept in your go bag as a sleep shirt. But nobody knew what your favorite muffin was because you never mentioned it. In fact, if you thought about it there were maybe only a handful of times over the six months you’d been at the BAU that you even elected to eat this pastry in lieu of a real breakfast. But if anyone was going to detect a pattern, it would have been Dr. Reid. Of course he would pick up on the fact that you only picked those out at cafes when you felt like having a sweet treat, or that when Penelope brought in baked goods for the office you would only indulge if you saw your favorite item in the lineup. 

     You already knew it, but in case you had any doubt, the note itself confirmed your theory twice. One indicator was the phrasing choice would you as opposed to will you. Use of would posits a hypothetical, as in hypothetically, would you have an interest in drinking coffee together, rather than a hard, come with me to get coffee. The hesitance in the tone came off as if the sender were testing the waters, wanting to put the idea out there without coming off as too strong. Because it was reserved, it gave you room to think if you would genuinely enjoy doing so as opposed to making you feel like you should oblige. That level of respect screamed Spencer to you. And though it was so glaringly obvious, if you needed some concrete evidence it was the fact that nobody else had such endearingly atrocious handwriting like Dr. Reid. It was something you always found hilariously ironic for a man who often analyzes other people’s writing styles for work. You wondered what his way of scribbling said about him, and hoped he could tell you on that date of yours. 

     You looked straight at him, finding that his eyes were already fixed on you.

     “Yes.” 

     One word was all you had to say to make the lump in Spencer’s throat disappear, replaced by the sensation that his heart was leaping out of his chest. He was going to keep that memory stored in his brain forever, just to replay the moment when the future of your relationship changed with a simple word. Little did he know that when you finished that muffin, you neatly folded the pastry bag and tucked it into your desk drawer, saving it for the exact same purpose. 

_____

     Spencer had gotten to see your favorite coffee spot already, so for your date you requested that he take you to his to make it even. It was small, but incredibly cozy under the soft ambiance provided by string lights and charm of their mismatched furniture. There was one exposed brick wall adjacent to another that was a floor-to-ceiling bookshelf; it housed copies that loyal patrons left behind for others to pick up. All of those books had different colors of post-its peeking out from the pages. It was almost too eclectic and disorganized for what you would expect Dr. Reid to be into, but at the same time it made perfect sense to you.

     “You know, I think I just learned something about you.” You leaned gently into his side to tell him, both hands wrapped around your coffee cup because you were too nervous to know what else to do with them. Spencer was the kind of guy to sit adjacent to you at a table, rather than across, and you loved that about him. You loved having him as close to you as possible. 

     Spencer’s lips pulled at the edges to form a perfect, lazy smile. “What did you learn about me?” The team had an agreement not to profile each other, but under your gaze, Spencer never felt the kind of scrutiny that came with picking people apart. He trusted that whatever you had to say was going to be kind.

     “I think this place says so much about you. Something about how all those books are donations passed on from locals, and that people feel comfortable taking a book off the shelf and opening it up to read what others recommend. The fact that they leave little notes in it for the next reader to share what those stories meant to each of them. Nobody asked those people to do that, but they all chose to take part in these small actions that ended up creating an entire community.” It was one of the most beautifully human things you’d ever witnessed. A group of people engaging in understated and innocent gestures of love between perfect strangers, completely unprompted. “I think you value simple acts, the kind that can take on profound meaning without even intending to. Like when silence feels so comfortable when you’re with the right person.” You paused to take in his reaction as a gauge for how right or wrong you may be. He gave no objection to what you had posited, eyes simply glued to you in intense focus. Spencer was hanging on everything you said, wordlessly encouraging you to divulge more theories you’d developed on him.

     “And, visually, this furniture reminds me of a family home. The kind where some items were handed down for generations, some bought new, and others gifted by a distant relative who has no idea what the family likes.” Spencer’s soft laughter mirrored your own at your very accurate description of the shop’s decor. The room truly could not be more disjointed in its aesthetic, but that was entirely its charm. “It probably reflects that there are some aspects of your life that just don’t make sense to you, that almost seem to conflict with each other. For a guy so smart, I’m sure it’s scary to feel like you don’t understand something, and there are probably dark spots in that brain of yours that you try to hide from the world. But in this room, these things that don’t seem like they work together actually amount to something so lovely. And just like the charmingly hideous suede couch and the oddly fur-covered armchairs, every facet of you deserves appreciation because without them you wouldn’t make up to be the beautiful person you are overall.” 

     Neither of you could pinpoint the moment which your hands had drifted together, fingers loosely intertwined in gentle embrace. There was too much to unpack in what you had said for Spencer to know where to begin. The only thing he could say for sure was that he was astounded by how deeply you understood him without him ever saying any of those things. He considered that maybe you understood him better than he did himself and wished that he could spend his whole life observing the world through the same rose-tinted lenses with which you viewed him. At a loss for words, Spencer chose not to say any right then. The silence I have with you is the most comfortable I’ve ever had. 

_____

     After each of you consumed one too many caffeinated beverages, you still were not prepared to let the date end. You were willing to sit there and have as many espresso drinks as you could to keep talking to Spencer. 

     The universe must have been in support of your romance as the overcast skies broke and began to rain just minutes after the two of you had left the shop. Spencer was walking you back to your apartment, clearly forcing his long legs to slow down their naturally fast stride so to extend how long it took to get there. He could get an extra thirteen minutes with you this way. Spencer was given his perfect excuse to keep the date going in the form of heavy downpour; his apartment was far closer than yours, and he proposed you two should seek shelter together until it stopped. I hope it never stops. 

     Spencer held tightly onto your hand as he ran with you through the rain, giggling all the way to his apartment. He may not like wet, cold climates, but he sure did like holding your hand. Being next to you made him feel incredibly warm somehow when the temperature outside was very much not. And you felt completely at peace sitting on Spencer’s couch wearing one of his sweaters that he lent you. Truthfully, your own clothes weren’t so wet from the rain that it was necessary, but you both pretended it absolutely was just to be able to experience this. 

     It was clear that the rain would be going for a while and all you wanted to do to pass the time was continue listening to Spencer talk. You discovered that when he’s not interrupted, he loves to go on runaway tangents, often bouncing between different trains of thought as one idea sparked him to remember another. It was almost a sport to keep up with him, but it was perhaps the only one you’ve ever enjoyed. It was so easy when everything he said interested you. You loved that Spencer taught you something new every day, but no matter how niche a piece of trivia or shocking an unknown fact was, it could not beat the things that he taught you about himself. He was letting you in on so many unseen dimensions of himself whether he knew it or not, the explicit ones revealing implicit ones. 

     You had happily stayed in his home for hours, absorbing every word he spoke. What entertained you the most was the ability of your conversation to jump from deep, serious places to lighthearted stories filled with jokes and teasing and back again in a way that felt completely natural. Your favorite anecdote of his was the story of how he got addicted to coffee. It was the BAU’s favorite inside-joke that Spencer liked his coffee sickeningly sweet and you always wondered how he could tolerate it. Just looking at it made your teeth ache. When he told you why, you thought that the backstory was even sweeter than the coffee.

     As a twelve year old college student, Spencer found himself experiencing sleep deprivation for the first time in his life. The course load was more rigorous than he had in high school and even the boy genius needed to readjust to the new expectations of college. More importantly, he needed to cope with pulling late nights at the library if he wanted his first degree by the time he was eligible for a driver’s license. The Red Bulls that the other kids seem to gravitate to seemed far too aggressive for Spencer, their potent smell of chemicals a huge turn off. They were definitely not for him. 

     He remembered how often his mom used to drink coffee, always in the morning while Spencer got ready for school. Being at CalTech and away from his mother, who remained in Las Vegas most of the time due to her condition, made him so homesick that he took up a coffee habit as a reminder of her. He loved the way it smelled like every comfort he had ever known. 

     Though he appreciated its smell, Spencer, of course, was not ready back then to love the way it tasted. He was still after all a twelve year old boy who had a sweet tooth like any other kid. The bitter drink was almost offensive to him, so he always made his coffee with extra, extra sugar. He was a menace to the baristas at the campus coffee cart because they would have to refill the shaker every time he stopped by. As it turned out, Spencer was actually a little troublemaker in his youth. 

     You utterly adored this story and the way it humanized Spencer in a way that other people did not consider often enough. Yes, he was the genius in incredibly advanced classes for his age, but he was also a little kid who behaved as all little kids did. He also experienced struggle and had to cope with it just like everyone else. He was not, as some chose to believe, a complete anomaly beyond understanding. Those many misunderstood idiosyncrasies Spencer had started to feel grounded as you learned more about him and could appreciate how and why they came to be.  

     But the night was dwindling down and two of you had gone through many stories since the start of your day together. Hitting a caffeine crash, you found yourself unable to keep some rogue yawns at bay. It was only eight o’clock in the evening, not an unreasonable time for you to ask Spencer to drive you back home. The rain was letting up to a mellow drizzle. Spencer was running out of excuses to keep you here.

     But you thought about how still hadn’t heard about his first pet lizard, which he caught in his backyard, and you didn’t yet know what kind of music he listened to when he was fourteen. And you no longer thought you needed to make excuses to stay with him longer, so you told him honestly that all you really wanted was to stay the night with him and keep hearing his stories. So you asked him if he would set on a fresh pot of coffee, just so you both could sip at it, staying awake all night together.

     He happily did so, and while he set the large coffee pot on and took out two cups from his cabinet, he thought, this is the first of many wishes of yours that I’d like to make come true.

______

PART THREE

Tag list: @rexorangecounty @rachel-voychuk @snitchthewitch @spencer-blake-supremacy @happyreid187 @rainsong01 @librarymagic 

#spencer reid #criminal minds #spencer reid fic #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid fluff #mgg #matthew gray gubler #spencer reid self insert #spencer reid x y/n #criminal minds imagine #spencer reid imagine #spencer reid fanfic #fluff #my fic #criminal minds self insert

[wooteena]

technoblade speedrunning adopting ranboo (high school edition): the fanfic

also on ao3!

hey remember this post? well i got so attatched and impatient that i wrote over 1k words for a pilot type chapter for it <3

chapter one: officer in my defense i punched that guy because he deserves it

-

Techno Blade-Minecraft would call himself smart. He got good grades without trying, learned second, then third languages with ease, read textbooks for fun, etcetera etcetera. Wisdom without experience was a rare thing to possess, especially in a high school senior but techno had it tight in his grasp, easily making him a ‘Model Student’. He understood he got unneeded attention from that, which sucked, but it was an easy trade-off to be the automatic teacher’s favourite.

But Techno was a man of wisdom, not a man of sense. So naturally, he remembered a fact about baby birds he learnt when he was six years old:

‘Classical "imprinting", as seen with for example, ducks or geese, means that the animal's instinctive programming says "the first big animal you see after hatching is your mom, follow them and look to her for food, warmth, love and learning’

Actually, Techno decided he was the man of Most Sense because at that very moment, the tallest, yet somehow weakest looking freshmen he’d ever seen was being cornered by a group of hefty looking seniors.

And the baby bird, with its innocent, scared eyes was looking right at him.

He looked around the hallway, a desperate scan for other students he could push his growing parental responsibility on to. It was a ghost town, as empty as the remakes of towns from the old west he saw on childhood school excursions.

‘Fuuuuuuuuuuck.’

Technoblade took a deep breath in through his nose, then released it out of his mouth like if he breathed hard enough, his empathy could be taken away with the non existent wind in the soul-crushing grey hallways. It obviously didn’t work because Jesus Christ that kid looked helpless.

As quickly as one could without compromising a freshmen’s still intact nose, Techno examined the seniors. They all wore the school football team’s letterman jacket (‘what is this, Heathers?’), a classic pointer for internalized insecurity, toxic masculinity and most importantly unrightfully self diagnosed Strong Guy syndrome, which meant that they definitely were only beating up a freshmen because that was the most they could actually fight. One point to Technoblade. They also were all at least a solid five inches shorter than him, which Techno would have laughed at if the situation wasn’t so dire. Point two for Technoblade.

Catching himself before letting his wandering mind think up a full five paragraph M.L.A sighted essay to why he could crush these nerds, he decided that two points was enough leverage to still crush these nerds, but with slightly less confidence.

With as much patience as he could, he slowly walked up to the group like a silent lion hunting his soon to be, very dead* (maybe not dead, *slightly bruised) prey. The baby bird, trapped in one of his prey’s chokehold, stared at him like he was a madman. Techno’s objective changed: knock out the dickhead choking a kid.

They stood in a corner, the choker in the middle, the other two blocking off the only escapes and laughing cruelly at the baby bird. Completely distracted.

Techno curled his fist, aiming to punch that asshole’s teeth in or at least break his nose. He starts to run, about five feet away from his target and oh god this is a terrible idea he does fencing not hand to ha-

BAM.

Choker’s nose made a resounding crack and fell back onto the jock on the left. Probably because it’d be ‘too gay’, or whatever, the guy sidesteps and lets a knocked out, nose broken, probably popular kid by comparing his ego to the size of his dick, fall onto the ground

The two awake bullies look between their knocked out friend, then at Techno, then at each other.

“MISS NIIIIHACHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!”

Techno knew they’d call a teacher because they’re cowards but really? Nihachu?

That lady is TERRIFYING what did he do to deserve this.

He let out a long, disappointed ‘bruh’ before with a jolt, remembering the whole reason he punched that jock in the first.

The child.

He doesn’t bother trying to pick up him up because holy hell he’s tall, but pulls one of the kid’s arms over his shoulder, and with his other arm holds their waist and sprints as fast as he can down the hall.

“What the…” murmurs the half dead lump on his back, and while Techno’s surprised his vocal chords aren’t dead? Not even a ‘thank you’? Techno thinks he should start doing charity work at this point.

He continues to run though, because he’s a generous soul, until slowing to open a door that opens the blinding sunlight of the free world outside their prison.

Despite himself, Techno lets his mouth slip into a big enough smile that actually shows his teeth because he just did that. His celebratory moment is cut off though, because the weight on his back suddenly felt even heavier and-

Oh my God the baby bird just fell asleep on me.

Am I a father now?

What do I tell Phil? Does this make him a grandfather?

I can’t just take him home.

What’s stopping you?

Oh my God, I’m a genius.

Techno may be a proclaimed genius, but he is not immune to the inherent propaganda of cute children, so he sets down the kid on the least grimey part of a battered metal bench to get his first proper look at the sleeping giant.

Apart from his injuries (a bleeding nose, bruises forming on his arms, a black eye and a red handprint on his neck) the kid looked… Weird. Techno had subconsciously noticed it while carrying him, but only now the complete oddity of him. His skin from the jaw down was a uniform, warm, dark brown, which was decidedly normal, but his face was… different. Not ugly, no, he looked average, if not perpetually awkward, even in his sleep. The right side of his face was a similar, if not slightly darker tone than the rest of his skin, but where it got weird weird was from the middle of his face and leftward, his face was pale. As pale as Techno, which is saying something because Techno himself has albinism; he has no melanin in his skin.

He found himself sympathizing for the kid again. Techno himself got bullied for his reddish eyes - a symptom of his albinism, and his naturally stark-white skin and hair. It got to the point that he dyed his hair pink, which decidedly made it worse because a guy dying his hair pink ? apparently high school treason to both students and the school rules. His bullies had a colourful range of insults, at least; Techno’s personal favourites being from after he died his hair: homophobic slurs. The teachers had constant complaints and even a couple suspensions, which didn’t stop Techno, obviously. What a wonder public school is.

So yes, Techno understood the baby bird, because despite Techno’s only weakness being himself (and apparently non-threatening freshmen?) as of now, it wasn’t like he came out of the womb a scary pink haired senior. He knew bullying like the hair dye aisle at his local department store.

He knew that helping the kid would make him more attached to the point of no return, but he’d accepted it. It felt like feeding a wild animal more food after making the mistake the first time, it’s not like it’ll get less annoying to have it following you around.

The moment Techno processed his own thought, his face blanched - somehow getting whiter despite literally being the textbook definition of a white boy.

He’d fallen into the ‘senior adopting a defenseless freshmen’ trap.

Shit.

Even more embarrassingly, this didn't deter Techno from pulling his first aid kit, for once his anxious over-packing doing some good.

-

acording to tumblr statistics, only a small percentage of people who like the post actually reblog it. so if you liked it, give it a reblog! it takes five seconds and you can always delete the reblog later.

#mcyt #mcyt fanfic #mcyt au #technoblade #ranboo #nihachu #dream smp #mcytblr #sleepyblr #philza #homophobia tw #bullying tw #violence tw #minecraft youtubers #baby bird au

[a-room-of-my-own]

A while before the latest hoo-ha about Judith Butler, I had just been reading her again. Though she claims her critics have not read her, this simply isn’t the case. I read Gender Trouble when it first came out and it was important at the time . That time was long,long ago. She was just one of the many ‘post-structuralist’ thinkers I was into. I would trip off to see  Luce Irigaray or Derrida whenever they appeared.

I got an interview  with Baudrillard and tried to sell it to The Guardian but they  didn’t know who he was so its fair to say I was fairly immersed in that world of theory.  For a while, I had a part time lecturing job so I had to keep on top of it. Though Butler’s idea of gender as performance was not new , it was interesting.  RuPaul said it so much more clearly in a  quote nicked from  someone else “Honey ,we are born naked, the rest is drag”

What I was looking for again , I guess is not any clarity – her writing is famously and deliberately difficult-  but whether there was ever any sense of the material body. She wrote herself in 2004 “I confess however I am not a very good materialist. Every time I try to write about the body, the writing ends up being about language” . 

Butler from on high ,cannot really think about the body at all which is why they (Butler’s chosen pronoun) are now the high priestess of a particular kind of trans ideology.  The men who worship Butler are not versed in high theory. The fox botherer had a “brain swoon” at some very ordinary things Butler said. Mr Right Side of history nodded along in an interview. Clearly neither of these men are versed in any of this philosophy and would be better off sticking to tax law and the decline of the Labour Party. Butler is simply a totem for them.

Butler said in the Guardian interview for instance  “Gender is an assignment that does not just happen once: it is ongoing. We are assigned a sex at birth and then a slew of expectations follow which continue to “assign” gender to us.”

So yeah? That’s a fairly basic view of the social construction of gender though I take issue with the assigned at birth thing ,which I will come back to and why I started reading her again in the first place.

This phrase “Assigned sex at birth” is now common parlance but simply does not make sense  to me. I am living with someone who is pregnant. I have given birth three times and been a birthing  partner. I know where babies come from. There is a deep disconnect here between language and reality which no amount of academic jargon can obliterate. 

Babies  come from bodies. Not any bodies but bodies that have a uterus. They grew inside a woman’s body until they  get pushed out or dragged out into the world. 

The facts of life that we are now to be liberated from in the form of denial. Only one sex can have babies but we must now somehow not say that. The pregnant “people” of Texas will now be forced into giving birth to children they don’t want because they are simply “host bodies”. The language of patriarchal supremacy and that of some of the trans ideologues is remarkably close, as is their biological ignorance.

There is no foetal heatbeat at six weeks for instance. When a baby is born , doctors and midwives do not randomly assign a sex, they observe it and they do it though genitalia. 

There is a question over a tiny percentage of babies ,less that one percent with DSDs but even then they are sexed with doctors having  difficult conversations with parents about what may happen later.

Somehow, though when I read the way in which this is now all discussed it is clear to me that the people talking have never been pregnant, never had a foetal scan, never been near a birth , never miscarried, do not understand that even with a still birth babies are still sexed and often named. 

If you want to know the sex of your baby you can pay privately and know at 7 weeks ((*49-56 days from the first day of the mother’s last menstrual cycle). A 12 week scan will show it. That is why so many female foetuses are aborted . I have reported on this. 

Talking to paediatricians about this is interesting because they do indeed have to think through these things that we are being told are not real eg. that sex is just a by-product of colonialism for instance.  Sometimes pre-conception , geneticists will be looking at chromosomes because certain diseases are more likely in men or women. Males have a higher risk of haemophilia for instance.  

One doctor told me “When babies are premature, the survival advantage of females over males is well known throughout neonatology. This is sometimes something we talk about with parents when there is threatened premature labour around 23 weeks' gestation and options to discuss about resuscitation and medical interventions. In fertility treatment (or counselling around fertility in the context of medical treatments) it is pretty inherent to know whether we need to plan around sperm, or ova + pregnancy.”

She also said that if she involved in a birth that “assigning” isn’t the word she world use. “Observed genitals a highly reliable observation, just like measuring weight or head circumference which is also done at this time. “ Another doctor said that anyone involved with a trans man giving birth  would be doing the best for the patient in front  of them. 

Sex then is biological fact. A female baby will have all the eggs she will ever have when she is first born which is kind of amazing. It is not bio-essentialist to say that our sexed bodies are different nor is it transphobic to recognise it.

Except of course in my old newspaper ,The Guardian who are now so hamstrung by their  own ideology they have got their knickers in such a twist they can barely walk.  They completely misreported the WiSpa incident , basically ignored the Sonia  Appleby  judgement at the Tavistock. Appleby was a whistle blower ,a respected professional concerned with safe guarding. She won her case. The cherry on the cake this week was an interview with Butler, themselves (?) in which they went on about Terfs being fascists and needing to extend the category of women.

Does anyone EVER stop to think that most gender critical women are of the left, supporters of gay rights, often lesbian and that this is not America? We are not in bed with the far right. This is bollocks. Just another way to dismiss us.  

As we watch Afghanistan and Texas ,to say Butler’s words were tone deaf is to say the least. But they didn’t even have the guts to keep the most offensive stuff in the piece and overnight edited it out without really explaining why : the bits where Butler described gender critical people as fascist. Perhaps because the person their “reporters” had  defended against  transphobia at WiSpa turned out to be a known sex offender,  perhaps because someone pointed out that Butler was throwing around the word fascist rather like Rik Mayall used to do in the Young Ones. 

All of this is rather desperate and readers deserve better. When I left that newspaper I said that I thought and expected editors to stand up for their writers in public. Instead they go into some catatonic paralysis. I may have not liked this interview but it should never have been cut. Stand by what you publish or your credibility is shot.

But this is about more than Judith Butler and their refusal to support women . Butler is not really any kind of feminist at all. What this is about is the large edifice of trans ideology  crumbling when any real analysis is applied. Yes, I have read Shon Faye’s book and there are some interesting points in it and I totally agree that the lives of trans people should be easier and health care better . I have never said anything but that.

What Faye does in the book is say that there can be no trans liberation under capitalism so there will be a bit of a wait I suspect. 

Yet surely it is the other way round and what we are seeing is that trans ideology (not trans people – I am making a distinction here ) represent the apex of capitalism .

For it means that the individual decides their own gendered essence and then spends a fortune on surgery and a lifetime on medication to achieve the appearance of it. Of course lots of people spend a lifetime  on medication but not out of choice.  Marx understood very well that the abolition of our system of production would free up women.

Now it is all about freeing up men. Who say they are women. Quelle surprise.  

 Nussbaum’s famous take down of Butler is premised exactly on the sense of individual versus collective struggle “ The great tragedy in the new feminist theory in America is the loss of a sense of public commitment. In this sense, Butler’s self-involved feminism is extremely American, and it is not surprising that it has caught on here, where successful middle-class people prefer to focus on cultivating the self rather than thinking in a way that helps the material condition of others. “

Such thinking now dominates academia. There is simply an unquestioning  rehearsal of something most of know not to be true thus Amia Srinivasan writes in The Right to Sex  “At birth, bodies are sorted as ‘male’ or ‘female’, though many bodies must be mutilated to fit one category or the other, and many bodies will later protest against the decision that was made. This originary division determines what social purpose a body will be assigned.”

What does ‘sorted’ mean here? A tiny number of intersex babies are born. A tiny number of people are trans and decide to change their bodies. The feminist demand to challenge gender norms without mutilating any one’s body no longer matters. What matters now is this retrograde return  to some gendered soul. This is not something any decent Marxist would have any truck with . Of course one may change over a lifetime and of course gender is never ‘settled.’ We are complex people who inhabit bodies that often don’t work or appear as we want them to.

But not only is there a denial of basic Marxism going on here , what becomes ever more apparent is  that there is a denial of motherhood. Butler said “Yet gender is also what is made along the way – we can take over the power of assignment, make it into self-assignment, which can include sex reassignment at a legal and medical level.”

Self-assignment is key . One may birth oneself. No longer of woman born but self -made. This is a theoretical leap but it also one that has profound implications for women as a sex class. We are really then, just the  host bodies to a new breed of people who self-assign.

Maybe that is the future although look around the word and there isn’t a lot of self-assignment going on. There are simply women shot and beaten in the street, choked to death or having  their rights taken  away. There is no identifying out of this , there is no fluidity here . This is not discourse. It is brutality and do we not have some responsibility to other women to confront male violence ?

Instead the hatred is aided and abetted by so called philosophers describing  other women as Terfs. It is utterly depressing.

The sexed body. The pregnant body. The dying body. The body is in trouble when we can’t talk about it . I thought of Margaret Mary O’Hara’s  beautiful and  strange lyrics and what they might mean. I await my child’s return from the hospital as hers is a difficult pregnancy and thank god they are on the case. The sex of the child she carries does not matter to me at all .

It simply exists. Not in language but within a body. 

Why is that so difficult to acknowledge? 

#gender critical #feminism #transgender #judith butler #suzanne moore