#will I draw spn again ? I'm afraid to look into that

[eisforeidolon]

In regards to that post [X]:

We could talk about the same old fallacies - OMG, Dean's siren is a guy! Yeah, a brother. OMG, Dean was supposed to say I love you in the Crypt scene! Yeah, it was removed and replaced with what the writer explicitly said was the less OOC version of what he meant anyway, "We're family". We could talk about the blatant absurdity of statements like "Dean liked men it happened on my screen" which bear no resemblance to the SPN that aired. But we've done that before and others have got this reiteration of it well covered.

So I wanna focus for the moment on this particular even more repulsive gem: "Like he literally doesn't need to verbally tell us he's bisexual we just know. He may not know but we do. This is an unmovable fact sorry."

It tells us a few things. One, this person is a fucking idiot. Two, this person, yet again, thinks that ~*interpreting*~ sexuality from the way someone looks/stands/makes eye contact/eats pastry/whatever numbnuts conspiracy bullshit you like? Is more valid than how a character identifies and is identified by those who created him. People can just look at you and know what your sexuality is better than you do, there's nothing repulsive about that idea at all! I've got a mountain of shiny pennies that says if Dean had literally never interacted with a man for the entire span of the series, they would have insisted it was because he was so afraid of how much he wanted to fuck them. There was no way the writers could have written Dean that someone like that would have accepted as actually heterosexual, because that's not what they personally wanted, so that's not what they were going to see.

I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how relatively questionable some of the gay jokes in SPN are, especially in the early years in terms of making queerness a punchline. But if we're going to talk about that? We need to do it not only in the cultural context of 2005 rather than 2023, but in the context of portrayals of real world men - and particularly those in fairly rural settings who aren't going to be particularly conscientious in the way they rib each other. Which becomes a whole other discussion about where to draw lines when you're writing fiction and dealing with things that might be realistic but also potentially offensive.

Furthermore, I'm not saying there aren't things that might be said about how SPN continually used romantic tropes for platonic relationships and how it's not entirely absurd for that to land different with the audience when the characters are not blood-related. Except that discussion needs to include not just how maybe the writers shouldn't have treated it as such a joke that a relationship between two male characters might have been possible, but also how fans should absolutely not have equated a relationship being theoretically possible with any specific relationship they wanted being owed to them. Especially in the context of those romantic tropes being used so so so much more between brothers all the fucking time setting the tone. As well as how it's not just problematic to treat the possibility of homosexual relationships as a joke, but problematic to insist literally any closeness between two male entities is gay, reinforcing all kinds of nasty toxic stereotypes about sexuality and masculinity which underlay a lot of modern adult men's issues with expressing their emotions and having genuinely close and open relationships outside of their romantic partners. I've seen fans wonder how heterosexual dudes can watch this show and love the brothers' relationship without seemingly noticing the weird undertones of how claustrophobically intertwined they are, and I think it's very much that when it comes to wanting a fantasy of platonic closeness, they're looking for realism as much as most women reading trashy romance novels are - but that's a whole other digression and this is already too long.

At the end of the day, not only was SPN not created in the cultural context of Very Online Tumbrites in 2023, convinced that nothing should ever be is heterosexual and every fictional story should be about them and what they want? The fact their ostensible original point misses is the real world and most other media of 2023 aren't like that either! Some of these shippers come across like they've literally never seen two adult male friends interact with each other or any actual love stories in media - and it's not just early 2000's television characters getting this treatment from entitled shippers who want to use representation as a weapon against creators as to why they're owed things they absolutely aren't.

#destihellers #faux social justice #long post #Dean *exists* = OMG SO BI!

[charmac]

I really liked your answer to that last anon! I just got into this fandom (and macden) and it's the first one I've been in many years. I was still a teen when I was kinda obsessed with shows like spn and bbc sherlock, and after those I just can't help but think that I'm once again just reading too much into the choices of the writers etc :/ like I want to believe my own eyes but I'm afraid to lol

What you have to try to remember (and constantly remind yourself) is that Sunny isn't like any other show, it's not Supernatural relying solely on Network demos to stay alive, and thus constantly feeding into bait to draw views, it's not a writers room completely removed from the actors.

The heart and soul of the show is completely, from the ground up, Rob, Charlie, and Glenn, in almost complete control. So when you see things the actors do in the show and you think "ugh I'm reading into this just like Destiel, those looks mean nothing, this is just the actors playing it up for..." For what? They've been renewed through 18, they don't even really rely on bringing in a large audience, it's FXX. They make this show for themselves, the audience is just a bonus.

Shows like Supernatural have teams that are often separate, so when something is written it might not be acted as the writers intended, which might not be edited as the actors and writers intended, which is all overseen by the Creator(s) and Producer(s), who have different visions and intentions for their show, which is heavily guided by what The Network allows/approved and believes will bring in views. So what you see in Credits is like any 'normal' show: Created by X, Produced by Y, Written by Z, Top billed cast: A, B, C. What happens with long-running shows like Supernatural, is that all the players develop different ideas and attachments over time, so you'll end up seeing the actors play their characters (and thus relationships) in a way that's a little different from the writers writing it and what the creator(s) want and what ends up in post is some conglomeration of all of these ideas, then pushed out a certain way by The Network to hold their demo and draw views. So you "read into" what you're seeing, it's very much there in many forms, but it's being chopped at the throat and comes out disjointed. Because XYZ ABC all have different ideas and attachments and visions from each other and they have enough sway based on long-standing to (kinda) have their voice heard. You're not reading into something that doesn't exist, you're reading into something that exists but is being butchered and warped by conflicting visions and power. (Just Misha Collins opening his mouth post-SPN Finale is perfect proof of this, lol)

Now look at Sunny, it's not that. Episodes like Bowling are really great examples: you look at the credits and it's: Produced by Rob, Charlie, Glenn; Developed by Rob and Glenn; Created by Rob; Written by Rob, Charlie, Glenn; Top billed actors: Rob, Charlie, and Glenn. So what you're immediately affirmed is that there's very little disjoint even possible. And, not even credited, we know Charlie and Rob were heavily involved in editing and post production (per TASP, Glenn was in Hawaii when they did post on Bowling). So what you're seeing is ALL deliberate, as intended. They are acting out the script exactly as it was written because, they wrote it. And then it's edited exactly how they want it to be because, it's their show and they sat there in the editing room. The final product isn't some conglomeration of different teams with different intentions, it's RCG from breaking the idea in a writers room to approving the final cut of the episode. There's no conflict, your eyes are telling you exactly what the intention of every moment is.

(And per the Meg Ganz Argument: she was quite literally a fan of the show, hardcore Macdennis shipper when they brought her on in 12. Post filming Season 14, she was still tweeting about shipping them. You don't work as an EP, in the writers room, and as a director for a show for three full seasons (ONE BEING TWELVE) and walk away from S14 still hardcore pushing your ship if there wasn't way more going on behind the scenes than we even know.)

Welcome to Sunnyblr! Believe your eyes, trust the structure, appreciate the hints, knowing it's all very deliberate, and be certain RCG(M) know what they're doing, and definitely enjoy driving us mad with it all. We're in it for the long haul, there's just always so much preamble :)

#iaisp #macdennis #rcg #ask #tw: supernatural mention #jk lol #but sorry to all who have to read this who went through hell #oc

[sunnydaleherald]

The Sunnydale Herald Newsletter, Friday, April 12

XANDER: I know what you're thinkin'. Can I get by him? Get up the stairs, out of the building, seconds ticking away... I don't love your chances. JACK: Then you'll die, too. XANDER: (raises his eyebrows) Yeah, looks like. So I guess the question really is... who has less fear? JACK: I'm not afraid to die. I'm already dead. XANDER: Yeah, but this is different. Being blowed up isn't walking around and drinking with your buddies dead. It's little bits being swept up by a janitor dead, and I don't think you're ready for that. (Jack tries to leave but Xander blocks him. Xander is calm. Jack is clearly afraid.) JACK: Are you? XANDER: (glances at the bomb, smiles thinly) I like the quiet. (Jack and Xander face off, the bomb timer counts down. Both are taking deep breaths. At the last second Jack caves and deactivates the bomb.) XANDER: Good boy.

~~The Zeppo~~

[Drabbles & Short Fiction]

No Biggie by NotASlayer (unrated)

Weekly Drabbles #111 — Nothing Inside by veronyxk84 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Poolparty by AnkiKind (Buffy, Spike, Scoobies, G)

Dark Night by mabus101 (The Time Machine (HG Wells) xover, T)

Le revers de la médaille by LadyHeather92 [francais] (The Sentinel xover, T)

Say Yes to Heaven by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, R)

Stay by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Kiss It Better by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Pandora's Box by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

What the Drabble? Vol. 2 - Ch. 11 by VeroNyxK84 (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

[Chaptered Fiction]

Paschendale - Ch. 1-2 by Ninjaviolinist (SPN xover, Buffy, Winchester brothers, M)

Hand in Flightless Hand - Ch. 1-2 by tragic (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Green Eyed Monster - Ch. 3 by Melme1325 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Angel Doesn’t Know - Ch. 2 by fortes775 (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Celebrating You - Ch. 10 by DeamonQueen (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Glimpses of the Cellar Dwellers - Ch. 34-35 by Maldorana Complete! (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

Love Lives Here - Ch. 47 by Passion4Spike (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Early One Morning - Ch. 32 by all choseny (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Goodbye to Everything That I Knew - Ch. 29 by fortes775 (Buffy/Spike, R)

Transformed By Love - Ch. 5 by Buffyworldbuilder (Ilyria/Fred centered, The Originals xover, FR15)

Xander Harris and the Little Pink Pill - Ch. 7 by KyliaQuilor (Xander/Cordelia, FR21)

The Boyfriend Swap - Ch. 5 by Maxine Eden (Buffy/Spike, NC-17)

Glimpses of the Cellar Dwellers - Ch. 34-35 by Maldorana Complete! (Buffy/Spike, PG-13)

[Images, Audio & Video]

Artwork: cangel-tattoos-posting again... by artsying-ifer (Angel/Cordelia, worksafe)

Artwork: Vampires only want to pose ... [with song link] by novivi (Spike, worksafe)

Poster: "No two people in this world are the same..." by l0veisntbrains (for Spuffy fic, worksafe)

Banner: Guess what I was watching while making this Spuffy banner by effulgent-girl (Buffy/Spike, worksafe)

Gifset: BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER | 7.18 by whatisyourchildhoodtrauma (Faith, Spike, worksafe)

Gifset: You know kids today and their buggin’ street slang. BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER 6.11 | Gone by spikedaily (Buffy, Spike, worksafe)

Gifset: [IWRY scene] by ptieuca (Buffy/Angel, mildly NSFW)

Gifsest: Buffy the Vampire Slayer | 4.20 - "The Yoko Factor" by buffysummers (Buffy, Riley, Angel, worksafe)

Gifset: Willow: If I had that blue one... Jo- Joyce really liked the blue one... by andremichaux (Anya, worksafe)

Fanvid: Buffy The Vampire BROKE me by shaun-middleton (Buffy/Angel)

Fanvid: My old Buffy fanvid! [Bring Me Victory] by borninwinter (Buffy/Spike)

Artwork: [key] BTVS 518. Intervention 🤖 by tmcarlee (Spike, Glory, worksafe)

[Reviews & Recaps]

[series recap by new viewer partway through S3] by coolbeansnico

Season 5 - Destiny (Spike and Angel) by AppropriateYou5011

[Recs & In Search Of]

ISO: swiss_marvin [in Switzerland] is wondering where to find [all] the comics

ISO: Qorce seeks a book like Demons of the Hellmouth but for ATS

[Fandom Discussions]

POLL: [Who] Hates Angel The Most? [in S3?] by tana-draws

[Joyce kicking Buffy out and how everyone reacts] by takaraphoenix

[they should have made Willow a teacher starting in S2] by takaraphoenix

[fic idea: The Mayor plays matchmaker for Faith and Buffy ...] by sunnydalebimbo

[buffy summers wasn't straight] by mean-vampyre

Robin should have been more involved in the training of the potentials. by finalgirl1984

you just know robin wood ... [post S7] by angelthemanspanker

Buffybot and Anya should have moved to LA ... by breezybeej

POLL: S01E10 Nightmares by she-saved-the-world-a-lot

POLL: Prelim Round Poll 6 [and other polls] by btvsepisodetournament

POLL related: Semifinals have started! by bestepisode

Controversial opinion - The Body is overrated updated by garfan

A to Z of Buffy updated by various

Which lines hit different when you know everything that will happen in the show? by dontwannachoose12

Would Xander being killed by Warren trigger Dark Willow? by jdpm1991

[the slayer line through Buffy or Faith in S7] by DanTrueCrimeFan87

If Buffy were... 8-10 eps [per] season, which “filler” episodes would be cut? by SunnydaleHSDropout

Jane Espenson on how Buffy was written [2003 posting] by IgloosRuleOK

How Spike's chip worked: A discussion by loki2002

Who are your least favorite non-main characters? by Slayerette444

Spike's chip not working on Buffy by brwitch

Buffy in Tabula Rasa by brwitch

Was this The First manipulating Connor? [ATS thread] by brwitch

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Join the editor team :)

#btvs #buffy the vampire slayer #fan fiction #meta #fan art #ats #angel the series

[laf-outloud]

https://www.tumblr.com/laf-outloud/727083591202471936

I would just like to say a few things:

I was honestly taken aback by this, because even if they won‘t believe me, why not share the info anyway? Or at least respond to it? If there is nothing to what I say, then it could be quickly invalidated or? Unless the two know exactly that I'm right and are afraid of when it comes out.

Here's the thing anon, there really ISN'T a way to verify. They would have to specifically know people who work at those cons and neither of them are based in that area so it's less likely they have connects over there (obviously still possible, but not as likely as for US cons). And even then, they would only be able to verify it for themselves and would still not be able to offer proof. Granted only one of those two cares about showing receipts... it still isn't something that "could be quickly invalidated"

And look at the line up of the English cons and tell me that you could not have paid Jared‘s fee to run various duo shots!

Now about this, even IF they are going to two separate cons from the same company there could be a few reasons for that which have nothing to do with them avoiding each other. As @laf-outloud already mentioned - it's a smart business decision to get a little distance between them since they are still so tied together publicly even years after SPN has ended. With the way CE cons run it would be impossible to really get the separation there (and they have been exclusive there forever when it comes to US cons) so their only chance to really do that is overseas cons.

But you also have to think about it fiscally. Yes, the cons may be run by the same umbrella company but I also bet they have allotted money for each con and with other big names, they can't afford both at one individual con without having to cancel other big name guests who are a draw. Another thing is the fans spending. If they get both J2 at one con then to cover to extra costs they would probably have to increase the prices of ops and autos. That limits the number of fans who can afford to purchase tickets for both and some would pick between the two, meaning less income for the con and J2 themselves. By splitting them, the fans of each don't have to choose and can spend money on one J and also other guests. Plus, splitting them up means a bigger draw to each con (since we've seen how quickly they can both sell out cons). If they were together at one then all the draw would be there, with the split there is an added draw to both cons.

If I'm lying, why is Creation now releasing the second convention for 2024 with only Jensen as headliner but not with Jared? It can't be the money, because Creation takes the same amount for the tickets as usual. And schedule difficulties during an official strike ? Hardly.

First, just because he isn't added now, doesn't mean he can't be added later. And yes the strike is effecting work, but they might still have tentative schedules in place based on when they think the strikes might end. They are surely going to get right back to work when the strikes are over so he might have some idea about work schedules going forward.

But there are also rumors (unverifiable of course) about CE cons and that J2 signed on again but for less cons. Hypothetically speaking (because I do NOT know any specifics, this is simply me giving an example) if they each signed on for 6 cons for 2024 but CE wants to run 10 then there are going to be cons that have one and not the other, that's just logistics and doesn't necessarily mean anything. I'm sure if they wanted to do more than what they signed on for, CE would be more than happy to accommodate because J2 is their real money maker, but if they really did sign on for less and that rumor is true, then the CE con landscape is going to change quite a bit in 2024. I personally think that if this rumor is true, we are going to see Jared do the amount he signed on for, and Jensen will do those plus additional CE cons. We've seen he doesn't want to let go of SPN and with the spending the Ackles do (10mil mansion anyone?? That clothes budget....) they can't really give up that income.

You make some great points, anon. Thank you for sharing! It would make sense to split the pair up and draw more SPN fans to multiple cons than to have them all gathered at one con.

I would be really interested if your speculation about the Creation schedule were true, mainly because I'd love to see how different a Jensen-only led Creation con would work vs. a Jared-only led con.

#ask box #convention speculation #creation conventions #multi-fandom conventions #jared's convention appearances #jensen critical #just in case

[hologramcowboy]

Bro, I figured it out. The reason Sam grew on me so much as SPN went when I was originally a major dean girl.

It’s because of Jared’s growth as an actor. If you compared the later seasons to the earlier ones, it amazes me how much he improved over the years. I mean, he was always a good actor but if you look at Jensen’s acting it mostly remained stagnant. I love the guy and all, but Jared kept putting in the effort and it paid off.

Jensen was growing up until a point where he just settled on modeling JDM (even modified his voice to match his as if his own voice wasn't perfect for Dean) and forgot about his own incredible layers and exploring his depth. Jensen is still a bookable actor but I say he could be so much more than his current level. He seems almost afraid to grow and explore and especially to be vulnerable which is what incredible actors are all about. That's their superpower, their vulnerability draws you in, think of Meryl Streep, for example. Jared is very dedicated to this craft and you can see this in the inner work he does for a scene. I'm not surprised he was tapped for a lead role, his professionalism shines through. I admire that, because I know that Acting with depression does take it's toll, people think acting is the easiest thing in the world because they've never tried to emotionally put their whole selves into someone's experiences, it does take an emotional toll especially when you are playing a character as complex as Sam. I have no doubt a part of his issues stem from the fact that due to his character he kept repeating destructive phrases and emotions over and over again thus empowering those connections within the brain instead of healthier ones. Sorry, went a little deep, my point is Jared put his soul into Sam and that also comes with a price. I'm glad he is now exploring a different Universe (with Walker), where he can be lighter.

#jared appreciation

[c-kaeru]

In case you’re wondering. I, in fact have been drawing, just not Supernatural stuff lmao 

Let’s not talk about my Diluc obsession lol

I’m posting all of these in a dump bc I know it’ll flop anyways since my blog was built on SPN

#genshin impact #fmab #kaeya #diluc #riza hawkeye #edward elric #roy mustang #diluc ragnvindr #kaeya alberich #genshin fanart #my art #my genshin art #will I draw spn again ? I'm afraid to look into that #anyways ! :D #skjdgksfhljkhf #I'm more active on instagram and twitter #and everytime I saw an ounce of spn drama I get a knee jerk nope reaction lmao #*see not saw

[wigglebox]

‘dean winchester #16 for the color scheme’ for @/srgntbuckybarnes

Original: June 12, 2014 | Redrawn: Jan. 27, 2022

Comparison:

#spn fanart #spn art #dean winchester #wiggleart #spnfanart #spnfanart redraw project #once again idk why the colors look different in all three photos but the brightest one is the right one lol #also so okay one thing that bothered me sometimes looking now at all this old art #is that i didn't really shade like i was afraid of shading because i didn't really understand it #now i'd argue i still don't really understand it but i at least have methods i like to use for texture and for shadows and highlights #i really like hatching i'm pretty sure y'all knew that by now lol #and i can do simple block shading now but i'm somehow really bad at it still awejfalwekjf #anyway #again also happy that i kinda a desire to include more details #also this drawing is realllllly different than my original #idk why i put him in a tracksuit thing #and because i was so afraid of shading and highlights his hair turned out WAAAAAY too dark #i mean it's a little darker than i usually like it right now in the new one but i wanted to make sure to add some more light into it #alright i'll stop talking now laewkjkalwejflaewkjflj #thank you for coming to my ted talk #well not even a ted talk just thanks for like you know idk #being here #...sorry if you're still reading

[loveinterestcastiel]

sursum corda

Part one of a new canon divergent series, “A Sacrament to Be Taken Kneeling”

Summary: the opening dialogue to the eucharistic prayer, or anaphora, translated to english means “lift up your hearts”, and is the beginning of a devout worshipper’s holy communion with god

Canon divergent from 6x22, this one is rated M for religious blasphemy, power dynamics, and mature subject matter (later installments will be rated E for violence, sexual content, and graphic depictions of blood). Honestly this is just a fucked up exploration of the catholicnatural that could have been if the spn writers hadn’t been cowards and had instead really leaned into the whole Godstiel thing, and his dynamic with Dean. I’m going to hell for this and you know what? That’s just fine with me.

It can be read here or in AO3! Enjoy <3

Castiel was brighter than the sun, and he was beautiful. He was the most terrifying thing Dean had ever seen, because somewhere in there, he could still see Cas, the old Cas. He let Crowley go. Dean was going to kill that demon, but- later. Later, when they got out of here and got Sammy put back together.

Then Castiel blew Raphael up with nothing more than a snap of his fingers, and their most formidable adversary, after all these months, was suddenly just a bloody smear on the wall. The last Apocalyptic threat, gone, just like that, leaving Dean and Bobby alone with a Cas-gone-nuclear.

They were so, so fucked.

Cas looked over to Dean, his face softening incrementally but still distinctly smug.

"So you see," he said, turning away from Dean and moving as if to inspect his explosive handiwork, "I saved you."

Dean Winchester is saved.

“You sure did, Cas,” Dean said faintly, drifting further into Cas’s orbit as if somehow compelled. Castiel didn’t acknowledge him, keeping his back turned, his spine ramrod straight. Damage control. Holy fucking shit, damage control right now. “Thank you.”

“You doubted me. Fought against me.” He slowly turned to face Dean, a mockery of their first meeting in that rundown barn years ago, tilting his head the same way, his blue eyes the same limitless color and just as mesmerizing, but somehow about a million times more unsettling. “But I was right all along.”

Dean’s stomach swooped. “Okay, Cas, you were. We’re sorry,” he added quickly, his breath shallow and shaky. “Now let’s just defuse you, okay?” he suggested, the words cumbersome and heavy in his mouth.

Cas narrowed his eyes almost imperceptibly before relaxing again. “What do you mean?” he asked icily.

Dean forged on desperately. “You’re full of nuke. It’s not safe, so before the eclipse ends, let’s get them souls back to where they belong.” Oh, he felt like he was going to be sick. Please, Cas, please just listen to me…

“Oh, no, they belong with me,” Cas countered, his tone almost patronizing, like he was speaking to a child.

“No, Cas,” Dean interrupted before his brain or his fear could catch up to him. “It’s- it’s scrambling your brain.”

“No, I’m not finished yet,” he said firmly, with the ghost of a cold smile tugging on his features. “Raphael had many followers, and I must-” Cas paused, choosing his words, “punish them all severely,” he finished deliberately.

Bobby’s eyes darted over to Dean. He was visibly horrified.

Okay. One last effort. Okay.

Dean shoved down his fear and tried again. “Listen to me.” He stepped closer to Cas, swallowing hard as his voice fought to stick in his throat and looking steadily into his eyes. “Listen- I know there’s a lot of bad water under the bridge. But we were family, once,” he pleaded. “I’d have died for you. I almost did a few times.” Castiel’s face remained impassive but Dean continued. “So if that means anything to you- please,” he begged, abandoning his pride. “I’ve lost Lisa, I’ve lost Ben, and now I’ve lost Sam. Don’t make me lose you too.”

Castiel wrenched his eyes away from Dean’s and cast his gaze down to the floor between them. Was he considering it?

“You don’t need this kind of juice anymore, Cas,” he tried to reason. “Get rid of it before it kills us all.”

A beat.

“You’re just saying that because I won,” Cas mused, raising his gaze back up to look at Dean again, pinning him there like a specimen under a microscope. “Because you’re afraid . You’re not my family, Dean,” he said, closing the remaining distance between them until he stood less than an arm’s reach away, positively radiating power, the air vibrating with it. “You’re just… human.”

His eyes lingered on Dean’s face, tracing his freckles, his eyelashes. Whatever he was looking for, he didn’t seem to find it. Castiel’s face hardened into stone, his next words iron. “I have no family.”

The words rang in Dean’s ears, banging about his brain and battering it into despair. It felt like a small death, his heart pulling on his ribs as he floundered for a new angle to pursue.

And then Sam was there, behind Castiel, and he just stabbed him with an angel blade, and Cas was swaying just a bit with the blade still stuck in his back as Sam gasped for air behind him, clearly distressed and stumbling backwards.

Dean froze, horrified.

What the FUCK were you thinking, Sam?

But- oh. Oh god.

Cas wasn’t dead. It didn’t work. His brain buzzed blankly with a static-y sensation of bewilderment as Cas reached around himself and pulled out the blade- shiny, clean, utterly free of blood- with an alarming squelching noise.

"I'm glad you made it, Sam," Cas said in a distressingly level voice, placing the newly-extricated angel blade on the table in front of him before turning to glance at Sam. “But the angel blade won’t work, because I’m not an angel anymore,” he said, matter-of-fact as could be, as if he hadn’t just dropped yet another massive bomb on their lives. Sam looked to Bobby, his eyes wide, and Bobby shrugged back minutely, similarly floored.

Look at me, Cas, leave Sammy alone, you’ve done enough-

As if he heard Dean’s thoughts- fuck, was he praying?- Castiel turned back to Dean and met his eyes. “I’m your new God,” he said, with an air of authority and immense self-satisfaction permeating his words. “A better one. So you will bow down and profess your love unto me, your Lord. Or I shall destroy you.”

Bobby’s eyes widened in the periphery of Dean’s vision as time seemed to swirl and slow down to a crawl- clearly, he hadn’t expected this either.

Sammy was strung out and swaying on his feet behind Cas, his eyes darting and rolling over the room as he rode out the hellish things that tormented him in his head, seemingly incapable of reacting to the gravity of the situation as what Cas had done put him out of his mind with fear.

In the span of a heartbeat, Dean made his choice. He had no choice.

He fell to his knees.

The crack of bone on hard tile was near agony. His gun clattered uselessly to the ground beside him as he shifted his gaze to land somewhere around the hem of Castiel’s coat. He couldn’t look at his face. Couldn’t meet his eyes. It was almost impossible to believe the terrifying figure before him was once his closest friend, and had saved him from Heaven and Hell alike before he had turned into whatever this was.

His throat was dry. He forced himself to swallow, drawing his tongue over his bottom lip as he tried to find the right words.

Bobby started to kneel, too. Survival instincts, probably. He’d have never gotten this old without them, anyway.

“My lord,” he began hesitantly.

The new God waved his hand dismissively at the title. “Castiel.”

“Castiel,” Dean corrected himself. Great start, you fuck up. “Cas, I swore my obedience to Heaven, once. To God, and his angels. To you,” his voice cracked as he risked a glance at the former angel. His eyes were like fire. Glowing. Unreal.

Bobby interrupted: “Dean, no-”

But Castiel snapped up a hand, palm out, and Bobby’s mouth moved, but no sound came out. “You will be silent,” Castiel ordered, his eyes never leaving Dean. He looked intrigued by Dean’s sudden compliance and admission. “I’d like to hear what you have to say, Dean. What can you possibly say to justify your lack of faith in me up until now? I could have cast you back into the pit, and Sam, too, had I not done this, all of it, for you.”

“I know you did, Cas,” Dean said. “Thank you. I- thank you. You were right, about everything, and I should have listened to you. I was wrong. I should have trusted you.” The words tasted like poison in his mouth. A part of him meant it. A part of him was just desperate enough to say anything. The rest of him wanted to see the cold monster in front of him dead. But how could he turn back now, without sentencing them all to death? If he played his cards right, he might even be able to save Castiel. Surely if he could get him to let go of those souls, he’d start to see reason, would be Cas again. But he was getting ahead of himself. Gotta think a little more short-term, right now. Band-aids and duct tape, not trauma surgery.

“I was blind,” Dean said, “and proud. I took you for granted, and I can do better. Be better. For- for you.”

He had never felt so weak. Groveling to his dad was different. He was his dad’s son, sure, but there was no love there. It was all survival, clinical, even his rage and his fists when Dean didn’t do enough to earn his mercy were detached. Duty and discipline and disappointment. This was different. It was hot with near-tears, messy and filled with grief for a man who wasn’t even dead. He wasn’t lying earlier when he told Cas he was like a brother to him. It was the closest comparison he had for what the angel was to his heart. He had never needed anyone like he needed Castiel- because he wasn’t Sammy, or Bobby, or Lisa, or Ben, or Cassie, or any other category of need. He was just Cas. And Dean wanted him in his life. Or he used to, anyway.

“I don’t know what I can do to make it right between us, Cas,” he said, his throat tightening slightly. “But I want to,” Dean offered, looking down in shame. “I want to be-” he choked out.

“What do you want, Dean?” Castiel asked, taking another step forward, the very picture of authority and control. One more step and Dean could reach out and touch him. The air was electric, heady with power as it positively radiated from his body.

He lifted his head to meet Castiel’s eyes in a pose of supplication, his knees aching, his eyes burning with tears as the situation started to overwhelm him. “I want to be forgiven,” he gasped out. “Cas, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive us.”

“And Sam’s betrayal?” Castiel inquired, casting new fear into Dean’s heart. “He stabbed me in the back. And he has not knelt as you have. Why should I offer him mercy?” he mused.

“Look at him, Cas,” Dean said quietly. Sam was hunched over on the floor in the corner, holding his head in his hands, rocking slightly into the wall and pushing off of it again in a strange repetitive motion. “He can’t follow any of this. I don’t think he even knows where we are. It’s been getting worse as time passes. He was slightly more coherent an hour ago, but-” Dean shook his head. “I think he was just trying to protect me. I don’t think he even knew who you were, just- saw a threat and tried to take it out.”

Cas made a noncommittal little noise, glancing over to where Sam had retreated.

“Cas,” Dean said, drawing his attention back to himself. “He didn’t know what he was doing. Can you try to forgive him that?” he pleaded as the first tear escaped and ran down his cheek.

“And in return?”

“Anything,” Dean swore. “Just- Cas, please. I’ll do anything. I will, I swear it. Just please help Sammy.”

“It won’t be as easy as you think,” Castiel warned. “I want your trust, Dean. I want the bond we once had, and your submission to my better judgement, untainted by your... fear.” His voice turned hungry, reminiscent of when they worked that killer Cupid case last year and it turned out to be Famine. To be on the receiving end of desire of that magnitude was by turns exhilarating and horrifying. “I want your love.”

“Cas,” Dean said faintly, unable to tear his eyes away from his friend’s face even as Bobby attempted to fight his holy gag order from his place next to him. “I… I’ll try. For you,” he added, trying to add a note or resolve to his voice as his thoughts roared in fear and grappled with the idea, stuck on the precipice of this terrible new unknown he had run up against. But he truly had no choice. Sink or swim.

“I swear, Cas,” he said, raising his hand to his heart, “I’ll try.”

Castiel’s eyes softened. They stopped glowing.

Suddenly, for a moment, he looked just like himself. More than that, he looked heartbreakingly human.

He moved suddenly, sending Dean’s heart sprinting again for what felt like the hundredth time that day.

But he didn’t hurt him. He didn’t hurt Sam, or smite Bobby, or engage in any sort of holy wrath. He just kneeled, in front of Dean, and clasped his clammy hands briefly in his own warm, dry ones before shifting them both to his right hand and raising his right palm to Dean’s cheek, his eyes darting over his features with an air of disbelieving gratitude. It was so...

Castiel had lovely hands, Dean noticed. Strong, soft, and broad, with a gentle grip and long, agile fingers. So different from Dean’s own hands, already scarred from the last few years of wear and tear since his resurrection. Of course, he’d noticed before. Noticed that sort of thing about Castiel, how he used his hands to fight, to pray, to eat and to comfort, how they looked drenched in blood and how they looked at rest. How they looked striking a blow to his own face, and how they looked when he healed him. They were one of a million things Dean knew about him better than he knew himself.

“Oh, Dean,” he said softly, “That’s all I ask of you. Just try. Lift up your heart to me, and I will give you everything.”

Dean inhaled sharply, his chest tight as he leaned into the touch. "It's yours," he breathed out, "It's all yours, Cas."

Castiel smiled, and the world fell away.

Tagging in some people who I think might be interested, just dm me to be added or removed: @castieljew @dependsupon @autisticandroids @sunforgrace @heller-jensen @lateral-org @cactuscas @adhdeancas @icaruscastiel @holmesemrys @evermorecastiel @yana125 @faithcastiel @good-things-do-happen-dean @i-sing-for-me @whatevr-4evr @sonder-stars @jeanne-de-valois

#destiel #castiel #dean winchester #deancas #my fic #destiel fic #ao3 link #a sacrament to be taken kneeling series #astbtk series #godstiel #this is all catholicnatural baby #catholicnatural #dm me to be added to/removed from tags #inspired by a castieljew post #castieljew #dependsupon #autisticandroids #sunforgrace #heller-jensen #lateral-org #cactuscas #adhdeancas #icaruscas #holmesemrys #evermorecastiel #yana125 #faithcastiel #good-things-do-happen-dean #i-sing-for-me #whatevr-4evr