#wish i could at least exercise today but i think it is a chest infection im coming down with. so im not sure i physically can | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rowanthestrange · 3 years

Note

Have you seen the new episode yet?

Yes!

I feel sorry for Chibs as it’s certainly not a bad episode all things considered, but has the problem of pretty much everything not quite hitting given everything in the interim. He has my sympathy. I imagine there has been a lot of loud swearing and staring at the ceiling in his household.

At the very least, I’m always a sucker for a new Dalek. And his strategy of getting around the Terry Nation Estate’s ‘use them every series or lose them’ rules about the Daleks by having them always at New Years but also forming a distinct but easily followable narrative between those episodes is something after my own heart. A very smart way of doing things.

And Ryan got a good long scene with the Doctor! Look, I take what I’m given.

No idea what John Bishop’ll do or be like or anything, but I was down on Bradley Walsh to begin with and Graham ended up my lovely eldest son, so I’m not judging a thing until I see it. And finish the whole series of it.

Gonna be real though, I thought if there was any new companion, we were getting the girl in Osaka who looked up at the spaceship...

What else might you want from me...hmm... oh meta.

‘The alien thing connecting into computers to control stuff’. Cyberium/Mastery. Along with the ‘how long has this been happening for’ thing in a soft way. Just running themes. I think it was an...interesting choice to have the mutants lose rather than win, which is sort of counter to what we’ll call ‘real world meta’, and therefore could potentially play into a theme where the Time Lords are the mutants who lose, etc. etc.

Ignorable, more personal, ‘Where the HELL have you been?!’ section, a question I don’t really answer, as you all should know I’m a Snufkin by now:

Because the special is so unfitting with our own 2020 in some respects (not the police stuff - that’s evergreen), it’s had the opposing effect I expected on a casual WIP I’ve been playing around with most of the year, where I actually feel like I may carry on looking at it, rather than it ending up in the ‘why bother’ pile I’d put it in. And he brushed against enough of my work that I think some people might actually still feel it worthwhile even if not canon. I can certainly slot some bits in pretty perfectly.

No promises though. Writing requires a certain section of my brain to play ball which happens now and again at the moment, but the much rarer ability is where I can take a long thing and put it together with ma brain damage affecting my memory of the sections I’m supposed to order. (I often wish I had some sort of free Patreon-like system where interested parties could read through the probably hundreds of thousands of words of partial work I’ve accumulated and put aside for various reasons. Might genuinely hire an editor one day tbh cus there’s so much 90% done work that y’all could be enjoying.)

In my time away - which will continue by the way, sorry - I came up with what I think may be the answer to where we’re going-slash-have-gone with the Timeless Children/baby Doctor and Master/Cyberman/Frankenstein stuff. Or AN answer at any rate. But I only came to it when I was having an urge to write something completely non-canon for the hell of it following a Star Wars YouTube Documentary, but it does actually sort of work. I’ll explain it in fanfic form or else won’t explain it at all, because if I’m right it would be a waste not to do it in story form - either Chibs’s or mine.

And if you really are interested in my life stuff, EDS and Dysautonomia kicking my ass including my sight and hearing, and because I tend to get long chest infections with side effects that stick around for years (or forever), I’m just permanently indoors all the time. I don’t actually mind it. I’m that sort of autistic. I’ve got my partner and that’s all good and dandy. IT work was mostly remote anyway. I made a mask with dragons on it for going to blood tests etc. and was continuously appalled by the UK not giving a single shit about mask wearing until the ‘law’ and they still just take it off the second they leave the shops anyway so... ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I get to live inside for the foreseeable future. Especially if Johnson’s yahoo approach to making a half functioning vaccination cocktail ends up selecting for a Super Covid. But I got Crafts now man. It’s like my getting religion only I feel less guilt for screwing up. One day I’ll be back and you will see all the ridiculous stuff I’ve made. Like my Twelve and Bill cosplays (with hand embroidered patches on Bill’s jacket) for a pair of bears. But alas, that’s not today. Hope everyone is ok. And not changing their usernames without telling me. My lack of my reaching out is not a lack of caring. I just need a lot of spoons to carry conversation in any sense, and unfortunately I’m having to take more responsibility in my political garbage because everyone else is sodding off, and all that has me in a massive spoon deficit.

Eat good. Take vitamin tablets, D especially. Do exercise, even indoors for 10 minutes, and when you don’t want to. Make something every week, even if it’s just for you to see. And love, like, or at least tolerate yourself; don’t hate yourself, cus all this shit should have shown you by now there are waaaay more hateable people out there, droves of ‘em, and you don’t even rank, my friend.

(I’m still in my chrysalis of hibernation and am currently in a liquid state. I will emerge to interact fully with the world again, when I have coagulated into my moth form. This is a normal process, do not be concerned. Things sent to my inbox send emails that should reach my oozy form. Or may not. That’s tungl for you.)

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onthevirgeofdestruction · 4 years

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Dreaming While I Wake

Sanders Sides Foster Care AU - Roman-centric Angst & Hurt/Comfort & Abuse Recovery

Roman tries to be upbeat and hopeful despite all the shit that’s happened to him. And a lot of shit has. Luckily, his new foster home is with two literal rays of sunshine (and a sarcastic asshole).

Words: 3,998 Warnings: Bad Teachers, Scorn of Peers, Violence Against Golems and Soldiers, Weapons, Negative Self-Talk, Negative Self Image, Playful Threats Characters: Roman, Thomas, Virgil Universe: Dreaming While I Wake Genre: Vibing™ too hard

Chapter 23

chapter 1 for new readers - ffn mirror

Roman sighed and leaned back on the bleachers. It was dodgeball day, it seemed. He wasn’t the biggest fan of being hit by something unexpectedly, so not having to participate was relieving. Roman didn’t want to do homework or read a book to pass the time, like they allowed him to, because it would make him look like a major nerd to a ton of dudes with testosterone pumping and that was just bullying central.

He couldn’t use his phone during school hours, though. He’d just do it anyway if the gym instructor wasn’t watching. She wasn’t a fan of the doctor’s note at all and continued shooting glances at him. As if he would mysteriously heal or something equally miraculous. They weren’t all mean glances. Mostly just annoyed. He got the same from most of the other people in his class. He’d probably also be jealous of sitting out on dodgeball, too, if he wasn’t already.

The gym teacher seemed miffed about the fact that the physician’s note was open-ended since Roman had to be cleared for exercise by a doctor. It was the same for any broken bone, but without a cast, people had trouble believing it seemed. This wasn’t Roman’s first rodeo with broken bones or anything. She was vexed she’d have to print up packets to serve as make-up classwork. Roman wasn’t aware you learned anything in gym class other than suffering, so that was new.

He wished he had the packets to work on already. She wasn’t doing anything other than lying back and ignoring a bunch of teen boys pummeling each other with dodgeballs, so it’s not like she couldn’t go into her office and print them up. Maybe she was attempting to make Roman stew in frustration for not taking part. If she was, she was succeeding fantastically. Roman was jittery and pissed off and generally in a terrible mood.

Fighting slouching in bleachers was surprisingly difficult. He just craved to lie down and take a nap, but the classmates would hate him more if he did. So Roman persevered and watched from the bleachers, catching himself slouching when the soreness in his side got worse. He positioned himself up high enough up that he was out of the danger zone of dodgeballs, but that meant the people against the wall could see him clearly.

He received bitter looks from people who were out and sitting on the sidelines on the gymnasium floor. He didn’t understand the ire since they were relaxing, too. Roman would personally rather take a dodgeball to the chest than a steel toe boot, but life just didn’t work out like that. He tried to elevate his feet while he watched. He wouldn’t get much of a chance to raise them throughout today, and they hurt. It was still better than staying home again. At least they were finally well enough that he could walk.

It was Roman’s bitter luck that Nolan was in his PE class and kept shooting him glares. This period was taking him forever. Nolan seemed to get progressively more annoyed at him for whatever reason. Roman sighed and decided not to look back. He didn’t prefer to accidentally start some kind of glare war. Roman’s left foot tapped nervously as he stared at the gym ceiling, waiting for the minutes to pass.

When he noticed himself fidgeting, he was supposed to wear the gloves, but there was no way he was ostracising himself even further by doing that. He didn’t care that he technically agreed to a compromise over it not wearing them in school. He stood out like rainbow tulip in a dead lawn with gloves and a T-shirt. They weren’t as obvious with his jacket, but his jacket was white and the brown leather just contrasted it. Roman just couldn’t find a way to make it work. He had shoved the gloves deep in his backpack instead.

He checked the massive wall clock in the gym as he carded his fingers through his shaggy hair. Roman had a bit of time to pass until history class. He had just sort of stewed in anger for most of the period, but his brain must have finally ranted out what it wanted to say for Roman to be capable of thinking about something else. He knew better than to challenge the times his head was obsessed with something by now. It was just easier to wait it out. Just another 10ish minutes of chilling on the bleachers to go. He was so bored it hurt, like a painful pressure gripping his brain and trying to open it up.

Roman lolled his head back to the ceiling and forced his mind to drift instead of fighting it. Something fun. Something cool. Fighting off an army atop a dragon. A spectacular sword. The dragon’s flames were acid green and melted everything instantly. Roman leaned back on his hands on the next row up of bleachers.

He was fighting the magically animated golems of an evil tyrant. He fired a crossbow to protect the dragon as it decimated the golems below. The great iridescent black dragon was trying to charge up a blast when Roman was nearly thrown off of it by flying machinations that expelled ice beams from their torsos. He was able to catch on to the tail and pull himself back up, deflecting ice beams with his sword. The dragon charged up its power in time thanks to Roman’s defense, and the machinations melted into puddles far below.

The dragon shot Roman a look, and Roman understood in an instant. The mighty winged beast flew close to the earth, and Roman tumbled expertly off the dragon. Roman and his trusty sword ploughed through the golem army, swinging wildly and protecting himself with well-timed blows and using the enemies as his shields. Roman approached the castle by foot as the dragon cleared out further golems around him. The army was dwindling, and they were successful.

Roman turned his eyes to the looming castle ahead. He had to stop this madness. Roman reached out and the dragon’s great claws swooped down and grasped Roman’s arm and lifted him from the field of decimated golem parts. The dragon flew Roman over the moat and past the raised drawbridge, but ballista prevented the dragon from going any further in. Roman was jettisoned towards the outer castle wall to get him closer to his target. He rolled as he landed on between the crenelations, skidding to a stop to stand and fight the soldiers.

Humans were arming the ballistae and defending the doors, and Roman couldn’t bring himself to kill, so he sheathed his blade and instead relied on his legs to do the talking. Roman leaped about and kicked soldiers off the machinery, knocking them out in a few precise hits to disable them. The guards at the door brandished blades at Roman, but he reached for his crossbow and fired a well-placed shot at each, pinning the soldiers by their clothes to give Roman just enough time to breach the doors.

The guards inside weren’t so easy, though. Roman had to take out his trusty sword once more to defend himself. He knew the evil sorcerer’s magic compelled them to fight, and they didn’t deserve death for the mistakes of another. Roman did his best to take the higher ground and send soldiers toppling down the stairs in the tower. He hoped he hadn’t harmed them too severely, but perhaps once this was all over healers could come help mend those Roman had to battle off.

Roman ascended the stairs into an upper corridor. Massive banners billowed in the wind that blustered through the hall. The magic was stronger here. Roman had to resist the powerful effects that caused his head to swim in the aura alone. Things would be worse in the inner chambers. His boots clicked loudly against the cold stone floors as he dashed down the hallway. This area was suspiciously empty of soldiers and the smell was strange. It felt almost electrically charged. Roman ran into a dead end. This couldn’t be the wrong way, could it?

He examined the hall further as he turned around. The walls were adorned with massive tapestries and sconces fitted with gems. The waste of the kingdom’s resources alone was ample reason to dethrone this monster. But his use of the forbidden magics propelled Roman forward to do what had to be done before the entire kingdom fell to ruin from the sinister arts infecting the lands.

Banners and tapestries littered this hall, but a strangely blank wall between two sconces caught Roman’s attention as he passed. Roman wasn’t practiced, but he felt what he was looking for. He reached deep within himself and forced out the raw power within. With unrefined powers, he could do nothing skilled, but he could break a barrier. The illusion shattered and a strident cracking sound shook the hallway. One minor success wasn’t enough to celebrate, though. Roman was here for one reason alone. He scaled the stairs that were obscured by the now broken barrier two at a time as he pushed deeper into the belly of the beast.

The staircase narrowed and Roman sprinted with all of his being to escape the shrinking passage, staying ahead of the walls cinching shut behind him. This dark sorcery could try to deflect him, but Roman was quicker. He raced up the stairs and cleared into a new chamber just as it was becoming too narrow to traverse. Roman stumbled in, his bearings shaken by the sheer intensity of the tainted aura encasing the chamber. This would be his most challenging battle yet.

He straightened his back and locked eyes with the dark sorcerer upon his despicable throne. The entire room shook with the sorcerer’s booming, sinister laugh. Roman drew his blade and stood his ground. He wouldn’t show weakness now. Now that the final battle was here, he had to stay strong. He couldn’t afford an ounce of fear as he slowly approached the villain’s throne as the ominous wind howled all around them. Then the bell rang and Roman tumbled back on his bench from the shock. Shit.

Roman grabbed his backpack and left as fast as he could safely stand down the bleacher stairs. The students down on the wood gymnasium floor weren’t familiar, however. And even the wrong age group. Son of a bitch, did he miss lunch? Stupid ridiculously short lunch periods! He was late for class. Goddammit, he didn’t even get to defeat the evil sorcerer!

He wasn’t surprised nobody told him or anything, but he couldn’t exactly be a speed demon on his healing feet. Roman knew if he stepped the wrong way he’d get stuck at home a few days again and he wasn’t risking it. He also didn’t need detention for running. Roman went as hastily as he could manage to his history class.

He’d rather be back in the castle than history, but he could never get a daydream back once he lost it. That meant that particular kingdom was doomed to fall to the taint of the forbidden magic under the rule of a tyrant. He was at least lucky he ended up daydreaming instead of sitting there and being bored for the whole period.

Roman pushed the classroom door open as quietly as he could achieve, but a classroom’s worth of eyes landed on him as he arrived. He flinched at all the unwanted attention and headed for his seat.

“Detention, Mr. Reinhart,” The teacher drolled as Roman slid into his desk. Son of a bitch. Roman was fated to detention either way. He had so much homework though, it wouldn’t make a difference if he started it in after-school detention or if he did it at home. Roman may as well do it today, just to have it out of the way.

The teacher’s voice droned on as Roman got out the things listed on the board and struggled to follow the lecture. It felt like the words went right into gibberish land when he attempted to focus on them, so Roman had to find the careful balance between focused and distracted without slipping into another daydream every class. It was annoying as hell.

He tapped his fingers on his thigh and started doodling stars in the margins of his notes. Other than clearly jumping in the middle of a lecture, he could start to try to pinpoint things that sounded important to take notes on. People, years, locations, quick event summaries, and concepts that were generally interesting. Teachers liked to use kinds of things those on tests. Missing part of the lecture was nothing new for Roman, anyway. His notes were always a scattered mess out of context, but if he managed to label an overarching category, he could usually understand them.

Roman was sketching a bobcat jumping between the stars when the bell finally rang again. He traded his homework for a detention slip at the teacher’s desk and left the classroom in a huff. That dragon with the awesome super hot flames would totally eat that teacher for breakfast. He wished to know more about those tapestries, too. He had lots more notes to fail to take and pages of homework to turn in, though, even if he could get a daydream back.

If Patton didn’t help him on Sunday Roman didn’t think he could have possibly done all the homework he had gotten over the 3 days he was out. It was like the school was trying to kill students with mountains of paper. How many trees did academia kill every year, anyway? Probably a horrific number he shouldn’t look up and depress himself further with. He couldn’t stop thinking about that daydream. Those golems made such a cool noise when they died, damnit. He’d probably give up and attempt to bring the daydream back next class.

—

Roman sighed with relief when his eyes met with the couch as he arrived at the house that afternoon. His feet were sore as shit and he wanted to put them up more than anything. Stupid fresh skin, not hardened to the brutal reality of life yet. He felt it every time the skin on his foot bent.

He slid his backpack under the coffee table so no one would trip over it and kicked off his shoes to lay back on the couch. Bed might be better, but couch . Sure, he seemed like he lived there lately, but right now home was wonderful. Roman buried his face under a throw pillow and sighed with relief as blood shifted out of his feet and he was no longer opposing gravity to keep a straight spine. Good posture was hard.

“Roman?” Thomas asked, and it sounded like he came into the living room from his office. “Oh, there you are. I was wondering where you were. You didn’t answer your texts,” He said, sounding concerned. Whoops. He felt a little bad for worrying Thomas.

“Sorry, after school detention,” Roman said plainly, flipping his hand. “Hadn’t taken my phone off silent yet,” He explained from behind the cushion.

“Detention? For what?” Thomas asked curiously.

“I was late to history,” Roman responded blithely as he flopped his arm loosely off the couch.

“Because you couldn’t move quickly enough? Those heartless-” Thomas sounded surprisingly pissed. He’d seen Thomas being irate before, but this was new and a little scary, if he was honest with himself. He knew it wasn’t about him , but all angry adults made him want to run. He needed to cut Thomas off.

“I was late because I was an idiot and spaced out waiting for gym to be over, not because I couldn’t get there on time in the stupid 8 minutes they give you,” Roman interjected quickly. Thomas settled down fast, thank god, and just looked concerned again. He was used to ‘concerned’ from Thomas. That was fine. Roman settled down again, sinking the tension from his muscles back into the couch. He was hungry and thirsty but didn’t feel like getting up. He didn’t even feel like getting up to play games. Though he had at least another hour of homework and shouldn’t play anyway, or he’d forget to do it.

“Were you-” Thomas started and Roman had a feeling he knew where this was going.

“I was fine. I was just daydreaming and didn’t hear the first bell go off,” Roman cut him off to explain.

“How did you not hear ?” Thomas asked, bordering on disbelief and befuddlement.

“Daydreaming, remember?” Roman reminded him, unsure why Thomas was confused. Had he never gotten caught up in a daydream before? It happened to Roman every few days, it seemed.

“And nobody told you?” Thomas asked, furrowing his eyebrows. What kind of school did Thomas go to where people looked out for you? Geez.

“I’m lucky I didn’t get pelted with a dodgeball. It’s fine. The detention is already done, and I did some homework in it,” Roman shrugged lazily. “Detention isn’t much of a punishment when you have nothing better to do. There was a stoner in there just doing zen finger crochet for the whole hour. It was amazing. I think I learned how to do it just by watching him. I’ve only ever used a hook,” Roman said, still feeling very impressed by how he didn’t stop or do literally anything else. Roman’s gesturing knocked the throw partially off his face and he didn’t bother to move it back.

“I… suppose that’s a good way to look at it. Is there something we can get so you can have more fun at home?” Thomas proposed, sounding awkward. Roman had no idea what he could feel awkward about, though, and he certainly wasn’t giving Thomas any money-spending ideas.

“And make detention suck worse for the next time I mess up?” Roman lilted airily and let out a single dark laugh.

“ Roman ,” Thomas responded firmly, crossing his arms and furrowing his brows. He had a surprisingly intense gaze for a dumb joke.

“What? It was a joke,” Roman replied dryly with a small huff.

“I don’t appreciate that you made the assumption that you’ll inevitably mess up,” Thomas sounded upset and shook his head lightly, looking pointedly at Roman.

“Well, it’s the one constant in my universe, so why not embrace it?” Roman sighed and flipped his hand dismissively close to the floor, feeling too lazy to move more than that.

“ Roman ,” Thomas chided. Roman rolled his eyes that were partially skewed by the pillow.

“Fine, whatever. I don’t need anything. I’m sorry, that was in poor taste or something,” Roman conceded. He was too tired to argue.

“Why are you shaking? I didn’t scare you, did I?” Thomas asked quickly in a concerned tone. Roman furrowed his eyebrows and threw off the throw pillow to look at his hand.

“Oh, huh,” Roman commented blithely, watching his hand slightly tremble. “No, you didn’t startle me. I’m okay, I’m just fu-frickin’ tired. That happens often, I don’t know why. I assume it’s my crap sleep,” Roman explained and his hand sagged back down.

“Good catch, kid,” Thomas chuckled weakly. “I’ll make you some tea, maybe that will help?” Thomas said, not sounding sure but hopeful nonetheless.

“You don’t need to do anything for me, like I said it just kind of… happens,” Roman shrugged and laid his arm over his eyes.

“I’ll make myself some tea, too,” Thomas said lightly and headed to the kitchen. Roman huffed, but he wouldn’t mind some tea. He could make it himself without bothering Thomas, but if Thomas was already doing it for himself, then maybe that wasn’t a big deal and he could let it go.

Something was unsettling about laying his arm over his eyes, so he returned it to limp noodle status and stared at the ceiling instead. He wondered how Remus was doing. He also wondered what Virgil was doing holed up in his room again. Virgil had that laptop. Maybe he did something on that all day. Being allowed to use the TV here was awesome, but Roman got the draw of hiding in your room with the door closed. The living room was open and a central part of the residence. Lying around in the living room for nearly a week made him much more comfortable here, though. Thomas and Patton were worrywarts, but they were… nice. Being out here was okay sometimes. He didn’t want to push it, or anything.

Thomas came back out into the living room and slid a mug of tea on the side table near where Roman was laying and he sat down nearby with his mug, holding it in his hands and looking like he was sniffing it. Roman caught a whiff of the tea while he passed, and it smelled like vanilla and spices, which smelled relaxing.

“I feel like playing something kind of silly. Do you want to join me?” Thomas looked over to Roman with a small smile.

“Um, yeah, sure,” Roman nodded and slowly shifted himself to sit up on the couch again, putting his feet up and sitting sideways. “I’ll go lay in your office, or something, you don’t have to stay out here to watch me,” Roman offered nervously. He had fun playing with Thomas last time, and Thomas knew when to stop so Roman wouldn’t end up playing forever on accident and forget his homework.

“No, I hit a roadblock with writing. I need to take a break before I fry my brain. We cook stuff together in this game, it’s kind of fast-paced but it should be fun,” Thomas responded brightly, getting up to grab the controllers. “The game is kind of hard with just two, so inviting Virgil might help. Will you text him?” Thomas asked, slipping out another controller from the charging station. He passed off a joycon to Roman with a smile. Roman nodded and invited Virgil to play with them.

“Do you think he wants to?” Roman asked carefully.

“It never hurts to ask. It’s nice to feel included even if he’s busy with something,” Thomas said, settling down on the couch again. That was a nice thought, but Roman didn’t like it when people shot him down when he invited them to things. Roman watched his phone uneasily while he waited for a response. Virgil normally texted back quickly. Virgil sent back a thumbs up and came down the stairs a moment later.

‘I will kick your ass,’ Virgil signed with a smug smile, backing up into the couch and climbing up to the top. Thomas tossed him a joy-con and smiled brightly.

“Okay, one sec,” Thomas said and straightened his hair while the game loaded. “Cool. Pick your characters here. Make sure they look different enough you don’t get confused. Patton had that problem,” Thomas chuckled. Virgil picked a vampire, Roman chose a dragon, and Thomas picked a unicorn. Roman was amused they all chose supernatural avatars. Virgil stared at the loading screen in confusion for a moment where it showed the map.

‘Wait, co-op?’ Virgil fingerspelled and narrowed his eyes at Roman. Roman held up his hands and shrugged.

“What’s wrong, Virgil?” Thomas asked, noticing Virgil’s glower.

“I suppose I should have specified this wasn’t a versus game,” Roman replied, glancing between Virgil and Thomas and chewed his lip.

“It’s fun, just give it a shot. A few levels and we can switch to a fighting game if you don’t like it,” Thomas offered. Virgil considered it for a second and nodded in agreement, turning toward the TV and looking intense. Roman liked that compromise, as well. He hadn’t played a fighting game in a long time and couldn’t wait to show Virgil he’d need a lot more than determination to beat him.

Personal Taglist: @bunny222 @elizabutgayer @prinxietyforever @kanene-yaaay-o-retorno @the-sympathetic-villain @croftersjam15 @ollyollyoxinfree @xytiiko

the taglist repository:

High school: @dragonwithproblems @starlight-era @averykedavra @potatsanderssides

Roman Angst: @k1ngtok1

Hurt/Comfort: @callboxkat @nonasficcollection @supernovainthenightsky @evoodo123

Roman-Centric: @smileyzs @robinwritesshitposts @thatgaydemigodnerd

Fostering AU: @i-am-not-a-dinner-roll

literally everything sanders sides: @katelynn-a-fan @dwbh888 @grouptalekindnesssoul @the-hoely-bleach @anvil527up @fanficloverinthesun @brain-deadx0 @the-grounded-raven @ananonsplace

#tsss #sanders sides #tsss fanfiction #sanders sides fanfiction #tsss fanfic #dreaming while i wake #ts roman angst #ts roman #teen!roman #dad!thomas #angst #chapter fic #violence tw #bad self talk tw #teen!virgil #fanfiction #fanfic #ayri writes

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bluehhj · 5 years

Text

listen to me — chapter 4

LISTEN TO ME — 0004

listen to me masterlist;

WORDS: 1.3K

It was unbelievable how fast the gossip ran within that University, all thanks to the staff of the newsroom. Nothing went unnoticed by certain figures, who made a point of being always well-informed to keep the corridors full of facts about each day's misfortune. And it wasn't just one or two matters, but several. If your name fell on Jackson, Lalisa, Bambam or Seungkwan's lips, all that remained was to pray that the personal damage wouldn't be too huge.

A hell.

"He broke up with her yesterday, and by text message, can you believe it?" Jinah's ears caught Boo Seungkwan's voice muttering to a tall boy as he passed the main gate. "Okay, last year, the number of people taking on homosexual here grew like grass, a real phenomenon, but he could've done things less harshly, don't you think?"

"These people are terrible," Chan said, after moving away from the entrance infected by the virus of excessive interest to what wasn't about their own lives. "You sneeze and they even write a biography about it. At these moments, I thank for being so invisible."

Jinah also thanked, at least for the time being.

The four friends separated when they had to enter different buildings, with the exception of Jinah and Jade, who attended the same course. The first class started fast, because the professor who would take care of the room in the first two schedules was very rigid and detested delays as much as he detested parallel conversations. After a long explanation based on slides and a big list of exercises, the man with bored features, left and gave place to the sweet professor of Psychoanalysis, often credited as the sweetheart of the future psychologists. Kim Taeyeon's classes were so good and practical that no one noticed when the time came to an end, and suddenly it was break time.

"Don't forget to study the subject at home now to make it easier in the week of the test," the professor advised tenderly as the college students left the room, as if talking to elementary school students. "And eat well enough to be strong, huh?"

A few laughs and "I adore her" remarks served as a response, and soon the class separated, more than half choosing to follow the path of the cafeteria and the other half split between the campus and the library. Jinah and Jade were part of the first group, and together with Changbin and Chan, they always sat at the same table between the window and the center of the cafeteria, because it gave a privileged view to all corners of the place and was closer to the snack bar. Jinah used to buy juice or even a sandwich when she didn't have time for breakfast at home, while Chan ate his fruits and Changbin and Jade shared pieces of pizza. It could be considered a kind of routine.

"Good morning, my consecrated ones." Kim Woojin sat down in a clear space on the table. "Do you guys already know the news?"

Perhaps because he was studying marketing and had to be very communicative for such a profession, Woojin would do that guy who walked with everyone and nobody at the same time. Kim's network of friends was very extensive, from freshmen to veterans, and it was very normal to see him circulating among the cliques and arranging new colleagues all the time. And even if he wasn't as gossipy as the future journalists, the versatility of his companies provided him with access to a lot of interesting information.

"About the boy who broke up with his girlfriend by message?" Chan asked, though he had no idea who the two of them were.

"No, that's old," Woojin said, and opened his bottle of orange juice. "You know Elkie from the veterinary class?"

"No."

"She's pregnant."

"What?" Jade almost choked. "With who? She doesn't even have a boyfriend."

"It looks like she's pregnant with the first-floor calculus professor." Woojin shrugged. "Maybe they were having a case on the sly, or something. All I know is that the bomb exploded and her father is very angry. Oh, and also has the story of Han Jisung with Kwon Chaerin."

Jinah almost spilled that she knew about it, because Jisung called the help desk, but her good sense alerted her in time and prevented her from doing so. It must've been very difficult for Han to be the target of all those comments, and adding more subject to the nasty mouths would only make things worse.

"I heard about this today," Changbin said, also resolving to hide certain information. "Actually, I think everyone expected that."

Jinah's eyes raced across the tables, searching for Jisung's chubby cheeks, and intimately wishing he hadn't missed coming to college. It wasn't long before she found the over-beautiful features of a dark-haired boy she knew to be Han's friend because she'd seen them together so often, and then it was easy to locate who she really was looking for. From a distance, Jisung didn't look so dejected, though his eyes were on the fruit salad and he didn't look like much to talk to the handsome boy and his girlfriend.

"It's so sad, I'd like to see them together," Woojin lamented. "They fit well. Not better than Chaerin and Seungmin, but I think this isn't the time to put the topic on the table. It's none of my business, either."

The subject ended when the eyes of half of the cafeteria turned to the door and the sighs began to be released without much discretion. The reason for so much attention was Wong Yukhei, entering the place with his dark hair wet and wearing a white shirt, which seemed minimally wet and marked his muscles of the chest and abdomen. The chinese boy was in physical education, and every monday was practice day at the pools — the perfect day to enjoy art. With his tanned skin, tall stature, and muscles worthy of full attention, Yukhei was seen as one of the University's beauty icons. Even Jinah had to admit, looking at him like that sounded more like a temptation.

Jinah decided to ignore it. Her eyes searched for Jisung's table again and now she saw him alone, since his friends were in the queue of the snack bar. Han had said they could see each other, and Jinah even promised to pay him an ice cream, so that must be a good time.

"Where are you going?" Jade asked as Choi stood up.

"I'll see how Jisung is" simplistic, Jinah walked away from her friends' table and couldn't help but hear from Bambam, who'd, in some moment, come near her friends' table, say indignantly "Is she already going to shoot the boy?! Not even two days passed! Oh, Jinah, machine gun!" But she tried to keep ignoring him and sat down in front of Jisung.

Han, who had his thoughts flying on another plane, took a few seconds until he noticed a different presence on the table. He thought it strange because he'd never seen that girl in his life, and no matter how frustrated he was and wanted to discount his anger at the first person who appeared, he forced himself to be polite.

"Hello?"

"Hello." the girl grinned, and then Jisung remembered the voice, his eyes widening.

"Jinah?"

"How are you?"

Astonished, was what Jisung wanted to answer. He'd never have imagined Jinah to be so... Beautiful. Judging by the facts, he expected to find a weird girl or maybe an annoying nerd who spent saturdays listening to problems of the losers, because had nothing else to do — Jinah had said that she wasn't a pervert and not full of catarrh, but Jisung couldn't deny that he still doubted — and now this: a work of art in front of him, sculpted perhaps by aphrodite in an attempt to carve herself.

Life really preached a lot of jokes.

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gobigorgohome2016 · 7 years

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A Good Dose of Perspective

Yesterday I had one of those days that, honestly, when I admit to the way I felt people are probably going to be super annoyed with me. While I know it sounds like a pretty sweet gig to stay at home with my dogs, write about running and animals, run as much/whenever I want, and have constant access to my kitchen, the truth is that there are times I really wish I had a 9 - 5 job that I structured my training around, and that when I came home at the end of the day I knew I was done and could relax.

I don’t feel this way often. Mostly, it happens after a bad workout (like I had on Tuesday), when Dave is out of town (like he is this week), and when my dog(s) are being especially needy (like they were yesterday). By the time my massage therapist came over at 6 PM yesterday (yes, I know...I am making my first world problems sound even worse with that last statement), I was over my day.

There were only so many walks, romps in the yard, games of tug of war, and doling out of interactive toys that could be done. I skipped my second run of the day because I felt like shit after my first run of the day and I couldn’t re-hydrate to save my life. I was still annoyed that I didn’t hit a single split in my 5 x mile track repeats from Tuesday (FYI, that’s the shittiest workout in the world when you’re not hitting your times), and I was really behind on work because I’m incapable of ignoring barking, whining brat dogs.

Then, while I was driving to my workout today I saw a dead man on the side of the road receiving chest compressions. I guess I don’t know for sure that he died, but the fact that the police were still at the scene 2 hours later probably wasn’t a good sign. He had been hit on his motorcycle.

So, yeah, got a good dose of perspective after that.

I read once in another runner’s blog about a study where when you are faced with mortality before exercise you will perform better. I don’t know if it’s true. I haven’t read the study. It was just something that I remember reading about second-hand and thinking, hmmm. that’s interesting.

Today my workout was a simple 5 mile fartlek of 3:00 on, 2:00 off. This was the perfect complement to Tuesday’s workout, because it was entirely effort based, and I didn’t even wear my GPS to know what my splits were. I have a 5.3 mile loop that I run, and I figured I would just run the loop while completing as few 3:00 on/2:00 off portions as possible. I guessed it would take 7.

The funny thing is that after you see a dead person, you start to wonder what you are doing with your life. Why am I running? because I can; because I’m talented; because nothing beats the thrill of racing; etc. etc. What holds me back the most? being afraid of dying. Not dying in the literal sense, but in the lactic acid build up, lungs seizing, gasping for air sort of way.

I don’t know if it was what I had witnessed in the past 30 minutes, or if I was seeking redemption from Tuesday, or maybe a combination of the 2, but I was out for blood in my workout. I certainly started too hard. Or, at least I think I did. I was already breathing hard at the first set. But I didn’t care. What’s the worse that would happen? I would die?

I wound up completing the 5.3 mile loop in 30:56....or, right at 6:00 pace. I have checked and rechecked the distance and the time. My normal fartlek average is ~6:30 pace, especially because I run my easy portions SLOWWWWW (thing #4306045 about me that drives Dave crazy). Of course, the day I want to see the data is the day I didn’t wear the GPS.

In general, the past couple months of this training cycle I have been actively working on becoming comfortable outside my comfort zone. My bread and butter workouts are tempos, long runs, etc. and I haven’t done much in the past 10 years that has made me breathe embarrassingly hard. I like it, though. There is something cathartic about sounding like a freight train in a quiet city nature preserve when people are trying to bird watch.

It also turns out that working really hard brings up some weird emotions in me. I have found myself facing things that hurt me YEARS ago in the middle of these workouts. I know that emotional release during exercise is a thing, but I thought that was more reserved for deep hip and heart openings during yoga, not 400 m repeats.

I get this sense that I’m on the precipice right now of moving to a new level. I’m in the process of saying goodbye to the person who calls herself “just a marathoner” and rehashes the story of her leap of faith that happened to work out to someone who is confident in her ability at all distances. It has taken me a while to get there, but the most important part of this training cycle has been the realization that my hard work is uncovering some talent that has been dormant for quite some time.

With that said, it’s funny how perspective changes. Two months before I ran 2:38, I ran an 8k in 28:40 AND WAS ECSTATIC. Last Thursday, I woke up from a nap and headed out to the tow path and did a 5 mile tempo in 27:14. These are the moments that I reflect on when I sometimes wonder what I’m doing with my life and I remind myself I’m on the right path.

Another dose of perspective: we adopted another dog last week. Even though my social media posts about it might have made it seem like an impromptu decision, Dave and I had actually been talking about it for some time. We were emotionally, and financially, prepared to take on another animal. (PS, we FINALLY cancelled our cable and replaced it with ROKU and now save $80 a month. highly recommend).

Anyway, the day after we decided we were ready to take on another dog (our stipulations: senior and Sadie’s size or smaller), we attended a benefit for the rescue that we volunteer with. We were touched by the rescue president’s tribute to Smokey that we were unaware was going to happen. At the end of the night, she told us to let her know when we were ready to foster again, and we said we were actually looking for a small, senior dog. Her eyes lit up and she told us she actually had a 14 year old spaniel that needed a new home. I said we would take her after I got back from Florida.

My life’s dream has always been to one day have a senior dog rescue, like Old Friends Senior Sanctuary. I have always been drawn to animals that need help. In fact, when I adopted Sadie I was actually looking for a big, male, senior dog. How I wound up with a small, female puppy is still beyond me, but as far as I’m concerned she is the only dog I will ever adopt as a puppy.

Nothing makes me happier than fixing the problems a senior dog has and watching him or her remember how to dog again. We are already seeing this with Lucy. When she came to us, she had an eye, ear, and tooth infection. Her family gave her up because they wanted a puppy and didn’t like that she no longer played. After 3 days of antibiotics, Lucy began initiating play with Sadie. She has been walking 2+ miles per day with us. She is a love bug, and Sadie has already taken to her, which we have never experienced before (Sadie is typically indifferent and bratty with new dogs).

But, what do I love best about senior dogs? They are a constant reminder to make every moment count. When you bring home a 14 year old, you have no idea how long you have. We could have weeks, or we could have years. Loving on another dog makes me happy , and I also am grateful for the daily dose of perspective.

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crosbysierra95 · 4 years

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seoagencypro-blog · 4 years

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new year 2020 wishes

I would like to share a message with you that I am most passionate about. Something that in today's hectic and stressed world is all too often brushed under the carpet in exchange for prioritising career, credit cards, bills, television or other daily occurrences which although might be important, are less than nothing without health, energy and prevention of disease. This message is that of doing all we can to create a healthy body, which in turn will lead to a healthy mind, healthy spirit and once this is achieved, I believe that anything you decide to do or be with your life is possible.

"A healthy man has a thousand wishes; a sick man has just one." - Ancient Chinese Proverb.

To share this message in complete clarity, I first want to start with the wonders of the human body, the one thing that allows us to experience the world in which we live upon. In simplistic terms, our body is our servant humbly working for us twenty four hours a day, seven days a week, for an entire lifetime. Sitting now perhaps take a moment to close your eyes, place your hand on your heart, feel your heart beating in your chest, take a deep breath in through your nose and then exhale. Become conscious of the thousands if not millions of perfect chemical changes, processes and energy that is within your body right now.

Know that your heart is beating sixty to seventy beats per minute for you and will never take a second off from doing this, even as you sleep, your heart will continue to pump nutrients, oxygen around your body to deliver to every cell, every organ within you. Even right now as you read these words, your digestive system is creating enzymes, digestive fluid and before the day is even out you will have created over ten litres of digestive fluid to keep you absorbing the nutrients you eat on a daily basis. Note that if you become sick, you have a self defence system that is commonly referred to as the immune system which is capable of creating two hundred thousand new immune cells every minute to fight off infection. In fact, every seven years give or take; you literally have replaced every cell in your body. We truly are an incredible species and unselfishly your body will do everything that it can to keep you alive and well for a lifetime.Merry Christmas Wishes

The challenge in this is that health is the most needed thing on this earth, yet, it is also the least appreciated. The pressure of the media promoting a perspective of the perfect body, the quick fix diets on offer and the information overload of what is right and what is wrong has desensitised most of us to really understand what is required to be healthy. Unfortunately, as we live this bright lights but emotionless state, we do anything that will quickly numb the pain of stepping up and changing the way our health is, from addictions, crash diets to miracle pills, our health is paying the price on numerous levels and you do not even need to leave your street to see the symptoms of this toxic society. Obesity, diabetes, cancer, high blood pressure, PVFS, childhood signs of heart disease, arthritis, osteoporosis are all modern day conditions that with a simple creation of consciousness to what is in our food, what decision we make when it comes to our health, could be drastically minimised and perhaps even if we really grabbed hold of this, eliminated.

It appears though that the knowledge to do the right thing is there in abundance, there are more holistic specialists than ever before and this is a good thing. Yet, even though for example in the state of Texas alone there are concerns that by the year 2020 one in two babies will be born with diabetes, it is clear people are not in enough pain to change on a global scale. In time and I am not sure how long, the bubble will burst and people will either drastically change their eating habits or fall apart (literally,) from the lack of nutrients and toxicity from what they are consuming. Right now, I would just like to be one of those holistic specialists who can get the message out there on some level; perhaps it will be on a small scale, perhaps a large scale, let's just wait and see.

My reason for this passion in nutrition for optimal health on every level is not from a negative health experience from myself, quite the opposite actually, I have always enjoyed learning about what our food contains or doesn't contain for that matter and I have seen the benefits personally of eating right, but also as a wellness specialist, seen people whose lives have been so dramatically affected because of poor nutrition and nutrient deficiency. Getting to the point here I need to ask a question "do you believe our food has the required vitamins and minerals needed for each of us to live a healthy lifestyle?" I would imagine your answer would be "no." With this, let's start to understand that our body is responsive and already we know that it is an amazing machine that can help us live an amazing life. However, just like your car, if you are to place diesel in an engine that is unleaded, will it run sufficiently? Will you get from A to B? Absolutely not.

To achieve good health, we need a range of fuels that all have different functions on a cellular level. For example, vitamins C, and also B complexes are water soluble vitamins that we really need every day, combined with various other vitamins and minerals such as magnesium and zinc. This list of course is far longer and unique to each person pending on what they are missing, lacking in their current diet or lifestyle but just the knowing that more of the good stuff makes the difference is important. I am a firm believer that correct education of what can be done to improve wellness and to make the body healthy is really what is needed. If people can understand that illnesses, ailments and any almost any concern with the body is simply a lack of nutrients or too much toxicity then we can start to move away from the "I need to stop eating for 3 days to lose weight," type mindset.

Let's look at this in greater detail and as we have already covered in some detail nutrient deficiency, let us take a look at toxicity and its affects. The farming industry and the supermarket industry have been trying to keep up with demand for a long time now and unfortunately because we are a very demanding species, many shortcuts and cost cutting processes have been put into place. I will not voice my other opinions on the farming or supermarket industry right now, however, keeping this straight forward, in order to keep up with this demand, these processes have results in many chemicals being sprayed on crops, being added to livestock diets and put into our food overall. Pesticides, herbicides, fungicides and insecticides are designed to kill living organisms so the food does not rot by the time of purchase but thinking about this, are we not living organisms too? Even though we are far larger than that of a small parasite, eating food coated in these chemicals will accumulate to creating an acidic body in the end. Also, what about growth hormone especially in animal proteins, additives, even chlorine, aspartame, preservatives all present in so many of our foods. We are an organic species and life creates life, unfortunately, with many of these chemicals, our body can simply not keep up and the result is the toxicity that started on the outside ends up on the inside of our body.

Let's flip this on its head for a moment though. Without asking someone to move up to the mountains and live from a fresh stream for the rest of their lives, what if they were able to reduce the chemicals they were putting into their body on a daily basis through better selection of food and diet? How about if they were aware that proper supplementation of correct vitamins and minerals are essential especially if our food lacks the nutrients required for good health? Finally, what about if that person was able to alkalise their diet over a period of time to detox the chemical damage that has previously built up in their liver, adipose tissue and cells in the body? Would that person feel healthier? Would they reduce ailments such as allergies, obesity and stress?

Again, think about your dream car, everything you ever wanted in this vehicle, giving that car the best quality fuel and every few months lifting up the bonnet to ensure it gets the proper maintenance are all essential to know you can drive that car everyday with pride and happiness. Well, our body works exactly the same. Our digestive system which contains literally millions of digestive enzymes, our small intestine which has the great responsibility of absorbing nutrients into the blood and the liver, our colon which is the final call for waste products before being passed out of the system can all be effected positively if we understand what food is real food and what is anti-food that will simply destroy our system even if it takes many years.

Beyond this we have an entire network of systems, organs and processes all constantly giving us life to keep us healthy for the rest of our lives. If we are unconscious to this and we continue to not give our body the macronutrients, the micronutrients that it so requires, ailments and disease are sure to follow. Finally here is the beauty of it all. It doesn't need to be impossible; you don't have to have a degree to understand perfect nutrition for your body. In today's world we can do the research through the power of the internet, we can see a holistic specialist to figure out where our health is currently, perhaps through kinesiology, iridology or other natural non invasive methods, from there the correct nutrition can be advised to you.

All in all though, the choice in completely in your hands. You can choose a life abundant in well-being and energy through some exercise, cleansing your body on the inside, proper hydration as every cell in your body needs water to function correctly and a diet that is rich in nutrients not a starvation process put together by some celebrity marketing stunt. You can be as healthy as you choose to be. If reading this has inspired you on any level I simply ask you at minimum to become aware of listening to uncomplicated and wonderful signs that your body gives you every second of everyday. Perhaps that itching of your finger shows that a certain food does not give your body the best that it deserves, maybe you sneeze without even realising this could be a food lacking in nutrients, or even just the feeling of abundance around certain fruits and vegetables is enough to help you to realise that there are many options on the road to optimal energy and health that once achieved, who knows what else you might find p urpose in within your life. It's a very exciting journey and path to choose to take.

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