#you don't know what ive been through

[dont-read-this-im-dead]

Sister: [my name] hates me because I make her deal with her own crap and refuse to coddle her.

Me, living with sister: I did so many adult things today! I'm exhausted, but I feel great!

Mom: maybe if you start acting like an adult, I'll start treating you like an adult!

Me, around mom for 5 minutes: I baby.

#i act how I'm treated #stop treating me like im five #shut up mom #trust me #i know what im doing #family #sucks #i hate my liiiiife #ill do what i want #don't tell me what to do #don't act like you know me #you don't know me #you don't know what ive been through #don't treat me like a kid and expect me to have adult reactions

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

queer signalling: louis and harry living their beautiful queer lives, collected by me

since we must take note of our fellow queers when they signal that they are very much one of us, despite being closeted. since i've had a very very queer few years thanks to them, thanks to their signalling, thanks to them being brave.

(!! this list isn't exhaustive, and if i've forgotten your favorite, by all means let me know. there's always room for another edition. it's been a while since i made a compilation and felt there was a need of a new one on my blog. this one goes a few years back, since my last one dates from 2021 :'o. so yeah. here we go.)

harry in my policeman, playing a closeted queer man, based on the book that's long been one of his favorites. lauded by the director and co-stars for how well he portrayed this character, how well he understood.

harry wearing a green flower on his chest for the mp premiere, placing himself (once again) in the same line of history as oscar wilde.

louis's green flowers on his initial 28clothing jersey at the first afhf, which includes bonus roses and 28s all around

the entire late night talking mv bc!!!!!

louis's rainbow stage lights during sibwawc. he really did that. every single night.

the entire dazed magazine happening. “I’ve always tried to compartmentalise my personal life and my working life,” he explains. / “I have unlocked an ability to be myself completely, unapologetically,” he says with conviction." / “I think through my own sense of self and personal journey, I am realising that happiness isn’t this kind of end state.”

louis's gay exit songs: most notably 'ever fallen in love (with someone you shouldn't've)'

harry flirting with stanley tucci

louis and his gay ass tank tops !!! we must point it out !!!!!!

all along

harry kissing a pride flag during harry's house ono in nyc

rainbow flare during the btm mv

harry being gifted a mask of his own face at munich n2, which prompted him to say that he feels like he's wearing a mask sometimes

28 in a triangle for 28clothing!!!!!!!!

kit connor soft launching 28 clothing. a young actor starring in a queer coming-of-age series, who was forced to come out after being accused of queerbaiting. he was the first one, besides louis, to wear 28clothing

harry's grammy's speech "people like me" (which ppl sadly misunderstood), echoing what he's been saying on tour for years. this doesn't happen to people like him. if they only knew, right?

harry's freddie-inspired outfit for the grammy carpet (which also brought back his theme for clown/jester fits, like harryween 2021 n2. wonder why)

louis's merch graphic where a boy is trying to smash a glass ceiling

harry posing for david hockney, actual living legend, gay artist of the ages. "Styles seems to know how lucky he is, adding, with a tinge of disbelief: “I’m in awe of the man with enough one-liners for a lifetime.” As to what those one-liners might be? Styles and Hockney’s mutual silence on that question suggests that what happens in the studio, stays in the studio."

louis having suspicious visuals during back to you, the only visuals of that type on tour

harry's 2022 harryween outfit: dressed as danny (literally. he did that. he went grease on us.) but wearing sandy's jacket

louis at barricade aka held safely in the arms of strong security personnel

harry singing man, i feel like a woman and still the one with shania twain. while wearing a rainbow discoball jumpsuit (parallel with kacey musgraves wearing a rainbow dress to sing it with him years ago.)

louis's gay ass merch for the away from home festival

harry dressed in nina ricci by harris reed, an explicitly gender-fluid line. "At 18 I found myself living in london creating ruffle blouses, corsets, fabric flowers and flares from my kitchen floor (...). My creations at the time were met with nothing but criticism for being “too feminine” or “costume”, teachers said I should focus on “menswear” or “womenswear”. l remember it really wasn’t until I started dressing for myself and who I was that it all clicked. @harrystyles was my first ever client who embraced the fun, fluid and expressive clothing I was creating."

continuous bluegreening. to name a few: harry's werchter fit, all this time lights, satellite caps in two colors only, louis's smiley flickering bluegreen on tour in 2022, the james cordon shit, louis in uncasville. enjoy this post here

harry's snl shoot unseens: him as ariel

louis out in amsterdam at a gay bar

harry going to the women's only swimming pond (on a day it was open for men, but this is important to me okay)

harry's use of orchids in his visuals during 'she' during love on tour '23

the 'hairy mermaid' tour visuals

harry as a mermaid during the mfasr mv. as a supreme physical manifestation of harry as the mermaid he truly is inside. but in his true form he gets chopped up and consumed. literally

as it was mv and its parallels with the matrix, hints to harry as the woman with the red dress.

louis jumping up on barricade against the one spot where a pride flag was draped over it

oh yeah that exact same thing happened in 2022 too

harry forming a skirt with a pride flag in brasil after his pants ripped

that gay ass denim getup with the fur collar?? while wearing the fucking peace ring????

harry and phoebe breaking gender norms in the tpwk mv dance. no i'm not over it yet shut up

louis wearing a basquiat t-shirt, another famously queer artist joining the ranks

harry bought an actual genuine basquiat. flex

harry dressed in skirts for gucci

"happy pride! happy pride! 'tis the season! can you tell i'm relaxed?"

"isn't all of this sparkly bi music?"

satellite mv rainbow planet tshirt

louis's bigger than me promo where he's literally george michael like??? IM SORRY???????

harry kissing lewis capaldi at the brits

harry kissing nick kroll at the dwd premiere. lol

and... harry as friend of D O R O T H Y. sang over the rainbow. we all cried. especially me at this clip of harry glancing in relief at his band after over the rainbow.

#queer signalling #my posts #long post #anyways............. hmu if you have more bc i know there's more that i've forgotten but i didn't want to wait #but these were my personal highlights #this is for me more than anyone i know. i don't really know if anyone's really waiting on this #but i personally have been feeling like i gloss over a lot #and forget a lot #and minimise a lot for fear of making a big thing out of something small #but... then i make big things into something small. #which i hate #going through my archive just shows how fast an event passes by and i just stopped talking about it #ive complained about this many a time i know #anygays #for whoever wants to come scream with me <3 #also i have left out some events that were too easily deniable and i didn't want to clutter the post #since what's actual tangibly real and straight from them is so insane already #also that gif is how i feel rn. #how i often feel tbh #i want to be braver again

[theguardianace]

mafuyu and airi are trans because it perfectly parallels, encapsulates, and enhances the narrative themes of their current stories. rui is trans because his gender is full of shrimp colors. they are not the same.

#like. transmasc mafuyu as “i don't know who i am because what ive been told i am is not me” #maf's egg cracking along with his search for self. like that's good. #and airi as the trans feeling of “you called me too girly but then when i told you i am a girl now im not girl enough” #that feeling of no matter what you do you'll always be seen as the “other” #and yeah you could make rui's loneliness fit in with being trans but honestly he is just genderqueer in every flavor purely through vibes

[puhpandas]

I change how I feel about Gregory and Tony's relationship ten thousand times a day

#like i dont even think theyd get together if tony was how he was in ggy #gregory wouldnt work to fix him or something hed hate him for being mean to ellis #its why all my beckory stuff i always imagine is in a specific scenario both when theyve been through stuff #and also after like years have passed and theyre 14/15 #AND most importantly tony has had the chance to become a better person and make up with ellid #i think there cant be beckory without ellis #all the stuff ive made for them save for like rabbit burrow i feel doesnt match how i see them in my head #i don't even know how i feel about gregory in a romantic relationship still #idc about it when hes 12 and doesnt have 3 star fam yet but ive alqays seen it in a beckory dtance #as it being good that gregory can think about romance now because he got what he needed most already #but atill. #hes just such a family guy #but i really do like the beckory ship #its so interesting #idk ive changed my mind a lot and havent made enough stuff of them to keep up #with how i see them nowadays #i want to fix that #also i think i feel like the beckody stuff ive made feels shallow because #if its in a scenario where a lot of stuff has happened to get them to that point #and none of that stuff is shown and you dont see them chance #they just feel like randomly completely different people #idk im trying to muster up writing that multichapter ive been wanting to write #and sovereign is pretty much abandonded only because it wasnt working out at all #and ive truly taken everything good from that fic and added it to this new concpet #that made both seperate ideas better #so its a good thing #after the week im gonna try and recharge my writing battery #since the great ipad explosion of 2024 and scrambling to finish the week kinds fried my brain #i miss writing💔 #and also wanna explore this new fic concpet im absolutely in love with

[catkin-morgs-kookaburralover]

"i mess up things and then i don't have the energy to fix them up" yes brain true sentence but no brain the appropriate response is NOT "therefore i should kill myself (and here's how)"

#tw suicide #i wish i was joking #i am just so so tired of keeping myself alive! can't someone else do it for a change? or better yet kill me?? #said something to the emergency room psych #she queried it and i confirmed i had said precisely what i intended #she blinked and said 'i usually hear that from jaded forty year olds not twenty year olds' #i won't share what because it was a highly specific explanation of precisely how i might see myself suiciding or how/whether i thought i #could. she asked me and i answered. apparently she wasn't expecting that level of detail and confidence #is it funny to anyone else that i always struggle with confidence but i can confidently tell her specifics about suicide thoughts? #this is reminding me of the fifteen year old yesterday i was conversing with and he randomly started listing all the suicide methods he #could think of and i was internally like you missed a dozen i can think of. didn't say that obvs #i don't know i am. tired. of everything. and i had a long and good conversation with an older woman from church last night (mother of the #boy. i have confided in her before she's great) #she's hte only person irl who now knows about the second suicide attempt (tho she doesn't know it was the second) and she was encouraging m #to see the psych and escalate care #but all day ive been regretting telling the psych or bro or anyone honestly #it would be so much EASIER to have said nothing and gone through with my plan #i wouldn't trust myself not to rn if i had access #i mean. i know multiple ways in this room i could kill myself. but i won't #there's a couple of specific methods that are most of the thoughts usually so they're the specific ones i gotta watch out for more if that #makes sense #ooh gosh im rambling i should shut up xD #personal #puddleglum hours

[mid-nightowl]

…can i ask you to share more of your thoughts on fem!jaytim vibes

hi cory!!!! yes, yes i can :) <3

most of my thoughts come from this lil snippet and my tags.

my thoughts on fem!jaytim can be boiled down to this line: “Her successor fascinates her. She kind of wants to let him dissect her, little freak that he is.” 

like tim is a freak who would absolutely want to dissect and take jaye apart piece by piece just to get to the bottom of whatever the hell is wrong with her (obsessive) and jaye would let him bc she wants to know what the hell is wrong with him (affectionate). 

It’s almost a scientist and their never-ending experiment, but not quite?

like the dissection, its the act, the intimacy, the trust in being vulnerable and completely open on the table for them to see, a show and a sight but not a performance, it's the ‘i’m going to take you apart piece by piece, not to fix you or change you, but just to understand you’, and 'i’m going to get my hands dirty and dig into you, and it can be voluntarily or not, it can be with anesthesia or nothing but im going to know you whether you like it or not,' paired with 'you are going to have to cut me open to get to know me, it has to be cold and violent, it has to be artful and methodological.'

but jaye started off with ‘i want to destroy you, take you to the brink, the edge of despair and fury and hatred and let you go without any catharsis,’ kind of like capturing a wild animal, testing on it, and then releasing it back into the wild with a tag to see what it will do after being changed (will it return back to it’s normal routine or will it come back for more?)

and then tim kept coming back. and that's when jaye is like alright yeah, i'll let you rip me open and give me a name (or maybe give me back my name?) and tim does, and he does it carefully, adoringly, obsessively.

and i think tim’s obsessive focus, paired with the idea of the knife/scalpel = love, is what jaye would respond to best. she was raised in violence, and probably thinks that fighting and pain is caring and love, AND she’s never been a priority in anyone’s life. so for tim to obsess and know her in ways that no one else has before (or have even bothered) is captivating, exciting, and absolutely mind-boggling, and i think jaye would get possessive, like ‘this robin, this little freak is mine.'

i, hmmm. running out of coherent thoughts after this, so um i guess enjoy? <3

#asks #felinemotif #i don't write/talk about jaytim very much; ive always been a jaydick girlie #but this was a lot of fun to think about and like actually get down my thoughts in a somewhat coherent manner #i think there's another piece here about the dissection as an intimacy that only requires the subject and the surgeon/scientist #and the idea of labelling and taking photos of the parts something about learning and teaching but also remembering #another part: once the dissection is done once tim knows all of jaye does he stay? #which i think devolves into jaye going out of her way to prolong the dissection bc she thinks it may be temporary between her & tim #whereas tim is thinking okay i know all the pieces and parts which means im the perfect partner for jaye #no one knows her better than me AND no one will get to know her like i do #(the whole dissection thing too like tim is not afraid about hurting jaye whereas bruce is bc he knew her before) #(bruce thinks “dissection” would = change bad or good while tim knows it just means learning and knowing) #like it's going to be painful before it gets better and bruce doesn't want to go through the pain of knowing this version of jaye #bc it means acknowledging what he's done or not done #and tim's a fixer at heart but to fix things you gotta know what you're dealing with #problem is tim fell in love and realized fixing things would just make it worst so #he is very content with his tall gf that could kill him with her thighs and lets him do his freaky experiments<3 #okay wow i was not done with the thoughts ajfkagjbsg imma stop now #jaytim #fem!jaytim

[klinejack]

IM FUCKING BACK BABY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

ONLY LOST 300 FOLLOWERS BUT HEY!!!! HERE I AM!!!!!!!!!!!! 

#THANK YOU TO ANYONE THAT STAYED THROUGH THIS SEMI-ANNUAL TURMOIL #IVE BEEN SO FRUSTRATED ALL DAY BUT FINALLY SOMETHING WENT RIGHT!!!!!!! #I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU ALLLLLLLLLLLLL #ps to anyone who helped me specially with this ridiculous event pls know i owe you my life <333333 #personal #tumblr nonsense #(no fucking tags but hey what else is new HOW CAN I COMPLAIN NOW RIGHT?!?!) #oh pls signal boost if you don't mind! #signal boost #;dkfhgsdjkfghsfdg

[symbioticsimplicity]

Yo...could I get some comfort up in this Tumblr? The thing I was telling myself not to die before seeing out didn't pan out and I am....sad to say the least.

#personal #when you're living to see your dreams fulfilled and you cant make any progress anywhere #no matter how hard you push or what you try #I'm all out of optimism and I've been running on empty for everything else too #its been an incredibly rough year and i just wanted one really good thing out of it #and at this point i really don't know what the use in not giving up even is #i dont value life intrinsically #i dont want to continue existing if its just to suffer in new and more intense ways #some people just get to be miserable their whole lives through #ive seen it plenty enough to know #if i cant at least make headway on the only thing i exist to do #the fuck is the point.... #sorry I'm not dealing well

[caffeinatedopossum]

People be like "merry Christmas" meanwhile I'm over here uncovering new depths of my trauma

#yeah so apparently I experienced csa and I'm honestly not processing that super well #i started just telling people about stuff that happened that i never want to talk about #and they were like 'uh yeah thats csa im sorry you went through that' 💀 #like wdym that was csa?? ahhhdjdj ah djdhdgd #in all seriousness though I've gad a lot of very painful realizations about this lately #like the fact that people knew and not only let it happen but actively tried to allow it to continue #and prevent people who actually try to do anything about it from finding out. including me! i was told it was all normal #like 'oh yes this is all normal. but also dont tell anyone this.' #'not because its wrong but because theyll get the wrong idea' #god. i can't comprehend it #i never thought it was sa because ive always been asexual. i couldnt think of any motive so i just didnt know #i didn't have any grasp of what sexuality was in general. i thought it was like a social construct or a game i was sometimes bad at #i still don't understand. i hate how when i think about it all i feel like a little kid again

[savage-rhi]

🫂😪

#hey I've been on a bit of a hiatus with writing and other projects #answering this cause ive had some anons asking for updates on drabble requests #leaving a toxic job that I endured for a year #getting a new job and new enviornment #finding out I had a whole ass other family I didn't know existed #and trying to keep up with the cost of living has taken a huge toll #on my mental health and wellbeing #to the point where I had to take time off my new job and go on a peer respite #i got back the other day and I'm doing better #but my mental health isn't 100% #and my chronic pain has been fluctuating a lot cause of stress #i know i don't owe anyone details about what i go through #but i like being transparent #and this makes it easier than answering 6-10 anons asking me for an update #i am not sure when im gonna fulfill drabble requests but they'll come when they come #and you can keep sending in stuff i dont mind it at all #just know i gotta take care of me right now #and I'll be slower answering stuff #take care of your mental health and bodies the best you can #im always rooting for ya #and to end on a good note #i got accepted into a masters program for clinical counseling and therapy #only 25 people could get in and somehow i got it #idk how im gonna get financial aid for it but im gonna try #im excited and nervous #i might have more vo stuff coming too idk yet but im trying not to do too much at once #if yall could do me a solid and drop something cool in the comments and let me know how your life is going id love that #especially if you got good news to share #i could use more of that right now #love you guys and here's a hug and a biscuit from me

[perilegs]

not an astarion defender in the traditional sense, but in the sense that the whims he gets approval from are funny. i would also approve of someone throwing shit at people who asked them to smear their face with said shit

#it's funny to be a menace in a video game and im not going to pretend its not #killing a clown IS funny #his 'whim approvals' are so funny #leevi liveblogs #on another note ive seen people be like ''astarions traumatized so he acts like that :(' or 'despite all that he could still be an asshole #both true but i feel like both are reductive #when it comes to his more cruel approval it's clear he acts the way he does due to his past. (i know thats like a duh no shit we all do tha #) but i mean like. if you look at all the trauma he's gone through and think about how it has affected him as a person #it makes sense for him to be selfish and maybe even cruel #and there are reasons he acts the way he does. but it doesn't mean he's done nothing wrong ever. it means he's an asshole who has reasons #to act like an asshole. #no ones past is an excuse for the way they're acting. yes it's a reason. but just because you went through unimaginable horrors doesnt mean #that everyone should ignore how you act toward others. he can still be held accountable while understanding where he's coming from #but i also don't like people ignoring his past experiences and seeing him as just a selfish asshole who is and has always been #and will always be an asshole just for funsies #does that make sense #also sometimes people read too much into what was meant as a funny little option #like. you know how some games have a serious main story and the most batshit silly side quests and no ones holding the side quests as the #absolute truth of it all #does anyone know what im talking about #idk talking in the tags with the character limit is a pain in the ass i have a lot more to say

[dont-read-this-im-dead]

My therapist was sick today, so therapy was cancelled, and I was like, "now I wanna eat my feelings," but I thought he'd be upset if I took a step backwards, so I looked for a healthy outlet for my feelings, and I decided to make homemade hamburgers and THEN eat my feelings.

...am I doing it wrong?

#basically i need a therapist #therapy #there's something wrong with me #thoughts #eating my feelings #hambuger #food #you don't know me #you don't know what ive been through #dont judge

[britneyshakespeare]

He won't leave my fucking friends alone.

#tales from diana #sorry this is about that bad friend i have to break up w that ive posted abt on and off the past couple weeks/months maybe #i still have to send him that final 'i dont wanna speak to you ever again' #ive been fucking busy ok. my summer has been full of family events and obligations #i have one brother getting married and the other having a baby!!! i have a LIFE and SHIT TO DO and PPL TO BE THERE FOR other than YOU!!! #i havent spoken to him in over 2 months too and he knows it's bc i don't want to #he's so difficult bc you can't fucking tell him the truth. you can't!!! he can't handle it!!! do you know how hard it is to handle??? #the things i have to do to cut him off. because he doesn't respect normal fucking boundaries. make ME feel like im in the wrong #like im the shady person and the liar. #i can't drift from him bc hell pull me back #i can't communicate w him bc he won't hear anything i have to say he'll just turn it around & make it abt himself. #he literally does not understand ppl having motivations to do things that don't relate to him #and he has no sympathy for what he does to other ppl. nothing but self-pity for how they don't like him anymore. #if he dealt w someone who put him through half of what he put ME through. no he couldn't actually. #i only allowed him to manipulate me for so long because i cared abt him. who i thought he was. #and he just point blank period doesn't care about other ppl. so he could never go through what ive gone through w him. #i feel like all this friend breakup has proven to me is that im actually a good person and it can be used against me by ppl who arent #some fucking lesson i needed to learn huh? #i hate feeling as negatively towards anyone as i do towards him. it's so hard for me not to have at least #a little spark of hope deep down for everyone. even ppl ive removed from my life before. i dont HATE them #theyve disappointed me or insulted me or mistreated me but at least their motivations seemed simple and clear #and MOST of them seemed to understand SOMEWHAT that they were in the wrong #even if they don't admit it to me or still find an excuse to hate me. whatever #i can see them as ppl who might feel remorse someday and grow from it #i do not see it in this guy. bc if you have a problem w him he'll only make it 20 times worse. #he's so selfish it genuinely baffles me to think about it. and he's one of the least honest ppl ive ever known. #he'll never see the error of his ways. i do not believe he has that capacity. #and will i say none of this to him? no #im just going to say thanks for leaving me alone these past couple months. it's been good for me. #i don't think i can continue our friendship anymore for my own sake.

[whatudottu]

Absolute theory/headcanon/analysis/general idea legend whatudottu character arc of slowly becoming one of the four (4) Cerebrocrustacean fans in the entire fandom (even if Petrosapiens will always be #1 in its heart, which, you know, completely understandable NGL) let’s gooooo!

Also I can’t believe I haven’t made this connection until now but:

Cerebrocrustacean: “My people have a rich and complex history and culture, but most of the galactic audience boils us down to being nothing but ‘the violently bigoted xenophobes who keep destroying their own planet’ and it frustrates me to no end.”

Gourmand who’s been forced to hear the same “I can excuse cannibalism but I draw the line at marrying outside of your own race” joke over and over again: “Yeah, welcome to the club, pal.”

Me and my homies (4) being cerebrocrustacean fans: If cerebrocrustaceans have 0 fans we are dead, haha- Would buy merchandise to convince CN that Brainstorm is a cool transformation *looks over my shoulder to see the playdough brainstorm with removable brain toy that either I or my sibling got millions of years ago*

ANYWAY!

It's very evident when I don't think about a particular species when I have to look something up like the gourmand cannibalism, but seeing as though they have a collective pocket dimension where their stomach goes (at least that's where the logic got them in the show instead of being consumed food expelled in energy reflux), if cannibalism didn't implode the two gourmands like how bag of holding inception works then I suppose it's far better than *shudders* perk murk relationships. Got a whole 'house divided' 'alike in dignity' situation over here, Perkulet and Murktague having asses-

...You know what if I get a chance to think about gourmands in more detail I might turn that pocket dimension into a magic thing instead of a xenobiology thing that's just overall bullshit- comes free with potentially real cannibalism but like they've eaten 11 planets I think cannibalism just in general pales in comparison to what they could do-

Well, whatever cannibalism gourmands excuse and all the jokes they have to deal with about perk murk relationships being somehow much much worse, at least they don't get shoveled with 'violent bigots' that 'aren't smart enough to support their lifestyle without destroying their own planet' which well- I don't have any present headcanons as to why Encephalonus is on it's 4th edition yet but let me tell you, when cerebrocrutaceans found out the galvans lost their planet (admittedly to the Highbreed Invasion) and then galvans WEREN'T immediately assumed to have fucked up somewhere, you can bet that Dr Psychobos was one in the crowd that went absolutely livid.

#ask #anonymous #cerebrocrustacean #gourmand #ben 10 #also i wasn't kidding when i said i had that toy he's kinda sitting on a bench that admittedly has a lot of other ben 10 toys #childhood stuff mostly but hey just means i've been into ben 10 for a while... but there's no diamondhead to speak of #<- joined ben 10 on complete dvd set of os + started af with a disc from a kids magazine with a season 1 sneak peak #anyway today i learnt that gourmand physiology has some bullshit in it so now that's potentially on my mutants and magic list to change #potentially since the revelation was a shotgun blast to the face of 'oh right yeah THAT' #maybe gourmands can be a little bit termite in addition to being amoeba and frogs- the queen being bigger than them would make sense #and then because peptos has been eaten like 11 times now we know what constantly keeps happening to gourmand's planet #not to be a killjoy nerd here but a quick solution to encephalonus iv's name is to be the 4th planet to the star encephalonus which- #would be how cerebrocrustaceans may consider naming the planets in their solar system #as opposed to coming up with more creative names like greek gods- anatomy- and dirt #and like it would make the stereotype just absolutely worse because cerebrocrustaceans don't even have a dead planet let alone 3 #'why do you assume we destroyed our planet we're just the 4th planet in the solar system' they shout #but really i'm just positing that as my way of saying 'i haven't thought it through yet' #maybe they've been experimenting with artificial planets- the mega-ist of megastructures #it's just that the 4th one is the most recent and hopeful not inefficient model #maybe they have farmed up all the resources of their several planets- draining them dry like how billionares on earth want to #idk maybe it's both- they went too far with the first- tried to delay the second- decided to make a third but it broke- 4th time's the char #so far- at least #you know what i think i just answered my own question yeah i'll do that one #shortterm thinking got the first planet destroyed- forgot longterm thinking for second- made a shortterm solution the third- #and now the fourth time they're really hoping that history and longterm planning helps them this time around

[erikisser]

ok whatever . maybe look at 20230302 sunwoo and then you'll know why i am the way that i am

#how could anyone be mean to me if i had to live through this day #DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT IVE BEEN THROUGH !!!!!!!!!!!! #i'm traumatized #000

[ghostcrows]

When I start actually taking care of myself....

#i need a good post-T pic lol im not saying i look worse cause i feel like way better #but i feel like this puberty 2 shit taking its time #but also i have a plausible jawline now that was non-existent before #thats called Blessings and you have to count them #ive been looking through old pics as you do #i need more pictures taken with genuine smiles. it makes me sad to know how sad i was in so many of these #i keep debating if i ever want to have a public presense again in the sense of old classmates and relatives and such #i don't know....whats the point yk #but it sucks i ever felt like the better option was to just vanish from their lives