#‘Oh I’ll just watch something from at childhood at like 5 pm— it’ll be fine!’

[angst-is-love-angst-is-life]

Dude. Why is that scene in Sleeping Beauty so fucking CREEPY

#‘Oh I’ll just watch something from at childhood at like 5 pm— it’ll be fine!’ #cut to now and that creepy ass music is playing in my head #sleeping beauty #btw the scene in question is when Maleficent lures Auroa to the spinning wheel #specifically when the fire goes out and she appears #fucking hell #used to keep me up at night as a kid #(still might we’ll see) #my posts #update: all lights are on; fan is going; TV is on. If the power goes out again I will have a heart attack

[study-coffee-chicago]

Seasons of Med: Season 2 and Seasons of PD: Season 4: Necessities, Love, & Care (A Halstead Brothers + Halstead Sister! Imagine)

Your age: 15

Jay's age: 29

Will's age: 31

You were currently sitting at the library, trying to figure out how you'd get food for dinner. It was January and you had run out of your Christmas money two weeks ago and you had burned through your money from helping with kettle corn at the beginning of December. Right now you were SOL: Shit outta luck.

Your mind wandered back to the last day you had helped working the kettle corn stand when it was a dreary late October day.

"We have kettle corn, caramel corn, cheddar, Chicago style, and a few other flavors," you explained to a customer. She picked up a medium bag of caramel corn. "That one?"

"Yes, dear. Me and my husband love this stuff," the old lady said.

"I'm sure. It's really good! It'll be six dollars." She pulled out a five and two ones. "I'll be right back with your change."

"Oh, no, keep the change, dear. Thank you for the popcorn."

"You're welcome. Have a nice day."

"Y/N," Emma said to you. "Can you grab me a lemonade from the cooler?"

"Just one?"

"Yup, just one."

You grabbed it from the cooler and were about to pass it to her when you saw who her customers were: Jay and Erin.

"Y/N?" Jay asked. "What are you doing here?"

"Working," you answered quickly. "Little bit of extra money never hurt anybody. The real question is, what are you doing here? I know Erin hates being outside when the weather is crappy."

"It's because he's annoying when he whines and begs to do something, so I figured it was just best to give in," Erin answered.

Jay rolled his eyes. "God, I can't win with either of you. Why do you always gang up on me?"

"Because, Halstead, us girls gotta stick together," Erin laughed.

"Okay, okay, fine. Y/N, what popcorn should I get?"

"First of all, it's kettle corn," you corrected. "And, I suggest the cheddar. Or, if you want a combination of both salty and sweet, then get the Chicago style. It's cheddar and caramel."

"Me and Erin like sweet, but I know you. You like cheddar. And you'll pick out the cheddar pieces when you're at my apartment, so I'll get the Chicago style."

"Or," Erin started as she picked up a large bag of caramel and a large bag of cheddar, "We could get this big bag of caramel, and then you could have this bag at your apartment for Y/N. That way the flavors aren't touching."

"Erin Lindsay and not liking her food touching. Fine, we'll take what Erin suggested and one lemonade."

"One or two straw holes?" Emma asked, picking up the lid-punching tool.

"One's fine," Jay answered.

"They swap enough spit as it is," you whispered to Emma, causing her to laugh.

"What'd she say?" Jay asked.

"I can't tell you. It's a secret."

He huffed. "Fine. Keeping secrets from your big brother? That's cold Y/N, that's cold."

"So you're saying you never kept secrets from Will?" Erin asked.

"I have the right to remain silent."

"Exactly," Erin said. "How much does he owe you?"

"Excuse me? I didn't know I'd be the one paying for all of this."

"You were the one who dragged me outside, so yes, you are paying, Halstead. Now, get your card ready."

Jay rolled his eyes and pulled out his wallet. "How much?"

You did the math in your head. "$23."

"Emma, can you check her math?" Jay asked and you rolled your eyes in his lack of faith in you.

"$10 for the cheddar and $8 for the caramel makes $18...plus $5 for the lemonade...yup $23."

You handed him the card reader. "And now it's just going to ask you a few questions," you told him after his card went through.

Without allowing him to read it all the way through, Erin hit the tip and no receipt buttons. "Hey!" Jay exclaimed.

"Don't blame me! You were the one who wanted me to come out here!" She turned to you and took the bag of kettle corn as Jay picked up the 32 oz lemonade. "Thanks, Y/N!"

"No problem! Just make sure he doesn't buy any more paintings of motorcycles!"

Man, how you wished you could work that job right now because it was only for a few hours on the weekends. But, it was winter now, so there were no street fairs, farmers markets, or festivals going on. Because of this, your money had run out. You'd have to do what you'd have to get yourself some food, even if it would leave you with a guilty conscience.

With that in mind, you got up and left the library.

***

"Pop's been complaining of chest pain and refuses to go to the hospital," Jay told his older brother as he walked through the front door and into the living room.

"Of course he did," Will grumbled. Then, he turned to his father. "This won't take long. Unless it's bad. Then you'll have to come with me and actually go to the hospital this time."

"You can't force me to do anything," he argued as he watched his oldest son open up his medical bag.

"Just let him do his job. He knows what he's doing," Jay agreed with Will. Then, he remembered something. "Where's Y/N?"

"At school."

"At school? At 5 pm?" Jay asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Sometimes she stays after school and does homework. She's always home before it gets too late so I don't ask."

It's not like Jay and Will could have known this, though. Yes, you would talk and they're obviously there for you because they're your brothers, but your dad's parenting skills--or lack thereof--hadn't ever come up. You'd get together with your brothers once a week, but it was usually at one of your brothers' places. They rarely came inside your and your dad's place.

"All units, we have reports of a robbery at 3020 East Main Street. Assistance requested," Jay's radio stated.

Jay looked to Will, silently asking if it was okay for him to take it. "I've got it from here."

"Thanks, man," Jay said, clapping Will on the back and leaving the house.

He drove to the small corner market that had made the call. It was only a block away from where you and your dad lived, but despite it usually being somewhat slow, today it was even slower. There was only one car parked in the lot, so Jay was confused as to who would even rob this place.

He put on his vest and walked into the store. "Got a call about a robbery," he said to the store manager as he entered.

"Yes, right over here."

He led Jay over to where a girl was sitting on a stool, tears rolling down her face. She held a box of pasta, a loaf of bread, and a small jar of peanut butter. Her coat was unzipped, revealing the tampons and pads she had stuffed inside her coat after she had ripped open the box.

"Y/N?" Jay asked in disbelief. "What are you doing? What were you even thinking?"

"I- I'm sorry," you sniffled.

Then he turned to the store manager. "You called the cops on a fifteen-year-old girl for grabbing what looks to me like necessities?"

"I've let her go the past two times when she needed things, but today she didn't have the money, so I couldn't let it slide."

Jay threw $30 in the man's hand. "There. Now it's all paid for." He turned to you and took the loaf of bread. "C'mon."

You followed him out of the store, waiting to be yelled at as you entered his truck, but it didn't come. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he handed you the bread. "Why? Why did you do this?"

"There- There's barely any food in the house. I was just hungry."

Jay looked you up and down. He hadn't been really looking for changes in weight like he told Natalie he would do six months ago. He kept it up for a few months and then winter came around and it was hard to tell because of bulky jackets and sweaters. But, now that he actually looked at your face and hands in an investigative manner, it was clear as day: You had lost even more weight.

"And the other stuff?" he asked.

"Dad won't buy them for me. Says that they're too expensive and to just use something else. He said that if he had had a son he wouldn't have to worry about it, like it's my fault. Usually, I take some from school, but I ran out and I needed them."

"And the food?" Jay asked as he started driving back to his childhood home.

"I get breakfast and lunch at school, but I have to eat dinner at home. And on weekends I just skip meals and eat breakfast and dinner."

"What? What about Dad?"

"He gets takeout or he goes to the bar and isn't home until late."

Jay sighed as he pulled into the driveway. "Go pack a bag, kid. You're staying at my place until further notice."

"Really? I thought you guys forgot about me?"

"We could never forget about you. It's just, work has been busy for both of us. So, sorry if these last few times we've all been together for dinner have seemed a little rushed. Now, go inside and grab your stuff while I have a chat with Will and Dad."

"Dad, Will," Jay said after you had run upstairs and they were sitting on the couch. "I need to talk to you. In the kitchen."

"Really, Jay. Why can't it be here?" your dad grumbled. "First he--" He pointed to Will. "Wants to take me to the hospital because he said I have a valve issue and now I can't even have a conversation with my sons while sitting down?"

"Just get up, dammit!"

The three entered the kitchen and sat down, but Jay stayed standing. "Jay, what's going on?" Will asked.

Instead of answering his older brother, Jay just opened the fridge. There was a half drank gallon of milk, a jar of grape jelly, and a can of pasta sauce, along with other condiments, and a lone egg sat on a shelf. "This? This is what you expect your daughter to eat? I caught her stealing from a store just so she could get food and tampons!"

"Well, I'm not gonna pay for it."

"Excuse you?" Will exclaimed, eyebrows raised in surprise. "What do you mean you're not paying for it? She's your daughter, isn't she? Then you have a legal responsibility to feed her, make sure she has shelter, clothes, and goes to school!"

"She can go get a job."

"She is fucking fifteen!" Jay yelled. "She doesn't need to be worrying about where her next meal is coming from! She's supposed to be worrying about getting a good grade on a math test or if that boy likes her or not, but not that!"

"She needs to learn to grow up someday. And she won't if you boys baby her like you always do whenever you see her."

"Baby her?" Will yelled, disgusted. "She's a kid. She needs to be babied sometimes. She needs fucking food and a nice home to come home to, not whatever the hell you think this is."

"It hasn't been a home since your mother died."

"Yeah, we gathered that," Jay scoffed. "But you don't have to take it out on her."

"Jay," your small voice said from the doorway into the kitchen. All three men looked over to you, your backpack on your back, a duffle bag slung over your shoulder, and your favorite blanket wadded up in your hands so that you could carry it without it dragging on the ground.

"Ready to go?" Jay asked, his voice immediately softening.

"Uh, yeah," you answered, unsure of how your dad would react.

"What do you mean ready to go?" Pat Halstead asked, standing up from where he had been previously sitting at the table. "She's not going anywhere!"

Will rushed over to you, placing a hand on your shoulder while Jay stalked over to be face to face with your dad. "She is coming with me until further notice. You're lucky I don't arrest your ass for child neglect!"

"You wouldn't do that to your own father!"

Jay pulled the cuffs out of his back pocket. "Oh yeah? Try me."

He sat back down and Jay turned to you. "Here, let me take that." You handed him your duffle bag and followed him and Will outside.

"Jay, I gotta go. I gotta get Dad to Med to get the valve fixed. And, I said one hour out of the hospital tops and it's been two."

Jay closed the truck door once you were safely inside with all your stuff. "Good luck trying to get Dad to go the hospital," he scoffed. "Get going. Don't give Goodwin another reason to fire your stupid ass."

"I'll call an ambulance if I have to." Then, Will smacked Jay upside the head.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You know what it was for. And, I'm your older brother, it's my job."

"I'm your older brother, it's my job," Jay mocked. "But, in all seriousness, do me a favor and make sure Y/N's all caught up on her immune- immune--"

"Immunizations?" Will laughed.

"Yeah, those."

"I'll do that. And if she's not, I'll give them to her tonight when I come over to your place after my shift is done...which will be in like two hours...depending on how much of a pain in the ass he is to get in the hospital."

Jay nodded, and then got in the truck, both of you making your way to his place.

"I'm gonna go take a shower," Jay said after you had put your stuff down by the couch. "You have homework?"

"Yeah," you looked down, not wanting to even try and struggle through your homework...or have Jay sign the slip that said that you failed your last test.

Jay smiled. "I'll help you with it when I'm out of the shower, okay, kid?"

"How'd you know--"

"That is the universal facial expression of I need help, but I don't know how to ask for it. I'll be ten minutes tops."

And so, you tried to struggle through your homework for ten minutes. But, you ended up working and reworking the stupid algebra problem. Why did math need letters anyway?

"Okay, I'm back," Jay said as he pulled a chair out to sit next to you. "What are you workin' on?"

"Can you sign this first?" you asked, sliding the yellow paper over to him along with the pen. You hoped he'd just sign it blind, but as you saw his eyes skimming the page, you knew that wouldn't happen.

"Did you try your best?" he asked as he slid the piece of paper back to you after signing it.

"What? Yeah, of course, I did."

"Okay, then we'll figure something out. Now, how about we eat some dinner? I've got pizza in the freezer. That okay?"

"That's great," you answered.

Jay got the pizza in the oven while you went and changed into your pajamas. You decided it was in your best interest to have Will help you with your math homework.

***

"Ah! The man of the hour!" Jay exclaimed as he pulled out the pizza and Will entered the house.

You immediately noticed the red bag he was carrying over his shoulder and the two king-sized Twix bars.

"Why do you have your medical bag?" you asked.

"How did you know this was my medical bag?"

"I'm not stupid, Will."

"Okay, so you're all caught up on your shots, but I need to do a blood draw because I need to see if you're deficient in any vitamins and minerals. Have you been eating enough fruits and veggies?" he asked.

"Probably not as much as I should," you admitted. "They're too expensive unless I get the canned kind and I don't like those unless it's canned peaches. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Short Stack. None of this is your fault. You hear me? None of it. I just need to take the blood and then get it sent to the lab to see if you need to get any specific pills to get your vitamin and mineral levels up."

"Okay. Does it hurt?" you asked. You knew what a shot felt like, but you'd never had your blood drawn before, so you didn't know what it felt like to have a needle in your arm for a long time, taking blood. You knew what it felt like to have an IV in from when you passed out at the movie theater, but you didn't know if this needle would be the same size or bigger.

"You just feel a slight pinch at the beginning."

"Like getting a shot?"

"Like getting a shot," he confirmed.

"Hey, I was thinking," Jay started as he reappeared from the kitchen area, "what if we have celery and carrots with ranch for dinner, too? You know, like when we eat chicken wings at restaurants and they bring you some veggies, except we'll have ours with pizza."

"Okay," you agreed. "I like ranch."

"So does everyone in the midwest," Will joked.

"What's the medical bag for?" Jay asked. "She needs shots? And, what's with the Twix bars?"

"No, I'm drawing her blood to see if she's deficient in anything. And, there's one Twix bar for her and one for you because we all know how you feel about needles, Jay."

Jay rolled his eyes. "We doing this before we eat?"

"Yes. And, I need you to answer some questions for me, Y/N. These are strictly doctor protocol questions, okay? You don't need to be embarrassed about any of the answers."

You nodded.

"Okay," Will started, "When did you last eat? Just need to write it down for fasting glucose levels."

"Um, lunch at school, so around noon."

"So, six-hour fast," Will scribbled down on a piece of paper. "Next one, are you sexually active?"

"Will!"

"It's just standard protocol, just in case I need to test for STDs."

"No, I am not. Next question."

"Okay, last one: When was your last period?"

"You've got to be kidding me. I'm not pregnant, I haven't had sex!"

Will chuckled. "It's not for that. Sometimes when people are deficient in vitamins and minerals, they can lose their period for months at a time, signaling that their body isn't healthy. The medical term is amenorrhea." But, what he wanted to say was that when girls are underweight, this can also happen. And, from seeing how baggy your sweatshirt and jeans were on you, he assumed that you'd lost ten pounds since last going to the doctor when you passed out in the movie theater parking lot, making your weight loss a grand total of 25 pounds, which would qualify you as being underweight.

"Oh. I started today."

"Okay, good to know. Any changes in length or heaviness of menstruation?"

"I swear, I'd rather have Natalie or April be asking me these questions," you grumbled. "But, yes, it's a lot lighter and it went from me having my periods for five days to two days. Can we please stop talking about this now?"

"Yeah, we're all done. Sorry about that, but it's protocol."

"Says the guy who's drawing my blood at Jay's apartment instead of in a hospital, where it should be done."

"Hey, I've worked in much worse conditions than this in Sudan. How much water did you drink today?"

"A lot."

"Okay, good." Will started to unzip his medical bag. He passed a Twix bar to Jay. "Here, eat this and focus on it so you don't focus on the needles and then freak out."

Jay rolled his eyes, but took the candy bar and unwrapped it.

"Do I get one?" you asked.

"Once I draw your blood, yes, the other one is for you. Now, right or left arm?"

You held out your left arm and Will moved to the other side of you so he had a better angle. He sanitized his hands and then snapped on a pair of gloves.

"So, what do you do?" you asked. "I've never had my blood drawn before."

"I just tie off your arm so that I can get the veins to show a bit better, wipe down the spot with an antiseptic wipe, stick the needle in, and then wait for the vial to fill up."

"That's it?"

"That's it. Can you make a fist with your left hand for me?"

You did as Will told you and then he tied a band around your bicep and started touching the inside of your elbow, trying to get some veins to show. He furrowed his eyebrows and moved down your arm, rubbing your forearm and then going back up to the crook of your elbow and gently pressing there.

"What's wrong?" you asked.

"You just have really small veins is all. I could take the blood from the big vein in your forearm, but I don't really want to do that one since it's so big. Can you squeeze your fist tighter for me?" You did as he said while he kept pressing on the crook of your elbow. "There we go. Got one. Now, turn and look at Jay while I get the needle ready."

You looked at Jay and tried not to laugh. "You okay?"

"Me? I should be asking you that," he replied. "You're the one who's about to get stabbed with a needle."

"It's just that you got some sweat on your forehead. You look nervous."

"They're needles. They're tiny little sharp metal objects and if one breaks off--"

"Jay, respectfully," Will started, cutting off his brother, "shut the hell up, so you don't scare my patient. You might just want to look away instead of watching me. Then you might feel fine." Then, he turned back to you. "Okay, Y/N, keep looking at Jay. Close your eyes if you want to. You're going to feel a small pinch."

You closed your eyes and took a deep breath. Then, you squeezed your eyes shut tightly and grit your teeth, trying not to yell out as the needle pierced your skin.

"Hard part's done," Will said. You nodded, still keeping your eyes closed.

"That was not a small pinch," you retorted about a minute later.

"Sorry."

You opened your eyes and watched as the blood flowed from your vein into the small tube that was hooked up to the needle.

"I thought you hated blood," Jay pointed out. "And here you are, watching the entire process."

"I'm fine when it's my blood if it's not a huge, deep cut," you explained. "It's other people's blood I don't like."

"Well, that takes any job in the medical field off your career choices," Will said.

You sat there for a few more minutes, waiting for the vial to fill up. Will pressed on your arm, close to the needle, to see if more would come out. "This vein is really small," he said.

You watched as the blood coming into the tube started becoming slower and slower, in what looked to be bubbles.

"Just a little more," Will muttered.

You started taking deeper breaths as you felt sweat start to bead on your forehead.

"Okay, let's see how much this gave me." He pressed his thumb above where the needle was and you turned back to Jay as he removed the needle.

Then, he got the blood into the vial. "Bad news," he started, "I might need to take more. Let's see how much extra there is." He put the extra into another, smaller vial. "Yeah, this one clotted too, so bad news, we need more."

You nodded and closed your eyes, feeling your face get hot and starting to feel lightheaded. You pinched the bridge of your nose, willing this uncomfortable feeling to go away.

"You doing okay?" Will asked.

"Yeah," you answered.

"Okay, I'm gonna do your right arm this time." You held your right arm out to him. "Make a fist for me." You did as he told you and he tied the blue band around your bicep.

But, you were getting even dizzier. "Actually, can I get some water? I feel dizzy."

"Course," Will said. "Jay, can you get her some water and juice if you have any?"

"Apple juice good?"

"That's fine," you answered.

Will untied the band from your bicep. "We're just going to wait a few minutes until you feel less dizzy before I take more blood, okay?"

You nodded and took the water from Jay when he came back.

"Let's have the juice after I finish," Will suggested after a few minutes had passed and you finished the water. "Feeling better, Short Stack?"

"Yeah, let's get this over with." Your forehead was still a bit sweaty, but you were a lot less dizzy.

Will repeated the same process as the last arm and it went a lot faster. Turns out he picked a bit bigger vein in the crook of your elbow of this arm than he did the other one.

"And, we're done," Will said as he capped the vial.

He handed you the juice. "Thanks," you said. "That was not fun."

"I bet. At least you didn't pass out. I've had a few patients do that when I went through my clinicals. That's why normally when someone gets their blood drawn, they sit in this chair where something is flipped down in front of them so they don't fall out of the chair just in case they pass out."

"Jay, do you pass out?" you asked.

He scoffed. "No. I don't even get dizzy. My body doesn't react like that."

"He just breaks out into a sweat whenever he sees needles," Will whispered, loud enough for Jay to hear.

"Hey! I heard that! Take one more jab at me and you won't be getting any pizza, Will. I mean it!"

Will held his hands up in a mock surrender while you finished up your juice. Then, Will started to pack up his medical stuff and Jay brought the pizza and veggies and ranch out, along with plates of course.

You ate your pizza while Will helped you with your math homework. Once you finished two slices of pizza and some celery and ranch, you said that you were done.

"You sure?" Jay asked. "You can have as much as you want."

"I'm good. Gotta save some for tomorrow." Your eyes widened as you realized what you had just said. "I'm gonna go take a shower. It's been a long day."

"Okay, clean towels are in the cabinet in the bathroom where they always are," Jay said, trying not to react to what you had just said even though he knew exactly what you were doing.

You were rationing food.

"Fuck," Jay said as he put his head in his hands when he knew you were in the bathroom and out of earshot.

"What? What did she mean by gotta save some for tomorrow?" Will asked.

"She's rationing it. I used to do it in Afghanistan. Save some of my MRE and put it in my pack to eat the next day if I was on a long trek and we knew we wouldn't get back to base. It would be cold and usually disgusting, but I'd choke it down because it was calories and I needed fuel to be sharp in case we came in contact with combatants."

"Poor kid. At least we had Mom."

Jay nodded. "What happened with Dad at the hospital?"

"Had to have a mitral valve replacement because his wasn't working properly. Told him over and over to get his checked regularly, but he didn't because he's stubborn. He went for the non-surgical option first, but then there were complications, so Rhodes performed surgery. He's fine."

"That's good... I guess." Jay glanced around and he saw your duffle bag sitting outside the bathroom door. You had grabbed your clothes to bring them into the bathroom and left your open duffle bag by the door.

Jay stood up and started walking towards it.

"What are you doing?" Will hissed.

"I need to see if she's got anything else in there that will help prove neglect. I'm assuming it needs to be proved...I only know criminal court cases, don't know much about family court cases."

"What do you mean family court? You're going to fight Dad to be able to take care of her?"

"Yeah, I'll fight to be her legal guardian. Unless you want to do it. My loan went through for a new apartment, which has two bedrooms, so I figured I might be better suited."

"Go ahead. You'd probably have a better chance anyway because you were around more when I was in New York."

Jay nodded and started to dig around your duffle bag. He chuckled and pulled out your Build-A-Bear. "She still sleeps with Beary," he said as he held up the stuffed bear. "Probably doesn't change his clothes anymore because she's too old for that, but he's in pajamas."

"Remember that military uniform you got for her bear? Mom said she barely took Beary out of that because she missed you so much."

"Yeah, and if she wouldn't have dropped him at the airport, I might not have met Mouse."

The two fell into a comfortable silence as he continued to dig through your bag. He got to a big zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric that were stained light reds and browns.

"Will, c'mere," Jay said, waving him over. Will squatted down next to Jay. "You know what this is?"

Will sighed. "Unfortunately, yes. I saw a lot of this when I worked in Sudan."

"Well, what is it?"

"So, when girls don't have access or money to buy feminine hygiene products, they'll use scraps of fabric and wash them. Looks to me like she cut up some, um, she cut up some underwear and then used them as make-shift pads. If they aren't taken care of properly, she could end up with an infection. And, if she tried to use them as tampons instead of pads, it could lead to TSS, which stands for Toxic Shock Syndrome."

"We're gonna have to talk to her about this now, aren't we?"

"Unfortunately, yeah. She's not gonna be happy you dug through her stuff, so I'll let you explain why you were going through it. And, if she used them as tampons, I want her to get a pelvic exam, just to make sure she didn't get any infections. Much more likely to get an infection from tampons than pads."

Jay nodded. He hated having the current conversation and knew he was going to hate the next one even more, but he knew he had to do these things if he wanted to petition the court for legal guardianship.

Jay picked up your duffle bag and brought it to the living room and he set the zip-lock bag full of pieces of fabric on top.

"I can't believe we missed this," Will said. "I mean, we're both trained in how to spot abuse and we couldn't even spot it in our little sister."

"There weren't outright signs," Jay said. "No bruising, limping, cuts, burns, nothing like that. And, it's winter, it's easy to hide the weight loss. But, I still agree with you. If we would've spotted it earlier, we could've gotten her out of there."

"I'm pretty sure she's officially underweight now."

Jay ran a hand through his hair and then stood back up. "I'm gonna go put clean sheets on my bed. I'll let Y/N take it tonight so that we can keep talking out here when she goes to sleep."

"Good idea."

A few minutes later, Jay was back on the couch next to Will and you walked out of the bathroom, wearing a baggy t-shirt and some sweatpants that you had to keep pulling up because they were too big on you now, and a pair of fuzzy socks. You were cold all the time now and wanted your hoodie out of your duffle and wanted to put your dirty clothes in there, but when you looked down to the spot where you thought you had put it, it wasn't there.

"Guys?" you asked. "Have you seen my bag?"

You walked over to the kitchen table where your blanket was sitting on the chairs and wrapped that around yourself instead.

You furrowed your eyebrows as you saw your brothers on the couch, your duffle bag in front of them on the floor, and on top, your bag of ripped-up, old underwear that you used as pads when you didn't have any.

"You went through my stuff?" you asked, starting to become angry.

"Y/N," Jay started, "I know you're mad and it was me who went through it and not Will, so don't be mad at him, be mad at me. But, I went through it to see if anything was in there that could help me get you out of dad's house. Permanently."

"You- You want to have custody of me?" you asked.

A small smile appeared on Jay's lips and he nodded. "It wouldn't be considered custody because I'm not your biological parent, it would be considered guardianship, but yes, I want you to stay with me. And, my loan went through for a new apartment, so you'd have your own room and everything."

"Okay."

Jay looked at Will, not wanting to be the one to start this conversation. And, he figured Will would be the best one to start it because he was a doctor.

"Y/N, we need to ask you about these." Will motioned to the zip-lock bag on top of your stuff.

You sat in the loveseat across from them and looked down at your feet.

"It's okay, you're not in trouble," Will continued. "We just want to know how you used them in case you need to get a pelvic exam to check for infections in that area."

Your lip began to tremble as tears started to roll down your cheeks. "I used them as pads," you said quietly. "Dad wouldn't buy me any and I stopped getting them from school because I thought they'd suspect something was wrong if I- if I kept taking them."

"One more question," Will said softly. "I just need to know in case we need to take you in for this. I know you said you used them as pads, but did you ever try and use them as tampons?"

"No. I only used them as pads," you whispered. "I was scared to use them as tampons." You looked up at your brothers, who both had tears in their eyes. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," you rushed. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner I was just--" You let out a wail and Jay got up and knelt in front of you.

"Hey, hey, none of this is your fault. Do you hear me? Absolutely none of this is on you. It's all on Dad. Every single bit of it. You are not the one to blame."

You launched yourself into his arms, crying out every emotion you had felt these past few months: anger, frustration, fear, sadness, it was all coming out now.

And, Jay just held you and let you cry it out because that was what your guys' mom used to do for him. And, he knew it worked.

Twenty minutes later, your wails were just quiet whimpers and you pushed yourself back up onto the loveseat, where Will had moved to the spot next to you. He wrapped an arm around you and you leaned into him, craving the comfort that had been denied to you for so long.

"You still have that Twix bar?" you asked.

"All that crying made you hungry, didn't it, Short Stack?" Will asked as Jay got up to retrieve the candy bar from the table.

You nodded.

"Thank you," you said when Jay handed you the Twix bar. You unwrapped it and broke it into the two sticks. "You guys want any?" They both shook their heads: they knew you needed to get as many calories in you as possible.

Jay sighed, he might as well get this hard conversation over with you tonight as well. "Y/N, you can eat as much as you want. I won't say anything about you eating too much, okay?"

You looked up from your candy bar. "You won't call me a burden because I'm eating your food? Like Dad did?"

"He said that?" Will asked, giving Jay a look that read when I see him next, I can't be held accountable for my actions.

"Yeah. One time there were some leftovers he had gotten from a bar and I was so hungry and it was the middle of the night, so I took them out and heated them up. The microwave timer must've woken him up because he came out just as I was about to start eating and then he yelled at me for eating his food and called me a burden."

"Well, we don't think that. Neither Will nor me think that," Jay told you. "And you can eat as much as you want."

You yawned as you crumpled up your Twix wrapper.

"Tired?" Will asked.

"Yeah," you mumbled.

"It's been a long day," Jay said. "You can take my bed."

"Jay, it's your apartment, I can't--"

"Y/N, this isn't up for discussion. I already put clean sheets on the bed for you."

"Is- Is there a fan in your room? I can't sleep without white noise."

"There is. You want me and Will to tuck you in?"

"I'm too old for that." You stood up and Will did, too. "Jay, can you hand me Beary? He should be in my duffle."

"Here you go, kid."

You took your bear and held him loosely in your arm. Then, you enveloped Jay in a hug and did the same for Will.

"I love you guys."

"We love you, too," Will said.

"Now get to sleep. You've still got school in the morning. I'll be here when you wake up."

"Dad sometimes wouldn't be home when I woke up for school. He'd be at a friend's house sleeping off a hangover from the night before or just sleeping."

Jay furrowed his eyebrows. "Doesn't he have to work?"

"He does work, but only a few days a week. The other days, he stays out really late and then comes home either drunk or hungover."

"I see," Jay stated. "Well I won't be doing that, I can promise you that."

"I know. You aren't like Dad. Neither of you are." You yawned again. "I'm going to bed, goodnight."

A few minutes later, you were out like a light and Will was still at Jay's apartment.

"So, Abby called me the other day," Will started. "She's looking for you. Says she's in town for a few days and wants to meet up."

"Oh yeah? She say why?" Jay asked, wondering why his ex-wife--who was the result of a blackout drunk wedding in Vegas, a thing that lasted only 24 hours tops--was in Chicago and was looking for him of all people.

"She said you two are still married."

Jay threw his head back against the couch and closed his eyes. "You have got to be fucking kidding me."

***

"Morning," Jay said as he stood at the stove flipping some eggs. "Sleep good?"

"I slept really good. Didn't even hear you wake up."

"Fan did the trick then?"

You nodded and grabbed a mug from the cupboard and went to start pouring yourself a cup of coffee.

"Nuh-uh," Jay chirped, putting his hand on the handle of the coffee pot as well.

"Why not? I drank it at Dad's."

Jay raised an eyebrow. "You drank coffee at Dad's?"

"Yeah, on the weekends sometimes that would be my breakfast because it curbs my appetite and there wasn't a lot to eat."

Jay sighed. "Well, you'll have enough to eat here, I can promise you that. And, coffee stunts your growth."

"Jay," you groaned. "I haven't grown since sixth grade."

"Okay, well, then you don't want to become dependent on it at such an early age, then. Come talk to me when you're a legal adult or in college."

"Fine." You let go of the coffee pot and put the mug back in the cupboard.

"You can have juice though." The toast in the toaster popped up and Jay placed the toast on a plate and then put a slice of cheese on each piece and then an egg on top. He also put a small bowl of strawberries next to it. "I'm gonna go get dressed while you eat. And then, once you're ready, I'll take you to school."

"Okay, thanks, Jay."

"You're welcome, kiddo."

You rolled your eyes at the nickname and then went to the fridge to get the apple juice. When you opened the fridge, you saw a brown paper bag with your name on it. Curiosity got the best of you, so you took it out and looked at the contents while you ate your breakfast.

Inside was a ham and Colby jack cheese sandwich with lettuce, pickles, mustard, and mayonnaise, an apple, a coconut-flavored Greek yogurt, celery with peanut butter, and a chocolate chip granola bar. There were also two dollars at the bottom of the bag paperclipped together with a sticky note stuck to the top.

For chocolate milk. ~Jay was what the note read.

Tears sprung to your eyes as you continued to eat your breakfast. You don't remember the last time you brought a lunch to school; you'd always get your lunch for free at school. When you got the paper from school about the free/reduced lunch because teachers noticed you didn't have much to eat, you waited until your dad was hungover and it was early in the morning, and handed him a pen and he signed the paper blindly. And, that's how you got lunch and breakfast at school without any cost to you or your dad.

"Hey, I can just brush my teeth at the kitchen sink if you want the bathroom--" He cut himself off when he saw the tears in your eyes. "What's wrong?"

"You- You made me lunch?" you asked as you turned to face him.

He smiled. "Of course I did. I know how bad cafeteria food can be. And, if it tastes good, it's usually not very good for you."

"Thank you," you said as you wiped a tear away that had rolled down your cheek.

"Aww, hey, don't cry, don't cry. It's okay. You're safe now. You don't need to worry about where your next meal will come from. And, I'm going to petition a judge for legal guardianship in a few days. I just have to have a few conversations with some lawyers."

"Does this mean you have to move? I don't want to kick you out of your apartment."

Jay dismissed that with a wave. "I already put in a loan application for a new apartment. Two bedrooms. Really nice."

"Can you tell me about it? While I finish eating my strawberries."

Jay nodded and sat down in the chair across from you. "It's a two-bedroom, washer, dryer. But, I know you don't care about those things. There's underground parking. It's got a gym, a whole club level, with like a coffee lounge, and all this other stuff."

"That sounds really nice."

"Yeah, it is a pretty nice building. Coffee lounge would be perfect for you to get your homework done if you don't feel like staying in the apartment."

"I thought you said I couldn't drink coffee?" you asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I meant the caffeine in the coffee. Decaf coffee and lattes and tea lattes, that's a different story. I'm sure they have pastries there, too."

"Never pegged you for a coffee snob," you joked.

"You learn a lot about coffee and about a person when you have to get your entire unit coffee. I'll let you in on a little secret: Ruzek's coffee order is the most complicated."

"Really?"

"Really. Now, go finish getting ready. Don't want you being late for school."

***

"Hey, Er, can you meet me at the diner we usually go to?" Jay asked his girlfriend over the phone after he had dropped you off at school.

"Yeah, no problem. Give me fifteen minutes. We haven't caught a case yet, but we should keep our radios on just in case. Everything okay?"

"It's a long story. I'll explain everything in person, okay?"

"Okay," Erin answered skeptically. "I'll see you in a few."

Fifteen minutes later on the dot, Erin walked into the little diner and spotted Jay sitting in the corner booth.

"Alright, what's going on?" she asked after she had ordered her food and some coffee. "You sounded really stressed on the phone."

Jay sighed. "I'm going to fight for legal guardianship of Y/N."

"What? Why? What happened?" Erin asked as she widened her eyes.

"Our dad, he uh, he hasn't really been the greatest. Not keeping food in the house, calling her a burden when she tries to eat some of his food, not buying her products for you know...girl stuff. She's probably lost like 25 pounds since the end of last school year. And, I know that doesn't sound like a lot with the amount of time that's passed, but she's underweight. Will drew some of her blood last night to see if she's deficient in some vitamins or minerals."

"My God."

"Yeah, so, I know we were going to move into your place together, but I need another bedroom and my loan went through at that place I told you about, so I'm going to put an offer in there. You could always move in with me if you want, but I don't know if it would be a good idea for that to happen right away. I just want to get Y/N healthy again. I'm sorry."

"Jay, I get it. She's family. Do you know how you're going to go about this? Did you talk to Voight about taking any time off to sort this out?"

"Not yet. But, I think I'm going to call Antonio and see if he can help me out with getting a meeting with ASA Stone. I know he works criminal cases, but he's gotta know some stuff about family court cases. So, I figured he might be able to help me with this whole process."

"Good idea. If you need any help, just say the word and I'll be there."

Jay smiled. "Thanks, Er." He didn't want to have the conversation he was about to have, but he knew he had to tell her. "There's uh, there's one more thing I need to tell you."

"Okay, what is it?"

"About eight years ago, I was married."

"Excuse me, what? You were married and you didn't tell me?"

Jay knew this was a bad idea...which was why he hadn't wanted to tell Erin, but now that he wasn't officially divorced for whatever reason, he knew needed to tell her. "Just let me explain."

"Yes, please do," Erin sneered.

"Her name's Abby. She ran Cultural Support during my last tour in Kandahar. About a year after I came home, I saw her at a funeral in Vegas. Was... was a guy in our unit, he had redeployed, and, um, he didn't... Um, I was, like, blacking out most nights, and we were both pretty shook up. And, um, we got married." He chuckled at the thought of his twenty-one-year-old self thinking that marriage was a good idea. "It was, like, a 24-hour thing, it was a total joke, and it is long over."

Erin just stared at him, as he waited to be chewed out by her. "Jay, you married this girl. And you never told me, and you were never gonna tell me," was all she said.

"I know. And, I'm sorry. But, I'm meeting up with her in a few days to sign the documents that I thought I'd signed because she's getting married and we need to make the divorce official...even though, in my mind, it's been official for eight years.

"Er, please don't hate me, but with everything going on, with me trying to get guardianship of Y/N and me finding out that I'm somehow still married--"

"You want us to take a break?" Erin asked, finishing his sentence for him.

Jay nodded. "I'm sorry. I just don't think I can juggle a relationship with all this other stuff. And, it's not fair to you."

Erin swallowed. "Well, just tell me if you need any help with Y/N. I'll always be there for you. Relationship or partnership, I'll always have your six."

"And I'll always have yours."

Erin's phone buzzed on the table and she picked it up. "It's Voight. We caught a case."

Jay laid some bills on the table. "Then let's go."

***

"Got the results of Y/N's bloodwork back," Will told Jay over the phone while he had a quick break for lunch...even though it was four o'clock in the afternoon. But, that's the thing about the medical field: breaks are never regular.

"And? Any deficiencies?" Jay asked, walking into his bedroom as you were at the table doing homework and he didn't want to distract you.

"Yes, two actually. Iron and riboflavin. The low iron explains why her periods have become shorter and lighter, but that can also be attributed to how small she is now."

"How do we go about this then?"

"I'll send you a list of foods that have levels high iron and riboflavin. Oh, riboflavin's found in vitamin B by the way."

"Okay, care to tell me what iron and riboflavin do? I know iron helps with hemoglobin and red blood cells, but I have no idea what riboflavin does."

"You're right about iron. I'm shocked. Or, what do the kids say these days? I'm shook."

"I swear to God, please never use that phrase again. And, I know what iron does because I paid attention in high school nutrition class, thank you very much."

"If I remember correctly, I helped you with most of the homework in that class."

"Whatever, you helped me. Now, tell me about riboflavin."

"So, riboflavin just helps convert food into energy and is needed for healthy skin, hair, blood, and a healthy brain." Jay could hear a beeping in the background on Will's end. "Gotta go. I'll send you that list of foods right now, though."

"Thanks, man."

You looked up as Jay came back into the kitchen. "Everything okay?" you asked.

Jay pulled out a chair and sat across from you. "So, I just got off the phone with Will. He got the results from your bloodwork back."

"Is it bad? Am I dying?" You set your pencil down, bracing yourself for bad news.

"No," Jay chuckled, "you're not dying. You just don't have enough iron and riboflavin, which is a specific B vitamin. Will sent me a list of foods that have high levels of those in them. You up for some grocery shopping? We can also grab some multivitamins that have those in them, too, just to help your levels stabilize faster."

"Okay, we can go now. I'm due for a break."

***

"So, some foods that contain riboflavin include milk, eggs, cheese, yogurt, meats, green leafy vegetables, and riboflavin enriched grains and cereals," Jay read off his phone.

"I've had a lot of those today already," you pointed out. "Eggs and cheese with breakfast. I had that yogurt for a snack at school, and I had meat and cheese on my sandwich and I had chocolate milk with my lunch at school."

That was just standard, Jay thought. He wondered what you ate when you were at your Dad's. And, he knew that if he wanted to obtain guardianship of you, he'd need to know these things.

"What did you eat at Dad's?" Jay probed.

"I mean, I barely made it to school on time most mornings because I was trying to be quiet so I didn't wake Dad, which made me move slower when getting ready. So, I'd usually just grab a small thing of dry cereal when I got to school and eat it in my first class. I never checked to see if it was one of the enriched ones. I'm sorry."

"You don't have to apologize. There's no way you could've known. Now, what did you usually have for lunch at school?"

"I always tried to get veggies with my lunch, but most of the veggies were the gross canned ones, like canned corn or green beans. I don't like those. Sometimes, they'd have little salads as a side and I'd get those. Sometimes they'd have yogurt parfaits and I'd get those. But, I'd usually go for the pre-made subs, because at least those would have veggies on them...even if it was just lettuce and pickles. I'd usually try to get an apple or banana as my side, too." You paused. "If I was getting meat and cheese from the sub and milk from my chocolate milk, then how am I deficient in this?"

"It's probably because the meat and cheese schools use is so heavily processed that there are little to no vitamins left in it," Jay answered.

"And you know this how?"

"As you get older, you acquire a lot of knowledge and one of those things is that the more processed a food is, the fewer vitamins and minerals are preserved...and I watch a lot of The Food that Built America on the History channel."

"Oh, okay. What foods are on that show?"

"Usually it's about fast food. One episode I watched last week was about ice cream and popsicles and how they came to be in America. Pretty interesting."

"Can we watch an episode tonight? That show sounds good."

"Of course." He paused in front of the fresh produce. "Take your pick. But, just make sure you get some leafy greens for the riboflavin and some fruit and other green veggies for iron."

You picked up a few things such as more apples, a bag of Clementines, bananas, spinach, carrots, and celery, and then, you shocked your brother as you picked up a bag of kale.

"Kale?" he asked. "Didn't know you liked it."

You shrugged. "I heard it tastes kind of like spinach. And, I saw a recipe on Pinterest for a salad that has kale, lemon juice, and dates. Is it okay if we try that?"

"You know, I think that would be the perfect side for dinner tonight. I'll add lemon juice and dates to the list."

"I didn't grab too many fruits and veggies, right?" you asked, not wanting to waste food or your brother's hard-earned money. "I- I can put some back if you want me to."

"Nope, it's all good. We can always freeze the bananas if they go bad for smoothies or banana bread. And, we can always turn the apples into apple sauce. Spinach and kale freeze well, too and you can't even taste them if we put them in smoothies."

"How do you know this stuff?" you asked.

"I used to watch Mom cook a lot when I was little. And, when I moved out on my own, she gave me a copy of a cookbook she always used. Said the recipes at the beginning of the book were simple enough that I wouldn't burn my apartment down."

You laughed at the thought of your mom scolding Jay if his apartment got ruined from his cooking. "Do you still have it?" you asked. "The cookbook, I mean."

"I do."

"Can we make something out of it tonight?"

"You know, I think that's a great idea." He pursed his lips. "How about Mom's chicken pot pie? I think I have some frozen peas and corn in the freezer and we can use the carrots we just grabbed in it, too."

"That sounds really good. Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me." Jay paused. He figured now would be as good a time as any to tell you. "Uh, do you remember the day that we got ice cream and went and played soccer with Ben when you were little? The night that Mom went into the hospital?"

You nodded, swallowing the lump in your throat at the memory of that day.

"Well, she told me to take care of you. There's no way I would break a promise to Mom."

"She said that?"

"Mhmm."

"It's like she knew something was going to happen."

"Mom was a smart lady. Will had to have gotten it from somewhere and he sure didn't get it from Dad."

You laughed. "Hey, you're smart, too. Just not sciency smart. You're more puzzle smart because you put the pieces together of who committed a crime." Jay laughed at your description of his job. "Oh, is the recipe for Mom's garlic mashed potatoes in that cookbook?"

"It is. Want those as a side along with the salad you mentioned?"

"Yes, please...if it's not a problem."

"They're super simple and quick to make." He scribbled on a piece of notebook paper that he had written down a few groceries on, like the salad ingredients you had mentioned. "Alright, potatoes, a rotisserie chicken, and pastry dough have all been added to the list."

***

"I'll be back later tonight, no later than midnight," Jay told you two days later on Sunday night. "I know it's not ideal because you have school in the morning, but try and get some sleep while I'm gone, okay?"

"I'm used to being home alone at night, Jay." You shrugged. "I'll be fine."

"I know, it's just that not something I want you to get used to. Feel free to eat anything you want, cook anything you want. As long as you don't burn down the house, I don't care what you make. Oh, and remember to take your multivitamin before bed."

You rolled your eyes. "I'm fifteen, not five. Now, get going. Don't want you to be late to meet that lawyer."

"Love you. I'll be back by midnight. Lock the door behind me."

"I will. Love you, too."

With that, Jay left his apartment to go meet with ASA Stone and you locked the door behind him as he told you.

***

"So, Antonio told me you have some custody questions," Peter Stone said once he closed the door of his office.

"That's right," Jay replied as he took a seat in front of Stone's desk and turned his phone completely off and Stone took a seat in his chair behind his desk.

"Didn't know you had a kid, Halstead."

"No, I don't actually," Jay chuckled. "I have a kid sister. Name's Y/N and she's fifteen."

"Okay, and why do you want guardianship then?"

"When me and Will, my older brother, were kids, our dad kinda checked out on parenting us when we hit our mid-teens. But, we had our mom around, so it was okay. I went over there the other day because my dad was having some heart issues and I called Will. When I was there, I got a call of a robbery and it was Y/N. She was stealing food from a corner store because our dad wasn't feeding her," Jay explained.

"I see. So, other than her word and her stealing food, do you have any proof of this?"

"I know I should've called DCFS before letting her stay with me, but I couldn't let her stay there a minute longer, Peter. She's lost like 25 pounds in the past six months and she's deficient in both iron and vitamin B."

"Okay, what we have to do is petition for guardianship in front of a judge. I can help you with the documents and I can even represent you at the hearing if you want."

"Wow, yeah, that'd be great. Thank you."

"Anything else you want to tell me about your dad? Any physical or emotional abuse?"

"Not technically, but there is something else." And then Jay launched into all the information you had told him two days ago.

"Okay. And, you know your dad could theoretically press kidnapping charges against you because you took his kid without his permission?"

"I do. But he was basically starving her. No jury would find me guilty."

"I'm not going to argue with you about that one because I agree with you."

"So, do you think I have a chance of getting guardianship over Y/N?"

"In theory, yes. But, most judges like to keep the child with their biological parents. But, seeing as Y/N's fifteen, she does get some say in who she stays with," Stone explained. "When we have a custody or guardianship battle, we use the child's best interest standard. This means that you must prove that you are capable of providing food, clothing, housing, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N. There will be one or two home visits before appearing before a judge, just to let you know."

"I'm aware of that. And, I just put an offer in on a new apartment with two bedrooms this morning and they're pretty quick in responding, so I should know in the next few days whether or not I got it."

"That's a good start. And you are financially stable to raise her until she turns eighteen, so three more years?"

"I am."

"Alright, let's start on those documents then. Unless you have any more questions for me?"

"I do actually. I, uh, I just found out that I'm technically still married. Something about me not signing the divorce papers even though I specifically remember signing them? And, before you ask, me and this girl served together, we were both twenty-one, going through rough patches and it was a Vegas wedding eight years ago. Lasted no more than twenty-four hours."

"It's really good that you told me this because any good lawyer would find that out when you file for guardianship. It's possible that she didn't co-sign the divorce papers. If that's the reason, I can help you draw up new divorce papers right now."

"Really? You'd help me with that?"

"Of course. A friend of Antonio's is a friend of mine," Stone said as he started typing on his computer. "So, what you can do is you can file for a no-fault divorce."

"You're gonna have to be specific, Stone. I know a bit of criminal law because I've had to testify in criminal cases, but like I said, I don't know family or civil law," Jay said.

"What a no-fault divorce is, Jay, is that you don't have to prove that either of you did anything wrong to get a divorce. All you have to do is state that your marriage is unsalvageable and continue filing for divorce."

"That's it? What if she doesn't sign it?"

"The divorce papers will be served to, uh...what's this girl's name again?" Stone asked.

"Abby."

"Abby. The divorce papers will be served to Abby and she has twenty days to file her response with the court. If she doesn't, then the court rules it as an uncontested divorce and then you're officially divorced."

"Me and Abby are meeting up to talk about all this tonight. But, can we just fill out paperwork for this no-fault divorce just in case things don't go as planned? I just really need to get guardianship of Y/N. The least amount of problems, the better."

"Of course. And if everything goes well with her tonight, then just give me a call and I'll shred the documents."

"Alright, just tell me where to sign."

***

"Wilson is running through the showers wearing nothing but a Kevlar vest, right?" Jay reminisced on the good parts of his Ranger days with Abby at a bar around 8:30 that night after his meeting with Peter Stone.

"Well, the lieutenant said, all outdoor activities to be conducted in body armor." Jay laughed at Abby's rendition of their lieutenant's voice. "Do you remember, he had his girlfriend's name tattooed on his ass?"

Jay set his empty drink down on the bar. "Did he tell you that was his girlfriend? That was his dog's name," Jay laughed.

"That actually makes more sense," Abby said. "I could go for another one of these."

"I, um, I shouldn't."

"Gotta get back to the barracks?"

"No, I uh gotta get back to my little sister, actually. I'm looking after her at the moment. It's a long story. Do you have the papers?"

"I, uh, I don't have them."

"Abby."

"It's just, I never told you. Even that crazy day we got married, I never told you that I loved you, Jay. It didn't feel right. But, I loved you, Jay. I do love you."

Jay sighed. "Abby, you deserve everything good. I'm just not the guy that's gonna give that to you." He brushed her hair to the side and gave her a kiss on the cheek.

After putting some money on the bar to pay for the drinks and tip the bartender, he left the bar. Guess he was going to need these no-fault divorce documents, anyway.

He was almost to his car when he heard someone calling his name. And, it was a voice he knew all too well.

"Erin?" he shouted as she came closer. "What are you doing here?"

"Would it kill you to turn on your phone? You need to get to the district. Now."

"What? Why? What's wrong?"

She got in his passenger seat. "Just drive. I'll explain on the way."

***

You were sitting on Jay's bed reading a book when you heard a knock on the door.

Slowly, you got off his bed and made your way out of his room. You took a knife out of the knife block, but you hoped you wouldn't need to use it. Jay would've told you if someone was planning on stopping over. And, if it was Will, he would've given you a heads-up.

The knocking got louder and more aggressive. "Jayson! Open this door! I have the right to see my daughter!"

Dad.

With the knife still in hand, you backed up and then, once on the carpet, ran back into Jay's room and quietly shut the door and locked it. You pulled out your phone and tried Jay. It went straight to voicemail. The pounding was getting louder. You tried Will. It went straight to voicemail because he was on shift. You thought you heard your dad starting to kick the door now instead of just pounding on it with his fists. You tried the last person you thought could help.

"Y/N?" Erin asked as she answered her phone and paused the tv show she was watching.

"Erin," you whispered. "I'm scared. I need help."

"You need help? Can you tell me why?"

"My dad, he's- he's here. He's looking for me." You heard a crash.

"Jay? Y/N? I know one of you is in here!"

"I- I think he just broke down the apartment door. Please help."

"Okay, okay, here's what you're going to do. I want you to hide somewhere and I'm going to call a patrol car over there right now. You're going to turn your phone on silent and I'm going to call you right back," she told you.

"Okay," you whispered as quietly as you could.

"I'll call you back in one minute tops."

You moved as quietly as you could with the knife and your phone still in your hands and opened Jay's closet door. You buried yourself behind the two garment bags that contained Jay's police blues and his military dress uniform, hoping against hope that your dad wouldn't find you.

Your phone lit up and it was Erin. You answered.

"Y/N, the officers will be there soon. I don't want you to talk. Just know that I'm on the phone with you."

At the same time, as she was talking to you over speakerphone, she was texting the team. She assumed you couldn't reach Jay or Will since you had called her. She told them what was happening and that a few of them needed to get to the district because they needed to find Jay's location. She also told Voight to get ahold of Sharon Goodwin so she could notify Will of what was currently happening.

"Chicago PD! Put your hands where we can see them!" you heard from your hiding place.

"See?" Erin said. "I told you that you'd be okay. I told them that you were hiding, so if someone opens the door, it's just an officer."

Just after she said that the closet door opened.

You squeaked.

"It's okay. You're safe," the officer said. "We're just going to take you down to the district. You're safe."

You peeked out from your hiding place and you saw the blues of the officers. You slowly made your way out and followed the officer out to the patrol car, the one that didn't house your dad for a breaking and entering charge at the moment.

***

"Where is she?" Jay yelled as he entered the district.

Platt just pointed to the bench next to one of the offices where you were sitting, staring at the floor, with a police jacket draped over your shoulders.

He sunk to his knees in front of you. "Are you hurt? Did Dad hurt you? Did he put his hands on you in any way?"

You shook your head.

"Oh thank God."

"I was so scared," you whispered. "When you and Will didn't answer, I thought he was gonna get me."

"I'm sorry. I turned off my phone when I talked to ASA Stone, and I forgot to turn it back on. I'm so sorry. C'mere."

You all but fell off the bench and into Jay's arms. "Is he going to jail? I don't want him going to jail."

"He was drunk out of his mind. I can ask not to press charges, though."

"Please. He needs help."

Although Jay didn't say it, he knew you were right. Jails and prisons didn't rehabilitate, they just taught criminals how to be better criminals. He knew that his dad needed rehab, a twelve-step program, anything.

"Okay, I won't press charges. But, I think we're gonna need to stay with Will for the night because our door's broken. What do you say we run home and grab some clothes to bring to Will's? And, since Dad will be here for a little longer, we can run to his house and get more of your stuff. Sound like a plan?"

"Can we get Dairy Queen on the way to Will's?"

"We sure can."

***

"I- I don't think any of these dresses will fit me anymore. They look way too big," you said to Jay as the two of you unpacked a bunch of your stuff in the guest room of Jay's new apartment. You wanted to think of it as the guest room for now instead of calling it your room just in case Jay wasn't awarded guardianship. You didn't want to get too attached.

Jay sighed. He figured you were right. He would see if Erin could take you, but their relationship was on the backburner right now. And, Erin had some stuff with Bunny she had to work out after she had brought her that pearl bracelet and said that she might be leaving Chicago. So, now wasn't really the right time for him to be bugging Erin about going shopping with you. And, he couldn't ask Kim because she was taking some furlough after finding her sister brutally sodomized after a night out.

He thought about asking Will if Nina could come, but he didn't think that those two were too happy with each other at the moment since Will hadn't told Nina about their dad being in the hospital and she had to find out from Natalie. Not Will's greatest moment.

He racked his brain for more women he knew.

Then it hit him: Gabby.

Yes, they had briefly dated, but that was five years ago. She was married now and his feelings for her were completely gone. They were civil with each other when they saw each other in the field and would chat when Gabby showed up at the district to pick up Eva or Diego.

"How about you try a few on after we finish unpacking, and then if none of them really fit, I can give Gabby a call and see if she'll take you shopping while I work on unpacking the rest of the house," Jay suggested.

"Okay. Will's gonna be over after his shift to help though, right?" you asked.

"He better be. He said he would. If he doesn't come, he better have a really good excuse."

"You can't unpack the kitchen without me," you told him.

"Why not?"

"I can't have you putting the glasses and other stuff on high shelves because I wanna reach them without having to climb on the counter."

"Okay, fine. I'll keep your short little height in mind while I unpack." He paused. "Do you want to get those fancy word stickers for your room for one of the walls?"

"Decals? And, it's not my room yet."

"Listen, after that stunt Dad pulled at my old apartment, Stone is 99.9% positive that I'll be granted guardianship. We just have to jump through all the hoops first."

"Like the home checks?"

"Like the home checks," he confirmed.

"What do I say in court?" you asked a few minutes later as you were putting the pillows on your freshly made bed.

"You just tell the truth," he answered.

"Will you be in there with me?"

"No, I won't. Stone said that usually in these cases you talk to the judge by yourself so that you can't be intimidated by either of the people who are fighting for custody or guardianship."

"So you won't be there? Will won't be there?"

"Will will be out in the hall and I will be in a different room. I'll be in like a witness room, where they make witnesses of a crime wait so that their testimony isn't swayed by what the other people are saying on the stand. But, me and Dad will be in the courtroom at the same time, just so I can see what he'll be saying."

"And, I'll be in there then, too?"

"Yes."

"What kind of questions do they ask me?"

"Stone said that since you're older, you get a say in who you stay with, so they'll ask you questions like who've you known the longest, who you feel safest with, who you want to live with, etc."

"Will they ask me questions about Dad? Like how he didn't give me food and how he broke into your apartment?" you asked.

"They will," Jay confirmed. "But, Stone will be in there for those questions just in case he needs to object to something."

"So the only time I'll be alone with the judge is when they're asking me the first few questions? Like who I feel safest with?"

"Exactly. Now, do you need help putting these books on the top shelf of your bookshelf?"

***

"Hey, how was your day?" Jay asked as he came home from work that afternoon. It was a shock that he was home by 5 pm, but you had a big day tomorrow. Not only was tomorrow Friday, it was the day you and Jay had to go to court to see if he would be awarded guardianship of you.

"We've got a problem," you stated.

"Um, I can try to help you with it, but let me go put my gun away first."

While he was doing that, you pulled out the slip of paper and the note that Gretchen Cunningham had written, saying that she wouldn't allow you to make up the test you would be missing because you had to go to court.

"Alright, what's the problem?" Jay asked as he walked into the kitchen.

"Cunningham. She's the problem...as always."

You handed him the papers and he read them over. "Yeah, this isn't going to fly. She doesn't need a judge's signature to allow you to take the test. I'll talk to the school tomorrow morning when I call to tell them you'll be absent."

"I hate her," you groaned. "She's so mean. And, I know what you're gonna say. You have to deal with people you don't like. But, she lost one of my assignments and told me I didn't turn it in and couldn't re-do it!"

"Well did you?" Jay asked. "Turn it in, I mean."

"Jay!"

He put his hands up in a sign of surrender. "I'm just saying, could be your fault."

"Yes, I turned in the stupid assignment. And, she paired me up with the stupidest kid in the class and told me to do well on this assignment because he needed a good grade to pass. It's not my fault he's failing! Don't put his grade on me, lady!"

"And she wouldn't let you re-do it?"

"Nope. But it's fine. I'm still getting an A. That might change if she doesn't let me take this test, though."

"It's like deja-vu from my freshman year all over again. Why doesn't she retire already? She's like 100."

"Or they could fire her," you quipped. "Or I could switch classes."

"I'll see what I can do. Who's the other history teacher?"

"Um, Miss Hedge."

"Hedge? As in Jayne Hedge?"

"Yeah, it's actually her. Why? Do you know her?"

"Yes he does," Will said as he entered Jay's apartment. "In fact, they went to freshman snowcoming together."

"How did you even get in here?" Jay asked, turning around to look at his older brother.

"For a cop, you're not that smart. You didn't lock the door behind you."

"I don't lock my door when I'm still awake. And, seriously? You just had to tell Y/N that, didn't you?"

"You guys can't just leave me hanging now. Tell me the story!"

"Fine," Jay grumbled and Will just laughed and sat down at the table, too. "I met her at school, obviously. She was on the freshman basketball team and I had winter weight training for the soccer team. I thought she was pretty and she was really smart, too. And, I knew that a bunch of the girls went to get Taco Bell after practice, so me and some of my friends decided to go, too."

"There used to be a Taco Bell close to school?" you asked. If there was, you'd never seen it before.

"It got torn down just after I graduated," Jay answered. "Anyway, we went to Taco Bell and I started talking to her and we talked a lot after practice. I'd walk her home sometimes. Then, I asked her to snowcoming and she said yes."

"So, why'd you guys break up? I know you dated Allie in high school."

"We realized we were better off as friends." Jay shrugged.

"And he realized he liked Allie more," Will added.

"Yeah, that too."

Will set a big bag of takeout on the table.

"Seriously?" Jay asked. "I thought we weren't going to do this that much anymore so we can get Y/N's vitamin and mineral levels stabilized."

"I'm sure she'd appreciate the break from your mundane meals," Will said. "And, I got us all side salads to go with the burgers instead of fries, so calm down." Jay gave him a look. "Fine, I got the side salads along with the fries. But, they're made out of potatoes, so they're technically a vegetable."

"For a doctor, you don't know much about nutrition, do you? And, my meals are not mundane."

"Dude, you'd have chicken, spaghetti, or grilled cheese every night."

"Not every night, just a lot of nights when I'd get home from the district late. I'll have you know me and Y/N have been making really good diners lately. Wanna tell Will what we made last night for dinner, Short Stack?"

"We made this really good pasta. We used Orzo, which looks like rice, but it's pasta. And we made a sauce out of tomatoes, onions, and orange juice. It was supposed to be lemon juice, but Jay didn't have any. We put chicken sausage in it for protein...and spices of course," you told Will.

"That actually sounds really good. Wow, Jay cooking every night, not something I expected."

"I like it," you said. "And, he lets me play whatever music I want when we cook."

Will rolled his eyes. You had Jay so wrapped around your finger that he'd do almost anything for you. Will didn't think he himself was that bad, but deep down, he knew he'd do anything for you, too...despite not being in Chicago as long as Jay had been.

***

"So I got a call from Stone this morning," Jay said around 11:30 that night when he and Will were sitting on the couch, each nursing a beer.

Will set his beer down on the coffee table in front of him. "And?"

"And, as of yesterday at midnight, I am officially divorced from Abby. Turns out, they served her the papers and, since she didn't sign them and it had been twenty days, it turned into an uncontested, no-fault divorce."

"Congrats, man. Might've been eight years too late, but you're a free man now."

"Amen to that. And it came at just the right time."

"Yeah," Will agreed. "You nervous for tomorrow?"

"Not really. More nervous for Y/N than anything. I've testified in criminal cases, so I kinda know how this goes, but she hasn't. And, before me and Dad go in to plead our cases, she has to talk to the judge all by herself. I just wish one of us could be in there with her."

Will nodded. "Know what they're going to ask you?"

"I know what Stone's going to ask me because we prepped, but I have no idea what Dad's lawyer is going to ask me. Pretty sure he's got just a public defender, though. Hopefully, that works in my favor."

"Not always, man," Will disagreed. "The public defenders who do these cases only do these cases. They've had a lot of practice."

"You really know how to make me feel better, thanks," Jay replied sarcastically.

"Rather have you hear it from me before the case than someone else after. Are you going to get cross-examined?"

"Probably. Don't know what they're going to ask me though because it's a cross. Stone set up some sample questions for me to answer with him to practice, but I'm going in blind. I'm used to it though because I've testified before. But, this feels like my biggest case."

"Because it probably is."

"Are you talking about tomorrow?" you asked as you quietly padded across the floor towards the living room.

"Y/N? What are you doing up? It's almost midnight," Jay pointed out.

"I- I know. But I couldn't sleep. I'm scared. What if I have to go back to Dad's? What if they find neither of you fit and I have to go into foster care?"

Jay patted the empty spot on the couch next to him and you sat down. "We just have to trust the system. That's all we can do."

"I know, but I can't sleep. And I'm so tired."

"I have an idea," Jay started and stood up, "stay here."

"I'm gonna go look for some melatonin," Will said after a few minutes of you two just sitting in silence. "I think Jay still has some for nights that he can't sleep."

Will was still rummaging around Jay's cabinets when Jay came back with a big black box with some cords and a cardboard box balanced against his hip.

"The hell is that?" You quickly covered your mouth when you realized you had sworn. "Sorry."

"It's okay. And, to answer your question, this is VCR. And, I have a bunch of videotapes in this box." He turned from you to face the kitchen, where Will was still opening and closing cabinets. "Will? What are you doing?"

"Looking for melatonin for Y/N. You got any?"

"First of all, it's so late that if you give it to her now, she'll sleep through her alarm and we can't be late for court tomorrow. And, second of all, I keep it in the medicine cabinet in my bathroom."

Will closed the cabinet and made his way back to the couch to sit next to you as Jay started to hook up the VCR to the tv. "Uh, Jay," Will began, "you know it's a little late for a movie right? And, I should get going in like half an hour?"

"We're not watching a movie. I recorded a bunch of the Blackhawks playoff games on one of these and I thought Y/N'd like to watch the 2010 Stanely Cup final series against the Flyers. Or, we could watch the final series against the Bruins when they won the cup last year."

"Let's watch the 2010 one," you said. "I don't think I watched it because I wasn't into watching hockey as much as I am now."

"And you have Jay to thank for that," Will pointed out.

"You can record things on there? Like an old-school DVR?" you asked.

"God, now I feel old," Will groaned. "Wait until she learns about floppy disks."

"Floppy what now?"

"Nevermind. Only 80s-90s kids would get it."

"We get it. You guys are millennials."

"Got it!" Jay exclaimed as he popped the videotape into the VCR and it started playing. "Now, shut up so we can relive this, Will."

You fell asleep before you even reached the end of the first period.

***

You rubbed your eyes and then looked around you to notice that you were still on the couch. You craned your neck to see the time on the oven on the other side of the open concept kitchen and living room and saw that it was 5:45 am. Jay was at the gym now. And, you knew you wouldn't be able to fall back asleep because you were already starting to worry about the rest of the day. You had to be in court at 8:30 and had to be talking to a judge at 9:00, the judge that would determine who you would be living with, which would inevitably determine your future.

God, you were thinking just like the teachers talked about the SATs, how if you didn't get a good grade on that standardized test that your future would be ruined.

You stood up and stretched and then went back to your room to grab the book you were currently reading. Then, you turned on a few lamps and grabbed a yogurt and fruit from the fridge, along with a glass of orange juice. After wrapping yourself in a blanket, you started to eat and read, hoping that that would keep your mind from wandering and worrying at least until Jay got back from the gym.

Half an hour later, Jay unlocked the apartment door and walked inside, confused as to why you were awake. It was only 6:15 and he had told you just to be up by 6:45.

"What are you doing awake, Short Stack?" he asked as he grabbed a banana from the bowl on the counter.

"I woke up at about 5:45 and I couldn't fall asleep. I'm sorry."

"Nothing to worry about. I just want you as well-rested for today as possible. You have your dress all ready? Know what shoes you're going to wear?"

"Jay," you whined. "I picked all of that out last night because you told me to."

"Just didn't want you to have to rush. I can turn the game back on for you so you can watch it until you have to start getting ready?"

You nodded and Jay came over and fiddled with the tv and the remote, going back to the middle of the first period where he thought you had fallen asleep.

"Okay, I'm gonna take a shower. Will said he'll be here around 7:45. Oh, and you can take that history test when you get back on Monday, in Miss Hedge's class."

You smiled. "Okay." Then, you turned your attention back to the hockey game.

***

You widened your eyes as you stood in the second bathroom getting ready. You had gotten dressed (into a navy blue, lacey dress that ended just above the knee that you had bought with Gabby a few days ago), washed your face, brushed your teeth, did your makeup, but now you were cursing yourself for being so stupid. You had no way of doing your hair. You didn't have a straightener here. And, your typical ponytail or bun wasn't going to cut it for court.

"Jay!" you yelled as you exited the bathroom and knocked on his bedroom door.

He opened it as he was tying his tie. "Yeah? Everything okay?"

"I don't have a straightener! I can't do my hair and if I wear my hair like I usually do then it will look bad on you and--"

"Hey, hey, calm down. We've still got over 45 minutes before we have to leave. I'll give Gabby a call and see if she's not on shift and can let you borrow hers."

You sighed the biggest sigh of relief. "Thank you."

Five minutes later, Jay knocked on the bathroom door as you were brushing your hair. "Gabby will be here in ten."

"Oh thank God."

***

"Thank you!" you exclaimed ten minutes later as you opened the door, revealing Gabby with her hair straightener. And, behind her, was Casey.

"No problem. Just tell me if you're not used to it and need help."

You took it from her. "No, I should be good. Thanks, though. C'mon in. I'm pretty sure Jay's around here somewhere."

They came into the apartment while you ran off to find Jay.

You knocked on his bedroom once more and he opened it, this time completely ready for the day. "Gabby and Casey are here," you told him.

"Casey's here?" he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

"Yeah. I think he just came with Gabby."

"Okay. Go fix your hair. I'll go talk to them."

Twenty minutes later, you were finished and slipping your shoes on when you heard a knock on the apartment door. "I got it, Y/N!" Jay yelled.

Well, I hoped you would because you're closer to the door than me, you thought to yourself.

Jay opened the door, and since it was exactly 7:45, he was expecting to just see Will. But, what he saw both shocked him and made him want to cry from appreciation at the same time.

Standing next to Will was Natalie and behind them was all of Intelligence and Trudy Platt and Mouch, all of Squad 3 and Truck 81 (minus Casey because he was inside), Sylvie Brett, Chief Boden, April, Maggie, Dr. Rhodes, Dr. Charles, Reese, and Noah.

"You're all here for the court case?" Jay asked, stunned.

"Well, Natalie has to testify about Y/N's deficiencies and weight loss, but yeah. It's better if the court sees that the person trying to get guardianship has a ton of support. So, I figured I'd call in reinforcements...even though I'm pretty sure my big personality is enough."

Jay rolled his eyes. "Your big ego maybe." He paused, not knowing how he was going to fit everyone in his apartment even if it was bigger than his last one. "However many of you guys can fit inside, can come in. Um, some of you might just need to meet us at the courthouse--"

"Jay, they just came now so you could see how many people were behind you. They're just gonna meet you there. Except for me. I'm driving you two." Jay furrowed his eyebrows. They didn't talk about this. "I'll explain later."

"Gabby," you said as you walked out of the bathroom. "Can you--" you stopped as you saw everyone outside Jay's apartment.

"They're all here for you and Jay," Gabby explained as she stood up. "And, you can't cry because it'll smear your makeup, so hold back the tears."

You nodded as you held them back. "Can you, uh, check the back of my hair to make sure I got it all straight?" you asked.

"Two spots are still a bit wavy. Let's go fix it so you can get going."

A few minutes later, Gabby had fixed your hair and everyone besides Will and Jay had left and were on their way to the courthouse. You slipped on a pair of black ballet flats and your coat.

Will had explained that the reason he was driving was that if Jay didn't get guardianship, he didn't want him driving in such a distressed state. Will had worked on so many patients who were in car accidents due to their emotional state and he didn't want Jay to be one of them.

"Ready?" Jay asked you.

"As ready as I'll ever be," you said as you wiped your sweaty palms on your dress.

"All you have to do is tell the truth."

***

You thought you'd be comfortable inside a courtroom because of the crime dramas you'd seen. But, standing inside one was very different from watching a fictional tv show.

No one but you, the judge, the court reporter, Peter Stone, and your dad's lawyer could be in the room for this next part, so everyone was either in a witness room or waiting outside in the hallway for the go-ahead to be let in. You would be allowed to be in the courtroom while they were talking to Jay and your dad, but they wouldn't be able to be in the room when you talked to the judge...for obvious reasons, such as influencing what you would say.

"All rise."

You stood up next to Stone as the judge, who you now knew as Judge Callahan, entered the room.

Once you sat down, you were called to the stand. "Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth so help you God?" you were asked as you placed your hand on the Bible.

"I do," you answered.

"Alright, please allow Miss Halstead on the witness stand," Judge Callahan said. "Now, I'm just going to ask you a few questions. All you have to do is answer them. Do you understand?"

"Yes, I understand."

"Okay, first question: Has your father, Pat Halstead, ever hit you or physically abused you in any way?"

"No," you answered.

"Has he ever neglected to give you necessities, such as food, water, clothing, or shelter?"

"Yes."

"Can you please elaborate?"

You did. You explained how your dad never had food in the house and would yell at you and call you a burden if you tried to eat his leftovers.

"Is it true that your father tried to break into your brother's house to get you?" Judge Callahan asked.

"Yes."

"Who do you feel safest with?"

"My brother, Jay Halstead."

"Who would you prefer to live with?"

"Jay Halstead."

***

Jay sat on the witness stand. He had answered all of Stone's questions, including all of the questions about him finding you stealing, what you had been using for pads, and what he had been told that you had been eating at your dad's house. Natalie had testified about your physical well-being, weight loss, and iron and riboflavin deficiencies. But now, it was time for Jay's cross-examination. And, he sure as hell didn't expect this next question to be asked.

"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer began, "you previously said, and I quote, that your dad clocked out on parenting you and your older brother, Will, when you were in your teens, around when you started high school. Can you elaborate on that?"

"Objection!" Stone yelled. "Relevance?"

"Speaks to a pattern."

"I'll allow it," Judge Callahan said. "Please answer the question, Mr. Halstead."

Jay nodded. "He clocked out on parenting me and Will because he said that were essentially grown men at this point in our lives, we didn't need him cheering us on or him helping us. He didn't come to a single one of my soccer games in high school. And, if by some miracle we went out for ice cream or something just me, my brother, and my dad, he wouldn't pay for ours. Said we were old enough to pay for ourselves.

"But, we had our mom. She came to all our games and school events. She made us breakfast, lunch, and dinner. If she wasn't there, I don't know what would've happened to me and Will. My dad didn't even want me to go into the military and didn't want Will to go to medical school. He said a real man went right to work. The only time I felt loved by him in all my teenage years was when I left for the military. It was like because he knew I might die over there that he figured he'd say he loved me one last time."

"Redirect, your honor," Stone said. Judge Callahan nodded at Stone. "You said that your mom made you and your brother lunch. Are you doing that for Y/N?"

"Objection! Relevance?"

"Speaks to Mr. Halstead's abilities as a parent."

"I'll allow it. Please answer the question."

"I actually do," Jay answered. "I make her a packed lunch to bring to school every day and I'm sure to add foods high in iron and riboflavin to help those levels stabilize quicker. The first time I packed her a lunch, she actually cried because she hadn't gotten a lunch from home in so long."

"Thank you."

"Mr. Halstead," your dad's lawyer started, "you were previously deployed overseas in Afghanistan for two tours of duty. While I thank you for your service, is it possible that you could have PTSD and hurt Y/N in the middle of the night?"

"I would never hurt her!"

"While you are fully conscious, maybe. But, while you are in a sleep-addled state, isn't it possible that you might think that the person waking you up is an enemy soldier and not your little sister?"

Jay sighed. No one knew this about him, not you, not Will, not his dad. No one. And now all of his family and closest friends were going to know since they were in the courtroom watching this entire thing unfold.

"I am on Prazosin for nightmares caused by my PTSD," Jay answered.

"And how long have you been on this medication?"

"For about two years."

"And this has helped you manage your nightmares?"

"Yes, very much so."

"No further questions."

***

"Jesus, Jay," Will said after you had watched your dad's testimony on why he should get to keep you. It was the usual: how he was your father, so, therefore, he deserved to keep taking care of you and it's what your mother would've wanted...despite her telling Jay to keep you safe before she died. They already had the responding officers testify about the break-in, so he couldn't deny that and he was under oath, so if anyone found out he lied, then your dad would be held in contempt.

"I'm sorry I never told you, man," Jay said. "I just, I thought of it as weak that I couldn't deal with my own shit." He grimaced when he realized he had sworn around you. "Sorry, Y/N."

"It's okay. I hear that stuff at school."

"I'm just upset you didn't tell me they were getting that bad, Jay," Will lamented. "I know I wasn't there for you a lot after Mom died, but I'm here now."

Jay nodded, and Will knew he didn't want to talk about the topic anymore. You looked through the little window into the courtroom and saw that the judge was coming back from her chambers.

"Guys, I think she's made a decision," you said nervously.

"Whatever happens, me and Jay will be there for you," Will promised.

All you could do at this point was nod, as a lump was forming in your throat from all your nerves.

Jay led you back into the courtroom and you sat at the front, between Jay and Will. You wiped your sweaty palms on your dress and Jay gave your shoulder a reassuring squeeze.

Judge Callahan stood up.

"By using the child's best interest standard of who can provide food, clothing, housing, education, medical care, and a stable home life for Y/N Halstead, I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead."

You could've sworn that you stopped breathing the second she said Jay's first name. You were so overwhelmed that you just turned to him and started crying as he wrapped an arm around you while he listened to the judge state your dad's visitation rights.

But, you didn't hear any of that. The only phrase that kept repeating in your head was I declare Mr. Jay Halstead the legal guardian of Y/N Halstead over and over again.

Now, you knew that you'd always have the necessities when you lived with Jay. You wouldn't have to worry about where your next meal was going to come from or if your dad would be out until 3 am drinking. You wouldn't have to worry about having access to tampons or pads and not be embarrassed anymore to ask for some from school if you forgot to put any in your backpack that day. But most of all, you knew that you would be loved and cared for.

A/N: Thank you so much for reading! Did I make anyone cry with this one??? The blood draw scenario was actually based on when I had to go and get my blood drawn the other day and thought I was going to pass out, which is why that scene was so long. Anyway, thank you again for reading, and please reblog/like and comment and tell me what you think! As always, if you want to be added to my taglist, just tell me and I’ll add you!

taglist: @theambracer88 @virtualreader @kelelas-life @celyndavies @brookerz122493 @musicismyescape27 @anotherfan07 @thexplosivegirl @dreamingwithlens @xoxmariaxox @onechicago18 @iamasimpingh0e

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Bearable | A Reddie Fanfiction

Read it from the beginning

Chapter 1

"Bill, why? Why would you say yes to that party? We don't know him! What if he's some serial killer? What if he tries to get us to do drugs? What if he kills us or lives in a dumpster or something?" Eddie is erratic, his drink still in his hand. They were hardly off the block of the little cafe known as Portland Authentic. Eddie hadn't been too fond of the guy behind the counter, mostly because he had written 'Eds' on his coffee cup. "I mean- we only just got to Portland and you're already going to get us killed or something!"

"Eddie, it'll be fine," Stan is the one to cut in with reassurance, taking a sip from his own cup and somehow not flinching at the taste of the straight caffeine, "Yeah, he was a little energetic but he didn't seem malicious. I think it'll be a good opportunity to get to know some new people." Eddie opened his mouth to speak, but Bill beat him to it, and no one had the disrespect to talk over Bill. That was just... off limits, so Eddie shut his mouth again and tried not to grimace.

"Buh-buh-besides," He started, one hand in the pocket of his jeans, the other soaking up the warmth of his cinnamon cappuccino, "It'll be guh-good to get out and see what kind of people Portland has to offer." With that, the discussion was closed, and Eddie let it drop with just a sigh, trying to shake away the lingering annoyance clinging to his mind. There were too many good things about Portland to worry about the bad things- in just a few days he would be working towards his dream as a doctor- he had always wanted to be a doctor. When he was younger, he had wanted his career to be within the health arena for the sake of reassuring his mother that he could take care of himself without being stuck behind a desk- now, though, he wanted to become a doctor to prove his mother wrong, to learn all sorts of things that would help him confirm that he wasn't sick, and had never been sick like Sonia Kaspbrak had said he was.

The rest of the walk back home was near silent, consisting of craned necks and obvious gawking- Portland really was gorgeous, and so different from Derry. Rather than the tiny, modest homes Eddie and his friends grew up knowing, almost everything in the downtown area was some form of 19th century architecture or something alike- each building consisted of warm tones, arched windows, grand streetlamps with pots of colourful flowers. Eddie can't even imagine what it must look like in the daylight.

"Oh, here's my work," Stan said, seeming not to have realized what street they were wandering down. The three halted outside of a small flower shop, Roses on Deane, and approached the large, open windows in the front. The lights were out inside, obviously, but it was still possible to make out the shapes of many many bouquets. Stan had managed to score a job a few months back thanks to a cousin who had a friend who owned the place, and though Stan never considered himself a huge fan of flowers, Eddie could see how the place would fit him. At least one of them had a job- Eddie shudders to think that there is yet another huge thing he needs to get done this weekend. If he doesn't have a job by next weekend then he won't be able to pitch in to help with rent. Bill, who had been working at the library back home, had been transferred here too, so he was also getting payed bi-weekly. Eddie was alone in his unemployment, but that was okay. He was smart, and efficient, and he would get a job sooner or later somewhere.

"When do you start?" He asked, finally bringing his rapidly-cooling drink up to his lips. He braced himself for a horrid taste, taking a slow, tentative sip, and almost letting a sound of approval slip past his lips. It didn't... It didn't taste horrible. Peppermint was okay, in his opinion, and it balanced out the bitterness of the coffee just right.

"Tuesday at 5:00," Stan took one last glance through the window, smiling serenely and turning to continue on to their new apartment. Again, the three fell into silence, calm and comfortable. They walked another three blocks before spotting their building, and Bill was the one to pull out an access card to scan at the door. Their bags were already up in their house, and Eddie had even made a few comments on how he appreciated the security. Electronic locks were unheard of to Eddie until today, and he was pleased. Now, he was too exhausted to be pleased. His coffee had him buzzing, and he would force himself to stay awake until his suitcase was unpacked, but he couldn't wait to curl up in his new bed, away from his hometown for the first time in years.

"We'll have to go grocery shopping tuh-tomorrow," Bill hummed half to himself as he stepped into the elevator, clicking the button labeled with a '2'. "We won't have any fuh-fuh-food. I'll buy us breakfast in the morning."

"Thanks, Bill," Stan smiles, "We can make a meal plan, budget things out. Just to make sure we can always make rent." Eddie nodded along, and took another long sip of the minty-bitter drink in his hand.

"We should go look at the campus. I want to find out where my classes are, maybe." Eddie found himself rocking back and forth on his heels, watching the little glowing number above the elevator buttons blink from 'G' to '1' to, at last, '2'. With a ding, the doors slid open, and a dim hallway was presented to them, the lights on low now that it was just about 10:00 pm.

"I want to go see Back Cove Park at some point. The bird watching is great. They have egrets sometimes, and other birds I haven't seen yet. I always go there when I visit- it's like tradition." Stifling a yawn (not because of the bird talk- Eddie was just tired) Eddie nodded his head. In all honesty, a nature walk sounded nice. Already, he was missing the Barrens, the poor dam he remembers building with Bill ages and ages ago. "It's right on the water, so we can go fishing too, or swimming if you guys wanted to. It isn't always as warm as it is tonight, and it's only getting colder, but..." Stan shrugs. They arrive at their apartment door, number 29, and yet again Bill is the one to pull out his key and stick it into the lock, giving it a twist and pushing the door wide open. Eddie steps inside first, flicking on the light and taking in the sight of his new apartment.

The door opened up into a short hallway. To his direct right there was a door leading to a small closet. A little ways ahead, the hallway broke both left and right, the left way leading to the kitchen and living room along with the doors to the balcony and Bill's room- in turn, the right way led to the main bathroom and the two other bedrooms reserved for Eddie and Stan.

"Wuh-well, I guess this is goodnight," Bill says, shutting the door behind him and kicking off his shoes, "We all have a l-lot of unpacking to do, I'm sh-sure." Both Stan and Eddie nod in near-perfect unison.

"Goodnight, you guys. Enjoy your first sleep in our new house." Stan speaks with a grin, staring at both Eddie and Bill with that intense hazel gaze that seems to communicate the intense reality of the situation. The three men had made it out of their childhood town, and now they were living on their own. They really weren't children anymore. Along with that look in Stan's eyes came a heavy feeling of bittersweetness- Derry was gone, now, and with it, Eddie's childhood. He smiled at his two best friends, and then turned down the hallway to greet his room.

-----

"Alright, that's everything," Ben says as the doors to the cafe swing shut and he locks them tight.

"Another job well done, boy! Another fantastic job, I'd say!" Richie throws one arm over Ben's shoulders, and then the other pulls in Bev by the arm. Crushing his two buddies in a double side-hug, he speaks in his almost-perfected MovieTone Newsreel Announcer Voice, disturbing the silence of the dark Portland streets, "You're both quite the caffeine-mixin' maestros, eh? You'll do great things for this world, great things!"

"Beep-beep, Richie. I'm exhausted." Beverly was smiling, sure, but Richie really could tell that she was done with today. He let both she and Ben go, toning down his behavior and pulling out a pack of cigarettes, offering one to each along with his lighter. Ben declined as politely as possible, so Richie and Bev were left to smoke without him.

"You'll get those beers for me, won't you?" Richie asks, taking a drag and relishing in the way the smoke filled his lungs. He should probably quit sooner or later, huh? Maybe one day. "I've got the cash back home. I'll give it to you and you can just go buy whatever you want. Party booze of your choice." Ben let out a chuckle, waving a hand in front of his face to show his dislike of the cigarette smoke. Richie mumbled something akin to an apology.

"Yeah, yeah, I'll get it. And don't worry about paying me back, I'll be drinking it too." Richie beamed. With a light punch to the shoulder, he turned his attention to Bev, ready to play a little bit of Cupid.

"You're coming too, right Bevvie?" He asked the question as if it were nothing, oh-so subtly bumping Ben with his elbow. Beverly shrugged.

"Probably. It's basically a sin to miss out on an infamous Tozier party, isn't it?" She placed the cigarette against her lips, and puffed out smoke right after. "What else is happening other than drinking too much and getting the Police called on us for being too loud?" Richie couldn't help but snicker at that. The Police had, on numerous occasions, been called on him for playing his music at ungodly levels, but, I mean, come on, he has fantastic taste and the world needs to know it.

"Who knows, maybe some pin the tail on the donkey? Musical chairs?" Ben and Beverly both let out a snort, the redhead spinning to face Richie with suddenly bright eyes.

"Please," She said with a wide, bright smile, "I would pay to see you get annihilated by Ben."

"Excuse me, Miss Marsh, but I pride myself on being a musical chairs master! I was unbeatable in my fifth grade class!" Placing a feign-offended hand on his chest, Richie guffawed, upturning his nose in mock disgust. Beverly was laughing now, a light and cheery sound almost like the jingling of the bell in the cafe but a little less annoying. The bell also didn't make Ben's face light up, and he didn't want to hear the bell forever.

"Probably because you were built like string cheese, Richie- No offense, of course." Beverly only laughed harder at Ben's quip, and yeah, Richie admits that it was pretty good and about 99% true.

"The best damn string cheese you've ever tasted, Haystack," Richie shot his friend a wink, lifting one foot and crushing his cigarette out on the sole of his shoe, "Now, my dearests, I must depart- nice work we did today, you two!" Richie flicked the butt away, speaking over his shoulder as he set off in the direction of home. "I'll see you both at my party!" He spins on his heel, waving Ben and Bev off with one last peace sign before continuing on into the darkness. Richie hummed a little tune to himself, a pep in his step despite his light tiredness. Oh, how he wanted to get home- the idea of cracking open a soda and sitting in front of the TV sounded pretty damn great right about now. For a Friday night the world was surprisingly quiet- the same wouldn't be said about tomorrow. Toziers were born to party. Richie's dad had thrown some ragers in his teenage days, and so had his mom- now, it was his turn to take on the family name and keep that legacy going. Other than beer he probably needed some snacks, chips or cookies or as Ben had so wonderfully suggested string cheese because who doesn't like string cheese? He made a mental note to go grocery shopping tomorrow and hoped that he didn't forget it.

Richie's apartment came into view, a pretty little six floor building made of a nice red brick. He lived on the top floor and his neighbors probably hated him for reasons that should be obvious enough but he'd yet to be kicked out which meant he still had some boundaries to push. He'd been brewing up a new party playlist for a few days now and he made yet another mental note to throw on 'Dancing Queen'. Richie's humming transformed into whistling as he pulled open the door to his building, waving to the late-night receptionist, a kind young lady who hated his guts and probably thought he was flirting with her all the time when he really didn't even swing that way.

"Good evening, m'lady," He said with a goofy, lopsided grin, earning a scowl over the top of a home-deco magazine, "Quite the swell night it is," He didn't linger long, pressing the call button for the elevator and stepping inside. He tapped '6' and waited, his spirits high, excited for tomorrow. He liked getting ready for parties. He liked the decorations he always put up, the arrangement of the snacks that he put too much thought into, and the anticipation of being the host because that always meant most eyes were on him. Up up up the elevator went, and let out a happy little ding as the doors peeled back open and he went right to his door. Richie pulled out his keys, jamming them into the doorknob and pushing the door open to reveal the space inside. "Honey, I'm home!" He called out the words, arms out at his side in a motion of grandeur. Of course, there was no response, and he kicked the door shut with his heel. Richie tossed his keys onto the little table by the door, toeing off each shoe in turn and leaving them discarded in the middle of the entryway.

"Hey there, babes," His first stop was the fish tank on the kitchen counter, packed with swimming little neon tetra and angelfish and Richie's prized bala shark he named Bella- creative, he knows- to sprinkle in some food. The little jar was just beside the aquarium, and he popped off the lid, shaking it above the open water and watching his little pals swim forth for their dinner. With his lasting grin, Richie let out a chuckle, his heart swelling at the sight of his aquatic children as he set the food back on the counter and took a step away. His own stomach let out a growl, and he realized for the first time that he hasn't eaten since after his last class, way back at 3:00. Popping open his fridge, Richie scanned it's contents- yep, he really needed to go get food tomorrow. There was next to nothing. He settled half-reluctantly on some month-old instant ramen and cooked it up with ease. Richie hadn't had instant ramen in ages, but there was a good amount of nostalgia contained within the simple dish. It had carried him through high school one plastic cup at a time, helping him fight through long nights of studying and even a nasty breakup.

The microwave let out three beeps, calling out 'Hey! I'm done, come eat me!' with each and every one. Richie ate it as he hastily cleaned up the kitchen, throwing dishes in the dishwasher and even taking the time to watch a casserole dish by hand, putting on his playlist but keeping the speakers on a low volume for the sake of his neighbors. No more than 15 minutes passed and then he was done, finally allowing himself to do what he's been anticipating all day. With a Pepsi in hand, he made the couch his home, curling up in a knitted blanket and tuning into 'Friends'. As he watched, one eye always on the TV, he snatched the black nail polish from it's spot on the coffee table and began to paint it over the chipped remnants of what was already there. At some point, after they'd dried, he ended up falling asleep on the sofa.

#Richie Tozier #Eddie Kaspbrak #reddie #it movie #it #it 2017 #it chapter 1 #it chapter 2 #it 2019 #gay clown movie #bill denbrough #beverly marsh #mike hanlon #ben hanscom #stan uris #stanley uris #stenbrough #benverly #reddie fanfiction

[fortheloveoffanfic]

Lullaby

Keanu Reeves x reader  Chapter Summary- Y/n makes complicated weekend plans, Daniel tells her how he feels and an intimate moment between Y/n and Keanu ensues.

Warnings- SMUT/NSFW

1  2  3  4  5  6  7  8  9  10  11

Chapter 12

Y/n sat on the bright white, velvet upholstered sectional in her new living room, laptop perched on her crossed legs, papers scattered around her. Y/n had only moved in about a month prior and against the walls, labelled cardboard boxes were still packed with things she’d brought over. Thankfully, the house had been furnished and somewhat decorated before her arrival. It was a nice place, though while Y/n had previously been excited to leave her childhood home, eager for the ounce of freedom that living alone would offer, she had found that it was also incomparably lonely. There wasn’t a full staff like she’d been used to at home, instead, there were two housekeepers, one that worked during the week and another for weekends, preparing meals and maintaining the interior and all in all keeping dust off the shelves. Besides the two women, both twice her age and one who barely even spoke English, Y/n was generally alone at her new house in Brentwood. Keanu had tried to spend time with her, but lately, he’d been caught up in re shoots and Daniel had been travelling between the states and Beijing for work. The thrill of dating two men, at least in Y/n’s experience, was vastly overrated. 

So, there she was, on a Tuesday night, working alone, in her halfway unpacked living room. The television was switched off and the lights were on their dimmest setting while the hum of the air conditioner was barely audible. On the reflective coffee table, Y/n’s tea grew cold and that night, same as most since she’d moved, it had been easy to get lost in her work. Her fingers glided along the keyboard, the clicking of the keys interrupting the near silence. Y/n held her lower lip between her teeth, working without even considering the time, her burning eyes only ripping away from the screen when the automatic doorbell sounded.

Strange, she wasn’t expecting anyone, especially not that late. 

Before she even considered getting the door, Y/n snatched her phone off of some scattered papers beside her, opening the app connected to the security system. Seeing who it was, she smiled despite herself, setting the computer down and heading to the front door. 

“Daniel,” Y/n giggled quietly, falling into his arms, “You’re back early.”

Daniel took Y/n into his arms, gently lifting her off the floor, kissing her slowly before setting her beneath the threshold again, “Surprise,” he chuckled, his hands in hers.

Laughing, Y/n shook her head, “Well don’t just stand out there,” slightly, she tugged on his hands, stepping back to urge him inside, but he resisted, much to her surprise. 

“I can’t stay,” and Y/n frowned when he did, “I have an early meeting tomorrow and my parents want to see me before I head home,” stepping closer to her, Daniel untangled his fingers from Y/n’s, letting his hands land on her hips, his thumbs rubbing the exposed sliver between her soft grey shorts and white vest, “And you know if I come in, I’m not gonna leave until morning.”

Groaning playfully, Y/n looped her hands around his neck, “Fine,” she grumbled, “Well did you just come here to tempt me, or…..”

“I actually came with an invitation,” he smiled down at her, “Can you get away early on Friday?”

“I don’t know, I’d have to ask,” furrowing her brows, Y/n regarded the man in her arms curiously, “What’d you have in mind?”

“Dinner,” he offered, with a grin that suggested that it was much more than that, “In Hawaii.”

Pretending to be annoyed, Y/n rolled her eyes, huffing, “How modest.”

“I know,” he chortled. When their laughs cooled, Daniel’s hands slid around to Y/n’s back, and she looked up at him, awaiting an explanation for the unnecessary splurge, “I told you that I’d take you out on the plane sometime, and I thought it would be nice for us to get away, considering we’ve both been so busy these days. Come on, I promise it’ll be fun.”

“I…..” Y/n chewed on the offer for a minute. She didn’t have anything planned that weekend; she certainly wasn’t going to spend it with her parents and Keanu was tied up in New York. Besides, it could be fun, “Let's do it,” she agreed, standing on her toes to kiss him again.

Their lips moved in tandem with each other and they forgot that they were standing outside until a ringing phone had them pulling apart, “Shit,” Daniel grumbled, fishing his cell out of his pocket, “It’s my mom,” he huffed, “Think she’ll be mad if I told her that I came to see my girlfriend before I went to see her?”

His girlfriend. The word made her breath hitch. Y/n didn’t know if that was a good thing or a bad one.

“I don’t know,” she managed to push the thought away, “But I don’t want her to start hating me, so you should see what she wants.”

“Yeah,” his smile faltered, “I should go, but I’ll see you Friday.” With one final peck, he was off, heading to his car parked in Y/n’s tiled driveway. Backing out of the spot, he waved quickly before speeding up the street. 

With a prep in her step and tingle in her veins, Y/n exuded exuberance as she made her way back to the living room, ready to pack up her stuff and head to bed while she was in a good mood instead of souring it with paperwork. Though, when she checked her phone, there were two missed calls from Keanu. They had last talked earlier that morning, before he got started at work, and suddenly missing him more than she’d realized, Y/n called him right away.

“Hey you,” she could almost hear his smile, “I was starting to think that you were already asleep.”

“Oh,” Y/n sank down, embraced by the cushions, folding on leg under herself and shoving her things away carelessly, “I was just…..in the shower,” Y/n didn’t know why she lied; Keanu knew that she was still seeing Daniel, but something about hiding the truth felt like the right thing to do. Well, the questionably right thing. 

Keanu didn’t speak for a minute, and that was how Y/n knew he was going to ask; “Are you….still in a towel?”

Snorting, Y/n rolled her eyes, “Well, aren’t you a gentleman?” She teased, knowing he’d be okay with or without a few dirty pictures. Despite her sarcasm, Keanu really was a gentleman, never pushing her to do something she didn’t want to, unless it was coercing her onto his motorcycle of course.  

“I am,” he defended in mock disdain, “In fact, I’m just reminding my gorgeous girlfriend how attracted I am to her.”

Girlfriend. There was that word again, from a different man. 

“Yeah, okay,” Y/n scoffed, “For the record I’m not.”

“Bummer,” Keanu sucked his teeth, “Hey, uh,” he began again after a moment, as if just remembering why he’d wanted to talk in the first place, “I’m supposed to wrap up filming this Thursday and the wrap party is on Saturday. I was thinking, you could fly out to New York; we could spend the weekend together and come back together first thing Monday.”

Y/n’s mouth hung agape. She’d, no less than half an hour ago, made weekend plans with Daniel. But she didn’t want to say no to Keanu either. Dinner would just be for one night anyway, right? “If you have plans-”

“I don’t,” there she went, lying again, “But I’d have to fly in on Saturday afternoon, if that’s okay.”

“That’s great,” she could almost hear Keanu’s grin, “Just send me your flight details and I’ll pick you up at the airport.”

“Awesome,” Y/n huffed. Slumping further into the chair, after that, she tried to pay attention to making plans with Keanu but her mind was on autopilot. Maybe she was wrong, maybe the thrill of dating two men wasn’t as vastly overrated as she’d initially thought. 

Four Days Later Somehow, just dinner had turned into spending the night at a luxurious presidential suite at a five star hotel on a beach in Hawaii. It had been a lovely affair; Daniel had rented out a gazebo on a hillside, peppered with lush foliage and away from the tourists. Their secluded table had overlooked the ocean from afar and the worn wooden floor had been littered beautifully with red and pink flower petals while a decorative tiki torches had the place aglow.

The plane ride had been delightful too; Daniel was no doubt a versed pilot and Y/n had spent most of the five hour flight with her gaze shifting between the marvel that was him easily controlling the aircraft and the widow next to her. There was something about sitting up front that made the experience feel totally new, and Y/n, who'd been travelling since before she could remember it, felt like it was her first time in a plane; ‘oh-ing’ and ‘ah-ing’ at every landmark visible from their distance. 

They hadn’t meant to stay the night, but things had gone exceptionally well and flying back to Los Angeles at two am was far from their minds, so instead, Y/n had led them to one of her family’s hotel’s booking them the finest suite by just dropping her name. 

When she awoke at mid morning on Saturday, groggy and squinting against the sunlight, Y/n had lazily felt around the nightstand for her cell, tumbling out of bed when she’d realized that her flight to New York was leaving from LAX in just a few hours. If she didn’t move quickly and get her two-timing ass there by two pm, she’d miss it completely, which was in no way good considering she’d spent most of the week anticipating the time spent with Keanu.

After a hurried shower and half drying her hair, Y/n slipped into the outfit she’d brought with her, in anticipation of accidentally staying over. She hadn’t really intended to, but just in case, she’d stuffed a flimsy white sundress into her large handbag, along with a pair of cute underwear and a couple other emergency essentials. When she spilled out into the living room, Daniel was standing near the window, phone held to his ear as he spoke in Mandarin. Instead of speaking up, Y/n stopped in her tracks, watching him as he continued, his muscled back turned to her. He was only dressed in his jeans from the night before, his shirt still laid discarded on the nearby sofa. One hand was stuffed in his pocket, and Y/n spent a hot minute trying to figure out what he was saying, but she had never been good with languages and all she’d ever learnt in Mandarin was basic conversational phrases in passing when her parents took her to Singapore on business before she left for college. 

When she eventually gave up, Y/n went over to the serving cart, pouring some coffee into a delicate mug before adding some creamer. After swiping up an acai bowl she headed to the little dining area on the patio. The view was, as expected, serene and undoubtedly stunning. In the near distance, Y/n could see the lush green of the gently swaying palm and coconut trees and the hotel was near enough so that she could hear the crash of waves against the populated white sand. Past the horizon, were the mountains, covered in healthy greenery, looking perfectly picturesque. Y/n’s eyes were trained on the sight past the glass framed balcony, and when a hand gently touched her shoulder, she jumped. “Sorry,” Daniel chuckled, pulling a chair close to hers before pecking Y/n’s lips. Stealing a piece of mango from her bowl, he reached across her shoulder, rubbing circles into her shoulder, “I was just on a call with my boss, they need me in Beijing again.”

“How soon?” Y/n furrowed her brows, swallowing the urge to ask him when they could head back to Los Angeles. She really didn’t want to miss her flight or disappoint Keanu, but she didn’t want to seem too hurried either, lest her parents find out that she ruined another date with Daniel.“Monday,” he sighed heavily, “There were some problems with a new model and he wants me to look at it,” dismissing it, he quickly moved on, “I didn’t know you brought this,” Daniel rubbed the capped sleeve of Y/n’s dress between his index and thumb, “It looks cute on you.”

“Thanks,” Y/n bent her head, blushing lightly, “I like to be prepared, so I brought this along just in case.”

Chuckling, he kissed her cheek, “So I was thinking we could leave after lunch, go down to the beach first, if that’s cool with you.”

Y/n hesitated, worrying on her lower as she tried to find the most pleasant way to vocalize her objection, “I actually need to get back before two, I have to be in New York this afternoon, on business,” she lied smoothly. Though, technically, it wasn’t really a lie; she did have business in New York, personal business.

“Oh,” Daniel stood abruptly, doing a shoddy job of ‘playing it cool’. He could definitely tell that Y/n wasn’t being honest with him, but neither had the courage to confront the elephant in the room, or rather, on the balcony. “Okay, well I guess we should get ready,” he smiled tightly, and Y/n watched him reenter the suite through the screen doors, wishing that there was a better way to do what she had just done.

They touched down at a private terminal at LAX, just minutes before one. Thankfully, Y/n had gotten her assistant to pick up her bags from her house and bring them to the airport. After collecting her stuff and changing quickly in the bathroom, going from her light sundress to a pair of black ripped jeans and a simple blouse with a stylish, grey, long coat over it and a pair of sleek black heels. Surprisingly, Daniel had stayed to walk her to check-in, though, when they neared the line, he stopped her, “I had a lot of fun last night,” he offered, though it seemed to come with hesitation; as if it were supposed to followed up with a cliched ‘but’.

Y/n nodded, glancing at her round-faced, designer, diamond encrusted watch, seeing that it was almost time for boarding, “I did too,” she smiled halfheartedly, trying to quell her impatience. 

“Good, good. I’m glad,” Daniel stuffed his hands into his pockets, moistening his lips, “I know you’re going to see him,” he finally admitted, “And I know that you can do whatever you want, because really, it's your life and-”

“Daniel, can we-”

“Just, let me say this? Please,” his eyes pleaded with hers, asking if she’d spare him five more minutes, “I really, really like you, Y/n and I think that we could be good together. But I don’t think I can prove that to you when I’m still trying to win you over. I’m not asking you to never see him again, and I don’t need to know who he is, all I’m asking is that you think about, please?”

Taking a steadying breath, Y/n nodded slowly, tucking some hair behind her ear, “Yeah,” already, there was turmoil in her mind, especially when the realization suddenly hit her; there was no way for all three of them to leave that situation unscathed. Someone was going to get hurt, and it was all her fault, “Okay.” nothing but their lips touched as she bid him goodbye, the click of her heels drowned out by the excitement around them, though none of it was enough to overpower her troubling thoughts.

Even when Y/n was walking through JFK, Daniel’s words swam in her busy mind, though, it only took seeing Keanu waiting near the foot of the escalator for them to be pushed away. Nearly dropping her luggage, Y/n ran straight into his arms, giggling when he lifted her off the floor, “I’ve missed you,” she breathed into his neck, quickly comforted by his scent of cologne and cigarettes. 

“I’ve missed you too,” Keanu’s grin was wide and even when he set her down, his hands lingered at Y/n’s waist, though, after a quick look around, he pulled away, “I’d kiss you, but I don’t think that would be our best idea.”

Y/n laughed quietly; she knew he was right. Hugging was bad enough, but if someone caught a picture of them making out, she’d never hear the end of it. Careful not to look too intimate, Y/n let Keanu take her bag, walking alongside him as they made their way to the underground parking lot. 

The lighting in the garage was dim and blue-washed. They could have kissed or really, whatever they wanted, right there, but it was only after they were secured safely in the back of a heavily tinted SUV did Keanu pull Y/n to him, his lips crashing to hers. Y/n shifted, folding one leg on her seat, letting the other hang limp as she tossed her arms around Keanu’s neck. “It’s been weeks,” she sighed against her lips.

“Tell me about it,” one of Keanu’s hands tangled in Y/n’s hair, the other secured at her waist, “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“So am I,” Y/n giggled, kissing Keanu again. They spent the rest of the ride cuddled close, and by the time they got to Keanu’s New York floor-through apartment, it was just in time to get ready for the party. It was a nice building, in a cushy, comfortable part of the city that was spared from loud, unnecessary noise at night, standing tall among a row of other residential buildings on one side and a hotel and a couple high-end restaurants on the other. 

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Mere hours after landing in New York, Y/n was showered and changed into a iridescent, shimmery, two piece dress with a strappy ‘x’ at the back and a fitted skirt that sported a dangerous slit on the left side. She’d even squeezed in time impeccably do her make-up and hair. Her question had come when Keanu was helping her out of the car, his hand firmly gripping hers.

“Yeah,” Keanu shrugged, reeling Y/n in as they walked through the doors of the rented out venue; a local club in the city. Just as they did, security double checked the list, ensuring that it was actually Keanu and that he’d indicated that he was bringing a guest. “There’s enough security, no paps are allowed in and we don’t have to take pictures if we don’t want to. It’s gonna be fine babe,” Keanu pressed a chaste, reassuring kiss to the top of Y/n’s head.

Y/n looked up at Keanu through her lashes, in awe that he could ease her worries with just a few simple words and a quick peck. It was one of the many things that had her affections for him growing deeper. Keanu wasn’t a lot of things, he wasn’t the safe choice, he wasn’t the logical one either. But he was the man that thrilled her by just holding her hand, the one who’d recently started calling her every night, like clock work before she went to bed and the one that was almost always on her mind

Keanu wasn’t a lot of things, but he was the man that Y/n-

“Beer or a cocktail?” Keanu disturbed her thoughts, just as they found themselves a couple seats.

“Whatever you’re having is fine,” Y/n smiled, pecking him on the lips just before he left. When Keanu later returned with a couple mixed drinks, he handed one over and they began their night; he introduced Y/n to his friends and co workers, they drank and she heard some stories from set all while losing track of time.

When Y/n and Keanu stumbled back into his apartment, it was past two am. Y/n was still giggling at a joke that Keanu had told and after he locked the front door, they trudged to his large bedroom, the pale yellow light adding a warm glow to the rustic decor as he flipped the switch. “I’m tired,” Y/n stretched dramatically, only letting her hands fall to her sides again when Keanu came over to do the back fastenings of her outfit.

Chuckling at her behavior, Keanu kissed her cheek just before he pulled away, getting undressed himself, “Well why don’t we just get ready for bed and call it a night?”

“That sounds amazing,” Y/n slurred plopping onto the bed to get out of her heels, tossing them aside before getting up and heading to the bathroom, to take off her make-up before her shower. 

Getting ready for bed had felt like a trying process, but finally, Y/n was clad scantily in one of Keanu’s t-shirts and a pair of panties. The water had seemed to rinse all her tire away and crawling in next to him, she started peppering kisses along Keanu’s neck, her fingers tangling in his hair. 

Rolling them over so he was on top, Keanu’s hand snuck beneath the over-sized jersey, a palm splayed on her stomach gently pressing her to the mattress. Giggling at his sudden movements, Y/n crooked her legs, her flat of her heels pressing into his calves. “I thought you were tired?” Keanu smiled down at her, dark strands curtaining his face.

When her laughter died down, Y/n’s hands slid up his back, moving to brush Keanu’s hair out of his face. Sliding one arm around the back of his neck, her fingers pressing into his skin, she tried to pull him down to her, “Well now I’m not. Are you?”

“Not particularly,” underneath the navy t-shirt, Keanu’s hand found one of Y/n’s breasts, while the other held up his weight, pressed into the mattress, “What did you have in mind?” His fingers toyed with her nipple, and her back arched involuntarily, her dampening center barely brushing his crotch.  

“I think you know,” Y/n’s words were a shuddering breath and Keanu bent, sucking spots into the area just below her jaw. Her hands found the elastic waist of Keanu’s sweats, pushing them down, the tips of her toes aiding in shoving them completely off. As his lips traveled down her jaw, his trimmed beard scratching her skin, Y/n circled his crotch, rubbing him to life- which didn’t take very long. “Ke,” Y/n moaned, just as he’d gotten her out of the t-shirt, returning to his ministrations.

Keanu just hummed in response, his hand travelling to rub Y/n’s cilt through her panties just as he took one of her breasts in his mouth. She ground on his fingers and eventually, he helped her out of them, his fingers slipping into her soaked folds, his hazy vision focused on how her mouth hung open, her already cloudy mind fumbling for words.

“Keanu,” Y/n mewled, her hips bucking towards his, “I don’t wanna wait tonight,” her pleas were low and needy, “Please.”

Steadying her at the hip, Keanu entered her slowly, admiring the way she threw her head back, exposing her love-bite riddled neck, jaw slack. One of her hands stayed at his back and the pads of her fingers clung to his skin, while at her side, Y/n held a fistful of the beige duvet, squeezing tightly. As he rolled his hips at a leisurely pace, Keanu lowered his lips to hers, their noses and foreheads pressed together as he swallowed up her moans, his grunts contained in his throat.

Things felt different that night, deeper. Past the tangible, Y/n felt like there was more between them, something that gave her the best tingle in her toes and sent pleasurable shocks up her spine. There was nothing hot and heavy about the experience and while sex with Keanu was always phenomenal, what they were doing that night wasn’t just sex. There with him, feeling the friction that his throbbing cock created as it pumped in and out of her slick folds was almost secondary to the feeling of just being connected to him. It was euphoric.   

“I’ve missed you,” Y/n mumbled, his lips still a hair apart from hers, “God, Ke, I’ve missed you all week.”

Smiling softly, Keanu breathed against her lips; he’d missed her to, more than he figured he was. His waking thoughts of her had gone from being lustful to simply just wondering if she’d had a good day, and hoping that she was thinking of him too. That night, Keanu wanted to show Y/n; not how much he worshiped her body, but how much he cared for it, how something as simple as her existence made him feel. “You’re…..” his breath was ragged as he felt the first makings of Y/n’s orgasm; her moans getting louder and her body tensing up beneath his, “You’re so perfect baby.”

Pressing the sides of their faces together, Keanu breathed the scent of her coconut shampoo as she whimpered quietly, her body quaking with pleasure, her free hand flying to his back. Y/n clenched around him, her walls contracting and her breathing ragged as sticky heat spilled out of her core. Like that, he could feel the hassled thumping of Y/n’s heart and her hot breath on his neck. It was enough to throw Keanu over the edge, moaning Y/n’s name, along with a string of obscenities into her ear, as he shot his seed into her. Keanu’s thrusts went rigid as he rode out both their highs, kissing Y/n passionately. Even after they were done, they stayed like that, still tangled as their breaths slowed and it was a short while before he eventually pulled out, rolling on to his back.

By the time they were cleaned up, Y/n was half asleep, her eyes slipping shut as she curled up against Keanu, cheek over his heart, her hair fanned out on his chest and one leg hooked over his thigh. Keanu held her close, pulling the sheets over their bare bodies, his tired eyes fixed on the beauty in his arms. “Goodnight baby,” he hummed.

It took a minute, and Y/n seemed to be mostly asleep as she shifted against him, humming contented, “Keanu….” she mumbled drowsily, her eyes still shut. Keanu emitted a sound of question before Y/n continued, though he didn’t think she heard it, “I love you.” 

At first, Keanu got to thinking that his ears and tired mind had betrayed him, but it couldn’t have been anything else. Three little words that he hadn’t thought of until then. They made his heart flutter and drew a sleepy smile from his lips. Craning his head, Keanu kissed the top of Y/n’s head, he was almost sure that she hadn’t registered what she’d just said, but it was a moment he would treasure forever, and even though Y/n seemed to be sound asleep, Keanu returned, “I love you too Y/n.”

******

Tagging- @harrisongslimited​  @paanchu786​  @baphomentwolf666  @a-really-bi-girl​  @sdaff2 

#Keanu Reeves #Keanu Reeves x reader #Keanu Reeves x you #Keanu Reeves fanfic #fanfic #john wick #john wick x reader #john wick fanfic #lullaby #Keanu Reeves fanfiction #fanfiction #ff #john wick x you #fluff #fic #lullaby chapter 1 #series

[reecedarlene]

4/20/2018 -  After work, a friend I’m getting closer every day with (by bonding over our toxic relationships with our mothers) came to visit from out of state.  We met, went out to dinner, and I stayed out from 5:30 pm to 9:00 pm (sorry to our waitress)

Then after getting home I played on my Playstation 4 until about 11 pm when my ex who recently found some of my childhood books that apparently have been in the trunk of his car for the last year and a half since we broke up.  I drove over to his house, not knowing just how large the box was.  After retrieving my beloved Animorphs books, we talked.  We talked about everything, good and bad, our lives now, our lives before when we were together, and it was midnight.  So he asked if I just wanted to go get coffee, he’d drive, he’d pay (I didn’t bring my purse he literally lives 20 feet from my apartment).  So we went to get coffee, it was casual, it was safe, but I knew it was inappropriate.  I couldn’t help it, I’m so fed up with my current boyfriend and it doesn’t matter how many times I try to leave him he just won’t go...  I got home that night at 3 am

4/21/2018 -  I had set an alarm the previous night to get up at 9 am because of a “$5 a Bag” booksale at the local library.  The alarm went off, and even though I am usually ecstatic on weekends when the boyfriend isn’t there because it means I can do whatever I want without having him checking in on me and being upset I’m not spending time with him.  But that 9 am alarm went off and I was Just So Tired.

I woke up feeling exhausted, conflicted, and overwhelmed.  Like a 25 year old failure for sitting in this 2-bedroom apartment I can barely afford and do not  need, with more debt than I can manage, in a relationship with someone who doesn’t love me or respect me enough to Just Get A Job, and I just didn’t want to get out of bed.  But I knew if I didn’t get out of bed, if I just laid there and put on Friends reruns and stayed under my soft blanket - I’d hate myself.

So I got out of bed.  I put on a Boy Meets World T-shirt, and brushed my hair, and I went to the book sale.  I had other plans that day, too.  Meeting with a friend for Bubble Tea, going thrift shopping, it was a day filled with all of my favorite things.  But even as I was skimming through book spines I wanted to go home.  I was waiting for a text from my - notoriously flaky - friend saying “So sorry, girl, but I’m so busy, I can’t do Bubble Tea today” but it didn’t come.  Instead I got text from my boyfriend, complaining that his friends “value the Magic Card Game more than his friendship, that he wants to just come back tonight, that he hates being away from me, that he hates being around his mom, hates his fake friends, hates everything”.

“I’m sorry :( “ I texted back because what can I say?  What can I do?  I can’t fix what’s wrong, I can’t fix how he feels, I barely got out of bed this morning.  So I filled my bag, I paid my $5, the guy who accepting my cash tried to goad me into buying more books but I know in my heart, I shouldn’t have even bought these books seeing as how I have books I bought in 2003 I still haven’t gotten around to reading...

I got in my car, and it was a beautiful spring day.  60 degrees in Michigan, no rain clouds, no threat of snow, the sun was out, there was a breeze, you could keep all the car windows down.  A day like this would usually make me so happy.  But I checked my phone again, still hoping for a cancellation text.  “Hey, girl, what time are we meeting?”  “Is 2:00 too late?”  “No that’s fine :) “  The clock read 11:45 am.

So I texted another friend, a friend in a volatile relationship, a friend who’s kids I had found books at the sale for anyway, so I texted her “Hey, can I swing by for a few?  Just to drop off books and kill some time?”  “Absolutely I’ll be home in 10″.  So I went, spent 2 hours talking to her, her husband, her kids, and petting her Australian Shepard.

A third friend texted “What are you doing today?”  “Meeting for Bubble Tea at 2″  “Can I come?”  “Sure!  Pick you up at 1:45″  This might seem insane, already I’ve socialized with 6 people in a 24 period of time but this is me, this is my element, and usually I’d be so excited but I still just want to go home, get back under my covers, order in food, and ignore the Friends reruns on Netflix.

I pick up the friend, I drive to the city where the Bubble Tea is sold, and the friend I’d been waiting on all day to cancel plans says “I’m running behind but I’ll be there.”  So we sat in my car for an hour, windows, down, talking about all that’s wrong in our lives so that by the time the friend I initially made these plans with shows up, I’m talked out.  But I still want Bubble Tea, so we still go in, we order, we talk until 5:00 pm

Flaky friend and I had planned to go thrift shopping, but now she’s saying she’s going to her mom’s after tea to go watch The Greatest Showman.  I don’t complain, because I expected something like this, and the other friend is with me anyway so we’ll just go like we always do anyhow.  So we say our goodbyes after continuing to talk outside for 30 minutes.  Then the friend I picked up and I go out to eat, go to a few stores, and I finally get to go to bed without feeling guilty - 9:00 pm. 

But when I walk in the door, I remember...the cat needs wet food today, and the rats’ cage needs cleaning which I tell myself I’ll do tomorrow, I need to go pick up my birth control, I tell myself I’ll do that tomorrow, I need to do laundry - I’m 3 weeks deep and I’m out of underwear and clean pants.  I know that if I don’t do my laundry tonight there’s a really solid chance I won’t do it tomorrow...so I start laundry.  I tell myself I’m being smart.  My apartment building has 3 washing machines and 3 dryers, if I just haul down all of my clothes I can certainly get 3 loads done in 2 hours and it’ll only be 11:00 pm and I can feel good knowing it’s done.

After I put soap and clothes in all three washers I realize...one of the washers is jammed and won’t accept quarters.  So my single cycle plan turned into two cycles because the clothes are already soapy and down there.  I finish laundry, washed, dried, folded, and put away at 1:00 am

4/22/2018 -  Sunday morning, with no alarms, I wake up at 9:30 a.m.  I have a "Good morning” text from my boyfriend.  I know that if I check Facebook and the “Active” sign lights up and I don’t text him he’ll ask too many questions about why I didn’t text him when I first woke up.  “Good morning, how’d you sleep?”  “Like shit.  You?”  “Ok I guess.”  “When is your friend coming over?”  “IDK she’s spending time with her grandma first.”  “Oh, okay.  I guess my friends are coming.  No one said anything to me.  I’m pissed.  I don’t want them here.”  “I’m sorry.  I just texted my friend, guess she’ll be here at 2″  “Cool”

He stopped texting for a while, which I was thankful for.  I knew I didn’t have anything I had to do until 2 pm.  So I didn’t get out of bed.  I didn’t even get up to pet the cat, see the rats, check their food or water, I just turned on Friends reruns and let myself fall naturally in and out of consciousness.  Around 11 pm another text came through “How are you baby?”  “Fine.  You?”  “Okay, bored.”  “I”m sorry”

I knew I had to get up, I told myself I’d clean the rats’ cage today.  It wouldn’t be fair to let it go a 3rd week because I’m depressed and don’t want to do it.  So I got up, I put the rats in their play pen, I changed their bedding, wiped down their cage, replaced some fleece covering the wire platforms, moved things around, fresh food, fresh water, and put them back in their homes.  I cleaned the cat’s litter box, put in new litter, gave her wet food and fresh water.  Washed my hands and decided to reward my efforts with Wendy’s.  

So I changed my clothes, even put on a bra, but no socks, and drove the 8 minute round trip to Wendy’s for chicken sandwiches and fruit tea.  I brought my reward back to bed.  I checked my phone, hoping my friend would be too tired to come over after seeing her grandma, too busy, too much to finish on a Sunday.  She didn’t.  So after I ate I just laid back down in bed and waited until 1:30 pm when I did get a text.  “Done early!  Can I be there in ten?”  “Sure :) “ and I finally got up and went to sit on the couch for the first time all day.

It was good that she came, we talked, caught up on the months it’d been since we’d seen each other.  I didn’t know how long she’d stay, when 8 pm rolled around I was surprised.  I was trying to hold out until 10 pm so I could suggest going to Applebee’s for half off appetizers since I hadn’t ate since noon.  Around 8:30 I get a call from another set of friends asking if I wanted extra company and a surprise.  I didn’t really...but my curiosity got the best of me, since the friend refused to tell me who the surprise guests would be.

When they got there, with a Monster Energy I requested, I saw a friend I hadn’t seen in person since 2009.  I was so excited to see him, and his husband, and everyone else.  My apartment felt full and homey and good.  But there was still this part of me that wanted to go to bed.  But I pushed through like I’d been doing all weekend, because I was also so very excited to see this person who lives out of state who I very well may never see again.  We all talked, caught up, reminisced.  The friend who had been there since 2 stayed far later than even she had intended.  Suddenly it was midnight and of course everyone was tired and worn out and it was time to go.  The first friend stayed a little while longer, I wasn’t trying to push her out the door, but then it was 1:00 am and we both knew we’d regret being up any later.

I didn’t mention to my boyfriend a few things this weekend.  I didn’t mention my ex.  I know he’d have told me to forget the books, that seeing my ex wasn’t worth it, that I’d be disrespecting him.  Maybe he’s right, maybe that’s a fair assessment but I just didn’t care.  And I didn’t want to fight about it.  I didn’t tell him my friend tagged along for Bubble Tea.  It’s harmless, but he always acts - strange - when I don’t tell him every detail of what happens when he’s not around.  I didn’t tell him 4 more people showed up at my apartment Sunday night.  For the same reason as above but also 2 of the people are in a homosexual relationship, which shouldn’t mean anything, but it does to him.  Or he’d say, gay or not, there were 2 “strange” men in my apartment when he wasn’t there.  And even more, one of those men is transgender.  He’d have so much to say.  And that on top of all of his already hateful texts to me about his own true friends.  I just didn’t want the fight.  And even if it shouldn’t be a fight, it would become one and I was just so tired.

But since I was lying by omission...I had to clean the apartment.  Put away extra chairs and games pulled out for the bigger group.  Hide all evidence of there being more than one visitor that day.  Because I just didn’t want the hassle of him questioning things when he came back the next day.

I finally got to bed at 3 am.  The excitement having worn off, and just being so fucking thankful to have a nice cool bed with a nice soft blanket to get into after this weekend.  Wishing there was some way to stop 8 am from coming.

#reece darlene #personal #real life #blog #diary #journal #long #depression #power through #long weekend #friends #busy #busy body #overdrive #system failure #for future reference #lying by omission #lying #deceitful #good friend #bad girlfriend #bad boyfriend #tired #just so tired #just get out of bed #get out of bed #hard to get out of bed

[capsicletho]

I Can’t Make You Love Me

…if you don’t. You can’t make your heart feel something that it won’t.

a Tony Stark series; author: @clareae | chapter 04

trigger: none

word count: 1853

summary: Reader and Tony found comfort in each other while they were trying to mend their own broken hearts.

a/n: I’m sorry for not updating in sooooo long, but my writing muse up and jumped out of the window one day and i just can’t bring myself to continue the series. But I know I have to finish this so here’s the fourth chapter. I promise it’ll get more fun after this! 

masterlist | ICMYLM directory | previous chapter

As soon as the alcohol entered your system, you were already less ladylike than you usually were when you’re in front of the other Avengers. All these times living in the tower, you have always tried to keep a distance from them; not far enough that you’d be strangers–after all you are living under the same roof–but just enough that you wouldn’t be too close. Even after a few months you still felt like an outsider and you were scared to disturb them with your presence. You know that they would need to go on a mission in a blink of an eye and you don’t want to be in the way, that’s why you’d rather keep to yourself.

But this time, with Tony and the help of a glass of his expensive bourbon which has helped with taking your mind off the fact that Steve haven’t been around as much as you liked, you were able to let yourself loose.

You sipped your bourbon and laughed. “I feel like every child has an obscure dream of their future except for you,” you commented at Tony’s admittance that he always knew he wanted to be like his father–inventing things that would benefit other people. “I wanted so desperately to be a princess. I had all these tea sets and tiaras and frilly gowns. I even joined a toddler pageant once,” you chuckled, reminiscing your childhood. You paused before adding, “I literally forced my parents to attend my tea party which was held every Saturday at 5 PM. I was really serious about that occupation.”

Tony smiled; a hint of sadness was shown across those eyes. Even when the lights were dim, you can still see it. Maybe he was thinking of how he didn’t have that kind of childhood; how his father was always a bit distant from him. 

You cleared your throat and changed the subject, “But anyway that dream went away by the time I was six or seven. I was already in girl scouts then and we had to sell girl scouts cookies, and there was these group of boys who would continuously bully me and my friends. They’d steal our cookies, sometimes he’d be subtle about it, but other times he’d take it and run away. So then, naturally, I wanted to do karate so I’d know how to defend myself–my idea of defending myself was a bit askew then. My dad, who was once in the army taught me some defense moves, and I remember that a few months before I turn seven he did it again, but I was quick to grab him by the back of his shirt and he lost his balance and fell. I sat on top of him and pried the box of cookies he stole from us and then hit him in the head with it a couple times; then I ripped open the box and just stuffed the cookies into his mouth.” You were bursting with excitement as you told the story; your hands were moving around and your eyes were lit up.

“It was really violent,” you laughed, watching Tony slap his knee as he laughed. “After that incident my mum took me off girl scouts and then she put me in ballet class so that I would leave all my boyish attitudes and be graceful,” you exaggerated the last word and said it how your ballet teacher used to say it. The two of you were quiet for a bit, the laughter dying down, but then you spoke up, “I think if I didn’t become a lawyer, I would become a ballet dancer instead. I loved doing it, I don’t know why I stopped,” you smiled.

:I think you’re a pretty good lawyer,” Tony said sincerely.

"How would you know?” You asked, genuinely curious.

“Oh, I know,” he nodded slowly and smirked.

“Oh God,” you rolled your eyes and laughed; somehow you knew that he must have also done research on your career when he said he’d find out about more about you. “Is there anything about me you don’t know?” You asked.

“I know you used to be a cheerleader. You did some good backflips,” Tony smirked. It seemed like it amused him to be able to drop snippets of your life and surprise you to how he was able to do it.

“No way. Don’t tell me there’s a video,” you gasped a bit.

“There are plenty of those. You should really use JARVIS to his full potential, not just to have him tell you the time,” Tony chuckled.

“You must have plenty of down time to have stalked me that much,” you teased.

“Eh, between innovating suits and finding Loki’s scepter, there’s really not that much going on for me. It’s all in Pepper’s hands,” he shrugged. He looked at the time, which prompted you to do the same.

“Is that really the time?” You asked rhetorically, gradually feeling the impending exhaustion that you’ve subconsciously been feeling all day. “I need to head to bed or I’ll pass out on the couch,” you chuckled. You stood up too quickly, almost losing your balance, but Tony was quick to grab your arm so that he could steady you.

“You need me to walk you to your room?” He asked; half-serious, half-mocking.

“I’ll be fine,” you laughed as you regained your footing, gingerly walking back to your room.

You woke up the next day and realise that it was a Saturday which meant that you didn’t have to go to work–which is lucky too, because it felt as if your brain was trying to break free from your skull, judging by the way your head was pounding so much. You have no idea how Tony might have endured all this; he drank so much more than you last night. Reaching over, you grabbed the glass of water on your nightstand–it has been a habit of yours to keep water there and today, you were thankful for it. You drank the entire content and forced yourself up, drinking the entire content and then heading to the bathroom. You squinted as you turned the lights on, but then your eyes adjusted quickly.

You pulled your hair back into a bun and splashed your face with cold water. Ten minutes later, after a failing effort to make yourself look less dishevelled than you really are, you made your way to the kitchen, searching for coffee. You decided you need to eat some greasy food to make the hangover go away, so you cooked some bacon and eggs and then sat around on one of the stool, propping your chin up on the kitchen island while slowly munching on your food.

“Good morning, sunshine,” a witty voice called out.

You groaned, “You need to teach me how to not get hangovers,” and then let out a chuckle at the end. You watched as he poured the last of the coffee pot into his mug.

“I do get hangovers, I just don’t show them,” a glimpse of his playful smirk was visible on Tony’s lips just before he sipped on his morning coffee. He then stole a piece of bacon from your plate, munching on it–somewhat it reminded you that you haven’t touched your food as well.

“Did I hear you two laughing at three in the morning?” Natasha walked in and sighed as she started to brew another pot of coffee. You grimaced at Tony, knowing that he should’ve filled up that pot, but he didn’t look too bothered. After the coffee pot started brewing, the redheaded assassin turned around and leaned against the counter, “So, what are you both doing at three in the morning?” She smirked.

“Since when are you so nosy?” Tony remarked at her, placing his cup of coffee down.

Natasha shrugged, “Just making sure (Y/N) is being careful, hanging out with an pompous alcoholic at three in the morning,” she smirked at you. You couldn’t help but smile back.

“Don’t worry, he was uncharacteristically tame last night,” you somewhat defended Tony; after all he did help you take your mind off things, and you remembered you haven’t thanked him.

“Ooh, be careful, (Y/N). That means he wants something,” Clint chimed in from behind you and from over your shoulder he grabbed a piece of bacon from your plate.

“Need I remind you that the lady is taken by the Capsicle,” Tony scoffed.

“Aw, don’t sound so bummed old man,” Clint replied. You were enjoying their playful banters, and just when Tony was about to say something witty back, it was interrupted by JARVIS. You were slow to pick it up, but you finally understood.

Apparently on one of Steve’s journey on finding Bucky while also looking for the missing Asgardian scepter, he found a HYDRA base that housed it in Sokovia, and that’s why he wanted the Avengers to assemble as soon as possible. With that, the Avengers who were sitting around you immediately got up and got ready in lightning speed; it was like your world was buzzing and just like that they were climbing into the Quinjet parked on the helipad–or Quinjet-pad, whatever it was called.

You remained seated on your stool as you witnessed the entire thing; usually you’d be saying goodbye to Steve, but this time he wasn’t there. But just before Tony climbed on board, he stole another piece of your freshly-cooked bacon–not because he was hungry but just out of habit, since that was what he and Clint has been doing all morning–and jogged up to the pad, “Bye, (Y/N)!” He called out.

You smiled, “Bye,” you trailed off just as the Quinjet’s doors closed. The minute the aircraft took off, you can feel the emptiness and the silence of the tower dawning on you. You realise how quiet it was without them there; not that you’ve never been alone in the tower before, but usually you weren’t that close to the Avengers.

You’ve always maintained a safe distance from them–not too far that you’d be strangers, but just enough so that you weren’t too close. Somehow, you still feel so out of place in this tower, and if it weren’t for Steve begging you to come and stay with him in the tower–not that he was here often ever since he found out about Bucky–you wouldn’t even think about the idea of staying here. Every time, you feel as if you’ll be in their way or something and that’s why you preferred to keep to yourself, but today’s playful little banter and last night’s drunken conversation with Tony told you that you have nothing to worry about; just like Steve said, they would probably like having you around to chat with–someone with no superpower like them and someone ordinary just to keep them on their toes.

“JARVIS,” you called out to the AI. “Tell me about Sokovia.” You never tried to look up the things they do other than the stories Steve would tell you, but somehow today, you found yourself immensely interested to find out more about their mission.

#tony stark #robert downey jr #steve rogers #tony stark x reader #chris evans #avengers fanfic #avengers x reader #tony stark fanfic #steve rogers fanfic #steve rogers x reader #icmylm

[seoulmate-fics]

Promises - Rap Monster (BTS)

Prompt: Rap Monster, your childhood friend finally meets with you after many years. But after seeing you once again, feelings start to change and memories start to become something you’d never expect.

genre: angst

word count: 2957

“You’re addictive, just like nicotine.”

Seven years.

Seven years of watching the love of your life feel more and more distant from you with every step.

84 months of being by your side no matter what, even when everything turned into turmoil.

2,555 days of barely seeing them smile no matter what you did or how much you loved them, despite not having the same feelings back.

That’s how it felt for Kim Namjoon. The boy who grew up into the genius of a man that you know today. He loved you like no other, took care of you like no one else could.

When your grandmother passed away due to illness, it seemed like there was nobody else there next to you. Your parents were divorced at the time. Your mom? Always working. Your dad? Always gambling and drinking, always seen with other women. But you? You were an only child who relied on only yourself up until the day you met Namjoon. You had never opened up to anybody. On rare occasions you would vent about something small to him but nothing major. He knew about your living situation and the way that only your grandmother took care of you. But he never felt like he was in the right place whenever he saw you crying. He never felt up to that level. That is.. Until he finally saw you again.

You were now 21 years old. You were in your third year of college, trying to major in communications. Like every other typical student in university, you were stressed out of your mind. Sleepless nights, constant deprivation of coffee and vitamins; it seemed like nothing would fix your situation. You were already taking medication for the anxiety and depression you’ve been dealing with for the past couple of years. Midterm season was your biggest enemy. Of course, you still vent to Namjoon, despite taking different career paths. He too had to deal with sleepless nights. Constant bickering with the members of BTS when it came to practices and some fans interrogating him here and there.

After a few lonely years, you two were able to have a decent conversation on the phone that didn't involve distractions from the world around. You called him within the brief hour of midnight, right after you finished studying and after he finished working in the studio. He saw your familiar name and picked up after three impatient rings.

“Hello?” he tried to not sound too excited to finally hear your voice after so long.

“Hey Namjoon, I know it's been a while but I've been meaning to call you. I know I've been lagging on it but.. hey.”

At first, it felt awkward since you two were only about sending texts every now and then. But he missed the gentle sound and tone of your voice.

You could hear his soft chuckle under his breath, “what's up Y/N? How ya been?”

“Oh you know later, typical college kid stuff. How's being an idol?”

“It has its moments. Have you been doing okay?”

And you knew what he meant by that.

“I'm fine. Just dealing with it. But uh.. I wanted to call you to ask you about something.”

His heart pounded, “yeah what's up?”

“Well, my birthday is coming up soon so I planned on having a little party to celebrate. Plus it's the end of my midterms so that's another reason.”

Of course he would never forget your birthday. He was more than ecstatic to be able to see you again.

“Sure, when and where?”

“It'll be at my place. Next Saturday at around 8? No one is going to be there that early but you know.”

You didn't expect him to give you a sure answer. He probably had a show or a performance or anything important to his career that he had to deal with.

“But if you're too tired it's alright.”

“I'll try to make it. I miss you I haven't seen you in forever.”

You smiled, “I miss you too! I can't wait to see the day where we can meet again.”

“Same with you.”

You heard his manager through the call, “Namjoon, we have to be in Gwangju for a rehearsal tomorrow morning. Get some rest.

He sighed, “Well that's my cue. I'm sure we both need to sleep. It was nice talking to you Y/N. Your voice is still as dorky as before.”

You tensed up, “hey! You're one to talk! I've seen your videos! You're the dork here!”

He smiled, “Sure sure. I'll talk to you later. Goodnight and sweet dreams Y/N.”

You smiled on your end, “goodnight Namjoon! Sweet dreams!”

Neither of you wanted to hang up the phone but you were both exhausted. You fell asleep with your phone by your side and your heart feeling a little at peace even with all the cracks in it.

Next Saturday 11:46 PM

You were having the time of your life. You were finally 22 and the end of midterms had come. Your vacation was arriving soon and you were ready to relax. But as of the moment, you definitely not relaxed. Shots of vodka were poured down your throat as your friends cheered you on from all around you. With the music blasting loud and everyone enjoying their time, you couldn't feel any sort of disappointment. Until, there was this fellow who suddenly came up to you. He was also quite intoxicated and wanted to get a little more out of this party then just to drink. You weren't really friends with him, he was just a friend of your roommate but you didn't know him too well. He threw his arm around you and pulled you in close.

“Wow Y/N I didn't know you were such a lightweight!.”

You were always busy with either work or school, it's not like you even had time to drink.

“Oh hey Hyun~ how are you feeling about the party? Having fun?” you slurred.

He chuckled, “it seems like you sure are.”

“Well yeah! It's my party why wouldn't I?”

He gave you these seductive eyes, biting his lip at how attractive you looked.

“You know Y/N.. I've always thought were a pretty cute. Especially right now..”

He grabbed you by the waist and pulled you close, “you know, I can give you a special birthday present if you want it.”

You didn't know what to say and just brushed him off with a giggle.

Then you heard someone call your name from behind the counter.

“Y/N? Is that you?”

Your face lit up from half hooded eyes and a dumb smile to an expression of excitement and nostalgia as you saw your long time friend Namjoon after so many years.

“KIM NAMJOON IS THAT YOU?”

Rap monster wasn't too popular in Korea since they were a hip hop based group but he caught the eyes of a few guests. You ran over to him, stumbled and nearly tripped, then gave him a big, tight hug. The warmth of his body was desperately needed after such a long wait to finally meet each other.

You pulled back with your hands on his shoulders, “I can't believe it's you! You made it! You're actually here!”

He couldn't help it but smile, “yeah luckily the show ended early so I was able to make it to your birthday.”

“You've had a long day! How about a shot? You HAVE to take one with me!”

Namjoon wasn't much of a drinker but there's almost nothing he wouldn't do for you.

“Okay just one. I can only stay for a little more than an hour.”

“Yay ~” you cheered happily as you poured him a drink of his choice.

He didn't take it too well. The burn of the alcohol was just one of the reasons why he doesn't drink.

“Come on Namjoon! Let's go dance!”

You pulled him away from the alcohol, getting a death glare from the boy who tried to take you away.

His body and yours were pressed against each other; as you waved your lower body against his, you could feel the heat emerge from his hands to your waist. Yes, we all knew that Rap Monster wasn't a dancer but you didn't mind it at all. You loved every little moment with him, even the crazy ones like these.

“Hey let me show you something!”

You dragged him to your room, shutting and locking the door behind you. He felt nervous, never had he been in your room alone before, you two were always out and about. You made your way to the window and opened it with a bit of a struggle but luckily it cracked open. You exhaled loudly, “wow! I can't believe we just did that! I've missed you soooo much ~”

He agreed with a laugh, “yeah, that's one way to greet each other.”

He watched as the wind blew your hair out of your face, the soft caress of the breeze against your skin made his heart stop. Even now, he still saw you as the same girl who stole his heart years ago.

And yet, just as he was about to sit next to you, he saw you pull a cigarette and lighter from underneath a pillow. A shaky breath of air left his lungs while you inhaled tobacco into yours.

“Y/N.. what are you doing?” He asked with his voice full of worry.

“Oh..” You chuckled half-heartedly, “it's a cigarette.. you want a hit?”

He walked over to you with distraught in his steps. “Y/N.. why are you smoking?”

You scoffed, “well... I've been smoking for a few months now.. ever since the stress started piling up more and more I just needed something to keep me sane for once.”

He could tell in your tone that you were sobering up from the nicotine.

“You know.. you can always tell me whatever you need to let out.. anything.”

You knew that smoking was never a good option to try to relieve all the pains that you've been keeping in. And you hated to have your best friend see this side of you.

“I'm sorry Namjoon, maybe you should've have come. That way you wouldn't have to deal with me right now.”

His heart sank into his chest, “Y/N.. please don't say that. I've missed you so much and I don't care how you are, I'll always want to see you.”

There was a silence in the room. You took another hit.

“Oh yeah? The girl you had to take care of so much is now wasted and smoking cigarettes. She can't afford to pay rent and gas but she can still spend a $5 on a measly pack of cigarettes. She's failing two of her six classes and she's about to get fired from her job. Definitely worth seeing.”

Namjoon sighed deeply.

“Namjoon, I understand if you don't want to stay. I know you need to leave and go be an idol. You don't have time to take care of someone like me.”

Hearing all of those words come out of your mouth made him restless. He was happy that you were venting to him like you used to but he was so scared to see how you'd react. But he didn't even know why seeing you in pain was something he feared.

“Look Y/N-”

“No Namjoon. Look I'm sorry for making you come all this way just to see me like this even though I should be happy..” You let out a trembling sigh as tears started to form. Your voice began to break, “this.. it's my birthday and yet I still feel as broken as ever. I still feel like the same little girl who always cried whenever she came home because her grandmother was no longer there to make her smile. Her parents were no longer together. And she was suddenly losing everyone she held close.”

“You still have me Y/N.”

“Okay and then what? You're going to forget me just like everyone else. You're going to leave and be a big idol. We'll talk less and less and soon I'll just be another fan while you become more and more successful with every breath you take.”

“Y/N I'm not going to forget you-”

“And how can you promise that Namjoon?!”

His eyes grew big in fear. You have never raised your voice at him like this. Your tears were falling harder and harder.

“It's because.. “ He sighed hesitantly.

“Because what? Because you don't think I'll remember any of the promises we made?”

His heart struck with pain and heartbreak every time you grew more upset.

He looked away from you and you felt ashamed of yourself.

“I know.. that you probably won't remember this because you're either too intoxicated or maybe you don't even want to hear it but..”

You felt your skin crawling with anxiety as you were suddenly overthinking the situation, scared of what he was going to say.

He looked up and gazed into your eyes, “Y/N.. I have always been in love with you ever since you first smiled at me. I've been wanting to keep that smile on your face ever since then. That's why I was too scared to ask what was wrong. I was too scared to throwing away our friendship if I said one wrong thing. But now that I see you like this.. I've never been so scared to lose you in my entire life.”

You felt and ache in your chest, a deepening in the cracks of your heart.

“You are the most amazing person in the world. Even through all of the pain and suffering I still see you try your hardest. You're brave Y/N. You're not weak. You've never been weak. I told you a long time ago that I would protect you no matter what happens.. and I'm definitely not stopping now.”

You couldn't believe the words that came from his heart and mind. He was always there for you but you never realize how much of him was there. You hated so much of yourself and yet he loved every scar, every mistake that you had because he knew that there's never going to be another person like you.

You put out the cigarette and felt your body weaken and shake. Namjoon couldn't bear to see you in this state and pulled you close to him, allowing you to rest on his chest. His shirt began to get wet from your tears but he didn't mind it at all. In fact, he loved it, because you were now opening up to him. Once again, the heat migrated from his body to yours. You wanted to keep him close.

You started brushing your lips against the skin of his collarbones and made your way up to his neck.

“Y/N what are you doing?”

“I've really missed you Namjoon. I've missed everything about you. Your voice, your skin, your touch.”

A twisted knot formed in his chest as he felt both lust and shame.

“No we can't do this. You're drunk.”

“It'll be fine I promise~” you moaned into his ear.

He bit his lip, trying to hold back his moan as you gently bit the skin on his neck.

“What's wrong Joonie? Cat got your tongue?” You teased.

He wanted to touch you, to kiss you but he knew that it wasn't the right to do. If you two were to ever make love, this wasn't the right way to start it. He held you back and saw the tears still running down your face. His eyes widened as his thumbs softly caressed your face, wiping the tears away.

“Y/N.. I want to have our first time in a better situation. I don't want you to cry, I don't want you to be intoxicated by anything. I just want you to be you. But right now you're someone else. And I know you don't want this right now.”

You couldn't deny that he was right.

“Here, “ he lifted you onto the bed and laid you down, “a lot of people have already left the party and you need to get a lot of rest.”

He grabbed some water and handed it to you, “trust me you're going to need it.”

You smiled at this side of him that you've missed so much.

“I'm going to go clean up okay? I'll be back in a bit.”

“Namjoon wait-” You pulled on his shirt.

He looked back at you with concern.

“Please.. please don't leave me.”

He smiled and sat down next to you. He brushed the hairs out of your face and wiped away another tear from your eyes.

“I promise.. that I'll always be there for you no matter what. You're my best friend and I love every little thing about you.”

Your lips formed a soft smile as Namjoon caressed your hair.

“Why didn’t I ever notice this side of you?”

“Well..” he smiled, “hopefully you’ll notice it when you’re sober. Now just relax. I’ll come back.”

“Are you sure?”

He gazed into your eyes; slowly he leaned over and you felt a heavy beating from your heart. His lips were so close to yours, you just wanted to kiss him so bad. But he left a sweet peck on your forehead. He interlocked his pinky with yours, “I promise.”

You felt this sudden change in the atmosphere. Everything felt so sane, so calm. Your mind felt so at peace with itself. And at that moment you had realized,

“Never have I felt so safe in my life until you came along.”

#rap monster scenario #bts scenario #kpop scenario #bts rap monster scenario #kim namjoon scenario #bts kim namjoon scenario