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eryiss · 3 years

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Chapter Twelve - The Epilogue

Summary: Freed and Laxus live incredibly different lives. Freed is a corporate lawyer in the capital city, and Laxus works as a handyman in a countryside hotel. Despite their differences, their lives collide when Freed inherits a house in Laxus’ village, and hires him to make the derelict building liveable. But the closer they get, the more they seem to offer each other. [Fraxus Multi-Chapter]

This was written as my admission for Fraxus Day 2020, hosted by @fuckyeahfraxus. This is the last chapter, and I hope you enjoy it. I tried with a bit more character drama in this fic, and I hope it went well.

You can read this under the cut, on Fanfiction, or on Archive of Our Own. You can find the chapter masterpost here.

Chapter Twelve – The Epilogue

Wednesday 14th April 2021

Waking up with Laxus' arms wrapped around him was something that Freed was unwilling to give up. Because it came with a feeling of safeness, a comfort that Freed could hardly put into words. It was as if Laxus was enveloping all of his senses; the touch of skin against skin, the scent of Laxus' cologne against his neck. It was an incredibly addictive feeling, but Freed was all too willing to indulge in this particular weakness.

The sound of the other man groaning awake was drowned out by the blaring of their shared alarm clock. Freed watched with partial amusement as Laxus' sleeping face crumpled up into a frown and his eyes blinked open, grogginess and annoyance in his expression.

"Y'know," Laxus croaked, half asleep still. "I don't wanna sound like a kid or anything, but waking up every morning this early is kinda shit."

"I used to picture you as a morning person," Freed teased, though a yawn affected his tone. He shifted slightly to look up at his tried boyfriend and smiled. "How naïve I must have been."

Laxus laughed gently, wrapping his arms around Freed tighter and burying his face in his long hair. Freed sighed in content, unintentionally nuzzling his nose into the crook of Laxus' neck. He blinked a few times, knowing from experience that it would be very easy for him to fall asleep again. And, as much as he really wanted to do that, he couldn't.

A lot had changed over the last three months, for Laxus as well as Freed. The blonde had decided that, although he enjoyed being the town's unofficial handyman, he wanted something more structured. Using his work on Albion House as a sort of resume, as well as a strong reference, Laxus had managed to get a job working in construction management. It was a large and important step for Laxus, and despite the early mornings, he was loving his new work.

Freed's changes had bene more emotional, and insular. His therapy had been working very well, as brutal as it could be at times. He was being told the ways in which he could improve himself, and many of them were working. He felt better about himself, his confidence seemed less forced, and his relationships – platonic and romantic – felt more intimate.

He was still unemployed, though that was his choice. He was frugal and had enough savings to keep him comfortable for half of a year, meaning he had time to search for a job that truly suited his needs and wants.

A job that he would hopefully find in Magnolia, something he'd discussed with Laxus a month after their apology.

Their conversation had been a good one. Freed had partly assumed that it would only focus on their relationship, but it had thankfully been more than that. They'd spoken about Freed's living arrangements – as he could only live with Bickslow for so long – and what he was looking for in terms of work. They'd spoken about Laxus new job and what that meant for them. And they spoke about if it was the right time for them to start dating.

It wasn't, they decided. Laxus job had begun that week, and it was his priority. And as much as Freed's therapy was helping, he was still new to it. But they both wanted more, and Freed proposed the idea of him moving to Magnolia and looking for employ somewhere in and around the town. Laxus had jumped on the chance, and Freed had moved into Albion House within the week.

Having the opportunity to see Laxus as often as he did was great. And despite their initial plan to wait another month to see if they were ready, they found themselves dating within two weeks of Freed living there.

"Eyes open, Dreyar," Freed smirked a little as he saw Laxus' eyes drooping. "You have to leave in an hour."

"Don't care," Laxus grumbled as he hugged Freed tighter. The lawyer put in no effort to fight this movement, nuzzling Laxus' chest. "Don't know why you're so excited about waking up, thought you were dreading today."

"That doesn't change the fact I have to do it," Freed whispered with a laugh, pinching Laxus' forearm and smirking when his eyes shot open in a tired glare. "Though it's true what they say, bad things do come in threes."

Coincidentally, three things that Freed wasn't at all looking forward to had fallen on the same day. After traveling to Era each week for his therapy, Freed had decided to meet Magnolia's only therapist Porlyusica; with Laxus assuring him he didn't mind Freed seeing the same person he had. Along with his first meeting with her, he also had to attend a job interview for Magnolia's most reputable law firm; it was the second job interview he'd ever been to, and he was dreading it. The third thing he had to do was have an evening with Laxus and Makarov, which was not nearly as bad as the other two, but Freed had discovered a fondness for being dramatic.

"You really think Gramps is that bad?" Laxus asked with a laugh. "I could tell him that, imagine how hurt he'd be."

"I'm sure he'd forgive me," Freed chuckled, though there was a hint of bitterness in his words. "Even if his way of doing that is making joked at my expense."

"If you don't wanna be the punchline of his jokes then you shouldn't have told him to fuck off," Laxus grinned, pressing his lips against Freed's crown in a soft kiss.

"I didn't tell him to fuck off, I told him to mind his own fucking business," Freed laughed as he shifted so his face rested on Laxus' chest. "Which, in retrospect, might not have been the best thing to do to the grandfather of the man I wished to date."

"Maybe not your smartest choice," Laxus grinned. "You know he's forgiven you though, right? Like, before you even moved here we talked, and he said he had to respect you for sticking up for me, even if he was pissed off at the time. That's basically as close to him saying that you were right you're gonna get. He's just pissing you off because he thinks it's fun."

"If you insist," Freed smiled slightly. He believed that Makarov made jokes at his expense as a form of test for Freed, making sure that he didn't prioritise his dignity over Laxus. That was a mistake he'd made once before, and didn't plan on doing again, so he could live with the tests. "What time is it?"

"Three in the morning," Laxus lied smoothly. "Let's sleep again."

To counter Laxus' insistence of them sleeping again, Freed removed himself from the blonde's grasp and left the bed; Laxus groaned at the lack of a warm body against his. With tired, slow movements, he moved to the curtains and opened them, giving him the idyllic view of the countryside. He opened the window and allowed the soft breeze to hit him, still enjoying the quietness of Magnolia even after living there for two months. Warm arms wrapped around him from behind tightly, pulling him against a strong body. A tired yawn hit his ears, and a laugh slipped through him.

"You will have to get used to waking up early at some point," Freed smiled, turning in Laxus' arms to face him. "I would have thought you'd be used to it by now."

"Thought I was, but normally you're sleeping," Laxus shrugged, a soft expression on his tired features. "It's kinda hard to get out of bed when your boyfriend is right there, looking all cute and shit. Not to mention naked," He grinned a little, and Freed chuckled. "In the past, all the good stuff happens in bed when you're naked. And when you're looking like that, anything could happen."

"Anything?" Freed chuckled. "You certainly are an optimist, aren't you?"

"Nah, I just know what you're like," Laxus grinned. "Yer just as bad as me, and you know it."

They moved in sync, pushing their heads forward and pressing their lips together in a soft kiss. It was slow, tired, and slightly sloppy, but Freed relished every moment. Burning adrenaline and passion was great, but there was something magnificent about having moments where, despite their tiredness, they could enjoy each other's company and their touch.

But the moment could only last so long, as Freed's phone blared to life in another alarm, this one he had set for himself so he wouldn't risk sleeping through Laxus'. The blonde groaned and pulled away, glaring at the device while Freed chuckled. He picked his phone up and turned the alarm off, smiling at Laxus.

"We have to start getting ready at some point," He chuckled. "As much as I'd like not to."

"Guess so," Laxus shrugged, sitting down on the bed, and groaning as he cracked his back. He glanced towards Freed a moment later and grinned. "You wanna shower first? It'll take hours to tame the rat's nest, won't it?"

"I was going to propose we shower together, actually," Freed grinned. "But after that comment, I think I can do it alone."

"Well, I mean you don't wanna be hasty," Laxus chuckled a little. "I might be able to help out."

"No, there's no need for that. After all, given how long it takes for me to 'tame my rats nest' I wouldn't want to force you in there for hours. You might get bored," Freed smirked a little, keeping Laxus' gaze. "After all, what is there to do in a shower with your very wet and very naked boyfriend to keep you distracted. No, I wouldn't force such boredom on you. I can lather myself up on my own."

"Asshole," Laxus grinned with a chuckle.

Freed went to walk to the en suite attached to his bedroom, but as he walked past Laxus his hand was grabbed, and he was pulled into the man's lap. On reflex he pressed his lips against Laxus', kissing him softly as Laxus pulled him closer.

They kissed for a short while, still tainted with their sleepiness. Once they pulled apart, they rested their foreheads together. Both men wore tired and somewhat lovestruck expressions, the incredible feeling of a soft and lazy morning kiss being new for them. Freed had wrapped his hand into Laxus' hair as they kissed and was now gently stroking it absentmindedly.

"Make sure that don't get too in your head about today," Laxus spoke softly, sincerity now in his tone. "I know you're nervous about the interview, but you'll be fine. And I know you already convinced yourself it's not gonna go well because you've not worked in criminal law before or some crap like that, but you're more than qualified to be there and you know it. You probably got a better degree that the guy who's interviewing you. So don't get all self-sabotaging, just show them how much they need you, okay?"

"I know," Freed nodded, smiling a little while leaning against Laxus. "Thank you."

"It's what I'm here for," Laxus shrugged. "You said the same thing when I went to my interview," He leant up and pressed his lips against Freed's again for a soft kiss. "And don't worry about Porlyusica. She's intense, and she can be kind of an asshole when she wants to be, but she's gonna help ya a lot."

"I know," He repeated, nuzzling Laxus slightly again but pulling away as the snooze alarm went off. "I also know that you're an annoyingly effective distraction when we need to get ready."

Laxus barked out a laugh, pulling Freed close again and kissing him, wrapping his fingers into his hair, and pulling at it. Freed grinned as he kissed back, cupping Laxus' chin and dragging him as close as he could. They remained kissing for a short while, before pulling apart with slight breathlessness. Laxus grinned a little at Freed's expression, despite being just as flushed as Freed was. He cocked an eyebrow at his boyfriend.

"You wanna reconsider you banning me from your shower?" He teased. "Because something tells me that you might."

"Animal," Freed said in response, grinning. "You utter animal."

And before Laxus could ask for clarification, not that he needed it, Freed grabbed him by the chin and pulled him into a hot, passionate kiss, and it was more than enough of an answer for him.

~~~

Sunday 8th May 2022

"Now, although we're here to celebrate my grandson, I think we should spare some congratulations for his boyfriend," Makarov spoke into the microphone. "Because with this job, Laxus will be doing less physical work, meaning he'll have a lot more energy to spend on his dear boyfriend. And after a year of putting on muscle on a building sight, I expect Freed has a lot of ideas for what that spare energy can be used for. Something I'm sure they're both incredibly excited about."

Laxus cringed, blushing as a cheer rushed through the crowd. He glanced towards Freed, to see him laughing and raising his champagne as if in a toast. Because Freed Justine was a traitor.

But Laxus couldn't help but smile at the reaction.

It was sort of a testament to Freed's growth, in a way. The fact that, in front of almost all of their friends and family, Freed was able to laugh at and indulge himself in a joke at his own expense; well, his and Laxus' expense. There was genuine enjoyment in his features as well, with honest laughter rather than forced politeness. When they had first met, he would have gotten either defensively angry or attempted to appear amused while a level of contempt grew in him. But now, his ego allowed him to take jokes. It was good, and Laxus enjoyed seeing it.

The reason for the gathering was Laxus had, after months of looking, gotten a new job. Again. Working at his construction company had been good and satisfying work, but it had awoken desire to move up the ladder. He was shockingly driven when he was enthusiastic about something.

And eventually he'd found a good job, and he was excited about it.

Having a degree in engineering, as well as work experience with Albion House and his time in construction, was instrumental in his promotion. He now was going to have a job as co-project manager in a new housing development three towns over. He was to direct the workmen on the site, while also being trained in the architectural aspects of the process with the intention being he earn a qualification in architecture by the time the estate was finished. It was perfect for him, and more than a step up form where he'd been working before.

It felt cliché to even think it, but as Laxus looked around to see the man he loved laughing with the people who had always been there for him, it felt as though the parts of his life were falling into place. It was a great feeling, to be able to sleep at night while thinking that his life was complete. Even if he had gotten there later than most might have, he was going to make the most of it.

"That's enough from me," Makarov said in conclusion. "This is all just to say, I'm very proud of the man you've become Laxus."

Makarov raised his glass of champagne, and the gathered crowd filling Fairy Tail's back garden mimicked the actions. They let out a cheer of a toast, all looking towards Laxus, who grinned sheepishly and tried to will away the blush on his face at the attention aimed at him. His eyes fell on Freed for anchorage, who was seemingly expecting this and greeted him with a soft, genuine smile that calmed the blonde.

Then he winked and the blush returned threefold, but Laxus could be annoyed about that later.

And thus, the party truly began. Drinks were pored, individual congratulations were made, and people enjoyed their time together. Throughout the night, people close to Laxus who had come to celebrate his new job congratulated him, all the while thanking Laxus for the work he had done for them over the years. It was almost emotional for him, to have people whose pathways he'd re-laid years prior, or people who paid him to remove the leaves from their guttering, treating him as if he were family. He supposed that it was one of the benefits of living in a relatively small village. He thanked them all politely and laughingly assured them that, if he had the time, he would still be happy to work on their houses should they need it.

As evening turned to night, the gathered guests slowly began to leave and return to their homes. Makarov claimed that the night was catching up on him once most of the guests had left, and retired to bed, leaving a small group of Laxus' friends sitting in Fairy Tail's beer garden.

Laxus sat on one of the picnic benches, leaning tiredly against Freed's shoulders as the alcohol in his system put him into a tired sense of lethargy; his sober boyfriend looking at him with amusement in his eyes as he stroked through the blonde hair. On the other side of the picnic table were Cana and Mirajane – now an official couple, though unwilling to admit when that had become true – who were in an equally tired state. Lisanna sat on the grass nearby, playing with one of the dogs at the adoption centre she now worked at. The only person missing was Elfman, who was obviously on his weekly Skype call with Evergreen despite both of their claims otherwise. Nobody called the two of them on their lies, because as fun as it would be, they seemed happy with their odd relationship.

"So, giving up your heritage and becoming an exec, huh?" Cana grinned, fiddling with an empty pint glass. "You're a traitor to your people."

"Yeah, most execs spend their days inches deep in dirt on a building site. I mean in a couple months I'll be like Freed used to be when we first met him," Laxus chuckled, and noticed the stroking of his hair slowing slightly. He smirked before continuing. "Nah, don't think I could get that far up my own ass."

"Hey," Freed attempted to sound offended, but was grinning when he tilted Laxus' head towards him. "I distinctly remember you being quite interested in me when we first met."

"Yeah, I guess," Laxus grinned back, and the stroking of his hair continued. "But I like you more now."

"Do you now?" Freed grinned. "Please, go into detail about why."

"Fuck me," Cana groaned "You two are revolting."

"You can fucking talk," Laxus snorted, looking towards Cana as she leant against her girlfriend. "I'll give you half the money in my fucking wallet right now if you ain't playing footsie under the table with each other."

"They are," Lisanna said as she threw a chew toy across and watching the dalmatian amble after it. "Have been since they sat down."

"Wow, I came here to support my friend and enjoy his company. And yet now I'm being attacked by everyone," Cana shook her head in an exaggerated gesture of being offended. "First from the never-ending gay honeymoon who never shut up about how in love they are," She gestured to Freed and Laxus, both of them chuckling at the title they'd been given. "And now from the woman who might one day be my sister in law. And all because I wanted to congratulate my very dear friend about his new job."

"And the free booze," Laxus smirked, and Cana cackled loudly, not bothering to pretend to be insulted.

"Fair," She cackled, looking over towards her girlfriend. "But I've gotten drunk enough, and it's pretty late. Ready to go home?"

"Yeah," Mirajane smiled, shifting to remove herself from the picnic bench they were all sat around. She walked to the other side, pressing her lips to both Laxus' and Freed's cheeks in a form of goodbye. "See you both soon. And good luck with your first day, I'm sure you'll be great."

"Thanks Mira," Laxus smiled.

"And if you fuck it up, you can always fuck your boss again. Worked well last time," Cana laughed, and Laxus glared while Freed chuckled to himself.

"Don't encourage her," Laxus grumbled over into shoulder.

"Well, you can't deny it. The last time you fucked your boss it worked quite well in the end," Freed chuckled, laughing happily when Laxus punched him in the arm. He pressed his lips onto the top of Laxus' head, then whispering softly. "Though if you do consider it, be aware I have a rather possessive side and will fight for you."

"That's hot," Laxus whispered back, leaning up and pressing his lips against Freed's and pulling him closer.

"This is a public space," Cana groaned, and Laxus pulled away to glare at her. Mirajane and Lisanna – dog now on a leash – standing either side of her, meaning it would only be the two men left from the party soon. "Nobody wants to see you tongue fucking each other."

"Then why are you watching?" Freed grinned.

"I preferred it when you were trying to get us to like you again," Cana smirked, and Freed laughed again. "Later blondie. Later fuckboy."

At their respective nicknames that they couldn't get rid of – no matter how hard Freed had tried – Freed and Laxus wished their friends a goodnight. They were soon left alone in Fairy Tail's beer garden, resting against one another as they enjoyed the silence of a village during the night. Laxus shifted slightly so he could look up at Freed, fondness painting his expressions.

"Thanks for the past few months," He said softly.

"What do you mean?" Freed tiled his head slightly, and a strand of hair fell and hit Laxus on the cheek. The blonde absently began playing with it.

"For being there, helping me find a job," Laxus explained, running the strands of green hair through his fingers. "For being okay with me quitting my job and being unemployed for a quarter of a year while I was looking."

"You did the same for me," Freed responded, smiling at his boyfriend's actions.

"Yeah, but you had savings and crap, and you had an idea of what you actually wanted to do. And we weren't dating when you quit your job," Laxus shrugged. "I never needed to support you or to talk about how the right job was around the corner or any of the crap that I made you do for me. So thanks for being okay with it all, and for not getting pissed off at me."

"You know it's not a problem," Freed whispered. "Though, I suppose I do have one regret about what happened over the last few months."

"Really?" Laxus asked, a flush of worry overtaking him.

"Nothing bad, mind you, so you can drop the expression," Freed chuckled, taking Laxus' hand in his own and stroking it absently. "It's just, some of the times when you needed a bit of enthusiasm, or just someone to talk to, it was over the phone. In retrospect it would have been considerably easier to do that in person. And, well, the best way for us to make sure that happens in the future would be to have you be around more often. And perhaps the best way to accomplish this would be to-"

"Are you asking me to move in with you?" Laxus cut in, sitting up. Cautious excitement filled him.

"Well, there's more than enough space-" Freed shook his head. "Sorry, I need to stop giving excuses in place of emotions. Old habits die hard I suppose. But yes, I want to have you live with me. Because I am in love with you, and I think living together would be incredible."

"You're serious?" Laxus asked again, grinning now. "You wanna have me live with ya? Permanently?"

"If you're ready for that," Freed clarified. "But yes, I'd like that."

In place of an answer, Laxus almost launched himself into Freed by kissing him hard. The force of the action made them both stumbles, taking them off the bench and onto the grass below. Freed laughed loudly as Laxus landed atop him, the sound slightly winded because of the weight on his chest. Laxus chuckled, pushing himself off of Freed while grinning.

"Just to clarify, was that a yes, or was that you trying to kill me to avoid an uncomfortable conversation?" Freed asked, rasping slightly, grinning.

"Shut the fuck up," Laxus said, though he was beaming, laughing boisterously as he pulled Freed up from the ground, so they were both standing. Freed had a similarly excited expression on his face, and the honest emotions of it made Laxus' heart nearly flutter. "And it's a yes, fucker. Of course it's a fucking yes."

~~~

Saturday 5th October 2024

Freed hadn't expected it, but he'd turned somewhat sentimental about his relationship.

A testament to this was how much he looked forward to Saturday mornings. He and Laxus had gotten into the habit of cooking breakfast together and eating it at their kitchen table, and despite how small and unimportant it might have seen to an outsider, Freed thought that it might be his favourite time of the week. It was certainly the thing he looked forward to most, and that his mind strayed to when he found himself bored at work.

Given both men now held managerial positions in their respective companies, they worked long hours. Freed had been the one to propose that, rather than working late, they enter work early each morning to have the evenings to enjoy each other's company. This meant that, although they woke up at the same time, their mornings were rushed, and they didn't have time to enjoy one another's presence before starting their days. It was the best way to stop their work life from affecting their relationship, but Freed did find himself craving the lazy mornings they used to share, hence why he liked Saturday so much.

They woke up together, laid in each other's arms for as long as they wanted, before stumbling down the stairs and cooking a large breakfast. Having pancakes and bacon while drinking coffee, looking at his boyfriend as he yawned, hair a mess and bags under his eyes, was heaven for Freed.

And today, he was in a particularly good mood.

Evergreen and Bickslow had come to stay at Albion House for the weekend, as they did a few times a year. He had kept his friendship with the two of them strong, with daytrips to the city being a regular thing, as well as video calls and near constant messaging. But having them in his home for the weekend was something he would always look forward to.

The two guests were still asleep, given that eight AM on a weekend was not considered sleeping in for most people on a weekend. But Laxus and Freed had woken early, and were now dancing around one another as they cooked, something they had grown to be proficient at.

To say that they had hit their stride as a couple was an understatement.

Freed carefully placed four rashers of bacon onto a frying pan above a gas burner, the smell of cooking meat filling his senses. As he gently prodded it with a spatula, large arms wrapped around him and a kiss was pressed into the back of his neck. He turned with a smile, looking to see Laxus wearing his nightwear and a large, fluffy, purple dressing down. Freed smiled a little at that, leaning against the man's back as he watched the food cook.

"Good morning," Freed smiled, turning a rasher over and relishing in the fizzing of the oil. "Is the hug solely for me, or to get closer to the food so you get it first?"

"It's for you," Laxus said with offence in his tone, though then laughed. "But if I can eat before Bickslow forces it down like a mad dog, I won't mind."

"I've made more than enough for all of us," Freed assured him. "Have you started on the pancake batter yet?"

"It can wait," Laxus mumbled, peppering kisses on the back of Freed's neck while smiling softly. Freed wore a similar expression. "I wanna make the most of you before they wake up. Don't wanna hear them bitching about how close we are and how much we're kissing. So I'm gonna get as many in before they show up."

"I suppose I can't complain about that," Freed grinned, placing the spatula resting against the frying pan. "Though their complaints haven't stopped you before."

"Doesn't mean I want to have an audience," Laxus grumbled, smiling as Freed turned around in his arms. He leant down so that their noses were resting against one another softly, smiling. "Because sometimes I want you all to myself."

"And forty-nine weeks of the year isn't enough for you?" Freed taunted.

"Fuck no," Laxus grinned, leaning down and pressing his lips against Freed's.

They shared a soft but passionate kiss for a short while, leaning against one another. Freed pushed Laxus' against the kitchen island they'd had installed, smirking a little when Laxus' hand began to play with his hair. When they pulled apart, both slightly breathless, they grinned at each other. There quiet mornings shared together really were incredible, and Freed certainly understood why Laxus didn't want to share it with their friends.

Unfortunately, their time alone could only last for so long, given their friends habit of acting like forces of nature when they wanted to. To prove this, they walked into the kitchen with the door banging loudly against the counter. The two men pulled away from each other, smiling resignedly.

"Get a room," Bickslow groaned.

"We had one," Laxus laughed. "You two just walked into it."

"In fact we had an entire house," Freed continued, pulling himself from Laxus' grasp to walk to the oven again. "You walked into that too."

"It smells divine," Evergreen praised as she sat at the kitchen table, glancing at herself in her compact mirror. She was the only person who had showered and dressed herself, something she did every time she stayed there. "Hopefully enough to distract me from sleeping on that awful sofa."

"I made it perfectly clear that I was happy to drive you to Elfman's house where I'm sure a bed would be waiting for you," Freed said plainly, removing the cooked bacon from the frying pan. "You argued against it; therefore the sofa was all that was left. And why you continue to be so peculiar around the poor man is something you've yet to explain to me. You've been dating for over a year now, it's hardly a scandal to want to spend time with him."

"Bickslow got the spare room," Evergreen huffed, ignoring Freed's comment. The lawyer sighed a little, wondering if he would ever get an insight to her relationship.

"He's not dating someone who lives here," Laxus laughed. "And doesn't have someone who'd take him to bed."

"Not that you know," Bickslow grinned, wiggling his eyebrows as he looked over the mounting food that Laxus and Freed had made. Before any of them could wonder if there was any truth in the statement, Bickslow kept going. "We're having Laxus' pancakes right; basically the only reason I come here?"

"We are, and I'm sure he'll be happy to make them once the bacon is done," Freed assured him then thought for a moment. "Although I'm not sure how many eggs we have, so we might not have that many."

"I can go check if she's laid any," Laxus shrugged, and Freed chose not to comment on the smile tugging at Laxus' lips.

"Thank you," Freed smiled, pressing his lips against Laxus' cheek as the blonde walked past him, pulled on his slippers and walked to the chicken coop in the garden, where their three chickens now lived. He shook his head at the enthusiasm that Laxus showed for their animals, given that Freed had initially been the one trying to convince him of them.

When he turned his head to his friends, Freed mentally prepared himself. Because what happened next was inevitable.

"Are you fucking kidding me!" Bickslow exclaimed, only whispering because he didn't want to alert Laxus to his annoyance.

"You can't just drop something like that on us!" Evergreen hissed, equally annoyed.

"What do you mean?" Freed smirked slightly as he began plating up food.

"We mean that bullshit you pulled last night," Bickslow snapped, crossing his arms. "We mean it's unfair that, after a perfectly innocent question about if you wanted to go out for dinner this evening, you decided that you couldn't because, and I quote, 'my funds are a little low this month because of the engagement ring.' And after you just casually mentioned that you decided to go to bed before we could ask any more questions."

"What other questions is there?" Freed asked, grinning slightly.

"What does it look like?" Evergreen said with exasperation in her voice. "When are you going to ask? How are you going to ask? Have you already asked and is this some nonsense where you don't tell us like those two women you're friends with?"

"Right," Freed nodded, glancing at the garden to see Laxus petting one of the chickens rather than looking for eggs. He had time. "I haven't asked him yet, hence why I didn't mention it with him in the room. I don't know how nor when I will ask him, all I know is that I will. I have faith that the moment will present itself and I'll be eloquent enough when it comes to it. And as for what it looks like, this is it."

Freed pulled out his phone, scrolled through his pictures, and opened the picture of the ring that he had brought. It was a simple obsidian band, made of simple geometric shapes. It was relatively minimalist, and Freed thought it was perfect for Laxus. He showed his friends it.

"Holy shit," Bickslow grinned. "Our boys all grown up."

"It looks great," Evergreen smiled, taking the phone, and zooming in on the picture. "It definitely suits him as well," She handed the phone back, and her smile was almost disconcerting. "You must have some idea about how you're going to do it?"

"Well, we've developed the tradition of hiking up the mountain every Christmas eve," Freed mused aloud. "I suppose if I can hold off from doing it until then, it would be quite romantic."

Stupidly, both of his friends let out a slight squeal at that.

"You're both ridiculous," Freed tutted slightly, though was grinning now. "I assume I can count on you both to keep this to yourself, right?"

They both agreed to this, and Freed turned back to the cooking he was doing. His eyes strayed over their back garden again, and he smiled softly as he watched Laxus attempting to access whatever eggs may or may not have been laid by their chickens. The chickens themselves were flocking to Laxus and either rubbing against him or pecking at him for attention; for whatever reason they had affinity for the man and loved his presence. He was laughing to himself, and it made Freed grin.

He soon watched as his boyfriend managed to leave the coop and the onslaught of attention from their chickens, and walked down their garden holding a small basket. It wasn't lost on Freed how cliché that they had become – keeping livestock while living in the country – but he found himself too happy to care.

"Only laid two," Laxus said as he walked inside. "It's enough, but we have to go to the store later."

"It doesn't shock me," Freed said, a slight tease in his tone. "You shower them with so much attention no matter what that they've got no incentive to lay any."

Laxus chuckled, and Freed passed him a mug of steaming coffee to warm him up. As Laxus cupped the hot drink, Freed realised that it would be very difficult indeed for him to keep the ring to himself before Christmas.

Because the man before him – dressed in an overly fluffy dressing gown, having just been accosted by adoring chickens, with red cheeks and mumbling through his pancake recipe without realising he was speaking out loud – was perfection. And to not shower the man with as much love and devotion as humanly possible would be incredibly difficult indeed.

~~~

Sunday 13th December, 2026

"I now pronounce you husband and husband," Mirajane declared. "You may seal your marriage with a kiss."

Laxus and Freed moved with practiced synchronicity. They both took a single step forward, placing their hands on the back of the other man's neck, and brought their lips together. The kiss was soft, chaste but filled with emotion and passion and devotion for one another. It was their first kiss as a married couple, and it was utter perfection.

As they pulled apart, the small congregation that sat in the cathedral applauded, with a few cheers echoing around the large room. Both men smiled without dignity nor care for their surroundings, unable to look away from each other's eyes. The room was filled, but it felt as if they were alone.

Similar to their practice-ceremony, they walked down the cathedral isle with their hands intertwined. Laxus was grabbing onto his husband's hand as if he was a lifeline, and the feeling of an equally strong grasp on his own hand was perfect. The blonde could think of nothing but the fact that finally, after six years, he was married to the man of his dreams. That for the rest of their lives, they were bound together through marriage. It was perfect.

Everything was perfect.

It had been a small ceremony, with not many people there. Freed had no living family and Laxus had very little, so other than Makarov it was essentially their closest friends. This suited them both, as neither particularly wanted a large public spectacle.

As they left the cathedral, they say that it had begun to snow gently. The hired cars stood parked a little while away, and their photographer – Reedus – was waiting for them. No bells rung, as was their instructions, and slowly people began to file out of the building so that the pictures could be taken. This all seemed to happen around the two men, with them both too enveloped in their own world of each other.

When the photography started, they followed Redus' instructions. Multiple pictures had been taken, all of which had Laxus and Freed in the middle while different selections of their friends gathered around them. On any other day Laxus might have found it all tedious and unnecessary, but he was too high on the elation to care.

Once Reedus had claimed that the rest of the photographs would include the grooms individually rather than together, Freed leant to Laxus and whispered.

"May I have a minute?" He asked softly.

"Of course," Laxus nodded, knowing what Freed needed.

He removed his hand from Freed's and allowed his husband – a shot of joy rushed through him every time he thought of Freed that way – to walk toward Evergreen. Laxus watched with a soft smile on his face as the woman walked to her car, pulled out a bouquet of flowers from her back seat, and handed it to Freed. The lawyer seemed to have thanked her, before walking to the cemetery attached to the cathedral.

This was why Freed had requested that they get married here, in a town neither near Era nor Magnolia. Initially Laxus had been confused as to why Freed wanted to wed in a cathedral, with neither man being religious, but it made sense. This was where Freed had been raised, and where both of his parents had been buried.

Between the photographs taken with his wedding party – Elfman as his best man, Cana his matron of honour – he found his eyes lingering on Freed, who was now crouched down before a gravestone. His lips were moving as if speaking Laxus smiled at the sight.

Freed really had made progress. It was incredible to see.

Once all the pictures of Laxus had been taken, Reedus asked whether Freed was ready to begin his solo pictures. Laxus glanced to see that Freed was still speaking to his parent's grave, and said that he'd ask Freed, but he might need some time. The photographer agreed and took a step back, deciding to take requests.

Laxus thanked him for his patience, walking towards Bickslow's car first where both his and Freed's coats had been stored. He was already feeling the cold, and suspected Freed would be too. He picked his out first, a large faux-fur lined thing that Freed often referred to as the cloak, given Laxus' tendency not to wear the sleeves. He also removed the red, almost Victorian styled jacket Freed always wore since he had brought it. He'd seen it at a thrift store of all things, and had fallen in love with it. Laxus always grinned at the memory, often teasing Freed with how he used to only wear designer suits.

He walked slowly to his husband, stepping on the gravel pathway to make sure his presence was known. Freed looked up Laxus and smiled softly, which Laxus returned. He placed the coat over Freed's shoulders and looked down at the gravestone, decorated with a new bunch of flowers.

'Here lie August and Myriam Justine, Loving Partners and Caring Parents.'

"You okay?" Laxus asked, and Freed nodded.

"I am. It's nice to see them. Even if I can't actually… see them," He spoke quietly, still crouching before the grave. "I should come here more often; it helps more than I remember. Though I'm sure you of all people know that."

"We could make time to come regularly, if you want," Laxus offered. "I still go to moms grave at least once a month."

"Perhaps," Freed nodded slightly. "Am I needed?"

"We can wait," Laxus shrugged.

"No, I've spoken to them for long enough. No doubt if they can hear me somehow they'd be bored of it," Freed chuckled, standing upright. "And that photographer was rather expensive, if I remember correctly, so I wouldn't want to waste our money."

"That's not important," Laxus said firmly. "If you need more time, you get it."

"Maybe another minute would be nice," Freed admitted.

Laxus nodded. Freed looked down at his parents shared grave, and Laxus wrapped an arm around his shoulder to silently show he was there. He stood beside his husband, the snow falling softly around them and making Freed look ethereal in his beauty. To be able to call this man his husband wasn't something that Laxus would ever take for granted, and he counted himself more than lucky that Freed had chosen to spend his life with him.

As they stood in silence, Laxus noticed that a few tears had begun to fall form Freed's eyes, but he didn't mention any of them. He pulled Freed slightly closer, and allowed his husband to silently cry at his parent's gravestone. This was something that happened every time either man visited the grave of their loved ones, and Laxus was glad Freed now felt he could express his emotions openly.

He pressed his lips against the crown of Freed's head softly, allowing the man to raise his hand to his face and wipe away the stray tears from his cheeks.

"You okay?" He whispered softly, and Freed nodded against him.

"I just needed to get it out," Freed explained softly, as he always did on the occasions where he cried about his parents. Laxus had assured him he didn't need to explain. "But I think I'm ready to get back to it now."

"You sure?" Laxus asked, and Freed nodded.

Removing his arm from around Freed's shoulders, Laxus took a step back. He watched as Freed looked down at his parent's grave again, a gentle and loving expression on his face. It was a look that Laxus adored seeing on his husband's face, and the honesty in the expression warmed Laxus more than he could describe.

"Goodbye father. Goodbye mother," Freed whispered. He placed a kiss on his fingertips and pressed them against the marble gravestone. "I love you both very much."

He took a moment to gather his thoughts and calm his breathing. Laxus watched from the side-line as he spoke again, his voice almost silent.

"And for all you have both done, thank you."

~Fin~

#Fraxus Day 2020 #Fraxus Day #Fraxus #Freed Justine #Laxus Dreyar #Fairy Tail #Fanfic #Writing #Event #Multichapter #Word Count 7.5k #Fuckyeahfraxus

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kooala · 4 years

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once you realize - chapter four

USERNAME CHANGE!!

!!used to be kookie-off-his-kookie but now it’s kooala!!

A/N: Hey guys! I’m glad you enjoyed my last chapter! Here is the fourth one and I really hope you enjoy reading as much as I loved writing it!

I also hope you guys will be happy to hear that it’ll turn out to be longer than expected so get ready for five, potentially six chapters! (: ✨

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader, Taehyung x his girlfriend Mina

Tags: best friend! Jungkook, idol verse, friends to lovers!

Genre: angst, fluff, mutual pining, angst basically the cutest falling in love story

Wordcount: 3,2k

Warnings: language! flirting! careful kids, this one’s a slow burner..

Parts: chapter one / chapter two / chapter three / chapter four / chapter five / chapter six / chapter seven

Summary: Jungkook’s thought had been running wild for a long time now and although he still wasn’t sure if it was worth risking it all, he felt like there was only one way to find out.

masterlist

After waiting for almost forty-five minutes for Mina to get ready, the two of you arrived relatively late to the apartment. As the elevator doors opened to the massive entrance way, chaos seemed to be ensued already, judging by the screams that seemingly came from the living room. “Guys! It’s been two months to get all of you together so can you just all get to the screening room? Or it’ll take us another month to start that dumb ass movie!”, BamBam was yelling across the entire first floor and as your heart started dropping, you paused while Mina walked out of the elevator. “Are you coming?”, she looked over confused and you felt so nervous all of a sudden, you couldn’t even exit the elevator.

“Hey... what’s wrong?” She raised her hand to keep the elevator doors open as they tried to shut and looked at you worried. “Y/N..”, she asked again and followed you into the elevator. “Why didn’t you tell me they’ll all be here? I don’t want to see Jae... I wouldn’t have come if I had known.”, you whispered and the expression on your friends face was thoroughly confused. “But I thought you liked him? I thought things were going well?”, she asked and pushed the button to open the doors again before the two of you felt trapped in an elevator. “Not like that. Not anymore. And after yesterday I really don’t...” – “Hey guys!” Tae walked over as the elevator doors had opened for a third time and you and Mina walked out since there was no turning back now.

“Hey, love.”, he smiled, kissing her soft before hugging you in. “Are you guys ready? It’s a mess, that’s all I can say.”, he chuckled and Mina looked at you over her shoulder, a worried look on her face as Tae dragged her along to the others.

Stalling for a long while you took a deep breath, waiting in the hallway to collect your thoughts before facing embarrassment in the other room.

“Waiting for me?”

Jungkook’s voice behind you out of the blue made you jump and as you turned over to see him walk out of the hallway with the bedrooms, your heart stumbled a little bit. He was wearing sweats and an oversize crewneck, his hair so fluffy and un-styled as if he had just woken up. “What happened to you? Did you just wake up?”, you blurted out nervously without filtering and Jungkook’s eyes turned into two big, round orbs. “Do I look bad?”, he asked insecure, ruffling his hair nervously and you felt absolutely stupid for blurting it out like that, since he looked anything but bad. “No. Not at all... You look really cute.”, you stirred back and the mixed signals you were giving off, even gave yourself a whiplash. “Oh..” His cheeks turned bright red and he cleared his throat, rubbing his neck nervously.

“Y/N! ARE YOU COMING?!”, Tae yelled down the hallway and you chuckled, following Jungkook who was leading the way.

The sheer volume of people talking in the living room was insane. There were so many people it was hard to keep track of who was attending, which made the thought of unintentionally running into Jaebeom somewhat manageable. Chances were rather low in this case.

Loosing Mina and Jungkook somewhere along the way of getting a drink you started feeling a little lost and insecure. Although all of these people were your friends, it was difficult when your thoughts and feelings were playing games with you and while everyone was still gathering some drinks and snacks from the kitchen counters, you had already made your way to the screening room, packed with big movie theater chairs.

“Hey!”, Jimin chirped from the second row and you smiled, waving at him while taking a seat on the far back, right on the edge of the room, something about sitting in the middle made you feel uneasy. “How are things going?” He knelt up onto his chair, turning around to face you while hugging the backrest.

You smiled and shrugged. “You know, all good. Better than yesterday. Sorry again for.. you know.”, you smiled embarrassed, while kicking off your shoes and pulling your legs up onto the seat. “Don’t worry about it. Just happy to see Jungkook got you home safe.”, he wiggled his eyebrows in a meaningful way and you weren’t sure what you were supposed to read into this. Before you had the chance to ask any questions, Tae entered the room with Mina and the two of them propped onto the double chair right next to yours.

You watched them curling up with a blanket quietly, putting their arms around each other and allowed yourself to let the loneliness you had been feeling, show itself.

“Do you mind sharing?” You looked up to see Jungkook had walked around the seats, showing up right beside you while pointing at the empty side of the double seat you had been sitting on. His arms seemed loaded with packs of food and a big blanket and with a smile you nodded.

“Sure.”

Reaching up you helped him sort out all of the snacks and drinks, helping him take a seat and prop the blanket over his lap. “I got it for you, too, you know?”, he chuckled, taking the blanket and placing it over your legs as well.

Both of you got to putting up the foot rests immediately, stretching out on your seats and once everyone had finally taken their seats in the room, Namjoon started the movie.

“Want to know a secret?” you whispered after a couple of Minutes and Jungkook bent over his head without taking his eyes off the screen. “I’ve never seen a marvel movie.”, you mumbled and his head immediately turned over to face yours, making you aware of how close he was. “What do you mean?”, he asked confused and you quietly opened the bags of sweet potato chips. “I just... haven’t seen any of the movies.”, you stated again and Jungkook looked heartbroken. “You can’t start with endgame if you haven’t seen the others?”, he whispered confused and the way he sounded like a little boy while saying that, made you chuckle.

“Well, then I guess you’ll have to show me then.”, you mumbled, eating a chip and with a smirk on your lip, you turned your head back over to face him. You were clearly flirting with him and judging his face, he was taken by surprise. “You can’t start with the last movie though...”, he insisted and with a shrug, you shuffled a little lower into your seat, stretching your leg out a little closer next to his. “I’ll manage.” You gave him a little wink before focusing your attention to the screen you hadn’t really looked at once up until now.

Not really sure why you acted the way you did, you internally cursed yourself, making sure to scold yourself for how you had been talking, especially in a room full of people. What if anyone would notice? You could feel Jungkook’s eyes lingering for a moment, trying to catch yours again but you made sure not to take your eyes off the movie this time. You had to tone it down or you were going to lose your best friend over the thrill of a few tingles in your stomach.

The past months both of you had been busy and if you admitted it to yourself, you had missed him more than just a little bit and although it hurt your pride to admit that a boy seemed to have taken over your life, he had definitely occupied most of your thoughts.

Every now and then, when you felt like it was safe to watch him during the movie, you glanced over, looking at his dimly lit up profile, super focused on the movie, lips parted and eyes quickly scanning every detail on the screen.

You couldn’t help but hold in that smile creeping over your lips and wrapping your arms a bit more around yourself, you tried to hold in the flutter that seemed to grow in your stomach. Nothing could make you feel more tingly than the close proximity between the both of you and once Jungkook was brave enough to glance over to you, too, he immediately reached over to put the blanket over you a little bit more, worried you may have been cold. The thankful smile and little nose scrunch you gave him while you said thank you, made his heart melt in his chest, leaving nothing but a warm pool of flutters on the inside.

He wasn’t stupid, he had definitely been able to tell what you did earlier. The flirting had made his stomach twist into a tight but warm knot and since he wasn’t sure how to reply to that bold attempt of yours, he just kept quiet while trying to think of a way to respond. Although it was one of his favorite things to watch, he couldn’t seem to keep his thoughts on what was going on at the screen – quite the opposite actually. He seemed to be hyper aware of how you felt next to him, he felt you looking at him and he felt every shift and movement in your body.

The blanket he covered the both of you with, seemed to make him even more aware of how hot he felt in his stomach. Sharing this enclosed space with you, made it worth it though.

He had talked to his father about how he felt about you not too long ago but since his mom had been the one making a move on his father, he couldn’t really help with the perfect advise. His dad had advised him to only make a move if he was absolutely sure because losing a friendship just to “see how it goes” seemed like a bad idea – and Jungkook agreed.

But how to know if you’re absolutely sure? He had spent the past weeks thinking about it constantly, looking for signs that made him sure. Was thinking about you constantly proof enough? Was that love? He thought about the incident with Jaebeom – was being jealous and angry reason enough to believe it was real? What determined how serious feelings were?

All he could really say was that sitting right next to you in that very second made him feel brave and insecure at the same time. Insecure because it was so close, there was no way to hide emotions or imperfections. What you saw was what you were going to get – the Jungkook that wasn’t perfect like the one in music videos or on pictures. It was just him – just Jungkook. Brave, because it made him want to reach out, put his arm around you, touch your hand, put his hand on your thigh and although thinking about this made the feeling in his chest grow – he simply wasn’t sure if he could risk it. He didn’t touch your hand out of the overwhelming fear of rejection and he didn’t put his arm around you in case anyone could see.

Taking a silent deep breath as his thoughts were running wild, he peeked over to Taehyung laying stretched out on his seat with his girlfriend resting on his chest. He could see how Tae was running his hand over her arm absentmindedly while watching the movie and all he wanted to do is turn around and do the same with you. Have you close, take a deep breath while you’re in his embrace.

What if he just did it? What if he would just reach out to you under the covers of the blanket, without anyone but you knowing what he just did? What if... He took a deep breath feeling the sudden nerves hit him so hard, that he felt his throat close up but curiosity had gotten the better of him and for the first time in over a year – he just needed to know.

You were watching the movie quietly and confused because without some of the backstory, most parts didn’t seem make sense to you and while trying to piece together the fragments of conversations they were having, completely focused on the storyline and trying to make sense out of it all, you didn’t even notice it at first.

The touch was very faint and you dismissed it as accidental without giving it much thought but as you turned on your chair a bit, facing him a little more, you could definitely feel something. His hand was touching the hand you had resting on your thigh and this time, it seemed to be a little firmer than the first time, making you freeze mid breathing.

The sudden panic and excitement that hit you made it difficult to breathe. Was this actually happening? Did he really reach out for your hand under the covers of the blanket? Unable to look at him you just waited, not sure if he had pulled his hand back because it had been accidental or because you didn’t seem to join the motion. Sitting absolutely still, you waited.

There it was again.

He was doing it. He was definitely reaching out to touch your hand and while his fingers faintly only rested on your pinky, you took a deep breath and clasped your pinky around his slowly. You could tell, he immediately turned his head to look at you but you felt too shy to even move or breathe too loudly, scared the others would know and although he was the one touching your hand, you were even scared Jungkook was going to figure out you reciprocated the motion.

But he had figured it out and the fact that you had closed your pinky around his, made him feel like his chest was about to burst from excitement. Clenching his jaw nervously, he pushed his hand slowly under yours, tracing his fingertips over your palm until your hand rested on top of his loosely. His nerves started to get to him and he was absolutely panicked about what he was doing. What if he had sweaty palms? What if he misinterpreted your move?

Feeling his hand shift, your cheeks started getting really hot. You could basically feel your ears turning red and faced with embarrassment you did your best to not turn your head away from the screen in hopes wasn’t going to notice how badly you were blushing.

His hand felt really warm and soft in yours and if your heart hadn’t been racing yet, it was surely skipping beats once he slid his fingers between yours hesitantly, interlocking both of your hands. You wished you could’ve glanced down to see if it was really happening but the blanket was shielding you from it and partially, you felt happy.

No one else was going to witness this, it was going to be between him and you only.

“Why is Thor without the long hair I think they should’ve brought that back. Jungkookie could’ve shown him how to grow his hair out – he’s been doing nothing but shaking his head to get it out of his eyes.”, Namjoon started breaking the absolute silence in the room.

The sudden conversation made both of you twitch so hard and pulling your hands apart that you had to immediately pull your phone out of your bum pocket to act busy, hoping they couldn’t see your burning red cheeks in the dim light.

“Huh?”, Jungkook asked because he hadn’t been listening at all, immediately raising his hand that had just rested in yours, to scratch the back of his head nervously. You dared to peek over at him and could definitely see his pink cheeks. Your smile was so big it almost hurt your cheeks from feeling so excited and tense.

The movie had almost finished at this point and you couldn’t get yourself to place your hand back into his, feeling shy and awkward like a child all of a sudden, so when the lights turned back on, you pulled your sweater sleeves over your hands, playing with the hem. Jungkook scooted forward in his seat, stretching his arms over his head long and loud until he sunk back into himself.

He turned his head to look at you and although he had initiated all of this, you felt caught, blushing again. The way he took a quick glance at your cheeks and chuckled seeing them, made you feel even more shy about it and you half-heartedly slapped his arm.

“Did you like the movie?”, he asked as if nothing happened while all of the others got up to head out to the living room. Feeling like you needed to do something or you wouldn’t stop blushing, you started gathering the trash on your seat, and on the floor. “I couldn’t really follow.”, you shyly stated, leaving it up to him if he took it as you missing the backstory of if he interpreted the hand incident with it.

“I can do it.”, he mumbled and bent down to pick up the popcorn kernels off the floor. The second he had bent down, was the second you wanted to look up at him and with a loud thud that made your teeth shutter, you hit your head against his, making you fall back over onto the floor you were kneeling on.

“Oh shit.”, you mumbled, rubbing your forehead and as you opened your teary eyes you could see him crouching down holding his head as well, a painful expression on his face. “Sorry.”, you mumbled chuckling, trying to blink away the tears in your eyes. “Was my fault.”, he chuckled and looked over at you. “I mean I always knew you were stubborn and all but damn Kooks.”, you laughed and he couldn’t help but laugh as well, reaching over to place one of his hands on the side of your head, gently rubbing the temple where the two of you had bumped into each other, with his thumb.

“That’s because it’s full of bad ideas.”, he mumbled chuckling and you weren’t quite sure what to do with that comment. Was it meant to hint on the hand holding earlier? Was it just meant to be a joke?

“Better?”, he asked after a moment, looking down at you. He was closer than he’d been in a long time and the close range between your faces made your cheeks flush again. You could only nod.

His eyes tried to find yours and although you looked away at first, too shy to meet his gaze, you felt how persistent he seemed to be about it. Jungkook took a deep breath, smiling at you. He hesitantly reached over to tuck a strand of hair behind your ear, softly rubbing over your temple a couple more times.

“You two getting paid to clean?” Jin yelled, poking his head through the door, making you flinch. “Just a casualty. I accidentally hit her head.”, Jungkook explained and Jin walked over to check on the both of you, forcing Jungkook to lower his hands.

“Everything ok, Y/N?”, Jin asked worried and you smiled, waving it off. “Yea, just bumped our heads.”, you smiled and took the hand Jungkook was offering you to help you get up. This time, holding his hand was different because now you knew how soft and gentle it could feel. You quickly let go of it, still confused by all the touches that had happened over the past couple of hours, desperately trying to sort out all those thoughts running through your head.

If you’ve managed to read this far, I’d be more than happy if you could like and share my chapter if you enjoyed it! If you have any suggestions for improvement or any drabble requests - make sure to shoot me a message!

thank you so much for reading and I hope you’ll stay around for the fifth chapter! 💖

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thefanficmonster · 3 years

Text

Listener

John (The Dark Pictures Anthology: Little Hope) x Reader (Male)

Warnings: SPOILERS FOR THE GAME LITTLE HOPE

Genre: Angst, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

Summary: He wishes to be fine, he wants to be ok. He only wants to get over that night, bury it in the past and push forward. But you can’t bury what you can’t see or touch - the scars on your psyche, the trauma, the nightmares. He’s not able to battle it...not on his own at least.

Requested by @dark-pictures-until-dawn Hello dear! Sorry to be posting your request so late. I really hope you have stayed patient enough to still want to read the fic because I’m really looking forward to hearing your feedback, especially since it’s my first time writing a male reader. Please enjoy the read! Love, Vy ❤

I can’t go home. I feel unsafe and lonely there. I feel how shallow is the meaningfulness of my existence and am constantly reminded of how quickly and gruesomely it was almost taken from me back in that ghost town. How I was prepared to do anything to shield my life as well as the lives of those I was responsible of from the horrors Little Hope provided for us. Speaking of my companions at the time, I think they’re doing far better than I am. Angela is, well, Angela - unbothered by the real problem, rather focusing on herself, mostly appearance-wise. Taylor and Daniel are each other’s support and have finally made their relationship public and I’m really happy for them. They deserve nothing but the best and I hope they get through this soon. Andrew left for home for a week or two to be with his family until the concussion and the trauma wore off at least a small bit. I was really worried for him and still am, but I’m at ease knowing he’s surrounded by people who’ll take care of him.

I, however, am left to my own devices. Devices I’m not sure I have. I can hear the weak side of me whispering to me whenever I get home, telling me it’s ok to break the streak at a time like this, even encouraging me to do so. Telling me it’ll be alright, that I’ll be able to pick myself back up, but for now, I can turn to my old friend for comfort. I can allow the liquor to pick me up like it did then. But then, thank the heavens, my rational side kicks in right on time - one second before it can be too late. It makes me ask myself if alcohol ever did anything for me except dig me a grave for my own dignity. Did it ever pick me up, or was it always the illusion behind which was the defeat and demise it truly gave me?

This rational side has helped me put down the bottle just as I was about to unscrew its cap, and I’ll forever be in its debt. Lord knows I’d be back in the same awful spot I was in before I started by journey of getting clean. I can’t go through the hellish first months of recovery another time. But the escape is a little too hard to resist sometimes.

Tonight it’s especially bad. This afternoon I had a meetup with the principle of the college during which I had to tell him all that happened that night, all the while enduring his ‘you’ve gone mad’ stare mixed with pity. He doesn’t believe any of us, how could he? I wouldn’t believe it either if I were in his shoes. Still, I’m the one who he bothers the most about it, given the others are students and I’m basically an employee of his and I am not allowed to show any sort of disrespect, no matter how much I’d like to put him in his place, if I want to keep my job. Having to reach to the dark side of my mind for the memories of that night took a toll on me like it hasn’t been able to in the past three days. I sometimes experience rather decent days during which my mind is too occupied to crack under the weight of the trauma. But then come the nights when I avoid sleeping just to unintentionally sink in deep slumber which is interrupted by a nightmare that sends me in a state of absolute terror.

Those are the instances in which I need metal chains to tie my wrists and feet so I don’t go back to old habits.

Why I still have alcohol in my house is beyond me. It’s like I’m taunting myself to fail what I’ve worked so hard for. Like dangling a piece of meat in front of a lion. The problem is - I’m both the person dangling the meat and the lion. I end up hurting myself by seeking comfort. It’d be a straight up lie if I tell myself I’m strong enough to resist temptation. The only reason why I do so is to avoid those first few months of the new attempted recovery. If I even attempt it, that is.

Because of the deteriorated state my mind is in right now and my weakened defenses, I have made the only move I can think of - sleeping in the school tonight. I’m lucky to have a couch in my office which I share with another professor, so sleeping here will at least be comfortable. The weather has been holding up well, so I won’t even need to bring out the heater. Just as long as no one...

“John? You’re still here?“

…sees me.

The familiar voice scares me half to death, bringing me out of my spiraling thoughts. I’ve become really jumpy and easily terrified which I consider to be reasonable. Other people are rather cautious around me and when approaching me, which I appreciate.

The person standing in the doorway with one hand on the handle and a startled expression on his face is my colleague Y/N. He’s the professor I’m sharing this office with. Him and I started working at this college at the same time and we quickly bonded over our first-day-on-the-job anxiety. He is pretty swell guy, about my age and height. He is the laid back professor, you don’t see many of his kind, especially since he is an ECON professor. Some of my students are in his class too, and they have nothing but kind words to say about him and his teaching. While the other professors, myself included, sport suits to work, he shows up in a polo shirt and jeans. He hasn’t missed a single day of work and his class flaunts the highest score in the whole college. That should tell you enough about how professional and well-put-together of a person Y/N is.

“Um, yeah...I just have some things to finish up.“ I wave my hand dismissively, hoping he’d leave it at that. But we’ve been colleagues and friends too long for him to let that slide so easily. He knows me well, people are an open book to him in general. He has told me he wanted to pursue psychology but his parents talked him out of it which explains his ability to tap into a person’s psyche like a literal mind reader. God knows I need a psychologist right now.

Y/N steps inside, closing the door behind him. “I can wait for you. We could get some dinner if you want.“ He suggests casually, shrugging his shoulders a tiny bit.

My eyes go wide, “No!” I answer a little too quickly and too loudly, causing him to frown in confusion, “I mean...don’t wait for me. There’s no need. It’s already late. We could get dinner another time.”

Y/N narrows his eyes slightly as if attempting to read a sign in the distance. I know he’s reading me. I bet he doesn’t even have to try so hard. I’m an open book that has suffered too much damage recently. And I’m not only talking the events back in that God forsaken town.

I try avoiding his gaze but when he says my name I can look nowhere but his eyes, “John, I know you’re still rattled and traumatized. Who wouldn’t be? Just know that you can talk to me anytime, about anything.“ His hand rests on my shoulder, “I’m one of those people who believes you. I believe you 100%” He chuckles, shaking his head, “I’ve researched that stuff probably more than I should’ve when I was a teenager. And it still intrigues me. Though I’m really sorry you had to go through such horrible events. You know you can take a paid leave for a month or two, right? No one will hold it against you. I’d be more than happy to cover for you if you’d like.”

I find myself smiling at Y/N’s words, “I really appreciate that, Y/N, but I’m afraid that if I don’t come to work I’ll end up losing my mind. Hell...“ I motion around the office, “I don’t even wanna leave. ‘Home’ doesn’t seem so homey at the moment.“ I force a melancholic chuckle, deprived of almost all emotion.

“Hey, now that offends me.“ He frowns, showing off just how much I’ve hurt his feelings, “You’d rather crash here than come over to my place? Come on, John, you should know better than that.“ He pauses for a second, eyeing me suspiciously before a smirk appears on his face, “You’re just afraid I’ll bring out the chess board, aren’t you?“

I can’t help but laugh, “Not at all. We both know I’m the better chess player.“

A mock offended expression makes its way onto Y/N’s face as his eyes widen, “Oh, you’re so on now.” He quickly open the door, one foot already out in the hall.

I hurriedly grab my jacket and briefcase from where I left them this morning, “Not before dinner, though. My treat.” I call after him, my arm automatically reaching out for him, taking gentle hold of his wrist, “And, thank you, Y/N. This means a lot to me. Your support, your company, your friendship...everything.”

Y/N turns around, sending me one of his bright, dazzling smiles, “I was on board with you till you said friendship.” He snorts, moving his hand so it can hold mine and give it a gentle squeeze, “Jokes aside, John, I really want to help you and be there for you. So, please, I’m begging you, don’t push me away. At least try not to, ok?”

The warmth seeping from his eyes comforts me, helps me forget what’s been bothering me, at least momentarily. He always understands, he’s always prepared to help, to comfort, prepared to give advice and receive criticism. He’s human, obviously, but a human who understands what it’s like to be let down, brought down and forced to pick yourself back up, I haven’t found many who understand that in my life. He was my support when I decided to get clean, my biggest stability pillar, why couldn’t he help me now too? Why don’t I allow him to make me at least half the person he is?

“I’ll try, Y/N. I promise.“

And this is a promise I’ll keep, starting by discarding all the alcohol bottles in my house.

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steve0discusses · 3 years

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The Live Action Fullmetal Alchemist Movie Part 6: Let’s Kill Hughes

Hey guys, I’ve been having some issues with the blog not...updating my drafts. So in case you’re wondering, that’s where I disappeared to. Give a round of applause to the support team for finding a solution until it gets fixed but as of right now I’m on like a private window with my extensions turned off and writing this from both tumblr and a LibreOffice document. Hello ads, nice to see you back.

Last we left off, we were a hop and skip away to lab 5. In the anime, this was a sequence where there was a bunch of fighting with suits of armor, and they kept that in this movie, but...not the people you think would be fighting are going to be fighting.

Listen I’m not like super knowledgeable about the world of Matte painting, but I like that they’ve unintentionally made this world building where whoever is in charge of making these red bricks basically owns everyone’s nuts. Everything is made out of the same red bricks. Like I know this is a show about homunculi ruling the world but I feel like the red brick guy is hellllllla more egregious. Freakin Monsanto over here.

I assume they had a 3d model and was like “we can just keep using it” and damn, they sure did. And inside of this brick building is, unsurprisingly a lot more red brick (although I think this is partially, if not entirely, an actual real life set.)

This next part is...such a lesson in pacing. Not necessarily a lesson to follow, but definitely a lesson to learn from maybe their non-example.

(watch Hughes die under the cut)

And what’s interesting is that there were a lot of good lines in this upcoming segment. There were a lot of good moments—bu there’s just so many. Maybe too many. You gotta prune your script occasionally, it’s like a tomato plant.

Like I’ve been doing a stress garden to cope with quarantine and Covid and 3+ months of life endangering wildfires, and I learned that you gotta prune the sucker vines off your tomatoes, although sucker vines can also make tomatoes. It sucks to do because I love tomatoes, and I want as many tomatoes as possible, but when you prune the plant, you get bigger better tomatoes that are more worthwhile than the suckers that can infect your plant and make it really sick.

Sorry that made me sound like 5000 years old with that gardening analogy. If you need me to solve your small town murder mysteries, I’m ready.

So it’s like...kind of tragic that it came together as kind of nonsensical when you can tell that it’s so close to being something better.

Like we have some reason up to this point to believe that Ed would have a freak out here...but like...a sobbing on the floor screaming at the walls type of freak out? Was there enough time devoted to this blow up, or did he walk into this room and immediately start screaming? Because he sure did walk immediately into this room and start screeching like a broken bird.

Like last recap, which was about 2 minutes ago in screentime, was this fun and quirky montage with Hughes. Now we’re sobbing into this rusty factory.

And I know what’s going on because I’ve seen the anime, but if you haven’t seen it—would this emotional break down make any sense? We were told by Dr Marcoh, “check out lab 5,” but we were only going to this factory on kind of a wish and a prayer. I really wonder if people who don’t know this show could follow past this point.

And then while we’re still adjusting to “yo, Ed just took it from a 2 to a 10 like immediately” Al is like “Hey I noticed no one is paying attention to me, and I have to lay a wicked fart:”

and then both brother’s just have a freak out. Gotta all be freaking out in this random ass Unity asset that was probably also used for some college grad’s first battle royale.

Pacing is just everything. And what’s SO HARD about Full Metal Alchemist is that there really is a lot of content to cover, there’s a lot of emotions to go through, and when you only have about 7 minutes to cover what was about 3-4 episodes, if I remember correctly, it’s kind of a zany mess.

And if you were going into this movie hoping they wouldn’t illustrate Al as a large idiot baby, then you share the sentiments of most people who saw this movie. Al is like...kind of reduced to a whiny big baby and is...not cute. Like Al is low key kind of menacing throughout this movie, not just because he has this CGI armor thing going on, but also because Al is...so impressionable and unhinged.

Something that I didn’t appreciate enough when I watched the anime was just how important Barry the Chopper was for Al’s logical character development.

Yo...These bangs…

...I’ve realized that every show I recap here just has the worst hair styles. I honestly never thought much about hair at all until I watched like 200 hours of Yugioh and all of this movie and also 6 seasons of Once Upon a Time which featured some LOOKS (but only recapped like 3 episodes, sorry if I got some of y’all excited. That was when we had no reason to cap everything because the capping community for Once was very alive and very exciting.)

By hitting him with a wrench (Al does not feel pain, ps, so he doesn’t need to be hunched over like this) Winry reminds Al that Ed would not risk his life for a fake brother (which may be a line from the anime or the manga but I don’t remember) and crying just...a lot.

Like it felt as if she had to shoot all of this out of order. Same with Ed’s freak out here. Movie’s aren’t really shot in succession and it’s up to the director to make it feel coherent and logical...this felt scattered, like the actors really didn’t know what was happening in the scenes leading up to it so they just cranked it to 11.

And then I guess Ed was either so insulted that Al punched him or was so upset that Al made Winry cry (again, this movie really tries to sell the EdxWinry ship and from me that’s a really big compliment), that Ed just started laying punches to extend a fight scene that was kind over before it started.

But symbolically there is a lot nice things going on here, Ed only uses his fleshy hand so he bleeds all over Al, hurting himself as much he’s hurting his brother. Implying more than just this fight, but suggesting that their whole journey of trying to find this sorcerer’s stone is just going to hurt both of them in their quest to save the other.

And then Al says something along the line of “it hurts!” to infer that he’s got this broken heart which is when they both finally just freakin stop.

Such a shame the pacing, which was a mix of too quick, and too many tomatoes, kind of made it hella blindsiding.

Again this was so many episodes of FMA and they stuffed it into so few minutes, it’s wild.

Especially since Ed is like...he’s cast as an adult! He’s an adult! At no point in the movie so far have they called him a kid, and they’re not pretending that he is one. But like...he acts like such a child because in the original, he was one. And, while this movie steps so far away from the source material, if should have committed and either stepped completely away or committed completely. Of course “should” is one of those things where we’ll just never know. A wish into the ether of hindsight being 20/20.

But lets get to the thing that you all came here for. This is where this movie gets BONKERS:

So Hughes actually draws out a pentagram between the different places in Armestrias, including Ishvaal, leading us to think that he’s figured out the whole dealio of turning the country into an alchemy circle. But, for some reason only helps him find the real lab 5.

It didn’t...that’s a different thing.

And it has been a long time since I’ve seen the ending of this movie—and maybe it was so offhand that I forgot if they actually do bring up turning the country into an alchemy circle--watch me eat my words, it could happen—but yo, we are finally killing Hughes—but we’re over halfway through this movie. And you may wonder...so uh...what...then what could possibly happen? There’s too much anime left!

Now I’m glad they kept this scene really close to the anime, although I haven’t watched the anime in a hot minute. It’s kind of an iconic scene so you don’t forget.

Like I do genuinely enjoy the campy parts where they were bringing up some of my favorite nostalgia of the original.

and then when you are like “ah, this is exactly the same as the anime. I can relax and watch as all my expectations are fully realized.” This twist happens.

YAH.

It’s a change!

So in the anime we had a really fun arc where we were trying to save Lieutenant Ross for being framed for killing Hughes. It’s probably my favorite part of Full Metal Alchemist, actually, it was so clever and a really thrilling chase. It was also like...half of season one.

Anyway, they cut it. They reduced half a season into 7 minutes. I know that, because each of these recaps is about 15 minutes of the movie.

You may look at this recap and be like “wait...this all happened in 15 minutes??” because yeah, this all happened in 15 minutes.

The same squad of people we see in every single scene of soldiers comes up to arrest Ed, which is weird, because I thought this band of soldiers was the military under Cl. Mustang’s command so like…shouldn’t they be arresting themselves? Mustang was over the command of more than 2 people. If we are suspicious of Mustang’s buddies then everyone in this movie would be in trouble.

And that’s when I realized that these guys were just unnamed soldiers and not a part of Mustang’s band. They only had like this many extras and just hoped we wouldn’t keep track of who is who, but I KNOW I’ve seen these guys this whole time. There are only like 6 people in this army. I see you movie magic—I see what you’re trying to do.

Anyway, Ed gets thrown into an old timey opera house that occasionally gets to be used for Middle School graduations. Or maybe also a mortuary where they charge you for funerals.

Like I know it’s supposed to be the capital building but like...this looks so weird when it’s live action. I remember the anime had this kinda feel to it but in live action it’s like…

...this is a weird ass capital building…Why do they have curtains like a Granny Holiday Inn in Reno, Nevada?

Thankfully, Hawkeye is here to explain to Ed what just happened because we, the movie viewers, were kind of surprised by that plot twist.

Like there were many ways you can condense half a season into 15 minutes, and I dunno if I would have just changed the murderer. It is a solution you can do. You can just point blame on Mustang and skip that whole Ross segment but like….

…then why write the movie?

Obviously, they had to make the movie, it had already been funded, people were really excited about the idea, and I do not envy the people that had to hack and slash with the Full Metal Alchemist script, but it is interesting what they decided was important to the original content, and what was unimportant. All that stuff that showed how Mustang was brilliant and two steps ahead of everyone else? Unimportant. All that stuff we had that showed how Mustang cares a lot about protecting other people and also cares about Ed and Al? Unimportant.

It really changes the dynamic, and it’s kind of fascinating to go into this cold because it’s been like...a year for me since I’ve watched it...and just see how different everything is without all those supporting characters that when I watched the anime I just assumed were mostly useless (Though fun). Turns out they all had a pretty significant part of making me care about Ed, about Mustang, about Al, about all my main characters.

FMA is very character driven, and this movie is mostly just...plot driven. There’s kind of a great debate in literature about plot driven vs character driven. Movies and TV tend to be very plot driven, because they are very expensive to make, so they follow pre-formatted plot beats like “Save the Cat” or “The Heroes Journey” and other ones (there’s several to choose from).

They’ve made a fine science out of at what point a TV show should introduce the main, at what point they should suffer doubt, at what point they should shun their hero’s journey, etc etc. They know it down to the page number of the scripts they are writing. I know this, because it’s readily available on the internet and people fight about it all the time. This is why a show may suffer developing a character—because they just don’t have time and they just don’t have the resources to do something out of the box. Movies doubly so, because every minute of film can cost thousands of dollars.

What’s interesting about this is that FMA, the original FMA, does follow these beats. It was a manga sold by a huge publisher so it had to follow those beats. But, it has managed to do it while still being character driven. Yo, that’s so hard to do. This story was already written to be hyper condensed and structured when it was made into a Manga, and then it was condensed again for an anime, and then it was condensed yet again for this movie. It’s like a game of telephone, and at one end you have a very character driven story, and then at the other, it’s just totally plot.

Like it’s just a really huge risk to take. This was really, really risky.

PS did you miss Shou? Did you think we’d be done with Shou Tucker? No. Because this movie is gonna end at some point and rather than introduce other people...we’re just gonna stick with Shou and only have one miniboss.

(It has a freakin radiator in it?)

So then this next part happens and it’s low key hilarious.

The whole time.

Mustang and Hawkeye knew what lab 5 was this entire time but Ed just never asked for some reason despite working with those two for what is inferred to be YEARS since his childhood.

Hey PS, did you miss that brick building? Because it’s back.

Anyway, Mustang decides to take this underground where we can recycle the tech crew posing as extras that we used in the shot above us. Would not be surprised if a few of these are someone’s husband or wife on set.

Usually when I watch a movie I don’t get this feeling so much. But this movie...the latter half is like...EMPTY.

...this is going to be all movies made during Covid, I just realized…

Mustang is stopped by an angry Lieutenant Ross, and then we get this series of events.

And when you’re like “...Sorry?” Mustang’s like “I can make it weirder.”

And he just, without any warning or anything, lights Lieutenant Ross on fire. Multiple times, and it’s pretty intense and everyone who’s holding a gun just watches it happen is like…

...well I guess it’s too late to just shoot the guy...

…and like do you seriously not carry around a fire extinguisher when you are trying to manhunt Mustang? This is the one guy you want to wear fireproof clothes around. You have the technology. You at least have the technology for buckets of water. Like no one want to throw a blanket on her?

Just want to...watch? I guess?

Mustang just looks like a nut from this series of events instead of a genius--which is what I think they were originally going for. The pacing does that, youknow? Pacing.

And, out of the corpse pile stands Envy.

Envy has a pretty good look, I appreciated his whole look and that unlike the anime where you only find out Envy is a guy because someone told you on a forum somewhere and you were like “wait WHAT?” the movie is live action so you won’t make that mistake and embarrass yourself online.

Ed has only ever seen Lust once, and she walked in from off screen, stabbed a guy, and walked off. He’s just like...having a time because he’s done zero research into homunculi, and really, at no point in this movie are we going to give him time to figure it out.

Also, there’s this shot where Lust and Gluttony just walk in from behind them in the tunnel and it’s like…

….so no one noticed these two just hanging out back there?

It’s so freakin funny. This movie is gold. I love it.

Now If you just got here, this is a link to read all these recaps in chrono order:

https://steve0discusses.tumblr.com/tagged/fma/chrono

Have a good one, and stay safe! 2021 has been...weird nuts...and it’s still January somehow??? Weird times. Overall, please stay safe, it’s weird out there.

Also, if you’re like “I don’t remember this scene actually” here’s the original Hughes dies scene that inspired the movie (since the movie definitely was like “we’re only going inspired for this one nerds, get mad”)--some shots were inspired cut for cut.

youtube

And obvi this is on Youtube so it’ll probably get taken down eventually, but that’s why it’s flipped.

#FMA #FMA movie #FMA live action movie #recap #Fullmetal alchemist #hughes #roy mustang #ed elric #al elric #winry #I've had to write these tags twice now because tumblr won't SAVE MY DRAFTS #photo recap

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amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines · 4 years

Text

Madelaine Petsch//Three Months

Request: Madelaine petsch x reader where Madelaine gets caught up with Vanessa and starts neglecting r and all their fans notice and Madelaine finally realizes it after it had been happening for a while and makes it up to r.

For over a year, you and Madelaine have been dating. A year and three months to be exact. You see each other every day, due to working together. You just recently talked about moving in together because you practically already lived together, you barely spent any time in your own apartment. You’ve even looked at adopting a dog together. You were a constant in each others lives. Wherever one was, the other was. You would be in her vlogs, Instagram stories (as well as basically everyone else’s), you were all over her social media accounts, and she was all over yours. You did literally everything together.

However for the past few months, she seemed to distance herself. It started slowly, she would miss a few date nights, or she’d bee too busy for you to come over. Which of course you understood. She was a busy woman who had a very demanding job, as did you, but you still always made time for each other before. However, you let it go, deciding that maybe she just wanted a bit of space. However as the days turned into weeks you saw her less and less.

Anytime you tried to talk to her at work, she would be talking to somebody else, mainly Vanessa. You still hung out after work, but each week it seemed to get less and less. She was always too busy. You hadn’t been in a video of hers for about 2 months, and even though its sounded trivial, it still hurt. It was like she’d replaced you with her best friend, leaving you to wonder what you’d done.

But the worst thing was that everyone seemed to notice, except her. The rest of the cast made an effort to hang out with you more, while also trying to talk to her, but no use. She was to wrapped up in her new friend to notice she was neglecting her girlfriend.

A part of you wanted to hate Vanessa for taking your girlfriend away from you. But you knew it wasn’t her fault. You were glad she had made a new friend, and it wasn’t Vanessa’s fault Madelaine had been ignoring you.

Today was your day off. You weren’t needed on set, so you were hanging out at home, moping in your bed.

Usually you would hang out with Madelaine, even if she was still on set, you’d just go with her. But you needed some time away from that place, and from her for that matter. The more she ignored and neglected you the more your view of her soured. But you were conflicted. You gave her space at the beginning of this whole thing and that seemed to make everything worse.

As you lay in your bed, staring up at the ceiling, your phone buzzed beside you pulling you from your thoughts.

madelame is live now! The notification made you sigh but you opened it anyway. A few seconds went by until your girlfriend appeared on screen, beside her was Vanessa, the two of them smiling brightly.

“Hey guys!” She greeted and you couldn’t help the small smile that forced its way on to your lips. That smile could still cheer you up, even if you felt a million miles apart from her and wasn’t intended for you. That thought makes you frown and focus your attention back on the screen. “We have a little bit of spare time in between takes so I thought we could do a Q&A! We’ve already tweeted about it and you have all been asking a lot of questions, so thanks! Anyway, V, do you wanna start?” She asked, turning her attention to her friend.

“Sure!” She smiled back before looking at her phone. “How’s season 4 going?” She read and the two of them smiled. “Great!! We have some great storylines this season! And all the secondary characters have much more screen time!”

“Yeah!” Madelaine jumped in. “Y/n has been in ever-” She cut herself off with a frown and you sat up, your eyes glued to the screen in front of you. Was she actually noticing? “Anyway.” She shook her head and you sighed, lying back down. The weight on your chest that you’d been feeling for the past three months, just got a whole lot heavier. “What has been your favourite on set story of this season?” Madelaine asked, facing Vanessa.

“Oooo.” Vanessa thought for a second. “Oh! I’ve got it!” She said suddenly making Madelaine giggle a little. “Can you remember when we were filming the an episode, and it was like 2am. I think practically everybody else had gone home apart from us, KJ and Cole, and while we waited to be called to set we just hung out and talked about life and stuff. And you told me all your future dreams and then you fell off the bench we were sat on.” She explained before the two of them laughed loudly.

“Yeah!” She giggled. “And KJ walked past us and called us tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum, before he tripped over a branch and fell face first into some mud. When he stood up he had leaves and twigs all over his face and he had to go back to make-up.” She continued and you sighed. You remember that night, and not just because Cole had told you. You were there that night. Sitting a few feet away from them, not that they seemed to have noticed.

You decided that that was enough heartbreak for the night, so with a heavy heart you closed down Instagram and placed your phone on the bedside table, the thoughts of your and Madelaine’s relationship swirling around your head until you fell asleep.

“Okay!” Madelaine clapped her hands together. “Final questions. Are you and y/n still together?” Madelaine read, her eyebrows knitting together in confusion. “Yeah! Of course we are, what makes you think that?”

“Loads of people have been asking.” Vanessa interjected. “Its like one of the most asked questions...”

“What makes people think we’re not together anymore?” She repeated her question.

“Apparently you’ve forgotten about her.” Vanessa replied, reading the comments from a few Twitter replies. “People are saying that she’s been in none of your videos or social media posts. And people have started picking up on it. Apparently you’ve been too caught up with me to focus on her.” She explained.

“What?” She whispered. “We’re needed back on set. It was great answering your questions and I’ll try and do another one soon...” She explained, trailing off at the end before ending the video. “Have I really been ignoring her?”

“I dunno. I don’t think so.” Vanessa shrugged. “Why don’t you go through your Instagram, and your videos. I’m sure she’s in them.” She said, trying to reassure her. Madelaine nodded before going through all her accounts.

“She hasn’t been in any. Not one for the past three-ish months. Not even in the background.” She sighed. “When was the last time I text her?” She asked herself before checking her phone. “A week ago.”

“What was it about?” Vanessa asked, looking over her shoulder.

“What time she was going to be on set the next day.” She sighed and Vanessa placed a hand on her shoulder.

Madelaine thought for moment, and then it dawned on her. For the past three months she’d been unintentionally ignoring you. She can’t remember the last time you slept at her house, or went out on a date. She barely acknowledged your presence at work, let alone any other time of the day. Three months ago you’d been talking about moving in together, and now she can barely remember the last time you just properly hung out together. “Shit!” She shouted, making Vanessa jump.

“Its okay.” She squeezed her shoulder.

“Its not! I’m officially the worst girlfriend in the world. I’ve ignored her, basically replaced her. Jesus Christ, I’m the worst!”

“You’re no-”

“I am! And I literally have no excuse for it.” She said while gathering her things.

“Where are you going? We’re due back on set in fifteen minutes.”

“Tell them I’m sick.” She replied before throwing her jacket on and running out the door.

--------

“Y/n!” A heavy pounding on your front door wakes you up from your nap and you have to blink a few times to get your bearings. Its only been two hours since you’ve fallen asleep, but from the sound coming from outside it sounds like the entire worlds gone to hell.

“Hold on!” You shouted back and stood up, slowly walking towards the door. For a few seconds you forget everything that has happened with you and Madelaine, for a few seconds everything is normal and fine and you have a great girlfriend that loves you more than anything. That is until you open the front door, and all that comes crashing down around you...the sound almost deafening. “Madelaine?” You asked in disbelief. A part of you thinks that you’re still asleep and that this is what your depressed self has come up with to cope with the fact that your girlfriend has abandoned and replaced you.

“Can I come in?” She asked, tearing you from your thoughts and you look back at her.

“Yeah, sure.” You shrugged and moved so she could come in. She sends you a small nod before walking passed you, and you watch her look around the living room.

“Is that new wallpaper?” She asked and you sighed.

“Yeah. I er-I decorated about two months ago. I did try and talk to you about it...just to see if it was worth it because of-well because we had talked about moving in together. I got a vague answer back so I decided to just do it.” You explained, scratching the back of your neck awkwardly.

“Ah.”

“Yeahhhhhh.” You trailed off. “Do you want tea or something?”

“No, I’m good. I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh, er-okay?” You said before sitting on the sofa. She sat beside you and the two of you looked at the opposite wall, both unsure of what to say. “Listen.” You started and turned to face her. “If you’re gonna break up with me, can you just do it already because I hate feeling like this. Like I’m stuck in some sort of in between until you decide you want to keep me around or not. It sucks, and its not fair on me.” You told her and she felt the wind being knocked from her lungs.

“Y/n.” She said softly, her hands reaching out for yours. Tears pooled in her eyes as she squeezed your hands. “Do you really think I would break up with you?”

“Well, I mean...kinda, yeah. We’ve barely spoken in the past three months. I just assume you’ve moved on. But don’t worry.” You forced a smile. “Because there’s no hard feelings. We’re still gonna work together and shit so we can still be friend-”

“Y/n.” She interrupted you and you looked at her, your hands pulling away from her grip so you could wipe the tears from her face. “I don’t deserve you.” She sobbed and you stared at her. “Look at me, I ignore you for months, I practically replaced you and everyone could see it but me. And then I come over here to make it up to you, even though I don’t deserve you’re forgiveness and I’m the one who starts crying. And then you comfort me. This should be the other way round, or you should be shouting and screaming at me.”

“Do you want me to shout and scream at you?” You asked and she laughed slightly, which made you smile.

“No.” She shook her head. “I just-okay. Let me do this again.” She took a deep breath and wiped the rest of her tears away. “Y/n.” She grabbed your hand again. “I am so sorry for ignoring you, replacing you, neglecting you, basically forgetting about your entire existence. I don’t have any excuses, but I guess I just got caught up with making new friends and memories, meaning that I forgot about my best friend who I share all my memories with. I really am sorry and I know I don’t deserve it, but can you please forgive me?” She pleaded and you stared at her.

All the hurt you’d been feeling for the past few months disappeared. Of course some of it would be there for a while, and she would have to do some groveling, but how could you not forgive her? She was the most perfect woman in the world and everyone makes mistakes. Plus, you had been miserable without her, breaking up would make that so much worse.

“Okay.” You replied, your voice barely above a whisper. “I forgive you.” You said and she sent you a watery, but bright smile.

“Really?” She asked and you nodded before she pulled you into a very tight hug. “I love you so much.” She mumbled against your neck. “I’ll never do anything like this ever again. I promise.”

“You better not.” You quirked an eyebrow as you pulled away. She placed her hands on your cheeks before kissing you deeply. She kissed you as if her life depended on it. As if she was trying to show you how much you meant to her. As if she was trying to tell you how much she loved you. And slowly, but surely you started to believe her, even if it would take some time.

------

One Year Later

“Is that all of them?” You asked as you placed a cardboard box down on the floor.

“I think so yeah.” Madelaine replied as she hugged you from behind. Her arms wrapped around your waist while she rested her head on your shoulder. “The bed isn’t gonna be here until tomorrow though so we’re gonna have to make do on either the sofa or the bed.” She said with a sigh and you turned in her ams, a bright smile on your face and a glimmer in your eyes. “What?”

“I have a much better idea.” You grinned.

“What?”

“Blanket fort!” You cheered and she laughed.

“I love you.” She mumbled.

“I know you do.” You replied and pressed a kiss to her cheek before wiggling out of her grip. “Come on, we have a ton of boxes to unpack. I can’t believe we own a home together.” You said, still in disbelief that you got to wake up to her everyday and spend all your time with your best friend and most favourite person in the world. Just the two of you and Ella the Bulldog you guys rescued a few months ago. Ella ran in from the backyard just then, like she knew you were thinking about her, and she ran straight into Madelaine’s legs making the two of you laugh.

“Wait a minute.” Madelaine grabbed your hand and pulled you back to her.

“Babeeee. We have to unpack.”

“Not yet. We have a lifetime to unpack boxes, lets just enjoy this moment.” She said and wrapped her arms around your waist again. “Dance with me.”

“There’s no music.” You raised an eyebrow, but wrapped your arms around her neck anyway.

“Thats okay. We don’t need music, we’ll make our own.”

“You’re so cheesy.” You rolled your eyes, despite the smile on your face and she giggled. “But then again, I already knew that.”

“What do you mean?” She asked as the two of you swayed slightly.

“Oh you know, just the time you filled my apartment with flowers like two days after we got back together. Like you filled it, I couldn’t move for flowers, and it wasn’t just one kind, it was every single type of flower you could think of, all crammed into my apartment. And then there was all the cute little notes you put around yours and my apartment so I can see them.”

“Yeah, just because we moved doesn’t mean thats gonna end. There’s gonna be so many more because this is actual house. There’s so much more room!” She said excitedly making you smile.

“See.” You replied and she rolled her eyes. “And then there’s the cute little dates you take me on, all the appreciation posts you put on Instagram, I think you post a picture of me at least once a week and I honestly don’t know where you’re getting all these pictures of me from.”

“What? My girl’s pretty and amazing, I need to tell people.” She shrugged and you rolled your eyes again.

“The video montage of all our sweet moments that you asked your twitter followers to help with?” You asked sarcastically and she looked at the ground.

“Okay, fine. Maybe I am a bit cheesy...”

“A bit!” You replied. “The video was half an hour long and you made an entirely new email address for people to send you videos that they may have had of us. You had been planning it for four months.”

“Fine...a lot. But you love it though.” She shrugged. “Don’t you?”

“Of course.” You replied and kissed her softly. “I’ll never stop loving you.”

“And I’ll never stop loving you. Not for three months, three years or 300 years.” She said before kissing you.

“Good.” You pulled away. “Now, lets go find some blankets! Give Ella her first blanket fort!” You said excitedly before walking into the bedroom, Ella following closely.

Madelaine blinked, thinking about what you just said as she watched you walk up the stairs. “How do you know she’s never been in a blanket fort?” She called after you.

“I just do! You can tell when someone’s never been in a blanket fort. And she hasn’t. It makes someone sadder.” You replied. “They have a vibe about them.”

“...she’s a dog.”

“And?” You replied, popping your head round the door.

“I really do love you.” She laughed. “I’ll never stop, no matter what.”

#madelaine petsch #madelaine petsch x reader #madelaine petsch imagine #madelaine petsch x you #riverdale #riverdale imagine #cheryl blossom #cheryl blossom imagine #cheryl blossom x reader #cheryl blossom x you #cheryl #cheryl imagine #cheryl x reader

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aspiestvmusings · 4 years

Text

ZEP ANALYSIS 2

MUSIC AS A NARRATIVE

WHAT THE HEART SONGS HAVE REVEALED/TOLD US:

We start the show with Zoey’s MRI & the song that plays as it all begins is REM’s: "It's the End of the World as We Know It" from the Awesome MRI Remix. The lyrics are: “That's great, it starts with an earthquake..."...and this is where we learn that the lyrics of the songs playing are part of the storyline...they tell us what is happening or going to happen... cause as the song plays...there’s an earthquake

Max has never really, truly, been in love before = "I've never felt this way" 1x01 "I think I love you"

Max did not plan to tell Zoey about his feelings for her (and he didn't...til the flash mob) "I just decided to myself I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it and did not go and shout it when you walked into the room" - 1x01 "I think I love you"

Max likes/appreciates all the little things that no one else really sees or knows about her = "I'm a sucker for all the subliminal things no one knows about you " = 1x02 "Sucker"

Max & Zoey know basically everything about each other, because they've been best friends for 5 years & they've talked about...everything = "'Cause I know you and you know everything about me" = 1x02 "Sucker"

Max finds Zoey physically attractive/hot = "I'm feeling heat in December when you're 'round me" = 1x02 "Sucker"

Zoey finds Max physically attractive/hot & she's falling/fallen in love with him - "I tried to be chill but you're so hot that I melted I fell right through the cracks" = 1x08 "I'm Yours"

Zoey loves Max... as a friend, but also romantically. She has love for him in her heart. And knows he has love in his heart for her. = "Look into your heart and you'll find love love love love" = 1x08 "I'm Yours"

Simon has considered taking the same route his dad did 6+months ago. The man is not just grieving, he's depressed. = "The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had" = 1x01/1x10 "Mad World"

Zoey acknoweldges that she's witnessed Simon's "sadness" - she's seen him crying & being sad & alone & realizes he needs help (from her) = "Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'. Feelin' all alone without a friend you know you feel like dyin’ " = 1x08 "IWYTWM"

BACK TO THE BEGINNING...

Remember how it all started? With Zoey's MRI in Pilot...going all wrong...because of an eathquake. She went to check on her health because she had concerns..because of her fathers condition. We saw her "take the test". But... we never heard how it ended. Did the earthquake interfere with the results & she'd have to get another MRI to find out the results? Did she get the results, but never mentioned them?

After the MRI we see her talking to her mom, but it's never mentioned how the test went. The results...or lack of them...is never mentioned... until episode 11. Instead...after the experience she's "going crazy" - hearing everyone sing their inner feelings. But not once does she mention the MRI in any other context than it being the result she got her superpower. And we've only heard her mention it to her family, Mo & Max, no one else even knows she got an MRI.

A lot of things in the series are hinting at Zoey having the same disease as her dad has. And the singing might be her first, early, strange "symptom". Because she has the same condition is probably why she hears people singing, too. Even the ASL storyline supports it. Not to mention some other scenes & lines from songs in the show. Like her mom/family singing "We’ve Gotta Get Out of This Place" in 1x11. And since we know that the lyrics of the heart songs tell the truth and are part of the narrative/story, then they have a real meaning.

A stranger at the caskett room sings during Maggie's song: "Now my girl you're so young and pretty, and one thing I know is true: You'll be dead before your time is due, I know" & later Maggie sings the same lines, and then the camera moves to Zoey...witnessing the song, and it doesn' really feel like it's cause we see it all from her POV..but cause the line is a "clue" for her...

CHIRP vs ZOEY-ALITY PARALLELS

Invading privacy. How come no-one has mentioned this? Especially Max. We've seen him be concerned about "mind reading", and then they're all working on "mind reading code"

I do think that all this was done intentionally & they chose to use a piece of technology that is similar to Zoeys ability...to make a point..in the future. And I've found it quite interesting that no-one has...yet (by the end of episode 11) questioned how ethical the tech is, or how it could invade peoples privacy.

If they'd had a character mention it, I would've expected it to be Max. I mean... in episode 1x01 when Zoey asks him what he thinks about te ability to read other peoples minds, he says that he'd get his feelings hurt a lot..more. And he has voiced concern about Zoey being able to "read his mind"...several times. His main concern has been that she can read his mind/see into his heart (via heart songs...while he can't see into hers...). And he was also very uncomfortable when he found out that everyone could "read him" (that everyone knew he has had a crush on Zoey...forever). He's the one character whose expressed most concern about people knowing his secret feelings & thoughts. Hence I have been surprised he hasn't commented on CHIRP yet (until ep 11).

Though anyone on the team might bring it up..at one point. And another good possibility is Simon. Because since he's still in the dark about her superpower, that would be one way to take it back to the beginning. Cause as we remember from the PIlot, he was "impressed" by Zoey's ability to "read his mind"..only he thought that that must mean they have a "natural" connection, so when he finds out she had help (from her superpower...which is basically like getting help from a CHIRP technology), he's gonna have a whole new look on their connection and everything. And he's most likely gonna be "betrayed" and "disappointed", because he’ll realize that their connection wasn't actually real, and she "cheated in the game".

And CHIRP is most definitely a "plot device". The parallels to/with Zoey's abilities are just...too obvious.

ZOEY & MAX: CHARACTER STORIES

My question before the Finale: Will we learn something about Max and/or Zoey...in the last episode that changes things? That changes how we see...certain things & our perception of them? That changes the meaning of some things from past episodes? A kind of a surprise "reveal" (twist)? Will the show go there? I would not put it past them... honestly.

There are bits & pieces of lines/dialogue (certain scenes) both in past episodes & in the Finale promo that kinda hint at a possible twist like that.

ETA: Nope, none of that was in the s1 finale, really. There were enough plot threads that needed to be tied up... so not much room for new big ones...yet.

PARALLELS

Zoey & Max as new Team Managers #twoofakind

In 1x02 when Zoey gives her first introductory speech as the new Team Manager on the 4th Floor, she prepares flash cards for the speech..with the first one being her name (Hi, Im Zoey). In 1x10 when Max becomes the new Team Manager on the 6th Floor, he prepares flash cards for his speech..with the first one being his name (Hi, I'm Max).

In 1x02 Zoey makes an awkard joke at the beginning of her speech "Please don’t say anything stupid" (one of her notes to herself). In 1x10 Max makes awkard joke at the beginning of his speech (Please hold your applause til the end" (one of his notes to himself)

In 1x02 Zoey tells Joan that she prepared for the new job by reading multiple books & listening to several popular podcasts on how to be an effective leader. In 1x10 Max tells his new team that he prepared for the new job by reading about a 7-step leadership program..online....

...TO NAME A FEW...

TEAM MAX

Translating Max's behaviour:

If we pay attention to what Max says, then they have informed us via his lines what it is that he's not okay with. And it's not what some seem to think - that Zoey dosn't love him back/return his feelings & won't want to start dating now. It's not that he chose to take the 6th Floor job as a "punishment" cause she didn't plead him to stay and tell him he loves him. It's not that he was mad at her & in his anger sang "Bye Bye Bye". It's not that he was unnecessarily cold & rude towards her...after 1x08..when he moved to 6th Floor... only because what some fans think ...that he's an example of "good guy trope"

What Max has an issue with is Zoey changing & changing their friendship. It's that she's dishonest with him, her best friend. It's that he doesn't like that she can read his mind...both because he prefers to keep his private thoughts & feelings private, and because he doesn't want to "push" her with a sudden heart song...which he now knows he could do unintentionally. Before she got her power, he could just keep his feelings towards her a secret & not push her, but now he has to watch himself...and avoid feeling feels around her. Because he knows she can hear his deep feelings.

He's not comfortable with her knowing how he feels about her (1x07/1x08). He's not comcortable with everyone knowing how he feels about her (1x11).

After 1x08 he knows the details of her secret power. And...interestingly... he does not sing any love songs to her anymore...for a while. The tone of the songs changes. We only ever hear him since twice after he learns her secret. First a "duet" of the song "Here I go again" in 1x10 as he moves to the 6th floor, and second is "Bye Bye Bye" in 1x11. He doesn't really mind her hearing the song in 1x10...as it's just what decribing what he's doing. And then there's the karaoke bar, where his inner song & outer song don't really match. He might sing "Bye Bye Bye" as a response to Zoey asking her to stop Leif singing that sad song, but you can see that he's not really feeling it.

This is supported by his comment to Leif that he's not (sure he's) over Zoey. And by his "mood" and the way he "secretly" glances over at leaving Zoey. Which means that in her presence he's trying to disguise his real feelings.... so that she would not be able to read his real thoughts. He migth sing a song to her that makes her think he's mad at her & moved on, but we, the viewers, are let in on the truth, cause his real feelings shine through during the scene. Yes he's heartbroken and a bit "mad at her", but he really let's those feels shine on this moment..to "fool her". And this is confirmed at the end of the episode, when all it takes for him to stop pretending to be upset with her is for her to take the first step. And re-confirmed in the Finale, when we see that he can make himself think & feel...what he wants her to hear...

Yes, of course he was ALSO heartbroken & a bit disappointed, because he had hoped she would return his feeling...now, but that's what he hoped, not expected/demanded to be the only option. He even said it several times - he needed some sort of response, some sort of answer from her. And though a part of his decision to keep his distance was cause he felt hurt and heartbroken (she did brake his heart a bit...cause from his POV he chose the other man... cause it was not as she said - she can't choose cause she's got so much on her plate cause of her dad & her superpower...so it's understandable he was a bit sad) most of his post-superpower-reveal behaviour was fueled by her unclarity & her dishonesty. She'd promised him honesty & truth, and she revealed the truth...via her heart song, but then she tried to claim the truth is not the truth (not say that perhaps there are more possibilities than his interpretation of the song, but claiming it’s not at all what the song meant, when they both know what the song meant.) That's what upset him.

And that’s why he needed to put some distance between them. And again, they’ve explained his motivation & reasons via dialogue in other scenes. And... interestingly enough...what started as him trying to experience things outside their tiny two-person-bubble-world ended up becoming so much more. When he started the season with no desire to climb the career ladder or get out of the “best friend zone” then by the end of the season things had changed... and he actually liked the opportunity he got via his promotion, and he even learned he’s good at it (even Leif complimented his leadership skills). And the distance did both them good...as we all predicted... cause they really needed to grow individually & figure things out...separately... before there could ever be a possibility of them as a duo.

I've touched this in my past posts. And will again in future posts.

#ZEP #SPOILER #ZEP SPOILERS #ZOEY'S EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #ZOEYS EXTRAORDINARY PLAYLIST #Clarkeman #Zomax #Zax #Zoey Clarke #Max Richman #Max x Zoey #Zoey x Max #TEXT POST #LONG POST #ANALYSIS #ANALYZIS #TEAM MAX

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rosepetals-flyingbirds · 4 years

Text

Tortured Souls. (End)

With: Bucky Barnes x Reader.

Warnings: Fluff.

Word Count: 2,000

Bucky took off the instant he saw Tony walking you to your quarters.

He knew it would do no good, so snubbing Steve’s and Clint’s calls he walked out of the Compound and jogged as far as he could.

Later the day Clint searched for him while his wife and kids stood with you in the Compound.

Clint found him and invited him to go back to his farm, Bucky declined but Clint said he would use a extra help with all the gardening and it would do good for his mind.

Clint believed that fresh air and maybe the children would cheer the man up.

Which it did.

A Week Later.

Steve and you were training, small exercises since your body was still sensitive and well, you didn’t have super soldier serum to cure your body.

The conversation with Steve was awe-inspiring as always, Steve was one of the best people in your life.

He kept in touch with Buck and you smiled when Sam said that he was making appointments in the psychologist and trying to clean his mind while you were gone.

It made a week since the barbecue and you craved to see him again, for real this time.

The house Bucky took care of near the Compound was your spot, you knew he would go there as a safe haven and you wanted to be alone with him.

Following your extinct you went to the cozy place and stood there waiting for him, apparently, while you were healing he took even more care of the place. The walls were covered with dark blue paint, the fireplace re-made and all so… homey.

You sat on the couch and took deep breaths trying to calm down your nerves. It took a while but Clint told you he left his house hours before, Buck wouldn't go straight to the Compound.

The door opened and you saw him. Him.

Dark circles under his eyes, but even with all of the tiredness, he looked beautiful as always in your eyes. “Hey.” You blurted and got to your feet.

“Hi.” He answered and closed the door slowly, he stood there with his hands on his pockets and just gazing elsewhere avoiding your eyes. “We need to talk.” He mumbled.

“We do.” The tension was growing but you were sicklily tired of it. “Bucky listen, I’m tired. I’m so tired of all this that encompasses us, I truly love you, you are the only man I can see myself with, the only man that I could ever let touch me the way you do. I love you.” He looked at you with glassy eyes. “I’m so sad that life took the path it did, I truly am. I hate Artem, I hate what he did.” What he made you do. “But it's done now, we can’t erase that. But I forgive you, and if I do you can do too.”

Buck nodded silently.

You walked near him and he gave two small steps backs, even unintentionally. You went to his reach. “Bucky…” Inclining to his reach you gently placed your hands on his jawline as your thumbs lolled on his cheeks. “We are here now, I’m right in front of you, I’m loving you.” You kissed the side of his mouth and closed your arms around his torso, placing your head on his chest. “I love you, Bucky. I love you so much. Please, let's not waste our time, I'm better with you, happier. Please, we can move on."

His arms interlaced around you and he kissed your head. He missed you so much, your scent, your warm body, the height difference.

Everything.

You were his, just as he was yours. “And I love you, Y/N.” You smiled against his chest, it has been so long that you heard his voice.

You looked up at him and placed your chin on his chest, seeing the details you adore so much.

In Bucky’s mind, it still hurt to look at you, the fact that he almost killed you in a fraction of minutes made his heart swell. “We got this?”

You nodded. “We do.” You promised.

That night you two slowly approached each other again, it took time for him allow himself to fully touch you, but with a small step, you two started a new path together.

Four Years Later.

Life could be tricky, the same way you were sad about your past, sad about the dangers that followed the life you picked, that picked you, you loved it nevertheless.

You loved Tony, you loved Steve, you loved the animals you helped, loved the lives you saved while missions and you loved Bucky Barnes.

The man that lived through torture and still held his golden heart, he truly owned yours.

Fours years after all the confusion, every day was a slow process of healing.

You came clean with Tony about your relationship, of course, it was harsh at first.

He was truly mad and sad, you understood that but you wouldn’t ignore your heart, you apologized but explained how much Bucky meant to you, how much he was the one for you.

A few weeks later Tony got back to regular with you, and even though he stood being the way he is with Bucky, you were happy he didn’t start to avoid you.

Looking at your makeup in the mirror and darting your eyes to see Wanda and Natasha sat on the edge of the bed, you smiled. The white dress wasn’t too formal, but also it wasn’t too short.

Three months ago Bucky got on his knee and proposed. You didn’t believe at first, marriage wasn’t something you expected, and something you surely didn’t expect him to want.

Steve? Possibly.

Sam? Surely.

Bucky? You’d never saw it coming.

You smiled at the memory, of how things changed for better.

It was after a mission in Spain, gladly Hydra slowed down and was almost erased from the end of their miserable organization’s life.

The mission was basically to grab some data from some gun traffic.

You and Bucky went covered with fake identities and when it ended he invented you to meet the town.

He showed every spot and you two were walking around midnight over the rustic parts of the towns eating ice cream, one hand on his and the other holding your delicious candy.

The place was beautiful, you loved how some people kept the vintage characteristic.

When the ice cream finished and you two sat on a bench gazing around the flowered garden being enlighten but the moon, you almost choked when you saw Bucky on his knee.

His eyes teared up and he shook his head with a shy smile. “Mmm, I didn’t intend to cry.” He explained and you smiled at how nervous he seemed, your hand touching his shoulder. “Y/N. You are simply the reason I keep going. The reason I wake up every day and find the strength to fight. You’re the light of my life and every day I thank God for giving me you. For providing a second opportunity to be with you, to love and adore you. No one would be able to make me happy as much as you do. You’re the angel that saved me, my sweet Y/N.” His words made your heart melt, your eyes filled with tears, your heart was hammered so fast, everything was too ethereal.

“Scott Fitzgerald once said that ‘We all have souls of different ages.’ And is completely true, I’m inhumanly older than you and even that I suffered so long on Hydra’s hands, I’m somehow grateful.” You shook your head ready to correct him. “Let me finish… If it wasn’t them, if I had the normal civilian life I wouldn’t have met you, I never believed in soulmates, I always found this was some weak story people liked to tell to ease their minds, but you’re mine. I love you so so much, I could do anything just to make you happy. I would do anything to save you, Y/N.” A tear fell on his cheek and you dried it softly, his smile and blushed face was something you wanted to save forever. “And sorry I truly made something smaller and easier to say but.” You laughed. “I could spend the whole night here opening my old heart for you, but in the end, you know all of it already. Y/N Y/L/N do you wanna give me the pleasure to be my wife? Will you marry me?”

“Yes!” You exclaimed. “Yes, yes, yes.” He placed the ring on your finger and you hugged him close not caring about the ring, he could give you a rusty ring that you wouldn’t mind. “I love you so much. You’re the love of my life."

You were in tears and just shook your head nodding, you couldn’t find words.

“Yes?” He asked hopefully get in on his feet.

He kissed your forehead. “And you are the love of mine."

Cutting your memory Natasha placed her hands on your shoulders. “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you, thank you two for being in here with me.” You stated and Wanda got on her feet hugging you.

You blushed, your hands found their way to your dress, as if anything was anything but perfect. “Too much? Or, too... little?”

Someone knocked on the door and Nat ran to it, she surely believed that was bad luck seeing the bride in the dress before the wedding. “Let’s go?” Steve said and looked at you up and down.

“Uau.” Steve was speechless.

He placed his hand in his pocket and shook his head. “Is perfect. You are beautiful.” You thanked him and Wanda and Natasha left the room.

Steve gave you his arm and you two left the room.

You wanted Tony to walk you to the altar, but of course, he wouldn’t do it with Bucky being the one waiting for you there. So you picked Steve.

The marriage wasn’t big nor luxurious, it was something small and on a beautiful farm in a silent place in Italy, the cabin was huge and beautiful.

The people around were the significant ones and everything would be excellent, hopefully.

But yet, you were nervous.

Even though the people there knew you and you trusted them… it wasn’t simple. But as cliche as sounds, when you stepped in the flowed yard, holding Steve’s arm for dear life, everything stopped when you looked Bucky waiting for you.

His hair tied back neatly, his suit on a dark blue color highlighting the diamonds he called eyes.

Everything was amazing.

The party afterward was just as beautiful, delicious food and champagne here and there. Fury sang, which everyone got surprised.

The toasts were amazing but Steve’s was the one that would always be on your mind.

Steve was handsome in his black tux and made the speech on his calm voice and charming smile. “I’m Steve and you all know me.” He chuckled and everyone laughed. “I just want to say it’s an honor to be here. I’ve delivered many lectures but never a best man’s speech, so please bear with me. Bucky and I have been through a lot together. Happy times and sad.

I didn’t expect to have him back, and I thank everyday for having my best pal back.

I remember when Buck called and told me he would propose, and I remember asking him. 'Can you make her happy?’ Because as much I was happy, Y/N is my friend just as important; and I must look at her well being. The thing is, if something in that horrendous world could show me what love is… it would be these two. Y/N is the definition of a best friend, the girl literally stood with me five days straight when I was in a coma."

After all the speeches you heard a sound out there, Fury grabbed a gun in his holster and ran outside, it was Tony.

"The girl saved hundreds of lives without getting the credit. The girl cares about animals as everyone should do if they hadn’t their head over the asses only caring about money. And Bucky? James Barnes? Buck is the definition of forgiveness. He went through a lot we and yet here he is, surrounded by people that truly love him. If someone traveled in time and told me i would have my best friend back? I wouldn’t believe. The thing is… you two are perfect for each other. You two are the representation of good people in that life, the representation of strength and love. Well without further ado, cheers to Y/N and Bucky. My best friends, and two of the people I love the largest. Cheers.”

Tony entered and said everyone could go back to their previous spots, of course people were worried he would make a fuzz but he just went to hug you, Bucky excused himself letting you two have a moment alone and Clint and Peter went with him, the atmosphere wasn’t tense, Bucky knew it was an important day and you would like to have Tony there, he was actually happy Tony appeared.

“You look beautiful.” Tony said and you smiled.

“Thank you, and thank you for coming.” It meant a lot, even though you knew it would be hard, you called him asking him to go, he found some excuse and you knew you hadn’t the right to protest about it.

He took his red glasses off knowing you hated when he used those to talk with you. “I wanted to come earlier, but…”

“But you didn’t.” Finishing his words he nodded his head shyly.

“Well, sorry about that.”

You grinned but held his hand squeezing it. “Is okay, I’m glad you came nonetheless.”

“The house is ready for you two, a housekeeper is there but I gave free days for you two…” He moved his hands in the air, fully trying to avoid the ’sex’ subject.

Since the wedding was in Italy you thought that the mansion Tony had bought would do great as a honeymoon.

“Thank you.” It would be good to replace the memories on the house with new ones, the first days you stood there was all about a healing process after all the mess, now it would be replaced with delightful ones.

Always the one to avoid displays of sentimentality.

Tony smiled and looked around, he darted his eyes at your ring and smiled.

“I’m glad he knows you enough to not buy some huge diamond ring.” The ring was vintage, but you loved, it would be a ring Bucky would buy back in the day.

“I’m glad you are happy, and whatever you need, I will always be here for you.” He stated and leaned to kiss your forehead, you spotted a few tears on his eyes which he quickly covered with his glasses. “Where is the champagne?” He yelled and walked to Fury’s table.

Bucky.

It was the happiest day of his life, he was literally marrying the woman of his dreams, you.

He was beyond words to express his emotions. The tied hair was sort of annoying but Clint warned him that if he took it off he would have to cut the hair.

You were beautiful and even if he couldn’t promise that the future would be filled with nothing but happy days, he surely would at least try his hardest to make you smile every single day for the rest of your/his life.

Peter nodded and left leaving Bucky and Tony alone. Tony darted his eyes but took a deep breath. “I just want to say that I’m happy she is happy, and even though we have our differences and everything… mmm… I’m glad she found someone that loves her.” Tony said truthfully, even though his eyes couldn’t stop at Bucky’s face. “I used to think it was some sort of destiny joke, joining you with the only family I have left, but the day of the explosion when I thought I had lost her and you just there fully knowing the place would blow, I realized how much she means to you. Y/N is the most important person in my life, and I will kill you if you ever hurt her, in any sense. So,” Tony raised his hand and placed in Bucky’s front. “Welcome to the family.” He stated and Bucky was surprised.

Peter was happy to be in the place surrounded by grown-ups, he was talking with Bucky about Star Trek when Peter felt someone patting him on the shoulder.

He looked up and saw Tony. “Why won’t you go on and call May to tell everything is okay?”

Knowing Tony wasn’t patient he raised his hand and shook his, Tony bowed his head and walked out of the place.

Bucky stood there not believing what just happened, someone else could probably say that Tony was a dick, but Bucky knew how hard it must be for the man to face him.

Steve entered the room and smiled at the vision of his friend’s smile.

When he saw Peter leaving he went to talk with Bucky but saw Tony there, with the music around he knew people wouldn’t hear the talk but his super audition managed so, and even that Steve didn’t want to eavesdrop, he needed to make sure Tony wouldn’t kill his friend.

Steve was happy about Tony’s words, he knew Bucky needed that

…

The honeymoon was marvelous. The following months too, Bucky was worried things would get difficult, if as dating it was already tough, married? Would it be worst, right?

Wrong.

With Hydra erased from the earth things got better, of course, the world would always be broken, but you two were invincible together.

There was a priority to spend all the Fridays in the “abandoned” house, which you bought and was legally yours, just the two of you.

It was still hard to believe.

You and Bucky had just finished a steamy lovemaking session, and were laid on the floor with only a sheet above letting the fireplace warm your bare bodies.

He was staring at you lovely, your ring shining, he couldn’t stop looking at you, it was like you were the moon that his sea blue eyes called for. “I love you.”

“I love you too. I guess this isn’t new.” You giggled.

“It’s always good to hear.” He leaned his head to kiss your forehead. “Y/N?”

“Mmm?”

“I’m so glad you never gave up on me. So glad that you found love in your heart for me. We have been together for years and married for months and I still feel like one day I’ll wake up and you will be another missed memory.”

“It won’t.” You adjusted your body and hugged him, your head on his chest.

He interlaced his arms around yours and your head was hearing his heartbeat.

The slumber came right after, the next day Fury had assigned a small mission. You two would face it and kick ass as the amazing couple you two were.

Bucky was happy, after all the years of pain he endured, all the years you endured. The universe brought you two together. Bodies and souls. Both have been tortured, such damage that didn’t not only hurt each other bodies, but also souls.

But with the love and empathy of each other. It would gently, and slowly heal.

…

@buckybabybaby @soshewrotestories @cutie13 @salimahbicharara-comun

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes x reader #bucky x me #bucky x you

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rigelmejo · 4 years

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2 more thoughts regarding the massive immersion approach:

Flashcards and Massive Immersion Method

while i’ve seen some people who do it insist that its about moving AWAY from flashcards/srs grinding, and only doing that in order to make it easier to immerse... i am not sure that’s how it ends up in practice. i’ve read comments by some people about how immersion should be where the a lot of the progress is coming from. But on the other hand, from my view, even the immersion eventually involves a lot of sentence mining (you making srs flashcards from immersion, to study). And the creator of the method, Matt, seems to think a good indication this method will work for you is if you have a decent tolerance for flashcard grinding.

Also, on a more practical level, he thinks structured study is very helpful for your learning and is part of what helps you learn faster. He thinks a combination of immersion (both reading and pure listening) starting early on and regularly, with structured study to help you learn first very useful things to you (common words, writing system, grammar patterns, eventually words/grammar in the things you specifically want to understand) helps support your immersion efforts. Structured study in his plan is srs flashcards and sentence mining - although I personally think you could also substitute ‘structured study’ for textbooks, word lists/flashcards/podcasts you pick based on your needs, basically any material where you’re actively studying and reviewing instead of immersing. Now I mainly agree with this point, as much as I don’t like structured study of any kind any more then much anyone else. It really does help make immersion more tolerable, and more effective, at least for me. Structured learning is kind of like scaffolding you put on yourself, or floaties before diving into the deep end. It gives you things you can grab onto more easily when you immerse, and help you remember more effectively the things you pick up as you immerse. It’s probably why most language learners, no matter what structured study methods they use, do more then ONLY listen/read in the language with absolutely nothing else being done (a lot of polyglots on youtube seem fond of making word lists with example sentences which sounds a lot like a more chill non srs sentence mining method, a lot of articles i’ve read of learners going for basic ability to speak/read go for using frequency lists and grammar guides early on as their base to learn from - which is what i tend to do).

Anyway... basically, as much as I’d love if massive immersion approach had less flashcards... it doesn’t appear (to me) to have any less flashcards than AJATT or 10k sentences methods. Maybe it does, but once the sentence flashcards go into the thousands it all seems like an Awful Lot to me. On the upside, I would again like to mention there is at least one example of a guy named Chris who did the massive immersion approach for japanese for 18 months and got to a good reading comprehension, listening comprehension, and speaking level, who did the kanji flashcards and 2000ish frequent words in sentences and grammar example sentences in the beginning, then mostly did not sentence mine after. Here’s his interview about it. During, and after those initial flashcards, he immersed, looked up words occasionally (and did not always make flashcards of new words). He tried to switch to a monolingual dictionary halfway through, which seemed to help him. And he didn’t really study/immerse more than 1-3 hrs a day, with the heaviest ‘dedicated’ time in the earlier months when he grinded through the Heisig kanji flashcards. He’s a good example of a ‘less flashcards in the sentence mining’ version of the approach, that seemed to work out fine for him. So burning out on flashcards, and eventually doing less of them and primarily immersion/looking occasional words up, is a possible way to do the massive immersion approach. And I think this might be the way some people are viewing the massive immersion approach who say the flashcards are really just needed to push you to get into immersion easier - perhaps they’re also people who used less flashcards once the immersion part became more comfortable for them.

---

Immersion

A second note: I really do want to reiterate again how much effort I do think this method takes. From an outsider’s perspective, to me it initially looked kind of ridiculous until I actually looked it up. Because all i saw were learners making targeted videos about Only one element of their studies (so it was helpful in a specialized way, but i wrongly thought that video’s tips would be about ALL of studying the language lol). So I kept seeing videos insisting you need to immerse immerse immerse and you’ll learn super fast! But like of course, these learners were also doing studying from sentence mining and grammar example sentences and I just did not know that.

About immersion: it really does help though. At the bare minimum, you should try it some time just because it will REALLY reaffirm your goals in the language. Or it will help you set goals, if you aren’t sure what those goals are. It is also a real fast way to actually check if you’ve 1. made any improvement, 2. are lacking in any areas you’d intended to make improvement (and therefore you need to fix your study plan to address this), 3. what you immerse in might help you realize what you really want to prioritize learning first. It also gives you a dose of reality, to see if you’re worse or better than you thought you were. It gives you chances to PRACTICE what you’ve learned, which will help you remember that info and recall it faster, and get you more comfortable so it’s easier to use that info you know the next time you immerse etc. It puts you into real material you want to eventually be able to engage with, so you can actually see how you’re doing in the language up against more realistic use of the language (versus textbooks and learner made material that is probably on some level tailored to either be easier or focus on some specialties a bit more than the real world which focuses on all kinds of things).

In French, I unintentionally ‘immersed’ in reading from the first few months, and I fully believe that boosted my ability to comprehend the language immensely. I really genuinely did not put that much effort into studying french. I took one well made beginner semester in college, most notably great because our teacher focused on pronunciation, speaking often, learning a ton of regular verbs and conjugations, and learning basic ways of saying past/present/future tense immediately (which broadened what we could talk out in a tremendous way - especially compared to any other beginner course I’ve ever taken). I studied one 300 word list, then sort of studied a 625 and 1000 word list, none of them with flashcards - just looking at and reviewing somewhat regularly. And I read... a lot... especially in the beginning when it was super hard. I read and looked up a handful of words (only ever handfuls, cause I’m lazy). Eventually, I read and rarely looked up words, because I’m lazy and context guesses were enough to me. Eventually, I speed read through a beginners grammar guide in english. Then an intermediate grammar guide in french. My listening suffered cause i rarely ever practiced that, but when i do practice it the skill builds up pretty fast since i generally know most words i run into now. If I went back to french, it’d mostly be a lot of listening/shadowing immersion (shows, and comprehensible input youtube channels), and then having lots of convos to boost my speaking/writing abilities. French... genuinely was SO hard in the beginning. But I think immersing very early got me through the “doing this for more then 5 minutes FRIES my brain its so HARD” stage within a few months.

I think whenever I put off immersion... that just delays when i’m gonna feel that frustration. And its not fun to feel that frustration, but its expected because there will always be some difficulty as you get adjusted to it. And when you’ve studied for over a year? It really sucks to feel like you’ve made progress, only to try to read simple captions on pictures or headlines and website links and understand NOTHING. That’s what happened to me in japanese - I didn’t try to read real stuff for a year, and when I finally did I was pretty crushed that outside of the most basic school/daily life discussions, I couldn’t comprehend anything. Even though in my studies I’d flown through my textbook materials. I should also note, for languages ‘more difficult to learn’ for an english speaker, yes its going to take longer or more study hours to comprehend the same as one could in a ‘less difficult’ language like french. So immersion hurt that much MORE cause I knew even less then after a year of french, even with more hours of study, and immersion was so much harder. It was super demotivating. But in retrospect, I should have just pushed through and planned my goals according to what specifics were making that initial push SO HARD so I could fix them and make my life easier. I eventually did, but I would have loved that kind of clear focus on what I needed to do with my goals BACK THEN.

Because of how my French versus Japanese studies went, when I started Chinese I just immersed right away. A great thing about studying chinese, is at the time I was super into their storytelling and works, and the chinese world has a HUGE amount of incredible works AND a ton of them are easy to access. It’s super easy to immerse in chinese! (I imagine similar is true of english). In French, I only really was invested in french history books, so I didn’t dive into reading much unless it was just those or ‘informational’ stuff like news. (Thankfully french took less effort to improve in). In Japanese, while I’m into some very specific creators and works, I’m actually not really that into anime or manga. And the stuff I am into, I need to grind though goal-focused study to actually finally be able to comprehend enough to immerse in (it took 2.5 years to even scratch the bottom of ‘maybe’ for trying to do that, since I didn’t immerse early on and build my comfort in being able to immerse). I started trying to read in Chinese early, just because I was like “well i did it in month 3 in french so WHY NOT do it with chinese too, it helped my french a ton!” And, well... it did help my chinese a ton, and still does.

It’s also been... way harder every single step of the way then french ever was. And I’m so glad I did it with french first... I built up some tolerance at engaging with materials i only 50% comprehended in french, I built up reading skills with that kind of difficult material, and I had experience seeing that comprehension level noticeably improve every few months. So in chinese, I started with like 20% comprehension and it HURT my brain. But I expected it to be harder than french, and i expected any foreign language to start off well below the comfortable suggestion of ‘98%’ for reading for pleasure. On the upside, it helped me set goals I needed FOR the goal of reading super early. It helped me practice parsing how hard chinese was going to be to comprehend, super early. And I think the difficult comprehension curve for immersing in chinese, compared to romance languages for english speakers, might be why a lot of learners on forums insist reading in chinese took them 2-4 years to even start graded readers. And why many of them say its taking them 20 minutes to read a page, or they ‘pre-study’ with flashcards for like 1 hr a day when they read, etc. While I’m sure those approaches work for them, I think in a way its also kind of a matter of When do YOU want to do those things? When do you want to face that super-intolerable low comprehensibility curve?

Because it will be a few phases: first it will be brutally intolerable, then you’ll get used to seeing a huge amount of incomprehensibility and not getting so bothered by it even though you still don’t understand much, then you start comprehending a bit more each time (possibly aided by some other study methods/reading strategies etc), you feel relieved the comprehension is getting EASIER (even though its only like 60% now that feels WAY less brutally frustrating then 20% did!), and the process continues. You basically first get used to tolerating how brutally incomprehensible it is, how much lower than 98% comprehensible it is. Then every step after feels like achievement and relief because it just keeps getting easier. And by the time you do get to a decently high comprehensibility, it feels fantastic and much easier. No matter when you start immersing, it’s going to progress like this. So if you go from ‘comfortable 98%ish percent comprehensible textbook sentences and flashcards, or podcasts, and comfortable comprehension in your own language mainly’ to ‘dropped into native material in your target language where you just definitely are not 98%, maybe 80-90% at best?’ Its still going to feel brutal.

In a big way I do think it’s partially just a matter of when you want to face the brutal beginning of the comprehensibility curve. Do you want to tackle it early on in the learning stages, in the first couple years? The upsides are, you will only feel like its easier over time, so once you’ve studied more, your immersion also is getting easier. So study progress lines up better with how comprehension progress ‘feels.’ The downside is, of course, you face a brutal challenge that feels insurmountable early on. That could cause you to give up. And because its actual native content in the language - realistically you are NOT going to be able to comprehend as much as you can in your own native language in a year. It’s going to start a low comprehension level, and you aren’t going to be able to just quickly bring it up to comfortable 98%ish comprehension level. It’s still going to take years of study for that. So part of the process genuinely is getting more okay with accepting lower comprehensibility in your target language, and learning to not let that frustrate or demotivate you, learning to not get upset, learning to let go of trying to absolutely always understand everything perfectly, and instead learning to notice milestones in your own personal progress. Learning to appreciate an improvement from 20% comprehended, to 50% comprehended, to 70% comprehended. Instead of super angry you’ve studied for months, only to still be struggling to comprehend - because it will definitely still technically be a struggle at least until you do hit those 90%s in comprehension. So it could be demotivating to think ‘oh yeah, I’m gonna be fluent in a year!’ then you immerse early on, and realize that you may not actually to able to comprehend this target language as easily as your native language in a year. But it definitely grounds to back to reality. On the upside, even if you waited to immerse, you’re probably going to hit this difficult comprehension experience for at least a few months - so you’ll eventually get the reality check. It’s just when do you want to experience it. Early on - so you can use the experiences to both practice and focus your goals on what YOU specifically need?

Or after studying for years - finally getting practice, and now needing to possibly readjust a lot of your long-used study methods because they left some noticeable blank spots that are now impeding your ability to comprehend what you want to comprehend? There are of course benefits to waiting to do immersion until later - you’re less likely to quit studying the language, if you’ve already been studying it for years and are dedicated. Depending on how good your study plan was, you might be starting out at 70-90% comprehension of materials, instead of 20-50%. Which means your difficulty curve might take less time to power through, and be more tolerable depending on if you can handle moderate incomprehensibility more than significant amount incomprehensibility. I don’t know... I tried to do immersion later on with Japanese, and while I definitely won’t give up, it was also such a huge difficulty curve that I had to replan my study methods to fill in all the blanks before I was ready to try immersion properly. I think with chinese, where i started some immersion early on, i would have been SUPER ready to give up and quit, if I didn’t have my french experience telling me ‘just stick with it, it always starts hard and gets easier over time, chinese will just probably take longer to make progress with than french did.’

I only pushed through with immersing in chinese early on, because I KNEW the same study methods worked for me in french so I was going to use them again. And I adamantly tried to just tell myself it wasn’t that hard. I had a chinese teacher in high school, he was great, and one of the things he did was never treat anything as hard. He didn’t act like tones were hard, he just gave us an example and had us repeat him. He didn’t act like hanzi were hard, he just wrote vocab, gave us the pinyin, then told us to write it in our notes - and write only hanzi in tests and homework and classwork. Bam, that’s it. No insistence that we had to use mnemonics to ever learn them (although mnemonics would’ve helped speed it up probably in retrospect). No insistence anything was hard, it was just how the words sounded and were spelled, so we learned. He had a class of 40 kids who were rambunctious and many of whom didn’t pick chinese and just got put into the class, and he still managed to teach well enough that most people passed just fine. That class was fun, and not any harder then any other class. I think one part of the reason was how he treated nothing as overtly difficult or challenging, just another thing to learn. In comparison, I’ve had a japanese class where things WERE taught as very difficult to learn, and i think that intimidated me and demotivated me (along with the myriad of language study tip sites that really hammer home how ‘hard’ japanese is). Realistically, they aren’t necessarily hard, some languages just take more study time then others to cover the same ‘ground’. So anyway, whenever I study chinese, I just remind myself its not any harder then french to learn - it just takes me some extra study time. And I really think this mindset has made tackling both immersion and even just studying vocab much easier to me. I don’t see new words made of characters and freak out, I just think ok ‘this sounds like X, looks like this Y, do I need to do anything extra to remember this?’ Then come up with some mnemonics or examples of it being used etc if it will help me remember it, then move on. With chinese I really... mostly tackled studying the same way I studied French (but BETTER, because I practice speaking, writing, and listening MUCH more in chinese then i ever did in french). But like... I did not study the hanzi with Heisig or anything - and I do think in retrospect, I should, since I think it’ll make new words a bit easier to remember. (I remember new words way easier when I already know each individual character from other words - I don’t need mnemonics for the meaning or the pronunciation when I already know the characters that spell a new word so I can speed up learning it). The only extra thing I did with chinese was listen to tones in the beginning, some tone explanations, and listen to the audio of new words (so i can better remember the tones, so i can have better listening/speaking skills then i did in french). Overall, my progress was not too bad for just diving into chinese with the same overall study method. I managed to learn 1000 words and all the characters in them without heisig etc. (Although, genuinely, shout out to the Tuttle Learn Chinese Characters - 800 characters book, because the mnemonics include pronunciation, help a ton, and I learned probably 500 characters from that book starting out that served as a helpful foundation in studying chinese).

I did not ever try to go the route of ‘study with only pinyin first.’ I know some people think learn to speak first, read/write later, and it is easier. But like? Reading’s always my main goal baby. Everything else is a secondary goal, so there was no point to me putting off characters and real reading. Plus? In chinese??? Knowing how to read helps with shows SO MUCH cause nearly every show has mandarin subtitles!!! If you can read some basic mandarin, picking up words and some phrases from shows gets so much easier! Also, like my chinese teacher did not treat them as overly hard, I don’t want to treat characters as overly hard either. Pinyin is very good to know for typing, and for learning tones/seeing how to pronounce words. But I didn’t want to use it as the only thing i could rely on, any longer then the minimal necessary amount of time I needed to. Also, my lacking listening skills in french really hammered home how important it is to listen to pronunciations ALL THE TIME and especially when learning new words, so I try to make sure a majority of my chinese study and immersion materials have audio I can listen to. I try to learn most new words with audio, since pinyin is not the same as me hearing how to actually say it and recognize it.

#rant #mia #mass immersion approach

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supergraphicultramoderngirl · 5 years

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we got so close, so close to love

a tyrus oneshot that started as a vent fic and ended as something i only wish would happen to me

word count: 2,291 (it’s a big boi)

—————————

It’s been two years since they’ve last said a word to one another.

Honestly? Things had been going great, they’d gotten past Buffy’s old grudge, the gun incident, and Costume Day. Their friendship was going steady, and it even seemed like it could be leading to more.

And then it did.

TJ confessed his feelings to Cyrus at Andi’s 14th birthday party, and it was perfect. They sat on a bench away from everyone else, fairy lights and stars twinkling around them. He explained the real reasons behind everything that went down on Costume Day, and Cyrus told him he returned his feelings almost a little too eagerly. If their friends noticed they were that much more happy and clingy during the rest of the party, they didn’t say anything.

And that’s when it all went wrong.

The next day, Cyrus sent TJ a text that said, “We can’t talk anymore. Bye, TJ.” Completely out of the blue, unprompted. It didn’t make any sense. The most wonderful thing had just happened the night before, why did it have to end so soon?

But it didn’t matter, because it did end, and when TJ tried to text him back, all he got was a message saying that he’d been blocked. So, he figured he had a pretty valid reason to be crying on and off for the next few days, you know, considering he just lost the one person who knew him better than anyone, who he lo— really liked. Actually, fuck it, he loved him. A lot. And now he was gone.

When trying to go up to him and talk to him the next day, he was only thrown a pitiful look from Andi and Buffy, with the latter adding, “I’m sorry, but you have to go, TJ.”

Cyrus never even looked up at him.

The two drifted apart after that, and although it was entirely agonizing for TJ, he dealt with it. Most of the time, at least. If his line of sight drifted over to the brunette boy every once in a while during lunch, it was nobody’s business.

The worst part of it all was having to start high school without Cyrus. He was a lone wolf for the most part, considering the friend group stopped talking to him when Cyrus did, despite the sorry looks still thrown his way sometimes. He started talking to Reed again, who luckily had apparently learned his lesson from the gun incident. He actually kept up with his school work, and he didn’t make as many dumb jokes anymore. Plus, he came out as pan during that year, so TJ could at least relate to him a little bit more. TJ got more involved in basketball, and he occasionally went to GSA meetings now that he was out, just to scope it out and maybe meet some new people. Definitely not to run into an old friend, an old almost.

10th grade was normal throughout the majority of the year. He was finally starting to really get over the whole Cyrus situation, and although he got nostalgic over it sometimes, he knew that it was in the past. There was nothing he could do about it now. He got more help in math and got his first A-, which he may or may not have cried over, and he picked up soccer alongside basketball. He’d gotten really busy, so he didn’t spend a ton of time with friends unless they were his teammates, but the soccer players were nice enough, and he didn’t expect his friendship with Reed to last long, anyway.

This is why he was surprised to hear a text notification from his phone at the end of practice, thinking it would be an out of nowhere text from Reed. It sure as hell was an out of nowhere text, but it wasn’t exactly from Reed.

It was from Cyrus.

It read, “I have some explaining to do if you’ll let me. You know where I am.”

TJ almost didn’t want to go. It had been nearly two years since they’d last spoken, since they’d last seen each other. It took him two years to get over what had happened. Did an explanation even matter at this point? It would just be a nuisance, wouldn’t it?

At the same time, what had happened never really gave him closure. He never even got to say goodbye to him. It was going great, and then it wasn’t. TJ kinda wanted to know why.

He shoved his things into his bag and sling it over his shoulder, sneaking out without anyone noticing he was gone. Not like that was any different.

Tj walked over to the swings, nostalgia hitting him in waves, his eyes getting misty for what felt like no reason. When he arrived, he noticed two things: the swings were way rustier and more covered in cobwebs than he remembered, and that he would always recognize the back of the head of a certain brunette in an instant. He walked up slowly, unsure of how to approach this entire situation. He didn’t have to, though, because Cyrus looked behind him the second he heard footsteps. “You came.”

TJ sighed and blinked hard, forcing the light out of his eyes. “Of course I came.”

“You wanna sit?” Cyrus asked, grabbing the chain of the swing next to him.

“I-I’m good,” TJ mumbled in reply, simply stepping a bit closer.

Cyrus sighed heavily, standing up to face TJ. “So I have a lot of explaining to do.”

“Yeah, you already said that in your text,” TJ said, lifting up his hand that held his phone.

“I don’t even know where to start.”

TJ scoffed unintentionally. The old TJ would’ve done that in a heartbeat, but he’d changed. Or at least he had once. “How about the beginning? Why’d you stop talking to me? Everything was going so great, why’d it have to end so soon?”

“That’s a long story,” Cyrus muttered, twiddling his fingers.

TJ responded shortly. “That’s why I’m here, Cyrus.” After a beat of silence, he added, “Look, if you don’t want to talk about it, that’s fine, we can just go back to ignoring each other like we have been for the past two years. It’s not a big deal.”

“It is to me,” Cyrus replied, sounding the most sure of himself then than he did during the entire conversation. “You really want to know?”

“I wouldn’t have shown up if I didn’t, Cy.” The nickname didn’t mean to slip out, but he couldn’t help himself. Old habits die hard, he supposed.

Cyrus opened his mouth to say something, but stopped himself. “Can we please sit down for this?”

“Fine,” TJ said, taking a seat next to Cyrus, neither of them kicking their legs up to move.

“I was so excited about us, TJ, you have no idea. I even woke up smiling, I remember. That was my first mistake. I went downstairs to get breakfast, and my stepmom saw how happy I was, so she asked about it. I figured, she’s never said anything bad about the LGBT+ community before, plus she’s a therapist so she must deal with gay patients all the time, so I wanted to tell her about me. And us. So I did.” Cyrus took a deep breath. “That was my second mistake.”

TJ’s face dropped. “Oh my g—“

“I’m not done,” Cyrus cut him off. That was new. TJ wondered if he had any influence in that.

“She called my dad in the room and told him what I told her, as if there was something wrong with it. She started bawling, saying that she was so disappointed that I would never had kids, and that I was too young to really know what I’m talking about, and that this is what happens when I hang out around ‘delinquents like you’. And my dad didn’t help either, he just stood there fuming. They made me send you that text, and block you on everything, and stop talking to you, and I did it because I’m a coward and I couldn’t handle being such a... disappointment.”

TJ gently put his hand on Cyrus’ shoulder. “Cyrus, that’s horrible. I’m so, so sorry that you had to go through that alone.”

“Yeah, well, they wanted to keep it under wraps because they were so ashamed about it, so they never told anyone, including my mom and stepdad, so at least I felt more comfortable with them. I only told Andi and Buffy about it. Buffy actually wanted me to go behind their backs and keep seeing you anyway because she saw how happy you made me, but I just couldn’t do that to them.”

TJ sighed, bringing his arm back down and leaning back a bit without falling off his seat. “I get it, I still haven’t come out to my parents yet because I’m pretty positive they’re homophobic, but what they don’t know won’t hurt them, you know? And at least you were able to talk to the girls about it, even if they didn’t fully understand it.”

A small smile appeared on Cyrus’ face as he let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. “Yeah. I’m really grateful for them.”

TJ smiled softly, happy to finally get some closure over what had happened between them. He quickly furrowed his eyebrows, however, asking, “There’s one thing I don’t get, though.”

“Hm?”

“Why’d you want to tell me now? After two years of not talking?” TJ asked, no undertones or cruelty or judgement, just curiosity.

Cyrus chuckled to himself. “I didn’t know if I would have to explain this part or not. Guess I do.”

“Hey.” TJ places his hand on Cyrus’. “I’ve already forgiven you, okay? You don’t need to be worried anymore.”

“I am anyway, you should know that,” Cyrus joked, then took a deep breath. “Anyway, my stepmom and my dad said that they had to move because the shrink office they operate out of relocated. And we got in a pretty big fight, and I brought up the whole gay thing again because they basically disregarded it and pretended it didn’t happen for like a year and a half which is pretty damn frustrating, and they said that I might as well live with my mom and stepdad, so I said that yeah, I might as well. And, well, now I do, and I only have to go see my other set of parents every month since they still technically share custody of me. But, they’re not a problem anymore, TJ.”

“That’s great! Wait—”

“I can talk to you again, if you want me to,” Cyrus mumbled, a bashful smile on his face.

“I mean, of course I want to talk to you again, Underdog.”

Cyrus smiled and bit his lip at the oh so familiar nickname.

“But—“

And then his face dropped.

“If you were thinking about anything more than that, anything romantic, you know, I don’t know if I’m ready for that,” TJ explained, trying to word his emotions as carefully as possible.

“That’s,” Cyrus exhaled, “fine. I wasn’t expecting to jump into anything, anyway. I just really wanted you back in my life,” he chuckled.

“I’m glad, I wanted you back too,” TJ replied, a goofy grin on his face that could only be induced by Cyrus.

Cyrus groaned, leaning back and almost falling out of his swing, “You have no idea how hard these past two years have been, oh my goodness!”

TJ laughed, his first real laugh in a long time, “I know, right?”

Cyrus looked down, then back at TJ. “At least we don’t have to face it alone anymore.”

TJ simply giggled in response, just so, so grateful for having him back.

Flash forward two months, it was as if the two had never been separated in the first place. TJ began sitting with their friend group at lunch again, everyone genuinely happy to see him. They all went to his basketball and soccer games, Cyrus bringing posters every time, while he tagged along with the group for Buffy’s basketball games and Jonah’s frisbee meets. He and Cyrus frequently went on “hangouts”, which Andi and Buffy loved to tease Cyrus about. And, it was on one of those hangouts when TJ finally got the guts to do what he’d been wanting to do for two years.

They went out for ice cream on a Saturday evening, and were sitting on a park bench enjoying their chocolate soft serve and blueberry vanilla twist (guess who’s who). TJ looked over to Cyrus, who had some ice cream on his face, and it was almost subconscious the way he lifted his hand to wipe it off. Cyrus looked right into his eyes, and TJ knew then and there that he could get lost in those chocolate galaxies for the rest of his life. His hand stayed on Cyrus’ cheek, and he whispered as if he would break the moment if he spoke any louder when he asked, “Can I try something?”

Cyrus didn’t even answer, he simply quickly got the memo and leaned in to kiss TJ like he’d been wanting to for the past two months, or rather, two years. It didn’t quite feel like fireworks going off and a chorus singing behind them, it felt more like an electric shock going down each of their spines while a warm blanket was wrapped around their shoulders. They touched foreheads as they pulled apart, giggling to themselves, because it finally happened. Two years of waiting, and neither of them would’ve traded it for anything in the world if they knew it would’ve ended like that.

Finally.

#andi mack #tyrus #cyrus goodman #tj kippen #my fic #my writing #fic

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undermoonlightst · 5 years

Text

Disruption Ch. 1 (Series) (Smut) (Jeon Wonwoo)

Request:

@iidknanmollaa: “What about a Wonwoo or Vernon smut where you are friends with benefits and when you tell them you have a date they get jealous because they lowkey fell for the reader ;) I just found your blog and now I’m obsessed thanks :*”

A/N: MY FIRST SERIES AYYYY. I’m so happy to present this to you guys WOO. Thank you so much to @iidknanmollaa for requesting and a very special thank you to @teampandawang for creating this beautiful mood board for the series. I hope you guys enjoy the first chapter to my very first series. I put a lot of time and effort into it. Enjoy! -ren 💕

Pairing: Jeon Wonwoo x Reader

Summary: You’ve been in love with Wonwoo since high school, but he can’t take a hint. What happens when he experiences a nasty break up and runs to you, asking you to do something that best friends probably shouldn’t do...?

Warnings: eventual smut (not yet, relax it’s coming i promise bitch), swearing, suggestive themes

Words: 2.9k

Ch. {1}

“Alright. No strings attached. Nothing emotional. No connection. Just sex.” Wonwoo remembered the vow you and him had made almost five months ago. You were both recovering from painful breakups (or at least, he was anyway) and the two of you just needed some release, a coping mechanism. Friends with benefits. At first, it seemed that not falling in love with you would be easy. A piece of cake. The two of you weren’t actually attracted to each other like that, you were just both in it for the sex. Right?

Sure, in the beginning at least. You and Wonwoo had been friends for years and he had always seen you as basically a sister to him. You annoyed him, you teased him, you copied off his homework in high school, and you threatened every girl that had heart eyes for him to not break his heart. Or else. You looked out for him. Wonwoo saw you as a loyal friend, but you saw him as the man of your dreams that couldn’t take a fucking hint. For the past eight years, it was obvious to every body but him that you were madly in love with him. After some time, you finally had to accept the excruciating truth that Wonwoo didn’t love you back. It hurt like hell and you cried constantly, but through it all you still stuck to his side and supported him in everything he did. Even when he got a girlfriend. If your heart had not been broken before, now it was torn to shreds. You didn’t dare show him that you were upset, that you thought she wasn’t good enough. Which by the way, she wasn’t. She didn’t understand Wonwoo like you did and she didn’t appreciate his quirks that made him who he was. She was selfish and needy and you were forced to watch as she slowly sucked the life out of your best friend. She diminished him down to nothing and the longer the relationship dragged on, the angrier you became. “You deserve better!” You remember yelling at Wonwoo as he slouched on your living room couch, his face in his hands. “A partner is supposed to lift you up, make you feel special! Not drag you down to the pits of hell and make you fight their demons for them!” You were pacing around the living room, your face red with anger. Wonwoo rubbed his temples, his face pale, like someone had sucked all the color from his cheeks. “I know. I don’t need you yelling at me, (Y/N).” He breathed hoarsely. You stopped pacing circles around your living room table and stared at him softly. “I just want you to be happy.” Sadness washed over you and you felt tears sting your eyes. Wonwoo looked like a corpse, and his bitch of a girlfriend was to blame. You would never treat him like she did. “I hate seeing you like this. I miss my best friend, I miss the man I-“ You skidded your sentence to an immediate stop. In your moment of weakness you had almost said “the man I love”. You swallowed your emotions down your throat and Wonwoo looked up at you weakly. You shared a moment of eye contact and you saw his pain through his gaze. The tears became harder to hold back. As soon as he saw your eyes watering, Wonwoo stood up from the couch and pulled you into his arms, squeezing tightly. Fuck. This moment was supposed to be about you comforting Wonwoo but instead, you lost yourself and it ended with him comforting you. You mentally cursed yourself but hugged him back. Wonwoo pulled back slightly to look down at you. “Thank you so much, (Y/N). I’m so grateful for you. You’ve always been there for me.” He whispered against your hair and your heart thumped painfully against your chest. You gripped his sweatshirt, unwilling to let go, a headache from all the emotion you were experiencing making you feel dizzy. As you clung to your handsome best friend, inhaling his boyish scent that you loved so much, you just wished he was yours. Words could not describe how much you wanted him. I’ll always be here for you, Jeon Wonwoo. That same night, Wonwoo broke up with his bitchy girlfriend. You were secretly happy about it; you couldn’t deny that. Yet, your heart also ached for Wonwoo. He sunk into depression. You didn’t ask him how the breakup went with his now ex, but you were positive she must have gave him an earful of insults and “fuck you”’s. A week after Wonwoo’s breakup, you found out your own boyfriend was cheating on you and had been cheating on you for a while. You weren’t nearly as upset, he was just a fill-in to distract you from Wonwoo (It didn’t work, honestly). Everyone knew your heart belonged to your best friend. Maybe that’s why your boyfriend cheated, because he knew. You broke up with him maybe a little too quickly, low-key happy to be done. And after a few days, that’s when it happened. Wonwoo had stumbled into your apartment, his cheeks tinted pink and a layer of sweat dripping from his bangs. “(Y/N).” The way he huffed out your name desperately. Like you were the only one that could save his life. You would remember that tone for a long time. You stared at him in confusion at the kitchen table, a spoon full of cereal halted in place halfway to your lips. “Are you okay?” Nervousness laced your voice. He shook his head, running a hand through his sweaty hair and giving you a look that you didn’t recognize. “I came up with an idea.” He tried to sit down in the chair across from you at the table but got antsy and jolted back up to his feet. “But it’s probably a fucking terrible idea and you’ll hate it.” Your eyebrows knitted together. “Okay....?” Was all you could reply with. “It’s just that...I...” Wonwoo threw his hands up in the air and started aimlessly walking around the kitchen. He looked deeply frantic and worry crept over you. “What’s wrong with you?” You asked in the nicest tone you could muster. Wonwoo groaned loudly and slapped his hand down on the kitchen counter forcefully. “I can’t take it anymore, (Y/N)!” He yelled, bringing his hand up to to rub his temple. “I think about her constantly! I can’t get my mind off of her, off of what I could have done differently to save the relationship. I can’t stand it, the thought is eating me away!” You felt the oh-so-familiar sharp pain stab your heart. You felt it every time Wonwoo talked about his ex. You couldn’t stand that she got his heart. You couldn’t stand that he was in love with her and not you. You didn’t mean to, but you unintentionally zoned out while Wonwoo was talking, your mind suddenly focusing on the pain you were feeling in your heart instead of his words. Your spoonful of cereal was still frozen in the air, your eyes sadly sunken into your lap. Stop feeling sorry for yourself, you thought. But it was no use. “...And so I came up with this horrible, fucked-up idea that could maybe help me get my mind off of her, and you’re the only person I trust to ask to do this. But, you can absolutely say no and I would one hundred percent understand if you said no, okay?” You nodded slowly, only halfway listening as your eyes still laid on your bowl of cereal. There was silence. For a long time. It was so silent that you could hear the ringing in your own ears. After what felt like forever, Wonwoo finally spoke, his voice shaky. “Can you have sex with me?” You were so startled out of your thoughts that you dropped your spoon, sending it flying into your bowl and splashing milk onto your shirt. The milk was the least of your concerns. “W-what?” Your eyes shot up to Wonwoo’s and you noticed his face had gotten significantly redder. “You don’t have to!” He shook his hands in front of him. “I just thought-“ “Why me?” Your heart was pounding in your chest. Of course, you would be lying to yourself if you had said you’d never fantasized about being in bed with Wonwoo. Yet, not like this. “Because I don’t have sex with just anyone! It can’t be with just anyone! I trust you! I’m not looking for just a one-night stand! And I just thought that maybe it could help you too because you’re going through the same thing as me. I thought maybe it could help you get your mind off of him as well.” He pulled on his dark hair forcefully and you could see the stress written across his face. Shit. You never thought about that cheating bastard you used to call your boyfriend. The only man you could never get your mind off of was Wonwoo and he was currently, boldly asking you for sex. “Why sex?!” You yelled. Wonwoo looked at the floor, unsure how to answer. “Because... it’s a stress reliever. It’s like alcohol, it temporarily dissolves all your problems.” He didn’t even seem convinced himself. Emphasis on the word “temporarily”. That’s why people are alcoholics, because it only gets rid of their problems for a short amount of time and they keep having to come back for more. If you and Wonwoo start having sex to “temporarily” solve his problems, he could potentially constantly be coming back for more. With your sickening love for him, you couldn’t pinpoint if this was a good thing or a bad thing. You dug your nails hard into the kitchen table. “Sex is intimate! It’s shared between two people who love each other and we are best friends! Not lovers!” Your voice rose an octave in pitch and your face turned pink with anger. Wonwoo flinched at your harsh tone. “I know! It’s a bad idea, I’m sorry.” He breathed sadly. You saw his Adam’s apple bob quickly. “I don’t want you to think that I want to take advantage of you or damage our friendship. I just thought for a period of time we could be...” “Friends with benefits...” Your voice was hoarse at the realization of what Wonwoo was asking of you. He nodded. “It’s stupid. Forget about it. Forget that I ever brought it up. I’m really sorry.” Wonwoo suddenly sounded humiliated, like he finally realized what the fuck he was asking for. He quickly got ready to leave and your mind panicked, registering that you may never get a chance like this again. You panicked so much so fast that you couldn’t even think properly. Your heart made a decision for you and left the brain out. “Fine.” Was all you said. Wonwoo froze in place. “W-what?” He slowly turned around. “I’ll do it.” You stood up from the kitchen table and Wonwoo’s eyes widened in shock. “Look.” He waved his hand in front of him. “It’s a dumbass idea. I don’t want to risk our friendship-“ “It won’t. I promise it won’t. Maybe let’s just start with some kissing first... and see if we want to go further from there? And... you’re right. I think I could use this too. It would help me not think about my ex.” You mentally laughed at your bold-faced lie about your ex. You never thought about him. In fact, you’ve almost forgot his name. Wonwoo stuttered frantically. “Are you... are you sure?” You nodded slowly, but confidently. You didn’t even fully fathom the damage that this agreement could do to your life and your friendship with Wonwoo, but for some odd reason you were willing to risk it all. There was almost complete silence for several seconds, minus the sound of you wiping away the spilled milk on the table. “Should we... start... tonight?” You could almost hear Wonwoo’s audible swallow. You laughed nervously. “Do you want to?” You looked up at him and you were met with a gaze of fear mixed with a lot of...need. “Yes.” He whispered. The time in between was a blur; it was mainly just you trying to make small talk with your best friend as you slowly, very slowly, made your way into the bedroom. Wonwoo actually looked rather adorable to you as he followed you to your room. His face was blushed a soft pink from embarrassment, his dark brown eyes frantically watching your every single move. “Relax.” You snorted. Wonwoo looked down at your shaking hands. “You’re one to talk.” He grinned softly and you realized it was the first time you’d seen him smile in a long time. You threw your hands behind your back out of embarrassment. You beckoned him closer to you and he hesitantly followed, stopping a few inches in front of you. You felt your heart racing painfully, but you tried your hardest to push aside your feelings for the sake of the moment. “Are you sure you wanna do this?” He whispered, his tall figure looking down at you. You nodded, annoyed with his sudden hesitance even though it was his idea in the first place. “Let’s just let it happen naturally.” Wonwoo scoffed. “Naturally. I’m going to try to fuck my best friend naturally.” You rolled your eyes. “I said we’d start with just some kissing first, and then we’ll see if we want to go farther from there.” “Ah, that changes everything. Now, I’m going to try to naturally kiss my own best friend.” Wonwoo clipped sarcastically. “This was your idea, dumbass.” You were starting to get impatient. “I know.” Wonwoo sighed. You could tell he was just stalling out of nervousness. You quickly went to your bedroom light switch and flipped it off, darkness engulfing the room. Now all you could see was just a tall, shadowy form across your room. “Why?” You heard Wonwoo’s deep voice. “So you don’t have to see that it’s me you’re kissing.” You laughed awkwardly. You blindly tried to make your way back to Wonwoo, your hands out in front of you as you walked forward. Your heart skidded to a stop when you felt his hands find yours and softly pull you close to him. You looked up into the darkness and you felt Wonwoo’s hot breath on your face. Your pulse was dancing and you wondered just how close his lips currently were to yours. “Ready?” You whispered breathlessly. “Ready.” Wonwoo, who was still holding onto your hands, intertwined his fingers with yours and you mentally cursed him for acting so romantic. You kept your face tilted up, waiting for his lips to find yours. His breath was getting closer and you closed your eyes out of both fear and excitement. First, his nose gently brushed against yours, and then... You gasped quietly when Wonwoo pressed a surprisingly deep kiss against your lips. His lips were warm and soft and fuck... It was your fantasy come true at last. You were kissing your best friend. Or at least, that’s what it was to him. To you, you were kissing the love of your life. Finally. Maybe it was for the wrong reasons, but at the moment, your heart didn’t give a shit. Wonwoo pulled away too quickly and you felt yourself leaning towards him, silently asking for more. You didn’t have to ask for too long as his lips found yours again. This time he kissed a bit harder, sucking on your bottom lip softly before pulling away. Your knees almost buckled when you felt his tongue swipe across your lips, asking for access. You opened your mouth and you felt him kiss you for the third time, this time his tongue sliding into your mouth to find yours. You felt dizzy and your skin was tingling from the sensation of Wonwoo kissing you passionately. You didn’t expect him to go this far this fast. You thought it would take twenty minutes to get him to French kiss you. But now here he was, his tongue exploring your mouth gently. He suddenly pulled away, catching his breath. “You’re a good kisser.” He panted quietly. Your face felt like it was on fire. “T-thanks. So are you.” Wonwoo let go of one of your hands and brought his free one up to your cheek to cup it gently. You blushed at his fragile hold on your face. The redness deepened drastically when you felt him begin to press soft pecks across your cheek and jawline. Your mouth fell open and you fought back the urge to moan as Wonwoo made his way down to your neck, sucking tenderly on the sensitive skin. You let your head tilt back as far as it could to give him access to every part of your neck. Wonwoo sighed appreciatively as if you had read his mind and greedily explored the rest of your neck, nibbling it occasionally and sucking pink marks into the skin. Your thighs were shaking and you had already begun to sweat a bit from the overwhelming sensations.

Wonwoo parted from your neck with a sloppy pop, and you swallowed a whine of disappointment. The disappointment quickly faded away when he slammed his lips back into yours, his hand that held yours squeezing tightly. He pulled away but kept his mouth centimeters from your own. You could feel him hesitating and you knew what was about to happen next.

“Do you want to go a little farther?”

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badlydrawndrawnings · 4 years

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A take I been trying to put into words since December

Canonically, Haru says she won’t forgive Goro, but she knows how he feels when it comes to their fathers. So like, in my interpretation of the Engine Room Scene (ERS) and beyond with the idea Goro is dead, to summarize a quote something from my Kamen Rider fandom days (I usually apply this to all the PT honestly), they will never forgive Goro but would willingly put flowers on Goro’s grave...if Goro had one. Imagine a group of teens and a cat placing flowers at the National Diet they’ll get weird looks.

So, when it comes to Goro and being alive post ERS (I hate the whole Schrodinger Goro situation Atlus did just accept the mess you created) I am a bit lenient on fan art and fanfiction that has Haru forgiving Goro, in part because the fan works I seen this happening are usually set several years after Persona 5 (or just a few years). There’s usually a natural off-screen development of Haru’s feeling changing and forgiving Goro (or show it in its glory).

I personally don’t think they can be friends even if/when Haru forgives Goro but I do think that eventually, they can hold a normal conversation with one another without too many hard feelings. But my hot take isn’t about this route. My hot take is that I don’t like fanart and fanfiction of Haru being over the top violent to Goro that borderlines has her murdering him. Look, I can see a punch or a slap, but I legitimately can’t see Haru randomly decides to pull out a weapon and pretty much leaving him for almost dead or actually dead.

Yes, Haru as a sadistic side, but remember that Haru tried talking to Goro during the ERS in hopes he can make a second to last life changing moment when Cognitive!Goro showed up. And in Royal, Haru is glad that Goro (Real or Not it’s a Goro) took responsibility for his actions and seems to be at peace with it. This peace allowed her to perfectly willing to work with him again like she would have done if Cognitive!Goro haven’t shown up. A Haru who made peace certainly won’t do anything violent on a person who admits responsibility for his actions.

And it makes sense. Haru never wanted her dad dead, and doesn’t want to kill anymore for that ‘justice’. Haru knows her dad is honestly really shitty or most of her teenage life (maybe pre-teen too my timeline is jumble up at the moment). Not only that, Haru knows her dad used his future killer to order breakdowns and/or shutdowns to fuel his goals of reaching the top (and that engagement to Sugimura was made for a reason).

So it bothers me to hell and back to see people basically turning Haru into a murderer who is killing Goro for ‘justice’. I do enjoy the idea that Haru can hurt Goro, but for me it can’t include violence at all.

This is part two to this post here, but you don’t actually need to read it for this.

This really makes sense if Goro decides to show up alive and working the Shadow Ops in another spinoff. Goro can’t go to regular jail for his mostly supernatural crimes I figure after getting revealing to be alive and getting busted on a non-supernatural crime the Shadow Ops did their research and pull strings to get Goro serve time under their heavy watch look it’s the best option I can think of okay.

Haru may have peace with everything that Goro done but it’s freaking hard to keep it up like he was dead and now he’s not. She slap him and that didn’t really a reaction from Goro (not help it’s totally random) and Haru has some standards she doesn’t want to beat up Goro she’s scare she may kill him and Haru doesn’t want to have blood on her hand.

Words can be sharper than the sword (or ax blade) and Haru decides to guilt trip Goro about her father’s death. She sometimes ‘mock’ Goro and Shido’s own father-son relationship at times and brings up Shido a lot and compare her to her good memories of Okumura Sr, but it slowly starts to work less and less to where Goro doesn’t reaction (his reactions are of annoyance and anger and that’s good enough for Haru). And it turns out Goro made peace with what Cognitive!Goro said in the ERS about himself, with him accepting he just wanted to ruin Shido’s career and life at the end of the dad there’s not a real personal emotional stake there anymore.

Haru is now like, super annoyed with this development and keeps it to herself until it builds up over time. She ends up deciding to take jab at Goro’s dead mother about her life choice or career when Goro got visitation rights to visit Joker (the others are curious to see how Goro is under this heavy watch so they always tag along). it’s something so harsh and nasty that basically it’s something a real rich bitch who thinks poorly of sex workers would say. So obviously, this hidden rich bitch inside Haru that she didn't even know exist says it out of annoyance/anger, and Haru is at first happy. She got through his armor at last.

And it’s going terribly wrong. Goro and Joker (this only works with Joker and Royal Knowledge of Goro’s past) are fighting and Goro is cursing at him Goro said that they cross a line he thought they would never do given some of the PT member’s own past with their mothers. Goro is all pissed at Joker for allowing this to happen ‘it was personal and sensitive and you made it out to be a sick joke like almost everyone else’ and Goro storms out of whatever they out and Joker goes after him and everyone is just ‘WTF JUST HAPPEN’. They’re thinking about what Goro said about his mother in the ERS and they’re come to the conclusion Goro told Joker something important that they don’t even know.

Joker and Goro are soon back but Goro isn’t willing to be in the same room at the moment until it gets clear up. Joker tells them all that Goro told Joker personal and sensitive information and Goro thought Joker told them all and was under the conclusion they possibly hypocrites and had some double standard when it came to mothers who don’t fit society standards and careers.

The PT is freaking out now, and Joker tells them Goro’s mom was a prostitute. Shido was a client, and the two decided to have something more, leading to Goro’s birth, and Joker explains how she tried to basically work part time for Goro’s sake. Everyone is taking it in slowly because ‘this is heavy’. Haru is freaking the f*ck out and tells Joker that she didn’t know she swears on her life. Everyone is trying to calm down Haru because they believe her but they realize it’s just a matter of the PT trying to convince Goro they don’t know and aren’t judgmental of Goro’s mother choice of career. And like, Goro decides to tell them that he knows now and they decide to not bring up the subject again out of respect for his mother (it helps Goro tells them that he never blamed his mother and her career for his situation it was just Shido only and Goro overreacted).

This is now awkward as hell territory because we have the supernatural hitman that is Goro who killed two of the PT’s parents and unintentionally cruel shaming of a prostitute from Haru and everyone can see they don’t want to even be in the same room anymore. Goro and Haru don’t talk or interact with each other than a few ‘hello’ or ‘goodbye’. It gets real bad where Goro bails out more than Haru. And Ryuji -who from the link above would be the one who makes the first move on forgiving Goro sans Joker- tells Haru that Goro still thinks at times they’re talking shit about his mother behind his back and Ryuji is trying get Goro to understand they aren’t they all mutually agree they’ll just roast Goro and Shido.

The message eventually gets across because Haru apologizes about disrespecting Goro’s mother (she explains she’s not apologizing to Goro per say just his mother) and Goro accepts it. Haru and Goro go back on their usual terms: awkward conversations that aren’t longer than five sentences that are safe and boring topics like weather, food (which Haru realize food is Goro’s go to topic it’s a real safety net), and coffee. On one topic about food Goro slips up and mentions his mother and her ‘cooking’ (which is just her microwaving food yes it’s an anime detail but it works with Royal info of her). Haru ends up telling Goro -and I say this because there is little information of Mrs. Okumura- that she has no idea if her mom is dead or alive (Haru tells him she thinks her mom is dead), which is why she is -was- close to her father. It another level of awkward and they carry on the topic as if it never happen.

So eventually Haru decides that enough is enough and she needs to get a better picture of her dad’s action with the conspiracy. Haru tears off the bandage and asks Goro to talk about her father when he was working with Shido’s conspiracy, and everyone starts to freak out. Goro even wars her that what her dad did could really change her perspective. Haru doesn’t care and just wants to know all the dirt her father had and the group itself if Goro has to tell.

It takes several weeks/months because they’re not in each other presence 24/7 anymore, but Goro eventually keeps his end of the bargain. He tells every dirty secret the conspiracy had and what they order for Goro to do, and her dad has a something of a list (and the nude Wild Duck Burger Worker makes sense now Haru actually asks Goro if she can reveal this to the others it’s just...wild and Goro agrees to it). At the end of airing the laundry Haru thanks Goro and tells him she needs to think it all over.

When they meet up again -could be a year or two or more; Goro’s ‘time’ prevents from being free to do whatever 24/7- Haru and Goro have a real solo talk with one another without the other PT members interfering and being nosy. And it turns out that Goro did his own thinking as well.

So Goro reaffirms Haru’s thoughts that he will never apologized for Okumura Sr’s death (Haru suspects this will never actually change). Haru is shock to learn that Goro will however, apologized for taking Haru’s chance to properly make sense of her feelings of her dad post-change of heart and whether or not she wanted to truly forgive him post-change of heart. Goro even says this was partly inspired by Haru’s own apology about his mother’s career and Haru owning up to her actions because Haru could have kept it under the bridge but didn’t, and Goro realize he can do it too.

On Haru’s side of the conversation, she admits that with this much time to think things over and what she learn of her father, what she hates the most of her father’s death (other than a possible second chance with the idealize father Haru remembers from her childhood) is that she can never properly get to tell him her feelings and his wrongdoings towards her. Sure Haru can say it to a photo of him or his grave/urn, but it’s not the same as saying it to his face. Haru had that much anger (and hate) towards her had for a long time and felt rob, and she is glad that Goro recognizes his actions at last and is apologizing for that at least.

In a way, that helps Haru realize she can slowly forgive Goro, and says it as much. But she makes it clear they are never going to be friends, and Goro is fine with that; he just wants their situation to be more civil than before. And then they go on the topic of food like always and Haru makes plans for everyone to eat at a Big Bang Burger restaurant because Goro let it slip that he never ate there and Haru is almost insulted that Goro ‘worked’ for Okumura Foods (it’s a stretch and they both know it) and never tried a product before.

Honestly this is just my interpretation of how Haru and Goro evolution of their no-way-they’ll-become-friends-but-will-be-okay-in-each-other-presence-relationship would be without the violent takes but the harshness of the violent takes like we need some drama but not a murder drama.

#goro akechi #haru okumura #p5r spoilers #persona 5 royal spoilers #persona 5 the royal spoilers #persona 5 #persona 5 royal #persona 5 the royal #this is a text post

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archer3-13 · 5 years

Text

Thoughts on Other Students in 3H

in no particular order

Hubert: evil snake boi, i kinda like you. i just wish there was more actual meat to ya then what there is. still, he does his role effectively and unlike edelgard plays into the whole evil empire thing with more gusto so i ironically find him more palatable because atleast the game isnt trying to pretend he isnt shady as fuck.

Dedue: oddly charming despite his straight laced attitude, he gets some interesting nuance in how well he highly respects (cough loves cough) dimitri and likes individual people from the blue lions, he doesnt have any particular fondness for faerghus as a whole which is definitely understandable given his history. hes essentially using the camus/murdoch aspect of undying loyalty and even borrows elements of the female camuses line of romantic interest in their liege however heavily implied it might be and applying that to a male playable character. Plus he just has some fun and interesting interactions with other characters in general.

Lorenz: I have difficulty saying whether i like him. on the one hand, he ended up being more multidimensional then i thought he was going to be with his internal conflict between keeping up appearances for the sake social status and societal order and his desire to pursue his own personal interests and ideals against the needs of his father and thus societal conventions. on the other hand, the game never really runs with this as much as it should and hes still treated as a bit of a joke character so... c+ to b?

Ingrid: the token heterosexual of the blue lions whos still kinda gay anyways, her whole struggle with being a knight over a housewife seems a bit odd on the surface considering theres plenty of female knights and no one throws much of a fuss in universe, until you learn that it isnt so much that society expects her to do it as matter of course and more so that shes struggling with whether to pursue personal duty to her family or personal desires and ideals kinda like lorenz. in that respect she hits the mark a bit better then he does.

Raphael: kinda insubstantial but i liked him anyways, his sheer exuberance can be kinda refreshing in the games darker moments and hes got a few angles of his own such as his refusal to consider his parents deaths as part of a larger conspiracy so as to not hurt his friendship with ignatz nor ruin his own life and his sisters. plus hes just generally a nice guy. like a big huggable bear. just a shame that being a nice kinda dumb huggable bear is all thats really done with him.

Ignatz: his painting stuff and personal insecurities about wanting to do it over being a knight which his parents want him to do, more of that duty over desires and ideals thing again, is well enough and his probably misplaced guilt over raphaels misfortunes is definitely a highlight of him but he never really grabs as a character for some reason. probably because theres a lot of other characters in the game that hit those same marks and do it better then him.

Sylvain: has a lot of aspects that never really feel like they get proper follow up, his big thing is less womanizer and more so that he covers up his own mistrust and personal feeling by pretending to be a shameless flirt and philanderer. basically, maybe the emotional pain will go away if i flirt with girls and act the fool. but again there never really feels like theres any proper follow up for all this, others comment on it and then its more often then not dropped in story. hes fun enough but never really realized if that makes sense.

Caspar: shonen protagonist is kinda an apt word to describe him honestly, and that idealism of his clashes with the more grey on grey morality of the world hes within which is never a particularly bad direction to take the shonen bois in if done well like hunter x hunter. And he is done well, or at least satisfactorily to the point that hes another one i ended up liking more then i thought i would. his problem is more so that his interactions with most other characters in the main cast which feel duller then they should on most occasions.

Dorothea: probably gonna get a bit of shit for this, but i have no interest in her. her insecurities about her future and getting a good husband is well and interesting but manuela does that better honestly and outside of that dorotheas a bit... not shallow but hazy and insubstantial if you will. she obviously has appeal to people but like ignatz she failed to grab me in part because others did what she did and better within the game itself.

Ashe: soft boi chose to be soft instead of hard, one of the characters i found liking and one i expected to kinda like to begin with. in game he gets accused of being childish and naive a lot but i dont see it personally, hes not naive but more so tries to look for the best in people and in life like lonato did all those years ago for him. that said, the speed with which lonato dies damages his identity as a character a bit by happening before we really get a chance to feel for his relation to lonato, its not to big a bug bear as it doesnt hurt his character all that much but it does feel a bit frustrating.

Felix: teenage angst personified, his main gripes seem to be a distaste of warrior culture and its glorification of bloodshed and sacrifice but instead of approaching it with sadness or pacifism, he lashes out against what he feels is the unfairness of the world. hes not exactly wrong in his feelings and as a character it makes sense and works for his abrasive attitude, and its an interesting twist to the navarre type to have their isolation come not from stoicism nor sheer blood lust or a combo of the two but rather from a rage against the machine of society mindset.

Ferdinand: he got more interesting as i got farther along, and i personally feel he works the best as a character when going against edelgard since thats where more of his personal drama comes from. hes eager to succeed and prove himself worthy of his title over time and holds a chivalrous mindset very similar to others in the cast but his growth is less about learning how to hold onto those ideals in the face of reality for the sake of personal fulfillment but more so about learning to define himself by himself and not by societies needs. ultimately he comes to value chivalry not because its what people tell him to value but because he truly values it and i enjoy that. but its also why i feel he works better on other routes then edelgards since there hes still valuing himself not for himself but for the expectations society or edelgard in this case is placing him under, one tyrant for another in a sense. i admit i dont remember much about him on edelgards route though because i just like him more on the others.

Leonie: poorly timed support aside, she has an odd charm to her that a lot of modern fire emblem characters just dont have anymore. but knuckling past jeralt senpai shes an interesting blend of stingy and work effort that goes to inform itself and her relations to others. and like a lot of the golden deer she has a lackadaisical attitude of ‘i might not know what the fuck is happening, but i do know someone needs an ass whooping!’ and it works especially well in her case since her character is very attuned towards focusing more on her personal matters then the grand scheme of things because she has rent due in a few months. if she was in a more traditional fe set up she would definitely be a beowolf archtype that you need to pay to recruit. in fact im surprised thats not an option on other routes to begin with for her.

Hilda: honestly suprised me by not being a pure serra type. she has aspects of that on the surface with the selfish almost vain attitude towards life and others bur well serra is more about puffing herself up to hide insecurity and contribute towards a desperate desire for grand social status, Hilda downplays herself and her abilities due to living in her brothers shadow if unintentionally and seeing the stress it can bring. they’re both lazy and vain, on the surface anyways, always getting others to do their work for them but well serra seeks more social status to escape it hilda seeks less social status to escape it. plus it was kinda funny to see hilda act as claudes unofficial number 2 you could still recruit.

Lindhart: Sleepy boi needs a nap and thats kinda it really. exaggeration maybe but unlike a lot of characters in the game and the series as a whole he really doesnt have a reason to be there as a character. as a unit certainly but not a character, in terms of motivation anyways. He hates blood, fighting and violence, hed rather sleep or pursue personal interests then work or politics, hes insightful and intelligent but the important players in the plot have other advisers and hes not interested in stepping up in that regard anyways. his only real reason for being there is academic interest and even then a pin has to be put in that when war breaks out. hes not a bad character overall though, his sleepiness and insight make for an interesting double act along with his blunt mannerisms, i just have trouble pinning down motivations for him.

Mercedes: big team mom energy, which i suppose goes along with the whole being older then everyone thing. a bit dopey and airheaded at first glance shes one of the more receptive characters to how others are feeling and well she does try to nurture shes not above scolding if she feels it would help someone more then praise and reassurance. of course shes also very detached to events of the world mostly just there to help the people around her from the bottom rather then the top which is not an insult and more one of the things i find fascinating about her. it all makes for a very interesting character and one of my personal favorites of the cast.

Annette: overworker, issues with her dad, magic bubbly, and hits things with axes. a nice recipe of a character but it never feels as if the game can get it all to blend properly. more so to the point is that most of these elements work independently of each other and not to inform each other despite the games insistence. theres a lot of dramatic potential involving her father as well and though the game makes the best use of those aspects its not to the benefit of the rest of her character. it doesnt hurt her either though and she has some appealing dialogue with other characters.

Marianne: I had trouble getting to like her, perhaps more so then any other character among the other students. not because i hated her but because shes, well, very boring. alot of the characters in the game are into the self deprecation thing already and well her personality aspects of acting quite and submissive to fall into the background from a lack of self confidence it also feels like the game came up with two different explanations for it and couldnt settle on whether it was because of her adoptive fathers pressure or her families history and instead of weaving both together decided to use them interchangeably. Sometimes shes a wallflower because of her father and a lack of confidence to state her mind and self loathing over that lack of confidence, other times its because of her lineage and self loathing over her cursed history. never really at the same time.

Bernadetta: another odd favorite for me. recent support changes aside, the basic gist of her history remains the same in that her father was a tyrant in regards to her future which caused her to grow up with no confidence and a crippling fear of society, so shes already off to a good start as a character by basically doing mariannes schtik but better. well its hard for me to definitely say she ever grows past that as a character, thats fine in my opinion because her development is less stop being a recluse because society demands you dont and more so about making actual friends and learning that not all people are garbage fires just most of them. in most of her supports anyways. she just feels the most rewarding to interact with alright, and she was the one i always felt the most upset to mess up a speak thing with. Let us hug and stay inside watching cartoons together.

Petra: i went in wanting to like her and really liking her at first, but shes hit a middle of the road for me now. her speech gimmick wasn't particularly egregious and gets even less noticeable after the timeskip, but her actual character is a very straight forward ‘national pride demands independence’ package and doesnt really escape past that boundary all that much. its very understandable motivation, id even go so far as to say that shes the one with the best reasons to betray the empire of the black eagles characters, so like ferdinand i feel she works better outside of the black eagles in term of her own character identity and motivation/development as she finally stands up for her peoples right to exist on their own in an fe6 echidna kinda fashion. outside of that though shes... foreign to the other characters. thats kinda it.

Lysithia: as a unit she hits like a truck, as a character shes functional but hardly revolutionary for the series. i mean i did like her since i have a fondness for her archtype of weird magic prodigy poor social skills, but more so that she doesn't hit any particularly new notes in that regard. Shes a lot of lute, with some delthea childishness in her, some of sanakis sharper political wit and dark history, and a bit of miriels scientist on top. that said its all blended very nicely and she has some nice scenes for herself that got me to feel and care for her, some kinda adorable moments, and a history well woven into the games background and more so then most of the other deer and a lot of the other characters from across the houses in general. for a minor character anyways.

you may now all stone me to death.

#fire emblem #fire emblem three houses #fe3h #fe16

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poppyknitt · 5 years

Text

Thank you.

All of you have done so much good, I can’t even put it into words.

However, since I do have a bit of a story to tell, to sort of explain part of why I say this, and also to show how far I’ve come since I made this account, back in august, 2016, I will give you that.

In the last two weeks of March, 2017, I was given medications for my depression. To help them work, my anxiety medications’ dosage was halved.

The medications I was already on had a possible side effect of causing twitching, with symptoms similar to, but not unlike that of tic disorders like tourette syndrome and chronic tic disorder, so I might as well have just walked in and said “hey! why not fuck up my head a bit?” or something, because that’s basically the consequence of those six weeks of hell.

By the end, I couldn’t get through the day without at least one panic attack over my grades, band class, or a sudden inability to think anything but the repeating thought of “I can’t think, I can’t think, I can’t even fucking think!” (which is apparently a symptom of anxiety, so I literally was panicking over my own fucking anxiety-). So, that, and the fact that my adhd medicines (the other meds with that side effect I mentioned) weren’t working anymore, I was taken off of them before we could even see if they were helping me. That incident vastly increased the speed at which my anxiety has been getting worse, and on top of that, after only three or four weeks on them, I’d developed a tic that I would go on to blame on my adhd from then until I finally researched what tics actually were- A sort of thing triggered by immense levels of fidgeting that made me hand sort of... spazz out. I wasn’t, and still can’t control it. Thankfully, though, that tic doesn’t come up as much as the others I’ve developed over these past (almost) two years.

After that, in late august that year, a close friend i’d only met a few weeks before, in june or july, found my discord account, and started harassing me and another friend, because we were somewhat crushing on each other, and he also liked me. This is another thing I loosely refer to as “The Incident”, though, a lot of times, i just call it the Stalker Incident, because that’s what it felt like at the time.

My anxiety and depression tanked.

But that was also because that school year, although I tried to pull myself together to get it right, was the worst one of my life so far. My band teacher, whom I would later, in the late weeks of spring of this year, discover could be classified as an emotional/verbal abuser of not only me, but everyone in his classes, was finally in his second year of working at my school, and he was even worse than the year before. That was really bad to me, because I had his class two times a day, and, even, before the end of the first two semesters, in November and December, three times a day.

Basically, what he did to teach was he would constantly look for even the slightest of mistakes, and with the students who were unlucky enough to not be his favorites, a lot of times even just ignore whatever minor improvements you made. I was the worst affected, probably because I was already technically being physically and mentally abused at home (though, I didn’t know, and I still sorta deny that it was abuse at all, because sadly, even though it’s a fucked up fact, that’s just how you react to being abused by a family member...), although not as often, and also because of the two previous incidents that increased my anxiety a shit ton and tanked my depression a fuckload. It didn’t help that my parents constantly turned blind eyes to the case I had at home, and they didn’t have enough education on the symptoms of non-physical abuse on the mind to be able to recognize that something just wasn’t right. But, of course, because of a lot of the shit that happened previously during my hellish middle school life, I’d learned not to trust the word of the adults in my life, nor to trust them to take action whenever I expressed that something needed a drastic change, because it just wasn’t right. So, of course, I wasn’t just about to tell them my teacher was abusing me.

Anyways, so, yet again, I found that by the end of March, last year, I was right back in the same place as I had been during the six weeks- Not going a day without at least one or two minor panic attacks. At that point, I basically thought it was normal to have a tiny bit of panic every day, so I didn’t really stop to think “Oh, fuck, this is really bad, I should get help for this”, until like, late April or early May, when I broke down in literal tears because I couldn’t get even one little, 4-beat rhythm exactly right every single time I played it, and I was afraid I’d be yelled at again over it. Keep in mind, I was the best percussionist, out of 4, so he was probably way harder on me than the others for that reason. It was at that point that my friends started offering for me to help them take him to court a second time in two years over his treatment of the students. The first time he went to court was because he allegedly strangled an 8th grader back in the 2016-2017 school year. Charges were dropped on the first case for some reason (I blame misogyny and white supremacy, especially because this was in a small community of narcissistic, racist southern white people who were mostly conservatives, even if they didn’t think they were. if you can’t tell, i hate my hometown.), but I haven’t heard anything on the more recent one, since I transferred to a school in the neighboring city to escape my bullies and the hellish band teacher, both of which usually harassed me in the band room, but some of whom also extended to the other classes.

I had to quit percussion because I can’t go into the setup of a band room anymore without having a minor panic attack. Percussion was literally the only thing I consistently looked forwards to in middle school, because I could never rely on my friends to be there every day of every week in those three years, and I also barely actually had a chance to see any of them and enjoy their company. So, uh, yeah, I was pretty upset that I couldn’t bear the thought of playing in a band room anymore.

Once I was out of school that summer, everything changed for the better, because I had gotten accepted into the highschool I applied to. No more unknowingly abusive band teachers. Hell, not even any unintentionally abusive brothers, either, because he was going off to college. I don’t think I should have to explain how my brother was abusive, seeing as he literally didn’t seem to care about me at all until he got bored, and would proceed to hurt or terrorize me for fun, and laugh when I looked like I was going to have a heart attack, for fear of getting seriously injured. Sure, he didn’t give that many visible injuries, but that doesn’t mean shit in abuse cases. Abuse is abuse, no matter how many physical injuries are involved. There’s a reason there’s shit categorized as “emotional” and “verbal” abuse, dumbass. (sorry to those who knew that, I’m just trying to give the ignorant fucktards a little subtle warning before they send me an aggressive “oh, but it’s not really abuse if-“ bullshit ask or something. though, considering that they clearly wouldn’t know abuse when they see it, and think that just because there’s no visual physical wounds, it isn’t abuse, I doubt they’d even get that I was telling them to fuck off.)

So, basically, last summer was like, a godsend. The school year had left me truly hating myself for literally the first time ever in my life, and so, since my appearance was one thing I hated, I chose to dye my hair black, and get a new hairstyle, one I’d never had before (t was unintentionally not what I had imagined, but at the same time, I still liked it better than my usual). That saw my depression leaving me alone to the point that for the first time in literal years, I finally wouldn’t be able to say “I can’t remember what happiness feels like” without it being a lie anymore. I finally made progress to getting better, because I was nearly free of the things that plagued me in every year of my life up until then.

For the first time in my life, it seemed, I was finally being shown that I was capable of happiness, which, of course I had started to doubt before then.

School started.

I met @chaoticcrimsonrose , and, I also finally managed to fall in love without loosing the feelings a week or so later, all in the same day (I still am in love with that wonderful girl, though, we aren’t exactly a thing yet). I’m not gonna go into that, though, because that’s not the point.

The point of this next section is that Crimson reintroduced me to the Jacksepticeye and Markiplier fandoms. I had sort of been in them since 2013 or 2014, but I had only ever watched Mark’s five nights at freddy’s videos, and Jack’s undertale, as well as a few other videos from their channels on occasion (Plus, I didn’t actually realize there were fandoms for the boys until then). Since then, I’ve met so many wonderful, amazing people full of positivity and love for one another, and really, I honestly had the most fun in the last four or five months of 2018 that I think I’ve ever had. Hell, even now, and back in early October, when my depression spiked back up, and came back to shoot me straight through the head, I’m still enjoying myself every time I go on tumblr or discord, because of the wonderful people in their communities.

Between finding my passion in life, and finally being shown that I actually have talents, and the ones I was ashamed of, such as my art, were so much better than I ever even thought they were, everything started finally going right for me in the end of 2018. And, even if PMA doesn’t help me very much when I’m down, I still love the idea behind it, and I’ll continue to try to spread it, even when I’m down.

I love the communities Mark and Jack have started, and I love the people they’ve become. They’re basically what I’ve been aspiring to be for literal years- that kind, caring person, who doesn’t care for money, and would much rather you help out those in need, than give them free money. On top of that, they’re also amazing storytellers, and have such wild, cryptic imaginations. (I’ve actually been told by Crimson many times that I remind her of their creating/writing styles, and especially of the cryptic bullshit they do, which I find hilarious, because of how long I went without knowing about those facets of their personalities. Quite the coincidence, don’t you think?)

Anyways, to sum it up, I guess i’m just saying I’m so glad I found this place when I did; there literally couldn’t have been a better time for me to start meeting more people on the internet who truly care, that i’m not worried about telling all this to, because I know no one here will judge me for things that are out of my control. (And, well, considering how unpredictable the environment I’ve grown up in could get at any moment, I think it’s fair to say that I’ve sorta learned I don’t really have that much control over my life anymore (Thus the cryptic “i have no control” post i made yesterday or something, when i sorta started realizing just how little i actually do have, just to see if i freaked anyone out)-)

Thank you all,

for being so kind and welcoming and accepting.

Thank you all,

for being supportive and helpful to those who need input or hugs.

Thank you, all, so much,

for just being so wonderful. I don’t know where I would be without these communities.

(though, knowing how low I’ve sunken since thanksgiving, I might not’ve made it to 2019... so... yeah, really, huge thanks to all of you-)

———

Extra special appreciation:

@chaoticcrimsonrose - Thank you, so much, for being the person to show me these communities, and help me get more invested in things. You’re basically the kind of sibling I’ve always wished to have, and I couldn’t thank you more for being who you are so much. Also, another thing: The SDS really was your greatest idea. We’ve all only been on it for a few days, but... Holy shit, man, we’re all basically a family on there, and I love that. I don’t know what it would be like for me if we didn’t have the server, but honestly, I don’t want to know, either.

@rorald-spooks - Thank you, for being such a goofy doofus and always being there to cheer me up with your stupid cryptic dumbassery, no matter what I’m saying or feeling.

@startschantingpma - connie you’re a hecking idiot but ily because you’re awesome at what you do and deserve all the hugs-

@tiny-septic-puppet - Good god, man, we’ve come so far. I still vividly remember the day Crimson told me she’d been sending you my fics, and you’d been really enjoying them. That was so amazing to hear. But, like, to think we’ve now gotten to the point that you’re basically like a father to me is... really weird, but also fucking awesome. Ily, dad, don’t stop being epic.

@doodle-min : Mom, holy shit, you’re like, so amazing. I’m so glad we met, and I’m excited to go into 2019 with you and the rest of our wacky discord family. I really hope you keep up your awesome streak of the thing you mentioned, and I hope life keeps getting better and better for you; you deserve every bit of happiness.

@oliverissad - OLLIIIEEEEEE!!!! ILY!!! START TAKING BETTER CARE OF YOURSELF BECAUSE OTHERWISE IMMA HUNT YOU DOWN AND HUG YOU TILL YOU UN-SADIFY OKAY?! that goes for the rest of you doofuses too!!! >:v

@og-wilford-warfstache-discord - Fuck you! Don’t you “heh” me! Ily wilf okay don’t ever doubt that or imma take a page from moms book and imma slap you with cheese damn it-

@singular-dorito - UNC SCHNEP!! what? yeah idk i’m running out of unique things to say to appreciate people, whoops. but ye same goes for you as it does the rest of the fam-

and the rest of the SDS family, because i didn’t get any tumblr tags from the others- i lOVE AND APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU PLS DONT HURT YOURSELF OKAY YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY

@antis-loyal-puppet , as well as everyone on the jacksepticeye writing discord- Thank you all, for being so supportive of me, and being such a joy to have around. You’re all fuckin amazing, and I wouldn’t trade our friendships for the world.

And of course, I’d also like to thank Jack and Mark for being such amazing people, and being the whole reason I even know any of the dumb idiots I’ve tagged or mentioned in this post. You guys are killin the game!

i love all of you idiots. stay as pos as you can. i know way too well how hard it can be to do that, so, just,,, keep on tryin, mates, you deserve every bit of happiness if you’re reading this, even if I’ve never even once spoken to you or interacted with your stuff.

#jse community #markiplier community #happy 2019 #ily all #wholesome ramblings #i know it seems weird that i went on a tangent about myself #but i’ve literally been waiting two or three months to write the majority of this #the shit about discord is new occurrences but still

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storytimewithcort · 6 years

Text

Fresh Start (Part 3)

Fandom: Marvel, MCU

Basic Summary: Everyone’s favorite ol’ AU where we forget Infinity War ever happened! Loki and Thor are living with the Avengers because why not. Reader is hired to work for Tony and Pepper, and she and her son soon meet Loki. Etc Etc Etc - Part 3, A few months into her new job, Reader and Loki wash dishes together 😛

Pairing: Loki x Reader (Single Mom Reader)

Warnings: nothing really, reader is a teeny bit thirsty...ya’ll know how that goes

A/n: I was struggling with tenses while writing this (like present, past, continuous - all that lovely grammar stuff). I plant go back and edit this and the other parts to make it all a consistent tense, but I’m too tired to do that now. Please enjoy.

Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

----------------------------------

Tony had asked you to stay a little late tonight so he could take Pepper out for dinner. You were happy to comply. You had met them all at the tower and had the intention of returning to the house with the kids after afternoon naps, however Jonas was having such a blast in the ball pit that Tony recently had installed in the playroom that you lingered later into the evening. By the time he was too tired to keep playing, it was time to feed the baby again and late enough to feed Jonas too. So you put together a quick dinner and a bottle and fed the kids, but the full tummies also brought sleepy kids. You set them both up in the nursery and they instantly fell asleep. You knew you only had a couple hours max until the baby would wake up again and her parents would be back by then anyway, so you decided to wait it out. Taking the baby monitor with you after setting up all of Tony's requested security measures. You decided to not wander far, opting to do any dishes you had from dinner in the little kitchenette. Sometimes you felt a bit isolated in this part of the tower. If both Tony and Pepper were out then it could very easily be just the three of you on this floor. You could hear the commotion upstairs from time to time, but the Avengers didn't typically have any reason to come down and see you. It was usually you venturing up into their domain when looking for your employers. Thor and Natasha did occasionally visit. You guessed they just liked someone different to chat with from time to time. Which was nice. Loki also started to show up more frequently, especially in the last week. You would sometimes find him sitting out on the same balcony you spoke with him a while back. You found it odd since you knew there was also a similar balcony on the floor above. However, showing up was all he did. You had been pretty busy lately, keeping Jonas from getting into trouble while keeping up with a now six month old who was determined to crawl away every chance she got, even if she wasn't very good at it. You had tried to talk to him on a few occasions, but you always had to run off as soon as the conversation became interesting because of the kids. Still, he seemed much less standoffish despite barely getting to talk to you. Some days you even felt like he was waiting for you to show up. It seemed he was actually excited for the chance to talk to you, even if it rarely happened. You got the impression from Tony that Loki wasn't exactly approved to be around his daughter. So you refrained from simply inviting Loki to join you in the playroom, settling instead for brief encounters when you were coming or going. You were drying dishes when you noticed a figure move past the door. You barely had a second to identify him, but he was hard to mistake. You popped your head out the doorway to catch him. "Hey." You call out behind him, dish towel still in hand. Loki turned on his heal, "Good evening Y/n" "Heading somewhere important?" You ask, noting another book in his hand. He shrugged a bit defeated, "Hardly ever these days unfortunately." "Well, I'm not doing anything exciting, but you could join me while I finish these dishes." You pause realizing how lame the invitation was. "Only if you want..." You add a bit shy. You expect him to continue to walk away. You wouldn't want to watch yourself dry dishes, so why would anyone else? But then he smirked at you and walked back towards the doorway you were standing in. He allows you to slip back into the kitchen before him and you go back to the sink. Instead of settling into one of the chairs by the little table, Loki sets his book down before joining you beside the sink. Effortlessly, he takes the towel out of your hand and offers to dry the bottle you were reaching for. You nod slightly, "You don't have to..." He laughed lightly, taking the bottle and drying it gently. "No problem, easy enough to do." You thank him softly before rinsing off the other bottle components. You both make quick work of the few remaining items together. Standing close together in a comfortable silence. While rinsing off the bottle brush your hand slips and you unintentionally turn the sprayer upwards creating an arc of water. An arc that hits Loki directly in the face. You drop the sprayer as soon as you can, letting it fall into the sink still spraying aimlessly. You turn the water off quickly and turn to watch the water drip down his face and neck, wetting the front of his shirt. "I am so sorry!" You urgently explain. Suddenly frantic to find another towel to help dry him off. Loki seemed to move in slow motion, not quite sure if what he thinks just happened really did. He blinked a few times in rapid succession. You found another towel and started to pat at his collar. He came to his senses in time to grab your wrist as you attempted to dry him off. You instantly stopped moving, looking from his hand to his face. "M-my hand slipped, I s-swear I didn't mean..." you stutter over your words as you try to apologize but can't quite find the right thing to say. His eyes are as gorgeous as ever, but so hard to read. You can't tell if you've just enraged a god and triggered your death or not. You nervously looked down to the floor in some attempt to hide your embarrassment. His grip on your wrist tightens slightly, not enough to hurt, but enough for you to notice. This was it. You were definitely going to die here. Right now. Then a cold wet sensation hits your head like a tidal wave. In fact, it hits you almost exactly like a wave. Loki had picked up one of the bottles he'd just finished drying filling it with water still sitting at the bottom the sink and promptly dumped it all directly on your head. You gasp as the water starts to drip down your face. Shaking your head to clear the water from your eyes. When you dare to look up at Loki you see him grinning wide at you with a true Cheshire cat smile.The sight of him so amused eased your worry and amplified the silliness of what just occurred. You find your self laughing as you smile up at him. "That's not fair, I only got you on accident!" You said through your mirth. "Perhaps, but if I have be dripping wet, rest assured I won't be the only one." He spoke with the most carefree tone you'd ever heard from him. A sudden competitiveness over took you are you grabbed the nozzle again aiming it directly at him. He instantly took a more guarded stance, "Don't you dare!" He hissed. You, of course, didn't head this warning, pulling your hand away from him and flicking the water back on. You watched with glee as the water shot out again directly at Loki's astounded face. For a moment the water did the intended job, completely drenching his front. Loki was quick to respond however and held a hand up in between himself and the stream. The water stopped midstream, freezing from where it touched his fingertips. The ice radiated to the nozzle, making the whole thing frost up until you could feel the bitter cold under your grasp. You let go a bit in awe as the arc of ice shattered upon impact with the side of the sink. You glanced back to his hands to see his fingers weren't their typical alabaster color, instead a dark dusty blue that reached to his knuckles. He noticed your gaze and quickly shook his hand. Doing so caused the blue color to quickly fade back to normal. When you looked up at him in questioning, he averted your gaze. "I hope you realize you are no match for me in any sort of trivial challenge." Loki said, hoping to change your focus. You opted not to ask about his hands, deciding it was just another trick of his. Something nagged at your mind saying it wasn't that simple, but it was obvious he didn't want you to take notice, so you acted like you didn't. "You say that, yet you're significantly more soaked than I am. To me, it looks like I won." You responded with a grin. He chuckled softly, "You only won this round. Consider it first time luck. It won't happen again." "So we'll get to battle again, will we?" You smiled, raising an eyebrow at him "I have a feeling we will." He returned your smile and you felt at ease again. "You might want to change. You could...catch a cold if you stay this...wet." You commented. Realizing his shirt was beyond drenched. The simple black fabric was clinging to his his front in a way that showcased every smooth and taught muscle. You felt the warm blush flood your cheeks. Hoping he didn't notice your staring for had to be the hundredth time since you met him, you turned away from him and addressed the sink. You pushed all the ice into the sink and placed the bottles in the drying rack. Mindless tasks were best to keep your mind off your unexpected urge to help Loki out of his shirt. It had been quite a long time since you had any sort intimate contact with anyone and all of a sudden you were feeling a rush you hadn't had in months, years even. If Loki noticed the change in your demeanor, he didn't react to it. He walked over to the table by his book and picked it up gingerly. "I suppose you're right. Do you need to change yourself?" You asked nodding his head towards your wet shoulders and sleeves. "Oh, I didn't think to bring extra clothes for myself. I'll be fine until Tony gets back. I can always change at home." You shrug. "Nonsense, come on." Loki starts to walk off towards the door way and gestures for you to follow him. You start to do so tentatively, following as he makes his way to the elevator. Once the door opens he turns to see you standing a few steps back and tilts his head slightly at you. "I really should stay on this floor, for the kids ya know?" You said glancing back towards the doorway to the nursery. "I need to hear if either of them wake up." "Isn't that what the little communicator box is for?" He responds looking down at the monitor attached to your hip. You debated in your head a few moments. Tony never said you weren't allowed to leave this floor with out the kids, but you felt like it was a bit irresponsible to do so. Plus, what exactly was Loki inviting you to? If he was going to go change, was he going back to his room? Would he actually invite you into his room while he changed? Did he have a good enough relationship with any of the female avengers that he could ask them for a change of clothes for you? Or did he just happen to have women's clothing laying around his room? Would that mean... You shook you head to shake the thoughts. You were surprising yourself with how much your mind had slipped into the mindset of a teenage girl with a crush. It didn't matter as a cold chill ran down your arm causing you to decide a nice dry shirt would be best. "I have to make it quick. I really should be up here for the kids." You said quietly. "I do not expect changing your shirt will take you more than a minute." He smirked stepping into the elevator. You padded into the lift behind him. You felt like he could read your thoughts. He still hadn't made any open indication he knew what you were thinking, yet the way he looked over to you made you blush as if he had just whispered all your thoughts about him into your ear. Sure enough, Loki led you to a room that had to be his own. The whole room smelled like him and you felt that same odd comfort you felt around him while inside. It was both simple and elegant in decor. Everything except for a large chair in the corner and the bed seemed untouched and unused. He strolled in paying you no mind until he reached a closet embedded into the back wall. "Do you prefer sleeves?" He asked turning back to you. You were slow to respond as you were still taking in all the features of his room. You noted the golden color of his sheets and how you wouldn't have expected him to have such a warm colored sleeping area. Finally forcing yourself to think about the cool fall temperature outside you agreed, "Yes, sleeves would be great." He hummed to himself and flicked through a few items hanging. You noticed that the closet was fairly bare. He had some leather pieces hanging to one side, obviously crafted beyond this world. The other side was comprised of dark neutral colored items. Mostly suits pieces and shirts that looked like they cost more than you paid in rent each month. He finally pulled out an olive green long sleeved tshirt that was so extremely dark you didn't even notice the color till he handed it to you. You felt both relief and panic at the fact he was offering you his own clothes. A twinge of excitement washed over you that it wasn't a left over garment from some mystery woman. Yet the idea of being trusted with his own clothes was daunting. Especially when the shirt he handed you was quite possibly the softest shirt you had ever touched in your whole life. You muttered a shy 'thank you' and he walked back to the closet selecting another shirt, one seemingly identical to the one wet one he was currently wearing. "No need to be shy, I'll leave you to it." Loki said as he eyed your hesitation with that Cheshire cat grin back in place. He then walked into a conjoined room that you could only assume to be a bathroom. Once you heard the door click you figured you better get changed quickly. You felt like you could still sense him in the room with you. You looked around a couple times, always ending with staring at the bathroom door. You determined he wasn't around, so you slugged out of your wet shirt and thanked the stars your bra was dry underneath. Once you were standing there in just your bra you had that feeling again. You glanced around expecting to see Loki's eyes on you but still nothing. You slipped his shirt on and all your nerves calmed instantly. It was indeed the softest shirt you'd every felt and it smelled even more like him than the room. Between the comfort of the dry material and it luxuriousness of the fabric you sighed happily to yourself. "I'm all set." You called out towards the bathroom. "Thanks again Loki, I really should get down stairs now." You weren't even finished talking when the door opened and he stepped out exactly as he was before your brief water battle. He stopped in his tracks, eyes going wide at the sight of you. You figured you looked silly, the shirt was obviously a little big on you and the sleeves reached to almost cover your fingers, but the way he looked at you made you feel really gorgeous. And there you went, blushing again. "That suits you." You said in a hoarse whisper before clearing his throat. "Can I walk you back down stairs?" "Yea. Why not." At your consent, Loki offers you an arm like a true gentleman and escorts you back to the nursery. As soon as you make it down stairs you heard the signs of a baby waking up crackle through the monitor and accept that whatever moment you were starting to develop with Loki had to end for the night. "Duty calls" you shrug as a cry breaks out loud enough to hear not only through the monitor but also through the door ahead of you. "Till next time then." Loki said as he took your hand in his bringing it up to his mouth and places a gentle kiss across your knuckles. He smirks at you as he stands up straight again and begins walking back to the elevator. You stand there stupefied for a moment. Unsure if the cool tingling you feel lingering on your hand was just your nerves or something else entirely. Being around Loki was a roller coaster. Every time you spent time with him it was always thrilling, awe inspiring, and yet utterly confusing. The baby cries out again and you come to reality and quickly go to the nursery to check on the kids.

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to be continued ❤

lovely tagged folks: @jessiejunebug

#marvel fanfiction #MCU #loki x reader #loki odinson #Loki Laufeyson #loki fanfic #marvel imagine #storytime #Thor Odinson #fresh start #marvel au #avengers #avengers tower

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