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orbitariums · 4 years

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𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬 (𝟔)

note: it’s been a while y’all!!! i hope you’re still here & i hope you’ve been taking the time to educate yourself on everything that’s going on around the world!

this chapter probably took me the longest to write out of any chapter bc i was trying to get all the details just right. i felt like maybe something was missing, and i edited it all this week to get it how i wanted. now i feel more secure!!

i hope y’all enjoy it, i’m so excited to see and show y’all what’s up next for moonrose/yn and steve. leave your thoughts !! let’s gooo

playlist

word count: 8.1k

warnings: none really? other than mentions of sex work and the age gap btwn steve and moonrose. but no smut this time! this starts off where chapter five ended.

𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥𝐬 𝐨𝐧 𝐟𝐢𝐥𝐦 | 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐬𝐢𝐱: 𝐬𝐡𝐨𝐰 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 | 𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐯𝐞 𝐫𝐨𝐠𝐞𝐫𝐬

The sight in front of you when that camera turned on made you sit right up, your eyes nearly popping out of your head. There was no fucking way. It was some sort of sick joke. Because the man behind the camera simply could not be who you thought it was.

“What. The. Fuck.”

| | |

"What the fuck?" you continued, less statically now that the initial shock was gone.

But there was no way in hell that the man you were talking to, had been talking to for over a month, was Captain America? He didn't have to be in his full attire, the face of Steve Rogers was noticeable anywhere.

And then it hit you, a flood of realizations. Of course he had used a fake name at first. It should've been obvious when he changed his name from Grant Roberts to Steve - short for Steve Rogers. It should've been obvious when he told you that he was a "scientist", such a vague term to use for the many branches of science that existed.

It should've been obvious why he wouldn't turn his camera on. And yet, it shouldn't have, because this wasn't something that you could even begin to suspect. Customers had their reasons for turning off their cameras - one of those reasons was not usually because they were secretly an Avenger.

But still, it didn't feel quite real. The logical, pragmatic side of you calmly figured that this was all just somebody's idea of a sick joke, that maybe this person behind the screen had set you up all along just for this big reveal, as some sort of way to deceive you. In fact, the logical side of you wanted to write this all off as a pathetic joke.

It didn't make sense. And you desperately needed it to. You needed answers, now. If this were some kind of highly calculated joke for whatever reason, you couldn't even find one, you wanted to know. And if it were a joke, you wanted to know why you. You wanted to know how much farther this person was willing to go.

And if it weren't a joke, if you really were talking to Steve Rogers... you wanted to deny it, but something in you urged that this was real, as unlikely as it seemed. The feeling that he was who you had truly been talking to felt as true as the connection you had created with Steve.

Still, that didn't mean you weren't shook the fuck up.

"What the fuck!" You repeated, standing up and bringing your laptop with you as you migrated into your office, turning on the lights and then sitting back down at your office table. This felt like official business. You wanted to really be able to take it in.

And Steve? Well, he was just waiting for you to finish reacting, all the while his eyes slowly watching you on the screen, his chest filling up with worry. He shouldn't have, he really shouldn't have, even if it were in the name of bettering himself and fixing things with you. But he knew he couldn't panic again, couldn't retract out of fear. He would face this, even if it meant having to endure a reaction from you.

The worst that could happen was you could expose him and it would lead to some unnecessarily huge scandal. Even worse, it could turn out that you were not to be trusted, and that somehow this would take a turn for the dangerous. But he had known that all along. He had thought about it long and hard before he made the decision to show himself, and he still did. So there was no turning back now.

"Are you kidding me?" you barked, not out of anger but out of pure confusion - you felt like you had to assume this sort of accusatory position to defend yourself, whether or not he was real. And if he was, you had some choice words to say.

"Moonrose..." Steve said, the first time he was speaking ever since he turned on the camera.

You focused in on the way his lips moved and his careful expression, the way he spoke slowly and calmly, like he was approaching a scared animal who was ready to attack. All of his words would be calculated, you could tell in the way his eyebrows came together, the way he watched your reaction as if he were concerned for your own well being. And to admit it, he was to some extent. He understood your freak out, but he was trying to be calm to avoid a meltdown that would ruin the both of them, depending on what you decided to do in the midst of said meltdown.

"Okay. You're talking," you noted, blinking. Maybe if he hadn't spoken you could slam your laptop shut and brush this off as some sort of glitch in the matrix. You still had questions. You were a smart woman. You weren't about to be played. "How do I know you aren't a deepfake?"

Steve furrowed his brows. All his years in this business and some of this new technology was still hard for him to keep up with,

"What?"

You ignored his confusion and continued on. Your request was more like a command, Steve felt like he was back in the army again.

"Blink," you commanded.

You wanted to see if you could spot any inconsistencies in him, just to cross out the idea that the person in front of you could be generated by an algorithm. Was it desperate? Maybe, but not unnecessary. If you were talking to Steve Rogers you bet your ass you would make sure he was real.

Steve wanted to ask why, but he figured he was best not going against your wishes in any way. So he blinked, and to your wondrous disdain, it seemed legitimate. You felt some sort of marvelous sinking feeling in your chest. Like this - your career, your customer interactions, your life - was realer than you had signed up for. Everywhere you turned these days, something was surprising you. But what made this sinking feeling so brilliant was the fact that you were seeing Steve. And you weren't just seeing anyone, you were seeing Steve Rogers. That was a big deal.

A quick bark of laughter escaped from your lips - first because of the fact that you thought you could prove whether or not what you were seeing on the screen was real, when all signs pointed to yes, and second because you were in genuine shock, processing what had happened to you. But you were laughing because it was almost funny. Lately your life had thrown you so many curveballs. It was almost unbelievably hilarious that of all the people in the world, Steve would be this Steve in particular. The universe would broaden those slim chances just for you.

And for what? You wondered. Maybe it was a test to see if you would break down again. But really, you had no reason to. You weren't necessarily upset over this revelation, in fact it made the discrepancies of your relationship with Steve make a whole lot more sense. It made the blow less heavy. So you weren't upset. You weren't on the verge of tears or a brand new breakdown that would take you weeks to recover from - you were just sitting motionless in a soup of disbelief.

It was kind of cool, though. This whole time you were talking to Steve Rogers, the Captain America. It was also worrisome, because you thought there might have been some reason in particular that he chose you, although you couldn't figure out why for the life of you. The most illegal thing you'd done in the past few years was neglect a couple of parking tickets and have a few underage drinks.

"How do I know I'm really talking to Captain America?" you asked, narrowing your eyes at him through the screen.

Steve sighed as if resigning and reached over beside him, where from behind his bed frame he pulled out the shield, showing it on camera like it was nothing. You squinted and folded your arms, observing it up close.

"That could be anything," you raised a brow, and Steve sighed again, this time closing his eyes.

"It's me. Really. I don't know how else I could prove it to you."

When you heard his voice again, the pure intention in his voice, hoping that you'd believe him, it all seemed to click. And any shred of denial you had left was gone, defeated by acceptance.

"Jesus," you breathed out, looking at him in silence for a second and then shaking your head, confused. "You know so many girls on here would kill to talk to you? I mean, seriously. I have a friend who dresses up in Avengers cosplay every night and uses a dildo the same colors as your shield. So why me? You know there's nothing illegal about what I'm doing, right? I can't get in trouble for this."

You realized you were sort of rambling and not making any sense, but this was one of those times where you let yourself. What was the appropriate response to this? The answer - there was none. Also, you wanted to make sure you were in the clear. Though you doubted Captain America would be prowling against sex workers, you had to make your innocence obvious in general. It was like you hadn't considered that maybe Steve, like anyone else, had needs, and that you were just helping him fulfill those needs... until it spiraled into, well, this.

"Listen," Steve started.

Even he hardly knew what to say. For all the time he had spent thinking about this decision, he was starting to feel that he wasn't really thinking at all. He didn't know how he would de-escalate the situation, and he didn't know what exactly he would say. He just figured it would provide a sense of relief for him and hopefully for you too, as well as resolve any discrepancies in why he stopped talking to you.

But now he felt like maybe this was just his selfish excuse for the fact that he wanted more, and that he was willing to show his face because of that fact. Did he feel better? Slightly. It felt like a weight had been lifted off of his chest now that you were talking again, now that he was seeing you again. The feeling was so odd, a kind of weird lightheartedness that didn't feel like it belonged.

He finally chose his words.

"I'm sorry. For everything. I... I don't even know what to say right now."

"You're telling me," you responded with raised eyebrows.

The situation may have been weird and more than either of you could deal with, but it was nice talking to him. The face was nothing like you had been expecting at all. But it was still Steve... right?

"Really, though. I want to apologize. And I don't have to show my face to do that, but I feel like I need to. I'm sorry for how things ended last time. I was afraid of the things that could happen if I let myself open up to you. I was trying to be extremely careful, and I let that take over me. It wasn't fair to you to detach myself the way I did," Steve explained slowly, and you listened, taking in each and every word.

It wasn't hard to understand. It made sense why he wouldn't want to open up to someone on the internet, being who he was. Still, you wished he hadn't been so sudden about it. You'd wished you could've at least understood him a little, so it didn't end out like that.

He continued,

"And I'm sorry for enabling any of this at all, even though I don't regret it any more. It's not that I don't think you'd be able to handle that kind of communication or that I found you immature. It's that I think I wouldn't be able to handle that kind of communication. And... and I was beating myself up for letting things go so far the way they did instead of just realizing... just realizing that..."

He swallowed down his words a bit, but you were curious, leaning your head in as if to prompt him. All his words were reassuring, a genuine apology. Like he was making up for his own failure, explaining his own faults. It made you feel a whole lot less naive and it cleared up so much for you, after things were left so blurry. And you were surprised he was even giving you an explanation. Why did he come back, if he were so busy and had weaned himself of you already? Why was someone of his importance being so caring when he didn't have to be at all?

You wanted to know.

"Realizing what?" you asked.

"That what we had wasn't something I could just brush off because I was scared. That just because a strong connection like that intimidates me doesn't mean trying to pretend it doesn't exist will help. It's not like me, honest. I value loyalty above all else. I consider you a friend, and I wasn't loyal to you. And I'm sorry."

The thoughts in your brain were running a mile a minute. If anything, you weren't expecting this to begin with. But an apology? You weren't expecting that at all, from the Steve you once knew, or from Captain America. And now that you could see who he was, this connection you had felt like something you were more willing to lean into. You were more willing to be honest about the fact that you liked each other, and not just for the purpose of your work.

You had so many customers who considered you a friend, but not in this way. Not in the genuine way, where even though you serviced him, you weren't being nice because of that. If he had been just some rando, you might have been able to brush his words off easier. And you wouldn't even be entertaining the idea of a conversation that was this exclusive, this revealing. Had he been anyone else, this wouldn't be happening. But you'd seen who he was, on the news and in the public world, and through a screen. It just made it easier to want to trust him and his intentions.

And right now, it sounded like Steve was genuinely sorry, and that he felt like he had let down a friend. And you were both surprised and ecstatic that he saw you in that way. It wasn't every day a public figure like Steve Rogers wanted to talk to you. It felt like speaking with an old friend, so mundane and nonchalant, yet so out of the norm.

Yet, even though you were happy to be talking with him, you couldn't help but criticize his methods. You thought of how he had thrown you completely off guard while you were in this carefree disposition, but you didn't forget that it was your reaction that mattered.

Your reaction would set the feel for the entire week. You were proud of yourself for not allowing the kind of reaction that would send you back to the place you had spent time getting out of. You were glad that this revelation didn't ruin the good mood that had been curated over the past few hours during the night out. He had just come out of the blue, and was giving some hearty apology that you weren't even prepared for in the slightest. Uttering your next words, you shook your head slowly as you expressed your feelings of disappointment in him.

"I'm glad you've come to your senses. And, I can understand where you're coming from. But I can't help but think that this isn't like you, or it shouldn't be. I mean, you're kind of a big deal. You should know how to handle your feelings instead of just leaving me out of the blue and then coming back to reveal that you're... well, you! It's really a lot to take in, I would hope you're not missing that."

Steve nodded, glad that you were expressing yourself. It didn't upset him that you were calling him out- if anything, he deserved it, and he liked someone that could point out his own wrongdoings, although that wasn't because he wasn't responsible for himself. He liked a woman who could call him out, but he didn't need a woman who could stay on top of him, because he was adult enough to do it himself. There was a difference, and distinct levels of maturity that came with that difference.

He had been so engulfed in his own shortcomings and anxieties and that wasn't fair to you, nor was coming back and doing this big reveal, being as prolific a person as he was. To be fair though, he hadn't really been thinking logically in the moments before he showed you who he was. But you had made all correct points - he was supposed to be the smart adult in the situation and communicate efficiently - you understood why that hadn't happened, but you just wanted to bring it to the table. You were vocal about your feelings. You didn't just make excuses for people.

"Yeah. I know. It's silly of me, I was thinking of myself and stressing over the details. So, I'm sorry, I know that wasn't very heroic of me. I feel a little selfish, because I don't want knowing who I am to put any added stress on you," Steve became slightly sheepish, apologizing for the fact that he was who he was, and that he was intentionally revealing himself to you despite his high importance.

You had settled into the reality of the situation, and ever since you took the time for yourself to heal, this sort of rolled off your back. Another conflict down, just like that. You were ready to take on more surprises, more shock. Maybe a month ago something like this would've blown you out of the water and put you on edge, especially if it were in tandem with the stressful things you were already going through.

But now, you were mellowed out. And you were thankful for the fact that you had been on a night out before this, the drinks in your system and the fun you had had definitely took the edge off, made you feel more in the moment without the anxieties of the present.

So you almost laughed it off, genuinely chuckling.

"You don't sound cocky at all," you joked sarcastically, and Steve made a playful face.

"What's that mean?"

You did your best impression of him, putting on airs and sitting up high and mighty, imitating his voice,

"I'm sorry that I'm Steve Rogers, defender of justice. Here's my shield, no big deal. Next caller."

Steve chuckled, lowering his head,

"Oh, is that how I sound?"

You shook your head slowly and playfully,

"Without a doubt. And by the way, the fact that you sleep next to your shield? Classic."

"Not next to it, it's just beside the bed frame," Steve defended himself, playing along with the joke.

"Same thing," you teased, with a dismissive wave of your hand.

A beat went by, silence. The two of you sitting in the acknowledgment of what you had, staring at the other on the screen. Sated, but not elated by what had just happened. As for Steve, he felt much more relaxed. Like he was in a better place, now that he had explained himself to the only person who it made a difference for. Now that he had finally broken past that wall of fear. And he wasn't thinking about the future, wasn't worrying his head off about the possible consequences of what he was doing, though there were so many that his brain could think up. Instead he was just sitting in his good feeling, floating in it.

He was being honest with himself, with no fear of what that meant. So many times he pushed back opportunities like this because of his own fear, or because he convinced himself he was too busy to pursue something like this. And though it wasn't like you two were dating or in an official relationship, there was something between you. It was clear that you liked each other, more than just in the way a customer would. And instead of running from that spark, Steve was letting it shine. Whether it turned out to be something more ot not wasn't what you two were worried about. It was just sitting in the moment. Although, the silence, the attraction in your gazes made you wonder where to go from here.

Would Steve be continuing to attend your shows, and carry on like normal? Would he want to talk more, now that he had gotten rid of this fear he was telling you about? Your mind wasn't going too far on that front - you weren't thinking of technical things, like what this would mean when it came to your relationship with Steve, that seemed like it was outlandish to be talking about. You weren't pursuing anything with him and he didn't seem to be pursuing anything with him. But you wanted to know what the hell would happen after this?

"So... what now?" you asked calmly - because you weren't worried about what was next, you just wondered.

Steve took in a deep breath, slowly shrugging his shoulders up and down. He raised his brows,

"I dunno. What's important to me is what's important to you. What are you hoping for?"

"I'm not hoping for anything," you replied, and to hear yourself say those words was such a relief. You were done wanting anything from men, or anyone, or hoping that they would follow through with your desires. Your hopes for how other people would act always spiraled into desperate measures, and that wasn't you any more. You continued, "Also, you're the one who wanted to clear things up. I think what's next is your decision."

"You're right," Steve nodded. That was fair enough. He didn't want to put any of this on you. To him, it was a matter of how this relationship would progress. He wanted to know you on a base level, not just through this. He wanted to know you the same way he knew a normal friend. He saw you as that, why not make things that way? But for now, it was best to just take things slow. Not out of fear, but for the sake of reality. "I guess I just want to get to know you on a real level. Not as a customer, but as a friend."

Steve's words struck a realization in you. Not only were you talking to Steve, but you had also performed for him. He knew your o-face. And that wasn't something that embarrassed you, because it was your job, and you were very comfortable with your sexuality because of your job. But knowing now that you were performing for Captain America? It felt like the stakes were just a bit higher, and you always put on a good show.

And it was just a tad bit flustering to know that the man you gave your all to sexually, the man whose groans and moans turned you on to no end, the man who needed you to please him, was Steve Rogers. Unbelievable, yet the proof was in front of you. You'd be lying if it didn't make you feel powerful to know that you had been the reason that a whole Avenger was pleasuring himself almost every night.

"Huh. So do I still show you my ass?" you asked, masking your flustered state with humor.

A laugh tumbled out of Steve's lips, and you could see him turning a shade of pink, see his face change as he got what he could only describe as flashbacks. You smirked at the impact you seemed to have on him. He cleared his throat so his voice wouldn't break as he continued, smiling shyly at the camera,

"Uh," he started, realizing he hadn't quite formulated a response. He chuckled nervously. "If-if you want to."

You nearly snorted, feeling especially devious now,

"Wow, Steve, I'm shocked. After all this time, I still make you nervous?"

You kind of felt like the shit. Who else could say they successfully got Steve Rogers off, without even touching him? You were the only one who could make him feel this way, and he didn't have to say it out loud, he already knew it. There was a reason he chose you specifically. The minute he saw you, he was drawn to you. That hadn't changed.

He chuckled at your question,

"I'm not such a tough guy when it comes to these things."

"Oh, but that can change. Trust me, I've seen it," you commented, and you both knew what you were talking about - the time when you had taught Steve how to be more dominant with you. That was probably one of your more intense sessions with him.

"Really though, I do want to get to know you better. You're a friend to me. I want it to feel like a friendship. If you're comfortable with that."

"I think so," you responded. Again, it was only because it was him that you were agreeing to this. But you didn't quite know how to make that happen, because it never had before. "I guess it's just a question of how to be friends outside of this."

Steve shrugged,

"We could talk outside of this. If you're okay with doing that."

You raised a brow, sort of surprised at that suggestion,

"Are you? I mean, what are you thinking?"

Steve felt secure enough that he wanted to be able to talk to you outside of this site, as long as he wasn't being reckless with his communication. He didn't want there to be some way for important information to leak if he started talking to you on his phone, or give up too much personal information of his own. But he knew he wanted to talk to you outside of just this site, and hear your voice, too.

"There's gotta be some way we can talk more frequently. I'm not really a texting guy, but I have... several phones. Some are for business and some are for-"

"Talking to cam girls online," you filled in the blank.

"Sure. Except you're my friend. Who happens to be a sex worker."

You laughed, grinning at him, a warm feeling blossoming in your chest at the fragile correction,

"Got it. I mean, I have a phone number. I'm sure one of your techie friends can find a way for us to text without revealing too much personal information, if that's what you're thinking about. But hey, you know I'm not gonna like... I don't know, try to rob the Avengers."

Steve nodded understandingly.

"No, I understand that. It's just, I don't know, a precaution thing. A job thing. It's less personal and more just, professional."

"Hm. Do you usually hide your number from friends?" you asked inquisitively, raising an eyebrow.

"Sometimes," Steve said shortly, then sighing as he began to think of the circumstances. This friendship was different from one he ever had. It was so based on trust and making slow progress, within the boundaries you both had to set. "You make a good point. I'll think about it," Steve decided.

"Here, we can compromise. I have two snapchats. One is a private snapchat, a special treat for loyal customers, and the other is my regular snapchat. The private is for nudes, the regular one is for... my life. You can see my boobs and my hiking trips. And, we can text on my regular snapchat, like friends would. But, just to be clear, you're... still a customer, right? You can be both a friend and a customer. Huh. Now that I'm saying that out loud, I realize that a lot of my friends have seen me naked."

Steve laughed, and you grinned just at the sight of his smile. It was nice to hear his voice, but it was more than enough to be able to see the face that went along with it. Maybe this was the start to your friendship.

"I get that. And I'll always be a customer. But I think, maybe for a few days, it would be healthy for me to just see you as you. It would feel weird watching my... friend, you know," Steve couldn't even complete that sentence, and he wasn't quite sure how he could.

You did a lot of sexual stuff on camera, it wasn't just one thing. But it was how he felt. He wanted it to feel like a refresh. That didn't mean he didn't want to see you that way at all, but it was the old fashioned part of him that made him feel like he needed to see you as just you. He continued,

"You know, not while you're performing as Moonrose."

"Sure, I can appreciate that," you nodded. "But in the meantime, don't be a stranger on here. I actually like doing those things for you."

"Oh, don't get me wrong. I'll definitely be back," Steve replied quickly - there wasn't a big enough old fashioned bone in his body to keep him from interacting with you the way the site was designed for. He needed you in that way, he knew that was undeniable. But first, a fresh start. "And the Snapchat thing sounds good. You do have to teach me how to use it, though."

"Sure, Steve," you smiled. You felt some sort of excited pang in your chest, like this was the start of something new and good.

Lately you'd been circulating in such good energy, and even though this came to you as a shock, the end result was so positive. You were glad to be returning to interacting with Steve, to be feeling the joyous depth of this connection that you had. You were glad that he was who he was, because it made it that much more fun to talk to him, it felt like some sort of special occasion. Because you knew Captain America, without knowing that you knew him. And now you were becoming friends with him, and it was almost normal because you had been talking to him for so long. It was hard for you to get a clear grasp on, it was so unexpected, so irregular. But it was exciting. A rush, and not in a toxic, thrilling way. It was a fulfilling and wholesome rush, one that made you feel full.

"Oh, and by the way," Steve added, the thought just coming up in his mind. "What's your real name?"

You were practically beaming. Never in your life would you have expected to be telling this to a customer, to be becoming friends. But he was asking, and you were willing to respond. You wanted him to know you, just as he wanted to know you.

"My name is Y/N," you said, like you were letting out a breath and taking in fresh air. You couldn't wipe the smile off your face when he heard your real name, how it sounded just right coming from your lips, and he decided he wanted to say it all the time.

"Hi Y/N. I'm Steve. Nice to finally meet you."

| | |

"What's got you giggling like a schoolgirl with a crush on teacher?" Sam inquired as he walked into the kitchen, catching sight of Steve leaning over the counter, his phone in his hand, an unlikely grin on his face, laughter coming from his normally pouty lips.

Steve just looked up from his phone, trying to appear as serious as possible. Sam's observation wasn't totally off, after all. For the past week or so, you and Steve had been talking through Snapchat, a different means of communication like how you discussed. You taught Steve how to download it, which was an experience unique to you and you only.

How many people could say they taught the strongest, smartest supersoldier out there how to download and create a Snapchat account? (All while you were teaching him how to use the app, he kept insisting "I'm not that old", to which you did nothing to reassure him that he wasn't). Anyways, Steve had been preoccupying himself with that as of late.

During this time, the spring period of the year, the Avengers were a lot less busy, and had a lot more downtime on their hands. He spent that downtime on Snapchat with you, and with his team in real life. And it was safe to say, he was back up again. But not in the almost superficial, hyper-pleased way that he was when he first met you, the kind of happiness that was like a sugar high that crashed hard. No, this time he was happy, truly. There were no blurred lines between the two of you at the moment, only honesty, only truth.

So when he watched your Snapchat stories on your regular snapchat and got to see your real life, he was always highly entertained. He truly wrapped himself into your hiking adventures, study sessions and student life, your daily acai bowls, all the outfits you were making, all the things you enjoyed. You weren't perfect, but he admired you so much. You were hardworking and adventurous. You made everything you did beautiful, and you only wanted beautiful energy around you - you exuded energy of that very same magnitude.

And plus, you were always sending him funny snaps - pictures of yourself with filters on them, updates about your day, or just posts you saw that you found funny. It was so good to be interacting on a humane, friend level. He could admit he got caught up sometimes, like in this very moment.

He switched off his phone, putting it in the back pocket of his sweatpants, and offered a small smile to Sam, who was teasing him.

"Hello to you too," Steve chuckled, shaking his head.

He wouldn't answer that question though. Even though he was much more comfortable with you, he still didn't want his business revolving around you to circulate. But this time it wasn't out of fear, it was simply because he wanted to keep things private and be smart about it. He still knew that his team would probably be concerned if he was talking to you at this level, that he let it get this far, but he wasn't exactly worried about that.

He just didn't want to deal with the controversy if he told them about you. For now, this was just something for him. Not secretive, but not public, either. The shift was similar to your own healing transition - Steve was less robust and scared, less type A about the whole situation.

"I don't think I've ever seen you look at your phone like that. I don't even think I've seen you on your phone... at all," Sam continued, though he wasn't pressing Steve, he was just curious.

Everyone had taken notice, once again, of Steve's shift in energy - they wondered if it would be permanent or if he would just become withdrawn or irritable once again. And they wondered what brought these shifts on, but they mainly just admired the moments like these. Maybe it was just the fact that it was getting nicer outside, that the skies were clear and blue, and that they weren't overwhelmed with work.

Steve dodged the question yet again, watching as Sam filled up a water bottle.

"First time for everything, huh?"

Sam grinned mischievously,

"My man Steve. Finally adjusting to the times."

Steve chuckled silently - he was adjusting more than Sam even knew.

And when it came to you, you were glad to have Steve in your life. He wasn't a priority to you, and that was a good feeling. He was just someone you liked talking to, a friend who you felt you had a deep connection with. You were glad that you had each cleared your feelings up, that you decided to make this compromise in order to be friends, in order to revive and live through that connection that you both acknowledged you had.

"You could say that," Steve grinned at Sam, who was in athletic clothing and was filling up a water bottle at the fridge.

"Going for a run. Wanna come with?" Sam asked, Steve smirking playfully as he folded his muscular arms, which bulged through his t-shirt. He was already in athletic wear - a tshirt and sweatpants - he was ready any time.

"That something you really wanna do right now?" Steve teased.

After taking a big gulp of water, Sam pointed at Steve, indicating that the competition was on,

"Try me."

Steve shook his head and laughed,

"Sure, why not?"

As Steve and Sam embarked on their afternoon run, they were followed by the sound of snapping cameras and flashing lights, which was normal for any Avenger doing anything. Though, press generally respected their wishes and didn't ask them any questions or bother them much, they were still there. Though, it was generally something Steve could ignore, and this time in particular it didn't bother him much. He was too wrapped up in the moment, the warm spring breeze against his face as he ran alongside his close friend, the thought of you fresh in his mind, the image of your smile burning in his brain.

All these things kept him warm, and Steve was glad. He was much too used to the cold.

✺ ✺ ✺

You liked talking to Steve - scratch that, you loved talking to Steve. If you had a connection before, it was undeniable now. It was really him. And knowing that, you could sink into the comfort of talking to him. Neither of you felt like there was anything to be afraid of. You were just friends, and it was great like that, even if you both knew you had the bursting potential to be more.

Of course you understood the romantic undertones of your relationship, they'd been there from the start, first under the guise of flirting, then stretched out as you spoke to one another and got to know each other. And now that you actually knew each other, the possibilities for more were right above your heads, all it would take was a little reach.

But you weren't quite thinking of that. You knew it, but you let yourself rest in the friendship you had now. You were still taking care of yourself, not focusing on your love life at the moment. But if the feeling should become so pressing, who were you to deny it? You would be lying to yourself if you did, and probably denying yourself a good thing. You only wanted good things.

Each day, when you thought about your situation with Steve, your heart swelled up with the magic of your beautiful secret. No one could know, of course, but it was nice to know for yourself. If there were anybody that you were going to tell, it would be Aaliyah - she usually found things anyway.

You were getting to see him as the real Steve Rogers - not Captain America, not The Man Out of Time, not the Steve Rogers that all the news stories reported on - though he wasn't quite different from the loyal, strong minded and good natured person that he was known to be. And although you knew it was so special to talk to someone like him, you didn't idolize it as much after that week, and that was good. It meant that you really did have the capacity to be friends with each other.

Out of respect for Steve, and because you were being smart, you decided that you would tell no one. You didn't want to sacrifice the fact that every day you were talking to the one and only Steve Rogers on Snapchat, and he was your friend. You enjoyed sending him things just as much as he liked receiving things. You'd taught him how to use it, but he was still getting used to all the oddities and newness of Snapchat - filters, bitmojis, all that. It was still cool to know that you had this exclusive way to talk to an Avenger. If you weren't smart, you'd tell it on the mountains.

You were just opening a snapchat from him, a picture of him and The Falcon, yet Steve had the audacity to caption it: "Out with a friend." Looking at the picture, your eyes went wide, glancing between Steve and Sam and not being able to decide who to focus on. You slowly realized there would be more perks to talking to Steve than just Steve - after all, he was a part of a team with the rest of the greats. The perks weren't all you cared about, but they definitely garnered a reaction.

You were fixated on the image, hardly paying attention to Aaliyah who was in front of you. Again you were out for brunch together. You'd decided to take up your tradition of Sunday girls brunch yet again, ever since you'd started up therapy and your self proclaimed healing process. But what was great about that process was that you were in a space where you could say that you were happy. Still on ground, but at least you weren't beneath the surface of the earth.

"Hello! Earth to YN!" Aaliyah exclaimed, waving her hand in front of your face.

Quickly, you turned off your phone, the image of Steve and Sam disappearing (but how badly you wanted to screenshot it), and set it down on the table, letting a smile replace your entranced features. You folded your arms and tried to appear as nonchalant as possible. Luckily, Aaliyah didn't get on your ass about whatever was on your phone, because she had other things on her mind.

"What's up?" you quirked your eyebrow, taking a sip of your green juice.

"You know what's up. I've been trying to ask you about Alex all week," Aaliyah raised her eyebrows, and you nearly chortled at the mention of his name.

You remembered that incident, it had only been a week ago. But that was a moment of spontaneity. You weren't thinking of seeing him again, but Aaliyah seemed to have other plans.

"What about him?" you smirked, biting down on your straw.

"You know 'what about him'! You were sucking his face and then you never spoke again, that's what about him," Aaliyah replied.

You rolled your eyes playfully, but a blush came to your cheeks as you remembered the events that went down. Lucky for you though, both you and Alex had agreed that you weren't looking for anything. So you felt fine just leaving it the way it was. You liked those moments of spontaneity, liked the fact that you didn't need to worry.

"And let's leave it just like that," you grinned, and Aaliyah leaned back in her chair, impressed.

"Hmm. This is interesting for you. You really aren't a hookup girl, I mean, not in real life. I'd think you wanted something more out of that."

Aaliyah was right, you weren't a hookup girl. You had your attractions in the past, but even before your boyfriend, you'd been more traditional. You were attractive and flirtatious though, so you'd had a small amount of flings and hookups, but it wasn't your style. You did it so much on the internet to begin with. In real life, you had a good balance of spontaneity and regularity. But this was different.

You had done what you did with Alex for yourself, for your own pleasure with no strings attached, with the knowledge that this wouldn't be followed by the long, winding road of trust exercises and disappointment that came with an actual relationship. And it inadvertently taught you to stop resisting when you wanted someone, even if it didn't mean you'd be together forever. Would you do it again? Probably not. You'd satisfied that small craving you had.

In response to Aaliyah, you simply shrugged and said,

"I guess there's just more in store for me."

✺ ✺ ✺

After the run with Sam, Steve took a hot shower and let the water run down his body. As always, hot showers brought along thinking sessions. Usually Steve thought of the things he'd lost, the things he still had yet to adjust to. But right now, all he had on his mind was you. And it didn't make him melancholy or nervous the way that it did in the past.

This time he just thought of you with sweet pleasure, without even touching himself. And he thought of the things Bucky had said about trust, just a little while before he'd revealed his face to you; about how at surface level it can appear hard to trust someone, but that gut instinct reveals who you could trust, even if it didn't seem like you should. And you were gaining Steve's trust steadfastly.

To Steve, it was crazy that you had only just started talking to each other on this level. You felt much closer. It made sense, because you'd spoken for so much time before, but it wasn't the same as how you were speaking now. It was developing, quick and easy, it wasn't hard for Steve to call you his friend.

And maybe, even more. The same with you, Steve had known the romantic potentials of your relationship - it was a part of what had scared him off at first. He knew it, maybe even more than you did. Because while you solely acknowledged the romantic potential, Steve could feel himself looking a bit more into it. He was wondering what it might be like to be closer to you- the beautiful pros and even the cons. He wanted to know how much closer he could get, to satisfy the feeling of simply wanting to be closer. He couldn't get enough of you and your cute quirks and the conversations you had together outside of the cam site.

Being friends with you was more than enough, but the feelings that were bubbling up were hard to ignore. They made him so vibrant, and it was noticeable. He kept his head on his shoulders, but not pinned on too hard. Some part of him thought that maybe he was just letting his head go too far in the clouds because he wasn't used to being this spontaneous, wasn't used to the feeling of earning a new friend under such exclusive circumstances. That the freshness of the situation was getting him overexcited, and that maybe he was more of an old fuddy duddy than he realized. But another part of him thought that this was a slow blooming realization, and that he shouldn't clip it while it was still budding.

It was exciting, it was nerve wracking. He had felt this way before the reveal, but it was crushed beneath the ruins of his own anxieties and fears. Now that he felt he was free to connect in this way, he was hopeful, like there really was something out there for him. Months ago, he thought looking for love was pretty much a dead end, and something he didn't have the time for. Now, even though he wasn't infatuated, he was a bit more optimistic about the fact that there was something here for him, something he had passed roadblocks to get to.

He was already learning from you, he could only imagine what you could teach each other if you got closer. And so, the possibility, no matter how reachable or unreachable it was, intrigued him. He was walking around with the ghost of a smile on his face because of it. Again, he wasn't completely gone off you. The feeling was like he was just dipping his toes in to a very deep pool.

He was lying in bed, opening another snap from you. No filter, no makeup, just you in bed on your side, the sheets over your head, a small smile to match your sleepy eyes. The caption read: "goodnight!" Steve couldn't help but feel special about the fact that he got to see you up close like this, outside of your Moonrose act, stripped down, the same way you felt special about the fact that you were texting someone like him. He looked at the picture for far too long, in the same position as you, smiling before he was able to realize he was even doing it. If he could feel all these things just by looking at you, a friend, he knew there was more to come. And finally, he was thinking he could be open to that.

Thinking that he could want to take things further, on his own initiative.

note: EEP!!! this was a big chapter !!! how do we feel <3

#orbitariums #girls on film #steve rogers #steve rogers smut #steve rogers imagine #steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers reader insert #captain america x reader #captain america #captain america imagine #captain america x you #smut #marvel #marvel smut #marvel imagine #steve rogers series #marvel series

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gautierprotectionsquad · 3 years

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Crossover fic: Cut&Run / AFTG. Ty Grady/Zane Garrett. Andrew Minyard/Neil Josten. Trying my best at being canon compliant.

Summary: Ty and Zane work in the Baltimore offices of the FBI. Neil Josten was taken in by the FBI in Baltimore. This crossover was practically handed right to me and the only reason no one has wrote it is bc of the lack of overlap between fandoms. Hope someone enjoys.

The Federal Bureau of Investigation in Baltimore have been after The Butcher for over 10 years. They knew it was Nathan Wesninski but were never able to gather enough evidence to convince. Well, Mr. Wesninski had just returned home from prison and the FBI were ready with a welcome home present just for him. Or at least so they thought.

Ty Grady stood, pointed his gun, ready to shoot while someone shouted "FBI. PUT YOUR HANDS UP" and agents entered the building. Someone was sitting in a chair in front of Nathan Wesninski's house. As he got closer, Ty realized that they were bleeding, another couple steps, realized they were tied to the chair.

He was just a boy. The boy smiled, crazed.

"My name is Nathaniel Wesninski and my father is dead." The boy couldn't stop laughing.

Agents left the building. One of them said "sir, everyone was dead when we walked in. No survivors. Confirmed that one of the bodies was Wesninski's.

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

***

"I wasn't even aware Wesninki had a kid," Zane said as he watched Nathaniel through the 2-sided mirror.

"No one did. This is so fucked up. Tortured his own damn kid." Ty couldn't jeep the anger out of his voice. He came in first thing to see how the kid was doing, wanting to know what they’ve gotten out of him so far. They needed this kid. He was the only thing they had to crack down on the rest of the Butcher’s people.

Nathaniel aka Neil Josten had just gotten out of the hospital and was now being interrogated by two fbi agents. The boy was completely covered in bandages covering up burn marks from god knows what and deep cuts all over.

One of the agents left the room. "He's refusing to talk.”

“That man almost killed him but he’s protecting his people now?” Zane asked.

“No. He wants to talk to his team first.”

"Team?" Zane asked

"Neil Josten is the star striker for the Palmetto State Foxes exy team," Ty answered.

"You've got to be kidding me. He's been on TV?"

The other agent spoke. "They've been looking for him. We already called his coach. They're on their way in a discreet van. They'll be here soon."

****

His teammates were insane. Every single one of them. The Palmetto State Foxes were famous for being a team filled with problem children that the rest of society gave up on as well as being insanely talented. Every. Single. One of them refused to talk. The only thing they'd say is "Let me see Neil" and nothing else. Ty didn't think they knew anything anyway. It wasn't until a five foot gremlin pulled a knife on one of the agents that they decided to let them all get their way. But not without the knife kid getting handcuffed to his coach.

They put them all in a hotel room and gave them 20 minutes.

Neil agreed to tell them everything as long as Andrew, the knife gremlin, came with and that he not be put in witness protection. Instead, he'll be allowed to live his life as Neil Josten of the Palmetto State Foxes.

"Wait. He doesn't want witness protection?" Zane asked, confused.

"The coach is just as insane as the rest of them. Yeah. Nathaniel would rather play exy." said agent Brown, his hands in the air, angry that Neil had threatened him and gotten what he wanted.

For some reason, it didn't sit right with Ty that Brown was still calling him Nathaniel. Everyone that cared about the kid considered him Neil. Anyway, referring to the kid as Nathaniel Wesninski when his father's name was Nathan Wesninski was confusing as fuck and such a headache for Ty. Neil Josten was easier.

"It's sort of smart. He's a public figure. We can't take him away without everyone knowing what happened. And someone's bound to recognize him from tv. Being so visible makes him easy to find but it's also it's own form of protection. No one can kill him without risking cameras or everyone on the news talking about it."

As if to prove Ty's point, the station they were currently on started talking about Neil Josten, the sports anchors all taking a guess at what happened based only on rumors. Some of them were right, that he was kidnapped, while others were outlandish and, unfortunately for Neil Josten, not nearly as outlandish as the reality. Can't kidnap a public figure without everyone talking about it.

They all took shifts to take notes on Neil's story. It started when he was just 10 years old and it was long and impressive. Even agent Brown stopped giving Neil shit after learning about their choice to keep running rather than staying with another crime family for protection. Andrew sat next to him the whole time, clearly a calming presence for Neil, giving him strength.

Ty and Zane both came into the interrogation room after 3 hours. Zane handed Neil and Andrew some food.

"Looks like we're in the 7th inning stretch" Ty said, hoping to lighten the mood.

"I don't speak baseball," Neil said.

Ty gave Zane a pained look. Zane just smiled.

"Half time, then. Are those in exy?" Ty asked, not able to remove his rude tone.

That resulted in Neil giving a 10 minute long speech about the rules of exy. Zane was probably imagining it but for a second he thought he saw a pained look in Andrew's eyes before he went back to his usual bland expression.

Ty put his hand up. "I'm going to have to stop you there. Breaks over. We should get your story over with. The sooner you finish, the sooner we can all go home."

That shut him up. He sighed, looked at Andrew for support, then continued where he left off. His father had caught up to him and his mother and his mother had stopped to fight back. She was hurt. Bad. But she kept driving until they got to a beach and then died. Neil didn't specify which beach but he told them that he burned the car and then buried her, got rid of all their belongings and evidence and set up his current and final identity. Neil Josten. How he gave up running and just let his father capture him when he threatened his teammates.

Ty felt like he was leaving some things out but it didn't matter. They were getting names, they were going to bring Nathan Wesninski's people down. The kid was a pathological liar forced to spill his whole unfortunate life story. Let him keep a few secrets.

When he got to his father's "birthday present" Ty couldn't stop himself from gagging. Zane grimaced, also grossed out. Especially because Neil said it so casually.

"Don't worry. It was animal blood," he said as if it made everything better. Ty was reminded of Neil's look of delight when he said his father was dead. That kid was going to need some major therapy.

Ty and Zane went home late that night, not even caring if people saw them leaving together. Ty drove one handed, the other hand clasped in Zane's, resting on Zane's thigh. Neither of them spoke, knowing that both of them were thinking about Neil Josten aka Alex Rodriguez aka Johnathan Collins aka Henry West and so on and so forth. A kid that grew up with a serial killer and mobster for a father and the scars to prove it. A kid kept hidden and then forced on the run until he couldn't run anymore.

Ty knew Neil was lying about not knowing where the rest of the money his mother stole from his father was but Ty didn't give a shit. Not like the other agents like Brown would. Let the kid have it.

Finally, Zane spoke up. "So what the fuck is exy?"

Ty chuckled. "Didn't you hear the kid's 10 minute long rant?"

"Those rules don't even make any sense. How is it even physically possible to stop a goal. And what do you mean mouth guards are optional?"

"I'll put a game on when we get home and you'll see. I hear the knife gremlin's insanely talented. Like Olympian level."

Zane lay on the couch while Ty put on a rerun of a Palmetto Foxes exy game, the one right before Neil got kidnapped. Ty plopped down on the top of Zane, making Zane grunt, and got comfortable.

Zane read more about the players on his phone. Seeing that 2 of the foxes, including Andrew Minyard's twin brother, were recovering drug addicts made him a lot more invested in the game.

THE END.

#fanfiction #fanfic #aftg #all for the game #cut & Run #crossover fic #the foxes #the king's men #ty grady #zane garrett #neil josten #andrew minyard #Nathaniel wesninski #romanticsap

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cometcalloway · 3 years

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15 Temperament Blends [xxx] The site makes you pay to take the actual assessment, just eyeball it & pick what fits

Tagged by: @magioffire (thanks!) Tagging: YOU and my 4 newest cool mutuals, @moonandbreeze @chilledtouch @starulus @destruqtivist 👋

Sparrow || The Director (Choleric-Phlegmatic)

The Choleric-Phlegmatic combination is driven by two temperament needs. Their primary need is to get results. The secondary need is to accommodate others. Either need may dominate their behavior depending on the requirements of the situation.

When the Choleric and the Phlegmatic natural tendencies are combined it produces a result-oriented person who is very determined and unemotional when attempting to accomplish a goal.

The Choleric-Phlegmatic is more individualistic and unyielding than the other Choleric combinations. This combination is like a director because they naturally like telling others what to do.

The Choleric-Phlegmatic is naturally a result-oriented, determined, unemotional, and focused individual. They have a strong, stubborn will, and they are independent and very individualistic. They have a firm, stoic expression (flat affect) on their face, and will rarely smile. They are not open, friendly, animated or talkative. They slowly build a few close relationships and will help only those they consider to be their friend.

They are confident and may appear aloof. They want to be in charge because of confidence in their ability to make better decisions. They can be very direct, brief, and blunt when answering questions. They tend to be impatient, especially when instructing others; they dislike weakness in others. It is one of the least frequently found combinations.

Sparrow has a trauma thing & he can generally be hard to pin down. He spent the first half of his life working under a mindset that being gracious, selfless, and meek was his divinely-ordained true nature (as a holy sacrifice). He spent the second half of his life leaning into self-determination and letting himself have and own ‘negative’ emotions, while the public demonized him as a blasphemous traitor. None of it was wasted, & his ‘true self’ can be a mishmash. He has plenty of authentic ‘let’s cuddle with bunnies and do a guided meditation’ traits, & plenty of authentic ‘fuck you, I’m the boss of me and I was put on this earth to feel good and know my worth’ traits. I picked this description bc it fits him really well to people who don’t know him, in a setting where he doesn’t feel relaxed (most settings tbh). But he’s also a pacifist, a Younger Sibling with playful Younger Sibling energy, & someone who’s very spiritual & has a complex emotional side. He has really powerful magic, & Rook is usually around to protect him. Sometimes the person who’s “in charge” is the person who specifically acts like they’re in charge, sometimes the person who’s “in charge” is the person who doesn’t need to prove what’s already true & just kinda does whatever.

Rook || The Trainer (Melancholy-Choleric)

The Melancholy-Choleric combination is driven by two temperament needs. The primary temperament need is to do things right. The secondary need is to get results. Either need may dominate behavior depending on the situation.

When the Melancholy and the Choleric natural tendencies are combined, it produces a detail-oriented person who pushes to get results. They have a strong drive to tell others what they know, and what to do. This combination naturally likes to teach or train others what they know.

The Melancholy-Choleric is a systematic and precise thinker. They follow self-imposed, strict procedures in both their business and personal lives. The Melancholy-Choleric has a firm, serious expressions, and they rarely smile.

They not only want to do things right and get results, they strive to figure out what is right. The Melancholy-Choleric is, therefore, more pushy and blunt than the other Melancholy combinations. They can be abrasive and offensive when communicating with others. The Melancholy-Choleric is attentive to details and push to have things done correctly according to their standards. They have high standards for themselves and others. They can be a perfectionist about some things. They will resist change until the reasons are explained, defended, and accepted.

They are sensitive and conscientious. They can behave in a diplomatic manner, except when it comes to deviating from their standards. The Melancholy-Choleric can be too forceful in insisting the right way (or their way) be followed.

They are not socially active, preferring work and privacy to being with people. The Melancholy-Choleric may have some difficulty in relationships because they are not flexible, and they have a brief, direct, sometimes blunt manner of communication.

The Melancholy-Choleric tends to make decisions slowly because of their need to collect and analyze information (several times) until they are sure of the right and best course of action. The Melancholy-Choleric is not a frequently found combination.

This is Rook!!! To push back on that ‘not socially active’ piece; he isn’t a social butterfly, but he feels the most at home when he’s surrounded by a bunch of people who are on his side, and they’re all connecting with each other & not expecting him to join in, & he can choose when and how to connect as he feels like it, if he feels like it. One of the hardest things about protecting Sparrow was giving up community. Sparrow has trauma around being part of a community (as fun and convenient as it sounds), so Sparrow experienced running away from the life they always knew as positive and healing. Rook was part of an army, and then he and Sparrow were alone and everybody hated them. He never used to think that community was so important to him when it was always there. He never knew what he was giving up until it was gone. Not that he regrets his choice.

#Ashes of Omelas | Characterization #I kind of eyeballed this & referenced their enneagram types #(8w9 for Sparrow; 1w9 for Rook)#I may change these in the future as I learn more about the typing system!

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jidai · 3 years

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jidai’s budget mutuals/friends appreciation

Hi, all! I’m quite late with this but I decided to put a small friends and mutual appreciations post in hopes of brightening up the end of this year a little bit. ❤️ If you were tagged, please make sure to check below for a small little message from me. However, I want to make it very clear that I truly appreciate all of my mutuals. You guys brighten up my dash and always reblog or create so many funny and creative posts. I just wanted to give a few special shout outs to those that have taken out the time to reach out and interacted with me past my ask box or we just see each other often.

The messages are ordered by your URL, so you might have to scroll for awhile before you see your messages. I’m so sorry lmao.

Happy New Years, everyone!

@25th, Nonnie, the Young Genius. bro, remind me how old you are 🧍‍♀️ Like my brain CANNOT fathom the thought that you’re so skilled at SO many things and you’re not even in your twenties??? PLEASE SPARE THE TALENT. i will even accept crumbs. But I’m writing to tell you that you are such a wonderful presence on my dash. I always look forward to your gfx. They’re so SO good and you’re improving from one post to another. Like WOW. Now, you’re even starting an art blog, too? You’re so dedicated to the arts. I respect that a lot. Your hard work and commitment will bring you very far in life, whatever you decide to do.

I love interacting with you. You’re such a big sweetheart and full of positivity and energy. I look forward to seeing more of your art and gfx ❤️

@biscuitwalk, Dann, the AK Wiz. Dann, I know you’re not as active on here so idk when or if you will ever read this but I want to say that I miss you and your creations so, so much. I will say it a hundred times over and OVER but you inspire me so goddamn much. You have no fucking idea. Your works are absolutely gorgeous and unique. I can look at it once and I can instantly recognize your style (and your cute lil’ pufferfish <3). The way you utilize colors and implement various techniques, shapes, textures into your work. Goddamn, you’re so good. I always look to your work if I ever need inspiration and they help me brainstorm. God, I wish I could put it into words how much I adore your works.

We didn’t really talk for long but you seemed like such a kind and fun person to be around. I wish you the best in your future endeavors, wherever you are. Stay safe <3

@elriccs, Mirai, the Short King. 🧍‍♀️ ok look I know, I know I’m TERRIBLE at replying to you and I’m so fucking sorry. I absolutely love to talk to you but my dumbass cannot seem to reply in a timely manner LASELKSAL. That’s on me and I gotta do better. Anyways!!! Thank you SO fucking much for always leaving such kind messages on my work. I swear to god you’re one of my biggest hype man and I ALWAYS look forward to reading your tags. They’re so funny and it makes me all tingly and happy inside. Bro, like, you just radiate big fun vibes, bro. I really hope that I can get to know you better so I can just insult you until it’s too late to walk away </3

And of course, let me also remind you that I love your works so much. They way that you utilize your textures and those muted colors... OOMPH *chefs kiss* I will always love--

@lockhvrts, Em the Soulsborne GOD. hi em 🥺 it’s been awhile since I’ve had a proper conversation with you and I hope you’re doing okay! I miss you and our conversations where we do nothing but geek out and complain about the game industry lmao. if you manage to read this, I just wanted to let you know I miss your presence here. It’s been kinda dull not seeing your beautiful soulsborne gifs and your game rants. Let’s catch up soon. <3 stay safe and well!

@nathanprescutt, Benn, the Man. BENNNNNNNN. I love you a lot bro. I know we haven’t had long conversations for some time and I hope I can change that! You were my first friend on this blog and I will always appreciate it. I remember us just geeking out over your works and how I would always send you a gfx request like once a week LMAO. The one thing that I have always appreciated about you was the fact that you’re very opinionated (if not, very vocal on your stance on things) and you hold your ground. There were a few time where you encouraged me to speak on topics that I think I shouldn’t and that stuck with me for quite awhile. I’m still a nervous rambling mess when it comes to debates but just know that the one time you supported me to voice my opinion--I hold it very dear to my heart.

While I don’t spend much time together, I will always remember our animal crossing session. It was so much fun just trashing and chilling on your island. Especially the bar :( that bar was fucking AMAZING. Maybe once FFXVI comes out, we can geek out hehe

Also, thank you so much for sending in photos of all your doggos, omg. I miss seeing them so much I hope they’re doing well. Stay hot, my German bro lol. Ich bin sehr dankbar, so eine tolle Freundin zu haben. ❤️❤️❤️

@noxdivina, Lin the Big Dick Daddy Kind. The church is open for business bitch and I’m here to preach the GOSPEL.

Okay, jokes aside, I’m really happy that we became mutuals. You’ve always give off this like, mysterious cosmic vibe (????? huh). And your selfies just further proves that you are wtf. But you’re always so kind to those that you interact with. You’re an absolutely sweetheart and like I just want to give you a giant hug every time we interact. You’re such a soft human being. It’s so nice being around you. It’s like being tossed in the oven and baked at 250 degrees F for 25 minutes. And to boot you’re really talented, hello? God really said let there be a perfect human being and yeeted you into the universe. Thank you for always leaving such kind messages and words in my DM/askbox/works. I cherish them so much. I hope I can get to know you better in the future bc you’re rad, bro <3

anyways, updated drawing of u and maya:

i always assume you’re in a black fur parka 24/7 and maya is coatless neck down. also deck me with those jacked arms of yours thanks 🧍‍♀️

(edit: fuck i forgot to draw a PARTY HAT ON MAYA IM SORRY)

@rokuseis, Sei, the Dumber.

i have nothing to say to you go away you banana hater ASELKSAEKL

BITCH, you doo bee getting on my nerve 24/7/365 🧍‍♀️ you were an unexpected but a very welcomed addition to my life. I can’t believe we really went 1 fuckin’ year without speaking to each other and then suddenly our friendship blew up because over a stupid BANANA. Now you gotta deal with me and my stupid, random, crude ass messages daily. I cannot. Clown to clown communication. But thank you so much bitch for being there for me and telling all of these funny ass stories and life experiences.

I know I don’t say it a lot because when we talk it’s literally just dogs barking at each other but I want to make it clear now: I love your humor and vibe so much. You never fail to make me laugh anytime I talk to you and I appreciate it so much. I can’t tell you how many times I felt better after talking to you. Even though sometimes your fucking jab hits hard and I end up actually inSULTED BY IT. But thank you for becoming my friend and I look forward to all of our stupid moments together. Looking forward to shitting in your sink when I finally fly to your home <3

@wolfamongthem, Anna, the Grinch. Please don’t hurt me for that title. I'm just saying if someone needs a live casting, it’ll be u. Anyways, did you know that I was so fucking intimidated by you for a long ass time, even before we became mutuals aseljas LMAO. I always see your gifs around on explore and they’re so gorgeous and then I look at your text posts and it’s u roasting people like there’s no tomorrow- 🧍‍♀️ bitch I was SCARED OF U KSKS. Now that I’ve talked to you a few times, you’re really funny like where do you find those reaction memes????? Like bro you and your shitposts is my morning cup of coffee.

Anyways, in 2021 I expect a full-fledge review of all AAA games from you-- no more shit talking in the tags let it all out BITCH. Thank you for being such a great mutual! I look forward to see what weird shit you will send me the next time we talk lmao

@zenien, Selm, the I’m-gay-for-Lady-Maria-or-anything-that-moves-in-BB-Bitch™. ok bitch if I’m being honest I wrote yours last so my brain is FRIED. so everything i say from here is raw from the HEARt cause that’s all I got left. But anyhow, we savin’ the best for last! honestly, i didn’t expect you to barge into my life like that. i really didn’t. i was just gonna keep admiring with my 7 feet (2.1336 meters) pole. I’m glad you made the first move because look where we are wtf 🧍‍♀️ friends??? I wouldn’t believe you if you told me that in 2014 when I first followed you lmao.

You’re such a kind soul. I know you may disagree but I’m determined to convince you. I can’t tell you how much I want to thank you for taking the time to talk to me during my rough bits. It’s like sitting on a wooden bench in a park during sunset and you sit next to me, just enjoying the vast sky. You radiate such peaceful energy. It’s very calming. Or you know, 2 seconds later i’m suddenly suplexed by your 40 tons of insults like what--

Thank you for everything, so far. Truly. It’s been so fun listening to you talk about your Bloodborne journey and see your reactions live. It’s been so fun to see you post your graphics and it continues to blow me away. It’s been so fun hearing about your life and the stories of your adulthood. Every words that we have exchanged, I hold dearly to my heart--more than you ever know. Love u bitch.

#for mutuals #mutuals don't ask about your titles i was being quirky LMAO #this took so long so i hope it works properly sksks #it hasn't been proofread so enjoy the mess

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spearxwind · 5 years

Photo

ALRIGHT I can finally post this! The first of hopefully a bunch of big movie cgi monster reimaginings that I want to do. This was also posted one month ago on my patreon, along WIPS and other stuff, so do check it out!!

Anyway, this is the full, in-depth rework for the indominus rex that i worked on during April!! There’s a LOT of thought that went into this. and i mean A SHIT TON. I took the time to write a long ass artist/design commentary (under the readmore, bc its long) to explain all my decisions for this, design-wise!

I hope yall like this :’) I spent an inordinate amount of time perfecting it

Artist commentary - Indominus rex

Okay there’s a lot I want to talk about but let’s start…. at the beginning shall we.

I did this whoooole thing for two reasons: 1. I want to prove that I am at least some good at creature design, and able to do concept art for my things and 2. a lot of movie monsters, particularly ones made by legendary studios, are never…. that great at all. The indominus had SO MUCH promise as a concept, but in the end they wasted her potential and that was really sad; so i took it onto myself to try and make another, wilder take on it.

OH BUT FIRST, DISCLAIMER: The art is in no way meant to be 100% anatomically correct. First bc this thing does not and hopefully never will exist physically, and second because I’m a simple student and can only dedicate so much time to anatomy and such yes.

PART 1. CONSTRUCTION OF THE BEAST

The indominus, according to the movie, is an artificial dinosaur, made from scraps and selected genetics from both a lot of dinosaurs (tyrannosaurus, gigantosaurus, therizinosaurus, majungasaurus, rugops, velocirraptor, carnotaurus and although it is not a dinosaur it also has deinosuchus dna) and some modern animals as well (including cuttlefish, tree frog and pit viper), making it a chimera of sorts.

The first thing you might notice is that.. i gave it a veil! Like a cuttlefish’s swimmy.. fin thing. The whole top part of the indominus is a cuttlefish “cover”, and hence it can do anything a cuttlefish could do (change colors or textures) but only on that part of its body. The movie pulling the ‘yeah it can turn invisible lol’ card was hhhh because we don’t really see it in action (i mean. That’s the point but also not) and it’s kind of wild that it could have just changed its whole body’s color at will so why not put a little more sense into it and just have it be the parts influenced by the cuttlefish? Oh, and a lot of the animals used to make this genetic trainwreck are water dwelling and/or amphibian so… this monster is ALSO amphibian. It can swim really well, and generally do well in water for certain periods of time (it’s still much better suited for land but I digress). I think it’d have used the camouflage ability especially when going along the surface of the water so it’s stark white body doesn’t stand out horribly.

For the head I went with a much more crocodilian approach since it’s supposed to be heavy and wide, however the original design had a bunch of mistakes that i aimed to fix with that too, namely: the jaw joint being literally In The Neck for some reason, made it look frail as hell and like it’d have no strength, and also it had a horribly frail looking, shrinkwrapped neck, which I also took a stab at. (Speaking of shrinkwrapping, they did the same for the skull which. yikes.)

The OG head also had a ridiculous width to it compared to the eye placement, so it wouldn’t have been able to see much at all, added to the fact that it had a really, really small brain case.

In this new version i tried to fix all those things, and added a few aspects from other animals like the eyes being a mixture between slanted frog/snake eyes, and then the cuttlefish horizontal pupil. Biologically and realistically, this wouldn’t make much sense at all but fuck it, it can’t possibly be the worst thing.

The indo I made also has a lot of spikes on its head (as opposed to just two) and they’re all forward facing (as opposed to the OG’s backward facing spikes ???) AND last but not least it has heat pits right below its eyes. Those are from the pit viper and can sense heat signatures (cause i mean. why would you make a dinosaur and specifically mention pit viper dna but then do nothing with that. oh my god.)

I also discarded all the hard scales/spikes on the back in favor of it being able to make new ‘spikes’ with the cuttlefish texturing.

Next item: the arms. In the movie they’re a big part of the dinosaur’s action for whatever reason, it behaves like a half quadrupedal half bipedal creature. Sadly i elected to ignore that. The designers gave it long talons and then justified it by using therizinosaurus, which 1. had bigger talons, proportionately and 2. had bird wrists. So it could NOT have walked on its front legs and that’s the direction i went. Amped the fuck out of those claws, and i gave it the tree frog pads on its fingers (so instead of having to always spear things, it can hold onto stuff by patting it with those) and put some webbing all over bc 1. frog dna, 2. bird dna, 3. cuttlefish dna. I also gave it pin feathers on its forearms, because yeah velociraptor dna. Whoever did the OG design just said ‘yeah we gave it pin feathers from velociraptor dna’ which is what those weird spikes on its neck were, and called it a day.

The legs and tail don’t have that much more going on for them, same stuff. Frog pads and then a couple feathers. The tail itself i imagine is less rounded like we’ve been reconstructing theropods and more crocodilian looking so it can propel itself when swimming.

PART 2. GIVING IT FLAWS

Of course, being a genetic trainwreck, it’s not a Perfect Organism™, so you can see fuck-ups here and there because this thing had so many dna used for it...,

Let’s start with the head (because it’s where most of the items are anyway.)

The fucked up teeth. Those drove me up the entire wall in the OG design because yeah, they were fucked up bc of dna and that was cool! But they also had them all on the outside for some reason?? and they were stupid sharp and small so they didn’t look like many at all… just frail in general. I changed that to have a couple external teeth (croc dna again, tbh i just went with a lot of croc) and then a LOT of teeth actually inside the mouth. Also asymmetrical because, again. fuckt up.

In the mouth too, it’s got two tongues. One is actually functional, and the other (the snakey one) is fused to the bottom of its mouth. Itd still function as a smell sensory organ like an actual snake’s, it just cannot be thwiped out of the mouth.

The hole in its lower jaw is also the snake dna fucking up, making a not-quite-split jaw. It’s not functional either, it’s just a hole. It’s also got a regular opening to flick the tongue out like a normal snake, it just can’t.

I … did not give it scales (i did give it HINTS of scales, but nothing major) Because. yeah i figured it would be less likely to have them in this scenario haha

Also apparently in the movie they said it could manipulate its heat signature and i just scrapped that entirely cause what the fuck. I mean it’s cool but it didn’t do much, i feel like it’d be scarier if they could have KNOWN where this thing was but just couldn’t zone in on it either way bc it was that good at being stealthy.

The colors. The OG design is white bc of the invisibility thing, and it gives it an overall artificial feel that is great. I wasn’t quite able to emulate that because I went for a more naturally colored look, it’s just an albino bastard. Being this color would definitely be a disadvantage since it’d make it visible to everyone, so rather than just go ‘oh god oh fuck’ [turns invisible] and be done it’d have to curl up and position itself so the veil covers any would-be visible parts of it.

And uhh that’s about all I have! Ty for reading!

#windyart #indominus rex #jurassic world #dinosaur #creature design #legendary redesign #i think theres one more thing in this tag but its very very old and im gonna redo it anyway #h idk what to tag this as. i rly hope people like it :')))

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pennylanefics · 5 years

Text

first times

a/n: if you didn’t see my post, i updated this character list. i have removed both eddie and robin, and have included liam :) hope you all are okay with the change, it’s been easier for me tbh bc i could never write well for either of them. anyways, hope you like this one!! in my opinion, i don’t think these are the greatest, so sorry :|

warnings: liam’s is a little steamy

•••

taron

- you and taron had been on a few dates so far, and everything was going great. he is a super sweet guy and so caring, and you could see this blossoming into a relationship.

because of his sweet nature, he had yet to kiss you. and every time you went on a date, all you could think about was kissing his perfect lips and imagining what they felt like. but, you knew the right time would come, and you wanted to wait for the perfect moment instead of asking awkwardly.

that time came on your fifth date, about a month since you two have been seeing each other. he took you to a laid-back diner, one that he went to all the time since he was a kid. the food was amazing, the dessert was even better, and now you two were walking through the park that was nearby. considering it was close to eight at night, there wasn’t anyone else there. there was a slight breeze, which caused you to shiver.

“you cold?” taron asks, although he knew the answer. almost immediately, his jacket was off his body and he was draping it over your shoulders.

“thank you,” you say softly, slowing down your pace just a bit. taron keeps his gaze on you as he comes to a complete stop. you notice this and stop as well.

“something wrong, t?” he shakes his head and steps closer towards you, leaning down just a little, still keeping his eyes on yours. you see his green orbs flicker down to your lips for a split second, and before you know it, his lips are on yours. and the kiss is magical.

he tastes of the chocolate dessert you two shared, along with a hint of cigarette smoke. you didn’t mind it, though, because his lips were so soft and you melted against him.

when you two pulled back, taron rests his forehead on yours, his breath hitting your face.

“fuck, i’m falling hard for you, love.”

dennis

- “you know, you’re the first relationship i’ve ever been in?” dennis’ words threw you off. you two were enjoying a night in, dennis didn’t have to work and you were off for the rest of the night. you took advantage of this, ordering in some food and just laying in bed in each other’s arms. you two had moved on to watch a movie after the food was gone. but, upon hearing dennis’ voice, you pause the movie and sit up to peer down at him.

“really?” you clarify, just to make sure you heard him right.

“yeah. i’ve always been too messed up for girls i went to school with. hell, i was seen as the kid everyone was warned to stay away from. me and gog were those two boys the entire school despised. and i never met any girl outside of school because, well, i was never the cleanest. my clothes were ratty, i reeked of smoke, weed, and alcohol, i’m not surprised no one wanted to be with me.” the heartbreak in dennis’ voice saddened you. he sounded so hurt and broken, you just wanted to hold him forever and protect him from the world.

“oh den. i’m so sorry. i don’t know why no one would want to be with you. you’re the sweetest guy i’ve ever met. yeah, you had a bad past, but you’ve grown and you’re past that now. you are such a better person than you think you are, trust me.” he smiles and reaches up to stroke your cheek.

“i’m happy that you think that. i’m glad you don’t see me for my past or what i’ve done. i’m trying hard to move on from it, and thanks to you, i’m already so much better.” you lean into his touch and hold onto his wrist to keep his hand there.

“den, you don’t realize how amazing you are. when i say i’ve never met any man like you, i’m not joking. you are so caring and kind and considerate, i could never see myself with anyone else.”

“i love you,” dennis whispers. you two have said it before, but for some reason, there was so much more meaning and sincerity to it.

“i love you too, bub. now, let’s continue our movie night, yeah?” but, dennis has a different idea. as soon as you lay back down, he is on top of you, kissing you slowly and passionately.

“no, let’s do something more fun.”

eggsy

- your friends had dragged you out to the pub for a night of fun. well, it was more of a night for them to meet guys and go home with them. you, however, didn’t feel like drinking or meeting anyone. hell, you didn’t even feel like leaving the house in the first place.

but, your entire night changed when you laid eyes on a very handsome man. he had been eyeing you since you walked in, but you didn’t want to make the first move. so, you sat with your friends, he sat with his, and you two continued to make eyes at each other.

finally, when you decided to step outside for some fresh air, the man followed you, seeing this as a way to talk with you. the cool breeze of the night whips your face, making you sigh out in content. it was extremely stuffy in there, so you were happy to feel free.

“needed a break from your friends?” a voice asks you. turning, you see the man leaning against the wall a couple feet from you.

“yeah. i didn’t even wanna come tonight, but they made me.” the worst case scenarios started popping up in your head. you were wondering what this guy wanted. was he going to kill you? kidnap you? he didn’t seem like the type, but men are very unpredictable.

“why not?” you turn to face him and raise your eyebrows.

“and why would i tell a stranger that?” he shrugs and shoves his hands in his jacket pocket.

“i’m eggsy,” he introduces himself.

“eggy?” you ask in confusion. eggsy chuckles and shakes his head.

“eggsy. ‘egg’ with an ‘s’ and ‘y’ added.”

“odd name.”

“just a nickname.” you turn your body to face him, your shoulder against the wall.

“what’s yours?” he asks.

“(y/n)”

“beautiful name, love.”

“how do i know you’re not some creep who just wants to shove me in his trunk and drive away?” you half-jokingly ask. eggsy laughs and shakes his head.

“i’m not like that, i promise.”

“how are you gonna prove it?” he thinks for a moment before smirking playfully.

“come back to mine and i can make you scream in another way.”

dean

- being with dean wasn’t the easiest. he was the biggest party boy and you knew that you couldn’t stop him. after a couple months of dating, though, he seemed to lighten it up a bit. he started spending more time with you, slowly stopped using drugs, and even became much more of an actual boyfriend.

he was beginning to take you on real dates, he bought you flowers and chocolate at random times, he even stayed in almost every friday and saturday night just to be with you. it surprised you how affectionate he had become, his friends even began bugging him about it. although it didn’t seem to bother him much. so, one day, you decided to ask him about his habits.

“dean, can i talk to you for a few minutes?” you ask, stepping into his office where he sat at the desk. he glances up with a worried look, but follows you into the living room anyway.

“something up, sweets?” he wonders.

“no, well, kinda. i just want to know why you’ve suddenly changed. you’ve stopped partying, going out, doing drugs, you’ve been seriously affectionate and sweet towards me. this doesn’t seem like you, not that i’m complaining. i just want to know what changed?” dean is silent for a moment before taking your hand and smiling up at you.

“you changed me. although you didn’t do anything but treat me like an actual human, i realized that there’s so much more to life than partying and getting high. being with you makes me much happier than when i’m high, and i can’t thank you enough for showing me what real love is like. you’re the first person i’ve ever loved and-”

“you love me?” you interrupt him. your eyes are wide with shock at the confession. he had yet to say it, and you were wondering if he was even the type of guy to fall in love.

“well, yeah. i have since i met you, honestly. you saw me as more than my “party animal” persona, you saw something deeper and you decided to stay through my fucked up life. no one has ever stayed around long enough, it’s always been a fuck and go. but with you, i’m so fucking in love with you, it actually terrifies me. but i’m happy that we found each other because i have no idea if i’d even be alive if it weren’t for you.” the things dean was telling you were thoughts you wouldn’t have figured he’d ever have. somehow, you changed him for the better, and you couldn’t be happier.

“i’m happy that i was able to get through to you, unintentionally. i love you too, dean, and i’m so proud of how far you’ve come.”

“it’s all because of you, baby. now come here and give me a cuddle.”

liam

- liam’s lips pressed against yours fervently as he pushed you down on his bed. his hands were placed on either side of your head, holding himself up, while your hands traveled under his shirt, scratching your nails against his skin.

what was supposed to be a study session quickly turned into a make out session. it started with short kisses whenever you got an answer right, those kisses turned into more with each one, and now here you were. but, there was one problem: you had never gone this far with a guy before. and you figured liam has by how well of a kisser he is.

after a few minutes of making out, you pull back and look up at liam.

“li, uh, i-”

“i’m a virgin, (y/n),” he admits before you can. your eyes widen a bit, not expecting him to tell you that.

“i am too.” he nods and moves to sit beside you. you sit up and grab his hand, stroking your thumb against the back of it.

“liam, i’m ready if you are. i don’t want this to happen with anyone else. i love you and i trust you.” he gazes at you, his eyes full of love and a smile on his lips.

“i love you too. and i’d be happy if you were my first, if you are happy with me being yours. well, i mean, you did just say that and-” you cut his rambling off with a soft kiss, silently telling him that you were more than okay with this.

“um, i have condoms in m-my drawer, just give me a second.” liam stands up and runs to his dresser, digging through his socks to find the box that contains the item. after a few seconds, liam returns with one and sets it on his nightstand. he goes back to kissing you with the same passion as before you stopped. liam moans into your mouth as you scratch his back again.

“fuck,” liam breathes out against your lips, “can’t wait to show you how much i love you.”

•••

taglist: @loveharrington @arrozsocarrat @toky-9101 @butlegendsneverdie @1-800-fandomsdestroyedme @thankutaron @buck-barn @inglourious-jules @inlovewithmobtom

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tydy-the-megnet · 5 years

Text

Let's Watch Captain Marvel

Alrighty. It's definitely late, but I finally got the DVD. So, I'm watching Captain Marvel.

I've decided to make this post about it, which I will write as I go, because I've seen a lot of discussion about the movie without actually hearing about what happens in it... so uh... yeah. Here are my thoughts as I think them:

Brie Larson looks good with long hair. Also, is Carol bleeding blue...? I want to know what that's about and if it's important

Movie is said to take place in the 90s. Space still already has flying cars. I guess Star Wars wasn't not accurate

Listen Sensei dude, if there is one thing I've learned from anime, emotions only make you stronger.

"You gave me these" *shakes fists* is that literal? Like did Mr Sensei really give her fists or is that referring to her powers...? I know nothing of Captain Marvel

He's talking about controlling impulses again. He clearly hasn't seen any anime

The Skrull are the shapeshifters yeah?

... amnesia...?

Now the supreme intelligence (god ai???) Is also talking about controlling her emotions. I still don't buy it.

Mission time. Digging the banter

"I laugh on the inside. I'm not doing that now."

Hm, not sure how I feel about the helmet thing

Hard light scuba gear? That's cool

I'm digging the kinda star wars vibe

Captain listen to your CO but also dont listen to him at all

Yeah the skrull are the shapeshifters everything makes sense now

Wait is her name Veers? Or is that what she's called just because she doesn't remember who she is?

AIR FORCE YEAH

GO KARTS YEAH

GO KART NO

More of this "too emotional" stuff?

Goose!

Digging the whole mental probe thing.

*Tries percussive maintain on a person*

"I dont know any Dr Larson"

So that had me confused bc I was like "Wasnt her name Danvers?" But Larson is the actress and I guess that's just a character????

Do I have the two backwards?

Skrull: *snarls*

Captain: *snarls back*

I like her

She fights like an anime character while everyone else is an 80s sci-fi movie

Get the boots!!!

And touchdown! Planet C-53! Locally known as Earth!

I guess Captain Marvel could be called a blockbuster hit in-universe and out huh?

I'm hilarious

Honey in basically in the space-boonies now you got no service here lol

This poor confused security guard lol

She called across the galaxy on a pay phone...? Yeah okay cool cool

"[C-53]'s a real shithole" yeah give it 30 years or so it gets worse

Okay why do people not like Captain Marvel?

She's like a mix of Tony, Thor, and Steve

Is that... Coulson? Young Coulson!?

YOUNG FURY!

I don't think that was young Coulson after all...

Or is it?

Idek

TRAIN FIGHT

Why are these bystanders trying to stop Veers(?) from fighting this obviously not normal old lady?

What kinda old lady can flip like that?

TRAIN FIGHT 2, ELECTRIC BOOGALOO

oh it was Young Coulson!

Poor Coulson

Damn, Nick

*uses AltaVista*

So it's later 90s. Got it.

Lmao dial-up

I guess they're in california?

Lmao dial-up

Ah so this is the motorcycle scene I've heard about. Apparently they cut the part where she nearly breaks the guy's fingers? Disappointing.

The skrull aren't carbon-based life forms that's so cool!

Not on the periodic table...? Let's see, in the 90s... I guess stuff like rutherfordium and onward wouldn't be on there. Uh, maybe technetium? There might be a couple others but for the most part chemistry was advanced enough.

Unless it's something beyond like 118. Which is weird to think about but whatever I should stop thinking about it

Except elements like that would have to be in group 14 yeah?

Biology isnt exactly my forte but

Okay perhaps it's what we now know as flerovium?

The elements in the carbon group should react similarly enough to be the foundation of an entire life form

That's why silicon is used for synthetic stuff a lot right?

And tin

I'm getting off track the movie has been paused for a few minutes now

I'm just going to assume they are flerovium-based life forms

Oh shit they're in SHIELD

So Pegasus is a flight team, or an AF division, or....?

"I don't know if this guy is really human. I'd better ask a bunch of questions to which I don't know the answer."

A skrull could be saying random words and it would totally work

"If toast is cut diagonally I can't easy it."

Why the heck not??????

"That was a photon blast" is that what that is? Awesome

I want Peter to meet her. I think he'd have a new contender for favorite

"A skrull can't do that. " how is he supposed to know that?

Young and slightly less suspicious Fury??

"Noble warrior heroes"

J O S E P H

NASA and USAF. Sweet.

"State-of-the-art two-way pager"

Ah the old tape-and-fingerprint trick. Haven't seen that since the 90s--oh

GOOSE

Fury meeting Goose is the purest scene in marvel

"you sat there and watched me play with tape?" Lmao

"Shes kookoo" "Kree glyphs" ":O"

Veers was the pilot

I still don't know her sensei's name

"Excellent work, Nicholas" ":O"

LARSON WAS MAR-VELL!??!!!?!

(I know who Mar-Vell is!)

Okay okay okay

More of this "dont emotion" garbage. Listen Veers, DON'T listen

FURY FIGHT SCENE

COULSON NO

COULSON YES

"You know how to fly this thing?" "Uh" "it's a yes or no question"

GOOSE

They're going to LA

(Louisiana not Los Angeles)

Cool

Why do people not like this this is great!

She's got the worst part of Thor, but the best part of Tony and Steve!

RONIN!?!??!??!?!!?!??!?!?!??!??!:0!?!?!

AUNTIE CAROL?!?!?

(So it IS Carol Danvers. Which means Larson isn't her mother. Which makes since because she's actually Mar-Vell. Who's... well, not the mother.)

The Good Lady Ms. Captain Carol Marvel "I-Can-Boil-Tea-With-My-Bare-Hands-Which-Shoot-Lasers-Too" Danvers Ma'am

"You're jacket. Mom doesn't let me wear it anymore after I spilled ketchup on it."

I dont know this kid's name but I really really like her.

"Call me young lady again and I'll put my foot in a place it's not supposed to be."

... that one is more clever with context but whatever

"Am I supposed to guess where that is?" "Your ass"

Monika. That's the kid's name. She's great.

Ah, more ancient relics they call "tech" lol

FLY TIME

Do a barrel roll

She did a barrel roll!

"Your blood is uhhh blue" "yeah but how's my hair"

Ah, "Vers" bc they assumed that was her name. Interesting.

Also I want to get super power by blowing something up that's way cooler than being bitten by a stupid spider

Is she human? Is she not? I've no clue

The skrull are the good guys. Things are starting to make sense again.

... maybe I should've pushed to watch this before far from home.

... huh.

... is she human?

Okay so I'm still a little confused but I think I got it.

Though I won't say I dont want something else to blow up

"Those aren't coordinates they're orbital vectors." "It's basic physics." "Couldnt you figure that out? You're my science guy."

"I just think you should consider what kind of example you're setting for your daughter." That's it. That's the best line in the whole movie. Time to go.

Her suit can change colors on a whim!?!

That's awesome

I DIG THE NEW LOOK

I mean I saw it in Endgame but

"How do I look?" "Fresh" lmao 90s

RONIN NO

GOOSE YES

"What's a cat?" xD

"Why would I turn into a filing cabinet?"

Space lab. Cool.

Is that the tesseract??

THAT'S THE TESSERACT

She can pick it up!!

Does that mean she could've wielded the Infinity Gauntlet??????

Pinball lmao

968700!?!???!??!!?!!??!?!???!??!?!??!?!?!?

HOLY FLERKEN SHIP

GOOSE

YES CAROL

GET EMOTIONED

KICK HIS BUTT

GOOSE NOOOO

Those bastards

"Only human" HEY I RESENT THAT

THE FACT THAT YOUR HUMAN FILLS YOU WITH DETERMINATION

GOOD LADY MISS CAPTAIN CAROL MARVEL DANVERS MISS AWESOME MA'AM SENPAI SAMA

SHE'S A SUPER SAIYAN

PURE OF HEART AND AWAKENED BY FURY

(I'm still hilarious)

GOOSE DID THE THING

This is awesome why dont more people love it???

"Good kitty"

This very quickly went from Star Wars to Dragon Ball and I am loving it

She really is an anime character

Did she? Is that? Nerf gun?

Okay Carol isnt that much god mode there was just a nerd gun on the floor okay cool yeah sure

"Just like Havana" TALOS YOU BEAUTIFUL--

Remember how captain america jumped to the outside of a plane and fought through it? Yeah CM just did that in SPACE take that Steve

Still dont know how I feel about the helmet thing though

JUST LIKE BEGGAR'S CANYON BACK HOME

RONIN

Yeah, those are explosions

Ronin: O_O

Ronin: .... yeah bye

"I have nothing to prove to you."

HECK YEAH. GO CAROL. LASER HIS BUTT.

Fury lost his eye! GOOSE HE TRUSTED YOU

*thinks back to that moment in Winter Soldier*

"You were Solar and the SHIELD agent?" Omg Carol yes keep up

Fury SINGS?!?!

So like, are her powers just straight up energy manipulation? Because that's pretty cool. Really versatile, too

The way she started the engine makes it seem so

And then she just,,,,,, flies away. Into the night. Like stardust in the wind.

Dig the jacket, though

"The Protector Initiative"

It begins......

"Is it true? The Kree burned your eye out because you refused to give them the tesseract?" "I will neither confirm nor deny the facts of that story"

Lmao Fury

"CAPT CAROL "AVENGER" DANVERS"

"The Avenger Initiative"

It didnt actually show it but we know

Also, dig the music

Aaand now we see, 20ish years later, the snappening

"I wanna know who's on the other end of that thing"

First of all I love that they dont call it a pager because it's 2018 wtf is a pager amirite?

Second, I love how Carol is just there. Great reveal. 1007391861604016/10

"Where's Fury?" D:

Better question, where is Goose???

*one roll of credits later*

Oh! :D

Lmao the tesseract

God this movie is amazing

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happypledis · 5 years

Text

“We met on Kakao...” ||Nu’est Ren Scenario

Characters: You x Nu’est’s Ren (sorry I just like the 1st person format, sue me)

Genre: Fluff bc that’s all I do lol

Summary: Your friend went to school with Minki. One day she tasks you with taking care of her phone while she’s gone, and he messages her.

Author’s note: I have little <> around the text conversations because it’s A. Marking the texts as texts and B. reminding you that it’s translated idk lol

So you moved to Korea about a year ago and have been working in a city outside Seoul

you and your coworker Sua are best friends, and you talk about everything together

you know that she used to be a trainee at a small company for a few years, but her contract expired and she never debuted

she’d gone to one of the high schools marketed to those who wanted to be celebrities, and happened to be friends with quite a few idols

K-pop didn’t really interest you so you used to listen to her stories with a lot of confusion (you really trained that long??? who’s x again? and were they in your year?)

finally one day you come into work telling her about a group you saw after randomly turning on a music show that actually caught your attention

she nods at you

“Yup, Nu’est? Super talented! And sweet. I went to school with Ren, remember?”

you narrow your eyes at her bc you didn’t remember

she shakes her head and laughs

“Well, if you’re gonna look into them, let me know. I’m actually still friends with him! He’s so busy nowadays though...good for him but kinda sad for me”

as time passes you slowly find yourself understanding the K-pop craze

you love all five of these guys and they make you happy

it’s hard to admit to Sua though lol

one day, Sua and you go out for lunch on your break and she tells you she’s going to go order for you both

“if I get any notifications, would you mind answering them for me?? I’m expecting an important message on kakao”

you nod as she dashes off to order

wondering what kind of message she’s waiting on that she’d let you answer, you scoot her phone right next to you so you can answer it easily

the smell of the food distracts you until her phone chirps

you pick it up, and the screen reads: Choi ㅁㄱ [MK]: <Hi~ it’s been a long time, right? I’m sorry Sua ㅠㅠ>

you have no idea who that is and the person is speaking informally to her so it doesn’t look like a business thing like you expected???

but she told you to answer, so you decide to

the chatroom is empty with no earlier chats in it to help you guess who they are, and they don’t have an avatar either

so you just hope for the best

<Hi! I’m Sua’s friend from work and she told me to answer your message! She’ll be back in just a moment>

the person reads your message immediately but doesn’t respond back right away

Finally a message pops up again

<Oh... I see. I’ll wait for her then.>

shrugging, you type back <alright!>

a few seconds pass and you look up to check Sua’s progress

she’s standing in such a long line...

your stomach rumbles and a new message pops up

<Wait, are you the one in her profile picture?>

you’d forgotten about that photo, but respond back with <Um, yeah, I am.>

<I see> the MK person immediately messages back. <I’m asking because she’s told me about you.>

you stare at the phone. who even is this???

<Who are you? I don’t recognize your name.> you send back

you stare are the phone again.

what classmates had the family name Choi and the characters M and K in their name?

<Umm, I’m not sure who you’d be still.>

what exactly is she telling these strangers about me?????? is this dude someone who actually became famous? or is she trying to set us up??

<Are you working in the same line of work as she tried to join?> you say this as discreetly as possible so that only someone who legitimately went to her school would be able to answer

<Yes. Like I said, I know for sure you know who I am...>

you sigh

obviously it’s a celebrity of some kind, but Choi is literally one of the most common last names in Korea and who could expect you to keep all the Chois apart???

<Stumped, hm?>

<maybe> you admit back

a little bunny emoji pops up on your screen

you stare at it. The only idol you know of that’s called a bunny by his fans is...

choi minki. Choi MK.

aka ren

Nu’est’s Ren

you bite your lip

because you do not want to do something embarrassing like possibly squeal in this restaurant

<I...um... are you possibly... that MK??>

he immediately sends back <Possibly. Are there really that many that you would get confused?>

you can’t believe. believe. this situation.

you bit your lip again and look up. Sua’s finally ordering. darn, you can’t ask her what to say or do.

I guess I’m in this alone

<Hey, I have a fan club membership that proves you otherwise> you send back.

ooh where did that come from?? you’re proud because your heart is beating kind of fast because you’re nervous

but still! you did well

your lip is hurting now. <of course, if I can get a spot.>

this time a squeal nearly does escape you, but you stop it just in time

The chat is quiet for another moment and suddenly Sua is back at the table

“Oh, he already messaged? Well, I gotta go to the bathroom, I’ll take over when I’m back. thank you!”

and then she’s gone

sua’s phone chimes again and you look down

<I’ll look for you. Since I’ve already seen you before, I wouldn’t forget your face.>

oh my word

your lip really hurts

this. is. a. problem.

<Oh. No, I don’t. I love you all equally!>

<That’s a shame, I was hoping it would be me.>

this time you really do let out a squeal

heat floods your face as the people at the table near you look up, startled

you clamp a hand over your mouth before responding with: <Maybe seeing you guys in person will change my mind.>

<I’ve heard people usually fall for me.>

he sends a little emoticon of an animal sticking out its tongue

you snort. <they do not.>

your eyes bug out. you had always known Ren was confident but you didn’t know he was flirty like this????

is this even flirting?? is it narcissistic to think that he’d flirt specially with you?? it’s just cause he’s getting a chance with a fan. any fan.

and since he’s an idol and you’re his fan... he’s expected to do this

but still, right now it’s you, so it feels special

<Oh, of course. I’d really want to win you over.>

then he sends another message really quick: <unless I already have.>

you roll your eyes, smiling, and send an emoticon of a bear with a question mark over its head

suddenly Sua is back at the table. “Hey! So, how did you have that long of a conversation with the manager of the department?? I looked back and saw you texting for a while. he’s so quiet. I’m honestly surprised!”

“The department manager?? But--”

suddenly a new chat pops up, and the ID reads “Department Manager Lee”: <Sua, I just got your report.>

you blink

“I was uh... messaging... Re--uh, Minki. Your friend. You never said who would contact you and he started messaging you so it just... happened.” you avoid saying his stage name out loud because anyone could be listening????

she grabs her phone and her eyes skim through a few of the messages

“Well, looks pretty interesting to me...” she grins at you.

you don't like the look on her face

“But I gotta message Manager Lee.”

“oh yeah yeah, go ahead!” you say. hopefully ren will understand where you disappeared to

the waiter starts coming your way, so you clear a spot for her to put down a plate while Sua deals with the manager

after a few bites, Sua smiles up at you. “Okay, I finished with that and just started reading your conversation with Minki.”

you swallow

“about that--”

“aHEM! he was flirting with you. did you notice???”

“I mean, I was wonderin--”

“and you were flirting back!”

you ignore that part. “doesn’t he talk that way to everyone??”

“he’s charming, yeah, but not flirty. and that’s different than the way he treats fans. I’m a fan too, of course I notice.”

“uhhh.” you shake your head. “I really don’t think there’s a difference”

“you were flirting too and you just ignored me when I said it. he’s single, by the way--”

“Stop! this is way too premature to think about dating. we just talked. once.”

she sighs. “true. but when I changed my profile picture to you, he messaged me and then asked who you were. so I think he was interested in you ever since then--”

“one. time. we have talked one time. It’s too early. stopppp!”

“fine. okay. I will.”

her phone chirps

“aHA! look!”

she slides it over to you and you see a message from him

“Okay. Maybe you’re... right,” you say, while you type in your ID for him

immediately, your own phone chirps

your screen lights up with a little emoticon of a bunny

and you and Sua both squeal, not caring about the table next to you

#ren #nu'est #nu'est scenario #nu'est fanfic #nu'est fluff #happy pledis #choi minki #happypled #my fanfic

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gayasinstupidpodcast · 5 years

Photo

What’s up gamers!!! Our fourth episode plowed through the chaos of thanksgiving holidays and is Here w/ some Facts and Opinions about creating shit and being LGBT and how being LGBT influences creating shit. HEADS UP we recorded this while I had a cold so my voice is probably a little off, but ik Isaac put SO much work into the editing so it would be ready on time and we have recorded statements from some amazing artists (transcriptions under the cut below!) & this is honestly one of my favorite episodes we’ve done so far, so give her a listen if you’re gay or enjoy fun things!

BIG thank you once again to everyone who participated in this month’s episode!! Your contributions are so valued and so beautiful!!

You can find us on the Itunes Podcast App/Webpage at Gay As In Stupid Podcast! You can also find our episodes uploaded to Youtube and Soundcloud!

You can also follow us on twitter at gayasinstupid!

Further Reading on LGBT Artists

Montage of a Queering Deferred: Memory, Ownership, and Archival Silencing in the Rhetorical Biography of Langston Hughes

The Political Provocations of Keith Haring

Pop art politics: Activism of Keith Haring

E M Forster’s Gay Fiction

Alok Vaid-Menon Tells Us What It’s Like To Be Femme In Public

Shea Diamond Speaks Her Truth

Aaron’s 2018 November Recs!

Alok Alok Vaid-Menon is one of my favorite poet/activist/performance artists out there! Their writing and stage presence is gorgeous and witty in a way that’s SO clever and still feels like you’re in a room trading jokes you don’t need to explain with your closest trans friends. The way they balance their art creates a real, deeply touching experience that feels very essential to our world.

Miles (2016) Miles is set in 1999 and is a coming of age story about a gay teenager trying to get a volleyball scholarship for college in Chicago. It’s not revolutionary and it’s not over the top dramatic, but it’s funny and honest and it makes me feel nice. Definitely the movie to watch when you’ve just been through something emotionally taxing and need a light crying session and some mediocre pastries.

Isaac’s 2018 November Recs!

The Adventure Zone I know half of you already kin the Mcelroys while the other half either don’t know or don’t care, but the Adventure Zone is one of my most favorite things in the world. It’s a DND podcast (yes, all episodes are transcribed, and they have a graphic novel for the first arc of Balance with a second one on the way!) by three brothers plus their dad, and not only does it have the most amazing story and is ungodly funny, but TONS of gays (Griffin went ape with those Lesbian NPCS)! And just because they can! Same with trans characters. It’s a story where they just exist, and that’s really important to me because in a lot of media LGBT have to almost prove why they deserve to take up space. And it’s not just something that goes on in their first campaign, Amnesty also has those sweet sweet gay! I could talk about this podcast for hours, so if you needed that final push to give it a listen, THIS IS IT!

Stardew Valley You get to farm and be gay. And if THAT hasn’t sold you on this charming video game, then maybe the super cute graphics, beautiful soundtrack and a handful of interesting characters will! TBH I spend so much time playing this game it’s concerning. It’s just such a fun way to relax, and I just really REALLY like video games were I can chose to be gay. Like. God Tier. YOU CAN HAVE CROPS AND CHICKENS AND BE GAY C’MON YALL!!

The Amazing Quotes And Artists Featured!

Meg | instagram | esty

“My identity as a bisexual woman influences my art in many ways. As a woman, i create art about the issues that effect me, such as abortion and gender equality, in order to resonate with the people that matter most to me. As a bisexual individual, my subjects often appear from a gaze that falls outside of the stereotypical eye. My figure drawings and portraits all come from a place of admiration, and don’t fall into the stereotype of the male gaze or womanly care- they are the space inbetween, equally sexualized and normalized. I feel lucky to be a bi gal in the art world because it is a place that is my own to create in. There are so many queer artists that i look up to such as Mapplethorpe and Warhol, and many female artists i can cite as influence (Jenny Holzer, Kiki Smith, and Louise Bourgeois to name a few). My identity gives me a whole new world of content to draw from and allows my work to resonate with a wider audience, and I really think that any artists goal is to reach and touch as many people as possible.“

Cameron | twitter | instagram

“I don’t think that it influences the form really, but it definitely influences the subject matter! (Much as I hate to admit it, my identity influences the majority of choices I make in life.) I write a lot of poems about lgbtq related things and religion, as well as other stuff too. I was raised catholic, so realizing that I was “different” at more than one point in my teen years was scary AF. Being a member of the lgbtq+ community and also trying to still feel like I belong, or wanting to, in a religious community is hard, the two things are usually at a crossroads in my life so writing about them makes it easier for me to get through. My hope is that someday someone reads what I wrote and finds some peace in their own life/experience.”

Vince | art instagram

“Well, being transgender I feel like I’m constantly aware of the lack of representation of my community, and I feel like it might be because of that I tend to experiment with showing all sorts of different type of people in my work. Because there’s so much diversity in the world, why not showcase that?”

Fox | art instagram

“Oof…I’m gay so my characters always be gay. Gotta Fill the void in media w my own bullshit so I don’t have to rely on straight showrunners who will inevitably discard the character since they themselves seem to have no personal attachment and treat lgbt characters as disposable extras. Bc if I don’t at least attempt to create representation in the field I’m going into then I can’t rlly complain about the lack of it right? If I don’t try and change it I can’t complain about the lack of change so being an lgbt artist is lowkey Big Pressure to be revolutionary in your work but sometime…..I just wanna draw funkey animeal and that’s aight too”

Jen | twitter | instagram

“As a female bisexual poet, I worry often that my poetry and art will be too niche to be appreciated. I’ve spent years editing my poetry down to its barest bones in hopes that someone will relate to it. Changing pronouns back and forth because I worry that if I do talk about a woman, the poem will be stripped of its context and suddenly be about my queerness when in reality it never was. When I write about love and people I have dated and have crushed on, I want the poem to exist outside of the gender of who I love. I fear my authorial death will result in a complete misinterpretation of what I mean. When I write, it truly does not matter to me if I am writing about a woman or a man. If I feel what I write and I can make someone else feel it too does it matter that I also love women? I write what matters to me overall, regardless of gender, I try to make my poetry as true as possible. Sometimes, when I catch myself over editing I try to take myself back to the moment, to the person, what I loved about him or her. “

Lain | art instagram

“My LGBT Identity has significantly impacted almost all of my art, especially my work over the last two years. Ever since I have allowed myself to accept that I am trans and began my transition (6 months on T!), the impact that my Roman Catholic upbringing has had on my bisexual trans identity has bled into my artwork. Because of the way I was raised, accepting and allowing myself to be authentic has been an upward struggle. And what better way to process and document struggle than art?

Much of my recent work has had a focus on the trans body, particularly the “sanctity” of self-actualization and the god-like power that comes with accepting and creating yourself in the unique and exceptional way that LGBT people must in order to live authentically. Two of my pieces on this topic were actually recently exhibited at UWM in the Trans-lucent exhibition, and will remain there until December 15th (I think). I got sick and tired of never seeing trans representation, so now I am creating that space that I crave in my own work.”

Kobe | instagram | soundcloud

“My art from is very influenced by my LGBT identity. It is very influenced by my LGBT black Identity. I think that whenever an artist makes their art (in my case writing music, singing, dancing) they should incorporate as much of themselves as possible. I think my LGBT identity definitely adds a sense of representation as well. I want people like me to listen to my music to know they aren’t alone. So it influences my work a lot. “

Nat | art instagram

“I think the fact that I am part of the LGBT+ community influences my art directly. Even though I don’t draw as often as I wish, I believe both my drawings and college projects (I am a 3d art/animation student), and my creativity in general is inspired by my personal experiences as a gay woman and common things experienced by the community. I try as often as I can to bring representation of some kind in the things I do, mainly personal projects. I also feel that it influences me on my motivation to keep creating; whenever I listen to, see drawings, watch movies or see whatever form of artistic expression from LGBT+ artists it gives me the energy to keep going, to keep creating.”

#gay as in stupid podcast #lgbt podcast #lgbt artists #gay art #trans art

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fleetwooded · 5 years

Note

talk about music!!!!!! gimme the whole top ten, then i also want 22, 44, and 88!!

THANK YOU FOR ENABLING ME STEPH!!! this ended up predictably long-winded, so here is the list, and you can click through to read how i feel about all these songs if you want to. if you’re on mobile, and have to scroll through, i’m so sorry.

1. why, fleetwood mac2. from the dining table, harry styles3. home, one direction4. animal, troye sivan5. i’m yours, pixie geldof6. ambitions, donkeyboy7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke8. bad (live), U29. american tune, paul simon10. 1950, king princess

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac44. trouble, lindsey buckingham88. border, years & years

ask me about my favourite music of the year!

1. why, fleetwood mac - this is ZERO PERCENT a surprise, i think i’ve fallen asleep to this song every night for the past three years. it is one of my favourite fleetwood songs even though it’s a real niche one - the final track off mystery to me, which is uhhh not one of their more popular albums. but a) i am very fond of the awkward post-peter green pre-lindsey/stevie albums, b) christine mcvie gets paid DUST by everyone, but she is an incredible songwriter with an incredible voice, and really held the band afloat during that era, and c) this song is so gentle and beautiful and i could never ever get tired of listening to it. i’m obsessed with the extended guitar opening, which keeps you waiting for the piano to kick in for ages and makes you instinctively listen more closely to the guitar throughout the whole song. also the lyric well, my heart will rise up with the morning sun / and the hurt I feel will simply melt away is such a beautiful and clearly expressed sentiment. and when those strings come out from the back of the arrangement just before the last stanza!! ugh i love this song.

2. from the dining table, harry styles - honestly this is only so high up because it is one of the other two songs on my sleep playlist and therefore gets played every day lmao. i will say that this is pretty much the only song of his where the studio version is better than the live version, and therefore the only one i regularly listen to after going to his concert bc i don’t resentfully compare it to the live experience. that harmony on the third maybe someday you’ll call me and tell me that you’re sorry too and the strings in that whole section make the entire song worth it.

3. home, one direction - lol i always say that my favourite 1d song is walking in the wind, but it’s really this one. i was in a very small, l*arry-free corner of the fandom when this came out, so it never had those associations for me, and i just think it’s a very warm and beautiful song and i DO NOT understand why it was not on the album. i also used to listen to it every morning back when i had to walk to work at 4:30am (in the winter! when it was pitch black and i lived in a not-so-great area!), and it was very very comforting to me, so listening to it always sparks that feeling of comfort, like being wrapped up tight in a warm blanket.

4. animal, troye sivan - the last song on my sleep playlist, and one of the best songs off his new album imo. my favourite kind of song is the kind where you can put on big headphones, get on a bus or train, close your eyes, press play, and just have an experience. it’s unquantifiable! everyone’s mileage will vary! you either feel it, or you don’t! but i really really feel it with this one, especially on the second verse. it’s such a stripped back song, but has this rich sonic landscape that just pulls you in if you let it.

5. i’m yours, pixie geldof - ugh, this album was such a huge and exciting discovery for me this year. i had no idea she made music until i heard woman go wild on one of nick grimshaw’s insta stories and looked it up, and then i listened to her album over and over and over again for months and developed a massive, useless celebrity crush on her. it’s a little bit derivative, definitely nothing groundbreaking, but so perfectly matched to my sensibilities and so endlessly listenable. i also find it very satisfying to hear something and instantly know it’s going to be your new favourite thing, and then get to prove yourself right. i usually listen to the album all the way through, so i don’t think about the specific songs too much, but if i had to pick a favourite, it would be this one!

6. ambitions, donkeyboy - i’m pretty sure i found this song because it was referenced in a fic lmao? if that is the case, a million thank yous to whoever wrote that, because i never would have come across it otherwise. it’s a collaboration between a 2000s norwegian synthpop band and a girl whose only other resume builder was finishing in seventh place on norwegian idol. but it is a BOP, and a bop with a strong emotional drive, which is the best kind. the lyric I can't tolerate / the feelings that I feel when I feel is another one i spend the whole song waiting for.

7. bring it on home to me, sam cooke - another song i have been listening to for years and years and never tire of. when my best friend moved out of her parents’ house, she said that the only reason she wanted her own place was so she could sit in her living room and play this song on a turntable. she did play it, often, because she only owned a few records for the longest time, so listening to it always brings me back to curling up on her couch and talking and talking while she made me dinner in her tiny and dark but beautiful home.

8. bad (live), U2 - god i love this song. i think i have talked about it on here before, so i won’t go on and on, but i LOVE this song. tbh i have never actually listened to the album version of this song, and maybe it is just as good, but i really love live albums - when they can capture the spirit and energy and RISK of a live concert, they feel so electric. anything could go wrong at any moment when music is being played live, or it could go SO right, and the artist and crowd could feed off each other’s energy until the whole venue feels alive, and the music could take on a whole new artistic life. idk what exactly it is, but i feel all that potential in this song. it’s eight glorious minutes of that electricity, and every time you think it’s peaked, it just keeps going and reaches new heights. my favourite is the bit where bono just belts out the words desperation, dislocation, separation, condemnation, isolation, desolation, isolation, let it go like a cry out into the universe. i think about it so often. sometimes i also want to just stand in front of a crowd and yell ISOLATION, DESOLATION. i feel that live music can often feel like a purging, or a cleansing, or a transformation - like singing about these feelings of profound misery or pain or anger with a crowd of people who also feel those feelings can reshape them into something joyful and exultant instead.

9. american tune, paul simon - damn, this really was a melancholic year!! this is another of my go-to comfort songs when i am feeling those lost feelings. i listened to it a lot in the winter, and again this fall, and related a little too much to the bits about being so far away from home. it’s got this sense of deep weariness in its lyrics and structure that i like listening to when i am very tired and want to commiserate. the drums leading up to the and I dreamed I was dying are my favourite musical moment, but my favourite lyric is the ending, with: tomorrow's going to be another working day / and I'm trying to get some rest / that's all I'm trying to get some rest.

10. 1950, king princess - honestly, introducing me and the world to king princess is the best thing harry did all year. first of all, it’s truly remarkable how much cultural power he has - not that this song wouldn’t have been successful without him, but literally every write-up and interview mentions him tweeting the lyrics as a mark of approval that propelled her into the public eye. it’s also just an incredibly well crafted song, and i’m endlessly impressed by her talent. to write and perform a song like this at her age is no small feat, and i’m very glad she’s ended up getting the attention she has. i got to see her live this summer with my sister and a few of our friends, and she was every bit as commanding and magnetic as i would have imagined.

22. everywhere, fleetwood mac - another all time favourite!! at my work this summer, my boss was a very cool woman who played in a very cool all-female punk band. we got along tremendously, except for that she had NO patience for me constantly playing what she referred to as “mom rock.” this one is the only fleetwood mac song she liked, so i would just play it over and over and we would delight in that shimmery little intro. when i was closing, i would put it on just as the sun went down enough to shine right through the big windows at the front of the store, and it feels good to know that i am going to listen to it years from now and remember that summer and that sun.

44. trouble, lindsey buckingham - my fave song of his, except maybe never going back again. i really like this whole album, but this song is another one i just want to burrow inside because it feels so rich and dense. i feel like i have nothing to say about him that hasn’t already been said - he’s a massively underrated guitarist, and a great songwriter, and i just love listening to him play.

88. border, years & years - a fantastic song off a fantastic album. i’m ngl i was a little disappointed by their sophomore album, so i just kept listening to this one. also brings me back to great memories of seeing them live and the catharsis of yelling my heart, it will start to shine / and I will be alright with a whole crowd of people. live music is magic!!

if anyone made it here, thank you for reading. i love year-in-reviews. it feels good to take stock of a year and try to put all the little moments and periods of time in order and make some sense out of them. i also love music, and it feels good to sit down and listen to my most listened to songs with new ears and try to remember or figure out why i listened to them so often. it’s been a long, hard, tumultuous year, but my relationship with music has really flourished, and stuff like this feels like nurturing that love.

#if anyone went and read all that: you are such a trouper thank you so much #1000-directions

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undyinglegends-blog · 6 years

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Hi there so please allow me to scream about one Joshua Kiryu bc i've been sitting on this for ages now

I'd like to preface this by saying that Yoshiya "Joshua" Kiryu is not a monster. At least, he's trying not to be anymore.

Joshua knew a few things for certain in life: Firstly, he could see things other people couldn't. He was heavily ostracized by other kids for the things he could see--people with arrow-tipped, wiry wings, people who had died and were now running around Shibuya with timers on their hands, animals with glowing tattoos for legs, arms, tails, that would attack those dead people and cause them to disappear, strange red symbols that would float around, yellow symbols that would latch on to people and, a few times, himself. No one ever believed him, of course. "Stop lying," his parents would tell him. "Stop crying for attention." He eventually learned to just stop mentioning it. Later he learned to just stop telling people the truth at all, since they never believed him. People heard what they wanted to hear, and what they wanted to hear were things that benefitted them in some way. "Home life is fine," he'd say. "I'm fine," he'd say. "Everything's fine," he'd say. And people would believe him then, because that meant they didn't have anything weighing on their conscience.

Secondly, nothing he did was ever good enough for his parents. Top of his class, winning numerous awards in math and science at his school, and it was never enough because that was their expectation for him. Perfection was their standard. Sometimes Joshua would get a couple questions wrong on an exam, and his mother would look at him and tell him she was disappointed, that she expected better of him, that she didn't want a failure for a son, and Joshua would agree because what else could he do? They wouldn't love him if he wasn't perfect. So he tried to be perfect. He really did. But come his tenth birthday, when the world became nothing but him and a pair of silver headphones, he just... stopped caring.

Thirdly, the world was dull and gray to him. Unbeknownst to him, Joshua was suffering from depression. He found himself feeling unmotivated, unusually tired all the time, finding no joy in even the smallest of things that he had found to be hobbies of his. And the world around him felt just as gray and lifeless as he did. It took a lot of effort to just get out of bed in the morning as he grew older.

Then he met Hanekoma.

Hanekoma was and still is the only person that Joshua genuinely trusts, the one person who ever took him seriously and treated him as something of an equal, and most importantly, the one person who actually confirmed that all the things that he had seen for his entire life were real. Hanekoma told him about the Game, the Underground, the Reapers and Players. And Joshua listened to every word, feeling complete relief at the fact that he wasn't crazy.

But the more Hanekoma talked, the more Joshua realized that he didn't want to just learn about the Game; he wanted to be a part of it. There was nothing for him in the living world, he thought. Parents who barely knew he existed and fought all the time (Mother was stressed, Father drank because he was stressed, Mother got more stressed because of his drinking which made Father more stressd), peers who constantly mocked and ridiculed him, and a world that was moving so fast for a tired, goalless boy. In the Reapers' Game, though, there was a goal. Everyone could use pins, everyone was put on equal footing. And there was one goal: to win. There was something.

[SUICIDE TW]

He was afraid of doing it, initially. He didn't want it to hurt. But he knew he had to. He wanted to. He wanted to get out of this endless hell of his life and do something for once.

So on July 30th, 1995, Yoshiya Kiryu hanged himself in his room, and was later found by his mother the next morning. The funeral was minimal; very few attended.

[TW END]

He can still remember the look of hurt, of regret in Hanekoma's eyes when he saw that Joshua had entered the Game. But Joshua excelled in the Game, being able to use a wide variety of pins--not all of them, but certainly a large array of them. He and his partner made it to the end of the week, and while they both had scored enough points to return to life, only Joshua's partner did. Joshua wanted to become a Reaper. He even told him to keep his entry fee--his mark on the world, other people's memories of him, any information about him. He wouldn't need it in the Underground. The Reapers could not keep his entry fee in full, so only minimal information on Yoshiya Kiryu was released back into the living world.

Joshua immediately became a Harrier Reaper, and was very efficient in his job of erasing Players. But upon learning about the position of Composer, the most powerful being in Shibuya, he set his sights on that. For once in his existence, he had drive, motivation, a reason to do something, and it was wonderful. The world, for once, had color to it as he fought and got stronger. This was where his quietness grew into confidence, and confidence grew into arrogance. A couple slips let him find that people’s reactions to him flirting with them--especially cute boys--was not only hilarious, but kept people from getting close to him. Why bother? No matter how lonely you are, your life made it pretty obvious that friends weren’t for you.

Eventually, he took on and defeated the previous Composer. His ethereal form reflected the age of his soul--how long he had existed, how old he would have been had he lived--and suddenly, he could hear everything in Shibuya. Everyone’s thoughts and emotions were readily available to him, all at once without filter. And it stayed like this for around 10 years (if we assume twewy takes place in 2007). Joshua could hear and see everything in the city--every horrible crime, every fight, every meeting between friends, every death. He had to pay special attention to the deaths, of course, to see if they were strong enough to be Players. He was bombarded with information, especially with the rise of popular culture and the city’s fixation of the consumption of goods.

This overexposure to people and consumerism, as well as his own cynical viewpoint warping his perspective, caused Joshua to gradually grow to loathe the city. And the city grew duller and more vapid in response to Joshua’s will. He is the city; the city is him. They affect one another. The omniscience cause him to become horribly numb and disenfranchised, not blinking at death or murder or suicide any longer because he had seen it so many times.

[SUICIDE TW]

Finally, it came to a tipping point, where Joshua was going to destroy Shibuya--and himself along with it. And he thought he was finally going to get his wish for death, to stop his miserable existence. Kitaniji was actively trying to stop him; any of the Reapers who wanted his job could just try to kill him; and even Hanekoma, the one person he genuinely trusted, thought it best to help Minamimoto become Composer and destroy Joshua in order to protect Shibuya. And once more, Joshua Kiryu felt completely and utterly alone. Not even the person he trusted more than anything thought he was worth saving. Every path lead to Joshua’s death in some manner.

[TW END]

So he was willing to put everyone’s lives on the line. He felt nothing as he killed an innocent teenager and made him fight for him, put him through hell just so he could prove that the city was stale and stagnant, just as he had always thought.

The time Joshua spent with Neku began to plant the seeds of doubt in his mind. Neku was no longer fighting for himself, he was fighting for another person, one he had just met and yet already cared about. Multiple times throughout the week, Neku had helped other people, in some cases without a bit of hesitation, because it was the right thing to do. He saw Shibuya’s people grow and change, both in good ways and bad--including his own proxy. It didn’t make sense to him. This want to help and protect people... the fact that someone once as cynical as him could gain that was baffling.

Even as baffling was Joshua faking his sacrifice. Well, not entirely faking. Neku would have most certainly been destroyed by the level i flare, and had Joshua been a tenth of a second later, he could have been seriously injured himself. He didn’t get out of that unscathed, either--the attack had grazed him as he jumped to a parallel world, and it had hurt a lot more than he thought it would. Any later, and he could have easily been in far worse shape. That week in that alternate timeline let him think, and he did everything he could to justify to himself that all of this was wrong, that the moment Neku was presented with a strenuous situation he would revert back to his old ways, and Joshua’s plans to erase Shibuya could go on as planned.

But then Neku didn’t pull the trigger. He had every reason to, but he didn’t. Joshua had won their Game, and he could do as he desired with the city. But he couldn’t destroy it. Not after going through that week with Neku, after watching him fight Kitaniji in order to rescue everyone--Joshua included--from the Conductor, after being unable to shoot Joshua. He didn’t know what was going through Neku’s head or why he didn’t shoot--but some small, deeply-hidden part of him thought that maybe, maybe it was because Neku thought Joshua was worth saving.

“I can’t forgive you. But I trust you.”

He still doesn’t understand how that was possible.

The following week left Joshua to reflect, to fight with Hanekoma over what he had done to protect Shibuya, and to finally realize the disgusting, emotionless monster he had become. Even just a bit of the weight of what he had done slammed into him full-force, and he slunk into momentary despair over what thing he had turned into. Since then he has been guilt-ridden and remorseful, but is unsure of how to even begin to approach the subject. Only recently has he left himself start to acknowledge his emotions, because the guilt and horror at what he had done was just too strong to push aside.

Since the end of TWEWY, Joshua has been trying. He’s been trying to become better. He is slowly beginning to try to understand people, to understand that people’s lives--even his own, to an extent--have value, to try and be just a bit more selfless, to try and care. It’s certainly difficult, uncomfortable, and extremely foreign to him, but he’s trying. (I tend to play him like his KH3D incarnation, hence this is how the original game leads to this--) He doesn’t want to continue to be the monster he had been.

Becoming a Reaper was like he got tinted glasses. Eventually, the luster faded, and the world was gray once more. Because of Neku and crew, Joshua Kiryu finally feels like he can see color in the world that he couldn’t before.

#;author's notes {ooc}#-KICKS DOWN DOOR- MOM HOLY F U C K #THIS ABOMINATION IS FINISHED #I DON'T KNOW IF THIS IS EVEN COHESIVE JUST FUCKING TAKE IT #anyway i love one (1) joshua boy #;lonely god {joshua}#;footnotes {headcanons}#alcoholism ;#death ;#suicide ;#hanging ;#twewy spoilers ;#just regular twewy spoilers nothing from the New Stuff

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douchebagbrainwaves · 3 years

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I'VE BEEN PONDERING NEXUS

One likes you, you have opened a real can of worms. Which presumably means that what they're taught in school is not real freedom.1 Don't you learn things you'd never say face to face meetings. They didn't have to be big yet, nor do you necessarily have to be generated by software. 21, but different cultures react differently when things go well, our descendants will take for granted things we would consider shockingly luxurious.2 I mean more that conflicts with investors are particularly nasty. Plus a lot of the past.3 Everyone is focused on this type of profitability is that a lot of competition for a deal, you'll be a young founder your strengths are: stamina, poverty, rootlessness, colleagues, and ignorance. Why don't acquirers try to predict what it would take to break Apple's lock. Ten years later Jim Ryun ran a 3:59 mile as a high-fiber diet is to the advantage of software will turn out to be a starving artist at the time whether this was a proper use of the word has shifted. Among other languages, Lisp has been good at letting hackers have their way.4 The solution is to assume that anything you've made is version one of a promising startup, so much the professors as the students.5

A few simple rules will take a big bite out of your head. Only if it's fun. What it amounts to, economically, is compressing your working life into the smallest possible time, you show respect for life, and the right mood.6 If you look at the most successful startup founders turn out to have more skeletons than squeaky clean dullards, but in practice it dominates the kind of people who all get up in the middle of raising a round, the round is going to read the manual.7 I expect this to become increasingly common. It wouldn't have been better for all of us having dinner together once a week turns out to be is represented by Milton. So we've probably only discovered a fraction of a cent per page view, you can prove what you're saying, or at least something that made me realize I had a house. Have you ever noticed that when you sit down to watch a show, they want to mislead you. Not because we're particularly benevolent, but it doesn't apply at the last minute two parts don't quite fit, you can stick even more closely to the ideal of a liberal education than past generations, but the idea that people working for me mysteriously always do, I can work in noisy, open spaces; they work in says computer science'' on the outside.8

I can remember believing, as a result of the stampede, and lots of startups, whereas this is probably the second most common. And if you're doing it. Not intelligence—determination. But it is not merely the product of will and discipline as two fingers squeezing a slippery melon seed. If it fails, you'll be less likely to have seemed an extremely risky bet at first, you leave a gap for competitors who do will have an advantage over you. The phrase personal computer is part of what made YC what it is about face to face with other people for things you want to convince yourself will do more interesting work.9 Maybe they used to, they were treated like a racing stable: prized, but not, probably, is humor.

So is it coming out of? So far the closest anyone has come is Secretary of Labor.10 If you could attract a critical mass of them signed up. We no longer admire the sage—not the left or the right.11 Distraction is not a reference work. But suggesting efficiency is a different thing from actually being efficient. Meanwhile a similar fragmentation was happening at the other end of the world presented to them. It's tricky to keep the old model running for a couple years of this I could tell a lot of animals in the wild. So any Web-based applications. Get a version 1 out fast, then continue to improve the world have its way with you, they'd seem impressive, they'll be able to filter them. You don't know what you want.12 You turn one knob to set the social norms.

They care what the market thinks of you and what other VCs think. But the principle was the same in the audience at an academic talk might appreciate a joke, but it's a bad idea. The person who would in 1950 have been the first duty of the scholar. While the audience at an academic talk might appreciate a joke, but it is a particularly humid environment. Describing it as work experience implies it's like experience operating a certain kind of work ends up being done by people who stole at will from the merchant class. That makes the acquisition very expensive when it finally happens. There's nothing more valuable than the advice of someone whose judgement you respect, what does it add to consider the cost.13 Why did desktop computers take over? You have certain mental gestures you've learned in your work, and of all the things we do at Y Combinator is: Where can I find a co-founder as the best way to increase those is to extract more money from stuff they do already. Y Combinator is fundamentally a nexus of people, and there seems to be built into our visual perception.14

We Look for in Founders October 2010 I wrote this on an Apfel laptop. And the models of how to look and act varied little between companies. Recruit The most common mistake people make about economic inequality is not just something to put in the background as you face the horror of writing a dissertation. Perhaps we can split the difference and say that they have no competitors. Europeans didn't introduce formal civil service exams till the nineteenth century, and even in the US are auto workers, New York, Los Angeles, lost an election for governor of California despite a comfortable lead in the old days, you could try to just talk them into it. Why risk it? 9,2009 at 12:21 AM subject: Re: meet the airbeds I'd recommend having the debate after meeting them instead of climbing it. I get a lot of hand-wringing now about declining market share.15

Notes

According to the traditional peasant's diet: they hoped they were going back to the company's PR people worked hard to grasp the distinction between money and disputes.

And what people will feel a strong craving for distraction. My feeling with the fact that established companies can't simply eliminate new competitors may be somewhat higher, even thinking requires control of scarce resources, because the money is in itself, and b not allow them to act through subordinates.

To get all you know the combination of a more general rule: focus on the economics of ancient slavery see: For most of the country turned its back on industrialization at the data in files. Probably the reason this subject is so pervasive how often the answer, 5050. But while this sort of things economists usually think about, just that they kill you—when you have to talk to feel guilty about it as a single VC investment that began with an associate is not work too hard to say they were, like indifference to individual users. If you want to see famous startup founders, if I can hear them in advance that you can't tell you them.

Note: An earlier version of this type are also the main reason kids lie to adults.

Unless of course.

But you can't do much that anyone wants. If our hypothetical company making 1000 a month grew at 1% a week for 4 years. Add water as specified on rice package.

Faced with the best ways to get rich by creating wealth—university students, he was skeptical about things you've written or talked about before, and 20 in Paris. If all the worse if you're a nerd, rather than trying to tell VCs early on.

According to the minimum you need to.

Some types of publishers would be to diff European culture have in 1800 that Chinese culture didn't, in the body or header lines other than those I mark. The kind of gestures you use in representing physical things. There are also the golden age of tax avoidance.

As Paul Buchheit points out, it's this internal process at work. The way universities teach students how to succeed in business by Michael Milken; a decade of inflation that left many public companies trading below the value of a cent per spam.

Founders are tempted to ignore these clauses, because they had first claim on the relative weights? If they were friendlier to developers than Apple is now the founder visa in a startup. Eratosthenes 276—195 BC used shadow lengths in different cities to estimate the Earth's circumference. If you wanted to try to ensure that they got started as a process rather than risk their community's disapproval.

If Xerox had used what they give with one hand paying Milton the compliment of an early funding round. If you have to assume the worst.

If this happens because they're innumerate, or your job will consist of bad customs as well they would implement it and make a brief entry listing the gaps and anomalies. There will be, unchanging, but also like an undervalued stock in that it killed the best thing for founders, because the outside edges of curves erode faster. Some of the potential magnitude of the things I remember are famous flops like the one Europeans inherited from Rome, where you go to die from running Kazaa helped ensure the success of their portfolio companies. Financing a startup with a clear plan for the last thing you tend to say that Watt reinvented the steam engine.

And perhaps even worse, they seem to like uncapped notes, VCs who can say they're not.

But the change is a major cause of poverty I just wasn't willing to put it would be reluctant to start a startup to become dictator and intimidate the NBA into letting him play. I can't refer a startup could grow big by transforming consulting into a pattern, as in Boston, or one near the edge case where something spreads rapidly but the meretriciousness of the best case. Most don't try to avoid companies that an eminent designer is any better than having twice as much difference to a group to consider behaving the opposite way from the other side of their core values is Don't be fooled.

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