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btsydtrash · 2 years

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Euphoria [8]

bad boy jungkook x librarian yn

Jungkook was used to getting what he wanted. He was handsome, disgustingly so, and he knew how to flirt his way in (and out of) danger. He lived for and with his brothers. He didn’t know anything but his found family. Still, happening upon you was one of the best decisions he ever made.

Now… How to make you realize that your life was missing him as much as his had been missing you.

(angst / yandere / smut / gore / fluff)

Masterlist / i don’t have a tag list / find me on twitter / word count: 4.0k

author’s note: yn’s not going down without a fight tho, is she?

Chapter 8 ‘Mission’

When you wake up, you are stunned to realize that you had actually been able to fall asleep under the circumstances. Usually, you would have been too uncomfortable to truly relax, but here you were, slobbering all over their expensive-looking couch.

It wasn’t dark outside by any means but it was significantly later than you had expected it to be.

The sun was high in the sky hidden behind the film of heavy clouds, so you presume it to be around early afternoon. The world below you was alive and bustling, despite the gray and drab weather and, humorlessly, you realize that it seems to match your mood perfectly.

Your skin feels heavy from where it had been pressed heavily into the soft sofa and as you lift your head fully, you can sense that you aren’t alone. Pressing into the grooves of your skin, you slowly turn your head toward the source of the soft sound of turning pages.

It wasn’t Jungkook, thankfully.

Jimin glances over the head of his comic book and says, “Don’t mind me.”

Unconsciously, tension leaves your body.

Jimin, objectively, wasn’t any better than Jungkook to have around - both of them being your captors - but something about waking up to see Jungkook’s metaphorical wagging tail and puppy dog eyes would have set you off something fierce.

Your nerves are shot, trembling lightly where they fist the material pooling at your stomach, and you glare at the other man, annoyed by the nerve of his sunshine-like expression.

“I wasn’t going to,” you grumble, voice croaky and thick with sleep. You clear your throat and sit up, feeling the urge to relieve yourself. Begrudgingly, you ask, “Where’s the bathroom?”

Jimin looks up and asks, voice filled with sarcasm, “You aren’t going to try and climb out the window, right?”

You glare at him but he simply shrugs. Jimin explains, “I got put on YN-watch tonight, so I have to make sure you aren’t left alone. At all. Jungkook would kill me.”

You say, barely able to hide your pout, “This is insane, you know that right?”

Jimin nods in agreement. He explains, easily, “Sure. It’s also incredibly illegal. But that’s never stopped us before.”

You scoff, lip curling in annoyance, “Right. I shouldn’t expect decency from people like you.”

He laughs, loud and sudden, like the sound was shocked out of him. “Decency? Says the person who held a gun on me and threatened to cut my eyes out.”

“I wasn’t actually gonna do it,” you retort, dismissively. Jimin pins you with a look and you huff, “Okay. But, I didn’t do it. That’s the important part. Plus, you had assaulted me first. I was just protecting myself.”

Jimin gives you a dry look, not even the slight bit amused by your excuses. The pink-haired man gracefully moves to his feet, tossing the comic back onto the table with a couple others from the same series, and he says, shoving his hands into his pockets, “Come on. I made lunch. You can shower, get changed then eat.”

He leads you out of the library and through the ornately-decorated apartment, too quickly for you to be able to take note of much besides the fancy decor and messy living room. Jimin walks to a room and pushes open the door. The first thing you notice is an expensive-looking drum-set in the corner of the room, a pair of overhead earphones sat on the stool and a worn pair of drumsticks are on the computer desk.

Three of the four walls are dark, charcoal black wallpaper with a slightly raised design that you wanted to trail your fingers across. One main wall is ivory white, with a huge bed pushed into the corner, low with many soft white pillows piled at the head of the bed. The room is smaller than you expected but it seems designed that way, as if comfort and coziness was the aim instead of grand expressions of luxury.

You say, eyes sweeping around the area, “This is Jungkook’s room, isn’t it?”

You miss the bemused expressions that passes over Jimin’s face. He hums. “Yeah, it is.”

The floor is coated in dark gray carpet, soft but it feels reinforced under your feet. You suspect there’s a couple of layers of carpet to insulate the room. Two paintings are reclined against the white wall, and they don’t seem to be designer, but they could be hung in an art gallery somewhere. They fit the soft dark aesthetic of the room and you want to take a closer look but Jimin pushes open a door you hadn’t seen when you first entered.

“Jungkook won’t mind if you use anything of his,” he comments. He opens up a drawer and hands you a towel. It’s soft and it smells good, even when you hold it at a distance. One thing you have noticed about being in Jungkook’s space was that the freak was tidy - anally so. Contrary to the rest of the apartment that had dots of mess, clothes draped over furniture and dishes in the sink, showing it to be lived in, his personal space was pristine. You almost didn’t want to touch anything, in case you knocked it out of its perfect harmony with the rest of the room. “Wear something of his, a sweater or something.”

“I don’t want to,” you grumble. “Give me something of yours.”

He snorts. “You see this?” He points to his black eye. “I got this for just mentioning you. I refuse to lose a tooth because he sees you in something of mine instead of his.” Jimin lets out a small chuckle at the gentle shock on your face. “It’s that or you walk around naked.”

“I’m tempted to take you up on that but I’d rather die than give you the satisfaction of seeing my perfect tits in real time,” you snark. You roll your eyes but bring the towel closer to your chest. “Go.”

Jimin smirks but disappears out the way you both came.

With the sound of the door closing behind him, you feel the strong wall you had built up inside of you collapse for a moment before your frown deepens. You slump against the doorframe leading to the bathroom and close your eyes, holding the towel tight to your chest.

You have to figure out how to get out of here, and fast. You have to figure something out before Jungkook gets back.

Jimin is on edge around you. He won’t turn his back to you. He was probably told to keep you in his line of sight every second. It’s a fortune he left you alone to wash your ass, but perhaps the risk of actually seeing a pair of breasts had the pink-haired maniac running for the hills. He didn’t seem averse to women, but then again, you weren’t one to judge, having found yourself twisted in the sheets with every flavor of the human-rainbow - some of them, more than once.

You walk into the bathroom and struggle with the knob of the shower. It comes out powerfully, and takes mere seconds to warm up. It was enticing, the urge to wash the last couple of days off. You have to be careful of your hand, the burn tingles a little but it doesn’t hurt - not enough to take any medication, at least. You stare at yourself in the mirror, watching your reflection slowly becomes absorbed by the steam filling the room. You wipe a hand across the surface of the glass, so you can see your own face, before you hang your head in surrender.

You had come to a wretched conclusion during these few moments of blessed freedom.

For now, you would have to play their game.

And that meant doing as they wanted, no matter how frustrated it made you feel.

You shower, taking care of your wrapped wrist, and dress in a pair of boxers fresh out the packet and a huge sweater. You practically drowned in the material, having to roll the sleeves up three times before you could see your own hands. Jungkook had a huge collection of socks and you grabbed the funniest looking pair you could find - yellow and green spots with a cartoon frog stitched on either side. You looked stupid, but it was better than nothing. And his clothes smelled divine.

Once you are done, you toss the towel in the dirty basket in the corner of the room and open the door, walking out into the hallway. Only to trip over Jimin’s body sat distractedly in front of the door and fall straight to the floor in a crumpled heap in his lap. The two of you look at each other for a beat, strangely close, before he shoves you off, sending you rolling.

“Holy shit,” Jimin gasps. “You’re fucking heavy.”

He swats at the invisible dirt on his shoulders and straighten out his pants as he moves to his feet. “You sure took your time.”

You roll your eyes and get up by yourself. What a dick. “Whatever. You said you made lunch. I’m hungry.”

He stares at you for a long moment before he glances away. “Follow me.”

Jimin leads you into the living room and nods to the comfy looking couch. “Sit.”

“I’m not a dog,” you snap but do as you were told.

He snorts and yells from where he had disappeared into the kitchen, “Dogs follow commands much better than you do.”

You bite down on the urge to bark back at him. Instead, you pull your legs up to your chest and glare at the huge TV across from you. The screen was showing a preview for a new romance drama that you had heard about but you had no intention of watching.

Love stories rarely moved you in a positive way. Instead, they filled you with a strange cloying sensation, like being stuck in a hot, sweaty room with barely a sliver of wind. You search for the sweet relief that the wind should give you, but the feeling of overbearing heat persists. In fact, it only gets worse the more you move around. So, you try succumbing to the temperature, but that only makes you feel pathetic.

Looking or not looking at love in motion - either way, you felt suffocated.

Jimin returns and drops down beside you. He nudges your legs so you make space on your lap for the plate in his hands. He says, “I hope you don’t have any allergies.”

You roll your eyes. “It would be a little late if I did.”

He pauses for a moment before he laughs, a little meanly. “You’re right. Eat up.”

He had made dakgangjeong with a side of yellow rice. It smells fragrant and your stomach gurgles in hunger.

Jimin had already started chowing down but when he notices you hadn’t begun eating, he tosses you a scathing look. “What? It’s not fancy enough for you or something, Princess?”

You roll your eyes. “You gave me a plastic spoon.”

He scoffs. “Should I have given you a pair of chopsticks so you can jab the end into my eye and make a run for it? Not likely. Figure it out.”

You struggle a little with the food, getting the sweet-and-spicy chunks of boneless chicken and rice into your mouth, much to Jimin’s amusement. He lets out odd snorts when bits of meat misses your mouth and falls back into the bowl or into your lap, much to your annoyance. You jab him in his side with your elbow, only one time, sharp and purposeful, and he lets out a gasp of air.

“Fuck, YN,” he whines, rubbing at the sore spot. “What are you, made of metal?”

“Only 69%,” you retort, rolling your eyes. You ask, “Can we change the channel? All this love shit is giving me the creeps.”

Jimin looks your way before he nods. “I don’t like romance stuff either.”

“Why? You had no problem being all lovey-dovey with misery-guts earlier,” you retort. “I thought you’d eat this love crap up.”

“You mean Tae?” Jimin laughs, but the sound is strained. “Nah, that’s just… I don’t know, it’s just that we aren’t together-together.”

You rear your head back for a moment, running each incident of stomach-turning PDA you had witnessed in the very few interactions you had with both men, and you can’t stop yourself from asking, shock evident on your face, “What the fuck does that mean?”

Jimin shrugs, running his tongue across his teeth a few times, contemplative, before he explains, “What Tae and I are can’t really be explained with words. He’s my person, you know? My soulmate. I look at him and I see everything.”

“You love him… But you aren’t ‘together-together’?”

Jimin nods, as if it explained everything.

“Why?”

“Our lifestyle isn’t really conventional,” he explains, a touch shyly. It didn’t suit the other man, who you had only ever viewed as sarcastic and cocky. He seems… soft. “Kookie, Tae and I are… fated. Right now, Tae and I have to stay as we are.”

You take a moment. “Isn’t that painful?”

Jimin looks at you, eyes a fraction wider in surprise. “A bit.”

“You’re being frighteningly honest,” you mutter. “Just date him. What the fuck could go wrong?”

Jimin bites his bottom lip. “There’s a lot we have to do before Tae and I can take that step. We… We just can’t.”

He’s being intentionally vague but you don’t feel like it’s your place to pry. You have your secrets, secrets that you would prefer to take to your grave if given the chance, so you shut your mouth and turn your eyes to the screen, leaving the pink-haired man alone to his rapidly-darkening thoughts.

Some time later

Jimin actually doesn’t leave your side for the whole afternoon. He walks you to the bathroom, to the living room, to the kitchen when you want a glass of water. It feels like you had grown a tumor overnight. If tumors made stupid comments, read comics at a snail’s pace or listened to female rap music a touch too loudly in its headphones.

You don’t even try to escape. The few times you were able to walk past the front door, with Jimin’s grip tight on the inside of your elbow, you noticed the lock there. It was a touchpad lock that required a passcode to leave as well as one to enter. You presumed both were different, but even if they had been the same, you hadn’t gotten a look at the password when you first got brought here because of Jungkook’s looming presence and Taehyung’s unnecessarily broad back.

Moments of absolute frustration flash through you during the few hours you spend lonely but not alone.

You feel bouts of sickening anxiety standing in the long hallway, seeing echoes of memories in the portraits and photographs lining the walls. Happiness is etched onto the faces of your three captors, making the trio seem friendly, approachable - kind, even. But, Jimin poking his head over your shoulder and giving you the backstory of each picture is enough to remind you of your involuntary incarceration and you are brought right back to the realization that these men are capable of more than you can even comprehend.

Barbs of nausea spike through your chest whenever you see a bird pass in front of the high windows, free in a way that you had taken for granted. It brings to mind your history, the one that you have tried so valiantly to forget, to escape, to out-run. The clawed hands of the ghosts of your past reaching out from behind a ragged and beaten door, one that is barely holding onto its hinges. One day, those same hinges were doing to blow apart and crumble into dust before your very eyes. But for now, you can keep those memories at bay and that’s enough.

It has to be enough.

You try to escape to the bathroom whenever this would happen to throw up, closing the door behind you while Jimin waited in the bedroom, pretending to be ignorant of the sickly pallor of your skin and the shallowness of your breathing. The bile in your throat tasted too familiar, waves of sickness crashing over you until you are left shivering. Jimin gives you a cup of green tea after, wordlessly. You don’t want to think of the pity that passes through his eyes that you caught sight of the one time you looked him in the eye.

Jimin texted a lot too. You didn’t have to ask who he was talking to.

Jungkook.

He comes back just before it gets dark.

The sky is cloudy, it had started to rain, and you had made a home in the armchair in front of the window, acceptance finally having settled like a blanket around your shoulders. You hadn’t moved for about an hour, staring listlessly out of the window, watching the people go about their lives.

The sound of the passcode being tapped in followed simultaneously by the scratching of paws catches your attention and Jimin perks up from where he is laying on his back, watching the flame flicker enticingly from the mouth of the intricately-designed lighter in his hand. He seemed to be enthralled by the flame, almost as if he were consumed by it.

“Bam!”

He hops up and opens his arms, only to be attacked by a huge, black dog.

The dog excitedly hops around Jimin, sniffing him all over, tail wagging in happiness. Jimin scrunches the dog’s face, giving him kisses all over the crown of his head, and he giggles.

He looks up from where he is patting Bam’s huge head and he says, “You got him back?”

Taehyung kicks off his shoes and walks into the room, grabbing Bam’s collar and tugging him gently to the kitchen.

“He wanted to come home,” he replies, simply. He doesn’t even acknowledge your presence in the house, and while it didn’t piss you off because you wanted to talk to him, you still felt uncomfortable with the ease in which he dismisses you. It isn’t like you wanted to be here either!

Jungkook walks in behind Taehyung, quietly. He shoves his hands in his pockets, his mask still covering the bottom half of his face. He approaches you slowly, and your pulse increases with each step he takes. His eyes are a little wide, as if he were wrestling with a caged animal.

He drops to one of his knees in front of you and says, resting his mask on his chin, “YN… Did you have a good day?”

Jungkook gives you a small smile, gentle, and he reaches for your hand but at the last moment, thinks better of it, dropping his hand and letting it awkwardly rest in his lap.

You stare down at him. “What kind of a day do you think I had, genius?”

His hopeful expression shutters into something guarded. “S-Sorry. I just- I thought staying out would make you feel a bit more… relaxed. It might let you get used to... used to being here without... I don’t know, without feeling suffocated.”

“You thought wrong.”

He flinches. “YN…”

“If you thought you being away would’ve made me feel even an iota better, you would have never come back,” you snarl before shooting to your feet. “Jimin, I’m going to the bathroom.”

Jungkook grabs your wrist, loosely, and says, eyes watery, “YN, I’m trying-”

“Trying to what?” You snap. “Trying to piss me off?”

He sniffles, staring at the floor. “I’m… I’m sorry.”

You slap his hand away and stomp off toward the bedroom, feeling rather than seeing Jimin awkwardly trail behind you. Taehyung and Jimin share a long look, the younger of the two tossing a hard look in your direction that promised retribution of you kept up these brattish antics.

Taehyung got it - he really did.

But Jungkook was like a big kid, and you were breaking his soft heart.

Taehyung watches as Jungkook pulls a small bouquet from his backpack and feels his chest tighten up. He had hidden them there just in case Bam had gotten too excited in the car and crushed them with his tendency to jump on Jungkook’s chest.

The youngest wordlessly hands the pale pink flowers to Taehyung and walks into the kitchen. He swipes at his nose with his sleeve, pulling out a bottle of something clear from the refrigerator, and pops the cap.

“Kookie…”

“Stop, hyung,” he says, after taking a long gulp. His voice sounds like it has been cut with a thousands shards of glass. “It doesn’t matter. Give it to Jimin. You know he likes the color pink.”

Jungkook spends some time sitting on the balcony, right under the jutted out roof, trying like hell to ignore what he knew was going on inside. He contemplates every decision that lead him to the situation he has found himself in - maybe he shouldn’t have ever walked into the library in the first place. Maybe then he wouldn’t know how painful it was to watch your beautiful eyes fill with such a degree of disdain.

Once it started getting too cold, the rain soaking his hoodie and making him shiver, he comes inside. He pulls the hoodie off, tossing it into the corner, leaving a trail of clothes behind him as he walks back to his room. YN is curled in the corner of the room, sleeping. You ignored the bed, choosing instead to wrap yourself up in his bedsheets and hide yourself away in the corner. Your hair is poking out from a small hole in the bundle of sheets and the steady rise and fall tells him that you are sleeping.

He showers quickly, leaving the door cracked slightly open because his anxiety wouldn’t let him leave you with an option to leave without him knowing.

Jungkook couldn’t even tell you how pretty you looked, you didn’t give him a chance.

He had run through the conversation a thousand times in the car with Taehyung. What to say to charm you, to compliment you on your smile and your eyes, how not to look at you for too long in case it made you uncomfortable, but somehow within seconds he had ruined it with his stupid mouth and lingering gaze.

A fresh wave of tears silently fall from his eyes, already puffy and sore from all the rubbing. He tries to stop himself from making noise by biting down on his bottom lip and shoving his knuckles into his mouth like he used to when he was a kid to keep the frustrated cries from escaping, but it doesn’t work.

He keeps crying.

And it comes from the core of him. The knowledge that he might never see the corners of your eyes crinkling in that same warm way he remembers from the library. He doesn’t care if it was a composition of all your best parts that you left on display, hiding the shadows of your personality behind a brick wall. He feels robbed of the experience of you.

He’s angry and frustrated and in pain, and it just doesn’t end.

Jungkook tries to ground himself in the moment. He traces his favorite tattoos, he counts to a hundred five times over just to keep himself from screaming and disturbing your slumber. He counts his breaths and snaps bands on his wrist so he doesn’t think about worse things like the molly he stashed in his drawer or the way it makes him feel.

Maybe if you woke up to find him near dead, it might make you feel something other than hatred for him.

The both of you lay on the floor that night, with Jungkook laying on his side in front of the bedroom door and you curled in a protective ball in the corner.

It wouldn’t be possible for you to leave without stepping over his body and he was a light sleeper, even without the anxiety coursing through his veins. Still, he doesn’t get a wink of rest that entire night, every time he thinks he can relax enough to actually drift off, his body jerks and he’s back to being hyper-alert again.

Jungkook counts his fingers, he taps out rhythms on his upper-thighs, he paces quietly, peeking at you every once in a while to make sure you were still breathing - some hideous part of him worrying that you might try to escape him in death.

He would follow you, you know. He knows he would.

He even brings Bam into the room so the dog can sleep on his legs, knowing that he has always found solace in Jungkook since he was a puppy.

He pats his dog’s head and hums out the bare bones of a song that is forming in his head, the melancholy and anguish that has built up in his spine finally easing as his fingers tap out a perfect rhythm on his toned thighs, wishing, instead, that he could be laying beside you, holding you tightly instead of simply watching you, obsessively, from across the room.

- end -

#euphoria #jeon jungkook x reader #jeon jungkook x you #btswritersguild #btswriterscollective #btswritersclub #btswriterscafe #bts yandere #jungkook yandere #jungkook angst #jungkook smut

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incorrect-bkdk-quotes · 3 years

Note

Hello! I hope it’s okay to ask you questions! I recently re-joined the fandom, bkdk being my main ship had me rewatch and re-read all of their moments! I have some doubts and wanted to ask you about them! We know that bakugou was insecure and punished deku for that. I never understood tho, where exactly is the correlation in this? Also, has he always been worried for deku? Should we see every past moment as him worrying for deku in his own toxic way? ( before actually realising what he felt? ) like when he didn’t want him to join U.A. ? worrying about the quirk? There are these things that I’m not so sure about and I know that are pretty important for them.. so I hope you can explain them to me! I’m sure there’s more I would like to ask, but I don’t even know if I have enough space for my ask eheh

Anon before you decide to hate me, pls understand that I wrote a v nice long meta on this and thought it had been uploaded and I was VERY confused to see that Tumblr just,,,, ate my post,,, :(

I want to rewrite everything I did, but idk if I'll manage to be that eloquent again gdi-

Anyway hello!! I joined the fandom pretty recently myself and I do relate to your experience of combing through the manga + show looking for any nods to your favourite characters and ships!

Before I start rambling, I would like to remind everyone that this is Art, and art is meant to be interpreted.

This is just how / interpreted the story, and it is definitely not the only way to interpret the material, nobody reads into the nuances exactly the same. Also this is bakugou centric bec that's what the anon asked, but dw I have put as much thought into izuku's side of the story too!

Correlation between Bakugou's insecurities and his treatment of Izuku

Ok so I think the correlation comes from the fact that Bakugou has been raised as a typical gifted child, being told he is the best and special and better than everyone else by all the adults or authority figures in his life. However he has also been raised to think that all his "special-ness" comes from his powerful quirk and not him intrinsically. How does he deal with this? By basing his entire identity around his quirk and his sheer power of course and ends up with a self esteem is based in what he can do, not who he is.

This leaves a gaping hole at the core, that's his biggest insecurity. "Who is he without the flashy quirk?" So instead of dealing with that (understandable, he's like what 5? when the quirk kicks in?), he accepts that this is just how the world is. He's just better. More worthy. And everyone will just have to deal with that fact. Not his problem.

Now comes in quirkless izuku, weaker than katsuki in everyway that he saw, but clinging to the same hopes, same ambitions that katsuki did, and it pisses him off while also scaring him. Not exactly in a sentimental i-secretly-worry-about-my-old-friend kind of way.

I just think he's intimidated by Izuku's hero spirit. His insecurity complex manifests as the question- Would he be as driven as Izuku is, to be a hero, if he didn't have the backing of his quirk? That's a hard fucking question that Katsuki is definitely not ready to ask himself. (Oh source? Uh the remedial arc dialogue "if you keep looking down on others, you'll never see your own weakness")

Everything about izuku challenges his perception of the world and he lashes out and tries to squash his own feelings of inadequacy.

And he is convinced Izuku can see through him, and that izuku thinks of himself as a better person and hero than katsuki. Which almost definitely fucks his already fragile self esteem.

Obviously he's wrong to do so. On the other hand he's a child, he's not emotionally mature enough to realise what he's thinking, or contemplate what he's saying before he's said it and that definitely fucks up his relationship with midoriya.

Should we see every past moment through the lens of bakugou being secretly worried for midoriya?

I don't know what we can and should do, I just know that I do not exactly do that. Bakugou wasn't a nice kid and that's just how it is. (What matters is that he worked on himself till he got better and he cares now. He's cared since the early days of watching Deku at UA I'd guess)

I will always view their interactions after UA began with leniency because they're both growing so much.

I do not know how universal this experience is, but a great change, something like going to college, or in this case high school, really Fucks with your world view.

Katsuki has always been the best, far outclassing his peers at everything he did. For the first time he is amongst other strong individuals who can keep up with him, including Deku. Katsuki's still brilliant, but he has to work for that number one spot. (I would go into how his inferiority complex makes it hard for him to accept anything but first spot but we don't have the time)

Just as importantly, Katsuki has also found something at UA, guidance from adults who still expect brilliance, but for more than simply due to his quirk. He also finally makes actual friends (yay bakuquad) who don't turn and flee at the first sign if trouble (.. yes I'm looking saltily at those kids from Aldera who ditched him withinn 2 seconds during that sludge villain attack)

To paraphrase from The Good Place "People change and grow when they receive external love and support, how can we hold it against them if they don't"

With so much changing in his life, is it that hard to believe that Katsuki Bakugou gets better as a hero and as a person?

I am not touching the manga, because idk how much you've read anon, (really the current arc just says it all so clearly!) but even before the end of Season 3, you can see the change in his behaviour.(Yes I'm talking about his acknowledgement of izuku's strength, and yeah Obviously I'm talking about the vulnerability he displays in Deku vs Kacchan 2.0)

And yeah like they say- "the best apology is changed behaviour"

[sorry anon, this veered a little off topic by the end but I hope I hit all your queries??]

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numbaoneflaya · 3 years

Note

Can I get a list of all ur ocs?

Well anon youve done it, you made me make a list of all my major OCS in one place. I hope your happy with yourself. Under the cut for obvious reasons, may link in my blog desc later.

Modern/BTD verse!!

Jilly- Ferret beastkin little creature, was recently turned into a werewolf by vincent as well so she's running around on full moons in a wereferret wolf hybrid creature form. Chaotic and friendly and wants to be everyone's bestie. She has the most energy in the world and is very kind hearted. Banned from most Claires for stealing and from one Home Depot for climbing the shelves. Prone to living life with rose colored glasses on and seeing the best in everything/everything even when there's nothing there. Socialization is a must for her and is why being basemented/kidnapped broke her psych so quickly and developed severe stockholm. Sometimes overly talkative/enthusiastic and can scare people off. Even if she sees someone shes decided shes friends with be noticeably 'evil', will convince herself it must be for some reason/her fault and ignore it.

Ciggy- Undead punk still learning to harness his powers to interact with the world as a ghost. Was sacrificed by a cult he joined for free concert tickets and to get laid. Likes to cause problems on purpose both pre and prior death and he's not above possessing someone once he learns how to. Was called Rooster in high school before he dropped out because he's loud, obnoxious and always screaming. And also has bright red dyed hair. Looking 4 ways to become less ghosty bcs he wants to be able to help raise his infant daughter, whom he died before he could meet. Bit annoying and in your face, likes poking at bruises, his or others. Kind of a sad heart seeking attention through volume and persistence.

Mike: Vampire loser! Sells drugs and lives at raves. Was turned when she was attacked by a coked out vampire (whom she supplied the product to) and has major scarring on her face and chest. Needs a somewhat constant influx of blood so shell sometimes take victims back to her place and chain them up, slowly draining them over time. Feels bad (ish) about it tho so it is possible to survive her if you are nice and or interesting enough. Kind of desperate for a friend and for love. Is a stalker. If she likes you enough/finds you interesting, she might just appear in your house one night and start rummaging through your fridge like nothing is wrong and youve been besties for years. Its best to indulge her and be friendly, otherwise she could turn violent quickly if her feelings are hurt.

Kilaine- Regular human woman, but fucked up. Born and raised by an elite waspy society she had an interest in the human body and pain tolerance since she was young. Quickly learned that these traits were socially unacceptable in most professions, so she became a doctor. The only family she cared about was her younger sister who she lost in a car accident, where they were flipped over and trapped inside while it was afire. While her sister burned up in front of her Kilaine only lost her left arm and had major burns on her body. This tipped her descent into sadism and she is now madly obsessed with bringing her sister back no matter the cost. Rude and offstandish, clinical.

Dragon age verse!

Thurwen- My main Hero of Ferelden with a bad temper and a heart of gold. City elf from the Denerim Alienage, 18 at the start of origins. She's a reaver warrior with a lot of pent up rage which sometimes scares others when she lets it out in battle. Over the years she's grown less moody as she's had to take the role of Commander. Crude sense of humor and violent impulses, very sensitive to the plights of others and tries often to help. Never seen crying in public but only cries to herself at night- major martyr and hanged man complex.

Caz- My circle mage elf inquisitor who was an apostate before the conclave. Blood magic, but make it sneaky. Wary of strangers and new faces, always dealing with the impulse to flee/find a high vantage point. Endless curiosity about the unknown/ the forbidden/ naughty, was supposed to be made tranquil for it but she escaped. Kind of a little creature as well, lived on her own for a while as an apostate in the woods, filed her teeth down to sharp ends to make herself look more intimidating (shes 5 ft tall) and less cute (her elf ears are huge and expressive, which shes embarrassed about)

Dag and Thagna- Carta twins! Professional lyrium smugglers since birth pretty much. Raised casteless in dust town and had to work their way up the chain of command by themselves. Dag is the brother, Thagna the sister. Their father traded them to the carta for drinking money and their mom died in childbirth so they have somewhat of a codependent relationship. Both charismatic and calculating, friendly and agreeable but won't hesitate to put a dagger in your back. Hard to pin down morally or physically, squirrelly bastards.

Reila: Dalish elf who works for the inquisition/ is the inquisitor in some aus. She has an extreme fixation on elvhen history and rebuilding what they have lost. Not a people person, prefers solitude. Takes some time to warm up to shemhlen as she has a hard history with them. Good friends with Caz, who recruited her in the first place. Doesn't understand very many social cues and finds societal expectations limiting and frustrating. Fondness for halla and hooved animals, which she finds graceful.

Elder scrolls verse!

Valkya: Near seven foot nord woman whos over a thousand years old by the events of skyrim. Tall and buff, two handed warrior and compulsive hero there to bask in the spotlight save the day. She was killed at the start of the events of Elder scrolls online and had her soul ripped out and sent to coldharbor and she's just been a pain in the ass about it since then. Her body can physically die and will not regrow pieces. Her soul however will escape and teleport to the nearest source of power where her body will regrow from an aetherial plasm until its whole again. Loud and brash, friendly and jovial. Actually pretty keen especially after centuries of life but prefers to play dumb as it makes people underestimate her. Plus, she really does enjoy mud wrestling and drinking contests and acting generally like a rambunctious frat boy. Ha developed a bit of a substance problem and a problem with acting out, as after being alive so long she would turn to anything to dull the ache inside of her that never goes away.

Espira- My Dragonborn! Redguard from Hammerfell who was briefly in the Ash’abah due to killing undead while protecting her parents water farm as a child. Ran away from them after years and went to Cyrodille, then to Skyrim and was caught crossing the border. Reserved, kind and soft spoken, she's a sword and shield warrior who's committed herself to doing good in the world by helping others. Dislikes killing and anything messy but believes it is often necessary in order to protect the weak. She blacksmiths often to save money on the upkeep of her own equipment, and takes up metal jewelry working as a hobby with the excess material. Prone to trusting others too much and giving too many second chances, as shes always looking for ways to make even the most hardened criminal a second look at life.

Riley- Espiras little brother who she locked in the wardrobe during the event of the water farm attack. In preventing him from doing violence against the undead she kept him from being conscripted into the Ash’abah. He's way more chaotic than his sister, and suffers from a case of little sibling syndrome in which he will often pester/poke at people just to get a rise out of them. Still kind hearted as his sister, he tries to hide it because he believes that the world is a cruel place and the cruel survive. Despite that belief he is often still unable to force himself to be cruel/careless, only making a show of it so that others leave him alone and don't see that he's very sensitive and emotional. Deaf in one ear due to a magic mishap in his youth, he trained and enchanted his most beloved rats to live for years and sit on his shoulder, alerting him to noises he would not otherwise notice.

Felria: Evil vamp :/ chaotic evil dunmer necromancer. Small and devilish and likes dead bodies too much. Manipulative and cunning, she loves acting. She's a trained assassin for the dark brotherhood and is the speaker. Likes dressing up for missions and wearing disguises like its all a play. Loves toying with people more than she loves killing them, will act in ways that cause as much trauma as possible for other people just for fun and she finds the reactions interesting. Considers herself too far removed from most people's perception of morality and of her so it's hard for her to trust someone or see them as worthy of knowing her. Finds the psychology of grief and fear to be interesting and wants to study them first hand. The hero of kvatch.

Herren: Fifty something year old rat woman looking for something to keep her going. Ran away from her wealthy family in her youth when they wanted her to take charge of the household, instead became an infamous jewel thief and swashbuckler. Spent most of her life traveling and stealing and double dealing. She's smarmy and sarcastic, a serial romancer of the highest caliber. Bit of a show off and a hedonist, always looking for the next good party or new product to snort. Her family died off due to the hard times she wasn't there for and she keeps looking for bigger and bigger heists to fill her appetite as she's chronically bored and lonely, though wont accept intimacy and will scoff at it out of the belief she doesn't deserve it. Irresponsible and selfish, lonely and terrified of any sort of commitment. Fun to party with though!

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brave-clarice · 3 years

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“Clarice” Liveblog: Episodes 5 & 6

Since these are extraordinarily late, I tried to keep them more concise/focused than before. I’m sorry for how long it’s taken me to (almost) catch up. And to the handful of you who’ve enjoyed these and encouraged me to do them: thank you!

Episode 5, “Get Right With God”

the music at the beginning of this episode might just be in the maintenance guy’s headphones(!) but it was still a…Choice.

there’s something so tragic about watching Clarice be unable to use her legs… :’(

this whole scenario feels like a twisted parallel universe version of the end of Hannibal.

glad to see Ardelia finally has her priorities straight and is going to fight for her best friend! let’s forget her Episode 4 subplot ever happened.

good: the warrior finding a weapon even in the direst of circumstances!

bad: those damn moths are back. at least this time they might be drug-induced.

“she worked Bill alone” no, she didn’t. not really. (Hannibal: I’m right here.)

stop trying to make Likable Paul happen, it’s never going to happen!!!

I HATE the “Reesey” nickname, y’all. HATE. IT.

plus, we know that her dad called her “Baby”?

her father’s appearance doubles down on the end-of-Hannibal vibes...Not Sure If Want.

wow, Clarice is being literally tortured? thanks, I hate it!!!

really doubt that Clarice’s Pinto used to belong to her father (who drives a truck in the books??)... weird flex.

and how would she even have gotten it? her mother would either have driven that car into the ground out of necessity or else have sold it for the money the Starlings needed so desperately.

Pintos also weren’t super high-quality cars and were definitely not built to last ~20 years.

Clarice already being able to chat with her father whenever she needs to really undermines the therapy Hannibal will eventually give her, but…I guess they’ve already accepted they’ll never make it that far?

“you’re trying to get in my head” yeah, and she’s doing it, too–’cause she learned from the best!

“you get an answer, I get an answer, Felker.” she’s Hannibal’s girl all right.

this episode’s had flashes of brilliance before diving back into…whatever tf watching one of your favorite characters of all time being tortured is.

I really wanted Ardelia to say that no, but Clarice was like a sister to her.

it took FIVE episodes to get some lamb imagery, but we’ve been looking at moths for the entire season?!

oof, Clarice voicing her own insecurities about her childhood abandonment and using them to twist Felker’s arm...painful but smart.

HANNAH!!!

I would die 4 baby Clarice

after all that, Clarice is going to apologize to Ardelia about last week? this episode SUCKS.

Good: Clarice playing mind games with Felker like Hannibal did to her; Ardelia going to bat for her bestie, lamb flashbacks, baby Clarice, and HANNAH!

Bad: So much. Clarice being medically tortured multiple times, moth hallucinations, the several-years-premature (imo) Daddy-as-Guardian-Angel plot device, “Reesey”...did I mention Clarice getting repeatedly tortured?!

Ugly: Krendler backstory + making out with his wife. Ew.

Wow, this episode was a hot mess, and I kind of hated it. I loved Clarice’s really Hannibalesque approach to Felker, and I’m so thrilled that Hannah got mentioned at all (tho...did they need to be so heavy-handed with the helmet and gun and everything?) Also nice to see Ardelia behaving much more in-character. That said, it was sickening and imo totally unnecessary to further traumatize Clarice the way they did. To make her almost helpless.

Clarice, and by extension Rebecca Breeds (who is fantastic and deserves better), has been given very little range so far. She’s frequently been shown as miserable, afraid, desperate, traumatized, angry, resentful, but I also want to see her joyful, laughing, silly, relaxed...something else that will give her depth. Her life wasn’t miserable 24/7, 365. It was just unfulfilling. We got glimpses of this in the first two episodes. PLEASE bring it back!

And rn I’m questioning how Clarice’s career can possibly drag on for another six years after this. Her apparent PTSD is already interfering with her job performance as it is--this experience is only going to make it worse. Her “body count” in Hannibal was around five, iirc, and that was enough to slap her with the “Death Angel” moniker. In the show at least four people have died in close proximity to Clarice in the space of like...a week. How does she come back from that, even as the savior of Catherine Martin? It’s a PR nightmare for obth Clarice and the FBI.

They’ve also sort of forgotten that the Martins existed while continuing to flesh out Krendler’s (?!) character? It’s weird.

I almost don’t even want to watch Episode 6 after that. But here goes...

Episode 6, “How Does It Feel to Be So Beautiful?”

the freaking MOTHS again, I hate them!

frankly, yeah, Clarice should be on leave.

Clarice’s nondescript monochrome suits and constant ponytail are just so boring. in the book she’s described as never having to put effort into making her hair look good--so why is it always pulled back in this show?

I’m not sure it’s very in-character for Clarice, at this point in her career, to go over her boss’s head to get out of admin leave (one she really needs to take tbh) even for the sake of solving a case

lol what the actual hell @ AG Martin guilt-tripping Clarice, who was very recently tortured and almost died, for not calling Catherine back? Clarice is not Catherine’s therapist!

THIS is what my Vogue-reading heroine with burgeoning great taste wears for a night out? so disappointing.

never in my life did I think I’d be sitting through Krendler’s personal drama in a show ABOUT CLARICE STARLING.

her costume sucks and her hairstyle’s from years in the future, but dang does Clarice look gorgeous.

and I love thinking of her getting a taste of the luxury she’ll enjoy with Hannibal. :)

you know what? I think I was actually fine with them forgetting that the Martins were in this show.

whyyy is Krendler being made so sympathetic?!

now Catherine Martin “loved to sew” just like Frederica Bimmel? hmm. (tbf, maybe this is in the novel, and I’ve just forgotten.)

her gift for Clarice is sweet, though.

so beautiful, indeed

Christ on a cracker, that confrontation between the Martins was painful to watch (not a criticism). this show’s AG and her daughter are very much two of a kind in terms of emotional manipulation.

I stan one (1) doofus

now either Catherine’s gaslighting Clarice...or Clarice’s trauma (over BILL! again with this!) is so pervasive that it’s twisted her memories. either way, I hate it.

so Krendler’s lawyer is dirty and that’s why he’ll (probably) turn against Clarice? but WHY? why can’t Krendler just suck?

Good: Clarice looking gorgeous, Ardelia continuing to fight for Clarice, female characters in positions of authority everywhere

Bad: Clarice’s underwhelming costumes, Clarice’s primary/worst trauma apparently STILL being Buffalo Bill & having Clarice break down crying again (and NOT over what happened last week, which would tbh make a lot more sense).

Sad: Shaan’s backstory about his wife, everything involving Catherine

Ugly: Krendler subplot. Ugh.

I just don’t know how I feel about this installment. Wish I cared more about the overarching conspiracy plot, but I’m really only here for Clarice and Ardelia. And while no show can stand on the shoulders of a single character, for a show about Clarice, there seems to be quite a bit of screentime devoted to her bosses, Martin and Krendler, and even to her team members. And all without Clarice herself getting much character development. They don’t seem to be exploring much of her character other than her traumatic backstories, and I’m no longer very hopeful that she’ll be much more fleshed out in the last four episodes, either. It’s a bummer. I really think Rebecca could shine like Jodie did if she were given a chance.

Most of the scenes with the Martins were visceral and felt so real that it was hard to watch. That said...the AG Martin/Catherine content all strikes me as being somewhat detached from the rest of the show, as if the writers are making it up as they go along with no real end goal in mind.

Man...these two were rough going. Very little humor or warmth and absolutely no joy. Of course the source material is dark, so a somewhat dark crime drama is to be expected, but I really think the show needs a slightly less intense, bleak and (dare I say it?) unpleasant episode. But they writers have really dug themselves into a hole by zeroing in on Clarice’s PTSD. And unlike in Hannibal, there’s no love interest with whom she (and by extension, the audience) can flee her misery and pain.

I'm cautiously optimistic about the rest of the season. A lot of the ingredients are there, and despite my many criticisms, it’s been great to spend time with a character I love. Fingers crossed that they finish strong!

#Clarice Starling #cbs clarice #clarice #rebecca breeds #spoiler warning #bc I know a few of you haven't quite caught up either #long post for ts #media [cbs show]#actor [rebecca breeds]#char [clarice starling]#char [the night watchman]#char [paul krendler]#char [ardelia mapp]

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danhoemei · 3 years

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MDZS questions:

2, 4, 6, 11, 13? 😊

Hello wonderful person 💚💚

2. How did you get to know MDZS?

I kept seeing the manhua around when it had just a few first chapters posted on some site where I read BL mangas. I finally got curious enough to give it a try, didn’t understand many things with so much going on, new characters constantly popping out, and because it was literally my first xianxia danmei so I was not familiar with many concepts and literally spat my spit when they shouted “mount your swords!” and hopped on their weapons, I freaking lost it then. But I was there for the romance initially so I didn’t mind my confusion and just wanted to see the progress of the main pair’s relationship and what dynamic to expect. The manhua chapters back then ended right after wwx summoned wen ning for the first time and was taken to gusu by lwj, who very obviously realised who he was and was fiercely protective and much fond. The last translated chapter was wwx being subdued by unfazed lwj and falling asleep on top of him after teasing him too much. Aaand well by that point I was already hooked completely.

I was desperate to see more, so I googled if there were more chapters somewhere, saw that it’s based on the novel and jumped right to reading it. It was still being translated tho so I spent prolly half a year of desperate yearning and checking for updates from exiledrebels each week. I was initially there for the romance, but the world, the plot, all the characters and their threads fascinated me so bad that I was immersed in its entirety. The moment I read the final chapters with the culmination of the story, all the reveals and confessions finally taking place, I experienced the biggest catharsis in my entire freaking life lmfao. It still took a long time for me to read all the extras or go back to read the uncensored chapters because the source material kept changing. So yeah, my first experience of mdzs was quite messy and very scattered through time. But I don’t regret taking it up one bit 💚

4. your favorite MDZS character? Why?

Wei wuxian 💚 He’s a ray of sunshine which doesn’t shy away from being tainted and thrown into the deepest darkness in the name of his loved ones and his beliefs, and still manages to shine. He is strong and resilient, but also incredibly empathetic and soft. He’s bold and daring, one of the smartest people ever, and filled with so much intense love. Annoyingly full of himself, but ngl it’s kind of an envy. I respect him terribly for a lot reasons and he’s one of my fav characters of all time, even if he did make me feel intense second-hand embarrassment at times xD

6. your favorite episode?

Mmmm I take it as the drama episode? I’m still at the beginning of cql so can’t really decide yet, but that’s a Thought to have while watching, I’ll keep that in mind ayy

11. Favourite Wei Wuxian era? (Cloud recess, Wandering with LZ, Yiling Patriarch, post-resurrection …)?

Idk how to call that period, kind of pre yiling laozu? After he came back from “the dead” to the jiang sect but before he needed to defect from it to save the Wen remnants. Many horrible things happened but the three siblings found each other again and the future started looking brighter! They gradually rebuilt their sect, qishan wen was finally being pushed off their high throne, there were some fun inter-sect activities like the hunt on the phoenix mountain, xuanli gravitated towards each other giving a promise of a strong alliance between jin and jiang sects. It wasn’t perfect but it was hopeful. And when I was reading, even though I knew the future, I still couldn’t get rid of that shining hope during bits of happiness.

And then everything went to shit, as promised by mxtx in the very first chapter :)

Well, I could stretch this period to include the yiling laozu period, at least when things settled down and wwx was living peacefully (as much as he could) with his Wen family <3 Until he got more and more messed up which led to him losing control ;-;

I am very fond of the lighter periods, like wwx finally getting his happiness with lwj after everything he suffered, I think I wouldn’t be able to continue living peacefully without this story being a happy end. But those two periods somehow stayed with me the most, imperfect and tough but also full of joy and working for the future. People scarred and with a lot on their plates, but supporting each other and repeatedly managing to rise again. Kind of what life is like, I’d say?

13. Headcanons?

The relationship between wwx and jc improves and wwx can spend casual time with his family in his old home lotus pier 💚 I talked a bit about it in this post but in short jc needs to chill the fuck out, learn healthy coping mechanisms, apologize, and actively work to mend his relationship with wwx. But also wwx needs to want to learn jc and finally understand him instead of jumping to conclusions and fueling their misunderstandings. Both of them have work to do for this to happen and it wouldn’t be easy, but I enjoy this thought and need this image for my preferable wholesome ending. Peace

(Ask game)

#ask #ask opinion #ask game #qd archives #mdzs #mdzs meta #long post #i am TERRIBLY sorry I left you hanging for so long #I am hella busy especially after coming back from my hiatus caused by my mourning #this also was the reason that I stopped watching cql so it's been on hold for those over 2 weeks #damn it was just two weeks ago ;__; feels like a world away. really our ability to heal and move on is terrifyingly efficient #...#so yeah I'm slowly picking up the pace and scrambling out of the pile of overdue stuff like a living dead rising from the grave ay #thank you for your ask #it made me feel incredibly happy when you sent it together with the other one #I truly appreciate 💚💚💚#much love 💚

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astro-break · 3 years

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Thoughts on the 12th ep of Hypmic Rhyme Anima. Spoilers beware

Ep.1 | Ep.2 | Ep.3 | Ep.4 & 5 | Ep. 6 | Ep. 7 | Ep. 8 | Ep. 9 | Ep. 10 | Ep. 11

I am the definition of Fear.jpg rn please help

MTR are so cute, just celebrating their win. Look at how happy they are!

... Oh well thats new. I like how Ichijauku has a tiny bit more agency in throwing out ideas (it really shows how close her and otome trust each other) but it also completely retcons a part of hypmic lore that was established with the Drama tracks. If you’ve heard “” then you know what I’m talking about

SMILING DOPPO HOLY SHIT DOPPO

ahaha doppo i love you so much youre so adorable you deserve to be happy

MTR as a family is just soo good. Both as familial or

Hmm.... yes Samatoki has the right to be angry but that flattens him to a good for nothing thinks first asks questions later type of thug which is absolutely not what his character is. Especially with how the anime portrays him, it seems like there's only one emotion that he feels at any moment and that is anger. Which, fair he is an angry boy, but thats just one facet of his character. He’s also logical and not that sore of a loser, seeing that he still has room to grow (if you want an anime example, refer to the previous episode where he genuinely wonders what he could have done to treat Nemu better)

I think my biggest gripe with the adaptation is the flattening of all the characters TBH. I only really see it in Samatoki since I understand his character the most but I also see hints of it with Rio, Hifumi, and Gentaro. Most of the characters are just flattened into 2D tropes and made to act those tropes out. Which, y’know is the basis of each character but the series has built upon each character so well that its kinda jarring seeing them all so flat

I’m not sayin that I hate what the Anime has done with MTC but I hate what the anime has done with MTC

I expected a “Brocon” “Siscon” fight not this. What the fuck

☆ミ＋。゜H A C K I N G ゜。＋ミ☆

ahaha Ichiro you’re too trusting and pure for your own good

Okay why does all the animation budget go to making Samatoki look hot as fuck?

Ahaha they really do get along like cats and dogs. Jyuto being the voice of reason is kinda weird tho but oh well I can live with it

Tom saying “hai warat~e!” is so cute wtf?????? Lemme pet your head please

GENTARO PICKING UP HIS HAKAMA TO RUN IS ADOARBLE HELP ME

Im getting second hand embarrassment from Ramuda lmao

Slightly suspicious about how these group of reporters know the underground layout of Chuuoku so well

Oh well see I was right to be suspicious

That Unit name is really funny considering the whole Galatic Federation thing ahahaha

Oh that english! that was super clean and enunciated really well

Good intentions, bad execution. His reasoning is a bit flawed but its at least sound

hmmm usually I’d be happy about Doppo giving Hifumi his jacket but in this context not so much. See, Doppo gave it to Hifumi mostly because they had to fight, not because there were woman (which let me remind you Hifumi is deathly afraid of and the jacket acts as a wall between him and his gynophobia)

...... uh Interesting choices of microphones for Secret Aliens. Tom’s is a recording studio mic which makes some??? but not much sense. like Tom is a street photographer, not a radio host. Iris’s mic is.... I’m sorry what is that? Some sort of keyboard and.... something. idk what it is on her finger. And T. Rex just ripped out a purple dinosaur spine, stuck a mic onto the neck and called it a day. Nice

At least their speakers are somewhat better. Iris has Iris plants which. hilarious, but also very modern looking and sleek fitting of her more tech savvy nature as a hacker Theres also phone cameras which makes sense but the butterfly imagery which is present .... Fear.jpg. Rex again just went with a T. Rex Speaker which. Thank you rex for being very predictable, we love you so much. That soundwave looks like DNA too which is cool as hell. Tom.... Idk man Tom are you okay? What exactly is your speaker? are they those aperture umbrella things that photographers use? Im so confused, photographers in the fandom please help

YOOOOOOOOO THAT RAP THOUGH IRIS SOUNDS SO PRETTY?!?!?!? Can she please sing me to sleep? its so smooth and rolling. If I had to describe it, I would say that its the type of voice that I would hope would sing the ballads that I compose, the voice of a mother who still holds on to something after loosing everything she has fought for.

Too bad Iris doesn’t get a verse to Rap in but holy shit what? Secret Aliens just might become one of my fave divisions based off song alone

Ah theres the cancellers. Thats fun, nice to see that there isn’t an adaptation induced plot hole in this One instance. Lets see if they can patch up the other plot holes created because the anime and source material went into different places

Dice, bad. no cheating. Bad dice

Ahaha there the flash bomb. That high pitch wailing was awful though. please never do that again

Hah, typical Ichijaku. We love it

Oh look at them. Working together. How cute. I really like Rio and Saburo interactions mostly because theres so much potential

Oh noooo i worry for FP

That growl from Ichijaku though. That did things to my heart oh my god

Aww I do like that enthusiasm from Ramuda. I do hope that things turn out at least somewhat okay for him. He’ll probably suffer

Wait why is Saburo’s left eye purple? Is it the lighting or something else? I hope its just the lighting bc if anything happens to Saburo i will be very very sad (I rewatched the episode and Saburo’s eye is blue all the way up till he gets hit by Secret Alien’s attack. Even in a brightly lit area, it looks purple... i hope it isn’t forshadowing but then again Saburo’s eye has always been a darker shade of blue so it could just be the yellowish lighting since Ichiro’s red eye looks fuchsia)

Ichijaku with an angry face is kinda hot ahaha. Her deep rolling voice of anger just. Ugh very very good. Major props to her VA for pulling it off

IM FUCKING SORRY WHAT

YOU CAN”T LEAVE US ON THAT CLIFF HANGER?!

WHAT THE FUCK

IM GOING TO GO INSANE

THAT WASN’T EVEN SATISFYING?!?!?!

WHAT THE FUCK

KING RECORDS E X P L A I N

I DEMAND AN EXPLANATION

oh there’s a 13th ep

well thank fuck for a 13th ep bc if they ended the season like that i think id actually cry lol

Ugh so I guess that next week will be the last episode. I was so prepared for today to be the last episode but its kinda surprising that they have 13, slightly different from the normal season

#hypmic #hypnosis mic #hypnosis mic rhyme anima #hypmic spoilers

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wall-maria-fritz · 3 years

Text

The Wingman (Erwin Smith x Marie)

Chapter 5: The Territory

Reposting this because I am officially overhauling my @levi-lives blog, in lieu of this one because SOMEONE Tumblr won't let my posts show up from there anymore! grrrr.

@levi-lives blog is still up tho, if you would like still see my original posts

The Wingman MASTERLIST

A/N: HELLO! YES I STILL PLAN ON FINISHING THIS BABY So much has happened these past 5 months that’s cost me my peace of mind and caused me so much heartbreak (haha i hate boys but what’s new? lol) But hey! At this point, I’m just choosing to see all this as new material to source my inspirations from now on :P This chapter was written while listening to Pretty Please by Dua Lipa, Laisse-moi t'aimer by Laurie Darmon , and There You Are by WHAT THE DUCK. I actually made a playlist for all the songs I use, and ya’ll can find them HERE! I’ve written you lovelies a looong one for the looong wait! (4K words wtf XD) Enjoy!

Chapter 5: The Territory

Dearest Marie,

The moment you walked in the room, all blazing curls and bright hazel eyes, I knew you had me wrapped around your finger. And what is a man to do, when the most gorgeous woman he’s ever laid eyes upon, makes his heart stop the second she blesses him with her tinkling laugh and charming wit?

Truly Marie, you may very well be the death of me. But if that’s what it takes to keep your heart, then what a wonderful death it would be!

And I do swear, by my soldier’s honor, to offer up my heart to you, for you to do with as you wish. Break it or take it, I am at your whim’s mercy. But I do trust that a woman as gentle as she is beautiful, would never deny a dying man’s wish.

Forever Yours,

Nile

The Titan Territory was at the peak of its happy hour. Chock full of drunkards, lechers, soldiers, and the occasional vagabond. Most nights like these, Marie would be at the tips of her toes. Keeping alert, and focused on getting her work done without attracting trouble. She was a woman in a room full of inebriated men, after all. And it wouldn’t be uncommon for a few of these men to get… more handsy than usual. And it certainly isn‘t new to Marie either

But tonight, the barmaid did not seem to mind all the boisterous men nor the stench of ale. In fact, she looked rather flushed and chipper as she placed another mug of ale in front of a bucked-tooth man. She even smiled sarcastically when yet another man old enough to be her father used yet another recycled pick-up line at her. As opposed to straight up telling the old bloke that the age must be getting to him if his eyes couldn’t tell that she was no angel, but a person who definitely knows how to call the MP’s for harassment.

“Who is he?”

Marie paused pouring a mug to glance at Elena, confused by the sudden question. “Huh? Oh, I don‘t know, another dirty old man clearly.”

“Nooo,” Elena looked pointedly at Marie, her ruby red lips plumping into a tight ‘o.’ “Who’s got you daydreaming and out of it like that? I haven’t heard you give some poor drunk a good smack talk all night.” Marie pursed her lips. Elena immediately pointed a long, equally ruby red fingernail at her. “And that! You keep pursing your lips like that!” Elena’s amber eyes widened exaggeratedly. “Who did you kiss?”

Funny you would ask that, Marie thought sardonically. For the hundredth time that night, her mind reels back to the taste of strawberries and cigarettes, and carefree eyes so blue, she could drown in them. All at once, she is once again engulfed by strong, sure arms, and the heady smell of sandalwood.

And the lovely sight of the woman in front of her pressed against the very man she can’t seem to shake off her system.

Then Marie remembers the letter she received just that morning. Nile’s remarkably careful handwriting, and his smitten words resurfaced in her mind’s eye. Despite the cheesy—not to mention incessant—flirting. Marie certainly never thought Nile had such profound emotions for her. She’d be lying if she said that his confession wasn’t affecting her opinion of him.

Marie smiled, conniving. “I have an admirer.”

Elena was extremely intrigued. “Well? Spill! Who is it?”

The ginger girl smirked. “Guess.”

Before Elena could even speak the name, Marie went ahead and sashayed away from the ravenette, a tray of ale on hand. She knew what name Elena would answer. And she’d be right.

But she didn’t want to think about Nile, nor his tall friend’s irresistible dimpled smile.

So the barmaid bent down to serve mugs of ale and beer at a particularly loud table of drunk garrison soldiers—clearly drinking on duty if the presence of their uniforms were anything to go by– when she was startled out of her reverie by the bawdy laughter of drunks and the hard smack of a man’s hand against her rump. “Is this ass on the menu, girly?”

Marie whirled around, flinging an enraged hand to slap against the wretched bastard’s head, when the surly red-faced soldier caught her hands. They were unbelievably small and weak against his bruising grip. Marie gritted her teeth against the man’s sour ale-breath, and her own pounding heart. She could feel the lecherous eyes of the drunk’s buddies, laughing like predators baring their teeth. It was a busy night, and no one would bat an eye at a barmaid getting harassed in a tavern. She felt like a trapped deer, surrounded by lions in their very lair.

The soldier leaned dangerously close, almost like he’s sniffing her fear out. He tutted at Marie’s stricken face. “Tsk. Tsk. Good little girls don‘t hit their betters.”

Marie, very much a woman of spunk and grit, steeled her resolve.

She was going to give this motherfucker a nasty head-butt.

But she was never able to. Many things happened all at once– a sudden, strong force pushed the man back, making him crash against his group’s heavy wooden table.

He stumbled back, shocked and winded. Her harasser’s friends all shot up from their seats at the commotion, barstools clattering to the ground from the sudden movement.

Marie was pulled back into a solid chest, a firm arm anchoring her there; safe.

“The sign was right. This is Titan territory. This place stinks of one.”

The ginger girl strained her neck up to gape at the tall, imposing form of the very man who’s been haunting her thoughts all night. Erwin’s blue eyes barely even acknowledged the woman nestled against his chest. They were solely trained on the bastard coughing on the floor. Marie shivered. Erwin Smith looked cold and wicked.

Like the Devil passing judgement.

The drunk man whipped his head up, a menacing snarl distorting his red face as he clambered up off his ass.

“What was that, boy?”

“Just an observation.” Erwin sounded almost like he couldn’t care less if he was talking to a drunk gang of trained Garrison soldiers. Much less that he just shoved one.

The soldier guffawed. “Ho ho! You got some wit to ‘ya, pretty boy! But didn’t your momma teach you to never mess with a Titan’s territory?!” He moved to reach for a disgusted Marie, when his hand was abruptly grabbed and halted by an unshakeable grip.

Nile Dawk’s face was painted with a scowl. His dark eyes shooting daggers at the drunkard.

“Well she ain’t yours, Sergeant Kemper.”

Kemper spluttered, and tore his hand away. “Did we guess that right, sir?” Nile taunted, his eyes alight with the adrenaline in his system pumping for a fight. His gaze briefly caught Marie’s wide-eyed stare, and winked. Marie’s cheeks went hot.

“And?! I’m a known soldier! What’s a couple of backwater punks gonna do, huh?” Kemper and his friends were just about ready to start a brawl, when Mike stepped in—knuckles cracking, nose sniffing out blood, his massive bulk intimidating. One look at the giant told them that he could sweep them all out, no problem.

Mike just grunted. “A hell of a whole lot, actually.”

Kemper very nearly whimpered like a kicked dog.

“I’m sure Captain Brezenska* wouldn’t like to hear reports of his men gallivanting around with barmaids, while drunk on duty and in uniform, yes?’’ It was Erwin who dealt that final blow. And just like that, the men trudged up and out The Territory, a slew of empty threats trailing in their wake.

Marie sighed. Relieved that what would have been a messy fight, was diffused.

Then Marie broke out of the arm holding her, and turned on Erwin. “Are you out of your mind?! You could’ve caused those men to seriously hurt you! Those are full-fledged soldiers. What if a brawl broke out? We’d all be banned from here!”

Erwin was taken aback. He certainly didn’t expect this response from a girl he just saved.

Nile immediately stepped in, holding his hands up. “Relax, Marie! My wingman here was just making sure those bastards knew not to mess with my girl!” Nile had an arm hooked around Erwin, and was grinning flirtatiously at her when Mike joked lowly.

“You better pee around her then, if you don’t want the wolves scenting your territory!”

Erwin and Nile froze, wide eyes boring into Mike’s careless, smirking, stupid face.

Marie straightened up, like a feline rearing her claws. A single perfect eyebrow arched high on her forehead.

Mike immediately choked on the booming laughter bubbling up in his throat, and stuttered out a cough and an apology– clearly forgetting that he was in the presence of a lady.

Although Nile and Erwin didn’t miss how Marie—this feisty, pretty little thing—singlehandedly brought a man who just threatened a group of drunks with just the sight of him, to a sheepish stutter. Marie decided then to let the comment slide. The man did just drive her harassers away.

Then like a cruel reminder, Elena’s full voice rang out. “Looks like my favorite customer decided to pay a visit!”

As is usually the case where Erwin and Elena are involved, Marie resisted the urge to roll her eyes back into her skull. The voluptuous brunette sashayed over to Erwin, who had one of his cheeky smiles playing around his lips. His dark blue eyes sending a naughty promise.

Mike brotherly clapped Erwin’s back. “Guess that’s my cue too.” He asks Elena, “Is that cutie Charley around? I heard I’m her favorite customer,” Mike smirked. Elena laughed, and pointed to where the tiny blond barmaid Mike was fooling around with last time was. When Mike left, Elena turned to Marie with a knowing look in her eye. “Let Erwin and I leave you two alone,” her red lips purred.

Marie was beginning to loathe that shade of red lipstick.

And was it just Marie, or was her perfume more nauseating than usual?

Nile stepped towards Marie, and nodded at his friend. “Go ahead man, knock yourself out, I got her.”

Erwin chuckled at the heart eyes his poor friend was making at the girl beside him, who was none the wiser.

None the wiser, because Erwin knew that longing look on Marie’s face only meant that her mind was back at that charming apartment of hers too.

His calloused hands around her waist, her moans in his mouth.

Bright hazel eyes met deep blue ones. For a flicker of a moment, neither Marie nor Erwin wanted the other to go.

But just for a flicker.

“We’re not carrying you home again if you get shit-faced, Nile!” Erwin called to his friend, before he left with his hand against Elena’s back.

And like a bad omen, Marie watched Erwin’s broad back go.

“Again?”

Marie turned to Nile, her arms crossed, and one hip jutted out in amusement. She was smiling prettily at the man, whose rugged looks blushed crimson under her bright hazel eyes’ scrutiny. Nile rubbed the back of his neck and looked away, “Smith doesn’t know what the hell he’s talking about.” Marie laughed; a carefree, happy sound.

It absolutely captured Nile’s heart.

“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow, walking back to the bar to settle more orders. Nile followed her, leaning against the countertop as he watched the pretty barmaid go about her work. “Heck yeah,” Nile flashed her a megawatt smile. “That bastard doesn’t even get back to the barracks until after sunrise whenever he makes a go for one of his chicks.” Marie’s heart sank. “Is he always chasing after girls?” she huffed.

Nile blinked, then looked to where Erwin was. Marie followed his gaze, and found Elena all but giving the handsome blonde a lap dance.

Erwin seemed to be enjoying himself.

Marie’s eyes went to slits again. Nile saw this, and took it as another case of girls being so oddly protective of their girlfriends. The ravenette shook his head, “Erwin is a good man. He’s like a brother to me. He likes to play around sure, but I’ve never met a man with more honor. He’s much too gentlemanly to fuck your friend like a common whore.” Nile chuckled, “And besides, it’s the girls who chase after Erwin…”

Nile trailed off, his lips setting into a line when he saw the warmth that came over the look in Marie’s eyes.

Nile’s long fingers held Marie’s chin and moved her gaze back to him.

“But I’m not here to talk about Erwin.”

Tender hazel eyes became playful.

Meanwhile, Nile’s silver ones crinkled at the edges at the sound of Marie’s sweet voice saying, “What then, Cadet Dawk?” Marie hadn’t realized how close Nile was. And just like the last time she was this close to the man, she could see the thick dark lashes framing the Nile’s light eyes. Except that now Marie saw how those eyes, paired with his high cheekbones, made Nile look like a dark elven sprite come to cause mischief upon mortals.

Marie recalled the letter he sent her, and thought it fitting that this dark sprite would write such enchanting words. She still didn’t know what sorcery came over her that she was half-bewitched by this man’s one letter.

Nile carded his hands through his unruly dark locks, willing his beating heart to calm down. Sweet Sina she’s adorable, he thought.

There was so much Nile wanted to tell Marie. How he woke up every single day looking forward to the next time he’ll see her, thinking of all the little details of himself he wanted to let her know…

As much as he’d like to know all the little details she could ever offer him.

Yet, the poor guy could only splutter out a shaky and ineloquent “I-I… uhh, did you get my letter?”

Marie’s lips quirked up to a girlish giggle. If his letter was anything to go by, Marie knew Nile’s intentions had far more depth than that. Marie grinned while a lingering thought remained in her mind—this is a far cry from the Nile she read in that letter.

Perhaps Nile Dawk is more of a poet than a Romeo, Marie mused.

“I did. And you really are too sweet, Nile. I don‘t know what to say. I didn’t know you felt that way.”

Nile immediately sucked in a breath, gasping out, “Of course I do! I—I couldn’t get my mind off of you. ” He winced. He sounded like an idiot. Like a desperate schoolboy talking to his first crush.

Not at all like the charming and suave man those letters made him out to be. It got Nile thinking that maybe he overestimated Erwin’s way with words a tad bit too much. But instead of making him feel like an absolute fool for it, Marie laughed good naturedly at his response.

“Cat got your tongue?” Marie teased, grinning at his antics. There was something Marie found really quirky about a man being so bold in writing, but so tongue-tied in person.

He’s kinda…cute, Marie realizes.

And like the fates deciding a destiny sealed shut and done, Nile felt his heart give a finalizing beat that this woman would be the woman he’d spend the rest of his days with.

Nile gave a relaxed, even relieved smile, and took Marie’s soft hand.

He brought it to his lips, and kissed the delicate, milky flesh.

Marie bit her lip as her cheeks burned red at the feel of his stubble grazing her hand. Nile’s silver eyes flashed up at her, and grinned boyishly, “I‘m more of a man of action.”

I got her.

The words echoed in Erwin’s head like a threat.

I got her.

The Territory’s lowlighting only accentuated the sharp planes of Erwin’s scowling face. Elena had left to get him his fourth glass of whiskey—on the rocks, just the way he liked it—after the very welcome distraction the minx gave him. If it weren’t for the woman draping herself all over his lap, her luscious dark hair entangled around his fingers, he would’ve probably not have stopped himself from moping longingly—not unlike what he was doing now– at the sight of his best friend making his Marie giggle.

His Marie?

Erwin dragged a hand over his face. His thick eyebrows scrunched together, as he felt a dull throb slowly form in his head. He needed a cigarette.

She isn’t MY Marie, Erwin scolded himself. He took out a joint, lit it up, and held it to his lips like muscle memory. He took in a deep drag, and watched Marie throw back her wild ginger curls in a fit of laughter, her freckled cheeks blooming almost as crimson as her hair. She’s been amusing herself with Nile’s puppy dog flirtation for a good hour now.

“Go ahead man, knock yourself out, I got her,” Nile’s voice intruded his thoughts like a restless conscience.

No, Marie was never his. Erwin narrowed his eyes at the indulgent smile on Marie’s lips, as if she were cooing at his friend like a child, and wondered—

Perhaps Marie did not belong to anyone.

Erwin’s mind reels back to when he and Nile were just writing that first letter he left in Marie’s doorjamb….

It was an ungodly hour to still be awake in the barracks, but Nile took it upon himself to invade Erwin’s bunk with a pen and paper and a candle enough to last an hour. So now Erwin found himself with his copy of the Blue Book* against his thigh, the piece of paper atop it, and Nile practically moaning to him all the sappy little details of his love for a certain freckled ginger in the candlelight.

Mike was in his own bunk above Erwin‘s, pretending to have fallen asleep.

There was no way in hell he was gonna volunteer his ears for Nile’s emotional masturbation.

Erwin groaned, “Nile, do you know how physically painful it is to listen to you right now?”

“Why can’t I just tell her how much I wanna kiss her? How much I wanna give her the moon and the stars? How she’s literally my dream girl and how I swear to Sina, I’m gonna marry her?” Erwin rolled his eyes at that; Nile wants to marry every girl he ‘falls in love’ with.

“…Isn’t that the sort of thing girls want to hear?” Nile was truly perplexed, the poor bastard.

Erwin winced at his friend.

Mike couldn’t help it. “Sure, if she’s a goddamn fifteen year old virgin!” he called down from his bunk.

“Oi! I thought you were asleep!” Nile hissed, prompting Mike to start fake snoring again.

Erwin gave an exhausted sigh. It was late, he wanted to sleep. “Didn’t I tell you? Marie’s a full grown woman. That sort of flattery isn’t going to work on her anymore. She isn’t going to entertain just because you tell her how much you want her, you gotta make her realize how much she wants you.”

Nile looked skeptical. “Alright then, Eyebrows. How would you do it?”

Blue eyes looked into the dancing flame of the candle at his trunk, his pen poised upon the paper.

“I would tell her how I notice all her little details—her curls, her eyes, the way she throws her head back when she laughs—and how they made me feel like a fool the first moment I saw them.” Erwin’s lips quirked up as he continued to look into the flame, “But most of all, I’d talk about her mind, her heart…”

Nile felt his teeth grind, and the muscles in his jaw twitch.

Mike stopped snoring; wide awake now.

They waited. Erwin continued, a glazed look still in his eyes.

“…How a woman like her makes me want to devote my very life to her.”

“Woah, don’t lose your cool, Wingman.”

Mike’s gruff voice pulled Erwin out of his reverie, as his friend joined him where he was leaning against the bar top.

He probably already got bored of his girl, Erwin thought.

Mike was already holding his own glass of bourbon in one hand, cigarette in the other. The larger man nudged the hand holding the joint at Erwin for the lighter. Erwin wordlessly held out the light, and Mike placed the stick against the flame.

It’s always been like this with Mike. The two moved together with a wordless sense of trust and understanding; as seamlessly as a well-oiled machine.

“What happened to ‘Tomcat’?” Erwin chuckled, as he smoked with his friend. Mike just smirked, “Nah, you’re the Wingman now. Derek’s the Tomcat, more like. Müller certainly thinks so. Besides,” his green eyes slid over to Erwin’s hunched over form. “I think you’re losing your mojo.”

Erwin laughed out loud at that, a few curious heads turning to the handsome man throwing his blonde head back. Erwin’s broad shoulders straightened into their usual confident set. “You’re full of absolute bullshit Zacharias, that’s what I think.” He cocked a thick eyebrow at Mike’s scoffing, shaking head, “And it’s Müller’s daughter who thinks that. Müller thinks Derek’s a rodent he has to kill.” Erwin inhales a drag, “And like most pests, he’s a bitch to get rid of.”

Mike just hummed observantly, taking a sip of his bourbon. “Well, can you blame him? Your brother’s fighting for the woman he loves. That’s more than you seem to have the balls for.”

Erwin was silent.

The two men continued to watch their friend try to make Marie take a break, and sit down for a drink with him. She only just deflected him for the fifth time that night.

Mike sighed and placed a firm hand on Erwin’s shoulder. “Look, a bastard like me is in no place to tell you how to love– that just isn’t my thing. And Marie’s a special girl, I can tell.”

Erwin glanced sharply at the taller man.

Mike rolls his eyes, “Don’t worry!” Then hastily adds with clear exasperation, “She ain’t my type! But writing those letters?” Mike motions his head to Nile and Marie across the room.

“It’s going to hurt you, brother.”

Mike started swirling the bourbon in his glass, contemplating. “I understand that you do it out of love for our friend, but this can hurt Nile just as much. You had better pick a side, Smith. This woman, or your friend?” Mike threw back his drink in one swift gulp.

“But either way, it’s going to break your heart.”

Erwin blinked at Mike.

Then he chuckles warmly, a hand flicking away his blonde hair.

He’s always known that Mike was as keen as they come, but…

“Since when were you so wise, Bloodhound?

A/N: AND THIS IS THE PART WHERE I RAMBLE AND DON’T HAVE TO WRITE PROPERLY LMAO

Captain Brezenska - I always had this headcanon that Rico comes from a military family, considering how seriously she takes her job as a Garrison soldier compared to her peers. Not to mention how she seems to have risen through the ranks as Captain despite looking quite young. I imagine, unlike the Survey Corps, you’ll need YEARS of experience to become an Elite Squad captain in the Garrison, since well… a third of the regiment doesn’t die every three months lol. So the Captain Brezenska mentioned here is Rico’s father!

The Blue Book- Another headcanon! The US Army calls their official guide to military training and maneuvers as “The Blue Book.” I think it made sense for the Cadet Corps to make use of a ‘Blue Book’ for its trainees as well.

That’s all for now! I’m working on a shit ton of other projects rn (I’m a commissioning artist hihihuhuhu) Not to mention c o l l e g e (ugh.) So Chapter 6 might take a while huhu.

In the meantime, I would love love love to interact with you lovelies, since I missed ya’ll sooo much! You can go hit me up here anytime! Or even at my ig: @artexmaria where I post a lot of my art, AND where I may or may not post my Derek Smith art if anyone’s wondering about Erwin’s hot old brother *winkwink.* Y’all can also find me on AO3 as RosemaryTumbleweed <3

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exsanguisdraconis · 4 years

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i don’t have a blog for this so even tho i’m supposed to be fixing this blog up and getting active i’m going to use this blog to viciously complain about HBO’s His Dark Materials. the below opinions are overwhelmingly negative so if you aren’t interested in that, don’t read it.

I just... don’t understand these writers. I feel like over the course of the five episodes we’ve had that I’ve been very laid back. My expectations were high, I’ll admit that, because I needed SOMETHING to save me from the absolute shit tornado that was The Secret Commonwealth. I needed some good HDM to lift me up from that low and I was counting on the show. Maybe that was unfair.

To start off with some good things the show, for the most part, looks really nice. Most of the actors are really good. I was pleasantly surprised about the number of POC in the cast. The daemons, though not focused on nearly enough, still look really nice. Ruth Wilson is phenomenal in her role as Mrs. Coulter and even in the couple of scenes where I was like “why did they add this to her character” Ruth acts it out so well I’m happy to just accept it. I think this show is adding in a lot of the complexity to her character that Pullman always wanted, and given she was one of my first “older villain woman I definitely shouldn’t be in love with but am” crushes in media I’m thrilled about that.

My main problem with the show is that it’s---boring. And it’s ridiculously frustrating because it feels like you have to put effort into making it so bland and dry.

The newest episode is an absolute train wreck that lumps together all the minor issues I’ve had with the show into one big pile of shit.

First off I’ve never seen Dafne Keen in anything else. I don’t know if she’s a good actress. I know that in this, she’s really really bad. Even when they put her in emotional scenes, her inability to act like she has real human emotions sucks the life out of them. When Coram was recounting the story of his lost son in the last episode I went from being a little choked up to almost laughing with how much it just didn’t seem like Lyra gave a fuck. Her delivery is so monotone that it just zaps the feeling out of everything she touches.

Secondly what the fuck happened with Billy Costa. Or more specifically what the fuck happened with how they chose to handle the scenes with Billy. The death of Billy, the reactions of people toward him, the dialogue from Iorek, these are some of the most interesting parts of the book. But rather than having Lyra ask, get denied, and then ask Iorek to take her anyway, whisking her off into the night and encountering the witches and creeping into the fishing village where they’re met with terrified villagers... they spend several scenes with Lyra just asking people if she can go. And it’s not even heated argument or charming wit. It’s just “I want to go” and “No it’s out of the way and too dangerous.” Over and over again.

This really hits on a big problem I have with a lot of media right now where they want to tell me something rather than show it. Usually because that’s the cheaper route of doing things. I get it. The bear is probably difficult and costly to animate... however, why have him IN the show at all if he doesn’t get to be a proper character with proper emotional building scenes. I would have much rather them cut that scene where he’s just giving exposition on bears to Lyra in favor of him telling Lyra about the witches going to war and shaming the people for not having Lyra’s bravery in dealing with Billy Costa. Because those are scenes that tell us something about Iorek the character, and that’s always going to mean more than general lore about Svalbard’s bears.

You see it doesn’t mean anything to me to hear the words “it’s dangerous” or “something is really wrong here” and then not.... see it. The scene with Billy is meant to turn your stomach. You’re supposed to think “who the fuck are these people mutilating children in this way” as Billy repeatedly clings to a dead, dried fish and vacantly asks “where’s Ratta” over and over. And something that adds to that revulsion is seeing how other people treat this small, innocent, injured child. It’s not with compassion and sadness. People are AFRAID of Billy. They don’t want to look at him or touch him. The fishermen beg for Iorek and Lyra to come and relieve them of this evil being. They have no compassion for this child, no outrage for what has been done to him. All they have is fear.

And maybe I missed Iorek’s iconic “when I’m afraid I will master my fear” but I’ve watched the episode through twice and haven’t found HIM saying it first. So Lyra not wanting to look like a coward in front of him, and Lyra mastering her fear in favor of compassion for Billy means NOTHING. Because it wasn’t in the show. There was no scene where Lyra sees that Billy’s daemon substitute has been ripped from his dead hands and she flies into a rage at the utter disrespect of the people around her. There’s no scene where she gives him the coin with Ratta’s name scratched out in an attempt to give him that dignity and respect that was ripped from him before he died. So what did we get to replace these deeply emotional and telling scenes? Two sing-a-longs from people that can’t goddamn sing.

The thing about these scenes is they’re very straight forward, and we don’t care enough about Ma Costa or John Fa to care that they’re sad. At most they tell us “the Gyptian people are united” but we’ve already seen that. It was the FIRST thing they showed us about them. What we haven’t seen yet in this show is Lyra’s character development. Where Lyra starts to go from a pigheaded, selfish child into a more mature and compassionate person. These scenes rob the situation of deeper meaning. Because we KNOW Billy’s mom is sad, we don’t necessarily need to see it. The story isn’t about her or John Fa. The story is about Lyra, and by cutting more meaningful scenes where she deals with Billy and shows him compassion, and instead just showing her be a little sad at his grave side... it feels flat and emotionless. I didn’t feel sickened or sad for Billy.

I’ve read the books over a dozen times, and out of the series I feel like The Golden Compass/Northern Lights is the most special. It is paced well and filled to the brim with interesting characters and when things happen they happen for a reason. The show is making cheap shots at my emotions by showing a crying mother and honestly it’s bouncing off the rim.

To be clear I WANT this show to work. I felt like episode 4 was perfect. I had absolutely no complaints aside from Lin-Manuel Miranda’s painful attempt at a southern accent. I LIKE that they’re showing a bit of Will’s backstory rather than try and juggle flashbacks or exposition in season 2 (if they get a s2 and I don’t think they will unfortunately). In fact, it seems like most of the scenes they add in for themselves, most of the details they insert, actually have a lot of depth and feeling. Mrs. Coulter’s relationship with her daemon and her scenes of dialogue that hint at her self loathing is brilliant. The scene where Tony and his friend break into her home in defiance of Ma Costa and the others is exciting and emotional.

Third and finally I just feel like this show is trying too hard to say “I’m not the movie.” First off, I don’t think The Golden Compass was a terrible movie. There are a lot of things I don’t like, but when I think of a terrible remake I think of Gerard Butler playing the Phantom of the Opera and the train wreck into a flaming pile of dumpsters that entire movie was. And I think this show is trying so hard to avoid certain lines and scenes that were in the movie that it’s killing some of the best content from the book that they could pull from. The big problems with the movie didn’t have anything to do with the dialogue or source material, but rather pacing, acting, and set design choices that were made.

Idk. I hope we get a season 2 and I also kinda don’t care. Because if this is what they’re going to do with The Golden Compass I’m a little worried about what they’ll wind up doing with the other books in the series. And I feel bad because I genuinely like His Dark Materials, I even really enjoyed La Belle Savage. Sure the newest book was.... bad. Really bad, but at the very least the first three books of His Dark Materials deserve a really good show or movie and I feel like between some of the direction choices and Dafne’s acting (which I’m not entirely certain isn’t due to choices from the directors) in some ways this show is way, way worse than the movie ever was.

#his dark materials #spoilers #his dark materials spoilers #hdm spoilers #negativity and criticism here as an fyi

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