i-guess-im-into-this-now

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E18 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - master strategist

Pairin - one of the princesses at Verdigris House

Luomen - Maomao's physician father

Meimei: one of the princesses of Verdigris House

Suirei: court lady who doesn't like Maomao

Woah. Okay so that's a loaded exchange.

Jinshi: How does one decrease the value of a courtesan? Maomao: In the case of pregnancy, it would reduce it to nearly zero.

There are 7 seconds of silence in this show after that. Yes, I used a stopwatch to time it. That is a freaking insane pause.

Jinshi makes a move to... I don't know exactly, reach out maybe? Reassure Maomao that he's not planning on doing this? I'm not sure. There is a shit ton of subtext to this conversation, that I'm not sure I have completely figured out but I will try.

Jinshi is the more obviously bothered by this statement, by a lot. Maomao is just observing to see how Jinshi responds to it. Essentially what she says is that a man could rape a courtesan and impregnant her to bring her value down, to ruin her. It would bring her value so low that anyone could afford to buy out her contract at that point. Jinshi has not provided any context to why he asked this question, and Maomao is studying him closely to see what he does with the information. I don't believe she thinks he would do this personally to a courtesan, or she wouldn't have told him. But as it appears, they've arrived at a brothel where Jinshi stopped her before going inside to ask this very fucked up question. She has to at least examine the possibility that she is wrong about Jinshi. And I think he passes her scrutiny, but not without damage done. She's disappointed that he is planning on going into this brothel, and that he asked such a depraved question. It hits particularly hard, because just prior to this they were having a nice moment where she opened up about her father. Now she is likely backtracking, either wondering why she bothered, or scolding herself for behaving inappropriately.

As for Jinshi in this scene, he hasn't revealed why he wants the answer to this particular question so badly. But boy does he want it. He let himself and Maomao fall into Lakan's trap just so that Lakan would tell him the answer. But Lakan didn't answer. Instead Jinshi asks Maomao, knowing that the question is inappropriate. He risks damaging the regard between the two of them so that he can get this answer. He's risking widening the rift between them. But why? What use is this answer to Jinshi? Does this have to do with the story Lakan told? Is he concerned about what may have happened to a courtesan in the past? To Maomao's mother? Is there a courtesan in the present that Jinshi is concerned about? Who can say.

In any case, Jinshi can see the damage that asking it has caused. He tries, I think, to backtrack, but it's too late. Maomao is retreating from him. She wants to flee, this conversation hurts for reasons she doesn't want to examine. Thank god Jinshi is emotionally intuitive. He can't let her walk away like this. The rift between them is too large, there is no telling if it could even be fixed if she leaves now. Jinshi grabs her arm.

Jinshi: You're leaving me now?

Maomao explains that her presence would compromise whatever plans he has in the restaurant. And Jinshi has to agree that makes sense, even if he can't put into thoughts or words why his heart is breaking right now.

Jinshi's critical error in this moment is that he is trying to keep Maomao out of what he's up to. He wants to protect her from whatever he's involved in, yet doing so is harmful too. He never tells her why he is visiting this place. He never explains why he asked the question. She is left to fill in the blanks with her own assumptions, with devastating results. In his effort to protect Maomao, Jinshi has harmed her. Jinshi cares for Maomao, but he hasn't learned to fully trust or respect her. And there will never be a relationship without trust. He's still got a lot of work to do before a real relationship can happen.

Maomao: It's fine. I didn't show any emotion when I spoke.

Maomao!!!

Her heart is breaking here too. I'm only surprised she is willing to admit it to herself. Perhaps the anguish of this moment has become too great to deny? For as sad as this scene is, that Maomao is aware and acknowledging her emotions is a major breakthrough! I suspect she's in for some painful moments now that she has to feel her pain, but you can't heal what you don't feel. She's on a path of healing now! Yay!

Oh my god, she even turned around to watch him walk into the building. So good Maomao. You're doing great girl!

Maomao: I truly hope you enjoy your evening good sir.

Maomao you dirty little liar!

Okay so maybe we only get to see a tiny step forward for Maomao, but a tiny step is still progress! I'm just so happy to see anything that pokes past the impasse that Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at for ages.

The fuck kind of nightmare was that?! No wonder Maomao doesn't like to feel her emotions if she gets horrible flashbacks. Was she the baby in that scene? It looked like someone who was horribly injured tried to kill a baby. Apparently they couldn't go through with it. Was this Maomao's courtesan mother? Was she burned or scarred in someway? Perhaps to bring down her value? Or was the baby the product of rape? Was she trying to get rid of the baby to allow her to what? Return to being a courtesan? Seems unlikely with the injuries. Because she hates how the baby was conceived? Because the baby reminds her of the man who did this to her? Maybe to kill the baby so it couldn't be abused by someone else? Maybe because the woman in the scene was planning to kill herself after killing the baby?

Maomao looks at her hand, then thinks about the conversation she had with Jinshi yesterday. She then says of the nightmare that she brought it up. So there is a connection between the conversation and the nightmare. I'm guessing that what Jinshi asked about is exactly what happened to Maomao's mother, which triggered her memory. Why look at her hand? Does this have anything to do with her bandaged arm? Does the neglect or abuse of her mother have something to do with Maomao's low self-worth and the reason she is willing to self harm for her experiments? Or is she looking at her hand just to ground herself in reality, to try to fight back the traumatic memories?

After being awoken by her nightmare, Maomao is comforted by the familiar sight and routine of her father working in the apothecary. He asks her to take a package to Verdigris House.

This is maybe as good a time as any to ponder if Maomao's connection with Verdigris House is greater than that of an apothecary. I mean clearly it is, she considers the people here to be her family. But could she have had blood family that lived here as well? Was her mother one of the courtesans? I think that has been hinted at fairly strongly now.

Maomao is welcomed back with open arms. I'm so glad too see it. When was the last time someone gave Maomao a hug? Was it the last time she was here at the brothel?

Pairin is being harassed by granny to make a choice on something, and Maomao uses the opportunity to sneak away.

Pairin: Is she going to the annex?

I fricking hope so! I've been waiting for this!

Okay, so the annex is part of Verdigris House. And it looks identical to the room in Maomao's nightmare. So this must be where Maomao's mother lived. Perhaps where she died. And Maomao lived here, at least as an infant. How did she end up with Luomen?

Oh shit! Her mother is still alive?! But in a terrible state. She has some terrible illness. And it's not confirmed that this is her mother, but isn't it implied? Either way, Maomao used to be chased out of here by this angry person though it seems she no longer has the energy.

And hold on, I remember a scene from the last time Maomao was in the Verdigris House where granny asked her to tend to what I thought was just an ill courtesan, but perhaps it was this person in the annex.

Maomao's mother patient seems to be in the end stages of her illness. She no longer has energy to even speak. Luomen's once effective treatments don't offer relief, and there is nothing more that can be done. Though she may have been dealing with her decline for a long time Maomao will soon have to deal with the death of her mother. This may not be a healthy relationship, but there will still be grief. We grieve for people even when it's complicated. We also grieve what could have been, what never was. And there is never a good time to lose someone, but certainly some times are worse than others. Much of Maomao's life is uncertain right now, and she just took an emotional blow from her interaction with Jinshi, causing her to dip into the emotions she tries to avoid, now this on top of it. When it rains, it pours.

There is a troublesome customer visiting the Verdigris House. Meimei has been tasked to meet him. How foreboding. It couldn't be Lakan could it? His history with courtesans makes me ill.

Okay so maybe this lady isn't Maomao's mother, maybe she is. Maomao explains that the woman has syphilis. At least Verdigris House takes care of their own. I love that. Luomen may have been able to do something for this woman if he had arrived to serve the brothel during an earlier stage of the illness. There is a flashback here, where we get a glimpse of young Maomao in the brothel. No one trusted the eunuch doctor from no where, even if he could have done something. After contracting syphilis, the lady had to go on serving customers until the sores spread over her whole body, and she was locked up in the annex.

The woman tried to hum a tune, but is unable to to speak. I wonder if Maomao recognizes it.

Little girl: Big sis wanted you to know that the weirdo with the monocle is here, so you should avoid going out there for awhile.

Oh no! It is Lakan! Why is this little girl telling Maomao specifically so she can avoid him? Does he have a history with Maomao at the brothel? I'm trying to recall all of the things that Lakan said about the courtesan he used to visit at Verdigris House. That he could beat her at shogi, but not go. That she never sold herself but that she had an arrogant expression... I mean, I could be looking into it too much, but that... could be Maomao? Did she work as a courtesan here before? Is this why Jinshi is so determined to find out how someone might have reduced the price of a courtesan?! Did he know she used to work here? Does he worry that something terrible has happened to Maomao here? DID IT! Oh my god! It would explain so much about her fear of working as a courtesan, and her trauma. What the fuck happened in this brothel?! And who all knows about it! I demand answers!

I'm going to pull it back a little bit, and return to an earlier theory that Lakan is actually Maomao's biological father. He may have a history with Maomao at the brothel but that may be as a man who was somewhat interested in the daughter he fathered. Understandably, Maomao wants nothing to do with him. We learn here that Maomao knows who Lakan is though. Thank god they didn't run into each other in the palace. Can she really go on avoiding him? He can follow her in the palace or in the Pleasure District.

Maomao refers to Lakan as a long time customer of the Verdigris House, an old acquaintance, but that if she just stays put in the annex, she won't run into him. Okay, but tell me why you don't want to run into him....

Maomao has had a rough day. She's still reeling from her conversation with Jinshi and now she has been trapped all day in the annex with a woman who maybe hates her, so that she can avoid Lakan. She's had nothing to do but think about all the really painful emotions that she usually stays busy to avoid. Meimei finds Maomao hiding out in the annex, and lets her know that Lakan has left. Apparently he has brough up an offer for Maomao?! Maomao hates it, and so do I!

Maomao worries that if she didn't have her job that the madam of Verdigris House would have sold her off to Lakan by now. She thinks that Lakan's interest is the main reason that the madam wants her to become a courtesan. So Lakan is a major contributing factor to why Maomao is so fiercely opposed to being a courtesan. Her terror takes on a new shade of meaning now. If only we knew what has transpired between Maomao and Lakan in the past, we could understand.

Meimei has been given offers to leave the brothel, but has as yet turned them all down. She's getting close to retirement age, but isn't ready for that yet. Maomao asks why she doesn't just leave? To Maomao the freedom to choose would be preferrable to any offer that a customer could make. Maomao thinks that Meimei is holding out for love. Perhaps she is in love with someone already, and is waiting for an offer from that person.

Maomao: Maybe it's love. But if that's the case. It's not a rabbit hole I want to delve into. That's an emotion I'm sure I left behind. Back in the womb of the woman who birthed me.

Nearly every example of romantic love that Maomao has is heartbreaking. She's seen heartbreak after heartbreak in the brothel, with courtesans having promises made to them, and then broken. We don't know the story of her parents, but if her mother is the dying woman in the annex, or if she has died already, then then there is heartbreak in her story as well. Even the concubines in the palace don't have the love of the emperor, instead they merely battle for his attention and favor. The sole example she has seen is that of the concubine who was able to escape the Rear Palace when her military beau was able to secure her release.

Maomao is not open to the idea of love, in fact it is something she tries to avoid, disdains even. This view of love is one of the reasons we have seen her repeatedly shut down any tender emotion she's had, and why she is so willing to read any other explanation when love is directed at herself. And she tells us here, that it stems from her parents. How is she ever going to trust someone enough to love them and be loved in return?

And what a way to talk about one's own mother. "The woman who birthed me." So there is a story there. It sounds like one of abandonment, neglect or abuse, as we've already guessed.

The princesses want to pamper Maomao, and she adores the attention. This girl is so touch starved. I wondered about Maomao's need for physical touch, way back in episode 2 when Jinshi touched Maomao's hair and breathed on her neck. He did it in an effort to try to seduce her, but her reaction was interesting. She didn't get disgusted or freaked out as she did with his flirting. She just kind of let it happen. Now we see it with the courtesans that she considers family. Meimei is scrubbing Maomao's back and she is relaxed and smiling. The courtesans love Maomao so much, I wish she could have this kind of affection all the time.

Hard transition to Jinshi. A man who maybe has never had a hug in his life, except for the back hug he stole from Maomao when he was drunk. He's regretting that his date went so terribly, he didn't mean to give the impression to Maomao that he was trying to hook up with someone. He tells us that it definitely wasn't what he traveled there for, which is really unnecessary. No one who has been watching this show believed he was. I would like for him to tell us what he was up to though.

Maomao has retuned to Jinshi's residence, and Jinshi steels himself to face her. He's embarrassed and knows he's once again put space between them, when all he wants to do is find a way to get closer. Plus, it looks like he's carrying that jug of... beverage that Lakan left. He presents it as a present from a weirdo. Their conversation lacks all of the usual banter, and is perfectly polite, which for these two is a disaster. Jinshi watches her walk away. He's not sure where to even begin to repair this. He's frustrated. Maomao is doing her best to pretend like Jinshi already left. Gaoshun is there listening closely. Suiren is there watching Maomao and wondering what has changed, but knows it's some bullshit because she says:

Suiren: For goodness' sake.

Yeah Suiren. I feel that in my bones. But when I say it there is usually an F bomb in there somewhere.

Maomao is having very complicated feelings about having seen her mother the woman in the annex. It's distracting her from her work. It seems bad, but it's a good sign that Maomao is starting to face her emotions and try to process them, rather than avoid them.

Suiren thinks Maomao's distraction has to do with the master of the residence so she decides it's time to say something. Suiren realizes that hints and subtly don't work so well for Maomao when it comes to herself. She needs very blunt advice, which Suiren provides.

Suiren encourages Maomao to ask Jinshi for some space for her apothecary supplies.

Suiren: You may appear apathetic, but you're keen. You know where you stand, and how to play the game.

Yes! Call her on her bullshit Suiren!

Suiren: Because somebody was born noble doesn't inherently make them any different from you or me.

She's telling Maomao to quit looking at Jinshi as some lofty official, see him as a person.

Suiren: If you view everything in terms of status, then you'll miss opportunities.

Thank you Suiren! Internalize that Maomao. Put it in your head and keep it there.

Maomao has an errand to run at the court pharmacy, and she's delighted. She'll sparkling here. If only Maomao could be employed here.

The odd court lady that smacked Maomao in the head a few episodes back has arrived. Maomao figures that this lady works in the guard house and handles herbs in her job, which is why she had a bitter smell earlier, here I thought she was on drugs. Maomao ponders why the lady dislikes her so much, when they've had so little interaction.

A little casual classism for flavor. The pharmacist bemoans that the court lady is required to come pick up drugs herself. Then realizes he said it in front of Maomao and tries to back track. It's not okay work for a court lady, but fine for servant. That comment right on the heals of Suiren's much better advice about class.

Maomao discovers that the item she was sent to pick up was potato flour and wonders why Jinshi needs it. She pieces together a few things about Jinshi's actions. She suspects his actions are part of a purification ceremony that would be used to perform ceremonial rights. Something a nobleman might do. Something that would be strange for a eunuch to do. I'm tired of this theme. Moving on.

Gaoshun and Jinshi are trying to piece together the mystery of Luomen, but Jinshi can't stop thinking about how things are so distant and confused between himself and Maomao, right now. And just to make sure Jinshi never gets a moments peace, Lakan arrives.

Lakan is in the same house where Maomao is right now, and on the one hand I'm hoping they don't run into each other for Maomao's well being, but on the other hand, let's get this plot moving along. It's time to throw Maomao to the wolves.

Question: why does Lakan bring his own beverage whenever he visits? Is he afraid of being poisoned?

Jinshi isn't even bothering to hide how irritated he is at this visit. That's telling. And maybe a mistake. Or maybe intentional.

Jinshi: It seems to me, that you had engaged in some dirty trickery. Lakan: How very rude. That's rich to hear from a thief like yourself.

Gasp! Jinshi a thief?! Go on!

Oh no! Lakan really was trying to get Maomao. He spent a decade trying to get Maomao? Maomao who is what? All of 17 or 18 here? Has he been trying to get Maomao out of the brothel since she was a child? With good intentions or bad ones? Lakan feels he's been made a fool. He tell Jinshi he's upset with him over this.

Jinshi is worried, pissed, and oh so intent.

Jinshi: So do you want your prize returned?

I'm fairly certain that Jinshi wouldn't do that, and is just moving the conversation to find out Lakan's intentions.

Lakan: Not quite. I will pay whatever it is you ask.

That's... a hell of a look from Jinshi. So intense! Jinshi fucking hates this guy.

Jinshi: And if I refuse?

Lakan: Well then, I suppose there is nothing I can do is there.

Which is a threat to wreck Jinshi's life! It's a declaration of war. Holy shit!

Lakan: How many people could defy a man of your rank? I could count every single one of them on one hand.

The imperial family maybe? Yup that's it. Jinshi knows that Lakan knows his true identity.

Oh my god. Lakan knows everything!

Lakan: I'm just concerned you know. About what my daughter would think.

He's threatening to expose the truth about Jinshi, and hits him where it hurts the most: Maomao. Jinshi was worried that Maomao may be this man's daughter, and Lakan just confirmed as much.

Jinshi is tense. Hands balled into fists, posture wary, as Lakan asks to meet Maomao. This asshole has been following Maomao. First at the brothel and now to Jinshi's residence.

Everyone one of Lakan's moves were so well played, and Jinshi... is trapped. He once again has to make a choice between the obligations of his station and his own personal desires. He can give this official what he is asking for and go on business as usual, after all what is one servant over another? It would be an easy decision for someone else other than Jinshi, if it were about someone else, other than Maomao.

Jinshi looks deep in thought when he comes upon Maomao while the sun is setting. Is something ending here?

Jinshi addresses Maomao as "apothecary." It's respectful in that it acknowledges her for her skills, she may even like being called this, but it's another sign of the distance between the two. I don't know the last time he called her by her name.

Jinshi seems very nervous to bring this up to Maomao. You can hear the tension in his voice. Unusual for Jinshi, when he is usually bold and shameless when interacting with Maomao. It's a sign of just how precarious things are between the two right now. Also, a sign of just how divided Jinshi is about even bringing this suggestion to Maomao.

Jinshi: There's... an official who wants to meet you sometime soon. ... It's...that weirdo I've been telling you about. His name's... Lakan.

A pause. Then a fricking jump scare of Maomao's intense glare! This glare isn't giving Jinshi chills in the fun way. She looks legit scary. It reminds me of a frightened animal that has been backed into a corner and has no choice left but to fight. Lakan is a line she will not cross. An absolute boundary. With one look she declares that there is nothing she won't do to avoid that meeting.

Jinshi: I'll find a way to let him down gently.

Jinshi, Jinshi, Jinshi.... what the hell are you going to do? If you can't convince Maomao to see Lakan, and you won't force her to do it, then your other choice is to go to war with Lakan.

Jinshi: I've never seen her make a face like that. I never want to see it again. Ever.

I hope he means that as I'm going to do everything I can to keep her protect her from Lakan. I hope this is a turning point for Jinshi, where he chooses Maomao in a real way. I hope he won't waver again on this, allowing Lakan room to maneuver Maomao and himself.

Maomao is distressed that Lakan has found her again. She goes to collect medicinal herbs. A familiar and comforting activity.

She is approached by Suirei who cares for the herb garden near the military officers' part of the palace. Maomao questions what Suirei is growing here and Suirei claims she planting a medicine for resurrection?

Maomao has a VERY strong reaction to that. Who has died in Maomao's life that she is that desperate to get back? A family member? Someone she loved? A patient she couldn't save?

Suirei claims to be joking. What a strange lady. Are we absolutely sure she's not on drugs? The music is unsettling in this scene and so is Suirei. She asks how good of an apothecary Maomao is then tells her she's going to plant morning glories here. I happen to know that those are poisonous! Is Suirei hoping to make a poison? Will she try to get Maomao to do it?

The sun is setting over the palace and the music is ominous. Is something serious about to happen in the next episode?

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Coming soon!

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #jinshi x maomao #jinshi #jinmao #maomao

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

I don't care if you're pro-JC or anti-JC, if you're pro-JGY or anti-JGY. If you're Lan stans or Nie stans or Jiang stans. I really don't care. But, if you fuck with Wei Wuxian, I fuck with you.

We can disagree on everything else, we can argue against each other on those topics anytime and tear each other down in discussions about them.

As long as after all that, we can have polite and cordial conversations about what an absolute gift to the world WWX is, as long as you agree that Wei Wuxian did nothing wrong, ever, I'm cool with you.

#justice for wei wuxian #someone needed to say it #mdzs #wei ying #wei wuxian #mo dao zu shi

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

It will be easier if you abandon all hope and submit to the darkness.

dragged fucking kicking SCREAMING SOBBING INTO THE MXTX ABYSS

#mxtx

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E17 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - master strategist

Basan - an officer who works in the palace

This episode opens with Jinshi asking Maomao for help with makeup, and Suiren decides that this is a great time to leave these two alone. Maomao believes that to make Jinshi any more beautiful would cause men to go to war.

Maomao: If this man in all his heavenly glory were to put on makeup... Are you trying to topple a nation?

Jinshi: Where'd that come from? On second thought, I would rather you don't tell me.

Is he? Not that he's trying to use his looks to do it, but it's an interesting thought. Is Jinshi interested in toppling a nation? Or perhaps dethroning an emperor? What an interesting thing to ponder. Also, is Jinshi worried that Maomao suspects him capable of insurgency?

Jinshi very much cannot afford to be found talking about toppling nations. I'm sure that the people in power who know who he really is, are already keeping an eye on him to see if he will make a play for the throne. Perhaps it is one of the reasons he was sent to manage the Rear Palace. If he makes a single misstep that could be seen as disloyal to the emperor, it would be enough to depose of Jinshi.

Ah! Jinshi wants some freckles! No, he wants to look like a completely different person. I'm sure he has a reason for wanting this disguise, but to Jinshi who has been the target of so much sexual harassment, being able to look common must feel like having a shield. He and Maomao can probably relate on this. Unlike Maomao, Jinshi can't do this regularly, his beauty is a tool that he is required to use. I also don't know that he would choose to change his appearance regularly. Even if he sees his beauty as a curse, I think he's comfortable enough with his appearance that he doesn't want to regularly alter it. Maomao does offer a more permeant solution, and Jinshi turns it down. His refusal could be because he needs his beauty as a tool, but I would guess that he doesn't want to change himself. All of that said, he's looking forward to this disguise that Maomao is going to prepare.

Maomao sees Jinshi first thing in the morning and is stunned by his beauty. She's annoyed at herself for being so affected by this man.

Jinshi: What's this? Why are you already wearing a scowl? Maomao: It's nothing. I was just noticing how lovely you are yet again. Jinshi: A little early for sarcasm.

Jinshi has tried to use his appearance on Maomao before, and it has failed every time. She's made it clear that she's not interested in him because of how he looks, so to get a comment like this one, he's sure she's teasing him. Which she is but she's also serious. It's interesting that Maomao is letting Jinshi know that she sees the physical appeal of him, when she never has before. And it's happening in an unguarded moment when Jinshi isn't trying to preen or seduce. I wonder why it's happening now. Perhaps it is just something that has been growing.

Maomao does something that disturbs everyone in the room for different reasons. She grabs Jinshi's wrist and sniffs him. Jinshi is blushing, the action a lascivious one to him. Suiren and Gaoshun interpret it the same way, but are shocked to witness it. Maomao explains that his disguise needs to start from his scent.

Jinshi ponders how well Maomao understands the world of the courtesan. He considers Lakan's suggestion to ask Maomao about how to lower a courtesan's value. Will he work up the nerve to ask? Jinshi isn't one to shy away from difficult conversations, however this is a loaded question. Asking it could reflect poorly on Jinshi. We shall see.

And does Maomao know anything about makeup? The gal was an apothecary that worked in a brothel. I'm sure she's an expert.

And she is. Her brilliance mixed with her experience means she's a master of disguise. She uses various methods to completely overhaul Jinshi's appearance, down to the most intimate details such as scent and sound of his voice. During Maomao's work to transform Jinshi, she takes time to admire various parts of Jinshi's body, such as the smoothness of his hair, the clarity of his skin, and the tone of his physique.

Jinshi is enjoying having Maomao's full attention on him and her hands all over his body, and he's going to think about this day every night before he goes to sleep. Maomao will probably also think about this day. It's a rather convenient excuse for both of them to enjoy some intimacy that they won't allow without the pretense. Meanwhile, Suiren can barely handle the multiple indignities that Jinshi has to endure to don this disguise.

Before Maomao commits to altering Jinshi's face, she can't resist putting some lipstick on him. Just to see. A little experiment if you will. One that now lives rent free in the minds of not only Maomao, but Gaoshun and Suiren too. I would give anything to see Jinshi in full glam in this show.

Nothing gets past Maomao and she finds the callouses on Jinshi's palms, surmising that he must train with weapons, which she notes is not a typical eunuch activity. Add that to the mountain of evidence that Jinshi is more than a eunuch official, that Maomao will promptly ignore.

Oh hell yeah! Suiren and Gaoshun are teaming up to send Maomao on a date with Jinshi. He couldn't possibly be seen with his usual companions, that would be too suspicious. Maomao points out the obvious, which is that she is also a well known attendant of Jinshi's. No problem, Maomao can be given a disguise too. And what Gaoshun couldn't? These two could not be more transparent. It's too bad that Maomao can't read this kind of obvious play when it relates to herself.

Maomao is dressed as a pretty young lady from a good family. And she is accompanied by Jinshi who is going out as her attendant. Jinshi loves this role reversal, and Maomao is teaching him how to play his part well. Who they are performing for isn't clear.

Basan is here, hanging back and watching Jinshi live out another one of his fantasies. Will Basan become jealous? One can only hope!

Jinshi is getting progressively more upset that Maomao is drifting in her own thoughts instead of chatting with him. He gets all pouty when Maomao says they have nothing to talk about. His fantasy date isn't going how he imagined it would.

Maomao picks up some meat skewers and after removing the cotton from his mouth Jinshi tucks in with fond memories from "camp." I'm assuming he's talking about time spent with the military. Maomao notes this isn't typical of a eunuch. I wonder what is even left on the list of things about Jinshi that resemble a eunuch.

Suiren and Gaoshun have a discussion about Jinshi and Maomao while they're out. They are pleased with themselves for setting up this outing, but Suiren is referring to Maomao as a toy, as Gaoshun used to. She talks about Jinshi as a boy and how he would fixate on one thing, and how Gaoshun would struggle to find something else to shift his attention. Gaoshun thinks that Jinshi can't afford to be so focused on Maomao. Maybe he's worried about how Maomao makes Jinshi more susceptible to manipulation from people like Lakan. Or maybe he means that with Jinshi's status, that it can't be allowed.

I've come to realize that this show is going to be much, much longer than the single season I'm on. The progress of this romance is like the slowest slow burn. Jinshi and Maomao have been stuck at an impasse for ages. Whenever they do make progress it's in the smallest increment possible that takes more brain power than I have to process and tease out. But I've digressed.

Basan looks like he's starting to enjoy this assignment now that he's picked up some meat skewers, and he can now enjoy both a juicy meal and the juicy conversation he's overhearing.

Jinshi is hurt that Maomao seems to want to get away from him as soon as possible. He asks her very earnestly if she enjoys her life in the palace. She really does, but she is worried about her father.

Maomao reveals more about her father Luomen. I think Jinshi is starting to put some pieces together about what position Luomen might have held. He'll need those clues when he gets closer to figuring out Maomao's true identity.

And it is good to see Maomao open up a little bit. She so rarely talks to Jinshi or anyone about her past, her hopes or her fears. That she does so here, with Jinshi is a step towards friendship.

Maomao sees the restaurant that Jinshi has an appointment at and notices all the ladies hanging over the men outside. She says she could have taken Jinshi to some place in the Pleasure District if this was what he was interested in. She sounds disappointed in Jinshi, or maybe she is disappointed in herself for the jealousy she feels. That she both thinks Jinshi is a eunuch and that he want to visit a courtesan is... interesting. Not that I don't think a eunuch couldn't have fun at a brothel, mind you, but still, her ability to misread a situation is always interesting. I'm confident that Jinshi is not here to meet up with someone for the reasons Maomao thinks. He may be here to meet a courtesan, but if he is, than it is to gather intel.

Honestly I'd support Jinshi if he were here for a hook up. He's committed to no one at this point, and at this rate he'll hook up with Maomao by about the time he is old enough to functionally be a eunuch, so have at it. Go wild Jinshi.

Jinshi finally gets up the courage to ask a terrible question: how to reduce the value of a courtesan. Maomao answers as I expected, you either take her purity or worse yet, you impregnant her. I'm gonna be sick. Lakan is so terrible. Just why is Jinshi so interested in this topic? Is this all to find dirt on Lakan? Does Jinshi suspect Maomao's origins are from the courtesan that Lakan "decreased the value of?" Does Jinshi have his own motives for wanting to decrease the value of a courtesan?

Jinshi is stunned, or perhaps horrified to realize what it might take to lower the value of a courtesan. It's a surreal conversation between these two. Maomao has to wonder why Jinshi is even asking the question. I can't think that she would believe Jinshi wants to use this method to decrease the value of a courtesan, but perhaps she thinks he might be interested in purchasing someone's contract? I don't know what Jinshi hopes to do with the info. Is this something he hopes to figure out to help him against Lakan? If he was hoping the answer would help him find a way to help Maomao, he now knows it's a method that he won't be willing to use. I really can't see him trying to take her purity or impregnate her. If those things were ever going to happen, he would want them to be out of mutual affection, which is still lightyears away.

I kept expecting this outing to be fun, and parts of it are, but there is so much that is undefined and unsaid between these two that there is an unsteady tension throughout the whole outing. Ultimately, the date fails to change any of it. Maomao does open up a bit about her father which is amazing. We so rarely see her talk about her life or her hopes or goals. Jinshi listens intently. And that is kind of the highlight of the day to me.

Obviously the final conversation about how to reduce the cost of a courtesan is important too. But without seeing the end of that conversation I can only guess what impact a question like that might have on these two's relationship. Because the implications of even asking the question aren't great, and I don't know where Maomao's mind is. What does she think Jinshi capable of? I tend to think she knows and trusts Jinshi pretty well, but when there is emotion involved her judgement gets all screwy.

And we haven't yet learned what Jinshi is up to. He wanted to come here in disguise for a reason. I assume he is trying to get information to help him against Lakan. At least, I hope that's what he's up to. Lakan is bad news.

To start at the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Coming Soon!

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao #jinshi x maomao

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

being absolutely destroyed by my MA dissertation, moving stress, health stress and general blargh so my creative spoon drawer is pretty empty but I MISS THEM so this

#damn hairy wwx is just doing something for me #mdzs #wwx #lwj

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

istg if one more person goes “uhm acktually” to one of my mdzs shitposts i will actually be giving each and every one of you your own personal “🤓☝️” in your asks inbox don’t try me 🦉

i love a lore drop as much as the next person but if you see like 5 other people saying the same stuff on one shitpost maybe give it a rest my guy

let me be silly in peace i beg 🙁

#people come to attack my hot garbage masterworks with their logic and canon quotes #like i know my jokes are terrible but shit posting is a compulsion #mdzs #mdzs shitposting #shitpost #mo dao zu shi #the untamed #wangxian

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

Shen Yuan transmigrated into a harem novel where he is not the protagonist.

Shen Yuan is the protagonist in a novel where he is unwittingly the head of a harem.

#svsss #mxtx #scumbag self saving system #scumbag villain #scum villian self saving system #scum villain #scumbag system #ren zha fanpai zijiu xitong #rzfzx #shen qingqiu #shen yuan #sqq

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E16 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - mysterious officer

Basan - an officer who works in the palace

Jinshi is deeply divided on whether he should have allowed Lakan access to Maomao. He's going to feel pretty guilty if things go badly.

Jinshi explains the details of the case of the metalworker's estate to Maomao. She's always interested in a mystery.

Jinshi: What's with all the sudden enthusiasm?

Dude is asking a question he knows the answer to.

Solving mysteries is where Maomao shines. Jinshi knows this better than anyone. It's one of the things that knocked him head-over-heels for this lady. But he's a little ticked at how easily Lakan was able to hook Maomao's interest. Lakan who hasn't even met Maomao yet, knew exactly how to lure her out. Perhaps Jinshi was hoping that Maomao would refuse, and release him from the deal he made with Lakan. Why did he agree to this? Jinshi is supremely uneasy with all of it.

As the conversation progresses Jinshi takes a more comfortable position on the couch, no longer bothering to behave as a proper palace official or even an employer in front of Maomao. Rather his pose is more like the casual sprawling one might do with family or friends. Jinshi is so persistent in how he stays open and inviting to Maomao, even in his body language. In this scene, Maomao is kneeling properly at the low table. Her body language is formal.

Lakan had provided an address to follow up with the mystery if it intrigued Maomao.

Maomao: How well prepared. It's like he anticipated this happening.

I do not like this at all. This Lakan is too good at maneuvering Maomao and Jinshi.

Maomao request a day off to look in to the case, and Jinshi is not happy. Not because she's missing work around the residence, but because she walked so willingly into Lakan's well laid plan for her. He's probably also pissed at himself for allowing this, but apparently Jinshi really wants to know the rest of Lakan's courtesan story. Jinshi can't see what Lakan has planned, and he's very worried about Maomao. Suiren is completely fine with Maomao leaving. Smiling and waving? Is she actually happy that Maomao is leaving, or is she looking forward to drowning her in work when she returns? I can't read her yet. I miss Lady Gyokuyou and the Jade Pavilion ladies who were so sweet.

Basan. Another mystery. Damn those golden eyes! Who else had eyes like that?! Maomao said he looks familiar, and he does, but like who? Gaaaaah!

Basan is suppose to escort Maomao on her investigation, and he's still acting like an ass, and I'm still wondering when I can see Jinshi fight him again. Maomao says she can tolerate his bad attitude, since she views him as harmless. That's good, because sometimes with trauma, especially from sexual trauma, aggression can be a trigger. I don't like that she has to just put up with this guy's pissy attitude.

Fuck me, Basan and Gaoshun?! Well a blood relationship between the two at least explains why Jinshi and Gaoshun feel comfortable letting this guy go all around the palace with Maomao. Is Basan a child of Gaoshun or like a nephew or something? Is this going to be enough for Maomao to at least question if Gaoshun is a eunuch or not? No. The answer is no, but she should!

Of course Maomao solves the mystery that was left by the metalworker for his sons. A majority of this episode is spent unraveling this mystery, but as far as I can tell the details aren't important to the larger story, so I'm not going to bother describing the twists and turn of it. Basically we get to see how a father would rather go to extreme lengths to create a puzzle for his sons to try to solve upon his death, then give them words of encouragement or advice while he was still alive. The youngest son tries to reconcile the family by passing on compliments he heard his father say in private and never directly to his children. Maomao wisely bows out of that bullshit, but suggests they seek medical treatment from Luomen if they develop symptoms like their father had.

On the return trip, Basan gives Maomao a considering look. Perhaps he's starting to see how brilliant and capable she is? Maybe he will try to rein in his bad attitude where it comes to Maomao? Or maybe... he will fall in love with her! I don't know why I'm looking for more drama from this show, it's already angsty enough. Even so, maybe a romantic rival would help push Jinshi and Maomao past the standstill they've come to.

Lakan is back. He thanks Jinshi for Maomao's work, which I understand within the context of this show, but it still pisses me off. It smacks of misogyny as it's a subtle way of affirming Jinshi's ownership of Maomao, and demonstrates Lakan's lack of respect for women and servants.

Lakan then goes on to explain what happened sounding far too pleased, like he's already gotten everything he wanted. Jinshi knows all of this is part of a stratagem from Lakan, but what his goal is, is yet unclear. Jinshi doesn't know what happened on Maomao's outing (in his head he refers to her as "the apothecary," here which I find odd). She never reported back about her findings. And maybe that is what has Lakan looking so smug. He's uncovered that truth that Maomao is Jinshi's courtesan in name only. And even though Jinshi may be trying to hide what he feels for Maomao from Lakan, I'm sure Lakan is aware. Maomao is a soft spot to attack or control Jinshi.

Jinshi notes that Lakan is very good at discovering people with talent. And now his attention has landed on Maomao. He talks about the three sons each finding their proper place, and I can't help but think that Lakan believes "finding one's proper place," also applies to Maomao and Jinshi. It's possible that Lakan is insinuating something to Jinshi about him not being in his proper place; perhaps he knows something about Jinshi's true identity. But more likely Lakan is thinking that Maomao is not in her proper place here in Jinshi's residence. Lakan gave her a test and he was delighted by her ability to pass it. Does he intend to remove Maomao from Jinshi's employ? This guy is definitely not done with Maomao.

Lakan: The late metalworker's creations were absolutely remarkable though. There was this simple looking metal piece, that when combined with a ritual utensil... it looked truly magnificent.

I don't know what that thing is, but Lakan's scuzzy look combined with Jinshi's disgust is enough to tell me it's something terrible. What kind of ritual are they talking about here? Jinshi straight up lets us know that this is beneath him. What kind of ritual would be something that someone in Jinshi's position would never use? Jinshi knows that Lakan knows that this is not relevant or appropriate. Lakan so very clearly said it to see how Jinshi would react. And Jinshi is doing his best to hide his thoughts and reactions, but I get the feeling that Lakan can see everything. I can only guess based on the way my stomach feels nauseous watching this exchange that this item is used for something heinous like slavery or rape. Props to the storytellers here for freaking me out. I hope I'm wrong and the horrid thing is a spoon rest.

Lakan: I simply can't abide good talent being kept buried. ... Those who possess genius should receive the appropriate praise and attention.

He's going to take Maomao! Stop him Jinshi!

And Jinshi is actually VERY interested in Lakan's method of decreasing a courtesan's value. Is it that Maomao still owes money at Verdigris House? Is this time now at Jinshi's residence just boughten time, and not the end of her contract? Is this why Jinshi wants to know how to bring her price down? Does Lakan know that Maomao may still have a debt to Verdigris House?! Does he plan to buy out the rest of her time?! Hell no! I won't accept that! What the hell is happening?!

Lakan doesn't want to admit to the fucked up thing he did to that courtesan, so he tells Jinshi to ask Maomao how to reduce her price. This guy is terrible. He told Jinshi his messed up story then left off the part that Jinshi most wanted to know, with a promise to tell him if he could have a chance to test Maomao. Which Jinshi agreed to. When Maomao fulfilled her part, Lakan goes back on his word and refuses to say. Utter trash. And Jinshi let himself be sucked into Lakan's game. I hate all of this.

Then Lakan leaves a beverage for Jinshi's "serving maids," i.e. Maomao. WTF. I am so creeped out by this guy.

Lakan: Farewell. Until tomorrow that is.

Yeah, we're not getting rid of this guy any time soon.

Jinshi collapses the instant Lakan leaves. Yes, Jinshi is going to have to continue to deal with this nightmare who keeps making Jinshi's life difficult, but what is really bothering Jinshi is that he knows he fucked up. Lakan came to see how interested Jinshi is in his concubine, and baited him with his own story about a courtesan. And Jinshi showed him, that he is actually very interested in Maomao. Jinshi also let Lakan take Maomao's measure, knowing this guy has a knack for determining and using such talents. Jinshi is definitely going to blame himself for putting Maomao in this guys sights.

Gaoshun makes a request of Jinshi, that we don't get to hear about, but in the very next scene Jinshi is changing his clothes and asking Maomao to help him with some makeup so is he planning to go out in disguise somewhere? Is he going to visit the annex (one of these episodes will show me what it is!)? What did Gaoshun say to Jinshi? I guess we will find out next time, since that's where the episode ends!

I'm so creeped out by Lakan, but it feels like we are about to get into some plot stuff now, so I'm excited for that.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next Episode:

Episode 17

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi x maomao #jinshi #jinmao

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E15 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lakan - mysterious officer

Lihaku - the military officer who took Maomao out of the Rear Palace

Basan - an officer who works in the palace

Xiaolan - Maomao's servant girl friend

Palace gossip! Lihaku has done a good job handling the fire investigation. But he had help from Jinshi's personal assistant! Didn't Jinshi just buy a beautiful courtesan from Verdigris House?

This shit is worth sitting up for. Master Lakan, who's peaceful nap was interrupted by gossipy military bitches, would like to hear more about Maomao. Should I be worried about this guy's interest in Maomao?

Gaoshun would like Maomao to look into an old case. If you want to close a cold case, then Maomao is certainly the one to ask.

Side note: Gaoshun just offered to take Maomao to a restaurant to eat raw pufferfish. Is Gaoshun going to get a date with Maomao before Jinshi does? Bwahahaha!

So Gaoshun was asked to investigate this case years ago. Which makes me wonder what his position is/was. I thought it was mentioned that he has been with Jinshi since the day he was born, but that can't be right either, or he would have noticed the baby swap. Unless, I mean he is not always around Jinshi, so maybe the swap happened when he was out investigating a case? Also, can people not recognize one baby from another? Or did the swap happen so quickly after the births that people really didn't know what their child looked like. Whatever, the details probably aren't that important.

So after hearing about Jinshi's new servant/concubine who can solve mysteries, Lakan approached Jinshi's man, Gaoshun, to ask for help solving a case. Uh yeah, that dude knows a thing or two about strategy and maneuvering others. Is this guy dangerous?

A similar case has arisen, a bureaucrat has fallen into a coma after eating raw pufferfish.

Maomao: Master Gaoshun. Forgive me, but is it appropriate for you to be discussing this with me? Gaoshun: It won't be an issue. Unlike certain individuals, you understand your position.

What a loaded response from Gaoshun.

He's clearly taking a dig at Jinshi. Gaoshun was frustrated when Jinshi was assigned to care for the Rear Palace, and thinks that using his appearance as a test against the concubines is beneath him. But he also has been witnessing Jinshi spiral further and further away from propriety with Maomao, and can't approve of it. I thought Gaoshun had decided to support Jinshi and Maomao when he intervened to get Jinshi to Verdigris House and rescue Maomao. But, perhaps his motives weren't to support a romantic relationship between the two, rather to bring Maomao back to the palace where she would be under their protection and within their control. The second half of his statement to Maomao, "you understand your position," is also a bit of a reminder or perhaps a warning to her. He's also saying don't try to exceed your station. Gaoshun is delusional if he thinks the situation between Maomao and Jinshi can be maintained as it is.

Gaoshun lays out two similar poisoning cases. Maomao's keen mind is already rolling through the possibilities and she asks for some more information.

Jinshi scares the living shit out of Maomao when he startles her by asking what she was talking about with Gaoshun. I find it interesting that this request came directly through Gaoshun via Lakan, and that Jinshi was not aware of it. Why not inform Jinshi? I had wondered before about Lakan, if he might be some kind of rival of Jinshi's, since he seemed to take such an interest in the gossip about him. That Gaoshun, avoided informing Jinshi about this, makes me think there is something between those two gentleman, that isn't friendly. This scene also shows us that Gaoshun does sometimes operate outside of Jinshi's domain. We saw that in the past he was an investigator, and that now he sometimes does tasks that aren't given by Jinshi. Also, Jinshi is in casual robes, with wet hair. He clearly just got out of the bath. Was Gaoshun trying to have this conversation with Maomao while Jinshi was busy. Was he trying to hide this from Jinshi?

Jinshi: You seemed to be listening quite intently to Master Gaoshun's story.

Jinshi has become a bit possessive where it comes to Maomao. We saw that when he brought her back from Verdigris House, and again when Gaoshun gave Maomao a cloak last episode. Here it is again, with her having an intense conversation with Gaoshun. I wonder what Jinshi's actual thoughts are on his possessive actions. I mean I can see that his emotions for her are making him jealous and he's not bothering to try and hide that, but in his mind, does he think he has a claim on Maomao? He may actually have a legal claim since he did buy out her contract at the brothel, but in what way does he intend to exert that claim? Does Jinshi see Maomao as something he owns? Is his jealousy connected to that? Is he frustrated that he just bought a concubine and she wants nothing to do with him romantically? Or are the feelings of jealousy that we're seeing simply from his attraction to her? Does he simply wish her to return his feelings, and want to keep other guys away from her, so they won't get a chance to pull her attention away from him?

Maomao: People tend to pay attention to stories they actually find interesting. Jinshi: Now hold on. Is that why you frequently cut me off midsentence- Maomao: Oh dear. It's getting late. I suppose I'd better take my leave.

So the ambiguity of the relationship between Maomao and Jinshi has not affected their ability banter. Maomao is still teasing Jinshi, even if the conversation may indicate that Maomao has been avoiding Jinshi. Is she afraid they may have to talk about what it means that she's had her contract purchased and is living in Jinshi's house? Is she afraid her feelings may tip over into something that is even more difficult to hide from? Is she afraid she'll have to confront Jinshi's true identity and all the repercussions that come with it? All of the above? This situation feels so untenable.

Jinshi: Come back here. I'm not done talking with you- Suiren: And I have not finished drying your hair. Hold still

Suiren really controls everything that happens in this house doesn't she? What are this lady's goals? What does she think about Jinshi and Maomao?

Jinshi watches Maomao walk away and rumbles in frustration. He's ever trying to get closer, while Maomao keeps her distance. What will it take to change this?

Gaoshun returns with the details Maomao requested.

Maomao: I knew you would deliver.

There is a real trust and comradery developing between Gaoshun and Maomao. She doesn't have the same reservations she has with Jinshi and she isn't nearly as critical of Gaoshun. Indeed, she routinely views Gaoshun with glowing praise. In many ways he's the ideal man in Maomao's eyes, even if she doesn't see him as a match for her personally. I wonder how she would accept knowing Gaoshun's true identity.

Jinshi is delighted to come upon Maomao and Gaoshun discussing the poisoning mystery. He can't resist teasing Maomao for getting stuck on this case. It's rare that she doesn't figure out the solution right away, which means she probably hasn't had all the clues presented to her yet. Not only is she very good at solving mysteries, she's very perceptive and good at recognizing clues. So far everything she's been presented are clues gathered by other people. I have no doubt she could solve this if she were able to investigate herself.

Suiren: Careful, or you'll ruin your appetite. Jinshi: I'm a grown man. Maomao: Highly debatable from what I've seen.

Okay, I'm going to side with Jinshi on this one. Like, let the man eat if he's hungry. Also, isn't this his house? Why does everyone get to have an opinion on when and what he eats? Or how he behaves. Jinshi already lives in a fishbowl with eyes on him and every action he takes. It would be nice if he could have a little slack in his own home. But that is not his fate. He's destine to be slowly driven insane by endless demands and expectations.

Finally, Maomao will be able to see the kitchen where the poisonous meal was prepared. No doubt she'll be able to solve this now.

Maomao meets up with Basen. And it took me a moment to remember where I heard that name before, but this was the officer Jinshi was sparing with (shirtless!) way back in episode 5. He was kind of a hot-headed fighter, but was humble enough after Jinshi kicked his ass. He's being a dick to Maomao here. Now I just want to see Jinshi beat his ass again. Maomao says she's never seen Basen before but that he looks a bit familiar. What the hell? Like, is he related to someone she knows? You know what, I'm already working on trying to figure out Maomao and Jinshi's parentage, I'm not going to waste thoughts for fricking Basen.

I lied. This is actually going to bother me.

The only thing I can think of off the top of my head is that he has crazy hair just like Lakan, but Maomao hasn't met him, so how can he look familiar. Fuck it.

So Maomao and Basen take one step into the kitchen and a dude runs up and demands they leave. It's not at all suspicious.

Damn it Basen does look familiar doesn't he? But like who?

Maomao finds the seaweed that is out of season and steals some on her way out. Thievery is becoming a habit for Maomao. She explains that the seaweed was improperly prepared before being shipped to this region, so it was never detoxified. She implies that it may have been intentional and the others know what to do from there.

We see a humous scene of Maomao explaining that the seaweed is toxic and proceeds to eat it. Jinshi is about at horrified as he can be. To be clear, he has the appropriate reaction for when someone consumes something poisonous. Jinshi forces her to take an emetic agent and vomit it back up before she can allow her experiment to begin. Once again we see her disregard her own wellbeing to pursue her study of poisons. It's reckless behavior. I understand that she doesn't have an ethical way to run these experiments, but one doesn't risk their own life or health for the pursuit of knowledge without having a pretty messed up sense of the value of their own life. She could have done this experiment in private and tried to hide it, but instead chose to do it in front of Jinshi and Gaoshun. I wonder if she was curious to see their reactions, or if she was even hoping they would respond this way. That they prevent her from hurting herself is a sign of their care for her. Will she be able to understand that and internalize it? I'm not hopeful.

Oh, that not at all suspicious younger brother was the culprit who bought the foreign seaweed? You don't say. Okay so he felt he wasn't treated well as the younger brother. Is this the same dude from the end of the last episode when someone was whining about being "worthy too?" So the mysterious guy who happened to be around the night Sir Kounen died, was also around to suggest to this murderous little brother, that he import toxic seaweed from the south. What is that serial killer up to? Does he have a larger goal? Is he part of a conspiracy?

Maomao, I think is tidying up Jinshi's bedroom, and is in a terrific mood, dreaming about how to use her caterpillar fungus. She accidentally is overly welcoming to Jinshi, and it is too much like a scene from one of his fondest dreams, so he smashes his face against the wall. These two cannot keep going on like this. Jinshi is desperate to move things forward with Maomao, even if he is holding back for now. And Maomao cannot pretend to be oblivious to his feelings forever.

Jinshi is exhausted. He has a lot of work to do, and Lakan has been making his life harder than usual.

Finally we get more information about Lakan. He's past forty, a high ranking military office, and a weirdo. I'm always looking for long lost parents, and this guy is a prime suspect. And he could work for Maomoa, Jinshi, or Basen. The fact that he's a "weirdo" makes me lean towards Maomao. Also, his strategic mind. Though I suppose that could be descriptive of Maomao or Jinshi, I think it fits Maomao better.

Jinshi says he thinks Lakan has it out for him, because he keeps causing trouble, plus the man has been in his office for the last few days. Probably ever since he heard about Maomao.

Jinshi is opening up and sharing his frustration about something going on in his life, and Maomao decides it's not her problem, so she doesn't need to care.

On the one hand I get it, she's trying to stay out of things that aren't her business. We see that consistently with how she avoids gossip. She may also feel that since she is merely a servant, that her opinions wouldn't be welcome here. But either way, Jinshi has decided to open up and share something, and she just disregards that. Frankly, it's rude.

If a friend wants to share something with you, you should make some effort to listen, it's how you build and nurture relationships. Of course that is likely the heart of the problem here. Maomao is terrified of intimacy, and this is a lot like actually being friends. She can't allow it. At least not with Jinshi.

We have seen Maomao sit and listen to Xiaolan, chatting about all kinds of different things, and I'm trying to remember specific examples but I think she would be willing to listen to the ladies of the Jade Pavilion or Verdigris House. I at least don't remember her ever straight up bailing on a conversation like this. It's really only Jinshi that gets this kind of treatment, and it's because he's the biggest threat.

She could be friends with just about anyone else, but with Jinshi, it's a slippery slope. If she allows a deeper friendship to grow, what's to stop her from continuing to tumble, until she fall completely in love?

Foreshadowing:

Maomao: Enough of that. It's not like it affects me, right?

Right.

And for as much as Maomao would love to check out of what Jinshi was saying, in truth she's bothered by it. The skies are cloudy, and Maomao's got a bad feeling about Lakan. She's worried about Jinshi. I wish Maomao had a therapist.

So we finally get a scene between Jinshi and Lakan. And what a scene it is!

Lakan arrives with fake smiles and words with hidden meanings. Jinshi is on guard from the start.

Lakan wants to talk about Verdigris House. He had a connection with a courtesan there who was a master at Go. Lakan lost his chance to buy her when her price went up during a bidding war. The courtesan he's talking about was an interesting one, who sold her skills but not herself, and wore a haughty expression. Jinshi unwillingly relates to Lakan when he describes the joy of being glared at.

Jinshi can't help himself and keeps asking questions even though he is aware that Lakan is luring him deeper into this conversation. Does Jinshi have an interest in this conversation? What Lakan's goals are here, Jinshi doesn't know, and I don't either, but Jinshi and I are both pretty sure it has to do with Maomao.

Lakan did something to the courtesan to lower her value, but doesn't want to reveal his misdeeds without a favor. Lakan asks to meet Maomao, and refers to her as Jinshi's servant rather than his concubine, which is interesting, following the conversation that preceded this ask. There is a mystery that Lakan wants to get to the bottom of, and he wants Maomao to take a look. Jinshi allows it. Maybe trying to find some peace from the endless trouble that Lakan has been causing him, or maybe he is agreeing to something, something mysterious that was being discussed in this conversation, that wasn't said aloud.

So time for a wild theory. I'm wondering if Lakan is Maomao's father and if the courtesan might be Maomao's mother. The thing he did to lower her value may be to impregnate the woman. Was he able to purchase the woman? Did he move her into the annex? Is Lakan a rotten piece of shit, and Maomao's mother faked Maomao's death and asked Luomen to help get her away from Lakan? If so, and Lakan suspects who Maomao may be, then his conversation with Jinshi may be a chance to see what Jinshi knows. Lay out some pieces of the story and see if Jinshi reacts.

And now I wonder, just how much does Jinshi know?! Does he know about Maomao's parentage? Is that why he couldn't help asking more questions? Is that why he agreed to allow Lakan to see Maomao. Is this some kind of tacit agreement, like fine you can see her, but don't tell her any of this shit?

In the final scene the rains have come. Trouble has arrived.

To start from the beginning:

Episode 1

Next Episode:

Episode 16

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao #jinshi x maomao

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

I’m sorry I died

#mdzs

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E14 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Content warning: Discussion on sexual harassment, assault, and rape

My character/location cheat sheet

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Lady Gyokuyou - Precious consort

Hongniang - Lady Gyokuyou's attendant

Jade Pavilion - Lady Gyokuyou's pavilion

Concubine Lihua - Wise Consort

Concubine Loulan - the new Pure Consort

Lady Lishu - child bride concubine

Lakan - mysterious officer

Lihaku - young military officer

Pairin - one of the princesses of Verdigris House

Opening. Like with many of the openings in this show, I don't know what is happening yet. But it is visually and musically stunning. The strings bowing out some poignant melody while a woman under a red umbrella crosses a nearly colorless courtyard with her retinue. I'm guessing this must be the new concubine. Oh yeah, I'm pretty sure that was the crown that Lady Ah-Duo wore. This lady ditches it as soon as she comes into the Garnet Pavilion. I wonder how she feels about being made into the newest high ranking concubine. Her face is revealing nothing to me.

I don't know what Lady Gyokuyou is up to, but I love her, so I'm looking forward to whatever "good timing," she's trying to take advantage of. Probably trying to see Maomao I'm guessing.

Oh good, Maomao is planting her own herb garden. Perfect! Finally a way to start to make a place for herself in Jinshi's world. Maybe she can find a way to fit in here. Suiren doesn't care about this garden though, she wants Maomao to clean the office. And I'm starting to wonder if this lonely residence is maybe not as great for Maomao as the Jade Pavilion was. Back in the Jade Pavilion, Maomao was surrounded by people who cared about her and supported her. That isn't to say that Suiren won't, but who else even lives here? Gaoshun? I mean there is Jinshi of course, but I'd like to know she fits in with more than just him.

Turns out Jinshi is in the office that Maomao is meant to clean, so maybe Suiren is just trying to push Jinshi and Maomao together.

Something truly screwy has happened. Maomao has been selected to teach the new Pure Consort. What they want her to teach, I don't know. Probably not poisons. As it turns out, Lady Gyokuyou has written a recommendation for Maomao. A chance to get Maomao back into the Rear Palace so they can all see her maybe? Oh haha, Lady Lihua, wants her back too! Well Maomao did teach Lady Lihua something useful! Terrific! Maomao, who just failed her exam to be a court lady, is now highly recommended to teach the new high ranking concubine. Incredible.

Before Maomao had walked in, Jinshi called the situation "perplexing," followed by a frustrated or maybe thoughtful hum. Then when Maomao arrived Jinshi definitely made a frustrated sound. Was he upset that he would most likely need to send her out of his residence, and back to the Rear Palace? Was he upset that this seems like a blatant excuse for those concubines to see her? Or maybe he's upset that she failed her exam to be a court lady, because she does show up ready to clean his office, carrying all of her cleaning equipment.

Jinshi: The Rear Palace has set it's mind to the Concubine's education. And they selected you to be the teacher. Maomao: That's a good one.

Maomao, doesn't see how she could be good enough for a position like this. It must be a joke.

Jinshi: I'm not joking here.

And, oh yeah, he's not happy. He doesn't like that two of the top concubines have forced his hand like this. And maybe he also doesn't like Maomao's self deprecating attitude He sends her off so abruptly, that it seems curt. And what the hell is Jinshi's issue? Why is he acting like this with Maomao? Maybe he is just uncertain what to do with her. She's so capable at certain things, and yet... there are certain things she just won't or can't do. She's a highly requested teacher to the top concubines in the rear palace, yet she can't pass the test to become a court lady. Maybe that is what has Jinshi so annoyed. Maybe he can get over himself, while Maomao goes on her mission.

Does Maomao still owe money to Verdigris House? WTF. Maomao tries to stealthily change her wages but Suiren immediately shuts that down, even though Jinshi was willing to pay her more.

Jinshi seems excited about Maomao's class now and wants to see what teaching supplies she is bringing to the Rear Palace and Maomao becomes defensive.

Maomao: Under no circumstances can he see these!

What does she have in there? Maybe it's some courtesan stuff. Perhaps she's going to try to teach the new consort some brothel tricks?

Maomao insists on pulling her own cart. Maybe she didn't realize that Jinshi and Gaoshun would also be coming to the Rear Palace or she wants to be sure no one gets a chance to look at the racy goods she's transporting.

Jinshi is received like a celebrity, with lines of adoring fans all hoping to catch a glimpse and make a comment about his appearance. He puts on a smile and laughs, but I think he hates this. Maybe Maomao should draw some freckles on him.

And maybe this is a good time to take a closer look at what Jinshi's experiences have been with sexual harassment. I have @cjrae and @teaflowsthroughthesesims to thank for opening my eyes to some things in the comments section of the last blog.

Jinshi has been getting this kind of reaction to his appearance for a long time. I'm realizing now why he was so excited to have Maomao glare at him in one of the early episodes. People so often look at him and see his beauty, but not the person. He has never had to worry about that with Maomao. Her absolute lack of self value means she never considered for a moment that Jinshi would see her as a viable romantic partner, and so therefor never bothered to look at him with a lustful eye. It's rather sad that that was a novel experience for Jinshi.

We know that his own female servants have tried to leave their underwear in his closet. I've learned that the undergarment made of human hair is meant to be a love spell. How utterly fucked up. Just as bad is the fact that people have tried to sneak aphrodisiacs into his food before. Maomao identified one for him way back in episode 2. I did not realize that when he asked Maomao to make an aphrodisiac that he would be using that to retaliate against the male officer that gave him the drugged food, and it becomes apparent that he did when we hear the rumor about a man who "hates women" that was seduced by servant girl. I've been taught that "hates women" is a euphemism for gay men. So Jinshi has been experiencing sexual harassment from both men and women, and it ranges from lascivious comments that he hears on the street like we see in this scene, to very intimate acts like the undergarment in his own drawer and food that was given to him. It's one of the reasons Gaoshun attends him everywhere. Perhaps Maomao should be a food taster for Jinshi.

I can't help but think about the moment when Jinshi gave Maomao his hair pin. She had just explained her story of being captured and sold, but also about how she had been sexually harassed. He probably felt a powerful empathy with her then. Imagine what it would mean for him to share his own experiences with her.

Jinshi wants to attend Maomao's sex ed class, but she literally pushes him out the door. Delightful. She says they are going to be discussing sensitive womanly issues, so, cool, maybe Maomao is the right choice for this class. She might actually teach these ladies something. Maybe prevent a few UTIs and yeast infections.

Lady Gyokuyou is so happy that her favorite romcom Maomao is back. Maomao knows everyone in the room, other than the new concubine, Lady Loulan and her attendant.

Maomao shares a book that gets blushes all around the room, as well as a few more dramatic reactions, so it's got to be something she learned at the brothel. The new lady seems to be ignoring Maomao?

Jinshi has his ear pressed to the door, like a creep. Is he worried about what Maomao will teach these ladies, or just curious about what she knows? Maomao bust him trying to listen in. When he finally sees what's going on in the room, he's not so sure he should have agreed to all of this. Lady Gyokuyou and Lady Lihua seem pleased, but Lady Lishu is traumatized, and most of the attendants are freaking out. Only Lady Loulan seems unfazed. What is her deal any way. All I've seen her do so far is discard her crown in the opening scene, yawn, gaze off at nothing, discard the book Maomao gave her, and ignore everything around her. Is she bored? Depressed? Does she have a disability? Maybe she isn't ignoring everyone, maybe she literally can't hear them? Of maybe she can't understand the language? It would explain why she's not moved by anything being said and why the book is of no interest to her. Maomao did point out that her clothes are of a foreign style. I can't figure her out. Maomao says that Lady Loulan is unreadable. Agreed.

Maomao actually seems pretty pleased as she lays down to sleep. She's giggling about her bonus, and I have to appreciate her commitment to avarice.

The hell? Was that an explosion? Maomao thinks to investigate, but then gives up at the thought of Suiren. How much impact does Suiren have on Maomao's behavior? Is Maomao afraid she'll get in trouble with Suiren? Is this a good influence that is keeping Maomao from behaving recklessly, or is it a bad influence that stymies her curiosity and impulse to help others?

We get a name to the mysterious man from last episode, Master Lakan. He's investigating the explosion and has found that opium pipe from last episode. His face says he knows something, but when someone asks if he found something, he says no. Is he involved with this explosion somehow? Is he going to cover up some piece of evidence? Is he an investigator in the palace? If so than he probably will cross paths with Maomao at some point, since she can't help but get involved in mysteries.

Maomao is working in Jinshi's office today. She's surprised to see how much work falls to a eunuch of the Rear Palace. And for fuck's sake Maomao, the man is so clearly not just a Rear Palace eunuch. I think she must be intentionally delusional about this. She's already figured out part of the puzzle that is Jinshi's background but chose to discard it. Perhaps the truth is too intimidating for Maomao to face.

Because if she were to accept who and what Jinshi is, that would probably be the end of all of this. It would widen the gulf between them as Jinshi was worried about a few episodes ago. It's something Maomao is also very worried about. She's being very careful that she doesn't do anything that will force them to part.

Jinshi is so obvious with his attraction to Maomao, and Maomao is so reserved, that it can often seem like this is a one sided relationship. Maomao doesn't dare think about her feelings for Jinshi, much less speak or act on them. To get an idea of what she's feeling, we have to make some assumptions. But they aren't totally unfounded, we can see evidence of Maomao's feelings in some of the choices she makes, and in some of the actions she takes, even if we may be waiting a real long time for her to think about or verbalize them.

Maomao has managed to secure herself a position here in Jinshi's residence, in a position that keeps her close to him. She chose to come back to the palace. She gave up the people she calls family in the Pleasure District, and the career she loves as an apothecary to return to the palace. And yes, she thought she was going to be working in the Rear Palace, but she's not complaining about being in Jinshi's residence instead. In fact she's planting her herbs in the yard. She's literally and metaphorically putting down roots here.

Though Maomao thinks she's not worth the affections of a eunuch official, she has still managed to build a rapport with Jinshi. They can banter, and solve mysteries together hold each other when they're drunk and sad. She likes that he encourages her to use her skills, that he appreciates her abilities, that he pushes her out of the places she hides, so that she can grow. And for Maomao that's pretty nice actually. All of it is more than she would hope for from him. It's a beautiful dream, that falls apart if Jinshi is more than a simple palace official. Because even as a simple official, she's taking more than she deserves. It's completely inappropriate already. If he's a prince... there really, really isn't a place for her in that world. So she holds on where she can for now, and takes what is offered, and very carefully does not think about Jinshi's true identity.

Also, because Jinshi is a "eunuch" he is safe for Maomao. She has some serious fears around sex. When she told us about being sexually harassed she said that nothing ever came of it, and I do think that being attacked, even if she was not raped is enough to cause this level of trauma. There could be more though. She told that story to a pavilion full of people, it's highly likely that if there were a more serious story about sexual assault that she may not have told it so publicly. Regardless of the origins, Maomao has sexual trauma. As a "eunuch," Jinshi would not be able to assault her that way, even if she thought he were willing to. So, it's easier for Maomao to continue to believe an increasingly unbelievable delusion, than to deal with her trauma.

I am so here for the Gaoshun-Maomao dynamic. Gaoshun is mothering "Xiaomao" and making sure she stays warm, because it's cold outside after all. Maomao is once again thinking about what a catch Gaoshun is. You know, if things don't work out with Jinshi, then Gaoshun could be a nice runner up.

Oh and Jinshi has noticed all of that! He's literally growling. Back the hell up off his girl Gaoshun! Oh my god this is a hilarious scene. Now Gaoshun is claiming the cloak and thoughtfulness came from Jinshi. I wonder if next time, Jinshi doesn't get up and bring her a cloak himself, rather than sending Gaoshun.

Maomao: To need permission to give warm clothes to a chilly servant. Talk about bureaucracy.

Holy hell, her ability to misread a situation... is just... mindboggling. I know her confidence is nil, she is incapable of seeing Jinshi's affection for her, but the mental gymnastics required to come up with other possible explanations is a lot.

Once again, medicinal herbs have drawn Maomao to the military officers side of the palace grounds. She happened to run into Lihaku. Jinshi is not going to like that.

Lihaku fell in love during his night at Verdigris House, and now he has dedicated himself to his career advancement so he can buy another night with Pairin. But in the meantime he drinks frugally with other girls hoping to catch a glimpse of his love.

Maomao says she's been transferred to a palace official's personal quarters.

Lihaku: Transferred huh? And to such a thankless detail. Maomao: Yup, I've gathered that much.

Something didn't seem right here, so I switched from the English dub to the Japanese with English subtitles and got:

Lihaku: Personal quarters? Who's crazy enough to do that? Maomao: Yeah, I wonder the same.

This is really not an important scene, so I'm not sure why I'm so hung up on it, but I think something is probably lost in translation. I think what Lihaku is implying is that the move is a bad one for Maomao. It's not as prestigious as working for a high ranking concubine in the Rear Palace. In a private residence how will a servant stand out or advance? Lihaku is all about climbing the ranks, and he pities Maomao for getting stuck in a position where she can't. Maomao has gathered that this position isn't one to bring her career advancement, but she doesn't cares about that, it's not why she wanted to return to the palace or why she is finding contentment in her new job. So she pokes fun at herself yeah I guess I am crazy for taking this position, not because she's missing out on a chance to advance her career, but because she's given up on other options for her life like being an apothecary in the Pleasure District, to take a risk in the palace.

There was a fire last night, the origins of which are unknown. Maomao cannot resist a mystery. Maomao surmises that it was an explosion and that the military suspects arson. Maomao finds that same opium pipe that Lakan did. She has an idea, and now she just needs to prove it. She asks Lihaku to bring her a few things. Maomao builds a very nice wooden box, and Lihaku compliments her. She remembers a time when she was young, at home with Luomen while he examines a box. Maomao uses her box to demonstrate how improperly stored powder such as flour can be combustible. She surmises that someone went into the warehouse to light a pipe and accidentally caused the explosion.

Damn I like watching her work.

Lihaku: How is it you know these kind of things. Maomao: Simple. I once blew up a room at the Verdigris House experimenting with powders. Lihaku: You're a menace.

I don't know if Lihaku is taking personal offense to her causing trouble at the brothel where the love of his life lives, or if he just thinks she's weird and dangerous. Either way, I don't think Jinshi has anything to worry about when it comes to Maomao and Lihaku. I'm looking forward to him be jealous about this anyway.

Maybe I do understand how she can still owe the Verdigris House, if she has destroyed rooms in the building before...

Maomao kept the fancy pipe, accidentally of course, we've all forgotten about her klepto-urges a couple episodes ago, right? I can't help but think that keeping this pipe is a mistake. There is a lot that could go wrong if someone finds that in her things. She could be accused of using opium to start, but she could also be accused of stealing it, selling drugs, associating with nefarious people, or who knows what else. I don't like that she has it. She considers returning it. I hope she does.

The final scene is of a man having a break down in an eatery. He breaks something and cries about being "worthy too." I don't know who he is, but the other dude who looks back over his shoulder looks familiar. Was he around when Sir Kuonen died? Do we have a serial killer in the palace? Or maybe an assassin?

Want to start from the beginning: Episode 1

Next Episode:

Episode 15

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E13 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

My character/locations cheat sheet

Verdigris House- brothel in the Pleasure District

Fengming- LIW to Lady Ah-Duo who was executed

Meimei: one the the 3 princesses at Verdigris House, wears blue, sings, plays go, and chess

Joka: one of the 3 princesses at Verdigris House, wears red

Pairin: one of the 3 princesses at Verdigris House

Luomen: Maomao's father

Suiren - Jinshi's attendant

Opening. Oh lord! It's happening! A scene I've been waiting for. Jinshi with the emperor!

Jinshi: You're serious? Emperor: If so, then what's next? After all, you are the gardener responsible for maintaining my flowers.

I'm not sure what they are talking about, but I'm going to guess that maybe the emperor is asking Jinshi to pick the next Pure Consort, since that position was recently vacated by Lady Ah-Duo. I find it really weird that the emperor would ask someone else to pick a concubine for him, but the choice has more to do with politics than it does with attraction, so perhaps he thinks Jinshi would be better positioned to know what would be the right move?

Jinshi: He truly is cunning.

I won't know what is so cunning about this until more is revealed, but I believe Jinshi's assessment. The emperor almost certainly has a well considered purpose behind all that he does.

Jinshi: How ironic.

Is the irony that the emperor already has an heir in Jinshi, but that Jinshi is being forced to care for the Rear Palace and ensure that another heir is born? One that can be acknowledged as such?

Jinshi: No matter how hard I try, I can only slightly outperform a regular person in intellect and martial arts. Instead, I have been gifted in appearance more beautiful than most.

I think he is undercutting his abilities here. And maybe that has been common place in Jinshi's life. He's so beautiful that it's easy to overlook that he is also sharp as a tack and quite savvy. We've only seen him with a sword once, but in that match he deftly defeated another officer trained in martial arts. So, I think it's possible he's underselling himself there too. I think what is really going on is that Jinshi is resentful that he's so beautiful. His beauty makes him into an object to be desired. People see Jinshi the beauty, not Jinshi the person. It's isolating. Also that beauty has made Jinshi into a tool to be wielded. His beauty is a cage that prevents him from choosing his own path.

Jinshi: The things I truly want in this life, they feel so far out of reach.

Jinshi is a flower in the garden as well. He too is trapped in a cage.

Jinshi: I was dissatisfied at first but I've gotten over it.

I don't believe him.

Jinshi: The emperor has me in the palm of his hand like everyone else.

There is resentment here.

This relationship is very strange. I don't have enough information to read it yet, since the emperor only had one line here. But even so the circumstances are weird.

Jinshi who was born of Lady Ah-Duo would be the emperor's son, and under normal circumstances should have been raised as an heir. But with the baby swap that took place, he was instead raised as the emperor's brother. Presumably someone found out about the switch after the other child had died, so Jinshi and the emperor should also know. It seems the palace never tried to undo the switch, and instead encouraged the current emperor to simply have another heir. That he waited so long to have another child, is strange. That he assigned Jinshi to be in charge of the harem is also strange.

If Jinshi were envious of the throne, this would be cruel to him to make him cultivate another heir to take the position. If Jinshi were ambitious for the throne, it would be dangerous to the other heirs, because were he corrupt he could eliminate them. The emperor seems to trust that Jinshi won't harm any other potential heirs. He is also pretty utilitarian, using Jinshi's beauty as a tool, and being indifferent to whatever emotions Jinshi may have about that.

And Jinshi tells us that he doesn't like this, but he doesn't have a choice. Jinshi's struggles are often those of responsibilities and expectations from his status.

Jinshi: I'll manage the rear palace and whatever else he wants. I have to. It's the only way I can choose my own path.

Even though he doesn't like working in the rear palace, there is something good about it. If he can maintain his position as younger brother to the emperor, rather than being pulled into the line of succession then he will have more choices in how he lives his life. A spare is different than an heir. If one or more of the concubines can bear some male children, then the emperor's succession is secured, and Jinshi is free from the obligations of the throne. He will always be a tool to the emperor, but that's very different from becoming the next in line to the throne.

The ladies at Verdigris House are so excited for Maomao. They are giving her gifts and advice.

Meimei: You've landed yourself what most would consider a dream job at the palace, and you're telling me you can't even dress appropriately for the position?

It's something Maomao needs to hear. There are expectations of her in the palace. She's not going in at the bottom rung this time. She's not a washer girl who can dress however she wants and be overlooked. I don't know exactly what her position in the palace will be, but since Jinshi bought her, well, if it were another man, I would say she would be coming in as his personal concubine, but I don't know what Jinshi has planned for her. Maybe she's going back to the Rear Palace, but I don't really see how she can. She was released from that position for a reason. The Rear Palace has to ensure that anyone that had any connection to Fengming is gone, so they can't very well just bring Maomao back. In any case since Jinshi is bringing her in, she will be a representative of him, and how she presents herself will matter to more than just Maomao.

I've been noticing Joka, the courtesan in red, the last few times I've seen her. Her reactions are not the same as the other princesses. She seems, I don't know, numb, or subdued. I'm not sure if she is hiding something, or if she's depressed, or something else entirely. It's worth keeping an eye on her.

Okay, so Maomao IS going back to the Rear Palace. She gives us a review of everything that happen in the first half of the show. I also noticed a new intro and title card to the show, so this feels like a second season.

Maomao: I was weak, and succumb to the allure of the caterpillar fungus.

Lol. Maomao. It's not even true. She wanted out of her courtesan contract more than anything and she wanted to return to the palace, but I'm sure she's feeling all kinds of vulnerable with Jinshi buying out her contract, so here we see her reframe the event as a lack of impulse control for a medicinal ingredient.

Regardless, she is excited about this move. She admits to being reluctant to leave her dad, but she's coming in with more freedom this time. She isn't an indentured servant, instead she is... well, she is in whatever her undefined situation with Jinshi is. Maomao and I are both going to need some clarity on that.

Maomao is baffled because her father has told her to do as she likes. So Luomen has also realized what is going on between Maomao and Jinshi and encourages her to make her own choice in that regard. Maomao is oblivious, thinks she's going to the palace to be a food taster again. But everyone else around her, from the courtesans at Verdigris House to her father, acknowledges that having a high ranking official pay a fortune to buy you out of your debts, might mean there is something more going on. Not to mention the very personal gift of the rare fungus. Maomao's friends and family are both seeing something that's there and reading into something that's not. Jinshi is committed to Maomao, and wants more with her, they see that. But everyone is assuming Maomao is going off to the palace to live with her lover, and that's not the case. Maomao just can't imagine that anyone would see her as desirable and so she's perplexed by the gifts and well wishes.

Luomen sets Maomao straight on a few things. She won't be able to make poisons in the palace. She's not going there as a physician. She chose to go to the palace to work, instead of staying in the Pleasure District to be an apothecary with her father. There was always going to be a sacrifice in any choice she made, and this is part of that.

She scoots her bed closer to her father, on this final night in his house. Luomen teases her and calls her baby, to which Maomao responds that it's cold. Yeah it is. Cold like this father-daughter relationship. Maybe Luomen is just frosty because she chose to leave him here because he says, "soon we'll be lonely again." But Maomao assures him, that this time she'll be able to come home whenever she wants. Luomen shows some genuine warmth to her when he pats her head and affirms that she is welcome to come back any time. She considers the people she counts as family: her father, the madame and ladies of the Verdigris House. It's a comfort to know there are people here that would welcome her back. It's a strength she needs behind her as she willingly steps into the unknown of her future.

Jinshi comes to pick up Maomao at Verdigris House. To the courtesans, Maomao is achieving the highest aspiration a girl from the brothel could hope for. She's been selected by a high ranking, wealthy official, who seems to have genuine feelings for her. She's going off to live as a high class lady in the palace. In their eyes she's achieved status, wealth, security, and maybe even love. And they couldn't be prouder. They are like bridesmaids preparing a bride for her new life. And so they do everything they can to make Maomao look like a high class lady. Maomao is ✨sparkling✨. Which has a profound effect on Jinshi.

I'm reminded of Jinshi's thoughts from the top of the episode:

Jinshi: The things I truly want in this life, they feel so far out of reach.

And yet here is Maomao, dressed in finery, looking every bit like a high class lady. Could she fit in his life?

It takes zero seconds for word to spread about Jinshi's new courtesan. There is literally a crowd of people gathered around the brothel to gawk. Maomao is getting a ton of attention.

Maomao: I hope you realize, this is your fault. All of this unwanted attention.

It couldn't possibly be that Maomao is beautiful, it must be because of Jinshi.

Jinshi: well, that's because you look...

Like what Jinshi? Finish your sentence!

Maomao: I look what? Jinshi: It's nothing.

He can't say all the things he's thinking because she'll pull back. He'll do anything to prevent that gulf between them from widening. Plus to compliment her in this scenario may sound suggestive. Which he needs to be very careful about. If she is interested in him and wants to move their relationship to something more romantic then Jinshi would most likely be pleased, but if she feels that she is obligated to do so because he bought her contract, then... well I don't think that's what he wants.

I also think he's frustrated here. He's frustrated that he can't tell her what he feels and he's frustrated that her appearance could breed competition.

Oh yeah, he is jealous. A guard is dazed by the glimpse he caught of Maomao. Jinshi distinctly does not like it, and physically gets between Maomao and the man so he can't see her. Wow, my dude.

Jinshi: By the way, while you're here, you should wear your regular freckles.

I'm laughing, because Jinshi is jealous and that's a good look on him, but I still don't like what he's saying. She might read this comment to mean that the palace is not a safe place for women, but that's not what Jinshi is afraid of. He's afraid someone else will notice how beautiful Maomao is, and try to charm her. It is possessive and controlling behavior from Jinshi. Which we have seen before in the way he has maneuvered Maomao in the past. Jinshi has made progress, but he still doesn't fully respect her yet. I guess the man needs more painful lessons. I do so enjoy watching him suffer.

Palace gossip! The Rear Palace Manager has bought a new courtesan from the Verdigris House!

I'm reminded of a rumor that went around, way back in... let me check... episode 5! It was said that a servant girl seduced a military officer who infamously hates women. I thought at the time that the rumor was about Maomao and Jinshi, and if I'm right then Jinshi has a reputation for "hating woman." Or at least consistently turning them down. Which is why the news that he has now brought in a courtesan is so juicy.

And we have a mysterious new character who overhears the gossip and simply says, "how fascinating." Who is this guy? I can't place his age. I think he is dressed like other military officials. He is in a large office. Is it his own office? Is he a high ranking official? We see him playing Go, so we can assume he's an intelligent, maybe even strategic thinker. I immediately don't like that he is interested in Jinshi's actions. Is he a rival?

Maomao: What is this guy doing?

Jinshi is acting like a damn fool. He's doing his best to block the view of Maomao from every man on the street. Gaoshun is so disappointed.

Jinshi has taken Maomao to his own personal house. Maomao was wrong. She can't go back to the Rear Palace, after being fired from there.

She meets the attendant of Jinshi's residence, an older woman named Suiren, who calls her "Xiaomao." Maomao instantly looks at Gaoshun, since that's the pet name he has been using for her for a few episodes now. I wonder what Suiren was told about Maomao's arrival. Suiren also refers to Jinshi as the "young master." She points out where Jinshi's office is, where his personal residence is, and purposefully where his bedroom is. This lady is under the same impression as everyone else, when it comes to Maomao. Maomao is still contemplating why Jinshi would be referred to as the young master, but Suiren reads that as Maomao worrying about her responsibilities in Jinshi's bedroom, and says, "I'm sure you are going to be all right." Maomao is clueless as always when it comes to the topic of her own desirability.

Maomao is surprised to find that she's been given a nice room in Jinshi's residence. It almost seems like a nice enough room to give to a beloved new concubine.

Jinshi, who has seen a vision of Maomao in his life as a classy lady, informs her that she's not going to be a servant here. She needs to study to take a test to be accepted as a court lady. Maomao is truly blindsided. She really thought she was going to be a servant in the palace. We can guess her thoughts: A court lady? Surely I'm not fit for that! We see again how her self esteem stymies her.

We see Maomao at the next dawn, painting on her freckles as requested, and donning her old green robes, rather than the beautiful robes she arrived in. And I have to question, once again, just what the hell Jinshi thinks he is doing. On the one hand he wants her to study to become a court lady, so she can have the status to stay at his side in his residence. On the other hand he thwarts that very effort by discouraging her from dressing the part, when he asked her to paint on her freckles. Even though she wears her old outer robes, she has been provided a very nice cotton inner robe. Something that would be appropriate for a new concubine regular servant.

Maomao finds Suiren in the kitchen, doing all of the work of handling Jinshi's personal affairs, by herself. The other female attendants that used to work there, couldn't restrain their lust for Jinshi and had to be let go. It seems someone left underwear made of hair in Jinshi's closet. If anyone knows the significance of this garment please share.

Maomao gets to accompany Suiren to wake Jinshi up, and Maomao gets a good look at a disheveled Jinshi first thing in the morning.

Maomao: So much wasted sex appeal.

If only his robe were open a little lower, she may realize this guy is not a eunuch.

Maomao: I can see why only Master Gaoshun and Lady Suiren are allowed his room.

And you. Dumbass.

Maomao is deep into a fantasy of being able to use Jinshi's sex appeal to bottle as an aphrodisiac. If she's looking greedily at Jinshi right now, it has less to do with his effect on her and more to do with her obsession with medicine.

Jinshi: If you desire it, I can seek you out a different room.

Is he... he's suggesting his own room, isn't he? He's teasing her for staring.

Maomao notices an intense glare from Gaoshun.

Maomao: If he wants me to understand, he's going to have to be more direct.

Yeah, like maybe try a sledgehammer. If it has to do with Maomao's being desirable, she'll never figure it out on her own.

She really doesn't get it. And requests a different room. LOL! Maomao! Jinshi denies her request. Gaoshun and Suiren look pained by this interaction. Perhaps Suiren will have a better understanding of how things actually are between Jinshi and Maomao after witnessing this debacle. Gaoshun has been suffering through this disaster of a courtship for a year now.

Maomao learns that Jinshi actually does a lot of work, even though he found so much time to loiter around the Rear Palace when she was there. Gee I wonder why he spent so much of his precious time there. Maomao is also told to stay away from the east side of the palace where all of the military officers are. It wouldn't be right for a prized concubine regular servant to be seen there with a bunch of men after all. It's important that she learn the many departments of the outer palace if she is going to be a court lady, something Maomao still hasn't really committed to yet.

Maomao stocks some charcoal in Jinshi's office while he's out and she gets the impression that Jinshi holds a rather high position. Some day she will figure out who he is, or you know, ask him about it, but she's committed to living in denial right now.

The court ladies that work in the outer palace have qualifications, background, and education that make them fit for their positions. Maomao has none of that, though I have no doubt she could be successful at it if she wanted to. She doesn't. She mentioned that it is hard for her to learn about things she isn't interested in. She's not interested in this. Jinshi may need to rethink his plan for Maomao. Or wild idea, maybe talk to her about it.

But talking to each other feels so risky right now. They haven't clarified at all what it means that Jinshi bought her and moved her into his house. It feels like if they start to question this undefined relationship then things could fall apart. So they both tip toe around one another, never mentioning the giant issue between them. It's too scary to try and move ahead; neither is willing to risk letting it fall apart. This tenuous situation cannot last for long. There are so many things that could disrupt it.

Some palace ladies come to meet Maomao, and they are pissed. They call her a runt, and imply she must have done something to get assigned directly to Jinshi's residence. Maomao is straight up transfixed on this woman's bosom. Maomao's flat chest is a something she seems to be self conscious about.

Maomao: So what you're saying is that all of you are envious of me?

She's got it right. But it's a little too honest for these terrible people. The angriest one slaps Maomao. Maomao twists the words of these ladies. If Maomao, "an ugly girl," is receiving special treatment from Jinshi, then surely he must have atrocious taste; he must have interesting proclivities. They do not want to be accused of spreading gossip about Jinshi, and that stalls them. Maomao shows them her arm, and implies that Jinshi took her in merely out of pity. One of these ladies is clearly different than the rest. She almost seems subdued or something. I'm not quite sure, her reactions are off though. Either way, the ladies are pacified for now, and they leave.

Jinshi saw at least part of that exchange, and he is not happy. He doesn't care about what she said about him having "interesting proclivities." He even teases her about it. He might even be impressed by how Maomao was able to turn the ladies words back at them. But he really didn't like seeing her have to defend herself for simply being there in his residence. Or the fact that someone hit Maomao.

Jinshi: Question. Is being harassed a common occurrence for you?

Honestly, I'm glad he saw it. She never would have told him about this. I'm not sure what he can do about it, but she's a person under his protection, and he at least should know it's happening.

Perhaps Jinshi is getting his first insight into how his status impacts Maomao. She becomes a target because she is connected to him. Those who are jealous of the attention she gets, can easily take that out on her. And if it is known that Jinshi cares about her, Maomao becomes an easy target to attack Jinshi, because someone could hurt Maomao to hurt Jinshi. Or they could use her to try to manipulate him. She's a vulnerability for Jinshi. And maybe he hasn't realized that before now.

Jinshi asks why she showed the ladies her arm. Maomao gets real weird about it and slinks off. I know some day we will find out what the deal is with her arm, but until then the mystery grows.

As she's leaving Jinshi encourages her to study for the court ladies' exam. I don't see how this is going to work. She doesn't want to do it. I entertained the idea that maybe this has to do with her self-esteem issues, and it may, but it's not the whole story. She wants to be an apothecary. So unless court ladies can go around studying and practicing medicine, this is maybe not going to work out.

Maomao does study a bit for the exam. Maybe she felt obligated after looking at her precious caterpillar fugus. But in any case, she fails the exam. She won't be able to hold a respectable court lady position after all. Rather she is made to be Jinshi's personal servant.

Jinshi: What should we do?

He should have discussed this with Maomao from the beginning. He can try as he likes, but he's not going to be able to make Maomao into something she doesn't want to be. If he wants to find a place for Maomao in his life, he's going to have to make sure she wants that too.

Maomao gets distracted by some medicinal herbs and wanders into an area she shouldn't be. I'm guessing it's the east end of the palace where all of the military officers are. The court lady who was less enthusiastically mean earlier, hits Maomao in the head and tells her:

You should know your place. There's no reason for you to go beyond this point.

Maomao notices that this lady smells of sandalwood and something distinctly bitter. I don't remember sandalwood coming up before, but something bitter, could it be an illness? Or perhaps a specific treatment for a condition? Maomao knows. She's giving this lady a thoughtful look.

And apparently this is the part of the palace where the military officers hang out. We get another look at our mysterious new character. He's taken an interest in Maomao. Probably because he has realized she's important to Jinshi. My, my, how ripe for drama.

Cryptic ending. Someone hands a fancy pipe to a guard. The figure is cloaked. My initial thought is that it's Maomao offering a treatment to the lady she just ran into, but maybe not. The music clues me in that this is a nefarious person up to nefarious deeds. Maybe they are selling opium or some other drug. Is that an opium pipe? I legit don't know. Okay a quick web search has me convinced that is an opium pipe. So the distinct bitter smell that Maomao noticed was that of opium. And now we know why that lady from earlier was a bit more subdued, she was on drugs.

Interesting episode. The whole show has changed, and feels very different from the first half.

Maomao is getting a much more intimate view of just who Jinshi is and what his life entails. Hopefully, she will be able to relieve herself of some of the misconceptions she has about him, and maybe even start to examine some of her feelings towards this person. Jinshi is going to to have to adjust his expectations of her, and work on giving her reasons to want to be with him, rather than trying to change her into something she's not. I'm super interested to see how Maomao and Jinshi will be able to fit their lives together.

If people start dropping from using opium, then Maomao may be able to help. Solving mysteries where she really shines. So if Jinshi can just find a way to make her a court forensic investigator, that would be great.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Next episode:

Episode 14

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

Luo Binghe: 🐑 😈

Shen Qingqiu: 🥒🪭

Wei Wuxian: 🪈🧟‍♀️

Lan Wangji: 🗡️☁️

Xie Lian: 🌸🗡️

Hua Cheng: 🦋🩸

#someone do this better than me please #I feel like Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are pretty obvious but what to do with the others? #Luo Binghe is suppose to be a lamb because SQQ calls him a little lamb when he's young. And then a demon. IDK. #I feel like I missed something obvious with Binghe #Maybe he needs an evil sword? #But actually they all need a sword. #Except wwx. Poor guy can't wield it anymore. #I also struggled with Wangji. Like a sword for Bichen and cloud for cloud recesses. Someone help poor LWJ with his emojis #Does lwj have anything that defines him? #Biting? Is biting his thing? #WWX is just a flute with zombies which I think fits but still #this post is so important to me #I am desperate for someone to do it justice #like please help #this is my lifes most important work #tgcf #ren zha fanpai zijiu xitong #rzfzx #tian guan ci fu #mo dao zu shi #grandmaster of demonic cultivation #the grandmaster of demonic cultivation #founder of diabolism #cql #chen qing ling #the untamed #heaven officials blessing #heaven official's blessing #mxtx #mxtx novels

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Apothecary Diaries

S1E12 First Watch

Here's where I watch The Apothecary Diaries for the first time and give my thoughts, analysis, predictions, and occasionally I stumble into a joke.

To start at the beginning:

Episode 1

Character/Location Cheat Sheet:

Sir Kounen- a formerly respected officer, who recently died

Verdigris House- a brothel that Maomao works for

Lihaku - the young officer that made a deal with Maomao

Every episode, I think Oh this is my new favorite episode. And this episode is no exception. I freaking loved this.

Oh Jinshi. The crux of your challenges has trapped you firmly, and you can't escape without making a monumental decision.

Everything in Jinshi's character arc has been leading to this moment. Will he choose to submit to the obligations of his station, or will he try to protect Maomao from this? Would she even want to be protected? Her sense of of responsibility may prevent her from wanting to escape punishment for this, but she's not personally guilty, perhaps she should be protected without her knowledge? Isn't this scenario exactly what Maomao warned could happen? That Jinshi would be powerless to prevent harm coming to Maomao?

Gaoshun offers to cover it up.

Gaoshun: We could conceal this if you wish?

Jinshi: Should I wish? Have I the right?

Jinshi's been able to get by without naming the emotions up until now. No, that's not right. I think he knows what he feels. But now he questions the appropriateness of those feelings. How deep do they go? What is he willing to do because of them? Should he even be having feelings for someone who hasn't indicated that she returns them? Does he have the right to act on her behalf when it's only him who feels this way? When she's said before that she wants to leave the palace what right does he have to keep her there?

Jinshi: Just or otherwise, if I say it, it's done.

He could do it. He could protect her from this.

Jinshi: I should just give the order. It would be such a simple thing. Conceal the facts. Keep her right here at the rear palace.

He's tempted to do it.

Jinshi: But what of will? Is mere compliance enough? How would she feel if she learned she'd been maneuvered to stay? In a place she loathes so.

Radical idea here, but he could ask her.

Got to appreciate that Jinshi is sparing a thought to how Maomao would feel about being maneuvered, as if he hasn't been doing just that throughout the entirety of their relationship. I'm glad he's realizing that it's not great behavior. Picked a hell of a time to learn respect, but here we are. We will have to watch and see if this lesson sticks.

Jinshi: I'm terrified of widening that rift growing between us any further.

Jinshi! You're so self aware! Good work!

I've thought for awhile now that Jinshi's main struggles come from external sources like the pressures of his station and expectations of this status. He seems to understand pretty well what he's feeling, and he even knows what he wants, so he's way ahead of a lot of other male leads. In this moment what he feels and what he wants is in conflict with what is expected of him. But he doesn't struggle for long with it, he's willing to defy those expectations. And what a thing to see. Jinshi just so easily lets go of the expectations of his position. He shouldn't even think about letting this girl go. The order to punish her has been given, there is no room for him to question it, it is simply his duty to fulfill it. But here we are. Very telling that. Instead, what he struggles with is: what is the best choice for Maomao. Is it better to protect her and keep her nearby or let her receive the punishment which, it sounds like would also free her from the palace?

And so he doesn't know what he should do.

Gaoshun: Master Jinshi. I thought she was just a convenient pawn to you?

Gaoshun.... you've been here the whole time, have you not been paying attention? At least listen to gossip if you can't read the room. Everyone knows what's up with these two.

That question does stop Jinshi though. He makes a frustrated sigh through his nose. No. Not merely a pawn. But the question does really force the issue: does Jinshi claim these his feelings? Even if he does, should he take them into account when making this decision? What is best for Maomao?

I do enjoy seeing him suffer.

Palace gossip! Mass lay offs! Anyone with any connection to Fengming's family is being evicted!

Maomao pieces together the problem right away. Oh poor Maomao! She's searching everywhere for Jinshi but can't find him! And she's in a panic. Her panic is making me feel panicky! I know she's worried about ending up in the brothel, and we've seen this from Maomao before. She's terrified that she might end up as a courtesan. To put this into perspective, Maomao walked into the Garnet Palace last episode, with her torso wrapped in stiffened cloth because she thought she might get slashed. And she didn't bat an eye to do that. The thought of serving clients as a courtesan is worse than the fear of death to Maomao. I'm not sure if there is more to this fear than we've already seen or not. It looks like a trauma response. That mixed with her fear of intimacy, and oof, that's a bleak future for Maomao.

Jinshi stopped in to the empty Garnet Palace. He's missing his mother. Perhaps, this is the type of thing they would have talked about, and he no longer has her to turn to for her guidance. He's so alone here, both physically in the pavilion, and emotionally, as he tries to make sense of his emotions and thoughts.

She found him! He seemed almost reluctant to turn around when he heard her call. He doesn't want to do what comes next. But he's not one to shy away from difficult conversations, even this one.

Jinshi: My how rare. You're flustered.

He tries a teasing greeting, a familiar way of relating to Maomao, maybe even a mask from him to hide the turbulence inside. Neither one of them is calm right now, even though Jinshi is doing a good job of projecting it. Maomao isn't interested in pretending to be calm, couldn't be calm even if she wanted to. She can't even form a sentence at first. Jinshi immediately drops the teasing and brings her inside to talk.

Maomao wants to know about the layoffs, if they affect her, if she's to be let go. And Jinshi hesitates in his response.

Maomao: So then, I'm to be let go too? Jinshi: ...are you?

Jinshi is letting his fear override his usually keen perception. He hears her question as hopeful.

I thought she was just a convenient pawn to you? No, she's more, he knows it. But he may be nothing more than a pawn to her. Jinshi doesn't think she returns his feelings, and if she leaves, she never will. He hears her say "I'm to be let go too?" and his heart breaks, she wants to leave.

I thought she was just a convenient pawn to you? No. She's not a pawn. She isn't something he can move around to his liking. He can't force her into a life she doesn't want. He has to let her leave.

Maomao: As Lady Gyokuyou's lady in waiting, I can ply my craft with both purpose and support. A lifestyle I cherish most dearly.

She loves living here. It is rewarding to be able to use her skills to help others. Her purpose is in how she can best serve others, and this position has allowed her to do that. She is proving her capability to herself by repeatedly succeeding on her own, rather than operating under the supervision of Luomen. This place has been good for her.

Maomao: But still, I'm just a lowly servant, I'm in no position to assert my wishes here. No matter what, I mustn't beg.

And just like Jinshi is caught by the crux of his own challenges, so is Maomao. Her worst fears about becoming a courtesan are about to come to bear, but she still can't find the self-worth to think herself worthy of asking for another path.

Maomao: My place is one of service. Should I remain then I'll be of use, from kitchen duty to food tasting. Whatever you want of me.

Jinshi considers it bitterly, whatever I want. He knows Maomao would agree to anything that Jinshi asks of her right now. If he were a different kind of man he could ask for any number of things, but none of it would be what he really wants, which is for Maomao to feel the same way.

Furthermore, she says "whatever you want of me." Yet she never says what it is that she wants. But Jinshi doesn't need for her to say that she wants to leave, after all she didn't choose this life. It was forced upon her. And who wouldn't want the freedom to make their own choices about how they should live their life? Certainly Jinshi can understand that. Whatever he wants. It doesn't matter here.

Maomao would do just about anything to avoid leaving the palace at this moment. She is so anxious as she awaits her sentence but won't speak a single word to try and sway Jinshi. To the man who always asks for her thoughts, she says none of them in this moment when it matters most.

And it's to the detriment of them both.

Jinshi: Fine then. I'll let you go.

He's letting go of everything here. He's not just letting her go from the palace, he's releasing his grasp on her. The control he has to maneuver her, the claim he laid when he gave her the hair pin, the friendship they have tenuously built up, everything. She's about to walk out of his life, and he's going to let her. He thinks this is what she wants...

Jinshi is too afraid to read Maomao, afraid of what he might see there, too wrapped up in his own pain and fear to see what her reactions reveal. He chokes back everything that's eating him alive and says he'll let her go. Which falls like a death sentence on Maomao.

A tragic miscommunication. 😭

I love what it means for the story though! Maomao is going to have to face her fears! And Jinshi... well, I just hope he'll be okay... He's had a series of major losses (Sir Kounen, Lady Ah-Duo, now Maomao). I'm actually a little worried here.

But this story was due for a shake up and Maomao has growth to do, and she's not going to do it without facing her trials. I don't write the rules, it's just how stories work!

Honestly I'm a little excited to see how she handles the debt to the brothel. I feel like her worst fears from episode 1 are about to come true. She's going to have to work at the brothel! Will Jinshi know? What will he do if he finds out? What will I do when I find out!

Oh Jinshi... is not doing well. Yeah, that wrecked him.

Gaoshun: How long do you intend to sulk like that.

That's... not a helpful thing to say. Jinshi is pretty depressed actually. And considering that he has taken hit after hit to his support network, he could really use a friend right now, not... whatever the fuck Gaoshun thinks he's doing.

Gaoshun: You could have ordered her to stay you know.

No, Gaoshun, you don't know. Jinshi has more emotional intelligence in his honeyed little finger, than you have in your whole being.

Gaoshun at least has been keeping tabs on what Maomao has been up to. We learn that she had a week to say goodbye and prepare to leave and then return to the Pleasure District. I wonder if Jinshi is also following Maomao's movements. I think he probably isn't. I think he really is trying to give her the clean break he thinks she wants. And really, wouldn't hearing about what she's been up to, just be more painful to him?

Lady Gyokuyou knows what this means to Jinshi and tells him he's made a blunder. "Blunder of the century," she calls it. God, I love her.

Wow somehow Gaoshun has managed to finally figure out that Maomao is not just a toy to Jinshi. I wonder what clued him in? Was it the utter heartbreak or the crippling depression?

Gaoshun: He only really let her go because he couldn't bear the thought of using her.

Yes.... that is correct! Good job Gaoshun!

Gaoshun is worried Jinshi won't get past this. He wants to intervene on his own. I knew he had a soft spot for Maomao! Or maybe he can't stand to see Jinshi in this state. I know it's breaking my heart. Either way I hope Gaoshun can do something! Because I'm pretty sure neither of these idiots are going to make the first move themselves.

Yup Maomao fell directly into the clutches of the Madame of Verdigris House.

She's got to go to a party outside the brothel at a wealthy nobleman's mansion. The courtesans are eager to give Maomao a glam up, and yeah she looks beautiful this way, but I wonder how she feels. She's not panicking, or being dragged to the party, so in some way she must have accepted her situation. She's always been adaptable in the past. It helps that she isn't expected to take clients of her own yet.

But it is on her mind. She list a bunch of courtesan's skills that she doesn't possess, and describes herself as "just an apothecary's daughter." We once again see her self deprecating thoughts. She can't understand what the Madame sees of value in her.

Why does the Madame insist that Maomao become a courtesan even without special skills? First of all, Maomao, may not see it, but obviously she's lovely. One only need to pay attention to the reactions she gets from those around her. She hears those compliments as meaningless flattery, and not as they are meant, which is earnestly. Second, Maomao is captivating. She's intelligent, and funny, insightful, and witty. She could charm the pants off of any client, if she were inclined to do so.

OMG, I'm excited for this party!

Maomao considers and rejects stealing. Lol. She does seem to struggle with impulse control. We've seen her binge drink before. And we've been told she can't be trusted with to be ethical with corpses. I'll add desire to steal to the list.

Lihaku came through with some of his connections to make this night happen. Awesome, he owes Maomao big time, so I'm glad he's able to do at least this.

Maomao decides to grin and bear her way through the night, as the courtesan's ply their skills to create an enchanting atmosphere.

Holy shit it's Jinshi! At the courtesan party! Yay!

Oh this is what Gaoshun arranged! He must have met with Lihaku to organize it. Good man Gaoshun. Way to maneuver Jinshi. Also, Gaoshun is finally on team JinMao! Took him long enough! I guess he just needed to know Jinshi was serious about Maomao. Gaoshun is captain of the of the ship today!

By the way, how the hell did Gaoshun get Jinshi to attend this party?! He so clearly doesn't want to be here. Is this like when guys drag their heartbroken buddies out to the club to try to cheer them up? Or does Jinshi often go out with the guys for a night on the town? Or to enjoy an evening with courtesans? I'm sure Jinshi is tons of fun at parties what with his taking pranks too far, and crying when drunk.

She frickin touched him! She did it herself! Is this an impulse she gave in to, or did she do it deliberately?

Jinshi wants nothing to do with some random courtesan at this party and asked to be left alone, until Maomao calls his name and he instantly reaches for her. She flinches back. There is a no touch policy. I wonder whether that's the only reason she pulls back. We saw in the last episode, that Maomao allowed Jinshi to hold her, and I wondered if that level of intimacy would last. Here these two are in a totally different environment, freed from the power inequality that existed between them before. She could allow him to touch her, if she chose to. Her excuse before about how he shouldn't touch her because of her class, doesn't work here. She's a courtesan, and he's a client. If she allows it, it's perfectly acceptable for him to touch her.

Jinshi comments on her makeup, but I think what he means here, is that he didn't recognize her because she looked so different, not that he has a preference of her with or without makeup. He asks why she is dressed the way she is, and is shocked to learn that she's working at this party. And yup, he hasn't been keeping track of her since she left the palace. He really did intend to let her go.

Maomao is somehow offended that Jinshi would think that she's taking clients at this party full of courtesans, after she just told him she's working here. It's a very understandable assumption for Jinshi to make, but she doesn't like that he thinks of her that way. She wants to be respectable in his eyes, even if she doesn't think she's worthy of him.

Jinshi wants to buy her out of here. No thought. Just offers it instantly. Good man. I do think he offers it with pure intensions, though, boy could it be taken with implications. Maomao mutters "actually that could work," and for a split second Jinshi thinks she's considering something he didn't mean to offer here.

Holy shit this is the realest conversation they've ever had and all it took was life altering circumstances and every possibility that they would never see each other again. A lot of the pretense between them has fallen away, because there is no reason to hold back their thoughts or emotions now. Maomao has already left the palace and Jinshi has no control over her here. She's free to interact with him honestly. And Jinshi, is hiding nothing. This is the most transparent I have seen him be with Maomao. Just completely open, with everything spilling out.

Maomao makes Jinshi laugh, when she says the only thing she missed while working in the rear palace was being able to dabble in poisons. And that is probably the first time he has laughed or even smiled since this lady walked out of his life over a week ago. You can almost see the weight lifting off him, as the conversation progresses.

It's such a beautiful scene, it's like the cloud of dread that has been hanging over both of them, is able to dissipate. Jinshi will help get Maomao out of here, and back to where she wants to be, and he'll have her close again, working in the palace. He really only needs the smallest drop of hope to motivate him.

Alone each of them struggles to face their separate challenges. Maomao with her crushing debt to the brothel, and the "sordid fate" she is desperate to avoid. Jinshi with his crushing isolation and loneliness. Together, they can easily solve each others problems. They work better when they work together.

The next exchange requires us to read between the lines but is so important:

Jinshi: Do people ever tell you, you're hard to read?

I'm sorry I misunderstood you.

Maomao: Yes. Routinely.

I'm sorry I didn't tell you what I wanted.

And just like that, they're friends again. This is the best.

And Jinshi, would really, really like to touch her now. She took her boundary down for him before, and now she's trying to put it back up. He's not having it. They've both worked hard to take down the walls between them, and he's not going to let her retreat just because she's scared. He keeps pushing her, until he gets a concession.

Maomao: And here I'd almost forgotten how persistent this guy could be.

It's something she likes about him. That he doesn't give up on her. That he pushes her to be brave and take chances. She sighs and acts like she's begrudgingly allowing him a favor, but I think she's actually nervous, and anticipative. It's not something she could ever ask him to do, and probably not something she would like to admit she wants from him. That he has been so persistent gives her the pretense she needs to indulge in it, without having to examine her own desires.

Woah.

Holy shit.! That was actually really hot.

Jinshi touched her lips with his fingers then he touched them to his own.

Damn, I love when characters do that. When they take a bite of food at the same place as the person of their affections. Or drink from a cup in the same spot. When you do it in front of that person, it's a declaration of a desire to kiss them. And the freaking eye contact right after. God damn.

Jinshi has no right being this hot right now, with that smudge of lipstick on his own lips. Maomao agrees. So does everyone at the party. Literally every courtesan in the room thought that was hot as fuck. Could there be any higher praise?

Of course Gaoshun is pleased! Freaking Gaoshun whose life just got so much easier, now that his boss isn't going to be sulking all week. Gaoshun who arranged this whole affair. Gaoshun the MVP, the GOAT, the KING. Thank you my man for saving the JinMao ship!

Maomao blanks out for the rest of the night, unable to think of anything but that kiss thing that Jinshi did. Most of the other courtesans are so, so happy for her (I'm not sure about the one in red). In their eyes Maomao just did something amazing. She so thoroughly enchanted a man in her first night of working that he offered to buy her out. None of them are jealous, none of them are questioning what he saw in her. They are just so very happy for this girl they adore.

We see her later, back in Verdigris house, she's freckle free and feeling mostly okay about it. We aren't seeing the anxiety that we did before. She still thinks it's a good idea to paint them on her face, because altering her appearance does offer her more protection, but it seems like her motives for wanting to do it are shifting slightly.

Maomao ponders the quirks of her strange fate. And how much things have changed in the year or so that she's been at the palace. She's worried about the people in the rear palace. It's where her heart and mind keep straying.

The Madame asks Maomao what she plans to do from now on. And that is the question isn't it. She'll have to pay off Verdigris House of course, but she already knows Jinshi will help her with that. Will she have a debt to him for this? She will probably see it as such, regardless of how Jinshi sees it. They didn't exactly go into details when they were discussing Jinshi buying her out of her contract, but it sounded like Maomao was planning on working off that debt at the palace. I get the feeling that this won't be like before, where Maomao was an indentured servant. Where she was forced to do whatever was asked of her. I think she'll be offered a job as a free agent. An employee with a lot of debt, but not one who is owned by the palace. But is this what Maomao wants? She loved working as Lady Gyokuyou's food taster. Will she be able to return to that position after just being expelled from it? Will Jinshi offer her a totally different job? Maybe there is something she is even more suited to, that she will enjoy? Somewhere in the palace that she can still practice medicine. Regardless, we know Jinshi will seek her help in the quandaries that fall to him. Also, will her new position in the palace give her a chance to visit the mysterious "annex?" I'm not giving up on that until this show explains it!

Maomao: It's not as if the Rear Palace and brothels are really that different.

Again comparing the two places.

Maomao is at her father's home, and can't sleep. Maomao is pondering what she wants. She may really have some latitude to choose her path now. She could just stay at her father's home. She could help in the garden, continue to learn medicine from him, slowly take over his apothecary trade. It's the path she thought she wanted in the beginning of the story.

She's back where she started this story but she's not at all the same.

But now she's seen a different path. She loved her work in the Rear Palace. There were people there who relied upon her, and it felt really good to be needed and wanted. There are people there that she cares about. Should she really walk away from them?

Maomao: The difference between a brothel and a palace is ornamental. It's a garden and it's a cage.

We see Maomao in the snow covered garden. It's Winter, the snow blankets everything. It's a time of rest and reflection. A time to prepare for the spring that will come. Maomao reflects on a series of images that took place over the last year, perhaps she's reflecting on her role in each of the scenarios, ways she was able to be of help to others. She has the agency to choose her place now, so where will she choose to plant herself this Spring? Where will she grow and blossom? Which garden will she allow to cage her?

And of course Jinshi came for her. Was there ever any doubt? He brings a fortune with him to pay off Maomao's contract. I'm choosing to believe that he far over paid because Maomao is worth a great deal more than any debt she owed. And Jinshi, god he's so thoughtful and brilliant for this, he brings her a rare herb. She knows what it is with a glance and now she's just as happy as the Madame. He really pays attention to everything, and knew precisely what would make a perfect gift for her. A gift he didn't have to bring. A gift that is so well done, that it changes what is the disreputable business of buying another human being, into something else entirely. This is much more like a bride price, given by a groom to the family of a bride. Not that I think that is what is happening here, but the significance of the gift changes the implications of this moment.

This episode seems to revolve around choice. Specifically for Maomao. Small choices like, should she allow Jinshi to touch her? And big choices, like what kind of life will she choose for herself? Whereas in the first part of this series, Maomao adapted to whatever situation she was thrown in, now she can do what she wants. But that requires her to know what she wants. And that requires self-reflection and honesty. Vulnerability. Which is something Maomao consistently struggles with. I'm so interested to see what she chooses.

To start at the beginning:

Chapter 1

Next Episode:

Episode 13

#the apothecary diaries #apothecary diaries #maomao #jinshi #jinmao

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

strongest martial god

#tgcf

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

The Untamed screencap redraws with my designs 

(that can be found here: https://tbgkaru-woh.tumblr.com/post/700071010803892224/tbgkaru-woh-the-untamed-mo-dao-zu-shi-my-own ) 

#mdzs

[i-guess-im-into-this-now]

Yuri on Ice remains a treasure. It's devastating that there won't be more to the series. There were so many stories yet to tell.

Farewell, sweet prince.

#yuri on ice #yuri on ice adolescence #yoi #viktor