ineednewroommatespls

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Do you think if Jesus came back in the next decade he would wear a snap back?"

#roommates #quotes #asking the real questions #jesus #snapback #jesus christ #no context #why not #funny #lol #college #p

[ineednewroommatespls]

"The puppy bowl starts at three so we have to start drinking at noon."

#roommates #quotes #puppy bowl #better than the super bowl #football #puppies #super bowl #funny #lol #college #got our priorities straight #m

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Hey, thanks for doing that, but I'm not gonna suck your dick."

#roommates #quotes #no context #probably not about what you think #funny #lol #college #m

[ineednewroommatespls]

"I feel like Shrek in the Whobilation!!"

#roommates #quotes #the grinch #how the grinch stole christmas #but also shrek somehow #shrek #whobilation #funny #college #m #happy holidays

[ineednewroommatespls]

“Ya know when ya back kidneys hurt?!”

“...You mean your kidney?”

#college #funny #lol #k #p #finals week #kidneys #back problems #roommates #none of us are doctors but i guess we might know what we're talking about

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Remember when I wrote a eulogy for the lime flavored skittle?"

#taste the same #college #roommates #lol #funny #skittles #rip green skittles #me #candy #the lime skittle is better than the green apple skittle fight me #skittles discourse #fight me #they ruined skittles i s2g #i know they but thats false #i have firat hand evidence that they are trying to scam the economy #rest in pieces

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Don't be so concerned, it's just a breakfast sandwich."

#roommates #quotes #breakfast #breakfast sandwich #funny #no context #lol #college #m #k

[ineednewroommatespls]

"I had hot flashes last night and by hot flashes I mean a single hot flash. I woke up sweating."

#roommates #quotes #ah those menopause scares #happens more often than youd think #menopause #funny #lol #context not needed #no context #college #m

[ineednewroommatespls]

"All the weird shit you two do, and you think me kissing her toe is weird?!?"

#roommates #quotes #no context #toes #whyd you kiss a toe? #to prove a point probably #funny #college #m #s

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Can you imagine someone swimming with both your legs moving togeth---mermaid. Never mind."

#roommates #quotes #mermaids #swimming #lol #funny #college #k

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Is she smiling? I can't tell because she's got a Mona Lisa smile."

#roommates #quotes #mona lisa #mona lisa smile #smile #funny #college #m

[ineednewroommatespls]

"I'm dying, but accelerating."

"What are we celebrating?"

#roommates #quotes #dying #misheard #misunderstood #funny #college #m #k

[ineednewroommatespls]

"You got good projectile motion on that spaghetti."

"Our physics teacher would be so wet right now."

#roommates #quotes #physics #motion #spaghetti #no context #context not needed #funny #lol #m #k #p #college

[ineednewroommatespls]

"I just put my mouth on my own birds dick!"

#roommates #no context #no explanation #we dont have a bird #idek anymore #quotes #funny #birds #college #m

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Barry B. Benson. You know him? He's on my knee."

*whispers* "I'd rather he be in my ass."

#roommates #quotes #our obession witb the bee movie has gotten wildly out of hand #bee movie #barrybbenson #bees #funny #college #awful #m #p

[ineednewroommatespls]

"Can you imagine shoving a baseball up your ass."

"I don't have to imagine."

#roommates #no context #awful #quotes #funny #is it funny tho #idk #definitely stupid #college #m #p #baseball #sports

[ineednewroommatespls]

"I have a cheese fetish."

#roommates #quotes #cheese #awful #i dont like this one #no context #funny #lol #college #m