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snor-re · 17 hours

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Lamp.

I bought a lamp.

It made me happy.

For about half a day,

And then I cried myself to bed.

Today for the second time in a row.

How stupidly naive I am to rely on happiness.

When it so fleetingly disappears.

I cry for my sweater,

My potential, my future, could be better.

My day, my past, the love I carry like a burden.

The hurt left in it’s wake feels like one for certain.

I’ll be honest, I swear.

I’ll be kind and beautiful and never wear.

I’ll, I don’t know, project your dreams on me,

Anything, everything you want to see.

If you just stay. Please please don’t leave me.

Please, I’m begging on my knees,

In a lake of my tears.

Give me something to rely on.

01:30 01.05.2024

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snor-re · 12 days

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Pink choices and sweet pastries

Out of spite I have denied myself the loveliest mistresses of life.

I was so busy banging against my cookie cutter tin jail,

I missed so much joy, I thought it was the way.

Pink was my enemy, for the longest years.

Pretty shoes and handbags,

Anger out of fear.

Screaming in my bounds I threw my head up and down.

The metal cuts with ragged edges.

Never took a breath and looked around.

flailing, I ensnare myself in cutting ropes.

Fearful fire set to dwindling hope.

But I can build my own freedoms out of skincare and roses. Frilly dresses and pink blouses. I can colour my choices magenta and still be way stronger.

00:16 20.04.2024

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snor-re · 1 month

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Speed dating

I wish I could speed date this pain,

But it seems my wishing is in vain.

How easy it could be.

See it, briefly know it,

And then, politely, disaffect it.

But it calls me back,

As I sit waiting at the phone,

Not picking up.

If I do it stays mute the whole call.

It listens to me cry,

Let’s me ask why,

Silent on the line.

Like a hoopla hoop,

It comes round.

Hitting the same bruise on my hip,

Red, purple, deformed.

When I think it’s far away,

It comes swinging back around.

Home run to the cavity in my chest.

It’s almost a satisfying,

Just if it didn’t have me so painfully bound.

Tangled tight around me,

Loosened up,

Waiting for another swing.

Because for this agonising trial,

Speed doesn’t seem to be a thing.

00:07 01.04.2024

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snor-re · 2 months

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Live a little

The world is horrible and painful and so not alright. It’s deep cutting slashes and anguish and bright blinding light. It’s so much sound, all you hear is a high ringing, your own breaths and your shuddering heartbeat. It’s scrambling for purchase, cover, security, anything. It’s screaming your voice hoarse till you taste blood and all you can do is draw air and shake. Violently. It’s mutilation, malnutrition, it’s stealing every little thing from your best dress to your innocence. The world takes and it rapes and it forgives no mistakes.

So you know. Live a little.

00:11 06.03.2024

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snor-re · 2 months

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Discord

I am in discord with myself,

My silhouette swims and shifts in it’s confides.

My eyes try to decipher a 3D movie without the glasses. Headache enducing.

My chest shifts to another dimension while my head is heavy as lead. Pulled down, down, down.

Something isn’t quite right. My legs are the wrong size. My body isn’t mine. My heart beats marathons, my body is just a vessel once again. I’m in discord with myself. Again. Two screens overlaping, shifted, out of sync.

22:09 04.03.2024

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snor-re · 2 months

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Batter days (2)

Today I am once again clumpy batter on a crinkled baking sheet. Just falling apart, uneven, unmoving, seeping through ridges, lifeless and entirely useless.

Today I am crumpled batter once again.

But tomorrow, or someday after that, I will bake into a beautiful cake.

22:59 24.02.2024

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snor-re · 2 months

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My gold

I search for my peace in decrepid spaces.

In the ridges of old tarnished silver jewellery, the embellishment of ancient spoons and moth earthen couches of forgotten rooms.

I search for my beauty in intangible moments.

In the dirty window reflections on my way around town, the tilt of my face, the angle of a hand and the tears that I waste.

I search for meaning in the stars and shiny things.

In shards of glass, the Pleiades and the moon.

Commissioned by my name I hunt for the light in hopes this I might too once shine bright.

I hunt for my gold, an amalgamation of the above, to pay for my happiness and to one day reach what I love.

00:33 23.02.2024

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snor-re · 3 months

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Thread at best

I’m on my knees in before you,

Baring my neck.

You’ve got the scissors,

I’ve got the thread.

Climbing rope’s made from nylon,

My ripping fibres are cotton at best.

You know, I had been trying.

Have you concluded your test?

We both know I failed.

01:36 05.02.2024

to God.

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snor-re · 3 months

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The allure of protection is giving me the ICK.

18:35 04.02.2023

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snor-re · 3 months

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Two in one special

You feed me lies on a silver spoon,

Sticky syrup laced with the sweetest poison

Slipping down my throat.

You hold my hands and twirl me in circles

Till everything but you in this world is out of focus.

You and I we dance though time,

You hold me up while tautening twine

Between my feet.

You, my sole crutch.

You doll me up with pins and needles,

Fasten every expression to the right surface.

I’m you perfect conundrum

Your peerless paradox,

You tear me down to build me up.

Together, for ever, we’re stuck.

We’re a cannibalistic fable,

Cause I am you and you are me

Best enemies forever we’ll be.

00:54 01.02.2024

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snor-re · 3 months

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I prefer walking

There is a race, where you just can’t stop.

You’ve got to run, run, run,

At times you might even walk.

But don’t you dare stop.

If your lungs are burning,

I don’t care, walk.

If your organs are turning,

I don’t care, walk.

If your feet are bleeding,

I don’t care, walk.

Murder, burglary,

I don’t give a fuck.

You can do anything,

But you can’t stop.

So tumble further down your track,

More dead or alive? Already given up?

You don’t even know for what you’re striving.

They’re shouting at you to run and to stop would be dying.

So haul on with everybody else in any direction.

You don’t know if or what you’re searching in this marathon that’s life.

01:44 26.01.2024

#my poem #poetry #poets corner #poets on tumblr #original poem #poem #poems and poetry #writers and poets #female poets #poetic #philosophy #life philosophy #spilled thoughts

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snor-re · 3 months

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Impingements of you

Wishing for you

Hurts my chest.

Looking at you

Steals my breath.

Waiting for you

Is the worst and the best.

All’s left to wonder,

How much of this is left?

17:38 23.01.2024

to ‘James’

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snor-re · 3 months

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Catering service

Here, let me serve you this shirt.

Ha? Doesn’t it look good, doesn’t this work?

It’s the one I wore two weeks ago,

When we talked two hours.

I figured you liked it,

Or were it the trousers?

Just wait till next time,

I’ll serve you just the right thing.

Give me another hint,

What do you want me to wear,

What do you want to see me in?

What do you want me to be..?

Fuck when did I start again.

When did I let it slip,

When did I give you the reign?

I’m not a catering service,

Why am I catering to your adverses?

I thought I’d overcome it, I thought I’d left it behind.

But now I’m back at the bottom,

Starting from scratch another time.

11:59 16.01.2024

to ‘James’

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snor-re · 4 months

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I want you to look hard and find beauty in me, in this. Cause it’s all I can give you.

01:28 13.01.2024

to my one day perhaps ‘James’

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snor-re · 4 months

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Moorleichen

Ich lieg in nem Sumpf voller Leichen,

Spür sie im trüben Wasser an mir entlang streichen.

All die Versionen von mir,

Rotten im pisswarmen wasser her.

All die Kinder denen ich kein Leben einghauchte,

Weil mein Atem kaum für mich selber reichte.

Die seichte Brühe schwappt mir in den Mund.

Mir is schlecht.

23:53 12.01.2024

#deutsche poesie #poesie tumblr #poesie #gedicht #dichtung

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snor-re · 4 months

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Mellow roundabout

Mellow. Mellow, mellow.

Soft rests my head on my pillow.

My body swaps through dimensional gaps,

Though my mind is running laps.

Around you.

It’s not even concrete pictures,

Not scenes of silent whispers.

Just the concept of you,

Is what my every thought is drawn to.

It’s become second nature,

Now passive, sweet torture.

It’s become like breathing,

Tell me, are you ever leaving?

You’re the statue in my roundabout,

Around you the usual traffic goes round and round.

But somehow you’ve magnetized every car,

They end with you, no matter what they are.

Either love me or leave me, and let me know.

This has long become an embarrassing show,

For me.

21:57 11.01.2024

to ‘James’

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snor-re · 4 months

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When he loves me

When he loves me,

He is gonna love my heart.

When he loves me,

He is gonna love my art.

Oh, when he loves me,

He is going to love my soul;

Cause if he loves me,

He will have to love me whole.

09:54 07.01.2024

to my one day perhaps ‘James’

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