lWhen it comes to White Day, Hyunsoo had never quite been well-versed in arranging gifts. Birthdays were one thing; a holiday concerning such romantic these are another entirely. However, he knows that he would do well to put on a good showing if his affections to Minseo were to be believed, at least for the sake of their parents. He decides to have the gifts delivered, with his movie in full swing with its filming now. When Minseo arrives to her residence, she will find a bouquet of daisies with a Rilakkuma plushie and a box of chocolates laying next to it. A letter is tucked into the ribbon on the bouquet: I should wish you a happy white day, shouldn’t I? 메롱 ~ From, Hyunsoo.
Truthfully, Minseo hadn’t expected anything from Hyunsoo on White Day, especially after their previous conversation deciding on the inevitable end of their fake relationship. Her friend had a better grasp of relationships than she did. After all, she was a complete novice, but that meant her parents would be more heartbroken when the two of them would breakup. They were much better off as friends. Judging from all the media she consumes, she didn’t think any of her future relationships would come to an end as peacefully and loving as her relationship with Hyunsoo. Her mother had excitedly informed her a gift was awaiting in her bedroom.
She had learned early on that Hyunsoo didn’t do understated. It was in her face and rather sweet, too sweet and thoughtful that she had grown to like it after all these months. Perhaps, she had become more spoiled and Hyunsoo was to blame. She felt her mother’s presence still lingering by the doorframe, quietly observing her reaction when she spots the bouquet of daisies, which had been transferred to a vase. Her fingers touch the petals of one of the flowers, leaning in to inhale their familiar scent. The Rilakkuma plushie quickly stole her attention with the daisy headband and the adorning bow around the neck.
It was too adorable.
She turns the bear to face the mirror, resting her chin on the plushie’s head to snap a quick picture to send to Hyunsoo with the following message: I swear that I thought you were sitting on my vanity… The resemblance is quite striking, hm? I’m taking Kuma with me to the dorm. You really shouldn’t have, Lee Hyunsoo!!
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sunrise_pjh
order 043, @yogurteume : large honey milk tea with regular tapioca pearls for trsr Jihoon
warnings: mentions of insomnia
barista 🥛's 💌: i don't really explain how Jihoon and y/n met here so you, the reader can decide <3 college besties? work friends ?! neighbours? it's up to you!! also, sunrise by Mino just makes me feel things :") do y'all remember Jihoon imitating Mino's runaway? it kills me every time i think about it >_<
sunrise_MINO.mp3
with the darkness comes thoughts, many thoughts that swirl around your head and leave you tangled within them. you're used to it now, though. always just waiting for it to pass.
with the sunrise, you finally fall asleep. the light drowns out your thoughts, your head too heavy and fuzzy from lack of sleep.
you call yourself a night owl, but really you just have insomnia quite often. or, you did... until you met Jihoon.
after becoming friends, you've been inseparable. every night he calls you until you fall asleep, and every night, you fall asleep a little earlier.
"the sun is rising, y/n. you're still up?" he asked you the first time you called into the night.
"mhm. now it's up, i can sleep," you muttered, dozing off.
Jihoon found your sleeping schedule strange, but didn't say anything. he just listened to your soft, deep breaths through the phone until he had the heart to hang up.
=♡=♡=♡=
"y/n? ... y/n? are you asleep?" Jihoon whispers loudly into his phone. he's met with silence and he checks the time.
3:04am.
he smiles to himself. it's such an improvement from 6:30am, when the sun rises and when you usually feel sleepy. he doesn't want to wake you with his rustling, so he hangs up and decides to tell you tomorrow about how early you fell asleep.
=♡=♡=♡=
"y/n! guess what?" Jihoon yells into the phone.
you jump and hit your arm on the wall while you're changing to leave for the day.
"Jihoon! just say it!!" you almost yell, in pain from hurting yourself.
"you... fell asleep at 3am last night!"
you can hear the smile in his voice and it makes you smile, too.
"i... did?"
"yeah!!"
a moment of silence passes as you try to remember how you fell asleep so early. all you can remember is Jihoon telling you about his day. he'd been to an theme park with his friend, Hyunsuk, and had a hard time deciding what he wanted from the souvenir shop.
"you've been falling asleep way before the sunrise these days, y/n. what's up with that?"
you're my sunrise, Jihoon.
that's your first thought, but you don't dare say it. even jokingly, you don't want to risk your friendship in any way.
"i don't know, Jihoon. maybe your voice is just so boring that it puts me to sleep," you joke, putting a shirt on.
(don't worry, it's always voice calls with Jihoon. he can't see you ♡)
"oh, har har. at least you're sleeping more healthily now!" Jihoon says.
you hum in response.
"got a busy day ahead?" the boy asks you, yawning.
"yeah, but you clearly don't. are you still in bed?" you ask, wishing you were there to aggressivly rustle his hair.
"yeah.. and what about it, loser?! you jealous?"
you can visualize him sticking his tongue out at the phone.
"maerong!" he says.
(maerong - 메롱 - sticking your tongue out, teasing someone)
"you idiot," you say, trying not to laugh.
"i'm your idiot, though," he mumbles.
you go stiff. Jihoon flirts with you a lot, but you never know how to respond. is it a joke? is he for real?
"i won't bother you anymore. go get ready!" Jihoon says.
"nooo... don't hang up yet," you whine.
"how are you not sick of me?" Jihoon asks.
you already know what's coming.
"i'm just that great, aren't i?"
"we're still meeting on friday, right?" you ask, ignoring him and his bloated ego.
"yeah... 'cause you're in love with me," he teases, again.
i am, Jihoon. completely in love.
again, you don't say it.
instead, you continue getting ready while Jihoon brags about himself and you shake your head at him, even though he can't see you.
=♡=♡=♡=
friday comes and with it come the butterflies. seeing Jihoon in person is always exciting!
you try to pick out an outfit that looks good but isn't too tryhard, yet you're stunned when Jihoon shows up in a hoodie and jeans and still looks that good.
he greets you with a hug and the scent of his perfume makes you dizzy. you want to wrap yourself in it..
"well, y/n, shall we?" he asks, inviting you to walk beside him.
Jihoon can't stop smiling when he's with you, his eyes constantly hidden behind his cheeks. you don't even have to say or do anything and you'll have him melting into a pool at your feet. he keeps checking that you're still walking beside him, winking at you every time your eyes meet his like the silly flirt he is.
Jihoon wanted to take you somewhere today and he's kept it a secret. as he walks you there, you whine and pull on his arm to tell you where he's taking you.
"Jihooooon where are we going?!"
"shh y/n you'll see."
eventually, you find yourself away from the city and on a nature trail. you shuffle closer to Jihoon, still holding onto his arm and feeling a little scared surrounded by all the trees, now.
"everything okay?" he asks, smiling at you.
you nod and he pats your head.
eventually, after some time of walking, you hear Jihoon say, "we're here!"
you didn't realize you were looking at the ground this whole time until Jihoon speaks and you look up. you're at a clearing with grass, trees scattered far enough around for there to be room for the picnic blanket on the floor, a basket and a few other things. the clearing is just before a cliff, safely far away from it for you to not feel any fear, but close enough for you to see the pretty mountains below.
"Jihoon.. what is this where are we ?!" you exclaim, running to the picnic blanket.
"Hyunsuk-hyung showed me this place and i've always wanted to bring you here. do you like it?" Jihoon asks.
he seems a little nervous as he shifts from foot to foot, but when you gently touch his arm as you tell him how beautiful it is, he feels a return to calm again.
"i'm so glad you like it.. we can watch the sunset from here together! you know how much the sun means to us... let's sit."
when you get seated and Jihoon opens the basket, letting you have some of the fruits and snacks, you feel some tension in the air. Jihoon doesn't seem like himself.
"Jihoon.. is everything okay today? you seem so anxious," you say.
"yeah i just.. ah i was going to tell you this when the sun was all pretty setting against the sky but.."
you watch Jihoon shift so he's properly facing you and not the mountains. he takes hold of your hands, stroking them with his thumbs. it feels like your heart is also being caressed with the amount of butterflies you feel.
"y/n.. i know we've started as friends and have been friends but i think.. somewhere along the way i started feeling something more for you and i can't keep it to myself anymore. y/n.. i like you," he says.
you can see his cheeks dusted with red and you grin before pressing a quick kiss to the tip of his nose.
"Jihoon... i like you, too. you're.. you're my sunrise. i've been sleeping so well with you in my life," you tell him.
he's reeling from the kiss you gave him and now your words, and he hangs his head as he chuckles, still holding onto your hands.
when he looks up, he brings a hand to your face, stroking your cheek with his thumb while smiling.
"i'll be your sunrise, y/n. and i can promise you that i won't ever set."
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“날 사랑하는 법”
***아쉽게도 소고님의 개인적인 사정으로 인해 그의 글은 지난 주제를 끝으로 더 이상 읽을 수 없게 되었습니다. 많은 아쉬움을 남기고 떠난 소고님의 빈자리를 474번째 주제부터 Om(옴)님이 채워주게 되었습니다.
-------
*날 사랑하는 법
꼬박꼬박 건강하고 맛있는 음식,
충분한 수면,
꾸준한 자기 개발 또는 자기 만족,
하고 싶은 것,
가고 싶은 곳에 가는 일
그런 것들이겠지.
대단한 기준이라면,
대중매체에서는 언제부터인가
내 인생의 주인공이 나,
나를 사랑하고
내가 우선임을 잊지말라 한다.
그럼에도 삶은
이기적으로 살아갈 순 없다.
나는 나이기 전에
누군가의 딸이고, 누나이며,
친구이고, 후배이면서,
직원이고, 연인이기도 한 사람이라.
여러 역할 속에서
나를 사랑하는 법을
언제 잊지 않고 챙길 수 있을까,
난 그렇게 팍팍한 삶도 아니지만
썩 말랑한 일상도 아닌 게 아닐까,
내심 나를 사랑해본 적
있었나 싶은 생각으로
괜스레 작아지는 날이다.
나는 사랑받기 마땅한
길을 걷고 있나?
-Ram
*날 사랑하는 법
“너는 널 사랑하는 법이 뭐야?”
“난 반신욕하는거랑 요가하는 거, 그리고 언니랑 톡하는 거랑 운동하고 요리하는거? 언니는?“
나는 해결할 수 있는 고민과 문제들은 미루지 않고 바로바로 해결하는 것, 그리고 신선한 원두를 쓰는 카페에서 커피 마시는 것, 그리고 공부할 것들을 쌓아두고 공부하는 것, 언제든 읽을 수 있는 책을 마련해두는 것, 땀 잔뜩 흘리면서 온 체력을 다해 깔깔 웃으면서 운동하는 것, 마음에 드는 향수를 늘 뿌리는 것, 손톱과 발톱을 짦게 깎는 것, 좋아하는 사람들을 만나서 두서없이 두런두런 아무 이야기나 하는 것 등등. 너랑 아무 생각없이 멍청이 같이 웃으면서 떠드는 것도 포함. 늘어놓자면 너무 많으니 글로 썼어. 메롱. 붕따우 걸.
-Hee
*날 사랑하는 법
공적인 배움의 기간이 종료되고 내 삶이 이제서야 시작되려던 때, 나는 이왕 살아야 한다면 허벅지가 터질 듯 힘껏 내달려야만 한다고 생각했던 것 같다. 풍족하지 않았던 유년이, 늘 벌주고 다그치던 기숙학교에서의 몇 년이 나를 극단으로 내몰았다. 뭐든 시도하고 극복해 내야만 더 나은 삶을 살게 할 거라고. 그게 나 스스로를 아끼고 사랑하는 방법이라고.
그 마음 그대로 살아내진 못했다. 오히려 내가 나 스스로를 방치하고 있다는 생각이 들 만큼 너그럽게 살았다. 머릿속에 박힌 정답에서 점점 멀어지는 느낌에 마음이 지치고 괴로워 못 견딜 때쯤 나를 아프고 괴롭게 만드는 것은, 모르긴 몰라도 옳은 방법은 아닐 것이라 문득 깨달았던 것 같다. 그때부터는 이왕 살아야 한다면 최대한 편하게 살기로 했다. 좋은 게 좋은 것이라 믿으며.
나는 숲이 아닌 나무를 보려고 노력한다. 먼 미래보다는 현재를 살 것이고 매 순간 작위적은 자극을 즐기고 사랑하기로 했다. 그리고 스스로를 몰아세우던 힘을 아껴 나만큼 내 주변이 건재할 수 있도록 돌보는 데 쓸 것이다. 삶은 유한하기에 이 또한 나를 사랑하는 방법으로서 유효할 것이라 확신했다.
-Ho
*날 사랑하는 법
나를 사랑하는 법은 무엇일까.
나라는 존재는 무엇인가.
애초에 사랑이란 무엇인가.
그는 사랑이라는 것을 이해하지 못했다. 아니, 이해하려 하지 않았다. 사랑이 인생에 필수적인 요소가 아니라고 생각했기 때문이었다.
물론 그가 사랑을 단 한번도 받아보지 못한 것은 아니였다. 그에게는 그를 사랑하던 부모님이 있었고, 그를 설레게 했던 연인이 있었다. 그렇다면 어째서 그는 사랑을 받아들이지 않는 것일까. 사랑을 분명 알지만, 어째서 거부하는 것일까.
이유는 그의 본질적인 이해에 있었다.
그는 이해를 통해 마음을 여는 사람이었고, 이해를 통해 자신을 표현하는 사람이었다.
그러나 그는 자신을 이해할 수 없었다. 정확히는, 나라는 존재에 대해 완전히 알아내지 못했다. 분명 자기 자신이지만 납득할 수 없는 점이 너무나 많았다.
그래서 그에게 나를 사랑하는 법이란 자신을 이해하는데에서 시작된다.
-Om
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