#'you're daddy's blunt little instrument'/'you see yourself the way our enemies see you..but that's [not] who you are'/'that's not who i am'

[hellsitegenetics]

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer, because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know - I think I know now, happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being, it's in just saying it. What are you talking about, man? I know - I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken - your daddy's blunt instrument. And you think that hate and anger, that's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not! And everyone who knows you sees it. Everthing you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love, you fought fo this whole world for love. That is who you are! You're the most caring man on earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of hell - knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, but I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. Why does this sound like a goodbye? Because it is. I love you. Don't do this, Cas. Cas- Goodbye, Dean.

String identified: aa , c t tat , tat c, at t c , at t a c . a a, ca t tg at… t' tg ca't a. t t - t , a 't t ag, t' t g, t' t ag t. at a tag at, a? - , a. t a a . ' tct a ' ag a ' - a' t tt. A t tat at a ag, tat' at , tat' a. t' t! A t. tg a , t g a t a, a . a tt t , gt t . Tat a! ' t t cag a at. a t t , g a g . , c t, c t - g a cag . ca ca, ca. ca at . ca at a, ca at ac, t ca at t ca . cag , a. t a g? ca t . . 't t, Ca. Ca- G, a.

Closest match: Apoda limacodes genome assembly, chromosome: 12 Common name: Festoon

#tumblr genetics #genetics #asks #requests #supernatural #spn #dean winchester #castiel #destiel #blanketforcas #moths #festoon #bugs #insects #fruit gummy

[lampgate]

if tumblr shuts down you can find me...Wait, there is... There's one thing she's afraid of. There's one thing strong enough to stop her. When Jack was dying, I made a deal to save him. The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, The Empty would be summoned, and it would take me forever. I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. I love you. Goodbye Dean

[chappelroan]

GET TO KNOW ME ♡ Favorite Ships ↳ Castiel & Dean Winchester

"I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean."

#spnedit #spngifs #supernaturaledit #destieledit #destielgifs #destiel #inacatastrophicmind #becauseofthebowties #captainchilly #spncreatorsdaily #cowboycoven #useranny #chapeldean #tusersana #userbeetle #phoebesbridgers #* #gtkm #deancas #i cried while making this dont fucking hmu honestly

[superhell]

even now. three years later. i can hear it in my sleep. I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be. What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... but I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. I love you. Goodbye, Dean

#destiel

[misha-69innit]

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what... what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer. Because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it." I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're... you're 'Daddy's Blunt Instrument.' And you think hate and anger, that's... that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.

#destiel #castiel #remember remember the fifth of november

[postmodernmulticoloredcloak]

What if. Listen to me. Like. I'm just fantasizing but bear with me

What if the scene in 15x18 had originally been longer (before censors butchered her) and was something along these lines:

CASTIEL (tearfully) I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. DEAN What are you talking about, man? CASTIEL I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. (sad laugh as a tear rolls down his cheek) You changed me, Dean. DEAN (quiet, resigned) Why does this sound like a goodbye? CASTIEL Because it is. Dean inhales, ready to argue, but Castiel confesses before he can. CASTIEL I love you. (he smiles) DEAN Don't do this, Cas. CAS I want to do this. Because I love you. Dean opens his mouth, trying to say something, but nothing comes out, and just looks striken and desperate. They look at each other, a moment passes, Billie’s bangs against the door become louder, and Cas furrows his brow, and something that looks like worry starts to appear on his face. CAS (a little frantically) It’s not working, why isn’t it working? The door makes a very worrisome noise that makes it clear that Billie is almost going to smash it open. Cas looks at Dean with panic on his face now. CAS It was supposed to work! The moment I’d let the... the sun shine on my face—! Dean’s breathing shakes, and makes a desperate grimace like he’s bracing himself for the most painful thing he’s ever done. He doesn’t want to do this, but he knows it’s important for Cas. DEAN Because this isn’t about your happiness. It’s about my curse. CAS (a little taken aback) What do you mean? DEAN (He gulps, diverts his eyes from Cas, pain clearly written on his face.) It’s about my curse, Cas. It was always going to end this way, wasn’t it? Me killing you. Killing you because I love you. Cas’ eyes widen in amazed shock. DEAN (Through gritted teeth, barely holding back tears, but with a surprising softness) I love you, Cas. I— CAS (softly, as a gentle smile blooms on his face) I am happy that this is the reason I die. There's a wet noise from behind Dean and he turns to see black goo from The Empty squeezing through the bricks in the bunker's wall as a portal begins to open. They both know what this means. There are tears in Dean's eyes as he turns back to Castiel. Castiel is still smiling tearfully. The warded door busts open. Billie stands behind it with her scythe. There's no more time. DEAN Cas... Castiel puts his hand, bloodied from when he'd cut it for the warding, on Dean's shoulder. CASTIEL Goodbye, Dean.

#*mad scientist voice* #one day i will write my own season 15 and then you'll see. you'll all see #i won't because i'm lazy and busy but hey a dude can dream #spn #destiel #spn 15x18 #hire me jensen #highly better options supernatural

[queermania]

(last reblog made me realize something but i didn't want to add it to the post or in the tags because it's spoilery if you've only seen up to s8)

there are a lot of reasons why cas' confession is so unsatisfying to me but one of the reasons i haven't been able to articulate until now is that it kind of.... undoes everything that preceded it? cas gives voice to the thing we've all been watching play out for twelve years and that should feel like a win, it should feel like relief, because happiness isn't in the having, it's in the just being, it's in the just saying, right? but, in saying it, cas removed the being part of it from everything that happened prior. cas' speech made it feel like we haven't been watching two people who are in queer love and who are very much in a queer relationship.

instead, we've been watching a guy secretly pining for another guy who may or may not have secretly loved him back. and that... is not true to the story i've been watching unfold? that only works if i accept the premise that the writers and the actors and the directors and the crew and the editors weren't actually telling a queer love story to the best of their ability the whole time. and i don't accept that! they were telling the story!! it was on purpose!!!

like, the reason dean's confession-prayer in purgatory is satisfying is because it doesn't undo anything that came before it.

Cas? Cas, I hope you can hear me… that wherever you are, it's not too late. I should've stopped you. You're my best friend, but I just let you go. 'Cause it was easier than admitting I was wrong. I-- Ohh. I don't know why I get so angry. I just know -- I know that it's -- i-it's just always been there. And when things go bad, it just -- it comes out. And I can't -- I can't stop it. No matter how -- how bad I want to, I just can't stop it. And -- and I-I forgive you. Of course I forgive you. I'm sorry it took me so long -- I'm sorry it took me till now to say it. Cas, I'm -- I'm so sorry. Man, I hope you can hear me. I hope you can hear me. Okay.

this is dean reiterating everything we as an audience already know because we've already seen it (dean wants cas there and he regrets letting him go and there is nothing cas could do that would make dean actually give up on him). if you replace "best friend" with literally anything else that effectively means "romantic partner" this still works. it doesn't change it at all. this is dean and cas. this is destiel. this is the story i've been watching since lazarus rising. maybe even the pilot.

contrast that with 15x18, however:

I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it . . . I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean . . . I love you.

this is a different story. it changes everything. and, like, i think that was supposed to be the point, but unfortunately for me it is one of the reasons it doesn't work. why doesn't cas think he can have dean? is it simply because he thinks dean doesn't want him back?? is it because he thinks dean is straight?? like, the fact that i don't instinctively know the answer to that is a problem, and the reason i don't know the answer is because it doesn't jive with the show i've been watching for fifteen seasons. castiel's confession is the conclusion to a different show's run, one where they were actually queerbaiting the whole time and decided to throw the fans a bone at the very end.

but they weren't queerbaiting. they were writing textually queer characters with textually queer relationships.

and so a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he thinks dean's straight doesn't really work at any point in the show's timeline for me.

and a speech where cas is confessing to being in love with dean even though he doesn't think dean loves him back in that way doesn't really work at any point past s12 for me, and even within s12 to be honest.

like, the narrative actively starts to fall apart in 13x01 if you don't take dean and cas being in love/in a relationship as a given, but even episodes like 12x10 and 12x19 imply something was already happening with them.

so. yeah.

#deancas #1518 #confession #mp

[deanandcaslove]

Destiel canon day

❗️3 years ago…❗️

“I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.” 
Said Castiel…

“Why this sounds like a goodbye?”

Dean asked…he knew what was coming…

“Because it is…”

Castiel just confirmed Dean biggest fear…

And then…Cas said what everyone already knew…

“I LOVE YOU!”

Dean was in chock…he paralyzed, tears rolling on his face, the air getting out of his lungs…Dean was not able to speak…he never loved no one like he loved Cas…he was so afraid to lose Castiel…

Dean thought if he didn’t say it back nothing would happen…and he tried one last time…

“Don’t do this Cas…”

But Cas was sure about what he was doing…he was saving the love of his life…saving the man who taught him about feelings…and Cas didn't need Dean to say he felt the same...Cas knew...Cas saw the whole truth in Dean's teary eyes, and Cas could read his protected mind...and he could know then that Dean loved him...So Cas said his last words…

“Goodbye Dean…”

Its over…Cas is gone! Dean is all alone…Crying…

NO NO NO WHY? WHY HIM? PLEASE GIVE MY ANGEL BACK!

Dean’s mind was screaming…

❗️TODAY❗️

Today all we got are memories…

Dean and Cas deserved better…their love were SO STRONG that even with all those problems…the kept together NO MATTER WHAT!

Cas was always there for Dean…

And was not always there for Cas…

But when Dean was there...he did everything he could to help Cas!

Now 3 years later, we know that Dean and Cas are together in heaven…we can’t forget Sam hahaha…but yeah that’s it guys… On this day but 3 years ago, Destiel turned CANON!

So happy(not so happy)Destiel Canon Day

💚11/05/2020💙

By Bruna L. Pereira

This is a text that i made for DESTIEL CANON DAY! I hope you guys like it, and help me to more people read it💙💚

#dean winchester #castiel #destiel #supernatural #canon #destiel is love #destiel is canon

[armpit-fetish69]

i, a man, wake up and turn to my husband of 30 years:

"can we please, not be gay today??" i ask, my eyes pleading, my voice desperate

he looks at me and says, "I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. (he smiles, crying now) You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. (sad laugh as a tear rolls down his cheek) You changed me, Dean. I love you."

i have my answer. i throw up.

#spn #supernatural #destiel #15x18 despair #15x18

[randomtvpollsjp]

Castiel: “I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want, it's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it.”

Dean “What are you talking about, man?”

Castiel – “I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're “daddy's blunt instrument.” And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack, I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean.”

Dean – “Why does this sound like a goodbye?”

Castiel – “Because it is. I love you.”

THIS IS A DECLARATION OF LOVE THAT JANE AUSTEN WOULD GIVE HER SEAL OF APPROVAL TO.

#castiel #dean winchester #spn #spnfamily #destiel #supernatural #deancas #gay pride #pride month

[themanwhowouldbefruit]

[eatdirt420]

She slob on my Despair (15x18) til I "happiness isn't just in the having. it's in just being. it's in just saying it. (What are you talking about, man?) I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're 'daddy's blunt instrument.' And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean. (Why does this sound like a goodbye?) Because it is. I love you. (Don't do this, Cas.... Cas...) Goodbye, Dean."

#spn #destiel #nov 5th #spn 15x18 #spn 15x18 despair #dirttalks

[clairenatural]

Why does this sound like a goodbye?

#[don't rb by itself im trying an experiment] #[pt 2/3] #[also ran into the 10 option limit again sorry]

[celestialmick]

"There's one thing she's afraid of. There's... There's one thing strong enough to stop her. When Jack was dying, I... I made a deal to save him"

"You what?"

"The... The price was my life. When I experienced a moment of true happiness, the Empty would be summoned and it would take me forever"

"Why are you telling me this now?"

"I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be, what... what my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... it's something I know I can't have but I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having. It's in just being. It's in just saying it"

"What are you talking about, man?"

"I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive and you're angry and you're broken. You're... You're 'Daddy's Blunt Instrument' and you think hate and anger, that's... that's what drives you. That's who you are. It's not and everyone who knows you sees it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met and ever since I pulled you out of Hell, knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam. I cared about Jack. I cared about the whole world because of you.You changed me, Dean"

"Why does this sound like a goodbye?"

"Because it is. I love you"

"Don't do this, Cas... Cas"

"Goodbye, Dean"

#destiel #november 5th #nov 5th #castiel #dean winchester #despair

[imanangelyouass-butt]

Supernatural Quotes that broke me

(the ones in bold lettering are the ones that broke me the most)

" I always wondered, ever since I took that burden, that curse, I wondered what it could be? What my true happiness could even look like. I never found an answer because the one thing I want... It's something I know I can't have. But I think I know... I think I know now. Happiness isn't in the having, it's in just being. It's in just saying it. I know. I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you are. It's not. And everyone who knows you see it. Everything you have ever done, the good and the bad, you have done for love. You raised your little brother for love. You fought for this whole world for love. That is who you are. You're the most caring man on Earth. You are the most selfless, loving human being I will ever know. You know, ever since we met, ever since I pulled you out of Hell... Knowing you has changed me. Because you cared, I cared. I cared about you. I cared about Sam, I cared about Jack... I cared about the whole world because of you. You changed me, Dean." -Castiel

"Goodbye Dean"- Castiel

"You know what I confessed in there? What my biggest sin was? It was how many times I let you down. I can't do that again." — Sam Winchester

"I wish I didn't feel a damn thing." — Dean Winchester

"Nobody cares that your broken Cas, clean up your mess!!" -Dean Winchester

"I miss my wings" -Castiel

"Sam, it's okay. It's okay. I'm here. I'm here. I'm not gonna leave you. I'm not gonna leave you."- Dean Winchester

"Why Don't You Believe In Us Too?!"- Sam Winchester

"The Price was my Life"-Castiel

#supernatural #misha collins #castiel #dean winchester #sam winchester #jensen ackles #jared paladecki

[teamfreewill2pointo]

I don't understand what the confession had to do with Dean's self actualization. There was nothing in Cas's speech that Sam hadn't told Dean throughout the series. Sam told Dean he was smart, that he looked up to Dean all his life, and that he was good person at various points over 15 seasons. I think the scene was more about Cas's self actualization?

Look, I will never defend season 15 as well written, and I feel like the confession scene would have worked a hell of a lot better had they seeded it earlier in the season instead of throwing it all out in 15.18, but Castiel's self actualization speech was helping Dean and guiding Dean where he needed to be at the end of the series.

Yes, it was a big moment for Castiel, but the focus of his speech was on Dean, which put Dean where he needed to be in order to to defeat Chuck. Remember, in 15.17, Dean was off the rails and even pointing a gun at Sam. He was driven by his anger. In season 13, Dean was basically turning into John. He was becoming an angry man obsessed with revenge, at the cost of his family and loved ones.

That bleed over into season 14, where when Mary died, Dean basically became John again, and was vicious towards Castiel.

A huge theme of Dean's journey throughout the series is Dean becoming angry, getting obsessed with revenge, and doing harmful things during his quest for revenge that he needs to make amends for later on.

In 15.18, Dean is so focused on revenge, he puts himself and Castiel in danger.

DEAN: I just led us into another trap, all because I couldn't hurt Chuck. Because I was angry and because I just needed something to kill, and because that's all I know how to do.

Here, Dean thinks poorly of himself. He thinks he's driven by anger and the need for a revenge. He thinks that he is just a soldier, a weapon, which is why Castiel says,

I know how you see yourself, Dean. You see yourself the same way our enemies see you. You're destructive, and you're angry, and you're broken. You're "daddy's blunt instrument." And you think that hate and anger, that's... That's what drives you, that's who you

Yes, Sam praises Dean and loves Dean and tells him how much he is loved, but he's Dean's little brother, and Dean feels Sam loves him more than he deserves to be loved. Yes, he has heard this from Sam and he knows that Sam loves him. He knows that Sam has a huge heart and that Sam will forgive almost anything. He knows he has Sam's forgiveness and love, but he can't forgive and love himself.

Castiel's speech allowed Dean to see himself as someone driven by love rather than revenge. When Chuck tries to get Dean to kill him, Dean is able to resist due to his better view of himself.

Chuck: I mean, I could never think of an ending where I lose. But this, after everything that I've done to you... to die at the hands of Sam Winchester... Of Dean Winchester, the ultimate killer... It's kind of glorious.

Dean: Sorry, Chuck.

Chuck: What? What?

Dean: See, that's not who I am. That's not who we are.

In each of the death scenes in 15.18 and 15.20, the focus is not on the person dying, but on the knowledge and self actualization they are imparting to the one who remains behind.

Castiel gives Dean what he needs to defeat Chuck. Dean gives Sam what he needs to carry on.

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