#(i may or may not have a gifset of those very same singles that's been sitting in my drafts for months)

[radio-4-is-static]

バケーションに沿って / Along Vacation | Helsinki Lambda Club

#バケーションに沿って #along vacation #ヘルシンキラムダクラブ #helsinki lambda club #hlc #music #new music #音楽 #gif #my gifs #one week until their new album !!!! #ahhhh i love all the singles so far #and i was pleasantly surprised to see that the 3 they released at the end of 2021 are on the album too! #(i may or may not have a gifset of those very same singles that's been sitting in my drafts for months) #(which i will post right after this one 😅) #very excited for the collab with ford trio as well bc the other song they did together is SO GOOD #but yesss !!! #they just had their 10 year anniversary too 🎉🎉 #i didn't know this before i read the article for randonnee but apparently each album is connected to the idea of 'travel' #whether it be a physical place or through time or a spiritual journey #and it's all culminated to reach this point #we are here! #we have finally arrived at the helsinki lambda club!! #⛰️🎡🏕️

[fallynleaf-gifs]

Wherever I go... whatever country I go to... I want the Golden Lovers to fight with the same emotion and one heart. —Kenny Omega

“What would Kota think?”

2019-2021

This is a long-overdue gifset. I meant to finish it in November 2021, then I meant to finish it in early 2022, then, well, May 2022 happened, and the Golden Lovers story effectively got put on ice, so I shelved the gifset, too. But now we have reason to hope again, so here it is. The Golden Lovers’ path has never been a straightforward or easy one.

I’ve seen Kota Ibushi described as a “ghost” that haunted Kenny Omega for those few years, but I don’t think that’s quite accurate. Kota has been part of the fabric of AEW itself since the very beginning. Despite the fact that he has yet to make an actual appearance, he has been present in direct references and allusions, in the Golden Lovers symbol on the shoulder of Kenny’s gear, and in the golden “E” in “AEW”, which originally came from the Golden Elite.

Without Kota Ibushi, AEW as we know it would not exist. Of course, a large part of that is his continuing influence on anything and everything that Kenny does. Kenny Omega only really tells one story. It’s the same story that he has been telling his whole career. Sometimes it’s a quiet, subtle story, and sometimes it’s a very loud one. Sometimes it’s both at the same time.

The first direct, unmistakable reference to Kota in AEW happened in an infamous Undertale-themed VTR on October 30, 2019. In it, Kenny is plagued by his own insecurity (which was not helped by Kota’s recent G1 win, in contrast to Kenny’s recent failures in AEW), and a seductive voice tries to prompt him to let it take control before his other tag partners leave him, too. But Sans steps in to stave off the inevitable, and Kenny manages to keep it together—for about a year or so.

The next reference happens a little over a week later, at Full Gear on November 9. Kenny has an unsanctioned match with Jon Moxley, and he brings out all sorts of weapons, including a horrific bed of barbed wire that Hangman Page and the Young Bucks were reluctant to help him with. But what gets him in the end isn’t any weapon, but a failed Phoenix Splash (Kota’s first finisher) onto the exposed wood of the ring. From there, Mox hits a Paradigm Shift and pins him. Kenny could endure broken glass and barbed wire, but the one pain he couldn’t withstand is the pain of a broken heart.

After that, he tries to retreat back into the only comfort he knows: tag team wrestling. He pressures Hangman into tagging with him, and the two of them set their sights on tag team gold. Miraculously, they manage to make it work, winning the titles a scant month and a half or so before the world shuts down. Kenny’s main focus is on tag team wrestling during this time, but in order to fix one major blemish on his singles record, he ends up wrestling Pac in an ironman match on February 26, 2020. One of the moves he pulls out is unmistakably a Kamigoye (Kota’s current finisher).

A few days after that, on February 29, Kenny and Hangman defend their titles against the Young Bucks at Revolution. It’s a match with quite a few references and callbacks (especially to the Golden Lovers vs Young Bucks match in 2018), but the most striking moment was the Bucks hitting Kenny with a Golden Trigger (the Golden Lovers’ finisher), which Kenny kicks out of after a mere 1-count, prompting a massive response from the crowd. No one can weaponize the Golden Lovers’ own love against him like that.

The end of that match portends division and betrayal between the four men, but before the story can continue as planned, the covid-19 pandemic hits, and everything in the world of pro wrestling changes.

The year that follows is a hard one. Kenny’s AEW tag title run has a cruel symmetry with Kota’s concurrent NJPW tag title run. Just as Kenny and Hangman finally find their equilibrium, FTR arrives to sow conflict, The Elite fractures, Kenny and Hangman drop the titles, and Kenny gives up on tag team wrestling. Everything in the Undertale VTR had come to pass. Having nowhere else to go, he goes to an old family friend: Don Callis.

Then, at Winter Is Coming on December 2, wrestling in frigid 40°F weather at the open-air Daily’s Place, Kenny beats Jon Moxley for the AEW World Championship, thanks to Don Callis helping him cheat. The two of them abscond with the title after the so-called “golden screwjob”, and Kenny takes it somewhere the Young Bucks aren’t willing to follow him—Impact Wrestling.

Thus kicks off the Belt Collector arc. Kenny soon acquires two new/old goons: Karl Anderson and Doc Gallows, both former members of Bullet Club. He starts considering himself part of Bullet Club again, and declares his intent to collect more belts besides the AEW one (and the AAA Mega Championship, which he already had), starting with Impact.

On January 4, 2021, Kota Ibushi wins the IWGP Heavyweight and Intercontinental Championships at Wrestle Kingdom in NJPW. A few days after that, Kenny posts an Instagram story wherein he looks at Sports Illustrated’s list of the top 10 wrestlers of 2020. Kenny is number five on the list, and Kota is number eight. We can see that Kenny was looking at Kota’s entry before he looked at his own.

Then, on January 28, on the three year anniversary of their reunion, Kota tweets at Kenny, proposing that their two companies change the industry together. Kenny replies, using Nak’s translation as a mediator, and says, “Already feeling lonely in the Kingdom I left for you? Shall I destroy it? Take my hand, we’ll build a new one”. Kota responds to him, but receives no answer.

A few days after that, on February 3, Kenta appears on AEW Dynamite, blowing the so-called Forbidden Door between AEW and NJPW wide open. From that point on, we’re truly in uncharted territory.

Kenny challenges for (and wins) the Impact World Championship in April, but leading up to that match, Don simultaneously stokes Kenny’s ego and tries to gaslight him into erasing Kota from his own history. He encourages Kenny to repeatedly say that no one has ever kicked out of the One Winged Angel (only one person actually has: Kota Ibushi. He’s the source of Kenny’s greatest strength and his greatest weakness). However, no matter how much Don tries, Kenny’s age-old insecurity emerges on March 23, when Don names a long list of wrestlers that Kenny is supposedly better than, and Kenny yells out “Bigger than Ibushi!”

Kenny names Kota again in a AAA promo on August 31, listing him among the best high flyers in the world. It’s abundantly clear that to Kenny Omega, Kota Ibushi is the greatest wrestler in the world. No matter how far Kenny goes, no matter how many belts he collects, no matter how many accolades he receives, Kota Ibushi will always stand above him in his own mind. Kenny will never be able to outrun him or let go of him. He can’t fill the hole in his heart with a new tag partner, and he can’t fill it with belts, either.

While all of this is happening, Kota is unfortunately not having the greatest summer of his life. He loses the IWGP belt to Will Ospreay on April 4, then gets aspiration pneumonia in July. He participates in the G1 Climax tournament in September and manages to make it all the way to the finals, but he dislocates his shoulder after a failed Phoenix Splash while facing Kazuchika Okada on October 21.

Kenny’s own injuries come back to haunt him, too, but his autumn goes a little bit better.

Adam Cole—an actual ghost from Kenny’s past—comes back to sow trouble for the Elite (though it takes a while to actually manifest), debuting at All Out on September 5 along with Bryan Danielson. Bryan wrestles Kenny a couple weeks later in his first match as an AEW member, on September 22 at Grand Slam. He forces Kenny to fight him with everything he has, and for just a moment, Bryan is able to draw out the Best Bout Machine instead of the Belt Collector. As he always does in his moments of greatest need, Kenny reaches for Kota Ibushi, and once again executes a Phoenix Splash, which, as always, he is unable to actually hit. This time, it doesn’t end in tragedy, though. Instead, the match goes to a full time limit draw.

The death knell for the Belt Collector looms near, however. Hangman Page earns himself a shot at the AEW World Championship at Full Gear on November 13. Three days before the match, they hold a contract signing for it on Dynamite.

Hangman, who knows Kenny very well by this point, is able to read the subtext. He finally figures it out. He realizes that everything Kenny said to him, everything that he did to him and with him, it was never actually about Hangman. It all sprung from a deeper wound that Kenny has carried with him all this time. As soon as Hangman figures this out, nothing Kenny does to him can hurt him anymore. "But if I remember, you once had another tag team partner who maybe you felt like you didn't measure up to either."

That one line also does something else that’s very important: it brings Kota Ibushi out of AEW’s subtext and into the main text. He’s part of the story now. And he always was. (The man himself liked a gif of Hangman’s “you once had another tag partner” line on twitter shortly after it happened. If there was ever any doubt that he’d been keeping up with what Kenny was doing in his absence, it’s gone now.)

Maybe the best illustration of this is a front row sign that a fan brings to Hangman and Kenny’s match at Full Gear a few days later. “What would Kota think?” Kenny stops to stare at it for a long moment before entering the ring. Years earlier, he’d talked about being so surprised and thrilled that the fans had managed to pick up on the Golden Lovers story leading up to their reunion in NJPW. He was so touched by the fact that the fans had known their history, after all that time. I wonder if he felt something similar here. It was in many ways the culmination of his efforts. The story made deeply tangible, here at the climax of its most difficult chapter.

As was always meant to happen, Kenny loses to Hangman and drops the AEW title. He makes one last onscreen appearance on November 17, 2021 before temporarily stepping away from AEW and away from wrestling so that he can recuperate from years of overworking himself. He says, “I feel like... there’s things I gotta fix, there’s things I gotta change, and I can’t do it here.” Is his relationship with Kota one of those things he had to fix?

Here’s where the story gets a bit hazy. Unfortunately, the year that follows does not go particularly well for either of the Golden Lovers, and plans have to get rewritten. Their respective injuries take longer than expected to heal, which leads to Kota having a falling out with NJPW in May 2022 after they try to force him to come back to the ring too soon. Kenny is finally able to make his own return in August 2022, but he returns to a troubled backstage environment, which finally boils over during the media scrum after All Out on September 4. Kenny and the rest of the Elite are forced to vacate their freshly won Trios Championships, and they all get suspended for a few months during the investigation.

But even in the darkest of moments, things aren’t all bad. The Golden Lovers reunite in a restaurant in Japan on September 15. They reunite on their own terms, outside of any company. The future is still a bit unclear for them, but wherever the story goes next, they want to do it right. “Because the tag team with him is more special to me than anything,” Kota says. He asks Kenny to wait for him, and Kenny assures him that he’ll wait as long as it takes. They both proclaim that the Golden Lovers aren’t over.

One day, the stars will align for them again. If it happens in AEW, the stage is already set. "What would Kota think?” was the question posed at the end of 2021. Maybe one day we will get to hear his answer.

#Golden Lovers #Kenny Omega #Kota Ibushi #AEW #Impact Wrestling #AAA #wrestling #gif essays #happy ''Kota Ibushi's NJPW contract is up!'' day to all who celebrate #i am SO SORRY this gifset is late! life really got away from me in 2021 and then it got even worse in 2022 #manifesting a better 2023 for both of the golden lovers and for the rest of us too!! #i don't know how regularly i'll be able to make content for this blog again but i do want to get back into giffing! #long post

[thesherrinfordfacility]

it's high time that i redid the ✨masterpost✨ of all the shit floating around this blog where i say anything arguably insightful, existential/philosophical, or even just teetering on the cusp of being vaguely intelligent, so voila here you go and fucking enjoy:

worth having a looksie through this: longwinded anon (LWA)✨ masterpost

and then because i am actually so proud of these i did video edits to lewis capaldi (he's my hozier fight me) and im sorry but my beat matching is insane, godlike even:

season 2 (forget me)

season 1 (heavenly kind of state of mind)

also:

did i get emotional over crowley's fall and having to leave behind his creations and aziraphale's various conflicts in faith? you're goddamn right i did (credit to hillywood for the fall scenes that sent me into a frenzy)

stuff that is potentially relevant to s3 or is essentially my safe space to shit on these two incompetent-ass characters for being the most ridiculous beings god ever conceived:

(be warned, all of these will conflict each other bc im a loose cannon, a wildcard, and can't settle on a single thing)

(no seriously my opinion changes over time so interpretations that i once held might no longer be the interpretation that i have now, ya feel me)

you wanted a s3 plot prediction, right?

aziraphale brought an ak-47 to a fist fight and ohooo boy did it have Consequences

god i really ought to work out a tagging system in here, huh - this is my ramble on what i think could have happened during the fall

just a small one on the 1967 scene and the holy water thing (tw: suicide)

crowley found the book of life and tbh it was very james bond of him

saraqael rapidly slotting into my top 5 GO characters based on a singular hc wahoo

fuckin ✨1941✨ (this also upsets ALL of my interpretations of the Final Fifteen which... well what can u do)

a fucking rug just put shivers down my spine

more on raphael/azazel/scapegoat/fall theory, glorious smart anons are feeding me yummy soup

perhaps a more comprehensive rambling on omelas, scapegoats, and Those Promo Photos

an updated maggie rambling why not, she's still giving me a headache (and this ask neatly summarises some stuff too!)

my boy crowley really doesn't like change, does he wee baby (may develop this into a full meta who knows)

you know i think heaven might just be the bad place, i know - shocker

god i hope i was possessed by agnes nutter when i wrote this

a gifset format bc i cba to write, but aziraphale might have been, or might become, raphael

ive lied like a rug in previous theory posts: THIS one, this time travel clusterfuck, is the bottom of the barrel

spent hours studying michael sheens face in utter disbelief that he is capable of portraying every emotion known to man, and wrote about it (ie my take on the kiss)

i think goob might have been more important in the mega miracle than we initially thought (and no - not in the way you're currently thinking)

aziraphale and suffering are pretty well acquainted with each other (warning: i absolutely HATE this meta it's so bad)

um i guess you could term this as god is dead theory? nietzsche strikes again anyway

we REALLY hit rock bottom in the theory stakes with this one, lads (it's about whether crowley does in fact fully remember the fall)

(REWORKED) greasy johnson is the second coming. that's it. that's the post.

finally wrote about the book of life well done me

crowley was offered the same chance as aziraphale, im fairly sure, and as far as ive seen noone noticed??

the motif of lies in job made me come over all poetic

relativity is NOT my milieu especially in GO but giving it my best shot

hahaha is everything aziraphale's fault hahahaha

fuckinnnn BOOOOOOKKKSSSSS

EVERY DETAIL MATTERS? YEAH I SHOULD FUCKING THINK SO (and im still keeping this on here bc if im right in s3 im never going to shut up)

job is crowley and crowley is job except job didn't get sent to sit on the naughty step

never thought id see the day where i analyse richard curtis' 4WAAF but this show has got me whipped, jumping through hoops and over stalls like a fucking show pony

i have the dreadful feeling that we might have been fools by sleeping on aziraphale's own angelic importance all this time

did the costume department just simply go ham in s2 or are the angel costumes Important?

more on outfits

ruminations on the fall, morality and omniscience vs. free will, and making choices as if i have any idea what im talking about

okay this one is a little shitpost-y but the message is sound and im an un-apologetic aziraphale supporter, sue me

a sprinkle of s2 symbology, a dash of ineffable plan speculation, and laure girlbossing on how the two go together mwah

this was sooooo tasty i love talking about nietzsche

honestly this one doesn't even have a theme i just like talking to people

okay so this is the genesis of my aziraphale defence league (population: like 15% of the fandom) but i will not stop until he gets the recognition and empathy he mf deserves

Cancel Metatron 2k23

this was pre-s2 but the concept still stands: something feels icky about crowley's fall narrative and the book of life is ringing alarm bells

the concept of pedestals is one of my juicy favourites in psychology and you will find out just how much if you stick around this blog long enough (aziraphale's critique)

and lastly crowley's narrative of his fall? hm, big issue there and honestly the root of all Crowley discourse on this blog, be duly warned

old stuff if you fancy having a giggle at my expense

come chat to me about things

#good omens #no need to interact if you dont want to but feel free to like #this is honestly so i don't have to scroll through my blog shitpit to find old theoties etc #toodles✨

[relaxxattack]

not sure where you've been, but there have been countless people talking about the NPF photo changes ad-nauseam - specifically gifmakers and artists - for months now, ever since they first announced the change back in May. we begged staff not to do it, sent in feedback about why it was a bad idea, and got nothing in return. staff told us there was "no difference" in photo/gif quality, and to just use NPF-friendly themes instead - basically just ignoring our concerns and telling us to suck it up and deal with it. other users would tell us we were being overdramatic about it, and also ignored us when we talked about it. staff didn't care and nobody else did, and they went through with the changes anyway. even now, we've still been talking about how awful it is for creators on here, but those posts just get ignored.

like, maybe it's true that YOU'VE never seen people talk about it, but don't say "nobody is talking about it", because that simply isn't true. we've BEEN talking about it for 5 months now, but nobody's listened, and your post is just rubbing salt in the wound by claiming otherwise.

anon... i clearly say in the post that i personally never see it mentioned in viral posts complaining about tumblr updates?

like... that IS what i wrote. the thing that you would like me to change it to; it's already that. i think you might have just misread the post?

also: yes, i have been aware about this change for about two years, and very frustrated about it, and complaining about it on my own personal blog when it comes to making my gifsets. and being ignored as well. (the first sentence of the post is literally "i'm sorry for talking about this yet again")

so like. anon. we are on the same team? we are both creators on tumblr who have been complaining about this and trying to get it noticed. even if i HAD only just now noticed, and if i had claimed that nobody else had ever noticed before, we would still both just be single users on this website who want a thing changed.

we're on the same side, dude. no need to make it weird.

[the-nation-of-today]

BVB-Versary

🚨WARNING: Big old sappy post ahead🚨

Exactly one year ago today, I listened to Black Veil Brides for the very first time. So now, a year on, call this a narrative about/reflection on the past year.

I’m not usually one to remember the exact date I started listening to an artist so clearly. The only reason I remember this one so vividly is because of where I physically was at that time. Every summer, my family rents out a beach house for a week and we just go and chill. While on the beach one day, I was listening to music and decided I needed something new, I was bored of what I was listening to and needed to switch it up.

Now in May of that year, I had discovered Andy Black and fell in love with the music. I knew Andy was the lead singer of BVB and that I liked his voice so it just seemed right to try out BVB. I knew they were a bit heavier than Andy's solo music, but it was worth a shot since I had been slowly dipping my feet into some heavier music (for me). If I didn't like it, oh well, it was worth a try.

They had a lot of music and I had no idea where to start, so I did what I always do when trying a new artist: I put every song into one massive playlist and just hit shuffle to start getting a taste. The first song that came on was the Re-Stitch version of Perfect Weapon, I'll always remember being taken aback by that first scream. And as I listened more, I started noting down the names of the songs I was particularly endeared to so I could put them on another playlist to focus on them. Eventually, it came to the point where I was writing down every single song that came on. I always joke that something broke in my brain that day, but really it was like something clicked. Whatever it was about this music, it resonated with me on a level that I did not expect.

After my shuffle experiment, I made it a point every day on that beach vacation to listen to one album in order each day, which worked out for the week. I started with Wretched And Divine, mostly because I noticed a lot of those songs were my favorites. Then came Vale, and TPT, and all the other albums. Needless to say, I was hooked. I spent that week consuming as much BVB content as I could find. I listened to the albums, read interviews, watched both American Satan and Paradise City, anything and everything I could find regarding this band or its members. Torch was the first song I really learned, one distinct memory I have is climbing up the beach house stairs and just repeating the chorus in my head to try and get it down and memorized.

We returned home from that vacation, and I had a new determination to learn all of the songs. I copied the lyrics of every song into a google doc, took a screenshot of my BVB playlist to mark off which songs I learned, and began studying. I started with Vale, don't remember the reason why I chose that, and I would just listen on repeat reading those lyrics over and over to drill them into my brain. Every day was BVB for me. I'd pace around my room learning lyrics, finding old videos, just consuming whatever I could. Then, as a treat for surviving a family wedding at the end of the month, I ordered what would be my first batch of BVB merch.

But this wasn't enough for me, I needed more. I turned to Tumblr (it being my main platform) and just began scrounging for content. A lot of it was older, nothing super active, so I resigned myself to just following the tags and finding content that way.

One day in November, however, I reblogged a gifset of the Wake Up MV with some insane tags that you all are probably used to from me. The next day, I got a DM from someone, the person who I reblogged the set from. They saw my tags, and decided that we were the same level of insane and wanted to talk more. We did the social niceties dance for about two hours that day, and once it clicked that we were both insane about this band, that all went out the window and we went unhinged.

This person, who if you hadn’t figured it out already is Sam aka @bornasaint. That day, I had made my first real BVB friend, someone who I could talk to about this band and it was cathartic to just be able to talk to someone who understood me. We were both newer fans, which I think helped in how quickly we bonded. That same month, I started my own BVB tumblr blog (the blog you’re reading this on now, obviously) because I knew this obsession wasn't going anywhere. Also in that month, we started the Black Veil Beloveds server, which was a test run of trying to find more active BVB fans. Obviously it worked, because the BVBeloveds are still going strong.

December of that year, Spotify Wrapped came out as always. Even though I had only started listening in August, BVB was my most played artist of the year at 25,000 minutes played. I was officially deemed as down bad by Spotify. And I was content with that, proud even.

But, soon enough, Tumblr became not enough for me. A lot of it was just old pictures, nothing super current or active. So around February/March of this year, I revamped my twitter that I had barely been using and started making headway into BVBtwt. I'll admit, I was nervous. I hadn't really been active in a fandom twitter space in a long time. But, one day a tweet came up on my timeline asking for people wanting to start a new BVB group chat. I took the plunge, and stated my interest. That group would quickly become yet another set of dearly insane friends. Even though I was a newer fan compared to many and a little bit older than the space I found myself in, I was welcomed in and felt excited to have this again. Something had sparked in me upon finding this band and I felt creatively and socially recharged.

I used to say I wish I had gotten into BVB earlier in my life to experience some of the eras of the band that I hadn't been able to due to not knowing the band existed. But now, I realize that I found them when I needed to, when it was right for me. Call it fate if you will, but I couldn't ask for better timing. This band had defined my senior year of college, so much so that I decorated my grad cap with a lyric from Torch and took them with me to graduation.

And now, one year on, I am at that same house. We rented out the same house from last year, the same one where I spent hours on the deck looking out at the ocean and listening to BVB. That one choice that I made, just to try out this band to see if I liked them, took my life in a completely new directory. A year ago, I never would’ve pictured myself going to a BVB concert and buying VIP for it, but here I am now, 48 days away from meeting them.

And now that I’ve narrated my entire journey of falling in love with this band, some thanks are in order.

First, to Sam, my dear bestie. Thank you for finding my tags amusing enough that you wanted to reach out and thank you for dealing with my insanity, from Bestie Those Are Your Tits to Biersussy and every insane inside joke in between.

To the BVBeloveds, another thank you for putting up with me and my obsession with Andy’s black button down shirts.

To that twitter GC, thank you for being welcoming, our inside jokes have changed me, I don’t know if I’d call it for the better, but they certainly have changed me.

And finally, thank you to Black Veil Brides, for making music that could resonate so deeply with your fans and for solidifying that connection throughout the years.

I promise I'm almost done rambling, but I’ll leave you all with this. My favorite song (if you couldn’t tell by the Everything about me) is Wake Up. That song struck a chord with me, particularly the line “we’ll be here when their heart stops beating”. And I think it resonated with me because that’s the power of music. Even when you are gone, that music remains, those memories remain. Music is eternal, and it changed my fucking life.

So, here’s to my one year BVB-versary, as I like to say, and here’s to many more years of insanity.

#black veil brides #bvb #black veil army #maeve.txt #that got very long and rambly whoops #if you actually read all of that i am giving you a little kissie on the forehead #just a lil mwah

[seokmatthewz]

mutuals appreciation! write heart-felt messages to some of your mutuals (or even ones you haven't talked to yet!) and tag them, BUT don't tell them which message is their, let them guess! after you're done, send this to 1 mutual you want to get a message from!

oh god okay this is very nice and sweet in theory KLDSLD but tragically i am perhaps the person with the most anxiety in the world ever and not telling people which message is for who for whatever reason feels like it would probably kill me so i think instead i will write some silly little notes for my mutuals but tag them directly or else i may die KLFCDSL sorry i cannot play the game properly i am not built like that kldskddsfkl but thank u nonetheless!!!! <3<3

@berryjaellie millie my lovely dearest fairytual who i adore and keep in my pocket it has been a joy interacting with u more thru twt these days be it to bicker or yell loudly or pester u abt matthew or hanbin as always i perpetually hope we can continue to interact more ily mwah!! thank u so much for sending me random little raccoon vids and associating me with cute things that i do not deserve u r so dear 2 me <3

@winxys paula my fucked up little meow meow there is nobody on this website who i would enjoy being the mortal enemy of more (even though with every passing day it seems like we are becoming 🤢friends🤢) as we continue to lose our minds over bbangiz crumbs and whatever onlyoneof are doing at most points in time. i know things have been rough for you lately and i really do hope they get better! here's to hoping zb1 don't debut with noise !!

@chwejongho i am not sure if u use tumblr at all lately (i believe u dont much) but it wld feel deeply wrong and incorrect to leave u off of one of these kaz dearest my boy my best friend my platonic soulmate u have put up with so much from me in these past few months (not to mention these past few years we've been friends) because i am a nuisance who never shuts up so thank you so much for putting up with my hours worth of instagram voice messages about how i was worried about matthew during boys planet even though you didn't watch the show i very much appreciate that you are always a shoulder to cry on for me no matter what the circumstance, be it me being overdramatic about a man i don't know personally or something much more serious. i appreciate you so much no matter how much or little we are talking at any given moment and i am forever wishing you the best no matter what. i love you so much!!

@hyvnsuk gabi my fellow haotual i do not have a ton to say here but i am incredibly amused every single time we have a same brain moment these days it's so fun and cute dslsdfk you're always a joy to have on the dash and your content is so pretty!! i hope ur always doing well mwah!!

@jjanguri rin dearest!! i hope the air quality has improved where u are !! u r so sweet and wonderful and i hope we can interact more soon!!! mwah!!

@haob1n lovely maria!! thank u for all the sweet comments you leave in the tags of my gifsets i do not deserve ur kindness and i am so incredibly overjoyed every time u call me a matthew stan pillar (or something along those lines) KDSSKLD mwah i hope u are always well!!

@zeroze hope!!!! ik we have not interacted much but it is always so fun to briefly goof around w u in the replies of an ask u are so sweet and funny!!! i rlly hope we can talk more soon <3<3

also to all my zerosetuals in general pls feel free 2 chat with me!! i wld love 2 make some zerose friends hehe

#i dont really interact w anyone on here tbh KFLCDSLK tumblr is kind of just a void i yell into #but tysm for thinking of me regardless!!!! #asks #anon

[myevilmouse]

i’m so glad i found your post on luke getting electrocuted. I’ve ALWAYS been insanely turned on by that for pretty much the same reasons you said, and I’ve never seen anyone anywhere openly talk about this ever (considering how massive SW is you’d think there’d be at least one out there somewhere). is there anything else you wanted to say about it and how/why you love it? any other weird unorthodox movie moments that turn you on?

not asking to be weird or perverted, i just love to finally have an outlet to express similar but very niche interests

Hey friend! Thanks for this ask! I love asks and yours is a fun one. First of all, if you haven't explored it already, you may enjoy my tag #he suffers so beautifully, which is pretty much all the Luke Skywalker pain in one place. I have another one #bruised battered bleeding where you may also find some yummy Luke...

I actually took a long time to start reblogging Luke in pain images and gifsets (and some I still don't) because they really sort of hurt my heart, no matter how fabulous Mark looks all contorted and wounded. I'm not a huge fan of whump actually, despite those tags ahahah. Don't really read it and you still won't find a lot of "off with his hand" scenes in my archive, for example. But you make an excellent point--some actors are just sexy when they suffer and there ain't nothing wrong with that.

I think one reason some people (yourself included) may find the electrocution scene so much of a turn on is how those muscle spasms, "o" faces, scrunched-up eyes, tousled hair and jerking hips give us a dark/warped mirror to the erotic throes of orgasm. Someone flailing around so elegantly, those long fingers, those tightly-clad legs....yeah.... Sigh.  There’s a reason it’s called la petite mort, you know? 😈

Anyway, definitely don't feel weird or perverted about being into it. I get it. There are whole dissertations about how horror movies, for example, are these psychosexual outlets--examining the penetration of knives as phallic metaphor, etc etc and so forth... Lots of logical connections between agony and ecstasy, in other words.

Also, and I have discussed it here before, the "I am a Jedi" Death Star scenes are really the crowning hotness of all the Luke scenes in the trilogy. Like I don't know how everyone on set kept from creaming their pants that day/those days. Mark looks SO ridiculously sexy both before and after he's zapped, it honestly doesn't surprise me at all that the zapping also is melting everyone's butter.

LOOK AT HIM was grief ever so sexy?!

gif courtesy of @jadedjo

As for other weird movie moments that turn me on, I am a sucker for the blood-spattered hero. I mean, Kevin Costner in Dances With Wolves? Mel Gibson in Braveheart?  I’m dating myself but cut me some slack hahaha

These are dudes who take a lickin' and keep on lookin' lickable muwahahah. So Mark in that bacta tank, absolutely. I even commissioned art for that to have him super 美少年.

I think part of the attraction to these moments is they humanize our larger-than-life heroes, and they look so good doing it...It's like the old anime cliche of that single line of blood on the cheek. Our gods bleed, and that makes them attainable. Or something like that. I'm on a tangent now.  But cinema is full of heroes that only get sexier the more they suffer and angst, so it’s a logical and very understandable kink, imo.  Thank you for this ask anon, and I’m so happy I have content that will feed that thirst for suffering Luke.... I hope you enjoy exploring that tag on my feed and thank you for being a tumblr buddy!

#asks #i like asks #he suffers so beautifully #luke skywalker #mark hamill #bruised battered bleeding #never broken #heroes are sexy #i'll tumblr for ya #my thoughts

[llycaons]

ep16 (part 2):

oh cinematically tragic lost handhold....

I've seen so many gifsets of wwx in this scene and that's because as terrible as everything is he has genuinely never looked better. very handsome. sorry about the tragedies

aw man there's jyl OH SHE HAS PEARLS SEWN INTO HER ROBE I wonder if the jiangs trade with sects that live along the ocean. do they have ocean access? I can't remember. maybe they're freshwater pearls

when jyl asks what happened and all wwx can do is stand there crying. and jc is also crying. oof

why did she tell wwx to do this...did she think jc couldn't?

a triangle of misery...

there's a really long meta post about the cinematography for this and I don't remember all of it but it's like. jyl and jc are in the foreground so their grief is being paid attention to, but wwx is in the back and you can't even see his face. his grief is ignored, even though he's the central figure. he's also taking on the task of a servant and neither jyl nor jc stop him

this is def a most extreme case (jc and jyl are SUPER traumatized and I'm not even blaming them for this), and it's not representative of all their interactions with wwx, but it gets me thinking. wwx talks about lwj being his equal bc he's good at things in the way that wwx is, but you can also view it like, with lwj wwx is completely free of the tangle of debts and obligations he has with the jiangs, and they look after each other , purely because they care about each other rather, than that onus always being on wwx. jyl does take care of him, and jc does too sometimes, but wwx must do the same for the other two and cannot truly fight back in a meaningful way if he's being mistreated.

obviously this setup above would never happen with lwj bc lwj doesn't see wwx as a servant or someone bound to him at all. he may see other people as servants, but he's always insistent that wwx is taken care of and he wouldn't accept wwx acting this way to him. which is really good! like I feel that ppl who are ride-or-die for yunmeng sibs and ignore lwj don't appreciate how freeing being with lwj is for wwx and how happy he is to have a relationship that's his own and on his own terms. ah, I miss him

jyl getting ill so easily, I think she has an autoimmune disorder. I've seen her hced as having celiac's and having chronic joint pain, and I think either an autoimmune disease or chronic fatigue makes mot sense. and for some conditions, both of those symptoms are seen so it's not a stretch. fibromyalgia, for one

uh oh. last look before the end.

LIFE-ALTERING MOMENT. this scene is so well done. the dread I feel every single time. it's incredible.

literally who is that

flashforward to the scene in 18(?) where jc makes the same promise to jyl about wwx. I feel ill

something really messed up is how often one of the kids will be like 'we'll go together, right"? this past few episodes. they really are clinging to each other like buoys in a storm

this happened when wwx was running out of BM after waking up from wen qing's needle. he runs and falls over :(

oh jeez I bet they're all dead by the end of this huh

MEAN TO WEN NING. he lied kind of awkwardly but it WAS effective. a nice thing about being known for being weak and socially awkward is that nobody suspects you when you're being suspicious

I wonder what happened to those women too. I assume they're wens, unless they were hired by wens. the clan is fucking huge idk

HE KNEW. and he knew it could have been lethal, I assume, unless he detected the exact poison used. and he somehow knew it was for the bodies of the jiang parents, huh

next episode will also be pretty rough but sunshot/postsunshot are among my favorite arcs so I am HYPED

also we'll finally see lwj again next ep. I think. I miss him. I wonder how many eps jc is missing from. surely several in a row, esp postres. yi city for sure. he's been in every one so far. now I'm curious

#cql re-rewatch

[blush-and-books]

i’m sorry, but i fell in love tonight

short fic based off of this gifset by @juliesmolinas and the song is there somewhere by halsey. in fact it is mandatory that you listen to the song/read the lyrics/both before/during reading this. yes i said mandatory.

angst with a sappy ending, julie goes through a lifetime of emotions in less than 3k, was originally gonna write when i was in a more emotionally raw state but writing this made me emotionally raw so... enjoy <3

warnings: swearing

Julie made the promise at some point -- she just doesn’t know exactly when.

It may have been when he appeared at her school, all shy smiles and soft glances, professing that she made him a better writer. Or, more definitively, it could have been when she forlornly pulled him into her arms a moment before she was positive that she was to lose him forever. 

All that she knew was her time with Luke was fleeting. So she swore that her butterfly-wing crush was not allowed to fill her chest or dizzy her thoughts; that his lyrics would mean nothing more next to hers than words on a page and his touches would bring her little to no comfort.

Luke Patterson could not complete her. 

The universe wouldn’t allow it -- and neither would Julie Molina. 

But -- either Luke was blissfully unaware of their impending doom or he genuinely didn’t care -- he forced himself through every barrier she attempted to erect. And it was driving her nearly insane, because she made a promise to protect herself. 

Maybe she wasn’t strong enough to do it. Or maybe the universe, despite refusing to give Julie Luke in his entirety, did not want her to be protected. 

It was all in the little things-

When she stayed up with him in the garage, playing him all of the songs he’s missed in 25 years, and he danced around on the slippery floor in his socks and grinned at her with wide green eyes. The neon emerald in the dim light was reminiscent of driving on the highway and passing sign after sign leading to the exits she could have taken, but couldn’t bring herself to.

How New Years Eve arrived and the Molina family gathered in the driveway to light sparklers; Luke’s hand brushing hers as he passed off one of the two in his hands. 

In his head lulling onto her shoulder while she was trying to finish some homework with his help on the torn couch and his lips moving against her bare skin  as he mumbled that she needed to take a break before driving herself insane; followed by her braiding her hair to get it out of her face.

She already had driven herself insane -- but not over her homework. 

(His mouth on her shoulder was the answer to a prayer she never dared to murmur aloud.)

Luke never failed to be present when he was needed. If she was sick or stressed or depressed, he knew when to fuse to her side and when to offer some space. Through careful observation rather than conversation, he knew which of her many sweatshirts were reserved for illness or emotional support. 

In most of those situations, she needed him, too. Her fingernails would curl into his biceps through a cramp or wave of tears and he would wrap her in his embrace and swarm her with warm words that dried her eyes.

She hated it.

When they wrote music, it felt as though they were already reading each other's minds before either of them had spoken a word about their plans. Their journals contained inky black waterfalls spilled from an intimacy that Julie did not want to dissect. 

Again, she hated it. She loved it more than anything and hated that she loved it all -- because it could never be real. 

She would always play second fiddle to death. 

Julie made the promise to herself to not let Luke complete her because, while she had him for now, the night of the Orpheum was a reminder that the universe would not hesitate to snap it’s fingers and eliminate him from existence. 

The universe, being the confusing, stubborn bitch it is, just didn’t get the memo on that promise. 

Because Luke filled every crack and restored every gap in her being, and he shouldn’t.

The hopeless, pining romantic in her that constantly argued with her realist side said they were meant to meet. Even if it was brief and heartbreaking and had the power to hurt her in a way she didn’t understand, it had to happen. If it wasn’t supposed to happen, then how and why did he cross space and time only to fall at her feet?

(Soulmates, a taunting voice whispered. Soulmates.)

((The voice was locked in a closet as punishment.))

She didn’t want to entertain the word. It had too much of a forlorn, wistfully romantic sound to it that Julie didn’t need to associate with Luke when she spent most moments with him at this point convincing herself that she wasn’t in love.

Until tonight.

It is past midnight, which is when anyone’s mental state starts to alter. Things that would be labelled as bad ideas in the daylight could very possibly become fair game when shrouded in a darkness that made everything private. The two of them, Luke and Julie, Julie and Luke, are nestled together on the piano bench as her fingers tiredly press each cut of ivory in a working melody.

“I have an idea,” Luke says, gently shifting his left hand to cover hers on the keys. “Why don’t we press pause on this song for a minute?”

Then, she finally looks up at him. Her eyes probably have crescents like the dark side of the moon crossing her skin, and her hair is all over the place, but he’s staring at her in one of the rare ways that she hates.

She hates it because the look convinces her that she completes him.

This time, however, there’s a hope. A hope, and a hesitance, and she’s simultaneously extremely nervous and beyond curious as to what his plans are. 

“Did- Didn’t you want to finish this tonight?” 

Regret strikes across his face, but he recovers. The softness is back. “Yeah, I just think we need a change of pace.” Right hand on the back of his neck: A telltale sign of a confession of some kind. She’s seen it more times than is healthy. “There was another song I wanted to show you, actually.”

“Oh.” She blinks, he waits. “Yeah, uh, I mean, yeah. Show me. What do you have so far?” He clears his throat as he thrums through the pages to find his target. “The whole thing.”

Julie doesn’t have time to react -- although she’s already in a panic -- before the leather-bound book is being awkwardly shoved into her hands, and the first thing she sees at the top is Luke’s nearly illegible scribble of Dark Room (song for Julie).

“Luke-”

“Just read it.” His voice is significantly raspier than it was a minute ago. “Please.”

She can’t. If he feels the same way and the confession is undeniably in front of her, then what is she supposed to do? Would she rather break Luke’s heart now to save them both down the line, or delay the misery a little longer?

It’s not that she doesn’t want it -- she does. But she doesn’t know if she’s emotionally equipped for any of the options that are offered to her. The destination of any path she chooses leads to a world of heartache.

So, she does the only thing she can think in the moment: She reads the song.

Instantly, the lyrics are blurred from the tears in her eyes because she sees the words “love” and “together” and her greatest fears and grandest wishes are coming true. The sonnet proclaims that she’s his light that illuminated his once-dark forever, and that he was hers when they didn’t even know each other, and that he will be hers wherever he ends up next.

He just wanted her to know that he would have waited another lifetime in the blank, limitless limbo he was in for 25 years if he knew she would be there when he was set free.

And, in the moment, Julie allows herself to acknowledge that her promise is broken.

She’s fallen in love. 

And, apparently, he has too.

(Maybe they can claim just one night. The universe owes them that much, doesn’t it?)

“Julie?” God, he sounds so worried. A shaking finger trails up her jaw to catch falling tears, and his contact makes her gasp. He pulls away and shoves his hands together to fidget in his lap. “Julie, are you- Fuck, I’m sorry, I just fucked this up, didn’t I? I fucked it all up. Fuck, I-”

When she chances a look up at him for the first time in the couple of minutes that she’s been staring, hopelessly, at the song in her lap -- he’s got his face covered by his hands pressing roughly into his eyes, and he’s turned to face the piano instead of her.

He takes a deep breath, and it sounds… 

Stuffy. 

Three more tears leak from Julie’s eyes. More build up every minute as her right hand runs along his shoulder, “Luke…”

“No, Julie, please just drop it.”

“Luke.”

“I clearly misread a lot of stuff, and I’m tired, so maybe you can just go to bed and forget-”

Her hand wraps tightly around his upper arm like it’s done so many times when she has been in distress. “Luke.”

There’s a crack in her voice from sheer desperation. She needs him to look at her, so that she can wipe his tears and smile through the sobs and tell him he didn’t misread a single thing. She would wait a lifetime for him to come out of the dark room, she loves him too, and she’s going to forget all about it. 

And ask him to do the same.

At least the scratch of his name catches his attention long enough, because he angles back towards her, and swallows thickly before meeting her eyes. Salty teardrops linger against his eyelids and eyelashes; the red rimming illuminating the oceanic green to look like a gemstone. Her grip relaxes.

“Yeah, Julie?”

She attempts a smile. “The song is beautiful, Luke. I love it.”

I love you.

“That’s it? It’s beautiful, and you love it, but you don’t… I’m not in your dreambox, huh?”

He clearly hasn’t dug through it in awhile. He’s everywhere. Discarded guitar picks and notes he’s left in her school journals and plenty, plenty of songs.

It’s funny, because she told him her dreambox was for things that didn’t make her sad. Luke was a double-edged sword -- making her happy every day in a new way, and making her cry into her pillow at night.

How does she explain this? There’s a whirlwind of responses running through her brain and she can barely coherently comprehend any of them. 

“No,” she finds herself sighing as she raises her hand to his cheek, followed by her other hand so that he can’t try and turn away. “No, Luke, no… You’re wrong.”

“What do you mean ‘I’m wrong?’”

Her bottom lip starts to shake. “You think I don’t love you back.”  Both of them feel their breath catch at her use of the word out loud. It feels like a secret that shouldn’t be repeated. “And you’re wrong.”

“... I’m wrong.”

“Of course you’re wrong! You really think I don’t love you back?”

“Why are you crying if you love me?”

“Because we can’t do this!”

He scoffs, and Julie’s heart is racing in her chest as he pushes himself off of the piano bench and her hands fall from his face. What has she done?

“That’s bull, Julie.” His fingertips tug at his hair. “You don’t need to make a big dramatic show to convince me it’s wrong just to let me down easy. You aren’t going to talk me out of this.” Dead-on, he stops pacing back and forth, and looks her in the eye. “I love you.”

Listening to him say it, the way his mouth moves and his voice ticks with conviction at each syllable, is what makes her break. 

“And I love you too.” 

He reels back. He probably wasn’t expecting her voice to raise from their odd, in-between whisper and normal volume.

“But don’t you get it? Luke, we aren't in some magical place where we can meet each other in the middle. A place like that doesn’t exist. You’re dead, and I’m alive, and any future here ends with both of us losing each other.” 

“Julie-”

“You said you would wait another lifetime, right?” Using his own lyrics against him. She watches his hands twitch before nodding; the movements of his head barely visible. “Then wait. Another lifetime, another two -- the fucking universe clearly didn’t want us to have this one, so we’re stuck waiting for the next one.”

Even through his clear and fighting need to argue, to talk with her about this, he stiffly nods his head. It’s obvious that she has thought way too much about this from the way she’s barely choking out each word before crumbling into tears before his eyes -- but then again, he’s thought about it too. 

Callused hands are running along her neck to tilt her face up out of the blue. She was too busy crying to notice that he had crossed the distance between them to stand right in front of her and assure that she was meeting his eyes.

“Luke-”

“No, Julie, it’s my turn. Please.”

She won’t argue with him. So, with a tender swipe of his thumbs under her eyes, he proceeds.

“Look, I get it. You think I don’t get it? I fucking hate being dead, for so many reasons, Julie. But if I never died, I never would have met you.” Her lips part, and maybe he thinks she’s going to protest because he smoothly lifts a finger in front of her lips that barely makes contact. 

(Julie almost presses her lips into it.)

“And you’re right. I wish there was somewhere that we could meet in the middle, but we don’t have that. I wish so many things, Julie. But none of them involve a life where I don’t have you.”

She whimpers, because listening to the man that normally chains his emotions in a cage bare his soul to her at nearly one in the morning is a seriously more out-of-body experience than she expected. She knew, deep down, that she loved him. But she never allowed herself to feel the all-encompassing warmth that she feels now.

“But hey, Julie, look at me,” he coaxes her with a tone that drips with affection. The pads of his fingers are nearly kneading into the back of her neck. “Like you said: The universe didn’t want to give us this lifetime. They couldn’t let us have all the fun, right?” Both of them let out a watery chuckle. “But they still brought me to you, didn’t they? They let me know you in this lifetime, even if we couldn’t have forever. I said I would be yours wherever I am. So even if this,” he gestures to his ghostly form, “isn’t forever, even if we don’t have this lifetime… You know I’ll love you forever, right?”

It was a monologue straight from one of her dreams that left her waking up with a manic smile and tears running down her face. 

Unable to form any other response besides an unaware nod, Julie waits for him to continue.

“And maybe, the universe will give us the next lifetime, or a whole new universe, or… Just somewhere where we can get forever.” 

Abruptly, his hands slide from her neck and grasp her hands like he needs to hold on firmly enough to believe that she’s still real in front of him. Julie is still speechless and teary, and in the most sentimental gesture, Luke kisses the back of both of her hands. 

“We’ll get forever, Julie.” His warm breath puffs against her skin. “I promise you.”

And, well, if he promises forever in the next life -- then why can’t she take what she can get in this one?

--

tags: @bluefirewrites @willexx @unsaid-emily @lydias--stiles @moreflowersthanweeds @pink-flame 

#this will also be posted on ao3 lmao #jatp #julie and the phantoms #juke #jukebox #palina #juke fanfic #jatp fanfic

[bleulone]

i love your analysis so much! i have a question as well, like, how do you envision polin's sex scenes ? thanks for your answer (:

    Hey! Thank you very much :)) I have no idea if they are that even good but I’m happy you like them. It’s just my brain tending to produce some iNsIGhiTfUL analyses though they usually end up drowned under a huge wave of stupidity and horrid spelling/grammatical mistakes XD. So, about Penelope and Colin’ sex scenes, I guess we’re getting spicy in this house 🌶. I mean, I don’t blame you. Who’s not hot for Polin ?! The steamy Polin hours have already begun and they’re legit challenging my patience. (Be still my Polin heart, be still).

   Okay, without further ado, let’s talk about sex baby, shall we ? It’s a pretty long answer/meta so bear with me.

    I don’t know if you’ve read Romancing Mister Bridgerton, but a quick reminder (for those who haven’t... yet), there are a bunch of iconic steamy scenes that I’m dying to watch on screen. First we have the famous “thank you” scene where Penelope, now a 28 year-old spinster, asks Colin to kiss her because she doesn’t want to die without having been kissed... then ends up thanking him— which happens to be humiliating for our 33 year-old boy because he thinks that she thinks he did it out of pity while he absolutely did not. The man definitely felt butterflies in his stomach... and in other places as well lol. We also have the ICONIC carriage scene where Colin gives Pen’s generous bosoms™ the attention they deserve. This is followed by his proposal. Later on, after the announcement of their engagement, there’s a pretty hot make-out scene on Lady Violet’s sofa. Finally, we have their first time in Colin’s bedroom, after sneaking out of their own engagement party... which leads Colin to push the wedding date forward. At this point, I just love their horniness, especially Colin’s who’s just so freaking amazed by Penelope for more than 300 pages straight (duh! who isn’t ???).

    When you say envision, I suppose you mainly refer to the way those scenes will be filmed right ? I’m afraid I don’t have an advanced knowledge in film-making but let me start by telling you what elements need to be depicted. I would love Shonda and Chris to capture the real essence of our boos’ feelings : the yearning, the love, the respect and the guilt (specifically on Colin’s side) in their eyes. The more we move forward throughout the seasons, the more we see different layers of the perceptions of they have of each other, going from a childish idealization/immature ignorance to a sudden realization. A mature one. Penelope goes beyond the facade of the charming devil-may-care guy to meet the seriousness and temper of her significant other. Meanwhile Colin discovers how confident, powerful and attractive this woman is and always has been. It echoes what I’ve written about the importance of the gaze in Polin’s love story in this meta. By the time season 4 hits, man... their heart eyes and eye-fucking will jump OUT XD, all fibers of their beings, burning with need. The fact that this evolution took literally years is very emotionally painful, which is why I find it important to keep the slowness aspect of their relationship before and during their love making. I’m really looking forward a slow build-up toward their intimacy. It would differ from Daphne and Simon who merely shared one hell of a kiss in Lady Trowbridge’s garden then shared their sexy times after they married or Anthony and Siena’s rough sex... In fact, there’s a certain (sweet) ardent tenderness in Polin I like due to the fact that they’re slowly (re)discovering each other, as adults. Since they were both introduced in season 1, the audience will have all the time in the world to notice numerous evidences of the many natures of love they have for one another : from an affectionate and friendly love to a more carnal and enduring one.

    Okay so, in terms of filming, with Netflix’s Bridgerton being a show which promotes the female gaze, it wouldn’t be that much of a surprise watching those sex scenes being shot from Penelope’s perspective, like it was the case with Daphne in the first installment of the series. Most of the time, sex scenes in Historical Romance are not gratuitous. Their presence serve an important purpose in a hero/heroine’s journey. In Penelope’s case, they’re here to help her learn to embrace and love herself. In other words, sexuality is synonym of freedom. I don’t know if they’ll show a lot of skin, but I won’t be complaining considering the fact that we’ll have the chance to get a chief kiss treat on screen : a plus size woman in a major successful Netflix period drama getting a love story as romantic and steamy as other more “fit” female characters. No, your weight doesn’t prevent you from being desirable at all. As far as I’m concerned, I haven’t watched a plus-size female character portrayed as an attractive protagonist in a period drama (please if you have, let me know, I can be wrong). Having a beautiful half bare curvy body like Nicola’s being equally filmed like numerous slim actresses will be so inspiring and powerful to watch, especially for (young) women who struggle, like Penelope, to love their body shape which, to them, doesn’t “fit” the “beauty standards”. By showing her female gaze and portraying her as seductive, Pen’s “supposed” imperfections transform themselves into mighty assets, loved and worshipped by our dashing Mister Bridgerton. That’s body positivity at its finest darling ;).

    It will be deliciously erotic watching the undressing process being exquisitely slow, garment by garment, while their gaze are all heated and hungry. Their sex/make-out scenes should be tender and passionate, sweet and raw. The lightning, colored by a dark blood orange yellow or a blue depending the locations^^. Moreover, the depiction of the exploration of Penelope’s desire can translate itself thanks to multiple close ups. For instance, I can imagine a few ones on Pen’s fingers gently roaming over the smooth skin of Colin’s firm chest and back/touching his hair right after he removed his shirt. And a disheveled Colin letting his hands and lips making a journey of their own, mapping, conquering the alluring unknown territory that is her gorgeous voluptuous body... kissing her on the places he knows oh too well will give her pleasure (is this me wanting him to go down on her?— um yeah I sure hope it IS! If he doesn’t, trust me imma riot... AGAIN). Even a close up on her face while Colin is performing his addictively pleasing torment will be a marvelous proof of the female gaze. By the way, why not even adding a post-coital scene after their first time ? I can picture Penelope waking up first and contemplate her handsome soon-to-be husband. She’d bring her hand to his face and let it travel all around his forehead, his cheeks, his lips, his neck and let it rest on his heart— making sure that what she’s just experience was real... obviously, Colin will wake up in the process and he’ll take this as his cue to go for another round of sexy times under the sheets.

   Showing Pen reaction is essential according to me because she was stuck with the idea that she would never experience the luxury of being loved, giving pleasure nor receiving it... she ended up being happily wrong. Throughout her multiple intimate encounters with Colin, I want her to progressively realizes that she can be an active partner. In the carriage, she knew she had an effect on him, but it’s not until their first time that she actually realizes it. Hence the reason why I WANT the mirror’s introduction in one of their sex scenes. Here’s as a little reminder an excerpt from chapter 18 :

“I want to see you sitting up," he groaned, "so I can see them full and lovely and large [about Pen’s breasts]. And then I want to crawl behind you and cup you." His lips found her ear and his voice dropped to a whisper. "And I want to do it in front of a mirror."

“Now?” she squeaked.

He seemed to consider that for a moment, then shook his head. "Later," he said, and then repeated it in a rather resolute tone. "Later.”

   It would be such a shame if the show doesn’t use the incredible potential of this object (/kink). I mean, the symbolism is pretty clear. Penelope has always fled her “ugly” reflection but it seems like Colin wants to show the real her, the beauty that holds every single inch her alabaster skin and the effects they have on him. Thus, I would love to watch a scene where Colin just praises the alluring goddess and siren that is Penelope Featherington. Just imagine! Just IMAGINE the power of this scene : a shirtless Colin sitting behind her on a bed, meeting her gaze in the mirror, his lips touching her right ear, biting and licking the lobe sometimes, whispering all kinda of dirty yet poetic words to her while letting his hands caress her thighs, her hips, her arms, her lovely bosoms™... oof. At the same time, a wonderful and harmonic instrumental music will play in the background and match the melodic partition of shudders, breathes and moans let out by our lovers. I can imagine Luke inspiring himself from his performance in the 2019 short film, Youth In Bed. The way he conveyed the awe and the yearning on his face, in his eyes with his mouth slightly open when he knelt before his partner Shun Yin was just captivating and— and so Colin! I cannot help but bring myself to picture Ethan, the character he played in YIB, in a Polin steamy scene. I cannot unsee this anymore jsksk. I mean, all this gifset radiates this book4chapter18!Colin, you cannot tell me otherwise!

    Also, I would love Shonda and Chris to keep Pen and Colin’s cute/emotional pillow talk. One thing I really love in JQ’s books is the concern she gives to her male protagonists about potentially hurting their partner during the act of penetration. Colin is a rake, and what his experience with women taught him is that he needs to be very gentle with the love of his life. It was so adorable seeing him not wanting to harm her and asking her to tell him if he does anything she doesn’t like 🥺. Plus, before actually doing it, Colin and Penelope shared a few kisses and just laid down side by side, confessing their love. Though our boy kept feeling guilty about not returning her love after all these years. He desires nothing but to make up for the lost time and show his love and desire during this special intimate moment. I hope they’ll keep all of chapter 18’s dialogue. It’s just so telling of our boos’ feelings, you see.

    All in all, I can’t wait to watch those Polin steamy scenes. As much as I may sound crazy, I want them after two other seasons of pure pining and yearning in order to have a very good payoff. I’m not an expert on depicting intimacy on screen, but I loved so far what Lizzy Talbot, the intimacy coordinator who worked on the show, have done in season 1. Sex scenes in Bridgerton seem very real and dive you in the intimacy of the moment, leaving you all flustered and hot. So probs to her! I have faith in her work and have no doubts about what her and the directors will serve us in future seasons. Though, in the end, I think it’s mostly up to the actors, Nicola and Luke, to see if they’re comfortable filming sex scenes.

    If you guys have any suggestions or wishes for those steamy polin scenes, please do share them :) by commenting on this post or by sending me asks! I’d love reading your thoughts/take on this very important matter ;)) 

#bleulone answers #meta and gush #polin #colin x penelope #bridgerton #colin bridgerton #penelope featherington #polin meta #ask #anon #luke newton #julia quinn #nicola coughlan

[moonlightsdream]

gifmaker appreciation tag rules: answer the first half of the questions with gifsets of your own, then answer the second half by tagging gif makers you love!

tagged by: @therukurals @jaehwany @baijingting @liveasbutterflies @thingskateknows @koreandragon @belsmultifandommess @baek1nho @cuddlybitch (sorry if i missed anyone else who tagged me)

LINK A GIFSET…

Link a gifset you’re really proud of: this awae gifset, still can't believe how well this one truned out to be, all the layers and mess layers i made just for the blending.. i topped myself with that one!!

Link a gifset where you tried something new:  this 8 years old dair gif !! how i used hyuoka’s sakura petal falling scene, the minute i saw that scene i know i had to use it with that dair pic.. it was so pretty.. i remember wanting to add [happily ever after] but i wasn't that good with text yet and still has a long way to go with text usage..... another one is this arthdal chronicles eunseom/saya manip set, i don't usually do these kinds of manips but this one turned out really good, i remember taking making the colors match in both scenes took me time as the saya one was a very pale one....

Link a gifset that features your favorite character or celebrity: there's so many.. just a few this kim youngdae being #1 rona/seokrona fan, this queen shim sureyon set , my boy taichi who deserves happiness, i could go forever!!

Link a gifset that you want more people to see: this penthouse revenge set, it took me hours, days and tears to make it..... i had tons of folders inside of folders for each point of the revenge and i ended up dropping some gifs while making it, and to make them all under 10mb was the challenge!! but with it in full you can almost see the whole plot of the later half of the 2nd season.. and a big thanks for @shady-swan-jones as she helped me lots while making it, some moments wouldn't even made it in the set without her inputs!!

Link a gifset that you had fun making: these 1 / 2 seokhoon/rona moments through out the seasons since they were a good excuse to rewatch their scenes... also this louie/bokshil gifset for the same reason!! this fresh prince moment because it was so funny!!

Link a gifset that you created as part of a meme, challenge, or series: these 1 / 2  sets as part of @gimme-a-chocolate challenges, i love allie quotes challenges, they're so fun and seeing how everyone use the quotes are even more fun. all the prettiness!!

Link a gifset of yours that makes you smile: this a love so beautfiul set because they were so cuuuuute and fluffy!! also this slam dunk that moment got me rolling on the floor every single time... also this seokhoon/rona moment the cute fluff moments i want to see more!! 

Link a gifset that you made for someone else: this run on set as a present for @mostlyfate for the valentine challenge for a split second i would've chosen danoh/baekkyung for her!! 

TAG SOMEONE WHO…

Tag someone who inspired you to start making gifs: i've been making gifs for a long time that i don't remember who inspired me.

Tag someone who makes great vibrant gifs: hannah @cuddlybitch angela @mercurialhigh cam @haeyeongs and christina @gangtaes the way their gifs are vibrant is goals!! also everyone on how do you color tag.

Tag someone who makes great pale/pastel gifs: emily @mostlyfate is a master when it comes to pastel colors, i can't even begin to discribe how beautiful they're. instant reblog!!!  also fiya @chanikang gifs so pretty!!

Tag someone who gifs for a fandom you love: everyone in the kdrama community, and a shout out to luni queen @gominshi for all those wonferful hq gifs she's been blessing us the youth of may fandom!

Tag someone who uses text/typography really well in their gifsets: hannah @cuddlybitch sam @baijingting JP @deokmis how do you make them is just so utterly beautiful!! you inspire me everytime to be more creative with it!!!

Tag someone who motivates you to step up your game: becca @yesdramas, luni @gominshi for those big hq gifs and being on roll with giffing!! sara @baek1nho for all those compilations set she makes and how she manage to color them very similarly!! sam @baijingting for all her quotesets gifs! kate @thingskateknows for giffing all those different kdramas and blessing us. JP @deokmis gil @therukurals for being so creative when giffing.. and everyone in the kdrama community!!

Tag someone who you have taken inspiration from: these people on how do you gif tag. so creative and talented people! 

Tag gif makers who you admire and appreciate! (Put as many people here as you want!): @gangtaes @mercurialhigh @tytrack @mostlyfate @dramaintherain @intostarlight @ryn-s @cheonsoho @lavenderbyun @haeyeongs @stevenrogered @lee-sejoo @melonatures @chanikang @winar @uppoompat anyone who wants to make it

#tag game #tagged #this was fun #i got a look back at some of my old gifs

[anthonycrowley]

this is a genuine question, but if the spnhater blog was part of a sociology project would it even be ethical to use the data gathered from it?

okay, i do actually feel qualified to answer this, because i was actually a soc major in college (and i would like to maybe eventually get my phd, although admittedly right now i am working a 9 to 5 where i don't really use that part of my degree) just please note that while i have done a couple of (minor) qualitative studies, i was always more into quantitative research, which doesn't have the same issues with consent that qualitative does.

would it be ethical? short answer: maybe. depends on what they were planning to do with it, mainly, and how the data was presented, and, depending on how long the 'study' goes on for, if you continue to keep your identity a secret.

long answer: i think the real question is whether or not the data would even be usable for sociology, actually.

for the couple of qualitative observations i've done, i find that consent can get a bit. murky. and when you think about it, it makes sense, and i don't think it's even really unethical - sometimes, sociological observations take place in big, open, public spaces. i've done an observation in a public park, once. two problems arise from this: 1. how could a researcher possibly get informed consent from every single person who happens to be in a public space, every time, and 2. if they did, that would inevitably change how people acted, rendering data useless. you want to see how people act in a situation. think about how you act when you know someone is watching you compared to when you're just doing whatever. it changes, right? in a discipline where you are studying a group and how they behave naturally, this knowledge will likely skew how people behave. you should get consent, when you can, but that's simply not always possible.

the main aspect of consent in sociology when it comes to observational studies is more geared toward anonymity of participants, to the point where someone cannot identify them later, and not outright lying about who you are. (informed consent comes more into play once you've already gotten some of your observational data and perhaps start interviewing people in the group you're observing - at that point you have to identify yourself as a researcher, say what the study is on, talk about how their identity will not be revealed, etc. and actually get consent from the participant). if you're doing a long term ethnographical study, yes, you will probably have to tell residents of the area why you're there - if i wasn't joking about observing people since november 5th, for example, that probably would have been an ethical dilemma in terms of, maybe, people i was following directly, because i would have gotten A Lot Of Data from people who didn't consent or know they were being observed, but if i went to my local grocery store and observed the meat counter for an hour, taking down notes about how people spoke and how they acted, i probably would need permission from the business, but not necessarily the individual people as long as i didn't identify them in any way that could be traced back to them.

the best way i can think of to explain what makes for problems in consent in observational data for sociology is a book from the 1960s called Tearoom Trade by Laud Humphreys, which if you're interested in knowing more about the modern day ethics of sociological research, is basically a manual on what not to do. Humphreys wanted to do research into 'tearooms,' which at the time were a slang term for men's bathrooms where men would meet up and have homosexual sex. problem number one with this is that, well, at the time he was married to a woman and was by all accounts heterosexual*, so he didn't actually have a way to get into these spaces to study participants. what he did was presented himself as a voyeur, so he was allowed entry, and would then observe how these men acted around each other.** that isn't really the main issue with the study though - the real ethical problem came later, because Humphreys would, under false pretenses, interview participants, and he would then record the participants' license plate numbers, find their home addresses, and interview their family members. i hope i don't have to explain to you why that's wrong for like, a bunch of reasons. but his actual observations weren't the problem in and of itself - it was the deception of who he was and the complete disregard of privacy for participants, whether they were a large part of the study conducted by Humphreys (ie a participant who was interviewed) or not.

anyway, circling back. really, the main way that blog (or frankly, any sociological researcher), would be breaching ethics when it comes to observing the tumblr community as a group is if they identified specific people, either through urls or through content. i would argue it may not be wise to directly quote a post, because google exists and the text will be online, but i think as long as you sit back, watch, and discuss what happens around you, you're good, at least until you get to the interview stage. maybe you could argue that if the blog was active for more than like, a couple of hours, they may have needed to get consent of people they were following, but other than that i think the observation aspect is pretty above board. the biggest ethical problem with that blog is more that the blog was deceptive in who they were, which is a problem, but hell, it's a public platform and who's to say the person running the blog doesn't enjoy supernatural? that they're a supernatural blog? i joked about how i was observing supernatural fans since november 5th, and i do enjoy supernatural. if it just went that far, if i just started a separate blog and just. observed for a short period of time, maybe reblogged a few gifsets so people didn't think i was a bot. would that be unethical? i'm not completely sure one way or another.

but i would argue that, if that blog actually were for a sociological study, even if we could determine it was 100% by the books ethical, the data gathered would be completely fucking useless - and for that matter, if i was telling the truth about studying people, that data would probably be largely useless as well. the reason is because both that blog and me actually impacted the community we were quote unquote researching. the blog is now a variable. obviously there is more than one blog, but would those specific people have said those specific things if that specific researcher wasn't there? in general, sociological studies don't have varibles in the same way as psych studies or scientific studies or whatever, because we're studying a group, not the effect a researcher has on a group by doing something the group would not otherwise have done. it's bad research. now, if someone not running the blog observed that, it would probably be fine, but that wasn't the implication. it would be like me sitting in a park and happening to witness a fistfight break out, rather than me doing something to cause the fistfight.

anyway, if it wasn't clear the person who runs that blog (who is not me) is not actually a researcher, and neither am i, currently. but if we were, we probably would have had to be a bit more sound, morally, but there are ways you can get data from an event like that without it being unethical if you don't get informed consent from everyone involved - but you probably would have to be very lucky when it comes to timing. but the person running the blog or their friend certainly could not be the people doing that research. hope that kind of answers the question, if people disagree feel free to discuss.

*this is worded as such because wikipedia just told me, interestingly, Humphreys came out as a gay man in the mid 70s , separated from his wife, and had a male partner from 1980 until his death in 1988. he actually later did a lot of research into gay communities - presumably now from the perspective of a gay man - but, frankly, i think his lasting impact in sociology is still unfortunately on ethics and protecting research participants.

**i suppose it's worth noting, probably because of the above asterisk, that i had heard (yes, before i had heard he came out as gay) that there are theories that the voyeur thing was a front and he was participating to gain entry into these spaces, which he obviously didn't want to disclose, because it was the 1960s and he was married. i only bring this up because, if this were the case, i'd argue that at least the deception to gain entry into the space is no longer really an ethical issue, although the study is still obviously riddled with problems.

#this is a novel also #tw homophobia discussion #kind of tearoom trade sure is A Book #fandom:spn

[bonesliketambourines]

top five of ‘20

Rules: It’s time to love yourselves! Choose your 5 (ish) favourite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. Tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

thank you @xanthippe74 for the tag!

well! it’s been quite a year, hasn’t it? 

i hadn’t written fanfic at all since like 2012 prior to this year, and that was in a completely different fandom; when drarry grabs you, it grabs hard, eh? i wrote 51 fics this year and there’s still time for more 😬

picking my top five is hard! i already went a little too into my feelings about what are probably my automatic first choices here and here, so i’m going to exclude those from this list!

i always make the ‘i love all my children equally’ joke from arrested development about my fic, but for the most part i’m really telling the truth—i know not all my fics are incredible or excellent, but i put time and effort into all of them, and even the not as good ones are part of my journey as a writer, because i really feel i’ve improved by leaps and bounds this year. i’ve certainly gotten better at producing a quality fic at the eleventh hour, haha.

honestly though, there absolutely are some fics that are a little closer to my heart (besides the two mentioned in the links above), so i’m going to attempt to narrow that down into five!

in no particular order:

the best kind of bad: this was an expansion of a discord drabble, and is my first attempt at writing first-person, ever! it also was a bit of a tone shift from my previous efforts up to this point—a little darker, a little ambiguous, less focus on humor and snappy banter and more on making the atmosphere match the vibes i was going for. this was my first more ‘open ending’ fic that doesn’t answer all the questions it put forth, and i definitely have taken that and run with it in the intervening months!

push and pull you down: so i think by now everyone in the drarry fandom knows about this gifset, right? of course when a fest all about inspiration from gifs and images came out i had to use this one! i’ve always loved the idea of a totally unredeemed draco who isn’t trying to be nice and conform to post-war life, a draco who still uses his money and his name to get his way no matter what. and what better exemplifies that than drug-peddling and sex on potions? i also have a lot of thoughts about harry as an auror—i love writing him as confident and competent, of course, but equally do i enjoy writing him questioning himself and wondering if maybe this path isn’t for him after all. also, smoking is sexy and that’s that on that.

in knots: so, full disclosure; i didn’t like this one at all when i first wrote and posted it. it was kinktober and here i was writing a sad, strange little fic about PTSD and living up to our legacies and how our images of ourselves are based so much on our parents, and the adults in our lives, and the things we were told as children. what the fuck is that doing in the middle of all the relatively hot smut i wrote? but, up it went, and when i re-read it the next day, i completely changed my tune. it’s rough, sure—all of my kinktober things are as they’re not edited at all, but this one has probably more feelings per capita than almost anything else i’ve written, and it got right to the heart of a lot of the character motivations that i have in my head when i write these two, but don’t always articulate.

in His name: ahhhhh man. okay. so this one really, really got away from me as you can tell by the word count. i didn’t edit or revise any of my kinktober fics before posting them, but this one i spent a lot of time researching first, and i’m thrilled with how it came out. as someone who grew up watching buffy and had a long-time love affair with supernatural, writing something with sexy demonic possession has always been on my wish list, but it’s not exactly a common thing to work into the harry potter universe! i got to sprinkle this fic with all of my favorite tropes and i think i managed to maintain the intensity of the fic throughout the whole thing, even though it’s so dang long haha.

in charge: so anybody who’s read my writing knows that i have a pretty particular style of draco and harry that i write. even if i adjust their personalities, there are some core tenets that remain. i went a totally different route for them with this one, and i love how it turned out. forcing myself to step back and throw away everything i’m used to for characterization was so, so fun, and this dynamic and vibe is just so tasty that i may have to come back to it!

and yes, three of the five of these are from kinktober. i found that having to come up with new ideas every single day really stretched my writer muscles and forced me to go outside my comfort zone in so many ways; it was a challenge to not just write the same exact scenario with a cut-and-paste kink for the smut, but at the risk of sounding self-aggrandizing, i really think i achieved that, and i’m quite proud of everything i wrote that month. it made me a better writer and i highly recommend that everyone participate in something like this if they’re able!

and hey would you look at that—you’ll get the chance! i’m going to take this opportunity to link to @hpkinkuary, which will be a list of 28 kink prompts i’ll be posting in mid-january and hosting throughout the month of february! there will be an ao3 collection and some very pretty graphics that i’ve yet to make, and there are no rules or participation requirements, so if you feel like you might want to give it a shot go ahead and give that account a follow!

i’m tagging @tackytigerfic, @dracoladon, @shealwaysreads, @maesterchill, @p1013, @quicksilvermaid, @pineau-noir, @peachpety, and anyone else who sees this and wants to do it; make sure you tag me in it so i can see your replies!!

#tag game #my fic #drarry #drarry discord #drarry squad

[johnbroutledge]

I started answering on the post but Tumblr ate it twice so here's hoping third time is the charm. Also, this turned into an essay, bc I really care for you and wanted to get it all in.

So, as to the drabble "flopping"; I feel you, it always hurts when that happens. But there's a few factors to consider, which is to say stuff outside of your control going on. The first being: Tumblr's not the best place for posting fic. It used to be pretty good, but those days are past; ironically the tagging system improving contributed to that. Before people had to reblog or like posts to find/be able to find later. Now they can actually search for it. The second is naturally that the nsfw ban scared a lot of writers off and people stopped feeling this place for fic so much (not to mention the rise of discourse also did that).

The next is simply, as ever, timing. I used to work in community management (long story) so I am a nerd that looks into the analytics and: https://miraculousfanworks.tumblr.com/post/627913410660663296/attract-those-readers-when-to-post-on-ao3#:~:text=How%20many%20stories%20were%20in,from%2012pm%20to%205pm%20PST. Despite it being an AO3 reason, I've found it holds true for Tumblr too, when I link my fic. Late in the day on humpday just means less traffic overall.

And finally, and this is the painful bit: it's a small fandom. Especially when you compare it to 911 which I think you likely are. I've been suffering from the same myself lately, I've posted what feels like some personal best fic............for teeny fandoms and niche pairings and ten people. Add to that that the show is both off season rn, and, the real kicker, is not a weekly airer. You've noticed how the weekly episode of 911 then has a corresponding uptick of making and consuming of fanworks. Simply put, there's new content so there's new material to work with and people are going "huh that was a cliffhanger, let's soothe it with fic". OBX is netflix and thus generally has a big burst of creation around it dropping then a longish tail and then little radio noise until then. The Witcher is a good comparison, but has two factors going for it: related media (books and video games) and big name stars. OBX is, basically, a lil kayak doing its best. But there's simply not as many people who consume fanwork for it.

Now love, and writing, is never wasted! Every word is a gift you give yourself and your skills. But I wanted to give you a sort of "cold logic" of why that reaction might be what it is, COMPLETELY separate from your actual work or the quality of it you may perceive.

Which was a very long winded way of saying: our reward based ape brains love the numbers. But the numbers come from lots of places. What matters, and what we can't quantify, is how much people loved it. The people creeping on your page and rereading it for the sixth time right now. The ones that messages it to friends. The ones that will think about it, out of the blue for ages. Maybe years. There's no counter for that. Keep creating <3

This might be the most helpful thing anyone could’ve said to me. It’s hard for me to not equate “success” or interaction to my self worth and my skill and I needed like logical factual reasons why it may not be doing well. I knew all along it’s a tiny fandom and I’ve seen with gifsets that interaction isn’t great rn even if you have 8634346323 followers, but idk, I just. I feel like a little kid bringing macaroni art to her mom and hoping she loves it. I was so proud of putting words on paper and like, was immediately like why is no one here to see it. And historically I’m awful to myself anyway, a thing thats exacerbated by like past trauma and shit so. And you’re right, I was kind of I guess thinking 911 numbers in my head and that’s not logical either.

I love this fandom and I haven’t been so inspired by a fandom in a long time so I’m gonna keep writing, if for no reason than I just want to. But I’d be lying if I told you the lack of interaction isn’t gonna be hard for me every single time too. Because that’s just how my shitty brain works I live with one finger on the self destruct button at all times.

Thank you so much for sending this, it really did help. Might fuck around and post the fic to ao3 or something 👀.

#nikki answers #meduseld #thank you thank you thank you #💗💗💗💗💗

[dancewithyoutoday]

Well, I guess it’s Ian loving hours again. I’ve been thinking a lot about him recently (what’s new, honestly?) and more specifically about how he truly is a precious kind soul. Over the past few days I’ve seen a lot of gifsets and read a lot of amazing discussions that praise the wonderful complexity of Ian’s character; his soft side and his sassy, sometimes bitchy side. I love every single trait of his personality to be honest, because I think that’s precisely what makes him such an interesting person, so endearing, so lovable, and at the same time so unpredictable and impenetrable.

Yet, the side of him that really makes me wanna curl up in a ball and cry is his sweet, good side. The part of him that is so forgiving, understanding, compassionate and so, so genuine. The part of him that I think encompasses all the reasons Mickey never stood a chance against him.

In fact, Ian’s relationship with Mickey and the way Ian reacts to all the drama between them is exactly what I wanted to focus on in these ramblings of mine. The thing is, I’m always so, so amazed by the pureness of Ian’s heart, I’m blown away by the way he’s always ready to forgive, charmed by the way he always tries to help and understand others. Because yes, Ian may have many flaws (which again, I love dearly), but he’s proved so many times to be such a good hearted person. We see this side of him every time, with his brothers and sisters, with the people he cares about, even with Monica. And since I’m about to “analyze” his relationship with Mickey, I think it’s important to clarify that of course I know with Mickey it’s a completely different thing: Ian has always been in love with him, they are a couple and Mick’s basically the most important person in his life, but I don’t think the person he chooses to be with Mickey only depends on the love he has for him.

In 2x08, when Mickey tells him he’s nothing but a warm mouth to him, we all know that at that time in their relationship Mickey was very determinate to keep his true feelings hidden (understandably so), and Ian had no idea whether he meant something to him or not. He might have had some clue at this point, but according to Mickey’s words, they were nothing more than fuck buddies, and this could have easily been the final nail in the coffin. Ian could have easily told him to fuck off forever and never try to reach him again. But Ian knew Mickey. More than Mickey even knew himself. Ian knew that Mickey was terrified, that he was overwhelmed by fear, and deep down he also knew that Mickey didn’t mean what he said. Because, what does Ian do next? He feels responsible for Mickey going back to juvie; he tells Ned he has a “boyfriend” as if nothing ever happened; Mickey gets out and they pick up right where they left off, as if those words had never been spoken. Ian automatically forgives Mickey, it’s as easy as breathing for him.

Then comes 3x09, an episode that still kills me to this day. Their scene in that episode is honestly one of most heartbreaking things I’ve ever seen, for both of them. Mickey is still experiencing trauma, he’s alone and scared; Ian is a boy that is so desperately in love he gets to the point where he begs, begs Mickey to say anything, do anything to admit they’re something, to admit that he loves him the way Ian loves Mickey, to admit they are not just fuck buddies, that he’s gay and Ian matters to him. But Mickey can’t. Mickey kicks him, beats him up, Mickey leaves. Now, how many times can you hear no? How many times can you feel rejected, left out, ignored? But no, sir, not for Ian Gallagher. Mickey is about to get married, he’s living his own nightmare, but here Ian comes, begging him again not to do this. “If you give half a shit about me, Mickey. Half...” And you know... I don’t think that’s just because he loves him. Because yes, Ian loves him, he loves him so much it’s devastating, but sometimes love isn’t enough. Not everyone would've given love another chance if said love had done everything he could to let you go. Mickey’s situation was tragic, but he hurt Ian all the same. He hurt him bad, and many people would’ve immediately advise Ian against going back to him.

And that’s pretty much the point of what I’m trying to say here: Ian loved Mickey, but I believe the most important thing he did was forgive him. And he forgave him because he understood. He understood Mickey’s fear, he shared his fear, he cared so much about him he was not going to let him marry someone he didn’t love. He was so full of hope when they were putting their clothes back on, only for Mickey to break his heart once again. And that was it. That was just too much for Ian, that was the end. We all know what happened next.

And you’d think Ian finally gave up, put that painful relationship behind him. But noooo, Mickey finds him and woah they’re back. Mickey’s still married, Ian is still a secret, Mickey has a son, but Ian still chooses to forgive him and understand him (until he can’t no more in 4x11). He still chooses to help him see that he doesn’t deserve this life, that he deserves to be free, and honestly it makes me wanna cry. 

And oh my god let’s not even mention season 5: Ian is so full of love, he’s such a good and loving person that he considers Yevgeny his own family, loves him as his own family. He cares about his well-being and he is always attentive to the baby’s needs. I mean, even though the poor baby has absolutely no fault (obviously), he’s basically a living reminder of Ian and Mickey’s trauma; he’s a living reminder of all the reasons Ian left town. Ian has no obligation towards him, and yet he cares so much about him, and he does that so... effortlessly. 

So, I would very much love to read your opinions about this, guys. Do you think the reason Ian is always so ready to forgive and understand Mickey is the unconditional love he has for him? Or is it also and more importantly the goodness of his heart?

P.s. special mention to Ian forgiving even a broken leg when the poor thing was just trying to talk with the love of his life lol.

#shameless meta #gallavich meta #ian x mickey #gallavich #ian gallagher #shameless

[normal-thoughts-official]

Thoughts on rizzy 👀

jdndkdndidndidn ok so if u wanted a rizzy-positive answer...... avert ur eyes

the one thing positive (?) i can say about rizzy is that it really brought us some of the softest raphael moments, but i also lowkey hate that cuz wow, we really got him to talk about his sister, his past, see some of his interests, his softness, his pains, his smiles because of rizzy... so it's all related to rizzy 💀 which is why you might see some gifsets from rizzy scenes in my blog, i think this might have been what brought this on. i enjoy those scenes as scenes that establish raphael's character, but not as rizzy

and shoutout to sh as usual for only bothering with giving a coc depth, backstory, desires and etc when they were someone's love interest and then dropping them like a hot potato. like bro imagine if they had at least bothered with keeping raphael's characterisation consistent? id be over the moon already. if they had actually made him a person like when rizzy was a thing for the whole show on top of that?? fuck i think id explode in happiness

other than that..... i hate everything about it. and like, it being based on addiction aside (which is already, like, bad, but i could maybe ship them in an alternate reality where the addiction wasn't a thing and they were fine if it was only that), the whole thing was literally Izzy Treats Raphael Like Shit And Then Raphael Is Villainized For It

im not even gonna get into the whole "raphael is blamed for the yin fen thing for some fucking reason when that was not his fucking fault and no one questions this" thing because ive done it before and i might explode with rage if i do, lol. that fucking plotline would have never been handled like that if raphael wasn't latino and therefore a predator drug dealer stereotype. but ANYWAY

those are the two things that i see anti rizzy shippers talking about the most, but those are actually not what bothers me the most. what really drives me up the wall and is just vomiting emoji is the way izzy treats raphael. that's the dealbreaker for me and something that never gets acknowledged

like, for starters, raphael was once again shown to be one of the most caring and selfless characters in this piece of shit stupid show, when he saved izzy's life when she was stupid enough to actually go to a vampire den. she had done nothing but be shitty to him and the vampires up to that point, mind you (which some ppl in this fandom treat as like #GirlPower or something) but he still saved her life for no reason other than that was the right thing to do

and then she immediately, the same second, tried to trigger him into drinking her blood. and he kept telling her no and pushing her away and she was literally GRABBING him and slitting her wrist and then he caved, at great personal cost, which she didn't care about

fine

then we get her going after him again, and raphael, again, being the caring and selfless bastard that he is, does something so monumentally kind and dangerous that it still blows me away: he tells her about his addiction

and i know that ppl in this fandom love to act as if every single thing raphael did for the sake of other characters, particularly the shadowhunters and simon, is just, like, expected and no big deal. but raphael didn't owe izzy that. he didn't have to tell izzy that. hell, he didn't even have to save izzy's life when she went to the den, for all he knew it was all a trick or something. and telling her, someone he doesn't even know, a shadowhunter, not only one of his greatest secrets, not only one of his greatest vulnerabilities, but the single hardest and most painful moment of his life, a whole can of worms about his past that he just bared to her just like that, was just. so much. it was such a huge thing that he did for her, okay. and let's not forget that raphael is a private person, both for survival and because he just is

he basically opened up his biggest wound and showed it to her only because it could bring her some sort of comfort. it wouldn't even help her greatly. it wouldn't even change anything about her situation. it would bring just maybe a little bit of comfort and advice, at great personal cost, way greater than the good it would bring her. and he still did it, because raphael cares, especially when he sees someone going through something he went through as well. just so he could tell her that it gets better, that she's not alone. that he understands

and she fucking!! immediately!!!! uses that against him!!!!!! and continues to try to trigger his addiction again and again and again and again!!!! may i just say, WHAT THE FUCK

EVERY SINGLE TIME she tries to get him to drink her blood, it's not consensual, it's forced. he always hesitates, always tries to push her away, always turns his head. and she just pushes him anyway. even after she knows that he's been through this before. that it almost destroyed him. she knows exactly what she's triggering and bringing on, and she! does! it! anyway!!

watching some of the rizzy scenes, particularly the one where they are cooking together, makes me want to cry for him, because it's so obvious that what he's looking for is a deeper connection, someone to trust, to love, and what she's looking for is someone to satisfy her need. and look, i know addiction is terrible. but he's ALSO addicted. and again, i've met plenty of ppl who struggled with addiction, and they were able of, you know, not treating others like this

it drives me crazy! raphael lets her into his home, teaches her how to cook, opens up about the SINGLE SECRET ABOUT HIM THAT NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT EXCEPT FOR MAGNUS, and generally tries to have a good time with her, and not only does she immediately make his attempt at having a meaningful bonding time about him drinking her blood, but does it RIGHT AFTER HE TELLS HER ABOUT HIS SISTER??? it literally goes "here is my deepest most important secret that pains me greatly and is destroying me inside. oh, i said too much. i should have kept my mouth shut" "i'd rather you didn't *slits own wrist and makes him drink her blood*". like, girl, at least a word of comfort first??? a "you can tell me whatever you like"? an "i'm fucking sorry for your loss" maybe???????????? SHE TREATED HIM LIKE AN OBJECT

and also SHOUT THE FUCK OUT to "i didn't take you for a community service kind of guy", which granted is a minor thing to be upset about in the middle of this shitstorm, but still makes me want to rip my hair off. girl!! he's been doing nothing ever since you first met but helping you selflessly and getting only PAIN in return. like is she for real??? he went out of his way SO many times to help her, when he had NO reason to, not a single one. and she's still like "oh wow raphael cares about others?? im shocked" UDBDIDNDKSMSOSNSOSNSISBSUSBDUDBDIDNDIDNDI ARE YOU SERIOUSSSS

it's really such a revealing moment to me because it really shows that she didn't give any thought about everything he'd done for her. all the endless kindness and care, in the literal sense of TAKING CARE OF, that he offered her without a second thought. she never stopped to think about what it cost him. the fact that he didn't OWE IT TO HER, and thus it says something about his CHARACTER, because he CHOSE to help her. over and over and over again!!! AFTER SHE BETRAYED HIM MORE THAN ONCE. it never even crossed her mind! she just took it for granted, like it's what he was supposed to do, or something

and then!!!!!!! even after they go their separate ways!! and raphael is STILL caring for her and making sure she's okay! she decides to betray him one last time and have simon threaten his sister!!! and ill be honest i dont remember the reason for this, but i do remember that it wasn't fucking life and death, so like!!! it was just unnecessarily cruel and shitty of her and the biggest FUCK YOU to him and his trust. AND IT WASN'T NECESSARY AT ALL. like. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

and at this point izzy was recovering so it's just like. i get that before that we were literally seeing izzy at her ugliest, she even fought alec and said some shit that she definitely didn't mean at all and that was shitty and hurtful. so like obviously we were seeing izzy in her darkest, worst, most selfish, most hurt. which is why i can maybe cut her some slack for some shit (also i just realized i literally forgot that she straight up THREATENED HIM WITH A KNIFE god there is really So Much To Unpack Here), but at that point? at that point she had no excuse. she was recovering. this didn't even have anything to do with her addiction anyway. she was just proving that raphael's trust, his care, his fucking feelings, they meant nothing to her

like seriously! she could at least have the decency to go, after raphael was very obviously kind and considerate to me, maybe i should not conspire against him and bring forward his most important secret? i don't think i'm asking her for much here

and it also ends a circle of raphael opening up to her and trusting her and she betraying that trust EVERY SINGLE TIME! the literal single only thing he told her that she didn't use against him was his asexuality. which look, thank god, cuz that would have been way too ugly and uncalled for, but the bar is low here

(ok, maybe rizzy gets a shoutout for having raphael's asexuality be treated so naturally. especially coming from such an overtly sexual character like izzy. it was nice to have that. i also think that her whole line about how for the first time sex wasn't a big part of a relationship for her could have been explored in so many interesting ways. like it is obvious that izzy uses her sexuality as a way to gain confidence and prove her value and it would be cool to see that being addressed beyond throwaway lines, maybe talk a bit about hypersexualization of woc. but this is shadowhunters we're talking about so of course nah)

so like okay izzy gets a Not An Aphobe But Still Shitty badge for basically using raphael like he existed to provide her. and in short this is why i can't get into rizzy, not even in a very very alternate reality where it all went different and the way they met had nothing to do with addiction. because she really didn't care enough about him and he deserves so much better than this

and again, i know that izzy was at her damn lowest in that point, but i think that even if she weren't, ultimately their incompatibility still lies there - raphael is too selfless and izzy is not attuned to that. she would take what he offered and not really spare it a thought, even if she didn't mean to like, Use Him (cuz i dont think izzy meant to use him even in canon), like it was just expected. and he wouldn't point that out. and it would be. ugh

and yeah i think that summarizes my thoughts dudndjdn im sorry for the angry very long rant, i just started talking and it all was pouring out suddenly. i promise im not mad, i just...... have strong feelings about this whole thing

#anti rizzy #anti izzy lightwood #anti sh #anti sh fandom #salt #discourse #ask #anonymous #long post