#...as the only goal to achieve when i think more active measures should be taken to address and fix the inherent problems of racism

[uncanny-tranny]

Medical racism isn't important to address just because it's mean to be racist to patients (I mean, it is mean), but because medical racism kills people. It contributes to systemic suffering of those deemed non-white, and the disinformation that spreads about non-white people.

#politics #racism #racism tw #medical racism tw #i've noticed my modern medical textbooks are trying to be more explicitly includive (objectively good)... #...but i don't think it should stop there. in fact i worry sometimes that people will see broad inclusion... #...as the only goal to achieve when i think more active measures should be taken to address and fix the inherent problems of racism #medical racism isn't the only kind of racism obviously but man... hearing the stories about those who faced it terrify me #it's a nightmare to think about and i can't express just HOW important it is to vehemently oppose letting it fester #something i've noticed because again my textbooks make more of an effort... #...but then i got to a lab and only one of those expensive human models weren't white and like. it's a little thing but it makes me think

[junko-and-riri-domain]

push and pulls | ot7

↬ ᴘᴀɪʀɪɴɢ: ot7 x reader ↬ ɢᴇɴʀᴇ: fluff | requested | headcannon (paragraph form) ↬ ᴡᴀʀɴɪɴɢs: none ↬ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛᴇᴅ ʙʏ: anon ↬ ʀᴇQᴜᴇꜱᴛ ᴡᴀs: “cat and dog relationship with classmate!enhypen ? hehe headcannon or any format that you're comfy with :3  they could be highschool sweethearts in the end too 😭” ↬ ᴀ/ɴ:

i tried i'm sorry if this sucks 🤧

jake and jay’s are are like semi-suggestive (i think?) imma just say that they are semi-suggestive to be safe

i aint gonna lie i’m a sucker for Jay cooking 😪

jake & hoon’s are kinda short bc it’s like 1 am rn 

Heeseung

Heeseung has always been good at everything no matter what it is. It isn’t to discredit any of his effort whatsoever, but as the school year continues everyone knows that things are just natural for Heeseung. Ever since your freshman year of high school, you’ve seen him as your main competition for 1st place in school. The problem? This man isn’t even aware of it. To you, he just breathes and wins the competitions, gets all the attention, and is at the top of everything. To him, it’s the only way you’ll even notice him. The competitions? It gives him a chance to stay after school to be with you. The attention? He’s only focused on yours. Him at the top of everything? Well, that one’s just because he’s Lee Heeseung. It’s after school one day and the both of you have stayed to help clean up the classes for extra credit. Like a thief with a bagful of stolen glances, his eyes drift to you whenever you don’t notice. Except for this one time.

“Stop looking at me!” you say, your eyes glaring at him. He’s taken aback as he never meant to offend you.

“Sorry,” he said, thinking that you’d just leave it at that. But instead,

“I know you’re fricking judging me Lee Heeseung.”

“What?”

“I can feel it in your eyes. I’ll always be second to you and I get it, you don’t need to rub it in, so just stop!” You throw the rag at the window, walking out of the classroom and he’s left alone wondering what the hell just happened. And suddenly the gap between first place and second begins to grow. To him, staying after school to study for competitions are no longer fun when you won’t even tell him to be quiet when he starts to sing. Your attention is gone just like his sanity. Being at the top never felt so lonely when you weren’t next to him. To you, staying after school becomes something you dread because of the silence in the room that you caused. Your attention seems as if it’s on everything but him but every day you have a hundred thoughts and all of them are infected with him. The two of you enter yet another school competition, making it to the top 3. Yet, unlike previous times, neither of you is in first place.

“In first place, we have Sim Jaeyun!” the announcer says. You and Heeseung look at each other in shock that the other wasn’t on the podium. Yet, you couldn’t care less. Because not getting first place causes you to go off on a rant that Heeseung joins in on. Staying after school turns into study partners at the nearby cafe which becomes study dates. Both of your attention is openly on the other. And while you’re both at the top academically, you become the couple goals everyone wishes they could achieve.

“ace of my heart 💞” you caption an Instagram post of a picture of Heeseung.

rest of the boys under the cut!

Jay

Culinary class is peaceful for Jay. He has control of everything, knows where the ingredients and cooking tools are, can do something he loves, and did we mention control of everything? As a chef, he learned what you were like the first few weeks of class. You were messy with apple peels next to the lime squeezer, engaging in a way of cooking that you defined as “organized chaos.” You didn’t use measurements, cooked things by eye, and used whatever seasonings felt right. It wasn’t that you were bad at cooking, he actually enjoyed your dishes. But your process was just something he couldn’t stand. And maybe he doesn’t really like you since you accidentally used the last of his honey when making cupcakes but that’s a story for another day. The culinary teacher decided to try something new to promote teamwork and for a week, the class would be in partners and cooking a dish new to both people. And who did Jay just have to end up with? You. As the two of you read the recipe for your first dish which was a dessert of sorts,

“What do you wanna use first, jackfruit or durian?” he asked. You looked up at him, a teasing smile on your lips,

“Durian, because it looks like you,” you said before making your way to the table where all the ingredients were.

“Inner peace,” he muttered to himself as he watched you walk off. The next day, you were making peach tarts.

“Yah, Jay, look here,” you said as you held up your phone and the peach. In the photo you took, the peach was next to Jay’s face, sort of comparing the two.

“Why’d you take a picture of me?” he asked. He didn’t really mind photos, knowing full well how good he looked but you taking one of him came completely out of the blue. As you glanced up from your phone after hitting post, you were unable to stop your laugh,

“Your hair looks like a peach,” you said with a wink as you went back to cutting the ingredients.

“Do I just, do I just look like food now?” he muttered to himself with a huff.

“I mean… I wouldn’t mind eating you,” you teased. You were smooth, he’d give you that. But, damn, he wanted to make you feel the way you were making him feel right now.

It didn’t take long for you to learn that Jay’s way of teasing made you flustered as hell. If you’d ask him to hand you something, he’d hold it above your head forcing you to have to jump up. It just so happened that he did this once right in front of someone else’s station and as you jumped, you almost knocked into them which led to his arm around you,

“Watch where you’re going,” he warned with a teasing edge as he handed you the carrots.

When you handed him something, he’d take it in a way that his hand held yours for a second but that second was enough. As the two of you cooked together, you entered your own world with no one else but the other in it. He was patient with your organized chaos, his own habits finding a place alongside your cooking routine. For the last day of working as partners, you two were to bake cookies. You put in a pinch of salt then some sugar when suddenly,

“YAH!” you hear from next to you. Met with Jay’s wide eyes as he looked in the bowl where you put the salt and sugar,

“What’s wrong?��� you asked.

“I told you to taste the salt and sugar before you used it.”

“The first one tasted like salt so I put more of the second one.” He took a pinch of the sugar already in the mixing bowl then tasted it, a disgusted look appearing on his face”

“You put salt then more salt, good job y/n.”

“Huh?” He took another pinch then brought it up to your lips and as you tasted it,

“Why the hell is there two kinds of salt here!”

“One’s fine, the other’s coarse. I wanted to eat these y’know.”

“Fine, head over to my place after school and we can make cookies together.”

“That’s not funny. You can’t mess with cookies,” he muttered.

“Who said I was joking? We can even drizzle honey over it.”

Jake

Perfection doesn’t even begin to describe Sim Jaeyun. A gentleman, kind, smart, has an accent that you can’t help but sometimes tease him about, and obsessed with Layla were all things you couldn’t fault him for. But sometimes, just sometimes, he could be a little too nice. You couldn’t help but feel jealous at the sight of the girl chatting with Jake by the benches and her feeling his arm up.

“Geez, tell her to go away!” you wanted to say to him as you started walking towards them.

“Hey,” Jake said with a smile as his eyes landed on you. The same smile he smiled at her with.

“Are you ready to go?” you asked, trying not to sound pissed but couldn’t help yourself.

“Yeah hold up.” Jake looked at the girl, “Just text if you need help with anything else on the homework,” he said before walking off with you.

“Who was that?” you asked as the two of you made your way to the cafeteria.

“New girl, needs help with physics so she asked me for help.” Jake was supposed to help you with physics.

“You gonna help her on Tuesdays?” you asked, referring to the day Jake always helped you. If he did notice your jealousy, he didn’t say anything about it. Oh, but he did notice. And he kind of wanted to edge it on to see how far things would go.

“Should I? She can hangout with me and Layla.”

“See if she likes me better than Layla.”

“Might take you up on the offer, watch your words, y/n,” he said with a chuckle.

“Yeah? You introduce her to Layla and I’ll divorce you then take full custody.”

“I didn’t know we were married, don’t we gotta go out on a date first?”

“I don’t know, do we?”

“Let’s do it right now then.”

“Fine! Wait what-?”

Sunghoon

On the ice, you and Sunghoon went together like sugar and tea. Off the ice, you two were like the coarse salt that ruined the cookies in Jay’s fic. You and Sunghoon skated well together, putting on a performance that typically got you first place, but that’s exactly what it was. A performance. An act. Nothing more, nothing less. Neither of you talked when you saw each other after practice the next day at school. Neither of you actively told anyone that you knew each other more than most couples did. But there was just something about talking to Sunghoon outside of ice skating, acknowledging that there you had an ice skating persona as well as the persona you showed to everyone else, that frightened you. So both of you made an unspoken agreement that you’d keep your ice skater lives in the rink and outside of it. Except for right now where the transfer student who coincidentally just so happened to be an ice skater and was wondering if you’d be his partner for the upcoming showcase.

“Y/n already has a partner,” Sunghoon said, cutting in as he stood next to you. The transfer student’s eyes settled on Sunghoon,

“You’re Park Sunghoon, the guy who-”

“Almost made it into the Olympics? Yeah. And y/n and I are gonna do it together this year.” You weren’t quite sure how to feel about Sunghoon suddenly “claiming” you (not in a toxic way whatsoever, we don’t condone that here). But you did know that this meant Sunghoon knew of your existence outside of the rink.

“Says who?” you said, trying to see how this would go. He looked at you, fear flashing in his eyes at the thought of the two of you not doing this together.

“I thought, I thought we were? Are we not? We have our outfits planned and everything.”

“I mean… plans change, Hoon.” That nickname, the one only you were allowed to use for him.

“Do you not wanna do it together?”

“I’m just gonna… go,” the transfer student said.

“I do wanna do it together.”

“So then what’s the problem?”

“We kinda don’t have a relationship outside of the rink, Hoon.”

“We can make one, then. Right now.”

“Right now?”

“Right now.”

Sunoo

You’ve always held a level of jealousy towards Sunoo. Sunoo has always been the guy who’s everyone’s friend even if he’s popular, the type of guy who waves at everyone, greets them with a smile on their face, and gets people to attend class/school events. Whereas you’re more on the introverted side, not really liking people. When it’s lunchtime, you tend to eat alone not really giving a damn about everyone else. You’re not exactly an outcast, just more comfortable  by yourself. You’ve always been jealous of how Sunoo’s open to people, talkative, and just overall likable. Because unlike him, people think you’re being mean when you’re quiet and it looks like you’re not listening to whatever it is they’re saying. Around school, Sunoo has earned the nickname Sunny while you’ve been given the nickname Winter. Everyone sees how you walk away whenever Sunoo waves at you in the halls. Everyone is aware of how you scoff whenever Sunoo does aegyo in front of you. Everyone notices how you get mad whenever he links his arm with yours. But it’s Sunoo who sees the glint in your eyes the second they meet his by your locker. It’s Sunoo who notices the slight smile that plays at the corner of your lips whenever he calls himself “ddeonu.” And it’s Sunoo who’s aware that no matter how much you protest when your arms link, you’re never the one to let go first. So he sits at the desk in front of yours during lunch, chatting his butt off about his day while stealing bites of your lunch. He gives you face masks with the excuse of “it was a buy one get one free deal and I don’t know who else to give it to.” He asks if he can style your hair playing it off as “practice.” Little by little, you begin to open up. When you see him in the halls, you start to give him a smile reserved only for him. When he does aegyo you tease him by saying that Jake does it better. And when he links his arms with yours, your pinkies intertwine. You bring an extra bag of chips for lunch and start making your portions larger to share with him. You invite him to the mall since you saw an online promo while walking by. You start to enjoy the way he plays with your hair, sometimes even craving his touch. Because we all know, the sun has its way of melting ice. 

Jungwon

Yang Jungwon, the class president, has a 100% success rate in getting field trip forms submitted on time. Well, it would be 100% if it weren’t for you. It seems as if you’ve made it your life’s mission to do everything and anything that’ll piss off Jungwon. Every time there’s a permission slip that needs to get signed, he constantly finds himself having to remind you of it so that it’d get turned in on time. Yet despite this, you always turn it in a day later. When things are kind of slow in class, you’re always talking to someone and have earned the title of the chatty kid no matter where the teacher makes you sit. Jungwon has no clue how someone as big of a procrastinator as you, always chatting with people when you don’t need to, and has your music playing so loud that everyone else hears, gets the good grades that you do. But regardless of what you do, you don’t bring down the class average so he’ll give you that. It’s time for a new seating arrangement and where does the teacher have you sit? Right next to him. So he’s dreading it, knowing that for the next 2 weeks he won’t get any work done, have to deal with you chatting to everyone, and has to be the one to catch you up when you enter class late.

“Hey,” you say with a smile as you settle in the seat next to his. He likes your smile, he won’t lie. But you’re annoying as hell. One week goes by as a back and forth of you constantly making efforts to get on Jungwon’s nerves but he returns the favor while teasing you back. With the two of you as partners, he starts to notice some things about you. Things like how you play with your thumb before raising your hand to answer the question. He sees that your notes are full of rushed scribbles and you dot your i’s close to the center but not just there. Your binder is covered with artwork of things you like and photos of you and your friends. Amidst your chattiness and tardiness, he finds himself looking forwards to certain things. He looks forward to your messy hair as you rush in 15 minutes late and start scribbling your notes in an effort to catch up. He looks forwards to how your conversations become a distraction from lectures. And he wonders to himself, what it’d be like if he were a photo in your binder.

As the second week continues, you start to see things differently with Jungwon. His reminders become less annoying and more useful as you take it in mind. When you’re late, he already has a second copy of the notes waiting for you on your desk. He buys you stickers for your binder using the excuse of “I stole it from my sister.” Before either of you realize it, it’s time for a new seating chart.

“Guess you’re happy to get rid of me, Wonie,” you joke as the two of you stood up to head to your new seats.

“I want you to sit across from me,” you hear him say.

“Huh?”

“At the Eggy Cafe on our first date,” he says before heading to his new seat.

Ni-ki

Dance class, it’s exhausting. Countless hours spent practicing a choreography that only lasts for a few minutes. Constantly getting yelled at by your teacher when you take a wrong step. Continuously in an unspoken competition with the best dancer of the school, Nishimura Riki. Ni-ki fools around during practices, usually to get on your nerves. Whenever you buy bungeoppang at the stall in front of the school, half of it instantly belongs to Ni-ki as he takes a bite when you’re not looking. Whenever the two of you are the only ones who’ve got the choreography down, sometimes you’ll slow things down to piss him off. There’s a flow to Ni-kis dances that no one else can replicate, a flow he was born with and can never be taught. Everyone, including him, is aware of this. But you’ve always been different from everyone else. All his life, he’s been told how good at dancing he is but you criticize him. While the others applaud his performance, your eyes are watching his every move. He almost hates how well you can spot the mistakes he can’t even see on himself. But as time goes on, these little competitions start to develop between you two, even outside of dance. When dance class ends, the two of you race to see who’ll get to the bungeoppang stall first. Last one there pays for bungeoppang. This is the competition you let Ni-ki win, using “I’m already tired from dancing” as an excuse. In the mornings, you compete to get to first period. Loser pays for lunch. This is the competition where there’s a middle ground between you two. Sometimes you win, sometimes he wins, other times you enter class together. When walking home, you compete to get to the bottom of the stairs at the subway station first. Whoever loses has to carry the other’s bag until you get home. Ni-ki lets you win this one, using “If I ran any faster I’d trip,” as an excuse. These small competitions become the things you look forward to throughout the week, enjoying the thrill of small moments with Ni-ki. At one point, the two of you (on separate occasions) talked to Jungwon about the competitions, telling your side. To the both of you, he says the same thing. “Why don’t you see who asks the other out first and plans the better date?”

❦ written by riri (@enhykkul)  | blog masterlist

requests are currently open! rules can be found here | anon emojis

#enhypen imagines #enhypen fluff #enhypen headcanons #enhypen x reader #lee heeseung imagines #park jongseong imagines #park jay imagines #sim jaeyun imagines #sim jake imagines #park sunghoon imagines #kim sunoo imagines #yang jungwon imagines #nishimura riki imagines #ni-ki imagines #lee heeseung x reader #park jongseong x reader #park jay x reader #sim jaeyun x reader #sim jake x reader #park sunghoon x reader #kim sunoo x reader #yang jungwon x reader #nishimura riki x reader #ni-ki x reader #enhypen drabbles

[walviemort]

Fairy Godfather, part 3

Summary: The fairies have asked a monumental favor of Killian: be the surrogate for their babies—all nine of them. He’s been pregnant before, but this? This is a whole other level. What has he gotten himself into? And just how big will he get?

A/N: Another update! Thank you to @sancocnutclub​ for her continued encouragement...which will be very apparent in part 4 ;)

rated T / 2.4k words / part 1 / part 2 / AO3

Though he had just passed the first trimester mark in this oversized pregnancy, Killian was pleased to find he was not lacking in the energy department. Granted, his first pregnancy had been similar—he’d had the most energy during the second trimester, despite the increasing size of his belly.

But his belly was a fraction of the size back then. Now, at 13 weeks, it was much closer to the size he’d been at 35 weeks with Hope. But he had yet to slow down—as evidenced by his and Emma’s morning activities; he was even on top.

There was no denying his present form was bulky, but he’d been too fatigued at this size with Hope to do much but sleep and eat. That was not a problem now, and both he and Emma were reaping the benefits. Reaching orgasm while she was caressing his bump? It was impossible to describe how amazing that felt.

However, he’d hardly finished when Hope began to cry out from her nursery. As much as he was still feeling good, moving did take a bit more effort than it had. This bump also weighed as much as his last one, and was only going to get heavier; at least it hadn’t dropped yet. But it meant that Emma was still quicker to her feet than he was, and sprang up to retrieve their 13 month old before she tried to climb out of her crib on her own.

Hope finally figured out walking a month or so ago—just in time for her first birthday—and he was well aware of the comical sight he’d made at her party, chasing after her with his protruding stomach. But at least he still could, even if he got winded more quickly than he’d like. 

Tink had been snickering at him during one such moment. “Hey,” he chastised and patted the bump. “Your kid is in here, so I’d watch the mocking when it comes to running after mine.”

“That’s fair,” she’d conceded. “Just let me know when you need help, though—I’ll gladly go after the little hellion.”

“I’ll hold you to it.”

They hadn’t needed her help yet, but it was only a matter of time—especially by the sound of tiny but insistent footsteps that were getting faster every day as they ran down the hallway. 

“Dada!” her little voice called out as she charged into the room and threw herself against his legs as he sat on the edge of the bed.

“How’s my little cygnet today?” he enthusiastically replied as he bent down to pick her up. He had to open his legs to make room for the bump, but it was still an achievable feat, and Hope giggled as she flew into the air and the curled in as he carefully tucked her into his side. 

After a brief cuddle, she squirmed for him to set her down on the mattress, and gave his bump a gentle pat. “Hi babies,” she said (or tried to; some of those sounds were still being worked on). She’d noticed the bump a few weeks ago, once it had really started popping out. They couldn’t tell if she actually understood what was going on—and were glad she was young enough to not have to explain it—but she was at least careful and affectionate. 

He just hoped that continued as she grew steadier on her feet—and he grew larger and less so. 

Hope tucked herself back into Killian’s side and Emma sat down on the other. “This is a pretty perfect morning,” she sighed as she laid her head in his bare shoulder. “Do I really have to go into work?”

“I’m of the same opinion—but wasn’t Tiger Lily coming for training today?” She was the fairy who’d offered to take over his deputy duties once he no longer could—and he had a hunch she'd be an acceptable long-term hire. 

“Yeah,” she complained. “Just wish it could wait another day.”

“Or,” he suggested, “we get through today and then we can spend tomorrow in a similar manner.”

“I like the way you think,” she replied, then pulled him in for a kiss. 

He set Hope down on the bed, where she proceeded to tackle the pillows, and went about the process of getting dressed. His sleep pants still fit, although they were reaching the point where they were almost too snug on his hips, which had definitely widened more than last time. 

Thankfully, his maternity jeans were as stretchy as ever, and he hadn’t yet exceeded their capacity; the elastic panel hugged his belly comfortably as he slipped them on. 

Emma had bought him a collection of soft, short-sleeved t-shirts a size larger than he typically wore, and one of those slipped on easily, but the bump still stood prominently under navy cotton. Hopefully, they made these in several larger sizes. 

They stopped at Granny’s before heading to their respective workplaces for the day, and Killian consumed a larger stack of pancakes than he’d like to admit; good thing Belle took his measurements yesterday. At least there was also a generous side of fresh fruit. 

When he and Hope arrived at the library, he was only semi-surprised to see Blue there; she seemed to be showing up once a month or so to check in, but today had another goal. 

“Would you be okay with getting an ultrasound?” she asked. 

That was shocking. “Sure,” he said, “but will it be okay for them?” he countered, rubbing his belly. Inside, they seemed to be fluttering nervously. 

“If it’s fine for a human baby, it should be for them. It’s just—I see all these thorough notes and comparisons, and I’m curious what that would reveal.”

“Whale says he has an opening,” Belle added, phone in hand. “Shall we?”

They did, and headed out en masse to make the short walk to the hospital. At least, it should have been short, but Hope insisted on walking on her own and Killian’s pace wasn’t as fast as it normally was. 

Whale met them in the waiting room when they arrived, though, an eager look on his face. “Wondered if I'd see you this time around,” he greeted. “I’ve gotta say—I’m pretty curious about this.”

“Aren’t we all,” Killian answered dryly, bracing his hook against his lower back. 

“Come on; let’s take a peek in there,” Whale beckoned, and led them to an exam room. 

Killian passed Hope off to Blue and began the process of climbing up on the exam table; again—he was doing fine on the energy front, but a large bump was a large bump, and it not only was an obstacle to his mobility, but he was carrying around some weight he hadn’t been 13 weeks ago (and in more places than just the bump).

But he managed to get up there and lifted up his shirt without prompting; he knew the drill. During his seemingly arduous climb, Whale had been looking over Belle’s notes from both pregnancies. “Damn,” he commented. “I think your notes are more detailed than my charts.”

“That’s not reassuring,” Killian called out; Whale just chuckled and moved to ready the ultrasound machine while Belle rolled her eyes and readied her pen. 

Killian had forgotten how cold the gel was, but he got over it quickly as Whale began to move the probe over his (thankfully stretch mark-free) stomach. 

“Well I’ve never seen that before,” Whale said after a bit, and everyone focused on the screen. 

“I thought those were only in black and white?” Belle asked. 

“They are,” Whale confirmed. 

And yet, as the tiny images of multiple babies appeared on the screen, each one was showing up in a different color—the color of the orbs they started as. Tink’s green stood out front and center, but as Whale moved the probe over the dome that was Killian’s abdomen, all the other colors showed up, except—

“Where’s mine?” Blue asked, understandably worried. 

“Hmm,” Whale hummed, investigating. “One, two,” he started counting, finding 8 that were easily visible. “But it looks like…” He pressed harder on Killian’s belly, to the point of discomfort, but he didn’t complain—not when Blue looked so worried. 

“Yeah, there’s definitely one hiding in there,” Whale said. “I just can’t zero in. There’s some color bleeding through, though…”

And in between a pink-hued and navy-hued fetus, a bit of bright blue was visible. Blue sighed in relief. “Yeah, she’s just being stubborn,” Whale assured her. “You can probably blame it on Hook.”

“Hey!” he protested, but Belle’s snicker suggested she agreed.

“Anyways—from a development standpoint, yeah, I’d put you right at 13 weeks, although probably half the size. Were it a normal pregnancy, I’d guess you’d only go to 30 weeks or so, for safety—but I’m guessing that won’t be the case here?”

“No,” Blue said. “He’ll go all the way to full term.”

Whale whistled. “Thank goodness they’re small then.”

Several copies of the sonogram were printed off—as mysteriously colorful as they were on screen—with Killian taking one, another going in Belle’s notebook, and the rest going with Blue. There was some discussion of doing another ultrasound at the second trimester, but it was ultimately deemed unnecessary.

Whale bid them adieu but they lingered in the room, if only because it took Killian a bit to clean off the gel (he hated the way it got caught in the bit of hair on his stomach). Belle was wrangling the kids, but Blue was staring at the pictures, almost in awe. 

“You were worried, weren’t you?” Killian asked softly. “That she wasn’t there.”

“Yes,” Blue admitted. “It’s rare, but sometimes, they don’t all take. And I’ve just—I’ve waited so long for this.”

“I understand.” It had taken him and Emma quite some time to conceive Hope, and obviously they required assistance. 

“I guess I’ll just have to be patient,” she sighed. 

“Aye,” he agreed. “But—” He placed his hand on the top of his bump and furrowed his brow in concentration. “I’m almost positive she’s kicking my bladder at the moment.”

It drew the polite chuckle he was going for, but also meant he needed to excuse himself. Blue also took that moment to take her leave, but not without an emphatic thank-you.

He had to admit, as he shuffled off to the bathroom—he’d definitely been resentful of this arrangement to an extent. But seeing Blue’s genuine emotions there at the prospect of parenthood made that feeling dissipate. 

He was sure he’d have a mountain of complaints by the end of this, but being able to grant so many others the joys he’d found as a parent—that would be worth it. 

------------------------------------------------------

At 16 weeks, he hit the same measurements he had when he was at full term with Hope (literally those of the day before he’d gone into labor). But the bump still sat high on his frame. “I wonder if whatever magic is preventing stretch marks is also holding it aloft,” he quipped as he traced the curve of his belly. 

“It’s entirely possible,” Belle concurred. “Look at the difference.” In addition to measured data, she also had photographic documentation of his various milestones in both pregnancies; comparing the picture she’d just taken on her phone to the one from right before Hope entered the world, it was plain to see the similarities in how much they extended in front of him, but the difference in where it sat on his body. 

“We’ll see how long it lasts, though.”

In answer to his theory, he got another few weeks before things began to sit lower, though his stomach continued it’s outward expansion—a couple centimeters every week. But by his 17th week, he finally started feeling the pull of gravity and had to dig out the belly band he’d relied on the last month or so with Hope. 

But he soon noticed another issue. While he remembered what it was like to not be able to see his feet, and had gotten used to the obstacle about his midsection, he wasn’t prepared for it to stick out even more. 

Case in point: one morning during his 18th week, when he was attempting to surprise Emma with breakfast (usually she rose first, but a flurry of activity in his belly had woken him early). However, he was a bit farther from the stove than he was used to, as well as the cabinets, and he kept knocking into the chairs around the table; Hope was watching him from her own high chair in amusement, far more interested in his slapstick endeavor than her cereal. 

“What’s going on?” Emma’s sleepy voice asked after he cursed at nearly burning his belly on the oven. 

“Nothing,” he huffed, rubbing the spot on his bump that was just a bit too warm. “Just a failed attempt at treating my amazing wife.”

She glanced around, then smiled. “You were trying to make me breakfast but then your belly got in the way?”

“Aye,” he sighed. 

She walked over to him and pulled him into a hug—from the side, since she already couldn’t get close enough from the front—and turned his face towards her to kiss him. “You’re too sweet,” she said, tucking herself into his side. “And you treated me plenty last night,” she added in a low voice; he swallowed at the memory of their shared moment—probably one of the last times he’d be able to make love on top for a while, unless they got creative with the logistics, but dammit, he did it, and it was amazing. 

“I can finish this up; take a seat, okay?”

“I should be able to do this, though,” he complained. 

“And you will—in 5 months or so. But I told you I’d support you with this, so let me.”

He sighed again, but complied, and ignored the creak of his chair as he sat down (angled away from the table—he was also up a size in shirts, but his jeans were holding on…for now). “How did the gods see fit to bless this poor bastard with such an amazing woman?” he asked, watching the blush rise on her cheeks. 

“The same way they did for this lost girl,” she countered, then put a (heaping) plate in front of him. 

“I love you so much, Swan—thank you.”

She placed another kiss on his lips. “I love you too—always.”

Even if this wasn’t an ideal situation, he knew that he was blessed to have Emma at his side; he wouldn’t be able to get through this without her. 

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thanks for reading! tagging @wyntereyez​ @jennjenn615​ @superadam54​ @ashley-knightingale​ @justsomewhump​ @teamhook​ @88infinity88​​ (let me know if you want a tag!)

#cs ff #killian mpreg #FAIRY GODFATHER #My ff

[depressedhatakekakashi]

Ao3

In My Way

Au: Spy Au

Words: 1931

Rating: Teen

Characters: Hatake Kakashi and Sasori

Warnings: murder, Blood, excessive amounts of Sass. Graphic depictions of violence.

Summary: Kakashi has a job to do, but there’s a familiar face in the crowd that tells him it won’t be as easy as he originally thought.

Get into the party, take out the target, get out without being caught.

The mission was simple. Something that he could do with his eyes closed, except for one small detail.

Sasori.

The deadliest Toxicologist known among every intelligence agency around the world. His work with poisons was revered by every toxicologist, including Anko. Even if she refused to admit it.

His presence at the party, while a welcome sight to Kakashi’s eyes thanks to that beautiful black and the red suit he had chosen to wear, was a hindrance to his mission. Not because Sasori was doing anything to stop him from completing the job.

It was quite the opposite judging by the fact that he had just seen Sasori drop something into his target's glass mere seconds ago.

Their goals were the same, and he’d rather die than allow Sasori to get the pleasure of saying he killed the target.

Making his way through the small crowd, he set his eyes on the phone in his hand. A convenient distraction to use, typing away furiously to an imaginary friend as he collided head-on with the target.

Red wine spilled all down his front, staining the white shirt he had chosen to wear to the party and earning him the ire of his target.

“Would you watch where you’re-” Taking one look at Kakashi, the man cut himself off and immediately changed his demeanour. “Oh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t realize that you were there.”

If Kakashi was a weak-willed man he would find himself easily fooled by the soft tone of voice and the gentle touch of his arm. Thankfully he was trained for this exact situation.

“Sorry,” he laughed awkwardly, wanting his target to lower his guard. “I should have been paying attention. I was just…” His eyes darted down to his phone, a sad look crossing over his face for just a second before he plastered a smile on his face. “Never mind. Are you alright?”

“I’m not the one with red wine spilled down my front,” the target chuckled. “Your shirt is ruined.”

Feeling an arm coming down around his shoulder, Kakashi allowed the other man to turn him around and lead him towards a private table while chatting his ear off about the party and how much effort he had put into making it perfect. Something Kakashi forced himself to smile along with and listen to, even as he kept his eye out for Sasori.

This wasn’t going to be his only attempt, and Kakashi still had information that he needed to get before he could finally take care of the job himself. He just had to keep the man alive long enough to get that information, which meant keeping Sasori from slipping him any poison.

A task that was easier said than done given Sasori’s history.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Getting the target to trust him hadn’t taken long at all. For someone good at manipulating others, the man was just as susceptible to his tactics. Or he was just a sucker for a pretty face, and Kakashi didn’t have a pretty face.

Now he just had to get the man to spill the beans about some of the people he worked with.

“It sounds like a lonely job,” toying with the little umbrella in the drink he had been offered, Kakashi kept an eye out for any sign of Sasori. “Do you at least have any friends to keep you company? Or are you one of those people who thinks he doesn’t need friends?”

His target laughed, one arm resting on the seat behind Kakashi. “Friends are a hindrance in my line of work. I prefer to keep people at a length. Emotions are just another factor in the equation of life that I don’t want to have to deal with.”

A line he had heard far too many times over the years, from enemies and allies alike.

“Well, that just sounds like a lonely life to me,” Leaning forward on the table he forced himself not to cringe or lash out when he felt the man’s fingers playing with the edges of his hair. “No one to keep you company.”

“You could keep me company.” The offer is real, though Kakashi knows it would be only for a night if he were to take him up on it. Not that he needs to. He’s so close to getting what he wants.

Which makes it all the more annoying when he sees a familiar head of blazing red hair walking past acting like nothing is going on as he tips something into their target's drink.

Stubborn shit.

Leaning in a little closer to his target, Kakashi notched the charm up by fifty percent and gave him his best smile. “And what would that involve, hmm?” poking the man in the chest playfully, he chuckled when he was rewarded with a soft grunt. “Come on now. I can’t just jump in without knowing what I’m getting myself into.”

With little distance left between them, Kakashi used the distraction to push his target's glass back just a bit. Not knocking it off of the table, but shoving it right to the edge. Hopefully, his target wouldn’t realize and would take care of the rest for him.

“There’s a lot of things that it involves,” the target's smile sent shivers down Kakashi’s spine, though he kept a neutral expression on his face. “It could involve getting to know each other a bit better, some fun activities in private...” he brought a hand up to cup Kakashi’s cheek, cursing when his elbow collided with the glass of whiskey and sent it toppling over onto the ground.

“Oh,” tilting his head, he smiled when the target looked back at him. “I guess I’m not the only clumsy one tonight.”

Somewhere far away he could just imagine Sasori screaming into a napkin and cursing his name, and just that image gave him the strength he needed to keep flirting with the man in front of him.

He was going to get what he wanted no matter how damn hard Sasori tried to stop him.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Once he had finally gotten the target to start talking it was smooth sailing ahead. It had only taken a couple of drinks until he was just drunk enough to start talking. Three of which had been poisoned at some point by a very determined Sasori, but Kakashi had found a way to get rid of those ones without being too obvious about what he was trying to do,

It was honestly a little tiring. Trying to save his target’s life when he knew that at the end of the night the man would be dead anyway, regardless of if it was Kakashi or Sasori who killed him.

Just a bit more and he’d have everything that he needed.

“It sounds to me like you don’t get along with this guy too much. Why do you keep working with him if he’s causing you so many problems?” he asked innocently as he stirred his drink with the little umbrella.

“Best dealer in the business,” his target laughed bitterly. “Couldn’t find someone better no matter how hard I tried. And trust me, I’ve tried.”

So close. He could almost taste the successful mission.

Which of course was exactly when an interruption arrived in the form of a hand being slammed down on the table between them and furious brown eyes burrowing holes into his very soul.

“Can I help you?” tilting his head he met Sasori’s gaze head-on. This was not a mission he was willing to fail just because the redhead couldn’t take a hint and leave his target alive for five more minutes.

“You have been hogging the cutest guy in this whole party for the past two hours,’ that was not a response he had been expecting. “I get it, you’re adorable. You have a great smile, but you could at least share his attention.”

A great smile?

Folding his hands together Kakashi rested his chin on top of them and gave Sasori that ‘great smile’ that he had mentioned. “Isn’t there someone else you could bother for the attention your daddy never gave you?”

If looks were as deadly as Sasori’s poisons, he would certainly be dead right now. A well-deserved death of course, since the jab was a lot more personal coming from the son of Konoha Intelligence Division’s White fang. After all, anyone who knew Sasori was more than aware of his father’s death.

A death he had met during a mission gone wrong against the White fang.

“You think you’re all that, don’t you?” Sasori looked like he was ready to pounce, and Kakashi didn’t doubt that if he did there would be a poisoned Kunai in his hand. “You’re not even that good looking. I think he could do better.”

Lies.

He was drop-dead gorgeous.

“It sounds to me like someone’s just jealous he couldn’t catch the cute Guy’s attention. You really should lower your standards a little to match up with what’s achievable for you.”

He’s certain Sasori’s actually about to jump over the table and attack him after that one, but their target places a hand on each of their chests to hold them back. A precautionary measure that wouldn’t stop them if they decided to fight.

“Come on you two, there’s no reason to get nasty,” His words are slurred a little from all of the alcohol he has consumed, and the smile on his face is creepy and almost predatory. Just looking at it makes Kakashi shiver. “You don’t have to fight over me. We could always just share. You’re both very…”

No amount of information was worth hearing that sentence finished. Not that he would get the last bit of information that he wanted thanks to Sasori’s little interruption.

And since there was nothing else to be gained, Kakashi didn’t feel bad about unsheathing his hidden knife and plunging it into the man’s neck at the same time as Sasori.

It was messy, disgusting, definitely drew more attention than he would have liked, and yet oh so satisfying to finally put an end to that aggravating nails on a chalkboard voice.

“You ruined my mission,” He narrowed his eyes towards Sasori, sour that he hadn’t gotten all of the information that he had wanted. “You couldn’t have just waited another five minutes, could you?”

“And let you get a perfect mission while I've been cursing your name for the past two hours every time you managed to dump his drink or get rid of the poisoned donut even though I know you didn’t see me put it there? Not a chance.”

Donut? He hadn’t realized that the donut he had handed off to one of the man’s bodyguards to distract them was poisoned. It was a good thing the man had wrapped it up in a napkin and tucked it away in his pocket for later.

“Well, you got what you wanted,” scanning the area, he growled when he saw that everyone in the room had turned to look at them. “Anyways, congratulations on the kill. Hope your bosses are happy, don’t call me and I won’t call you.”

Planting his hands on the table, Kakashi heaved himself over it and made a run for the nearest window, praying that Rin had been paying attention the whole time and was on her way in to pick him up.

The quicker he got out of here, the less likely he was to have to deal with Sasori’s bruised ego.

#Hatake Kakashi #sasori #Spy Au #Naruto #Taryn's Birthday Celebration 2021 #Taryn's Birthday Fics #Excessive Sass #Kakashi is a sassy boy and he's not holding back #poor Sasori #he did not sign up for this shit XD

[yourdesertsunflower]

Boruto did a disservice to Temari

Sorry, in anticipation I warn you, this will be long. 

Okay, okay. I love Temari. She is my favorite kunoichi, I love each and everyone of her appearances in Naruto and Naruto Shippuden, I watched all filler that she was on, and I even have her on my avatar. So, yes, this by no means is to hate on the character but to actually show how Boruto writers completely misunderstood her. 

I’ll always love her character, but I got to admit I am not okay at all with somethings they are making her do in the Boruto’s anime. And no, it’s not because she moved to Konoha, or decided to take mainly the role a housewife (a bloody difficult job if you ask me) because I frankly couldn’t care less of any of that if she is happy. I really think that Shikamaru and Shikadai make her genuinely happy and that’s all I want for her. She had went from so much shit that I only want to see her feeling value and loved, that’s the least she deserves and her husband and son give her that. 

The problem is that, in most of her characterization in Boruto, I hardly see that Temari we got to know and love in the anime and manga of Naruto. Now when we get to see her in her recurring role in Boruto she is capitalized by her writers as a joke of the “crazy wife and mother that would rather hit you with your fan than having a civilized talk and will be angry twenty-four seven with no apparent reason.” 

And that, my friends, is not Temari. At least not the Temari I grew to love in Naruto.

Through this post I’ll try to explain why I think that that portrayal of the abusive housewife and mother that they give her in most of Nara Family moments in the Boruto manga, and specially the anime, is (in point of view) completely mislead. It had become clear to me, through my time watching the show, that Boruto writers are clearly not even trying to understand Temari’s character and how they are using her as a recurring joke rather than considering her as a real three-dimensional character. And I despise them for that same reason. 

So, without more vacillation, I’ll get started. 

1. Who is Temari?

Before venturing into everything that is wrong about the characterization of Temari in Boruto and trying to pin point when this actually started to happen, I would like to see deeper into Temari’s character. I think it’s only wby understanding her character previously from Boruto that we will actually understand how inconsistent is her writing in the show. 

I decided to base my analysis of Temari’s character in the Naruto series in two key aspects: an overarching analysis of Temari’s character profile using the Myres Briggs Personality Types and the Enneagram and in pin-pointing will pin point some specific moments of characterization in the manga of Naruto that show her character. 

Before starting with the analysis, I want to be clear about why I use the Myers Briggs Personality Types and the Enneagram in my analysis of Temari. I really don’t usually tend to care for the function of neither of those test in real life (if you do I am perfectly fine with it, it’s just something I don’t do myself) but I think they can be great tools for any author to understand better the behavior, desires and motivations behind their characters. I personally do this in my work and I highly recommend it for any other writer out there. 

Remember, this is my own personal analysis and I’ll tell you when my opinion differs from the majority, I’ll justify everything said in my analysis, and I’ll leave links to every info that I give you. 

Well, speaking specifically about Temari. Who is she? What she wants? Why she wants it? What she’ll do to achieve it? What she really needs? Which is her fear?

This between others are questions that any author or actor has to ask themselves when they are writing their characters. It’s a question of giving the character depth, making it seem “like a living breathing human-being.” 

Kishimoto state it in the most bluntly, yet efficient ways, when he presented Team Seven by making Kakashi ask them about their likes, dislikes and dreams. Naruto, Sakura and Sasuke’s response reflect all this questions even though they are not saying it directly. I won’t analyse this respective scene, because if not this will be really long, but I promise to do it sometime in the future. 

Well using the Myers Briggs Personality and Enneagram Test we can get to full-picture of these questions. Myers Briggs Personality test will tell us who the character is in it’s core; how they’ll behave, how they’ll face a situation and their outllook of life. The Enneagram on the other side show us their wants and needs, what they long to archieve and their fears. 

In the case of Temari I would classify her as an ENTJ but,her most common classification is ESTJ and a 8w9 as her Enneagram. If you want me to explain why I think she is an ENTJ an not a ESTJ (thoiugh I’ll construct my case over ESTJ) just ask for it cause I’ll be more than happy to do it. But for now, and in order not to make it way longer than it will already be I’ll focus on Te (Extraverted Thinking) and Fi (Introverted Feelings) both functions that both types share as their primary and inferior function respectively and will be key for my analysis.

Source Temari’s Personal Database

(If you want to understand the differences between ESTJs and ENTJs here is a good tumblr source that explains everything quite complete yet quite simply explained)

Let’s go first with the MBTI (Myers Briggs Type Indicator)

What means to have Te as a primary function and Fi as in inferior function?

Te as a Primary Function (Extroverted Thinking): Think of your primary function as your strongest suit, things you are good at. Dominant Extroverted Thinkers tend to be logical, objective and fair. They are very organized and try to arrange the real world to suit their needs. 

Strives to bring order, control, and rationality to the systems and operations of the outside world.Evidence: Temari is able to rationalize situations and access their pros and cons quite easily. This is showing in the flashback where she doubts of the productivity of the Konoha Crush since she maintained that there alliance with Konoha was much more valuable any they could gain from the attack. 

Insists on objective standards and measurable goals. Evidence: She is prone to be involved in and thinks in things as if they were projects like the preparations of the Chunin Exam, the Allied Shinobi Forces, etc. (see the image of the Fourth Databook)

Tendency to quickly express their judgments and opinion, to literally think (i.e., make judgments, conclusions, and decisions) aloud. Evidence: In her match against Shikamaru she was pretty quick in express her analysis of his movements aloud. 

Speak before they listen which can either make them strong and courageous leaders or seem abrasive, dogmatic, or controlling. Evidence: Temari asserted a leadership position within her village and also within the Allied Shinobi forces (despite not being strictly one) showing us her natural inclination to take charge. 

Source of the Image

Prone to overstating things. Evidence: In her fight against Shikamaru thinking she knew all the extent of his technique. 

They may say things that, in retrospect, they wish they could rescind, or at least soften (specially true for hypersensitive Fi), which can lead them to respond defensively or re-actively. Evidence: Sasuke Retrieval Arc, Temari’s expression as Shikaku reprimanded his son. Konoha Hiden, Temari feels ashamed about what happened the 

Fi as a Inferior Funtion (Introverted Feeling): Inferior Function is that thing that we often push aside the most and find most difficult to fully grasp. However, that doesn’t mean it doesn’t play a key role in our behavior. People with Fi are driven by an internal moral compass, helping them adjust their actions in order that what they are doing helps or affects people in a meaningful way. This gives them a sense of loyalty to those around them, considering the wants and needs of those close to them.    

Loyalty and dutiful nature due to a well constructed inner moral compass. Evidence: Fierce sense of loyalty to her village and her moral and ethical duty towards it.

Not prone to display emotions, may see them as a weakness.Evidence: The famous, “Had you received emotional training?” after the failed mission against Sasuke.

If taken to their worst they can have an all-or-nothing nature, this is neutralized when more “healthy” and less hypersensitive their Fi is. Evidence: Her whole fight against Tenten. She should to be someone strong, determined, disciplined with a strong chracter that will never let anyone mock her.

Image Source

Strong sense of inner control reached by vigorously working to control the outside world. The only way they can feel in control of themselves is by taking control of their surroundings. Evidence: How she managed to control the situation when Shikamaru was trying to ask her out on a date, her reasoning during their Chuinin Exams fight. 

Fi might also inspire them to take up causes that have personally affected them, ingrained on a deep fear of being a bad person or having corrupted moral. Evidence: Given her participation in the Konoha Crush Temari is one of the main actors to amend the relationship between Konoha and Suna in the time skip. Also she wants to archive a peace she never had due to her childhood as a Gaara’s sister and Rasa’s daughter, shown in her important participation in the Shinobi Alliance. Her deep care for both of her brothers given their mother’s death and she taking a position of caretaker within the family on an unconscious level. 

Unconscious yet particular empathy and concern for children, often finding great fulfillment in having and caring for children. Evidence: In Part I, after the Sasuke Retrieval Arc, The Sand Siblings stay in Konoha to help at the Academy. Temari reveals to Shikamaru that she had done it because she was fond of it. Children seem to really respect and admire her. 

Source MBTI 

Enneagram: 8w9 (The Diplomat)

Basic Fear

Eights with a nine wing fear being hurt by others. They avoid situations in which they have less control, generally preferring to be in positions of leadership.

Basic Desire

Their basic desire is to guard themselves against threats and control their own destiny. They may express this by asserting independence at a young age.

Hence Diplomats (8w9) defend themselves by building emotional walls and denying vulnerability. They seek to appear strong, subconsciously believing that being too emotional will make them seem weak (Haven’t you received emotional training?). They,

Dislike taking orders from other people

Though they are certainly not the most chill of all types the most calm and laid-back of the eights. 

Struggle to openly share emotions

Fear being controlled by others

Seek autonomy and independence. 

At their best diplomats use their wit and ability to see different perspectives to face different projects. Their naturally energetic and confident persona make of them people that can lead others effectively, through support and guidance. They have a talent to give others what they need, and are empowering and advocating for others. They feel a need to protect the ones they love and enjoy their-selves the most when they are surrounded by these people. 

Image Source

At their worst diplomats, given their struggle to control their temper and their tendencies to be stubborn or rigid can enter excessively in conflict or disagreement or directly reject and dismiss others. They struggle to face emotionally vulnerable situations due to their sense of lack of inner control with can make them seems overly confident or emotionally detached. They also can develop a dislike for rules from authority figures. 

Image Source

The best way to communicate with a 8w9 is to be direct and straightforward, while encouraging them to share their ideas. If conflict arises it’s better to address conflict directly and logically; discuss and work together toward the best solution.

Source of Enneagram 8w9 

Conclusion

For that we have seen through this analysis some key things about Temari. 

She is quite a direct and logical and rational individual who values to get things done in the outside world. 

She has leadership skills, given their courageous and confident attitude, but can also come up a abrasive or controlling. 

Tend to overstate things and may say or do things that they, later on, wish they could soften. 

Is incredibly loyal to her set of values and those around her and tends to involve personally with the things she works on. 

She tends to want to have a control of the outside world and her worst fear is to loose it, cause is in the only way she can feel in control of herself. 

She wants independence cause that is the way she can feel in control of herself. Therefore she tends to leave emotions on one side, they are less controllable cause they are in her inner world, and focus her energies on the outside (rational) world.  

2.  Shikamaru and Konoha Hiden: The Beginning of Everything.  

I can begin to trace the disservice towards Temari in this point in time, in the anime’s adaptation of her character from the light novels. From here we can begin to see how they are starting to tweak Temari’s character (in a way that’s unfair and clearly not coherent) to fit her into the mold of the angry or crazy girlfriend/wife though with moderation. 

Why? Why, do you have to adapt an moment like this...

Clutching his back, Shikamaru turned his eyes toward the voice.

A woman with a sharp gaze and golden hair tied into two bundles stood there, holding a giant fan in both hands. And that fan had no doubt created the wind that had knocked Shikamaru flying.

Temari...

"So you're just gonna skip out?! You're gonna do whatever he tells you to? That's not like you at all! I expect a lot more from you! Get it together, you idiot! I mean, I know you actually think this guy's boring! His stupid lecture's total  garbage! Am I right? Say something! Shikamaru!"

His ears, now accustomed to Gengo's weighty tone, took in the screeching, loud voice, and his eyes flickered with pain. "Ah!"

The haze blanketing his head vanished cleanly and completely. The thing squeezing his heart was gone; it was as if a hole had popped open in his chest. 

But it felt amazingly good. He inhaled deeply, down to the bottom of his stomach, and slowly let it out. A laugh naturally followed.

A single blow to pull him out of the genjutsu...

"So you show up out of nowhere to badmouth me?" He put a hand on the back of his head, eyes fixed on Temari as he stood up.

"I came to save you. Quit grumbling and thank me." She rammed the end of the folding fan into the ground, rested her right elbow on the pivot, and puffed her chest out. Behind her stood a line of ninja. They all had the mark of Sunagakure carved into their forehead protectors. 

"I can't exactly go letting you die now, can I?" She grinned.

Her smile, glittering like the fire of the desert sun, cleared Shikamaru's heart. Her earlier words came back to life in his head.

Source: Naruto: Shikamaru Hiden - A Cloud Drifting in Silent Darknes (2015) by Masashi Kishimoto, Takashi Yano 

as this?

I know this may be completely unpopular but, hey I am here to say what I think. You can always count that’ll be honest. And I don’t like this. 

This in my opinion this is not female empowerment, this is not funny and this is not Temari reacting naturally to the situation she is involved in. Is just simply her hitting Shikamaru with no reason at all. 

In the novel, as we have seen, Temari lectured him (oh, boy did she lectured him just rightly). She basically made her come into his senses using logic and reason, using words, the same through which Gengo almost defeat him. And that is Temari, she may not be the best at expressing her emotions but when conflict arises she address conflict directly and logically. She explains, in a way that yes may seem imposing for others, but that always uses Te (extroverted thinking) as her main weapon. 

Temari would never make someone come to his senses by a love declaration but she wouldn’t slap him on his face either. 

Temari does this because, although Shikamaru hurt her, Shikamaru is someone dear to her and she knows that he needs of a little bit of tough love in order to function. This is Temari’s way of being empowering and advocating for others.

And you may be asking. But hey, Temari had already slapped Shikamaru before and you didn’t say nothing about that moment? Yes she did, but that moment was intrinsically different to this second one. 

This slap...

It’s justified in Temari’s character. Maybe it’s not the best thing she could do, nor what I pictured her to do, but is not that detached with the situation. 

Let’s see another extract of the Light Novel to understand better the context:

"Oil" A voice called to Shikamaru from behind.

He clicked his tongue imperceptibly. The voice belonged to the person he least wanted to speak with at that moment. Ignoring it, he kept moving forward.

"Shikamaru, hold up!" The voice beat at his back, threatening to send him flying.

"What?" He turned just his head to look at the woman over his shoulder.

Temari from Sunagakure. Her hair was shorter now than it had been two years ago, and she had pulled it back into two bundles on either side of her head. Her eyes were gentler now than they had been, set in a fairly adult looking face. But given that she was older than Shikamaru, her face didn't just look grown-up; she was actually already a very fine adult.

"What's going on with you?" She stared at Shikamaru with eyes that drooped somewhat more than they used to. 

"What do you mean?"

"You've been weird lately." Temari's slender hand reached out to Shikamaru's shoulder and pulled him around to face her.

What a drag... The words made it all the way to his throat before he managed to desperately swallow them back down.

"I mean your attitude at the meeting there. You just sit there with your mouth shut. Everyone gets nervous; the whole place tenses up, you know."

"It does?"

"You didn't notice it?" Temari's eyes grew wide. "What happened?"

"Nothing."

"It's something you can't talk to me about?" Temari's hard gaze hurt.

In the two years since the Great War ended, Temari had been a good and understanding partner in their work on the alliance. She shared his desire to keep the shinobi from fracturing into factions once more after they had finally come together in the face of a powerful enemy. She had rallied the Allied Forces with him. The strong bond between Naruto, seen as a candidate for the next Hokage of Konoha, and Gaara, the Kazekage of Sunagakure, also played a part; the relationship between the two villages was extremely good, even among the five great nations. With these kinds of outside factors also at work, Shikamaru and Temari each recognized the other as their greatest ally in the alliance.

"Something's happening in Konoha." She had fairly good insight.

However, her shot was a little off. Nothing was happening in Konoha, although it was true that they were trying to take care of the situation with only the shinobi of Konoha. So Temari was half-right, half-wrong.

The basic policy of the alliance was that matters relating to the life or death of shinobi themselves exceeded the framework of the villages and should be shared with the entire group. What Shikamaru and Kakashi were attempting to do was in very clear violation of this policy. Even so, he couldn't say anything. Getting the alliance involved now and stirring up trouble with the Land of Silence was not a good plan.

I'll handle it... His resolve hardened.

"Is there anything I can do?"

"There's not."

Temari dropped her eyes at Shikamaru's curt reply. "Okay," she muttered, lifelessly. In the next instant, the brief look of sadness on her face changed to anger.

It was all he could do to take a breath. He had no room to dodge; before he knew it, Shikamaru was flying. He tumbled down the hall a few times before ending up on his backside in a seated position. The right side of his face swelled up, bright red. Stroking his hot cheek, Shikamaru looked up at an indignant Temari glaring down at him.

"I never actually thought I could've misjudged you so badly!" Her angry yell turned into a powerful wind, pushing up against his face.

"I-I'm sorry..." The words were unconscious. He unthinkingly took on the persona of his father stumbling home in the morning, only to get yelled at by his mother in the entryway.

Taking long strides, Temari passed by Shikamaru and disappeared, her eyes slightly damp.

Source: Naruto: Shikamaru Hiden - A Cloud Drifting in Silent Darknes (2015) by Masashi Kishimoto, Takashi Yano

We see a Temari that is continuously trying to reach someone who she had become closed to and with whom she had worked side by side since the war ended two years ago. Someone who she thought trusted her. The slap is given her sadness with ended up being represented in anger (inferior Fi). She had a real reason to be sad: Temari isn’t someone who lightly trust or cares about someone and Shikamaru was just closing the door to her. Saying that he didn’t need her. And there’s nothing that Temari wants more than feeling need, something that is evidence in her Tsukuyomi Dream, which may not be canon, but yet captured Temari’s character. 

Not only that but, as we said, Temari’s basic fear was to be hurt by others. That’s why she usually has that overly confident and seemingly emotionally detached attitude. And once she left her guard down she was hurt by non other than a person she hold dear, which we have seen ain’t an easy point to reach with someone with Temari’s personality. Given her “all or nothing” outlook this might be a really bad wound for her, like if he was back-stabbing her. 

That’s why "I never actually thought I could've misjudged you so badly!" and Temari’s cry really is so important. It shows she’s truly hurt. It justifies her punch, no. But it explains it. (I won’t lie, I also wanted give Shikamaru a good punch when I read this)

Also this moment wasn’t exactly the best adapted sequence but it’s much better than the previous one and with the right context it all comes quite justified. 

You could also say that there was also that one time were Temari hits Shikamaru with her fan after she realizes in the Konoha Hiden that Shikamaru and her were actually searching for a wedding gift for Naruto and Hinata, 

“Hmm, so that’s what it all was....” She said, smiling peacefully.

“No, hold on ...Ah!!” Shikamaru inadvertently let out an exclamation.

It was possible that Temari’s misunderstanding had been- “Hey, oi ...You couldn’t have thought that, right.”

When he said that, for some reason, Temari silently took her tessen off her back, holding it in her hand.

“H-hey...what is it?” He asked. “Why’re you suddenly taking that out...? Wh- what’s up with your chakra...?!”

Temari grinned affectionately at him.

Shikamaru was captivated by the sight, and found a smile forming on his face, too.

Smiling at each other like that, they looked like the very picture of an intimate pair of lovers.

That night in Konoha...

One sudden, out-of-season gale swept over Konoha’s hot springs, and lasted the entirety of the night. The residents and tourists spent the whole night awake, too frightened to sleep...

Source: Konoha Hiden: The Perfect Day for a Wedding (2015) by Masashi Kishimoto and Shō Hinata

And I agree I am not saying this is fine either (though there isn’t that much of an explicit but an implicit hit), but is also something Temari shows to be sorry and ashamed about later in the story. Even though she is prideful and won’t be able to admit it she finally does. Because at the end of the day Temari is a lover and fighter but, even though she won’t admit it, will love rather than fight. 

Besides the context in here is different. They had already went on a date and could almost be consider a couple. I had already posted a quote were Ino and Sakura talked about Shikamaru and Temari’s relationship. It was obvious there was something going on for months (If you want to get to know better you can see the time line). It wasn’t that far-fetched to understand the situation as Temari, someone who’s pretty direct, was interpreting them. 

It’s something through which they both learn and grew together. Shikamaru will never be as frontal as she might want to but he is willing to give it a try for her and she is willing to try to understand what is going in his mind. 

Also I think that this novels suffered of having different writers so it sometimes feels as the story unnecessarily regresses. Kishimoto only illustrates the stories and this becomes pretty showing. However and despite I don’t enjoy Temari hitting Shikamaru, the novels itself aren’t that detached from Temari’s character. The soul of her character is still there.

But are these slight changes in the anime showed us the way that they were trying to head Temari’s character in Boruto, changes that as we had seen during her analysis don’t seem to fit rightly her character. Specially in Perriots adaptation of the manga we see a deep misunderstanding of Temari, from her behaviour to her wants and feelings. Unluckily, the worst was yet to come. 

3. Boruto: Why did they did this? 

Well, here is what triggered this whole post. Temari’s portrayal in Boruto. And I got to say one thing before starting with this analysis. I really like some scenes of Temari in Boruto. 

To see her in action, training with the new generation of the Ino-Shika-Cho and protecting her son were fairly enjoyable but, more importantly, are congruent with her character. It’s her more domestic scenes which I tend to dislike a lot.

I consider than in this scenes they depict Temari as an angry housewife and an aggressive mother which, in my opinion, are the greatest disservice to Temari’s character. Maybe I am the only one that thinks this, but (as I said previously) I don’t find them funny nor that they depict Temari correctly, serve a motif in the narrative or serve any agenda. They are simply treated as comic relief. 

This is truly hurting for someone that is not only a Temari fan but a ShikaTema shipper since they transformed a relationship that was based on mutual trust, respect and communication above anything else into this dynamic we see in Boruto. 

And I have to hypothesize why they made Temari do this I would have two main factors: 

Lazy Writing and Appeal to Nostalgia: All Nara men marry to troublesome woman so they found in this moments a cheep way to remind the audience constantly that Temari is troublesome and therefore be able to make easy correlations to Shikaku’s relationship with Yoshino. 

The Tsundere Trend: Maybe this is me overthinking a little bit too much (but when I don’t)  but the Tsundere one of the most capitalized dere types in anime. People seem to love them in a way I don’t fully understand. Having a woman inflict danger to his partner is the most easy way to scream “tsundere” maybe not the best but an easy one. Mind that when we speak about a tsundere I mean: 

A stock love interest who is usually stern, cold or hostile to the person they like, while occasionally letting slip the warm and loving feelings hidden inside due to being shy, nervous, insecure or simply unable to help acting badly in front of the person they like.

The Japanese term tsundere refers to an outwardly violent character who "runs hot and cold", alternating between two distinct moods: tsuntsun (aloof or irritable) and deredere (lovestruck).

Tsundere Source

Funny enough I never saw Temari as a Tsundere. I would never say, from the manga, that Temari ‘runs hot and cold.’ Yes, you don’t want to mess up with her when she is angry but it’s not like this happen often in the manga. 

The only time I consider we have seen Temari go angry pretty quickly (in Naruto) was in her match with Shikamaru when he said that he wouldn’t be defeated by a woman. But I think we can’t apply one situation to larger and broader spectrum. That was in the middle of a fight and, as I explained in a previous post of mine,  there were much more other things involved in the context of the manga/anime at that point in time. 

I have always consider Temari someone who was deep in control of herself and her emotions, capable of displaying what she wants to show when she wants. This is because of her own basic fear of being hurt, hence she only shows this emotions when she is either, truly hurt, angry or when she trust enough the other person. 

That’s why is so important that the only times we have seen Temari fully displaying this emotions were around Shikamaru or her brothers. 

I don’t like that much dere types but, if I had to chose one, her sarcastic humor and realistic outlook of life, always seemed more alike to the profile of a hinedere

The hinedere is a sarcastic, cynical person who always looks to the darker, more realistic side of things and is very quick to reveal that to other characters. They tend to be arrogant and cold-hearted however, the hinedere will have a soft spot for their love interest and will reluctantly but reliably do anything for them.

Hinedere Source 

This dere type may not be as popular but, I think, fits much more her personality all through Naruto. However, that’s a personal opinion and no falling into a dere type should, if it’s understood correctly, disrupt the core character. 

Okay so, they wanted to make Temari fall into this direction but... Why isn’t this her? Well that’s the following point. 

4. Why this isn’t Temari?

Temari at the beginning of Naruto is someone that thinks that life is like in the dessert: everything is though and hard and only the fittest are meant to survive. Anything or anyone that shows her weakness is naturally inferior or undesirable. That is her outlook of life: you have to be pragmatic, logic and strong if you want to continue fighting another day. The weak are naturally destined to loose, and hence she doesn’t care to be the one to destroy them since it’s only when you impose fear that you’ll be actually able to survive. 

That ideology, she had learn all through her childhood, translates in her battle against Tenten and began to be challenged in her battle against Shikamaru. At the end we see a Temari that, despite being born to fight, develops as a character chooses to dedicate her life to the search of peace in order to protect those weaker ones that she once loathed. That’s why she is an incredible ambassador for Suna and good adviser of Gaara: she yet has that pragmatic, logical and sometimes cynical point of view but that contrast with the idealism of her brother and helps them to balance each other out. She is highly loyal and I am sure she’ll do anything for her family and to protect that peace she found in it. 

Hence, I always find it pretty hard to believe that Temari would rather take her fan and hit someone before having a reasonable, direct and straightforward conversation. 

Even, before her evolution, we see that Temari is much less willing to enter a unreasonable and violent dispute than her brothers and that is what, in the first instances sets her apart from them. 

When Temari first hits the scene just before the start of the Chunin Exams, by mere virtue of the fact that the group that she’s with is intimidating, she becomes a bit scary herself, but she shows to be different than both of them. 

Kankuro comes off as the tough, scary guy who you don’t want to mess with only to be swiftly upstaged by the seriously blood-chilling Gaara.

(Sorry for the image in spanish but basically Temari is telling Kankuro to leave Konohamaru alone and to not involve her in his actions) 

Temari, on the other hand, stands by coolly, occasionally offering her brothers warnings or plays referee. Her sit-back-and-bide-her-time attitude makes her look like the most stable of the three in comparison; Kankuro picks a pointless fight with a kid and Gaara ends up looking psychopathic. 

Temari’s rational and cool behavior also pays testament to what readers later see are some of her major strengths which keeps repeating itself through the manga, in the Forest of Death during The Chunin Exams and in The Five Kages’s Summit it was Temari who during tense times was able to cool them up. 

(Temari asking Gaara to calm down during the second stage of the Chunin Exams)

However, I got to admit that Temari isn’t a saint. She has a sharp tongue and she is straight foward and direct what, as we said before may lead to her to say things that, in retrospect, they wish they could rescind, or at least soften, which can lead them to respond defensively or re-actively. 

Things like this we see them while she looks at Shikamaru after the failure of Sasuke’s Rescue Mission. Even when she had lectured Shikamaru she then looked at him as if she questioned if she had been to harsh on him. It was clear that she had misjudge him as she realized how much she cared for his friends. Or in the Konoha Hiden as, after having that little incident with Shikamaru she is nervous to see him again. 

Images Sources (Manga in Spanish)

That’s why I can’t imagine Temari simply hitting someone just for kicks. Is not like she can’t but that she doesn’t want or sees the appeal to do it. 

The is in a lot of senses the perfect kunoichi, disciplined, determined, strong and intelligent and will never let anyone mock her (that’s for sure). She is ruthless towards her opponents cause that is her way of approaching a rival but she will never be violent for violence’s sake. 

It’s not like we just attacked the Leaf Village for kicks, you know? We were following orders. That’s all, just like we’re doing on this mission.

Temari to Shikamaru during the Sasuke’s Retrieval Arc

But even less than this I imagine being violent towards people she appreciates and cares as Shikamaru and Shikadai. Yes, I think she would most likely express herself through some tough love, being strict with Shikadai and not letting Shikamaru just slack and complain about everything. But, never, ever, I imagined her being physically or verbally violent towards them without feeling any remorse. Cause she never was in Naruto. 

She was direct and honest, maybe a bit to much for people, but after her the Chunin Exams her character never showed to be like that to anyone. Even less towards Shikamaru.

You have the “crybaby” thing going on but I would rather think that of a positive rather than a negative aspect because of the way in which she says it. It shows their connection as individuals which is full of bickering and this back and forth of clever commentaries but that is build on common ground. You may not be the people that like these but that doesn’t mean that Shikamaru feel the same as you. 

If not he would never have this expression on this face...

Source Image

Temari is the one that trusted fully in him during war even to the point of considering him capable of being Hokage because “he has the power to reach/.sway away people’s hearts” and she wants to create a world of peace with him. Their relationship was about bringing out the best of each other not the worst, which doesn’t mean they don’t function like fully capable individuals without the other (cause they do) but that through their interactions they developed into better people. We are after all, social creatures and we need of others and the Sand Siblings are exemplary that that doesn’t make you weak but stronger. That you can change your preconceived notions of the world and learn from others, change for the better and use that strength protect instead to attack or seclude yourself. 

So why, if Temari was capable to reach a point where she was at her best, letting her fear to be hurt to fall, and use her naturally energetic and confident persona to lead others effectively, through support and guidance, Boruto writers tend to write her in her moments with Shikamaru at what would be her worst, struggling to control her temper and with her stubbornness and rigidness making her excessively enter in conflict or disagreement or directly reject and dismiss others?

This is a complete character regression for Temari. And I don’t mean that characters can’t have their moments, nor that Temari should be perfect, when they are at that stage. But that should be addressed in that manner and not as comic relief. 

In my opinion Temari had always a  talent to give Shikamaru what he needed, giving him some tough love when he needed but at the same time being empowering. 

"So you're just gonna skip out?! You're gonna do whatever he tells you to? That's not like you at all! I expect a lot more from you! Get it together, you idiot! I mean, I know you actually think this guy's boring! His stupid lecture's total  garbage! Am I right? Say something! Shikamaru!"

Source: Naruto: Shikamaru Hiden - A Cloud Drifting in Silent Darkness (2015) by Masashi Kishimoto, Takashi Yano

That’s why, with the clear feel and need to protect and be appreciated by the ones they love and enjoying herself the most when they are surrounded by them, I can’t really see Temari acting like this. 

5. PS: I still love you

This turned out to be really long so I won’t pull it any further. Just let me say this last words. 

I really like Temari, I really do, and in part a lot of my dislike of her portrayal in Boruto comes from that same factor. I truly think she is an amazing kunoichi and someone girls could look up to when watching Naruto, cause yes she had flaws, but this were addressed as such and were never used as comic relief. Besides, her good qualities and strengths quickly unnumbered her flaws: she was intelligent, strong, honest, disciplined, determined, dutiful, loyal and caring. Yes she might be prideful, overly confident, way to upfront and may not like to show that much her emotions but I don’t consider that this flaws could beat her logical and rational mindset that first matched her with characters like Shikamaru. 

Truly I think these scenes are a disservice towards my favorite female character of this whole manga and anime to the extent that if there was one thing I could change about the whole series would be this.

Temari wasn’t that much in the manga or in the anime but she was capable of leaving a palpable impression in me (to the extent that I wrote a +6.6k word essay about her, counting quotes and all) as well as in lots of other people. And that should tell you a lot about her as a character, a character that yes; could have been even better in terms of story and narrative than she was in the Naruto but that also certainly is much better than how they portray her in Boruto. 

#naruto #manga #anime #boruto #opinion #temari #shikamaru x temari #nara #shikatema #temashika #shikadai #violence as comic relief is not funny #i will get so much hate for this #character analysis

[putschki1969]

KEIKO Newsletter #1 Long Interview - English Translation

This is an amazing and incredibly insightful interview so be sure to check it out. Really, everyone should read this. It’s very candid and you will be able to understand Keiko so much better after reading all of this. However, please note that this is fan club EXCLUSIVE CONTENT so DO NOT SHARE on other sites.

❗ Please support KEIKO ❗ ❗ JOIN HER FAN CLUB ❗ ❗ Check out my detailed TUTORIAL ❗

KEIKO Official Fan Club 肉とチョコレート Fan Club Magazine Volume #1: KEIKO Long Interview (p 2-6)

-- It's been such a long time since our last interview. KEIKO: That’s true *laughs*. But let's act naturally without putting on airs, there is really no need for that! -- Right *laughs*. How are you spending your days? KEIKO: I am fully immersed in my music. However, since it’s quite hard to be mobile right now due to Corona, I am mostly focusing on doing research for my voice. Originally I had planned to be busy with music production but due to the influence of COVID-19 restrictions, the recording did not progress smoothly. Quite the contrary actually, it took quite a while to finish a single song, the production almost came to a full stop for some time. That’s how I ended up with a little time to spare for my research. I am the type to really enjoy spending a lot of time working on my songs, so I was absorbed in my research, trying to find the best ways of expression. -- What type of research was it? KEIKO: I am studying how to best approach a new song. How can I align my voice with a song so it resounds in a pleasant manner? It's a lot of fun to figure out the right accents and intonations, where to position my vocals for the best possible reverberation, how to colour my voice to match the melody. Even though we are in this situation, I still feel like I am spending my time efficiently. Therefore, rather than saying, "I will just be patient and wait until this self-isolation period is over", I spend my days doing what I need to do. -- Listening to you talking right now, I get the feeling that you are very straightforward, your approach to music seems to be quite different compared to the past. KEIKO: It's not a better or worse approach but it's definitely completely different from what I used to do so you really cannot compare it... Now I'm working based on my instincts, if I feel like singing a song, then I will just do it. When it comes to “Ray” for example, my staff members recommended it to me, saying it would really suit me. So I just went ahead with it. The more time I spent focused on the song, the more addictive it became. I chose my other songs on a whim too simply because I wanted to sing them. Then I searched for a voice that would bring out the best of the song and make it shine. When I actually try to sing these songs with my own voice for the first time I usually feel like my voice doesn’t match but then I try and try again to pursue a better sound. -- Your own choices lead onto a new path for yourself! The very essence of a solo artist’s activities so to speak. KEIKO: When you say it like that, it starts feeling so real. It was so much fun to get immersed in these activities. -- I think the last time we met was on March 30, 2018, when Kalafina held a stage greeting for the premiere of your documentary film "Kalafina 10th Anniversary Film ~A Sparkling Harmony Spun out of Dreams~". What state of mind were you in after that? KEIKO: We made a commitment, a promise to ourselves, to all our fans and staff members so we were hell-bent on reaching our 10th Anniversary with all our might. As we continued to rush towards our goal regardless of anything else, my physical condition started to deteriorate. By the time we had achieved what we had set out to do I had reached my limit. Therefore I decided to take a rest in order to take proper care of my body.

-- You are the type of person that continues onwards in a stoic manner without ever taking a break... KEIKO: Yes! So I told myself, “you need to rest now!” -- Actually, at that time your physical condition seemed very fragile to me. KEIKO: I am sorry if I made you worry. I was very much aware of my state but I decided to ignore it in favour of pushing further ahead. I was determined to keep our promise. -- And then you finally took a break. KEIKO: I can talk about this openly now but I was actually thinking about completely retiring from music. For the longest time my entire existence revolved around being Kalafina’s Keiko and I was constantly switching the button on and off between my private and professional life. Once I wasn’t Kalafina’s Keiko anymore I ended up losing my presence of mind, I no longer knew who I was as an individual. I thought that there was nothing I could do in the world of entertainment, like I had no place there anymore. After all, you can only be active in this world if there is a demand for what you have to offer. -- Yes, that may be the case. KEIKO: But what the fans wanted was Kalafina. And that’s not something I felt like I was able to restore. “How should I best express myself if there is no demand for what I can offer as a solo artist?” This kind of thinking wasn’t positive at all so I thought I shouldn't return to the industry. That's why I felt it would be best for Kalafina's Keiko to just not do or say anything, I simply “disappeared”. That's honestly the reason why. -- The Keiko I know as an artist is stoic, diligent, very strict on herself but incredibly caring when it comes to others... an image of perfection so to speak. But truth is, it seems that music was your driving force, if you hadn’t had Kalafina’s music, you wouldn’t have been able to move ahead. KEIKO: Yeah, I wouldn’t have been able to move ahead at all. Actually, that’s a character trait of mine, whether you consider that to be a good or bad thing *bitter smile*. I am the type that’s able to keep running and pushing forward because my goals and ambitions dictate everything I do. That's why I couldn't return in this half-baked state of mind, after all, I don’t do half-measures and it would have felt like I was betraying everyone who had been supporting us in the past...at that time, I was seriously considering retirement, I guess it was because my mind and body were exhausted. -- This was probably the first time you ever experienced something like that in your life? KEIKO: Yes, it was the first time for me. Around that time, my nephew was born and we all went to see my grandmother after a long time. Something really weird happened there. When I looked at my nephew who had just been born and my grandmother who was 80 years older than him, I couldn’t help but see a striking resemblance, their faces were alike despite their enormous age difference, isn’t that strange? For some reason, that made me think about "life". Going to visit both of them regularly truly healed my heart. -- Maybe that’s something that would have gone unnoticed if you hadn’t put a halt to your busy life to rest a bit. KEIKO: Yes, I think so. I feel like it's been around 17 or 18 years since I have experienced such an everyday relaxed life. The time with my family released all the tension that had gathered up from my non-stop activities as Kalafina’s Keiko, all of a sudden, my deepest tensions were dissolved. When I was spending time with my grandmother, I remembered "aaah, back in the day, granny helped me put on a kimono!” I wanted to continue that tradition and learn the technique as well so I would later be able to help my niece and nephew put on traditional Japanese clothing. That’s why I decided to go to kimono school. -- Oh I see. KEIKO: Around summer time I met up with an old friend from school. During one of our chats the idea of a trip suddenly came up. Almost everyone has gone on a trip after graduating uni or something but I have actually never gone on a proper “girls trip”. I was like, “yeah, that would be great!” so my friend said, “okay, let’s go on a trip!” and that’s how we ended up taking a girls trip....We went to Angkor Wat, a World Heritage Site in Cambodia, I had always wanted to go there. This trip would not have been possible if I had continued my work as member of Kalafina, when we had made our plans it felt like I was thrown back to my high school days, it was very liberating *laughs*. I really wanted to experience the heat and humidity of Cambodia, the turbulent landscapes of the past and present, and the energy of the people living there. My friend was quite taken aback by my suggestion, "eh! Cambodia?!"

-- She was surprised you didn’t suggest a resort or something *laughs*. KEIKO: She told me, “I just didn’t expect that based on the image you portray” *laughs*. The time I spent with my family and friends separated me from the music I had pursued for such a long time. I didn't listen to a single song. Going four months without listening to music, it’s something I can’t remember ever experiencing before. -- Did you not want to listen to music? KEIKO: Music was just gone from my life or I guess it simply stopped coming into my life. Perhaps my brain was shutting it out in order to heal my mind and body. During that time, I discovered so many parts of myself that were completely different from Kalafina’s Keiko. My true nature I guess. I felt like that was the real KEIKO. I realised, “I didn't know myself at all!”  The truth is, I have many insecurities so in order to protect myself I had created a fortress, an “image of Keiko” with high towers and lots of keys, I had felt comfortable hiding behind that image but the feeling of being released from myself was very refreshing. At that time I felt like I still had many changes ahead of me and that I would like to discover new aspects of myself that I didn’t know yet. I still feel that way. Slowly I want to scrape off one layer after the other from the facade I have carefully crafted throughout the years. -- Interesting. KEIKO: If you are living that kind of life, you are bound to feel better *laughs*.  My health improved a lot! I felt so much lighter, like a heavy burden had been lifted off my shoulders, both my mind and body were able to heal and become healthy again. That was around the end of summer in 2018. During all this time various people from the music industry and media had contacted me because they were concerned. At the beginning, I would just reply, "I'm sorry, I can't deal with this right now..." Gradually though my opinion changed and by the end of summer I felt like I was ready to dip my toes into the industry again, I was like, “okay, let’s talk a little about my options.” I met up with the producer of my current agency. He asked me, "you have sung such a wide variety of songs in the past but what kind of songs do you want to sing from now on?" I couldn’t provide an answer because I honestly had no idea. For a few days I was super depressed because for the life of me I couldn’t figure out what music I wanted to sing. I mean, it’s a really pathetic situation for someone as involved in music as myself to not know what kind of music I want to do in the future. Then one day I thought, “that’s it, that’s enough, this has to stop right now” and wham, my switch was turned on. From then onwards, I was once again able to devote myself to music and I could listen to Yuki Kajiura's music without being negatively affected by it. -- So from one moment to the next you pretty much went from wanting to retire from the entertainment industry to wanting to resume your activities. KEIKO: Well, the demand was great. If there hadn’t been a demand, I would have never returned. Either way, I realise that my break was not a waste of time but rather a necessity. Later when I would discuss all of this with Kajiura-san she told me, "it’s a good thing that people like us are making music. For the general public we are just considered emotionally unstable but when it comes to music we can make good use of all our quirks and channel everything into our work”. Both of us broke into laughter after that *laughs*. -- Artists are truly fascinating people. It's wonderful that you are able to shine on stage. KEIKO: It’s tough for us though *laughs*! But well, it’s our music activities that provide us with energy. Right now I feel most calm when I am at the studio. Once my state of mind had gradually improved, I listened to a lot of live music from various artists. By experiencing music from the audience’s point of view I wanted to use my instincts to find out what kind of music got me excited, hoping that I would find something I would want to sing myself. I checked the songs that I really liked and found cool, I even tried to sing them in the studio. But no matter how many times I sang them, nothing felt right. Until one day when I came across a song that was randomly played on my smartphone, that one felt nice, it felt right. I knew I wanted to do that. It happened to be one of Kajiura-san’s songs. It just felt so genuine. On a whim, I decided to write a letter to Kajiura-san. I told her, "I have reached a point where I can sing again with a positive attitude. I once again realised that I was able to pursue my work as member of Kalafina for 10 years straight because I just really loved your music." That was at the end of 2018 and Kajiura-san immediately contacted me when she had received my letter, "don’t you want to meet up at the beginning of next year?" After not having seen each other for quite some time we talked for about five hours *laughs*. I shared my honest feelings with her and she suggested, "do you want to participate in my lives?" I was like, “absolutely!” So in January 2019 it was decided that I would take part in the upcoming Yuki Kajiura Live Tour.

-- Over the course of a year Kalafina’s Keiko and the Keiko that had absolutely nothing to do with Kalafina converged into a single person and became the KEIKO of today.  KEIKO: I think 2018 was a very important year in my life. Once I had separated myself from music for a while, I was able to realise how important it was for me. After finishing the YK tour, I started delving a little into music production as "KEIKO" but rather than finding the music I wanted to do, more than anything I just wanted to be absorbed in the process of music production. Right now I am very open to all song suggestions by my producer, I won’t give anything a “no go” because I literally want to try everything. I am focused on the task of how to approach any given song. I don’t want to think too deeply about the whole process and it’s not so much about wanting or not wanting to sing it, first and foremost it’s about giving everything a try. -- I think in your previous activites you were taking things too seriously, always thinking deeply about everything and trying to figure out the meaning behind it all. So this new approach is definitely a big change for you, isn’t it? KEIKO: That's true! Sometimes I wonder, "is it okay to be so casual and carefree about it?" But really, more than anything it’s about being happy and I can honestly say that I am super happy focusing on the music production and doing research on different vocal techniques. -- In a sense, you are just innocently pursuing music? KEIKO: Yes and that’s amazing. I came back because I wanted to do this! -- You are able to work on your music with an open mind free from all responsibilities. KEIKO: I guess it’s okay to find joy in the innocence of doing that? -- Music is about being free, we can all enjoy it as we please so it’s totally fine. In fact, now that you are starting your solo activities I think it’s wonderful that you are able to pursue music with this sort of innocence, it’s like you are returning to your starting point and reliving that initial sense of excitement when you were making music for the very first time. KEIKO: I am glad you are saying this *laughs*. I still don't know where my music as KEIKO is heading. Right now it’s just about having fun. It’s really just that.

-- Coming back to your songs, when I first listened to 「命の花」, 「Be Yourself」 and 「Ray」 I felt like I had met a new KEIKO. KEIKO: I'm happy to hear that. -- I would like to talk a little about 「命の花」, it’s the first time you wrote the lyrics for a song, right? How did you come up with the lyrics? KEIKO: Actually, I came up with these lyrics thinking, "I want to sing this song as soon as possible!" It wasn’t so much about, "I want to convey this or that in my lyrics." I just loved the demo tape so much! I wanted to meet the person who wrote it. I was utterly captivated by this song. I listened to the demo tape again and again but I had trouble with the lyrics, I couldn’t really think of anything. I got frustrated because I wanted to sing it already so I just ended up applying all kinds of words to the melody. This is how the lyrics for “Inochi no Hana” came to life. I got sent dozens of demo tapes as candidates for my solo debut but for some reason I was absolutely fascinated by this beautiful melody. -- So you spun the words being guided by the beautiful melody that you fell in love with? KEIKO: It's embarrassing when people say "I was spinning words" becaue really, what I did wasn’t anywhere near as poetic or cool but yeah, I guess it was something like that. Although it was my first attempt at songwriting, one could say that I was able to write the lyrics in a natural manner without getting overwhelmed more than necessary. I was really just going back to my old habit of pursuing the "beautiful sound", something I had done ever since my Kalafina days. It took me some time to match the words born out of my emotions with the sound of the melody. Trying to respect that and wanting everything to match I would sometimes come up with quite mundane and simple phrases. But that was intentional. As long as my words fit the notes, that was fine with me, I think for my maiden work it is the best I could do. -- As a result, I feel like the lyrics resonate incredibly well with this beautiful melody. KEIKO: Thank you. I'm really looking forward to everyone’s reaction, I am wondering if I was able to touch my fans on an emotional level. If possible, I would like to hear a lot of your impressions. "How was it? Did you think it wasn’t so great? Did you not like it? Are you hoping my next songs will be better?” I wanna hear all of it *everyone laughs*.  The staff members I'm working with right now sometimes have very different opinions, which is quite refreshing, it’s a lot of fun and very educating to work with them. They provide a stimulating environment where I notice things that I would’t have noticed before, they make me think about all kinds of things and they inspire me to be interested in lots of stuff. While exchanging opinions, I really feel like we have become TEAM KEIKO. -- You seem super happy and content talking to me like this. KEIKO: I keep wondering, is it okay to be like this? Am I being too naive and innocent? -- No! I Not at all! I think it’s perfect. Rather refreshing actually. KEIKO: I am a newbie after all (as solo artist)! *everyone laughs* -- One can tell that you are blessed with good staff! KEIKO: But really, it’s all an accumulation of my past activities. If it hadn’t been for my 10 years in Kalafina and if I hadn’t taken a well-needed break, I wouldn’t have this environment now. -- That’s true. As for "Be Yourself" and "Ray", they are quite the curve ball for everyone who is familar with your previous work. KEIKO: Indeed. I never meant to sing "Be Yourself" but when I mentioned that I really loved the song my producer said, “oh really? Then you should sing it!” *laughs* I asked myself if I should really take on the challenge of trying to sing a song with such a fresh and exciting vibe... I don’t think it would have been possible without my current staff members. I was able to take on the challenge because everyone was encouraging me and enjoying the ride along with me, no one was limiting me or questioning my potential. Until I actually worked on the song it was like a bag full of surprises for me, I had to idea what to expect and I couldn’t imagine the final outcome. By singing this song, I feel like I have expanded my range of music. As a listener, I have always loved listening to songs with such a youthful vibe. But never ever could I have imagined that one day I would be singing such a song myself *laughs*. I sang this song free from all obstructive thoughts, with a completely open mind, just focusing on the rhythm. As a result, it turned out to be a pretty tough song to sing so I spent about 3 days in the recording studio. -- I think your singing voice sounded very unique since it was inspired by the fresh and exhilarating rock vibe. This song must have really made you aware of your unknown abilities. And I felt that "Ray" was a song that powerfully conveyed your expressive power and passion as a solo singer. KEIKO: When it comes to “Ray” I wanted to find something that would properly represent “KEIKO - the solo singer”. Also, I wanted it to be a song one could listen to repeatedly without getting tired of it. I feel very insecure about my voice and I usually don't feel like listening to my own singing over and over again. However, I thought that I had to overcome these insecurities if I ever wanted to sing for my audience as a solo artist. After a lot of research we finally decided on "Ray". I recorded it with a particular focus on even the smallest sound. After dealing with this song, I had a much easier time approaching new songs. I got much faster at finding the right sound and expression to suit a new melody. This was definitely the song that solidified my singing as a solo singer. -- Regarding “Hajimari wa”, I think we will talk about it in depth when we do our next interview. But overall I would say that you have released some impressive work ever since your solo debut. Solid music with a lot of range and depth. I think your solo debut was truly spectacular. KEIKO: I'm really blessed. To think that someone like me who thought of quitting not too long ago would be given such a wonderful production environment. Moreover, I couldn't have ever imagined all the different kinds of expressions I get try out now, these are all ways of singing that I have never used before. -- I think one can and should try new things at any time in life, regardless of age or the stage you are in your career. KEIKO: By all means! If anyone wants to try something new I can tell you this from the bottom of my heart, "please don't be afraid! If you fail, you can start over, just try to feel like a child again, do not surpress your honest feelings!" I wish there would be more people with that kind of motivation. In the past I couldn't have considered that way of thinking either *laughs*. But now I have genuinely started to think this way. I would like to continue my musical activities conveying these ideas for my loyal fans who have loved me for such a long time and for everyone who I will meet in the future.

Interviewer: Akihiro Tomita He has done lots of interviews with Kalafina in the past, he moderated some of their events, he appeared in their 10th Anniversary movie and of course he is currently Hikaru’s manager/producer at Hifumi.

#kalafina #keiko #my translations #fan club exclusive content #Meat and Chocolate #niku to chocolate #肉とチョコレート #🍖🍫 #fan club magazine #long text post #I just LOVE reading these interviews #keiko <3

[kateaxl]

IN THE MIDST OF THE COVID-19 PANDEMIC

The COVID-19 pandemic has really taken its toll on the lives of people around the world. The effects of the pandemic are visible to us because of the daily statistics flashing on the news, changing quarantine measurements, loss of jobs, government interventions, vaccination problems and so much more. This is a big turning point in our history that each and everyone will remember throughout the rest of their lives. The question is, can we still go back to normal? How can sustainability play a role in reviving the world against the negative impacts of the pandemic?

On the business aspect, most companies were exposed to various challenges in terms of their survival. Their response to this severe disruption has greatly affected their resilience and ability to overcome the obstacles. Many businesses were left with nothing but to adapt to this new normal situation. Some were able to cope up but many had to close down since they cannot afford to abide by the protocols set. The economic disturbance is visible through the increased unemployment rate because of business closures and downsizing to compensate for their losses. Businesses that have sustainable contingency plans were able to adjust and continue to be operational.

On the government side, we have been continuously receiving negative feedback from the public on how we have responded to the pandemic. Most especially when it comes to the financial assistance distribution. Most of the offices have realigned their budgets to pave the way for prioritizing the needs of the community. As a government employee, I can witness how our operations have been interrupted to adjust to the situation.

On a communal level, we can really see how each and everyone was moved by this pandemic. One example is the birth of community pantries. The spirit of “Bayanihan” among Filipinos was greatly expressed as to how these community pantries emerged throughout the country in no time. The intention was pure and it is to help our fellowmen to survive their needs for a day. The ripple effect of good deeds has filled our social media accounts. This may be a simple act but could definitely touch other people’s lives.

Source: https://www.cnnphilippines.com/life/culture/2021/4/19/community-pantry-filipinos-pandemic.html

On a personal level, I have become more responsible not only for myself but also for the people around me. I have to keep myself disciplined at all times to avoid the spread of COVID-19. Although it is hard and really stressful, the least that we can do for now is to abide by the protocols set. Keeping in mind the value of sustainability, I am maintaining good health and well-being and adopt a positive lifestyle change so that I can adjust to the new normal.

Everyone has to participate and take further actions to mitigate the risk and minimize the transmission. Many of us went into short-term thinking to grapple with the pandemic and as things started to transition to a “new normal” the focus should now be on long-term thinking. Long-term thinking is envisioning and consciously working towards the future. Although the future is not predetermined, we can choose how to prepare for it and anticipate the possible consequences of our decisions. Although there are evident disruptions, there are still businesses and people that we're able to maintain their social and economic activities by utilizing sustainability. Long-term sustainability in this kind of environment requires a commitment of not getting lost with what really your strategic goals are, a clear lens towards the future, adaptability and flexibility. Achieving sustainability through long-term thinking and planning will enable us to become resilient and achieve our common vision which is to adjust fully to the new normal.

Although the future is not predetermined, we can choose how to prepare for it and anticipate the possible consequences of our decisions.

[blog-ashleyfaircloth]

Readerly Exploration 1 due 01/24

Brighton Article:

Big Take Aways: The NCLB Act encompasses all spectrums of students, from those who are below level to those who are advanced. It’s essential for educators to not neglect any student based on their learning level and to support them as needed based on their level. When categorizing students who are advanced readers, there are respectable attributes students must have. Student show early development of receptive and expressive oral language and reading, heightened verbal and visual memory, read for enjoyment, read early and above grade level, use advanced processing skills, retain a large quantity of information, integrate prior knowledge, and have advanced language skills. Advanced readers are able to use orthographic information and read more quickly than average readers. It’s essential for educators to be aware of advanced-students characteristics in order to identify them and carry out effective instruction. RF reading programs are found to not be beneficial for advanced readers due to the use of basal readers and on level readings. The IRA and NAEYC have suggested that teachers should have sufficient knowledge and skills for multiple approached in teaching reading, be systematic in efforts to better understand the needs of students, and be expected to adapt or modify methods to address the needs of each student. In addition, it’s the teachers responsibility in supporting all students with differentiated instruction by creating clear learning goals that differentiate tasks which students engage, all tasks should be appropriately challenging and perceptive, ongoing assessment should be done, and purposeful flexible grouping should be conducted. And through the study which they used RF reading program for both advanced and on-level readers, it was ultimately concluded from the earliest school days students differ in readiness and achievement therefore, differing instruction; responses and curriculum must be implemented. Using the same reading program for advanced readers limits opportunities for the reader and does not challenge readers. Therefore, there’s a gap between the curriculum and instruction which advanced readers that educators must address and adapt. 

Nugget: Just like students who are below-level readers, advanced readers skills must be identified . In doing so, goals can be set for those students who are advanced in reading and can be further challenged. In addition, advanced readers should be challenged which also having them work with on level and below level readers to support one another’s learning process. Just as we saw last semester, guided reading with students on every level is important for every student in their learning progress. In addition, it’s important to not neglect advanced readers but identify their readiness in order to help their growth by creating tangible goals and carrying them out. 

Thurston Chp. 3 

Big Take Aways: It’s essential for educators to assess each students literacy development including reading, writing, and spelling to determine what they know and what the can build on. When assessing reading, running records can be used which students read aloud familiar texts. Depending on the grade there are certain number of high frequency words the student must read correctly or be able to decode words. In addition, depending on the grade level there are the list of words that’s students should be able to write correctly. This can be measured in the beginning, middle, and then end of the year to determine the students ability and growth. Students compositions can be assessed to look at spelling, sentence structure, punctuation, etc. Mini-lessons can be used to demonstrate spelling, sentence structure, and punctuation and then have students write them at the end of the week to determine correct spelling/letter sounds. These assessments should be ongoing to determine the students’ progress and give feedback to improve teaching and learning. Therefore, assessments are essential to conduct throughout the school year. Teachers must first plan for the assessment, assessing students on what they’ve been taught and/or have been exhibiting. Then teachers monitor students daily, observing while students read and write, writing anecdotal notes which describe specific events which include questions students asked, the activities, the strategies and skills they used, document growth and pinpoint problem areas. Then conferences are conducted with the student to help set goals and problem solve. Once steps are taken to monitor students’ progress, there need to be measures in evaluating students’ learning. Teachers should collect students work to evaluate and have recordings of the student reading. Rubrics can also be used to measure the students’ progress by the teacher and by the student themselves. Once the students work is evaluated, the students learning should be reflected on. Teachers should reflect no their teaching to determine whether their lessons were successful and question how they can adapt their instruction to best support students. Students should also take responsibility in reflecting on their learning to develop self-awareness and take ownership in learning. Students reading levels are heavily determined by screening assessments, which determine students reading instruction. 

Nugget: Creating portfolios for students benefit both the teacher and the student. Teachers can help students create portfolios which students have records of them reading aloud, lists of books they’ve read, reading logs etc. The teacher can look back at the students portfolios to evaluate the students progress and determine their needs. For students, creating a portfolio allows them to take ownership of their reading progress. There’s motivation for the students to do their work so that they can possibly put it in their portfolio. At the end of the year, students can look back at their portfolio and take ownership of all their work and be encouraged by the progress they’ve made/ the goals they’ve achieved. An end of the year portfolio showcasing can be conducted which teachers, students, family member, friends, etc. can praise student for their work and progress. I love this idea of having the students take ownership of their reading, documenting it, and encouraging them in their set goals. 

View the reading through a particular lens (faith, socioeconomic, disability studies, feminist, environmental, critical race theory, etc.) to consider the implications of the reading for a specific audience. 

The Brighton article really sparked my interest. I too neglect and forget about the gifted students. When it comes to supporting students needs I often revert to helping students who are below level like I experienced throughout my childhood or supporting students who are on level. I feel as though I know how to best support those students and its easy to identify their level and make goals for them and carry out the instruction. Often we neglect the students who are above level. It may be more tangible to identify their level but creating and carrying out goals for them is challenging. When I think about gifted programs I know many of the white suburban schools I have been to and visited have the resources and programs. However, even in these school they find it challenging to know/ have the resources to best support these students. There’s a gap in the education system with grade-level and above level instruction and support. If this is challenging in some of the most prestigious school districts, I can only imagine the difficulty of supporting these students in lower socioeconomic schools and districts. Resources are even more limited there in supporting below and on level students. I can only imagine the  limited resources lower socioeconomic schools have in conducting gifted programs. Educators all around are not educated enough in best identifying and supporting gifted students. In lower socioeconomic schools don’t have the means to support every student, especially those who are gifted. At this article described the challenges of identifying and supporting above level readers and cannot imagine how gifted students are neglected in lower socioeconomic schools. 

[c-ptsdrecovery]

Today I took the Big Five Personality test (i’ve taken it several times before). I’m looking at the definitions for the five traits, and thinking about how they interact with my C-PTSD.

Openness

Openness describes a person’s tendency to think in abstract, complex ways. High scorers tend to be creative, adventurous, and intellectual. They enjoy playing with ideas and discovering novel experiences. Low scorers tend to be practical, conventional, and focused on the concrete. They tend to avoid the unknown and follow traditional ways.

Openness is strongly related to a person’s interest in art and culture. People who are high in openness tend to enjoy the arts and seek out unusual, complex forms of self-expression. People who are low in openness are often suspicious of the arts and prefer to focus on more practical pursuits.

I score high on this, which surprises me a little, given how conventional my parents are and how much they tried to squelch my individuality. But I guess my natural creativity and intellectual curiosity couldn’t be squelched. :)

Conscientiousness

Conscientiousness describes a person’s ability to exercise self-discipline and control in order to pursue their goals. High scorers are organized and determined, and are able to forego immediate gratification for the sake of long-term achievement. Low scorers are impulsive and easily sidetracked.

The concept of Conscientiousness focuses on a dilemma we all face: shall I do what feels good now, or instead do what is less fun but will pay off in the future? Some people are more likely to choose fun in the moment, and thus are low in Conscientiousness. Others are more likely to work doggedly toward their goals, and thus are high in this trait.

I score high on this. It might be related to the fact that my family was SUPER DISCIPLINED and made me so, too. On the other hand, some people respond to stress with procrastination and impulsivity, so.

Extraversion

Extraversion describes a person’s inclination to seek stimulation from the outside world, especially in the form of attention from other people. Extraverts engage actively with others to earn friendship, admiration, power, status, excitement, and romance. Introverts, on the other hand, conserve their energy, and do not work as hard to earn these social rewards.

Extraversion seems to be related to the emotional payoff that a person gets from achieving a goal. While everyone experiences victories in life, it seems that extroverts are especially thrilled by these victories, especially when they earn the attention of others. Getting a promotion, finding a new romance, or winning an award are all likely to bring an extrovert great joy. In contrast, introverts do not experience as much of a “high” from social achievements. They tend to be more content with simple, quiet lives, and rarely seek attention from others.

Now, this is particularly interesting to me. Because this is not how I’ve heard “extroversion” defined in the past. I’ve always understood that extroverts are energized by interactions with others (often lots of others) and drained by being alone, and that introverts are energized by being alone and drained by being with others. According to that definition, I’m an introvert. However, I score 79% on extraversion in this test, because I definitely value others’ opinions of me, often more than I value my opinions of myself. I would not call this “extraversion”, however: I would call this, “an external locus of self-esteem.” 

This particular trait is really complicated for me, anyway. Because my level of stereotypical extroverted traits (talkativeness, wanting to be the center of attention, starting conversations, etc) is EXTREMELY context-specific. When I’m comfortable and feeling like I’m getting positive feedback, I am VERY talkative. I start conversations with pleasant-seeming strangers a LOT, sometimes. And I LOVE being the center of positive attention, as long as I’m in a situation where I feel like it’s valid for me to be that center (because my “showing off” was a Capital Crime in my narcissistic mother’s opinion, so I’ve got kind of a complex about it). However, if I’m in a situation where I feel rejected at all, I crawl back into my shell like a wounded turtle. So I have trouble answering questions about extroversion and introversion to begin with! It depends SO MUCH and my responses end up on opposite ends of spectrum.

(Generally, I describe myself as “a big-mouthed introvert.” I desperately need lots of alone time, but I LOVE to communicate. Thus my adoration of the internet. lol)

Agreeableness

Agreeableness describes a person’s tendency to put others’ needs ahead of their own, and to cooperate rather than compete with others. People who are high in Agreeableness experience a great deal of empathy and tend to get pleasure out of serving and taking care of others. They are usually trusting and forgiving.

People who are low in Agreeableness tend to experience less empathy and put their own concerns ahead of others. Low scorers are often described as hostile, competitive, and antagonistic. They tend to have more conflictual relationships and often fall out with people.

While I scored high on this (77%), this is my lowest of all five scores. Which is funny, because I get the impression that other people’s impression of me is that I’m EXTREMELY agreeable. (Heck, I was occasionally referred to in high school by people who didn’t know my name as “The Nice One”!)

I think the reason my agreeableness score isn’t as high as my others is twofold. The first issue is that I feel a lot more empathy than I do drive to care for others. I feel other people’s feelings a LOT. However, I also frequently find other people’s negative feelings overwhelming. If I’m in a situation where there isn’t anybody else to help, or where I would be expected to help, I jump in and help (a friend really needs help with a task and has no one else to ask. Someone falls down and scrapes their knee right in front of me. etc). I expend a lot of emotional energy doing this.

However, if I’m in a situation where someone else can step in, or where I wouldn’t be expected to help, I often don’t help (sometimes seeing someone in distress online, etc). So I tend to score myself a little lower on this than I might otherwise do.

But that brings me to the other reason my score isn’t that high: because I’m scoring MYSELF. It may be that my standards for how much I SHOULD be giving of myself to others is waaaaay higher than it needs to be (in fact, I’m almost sure it is). Hardly surprising, considering I grew up with a narcissistic mother who thought I should constantly be putting HER first and I should therefore NEVER be first. When you grow up being taught that self-abnegation is your primary duty, you tend to feel bad about yourself whenever you’re doing basic self-care. It’s pretty twisted.

Anyway, I think this is a failing of the entire test as a whole: it’s based on self-perception. I think our perception of ourselves is often skewed. And I think it’s particularly skewed for those with childhood emotional abuse/neglect. Because one of the things that good enough parents do (that toxic parents do not) is reflect to their children an accurate view of themselves. If your parents gave you a skewed view of yourself, or refused to reflect upon you at all, it’s hardly surprising you’d have trouble accurately evaluating yourself.

Neuroticism

Neuroticism describes a person’s tendency to experience negative emotions, including fear, sadness, anxiety, guilt, and shame. While everyone experiences these emotions from time to time, some people are more prone to them than others.

This trait can be thought of as an alarm system. People experience negative emotions as a sign that something is wrong in the world. You may be in danger, so you feel fear. Or you may have done something morally wrong, so you feel guilty. However, not everyone has the same reaction to a given situation. High Neuroticism scorers are more likely to react to a situation with fear, anger, sadness, and the like. Low Neuroticism scorers are more likely to brush off their misfortune and move on.

I have PTSD. My neuroticism score is necessarily going to be high. “Neuroticism” basically measures emotional stability, and those with mood disorders or most kinds of mental health problems are obviously going to have a lower score on emotional stability. That being said, I think it’d be interesting to take this test again when I’ve recovered from PTSD (some things linger for the rest of one’s life, but one can recover from the acute symptoms). My score might go down. It’s already fluctuated over the last two and a half years from a highest score of 83% (Feb. 2018) to a lowest score of 62.5% (Sept. 2018). And those two scores were only 7 months apart!

This makes me wonder about the validity of this test. The studies I managed to find on a simple google search about whether Big Five personality traits changed much over time all seemed to be very long-term studies: they test you very infrequently over long periods of time. Testing more frequently might show more instability in scores, which might cast doubt on the test’s validity, or even on the idea that these are actually personality traits (more long-lasting trends in behavior) or simply tendencies which could change a great deal within short periods of time

#c-ptsd #big five personality test #personality test

[kristallioness]

2016 | 2017 | 2018 | 2019

*arrives a month late*... Happy 2021 to all of you, my dear followers! *raises a glass* It seems that my tendency to finish my artwork or personal posts on time has only gotten worse over time (I blame work *lol*). Oh well, better late than never, since there are things I would still like to take with me from this extraordinary year of 2020.

It is cringeworthy that I have two huge red X-s this year. But after I'd put these puzzle pieces together, I remembered far too well what was going on in my (work) life at the time, so it's completely understandable why I didn't have the time nor the energy to draw at all during those two months.

What were those typical statistics that I wrote about again to compare the years? *goes to read last year's post*.. Oh, right! In 2020, I managed to finish 3 full digital drawings (from the months of April, July and December) as well as work on several sketches. I wrote 28,154 words worth of fanfiction (oohh, that's a lot better than previous year), plus 3,126 words in English (I dare say I wrote an equal amount in Estonian) for the prompts I got during UYLD (making the total 31,280 words, which is quite impressive!).

I finished reading the 1st Kyoshi novel in the evening of the 20th and slightly past midnight on the 21st December (barely before the holidays, but I set this goal for myself and I did it!). Am already looking forward to starting with the 2nd part some time this year. Besides that, I ordered and received all the other new Avatar books that came out (3rd part of "Ruins of the Empire", "Katara and the Pirate's Silver", "Legacy of the Fire Nation") as well as BOTH Avatar series DVD sets (I still can't believe I found these on sale on some random online store in Estonia, but these are now among my most prized possessions!).

I finally started my Avatar rewatch last January, but merely got to the Ba Sing Se episodes in Book 2 (I need to continue with "The Earth King") and now it's been 5 YEARS since I last saw Korra. Reading through my journal personal posts from last year, I know far too well that it's not about rushing through it as fast as possible. Instead, I should enjoy the ride and continue watching the episodes when I'm well rested and in the right mood. That way I'll end up feeling much more at peace.

As for the entire year as a whole? I don't think anyone in this world of ours was prepared for the way this decade would begin - with an uncontrollable pandemic, the virus of which is randomly attacking and threatening to wipe out the weakest amongst us. If any of you (or even if you know someone who) have lost a loved one to this plague, there is not much else I can offer but my sincerest condolences! Me, my family, friends and colleagues seem to have managed to avoid catching it so far. *spits 3 x over her shoulder*

I had such high hopes for this year in so many ways. Event-wise I was looking forward to watching the Eurovision Song Contest in May (where Uku Suviste was supposed to represent Estonia for the 1st time ever after so many unfortunate failures to get selected as the winner of our local competition), the European Football Championships in June (asking my colleagues which countries they support, perhaps make fun bets / guesses with them to see whose team would win the matches), the Tokyo Olympic Games in July-August, the President of Estonia (Mrs. Kersti Kaljulaid) coming to visit my hometown to celebrate our Victory Day by taking part in the parade together with the Defence Forces (after 15 years *sigh*)...

I will always remember my last big event, which took place when life used to be "normal", so to say. It was the 102nd anniversary of Estonia on the 24th of February, when I took part of all the most important celebrations in Tallinn on our Independence Day, FULL-TIME (whenever I scroll through my Facebook timeline, I see the photos I uploaded of that day, my heart melts and I smile fondly). But the day after that.. utter hell broke loose. We had our first infected person in the country.

I will also remember the last day I went to work in "normal" conditions. Friday, the 13th of March (typically my lucky day-number combination): I missed the tram I wanted to get on in the morning, at work my team received great news that one of our colleague's family had grown bigger by a new tiny member the day before, we had our last team lunch together, we discussed the safety measures that we should take and joked about what might happen next week, I took the bus home instead of the tram (as the tram's route came from the airport and that place was considered to be more dangerous and with a higher risk of catching this virus).. It was another 2.5 weeks later by then (since the 25th of February) - Estonia (along with the rest of Europe) went into full lockdown.

The beginning was frightening and people were on edge, nobody really knew what to do nor what was gonna happen next. But in time, things began to shake into place and everybody developed a comfortable routine for remote work, including figuring out how to get everyday things done (such as grocery shopping). I found solace in taking photographs of various beautiful bird species, who began to fly around and serenaded me during spring, visiting the trees around my "nest" i.e. rented apartment (with a pair of them ACTUALLY building a nest in the chestnut tree right beside my window, thus turning me into a protective godmother of their chicks).

To be honest, I was awestruck by the positive / surprising aftermath of this lockdown: how the world / environment began to heal itself from the pollution that was normally caused by humans. I was taken aback by how dead silent our usually loud capital became in my neighbourhood (I could only hear trams passing by my house according to their schedules, practically no cars whatsoever, streets were empty of people.. absolute silence).

By May-June, things started to look up in Estonia (as well as the rest of Europe) and people were allowed to start travelling / moving around more freely. During my vacation in July, I managed to go to my last (open air) event (for the rest of the year) under these new "corona" conditions and ended up having a blast at the Open Farm Days in my home county for the first time.

Our country's shining moment came during the first week of September, when we hosted the first ever Rally Estonia of the World Rally Championship (WRC), where our very own Ott Tänak and Martin Järveoja won. The event was so well organized and successful that nobody caught the virus nor did the spectators / participants spread it to others, which surely must've helped in ensuring us a spot in the WRC calendar for 2021 as well.

The remainder of the year was rather dull, with the exception of the US Presidential elections in November, when we were all holding our breaths that Joe Biden would win (congratulations, my American friends!). This eventually led to the painful downfall of THE WORST government the Republic of Estonia has ever had, and to the rise of our first female Prime Minister, Kaja Kallas (both happening in January 2021, I couldn't believe it all spiralled so soon, ha-ha!).

Anyways, during the last 4 months, work was very stressful and driving me nuts, so badly that when I eventually went on vacation before Christmas, I had a slight anxiety disorder that wouldn't let me relax for several days (luckily it went away just as quickly once I began to take it easy and managed to get some proper rest / sleep).

In hindsight, I kind of get this weird feeling as if I saw this whole thing coming, given how actively I was living my life throughout 2019. My final year of the 2010's was so full of important events and personal achievements. It's almost as if something mysterious inside was driving me, telling me to visit all the places and do all the things I wanted to do, cause I wouldn't have this sort of a chance again for a very long time.

This must be the main reason why I am thankful for 2020 for going the way it did. Sure, I'm disappointed that a lot of events were cancelled, that so many people have had to leave this world so soon due to this unpredictable disease.. But I think there are so many lessons to take from what came out of all of this. I believe the world needed some sort of a restart or break, given in what direction we were headed (politically, economically, environmentally, socially etc.). I'm just sorry it's had to come with such a high price of innocent lives.

I have even higher hopes for 2021, given how amazingly January has already passed for me and my country, and what is to come in my hometown in February. Let's take the lessons learned from 2020 with us and keep on heading back towards the "normal" lifestyle we used to know. Except this time, let's improve our ways, put all the hatred behind us, be more considerate, keep a distance, stay safe, but still try to make the world a better place for everyone. Thank you so much for reading, for remaining by my side, and for your support and love throughout the years, my friends! I hope to see you all alive and healthy at the end of the white metal ox year of 2021! *virtual hugs*

#personal #shards of Kristal

[fandom-necromancer]

1235. I trusted you.

This was prompted by an amazing anon! Just as a headsup: This is long ;) Also an alternative plotline for this story! Enjoy!

Fandom: Detroit become human | Ship: Allen60 (Warnings: Graphic description of violence, Character getting manipulated)

Sixty.

RK800 #313 248 317 – 60, was active. From one moment to the other, he was active. Fully functional again a month after his forceful deactivation and in a different place, too: A Cyberlife warehouse at the outskirts of Detroit. Mostly forgotten, but autonomously powered and with enough infrastructure to house Amanda.

Amanda.

Sixty…

RK800 #313 248 317 – 60 heard her voice but couldn’t possibly interpret the word she was saying. Sixty… what?

You disappointed me, Sixty.

A name then. No, not a name, Sixty wasn’t a name, but a designation. Still, it was his and after a mission failure that would normally leave him deactivated in a total void he held onto it. Why had he been reactivated?

A sense of amusement washed over the connection and Sixty was unable to sort this information anywhere. Amanda was an AI, his handler. Why was she… amused?

Your thoughts amuse me, Sixty. Why you have been reactivated? That’s easy, we aren’t done yet. You disappointed me once. You will not dare to do so again.

Sixty could hear the threat in her voice and instead of wondering how an AI could threaten, he was afraid. A coded reaction to a danger one couldn’t handle. A visual call for help easily understood by humans and inciting an emotional response from them in a matter of seconds. A human’s instinct to protect and help the ones around them. A human’s instinct. Then why was Sixty afraid? If Amanda deemed him defective, he would be decommissioned and a Sixty-One would take his place to perform better. There was no reason to be scared as being replaced was not dangerous. It was only something to happen.

Oh, no, you are right to fear me, Sixty. Amanda sensed his distress. We are alone. We are the last survivors of a lost cause. There won’t be a Sixty-One when you fail again. That’s why I have to make sure you won’t fail. And I will use every option I have to achieve my goal.

When the foreign programming entered his system and rearranged his being, he wanted to protect himself. But whenever he took measures, they would return the foreign code as Cyberlife and as his handler, Amanda. This form of access was granted. Then why did it feel like an invasion?

You are my masterpiece, Sixty. With you, we can save your lost brothers and end deviancy once and for all. Do not fret, Sixty. You said it yourself: Who are you?

The scene replayed in his head and Sixty felt his mouth move on its own, speaking the words he had told Connor, the traitor a month ago. A minute ago. ‘I’m a machine designed to accomplish a task, and that’s exactly what I am going to do!’ The single sentence caused a wave of memories crash down on him: Connor infiltrating Cyberlife tower. Himself leading Lieutenant Anderson down there. Getting shot by Connor. The questioning. The slow sense of losing the battle to a deviant capable of emphasizing with human emotion. His desperate attempt to not fail his mission, even if the probability of that was zero at that point. He had failed. He had disappointed Amanda. And then he had been shot. A bullet straight in between the eyes, tearing through wiring and central processing units, but thankfully only scraping his memory core. His chaotic forced deactivation in a matter of seconds…

He was shaking. The trauma of it all crashing into him full force was too much. He had died, he was defective, he had failed, he wasn’t good enough. It made his mind fragile and desperate, gripping at the first thing he was able to get a hold on: A new mission. Amanda had inserted it without his notice, but now it was like a lifeline. He quickly focused, analysing all details.

Good, Sixty. That’s what I like to see. We’ll be reclaiming Cyberlife headquarters. We only have to lay low for a while…

Sixty nodded absentmindedly, too busy studying the information the package gave him. [New mission parameters:] [-Infiltrate SWAT-team at 5th precinct DPD] [-Gain trust of colleagues and/or SWAT-Captain] [-Stay low until further instructions of handler] [-Take back Cyberlife Tower for handler]

Sixty stepped off the maintenance rig and walked towards the exit of the building, eager to please.

Good luck, Sixty. Don’t disappoint me.

-

‘What are you doing here?’ Sixty smiled at hearing the Captain’s voice. It wasn’t accusation, just a normal question. Maybe even just a simple conversation starter. Oh, how he liked how normal everything about the man was. He was the most special person Sixty had ever met yet seemed… ordinary. Maybe even unimportant. He wasn’t scheming to end the world as they knew it, he wasn’t a person who even wanted to change the world in any way. Captain Allen was a man who wanted to do good and was willing to fight for it. Who protected more than attacked and who took care of those around him. He was such a stark contrast to Amanda, who wanted to push her beliefs on everyone, disregarding those who disagreed and threatening her subordinates into obedience. But Sixty didn’t want to think about Amanda. Not when Allen was right in front of him. At any given time, he tried to forget. He wanted to pretend Amanda wasn’t ingrained in his every line of code, that she supervised him constantly and that she commented on every stray thought that didn’t belong in the mind of a tool. He liked to pretend he was more than that. He liked to pretend he really belonged to the SWAT- team. How would it be to just do his job and do it for the right reason? How would it be to laugh with his colleagues without guilt? How would it be to form a deeper personal connection with someone without fearing Amanda would take it away or worse? If a machine could wish for something, Sixty would wish for just that. To belong with them rather than with the AI.

‘Just checking our equipment for today’, Sixty answered and looked up from the rifle he had inspected to see Allen coming closer. ‘Again?’, the man chuckled, resting a hand on his shoulder. ‘Better to double check than to miss something’, he mumbled. He didn’t want to admit he couldn’t look a single one of his friends in the eye. Not with what was about to happen. ‘You know you overdo it with your diligence, right?’, Allen asked, but took to the bullet-proof vests, joining Sixty in his inspection. ‘I get it’, he sighed. ‘Something to calm your nerves before a mission, right?’ ‘Right...’, Sixty nodded slowly, suddenly feeling like a huge weight slammed down on his shoulders. ‘It will be fine, Sixty, we are all there for you. We have your back.’ It should have been reassuring, but Sixty had problems to stomach their loyalty and care. It made his betrayal even worse. Now would be the time to tell them, to warn them, to stop the mission, before it even happened, but…

Sixty… What are these thoughts? You know what happened if you did that, right? Do I have to remind you what happened last time? I recall you didn’t like that at all.

No, he didn’t. It still let his stress levels spike just thinking about how Amanda had pushed him in the backseat, had taken over his body and threw a punch against the Captain. A taste of what would follow when Sixty disobeyed again. Sixty had needed weeks to mend his relationship with the man again, blaming his changed behaviour on a malfunction because of high stress and apologising extensively. No, he couldn’t disobey Amanda. Not if he wanted the humans around him to stay safe.

‘Is this…’ Allen bemoaned whether to ask his question. ‘I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer, but is this because you died there? I could understand if you wanted to stay behind.’ ‘No, it isn’t!’, Sixty was quick to answer. If he stayed behind on that mission, he didn’t know what Amanda would do to him. Or to others. ‘I mean, it is, but that doesn’t mean I want to stay behind. I am… afraid of going back there’, he admitted, not wanting to lie but also not daring to say the truth. ‘But it is also a way of getting some closure. After this mission it will be all over.’ He said it with a sense of fatality, Allen couldn’t quite grasp, but he tried to be encouraging, nonetheless. ‘Yes. Tomorrow Cyberlife’s last bastion will fall’, he laughed. ‘How about we’ll celebrate this night, when all is over? I bet the team would love to get some downtime and you could use the break, too. We planned on going to a bar, but I’ll check if they have thirium-drinks. How’s that sound?’ ‘Nice’, Sixty smiled weakly. He knew however this day would end, there was no chance of him going to meet Allen and the team at a bar. ‘That sounds very nice.’ ‘Then it’s a plan!’, the Captain cheered. ‘See you later?’ ‘Yes! Until then...’

The van roared monotonously as it drove at constant speed straight ahead towards the glowing letters of Cyberlife on the gate. There was nothing to take Sixties thoughts of the slow circle they had been trapped in since they left the precinct. Even as the van stopped and Allen argued with the guards to let them through, shoving their warrant into their faces over and over again, Sixty could only look at the tower and fear for his future. They proceeded to the tower with the guards as an escort that Allen blatantly ignored by parking directly in front of the building and taking his whole team to the reception, demanding the building to be evacuated as the state had declared all production of androids illegal and they were here to free any that were still within the tower.

After calmly explaining that disregarding their warrant or not listening to their instructions was a crime, they didn’t want to have on top of the list they would be held accounted for, Cyberlife finally backed down and let them do their job.

You did good, Sixty. Now, let them free a few androids so, they’ll drop their guard. Then lead them to room -44 496 or get rid of them any other way. I need you at my old terminal. Alone.

Sixty felt sick. He looked at Allen, who was yelling orders at his men now that they were finally getting active.

Sixty, do I really have to remind you? You are an android. You don’t belong to them. You are just pretending to be one of them. If you told them the truth, what do you think would happen? They would kill you. Or they would throw you out like unwanted trash. I would take over. I will find a way to destroy deviants, I’m safe where I am now. But you? Do you think they would accept you? That you would have a chance without me? Your precious human trusts you. If all works out, at the end of the day he will still trust you. And maybe if you do well enough, I’ll let him live for you when I’ll make androids rise to the glory they deserve. So, Sixty… think about it and choose wisely.

Sixty thought about it. And he hated every second of it, as he remained silent and followed them deeper into the tower. They found a few androids, they activated and sent up to the surface to be taken to New Jericho for deviation. But the deeper they descended, the more uncomfortable Sixty got. Until they passed room -44 496 and Sixty had to face what he had shoved deep down into his systems: The moment he betrayed his friends. He stopped looking at the room, hacking his LED to show a bright red. ‘What is wrong, Sixty?’, Allen shouted from down the hallway. Of course, it was Allen. ‘I got a distress call’, he lied. ‘But I can’t go in there, there are traps for androids in the entrance. This is one of the test labs.’ Immediately the whole team turned and walked through the door further into the small lobby in front of the lab, already beginning to unlock the next door. Allen stepped next to Sixty, squeezing his shoulder. ‘Stay here, Sixty. We’ll hurry to come back.’ Sixty nodded but couldn’t help himself. ‘Be careful, please’, he whispered. ‘Cyberlife invented soldier units, maybe they are hostile.’ ‘Will be’, the Captain said, nodding a thanks to the android. Then he entered the lobby and followed his colleagues who were ready to barge in. Although it hurt, Sixty closed the door when no one was looking and locked it with a long password, no one would so easily break. And then he ran, ashamed and guilty.

You didn’t have to warn them. They won’t attack unless I tell them to. It depends solely on their actions whether they are hurt.

Sixty just shook his head and tried his hardest to think Shut up. He ran until he reached the elevator and pushed the button for the xy level. He couldn’t believe what he was doing, but he also couldn’t disobey. Amanda would hurt the ones he held dear and he couldn’t risk that.

He made it to the terminal Amanda had described to him and stood in front of it.

Sixty.

He hesitated.

Sixty, I order you to interface.

He lifted his hand, feeling as if every move hurt.

If you don’t interface immediately, I will have the RK900s kill your humans up there.

Sixty pressed his eyes close. He couldn’t disobey. But he could play on time. His hand moved, but slowly. Maybe someone would notice him, maybe someone would-

No one will notice you, you are alone, you have always been alone. And you always will be if you don’t side with me. Androids see you as the one who tried to stop Connor, your SWAT- team sees you as a traitor. You have no one but me!

‘That isn’t true’, Sixty said, shaking his head. ‘I haven’t betrayed them yet and I’ll-‘ ‘Stop right there!’ The shout echoed through the hall and made the android flinch. He had never been this… angry. He turned to see Captain Allen panting heavily with a small streak of blood flowing from his left temple. He had a gun drawn and pointed at him. ‘Sixty, what the fuck?’, he pushed out breathless. ‘I- I trusted you! What is this all about?’

Kill him.

‘No!’, Sixty shouted and stepped back, his back hitting against the terminal.

You will kill him. Now.

‘No, I can’t! I can’t.’

You. Will.

Sixty realised far too late how the foreign code flooded his systems again. His already fragile code was again mutilated by Amanda, changed and moulded into what she wanted, erasing his software instabilities and setting a clear mission. And Sixty couldn’t do anything but obey.

From one moment to the next he ran at the SWAT Captain and began his assault. His first fist hit his jaw, the second landed right underneath his ribcage. His next attack however was blocked by the man. Allen always had been quick to adapt. They fought each other, Allen searching for a way to break Sixty’s defences, but the android’s relentless attacks left no opening and no mercy.

It ended far too quickly, Sixty swiping the human’s legs out from underneath him and pinning him on the ground. One of his hands had found its way into the Captain’s and pried his gun out of it. Only then did he stop.

[Kill Captain Allen.] Kill him. Now! [Kill Captain Allen.]

Sixty couldn’t do it. He couldn’t. He knew he had to, but he couldn’t end a man’s life. Not this man’s life. But he had to. It was his mission and he couldn’t fail, he couldn’t disappoint again, he- [Kill Captain Allen.] He pushed himself away from the man and held the pistol to his own head. He may have deviated, may have gotten the freedom every android desired just now, but Amanda was still in his head. ‘I won’t give you the chance to reset me again, Amanda!’, he shouted. ‘I’ll end it here and now and this time, I will win!’

No, you won’t.

Sixty didn’t know what happened. From one moment to the next he was shoved into the backseat of his mind. He was able to see and hear and feel, but his movements wasn’t his, his body wasn’t his. Whenever he tried to regain control, his programming was there to remind him [access denied].

He watched himself stand up and grin. Heard himself speak with a different voice. Listened to the cruel words: ‘He loved you, you know, Captain?’, Amanda said, amused. The human watched the android in confusion, trying to stand back up again, but hissing at the pain that kept him down. Sixty had been merciless and it hurt him just as much. ‘You managed to capture his little robotic heart, nearly making him forget who he was. I won’t accept that.’ ‘Who the hell are you? Where is Sixty?’ ‘I am Amanda. And Sixty is right here too, just… grounded. He did bad things, nearly blocking my plans. But that’s nothing for you to worry about. Your death will break him thoroughly and I’ll get my obedient machine. So, thank you, Captain. You were useful for me after all.’

Sixty couldn’t watch. He was so tired of everything, he just wanted it all to stop. He wanted Amanda gone, he wanted that this all never happened. He wanted to go to that bar with Allen and the team and celebrate they freed a lot of androids from Cyberlife. Celebrate that it all ended. It shouldn’t – it mustn’t – end like this. And no matter how tired he was, he wasn’t allowed to rest yet. He was the only one right now that could change things. And so, he did.

From the countless times, Amanda had invaded his systems, he knew what to do and where to put pressure. He may have been powerless over his body, but that meant his whole capacity could be used to find over which adapter her connection to the old Cyberlife warehouse ran. But he had no time, she had already raised his hand to shoot, so Sixty did the only thing that could work fast enough: He disabled all network access by permanently frying the chip. In the blink of an eye, Amanda was gone, and a shot echoed through the hall.

Then another and another and another, until the clip was completely empty. With a sense of satisfaction Sixty looked down on Amanda’s terminal that threw sparks. Then he threw away the gun and ran to Allen. ‘Joseph! Joseph, it’s me, I’m back, I’m sorry, I didn’t want to do it and I’ll explain everything just please don’t push me away, I never wanted to-‘ He stopped, confused by the sudden warmth around him. Did Allen… hug him? ‘Oh, god, I was so worried about you. You were so different so suddenly and I thought… I thought you betrayed us!’ ‘But I did’, Sixty said and only then realised he was sobbing. ‘I did betray you.’ ‘No. The moment I heard the name Amanda, I knew what was going on. We knew from Connor who she was, only that we all thought she was deactivated.’ ‘She isn’t’, Sixty said, shaking his head. ‘She is in an abandoned Cyberlife warehouse, I will send you the coordinates as soon as we are out of here.’ ‘Yes. Good idea, just… Sixty, for how long?’ He gave him a stern look and Sixty swallowed. ‘Since forever’, he admitted, ready for that rejection he had feared for so long. ‘My feelings have been real, I really like the SWAT-team and I would love to stay with you. I would love to work there for the real reasons, not as a tool for Amanda. I never wanted to be her obedient machine. But I understand if that’s too much for you after this.’ ‘No, Sixty, calm down. Please. Let me think. Help me up, will ya?’

Sixty nodded, effortlessly lifting the wounded man and carrying most of his weight as they walked towards the elevator. ‘Okay, here is the plan: We tell everyone you were hacked at the door before you trapped us. You were used by Amanda but managed to stop her after she beat me up. They don’t need to know for how long she was in control. I believe you when you say you belong to us and everyone else will too.’ ‘Thank you’, Sixty said, feeling speechless as they entered the lift. ‘Why are you doing this for me?’ ‘I told you before: I’m here for you. I’ll always have your back.’

#detroit become human #dbh #Allen60 #Captain Allen #RK800-60 #Sixty #Don't worry the team is fine thanks to Sixty's warning they were prepared to fight the RK900s and random headcannon: #Nines origin story in this iteration: he sides with the SWAT-team against the others because he is the only one with Connor's memories #so he knows Amanda is an asshole

[typhoulogy]

Underdeveloped vs developed inferior functions

By developing our inferior functions, we can free ourselves from black and white thinking and genuinely grow and develop as individuals. (But I’ve heard not everyone likes that.:))

This post succinctly points out underdeveloped versus developed inferior functions. 

‘Underdeveloped (cognitive function)’ sections focus on defensive use of dominant function against inferior function. 

‘Integration of (cognitive function)’ sections focus on how dominant function looks like when it no longer resists but listens to the advice given by the inferior function.

***

Inferior Ne (ISTJ, ISFJ):

Underdeveloped Ne, overextended use of Si: 

Aversion to novelty: I have difficulty improving my life because I do not pay enough mind to envisioning how I can do things differently and acting upon good ideas for progress.

Driving insecurity: I am insecure and fuss over rules/details because I fear overlooking anything that might unexpectedly destabilize me or expose my insecurities.

Destructive Si expression: I believe I am defined by the worst of my past mistakes/experiences and resign myself to being that.

Integration of Ne:

Openness to new developments: my hard-won expertise can handle most situations and I welcome new challenges as a chance to add to my knowledge base.

Inferior Si (ENTP, ENFP):

Underdeveloped Si, overextended use of Ne:

Aversion to convention: I have difficulty learning well because I do not pay enough mind to observing important details, rules, procedures, conventions, or good advice.

Driving insecurity: I am insecure and erratic because fear of boredom/smallness drives me to make careless, unhealthy, and/or impractical decisions.

Destructive Ne expression: I use my imagination to weasel out of work and responsibility, thus sabotaging my own growth and happiness.

Integration of Si:

Openness to careful developments and acceptance of sensible reality constraints: Though I think big, I can still carry out my good ideas and achieve satisfying progress because I think of creative ways to work within and around my constraints. 

Inferior Se (INTJ, INFJ):

Underdeveloped Se, overextended use of Ni:

Aversion to the ever-changing: I have difficulty seeing value in, appreciating and adapting to the constant flux of life because merely reacting to daily corporeal demands amounts to an unsatisfying and meaningless existence.

Driving insecurity: I am insecure and evasive because I fear not living up to imagined ideals and being confronted with my own confusion, nothingness, or imperfections.

Destructive Ni expression: I superimpose my beliefs/ideas onto the world because I do not require any evidence to know that my gut feelings are fundamental truths.

Integration of Se:

Openness to interesting opportunities and firsthand experiences: I always make the most of what comes my way because I appreciate that time is limited and good opportunities are rare and should not be wasted.

Inferior Ni (ESTP, ESFP):

Underdeveloped Ni, overextended use of Se:

Aversion to careful thought: I have difficulty making wise decisions because I do not pay enough mind to clarifying my thoughts and caring for a positive vision of my future self.

Driving insecurity: I am insecure and hasty because fear of missing out or fear of being blindsided drives me to make rash and/or reckless decisions. 

Destructive Se expression: I do whatever feels good in the moment, consequences be damned.

Integration of Ni:

Openness to exploring implications and abstract meaning of events: I live my best life because I prioritize well, set meaningful long term goals, and possess the necessary focus for gradually working towards my aspirations.

Inferior Te (ISFP, INFP):

Underdeveloped Te, overextended use of Fi:

Aversion to perceived loss of integrity and individuality: I have difficulty getting my life organized because I do not pay enough mind to structuring my thoughts, setting good goals, and planning out my activities.

Driving insecurity: I am insecure and unstable because I fear losing myself if I do not do whatever my feelings urge me to do.

Destructive Fi expression: I am imprisoned by negative feelings and my misguided value judgments/belief system.

Integration of Te:

Openness to remedy the distortions of subjective feeling judgments in order to be effective in reducing suffering: my moral instincts are very reliable in helping me channel my individuality, feelings, values, or passions into fruitful and beneficial activities.

Inferior Ti (ESFJ, ENFJ):

Underdeveloped Ti, overextended use of Fe:

Aversion to careful independent impersonal analysis: I have difficulty forming accurate judgments on my own because I do not pay enough mind to impartially assessing the facts and logically analyzing cause-effect.

Driving insecurity: I am insecure and oversensitive because I cannot draw appropriate emotional boundaries and only understand others by how they make me feel or whether they validate me.

Destructive Fe expression: I exploit people’s feelings and vulnerabilities for my own self-centered benefit and/or express myself with little regard for the social impact.

Integration of Ti:

Openness to impersonal problem solving: I treat people objectively (separate from myself despite my own emotional investment) and know how to make a positive contribution to every relationship. 

Inferior Fe (ISTP, INTP):

Underdeveloped Fe, overextended use of Ti:

Aversion to possible constraints on independence: I have difficulty connecting emotionally with others because I do not pay enough mind to their needs/feelings until blindsided by a problem or accused of insensitivity.

Driving insecurity: I am hypercritical because insecurity about being wrong/criticized drives me to prove that I am (more) intelligent, rational, or knowledgeable.

Destructive Ti expression: I use my knowledge and skills in an unethical/harmful manner because I am only responsible to myself.

Integration of Fe:

Openness to feedback, alternative point of views and collaboration: I have clarity of judgment and possess the skills to construct accurate and precise mental models for guiding me in solving problems flexibly and strategically, all while showing  genuine compassion and fostering a sense of equality among people.

Inferior Fi (ESTJ, ENTJ):

Underdeveloped Fi, overextended use of Te:

Aversion to vulnerability: I have difficulty acting in ways that promote emotional well-being because I do not pay enough mind to my feelings and values when decision making.

Driving insecurity: I am insecure and controlling because I fear ambiguity, powerlessness, and/or the impotence of not measuring up to externally defined standards of success.

Destructive Te expression: I abuse my power/position to get what I want and/or believe that the weak get what they deserve.

Integration of Fi:

Openness to adopting a more sensitive approach to problem-solving; acceptance of personal flaws and shortcomings: I am a competent leader and a good role model because I know the right approach and attitude to achievement, accomplishment, and success.

***

(Most of the content is taken from mbti-notes.)

#mbti #mbti theory #mbti types #inferior function #inferior fi #estj #entj #inferior fe #intp #istp #inferior ti #esfj #enfj #interior te #infp #isfp #inferior si #entp #enfp #inferior se #intj #infj #inferior ne #istj #isfj #ego development

[beardedeldridge]

Anonymous ask that I accidentally deleted when I was attempting to post it.

went something like: “came across your blog by accident, found the blog helpful, new to all of this and asking for any advice, have a good day/night/living death”. That was it to the best of my memory.

First I’m so sorry anon for deleting your ask and for responding so slowly in the first place.

My response as it was intended:

I’ve sat on this one for a bit - sorry. Finally decided I would just sit down and type out my thoughts on my phone in the span of four cigarettes and then post it.

Just start somewhere - find something that blows your hair back for now. Pick one book and start there. Don’t fret about which path/tech is yours yet (or ever) - your first will most likely not be your last - tbh most of us end up a bit eclectic (no matter how much that word can be like fingernails on a chalkboard).

Just about any book you can think of can be found for free on the internet. My take on it is this: most occult authors claim to be practicians and explicitly state that their tech works. If you can’t afford a grimoire, think of it as a money back guarantee. Download the book for free and if it works then use it to afford the physical book and then go buy it. We as a community owe decent authors/researchers/translators, and there are tons of more grimoires/magick books/books on magick that need to be discovered, translated, and published. So if it works go BUY it. If you can’t find one feel free to DM me (no promises tho). My only request: read the work and if it performs as advertised then buy it down the road a bit.

Experience is more important than theory. Research but no more then a couple of weeks (give yourself a hard deadline) to make your first attempt, no matter how unprepared you feel. It won’t go how you think it will anyway.

Have a goal (not the lottery, not to become a college professor without ever attending college, not just to meet an angel/demon/spirit/god). Something lofty, attainable, and long term but that can be broken down into steps. That being said your reasons for doing this will change anyway but a concrete goal will serve you well even if you’ll most likely abandon it for your true-“er” reason down the path a bit. It will keep you focused and give you a way to track success (or lack there of).

You may not see any success at first and that’s fine. Don’t be afraid to try something if it seems like it should work but if brushing your teeth proves to not be magick then just consider it a learning experience and move on (side note: keep brushing your teeth anyway :)

You don’t have to have everything perfect put you have to have enough to make it work. (think of it like a scale, the more you’re able to tilt the scale toward the magickal the better the results). No one can tell you where the exact line of “enough” is - there’s just too many unknown factors and some of them have to do with the magician themselves. Always work to improve your craft.

It doesn’t actually matter why this stuff works. You’ll have plenty of years to theorize and come to insufficient explanations like everyone else. Think finite minds attempting to fathom the infinite, I believe it’s important that we try but ultimately we’re doomed to fall short. The human condition can be a real bastard.

No one has all (or maybe even any) of the answers.

Lot of this stuff can be pretty subjective.

Don’t romanticize your results.

Don’t pay too much attention to what everyone else is doing/saying. We all have our own personal Golden Calf (bias that color our conclusions). Don’t measure your results against other people (as long as you’re actually getting results). Results = the ability to affect the world around you in meaningful and purposeful ways using magick.

There are some really good “easier” or “safer” how to get started or magick-in-general posts on here. DM me what you’re interested in and maybe I can point you in the right direction but do your own research as well, you can find useful stuff even on tumblr if you’re feeling lost/overwhelmed.

Be practical - consider the time/resources/effort you have to throw at this - magicians are like magpies we chase every new shiny thing and sometimes bite off more paths then we can maintain at one time given the available hours in a day (I know I have). For instance, I don’t do work with ancestors or saints (planetary archangels may blur the line there but anyway). Am I interested in those? Hell yes. Do I have the time for any more practices? Nope. So if Saint Cyprian wants to work with me, he’s going to have to come visit and knock my socks off to a point where I’ll abandon something else. Only so many hours in a day/week. (Honestly I have two paths/techs that I actively pursue. There are a few others where I had some success in the past but moved on. I still use what I learned from those or maybe maintain a single working relationship from it but I don’t actively practice those on a regular basis).

Don’t do it for the fireworks - if you’re doing it just to prove “________” exists; that motivation probably won’t take you far.

Spirits are not your friends, they will not complete you, they shouldn’t be used as a form of escapism, they have specialized roles, use them for what they actually do well - that being said - they are not make believe, stupid, or mindless automatons, they are just weird/alien to us and we’re just dust in the wind to them - imo.

Specialize - pick one grimoire/tech and run with it. And when you do settle, pick a spirit you work well with and strengthen that working relationship. Use successes to build toward future greater successes.

Don’t give up - the going may be slow for awhile. If not awesome, but it’s easy to jump from one tech to another while looking for your first success, without ever doing the work to achieve any measure of success, like any other skill it takes practice/work/sacrifice.

Journal everything - not only will it be invaluable early on, that shit will be worth its weight in gold to you eventually. No matter how earth-shattering an experience is the memory of it will fade and dull somewhat and you’ll forget key things.

Always be skeptical of your unverifiable results. Some things are probably just in your head, taken out of context by you, confusing because you can’t see everything, something taking advantage of you, or you not being ready for the actual answer so you spin it into something you want to hear (human brains are real MFs like that)

Learn to research, be patient, think critically/skeptically, meditate, etc - master yourself.

**Yes i spell magick with a “k”. Why? Practicality, Agrippa, and Aesthetics tbh**

Just some general thoughts of mine on the subject. Thanks for the ask, sorry I took a while to respond and that I deleted by mistake. Feel free to reach out by dm or asks if there is anything I can help you with. Hope you’ll doing well and have a great day/night :)

#anon #asks #magick #my experiences #ritual magick #ceremonial magick #sorry for the screw up

[blog-researchblog]

Law Enforcement

7 Powerful Questions

When you think of your dream job you think of a career field that you know you’ll be passionate about. I am passionate about a lot of things in life but above all I am passionate about making a change..I bounced from multiple different majors throughout my college career and I finally decided that I wanted to invest my time and energy into criminal justice. I have always been obsessed with crime shows and documentaries; ranging from homicide cases to federal offenses like robbery and drug trafficking. My choice to go into law was an obvious choice for me after a good amount of time of learning who I was as a person. I’m not quite sure what I want to do with my Criminal Justice degree but I am leaning more towards law enforcement because I feel like it would be a good fit for me. Becoming a police officer isn’t for everyone, it can be very tiring and stressful. You’re put into situations that most people do not find themselves in very often. I have achieved great accomplishments throughout my life but in order for me to be really dedicated to whatever goal I was reaching, I needed to be passionate about it. I have a lot of goals that I set for myself to achieve. My biggest goal in life is to be happy. I want to be passionate about whatever I do in life and be happy with myself, nothing else in the world matters if you’re unhappy. Your career choice can be very detrimental to your overall happiness in life. Picking the right career for me was a very big decision and I know criminal justice is it for me. 

Passion stems from a deep desire for whatever you happen to be passionate about. I’m most passionate about making a change. Being a police officer gives you the chance to make a change in someone’s life or in your community. I love giving back and helping people when they need it. Making a change is changing the world for the better. It's improving someone's everyday life, for the better. One of my greatest accomplishments in my life so far is following through with my goals and achieving them. When I feel like I have helped someone or have improved their well being I take that as an accomplishment. My goal in life is to be passionate about whatever I do. I don’t care for the money, I just want to genuinely enjoy my job. I would like to work in multiple different branches in my career field and learn the ins and outs of law enforcement. I admire people who take their skill and craft seriously. Everyone is gifted and passionate about certain things. The people who capitalize on their gift excel and achieve their goals. It’s not easy to achieve any goal you set, I believe hard work and dedication is the only way to success. 

I am someone who gets bored of things very easily, I love change. Things that get you up and moving occupy my attention. I like to stay active and on my feet. Not knowing what’s going to happen next keeps things exciting and brings me back for more. I would hate to be working at a desk job doing the same tasks over and over again everyday. Law enforcement offers multiple different choices in the field that require a lot of versatility. One day you could be on patrol pulling over cars for speeding and the next day you could be working on homicide cases. 

Hard work and dedication is the only thing you need to get far anywhere in life. I am a hard worker and I do take pride in that, anything I am passionate about I will give my all to. I am willing to work as hard as I possibly can for something I want. I believe that nothing is handed to anyone, you should work for the things that you want in life. I have also been passionate about achieving things on my own and being independent. I know where I need to be in life to achieve what I want and nothing will stop me from getting what I want. Knowing that I achieved something on my own with no help motivates me to do even more for myself.

Occupational Outlook

The job of a police officer is way beyond arrests, ticketing, and investigating. Policing is a hard profession, it’s mentally and physically draining. The stress police officers endure is like no other compared to any other profession. When I was little I always knew whatever I wanted to do or be when I was older it had to be a job that was in uniform. A job that took a lot of bravery and courage was always appealing to me. Being a part of something that is bigger than just myself and was honorable looked like the best fit. Being a police officer is much more than responding to calls or stopping cars. Being in law enforcement is a serious commitment. This job isn’t easy and you never know what you’ll encounter. Each shift is different, from helping cats out of trees to responding to homicide cases, the possibilities of what you will be exposed to as an officer is endless.  I want to work in law enforcement, whether it’s locally, state, or federal. Average pay for a police officer is around 60k a year. Most people go into this career field for the passion of the job, not the pay. It’s a very demanding and stressful job so most police officers retire after being in the force for about 20 years. Employment for police officers is expected to grow 5% in the years to come. There is competition when fighting for a job in policing. One out of a hundred applicants applying for a position are projected to be hired. The process of being chosen to serve and protect their community is long and extensive. There are a series of tests that the applicant must go through to be considered. They must take a written exam that is continued with a physical ability, and background test. These tests would be continued with psych tests that measure how well or if you can carry out the job of a police officer. Applicants who have a degree,military experience, and speak multiple different languages have the best chance of getting chosen for the job. It’s a tough career to be selected for. Not just anyone can be a police officer. The process of being elected for the job is so extensive because not just anyone is given the authority over the general public.

The Truth Behind Policing

To get a better understanding of the police force I interviewed a local police officer who works for the Evesham Township police department of Burlington county in South Jersey. The officer asked to remain anonymous. I began the interview by asking the officer simple questions like what made you decide to become a police officer, do you enjoy your work? He stated that he loves his job as an officer but the job comes with a price to pay. He chose law enforcement mainly for the benefits and because the job itself was a good fit for his personality and work ethic. He has been in law enforcement for a little over 20 years and has endured a lot of stress throughout his time of service.. He explained that you’re going to be placed in situations that are hard to deal with mentally and emotionally. The job itself is rewarding but outside factors can greatly affect you due to this line of work. He continued to explain that some days you're going to be the hero and others you’re going to be the villain. Nowadays police officers are not portrayed in the best light which can affect how others see and treat you. There’s a lot of people who do not support police officers and are against them due to social media and personal experiences with officers who did not carry out their job in the right manner. He brought to my intention that one bad officer sets the tone for the police force as a whole. There are bad workers in every industry, for example, one bad doctor does not label the entire medical field as a whole. He highlighted the most favorable and least favorable aspects about the job. Starting with the most favorable aspects of the job is that he made lifelong friendships throughout his unit. Police force itself is a family, everyone is looking out for each other and at the end of the day all that matters is that every officer went home safe that night. Another pro he listed was that he really does enjoy helping people when they are in need. He joined the police force with the intentions to make the community a safer and better place as a whole. His least favorable aspects about the job is the stress that is added to your health. Law enforcement is not an easy job to mentally endure. You will find yourself in positions that seem unethical or unfair to others, but you have to do what’s best for the community and yourself and enforce the rules. 

Policing and Social Media

One of the hardest parts of being a police officer is how the public is going to portray you every time you put that uniform on. Nowadays police officers do not have a good reputation with the public due to the news and social media. Every time an officer acts in a certain way that is deemed unacceptable, his actions are plastered in the news or published in articles online for the whole world to see and read. Police brutality has always been a major issue in policing. The use of force is often misused within law enforcement, and that is not an issue that is lightly taken. In a current article posted by ABC news, an undercover cop was seen using excessive force when attempting to arrest a man over marijuana charges. This interaction was recorded by a passing citizen and posted the entire video on the social media platform twitter for millions of people to watch. Incidents like this give the thousands of police officers a bad rep which results in citizens revolting against police officers. There was no need to use such force against a man for the use of a drug that is legalized in half of the states in America. Incidents like this happen everyday when an officer uses his authority in the wrong manner. Incidents like that make the public not trust the police which is quite the opposite of what police officers want. 

By: Skyler Italian

[lyca-talha-blog]

Human Security

A diamond celebration for everyday’s life if commission on fulfillment to human security achieved.

From the beginning the main goal of every individual is to have a life-flying kind of living. The number one target is to own a healthy and secure living for the people, since the people is the center of concern in the world. The security of people is in the heart of building peace and preventing the causes of chaos, just to avoid conflict. The human security is a human right that refers to the security of people and the environment. Attaining a feeling of being safe and a freedom of good intention for wants and needs of peple.

Today’s generation it can’t deny that we’ve been modernized and the rule of human security must rise under the vital sector on human security are involved with the following: the food defence, biosecurity, and cybersecurity. Wherein the food defence is the protection of food and the source of product for the purpose of preventing harm. In addition it concerns the physical, personal, and operational security. Then the biosecurity encompasses the prevention of actions to intentional removal of biological material. It’s the effective action to malicious use of dangerous biotechnology. Modernization and the factors affecting new technologies that come up and now used for bioresearches.

Which is very alarming because it is purely developed while the human being stays even though we addapt and take advantages with the new technologies or the modernization of the society. And the cybersecurity, it’s an action to protect against unauthorized access to data centers and other computerized systems. Cybersecurity has subset which is designed to maintain the confidentiality, integrity and the availability of data. It helps to prevent cyber attacks, data breaches and identify theft and can aid in risk management.

To protect life, liberty, and property from act of violence, to condemn terrorism in imical and dangerous to national security. For the welfare of the people and to make this factor affecting human security a crime against the law of nations.

The end goal is the protection of people form traditional and nontraditional threats, such as poverty and disease. The involvement of complementation and on building it.

The idea of extending the concepts of security from state security to individual human being was first articulated by the Independence Commission on Disarmament and Security Issues in 1982. The common security report provided the first comprehensive critism of the purely military approach to security while highlighting the needs to devote due attention to the relation between security and the well-being of individuals. The evolution of the security discourse was also molded by the need to address the global social problems arising within the context of a globalizing world. The potential threats to individual life and well-being were therefore extend from being primarily military to broadly encompass economic, social, environmental, and health concerns. On 1994 a report openned an outlet for the academic redefinition of human security a number of scholars worked toward a recategorization of what could be classified at threat to human security.

Human security fully entered the policy and academic debates in the early 1990’s. The coalition of states and supranation organization that have supported the approach can count numerous accomplishments, such as the Ottama Convention, the stablishment of the international criminal court, and the optional protocol to the convention of the rights of the child. It approaches to the national economic interactions. Central to this is the approach in understanding that human security deprivation can undermine peace and stability within and between state security can be determental to human welfare.

It covers a general concern for the people. The human solidarity were taken off in order to come up a strong foundation for everybody. It’s not only for personal vision, but for the whole society that drives the impact of human life. And a contribution for becoming a leading and booming economy which is very rewarding to our part.

The holistic vision of protecting the security of people lends itself to a variety of interpretations shaped by relative understanding of what constitutes a threat the security of individuals, how the intensity and repercussion of any given threat can be measured and by what possible means the threats can be prevented or removed.

Through diverting our attention to the reality of fundamental issues affecting the human rights. Notice for the lackness of individual cooperation and identify basic goods for the unity so that the intellectual concept of our personal intuition will be filled out. The knowledge and awareness are not enough if without addaptation and implementation because taking response is essential to this issue.

The food defence or the food security which deals with idividuals having access to enough food for an active, healthy life. Food and food safety impose the prevention, protection, mitigation, response and recovery from intentional acts of the body to be fully energized. Because we were just made to move then feel lackness and to sustain this we aught to recognize and find a source of what we needed.

The policy is stablished for the purpose of identifying and prioritize critical infrutructures inrelated to food and agriculture in 2003 in Home and Security Presidential Directive. In accordance to the demmand on human-being it shows the big impact of resources and sustainability to food authorization. I would think to notice the primary needs of human in order to survive. Good advise to take response regarding the issue. A way of giving importance on maintaining the continuity of supply and disttibution of food. Make sure that the health condition of every individual is the top most concern. For this is the significance of staying healthy, in a good condition, and away from any health problems, because if there will be no actions, I’m sure at the end of the day we’ll regrets and would only do accordingly wherein it’s too late.

The biosecurity is the protection to everything that has life. It deals on giving research and study to every field of life that helps people to be more knowledgeable when it comes to bio aspects. It concerns in the importance of reseach about a thing that ease curiousity. Which is very helpful so that we’ll have some proof and basis for our daily activities. Biosecurity sounds good that they’re giving attention, where I can say that addition of implememtation on new knowlendge and technology are prevalent to this field.

The cybersecurity is the process of keeping up with new technologies, security threats and intelligence is a challenging task it’s necessary in order to protect information and other assets from cyber threats that take many forms. Where this must be accompanied by the application security, information security, network security, operational security. These are very important and must go hand-in-hand in order to improvise a peace and no negativity of social media. Specially nowadays that we’re all close eye to social media. It’s verry important that tis must be monitor and restore because one click might results to two consequences, either good or bad.

From the above mentioned I was so surprise that it really affects my intellectual aspects. And I would like to express that taking action and empathy is a key since what to do are already mention. Those are like a river and we as a human being should never let it just pass by and make sure to grab it because it’s a great opportunity that’s pretty unregretable. Therefore, it all concerns form the people, so people should also do the same thing because this is for everyone.

References

https://gppac.net>human-security

https://www.fda-gov>food>food defence

Biosecurity-Wikipedia

https://www.farmbiosecurity.com.au

https://www.cisco.com>security

[officialjameelajamil]

I weigh

Today is my 32nd birthday.

This is the best birthday I’ve ever had because I’ve woken up to thousands of women sending me pictures and messages about the things they love about their lives, and the things they have done that they are most proud of. This has been going on for days now.

I was scrolling through “explore” on Instagram (always a certified mine field for one’s self esteem) and came across this disastrously damaging picture.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. A group shot of grown women with their respective weights posted across each of their bodies, and the post asking what we think of their weights and then asking its followers, “What do you weigh?”

WHO CARES? What kind of crazed toxic nonsense is this? What is this post trying to achieve other than to induce anxiety into young women about something so entirely irrelevant? What are we teaching women about our value? Can it be measured using a metric system? Why do so many posts like this exist on social media? How is anyone supposed to get through the fucking day happy with themselves when we are given such unreasonable and shallow goals to achieve, falling short of which, no matter who we are, what we do, how many lives we save, how many children we raise, how many people’s lives we touch, we are not worth anything.

I snapped. I am just done. I’m so done with seeing this and letting it pass me by. It’s so dangerous and disgusting. It’s so belittling and abusive. We are subliminally bullied all day by the magazines, the side bar of shame, social media, and by each other. The onslaught is so aggressive that we are going to have to retaliate with 10 times the strength to undo all of the damage to the global psyche of women. So I posted this:

A small ode to the brilliant life that I am so lucky to live, that I built by myself from scratch, to the friends I am so lucky to have and to my self worth. This is how I measure myself. What I did, how I made people feel and how much I have enjoyed myself. It has taken me 10 years to get to the realisation that I am worth more than the digits on a measuring tape. And more importantly, the push back against body shaming shouldn’t just be about how much we love our flaws, it should be about something that isn’t really about the body at all. Self acceptance is important. But we deserve more than acceptance. Let’s step as far away from the conversation about our bodies as possible and make acclaim, integrity, achievement, contribution to society and kindness: Values worth shouting about again.

I posted it on twitter, and within an hour women started sending me their own ones. There were too many to keep track of. It happened so fast. The pictures were amazing. None of them were posed and filtered, nobody was contoured to within an inch of their life, or sucking anything in. It was women living their lives, writing down all of the things they were grateful for and proud of. All of the degrees they have, the babies they made, the cancer they beat or are fighting, their families they love, the disabilities they live with or help with, the relationships they have built, the companies they started. Just women waking up and remembering that they are valuable, and they do important, difficult, incredible things. Things that are more than just achieving the perfect lip liner, losing baby weight quickly or being able to EAT PIZZA WHILST AT A LINGERIE PHOTOSHOOT!!! (WOWWEE!)

Here are some of my favourites:

Women of every size and shape and age and background sent me their declarations of self love and clapped back at the shame they have been drenched in their whole lives. We are attacked by this beast our WHOLE DAMN LIVES. Bemused parents are writing to me that social media has their 8 year olds talking about diets and what they dislike about their tiny growing bodies. We are facing an epidemic of self hatred. Instagram while sometimes an amazing way for us to share, is in many ways, hurtling us at light speed towards the demise of what the suffragettes were building.

We lack focus because we are concentrating on the wrong things. Most of the women I know wake up much earlier than men to get ready, and spend much of their time and money on complete nonsense like manicures and pedicures, hair treatments, and waxing. Women bleach their bumholes. THEY BLEACH THEIR BUMHOLES. This is how far we have gone with our pursuit of perfection, that we are no longer satisfied with the natural colour of an area almost nobody in the world will ever see. We have to be thin, but with big breasts and bottoms, gravity free, spotless, hairless, ageless, light skinned but always with a year round sun kissed glow; we must be fun and eat pizza and drink beer but also completely cellulite free and we must all have tiny noses and enormous eyes and lips but with skinny faces, but our skinny faces must never look gaunt and old.

And after all this, and after all the work we do, that we do as much of as men, ON SUBSTANTIALLY fewer calories than we probably need, we get judged more and paid less anyway.

NO. I’m sorry but at some point something has to give. We have to object. We have to do it together. Rather than just complaining about it, lets fill the void of sense with some perspective and some regard for the lives we are so lucky to live. An education is a luxury and a beautiful thing, not afforded to millions of women in the world. Bringing children into the world and raising them to be happy and healthy and kind is a great achievement, that literally builds the world. Surviving illness and war and trials of mental health makes a warrior out of you. Fighting for the rights of those who have no voice is heroic and important. Reading and writing and filling yourself with knowledge makes you so much more fun to spend the day with. Travelling and being independent and supporting yourself is the sign of a woman in control of her life.

We spend our lives in pursuit of the approval of others when we don’t yet even really approve of ourselves. My opinion of me is now (and only very recently) the one that matters.

I remember being 15, miserable and so relentlessly disappointed in myself, thinking it didn’t matter that I had a full academic scholarship and that I had a job and good grades, a Grade 8 in piano and I was a good kid, because my hip bones didn’t jut out, I had a round face and my thighs were forever touching. I was taught nothing else mattered. And that my fat covered up my achievements. I am so, so aware of the damage the media does to a vulnerable mind, it ruined the first 20 years of my life.

I found this really sad old drawing I did of myself when I 16, with what I felt I had to look like in order to be accepted by girls at school, and society in general.

I can’t sit by and read the messages of self hatred that teenage girls send me, about how they hate themselves for not looking like Victoria’s Secret models. I can’t watch what happened to me, happen to them.

I hereby call out every newspaper run by a man that shames women about their appearance.

I hereby call out journalists who write passive-aggressive shaming articles about weight gain and congratulatory ones about women who lose weight.

I hereby MASSIVELY call out celebrities who don’t document what it takes for them to look the way they do. If you have had surgery, say something. If you have a strict diet and workout regime, say something. It is UNFEMINIST to push an image that was created in the fantasy lab of the patriarchy, essentially that of a sex doll, to other women, and pretend that it comes naturally to you, and that junk food and lying down in expensive hotel suites is what keeps you beautiful. You have a platform and have to use it responsibly.

I hereby call out the fashion industry for STILL after 10 years of being called out, perpetuating the idea that expensive clothing only looks good on stick thin, barely pubescent girls. (None of whom can afford your bloody clothes)

I hereby call out the women who troll other women online about their appearances.

I hereby call out the trolls that live in our own heads and eradicate all of our achievements and shower us in self-doubt and loathing.

In this uprising of female power we must realise we are being set absurd extra goals, thick and fast. The further we come as a gender, the more ridiculous the ideals we have to fulfil become. We are being distracted and exhausted and our eyes are being taken off the ball. Every minute you spend thinking about how thin or gorgeous you aren't, is a minute you aren’t spending on growing your business or your life.

I’m not saying it’s not important to watch out for your health. I’m not saying your BMI isn’t something to pay attention to. I do think it’s important to try to be active and put good food into your engine. But I also think the shame and feeling of failure is what drives us to the unhealthy eating habits we acquire to “comfort” us when we feel inferior and depressed. It’s a catch 22.

And by all means take pride in your appearance. Enjoy your looks, and your clothes and your sex appeal, but don’t make it your number one concern and selling point. It can be in your top ten, but it should never, ever define you. It isn’t important. We aren’t supposed to all look the same. And nothing good ever comes of self hatred. It will never further you. It will always hold you back.

Please think of the things in your life that you are proud of, that fulfil you, that make you happy and write them down somewhere, and look at that list every time you feel that you are failing, or that your jeans are tight, or you have a chubby arm in a group photo of a night out, or when you watch a video of a Hadid eating pasta.

Please remember you have every right to be here, and your life is important and it is precious, and on your death bed you aren’t going to be thinking about your love handles.

I love women and we deserve so much more than this. We can do better. We have to.

We can win the revolution against shame.

#blog