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#1 pedro 5
gcik · 2 months
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bluebeary-jay · 1 year
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Let me (put my lips to somethin')
Joel Miller x f!Reader
Summary: 5 times you wanted to kiss Joel, and 1 time it actually happened (or: your relationship with Joel over the years)
Tags: 5+1 babeyyy, VERY self-indulged (i just want this man to call me his babygirl 😫), FLUFF, tooth-rotting fluff even, a bit of angst, age gap, PINING, i could write several fics out of this but no we're doing 5+1! also reader has she/her pronouns (i tried not to but at some point it was getting difficult not to use any :( sorry guys)
Warnings: descriptions of violence and wounds, cursing, getting drunk, David (which is a warning in itself), allusions to SA (but nothing happens)
Word count: ~9.4K (jesus i really got carried away im not doing that again for at least some time)
A/N: i am baack!! i finally had time to finish this monster and i guess it's ready to post <3 i absolutely ADORE 5+1 fics and always wanted to write one on my own. so here it is!! hope you enjoy because i loved writing it
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1. boston qz
You bit your forearm harder, trying to hold back the tears of pain. The man kneeling in front of you glanced up.
“Bite the sleeve of your jacket. Otherwise they’re gonna think you’re infected and shoot you on sight.”
You didn’t answer but nodded, knowing that he was right. Holding your breath for a moment, you took a handful of the material and bit down on it, shutting your eyes tightly. The excruciating pain in your leg was hard enough to endure, but for the first place with it competed an absolutely unbearable look of poorly concealed pity (which you initially took for irritation) on the face of Tess’ friend.
It was through her that you met Joel. At the beginning he wasn’t very keen about letting you work with them but slowly warmed up to your presence – at least as much as a man like Joel could. Most of the time he was grumbling and, in all fairness, looking slightly angry but you’ve soon understood that he’s actually a pretty good guy. Caring. Funny, if he lets you see this side of him. Also really fucking handsome, but that was beside the point.
The job was supposed to be an easy one – just meet with a couple of Zeke’s people, pick up the smuggled items and exchange them for some meds and ammunition. However, none of you expected some random rogue group to ambush you on your way back and attempt to steal the cargo.
Tess has managed to get away just before soldiers showed up, alerted by the sound of gunfire way past the curfew. Before they could spot any of you, Joel quickly pulled you into one of the nearby buildings after one of the strangers slashed your thigh, leaving you unable to run.
So now here you were. Bleeding from your leg and making a pathetic crybaby out of yourself before the very eyes of the man you respected and lowkey had a small crush on.
Speaking of whom, Joel gave you a look of sympathy before squeezing the stapler handle again, ejecting another staple into your skin. You tensed and a broken cry escaped your lips, your breathing rapid.
“It’s alright,” he murmured, putting his other hand on your knee and rubbing slightly. “Just two more and you’ll be good to go.”
You breathed out a humorless laugh and wiped your face, sniffling.
“Just get on with it. This is way more embarrassing than it should be.” In the corner of your eye you saw him look up. He didn’t move the hand in which he held the staple gun yet, so you took this moment to steady your breath and slumped against the wall. “You probably think it’s pretty pathetic, but in my defense I never had such a gash closed with staples like that.”
“M’not thinkin’ that,” he retorted and you blew a raspberry.
“Sure. Tess told me about some of your forays, you know? You could probably get run over by a damn tank and walk it off like it’s nothing.”
Joel was silent for some time. You wiped your cheeks and motioned for him to eject the last staples at the edge of the deep cut in your thigh. He mumbled to you to get ready and you took a deep breath, bracing yourself for the pain.
It hurt like hell and you couldn’t help the tears flowing from your eyes, but soon enough it was over.
The sound of shouting from outside drew your attention from the pain in your leg for a couple of seconds. You tensed up, listening intently if the soldiers weren’t busting in the building you were in, but the noises soon went past you.
“Y’know, if my brother was here, he’d have told you about the first time I had a wound stitched outside of the controlled conditions,” Joel spoke up unexpectedly, unpacking his backpack in search of clean bandages. “I nearly bit off my thumb when he was tryin’ to sew my foot back together.”
You couldn’t help but snort at his confession and he glanced at you from the corner of his eye with a slight smirk.
“Is that true?”
Joel huffed with fake indignation and lifted his left hand to your eyes, twisting it so that the dim light from outside illuminated the side of it. Above and below the small bone at the base of his thumb appeared very light and irregular lines. You looked at his face with an unbelieving smile.
“When was that?”
“Ah… Just before the outbreak, I’d say.”
“And what happened to your foot?”
“Construction work. I don’t remember exactly what that was.”
“But how hard did you have to chomp down on your thumb for it to be still visible?” you asked, laughing, to which he chuckled and shrugged.
“Hey, don’t judge. If it was Tommy who was fixin’ your leg, you’d probably end up without a couple of fingers too, just for good measure.”
He found the bandage and motioned for you to straighten your leg at the knee. You watched him carefully as he looked over your bare thigh and the (not very pretty to look at) sutured wound. The leg of your pants was cut and tossed away earlier so that Joel could stitch you up freely.
“So you have a brother. Is he really that bad at treating wounds?” you asked to distract yourself from the awkwardness of the whole situation, though Joel seemed surprisingly calm.
“He got better with time,” your colleague answered and then looked up at you. “But I didn’t tell you this to bitch about Tommy’s skills.”
“Oh?” you nudged him with your other leg. “So what moral should I draw from this story?”
You clearly saw him suppressing a smile when he shook his head lightly.
“Don’t feel bad that it hurts,” he murmured and the snicker disappeared from your lips. “I’ve seen looks like the one on your face plenty before. It’s a fuckin’ big gash, I’d be worried if you didn’t show any signs of pain.”
You couldn’t come up with any snarky remarks and just blinked when Joel sent you a quick, if not a bit self-conscious, smile, like he wasn’t used to reassuring someone else.
“The fact that you let your tears flow doesn’t make you any weaker,” he said even quieter than before. You still weren’t answering and he cleared his throat, apparently growing uncomfortable with your silence, then grabbed the bottle of alcohol. “I’m gonna pour some of that shit over your wound again. It’ll sting a bit.”
You observed without a word how he cleansed the gash and started to wind the bandage around your thigh.
Weirdly enough, you also noticed that you couldn’t stop glancing at his lips.
*****
2. bill and frank’s
“No. I said no, come back here!”
Giggles erupted from you as Joel tried (and failed) to grab you when you jumped over the couch. He sighed deeply as you made eye contact with him and, with a provocative smile, drank up the rest of the bottle before putting it down on the nearby table. The man looked so disappointed and done with you, it only made you laugh louder in your drunken state.
You two were staying for a couple of days at Bill and Frank’s heavenly place, which you looked forward to for weeks now. Originally Tess was supposed to go with you but there was a last-minute change of plans, and you made the journey alone with Joel. Not counting a few infected you stumbled upon on your way here, your venture was quite nice and after a delightful dinner with your hosts, you sneaked into Joel’s room with the bottle of wine Frank gave you and the stuff you smuggled yourself.
Joel didn’t seem to be having as much fun as you, though.
“I’m never drinkin’ with you again,” he muttered, sitting heavily on the couch with a grunt. You faked a pout, leaning over his head upside down and almost losing your balance.
“You’re grouchy because the stuff you brought tasted like shit.”
“And yet you drank most of it.”
“I didn’t,” you slurred, waltzing round the couch and grinning. “I’m feelin’ great.”
“Be careful or you’ll pick up my accent you so like pokin’ fun of.”
You snorted and flopped on the seat next to him. “Mhm, m’feelin’ fine and dandy,” you grumbled in the deepest voice you could make, ridiculously imitating his Texas drawl. “Yee-haw.”
“You’re the fuckin’ worst,” sighed Joel with exasperation but you could see a crooked smile tugging on his lips. You beamed and plopped down, laying your head on his lap. He peeked at you with his brows raised. “What are you doin’ now, you little devil?”
“Just resting,” you answered. The lamp behind Joel was blinding you with its light, so you covered your eyes with your hand to shield them. “Is that uncomfy for you? Do you want me to get up?”
“Nah. You can stay for a minute.”
As if wanting to make sure you won’t try to stand up, he laid his hand on your hair, brushing some of it to the back. You hummed and shivered when he gently scratched one specific spot on your scalp, and instinctively tilted your head, chasing his touch.
Joel snorted.
“You look like a goddamn cat.”
“Shut up,” you murmured in response, a small smile adoring your face. “It feels nice.”
You opened your eyes and once again shielded them from the lamp. Joel moved his head slightly to the side to block out the bothersome stimulus, causing you to giggle again.
“It looks like you have a halo ’round your head.” You lifted your arm and made a circle, brushing the side of his face when your hand plopped back down limply on your stomach. The older man huffed a smile, looking away to glance around the room.
“I’ll be really surprised if you remember anythin’ of what you’re sayin’ tomorrow.”
“Gimme a break,” you grumbled with a smile, not taking your eyes off him. Your hand raised itself to his face again, as if on its own accord, and brushed lightly the corner of his mouth and the stubble on his cheek. “It looks pretty.”
His brown irises flickered to you before he averted his gaze. With a hum you withdrew your hand and closed your eyes, your mind getting woozy from alcohol and tiredness.
Joel’s fingers were still running through your hair gently and you really hoped you’d remember it in the morning.
*****
3. road, somewhere in missouri
You had no idea how long you had been driving.
Ellie was asleep in the back seat and Joel was getting some well-deserved shut-eye after you volunteered to sit behind the wheel several hours ago. The clock on the dashboard was showing 4:07 and you planned on driving until the sun started to rise, then switching places with Joel.
That is, if you manage to stay awake.
You tried to drink some of the coffee Joel prepared beforehand to wake yourself up but it tasted horrible, leaving a too bitter taste on your tongue. Once you catched yourself closing your eyes for a second longer than intended and the car started to veer off course before you corrected it.
Yes, you were aware driving in this kind of state was extremely stupid, but you knew Joel was anxious to find his brother and drop Ellie off with the Fireflies as soon as possible. And you knew that if you wake him up he’ll insist on driving for the rest of the way himself, ignoring his own needs and exhaustion.
You risked a look to the side at his sleeping form. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his head propped against the headrest. Honestly, it looked like the man was just pretending to nap – his body seemed uptight, as if he was ready to spring into action at any second.
And he looked beautiful with his face bathed in the gray light of early morning. Like a painting you’d gladly admire for hours.
You sighed and cracked your neck, focusing on the road ahead of you. Several more hours to go. There was a gas tank in the back of the car, so you didn’t have to worry about that, and if you remembered correctly the map you and Joel studied earlier, you should get close to some bigger city in the late afternoon. Joel wanted to take the side roads and you agreed, but your supplies… Did you have enough of them? And what was the name of that city again…?
A hand grabbed the wheel and gently straightened the course when without you noticing the car started to veer too much to the left again.
You emerged from your reverie immediately and looked to the right at Joel who was now wide awake.
“You alright?” he asked with concern, and his voice had this enticing, raspy drawl to it that told you he really dozed off for a while.
“I’m so sorry,” you said quickly but quietly, not wanting to wake Ellie up. “I’m fine, promise.”
He eyed the tiredness on your face and the tight grip you had on the wheel.
“If you need to get some rest–”
“No, no, no. I can go on. Sorry you had to wake up.”
Joel grunted and stretched in the small space in the front seat and you tried really hard not to stare at how he craned his neck or at the way his muscles tensed, or at the strip of his skin revealed when his shirt rolled up…
“Pull over.”
You snapped out of your thoughts. “No. I told you I’m fine.”
“C’mon, darlin’, don’t make me wrestle with you in a movin’ vehicle.”
Either he had a clue about what this nickname was doing to you, or he was still half-asleep and it simply slipped out; but whether it was intentional or not, you couldn’t dream of opposing him now and with a defeated sigh (and burning neck) you pulled over, slowly bringing the car to a halt. You glanced backwards, but miraculously Ellie hadn’t woken up yet.
Joel looked you over with concern and you shut your eyes, laying your forehead on the steering wheel. “I’m sorry,” you repeated. “But I really can keep going, at least until the sun goes up.”
“We’re switchin’,” he just said, unfastening his seatbelt.
“Joel, no!” you hissed, but he ignored you and went around the hood of the car, stopping at your side and opening the door for you. “I’m not moving. You need to get some fucking rest.”
“I already did. Now scoot over.”
“No, I told you–”
“What’s going on? Are we there yet?”
Both of you looked back to see Ellie sitting up and rubbing her eyes. In a split second she went from half-awake to alert, and she eyed you and Joel suspiciously. “What’s going on?” she asked again.
“We’re switchin’ places,” Joel spoke up before you had a chance to answer the girl. “Our current driver is pretty tired.”
“I’m not!” you protested, glaring at him.
“You almost drove the car into a ditch.”
“Woah.” Ellie lifted her hands and puffed her cheeks in a nervous manner. “Just this time, I second Joel. I really don’t want to end up in a ditch, thank you very much.”
“You see?” Joel looked at you expectedly. “Outvoted.”
You squinted in the rearview mirror at the teen. “Traitor.”
Ellie just shrugged. With a heavy sigh you unfastened yourself and exited the car, but before you could go around it and take Joel’s previous place, he stuck his arm out, stopping you.
“Actually, Ellie, do you want to ride shotgun now?” he asked and nodded in your direction. “It’d do her good to lie down for a bit.”
“No,” you said firmly at the same time when Ellie agreed with an enthusiastic “hell yeah!”. You crossed your arms over your chest and glared at the pair. “You guys are in cahoots.”
“Boo-hoo,” Ellie had a mean smile on her face. “Get in the backseat and cry about it.”
“She’s so cheeky,” you murmured to Joel, trying to hide your smile, and by the look of it he had trouble doing that, too. You sighed and lifted your hands in surrender. “Alright, you two. You won.”
“Great.” Ellie grinned, then started walking off the street. “But give me a moment, dudes, I gotta pee,” she said before marching further into the field on the side of the road.
“Don’t go too far!” shouted Joel after her.
“Don’t drive off without me!”
With that Ellie disappeared behind a small hill and you turned back to your companion, scrunching your face at him. Joel shrugged and walked past you.
“C’mon. I’ll find you a blanket.”
You huffed but didn’t argue further, knowing nothing will change his mind. He could be stubborn as a mule sometimes.
You climbed into the backseat and waited for Joel to take out the blanket you took from Bill and Frank’s house from the back of the car. He opened the door next to your head and handed it over, waiting for you to unfurl it. You expected him to go take the driver’s seat right away, but he stayed in place. Only then you noticed the folded jacket he was holding in his hands.
He didn’t react at all to your raised eyebrows and questioning look, and just casually laid his jacket under your head to serve as a pillow. The gesture was so sweet it made you melt inside, and you just couldn’t stay mad at him.
“Promise me you’ll get some sleep.”
“Only if you and Ellie aren’t too loud,” you teased, trying to settle down the butterflies fluttering in your stomach. “If you start arguing about some stupid shit again, I’m taking the wheel from you by force.”
He smirked and squatted next to your seat, looking down at you with an amused expression.
“I’d like to see you try.”
You had to be really fucking tired, because for a split second you thought that Joel has just flirted with you. You hid your face in his jacket to partially conceal your smile, but it only made your face hotter because the material smelled of him so much.
“I could. You’re lucky I’m deciding to show mercy.”
“How gracious of you. I’m honored.
“But we’re swapping places when I wake up,” you added, looking at him as sternly as you could. He raised his eyebrows with a half-smile when a yawn escaped you immediately after. “I’m serious, Joel.”
“Sure, darlin’.” He leaned in and kissed your forehead before standing up. “Now sleep.”
You could only stare into space as he carefully closed the door next to your head and walked around the vehicle with heavy steps. The spot on your head where his lips touched your skin was tingling and you inhaled deeply to calm yourself down before he entered the truck again and fastened the seatbelt.
Joel put some cassette into the tape deck and turned the volume down even before the song started to play.
You closed your eyes and wrapped the blanket tighter around yourself, hiding the lower part of the face – and a blush spreading on your cheeks – under the cover.
*****
4. jackson
You looked out the window at the children pulling their sleds behind them and smiled at how happy and carefree they looked. Down the road you could just barely see the big Christmas tree in the square and for a moment it felt like the apocalypse had never happened.
“They’re pretty lucky to be growing up here,” you said quietly. Joel was closing and opening cabinets behind you, clearly looking for something.
“Not sure about it. But I guess it beats growin’ up in any of the QZ’s or Fedra’s barracks.”
After Joel’s sudden change of heart and Ellie’s confident decision that she’d rather travel with you both instead of Tommy, the younger Miller convinced his brother to stay one more day in Jackson. It was honestly a good idea because you doubted any of you three got any rest the previous night. You certainly didn’t, tossing and turning the entire time from worry.
Joel chuckled and the sound pulled you out of your thoughts.
“What did you find?” you asked. He was kneeling in front of one of the cabinets, holding a small box.
“Old cassettes. You want to listen to some music?”
“Sure.” You stood up with a smile. “It’ll be pretty atmospheric.”
Joel gave you a dirty look.
“I’m not putting on Christmas carols.”
“I don’t want to listen to Christmas carols. Find something good.”
He sighed and took out a carton box from the cabinet, and then started to rummage through it. “Alright, so what do you want?”
“You can choose. Pick something you think I’d like.” A thought struck you and you glanced around the living room, furrowing your brows. “Is there even any tape player in here or something like that?”
“Upstairs,” Joel mumbled absent-mindedly. “In Ellie’s room. We can go see if it works.”
Ellie was out exploring Jackson and you doubted she’ll be back very soon. You knelt down next to Joel, looking at him with a grin as he inspected the box, pulling out and reading some of the cassettes before putting them back down. You rested your chin on your hands.
“Just get anything,” you ushered after some time, to which he chuckled.
“You said to pick somethin’ you’d like. Gimme some time.”
“Do you think I’m that picky?”
“Of course you are.”
You rolled your eyes but didn’t have to wait much longer before Joel stood up with a grunt and held out his hand to you. In the other one he held a white cassette.
“C’mon. I’m pretty sure you’re gonna love this one.”
You took his hand with excitement and let yourself be pulled to your feet. It’s been so long since you’ve been able to listen to some music – well, maybe not as long, but you missed it regardless – that you felt a bubbly joy at the thought of hearing something new.
And more than that, something that Joel has picked specifically for you. Doesn’t matter that you had to ask him.
You went upstairs to the room that was currently Ellie’s bedroom and Joel bent down, inserting the cassette into the tape player. He looked over his shoulder at you with a small smile and you beamed right back.
A loud, scratchy sound rang out.
You winced and Joel furrowed his brows. He took the cassette out, checked the empty slot and the cassette itself, and then made sure the power was on.
The first notes started to play, but they sounded distorted, like a scratched record. Joel cursed and tried again, but there must’ve been something wrong with the device, because no matter what he did, the music didn’t play right.
He tried again and again, and finally you decided to put a stop to it. You placed your hand on his shoulder.
“Leave it, Joel. It’s okay.”
“Just my fuckin’ luck,” he muttered, not turning around. “Of course Tommy gave us a place without a working cassette player.”
“It’s okay,” you repeated. You wanted to say something like ’the song probably isn’t even worth fussing over’, but the words got stuck in your throat. He picked it for you to listen to, of course it was worth it. “Maybe I just wasn’t meant to hear it.”
The man worried his lip and you quickly averted your gaze. He straightened up and put his hands on his hips, sighing.
“Nonsense,” he answered, looking intently at the device like he wanted to get it to work by sheer willpower. “You wanted to hear it.”
“Well, I did.” You got embarrassed for whatever reason, not knowing what to say. “But there’s not really anything we can do about that. It’s no big deal.”
Joel’s jaw twitched and he turned to look at you thoughtfully. You offered him a lopsided smile, but he didn’t move a muscle and you could almost imagine small gears turning in his head when he had this expression on his face.
“You okay?” you asked with a stifled laugh.
“I… have an idea,” he said slowly, almost hesitantly. Then he focused his eyes on you again. “Just… trust me for a moment.”
Your gaze softened and you took a step closer to him.
“Joel, of course I trust you. I trust you with my life.”
His Adam’s apple bobbed but his brown irises haven’t left yours for even a second.
“Close your eyes.”
“What?” you asked with a crooked smile, but he just shook his head.
“C’mon, close your eyes. And promise you won’t laugh.”
Confusion washed over you but you closed your eyes as requested. You heard Joel sighing and then he took your hand in his calloused and rough one, slowly putting it on his shoulder. Your neck got way too hot but you tried not to tense or flinch in fear of making him back out.
“Promise you won’t laugh,” he repeated and you just now realized you haven’t answered him. He put his hand on your waist, very, very lightly, and your other hand was raised to  shoulder height, cradled in his warm one.
“I swear I won’t,” you whispered, your heart beating so damn loud you were scared he was going to hear it with how close you two were.
Joel exhaled heavily and you felt his breath on your hair.
And then he started to hum quietly and sway you gently from side to side. You desperately tried to remain calm, but how were you supposed to do that when your body felt so hot and he was so close–
“I reached inside myself and found nothin’ there… to ease the pressure… of my ever-worrying mind, hmm…”
Joel’s voice was deep and harsh right in front of you, and it sounded more like he was purring than singing. You suspected he slowed down the pace of the song significantly to match his movements and your heart swelled with warmth and adoration. The smile on your face widened and you took a step to the left, then to the right, gradually engaging in your dance more and more. You wanted to make it less uncomfortable and awkward for him and it seemed to have worked a bit because the next lines were much more confident, and his voice steadier.
“All my power wasted ’way, fear the crazed and lonely looks the mirror’s sendin’ me these days, hmm…”
His hold on you tightened slightly and you held his hand a little more securely, unable to hold back a goofy smile on your face.
“Touch me… how can it be? Believe me… the sun always shines on TV.”
You were falling for him all over again and it was not fair that he made you promise to keep your eyes closed. Though if he didn’t, you’d probably end up doing something dumb.
Like kissing him.
Fuck, you wanted to kiss him so bad.
“Hold me… close to your heart. Touch me… Give all your love to me. To me…”
Did he just pull you closer or was it you that took a step forward? It was hard to tell without seeing where you step, but you suddenly were very aware of the material of his shirt under your chin and the smell of shampoo he used to wash his hair, the pressure of his hand on your lower back and his quiet, drawling voice right next to your ear.
You were positive you’re about to pass out.
And it felt blissful.
Joel kept humming the chorus of the song, his voice getting softer and lower with each word. You relished in the warmth of his embrace, begging any higher power that he won’t let go of you immediately once he stops singing.
He didn’t.
Instead you two kind of naturally came to a stop but neither of you moved, still standing chest to chest and breathing a bit shakily. Your palm – or maybe it was his – was sweaty, but you ignored the unpleasant feeling, wanting to stay like this as long as possible.
“The original is much more lively,” Joel spoke in a soft whisper after some time and you smiled lightly.
“Well, I really liked your version,” you answered just as quietly, not wanting to disturb the intimate atmosphere in the room. “Joel?”
“Yes, darlin’?”
“Can I open my eyes now?”
A moment of silence.
“Yeah.”
You did so, but didn’t move your head, still keeping it on his shoulder and breathing in his scent. “Thank you for that,” you whispered and you felt him nodding.
“Anytime.”
His fingers crept a bit higher up your spine, but still his touch was so light and unsure.
You realized with a flicker of hope that he wasn’t pushing you away. He was pulling you closer.
Careful not to move too abruptly, you lifted your head and turned it to look him in the eyes. They were already on you, so very close, warm and hesitant, but also not showing any signs of discomfort or regret.
“Joel?” you asked again and you were so close to each other, it came out less as a question and more like a quiet breath. He heard it, though.
“Yeah?”
“Can I–”
Suddenly the door downstairs slammed extremely loudly and you both jumped when the noise broke the heavy silence.
“Hello! Is anybody here?!”
Ellie came back.
Both of you automatically took a step backwards, letting go of each other. Your face was scorching hot and you couldn’t force yourself to look at Joel. With a deep (hopefully unnoticed by the man standing right in front of you) breath, you quickly tried to get a grip on yourself when you heard Ellie running up the stairs.
“I was calling you, guys!” she panted and looked from you to the older man. “What’s up?”
“We…” Joel cleared his throat. “Tried to put some music on. The darn thing isn’t workin’, though.”
“Ugh, that’s a bummer.” Ellie turned to you and tilted her head. “Were you out, too? Your face is all red and shit.”
Even if it wasn’t before, it certainly was now. All attention shifted to you in a second and it made you want to cry.
“Yes,” you uttered quickly, “and… I’m actually going out again. I wanted to ask Maria something.”
You didn’t wait for any of them to stop or question you further – you all but ran down the stairs and bolted outside without even taking a jacket or a hat.
Fuck…
Fuck, fuck, fuck!
*****
5. basement, somewhere in colorado
He was dying.
Joel was dying and there was nothing you could do to help him.
You tried your hardest, though, to take care of both him and Ellie. You went out hunting so she wouldn’t have to starve, you encouraged her to get as much rest as possible while you watched over the unconscious man during the night, and not once did you show any doubt that Joel will get better.
But you had a feeling she knew why you were so reluctant to stay behind while the girl took her turn looking for food.  The truth was, you were starting to crack if you sat for too long at Joel’s side, letting the intrusive thoughts take root in your mind. You needed those moments outside, because they were the only ones when you let your tears flow.
So when it was only you and him in the basement, you spent this time brushing the hair out of his face and coaxing him to drink. You checked his wound every so often, trying to keep it as clean as possible. You held his hand, humming to him that one song he sang for you in Jackson, though you didn’t know the words.
It was painful, to just sit in place and be unable to do anything to help, but you tried not to break down. Not when both of them counted on you.
So you stayed strong, hoping it’ll all turn out alright.
But luck still wasn’t on your side.
The men Ellie encountered the day before were here now, looking for you and Joel, and hungry for blood. She told you all about her interaction with them and since yesterday you were ready for a fight in case they showed up, but somehow it still surprised you and made your heart hammer in your chest in fear.
There wasn’t anywhere you could run to, and Joel wasn’t even able to keep his eyes open, let alone walk. You didn’t really have any other options.
So there was only one thing you could do, and that was to protect those closest to you.
You quickly took your backpack and passed Ellie your gun, closing her fingers around the cold metal.
“I’ll barricade the door, but if anyone comes in here, you blast their skull open, you hear me?” you whispered urgently and the girl nodded. You took Joel’s rifle from the floor and hung it over your shoulder. “I’ll try to take them out and lead them away. I’ll be back.”
“You better come back,” Ellie muttered and you looked at her softly, nodding. Then your gaze involuntarily shifted to Joel.
You didn’t know how many people were outside – if there were three or four of them, you should be able to shoot most of them before they notice you. If you don’t miss, that is.
But if there were more…
Choking back a nervous sob, you knelt next to the mattress and took Joel’s head in your hands. His eyes were only half-open and his forehead covered in sweat. Your heart clenched painfully at how weak he looked.
Acting on impulse, you leaned down and softly kissed the place above the corner of his mouth.
“Wake up,” you said to him firmly, brushing his cheeks with your thumbs. “Please, Joel. Ellie and I need you.”
You knew you had to go. You had to go now and make sure those fuckers outside don’t find Ellie and him.
But you stayed just for a second longer to press your forehead to his.
“I love you,” you whispered, so quietly you barely heard yourself.
And then you pulled away and ran upstairs.
From then on it was all a blur. You managed to kill one of the men with a clean shot between his eyes, but the other one ducked out of the way when he noticed you. Turned out there were six of them – too many – and what’s worse, one of them came up behind you, forcing you to flee sooner than you’d planned.
It would probably be wiser to take the horse but you didn’t want to endanger the poor creature, so you ran on foot.
You didn’t get far. One of the men managed to shoot you in the leg, making you keel over onto the frozen ground with a scream of pain. You turned around and saw him lifting his gun again before another voice yelled that he wanted you alive.
No. No, no, you weren’t about to let them take you.
You crawled towards where your rifle lay in the snow but just before you could reach it, it was kicked away by a heavy boot which then dealt a severe blow to your stomach. You doubled over, wheezing and coughing for air. By the time you managed to somehow catch your breath, someone pressed their foot on the gunshot wound in your calf, forcing a scream of agony out of you.
“Now, stay calm. I don’t want to shoot you.”
You clutched at your leg, glaring up at the ginger man who you suspected was the same David Ellie has encountered.
The man grinned nastily at the state you were in, and you didn’t like his expression one bit. He must’ve noticed that you were ready to lunge at him at any moment because he swiftly lifted his gun to your head. You froze.
“Where is your friend and the girl?” he asked quietly. You sneered at him, baring your teeth.
“Fuck you. I ain’t telling you shit.”
“David, she killed Paul,” spat another, younger one, looking down at you with hatred. “If that bastard has already died, let’s at least kill his bitch.”
You tried to think of a way to get out of this situation, but both of the men had their guns pointed at you and you knew you wouldn’t be able to move quickly enough with the gunshot wound.
You tried to move slightly but David pressed his foot harder on your leg, causing more blood to flow from your wound and you cried out, the pain clouding your vision.
“Don’t try anything, sweetheart,” he murmured in a warning tone. “You might bleed out.”
Your eyes were full of hate and rage but you didn’t dare to move again just yet.
“Where are they?” David asked again and you huffed a humorless chuckle while trying not to show how much pain you were in.
“You know that it was me who killed that idiot?” you asked in the most mocking tone you could muster, in the meantime desperately thinking how the fuck you were going to get out of here, preferably alive. “And your friend over there.” You nodded in the direction of where the body of the man you shot was lying. “Which one of you stood next to him? Was it you?” you asked the younger man who shot you in the leg. “I hope I hadn’t splattered you too much with the remnants of his brain.”
“You little bitch,” the other man sneered, lifting his gun again despite David’s stern order to back off. “I’d love to see the face of your friend when I blast your–”
“Leave her alone, you fuckers!!”
All of you turned your heads and your stomach churned when you saw Ellie on the horse you borrowed from Tommy. More shots rang out in the air when she blindly fired at the two men standing above you, and then the rest of the strangers who emerged from between the trees.
“Alive!!” David yelled after his men when they started chasing Ellie who grabbed the reins and cantered in the opposite direction. Then the man turned back to you. “We will catch her. Then we will find your friend, and he’ll pay for his sins.”
You growled.
“I told you it wasn’t him who killed that man.” He shook his head and you fumed with anger. “You don’t think I’m capable of that?”
“Oh, I think you’re capable of a lot.” His stare slid down your body, from head to toe, and terror gripped your heart at the sadistic excitement in his eyes. “And I think you must really care about him if you’re ready to trade your life for his. Such loyalty is admirable, but your love is misplaced.”
The snow around you was getting more and more red and you really started to worry that the bullet might’ve hit an artery. David’s eyes shifted to your leg as well, and he hummed.
“We’ll take care of that, don’t worry. You’ll be well taken care of in our community.”
“I don’t want to be any part of your fucked up sect.”
“You will. You just need a father to lead you to the right path.” He leaned over you in such a manner that it made your blood run cold. “I’ll teach you personally.”
Suddenly a shot echoed in the air and you heard a distant neighing of a horse. Your head automatically turned in the direction of the noise and David took advantage of your moment of distraction to strike your temple with his gun, thus knocking you unconscious.
*****
+1. silver lake
Joel woke up.
And he felt like he was made out of pure adrenaline and rage.
You weren’t with Ellie when he found her staggering through the snow, the face of the teen terrified and covered in blood. He comforted her as best as he could, relief and fear fighting inside him as he held the girl in his arms.
But she didn’t know where you were held. If you were even alive.
And that was a thought that Joel couldn’t bear. He wouldn’t even allow for the possibility that you were no longer…
He vaguely remembered you stroking his cheek with slow and delicate touches, and your humming while he was laying on the mildewed mattress in the basement. Maybe it wasn’t even a memory, but a dream – it was hard to tell in his delirious state.
But he was pretty sure he wasn’t hallucinating when he felt soft, cold lips right next to his and heard your voice – he knew it was your voice, he’d recognize it anywhere – whispering the words he never let himself hope you’d say to him.
Words he would be damned if he didn’t say back to you.
And that’s why he was merciless with the men he encountered on his way to you and Ellie. His own tiredness and pain piercing his abdomen didn’t matter – nothing mattered when you two weren’t with him, when he didn’t know if you were hurt or even still breathing. The desire to help and protect his girls numbed the pain in his stomach so much that he almost forgot he could barely stand just a few hours ago.
Once he found Ellie and took her to a safe location, he went back to look for you. He didn’t want to leave the girl alone, but she seemed terrified at the prospect of going back and through the buildings, so he left her his gun, promising to be right back.
One of the bastards Joel ran across on his way back was helpful enough (after being shot in both knees and having his forearm broken) to direct him to the place where you were supposedly being held – a small building hidden behind the still burning dining room.
No one else stood in his way when he cautiously reached the structure. He went in and started checking every single room, getting more and more anxious every time he found them empty. At one point he was ready to tear the walls apart and go back to see if there was anyone left alive who could tell him where you were – but then spotted a hidden, smaller metal door, which apparently led to the basement.
It wasn’t locked and Joel didn’t hear anything on the other side so he opened it slowly, quickly walking down the stairs and scanning the room for any enemies, but there were none. Half of the room was enclosed by a chain-link fence and the entry to the cage was slightly open.
And inside sat you, with a cloth around your eyes and hands tied above your head.
His knees almost gave way under him from relief when you perked up at the sound of his footsteps. You were alive. You were–
“If you fucking try to touch me again, I’ll break more than your stupid jaw!” you yelled out of the blue, starting to struggle and kick haphazardly, though the placement of your wrists was forcing you to stay in a sitting position. “You motherfucker, don’t come any closer!”
The fear and desperation in your voice broke Joel’s heart in an instant and made him stop dead in his tracks.
“It’s me,” he hurried to say, but his voice was weak and the next words got stuck in his throat when he saw your bloodied nose, bruises on your face and neck, as well as a dirty bandage tied around your calf with a seizable crimson stain on it.
He ushered inside, opening the door to the cell wide open with a loud scraping. You started panicking even more, cursing and kicking when he crouched next to you, intending to untie your hands.
“I said don’t fucking touch me! I’ll kill you!” you screamed and Joel actually had to back away a little to avoid getting kicked in the ribs.
“It’s me!” he said louder, but it was clear you didn’t hear him. In a quick movement he reached out, yanking the blindfold off your eyes, and put his hands on both sides of your face. “It’s me. Joel.”
In the first moment his touch made you recoil and the look of fury deepened on your face while you continued to scream bloody murder. Your eyes were so wild and terrified, Joel wanted nothing more than to pull you close to his chest and never let go. 
“Look at me, baby. It’s alright,” he whispered soothingly, brushing his thumbs over your cheekbones like he vaguely remembered you doing when he was unconscious. “It’s me. I won’t let anyone hurt you.”
Your eyes slowly started to focus on his face for the first time since he took the blindfold off, and Joel felt like something was tearing his chest apart at the sight of fear and disbelief on your face.
“It’s okay, darlin’,” he muttered in a strangled voice, trying not to show he was close to crying, too. “It’s me. You’re safe now.”
A broken sob issued from your throat when you took in the sight of him, your eyes lingering on his face and stomach where the wound was.
“...Joel?”
“I’m here,” he said softly, quickly cutting the ropes binding you to the indent in the wall and wincing when he saw the red and purple marks around your wrists. “It’s okay.”
It wasn’t okay, not for you and not for him. Your body was trembling when he finally cut your hands free and without hesitation gathered you in his arms. It seemed like all the bottled up stress was pouring out of you now with the tears as you cried into his jacket and he held you tighter.
“J-Joel…”
“I know, babygirl,” he whispered into your hair, rocking you both back and forth slightly. You were clinging to him almost desperately and it pained him physically to see how scared you’ve been this whole time, but you were safe now, you were back with him and you were alive… “I know. I’m so sorry.”
You pulled away abruptly and looked over his shoulder, your face crumpling in despair when you saw no one there.
“They took Ellie, I don’t know where–”
“She’s safe,” he quickly assured you. “She got out and I found her just before comin’ here.”
You nodded with a sigh of relief, and he shifted his gaze to your calf, gently laying his hand just above the bandage.
“How’s your leg? Can you walk?”
“One of those fuckers shot me,” you murmured, not moving or attempting to stand up, which concerned Joel. “I didn’t really have a chance to see if I’ll be able to stand on my own but they sewed it up provisionally.” Your eyes flickered to his and you smiled softly, brushing your fingers over the back of his hand. “Not as well as you, though.” Then your smile disappeared and your hand grabbed his in a firm grip, like you wanted to make sure he was really here. “How are you, though? I was… Shit, I was so afraid I’d lose you.”
Joel could only stare at you, having no clue what to say.
He was not good at talking. He knew what he should do, though – he should examine your leg and make sure it was alright, he should go back to Ellie and get you two out of here, he should calm down his goddamn pounding heart so that he doesn’t pass out and cause you any more trouble.
But he couldn’t will his muscles to move. He couldn’t do anything, he couldn’t think about anything at all – not when you were sitting in front of him, looking at him with those tearful, gorgeous eyes of yours, holding his hand so tenderly but firmly, your touch so soothing, so familiar, and he remembered vaguely the same fingertips caressing his face.
And your voice, those words…
You said his name haltingly, but he didn’t register any of that, instead letting the overwhelming feelings of relief and fear, and – and adoration – take hold over his body, and he affectionately took your beautiful face in his hands.
Your eyes widened slightly but then these irises he dreamt about so often flickered to his lips and your own parted slightly, and that was all he needed before he leaned in and kissed you deeply.
There was a moment of hesitation on your part during which Joel began to worry that he didn’t read the situation right after all, but then you cupped his cheeks, too, and pressed yourself closer to him, letting him envelop your form in his arms with a quiet sigh.
It was better than he could have ever imagined. He could taste a hint of blood on your lips and hot, blinding rage surged through his veins at the thought of those bastards hurting you. His kiss turned harder and more desperate – he needed to make sure you were really here with him, he wanted to feel your every breath in his own lungs. You didn’t pull away, only tangling your fingers in his short hair, and the small noises you were making were driving Joel crazy with lust and relief. He felt dizzy, like he was going to faint again but he pushed through it, keeping his attention solely on you.
The second you two parted, even before you had a chance to catch your breath, the words started spilling out of his mouth fumblingly.
“Listen, I… I heard you,” he whispered, panting like he just ran a mile – and his heart certainly acted like he did. “M’pretty sure I wasn’t halucinatin’, but even if– doesn’t matter, I want… no, I need to tell you this, I…”
He exhaled nervously and shook his head, avoiding eye contact with you because he was damn sure he'd burst into flames if you looked at him like that again.
Fuck, he was really not good at this.
He cursed under his breath, missing a concerned look you gave him, and felt your hand covering his where it was still situated on your cheek. He knew that with this gesture you wanted to make it easier for him somehow, but it only caused his chest to get even warmer and tighter. “Joel, slow down–”
“I… I love you,” he finally choked out, softly brushing your cheekbones with his thumbs. And damn his old, faulty heart, he wanted to gaze into your eyes again, even if it was going to kill him, so that’s exactly what he did. “I loved you for so long, darlin’, and I got so fuckin’ scared that I won’t be able to tell you and, and it’s okay if I only imagined you saying that and you don’t feel that way, but I needed to tell you, I…”
All strength left him when he paused to draw a breath. His vision was becoming blurry and for a second he was certain he’s losing consciousness again, but it turned out they were only tears filling his eyes, blurring your form before him.
Which was even worse, somehow.
“I’m sorry.” He intended to sound reassuring and strong but it came out more like a broken whisper and he hated himself for feeling so weak and helpless when you and Ellie needed comfort and strength. He couldn’t help it though – all this time when he was looking for his girls the only things that kept him going were anger, terror and regret. Now there was relief, yes, but… he felt so very tired and old.
You turned your head slightly to plant a soft kiss on the inside of his palm, and Joel’s head snapped up. Tears were filling your eyes and he immediately scanned your body for other injuries, any signs of damage or pain, but then this gorgeous smile he so loved illuminated your face, and it put all of his anxieties at ease.
“You weren’t hallucinating,” you said quietly. “I did say that. And I love you, too, Joel.”
He couldn’t help a short, breathless and broken laugh that escaped him when he really heard you speaking those words, this time as clearly as day.
You sniffled and mirrored his smile, and in the next second Joel was kissing you again.
He knew you two had to go, had to get back to Ellie and leave this god-forsaken place, so he tried to be quick, but you – your smile, your touch, all of you – were so distracting and not eager to help him pull away in the slightest.
“I love you too, babygirl, love you so much.” He peppered your face with kisses, ignoring tears running down his cheeks and disappearing into his beard and under your hands. “So fuckin’ much… Don’t ever scare me like that again.”
“Because your old heart can’t handle it?” you teased and he huffed a laugh. A damn tease in every situation, he wanted to say, but before he had a chance to chide you, you pulled him in for another deep kiss. Joel decided you’re off the hook this time.
“Exactly, darlin’. Now hold onto my arm, we’re gonna see if you can stand, and then we’re goin’ back to Ellie.”
A hiss and a grunt of pain escaped you when he attempted to pull you to your feet, but you gritted your teeth and shook your head quickly when he froze, worry evident on his face. Turned out you could stand on your own and even slowly limp forward, but clearly had to push through intense pain to do so. Joel offered you his shoulder (against which his tired body protested immediately) but it made walking easier for you, so he sucked it up.
“I got you,” he whispered when he helped you up the stairs, keeping an arm around your waist for support. You whimpered every time you had to climb up a step, and Joel took hold of your hand, brushing his thumb over your skin lovingly. “That’s a good girl. Just a couple more.”
You didn’t let go of his hand even after these ‘couple more’ steps.
He kept his hand on your shoulder when you finally got reunited with Ellie and tears of relief spilled out of your eyes.
You tangled your fingers with his when the three of you were leaving this cursed, cruel place.
You all held each other when Ellie broke down and you both hugged her tightly, trying to make her feel safe again.
He hooked his little finger over yours, not wanting to drag you down when he started to lean on you, getting significantly weaker from how far he traveled and how hard he fought in the state he was in.
You grasped his hand again that night when you laid down next to him in his sleeping bag while Ellie was curled close to the two of you on Joel’s other side.
He didn’t let go when he leaned in to kiss you again, keeping his touch soft and gentle, and pulled you as close as he could, murmuring words of love and sweet promises into your hair.
Both of you knew you had a lot to talk about in the upcoming days – and probably even weeks. All three of you needed time to heal, physically as well as mentally.
But just for this moment, Joel couldn’t be happier and more relieved as it was slowly dawning on him that after this horrible, hellish nightmare, he had both of you right next to him, breathing and alive, and not chased by anyone for now. Two persons he loved in very different ways, but who were his entire world, whether he was ready to admit it or not.
As if reading his thoughts, you shifted slightly and kissed the edge of his jaw sleepily. His eyes closed, hiding the wetness in them.
He really couldn’t believe his luck.
4K notes · View notes
forever-rogue · 1 year
Note
Kind of a big ask…but I am a sucker for 5+1 fics. Are you able to write something from Joel’s perspective about the five times he almost kisses reader and the time he finally does?
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AN | I’ve never done one of these before and I hope it’s okay! It was so fun to write! 🥰 
Pairing | Joel Miller x Fem!Reader
Warnings | Language
Word Count | 3.7k
Masterlist | Joel, Main
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The First Time
The first time Joel almost kissed you happened to be the same night he finally met you. Yeah, it wasn’t exactly anything you had bargained for. 
You’d been drinking for a little while with your girlfriends and he’d walked into the bar and a few beers with his brother Tommy. He was new to Jackson, you knew that much, but also devilish and ridiculously handsome. 
But it definitely wasn’t love at first sight…the complete opposite honestly. He’d caught your eye right away as you had his. You’d met him and seen him in passing but - unfortunately - it hac never been more than that. 
“Hey,” it was liquid courage talking…it had to be. Normally you wouldn’t be so bold and brash. In your previous life you wouldn't have dreamed of doing this.
Joel looked at you and raised an eyebrow, making a small sound of acknowledgment before turning back to Tommy. The younger Miller, meanwhile, gave you a sweet smile and greeting. He was always kind….unlike his brother apparently. 
But in your wine-tipsy state you weren't talking no for an answer, "I said hello, Joel Miller. You're not going to say anything?"
"Hello," his lips pulled into a line as he looked you over. You couldn't tell if he hated you or wanted to devour you, "is there anything else I can do for you?"
And oh. There was just a hint of a southern drawl behind his words and you decided that you very much liked him. But that was probably just the alcohol talking. Right? Right.
"Oh, there's a few things I can think of," you said softly as you attempted to wink at him, "being less of a dick would be a start."
Tommy snorted in amusement as Joel glowered at him.
"Alright," Joel shook his head before sighing heavily. He wrapped his fingers around your wrist before gently pulling away from the table, "I think it's time for you to get home. You've had enough to drink."
“I’ve barely had anything,” you beamed at him, cheeks warm and eyes wistful, “I can handle another drink! Oh wait - dance with me!”
“I am not letting you have another drink or dancing,” he hated to admit that you were adorable even when you were tipsy, “you’re going home.”
“Only if you come with me,” you were definitely going to hate yourself in the morning when this all came back to you. 
“I am taking you home,” he agreed, looking towards your friends and gesturing that he was taking you out of the bar. They seemed to understand what was going on, wicked little smiles on their faces, “but I am not staying.”
“You’re so boring,” and yet you were following his lead, at his side like a puppy.
“And you’re not sober,” he reminded you, following your instructions to get back to your place. You fell into silence, studying each bit of him, wanting to get to know him as best as possible. You were home much more quickly than you would have liked. He turned to you and appraised you for a moment, “are you okay to get inside?”
“Yes,” your answer came out as a whisper as you looked at him with wide, soft eyes. You noticed the way his breath hitched in his throat and his hand twitched at his side. What was invisible to you was the inner turmoil that had surfaced within him as you looked at him, “Joel?”
He remained silent for a moment before bringing his hand to your face and brushing his knuckles along your cheek. You gasped lightly in surprise at the tender gesture but remained silent otherwise. It took everything within yourself not to lean into his touch. Your entire body was calling out for his touch and there was nothing you desired more than to kiss him. 
And if you weren’t mistaken, you were sure that he wanted to kiss you as well. He leaned in ever so slightly and you prepared yourself for it but then - he pulled back. 
“I can’t,” you weren’t sure if he wasn’t talking to himself or to you. You already missed the warm touch of his hand, “you’re not sober. And I’m not…I can’t.”
You swallowed thickly but nodded nonetheless taking a step closer to your front door. You offered a weak little smile in return and before disappearing inside. You watched him through the peephole; it was a while before he left.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The Second Time
The second time Joel Miller kissed you was after you were injured on patrol. 
It was a few months after he’d moved to Jackson and established a life for himself and Ellie. And ended up in a close knit friendship with you; not that you were complaining. You were just as drawn to him as he was you. 
You’d been out on patrol with Matthew when it happened. It wasn’t even anything horrible and the way you’d gotten injured was…self-inflicted. Basically you’d rolled and twisted your ankle and scraped up your knee as you tried to follow a bunny you’d seen. Yeah, alright, even saying it out loud like that made it sound terrible.
You’d seen the cute bunny and couldn’t help yourself. It wasn’t like there was anything else happening and Matthew was boring company - when he wasn’t trying to get in your pants - so you took the opportunity to see the bunny. But you’d slipped and list your footing and took a tumble you hadn’t quite expected. 
The look on Joel’s face when you had returned seemed like he was ready to commit murder to anyone who had done this to you. Oh, he was gonna love hearing that it was your fault.
“What happened?” he sounded so upset that it almost made your heart ache. He stopped in front of you, hands finding your face as he looked you over, “you’re bleeding. You’re hurt.”
“I-I didn’t,” you found it hard to focus on anything as you looked into those big brown eyes of his, “nothing happened…”
His gaze shifted to your swollen ankle and bloody knee.
“Okay nothing that anyone else did to me happened,” you laughed nervously, hoping to alleviate his worry, “I, ugh, itrippedandfell.”
“Pardon?”
“Joel, fuck,” you groaned lightly, “I saw a bunny and got off my horse and tripped and fell.”
And…now he was laughing. You pouted at him and that caused him to try and hold down his giggles. But at the same time…it felt good to see him relax and not lose his mind over you. 
“You are…” he trailed off as he tenderly wiped some dirt off your face. But when he was done he didn’t move his hand away. Instead he leaned in closely and you were positive that this was the time he was going to kiss. The tension had been building up for some time now and you kept wondering when it was going to break, “something else.”
“So are you,” you didn’t back away but the megawatt smile on his face was worth it. And if you leaned in even the slightest bit more, you could have kissed him. Your lips would have brushed up against his, “Joel Miller.”
And you wanted to kiss him and you wanted him to kiss you. To want to kiss you. Every fiber of your being was humming with energy. And just when you thought he was about to do it, slowly crouched down to look at your leg. 
“We need to get this cleaned up,” his voice sounded thick as you almost sighed in exasperation, “and get your ankle elevated and iced.”
“Yeah,” were you bad at reading the signs or was he just avoiding it all together, “good idea.”
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The Third Time
The third time that Joel Miller almost kissed you was when you were in his house, helping him take of a very sick Ellie. You loved the kid as much as you had fallen for the man himself, and you would have done anything for either of them. 
You were in the kitchen, throwing together some soup and singing along to the record you had playing. It was simple moments like this that made life feel so utterly normal and wonderful; moments that made life worth fighting for. 
“Hey,” his voice was soft as he tried not to startle you. As soon as you heard him you turned around and gave him that smile that had started to make him turn into jelly.
“Hey,” you tried to ignore the butterflies in your stomach, “how’s Ellie Bean doing?”
“Feeling a little better,” he said and you related slightly, “she’s still a little warm but she’s sleeping now.”
“Good,” you continued chopping some vegetables for the soup you were putting together, “hopefully she’ll have an appetite when she wakes up. I’m making soup…obviously.”
“It smells delicious,” he admitted as he looked over your shoulder and into the pot. You stilled momentarily as you felt him behind you, his warmth and delicious smell overwhelming your senses.
"Family recipe," you tried to keep calm, "my grandma used to make it whenever anyone got sick. She always claimed it cured you right away."
"Did it?" There was a bemused little smile on his face as he leaned against the counter. He stole a piece of carrot and popped it into his mouth to which you playfully huffed.
"No," you grinned, "but no one ever told her that. And it's still delicious. Wanna help me make some bread?"
"Whatever you want, I am at your disposal," he winked and you wanted to perish a little bit, "just have to say the word."
It turned out that Joel wasn't too bad of a helper at all. He listened to your instructions with rapt attention and then delivered on making delicious bread. It was so easy and fun with him that it had your heart yearning for this bit of domesticity all the time.
"I have something to ask you," Joel took the bread out of the oven and set it down to cool. Your heart skipped a few beats before you nodded at him to go on. First he walked over to the record player and switched it to a different record, "dance with me?"
Well. Joel Miller asking you to dance definitely wasn't on your bingo card. But you weren't about to turn him down either.
"Yes," you whispered as he came back over to you, holding out his hand. You offered him yours in return and he wasted no time in taking it and pulling you into his arms. 
You almost instantly decided that his arms might have been your favorite place in the world. His touch was gentle as the two of you stayed to the music and you laid your head on his shoulder, allowing yourself to be lulled by the steady beating of his heart.
"Joel?" After a while you whispered his name and he pulled back, watching you with curious eyes. You swallowed the lump in your throat, all words suddenly lost.
Joel seemed to know what you were saying and leaned in closely, so close to kissing you once again. You were ready to jump for joy because surely this was the time he actually did it. 
You closed your eyes and waited and just when you thought he was about to do it, "hey! Whatever you're making smells delicious."
Both of you groaned slightly when you looked over and saw a very tired but happy looking Ellie in the doorway, bundled in a large blanket. 
"Hey Ellie Bean," you tried to make the disappointment in your voice at yet again not getting by him, "its good to see you up. We made some soup and bread. Hope you're hungry!"
"Starving," she grinned; unfortunately Joel felt the same way. As did you.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The Fourth Time
The fourth time Joel Miller almost kissed you was the same night he became your savior. 
You'd gone out with your girlfriends and had some drinks. You weren't drunk, that was never your style, but it was evident that you'd had a few drinks. But you were with your friends and dancing and having a good time.
You felt safe and everything seemed fine. Joel was even in another part of the bar, out with a few with a few of the guys, unbeknownst to you. 
It wasn't that he was keeping an eye on you but…for his own sanity he was keeping a bit of an eye on you. He just wanted to know you were safe, especially when your guard might have been a little lower than normal.
And he was glad that he had. Because as he watched you dance with your friends he saw the man walk over to you. Joel stayed back for a moment to see if maybe you knew him or something. But when he leaned in and you almost instantly recoiled, a frown on your features, he knew something was wrong.
Joel wasn't about to let that happen. He was on his feet and storming over almost immediately and was grabbing the man's collar to pull him away. Anyone could have sensed what was going on. The relief on your face was palpable as you looked back at Joel. He gave you a nod before dragging the man outside. 
"What the fuck did you think you were doing in there?" His voice was low and dangerous as the man shook with nerves. He knew exactly who Joel was, "answer me!"
"N-nothing-"
"I don't believe you," Joel whispered, "and I don't think you do either. Don't ever do that again. And don't ever let me see you again."
"Sorry! I didn't know she was your girl-"
"It doesn't matter if she is or isn't," oh yeah, he was angry now, "don't ever do that to any woman - anyone - ever again."
"I said I was sorry-" and the next thing you heard was the sound of a loud cracking sound followed by some pathetic whimpering.
"Sorry isn't good enough," Joel pushed the man away and he stumbled backwards, clutching at his face, "don't let me see you again."
He ran away without another word, leaving you staring wordlessly at Joel. You couldn't deny that while your heart was racing with anxious nerves, you were feeling a type of way at how protective he was.
"You shouldn't be out here," he slowly turned around, a worried expression on his face. You could see that his hand seemed to be bothering him, "did he do anything?"
"He didn't get a chance to," you whispered as you stepped closer to him, the tension thick but the anticipation so delicious, "thank you."
"You weren't supposed to see that either," he kept his eyes on yours as if he expected you to say something yes. To yell at him or…anything, "I probably shouldn't have done that."
"You did that for me," it wasn't a question, a simple statement instead. He swallowed thickly before nodding. You were in front of him now and reached for his hand, gingerly examining the bruising that was blossoming across his knuckles, "oh. You're hurt."
"It's nothing-"
"It's not nothing," you brushed your thumb across the back of his hand as you looked at him with soft eyes. You were going to be the death of him, he was sure of it, "let me take care of you. Please?"
His breath hitched and he looked at you in wonder. How did he get so lucky as to win your affections? Something so good and pure shouldn't have to deal with something so broken. But he wasn't broken. Not to you.
Joel took his injured hand and lifted it up, putting on your face as he brushed his thumb over your cheek. Your lips pulled into a small smile as you inched closer, every part of you screaming for him to finally kiss you. 
He leaned in too - he wanted this.
And then you heard the sound of your name being called by your girlfriends as they stumbled out of the bar to make sure you were okay. The two of you pulled apart quickly, looking at each other like children that had been caught being naughty. 
You cleared your throat before pointing over your shoulder, "I, umm…I should go."
"Yes," he agreed softly.
"Put some ice on your hand, okay? I'll come by in the morning to take a look at it."
"You don't have to-"
"It wasn’t a question, Miller," you grinned, "it's a statement. So - see you in the morning."
"See you in the morning, sweetheart."
Once again so close, but so far.
-─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
The Fifth Time
The fifth time Joel Miller almost kissed you, he was positive it would happen. The universe could only keep pulling you apart for so long, right? Eventually it would have to give…or so he hoped.
It was your birthday and what better time to have a little kiss, right? The man had it all planned out. Like he was going to kiss you and put his heart out to you. Yes, it was scary and daunting and in some ways he would have rather dealt with clickers but he was going to do it. You were worth the risk.
So he planned this whole party for you; a big bash filled with lots of food, silly party games, and lots of friends. It was the biggest birthday party you'd ever had and it was never something you'd imagined having again.
But Joel wanted to celebrate you and make sure you knew how loved you were. It had been a complete surprise when Ellie had lured you to their home under the guise of needing help with schoolwork. You'd fallen for it easily but the shocked look on your face as you walked through the door had been worth it. Your eyes always seemed to find Joel and it was like there was no one else, only the two of you.
It took a while for the two of you to make your way to each other, but you finally managed to get a moment alone outside.
"Thank you for all of this," you tried to blink back the tears of emotion that had welled up, "this was so sweet of you."
"It was nothing," he tried to play it off as you just smiled at him. You reached up and brushed a few rogue curls off his forehead. The gesture was enough to make him practically vibrate with energy, "happy birthday, sweetheart."
The two of you looked at each other wordlessly, an unspoken understanding flowing between the two of you. This time, everything else be damned, you were going to kiss him. 
Joel gently cradled your face in his hands and leaned in. You could feel his warm breath fanning across your face, his lips almost touching yours-
"Hey!" Joel audibly groaned as Tommy poked his head out of the house, "let's do cake now!"
Joel audibly groaned, cursing under his breath at his younger brother. He pulled back and you looked at him sheepishly before shrugging. You quickly ducked inside before he could say anything else. You really just wanted to kiss him too.
Joel ran a hand over his tired face. Maybe the universe was trying to tell him something. But either way - universe be damned. He was going to kiss someday.
─── ・ 。゚☆: *.☽ .* :☆゚. ───
And Finally
When Joel Miller finally - finally - kissed you, you'd all but given up on anything happening between the two of you. Part of you, the very disappointed part of you, thought that the universe might just want you to be friends.
But then it happened.
It was at a wedding in the spring. At first you'd thought it was odd when people were still having weddings in this day and age. Then you realized why people did it - it was a sense of normalcy, of life going on, and was still something special.
So there you were, celebrating Anna and Nathan's wedding. And you were having fun, despite what you'd initially thought. You'd gone with Joel and Ellie, and it was definitely not a date…despite how much you wanted it to be.
You were on the dance floor with some of your girlfriends when the beautiful bride decided to toss the bouquet. Antiquated tradition? Yes. Still tons of fun? Also yes.
The only surprising thing was when you caught the pretty flowers, easily and effortlessly. You made a small sound of surprise and when you looked up you immediately caught Joel's eye. Because of course you did. Of course.
Joel's expression turned incredulous as a smile tugged up the corner of his mouth. Your face turned so warm that you forced yourself to look away. 
Eventually the excitement died down and you stepped outside for a breath of fresh air. It wasn't long before you heard his telltale footsteps making their way over to you. 
You turned around and smiled softly at him. He looked ridiculously handsome and it only served to make your heart ache, but in a happy way, "hi."
"Hi," he smiled back at you. And then it happened - finally! 
He took your face in his large, soft hands and didn't hesitate to kiss you. It took you a moment to catch up with what was happening but when you did, you kissed him right back, settling your hands on his hips.
Kissing Joel Miller felt so natural and easy; like you'd been doing this for years. You hoped you'd be doing it for many years to come.
Joel only pulled away, reluctantly still, when you both needed a moment to breathe. You looked at each for a moment before sharing a soft giggle. 
"Finally," you beamed at him and he practically melted, "had to wait long enough for that."
"I hope it was worth it," he touched your cheek tenderly.
"Absolutely."
"Good," and then he kissed you again, "because I plan on doing that a lot more."
"I hope that means forever," and yeah. You were kinda, sorta, definitely in love with him.
"Forever is perfect."
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awkward-sultana · 11 months
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5 Times Joel Engaged in Minor PDA + 1 Time He Engaged in Major PDA
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Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader
Word Count: 6.6k
Warnings: Implied smut, use of Y/N, medical terminology and mentions of medical conditions (child death/miscarriage, head injuries) and operations (stitches,) injuries, drinking/alcohol, cursing, mentions of death, guns and shootouts, PDA (mostly kissing), panic attacks, unwanted advances from minor male characters.
Summary: Joel Miller has always had a bit of trouble with PDA, but he's learning.
I. You loved Jackson, loved this new normal you had never even considered possible in your 30 years of life. You had only been 10 when the outbreak happened, all scraped knees and tangled hair, giggling over notebooks and glitter pens. Now, after losing your entire family, being expedited through an intensive medical training program, and trekking across the country with a feral 14 year old and a loaded gun of a middle aged man, you felt about 100.
Here, in Jackson, surrounded by laughing children, smiling parents, and a wall that seemed to keep out the rest of the world, you felt like maybe you could discover some semblance of the normal you had before.
Even you, Joel and Ellie had bloomed into the little family you dreamed of having on those warm nights when you couldn't sleep for the sound of death in the distance. It had been rough, the three of you settling into your small home in Jackson, especially between you and Joel. It had all culminated one night in a screaming match in the barn between the two of you when, like you knew he would, he tried to run away, afraid to lose another family. You had told him to leave and never come back, so goddamn angry he would abandon Ellie like that, make her lose another person when you had both promised her you'd give her a good life with two people who loved her. Joel had left, shattering your heart and sending Ellie into a spiral that resulted in quite a few fist fights with older kids. Thankfully, she had had Dina to ground her. You had no one. You didn't let Ellie see your heartbreak after he rejected you, didn't let her take on the weight of someone else's world again. Joel had ended up returning a week later at 3 AM with soft words you didn't know he was capable of, promises to never leave again, and a ring you didn't pry about, not wanting to know where he got it. You had forgiven him almost instantly like the lovesick idiot you were, but it took a few days and a few rancid curses and half hearted shoves from Ellie before he found forgiveness from her.
Now, your normal was beginning to lay a foundation. Ellie was attending school, Joel had found his footing as a handy man and patroller, while you were at the medical clinic, using your medical education from one of the last remaining hospitals in the US and learning from the more experienced doctors already set up in Jackson.
Things were as perfect as they could be. Except for one or two things that irked you a little bit. Most specifically, Joel's complete aversion to PDA. You were young, pretty (of course you were pretty, you looked like your mom and your grandmother), and had a growing appetite for physical affection now that you found a man who spoke to every part of you. Joel, on the other hand, struggled quite a bit with physical affection in public settings. He was affectionate in private and had no problem keeping up with you behind closed doors, but out in public...let's just say, people were honestly shocked when they found out you were a couple, and not just because of the age difference.
While it was something you had long ago made peace with, you still found your mind wandering down other avenues of possibilities, such as now as you finished putting away the last of the files at the clinic. It was Friday afternoon and the clinic was closing early because there were no patients on the schedule and it was the first day of fall, so everyone wanted to get outside while the sun was still up and enjoy the beautiful weather before the winter chill settled in. The other staff had taken off before you, eager to go and be with their families. You were happy to stay behind and close up, as Ellie was staying after school to help out with one of the teachers and Joel was on patrol until late.
"Need any help?"
Cursing hysterically, you whirled around at the sound of a male voice behind you. Greg, one of the farmers stood in the doorway, having the courtesy to look bashful for scaring the hell out of you.
You took a moment to catch your breath, putting a hand to your pounding heart and letting out a startled laugh. "Jesus. Sorry. No, thanks, Greg. I appreciate it but this is all confidential information. I'm actually almost done anyway."
He grinned and you had to admit that he was handsome. "Is anything really confidential in Jackson?"
You laughed again, seeing his point. Nothing was private in such a small town. Sometimes 300 people felt more like 30. "Even so, I know at least four people in these files who would be pissed if anyone besides their doctors saw their medical information."
Greg held up his hands in a well meaning acknowledgment of defeat. "Totally understand. I actually have a question for you."
More than used to having citizens pull you aside and bashfully ask for medical advice, you set down the stack of files in your hands and turned to fully face Greg, your stethoscope swinging on your neck.
"Sure. What the problem?"
"What are you doing tonight?"
You blanched, but recovered quickly. This wasn't the first time a man in Jackson had asked you out since you had arrived in Jackson, and you were sure it wouldn't be the last. Greg was the second this week. Of all the gossip that seemed to travel around Jackson, the fact that you weren't interested in dating didn't seem to be part of it.
You pasted on what you called your 'patient smile.' "I'm flattered, Greg, but I'm not really looking right now."
He chuckled. "I'd be careful with that. Pickins' are pretty slim here. Wouldn't want to find yourself runnin' out of time." You pursed your lips and narrowed your eyes, not impressed by his not so subtle implication that you were already over the hill at 30 years old.
"I'm actually not too worried. Again, I'm flattered, but I'm not interested." When Greg took a step closer, you instinctively backed up further into the room. You didn't know if he was purposefully being intimidating, but you weren't a fan either way. "Any way I can change your mind?" he asked.
"She said she wasn't interested."
You jumped at the deep voice coming from the doorway and Greg turned, neither of you having heard Joel come into the clinic. He stood in the doorway, his rifle slung over his shoulder and his brow furrowed deep. In his heavy boots and heavier coat, he looked even bigger than normal.
"Hey, Joel," Greg chirped, somehow unaware of the menace in the room. "I'm just chatting with y/n here. Thought you were on patrol."
Joel was walking through the room this time, sticking to the perimeter, his eyes not leaving Greg. "Horse started limpin'. Doc Jetson's takin' a look at her." Joel had made it to your side and had angled his body toward you, the front of his coat brushing your shoulder. He looked ready for a fist fight. You were just shocked he was being this obvious about getting close to you in a semi-public place.
"Well," Greg continued, somehow missing the obvious body language of the two people in front of him. "I was hoping to talk y/n into changing her mind." A bright, boyish smile. "Got any tips?"
"Don't think it's going to work out for you this time, bud," Joel responded, no longer looking at him. He was now reaching very deliberately across your chest and pulling the stethoscope from around your neck and tossing it gently on the counter next to you. "You ready?"
You nodded, still baffled at his behavior. His hand on the small of your back sent a thrill up your spine and you allowed him to usher you past Greg, who was staring at the both of you with raised eyebrows.
Outside, the sky was frosted and there was a glorious bite in the air. You had been in the clinic all day and the sharp temperature change made you shudder and wrap your arms around yourself.
Joel looked down at you and quirked an eyebrow. "You bring a coat?"
"No, Bev Lanson's daughter fell out of her bed and needed stitches in her scalp at 5 this morning so I didn't get to grab one."
"And Ellie said she never saw you at the mess hall for lunch."
You grimaced at the chiding, but a glance at Joel showed his mouth was quirked up in amusement and he was shaking his head. "Hold this." You only just caught his rifled as he hauled it over his shoulder and plopped it in your arms to take off his coat.
It was heavy and warm as he settled it around your shoulders. You grinned like an idiot as you held it around your shoulders and leaned into him. While he didn't put his arm around you, he let you lean deep into his side as you walked through the town.
II. You exploded out of the clinic, making three women who were headed to 5 AM morning patrol jump and look at you like startled deer, their rifles clattering together as they stumbled against each other. You ignored them and Dr. Hansen's voice behind you as you stormed down the steps and down the road toward the barn.
Your chest was tightening. Your lungs were constricting. Your heart was a hammer in your chest. You were having a panic attack. The first since you got to Jackson and the first in months. Your last panic attack had been when you though the fireflies were going to tear Ellie's brainstem out. Flora's baby hadn't made it. Only two months left on a seemingly health fetus and she had miscarried. Jackson didn't have the equipment for an operation, so you had done your best to stem the bleeding, then held her as Dr. Hansen finished up. She had been bawling so hysterically you thought she was going to pass out and you were the only person she would let hold her.
It was the first time in Jackson that something had felt so truly hopeless. Was this the future here? Watching people die? You had come to Jackson to escape that and now you wrist deep in the blood.
You sucked in a violent breath as you approached the sheep pen, a new sense of panic settling in when you realized breathing was getting more difficult.
In...Out...In...Out.
You closed your eyes and repeated the mantra in your head as you leaned against the rails of the paddock, gripping the splintered wood in your palm.
"Y/N?"
Starting violently, you whirled around and ran straight into Joel's chest. When he grabbed your arms to steady you, you jerked back, your body defaulting to fight or flight. He held fast, pulling you back into his chest, even as you shoved at him.
"Calm down, honey. Take a breath. Just like you taught me."
You closed your eyes again and took another deep breath, but it only whistled through your lungs in a weak gasp. Gripping the lapels of his thick coat in your hands, you tried again, shutting your eyes tight and bending your head in concentration. Joel took a step forward until the top of your head was pressed to his chest. After a few more deep breaths, he cupped your face in his callused hands and pulled your head up to rest your forehead against his heart. You listened to the strong beat beneath his sternum and the soothing words he murmured into your hair, felt the bite of his zipper against your palms and the scent of hay on his flannel.
After what felt like a lifetime, your breathing returned to normal and your heart resumed it's regular beat.
"There, honey. Good. Good."
Pulling your head from his chest, you opened your eyes and stared up at Joel's bearded face, his eyes creased with worry but strong with resolve. Leaning forward, you buried your nose against the exposed patch of skin beneath his shirt and took a deep inhale. The two of you stood like that in comforting silence until you cleared your throat and pulled lightly at his grip. He let go of your face, but cupped your shoulders and pulled back slightly to look down into your eyes.
"What happened, baby?"
You cleared your throat again. "Nothing. I mean...I'll tell you later. I have to get back before Dr. Hansen finds me and calls me a pussy." A grizzled old army surgeon, he didn't take lightly to what he perceived as weakness.
"I'll walk you back."
That took you a bit by surprise, but you wouldn't say no. One of the first things Joel had ever told you when you met - after nearly blowing your head off - was that he didn't do comforting or coddling. He had gotten better, but he was always visibly uncomfortable.
He didn't press any further as you walked down the road back to the clinic, but he reached his hand out to brush it against yours and eventually tuck it into his own.
You took another deep breath when you got to the porch of the clinic, bracing yourself for Dr. Hansen's inevitable speech.
"You sure you're okay?" Joel asked again.
"Yeah," you answered, not actually lying this time. "Yeah, I'll be fine. Thanks."
Before you took a step forward, he took the back of your neck in a gentle grip and laid a long kiss to your temple.
As you trudged up the stairs, you turned and gave him a sultry look over your shoulder. "You can just talk me through anything, can't you?" You squealed and laughed, jumping through the door as he reached out to pinch your ass.
III. "Hey!
When Joel didn't immediately turn around, you looked around for something to throw at him. Spotting a bucket of freshly picked apples, you picked one up, tested the weight with a little toss, then hurled it at the back of his head.
He turned immediately, looking every bit the grumpy old man as he glared at you and rubbed the back of his head.
"What the hell was that for?"
"You didn't answer me."
"I didn't hear you."
"Hence the apple."
Joel rolled his eyes as he picked his way through the sheep he had been corralling into the paddock. Slipping yourself through the gaps in the fence, you leaned back against it and gave him an innocent smile.
Crossing the paddock, he fixed you with an exasperated but amused look. "What do you want?"
"What do you want for dinner tonight?
He snorted. "That's what you threw an apple at my head for?"
You rolled your eyes in response. "Ellie left for that nature trip with her class this morning so we can make whatever we want." For a feral cat of a child, Ellie could be surprisingly picky.
That seemed to peek Joel's interest. "Hmmm. How about steak and potatoes?" You grinned, having started prepping this morning knowing he would choose that. "Perfect."
You stood in companionable as Joel got the sheep settled and fed. You piped up again, "Ellie won't be getting back until Sunday night."
"That's what I heard."
"And neither of us are on shift this weekend."
"Yeah, 'bout time."
"I wonder what in the world we'll do all weekend."
Joel shrugged, your innuendo flying straight over his head. "No clue. Probably catch up on the sleep I haven't gotten for the past 20 years."
You rolled your eyes. "Joel...Joel." His head shot up from the stubborn sheep he was trying to push around with his knees. "What?"
"We're alone for a whole weekend, with no reason to leave the house, for the first time since we got here and all you can think about is sleeping?"
It took him a long moment, but then his mouth turned up into a sly smile and he maneuvered around the sheep to stand in front of you.
"Did you have something else in mind, darlin'?" His broad hands settled on your hips.
You pretended to think. "I'm not sure. Sounds like sex isn't on my husband's mind half as much as mine. Plenty of other single men to choose from--"
You squealed and laughed when Joel plucked you up off the ground and sat you down on the top rung of the fence. You hooked your feet around the bottom rung and clutched his shoulders for balance. He squeezed your hips and gave you a narrow eyed look, oblivious to the stares you had garnered. "Brat. Try it and I'll suddenly remember how to brawl."
"I've seen you brawl at least ten times since I've met you."
"Should've seen me in my twenties."
You squeezed his shoulders, kneading your nails into the thick material of his coat before murmuring quietly, "All I care about is that you know how to brawl with me." Joel groaned and hauled you down for a long, desperate kiss to your mouth. Turning, he tried to adjust himself as discreetly as possible before walking back out into the pen. You remained on the fence for a little while longer, heart glowing every time Joel walked past to give you a peck on the knee and a sultry look that promised many things.
The two of you turned in about three hours early that evening, your carefully prepared steak barely touched.
IV. "Where'd you get that dress, y/n?"
You turned away from the carrots on the counter to Ellie, who was flopping down the hallway of your home with her usual puppy-like grace.
"Oh, Mrs. Sawyer made it for me for delivering her new grandbaby. Do you like it?" It was short and airy, made you feel feminine and beautiful after spending day after day in scrubs. It was unseasonably warm today, probably the last warm day before fall fully settled in. "Yeah, I like it a lot," she answered as she swiped a carrot off the counter.
You gave her a side eyed smirk. "Want me to ask her to make you one?"
Ellie blushed and sputtered. "What? No! No way! I mean...I'm okay. Seriously. Where are you going?"
"Maria, Leslie and Megan invited me to the bar. And no I'm not sneaking you a beer."
Elli glared and grumbled something as she headed to the front door, trying and failing to dodge the hand you reached out to ruffle her hair. As you turned back to your food prep, you heard Ellie say hello to Joel as he walked into the house, heard his answering grunt of greeting. The door closed behind Ellie and you heard Joel stride across the wood floors until he was standing right behind you. You shuddered when he traced his hands lightly up the sides of your thighs, inching the dress up your legs. "I like this dress," he rumbled, laying a long kiss to your hair.
"Yeah, me too. Brenda Sawyer wanted to pay me somehow." He was pressing in tight to you now, cradling your hips back against his, your dress above your waist now. He nuzzled another kiss to you hair. "I'll have to thank her. Where you headed all dressed up?"
Your grip tightened on the hilt of the knife as he slowly kissed down your neck, his hands kneading your hips. "Tipsy Bison with Maria and, um, some other women. Drinks." Joel gave your hips a squeeze one final kiss to your shoulder before pulling away. "I'll go with you." You looked over your shoulder and raised an eyebrow. "Really?" He raised an eyebrow right back. "Yes, really. Why is that so shocking?"
You shrugged and went back to chopping carrots. "No, it's just you've never gone with me before. I guess you're usually on patrol." He struggled being idle.
"First time for everything. What time you going?"
"I was thinking about 30 minutes?"
"Plenty of time."
The knife was pushed out of your hand and the carrots swiped to the side. You shrieked and laughed when Joel whirled you around, shoved your dress back up your hips, and plucked you up onto the counter. You wrapped your arms around his broad shoulders as his mouth found yours.
A quick 20 minutes later and narrowly avoiding a second round, you two were walking into Tipsy Bison, which was already in full swing. Joel had walked a little closer to you than normal, his fingertips brushing the hem of your dress as you walked. After a brief brush of his hand on the small of your back, you went your separate ways in the bar, you heading toward a booth with the women who had invited you, and Joel toward his brother and some other men he often found himself paired with on patrol. As much as you would have liked to stick by his side all night, you were happy he was trusting people enough to make friends. Despite the fact that he fucked you hoarse nearly every night, you felt a bit like a proud mom sometimes.
As the night went on, the drinks flowed and the laughter became louder. The warm weather seemed to settle in everyone's bones and everyone was on the small dance floor, from the 70 year old carpenter shuffling with his three toddler granddaughters to the fifteen year old girl shyly asking her classmate to dance. You and your friends had made your way out to the floor as well, your drinks sloshing onto the floor as you laughed and danced like teenagers. When a slow song came on and the lights dimmed, the string lights on the ceiling coming on, you began to make your way back to your booth, but a warm hand on your wrist stopped you. Turning, you found Joel standing behind you. You frowned in confusion. "You okay?"
He frowned right back as he tugged you toward him, pulling your arm around his shoulder and sliding his other hand across your waist. "Does something have to be wrong for me to dance with you?"
Smiling big, you tightened your arms around his shoulders and pressed tight to his front as his callused hands settled on your hips, massaging your skin through the thin fabric of your dress. "Joel Miller knows how to dance?"
He chuckled as you both began to sway to the beat. "I never said that." Grinning back, you massaged the nape of his neck and nuzzled you cheek against his shirt, closing your eyes and listening to the strong pulse of his heart. When the song ended, he wrapped your hand in his and led you back to the bar, shouldering through curious looking patrons. Maybe it was the whisky, but he was handsy for the rest of the night, pulling you between his legs as he sat at the bar talking with some of the other guys from his normal patrol, his arm around your waist as he laughed and sipped his whisky. Around midnight, it was you who tugged on his hand and informed him it was time to go. You only made it around the back of the bar before your dress was around your waist for the second time that night.
V. It had been a long, busy day at the clinic. All the doctors and nurses were called in to treat all sorts of injuries, allergies, bites, coughs, stomach aches, bloody noses, etc. By 6 PM, all you wanted to do was collapse into bed, but a pile of charts was waiting for you and you had already been hounded twice about being behind. Scrubbing your hands over your eyes, you reached for the folder at the top of the file.
"Y/n?"
You turned as Maria came into the clinic, red cheeked and huffing like she had run there.
"Yeah, hi, what's wrong?"
"It's Joel. Sally's gun went off close to him, grazed him on the side of the head. He says--"
You were already shoving past her and sprinting down the road, your heart hammering beneath your ribs. You heard Maria call after you then curse, but you didn't stop, dodging people and moving past the guards through the now open gate.
The patrolmen had stopped a few hundred feet from the entrance. A few had dismounted their horses and were gathered around someone with their head down. "Move," you ordered, putting every ounce of hard earned medical authority into your voice. The crowd parted and you saw Joel standing there, his head bent and his gloved hand prodding at a serious laceration at the side of his head. Your heart flew into your throat as you stopped in front of him and pulled his hand away from his head. "Stop doing that," you snapped.
Joel rolled his eyes but did as he was told, letting his arm fall to his side but keeping his head bent so you could take it in your hands and turn it this way and that. You cleared your throat, not fully trusting yourself to speak, but knowing you had to nonetheless. "Decent laceration, nothing serious. Worse than it looks. Few stitches should be fine."
"Can you make it to the clinic, Joel?" Tommy asked, earning an irritated look from his big brother. "Yes, I can make it back to the damn clinic. She didn't blow my head off." Then he turned back to you. "And what are you doing out here without a gun or an escort?"
You gave him a furious glare. "Don't start. C'mon before you faint." With that, you turned on your heel and strode back toward the gates. There was some shuffling and mutters before you heard the group following behind you.
You got back to the clinic a few minutes before them and grabbed the suture kit, laying it all out for when they arrived. Hearing heavy boots come up the stairs and Joel tell Tommy to "get off me", you turned in time to see Joel poke his head in, then quickly duck back out. You came to the door. "What?"
He cleared his throat, looking a little green. "It...It smells. I'm gonna be sick if I have to go in there."
"You're nauseous?"
"Yeah, I guess."
The anxiety flared back up but you slammed it back down. "Then your head wound is worse than I thought. You might have a concussion. Fine, sit down on the bench."
He did as he was told, this time not yelling at Tommy for guiding him with a hand to the elbow. He sat down with a grunt, pulling off his gun and disarming it.
"Ya'll good here?" Tommy asked and you nodded. "Yeah, I'll patch him up and put him to bed."
"I don't need-"
"Be quiet."
Joel scowled at you and then at Tommy, who didn't bother hiding his grin before turning away toward Maria, who was waiting at the bottom of the stairs.
You unloaded your kit in silence, cleaning up the dried blood before running a lidocaine pad over the cut. It really wasn't too bad, but it was over his old scar and would be tricky to suture at the angle you were now at. After a few minutes, you very gently prodded the skin around the cut. "Feel that?"
"No ma'am."
"Good, tilt your head to the side and don't move or I'll sew your ear to your head." You heard him chuckle, but he once again did as he was told. Stepping closer to him, you angled his head to the side. You were so focused you almost didn't notice his hands come up and begin massaging the backs of your legs in slow, sweeping motions from the tops of your thighs to the back of your knees. When he got close enough to your backside to make you shudder, you gave his hair a little tug. "You're distracting me."
Joel only hummed in answer, his eyes closing almost in relaxation, as if you weren't sewing his head shut. His hands settled at the backs of your knees, his forehead resting against your chest as you finished up your work. He didn't let go of you immediately, instead pulling his head up and resting his chin between your breasts, blinking lazily up at you. You let yourself wrap your arms around his neck and stare down at him, the forceps and scissors still in your hands.
"You were shot."
"Yep."
"Don't let it happen again."
His mouth curved in an amused smile and his hands squeezed your knees. "Yes, ma'am."
"Now go to bed."
He seemed to open his mouth to object but you cocked your eyebrow in a withering glare. Sighing, he stood with your help, gave you a chaste peck on the head, and grabbed his rifle before moving off toward your home.
+ I. "Wait, so are you and Joel actually, like, married?"
You blinked at Maria's question. You had never actually never been asked that before, as most people didn't even know you were together. You often wore the ring he gave you, if not on your hand, then on a thin chain around your neck, and you had never bothered getting a ring for Joe, as you wouldn't even know where to get one. You did refer to him as your husband and he told you he thought of you as his wife and referred to you as such whenever it came up.
When you were younger, you had, of course, had the girlhood dreams of a big white wedding and a storybook marriage, but when the virus struck, it all seemed so trivial. Now...you weren't really sure how you felt.
"I mean, I guess not," you finally answered with a shrug. "Never really considered making it official."
"What're you two yappin' about back there?"
Both you and Maria flinched in your saddles when Chet barked back at you, nudging your horses faster to keep up with the rest of the patrol. They had been short a man today after Will sprained his ankle, so you volunteered to step in since the clinic was slow and fully staffed. Joel had groused about it, but you were excited to go beyond the walls for even a few hours. And nothing had happened on patrols in months, so you weren't particularly worried.
"Do you want to make it official?" Maria prodded when the two of you got a little closer to the rest of the group, but still far enough back to have some privacy.
"Again, never really thought about it. We've just been getting settled and making sure Ellie gets settle." Another shrug. "It just hasn't been a priority."
"Do you want it to be a priority?"
You gave her a hard side eye. "What's with the sudden investment in me and Joel's relationship? When we got here you didn't even like-"
"RAIDERS!"
Your stomach dropped, panic barreling up your spine into your heart as chaos ensued. Shots rang out and people shouted as horses screamed and reared up in surprise. You scrambled for the gun at your hip, pulling it out just in time to get a raider in the knee and finish him off with one to the head. More shots sounded, closer this time and there was another cry of pain as eleven more raiders closed in.
Pain burned through your arm and you cried out, dropping your gun, which went off as it hit the ground. Your horse reared up in surprise, sending you out of the saddle and sprawling to the ground. When your back met the grass, the pandemonium faded away, overwhelmed by a deafening ring as your head snapped back on your spine and your brain slammed against your skull. Groaning, you tried to breathe through the pain.
It all came roaring back when a massive weight fell into your gut, pushing the air out of your lungs in a massive below. The unblinking eyes of the raider sprawled over you stared back at you and you heaved him off with a grunt. Pushing to your knees, you just avoided a riderless horse as it galloped past you, back toward the commune.
There was still shouting, gunshots, shrieking horses and grunts of pain. As everything came back into focus, you managed to reach out and grab a raider by the ankle, sending him sprawling onto the ground in front of you. He turned onto his back, eyes wild as he leveled the barrel of a pistol between your eyes...
His head snapped back and his gun dropped from his hand, his whole body going limp from the bullet in the back of his head. Blinking against the sun, you could see the group of people running from the direction of Jackson, each of them stopping sporadically to steady themselves and fire off a shot. It was Joel who slowly lowered a rifle aimed in your direction, his eyes wild and his chest heaving.
The group was on you in the next second, falling on the last remaining raiders as they attempted to escape, leaving their dead behind. You hadn't made it to your feet yet, the pain in your arm screaming even as the pain in your head receded. It was Joel who finally hauled you up despite your cry of pain when he grabbed you under the arms.
"What is it? Where? Where does it hurt? Show me! Show me!!" You had never heard him sound so frantic as he ran his hands roughly over your body, unzipping your jacket to look for blood on your shirt.
"My-My arm. It's my arm."
His hands became gentle as he took your arm in his hands and cradled it for Dr. Hansen as he bustled over with a medical kit.
"Just a flesh wound," he said gruffly. "Let's get her back to the clinic. You'll need quite a few stitches. Thank christ you're the only injury."
Joel rounded on you, taking your other arm in his hand and placing a hand on your back to guide you back toward Jackson with the rest of patrol following close behind.
An hour later, you and Joel walked out of the clinic, your arm freshly stitched but still burning in pain. Joel had watched over Dr. Hansen like a bear until you thought the two of them would come to blows. You were exhausted and just wanted to shower and sleep forever. Joel had been quite since you had gotten back and you had a feeling he would blow up when you got back to your house, ban you from ever going on patrol again, and sleep outside your bedroom door with his rifle.
"Joel," you finally prodded as you stepped onto the porch of the clinic, his back to you as he stared out over the town, hands on his hips. "Are you okay?"
Silence.
You sighed. "Joel, will you please--"
"Let's get married."
You blinked, not sure if you had heard that right or if you had rattled your brain more than you thought.
"I'm sorry?"
He turned to face you, his face completely serious. "Let's get married. Right now."
"Joel, what are you--"
He strode toward you and cupped your face so tenderly you could have cried. He let out a trembling breath as he leaned his forehead against yours. "We should have gotten married the day we got to Jackson. It didn't seem important then but now...I didn't know why."
You reached up to grip his wrists. "It doesn't matter to me if we make it official in any way or any of the legal stuff. Is that what's bothering you?"
"You could have died today."
That realization settled into your stomach for the first time and you barely suppressed a shudder. "I could have."
"We've both almost died a hundred times since we've met, and every day I wondered...would they have buried us next to each other? Would anyone have known that we loved each other after we're gone?"
For the first time in a long time, you were speechless, enamored by this man who made you weak.
"I just..." he took a shuddering breath. "I-I love you on purpose. And I want everyone to know. I want you to know."
You opened your mouth once. Twice. "I...okay. Yes. Yes."
"Yes?"
"Yes."
"TOMMY!"
His shout sent your brain reeling again and you nearly fell as he let go of your head and whirled around.
Tommy poked his head out from behind the horse he was leading to the barn. "Yeah?"
"Where's Pastor John? Y/N and I are getting married."
"What?"
"Pastor John? Where is he?"
"I heard that part." Tommy had abandoned the horse to a passing woman and headed over, his face comically confused. "You're getting married?"
"Yeah."
"Right now?"
"Yes! Right now!"
Joel had grabbed your hand in his and was pulling you down the stairs toward the church.
"I...okay." Tommy trailed behind the two of you, cupping his hands around his mouth and calling out for Pastor John. You had drawn a crowd by this point, Jackson citizens wandering out of the buildings and murmuring excitedly as Joel beat a warpath toward the church and you stumbled after him, grumbling at Tommy to stop yelling before you punched him.
Finally, Pastor John appeared out of the mess hall, adjusting his glasses and straightening the collar of his flannel like it was a full cassock. "What's all the hollerin' about?"
"Y/N and I are getting married," Joel stated as he came to a stop, causing you to run into him with a grunt. "Right now."
Pastor John blinked and looked at you as if for confirmation. You leaned into Joel and nodded happily, the reality of the situation finally beginning to settle. You were getting married. Joel wanted to marry you. And he wanted the whole town to see.
"Ah, okay," Pastor John finally said, adjusting his glasses again. "I guess we should head on over to the church."
The mass of people at your back grew with every step you took through the town until you were all 300 of them were tittering like school kids behind you.
"Move! MOVE! No, you get out of my way. Y/n!"
You turned in time to see Ellie shoulder her way through the crowd until she was at your side, her chest heaving like she had personally shoved aside all 300 people to reach you. She stared up at you with huge eyes. "Were you really going to get married without me?"
You cupped her face in your hands. "Baby, I didn't even know I was getting married until five minutes ago."
"Can I be your bridesmaid?"
You laughed. "Of course." She gave you a massive grin and threw her arms around your middle, holding you tight and you could hear her sniffling against your chest.
Twenty minutes later, every citizen in Jackson, from the oldest to the youngest, had squeezed into the small church with you and Joel at the front with Pastor Joe, Elli standing behind you holding a handful of daisies she had ripped from the ground outside the sheep pen.
"...I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."
You expected a small, chaste peck on the lips, but Joel took your face in his hands and swooped down to take your mouth in a kiss so intense you had to grip his shoulders to stay upright. The church exploded in applause and cheers and Joel pulled you back upright, giving you one more chaste kiss before giving you the biggest smile you had ever seen on him. Taking your hand in his, he walked you down the crowded aisle.
He never let go of it again.
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nicolethered · 1 year
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A sampling of some of my favorite bts Pedro gifs
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versiculosbiblicos · 8 months
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the-irreverend · 1 year
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Am I going crazy, or does this man keep getting hotter with every passing episode?
Probably both.
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rakkikuroba · 1 year
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Resident Evil 5, nothing changes except everytime someone says Uroboros it’s changed to Natalia mispronouncing Uroboros : "Oubarobo"
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lumafiiks · 24 days
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La canción pregunta... ¿QUE TENIAN AQUELLOS QUE DIOS LOS USÓ?
🙏🏼Te invito que primeramente escuches la canción. Luego lee y reflexiona.
Para comenzar "La unción no estaba en el aire" La unción estaba sobre ellos y en ellos. Todos ellos tenían Temor a Jehová, tenían ayuno, oración y vigilia. Tenían obediencia a Dios, tenían callos en sus rodillas, por eso estaban llenos de la Gloria del Señor. Buscaban su presencia con fé y hallaron gracia ante los ojos de Jehová. No calumniaban, no maltrataban, no daban malos ejemplos, no mentían, no adoraban imágenes, no robaban, no fornicaban, no vacilaban. Ellos no andaban prácticamente desnudos, No andaban haciendo tropezar a nadie. Ellos le decían NO a la tentación, no permitieron que el pecado los doblegue. Ellos oraban y Dios los usaba por que tenían SANTIDAD A JEHOVÁ. 1 Pedro 1:15-16 Estuvieron dispuestos a guardarse para Dios exclusivamente. Ellos conocían la voz del Señor de cerca y se dispusieron hacer la voluntad de Dios sin cuestionarle nada, ellos estaban con el fuego del Espíritu Santo y nunca dejaron el primer amor. Ellos llegaron hasta las últimas consecuencias sin abandonar a Cristo, sin dudar y sin maldecir a Dios.
Ahora te pregunto, SERÁ QUE DIOS CAMBIO? No, Dios no cambio y no cambiará jamás. ÉL es el mismo de ayer hoy y por los siglos de los siglos, AMÉN. Hebreos 13:8
Los que cambios fuimos nosotros. Al abandonar la oración ya abandonamos todo y por eso hoy vemos esos que gritan sin unción en el templo, vemos que se sacuden para todos lados y balbucean palabrerias sin una dirección divina. A muchos podrán engañar, pero quienes conocen el mover del Espíritu Santo y teniendo el espíritu de desernimiento no los pueden ir a decir que eso es palabra de Jehová. Por eso en aquel día se presentarán ante el Señor y le dirán: "Señor, Señor, ¿no profetizamos en tu nombre, y en tu nombre echamos fuera demonios, y en tu nombre hicimos muchos milagros? Y entonces les declararé: Nunca os conocí; apartaos de mí, hacedores de maldad. Mateo 7:21-24
Lee Isaías y medirá en ello.
Mí amiga/o: Busca a Dios con corazón sincero y humilde, reconocerlo en todos tus caminos para que así puedas conocer su voz de verdad y no seguir a esos que solo te mienten para decir que son grande entre su pueblo y los admiren dándoles la gloria a ellos.
Dice la Biblia en Proverbios 1:7 "El principio de la sabiduría es el temor de Jehová;..." Si, leiste bien, TEMOR, NO mundanalidad, trivialidad o frivolidades. También leemos en Proverbios 4:23 "Sobre toda cosa guardada, guarda tu corazón; Porque de él mana la vida."
Te es de Bendición? Comparte para que ellos también sean Bendecidos🙆🏻‍♀️
Lucii, 🌺 "Su Gracia y Amor son Sublime"
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stopstopstopit · 2 years
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My hand slipped and I wrote another fic….
An All Too Familiar Ache
Read it on AO3
5 (and a half) times someone assumed Cobb and the Mandalorian didn’t know each other, and 1 time everyone definitely knew they did.
“It’s Din,” came the Mandalorian’s soft reply, “my name is Din. Din Djarin.”
Cobb blinked for a moment. Maybe this was a sign he truly was concussed, was he hallucinating?
His name. Mando trusted Cobb enough to give him his name. Cobb couldn’t remember the last time he’d felt so elated, broken nose and all.
“Mighty fine to meet you, Din Djarin,” Cobb’s face broke into an all out grin and he gave Mando’s shoulder a squeeze, “the name suits you. But I think after today, I might just call you my hero.”
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inhidingxoxo3637 · 2 years
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what did they say to him
"ooga booga" but like they're insulting him in caveman
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twwcs · 11 months
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someone resting their head on your shoulder is the best compliment in my opinion
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Pedro Pascal on The Last of Us Season 1
as Joel on The Last of Us (S1 E5)
Information on beautifulfaces
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dergarabedian · 1 year
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10 pasajes de la Biblia de fortaleza
10 pasajes de la Biblia de fortaleza
Para tiempos y momentos de dificultad recurro a pasajes de la Biblia de fortaleza. Todos enfrentamos momentos difíciles en nuestras vidas, ya sea algo aparentemente pequeño como un día estresante en el trabajo o un evento más significativo como un diagnóstico médico preocupante o la pérdida de un ser querido. Continue reading Untitled
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the-force-awakens · 2 years
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THE WAY I FUCKIN SCRAMBLED FOR MY HEADPHONES TO WATCH THE LIVESTREAM
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ayo-edebiri · 5 months
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Amongst all of David's awards, you were recently named on the DILF list. Here's the top five: 1. Pedro Pascal, 2. Oscar Isaac. 3. David Tennant. 4. Mads Mikkelsen. 5. Cillian Murphy. Oh, and Michael Sheen came in-
#Micheal Sheen silence on this is deafening
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