#AND it finally gave me motivation to update this build

[beetlemp3]

Natural Simstory Museum feat. new gem exhibit!! and updated fossil exhibit

#new pack is so coOOoOOoOooL #the items are pretty #ts4 #wip #AND it finally gave me motivation to update this build

[itsonlydana]

THRANDUIL'S GUIDE TO: LOOSING A JOB / WINNING A HEART | hobbit

pairing: Thranduil x fem!reader 👑

You are late for work and sure that your boss will sack you. Instead, Thranduil takes you and his kids to the park, and somehow the day takes a turn for the better.

tags/warnings: modern!AU, nanny!AU, mutual pining; characters: Thranduil, young!Legolas, young!Tauriel; rating: sfw

wordcount: 8,4k

an: sorry sorry sorry for not updating "passenger princess"; please take this as a small apology. I'm posting this after watching 'anyone but you' so know i'm dancing and singing rn

+ general m.list +

🌿 reposts and comments are appreciated, they motivate me a lot - especially with longer projects <3

The subway doors shut close with a squeak, mere seconds after you stepped out. They gave you barely any time to think about whether you had everything important with you before the train hissed away again, disappearing into the dark tunnels that twisted like endless labyrinths beneath the city.

Not that you had the time for it; anything forgotten was lost, and you were already far too late to mourn a possibly left-behind lip balm.

Pressing your bag tightly against your side, you joined the stream of people, moving like an army of ants from the platform to the escalators.

It took a while before you could step onto the moving steps – of course, the third grade that had already been on the train when you had rushed in left at the same stop as you.

Screaming, uncontrollable children surrounded you, and you did your best not to make eye contact with any of them, impatiently staring at the approaching exit, the clear sky finding its way through high towering glass buildings.

As a very rude man in sportswear pushed ahead, mumbling swear words that the nanny in you wanted to scold him for, one of the kids stumbled against your legs.

Clammy hands grasped at the coat shielding you from the brisk autumn winds, its numerous inner pockets offering a secure haven for your valuables against the avaricious hands of pickpockets. Gazing downward, you found yourself locking eyes with a boy, his wide blue eyes reminding you that you were so so late...

You gave him an encouraging smile, causing the child to loosen his grip but he didn't let go until you reached the fresh air outside.

Out of habit, you quickly bent down, ignoring the complaints of an elderly lady behind you, and zipped up his bright orange jacket.

It was still early in the morning, the air cold, coloring the tips of noses and cheeks in blushes. Even if you didn't know this child, no parent would be happy to take a day off because of a sick child; especially not here.

Once the boy was properly bundled up, his big smile disappearing behind the fleece of the jacket, you straightened up and made your way through the crowd of people.

Somewhere in your pockets, your phone vibrated now that there was a reception and bombarded you with all the messages that didn't reach you in the last twenty minutes underground.

The sidewalk was bustling, shoulders pushing against shoulders, making it impractical to fish out the phone at the moment; it felt like a time-wasting endeavor, and the chance that you would start crying if anyone snapped at you for slowing down was far too high.

This whole morning left you on the brink of a meltdown, the stress bubbling under the surface, an itch under your skin that didn't want to leave you–

Opting for a brisk walk, you maneuvered through the lively streets of New York, a city of grand dreams that, at the moment, felt a bit out of reach.

Three years ago, following a string of peaceful years growing up in your quiet suburb, one of the Universities you had applied to offered you a full scholarship.

That led to packing up all your possessions, and you transitioned from the comfort of your familiar childhood room to a cramped studio, outweighed by more "cons" than "pros."

You initially went with the expectation of finally fulfilling the big dream, only to realize that living the dream in New York brought problems with them– like an expensive water and electricity bill, unfriendly neighbors that stole the washing machines and dropped your clothes onto the floor, and the inescapable feeling of loneliness amid millions.

After uni, one odd job followed another; "dishwasher in a food truck" and "Christmas-card door-to-door selling with Girl Scouts" were some of the tamer examples.

You did what you had to do, even if that sometimes involved horrendous pay for even more horrific work hours.

Sure, they were definitely experiences , but many of them were the kind that your parents used as a reason to convince you to come back home.

They were right on some level, there were nights you cried sitting alone on the floor of your apartment until the neighbors below you knocked on their ceiling, complaining about the noise, but these evenings were few and far between.

Ever since you got your current job it had reduced to once or twice a month!

It was by far the best on the now 40-line long list of abandoned "experiences." It was flexible, paid more than enough, and you actually looked forward to the days you had to work.

At first, you couldn't believe your eyes when Thranduil Oropherion (the Thranduil Oropherion, multimillionaire and head of the 'Greenleafs Children's Book Publishing' well before hitting thirty, face of the Times on many occasions) contacted you through an unknown babysitter matchmaking site.

Fortunately, the site wasn't so unknown that someone could pretend to be him; otherwise, you wouldn't have engaged in the subsequent chat, where you shared your babysitting experiences with him, and you certainly wouldn't have gone to the first meeting.

It had been in a small café near Central Park, and thankfully not at some fancy Italian place, as your remaining money for the month wouldn't have covered elegant evening wear.

Mr. Oropherion, Thranduil, as he insisted daily, was, unsurprisingly as attractive in person as the press had described.

You had seen pictures, heard of his name, maybe even looked him up once or twice ever since you started babysitting rich kids who had his books lining their shelves without reading them once. They were the kind of children who said "Please" nearly as often as "Thank you."

Close to never.

After being confronted with the beautifully bound books in most of their study rooms, you had googled the Green Leaf emblem, only to have the picture of the hottest man you have ever seen pop off.

The legs that went on for days, the long blonde hair, the warm voice sending chills down your spine as he explained his need for a new sitter- funny how you had no idea what the reason was, but knew exactly how his dark brows had furrowed and raised, how his voice had dropped lower on some words and higher on others.

Easy to say that you wasted no second after he asked you if you still wanted the job (still? To this day it was a mystery what he meant with that, lost in daydreams about his blue eyes and the firm handshake) for you to agree.

One contract signing later, and you were officially the babysitter of the sweetest kids you have ever met.

Legolas and Tauriel not only listened to you, but they even cooperated and never caused trouble when it came to bedtime or leaving the park. They naturally reached for your hand on the street, ate their vegetables obediently, and even when you had to be strict on rare occasions, it never took long for the sulking faces to light up again.

It wasn't just the children that you took a liking to.

The initiate awe of meeting Thranduil turned into a full-blown crush faster than you could have blinked; a sentiment you would only ever confide in your diary.

The prospect of explaining how sad it was to fall in love with your remarkably young boss was not inviting, and you would do your best to avoid those conversations.

Falling in love with someone in a position of authority, who paid you for your services monthly, particularly in a role where you cared for his children, was not an ideal situation.

Nevertheless, you found yourself deeply infatuated with – his looks, charm, smile, and the way he effortlessly made you forget all worries when he returned home, embraced by his children, eager to hear every intricate detail of their day.

And yours.

Falling for him had happened quickly, too quickly to really think about how it could affect your job in the case of an outburst of feelings, whether accidental or intentional.

You saw it as a kind of adventure, like diving into a novel where you could experience the feelings of love without ever wanting to address them.

And sometimes, when there was just the two of you left at the dinner table and he would offer you wine and a smile, you had the impression the conversations turned into teasing and flirting.

It was important for you to keep this job, which is why the fear of getting fired for being late today made your legs move, and you managed to cover the usual fifteen-minute relaxed walk despite the piercing cold air in your nose and lungs in seven minutes.

Eight minutes earlier, and still twenty-three minutes late, you arrived at one of the many towering skyscrapers, with glowing cheeks and sweat drops rolling down your temples.

The doorman in the lobby looked at you with an understandable and sympathetic look through his small glasses before letting you enter the elevator and pressing the button for the Oropherion residence.

The minute it took to reach the 53rd floor - 53, seriously, that's an absurd number of floors - you loosened the red scarf around your neck, finally being able to breathe without it feeling like you swallowed ice, and unbuttoned your coat to fish out your phone.

As soon as the screen lit up, all other messages faded away.

Except for one–

Thranduil O.: I write to inform you that...

Dizziness, not from the height you must be at, but from the thoughts of all the stressful evenings when you had called through stores and sent resumes one after another.

You knew how much your boss valued punctuality; he relied on you to arrive at the agreed-upon time so he could leave for work in peace, and today, you had disappointed him.

He was a nice man, friendly but strict in important matters.

You had witnessed more than once how icy he could become when his driver had picked him up late for reasons within his control, and so far, you were glad not to have experienced that side of him.

Was he late today? What if he had an important meeting or had to sign contracts? What if he could pack up the publishing house because of you? (That this was more than unlikely didn't cross your mind at the moment, but much later)

With trembling hands, you tried to unlock your phone before the elevator reached the penthouse, but you failed several times at entering your password, fingers hitting the wrong numbers, which didn't help your agitated mood.

At the same moment, you finally managed to enter your password correctly and access your messages from the lock screen, the loud ping of the elevator startled you.

Quickly, you slipped your phone into your pocket again and prepared for the worst, like bidding farewell to the sweetest children on earth and the best boss, who would easily hire a new sitter.

The doors opened the same moment a piercing scream echoed through the apartment, high in pitch and undoubtedly Tauriel.

"No no no no"

The worst scenario sprung into your mind, the children left alone and hurt, climbing on expensive furniture, and possibly injured, all because your alarm didn't ring.

As fast as your legs could carry you, you ran into the adjacent living area from where the crying had come. "Tauriel?" you called out; the children should know that you were there now and could help.

But the next words died on your tongue, didn't make it over your panicky opened lips.

The image of an injured Tauriel and an apartment thrown into chaos faded with the last bit of breath in your lungs.

Nowhere were traces of such chaos; nothing was out of place, except for the children's toys, like some dolls and Lego pieces scattered on the oakwood floor.

There were no injuries, no tears, and no abandoned children.

There, on the floor in front of the gray couch, was Thranduil, stretched out on the usually neatly arranged sofa cushions, a screaming Tauriel balanced on his raised hands and a laughing Legolas stretched across his stomach, trying to reach for his sister.

You didn't know what happened to your thoughts.

Why they strayed away from the fact that Thranduil was here, at home, while he should be at work, and that this was surely your last day, and instead clung to the happy family image that you had envied for several months now.

Then Thranduil's gaze fell on you, and your heart stumbled over the smile on his face. The children also looked up, joyfully calling your name, and you waved to them, a forced smile on your lips.

You only had one chance to explain, one chance to save this beloved job before it slipped through your fingers. "I'm so sorry for being late, Thranduil," you started, wrapping your arms around yourself for support. "You probably want a proper apology that can explain all this, but as inexcusable as it is, I overslept. The power went out at my place last night, and my phone couldn't charge, so my alarm didn't ring. I'm really really sorry, and I want to make it up."

You took a deep breath. Tears were swelling in the corners of your eyes, threatening to break out every second, and you struggled to blink them away; your apology was pathetic enough without tears.

Thranduil slowly got up, gently placing the confused-looking Tauriel on the small coffee table and took a few steps towards you, causing your concentration to waver for a moment.

Why wasn't he wearing a suit like usual? Normally, he was already dressed for work every morning. Today, however, he wore black straight-cut trousers and a dark blue knit sweater that was covered in gray couch pillow lint.

He spoke your name softly, much too soft for the conversation that would follow.

Now he would fire you; now you could say goodbye to everyone, and from tomorrow on, you would only be able to admire this beautiful face in newspapers.

"I'll make it up to you, but please don't fire me!"

With an expression of pure horror, Thranduil bridged the meters between you and pulled you into a surprising hug, stifling any sob. His hand lovingly patted your back, stroking in circular motions over your shoulder blades.

"Ada, what's wrong?"

"Legolas, Tauriel," he turned his head, one hand cupping your neck, and spoke in a soft voice, "could you please to go your rooms? Give us a minute, alright?"

Immediately, you wanted to pull away; he was your boss, and he shouldn't send his children away just because you were upset about your own mistakes.

Thranduil didn't let go though; he continued to hold you tightly in his strong arms as if the boundary between your roles in this relationship didn't exist.

"What nonsense led you to think I would fire you?" Thranduil asked after a while.

Slowly lowering his arms, he silently allowed your heart a moment to mourn the warmth of his body, a last moment before he stepped back, and you feared you might never be so close to him again.

Instead, he surprised you by reaching for your hand and leading you over to the couch, stepping around the thrown-around cushions on the carpet.

Waiting for you to sit, he joined you, surprisingly close.

"I did write to you that I have a day off today and would love to spend it with all of you," he said, patting your knee and seeking your downward gaze.

Your already reddened cheeks flushed even more. Perhaps you should have checked your messages right after leaving the subway. Then you wouldn't have embarrassed yourself so much in front of Thranduil, a man whose respect meant more to you than anything else, and especially you wouldn't have caused a scene in front of the children.

"Unfortunately, I didn't see that," you admitted, quietly and ashamed.

The man beside you nodded in understanding, his hand still on your leg.

With each touch, a tingling fire spread from that spot through your entire body, to your rapidly beating heart.

He had been doing this more often lately, guiding you with a hand on your back or brushing over your shoulders when helping you with your coat.

Sometimes, the occasional, slightly longer-than-necessary handshake left your knees weak, and even now, his touch burned through the fabric of your pants, as if a sitcom-worthy handprint might be etched there.

"It happens to the best of us," him excluded of this, the man was never late, never forgot, and worst of all, never broke down crying "-please don't fret over this any longer. Everything is alright."

You nodded, sniffling when he stretched to the coffee table and offered you a tissue, handed over with one of his infuriating smiles.

"Thanks," you dabbed the tissue against your cheeks, trying to wipe away the blush and surely ugly puffiness as well as the tears, "I'm still sorry for-" you pointed to your face, "-all this. This probably wasn't how you wanted your day off to start"

Thranduil tilted his head slightly, long blond hair cascading over his shoulder, which he now nudged against yours. "Hey, we have a rule in this house, y'know? No crying unless it's during a movie, book, or when I cooked"

The laugh you let out sounded more like a snort, which is embarrassing in itself though Thranduil only nudged you again in good humor, "So, if you don't want me to punish you for this utterly inexcusable rulebreaking, then you should quickly smile again"

"Oh no!" you exclaimed, wiping away some more tears, before biting down a smile, "I could not handle watching Frozen 2 again this week"

The Oropherion household was most prestigious with Thranduil representing the largest book publishing company in the country, and his two exemplary children, so of course, punishment for any rulebreaking of this kind was a movie night- movie chosen by the youngest (if she wasn't the one breaking the rules).

"Again?" Thranduil raised his eyebrows, then patted your leg condescendingly, "Have I ever told you how strong you are, my dear?"

Ignoring the stutter your heart makes at the nickname and carefully filing the moment away for later, you shook your head, "You have no idea. I had barely picked them up from school yesterday when Tauriel snitched on Legolas for tripping another boy- he did it as an act of self-defense.. well he defended Aragorn but we do not know that if anyone official calls, and then for that Legolas tripped her and so I spend the evening yet again in the company of Olaf and Anna."

As you recount the eventful first day of the week, you could hear and feel Thranduil snicker, his whole body shaking where it pressed against yours- legs, thighs, shoulders.

"Wow, just.. oh my," Thranduil exhaled, and there laid a fondness in his blue eyes, a softness in the corner of his mouth, that washed away the stern businessman, leaving no room for anyone else but a young father, who soaked up every moment of his kid's lives, scared they were growing up too fast.

"Anyway, I shouldn't just sit around and ramble," you crumpled up the tissue in one hand, using the other to brush away some hair.

Conjuring your best smile, the one reserved for him and only him, you linger for one second on the warmth of his body this close to you, before squaring your shoulders. "Soo, thanks for not firing me, I appreciate it and swear that I'll check my phone in the morning to not cause you this much trouble again"

Thranduil's eyebrows twitched, barely noticeable to anyone who wasn't staring at him constantly. "I wouldn't have fired you," he said, honest and completely serious; you shrink together, just like the paper tissue. He continues, voice grave and his eyes focused on you, "Not because of something like that, not because of a little thing you are not responsible for. And even if you were, I think we're long past the point where I'd want to fire you, no matter what"

You stare at him, mouth slightly agape, and you want to ask him what he meant by that or if he meant to say it like he did, but no words come out.

Thranduil takes your speechlessness in, his lashes fluttering softly as he closes his eyes, tipping his head to the side. Another barely noticeable change in his demeanor, this time the hint of a smile, that quickly disappears again.

A call from Tauriel shattered the atmosphere between you, and you pulled yourself together.

"Let's just let it go," Thranduil said, this time his mouth curved into a full smirk.

You glare at him, forcing yourself to stand up. "I hate you"

You didn't, but there was no need to add that since the smile and blush on your face gave that away as much as any words would.

Still smirking at you, Thranduil yelled "Yes, Tauriel, you can come back in" and as soon as he finished the two children you loved so dearly rushed into the living room.

While Legolas immediately spilled over the back of the couch like liquid and rolled face first into the small space between his father and the couch, Tauriel nearly toppled over her own feet racing toward you.

She collided with your legs without slowing down.

Unlike Legolas, who was a spitting image of his father with his bright blue eyes and blond hair, Tauriel had inherited her red hair and freckles from her mother, who was only mentioned by Thranduil, if at all, with a dismissive snort, as if it were part of her name.

However, he had every right to do so.

After all, he did rush into the hospital on Christmas-Eve nine years ago, thinking that from then on, Christmas would have the table decked for four, not two, and he left with two children barely a day old and already burdened with a mother who had lost all interest in them.

She had left the hospital when Thranduil had been asleep, his children close to his chest as he grew from boy to single father in one night.

"What are we going to do today?" Tauriel asked, her hands grabbing the coat you still hadn't shed.

"Well, we could go to the park?" you offered and brushed some of her hair out of her face, "Or do you want to let your Ada decide?"

She pulled a face, twisting her lips in an adorable pout. "Noo, then he will go to a museum and they are soo boooring"

Thranduil cleared his throat, looking thoroughly outraged- as well as one could with his other child climbing over his back and tugging his hair. "Tauriel, I thought you loved our trip to the History Museum!"

There was a pause where Tauriel contemplated what to say, before pulling her lips into a smile and swiping her hand at the air: "Oh, yes, Ada, I really love going to the History Museum with you."

Then, turning to you and rolling her eyes in a matter that was surely an imitation of all the adult chit-chat she had caught and not even close to the behavior of a nine-year-old, she faux-whispered: "Don't fall for my tricks, I just don't want to see him sad"

You weren't even close to fast enough to cover the laugh that bubbled out of your throat with a cough.

"She just goes there because there is a boy in our class that she wants to impress," Legolas piped up, his feet dangling over Thranduil's shoulders while his blonde hair was sticking to his father's back.

"Not true!" Tauriel snapped back.

"SO true, she looooves-"

"Do not!"

"Yes, you do!"

"NO, I do not!"

"You-"

"HEY!" you cut into the back and forth that surely would have ended in punches or more tears, "If anyone says anything there will be no trip to the park, the museum or to wherever you want to go today!"

You fixated the twins with a warning stare that left no room for discussion and it even seemed to shut up Thranduil, who had opened his mouth and now, slowly and looking at you, closed it again.

"Thank you," you crossed your arms in front of your chest, "Now, I don't see beaks or feathers on the both of you so I'll ask you to refrain from squawking and cackling, and Legolas if you want to tease your sister about a boy, should I tell her about-"

"NO!" the boy screamed and immediately, realizing his mistake of speaking out of turn, clapped both hands in front of his mouth, leaving his blue eyes to plead.

Not that you would have said anything; whether it was Aragorn or that boy, Kili, you would never dare to spill the secrets that they whispered to you when you tugged them in.

You nodded once.

It was enough for the boy to relax, slipping onto the couch bare of cushions, and curling his arms around his father's neck.

It was an endearing, yet very exhausting trait of the boy to be unable to stop moving, always climbing things, restlessly skipping around when he was supposed to do his homework.

"Go and put on your boots, coats, and yes- Legolas, even your scarf and hat, and no- Tauriel, you did not forget them in school, I picked them up yesterday and put them into your bag"

There was not much grumbling, well, Tauriel muttered something close to a curse under her breath but at your sharp gaze, she opened her mouth in such a wide smile, baring two rows of teeth, that it looked strained, and Legolas made his protest clear in changing in and out of at least five sweaters before settling on one the same ink-blue as his fathers.

Said father continued to stifle his laughter while you stood in the hallway, waiting until the coat rack was nearly empty and the children had their coats zipped up, their boots tied, their necks covered in scarfs and two pairs of hands had gloves dangling from them.

Said father also came up behind you, when the twins were busy forming plans on what this day would come to, maybe an adventure in the park, or a walk through the aquarium, and you felt his hands brush over your shoulders, as he leaned to whisper in your ear and cause shivers to prickle down your spine despite the warm clothes:

"What a shame that I miss you this assertive most of the time, it looks good on you"

He must have heard the gulp of your throat, must have felt the buckling of your knees, but alas, he said nothing more and the moment passed as quickly as it had come.

It was what he was good at, swiping you off your feet with comments like this and touches like that, leaving you dazed and wondering if you had imagined it all or if that twinkle in his eyes truly was as flirtatious as you thought it to be.

"Okay so, shall we go?"

You caught Thranduil's smirk as he grabbed his coat as well.

His hands were quick to fasten the shiny buttons, working their way up from the bottom in seconds, and as he pulled his long hair out to toss it over his shoulders, the elegant length of his fair neck flashed into view.

Frozen in place, your gaze lingered on the curve of his cheekbones, the pointed ears, and quickly you looked away before he turned his attention from Legolas back to you and might have caught you staring.

It was truly unfair how beautiful he was, wearing the fitted coat, snug at his small waist and highlighting the broad of his shoulders, the midnight blue color being the perfect color for his blonde hair to look like starlight and sunshine all at once.

He drew looks onto him wherever he went and not because of his wealth or business– those were things New Yorkers didn't care about if he passed them on the streets.

He was simply breathtaking, and that he had a daughter skipping over puddles reflecting the clear blue sky and a son babbling while he listened and laughed and answered was more of a magnet than he maybe realized.

In fact, he never seemed to notice the heads turning, the heart eyes that mothers and young women watched him with, and the appreciating nods of handsome men. The ogling and giggling, the sighs and gasps, murmurs and whispers.

Not from strangers but certainly he had the talent to catch the slighted exhale of breath from you whenever you lost yourself in his elegant figure, watching and dreaming as he played with his children or washed the dishes, his back turned to you to examine his muscles straining against the stretch of his shirt.

He teased you for it, lips curving into smiles, eyebrows raising in a wiggle, arms lifting to reveal a sliver of toned stomach.

Even now, as you crossed the street to enter Central Park, the constant pull of Legolas on your right arm left you to slightly tumble into Thranduil, shoulders knocking against shoulder and you glanced up at him to apologize only to find a smirk already tugging on the left corner of his mouth.

The air is still quite chilly, leaving you to lift your nose in the direction of the February sun, albeit a long way from warming you up, it was enough to ease on the frost nipping at your skin.

The children were tugging you into the direction of their favorite playground, hats bouncing at the excited steps that were nearly too fast to hold them back, boots stomping as they made a game of pulling you.

Their happiness was brighter than any sommer light, the teasing from the apartment long forgotten as the roads curved and dew-kissed gras made way for sand and rubber flooring.

They stormed off as soon as Thranduil and you let go of them, scrambling away to conquer the climbing towers and slides and most assuredly end up befriending some if not all of the other kids that are playing under the watchful eyes of parents sitting on the many benches scattered around the place.

Thranduil and you settled onto a weathered bench, positioned directly beneath a skeletal tree that, in a matter of weeks, would burst into bloom, but for now, stood adorned only with bare branches reaching towards the heavens.

Thranduil folded his hands in his lap, starting by delicately pinching at the fingertips of one glove.

With graceful precision, he slipped his slender hand out, exposing his milky skin to the chill, repeating the process with agonizing slowness on the other hand.

The ritual held your undivided attention, captivating you as you watched those slender hands gradually unfasten the first button of his coat.

As if that weren't bad enough, he proceeded to loosen the red scarf wrapped around his neck, a vibrant contrast against the wintry backdrop.

Your mouth felt almost devoid of moisture as you struggled to comprehend.

Huddled deeper into the folds of your own coat, you shot him a reproachful glance. "I don't get how you aren't cold," you muttered, your words punctuated by a shiver.

He made a show of popping another button of his coat. "Tze, how could anyone be cold in this weather?" Thranduil angled his face toward the sun, "I dare say that this is the perfect weather for a long walk"

You scoffed, "Oh, here we go again. I can't wait for you to open up the window later and tell me that the winds are just a slight breeze. It's unfair, you know? Some of us freeze just by looking at you carelessly throwing that scarf away"

Thranduils squinted his eyes, seemingly contemplating whatever was going on his beautiful head and before you could say anything else he had raised his arms and wrapped the scarf around the smaller one you already wore.

Your mouth fell open in surprise, the blood rushing into your cheeks as he busied himself tugging here and there and then had the gall to pull so that you had your mouth full of scarf.

It not only smelled like his perfume but tasted like it as well.

"There, now you are best equipped for this blizzard-like cold!" he chuckled and when you tried to pull the scarf away, he held one of the ends so that it slipped to cover your ears. "Oops, my fault-"

"Thranduil!" was what you wanted to say though the fabric made it sound more like "Franfuil" which made him only laugh louder. His eyes crinkled at the corners, the amusement showing itself in their baby blues.

Thinking that he maybe just did it for a joke, you wanted to free yourself from it.

His cold hands coming to rest upon yours with his long slender fingers covering yours, halted the movement.

"I can't wear your scarf," you said meekly and made another attempt though with not much force.

You wanted to wear his scarf, wanted to sit on this bench with all the other parents passing you and seeing his claim, his scarf wrapped around your neck, but this was another dream, not something that really happened.

He was just joking, wasn't he?

"Tze," Thranduil swatted at the air and clicked his tongue. "Why not? You said it yourself, you are freezing because of me. Let me offer you some warmth and don't tell me this scarf isn't wondrous. The wool is from irish sheeps-"

He continued talking, and you sunk back into the bench, nose buried into the fabric that carried his scent.

The scarf did help, although it wasn't just because of the added expensive layer but because of the hands that had wrapped it as well.

"and thus this scarf is the best way to keep your poor freezing body self. Imagine what the kids would say if they came back and you sat here like an iceberg. We would have to bring hammers to break you out of it," he finished with a satisfied nod to himself and folded on leg over the other, clasping his hands on top of the raised knee. "Now, no more complaining, do we understand each other?"

You nodded obediently.

Thranduil took it in, making sure that you didn't talked back to him, then he turned toward the playground.

You followed his gaze to Legolas and Tauriel hanging on the monkey bars and swinging back and forth.

"Mhm," he hummed and a smirk pulled on his lips, "I really want to say that the cold never bothered me anyway"

At your pained groan, he just laughed joyfully.

Inside your chest, your heart stuttered against your ribcage.

"I can say that this is far better than sitting in the office," Thranduil mused after a while, eyes wandering from his children to you.

He really did look much happier, the cold giving him a healthy blush that reached all the way down his slender throat.

Not that you stared at his Adam's apple and the soft rosé of his skin– your eyes were just drawn to the red lint his scarf had left on his collar.

You tried to lift an eyebrow like he always did but failed miserably. "What? And here I figured that playing all day was only half as much fun as making sure my suit didn't get wrinkled from all the sitting around."

Thranduil scoffed, not in anger but in humor. "I will let you know that I'm not bound to the desk and will walk to get some coffee now and again"

"Oh how adventurous," you teased, nudging your elbow into his side, "Do tell, whatever do they do with this wild man of a boss?"

He laughed at that, and you had to bury your teeth in your lip to stop yourself from smiling like a fool.

"Sometimes they take away my pen and force me to listen to whatever offer is going on instead of letting me play tic-tac-toe"

"That's so unfair," you shook your head, the smile now breaking out despite the best effort to retain it, "Maybe I should talk to them because last time I saw your notes you lost every time. Like you are so bad! They should let you practice more"

"You cheeky-" Thranduil stopped himself, the chortling laughter made it impossible to understand anything he would have said anyway.

After a while the laughter subsided, leaving a comfortable silence that you sunk into, letting the whole moment wash over you.

There was laughter all around you, children screaming and yelling, Tauriel and Legolas swinging on the monkey bars as the cold colored their faces nearly as red as the girl's hair.

Somewhere in the distance, the music of the carousel waved over, the melody familiar by now and you dared to tilt your head just enough to the side, to make it look like your gaze was trailing over to the wooden tent instead of trailing the curve of Thranduil's nose, the long lashes resting on his cheek as he bathes in the sun.

As if he felt your eyes on him, he hummed. "Maybe I should cut my hours short," Thranduil's voice was low, but there was a firmness behind the words, a determination that told you he had thought about this longer than his statement let on.

Your heart jumped in your chest.

Grateful that his eyes were still closed so that he couldn't see the shock that played your features, you inhaled deeply, needing the sting of the air in your lungs.

"Oh," you whispered, wanting to follow up with something encouraging but the words just wouldn't come to you.

"Oh," you simply repeated.

The chill of winter settled deep into your bones and you hunched your shoulders, the meaning of his words cutting sharp into the string of affection that you thought connected the two of you.

If he worked less than that meant he wouldn't come home late in the evening, maybe even early enough to pick up his children from school, giving him time to cook for them, go to the playground, and accompany them to Legolas archery lessons and Tauriels dance classes.

If he had all the time do to this, then it would be more than reasonable to let you go.

"Mhm–" Thranduil hummed again, eyes still shut. "The firm doesn't need my input, they can do their best without me hovering around as if I was not just there to listen in to negotiations. This is what I should have done ages ago, direct my attention to the kids instead of book deals that only need my signature."

You nodded, ignoring that he couldn't see it.

"We should get away, the kids haven't had a vacation in forever. I own a house near Greenwood, and the last time I was there there had been a village close enough for the children to make some friends. It would be good for them, don't you think?"

"Yeah– sure," you swallowed hard, trying to force down the stone lodged in your throat.

There, on the tip of your tongue, was a plea, the urge to beg him not to fire you but you would rather let him continue to talk than embarrass yourself again.

"There was a house close by, a family with another single dad and his three kids. If I remember correctly the youngest had been Tauriel and Legolas' age, they could show them around, and Legolas can finally have that damn treehouse he always asks for," Thranduil chuckled and stretched out his legs, the tips of his shoes pointing to the sky, "He asks for one every birthday and I think if he asks me one more time I will find a way to build him that treehouse, even if that means buying a damn tree here in Central Park."

You let out a humorless laugh, more an exhale of air than anything else.

The images Thranduil painted would have been lovely if not for the pain growing inside your chest at every word.

"And we could take a walk through the woods, just you and me."

"What?"

Thranduil's eyes snapped open, blue eyes piercing you like the brightness of the sun over your heads.

For the first time, you saw confusion in them, unsureness, and doubt, and you must have looked just as baffled.

"A walk, to talk, you know? Without the kids sleeping in the other room, without their nosy ears hearing things they shouldn't?" His eyes widened, suddenly he seemed very much uncomfortable with how slouched he sat for he straightened up, "Oh my," he lifted a hand to run it through his hair, tousling it even more, "Oh no, have I overstepped?"

Your gaze remained fixed on him. "You want me to accompany you on this vacation to the woods to 'talk'? Damn, Thranduil, I thought you were on the verge of letting me go!"

"Let you go?!" His cheeks flushed crimson within seconds, a vivid contrast against his fair complexion.

There was an unfamiliarity to the flush, something so new and alien about it that, despite the gravity of the situation, you found yourself momentarily speechless, captivated more by the sight than the words spoken.

"I thought that we could come to an agreement about the arrangements of your employment status"

"My status?"

Nothing that was said made sense, for either one of you, and the comfort grew into frustration that made it impossible to sit still.

"Yes! Were we not on the same page?" Thranduil's voice got louder and you both flinched as a mother with her stroller walked past and threw you an annoyed look. Thranduil leaned closer, dropping into something close to a whisper: "I wanted to ask you out for like a month now, but it felt awkward since it would have required giving you the evening off or compensating you. Neither option seemed like the ideal foundation for a date, in my opinion," he pressed out between his teeth, tipping his head to the side.

"A date?" you felt stupid for parroting his words- again, but how could you not? This conversation had dragged out for far too long to be your imagination, yet you wouldn't believe that this was happening.

"Yes," he was laughing now, kind of desperate if you were honest.

The touch of his knees against yours became a hand wrapping around your wrist, pulling your hand toward him so that he could lay it onto his open palm.

There were sparkles in your stomach, exploding like fireworks at the soft touch of his skin, warmed from the gloves he had worn on the walk.

"I am mad about you, haven't you realized? Have you any idea how I have to hold myself back whenever I come home and see you on the couch with my children, reading stories or singing movies, dancing around the living room in costumes?"

(You blushed deeply at the memory of that evening, Tauriel had convinced you that her fairy wings would fit you better than her, the pink glitter sticking to your clothes as you twirled around the room just when the elevator doors opened and Thranduil stood in the doorway; his tired and exhausted eyes lightening up at the sight of his daughter- or so you thought)

He continued, staring at your hands as he drew circles with the tip of his fingers. "Leaving for work is only easy because you are there to send me off, and working is only durable because I know that when the doors to the apartment open you will be there. It gets harder though, every time I see you cuddling with Legolas or drawing with Tauriel I have to refrain myself-" he stopped to look up, a coy smile on his lips that were suddenly much harder to ignore in their closeness and allure.

"Else, I'd find myself sinking to my knees before you on the couch, bestowing kisses for 'Hello', 'Goodbye', or simply surrendering to the emotions that have stirred within me since the day you entered my life."

"Well, I can tell you no other boss has greeted me like that," you murmured quietly, uncertain of how else to react.

His fingers continued their subtle dance, now entwined with yours. They melded together seamlessly, like a perfect puzzle, as if their natural state had always been intertwined.

Thranduil chuckled softly, his index finger tapping against his knuckle. "One of the reasons I never acted upon it," he admitted, "was the fear of you dialing the Department of Labor for harassment."

"A kiss wouldn't lead to that," you bit down on your lip again, "Fainting on my side, yes, absolutely, and I have never seen a fainted person make a phone call. And what would I say? Hello, my gorgeous boss, who I have a crush on kissed me? Oh, sad old me. could you maybe find a way to compensate me for something I have dreamed about?"

The moment you said what you said, the words slipped out your mouth faster than you could hold them back and loud enough that you could have pretended that you had mumbled something else.

The shock of Thranduil's admission had opened the pandora box of feelings that you had shoved under terms like 'work ethic' and 'inappropriate salivating over your superior' as if that would make it any easier.

"So we are on the same page," Thranduil smiled, his chest heaved in a relief exhale of air. "I'm glad.. oh, so glad. I would have perished if I had been wrong and all those times I asked you to eat with me you thought 'Great, now I have to spend time with him as well.' That would have been... well, rather disheartening."

You choked on another laugh, "No, no, I never thought something even close to that. Most of the time, I was occupied trying not to scream in excitement while figuring out how I could get rid of the glitter or marker on my arms."

He laughed, but his eyes were honest and he held your hand a little bit tighter, "You must know that you are beautiful in every way, especially covered in feathers and gemstones, couch lint, and flour." His head dropped then, his eyes falling to your lips as he took in your smile and the way you struggled to find words.

"I wish I could kiss you right now," he said instead and the regret was audible in his low voice, "But we should figure everything out before I do."

You understood his point, it would be irresponsible to make out - which a kiss would definitely lead to, after all, you were bursting at the seams just thinking about how his lips would taste.

There were the kids, for once, you couldn't know how they would react at seeing the nanny kiss their father without being spoken to first and then, there was the whole thing of him being your boss.

Instead of kissing him, you just nodded. "Of course. Mister Oropherion, I hereby tell you that I plan to resign. It was lovely working for you but this is not where I see myself in a few years."

His face had morphed into the professional that you had met all those months ago in that little restaurant, older yet not by much, less exhausted and happiness in those blue eyes of his that you would spend hours staring into.

Your last name still sounded unfamiliar on his tongue, you had instantly offered your first name for him to use- an order he gladly followed, the only exception being the nicknames you doted on.

"I'll make sure to have the papers ready in the afternoon," Thranduil said in a matter of business, "And there will be a bottle of wine, perhaps? To celebrate?"

You glanced around, making sure that no one was watching before lifting your hands and breathing a soft kiss onto his fingers, relishing the first taste of him.

"I would very much like that"

"Ada!" came the sudden yell of Legolas, and in the blink of an eye the boy ran toward you, coming out of nowhere and the rest of the sentence, whatever Thranduil had wanted to say, never crossed his lips that now spread into a wide smile at the sight of his son.

"Ada, you have to push us on the swings!"

Legolas jumped in front of you, fisting his gloves into your coat and pulling your attention onto him, cheeks all flushed red and blonde hair standing to all sides- he seemed to have lost his hat.

"You can push me and Ada can push Tauriel, and then can we go eat ice cream? There was a boy that said that his mom would buy him ice cream and let him ride the carousel, and–"

Thranduil laughed and raised a hand to smooth down the flyaway strands of hair. "Alright, alright, Las. Lead the way"

The boy immediately turned, tugging you with him at the seam of your coat into the direction of the pair of swings where his sister already waited, her hat lost in the sand as well.

That would be a problem for later, for now, you just followed Legolas and turned your head to see Thranduil catching up to you.

His hand brushed yours as he passed you, his legs much longer than yours and his coat free from the impatient drag of a child.

"Race you!"

There was more laughter echoing over the playground as you and Legolas chased after his father, their blonde hair flying in the wind, sand slipping into your boots, and the red scarf around your neck fluttering.

Later, when the children were asleep in their bed, tugged under their blankets, and exhausted from the day, Thranduil would bring out your contract, ready for your signature of resignation.

He would wait until you sign next to him, the pen just barely lifted from the paper before his lips would capture yours in a soft kiss; his hands resting on your waist as you fall on top of him on the couch.

There would be wine and kisses just as sweet, quiet laughter as to not wake the children, hushed giggles when you would follow him to his bedroom, his hand in yours.

Right now though, you swept up Legolas into your arms and dashed through the sand.

#thranduil x reader #lotr x reader #the hobbit fanfiction #the hobbit x reader #thranduil fanfiction #thranduil x you #lord of the rings fanfiction #lord of the rings x reader #lotr fanfiction #king thranduil #thranduil

[yanderes-galore]

Hello!! I'd like to request for homestuck please! Do you have any headcanons for the type of yandere Dirk Strider would be? And how he may treat or act around his darling?

(If you need a time frame at all in the comic timeline, I can suggest post-game (before the epilogues so no worry to know those or hs^2) - it might work out easier to write for!! Otherwise if you don't, disregard this paragraph hehe)

Sure! Sorry it took so long (It's been MONTHS 😥😭), I needed to shove the entirety of Homestuck in my brain and have coherent thoughts about it. I'm actually not entirely done with Act 6 yet (I wanna say halfway through-ish?) so if he's very OOC my bad.... I can make an updated version at a later date maybe? Take this as an AU of Act 6 just in case, I just wanted to explore his yandere type.

Here's what I got! Now that I think about it I want to write more for Homestuck... it's really good and I'm happy I finally experienced it. Thanks Tumblr 💜 I tried to keep this general as the first concept for a character I write typically is :)

Writers who gave me motivation and inspiration to start this work; @yandere--stuck and @bunnyjam-imagines . Your work is incredible and keep doing what you're doing ^^ 💜Your Dirk fics really helped me with this so I dedicate this to you, too. IF YOU DO NOT WISH TO BE TAGGED LET ME KNOW, THANKS.

Possible Spoilers For Homestuck Act 6

Yandere! Dirk Strider Concept

Pairing: Romantic/Platonic

Possible Trigger Warnings: Gender-Neutral Darling, Obsession, Stalking, Manipulation, Overprotective behavior, Hidden cameras, Secret recording, Dirk struggles expressing feelings, Invasion of privacy, Brief violence mention, Swearing, Kidnapping, Dubious relationship, Isolation, Controlling behavior, Implied jealousy, Angst, I like this version of yandere Dirk where he just feels conflicted.

Dirk is a very interesting character and I've noticed there has been a pattern in the way people write him as a yandere.

Dirk seems like a yandere whose lucid in his behavior.

He has tendencies to know what he's doing is wrong, or at least this is a pattern I've seen in the way others write him.

I can agree with this as Dirk seems like he takes on the role as guardian for the other people in his group at times (Jake, Jane, Roxy).

Dirk would be very caring towards his darling despite the emotional baggage he has behind the scenes.

He most likely met you through a chat client like the rest.

Since he was young he's always had an interest in puppets, robots, and horses...

He could've met you through one of these interests or by one of his other friends introducing you.

Either way, Dirk finds himself talking to you more and more when he adds your handle.

Dirk's yandere behavior isn't overly romantic even when his feelings are that way.

He doesn't really like expressing it all that much.

Dirk's behavior comes off as just him looking out for you.

He's like a guardian who's willing to do anything for those he cares about.

Based on the fact Dirk has made robots for Jake and Jane in the past, usually for special occasions or requests, he probably would make one for you eventually.

Dirk is very skilled with robotics and wouldn't mind creating some sort of bot for you no matter the size or purpose.

Dirk does try to keep one goal constant when making you a robot gift...

It has to protect you.

He's responsible and wants nothing more than those he cares about out of harm's way.

If they reciprocate his feelings or not doesn't matter....

When he does make that robot gift he puts a lot of his time into it.

AR has to spend a lot of time responding to his friends as all of his time is spent multi-tasking on a ton of tasks.

Building your gift... talking to you... watching his dreamself...

He's kind of worn thin.

Once it's finished he sends it to you with a brief message.

It's his way of showing his care even if he seems very closed off with feelings.

This robot is the first camera he manages to sneak in your home.

Dirk even has secret folders on his PC of just footage.

Part of him feels guilty for recording you... but he tries to reassure himself this is what a robotic guardian needs.

The robot is the biggest part leading into his obsession.

It can act on its own to protect you or like a drone he can control and see through.

He feels guilty that he's using it to interact with you like he's actually there....

Dirk's feelings could swap over the more he sneaks electronics into your house and the more he cyberstalks you.

There's a certain threshold he passes when he eventually has to admit he's got feelings for you if he has them.

Clearly he doesn't just want to protect you like a friend, right?

Why else would he watch you sleep with that robot you thought of as a cute gift from him?

He can't help but search through files upon files containing pictures and video feed of you being... you.

He feels he could never admit it fully but he does like you.

One way or another....

Dirk's obsession is very... what's the word... quiet?

He seems like the yandere who would just hover in your shadow... just to keep you out of harm.

He isn't a very violent yandere and is more just like a guardian to you due to his fear of revealing his feelings, which makes him work well as a platonic or romantic yandere.

Dirk probably could use violence to protect you but doesn't always tend to.

His robot guardian he made for you is indeed armed, though.

The robot he gave you isn't as merciful and may even get bloody if it has to for you.

He doesn't mind if you feel the same for him or not... he would like you to but you don't have to....

He seems like the yandere who'd sigh and regret saying anything if you rejected his feelings... but respect the decision somewhat.

That doesn't stop his overbearing behavior.

The comic does say when he puts his heart to something he won't give up until he accomplishes it.

Friend or lover, Dirk tends to act controlling.

Be it him talking to you through your robot, in the chat client, or in person if he ever meets you... Dirk seems to act like he knows more than you.

He has a bit of an ego and can come off as obnoxious in conversation at times.

He always acts like he knows what's best for you.

He looks back on the times he has acted like this with regret later... as I said, lucid yandere.

In fact a lot of his obsession makes Dirk regret it at times.

This could be because he harbors self-hatred for himself already and his obsession over you doesn't help.

He doesn't really want to give you up, though.

Dirk would manipulate you like a puppet at times.

For some reason when others are close to you, he hates it.

They could just be close friends, or potential partners...

He just can't handle it... he feels he has to prevent it or he may just lose the chance to have you.

Sometimes the darkness of his obsession kicks in and he... gives in to acts he shouldn't.

Such as using your robot to invade your privacy...

Maybe even manipulating your friends Jane, Roxy, and even Jake away from you...

That and the countless times he's considered kidnapping you to keep you alone with him just to soothe his aching thoughts.

Dirk seems like he'd struggle a lot with his obsession.

He hates the idea of hurting you.

He knows there's a good chance his obsession will hurt you, which hurts him...

All of this just causes him hurt.

Yet the more he speaks to you about interests and learns more and more about you...

He knows he can't let you go.

There's no doubt Dirk vents the frustrations his feelings cause him to Lil Cal his puppet pal.

Who else is he supposed to tell?

It's not like these feelings, regardless of the intention, are normal?

'Yeah, I stalk my friend through a robot and manipulate their life like some sort of puppet stage. What do I do to make them reciprocate?'

It's batshit and he knows it....

Roxy will just use it as gossip later... she may even tell you with some subtle hint or something.

Jane's a very sweet woman but he just feels... uncomfortable admitting he has such dark feelings about you?

You'd think Jake would be a good fit to talk to, being bros and all, but Dirk decides he'd rather just vent his feelings to himself and keep it like that.

Until he eventually acts....

Soon Dirk is going to just wing it.

It seems like a very Strider thing to do.

Your robotic companion he gifted is going to act against you in the end.

While he once used it to make you feel like je was always there with you... soon he's going to use it to abduct you.

Somehow.

Dirk's obsession feels like a constant battle with himself.

Even more so than his fights with AR.

He begins to wonder what is truly right.

Is isolating you beside him the right thing to do?

What will his friends say?

That shouldn't matter, should it?

You can all talk together when you're safely with him... if he hasn't scared them off by then-

Yet, how would YOU feel towards what he's doing?

You'll hate him... and he can't blame you.

He'd hate him too. He probably already does.

But... what he doesn't hate is you.

Surely he can make you understand once he has you.

Dirk has always tried to be caring for you.

Even when your robot companion drags you into his home, you clinging to it with fear, Dirk greets you warmly.

Oh he feels so sick when he locks you in his home.

He feels he doesn't deserve you when you cower... no longer willing to converse with him like you used to.

You don't deserve him, he deserves only to suffer under the weight of his obsession.

He's always beating himself up about it the whole time, yet won't change any of it.

Even if you do somehow forgive him.

Even if you try to say you do care for him?

He isn't sure if he can believe you after he's kidnapped you.

Don't bother lying, he sees through it.

You can hate him... you're allowed to as any other sensible human would.

There's truly nothing he can do to salvage what he once had for you after he goes off the deep end.

He's made you all alone... now there's only him.

He knows he should let you go...

But wouldn't it be cruel to abandon you after he made your life hell?

He continues his behavior with this new form of reassurance.

He'll continue to look after you, he'll prove to you he can give you so much better.

He tries to show affection.

He gives you hugs, he tries to express his obsession in a loving way.

Perhaps even kisses, some on your cheeks or lips depending on his feelings?

Lucid yanderes tend to be self-destructive.

They know this isn't how they should feel.

Dirk knows he should do what's best for you.

His mind has been clouded in darkness, however...

Far as he knows now, HE'S what's best for you.

He promises to care for you like he's always done since you mean so much to him... ironically to help heal the pain he's caused... and is probably still causing.

Dirk still helps you when you cry and comforts you when you act out.

He emphasizes with your pain and feels sick that he knows why you feel this way.

Every touch he feels from you his heaven, while you may think he's hell.

Every apology from his lips doesn't feel truthful... they're empty.

He could always let you go...

He could always try to make things right...

Those options require giving you up.

Deep down... he knows he can't.

He feels he can finally say it,

He loves you too much to let you go.

He may be his own worst enemy but he wants to be selfish when it comes to you.

He's always at a constant war with himself, resulting in him seeming distant with affection.

You quickly become his everything... thoughts of you destroy his psyche...

Soon... he gives up... he surrenders... he begins to accept it.

He loves you...

and this is how he's going to show it.

#yandere homestuck #yanderestuck #yandere dirk strider #yandere homestuck x reader

[starsoverjupiter]

4/19/24

total: 418

cals burned: 15

i woke up at 11.... and then fell back asleep..... and then started my day at 1pm lol.. i've been trying to find my priorities and focus on THE CURRENT . i think i'm going to delete all socials media, besides tumblr ofc, and isolate from all my online friends besides u all!! i think that will help keep me motivated as i've been lackin

i don't have that many friends irl, i keep to myself, i think if i can find a way to make every aspect of my personal existence / identity perfect then i can build up from there. i'm struggling to put this into words and also to even theorize myself what i mean but if i just have so few things to keep up with, i won't feel overwhelmed. i'm autistic if i can check boxes or goals and be told exactly what i need to do to accomplish what i want i will do it. but nobody will do that for me (bc how could they) so i need to do it myself. give me time

anyways i texted some plugs and some friends and i chilllled, i start my days off lazy

asked around and ONE OF MY FRIENDS PULLED THRU?!!!!! but then i lost my wallet and tore my room apart looking for it, so i ended up having to cashapp him instead lol. and then guess what i lift up my pillow BOOM it was in the pillow case and GUESS WHAT i had already checked there!!! goodness gracious

i had half of a mandarin orange and gave the rest to my dogs, one of them spit it out tho and i stepped on it i squealed it was so scary///24

so i smoked and then i got kinda hungry, so i grabbed one of tjose tiny hersheys bars, and i broke a piece of it and i chewed it, and then i spit it, and then i did it again.. i still feel guilty ab it like what's the point of putting it in my mouth in the first place if i already know im gonna spit it out. my brother told me i should make cinnamon rolls again, and i said i would but then he said he wanted a grilled cheese instead. so i made him one on whole grain and made tomato basil soup, i live vicariously through others eating ahahhah and by the time im done cooking im too tired to be hungry!

i doodled for a little, and smoked more, then there were some guys in my backyard?? i dunno i just shut my curtains and ignored it someone else can handle that..

rescued a baby bird :3 he was grounded and there was no nest in sight, he was gaping cuz he was so hungry, i mashed up some tuna cat food for him but he didn't really take much of it, he was physically fine but still just a little guy :( we were both so nervous.. thankfully there's a 24/7 bird sanctuary/rehab 20 minutes from me, so i brought him there and left a little note, i will keep u guys updated! his name is steven with a V !

i asked my brother to get me a cherry coke zero from the store, but he got me a regular one.. i told my mom i wasn't going to drink it because i don't like how the sugary ones taste and she got mad at me, and i realized i backed myself into a corner there!! so i drank it :/ ///260

ummm i got home and watched the final two episodes of the FIRST season of the new show i've been watching, they were each like an hour long, i split the maruchan yakisoba with my brother, regular serving this time!!! it was actually pretty good ///135

everyone went to bed, i went into my room and listened to music, smoked, took Benadryl, smoked, read some, and now im in bed! i keep having paranoid schizophrenic delusions and i am armed

gn guys Bless up

#girl blogger #thinspø #skiiiny #meanspø #blog #tw ed but not sheeran #thigh g4p #sweetsp0 #⭐️ ing motivation #light as a 🪶 #counting cals #cal log #low cal food #low cal diet

[watmels]

Shiratorizawa’s Spy (Reflection)

I made the first panels of my comic Shiratorizawa’s Spy in January 2022 on a whim, based on doodle requests from my Instagram Story. I didn’t think it would turn into a big project that would take over a year, but I’m glad it did! To finally wrap this all up, I wanted to organize my thoughts about my experience making the series.

🌞 Highlights ━━━━

Shiratorizawa’s Spy-noff + Shiratorizawa’s Spy-noff 2

It was incredible to see art and writing that others created based on the series. I was especially wowed at how several writers were able to capture what I wanted to convey. To see it written out... it’s unreal!

Comic style

I’m really thankful that I drew/colored the initial panels roughly, because this style let me work quickly. If it was full color / rendered... I probably would have burnt out.

Crowd-sourcing ideas

Many plot points and even the character Goshiki Toshiki came from my followers 🙌🏻

Reading comments

This was sooo motivating. Knowing that I made people laugh, or that people felt conflicted because of Oikawa... It made me happy that my work could touch people like that! 🥺

🌚 Lowlights ━━━━

Lack of Seijoh bonding

I totally understand how readers would feel that Oikawa should have stayed at Shiratorizawa in the end, because most of the comic illustrated his relationships there... I should have drawn more interactions between Oikawa and the Seijoh team to build a stronger sense of belonging. I really wish I had introduced Matsukawa and Hanamaki in the beginning. And I probably could have expanded on the Seijoh captain, but I was reluctant to make decisions about that guy...

Losing track of the timeline

I had a bit of a meltdown when I realized InterHigh was quickly approaching in the storyline.

Discovering again that Oikawa has an Android phone in canon

I forgot about this and gave him an iPhone. When I found out again, I was unwilling to change it midway... I don’t stress about this that much though haha

📝 Lessons about making comics ━━━━

Plan ahead

It’s fun to make spontaneous filler episodes, but it’s important to remember the timeline! After my meltdown, I carefully planned the rest of the story. I’m glad I had an outline of each part towards the end.

Comic boxes

I initially drew a new box for each panel. Later, I changed to duplicating & rotating the same box for most panels. This saved a lot of time.

Procreate stuff

My process for making the comic was to duplicate a previous file, keep a few things (series title, some boxes, my signature) and create the new part.

I wish I knew earlier to TURN OFF THE PROCESS RECORDING! As time went on, my files loaded so slowly... eventually I realized it’s because every file was bigger than the last, with ever-increasing video info 💀 thankfully you can purge the time-lapse recordings.

Text

I came to this conclusion before SS, but still wanted to mention it. I much prefer typing text over handwriting it when creating a comic. It saves time, it’s easier to edit, and it’s more legible for readers!

And... that’s it! Shiratorizawa’s Spy is my magnum opus...

✈️ Now some personal updates ━━━━

This year I’ve been making some life changes and want to make even bigger ones. So it works out well that I was able to end Shiratorizawa’s Spy at this time. Next week, I’ll be moving into a friend’s apartment for a few months.

After that, I really hope to move internationally to South Korea for... an unknown amount of time. I am thinking about quitting my job. I’m grateful for my opportunities and experiences thus far, but I feel lost as an adult... I don’t know what I want to do except that I want to try living in another country. I had an amazing vacation in Korea last year, so I think I’ll start there. I’m really anxious because I don’t speak the language though.

I have so much to learn about personal finance, fitness, beauty, growing as a person, etc. I still want to draw and post occasionally, because art is my first love and passion 💖  but not sure about the frequency.

👋🏻 Anyway ━━━━

Was reading Shiratorizawa’s Spy fun? Like, about as fun as buying a coffee from a shop or seeing a movie in a theatre? If so, I would really appreciate a tip on Ko-Fi. How else could a comic artist make money — maybe mostly drawing through Patreon...? 🤔

Thank you for following me through all this. I hope it was interesting! 

#shiratorizawa's spy #reflection #personal

[msbarrows]

Dec 9 - finally hauled the two backup drives out of my emergency go-bag and did my monthly updates to them. Also baked a loaf of cumin rye bread; not sure if like. The cumin is very strong.

Made beef curry and barberry rice for dinner, with corn as the veg.

Got the yen to play TS4, so updated mods and then spent some time teaching myself how to build a residential rental with the latest EP. Was fairly simple to figure out.

Started playing the current household of my ongoing family. Accidentally gave the teenage son of my sims an early high school graduation, via him answering the phone when it was his principal calling. Whoops. Decided to move him out on his own as a teen; he's now in the basement apartment of the place I just built.

Dec 10 - having a low motives day; took until early afternoon before I got up, though I was awake for some time before that. Helped put away groceries.

Made fish sticks and oven fries for supper in the air fryer; didn't feel up to any real cooking. Just for me; brother was out.

Decided I don't like the cumin rye bread enough to bother making it again.

Played more TS4. Having Jaxson go to university as a teen, which is a first for me. Though he's still going to events at the high school so that he can meet other teenagers. Also holding down a weekend job as a manual labourer.

#Thing A Day #December 2023 #Dec 9 #Dec 10

[yumeka36]

Yumeka’s adventure in the Frozen Realm (Disney Dreamlight Valley) - part 5

*if you haven’t seen part 4 of this series, click here*

This is the final part of the 5-part series where I explore the Frozen stories in Disney Dreamlight Valley!

Continuing from where I left off in the previous post, Anna told me that Elsa seems frustrated lately about the mystery of the ice cave seal.

I visited Anna at her house that night to discuss further and found her lounging around, lol.

We decided gifts would make Elsa feel better - Anna suggested a book of portraits from Arendelle, as well as making Elsa a birthday cake (even though it’s not her birthday).

I got what I needed for the birthday cake ingredients and, with Remy’s help, we made a lovely cake~

Elsa was surprised at first for randomly getting a birthday cake, but she soon realized it was just another token of love from Anna.

Anna was delighted that Elsa liked the cake. When I told her that Elsa mentioned how they used to build snowmen together, she suggested we do the same!

Later on when I went looking for Elsa, I found her and Anna once again out to dinner. She had the below interesting dialogue when I asked her about the dresses she wears around Arendelle (perhaps she’s referring to dresses such as her winter dress from OFA and her lavender dress from the prologue of F2).

Meanwhile I was also helping Kristoff with a few things, namely helping him open a stall in the village. After I helped him get his sled out of some ice, he offered to give it to me since he can now afford another one! Great addition to my Frozen items (though I’ll probably move the sled outside - it’s not exactly an indoor item, lol).

Later on, Elsa reminded me that we still have one more crest to find in order to open the seal in the ice cave. Seems like her memories about it are coming back! I met her there the next day so we could investigate further.

As we took a stroll through her ice cave, more of her memories came back - memories that will help us find the final crest!

Thankfully Anna’s memory of the event is more clear! She hid the crest somewhere in her house.

After getting a clue from Anna, I found the crest inside the clock!

And sure enough, upon placing the final crest in its place, Elsa regained more of her memories.

The “magic links” were very specific, but relevant, items. Thankfully it didn’t take me long to gather them all.

After placing the items on the pedestals, the seal was finally broken! And with it, the ice around the nearby treasure chest disappeared.

The item inside the chest was actually one of Elsa’s ice gowns...and the reason it was so special was because it contained the first snowflake that ever fell in the valley - a snowflake that Elsa created!

Elsa nearly brought tears to my eyes as she went on about what a great friend I was for all the help I’d given her. And because of that, she insisted that I keep the dress.

Fancy dresses aren’t really my style, but I at least tried it on in front of her so as not to be rude.

And as a way to conclude my adventures with the Frozen gang, I gathered what we needed to make the “snowman family” and reported back to Anna...

With that, we all huddled together for our new family photo!

Anna was beyond grateful and gave me one of her dresses, reminiscent of her coronation dress. Again, not my style but a lovely memento nonetheless!

And that’s a wrap! This concludes the quests for the Frozen characters. Although I still have a lot to do as far as the other characters, I only wanted to post about the Frozen quests. However, I may write a full review of the game if/when I feel motivated.

For those of you who’ve enjoyed this 5-post series, thanks for sticking around! It was a lot of fun to make. Despite being a bit buggy in its early access version, Disney Dreamlight Valley has been a joy to play. I highly recommend getting it, especially next year when its free and updated version.

#frozen #disney frozen #frozen2 #frozen 2 #disney dreamlight valley #Elsa #anna #Kristoff

[snowbarrytrashh]

Time Will Tell - Chapter 7

Summary: When Barry goes back in time to try and save Oliver and the other worlds that were erased from the multiverse he creates a new flashpoint. He has no idea he’s coming back to a life he doesn’t recognize at all. (this is a snowbarry fic) 

Author’s Note: Once again I apologize for being the absolute worst at updating this. But here’s to the day after that kiss:) This chapter is shorter, and I think it would feel complete to me with one more chapter. I’d be willing to write 2 more chapters though so you guys will just have to let me know if you want one more after I get around to writing the next and maybe last one. And again I appreciate your likes and comments more than you know:) A sweet comment was actually what finally gave me the motivation to upload this today! I hope you enjoy:)

 Caitlin and Barry woke up to Marie knocking on their door telling them that breakfast was ready. 

They woke up cuddling again which Barry took as a good sign. 

 As they woke up Barry lightly brushed his hand over Caitlin’s arm. “Good morning,” he said softly. 

 “Good morning,” she replied, turning toward him. 

 He looked down, avoiding her eyes, and shyly asked, “So about last night…”

 Before he could continue, Caitlin interrupted, “Really don’t worry about it. We both played a role in that kiss, and you already apologized for leaving. You don’t need to feel bad or awkward about it. I mean unless you were gonna ask for round two because then things would be awkward,” she smirked at him.

 He started laughing. “You’re so good at that.”

 “At what,” she asked. 

 “Well for starters, making me laugh but also being kind, forgiving, patient, and so many more good things.”

 She smiled a goofy grin at him. She liked when he complimented her. 

 “I have a request,” Barry said firmly. 

  “What is it?”

 “I hate to cut our trip short. I’ve genuinely had the most fun of my life, but after breakfast would you care if we went home? I have some things I need to take care of that I just can’t wait any longer to do.” 

 Caitlin thinking she understood what he was implying brought her eyes to meet his. She looked at him with shy eyes and a soft smile, “I don’t care at all.” 

 She was letting herself hope that maybe just maybe they did have a future together. That maybe he would figure everything with Iris out and they could build a life together. But she didn’t want to get her hopes up, so she pushed it aside and focused on one thing at a time. First, she was going to have to deal with her own grief.

 They took their time and enjoyed their breakfast with Marie. They thanked her for her hospitality and all that she had helped them with. 

 They took one last little walk taking in the views and talking about how much fun they had. 

 Barry and Caitlin then tried to consolidate as many of the shopping bags as they could to make Barry’s run a little easier. They zip-tied most of the bags onto the back of the backpack they brought, and Caitlin held the last two in her hands. 

 Barry and Caitlin then got dressed for the run and he clumsily picked her up and finally started running towards his problems with the hope that he could move past them and find something new to run towards. 

 — — 

 They made it home and Barry helped Caitlin unpack all their bags. 

 Once everything was unpacked and put away Barry got in the shower and got ready. 

 — -–-

 “Hey, I really appreciate you letting us come home early.”

 “It’s really not a big deal, no need to thank me,” she responded. 

 “Well it was a big deal to me,” he said and smiled at her. 

 “I have to go deal with some stuff from my old timeline. I don’t want to push it off anymore. I don’t really know what all that means yet though, so I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll definitely be back before you go to bed.” 

 “Take all of the time you need,” she said. 

 He leaned in and hugged her. Holding her close to him and trying to get the courage to face what the day had in store for him. “Seriously thank you for everything, Caitlin. And call me if you need anything at all.”

 She smiled at him, “You do the same.” 

 — —

 Barry walked out of the front door still unsure of just what he was going to do. He walked around the block a few times before deciding he might as well head this straight on. He walked towards Iris’. 

 He knocked on the door. 

 “Barry,” Iris said as she answered the door, looking a little surprised. “I honestly wasn’t sure if you were going to want to talk to me again. But I’m glad you’re here, come in.” 

 “Actually, would you mind coming with me? I was thinking we could maybe take a little walk and talk about some stuff.”

 “Yes of course,” she responded as she stepped onto the front porch, closing the door behind her. 

 “I want to start by apologizing for my behavior the other day. This has been really hard, but none of this is your fault and it wasn’t fair for me to make you feel guilty about it.”

 “No, you reacted how anyone would. Actually, you reacted a lot better than I would have,” she said as she gave him a little nudge and a smile. 

 This made him smile. “I tried to just push all of my feelings away and not think about them, but I don’t think that’s what’s best for me.”

 “You can talk to me about anything.”

 “I was wondering if I could maybe just tell you some more about us from my timeline and you could tell me about us from yours? I just feel like it will help me to move on if I can talk about everything. And I also think hearing about us from this timeline will help me get used to us as just friends.”

 “I think that sounds perfect. Why don’t you start?”

 “I might as well start strong. Did you know we had kids?”

 “Kids as in multiple?” she asked.

 “Yeah,” he laughed. “They were actually from the future though we never got to actually have them yet before I got to this timeline yet.”

 “So we had fully grown adults before we ever had a baby?” she asked.

 “Yeah, we did,” he said laughing. 

 “Sounds like we only know how to do things complicated,” she said laughing with him.

 “That is an understatement.”

 They both laughed and cried as they told stories from their timeline. Barry went on to tell her countless crazy stories that only seemed made up. 

 Iris told him about all the fun they had. They truly had been the best of friends. She also told him about how giddy he would get when he talked to her about Caitlin. And how much fun they all had on their double dates. 

 This surprisingly made Barry feel better than he thought it would. Hearing these stories and how life was in this timeline, didn’t sound bad at all. He knew he would never be able to survive without Iris in his life, but he was now seeing that it was possible to survive with her only being his friend. 

 They laughed and cried some more, and Barry thanked her for today. It was something crucial he needed to be able to survive with the pain he had been feeling. He thought he would need to do more, but to his surprise, he just wanted to go home and see Caitlin.

 — —

 “Hey,” he said with a smile as he walked in to see her cooking in the kitchen. 

 “Hey,” she said and smiled back at him. 

 Barry walked over to her, “Can I help with anything?”

 “No, but thank you,” she smiled. “I already have almost everything done. I didn’t know when you would be home, but I figured you would still be hungry even if you got back late so I went ahead and made lots.”

 He smiled at her with a new easiness he didn’t know if he’d ever felt before. Him being with Caitlin just felt so right, so natural, so easy. “Actually, I’m starving. I haven’t eaten a thing since breakfast.”

 The oven timer then immediately went off.

 “Looks like you’re in luck then,” Caitlin said as she moved to take the dish out of the oven. 

 She prepared them both a plate and they sat down at the table to eat. 

 Before Caitlin started eating, she asked, “Do you mind me asking how today went?”

 “It went better than expected actually. I felt like it was going to take forever to even start healing, but today helped me to move along in the process more than I thought possible so fast. I mean obviously, I still have a lot to deal with, but that pain I’ve been feeling in my chest isn’t there anymore. It’s like I can breathe again.”

 “Barry, I'm so glad to hear that. Truly.”

 “Yeah, me too. But what about you? I know I’m not the only one that has stuff to deal with,” Barry said showing his concern for Caitlin. 

 “Actually, Frost came over today. I got to talk to her about a lot and I feel like I’ve started to heal more than I thought I would too.”

 He smiled at her, “And I’m so glad to know you’re healing too. 

 She raised her glass, “To us.”

 “To us.”

 — —

 They finished dinner and spent the rest of the evening talking about their days with Iris and Frost and how they’re moving forward. 

 As they crawled into bed for the evening, Barry looked over at Caitlin, “Um I don’t really know how to say this so I’m just gonna go for it. I think it’s safe to say in the short time we’ve been together that we’ve developed feelings for each other. But I meant what I said when I said I don’t want to start anything until we’re both ready for that. I really do want to see what we have one day, but I don’t want to ruin it by not being patient. Are you okay with that?” he asked. 

 “I’ll wait as long as it takes.” 

 He leaned over and kissed her forehead softly. He then pulled back before wrapping his arms around her, cuddling her before they fell asleep. He wanted to wait to start a relationship, but he wasn’t going to wait until they fell asleep to cuddle her. He wanted to enjoy it when he was awake and could appreciate what this meant to him. He was going to enjoy and soak up every moment they had together until they were ready to take the next step.

 “Goodnight, Caitlin.”

 “Goodnight, Barry.”

#sorry for totally not uploading after my last post #please forgive me #snowbarry #snowbarry fanfic #Caitlin Snow #Barry Allen #The Flash

[sleepymarmot]

Guess why I haven't been posting much for the last few days? I've been spending my free time on ESO again.

So in the middle of the Undaunted event I realized that it pretty much gave double drops from the final boss, and started frantically grinding dungeons. I normally don't do them, because they're either boring or frustrating and take too much time, and you need to spend an enormous amount of time on clearing the inventory before and sorting the loot after. So this was my best chance to gather at least some of the sets I wanted for the foreseeable future. The grind was not something I'd call fun, but it sure had me spending time and energy on the game for the first time in a couple of months. And combined with the excitement of the new update (and the rush to figure out what's going to happen to jewelry prices and to sell off my hoard while it's still worth something), that suddenly gave me the motivation to take care of my huge in-game to-do list.

And one of the most important entries on that to-do list was, uh. To progress in the storyline. Where I've been stuck between Murkmire and Season of the Dragon for years. You see, ZOS really fucked me over when they decided to make group dungeons part of the storyline. I can't stand the thought of begging random strangers to take pity and wait for me to do the quest instead of doing a speedrun like 99.9% of them want, and I wouldn't be able to enjoy the quest with them breathing down my neck anyway. So I'd prefer to do these dungeons for the first time by myself — but I'm also a very casual player, not the kind of person who soloes DLC dungeons. When the companions were released, I hoped they could replace human teammates, but they turned out to be not that strong. When the armory system was released, my stamsorc main could finally become a healer, which solved the problem of long queue times and the shame of low dps — but didn't solve the problem of questing vs speedrunning. When I discovered Oakensoul after barely touching the game for a year, I hoped it would be my ticket — but it didn't turn me into a superhero either. Nevertheless, I dutifully grinded the gear (fuck Wayrest Sewers) and tried to imitate the online builds. Today, right after the end of the event, I still had leftover adrenaline and willingness to go to dungeons left, and that pushed me to tweak my gear again and hit my personal high on a trial dummy (which was still much lower than the Oakensorc parses other people post). So I decided to ride that wave, ran through the Volenfell quest on an alt to remember who Tarayya and Quintus were, and headed to Depths of Malatar (on Normal, obviously).

At first, I was really enjoying the leisurely stroll, taking screenshots of the lovely scenery. The first boss either glitched or hid too well, because I couldn't find him and had to reset the fight, after which it went well. Everything melted so fast I asked myself why I had been even worried — are the DLC not as scary as they seem?

Then I got to the fucking Dark Orb. And died. And died. And died. I spent fifty minutes there. I changed my champion points; changed them again; unlocked some skills because by some stroke of luck I had free skill points and had not purchased the alternate morphs on this profile. Every time the fight was very easy at the beginning, then around the final 5-10% there would be an absolutely overwhelming amount of aurorans spawning faster than I could kill them, and they would stunlock and kill me. Finally, I tried to copy a solo video where the player "cheesed the boss", and miraculously, after two or three attempts it worked. Maybe that didn't give it time to spawn enough aurorans to be deadly? On my last attempt, Bastian died pretty early, and that always meant that I'd follow him soon, so I was surprised to survive.

Even the trash mobs of aurorans after that boss were hard enough to make me drop ultimates on them. By comparison, Narilmor and Symphony of Blades were easy. Or, at least, Symphony was relatively easy after I read what I was supposed to do. During that final fight, I discovered that Bastian had apparently been traumatized by his many deaths, because he refused to fight and only walked around. Luckily, Mirri didn't have that problem when I called on her to replace him. If I remember correctly, the final fight took three attempts. On the first, I didn't know what to do with the wall. On the second, I got to the last phase in the Colored Rooms (spectacular transition btw!) and when the boss was in single digits I walked backwards from one wall and right into another.

As I type this, I'm still coming down from the adrenaline — an hour later. According to the screenshots, this single run of a normal dungeon took me almost exactly two hours. I guess I'll have to find a group for all of the following ones after all... Even this one was completed only by the skin of my teeth, and it would be awful to spend hours in a dungeon and have to give up and start over anyway. I do certainly feel a Sense of Pride and Accomplishment, though! Even one solo DLC has been a big achievement for me. But I'm still mad that ZOS balances things like this for multiple players and refuses to make a solo version. This would have been a fun adventure in a pretty location, available to any solo player without the need for grinding or a specific build. But instead, the difficulty level makes it feel like an arena — a place where you come to test yourself in combat and nothing else.

#eso #blah blah blah #me 15 minutes after posting this (a fool): hm what if i queued for vet on my healer tomorrow... it should be fine with a decent group right #girl the only time you went to vet this event was a base game dungeon and a 18k hp dd threw a hissy fit at a beginner tank and left #i actually literally don't remember if i've ever done vet dlc let alone vet dlc pugs #this is the devil talking

[mnovenia]

3 MORE MONTHS to 2023

From my human eyes, jujur takut banget nulis ini.. but it's said feed your mind with faith.

That picture is what I've been having in head for few years. It's my ideal place to have a date, romantically chilling while in the autumn/cold, and even my pre-wedding photo theme. I think I had this picture since in NL, and with that Koko, Oppa or whoever oriental guy I had in mind.

But nope, no guy come to that yet HAHAHA, kapan ya gw nulis di tumblr kalo that one guy has finally come :''' God knows (merinding sendiri nulisnya).

Ok let's flash back. So the last update about the singaporean guy is called TWY (chinese name GUYS). At first, I thought he was alright, similar passion, way of thinking, live in Bali, but on our 2nd date (meeting), I found out that he is a Buddhist, with Kwan Im shrines in his villa. Well, well, well I was so disappointed, I asked God why, I got myself out of him, knowing that God is either giving me mission to help him see the light or tempting me HAHAHAH. Anyway I withdrew from him, went to Jakarta, Bandung and had a pleasant trip. I was shown that there are plenty of guy out there better than forcing myself to end up with TWY. Also during the service at HMCC, God showed me that I should move on and not playing with fire.

May's highlight: I went to Singapore, also a hightlight cos I download Coffee meet bagels, and found many single christian guys, its just none of them like me or has a future with me in Bali. HAHAHA. Experiencing other country for the 1st time since pandemic is a blessing. I love my freedom, chinese culture, foods, good public transport, but oh my the kiasuness n expensive life made me so grateful when I returned to Bali

I close 6 deals in the kavling PD, also another 4 in Apple. Thank God thank God I cannot be more blessed and surprised, it's all Him. Thank you Mba Gathi, Ochi dkk, Nic, Ivan & Pak David.

July, I went crazy with house sale in Bandung, but also so relieved that I no longer have that burden back home. I also managed to buy a land, OMG my 1st property in Bali, thank you God for replacing what I left, sold, sacrificed in the past. You made it so easy just to do things according to your will.

Me n TWY remains friends as we got close a bit during my HMCC friends came, also Pak David n Ivan. However it made me realize we better just keep remaining be friends. He gave me idea to build a villa for rent with the money from Bandung. So I had a deal with the Architect, Pak Hendra, he's the best. I'm still hesitate to choose a contractor and also to decide how much should I put in money to this investment.

with all those things I'm grateful for, I also have many days when I struggle, trying to motivate myself to stay alive for another day, some days are depressing cause I lose hope, I don't find life exciting anymore, etc.

However, God also answer my prayer regarding church in Bali. Maybe beginning of June, HMCC Jkt decided to only hold onsite congregration so I was kind of forced to resign from membership. I was confused, trying online Grace Church sgp, GKY, etc until Bella shared that she will open a new service at her parents' house. Idk if it's not an answer to prayer.

And afterwards, her Dad got so sick n I was the only person available to accompany, take care, etc. And God was just so gracious, that it happened when I had so much savings from commisions and house selling. I borrowed her fam money and did everything I possibly could, while staying in Marlene's jie house while she & the fam back in NZ. Phewww..

Since then, I commit to Yewon church Bali, being in touch with Bella's fam, and even her Korean guests, etc. In my heart, idk what else is God trying to work in me. Also I got cheap ticket to Seoul on July, then decided to go for Yewon's church conference and a bit of trip with Nongky n her bro sis. HAHAHA, seems like my KDrama life will come true. I'm still praying for my visa though, been struggling these past 2 weeks, however God's will be done, I'm applying for multiple entry visa.

With all these, I just have to remind myself, to pray like Elijah:

Know and acknowledge who He is (God of Abraham)

Know who I am (servant)

Answer my prayer Lord (boldly)

Bring the people back to You (His Kingdom first above all else)

"Answer me Lord, answer me, so these people will know that you Lord are God and that you are turning their hearts back again" - 1 Kings 18:37

Oh ya, I'm leading BSF now, also still teach Norman, thinking of joining Ministry at church, and still approaching new clients (PRAY PRAY PRAY so I have more confidence to build the Villa for God's glory with humble heart) and Visa Korea, and View-ture husband HAHAHA. Alright goodnight kind Lord, Love You, saranghaeyo.

[pinerreader]

Starfield game awards

#Starfield game awards update

#Starfield game awards full

#Starfield game awards Ps4

That changed during Xbox and Bethesda's showcase in June 2022, which featured a 15-minute gameplay showcase. Starfield gameplayĮven after two trailers, we still arguably knew next to nothing about Starfield, with only hints given out by that pair of clips. Returning to the good side of that information, the game will also release straight onto Xbox Game Pass, so if you're a subscriber to that service you'll be able to play it at no additional cost immediately.

#Starfield game awards Ps4

That's why it wasn't a great surprise to get confirmation that the game will be exclusive to Xbox consoles and PC when it releases - Starfield will not be appearing on the PS4 or PS5. After all, Microsoft recently completed its blockbuster purchase of Bethesda, and big-name exclusives will surely have been one major motivator behind that. What would have been a simple bit of estimation over the course of years has become more complicated when it comes to the game's likely platforms.

#Starfield game awards full

Eric: “This game should be amazing… I can’t wait for a big Bethesda game.The slightly longer trailer above gave us a bit more to work with, but it was in June 2022 that we got our first full look at gameplay, in a showcase you can view further down this page.

#Starfield game awards update

Game or Big Hame Update You’re Most Looking Forward To Apple can’t dictate anymore that there is only one payment processor system that is their own.”

Niklas: “Finally someone took on Apple and the tail managed to wag the dog.

The missed opportunity part is that they leaned way too heavily on existing UX and systems design from Asian MMOs and mobile MOBAs and botched monetization design.”

JK: “It’s personally my favorite game of 2021 because the gameplay is great – a simplified MOBA that is great for kids to play and something an old dad like me can play with the whole family.

Eric: “Apex is the game that has had amazing resilience in an otherwise struggling market for console engagement.”.

Ken: “Apex has been a sleeper for a while and really took over player attention in the battle royale scene in the last half of the year.”.

As with our past awards lists, we’ll be keeping things simple with a summary of the top ten games spanning multiple systems and genres, along with a few specific shout-outs for Best VR games and Best Remake/Remaster games.

Ken: “It exploded in popularity for a while and surprised many traditional game designers due to its lack of traditional ‘fun’ gameplay.” We reviewed over 230 games in 2021 and 30 of those were good enough to earn nominations for our Game of the Year Awards.

Mainly based on performance relative to expectations.

What an entrepreneurial accomplishment, not only for a game studio but in general.” It is astounding that Iron Gate made this game with only 5 people. Cozy base building, combined with vast (procedurally generated) Map and exploration. Great single-player experience, combined with 10-people coop.

Niklas: “It’s a great game, not because of any particular feature, but because of how it makes you feel, how immersive it is.

Any one of these titles could easily win Most Anticipated Game, which goes to show how insane 2022 is going to be for gamers. The Legend of Zelda: Breath of the Wild 2, and Starfield.

Brian: “Step-function innovations on coop gameplay.” The Game Award for Most Anticipated Game is always one of the most exciting categories because it showcases all the great things.

Stock down significantly, brain drain, game delays, poor community sentiment.

Huge Metaverse play.”īiggest loser: Which games industry company was the biggest loser in 2021? Increase of 30% on stock price and up 70% during the year. As a summary here is what we came up with for our awards below: Biggest winner: Which games industry company was the biggest winner in 2021?

#Starfield game awards

[secretlifeofdenisworld]

"HOPELESS"

It is hard being adult. You started thinking of saving for your future. Buy your own house. Build your own family and be financial stable. I took a lot of free various courses online, hoping to have a great opportunity. Not getting tired of searching for a job, hoping to finally found one.

There's this job post that caught my attetion , because it is related to my course and in my previous job experience. So I applied on it, and has a huge hope that I will get hire. I was contacted by the Hr, and invited me for a job interview in their company. The day of interview, emergency happened. My niece got sick and wasn't able to attend the interview. Obviously I chose family over again. Yet I am still talking to Hr, and she gave me an exam to passed. This will be the last chance for me to be able to interview by the boss.

I failed the IQ exam and send the result to the Hr. But she told me that it is Okay. She told me that I can take the exam several times until I get the exam perfect. So I did. I passed! Then she told me to go to the office to be interviewed. When I get in to the office, the interview with the Hr started, I passed. The next interview is with the Boss. He took me in a cafe and there the interview happen.

He asked a lot of things about me, etc. During the interview we laugh, we get along, we found out that we are both Christian and we talked about Christian stuffs. My heart is happy that time cause I am expecting that I will passed the interview and I will get the job finally. After the interview, the Hr send me message that the Boss asked her about my account on viber (which what they are using in the office for communication). I felt very happy and hopeful that time though I was in hard time looking for a ride home.

I was hopeful and very happy that time. When I went home, I tell my parents everything and showed them how positive and happy I am. I can't eat that night because of excitement. I always check up on my phone, waiting for him to message me regarding my application. And He did message me. He asked my location, and was touched that he spent time looking for my place. We are talking till we slept. The next day, the Hr send me message that the Boss asking if I updated her. I had never thought that it was the last time we would talk.

I felt very sad and hopeless that time. I don't know why but I was started to miss them. I know it sounds crazy. But the few hours we spent together and talking seemed like such a long time ago. I was broken and started being hopeless. It made me depressed. It made me very sad and unmotivated. It made me feel like I'm useless, unworthy, stupid and loser. I started to avoid talking to people. The smile on my face I earned for a long time was gone in just one snap. I don't know how to be motivated and positive again. I loose interest at everything. I AM LOSER. I AM USELESS.

I will die stupid. I will die useless. I will die alone.

I can't ask for help to my friends. I chopped my hair and tried online shppping, wishing it might help, but is not. Im afraid. It isn't effective anymore.

After that insident, a lot of bad things happened. Some broke my heart so much, some are opened the wound that I thought was healed, and some triggers my depression. It made my depression and anxiety even worst. I am getting worst everyday. It kills me little by little.

I stopped talking to God. I started loosen faith in him. I departed myself from him. I just want to be alone. I want peace. I want to fix myself again. But how can I fix myself if I am hopeless and broken???

All I know is that, things won't change. I will foverever be a LOSER!

#anxiety #hopeless #help #faithless #unmotivated

[rayslittlekitten]

"Wanna Be"

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 4.5 | Part 5

UPDATE: Wrote a one shot, Teenage Dream that takes place some time after Part 5.

A/N: It's finally coming to an end. I've honestly built everything up to this final moment. There was a Writer Wednesday prompt from back in September of last year that I had wanted to use when I had first started writing this series. I couldn't figure out how to build to that yet and I had written a good chunk of this last part even before I wrote the last few parts. I had to know for sure how it ended before filling in the blanks. Believe it or not, an actual child's birthday party that had a bouncy castle sparked a sentimental moment so I built around that. "I Love You Always Forever" by Donna Lewis (YT link below) was the perfect song for this and it inspired and motivated me. Not just lyrically, but melodically. It gave the perfect summer time nostalgic feel I was going for. I highly recommend listening to it if you don't already know the song.

Thank you again @lovebarefootblonde for beta reading and helping me with this. Thank you all for reading, commenting, and reblogging. I hope you enjoy the end of this.

Rating: T

Word Count: ~3.5k

Pairing: Will "Ironhead" Miller x F!reader

Contains: pining, angst, fluff, hurt/comfort, mentions of near death

It feels like it’s been longer than eight months since you’ve last been back to Red Feather Lakes. You’ve gotten used to the hustle and bustle of big city life since you’ve graduated college and moved to New York City. You actually have moved around and traveled quite a bit since you’ve gotten your Bachelor’s degree but the Big Apple has become your second home for the last few years.

You took a week off to visit your family and learned that your little cousin is having their fifth birthday party hosted at your parents’ place. You are expecting a plethora of small children within a few hours so you’re helping your family prep by stuffing little cheap plastic goodie bags with a variety of candies, stickers and dollar store toys and knick knacks.

The doorbell rings and you pause your task for a moment to go answer it, but your mother says she's got it so you continue on.

"Are people coming already?" you ask particularly no one. "What the heck do you even do with these?" You put up what looks like a miniature Power Ranger-themed kaleidoscope to your eye and look around. Everything you see is multiplied twenty times as if you're looking through the eyes of a house fly.

You can hear your mother excitedly greeting whoever is at the door. You hope they didn’t hire a clown or some superhero.

"Oh my gosh, honey, look who's here!"

You see your mother and whoever is with her, times twenty, as they walk into the dining room where you’re seated. After amusing yourself for a whole 15 seconds, you put the toy down and then see your mother with someone you hadn't seen since you were eighteen years old. The two of you make eye contact and just stare at each other unmoved, not saying a word or making any noise. You’re pretty sure you’re not even breathing.

Somehow, both a million thoughts and nothing are running through your head at the same time. You have so much you want to say to him and so many things you want to ask but also don’t want to talk to him. You want to hug him and never let go, but at the same time, you want to punch him in the face as well. You’re not sure if you’re ecstatic to see him or livid that he just randomly showed up to your parents’ house.

"Maybe you two have some catching up to do. Come outside when you're ready, Will." Your mother pats his shoulder before heading out to the backyard.

You open your mouth but no words are coming out.

Will forces his legs to move, taking his time to take short strides towards you as you slowly get up from your seat. You push the chair aside and step closer to him as he rounds the table. As you close the distance, you trip on the leg of the table and fly towards Will and he instinctively catches you. With your hands on his arms, you notice his biceps and forearms are much firmer and bigger than you remember. One of them even has a tattoo. He's also gained some width and height as well. He's no longer a lanky baseball star. He is definitely broad enough to be on the football team now. He is grown, but still as handsome - maybe even more so now. He’s got a beard now and his hair is different. It’s shorter than what you’re used to, but longer than a buzzcut.

You’re sure he’s noticed you’ve changed a bit too, seeing his eyes darting all over you.

"Still clumsy?" Will cracks a smirk.

"Still an asshole?" you ask without missing a beat, half-joking.

“It’s good to see you too,” Will says with a slight twinkle in his eyes even though they don’t seem to shine as bright as you’ve always known them to.

"W-what are you doing here?" you ask, befuddled as you straighten yourself out.

"Helping your parents move some things in the yard." Will points to the doors leading out to the patio. "They’ve also invited me and my parents to your cousin's party."

“Wait, how long have you been back for?”

“I actually flew in earlier in the week. How about you?" Will shifts his weight to his other leg. “Do you still live here?”

"No, I landed yesterday from New York," you answer. “How long are you staying for?”

“I’m actually leaving tomorrow morning.”

You nod politely and it's back to awkward silence.

“Is my mom making you--“ you point your thumb towards the back yard.

“She isn’t making me do anything. My mom asked me to come across the street to give a hand in moving some heavier things. I couldn’t say no even if I wanted to." Will shoves his hands into his jean pockets. "I love your mom. She’s the sweetest.”

“Did she promise you cake?” you shoot him a knowing look.

Will nods. “And pizza and ice cream.” He smirks. “Can’t pass up Ray’s. It’s the best pizza in town.”

You smirk as well. “I’ll make a special goodie bag just for you then.”

“Please don’t give me any tootsie rolls. No one eats that shit.” Will chuckles.

"Fine. I'll throw in an extra pencil topper for you instead." You point the said item at him. A warm smile spreads across Will's face.

"Or maybe I should add in an extra pencil as well? In case you might want to write a letter or something?" you add while shrugging, trying not to sharpen your words and tone too much. His smile softens and then he lets his head hang.

"I'm sorry to interrupt," your mothers strolls in. "I need a hand--"

"Don't worry about it." Will immediately picks his head back up and shakes it. “I'm right behind you."

"See you later?" Will turns back to you.

You nod. "I hope so."

Will reaches his hand up to the top of your head and ruffles your hair, pulling a small smile from you, before walking out to the backyard.

***********************

The sun has already started to set, painting the sky in a pink and orangey cloudy haze. Most of the children have left and the remaining ones are inside the house waiting to get picked up or playing with your little cousin. The kids had worn themselves out earlier either splashing in the pool or jumping around in the bouncy castle your aunt and uncle had rented for the child's birthday party.

You and Will volunteered to clean up the backyard and the only thing left to do is to deflate the bouncy castle, but Will suggested you two have a few jumps before doing so. A few awkward jumps turn into you two knocking into each other and falling and rolling around. The two of you did have quite a few drinks. The both of you stay horizontal on the vinyl as his contagious laugh fills the castle. It's been so long since you've heard his genuine heartfelt laugh.

Actually, it’s just been so long since you’ve really heard him at all. The both of you lost touch a few years after you started college and he joined the military. You used to write letters to him and he would write back when he could, but somewhere along the way, the letter exchanging became less frequent until it came to a halt. Then you started collecting and sending him postcards from the different places you would visit, not knowing if he was even getting them. You didn’t really write much on them though. You didn’t really have much to say to him if he didn’t have anything to say back, but you still wanted to keep the line open.

Will was able to get a few days off and came home to see his family as well. He didn't expect you to be there, nor did he know if you or your family still lived in the same house, but he's more than happy to see you again.

You look over and watch as Will looks up through the open top framing the hazy sky, watching the clouds slowly passing through, seemingly content with this moment based on the smile on his face. A smile that reaches his blue eyes, accompanied by some fine lines around his mouth and corner of his eyes. You see a little peek of the spark you missed earlier. Another thing you missed in the last near decade.

"Hey, you know what I found while helping my parents get rid of some old stuff?” Will looks over at you.

“What?”

“My N64.”

“Wow. You still have that?” You ask, surprised.

“Yeah. You wanna see if it still works?”

“You’re never taking the Mario Kart championship away from me, Miller,” you laugh. “I’m taking it to the grave with me.”

“Afraid you’re gonna lose?” Will taunts.

“Oh, please," you scoff.

"Come on then." Will sits up and gets to his feet. He takes your hand into his, and then pulls you up.

He drags you out of the castle and pulls you along across the street into the garage where a bunch of boxes are piled all around. As Will goes to dig up the gaming console, you look around and poke into a few boxes, recognizing some of the items.

“Oh shit, you still have this too?” You ask excitedly as you walk over to the dusty bicycle.

Will looks over at your direction.

“Yeah. Think my parents are gonna donate that.”

“Hey, I have a better idea. Let’s take this out for a spin one last time,” you suggest.

“I don’t even know if it can handle the two of us together anymore,” Will chuckles.

“Come on! Maybe just around the neighborhood?” You pull the bike out and Will follows you to the driveway.

Will gets on the bike and you start laughing because of how ridiculous he looks being 6’1” straddling a bike meant for someone shorter than him.

“Are we gonna do this or what?” Will asks. “Hop on!”

You get behind him with what little space there is and wrap your arms around his waist like the way you used to. You're immediately hit with a nostalgic feeling of warmth and fullness in your chest. A feeling it seems you hadn’t felt in a long time. Or maybe it’s just something you've only felt with him. You hold onto him a little tighter and press yourself against his back, not wanting to ever let him go.

“Hang on tight!”

Will starts pedaling but you can’t help but start laughing again picturing how silly he probably looks, like a clown riding a tiny tricycle. Will surprisingly makes it pretty far until he goes to make a turn and the bike tilts over. Thankfully Will’s quick reflexes prevent the both of you from completely falling over.

“Damn. We had a good run though.”

You both hop off the bike and quietly walk it back towards his house.

“How’s Benny doing?” You ask, breaking the comfortable silence.

“He’s doing well, considering.” Will nods. “My parents worry about him - about us really - but I reassure them he’s doing fine.”

“You’re scared shitless, aren’t you?” You ask him after a few moments.

Will chuckles and then nods.

“Every single fucking day. Told him he should have gone to college instead but I knew it was really for my own peace of mind than for his.”

“Benny is a warrior and always has been,” you tell him.

Will lets out a heavy sigh.

“Yup, he is,” he nods.

Will returns the bike to where he found it, and then the both of you head back across the street to finish cleaning up, the N64 long forgotten.

Afterwards, the two of you find yourselves in your childhood bedroom.

“Wow, nothing has changed,” Will looks around recognizing all the furniture and decoration, including your Backstreet Boys posters plastered on the wall. "At all."

“Yeah, my parents basically kept it the same way after I moved away.”

A picture frame on the nightstand gets his attention. It’s the photo booth picture of you, Will, Benny and his date at the time. Will sits down on the bed and smiles while looking at it.

“Wow, you still have this? I remember this night.”

“How can you not?” You walk closer to the bed. “That’s when you fell in love with Angela.” You throw yourself onto the bed and lay on your back with your arms behind your head.

“Yeah, I did, didn’t I?” He cranes his neck to look back at you for a moment before setting down the picture frame and then laying down next to you.

“You fell hard. Scraped your knees and palms pretty badly.”

“Probably my face too,” Will chuckles. “Ah, young love.”

“So you got any Angelas in your life?” You look over at him.

Will turns to look back at you for a moment, as if his eyes are searching for something before turning back to the ceiling.

“Nah,” he scrunches his nose and shakes his head. "I mean, I've had some girlfriends here and there but nothing really serious."

After a beat, Will turns to you. "How about you? Are you still with Ian?”

The mention of your ex only means there’s only one way he would know about him.

“No, we broke up years ago,” you turn to look at him.

"I'd say I'm sorry, but he sounded like a dick anyways," Will smirks.

You immediately sit up.

"So you have been getting my letters this whole time?" you ask, probably a little calmer than you had actually wanted to.

Will looks up at you and his smirk fades.

"Why'd you stop writing?” You ask, looking over at him.

“I didn’t,” Will answers quietly, staring up at the ceiling light. “I just never sent the letters out.”

“Why not?”

Will continues to look up and think for a moment while chewing on the inside of his cheek.

“I guess I felt like I didn’t deserve you and when I stopped getting letters from you, I thought that was it. That you finally gave up on me.”

“That you didn’t deserve my friendship?” You scoff. “That’s silly. I didn’t give up on you. You stopped writing back. I thought maybe you’re too busy defending our country or god forbid--” You turn your face away from him, take a deep breath and wipe the tears that threaten to fall.

Will’s brows pull together as he looks up at you and puts his hand over yours.

“But after three years of not hearing back from you, not even a phone call, I had got in touch with Benny and he said you were fine and he had still been in contact with you so I don’t know what happened,” you sniffle.

“No, I thought that I didn’t deserve you.” Will sits up. “I didn’t think you’d wait for me. Hell, I didn’t want you to wait for me. Look at all you’ve accomplished. I mean, we’ve both done some traveling like we always planned but seems like you’ve done more than I have. Thank you for the postcards by the way,” he throws you a tight-lipped smile.

“Why would you think I wouldn’t wait for you?”

“I guess I thought if my own girlfriend wouldn’t wait for me, why would you?” Will shrugs.

“Will, you were my best friend. I would have done anything for you. I mean, Jesus, it’s not like I would have had to put my life on hold for you. I just wanted my best friend back.”

Will takes a deep breath.

“There were just things I wanted to tell you and I was not ready to, so I wrote them out but held on to them,” Will tells you.

“You know you can tell me anything, Will. At least, I hope you felt that way,” you say. You let out a heavy sigh and lean back to let yourself fall back down onto the bed.

“I missed you.”

You glance over to Will who’s now looking down at where his hand is still covering yours. You can feel his thumb caressing your knuckles. You gently squeeze his fingers and he looks over to you.

“I missed you, too,” you reply, feeling your eyes welling up again.

Will looks at you for a moment and then brings your hand to his mouth and presses his lips to your fingers. You scrunch your brows together at his gesture.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers.

He lays back down next to you and scoots closer to you. He entangles his fingers with yours and then turns to his side facing you. Your head is turned, facing him.

“I’ve missed you since the day I told you I was joining the army.” Will reaches out and swipes his thumb under your eye. “I’m so sorry I ghosted you.”

“I actually nearly died a few months ago and it made me think about you a lot and how much I haven’t told you, haven’t shared with you. How much I want to share with you and experience with you.” Will cups your face and caresses your cheek with his thumb. You close your eyes and savor his warm, soft touch, leaning into his hand.

You sense Will shifting and then feel him kiss your forehead. You open your eyes and find his face right in front of yours. He searches your face and you nudge your nose against his. He leans in closer, ghosting his lips over yours until you close the distance. The two of you cautiously kiss at first, and then Will deepens it as he cradles your neck. You follow suit and return the passion. You can taste the beer he had earlier on his tongue and lips. Your head feels light and floaty as you continue to make out with him.

He pulls back, breaking the kiss and he locks eyes with you.

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a very long time,” Will says breathlessly.

“Me too,” you smile.

You feel your eyelids getting heavy and you’re having trouble keeping them open. You cover your mouth and move away as you yawn.

“I’m sorry, your kisses are not boring me. I think I’m just a bit jetlagged,” you tell him.

“I really should be in bed by now too. I have a really early flight.”

“I wish we could spend more time together.”

“What better time than now?” Will kicks his shoes off and finds a comfortable position before wrapping his arms around you and enveloping you in his body.

You kick off your shoes as well, wrap your arms around his waist and snuggle your face into his chest. You immediately feel like you are home. You close your eyes again, and let the beating of his heart lull you to sleep.

**********

The morning sunlight and chirping birds right outside your window awakens you. You yawn as you rub the sleep out your eyes and stretch out your stiffened muscles. You then remember Will was with you last night so you sit up and look around your room. There is no sign of him.

You start to feel a tightening in your chest and a sinking feeling deep in your gut. You take a few deep breaths to put your tears at bay, but one slips out and rolls down your cheek.

You lost him again.

You finally let it all out. Let these feelings of rejection, abandonment and sadness overwhelm you. You had thought you had a chance to at least say goodbye to him and confess your feelings before he left.

You pull yourself together long enough to grab a tissue from your nightstand. When you do, you notice a handwritten note sitting next to it. It was the one you had slipped into his goodie bag when you had felt the resentment bubbling up yesterday, except it had additional writing on it:

“Do you still want to be pen pals? ☐Yes, I promise to write back. ☑︎No, because I am an asshole who leaves their friends hanging. I’d rather talk to you on the phone instead. 555-4108.”

You laugh at the note, not because you found it funny, but because you are relieved. You thought you were never going to see or hear from him again. You wipe the tears from the corner of your eyes and blow your nose into a tissue. You take a deep breath and call the number on the note, but it goes straight to voicemail:

“Hi, you’ve reached William Miller. Please leave your name, number and a brief message and I will get back to you as soon as I-–”

You smile hearing his voice, but you hang up before the beep kicks in. He must be in the air already. You decide to send him a text message:

“I’m mad that you didn’t let me say goodbye to you, but I hope to hear from you soon. I better be saved as Mario Kart Champion on your phone.”

Satisfied with your text, you send it off and get out of bed to start your day. As you approach your door, you notice a piece of paper taped to the back of it:

**********

#charlie hunnam #charlie hunnam fanfiction #will ironhead miller fanfiction #will ironhead miller x you #william ironhead miller x reader #will ironhead miller x reader #william ironhead miller #will ironhead miller #triple frontier #triple frontier fanfiction #writer wednesday

[slipper007]

This was your child.

Word Count: 1,448

Inspired by @icefire149 and @officialmisha 's tags on this post (thank you @featherasscas for motivating me to do this)

Also posted on my AO3

TW: Child Loss, grief and grieving

His body was heavy.

Castiel didn’t expect it, not when he’d scooped Jack up, held him like the child he was.

He had dropped his angel blade, left it behind in order to save Jack from the battle raging around them. He wouldn't leave him there, broken and burnt with his wings charred into the grass, a body so easily possessable by any one of the souls God had conjured. He could still smell the seared skin and ash. No, he would rather die than leave him there.

Arms full, Castiel had made a break for it, gotten all of them into a crypt not far from where God had abandoned them, but he couldn’t bring himself to put Jack down as the Winchesters fortified the door. With his powers, he should have been feather-light.

Castiel thought again of the scorched wings and choked back bile.

He was three. He’d only had three years when he should have had eons like Cas. Creatures like them were cursed in that way, to watch those they loved rise and fall and turn to dust, but they had each other. They should have had each other for the rest of time.

Instead, Jack was limp and soundless in his arms.

Castiel tried to tell himself Jack was asleep, the way humans had comforted themselves for millennia. Empty sockets told him otherwise, but he still laid him on the ground as carefully and gently as he could.

The Winchesters were trying to talk to him, but he was busy. Couldn’t they see that? Jack needed him.

He extended two fingers to the boy’s forehead and felt tendrils of grace try to heal him, just as he had tried when Chuck was smiting him. Maybe now, when he wasn’t contending with the power of a god, he could make it work. He still had power, enough power for this. He had promised Kelly, and Jack himself, that he would be there to protect him. He had signed away his happiness, any attempt at a future, to save this child. This couldn’t be the end.

Castiel’s grace flickered, and his eyes flicked up to Jack’s unchanged face.

Jack still had so much left to do; his story wasn’t over yet.

Castiel brushed the hair from his forehead and tried again, feeling the anguish building in his chest start to overflow.

Nothing was changing, nothing was healing, but a part of him was screaming in agony as it died.

Castiel tried one last desperate thing, reaching deep within himself and ripping a part out, trying to use the scraps of his grace to bring Jack back to life. He was a creature born of primordial energy, and his grace was the core of that, a beacon of life that could heal wounds or grow trees. Surely, when paired with his love, his despair, his sheer will, he could create life anew, bring back his son.

The white-blue glow surrounded them both, and Castiel felt it seeping out, more power than he had tried to use in years pounding in his chest like the heartbeat he wanted to bring back.

Jack stayed unmoving, body growing cold and pale.

It wasn’t enough.

There wasn’t enough power, no God to pray to, nothing he could do.

Jack was dead.

The door creaked and groaned and for once, Castiel welcomed the danger. He didn’t move from Jack’s side as the Winchesters called for him, begged him to help. The door fell with a crash.

The souls didn’t stand a chance.

Continue Reading

Castiel felt the burning, aching pain in his chest grow, and rather than force it down, try to keep channeling it into Jack, he let it out. His grace seized violently as he lashed out at them with his anguish, screaming. White light poured from his body, obliterating every soul it touched as the Winchesters dove for cover. He felt the ground beneath him quake and tremble as a chasm opened between him and the others, and parts of the floor gave out and crumbled. Bodies fell as the souls inside them were destroyed, billions upon billions turned back to the stardust that seeded creation.

All that stopped him from leveling it all, razing the field outside and destroying what was left of Chuck’s machinations, were the stone walls of the crypt around them.

If he destroyed the crypt, he would bury Jack.  

He couldn’t…

The souls gone, Castiel collapsed to his knees. He felt tears burning in his eyes, but tears didn’t soothe the throbbing loss in his chest, and tears wouldn’t bring Jack back. It didn’t stop them from raining down, his tears leaving trails in the dust that had fallen on Jack during it all before he wiped it away.

Castiel wanted nothing more than to join him on that floor.

Who will protect him, keep him safe?

A hand fell on his shoulder.

“Cas…”

“You killed him.”

Castiel hardly recognized the voice that spoke as his own, and apparently neither did the Winchesters.

“God—”

“God didn’t kill Jack, you did,” Castiel said again, feeling anger build in the new hole in his chest. “You held a gun to his head, betrayed him, locked him in a box—”

“He was dangerous, he killed—”

“It was an accident!” Castiel shouted. “He made a mistake!”

“He was soulless!”

“BECAUSE OF YOU!”

The Winchesters startled back as the words echoed, and Castiel felt the roof above them start to crumble. He forced the destruction down, tried to keep from burying his son.

“He burned off his soul saving us, trying to prove he could be useful even without his grace because you taught him he wasn’t! You taught him that the same way you taught me. All he wanted was your approval, to make things right, and you wouldn’t give him that!”

“I—”

“You both were like a father to him. He looked up to you.” Castiel turned his gaze to Dean alone, words cold and angry and burning. “He loved you. And I loved you. I loved you so much that I abandoned everything I ever knew. I took a leap of faith for you, and I suffered and lost more than you could ever imagine. And now you take Jack from me, too. He was three years old.”

For once, the Winchesters fell silent, but it did nothing for him. It wouldn't bring Jack back. He shucked off his trenchcoat and draped it carefully across Jack like a blanket before picking him up.

He was three.

He took Jack outside, feeling his grace spasm and hiccup as the grief grew. It threatened to tear him apart from the inside.

This was your child. I can’t imagine the pain.

Was this what he’d cursed Lily Sunder to a lifetime of?

“Cas,” Sam quietly tried, “He needs a funeral.”

“I’m not giving him a hunter’s funeral,” Castiel snapped, holding Jack even tighter. “Or a human one. He’s half angel, I’ll take care of it.”

Dean moved to speak, but Castiel gave him a withering glare before he could even get the words out.

He tried to set him in the passenger seat of his truck, but couldn’t force himself to. The whirlwind inside him was still thrashing and burning, the dead weight in his arms only making it more violent.

With care, he managed to keep Jack wrapped in his coat and look down to avoid seeing the burned remains of his eyes. When he moved to make his way to the driver’s side, he saw Jack’s wings and the hurricane brewing within him finally came out.

Castiel felt the earth quake and the sky bleed as he tore it all apart. Atom by atom, he reduced the world around him to nothing, collapsing the crypt to dust and cracking the earth as easily as one might swat a fly. The trees toppled like dominos, but he spared the gravestones around him, unable to destroy them.

The bodies underground were all someone’s child, too.

Something in him snapped, and the cosmic power drained away in mere moments. He was left standing at the center of a ruined earth, the last thing standing for miles, even as the Winchesters cautiously looked up from behind the stones, fear in their eyes at the destruction he had caused, of what he was, but he paid them no mind. He was too lost in feeling and he knew, even without thought, that he had fallen.

The pain grew worse, even more all-consuming as emotion overwhelmed him.

Only humans can feel real joy, but…also such profound pain.

He thought he had understood pain and loss before, but nothing could have prepared him for this.

///

Update: continues here

#this fucking hurt to write. #I don't know if i did the concept justice but we're gonna throw it out there anyway #slipper007writes #tw child loss #dadstiel #castiel #supernatural #spn fic #jack kline

[stayarmytinyzenmoa-l]

Zemblanity [Teaser 2]

“Hey! Give it back!” You reached for the book Ten held above his head. It was weathered beyond its years and pages seemed to be falling out of its old leather-bound spine. It was being held loosely together by a thin rope, one that swung precariously around as Ten moved it away from your reach.

“What’s this, your diary?”

“No! I just found it, okay?”

“Oh, so you just happened to find a diary that didn’t belong to you in your room?”

“Yes!”

“I’ll take it, it probably belonged to the last owner, huh? Plus, it’s not your handwriting, I don’t think. I heard the last owner of this room died or something.”

“Well that’s the only way to get out of this place, I guess,” you rolled onto your bed and Ten sat at the edge of it.

“Let’s see what this person’s life was like,” Ten had a devilish grin on his face when he opened the journal. “Ugh, it’s boring.”

“Let me see,” he handed the journal to you and you opened it to the first page. “I… what is this? Some kind of obsession thing.”

“It’s boring!”

You rolled your eyes and read through the first page.

~

I will never forgive them. As I watch each of their tapes… I am disgusted. I hate them. I hate them. I hate them. How dare they act like what’s mine is theirs? In this lifetime and all others… she’s mine. How could I forget her? How could I forget the way she held me? I will never forget the first time she told me she loved me, the way my heart fluttered, the way the world felt right, and the way we fell in love all over again. Maybe, perhaps, if I say it myself, she will fall for me once again. I must make note of it here. The confessions they told her, I will make it my own.

'I love you, but you already knew that. What you don't know is how you gave me strength and motivation to move forward, and I can now hold onto your hand tightly.'

'I'm still learning how to steer. Even if I lose my balance, knowing that you're there with me, there will still be a smile on my face.'

‘I love you, I always have, and at this rate, I always will. You don't understand, I have dreams of a future with you, but I can never tell what you're thinking, and your smile always has me guessing.’

‘You have always made me realize that there are no boundaries on the ground and the sky is limitless. I shall always find my way to you, if only we could turn back time.’

‘I've known you for so long, and yet you remain the one puzzle I can't seem to decipher. So, instead, in the colors of your dream, will you put down my name and write your feelings of longing on your expressions?’

‘Together we'll build a nation that's chosen by the heavens, and only dreamers like you and I, my love, are allowed to proudly enter.’

Summary: You were told your whole life to avoid Sector V, but when a series of strange dreams lead you to the entrance, you soon discover that there was more to your late father’s warning than the horrible criminals kept inside.

Release Date: 5 February 2022

Pairing: [Choose Your Ending] WayV x Reader

Genre: Thriller, Mystery, Mild Horror

YN Pronouns: Female (She/Her)

Updates: Every Other Saturday at 6 pm PST

Notes: The foretold rewrite is finally here, I hope you all enjoy it! I fixed a lot of things since its original run and perhaps you’ll enjoy this one a little more compared to the original! You all take care! Also for reference, the original version of this fic is still up on [Ao3] due to some unauthorized copies of it that have floated around before, so it's a just in case!

Disclaimer: Please remember that this is an AU and a work of fiction, obviously the idols mentioned/written about in this story would never partake in these actions. The idols mentioned in this work are meant to be seen more as face claims rather than the actual idols themselves.

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