#Also I have a skyrim song on here. Just to point out how easily I cry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

acousticcheeze · 3 years

Text

Here's my 100 questions for my OC thing!

My OC is Laureli, a 6'2 Altmer trying to make his way in Skyrim

1. What do they smell like?

Whatever alchemy ingredient he’s been working with, really. Lavender is what he smells like most often, though.

2. What is their voice like?

A smooth-ish medium pitch Altmer voice that has elements of calm and irritation.

3. What is their biggest motivator?

Helping others through his alchemy. He wants to improve medicine for Skyrim, as well as all of Tamriel.

4. What is their most embarrassing memory?

He had a whole scientific presentation one year that ended up being completely wrong. He got humiliated in front of everyone.

5. How do they deal with/react to pain?

Winces at it, curses, and then gets to treating the problem.

6. What do they like to wear?

Functional clothes that keep him warm and allow him to carry alchemy ingredients in his pockets.

7. Which of their relationships have impacted them most positively?

The relationships with some of the people he’s helped over the years. It gave him a sense of purpose and fulfillment knowing that he could help people, save people.

8. What’s the weirdest thing they’ve ever eaten?

He’s an alchemist...in Skyrim...I’m pretty sure there are a few contenders… (giants toe, large/small antlers, ectoplasm, the list goes on)

9. Describe the way that they sleep.

Normal side sleeper. Prefers to sleep on his left side.

10. What is their favorite food/kind of food?

Horker stew. It’s actually way better than he thought it would be.

11. What do they feel most insecure about?

If what he’s doing is good enough. He has big problems with perfectionism that still persist with him even after leaving Summerset.

12. How do they like to dress?

Robes with an alchemy enchantment and a hood.

13. How do they react to feelings of guilt?

He tries to shake them off, but has panic attacks and whatnot sometimes as a result of them.

14. How do they react to/deal with betrayal?

Is completely shattered by it. He’s dealt with this so many times before, though, so he keeps his cards close to his chest.

15. What is their greatest achievement?

Creating potions that help much more than the average cure disease potion would, as well as all sorts of other concoctions. Also, he’s created a sort of disinfectant and is working on a hand sanitizer.

16. What are they like when they’ve gotten too little sleep?

Cranky, cranky, cranky.

17. What are they like when they’re drunk?

Drunk? Oh no no no no Laureli does not drink (and even if he did he’d be out real quick)

18. What kind of music do they enjoy?

He isn’t really into music, but he enjoys the songs the bard plays at the Bannered Mare.

19. Are they right or left handed?

Right, but is practicing with his left hand too in case something happens to his right.

20. Fears?

Death and failure, mostly.

21. Favorite kind of weather?

As the sun rises and there’s dew all over the grass, the light reflecting through each drop.

22. Favorite color?

The color of eyes. Or, more specifically, the hundreds of little pinpricks of different colors inside of eyes, It’s really quite fascinating.

23. Do they collect anything?

OH YEAH. So many different alchemy ingredients and random stuff to be used in his next works-

24. Do they prefer either hot or cold weather more?

Cold, which is good since he lives in Skyrim.

25. What is their eye color?

Chartreuse (like most Altmer)

26. What is their race/ethnicity?

Altmer

27. Hair color?

White

28. Are they happy where they are currently?

Yup. Breezehome is small, but manageable, and Whiterun is a decent hold to live in.

29. Are they a morning person?

Yes. He gets tired around 9 and can’t stay up past 12.

30. Sunrise or sunset?

Sunrise.

31. Are they more messy or more organized?

Very organized. Again, he’s a perfectionist.

32. Pet peeves?

People touching his things as well as people inserting themselves into his business.

33. Do they own any objects of significant personal importance?

An amulet of Talos a Nord gave him. He hadn’t gotten the chance to learn much about Talos at home, and he found it very interesting talking to the local Nords about their beliefs. That amulet reminds him of his first day in Skyrim, the first day of his new life.

34. Least favorite food?

Taffy treats, or anything with that sort of texture and stickiness that can get stuck to his teeth very easily.

35. Least favorite color?

Very pale green. It looks gross.

36. Least favorite smell?

Death. (Yes, death has a smell)

37. When was the last time they cried?

Recently.

38. Were they with anybody the last time they cried?

No. Oh Auri-el, no no no no. He cries alone and he makes sure of it.

39. Tell us about one of the times they got injured?

Was in a fire when he was younger, he has a burn going up the inner leg on his right leg.

40. Do they have any scars?

Only mental ones. (and the burn scar on his leg)

41. Do they struggle with any mental health issues?

Perfectionism, past abuse, self hate, among others.

42. Do they have any bad habits?

Picking at his nails. He knows it makes them hurt and get bloody, but sometimes he just can’t help it.

43. Why might someone dislike them?

He can be very rude if he’s working, but to be fair, it is really annoying to be bothered in the middle of your work.

44. Why might someone love them?

Who wouldn’t love an overworked science boye? But in all seriousness, if he loves someone, he will be very caring towards them and is also just great listener. Tries not to care any more though because of personal trauma.

45. Do they believe in ghosts?

Yup. He’s heard of people’s encounters with them. Honestly, you’d be stupid to not believe in them.

46. Is there anyone they would trust with their lives?

At this point? No. Farkas later down the line? Yes.

47. Are they romantically interested in anyone?

Farkas, but we ain’t talking about that yet~

48. Are they dating/married to anyone?

49. Do they like surprises?

No. Please do not surprise this poor man he will stagger back and crash into everything.

50. When is their birthday?

9th of Hearthfire (September 9th)

51. How do they usually celebrate their birthday?

He takes a few seconds to acknowledge it and then gets on with his work.

52. Do they have any family?

Yup! A Mom, a Dad, a younger sister, and a male cousin that lives nearby (he’s in the Thalmor and the whole family has very Pro-Thalmor views)

53. Are they close to their family?

HAH- no~

54. What is their MBTI type?

INTJ (Damn this list for making me look up stereotypes for this. Honestly I hate the MBTI system so much-)

55. What is their zodiac sign?

Virgo

56. What Hogwarts House would they be in?

Ravenclaw

57. What D&D alignment are they?

If lawful chaotic good was a thing then yes

58. Do they ever have nightmares? If so, what about?

Yes, but they are often so tangled up that it’s hard to get any real meaning from them.

59. What are their views on death?

“It’s fine, it’s fine, I’ll be fine-” Hopes that he’ll be fine but is really scared about it.

60. What is something that they’re sure to laugh at?

Bad science puns. He will stifle a chuckle before telling you how bad your joke was.

61. When bored, how do they pass time?

This man does not get bored. He will always find something alchemy related to study or look into.

62. Do they enjoy being outside?

Yes. Laureli loves the Skyrim weather (for the most part. Places like Dawnstar and Winterhold suck)

63. Do they have an accent?

Yes. He has the typical Altmer accent.

64. Upon seeing a slice of chocolate cake, what is their first reaction?

“Why is this here? This isn’t mine.”

65. If they knew they were going to die, what would they do/say

He would probably take too long deciding and die before he could do/say anything.

66. How do they feel about sex?

Sex repulsed asexual.

67. What is their sexuality?

GAY

68. Do they become squeamish at the sight of blood?

Nope.

69. Is there anything that they find really gross?

He’s seen so much it would take a lot to surprise him here.

70. Which TV Trope(s) best describes them?

Grumpy scientist with no people skills.

71. Do they enjoy helping people?

Yes, definitely

72. Are they allergic to anything?

Not really. (Lucky)

73. Do they have a pet?

74. Are they quick to anger? What are they like when they loose their temper?

Nope, unless you press his buttons. His anger is pretty much “What in the name of Auri-el is wrong with you?! Don’t touch my equipment!!”

75. How patient are they?

Very...until you hit his limit. Then he gets passive aggressive.

76. Are they good at cooking?

Not really. He can be good at it, he just chose not to learn in favor of working on his projects. Can make enough to live on, though.

77. Favorite insult? Do they insult people often?

He doesn't have a favorite insult (he rarely insults people).

78. How do they act when they’re particularly happy?

Talking fast, pacing, flappy hands.

79. What do they do when they learn about other people’s fears?

Try to avoid bringing those fears up around them and avoiding making fun of them. If their fear is nearby, he will either tell them or take care of it. (which is good because Farkas is scared of spiders)

80. Are they trustworthy?

Yes, but you have to be a very certain kind of person to work with him.

81. Do they try to hide their emotions? Are they good at it?

Sometimes, especially romantic feelings. Romantic attraction? Nope, not possible- (It totally is; he’s in denial)

82. Do they exercise regularly?

With all of the walking he does around various holds, yes.

83. Are they comfortable with the way they look?

Yes. He’s a perfectionist with many things, but has learned to let go a bit more when it comes to his appearance. He still will take ages to get ready, though.

84. What are some physical features that they find attractive on people?

Tattoos, braids, basically everything you’d see on a typical Nord. It’s so different from his home and he’s completely enamored.

85. What kind of personalities do they find attractive?

Himbo nord men. Sweet morons basically.

86. Do they like sweet foods?

Not really. Sweet foods do have their place, but he isn’t wanting to get any cavities, so he tries to limit his sugar. (Especially since Altmer live 200-300 years aprox)

87. What is their age?

52 (~20s for an Altmer)

88. Are they tall or short or somewhere in between?

Tall, but about average for an Altmer

89. Do they wear glasses or contacts?

No, but if he did he would have half-moon spectacles.

90. Do they consider themselves attractive?

Not really. He doesn’t really think anyone is attractive. (Well, except for Nord himbos, but he doesn’t know that until he meets Farkas)

91. What is their sense of humor like?

Practically nonexistent, but when there is humor it’s mostly dry and sardonic.

92. What mood are they most often in?

That sort of focused work mode you get in when you’re really concentrating, as well as somewhat-sociable-but-still-kind-of-tired-and-grumpy

93. What kinds of things anger them?

People messing up his equipment. Oh sweet Auri-el, if you touch his things he will explode. Also, he hates the racism that the Thalmor promote. (He hates racism in general, but he hates the Thalmor’s views the most).

94. Outlook on life?

“It sucks, but I do find quite a bit fascinating and I’ll help where I can.”

95. What kind of things make them sad/depressed?

His perfectionism, how lonely he knows he is, and more.

96. What is their greatest weakness?

Again, his perfectionism, as well as having his work dictate more in his life than he should.

97. What is the greatest strength?

His brain. He remembers small details extremely well, and is practically an encyclopedia when it comes to alchemy.

98. Something that they regret?

How awful he used to be to everyone back home. He got a lot of pushback on his dreams and who he was, so he lashed out. Even though there wasn’t much he could do there, he still regrets hiring his family and wants to try at a relationship again with them (lol good luck).

99. Biggest accomplishment?

How is this different from “Greatest Achievement”?

100. Create your own! (Why is his alchemy so different from the norm?)

Because he’s trying to do something much more along the lines of modern medicine as opposed to just potions.

101. (Bonus!) Why is he in Skyrim?

Because it’s rather lacking in the medicine department compared to the other provinces, so he decided his talents would be best used there. Obviously, his family protested, but he went anyways.

#oc #laureli #skyrim

8 notes · View notes

madam-whim · 4 years

Text

So I decided to try my hand at actually writing something that is not just a headcanon list and here it is! It’s based on @sweetrolls-and-draugr’s post about bards playing a tamrielic version of Jenny of Oldstones while Sheogorath dances through Cloud Ruler Temple. This is my first attempt at writing fanfic in English, which is not my first language, so there will probably be mistakes. Feel free to point them out so I can fix them! The Dragonborn in this one can be whoever you want them to be, but Sheogorath is based on my own HoK, Arri. Oh, and it also turns out I am utterly hopeless as a bard. You have been warned!

____________________________________________________

Dances Among The Clouds

Winter in Bruma is always an uncomfortable affair. It’s too close to the Jeralls, too close to the bitter cold of Skyrim. The Nords don’t mind all that much – they are used to the harsh climate, but no one else ventures outside unless they have no other choice. This goes for Jovian as well, especially with the blizzard outside not showing any signs of letting up. There are worse fates than being trapped inside a tavern, though. He is a bard after all, even if he’s just playing for the owner’s child at the moment, keeping them distracted from the howling of the wind. Children are so easily scared, he knows, but this one, at least, seems to enjoy his songs.

“What’s this one about?”, they ask from their spot on one of the tables as soon as he starts playing again, brown eyes fixed on his hands. Jovian smiles. They’re good with melodies, and they ask about the song whenever it’s one they don’t recognize. “Well, it’s a sad one”, he replies. “I’m not sure you’ll even like it.” “But you’re going to sing it to me anyway! So tell me!”, they pout. He sighs fondly. “If you insist... I don’t know the whole story myself, you see, because this song is hundreds of years old.” The bard watches their eyes light up with interest. “Really?”, they ask. Jovian nods. “It’s sung in Bruma every year, near the end of Evening Star, because that’s when the lady who inspired it appears. She’s a ghost, I think, of a woman who lost her love. Do you know the ruined temple in the mountains above the city? You can see it on a clear day.” The child nods. “The one where the Blades used to live, right?” “Right”, Jovian says. “That’s where she’s appeared every year ever since the Oblivion Crisis ended.” “What’s an oblivion crisis?”, the child asks. They still seem interested, Jovian notes. That one’s definitely not a future innkeeper. “That’s a very long story, little one. It was a war between us mortals and a Daedric prince, and we won. Maybe I’ll tell you more when you’re a bit older. Anyway, my guess would be that this lady lost someone, and when she died as well, she became a ghost and began haunting the temple. There are several songs like that all over Cyrodiil, you know. The Imperial City has one too, and so does Kvatch.” “That’s a lot of ghosts”, the child says, frowning. “Will you sing that song to me now? Even if it’s sad. I want to hear about the lady.” Jovian smiles. “As you wish, little one.” He picks up his lute and starts playing again.

She dances among the clouds each year Her eyes the color of amber To a song that only she can hear When the closing of gates we remember

In robes of purple and gold she’s dressed Her pain they could not be masking Through day and night she’ll never rest As she pays no mind to time’s passing

And when you ask why she is dancing She’ll say she forgot how to weep And when you ask why she is mourning She’ll say her dearest was not hers to keep

The one that she loved, he haunts her still For every room holds a memory She cannot forget and never will Forevermore she remains lonely

And when you ask why she is dancing She’ll say she forgot how to weep And when you ask why she is mourning She’ll say her dearest was not hers to keep

Oh, if you ask why she is mourning She’ll say the dragon was not hers to keep

Many years later, trying to escape from the mind of a mad emperor, the Dragonborn remembers the song.

Sheogorath started rambling almost as soon as they got here, and then they made the mistake of interrupting him. But they can’t help it, when Sheogorath describes Martin Septim’s sacrifice, him turning into the avatar of Akatosh, as ‘hardly sporting’, so they blurt out “Hardly sporting? He saved Tamriel!” They know they’ve made a mistake right away, and they instantly back away, because Sheogorath is... angry, and changing, and something he wasn’t a moment ago. “Hardly sporting indeed”, he hisses, “Because he didn’t even give me a chance to stop him, and then he was gone and dead and he left me and I died too, but then again, I can’t really die and I wanted to -”

And as Sheogorath’s voice rises, the man fades away, and in his place is a woman in a dress of purple and gold, with red hair and eyes like amber, and she’s staring at the Dragonborn, looking like she wants to cry. But the Dragonborn knows with absolute certainty that she can’t, because she forgot how to cry, is no longer human enough to know how to do it, and they wonder if old Jovian is still alive, and if they’ll ever get to tell him that the ghost wasn’t a ghost at all.

Carefully, they take a step closer to the... Madgod? They’re no longer sure who Sheogorath really is. “I’m sorry”, they whisper, because they’re not sure what else to say. “Truly.” “I can’t even dance anymore”, Sheogorath mutters. “They ruined it. They took Cloud Ruler from me, and now the good memories are fading and I...” She trails off, the anger slowly draining from her, and as the anger fades, so does the woman, and within a few moments, the other Sheogorath returns. “Sorry about that one”, he says, as if nothing had happened. As if the Dragonborn hadn’t just found out what became of the Hero of Kvatch, who was presumed dead after vanishing from the Imperial City, and who is dying, yet cannot die. “She still gets out sometimes”, the Madgod continues. “One of the nastier side effects of someone else being you, I suppose. I wouldn’t speak to poor Sanguine for years because of her, too, can you believe it? Years! Now, where were we?”

The Dragonborn leaves the mind of Pelagius Septim III. with the Wabbajack in hand. They are certain they will never have reason to use it, but if they keep it next to the small shrine to Akatosh they have built in their home, well... nobody needs to know.

#oblivion #my writing #sheogorath #hok arri #martin septim #ldb #and a random bard i just made up because i felt like it #long post

49 notes · View notes

boethiahsboytoy · 4 years

Note

The OC ask meme, all of them for Sena?

I’m sorry for replying so late! These questions are here for anyone interested, and my answers will be under the cut!

👹 How does you OC act around different people and how does their personality change to match the environment they’re in? How do they act with: friends, family, strangers, children or their lover(s)?

Her personality really changes around everyone she’s with and where she’s at. With friends she’s loud, boisterous, and fun. With family she’s much the same, with the addition of being protective and careful around them. Around strangers she’s rather cold and aloof for the most part, to the point where most people think she’s just. Fucking Mean.With children she’s much softer, even playful, and is the sort to happily show off Cool Things like magic and stuff to entertain them. With Vyrthaal she was instantly Insanely Fucking Protective; not only was he a 13 year old Dragonborn, but he was also what she believed to be the last Snow Elf alive and uncorrupted by the Dwemer. It wasn’t until Marzog stopped her from going completely nuts protecting him and watched him actually fight and successfully take out a group of bandits all on his own that she understood Marzog had taught him how to take care of himself and didn’t need a Bodyguard.

🥊 Does your OC prefer to take the lead or follow orders? With everyone or just with certain people? Is there a reason for this?

She’s most definitely a leader, but she’s not the shitty sort of person who refuses to follow orders because of that. The only exception being if an order she’s given goes against her moral code or something similar.

🍅 How easily is your OC embarassed? What subjects make them flush and why? What event has made your OC the most embarrassed they’ve ever been?

She doesn’t get embarrassed easily, but when she does get embarrassed she blushes so much and it’s impossible to hide. She manages to keep her composure fairly well, but it’s still super obvious. I don’t know what her most embarrassing moment would be though, but it probably involves her being unexpectedly clumsy or snorting with laughter/spraying a drink out of her nose or smthn similar lmao.

🍊 Does your OC have any triggers? Why do these things trigger them? What are they like when triggered and how do they calm down after?

She does have a few. Being attacked with magic for one, as it reminds her of the Falmer attack on the Chantry. Loud noises like rock slides for the same reasons. When she is triggered she goes into a state of shock, falling silent and going still, often unable to react out of terror. To calm down she needs to get to a quiet, secluded place and simply take her mind off things. Doing anything repetitive that requires all her focus tends to work, like chopping wood, but if something happens during, say, a fight, she can sometimes pull herself back enough to at least get out of immediate danger.

💥 Are there any emotions your OC doesn’t know how to deal with, doesn’t understand or hates having to feel? Any reason behind this?

She’s not great at romantic feelings. Most of the people she’s had romantic feelings for she knew she’d outlive, and so she tends to ignore crushes and attraction and the like. Otherwise, she’s good at remaining composed even under times of great stress, with exceptions to the things mentioned above.

🏀 Does your OC have any skills that people wouldn’t expect them to have? Do they have a hobby or pass time that others would consider strange or weird? How did they learn this particular skill or pick up this hobby?

She loves gardening!! Taking care of plants and crops, watching them grow and making sure they’re healthy. She also enjoys hunting as well (though only for food and resources, not for sport). In her spare time, she also knits, and she’s really good at making and mending clothes of all kinds of material.

☀️ How well does your OC take care of themself? Do they tend to put others before their own wellbeing and if so how often? What is their favourite way to pamper themself?

She’s pretty good at taking care of herself, but she doesn’t pamper herself often. When she does pamper herself, for her that’s just Not Doing Anything n sleeping in all day, maybe having more sweetrolls than she normally would lmao. For the most part she will put others before herself, but not to an unhealthy degree where she’s actively damaging her health because of it.

🌙 What are some of your OC’s favourites? Favourite food, colour, season, stuff like that! Give some general simple facts that tend to get overlooked!

Food: Simple, home cooked meals made with lots of love, and from things she and her family has grown and/or caught.Color: Various shades of grey and blue.Season: She finds things to enjoy for every season, but she really thrives in the cold of winter.Misc: Hobbies: Knitting and sewingAnimal: RabbitsStyle of music (in a modern AU): Classic rock and ska punk, some pop songsType of nail polish (also in a modern AU): Glittery!

⭐ Does your OC like to sleep alone or do they enjoy sharing their bed? Have they been to any sleepovers? Have they ever been camping? What did they think of the experiences if so?

She doesn’t necessarily like sharing beds, but she likes having other people in the room with her as she sleeps. I doubt sleepovers were really a Thing(tm) for Snow Elves but even if they were she likely wouldn’t enjoy them. And she loves camping!!

🍏 When your OC says “I had a bad day” what does that tend to mean? Is it really as bad as they’re saying or are they being a bit dramatic?

Sina’s never dramatic: If she says she’s had a shit day she’s had a shit fucking day, Please get her the strongest mead you can find. A bad day for her generally means she had a specific goal in mind and she failed to reach it after multiple attempts, and it’s something she believes should have been easy for her (even if logically it wouldn’t be).

🐍 Is your OC a good liar? How easy is it for them to tell lies? What is the biggest lie they’ve ever told and did they ever get found out? On the other hand, what is the biggest lie someone has told your OC and did they believe them?

She is; not because she lies a lot or enjoys being dishonest, but because she always speaks in a cool, monotone voice and doesn’t ever give away her feelings or thoughts unless in private with friends or family. And because she has such a powerful, authoritative, and intimidating aura I doubt many people would lie to her, or if they attempted to they’d be so shaken by her that it would be difficult. She also just...doesn’t trust people until they’ve proven themselves to be trustworthy, so there’s that.

🐉 How religious is your OC? Do they pray to any god(s) or do they not believe in that kind of stuff? What is their view of religion in general? Where do they believe people go when they die? If your OC is not religious why not and what do they believe in otherwise?

She’s very religious! She was raised to be a Knight-Paladin of Auri-El and even after fleeing from the Chantry, still worshipped him (as well as Others Snow Elves traditionally worship). When she became close with the Nord family that took her in they began teaching her about their own religious beliefs and ways of worshipping their gods. She believes people go where their religions Say they go, which is....pretty canon lmao,

💧 What is something from your OC’s past they’re the most ashamed of and why? What is something they’re really proud of? And lastly what is something in their past that could make them shake with dread?

I think I’ve touched on this before but she’s most ashamed of fleeing the Falmer attack. She abandoned one of the last surviving Snow Elven things, period, as well as her friends and comrades, while turning her back on her primary God. The knowledge she did that will haunt her until she reunites with Gelebor.I don’t know what she’d be most proud of though. TBH, she’d be filled with so much self hate and regret over her past actions that she’d rarely Ever be proud of herself, feeling like her mistakes and cowardice will always outweigh any good she does.

🌊 What does your OC do on their days off from working, school or whatever else it is they may do? Do they enjoy relaxing, shopping, hanging out with friends? What is a normal day like for them?

She doesn’t really have days off, but when she’s able to rest she likes spending time with her loved ones, mostly. Doesn’t matter what they’re doing, being in their presence is enough.

🐟 What was your OC like as a baby? What were they like as a child? A teenager? An adult? How do you think they’ll develop ten years into their future? Twenty years? Will they live to old age?

Baby: Talkative! Noisy! Messy! Also very, very affectionate.Child: Rambunctious and wild whenever she could be, but beginning to mellow out.Teenager: Pretty much the same as an adult: stoic, cold, aloof, etc.Adult Knight-Paladin: Quiet, reserved, etc. etc.Later on: Same but with the feeling of someone who’s seen and done so much that they’re permanently some degree of tired.

She’s already pretty old, as a human she’d be in her mid forties to fifties (and I don’t think Skyrim is a place where people get much older very often, probably). But she does grow Old, even for a snow elf! And as she gets older she becomes less...Like That and gets a lot more soft and sweet on the outside.

🍇 Does your OC have any bad habits? Does your OC have any addictions like smoking or drinking? How did they fall into these habits and why?

I haven’t thought much about that tbh, I don’t really know! :’) I don’t think she’d be addicted to anything though? She wouldn’t be the sort to self medicate (probably. she’s still technically in early stages of development)

🔮What does your OC think is their best trait. What is actually their best trait? What about their flaws? Are they one to admit these flaws or do they like to pretend they’re perfect?

She has fairly low self esteem and doesn’t really think she has any good traits. She knows she’s smart and skilled etc., but that’s. About it. I’d say her best trait is that she cares for people a lot once she’s gotten close to them. She’s got powerful mom energy on the inside.Her biggest flaw is that shes sort of close minded sometimes, even now. She wouldn’t admit to it at first because she doesn’t see how its a bad thing, but when she eventually does realize it she owns up to it and does her best to change.

🍆 (feel free to skip this one if you don’t feel comfortable answering it for a particular OC!) What is your OC like in bed? Are they particularly sensitive or have anywhere they really like being touched? Are they loud, quiet, intense? What are their turn ons and turn offs?

Skipping this one just because I haven’t really thought of it that much?? I don’t really develop my OCs sex lives that much tho lmao. She’s a switch tho, but wouldn’t really be super into anything Not vanilla so she’s neither domme/sub.

🌸 What’s a sentence that would make your OC’s day better? One that would make them laugh? One that would make their day worse? Why? What words would you have to say to them to completely ruin their day?

Make her day better: I appreciate what you’ve done (or anything that lets her know her actions are valued).Make her laugh: She doesn’t laugh much (though she does love jokes!), but she’d probably laugh at herself if she does an unexpectedly funny thing or smthn?? Also like. Any time Marzog tries to make her laugh there’s a 99% chance she’ll laugh her fuckin ass off, she’s so in love,Make her day worse: Anything she perceives as her failing, because it “proves” the incorrect belief she has that she’s useless.Words: Anything related to That??

🌷 How much effort does your OC put into their looks? Do they care much about how they’re dressed or what their hair looks like or are they not bothered? Could they be considered a snob or a slob?

She doesn’t anymore, really. I feel like in ancient Snow Elven culture they’d take a lot of pride in their looks and frown upon people dressing shabby or being sloppy no matter who they are or what their status is, but now that simply isn’t practical. Before the Thalmor destroyed her village she worked as a farmer or else went out to hunt, and there’s not really any reason she’d need to Look Super Gorgeous for that. Afterwards she travels to join up with the Stormcloaks (who she views as a lesser of two evils, and if Ulfric is sooooo dedicated to Ancient Nord Ways(tm) he’d let her fight him for the right to lead the Stormcloaks as a whole) so on the way she...tries to look less like a farmer and more like someone who can fight. But then she joins up w/Marzog and Vyrthaal after a while and decides to go back to the remains of her village, where her former set of armor has been hidden away in a cellar beneath her farm. So she no longer cares as long as her clothes, hair, accessories, etc. get in the way of what she needs to do, But she does take good care of her armor ofc.

🌺 What additions would your OC make to their body if they could? Lets say, if they don’t have a tail would they want one? Wings? Horns? Do they wish they could shapeshift?

Sometimes she’d wish she were shorter, but she wouldn’t want to permanently be shorter. But secretly she’d think it would be fuckin’ sick if her eyes glowed, and if she ever meets Jo’safiir she’d be insANELY fucking jealous that his do (until she learns it’s because Meridia is trying to fully claim his soul as hers but that’s a whole thing abt Jo’safiir that she’s not actually at all involved with).

BONUS QUESTIONS:

❤️ What inspired you to make this OC? How long have you had them? How have they changed in the time you’ve been developing them?

My inspiration is I Love Snow Elves!!!! They’re fuckin’ rad! I haven’t had her very long, and because of that she hasn’t changed that much! I’m sort of still fleshing her out, tbh :’3

🧡 What traits of your own do you see in this OC? Are they a little bit self-inserty? Don’t be shy, we all put parts of ourselves into the creations we love!

She doubts herself a lot and constantly puts herself down internally. She’s afraid of failure and struggles with self hate. Other than that, damn we’re really not that similar (though I’ve been told I have dad energy?? So. We got that parent energy, I guess????)

💛 What is your personal opinion of this OC? Do you love them or are they your trash child? Are they your baby?

I’m Love She,,,,,Sina adopt me plz,

💚 Are you writing anything with this OC or planning on writing anything for them? Do you rp with them or are they just for fun to mess around with?

I’m not writing writing her story, but I’m like.....working on it internally, y’know? I Might end up doing a bunch of comics abt my Skywim OCs, her included!

💙 How important is this OC to you? Are they a character that’s helped you through some pretty tough times or could you scrap them without feeling a thing?

I mean...I love her so much, but like I said she’s pretty new; I think I’ve had her for maybe two months at least? But like. I’d never scrap her, I love her so much and I want to develop her and her backstory a LOT more, she’s just not like a....Deep, Important, I Project On Her kind of an OC.

💜 Do you enjoy working on your OC or are they a bit of a chore? We all have that one character who is hard to develop!

I love working on her!! She’s hard to develop bc there’s really not a lot of info I can find on Snow Elf culture so a lot of her Back-backstory is gonna be my own headcanons, that I really don’t Have yet lmao. Which isn’t a chore to do, I LOVE things like this, I’m just. Lazy lmao,

💗 Ramble a bit about this character!

The family that found her after she fled the Chantry consisted of a mother and father, the mother’s mother, and three children. When the grandmother was dying it was about a decade after she arrived and had grown to be part of the family, so she decided to give her a name that represented that. So she was given the name Snow-Blade. She carries it proudly, and over time as her village grows, many given names are given by her, and as such have lots of focus on snows, the sun, even magic.

#oc ask meme #oc sinarwyn #again i'm s fuCKIng sorry this took 80 million years :')#but i dID IT....#anon #ask

3 notes · View notes

planetoban · 5 years

Text

Savin’s Answers from Twitter, Part 5!

Pretty much done with the backlog; this post covers tweets from November 2018 through May 2019

As always, tweets are in order from most to least recent, and answers may not 100% true/canon since things are bound to change during production of the sequel. Text is unedited save for formatting; in a few places I added [comments] for context.

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Also: If you’re going to ask Savin something, please be respectful and appropriate. He’s a person just like you and me.

@NekoItoi: Will the bluray be released for Region A or solely region B? As I really want to finally own Oban in hd

@EiffelSavin: The bluray will be crowdfunded and region free

(x)

@Helloworld1012: Maybe U could get a adventures of young Aikka series funded

@EiffelSavin: Actually we're developping both a sequel and a spinof, which would reveal a lot about Aikka's past...

(x)

[talking about rick]

@Antarasis: Pretty metalhead. 👍 And losing your ability to pursue your #1 passion is such a heavy hitting topic. Was interesting to see a character confronted with it. Especially to see an admirable character give in to anger because of helplessness and make him act unpleasant/unlikable.

@EiffelSavin: I agree. Characters that are not just plain black and white are very interresting to follow.

(x)

@Helloworld1012: out of curiosity, Do U [Savin and Thomas] prefer the Eva & Jordan romantic pairing and prefer that Eva & Jordan be a couple or the Eva & Aikka romantic pairing & prefer that Eva & Aikka become a couple? I heard from a discord chat that U both have different views in

‏@Helloworld1012: who Eva should end up with. And do Romantically pair Eva with one of them.

@EiffelSavin: I don't remember disagreeing with Thomas over this and would rather leave the choice to the audience - both relationships are important ! This being said, the question of who Eva likes most may resurface in the sequel, if we get to make it...

(x)

@Xanidos43: is it still possible to get the newsletter? i would love to support and buy the blu ray upon release.

@EiffelSavin: There will be more newsletters to come. For now just register on the bluray page of the http://obanstarracers.com website

(x)

@Helloworld1012: Hey I’ve noticed for quite a while, that Aikka and Eva in the concept art physically look to be about the same age, please give us this one hint. Is the fact that Eva and Aikka look physically the same age in the concept art have something to do with the plot or OSR

@Helloworld1012: 2? Or is it just because you and @Thomasintokyo just wanted to show what Eva and Aikka could possible look like when their older?

@EiffelSavin: One possible direction for the sequel is for it to take place a few years after the original show. Hence the concept art. But this is still under discussion and would also depend on who finances the series

(x)

@Antarasis: Can we have a show about poor Muir, haha? Oh god, if I'd have the time I'd so make a parody show about Muir. There should be Muirs in Skyrim instead of mudcrabs. And Muir should get a skin in FightCrab. x'D Aaah, the potential of Muir. Please don't commit suizide, little crab.

@EiffelSavin: I could easily imagine a series about the adventures of "young muir"(!) Not sure we could get it funded though ☺️

(x)

@AldrenMcneal: Hi there! i recently watched an Oban Star Racers video and found out a potential sequel was in the works. i found your twitter and realized it was announced back in 2017. How much progress have you made since then? Do you have the story planned out? Thanks!‏

@EiffelSavin: The story is planned out but we need investors - and time as well, since we're all involved in other projects too. Hopefully a successful bluray release we'll help refocuss everyone's energy

(x)

@Bfahome: I heard rumors in the past that there's a "full" version of Oban's English opening, "Never Say Never". Are those rumors true and, if so, who would be the ones to have it? Would it even exist still?

@EiffelSavin: I'm not sure about this. I think the only version I ever heard was the opening version. For your info our US partners felt very strongly about using that song. I gave my OK because it was pretty catchy, even though the op credits were created to match Yoko Kanno's title song.

(x)

@EiffelSavin: Thanks a lot to the 1000+ #obanstarracers fans who took the time to answer our little survey. Here's what you answered to one of the first question asked. Among the alien racers, it seems Spirit made quite an impression #animation #anime #surveys #jetix #nhkbs #toowam

@MattGiusti: The lack of Sul on this list is very sad.

@EiffelSavin;: Sul came right after and would certainly have fared better if the question was who's your favorite alien character. Bear in mind that the list of choices here included some of the main characters of the show, like Jordan and Aikka and that one could only give a single answer.

@rhodanum: I'm quite surprised at how high Spirit ranked (higher than Stan, Don and Maya!) and that Jordan ranked higher than Aikka. The latter is especially surprising, given the gigantic number of fanworks (fanart, fanfic) featuring Aikka or Aikka x Eva, compared to Jordan or Jordan x Eva

@EiffelSavin: Aikka ranked first in some territories but overall Jordan came first - among the voters at least. I would be interesting to see if female and male voters voted equally - or predominantly - for one or the other...

(x) (x)

@GabrielAubry2: What happened to Prince Aikka after he returns to Nourasia? Won’t the Crogs on the planet be angry at what he did on Oban?

@EiffelSavin: Good question indeed but bear in mind their leader crashed on Oban and that there were fierce rivalries between the rest of chiefs. This must have slowed them somehow. Plus there's a new Avatar! 🙂

(x)

@RakkuBoi: ust took the survey. It's probably asking for too much but one idea I expressed was the possibility of including autographes. Maybe on the art cards that might be included? Your's or @Thomasintokyo would be AMAZING.

@EiffelSavin: Point noted 😉

(x)

@kueekueeng: from a fan who's been waiting for years, is "The 2 Queens" movie ever going to be released?‏

@EiffelSavin: Finding funding on the French market as proven more difficult than anticipated but we haven't given up and have also started working on an animated series adaptation, possibly with a more "radical" artistic direction. More news hopefully soon...

(x)

@SonicMrgame2017: Which program you guys used for animation?

@EiffelSavin: Here are the programs the team used for the animation: Pencils (well sharpened), large and thin Erasers, and most important: thousands and thousands of sheets of Paper 😉

@SonicMrgame2017: Yeah, but, the animation was done in cels or you guys used some kind of digital ink? PD: Respects!!!! I love handrawn animation

@EiffelSavin: Oban used digital paint and compositing. When we produced the series it was the very last days of painted cells in Japan, where it lasted longer than in other countries. I think the last series that used painted cells was "Sazae-san". 🙂

(x)

@quantum_cuboid: QUESTION. Can you give us any insight as to which characters will make a return in the OSR sequel? There were many good characters, and a few that make me wonder whatever happened to them!

@EiffelSavin: I'll give you one: Eva (!) 😉 For the rest I prefer to keep quiet for now but feel free to make suggestions ☺️

(x)

[note: this thread is originally in French and I used Google Translate]

@supalinocelosu: So it was the authors directly who led the # ObanStarRacers

@ EiffelSavin: I think that should be the norm but apparently no ... I was also present during the English dubbing in Vancouver. But this time there was a director of English voices. I was commenting but not directly the direction of US actors

(x)

@theinmaskedboy: Could you clarify a doubt sir? 1) What happened with him when he arrived on the earth, because at the end of the galactic race he did not mention again .. 2) There are some loose ends in history, like the crow .. Was he eliminated from the race? or just leave?

@EiffelSavin: Spirit did not make it to the final 3 so he was eliminated & returned to his home planet. Regarding Rick, his job was done so he went back home too. We had crazy plans of making a sequel with him starring as a private PI (!) Who knows we may reuse that in 1 form or another

(x)

@Taibhse_Designs: Now this is a beauty to see, any concept art for the whizzing arrow or other paint job ideas other than the bunny exist that never made it to print?

@EiffelSavin: yes. We did more than 10 paint job tests before going for the actual ones :) That certainly could be something for the new art book.

(x)

@Taibhse_Designs: I have the original DVDs still in good condition with the cardboard sleeve, I atleast rewatch the entire series once a year and would love a Blu-ray version. Would love to see some stats on the ships like actual scale, measurements, or official heights of the characters.Taibhse Designs added,

@EiffelSavin: That could be a cool extra actually, or something to add to a new art book. If you join the Oban Bluray Project newsletter on http://obanstarracers.com we'll soon ask you about the type of features and goodies you'd like to have.

(x)

@TheRealZentron: The 1080p 4:3 version is the most crisp out of the three, but I like the cinematic scope of the 16:9, I just wish it was as crisp! Still, can't wait until the Blu-Ray comes out, hopefully it will be available to and playable in the UK!

@EiffelSavin: The bluray will be, for the first time, in the original rate of 24f/s and will be zone free‏

@TheRealZentron: That's great to hear Savin, thanks for the info! I'll sure to place my order once available, it'll sure be good watching OSR HD on my 70" 4K TV! Will the set also include the original Molly Star-Racer trailer in HD or the regular SD?

@EiffelSavin: I'm working on this. The pb is to get the rights to the music. In all cases it will be sd as it was produced that way but we'll try to upscale it in the best possible way from the best source available.

(x)

[Original question deleted]

@EiffelSavin: That was my notes, yes: Maya cut off from her family because of her choice to become a racer with Don, and Don having old parents that died early. Thus no grand parents for Eve to turn 2. But since we never go beyond that in the story, U can make up your own idea on backstory 🙂

(x)

@LovesOban: Please tell me because I’ve been obsessing over this, but even though he wouldn’t be as skilled as Aikka, Cannan or a Nourasian knight in martial arts, & Even though in 2082 DW isn’t the most athletic & even though DW is more brains than brawn & doesn’t have brute strength, in

@EiffelSavin: Don Wei is not a "big man" but he's determined and has grown quite tough, at least since Maya's death. Do you remember the first time he meets Rick and his biker buddies in the middle of the desert? He stands up to them pretty well, doesn't he?

(x)

@HG_Alsmyr: are you going to have Thomas Romain join you for the Ōban sequel by chance?

@EiffelSavin: Yes. We've already started to collaborate on the sequel and spinoff projects. Working together again was very touching actually 🙂

(x)

#oban star racers #sav! the world #sav the world #type:staff #type:text

10 notes · View notes

mazurah · 7 years

Text

Lost in Time Ch. 3: Disparity - An Elder Scrolls Fanfic

Chapter Summary: Ma’zurah and Fayrl escape the Dragon and figure out that they are from different eras.

Cross posted from Ao3. Chapter Rating: T for language.

First Chapter - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter

Lost in Time Chapter 3: Disparity

Fayrl continued his soothing song, feeling the cart steady as it came back to a more reasonable speed. He mentally thanked the Three that this was working.

Ma'zurah managed to seat herself in the driver's seat without falling. When she felt more stable, she burst out, "What in Molag's balls was that! Four fucking hells!"

Seeing that Ma'zurah had taken control of the reigns, Fayrl felt comfortable enough to speak again, though he was ready to sing another verse of the guar soothing song should the horse seem startled again.

"If I didn't know better, I would say it was a Dragon. But that has to be impossible, right?"

"You know what? After everything Ma'zurah has seen, she is willing to believe anything. If it looks like a Dragon, and breathes fire like a Dragon, and eats people like a Dragon, then it probably is a Dragon. What else would it be?" Ma'zurah started shaking from the adrenaline. "Gods dammit...."

"I don't know where that thing came from. I didn't think there were any Dragons still alive! Nor do I know what was going on in that town. Who were you talking about?" Fayrl wished desperately for a good bottle of brandy.

"Uh... at which point?" Ma'zurah hugged herself as best she could with one hand holding the reins, and hunched forward tiredly.

"Any of it!” Fayrl burst out. “How do you not know about the civil war? It's been going on for decades and finally it's pulled all but the Gold Coast and a few other areas into the fray. And I didn't recognize the names you were mentioning. I sure don't know how this Ulfric is Jarl! I mean, there's another Stormcloak who is a Thane, but that is hardly the same. Windhelm already has a Jarl. Something isn't right here. Something doesn't fit." A horrifying feeling gripped Fayrl. "I don't think I belong here."

"What does Fayrl mean? Ma'zurah was just in the Imperial City a little over a year ago. There was no civil war. Emperor Uriel Septim was fine."

"Who is Emperor Uriel Septim? I've never heard of such a person. Varen Aquilarios was the Emperor until recently. And Cyrodiil's Imperial City has been at war since... the fifth century? It's been mostly contained until just two years ago when all that business with the Planemeld or whatever it is called started happening. I heard some of the mages at the Windhelm Mages Guild discussing it when I was performing there. A dark anchor had dropped just south-west of Fort Amol."

Fayrl was rarely this forthright with someone he knew so little about, but in light of all the craziness, he needed to establish some facts.

"Fayrl... Ma'zurah is pretty sure that the Planemeld was something like seven hundred years ago..." Ma'zurah's face had taken on a horrified expression. "Oh no... what if Ma'zurah is out of time too? Ma'zurah knew it smelled strange here..."

"Wait." Fayrl was silent a moment. "No. No, that can't be right. Tell me, what is the year, as far as you know?"

He hoped it would prove the point he wanted to make.

"The 429th year of the third era, what year is it as far as you know?"

Fayrl's breath caught in his throat. That couldn't be right. "Why, it is 580th year of the second era last I checked. And I know it to be true. There is no way that I am speaking to someone from the future. That is madness!"

"This is madness... Ma'zurah wonders if Sheggorath has done something to make this happen..." Ma'zurah looked at Fayrl with bright eyes. "We have to get back to Oblivion somehow... Ma'zurah's rings are not working. There has to be another way."

"Go back to Sheogorath's realm? How is that going to solve our problem? Do you not think he is going to try to get us further lost in time if we succeed?" Fayrl shook his head. "We don't even know where we are. Or possibly, when we are. How are we going to find our way back to Oblivion?"

"Ma'zurah does not know." She swallowed in apprehension. "We have to find out something about this place, or time..." She looked down the road. There were three standing stones with holes in them, and a sharp curve in the road ahead.

Fayrl decided to try and use a technique the spy masters would use to try and recall information. "Do you recognize anything here? Or back where we came from? A smell, a sound, a feeling?"

Ma'zurah shook her head. "Back there, the others said this place is Helgen, in Skyrim. Ma'zurah has never been to Skyrim before. Has Fayrl?"

He nodded. "I’ve passed through Helgen before, but never spent any real time there. It sure didn't look like it does now."

"How is it different?” Ma'zurah asked insistently. “That could be helpful."

“There were just a few small cottages then, now there are stoneworks. There was mostly just a farm with a few families and a wooden fence built into an earthen barricade then."

"It sounds like it has been built up since then,” Ma'zurah mused, “so we are probably in your future, but where we are in relation to this one is questionable..."

The cart turned the curve of the road, and a stone walled village came into view between the trees on the horizon.

"Can you guess what direction we are headed?” Fayrl asked, glancing at the sky. “I don't know exactly what time of day it is to try and figure it out based off the sun's position."

"Ma'zurah is a mystic. She can use every spell known to the Arcane University in the school of Mysticism. She also knows quite a few other spells besides, but none of them are location spells... we will have to ask at that place ahead, assuming they are not hostile to Dunmer and Khajiit. It's the best shot we have right now though. The road does not turn anywhere else, and Ma'zurah doubts the cart would not break should we take it off the road."

"Well, then let's hope they are friendly, or easily charmed. I have had enough of being chased by men with weapons for one day. How about you, my dear?"

Ma'zurah shot Fayrl a look, one eyebrow raised, and continued driving the cart. They drew close to the gate, and they saw that the wall was in serious disrepair. The gate had no doors, and the wall ended a hundred feet away on either side. There was a guard standing watch in the gateway, and people moving through the small town. The whole village was shaded by large trees.

Fayrl rested his hand on his hip as they drew closer. Having his sword closer at hand made him feel infinitely more secure. "By the Three, let them not immediately try to put a sword through my chest…." he muttered.

Ma'zurah called out to the guard as soon as they were in range. "There was an attack at Helgen! We came as quickly as we could! There are many wounded and dead!" If the guards were focused on the news they brought, they would not be attempting to kill the messengers.

Fayrl picked up on Ma'zurah's idea and began to wave his arms frantically, trying to give off as much of an air of panic as possible. He used a quick burst of flame to burn a small hole into the back of his tunic to give more credit to their claims.

"Halt!" cried the guard, raising an arm to motion them to stop before him. He had not made any motion toward his weapon yet, but he was firm in his command. "I need to hear your names and your business before you bring that cart in here. We don't like games here."

"There's no time for that!” cried Fayrl. “We need to make preparations for the wounded and send for reinforcements! Helgen's going to be a pile of ash if we don't hurry!"

"This one is Ma'zurah. It is really not important,” Ma'zurah explained in a rush, “There is a creature up there attacking Helgen! We do not know what it is, but it was huge and black and it spat fire. Surely you heard it! If you do not believe us, go see for yourself, but we must keep going to warn others. We should warn the Jarl, can you give us directions?"

The guard looked at her incredulously. "Now look here, miss, if you expect me to believe that a--"

Fayrl cut him off mid-sentence, hopping down from the cart, running up to the man, and grasping him by the arm. "My dear wife wouldn't believe me, and surely I could hardly believe it myself, but I know nothing else that looks and acts as that creature did. It was like a Dragon of legend, only larger than the stories ever painted them to be! Look!" Fayrl turned to show off his burnt tunic. "I ran to join my wife in this cart and was nearly roasted alive! If I hadn't thought quickly, I might be... well, there are enough like that there already. I can only pray that mother didn't suffer long in the beast's jaws. You must help the rest of the town! Everyone will be lost if something is not done!"

Tears brimmed at the edges of Fayrl's eyes as he shook the guard. "You must save them!" he cried.

The guard looked between them, the evidence before him persuading him at last. "Alright, I can't leave our town unprotected. If there really is a Dragon, we need all the men we can get here. But Bjorni at the other gate can direct you to Whiterun. I’ll take you to him."

"Thank you!" Ma'zurah helped Fayrl up onto the cart and muttered, "Wife huh? Did you want to stop for supplies? We do not know how far it is to Whiterun. Ma'zurah only has fruit from the Skooma Cat's realm."

Fayrl settled into the cart and then cast a glance in the guard’s direction. The man’s body language looked anxious as he led their horse to the opposite gate.

Fayrl leaned toward Ma'zurah, “I don't want to chance that we might blow our cover. I have some ash yam loaf, it should be enough. It's not a far ride to Whiterun, at least, it wasn't when I was last here.”

Ma'zurah looked at Fayrl. "You know the way then?"

The opposite gate guard saw them and gestured for them to halt at the gate.

Fayrl nodded quickly to Ma'zurah, then turned to speak to the guard. The first guard beat him to it and started to explain the situation to his companion.

The second guard seemed confused, but turned and gave the requested directions to the pair on the cart. It all still sounded the same as when Fayrl had last taken the road. He was relieved. If the road looked different in the same manner as Helgen and Riverwood looked different between his time and now, it would be hard to navigate by memory alone.

"Thank you," he told the guards.

Ma'zurah drove the cart forward and across the bridge out of town and over a hill, then turned to Fayrl. "You think we actually should tell the Jarl? They might not believe us, but then again they might give us a reward. We need resources as well as information."

"I don't know what to expect from Whiterun if we do reach there. Though I've no idea what we are going to do one way or the other. All of my connections will not be here. My husband will not be here. All of my accounts will be long since gone, I am sure, there goes my hidden cache."

"You seem to have a lot in this area. Would you tell Ma'zurah about your husband?"

"It would be my great pleasure to tell you of my handsome husband, though I must admit, words can hardly do justice to his intellect and beauty." Fayrl sighed dramatically and wished he had his lute with him.

His beautiful lute! Oh, he hoped it would not be pillaged by bandits and either smashed and burned for firewood or sold for far less than its value.

"Would you like to hear about his appearance? Or how we met? Or something else specifically?"

"Ma'zurah does not know.” Ma’zurah hunched in on herself. “She just wants to be distracted from the fact that she may never see her girlfriend or fiance again..."

"You cannot speak like that.” Fayrl chided, moving closer beside her. “Come, I will tell you about how we met. It is a humorous story.”

Ma’zurah nodded.

"I met him here in Skyrim, actually.” Fayrl began. “I can't recall the name of the town, it matters little. I was at the market, and was thinking of how I had not had a traveling companion for some time. I was, at that point, working as a traveling bard, and I was missing the companionship. So, it felt serendipitous when, strolling through the market, I found myself staring at a very out of place looking Khajiit, all on his own. Usually only caravans come to the towns, or the occasional merchant to set up their wares. I had not seen a Khajiit in a town who was not a merchant. So, seeing him struggling with a man over purchasing food, I strolled forward to intercede on his behalf."

Ma'zurah gave him an odd look. "You are Indoril right? From the mainland? Ma'zurah understands that House Indoril is very traditional, and generally not likely to teach tolerance of other races. Your husband is Khajiit?"

Fayrl laughed. “A source of much of a mark upon my mother and myself by my uncle Tanval. My mother had always detested slaves, a personal matter concerning the disownment of a former grandmaster. But she witnessed something that an Argonian slave did, where she selflessly saved the life of a stableboy. Afterwards, she asked the slave how she had learned medicine, for her job was to wash, not anything related to medicine. The slave explained she used to be the healer for her village when she had been captured by slavers. Well, mother began to question everything she had been told about slaves, and shortly after, about a lot of other things as well. The signing of the Pact, while not an instant cure, has certainly begun to rectify the situation. Though, if you are acquainted with slavery on the mainland, then it must mean that it has not dissolved for good, even so many centuries later."

"No... No it has not,” said Ma’zurah slowly. “Ma'zurah has seen many injustices, and though she has many responsibilities, she tries to right some of them herself."

"It saddens me deeply to hear. There is so much I wish I could change in my time." Fayrl tried to set aside that depressing thought.

Ma’zurah gave Fayrl a speculative stare. "Ma'zurah wonders... Fayrl has visited Ebonheart. Has Fayrl seen the Twin Lamps?"

"When I was last in Ebonheart, admittedly, not for a few years now, there were no lamps of note, I am sorry to say."

"Ah. Alright." Ma'zurah looked slightly disappointed. "But Fayrl was telling this one about how he met his husband. Please continue!"

"Oh, yes!" Fayrl perked back up instantly. "So I intervened to assist the Khajiit. I admit I was quite interested in learning the tale of how he came to be in that place and that situation, so I offered to buy him a hot meal and a drink, and if he liked, to join me in my tent for the evening." There was a wistful expression on Fayrl’s face. "To my great joy, Qau-dar readily agreed. He seemed most eager about sharing my tent, and I myself was very pleased at the prospect of taking my first Khajiit lover." Fayrl looked at Ma’zurah and his voice took on a richer, deeper note. "And do you know what happened that night?"

Ma'zurah raised an eyebrow at him. "No, not at all."

"He went to sleep! Can you believe that? All the lead up, and what appeared to be flirting, and the fetcher just laid down besides me in the bedroll and went right to sleep!"

Ma'zurah laughed. "You were not specific enough with your desires? He did not understand?"

Fayrl laughed. "Yes, I did gather that rather quickly as the days grew into weeks and the weeks into months. Still, I have never seen someone so eager to jump into my bedroll before and then for nothing to happen." The edges of Fayrl’s eyes creased with laughter. "In a way it only made him more desirable."

"But you eventually got him to understand? You did marry him." Ma'zurah grinned at him.

Fayrl laughed a little nervously. "Well, no, not exactly. I mean, Qau-dar seems to understand what I meant then now, but when I try to bring it up he always seems to have a convenient lack of understanding. You would think he found me wholly unattractive. Yet he asked me to marry him, not the other way around. And though it was just for a week of free food and room, it is still legally binding within the borders of Skyrim."

Ma'zurah looked confused. "Wait, so he did not mean it? He misled you? And you still pursue him?"

"He did not mislead me. I am technically already married. Though, I would rather leave that in the past. That was arranged, to sire children, though the plan seems to have caused more trouble in the House than less. It's part of why I was spending time in Skyrim."

"Oh. Well... If he truly does not understand what you mean, then have you tried asking him using direct words? Khajiit are often very straightforward about these matters, at least when Ma'zurah was in Elsweyr."

"What do you mean by direct? How much more direct can you get than ‘share my bed’?"

"Sharing someone's bed could mean simply sleeping. It really depends on the context. Have you told him the specific acts you want once you get him in your bed?" Ma'zurah attempted to hide a smirk.

"I have also offered my body for his use, but that seemed to have gone by without understanding as well. Or perhaps he is simply not interested. Yet I swear he is flirting with me at times. But then again, perhaps it is a cultural difference?"

"Ma'zurah does not know. Ma'zurah had to leave Elsweyr when she was sixteen." Ma'zurah took a deep breath. "If he is not interested, then it seems very cruel to this one that he leads you on."

Fayrl smiled. "He has never attempted to lead me on. I happily pursue in the hopes of learning more about him. He is so different from anyone I have ever met. I would like to grow closer to him, regardless of how he is comfortable with that taking shape. In the meantime he does not keep me from pursuing other passions."

Ma'zurah nodded. "That is generally the way of the Khajiit. You sound quite in love with him though."

"What?!" Fayrl jerked in surprise. "I would hardly say my feelings have developed to that point!"

"Really?" Ma’zurah raised her eyebrows. "You were just sighing about how beautiful and intelligent he is, how much you desire to spend time with him, how different he is, and how much much you want to be closer to him. That sounds very much like love to Ma'zurah."

"I could say much the same about you, my mysterious time-traveling lady, but I would hardly call the feeling love."

"Well... It sounds like more than that to Ma'zurah. And Ma'zurah should know. She almost lost love once because she did not admit it until it was almost too late."

Fayrl shook his head. "I assure you, it is not like that."

"Well Fayrl should know Fayrl better than anybody else, so Ma'zurah will accept his word for it." She sighed and looked around at the landscape. They had just arrived at a crossroads with bridges over a river to the north and east.

Fayrl was happy to take advantage of the distraction. "Take the left fork here."

Ma'zurah directed the horse to the left and took in the huge fields of golden wheat, with houses dotted along the road at intervals. "This is a nice place. Nicer than Ma'zurah imagined Skyrim to be. Warmer too."

"This is so bizarre,” Fayrl said softly, “It is not so different as I would have expected. The buildings are different, but they are in the same places."

"The city is the same?" Ma’zurah pointed across the fields of wheat to the north where the high stone walls of Whiterun rose from atop a tall hill.

"Well, mostly. It feels surreal to encounter it so the same and yet so different!"

Ma'zurah nodded, then jumped as a crash sounded from behind the next farmhouse.

Fayrl’s tumblr: @talldarkandroguesome

Fayrl’s husband, Qau-dar, belongs to @warmsandstraveler. Fayrl’s author has an ongoing, publically available RP going with him and several other people in an alternate timeline in which nobody gets lost in time.

Screenshot of Fayrl Screenshot of Ma’zurah Check out my art tag for more pictures of Fayrl and Ma’zurah.

Constructive criticism is welcome. We also really like it if you leave comments on Ao3.

#TES #Elder Scrolls Lore #Skyrim #ESO #Morrowind #My Writing #Fanfic #Lost In Time TES Fanfic #Fayrl Indoril #Ma'zurah the Khajiit #Rated T

4 notes · View notes

shyscience · 7 years

Text

Worshiping the gods

Here are some tips and ideas I wanted to share from my personal experiences of worshiping Hellenic gods and goddesses!

For this guide, I’ve tried to incorporate some ideas I don’t usually see in these sorts of things. Not to say I’m the first to think of them, just some things I feel need some more love and appreciation.

💀 I’ve made a Hades specific post similar to this if you’re interested, here!

List under the cut below :)

🌙 Get personal!

One of the main things about working with deities is that everyone’s relationship with them is different. There is no set, 100% right way to worship a god or goddess, so don’t be afraid to try new things. Think outside the box, no one wants to just do the same exact things as the next guy, right? That being said, this gets easier the more your relationship builds. Don’t feel pressured to find a completely new and unique way to worship, especially not right off that bat. Simple things work just as well.

Like, finding things your god likes that isn’t in the history books. For me, Hades, I've found, is fond of blueberries. That, as far as I know, is not historical. But he seems to like it whenever I give him raw blueberries or ones covered in dark chocolate (another found favorite of his).

🌙 Colors. Colors! Colors!

This is really more important than you’d think and can make worshiping subtly and/or quickly a breeze. For example, wear colors you associate with the deity of your choice. If you think of pink for Aphrodite, wear that lace, baby pink dress that’s been hiding in your closet. Or with makeup, you can do a powerful, blue smokey eye for Hera, or a more natural look for Athena, or use rusty, sparkly reds the remind you of fire for Hestia. As long as you’re doing it in their name respectfully, they will love it.

Don’t underestimate the usage of just colors when working with deities!

🌙 Don’t forget epithets!

You would be shocked at how much you can learn about a deity just from some old nicknames. I advice you to go look some up, and not only use them when addressing the deity in question, but really take the time to learn more about ones you find interesting.

Such as: Aphrodite is more than just love and lust. She has epithets pointing to the possibility she was once considered a war goddess, epithets referring to darkness and death, and one meaning “skilled in inventing”, just to name a few.

🌙 Reading!

And I don’t mean just reading their myths, though that’s a good idea too. I mean read things that simply remind you of them. Athena might enjoy a good mystery novel or Apollo would appreciate some fine poetry, perhaps Shakespeare.

Also, maybe pick up an ancient Greek epic like the Iliad or Odyssey; or an old Sapphic poem; or something by Hesoid, Aristotle, or Plato; something that can be universal to all gods of that pantheon or easily devoted to a specific one. Not to mention how many context clues and first hand ideas about the gods you get, as well as some awesome stories.

Don’t forget to annotate and take notes!

🌙 Digital Entertainment!

Besides reading, one can also use modern technology to better connect with the gods. You can, honestly, watch things you enjoy while also honoring deities. For example, watching makeup tutorials on youtube? Aphrodite would love to get in on that. Just put on an action film, maybe some cool, fighting super heroes? Invite Ares to join in. Hell, in the morning Zeus might even like watching the weather with you while you drink your coffee.

Or, put something on specifically for that deity. Like, you think Hera wants to watch “Say Yes to the Dress”? Put that on and either watch it with her or just carry on with your work if you’re busy and let her do her thing.

Also, I know a lot of pagans, myself included, make playlists dedicated to different gods and listen to it when worshiping or just when we feel the need to connect to that certain deity. This is a good way to use your personal tastes and likes to worship.

🌙 Devote a Journal/Diary just for them!

If you’re feeling especially close to a certain deity, consider having a journal or some other type of book where you write strictly about that god or goddess. A lot of pagans have a BOS or something similar, but this is something more personal to whichever god or goddess you’re doing it for.

I did this with Hades and he adores it. I bought a Dark Brotherhood (Skyrim) inspired journal and I use it to write all about Hades, including information, myths, personal things about our relationship, ect. It’s a good place for me to keep all my collected information about him without cramming my normal BOS full and so I’ll have all the information together for much easier, faster access.

You can also use a journal or diary to simply write letters or ‘talk’ to deities casually if you don’t feel comfortable talking out loud but don’t want to just speak in your head. Writing things out physically might be a good choice.

🌙 Jewelry and Clothing!

This one is pretty self explanatory. You can wear anything that reminds you of your deity, which is a great way for subtle worship. Like I mentioned before, colors can be a big deal, but you can use imagery as well. If you want to wear a flower crown and praise Persephone or Demeter, go for it. Have any earrings with musical notes on them? Apollo thinks they’re very pretty.

🌙 Art and Writing!

Another self explanatory one. Drawing deities or things associated with them is a common and well received offering. Some people even make their own jewelry, clothing, veils, statues, or other crafts, there really is no limit here. If you can think it, you can do it!

You can also write any number of things as worship. Write a hymn, a poem, a song, a fanfic, a made up myth, a modern story, ect.

🌙 Tattoos!

I highly advise you don’t jump at the first opportunity to do this or take this lightly. Tattoos are permanent, obviously, but that’s also what makes this sort of devotion so special and dangerous. You can get a depiction of your god on your body, sure, but not everyone wants that. Instead, consider a sigil (maybe that you made), something associated with them, a quote that reminds you of them, ect..

If you decide you want to bring Persephone with you everywhere you go, maybe you’d get a flower. or get some wings on your ankles, if you’re so inclined, for Hermes. Create a personal sigil for Hekate and get it tatted. This is another devotion that lies heavily on personal preference and creativity!

Don’t think either that you have to get something you don’t like just because you think they’ll like it. Its your body, if you don’t want to get a big tattoo of their face on you, then don’t. You can get something small, easy to cover up later (just in case), that has another meaning to you, or is hidden under clothes.

Again, don’t take this act lightly and think very hard on it before seriously considering it!

🌙 Donating and Volunteering!

This is by no means required of you to do and not everyone has the time or money to do so. But a good way to honor a deity is to donate money or time to people in need.

If you think Athena is going to just turn a blind eye to the fact you gave a dollar to help build a library in a less fortunate area, then you’re in for a surprise. Or if you gave your extra five to Planned Parent hood, Aphrodite would be pleased. Even giving your only spare change to a homeless person you pass on the street could be considered a blessing from Hestia or Zeus (protector of men, protector of strangers).

🌙 Be Sincere!

What I can’t stress enough is be sincere in your devotions and offerings. Even if it’s just giving thanks for an answered prayer or a quick hello as you pass your alter before going to work, do what you do with meaning. However, don’t confuse sincerity with pure enthusiasm or excitement. If you’re feeling low, don’t feel bad that you weren’t motivated to do something huge for your deity. They understand, really. As long as you’re doing what you can in the moment, they appreciate you even taking the time to talk to them, especially in moments where you feel down because it shows them how much you’re trying.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This is in no way a complete list, but I hope it gives some people some ideas or inspiration in their worship! Remember, everyone’s relationship is different, so you are in no way expected to do all or any of the things listed here, this is just a little peak into how I do it.

I’ll likely add more to this list in the future or even make others!

14 notes · View notes

theskaldsagas · 5 years

Text

Inigo and I finally reached the hold of Haafingar. We made our way down toward Dragon Bridge (after clearing out a bandit fort that had been set up as an ambush point for weary travelers - as we passed I had a bad feeling and tried to avoid them, but then I saw one of the Khajiit caravans getting ambushed and felt I needed to help); turns out there's a nice small town at the crossroads before you reach Dragonbridge - it held a blacksmith, where I sold many of the things I liberated from the bandits that had been weighing me and my horses' saddlebags down. The smith seemed glad of the coin, if not the interruption to his work, which he resumed even despite the pouring rain outside. What a dedicated man, eh?

On the way out of this small town I even discovered a brewery - Frost something-or-other Brewery. They make mead with snowberries which was interesting; Inigo and I needed to get out of the rain and warm ourselves, so we went inside the brewery and even tried some of the mead.

I quite enjoyed it, but Inigo seemed indifferent; it was just alcohol to him it seems.

On the way back out, warmed up and warm-feeling, a woman in the fields answered some of my questions about the mead and tasked me with delivering a small keg of it to Winterhold. Seeing as I'm heading back there after our adventures in the hold of Haafingar, I agreed and placed the keg in my horses' saddlebags, for now. Seems quite fitting to sell something so warming in such a cold place as Winterhold. It will be a nice change of pace when I go back there.

After that we crossed the crossroads and rode through Dragonbridge, where we took a short rest at the inn, the Four Shields. I even decided to perform at the inn, though there were not many patrons in at that hour - spell tomes are expensive and I am in much need of the septims!

After that short stop we rode our horses to Solitude, leaving our mounts at the stables and combined farm - called Katla's Farm. Inigo had to chase after me then because I caught sight of the beautiful view from the docks - and the sight of Solitude itself, up on the rock. I must have run through the docks and across the bridge a few times, just enjoying the view.

Finally we went into the city proper, where we were greeted by an execution.

As a Nord and believer in Talos, but as one that is still a loyal citizen of the Empire - or as loyal as a believer can be, I had mixed feelings on this man Roggvir's death.

In the end, I felt at least I could bear witness and pray to Stendarr for mercy on his soul. After everyone had left the stage of this gruesome sight, I went and retrieved his Talos amulet. I'm not sure what possessed me then, other then that I felt someone who appreciates it's meaning and believes in Talos should have it. That it should not have been disposed of so easily.

After this, Inigo and I went to the notice board by the inn to collect some paying odd jobs to do. We also went by the Bards College, a place both Inigo and I wished to go to and honestly the main reason we came to Solitude.

I also spoke to a local war vet now beggar who asked me to get his helmet back. I said I would see what I could do.

After shopping - and I must say this is one thing Solitude does well, it has many great shops - I stopped in at the clothing shop, one of its only like in Skyrim. I was asked in a not so nice way by one of the High Elf shopkeepers there to model this outfit for Elenwen, current Jarl and possibly future High Queen, of Solitude. If I had not been on my way to the Blue Palace anyway (to speak to Falk Firebeard about some local kidnappings I'd heard of from the notice board) and if I hadn't have looked so wonderful in the outfit I wouldn't have done it. But that's how it was so I did.

I was paid well by the High Elf lady and I received a nice outfit to perform songs in for my trouble.

While I was there I heard tell of some trouble at Wolfskull Cave back by Dragonbridge. It sounded of a magical nature and being the curious type I am about these things, I volunteered to go.

But before that Inigo and I relaxed at the Winking Skeever, the local inn, and I performed for the crowded place in my new outfit. It was wonderful and I was paid well. I seem to slowly be getting better at writing songs, it seems! The crowd really seemed to enjoy it.

After that I enjoyed some of the local Spiced Wine and my dinner and went off to sleep.

The next morning Inigo and I left Solitude to complete some various tasks assigned to us. Of course on the way to Dragonbridge, a Nether Dragon began circling us. That's what I get for leaving so early at 5 am - these things love to use the darkness for cover, after all!

It fell quickly between Inigo, myself, and even a female Mercenary in heavy Orcish armor with a bald head who slung Fireballs at the Dovah with the speed of one long practiced. Quite a sight to behold, that was. Toward the tail end the beast swung toward a hidden Stormcloak camp in the woods by the road, and that was when two of them joined in with arrows and sword and shield to help out. I may have sides in both stances of this civil war, but I must say having two of the fiercest fighters in Skyrim on my side was a good feeling, though one of my kinsmen made his way to Sovngarde during the battle. May his soul enjoy the everlasting celebrations of this fight between soldier and dragon!

After the battle was won, the remaining Stormcloak made his way back to the camp which I took the liberty of following him to. I haven't picked a side yet as I mentioned, so they welcomed me to sell the loot from the dragon to their smith and rest a minute by the fire (I tire easily these days - this is due to a type of magic casting I'm currently studying. It lets me cast spells with no Magicka cost so long as I go into a trance before I sleep and attune myself to certain energies; though this casting gets stronger as my magical talent does, it's still limited to a certain number of times to use it before I tire and must rely on other methods to defend myself. Someday I hope this type of casting can bring my kinsmen back to casting spells again without worry; but first I must master it myself, or retire this method and move on - for now I stick to the latter).

During this interlude I borrowed their Alchemy Table and brewed a few simple health potions and a few more complex magicka poisons - the latter having proven to be most useful in the past against enemy mages, who we would be facing shortly.

At long last I made my way to Wolfskull Cave where I found a strange mix of necromancers and draugr. Some of which even fought each other before I was spotted by either one.

Toward the end I stumbled upon a ritual of sorts - and I could feel in my gut that it was dark magic. Inigo and I defeated the necromancers before they could finish the ritual, but not before I caught a glimpse of a female figure floating above the indoor tower where the mages were gathered. As we were finishing the last of them I heard the figure say, "I will not be bound!" and seemingly dissipate. This of course coincided with the defeat of the mage leading the ritual however, so whether this was the spirit they were attempting to raise refusing to play along or elsewise I'm unsure. I get the feeling this won't be the last I hear of these necromancers nor this spirit..

After exiting Wolfskull Cave, we went down toward the shoreline behind Solitude proper - this was where the kidnapped farmers were last seen. I tracked bloodstains to a cave full of Hagravens and found a note on one of the farmers bodies; apparently the fools were hoping to find treasure in this cave. I say fools because they came unarmored with nothing more than a woodsmans' axe to gain this treasure.

On the way back to Solitude, Inigo and I found the next body - in the middle of the road. I can imagine what happened here was a fight between the two for the "treasure". Still, I found one last note directing them to a cave closer to Morthal than Solitude.

On the way toward Morthal, a snowstorm started up. It was so bad I could hardly see the road in front of me, even with my lantern. I tried to go by foot to see better, but the snow had piled up so much it slowed me down more, so we went on horseback slowly, but carefully.

We were attacked by bandits and wolves - hoping to take us unaware in the storm I assume. Quickly dispatched; we took a break to warm up at the bandits fire and continued onward, but by then the snowstorm had worsened.

I find the road toward Morthal by luck, though that seemed to be the end of said luck. I finally realize we will have to break camp or stumble around blind though, so I search for a flat piece of land - and Frost, my horse, gets lost as well.

We end up so lost that I ride straight into the Temple of Meridia - which I was purposefully avoiding. I've never trusted or liked Daedric princes much and I never intended to take this one back it's beacon.

I know this is our location because Meridia speaks to me in such a way that I can not block out her voice.

Thinking I will return this beacon and be done with the whole thing - and also thinking she lead me here knowing I did not wish to do her bidding - Inigo and I hop off our horses and I go up the steps to her statue.

I place the beacon - only to be teleported up thousands of feet into the sky. I scream for Inigo but he looks on helplessly.

I come face to face with the glowing light that claims Meridia's name and she tells me her task: and lets me know she will kill me if I don't do it. Looking down, I grudgingly agree.

She lets me down unharmed and, after claiming the Word Wall next to her statue, Inigo and I tether the horses and enter the Temple.

As we make our way in, Inigo quips, "I hope the reward is worth it. This is quite a task Meridia has assigned us."

I laughingly agree. May that make it worth our while.

So we fulfill this task and during it we enter onto a platform of sorts that looks down onto the shoreline and trees of Solitude proper. Inigo points out the view and I take a moment to etch it into my mind; he's right, it's beautiful, and so I include it (and some etchings of Inigo and myself of course!) above, with an etching of the inside of the Temple for good measure, where I sat upon one of the thrones with Inigo and we laughed about her holiness.

It helped soothe my ego a bit - and the Herbane's Courage set I received was a nice touch, though I felt sorrow and pity finding a Legionaries' body on that platform. I wish I could have buried him. I left a blue mountain flower as a token of thanks instead.

I fear no Daedric princes. I am just wary of them. This man is a good example as to why - there were no enemies on this platform. What killed him if not Meridia? Who can know the inner workings of princes, after all?

Finally by the skin of our teeth (and the help of those poisons I brewed at the Stormcloak camp as well as a Flame Atronach to burn up his undead minions), we defeated Malkoran - and his shade.

Meridia teleported me out of the Temple after that, and back into the sky, where she tried to convince me to be her Champion.

I refused, but said I'd enjoy the sword.

When I came back down from Her Holiness, that was when I saw she'd teleported me out, but not Inigo. Thankfully we have a spell from a crazy old mage to use for that! So I teleported him myself.

He wasn't thrilled to say the least and asked me where I'd gone - I sighed and with a grimace, pointed to the Statue of Meridia above us. He calmed down after that.

The snowstorm has at least died down some, but not enough to go as far as we need. Inigo and I, pulling out the map, made a plan: we'd stop in at Solitude for the night, update our taskmasters on what had happened, possibly collect coin for some of the completed jobs and make our way onward to finish the rest of them after re-stocking a bit.

So, this is where I leave off - in Solitude, at the Winking Skeever.

Soon enough I will have to dismiss Inigo for a time. I dread to do it, but I need to complete the last task the Greybeards assigned me as Dragonborn and for this I feel I need to do it alone. As Dragonborn.

Inigo has his own destiny.

This is another reason I took us to Haafingar Hold and Solitude; I thought we'd enjoy the Bards' College and some local adventuring before I send him off with that crazy old mage in the mountains for a time.

Though I offered to let Inigo stay at my place or even to take over my Riften house, Honeyside. I rarely use Honeyside now that I have Breezehome; I'd have gladly gifted it to him. After all in an odd way it was with his help I made the coin to buy Honeyside.

But he refused, saying even he needs his space. He said it in his trademark Inigo way, completely non-offensively, but I still was a bit hurt. Not to mention I will worry every second he's with that old hermit mage.

But I suppose he can defend himself, and it won't be for long.

Well, on toward Morthal and a few last tasks in Haafingar Hold before then.

Saga

#in character #haafingar hold #solitude #dragonbridge #meridia #daedric princes #dovah

0 notes

gendermesenpai-blog · 6 years

Text

7:38am

welp

I’m actually doing pretty ok right now. I cut back on weed again. I��m not buying flower for a while. I’m probably going to work on getting some wax at some point but I’m doing ok right now. Uber has really been helping in terms of just having enough to eat a little bit everyday. I do wish I was eating more but c’est la vie. I just did some math and figured out how much money I will make before I leave for Europe. It’s just under $8000. Rent will be around $2000 in that time. Food expenses around $750. Wax could be as much as $1000 in that time. But at the end of the day I should be able to put away around $4000 if I am very dilligent about my spending. Obviously this doesn’t take into account various messwork related expenses which are difficult to predict - I could say that one gatorskin per month would leave me with about $300 less. But that’s not really worth considering since it will probably be much more than that, because tires are not the only expense in messwork. I am still planning on buying some more bike parts and that might run me up to $300 just on seatpost, stem and bars. Maybe a new fork since this Bontrager carbon fork is making me a little nervous lately from flexing. I do put a lot of hurt on my bike. It’s within reason that a cheap carbon fork (retail around $100) might weaken and snap from the constant daily pressure I’ve been putting on it. It was super stiff when I got it though since whoever rode this bike before me was probably just commuting ~1mi. And here I am putting in average of 30mi/day on it. It’s also all scratched up, might be worth upgrading just for the steez.

I’m feeling pretty good about my transition despite the fact I am 5 months in and still not as femme as I would like. It’s slow going, but progress is certainly being made. Thinking back on when my lil titty bumps started coming in and how it suddenly felt like there was this golfball sized lump in there. And now it’s advanced to, like.... half a apple? Like a small apple cut in half. So surreal! My face still looks kinda the same in the mirror, like it’s just kinda stuck in this halfway zone between masc and femme. My waist is tightening, I’m starting to get more of the buckled hourglass shape around my abdomen. And I sense some growth in my butt. Not sure how much. Difficult to measure that since I can’t easily see it and also because I’m not really measuring anything in this whole process. Emotionally I actually feel better on average since I’ve started cutting down on weed. I was so worried that if I sobered up I would start regretting stuff but no actually I just feel normal and good. When I looked in the mirror this morning I was like ooooh Hi. lol. I’m making enough progress that I think I can feel proud now of how far I’ve come.

Haven’t really been making much music. Just a couple beats here and there, a few bars if I think of something I like. This is something I think the weed was helping with for sure - I wrote literally every song on the LTC EP while I was high out of my mind, and drunk too in some cases. I am still so embarassed about the show I did. That kinda put the brakes on my creative output because I am too self conscious about it now. But I sense that it’s fading and I will probably end up back where I was at some point once I get over the hump from that setback.

When the muscle loss initially started I felt like the muscles were the same size, they just didn’t work the same anymore, didn’t recover as quickly etc. Now, the muscles are visibly and noticeably smaller. I had a pair of men’s pants that I bought when I went out to dinner with my brother in January, just before I started hormones. I remember those jeans being so tight on my quads that it was actually uncomfortable to wear them at all, let alone ride my bike in them with my muscles actually flexing. The other day I wore them out for a couple Uber runs and I noticed how loose they were on my quads. So weird because in the 5 months since I started hormones, I have only increased my output. I went from only working 3-4 days a week for Epic, some days doing as little as 15 miles, laying around being a poop the rest of the time, to now doing on average a minimum of 25-30 miles a day, everyday, including weekends, and sometimes as much as 40-50. So while my muscles appear to be shrinking and becoming weaker, I am actually somehow, paradoxically, becoming stronger. Yesterday my Strava said I got PRs on two segments that are actually kinda tough, one is a long section of flats downtown where the wind is almost always murder. It was brutal yesterday, and I remember crawling along, huffing and puffing and feeling sorry for myself about how weak I am now or whatever, and when I exited the section I remember being like, jesus, how is nobody noticing how slow I am these days? I can’t even ride with the other messengers anymore, blah blah. And then I check my Strava and it’s like, oh, no, actually you got a PR there. That was the fastest you’ve ever done that segment, by a good few seconds too. So, it’s like, I am still fast as shit, actually faster than before, but somehow it just feels like I’m not. It feels like I have to work super hard to get anywhere, and I’m always heaving and panting every time I arrive to my destination. But I get there fast as fuck and that’s what really matters as a messenger. So I guess I don’t have much to worry about there. My spiro dose went up to 100mg/day this month from 50 and there was initially what felt like a big drop off in terms of muscle function. But it’s really all good. I just worry too much I guess. But things are going well! It feels like I’m approaching the halfway mark in my transformation into an anime girl. Probably not really the case, it’s been slow going all along so I should expect the halfway point to be 1 year, and complete-ish around 2 years. But instead I’m like, nooo, I’ll be transformed by 1 year, the journey will be over! Unrealistic. But exciting.

I don’t even know what else to say about it. I’m happier than I’ve ever been. I’m more functional than I’ve ever been. I have actual plans and goals. I’m living in a really nice house. I have a decent enough job. It’s just so weird when I actively think about how all this is working out. Considering 2-3 years ago I had no fucking idea I was trans. I was just barely working out that there was something going on with my gender shit but I had no idea I was fully gril. And now I’m like, um, excuse me sweetie *sashay away*

The other night I talked to C on Skype and at one point I kind of randomly started using my voice and talking about how I should practice more and it sounds bad because I don’t practice. And I was like halfway through the second sentence when she realized what I was doing and her eyes went all wide and she squealed. And her being excited made me excited haha and now I want to practice it more. It’s tough though, it’s a tough thing. I want to work on it but it can feel a bit silly at times, like I’m performing somehow. It will take some time to get away from that feeling so that I can appreciate the truth which is that the boy voice was the real performance all along. My natural speaking voice is, and it’s hard to admit this I guess, but it has what some people would refer to as a gay affectation to it. And I’ve always just sort of hidden it away. No one has ever really heard me speak naturally. I have always been acting. Since I begun my transition, I’ve been letting more of it out in daily speech. Little bit of vocal fry here and there, little bit of valley girl twang. No one seems to really notice or care.

It rained all week last week and I felt like shit for days. Today it’s supposed to rain again and I’m like ugh. Enough with the sky water please. But in any case I feel pretty good. Oh, I’ve started up a new character on Skyrim! Trying out Skyrim Special Edition. They ported the game to 64 bit so it runs way better now than the original PC version did. I waited like a whole year since this new version came out so that the modders could move everything over. It’s pretty fun actually. So often I find myself unable to enjoy a game because it feels pointless. But in this case I am kind of just using it as a distraction from my other addiction issues. And it’s working well. I’ve been watching all these lore videos on youtube and it’s got me excited about TES universe and finding various secrets and things that I never knew about before. I’ve probably put like a thousand hours or more into Skyrim over the years and there is somehow still stuff in the game that I haven’t seen. Literally within like an hour of starting the new game I discovered a dungeon I had never seen before with a unique item reward I didn’t even know existed. My character is a femme Breton mage who I named Simone after Simone de Beauvoir. Mostly pure mage but some archery and stealth as well. Usually when I roll mages I end up spec’ing Battlemage or Spellsword but this time I want to try to do full mage with no armor or hand to hand weapons at all. In all this time I’ve spent in Skyrim I never bothered to have my mage characters learn armor spells or wards. There is a new mod that adds a bunch of new lore-friendly spells including proximity runes that you can set as traps, I haven’t even tried them yet and I’m already excited about how that will change my play style. I’ve been playing from the time I get home til around midnight for the last 2 nights. Helps keep my mind off drinking and smoking and keeps me away from the roommates so I don’t do or say anything stupid that could affect their perception of me. Cus that’s a whole thing I have to worry about yayyy. The other night I was drinking with N and somehow she got me like confessing about how I smoke so much because of my social anxiety and shit and she was like “really???? oh that’s so interesting” smh and I think she really meant that, what a weirdo. I almost came out to her right there haha. Like, oh you think that’s something? Wait til you hear what I’ve done to my endocrine system...

Ok gotta shave and stuff and get ready to go. *sashayyyyy away*

EDIT: Oh shit, bossman just texted me and said to stay home! FUCK YES SKYRIM ALL DAY OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG

0 notes