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alittlepudge-neverhurtnobody · 1 year

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Ohhh I'm curious what kind of "might be the end times" N/J are living in? And how did that relationship weight happen/when did they individually notice it happening?

they are living in the “we’re nearing the final prediction of an apocalypse theory that has accurately predicted a bunch of other stuff so far” kind of end times! it’s alt-2016 and there are weird signals coming in from space and nobody really knows what’s going on but given the apocalypse theory … it probably isn’t good! N is kind of resigned to it, like, whatever happens happens. if the world ends he’s off the hook for student loans. J is having a much more difficult time with it. he is very much in the camp of “how am I supposed to keep doing my silly little job and my silly little tasks when the WORLD might be ENDING?” he is also learning that he has an anxiety disorder but that’s a different story.

(not that it’s abnormal to be anxious when all manner of apocalyptic bullshit is going on! I myself am anxious All The Time! but he’s realizing as all this stuff is happening that perhaps his massive uncontrollable spirals about it are not … normal?? I honestly think he might eat about that too but rn we are focusing on the happy stuff!!)

but anyway, N and J have been together for 2-3 years at this point. J was a little chubby when they got together, but he also wasn’t much for cooking so a lot of times in the pre-N era he would just make himself a packet of ramen and call it a day. but once he and N move in together, there is So Much Food all the time. N isn’t just making something for dinner, he’s making an entree and sides and bread and dessert and he’s making a little cheese plate for J to snack on while he finishes up work or watches N cook. N also buys a lot of snacks and J is the kind of person who will just eat if there’s food around whether he’s hungry or not, so it, uh, doesn’t take long.

putting the rest under a cut as it got … long … but pls feel free to ask more oc questions!!

J is a very empirical evidence kind of guy so when his pants start getting harder to button and his waistbands start folding under his belly and his shirts start getting tight around his upper arms, he starts paying attention. it’s not a huge shock given how much he’s been eating, but he’s still kind of surprised by how fast his jeans go from “a little snug but wearable” to “I have to unbutton these if I want to sit comfortably at my desk.” (never mind the always-surprising “even my sweats are getting tight now?”) so he finally takes stock and is like, “welp, time to size up!” bc there is no way he’s giving up or cutting back on N’s cooking. could he exercise? sure. is he realistically gonna get up at 5am to accompany N on his morning run? absolutely not. he’ll just buy new clothes.

N notices that J is putting on weight first though. he’s been on the lookout since the first time he cooked dinner for J and J ate three helpings and was like, “oh man, I’m going to get so fat if you cook like this all the time.” to which N was like, “... that’s … fine!” while internally combusting. he enjoys cooking and baking for the actual activity, but he also likes having an excuse to shower people with food for … reasons. when they first started dating he was very “oh no 😇 I accidentally 😇 made 4 dozen cookies 😇 whatever will i do with them 😇?” he notices first that J’s belly is starting to press against his t-shirt and that he can see a couple stretch marks beginning to bloom down his sides. N is taller so he doesn’t have many excuses to ask J to get stuff off high shelves but J likes to do big stretches after a long day of hunching over in his desk chair, so N gets some good looks at how his stomach is starting to shelf over his waistbands. little by little he watches J’s belly button indent emerge beneath his t-shirts. J gains enough in his hips and thighs that N can tell he’s filling out their kitchen chairs a little more. the backs of his thighs are starting to dimple and his upper arms are getting so perfectly, squeezably chubby and it’s taking everything he’s got not to get too handsy and give himself away. he wants to FEEL IT! he wants to EXPLORE! especially since the bulk of J’s gain is from food HE COOKED. he wants the hands-on experience of how much he’s helped J overindulge!

he grinds his teeth and tries to be normal about it until J brings it up, which sort of backfires but also sort of works out because J has his own theories that N likes it and starts making offhanded comments about his gut getting bigger and “maybe I should start hitting the gym” to smoke him out. (J is a queer computer nerd who almost certainly had a traumatic time in middle school PE, he is not going to the gym.) N comes clean and J is very chill with it. he’s gonna keep enjoying N’s food anyway, he might as well have fun teasing him while he does it! he gets a lot of mileage out of it. ate too much at a work function? he can tease N by telling him how much he ate while getting a belly rub and “forgetting” to stifle his burps. got weighed at a doctor’s appointment? he’s gonna whisper that number into N’s ear while they’re making out later. out of breath bc the work elevator is broken and he had to take the stairs? might as well leave N a voicemail so he can hear how out of shape he is. tipsy after drinks with his coworkers? the only cure is cuddling with N and asking him to feed him the pizza J impulse-ordered on his way home. had a big meal and now all of his pants are a little too tight on his belly? time to sprawl on the couch and let his belly hang out unencumbered while he groans and whines about how he knew he was overdoing it, but it was too good to stop. helping N in the kitchen? his belly’s so heavy, guess he’ll have to just rest it on the countertop. none of it is kinky for him but he’s having a GREAT time nonetheless. turning N on is the real reward. (N is in feedist hell but also feedist heaven. never in his wildest dreams could he have hoped for a boyfriend who’s not only cool about his kinks, but is also so enthusiastic about indulging them.)

J puts on 60-70 pounds over the course of their first year together — the first half go on pretty quickly and the second half more gradually — and retires his outgrown t-shirts to wear around the house for N to appreciate. he plateaus around there for the most part but slowly gains a little more as their relationship progresses, and he always gets a little heavier around the holidays while N tests out recipes and bakes a metric fuckload of cookies for everyone they know. at family gatherings J tells everyone who makes a comment about his weight or aims a pointed look at his belly that N is such a great cook and is keeping him so well-fed and gives his belly a little pat or a jiggle. it gives N the vapors. (later J shows him some pictures from college and casually drops that he’s gained almost a hundred pounds since then. N is going to think about that for a LONG time.)

he grinds his teeth and tries to be normal about it until J brings it up, which sort of backfires but also sort of works out because J has his own theories that N likes it and starts making offhanded comments about his gut getting bigger and “maybe I should start hitting the gym” to smoke him out. (J is a queer computer nerd who almost certainly had a traumatic time in middle school PE, he is not going to the gym.) N comes clean and J is very chill with it. he’s gonna keep enjoying N’s food anyway, he might as well have fun teasing him while he does it! he gets a lot of mileage out of it. ate too much at a work function? he can tease N by telling him how much he ate while getting a belly rub and “forgetting” to stifle his burps. got weighed at a doctor’s appointment? he’s gonna whisper that number into N’s ear while they’re making out later. out of breath bc the work elevator is broken and he had to take the stairs? might as well leave N a voicemail so he can hear how out of shape he is. tipsy after drinks with his coworkers? the only cure is cuddling with N and asking him to feed him the pizza J impulse-ordered on his way home. had a big meal and now all of his pants are a little too tight on his belly? time to sprawl on the couch and let his belly hang out unencumbered while he groans and whines about how he knew he was overdoing it, but it was too good to stop. helping N in the kitchen? his belly’s so heavy, guess he’ll have to just rest it on the countertop. it isn’t kinky for him but he’s having a GREAT time nonetheless. turning N on is the real reward. (N is in feedist hell but also feedist heaven. never in his wildest dreams could he have hoped for a boyfriend who’s not only cool about his kinks, but is also so enthusiastic about indulging them.)

#ocs #n/j

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notabled-noodle · 2 years

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Hi, I have a questions. Is it possible to know if I'm socially awkward/anxious because I'm just Like That, or if it's due to ADHD or autism? I can imagine a neurodivergency would present with other symptoms, right, outside of just being awkward?

Also like. I try to remember specific instances of me being "weird" or feeling out of place, and I can't pin anything down because it's almost constant. I'm like that with my family, and strangers, but not close friends. Then again, I also have to mask some parts of myself because my parents don't have the highest of opinions of LGBTQ+ folk...

Ah, uh, hm. Anyways. I don't think I was on anon for this but a while back I sent you some asks about how caffeine affects me vs my other undiagnosed w/ ADHD friends. And theres... a new development for me???? Coffee now makes me tired, when it wasn't before. Doesn't matter if there's sugar in it or not.

Uh. I lost my train of thought. Uh. Uhh???? Oh right. So like, I'm just super awkward with people in general, I stutter and stammer even if I know the answer to questions customers are asking (I work in retail). I also noticed that today I could barely understand what some of my coworkers (aside from my best friend, who also works with me) were saying. And at times it was super loud and I felt anxious and sick, I think??? Due to the noise or something? But then I would suddenly notice it was super quiet and the absence or noise was just so chilling and strange.

Sorry for the ramble. Idk if I really have a question here at all, to summarize what I've said...

Uh.. Social anxiety vs ADHD vs Autism: how can I tell the difference? Or can I? I don't have the money for therapy rn and my parents (mom) think I don't need it because I can "figure stuff out on my own." Fun (not so fun) fact, there's this dude who hurt me who came into my workplace prior to me darting there. My mom legit told me to imagine him coming in there so "I could practice reacting to him being there." Which like. It. Uh. Yeah no. I had to hold in my nausea for MONTHS and I'm only just starting to feel fine with going into work now. I started in October of last year and I'm only just now starting to feel ok.

Aaah so so sorry for the long and rambling post I have had a sugary soda so I'm all over the place I'm sorry

hi! it’s definitely possible to have all of the above (autism, ADHD, and social anxiety). it does sound like you have social anxiety that is separate from any other potential neurodivergence, but I obviously can’t say for sure. this also does not mean that it is just social anxiety alone.

social anxiety is exactly what it sounds like — anxiety that surrounds socialising and being around other people. it’s common for people with ADHD and/or autism to develop social anxiety as a result of being excluded, teased, or bullied as children. it can almost be a kind of over-correction to social awkwardness.

awkwardness that is solely from ADHD or autism doesn’t come with that anxiety. being awkward around other people when you are autistic comes from a lack of understanding around social rules. being awkward around other people when you have ADHD comes from impulsivity, boredom, or distractedness.

in terms of caffeine — that happens! different life circumstances can lead to different responses to different drugs… and caffeine is a drug.

I hope this makes sense, and that it answers your questions!

#asks #adhd #autism #social anxiety #drug mention

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juneviews · 2 years

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Sorry if this is crossing the line that’s not what I’m trying to do :( My ask is due to me traveling to a couple of Asian countries with my friend later in the summer and she’s going back to home for the first time in years and she’s trans and I’m 💅 (and I look It tbh) and we’re trying to stay safe.

I was wondering about the dating scene and visibility in Thailand. Have you been dating or are you too busy? Are there a lot of gay clubs? And if there are, are they more hidden or open? Do you see LGBT+ people holding hands/kissing/anything? Have you been openly hit on (because if someone doesn’t tell me that they like me then rip it’s never going to happen)? Anything can help! We’ve been doing a lot of research but nothing beats actual experience. Thank you ❤️

hi anon! no, you're not crossing the line! sadly you're kinda asking the wrong person bc I'm a forever single woman who literally doesn't know the first thing about flirting. though today a guy (not flirting, he has a gf) told me that it's crazy that I'm single bc I'm beautiful, kind & have a great personality so... I have now been hyped up about myself for the next month or so 😌 ANYWAYS, so here's my answers, though again take it with a grain of salt bc I get zero plays & also I'm not very visibly queer (for the straights at least!)

I haven't been dating but I've been making lots of friends, which was personally my priority. though I know many of my friends who have gotten significant others from tinder or bumble, so if you're trying to meet people & you might be shy to do it in clubs or whatever, then maybe try that!

as for the gay clubs, there's surely a lot, though I haven't been to any (yet, tbh I'm waiting to finally make a queer friend that can take me there bc I'm not going clubbing alone sorry lol!) silom road is THE gay street & I stayed near there when I came here for tourism 3 years ago & it was definitely the street for gay clubs! they're not hidden from what I've seen either bc again, everyone knows silom is the queer street :) I'm pretty sure there's also gay clubs at khaosan road (the clubs street), but maybe check before going there!

I don't see many couples doing more than holding hands in general tbh, queer or not. thai culture is not big on pda so I have yet to see anyone kissing in front of me. but there are definitely visibly queer couples out & about!

I've been hit on by this one dude as I was going outside of a club & he complimented my hair (it's a real conversation starter for me, I love it) and then we both just stood there & do I regret not giving him my ig even though he was a foreigner who likely would've gone back to his country three days later??? absolutely, let's not talk about it. once again my flirting game is at -10000 🥲

as for being visibly queer in bangkok & big cities, I really gotta say that you're gonna be fine. there's a LOT of trans people & queer people here, and from what I know, while not everyone is accepting, you just have to expect weird looks sometimes (that will happen for any foreigner tbh) but apart from that I don't think there's much risk. especially if you're two, you won't even notice the weird looks lol, I only noticed them when I stayed here alone. also since it's pride month rn, rainbow pride flags are plastered all over the city & while it's mostly marketing while the same-sex marriage bill still gets rejected by crusty old thai politicians, it still feels very welcoming to see the rainbows everywhere :) so you'll be fine! have fun, meet wonderful queer people & see lots of beautiful things <3

xxx

#answers #axelle goes to thailand #thailand #travel tips

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thattheatretrash · 2 years

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hi so once again i am turning to tumblr bc idk what else to do

need some chronic pain related advice so if you can relate or know someone who does please read below

little background about me: i've had chronic pain for almost two years now, and still no solid diagnosis. different things have been thrown out there, but a lot of the tests i've had done have come back negative, not significant, or inconclusive. the only thing that was ever yes yes definitely positive was a mri of my thighs that showed inflammation. however, a couple months later when i had a muscle biopsy of my thighs done, they ruled it not significant, and it didn't point to a further diagnosis. my rheumatologist decided to put me on prednisone anyway, and it HELPED SO MUCH. at least temporarily, i'm tapering it now since it's not good to be on long term. but it helped with my energy levels and my pain/numbness/weakness/tingling/burning/tingling pain in my lower body. i definitely couldn't have finished college without it.

recently, i was put on lots of different meds, and i've been have a bad flareup and new weird symptoms since the beginning of the summer. i also started using weed to help manage pain and fatigue and it helped a lot. however, because i've had so many new (and some very severe) symptoms and couldn't tell anymore what was a side effect and was a symptom, i decided to stop/taper every medication/drug that i could about a week ago (with my PCP's help). i'm still adjusting.

however, the thing i'm probably most concerned about rn is my new neurological symptoms that have been progressing. while i've had things like sensory issues or brain fog in the past, it's taken such an intense turn to the point that i'm pretty sure i've started having seizures? i hesitate to say that in case i'm wrong but i've been having them a lot. since stopping my meds, it seems to be helping slightly. my brain doesn't feel as overloaded. but i'm still kind of having them. i did go to the ER for one after i had an episode in the urgent care waiting room, and they did a CT which looked fine. they diagnosed it as a "headache" and told me to call my rheumatologist to get off my mycophelate mofetil since they thought it was contributing (and i think it definitely was, especially to my digestive system issues, brain fog, and weird random i'm so sad but idk why mood swing things).

i guess my question is, for people who have had seizures start developing later in life, how did you know it was a seizure? i mean i've looked up stuff online so i'm pretty sure but of course i can't really be sure. and how do you manage seizures day-to-day?

also, for people with chronic pain in general, how do you get people to believe you? i just feel like everyone is starting to think my pain is psychosomatic, which i think of course, some of it is. everyone experiences psychosomatic pain sometimes, and i do have a history of mental illness. but i actually feel pretty good right now!! and i'm doing everything i can to limit my stress, pay attention to my body, give myself positive affirmations, rest, do some gentle movement throughout the day, sleeping a lot (8+ hours usually) on a regular schedule, trying to eat a decent diet, meditate, stretch, i mean, i am really trying everything i can.

but i just don't know what do sometimes. so any advice, especially from other people with chronic pain, is super appreciated. and thank you for reading all of this if you did. i hope you are having a wonderful day!! here's to the lovely journey of becoming closer and more loving with our bodies.

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hospitalterrorizer · 2 months

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diary158

2/19-20/2024

monday - tuesday

ate toast and feel sick-ish.

i wish there were no foods that made me feel bloated. it's such an unpleasant feeling. food is stupid basically and i do wish pretty often that i just wouldn't have to eat it.

anyway, the videos about blowdrying my bangs were good they will make me at least 10% less crazyyyyy, that's just a little treat for me, inside my own head, i don't have to want to cut my head off anymore or whatever histrionic fantasies i get over feeling uggy.

i know i'm making myself sound like i'm doing badly but i'm actually basically fine rn, i'm exporting a song to see how it is now, this one's a bit tougher to mix, the bass is just a little too much rn. so i'm hoping to alleviate that.

i over-corrected but that's easy i suppose to come back on.

tonight i am really feeling the desire to play a yume nikki fangame, i guess because of the pixel art i've been doing, which i think i'll take a break on tonight, not that it takes long, but i don't want to get really burnt out, i'm already tired today, idk why. i guess work does that to you. it's just been so long since i've worked shifts like this, meaning night shifts, or later, shifts, idk. all that matters is that today i am sleepy earlier than usual.

idk, i think i will stop on the song now, and honestly i would play something but i think i am just too tired rn, we'll see. i guess i will try.

i had fun meeting this guy, in withers.

i am super sleepy now but i have at least one thought re: yume nikki and its various kin, which, particularly in yn's case, the evocation of dada and surrealist elements feels not like a mere effort to copy/use those to seem interesting, but done w/ an awareness of those periods and the goals and methods, for instance all the ne-primitivism in the games (esp. evident in the style, the use of pixel art to bridge all kinds of gaps, pixel art to embrace messy/strange kinds of drawing), that kind of thing, stuff that feels like explicit references and using abject mixtures (toriningen specifically being so evidently constructed), as well as the defamiliarized urban environment/uncanniness of social relations when they do occur (standing, staring, basically, and waiting rooms + train rides being the common motifs w/ being around 'others' (and they are all so other to you)), the games basically recall like, beyond dali (not the most exciting reference point imo) more out there moments in surrealism, w/ the downgraded photography used as backgrounds, the evident/excessive use of collage, it evokes this sort of work by man ray, in a way:

another fangame i'm really really fond of is this one called yuque, here are some of my favorite things you can see in it:

i really love the sweets world, in this one, it goes for less primitive and more oddly perverse, esp. with the way those rooms feel so retro and 60s-70s filtered thru that kind of pixel art + body horror, again, the games feel like they contain a lot of very vital and weird updating on surrealism as a way to engage w/ the world/not cut off from its potential for politics/a political mode that enables one to see/surface/engage with immediate surroundings/history and what was buried and ignored, the abjectified pieces of our immediate pasts and surroundings, and use them/turn them into things we have to engage with, rather than petty aesthetics.

anyway, i am sleepyyy, so,

byebye!!!!!!!

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nalgenes · 1 year

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I need to write my thoughts down and i love posting things on the internet SO if u want to hear me discuss the state of Nicks Life rn feel free to read more

OK! so. hmm where do i start

well what im thinking about right now and generally have been thinking about a lot lately is what i am going to do next year. there are basically two possibilities: i am accepted to university and go, or i am rejected and i stay here. i am genuinely interested in the place i applied to and i think i would like it there;

however, i have been feeling lately like i have really gotten into the groove of things here. like, im getting more and more involved with my ASL and geology classes and not only am *I* really enjoying them and interested in continuing on with them, but also i have met some really cool people and professors who have encouraged me to continue. if i stayed, i could do that, and i think i'd have a lot of cool classes i could take next year. also, things are going really well for me at my job and if i stayed here i could make more money than if i went off to uni. [btw. im getting quite close to my top surgery savings goal. like, 2 more paychecks type of close]. so that is another temptation to stay.

my mom mentioned to me that if i dont get accepted and end up staying here another year she and my dad would help me get my own place so i could have some freedom which would be a BIG deal. THAT is what im really interested in. [i would hope that when she says 'help' she means help me pay a significant portion of the rent bc its insanely expensive here and i couldnt afford it in the slightest]. but yeah i would LOVE to get my own place. thats another thing tempting me to stay. live by myself (or with a housemate id be fine as long as i could have my own room) would be game changinggg.

overall like. i kind of feel like things would just overall work out well for me if i stayed in town.

but its also like. i feel like i should be out of here (hometown) by now. yknow? shouldnt i be off at college? i feel so pressured just by the knowledge that my peers are off doing 'greater' things than i am. like, i know i'm smart and i've got my shit together and frankly i'm really lucky/privileged too; i know things will work out for me no matter what. but still i feel this voice in my head telling me to get GOING.

its not like i'm even falling behind by staying here... i'm still taking a full course load and getting gen eds done and i'm on track to graduate the same year if i stay or if i go. so IDK what im thinking!!! theres not really anything for me to do until i hear back from university admissions. its weird... the hardest situation wont even be if im reject, cuz then theres really only one thing for me to do anyway. its if i get accepted, bc then i have to decide should i stay or go. AGH! much too much for me. goodnight

#my life

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rat-in-a-cloak · 2 years

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7/13/22 - tw 3d (vent, diary)

down to 194.4.

2.8 lbs down in the last two days :)

yesterdays counts ended up as -

intake - 708

burned - 147

net - 561

it was overall an okay day. wish it was lower, but i always do. net is fine, but i wish the intake had been much less.

tbh, it's fuckin insane to not be at 198 anymore. like, i've been stuck there for months and months and months, never binging but never restricting enough to do anything other than maintain 197 - 198. and it's super fuckin nice to get some progress and some hope finally. losing weight actually seems possible again, now.

i'm hoping for 193.4, asap. i originally had my goal as to get there by the 19th, but the shock to my system of restricting after a long period of eating regularly is really helping me drop a fair amount quickly. im thankful for that. i hope it continues for quite a while.

anyway, i've taken a walk so far today (about 30 minutes, with a heat retaining outfit on - about 184 cals burned.) i really need to get my watch back :((((( i miss knowing with accuracy. i still have the watch, but the charger is missing, and it's a super specific, weird kind of charger.

i have to go swimming later at an event for my sister, so hopefully i can burn a bit more then. im also trying to fast until then (20 hrs). that ends at 5:15 pm. i might get a snack/small dinner with my family at the event, depending on how it plays out. not sure tbh. it starts at 6, so i dont care if i have to have a small dinner - im on thin ice, since my family all knows about my past eating disorder shit. so i do have to be careful. and i dont wanna lead myself into a binge by restricting super super heavily, abruptly.

in any case, things are going pretty well (in ed terms). things are...actually also going pretty well with mental health, tbh. restricting is actually a working coping mechanism again rn. ik it wont last, but it's nice at the moment.

just hoping i can keep this goin and get back down to at least 150 by the time i leave for fall semester. i cant keep walking around campus looking like this. i need to stay dedicated. what do i have to lose, anyway? the world is doomed, and none of my other coping mechanism are working. it's either being constantly sewerslidal or this. and i'll take this, any day.

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bodiesonbodiesonbodieson · 2 years

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Anyways I have been told that I couldn't maintain in a state of perfect androgyny in this life and instead should focus on alternating between the polarities until the distinction doesn't matter anymore, which is vibe, but that means I have to be comfortable with the fact of losing my femininity to go into the masculine phase of the cycle. Well, I am allowed and probably more naturally inclined to be in a hermaphroditic transitory state as I pass into the other world, which I am fine with. I do think I have to learn to detach myself with femininity because it is only an illusion, to confine my being into it is to confine the expression of my will. I'm afraid that losing my femininity would mean I'll be losing my grace and kindness, which is funny because I am not graceful or kind in the moment whatsoever.

If anything, my femininity is more of an aesthetic inclination done out of sexual performance. If I'm not attracted to men, I'd not be as effeminate for sure. Instead I'd be a perfect male manipulator because I've been raised by almost exclusively women and but will have my feminist bent be much less empathetic, I'd have more male friends due to not having the discomfort and disconnect of being attracted to them and will be more socialized into patriarchal thought forms. I'd be a whore because I know my libido expresses itself in a veiling flirty and light manner that doesn't let itself be too direct and instead aim to be more serpentine in movement. That's how I'm like when I'm gay like rn lmao, just not to girls. Although this does sound very arrogant and lofty and somewhat misogynistic, "If I'm straight I'd get tons of bitches," but that's probably why Ishtar made me a faggot in the first place.

Being gay is responsible for my (anti)political stance, if it weren't for the volatility that was resulting from the homophobia I've faced ìn my life I would've been society's Mr. Perfect. That volatility made me sensitive emotionally to the injustice of the world, not just intellectually. It gave an actual connection to human suffering I could not get being anything else in my environment. My difficulties around being gay is pretty much obviously the fingers of Ishtar moving the chess pieces in perfect movement, just a single aspect of myself causing the entirety of my life to be so drastically different. It's weird to see how different your life would be if you're something else, how differently your intelligence would be used, how differently would you see your mother, your father, entire friends and family. It does consume your life, but seeing what I'd be like as another person, although I could not help feel envy for him, gave me a sense of arrogance in which I know that I am given a path, a destiny, in this life I need to follow not of a forced compulsion but of natural inclination, which tbh probably aren't different things. Interestingly, I think my destiny is breaking it. To rip apart the girdle of heaven and wear it around my naked waist. The thing is, if I've been fighting God my whole life, why would fighting Ishtar be different? I am receiving revelations left and right

#24 #etheric

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stellocchia · 2 years

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Oh! Prompt!

You know how I personally like to imagine Tommy to really dislike eye contact and also generally being stared at post exile? Like. There's a bunch of cool stuff connected to it that I can rant about but like one of my main ones is the good old "he was just here to watch me" combines with him always being the center of attention mixed with the alienation he feels to everyone else due to his experiences. And like. Obviously he's not gonna tell people that because weaknesses and vulnerabilities are for pussies and people who aren't him in general. So he'll just kinda shove the anxiety it creates down.

And obviously that just becomes even worse after he's revived because of. Well. Everyone's looking at him weird. His alienation is even worse.

Like. HHHHHHHHHHH it's not a big thing but every now and then in canon Tommy will actually drop a line about being watched and I'm really trying hard not to go off on a rant rn. Hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Ok. Before I actually do go off on a rant again because stell believe me it's physically painful to keep myself under check rn.

CAN YOU WRITE SOMETHING ABOUT THAT?

I mean it could be allium duo with their shared dislike of eyecontact. It could be Crimeboys with the connection of... Well... Kinda paranoia? It could even be primeboys because Dream, who's the one person actually intentionally watching him, has this whole stalker thing going on in the first place.

Ppppplllllls?

It's been a while, but I'm feeling like writing again tonight, so here we go!

I will write something about this, but you have to promise me you'll go on a rant about it as soon as you're done reading it, alright? I love reading your rants.

Anyway, onto the prompt!

---

Eyes were an awful bodily feature that one day Tommy would eradicate with his own two hands. They were useless anyway. People only use them to watch shit.

To watch him. Study him like an annoying little bug trapped in a glass jar.

The point is, he didn't like them.

He had a grudge against them, and when he had a grudge against something he couldn't eradicate he just did the next best thing: ignore its existence entirely.

That was the only reason why he avoided eye contact. Maybe eyes would just shrivel up and disappear from the power of his spite alone if he ignored them long enough.

Because that's what it was. Anger. Not fear or discomfort, just anger. Which wasn't a weakness. He wasn't a wimp like Pussboo. He was fine and strong, and he definitely wasn't shivering slightly under his best friend's stare.

Tubbo had been doing that a lot since Tommy came back. Stare.

It was like Tommy's skin suddenly turned fluorescent and Tubbo was some kind of little moth attracted by the light. He was constantly circling Tommy and staring at him with that intensity his best friend's eyes always held.

It pissed Tommy off.

At least Ranboo didn't become all weird after Tommy's time in prison. His tone was a bit softer, but Tommy could overlook the pity in exchange for some blessed hours spent not having to think about eyes on him. Constantly on him.

Watching his every move. Analyzing his every step. Memorizing his every habit. Hiding in his walls.

No, Ranboo disliked eye contact as much as he did. Though, in Ranboo's case, it was because his enderman side made him uncomfortable with it. Tommy wasn't uneasy. He wasn't.

He was a man without weaknesses. Not because he got rid of them like some kind of monster, but because he was simply too cool for them.

Anyway, until he found a way to exact his revenge on every eye that decided to exist he'd just hang out with Ranboo and ignore everyone else around him.

#ladycatland ask #dream smp #dream smp fanfiction #tommyinnit #tubbo #ranboo #'long post'

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luxites · 2 years

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do you have advice for finding manufacturers for charms n zines please

hi! honestly I just kinda look around twitter and various searches to see what people bring up! (etc. searching [manu name] and setting the twitter search to only people I follow, since a lot of them make merch)

I want to know if their experiences were good or bad, or if there's a kind of manu I should avoid. The How To Be A Con Artist tumblr is also good at having charm reviews and info on other merch.

I'm putting everything else under a read more just so it doesn't get too long on someone's dash!

I went with Vograce for my first charm experience tho cuz

EDIT 2/3/2022: I tried out another manu and actually liked them a lot better than Vograce (especially for my art style), so I'm using them from this point forward. I could do a post comparing the two manus I tried if people are interested and my reasons why?

but whoops all of the info below this cut are kinda out of date! but the color advice still stands!

it was a manu name I already knew about since I followed artists who used it

I had a couple of friends who were able to vouch for their quality and use them regularly

the good experiences I found outnumbered the bad

They appealed to me cuz of the discounts for quantity

I liked how they offered the clasps/straps as well (So, I didn't have to worry about finding and ordering those accessories and attaching them myself.)

NOTE THO: it's based in China, so shipping is kinda pricey depending on how much you get, and it'll take a while for them to get to you. Here's the notes I kept for my first test run

Vograce has a lot of options (to make things easier too, here's the tumblr post of a pic I took of the first charms I made) I really liked how they came out, just keep CMYK in mind and how printing will always be kinda darker (or lead to some colors being more saturated)

The charm looks a lil off shape wise cuz oops I took this pic an angle- but you can see how much darker his hair and clothes came out on the charm, so I colored the chibi with that in mind. It's good to test printing at home on just regular printer paper in color if it's possible. I printed and cut them out on the sizes I was thinking about ordering for them, and it really helped me decide.

(Anyway yes I love Vograce so far.... I just need to finish drawing more chibis to do a bigger order and hopefully set up a store/find audience....)

I know that ZapCreatives and Inkit Labs are other popular options for people. I've been in zines that have used either Zap or Vograce (or both depending on the kind of charm they want!). There's also people who go on Alibaba to find manufacturers, and while I know at least two manufacturers people use there, the process seems kinda intimidating and confusing to me. I also can't vouch for the quality of those manufacturers or know anyone personally who used them and liked it- so it'd be pretty weird for me to name them! (Vograce used to be only on Alibaba, but I think them having their own website now makes everything easier)

FOR ZINES-

I've only had experience as a participant and not a moderator, but I've been in zines that have used Lulu, Mixam, or PrintNinja. I know there's a few others, but their names slip my mind rn. I really like PrintNinja's quality btw, but they require a minimum of 250 so that's a lot..... It's also very expensive, so I really only see them used for collaborative zines with multiple artists/writers VS an individual

Lulu is....... lol it's fine. I use it to buy hardcover copies of my senior thesis. It's alright, but I'd like to try other places since Lulu didn't have a lot of paper options from what I remember. I usually don't know the kind of zine manufacturers the zines I've been have specifically used aside from a few (it's not something really brought up in the servers). I think their perfect bound and saddle-stitched bound books are good! I'm just not really a fan of how their hardcover feels.

I also know people that had a really bad experience through Mixam and had to switch to another manufacturer, even though I've seen others have good experiences with them. So it all depends...... I do need to look more into zine printing eventually....

I'm sorry I couldn't provide more info for the zine part of your question! but thank u for asking me and I hope that I at least said a few helpful things for you!

#arminiloveyou #ask #merch stuff #vograce #charms #idk what else to tag this with hhmmm #hope some of this was helpful!!

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snarktheater · 3 years

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Hey, d'you have any French book recs? I'm trying to work on my French, and rn I have downloaded one of my favourite book series' French translations, but I figured maybe books already written in French might work better? Also have you read the Ranger's Apprentice series? 1/2

RA's def flawed - the books' narration does like to point bright arrows at the protagonists' intelligence, and the last few books def have the tone of 'old white man trying to write feminism', although at least he's trying? - and it's aimed more to the younger side of YA, but it is still a very fun series, and I can ignore the flaws fairly easily, at least partly due to nostalgia? This rather long lol but I'm wordy.

I'll start with the second question: no, although every time the series is brought up I have to check the French title and go "oh, right, I've seen these books in stores". But I've never purchased or read them. It sounds like something I probably would have enjoyed as a teen but I just missed the mark, and these days I'm trying to drown myself in queer books, so that probably isn't happening.

As for your first question, geez, I haven’t read a French book in years, so this is gonna skew middle grade/YA, though that may not be so bad if the point is to learn the language. I will also say that as a result, these may read a little outdated.

I'll put it under a cut, even if Tumblr has become really bad with correctly displaying read mores. Sorry, mobile crowd.

It's also likely that old readers of the blog will have seen me talk about most of these. I don't feel like going through old posts.

One last thing: while I was curating this list I took the time to make a Goodreads shelf to keep track of those.

The Ewilan books by Pierre Bottero

(It's a testament to how long ago I read these books that these are not the covers of the edition I own, and I can't even find those on Google. I'm settling for a more recent cover anyway since it'll make it easier to find them, presumably)

There are at least three trilogies (that I know of) set in the same world.

The first trilogy is essentially an isekai (so, French girl lands in parallel fantasy world by accident) with elements of chosen one trope, though I find the execution makes it worth the while anyway.

The second trilogy is a direct sequel, so same protagonist but new threat, and the world gets expanded.

The third one is centered around a supporting characters from the previous books, and the first couple of books in it are more her backstory than a continuation, though the third one concludes both that trilogy and advances the story of the other books as well.

Notably these books have a really fun magic system where the characters "draw" things into existence. It's just stuck with me for some reason.

A bunch of stuff by Erik L'Homme

I have read a lot of this man's books, starting with Le Livre des Etoiles.

They also skew towards the young end of YA, arguably middle grade, I never bothered to figure out where to draw the line. They're coincidentally also using the premise of a parallel world to our own (and yes, connected to France again, the French are just as susceptible of writing about their homeland), but interestingly are set from the point of view of characters native to the parallel world.

It also has a very unique magic system, this one based on a mix of a runic alphabet and sort-of poetry. I'll also say specifically for these books that the characters stuck with me way more than others on this list, which is worth mentioning.

This trilogy is my favorite by Erik L'Homme, but I'll also mention Les Maîtres des brisants, which is a fantasy space opera with a pirate steampunk(?) vibe. I think it's steampunk. I could be mistaken. But it's in that vein. It's also middle grade, in my opinion not as good, but it could just be that it came out when I was older.

Another one is Phaenomen, which was a deliberate attempt at skewing older (though still YA). This one is set in our (then-)modern world and centers a group of teens who happen to have supernatural powers. I guess the best way to describe it is a superhero thriller? If you take "superhero" in the sense of "people with individualized powers", since they don't really do a lot of heroing.

...I really need to brush up on genre terminology, don't I.

The Ji series by Pierre Grimbert

This one is actually adult fantasy, though it definitely falls under "probably outdated". It is very straight, for starters, and I'd have to give it another read to give a more critical reading of how it handles race (it attempts to do it, and is well meaning, but I'm not sure it survives the test of time & scrutiny, basically).

If I haven't lost you already, the premise is this: a few generations ago, a weird man named Nol gathered emissaries from each nation of the world and took them to a trip to the titular Ji island. Nobody knows what went down here, but now in the present day, someone is trying to kill off all descendants from those emissaries, who are as a result forced to team up and figure out what's going on.

I'm not going to spoil past that, though I will say it has (surprise) a really unique magic system! I guess you can start to piece together what my younger self was interested in. Which, admittedly, I still am.

Once again, this one also has a strong cast of characters, helped by rich world building and the premise forcing the characters to come from many different cultures (though, again, I can't vouch for the handling of race because it's been too long).

The first series is complete by itself, though it has two sequel series as well, each focusing on the next generation in these families. Because yes, of course they all pair up and have kids. Like I said: very straight.

A whole lot of books by Jean-Louis Fetjaine

OFetjaine is a historian, and I guess he's really interested in Arthurian mythos especially, because he loves it so much he's written two separate high fantasy retellings of them! I'm not criticizing, mind you, we all need a hobby.

The former, the Elves trilogy (pictures above) is very traditional high fantasy. Elves, dwarves, orcs, a world which is definitely fictionalized with a pan-Celtic vibe to it. The holy grail and excalibur are around, but they're relics possessed by the elves and dwarves with very different powers than usual. Et cetera.

Fetjaine also really loves his elves (as the titles might imply), and while they're not exactly Tolkien elves, there's a similar vibe to them. If you like Tolkien and his elf boner, you'll probably like this too. And conversely, if that turns you off, these books probably also won't work for you.

This series also has a prequel trilogy, centered around the backstory of one of the main characters. I...honestly don't remember too much about it, but I liked it, so, there you go, I guess.

I said Fetjaine did it twice. The other series is the Merlin duology, which, as the title implies, is a retelling of Merlin's story. Note that Merlin is also in the other trilogy, but it's a different Merlin; like I said, completely different continuities and stories.

This one is historical fantasy, so it's set in actual Great Britain, and Fetjaine attempts to connect Arthur to a "real" historical figure...but, you know, Merlin is also half-elf and elves totally exist in Brocéliande, so, you know. History.

Okay, that's probably enough fantasy, let me give some classics too.

L'Arbre des possibles et autres histoires - Bernard Werber

Bernard Werber is a pretty seminal author of French sci-fi and I should probably be embarrassed that the only book of his that I read was for school, but, it is a really good one, so I'll include it anyway.

It's a novella collection, and when I say "sci-fi" I want to make it clear that it's very old school science fiction. It's more Frankenstein or Black Mirror than Star Trek, what we in French call the anticipation genre of science fiction: you take one piece of technology or cultural norm and project it into the future.

It has a pretty wide range of topics and tones, so it's bound to have some better than others. My personal faves were Du pain et des jeux, where football (non-American) has evolved into basically a wargame, and Tel maître, tel lion, where any animal is considered acceptable as a pet, no matter how absurd it is to keep as a pet. They're both on a comedic end, but there's more heartfelt stuff too.

L'Ecume des Jours - Boris Vian

(no cover because I can't find the one I have, and the ones I find are ugly)

This book is surrealist. Like, literally a part of the surrealist movement. It features things such as a lilypad growing inside a woman's lungs (and, as you well know, lilypads double in size every day, wink wink), the protagonist's apartment becoming larger and smaller to go with his mood and current financial situation, and more that I can't even recall at the moment because remembering this book is like trying to remember having an aneurysm.

It is also really, really fun and touching. Oh, and it has a pretty solid movie adaptation, starring Audrey Tautou, who I think an international audience would probably recognize from Amelie or the Da Vinci Code movie.

I don't really know what else to say. It's a really cool read!

Le Roi se meurt - Eugène Ionesco

Ionesco is somewhat famous worldwide so I wasn't even sure to include him here. He's a playwright who wrote in the "Theater of the Absurd" movement, and this play is part of that.

The premise of this play is that the King (of an unnamed land) is dying, and the land is dying with him. I don't really know what else to say. It's theater of the absurd. It kind of has to be experienced (the published version works fine, btw, no need to track down an actual performance, in my humble opinion).

The Plague - Albert Camus

You've probably heard of this one, and if you haven't, let me tell you about a guy called Carlos Maza

youtube

I'm honestly more including this book out of a sense of duty. The other three are books I genuinely liked and happen to be classics. This book was an awful read. But, um. It's kind of relevant now in a way it wasn't (or didn't feel, anyway) back in 2008 or 2009, when I read it. And I don't just mean because of our own plague, since Camus's plague is pretty famously an allegory for fascism, which my teenage self sneered at, and my adult self really regrets every feeling that way.

Okay, finally, some more lighthearted stuff, we gotta talk about the Belgian and French art of bande dessinée. How is it different from comic books or manga? Functionally, it isn't. It really comes down more to what gets published in the Belgian-French industry compared to the American comics industry, which is dominated by superheroes, or the Japanese manga industry, which, while I'm less familiar with it, I know has some big genre trends as well that are completely separate.

The Lanfeust series - Arleston and Tarquin

This is a YA mega-series, and I can't recommend all of it because I've lost track of the franchise's growth. Also note that I say "YA", but in this case it means something very different from an American understanding of YA. These books are pretty full of sex.

No, when I say YA I mean it has that level of maturity, for better or worse. The original series (Lanfeust de Troy) is high fantasy in a world where everyone has an individual magical ability but two characters find out they're gifted with an absolute power to make anything happen, and while it gets dark at times, it's still very lighthearted throughout, and the humor is...well, I think it's best described as teen boy humor. And it has a tendency to objectify its female characters, as you'll quickly parse out from the one cover I used here or if you browse more covers.

But still, it holds a special place in my heart, I guess. And on my shelves.

The sequel series, Lanfeust des Etoiles, turns it into a space opera, and goes a little overboard with the pop culture reference at times, though overall still maintains that balance of serious/at times dark story and lighthearted comedy.

After that the franchise is utter chaos to me, and I've lost track. I know there was another sequel series, which I dropped partway through, and a spinoff that retold part of the original series from the PoV of the main love interest (in the period of time she spent away from the main group). There was a comedy spin-off about the troll species unique to this world, a prequel series, probably more I don't even know exist.

Les Démons d'Alexia

Something I can probably be a little less ashamed of including here.

Some backstory here. The Editions Dupuis are a giant of the Belgian bande dessinée industry, and for many, many years I was subscribed to their weekly magazine. That magazine was (mostly) made up of excerpts from the various books that the éditions were publishing at the time; those that were made of comic strips would usually get a couple pages of individual scripts, while the ongoing narratives got cut into episodes that were a few pages long (out of a typical 48 page count for a single BD album). Among those were this series.

For the first few volumes, I wasn't super into this series, probably because I was a little too young and smack dab in the middle of my "trying to be one of the boys" phase. But around book 3 I got really invested, to the point where I own the second half of the series because I had canceled by subscription by then but still wanted to know more.

Alexia is an exorcist with unusual talents, but little control, who's introduced to a group that specializes in researching paranormal phenomena, solving cases that involve the paranormal, that kinda stuff.

As a result of the premise, the series has a pretty slow start since it has to build up mystery around the source of Alexia's powers, but once it gets going and we get to what is essentially the series' main conflict, it gets really interesting.

Plus, witches. I'm a simple gay who likes strong protagonists and witches.

Murena

There was a point where my mtyhology nerdery led me to look for more stuff about the historical cultures that created them, and so I'd be super into stuff set in ancient Rome (I'd say "or Greece or Egypt" but let's face it, it was almost always Rome).

Murena is a series set just before the start of Emperor Nero's rule. You know, the one who was emperor when Rome burned, and according to urban legend either caused the fire or played the fiddle while it did (note: "fiddle" is a very English saying, it's usually the lyre in other languages). He probably didn't, it probably was propaganda, but he was a) a Roman Emperor, none of whom were particularly stellar guys and b) mean to Christians, who eventually got to rewrite history. So he's got a bad rep.

The series goes for a very historical take on events, albeit fictionalized (the protagonist and main PoV, the titular Lucius Murena, is himself fictional) and attempts to humanize the people involved in those events. Each book also includes some of the sources used to justify how events and characters are depicted, which is a nice touch.

It's also divided in subseries called "cycles" (books 1-4, 5-8 and the ongoing one starts at 9). I stopped after 9, though I think it's mostly a case of not going to bookstores often anymore. Plus it took four years between 9 and 10, and again between 10 and 11. But the first eight books made for a pretty solid story that honestly felt somewhat concluded as is, so it's a good place to start.

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