#But it's kind of nice to see how much I've improved in the last couple of years

[sophieswundergarten]

.

#Holy cow #I found my first forgotten attempt at fanfiction the other day #AND I WROTE IT IN FIRST PERSON #I'm gagging over whatever on earth this abomination is #(It's not MBS in case anyone's wondering) #I just kind of forgot I had this hidden somewhere #But it's kind of nice to see how much I've improved in the last couple of years #SUCH AS REALISING THAT FIRST PERSON IS A GARBAGE WAY TO WRITE #Not that I think anyone who does that is bad #I just don't like it for my own writing #But man was that weird #I see now why you guys do these nothing posts with rambles in the tags #It's kind of nice to have a release #I need to write more about Sticky #I want to #But it's on the list with my Cannonball fic and Wolf 359 ideas and also that Enlil fic I'm supposed to be working on right now #Yeesh Sophie chill out #Okay. #I'm going to take a deep breath now #Sorry to anyone who read this #Love you #I hope you're having a good day #rambles

[anipgarden]

Things to Do that Aren't Related to Growing Plants

This is my second post in a series I’ll be making on how to increase biodiversity on a budget! I’m not an expert--just an enthusiast--but I hope something you find here helps! 

Some of us just don’t have much luck when it comes to growing plants. Some of us simply want to aim for other ways to help that don’t involve putting on gardening gloves. Maybe you've already got a garden, but you want to do more. No problem! There’s a couple of options you can look into that’ll help attract wildlife in your area without even having to bring out any shovels!

Provide a Water Source

Oftentimes when I see ‘add a water source’ in informational articles about improving your backyard for wildlife, it’s almost always followed by an image of a gorgeous backyard pond with a waterfall and rock lining that looks expensive to set up, difficult to maintain, and overall just… not feasible for me. Arguably, not feasible for a lot of people. And that’s okay! There’s still ways to add water in your garden for all kinds of creatures to enjoy!

There’s tons of ways to create watering stations for insects like bees and butterflies. A self refilling dog bowl can work wonders! Add some stones into the receiving tray for insects to land on or use to climb out, and you’ve got a wonderful drinking spot for all kinds of insects! You can also fill a saucer or other dish with small stones and fill it, though it’ll likely need refilling daily or even several times a day during hot times. 

I've seen people online use all kinds of things to make water features. Some go with terra-cotta pots, pebbles, and a cheap pump to get a small and simple fountain. Others use old tires, clay, and a hole in the ground to create an in-ground mini pond system. If all else fails, even a bucket or watertight box with a few plants in it can do the trick--though do be wary of mosquitoes if the water isn’t moving. In situations like these, a solar-powered fountain pump or bubbler are great for keeping the water moving while still making it a drinking option for wildlife (it not even more appealing for some)--and these items can be obtained fairly cheap online!

Bird baths are an option as well--a classic way to provide for birds in your area, they can be easy to find online or in a gardening store! The only downside is that a good, quality bird bath can be pricey up-front. However, a nice stone bird bath should last a long time, be easy to clean and refill, and be enjoyed by many birds! I’ve also seen tutorials on how to make your own with quickcrete! Bird baths will be a welcome sight to birds, as they provide a space for them to drink and bathe to regulate the oils in their feathers for flight and insulation. Putting a stone in the middle will also help insects to escape if they fall in, and provide a place to perch so they can get their own drink. You’ll want to change the water and clean the baths regularly--as often as once a week, if you can manage it.

If possible, it’s highly encouraged to fill and refill water features with rainwater instead of tap water. Tap water is often treated, so instead of using hoses or indoor kitchen water, collecting some rainwater is a great alternative. Collecting rainwater can be as simple as leaving cups, bins, or pots outside for awhile.

Butterflies and other creatures will also drink from mud puddles. If you can maintain an area of damp soil mixed with a small amount of salt or wood ash, this can be fantastic for them! Some plants also excel at storing water within their leaves and flowers (bromeliads come to mind), making them an excellent habitat for amphibians as well as a drinking spot for insects and birds.

Bird Feeders and Bird Houses

Some of the fancy, decorated bird feeders are expensive, but others can be pretty low-cost--I got my bird feeder from Lowe’s for around 10 dollars, and a big bag of birdseed was around another 10 dollars and has lasted several refills! If you don’t mind occasionally buying more birdseed, a single birdfeeder can do a lot to attract and support local birds! If you’re handy, have some spare wood, and have or can borrow some tools, you may even be able to find instructions online to make your own feeder. You may not even need wood to do so! Even hummingbird feeders, I’ve found, are quick to attract them, as long as you keep them stocked up on fresh sugar water in the spring and summer!

An important note with bird feeders is that you have to make sure you can clean them regularly. Otherwise, they may become a vector for disease, and we want to avoid causing harm whenever possible. Also keep an ear out and track if there’s known outbreaks of bird diseases in your area. If local birding societies and scientists are advising you take your birdfeeders down for awhile, by all means, do it!

Bird houses are naturally paired with bird feeders as biodiversity promoters for backyard spaces, and it makes sense. Having bird houses suited to birds in your area promotes them to breed, raise their young, disperse seeds, and generally engage in your surrounding environment. Setting them up takes careful selection or construction, preparation, and some patience, but sooner or later you might get some little homemakers! Keep in mind, you will need to clean your birdhouses at least once a year (if not once per brood) to make sure they’re ready and safe for birds year after year--you wouldn’t want to promote disease and parasites, after all. But they could be a valuable option for your landscape, whether you purchase one or construct your own! 

Again, do make sure you're putting up the right kind of boxes for the right kinds of birds. Bluebird boxes are some I see sold most commonly, but in my area I believe they're not even all that common--a nesting box for cardinals or chickadees would be far more likely to see success here! And some birds don't even nest in boxes--robins and some other birds are more likely to use a nesting shelf, instead! Research what birds live in your area, take note of any you see around already, and pick a few target species to make homes for!

Solitary Bee Houses

A bee house or bee hotel is a fantastic way to support the solitary bees in your area! For a few dollars and some annual cleaning, you can buy a solitary bee house from most big box nurseries. Alternatively, you can make one at home, with an array of materials you may already have lying around! You can even make them so that they’ll benefit all kinds of insects, and not necessarily just bees.

Though you don’t even necessarily have to break out the hammer and nails, buy a ton of bricks, or borrow a staple gun. Making homes for tunneling bees can be as simple as drilling holes in a log and erecting it, or drilling holes in stumps and dead trees on your property. You might even attract some woodpeckers by doing this!

Providing Nesting Area

There are tons of different kinds of bees, and they all make different kinds of homes for themselves. Not all of them make big cavity hives like honey bees, or will utilize a solitary bee house. Bumblebees live in social hives underground, particularly in abandoned holes made by rodents--some others nest in abandoned bird nests, or cavities like hollow logs, spaces between rocks, compost piles, or unoccupied birdhouses. Borer, Ground, and Miner bees dig into bare, dry soil to create their nests. Sparsely-vegetated patches of soil in well-drained areas are great places to find them making their nests, so providing a similar habitat somewhere in the garden can encourage them to come! I do talk later in this document about mulching bare soil in a garden--however, leaving soil in sunny areas and south-facing slopes bare provides optimal ground nesting habitat. Some species prefer to nest at the base of plants, or loose sandy soil, or smooth-packed and flat bare ground. They’ve also been known to take advantage of soil piles, knocked over tree roots, wheel ruts in farm roads, baseball diamonds and golf course sand traps. You can create nesting ground by digging ditches or creating nesting mounds in well-drained, open, sunny areas with sandy or silty soil. However, artificially constructed ground nests may only have limited success. 

Providing Alternative Pollinator Foods

Nectar and pollen aren’t the only foods sought out by some pollinators! Some species of butterflies are known to flock to overripe fruit or honey water, so setting these out can be an excellent way to provide food to wildlife. You may want to be cautious about how you set these out, otherwise it can help other wildlife, like ants or raccoons. Butterflies may also drop by to visit a sponge in a dish of lightly salted water. 

Bat Houses and Boxes

Big or small, whether they support five bats or five hundred, making bat boxes and supporting local bats is a great way to boost biodiversity! Not only will they eat mosquitoes and other pest species, but you may also be able to use the guano (bat droppings) as fertilizer! Do be careful if you choose to do that though--I’ve never had the opportunity to, so do some research into how strong it is and use it accordingly.

Provide Passageway Points

If you want your area to be more accessible for creatures that can’t fly or climb fences, allowing or creating access points can be an excellent way to give them a way in and out. Holes in the bottom of walls or fences can be sheltered with plants to allow animals through. 

In a somewhat similar manner, if you’re adding a water fixture, it’s important to provide animals a way to get into and out of the pond--no way in, and they can’t use the water. No way out, and they may drown. Creating a naturalistic ramp out of wood beams or sticks, or stepped platforms out of bricks, stones, or logs can do the trick. 

Get or Keep Logs and Brush Piles

I’ve already mentioned logs a good handful of times so far in this post. To be used as access ramps, or as nesting areas for solitary bees. But they have value as much more than that! Logs on the ground provide shelter for all kinds of animals, especially depending on size--anything from mice, reptiles, and amphibians to things like turkey vultures and bears will use fallen logs as shelter. Inside of a decaying log, there’s a lot of humidity, so amphibians are big fans of them--meanwhile, the upper sides of them can be used as sunning platforms by things like lizards. Other animals can also use the insides of logs as nest sites and hiding places from predators too big to fit inside. Fungi, spiders, beetles, termites, ants, grubs, worms, snails, slugs, and likely much more can be found inside rotting logs, using the rotting wood as food sources or nesting places. They can then provide food for mammals, amphibians, reptiles, and birds. They can also be regarded as a landmark or territory marker as wildlife get more familiar with your space.

So how do you get logs for cheap? Try Chip Drop! I talk about them more in a future post, but you can mark saying that you’d like logs in your drop, so they’ll give you any they have! In fact, you may even get a drop faster if you're willing to accept some logs. You may also be able to approach arborists you see working in your area and ask for logs. There may also be local online listings for people selling logs for cheap, or just trying to get rid of them. If there’s land development going on near you, you may be able to snag logs from trees they cut down to make space. Do keep in mind, you don’t need to have huge gigantic logs laying around your property to make an impact--even small logs can help a lot.

If possible, creating and leaving brush piles on the edge of your property can be a great boost to biodiversity--even if you may not see the wildlife using it. They’ll provide shelter from weather and predators, and lower portions are cool and shady for creatures to avoid the hot sun. The upper layers can be used as perch sites and nest sites for song birds, while lower layers are resting sites for amphibians and reptiles, and escape sites for many mammals. As the material decays, they also attract insects, and as such they’ll attract insect-eating animals too. As more small animals find refuse in your brush pile, their predators will be attracted to them as well. Owls, hawks, foxes, and coyotes are known to visit brush piles to hunt. Making a brush pile can be as simple as piling branches and leaves into a mound, as big or as small as you want. You can even use tree stumps or old fence posts near the base, and keep stacking on plant trimmings and fallen branches. Do note that you don’t want to do this near anything like a fire pit.

Don't forget, with all of these, your mileage may vary for any variation of reasons, so don't worry if you can't take all of even any of these actions! Even just talking about them with other people may inspire someone else to put out a bat box, or leave a few logs out for wildlife!

That's the end of this post! My next post is gonna be about ways to get seeds and plants as cheaply as possible. For now, I hope this advice helps! Feel free to reply with any questions, success stories, or anything you think I may have forgotten to add in!

#biodiversity #solarpunk #environmental stewardship #gardening #outdoor gardening #(i know this is literally the Dont Gotta Garden post but these could also be excellent additions to a preexisting garden so) #ani rambles #out of queue #the biodiversity saga #here in the tags to once again emphasize your mileage may vary with all of these #my mom is scared of bats theres no way in hell shes gonna let me put up a bat box #but I have been able to put out a shallow bird bath and a little solarpowered hummingbird bath fountain #do what you can! every bit counts! You may be able to do something that I or your neighbors can't! #for example my nextdoor neighbors have literally no trees in their backyard where the hell would they put a bat box #meanwhile i have trees in my backyard but still can't put up a bat box. maybe the neighbors next to me could! #similarly brush piles are a no go for my family but someone somewhere else could set one up! #i am rambling in the tags now uh long story short do what you can don't stress about what you can't

[dreambunnynotes]

daily reflection: nov. 16th ❤︎

good morning lovely friends! here is what i accomplished and what i could have improved today, to hold myself accountable. it was really effective for me to know that i had posted my goals list on tumblr yesterday where others could see it; whenever i felt like giving in to my adhd brain that tells me that tasks are to be feared, i would simply remember that i had kind folks online who were interested in seeing me succeed hehe, it helped me so much! here is my first day ❤︎

accomplishments:

i completed all of my cleaning goals and more! it turned into a deeper clean than i thought it would be which felt really nice (and is usually how it goes once i get cleaning). it's so lovely to be able to start fresh with a clean working and sleeping space; it's so much easier to feel inspired, be productive, and take care of yourself when your environment is as ready for you as you are for it!

i wasn't going to complete all of my texting and calling tasks, BUT I DID! these types of tasks are the hardest for me to get done because i have pretty intense social anxiety and rejection sensitive dysphoria, and communicating with others both online and offline takes a lot of mental preparation and energy for me. but i did it, and i am so, so proud of myself! in fact...

self-compassion:

not only did i accomplish my original communication goals, i also ended up replying to two friends i hadn't seen in a long time, even though i was anxious! both of them were at my sister's show last night and i was so surprised to see them and a couple of other friends that i had to go have a bathroom cry from the anxiety lol. i had so many emotions coming up; the first was sadness and shame seeing that they had all come in a group together and that i wasn't with them. i joined them two seconds after i saw everyone, but the sadness was still there because i was positive they would have invited me into the group earlier if i had been less isolated this last year, which is where the guilt came in. i realized i had been isolating from my friends for so long out of fear that i wasn't wanted, didn't provide anything to them, and that maybe i didn't have people i liked being around after all, but that is so, so far from the truth; i do have friends who love me and who i love, and all of them were so loving, so kind, and actually sent me messages after the show telling me how much they loved me and how happy they were to see me! it made me cryyyy and feel so many feelings. i have plans to see them next week, and i actually feel like i'm overcoming my isolation era at long last; i'm really proud of myself for having self-compassion and using tools i've learned in therapy to better my life! :')

my next step is to learn more about and overcome this shame i have around letting my friends love me for who i am; the only way to learn more about it is to actually make plans to see friends and be vulnerable; wish me luck 😭💗

improvements to make:

as for my other tasks; i cleaned out one of my emails, but i have so many email accounts that it felt a little bit lacklustre to call that an accomplishment. today i'd like to break down how big the task of consolidating my digital life will actually be so that i can take measurable and consistent steps towards completing my goal (writing that sentence is baffling me right now - bunny from a few days ago never would have realized how much writing out her goals could help her in being less afraid of them! this feels like a huge accomplishment for my adhd brain!)

today felt like a really successful day, and i'm super proud of myself! this was only the beginning of what i actually want to accomplish in a day, but it was such a great way to try it out. i'm excited to see where this journey takes me and how these daily checklists and reflections will affect my productivity; they already have helped so much! if you've made it to the end of this, thank you for taking the time to read about my day, it means so much to me! lets try our best to have another successful day! ❤︎

#bunny's daily diary ✨💕🌷 #becoming that girl #dream girl #dream life #girlblogging #glow up #it girl #productivity #that girl #pink pilates girl #pink pilates princess #clean girl #self improvement #self care

[umlewis]

lewis hamilton is interviewed after fp2, bahrain - february 29, 2024 (transcript under the cut)

Interviewer: "Lewis, great to see you. It looks, from the time sheets, as a really positive day. Did it feel like that behind the wheel?" Lewis: "Yeah. This has been a crazy Friday. I was late this morning and… Yeah, P1, we were surprised. It was very, very windy this morning, so it was a really difficult session, I think, for everyone. The track was so different compared to practice last week. But yeah, otherwise it was feeling okay, but we didn't really know where we stood on the C2 tire, and then in this session, yeah, the car… We made some ipmrovements over the session. Again, I don't understand… It's a shock to see us where we are, but we'll take it for now. But we can't get ahead of ourselves. We need to keep our heads down, keep working on the setup and try and extract more. I think our long run pace is nowhere near the Red Bulls, for example, and I think we're all a lot closer, so we've got some work to do there." Interviewer: "Are you feeling more comfortable, say, in the car, just generally? Are you feeling like you can extract a little bit more? I know we've only done a couple sessions of practice, but given how bad last year was at times, can you kind of see that difference?" Lewis: "Yeah, I'm much happier with the car this year. My seat position is finally further rearwards. I've got a better feel for the car, approaching the corners. But there are other areas that have been fixed and improved and it just makes it feel… It feels like a racecar, for once, and the last two cars didn't feel like that, so it's a really good platform for us to work on and we've just got to keep our heads down and keep on chasing." Interviewer: "I know you said the long runs didn't feel quite as good, maybe, as the Red Bulls. Do you know kind of where you might want to try and work on overnight, just to try and shut that gap for the rest of the weekend?" Lewis: "I do. In terms of achieving it, I don't know how, necessarily, with the new car… Like with a new car, you have all new tools. Everything's been redesigned, and so all the previous numbers and names for things are completely shifted, so you're learning a whole new vocabulary when it comes to the car setup. And we've tested some of them, but not all of them, 'cause we only had a day and a half. But yeah, we'll have to see. I hope that we can make a step. I got a bit of an idea, but I don't know how to achieve that yet, currently, with the setup changes without effecting the other side of things-so a single lap, lightweight-so we'll see." Interviewer: "If you find all the right direction, do you think you can be in the mix this weekend for the podium?" Lewis: "I think we're gonna be in the mix. I think it's a bit too early to say, but I think we're there or thereabouts with Ferrari and maybe Aston and McLaren. I don't know exactly where we lay with those guys, but we're around those, so it's gonna be a nice battle with us. I think if Max is in the front he will be rough, as he has done for the last couple of years."

#lewis hamilton #f1 #formula 1 #bahrain gp 2024 #fic ref #fic ref 2024 #bahrain #bahrain 2024 #bahrain 2024 thursday #tw max

[poledancingdinos]

You’ve Got Me Hooked - Chapter 7

Pairing: Captain Syverson x OFC (Riley McKenzie)

Word count: 2.7k

Warnings: Sex work, Stripper, OnlyFans, Strip Club, Lap dance, Alcohol, F Masturbation, Angst

Catch up: Series Masterlist

Taglist: @amberangel112 @utterlyhopeful-fics @marantha @kebabgirl67 @littleone65 @omgkatinka @luclittlepond @marytudorbrandon @enchantedbytomandhenry @foxyjwls007 @peaches1958 @identity2212 @summersong69 @liecastillo @islacharlotte @evansabove1981

A/N: If you want to be added or removed from my taglist, let me know!​

Divider by @firefly-graphics​​

Masterlist

Riley (5 hours earlier)

I spent the last several days working on my proposal for Don. This is more than just an advertising project. Don seems to think he will need a significant investment in order to really make a lasting effect on his business and keep the place afloat and I’m pained to say that I have to agree with him.

Yesterday I called around and got quotes from various contractors in Atlanta and the neighboring towns to run a proper analysis and I think we can make this work if we take it one step at a time.

Don and I agreed on the top three most important improvements to make on the garage and then made a list of the "nice to haves". I don't want Don taking out a personal loan any bigger than it has to be and I'm hoping the extra income from the urgent improvements will allow him to eventually tackle the rest of the project list.

I've done the math three times now and it always turns out the same. If they keep going like they are, Don will have to close up by the end of the year. He asked me to keep that little detail between the two of us though since Sy apparently doesn't know how dire the situation is.

I prepare the folder with all my notes, designs and the various contractor quotes and pack it in my bag by the door.

I have a few hours before Sy gets home and before I have to leave for work. I hadn’t really planned to film today but I guess I could get ready at home and film something before heading off to the club.

I do all my makeup and change into an outfit that, with any luck, will attract attention without getting my videos blocked on Tiktok. I’ve just gotten my account back up and running after the last time I was reported.

I film enough to splice together a few posts then change my makeup and my outfit to something a little more bold and repeat the whole process. Hopefully, no one will notice that everything was filmed the same day.

The big problem is that I don’t have a video to post to OnlyFans tonight because I worked double shifts at the diner all week on top of the work for the garage. Not posting might make me lose over a hundred dollars of tips and subscriptions which I really can’t afford.

With a sigh, I pull out my good camera and set up the tripod in its usual spot. I dig through the box of toys I keep hidden in my closet and decide on a small bullet vibrator and a pink realistic-shaped dildo. It’s nice and veiny like I picture Sy’s cock would be. God that makes me sound like a creepy stalker, doesn’t it?

I feel like those girls in high school who have a crush on a male teacher. When we talked about his ex-girlfriend, I could tell how much he longed for a different life, one where he could have a house with a white picket fence, a wife to kiss when comes home and a couple of mini Syversons running around and raising hell. He deserves to have everything he dreams of.

Sy’s already had an entire career in the army and now he has his new job at the garage. I’m a failed marketing assistant with mountains of debt and the only relationship I’ve ever been in lasted all of two months back in college.

I know I can’t be with Sy. I’ve done my best in the weeks since he’s moved in to keep him out of my head but seeing him with his shirt off the other day? That left me all hot and bothered in the kitchen. Just thinking about it now has my stomach fluttering with interest. Why does he have to be handsome, kind and caring?

I start my recording and stand in front of the camera so my body is visible from my lips to my mid thigh. I squeeze my breasts for the camera as I welcome the audience with a dirty introduction. I dart my tongue out, wetting my lips before blowing a kiss to the lens, then walk backwards toward the bed.

I get on my knees, facing the camera while wearing nothing but lacy black underwear. I grab the bullet and run it slowly over my breasts. When I reach my nipple, the sudden intense sensation makes me hiss. I close my eyes and imagine it’s Sy’s tongue teasing me rather than a little piece of battery-powered plastic.

In my fantasies he’d wait until I was soaked and begging before even getting anywhere near my pussy. I wonder how his beard would feel on my skin or between my thighs. I bet it would be rough but that the scratching would only add to the sensation.

I switch positions getting on my back and reach for the dildo. With my knees pulled up and my legs spread wide, I tease the tip through my folds. I beg out loud, telling the viewer behind the camera how much I need their cock even though there is only one man in the world that I truly want in my bed.

The dildo I’m using is the biggest I have but it’s by no means enormous. It’s a modest seven inches and no more than an inch and a half thick. I push the tip into my cunt and moan at the intrusion. I picture Sy’s wide body above mine, whispering his dirty desires in my ear and praising how well I’m taking him. After I get used to the girth, I turn the bullet back on and hold it against my clit.

My eyes are still closed and my thighs quiver violently when I pump the dildo, relentlessly against my G-spot. Sometimes I make it last, pulling back every time I’m close to my peak and denying myself until I can’t hold it anymore. Right now, I’m too pent up to stop when I start teetering over the edge.

Sy’s deep southern drawl echoes in my head. “Takin’ my cock so well. Be a good girl and come for me.” The imaginary words are my undoing. I fall apart and I almost call out Sy’s name but manage to turn it into a moan before it’s too late.

Fuck, that was so intense that I feel droplets of sweat running down between my breasts and the evidence of my release dripping on the bedsheets below me. Shit. I’m going to have to shower before I get to the club.

I look at the clock by my side and my eyes go wide when I realize that I’m absolutely going to be late by the time I make my post. I don’t technically have to be at the club before opening, I just choose to get there that early to get opening credit. Getting there later tonight will mean paying an extra sixty for house but it’s better than if I hadn’t had anything to post tonight.

I jump out of bed, turning off the camera and dropping my toys in the sink to deal with later. I rip off my wig and carefully pack it in my bag. Hopefully the curls will be fine and I won’t have to redo them at the club.

I just recently started working at this club but I’m lucky because my online reputation precedes me. They contacted me on social media, inviting me to come work with them without the usual audition process. What they really want is the free advertising that I can provide if I post about their club on my page.

Nevertheless, I tried it out. The girls were welcoming and the house rules were similar to what I am used to so it was an easy match. The fact that it’s in Atlanta also means we get clients with deeper pockets. I have yet to post about it publicly but if I choose to make it a permanent part of my work week, I will definitely be inviting my followers over.

I’m especially happy about the special performances they hold for birthdays. The birthday package doesn’t actually require it to be the person’s real birthday. As long as someone shells out the cash, the owners don’t much care who is on stage. It’s expensive enough that it doesn’t happen every night which helps keep the appeal alive for the regulars. One of the clubs I performed at in Vegas used to make the lucky guest strip down to their underwear in front of everyone so the version of the show that we perform is actually tame compared to some I’ve been a part of in the past.

Tonight, I am intent on making the performance memorable because I haven’t worked the room beforehand. I got here just in time for the floor manager to put me on stage. There are a lot of girls working on weekend nights and the competition makes it harder to earn good money. Most of them already have regulars in this club which is an added level of difficulty for me.

The outfit I brought with me for the evening just so happened to scream “I make men like you bow and lick my boots” which is perfect for the situation. Sugar is playing the role for the first time and her inexperience shows in the tentativeness of her strikes. I tell her to really go for it but even then, the spank is more of a gentle tap so I offer to show her how it’s done. The man at our feet flinches and groans but he doesn’t use the safeword we gave him. He takes his ten strikes and earns his reward.

With the bright stage lights, I don’t notice Sy sitting in the audience until it’s too late. The look on his face when we lock eyes perplexes me. He looks… guilty, maybe even ashamed but he doesn’t seem surprised.

I don’t miss the way Kira is perched on his lap or the kiss she gives him as she leaves. I am very much ignoring the wave of possessive jealousy the kiss instills in me when in the blink of an eye, the man behind Sy pushes him to his feet and practically drags him out while a younger man runs after them.

I don’t have time to wonder what’s wrong, not with four hungry looking men waving bills in my face. I’m busy dancing for the birthday boy when the younger man comes back to the booth. Alone.

The birthday boy’s friends aren’t subtle about following me online or subscribing to my OnlyFans. I do my best to keep in character until it’s time to move on to other customers but as uncomfortable as the extra attention makes me, it ends up being a blessing. After other patrons hear me being called a “pornstar”, I get asked for more bed dances than I’ve done in all my months as a stripper combined.

I take my time removing my wig and makeup after the club closes. I’m the last to leave and I can tell the bouncer is annoyed at having to wait for me before he can finally call it a night. When I tell him I’m ready, he locks the backdoor behind us and walks me to my piece of shit car. Once I’m safely on the road home, the weight of this evening’s event comes crashing down on me. When I make it up the stairs to my front door, I feel like I’m about to burst into tears.

I freeze on the fourth floor landing, clutching my keys in my hand with the other wrapped tightly around the strap of my duffle bag. I know Sy is home, his truck was parked in his spot. It’s well past 4 am and logically, I know he is most likely asleep but some part of me is worried that he might have stayed up. Worse, some part of me wishes that he’s stayed up thinking about me.

“Fuck, I can’t do this.”

I turn around and run down the stairs. I get back in the car and scroll through the names in my contact list. I select a number for another waitress from the diner who does the opening shift and lift the phone to my ear.

“Riley? What are you doing up at this time on your day off?” 

“I just got off at my other job and I… I must have dropped my house keys in the breakroom without noticing. I can pick them up when I go in for my shift later but for now, do you think I can come sleep at yours?”

I hate lying to Kathy but I’m not ready to talk about what happened nor am I willing to tell her about my secret night job.

“Oh honey, sure. It might be a little noisy once the kids wake up though.”

“That’s fine. You’re doing me a big favor, I promise to cover for you the next time you have a family emergency.”

She laughs on the other end of the line. “I won’t say no to that. Come on over, I’ll leave the side door unlocked if you don’t make it before I leave.”

I thank her again then hang up and put my car in drive. I pull up in front of her house just as she walks down the front lawn.

“Guest bed is ready for you. Upstairs, last one on the left.”

“Thank you, have a good shift.”

She waves as she drives off and I climb the stairs as quietly as I possibly can. Once I’m safely behind closed doors, I fall face first into the mattress, muffling my sobs in the fluffy pillow until I eventually pass out from exhaustion.

I wake up dazed and confused by my surroundings until I remember that I crashed at Kathy’s for the day. I dig through my bag for my phone only to find that the battery has died when it refuses to turn on. I use the black screen as a mirror to check my appearance and once I’m convinced my bedhead won’t terrify Kathy’s boyfriend, I leave the room in search of a charger.

As it turns out, I was asleep much longer than I thought because I bump into Kathy in the kitchen.

“Hey sleeping beauty, you want some dinner?”

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to stay so late.”

She waves off my apology. “We’re having spaghetti. You can sit next to Kade.”

I want to refuse but my stomach answers for me with an embarrassingly loud growl. I was so busy yesterday that I completely forgot to feed myself. Kathy gets me a charger and we sit down for dinner with her family. It’s nice, her toddler is hilarious and her older daughter can’t stop saying fun facts about animals. Apparently, elephants can’t jump. I have no idea if it's true but it doesn’t matter because it makes me smile.

By the time I leave, it’s too late to stop at home before going to my regular Saturday night club. I quickly look at my phone after pulling into the parking lot and see that I have five missed calls from Sy and two voicemails eight hours apart.

I play the first one which was left at five o’clock this morning.

“Um, hey Riley. I was just callin’ to make sure you’re alright. Ya didn’t come home last night and…” There’s a pause and for a second, I think he might have hung up. “Could ya just send me a text so I know you’re safe? Please?”

The annoying voicemail beep pierces my ears before the next message plays.

“It’s me again.” Sy’s voice in the last message sounded concerned. Now, however, he just sounds pissed. “Just lettin’ ya know that I’ll be back for my things as soon as I get a new place. Keep whatever food’s in the fridge.”

What? I stare at my phone, completely dumbfounded before playing the message again, then again for a third time as if it will magically change the words.

Sy is gone. Sy is gone and it’s all my fault.

Chapter 8

#captainsyverson #captain syverson fic #captain syverson fanfiction #captain syverson fanfic #captain syverson #captain syverson x ofc #cpt syverson x ofc #cpt syverson fanfiction #cpt syverson #cpt syverson fic #cpt syverson fanfic #Henry cavill

[nyarlathotep-thecrawlingchaos]

Update 27 Nov 2023

Things are going good. I don't know for how long, but for now they're going good.

And I'm in a really sappy mood, so probably fuck off if you don't want to cringe.

I just want to say thank you. From the deepest depths of my dark unknowable little heart.

And now I have over six hundred followers, a few fics with well over a thousand reacts, one with almost 4.2k, and my most recent has amassed more than 550 in less than two days. And it's really overwhelming honestly. I don't feel like I deserve this. But I write because I enjoy it, and seeing other people enjoy it just makes me so, so happy. And it's also helped me through a lot of shit I've been dealing with lately.

I decided to bite the bullet a couple months ago, toward the end of September, and start posting my writing publicly for the first time in well over a decade. I was incredibly nervous about it. I was and always have been that introvert kid that got talked into coming to the school dance by her extrovert friends and spent the entire time standing awkwardly off to the side hoping no one would notice I was there. Basically I'm horrible at social interaction, and putting myself out there terrifies me. I know I come across pretty open here, but it's the anonymity. It lets me be me without being freaked out about it. Which is really nice in itself.

As a lot of my mutuals know from my ranting and rambling and venting, the past few months have been pretty horrible for me on the whole. I lost my step-mother in early October, who was honestly one of my best friends, which brought me back to when I lost my mom at sixteen and kind of left me in shambles; and then on top that, my marriage nearly ended over the past week, and is still teetering on the brink, though things are improving at the present where that is concerned. Wrap all that in the ribbon of I'm still getting over the flu after three weeks of being sick, and needless to say...it's been rough.

It's been hell, honestly. It's been one thing after another and I've been reeling, hence the sporadic periods of nonstop posting versus radio silence. But things are starting to stabilize now. I can't say that means that my posting schedule will stabilize, but at the very least, things are stabilizing.

And I just want to thank everyone who has been here through all this stupid insanity. Every last one of you that have offered kindness and support and advice and much needed distractions from reality. I've been an absolute fucking mess, and you all have been just so wonderful and understanding and supportive.

I'm not sure I would have made it through this without you all. I've never in my life experienced this level of support and kindness. And I can't even begin to express how grateful I am for all of you.

Thank you guys. So, so much. I really mean it when I say that I love you all.

Because seriously. I love you all ❤️

[barry-j-blupjeans]

28 "I know I've played with hearts before..." From the song prompts please!

28. “I know I’ve played with hearts before, don’t have the heart to play with yours”

(the prompt is in the Subtext sldfksd. just go with it)

--

Over the past few weeks, since a nasty argument Julia had had with him, Magnus Burnsides had begun to... change. Not in any huge ways, but it was definitely noticeable. His almost non-stop brashness from before faded away little by little. He did his chores with only a good-natured eye roll and for once, he seemed to actually be trying to learn the skills behind his bragging. More than once, Julia had caught him actually working on a project, and not just pretending to work on it. And, not that she was ever going to admit it, but Magnus was kind of killer at wood carving.

He didn't butt heads with her about stupid things anymore. And when Julia suggest something to improve one of his projects, he seemed to take it to heart. Hell, he had even let her show him how to do the hinges on a large chest correctly when Pa wasn't around to help.

Now, instead of being frustrated at his lack of tact and care, Julia was just finding the whole situation weird. He had gone from one extreme to an almost entirely different one. Maybe someone had charmed him? No, probably not. Sometimes, he'd begin to start a typical rebuttal and stop himself halfway, flushing, and continuing in a way with much more authenticity and warmth.

He was being weird. This was not normal Magnus behavior. Normal Magnus behavior gave her a lot more headaches. This Magnus made her chest feel funny and her heart do little flips.

But she had to draw the line at him attempting to cook breakfast for them.

"No," Julia said, standing in the doorway of the kitchen. Magnus turned, wearing an apron that was almost comically too small for him.

"Julia!" he said, smiling. "I made breakfast."

"No," Julia said again, coming further in. She stepped past Magnus to see the burnt crisp of... maybe bacon? in the skillet. She grimaced. "Magnus?"

"Yeah?"

"What the fuck is this?" she asked, picking up the skillet by the handle. It was cold. Why was it cold?

"Breakfast?" Magnus said. "For you and St-"

"No," Julia said again, settling the skillet aside. She turned to Magnus. "Listen, I, uh, I appreciate your effort, I really do. But you really didn't have to."

"I wanted to, though," Magnus said.

"You really didn't have to," Julia repeated. There was a pot on the stove, too, that Julia was afraid to look into. "I can make breakfast and you can clean up if you really wanna help that bad. But this is- ugh. No. Sorry, but no."

"Aw," Magnus said, genuinely looking a little sad. Fuck, Julia didn't want to make him feel bad about it. "I mean, I get it, but still. I tried my best!"

"I'm sure you did," Julia said, gently lifting the pan up and setting it into Magnus's arms, outright refusing to look in. "You do... something with this and I'll make food."

"Right," Magnus said. He took the skillet as well, disappearing out of the kitchen, and Julia sighed, getting started on the new food. He hadn't used all the bacon, but the half a dozen eggs they had last night were now gone. There was oatmeal across the pantry floor. By the time she scrounged together enough food to make a meal for three, Magnus was back, with mysteriously empty cookware. He stepped over to the sink as Julia started on more bacon.

There existed in silence for a few minutes and Julia took a few glances at him out of the corner of his eye. He had changed. A couple of weeks ago, Magnus would have never voluntarily tried to make a meal for anyone more than himself, let alone her. But here he was, cleaning up his mess after his shitty attempt. At least he had tried.

And, apparently, tried his best, too.

"Julia?" Magnus said after a few more minutes. He was attempting to scrub away the charred bacon on the skillet.

"Yes?"

"I was thinking about, uhm, a few weeks ago. When you told me I couldn't be nice even if I tried?"

Ah. Well, Julia had said a lot of much worse things in that argument, but she wasn't going to complain if he didn't mention those.

"I remember," she said evenly.

"And I... well, at first I was like, I'm gonna be the nicest person alive just to prove her wrong," he said. Julia remembered very well the first few days after that argument, where Magnus had passive-aggressively spent his time being nice to her. "But then, as time passed, your words kind of... sunk in a little more. And I realized that you were, uh, you were right. And I was wrong. And that I am an asshole. So. Yeah."

Julia flipped over the bacon, taking her time. When she was done, she turned to see Magnus, soap bubbles halfway up his arms, turning to look at her, too.

"Took you long enough," she said. Her heart did a backflip at his laugh.

#magnulia #magnus burnsides #julia burnsides #julia waxmen #asks #noodyl-blasstal #mine #ise cube writing

[adelle-ein]

engage plot thoughts

Finished Engage, here's my plot thoughts, full spoilers for entire game (my spoiler-light "full review" will be along shortlyish)

So tbh I don't think this is as bad and weak a plot as people were hyping it up to be. In theory the basic idea is actually really good! The issue is like…pacing and how the screentime was divided up. We spend wayyy too long wandering from country to country fighting bandits and then everything of significance is crammed into five chapters.

The plot tries to love its drama but fails to build things up well enough. Veyle only cameos in the early game as a generic Sweet Young Girl, so the big reveal — while it would have been predictable no matter what — just doesn't hit emotionally. Veyle in general just needed more time as a proper deuteragonist. Maybe have Veyle and Alear do a couple solo maps together? They get cornered by Corrupted and fight them off together (with Veyle using a different class and weapons of course), trying to get the player actually attached? Have Veyle hang out with the whole gang in a few longer cutscenes so she feels like part of the team and not a random aside? Maybe have Alear open up to her about Lumera so they have a special connection with her? I just wish they'd done something here. As it is, the only reason to pity Veyle is because she's a young kid being abused, and while of course that's something, she plays such a big plot role and we don't even get to know her as a person. There were definitely better ways, imo, to pull this off. Letting her join your army and leave again intermittently pre-reveal (a la Ninian, maybe) would have improved things.

Getting to the meat of the plot…I very much like that Alear is an adopted Divine Dragon and that this is treated like a good and legitimate thing, to the point of them even gaining physical characteristics of one. If we go through with a real world metaphor, then Lumera loved them enough that they became her "true" family, and that works very well. FE only really ever does found family stuff with its side characters, preferring to focus on Divine True Sacred Bloodlines, and having Alear as a Fell Dragon who became Divine through the power of love and wanting to be "a good dragon" is actually quite nice and helps them feel a little less like a Robin retread. The issue that is unfortunately there is effectively zero buildup to this revelation. Other than Veyle's sibling obviously being Alear, we see no connection between them and Sombron. Alear has a single flashback to 1000 years ago in an early chapter and never again until the reveals start being dropped…in the last handful of chapters. While the single time travel chapter is kinda bizarre, it's a good step from a character perspective, and I wish there was more of that. Why not show more of how they became close to Lumera and how she adopted them? When did they defect, how did that go for then, how did they start calling her their mother? Interspersing flashbacks or hell, even more time travel (as silly as it would have been) throughout the story would have fixed so much of this game's lacking emotional core and let the plot actually work. As it is, it's a good concept that we see barely anything of.

I do disagree with the people insisting that Alear shouldn't have been so upset when Lumera died because they barely know her — they barely know anyone, Lumera has been kind to them and they know she's their mother, they're mourning the possibility of what they lost as much as the actual loss. I dunno, obviously I've never been in that situation, but even if I barely remembered my mother due to total amnesia I think I would still be really upset if she was murdered in front of me and especially if she had died due to using up all her health and strength to protect me. Personally. Feels a bit silly to be defending something like this but yeah. Now I do think her death scene was a bit long and dramatic when a quick sudden death is pretty much always more emotionally effecting, but that's a separate issue. Regardless, the plot hinges so much on Lumera and her relationship with Alear, and we see hardly any of it for some reason. Lumera simply needed a lot more screentime, even posthumously. Hell, let her live for the first half or so of the game, THEN get killed off. It still would have been predictable, but at least we would have gotten to know her.

Alear as the thirteenth Emblem makes sense in a meta way, but it does make me wish that they provided SOME kind of lore as to why and how the Emblems exist. The implication seems to be that the Emblems were created in death separate from their bodies, or when their bodies were already gone? And that all of their worlds exist out there, with Sombron intending to invade them? At the very last minute Marth drops a "btw Emblems are not the same as the actual heroes" but that's pretty much all we get. Idk I'm not looking for a Zelda timeline for all the FE games, I would just like…some kind of lore explanation as to what is up with Emblems and creating new ones. As well as the idea of the new protagonist joining the old ones as an Emblem works on a meta level, we just kinda needed more lore and buildup to make it work. My usual refrain. Personally liked the idea that Elyos was created *by* the rings or is somehow linked to them, because of the way its lore feels like a mashup and homage to so many previous games but…that probably wasn't the intention. Who knows. Fire Emblem. I like that our protagonist *is* the literal Fire Emblem though. Last time it was their *waves hand* blood power, now it's just straight up them.

The Four Hounds show up way too often and only do things in their last few appearances, which is tiring. Constructing them to be semi-likeable from the beginning, and maybe not fighting them and having them easily walk away just fine over and over, would have really improved everything with that subplot. I see what the writers were going for. But they whiffed it.

Alear is fine. They are kinda forgettable and a total dumbass for the first half of the plot, but they do change and grow and become more assertive, which works. They are an actual character, unlike Byleth. And they don't do stupid awful sometimes-evil things and get patted on the back for them a la Corrin. That is all I ask really.

Basically, a mess, but better pacing with more screentime for Veyle and Lumera and more flashbacks on Alear's end could have made it a really nice mess. Alas. I do think, overall, this was a simple but good and heartfelt concept for a plot. The execution was just poor, as usual for FE, and because the plot is so simple it can't hide what a mess it is the way other FE games often do. But I like it better than SOV (I like cat food commercials better than SOV…)

#fire emblem engage spoilers #fe engage spoilers #engage spoilers #fe17 spoilers #fee spoilers #that should cover it? i think? i tried #elyos #txt #lace reviews

[curiouskinetic]

1. WHAT IS YOUR NAME?: "Sora."

2. WHAT IS YOUR REAL NAME?: "Uh... Sora...? What, did you want my last name or something? I don't really use it."

3. DO YOU KNOW WHY YOU’RE CALLED THAT?: "My father once told me he'd named me after the color of my eyes... and he's from Inazuma, so... yeah."

4. ARE YOU SINGLE OR TAKEN?: "It's... it's complicated."

5. WHAT ARE YOUR POWERS AND ABILITIES?: "Well... there are a lot of things I can do, but I can't do all of them perfectly yet. Manipulating and creating water, changing the shape of my body, I can make stuff float... there are a few other things, but like I said-- I'm not that good at them currently. Maybe in a few hundred years I'll improve. I hope...."

6. WHAT COLOR ARE YOUR EYES?: "Light blue."

7. HAVE YOU EVER DYED YOUR HAIR?: "Not intentionally. Having white hair it feels like just about everything in the world can stain it a different color. Grass, berries... uh... blood. Some things are harder to clean out than others." She sighed, lifting a hand and fiddling absently with a few loose strands of hair. "And then in the end it dyed itself. Kind of, anyways. The blue in my hair is a recent thing... but I won't get into it."

8. DO YOU HAVE ANY FAMILY MEMBERS?: She was silent for a few moments, casting her gaze downwards. These questions were starting to be a bit much. "Yes."

9. DO YOU HAVE ANY PETS?: "No, but I make friends with the local animals of just about anywhere I go. I think I'm close to meeting every stray cat in the world at this rate."

10. TELL ME ABOUT SOMETHING YOU DON’T LIKE: "When people I don't know think it's fun and cool to come up and try petting my ears or tail. I don't mind so much if they ask first, but the amount of grown adults that just touch me out of the blue... well, most don't try it a second time."

11. DO YOU HAVE ANY HOBBIES OR ACTIVITIES YOU DO IN YOUR SPARE TIME?: "Yes, of course! I enjoy painting and drawing, sometimes woodcarving and working with clay... I just really like making things. Let's see, I also like reading, sunbathing, swimming, fighting, spending time with my friends-- ah, I guess I'll stop there. It's a longer list than I expected."

12. HAVE YOU EVER HURT ANYONE BEFORE?: "Yes."

13. HAVE YOU EVER… KILLED ANYONE?: "Yes."

14. WHAT KIND OF ANIMAL ARE YOU?: She blinked, tail and ears wiggling as she gave the interviewer a look. "I'll give you three guesses."

15. NAME YOUR WORST HABITS: "Uh... I guess climbing on people's roofs? I know I shouldn't, but it's a lot of fun. I also have a habit of scratching things when I get restless. Usually trees, but I've ruined a couple of chairs and couches on accident before."

16. DO YOU LOOK UP TO ANYONE?: "Mhm, quite a few people, actually."

17. GAY, STRAIGHT, OR BISEXUAL?: "Uh, aren't there a lot more than just those three?" She tilted her head to the side. "... well, anyways, I'd say bisexual."

18. DO YOU GO TO SCHOOL?: "No, I've never gone to school before." She paused. "I... I've always wanted to, though."

19. DO YOU EVER WANT TO MARRY AND HAVE KIDS SOMEDAY?: "I... I guess? It sounds nice, but it all just seems so far off. My mother didn't do any of that until she was well over six thousand years old. I'd just hate to rush into something, you know?"

20. DO YOU HAVE ANY FANS?: "Fans? Like... people that like me but I don't really know them? I'm sure I have a few out there. I've even gotten a couple offerings before!"

21. WHAT ARE YOU MOST AFRAID OF?: "Uhm... I... no... no comment."

22. WHAT DO YOU USUALLY WEAR?: "This." Sora gestured to her outfit. "But it's not like the only clothing I own. I have lots of other outfits depending on the weather or where I'm going."

23. DO YOU LOVE SOMEONE?: "I'd say I love many someones."

24. WHAT CLASS ARE YOU?: "Uh... I'm sorry, I really don't know what you mean by this. Does this have to do with school or something? Those have classes, right?"

25. HOW MANY FRIENDS DO YOU HAVE?: "Many! And they're all wonderful!"

26. WHAT ARE YOUR THOUGHTS ON PIE?: "Pie? What a weird question. It's fine-- pretty versatile, too. You can put just about anything in one."

27. FAVORITE DRINK?: "Milk!"

29. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE PLACE?: "It's really hard to choose, but I guess Liyue? It's my home, after all."

30. ARE YOU INTERESTED IN SOMEONE?: "Ehe... I-I mean... yeah..?"

31. WOULD YOU RATHER SWIM IN THE LAKE OR THE OCEAN?: "Both! They're both so fun to swim in! There's no way I could choose between them."

32. WHAT’S YOUR ‘TYPE’?: "Well, I've noticed a trend, and it's usually just, uh, tall."

33. ANY FETISHES?: "Alright, now that's just inappropriate."

35. CAMPING, OR INDOORS?: "I'd say both, but I do spend most of my time outside."

36. ARE YOU WAITING FOR THIS INTERVIEW TO BE OVER?: "Yes, your questions are getting weird."

tagged by: @mmriesoftvat ty!!

tagging: anyone else that hasn't done this yet fdsHJsfd

#v; wanderer #dash games #interviewer found dead in liyue--

[anarchistauthor]

Wanna know something funny? I used to think I was a good writer. I still think I'm a good writer, but that's not funny. It's only funny that I used to because now I see how bad I used to suck. Hopefully in another couple years I'll think my current stuff is garbage, too. I always want to improve! Let's talk about writing.

Literature is fascinating, because there's really no such thing as a budget. A movie, a TV show, they can only do things they can afford, and they have to plan in accordance with that. It doesn't matter how badass the showrunners' ideas are if the effects people can't measure up. But a book? A word's a word, bitch! Nothing matters. My second book, Bound by Blood, included a scene where bullshit magic powers split the moon in half, because why not? I am your God.

It is, admittedly, disappointing to think about the fact that I will almost definitely never get any adaptations of my work. Aside from budget constraints, I'm trans and radical, and my target demographic is exactly one person: Myself. While I'd love to see my little gay characters be awesome in a visual medium, the closest I have right now is a couple of art commissions from a friend of mine.

I accept it, though, because ultimately, only 10% of the joy I get is from "Hey, I made the thing." 40% is from getting to share the work I love with people, whether they're buyers of the books or my long-suffering wife who has to read every shitty draft of every shitty WIP. And the last 50% is just from the act of creation itself. Making a story, even if only two people see it, (as is the case with every fanfic I write) is the most fulfilling thing I've ever done. At the end of a project, when I get this all-encompassing, bittersweet feeling at the completed work, the first thing I want to do is open up a different doc and get back to writing. I don't think I'll ever stop writing until my body breaks down, and it's kind of nice to know I found something that satisfies me so much.

This post doesn't have a central thesis. The end.

#writeblr #writing #art #ramblings

[g-kat423]

about the fic rewrite, it depends on how much you want to change, IMO. Is it just rewritting to paraphrase stuff, adding a couple more lines and other minor fixes? Edit the previous chapters and make a new one as an author announcement, so the readers still subscribed can check out the changes. But if you intend to change more meaningful things in the fic like the plot direction or characterizations, I think making a new version is the way to go. Most writers I've seen doing this tend to delete the old one, but its fine to leave it as well. Nowadays in the lady d fandom new fics tend to not get as many kudos and comments as they did last year, unfortunately, but theres definitely still an audience there!

Hey, thanks for your response! I was thinking about making some major changes regarding my first completed fic so an entirely new fic would probably be suitable. I made all of my works private awhile back because I felt really self conscious regarding my writing ability and the fact I couldn’t see myself writing anytime in the near future with how sick I’ve been, but things are kind of improving(for now). When I think of my first fic, I’d describe it as a porn with minimal plot. It was mostly meant to be smut, but I feel it has potential to be something a bit more fleshed out. A lot of the descriptions and dialogue is clunky too. Back then it was like I was trying to get chapters out as quickly as possible even if they were short, barely moving the story forward. There’s also issues with tenses changing idk why I seem to struggle with that. Overall it was something I was proud of at the time because I had never written nor published more than a oneshot before, but being a couple years removed from it now I’m less than impressed.

I also am aware the fandom has been slowly dying out which makes me sad, but fandoms tend to do that if it isn’t a supermassive ongoing thing. Even for myself I lost interest while I’ve been struggling. In a way I feel like it would be good for me to write and get myself out there again even if it meant less attention, just to feel like I’ve accomplished something and then it’s out there if people take interest in that. It’s not like I was ever a big name fic writer to begin with. Im surprised any of my fics got attention.

I’d also like to resume my 2nd fic that’s been on pause for over a year now. I’ll be surprised if that gets the attention that it did if and when I update, but it’ll be nice to see it through to the end at some point. Tbh I’m kind of over the whole x reader thing and the au fic I was doing feels so far removed from the source material that I love and prefer.

I think what I’ll do is rewrite my first fic and retitle it(I hate the title, it doesn’t suit the story like at all lol) and note that it’s a rewrite, and maybe republish the original with a note that there’s a rewrite. I think I’ll maybe even remove the x reader aspect and go with an oc which I know will definitely get less attention, but 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’ll be a good way for me to get back into writing again especially since the bones are already there.

Edit: and should I rewrite the fic in its entirety I’ll publish the entire thing at once to not clog up the Alcina Dimitrescu tag or seem like I’m trying to stay on top with an old fic. It’s more for my own peace of mind anyway.

[msmargaretmurry]

57, 75, 77

57. How conscious are you about including symbolism or foreshadowing in your fics?

i've gotten more intentional about it over the past few years! in the ratnovel in particular i found myself being more deliberate with my symbolism and ~motifs~ than i've been in the past, and in tnno there are a couple of bits of foreshadowing that i'm very proud of. i think it's natural that over the years as i've kept writing and made a deliberate effort to improve as a writer (and started writing much longer things than i did when i was younger) it's become more natural for me to both think consciously about those things and for them to find their way into my fics without me thinking about them. however with very long stories especially, when i write i'm often very aware of the threads i leave hanging for myself as options to pull on later -- sometimes those really pay off, and sometimes they wind up getting axed or ignored, it's an imperfect science but i am working on it!

75. Is there a particular fic that readers gravitated towards that you didn’t expect?

hm, i'm not sure! pretty much everything i've written in the last five-ish years (that is, everything i remember clearly enough to have an opinion on) has kind of attracted the expected audience (which isn't a bad thing at all!). i guess out of those it does often surprise me, in a really nice way, how many people feel a very strong connection to tnno. that was very much a "writing this in my emails for my two other deranged friends" fic (ily maddy and kas) while i was not really engaged with the wider fandom as a whole, so the reception of that one over the past couple years has been really lovely. other than that, i've gotten a few comments recently about people remembering and really loving some of my ancient bandom fic, especially this one, and it knocks my socks off that folks remember those at all!

77. Why do you enjoy writing fanfiction?

you mean besides the inherent satisfaction of my friends yelling my name in all caps at me? honestly, i usually write fic when there is a specific story i want to see in the world that does not exist, and i love then just going and crafting that story to my own exact specifications. it's a fairly low-stakes way to indulge in my beloved hobby of writing, and it's a super fun way to connect with people here on al gore's internet who love the same idiots that i do.

(questions from here!)

#ask #my fic

[ujunxverse]

hello viv! i doubt you remember me, but a couple years back i sent a lengthy ask to you upon reading 14 steps to a better you (angsty teen, lighthouse analogy person??? if that helps). if you do recognize me, i apologize for such a delayed response. when i first got notice of your reply i was eager to write back right away, but i felt bad to do so. i spoke of how your story had such an influence that it made me want to get back up again, but at the time i had not made much progress that i would have been satisfied to report. i wanted to talk to you as, well, a better me. 

i believe i was 16 back then, i’m 18 now and finishing up my first year of university soon. i’ve achieved and experienced a lot that junior year me would have not even dreamt of. i know i am capable of more, but considering what my state was previously, i'm glad i'm stable enough to establish such a foundation for my “adult” self. it's not a constant feeling yet, but it's a slow and steady improvement. i cannot stress how thankful i am for you and your kind words that motivated me, viv.

honestly, i think about you and your writing more than i expected. as far as i can tell, you are someone who has such immense love and care for your craft. despite having only read 2-3 of your works, your words and passion have lived subconsciously in me for years. while i do enjoy reading, i have not really read many stories in my life so it may not mean much coming from me, but to this day 14 steps is still one of the most impactful pieces of work i’ve had the pleasure of consuming. i sincerely do wish that your efforts always receive the amount of appreciation they deserve. 

your pinned post… perhaps i should be sad that you privated your previous stories, but i think i’m more proud than anything. last i recall you had plans of doing so earlier. i am glad you know your worth and are interacting with an audience who can recognize that. also if i am not mistaken, you had a magazine right? i’m sorry but i forgot its name, if you do get the time to see this could you please share the blog? i would love to support in any way that i can! i remember there was a categorization of genres into seasons which was such a beautiful concept, i hope the magazine is flourishing.

how have you been? i really hope you are doing okay and taking care in the midst of your busy life. until the next time i talk to you, i pray my admiration and support reaches you through telepathic signals. best of luck with everything!!!!!

hey anon !! sorry for getting back to you so late. i'm trying to remember, but frankly, it's been like two whole years since 14 steps initially came out on the blr back in orpheyeux, so i can't really remember much. i hope you don't take offense to this, because i'm normally the type to remember things with a photographic memory. i think a part of it, despite how nice the community i've crafted as orpheyeux was, is the fact that there were some bad things that happened in my time there, and having my work plagiarized here left a bitter taste in my mouth that tanked any form of sentiment i had for this site and my works being published here. i do remember an ask saying they had no place to comment on 14 steps as someone with a lack of experience in life, but it could be someone else.

first off, before getting into my full response, i'd like to say thank you for reaching out. it's always nice to have someone come into my inbox and tell me my work and my words had a profound effect on the trajectory of their life, and seeing that 14 steps, too, was something i wrote when i wanted something to change in my life and the stagnancy i felt, it gives me solace that, as cheesy as this sounds, i'm not the only one going through some form of individual crisis. writing has always allowed me to channel my thoughts and my feelings about whatever emotion i was going through, and i'm extremely happy that it had reached you and affected you in one way or another. it wasn't my initial aim when i wrote 14 steps, but seeing as so many readers have had their lives altered or at least learned something from jake and mc's journey, i can say i'm in some ways proud of what 14 steps had accomplished.

it's good to hear that you're doing well !! i know adolescence can be a difficult time to navigate as i've gone through many ups and downs as a teenager myself, but one thing i would say is that it gets better with time, even if things do get harder and more challenging. when i wrote 14 steps, i was still in the middle of my second year at university fresh out of the pandemic, and now, i'm due to graduate university in the summer and have been offered a spot to do my masters. creative writing had become something that i put in the backburner as i gear up to work on my research interests, and i think it will stay that way for a while given the reading and writing intensive labor required to complete a masters let alone consider a career in academia. though i rarely get praise for any of my works, i think 14 steps left a mark huge enough to have people such as yourself coming back to my now defunct blog and pseudonyms to thank me, and that's more than enough praise and appreciation to me. there's an odd, almost humane experience of wanting to be remembered, and in a sense, this tiny, niche space where my work lives on is good enough to me.

i've watched frieren recently and it completely changed my views in life, where i now believe it's better to live mundanely but with content than continue chasing after accomplishments and success, because in a sense, what you accomplish for yourself is already good enough. and good enough is all you need to keep yourself satisfied. if i'm being honest, part of why i had to let go of orpheyeux was 1) the fandom being toxic but also 2) because it was getting to my head. the statistics, likes, reblogs, praise—all of it was getting to my head and it was getting too difficult for me to keep up. i wanted to write more, but i was afraid i would let my growing audience down because my ideas were not romantic or something that had the same effect as 14 steps or welcome, which was two of the works that gained explosive popularity at the time. despite this, though, it's good to reconnect, and once again, i'm happy you reached out, truly.

yes, you're right. i've been meaning to leave for quite some time now, and i've decided to completely move to ao3. i think the lack of aesthetics has made it a bit better for me to focus my energy on writing alone, because writing on tumblr made me very conscious about banner art/design etc. and yes, indigo seasons was an old project that's now unfortunately defunct, and i do run a music magazine irl but i would like to keep my real identity separate from what i do here, if that's okay with you. since i'm graduating, i'm also stepping down from my two-year tenure as co-editor-in-chief, but if you're curious to see more of my works for the music magazine (to be honest, it's not creative writing at all, just op-eds and show reviews), then i would love to reach out privately and show you our magazine.

your words have certainly reached me the way 14 steps have reached you, and messages like these keep me wanting to write a lot, knowing that there are people out there who truly feel anything from the things i've put out. apart from graduating and preparing for grad school, nothing's going on in my life. i have a pretty stable part-time job and i plan to do an internship, and i've been thinking about my own 14 steps ahead of time.

how have you been? i hope you're doing well too, and do reach out whenever you can if you need someone to talk to. i'll always be here despite a hectic schedule, and i do enjoy long conversations such as this one.

best regards,

vivian.

#ujuasks #anon

[the-firebird69]

Watch "Kazzer - Pedal To The Metal" on YouTube

South side of Hamilton Ontario is a factory there the sunset doesn't look like a power plant but it sort of does with a four in a row and factors can look like that but not usually usually it's a bank of generators right and it's the generous for the city and as soon as I said we're here or you're not and they are sitting up there doing stuff trying to figure out the status it's right on tip of Ontario and they're trying to see what the status of the diamond excavation is and there's a couple Cruise out there still bja and Trump and the max are knocking loudly and you know what happened last time and they want to stop him and they're working on it and they have a plan but it hasn't started yet that's the thing and the battle has and other people are up there and cruise goes up there usually when certain people do and this probably coming up when the max go up because they have actual firepower he says and they're actually prepping personally because of this morning is nonsense and the idiotic code of the clones and it's nice code too and stupid didn't do anything and they're fighting each other pretty fiercely there's a few accidents yeah and shootings and it's just going on and they might as well go up there and do something and they want to get at John remillard they don't want him to have anything'

Thor Freya

Way to go up there and attack him and bring him down and blame other people sick of seeing him do stuff around you and today was ridiculous they all say that father's order and they're not and he's a turd it's a dumbest show I've ever seen I don't really want to see it again I can't even be free from that one and a few others that are just really loud obnoxious rude jerks and everybody knows it it's obscene I don't want to see this show anymore and I don't want to see them screwing around with you so much you can't walk and you look like one of them cuz that's what they do to each other it's ridiculous he wants to be able to eat right and he wants to be able to snack right not just look at it and say oh so come on let's knock this crap off it's time for a break from being people just kind of seeing stuff hello we are making some progress here like today they do this cop show and it had planned to it came in a bad time no they're planning on opening the plant and they're kind of threatening our son it's really stupid but it's nice because we have to react and our son said it too so what do you think we're going to do nothing it's a huge real army yelling and stuff they said good improving we need to more so than you had and then you start yelling this we're going to go after him said why don't you try a bunch of f***** who are fighting right in front of me and Peta start yelling stupid things than anybody so we went after him and we started arresting them forget about half and they started running and they went up to Hamilton Ontario just sitting on the power plant. And they're checking the status and more going up there and Tom Cruise will be up there this afternoon and he will return fairly soon he knows how to scrape it out without getting fragments in you just there's a special tool actually and it's pretty good it works good and he knows how to do it so he'll be out of there shortly he's right overheats the engine it's made for drag racing it's actually pretty smart and our son knows how to do stuff too but he just keep it real low RPM that would work and probably run pretty good he says more efficiently than it would without it and it probably would not get much harder it's true but most people can't resist and if he has to hit it it's going to get hot but she says yeah that's true still have to hit it to the South Ontario outside town now it's no there's not that many people today people suck I'm going to blow them away for it. We're going to break through what's our son notice the clones driving off and leaving. We see Tom Cruise prepping. It's an odd thing but they're mining out the diamonds while the fighting is going on I am didn't be there when you do that the clones go in and then they need people to monitor it or they sit and let it happen. There are four main groups up there bja has two Trump has three Mac has four the clones have two within BJ's group is Jason and what would things happens is the clone start bringing ships in and Jason brings his chips in and then I feel so they go to the uranium mine and yeah is near where Ghostbusters afterlife is going to takes 10 minutes to get there another group that's up there. Hera helped that happen, initializing yeah she wants to see Louis up there accepting sacrifice. It's on very soon. It turns to Jersey there's a job and the battle worsens Jason refuels is expelled I need real firepower

Zig Zag

Yeeeeahhh

Hera Zeus happy holidays Hera and happy holidays back to you and everybody else we say

Happy holidays to you too and the zigzag and it's wonderful work and to throw a prayer and things are sticking in there Thor Freya amazing work amazing it's no one can else do it

Olympus

#Youtube

[punkpsychologist]

damn

this pms got hands

I'm still in one of my classes rn and my emotions are KICKING MY ASs. Like your girl is so fucking sad. On my other blog I kind of went off over something triggering getting recommended to me and im just kind of disintegrating.

I want to go watch the next batch of part 6 episodes with B but I dont know if he wants to. I made myself a decaf coffee and the warmth is a little bit comforting.

I'm also really missing home. One of my cats in particular, he's basically like my son. Anxious lad. I never resonated with a creature so much, he's so freaked out by everything and he could tell when my pms was getting really bad. He would very insistently come over and sit on my lap for attention if I was crying or something. I don't even want to ask my mom how he's doing cause then I'll just start fucking crying.

I'm noticing a slight pattern. So yesterday I was pretty social. Like it wasn't a super large amount of socialization but it was all positive and felt very intimate. I felt like I did a good job socializing and that I opened the way with multiple people for positive relationships in the near future. And now today I am: Sad Girl. Same shtick happened a couple of weeks ago after I went to G's apartment and walked to mcdonalds with B and his friends. The next day I felt like a depressed bitch.

I think this has probably been my worst mental health day since arriving at university. This has actually been a really good run. Like, I have a lot of building to do and I've been functioning without a particularly strong support system and THIS is the worst I've been. Lonely? Craving attention? Not the worst I've been. It feels awful but I'd call it an improvement to the intensive desire to stay inside and have absolutely nobody see or perceive me ever. I was in my early class this morning and a cute blond guy asked if the seat next to me was taken, I said no and he sat with me during class and it was chill. Chill until my ptsd was aware that i was pmsing and decided to wake up and give me the worst stomach ache that I had in weeks. I think any other day I would have been happy I was sitting next to a cool dude who was being nice to me but because of my stupid fucking brain I was afraid of him.

I wanna see B. I haven't seen him in person in a few days and he seems a little depressed too. He keeps sleeping and skipping class. I wish we were close and comfortable enough that I could invite him to my dorm and we could chill and watch movies and just be sad together.

I've got a little bit until this class is over. IDK what I want to do. B goes to get dinner around this time so maybe I could try and meet up with him. We have never eaten dinner together but we have waited in line together to get dinner. If I wait until like 6pm or so my roommates might want to go get dinner. My preference is B tonight. He keeps sending me pictures of the campus cats at night and I want him to take me around and show me the cats.

Last emotional notes. I think I'm using this blog as a substitute for talking to my mom. I just miss her a lot and I know if I call my emotions are going to get a lot worse.

[hey-jyll]

08/11/2022 4:17PM

Lol, I was about to write stuff a couple minutes ago but ended up getting distracted by Tumblr. Obviously, there are a lot of reblogs right now from me. I was about to process my feelings about somebody but I think I did that last night with my friend so I'm going to move on from that subject because I'm a hot ass bitch who just bags some 8s, 9s, and 10s. ;P

Last night was so much fun. I baked 200 cupcakes for an event and baked a 13"x18"x4" cake. It was so cool and I loved that everyone loved the cupcakes and the cake. The peach-filled cupcakes were gone in seconds, the Nutella buttercream topped was as well, the whipped chocolate ganache topped cupcakes were also scarfed down by many, and what was left mostly was the Costco cake that I did not buy. Lol. I wasn't sure how it was going to be but I'm glad people loved and enjoyed the cupcakes

I'm not going to lie that it was really fun being in my feminine energy yesterday where I actually asked for help and was catered to. It's not something I'm always comfortable with but I think I have to learn to embrace that femininity. For example, I had just got to the venue and I was trying to drop off the cupcakes so when I got to the front desk with one cupcake tray the manager asked, "did you need help bringing the other cupcakes in?" I said, "yes." His colleague was asking, "Oh, did you want me to do it instead?" The manager answers, "no, I've got it." He was walking with me and he was staying behind me. It was nice because I felt for sure like a woman at that moment - being catered to, respectfully being looked at, and walking slightly behind me at a respectful distance. It was hot girl shit right there. Hahaha.

Someone actually caught my eye that night that I didn't expect. I honestly just invited him for my friend P so they can get to know each other. I've always thought Brian was a good-looking guy and I'm not usually interested in Asian men. However, last night, he changed my mind a bit. I got to know him a little and he has a BS in Physics and a MS in Data Analytics, and he also works for a government contracted company. Honestly, I feel like he's a 10 but because I don't know him well enough so I'd put him at a 9. He kind of looks like Henry Golding but darker and better in my opinion. It made me realize that there are 8s, 9s, and 10s out there that are interested in me and not just Brian. I mean come on, my ex-boyfriend looked like a model. Reflecting on that, I may have been in love with Jake but that didn't mean that they were quite right for me. Maybe at that moment in time, I was in love with him but not anymore. I think the universe was protecting me from falling into the trap of a 6. HAHAHAHA. No offense to him, I'm sure he's a good guy but he's not what I'm looking for anymore. He had the potential to be that person and he was a 7 to me but based on some word that's going around - he went down to a 6 or 5. Drinking and smoking excessively are dealbreakers for me. I like men who are always looking to improve themselves, who don't need substances to escape reality, who talk positively about themselves and others, who are confident, and who have good boundaries with others. I like to see that balance in people in general though.

Anyways, I need to hurry up and get ready for tonight's happy hour event in LA. However, I just wanted to say that things always work out for the better every fucking time.