#But the degree of upset people are that I don’t think dog food should be mostly corn is not what I expected

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Can’t believe I’m being Cancelled™️ on superb owl Sunday.

#This is also a joke #But the degree of upset people are that I don’t think dog food should be mostly corn is not what I expected #the comment I saw that was like ‘I always new owlvid was bad but THIS? Not liking proplan?? A new low’ was #so funny #I got to silly #ALSO CAN PEOPLE STOP CALLING THIS A BIG/POPULAR BLOG #I have 3k followers #not every gimmick blog is big #you recognizing my name does not mean I have any real sway on this site #it’s just a fairly easy to recognize gimmick

[nat-20s]

Wonderful! Au Part 7! (also on ao3 here) another episode only installment, and obnoxiously fluffy! Have fun!

~*~

Martin, tired: Hello everybody! Welcome, or welcome back, to a very low energy episode. We have had, as the kids say, A Week Tm.

Jon, equally tired, but fond: Is that as the kids say?

Martin: I don't know, and perhaps worse, I don't really care. I guess I could ask Jeremiah next time he's over, but I'm not sure if that would actually help.

Jon: Shockingly, I don't think two year olds have their finger on the beating pulse of youth culture.

Martin: Hmm, maybe not. Speaking of Jeremiah, he's part of why the format of this episode is gonna be a bit different than our regular. On top of me dealing with a frankly obscene amount of inventory management, and Jon being swamped with grant writing-

Jon: I never want to look at proposal guidelines again-

Martin: we were on babysitting duty for our favourite neighborhood hellion-

Jon: Hey, Jeremiah is a very sweet kid! I know he's a toddler, but we shouldn't be slandering him anyway.

Martin: One, we're not even using his real name, I don't think that counts as slander, and two, exactly, he's a toddler, he's by default a hellion.

Jon, teasing: This coming from the person that actually wants one?

Martin: I..look, if anything, the last few days have shown we should not be permanent parents.

Jon: But?

Martin:...There's no but.

Jon: I don't believe you! Are you lying for my benefit or the audience's? Because someone spent the last five days wearing one of the largest grins I've ever seen, exhausted as it may have been.

Martin: Okay! Fine, I admit, I liked having a kid around. I still think it would be a bad idea to do it full time, but I dunno. I wish we weren't both only children or something. We would make such good uncles.

Jon: Should I should have taken that teaching job after all?

Martin: Perhaps. After all,

Martin, singsong: An English teacher, is really someone!

Jon and Martin, singing together: If only you, had be-come one!

Jon: Honestly, though, I was considerably underqualified. I'm much more suited to my current job, even if it doesn't have quite the same impact on the "shaping of the next generation" or whatnot.

Martin: Wait, you actually care about qualifications now? When did that change?

Jon: This coming from Mister "master's degree in parapsychology"? And it was probably around the time that the world ended from taking on a workload I was ill-suited for.

Jon:...

Jon: Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Martin: Oh, of course. Definitely nothing literally apocalyptic in our pasts, no siree, nothing to see or speculate about or make weirdly involved forums for here. Uh, anyway, long introduction not so short: Both of us have been averaging about 4 hours of sleep, so any sort of actual research was not on the table.

Jon: If any of you are wondering why we didn't just say that we're both very much worn out and thus we'll be taking a week off, it's because we're both deeply, deeply stubborn.

Martin: It's one of our best shared qualities that has never caused any conflict between us, ever.

Jon: In fairness, sheer stubbornness does account for, what, 75% of the reason that either of us are still alive? And it hasn't caused a major conflict between us in a good three years.

Martin: That's true. We've become a deeply boring, relatively conflict free couple. Which fucking rules, by the way. To all the couples out there: I highly recommend being boring. It is so nice. We've gotten to go to the farmer's market so many times.

Jon: You do love the farmer's market. I would say that it's the access to fresh produce, but I think you just like the attention that one yarn seller gives you. Can't believe you would take advantage of a crush to get discounts on wool. How did I marry such an opportunist?

Martin: Ollie does not have a crush on me. They're just friendly to everyone.

Jon: Bullshit. I certainly never get an extra skein or stitch markers or delicate fabric cleaner tossed in my bag. Actually, I think I've been charged more for committing the crime of having married you before they could.

Martin: I'm..70% sure that's not true, but every sentence we speak, we stray further from even pretending to be on topic. So, to everybody listening, this is the itty bitty episode! Basically, we're only doing small wonders and user submissions. If you want details or backstory for things we like, too bad, come back next week. Jon, I believe you're first this week?

Jon: Oh, right. My first small wonder is cat names.

Martin: Delightful, but unsurprising. Though, I would've expected either more or less specificity. Why cat names as opposed to pet's names in general, or, like, military title names?

Jon: Well that's simple enough. I've simply never met a misnamed cat, even if the name itself wasn't to my personal tastes, and I think that speaks to the wonderful universality of cats.

Martin: This, of course, implies that you have met animals that were misnamed.

Jon: Oh, I have. I once met a papillion dog named Meatball.

Martin: Now I know you don't like food names in general for pets, but are you sure that Meatball didn't suit the dogs personality? I've known some "Meatballs" in my lifetime.

Jon, only half-mock offended: Of course it didn't fit, Martin. She was a lady. A nervous, jittery lady, but a lady nonetheless.

Martin, laughing: And what, you've never met a dignified cat with an undignified name, or vice versa? Would you be okay with our cat being named Meatball?

Jon: I would be upset if our cat was named Meatball, because we named her and we're above that sort of thing, but, technically speaking, she could have been Meatball in another lifetime and it wouldn't have been wrong. You see, all cats are a mix of both extremely austere and little baby idiot.

Martin: Oh, is that the scientific terminology?

Jon: It is. Now, while there's probably some amount of, er, normative determinism or confirmation bias or something that results in a cat with a more dignified name seeming to possess more of that austerity, as all cats have both, any name can, potentially, fit. Hence why it's wonderful.

Martin: I..accept your proposal for now, but I think more research needs to be done. Maybe we should visit the shelter this weekend and test your hypothesis.

Jon: Hmm. I think we may need to visit multiple shelters, actually. A large sample size is necessary for any sort of veracity, obviously.

Martin, imitating Jon tone: Obviously.

Jon: Glad you agree. What's your first small wonder?

Martin: Tofu!

Jon: I..didn't realize you liked that much?

Martin: Well, I don't get it very often since I know you can't stand the texture, even though it is not like 'worse scrambled eggs', and you're a horrible food thief-

Jon: Lies and slander. We readily share. If I'm a horrible food thief, you have committed the exact same, if not worse, crime as myself.

Martin: Well, we are thick as thieves.

Jon, groaning: You're thick as something alright

Martin: Rude! My beloved husband-

Jon: -uh huh-

Martin: whom I love and trust with my most tender of hearts-

Jon: -an oddly cannibalistic turn of phrase-

Martin, badly suppressing laughter: Oh, my god. I want a divorce, then I can put tofu in as many dishes as I like. I'll triple my protein intake.

Jon: It'd never go through. I'll burn the papers. No, wait, I'll burn down the legal offices where the papers are kept.

Martin: Hmm. While my experiences with it have been, uh, varied to say the least, I do have to admit that arson is one of the more attractive crimes of passion. I suppose I'll take you back.

Jon, flat: I'm so very grateful.

Jon, genuine: You do have yet to actually tell me why you think tofu is wonderful, love.

Martin: It's just a good food! It's neutral enough that you can toss it in pretty much anything with a sauce, you can bake it, you can fry it, whatever. Plus it's what? two? Three quid? I spent many years of my life living off the cheapest, saltiest approximation of noodles you could imagine, and half a pack of tofu, a little bit of sesame oil, and some green onions went a long way to both making it more filling and less sad. 

Martin: Plus, I feel like it often gets decried for being something it's not? It's so often viewed as a meat substitute or the vegan alternative option, and so when people try it, they often go in with a false preconceived notion of what it's going to be like, and then end up disappointed. They're all like, 'ugh, this doesn't taste like turkey!' and yeah, of course it doesn't. It's the oatmeal raisin cookie of the protein world, a perfectly good and tasty treat on its own, but if you want chocolate chip, it's not gonna work.

Jon: Martin you don't even like oatmeal raisin. I'm the only one that ever eats them out of the multipacks.

Martin: Well, yeah, but I don't like oatmeal raisin because of its flavor, not because I think it should be chocolate chip and fails. It illustrates my point. Also, just for balance, is your next small wonder oatmeal raisin cookies?

Jon: No, though, maybe one of these weeks. They are good. But no, um, my next small wonder is being married.

Martin, let out a high bark of a laugh: Being married is a small wonder?!

Jon: Small wonders doesn't mean a lack of importance! Or even significance in our lives. Half the time we even end up spending just as much time chattering on about them as the things we actually research. But, yes, I didn't feel like researching the concept of being married. For one, a lot of the history of it is depressing and patriarchal, and for two, it's not something I really feel any need to elaborate on. Being married. I very much enjoy it. I recommend it for anybody that's found someone that they want to marry, and who wants to marry them. I really recommend being married to Martin Blackwood, I think I would enjoy it significantly less if it was to anybody else, but one: we typically try to make the wonderful things in this show  applicable to more than just ourselves, and two: I got there first, so I believe the appropriate thing to say here would be; neener neener and/or everyone else can go suck it, Ollie.

Martin: Well...

Jon: Well, what?

Martin: Saying you got there first is technically not true-

Jon: What?!

Martin, laughing like a bastard: Sorry, sorry! Couldn't resist! Jon, you already know that you're my first real realationship, how would be married before fit that?

Jon: Hence my surprise at the notion! I cannot believe you! I give you my trust, my earnestness, and belief-

Martin [only laughs harder]

Jon: and you throw it in my face for a bit. I take back everything, being married is a nightmare, because sometimes your partner thinks he a fucking comedian and you just have to put up with him because you love him and want to live the rest of your life with him or some such nonsense. Not worth it, if you ask me. My turn to ask for the divorce.

Martin: Babe, hate to break it to you, but both of us are guilty of doing bits that the other doesn't like, it's an integral part of  a healthy marriage, and secondly, you knew who I was long before I proposed. You should've said no when you had the chance.

Jon: Hang on, you proposed?

Martin: Yeah? This isn't part of a bit, of course I proposed. I'm even pretty sure you were there. The whole visit back to Scotland trip? I finally made you a sweater and said it was because we would now be immune to the boyfriend curse?

Jon: No, no, I remember all that, but it wasn't the proposal. It was a reaffirmation of the proposal. We had already decided to get married.

Martin: Well, yeah,, I wasn't just gonna spring that on you, we had had conversations beforehand-

Jon:  No, I mean, I had already proposed. I asked you to marry me a good three years earlier, and you said yes, which is a proposal by any definition that I know.

Martin: Jon, love, darling, apple of my eye, fire of my soul, I mean this in the nicest way possible, what the everloving fuck are you talking about?

Jon: In the ambulance ride when we, uh, moved here. It was the thing I said to you the second I saw your eyes were open.

[An audible pause is left in the recording.]

Martin: That does not count.

Jon: How does it not count?! I asked you to marry me, you very emphatically said yes, that's the de facto definition of an accepted marriage proposal!

Martin: It doesn't count because you were half-delirious with blood-loss, and I had a traumatic brain injury that the hospital was very surprised I made a full recovery from. No court in the world would consider anything we said then more than pain driven ramblings, let alone, I dunno, contractually binding.

Jon: Well, I knew what I was saying well and clear. Just because it was desperate doesn't mean it wasn't sincere. I didn't realize that you weren't as cognizant when you accepted.

Martin, snorting: Yeah, didn't really need to be cognizant to say yes. I've wanted to marry you since the train ride to Scotland.

Jon: Wait, really? Martin, we hadn't even been on a date.

Martin: And yet we were on the lamb together, which I honestly think is more romantic than sitting in some restaurant somewhere trying to get through icebreakers. Also, back up, from your perspective we've been engaged since 2019? What did you think we were doing in the interim?

Jon: Uhh..

Martin: Yes?

Jon: There are people that have long engagement periods, and it's not exactly like we were in any sort of position to get married for awhile. Especially not that first year.

Martin: Okay? And?

Jon: And..I sort of thought you had changed your mind. For awhile. Was rather surprised that you kept living with me, considering that, on the worst nights, I was convinced you were going to storm off and leave me forever any minute now. Hence why your proposal was rather relieving.

Martin: Oh, Jon, love. That is so very ridiculous, and so very you, and so very close to many of my own fears and doubts. Do you have any idea how terrified I was to float the idea of marriage to you? Half the time I was convinced I was just meant to keep you company until you found someone better. And, Christ, we'd, from your perspective, been engaged the whole damn time. Fuck.

[Jon, after a beat, starts laughing. It has a slightly hysterical edge to it. Martin joins in. It takes a minute for the laughter to subside enough for them to speak again.]

Jon: I'm rapidly realizing that our entire romantic relationship would've been, if not more successful, a hell of a lot faster if we weren't both complete fools.

Martin: You're realizing that now? I think I've known that since the CV incident. I've definitely known it since the Lonely.

Jon, with a slightly tired chuckle:Yes, yes, something probably should've tipped me off earlier. Shockingly, observation of our own personal romantic trends is not always a strong suit of mine.

Jon: Anyway, please tell me you have another small wonder, this has gotten wildly of track.

Martin: Since we're talking about marriage anyway, I think my next small wonder is having a shared reference in your wedding vows. Our friends had "I have been, and always shall be, your friend" in theirs, and I made Jon cry with a slightly altered Lord of the Rings quote in ours.

Jon: First off, we were both openly weeping long before that point, secondly, I defy anybody to have been through half of what we have and then have the love of their life look them in the eyes and tell them "Leave you? I never intend to. I am going with you, if you climb to the moon" without at least tearing up.

Martin: There wasn't a dry eye in the audience, either. Granted, the audience was only 20 people, but that was also literally the only time I've seen Eloise show a strong emotion, so I'm pretty smug about it.

Martin, soft: I still feel exactly the same, you know. If you're climbing to the moon, I'll make sure the rope is strong enough for two.

Jon, soft: I know, love.

Jon: Though, to be fair, the moon is also significantly more pleasant than many places we've been.

Martin: God, I hate how much that's true. Look at this barren, oxygenless rock, at least it's not actively trying to kill us. Practically a honeymoon location.

[Martin sighs]

Martin: I am so tired. Let's do the user submissions then take a very long nap.

Jon: Please.

Martin: So, first submission is from Josie; They find it wonderful getting cards from their friends. They say they're lucky to have so much love in their life and have friends that care enough to send them things. That is wonderful Josie! We have a drawer in our house dedicated to every loving card we've ever received since the move, and they're always such a nice reminder of the people in our lives.

Jon: We should really organize that drawer, but, yes, agree with the sentiment. Even the cards from people that are no longer in our lives are lovely, I think. Those connections are very much meaningful for both of us, whether they're active or not.

Martin: That's very true.  Next submission is from Lys, who submits the sound of leaves crunching under your feet in the fall. Ah, that's a classic.

Jon: I just felt myself relax imagining it. I wish it was autumn.

Martin: Don't we all? Alright, for the last submissions, I'm grouping them together as they follow a similar theme. Jadwiga submits the feeling of waking up well into the morning with the sun shining through the window and your cat laying next to you, and Oran submits when a dog falls asleep with its head in your lap.

Jon: I can heartily recommend at least one of those, considering that's how we try to wake up most mornings. The Duchess is a dutiful darling girl who spends every night with us, and she's usually still there when us humans rise.

Martin: I bet you'll agree with the other when I finally convince you to get me a dog for my birthday.

Jon: It hasn't happened yet, so I wouldn't hold your breath.

Martin: But you don't even dislike dogs! You're just as happy to pet them when they pass by as I am.

Jon: Being fine with an animal isn't the same thing as wanting to adopt one for yourself! We don't even know if The Duchess would put up with a dog.

Martin: I bet she would. I bet we could get a big senior dog who's the calmest animal you've ever met with those soft eyes and a little grey on the muzzle and she would cuddle up in an instant. And we did say we should visit a shelter or three this weekend..

Jon: I think you're rather callously taking advantage of my exhausted state, but I suppose we can look. 

Martin: Hell fuckin yeah. So, I think that'll close out the episode, and as we always say at the end, uh, go take a nap and get a dog. Not necessarily in that order.

#wonderful! au #jonmartin #tma #jon sims #martin blackwood #my fic #thank you to everyone that submitted!!! #also; i am offically out of ideas for installments #more may come later but i make no promises!

[axe-trio-commanders]

OC Interview: Zori Sunblade

Draw (or use an old drawing, don’t worry!) or take a screen of your character in an interview setting and make them answer the following questions!

INTRODUCTION

Can you introduce yourself?

"That, uh... depends- this isn’t going on public record, right? I mean- not immediately?” [redacted] “Okay, yeah, after my death is... well- no, maybe Seremnis’ death. Or whenever she wants- okay, give it to her after my death and she’ll- yeah. Okay.” Shuffling and creaking of leather. “Zori Sunblade, member of the Sun warband, magister of the priory, pact commander by title, uh... oh- leader of Dragon’s Watch. And uh. Charr. Ranger. Uhm... hi?”

What is your gender identity, orientation and relationship status?

“...Uh... I think...” mumbled “...burn me I hope I remember the meaning of these right, been a while-” regular voice “Uh- she/her... lady friends, so far, and- actually been married for a while.” [She shows of a ring around her left-hand ring finger. Its gem gives off a faint glow.] “Still sort-of figuring out what that means, but I think I’ve got most of it down.”

Where and when were you born?

"...I, uh... hm. Lend me some paper and quill?” [Paper and quill is lent.] “...So it’s... 34, and that was... 25, when I was...” [She nods and taps the pen affirmatively on the paper.] “1306 AE, at, uh... all I remember or have been told is growing up in a fahrar around Rin.”

What is your weapon of choice and fighting style?

“That depends. I can snipe pretty good with a longbow, but torch and axe are my go-to for close range... sometimes a dagger if I need to be a bit less conspicuous.”

Lastly, are you happy?

“...Well, that uh. That escalated quickly, huh?” laugh “Ah... sometimes. Sometimes... it’s- I guess I don’t clearly remember now if it’s harder than it used to be, but... I’m working on it.”

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

What’s your family like? What is your relationship with them?

“Dragon’s Watch is my family. As is my warband, Aurene... Canach’s in there somewhere, too. It’s... I dunno. Some of them... still look up to me, I guess, after everything- some of them know me to well, some of them... I don’t know. Warband’s... complicated, right now, and I’ll probably always worry about Aurene... the people that know the most want to help, I know they do, it’s just... it’s hard to believe things will get better sometimes.” laugh “Probably not the best thing to hear from the charr you’ve put in charge of saving Tyria for the past nine years, huh?”

Have you ever ran away from home?

“...I... I don’t know. Maybe that’s what I’m doing now- burn me, I... really don’t think I can go back to the legions now, regardless of if things are changing or not. Don’t really think there’s been another... place I’ve ever called home.”

Would you consider marriage or having children?

“I mean- kinda too late to have second thoughts on marriage, huh? Ah, not that I would. I don’t think I’d want to live without her at this point, being honest...” Tapping of claws “...Cubs, though... I don’t know. Not now, definitely. If I’m going to be taking care of cubs, It’s not going to be at a time where I can’t do it myself. Be there for them. Burn me, I’ve had far too many examples of what happens when you don’t.” Pause “...Have sometimes fantasized about a quiet house somewhere in the woods, though. Whenever the disaster’s over.”

Do you secretly hate one of your friends?

“...Why would you call them your friends if...? No, if that was even a question. I’ve made it very clear who I hate, and... burn me, I guess... yeah, the only one who isn’t dead is Phlunt. And... Bengar, probably. Not sure if he’s, uh. Stable, right now? Not- I mean I don’t go out and murder whoever annoys me, that’s not- it’s a short list. It’s a very short list. I’m not going to murder someone over, like... burnt toast or something. That sort of thing is reserved for endangering my family.”

Which friend knows everything about you?

“...I- mm... I... some of them know more than others. Definitely, people in my family know more than people outside of it- ...burn me, I... I think, alltogether, if everyone I knew pooled knowledge they’d have everything, but... not any one. It’s... it’s habit, I guess.”

ASKED BY FANS

“Please tell me you’ve filtered these beforehand.”

Are you literate? Have you been to school?

"Okay, good start, uh... I mean, I’ve been through the fahrar, obviously, and I’m also a priory magister- I learned a lot more about the... being literate there, but at this point in my life I’m writing-fluent in New Krytan, old charr pathfinding symbols, ancient orrian... in the process of learning a couple others, too. Can’t hurt.”

The eeriest prediction you made that later came true?

Snort “I’m not allowed to die. I mean- burn me, what else am I supposed to take away from the fact that I died- actually went-to-the-mists died, and got told by the messenger of a human god that I, of all people, could go back? Had to, in fact? ...Burn me, I should probably be happy about that, but. Implication’s aren’t great there.”

What is something you were embarrassingly late to realize?

“...That I’m... that there are people who’d miss me. Not- not miss the commander, but... I expected people would- mourn, write songs or whatever once I actually kicked the bucket, but it’s all a bit... hollow, when most of them don’t even know my name- and to some degree, that’s purposeful. They can- they can mourn the role I filled, the stuff I did, that’s fine, that’s not going to destroy them, not going to hurt for more than a... week, maybe. And everyone else- even the closest people- burn me I’m supposed to be dead. Not only was I, but there’s no- there’s no logical reason I’ve survived all this. Gods and Elder dragons have wanted me dead- entire factions, powerful people- I’m not allowed to die by- by fate, or whatever, but nothing else in Tyria wants me here, so I- you expect people to expect it, at least. To be prepared for it. I want them to be, for their own sake, but...” long sigh “...I... tried to get my warband to leave. Now that they knew... where I’ve been. What I’ve been doing, and... it really shouldn’t have been such a shock that they were worried about me. That... that they, and... everyone who knows how bad it’s gotten wants me to get... better. That I even have that option.”

Do you have mental health or physical issues?

quiet “...I don’t think any of us came out of this unscathed.”

What is your current main goal?

“...I think... I think I will just- just focus on getting better, now. I- burn me, it’s going to give me anxiety like nothing else to leave this to anyone, but I’ve- ...guess this is the first I’ll say it outside of closed circles, but I... I think I’m giving up the title of commander. I don’t think- that’s not going to mean I’m not around, I’m... probably not even leaving Dragon’s Watch, but... it’s time to hang the regalia up, at least. Leave the final say to someone else.” Laugh “Definitely not gonna miss the politics. May I never have to see Phlunt’s face again.”

CHOICES

Drink or food?

“...Oh, the hard questions are over now? Er- sort of? ...I mean, you need both to... live, so... Hm. I mean- I’ve had some really good food, Dragon’s Watch has one of the best chefs, but- if you’ve ever had an entire jug of water past the height of the moon, you know exactly my dilemma here.

Cats or dogs?

“This is what we call a ‘false dichotomy’. Both. Duh.”

Early bird or night owl?

“...I, uh. I’m not sure I’ve had a steady sleep schedule, for... five? Years? I guess if you do want to wake me up without either food or news of immediate disaster that needs fixing, I might consider physical harm, so... whichever one that is.”

Optimist or pessimist?

“That depends. On the subject of how good today’s food will be? Optimist. On Phlunt ever caring for anything other than his own pride and wellbeing? Pessimist.”

Sassy or sarcastic?

“...There’s a difference? Everyone I’ve met has both or neither.”

HAVE YOU EVER-

-been caught sneaking out?

“Nope. I was raised Ash, and I was good at it.”

-broke a bone?

“...I... I don’t think I have, actually. Probably got just about every other possible injury, but... not that yet.”

-received flowers?

“...I, uh. Eheh... The, uhm. The first time my, uh- now-wife sent me flowers, I... didn’t know what they were for? And sort of. Ate them.” pause “...They were... definitely not meant to be eaten. They were anonymous- she told me about it later- so I thought someone was trying to poison me until a close friend explained what getting flowers meant.” pause “...Burn me, I have no idea how long she was trying to flirt with me until I managed to catch on.”

-ghosted someone?

“...Have I mentioned the time I burned to death?”

-pretended to laugh at a joke you didn’t get?

“...Wait, that’s- that’s a thing? I could have been telling terrible, incomprehensible jokes this whole time and I have no way to even know?! I- ...no, I haven’t, I guess. I just sort of... sit there confused...”

“...That’s the last one? Really? Sort of an awkward way to end it. Well, uh... remember the release protocol we agreed upon. Whole buncha people are gonna be upset if you don’t- most of which know how to hide bodies. Not... not sure why I know so many of that type of people, to be honest with you.”

#zori sunblade #oc interview #icebrood saga spoilers #path of fire spoilers #yes i did do the math on those years. yes i am making this cannon. #yes zori is 28 years old as the current story stands #there's a good reason most of the charr she knows think of her as a cub

[liqvid-gold]

GIA Task #01: July

If your character’s in a bad mood, do they prefer to be left alone or have someone try to cheer them up?

Ionna tends to prefer to be alone with Pingu, but even they admit that sometimes they need help processing or comfort. it’s hard to be upset when you have a fluffy dog giving kisses. Sometimes, though, you need to go for a run to cool off. Or you need a friend, some good cannolis, and some dumb movie.

How do they deal/have they dealt with conflict in their relationships with others, past or present?

It’s taken a lot of mishandled conflict for Ionna to learn not only her limits, but that others have them too. And sometimes you just have to feel what you’re going to feel before you can talk about it honestly. Her relationship with her parents is evidence of this.

When she was initially contemplating dropping nursing school, they fought pretty regularly. They were supposed to be setting an example, after all. And wasn’t she just so sure when she started? This was a huge commitment. What was the plan? Did she have one? Was she sure?

They only wanted the best for their child, but it initially felt like a personal slight to suddenly reject such a significant investment.

Ionna felt betrayed by their disappointment.

It was weeks before everything was outlined properly. They decided to present a business plan, a draft of the one she was intending to use for her applications for licensure and permits. The family was able to talk it out properly at that point, and move on, but it took work.

Who or what is your character currently proudest of? Why?

Ionna’s pretty proud of herself. She had a dream and she built it and while it doesn’t always thrive, it is surviving. And she gets to run her business her way, and has the support to do the parts that she wants to do the most. Supposedly, it’s the american dream.

Explain why your character has moved to/stayed in NYC?

She got familiar with the city initially when she started doing her internships with non-profits and charities in between semesters of college. There was (and is) so much need, and while they know there’s need everywhere, they had the connections there to start building their dream of running a point of contact for resources and help out of a bar.

Was it crazy? Absolutely.

Would she do it differently? Absolutely not.

If your character was having a bad day, which of these would they prefer as a means to cheer them up? Their favorite dish, a massage, or some space?

Food. Hands down. No question. Ionna loves food. And wine. But mostly food. Her family was pretty quick to instill that particular love. Family dinners. All-out feasts for holidays and festivals whenever possible. Teaching the basics of cooking at a young age.

Her grandma’s spanakopita is one of the best savory comfort foods.

There’s a section of the menu dedicated to Greek cuisine that’s often designed by Ionna, and like most of the menu, is adjusted seasonally to compensate for the local farms and business support.

What usually jump starts their day? Coffee? Exercise? A Shower? Breakfast? Or something else entirely?

Pingu decides how and, often, when the morning starts. Morning walkies is sometimes morning joggies. And then a shower, unless it’s a gym day.

Does your character thrive in order or chaos?

They eat most flavours of chaos for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, but even they have their limits. They’re very grateful for their office staff who tend to handle the Order of the bar a bit better.

Would your character say that their parents were/are good at being parents?

Their late twenties into their thirties came with a certain change of perspective. Her parents were definitely parents. Sometimes their choices sucked, but their hearts were in the right places and they never meant any harm. They weren’t bad, but they definitely had the practice to deal with her baby sister and have, in Ionna’s mind, done a lot better in some respects.

What scares your character the most?

After losing her bar? Internally? Being alone. Or having to face hardship alone. They put so much of themselves out into the world that the worst feeling in the world would be to not have anyone there when they need someone most.

What did the last relationship your character was in teach them?

If they make repeated, passive aggressive comments about your profession, it probably runs as a deeper problem and they can either figure it out and get over it, or it’s time to move on. It’s just not worth the time wasted combating their negative fixation on something that’s a core part of her life.

If your character could choose 1 superpower, what would it be and why?

I think she’d want to be super fast. Or the ability to read minds.

What’s something people often misunderstand about your character?

Socially, she’s very awkward without meaning to be, and it’s not really because she’s poorly practiced or anything in particular. They have just ended up three or four steps ahead in the conversation (in her head), and assume the other person has managed to stay on the same page when they’re two and a half pages behind because that’s how time and conversations work.

What is something your character tends to procrastinate on?

Paperwork. It’s boring. It’s not pointless but it feels obvious. It’s necessary. But it’s still boring to such a degree it should be a sin. Ionna doesn’t know what to do when all of her office staff end up having vacations or emergencies all at the same time.

Well. She does. She just hates doing it so it takes three times as long as it really should.

Where does your character like to go/what does your character like to do for inspiration?

When she’s working on menus, they tend to throw “parties.” They are less party and more test bed for future food or drink items. But the guests don’t necessarily know that. It does mean they tend to happen more at season change time once she knows what fresh produce will be available.

There’s always a big spread of lunch and dinner samples, and she tends the bar herself on the condition that it’s dealer’s choice on the drink.

Sometimes it works out, sometimes it doesn’t.

They still haven’t gotten the mulled pumpkin spice mead to work out properly and haven’t figured out why.

Does your character usually follow their head or their heart?

They lean pretty heavily on their heart to start, but the head does catch up to what’s going on eventually and evens the keel.

Who or what brings your character the most joy in their life today?

Pingu for a who, though Calliope is always a delight to be around. Who condensed sunshine and infused it with that girl?

She also really loves it when a client who’s been referred to support services comes back to visit in a better position than when they’d initially stumbled into their bar. It’s not necessarily a reminder of why they do what they do, but it does bolster their resolve to keep going.

Does your character have a hero or someone they admire or look up to? If so, who and why?

With the perspective of proper adulthood, Ionna’s really come around to admiring her parents. They’ve worked really hard to build what they have, and they didn’t succumb to the desire to continue expanding and end up over-stretching themselves. They decided what they were going to do and how much they wanted to put into it and what they wanted out of it, and then they didn’t give in to the pull to do more than that.

From a business owner perspective, that seems like such an easy trap to fall into. Ionna does want to keep expanding the supports available, yes, but she doesn’t want to fall into the trap of having multiple locations for the sake of profit. That’s not what she’s here for. She’s here to help, to be a safe place for folks to have a good time, and to treat her employees well.

Is your character much of a reader? If so, what author(s) do they like?

They’re less for literature and more for recipe books. But books, not necessarily websites with inane blog posts that drone on for twelve paragraphs too long. Other how-tos are also appreciated, since they like to at least try and do things on their own.

Does your character like surprises? How do they tend to react to surprises?

Ionna likes nice surprises. Less so surprises from Pingu since those are often smelly, if few and far between.

Gifts are pretty important to them, for a lot of occasions. It’s not necessarily common in American culture, so whenever anyone remembers it’s a joy and tends to leave her impressed for a good while afterward.

Is there anything that your character collects? If so, what is it/what are they?

They have a sizeable collection of corks from favoured bottles of wine or bottles from special occasions. Eventually they want to turn it into a table, but they don’t have enough yet.

#giatask #July 2021 task #Ionna Foti #about

[golbrocklovely]

Dude when she cursed at the chat after she cursed at one person i was like 🤦🏼. I just knew it was going to blow up, and the mods were divided between telling her to chill and defending her before they put it on emote only. She's a public figure technically, and yeah it sucks to see people coming at you but its way worse to react that way you know because even if they are not fans, they still know who she is and its not a good look. Imagine if JC went on her stream and got mad and went off, her chat would react the same. People kept commenting how much they loved Franny and Nezzas facial expressions because you could tell they were over it & JC laughed and said he noticed that and loved Frannys expressions. A simple trivia stream or a cooking stream would be good for Tara but this.... to literally stall, change the rules,curse, and complain is not a good look. If it wasnt the 'Im a vegetarian' comment she said "Im going to throw up", "I need my inhaler", "I have dinner with Jake after i cant drink" like girl theres saying "I cant handle this challenge please let me do something else" & saying she's up for anything but when it comes to she complains and throws a fit. Thing is Jazmin also annoyed people because she kept trying to negotiate but she also did the challenges like ate wet dog food, and let JC draw on her with a sharpie eventhough she had a date right after..

Me too, i expect this from her, she's done so many lives and said stuff thats made me side eye her like the sugar surgery stream, her comments on how it was okay to party on and off during the pandemic, and JCs streams to where im like 1000% positive if i were ever to meet her i would not mesh well with her energy. I cant handle people like that. Plus JC is literally a very nice guy and even if he kids a lot and takes that type of treatment doesnt mean he deserves it.

i know these aren't all the same ppl, but i figured since you all were talking about tara, i'd put them all together :)

1st ask: yeah, i don't exactly love the fact that she cursed at his chat, regardless of what they were saying back to her (as long as they weren't being threatening towards her, which i don't think they were). not to mention this is someone else's fanbase; don't be mean to them bc you feel like they don't like you for not playing the game that you said you would play.

and yeah those suggestions for streams would be good with tara.

and no offense to jc, but like... this whole stream doesn't sound fun the way you guys are talking about it haha (i mean, i figure it probs was to some degree). but i get complaining about the challenges bc they are weird or hard. but there does come a point when you gotta shit or get off the pot, you know?

i know we've talked about the sugar stream before. i don't think anything was wrong with that stream, and i don't really wanna talk about it since it's an old discussion. but i get not liking tara for whatever reason.

i do wanna say tho, that is jc allows her to treat him like that, that's his own prerogative, and if he can't stand up to her, that's his own shit to deal with. not for us to assume.

2nd ask: i think she does well on her own lives bc it's her fanbase and she knows how to interact with them. i also think with her own fanbase, she knows the demo is relatively young. so cursing or being vulgar probs isn't the way to go. vs jc's fanbase, who are more young adult-ish, it's easier for her to let loose and curse and be an adult, which she is lol

and i get the spit takes and whatnot. i think she was probs just being a bit dramatic bc she was uncomfortable.

3rd ask: i obviously don't know how she brought up her severe asthma and whatnot, so i can't really comment on it. obviously, you can be upset since you have it if you think she's lying or up-playing the asthma she has. maybe she meant that she didn't bring her inhaler with her in front of the stream bc it was in her bag somewhere else in the house? again, not sure of the context in which she said it. but maybe that's what she meant.

and i still feel like, the way you guys are describing it, she should have just been there for moral support. but maybe she assumed jc would tone down the challenges or make them super easy. idk of course.

i also feel like, in general, that maybe tara acted the way she did bc she wasn't in a good mood, for whatever reason. that doesn't give her the right to curse and yell at jc's stream, but it might explain her actions a bit better to know that maybe she wasn't really in the best headspace.

#ask #personal

[sareenademon]

Bi Fang and Havik create mischief together! fluffy/weird/concerning

(Btw Havik might be a lil OOC or he might not be bc he’s the biggest wildcard in the mk universe.)

Bi Fang is the son of Bi Han and Sareena: Info on him (btw Bi Fang is inspired from Richie Tozier from Stephen Kong’s It, he curses a lot)

Once Noob Saibot got redeemed and rejoined the Lin Kuei he cut ties with all of his evil associates. This included Havik. Well kinda.

They don’t consider each other enemies and Havik still considers Bi Han his bestfriend! And sometimes he’ll randomly insert himself back into his life to cause a bit of chaos. He’s more of an annoyance to Bi Han if anything.

(Bi Fang is 10 at this point. And this before he meets Satoshi and Liu Jerrod)

Years later, when Havik found out that Bi Han has a son he became curious.

So, he decided to pay the boy a visit and meet him!

For a day, he stalked Bi Fang from a far.

Havik realized how powerful Bi Fang could be. The boy shared the DNA of a cryomancer and a demon. His ice powers could be legendary. It could be powerful enough to one day kill that bastard Hotaru.

He also realized how different Bi Fang was from his father.

Unlike Bi Han, Fang has a great sense of humor! Havik finds the boy’s pranks on the other Lin Kuei members to be hilarious! But he also notices the boy’s loneliness. He sees how the other children of the Lin Kuei shunned him.

So Havik decides he should take the boy out for some good ol, chaotic fun!

He appears to him when the boy is alone hanging out in a forest.

Havik: Hello Bi Fang, I-

Bi Fang: -AHHH! STRANGER DANGER! STRANGER DANGER!

*Havik watches as he runs away towards the temple. He quickly teleports in front of him and grabs Bi Fang and puts a hand over his mouth to stop his screaming*

Havik: I am not here to harm you! I am here to fun with you!

Bi Fang: You do realize how fuckin creepy that sounds right?!

*Havik giggles and lets him go*

Bi Fang: Who the hell are you anyways?

Havik: I am the Cleric of Chaos! Me and your father worked together back in the day.

Bi Fang: Cleric of Chaos? You sound like a bad guy to me.

Havik: Well I wouldn’t say bad..It’s of no matter. I’m here to see if you’d like to come create some mischief with me!

Bi Fang: Why would I go anywhere with a fucking weirdo like you?!

Havik knew that the boy wouldn’t go with him this way, so he decided to use a bit of manipulation.

*Havik fakes a hurt expression, faces away from Bi Fang and starts sobbing*

Bi Fang: Hey, are you...crying?

Havik: *sniffles* I-i just hoped you’d be different is all.

Bi Fang: What do you mean?

Havik: Nobody wants to be my friend! They all think I am a freak! I thought you could understand what how it feels...to be rejected because you’re different...

*Bi Fang’s suspicious expression visibly softens*

Bi Fang: I do know how it feels...I don’t have many friends either, they all think I’m a freak too...hey I’ll be your friend, just don’t cry.

*Bi Fang hugs Havik*

Havik: Oh goodie! Now let us go have some fun!

Bi Fang: Where are we going?

Havik: Hehe, to create havoc of course!

So that’s exactly what they do. Havik teleports them to America, California where their disruption of the peace begins.

They run around pranking random people and they do every prank in the book.

They Teepee people’s houses, egg people’s cars, put a flaming bag of dog shit on someone’s front porch, put Whoopi cushions on the chairs of Starbucks, put bugs in people’s food, stink bombed stores, etc.

Havoc scares passerbys by taking his head off or breaking his knee caps or turning his torso 360 degrees. Bi Fang laughs his ass off at their freaked out people’s reactions.

They made this really buff big guy scream like a little girl and they laughed until it hurt.

Havoc was so delighted that he finally had a mini me. Bi Fang was way more fun than his killjoy father and uncle.

He would make a wonderful son and heir!

Of course, the cops were soon called on them and They soon found themselves surrounded by Stryker and Kabal, and a couple other cops.

Havik: Allow me to deal with these party poopers hehehehe.

(At this time Kabal and Stryker haven’t met Bi Fang yet and they don’t know he’s the Lin Kuei grandmaster’s son)

Bi Fang cheered him on as Havik made quick work of the squad of officers but when he went to finish off Kabal and Stryker. Bi Fang quickly intervened.

Bi Fang: Stop! You’re gonna kill them!

Havik: I know! It’s going to be so much fun to watch the life leave their eyes.

Bi Fang: ...You can’t kill them...it’s-it’s wrong!

Havik: Come now, Do not be so dull! Just think of the chaos it will cause in their loved one’s lives! Hehehe!

Bi Fang: Y-you’re starting to scare me...if you kill them...I-i won’t be your friend no more.

The chaos cleric glared at Bi fang for a couple of moments before he sighed and released the two beaten officers.

He didn’t want to run the boy off yet. He still had plans for him.

Havik: Very, well...say, all this mischief is making me hungry. Let’s go get something to eat.

*Havik takes the boy’s hand and starts pulling him away from the unconscious cops*

Bi Fang: Ya, I’m kinda hungry too, but where are we gonna eat? I don’t have any money.

Havik: Hehehe, who says we’re going to pay for the food?

So they go to a McDonald’s. All the employees look terrified of Havik and they don’t dare to stop him when he walks behind the counter and starts making a McFlurry.

Bi Fang decides to follow Havik’s suit and starts taking some chicken nuggets and fries. They run out of the McDonald’s before another group of cops can arrive.

It was getting late and Bi Fang was getting sleepy so the Chaosrealmer returned Bi Fang to his home. Before leaving Bi Fang asked if they could go have fun again tomorrow. To which Havik replied, anything for his best friend.

Once Havik disappeared, Bi Fang ran into his parents on his way to his bedroom.

Let’s just say, they weren’t too happy to learn who Bi Fang has spent the day with. Especially Bi Han, who was livid that Havik had the nerve to kidnap his child.

Bi Fang: He said you two knew each other.

Bi Han: That doesn’t mean he is someone good or trustworthy! You know you shouldn’t speak to anyone that isn’t Lin Kuei! You are to never speak to that freak again! Understand?!

Bi Fang: He’s not a freak! He’s my friend, and he likes hanging out with me! Not like you!

*Bi Han is about to scream at his son but Sareena steps in*

Sareena: Bi Fang, you do not realize how dangerous that man truly is. He is most likely trying to manipulate and use you.

*Bi Fang starts tearing up*

Bi Fang: N-no! You’re wrong! He’s like me-

Bi Han: -Enough! Go to your room! And do not come out until I say so!

Bi Fang runs to his room crying. Bi Han feels a bit regretful for upsetting him so much, but he has the Chaos Cleric to deal with first.

He, Kuai Liang, and Smoke go to the Chaosrealm and face Havik. Bi Han is on Havik’s ass before he could even greet them. Bi Han is strong enough to pin the Cleric to the ground and starts choking him.

Havik: Y-you...se-em upset...with m-me, Bi Han...

Bi Han: *growls* How dare you kidnap my son! I’ll rip out your heart!

Havik: W-as...not kidnap, h-he came willing-ACH

*Bi Han tightens his hold on Havik’s throat. Kuai steps in and pull Bi Han off of the cleric*

Kuai Liang: Why did you take him to America? What scheme are you plotting Havik? 

Havik: What schemes? I only wanted to show the boy some fun! Your child is a riot! He is the son I have always dreamed of! Hehehe!

*Bi Han lunges at Havik again but this time Havik evades him*

Bi Han: HE IS NOT YOUR SON! HE IS MINE!

Smoke: You expect us to believe you did this for fun?

Havik: ....Yes. Do you really expect me to make sense?

*The 3 Lin Kuei stare him for a couple moments and then look at each other*

Bi Han: I am warning you now Chaos Cleric. If you ever go near my son again I will rip apart limb from limb, and give your remains to demons and they will torture you for the rest of eternity...

Havik: Oh Bi Han, do not threaten me with a good time. Fine, I will leave your boy alone. You have my word.

*crosses his toes in his boot*

Havik was lying of course. But it was enough to get the Lin Kuei and Bi Han to return to Earthrealm.

Havik wasn’t going to give up on Bi Fang just yet. The potential of havoc that boy could unleash was amazing. Somehow, Bi Fang will become his son, and together they will plunge the realms into chaos.

(I’m gonna end it here bc it became longer than I meant it to be. Hope you enjoyed)

#havik #bi fang #bi han #sareena #kuai liang #noob saibot #sub zero #kabal #kurtis stryker #lin kuei #chaosrealm #mortal kombat #my au

[argylemnwrites]

Change of Plans - Part 1

Pairing: Drake Walker x MC (Riley Liu)

Book: The Royal Romance (An It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment universe AU, set nearly 3 years after that epilogue)

Word Count: ~3000

Rating: PG-13 (just some adult language)

Summary: Living in NYC in March 2020 is redefining normal for Drake and Riley. Life doesn’t always go according to plan during a pandemic, after all.

Author’s Note: Ummmm, I tried to avoid writing this. I really did. But as I was sitting down to do some detailed outlines for the It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment sequel, all my brain kept wanting to explore was COVID-19 content in that universe. At first, I just bullet pointed some head canons, hoping that would be enough to scratch the itch. But it wasn’t. The fact of the matter is if you’ve read anything I’ve written, you know I’m all about grounding the Choices characters and stories in the real world to a certain degree. So to write an AU where Drake and Riley live in New York City and not address the horrible crisis that city is facing just didn’t feel true to me as a writer.

That being said, I understand fanfic is often an escape from the real world. I understand that addressing the current pandemic at all might not be your thing, even though I don’t take it to any truly sad or tragic places. So, no worries, this is an AU inside my AU. This will not be an “official” part of the sequel. It’s its own little two-part piece that inches a bit more firmly into the real world than the actual sequel, Why Are We Still Waiting?.

So, tagging all my usual It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment taglists, but no hard feelings if this is just a little too real. I will mention that this does hint at or reference some events from the prologue and the first couple of chapters of Why Are We Still Waiting?, but it does not spoil the core content of the story. Plus, to be fair, it’s not like I write things with big plot twists really. Much like It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment was essentially a Drake character study, Why Are We Still Waiting? is a Riley Liu character study, and I’m not really sure you even can spoil those.

Alright, I’ve rambled in this AN for far too long already. In case you skimmed and missed it, Trigger warning for coronavirus discussions.

Drake glanced up from his laptop as he heard the locks click on the apartment door, Riley and Anderson walking through a few seconds later. Riley unclasped Anderson’s leash and hung it on the hooks Drake had installed, followed by her coat and her keys, before sliding off her shoes and going straight into the kitchen to wash her hands. The space next to their door had become their “dirty zone.” For now, they weren’t changing all their clothing when they got back inside, but Drake was thinking that doing so should probably be their next step.

Taking Anderson out was now basically the only time either one of them left the apartment. With Riley being furloughed from her PR firm on Friday and Drake working from home for all of last week, there really wasn’t any other reason to do so. At the moment, they were doing okay for food and whatnot, but Drake was not looking forward to having to deal with that in the upcoming weeks. He wasn’t sure whether they should switch to just getting delivery that they could safely reheat, but exposing themselves to a new driver every couple of days, or if they should risk making a trip to Foodtown and stocking up for a few weeks just once. Deep down, he knew the latter was the better option, but neither of them had been to a bodega or grocery store in the past week, and he was kind of dreading it now that more people were starting to take this seriously since the schools were closed. Maybe he could pull out the box of five masks he’d bought when he was sanding down and repainting the dresser and see if he had one left for each of them.

For the past four days, with both of them with nowhere to be, they’d alternated who was leaving the relative safety of their apartment to get a little fresh air with the dog. Even before that, Riley was just going to work and coming straight home, and she’d been riding an old bicycle she bought from a coworker to avoid the subway. But now, she had nowhere to be and neither did he. On her first day at home, Drake had been reluctant to have Riley go out at all now that she didn’t need to do so. He’d seen the news stories about the hate crimes popping up against Asian Americans, and it seemed like an unnecessary risk. But he knew that he wasn’t going to be able to convince her to essentially become a shut in while he left the apartment a couple of times every day to walk Anderson. Plus, as she had pointed out, she was still in her 20s and wasn’t a former smoker, so by all accounts, she was medically a lower risk than him. Still, he got nervous every time she left and always felt a little better when she came back.

Overall, Drake knew things could be a lot worse for the two of them. Because of his conversations with Liam, he’d been slowly stocking up on nonperishables for the past month or so. He had not only a permanent job, but one with a law firm that allowed him to work from home. They had a one bedroom, not a studio, so Riley didn’t have to stay silent during his Zoom meetings with his boss or team. But losing Riley’s salary was certainly not great for them. They’d be okay for at least the next month, but going forward, things might get a little tight. Not only that, but Riley was clearly going stir crazy already, with no one to see and nothing to do. Well, nothing to do except send emails and make calls to Texas to postpone their wedding.

In the grand scheme of things, Drake knew that postponing a wedding was a minor loss. In fact, if that was the worst loss that they suffered at the end of all this, they would be very fortunate. And now that the president had banned travel from Europe, there was little chance of the majority of their already small guest list being able to make it. But it still sucked, particularly since they’d already had to postpone last year. 

He and Riley had talked about it last week, after the travel ban came down. Even though the wedding was seven weeks away, it had just seemed like the smart call to start cancelling things now instead of waiting until the last minute. The original plan had been for him to make the needed calls and whatnot since he was working from home, but since Riley now had infinite free time, she’d contacted everyone except his mother and aunt, who he had called over the weekend. His mother had been confused at first, saying she didn’t understand why they needed to postpone already and that she was sure it will have all “blown over” by May. Aunt Leona, on the other hand, had seemed pleased by the decision, telling him she was glad he wasn’t bringing that “Chinese virus” down to them from New York. Drake wasn’t sure whose response was more infuriating.

As Riley flopped down on the couch next to him, she let out a loud sigh. When he’d been working out of their apartment and she’d still been going into the office, they’d tried to maintain some distance at home. It had been pretty difficult, though. Although this place was way bigger than her old studio, they still just had the one bathroom, and obviously they were still sleeping in the same bed. Drake had known it had probably been smart of them to spread out as best they could, but he was kind of relieved when Riley had just curled up next to him on the couch this weekend, saying that it was stupid to try and pretend that they were even coming close to effectively socially distancing from one another. Plus, now that she wasn’t going into work, they basically carried the same risk of exposure. 

Although she was sitting next to him now, she didn’t make any move to actually touch him. Sensing she wanted to talk about something, he moved his laptop from his knees to the coffee table in front of them. Sure enough, her head landed in his lap not even a full minute later. This had become her habit over the years, to lay down on the couch and put her head across his lap whenever there was something she wanted to talk to him about, usually something serious that she didn’t want to deal with but knew they needed to deal with together.

“So, everything’s pushed back to November 7th,” she said after a couple of moments of silence, “We had to put down another deposit with the florist who was a real asshole about it, but the band, the photographer, and the caterers were really accommodating.” Her fingers traced random patterns across his forearm as she spoke, but her eyes remained closed, almost as if she couldn’t bring herself to look him in the eye and see their shared disappointment reflected there.

“Thanks, Liu. I’ll call Mom tomorrow and let her know.” 

“I did try for October, but the caterers and the florist didn’t have any availability.”

“November’s fine. If the weather’s shitty, we can just have the ceremony inside the barn and the reception in the house. Our guest list is tiny, anyway.”

His statement hung there in the air. There was kind of this unspoken agreement between the two of them to just be matter of fact about postponing. It was a global pandemic. It had to happen. Being upset about it wasn’t going to make things any better. But sometimes, it just hurt, thinking about all their planning and excitement that was just on hold again. The scattered pieces of wedding favors and leftover invitations and the planning binder that Hana had started for them that were visible in every corner of the apartment didn’t help either. They were now mixed in with stacks of dog food, rice, and paper towels, a grim blend of the future they wanted with their new reality.

They didn’t even have any place to tuck the wedding crap out of sight at this point, as their closets and cupboards were filled to the brim with extra supplies. But without a car, Drake had just wanted to make sure they could minimize trips out if… no, when shit really hit the fan. And it’s not like they had that much storage space in their apartment anyway. But now they would have to live with constant reminders that they couldn’t get married and their lives were essentially on hold. 

He at least still had work to distract himself with. Now that Riley had cancelled everything, she really didn’t have anything she could focus on to distract herself. He just felt bad for her. “I’m sorry, Liu.”

“For what? None of this is your fault,” Riley said, her eyes popping open and gazing up at him, her hand continuing to trace patterns across the skin of his arm.

Drake sighed, dropping his head to the back of the couch and staring up at the ceiling. “I guess I feel guilty that I didn’t get us to Cordonia when I could.” He had been contemplating calling Savannah or Maxwell and seeing if they could come stay with them for a while. Leave the crazy population density that was New York City. Staying at the palace would mean bad optics for Liam, but he figured at least two of the three adults at Ramsford would probably be okay with hosting him and Riley and Anderson. But while he’d been weighing their options with Riley, Liam had closed all flights into Cordonia except for citizens returning home. Since Riley had never become a Cordonian citizen, they were out of luck. Drake knew that if he asked Liam, he would grant Riley some sort of royal exception, but he wasn’t going to put Liam in that position. The last thing Liam needed on his plate was making an accommodation for Riley.

Drake felt Riley’s head leave his lap, and soon her hands were on his shoulders, giving them a gentle squeeze. “Drake, we both were unsure if it was the right call.” 

He just shook his head. She could have had Maxwell to spend time with while he worked. Anderson could have gone on walks safely across the grounds and vineyards. But he hadn’t been decisive enough and now it was too late. “I should have seen the writing on the wall.”

“Look at me.” Her voice was firm and carried enough of an edge that Drake complied, tipping his head back to find Riley kneeling next to him on their couch, staring at him with eyes that were somehow intense and sympathetic simultaneously. “We both were concerned about flying right now. We both were unsure about being in a house with both a baby and a toddler and possibly bringing the infection to them. We both wanted to wait to see what would happen. I don’t know why you insist on taking the blame here when we both weren’t sure if heading to Cordonia was the right call.”

“I just wish there was a way to protect you from this.”

She shook her head, “You think I don’t want that, too?”

“I know, Liu. I just feel like…” he trailed off, unable to finish his thoughts. He could have never imagined a situation where he couldn’t take care of her. Keep her safe. But there was nothing he could do about any of this. It just made him feel so powerless.

“Me too, Drake,” she said, tilting her head and sliding her hand down his arm and twining their fingers together. “But nothing else to do but ride this out. Well, that and hope we don’t drive each other too crazy over the upcoming weeks,” she added with a little chuckle. “What time do you think you’ll finish up today?”

“I dunno,” Drake said with a shrug. Since he was a naturally early riser, he’d been getting up and started on his files for the day hours before Riley was waking up, trying to get his work done by mid afternoon most days so that she didn’t feel banished to the bedroom too much. He knew she felt like a distraction to him when he was working, and though he didn’t want to admit it, she kind of was. “By 3:30, I’d guess.”

“Okay,” she replied, letting go of his hand and bouncing off the couch. “I guess it’s time for me to read up on my insurance options. I’ve been putting this off, but it’s probably better to sign up sooner rather than later.”

Drake frowned as she rounded the corner and went down the little hallway to their bedroom. He’d not thought about the fact that her being furloughed might impact her health insurance. He probably should have. Getting way better health insurance when he’d gotten hired as a permanent employee had been a big deal, after all. This employment-connected health insurance thing still just felt strange to him, though.

A thought occurred to him. He minimized the folder of digital files he was reviewing and cataloguing, pulling up instead a search engine. He landed on the city clerk’s website a couple of minutes later, scanning over the requirements, then checking the time. This could work.

“Hey, Liu!” he called out, striding over to the bedroom. Her laptop was in front of her as she lounged on her stomach, Anderson curled up right next to her. She glanced up as he reached the doorway.

“What’s up?”

“Let’s get married.”

She blinked a couple of times and pulled her head back slightly as she cocked it to the side, “Uhh, sounds good, but that was kind of already the plan.” She waved her left hand in the air, his grandmother’s ring catching the light intermittently. “I mean, I’m glad you still want to and everything, but seeing as I did just spend the whole morning rescheduling our entire wedding, I would have been pretty pissed at you if you changed your mind.”

Drake shook his head and rolled his eyes. “No, let’s get married tomorrow.”

Riley’s eyes widened. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah. We can go down to the city clerk’s office now and get our marriage license so we can get married tomorrow.”

“Where is this coming from?”

Drake walked over and sat down on the bed next to her, pointing toward her laptop. “You were going to go on my health insurance after the wedding anyway, right? So let’s do that now instead of having to pay for shitty coverage for you.”

She gave him a gentle little smile, closing her laptop and sliding up onto her knees next to him. She placed one hand between his shoulder blades, rubbing gentle circles before she spoke.

“You are a very sweet marshmallow of a man, you really are. But I know you. And I don’t want you to feel like we have to rush to do this now. We’ll be fine if we wait for the lovely wedding we planned down on the ranch with all of our friends there.”

He shook his head, “I want to do this. The question is, do you?”

“You don’t actually want to do this.”

“Of course I want to do this! You think I give a shit about who’s there or what we wear or if we have the right flowers or what we have for dinner?”

“Yeah, I do. Drake, you may not be much for pomp and glitz, but this wedding that we’ve been planning for years now? I think it matters to you. I think you want Liam and Maxwell and Hana and your mother and sister and niece and nephew there. I think you want to hear our friends toast us and to see Maxwell make a fool of himself on the dance floor and to have Bartie be the ring bearer and that’s okay. It’s okay to want to celebrate with everyone. We can wait until we can do that. This doesn’t have to just be a... logistical arrangement.”

Drake paused for a moment. She wasn’t wrong, exactly. Those were things he wanted. But right now, they seemed like little, insignificant details. 

“Look, Liu. You’re right. The thing that prompted me to think about marrying you right now was the practical reasons. But as everything becomes a total shit show, I just feel like the only protection I can offer you is this one. And in an ideal world - sure, I would want the nice little wedding we planned in Texas. But the world has changed a whole fucking lot in the past couple weeks, and nothing is exactly ideal anymore. And if my choices are waiting almost eight months to have the wedding we planned or to marry you tomorrow, I pick marrying you tomorrow. Because, yeah a wedding down on the ranch with our friends sounds great, but the whole point of that wedding is that I get to be your husband. And that’s all I really want.”

She gave him a warm smile and kissed him deeply, sliding her hand up his back and threading her fingers through his hair as his hands fell to her hips. After a few moments, she pulled back.

“So, you aren’t going to look back with regret and feel like we rushed things?”

“I’ve been ready to marry you for years. This doesn’t feel like we’re rushing. It feels like it’s about damn time. At least for me.”

Riley nodded, glancing down. Drake followed her gaze to her left hand, resting gently on her knees.

“It’s not a rush for me either.”

“So, what are you thinking? Should we get married tomorrow?” Drake asked, grabbing her hand in his, staring at her downturned face for a few seconds before she looked up and met his gaze.

“Yeah,” she said, a wide grin sliding onto her face, “Let’s fucking do this.”

Permatag: @ravenpuff02 @octobereighth @drakewalker04 @kimmiedoo5 @speedyoperarascalparty @mfackenthal @lilyofchoices @thequeenofcronuts @jamesashtonisbae

The Royal Romance/The Royal Heir: @kingliam2019 @sirbeepsalot @texaskitten30 @princessleac1 @ladyangel70 @dcbbw @yaushie

Drake x MC only: @jovialyouthmusic @iplaydrake @gibbles82 @drakewalkerisreal @riley--walker @notoriouscs @butindeed @addictedtodrakefanfic @drakesensworld  

It Couldn’t Wait Another Moment: @wickedgypsymoon @thesumofmychoices @cosigottahavefaith @thequeenchoices @katedrakeohd @feartheendlesssummer @ao719 @ooo-barff-ooo @sunnyxdazed​  

#drake walker #drake x mc #trr fanfic #trr au #trr au fanfic #tw: coronavirus

[dammitadolfnomorecake]

Undercover Lover prt 7

7

Three days off suddenly were rare. A storm had rolled through Shinganshima leaving most of the city without power. Even with the back up generator at work, it was too dark to work safely, Rod forced to send them home until power was restored. Sitting in a daze on his sofa, Eren damn near jumped out of his when there was a knock on his door. Having spent the majority of the day sleeping, he’d been intending on enjoying the last of the sun light before turning back in when it got dark again... not that there was any on account of the rain.

Dragging himself off the sofa, Eren sighed as headed to the door. Unlocking the chain and turning the deadbolt, he expected it to be one of his neighbours needing help. He’d already had to help the lady down the hall when her kid accidentally locked her out her apartment. The kid too upset and too young to calm down, so he’d climbed up the fire escape and coaxed the kid through the window until finally he was let in and able to unlock the door for her. Instead, Levi stood there. The man wet from the downpour outside. Shopping bags hung from both arms

“You going to make me fucking stand here dripping filth, or are you going to let me in”

Moving aside, Levi grumbled about the “shitty fucking rain” as he slipped past, Eren closing and the locking door behind the alpha, confused as to what was happening

“Sure, come in, make yourself at home. What are you doing here?”

“Tch. You can blame Hanji. Fucked up and told her we’ve got work off on account of the weather”

“And that led to you...”

“Escaping. Besides, this place is a fucking dump”

That explained sweet fuck all. Sure, they’d talked the day after Levi’s fight. The alpha hiding bruised knuckles under his gloves, Eren scolding him that he should have iced his hands when he got home. It seemed he’d never escape being a doctor’s son

“I was planning on sleeping through the storm”

Levi had already dumped the bags of shopping on the bench, sorting through them as Eren watched on

“Tch. Tough shit. I can’t go home with Hanji on the loose. She brought way too much shit over yesterday, consider it payment for hiding me from her”

“She’s not that”

“Tell me that again in a few years time”

Eren’s heart gave a weird beat at the thought of knowing Levi years from now. It simply wasn’t going to happen. People moved on... he’d be moving on. Still, Levi was there now

“Sure. Remind me and I’ll remind you. She does know the power’s out?”

“Yep. It’s all canned shit and long life shit. Who knows what they put in that crap”

Canned food made up much of his diet. Cooking for one was never as much fun as cooking for friends and family

“Probably a lot less shit than you find in cigarettes. I still don’t know why you came here”

Levi paused, before turning to Eren, frowning heavily. Eren had never seen anyone frown as much as Levi did... it was kind refreshing to see someone so honest and not forcing a fake smile to his face because that’s what he thought was expected. Levi’s scent was also kind of refreshing... Except something was bleeding through and Eren couldn’t pinpoint what that meant

“Because I had all this and nothing to do with it. And she doesn’t have your address. If I went to Erwin’s she’d be there in a heartbeat. There’s only so many of her theories you can listen to before the urge to strangle sets in”

“Right, well, I’ve got to warn you, there’s nothing good on TV”

Levi needed a moment for that one, before a can of something was thrown at him. Eren finding himself laughing as Levi huffed

“You nearly had me for a second”

“Would I be making it worse if I said I’d been watching the same show all day”

Lobbing another can at him, Eren felt his mood lightening. Despite how grumpy on the outside Levi was, he still held a somewhat childish streak from the look of it

“You’re a brat”

“I’ve been told. Still, with the power out, there isn’t a lot to do”

“You got cards?”

“Somewhere...”

From Mikasa... for when he’d babysit his niece and nephew... They would have grown so much since he last saw them. Only God knew what Mikasa had told them about why Uncle Eren wasn’t around any more

“Good. There’s some shitty candles in here somewhere. That should be enough light to kick your arse”

“How bold of you to presume you’re going to win”

Resuming pulling items out the bags, Levi joked back

“Even bolder of you to presume I won’t. Go sit down or something, you’re too damn tall”

Dropping the two cans on the bench, Eren headed to his bedroom. All his personal shit still remained pretty much boxed up. In the kitchen Levi was bagging cupboard doors, Eren could only shake his head. He didn’t know how to handle having Levi over again, yet he couldn’t bring himself to be an unhappy about having a visitor...

*

Levi didn’t know what he was doing. He’d lied to Eren. He’d shown up, then lied. He couldn’t exactly tell Eren he’d shown up worried about his health given the storming weather outside. It wasn’t a complete lie. Hanji had asked him how Eren was. Levi didn’t have his number, so couldn’t just call the brat to make sure he hadn’t gone and expired from whatever stomach bug he’d seemed to be suffering from for the last two weeks. Heck. He didn’t even know what Eren actually had wrong with him, no, he just knew that the brat had been looking worse and worse since their chat and it didn’t sit right with him.

Having cleaned his apartment through, the memory of Eren’s sadly dreary apartment decided to haunt his arse. The kid was probably huddled up all sniffly, sick as a dog, with no one there to drag him to hospital if he collapsed. Technically Hanji was a trained medic, but he could hardly turn up with her on Eren’s doorstep. Gathering up a bunch of random shit out of his cupboards, the fact that Eren had met Hanji actually worked in his favour. Blame it on her and Eren would never question it.

“I’ve got Uno... and it’s pink”

Walking out his bedroom, Eren seemed to be reading the back of the box. Fucking uno not his first choice if he’d had one

“Uno comes in pink?”

“My sister bought it for when I’d baby sit my niece and neph-... never mind. It’s that or nothing”

Right. Levi vaguely remembered hearing about this “mythical sister”. Whenever Eren seemed to think he was getting too close to opening up, he’d shut right down. Levi not knowing how to deal with that given all of his friends had big fucking mouths

“So you’ve got a sister? And she’s got kids? Look at Uncle Eren now”

Eren snorted with a shake of his head

“Oh, she would not approve of this at all. But yeah... She got married at 22, then popped out Mina and Thomas while still managing a full time job”

Levi let out a whistle. Kids were a damn handful at the worst of times. His “niece” took after her mother in every way possible

“Reminds me of Izzy and Farlan. They’ve got a daughter. Farlan was paranoid he’d be the worst dad ever...”

“What about you? Any cranky Levi juniors running around?”

God. Hell no. Kids with their sticky fingers, snotty faces and no etiquette as they chewed like cows, were not his idea of fun. He knew he wasn’t the easiest person to get along with, and had yet to meet anyone he actually wanted in his life that long

“Tch. No. There’s a reason they invented condoms”

“That there is. I still feel kind of bad you came all this way. You’re still wet from the rain”

Did Eren really have to remind him? God only knew what germs clung to his damn clothes

“It’s fucking filthy. I’m stealing a shower once I’ve got this shit away”

“You can chuck your clothes through the dryer... I know I’ve got germs and all, but I’ve got clean clothes if you want to borrow something”

Levi sighed heavily at thought of the ridiculousness of him in Eren’s clothes

“One of your goddamn shirts would be a dress on me”

“So you’re used to wearing dress- stop throwing shit at me!”

Lobbing a can, Levi smacked him the shoulder. Too bad the brat couldn’t catch. Not sure if he’d actually be let in, Levi hadn’t thought to bring a change of clothes. Fuck. He’d fucked this up. His anxiety over showing up shattering his normally impassive look at the world. Eren was the first friend he’d made in a while, and the first that didn’t look down on his bare knuckle way of getting shit done. He still couldn’t quite believe he’d fucked the lanky shit, or that he’d actually enjoyed doing so. This was why tea would forever reign as the best drink in all situations

“Stop being a shit and I won’t keep throwing things at you”

Throwing a hand up, Eren getting cranky brought a certain delight with it

“This is my apartment!”

“I’ve seen turds with more street appeal than this place. No wonder you’ve looked so sick lately”

He’d crossed a line. Eren visibly tensing. Shit. Fuck. Even his alpha was shaking its head at him, telling him gone and shot himself in the foot. Eren’s voice several degrees colder as he asked

“Is that why you’re really here?”

“I already told you, Shitty Hanji forced this on me. Besides, if you up and die, who’s going to work all the over time at the garage?”

Eren seemed guarded, though his posture did relax marginally, voice still colder than before as he fidgeted with the Uno box

“You know... actually. No. I don’t particularly feel like going into this. I’m fine. Not going to drop dead anytime soon”

That was deserved. Levi didn’t have a right to be prying. He didn’t know why he was... or what was it about the brat that drew him in. He’d been through so much shit and knew from personal experience that getting close to people would only end badly. How he managed to still have friends was beyond him

“That’s good to know. Light some candles already, it’s dark as fuck in here”

Eren sighed heavily, shaking his head at whatever thought had popped into his brain

“Yes, sir”

That was another goddamn thing about Eren. Every time he called him “Sir”, Levi’s alpha felt a sense of pride. Having had his alpha so long, and having been called “Sir” many a time, the pride aspect should have worn off. Eren never failed to rile it back when being a cheeky shit. Rod’s warning hadn’t left his head, but Levi seemed to be pulled towards the brat in a way that made him doubt there was any kernel of truth in the other alpha’s words. He hardly would have turned up there if he really believed Eren capable of murder. His own self preservation instincts would have kicked in had his alpha felt the fellow alpha a threat. And, honestly, what kind of dark killer had pink Uno cards?!

#undercoverlover #undercover lover

[rinnnyxr]

Have You Ever…

-

I’m listening to music right now. A friend came over to my house today. My mom is going back to school to get a degree. I’m going to see a movie this weekend. My high school has (had) a lot of pep rallies. I hate it when glue-sticks get all gross and goopy. I would love to be on the game show “Jeopardy!” I have seen and loved the movie “Pineapple Express.” My parents aren’t going to be home tonight. In one of my classes today, I got a pop quiz. Going to sporting events bores me. I love South Park. I have seen a play or musical on broadway. I know what “mugging it” means. The last thing I had to drink was water. I worked out today. I use shower gel to clean myself in the shower. I know someone who can speak/write in Japanese. I have taken a college class. Something embarrassing happened to me in a game of truth or dare. I know what “IHOP” stands for. I need to charge my cell. I am/was in the marching band. I’m wearing long sleeves right now. I’ve seen the movie “Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny.” It irritates me when people use incorrect spelling/grammar. I listen to Britney Spears. Currently, someone is avoiding me. I think Nair is the worst thing ever. I love Indian cuisine. My favorite flavor of Mentos is strawberry. It’s snowing outside. I get a ride from my parents to school. I absolutely hate where I live. My favorite band has a “the” in front of it. My fingers and toes get really cold all the time. I have an odd sense of humor. Breakfast cereal is the shit. When I was a kid, I took fruity vitamins every day. I ate a cookie today. I love ridiculously large purses/bags. It’s so annoying when people don’t text back. I wasn’t born in the same place that I live now. Someone in my family is in the military. I just want to throw my computer out the window. I’ve purchased something today. I count birds sitting on power lines. I should be doing something else right now. I’ve stayed in a hospital overnight before.

-

Words I say a lot umm | like | dude | okay | alrighty | awesome | amazing | man | aww | great

Things I do a lot drink caffeine | talk | take surveys | make surveys | eat | forget things | move around/fidget | listen to music | procrastinate

Things I rarely or never do have sleepovers | party | talk on the phone | watch TV and movies | stay up really late | take boring surveys | end relationships

Things I plan on doing today Playing piano | eating more food | babysitting | hanging out with my boyfriend/best friend | going for a walk | trying to have a good day | relaxing

Foods/beverages I love pasta | meats | Arizona tea | coffee | caffeine, in general, | mashed potatoes | cheese | pickles | crackers | fruit juice

Things that sound fun to me target practice | long walks | eating out with friends | longboarding | concerts/shows | amusement parks | having people over for dinner | camping for a whole weekend

Things that don’t sound fun to me staying at home and watching TV all day | laying on the beach tanning | going shopping for a full day | going to school all day long | sleeping half the day away | walking across town

Things I love wearing band t-shirts | dresses | Converse | plain skate shoes | shorts | jeans | cute underwear, bras, and socks | bracelets | t-shirts with random designs

Some bands I listen to Metallica | Megadeth | Children of Bodom | The Misfits | Motionless In White | Slipknot | Avenged Sevenfold | Bullet For My Valentine | Exodus | Guns N’ Roses | Mastodon | A Day To Remember | The Devil Wears Prada | The Word Alive | Attila | Dethklok | Escape The Fate | Five Finger Death Punch | Fear Factory | Kataklysm | Lamb of God | Pantera | Marilyn Manson | Opeth | Pink Floyd | Van Halen | Motley Crue | Aerosmith | AC/DC | Led Zeppelin

Other random facts about me I have shot a real gun more than once before | I could talk about music for hours on end | I have a hard time sitting still, but enjoy being energetic | I am extremely impatient | I get very emotional | Music doesn’t stop me from crying because I am so emotionally attached to it that it makes me want to cry more | I have serious trouble picking favorites | I hate lying | I find beauty in things not many others around me can see | I think gargoyles are awesome

-

There are 4+ people in my house right now. I countdown to exciting events. I can’t live without my iPod. I go to the mall for more than twice a month. I have a photo album. I take random pictures 24/7 to put on my Myspace. I’m ¼ black. I have more than 5 pets. I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I’m always confused. I can never wear all black. People say I look like my mom. I have big eyes. I have many different hairstyles. I’m not a morning person. I know at least one person with the name John. I download ringtones on my phone constantly. I sit in the back of all my classes. I live in NJ and have never been to the Jersey Shore. Big sunglasses are sexy. I’m definitely not a cat person. I have no life. I go to school with someone from my family. One of my friends looks like one of my cousins. I’m using a laptop. ^ I didn’t buy it myself; it was a gift. My most recent ex is single. I tend to overthink things a lot of the time. I’ve never cheated on anyone. I know a few people my age who have children. ^I’m not ready for children yet. My current hair color is my natural color. I’m feeling kind of guilty about something right now. One of my best friends is gay. I sometimes get messages from random people on Tumblr, telling me that I’m beautiful. ^I don’t really agree. I like the underwear I’m wearing; it’s pretty. Sometimes if I get too upset or stressed out, I start to feel ill. Someone of the opposite sex is on my mind. It took me months to get over my ex. I always use conditioner when I wash my hair. I’m blood-related to the last person I talked to. One of my best friends is engaged. If my ex phoned me now, I would be quite surprised. ^But I’d answer. I used to love “The Wizard of Oz”. I like 90s music. The last person I kissed has told me that they love me. ^But I don’t think they meant it. I haven’t been out drinking for ages. I had a really weird dream last night. My birthday is less than a month away. I really want cuddles; I wish someone would hug me. I want to see someone. ^But the person I want to see is too busy. I have lots of friends on Facebook that I don’t really talk to. I was sad when Whitney Houston died; I like her songs. I don’t really regret anything; there’s no point. I never drink milk. I hugged someone of the opposite sex last night. I hardly ever use Skype/video chat. When I checked Facebook this morning, I had some unread messages. I have a crush on the last person that Facebook messaged me. People say I look like my dad. I’ve had a panic attack before. People can always tell when I’m upset, even though I try not to show it. My sleeping patterns are kind of messed up. I’m currently wearing something black. I think Rihanna is pretty. Only a few of my friends use Tumblr. I don’t think I would ever go back to my ex. ^I’d still like to be friends though. My last beverage was hot. Today was a bit boring; I hope tomorrow is better.

[maren-as-an-adult]

The 2020 Experience, Part 4

December was...rough. Every free moment I had was spent looking for better paying jobs and more apartments. Christmas gifts were planned and purchased under extreme budget. I had an upcoming OB-GYN appointment. And the accumulated stress finally broke me physically and mentally.

I started noticing it when I had my OB-GYN appointment. My appointment wasn’t until 4:30pm, but I wanted to get some Christmas shopping done, so I took an early train into Atlantic Terminal to do some shopping in and around Barclay’s Center. I didn’t have breakfast before I left, so I grabbed a latte and a slice of iced lemon cake from Starbucks. There were some benches outside where I sat down and ate. Afterwards, I hit up Target and Marshall’s. Once I was in line for Marshall’s, I started feeling... off. I could feel my pulse rushing in my face, and my stomach felt simultaneously empty and twisted upside down. I couldn’t tell if I felt like I was going to vomit or poop, or if I was just really gassy and needed to fart. I made it through purchasing and left to sit down somewhere, anywhere. I think I settled down in front of either TJ Maxx or Burlington on the ground. I pulled my knees into my chest, waiting and hoping for this feeling to pass. After about 15 minutes and no change, I knew I needed to find a bathroom. And in COVID times, I had a better chance of finding a four-leaf clover growing out of the concrete than a public toilet I could access.

Target, however, was my savior. Having purchased from them earlier, I happily took advantage of their open and clean bathroom facilities. I won’t go into too much detail, but I will say I spent a long time on that toilet trying to feel better. Eventually I had to move on, and I decided I would go outside and get as much fresh air as I could, hoping that would somehow cure me of this... whatever feeling it was. It helped, or at least that’s what I told myself as I slowly sipped water from my water bottle. I tried to make one last stop at one last shop before heading down to Bay Ridge for my OB-GYN appointment, but after two instances where I was forced to sit down again and wait for the feeling to pass to something barely more manageable, I decided the best course of action would be to arrive exceptionally early to my appointment and hope they had an unoccupied bathroom I could access.

Thankfully, they did. I somehow managed a thirty minute train ride, a ten minute wait for the bus, a ten minute bus ride, and a ten minute walk to the doctor’s office, where after filling out a few forms I retreated to their very clean single occupancy bathroom. I felt awful and wanted something done about it, so I open mouth breathed while kneeling in front of the toilet bowl for a while. It’s a technique I use when I feel like I may throw up and want to encourage my stomach to expel whatever’s clearly upsetting it. [I also wish to take this moment to make this very clear: I am not, nor have I ever been, bulimic. I don’t endorse or condone bulimia. I’m sure it’s very easy to read what I just wrote as inducing vomiting to purposefully purge, but it is not. I was not trying to make myself vomit, but I was prepared for that to happen should my body have decided that’s what it needed to do.] What ended up happening was about five minutes of dry heaving before my body apparently decided that because there was nothing there, that nothing was wrong anymore.

What was wrong with me? I hadn’t interacted with anyone who was sick, had I? I had recently started babysitting, could I have gotten something from one of the kids? Was I not as diligent as I thought I’d been with maintaining social distance and wearing a mask and sanitizing and washing my hands? Or was it something else? All I’d had to eat that day was some processed cake and a sugary latte, could I possibly have developed celiac disease overnight? Was my body finally shutting down it’s lactose-digesting functions? Was I just really overcaffeinated because I forgot to specify “half-caf” in my Starbucks order?

I posited these queries to my doctor while she poked around my vagina. She said it was possible I could be lactose intolerant or I could be crashing from the caffeine. When the staff had taken my temperature I wasn’t running a fever, so it wasn’t likely I’d caught anything off of someone. With a final fingering to gauge the position of my uterus (I learned it has a slight anterior tilt), my appointment was done and I was free to go home. Though I felt better, I decided against calling on my old roommates and to instead just head back to Graham’s. I made one last gift purchase before hopping on the LIRR, and my Christmas shopping was essentially done.

The feeling didn’t disappear though, and on some days it became unmanageable. My GI system was clearly in distress, and not a lot was helping. I found a few packs of ginger turmeric tea at Graham’s house and made myself a cup, firmly placing my faith in the healing properties of what some (uncultured) people call “hot leaf juice”. I think it helped, but I can’t be sure. I’d told Graham about what was going on and what I thought it could be, and he could sympathize and to a degree empathize. It wasn’t until one night when I was again dry heaving into a toilet bowl that Graham fully saw what an awful state I was in. I told him at this point I thought it was a manifestation of the stress we’d been under for the past eight weeks. For eight weeks we’d been searching for apartments, passing on nice ones just out of our budget, trying to come to terms with the infinite number of mediocre same-floor plan, same-color, same-appliances, same-building looking ones, and getting discouraged with the shitty, falling apart ones. I had spent my first Thanksgiving away from my family and had resigned myself to spending Christmas apart from my family for the first time as well. I’d had three separate COVID tests in the past two months. I hadn’t spoken to my therapist since before Thanksgiving. And I had spent the entire month at Graham’s family’s house, which was not something I had wanted.

I don’t mean to sound ungrateful. Truly, I’m indebted to Graham’s mom for letting me not only stay with them rent-free (but agreeing to walk their dogs) but also keep my stuff there while she is also getting ready to move out. But I have never felt comfortable calling someone else’s place my home. I cannot help but feel like an outsider, and no matter how many times people tell me to “make [myself] comfortable” and “help [myself] to whatever food there is” I will feel like an imposition and a burden. It’s only my anxiety coming through, but it comes through LOUD.

I finally scheduled an appointment with my therapist again, and poured all this out to him. I told him exactly how bad things had gotten, and not for the first time I considered asking to be prescribed anti-anxiety medication and possibly antidepressants. I decided to keep going without them...for now.

Christmas Eve came and Graham, his family, and I all celebrated together. We were gifted some lovely items to start our life living together, like a knife set, a set of glasses, new bedding, and a casserole dish. It was a lovely respite from the stress.

On Christmas Day, Graham and I went to see another apartment. This apartment was in the same building as the apartment we almost signed for, and the only differences were that this apartment was on a lower floor and didn’t have a balcony. It was also almost $100/month less than what we had almost agreed to. The owner said he would send over the application and answers to our questions on Monday. We both felt good about this apartment.

When Monday came with no e-mail from the guy, I reached out to him to ask when we could expect it. His response was that he had just been diagnosed with COVID-19 and now wanted to sell instead of rent. This became all too much for me, and when I got back into Graham’s car as we were out running errands, I started screaming. I hadn’t screamed like this since a particularly bad day of work I had back when I worked at Target. It was cathartic, but I felt cold and disconnected from Graham for the rest of the day. Something had broken inside me, and I wasn’t sure if it was my heart, my soul, my mind, or all three. It took a while for me to recover, and honestly I’m still hurt and feel betrayed by this guy. I understand I cannot speak for what’s best for him or what he felt he should have done, but Graham and I felt that we were given the runaround by this guy. We scheduled another COVID test for ourselves, and tried to move forward.

We made it to New Year’s Eve, and stayed up to watch 2020 end. New Year’s felt somber this year, and it felt hard to celebrate the start of a new year when the one we just went through was so damaging.

But we made it. We’re here, and it’s the first week of January in 2021. Currently there are radical conservatives storming the Capitol protesting the electoral college results, but in less than 20 days, Trump will be out of office. I’ve given myself goals that are manageable for the new year, and Graham and I have three applications out for three different apartments, and there’s a chance we may be able to get the apartment we saw on Christmas Day. We keep moving forward, because the alternative is to not move at all.

And I refuse to allow that for myself.

#part 4

[rosesandfandoms]

TxT: You cry while they’re away on tour.

Soobin:

Y/n deeply missed Soobin while he was away, but he was living his dream, so she was okay with it. She knew what she got into when she became Soobin's girlfriend. The fans supported him with coming out with a girlfriend. The only hard part was when Soobin went on tours and wouldn't come home for weeks, almost months.

"Today, we went to this fantastic restaurant, and walked around the city," Soobin explained as he and Y/n talked over Skype, "the people were nice, it was fun. I want to take you there someday."

Y/n tried to put on a brave smile. Not wanting to worry Soobin. Y/n was just missing him was all. And they haven't been dating long, so of course it's going to feel a little weird. However, Soobin did make up for it when he came back home, took her to his practices and everything. She just has to get used to the distance.

"Jagi, are you all right?" the leader asks worriedly, Y/n hasn't been acting her usual self. Normally she would be brightly smiling and telling him about her day, a cute puppy that she saw on the street, reminding her of her childhood dog, and a joke her friend told her.

"Yeah," Y/n put on a fake smile, "just a little tired is all. Studying for exams."

"Y/n, I know you, you don't look just tired," Soobin sighed, "you look like something is on your mind."

"It's nothing," Y/n reasoned.

"It's not nothing, come on Y/n, I may be on tour, but I am still your boyfriend. What's wrong," Soobin said calmly, but sternly. How'd he talk to the maknae's about finishing their schoolwork before they'd play games.

"I just miss you," Y/n sniffled.

"I miss you too, Y/n. It just a couple more weeks and then you'll be in my arms again." Soobin soothed, "when I come home, I'll give you all the cuddles you want. I love you."

"I love you too" Y/n breathed out, feeling a little better hearing his voice and promises.

Yeonjun:

Both of them were bummed. BigHit have Y/n the okay that she could go on tour with her boyfriend. But the odds weren't in her favor. Life made Tomorrow x Together's tour the same time that Y/n's University was having exams, and after begging that she could take the tests online, or earlier, her professors wouldn't let her. So yeah. Yeonjun and Y/n were upset. They had plans after Yeonjun was done doing whatever he had to do, and both were looking forward to going on this tour together. That didn't stop the many, many calls, texts, and video chats though. Y/n would send her boyfriend the answers and he would quiz her during a video chat.

"Right again," Yeonjun chuckled, "you're so smart that I bet you don't even have to study to pass a test."

"Thanks, but this is my worst subject, this lesson we just went over was the easiest," Y/n groaned laying back on her dorm rooms bed. Her roommate was gone for the weekend. Which was a good thing, Y/n didn't want her roommate seeing her cry the whole weekend and stuffing her face with most likely unhealthy food and binge-watching Do Ji Han shows.

After a few moments of silence, Y/n broke down in tears.

"Are you crying?" Yeonjun asked alarmed.

"Yeah," Y/n took a deep breath, "I'm tired, upset, and worn out. I just wish I was with you instead of taking these stupid exams."

"But those exams will pay off, you'll get your degree, and show everyone how smart my beautiful girlfriend is," Yeonjun spoke softly as he stepped outside, the rest of the boys were with him and he wanted to have some privacy once he heard the cries from his phone.

"I miss you so much, it would be easier if I had you here with me to study, you always give me the energy to make it through," Y/n cried harder.

"I'll tell you what, after your last exam, I'll buy you a plane ticket to so that you can meet us at our next stop and you can be on the rest of the tour and take a small break," Yeonjun suggested, "does that sound good? I'll talk to my manager and staff members."

"Yeah," Y/n cooled down, "I'll like that."

"Okay, I'll see you then jagi. Get some rest, you have a busy day tomorrow, I love you don't forget that." Yeonjun smiled at the screen, happy that his girlfriend was no longer crying.

Beomgyu:

The young couple had just gotten in a fight before Beomgyu left for his London tour. Y/n tried to get over it and move on, but the fight kept replaying, over, and over again. Getting louder each time. Why didn't they end the fight when it was getting worse? Did Beomgyu still love her? Is he thinking about her now, like she is him?  These questions burned at the back of her head, the flames making images in her mind, the times they'd sneak out to see each other when they'd just cuddle and little to music when Beomgyu would take endless Polaroids of the both of them, mostly Y/n, her favorite moments were when they'd cuddle and whisper sweet nothings in the other's ears. But will this all end? Just because of a fight? All couples fight, and it is healthy at times to fight, but what about this? Y/n shouldn't have jealousy plague her when she saw a girl get a little too close to Beomgyu, She should have listened to his side, actually listen to him, and trust that he'd never hurt her that way.

Wanting to settle her thoughts if they did really break up. Y/n picked up her phone and suggested a video chat with him. Regretting when he picked up on the almost to the last ring. I don't want to bother him, he's busy. I don't want to make him more upset. Y/n thought. Her heart beating faster as she heard his angelic voice, making her fall in love all over. This will be so hard if it's the end of us.

"Hello," Beomgyu appeared, from the looks of it, he was in bed. There was a bedside lamp on, his hair was messy.

"Did I wake you up?" Y/n asked, her voice almost shaking.

"No," Beomgyu sighed, running his free hair through his blonde hair, "I couldn't sleep."

"Well, you need to sleep, I'll call lat-" Beomgyu cut her off.

"Y/n what is it?" he sat up more in bed. Though they had a fight, he still loved her, and she wouldn't call him this late if something wasn't bothering her. He knows her all too well. The perks of having someone you love.

"I love you," Y/n finally broke down in tears, no longer able to hold them in, "I'm sorry about our fight. I don't want to break up. I miss you so damn much."

"Jagi, hey, take deep breaths," Beomgyu was fulling sitting up, alarmed, but also quiet since Huening Kai was passed out on the other bed, "who said anything about breaking up. It was just a fight, our first one at that, one was bound to happen. I love and miss you too."

"I want to be with you right now," Y/n sniffled, "you're living your dream and I love that, I just want to be in your arms right now."

"I know, I want you to be too," Beomgyu smiled softly, "I'll be home soon, and we'll talk in person about us, and how much I love you. Y/n, it's really late there, get some sleep."

"I love you," Y/n dried her tears.

"I love you too," Beomgyu dried the ones that were coming out of his own eyes.

Taehyun:

Date night. The madly in love couple were having date night over Skype. Couple Goals? Anyway, Taehyun was having a late-night snack, while Y/n was having a mid-afternoon snack. Both telling jokes, and each other about their days. Both missed each other, but they made the best of it. That's what you have to do in situations like these, when you love someone, you force it to work, and not care about the distance. However, Y/n was a little more emotional than normal. That time of the month came, she was cranky, tired of everyone and everything, wanted to have a good cry while sitting alone in a dark room, but most of all she wanted Taehyun's cuddles. Cramps were kicking in, and he always gave her the best cuddles he could manage when her body went through the torture.

"Tae, are you okay, you look upset?" Y/n asked, worried that he might not be feeling well,  is tired, or working himself too hard.

Her heart broke when she saw the little tear fall from his eye. Oh no, she as going to start crying too.

"I just really miss you, I'm tired, I can't fall asleep not knowing if you're one hundred percent okay and if your not next to me," Taehyun tried to wipe away the tears, but they just kept coming out, probably mainly from exhaustion.

"I miss you too, but we will get through this, like always, just a couple more weeks," tears started to come out of Y/n's eyes now too, seeing her boyfriend like this hurt her deeply. All she wanted to do right now was hold him as he cried and tell him that everything is going to be okay.

"I made you cry!" Taehyun froze, "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry."

"Kang Taehyun, you and I both know that if you start crying, so will I, so don't you dare apologize, there is nothing to be sorry about," Y/n said sternly, "I love you, it's late where you are and you're tired, so go to sleep, we can talk later."

"Okay, I love you too," Taehyun was shocked at the sudden outburst, but got over it when he remembered what week it was, "sleep in one of my shirts, it'll feel like I'm there."

"Who said I wasn't already!" Y/n said after a long pause.

Huening Kai:

Relationships can be hard. Especially when you are young and in love. Everyone will have an input on it, either you're too young to date or it'll be over in a month. They can also be hard when your family doesn't know that you're dating. Fun. But you know? Sometimes you have to keep it that way for a reason, and in this case is, Huening Kai, the Huening Kai. Y/n was the new girl when they met, literally new to the country. Her mother got a really good job as a professor and couldn't let it go away, so the L/n's moved to South Korea. One day, Y/n got up early and walked around town, got in the mood for some coffee before she'd go shop around, and ran into Huening Kai, who was is a rush to go back to the dorms and get some rest since he stayed up late just to practice for his fans, thank the Lord it was Saturday, they bumped into each other, coffee was spilled,  poor guy freaked and offered to buy her another one, they talked, magic happened, they became friends, then boom, a couple. Since it was still in the early stage, Y/n still had to get used to her boyfriend going on tours.

But one night, on a weekend, the couple talked together on Skype. Y/n had a long day at school, still trying to fit in, but she was managing, since she has made some friends. So she was tired and missing her boyfriend at the same time, her first friend she made since the move. And she couldn't help the tears that formed when Huening's handsome face appeared on the screen.

"Y/n it's just for a few days, I'll be back soon," the boy playfully teased.

"I know, I know, I'm still getting used to it." Y/n wiped away the tears.

"Don't cry, that makes me want to cry to and my hyungs are in the same room." Huening Kai told her when he saw more tears coming out of her e/c eyes, his remark caused giggles from his hyung.

"We've already seen you cry before, nothing new, especially when we boarded the plane and you were crying 'Yeonjun hyung, I don't want to say goodbye to my Y/n'." Yeonjun said overdramatically, "oww, Soobin don't throw a pillow at me, it's true, he was looking at her pictures the whole way here!"

"So you missed me too," Y/n laughed through her tears.

"Of course I did, you're my girlfriend." Huening Kai covered his face in embarrassment from his hyungs who were still teasing the daylights out of him.

"Girlfriend?" a voice came from behind Y/n, her eyes widened, "you're dating someone?"

"Mom!"

#tomorrowxtogether #txt #beomgyu #yeonjun #soobin #hueningkai #taehyun #tour #fluff #kpop

[trashmenofmarvel]

Devil’s Backbone - Chapter 6

Pairing: The Winter Soldier x S.H.I.E.L.D. agent!Reader

Summary: With your team dead and your mission failed, you’ve been taken by the assassin to an unknown location and are at the mercy of your cruel tormentors. (This fic is explicit, 18+ only, mild dubcon)

Chapter Warnings: Intrusive thoughts

Word Count: 2.7k

Tag List: @pandalandalopalis @insidethemindoftrent

AO3

The isolation was bearing down on you again.

The harsh walls of your cell were growing smaller, the surface so stark it hurt your eyes to stare for too long. The quiet pressed against your eardrums like an invisible pressure, becoming so unbearable that you would scrape the bottom of your boots against the floor just to break the deafening silence.

You didn’t want to think about him. You didn’t want to acknowledge that his visit—and what he had done to you during it—had eased your torment and made the suffering more bearable. At least, for a short amount of time. Was this some new kind of torture? Give you a respite from the terror and isolation only to make it that much worse when you were left alone?

If that was the case, it was working. Your muscles were tensed into coils and you could feel your heartbeat pounding your chest, thumping like a caged rabbit. You wanted to get up and pace to burn the excess energy, but the part of you that still held onto Rumlow’s teachings told you to wait. Conserve energy, rest, and prepare. Always be prepared.

But the hypervigilance was wearing on you too. As you sat slumped against the wall, your mind began to wander, treading dangerous ground as it desperately searched for something to latch on to. If the assassin was acting under orders, at least you knew where you stood with him. He was your tormentor and you were the imprisoned. He would break you down eventually, using your need for comfort as a weapon against you.

But, what if… what if he was acting alone? If he had come to your cell of his own volition, acting on no authority but his own, that was even more dangerous. It made him unpredictable. Someone with a hidden agenda.

At the thought, you shivered and curled your legs up to your chest. It was still too cold in the cell. You would have taken a threadbare blanket at this point just to have something to warm yourself with, but they had stripped you of that small comfort too. Your humanity was a joke in this place; the punchline an unmarked, shallow grave.

The sound of the door unlocking jolted you out of your stupor. Your back was against the concrete and you were already in a half-crouch before the door was fully open. They wouldn’t take you without a fight today. You were determined to either escape this place or die in the attempt.

But there were no men in black fatigues, ready to haul you to the white room. It was the assassin. Again.

Your stomach churned in a storm of emotions, too many and all too fast for you to catch. The reason for his visit was clear as soon as he entered; he had brought you another tray of food, this one carefully balanced on his metal palm as he shut the door behind him.

You looked at the tray of food and sudden tears blurred your vision as you worked against the lump in your throat. Pathetic, the cruel voice sneered in your mind. So what if he remembered to feed you when no one else would? He had still slaughtered your team. Taken you captive. You should hate him, but you didn’t. Instead, the voice mocked, you had let him use you. You had enjoyed it.

And you’ll let him do it again, the cruel voice added, triumphant.

No, you denied, wanting to shove your hands over your ears to shut out the accusation. I won’t. Not this time. This time, I’ll fight.

While you warred with the invasive thoughts in your head, the assassin moved forward. The internal battle immediately ceased as you watched him walk halfway across the room, his movements oddly stilted as he placed the tray carefully on the floor, his eyes fixed downward. He wasn’t looking at you, and had avoided making eye contact as soon as he’d opened the door.

His demeanor was so different than the confident, graceful predator you had first confronted. Now, with the mask covering the lower half of his face and his hair obscuring what little was exposed, his stance tense and withdrawn, he looked like a downtrodden dog who had been beaten one too many times.

It could have been a trick. A manipulation tactic to gain your sympathy. You knew better. You were smarter than this.

So why did the sight of him looking so miserable pluck at something in your chest?

He turned to leave.

“Wait.”

He paused at the sound of your voice, his shoulders tense and his back rigid. You pulled yourself to your feet, not knowing what exactly you wanted to say to him but knowing you couldn’t let him leave without trying to get some answers.

“Please?”

He turned his head just enough to eye you out of his peripheral vision. You bent and carefully moved the foot tray out of your path, placing it on top of the sink. Showing him that you weren’t going to dash it against the wall in a rebellious act this time.

He slowly turned to face you, pale blue eyes watching, slightly narrowed in what you could only interpret as wariness. His flesh hand twitched and you tried not to stare at his bare fingers, your mind only too happy to recall what they had evoked from you hours ago.

“Why?” Your voice was slightly rough. “Why did you… that?”

You didn’t think a further explanation was warranted, but he didn’t respond. You were beginning to think he might be mute or that he had been expressly ordered not to speak to you.

Ordered not to speak to me, but fucking me with his fingers was fine?

You shut down that train of thought before it could go anywhere. Already your stomach was twisting in a way that felt too much like anticipation just from simply being in the same room as him.

Jesus.

The first of your questions left unanswered, you decided to ask the second. It needed to be asked but it still set your teeth on edge. You almost hoped he wouldn’t answer this one, either.

“Did they tell you to do it? Were you under orders?”

For a moment, he remained completely still. And then the angle of his shoulders dipped the smallest degree.

“No.”

You were struck dumb. He had spoken. Finally spoken. His voice… was not what you expected. Muffled as it was by the mask, it was unmistakably masculine. But also strangely soft. You could feel the heat creeping up your chest, an involuntary response you wished you could deny.

“Okay,” you said, trying to sound as if that single word he had spoken hadn’t completely shaken you. “Then… why?”

He stared at you, his gaze unwavering for just long enough for the heat to spread to your neck. And then all at once, he looked away.

“I don’t know.”

Somehow, you were struck even more than before. There was something so human in that voice behind the mask, and it took you a moment to place it, despite the fact you had felt it not long ago.

Shame.

Instead of feeling sympathy for him, something else sparked inside your gut.

“You don’t know?” you repeated his answer, the beginning of anger edging into your voice. “How can you not know?”

He glanced up at you, perhaps because of the hostility in your words, and his brows were angled together. He looked almost confused, as if he was truly mulling over your words, but you felt only frustration. You didn’t know how you knew, maybe your body had started keeping track of your schedule of misery, but you just knew the guards would be coming within the next couple of hours.

And you were running out of patience.

Before he could react, you strode up to him and grabbed him by the harness strapped across his leather vest. His eyes widened in surprise, and you pulled him closer, the scowl on your lips tight and unhappy.

“What are they doing to me?” you demanded. “Who are these people? What do they want?”

You were so close to him you could feel his filtered breath on your face. But he remained silent and still, a statue in your hands.

“Why did you bring me here!” you snapped, desperation cracking your voice. “Answer me!”

He didn’t react to your harsh tone or the distraught words. It was when your fists tightened around his harness, causing the leather to creak from the strain that he reacted. Swiftly and without hesitation.

He grabbed your shoulders and before you could blink, he slammed your back against the wall. The air whooshed out of you, but you didn’t dare move as he kept you firmly pinned in place, his fingers digging into your skin. Even through the curtain of his hair you could see the unforgiving severity of his pale eyes.

He kept you at arm’s length, almost deliberately so. He had never been shy about full-body contact before—clearly—but now he seemed to be keeping you as far away as possible.

You couldn’t stop staring at him as you tried to catch your breath, unable to look away as your body slightly trembled with the force of your coiled muscles. His gaze bore straight through you, intense with some emotion. Anger, perhaps. He was definitely upset, though you weren’t entirely sure why. He wasn’t the one being tortured and kept locked in a prison.

His fingers tightened on your shoulders. This was it, you thought. Either he would snap your neck, release you, or drag you off to your dreaded appointment with the lab coats. You had gone too far, but even that knowledge was a relief. Anything was better than the unending, tedious waiting. Better to die now then return to the white room, or worse, lose your mind in this tiny cell.

But he didn’t move. He seemed frozen in place, his hard gaze wavering. Then it seemed to drift, appearing almost… lost. It was such a startling change from even a few seconds earlier that you couldn’t square it. Cold ruthlessness one moment, and then the next…

You didn’t know what made you do it—you couldn’t blame the fever this time. Maybe it was because you had nothing left to lose. You raised your hand and slowly, carefully, moved your hand toward your face.

His fingers gripped your shoulders tighter, his blue eyes honing in on your hand as if it was a weapon. You paused, not wanting him to grab your wrist again. But when he made no move to do so, you continued onward, drifting closer as your fingertips neared his jaw.

His hands on your shoulders were almost painful now, gripping you hard enough to make you wince. But he didn’t stop you.

You were so close now, so close, and then you were there. Fingertips touching the ridged surface of the dark mask. You weren’t sure how to unhook it from his face; it didn’t seem to be attached to his vest, though it was hard to tell with the black cloth covering his neck.

With great care, you traced along the hard material of the mask under his curtain of hair. It was soft against the back of your hand, tickling your knuckles as you moved towards the back of his jaw and below his ear.

You were having some kind of effect on him; his fingers trembled around the cusp of your shoulders and you heard the uneven rhythm of his breathing. But his eyes never left your face, the confused look replaced by something more focused but uneasy. He seemed as if he would snatch your hand away at any moment, the physical contact too much to bear.

You found a strap extending from the mask under his hair, a clasp along its length. You pried at it with your fingers, careful not to snag your nails on his loose brown strands, and with a click the strap came undone and the mask was loosened.

Barely breathing, you carefully slid it away from his face.

The face staring back at you was startling. Unexpected. Despite the hard line of his brow and the piercing glare of his pale eyes, the rest of his features were gentle. Handsome, even. His jaw looked powerful but his lips were full and soft. Stubble dusted his cheeks, enhancing his masculine features. Even his cheekbones changed the appearance of his eyes, giving the blue a sorrowful look where before they had been cold and callous.

He didn’t have the face of a killer. He had the face of someone whose first reaction was to smile. To show kindness. Where before you had only seen hard, knife-like edges, you now saw something soft and sadly sweet.

The mask felt vile in your hand and you quickly released it, hearing it clatter to the floor. The assassin paid no attention to it, his eyes only on you. How differently he looked without it.

Human. Vulnerable. Jesus, he almost looked breakable. Was this really the same man who had massacred your team and dragged you into this nightmare?

You raised your hand to his face again, trying to steady your trembling fingertips. He had allowed this much; you figured there was no point in stopping now.

When your fingers made contact with his jaw, the muscles in his cheek jumped. You almost retreated at his flinch but instead cupped your hand against his cheek. He was unusually warm, undeniably alive, and the stubble on his sharp jaw tickled your palm.

But what was most startling of all was when his eyes became unfocused, half-lidded, and almost fluttered shut as he actually leaned into your touch. It was such an innocent gesture, heartbreaking in its sincerity, and your first real insight that something was desperately off about this whole thing. About him.

You should have asked more questions. Gotten him to talk now that he seemed pliant. But all you could do was hold his jaw in your hand, marveling at the way he couldn’t seem to get enough. As if he craved it. Needed it. When your thumb stroked lightly across his cheekbone, he gave a noticeable shiver.

His eyes flew open. He glared down at your hand and grabbed you before you could retract it, wrapping his metal fingers around your wrist and forcing it back against the wall next to your head.

The soft sadness in his eyes was gone. He braced his teeth so hard the muscles in his jaw flexed, and the hand that had been on your shoulder now grabbed the front of your black STRIKE tank.

And just like that, as if flipped by a switch, his demeanor had changed and your fear had returned. His mood was mercurial at best, unstable at worse, and you let emotions distract you, trick you into thinking he might be something he wasn’t. The assassin was violent and aggressive, not someone to be pitied or empathize with.

You had fucked up royally, and now he had you in his sights.

Your worst fears seemed to be confirmed as he brought his face close to yours, his breathing shaky and erratic. You turned away, pressing your cheek against the rough, concrete wall. At this angle you could see his metal arm just inches away, holding the narrowest point of your right wrist.

You had never thought of yourself as small, and certainly not frail, but you were as delicate as a trapped bird in his steel grasp.

Shutting your eyes tight, you waited for the attack to come. Almost wished for it, because pain you knew how to deal with. If he was brutal and cruel to you, then everything would be simple. Black and white. That was the world you lived in. None of these shades of grey that left you ashamed and confused and—

You went stock-still as something warm pressed against the sensitive area below your earlobe. Opening your eyes but not wanting to turn and look, worried you might set him off again, you tried to figure out what it was. Your stomach fluttered with what felt like a hurricane of electric butterflies when you realized what it was: his lips.

Next Chapter

#bucky barnes #the winter soldier #bucky barnes x reader #the winter soldier x reader #bucky barnes fanfiction #reader fanfiction #the winter soldier fanfiction #devil's backbone

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

#survey #quiz #questions

[kingyeoms]

neuroscience TA! joshua

pairing: joshua hong x reader (n)  genre: it’s all fluff sorry warnings(?): swearing and just really casual writing in bullet points lol word count: 2,044 a/n: i barely proofread this and this is nothing like what i usually write but i’ve been thinking about this since the start of the new semester and welp here we are. a/a/n: i just realized.. people might not really know what a TA/teaching assistant is! usually someone who is working towards their doctoral degree and are obligated to assist teaching a course in their department, usually in charge of teaching discussion/supplemental sections~ ♡ best read on desktop, use mobile browser if you can’t read under the cut ♡

3rd year phd candidate

does research on neural circuit mechanisms in aging adults

big geek about brains, shows a thirty minute long video of a sheep brain dissection for the first day of section

people fell asleep but it’s fine bc josh is so excited about the video and everyone finds it endearing

always dresses so casually!! comes to class wearing sweats and plain black t-shirts (probably buys them in packs for $3)

but he still has the reputation among the undergraduate students as the “hot neuro TA”

cracks jokes w/ his students all the time

literally everyone wants to take the class that joshua hong is TAing

“joshua what are you teaching next semester??” “topics in advanced neuroimaging, you gonna take it?” “never mind, good luck”

brings his dog named peanut to class all the time

peanut is a giant ass st. bernard who likes to walk around the class and sleep next to people’s feet

super adorable but also a big Drooler

you’re the other teaching assistant for the same neuroanatomy class, but in the psychology department

you’re super down to earth!! honestly you treat your students like friends, talking to them super casually

but when class starts, you know how to get down to business and you’re super passionate about what you’re talking about

the psych undergrads have a ton of respect for you, because not only were you chill but you were mad smart too!!

your kids walking into class: “y/n guess what fucking happened in lecture”

you: “listen, you probably shouldn’t say the f word in front of me but tell me what the fuck happened”

anyways, here’s a funny coincidence: your lab and joshua’s lab are on the same floor

so it’s not a surprise that you and josh have this ongoing “feud” of which is more superior: psych vs neuro

“psych is for people who can’t handle neuro” “neuro is for people who hate themselves”

your office is opposite of his, so he’s always stopping by your room to annoy you or steal something from the jar of candy on your desk.

you: “why am i constantly out of kit-kats?”

josh, fistfuls of kit-kats behind his back: “damn, you should probably buy some more”

he’ll mess with your powerpoint slides, swapping photos of the cerebellum for photos of him and peanut

which SUCKS when you’re teaching,, and josh’s dumb face pops up on the projector,, 

your kids: “nice one josh”

when you’re holding office hours for your students, he stops by and says some dumb shit to your kids like “come to my office instead, y/n doesn’t know what they’re talking about” 

“fuck off, joshua” “oooooh you curse in front of your students? i’m telling the professor”

you just roll your eyes and the two of you just laugh at each other

the students who come to your office hours swear you two have a thing going on

and honestly? you wish

you’ve always thought josh was pretty cute

being a phd student was stressful, especially with research and teaching, but he never failed to put a smile on your face!!

you two were often the last ones on the floor, in charge of locking up rooms and cleaning equipment

he always insists on walking you to your car at night because “the raccoons might attack you”

you’d be lying if you said you didn’t think about kissing him in your office but shhh

during lecture, you guys share a google doc to take notes on what to teach your students

he thinks it’s funny to delete everything you write

you, sitting next to him in the front row: “joshua hong if you don’t press ctrl + z right now i swear to god i’ll change the lock code to the EEG room”

josh: “wait don’t i have a study tomorrow”

proctoring exams with josh: “i can pass out tests faster than you” “are we five???? but no you can’t”

he’s really good… at catching people cheating? the dude has eyes like a hawk lmao and you don’t even notice honestly

“see the kid with the blue baseball cap on? give him a 0″

anyways the professor asks you and joshua to come in on a weekend to grade midterms

you: but i made plans

josh: i’m not ?? even getting paid ??

but you guys do it anyways because it’s not like you have a choice lmao rip

he brings peanut and he’s just drooling all over your bag

peanut not josh

i guess josh is metaphorically drooling because… you looked really good today

not the usual jeans and college sweatshirt you wear during the week

you had originally made plans with your friends to go to the farmer’s market

it was a really nice day :( sunny outside and you actually tried to not look like a mess for once!! you actually brushed your hair today lol

anyways, peanut is still drooling and you look at josh, confused but also a little grossed out

“why is peanut drooling?” “do you have food in your bag?” “i don’t think so?” “oh. maybe he just likes you”

peanut: pulls out a granola bar out of your bag

anyways… you two are grading exams, checking over the answer key for any mistakes

you furrow your brows as you look over the answer choices, so you ask josh to take a look at question 23

“yeah, what about it?” “look at the answer choices, there are two possible answers.” “ah fuck.”

turns out… a lot of the questions are like that..

you and josh just look at each other and groan, realizing you two have to redo the entire answer key

you call your friends to cancel your plans, saying you were stuck at school

joshua feels really bad so he reaches over to grab your stack of tests

“you can go if you want! i’ll finish it, no worries”

you shake your head, pulling out a box of red pens from your bag

“no thanks, my boyfriend would miss me” 

a confused josh: “no i wouldn’t?”

“… i was talking about peanut?” but you’re giggling because josh’s face is beet red at this point

joshua: “anyways, question 40 right?”

truth is, joshua has always found you cute and he liked the fact that when he teased you, you weren’t afraid to tease him back

he just felt.. really comfortable around you

and seeing you smile after he cracked a joke?? best thing in the world to him besides peanut

even when you roll your eyes at him, he thinks it’s so cute!!

cliché moment where you two reach for the answer key at the same time and your hands touch

but neither of you let go wow so cute and you guys kind of just !! grade tests in silence, holding hands

joshua’s the type to rub your the back of your hand with his thumb i’m lowkey crying thinking about it

anyways, you guys end up finishing grading and the sun is starting to set

josh realizes that you two spent the entire day stuck inside the office, so he offers to take you to the farmer’s market

but you don’t wanna be a bother or anything so you shake your head, “no it’s okay!!”

josh insists that he takes you, saying “i gotta take peanut on a walk, come on let’s go”

so you two go to the farmer’s market, the crowds starting to die down a little bit since it’s the end of the day

josh holds your hand and peanut’s leash in the other

peanut keeps dragging you guys to all the booths that sell homemade peanut butter and he’s never been happier, he keeps getting free samples and head scratches

you’re looking at a booth that sells homemade jewelry, think leather bracelets and dainty finger rings

“josh, what do you think about th-” you turn to your side, but josh and peanut are nowhere to be found

and you look through the crowds and the booths next to you, but you can’t find them anywhere

you kind of panic,, because you didn’t think josh was the type to ditch someone? on a date?

was this even a date you weren’t sure to be honest,, but still :( you were kind of upset 

but you finally see peanut dragging joshua back to you, a small bouquet of sunflowers in his hand

joshua’s cheeks and ears are tinged a slight pink when he gives the flowers to you, “i saw a stand selling these and they just looked really pretty, so i bought them for you”

and the flowers are so beautiful and your jaw literally aches from smiling so big and josh thinks you’re so beautiful!!

you two walk around a bit more, hand!! in!! hand!! 

josh: trying to pull peanut away from all the friendly people willing to give him free beef jerky

tired from all the walking, you two buy ice cream, sitting on a bench in front of the tiny shop

peanut eats josh’s ice cream when he’s not looking

josh: peanut what the fuck

you offer to buy him another one, but he shakes his head, taking the cone from your hand, biting into the soft pink scoop

“let’s just share, strawberry is my second favorite anyways”

your jaw just drops because,, who bites into ice cream?

but it’s cute, you two talk about how much you hate the professor and which students you think are annoying

you two don’t even realize how dark it is until you hear peanut snoring, curled up at the bottom of your feet

josh is the first to stand up, his hand reaching out to yours, “it’s getting a little late, i’ll take you home?”

and so that’s how you and joshua ended up at the front door of your apartment

your hand clutching the sunflowers, the other intertwined in his fingers

and when he leans in, you don’t hesitate to close the gap between you two

kissing joshua? definitely better than you expected, the taste of strawberry ice cream still slightly lingering on his lips

your lips move in perfect harmony with his, joshua placing his hand on the small of your back

as soon as you feel josh pull you in closer, you feel a... wet.. tongue on your foot? you both break away to find peanut,, asleep,, drooling,, on your toes

“damn it, peanut” josh groans as you giggle, resting your forehead against his

“i’ll see you on monday, yeah?” you grinned, kissing him on the cheek

"yeah i really,, gotta take this kiddo home,,” and he sighs, waking Big ol’ peanut up “but i had a lot of fun tonight, we should do it again sometime”

“as long as we don’t have to grade 600 midterms again, it’s a date”

the both of you blush because,, was this even a date??

yes, it was

but seriously, what a super cute start to your relationship with josh

you don’t even get mad when you find out it’s josh stealing all of your kit kats

he leaves a giant bag of them on your desk one day to make up for it

but also joshua is the Worst

joshua: “how does it feel to be dating the hot neuro TA on campus?”

you: “shut up before you become the hot single neuro TA”

sometimes josh stops by your class when you’re teaching to give you a kiss on your cheek before he goes to do research,,, embarrassing you in front of all your students (even though pda is probably something that shouldn’t be happening in front of them)

literally Everyone: “we fucking called it”

definitely still makes fun of you 24/7,, just with more kissing

friday nights with joshua: skimming academic papers and talking shit on faculty LOL

going to the farmer’s market becomes a weekly thing for you guys!! mainly because the peanut butter booth would be devastated if they didn’t get to see Mister peanut

sooo,, you may or may not have done it on your desk in the lab LOL

josh in lecture: hey i think you’re pretty cute, maybe we should get dinner tonight?

you: josh can you pls stop flirting with me on google docs you’re LAME

#kpop scenarios #seventeen fanfic #svt fanfic #seventeen imagines #seventeen au #i don't even know what to tag this #m:jisoo #gr:fluff #g:svt #number one peanut stan #i would kill for neuro josh bye