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davidtennantgenderenvy · 7 months

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eternal youth is overrated - a good omens one shot

Summary: Heartbreak and loneliness have left Crowley marked in more ways than one. Aziraphale helps him see that this isn’t such a bad thing.

NOTES: I’ve always had a bit of a bittersweet fascination with aging (David Tennant’s crows’ feet make me emo in ways I cannot hope to describe), with the sadness but also the beauty inherent in it, and I thought it could be interesting to bring this idea to good omens. The concept was “what if Crowley started getting grey hairs after Aziraphale leaves, if, over time, his physical appearance subconsciously changed to reflect his mental state?” The fact that I wrote this as a 19 year old honestly just shows how much I need therapy, but it was honestly incredibly cathartic to work through some of my own mental struggles via Crowley in this fic. Aziraphale’s pov was equally fun to write, as I basically just got to write how he feels about Crowley based on what I feel about David (lol). Hope you enjoy my first Good Omens one shot- I may or may not make an A03 account if it gets enough engagement, I’m honestly pretty proud of it! Special thanks to my wonderful partner in crime @flyingfluse for providing some much needed inspiration!

PS: The title is actually from a song I wrote called Grow Old With Me (hopefully will be available someday fingers crossed)

——————

It had been a year.

Nothing to a demon, really. In the vast expanse of six thousand years on earth, not to mention the innumerable eons Before The Beginning, a year didn’t count for much more than a blip. But heartbreak is a funny thing. Time, for Crowley, now seemed to pass in a much more human fashion- the year that had elapsed since Aziraphale’s return to heaven, a year devoid of anything resembling laughter or joy, a year spent largely either sleeping or stewing in self-loathing, had seemed longer than the past hundred combined.

Crowley’s gaze blearily wandered to the rearview mirror of the Bentley. His reflection, as everything seemed to these days, mocked him.

Those sickly yellow eyes, reminding him of all he was and all that he could never be, like the sulfur he had been cast into all those millenia ago. On his worst days, it was like he could still feel it, eating away at him from the inside out, decaying his soul and with it, his body. It carved shadows into his cheeks and circles beneath his eyes, deep and dark as caverns. It rose in his throat until he choked on it, leaving his voice hoarse and acrid. It spewed out of him onto everything and everyone, every time he opened his mouth, an acidic bile of rage and bitterness.

He had been destroyed and rebuilt over and over through the millenia, and the product was a rough, hardened callus of a being, like a patch of skin that had been picked at too many times. He felt grotesque, untouchable, damaged- there would be no point to pursuing any new connections when no one would understand, nor why would they want to, when he seemed to turn everything he held to ashes?

A ray of sunlight leaked through the window of the Bentley, catching upon Crowley’s hair, revealing it to be littered with strands of grey, collecting dust-like in his copper mane. How the mighty have fallen, he thought bitterly. Falling, always falling, like leaves in autumn, their color draining as their forms grow brittle and they become one with the earth. From dust they were made, and to dust, they shall return.

Perhaps in a year, he would be dust too. What would he care?

Demons didn’t naturally age, or so he had thought. But loneliness seemed to have made a mortal out of Crowley, centuries of it crashing down upon his corporation, wearing it to the bones, etching his torment into his skin. He could always just miracle any part of himself back to the way it was, reverse all this damned erosion… but what would it matter? Why even try to keep his hair from losing its color when all the color had drained from his life the second his angel had left it?

He felt so, so old.

A single, desperate sob escaped Crowley’s mouth, cracking out of him like splintering firewood.

As he weeped against the steering wheel, the Bentley switched on its radio in sympathy.

I’ve walked too long in this lonely lane,

I’ve had enough of this same old game.

I’m a man of the world, they say that I’m strong,

But my heart is heavy and my hope is gone.

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The demon lay curled in Aziraphale’s lap, clinging to his chest as a snake might in search of warmth. It clutched at Aziraphale’s soul to see Crowley this vulnerable, the swaggering and smirking stripped away to reveal a heart in desperate need of care and healing- a task Aziraphale considered his greatest duty and greatest pleasure, for he knew Crowley would do the same for him.

Aziraphale ran his fingers through Crowley’s hair, earning a deep sigh from his beloved, whose brows turned up in fragile, stirring comfort. He loved doing this, both to see how much his touch moved Crowley and because he simply loved his hair itself. Bold, striking, an instant head-turner, just like everything else about him. It was now the longest it had been since biblical times, falling in elegant waves past his shoulders. But oh, something else was different… it was streaked now with rivers of silver, gathering in deltas at his temples. It lit a familiar flame in Aziraphale’s chest; that bittersweet blend of desire and sympathy.

“You’ve changed your hair, I see”, he said softly.

Crowley takes a labored swallow, strain and self consciousness seeping into his face. Whatever he says next, it’s clear that the admission is going to cost him.

“When you left, I suppose I… let myself wither away.” His voice is lodged deep in his throat, thick and murky, leaking out of him like tar, a sound from the depths of his own personal hell. “Oh, Aziraphale…” he exhales, and it’s one of the most poignant Aziraphale has ever heard. “I’m so tired. So worn down. So bloody ancient.”

“So am I, my dear,” he says, trying to come across more soothing than concerned.

“Yes, but you still shine in the same way you did all those millenia ago… still so bright, so soft. I’m all tarnished and rusted up… I don’t know how you still want to touch me.”

Aziraphale gazed down into Crowley’s eyes, piercing and pleading and fragile, like shattered stained glass. At his craggy, rough-hewn cheeks, all bones and edges he’d happily cut himself on to caress. At the deep, deep lines around his eyes, carved there by every grin and grimace and longing and ache. And oh, the silver in his hair… it suited him so, both rejecting and combining black and white with a color all his own. It wasn’t normal for immortal bodies, ethereal or occult, to bear the marks of time and experience as Crowley’s has. But then, Crowley was never an ordinary demon, or angel, was he? No, he was something far more exquisite.

“Oh, but I do… I do…” Affection surges through Aziraphale as he kisses every crease and wrinkle, every scar and every glorious grey, every sign that his dear Crowley has lived. He feels Crowley’s hands winding through his hair in response and kisses those too, those eloquent, spindly fingers and calloused palms…

“Crowley, my most cherished books… the covers are peeling, the pages are torn or yellowed with age… so why would you be any different?” His heart seizes up, his voice breaking a bit. “I have seen the fire and rain rage within you for so long, and I have seen the marks they have left upon you, and each one is precious to me. You know how I love to read… Why would I not want to see the story of my beloved written upon their face? My

dear old serpent, my survivor…you don’t have to fight anymore…”

He pulls Crowley tightly to his chest, drawing the tension from his shoulders and back before cupping the sides of his face as Crowley stares back, looking overwhelmed and old and so, so beautiful. “I want you exactly as you are. Rough and hard and frayed at the edges… you will never be too much of any of these things for me. In fact…” A slightly wicked twinkle forms in his eye as he smiles pointedly at Crowley: “They make you more tempting to me than ever.”

Crowley processes this for a moment. “Well…” he croaks out, that hint of playful snark finding its way back into his throaty timbre, “I suppose there is something to be said for… shades of grey.” Aziraphale laughs, remembering the words he himself said to Crowley all those years ago, on the same night he realized just how much he adored him.

Crowley smiles, that crooked, twisted, perfectly imperfect smile that Aziraphale missed, his eyes crinkling magnificently at the corners. “Kiss me,” he whispers, and Aziraphale is happy to oblige. Happy that Crowley, bold, fierce, independent Crowley, could finally let his guard down, could finally embrace that all of his scars and imperfections, every mark of time upon his face, everything he ever thought made him damaged and ugly only made him more beautiful in his sight.

#good omens #Ineffable husbands #crowley #aziraphale #david tennant #michael sheen #fanfiction #fanfic #hurt/comfort #Pro-aging #Anyone who has ever wanted to read Crowley with grey hair this is for you #Song: mother love by queen

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randomfoggytiger · 2 months

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Tag Game

Thanks for tagging me, @baronessblixen~

Favourite painter: @opentheskies, unironically. Very evocative.

Favourite writer: I have two types: my favorite mood writers (Gabriel Garcia Marquez, T. S. Eliot, William Blake; Charlotte Bronte and David Duchovny at their best) and great all around, never-missers (Charles Dickens, Jane Austen, Daphne Du Maurier, Jules Verne, Alexandre Dumas, and others.) Currently it's T. S. Eliot.

Favourite band: Don't have one!

Favourite meal and drink: Gotta steal BaronessBlixen's answer (hamburgers)-- just can't be beat.

Favourite outfit aesthetic: Black dress, red lipstick. Don't have a black dress currently; but I will someday~.

Favourite singer: Currently, Dan Vasc on YouTube-- insane range and tone (he's a metal singer that was also classically trained; and perfectly executes the operatic Nessun Dorma. Recommend this vid reacting to and explaining his cover.)

Favourite item I own: My computer and journal. Used to be my camera; but it was so old it died.

Favourite possession: I'll turn this into a quality I possess-- my favorite quality about myself is my balance between skepticism and optimism (more so than I let on, often.)

Favourite perfume: Chanel's Gabrielle. That or musky scents work well with my skin (better than other "professional" perfumes, imo.)

Tags (if you want~): @dd-is-my-guiltypleasure, @welsharcher, @agent-troi, @suitablyaggrieved, @amplifyme, @living-in-unreality, @spidey-is-tired, @ibringyouasong89, @deathsbestgirl, @virtie333, @aloysiavirgata, @slippinmickeys, @cecilysass, @justice-for-queequeg, @xxsksxxx, @redteekal, @demon-fetal-harvest, @myassbrokethefall, @writingwell, @sixhours, @kiivitaja, @wexleresque, @thatfragilecapricorn30, @opentheskies, @carrie11, @tennant-the-tigger, @freckleslikestars, @teenie-xf, @pennyserenade, @unremarkablehouse, @tossingmyglossymane, @sagan-starstuff, @lesbianagentofnothing, @catharsisxf, @nachosncheeze, @ragnarockz, @thescullyphile, @nimlurks, @captainsugarcane, @samucabd, @storybycorey, and anyone else who wants to join!

#tagged #thanks for the tag!#love me a good hamburger #yum yum yum #Dan Vasc is an incredible artist who can do anything #and I mean that quite literally #very literally

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drarrymyheart · 9 months

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Getting to Know You Tag Game

Thank you for the tag @uncannycerulean ❣️

Three Ships: can I say Drarry three times? 😅 if I had to pick 2 more that I may someday read/write I’d say Jegulus and Merthur.

First Ship: I do believe the first ship I ever read was Harry/Hermione. But this was before HBP was released so my little 15-year-old brain hadn’t yet considered Drarry as an option hahaha.

Last Song: Ndikhethe Wena by Ami Faku. This is an absolutely beautiful lullaby I play for my children (and for myself sometimes tbh it’s so calming). Last song I played for myself was likely something by Conan Gray- I’m having a bit of an obsession at the moment.

Last Movie: Oppenheimer. But not for long because I’ll likely rewatch Red, White, and Royal Blue for the fourth time like… tonight. 🙃

Currently Reading: if Drarry fics would stop distracting me I may finally get more than 1/4 through In Memoriam by Alice Winn (it’s very good, I just have a Drarry addiction). As far as fic, I’m listening to my first podfic! In Bad Faith by fencer_x

Currently Watching: Good Omens! I’m on ep 3 (s2). Just when I think I can’t love David Tennant any more, I’m proven wrong. The man is a marvel.

Last Thing I Wrote: a very fun Drabble for the HPFC Discord’s MLM/pyramid scheme prompt 😅 (I will likely post it here as well after judging.)

Currently Writing: I’m currently working on my WIP for @hpsnooze 😴😍

Tagging @stavromulabetaaa @ghostofnoir @holygnocchi and @starquestingfordrarry

#tag game #getting to know me

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denimbex1986 · 6 months

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'If you’ve been a Doctor Who fan for a while then you for sure weren’t looking forward to saying goodbye to David Tennant‘s version of the character yet again. The first time was a gut punch and the end of an era with showrunner Russell T Davies departing as well. What followed has been decidedly mixed with great Doctors (Matt Smith, Peter Capaldi, and Jodie Whittaker) and uneven creative direction. It’s to the point that Davies’ return as showrunner (to the show that he rebooted 18 years ago) feels like a rescue mission designed to excite the fan base.

Bringing Tennant back for three special episodes (the last of which aired Saturday) was surely phase 1 of that plan, but it came with some risk, specifically that the audience would predictably fall in love with Tennant again and want him to stay, creating a potential barrier for the incoming Doctor, Ncuti Gatwa (Sex Education, Barbie). In the wake of Saturday’s episode, “The Giggles,” those worries have mostly disappeared thanks to a bold move that messes with over 60 years of established continuity.

Big, explodey, and emotional regenerations are out, bi-generations are in, allowing Time Lords to branch off from one another as opposed to having to essentially die so the other can live. The ultimate 2-for-1 deal. A little confused? Us too. A little miffed at the continuity shakeup? No. To hell with tradition. It’s a 60-year-old TV show. Old words are for politicians and Sunday school teachers to cling to. Everyone else should enjoy a good resorting from time to time.

But what does it all mean? The bi-generation makes a lot of things possible, from a narrative standpoint. Most obviously, there’s the possibility that Tennant’s legendary run as The Doctor may not actually be over. He’s just off in the garden having a wonderful time being happy and surrounded by his best friend Donna Noble (Catherine Tate) and her family while Gatwa’s Doctor draws all focus while skipping across time and space. But what if he needs a hand? Or what if Tennant’s Doctor takes his TARDIS out for a spin of his own, falling into familiar trouble in the occasional special episode that’s divorced from the show’s main story?

It’s not just Tennant. Smith, Capaldi, Whittaker – they could all make an appearance, theoretically, because according to Davies, the bi-generation wasn’t just about Gatwa’s 15th Doctor and Tennant’s latest iteration of the character.

From an episode commentary recorded by Davies and reported on by The Radio Times, Davies is saying, essentially, every single past regeneration has been retroactively made into a bi-generation:

“I think all of the Doctors came back to life with their individual TARDISes, the gift of the Toymaker, and they’re all out there travelling round in what I’m calling a Doctor verse.

“Sylvester McCoy woke up in a drawer, in a morgue, in San Francisco… and Jon Pertwee woke up on the floor of the laboratory,” he says.

This is absolutely chaotic and I love it. I’ll say this, though, while Davies opened the seal with this one and while it gave Tennant’s Doctor a wonderful ending rooted in the idea that every once in a while a warrior gets to claim a reward and some peace, I do wonder if he will someday be called back into battle to help close that seal and forfeit that reward. That would be very Doctor Who. It would also acknowledge the blessing and curse of the Time Lord’s lifespan. It’s something that was conveniently explained away the last time Tennant’s Doctor (or a version of) got such a reward with the mortal half-human/half-time lord version living in another universe with Rose Tyler. But this Doctor can’t spend the rest of his lifetime being happy in the garden with Donna. He can only do it for the rest of her lifetime, if that.

While the bi-generation and Davies’ tease hints at the possibility of bigger adventures and returning favorites, it may not qualify as the most important moment from the episode. Before we discuss that, though, can we just take a moment to talk about the energy, light, and confidence coming off of Ncuti Gatwa as The Doctor? So commanding right from the start. Remember when Tennant’s Doctor burst into existence after Christopher Eccleston’s Doctor regenerated? How he had to have a lie down in his bathrobe. Gatwa’s Doctor is ready to roll out of the box and a breath of fresh air. I can’t wait to see what he does within this wild sandbox Davies has constructed.

Alright, the most important moment of the episode was the hug between Gatwa and Tennant. After the bi-generation and the defeat of The Toymaker, Tennant’s Doctor is filled with grief over the lives lost and his role in inadvertently inspiring The Toymaker’s appearance. But Gatwa stops the spiral, grabs him, locks eyes (like Tennant did with Tate in the previous episode to reassure her), and tries to free him from all this burden. It’s a beautiful moment, but also symbolic for what may be on the horizon week to week.

I don’t want to make it like Doctor Who didn’t operate from a place of grief and worry about the impact of his actions during Davies’ run. There was a certain haunted quality to both Eccleston and Tennant’s portrayals over all the devastation and carnage they had seen, but Steven Moffat, who took the showrunner baton after Davies left, leaned into it a bit more, focusing on The Doctor’s identity and the hard choices he had to make to save existence, even while destroying his own people. It was a lot to wrestle with. A lot of angst and sadness (with some joy too), which is referred to in the specials when Donna checks in on what The Doctor has been up to for 15 years. And so it was nice that someone offered him absolution while at the same time, creating a clean slate for Davies to remake the show (again) with Gatwa’s Doctor being somewhat lighter without all that weight on him. The regenerated Doctor has always been new, but this Doctor is newer than new, it seems, and we are here for it and everything else Davies has planned with or without a few extra Time Lords from time to time.'

#Doctor Who #60th Anniversary #David Tennant #Ncuti Gatwa #Catherine Tate #Donna Noble #The Giggle #Russell T. Davies #Bi-generation #Matt Smith #Peter Capaldi #Jodie Whittaker #Sex Education #Barbie #Sylvester McCoy #Jon Pertwee #Christopher Eccleston

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artemispt · 1 year

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im a curious bb at heart so here are some end of year Qs if you wanna A xoxo

your comfort show/movie of the year

fave race of the year

fave carlando moment of the yr

fave carlos moment of the yr

fave lando moment of the yr

fave lewis moment of the yr

fave fandom thing you worked on this yr

fave personal thing you worked on this yr

fave work thing you did this yr

Sorry for the late answer, but since 2020 my memory is a blend of the last 3 years and it's difficult to remember things. Let's see what I'm capable of answering. This will be a good exercise.

your comfort show/movie of the year Doctor Who although I don’t remember if I watched any episode this year. I've only watched (and rewatched several times) the seasons with Christopher Eccleston and David Tennant. Saw a few episodes with Matt Smith and it didn't grab me, so I stopped. But I really want to see the seasons with Peter Capaldi and Jodie Whittaker, so someday I have to return to it (and I don't want to skip the Matt Smith ones, I have a thing for watching everything in order xD). But yes, I love Doctor Who. Such creative minds!!

fave race of the year Well… Silverstone! (everyone pretends to be shocked) My face every time I remember Carlos' win

fave carlando moment of the yr This one is really difficult. Besides THE picture and THE wedding and their phones making love, and everything @jolandax13 said in her answer, I have to include one particular Silverstone moment: Carlos squeezing Lando's shoulder… Lando's hand on Carlo's waist… The BUMP… Lando almost kissing Carlos… Oh, and these doodles of that moment 🫠 And talking of Silverstone let me also add this and this ❤️

fave carlos moment of the yr Well… Silverstone! (everyone pretends to be shocked) His winks on the podium, the domestic comemoration after... But I also cannot not mention the podium in Monaco with the princess 🥰

fave lando moment of the yr Once more agree with @jolandax13 (thank you for refreshing my memory). I'll only also add his post-race interviews like this one. I LOVE HIS HUMOUR!

fave lewis moment of the yr Witnessing how he gained his strength back race after race was really thrilling. And, of course, when he become an honorary Brazilian citizen. This moment gives me chills EVERY TIME!

fave fandom thing you worked on this yr Well, the only thing I made was silly posts. I think the one that gave me more work to assemble was this one.

fave personal thing you worked on this yr Ok, now I'm feeling bad because I don't remember anything 🥲 Trying to keep my mind sane (which included changing jobs - ok but this is work related)? Maybe also trying to write outside of work (I turned my hobbie into work and ruined my hobbie 😅)?

fave work thing you did this yr An ongoing project for a Portuguese brand (fruit and vegetable beverages). I helped winning the project and now we are implementing it. Basically we are preparing some classes for 10-14 year kids, covering some subjects like healthy eating, entrepreneurship, sustainability… The challenge is to make the classes not boring 😅 In the "healthy eating" class, we put a food truck in the middle of the school where a chef taught the kids how to make a healthy dish. I prepared all the materials (slides, flyers, brochures, and even the script with all the things the chef and other people needed to say). Now we are preparing the entrepreneurship class. BTW does anyone have an idea how to teach entrepreneurship to kids in a fun way? 😂

#thank you for these questions 🥰#inbox

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stitching-in-time · 2 years

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An actual Doctor Who episode review post (gasp!)

Okay so I haven’t actually watched any New Doctor Who in at least a year (I think it was a year? Last new one I remember was the one with the time loop at the storage units so idk when that one was?) and I didn’t even know when Thirteen’s last episode was. But I happened to be channel flipping tonight and saw it was going to be on, so I figured I might as well watch it, since a new Doctor is a historic thing that any good Whovian should see at least once.

All I knew going in was that Tegan and Ace were gonna be in it, and the description said the Doctor faces Daleks, Cybermen, and the Master (oh my! lol), so I figured it would be overblown nonsense with lots of explosions, but at least it would be nice to see former companions again.

The story itself WAS overblown nonsense with too many explosions, and there were lots of cliched moments. (If I had a nickel for every show/book/movie that had their bad guy secretly be Rasputin, or vice-versa, I’d be rich.)

BUT- despite all the overblown nonsense, it was nice to see Ace, and Tegan, and the other Doctors again. It was fun to hear them banter and not take themselves too seriously, and still save the day like they always did. It was nice to have little moments where Tegan got to see Five, and Ace got to see Seven. That stuff had more heart, and got me feeling more feelings, than the modern show has done in recent years.

And also the stuff with Graham got me a little, he was really the heart of the TARDIS fam, and I think maybe that’s why I couldn’t stay interested when bland Dan came aboard.

So of course it would be Graham that actually started the former companions support group that we all joke about. I kind of didn’t want to feel feelings for a show that I’ve pretty much emotionally divested from at this point, but the minute I saw Ian Chesterton on my TV screen, that was it: ALL. THE. FEELS!!! And Jo! And Mel! These characters that I love so much, and never thought we’d see again on the actual show... here they were, and goddammit, new Doctor Who managed to make me feel things again!!! [insert sobbing here]

Even a tiny cameo was like acknowledgement that they created the legacy the show is carrying on today, that the stories of these characters are still important, and still have meaning for people all over the world. Maybe someday the Nuvians who don’t know who they were might discover their stories and love them as much as we do. But even if they don’t, getting those little cameos packed more of an emotional wallop for me than all the explosions and Daleks and ‘fate of the universe hanging in the balance’ stuff ever could. Doctor Who was, and is, always at it’s best when it’s about people.

I really liked some of Thirteen’s episodes, and I’m sad that she didn’t have better material after her first season, because she was a really good Doctor. Having a woman Doctor did mean more to me than I’d expected. Being able to walk into a store and buy a replica Doctor coat that was made for me was a huge deal. To have the magical hero’s coat made for you makes you feel a bit like Superman. I hope little kids now will get the idea that they can be magical like the Doctor whether they’re girls or boys. Thank you, Jodie Whittaker, for making that possible.

I feel like 13 had a pretty decent regeneration, it wasn’t too drawn out with dramatic speeches, and her final shot on the cliff was pretty epic. The ending was silly, but I’m not unhappy about it. After how dull and serious the show can be sometimes, I wouldn’t mind a bit of David Tennant nonsense again before we meet the new Doctor. (I know, I know, I used to dislike Ten, but after Twelve, I take it back, Ten wasn’t that bad in comparison! lol)

So that’s it, my first Whovian episode review post in years! I guess once you’re in the Doctor Who fandom, you can never really get out.

But honestly, that’s okay by me. <3

#doctor who #doctor who spoilers

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kira-7 · 2 years

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Tagged by @esperata I think I needed something like this to help me love what I write, so double thanks my dear! 💖💖💖💖💖

Fic authors self rec! When you get this, reply with your favorite five fics that you've written, then pass on to at least five other writers. Let’s spread the self-love 💖

it was difficult to choose, because in one way or another I'm linked to all of them... it's like saying choose your favourite musical instrument when you have an orchestra in front of you and every instrument is beautiful because it has its own particularity *hides* (no, don't let me choose my favourite instrument... I would always choose the whole orchestra)

Why did I choose these five? I'll explain it slowly... maybe in the tags.

Anything for Martin (8924 words) by Kira7 Chapters: 2/? Fandom: Gotham (TV), Batman - All Media Types, Batman (Comics) Rating: Mature Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot & Martin, Martin & Edward Nygma, Oswald Cobblepot & Martin & Edward Nygma, Martin/Evelyn Crawford, Pamela Isley/Harleen Quinzel Characters: Oswald Cobblepot, Edward Nygma, Martin (Gotham), Evelyn Crawford

Ducks have ears (2930 words) by Kira7 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Nanny Ashtoreth & Warlock Dowling, Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens) Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Warlock Dowling, Original Child Character(s), St James's Park Ducks (Good Omens)

Kakoolukyam (1037 words) by Kira7 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time (Video Games) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Farah/The Prince (Prince of Persia) Characters: The Prince (Prince of Persia), Farah (Prince of Persia)

Trapped (9816 words) by Kira7 Chapters: 5/? Fandom: Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett, Good Omens (TV) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence (alias: horror) Relationships: Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale (Good Omens) & Original Female Character(s), Anathema Device/Newton Pulsifer Characters: Aziraphale (Good Omens), Crowley (Good Omens), Original Female Character(s), Newton Pulsifer, The Them (Good Omens)

His favourite actor (930 words) by Kira7 Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: British Actor RPF, Staged (TV 2020) RPF, Good Omens (TV) RPF, Staged (TV 2020) Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Michael Sheen & David Tennant, Michael Sheen/David Tennant, Michael Sheen/David Tennant/Georgia Moffett Tennant, Michael Sheen & David Tennant & Neil Gaiman, David Tennant/Georgia Moffett Tennant Characters: Michael Sheen, David Tennant, Georgia Moffett Tennant, Neil Gaiman

I tag lhaewiel, j-ellyfish, assassin-or-templar-56, arcanemoody, quakerlasss 💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖do it if you like it, but don't feel obliged.

#nygmobblepot #ineffable husbands #prince of persia #david tennant #michael sheen #tag meme #anything for martin becase it is helping me to understand how I can manage oswald and edward in the canon of gotham (which are the nono and #which could be uhm...maybe...)#the ducks have ears well... it was fun writing it! I liked the idea of peeking at the relationship between crowley and warlock and that stor #y was the right occasion #kakoolukyam has always been a missing piece that I found in the trilogy that I love with all my heart! it was like making up for something I #'ve always wanted to remedy #I consider Trapped my crowning achievement... a way of saying thank you to good omens: horror with some mildly amusing notes that... if I ev #er finish it someday... will have its more than deserved happy ending!#his favourite actor i adore it! it was the one i would have loved to see in staged! neil gaiman struggling with michael and david's bickerin #g!!!

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noforkingclue · 3 years

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Could I have a Drabble for prompt 7 with the 10th Doctor x Reader (I feel like this could also work from Crowley from Good Omens, if Good Omens becomes a thing you write for someday, but we’ll go with Ten because it’s David Tennant… the same actor playing characters with similar personalities).

I hope you’re enjoying Egypt! So jealous— watch out for killer mummies on the Orient Express!

Thank you! I’m loving Egypt. I’ve been wanting to come here for as long as I can remember!

Also, I love Good Omens! It’s one of my favourite books and the tv series is great as well. I’ve been thinking about writing for it for a while, to tell you the truth.

If you want I can do this for Crowley instead?

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sserpente · 3 years

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Hey! How are you? I hope you're well. Oh, and how's London? 😄

I coincidentally found an ask (don't ask me how, it just kinda happened 😂), in which an annon asked you, if you like/know Doctor Who... You answered that you know it - that was the first time I screamed in excitement. You also said that the 10th Doctor is your doctor - aka David Tennant. That was the second time I screamed. Aaaand finally you said you'll be seeing him in the play 'Good' - the third time I screamed. I don't know if you have seen him now, 'cause you know... Fucking hell I would die to see him or Tom someday in the flesh... You're so lucky! 😄 Anyway, I loooove Doctor Who so so much - and David, so... That's very cool! Sorry about the rambling... I'm always so excited to meet people who like the same things. 😊

Heyho there, love! I’m good, thank you! London is great! So much still to be done though! I’ve been trying to find the perfect curtains for my flat for two weeks now.

So, yes! I do like Doctor Who (did you know there’s a Doctor Who museum in London? I was there--it’s fantastic!) and yes yes yes, David Tennant is my doctor, haha! Also his seasons are simply the best, I can’t help it!

I was going to see him in “Good” and I still am! Unfortunately, due to the panini the runtime of the play was postponed for the second time very recently, so I don’t know yet when it will finally happen! Once it does, I hope this whole madness will be over so I’ll have a chance to speak to him and maybe even snatch a selfie!

Also, tell me about it. I still haven’t processed meeting Tom and that’s two years ago now. I was sooo nervous and shy, haha! 🙈 I really appreciate how lucky I got!

I hope you’re doing well, feel free to come ramble anytime! ♥

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dollsome-does-tumblr · 3 years

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I have decided to post my list of all the stuff I watched this year (that I kept track of anyway!), so you can understand why I am incredibly not productive at reading, writing, or keeping my house clean.

Italics are used to indicate rewatches!

Movies Watched In 2020

January 1. Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker (Ehh!) 2. The Biggest Little Farm (yay! nature! i guess.) 3. Cats (oof - but also, amazing!) 4. Like A Boss (I honestly barely remember what this is at this point. A relic from an age where we went to the movies just because we were bored!) 5. The Turning (NOPE! Thank God we got Bly Manor later in the year!) 6. You, Me, and Him (Very promising premise. Lucy Punch and David Tennant are there, even. But BAD!!!!!!!!) 7. Dolittle (Going to the movies just because you’re bored: Part 2) 8. Miss Americana (YES!!!!!) 9. THE VELOCIPASTOR (YES!!!!!!) February 10. Knives Out (a good ‘un) 11. A Little Princess (the BEST ‘un) 12. Enchanted (always an important rewatch!) 13. Birds of Prey (x2!) (THE ONLY WAY TO WATCH BIRDS OF PREY. can you believe that in this calendar year, i got to go see birds of prey in the theatre twice?) 14. Austenland (ALWAYS!) 15. Vita & Virginia (found it kind of a slog but might try it again someday) 16. Honey Boy (my boyfriend wanted to watch it okay) 17. Brittany Runs A Marathon (a decent dramedy time!) 18. Ideal Home (like sherlock holmes always called irene adler the woman, i always call this movie The Movie) 19. To All The Boys 2 (okay, with pretty colors and stuff!) 20. Best in Show (can you believe it took me this long to see it??) 21. Tell It To The Bees (nooooooooooooo! don’t tell ME about it, anyway!) 22. Napoleon Dynamite (PERFECTION ITSELF WAS ACHIEVED IN THE YEAR 2004!)

March 23. Mr. Right (trying to remember what this was. i think it’s that movie with anna kendrick and sam rockwell! in which case: a solid action romcom, VERY fun chemistry betwixt them!) 24. Mansfield Park (1999) (always a good ‘un full of hot mess people!) 25. Wild Nights With Emily (YES!) 26. Emma. (and on that day, we all knew austen aesthetic perfection) 27. Fighting with my Family (a solid watch always. plus: a movie about a teenage girl with no love interest!!!!! i am STILL thrilled about that.) 28. Jojo Rabbit (laugh-sob!) 29. Last Christmas (laugh-sob ft. emma thompson! emilia clarke make me one million more movies in the romcom-ish department! you were made to be sparkling and hilarious!) 30. Roman Holiday (this was the first time i’d seen this movie as an adult and it owned my whole soul) 31. The Big Year (i like birds and jack black and rashida jones and movies that feature alaska. who doesn’t?) April 32. Onward (this was fun!) 33. Parasite (this was fun, and then it TEARS YOUR SOUL OUT!) 34. Love. Wedding. Repeat. (.............. NO. do not, under any circumstances, repeat. why would you use sam claflin like this?) 35. Damsel (mia wasikowska and rpattz cool western weirdness!) 36. Jane Goodall: The Hope (jane goodall rules!!!!!!) 37. The Secret Garden (PERFECTION ITSELF, like and yet not at all like napoleon dynamite) 38. Portrait of a Lady on Fire (such a beautiful and aesthetically exquisite film!) May 39. Sense & Sensibility (1995) (ALWAYS) 40. That Thing You Do (i still had the soundtrack 100% memorized from my childhood!) 41. Click (DO NOT RECOMMEND) 42. Much Ado About Nothing (2011) - Not a movie, but it was 2 hours and 40 minutes so I'm counting it! Such a joy to see the T&T Delight Factory up to their antics in classic romcom shape! (that was my original note when i put it on the list; i stand by it. WHERE IS OUR TENNANT/TATE MARRIEDS SHOW?) 43. The Half of It (so good!) 44. Yes Man (i mean ... it happened!) 45. The Lovebirds (not amazing BUT a very fun pair of characters) June 46. If Beale Street Could Talk (beautiful! heartbreaking!) 47. Her (i mean ............ okay.) 48. A Mighty Wind (do you ever feel like eugene levy is eugene levy-ing TOO hard?) 49. Rocketman (a great ‘un!) 50. The King of Staten Island (i had some feelings! pete davidson did good!) 51. Guess Who’s Coming To Dinner (hey! i watched a classic movie this year! it was good! it felt more modern than i expected!) 52. Cat People (1982) - GOD HELP ME (my original note; i stand by it) 53. Blow the Man Down (aaaaaaaaahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!) 54. Outside In (what is this? i guess i’ll have to google it. oh! it was a lynn shelton movie! poignant and weird.) 55. The Hundred-Foot Journey (really nice if you want the feeling of going to very aesthetically pleasing europe without actually being able to go to europe! plus: FOOD) 56. The Good Liar (oh my god this movie was BLEAK and i wanted it to be FUN, damn it!) 57. The Blackcoat's Daughter (I hated watching this ... SO MUCH!!!!!!!) 58. Eurovision Song Contest: the Story of Fire Saga (I loved watching this ... SO MUCH!!!) July 59. Carrie Pilby (i mean, it happened) 60. Big Eden (so sweet!!!!!! this dude also made the family stone and i’ve realized i kind of love his movie style.) 61. Love Jacked (some classic made-for-tv-level romcom goodness!) 62. Uncut Gems (AAAAAAAAAH) 63. Late Night (i mean, it’s mindy kaling and emma thompson, come on) 64. Spaceship Earth (i watched a documentary! i’m a really smart person now, guys! like, if you asked me what this documentary was about, i would say, “blah blah blah blah, blah blah blah blah blah!”, giving you the exact right answer!) 65. Desperados (BAD, but a winston/aly reunion is not something i’m gonna turn my nose up at) 66. Palm Springs (so good!!!!!!) 67. Hannah Gadsby: Douglas (so good!!!!!!!!) August 68. Summerland (SO GOOD!!!!!!!!!!!!) 69. Outlaw King (no thank you please! i just wanted the whole thing to be about chris pine and florence pugh’s arranged marriage, because i am me) 70. 10 Cloverfield Lane (a forever gothic fave!) 71. Crimson Peak (another forever gothic fave! [we were watching all these because my boyfriend was writing a paper about all my gothic faves]) 72. Get Out (see above!) September 73. Rear Window (what a zany time this movie is! grace kelly = PERFECT, window guy with broken leg whose name i’ve forgotten = A DAMN FOOL for stringing her along) 74. Little Women (2019) (i mean, you don’t need to hear me talk about this even more) 75. Ex Machina (gothic fave again!!!!!!!!!!) 76. Enola Holmes (this movie really just made me so happy with its bright sunny aesthetic and enola being epic, hilarious, plucky, and awesome) 77. Parasite (again! this time for the whole modern gothic movies purpose! by this point me and the bf were starting to get kind of depressed/freaked out!) 78. Leap Year (MY LOVE, MY LIFE) October 79. The Witches (1990) (um. WHAT! i thank the good lord that i never saw this as a child, because it would have been the mental ruin of me.) 80. Hubie Halloween (hey, it happened in front of my eyeballs, okay!) 81. Rebecca (2020) (x2) (yes. i watched it twice for some reason. and by ‘some reason,’ i mean SHIPPING MRS. DW 2 AND MRS. DANVERS BECAUSE WHY NOT, THEY WERE VIBIN’!) 82. The Witches (2020) (would NOT scar me for life; i did find it nicer than critics seemed to) 83. The Addams Family (i mean, *chef’s kiss*) 84. Addams Family Values (DEBBIE IS MY HERO!) 85. Holidate (this was dumb but also quite fun?) 86. Hocus Pocus (THE essential october watch! god, i miss the 90s.) 87. Ready or Not (s’more excellent halloween viewing! i didn’t find this movie quite as fun rewatching as i did the first time around, but danged if it’s not a great lead performance.) November 88. Downhill (well, no. i guess what this gave to my lif was when i read the new ruth ware novel shortly after this, i was like, “dang, avalanches are really factoring into my fiction lately!” and that’s what this movie gave me. would have loved to see a stronger movie from these actors!) 89. My Best Friend's Wedding (rewatchin’ a classic! this movie kind of rules?) 90. Easy A (the parents are my lifespiration always!) 91. Ideal Home ❤️❤️❤️ (sometimes, you watch a movie you love very much yet again, and your soul cannot rest until you put three heart emojis beside its title) 92. Jingle Jangle: A Christmas Journey (so fun and pretty to look upon!) 93. The Invisible Man (2020) (AAAAAAAH! this was a great movie.) 94. An American Pickle (rather poignant and diverting!) 95. The Princess Switch (i don’t know why the exact degree of sweet stupidity in these movies charms me so, but it does. it does!) 96. The Princess Switch 2 (EVEN BETTER! MORE VANESSAS TO SWITCH!) 97. Big Miracle (alaska movie!!!!!!! with lots of great people in it!!!!!) 98. Happiest Season (i mean, i don’t know. i’ve read so much discourse on either side of the issue that i just DON’T KNOW. it happened! i watched it!) 99. Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day (AMY ADAMS BEING PERFECT, FRANCES MCDORMAND BEING PERFECT, LEE PACE BEING PERFECT, CIARAN HINDS BEING PERFECT) 100. The Family Stone (i hated this movie when it first came out but i loved it watching it this time around??? i love movies when it’s a bunch of people just interacting within a small, not very dramatic setting. that’s my catnip.) December 101. Godmothered (i love the f/f version i made up in my head) 102. Little Nicky (yeah! that’s right! i watched little nicky this year! i blame spn!) 103. Emma (2020) (sometimes a girl needeth a rewatch) 104. The Secret Garden (2020) (nah.) 105. Batman Returns (WHAT!) 106. Batman Forever (WHAT!!!) 107. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey (i did it! i finally watched them!) 108. The Holiday (i, no joke, love this movie more every single time i watch it.) 109. Little Women (1994) (SAME!) 110. The Hobbit 2 (probably the one i enjoyed the least in the trilogy? but also: tauriel!) 111. Little Women (2019) (some years, you just keep watching cinema auteur greta gerwig’s adaptation of little women.) 112. Wonder Woman 1984 (*shrug*) 113. The Hobbit 3 (i actually liked this one, maybe the best of the lot! but not enough to include the actual title in my list!) and my list of tv for the year, but sans commentary because i’m tired. if you want to ask what i thought of anything, go right ahead! you’re sure to get a thrilling answer!! TV Shows Watched in 2020 January Spinning Out, Season 1 New Girl, Full Series Grace and Frankie, Season 6 The Mandalorian, Season 1 Sex Education, Season 2 February The Crown, Season 1 Sanditon, Season 1 Locke & Key, Season 1 The Crown, Season 2 Fresh Off The Boat, Season 6 March Hillary, Full Series (Huh, something weird must have happened this month! Ahahahaha ......)

April The Office, Full Series Anne with an E, Season 1 Happy Endings, Full Series Avenue 5, Season 1 Derry Girls, Full Series The Kingdom of the White Wolf May Never Have I Ever, Season 1 Zoey’s Extraordinary Playlist, Season 1 Good Girls, Season 3 Bless This Mess, Season 2 Sense & Sensibility (2008), Full Series The Last Man On Earth, Full Series Broadchurch, Full Series The Great, Season 1 The Mick, Full Series Poldark, Season 5 June Beecham House, Season 1 Wanted, Seasons 1-3 The Baby-Sitters Club, Season 1 July Anne with an E, Full Series The Mindy Project, Full Series Four Weddings and a Funeral, Full Series This Is Us, Season 4 The Big Flower Fight, Season 1 Atlanta, Season 1 Catastrophe, Full Series August Lovesick, Full Series The Miniaturist, Full Series Harley Quinn, Season 1 Doctor Who, Season 1 Episodes, Full Series Harley Quinn, Season 2 The Comeback, Full Series Doctor Who, Season 2 Torchwood, Season 1 September Reign, Season 1 Reign, Season 2 Doctor Who, Season 3 Torchwood, Season 2

Escape to the Chateau, Season 1-Season 4 The Duchess, Season 1 Torchwood, Children of Earth Superstore, Season 1-3 Reign, Season 3 October Superstore, Season 4-5 Emily in Paris, Season 1 Over the Garden Wall, Full Series Doctor Who, Season 4 Pen15, Season 2 Last Tango in Halifax, Season 5 Reign, Season 4 The Haunting of Bly Manor Doctor Who, Season 5 The Baby-Sitters Club, Season 1 Dickinson, Season 1 November Ted Lasso, Season 1 Flesh and Blood, Full Series Supernatural, Season 1 Supernatural, Season 2 Brooklyn 99, Seasons 1-7 Miracle Workers, Season 1 Supernatural, Season 3 I Hate Suzie, Season 1 December Supernatural, Season 4 Dash and Lily, Full Series Supernatural, Season 5 Supernatural, Season 6 The Undoing, Full Series Life in Pieces, Full Series The Flight Attendant, Season 1 Ghosts, Series 1-2 Doctor Who, Season 6 Supernatural, Season 7 Doctor Who, Season 7 His Dark Materials, Season 2 Bridgerton, Season 1

#dollsome's deep thoughts #sort of #how else do i label the tv and movie consumption which shapes my being?

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bonneyq · 4 years

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Hi! :) how you doing? I was wondering how things were over there in Ireland, specially in covid world. Hope you're safe! Also, I'm little curious about what you work with (sorry if I'm being nosy), but someday I want to live in another country, and just keep thinking how it feels like, how you manage stuff etc. I know it's a little different in every place, but you know.. :)

Hi Anon! I’m fine, thanks for asking! I hope you are doing well too!

Well, Sadly here in Ireland we are probably going back to Phase 5, we were on Phase 2 a couple of weeks ago, with restaurants and hotels opening, but now we are seeing 1000 cases almost every day so the government is trying to find a better solution. It’s a wait game now.

And if you could live in another country, even for a little while, the experience is amazing. I have lived in 3 different ones so far and the difference of cultures makes us richer.

Currently, because of Covid, I am not working, but I worked as a cleaner at an all boys’ school for many months last year and as a live-in au pair for half of this year. Hopefully I can find something that hurts my back less soon (I didn’t mind the cleaning duties, but I think I have some sciatica nerve pain. I’ll look into it better when I go to Brazil).

When I lived in Bolivia, I was a child. I went there at 17, just shy of 18. That was a whole experience in itself, but I arrived in Ireland when I was 27, a grown woman and I was still figuring myself out. Still am, really.

I think it’s mostly how much you want something and how much you crave independence. I was taught from an early age to be very independent even if I did have an overprotective mom. I also have had some... troubles (understatement) that gave me some serious trust issues with people, but never in myself.

I manage because there’s no other way. It’s either going forward or getting stuck and I learned the hard way that going forward is so rewarding. I’ve had some great experiences since I started to travel on my own, honestly, since I had to grow up. It hurt, but made me stronger.

To be fair, it helps that I do love English and I get to practice all the time here, I managed to convince my BFF to come live here for a while as well (we are living at the same house!) and of course, I found my boyfriend here, that ridiculous amazing nerd that somehow loves me and that I love back. That helps a lot.

I chose Ireland because it was “easier” for me to come and live here and also because of its location: I planned to travel during my two-year stay here, Covid kinda put a hold on that lol I did manage to go to a Comic Con in Birmigham (where I met David Tennant, Matt Smith, Catherine Tate, Gareth David-Lloyd! I was so nervous!) and to Edinburgh with my boo! Things I would never had had the opportunity to do if I had stayed where I was.

It’s not easy, it takes a type of courage that some people have, others don’t and that’s okay. Everyone is different, some people are perfectly happy where they are and others have to wander a bit before settling down. Maybe even never settle down! Other people don’t have the means to, and I had to work my ass off to pay my way here, I am one of the fortunate ones that could fullfill this dream and I’m thankful.

I love Ireland, everyone I have met here so far has been lovely, but sadly, I know there’s going to come a day where I’ll meet the “wrong” people. Xenophobes that will probably tell me to go back to my country. I know some people look at my relationship and think nasty thoughts because my boyfriend is Irish. I don’t know what my reaction will be when that happens and I hope I never have to find out.

But that doesn’t stop me, shouldn’t stop anyone.

Do what makes you happy, go where your heart leads you, work the jobs that are available, live your life to the fullest!

Oh, wow, this is huge now LOL I’m sorry. But yeah, I would 100% recommend living in another country if you can. Research, first. Ponder the pros and cons, be smart about it, strategize on how you’ll spend your time and money.

Ask yourself: can you be away from your family for a long period of time? How long and expensive is the flight/ride back home? Does the city you intend to live have an embassy or a consulate from your country? Do you know the language, if not, how will you learn or communicate? Does the country have any restrictions on clothes or coverings of any kind?

If you research and you still want to do it, save up and go after your dream! It’s very rewarding, no matter the length of time you stay! <3

#ask #personal #Anonymous

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charlottemadison42 · 4 years

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On Good Omens and Faith

Here follow personal thoughts on what Good Omens has meant to me as an Exvangelical. There’s a lot of healing & hope here, but it gets a bit dark first, as worthy stories do.

CW: I wasn’t badly spiritually abused in church, but I’ll be discussing things that are spiritually abusive: purity culture, sexphobia, queerphobia, abortion, mild self-harm, failure to treat mental health appropriately, ableism -- plus the special ways church authority makes all of these especially hard.

I’m personally an atheist but this message is not an argument against faith itself, rather against the specific subculture I grew up in. If you are a person of faith you’re welcome here.

I grew up in the American Evangelical subculture of the 80′s and 90′s, in the Keith Green/DC Talk/Left Behind/Veggie Tales era. I got saved at a Carman concert in sixth grade, and re-pledged my faith just to be extra sure every year at summer camp and youth group retreats.

This upbringing is not unusual. Doesn’t make me special. But its effects were real.

I’m finally engaged in a reckoning with it, in the “I should maybe talk this over with a support group or therapist” sense. I was a worship leader and youth leader at a Vineyard church when I left my faith abruptly in 2007*. It took me ten years to tell my family and friends that I was an atheist. For that decade I didn’t think about it -- but when I confessed to my loved ones two years ago, the processing began in earnest.

If you came up Evangelical, you already know how literal our belief in angels and demons can be in certain strains of the church. Until I was 26, I believed they were real entities genuinely and invisibly at war all around me. The End Times were real and we were in them. The Antichrist was whatever high profile democrat could be weaponized at the moment, the Rapture was nigh, and Armageddon was imminent (which explained why tension kept building in the Middle East).

My church community regularly discussed friends and neighbors’ problems in the language of demon possession or harrassment: depression was a demon, addiction was a demon, promiscuity was a demon. I was part of casual and formal exorcisms and the occasional healing. No holy water, but there were hours of fervent prayers and tears, speaking in tongues and anointing with oil. It’s like a fever dream looking back at it now.**

Shout out to my other teens and tweens of the Frank Peretti era, forbidden from reading books of fantasy any later than Lewis or Tolkein -- Xanth was forbidden, Hogwarts was demonic. We were given instead (retrospectively) horrifying books about spiritual warfare, Christian takes on historical fiction, and end times fantasies. But they weren’t sold as fantasy to us, it was all real. Adults in positions of power confirmed it over and over. Narnia might be allegory but This Present Darkness supposedly illustrated spiritual truths.

I remember telling a trusted church teacher at age 10 or 11 that sometimes I would get scared at night, in the dark, and feel a palpable terror that kept me awake. They told me with no hint of comfort, “That means a demon is visiting you and sitting on your chest, trying to oppress you with fear so you will sin. Don’t wake your parents or read a book, instead you should pray or read only the Bible until the demon is compelled to leave, either by an angel or the presence of God.” This adult was affirmed by amens and mm-hmms.

I took this teaching to heart. I also understood, by implication, that if the bad feeling stayed with me then I was praying wrong -- that no angel would rescue me that night. I knew that my fear as it compounded in the dark was itself a sin that made God harder for me to reach.

These are not things that should be told to children.

Then there were the prophecies. (read more if this resonates with you, if not I’ll clip it here so I don’t take up your whole screen)

Anyone could prophesy in most churches I attended. Dreams were prophecies, visions were prophecies, vague feelings were prophecies. (That gave nightmares / being hormonal / being really hungry an awful lot of sway at Bible study.)

I had a woman prophesy over me weeping, with her hands buried in my hair, that she felt overwhelming grief for my future child. I was 23.

I have no child, and I harbored the secret at the time was that I didn’t want one -- a rebellion for me as a married woman. I feared she was prophesying an abortion in my future, and I was inconsolable for months at the damning choice that would visit me someday. (As of this writing at age 38 I’ve never been pregnant, for which I give all thanks to modern birth control.) I still wonder what happened to that woman’s child, or pregnancy, or perhaps her desire for a child, that this was her prophecy for me.

I heard much darker things prophesied over other people. I remember career changes (ill-advised) and marriages staying together (they shouldn’t have) and mission trips undertaken (that assuredly should not have been) because of prophesies.

Last, of course, I didn’t know it yet but I had many queer friends at the time. Some of them didn’t know it. We had no context in our small town -- and no corners of the internet to hide in and learn context, because the internet didn’t do much more than access our local library catalog at the time. I was told that demons sat on my chest to oppress me as a child, but I was shielded from understanding what a lesbian actually was until I was sixteen.

I remember feeling vaguely guilty when we prayed over this or that person in youth group, entreating God that they could resist their base urges. We prayed that they could choose a life of abstinence if they had to, rather than enter sexual sin and be cast out. I felt guilty but I still joined the circle to pray.

I’m sorry. I was wrong. Part of me knew it at the time. I wish I had listened to that part of me because that it was correct. There are fragments of my former faith I still treasure, but those prayers were rotten to the core.

Sidebar: Luckily that feeling of guilt bloomed quickly into rejecting queerphobic doctrine. By age 20 I decided I could only attend churches that did not preach homophobic takes on scripture from the pulpit, and that did not advocate/imply advocacy for any particular political party. The reason I mention this: if YOU are currently a person of faith in this position, uncomfortable with what you hear from your leadership, go find a church that’s queer-affirming, gives to the poor, and advocates for immigrants. Live in a conservative area? Create or join a home church. That’s what the early church looked like anyway. Don’t shrug off this responsibility. Shine a light.

Anyway. Several years later, I fell.

I had to step down from multiple church leadership positions in one day. My entire life changed in two months; marriage, job, home, friends, everything uprooted when I could no longer pretend to believe. I didn’t tell my family why everything fell apart, even as they let me crash their couches.

I had wanted to be a good believer. I read apologetics, the mystics, eschatology, theophostics. I taught and attended study groups, I took troubled teens out to coffee, I served the homeless, I waited til marriage. I was in church as many as thirty hours weekly. When I first felt my faith slipping I said “not yet,” and I read the entire Bible straight through twice, in different translations, while journaling through “My Utmost for His Highest.” Then, unsatisfied, I read and annotated the New Testament in interlinear Greek. I gave it my everything.

What could replace all that?

Time, it turns out. And freedom.

Freedom to not think about it was perhaps the kindest freedom. The constant labor of self-evaluation and thought policing that goes into Evangelical Christianity is exhausting. Letting it go of it felt like getting my mind back. Or owning it for the first time, since I never knew this freedom before. I had even been seeking counseling because I was hearing multiple voices in my head at once, all mine, often arguing. That problem vanished the hour I deconverted. I heard only one voice anymore, and it was my own.

For ten years I was free to just not think about it.

When I decided to remarry I realized that I didn’t want to explain to anyone why my ceremony would not include prayers or communion. So I told my loved ones at last that I was an atheist, a decade late. They received it graciously, and I’m sure they had known-but-not-acknowledged it for a long time. I hope they don’t worry about me or pray behind my back for my salvation. But if they do I can’t accept responsibility for it anymore.

Since that confession I’ve finally felt compelled to back at what all actually happened in church. It seemed so normal to me at the time. But wait, it wasn’t:

I exorcised people. I laid on hands for healings. I encouraged episodes of religious rapture, falling out, and speaking in tongues, and as a worship leader I knew the music cues to bring them about (yes, there are certain chord and tempo changes for that). I was present for prophecies that changed people’s lives and might have issued some myself, I don’t remember. I alienated people who didn’t fit in, whether because they were queer or just because they didn’t conform to church culture. I witnessed abuse and had no language to report it or even comprehend it. I hurt people. I was hurt.

I was told there were real demons in my room and I had to pray them away all by myself.

The work of undoing this mindf*ck (sorry friends of faith, that’s how it felt) suddenly turned urgent after being ignored for a decade. I can’t afford therapy, but thankfully Twitter chats and message boards and podcasts exist (thank you, @goodchristianfun and @exvangelical).

And then -- out of the blue -- along came my own personal angel and demon, along with Frances McDormand herself. I watched it on a whim. (Actually no, David Tennant’s hair made me.)

Apparently Good Omens had a few things to say directly to my mindf*cked subconscious:

1) Are you scared of demons in a pathological childhood trauma way? Here, have a helping of this amalgam of your favorite Doctor and scariest ever Marvel villain tearing it up as the demon Crowley.

2) Does your mild bookish personality and respect for the culture you grew up in keep you reflexively deferential to authority, even as it gaslights you and hurts others? Enjoy some Michael Sheen as the angel Aziraphale.

3) Are you stuck still mentally assigning a male gender to the god you always claimed was beyond gender? Boom, meet Her in all Her ineffable wisdom.

4) Are you terrified of the End Times, both as a Biblical horror of childhood and as an adult who reads the f*cking news? Let’s fantasize awhile about a solvable apocalypse (because what would that even look like, yo).

5) Do you keep reflexively binarizing good and evil? Still giving in to the temptation to characterize humans as righteous or fallen, especially celebrities and political prospects? Spend some time on Our Side with Adam, the utterly human Antichrist, as he makes choices that matter -- some goodish, some baddish, all with mixed consequences, because that’s what humans do.

6) Do you need more queer love stories in your life? Yes you do. Yes. YES. Here it is. The good stuff. Whether it’s gay, trans, genderfluid, asexual, agender, metaphysical, whatever (I’m enjoying reading all these takes and more on AO3) it’s a hell of a love story.

Good Omens was a f*cking revelation.

I’m not sure why the show hit me as hard as it did in the Exvangelical feels. It’s not that it’s a perfect show, but it was the right thing at the right time for me, and it brought a truck full of dynamite to the excavation I was just beginning with a trowel and a makeup brush. I finished watching ep 6 and thought “why do I feel like I’ll be thinking about this every single day for years?”

And then I looked down, and lo and behold I had an open chest wound -- inside of which I found the banished memory of a child trembling and praying in terror in a dark room.

There was a lot that I forgot about in the ten years it took me to hike away from Evangelical life. It all came rushing back.

I had forgotten the sweat and cries during exorcisms and the heat of laying on of hands. I had forgotten fits of ecstatic tears of self-hatred and self-denial so strong they were almost blissful, as I sang and chanted mantras like “I am nothing, You are everything.” I had forgotten giving away ten percent of my income until I was 26. I had forgotten the constant mental effort of Being A Proverbs 31 Woman, about submission and complementarianism and feeling responsible to guard the virtue of men by never tempting them. I had forgotten the pressure to not even masturbate before marriage and to become a sexual athlete the night after.

I had forgotten the hours and hours of daily prayers. Every phrase was carefully carved in language my superego ran by my doctrine, to make sure no hint of rebellion ever bled through. I washed words of need and doubt and frustration from my mind so they could never slip between me and my Heavenly Father. I didn’t just want to hide thoughts God wouldn’t like, I would have cut them out with violence if I knew how. As a result I picked and ticced and cut and exhibited symptoms of OCD.

It hurt to remember all of this at once during a BBC Amazon Prime miniseries. It confused me. It confused my spouse. I looked at all these feelings, exposed and piled in a massive dirty heap -- and I spotted the straps I used to haul it around with me for decades. Who knew I could carry all that? The weight of faith?

But I don’t have to pick it up again. I had a new story to help me frame my story. I felt equipped with a flaming sword to face my past and a new syntax to describe the old ideas I'm ready to let go of.

I got to recast Heaven and Hell. I was invited to ask myself whether a cozy cluttered bookshop doesn’t beat them both hands down.

I got to reimagine angels and demons, good and bad, intentions and consequences. I was invited to live in the reality that we’re all of us humans in between, and that I’m probably still overinvested in the value of Good and Bad as yardsticks.

I got to reimagine western history. The show’s perspective of history is very limited and Eurocentric, but it’s also the version of history I was taught at an early age, which made the story a useful lens to deconstruct what I learned before I knew much about critical thinking.

The opening of Episode 3 in particular f*cked me up. First Aziraphale lies to God and She vanishes, then Crowley starts poking holes in the story of the Flood, then at the Crucifixion -- I started breathing hard on my first viewing, experiencing a real physiological threat response. I was loving it, of course, but distressed panicky love.

The second time I watched it I realized what was happening: I was going back to Sunday School to revisit ideas I absorbed before I was fully sentient, and examining them in the light of fully formed adult secular morality. They look different from here.

When God withdraws Her presence from Aziraphale in the first few moments of Ep 3 as he prevaricates (well, lies) I remembered the one great fear of my faithful life: that I could sin a particular sin and as punishment I would be cut off from God’s presence. As a believer in the End Times, that meant the Rapture could occur at any moment and I might be rejected, be left behind to experience the Tribulation.

Now, from some remove, I realize that I always had one fear larger. It’s a thought I never allowed myself to entertain consciously. Good Omens unearthed it like a vein of flowing lava:

If the Apocalypse as my church describes it is real, how could God want it to happen? And if God does, is this a God I want to worship? If I don’t, but I’ll be damned for that, is my faith freely chosen?

Whose side could I really be on, in the End Times, if not Heaven’s or Hell’s?

These are not small questions.

I’m relieved that I answered them a long time ago for myself.

But even after the answering, there’s fallout; a million little knots to untie and ideas to unlearn. We all get to spend our lives doing this sort of archaeological dig through our childhood baggage, I suppose. My Stuff is certainly not unique. It’s just a lot. Same as everyone’s.

But once in awhile a story comes along and helps us with the process. A sharper spade, a better tool for the work. In my case, through Good Omens I received demolition-grade explosives. It gave me a framework, characters, and a personal shorthand to speed my own digging and contextualize what I find.

If your history is kinda like mine -- whether you’re still in the faith or not -- be sure to talk to someone about church stuff from your past. The weird stuff, the dark stuff, the things you did/people did to you that now seem “off.” Even if you’ve grown past the point of “mental illness requires an exorcism” there are still dangerous ideas buried like land mines in our moral matrices. Self-hatred, intolerance, fear of abandonment, fear that failure is damnation, presumption that “we’re” on the “right side” of everything and “they’re” not, fear that we the apocalypse Is Written by powers above and so we can’t change it.

I’m so happy I know a story with an Our Side now.

I’m so happy I know a story in which the true test of devotion to God’s Ineffable Plan is turning away from the dictates of Heaven and turning toward the World.

I’m so glad I met Aziraphale -- so like me, still seeking Heaven’s approval far too late in the game. I’m so grateful he found the courage to walk away, and I’m so glad I did too. I love that I know Crowley now, self-pwning lovelorn disaster demon of minor inconveniences and imagination and free will. I’m so happy Crowley was there to tempt his friend with questions from the start, and to receive him when he was finally ready to break away.

I’m so proud to know Adam and the Them and Anathema and Newt, inept humans trying their hardest against unstoppable cosmic forces, getting it right not just despite their flaws but through and because of them.

I’m so grateful I’ve finally managed to completely swap to female pronouns for God (thanks, Frances). I still love stories about Her, I still enjoy talking theology and religion. And after 20+ years of insisting God is above gender but masculinizing him, it’s about time I switch to thinking of God as Her for a spell to even things out.***

I’m so thankful for the nicest fandom I’ve known in ages and all the glorious queer beautiful amazing body-positive art and writing growing in this fabulous garden.

Confession accomplished.

P.S. I might not have the time/resources you need to chat with you if you’ve had similar experiences or want to discuss. If you need help be sure to reach somewhere healthy to get it. If you witness abuse, online or in church or otherwise -- report it, block it, mute it, shut it down, whatever is in your power.

P.P.S. If you have words of rebuke for me from a churchy place, and/or critiques about gender or politics, sorry, don’t give a f*ck. This is my story to tell and I am secure in my spiritual status. I am free indeed.

++++++++++++++

*Re. Deconversion: Or rather, I had my faith zapped out of me in what turned out to be the truest rapturous religious experience of my life. It happened in a church service; I almost fell out and spoke in tongues with the tingling power of understanding that I was truly and finally faithless. It’s an interesting deconversion story if you're familiar with charismatic church stuff, ask me sometime over tea. It felt like this.

**Re. Exorcisms: Most disturbing was the regular practice of exorcising people who clearly needed professional help for their mental health. I was present when prayers against demons happened over cases of depression, manic depression, epilepsy and other seizures, addiction, schizophrenia, and psychotic episodes. My particular church did acknowledge the role of modern medicine, but felt that the true core of these issues was spiritual and that medication ultimately could not solve a problem of demonic infestation. Looking back now I shudder and weep to think that this happened, that I was part of it once, and that it still happens daily at churches everywhere. It can be unspeakably damaging to the people being prayed over. If this practice happens in your church, leave. If it happens at a church where you’re in leadership, end it.

***Re. God as She/Her: I encourage you to find your own appropriate pronouns for God, whether you believe in Them or not. For me personally, still reeling from the Proverbs 31 upbringing, She/Her is very healing for now. But gender is a construct etc. etc.

#good omens #good omens analysis #aziraphale #crowley #exvangelical #ex-christian #neil gaiman

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markcampbells · 3 years

Text

thirty questions

@the-blind-assassin-12 tagged me; thanks, Alyssa :) and tagging @malionnes because she’s one of the only ones who reads these all the way through.

Name/nickname: Tracy. I go by Trai because I always went by it in the Internet stranger-danger days (more adrogynous) and because I went through a period of being ~~unique~~ where I wanted to spell my name with an i instead. I dropped that, but Trai stuck with my middle and high school friends, though there’s only one of those left who calls me that regularly. I never insisted on it to my college friends so they all call me Tracy, though one of them and I call each other “twin” as a mutual endearment since our interests are extremely similar. If I’m introducing myself or referring to myself in an online context, like here on Tumblr, it’s pretty much always by Trai.

Gender: Female

Star sign: Capricorn. Which gets left out of astrology memes a lot, I feel like? Anyway.

Height: Uh, I always say 5′3″ and just assume that’s true, so... that.

Time: 1:55 PM

Birthday: January 3rd. So my 30th is coming up in 2021, aka Plague Year Part II.

Favorite bands: The Killers and Florence + the Machine. I should listen to more Tegan and Sara and Of Monsters and Men because I like particular albums of theirs but haven’t gone into their wider discographies.

Favorite solo artists: I’m regrettably not current on all these, but present and past favorites include Michelle Branch, Vanessa Carlton, Ingrid Michaelson, KT Tunstall, Jason Mraz, Alanis Morissette, Nelly Furtado, and Anna Nalick.

Song stuck in my head: Earlier I read a book title that had the word Yellow in it and ended up with “The Yellow Rose of Texas,” so that’s... not particularly helpful.

Last movie: The Prom. My movie watching has been extremely thin on the ground last year since my attention hasn’t been up for it. In recent months (going back to August) a handful of others I watched were Water Lilies, Kajillionaire, The Boys in the Band, and Howard.

Last show: Six Feet Under, which I’m watching for the first time. I’m almost at the end of Season 1 and I honestly love it. It isn’t really a surprise to me that I do--I like black comedy, I unfortunately had a lot of death in my family in my formative years so my mom and I have always had a sense of humor about that kind of thing (plus she grew up over a funeral home herself), and I was always interested in it knowing Michael C. Hall’s character and his partner were significant for gay representation on TV--but it is always a pleasant find to find a TV show you genuinely enjoy watching.

When did I create this blog: April 2nd, 2010. Back in my day we got the damn Tumbeasts error message AND WE HATED IT.

What do I post: Well, it used to be more consistent when I had more consistent interests, but now it’s kind of a mess. I used to love posting more about what I was reading, but haven’t done that much lately. Period drama/Jane Austen can be a strong presence, and in recent years my attachment to Star Trek has grown. Doom Patrol and Legends of Tomorrow during their seasons tend to be strong fixtures. Matt Bomer and Chris Pine show up when they’ve got projects going (David Tennant used to feature more in the old days but I’ve strayed from his fandom). Queer art and queer culture.

Last thing googled: “will ferrell owen wilson.” I went into the break room to wash my hands after the end of my shift and a movie was playing on MTV that I didn’t recognize from the off. I think it was Wedding Crashers, which I saw back when it came out and then never again, so I’m not sure. I tend to be curious about what movie is playing on TV if I don’t recognize it.

Other blogs: @pinesexualmckirk is where I’m attempting to put my more niche Star Trek posting (and is acting as a repository for the McKirk fanfics I want to read eventually). I have started literally two writing sideblogs that I convinced myself I was going to use someday (@ashes-and-silverware for original and @intellect-and-romance for fanfic) but never have because I keep being annoying on main, I guess? I don’t write fanfic anymore so the second one is probably a dead fish, but I always tell myself maybe someday I’ll get the original one going.

Do I get asks: Mostly from Cait, but I will always welcome more. Back in the old days I actually used to get an impressive amount of asks about Doctor Who and One Tree Hill.

Why I chose my url: Mark is my original character created in conjunction with Cait, and for a while we had our URLs paired as the couple. I kept mine because I like it sort of being a reference for just us, LOL. I used to be tutorgirlx3 and haley--james after Haley of One Tree Hill, but over time I felt as I drifted away from the show/fandom it wasn’t a great fit.

Following: 721. I try to cull occasionally, but haven’t in a while.

Followers: 1,927, and to be quite honest I do not deserve that many and I’m almost certain the vast majority of those are dead blogs. Those old days of Doctor Who and One Tree Hill built up my follower base in a way I never really deserved (I never posted all that much original content). A lot of people from those days aren’t around anymore, so that’s why I think a lot of the blogs are dead, but I appreciate the number regardless; thank you all.

Average hours of sleep: Probably around seven or eight. I really try to get that much when I can, partly because being a 4 AM shift worker means my sleep is weirder than everyone else’s and I feel like I need more of it.

Lucky number: 3

Instruments: I tried learning guitar for a while but to be honest I never had the discipline to practice it.

What am I wearing: Old Navy pajama shorts with cats playing with Christmas lights, and I’m trying to decide if I’m going to change my top. I have either a black Doom Patrol t-shirt or a purple tank top that says Reality Is For People Who Can’t Handle Victorian Feminist Literature that I wear around the house a lot.

Dream job: It used to be editor, but I no longer want to use my degree in that way because I’ve heard too many horror stories from people about working in publishing killing their desire to read for pleasure. At this point, with as many years in retail behind me as I have, literally anything with a desk would be fine with me.

Dream trip: England. I want to see all the literary houses and bookstores I didn’t get to see the first time around.

Favorite food: Sweet, brownies. Other than that, dill pickles, probably chicken tenders, and honestly I love steak and cheese chimichangas.

Nationality: American

Favorite song (at the moment): Some of the last few I’ve liked enough to buy have been “Someone You Loved” and “Before You Go” by Lewis Capaldi and “Diamonds” by Sam Smith. Eternally, it’s “The Chain” by Ingrid Michaelson.

Last book read: I reread Fun Home by Alison Bechdel, which is one of my favorites. My concentration has been really fucking suffering this year so me finishing anything is monumental, but currently I’m trying to get through (prepare yourselves): Who is Vera Kelly? by Rosalie Knecht, The Color Purple by Alice Walker, Her Body and Other Parties by Carmen Maria Machado, How to Write an Autobiographical Novel by Alexander Chee, and Mrs. Dalloway by Virginia Woolf. (Yes, I’m a disaster pan and every book on that list is queer.)

Top three fictional universes I’d like to live in: .Um, Star Trek if I could just be in the fun part and not the dangerous part. Something lowkey and queer and with a bookstore like Alison Bechdel’s Dykes to Watch Out For. Night Vale if I didn’t have to be an intern at the radio station.

#about me #thanks alyssa!

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