#Even tho it's been the best | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

narkotki · 6 months

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How do you deal with being positive?

Like for real, everything is going well and still I feel so shallow and pointless without engaging into most depressing thoughts about our reality

#Adult child #Adulthood #I can't accept me accepting this world #I feel empty when I'm happy #Like I can't feel anything #As much as I felt it before #I feel like the older I get the less I feel #And it fucking sucks #Even tho it's been the best #I only feel less #And if this is happiness then

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whosherefor-thechaos · 11 days

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incredible translation of sheeesh thank you google

#german stuff #like listen idk how i would translate sheesh but my first thought would not have been meine güte #or even my second or third thought #actually sheesh is probably best left untranslated #also don't ask me why youtube is offering to translate to german in the first place even tho i've set the app to english #rhys's pieces

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sharp-fanged13 · 15 days

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What a wonderful occassion to remember this happened and is canon af:

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kazbiter · 1 year

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very interested in how the storyline of ronan's sexuality is developed in the dream thieves as a battle between kavinsky and gansey while adam is almost never present in these scenes, which makes it even more interesting that we found out in CDTH that ronan was set on adam the moment he saw him. i think that ronan is attracted on some level to both gansey and kavinsky (you can draw the lines of how much romantic intention you think he hold towards either of the yourself, that's a rabbit hole I would need a whole other post to go down) but more so I think he was attracted to the IDEA of both of them and certain qualities that each possessed, and that the real question wasn't does ronan want gansey or kavinsky because we know he wants adam but rather who's qualities resonate more with who ronan is, or who he is choosing to be at this critical moment in his character development. kavinsky is a dangerous thrill and often comes wrapped in ronan's other favorite self destructive attempts to outrun himself, while gansey is ronan's history and proof of his deep capacities for loyalty and love. he tells kavinsky it was never going to be me and you and that it's not going to be ronan and gansey because that was never the question- maggie was obviously always planning on bluesy and pynch. the answer to who ronan WANTS in adam. the question of who ronan IS- that's what he's trying to decide here. his self hatred is such a heavy weight on him and theme in tdt, and the kavinsky/gansey dichotomy represents the the path he will choose to take to deal with it- keep try to drive faster than his demons or accept that he can still be loved even if he isn't the person he once was. the dream thieves my beloved ronan lynch my beloved

#obviously I'm not the authority on this lmao these r just my thoughts but I would love to hear ur thoughts as well!!!#this has been in my drafts for a while while I kept updating and tweaking it but I think this is the best way to say what I'm trying to say #also lot of kavinsky posts here at kazbiter recently not very sure what's up w that #anyways yeah I really do think this is why she did it this way like I don't think kavinsky ever even says adams name?? i could b wrong tho #and I always found that interesting and while I appreciated he was the leader of ronsey nation I was like how does he not know abt adam #and this is my conclusion I think it was an active writing choice of Maggie's bc the dichotomy of gansey/kavinsky just really works for #ronans personal overarching plot of the book that is undoubtedly his in trc

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strongermonster · 3 months

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no real cheese will ever live up to the phantom taste i imagined the cartoon cheese from tom and jerry cartoons i watched as a kid tasted like.

this is the pinnacle of the cheese-based foodgroups. i think it was less the visual appeal (almost none, it looks like a dried sponge half the time) and more the fervent desperation with which the mouse pursued it. the permeating lust for this cheese.

the fanatical daydreaming was so evocative that my brain and tongue made up a flavour that will never exist and i am doomed to spend my life unfulfilled

#sorry there's been old cartoons on in the bg all week at work and also i haven't been grocery shopping in a bit #i guess the closest is those ritz crackers w the fakeass cheese inside? i need a recipe for those bc they're way overpriced #anyways tomorrow i gotta go spend $30 on imported feta cheese even tho it's expensive but it's the one i like best :/#sorry canadian farmers. the greeks just know feta better #jj stuff

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b4kuch1n · 4 months

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glorioso from last years twitterin

#pokemon #swsh #champion gloria #professor hop #drift compatible #<- their common tag wahoo #sometimes (all the time) I think abt how much I love gloria and wanna finally write that 4-part thing for her #hop shoooouuuldve been a moderating presence or whatever but the thing is. he just thinks she's genuinely cool #so every time anyone questions anything she does to him he's like why? it rocks #gloria's the same with hop tho like if hop tells her anything she just takes it as fact. its dangerous but so far its worked out #so ultimately they actually make each other Worse(tm) and thats awesome to me. I love them #I love them so fucking much everyones like dang that champion's taciturn how come she's best friend and rival with that #super nice professor. even tho it takes being next to them literally three seconds to realize they just think the other is the coolest #man. these were drawn like right before I caught the A virus last year iirc. inked that first thing while having a fever #how was november and december last year Like That... what made it be like that. what da hells....#oh well theres this. I gotta go back to business now #have a good night lads. we begin at the beginning and where we begin is the beginning etc

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signedjehanne · 8 months

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people on tumblr will literally post things like “you have to eat vegetables and expand your palate i dont care if you are a picky eater because of autism (if i can overcome it you can too)” and everybody will reblog it being like “yes this is true for everybody no matter what” and think its okay. like sorry but that wont work for everyone and there is no one size fits all and some people will never be able to eat these things no matter how hard they try. im only allowed by my doctors to eat recreationally and not for nutrition, because my ARFID is so severe that i get my nutrition solely from a specially made formula drink. your suggestions of “try vegetables roasted!” or “try them in soup!” and assurances of “i did it, you can too!” don’t work for those of us with more severe mental illnesses and disabilities. stop tying a person’s worth to their diet and stop assuming everybody has the ability to do what you can.

#seb speaks #autism #arfid #disability #i am TIRED.#for me #it’s not just sensory issues it’s a subconscious response #that reads unfamiliar foods as poisonous #this has been confirmed by all the doctors and scientists ive spoken to #actuallyautistic #i cannot have it blended to where i cant taste or feel it because even the thought #of those foods elicits panic attacks #because again. my brain reads them as poisonous. whether i want it to or not #you may say ‘this is sooo unhealthy tho’#and yes! it is! because i’m mentally ill and disabled and i will never be healthy in this department #for as long as i live #i have done 3 rounds of feeding therapy and 1 support group #and countless visits to doctors and specialists and scientists #and they have all confirmed i will not get better #so the best i can do is to drink the formula and eat my safe foods. it’s the only way i’m physically able to live #and it’s why im not dying in a hospital bed from malnutrition anymore

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rockieriel · 10 months

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can we talk abt this for a sec (s6e17)

#if not boy best friends turned boy kiss friends aka husbands then why emergy contact person #tagging as #hilson #bc im insane<3 #sorry for the bar on the second pic it wouldn't go away</3 i hate technology #if you see me post it before no you didn't im still figuring out how tumblr posting works even tho I've been using this site since forever #house md #lucien talks

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sysig · 4 months

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Two big softies(?) (Patreon)

#Doodles #Handplates #UT #Fellplates #Gaster #Flowey #Flowey is still my favourite UT character so honestly a lot of this was just self-indulgent doodles lol #But then - as always - it did turn into Thinking A Lot about [thing] lol #Starting with the classic tho! Flowey friendly-like coiled around whoever he's talking to ♪ It's too fun hehe #I love Flowey getting just a liiiiittle too close and personal to a discomfort degree ♫ He's just being friendly! It's a hug! A snuggle!#He's your best friend so you don't mind right? :) Why would Fellplates!Gaster mind ♪#He's always posed to stage right when I draw him haha - I'm still fond of the one Gravity Falls/Undertale crossover piece I made with him #Anyhow lol - yet more fluffy wings! It's just fun if they're expressive I want real feathers lol #Gaster's face completely neutral but his wings all puffed up and freaked out hehe #Flowey would definitely be able to tell if those are when he chose to wrap around!#If they were just the decorative version he'd fall right off from his own weight pulling them loose lol #Absolutely thinking of the one of Gaster screaming while being vine-wrapped by Flowey haha - he's totally innocent here! ♥#And then a little idea of how each of them react to humans - UkaGaster talks a lot about his general positive feelings for humans #And Fell!Flowey is.....well I have my own thoughts about how he might react to humans now that he's been...himself for a while #There have been Fallen Humans in the time between being locked in the Underground and [now] even in Underfell hasn't there?#I guess none of them would've made it as far as meeting up with Gaster - bit of a dark thought heh - but Flowey would know #Is it selfish? To wish for humans or to keep them a secret from the rest of the Underground? What might happen?#It's interesting to think about! If there were humans then surely Gaster must be aware of the Souls?#But even if not - even if this could be before all that - Flowey would still know about human Determination to an extent - being what he is #It wouldn't turn out well for anyone :) That's what makes it interesting ♪

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kim-woonhak · 3 months

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he's pookie ur honor

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bonefall · 24 days

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So, your Clear Sky post is absolutely horrifying, but it was very needed, so thank you. What are your general thoughts on tackling his abuse for the AU? Like you've said, pretending he's a good guy is not the way to go, but are you planning on toning down *some* of the situations, just to give some of the cats a break? Clear Sky is a very realistic depiction of abusers, but that seems to come across even without victim number 25, yknow? I'm very curious about how you'd like to go about this.

My most recent big change was bringing Slash back into the fold, because I realized that it was actually a disservice to not address where DOTC's themes dip into Colonialism. It's a hard topic, and I'm still trying to work out the details, but I realized it was important.

With how BB!DOTC is such a MASSIVE overhaul, to properly address abuse and the ways it impacts you, ableism and its violence, and xenophobia broadly, a huge reworking of Slash belonged here too. He's one of the greatest examples of how badly WC demonizes non-Clanborn cats. I shouldn't dance around it.

That's what I need to do with Skystar.

MANY of his victims have happier endings than canon, though. Bumble is one of the most famous, bumped up into a major character and directly responsible for the formation of ThunderClan. Bright Storm is taking most of Gray Wing's roles. Birch and Alder are getting examined, with either a father who wants his kids back or Milkweed as the mate of Misty.

A lot of people will die because of him, even more will be hurt, but I see BB!DOTC as a story about victims and survivors.

Others might grab POVs here and there, but as a response to canon which I feel is Clear Sky's story told in many parts, I center this rewrite around Thunder Storm. The path of kindness he marches down, with love and with anger, and the people he helps.

So BB!Star Flower...

Previously I was playing her as ENTIRELY just manipulating Clear Sky. She was loyal to One Eye and trying to get at Skystar to bleed him dry for 8 lives to sacrifice; but connected to Thunderstar over recognizing him as a victim who deserves her idea of justice. So, she offers Thunderstar the final kill, so her father will be grateful to him and he'll get power AND the death of his abuser.

(When Thunderstar looks upon Skystar, pathetic and neutralized down to one life, he thinks about the collateral damage that will descend upon the forest if he accepts the deal. He decides that he has found the line between Justice and Justification. Of course he wants the power to make his enemies cower, protect his people, and eliminate Clear Sky so he never threatens them again; that's not the problem.

He can still do these things. He wouldn't NEED the power of a war god to do so.

But if One Eye returns, he will be endlessly hungry, ruthlessly dedicated to revenge, and set out to devour the whole forest. Everything would get worse, and even more people he loves would die. It's where his desire to destroy a monster would lead to him BECOMING one.)

Even on its face, it was previously missing an element. There's a step between "Starf decides to bring One Eye back" and "Starf offers Thunderstar the final kill" that was bare. This is the piece that was missing-- That she, herself, is trying to reach out to the only person who's ever really understood her.

But more importantly... I do feel this topic belongs here, in BB!DOTC. Abuse is a MAJOR theme. SKYSTAR is a monster already. He's harmed two wives in BB (Bright Storm and Falling Cry) and played toxic games with all three kits (Thunder Storm, Pale Sky, Tiger Sky).

And I'd avoid Star Flower being abused... why? Because it's uncomfortable to confront the pattern that Clear Sky displays? That in-canon, he tries to cut all his victims into the same ideal shape, from Storm to Thunder to Star Flower? ...it should be uncomfortable. Everything that I described in Clear Sky Is A Monster is rooted in the same desire for control, power, and punishment most abusive people share, he just happens to be a severe example.

Yes. That includes how he treats his child and romantic partners. The parallels that are drawn between Starf and Thunder are there because he wants power in the form of obedience. Starf replaces the son as a narrative award for his "growth" of not killing random people anymore for a while.

A cookie cutter is an effective tool because IT ONLY MAKES ONE SHAPE.

You know what's more uncomfortable? Reading canon!DOTC and seeing someone who hurt you reflected almost perfectly in the character the writers think did nothing wrong. Because of "good intentions" that were not there.

I will say though, just to be clear; I don't see a purpose in being more than PG-13 about serious topics for this project. I promise none of my intentions have changed. Nothing will be more graphic or gorey than canon WC-- just more intentional.

I'm keeping the sacrifice because it's dope. No one is taking this from me. Girl Moment: Killed her awful husband 8 times to count as 8 sacrifices and offered the last life to her buddy as a show of good will. How else do you make friends outside of high school

But I know now that Star Flower NEEDS to keep the canon fact she has very little agency, UNTIL that moment she snaps.

She's sacrificing one abuser to try and bring back a bigger, badder one, because in spite of everything, her father One Eye always made her feel safe. Even though he promised her off to Skystar, and expected her to be willing to die for him. She's followed every command, every order, past the death of his mortal vessel.

The first, and only, selfish choice she's ever made was in reaching out to Thunderstar to offer him the power of her father.

Thunderstar's Justice is a story about a Thunder Storm at the pinnacle of his arc, how the survivors of his Clan are settling into the new normal after the carnage of The First Battle, how Skystar's arrogance brings a violent god to the Forest... and the connection Thunderstar makes with the daughter of a monster.

#Kronk meme: ''Oh Yeah. It's all coming together''#I'll be making the fragments in another post #Just because this one's getting really long #It works well as an explanation of my intentions #I think I had been making a mistake previously to conceive of BB!Starf as a femme fatale who seduced Sky #Again: I'm not perfect! As I analyze and re-read with a more critical eye. My art changes.#Tho I will admit I do like the idea of a Starf who is totally cognizant of how she can manipulate a villain #Into doing what she wants. I do love myself a powerful and scheming woman #It's that it didn't fit my story or my themes OR even the purpose of BB as a fixit that addresses canon #Better bones au #BB!DOTC #BB!Star Flower #BB!Skystar #BB!Thunder Storm #Also imo this philosophy will let me make BB!One Eye what I think he deserves and works best as #THE WORSE OF TWO EVILS #The Tyrant of Tyrants #And man.... the idea that Skystar becomes the Clan patron of war...#The God of Summer laughs at him.#''Outdone and reeling your wounded pride speaks the words your tender mouth can never say''#''That you were outclassed and now you obsess over the bigger monster you aren't good enough to become''#''You fell into the step of a lion and think you can replicate what my paw does without effort.''#Cw abuse #Tw abuse #Abuse #Child abuse

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why-the-heck-not · 1 month

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started a sourdough starter!!! It’s not even that much abt bread; I just like the idea of having a pet and this is about the max amount of responsibility I’m looking for rn

#an emotional support living flour sludge if u will #altho the conditions aren’t ideal rn: it’s negative degrees so I don’t have a warm enough of a place probably so if (big if) it starts to #ferment it’ll take longer (which means u gotta be extra much on the lookout for mold)#could put it in the oven with just the light on but that freaks me out; I don’t wanna have the oven on for like days (even tho it wouldn’t #actually be on)#also I only have all-purpose flour & whole meal is the best one to induce fermentation #also the flour is past it’s best before date bc I haven’t rly been baking (also one of thr reasons I’m doing this bc like gotta use #up the flour somehow)#so u know we’ll see if anything comes out of this #if nothing else at least I’ll have a project for a couple days #also I’m not naming it yet; that’s for when it’s going strong bc I don’t need to be crying after getting emotionally attached to a #blob of flour & water when said blob dies tragically #march 2024 #2024

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nuppu-nuppu · 4 months

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This feels weird to say but I feel like I'm possessed by a happy person 0_0 like because of the ect treatment, I actually feel so much better but it feels so unreal because I haven't felt okay in so long (like years) but now I suddenly am a person again?????

This is a message for all of you who feel like there's no hope, I swear it will get better someday