#I Know Some Things {~Rahim Replies~} | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

thecrystalquill · 3 months

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A/N: Welcome to Chapter Thirteen! Thank you for waiting; I wanted to do it before Christmas, but you know how busy December is. Also find me on AO3: The_Crystal_Quill !

Also I'm so glad to finally give Rahim some appreciation <3

Please don't forget to leave a like!!!

Masterlist Series Masterlist Introduction Your First Year Letter

Chapter Thirteen ~ One Step Closer

Dear (Y/N),

It’s about time that you wrote me a letter that I didn’t have to share, and I don’t appreciate you keeping secrets from me, but I do enjoy having secrets to keep. I won’t tell anyone; I highly doubt they would be of any help anyway.

First of all, stop looking in the damned library, the answers to your Message aren’t in a book. I suggest you figure out where to go. This Spirit, whoever they are, obviously has something for you to find. They must have been to Hogwarts, or there would have been no point in Contacting you now. It must be there.

I would like to be involved in this, obviously you’re getting nowhere on your own, the only obstacle in my way is the fact that Hogwarts is so far. you should stay at Hogwarts to do some investigating. I will help.

I’ll start to set the seed in Mother and Father’s heads about what it would be like to see your school, I know there is a village near Hogwarts, find out the name for me. Then you can write home and tell them that you want to spend the holidays at Hogwarts – I’ll convince them to travel to see you there, it should be easy to get them to believe it was their idea.

In the mean time, you just look for some clues. I’m sure you can find something to do until I get there.

~ Wednesday

Emotionless, mildly condescending, and straight to the point, just like her sister. It was clear to (Y/N) that Wednesday was rather excited about this enigma; it had only taken a couple of days for her to reply, and she’d obviously put a plan together rather quickly in her eager state.

She really must be bored without (Y/N) there. It was a nice thought, in a way.

(Y/N) didn’t really want to spend the winter holidays at Hogwarts; she’d actually been rather looking forward to sleeping in her own bed and decorating the family tree, standing for another annual portrait and bickering while Lurch painted their every expression, and not to mention the flaming Christmas Pudding that only Grandmama knew how to make. But it seemed that some things were more important – (Y/N) was starting to despise this Spirit for interrupting her life; she was supposed to have a very normal year of magic and studying.

There were no practical lessons so close to the holidays, and most of her classes consisted of reviewing the work they had completed during their first term before it came to an end. For the last thirty-six minutes, she had been writing an essay about Rowena Ravenclaw and her life before and after the creation of Hogwarts, while Professor Binns lectured about how next term they would be looking into the other schools of magic around the world. It was a shame, (Y/N) thought, that Binns had a talent for making a subject so interesting sound so incredibly boring. It seemed the most exciting thing to ever happen to him was his death, and even then his retelling of the event was as dull and lifeless as the corpse which he left behind.

“…Now, Beaubatons, the French academy, that is – you may read it and think it is pronounced ‘beau’ as in ‘beautiful’, but is actually pronounced ‘boar’ like the wild pig, now that I think on it, it’s much like Hogwarts being named from the mole of a hog – anyhow, Beaubatons is in the Pyrenees, and takes students predominantly from, France and Spain, so I suppose they must also have language classes there too. Actually, quite a lot of them seem to speak a few languages, very talented students, they are, so I suppose they must offer language classes. So anyway, as I was saying, Beaubatons school is cloaked under a spell, much like the one that hides the Hogwarts grounds from muggles, but where here they simply get dazed and confused and return themselves away from the area, them being in the Pyrenees means a lot of muggles tend to get themselves lost off the edge of rocks and cliffs and the like, and as unfortunate as that is, it means that the whole area is highly advised against, as far as the muggles are concerned, so in the end it turns out to be not so bad. Sure, there’s a few injuries and the odd death every now and then, but it does a fine job at keeping the muggles away. So, as I was saying…” Sweet Hades take my soul to the depths of Styx already, (Y/N) thought. If he carried on any longer she may just pull her ears off, and her peers seemed to suffer similarly. Listening to Binns’ unique way of speaking was somehow the verbal equivalent of watching paint dry; his tone was slow and monotonous as if he were bored of it himself, and he drawled through each sentence like a snail, droning on and on, digression after digression, to the point where it’s hard to even hear what exactly he’s talking about over the constant sound. And don’t even get started on what it was like to get trapped in a conversation with him – there was no escaping the relentless torture of word after word for what felt like hours, and there was no helping his victims chained in place by the requirement to be polite to your elders.

Sharing her desk was Saoirse, of course, but (Y/N) had noticed she’d fallen asleep some time ago – Binns had quite the power for doing that. Now would be the perfect time for some earphones, yet another con to muggle technology not working at Hogwarts; she’d once wanted to ask why that was, but she dreaded how long the answer would take.

‘Rowena Ravenclaw then decided that her house would be one for students who valued wisdom and knowledge above all else, and created an environment which would nurture their minds and mould her students into some of the brightest witches and wizards at Hogwarts.’ (Y/N) wrote, hoping to finish her essay before the class ended so she wouldn’t have it for homework. Only ten minutes left until the bell would sound and release them from their torture.

When there was only four minutes left, (Y/N) nudged Saoirse with her elbow, waking her almost immediately; they had learned that it was best to leave as soon as the bell rang, rather than risk being caught up in a conversation with the professor, it was a mad-dash to leave.

As she rolled up her essay and put her quill away, (Y/N) thought about what she was going to write in her letter home. Wednesday must have already set the seed of seeing Hogwarts, as she’d put it, so now she needed to request that she stay. Only, she was finding it a little tricky to think up a reason for the strange request; in almost every letter (Y/N) had mentioned how she couldn’t wait to return home, what could possibly make her want to stay?

She needed a lie, and a good one at that.

When the bell finally dismissed them, the girls grabbed their bags and cloaks and exited the classroom. As December had rolled around, the snow was starting to fall each night, leaving a light layer on the grounds, and the hallways were becoming even more chilled than before. It was the perfect amount of cold for (Y/N); her breath fogged slightly in front of her, and she could wear comfortable layers, and feel like she was taking a lovely trip through the morgue.

The hallways gradually warmed up as they got closer to the Great Hall, their ever-burning fires seemed to heat the whole room, and the toasty warmth was trapped between the walls. Magic, probably, stopped the heat from escaping through the brickwork.

At the Slytherin table, (Y/N) sat and thought of what to write in her letter while Saoirse started a conversation about her latest obsession: vampires. “Wait, you really didn’t know they were real?” (Y/N) asked as she fiddled with the golden goblet in front of her. She sometimes forgot that Saoirse was raised by very ordinary muggles.

“I thought they were just a myth, like an old folk-tale, y’know?” Answered Saoirse with a wave of her arm, she gestured often when she spoke, (Y/N) noticed. “Like Dracula.”

“Dracula was real too.” She replied, amused at the way Saoirse dropped her hands on the table and gawked.

“What?” She said, moving her hair out of her face to pay proper attention to her friend. “Explain, now.”

Rolling her eyes, (Y/N) succumbed to the distraction. “Count Dracula was from Romania, he came to Whitby by ferry, and he lived and died there. The story got a bit exaggerated through time, but he was very real. In fact, you can learn all about him in my town.” She was ready to leave it there as she saw her other roommates enter the room and look for them, but she thought one last piece of information would be worth sharing. “Local legend says he’s buried in an unmarked grave somewhere in the town, but he’s actually buried in the Addams Cemetery next to my Great-Great-Uncle Wolfgang Addams.”

“WHAT?”

Dear Mother and Father,

I have so been looking forward to returning home for the holidays, as you know. But there has been an unfortunate incident involving a friend of mine and a carnivorous plant in one of the herbology greenhouses. She is having to spend the holidays in the hospital wing and can’t go home. I know you have been excited for me to be back home, but I may have already agreed to stay here so my friend wouldn’t be alone. Is that alright? I feel terrible about it all, but I’ve heard Christmas at Hogwarts is something to be awed. Perhaps you could send my gifts here? Or we can save them for the next holidays? It’s such a shame you can’t come here.

I have been practising my sword skills in the Forbidden Forest, luckily the cold weather means that few people are outside to see me. Sadly, I haven’t seen any terrible creatures in the forest, no ghouls or monsters, but there’s still time.

My lessons have been going well; my potions are near perfect, herbology has been coming naturally to me, and I only fell off of my broom once. Though, Transformation is proving to be more difficult than I anticipated.

The Hogwarts Express leaves from Hogsmeade Station early on Saturday morning next week, and I’ve agreed to accompany Saoirse as she boards. I look forward to hearing back from you.

~ (Y/N)

It wasn’t a perfect lie, but it would do. (Y/N) was attaching the letter to Mortis’ long leg as he finished up the steak and kidney pie she brought him, hoping he wouldn’t get too cold during his long flight. She’d already sent a note to Wednesday, informing her of the name of the nearest town and any updates on her mystery. With luck, she could easily convince them to stay in Hogsmeade – it would be a shame to not see them all for the winter – perhaps (Y/N) could sneak Wednesday into school.

“Go on then, Mortis.” She said to the great bird, giving his strong back a pat. “Fly back home as quickly as you can, I’ll see you soon.” (Y/N) took a step back, and watched as the vulture gave her a farewell nod and spread out his massive wings, diving from the tall tower and catching the wind to take him south. She watched until the giant creature turned into a brown-ish blur and disappeared into the white horizon, hoping it didn’t snow on his journey.

The trail back to the castle was long and peaceful; dark fir and pine tree tops were dusted in white and the snow on the ground had set a foot deep already, crunching beneath her shiny black boots with each step. For a while, that was the only sound she heard, until she neared the castle grounds and saw that there were students dotted around – some were settled around the courtyard some were walking through the fields to the iced-over lake, and two identical red-heads were throwing snowballs either at their friends or at unfortunate bystanders.

(Y/N) tugged on her leather gloves and tightened the emerald scarf around her neck, feeling a chill breeze redirect her way. She was pondering returning to the library to once more search for a useful book in the Divination section; she had all but given up on that idea, there was no way she could search through so many on her own, but she’d hate to admit that Wednesday was right.

She was just ascending the salted stone steps that lead into the castle, when she felt a soft pat on her head, and cold water melting into her hair and run down her neck. (Y/N) froze, and the whole courtyard seemed to freeze with her. A curse was muttered from behind her, and she turned to face the culprit. Maybe a dozen people were in the open area, all staring wide-eyed between the black-clad Addams heir and the group of damp third-year boys at the centre of it all. Three of the boys took a step back, pointing at their red-head friends accusingly, who watched warily for her reaction. (Y/N) said nothing, waiting for them to go first.

They straightened themselves out, faces pale from the cold and shock, noses red, gloves wet, both covered in snow. They looked to each other briefly, seemingly deciding what to do. “It was him!” The one of the left exclaimed, pointing to his brother.

The second twin gasped and put his hands up in surrender, shooting his brother a horrified expression of betrayal. “It was an accident, I swear!” He defended, giving her what he hoped was a sincerely apologetic look, crossing his heart with his forefinger. “I was aiming for Lee!”

A boy on the right threw his hands up, mirroring the look of innocence his accuser displayed. “Don’t drag me into this, you’re just a crappy shot.”

“Oi!”

“Well you’re the one who hit her!”

It was clear a petty argument was about to break out, so (Y/N) turned to face them fully from the third step and crossed her arms, successfully regaining their focus. They expected her to yell, to scream, to throw insults and curses. But she didn’t – she already had their attention; she didn’t have to cause a scene to get what she wanted.

All eyes were on them as the boys looked between themselves and her nervously; the longer she stood silent, the more anxious they became, wondering what she might do. Nothing in her face or body language gave away any indication of what she was thinking. Lee elbowed the twin nearest to him, seeming to snap him into some sort of action. “I-I’m sorry, I didn’t do it on purpose, I promise.” The guilty red-head said, pulling his knitted hat over his ears as he gave her another genuine expression.

There was a pause of complete silence, all lesser-noises absorbed by the blanketed snow, as everyone watched. Then, with only a single, small nod, (Y/N) turned and continued on her way, leaving them to their business.

Sometimes (Y/N) forgot about the reputation she’d somehow accumulated since her arrival, after all, she did very little to build it. Somehow, in simply being herself, people had made her (and her family) to be some sort of fantastical being of dark and mysterious origin. Saoirse often made her feel so normal, that she often forgot that, in the eyes of everyone else, she wasn’t. So it wasn’t too drastic of her to assume something as simple as a rogue snowball may have been thrown on purpose, she thought. But an apology was all she needed, and the boy was polite enough to give a sincere one. So perhaps not everyone outside of her inner circle was all that bad, even if they thought some truth was behind the rumours about her.

It was half-past eleven on a Saturday morning, exactly one week before the Winter holidays, which meant that the library would be full of people finishing up assignments and catching up on reading. As she entered the quiet hall, she was unsurprised to see most people wearing Ravenclaw jumpers. Making her way towards the back, (Y/N) passed a table piled high with books; curiously, she peered around a stack to see Hermione in a discussion with her two Gryffindor friends. “This is taking forever, I don’t know where else to look.”

“I know I’ve read his name somewhere.” Harry said, flicking through a copy of Great Wizards Of The Twentieth Century, before Ron nudged him in the arm and nodded to their observer. “Oh, um… hi…” He said, drawing back slightly, as if unsure of what to say. It was then that (Y/N) noticed how Harry didn’t seem to ever say her name – perhaps, (Y/N) considered, he simply hadn’t decided on if he should call her by her first name or her last.

“That’s quite a lot of books,” (Y/N) commented, busying herself with undoing her coat.

“Yeah well, we’ve been doing quite a lot of reading.” Said Ron with a slight edge of defence. (Y/N) couldn’t understand why, it seemed to her a silly thing to defend.

Normally, (Y/N) would have resigned the attempt at conversation. But given that these were Hermione’s friends, she figured it wouldn’t hurt to show a little effort – she thought it was very grown-up of her. “Anything interesting?”

The answers from each of them varied, but Hermione simply huffed at them and turned to her. “(Y/N), do you know anything about Nicolas Flamel?” She asked, ignoring Ron’s noise of protest.

(Y/N) hummed as she removed her scarf and hung it on her arm. “Can’t say I’ve heard of him. Why?”

“No reason.” Said Ron, closing his book and moving it aside, interrupting Hermione before she shared too much.

Hermione only sent him a glare and ignored his frown of disapproval. “We’ve looked everywhere but we just can’t seem to find anything on him. The only place we haven’t checked is the Restricted Section.”

“The Restricted Section?” (Y/N) repeated, wondering why a library would hide books rather than share them. “What’s in there?”

“Mostly books on restricted topics, advanced dark magic and the likes.” The intelligent girl explained, turning to look to the back of the library. “Unfortunately, you can’t go in without a consent form, and that’s never going to happen.”

“Well, can’t you just ask the librarian? Surely she’ll know something about this Flamel.” (Y/N) offered, though she was clearly intrigued.

Harry shook his head. “No way, she’ll tell on us for sure.” He said, but the moment he did his eyes widened and Ron made another frustrated groan.

(Y/N) raised a brow and felt her curiosity grow. “So it’s a secret, this Flamel stuff?” She guessed, and it seemed she hit the nail right on the head.

“Look, you can’t tell anyone.” Ron stressed, moving the stack of books from between them so she could see all of him properly. “It’s very important that no one finds out about any of it.”

(Y/N) nodded, she wasn’t one for spreading secrets. “Of course.” Seeing then that she had nothing more to offer, and not long before lunch, (Y/N) stepped away from the table to take her leave. “I’ll let you to it then, I’ll see you here in the week, Hermione.” She said, then gave a nod to the group and made her way to the Divination section.

She thought that went relatively well; at least this time they actually talked with her.

With her coat and scarf placed safely on a desk chair, (Y/N) chose a shelf to scour, and began her ascent up the ladders to have a look at the M’s. Perhaps today was a good day to go through Meteoromancy: Secrets in Storms. She did love the sweet lull of thunder.

The Great Hall was decorated beyond (Y/N)’s expectations; snow dusted trees standing twenty feet tall at the front of the room, snowflakes falling from the ceiling only to fade away halfway down, colourful ribbons and garlands hung on the walls, and everything smelt of cinnamon and pine.

It was all very light and bright and colourful… it only made her miss the smooth blacks and blood reds of their tree at home.

At the Slytherin table, (Y/N) sat picking at a bowl of fruit as everyone discussed the holidays; Saoirse was looking forward to returning to her home most of all, telling Millicent all about her dog and how much she’d missed him. (Y/N) wished she was going back to Whitby – the beachside town was so charming in the winter; there were rarely any tourists, the wind was icy cold from the sea breeze, and the famed abbey looked so beautifully haunted covered in snow and salt-ice. The Addams Manor would be decorated with silky blacks, silvers, reds, white, and plum; the tree decorated with skulls and spiderwebs, piles of gifts wrapped in black paper; and the games they would play would bring a smile even to Wednesday’s face (especially when they played autopsy).

There were exclamations of excitement and dozens of owls came flying down from the highest windows carrying letters and packages to their owners, dropping them in their laps. Saoirse, Millicent, and Bridgit tore open their letters eagerly, as (Y/N) waited for Mortis to deliver a letter from her parents.

“I’ll just be a minute,” said Bridgit after a gulp of pumpkin juice, standing with a letter in hand, “this one’s addressed to me and my brother, I need to catch him before he goes to class.” She explained with a huff, turning to find him at the Gryffindor table.

Saoirse leaned across the table to stab her fork into an untouched sausage on Bridgit’s plate, then put her own letter safely in her bag. “What about yours?” She asked Millicent. “That from your parents?”

Millicent nodded, fiddling with the page in her hand. “Yeah, just how they’re looking forward to me going back and all that. Not very long, though.”

A moment later there was a scuffle of wings from the high window as a few owls rushed out of the way, making room for Mortis to fold his enormous wings to fit through, then reopen them again to glide down. He had the usual black envelope in his talons, dropping it for his young mistress to open, and bending his head low for a pat. “Good morning, Mortis.” She greeted him as she dragged an unused knife under the fold of the envelope to reveal the off-white paper inside. “Go get something to eat.” She said, watching him waddle over to a plate of bacon; his walk might have been cute, if it weren’t for the sharp talons that tapped the table with each heavy footfall that showed his weight. With all of the long-distance flights and buffet of foods, he really was getting bigger by the month.

(Y/N) unfolded the pages to read her mother’s swirling black handwriting.

Dear (Y/N),

We understand your desire to stay at Hogwarts with your friend. If you had something to do with the injury, it shows good character that you would agree to make up for it, & for that we are very proud of you. Pugsley would very much like to know more about the injury and how it came about, & if there were any limbs lost or infected wounds. Well, you will be able to tell him yourself. After we received your letter, Wednesday subtly pointed out how Hogsmeade is a popular visit this time of year, & how it isn’t too far from your school – she will deny it to her dying breath, but I believe she misses you more than she’ll admit. But nonetheless, we agree. We have made reservations at the Hog’s Head, & will be arriving on Sunday 22nd and staying until January 5th. As for you, you may stay with us or at Hogwarts with your friend, we can make arrangements for whatever you decide. I’ve included a note for the deputy headmistress in the envelope, if you would please give it to her.

We are all so looking forward to seeing you, Darling. It has been far too long already.

Missing you,

Mother

(Y/N) let out a small sigh; Wednesday might not have been as subtle as she’d said, but her intentions worked out anyway – and her family believed the lie she’d crafted, so all was well.

She folded the letter back into the envelope and took out the page written for McGonnagal, curious to be sure that she hadn’t written anything about the lie, but was relieved to read only about last-minute plans to Hogsmeade. (Y/N) would be glad to deliver it at the end of her Transfiguration class.

A tap on the arm brought (Y/N) back up from the page, seeing Saoirse collect her bag and grab a biscuit. “C’mon, we’ve got Potions.” She said, and (Y/N) noticed she had Millicent’s letter in hand.

“Why do you have that?” She asked as they made their way out of the Hall.

“She left it on the table, I’ll give it to her in class.”

The Dungeons were icy at this time of year, which was no surprise really – actually, what was a surprise was that they let students live down there in the damp and the cold. Their breaths fogged up in the air as they descended the steps and turned down the classroom’s corridor, seeing most students already at their desks, still wearing their robes and gloves. Saoirse gave a quick indication towards Millicent, nodding to (Y/N) as she returned the letter.

Snape entered the classroom with a swish of a cloak, glaring at those left standing around. “Be seated.” He demanded with upturned lips, watching as everyone shuffled to the nearest table. Truly, that man shouldn’t be working with children.

(Y/N) saw a spare seat in the centre-left of the room, where Rahim was sitting alone, and decided to occupy it (seeing as Saoirse had panicked and immediately sat with Millicent). She gave him a nod in greeting, receiving a shy smile in return as she unloaded her textbook, notes, and parchment onto her side of the desk.

“Today we will review the Forgetfulness Potion.” Snape drawled, and if it weren’t for the fact that so many of them were scared of him, many students would be lulled back to sleep by his monotonous voice. “This includes ingredients, directions, effects, cures, and history. Find the page in your textbooks, and I want an essay of at least two feet before the end of class, or you will be finishing an extra foot for homework.” There were a few groans from the back of the room, which he ignored completely. “You’ll do well to pay attention – you will be tested on it at the start of your next term, and it will be included in your final exam at the end of the year, along with the many other potions and ingredients that we cover.”

For a long while, there was near-silence in the room, only the scratching of quills and the low mumbles and whispers of discussions. And as (Y/N) was writing about the effects of the potion (which she was already having a hard time remembering), she felt a cramp in her hand and decided to take a short break.

Rahim was writing quickly, copying a list from his textbook rather efficiently, until he noticed the bored look on his friend’s face as she studied a satisfying lower-case ‘b’ on his paper. “Um… you alright?”

Nodding, (Y/N) continued to rub her hand as she glanced in the direction of their professor, seeing he was busy marking papers with vague disappointment. “Yes, just… in need of a break.” She answered truthfully.

Rahim nodded and straightened himself out, hiding a yawn behind his hand. “Yeah, me too. But at least there’s not long before the holidays.”

(Y/N) hummed, deciding against mentioning how she was staying back. “Yeah, you can finally spend some time away from the library.” She teased, as if she wasn’t in there far more than him.

Humming a laugh, the boy gave her another shy smile, half-hidden by his dark hair. He seemed to be considering something, opening and then closing his mouth hesitantly.

(Y/N) realised that she couldn’t recall ever having a conversation with Rahim alone; they were always accompanied by Saoirse or Hermione. Perhaps that was why he was hesitating – or maybe it just made him all the more shy. “What is it?”

Rahim scrunched his brows slightly, before opting to say what was on his mind. “Well, uh… I was just wonderin’… about them books you’re always reading from the library…” He finally said, fidgeting with his quill and smudging his fingers with the first ink-stains of the day. “They’re just a bit… um… odd… I guess.”

She could tell he was trying very hard not to offend her, which she found very endearing, and was pleased that he was putting such effort into his phrasing. She thought perhaps that he could be trusted with the vague truth; after all, he didn’t have anyone to tell secrets too, other than Saoirse maybe. But (Y/N) was too tired to think up clever lies – it was a skill she’d have to work on. “I received a Message from a spirit, and I’m trying to figure out what to do.” She strategically answered.

To her surprise, Rahim didn’t seem all too shocked by this. Given his quiet nature, she’d expected a bit more of… a reaction. But instead, he seemed to be thinking over her answer seriously. “Spirit? Like a ghost?”

She waved a hand in a ‘sort of’ gesture. “Kind of… but a more dead ghost than a… living... ghost?” She cringed — not so elegantly put.

Rahim thought nothing of the peculiar answer, going along with it in understanding. “Well… where’ve you been lookin’?”

(Y/N) shrugged. “Well, just about everything really. Auramancy, Occulomancy, Tarot, runes… so far I haven’t found anything helpful.”

“And Necromancy wasn’t any help?”

She stopped. For the first time in a while, her brain seemed to stutter and freeze. Necromancy.

Necromancy.

Oh how the hell did she not think of Necromancy?

“Oh… I am such an idiot.” She muttered, massaging her forehead in frustration. It was so obvious now, she seriously questioned where her head had been all this time. “Rahim, it’s extremely rare that I’ll ever say this again, but I owe you one.” (Y/N) said, earning another shy smile from the boy.

She had one last shelf to check in the library.

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hannahssimblr · 1 month

Text

Michelle has been crying for a week.

Seemingly non-stop.

Tuesday evening, which was once about trigonometry and calculus, is when I currently find myself sitting awkwardly on Jen’s bed, alone, while she consoles her sobbing friend in the room next door for half an hour, and my iPod is out of battery.

“He’s here?” Michelle cries at one point, and Jen replies something gentle, muffled through the plasterboard wall. Probably a justification for my presence in her house, which is clearly not welcome even though I’m not actually forcing her to endure me when I’m in an entirely separate room.

Jen comes back a few minutes later looking frazzled, bags under her eyes as if she has been the one kept up at night with a broken heart, wailing over the skinny emo boy who cheated on her with an even skinnier emo girl. This house has been like a battlefield for days, with even Rahim and Debra retreating to the relative safety of the conservatory in case their rampaging daughter decides to come into the kitchen for a snack and shriek at either of them for not replacing the Nutella she’s been living off or starts hurling around accusations that her white sliced bread has been purloined.

“You alright?”

“Yeah, she’s just being Michelle. Extra Michelle. Michelle XL.”

“Didn’t sound like she was too happy about me being here.”

“Yeah well,” Jen steps forward and collapses sideways onto the bed, “She can get over it, I want you here.”

“I’m flattered,” I gently fix her fringe, “I’m just not really certain what I did wrong. I thought I did the exact right thing, actually.”

“Yeah but I told you before, there’s normal logic and then there’s Michelle Logic. That’s why I wanted you to be the one to tell her, she was bound to shoot the messenger.”

“Thanks.”

“It’s fair enough, I live with her. Can you imagine if it was me who broke the news?”

“...Do you think the end is in sight?”

“For this level of devastation? I dunno. She’s never been heartbroken before. First cut is the deepest, right?”

I shrug, “For me it wasn’t so bad.”

“Okay well, you haven’t been in love properly.”

“Okay…”

“Sorry but you can’t be an authority on this. Michelle properly loved Evan. He was her everything.”

“He was a fucking knob.”

“Yeah, clearly, but she didn’t know that, and she still loved him. Loves him.”

“He doesn’t deserve to be cried over like this.”

“Tell that to her. Or actually, don’t tell that to her. Don’t tell her anything. Stay a mile away from her until further notice.”

I sigh, “You can't keep us away from each other forever, like, eventually she’s going to emerge from her hovel of despair and find me sitting on the couch, or talking to her dad in the kitchen, it’s not like I’m going to be able to completely vanish from sight forever and ever. I also live five minutes down the road…” I shake her as she turns away to flip through a music magazine, “and we go to the same school…”

“Yeah, I know, but all this stuff is girl stuff. You’re not supposed to be allowed to see it. You’re only here because you have special Tuesday night privileges.”

I scoff. “I’ve seen girls crying before.”

“Yeah, because of you.”

I toss myself down on the covers and wiggle my way into her eye line, “one day some horrible little bastard might break my sister’s heart, and on that day, when she’s crying and wailing over him, she won’t have anybody to talk to about it but me, and I’ll just turn to her and say ‘hey, sorry Ivy, this is girl shit! Can’t help you!’ Is this the future you want?”

Jen lifts the magazine and whaps me in the face with a full page spread of Amy Winehouse. “You’re so thick.”

I clutch my nose, “Ow! Fuck sake. I think you’re being stupid thinking like that, as if I’m not surrounded by girls at all times. You’re the one who always bangs on and on about feminism, but you’re the one creating a divide between the sexes, can’t you see that? You think I don’t care about girl stuff, like I can’t be around Michelle when she’s heartbroken? I do care.”

“The only girl stuff you care about is tits and fannies.”

“You’re foul.”

She giggles and goes back to her magazine at the same moment Michelle begins to blast a Paramore CD in the room next door. It’s so loud that it vibrates the walls.

Debra’s screaming only adds to the chaos. “Michelle, my god, turn it down.” She pleads to no avail, and then I hear her thundering up the stairs and pounding on her daughter's door. “Not again! We’re trying to watch the news!”

“Well, there they go again,” Jen comments without lifting her eyes from her article. “You sure you want to walk right into her lair?”

Beginning // Prev // Next

#lucky boy 2009 #i decided just to skip the conversation hahaha #it wouldn't have been THAT interesting #anyway #onto the final act of 2009 #HM i wonder what will happen

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a-friendly-fangirl · 3 years

Text

My thoughts on Sex Education, season 3.

⚠️⚠️⚠️SPOILERS⚠️⚠️⚠️

First of all, please try to remember that this is just my opinion. I'm nobody to judge whether the season was good or bad and I don't mean to hurt anyone.

With that being said, I'd like to begin by admitting that I liked these 8 episodes overall... but there were so many things that felt wrong to me.

I loved Jean's journey during her pregnancy and the way she tried to take care of everyone at the same time (although I kind of disliked Jakob for some things he said).

I loved Aimee and her desire to heal after the assault. The way she really wants to make her voice be heard was heartwarming and inspiring to me. Plus, her friendship with Maeve is one of the most beautiful I've ever watched (about this, I'll say something later on).

I loved Viv and her ambition that slowly became less important than her peers and their rights. She really wanted them to be happy in the end. I think that she didn't really understand how bad things with Hope were until the trip to France. And she redeemed herself in a great way.

I loved Lily and her journey towards acceptance of herself, even when others thought she was weird and silly. It was empowering seeing her so confident in the end.

I loved Adam's growth. It taught that even the most simple of passions can turn into something meaningful and that, no matter how bad you are, you can change.

Above all, I loved Maeve finally getting the chance to do something amazing for herself for once.

All of these things were wonderful, truly. But so many others I didn't like and I couldn't really understand as narrative choices.

Let me begin with the one I found the most annoying: Isaac's fake redemption arc. I know what you might say: "Of course you hate it! You ship Maeve and Otis!". Well, yes, I do. But it's not all about that. I might be exaggerating... but Isaac deleting Otis' message was beyond disrespectful to me. If you remember, at the beginning of the second season, Isaac was really mean to Maeve... but he had the opportunity to redeem himself. He had the chance to say he was sorry and to be a better person to her, even though he had been around for so little time. However, when it came to Otis to have the same opportunity, he decided that he wasn't worth it. Isaac, who didn't really know Otis, took away from him the chance to at least say that he was truly sorry for being such an ass to Maeve. But, what feels even worse to me is that he took away even Maeve's possibility to decide. We don't know how it would have gone, if Maeve had listen to what Otis had to say. Maybe she would have forgiven him. Maybe she would have still chosen Isaac, because Otis hurt her too much. Who knows what might have been? No one. And why? Because Isaac decided for everyone. And I don't care if he thought he was protecting Maeve or if he was angry. It. Was. Not. His. Choice. To. Make.

Also, I didn't really understand why Maeve wasn't as mad as I was with him. Sure, she stopped talking to him for a couple of days. But the moment she started to speak with him again, they hooked up. Too fast, too soon, in my opinion. He apologised? Sure. But so did Otis. And he didn't get to be so easily forgiven.

But let's move to the another point I have a lot to say about: Otis and Ruby. I really liked them together. I found them cute and funny. But still... Ruby struggled for real to accept Otis for who he is. And Otis acted the way she wanted to keep her close. For example, he shaved off his moustache for her. Now, most of the fandom hated that moustache... but again, Otis seemed to care a great deal for it. He kept repeating that he spent months growing it. But Ruby didn't like it. And he sacrificed something he was proud of for her. But okay, a lot of people would do something like that for their loved ones. But then he had to dress like her friends to fit in. To be fair, Ruby gave up that idea pretty soon... but she just reacted to Otis refusing to do it. If I had to make a comparison between her and another love interest (not Maeve, 'cause I'd be biased), I'd choose Ola, of course. She was putting pressure on him in other ways, but she never wanted him to be any different than who he was. Love, after all, means acceptance. And perhaps Ruby loved Otis for he saw the hardest part of her life, without judging her. I wish it could have been the same for him.

About this, I've noticed many people being disappointed in Otis not saying he loved her too, because it means that he was just using her. Well... no? I mean, he was the first one to admit that, if she was willing to give him more time, he might have learned to love her. Should he have made it clear to her earlier in the relationship? Sure! Can we condemn him for not feeling the same? Absolutely not! Feelings can't be forced. And I'm also sure that he thought he was done for good with Maeve. He suffocated the love he had for her so much that the clinic made him sick and that he admitted his feelings only when pressured by Maeve herself.

In conclusion, I think that Otis and Ruby might have had a wonderful friendship, if they were only given the chance. They have that kind of chemistry.

Talking about people who are better off as friends: in my opinion, that's all Maeve and Aimee will ever be. I honestly can't see anything romantic in them. The purity of their friendship means so much to me and it's, at least for me, so different from the "Friends who are more than friends" energy. We're so lucky to have such wonderful actresses to play these characters... and what I see in their gestures and glances tells me of a great friendship. They're so different from Emily and Sue in Dickinson (they're supposed to be just friends, but they're clearly not) or even Judy and Jen in Dead To Me (another pair of friends that can be ambiguous with each other).

Moving to another couple, whose development I didn't understand: Adam and Eric. I'm not a great fan of their relationship. I like them both as individuals. But the bully-victim dynamic they used to have wasn't the best one to start a relationship with. I could see the appeal though. So much that, I was truly happy for them, when they said their first I love you's. And every step Adam made in the right direction made me smile, since that it took him a long time to grow up. Eric seemed happy with him too. Until he went to Nigeria. I sincerely loved the whole trip... but something felt wrong in him founding what he truly wanted there, where he couldn't even tell his family he had a boyfriend. The scene in the taxi gave me chills. I felt the risk he was taking by going with a stranger to a gay club. A stranger that he kissed almost out of nowhere (whether it was the heat of the moment or Adam not replying to him, I'm not sure). It's the second time he cheats on his boyfriend. And I think Eric deserves far better as a character.

My question about this whole drama is: "How come Eric found out that he wanted to be free in Nigeria and not in England?". If it's true that going to the club made him realise he wanted to be among people like him, it makes the whole situation even more absurd. Because there are plenty of gay bars and clubs in England. Why not go to one of them? My theory is that they wanted to build a good romance with Adam, then build tension between them and in us and end the whole thing with their breakup (probably to make Adam fall in love with Rahim).

I swear I'm almost done. I want to discuss one last topic with you all.

Maeve going to America like that felt so rushed. It's probably another strategy to make us want to see more of the show. And it surely worked. But still, it has, at least for how they developed it, nothing to do with Maeve maturing. The idea itself was amazing. I loved her getting the opportunity of a lifetime. But she literally decides to go the evening before (which is not even realistic. In real life, you have a deadline until which you can pay to go wherever you want. If you don't, your place is given to someone else), after getting the money from her mother. Now, where does that money come from? She might as well have stolen it, since she didn't have it before. In my opinion, this part of the story could have gone differently with little effort and the same outcome. How? Well, since that basically everyone thought she deserved to go to America, why couldn't have her classmates and teachers organised a fundraiser? Even in secret, so that she couldn't get angry for their "charity". It would have been so much better and so wholesome to see everyone in that school give a little sum for her, even to thank her for the help they got from the clinic.

Anyway, I'm so sorry for talking so much, but this season didn't go as expected and I truly needed to vent :P.

Thank you for listening❤

#sex education #sex ed netflix #sex ed #sex ed s3 #maeve x otis #otis milburn #otis x maeve #maeve wiley #jean milburn #ola nyman #isaac goodwin #ruby matthews #eric effiong #adam groff #asa butterfield #emma mackey #ncuti gatwa

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cuthian · 3 years

Text

Not Giving Up

Post-2x10 continuation

The conversation we better see in season three.

Not Giving Up

“You Can’t Just Give Up On Someone Because The Situation’s Not Ideal. Great Relationships Aren’t Great Because They Have No Problems. They’re Great Because Both People Care Enough About The Other Person To Find a Way To Make It Work.”

—Unknown author

Victor smiled despite himself when the door swung open and revealed Benji, despite the way he and Benji had left things earlier, despite how hurt and confused and upset he’d been with his boyfriend for the past few days, despite how confused he had been earlier after Rahim had told him he had feelings for him and had kissed him.

“Hi,” he breathed, and Benji grimaced a little, looking down at his feet as his fingers clenched on the door.

“Hi,” Benji replied nonetheless, voice tight and low, like it always was when he was upset.

Victor swallowed thickly. “Can, uh… Can we talk?” When Benji didn’t say anything, didn’t reply or even look up, Victor’s heart clenched and he felt vaguely nauseous. “Benji, please,” he whispered. “Please.”

Benji’s fingers tightened minutely on the doorframe before he stepped aside so Victor could pass him into the house.

Victor exhaled the breath he hadn’t realized he was holding and walked inside, waiting for Benji to shut the door. “Let’s—let’s just talk my room,” Benji said stiffly, gesturing towards the stairs, and Victor offered a shy smile as he quipped, “I know you’re mad at me, but don’t think I don’t know you’re waiting for me to go first so you can look at my ass.”

Benji’s lips quivered a little, like he was holding in a laugh, shaking his head.

“I can be mad at you and still think your ass is hot, Victor,” he replied dryly. “I’m a man of many talents.”

Victor smiled and glanced at Benji from beneath his eyelashes. “I know you are.”

Benji shook his head again and gestured towards the stairs again. “Come on. You wanted to talk, so let’s talk.”

Victor nodded shakily and hurried up the stairs, walking down the familiar path to Benji’s bedroom on autopilot as he rehearsed all the things he wanted to say—all the things he needed to say—in his head as he did.

Once he was actually in Benji’s room though, once Benji had shut the door behind them, leaning back on it heavily as he looked up at Victor from underneath his eyelashes, all the words he’d wanted to say died in his throat. “I’m not sorry,” he blurted, and Benji’s eyes widened minutely before anger seeped back into his expression. “No,” Victor exclaimed, “no, wait, that came out wrong. I mean—” he sighed and shook his head again.

“I’m not sorry that I took Rahim to the wedding instead. You left me in a lurch and I asked Pilar, but she said no, so when Rahim offered, I accepted it because I didn’t want to go alone.” He looked up at Benji and winced a little at the other boy’s completely unreadable expression. “And you’re right,” he admitted. “Maybe things with Rahim weren’t exactly as platonic as I thought they were.”

Benji scoffed and Victor winced. “I know,” he sighed, “I know, I’m sorry. I didn’t—I want you to know I didn’t even consider it a real possibility until you pointed it out, until Rahim—”

“Until he what?” Benji snapped, eyes dark with anger and hurt. “Until he what, Victor?”

Victor bit harshly at his lower lip before he admitted, “He told me he had feelings for me and that he was pretty sure I had feelings for him too and… he kissed me.”

Benji inhaled sharply and turned, slamming his hand back against the door. “Great,” he choked. “Great. That’s fucking great, Vic. Is this karma for Mia? Because it’s becoming a fucking pattern.”

Victor blanched. “No. No, Benji, that’s not at all—it’s nothing like what happened between us—”

“Isn’t it?” Benji exclaimed, throwing his hands up as he turned back to Victor. He lifted one hand to point an accusing finger at him and spat, “You did the exact same thing again! How is this any different than it was then?”

“Because I’m not in love with Rahim!” Victor shouted back, stomping forward to poke a finger against Benji’s shoulder. “I’m not in love with him, and I’m not gonna pretend I could never be, that there’s nothing there that couldn’t be something if you and I hadn’t met or known each other, or if you hadn’t been here, but you are. You are here, Benji, and I do know you—and I love you.”

Benji’s eyes were shiny with unshed tears and his lower lip was trembling and Victor couldn’t tell if he was on the verge of tears because he was so pissed off or because he was hurt and it was a little scary.

Benji abruptly looked away and inhaled deeply, shaking his head, and Victor’s heart sank.

“I know you think you do,” Benji said quietly, “But damn it, Victor, do you even get why I asked you for a break in the first place? Do you even understand why I was upset?”

Victor bit his lip and hung his head a little. “I know I—I should’ve handled everything better, that I—that we somehow forgot to communicate somewhere along the way and I—I ignored it because I figured we’d be fine, but…” He shook his head. “I know I broke your trust when I told Rahim about the drinking, and I’m so sorry, Benji.”

“It’s not just that,” Benji exclaimed angrily, throwing up his hands in frustration. “I mean, it is, because I—” he looked down again. “You knew how I felt about that—I wasn’t even really ready to tell you about it, and then you went and told some guy that we’ve known for all of five minutes and I—” He ran his hand through his hair.

“It’d have been one thing if it were Felix or Pilar or even Mia, but Rahim?” Benji turned back to him with wide, tearful eyes. “You told me you’d told him and I felt like I didn’t even know you anymore, because my Victor—I couldn’t believe you’d have betrayed my trust like that. And then there was the whole thing with your mom, I just—”

“I’m sorry,” Victor blurted, reaching out for Benji’s hand tentatively. “I should’ve—” but Benji shook his head and held up his hand.

“Let me finish,” he said hoarsely. “Because this is something I should’ve been talking to you about then, and I made the mistake of not being open with you about it.” Victor shut his mouth and nodded, something in his chest loosening just a little when Benji reached out and took Victor’s hand between his anyway.

“We’ve been together for six months,” Benji continued shakily. “Six months and your mom could barely even acknowledge my existence, could barely even stomach it when I held your hand. And I knew how hard it was for you, so I tried not to let it get to me, I tried to be there for you, but then when you told me how she accepted this random friend of Pilar’s without a second’s hesitation, I—” he shook his head. “I wanted to be excited, but I was just… I was hurt. And jealous. And I hated that you couldn’t see that, that I would have to tell you that. That it just didn’t occur to you that hearing her accept someone else was going to be hurtful to me.”

Victor winced and nodded, because that was fair.

For a lot of their relationship, it’d been him leaning on Benji for support and he could see how that had gotten out of balance quickly. He’d hated that Benji hadn’t told him about the AA meetings and confided more in him, but he could also see, with the benefit of hindsight, that there hadn’t been a lot of room for him to do so.

“You’re right,” he said softly. “You’re, I’m sorry. I should’ve considered that.”

Benji nodded shakily. “And then when your mom walked in on us…” he trailed off and sighed. “I lost it. I was so—so frustrated and upset, and I took it out on her and you and I’m sorry,” he looked up at Victor with a pleading expression. “I shouldn’t have yelled at her, but it was like.... like everything I’d been wanting to say just came out all at once in this big messed up jumble of words, and then when you told me to leave it felt—it felt like you were picking her side.”

Victor hung his head.

That night had been a mess and they’d both screwed up a lot and Victor knew they should’ve done better—all of them.

“And then I told Rahim,” he whispered.

Benji nodded, “And then you told Rahim and it felt like you weren’t who I thought you were at all, like I was in love with someone who wasn’t—who wasn’t real.” He blinked hard, but a tear rolled down his cheek anyway, and Victor ached to wipe it away, but he refrained because Benji was still talking. “So I asked you for a break, because I needed some space to think, even if it felt so weird to not talk to you every hour—”

“I hated it too,” Victor cut in quietly. “Not talking to you. The only reason I hung out with Rahim was because I needed someone to distract me from… from this, from us while you were thinking about whether or not to break up with me.”

“I don’t wanna break up with you,” Benji whispered, expression devastated. “I love you. But—I don’t want to get stuck in another relationship where I’m the one doing all the giving and getting nothing in return.” He turned his amber eyes on Victor again and pleaded, “And I know you’d never make me feel like that on purpose, but—”

“But it still happened,” Victor nodded, the sick feeling in his stomach persisting.

Benji frowned and nodded.

Victor nodded too and looked down, trying to think of the best way to say what he needed to say to Benji, to show him he meant what he said. “I’m sorry I betrayed your trust,” he said quietly, sincerely, squeezing his fingers around Benji’s. “And I’m sorry I hurt you and that I didn’t listen when you tried to tell me how shitty my mom made you feel. I’m sorry that I misread what was happening with Rahim, and I’m sorry I didn’t push him away immediately when he kissed me.”

Benji made a face, but Victor continued, “I was confused, for a bit, because I—I couldn’t pretend it didn’t make me feel anything at all, but it’s not—it’s nothing like you make me feel. And when I picture my future, I can’t picture it without you. It’s always you, Benji. I love you. And I know we have so much to work through, but I’m in this with you, I promise.”

He pulled their hands to his lips and pressed a long, lingering kiss to the back of Benji’s hand.

“Please don’t give up on us,” he whispered.

Benji let out a soft breath and looked up at Victor with a soft, fragile smile. “I told you,” he said quietly. “I don’t think I could give up on us even if I wanted to.”

Victor exhaled in relief and tipped forward, leaning their heads together, pulling Benji as close as he could to breathe him in, to relish in the fact that Benji was letting him hold him, that he’d let Victor explain and apologize and that he’d apologized too.

Victor had come so close to losing him, and the fact that he could have made him feel nauseous. They weren’t okay, not yet, but they were together and they loved each other and they were going to fight like hell to make sure they gave it their best shot—they weren’t going to give up just like that.

“I love you,” he told Benji quietly.

Benji’s fingers tightened in the fabric of Victor’s shirt for a second before he replied, “I love you too.”

#love victor #love victor season 2 spoilers #venji #victor salazar #Benji campbell #fanfic #I fixed it #I think #something like this better be in season three

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cononeillbreastingboobily · 3 years

Text

Ohmygodwhydidntithinkofthisbefore-

Adam and Rahim on an aquarium date.

One day Adam asked when is Rahim's birthday, and it turned out it's quite soon. Thus started a more or less subtle campaign of asking what the soon-to-be birthday boy would like to receive or do.

And Rahim said:

"You know those huge aquariums where the entire wall is made out of glass and you can walk around and look at the things swimming inside?"

"Yeah." Adam nodded.

"I want to go somewhere like that. I've been to a couple places like that in France, but I haven't visited any in England."

Adam nodded again, and to Rahim this could've been the end of the topic.

Little did he know this was only the beginning.

Because later that day Adam was in his room googling the nearest aquarium he could bring Rahim to. And there was one, quite massive, 3 hours away if you take the bus.

So the next weekend he set out on a mission. He took the bus out of town on an early Saturday morning, observing the rolling hills and small towns on his way.

When he finally arrived at his destination, he was quite amazed. You see, Adam has never been to a place like this before. Sure, he went to the zoo a couple of times in the past, and there were big aquariums there, but they never were entire buildings dedicated to housing sea creatures of all shapes, origins and sizes.

He walked through to buy a ticket and went inside.

He spent several hours walking through dark rooms, observing the sea animals through the glass walls. Sea snails caught his attention, with how elegantly they almost danced through the water, and how their skin shimmered in the light exposing their beautiful colours.

He also felt a strange kind of kinship with a family of manatees, especially one of the older ones. It moved slowly, deliberately, some would say almost lazily, but Adam knows. He knows every move of the creature is thoughtful and calculated, that in all of their clumsiness they are intelligent and absolutely wonderful.

Finally, the aquarium spit him out on the other side, and he walked out in a daze, still managing to register the gift shops and a busy café, which seemed to have an aquatic theme in all of their drinks and dishes.

Adam boarded the bus back home, nodding to himself quietly.

"Yeah. This is the place."

Precisely one week away from Rahim's birthday Adam asked him quite innocently:

"Do you have any plans for Thursday next week?"

Rahim took a second to register what he's asking about. A smile crept onto his lips.

"I don't, actually. Why?"

"I want to take you out on a date" replied Adam, shooting him a smile as confident as it was mysterious.

"Oh? And where will we be going?"

"It's a surprise." replied Adam. "I'll text you the time."

They agreed on the time and the days went by, until it was finally Rahim's birthday. Adam was very proud of himself, since he managed to go an entire week without blurting out what he was planning. Given how excited he was it was really difficult for him.

So then they met on an early Thursday morning at the same bus stop Adam took off from a while ago.

Rahim looked incredible, as always. His curls have been growing out, giving him a fluffy, soft look, which goes great with his big, beautiful eyes. He really was like a cat. Adam loved playing with his hair when Rahim was resting his head on Adam's lap. That would have to wait until later though.

Rahim tried asking where they were going time and time again, but Adam managed to keep it together and not say a word. When the bus came they took a seat, Rahim sitting by the window. He stayed cautious the entire ride, trying to make out where they could be going, but to no avail - he's never been to the area.

It wasn't until the bus made it's way into the aquarium car park that something in Rahim's head clicked.

"We're going to the aquarium." he stated very matter-of-factly.

"Yes!" Adam replied, a huge grin blooming on his face now that he didn't have to keep the secret anymore. But then, inevitably, a little bit of worry set in. "Is that okay? Should we go back?"

The look in Rahim's eyes softened. He leaned in and kissed Adam's cheek.

"Absolutely not. You've had an amazing idea, Adam".

A wave of relief washed over Adam, and he rested their foreheads together for a moment.

When the bus finally stopped, they stepped out and made their way inside, holding hands.

This time Adam thought even further ahead and booked two tickets, so that they didn't have to wait in line. They walked in, and the magic began.

Adam was already amazed by the place when he went there alone, but he couldn't have predicted Rahim's reaction.

His boyfriend was absolutely transfixed by everything he saw.

He really reminded Adam of a cat that entire day. His eyes shone, pupils huge in the darkened rooms. His eyes darted to any sort of movement from the aquariums, and at times he pulled Adam by the hand like a little kid rushing their parent to go further ahead with them.

For the most time Adam just stood there, and truth be told, he just stared at Rahim. He mentally patted himself on the back for deciding to come here by himself first, since he knew he wasn't missing out on anything he hasn't seen before, and looking at Rahim when he was happy was honestly all he could've asked for.

Eventually they ended up in front of one of the largest glass walls in the facility, and behind it - an aquarium with jellyfish of all kinds, colours and sizes. The two of them stood there for several minutes, until something about Rahim caught Adam's attention.

"Hey, are you okay?" he asked, gently squeezing Rahim's hand.

His question was met with silence. He looked at Rahim purposefully, and saw that there were tears in his boyfriend's eyes.

"Yeah" he replied finally, when he noticed Adam staring. "It's just... they're so beautiful."

"They really are" Adam replied after a moment, taking the time to really look at the jellyfish, wondering what Rahim saw in them that has moved him so much.

Until it hit him. He truly couldn't believe he hasn't thought of it before.

"You see beauty in everything that surrounds you".

"Huh?" asked Rahim, gently pulled out of his trance.

"So much in the world amazes you." Adam said slowly. "Sometimes it feels like you're an alien and it's your first day on Earth. And just... It's amazing, seeing you be so in love with everything around you. Just... like I said. You see beauty in everything that surrounds you."

Rahim was staring at him quietly the entire time he was talking. He got used to Adam's quiet demeanour, which made moments he said a little more than usual all the more special. It's really those fleeting moments that show the contents of his heart, aside from the poetry he still writes.

And Rahim cherishes every single one of these moments.

"Well..." he said, sniffling quietly. "That's because there is beauty in everything that surrounds me."

Adam smiled in response and closed the space between them, kissing Rahim's forehead and wrapping his arms around his boyfriend.

They stood like that for a long time, just looking at the jellyfish and enjoying each other's company. Eventually Rahim gently wriggled out of Adam's embrace, and, taking his hand, led him ahead without a word.

They spent some more time in front of the beluga whale, giggling as it repeatedly headbutted the glass separating them.

Then, they spent a lot of time in front of the aquarium housing seals. Rahim looked at every single one of them with a sense of childlike wonder.

"Of course" Adam thought. "They're basically water cats, aren't they?"

After what felt like millennia, they slowly walked out the aquarium, heading towards the exit.

They were well on their way out, until Rahim stopped in his tracks, Adam jerking backwards since they were holding hands the entire time.

Rahim was standing in front of one of the gift shops, locking eyes with a particularly large plush toy resembling a grey seal.

Adam looked at Rahim, then at the plush seal, then at Rahim again.

"Do you... do you want the seal?"

Rahim slowly nodded without a word.

"Alright"

Adam took the seal and stepped inside the shop to pay. He wouldn't be surprised if the toy was one of the most expensive things they had, given the attention to detail.

But no price is too high for Adam when he gets to see Rahim's smile light up his entire face, seeing his boyfriend walk out with the huge plush seal in his hands.

Adam immediately handed the toy to the birthday boy, who took it gratefully.

And then, with one hand holding the seal, and the other - Adam's hand, Rahim walked out of the building, into the cool air of the late afternoon.

They were standing at the bus stop waiting for their ride back home, when Rahim nudged Adam's arm with his face.

"Thank you" he said into the sleeve of his hoodie.

"Sure." Adam replied. "Happy birthday"

Rahim muttered something in response, and they just stood there, huddled closely, until the bus came. They sat down, placing the seal between them, and then the bus took off. They spent the ride back talking quietly, discussing the animals they saw. Or rather, it was mostly Rahim excitedly talking about every single animal that stole his heart today, and Adam just looking at him, knowing fully well who it was that his own heart belongs to.

When they went back, Adam walked Rahim back to the front of Yusuf's shop, thinking that was it.

Except Rahim wasn't letting go of his hand.

Adam raised his eyebrows, to which Rahim asked:

"Do you want to come upstairs? Yusuf won't be home until tomorrow, so if you want we could..."

Before he could finish his sentence, Adam nodded enthusiastically. He really reminded Rahim of a golden retriever in moments like that.

And with that Rahim pulled Adam into the shop, and then through the door leading to the flat upstairs.

Rahim led his boyfriend into his bedroom, closing the door behind them. He placed the plush seal on the chair, and when Adam wrapped his arms around him and kissed his lips like they haven't seen each other in a thousand years, he couldn't help but think:

"This is the best birthday ever."

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hopeshoodie · 2 years

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Last one for now, any headcanons for Marisol and Lucas together? I ship her with far too many people, it’s becoming an issue. I’ve also toyed with writing for those two together.

There’s a bunch of these pairing in the queue for you, so I’m trying to feel less bad saying I don’t think Lucas and Marisol would work at all.

Marisol needs to feel like the smartest person in the room in order to feel confident, and that’d never be the case with Lucas. I’m not saying he’s smarter than her, I’m saying he can match her in language, reasoning, and breadth of references. She’d feel constantly frustrated by bringing up a topic to teach the people around her, and him quietly nodding then saying ‘I know’ when prompted to respond.

Marisol loves to confront issues and talk them to death, whereas Lucas insists on not letting anything bother him and then leaving at the slightest indication that it does (see Blake, his cheating on a girl and regretting it to this day but never getting closure, and his unresolved feelings for Henrik)

Marisol enjoys going out and dancing, maybe drinking, and Lucas would make her feel bad about that and call it ‘in poor taste’ in that unintentionally condescending way that he does.

Marisol’s a lot more comfortable with monotony than Lucas is. I get the vibe that the reason Lucas likes his job is that it’s a new project every day, it’s super dynamic. He takes spontaneous road trips and doesn’t like having a consistent schedule every day. Marisol on the other hand, loves the structure of having a daily routine. She loves being able to fall back onto the same things, month by month, and much prefers deeply studying on topic over jumping from thing to thing. Lucas would get bored with the domesticity that Marisol creates in her day to day life, and Marisol would get stressed by Lucas’ spontaneity. He’d be like ‘let’s go for a three day trip!�� and she’d reply, ‘you need to give me 6-12 business days to prepare for any spur of the moment adventures’.

I kinda feel like if they go together in the villa, it’d go the same way as Rahim and Priya did- they have some cute moments, it seems like they should both be more into each other than they are, but at the end of the day there’s no spark. Marisol would lose interest and Lucas would switch on her without thinking much of it.

On the other hand, they’d look SO hot together and their aesthetics kind of match, so the photos they’d take would be killer.

#final trash dump #litg

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ravenadottir · 3 years

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Yo! I had so many questions I wanted to ask you while you were gone but I of course wasn’t gonna send in asks while you were on hiatus! I wanted you to have peace. But I should have written them down!! 😭

Now I only have this one question. I saw your ask to Mango about Chelsea’s super power and now I want your take on this. Not on Chelsea but an islander or islanders of your choice. What super powers would you give your favorite islanders? They can have more than one power like super heroes do if you feel like it fits.

hi! i missed you!

oh oh oh oh!! anything you remember, send it my way! i need something to help me wake up from this brain coma i've been in. i blame cmm for that...

ok, so i love this question, thank you for sending it to me! i'll definitely focus on a lot of them because well, i love the genre, and i love talking about them 🥺

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

lucas

fire. he's able to start it, besides dominating and bending it over to his own will. sometimes uses it for (partial) evil and more. being the anti hero i think he is, i would LOVE to see lucas playing with fire while delivering a speech that instigates the good guy in front of him. in a cool, well cut, all black suit with just one (1) red scarf on the lapel, or his neck, he would look amazing sending blazes everywhere! i even have a song for him: play with fire. aaaah the idea of lucas and fire sends me to heaven, hell, purgatory and back! he can be like tuxedo mask, regarding how he annoys everyone with his smugness.

gary

colossus. strength and possibility of turning into a dense metal at will? gary is perfect for it! he has the body shape and weight, and the skills for the maintenance. picture this: you walk down the hallway to go to the bathroom, only to hear him moaning in there. you're uncomfortable, thinking the worst, only to open the door and see him oiling his joints and almost falling on the floor. "a little help? i can't reach some places..." please, give me metal body gary, it would clear all my trauma! plus, as he is in the villa, he would exercise his comic relief role.

carl

brainiac with technology/time bending. (@lasswithumor's idea for 'time' makes me smile! thank you for the inspo!) not actual brainiac from dc though, let me explain. i always get the sense carl could be tony stark or bruce wayne, minus the assholery. he's much humbler and quiet, but still very capable. as for time bending being his power, it could make him overcome this sense of running out of time he always seems to have. he might have a hardship about it because he never seems to find a balance, so this skill is probably the only thing he could actually be good at, and benefit from.

noah

talking to the dead, like klaus hargreeves. something i would love to see is how tormented he would be while it happens. distressed noah is a beautiful concept, and part of the reason why he would be such a troubled character. picture this: he uses those people to fight in exchange of favors, like finding out who killed them, or to tell their families how peaceful they are now, among other things. noah and ghosts ring different to me, and the thought of him being troubled? even more! not like klaus, but definitely close to that. i love that "short temper" side of him, and in this context, it would be perfect. plus, his looks being similar to something from the 1920's, without the hat. so white shirt, suspenders, dark brown pants. ugh, he would look so good in it!

henrik

vines and plant banding, like layla williams in sky high. there's no other answer for him. i thought about making him avalanche, from x men, but i see him more connected to plants than any other element of nature. the way he would smirk and grow a small vine around his pinky while talking about a brilliant idea he just had? PLEASE. GIVE - IT - TO - ME, I LIVE FOR SMUG HENRIK! and you can be damn sure his looks would include this ponytail, by @juggalohenrik.

kassam

at first i thought invisibility, because of his personality and how he behaves in groups, but then it hit me, supersonic scream. he can take his frustrations out on a single booming scream and be done with it. i would love to see kassam being teased and beat up, only to get up from the ground, scrapes all over, bloody nose, only to position himself and close his fists to focus, before delivering a resounding scream to round it up real nicely. that's definitely a power he would find useful and excels in. the visuals definitely don't hurt either!

bobby

he's a very peculiar boy, and so his powers would have to be too. it might sound crazy, but hear me out! laughter inducement. the power itself can cause the person to laugh so hard, eventually the air is expelled from their lungs and they have quite the death! it's gruesome and i love it, it's the perfect juxtaposition between it and bobby's personality that is so bubbly. picture this: battlefield, gary smugly says "i guess that's the only way you could make someone laugh." to which bobby replies with a laugh "including you, tin can" while making colossus!gary laugh and fall on the floor because of it. it might require lots of energy, so bobby can't always cause mass laughter, just like in the villa... jk jk jk! i just know his uniform would be clown like, before priya adjusted to a beautiful dark teal piece. before that? goofy pink mask and cape with sprinkles, and tights everywhere else. he would also be the type of hero that is a comic relief. ironically, in this case.

lottie

rogue. the power and the visuals fit in so well! sucking up someone's power and/or energy SCREAMS lottie's personality all over! if i could adjust it so the girl doesn't manifest it unless she wants to, that's even better. lottie with dark hair and a streak of platinum, or the opposite, would look another level and i'm here for it! plus, the gloves... AAAAH THE GLOVES. she would smirk before taking them off and turning that grin into a determined smug expression before touching her enemy. PLEASE!

priya

TURNING - PEOPLE - INTO - GOLD. i said what i said. similar to medusa's power of turning people into stone. flowy dresses for the goddess looks, a smirk on her lips while she does it, and golden shiny eyes that glow bright when she throws her gold curse upon her enemy! she's goofy, so you know she has a cheesy catchphrase, but i can't think of anything right now. it's there, i just need to find it.

hope

mind control. CAN I JUST SAY? she practically has that power already. being persuasive and having the power of negotiation the way she already does would fit in perfectly. and if i may add, storm looks like the uniform and the "bright white eyes" while it happens???also! hope as the person who plans the attacks and defense.

marisol

persuasion. similar to allison hargreeves. one word and they will do it. at first i considered super strength, for being so unexpected to someone that petit, but if you account for her personality, persuasion as a super power is so much cooler! plus, she doesn't have to try hard, the seed of argumentation is already there. in her origin story you could have marisol having a moral grey area where she debates whether or not using those powers in court. i would love to see this dilemma and her going through it, since there's a clear distinction in what she considers right and wrong, and the ethically correct options to choose. as looks go, all she needs is a suit, similar to the prom one, and definitely a ponytail and gloves.

ibrahim.

flying and speed. something about rahim screams traditional super hero persona and i can't help but stir into it. he's perfect for the superman alter ego, the one that talks about justice and fights the big guy for the little ones. rahim has a way of going around and making people's lives better, at least that's how i see him. i asked for @itsrealityboo 's approval about this, because you know, she's the authority on golf boy, and she added something really cool that i hadn't thought about: "I will say that I could definitely see Rahim as a part of a team tho, like the fantastic four! I think because of his insecurities, he’s need some type of support system or even older mentor. He’d definitely go through that awkward phase of learning how to manage his powers if he wasn’t born with them lol"

i definitely agree after reading it, it makes so much sense! i don't know if that need comes from being the younger brother, or having those expectations at home (about being suave and all) but that would for sure be a part of his origin story as a superhero.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

in case you missed the asks i sent about superpowers, here is chelsea, by mango, and elisa, by kc

#litg lucas #litg gary #litg noah #litg henrik #litg kassam #litg bobby #litg lottie #litg hope #litg priya #litg marisol #litg elisa #litg chelsea #litg ibrahim #litg #litg season 2 #love island the game #love island the game season 2 #queue

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ginazmemeoir · 4 years

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Mughal Women

Ok while I was scrolling through tumblr today on women’s history, one thing struck me odd - there wasn’t a single post regarding the women of one of the richest, most powerful empires in the history of the world. So here’s to you ladies - icons, role models and most of all - badass queens.

1. Isaan Daulat (lit. Good fortune) : Grandmother of Zahiruddin Khan or as he is famous, Babur, the founder of the Mughal dynasty, Isaan Daulat regularly advised her son on statecraft and warfare, and carried out most of his diplomatic missions. According to a source, Isaan Daulat’s husband was once killed in a war against the Shah of Persia. The Shah thereafter proceeded to “gift” Isaan Daulat to one of his generals. However, the same night, Isaan Daulat had her retinue murder him in the courtyard, “while she sipped wine reclining in the moonlight courtyard” as a witness claimed. When the Shah arrived, he questioned her about this action, to which she replied, “Islam gives me a right as a widow to marry by my convenience. You just handed me to him like cattle, and therefore his killing is perfectly justified by Islamic Sharia. You should consider yourself lucky.” The Shah of Persia then sent back Isaan Daulat with the wealth and assets he gained from that war, and declared her and her lineage as his sister and nephews. This later helped to back the Mughals’ legitimacy. Sadly, Isaan Daulat could never enjoy the land her descendants called home.

2. Gulbadan (lit. she with a rose like body) : Gulbadan was Babur’s eldest daughter, and was quite adventurous. She had famously chronicled the lives of her father and her brother Humayun, the second Mughal emperor. She looked after administration while her brother fled from place to place. She had also embarked on a seven-year voyage to Mecca and Medina for The Hajj, encountering the malicious Portuguese (she had to bribe them with a fricking town for guarantee of safe passage), pirates, kings, sufis and many more, and was thus also called Hajji Begum. She held a special place in Akbar’s zenana as his aunt.

3. Hamida Banu : Princess of Sindh, she was married off at the age of 15 to a much older Humayun at the age of 15. She had accompanied Humayun in all his wars and also on his journey to Persia, for asking the Safavid Shahs to help them recapture Hindustan. She was Akbar’s mother.

4. Maham Anagah and Jiji Anagah : Akbar’s wet nurses, they had raised up Akbar while his parents tried to win their empire back. Maham Anagah was Akbar’s chief advisor and head of his zenana, before a failed coup by his son, after which he was killed and later on she was relieved of her post, despite still holding Akbar’s favour. Jiji Anagah’s children extensively married into the Mughal family, and her husband Mirza Aziz Koka was Akbar’s head of finance. Her family, wealth and power grew so much, as the Emperor’s favourites, that they were collectively known as the Atka Khail.

5. Ruqaiyya Begum : Akbar’s first cousin, and also his first wife, Ruqaiyya Begum was Akbar’s chief queen and Padshah Begum of the zenana. Though she remained childless, she reigned supreme in the zenana and commanded her husband’s respect in a society where a woman’s existence was through her children. She was the main force behind Noor Jahan and Jahangir’s wedding, and was also the person who raised Shah Jahan.

6. Salima Sultana Begum : Wife of Akbar’s general Bairam Khan, she was later married to Akbar after Bairam Khan’s assassination. Her son Abdur Rahim was later made Khan-i-Khanan or Commander of the Mughal Army. She was the one who had brought up Jahangir, and thus he was also called Salim. An erudite scholar, she managed Akbar’s library along with her own private collection, commissioning new works and translations of others. She later protected Jahangir from Akbar’s wrath after Jahangir had him poisoned in a bid for the throne.

7. Harkha Bai : Bollywood knows her as Jodhaa, while history knows her as Maryam-uz-Zamani, Harkha Bai was the Rajput Princess of Amer and the daughter of Raja Bharmal. She was married to Akbar as part of a political alliance, and later became Jahangir’s mother. She was the richest woman of her time, her wealth being more than Akbar’s, and she also had one of the most valuable lands (jagirs). There are 2 famous anecdotes on her -

Once, an English merchant had bought her indigo farms at Bayana, Rajasthan. When she got to know of this, she practically destroyed that merchant, bought back that farm, and later had it burnt.

Another time, the Portuguese had captured and set fire to her ship the Rahimi, one of the largest and finest ships in that time, in a last bid to maintain their hold in India and the Arabian Sea against the increasingly powerful English. In retaliation, Jodhaa had all of their ships burnt, snatched their powers and wealth, and basically made paupers out of them. She died as the richest woman in Mughal history, before Noor Jahan.

8. Anarkali : A courtesan, with whom Jahangir (then Prince Salim) fell madly in love, many historians now consider the very real possibility that she never existed and was instead “invented” by the Mughal family as someone to blame for the tension between Akbar and Jahangir. According to the folklore, Akbar didn’t approve of Salim and Anarkali’s relation, and after she and Salim refused to end things, he had her entombed alive in a wall.

9. Maan Bai : Harkha Bai’s niece, she was Jahangir’s first wife. She later committed suicide by an overdose of opium when Jahangir had her son Khusrau blinded and imprisoned in a bitter war of succession. Her brother Man Singh was one of the Nine Gems (navaratna) of Akbar’s court, and had defeated Rana Pratap in the famous Battle of Haldighati.

10. Jagat Gosini : Princess of Jodhpur, she was the Padshah Begum of Jahangir’s zenana before Noor Jahan, and also the mother of Shah Jahan. She was the biggest obstruction in Noor Jahan’s historic rise to power. She was not on good terms with then Dowager Empress Ruqaiyya Begum (see above) and hence, Ruqaiyya Begum demanded that Shah Jahan be handed over to her so that she could raise him up, and also helped Noor Jahan against her. A local folklore also suggests that she had been the one behind the miscarriage of Noor Jahan after she had come into the zenana. She faded after Noor Jahan’s rise, but still held respect and power.

11. Noor Jahan (lit. Light of the World): The most famous and powerful woman in the history of the Mughals, Noor Jahan was born as Mehr-un-Nisa (lit. Sun amongst Women) to Persian immigrant parents. Brought up in Agra alongside Akbar’s court, Noor Jahan was an intelligent woman full of talent and potential. She was married off at 19 to Sher Afghan, a commander in Akbar’s army. The marriage was a failure, and moreover Noor Jahan suffered through 8 miscarriages with him, before the birth of her daughter, Ladli (lit. Darling or Beloved). After her husband was murdered in a coup, Ruqaiyya brought her to the Imperial Palace as part of her retinue, and later helped her and Jahangir get married, with she being Jahangir’s twentieth and final wife. Her rise to power was quick, owing to her own ambition and intellect, and some help from her father Itimad-ad-Daulah (Royal Treasurer of the Mughals), brother Asaf Khan (a prominent minister in Jahangir’s court) and Ruqaiyya Begum. Her seal as the Padshah Begum became second only to that of Jahangir, and later even surpassed his own. She brought great innovations to fashion, cosmetics, administration, architecture and gardening, city planning, and many more. She was the one who had arranged the marriage between her niece Arjumand Banu and Shah Jahan. Her marriage with Jahangir was a success – both of them were tempestuous and cared and loved each other deeply. Later, as Jahangir’s health started failing due to asthma and alcoholism, she took over the reigns and took the Mughal empire to great heights. The first British ambassador, Sir Thomas Roe, arrived in her time. However, she gave the British no rights or privileges till the Rahimi incident, and extracted a great many gifts from him, including a carriage made entirely of silver. She had designed her parents’ tomb near the Yamuna river in Agra (it was later copied by Shah Jahan), and she also designed Jahangir’s tomb in Lahore (modern day Punjab, Pakistan). She had tried to get Shah Jahan to marry her own daughter, but he refused and so she completely withdrew her support from making him the emperor, and instead opposed him. Shah Jahan thus had to flee to Burhanpur, with his eldest children Dara Shukoh, Jahanara, Aurangzeb and Roshanara in Noor Jahan’s custody. Later, he waged war against Noor Jahan with help from her brother Asaf Khan. Noor Jahan was ultimately defeated in Kashmir. She was deprived of her wealth, status and power and exiled to Lahore with her daughter and granddaughter. Her influence still remained, with Shah Jahan keeping her legacy alive by copying the Taj Mahal from the tomb she designed for her parents.

12. Mumtaz Mahal : Born as Arjumand Banu, she was Noor Jahan’s niece and Shah Jahan’s most beloved. She died in childbirth while giving birth to her fourteenth child – a girl called Gauhar.

13. Jahanara : Eldest daughter of Shah Jahan, she was the one who headed the empire after Shah Jahan was left heartbroken following Mumtaz’s death, and became active in the construction of the Taj Mahal. Noor Jahan is often described as being fond of her, taking care of her education personally. She was known as Padshah Mallika, and her flower-shaped seal was the most powerful. She was an accomplished dancer, poet and a patron of the arts. She conducted the most expensive wedding ever, between her brother Dara Shukoh and Nadira Banu Begum, valued at 2 lakh rupees then, approximately 2 billion USD in today’s time. She supported Dara Shukoh in his bid to become emperor. Later, she was imprisoned by Aurangzeb after he imprisoned Shah Jahan and killed all his remaining brothers.

14. Roshanara : Shah Jahan’s younger daughter, she was also an accomplished poet, but always at loggerheads with Jahanara. She later supported Aurangzeb as emperor.

15. Dilras Banu Begum : Aurangzeb’s first wife and Padshah Begum of his zenana, Dilras Banu belonged to the Safavid dynasty of Persia. She was mother of all of Aurangzeb’s children. However, she died an year before Aurangzeb’s succession. The Bibi ka Maqbara (Tomb of the Lady) in Aurangabad, which bears a striking resemblance to the Taj Mahal, was constructed by Aurangzeb in her honour.

16. Zeenat-un-Nisa : Aurangzeb’s eldest daughter, she was the Padshah Mallika after her mother’s death. She survived Aurangzeb by a great many years, and was respected by his successors as a remnant of a magnificent past. She was known for her charity, and was buried in the Zeenat-ul-Masjid built by her in Dlehi.

17. Zeb-un-Nisa : Aurangzeb’s favourite daughter, Zeb-un-Nisa was the most accomplished poet in Mughal history, with her works still surviving and enjoyed. She was an atheist, but later converted to Sufism. She led a secret society, and lead a rebellion against the oppressive and harsh rule of her father. She was subsequently imprisoned by Aurangzeb, where she died. She was buried in the Tees Hazari Bagh (Garden of 30,000 Trees) near the Kashmiri Darwaza (Kashmir Gate) in North Delhi. Her tomb was later shifted at Akbar’s Mausoleum in Sikandra, Agra when Delhi was expanded following Independence.

Well people, this has been an informative post. You’re welcome.

Sources : Daughters of the Sun by Ira Mukhoty, Empress : the Astonishing reign of Noor Jahan by Ruby Lal.

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songs-in-nature · 1 year

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Andras picks Rahim up, wraps his wings around him, and kisses him. "Happy Valentine's Day, Junebug~"

Ah, tradition. Rahim giggled as he was scooped off his feet yet again. Eyes falling closed as he was shrouded in the red of Andras's wings. Smiling softly into the kiss pressed onto his lips.

"Happy Valentine's to you, too, Verbena. Is there anything in particular you might want for Valentine's, my love?"

#I Know Some Things {~Rahim Replies~}#he's so used to getting picked up by him now #it's great #re: So a Bird CAN Love a Fish {~Andras x Rahim~}

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abundanceofnots · 4 years

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Mickey hates the idea the moment it leaves Ian’s mouth.

And yeah, technically speaking, Mickey’s the one who started this whole thing. Because he just had to go and blurt out what he was feeling like an idiot.

It’s not really his fault that for all the soulmate-idea-bordering bullshit they’ve got going on with Ian, where they sometimes don’t have to say anything to know exactly what’s on the other one’s mind, there’s still a whole fucking lot of things they like to misunderstand about each other.

Just like now.

They’re strolling home from the Alibi. It’s already well into spring, so the night’s mild and they don’t have to layer like motherfuckers. Ian’s arm is sort of hanging over Mickey’s shoulder, fingers massaging his neck. They’ve got a nice buzz going on, stealing glances at each other, feeling embarrassingly giggly as they talk about nothing in particular or nothing at all, and Mickey’s happy and calm, because this is what their free nights have consisted of lately.

They spent them together in the Alibi, drinking and shooting shit and playing pool and sometimes chatting with Kev and V. After that, they walk home, Ian’s hand rubbing up and down his neck and back, a promise of more to come when they’re finally alone in their bedroom, and Mickey wouldn’t change a thing about it for the world.

He really doesn’t know, then, why he ruins it by saying:

“We need to stop goin’ to the fuckin’ Alibi all the time. Before we turn into the gay version of Tommy and Kermit.”

But it’s what he says, and it’s all he means. They could switch it up by going to the movies some time, or for dinner. That’s what couples do, right?

Still, he senses the hand on the back of his head stop for just a second. That small hesitation is enough for him to sober up.

Ian shoots him a smile that feels a little too tight to pass as genuine.

“Ever thought they might already be the gay version of Tommy and Kermit?” Ian remarks, one of his brows going up.

He’s so clearly deflecting. And Mickey can tell, like only another seasoned deflector can tell. But he doesn’t really mind indulging him, if it means his previous statement remains forgotten.

“Come on.” He gives Ian a skeptical nudge. “I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who was more obstinately heterosexual than them.”

“Obstinately, okay.” Ian shoves him back. “I’m just saying. They’ve been sitting at that bar together for years.”

“You just want everyone to be gay.”

“Would that be so bad?”

“Yea, it would.”

They laugh and Mickey watches as Ian averts his eyes to think something over.

“There’s this guy at work,” he says after a while. “Rahim. He’s gay.”

“’Kay,” Mickey replies, unsure. “Where’s this going? I tell you we shouldn’t go to the Alibi so often, and what you suggest is having a threesome or some shit?”

Ian shoots him a pointed look.

“He has a boyfriend, Patrick,” he explains. “We got talking once after work and he said we could hit the club together. All four of us, as a double date. Might not hurt for us to have more friends. Go out. Be social.”

Mickey hates everything about the idea.

They already got enough friends. Fuck, there were more than a 100 people at their wedding.

Read the whole fic here (AO3). Or start the series of one-shots here.

#gallavich fic #gallavich #gallavich fanfic #my fics #ian × mickey

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amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines · 4 years

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Maeve//It’s Always Been You

Being friends with Maeve Wiley has never been an easy job. She always had something going on in her life, whether it being family trouble, boy drama or school problems. Luckily for her though, you were usually around whenever something had gone wrong.

But being in love with Maeve Wiley was a completely different issue, especially when it came to boy drama, and recently she seems to be surrounded by it.

Earlier today Eric had invited the two of you to Otis’ ‘small gathering’ seeing as though you were friends with the both of them (thanks to maeve, you were kind of a package deal), and you’d of course agreed. Maeve had been a little more reluctant, telling Eric that she’d think about it before following the rest of the quiz heads, but you’d promised you’d try and talk to her, before running after her.

Everyone was well aware of the Otis, Maeve and Ola love triangle, everybody apart from the people who needed to know about it. But what everyone didn’t know, was that it should actually be a love square. You’d been in love with Maeve since the day you moved in next door. She was this badass girl that didn’t take shit from anyone and wasn’t afraid of anything, and you were in awe of her from the moment you saw her. And after she found you sitting alone on one of the hills just outside the trailer park, the two of you became instant friends, and you’d fallen in love with her more and more everyday.

“Jean is going to kill him.” You say as you look around the trashed living room.

“Definitely.” Eric agrees while the two of you watch Otis dance drunkly, his drink spilling on the floor as he did. Rahim hands the two of you a drink and you gladly take it, not nearly as drunk as you’d want to be. And definitely not as drunk as Otis is. He’d been drinking since you arrived, partly because of Eric, partly because of his nerves about throwing a ‘gathering’ and trying to win Ola back, but mostly because he was sad.

Maeve had arrived about an hour ago with some boy you recognized from the trailer park, Issac you think. Him and his brother had moved in a few days ago and they seemed alright, if not a bit cynical, but thats what Maeve seemed to like about them.

The two of you had hung out before the party and you’d managed to persuade her into coming, the two of you needed some fun after a rough couple of weeks and a party was exactly what you needed, even if it was at Otis Milburn’s house. You’d helped her pick her outfit (not that you were much help because she looks amazing in literally anything) before you left to get dressed yourself.

You came back over after you were dressed and greeted her mum politely before going to find her. She had tried backing out of the party when you found her sitting on the sofa, but you’d managed to persuade her again with the promise of a lot of alcohol and the chance to talk things over with Otis. They both needed to talk about what had happened between the two of them, and yeah it killed you to see your crush be in love with someone else but it killed you even more to see her so sad. You wanted everything to go back to normal before it got complicated with stupid feelings for stupid people.

You’ve seen Ola a few times, going into random rooms, but you hadn’t really paid that much attention to her, you were too busy trying to control Otis’ alcohol intake...not that he was listening to you as well as also keeping an eye on Maeve. She looks happy enough talking to Issac and so you decided to leave them to it for a bit, just while you babysat Otis until Eric came back from wherever he’d disappeared to.

However...

“Hey Otis.” Ola tries to catch his attention and your eyes widen. “Otis?”

“Oh god.” You mumble. You’d left the room to get yourself a drink and when you come back he’s talking to Maeve, with Ola not far behind the two of them. Both the girls don’t look very happy with him, however Issac looks very amused by his dancing, and at any other time, you would be too. But this is just a disaster waiting to happen. “Where’s Eric?” You ask Rahim as you look around the crowded room but can’t seem to find him anywhere.

“I’ve got my stuff, I’m leaving.” Ola tells him, an unimpressed look on her face as she holds her bag up.

“Okay. Bye Ola.” He waves her off but keeps looking at Maeve, a smug smile on his face and you curse.

“You invited her but not me?” She asks, looking at Maeve who rolls her eyes.

“No.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t invite her. Eric invited her without my knowledge. He invited Y/n too.” He points behind him at you and you smile awkwardly. “I didn’t want her here at all.” He says and Maeve’s eyebrows raise.

“Ouch.” You mumble and move to stand in between Maeve and Ola.

“I think I’m going to go too.” Maeve says annoyed and turns around to pick up her bag. You go to follow her but Otis stands in the way of the three of you, stopping you all from leaving.

“Maeve, Ola. Stay, please. Please stay.” He says. “I have something to tell you. I have something to tell both of you.” He puts his drink down and spins around. “I’m going to tell everyone because...I can.” He stumbles onto the sofa and you cringe at the situation happening in front of you. “Sorry Connor.” He mumbles. “Excuse me, everyone! Everyone, come and look at me. I have an announcement to make. Can we turn the music down? Um, I wanna say something...to my party guests.”

“Otis. Get down!” You say but he waves his arm around, completely ignoring you.

“Um, so, this is Ola. I don’t know if you know her. She’s well, quite little and...and funny, and interesting, and pretty, and she was my girlfriend, until she told me I can’t see Maeve anymore.” He says and your eyes widen, Maeve rolls her eyes again while Ola looks at the floor. “Now, we all know Maeve. Scary Maeve. You know, she’s not actually scary. She’s just pretending.” That is very true, he does have a point there and its one of the things you love most about her. “Anyway...Maeve told me that she liked me, okay? And I like Maeve. I like Maeve a lot, a lot more than I liked Ola.” He admits and everyone gasps.

“Otis. Otis, get off-” Eric tries but he continues anyway.

“But I was trying to be a good boyfriend, so I said to Maeve ‘sorry, i can’t see you anymore’. And then, Ola dumped me. Yeah, its confusing. I was confused. But I thought probably a good thing ‘cause I just really wanted to be with Maeve. And I didn’t really want to be with Ola, and then I realized, Maeve Wiley just likes playing with people’s feelings, and she doesn’t really care about anybody else. Like, she brought this...man with her-”

“Otis.” You warn, your fists clenched by your side. You’re not a violent person but right now Otis is making it very difficult to be nice.

“Yeah, anyway. So she brought this man. I don’t know, probably to make me jealous. Definitely didn’t work.”

“It definitely did.” Issac whispers.

“All in all, I think she’s probably the most selfish person I’ve ever met. And I think its good that I’m not going out with either of them because I think I deserve a whole lot more. Thank you for coming. Good night.” He starts clapping to himself while everyone whispers around him. “Not good night. Stay, enjoy yourselves. Music on, please!”

“You’re welcome to him.” Ola spits before walking out.

“What is her problem?” Otis slurs to himself.

“You’re an arsehole.” Maeve shoves past him making him stumble.

“Hey!” He calls after her, but quickly forgets everything he’s just said, his face lighting up when he see’s you. “Y/n! Are you enjoying the par-” You cut him off by punching him...hard, and a few people around you, including Ola and Maeve laugh in disbelief.

“You’re a real dickhead Otis Milburn!” You shove past him and catch up with Maeve, grabbing her hand which she gratefully takes. She’s staring at you completely shocked as the two of you walk out. Her hands shake as the two of you walk back home in a comfortable silence and you give her hand a reassuring squeeze every so often.

-----

“Why are boys such...” Maeve trails off as the two of you lie next to each other. When you got back to the trailer park you insisted on her staying at your house for the night so she wouldn’t have to deal with her mum and she gladly accepted your offer.

“Idiots?” You finish her sentence for her making her giggle and you blush softly.

“Well, that wasn’t the word I was going to use. But sure. Why are they such idiots?”

“I guess in this society, being male and an asshole makes them worthy of our time.” You reply making her laugh louder.

“You’ve really been spending too much time with me.”

“Like you could come up with something like that.” You scoff and she looks at you offended. “Its from 10 Things I Hate About You.”

“I love that movie.”

“I know you do.” You smile softly at her. “What Otis said, it wasn’t true, you know that right?” You ask and she sighs, turning to lie on her back. You do the same and the two of you stare at the ceiling, trying to make patterns out of the weird design on it.

“The more I think of it, the more I feel like he was right though.”

“What?” Your jaw drops. “How could you think that? Maeve, Otis was an arsehole back there, like you said. He’s just upset because nothing was going his way and he was being a child. You are the most selfless person I have ever met. I think you’re amazing and Otis should thank every god in existence that you’re in his life, because you’re really special. You’re amazing Maeve Wiley.”

“You’re just saying that.” She rolls her eyes as she plays with her fingers, something she does when she’s nervous.

“When do I ever just say something? Especially to you?” You raise a brow. “I don’t go around punching boys for just any reason. They have to really piss me off.”

“True.” She laughs. “Thank you for that. How’s your hand?”

“I think it’ll be fine.” You shrug and hold your hand up to try and see any bruises forming. After a few seconds of squinting you can make out a few dark bruises starting to appear making you smile to yourself. “If I were you I’d be more worried about Otis’ face.” You reply making her laugh loudly.

“Yeah, like thats going to happen.” She giggles and turns to look at you, however her laughter is replaced with a frown when she see’s the sad expression on your face. “Whats wrong?” She turns on her side.

“Do you still love him?” You ask and her breath hitches.

No, I love you. I love you. I love you. I. Love. You! She wants to scream it. She wants to shout it from rooftops and tell the entire world. I love you and its the best feeling ever.

“No.” She shakes her head softly.

“When did you stop?”

“A few months ago.”

“Why?” You ask.

“I fell for someone else.” She says, her voice barely above a whisper and you look down, refusing to make eye contact.

“Oh.”

“They’re really the best.” She says dreamily. “They’re always there for me, no matter what and I really can’t imagine my life without them.”

“I’m glad you’ve gotten over Otis.” You force a smile. “He didn’t deserve you.” You add and turn around quickly, facing the other side of the room. You don’t know its happening until its too late, and then you’re quietly crying because she seems to see everyone that isn’t you.

“Y/n?” She asks, unsure of what to say. “Please turn around.”

“Its getting late and we have school tomorrow.” You force out, your voice wobbling as you try to make it through and she sighs.

“Please.” She adds making you sigh and quickly wipe the tears from your face before turning to face her. You’re glad your bedroom is dark so she can’t see the tears staining your cheeks, even though you know she already knows. “Y/n?” She brushes a piece of her from your face and your eyes flicker to look at her. “Its you.” She whispers and leans in slowly, her lips brushing against yours softly before you close the gap, pressing your lips against hers. The kiss is slow and gentle as your hands tangle in her hair while her hand travels down to your waist, pulling you closer. “Its always been you.”

#sex education #sex education imagine #maeve wiley #maeve wiley imagine #maeve x reader

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lost-inyourwords · 4 years

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bad ideas can have good endings (Maeve Wiley x F!Reader)

Request: “Hey! if you are still taking requests could i please have a maeve x female reader where maeve gets outed by Otis when he’s drunk and tells everyone that she likes R? maybe angst with some fluff? Thank you!!!!!!!” @onehellagaykid

Warnings: minor angst, underage drinking, minor retching/vomit mentions

Word count: 1849

A/N: thank you so much for your request! I had such a blast writing this and I hope it’s everything you imagined :) feedback is mega appreciated and requests, as always, are open!

This party was a bad idea. Maeve knew it, Ola knew it, Otis had yet to figure it out and Eric was too busy inviting people to stop and think about it. As [Y/N] put on her outfit for the night, she was looking forward to the carnage that a party brings but there was dread in the back of her mind. What if she got too drunk and accidentally told an Untouchable to shove their million-pound attitude up their ass? What if she blacked out and ended up missing school? Who has a party on a Thursday anyway? Pushing her apprehensions to the back of her mind, she fastened her necklace; a simple silver chain with a small bee-shaped pendant.

“Where are you off to then?” Erin drawled once again. Maeve could swear she felt the headache arrive moment by moment, “Nowhere,” came the quick reply. The faster she got out of the caravan, the less questions she’d get. Erin, ever the supportive mum, scoffed dramatically. “Fine, don’t tell me. Is there at least a boy involved?” she pleaded. Fine, Maeve would indulge her for the 20 seconds she had left of lacing up a boot. “No, there isn’t. I keep trying to tell you that boys have never - and will never - be involved,” she reprimanded. Erin did her best not to look wounded but Maeve could tell there would be no further conversation. Pulling her tote over her shoulder, she left the caravan and waved ‘bye-bye’ to Elsie though the window. Turning toward the exit of the park, she sighed. This was a bad idea. She heard Isaac trying to taunt her again but decided she didn’t want to potentially get involved in an assault case, so she simply sped up and put her mind in a different place.

Otis Milburn is not what you would describe as a “frequent drinker”. In fact, many people wouldn’t describe him as a “drinker” in the first place - not even himself. This Otis, though, would say something very different. That is, of course, if he could get the words out without burping obscenely or choking back a bit of sick. Yes, Otis Milburn - sex kid, Moordale’s very own urban legend - was drunk. Not just drunk, but positively wasted. [Y/N] wondered if he thought this was a bad idea. She found Eric among the heaving crowd overtaking the house.

“What is he doing? I’ve never seen him like this,” she said, unable to contain the concern in her tone.

“Relax! He’s fine, just enjoying himself and letting loose a little. Speaking of which, can I get you a drink? You look so wound up,” he slurred slightly.

“Yeah, alright. Just a cider or something though, I have to walk home after this,” she replied, conceding that she was a little high-strung by the stressful week behind her. Maeve had come back to school. Yes, Maeve, the one and only girl who had ever made [Y/N] think about love outside of the fairytale bubble containing a white picket fence and 3 kids whom all look too similar to truly pick a favourite. That word hadn’t even been in her vocabulary until she came to high school and met the smartest person she knows. She’d read so many great books thanks to the once pink-haired rebel. Had enjoyed so many hours of amazing music both with her and because of her. She’d been devastated last term when everything went down with Sean. She’d sounded so sad over the phone. They’d tried to keep in touch but there was only so much that they could do until the horrible drift happened. [Y/N] would actively avoid the pretzel shop at the local shopping centre because she knew that she wouldn’t be able to hold back her pity. Despite how strongly Maeve carried herself, [Y/N] knew what happened behind closed doors. The breakdowns, the empty laughs, the glazed over eyes at 2am when sleep evaded her. Besides, [Y/N] had started talking to Otis after Maeve disappeared. He’d confessed about how sorry he felt for the way things ended and all he wanted was to see her again one more time to just apologise and tell her how proud he was of her. It was sweet. Perhaps he was thinking about that right now and needed alcohol to numb the pain. Maeve had just strolled in the door, after all.

Upon stepping foot inside, Maeve recognised that this party was already a disaster. Not 30 seconds had passed before she saw multiple people drunk off their faces and at least one person puking in a bin. Charming. Eyes scanning the crowd, her gaze fell lovingly upon the makeshift bar in the kitchen, which she made a quick beeline towards. Pouring a too-strong drink, she let herself drift. She didn’t need to think tonight; maybe she’d let herself get blackout drunk for once. Losing control could be good. Feelings were too complicated anyways; especially those involving other people. Like [Y/N]. Especially [Y/N]. Maeve’s thoughts and dreams had been overtaken by visions of the girl; from daydreaming about going on cheesy dates to nights spent dreaming about… more inappropriate activities. She longed to feel [Y/N]’s hand in her own, to kiss her in the morning at school, even to watch her fall apart underneath her when she finally gives her what she begged so sweetly for. Having gotten lost in her own thoughts again, her eyes drifted towards [Y/N] and Eric, standing next to someone hunched over a bin. Again, she contemplated, charming.

Otis retched once again, the sound ripping through [Y/N]’s ears despite the blasting music flooding the house. Eric tutted softly.

“You are such a lightweight, man. How can you not even hold down a shot?” He pleaded, clearly exasperated. Rahim seemed to apparate out of thin air and dragged him away with nothing but a suggestive look that he hoped [Y/N] didn’t see. She did, but elected to ignore it. If there was anything she wanted to avoid tonight, it would be a horny and impatient Eric without his best friend by his side. Otis finally straightened up from his shameful hunch over the bin and swiftly headed back to the kitchen for a refill. Would he ever learn? She decided not to think about that and instead let her eyes scan her surroundings. So many teenagers - so many insecurities in one room. How many of them were getting completely wasted to forget about their feelings or their home life? How many were looking for a random hookup just so they could brag to their friends about losing their virginity? She silently hoped that Maeve didn’t fall into that last category.

Maeve pounded her second shot. “Fuck it,” she murmured to herself. Making her way across the room to where [Y/N] stood, a wave of confidence flowed through her. Even though she knew that was simply her blood flowing faster due to the booze, she still felt empowered. She was finally going to do it. After a year of looking away right before she got caught staring, a year of daydreaming, a year of pining, she’d finally let her true feelings be known.

Otis had poured his fifth drink for the night and set his sights for [Y/N]. He needed to apologise. He didn’t know what for, but [Y/N] had such a sad look in her eyes some days - Otis definitely knew it was somehow his fault. Swishing the plastic cup in his right hand, he contemplated what he would say before getting to her. His train of thought was interrupted when he felt the sharp-smelling liquor splash and land on his shirt. He turned rapidly, ready to throw venomous words at whatever clumsy asshole wasn’t watching their step, but his sentiments died quickly in his throat when he saw Maeve’s brown locks. She swivelled on the spot. Paused for a beat too long.

“...Oh. Hey, dickhead,” she said, straight-faced and terrifying as ever.

“Hey. Wa- watch… where you’re going, maybe?” Otis replied, bold, and suddenly really feeling that fourth shot.

“Yeah, sorry,” she brushed him off and tried to continue on her way to [Y/N].

“HEY! Don’t walk away,” he shouted, unfortunately loud enough to catch the attention of pretty much everyone downstairs.

Shit. Why was he trying to make a scene? Is this just what he’s like when he drinks? No-one should have ever let him near any alcohol in the first place. God, she could punch him right now.

“Sorry, Otis. Do you have something to say?” she spat, quickly losing her nerve.

“Yeah. Yeah, I do. I’m sorry, okay? I’m- I-” he stuttered, retching a little.

“Go on then, spit it out!” someone yelled before turning the music down. Oh great, Maeve thought. So we’re involving everyone in this then?

“I’m sorry about all the shit that went down with you and Jackson last term. I’m sorry you have to live alone and all your family left. And I’m sorry that.. that you’re in love with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. Trust me, I know the feeling, Maeve,” he finished, his eyes landing directly on [Y/N]. She backed away slowly, her eyes never leaving Maeve’s, and disappeared upstairs.

Maeve could feel tears forming in her eyes. The quicker she found [Y/N], the better.

“I hope you’re proud of yourself, Otis. Oh and by the way, I’m sorry that you can’t wank or hold a girlfriend down for longer than six months,” she uttered, before running after [Y/N].

Maeve eventually found [Y/N] in the bathroom after very unfortunately stumbling upon Eric and Rahim’s… activities in Otis’ bedroom. She’d never closed a door so fast in her life. Sitting opposite her on the floor, [Y/N] took a deep breath.

“So… is it true?” she asked. No point beating around the bush. Either she denies it and they continue this weird song and dance or this ends happily ever after.

“Is what true?” Maeve parrotted. This wasn’t happening. [Y/N] forced out a huff.

“Fine. If that’s what you want to do, then there’s no point of me being here. I’m leaving,” she snapped. She didn’t need any more bullshit tonight. Anger flared through her as she stood and made for the door.

“Wait!” Maeve called out, reaching the door before [Y/N] and putting her weight against it. “Look, I’m sorry, alright? It is true. I… I have feelings for you. It’s really hard because I know you’d never feel the same so I’m sorry that he embarrassed you like that, I’m gonna go kick his arse-” she rambled before being cut off by [Y/N]’s lips on her own.

“Shut up,” she mumbled against them. “I like you too, alright? Have for a while. Been thinking about doing this for a while, too,” she confirmed.

“Me too,” Maeve said, pulling away slightly. “Can I kiss you again?” she asked softly. Turning them around so that [Y/N] was backing her up against the wall, she replied, “Of course”.

#sex ed #sex education s2 #sex education #sex education fluff #maeve wiley #maeve wiley x reader #female reader #fanfiction #otis milburn #sex education netflix #requests are open #maeve wiley fanfic

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bobbyboops · 4 years

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Broken Pieces

Hello to this beautiful community! I hope you are all having a great Wednesday! I have written my first ever fanfic. It is an angsty piece about Bobby x MC. Give it a read if you are so inclined! I am also including a link to the playlist I made to go along with it. I hope you all enjoy! https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/broken-pieces/pl.u-r2yBDkqsAV9rDA

Bobby walked into his Hotel room, fresh tears still streaming down his delicate freckles. He had just been voted off of Love Island, and subsequently lost the only girl who had meant something to him in a long time. He closed the door behind him, and was met by complete silence. Something that he hadn’t really experienced in the last 29 days, and something that scared him more than anything because there was absolutely nothing to distract him from the waves of grief that he had been able to hold mostly at bay over the last 2 weeks, but that were crashing down unrelentingly now. He took off his shoes and sat down on the king sized bed cradling his head in his hands. He closed his eyes and once again replayed the last 4 weeks in his mind. Trying to piece together for the millionth time just what had gone so terribly wrong. How he had let his soulmate slip so easily from his hands.

POV: Bobby

I knew early on she was so much more than just a crush. She was my dream girl. Of course she was beautiful to look at, but I was all too familiar with the fact that beauty was only skin deep, and often (though not always) the most beautiful girls on the outside are the ugliest on the inside. The most beautiful thing about MC was her personality, she had banter for days, she treated everyone in the house with love and respect, and when tensions were high she was there putting out all of the little fires around the villa. Best of all she never made me feel like I was a nuisance, she was always up for a chat, or one of my stupid pranks. She never made me feel like I was inferior to the rest of the guys (which I could see I clearly was.) How was it possible that a girl as perfect as her could see parts of me that I had kept so perfectly hidden? She made it so easy to bring down my walls, but at the same time made me want to build them up higher because there was just no way it could be real. I was preparing myself mentally for her to walk away at any time.

I could tell she was feeling a little bit skittish after what Rocco had done to Lottie, she had told me on our date in the vineyard that she was worried it was going to happen to her. She confessed to me that she had been burned in the past, and I could tell there was more to the story, but I didn’t want to push her to tell me before she was ready. Getting called out as the biggest player of the season hadn’t been the best way to instill faith in my character, and I had only made everything worse by playing up to it. I thought everyone would find it as absurd as I had, and therefore joking about it would solve the problem, but I could see MC was clearly feeling anxious about it all. I was almost certain I had blown it, and honestly I wouldn't have blamed her, as someone who had been blindsided and hurt so many times in the past I probably would have understood better than anyone. But for some reason she had still chosen to continue getting to know me, much to my relief.

That relief was short lived though as I could see Lucas wasn’t ready to give up on the chase. I could see him staring at MC all the time, his eyes following her like a predator tracking its prey everywhere she went. MC had never shown much interest in him… at least not in front of me. But at the next re-coupling he stood up and called her name. She wandered over to me first, offering me some reassurance, but I was slowly starting to unravel.

Waking up the next morning to her angelic face letting me know that the girls were going away had only made everything worse. I hadn’t had the chance to have a talk with her and get an idea about where her head was at. Obviously she still fancied me at least a little if she was willing to wake me up and say a private goodbye… right? But what if her head was at least starting to be turned? As she made her way out to the jeeps waiting below it dawned on me that they were most likely headed to Casa Amor. A chill ran down my spine, and I ran down the stairs trying to catch them before they left. I wanted to make sure she would know that I was going to be waiting patiently by the door until their return. That I would be waiting for her, but as I opened my mouth, Lottie slammed the door and the jeeps pulled away, and my cracks were beginning to show.

I couldn’t control my anxiety after she came back from Casa Amor. Though she had shown up single, and she had been so reassuring that first night back even suggesting we couple back up, I was immediately on self destruct mode. I had asked Lottie to share a bed that first night, and I still can’t work out what possessed me to utter that invitation. Seeing the immediate hurt spread across MC’s perfect face kept me up the entire night. Even though Lottie had ultimately turned me down, I knew I had just sewn another seed of doubt in MC’s already cautious mind. I could feel her slipping away, and my anxiety was the driving wedge pulling us farther apart. I just couldn’t pull myself out of it. I had avoided her for most of the next day, I didn’t know what to say, and I was worried I would say something to further damage our relationship.

Later that evening instead of being able to couple up with her, we were forced to save other islanders. She chose to save Lucas, which had only made me spiral further, and wonder if there was more than meets the eye. Maybe Lucas hadn’t been lying when he said that MC had shown interest in him. I had lunged at him at the time, only to be grabbed by Noah and Lucas by Rahim. My head had been such a mess between the guilt I felt over operation NOPE, knowing that had been the catalyst to the disaster recoupling. Also knowing that Lucas was going full force for my girl. I’m not an idiot, I know how dangerous he is in this game. He is the epitome of everything most girls are looking for. Well mannered, successful, good looking with that slight bad boy vibe that seems to bring girls to their knees. I knew I paled in comparison. I am a goofball, poor, and average looking at best. MC had never seemed interested, but maybe she had just been trying to spare my feelings. Maybe I was really just her “pity case and safe choice” as Lucas had so generously pointed out.

The next morning I woke up and asked for a volunteer to help with breakfast, hoping against hope that MC would volunteer, but Lottie’s hand shot up so fast that MC didn’t even get the chance. I tried to not show the disappointment that was exploding out of my chest. MC looked slightly annoyed, but Lottie was always so hot tempered, and didn’t take well to not getting her way. I just didn’t want to get into it this early in the morning, so I wasn’t going to tell her no.

Lottie announced MC entering the kitchen, and I turned around just in time to see MC saunter into the kitchen wearing a leopard print bikini. My heart was hammering out of my chest, and I could barely think straight. “I’m bound to be hit with a sugar rush soon, because that look is so sweet.” Damn that was a lame compliment, but MC took it gratefully. I offered her some pancakes, and Lottie covered them with maple syrup in the shape of a pentagram. MC quickly stuffed a giant bite into her mouth and hummed her approval.

“Bobby, this is delicious. What has inspired all this then?” She said with that dazzling smile of hers.

“I think we all deserve it, and I’m feeling really optimistic.” I replied.

She went on to compliment me by saying the thought what Lottie and I did for Noah and Hope the night before was sweet. I rattled something off about them being the real deal, which I didn’t believe fully. Noah had been insufferable the whole time the girls were at Casa Amor, and Lottie had already saved him. I honestly couldn’t fathom having to spend the rest of the summer with a dark cloud of a pouting Noah around. If my pal enjoyed life on a leash who was I to say otherwise? I had already tried and failed to save him once.

“It will be totally worth it if Noah and Hope get to re-couple, and everyone else is perfectly matched up.”

I wanted to retract the words as soon as they had escaped my lips. Why did I say something so stupid? I saw the confusion and hurt spread across MC and Lottie’s faces.

“Really? What makes you say that?” MC asked with a shaky voice.

“It’s obvious Gary picked Chelsea because he fancies the pants off her.”

Dammit this word vomit that comes when I am feeling anxious and insecure is just digging my grave. I was silently hoping MC would say something, anything just to show me that maybe I still had a fighting chance, but I knew I had just planted the final seed of doubt in MC’s mind. She would never let her guard down at this point. I just had to open my big mouth.

I thought about just swallowing what little pride I had left and try to fix what I had just broken. Let MC know that she was the only girl I had fancied at all this whole time. Tell her that I was falling in love with her but I was terrified I was never going to be enough to keep her. But just as soon as I went to open my mouth Lottie all but tackled me to the ground trying to get to the sink. She was clearly pissed off by my comments about Gary, and when I looked up MC was gone.

I knew then that I had just screwed myself over, I had lost my chance. But if she could be happy with Lucas I couldn’t stand in her way… right? My anxiety was crashing down hard, and my heart couldn’t bear a rejection at this point, not from her. I had successfully friend zoned myself again, resigned myself to live in my own personal Hell and watch the girl that I had fallen head over heels in love with slip from my grasp and into the arms of a man who was never going to love and appreciate her the way I did. And I knew I had no one to blame but myself.

The last week had been utter torture, watching Lucas and MC get closer. Looking through the window of the villa I could see his hands massage her shoulders in the kitchen as she made dinner, I couldn’t peel my eyes away as he kissed her gorgeous full lips. I was drinking shot after shot, just trying to ease my pain.

I couldn’t help myself during my toast, I had already downed too many drinks and my judgment went out the window. I let it slip that Lucas was a lucky man, and MC deserved better. MC had given me a quizzical look, but I was too much of a coward to just admit that being apart was killing me.

Next a new batch of hyenas entered the villa and caused so much unnecessary drama. I knew MC was stuck in the middle of it, because none of the other girls cared enough about anyone other than themselves and it killed me. When I offered to help the girls all yelled at me to get out. I was barely holding it together, and all this fighting was just making everything so much worse. I was desperately trying to hold off the panic attack that I could feel creeping it’s way in. Eventually I found myself by the pool, looking blankly off into the distance and trying to focus on my breathing as the girls screeched at each other in the background.

Finally by some miracle silence fell across the villa, and my ragged breathing began to even out. At least until I heard her soft voice ask if she could join me. She kicked her shoes off, and dipped her feet into the pool. A few strands of her hair tickled against my cheek as a gust of wind made its way through the villa bringing her familiar scent to my nostrils. She was so close to me, and I was struggling to think straight.

I was so grateful for her company, and she had such a calming presence as she reassured me that nothing was my fault, encouraged me to just have some fun. She reached her delicate hand into the pool and splashed me, shaking my head like a puppy I reached down to splash her back. My heart swelled to think she still at least cared about me enough to come try and fix my problems. I told her that she meant a lot to me, which almost made her look sad, but only for a moment. A warm smile quickly etched across her face, and the closeness and familiarity of having her near was putting all sorts of bad thoughts into my mind. Dangerous thoughts. I quickly excused myself, and left her sitting by the pool. She seemed off, but I figured it was probably just all of the fighting getting to her, and as much as I wanted to be the one to fix it for her I just didn’t trust myself to be around her for an extended period of time. I had already ruined our relationship, I didn’t want to jeopardize our friendship as well. I couldn’t lose her, not completely.

Lucas chose her at the next re-coupling, Hannah and Henrik re-entered the Villa. Days were starting to blur together. Everyday moving incredibly slow and painful. Finally the final nail in my coffin, watching MC call out Lucas’ name in the final re-coupling. I felt numb inside, I had always been Good at hiding my emotions, tamping them down until I just felt empty inside. That and humor had been my defense mechanisms pretty much my whole life, but no matter how hard I tried my feelings refused to be numbed. It felt like I was bleeding out, but incredibly slowly like death by 1000 cuts.

Hannah chose me, and I tried my best to seem enthusiastic, but this new version of Hannah was even worse than the original. She was clearly here with a game plan, and that was to stir up more drama, get her petty revenge on Lottie, and then play savior when she “was a good friend” and picked her consolation prize in me. I was hoping and praying we would be the next couple out. I wanted so bad to just go home and lick my wounds in peace, but unfortunately Marisol and Graham were first followed by Jo and Ibrahim. How long was I going to have to endure this?

Finally this morning we had found out we were going to be having a Prom. Hannah had volunteered MC to help me write my speech for her, and to my complete surprise MC accepted. This was the closest contact we had had in days and my whole body felt like it was on fire. I was struggling to keep myself in check, she looked so gorgeous, and I just wanted to grab her and kiss her with everything I had. Everything felt awkward, I didn’t know how to behave, and clearly she didn’t either. When I finally made eye contact, her eyes looked so tired, and hollow. All of her playfulness was gone, I couldn’t for the life of me figure out what was wrong. Didn’t she get exactly what she wanted?

I was so busy trying to figure out what was wrong with MC that my speech was utter rubbish. Every suggestion I made was wrong, and I just couldn’t bring myself to care. All I cared about was MC and trying to figure out what had taken away that signature sparkle out of her eyes. She and Lucas seemed to be getting along well, Lucas sure liked to lay it on thick, and MC seemed grateful for the attention. Maybe there was more girl drama? I couldn’t put my finger on what could have made that beautiful smile leave her face. I longed to see her eyes crinkle as she smiled, hear that beautiful laugh escape her perfect lips, and more than anything I wanted to be the guy that made her do it, but I knew I had to let her go. Let her be happy. Even if it wasn’t with me.

Later that evening she came out wearing a beautiful white gown with glittery cutouts all over her torso, and beautifully deep cut to see her perfect chest on display. I could barely breathe. I met her eyes for a moment and smiled before we both looked away. Hannah had given me a death glare so many times because she always caught me staring but I honestly didn’t care.I spent the entire evening downing drink after drink, anything that I thought could numb the pain of watching Lucas’ hands hold so tight to the love of my life. But nothing helped.

Finally we gathered around the fire pit, I was praying they would vote us out. Please God let them send us home. I can’t fathom another night of sharing a bed with Hannah, watching Lucas curl around MC, and pretending that I wasn’t dying inside. The votes came back and by some miracle we were on the chopping block. After 20 minutes of painful deliberation the text came in and it was announced that Hannah and I had been voted out. Relief flooded through me like a tsunami. Finally I was being set free. MC made a b-line directly for me. Throwing her arms around me “I’m going to miss you so much!” “Me too” was all I could mutter. Hannah had asked MC to help her pack. I was desperately hoping she would come help me, so I could say my final goodbye in private, keep some form of dignity, but MC followed Hannah into the dressing room.

We finally made our way outside, and Hannah chided me about only having 10 pairs of boxers to pack after I joked about her taking so long packing. I couldn’t imagine she had that much to pack either… She hadn’t been here that long… Just saying. I couldn’t focus on her speech at all, and honestly I didn’t really care to hear what she had to say. I was desperate for MC to know the truth, and I just knew I had to rip the bandaid off. I knew it was selfish, that I should just let her go, let her be happy. But all rational thought went out the window, and I prepared to let the word vomit ensue.

Tears had already began stinging my eyes as I started my speech. MC was avoiding my gaze, but I had to get this off my chest if I was ever going to recover from this.

“I didn’t find love here, or at least couldn’t hold on to it.” Her eyes shot up to mine in complete shock, and I maintained that eye contact.

“If it could have been anyone, it would have been you.” I leaned in close, resting my hand on her shoulder. “Do me a favor… Win.” Her eyes searched mine for answers I didn’t have the strength to give her, but before she could open her mouth to respond I grabbed the handle of my suitcase and I walked away. I was too much of a coward to let her reject me to my face.

The entire car ride over to the Hotel had been painful, Hannah was furiously raging at me for outing my feelings. She dumped me right on the spot, which was honestly a relief. I didn’t have it in me to let her down gently.

Which brings us back to where we began. I had to stop thinking about this. I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out why I could never be enough. I had clearly been sitting here for a while. I looked at the clock beside the bed. 3:30 AM I got up stretching. I walked over to the window, looking down at the mostly empty streets below me. Wondering what MC was doing, was she awake like me? Did she even care anymore?

I decided to take a hot shower, trying but failing to clear my head of this whole mess. A mess I had created because I was too afraid to be honest with the girl I loved. I had let my insecurities and anxiety drive away the one thing I wanted to hold on to more than anything. I put on my favorite pair of doughnut boxers and flopped down on the bed flipping through the channels until I found the food network. Cupcake wars was on, it had always been one of my favorite shows but I just laid there. Heartbroken, and alone. I must have fell into an uneasy sleep sometime after 5, but I was awoken by a faint knock on my door around 6:30 AM.

POV: MC

The last 2 weeks had been torture. I came back from Casa Amor and hoped against hope that my perfect baker boy was still single. When he walked out of the Villa I let out a breath that I didn’t know I had been holding. My heart burst out of my chest, and we both just sat there beaming at each other. I honestly didn’t care at all when Lucas walked out with that bitch Blake. I couldn’t have cared less, they honestly probably better suited each other.

Lucas was attractive, and definitely the kind of guy that every girl dreams of taking home to her parents. A successful doctor, smart, polished. But I just didn’t have much of a spark with the guy, and he honestly kind of rubbed me the wrong way sometimes. He was selfish and calculating. Even if there was a physical attraction there, I knew it would never work out with him long term. He would grow tired of my peacemaking, and careful heart. My sense of humor would annoy him no doubt, and he was just so… posh. I didn’t feel like I could be 100% myself with the guy.

I had dated boys like that before, but I didn’t like the way they made me feel about myself, like somehow what I brought to the table was just never enough. Boys had always gravitated towards me because of my looks, but usually never stuck around for long. I had been cheated on so many times, and the ones that didn’t cheat always made me feel like they were doing me a favor by sticking around, or tried to change me. I had such a hard time letting down my walls, but with Bobby it was so easy. He would smile at me and suddenly it was like I had never been hurt before. I just wanted a partner that would laugh through life with me, and appreciate me for what I am. Someone who cares deeply about the well being of those around me, who doesn’t take life too seriously, has a silly sense of humor, and just wants everyone to get along. Just once I want to love someone, and have them love me back wholeheartedly and I thought I had finally found that in him.

When I finally got Bobby alone that night I was so excited and thought we were on the same page! He seemed so genuinely happy when I suggested we couple back up, but then that night he asked Lottie to share a bed. I was taken aback, and honestly a little hurt. I thought we were both feeling what I was feeling. Fear and doubt started to trickle into my mind… He had been called out for being the biggest player of the season. Was he just using me? Did he just want to string me along, while still exploring his other options? I couldn’t make sense of anything. He had avoided me pretty much the whole next day, barely speaking to me.

Then that night we were forced to couple up with someone to save them. Lottie immediately took Noah leaving me with the choice of Jakub, who honestly I would rather die than couple up with that laundry sack full of meat. Elijah, who was so insufferable. He talked about himself nonstop and refused to accept the fact that he was a hairstylist, not America’s next top model. If I thought Chelsea actually fancied him I would have saved him on her behalf, but I knew her bringing him back was purely because of the comments Gary had made on the video package we received. Finally Lucas, he certainly seemed like the least terrible option, but I wasn’t really thrilled to be honest. I explained to Lucas that we were partnering up purely on a friendship basis, which he seemed bummed about, but I wasn’t ready to shut the door on Bobby.

The next morning Bobby said he was going to make pancakes and was looking for someone to accompany him. I was ready to volunteer when Lottie’s hand shot out of the duvet, I know she didn’t mean to get in the way, but I was annoyed to say the least. He was already borrowing lip balm from her… am I missing something there? Maybe they are each others back up plan? Lottie had been so stuck on Gary, but maybe she wanted some form of security. She had always seemed more into Gary than he was in to her, and now Gary was partnered up with Chelsea. I tried to shake off the fear, but I just needed some form of reassurance. Bobby could be really hard to read sometimes, between him constantly pushing me to go on dates with the other guys, to barely batting his eyelashes at guys blatantly hitting on me in front of him. I thought we had moved passed all of that, and that we were in a really good place, at least until Lucas came out of nowhere and picked me in the disaster re-coupling… But there was always that nagging feeling in the back of my mind that maybe he just saw me as a summer romance at best, and at worst a place holder until someone he actually fancied walked in.

As I entered the kitchen he spun around to greet me, and immediately complimented me, as he always did. He was so good about that. It felt like we were maybe getting back to normal. But then I complimented him and Lottie on saving Hope and Noah, and he responded by saying he thought everyone was perfectly matched up. When I asked why he felt that way he just said something about Gary fancying the pants off Chelsea. My heart sank, I knew it, I knew he had been trying to politely tell me that he was not interested in continuing whatever relationship we were building. How could I be so blind? The signs had been there all along. He was just too nice to tell me to my face that he just didn’t feel the same way. Lottie was furious and on the war path, but I couldn’t be the one to fix it not this time. My heart was breaking, the boy I was in love with didn’t feel the same way, I had come up short yet again. I gathered what little pride I had left, and exited the kitchen as fast as I could.

I had learned long ago to never let them see you cry, so I sulked away to go cry in the bathroom. The hard thing about being such a tenderhearted person is that you care about everyone around you and you will do everything in your power to fix something for somebody else, but often times people just don't reciprocate the sentiment, and you are often left to lick your wounds alone.

I decided to try and make a go of things with Lucas, he seemed eager to make things work, and I was eager to forget about Bobby. I didn’t want to hurt anymore, but the harder I tried to make things work with Lucas, the more Bobby was on my mind. I wanted to hate him, I wanted to feel anything other than longing. I threw myself into the mercy of all the drama in the house, these new girls were closer to feral cats than women. I had zero interest in being friends with them, but the constant fighting was really getting to me. I was suffering enough, I just couldn’t bear the dumpster fire that the villa had become with all the fighting.

Eventually I found myself by the pool with a downcast Bobby. He was sitting there looking like an abandoned puppy. Like me he gets stressed out by all of the contention. He was blaming himself for everything which just made no sense. The girls had practically hissed at him when he was just trying to help. I tried to pull him out of his head by splashing him with water. A surprised smile crossed his face, and his smile could light up the whole villa. He splashed me back, and told me he was grateful that I came to check on him, that our chat meant a lot to him, and that I meant a lot to him too. I knew better than to get my hopes up, that he just meant as a friend. I tried to keep my composure, giving him a small smile, but whatever bandaid I had managed put over my heart had been ripped off all over again, and all that remained was the fresh raw wound. He looked me in the eyes one last time, and I desperately wanted to throw myself in his arms. Kiss every square inch of his beautiful face, but he got up and excused himself quickly. Once again I found myself crying alone under the cloak of night but this time Chelsea found me. She didn’t ask any questions. I think she already knew the answer anyway. She just held me, and let me cry.

Henrik and Hannah re-entered the villa. Henrik had been such a nice boy, granted I had never shown any interest in him before because I was set on Bobby. But he did bring a certain puppy like energy to the Villa, and it was nice to feel sincerely pursued by someone, but I could never cheat on Lucas. I have always been a loyal person, and my heart honestly just wasn’t in it anymore.

At the final re-coupling I stood up at the fire pit, and announced Lucas as my choice. Hannah announced that Bobby was hers. I tried not to wince as she announced that she was just “being a good friend.” Like somehow Bobby was just some consolation prize. He deserved more than that How dare she make him feel like he wasn’t a worthy companion. Lucas pulled me in for a cuddle and told me he was so happy I picked him. I smiled but didn’t even bother to respond. We only had to get through the next few days, and then time and distance would eventually pull us apart, and I would be able to properly grieve without the constant fear of being caught, and without having to see the ghost of once was strolling through the villa on a daily basis. I was going through the motions at best, but luckily I learned to hide my emotions pretty well. Lucas honestly didn’t seem to care, I think he saw me as a ticket to 50,000k more so than a real prospect.

The baby challenge was such a mess. I have always loved children, and always pictured being a mother. Lucas however turned out to be the biggest diva about it. He whined and complained the entire day, which it’s fine if you don’t see yourself with children. I wasn’t asking him to knock me up, but it was a challenge. I saw Bobby playing with Dale across the pool having so much fun as he tossed him in the air. I stifled a laugh as Bobby attempted a trick shot with the poor doll and ended up on the ground with Dale crashing down after him. My mind betrayed me thinking about how much fun we could have together during this challenge. Thinking about having children of our own. Remembering the time when we ended up on the floor after a make out session and he told me it was something to “embarrass the grand kids with.” It took everything inside of me to push those thoughts out of my mind. He wasn’t mine to fantasize about, not anymore.

Then this morning we were woken up with a text announcing that tonight would be prom. The girls were all excited about the thought of picking out new gowns, and dancing around with their partners. I tried my best to be excited too, but my mind was always halfway out the door these days. When we got the text announcing that we would be writing speeches about our partners, I honestly didn’t even know what to say. I liked Lucas as a person. I could see myself being friends with him after this maybe, but it felt so hollow to say that now.

I wrote my speech as quickly as possible just wanting to escape when Bobby entered the room looking for help. Hannah quickly volunteered me to help him, and I couldn’t help myself. I hadn’t been close to him in days, and I longed for his calm and comfort so I agreed. As we entered the roof terrace I could tell he was so uncomfortable, neither of us knew what to say. He rambled off his ideas for his speech and nothing made sense. It was like he had never met Hannah before. He had seemed excited when she picked him, but looking at him now he just seemed like a caged animal. The happy go lucky boy I had known was no where in sight, his signature smirk was gone, his bright eyes seemed dull, and it seemed like he couldn’t wait to get away from me, but at the same time longed to stay. I didn’t understand why he was so determined to keep me at arms length.

When I came down in my dress I saw Bobby’s eyes on me, but he quickly looked away, and so did I. He looked strait out of a Miami Vice episode, his outfit was so fitting for him. I chuckled to myself thinking about all of the banter we could have been bouncing off of each other, and I couldn’t help but notice how handsome he looked. Lucas had gotten a bit snippy though when he caught me staring. Then when we were by the fire pit it was announced that Bobby and Hannah, and Lottie and Gary were up to be eliminated, Lucas knew exactly who he wanted gone. Bobby and Hannah. He rattled off his reasons, and as much as I hated it, I knew the next day would be easier for me if Bobby wasn’t here. When the text came through Bobby looked so relieved. I once again couldn’t control myself and I ran into his arms. Hannah asked me to come help her pack, I was genuinely surprised by that because I had never really considered the girl as a friend, and even though I wanted to go with Bobby I felt like I couldn’t say no and trudged into the dressing room behind Hannah.

Once we got out front Hannah spat her annoyance at Bobby because he made a joke about her taking too long. I was instantly annoyed. She didn’t have that much to pack either… she had only been here for like 4 days. She was just busy playing the victim with her whoa is me act. Hannah would never appreciate him for who he was, and he deserved to have someone who saw the real him, and love every inch of him.

When it came time for his farewell speech I couldn’t even look at him. Tears were already starting to stream out of my eyes, and I was fighting a losing battle trying to keep it to a trickle and not a full blown flood. But then he said “I didn’t find love here, or at least I couldn’t hold on to it.” and my eyes shot up to find his eyes fixed on mine. “If it could have been anyone, it would have been you.” He leaned in close and whispered. “Do me a favor… win.” I thought I must have imagined it, that I had finally gone completely crazy. I stood there with my mouth agape like a fish but there was no mistaking it, he had looked me right in the eyes and laid it all out. My mind was reeling, but I didn’t even have time to respond at all before he grabbed his suitcase and made his way to the SUV waiting.

Nothing made sense, what did he mean?! He had all but told me he didn’t want me… right? He always seemed so chill and easy going about everything. Nothing ever seemed to phase him. Had it been possible that he was feeling every bit as insecure as I had? That we were both too hurt and scared from our pasts to give each other the reassurance that we both needed? Everyone made their way back into the house like Bobby hadn’t just dropped a whole ass bomb on his way out. Chelsea and Gary both gave me sympathetic looks as Lucas led me back into the villa.

I got ready for bed, but I just couldn’t make sense of anything. Lucas had tried to start something with me, but I told him I was exhausted, which was true, but I knew I wouldn’t be falling asleep anytime soon. I laid there awake for hours the ceiling turning into a projector in my mind as I watched our entire relationship play out like it was an old re-run of a tv show. Analyzing every little detail.

Around 3:30 AM I got up and quietly made my way to the producers room to wake them. I knew what I had to do. I explained to them that I wished to leave, that I had to go after Bobby. They tried for an hour to talk me out of it, “its the last day MC!” “He will be here tonight. Confront him then.” But I just couldn’t wait that long. I demanded they let me go and finally they begrudgingly relented. Next I had to break the news to Lucas. I silently wandered over to his side of the bed and woke him up asking if we could talk out on the couches. I knew he would not take it well, and I was right. He was furious, his face turned beet red, and he hurled all of his anger at me.

“Are you serious MC? How could you do this to me, to us? You are going to abandon everything that we have built together to chase after that.. that. Loser!?” He was waving his arms like a madman. “I mean it makes no sense! I can offer you the world MC, and you know that! What does he have to offer? Cupcakes and jokes?” The insults left his mouth like snake venom.

“How dare you!” I snarled back at him. Feeling brave for possibly the first time in my life. “Bobby is kind, funny, loving, loyal, and he cares about the people around him! There is so much of Bobby that no one in this house has seen, because they never put in the effort to see it.“ I was in his face at this point. “I don’t think you are honestly even mad about losing me, if you are mad about anything its about losing to him… why? Because you are so much better than him right? Or are you just upset about the fact that you definitely won’t be winning the 50,000 now?”

Lucas looked taken aback by my sudden outburst, I think he had expected me to recoil. But I was honestly so tired of listening to everyone in this damn villa talk about Bobby like he was some joke.

Retreating Lucas coldly responded with “How could you be so selfish?”

I knew I was being selfish, but for the first time in my life I was absolutely OK with it. I knew in my heart I was making the right decision for me. “I’m so sorry Lucas, truly. I never wanted to hurt you. I just know if I don’t follow him now I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

“So you have made up your mind then? You are just going to walk away?” He looked at me exasperated. “Well I can’t wait to see this blow up in your face MC.” There was an animalistic spark in his eyes. He had me right where he wanted me, and he was ready to go in for the kill. “Because he doesn’t really want you, you know that right? He’s just looking for the next best opportunity for himself. Leaving as the heartbroken goofball makes for great television doesn’t it?” He practically spat at me. A self satisfied smirk spreading across his face. “If he wanted you he would have said so any time in the last 2 weeks, not as he was leaving like some coward. You are just making a fool of yourself.”

My word that man knew how to pack an emotional punch. I felt all of the air leave my lungs. I knew he was hurting, lashing out with words he didn’t really mean, or maybe he did. But I knew I didn’t deserve what had just been thrown at me. Tears were streaming down my face, there was no stopping the flood gates once they had opened. I did the only thing I knew how to do. Run.

I ran up the stairs into the dressing room dumping all of my possessions in to my suitcase as quickly as I could. With all of the fuss Lucas was causing everyone else was awoken as well I could hear them all questioning Lucas about what was going on. Chelsea, and Gary were the only people who weren’t shocked, they quickly made their way upstairs helping me pack, which was unsurprising since they were the only people I considered true friends at this point. Everyone else was either siding with Lucas, or just staring at me like I had 5 heads sprouting out of my body. I could feel the joy oozing out of Hope as she realized that her only real competition had just self eliminated. But I didn’t care, I had made up my mind, and there was no turning back now. I gave Chelsea and Gary meaningful hugs and made my way to the SUV waiting to take me to the hotel.

The ride there was excruciating. What if I was too late? What if he didn’t really mean it? What if Lucas was right? Could he have just been using his exit for his own gain? What if I just made a total fool of myself on television for the whole world to see? So many disaster scenarios playing through my head. I felt like I was drowning, but I was fighting like hell to push those thoughts out of my head. There was just no way that the Bobby I knew would ever purposely hurt me and use me like that. I timidly entered the hotel and approached the front desk. I got his room number and made my way there. It was 6AM. It’s too early, he was most likely still asleep I told myself. I knew that was probably a lie, Bobby was always an early riser, but I just didn’t have the balls to knock. I paced in the hallway outside of his room for a half an hour, trying to get the courage, and practicing what I wanted to say. Finally I rapped my knuckles halfheartedly against his door. I heard movement on the other side and fought against the thoughts in my mind telling me to just run away. He opened the door and had clearly been asleep. His caramel eyes staring at me blearily, but instantly snapped to full attention.

POV Bobby

I woke up to the sound of light knocking. I wanted to ignore it, I just wasn’t in the mood or head space to be messed with by production, I was so mentally and physically exhausted, but I knew they wouldn’t go away. The knocking would just continue. I opened my eyes enough to get a good look at the clock. 6:30 I rolled my eyes throwing the covers off of my body and trudged my way over to open the door. Would these hounds ever just let me rest? Had they not seen that I have suffered enough?

Nothing could have possibly prepared me for the sight before me when I opened the door. I stood there in disbelief, surely this was a dream and MC was not standing outside of my hotel room right now. She looked like she hadn’t slept at all, I could see dried up tear trails cascading down her flawless skin. She was in her cherrygate pajamas with a grey sweatshirt loosely hanging over her shoulders. I couldn’t find words, I just stood there eyes wide and mouth agape. “MC?!”

“Hi.” she practically whispered. Failing to maintain eye contact.

“Hi.” I returned confused. “MC what are you doing here?” I was fighting the urge to grab her and just hold her close, she looked like a puppy that had been kicked.

“I left the show.... I left Lucas.” she replied blankly.

“You what?” I stammered out in shock.

“You left me no choice… Bobby… did you mean what you said last night?”

I look at her in disbelief. “MC you left the show? I don’t understand. You know walked away from the chance to win 50,000k? You walked away from Lucas?” My brain couldn’t process the scene in front of me, between the lack of sleep and the fact that I was still trying to wake up.

“Don’t change the subject! She snapped. “Did you mean what you said last night? Do you want to be with me?”

She was almost yelling which was surprising. She looked desperate, manic almost, and like she was ready to burst back into tears at any moment. She awkwardly shifted her weight from foot to foot and took a few deep breaths before gaining the courage to continue.

“Because I want to be with you, Bobby… More than anything.” Her voice was back to a whisper.

All of the air was instantly knocked out of my lungs. My mind was racing a million miles and hour, how is it possible that this angel is standing in front of me asking if I meant what I said? Asking if I want to be with her? Surely I am just imagining this, but even so I can’t contain myself any longer. A genuine smile forms on my lips for the first time in what feels like years, it feels almost foreign at this point. But I finally blurt out

“I meant every word... and I have been an absolute wreck without you... I have never needed someone in my life as much as I need you, and it scares the hell out of me because I know I’m not good enough.”

Tears begin to fall down her soft cheeks, and I notice that they are streaming down mine as well. She throws herself into my arms

“You are more than good enough Bobby, how can you not see that you are perfect?” She pulls back to look me in the eyes. “You are everything that I have been looking for my whole life, and you appreciate me for me… imperfect as I am.”

My heart is beating out of my chest, please let this be real. Please don’t let this be some cruel dream. I pull her back and cup her face to look into her beautiful eyes stroking her cheeks with my thumbs. The signature crinkle and sparkle of her eyes has returned. “I love you MC. More than I ever knew was possible.”

“I love you too!” she sobs into my neck. “So much. “Please never leave me again. I honestly don't think I would survive it.”

“I don’t think I would survive leaving you again either.” I smile at her “I just don’t understand how you could possibly love an idiot like me.”

She smirks at me and answers by crashing her lips onto mine. I hoist her legs up and around my waist and carry her into my room. Shutting the door behind me, and for the first time in my life everything makes sense, and everything is perfect. Maybe two broken pieces have finally found their perfect match, the match that will make them whole, the one who won’t look at them like a broken piece at all.

#litg #litgbobby #love island the game #loveislandthegamebobby

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hopeshoodie · 3 years

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I feel so bad letting this sit for so long, but better late than never I suppose! Thank you to literally everyone who tagged me in this. Literally every time I see these posts it makes me grin like an absolute dope at my phone. This is one of the best fandoms I’ve ever been in. I know I joke that I’m just sitting in my corner making garbage, so thank yall for making the room my corner is in so lovely.

So here’s a shoutout to the people who made my 2020 better. If I’m following you (from my main @hyperspacial because despite being on tumblr for nearly a decade I still hardly know how to run a sideblog) I 100% like you. I’m sorry if I forget to tag people :( Also this is about to be a long ass post- don’t feel obligated to reply or like or whatever just because you’re tagged :P

@garyandhisnan. I just…. I adore you. Highkey would walk to the ends of the earth if you asked. Your writing, your posts, everything is top notch (and you’re an awesome person to boot which like… shouldn’t be allowed). Thank you for letting me rant about American late-stage capitalism and all the other nonsense I flood your inbox with. If yall aren’t following them, go do it now.

@deuchess

@ariendiel Why you would want to collaborate with me, ME, of all people? Still astounds me. I pinkie promise we’re gonna do it though, and it’s gonna be so good. I’m so excited. But seriously, your fics are some of the only ones that I can keep coming back to. Your writing is *chefs kiss* and your edits/moodboards are literally so pretty. I love your blog and I cherish you, you slut cheat.

@kiki-the-creator same brain saME BRAIN SAME BRAIN how do we have the exact same brain!? Your fics literally are the best thing this fandom has produced- I come up with these half baked concepts, you make them actually good, then I play dollhouse with them over and over again in my head forever :3 That Erikah fic? Literally every Marisol fic you write?? I love them. Also you’re highkey so funny and ugh. Te adoro.

@bubblelaureno you’re literally too good for me. For real. I’m sorry I’m so shitty about keeping up to date with fics and edits, you deserve way more than my shitty memory and my 2 second long attention span. Your blog is literally a beacon of positivity and it’s absurd how much I admire your drive and your analytical way of thinking. This fandom is so lucky to have you.

@codename-mango controversial yet brave opinion- your blog is the best LITG blog on tumblr. Your headcanons, your jokes, your route overviews? All immaculate. Even your reblogs are the best of what everyone else is posting. You’re the only reason I have notes, and I appreciate you sm.

@oneflewoverthecuckoos my comment to mango is controversial only because if not her, then your LITG sideblog for sure. For a ‘Lucas’ blog, the diversity of content and LIs you talk about is refreshing. I fucking love seeing people talk about non-LI characters.

@inthenewblood thank you for letting me bitch about the reddit oml it’s needed. Also having someone to be salty with? A new but not unwelcome experience lmfao

@noahssidechick you are literally so sweet oml I treasure our chats and the pictures of your dogs. You bring such a chill and earnest vibe to the fandom and ugh, I’m so glad to have you.

@fuseboxmusebox I feel like you’re so consistent in the fandom, like you were here when I first joined and you’ll be here after I inevitably lose interest and leave. Your reblogs are top notch, the takes are even topper notch, and it wouldn’t be a ‘litg blogs that made me happy’ list without you.

@crvsh-culture I will never not sing your praises. I love your blog, I love you perspective, I love your vibe. I consider you a friend even though we’ve talked like… once.

@radiantdae your artbreeder edits were the first thing in the fandom that left me genuinely astounded. Like holy shit they were so good. Kassam??? That was a REAL MAN. Obviously the stuff you post now is really good too and your blog is excellent. But tbh when I think of the LITG fandom, the first think I think of is your artbreeder pictures. Also your ‘filipino words that make me think of the islanders’. I still think of that often.

@therealityofthematteris seeing you in my notes makes me smile every time. That’s basically all, just needed to say it lmao. Also if anyone has almost convinced me to start playing TWC, it’s you and Seliné.

@bellarxse my dash would be dry af without you. Same with TWC- I’m so tempted to play because of your posts (I have it downloaded on my phone but like…. I haven’t finished a single route in Arcana and starting a new thing is overwhelming). But also your prompts are one of the few things that makes me want to write lmfao.

@lahelakoh I feel like I’ve said it before but your posts SEND me oml. The tiktok references, the chaotic energy. Both the taste and the flavour is immaculate.

@kiwi-tai we haven’t talked that much but oml I love your content so much 15/10

@confused-inalltheways-human you’re literally so cool and I think about that Harry fic all the time. Am I ever gonna get around to writing it? Probably not. But it was such a good idea. Also thank you for lighting up my notification.

@oceanatydes you come here, you post literally spectacular content, and then you peace out like bruh I wish I had your mind. I adore your edits, but my favorites are your posts/headcanons.

@voile-de-lune your aesthetic is everything I aspire to be and your headcanons/edits are such a refreshing take on characters that we’ve all gotten so stale with. I still live for that Rahim moodboard you made. Also your headcanons are so fantastic.

@lasswithumor this fandom desperately needs more Carl stans, thank you for doing the lords work. Also I highkey stalk your blog on a regular basis jsjsjsjsjsjs every chat we’ve had has been lovely and ugh, you’re just lovely

@bobbysapron your vibes are literally so immaculate. I know it’s been awhile since we chatted but I highkey adore your content and ugh. You’re such a cool person.

@beebips I feel like you’ve vanished off my dash, but you made up for it with that 3rd chapter of The Other Side of Seventh Ave made up for it.

@nerdferatum I don’t think I’ve ever breathed a word in your direction but oml you’re so sweet and supportive and every time your posts cross my dash I *pleading emoji*

@mrsgaryrennell I’m still agog that we’re mutuals because like… You are so talented. It took me waaaayyy too long to get into Blue and Hazel but now that I have… It’s highkey better than the actual season skskskskss

@kingkassam Like the above, you are waaaayyy too cool to be following me sksksksk. I’ve still got a few edits you had ideas for in the pipeline, and highkey the Kassam icons you requested are my favorite edits I’ve ever made. I live for someone else playing Matchmaker.

@hermitclaw hello?????? You’re so funny what the FUCK are you doing following me. Ik you don’t post that much anymore, but every LITG you grace us with is a knockout. It feels unreal when you reblog my stuff. Basically the same to @mchamster. Like you’re both so funny and have been in the fandom for so long that it fully feels like royalty whenever yall interact with me.

@ravenadottir I am fully unworthy to even mention your name but oml. Your guides are the only thing that help me retain information about the season, and your recent outfit edits? Oh my god they’re so good. Hope’s especially, with the brightly colored swimsuit, left me absolutely speechless. You’re just above everything in the fandom and I admire that so much. Plus you really don’t have to flex that hard in your fics, and yet-

@smaiihands saving the best for last because you are one of the single most talented people in this fandom. Your art is the strongest life support for the fandom and like I know we haven’t talked in awhile but you’re also such a dope person. So.

And a big shoutout to all the people I follow who I don’t talk to but have nothing but good vibes. I appreciate yall way more than I can articulate: @richhdesire @needsomesorrel @ficticiouspastry @cranesandshipyards @litg-ish @princesslove19060 @fictitiouspastery @icedcoffee-please @demons-dogs-and-puns @sparklydinosaurr @mountainmanxoxo @diamondsdiary @bucket-bill@another-lottie-simp @bobbys-darling @cyn-onlyyou @mikcove @officialpapa-johns @Amaxn @dxncingthroughlife @myfictionalobsessions @screw-u-vaanu @kittidot @chichiguitarist123 @myfictionalobsessions @Azibear @amelia-w @lilithlibrxa @litghoe @priyas-tiddies @daisybarks @ajs-wife

At this point this post is just a directory of the LITG fandom lmfao but genuinely. Thank every single one of you. 2020 was hard as shit, but I’ve been hyperfixated on LITG for like a year and I treasure your content sm.

#im so so so fucking sorry if i forget someone :(#i 100% did not mean to i hope no ones feelings are hurt #if you've ever interacted with my posts youve definitely made me smile

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