#I SEE THEM SO MUCH IM GOING TO GO INSANE

[spikrock]

if i see one more of those memes where the cheshire cat says “were all mad here” and alice asks “at me?” im going to lose my mind im sorry

#THEYRE ALL THE SAME #I SEE THEM SO MUCH IM GOING TO GO INSANE #funny the first time but every time i see them now i just #rambling

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

come get yer juice (aka some 'stocks i never posted </3)

#throws this at you all and runs #IM WORKING ON NEW SCRIBBLES POST-UPDATE ITS JUST. SLOW GOING #spoons are gone you see! #wait actually. the repressed one i doodled last night #BUT OTHER THAN THAT ITS SLOW GOING #but ohhhhh im so ill. theyre so real. #before i was skeptical but the Evidence Is Stacking Up All Too Well. #might make a post about it bc there's. so much #scribble salad #laughingstock #barnaby x howdy #howdy x barnaby #ive been in the trenches for so long... so so long.... #AND I WILL CONTINUE TO BE HERE. #im still so insane about them yall dont even KNOW #by the time this posts i will be At and In My New Job #may these sillies keep me going through the day...

[flovoid]

“citizens of san myshuno refer to us as criminals, villains, or peace destroyers… ah of course, being blindfolded from the truth is the result to create such frail brains as theirs. I pity them. 

but oh child, they are clueless— or dare I say mindvoided with imaginary thoughts. because, how can a one make such conclusion of someone without knowing their true identity?

Mobwives… yes, we are no villains nor are heros… we are mere individuals who are prisoning the false justice to reveal the final ordeal.”

— ‘Chief’

#mobwives #I AM GOING INSANE I HAVE SO MUCH INSPIRATION FOR THEM I AM A SUCKER FOR GANGSTAS #the plan was one picture of each member BUT I COULDNT I AM A SIMP OKAY #we might see them more often because my brain decided to give them backstory and more character and now- #-im obsessed. #so what if I tell yall i have favorites here already WHICH I SHOULDNT #spoilers~ the favorites are white and teal. ofc besides floyd yall know me mwahaha #RUNNING- #’chief’ #‘void’ #’monk’ #‘ghora’ #‘nevér’ #’rain’ #sims 4 #simblr #ts4 #CvsD

[juaneloriginal]

This is the story of a woman named Mariella

TW: BLOOD AND MISSING ARMS

aaaand a couple doodls

ignorance is bliss

@blackkatdraws

#ignorance is bliss #again #omg a quote that i love so much #and in my headcanon (cause i know very little of her lore) fits her really well #being playful and still smiling after all the horrible things that place is #forgot her red eyes too #there is some symbolism behind that i know it #still smiling even if not genuine after all that it's really interesting #and how she sometimes prefers to take things lightly or as a joke #imo is a coping mechanism #like she chooses to be ignorant to a lot of things #im not sure i think she represents kinda what Stanley can turn like in the future #i could be wrong #i also love how in contrast Stanley is with her #Stanley IS aware #the eyes drawing u did that stanley is the ONLY ONE seeing them #symbolism? idk #canon or not is cool #okay im going insane #tsp stanley #the stanley parable ultra deluxe #tsp fanart #tsp mariella #:3 #tspud #stanley parable #the stanley parable

[dizzybizz]

sleepy gill and gill with the bubbled evil cat

#hi remember when i thought i was in for a really bad bout of hsr fixation. lets see how thats going.. lets just check in and #oh . oh no. oh this was. this wasnt the plan. oh no #just roll with it #jrwi riptide #gillion tidestrider #gill in pjs got to me ok. gill fighting in pjs got to me. the thought of gill sleeping in a barrel of water with pjs on got to me. #wheni tell you this fkn podcast is the only thing ive been thinking abt for the past few days dude what thef uck #theyre all so stupid they get up to so much bs its fkn great i lvoe the three of them so mcuh WHEHhghh >:'O #my art #i keep nearly forgetting that tag help??? #ive slowly been getting used to drawing them jsut you wait til i feel good abt the designs n shit ok its gonna be epic or smth #oop s its 1am soon whoopsies ehehee but like ..... the dumbasses... theyre in my head.. #there are so many stupid scenes i want to draw 😭😭😭😭😭 #im sorry to. my friends. for jsut . yknow. and everyone really #i wasnt ready for this 😭 idk what happened i just started going through eps so quickly all of a sudden and ive gone through like 12 eps in #2-3 days and i feel absolutely insane and i think abt them so much. theyve taken up all my time help

[moonpaw]

Fighting DEMONS rn trying not to get invested in one piece to figure out wtf you're posting about!!!!

come here cyber.... we have this thang

‎

#mp answers #i've been trying so hard not to be annoying to my bnha friends but if you will allow me to push this for this ask let me say 🙏 #if you're afraid of the episode count for one piece the manga is a lot quicker read while being just as enjoyable because the art style is #an actual delight. its great its fantastic im absolutely in love with it #the series is soooo good and i know luffy can seem unappealing to people before they start but he's just SUCH a great character & continues #to be even now. the story is SO GOOD the characters are SO GOOD... theres so much lore and world building that its insane #if you read the manga we get 'cover stories' on what's going on with previous characters to see what theyre up to even though we moved on #from where we left them. a lot of these cover stories blend into the main story so well its just seamless #there's one where we get introduced to a character we dont see hundreds of episodes into the anime and they show up like; during the second #saga. the series is about traveling to other islands and every single arc has been tied to another in some way or form that shows up later #even if its sagas and sagas later- it still becomes relevant again!! it's a huge ongoing story and there isnt a single arc that feels like #it has no purpose (sans filler in the anime-but even then!! some filler arcs are really entertaining!) #it's emotional! its sad! its downright stupid and silly but GOD... you can feel the love that oda put into this series and his characters #and the emotions in the expressions and the messages the story gives off it just makes me UEUHGHHAHGHH!!! #it's all about the adventure and the romance of it all! its about the freedom it brings and bringing freedom to others! #its a series where treasure should be a focus given its pirates and the its a giant treasure hunt for the one piece and yet! and yet so man #of the characters treasures are things that are not coins and gems but people and promises and family and and #im going to EXPLODE i love one piece

[jade-len]

luo binghe better than me fr i think i would've gone fucking apeshit if the person i loved with my entire soul pretty much said "fuck you" because of my race and pushed me down into literal hell for me to suffer for years

i've said it before and i'll say it again, i really don't think we give binghe enough credit. that man was on concerning levels of forgiving all the way from the start

#this would all be without xin mo eating at my brain btw #were the things he did wrong? of course. can you blame him? absolutely not. #like lets not act like at least half of us wouldnt go insane #i would be devastated #just.. place urself in his shoes ok #like he was able to still change for the better despite all the shit he went through #able to realize his wrongdoings and make up for them #thats fucking amazing and we should not discredit him ok #my ass would probably do the same thing as him tbh. or have a whole mental breakdown. or both #also same goes for bingge i wouldve done the same shit too probably. id fuck shen jiu up #again #not excusing his actions but i feel like people seem to focus on that part of him way too much when we literally see his character growth #and yeah hes still just a little unhinged but arent we all #hell some people are WAY more fucked up than binghe and they didnt even go through #i love him so much can you tell #so anyways yes if he were real i would date him hes so relatable #because then id now that he would actually change for the better and make things up and learn from his mistakes #yeah haha yes hes a red flag whatever all jokes and fun but are we just gonna ignore his development??? #im not a binghe apologist. maybe. #svsss #mxtx svsss #luo binghe #luo bingmei

[mudstoneabyss]

actually. the specific phrasing that boy Kevin wants to kill older Kevin with "I must disassemble him, piece by piece, so that everything inside of the Old Kevin comes out. Only then can the New Kevin truly begin." is so incredibly the idea that to heal from trauma and "improve" you have to destroy every "wrong" part of yourself, that everything "tainted" by it has to somehow be replaced by something untouched (which isn't possible)

#reading back that phrasing I do think that'll be the way brinknor takes it #this arcs seeming like it'll be so. breaking the cycle of abuse and violence and coming to terms with yourself #and maybe understanding that you can never remove the parts of you impacted by trauma and start again completely ''pure'' #but you can treat yourself with the kindness you should've been given #which i hope it is that because. and understand i am biased. but i'd love that direction for Kevin #it feels much more satisfying than any more. angsty way this arc could go imo #like he's been through enough! #because of the way Kevin is portrayed in fanon. not as frequently anymore but still pretty common. I worry about coming off as woobifying #by saying I want him to heal I want him to have nice things I think he deserves them #when he's also simultaneously Not A Good Person #yknow the poor little innocent cinnamon roll baby etc etc fanon #but. well for one im Not Like That about him. but my main point of bringing that up is. him not being a good person is why I want to see hi #get better and generally have a good life. why does someone have to be good to deserve to heal from trauma #especially when trauma is a big reason for the way they are #like its fiction yeah yeah i'm still tired of mentally ill people having to be ''good'' to ''deserve'' to get better yknow #i mean especially in fiction you tend to either see mental illness as the poor traumatized one who's allowed recovery because they're nice #or the insane psychopath who cant be ''fixed'' so ''deserves'' bad things-up to deserving to die!- for it #i didnt mean for this to be a rant erm. oops #wtnv #wtnv spoilers #joyousposting

[kaladinkholins]

mizutaigen is literally like. the first "toxic" m/f ship i've ever cared for. cuz like usually my taste in m/f ships is basically "unhinged baddie" x "badass wifeguy" *

* (see:yen/geralt. trevor/sypha. adolin/shallan. kataang but katara is sane and they're literally so wholesome like theyre traumatised kids in love who are each other's emblem of hope in a war-torn world! so basically they don't count. anyway. i'm rambling.)

and to that end my friend called mizutaigen yaoi-adjacent and im like. yeah you're right actually cuz like hell yeah non-binary mizu and bisexual taigen rights and all the gender fuckery in the show in general

but also like.

theres just SOMETHING else about mizutaigen that just GETS me. like there's a special secret sauce like the pheromones in that one sephora lotion attracting spiders and i am the silly spider!!! there's just something about it!!! it's not even the enemies to lovers trope cuz i personally am not even usually into that (obv it's fine if you are. but yk.)

so as i keep rotating these thoughts around i thiiink it's the fact that, yknow, theyre so similar. like i honestly truly think they could be besties in another universe: a kinder universe where taigen was not taught to hate. a universe where mizu was not born a girl in a deeply misogynistic society or half-white in a xenophobic homogeneous society.

yeah now that i think about it that really just might be THE secret sauce!!! like the fact that they COULD be perfect and happy together, if only things were different, if only they werent themselves.

smth v bittersweet about that's just driving me insane and makes me want to root for them to overcome all those obstacles, to say "fuck all that" (re:the world and all its fucked up shit) and find each other in the end. to eventually become each other's fav person and confidant. who obv still bicker and tease and insult each other all the time but they dont really mean any of it and over time it just becomes a running gag between them and no one else has to get it because it's just between the two of them.

#mizu x taigen #taigen x mizu #taimizu #[clenches fist] it's about the POTENTIAL of it all!!!!! #like taigen's last words in s1 being 'we're not done yet' like ?!? has me WANTING to see more. wanting to see them grow with each other #like i want taigen by the end to be ridiculously head over heels WHIPPED and SMITTEN willing to die and kill and just be BETTER. for mizu. #mizu. the person who changed his entire life. his entire worldview. pulled the rug from under him and made him a man forever changed. #to overcome his selfishness so he can be mizu's HOME in a world that doesn't allow her one #i want him to end up deciding like. 'on purpose. im going to love you on purpose.' #and mizu no matter how much she tries to convince herself that she cannot love or be loved. ends up accepting it anyway #love as work and violence but also love as rest and safety #and also bcs taigen represents the ideals of society. him willing to change & grow also represents society's potential to change & progress #LMAO okay sorry i absolutely cannot stop rambling about these bitches the brainworms are insane #bcs i just noticed that other mizutaigen enjoyers tend to also be in the same fandom circles for ships that i just. do not like. at all #and wondered like huh. i wonder why that is. and wondering what makes mizutaigen different #idk just ignore me i dont even know if im making sense my brain is goop from working on my research proposal #shut up haydar #fandom.rtf

[possamble]

realizing im kind of a weirdo about laios and marcille

#possramble #ignore this im just babbling but #the thing is that like. i don't ship laios and marcille together. their relationship is so so important to me in that laios comphets himsel #and THINKS that he might be in love with her but he isn't and that's my insane obsession #platonic soulmates for real but they're so sweet together that i fully expect them to be shipped together #like i get it. that's almost the appeal for me. if dungeon meshi were any other series there'd be an epilogue where they get married #convention dictates that they're meant to be together as the male protagonist and his beloved female deuteragonist #but dungeon meshi DOESNT do that and i love it so fucking much they're the comphet besties ever for my strange little brain #like if i ever did an arranged marriage au it would absolutely be laios and marcille having a platonic political marriage and then just #the most insane mutual pining with marcille and falin while laios and marcille struggle their way into becoming best friends #the imagery of the king and his beautiful court mage being tender to each other and everyone thinking they're in love is like catnip to me #like yeah they'd be like that and have no idea people think they should be together and the subversion makes me so obsessed #the more people ship them romantically. the more i enjoy their platonic dynamic it's like some sort of weird comphet fetishism idk #people think they're in love and im outside the window like YES... YES!!! #but also the second i see stuff of them kissing on the mouth or fucking im like oh god no i went too deep in here i gotta get out #don't wanna see that. i'll go feral over the idea of laios and marcille being arm-in-arm like king and queen but they would not fuck. #i want marcille to be his default comphet beard and dance partner/plus one at official royal events but they're not kissing. #she's there on his arm because he's scared of the other noble women tryna get him and being a baby about it #and people see them muttering to each other and laughing and generally being very sweet and think that they're dating but they're not. #she's actually covered in hickies from falin underneath her dress and is gonna get dragon dicked right after the party is over #like she's in her bedroom and falin's helping her take her ridiculous dress off while listening to her complain about politics #and falin is the person she goes home to the person she falls asleep to and wakes up with #they're a triad of utter devotion to each other but only farcille's side of the triangle is romantic #it's almost like an open secret because they're not trying to hide it at all but people assume and are surprised to find out #like people are so right about her relationship with the toudens but with the siblings' roles switched #love of her life & irreplaceable life companion. does anyone get it #anyway. i don't know what's wrong with me #it bothers me that they're not the undisputed most popular het ship for marcille on ao3 #it's unnatural. marcille being paired with any other man should be a fringe case.

[every-sanji]

#one piece #sanji #black leg sanji #everysanji #thriller bark #ch462 #theres been someone whose been slowly reblogging some of my like. really old posts #and doing some absolutely fantastic character analysis in the tags #but oh my god you're reminding me of the cringe captions i used to leave on every post #i did that FOR LIKE. IM PRETTY SURE OVER A YEAR. #IF IT WASNT SO LONG I'D GO BACK AND EDIT ALL OF THEM BUT EUGH #all but one i think the birthday post was funny okay that one was funny and i had to consolidate so much to get it to post on the right day #god. i cant believe this will probably post after the blog anniversary #4 years of every sanji. how do we feel guys #as of queuing this i have uh. 2302 followers and i'll probably have a few more by the time you actually see this #absolutely insane that people still follow this silly gimmick blog i've been running since i was 19 #ik i have said it before but this little project got so big and i dont even particularly care for op anymore #i just keep this blog running for the bit of finding every sanji and watching people be amazed at the really really small ones #that i manage to find in the background. its a special skill you gain by running a blog like this #anyway no more tag rambles i want to try and finish this volume tonight if i can

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

do you ever just sit there thinking about your favorite ocs while violently shaking. god. clenches fist. They're So.

#every time a song from their Joint Playlist comes on i go fucking feral #the betrayal the refusal to Let Go the haunting the persisting love the renunciation the resentment the abandonment the resignation #the overwhelming desire to do good vs the fear of admitting you were wrong vs the two people you love most tearing each other apart #AGHHHHH FUCK FUCK FUCK IM SUDDENLY DEEP IN THE ORIGINAL SAUCE #five seconds i was Normal. scribbling welcome home #then One Of The Songs Came On and now im losing my fucking marbles #perceived betrayals leading to real betrayals.... #going too far and now its too late you're Committed you cant go back #he came to you thinking he could make you understand and you could work together to make things Better #and instead you ripped his heart out and left it bleeding on the floor for everyone to see #THEY MAKE ME MORE INSANE THAN LITERALLY ANYTHING #absolutely unprompted #the oc Unwellness comes and goes in waves but its the only true constant obsession with my life #god those three... my dearest darling Trio.... how old are they turning this year? #is it year eight of having them? year nine? #one of the two is for sure how long ive had My Specialest Boy Light Of My Life The Reason I Am Still Alive #the other two came after... maybe only mere months after but he was the first and he is just. i love him so fucking much #he is so so personal to me. he has a permanent place carved out in my chest #he sleeps on my ribs <3 #the other day i was reminiscing about his development over the years. his changes his different Versions #and fuck... he's really changed with me huh?? #his past selves are echoes of my own self over the years #like he is Very different from me but at the same time. i created him with little pieces of myself sewn in #we hold the same views the same beliefs. im not him and hes not me but we're Kindred yk yk #i think i need to go listen to his playlist.... how long is it now... let me check... 15 hours 13 mins... 228 songs... #my gay 5'2 powerhouse of a guy. him <3 #maybe 'them' too he's played fast and loose with gender over the years. holy shit wait #his development echoes mine... i characterized him as 'fucks with gender norms' long before i realized my own gender fuckery #god damn. i love him even more now. i didnt think that was possible. im going to cry. hes so important to me #he has been with me through my worst years... and will be with me through all the hard times to come <3

[thatcoyperson]

If The Bad Boys have million fans, then I'm one of them.

If The Bad Boys have one fan, then I'm THAT ONE.

If The Bad Boys have no fans, that means I'm dead.

#also im begging them to get a better name #im insane over them and dont wanna have to call them that please #limited life spoilers #traffic spoilers #grian #smallishbeans #jimmy solidarity #solidaritygaming #joel smallishbeans #i really dont want to tag this The Bad Boys #so im not going to until i see other people doing it #coy talks too much

[twinkdemise]

#iasip #mac macdonald #s3e11 dennis looks like a registered sex offender #just rewatched this episode. god it's so good definitely in my top 10 overall in the show #the dinner scene my forever beloved i hold you close to my heart. it's so insanely satisfying from a writing perspective. #the way it all ties together and even though it's a scene about a dinner being fucking ruined and its got these #relatively high emotional stakes its so so. neatly written that it ends up feeling cathartic? in a way #idk what im saying man that scene's just really good #something about mac and charlie's scheme and motivations clashing with their parents' (and franks) #and them being kind of forced to reckon with the fact that their parents are real people with their owns wants and needs #(especially mac charlie ends up using this to his advantage and kind of betraying mac ig) #also a scene that emotional ending with a shot of charlie going Ohh and the seed has been planted is wild. #also mac being so worried about the fact that the vibe might be off... DO YOU WANT FLAT AMBIANCE??? #he just wants things to be normal!! he just wants a normal nice dinner party and normal parents who are together and happy and love eo!! #also there's a motif that shows up repeatedly of him wanting to seem like a good dinner host lol just kind of noticed that idk #maybe reading into this too much but god the theme of him so often being in denial of reality in order to #live up to certain societal standards and achieve normalness. #this is kind of the first (and imo one of the best) episodes with a plot line about mac's relationships with his parents #and their family dynamic in general which i find so so fascinating. #also i think this is the only time (except for the christmas video) where we see mac's parents together. #on a lighter note ig the dinner scene has so many other great quotes... charlies so funny in it #the man doesnt blink mom the man doesnt blink!! #the charmac in this episode was so excellent in general. the car scene where they freak out and become convinced luthers going to kill them. #YOU DONT DO THAT! YOU DONT EAT SOMEONE BECAUSE THEY DONT HAVE HEROIN IN THEIR ASS!! #i do rmbr watching this ep with my dad and him going Well that one was just kind of sad. #which.... i mean yeah. real. #thats it im done i think #also i ended up having to type all this in my notes bc tumblr tagging is so painful #what if i said smth and then went Hey i want to say that a bit differently? oh? youre just straight up not gonna let me do that. oh okay. #fuck you

[cashmere-caveman]

Hanif Abdurraqib, it’s not like nikola tesla knew all of those people were going to die | Anne Carson, H of H Playbook | Richard Siken, Snow and Dirty Rain | Franz Wright, Heaven | Toby Whithouse, shooting script for Being Human S1E1 | Franz Wright, Heaven | Erin Slaughter, I Hope My Salt Lamp is a Weeping Deity | Richard Siken, Straw House, Straw Dog & My Country: The New Age, Episode 16

image descriptions in alt

#my country: the new age #nam seon-ho #seo hwi #listen guys (gn). the worms have been festering the dots have been connected the illness contracted etc!! this is an exorcism attempt #bro what if we had both been suicidal for years bc we just wanted everything to be over but we repeatedly saved each others lives #even when we were enemies bc even when we were fighting for different visions of this country we were still *each others* countries #and what if in the end we realized we were never meant to be apart in the first place and gave each other permission to finally let go #but gave our deaths meaning by sacrificing our lives so that everyone else could live in a country of peace !!!! #basically what if we went from best friends to enemies to allies to enemies to soulmates and died in each others arms and we were both boys #their dynamic is so. i wanna eat so much dirt i tunnel right through the earth and end up in argentina. #god. GOD. im like 5 years late but is anyone out there still insane like me in pain like me etc hmu #wait maybe i should put some warnings on this bitch uhhh hold on #blood cw #death tw #suicidal ideation cw #<- just in case bc idk how else to tag for the uhhh extremely normal mindset of both of them #i hope thats it? if i missed sth let me know! also if u read this far u'll get to see the business tags i forgot at the top lol #cavetext #mctna #nam seon ho #poetry #seonhwi #caveweb #also u would not Believe the fucking sleuthing i went through to find the source poem for that erin slaughter quote jfc #thats what i get for keeping incomplete notes ig :/ #also ive found the franz wright poem as both 'heaven' and 'the heaven' so ?? who knows

[frecklystars]

i know nobody is online rn to read this but ;-; i gotta get it off my chest i love ken so much he means everything to me he's making me so happy and i've needed him so so so bad. he's brought me comfort when my ptsd has been so fucking unbearable and every time i'm having a crying fit over losing my tf f/os or every time i'm having a flashback i ALWAYS immediately IMMEDIATELY think about him rushing to my side, holding me and saying "hey hey it's okay, i'm here, i'm right here" and it's such a relief because i haven't been able to genuinely wholeheartedly believe any character would be willing to do that for me the entire time i've been struggling this year.

i've never gone so long without comfort from f/os, much less being triggered by the ones who used to comfort me the most. so to have barbie and ken right now is like the biggest wave of relief every single day when i wake up and the hyperfixation is still there. sometimes i will literally close my eyes and sigh in relief when i hear a song and my first thought is sebastian or ken or six or... whomever. i love being in love again. i NEED this. i love waking up and my first thought isn't my trauma most of the time now, it's ken. or it's six. or it's barbie. or it's harley. or it's officer k. or it's... yeah you get it. i needed these characters so fucking badly. every time i see a gifset and get excited over it, i feel a rush of gratitude bc self shipping has always been the glue holding me together. it doesn't feel as intense or strong as the SB musical or TF used to make me feel but i am not picky. not at all. i will take anything and i'm praying this lasts for at LEAST another few weeks please

i may not be at a sense of peace right now and i dont know when i ever will be, it could be years, but im so. so. so. so so so thankful to have these characters right now when i've needed someone so badly for so long. i hope ken knows how much i love him ;-; i hope barbie knows how much she has helped me, has saved me from one of my major triggers and has helped me to love and feel safe around the color pink again. i wish they could see me when i'm not so broken but i'm glad they're here even when i'm at my worst, i'm glad they still love me even when they deserve to see me in a much better light

#it feels so fucking terrible not celebrating my bday with my starlight. i used to buy myself cakes and put his figurine next to them #i mean i still have... a little bit over one week... i cant... let it pass by without him being involved somehow #so i might make a quick vent doodle and queue it for the actual day of my bday #i refuse to not draw myself with him at least once for my special day #its not like we 'broke up' or anything but fuck it feels so bad #he's a literal fucking ptsd trigger. how fucking insane is that #im still in shock. im still in shock over what happened to me like i cant fucking believe it #wearing his necklace makes me cry so i just leave it on my dresser #that shouldnt be normal!!!! #but im hoping that shipping with barbie/ken is going to help me feel like i can reclaim control over my ships #bc my abuser made me feel like... i had no control over my TF ships whatsoever for a solid year #so now that i'm finally free of that toxicity i'm still shakily trying to learn how to ship again #i'll have moments where i'll worry ken will try to hurt me on purpose bc im so used to my abuser telling me how abusive any f/o would be #but then i tell myself 'hey what the fuck. this is MY story. NOBODY would abuse me i dont care WHO they are' #but it's so hard to unlearn several months of abuse 😔 #and even harder to look at a character who i invested so much time and energy and money into #my voice clips. my cameos. all of my steve blum autographs. my art for steve. all of it feels sad and numbing #not just stsc but everyone in any TF universe feels like... a threat and i get panic attacks when i see very specific characters sometimes #its awful. it hurts so bad. i love ken so much. but nothing compares to what i had with my TF comfort characters #but it's okay bc... ken is holding my hand and he might not understand ptsd at all but he can still squeeze me tight #and six HAS c-ptsd he GETS it. and he's there to hold me when my nightmares make me fall apart. he's my rock #vent #ptsd #sorry it's 5am i had a bad nightmare and now i refuse to sleep again #i fucking hate ptsd i fucking hate living like this i rly wish i knew how to cure myself #im exercising im eating and drinking often im sleeping as much as i can #theres only so much i can do #when does it get better?? when the fuck does it get better? im serious. not rhetorical. when does this finally heal #i dont even know if im healing or if im just distracted... but fuck ill take anything