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look-at-the-soul · 2 years

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All we’d ever need (Part 10)

Tommy Shelby x reader

Series master list

Fluff, fluff reloaded. ♥️

Two problems solved 😉 enjoy everyone! We never talked about how this would be fixed, but I hope you like it @lyarr24 🌻

Tommy thanked the nurse as she finished checking Y/N. They have been monitoring her vital signs and the baby every hour. There shouldn’t be any bleeding during those first hours, not many things could be done, being pregnant made it difficult to use most of the antibiotics, she could just have some fluids. A miscarriage was a latent threat, she had been under so much stress and the doctors weren’t very hopeful.

Y/N had a dark mark on her cheek, probably from a slap and an ugly cut behind her shoulder, it was deep, she got a couple of stitches for it, some bruises decorated her arms, it seemed as if she had been fighting.

She looked so pale and fragile.

Taking her small hand in his, Tommy couldn’t help but blame himself for putting Y/N through all of this. She was hit as a collateral damage for his ambitions, the last thing he wanted and of course in everybody’s eyes, he cheated on her.

“I will open the betting shop, and we’ll take turns to be there.” Polly handled him a glass of water. He needed something stronger. The worry and love in her eyes were evident.

Tommy could only nod, but before his aunt left the room, he asked her: “Could you please light a candle for Y/N and our baby?” His voice barely audible.

“Done.”

“Do you think she will believe me?” He never showed this vulnerable side to anyone. “This is all my fault.”

When all his family began to complain about his behavior while the doctors checked Y/N he had no choice but explain how everything happened, he never imagined his plan of staying the night in the hotel would cause so much trouble, apparently he was a smart man in business but a completely knob and expert on how to piss a woman.

Polly walked towards him, he had done so many wrong choices, but so did her goddaughter. She never should have gone to that clinic, part of her understood her reasons though. The physical contact between she and her nephew was very reduced, not because they didn’t love each other, they just didn’t show a lot of public display of affection. Polly placed her hand on his shoulder.

“You both have a lot of things to work out, but let her get better first. Don’t make her upset for now.” She would need to let Y/N parents know. “Make sure to call once she wakes up.”

Once Polly left, Tommy rubbed his eyes, struggling with the lump in his throat. He wanted to scream, cry and hit something.

He would trade her place without hesitation.

Leaning forward, he kissed gently Y/N’s hand and rested his forehead next to her fingers, on the mattress.

“I should’ve protected you from Donal Henry and Rita.” He whispered. Regret making him feel miserable. He had been thinking of canceling the plan to take over Darby Sabini, if he couldn’t have her, he didn’t want anything at all. “I should’ve told you about May but I was scared you wouldn’t approve the fake flirting to get her help, I know it’s a low thing to do to make her believe I was interested, but I swear I never thought of crossing the line, yes I went to her house, but all I could think about was you… I was just having dinner with her, then I went to sleep to the Midland Hotel because I was tired of the drive, I would neve-” His confession was interrupted by a gasp.

“You woke up!” A rush of adrenaline ran through him, cupping her face between his hands, his lips trembled as he was able to see her beautiful eyes open, unable to contain his emotions he moved to the door to get a nurse, but her weak voice stopped him.

“What you just said…”

Tommy walked back to the bed. “How are you feeling, what happened?” A million thoughts ran through his mind.

A frown decorated her features. “You didn’t sleep with… her?”

“No! God, of course not… I wouldn’t be able to look at you.” He was so overwhelmed that he didn’t know how to react or what to do. “I’m sorry for everything, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I never meant to hurt you.” He was speaking with his heart in his hand. Hovering over Y/N, he kissed gently her forehead, whispering everything would be alright.

“But you said you would do anything to get what you wanted?”

Tommy pinched the bridge of his nose. “I did… but I meant us…” Tommy leaned against the bed, his head hanging down. “I was talking about having a family, in that very moment I was thinking of taking you somewhere until you could believe me. I was so frustrated it even crossed my mind to drag you out of the house to get married, I asked Jeremiah to do the ceremony but he told me he needed you to do it because you wanted to, not because I said so.”

“I thought you meant your business.”

His choice of words dug his own grave.

“And why would I want a business or money or being the number one if I don’t have you? Ey?” His hands cupped her face gently yet firmly while his thumbs whipped away the tears. “You and this baby are the reasons I wake up every morning.”

Her hands moved instinctively to her stomach in a protective motion, panic in her eyes.

“I couldn’t do it, Tommy… I wanted to keep my baby.” Her voice broke then. She changed her mind last minute, determined to find a way to make it work even without Tommy in case he had cheated. But the doctor and nurse wouldn’t let her get up. They started calling for Rita who was outside and then the chaos began.

“The baby it’s okay, don’t worry about that.” Tommy’s hand caressed her face, she needed to calm down, they were still trying to get her levels back to normal. “Baby is just fine, shh. You’re safe here, just the three of us… I’m sorry, I’m sorry.”

“Rita was there, she had a knife, she was going to stab me.” As she tried to move, a sharp pain on her shoulder made her stop. She had called her stupid several times, how could she fallen for her lies?

Tommy tried to hold her. “Be careful, you got hurt, take deep breaths. There’s a lot of information to process, but try to stay calm love, for the baby.”

As Rita tried to stab her directly in the stomach, Y/N was able to crouch down to protect her baby and she got hurt on the shoulder blade. In pain she hit Rita with a metal plate she found on the floor and then her hand touched the wound, shocked by the blood she caressed her stomach over the hospital gown getting it stained with blood in the process until she moved away and that’s when Tommy came in, shooting Rita in front of her. His face was the last thing she saw until she woke up in the hospital bed. The memories slowly appearing in her mind.

Moving a little from her, he finally called for the nurse, who hurried to check on her.

The medical staff provided strict instructions since Y/N and the baby were still in the middle of critical times, a miscarriage could happen at any time and the patient’s stability was a determinant factor.

Tommy made sure that Y/N ate completely her food and have her checked twice in the last hour. He hadn’t left her side, not even for one minute since they arrived at the hospital that morning.

“You’re not angry with me?” Y/N asked looking at her hands just as the nurse left.

Tommy let out a deep sigh as he was rolling up the sleeves of his shirt. “I am… but right now all I care about it you and me child.” He admitted taking one of her hands in his. “Probably just as you were angry at me when you thought I slept with her.”

They both knew the things each did wrong, there was no question about it. But it wasn’t the moment or place to talk about that.

“Why don’t you have some rest, ey? You’ve been through a lot lately, I’ll stay here.”

But Y/N needed to feel safe, so she patted the small space next to her in bed for Tommy to climb in. And he did, trying to get comfortable on his side, one of his arms was under her neck and his other hand resting on her stomach, trying to protect his baby.

Feeling his heartbeat against her ear, Y/N was swept away by the love of this fearless man, who decided that this time love should be the priority. The wellbeing of their baby was on top of everything else.

“I’m sorry.” They both whispered.

They both were, they both made terrible choices that could have ended breaking their relationship forever.

***

Esme had been so worried about Y/N and the baby, the news that she was recovering spread fast in Watery Lane, but she needed to make sure, so the first chance she got, she volunteered to visit her in the hospital that afternoon, before Polly could ask her to watch the shop. Walking down the hospital hall, she reached the reception, immediately the nurses and administrative personnel looked her up and down like so many people had before. But now, Esme walked with her head up, she was proud to be a gypsy and she was a Shelby now.

“Y/N Y/LN room please?”

Giving her one more look, the woman asked. “And you are?”

“Esme Shelby.” She made sure to say her last name slowly. The face of the woman squirmed and immediately changed her attitude guiding her.

Opening the door, she found an image she never thought she would see; Thomas Shelby smiling, he was lying in bed with Y/N, holding a book.

As soon as Tommy realized they had company, he got up from the bed and straightened his clothes. Esme walked around the bed, to the opposite side where Tommy was standing, she noticed the new color around them as their hands were linked, the darkness around them was slowly fading away. Their love was stronger than everything.

“Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to see if Y/N was alright.”

“Doctor said Y/N needs to stay in bed for the rest of the pregnancy and absolutely nothing that stress her.” Tommy was so protective now.

“Do you think you can get me the biscuits? Please?”

Tommy looked worried, he didn’t to leave her alone.

“I’ll stay here.” Esme proposed and reluctantly, Tommy left them. “He’s going to be all over you now.” She pointed to Y/N.

“He warned me already.”

A small smile started to form, she had been on a rollercoaster of emotions.

Esme started rubbing her arms. “I got you something, I know Polly gave you the black Madonna, but I want you to have the evil eye protection too.” Esme took a small sack. “It’s not as good as your father’s work and it’s made out of the gold my family has stolen, but… I want you to have this.”

Y/N respected so much the gypsy’s traditions and beliefs, she had learned so much about them and it wasn’t about the material of the necklace, it was about Esme’s gesture towards her and her baby.

“Thank you, Esme. I will wear it every day.”

As Tommy entered again in the room, Y/N noticed the newspaper in his hand.

“I’ll go back to the shop now.”

Both Tommy and Y/N thanked her and Y/N showed him her new necklace. Esme had a wild temper, but also a good heart.

———

Three days in the hospital were enough, Tommy quickly turned it into his new office and bedroom, she just wanted to go home whatever that was.

Ada’s house was conveniently close to the hospital, it also had a guest bedroom on the first floor. Tommy moved the covers to help Y/N and tucked her in. “I’m going to bring your bag, don’t move.” He chuckled.

“Tommy.”

He had been watching over her every move, now she didn’t want to even try to get comfortable in bed because he would be arranging the pillows in seconds.

Y/N patted the space in bed next to her. Tommy exhaled the smoke from his cigarette and placed it on the tray that was on the bedside table.

“Now that we’re past the danger.”

“You still need to take it slow, there’s nothing granted.”

There was something that had been on her mind, something that was keeping her from taking a deep breath, her eyes filled with tears and her voice broke down. “I need you to forgive me for what I was about to do to our child. I should’ve never doubted your love.”

“I have nothing to forgive you, I love you, Y/N believe me when I say that.” Taking out the handkerchief from his jacket, Tommy wiped her tears. “I never meant to hurt you either, I was just doing what seemed best to make it to Epsom. Now I know it was a terrible mistake.”

“What if May doesn’t help you to take Hope into the races because you didn’t sleep with her? Epsom is a few weeks away.”

“I don’t care about that anymore.” Holding her hands tightly between his, he looked into her eyes. “All I want is to know that you and me baby are safe.”

“How did you get away from that?” He couldn’t just walk out of her house.

Tommy arched his eyebrows. “After dinner, I excused myself to get some rest… I knew she was waiting for me, she sent a maid to my room with instructions to find her bedroom. I took Hope ridding for a couple of hours to clean my head and when I made it back to the stables I found a man and asked for some oil engine for the car, he helped me, went back to my room and left a note saying I couldn’t stay.” Tommy finished the remains of his cigarette and looked at Y/N. “I tried to explain how it wouldn’t be professional from me to mix pleasure and business until the races passed. After Epsom I was planning to break any contact with May. The less damage I can do the better.” It was a low blow, he knew that, but at least he wouldn’t cross the line. “Now, if she takes it badly, I will understand if she doesn’t want to train Hope anymore, like I said I don’t care. I know there’s a limit.”

“But you shouldn’t give up this Tommy, you fought so hard for this moment.”

“If taking over Epsom will mean I have to sleep with someone else, then… I’m not longer interested, there will be other races.”

“There has to be a way.”

“There is… but it’s cruel.” He admitted. “I don’t want you to worry about it.” His thumb and forefinger caressed Y/N’s chin, Tommy gave her an adoring look. “I don’t want to make the same mistake twice, I’m going to be completely honest with you about my plans, but I need you to trust me.”

“I do, Tommy… no more doubts, I know you love us.”

“You’re my life now.” Y/N pulled him for a soothing kiss, one that told the other one everything words couldn’t express, one that professed the adoration they had for each other. Letting the other know they could leave all the pain behind.

As their lips pulled apart, their bodies found their own way to link together, both falling in a spell like a magnet. The most gentle and honest hug they had shared, forgetting completely about anything else, it was one of those hugs that brings you back to life and you just can’t break away from the embrace.

Polly opened the bedroom door without knocking, Y/N’s Mum following her, she was delighted to see Tommy again after his visit in London, he had asked back then permission to date her daughter even though they were already together, but he wanted to make things right. Both women stared silently at the couple and shared a look of complicity followed by a smile.

Closing the door, Polly offered her best friend some tea in the kitchen.

“Who would have thought your idea would work out like this?”

“It was the perfect match.” Y/N’s Mum praised accepting the cup.

***

Next part

A/N: this is not the end! More coming soon… if you like this story your comments are my guideline

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#That’s what Cill said #cillian murphy #tommy shelby #peaky blinders #cillian murphy imagine #thomas shelby #tommy shelby imagine #peaky blinders imagine #tommy shelby x fem!reader #tommy shelby x reader #tommy shelby x you #polly gray imagine #thomas shelby x you #peaky blinders fan fiction #esme shelby #Esme Shelby imagine

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genderisareligion · 2 years

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I hate my father tbh

Yesterday we went to a trip in the huge mall to get me new jackets and he noted how much I have changed since I got calmer I guess (I used to be easily upset and angry)

I mean he was kind, we spend nice time together in the mall, he supports me in my study.

But it made me think today how the truth is that I just started to put a better act of being respectful around him like honestly if I could be like how I truly feel towards him he'd surely beat me up or threaten to beat me up again, what a piece of shit.

It's just sooo sad I think he truly believes just because we spent some good time together we are all good now, fat chance the dynamic I have towards him isn't really different from the dynamic I have towards anyone I meet in context of work etc., the same dynamic I wouldn't miss if we were to part ways tbh.

He belongs to the "other men are worse" "you should have only positif feelingz or do you want me go mad??" moids that he puts a feminist facade in sense of what status it would bring if his daughters had higher education too to be independent to not marry an abusive moid (even though he is one but he is one of the GOOD ones right??)

when in truth is he is casually misogynistic whenever it suits him I genuinly hate how fucking lazy he is at home after work despite once having a "I go for walk for three hours" phase, not even during summer holidays he once bothered making anything in the household while my pick me mother who should finally regret having wasted her life unlike her younger sisters was on vacation. I think I adressed this twice or so and he just put a "I once did it, I do repair shittt" card. Guess who had to play cook as a fucking teen.

He went to therapy once and in the past everytime he demanded to know why I was pissy and I explained he'd just put a but but but just downplaying or dismissing my feelings, I felt like he only demanded to know so that he could "since to him it was a normal day when I was harmed by him" rationalize it away "look at me I don't care about that and let me tell you why" were the vibes I got.

I remember how he offered me to beat him while I was an angry teen which I did with a fist once and he acted all pained, piece of shit asked me if I did not feel sorry for him even though he never once felt sorry for me for the same thing when I was a kid who didn't know better. Funny how he had displayed extreme rage in public even towards his own boss yet never beat them up, as if he feared a thing called legal consequences.

I genuinly think once I'm independent and break contact with him that he will belong to one of the old fucks who ask on quora or yahoo why their children don't want to talk to them anymore, but never reflect on what kind of role their abusive actions against them played and even if they did they'd say it wasn't that bad, you deserved it, stop whining about it "my mom beat me up too" yeah your widow mom with 6 sons in a backwater muslim village with only income being neighbour donations.

Yeah anyways piece of shit was married before my mom and apparently he beat his first wife so hard that she had a miscarriage because of him.

And my mother knew her but didn't know she used to be married to him and when she announced her that she is going to get married to pos, his ex-wife warned her and told her not to.

Of course my dumb as shit pick me ma believed sHe wAs jUsT jEalOus, and I think she doesn't regret her worst decision in her wasted live enough.

His ex wife remarried years ago and I genuinly wish that she is married to some hvm but I bet she is either married to another physically abusive moid and gave it up or to a lvm who is perfect because he doesn't beat her up.

Jfc I'm so sorry you went through this anon. What kind of grown man looks at his own daughter and is like "I'm gonna ask her to beat me"?? Fathers are capable of the most deranged shit

I can relate to being told "others have it worse" with my dad, who wasn't nearly as bad as yours but definitely did the whole "my daughters will be highly educated and too independent for an abuser" despite being an abuser to my mom himself. He would act nicely (sometimes, depending on his sobriety I guess) to us and then treat her like he was a monster and say the most vile shit about her to us, yet we were supposed to believe that he thought women were smart and capable humans worthy of respect. Like bro you can't even treat the woman you "love most" that way, so...

Anyway daughters with shit fathers who survived deserve reparations

#shadow.txt #ask.txt

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atlas-of-a-human-soul · 4 years

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frENEMIES, pt. 14 - Finale {Quarterback AU}

Series Masterlist

Gnawing on the inside of her cheek, Y/N felt guilty. She not only felt guilty, but evil because just looking into Mike's eyes that looked at her current state and easily deducted she was already Grayson's in more ways than one, he looked like she just ripped his heart out and danced on his grave.

"Really? Grayson fucking Dolan?" Mike exclaimed, his voice losing all the toughness he had with Grayson, the flowers in his hands shaking and not with rage.

"Look, I don't care. I'm crazy about you. Okay? I can get passed this if you're having regrets." And she felt even worse when she realized she could do whatever and Mike would still want her. But she wanted Grayson, as scary and uncertain as he can be, she wanted Grayson fucking Dolan.

Glancing at Grayson who seemed to have genuinely worried about her next move, she realized she had to end this torture and fast.

"Mike, I'm really sorry but...it's Grayson. You knew that, hell, you read the book! And I hate how it all happened, but I love this idiot and if I don't try, I'll hate myself." Sniffing, she rubbed her nose before locking eyes with Grayson who had a wide smile on his face because she just uttered the L word and it wasn't in an over the top way he imagined it would be and it wasn't really dramatic, it was as easy as breathing for her and that made it memorable.

"Yeah." Mike sighed, nodding to himself as his gaze fell to the floor and he licked his lips, gathering strength. "Hope you don't live to regret it. I really do." And he turned around, leaving the flowers he brought her on the table next to her front door before walking away.

"Are you okay?" Grayson stepped in front of her, breaking her unrelenting gaze that focused on the bouquet of lilacs - her favorite.

"I am. You're here, aren't you?" She inhaled deeply before looking up at her quarterback, giving him a small smile until he picked up on her wish and leaned in, kissing her lips.

"Now, how about that breakfast?"

The pair had found a way to be happy, leaving New York together on Sunday. Y/N didn't want Grayson to breach his contract and get him in legal trouble, so she followed him to L.A. thinking she can be a writer anywhere. And she was right because her sequel came out three years later, painting their reunion bittersweet considering the heart that broke in the process and the many issues they faced.

They were married six months into their relationship, already planning a family...a family they wouldn't be able to start so easily.

It killed them both, making it hard for Grayson to watch her sinking further every month. They've tried the normal way, they tried ovulation stimulation, they underwent so many diagnostic procedures to find the reason why but they got nothing. The doctors simply couldn't understand why she wasn't pregnant, and she was convinced it was karma.

"I broke Mike's heart and this is my punishment." She truly believed it.

Y/N took it the hardest, aware that she was failing not only herself but Grayson who always rambled about having a big family. It’s why she underwent the most painful procedures to get to the bottom of the issue, but got nothing in return.

She pulled away, hating herself, blaming herself, breaking to pieces. Until she gave up. There was so much hope in her for the first year, even as they kept causing her pain to find the cause in order to remove it, but the hope was gone after that and... She simply gave up on having children and that's when the surprise came.

"Y/N, love, why are you here?" Grayson looked at her with pure confusion and some worry because Y/N never came to his practice, saying she wanted him to focus. But she was there, her eyes filled with tears as he approached her.

"I had to come. I had to see you." Picking around her bag, she managed to find the item in question, pushing it onto his palm with excitement.

"Are we? Am I gonna be a dad?" His voice is shaky, his mind coming to a stop as he stared at the plus. The plus that meant his wife would finally return to him, that sex would be love making again and not just a reproductive action, that she will stop crying in the bathroom at night thinking he can't hear her as he too cried because of the pain he saw was tearing her apart. It meant she would finally be happy in their marriage, that she won't waste away watching his brother's daughter grow with her heart breaking each year. It meant so much more than a baby and Grayson was beyond happy because their next step was artificial insemination and in vitro fertilization which would be hard on her with more hormones being pumped into her body, possible failures and miscarriages that would only weaken her body and soul more.

That plus was everything he could ever want and Grayson never felt quite as happy than the day she had come for him at practice, pulling him away to the doctor's where they confirmed her pregnancy. Until the babies came and the ovulation pills have apparently worked too well because Grayson instantly had more kids than Ethan - identical twin girls.

"I didn't think this book would be such a success, but I guess people love enemies to lovers trope, huh?" She laid back, watching Grayson carry their girls, each nested in one arm, sleeping peacefully after their cramps eased up.

"I'd say it's the slow burn, maybe even the struggles to convince." He whispers and she has to hold back a chuckle to not wake the babies. The cramps they've been struggling with had both of them on edge, not sleeping for weeks.

"Or the fact everyone knows it's you, even if I never named you." She shrugs, realizing he's ready to put them down, watching with a grimace because she had a nagging feeling both girls would wake up the moment they don't feel their dad's warmth.

"I'm getting better at this." Proud, Grayson snuck back to the bed, way too happy about the silence that followed as he finally put his head down and relaxed.

"You're a good dad, but I'll bet you they will be up in less than ten minutes." Y/N smirked, aware that it took them hours to stop crying which meant their feeding time was pretty much now.

And just as he said deal, the babies started screaming and he wanted to cry too.

"You don't get to cry right now, quarterback! They're living off my boobs, not yours."

But still, they were happy, blissful even as they laid there tired, the babies eating while Y/N tried to stay awake and Grayson did the same just in case she fell asleep. He was definitely a hands on dad, always helping out even if he did gag every diaper change or had offered to ‘milk’ her on the first night and she cried because she thought he called her a cow - a big misunderstanding caused by his overwhelming need to help her because one baby was hard, two felt impossible.

"I love you and I'm so grateful for you and everything you do. For giving me these little girls that drive me crazy already and they're barely a month old, but also for loving me at my worst." Kissing her forehead, Grayson watched her tenderly, aware that his life had truly started when she came into his life and when she started loving him. Being dubbed worthy of love by a woman like her meant the world to him.

"Imagine someone telling us we'd be here back in college? I'd have thought they need a psychiatrist. But I'm happy. I really am. Even when I hated you during the difficulty of pregnancy and labor."

"You hated me?" Grayson's eyes widen and she smiles, aware if she laughed both babies would get scared and wail and do you know how hard it is to settle two wailing babies and convince them to eat? It’s hell she didn’t think worthy of risk for a single laugh.

"You try carrying two humans and then pushing them out of a very small hole. The point is, I love you too, quarterback. I do."

Finding comfort in one another, they braved that night and many more to come, always in love with each other to the point of embarrassing their kids, two more that came after, but isn't that what we all want? Someone that is your best friend, partner in crime and lover until the day we die? Y/N found that in her quarterback, realizing people are more than what they show on the surface and the line between love and hate is a fickle one.

Tags: @livexdolan @dreadingdaisies @strangerliaa @mendesficsxbombay @beinscorpio @peacedolantwins @dolandolll @idekxdolan

#dolan twins #grayson dolan #grayson dolan x reader #grayson dolan fic #grayson dolan fanfiction #grayson dolan fluff #grayson dolan fanfic #grayson dolan angst #grayson dolan quarterback au #grayson dolan quarterback

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holylulusworld · 4 years

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Devil’s Bargain - Part 13 - Even the devil can fall in love

Summary: Getting the job as Jared Padalecki’s assistant was a dream coming true until you woke up in a living nightmare. He’s angry, selfish and possessive. The worst of all - his anger is focused on you. Quitting your job was your only way out - only it wasn’t the end of your nightmare...

Pairing: Jared Padalecki x Reader, OFC’s Brad, Caleb and Mark (readers brothers), OFC’s Dr. Harold, OFC Scott

Warnings: angst, language, comforting, fluff, longing, mentions of rape/miscarriage/possible infertility (nothing graphic but it gets mentioned so head the warnings), past abuse, mentions of violence, therapy

Devil’s Bargain Masterlist

Two months later…

“Rules, punk.” Mark circles Jared like his prey, smirking as he can watch Jared’s hand shake. “If you ever even try to hurt our sister, you are dead meat.”

“The reason you made it into the house alive is Y/N and her alone. If you want to make it out of the house alive, you better listen to what we have to say.” Caleb nods at Brad who is not amused about Jared’s presence.

“Y/N got hurt before, you added to her pain, even ripped old wounds open. According to her, you are doing better, but if you ever dare to say a wrong word, dare to look at another girl…” Pursing his lips Brad points toward the baseball bat in Mark’s hands.

“I get it. First, thank you for inviting me to your lovely home.” Jared stammers while you smile to yourself. “Then I want to thank you for being there for Y/N after I messed up everything.”

“We don’t need your appreciation, asshole. Y/N is our baby sister. Of course, we are there for her.” Mark grunts. “We don’t need Jared Padafucky to tell us so.”

Laughing you lean against the doorframe, not stepping in as promised. Before you agreed Jared can meet your brothers, you told him he must ‘survive’ their wrath.

“That’s not what I want to say…” Stammering get’s a piece of paper out. “I…I am sorry. I hurt Y/N out of selfishness and as I was too chicken to admit my feelings. I promise - no swear to worship the ground she’s walking from now on.”

Mark narrows his eyes, brushing the baseball bat over Jared’s nose. “If you dare to touch her, you are dog food.”

“Mark…” Sighing you step closer, but Jared shakes his head. “I’ve got this, Y/N. He is right. I lost the privilege to touch or kiss you. Maybe I shouldn’t be allowed to be in the same room.”

“Damn right, Padafucky,” Caleb mutters as Brad points toward you. “If you ever dare to do her wrong again, you won’t survive, that’s for sure. Y/N decided to help you even though you are not worth the dirt under her shoes.”

“I know…” Shuffling on his feet Jared listens to all the insults, calling names and threats. He doesn’t respond, only looks at you the whole time and a shy smile appears on his lips. “I want to make her happy…”

“Gosh, sis. Is he stupid or deaf?” Mark groans as you finally step in to take Jared’s hand in yours, interlacing your fingers.

“That’s enough, boys. I love you but Jared came here to make the first step of many to do redemption. Now we all will hug each other and promise to not yell again.” Giggling you peck Mark’s cheek. “I was just kidding, big brother. I know you mean well.”

“If he wants to be a part of your life, he has to earn it. I still do not trust that bastard.” Swinging the baseball bat in front of Jared your brother smirks. “One false step, Jared.”

“He will behave. Now stop threatening him. We have somewhere else to be in an hour. Just make sure you will have the barbecue ready when we are back.” Giving Caleb a wink you grab Jared’s hand to lead him out of the living room.

“That punk won’t get meat!” Mark calls after you. “Only a bun!”

“And a salad!” Brad chuckles.

“This must be odd to you, Y/N.” Jared’s therapist starts, eying you suspiciously. “I heard from Jared you want to forgive him.”

“What must be odd? Being here with Jared after what happened or being at the practice of a therapist?”

“The later, Y/N.”

“Well…” Placing your hand onto Jared’s thigh you straighten your back.

“I was at a therapist practice before. I even went to therapy after my ex-boyfriends raped and almost killed me. He killed my baby and I felt responsible for his doings.” Jaw going slack about your boldness Jared’s therapist needs a moment to compose herself.

“Y/N,” Jared whispers as his hand presses yours gently. “You didn’t have to tell her. I know this is…”

“Jared, that was years ago, and I moved on. I had time to overthink my life and realized if I want to be able to have a healthy relationship with anyone, I have to leave the things dragging me down behind.” Meeting Jared’s eyes you give him a cracked smile.

“Baby…I…I don’t know what to say but if you want to get rid of me too, I will understand.” Jared’s voice is hoarse, and you can hear the tears behind his words.

“Jared, I am here at your therapist’s practice.” Patting his thigh, you huff. “This means I try to move on…with you.”

“With me…” Gasping Jared gives you a shy smile. “Did you heat that doc? She wants to move on with me.”

“Y/N, I know this is Jared’s session but do you want to tell us more about your plans and what happened back then?” Clearing her throat she looks at you, asking you for permission and you nod silently.

“When I woke in the hospital I was confused at first but then everything came back, crushing me. While the doctor talked about trauma, therapy and that I lost my baby I felt like I was under water.” Sniffling you look at your hands. “She told me the damage was…serious.”

“I am sorry, Y/N…” Doctor Harold whispers, knowing what you imply. “Is there a chance?”

“30 percent the doctor said and everyone else said the same. I probably never will be able to conceive a child due to the damage Scott did.” Jared’s hand starts to shake as he grasps for yours to kiss it softly.

“Y/N, thank you for being honest. Can we talk some more?” Nodding you squeeze your eyes shut, taking a deep breath. “Good. What happened to Scott?”

“I never talked about this part. You need to know, everything I am going to tell you is only a story, not what happened…” Smirking you meet her eyes and she nods.

“Maybe three tall and strong men called a few friends and maybe one of them brought Scott to these men.”

“Is Scott still alive? Did he get punished for his crimes?” Stammering the therapist searches your face and you nod.

“He is, and he got punished. Let’s say those men had some time alone with Scott. Let’s say they broke a few bones and more before calling the police.” Now your eyes darken.

“Let’s say the friend bringing Scott to those men works at a prison and let slip that Scott likes to rape women and kill babies…”

“You don’t have to come with me, Jared.” Glancing at Jared gripping the steering wheel tight enough to turn his knuckles white you take a deep breath. “I have to face him one last time. I need to close this chapter of my life.”

“I won’t leave you alone with that monster. He hurt my girl, he…” Choking on his words Jared blinks the tears away. “That man did horrible things to you and I need to make sure you are not alone this time.”

“Jared…”

“I was an idiot, Y/N. If I could turn back time, I would do so but now I can be there for you and I will. Let’s go in there and show that bastard you moved on.” Jared’s voice is lower now and you can hear the anger. “I will not turn evil again.”

Jared saw the fear as you heard his tone change. “You need to understand that I still can’t trust you completely, Jared. What you did hurt me deeply and I will need more time to give you access to my heart again.”

“All I am asking for is a chance, Y/N. If you decide you can’t give me that, I’ll accept your decision and we can try to become friends.” His hand gently strokes your cheek and you lean into his touch.

“I’ve missed your devilish side for sure…” Laughing you press your lips against Jared’s and he cups your face to hold you in place. “Maybe we can go back to me being a brat and you nagging. I’d like to be your bad girl…”

“OH, you like my asshole side?” Smirking Jared pecks your lips. “I am still a dom, Y/N…”

“I know you are, Baby.” Sighing you fist his shirt. “Shame you didn’t show me your inner dom that night. That was a dick move for sure.”

“Baby, I’ll show you everything you want me to one day.” Kissing Jared one last time you want to get out of the car, but he stops you. “Was he a dom too?”

Flustered you nod, biting your lip. “During college, I discovered I like to be a sub, a bratty one. My boyfriend didn’t understand, and we only did vanilla stuff. With Scott…”

“You could let this side out…” Sniffling you pat Jared’s cheek. “I assume he wasn’t a good dom?”

“At first I thought his tendency to find a reason to spank me, to punish me is just his dominant side but when my butt started to bleed, when I had bruises and bloody bite marks I knew this has nothing to do with a fetish. It was him hurting me on purpose.”

Shifting in your seat you look at the prison. “I used my safeword one time and he slapped my face hard enough to bruise. Later he said I was a brat, but I knew it was a lie. After that night…”

“I get it. He wanted to hide he’s an abusive asshole. BDSM has nothing to do with abuse. Abuse is abuse. BDSM is consensual and never abusive. You use your safe word; I stop and do aftercare.” Jared mumbles, balling his hands into fists. “I swear I will kill him.”

The walk toward the room is incredibly uncomfortable even though Jared is holding your hand, squeezing it gently as the guard opens the door.

Angry eyes glare at you and there’s no doubt, Scott didn’t learn his lesson. Instead of showing regret or to apologize he snarls your name.

“Did the whore find a new idiot to bear her shit?” Scott spats as Jared squares his jaw. “I bet she’s not as good in bed as before…”

“I swear if the guard wouldn’t be in the same room, I would rip you apart.” Jared is panting heavily. His eyes are at least three shades darker and you can see the ‘devil’ shine through again.

“She’s mine, my good girl and I can tell…” Smirking Jared places his hands onto the table. “I enjoy having her in any way possible and the best is…”

“What is the best, asshole?”

“She’s going to have my baby…” Rubbing your belly Jared lies straight to Scott's face and enjoys the struggle all over the man’s face. “You didn’t destroy her. If anything, you made her stronger and now she can be as bratty as she wants to be.”

“YOU!” Jumping up Scott struggles against the chains holding him. “I will kill you!”

“No, you won’t.” Face stoic, eyes hard you look at Scott. “Tiny, pitiful man.” Smirking you enjoy the gasp leaving Scott's lips. “We are done here, Jared. I want to go home…”

“You won’t get away! Next time I will slit your throat!” Cursing and yelling Scott wants to attack you but the guards hold him back, smirking as you give Scott a wink.

“Let’s go, Baby Girl. That tiny man wasted enough of your time.” Jared leads you out of the room, wrapping his arms around you the moment the door shuts behind you.

“Breathe, Y/N. I am here, he can’t hurt you again. Look at me.” Panting you look up at Jared, laughing as he tries to calm you. “I love you.”

“You love me…huh?”

“Even the devil can fall in love.” Gently stroking your arms Jared let you rest your head against his chest. “Y/N and we are going to make it through this…together…”

“Together…”

SPN Forever Tags

@donnaintx, @screechingartisancashbailiff, @fallen-wolf22, @sister-winchesters99, @mogaruke, @the-is13, @helloitsmeamie203, @sandlee44, @strayrosesbloom, @notyourtypicalrose, @thewinchesterco, @marvelfansworld @hobby27, @gh0stgurl, @flamencodiva, @jay-and-dean, @voltage-my2dlove, @spnhollis, @chonisberonica, @wittysunflower, @supernaturalenchanted, @shikshinkwon, @yolobloggers, @hhiggs, @laxe-from-outer-space, @ilovefanfic86, @linki-locks11, @eggingamazinglove, @trumpettay, @fandom-imagines1, @thenamelesschibi, @waywardbaby, @straycuties9, @drakelover78, @stuckys-whore, @zxph-yr, @i-love-superhero, @unlikelysamwinchesteronahunt, @deepmuffinspymaker, @katsav17, @heyitscam99, @fandom-princess-forevermore, @neii3n, @exo-nova, @cocklesbelli, @echoesofpassion, @lauravic, @shatteredabby, @deanmonandnegansbitch, @sea040561, @lemondropirwin, @lonewolf471, @wronglanemendes, @juniorhuntersam, @helpmeluci, @goodgodimaweirdperson, @shadowkat-83, @alltimesamantha, @officialmarvelwhore, @meganywinchester, @miraclesoflove, @maniacproffesor, @hollymac79, @kayla-2000, @gracefultrenchcoat494, @babygirls-fav, @spnwoman, @amiquette, @alexoloughlinlover32, @geekofmanyforms, @jessica-marsh09, @spnficgirl, @shut-themoonscone, @thequeenreaders, @countrygal17a, @atomicfandombomb, @kteelou, @soryuwifeyxx, @kricketc28, @defenderrosetyler, @shortwinchester, @maybesomedaygayyyy, @tmiships4life, @sabascio, @that-place-called-middle-earth, @the-broken-angel-13, @bunnybaby89, @pandabiiissh, @maddiedott, @lilulo-12, @theoneandonlymelol, @mblaqgi, @clawsandshotguns, @justsomedreaming, @cassiopeia-barrow, @its-the-timey-wimey-winchesters, @mscarter213, @jo-like-josette, @mep6811, @prettydeaneyes, @rvgrsbrns, @deanwanddamons, @tearsforhan, @certaindeanwinchesterforcastiel

Sam/Jared Forever Tags

@moosekateer13, @thevelvetseries, @train-wrecc

Devils Bargain

@bitchwhytho, @babygirls-fav, @the-soulofdevil, @albinotigerpython, @squirrelnotsam, @i-am-a-mes, @aubageddon91, @jessiejunebug, @thebooksoverthemovies, @rebeq88-samw

#Devil’s Bargain Masterlist #Supernatural RPF #RPF #spn rpf #rpf fanfic #Jared Padalecki #angst #jared padalecki fanfiction #jared x reader #jared padalecki x reader #jared x you #jared padalecki series

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msjr0119 · 4 years

Text

We Belong

Part 11 - Heaven (continued)

Evangeline Bruley returns to Cordonia to take over her families Duchy. She was betrothed to the now King, however he is engaged to Duchess Riley but still has lingering feelings towards his first love. What will happen during her time back in Cordonia?

Just using combined tag list- if you want to be removed just let me know 😊

@pedudley @kacie-0156 @loveellamae @annekebbphotography @burnsoslow @ladyangel70 @kingliam2019 @bbrandy2002 @butindeed @bascmve01 @drakewalker04 @captain-kingliamsqueen @duchessemersynwalker @kozabaji @texaskitten30 @ibldw-main @kimmiedoo5 @nikkis1983 @gnatbrain @walker7519 @lodberg @cmestrella @hopefulmoonobject @addictedtodrakefanfic @angi15h @liamxs-world @rafasgirl23415 @notoriouscs @yukinagato2012 @dcbbw @qammh-blog @nz1091 @cordonianroyalty @custaroonie @seriouslybadchoices @rainbowsinthestorm @princess-geek @jared2612 @desiree---1986 @gardeningourmet @twinkle-320 @queenjilian @forthebrokenheartedthings-blog @princessleac1 @scarletreesex

Warnings: Drama sorry not in this chapter 😉...FLUFF! What is wrong with me? I never do a full chapter of fluff, now I’ve done two 🤣, swearing, matchmaking friends 🙌🏼, smut.

This parts in two parts- click the continue link at the bottom to finish the part off 😊

Characters belong to Pixelberry apart from OC’s; Duchess Evangeline Bruley and Duke Tobias Farbridge.

*****

Drake and Evie woke up the following morning. Both feeling content in each other’s presence.

“Morning.” Drake said as he stretched his arms. They had a slight bit of cramp in them as he held Evie tenderly all night.

“Good morning. Thank you for staying.”

“No need to thank me, Evie.”

“Can I plait your hair now?” Smirking at him, she saw the horror written across his face.

“No chance! We’re not kids now. I only let you two mess with my hair and paint my nails because you ganged up on me. I was thinking....”

“Thinking about when you’ll allow us to do it again?” She laughed before seeing the serious expression he was providing her.

“No. We have time to go to the graves before the bachelor and bachelorette parties later.”

“That’s today? It slipped my mind!” Fuck I need to go to the hospital.

“Yeah, I mean you don’t have to go- Savannah won’t be offended. But I have no choice. Shoot me now.”

“I’d rather not shoot you. Quick get out of bed then, we have a busy day.”

*****

Arriving at the graveyard, luckily they were all buried near each other. When the two of them rushed out of bed, they quickly wrote a letter each; one for Jackson and one for Evie’s parents. On route, the stopped by a shop and bought a teddy each as well as a balloon.

Jackson Walker, beloved husband and father to Drake and Savannah.

“Hey, Dad. I hope you’re up there still looking down on us all. Sav is getting married tomorrow, I hope you’ll be there with her on her big day. Bartie looks the spitting image of you everyday that goes by. The main reason for me coming today, was to let you know that you was going to be a grandfather again. However life didn’t work out that way- I hope you are looking after mine and Evie’s baby, no dipping it’s pacifier in the whiskey though! No wonder I took a liking to the brown liquid.” Evie placed her hand on his shoulder, laughing at Jackson’s antics- before kneeling next to him, intertwining her fingers with his. This little gesture gave him the encouragement to continue.

“I miss you so much Dad, I hope I am making you proud- even though I have made some mistakes. If I do anymore please give me a kick up the ass. I love you, I always will do.” Placing the teddy bear on the grave, along with the fresh flowers he had bought in memory of his father- he wiped away the tears that were rolling down his cheek.

“My little baby, I’m so sorry I couldn’t protect you or your Mom. I am going to feel guilty for the rest of my life. I keep imagining what you’d have been like- obviously you’d have got your mom’s looks, and quite possibly her intelligence. But I’d have taught you skills that you need to know; including how to make s’mores. You can’t beat s’mores. I love you, I always will do.” Standing up, Evie pulled him into a hug. They lingered there for a while before making their way to her parents graves.

Duke Alexander Bruley and Duchess Michaela Bruley. Parents to Evangeline, both sadly missed.

“Hey you two. I bet you are ready to berate me. I can’t help it if danger likes to follow me. Surely? I’m just like a magnet. So Liam got married, Savannah and Duke Bertrand are getting married tomorrow. I know how you loved weddings Mother. When my time comes to get married, I hope that you are both there with me- in spirit. I wish you could walk me down the aisle father. Drakes here with me, you know the spare heir to our Duchy. I bet he’s glad that I survived.” Playfully nudging him, he held her. “Myself and Drake started a relationship, and I was pregnant. We lost our baby, but we hope that the both of you as well as Jackson are looking after your grandchild for us both. I miss you both so much. I wish I could just spend five minutes with the two of you if god gave us that chance.” Drake kissed her on the forehead, as she fought back the tears.

“To my little angel, I’m so sorry for not being there for you. For not protecting you like a mother should do. Daddy and I love you, we always will do. If you was a girl, you’d have been treat like a princess. If you was a boy, Daddy would have insisted on turning you into a Boy Scout before you could walk. Between myself, Daddy and Auntie Savannah we would have smothered you with love and attention. I love you.” Placing another teddy bear next to her parents grave, the two of them held on to the balloon before releasing it together.

“Thank you for doing this.”

“We both needed this closure, Drake. It was a sweet idea.”

“I better get to the palace, do you need a lift anywhere?”

“Could you drop me off home, I better find something to wear for tonight.”

“Of course I can.” Holding hands, they both slowly walked back to Drakes truck.

Do you think they’ll work things out?

Jackson you know as well as we do, that was the main reason you helped us get her out of that arrangement.

Yes and we are forever grateful for that, Jackson you knew before anyone did- they were too close to be just friends.

*****

Evie arrived at the hospital. She decided to go to there then straight to Ramsford for the bachelorette party. Spending as little time at home as she was on a tight schedule.

“Duchess Evangeline, it’s good to see you. If you are ready- please follow me into my office.” Evie nodded as she followed Dr Hussain.

“How are you feeling?”

“Fine considering I was stabbed and had a miscarriage.” Raising her eyebrows at the doctor, he gulped- he knew she would find out one day and was now regretting that this day had finally arrived.

“I’m sorry for the deceit Duchess Evangeline. The king and Duchess Olivia didn’t want to hurt your feelings. I went against hospital protocol and I feel awful for it. Do you have any questions regarding that or the wound?”

“Why did I miscarry? Was it due to that?”

“There are many reasons why women miscarry...”

“So it wasn’t due to me being stabbed?”

“Not necessarily.”

“Can I have children in the future?”

“I don’t see any problem as to why you won’t be able to conceive in the future. But if you do, I would suggest that you come in for regular scans. Are you planning on becoming pregnant soon?”

“No. I just wanted to know.”

“Would it be okay to have a scan now and have a look at your wound?” Evie nodded, attempting to hold the tears back.

*****

Bertrand and the men all met at a local bar in the capitol, he wasn’t one to let loose- but the men, especially Leo - had got the Duke drunk very quickly.

“Drake... I ... loveee your sister ... so much... I’m going... to look after her.... don’t you worry.”

“Good, because if not...”

“I know... you’ll beat the shit .. out of me...” Bertrand responded in between hip cupping.

“No, Bertrand. I’ll just never trust you again.” Leo and Drake assisted the Duke to sit down, as they did Bertrand was swaying before being sick all down himself.

“Liam get him some coffee, or he’s never going to make it to the wedding. And for a treat for the rest of us, I have a surprise. I’d like to introduce you to Brandy.”

“Leo, you know you’re the only single one here. I’d like to keep my bollocks thank you.” Liam smirked at his older brother.

“Drakes single too. C’mon you miseries- it’s bachelor night tradition to have a stripper!”

Drake shook his head, those words were technically true- he was single. But he wouldn’t do that to Evie.

“I might be ‘single’ but I don’t want to see another woman naked infront of me.” Liam pulled Drake to the side, as Leo looked frustrated at all the loyal men.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yeah why wouldn’t it be?”

“I heard that you slept at Evie’s last night...”

“I’m still in the doghouse Li. I don’t know if she will ever forgive me. We went to our parents graves today- sent a balloon up to the sky for the baby. Everything just hurts so much. I’m jealous of what you and Riley have- we could have had that if I didn’t fuck up.”

“Evie will come around. Why don’t you and I take Bertrand back? Did Savannah leave anything last night by the way?” I know she did, I just want to know why you haven’t mentioned it.

“Why would she leave anything?”

“Nevermind.”

*****

Evie arrived at Ramsford later than expected, out of breath she announced her presence as she barged through the door- all the women gawking at her as if she had grown ten heads. Savannah smiled softly at her.

“About time! Where the fuck have you been?” Olivia snapped at her, before pulling her in for a hug.

“Ouch! Why have you got daggers on you? It’s a bachelorette party! And I’ve been at the hospital- you know checking that the miscarriage was fully over- the miscarriage that you all kept from me.”

“Evie, I’m sorry. We didn’t know what to do.”

“It’s fine. I’m here now.” Riley overheard the conversation, feeling guilty that she was carrying a healthy baby.

“Hey.”

“Hey look at you... what are you feeding my niece or nephew?”

“Your niece is craving anything and everything.”

“It’s a girl?” Riley nodded, Evie bent down to Riley’s growing bump. “Hey darling, it’s auntie Evie here. We are going to have to convince your parents to call you Evie- what do you think?”

“I think you’re delusional, they are calling her Olivia!” The three women stood together talking about potential names for the future crown princess. Kiara and Penelope joined in, Evie suddenly felt an awkward situation occurring.

“Bonjour Evangeline, how are you doing? I’m so sorry about what happened.”

“Je vais bien merci d'avoir demandé. Tu n'es pas en colère contre moi Es-tu?”

Kiara pulled her in for a hug, no one knew what Evie had said apart from Kiara.

“Pourquoi serais-je en colère contre toi? Parce que je suis tombé amoureux de Drake. Il était à toi avant. Je ne veux pas que cela affecte notre amitié.”

“Myself and Drake would have never worked out, he was clearly in love with you all this time. I’m not angry. It’s not going to affect our friendship.” The women around them now were grateful for Kiara speaking English for once- now they understood what the conversation was about between the two intellectual women.

Savannah joined the circle, explaining that they were all going to have a pampering session.

“How are you feeling about tomorrow Duchess Beaumont to be?”

“Evie, I’m shitting myself. But it’s my day. I’ve been waiting for this day to come for ages. I wanted to ask you something...” Evie waited for her to elaborate, assuming it was going to be Savannah’s way of digging for gossip after she left abruptly last night.

“Will you be my maid of honor? We’ve always been like sisters in my eyes. You looked after me as if I was your younger sister. All my favourite memories are of us two, especially when we bullied Drake.”

“I haven’t got a dress?”

“I bought you one incase you said yes. It’s upstairs.”

“I’d love to be your maid of honor Sav.” Savannah’s eyes lit up, feeling relieved that she had accepted.

The night went by, the women socialised drinking mocktails- So Riley didn’t feel left out. As the women left one by one, there was only Savannah and Evie left- they took the opportunity to try the dress on. Luckily it was a perfect fit, flaunting all Evie’s assets.

“You look beautiful Evie!”

“I’ll second that.” Turning around, she saw Drake stood in the threshold.

“What are you doing here?” Savannah asked her brother, hoping he had heard her as his eyes were locked onto Evie.

“I came to inform you that Bertrand has passed out, but don’t worry. Luckily he didn’t get chance to see the stripper that Leo had organised.”

“I hope you didn’t either Drake!”

“Why? He’s single.” Evie said in a stern voice.

“That’s what Leo said, you don’t need to remind me Evie.”

“I’ll leave you both alone for a bit.” Savannah smiled at the two of them, hoping this wasn’t going to be the second wedding where neither was talking to each other.

“I’m sorry for snapping at you. I didn’t mean it in a nasty way.”

“Evie, we aren’t all like Leo. You should know that from my eighteenth.”

“When I offered for us all to be your strippers...” Drake nodded, before they both began laughing at the memory.

“I’ll see you tomorrow beautiful.” Drake didn’t want to leave her, if anything he wanted to scoop her up in his arms and stay with her again. As he left Evie looked at herself in the mirror, beautiful- the way he said that word pulled on her heart strings.

*****

Evie had decided to stay the night at Ramsford due to her new role with the wedding, getting up early- she prepared Savannah a champagne style breakfast.

“Aw Evie, you’ve done all this for me?”

“You have to start off your wedding day in style Sav! Eat up, then I’ll do your hair and make up like old times.” They did as they planned, Evie assisted Savannah into her lacy dress before exiting the room to get ready herself.

“You look beautiful princess.. I’m sorry I can’t be there to walk you down the aisle. I know Drake will be the proud big brother doing this role. I love you Sav.”

“Dad?”

“I’ll be there with you on your special day. I love you....”

“I love you too.” Crying as she looked at herself in the mirror, she was glad that Evie used waterproof mascara.

“You look beautiful Sav. Are you ready?” Drake asked as he walked into the room, Evie following shortly after. Turning to face her brother and maid of honor she noticed how Drake had his arm around her waist.

“Wow look at you two. Drake you look dashing, and Evie- are you trying to upstage me?” Pulling the two of them in for a hug, she whispered to the two of them that she loved them both.

“I’m ready to become Mrs Beaumont. With my two favourite people beside me. Let’s go!”

*****

“I now pronounce you man and wife, Duke and Duchess of Ramsford.” Liam said with a grin, before cheers erupted throughout the room. Bertrand lent down kissing his bride, his new wife with passion- he wasn’t sure if it was Savannah that had flooded his senses making him feel drunk or if he was actually still drunk from the previous nights antics.

During the ceremony, Evie sat in between Drake and Maxwell- towards the end of the ceremony Drake placed his hand into hers.

“You’re going to have competition now, with who’s the most beautiful Duchess in Cordonia.” He whispered into her ear. “I was going to compliment you on how handsome you look- but I’ve changed my mind.”

“I take it back, there’s no competition. It’ll always be you.”

“It better be too. I think you’re needed for family photos, I’ll see you at the reception.”

*****

The guests all gathered around for speeches, all praising the newly married couple. Afterwards the guests mingled with each other, Drakes eyes watched Evie’s every movement- Liam noticed and shook his head.

“Why are you sat with us? Go and speak to her.”

“I don’t know what you are talking about your Majesty.”

“Drake, your eyes are following Evie around. Why not make your legs do that too?”

“Okay agent bossy pants!”

“Queen bossy pants, Walker. Do as I command. You don’t want to piss off a pregnant Queen!”

“Your majesties, I hate you both right now, because you are both right. I need to talk to her.” Liam pat him on the shoulder, providing him with an encouraging smile. Handing him a whiskey, Liam knew that his friend was cutting down on alcohol- but knew he would need a bit of Dutch courage. Drake ambled towards Evie, Olivia and Bastien after doing a detour via the DJ. It’s just Evie, you love her- you know she has some love for you. Stop being a nervous wreck.

“Drake, take a seat son.”

“Thanks Bastien, but I just wanted to talk to Evie....” The three of them waited for him to continue, but the words failed to escape from his lips.

“Walker come on she hasn’t got all night. Just spit it out.” Gulping, he took a deep breath.

“Duchess Evangeline, may I have this dance?” Holding his hand out to her, she smiled- standing up he placed his arm around her waist as he guided her towards the dance floor.

“There’s no music yet. We look idiots stood here. You’re smiling, a lot more than usual. What’s up?”

“I requested the next song- I hope you like it, the lyrics mean something to me, to us. Hopefully you’ll understand. It’s my sisters wedding day, even though I’m not thrilled with her choice- Bertrand has stepped up though. He makes her happy, so the protective big brother is happy.”

Oh thinkin' about all our younger years

There was only you and me

We were young and wild and free

Now nothin' can take you away from me

We've been down that road before

But that's over now

“I hope that roads over now, Evie I hope that you’ll forgive me?” Looking into her eyes, she noticed sorrow and hope. Cupping his cheek, she provided him with a smile.

“I already have done. I just don’t want to rush into things like we did before and for it to fuck up.”

“It’s not going to, you are my priority. I don’t have to look after Sav now. Just you and I. I don’t want anything to take you away from me again.”

You keep me comin' back for more

Baby, you're all that I want

When you're lyin' here in my arms

I'm findin' it hard to believe

We're in heaven

And love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven

Even though it was Savannah’s and Bertrand’s day, everyone gathered around watching the two of them slowly dance, whispering to each other as they gazed lovingly into each other’s eye.

“Congratulations baby.” Bianca interrupted the silence.

“Thank you Bianca.” Ignoring her mother’s presence, she focused her gaze towards her brother instead.

“That’s no way to speak to your mother.”

“I will speak to you how I like. You are lucky that Liam allowed you to come. You are not ruining my day. You are not going to mess mine or Drakes lives up anymore. Have a look at your son, MOM. He is trying his hardest to get his rebuild relationship after all the hurt you caused. Can’t you see how much he loves her?”

“He may love her darling, but she’s not right for him...”

“She is perfect for him... I’ve never seen him smile this much...”

“He did with Riley...” Maxwell interrupted whilst overhearing the conversation. Savannah gave him a stern look, encouraging him to change the subject. “Why don’t we all go and join them. Turn this song to the more upbeat type, the DJ Sammy version- have a dance-off?”

“No, leave them to have this dance alone. Don’t you agree Duchess Savannah?” Liam stood along side Savannah, placing a comforting arm around her waist- whilst sternly looking at Bianca. He was ready to defend anyone that Bianca came in contact with - hoping that his kindness wouldn’t be taken advantage of.

“Yes, your Majesty. Leave my brother and Evie to have this dance. Mom, if you want to make amends- get help. Prove that you want to change, before you lose everyone and everything. Evie is potentially going to be your daughter in law one of these days.” Everyone looked at Savannah wondering what she knew, she wouldn’t bring that up without a reasoning. “Accept the fact that your son loves her and forget this vendetta. The only person that has been in the wrong all these years is you- no one else.” Bianca felt all eyes on her for a split second, before they reverted to Drake and Evie. The guard took her to the nearest table to sit down, offering her a drink of water.

“Who are you?” Bianca jumped, believing her imagination was playing tricks on her. Being sober, this scared the shit out of her. “You are not the woman I fell in love with. That woman would be encouraging her son to be happy with the woman he has always loved.

“You knew? All this time...”

“Yes, I knew a few days before I left you all. He will never forgive you if he lost her. Michaela and Alexander have forgiven you. Evie has forgiven you for everything. As our beautiful daughter said, make amends.... before it’s too late...”

“Jackson....”

“Do the right thing Bi... I need you to... you owe it to everyone..until we meet again, my love.”

And love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven

Oh once in your life you find someone

Who will turn your world around

Bring you up when you're feelin' down

“You’ve been in my life all these years, every time I’m with you- you bring my smile out. I’ll wait an eternity to get what to what we was, if you want that.” Drake whispered to Evie, he knew he was potentially sounding desperate with everything he was saying, but he needed her to know that he was committed to them both.

Yeah nothin' could change what you mean to me

Oh there's lots that I could say

But just hold me now

'Cause our love will light the way

Twirling her around effortlessly, she turned back to face him- standing on her tip toes, she pulled him towards her and kissed him on the lips in a small yet warm smooth. Sparks flew in every direction, and the world slowly disappeared around them. Hoping that this kiss was the beginning of all of their worries and troubles becoming distant memories, possibly starting a fresh. Their lips were moving in perfect sync, breaking the kiss- they turned to face everyone who were silently cheering them, all wearing the same smile as if it was a reflection from a mirror. His hands returned towards her waist; pulling her closer, as he lent down for another kiss - this time it was deeper, more passionate. Unexpectedly he lift her in the air, as he spun them around- holding her tightly, she held on to him tightly before he put her back down onto the ground. Wrapping his arms around her again, she rest her head onto his chest as they began to sway to the music.

And baby, you're all that I want

When you're lyin' here in my arms

I'm findin' it hard to believe

We're in heaven

Yeah and love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven, yeah

“Neither of them have mentioned about Paris. Do you think they were stalling? Waiting to see what happened between the two of them?” Riley asked Liam, as they watched their two friends hold each other lovingly on the dance floor.

“I’m not sure? I’d have assumed Drake would have mentioned something even if Evie didn’t. I hinted to him but he seemed clueless.”

“I’m surprised Maxwell hasn’t blurted it out yet. Do you think they will get back together? Officially?”

“I hope so, I hope Biancas actions haven’t prevented that from happening. Before we go on our honeymoon in a couple of days, why don’t I talk to Drake and you talk to Evie?”

“Can I talk to Drake? I know him more than I do Evie. You talk to her. Who knows tonight they may go back to what they were.”

“If they don’t, I’ll talk to Evie and you talk to Drake. I love you my Queen.”

“I love you too my king.” Holding Riley, he placed one hand over her growing bump.

I've been waitin' for so long

For somethin' to arrive

For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin' true

Through the good times and the bad

Yeah I'll be standin' there by you

“Through the good times and the bad... how many more bad times do we have to go through?” Tears began to form in Evie’s eyes as she reiterated the lyrics, thinking back to what the two of them had suffered over the years.

“Hopefully none, but I’ll be standing by you at all times.. I’ll protect you, and love you for the rest of my life.” Sounding sincere, she didn’t want to be stubborn and give up what they once had. It was the happiest she had ever been, and she assumed it was with him.

“I love you Drake Walker.”

“I love you too Evangeline Grace Bruley.”

And baby, you're all that I want

When you're lyin' here in my arms

I'm findin' it hard to believe

We're in heaven

And love is all that I need

And I found it there in your heart

It isn't too hard to see

We're in heaven, heaven, oooh

You're all that I want

You're all that I need

“You’re all that I want and need, don’t you forget that. Thank you for the dance Duchess.” Kneeling onto one knee, he kissed her stomach, letting it linger there for a moment.

“I wish things were different...” He whispered, hoping that no one heard him.

“Drake, Evie?” Hearing her voice, Drake immediately stood up in front of Evie protecting her.

“What do you want? Are you drunk?”

“Son, I’m a horrible person. I’m sober. I’m not allowed to drink. It was the condition that I had to keep to in order to attend my daughters wedding. I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused. I know that isn’t going to be enough. Evie?”

“Yes?” Bianca moved closer to her, Evie noticed sorrow in eyes. Placing her hand on Evie’s arm, she flinched- not understanding why as the woman was surrounded by guards.

“Don’t you dare touch her!” Drake forced his mothers hands away, not wanting to cause a scene but needing to protect the woman he loved.

“I’m sorry. Evie I know my words will never be accepted, and I’m not blaming my alcohol addiction for my past actions. But I truly am sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused; for the death of your parents, for hurting you and my grandchild.”

“Our baby wasn’t your grandchild. You don’t deserve the title of grandmother.”

“Drake!”

“Evie, she doesn’t deserve your sympathy.”

“Savannah and Bertrand doesn’t deserve you both causing a scene on their special day. Bianca, thank you for your apology. It’ll take time to forgive you, but I will never forget.”

“Can you help me? I need help...”

“Only you can help yourself.” Evie gave Drake a kiss on the cheek. “Thank you for the dance. I’ll talk to you later.”

*****

The night came towards an end, and everyone began to retire to their rooms. Drake picked Maxwell up as he was that intoxicated he couldn’t remember his own name.

“Who are you?”

“Drake. You know who I am.” Maxwell’s drunk mind started to function.

“You’re going to Paris.”

“No I’m not. But you’re going in a cold shower if you carry on talking shit.”

Once he had assisted Max in his bed, he headed towards Evie’s room- they never got the chance to talk after their dance and conversation with Bianca. Knocking on the door, he hoped that she would answer.

“Hey, what’s the matter?”

“I just wanted to make sure you got to your room okay, and to say goodnight.”

“I haven’t been drinking that much so it would have been slightly embarrassing if i couldn’t figure the way to my room.”

“Fair point. Anyway, goodnight.” Drake kissed her on the cheek, before he could escape- she dragged him into her room by pulling on his tie.

“Stay with me? Let me lay in your arms?”

*****

Continue here

#trr #trr fanfic #trr we belong #drake x mc #drake x evie #liam x riley #maxwell beaumont #bertrand beaumont #savannah walker #trr bianca walker #drake walker #liam rhys #leo rhys #trr kiara #olivia nevrakis

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lisinfleur · 5 years

Text

Mate

Author’s Notes | Thank you for your sweetness, dear anon! I love you too!! Universe | Vikings Pairing | Alpha! Björn x Omega! Reader Info��| Werewolves AU, Vikings Age AU, requested by anon for 5CW3 Words | 1727 ⁑ Warnings: Mentions of heathenry and pagan rituals.

She came with the last refugees returning to their lands in Kattegat after his brother Ivar's defeat. Things were being rebuilt and many people that left Kattegat in the middle of the night avoiding the mad cripple king were returning, trying to retake their lost lands and restart the life. She was the daughter of an old farmer that lost everything when Ivar decided to mark and burn the ones who were against his reign. She ran away with her father but her brother was taken and burnt with the others. Disgusted, her father ended up dying and now she was coming back for his lands and legacy.

She came to the first Thing under his crown and when she came into that Hall, he knew that woman had to be his.

It wasn't like every single male in that place wasn't feeling the smell of fertility coming from her, but for him, particularly, it was stronger.

He asked her to show him personally her lands, but he knew he would give her Kattegat entirely if she wanted. Surely, he would put the queen's crown in her head, it was right in his head.

The fact is: his head is not the real world.

Of course, she noticed his interest. Of course, she noticed he was her mate as much as Björn noticed this by himself.

But it's not fun without a challenge. It's not an alpha without a conquer. She was stubborn like his own mother and maybe this is what was attracting him so badly in that female: she wasn't easy.

He thought his life would be easier, like his brother's life was being with his last mate Torvi: some few words exchanged, moments together and now he was there, starting to work in his first offspring with her, an already well-proved beta that would give him strong children. But she wasn't like the others.

Y/N was putting on a fight dignified of her value.

He gave back her father's lands. He bought back her cattle. He gifted her with slaves and earned her heart by showing her he was more than just a king but a man who knows very well there is more than just wearing a crown involved in ruling over people.

Under his reign, Kattegat was once again a huge trading center and the people were once again feeling the peace of Ragnar's old reign.

During the day, he would solve the people's problems and deal with the plans of reconstruction for the city, but the nights, after the work was done, he was picking his horse and going back to her farm, to spend a peaceful time by her side and try again for her acceptance.

"Why do you reject my court, Y/N?" he asked, sitting by her side near the fireplace.

Caresses being exchanged in between the two bodies laid together at the soft rug made of fur, his fingers sliding through her hair and waist, her lips kissing his neck softly, with tenderness.

"I don't," she answered, kissing again, making a small trail of little warm kisses through his neck to his face, nuzzling her nose against his cheek.

"Then be my wife..." he said and Y/N smiled, softly caressing his face.

"And bear my children, I know what you'll say," she completed, getting a deeper look from his blue eyes. "I'm not ready for children, Björn. Nor one, neither the litter you'll surely fill my womb with. I'm not a beta like Torvi. And I can feel the smell of our mating. I'm your mate, Björn. If we lay down together, you'll surely fill me with child." she said, tenderly showing him her fears.

"Why are you afraid of this, my love?" Björn asked, sitting by her side and helping her to get herself comfortable, sitting in a way they could properly look at each other. "You're the most fertile omega from the whole Kattegat and never I saw an omega as strong as you are. I thought Hvitserk had a good omega with him, but Thora is not half of who you are," he said, caressing her face.

And she sighed.

"And she's already with child. Twins in her belly," Y/N said, kinda scared "My mother died this way, Björn. And she died carrying my brothers to Hella with her. Both of them. For my father was greedy and wanted more from his wife, Hella punished him and took from him the mate and their children. I don't want this for us, Björn. I love you... I don't want Hella to take me from you for our greedy for the many children I'll surely bear if we lay together".

There it was.

A pretty comprehensible reason for her to avoid him so bad.

Björn sighed. He couldn't blame Y/N for her thoughts and fears. Instead, he took her into a soft embrace, trying to give her some safety.

"Do you wanna be my wife, Y/N?" he asked, looking at her "Despite this fear, do you wanna bear my children?"

She raised her face to look at him directly.

"I love you, Björn. And as much as you, I can feel our bond. My wolf craves for yours and I wanna be your wife more than anything in my life. But I'm afraid," she confessed.

And so, Björn's eyes changed into something full of courage.

"Once my father was told he should wait for three days and three nights before laying with his second wife. Or else, she would bear him a monster. My father refused to listen and Aslaug gave birth to Ivar. A sick child who became a monster not only in his greatness but also in his cruelty," he started, catching completely Y/N's attention "Once your father was greedy for more children, and your mother paid the price for his greedy with her life and her children's life Hell claimed to herself," he continued, looking at Y/N's eyes "Now it is my turn to defy the gods for what I want more than anything in this life."

Y/N shivered listening to his words. A part of her feeling immensely aroused for his audacity. Her reason screaming Björn was doing something extremely dangerous and treacherous.

"Bound to me now," he said, looking straight into her eyes, "Marry me tomorrow under the eyes of the gods. But I shall not touch you or make you mine until your first heat after your marriage. In the higher day of your first heat as my wife, I shall claim you and then, the gods will give me their answer about our bound."

"This is not fair." she said, pointing a flaw in his oath "I'm fertile! I'm an omega and you're an alpha! If you claim me in my higher day of heat, I shall get pregnant anyway and so you can't tell me the gods want us to be together or blessed us with the pregnancy!" she said.

But Björn smiled.

"So, if they want us to be together... They shall deny me your womb in your first heat."

Y/N's eyes became wide, surprised with his clever bet.

"As you said, there is no way for you not to be with child after this day. But if we do as we say and yet you bleed, then the gods are telling me it's their will to keep us together. And you shall bear my children without the fear Hella will take you from me. However, if you get pregnant in this first try, then I shall never touch you one more time and you shall never bear me any more children, for I won't be greedy as your father and my father were and I will choose your life over my own needs."

Y/N stopped a moment to think.

Before the pregnancy that took her life, her mother gave birth to two healthy children and raised them until almost adults... So as Björn's stepmother: before Ivar, she bore three healthy sons for his father, without a single miscarriage!

And Aslaug was an omega... Like herself.

As a sign of her trust, Y/N eyes turned amber and she looked at Björn, allowing her wolf to speak for her, calling his through the bound they shared with each other.

"I agree with your terms, Ironside. I accept your bound and your bite over me," she said, exposing her neck, causing Björn to feel the shivers of frisson running through his body with his wolf's arousal.

He came closer, touching her neck with his lips, kissing the spot to be marked in her neck, smelling the scent of her skin causing her to softly moan with his proximity.

Her submissive reactions calling his wildness when he allowed his wolf to take over, sinking his fangs in her neck, biting and marking her as his mate, receiving a small and low moan of pleasure from her lips near his ears.

Soon, Björn could feel her delicate bite in his spot as well, and that warmth filled both of them as if their bodies were one and their wolves were finally feeling one another.

Björn couldn't explain the sensation of totality, the pleasure and the feeling of having her finally bounded to him.

Some small licks and the wounds were closed in their necks, however, Y/N insisted in keep licking the spot, spoiling her mate with a warm caress. The need for an omega from being near, touching her mate, so present, so clear in his beloved.

She was everything and now, she was his for real. Björn nuzzled his nose to her neck and her face, exchanging a deep and tight kiss with his now claimed mate.

However, the more he was aroused and his body was asking for the consummation of that bound, he restrained himself to a single kiss and touched his forehead with hers.

"I'll hold myself. And fate is launched. May the gods allow me to be yours and bless our union, my love".

"May the gods be with us... For I want your children, I want you by my side, I wanna be yours!"

The fate was launched and he would wait. But something in Björn's heart was telling him he was right. In all his life, the only thing he never regrets was trust in the gods.

It wouldn't be different now.

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the-council-of-new-york-vampires · 5 years

Note

Priya and Amy being sweet to each other is so cute. I hope you continue it

Out of Character:

Definitely! I’ll continue it right now. :D

…Just wrote it and… This shit is meaningful as hell. I just wanted to write a bit, but… w o w.

It’s not so sexy, but it contains explicit language. Know Priya’s backstory, and I promise you won’t regret reading this…

It was an hour later that Priya woke up.

Amy sat by her side, smiling. “Good morning, sleeping beauty.”

Priya’s eyes widened. “It’s morning?”

She chuckled, told her, “No, it’s still evening. Then again, I didn’t know vampires needed sleep at all.”

Priya shook her head, slightly perplexed. “They don’t.”

Carefully, Amy’s finger stroked her cheek. “Do you remember what I said to you before you fell asleep?” Her voice was quiet once again.

Priya looked at her… and grinned. Even after their romantic night together, her smile had something predatory.

“I mean it,” Amy whispered.

“I appreciate that,” Priya just said.

Amy looked at her for a long time before asking, “…You don’t say it back?”

“I’m not fake.”

…She couldn’t help but feel sad.

Priya placed a hand on Amy’s shoulder and explained, unusually serious, “If I love someone, I let them know. Then again, I told you how I feel about that word. So, no guarantees.”

Amy bit her lip, nodded, understanding. “I can’t force feelings that aren’t there.”

“Maybe they’re there and I don’t know,” she said, shrugging. Priya was surprsingly cool… careless, maybe?

Amy nodded. A bit more distant than before, she stated, “I hope… Maybe you learned that sex can be intimate and gentle and not rough or degrading.”

“Amy, darling, please. Don’t think you can teach me anything about sex. I know everything.”

“But did you know this would feel so good?” With that, she had her.

“…Sure.”

Amy grinned. “What did you say about not being fake?”

Priya nudged her playfully. “Shut up. I’m the realest bitch.”

Amy chuckled. This almost felt like a relationship.

Priya admitted, “It was nice enough.”

“I will treat you gently, forever,” Amy proclaimed. “As long as you let it happen.” She said that with a certain warmth in her voice. “Because I feel it does you good.”

“You can’t do it forever anyway.”

‘As long as I love you. And that’s forever.’ Damn, how cheesy that sounded… Too cheesy to say it.

“Mortals don’t live forever,” Priya noted.

For a longer time, Amy was quiet. “I don’t even know if I’d want to get Turned. It was never an option, really.”

“Why wouldn’t you?”

Amy shrugged, remembering again just how special she felt for being able to say ‘Priya Lacroix is actually interested in me.’ “Being a vampire grants you so many perks. But there are also things you have to give up.” She thought about it, and chuckled. “You’d never understand, but… I think I want children someday.”

Priya said nothing.

Then again, Amy laughed. “I bet you hate them.”

“Mhm…”

“They don’t really go with a glamorous lifestyle,” she joked. “And you wouldn’t want to give that up.”

“I can’t, anyway.”

Amy raised her eyebrows. “Huh?”

“Have kids.”

She nodded. “Yeah.” For the fun of it, Amy said jokingly, “I bet it’s better that way.”

Priya’s stare was cold. As if she was actually offended.

When looking at her, Amy’s smile left her face immediately. “I… Sorry. That’s cruel. You could be a great mother. I don’t know you enough to judge.”

“That’s right. You don’t.” The warmth was gone. “Actually, you don’t know shit about me.”

Amy’s eyes widened. She was suddenly afraid, sad… hurt. “Priya…”

“It’s kinda funny how every asshole judges. I’m so cruel and rude and I’m a horrible person and whatnot. These people… It’s them who I’m coming for first.”

“I… never meant to judge you. I’m sorry. Hell, you might be a better mom than me. You’re loving and mature and capable. I’m dorky as hell. I don’t have half of the experience you have.”

“Mhm.”

Amy grinned, trying to bring back the positivity she usually felt around Priya. “I love how you love your dogs.”

“My dogs are my babies.”

She chuckled. “I wish I was one of them. You’re be a great mama.”

Somehow, Priya didn’t find that too funny.

Amy felt the awkwardness, the coldness betweem them. She took her oversized pullover off to reveal her body, undressed. She lied down next to Priya, the blanket covering both of them. It was quiet until she mumbled, “I could lie here with you and talk to you forever…”

“Am I that interesting?”

“Absolutely. After all, I want to get to know my future wife.”

Priya laughed…

…And Amy was glad. This was Priya’s kind of humor. Babies just seemed to be a taboo topic with her…

“Ask me something nasty.”

Amy thought… and kissed Priyas forehead. “What’s your favorite type of hug?”

Again, Priya laughed. “I hate you. You’re boring as hell.”

“I just think sex isn’t the most important thing in life.” She grinned.

“Having fun is.”

“That sounds… more acceptable.”

“Who cares? Some people should just get their heads out of their asses.”

Amy chuckled. “You know, I… I’ve met quite a few vampires. I learned that many of them are hot. I mean, let’s exclude The Baron and Lester, because they make me gag.”

“They make me vomit in my mouth.”

She laughed. “I learned that vampires must love sex, since… their senses are heightened. Things feel more intense. And that makes sense. Yet, I haven’t met a single vampire as obsessed with sex than you.”

“Pff. They’re just sneaky with it.”

Grinning, she asked, “Are you sure?”

“I guess? It’s just… You know… I collected a lot of shitty experiences regarding the topic. Then I got Turned and I thought… Time to take what I want.”

“Shitty experiences for you would be… Girls in sweatpants. Or men with average dick lengths,” she joked.

“No, like real shitty.”

It was then that Amy understood this was serious. “Oh… Sometimes, talking helps.”

“Yeah, no, nothing really helps.”

“Have you… seeked help? Talked to someone who loves you? I mean… I know it can be difficult. But it’s often for the better.”

Priya sighed. She didn’t seem particularly annoyed. Rather as if there was a heavy weight on her shoulders. One she had been carrying for centuries.

Amy pulled her close. “Shhh,” she whispered. “It’s okay.”

“I’m alone.”

“No. You’re never alone. You can talk to me.” She thought about her words, then added, “I swear, you can always fucking talk to me.” Amy meant this. Nothing more than this.

For a minute, Priya was quiet. She felt Amy’s hand caressing her back. They were naked, together, but nothing about this was sexual. She felt a weird feeling in her throat… as if she had to confess. “Fuck, Amy…”

Amy kissed Priya’s cheek, assured her, “If you don’t want me to know, I respect that. Priya… I respect you so much. It’s just that I know what it feels like to not talk about something, letting it break you. It sucks. And I don’t want that for you. Because you’re an amazing person. You don’t deserve to feel this way. No matter what people say. You’re right; they judge. And they don’t know you.”

Priya sighed. She looked at Amy, taking her head off of the young woman’s shoulder, and asked, “Do you know the sex trafficking industry?”

Amy froze. “Yes.”

“Well… I know what that’s like.”

“Were you…?”

“Yeah.”

Amy was silent. Then she said, “No…”

“Yeah.”

“Priya… I don’t want to believe this.”

She was cold as ice. “Do you think I want to believe that shit?”

Amy was in tears. “No… No… No. I don’t want this. Please… Don’t tell me that’s true.”

Priya smiled, her eyes teary. “Shit. I forgot it was that bad.”

Amy covered her face with her hand… and let the tears fall. She hugged Priya ever so tightly… and cried with her, together.

Eventually, Amy found herself on top of Priya, a blanket covering two women whose faces were wet from tears. She cupped Priya’s cheeks and whispered, “I swear… If anybody fucking hurts you…”

“So many people fucking hurt me.”

“They’re dead. They’re all fucking dead. And if not… I’ll kill them myself.”

“I went through so much shit.”

“For how long, Priya?”

“Eight years.”

“You started when you were…”

“Sixteen.”

“…I’m angry. I’m so fucking angry.”

Priya rubbed her eyes, acknowledging that her makeup might as well be worth getting ruined - just this once. “I’m not even angry anymore.”

“This is a crime against humanity. You were a child.”

“Well, I was a girl.”

“Were your parents cruel?”

“Nah… My mother tried to do everything to provide for us and stuff. Call me stupid, but I’m kinda thankful. The women in my life were strict as hell, but I don’t blame them. They went through the same shit, after all. It went on for generations.”

“And your father?”

“Don’t know who.”

“Oh… Right. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. I hate him. No matter who he is, he is a fucking rapist. All of them are.”

“Maybe… Maybe he would have loved you. You’re very loveable…”

“No one loves a daughter.”

“Priya…”

“It’s true. It’s a man-made system. Literally.”

“…Damn. After all you went through… How can you look men in the eyes?”

“Honestly? I have no idea.” She laughed. “Sometimes, I call one of my toys, and I say ‘Down!’. And he looks at me all sorry and shit. And I order it again. He gets on his knees before me. And I kick his balls so good. With heels on.”

“…Ouch.”

Again, she laughs. “His screams don’t make up for what I went through.”

“I can imagine… But we live in a different system now. Men are… different.”

“‘Let boys be boys.’ God, when I hear that, I cringe.”

Amy faced the ground… and nodded. She wiped her tears away.

“One time, I got pregnant. And I thought: ‘Shit’.”

It was then that she gaped. “What?”

“You bet I had no idea who her father was. And I thought… Damn. That’s it. I’m continuing the cycle.”

Amy felt the sadness coming back up. “Was it… a girl?”

“I like to think it was.”

She thought back of their recent conversation… and it hit her. “Priya… I’m so sorry. I had no idea you were pregnant as a human.”

“Me, pregnant… You’re right, it sounds ridiculous. I wouldn’t even believe it myself if I didn’t know for a fact it’s true.”

“Did you… have an abortion?”

“Hm… More like a miscarriage.”

“Oh, shit… I’m sorry…”

“The worst thing wasn’t even that I got pregnant. The worst thing was that I actually wanted her. Not in the first place. I was at my lowest. But I got used to the thought, however that worked. I don’t know. All I know is I was ready. And then I lost her.”

And again, Amy was crying.

“I thought life fucking hates me. Life must be a man, I thought. And you better believe I hated that motherfucker back.”

Amy did the only thing that felt right. She hugged Priya, kissed her… “I love you.”

Somehow, Priya grinned. “Damn. One tragic lifestory and every bitch is at my feet.”

“Priya, I want to fight the world. With you. It’s us against the rest.”

Priya chuckled. “Are you on crack?”

For the first time, Amy laughed. It felt like medicine to a wounded soul. “I’m sad as hell, okay?”

“Time heals all wounds, I guess. At least, that’s what smart people say. It turns wounds to scars. Like, I can talk about it and… not lose my shit. I can be fine. At least, kinda.”

Amy lied down, her head on Priya’s chest. “Are you glad you spoke up?”

“Somehow, yeah. Unless you’ll choose to fuck with me up with it.”

“Never.”

“Well,” Priya said, “it’s not like I wouldn’t kill you.”

“I wouldn’t even be offended if you killed me.”

The two of them laughed.

“Priya?” Amy then asked.

“Sup?”

“Are you… often dating?”

“Not really. I mean, nothing serious these days. I have my toys and that’s it. I seek new ones, and sometimes… Sometimes I break them. But that’s all. No romance and shit like that.”

“…These days?”

“Yeah. I kinda stopped taking it serious.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. It’s like… responsibility. And… I mean, in a relationship, people are supposed to be equal. I realized that doesn’t work.”

Amy was silent. Then she said, “You’d be equal with me.”

But apparently, her voice was too quiet. Priya continued. “I really thought it could work. One time, I was at a sex party with Vega and-”

“Vega?”

“Yeah.”

“Senator Vega?” Amy couldn’t believe it.

“You’re cute when you’re surprised. Anyway-”

“Don’t tell me The Council threw a sex party.”

Priya laughed. “Ew, fuck no. It was a private thing back when we were dating.”

“I… had no idea you were dating him in the past.” Somehow, that changed her perspective. On both of them. A match made in hell.

“1920s. Wild time. Anyway. I was having the time of my life at that party. It was so good that I collapsed.”

Amy gaped. “What the hell?”

“It was great. Damn, I was exhausted. I felt high as hell. Somehow, he stood before me and I just gave him a blowjob. I don’t know if I wanted it at the moment. But he wanted, and I didn’t think. And he cupped my cheeks and pulled me close and I just did it.”

“Uh… Okay…” Another person Amy could never look in the eyes again…

“A moment later, there were a dozen guys surrounding us. And they watched us and jerked off, close to my face and shit. And I was kinda thinking ‘Excuse me??’. I tried to pull away, but he kept me in place and I could tell he was totally enjoying it. He was in control at the moment and he took advantage of me, showing off to all those assholes. And I didn’t want it. Later I realized he had made me feel the exact way I’ve felt all these years. Used.”

“…Wow. I hate him so much right now.”

“Don’t. He’s a fun guy. He was the only one who believed in me, that I could be a famous designer and shit. I owe him a lot. Plus, we had a friends with benefits thing going on for some time. I don’t hate him one bit.”

“But that’s not okay. He was putting his ego over your needs. Have you ever talked to him about it?”

“When the whole thing was over, I said I was exhausted. Seriously, I couldn’t even walk. He picked me up and drove me home.”

“And that’s it?”

“When we woke up afterwards, I told him it was fucked up. And he didn’t even know what I was talking about. So I described it and he said he hadn’t known I was uncomfortable at the moment. I told him that I was and that I didn’t enjoy it, and he apologized and said he wouldn’t have continued if he had known. And then he changed the topic, and I just took it as answer. I was okay with it. We did more fun things and never talked about it again. But it kinda stuck with me.”

Finally, Amy looked Priya in the eyes. “…I would never treat you like that.”

“You’re not a man.”

“Don’t you date women?”

“Not really. I figured dating isn’t really my thing. I think women demand more attention than men. I’m not one to give so much… rather receive.”

Amy looked at Priya in a way that expressed more than words ever could. Simply, she said, “I’d treat you like a goddess, Priya.”

After a silent moment, Priya grinned and said, “I am one.”

“You truly are… Sometimes, I look at you… And I’m just speechless. Like, how could someone be this damn beautiful? Inspirational, even.”

Priya smiled… and the predatory streak was gone. “I didn’t tell you these shit stories for nothing, Amy.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that you make me see the world in a different light. We talked… And I feel brand new. Like… There’s something I wanna try.”

Was that a hint? Amy took a breather. She had to fucking ask this. “Do you want to be my girlfriend?”

Priya was quiet. Then, she said, “Fuck yeah.”

#priya lacroix #bloodbound #choices #choices: stories you play #priyamy #bb #y'all....#couple goals

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huntertales · 6 years

Text

Bonnie and Clyde. (Mini S10 Rewrite Part Two of Three)

Summary: The reader has been in love with Dean Winchester for long as she can remember. When he dies and comes back as a demon, she believes she is the only who can pull him back from the edge. Dean makes a bargain with the reader. He’ll go back with her to the bunker and become a human again…if she becomes a demon for a short time. She agrees. But what happens if her plan backfires and she likes raising a little hell? Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader (Series Rewrite Setting) Warning: Spoilers for 10.02 “Reichenbach”, Demon!Dean, Demon!Reader, mentions of violence, mentions of miscarriage, derogatory name calling, pole dancing, Y/N and Dean aren't nice people as demons. Word Count: 6,443.

[Previous Part]

You and Dean have always each other’s better halves. Through thick and thin you pulled each other from the edge. You stopped him from making reckless decisions, he helped guide you through the toughest spots in your life. At times your relationship was rocky, but there was no denying the both of you had a special bond. On the first Valentine’s day you shared as a couple a butt naked cherub told the both of you that you were soulmates, and while it was for a different reason at that time, the both of you continued to stick it through. You didn’t even lose hope when you saw him turn into a monster that you were supposed to hunt. Because you thought you could change him back into a human…Only look at where you ended up.

The both of you shared an eye color dark and malevolent as your rotten souls, an unquenchable thirst for violence and chaos. You couldn't say you regret your decision for turning yourself into a demon like Dean. Because unlike the other times before, these were on your own terms. There was nobody yanking on your leash and telling you what to do. You could do whatever you want, whenever you wanted. The world was yours. And you were ready to paint the town red.

You ditched Crowley at that roadhouse in North Dakota and you said your final goodbyes to Sam for a short while later, not really caring about the fact that you left him in a tough spot. He called you right after Dean did the trick to make you a demon like him, only the person who was on the other line wasn't the younger Winchester, but some guy named Cole. And the call wasn’t for you, it was for Dean. Apparently this guy had some sort of vendetta against your boyfriend or something. You didn't really pay much attention to the call. All you knew was that Sam was a big boy, he could get himself out of whatever situation he landed himself in. You ended the call and tossed your phone out the window, starting your adventures with Dean.

You didn't think you've ever felt this free before in your entire life. No conscious to hold you back and tell you to do the right thing. No little devil on your shoulder whispering in your ear about how the world needed to end and promising you power that would never come. It was all you at the wheel. And you planned on looking good while raising some hell. You knew you were an attractive person, but you didn't flaunt yourself off. You preferred to present yourself in a neat and normal manner. You didn’t show off too much skin and you almost never wore makeup while you were hunting. You were content with yourself. Now, as a demon, you decided to flaunt what God didn't give you.

You were bad to the bone, and planned on looking good while raising some hell. You were a few states away when you spotted the cutest leather jacket. It had to be the exact same one you were drooling over a while back when you were mindlessly wandering the internet, scouring websites with prices that gave you a heart attack. A few hundred dollars for a jacket? In your dreams. You knew damn well if you wanted one you could use of the many stolen credit cards or even walk into a department store and take it off the hanger. But you wanted hers.

You cornered her in the bathroom of the bar you and Dean had stopped in for some drinks. You were polite and complimented about how cute her jacket was. And in a calm manner you asked if you could have it, shockingly, she was more afraid when you blinked, turning your eyes black. All she could get out was a gasp of fear. She didn’t say no. But she tried to run from you. So you did the most logical thing. You bashed her skull against the wall and broke her nose when she had the audacity to call you a bitch. You only got a little bit of blood. It was totally worth it.

The jacket was now lying across one of the bar stools you were leaning against in a new bar Dean insisted on the both of you spend an hour or two in. Well, it wasn't exactly a club. And a club would only be describing half of it. It was a strip club. You didn't fuss too much over it. he old you wouldn't be caught dead in this kind of scenery. She was too much of a prude. Maybe it was the old men ogling at the strippers or the girls wandering around here in only g-strings and working themselves on a pole for a decent wage. You had a motto, you liked to look at pretty things, but that was about it. You preferred what you knew. And that was Dean. He knew all the ways to make you happy that nobody else could even come close doing it. Pun intended.

You had one arm outstretched across the bar counter top, your manicured nails tapped along to the rhythm of “Cherry Pie” as your other hand was wrapped around a cold glass of whiskey. You watched some stripper dressed in some booty shorts and a patriotic bikini top swing her hips along to the music. Dean was right in front of the stage, leaning himself close as he could. He tipped her well enough. Throwing a few dollars and a ten to her. He decided to be daring and tried to give a little touch, but she wasn’t having it. It was part of the “rules.” You found yourself snickering when you saw her start to get a upset when he simply threw her a twenty to try and loosen her up. She responded by rolling her eyes and calling it quits.

“Well, that’s not what I call good service!” You shouted out. You broke out into a smile when the woman looked over in your direction. She gave you a disgusted look from how you were only adding fuel to the fire. You walked over to the stage and raised your brow, challenging her to try and come out as the victim here. "We're paying you to do one thing. And that’s to entertain your customers. I mean, anyone could this. Hell, I could. And probably a hell of a lot better than you."

"I bet you could, sweetheart." Dean agreed, a smirk creeping across the ends of his lips just at the idea alone of you working yourself up there. "The song's not even over."

Before anyone could stop you, you were up on the stage, running your fingers through your hair to fan it out as you grabbed a hold of the silver pole. You arched your back and twirled around the pole, watching the room around you spin along, catching the sight of the few old men around you grow interested in what was unfolding. You stopped yourself and leaned against the cold pole, your eyes wandering to the man in front of you, his eyes narrowing, obviously enjoying the sight you were giving him. You took your right hand to steady yourself so you could swiftly lower yourself down so you were now crouched down on the stage. You spotted from the back of the bar that security wasn’t liking what you were doing.

You pulled yourself back up to your feet and decided to continue with one more performance for the boys before you were thrown out. As you spotted some guy at least twice your size and height come forward on the stage, you hooked one leg across the bar and gripped tight around the pole. You pushed yourself forward to thrust yourself to twirl around the bar, and when you saw him attempt to grab you, you outstretched your leg and kicked him hard in the gut, making him stumble backwards. You steadied yourself on the ground and walked over to him, giving the security guard yet another kick to keep him down.

“Remember the house rules,” You hissed at him in a venomous tone. “No touching.”

You landed a hard punch to keep the guard down when you saw him attempt to push himself up in a standing position. You waited a moment, looming over his body, wondering if he was going to be a problem. But he laid there. You shrugged your shoulders and made your way to the end to the stage, bending down to grab that twenty Dean threw for the stripper. You gave him a smirk and tucked it into your shirt for safekeeping. He shook his head, containing a laugh from what you just did. You jumped off the stage, landing perfectly on your feet, ignoring the handful of men that were in disturbance or awe at what unfolded.

You walked over to the bar to finish your drink that you didn't pay for. You let out a slight hiss from the satisfying burn that settled in your throat from the whiskey and slammed down the drink. You made sure to grab your jacket and slip it back on. Before you made you departure from the club you turned around to face the crowd. You pretended to curtsy and gave them all a sly wink. Dean approached you to wrap your an arm around your waist, leading you to the door to make your grand exit.

“Hope you enjoyed the free show, boys.” You said. “Make sure to tip your strippers well!”

Dean let out a throaty chuckle from your behavior and followed behind as you stepped out to the afternoon. You adjusted your jacket as Dean inspected his knuckles that were looking rather bloody from how hard he beat that other guard. You were on the street when you saw three teenage boys mindlessly walking of where they were going. One of them accidentally bumped into Dean, and unlike being a polite child his parents should have raised him to be, the little brat turned around and gave Dean a dirty look.

“Move, grandpa.” The kid demanded.

“Excuse me?” You asked, stopping the teenager from going anywhere. You stepped back onto the pavement and gave the kid a half smile, hiding your anger. “What did you just say?”

“I said, move.” The kid raised his voice, acting like you were hard of hearing. You raised your brow from the sass you were getting from. His friends thought he was so funny from the chorus of laughter that erupted. “Turn up your hearing aid, old lady.”

"Cute. Real cute. Why don't you move it along, little fetus. Or I’ll do what your mothers should have done while she was pregnant with all of you--abort you from this world.” You threatened him. Your tone of voice might have been calm, but you were serious about keeping to your word. Him and his friends had the audacity to laugh, thinking all of this was a joke. You decided to grow a smile of your own, suddenly wanting to show them who the hell they were messing with. You lunged forward and blinked, making your eyes turn black. “I said, move!”

You let out a content sigh when you saw all of them grow eyes wide with fear and scurry off. While one problem was taken care of, another problem was just behind you. "Kids. Am I right?" Your smile soon disappeared when you heard a familiar accent come from your least favorite person in the world. You looked over to your left to see the king of hell himself, Crowley. "In my day, we respect our elders. Of course, back then, anyone over thirty was ancient. Now forty year olds are still living with Mommy, lying on OkCupid, and taking pictures of their food.”

“When was that, when the dinosaurs were still around?” You wondered. Crowley didn’t seem to find your joke the least bit funny. You crossed your arms over your chest and blinked, making your eyes go to the inky black shade he hadn't seen in a while. “What do you want, Crowley?”

"Sorry to break up this love affair, Kitten. But all of us need to have a chat." Crowley said. "We need to talk about what you’ve been moonlighting as and and Squirrel's anger-management issues.”

You and the oldest Winchester decided to treat the other demon to a round of drinks at another bar just down the street. You ordered yourself another drink and Dean two shots, and one of those fruity drinks with a tiny umbrella for the king. You placed your elbow on the counter top to rest your head. Looking at the other demon, you gave him a smile, wondering what the hell this was all about. It seemed Crowley was still little bit surprised to see you've gone back to your old ways that you fought so hard to keep away. But you weren't showing the least bit of remorse. He turned his attention to Dean, and that little problem you noticed with him.

“How you been feeling?” Crowley asked the older Winchester. “On edge? Pent-up? Unfulfilled?”

“You sound like a Viagra commercial.” Dean said. “You know that, right?”

“This isn’t about…” Crowley tried to word this properly as he nodded his head to the man, trying to subtly gesture to what he was talking about. “Little Dean.”

"Oh," Your lips curled into a smirk. "There ain't nothing little about it."

"It's about the Mark. It changed you." Crowley ignored your remark, keeping his focus on the man sitting next to him. Dean raised his brow in curiosity. He blinked, changing his eyes to the black shade, reminding the demon of the consequences he'd been enjoying. "And I know that you want to keep the party going. Changing Y/N, I had a feeling that was part of your plan. The both of you want to have fun, fun, fun until till Daddy takes the black eyes away. The fact is...you need to kill now."

Crowley brought the three of you to discuss the problem you saw coming from the first night you spent out with Dean, his bloodlust. You had the same urges as him being a demon and all, but you had years of control to keep the voice away, knowing it was more trouble than anything to kill someone out in the open. You were more of the type to finish the fight then start it. But Dean was on edge all the time, waiting for someone to poke the beast, give him a reason to attack a stranger. And he was pretty close when some drunk guy struck up a conversation with you. All he wanted was to see if he could buy you a drink. Dean got a little bit jealous, one thing lead to another, and the guy was lying in a pool of his own blood and broken glass.

The king of hell mentioned about a recent deal that was made. Before you went dark side, you may have done something that was unorthodox in order to capture a demon and torture her to find out where Crowley and Dean were. You may have spotted a down on his luck husband. After a few rounds, he told you about how he came home from work early one day to see his wife screwing another man at least ten years younger than her on their kitchen counter. Lester Morris was devastated to see his wife, Mindy, was unfaithful. She wasn’t being satisfied.

Mindy wanted a divorce and half of everything, he confessed that he wanted to see her dead. You knew there was a way to help him out. You told him about this thing called a demon deal, he jumped on the opportunity. You showed him everything and guided him through the process, even helping him pronounce the Latin to summon a crossroads demon. The human side of you never wanted to see him actually go through with the deal. Your plan was to use him as bait and trap the demon. But you were too late. However, not all hope was lost, you did end up torturing that demon. And here all of you were now.

Crowley had a proposition: Dean finish the deal by icing Mindy and feeding the beast, in return, the king gets his soul. It was a win-win. You decided it would be a one time thing. Dean could get his fix and the both of you would be back on your way of doing what you have been, having fun. You decided to tag along for the main event when the night came out of curiosity and to watch your boyfriend slaughter some bimbo. However right as the both of you were about to surprise Mindy, you noticed that there was a familiar car pulling up across the street. It was Lester. You let out a sigh, and with a simple snap of your fingers, you and Dean were sitting in the man’s car, making Lester jump out of his skin at the slightly unfamiliar faces.

"Hiya, Lester." You greeted the man from his backseat. "Remember me?"

"Who are you--What are you doing here?" Lester questioned the both of you in a nervous tone. You tilted your head to the side and blinked, showing off the inky set of black eyes you and Dean both shared. Lester seemed impressed at the party drink from his reaction. "Whoa...Ohh!"

"'Ohh.'" Dean mocked the man's surprise. "What the hell are you doing here, man?"

"Well, my contact..." Lester said, giving the man a sly wink that only came off creepy coming from him. "Yeah, he, uh--he told me that this was happening, so I just wanted to come down and makes sure it gets done right."

"Ah, 'cause you're the expert, huh?" You asked with a smile. Lester responded with a blank expression, you rolled your eyes. "Listen--and this is Murder 101--when you hire someone to kill your wife, you don't want to be around when the hit goes down. It's called an alibi."

“Yeah, I know what an alibi is.” Lester responded to your bit of useful information. You didn’t like the tone of his voice when he attempted to sound smarter than he really was. “I watch ‘Franklin and Bash.’”

“Clearly not enough.” You muttered.

Lester didn't appreciate when Dean talked down about the reason why he sold his soul. He defend himself, saying that it wasn't crap--this was his life. He honestly felt sorry for himself about the fact that his wife was cheating on him. However you had a feeling he wasn't the innocent party. Lester was a solid four, and that was being generous, Missy had to be an eight for the state they lived in. All was fair in love when Lester started cheating first. Lester tried to deny the accusation as he stuttered out some excuse, but your lips stretched into a smirk, knowing damn well he'd be lying.

“You just got that pervy, ‘I’d do anything to nail my secretary’ look. Not to mention,” You said, reminding him of the first night you met him. “When I was at that bar, you weren't exactly subtle about checking out my boobs and ass. I could tell right off the bat you weren't exactly faithful.”

“No. Oh, no.” Lester nervously chuckled. You narrowed your eyes on him as he tried to come up with some excuse to defend himself against your accusation. Out of anything...he had to pull the gender card. You half expected him to start pounding his fists on his chest. “It’s different when guys do it. It’s called ‘science.’ Men aren’t built for monogamy. Because of evolution. We’re programmed, you know, to spread our seed.”

You were half tempted to drag the man out of the car and show him what women were capable of, but Dean did that for you. He punched Lester right in the mouth, making him bash his head against the window. You found yourself laughing when he started to silently cry at the pain he felt. Lester could have just sucked it up like a man and kept his mouth shut so Dean could finish the job. But no. He had to run his mouth, call the both of you a bunch of punk ass demons. A freak. Those were the last words of a dead man. Dean decided to have a bit of sympathy on Mindy. Instead of killing her, he decided to do the world a favor and kill Lester right there in the driver’s seat of his car.

The next morning you and Dean tracked down Crowley to tell him about the good news. Things might not have went according to plan, but you thought the outcome was better this way. Lester was dead and the older Winchester urges were under control for now. The king didn’t see it that way. Crowley was a little bit pissed about the fact that Dean killed the client and not the wife. He was out a soul. You responded by shrugging your shoulders, not really caring. You thought all of it was in a day’s work. As you and Dean were about to walk out of the bar you were in last night, Crowley had the audacity to try and grab you. Before he stop you, you quickly turned around, grabbing him roughly by his wrist, forcing him to make you look into a pair of black eyes.

“Don’t. Touch. Me.” You growled at him, pronouncing each word slowly. You let the demon go by roughly shoving him across the room. Crowley didn’t seem to catch himself in time, causing him to fall on the ground. Dean let out a chuckle, you blinked, making your eyes go back to normal as you smirked. You even saw one of his henchman find it amusing. “Do you know who the hell I am? Or do I need to remind you, old man?”

Crowley wasn't all that intimidated by what you were doing. You watched as he pushed himself back up to his feet and dusted off the invisible dirt off his suit, composing himself. "Retract your claws, Kitten. My disgruntlement isn't with you. It's with someone who doesn't seem to know what he's doing."

“I know exactly what I’m doing.” Dean said. “I’m doing whatever I want.”

"Really? Because I think you don't know what you want. Tell me, Dean--what are you? A demon? If so, why isn't Lester's wife dead?" Crowley asked, curiously wondering where the man leaned on the spectrum. "Did you feel sorry for her? So maybe you're human. Except you have those pretty black peppers. You turned your little girlfriend into one of us and you're working alongside me. Why don’t you do us all a great big favor and pick a bloody side?!”

Dean did pick a side. He decided that he wanted to pick the side where he didn’t have to worry about the king of hell breathing down his neck and talking about business. He wanted to keep on with the things you and him have been doing. Drinking and screwing, living the way the both of you had been since you ditched him in that bar. Along with a little bit of danger sprinkled in every so often to keep things interesting and the mark happy. You gave the king a toothy smile on your way out, thinking you had won this round and whatever more that were to come. Dean was on your side and Crowley was left looking like a fool in front of his own demons. Yet again.

However you should have underestimated the king. He always had sort some sort of a trick up his sleeve to screw you over in the end. Your way of being turned into a demon was only temporary, which meant at any point someone could just turn you back into a human. And that's what happened. You and Dean were enjoying yourselves a drink in the same bar where the both of you talked business with Crowley. Dean lounged around at the piano, mindlessly thinking to himself. You were in the ladies’ room, trying to get some blood out of genuine leather before it could ruin the material. You were so caught up in your act you almost didn’t notice Crowley creep up from behind you, being somewhere he shouldn't have been, but before you could kick his ass, he decided that he'd had enough of you and Dean's shenanigans.

Crowley had called in some backup after he discovered you had been turned into a demon, and knowing very well of what you were capable of, he knew it was time for you to go back to being a human being. He actually was letting himself work alongside another Winchester in order to get the other back to normal. Sam greeted you when you were suddenly standing in the back parking lot of the bar. You rolled your eyes to see the king of hell and the younger Winchester trying to break up the fun you had been having with Dean. You could try all you want to come out as the winner here, but you almost forgot that your abilities were only temporary, and with a simple few Latin words, you were finding yourself back to your human state.

You were back to your normal way of thinking, back to the side of yourself you’ve always fought so hard to keep. And here you sold yourself to the man you loved to become a monster like him. Part of you was upset about what you had done. But no amount of self pity would change what you did. Nothing was worse as what you did while being a demon under Lucifer’s command. And you knew whatever you did wouldn’t be as bad as letting Dean keep going on like this. You made a personal deal with the man, you wanted to be the one to try to talk some sense into him. This was your last chance at getting him to come home with you and Sam in a calm manner.

You came out from the bathroom a little while later to see Dean was where you had left him, still at the piano with his glass of whiskey. You had a feeling he could tell there was something different about you when you had a more solemn look in your expression, the twinkle was long gone in your eye. Dean obviously had a clue he was surrounded, your little deal had expired. Harvey, the bartender getting ready to open was quietly wiping down the bar, didn't need to see this. Dean suggested the man to go out for a smoke to give the both of you some time to talk alone. You crossed your arms over your chest and stood right next to the doorway, staring at Dean right across from the room.

"Guess the honeymoon's over." Dean said. You shrugged your shoulders and began to slowly approach him. You were all ready to tell him that his fun was over, but it seemed that Dean was more worried about telling you about how he didn't want the fun to end just yet. Maybe even at all. "I told you and Sam to let me go.”

"You know I can't do that." You reminded the older Winchester. Dean didn't seem to be the least bit fazed as he finished up his whiskey. You noticed the first blade was sitting on top of the piano. "Sammy's here. And Crowley, your pal, sold you out. He even did the honors of changing me back."

"Sounds like him." Dean muttered. "Always has a stick up his ass."

You watched as the older Winchester push himself up to his feet with his empty glass, the other reached out to grab the blade. You let out a frustrated sigh and reached for your own knife that was tucked in the waistband of your jeans. "Don't do anything stupid, Dean." You warned him. Your fingers loosely wrapped around the handle as you watched him slowly walk across the bar. "You don't have to do this. We know how to cure demon's. You remember that?”

“How could I forget? First time was such a success story, right?” Dean wondered. You suddenly found yourself seeing red from what he cooley slipped into the conversation, bringing up a harsh subject neither one of you had discussed in a few years since it happened. “You failed miserably--and killed our unborn baby trying to do it."

“So I did. It was an accident.” You nearly growled at him. You wanted nothing more than to go over there and punch him directly in his face. But you knew that was exactly what he would want. You inhaled a deep breath when you heard him let out a chuckle from how angry you were getting. "It'll be different this time, Dean."

"Little latin, lot of blood. It rings a bell." Dean said. He made his way over to the bar to give himself a refill. "Did you ever stop to think that if I wanted to be cured, I wouldn't have bailed? That I would've gone back with you to fix myself?"

“That was Crowley.” You said, blaming the other demon for brainwashing the man into doing all the things he’d been choosing to accomplish for the past month and a half since he was away howling at the moon. Dean chuckled at your presumption. He leaned over the bar to grab a bottle of whiskey to pour himself a much deserved drink. The man didn’t think it was. You rolled your eyes and stepped down the little staircase leading to the opening of the bar area. “I’m not in the mood to argue with you while you’re like...

It’s not you, Dean. Let’s just forget about all of this. We’ll fix you, Dean. There has to be a part of you that doesn’t want this.”

“Really? ‘Cause right now, every part of me is trying not to come over there and rip your throat out...with my teeth.” Dean threatened you with a low and dark tone. Your response only added fuel to the fire when you let out a quiet laugh. “I’m giving you a chance, sweetheart. You should take it.”

“Kinky little threats like that aren’t gonna scare me.” Your lips twitched into a smirk. “I’ve been down this road, and let me tell you, whatever you did...I’ve done so many worse things than you could ever imagine. You’re supposed to be, what, the Knight of Hell? All you do is screw, drink and kill. I’m not afraid of you. I’ll take a hard pass. Because this situation is gonna end one way.”

“Well, I’m not walking out that door with you and Sam.” Dean said. You pretended to be all that interested in what he had to say. Dean seemed to think he had the power here. He was leaning against the bartop and talking about how he wasn’t going to go willingly. “I’m just not. So I guess that puts a damper in your plan, sweetheart. What are you gonna do now? Are you gonna kill me?”

“Nah.” You pretended to think about it for a moment before answering. “Too much effort.”

"Why? You know what I'm capable of. Hell, you don't know half the things I've done while you were gone." Dean egged you on. "I might have it coming."

"Well, I don't give a rat's ass. All of us have done terrible things through these years. You should have put a bullet in my head a long time ago if that’s your way of thinking. But it’s not. We fix these kinds of problems and we learn from our mistakes. You've pulled my ass out of the fire so many times. It's my turn to return the favor. I love you, Dean." You said in a serious tone. You inhaled a deep breath and approached the man, hoping you could find an ounce of humanity left in that rotten soul of his. "You're my family. And I'm here to take you home."

Dean finished his drink and pretended to actually comprehend what you had said in the most touching and heartfelt speech you could say. You stared at him with a more softened expression as you wondered if you had touched something inside of him. And you did, his funny bone. You felt your face scrunch up when he started laughing. He shook his head and let out a throaty sort of chuckle. Dean poured himself yet another drink while he mocked you.

“‘You’re my family. And I’m here to take you home.’ Where was that sense of humor before,Y/N? It’s cute. What is this, a Lifetime movie? Huh? With your puppy-dog eyes?” Dean continued to laugh as he shook his head once more. He lifted his glass up to his lips to take another drink. “Oh, thanks, sweetheart. I needed that.”

You bit your tongue to keep yourself from letting out in insult that wouldn’t help things. You put a hand behind your back and pulled out a pair of handcuffs from your back pocket. Dean raised his brow in curiosity as his lips stretched into that sort of seductive smile, making everything out to be some big joke. “Here I thought your real freak came out when you were a demon.”

“You said you wouldn’t willingly come with me, so fine. I’ll drag you out of here if I have to.” You said. You let the handcuffs dangle on your index finger to show him they were the ones from the bunker. “Either way, you’re coming home with me, Dean.”

“Why don’t you buy me a drink first, sweetheart?” The older Winchester asked. You gave him a deadpan stare. “You really think those are gonna work?”

You shrugged your shoulders, "There's one way to find out."

You were all set to slap the cuffs on Dean and get Sam in here to help you out in getting him out of here once and for all. But it seemed that things went south. You had a bit of a distraction when that guy you had talked to on the phone with showed up. He was a military man who was hellbent on having that little chat with Dean. He threw in a canister through the window to smoke out the place. You ended up managing to crawl your way out, Dean strolled on through, finally wanting to meet this man named Cole who went through a lot of trouble to find him.

Cole was a man that had met the older Winchester twelve years before when he saw the hunter murder his own father in what he thought was cold blood. Only it turned out that Cole’s father was a monster that Dean was hunting at the time. The poor guy spent his whole life training and hunting down the older Winchester, thinking constantly about he was going to seek revenge. But he never got it when Dean beat the crap out of him in the bar parking lot. And when Cole realized that he wasn’t going to get that today, he would have settled with death, but Dean knew that was too good for the kid. So he settled with the better idea of letting Cole wander off to lick his wounds and think about how this was the biggest failure of his life. That’s when you and Sam stepped in to stop Dean before he could do something worse.

You managed to finally get him where you wanted him with the handcuffs, snapping them on his wrists when Sam took him down by throwing holy water in his face. He could fight you all he wanted, but you had him right where you wanted him. You gave him a smug smirk, thinking you were the winner here. Dean wasn't the least bit amused. He kept staring at you with that cold, stone glare from the backseat of the Impala where he stayed while you talked to Crowley. The demon would take the first blade off your hands, knowing it would be a deadly mistake. Not that Crowley would be off the hook after the stunt he pulled. But things were starting to look up.

You offered to be the one to drive the three of you back to the bunker. Sam sat in the passenger side like normal, but you felt off balance with you behind the wheel and Dean in the backseat. It didn’t dawn on you had badly the Impala was when Sam pointed it out. There was endless food wrappers all over the place and empty beer cans. Dean didn’t care, “It was just a car.” That was another red flag that something was seriously wrong with Dean. You felt back to normal. But there was still so much work to be done in order to get the older man back to the way he was.

You and Sam tried to make small talk with the man, trying to see the silver lining to the situation the both of you saw unfold today. Sam pointed out that his brother could have killed that man back there, but he didn’t, Dean took mercy on him. The older Winchester found it adorable that Sam thought what he did was out of the goodness of his own heart. It was the worst thing Dean could have done to that sucker. Knowing that Cole guy spent his entire life hunting down the man who killed his father, only for it to end miserably. That wasn’t mercy.

“And what I’m gonna do to you and Sammy...well, that ain't gonna be mercy, either."

“Like I said, you don’t scare me.” You said in a casual tone. You tightened your grip around the steering wheel as you focused your attention on the road. “Now, if you don’t shut up I’ll be more than happy to pull this car over and gag you until we get home.”

"You know, I have to admit. I think I like you better this way than a demon." Dean said. You moved your eyes to the rear view mirror to see his eyes were green, but you could see the evil twinge in them. "You're much more easier to rouse up, sweetheart. I can't wait for when the real fun starts and I can get really under your skin.”

#supernatural #reader insert #supernatural imagine #supernatural fanfic #supernatural reader insert #supernatural x reader #spn #spn imagine #spn fanfic #spn reader insert #spn x reader #dean winchester imagine #dean winchester #dean winchester x reader #dean x reader #mine

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letmetellyouaboutmyfeels · 6 years

Note

33, 40, 44, 45 for I’m sure you can guess XD

Me: Oh I think I’ll get a question or two.

Christine: :D :D :D think again.

33. What kind of presents do they get each other? Do they only do it on special occasions?

Wyatt, everyone will acknowledge, is Shit at gift giving. He has to ask Lucy for help with Flynn, and Flynn for help with Lucy. When Christmas comes he enlists the help of Rufus (Denise did not have time for this shit). When Wyatt gives gifts it’s usually something that he got because he was trying to impress Lucy or Flynn, because he’s still a bit insecure and so really wants to make sure they like him it.

Lucy does do presents for birthdays but they’re usually something small because she’s always giving presents along the way. She’s always got an eye out for things that Wyatt or Flynn will like. She does this with the others too, to a lesser degree, like getting Jiya ‘80s clothes whenever they go back to that time period. She’ll just randomly see something and snag it, like a tie pin for Flynn or a nifty pocket knife for Wyatt.

Flynn, on the other hand, goes All Out. He found an old junker car that he fixed up for MONTHS for Wyatt’s birthday present (convincing Denise to let that happen was An Adventure). He sewed nifty knife pockets into Lucy’s dresses that she’s got from different time periods (and bought the accompanying knives) so that she will always have a weapon on her (they inevitably have to reuse outfits). He once dragged Wyatt back through time to get Lucy a painting lost in WWII. He is the best at gift giving but if it’s ever brought up he will get horribly embarrassed so Lucy and Wyatt try to keep the gushing about how their boyfriend is the best to a minimum. But he’s aware that he tends to go over the top so he only saves it for Christmas and birthdays, unlike Lucy who does it constantly.

40. Any special memories? Do they have a special place they like to go to?

Damn you’re bringing the good questions lol

When they’re in the bunker they can’t really ‘go’ anywhere so they do their best to make their bedroom a special place, but the couch in the ‘living’ room has fond memories. They watch movies together and will puppy pile. When they got married, Denise let them go out for the day, and there’s this park they went to with a tree that they just sat under and had a picnic at and they all remember that day, and that place, with fondness.

They might not have a lot of places to go to, but they’re lucky they have a lot of special memories to make up for it. Flynn treasures every single time Wyatt wakes up sleepy and disoriented and just snuggles into Flynn while waiting for his coffee. And he still remembers driving in the car with Lucy, and the way she smiled at him, and kept smiling at him, and how he had wanted to float on air.

Lucy treasures the time Wyatt tucked her in, back before they were all together, and it was a memory she would cling to when there was the whole Jess thing and Wyatt was being awful and she needed to remember the good things about him. She also loves the times she comes into bed late because she’s a night owl and the boys are curled up together.

Wyatt is never going to forget the moment Lucy hugged him and told him she forgave him when he apologized, or the first time she kissed him, about a month after that. And possibly his favorite memory of Flynn is after they first all slept together and Wyatt took an early morning shower, freaking out that now that it had happened, the novelty was going to wear off and Flynn and Lucy were going to kick him out, and Flynn followed him and joined him, kissing Wyatt good morning and kissing away Wyatt’s fears in the process.

And all of them, although they’d never admit it, have very fond memories of Rufus losing his absolute shit and demanding he live in a separate bunker, Denise, I really can’t, they’re like rabbits.

44. Are the comfortable with each other? Anything they have to have their privacy for?

Wyatt struggles with PDA with Flynn. He’s comfortable doing it if it’s just them or Lucy, but once you introduce others, Wyatt can’t really do it. He gets better as time goes on, though.

Lucy needs absolute fucking quiet when she’s studying. She puts on music, but God help the boys if they disturb her. This is part of why she’s a night owl, she’ll stay at the kitchen table after everyone’s gone to sleep and she can be alone.

Flynn didn’t need privacy when working out before but you bet your ass he needs it now because it’s hard to concentrate when some people keep ogling you and making comments, Lucy, and no, he actually DOES need to do a proper workout other than sex, stop asking.

But when it comes to the big things, they’re surprisingly comfortable discussing any issues that come up. There are few topics that are off-limits, although sometimes they stumble a little since they all have their traumas. And neither of them seem to have a concept of ‘body shame’ around each other. Pajamas are nonexistent.

45. Any special dreams or goals they have as a couple? Any heartbreaks? Regrets?

They all want kids but are terrified of saying it. Flynn hardly dares to hope, and he wants it so bad he can taste it but he also still dreams about Iris’s cold tiny body sometimes and if he were to lose another child, through miscarriage or accident or anything, he doesn’t think he could live through it. Lucy doesn’t want to turn into her mother, and pregnancy scares her a little, and God, if she were to somehow accidentally erase her own child, or someone else in RH were to–and then there’s the whole Heir of Slytherin thing, maybe she should just let the bloodline die with her? Maybe she should adopt? But that’s a whole other host of complications… and Wyatt is just fucking terrified of being like his dad.

Wyatt also would like a couple of dogs, please, big fluffy ones.

Mostly, though, their mutual goal is to survive this and find a place to live together where their neighbors won’t bitch at them for their lifestyle.

Lucy regrets sleeping with Wyatt in Hollywood. She doesn’t regret being with him now, but saying what they said and doing what they did just made things so much more complicated with Jess later and looking back, she can see that neither of them were ready–especially Wyatt–to jump into the deep end the way they did. But she also remembers how lonely and desperate she was, how she was practically suicidal at one point, and so she can’t blame herself.

Wyatt regrets pretty much everything he said and did once Jess came back. That includes attacking Flynn. He also regrets not listening to Flynn during the Watergate Tapes mission, because maybe if he had, they could’ve worked together and maybe Mason Industries wouldn’t have been destroyed and Lucy wouldn’t have gotten captured and they could’ve saved Amy.

Flynn regrets a hell of a lot but when it comes to Lucy and Wyatt he regrets viewing Lucy as her journal persona and thinking that he knew her when he didn’t.

No heartbreaks directly related to one another so far, but they all have their ghosts and their fears. Wyatt fears the other two will leave him, Lucy fears she’ll come back and one or both of them will never have existed, and Flynn fears they’ll die and he won’t be able to stop it or save them.

…cheerful note to end on, thanks Christine. XD

#mads answers things #mads writes stuff #garcyatt #timeless #timeless fanfic #garcyatt fanfic

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hartenstraat-laura · 6 years

Text

A Little News

TAGGING: Laura Annenberg & Steve Rogers

TIME FRAME: Late night, September 9th, 2018

LOCATION: Their apartment

NOTES: Well... Surprise, Laura’s got a bun in the oven and she doesn’t know how to react.

WARNINGS: Mentions of a past pregnancy, a miscarriage, and some other sad things.

Laura

Laura felt her heart pound as she looked down at the two pink lines on the plastic stick within the grip of her shaking hand. She hadn’t felt this much fear - and uncertainty since she was a teenager. In truth, Laura had even wondered if she’d ever even be able to conceive again, given what she had gone through with her ex, and just how horribly he had treated her. However, the pregnancy test she held in her hand wasn’t the first, but it was certainly the last. Three tests surely couldn’t be wrong. She was pregnant. It explained the sudden burst of illness she’d had a few weeks back, the aching in her breasts, and the obvious absence of her period. She had thought that stress had gotten to her, that she had just been experiencing a late period thanks to it, but apparently not. “I can’t do this.” She let out, her breathing uneven as she sat back against the tub. Beads of sweat began to form on her forehead as she thought about the life that had been growing within her. How far along was she? How much damage had she done to the little life growing inside of her? Due in part to her anxiety about what she may or may not have done to her child, and the fact that she’d blatantly ignored the obvious, a loud scream sounded from her, frustration ebbing from the cry as she slammed her hand down against her thigh, not knowing what else to do, despite the fact that she was freaking out.

Steve

It wasn't that daytime cooking shows didn't fascinate Steve, but the yell that came from the bathroom felt like it was waking him from the dead. He shot up on autopilot, moving swiftly until he was at the bathroom door. If it had been locked before, it sure wasn't now, seeing as he was holding the knob in his hand. His eyes quickly scanned the room, assessing. "Laura? What happened?"

Laura

Laura looked up as soon as the door opened. She was sure that she had locked it, especially with a bag of pregnancy tests, she didn't want to take the chance of Steve accidentally walking in on her. "What does it look like, Steve?" She let out, knuckles white as she dug her nails into the palm of her hand. "Look at the tests on the counter, they all say the same thing." It felt like she had failed somehow, how Laura didn't know, but that anger, that seed of doubt, and that pain of her first pregnancy all came flooding back to her, and despite her better efforts, tears began to well in her large brown eyes.

Steve

Steve had never seen a pregnancy test before, and picked one up before he realized what it was. He looked over it, back at Laura, and then set it down, taking a seat on the floor next to her. He didn't say anything for a few moments, collecting his thoughts. "...I'm sorry I barged in here." Mentally, he added that he had thought she was in danger, but now didn't seem like the time to say it. "Do you want me to go?" It wouldn't be the kind of time he'd want to be alone.

Laura

Slowly, she brought her knees up to her chest, and hugged her legs, allowing herself to drop the pregnancy test on the floor in the process. Laura tried to regulate her breathing, to ignore the slamming beat of her heart. Suddenly, she could feel the warmth of Steve's body next to her by the tub and let out a deep sigh. "You don't have to be sorry for anything." She murmured, turning slowly to look at him. "You can do what you want. I know it's probably pathetic of me to be sitting on the floor of the bathroom like this, so you dont have to join in on my pity party if you have better things to do."

Steve

Steve realized that he was still holding onto the doorknob, and he dropped it to the floor with a hollow metallic thump. He wrapped his arm around Laura, and gave a long breath out of his nose. "Then... I think I'm going to stay right here." He scooted in a little bit closer. "So........ three, huh? That's... no small amount of pee." He was going to say anything for a laugh.

Laura

Laura allowed herself to relax against him, her head naturally finding the curve between his shoulder and neck, and nestling her head in the crook of it. "Thanks, Steve-o." She let out, voice soft as she stared at the tile on the floor, tears streaming down her face. A light, yet short, chuckle sounded from the back of her throat and a small shake of the head came from her. "No... I pulled a Juno and got two big jugs of juice and drank them, and well you know the rest. The jugs are in the tub." Why she had decided of all places to put them there, she didn't quite know, but they sat there, practically mocking her.

Steve

Steve didn't know what a Juno was. His extensive post-ice film education hadn't quite hit upon teen indie darlings yet, but there was still plenty of time. He glanced back and saw the jugs, and nodded as if to confirm their existence. "...Do you want help making an appointment? Or we could go down to... whatevet the Dutch urgent care is. If they have those."

Laura

“What’s urgent care going to do but confirm what I’ve already got on three tests?” She retorted, wiping her cheeks as she slowly shook her head. “I don’t know what I want Steve. I didn’t even think I could get pregnant after what happened... this is a lot to process.”

Steve

"...Well... I don't really consider myself an expert here. But my mother sometimes saw... women at the house. She was a nurse. And you can find out... your next steps, I guess." He was only saying this much because he felt like he was being asked directly. "It's a lot. No one's asking you to make a decision."

Laura

She had been here before, having a breakdown on the floor of a bathroom - scared and unsure. “I know what my next steps are, Steve.” She began, “I’ve been pregnant before. I just don’t know what I want to do, and I don’t know how to process this... theres a human growing in me. Like that’s... that’s a big deal.”

Steve

Immediately, he felt rude. He should just be here to support her, not offer advice. But she had seemed so listless and upset, and he started to rub her arm. He nodded, staying quiet for a little bit. So he offered his solution for whenever his brain was throwing up too many things that he couldn't think about. "You wanna watch a movie?"

Laura

There was a calm within the silence they shared and Laura let out a sigh as Steve began to rub her arm. She wasn't making much sense, nor was she really being rational. But her mind was moving a million miles a minute, and processing the fact that she was pregnant again, after thinking that it wasn't even possible wasn't something her mind could do - not yet anyways. However, before she could think some more, or say anything else, Steve spoke and she moved her head off of his shoulder to look at him. "A movie?" Confusion was laced in her tone, how would a movie of all things help her?

Steve

So, maybe not everyone's coping device was the same, and Steve's cheeks lit up red at Laura's reaction to his question. Instead of his usual stuttering as he tried to think of a recovery for the embarrassing, inappropriate thing that he'd said, he managed to stay silent while he recomposed himself, though he went through a variety of facial shifts. "...They help me when I'm trying to process things, or... make decisions. Let my brain... work in the background." It wasn't perfect, but it was better than what he might have said without the extra time to think.

Laura

Despite not wanting it to, her bottom lip jutted out slightly, and Laura reached up to gently caress Steve's cheek. "I appreciate the sentiment, but I doubt that a movie is going to help me figure out what to do next." Laura paused and looked up at the ceiling, a bitter laugh escaping her. "You know, I wish I knew exactly who the father was, but I don't." she blinked slowly and ran a hand through her long tresses of brown hair. "I bet you regret agreeing to move in with me, huh?"

Steve

Steve couldn't even imagine living the life that Laura did, but he was in no place to judge her, and he just gave a quiet little hum. She didn't know who the father was... so it wasn't... he tried to index the men that he had seen around Laura, but he didn't want to make any assumptions, especially with how she couldn't even seem to narrow it down. "Oh. No. No, don't... I don't regret it at all. If you'll have me, I'd love to help out. But I completely understand if you want your privacy."

Laura

To say she didn’t know exactly who her father was was a lie, she had a few ideas, one stronger than the other but she didn’t want to assume, not when it was a kids life. She gave a loud sigh, that caused her body to sag slightly, before looking over at Steve. A rush of emotion by her when she began to process what he had said. Why he would want to help her was strange, she was just his roommate someone who barely knew her. “Why would you want to help me?” She questioned, confusion laced in her tone. “You don’t have to step up for my mistake, Steve.” to show that she appreciated what he had said though, Laura patted his thigh and gave him a weak smile.

Steve

Steve hadn't even thought of it as stepping up. Just putting together meals when she was working late, taking care of the house a little bit more intensely then he already had... he'd have to quit smoking sooner rather than later if he was going to keep living here, though he doubted that he would still be welcome when the baby came. Or if Laura would still be living here, and not with the father of her child. There were a lot of questions still up in the air. "...That's not how I feel about it at all. I just want to help you. You're... we're friends, right? You're going through a... really rough patch. It's what I would want."

Laura

If there was one thing she had to admit about Steve, it was that he was inherently good. He had a good heart, a good sense of humour and moral compass, and he just... was good. It was strange to her that the two of them had ended up meeting and basically living together, because he seemed like one of the positive forces in her life that she needed. "Just because we're friends doesn't mean that you have to help me out in any way, that's not what you moved in here for. It was for me to help you - remember? And this patch isn't just a patch..." She let out a deep breath and felt a tear slip from her eye. "It's a lifelong one."

Steve

Steve grabbed for her hand, and he turned his body in toward Laura's. He couldn't bear to see her cry, and his hand came up to wipe at her face. But it stopped halfway and hung in the air. He didn't want to violate her boundaries, especially when she was already this upset. Instead, he just squeezed her hand, and nodded his head a little bit. "I want to help, Laura. But this isn't about me. You don't need to worry about me right now. How about... we stand up... get you some water..." He started to stand. This wasn't the first time he'd been with someone going through something traumatic. "And you can get some rest."

Laura

It took a few beats for Laura to realize that Steve's raised hand had been meant to help clean her cheek off, she just looked at it for a moment, and then back at him, and as soon as the realization hit her she felt horrible about it, but also touched. There was a line that he didn't like to cross with her, and whilst she enjoyed it, she wasn't a stranger to touch. Whether it be good or bad. She wanted to say something about it, but before she could he was speaking and she looked at him, the part of her that wasn't panicking knew he was right, and she nodded slightly, squeezing his hand and moving to stand. She doubted very much that she'd be able to rest, that her mind would be going a mile a minute anyways. Cassia had been right - she was pregnant, and now she was just scared. "Will you lay in my bed with me? We don't have to talk, or touch just... I don't want to be alone."

Steve

He helped her up, and nodded the moment that her request passed her lips. "I'll stay with you as long as you want." He felt like that was an important distinction, that between needing and wanting. He didn't want at all to feel like his presence was an obligation, nor that he had somewhere to be, and that she should utilize his company for some imaginary minimum amount of time. No, he wanted her to settle, to rest, to be able to talk about what she was feeling, and hopefully come to a solution. He knew that these kinds of things could be time sensitive. They were way closer to Laura's bedroom than to the kitchen, and he lead her to her bed. "I'll be back in just a second." He got the water as fast as he could, a resuable one that was heavy with ice already having been waiting for him in the fridge. He sat down on the bed when he made his way back. "Little sips." He'd been living with her for a while. He'd imagined she was nauseous, something he'd been for years at a time back when he was sickly.

Laura

When she had heard that in the past, she had questioned it after hearing it - wondered if the person who had said such a thing had meant it. With Steve, Laura knew she didn't have to. He wasn't that kind of person. His word was his bond, even if she felt like him bonding himself to her was a futile attempt, she appreciated the help. Perhaps more than she wanted to admit. The brunette allowed him to lead her to her bedroom, and sat down on her bed. The light from the afternoon was streaming through a crack in her curtains, and she practically hissed at it. Her bedroom was like a den, dark - with the only light being from the light on her alarm clock. Her gaze stayed locked on the knobs on her dresser as Steve left, and came back, her mind dwelling on how she was going to tell Joey and Cassia, how she was going to break it to her best friends that she was pregnant and how she was going to tell Joey that there was a significant chance that the child was his. She licked her lips and turned as Steve returned and sat next to her. "Little sips," she repeated, looking at him, before putting a hand on the glass and taking a sip from it. The water helped her a bit, she had been thirstier than she had initially expected, and glanced at him gratefully. "Thank you Steve, honestly - I appreciate it." Gently, Laura took the glass and placed it on the side table, before climbing under the covers of her bed, and patted the spot behind her, fingers grasping tightly onto the pillow her head lay on.

Steve

Steve had no idea if he was supposed to go above the covers or below them. But he knew that he was supposed to be there to reassure Laura that she wasn't alone, and so he was going to stay close to her. He moved under the covers as well, making sure to stay where he was within arms reach of the water bottle, and on an impulse he wrapped his arm around Laura. He didn't feel uncomfortable with it. It was just strange, this feeling of having someone so small in his arms like this, pressed up to him so closely. Perhaps, given the circumstances, something that he would have to get used to. He was quiet for a moment, but he knew that if he was in Laura's situation, that was the last thing that he would want, to be left along with his thoughts. All of this was so that Laura wouldn't feel alone. "...Can I tell you a story?" It was going to be meaningless filler, just words for her to focus on instead of her racing thoughts.

Laura

The warmth of Steve's body radiated into her before she even felt the solidity of his frame against her back. When she had first met him, she had thought him to be solid, but feeling him close to her, with his arm wrapped around her only proved her right. She felt comfortable though, and oddly safe. The part of her that was sane, and perhaps not maniacally processing what she was going through, hoped that he was okay with what she had asked, considering how awkward he usually was around her. The brunette took a deep breath, and rather than clutching at her pillow, placed her arm so it was against Steves, her hand meeting his own. As she lay there, thoughts of the last time she was pregnant ran through her mind, her ex, the baby she lost. And she hoped that despite being pregnant, she wouldn't have to go through the pain of losing yet another child. Steve's deep voice was a welcome distraction, and she gently nodded, needing to hear something than her own screaming thoughts.

Steve

Steve nodded, and he pulled her in firm against his chest when he felt her moving in close of her own accord. It was slow, like he was nervous that he was going to hurt her. "...Alright. So, when I was a little kid, my mom and I lived in a pretty tall building in New York City." It was Brooklyn, so it was nothing like the modern high-rises. After living in Avengers Tower, he was pretty sure that he'd never have the same opinion of heights again. "And, as you well know, my birthday twin, my birthday was on the fourth of July." He'd picked this story because it was one of the few happy ones that had come immediately to mind, and because he didn't think he was going to have to sprinkle mountains of context around it. "...So, every year on my birthday, my best friend and I would go up to my building's roof. It was this whole elaborate thing. There was a lockpicking involved. We had to climb up a ladder, which was no small feat for me. So... one year, I was too sick to go up. I was probably... twelve. I was getting over something or another. So my friend.... Bucky, his name's Bucky... he must have set up a dozen blankets on the roof, threw me over his shoulder... I was half-conscious the whole night. But he made damn well sure that I got to see the fireworks."

Laura

Laura lay there, listening to him as he spoke, imagining a young Steve in a building from the 1920's, picking a lock with his best friend. It was an odd scene to concoct, considering Steve had a purity about him, but it made her smile anyways, and as he continued to speak, her mind formulated images, going along with the story. It was touching to hear that his friend had done such a thing for him. Growing up she'd only had one person she could call a best friend, and she had been told to stay away from her after a time, thanks to her mother. But Steve, Steve had lucked out in the friend lottery with Bucky it seemed. A small smile formed on her lips and a contented sound came from deep within her chest. "While I can't imagine you picking a lock... I'm happy that you had suck a good friend at such a young age, that he would do that for you... That's beautiful, Steve."

Steve

Steve hadn't even realized that he'd started stroking at Laura's hair while he was telling the story. But he had no intention to stop. He laughed a little bit. "He's still alive today." He felt like it was the ultimate happy ending. "He's still young. He's... healthy. For the most part. Uh... we fought together... I thought that he was dead. He fell out of a train, couple hundred feet. But... he's alive. He's in Wakanda right now." He laughed. "You can't imagine me picking a lock? What about picking a fight with a guy for talking during a movie?"

Laura

Having her hair played with caused her to relax a little more, and her racing thoughts to subside enough that she could breathe without fearing a hyperventilation fit. "So, did he get frozen like you did?" She asked into the darkness, voice small as she imagined someone falling out of a train. She'd have a heart attack, so she didn't quite know how Steve hadn't had one yet. The brunette pursed her lips as she felt the laugh that came from Steve radiate into her back. He was comfortable with her, and helping her - which was all that really mattered. "I don't know how you function, seeing your friend having dropped a couple hundred feet... But I'm glad he's okay." She mused softly, as she began to slowly rub small circles into the skin on the back of his hand. "Wait, hold on. You picked a fight with a guy for talking during a movie? That's when you wait until the last minute, dump your popcorn at him an run out, not pick a fight."

Steve

Steve shook his head. "It was one of the worst things that ever happened to me. But... it was war. It actually happened a couple weeks before World War II ended. Uh... he got picked up by the Soviets and they... you know, I'm not really sure I ever got a consensus on how they kept him the same age. But he got the same... stuff that I got." He laughed again at her reaction to his question. "No, nah, naw. I asked him to take it outside. He beat the shit out of me."

Laura

Laura had been through her fair share of horrible things in life, but she'd never been through war. Sure, she'd been at war with her mind before, but never had she had to see friends of her die in combat, or assume they were dead because they fell from a moving train. The fact that Steve could be so kind after something so tragic was a miracle within itself, and she was grateful that he'd been given a disposition to be able to push through it - or at least seemingly push through it. She turned her head slightly so she could look at him, lips pursed. "You need to learn to pick your battles, Steven." She sassed weakly, they apparently had something in common though - being beaten up. But the circumstances were completely different.

Steve

"I've been hearing that since I was six years old." He shook his head. "It wasn't the first time. Uh, wasn't the last one either. That was actually the night that I signed up for the army, though. That jerk changed my life. So maybe I should go up to the next person that talks during a movie and shake their hand." He tucked his head over her shoulder, looking for the more comfortable angle. Not that he wasn't used to being uncomfortable. "...You know what I miss?"

Laura

"I would advise against that, people don't really shake hands after movies anymore, but by all means you can go ahead and try it." She mused, moving her head so that he could be more comfortable once his head was tucked over her shoulder. "What do you miss?"

Steve

Steve snorted a laugh. "'You think we all used to go around shaking hands after the movies? Do you think we also talked to strangers on the subway and wore three piece suits to take out the trash?" He rolled his eyes. "I miss the Brooklyn Dodgers."

Laura

"Yeah actually, I mean old people are usually so friendly so I figured they were just used to it from growing up, you know? I know it sounds stupid, considering what was going on at the time, and hell what's still going on with society, but I just... Figured - Sorry I sound stupid." She finished, cheeks slightly flushed from the rambling that she'd just gone through. She'd heard of the dodgers, and was confused for a few moments, until she recalled what city the dodgers called home now. "You're stuck with the Yankees now, unfortunately."

Steve

"What old people are you talking to?" He laughed. He hadn't met very many nice old people in his day, and he certainly wasn't used to seeing them now. Especially when he'd been working with the Avengers, doing promotional things. "You're not stupid. Totally a valid question. And I'll die before I wear a fuckin' Yankee's jersey." But there was no malice behind it.

Laura

"My Bubbi! She was a nice old lady thank you very much, and there are some older couples that come to the store that are sweet too, I'll have you know." She retorted, with a small sigh, only to roll her eyes at what Steve had to say. She had never been into sports to a any sort of degree, but she knew that the Yankees were either loved or hated. She went quiet for a few moments, thinking back to Steve sharing stories of his past. Her past was dark, but not as dark as his. One thing was for certain though, if she was going to have the baby growing inside her, she was determined to give it a better childhood than what she had had. Instinctively, her hand went to her still very flat stomach, and she sighed. "Remind me to get a Yankee's onesie for this kid once it's born."

Steve

"You're Jewish?" He didn't sound shocked or fazed, just absorbing this fact about his roommate that he hadn't known before. He'd grown up in Brooklyn in the 20's and 30's. Many of the people in his school and college had been Jewish, so he was familiar with the term. "I never met my grandparents. Both of my parents immigrated. But I heard a lot of stories from my mom." He didn't want to pry, but he knew that it was important that Laura was processing this on some level. "So... the kid is... going to be born?"

Laura

Slowly, she nodded. "I'm not practicing or anything, but yeah. My moms Jewish, and so I was raised with the religion - sort of. My mom wasn't really practicing either, but there were times in life where she relied on her faith and brought me into it too." She stated evenly, remembering times where they would pray, or go to the synagogue for a bit of rest when they needed out of a bad environment for awhile. "Where did your parents immigrate from?" She asked, hoping that Steve wouldn't notice the long pause she had taken - but it was to no avail and she let out a huff. One that shook slightly. "If I can carry it to term." She admitted, voice thick. "I told you about my ex, right?"

Steve

Steve nodded. It was often how he had felt about his Catholicism. He had gone to the church for his mother's funeral, and then he wasn't sure that he'd stepped into one again until, well, until Peggy's. But he still identified strongly with the religion, despite meeting actual, flesh and blood gods and monsters. "They immigrated from Ireland at the tail end of the famine. They met here. ...I'm not going to romanticize their story, but.." He was glad for the change of subject, even if it was just as dark. "...You did. So you're worried..."

Laura

Laura thought for a minute, about Steve growing up in an Irish Catholic household, and it suddenly clicked as to why he was the way he was. She would ask him more about it at a later date, for he seemed more interested in her now, and she felt like there was no escaping what she had to tell him. Not now anyways. "Yeah, but not for the reason you might be completely thinking... You see when he got violent with me... I was pregnant and well... I lost the baby, and so I'm worried that there's going to be scar tissue and that while I'm pregnant now that I won't be in a few months time..." She paused then, and gulped as she blinked back hot tears. "And I don't know if I can go through that again, Steve."

Steve

Steve pulled away, but it was just enough so that he could sit up and get a really good look at her. He could feel his heart growing. He had already had all of this respect for her, but he felt it increase by so much in that moment. He grabbed for her hand. "...That's a situation that no one should ever find themselves in. I'm so sorry that that happened to you. I can't even imagine..." He'd lost an infant brother, but he was sure it didn't touch the pain of losing a child. "...Do you think it's important to see a doctor through the process?"

Laura

Another huff left her, this time tears accompanied it, making looking up at Steve difficult. He was just a blurry form hovering above her. "It wasn't easy. I woke up in the hospital and my mom was there, and it was like my whole life had changed while I was unconscious." She informed him, voice quivering as she held onto his hand, memories of breaking down in the hospital bed and holding onto her mother flooding back into her conscious. "I think that what's meant to be is what's meant to be, and if I'm meant to be a mom the baby will be okay... But the visits to the doctor will have to happen anyways."

Steve

Steve blinked back a little bit too, and he rubbed his free hand uo and down her arm. There was nothing he could say or do to comfort her from a memory like that. He knew that too well. Even her choice of words... her whole life changing while she was unconscious. It resonated. "...I want to be there, at your appointments. If you'll let me. I don't have to go in. Just someone waiting there for you. Making sure you have... someone. Someone there. I understand if you don't..."

Laura

First he had offered to help her out with anything she had needed, and now this. It was too much and a sob came from her. It was meant to be a laugh, but a sob it had been. "Why are you so nice?!" Her voice was strained as she raised her other hand to wipe the tears from her face. "Y-You don't have to do that Steve, this is my responsibility, and my mistake, not yours." She stated, blinking and turning slightly to look at him.

Steve

He couldn't help himself. He wrapped her up in a tight hug, so powerful that it brought her onto his lap. He was wearing soft, threadbare pajama pants, and he shifted so that she could at least sit comfortably. "It's not a mistake. It's a blessing. ...Forgive me. If I'm overstepping. But that's how I see it."

Laura

She allowed him to wrap her up in a tight hug, not caring that he had moved her, or that her face was buried within the confines of his neck. The hug was needed, and she sniffled into his skin, feeling silly for crying on his shoulder. "It is a mistake though, Steve. I wanted kids, but I didn't want a baby like this. I told myself after last time if I had kids, it would be when I was married, or at least had a partner that wanted a kid too... This... This is an accident. A beautiful, messed up, accident."

Steve

Steve rubbed across her back, prepared to stay here as long as he was needed. He still disagreed, but he wasn't about to put that out in the open. "Laura, I've only known you for a few weeks. But I know that you have so much love in your life. There are people here in this city that would do anything for you. You don't have anything to be afraid of."

Laura

Laura pulled back then, it was true, they had no sooner met and she had asked him if he wanted to sleep on her couch. Now here the were with her crying in his lap. "But what if I fuck this baby up? What if I'm a bad mom, or if I lose it. What if..." She sighed and looked up at the ceiling, shaking her head some. "I just want to be a good mom, but I don't know if I know how to do or be that if the baby even lives long enough for me to be a fully fledged mother."

Steve

Steve had been so happy to change this topic earlier, but now it was the only thing that he could think to say. "...My mother lost two children." He closed his eyes against what he was saying, thinking about her, but he opened them again. "Once when she was pregnant, once when the baby was seven months old. It didn't make her a bad mother. She was the best ma anyone could have asked for. Strong... resilient... she's still my hero. I use her advice every single day. Laura, you're already a hell of a mom. You were before this kid."

Laura

She sat there on his lap, listening to him speak, and watching through tear filled eyes as he told her about his mother. Child loss wasn't uncommon back then, and it wasn't so uncommon now, but it was hardly talked about, and so the burden and the guilt that she felt was a lot - but it lessened some with what Steve said. Even if just a little. "Sounds like she was one tough cookie to have gone through that," she mused thoughtfully, lip quivering slightly. Her body ached to cry, but there were no more tears left in her to be released. "How can you be so sure of that? You hardly know me, Steve."

Steve

Laura didn't even know the half of it, what they had went through as a family of two. He nodded, and he rubbed up and down against her arm, quiet for a couple of moments as he reflected on this. He adjusted, moving one of his legs in closer. "I hear it when you talk. It's obvious how much you loved your first. And how much you're going to love this kid. And how you're going to fight for them... and that's what makes a mom. Not anything else."

Laura

Hey brown eyes focused on him for a few moments, touched that he’d listened to the tone. She hasn’t brought up her first often, but when she did there was a love and a loss there, and to be frank she was shocked he had actually noticed. “Thank you, honestly.” She said, before wrapping her arms around him and hugging him tight, grateful that they had met, and that despite how awkward it was for them to go through such an intense experience together - that Steve had been there to go through it with her.

#para: 002 #para: steve #para: a little news #tw: miscarriage mention #miscarriage mention #miscarriage mention tw

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lolablackwrites · 7 years

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Christmas Reunion (James x MC)

Summary: An unexpected reunion at the mall during the holiday season brings back a rush of memories for James and MC (Beth).

Notes: This is my entry for #ChoicesCreates30 hosted by @captainsugarcakes and @holly-park! I swear, I intended for this to be a fun, sexy, NSFW reunion piece and then my brain went all dark and twisty and angsty. Oh well, I hope you enjoy it! :-D

Fanfic Master List

James was dreading this trip to the mall. Dreading, dreading, dreading. But he’d waited too long to buy his mother a birthday present and dinner was in a few hours so it was really his own fault. James sat in his car in the parking garage, trying to rouse the strength to go inside. He didn’t like malls at the best of times, but it was a week before Christmas and now the mall would be especially intolerable. All the anxious shoppers racing around trying to find last minute stocking stuffers, cranky from holiday stress while Christmas carols piped unceasingly throughout the mall’s speakers. It was enough to make even Tiny Tim say, “Fuck it, this isn’t worth the aggravation.”

When had he become such a scrooge? When James was younger, he’d rather enjoyed the holiday. The soft glow of the Christmas tree, cookies and eggnog, the cozy feeling of love and togetherness. Now, the whole thing felt like such a hassle. James had contemplated just skipping the holiday altogether, but he knew that wasn’t an option because his presence at his parents’ annual Christmas party was mandatory. Then, with his mother’s birthday only a week before the holiday, there was no escaping the season.

James sighed and climbed out of his car, steeling himself for the mall. When the automatic doors slid open, he cringed.

“JUST HEAR THOSE SLEIGH BELLS RING-TING-TINGLING-RING-TING-TINGLING TOO!”

In the center of the mall was a faux winter wonderland surrounded by rings of parents and bored children, all standing in line waiting to see Santa.

Our kid would’ve been ten by now.

The thought makes James stop cold. It’d been awhile since he thought about the miscarriage, but that memory always surfaced when he least wanted it to. Not that he ever really enjoyed thinking about it. He shook his head, trying to push away the memory. No matter how hard he tried, he could never forget the way Beth looked that day, her mood as gray as a winter sky. James suddenly felt desperate to get away from the Santaland. He glanced around and walked quickly into the closest store.

James looked around and took in the shop, which was filled with overpriced kitchen equipment and gadgets. His mother didn’t cook--he wasn’t entirely sure she knew where the kitchen was--but he resolved to find a present in here if it meant he could get this godforsaken shopping trip over with faster. He marveled at the endless rows of equipment and was surprised to find how few things he actually recognized. He wasn’t completely ignorant in the kitchen, but did people actually need to banana slicers? James looked around, lost, and noticed a row of cookbooks in the back of the store. Maybe he could find one about cooking with wine, his mother might actually try with a bottle from the vineyard. James headed back towards the books, past several aisles, when someone crashed into him, nearly knocking him into a display of teapots.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry!” the woman exclaimed, catching his arm just before he hit the breakables.

“No, it’s okay, it’s my fault,” James said. “I wasn’t watching where I was--” He looked over at the woman and the last word stuck in his throat. There, standing beside him, was Beth.

“Beth!” he exclaimed. “How . . . how are you?” he asked. It took him a moment to notice her belly, swollen underneath her green sweater.

“James,” she said, her eyes wide. “Um . . . good. I’m good. How are you?” she asked. She tried to smile, but James recognized the tightness of it, the forced curve. Even after all these years, he could still read her expressions like they were his own.

“Good,” he said. They fell into an awkward silence while “Up on the Housetop” started up over the store speakers. “Um, so, I guess some congratulations are in order,” he said, gesturing towards her stomach.

“Oh, thanks,” Beth said. James noticed the glittering ring set on her left hand. When did she get married? “Only a few more weeks to go. I’m due in January.”

“Well, congratulations, that’s really exciting,” James said. His throat felt tight, too many memories tugging at his attention.

“I can’t do this anymore,” Beth said. “Every time I look at you, all I see is what I’ve lost.”

“You’re not the only one who lost something!” James yelled. “This isn’t just about you!”

“So . . . what have you been up to?” Beth asked. James knew she was just being polite, but he answered anyway.

“Teaching. At Hartfield,” James said. “I’m actually in Vasquez’s old office.” James regretted mentioning that detail as soon as the words left his lips. Beth flinched. That was where it had all started, the beginning of the end.

Beth leaned back on the desk, pulling him deeper into her as she arched her back, closing around him as she came, pulling him over his own edge until they were both panting collapsed into each other.

“Oh, shit,” James said.

“What?” Beth asked, sitting upright. “Are you okay?”

“It . . . it broke.”

The flush in her face drained.

“That’s good,” Beth said quickly. “I bet you’re a good teacher.”

“They haven’t fired me yet,” James joked. She didn’t laugh. “Listen, I don’t know if you’re busy, but do you want to grab a cup of coffee or something and catch up? Decaf, of course,” he added, forcing a smile.

“Oh . . .” Beth looked uncomfortable. “Actually, I can’t, I have to go. It was nice to see you though, James.”

“Yeah, you too,” James said, but she’d already turned and was heading for the front of the store. She left and faded into the mall’s holiday crowd, leaving James by the teapots as the carols played on.

“RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER HAD A VERY SHINY NOSE!”

James waited for a moment, trying to give her a head start, before he left the kitchen store without a cookbook. He avoided looking at the Santaland line and he headed straight for the exit. James hurried to his car and climbed inside, cranking up the heat. He’d just get his mother some flowers; that was a much safer gift anyway.

James sat in the car for several minutes, reliving the encounter in his head. She’d looked beautiful. Pregnancy suited Beth; it always had.

“Promise to love me even when I’m huge and sending you out for pickles and ice cream at 2am?” Beth asked.

“If anything, I’ll love you more,” James replied with a grin, kissing her forehead.

A man and a woman walked by James’s car, a little girl in a puffy purple snow jacket on the man’s hip. Her hat was yellow with a large puff ball on the top. The man tickled the girl and she laughed, her voice ringing out in the parking lot, audible even over the sound of the fully cranked heater in James’s car. As soon as they’d passed, James buckled his seatbelt and drove out of the parking garage, far away from the mall.

#ChoicesCreates30 #ChoicesCreates #@captainsugarcakes #@holly-park #playchoices #choices stories you play #pixelberry #fanfic #James #James Ashton #James x MC #James Ashton x MC #The Freshman #The Sophomore #angst #So much ANGST #I need ice cream

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harryallcn-blog · 6 years

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is that ( SAM CLAFLIN ) ? good grief, no… that’s just ( HAROLD ALLEN ) the ( TWENTY-EIGHT ) year old ( SOLICITOR ) from ( SECOND CLASS ). i’ve heard the stewards gossiping and they say he is ( INTENSE ) & ( HEADSTRONG ) but thankfully also ( RELIABLE ) & ( THOUGHTFUL ). i also heard he is on board because ( HE WANTS A NEW START FOR HIS DAUGHTER ).

hi hello, i’m hels (old enough to supposedly have a life, and in a timezone no one else is) and dis is ma boi, harry! taLK ABOUT a rp that made me scream and stop everything i was doing just to plan a muse for it bc “is thAT A TITANIC RP?”. lmao, how embarrassing,,, ANYWAYS, enough about my bs, let’s get started on my new child! ps: if you’d like to plot, could you please like this post? so i know i can go around and message and annoy the hell out of you. thank you very much lol

born harold benjamin allen, in september 1884, the third child of a middle class couple. at a very young age, his family moved to thornton, west yorkshire, as his father was the solicitor to the earl of bridgemore (aka, clarissa grant’s father).

in that small village, his mother started her own business: the town’s bodega, so she was pretty known around there. as for his father, he had a law office in bradford.

he’s always been a smart boy, very well read and good at everything he does; wouldn’t be hard to see him lowkey bonding with people from a higher class than his own; though he would always be discourage to act like them by his parents, as they weren’t in the same position as those.

it was at the age of 17 that he met the “love of his life”, elizabeth. she was one of the rich kids, visiting thornton back then, and they fell for each other. although he should be worrying with something other than girls (like preparing himself to go to law school), they got married not longer after he turned 18—just in time before her parents arranged her a marriage that would make them happy.

harold did attend law school, though, and that may have driven both him and his wife a little distant. they were good together, there was no lie to it, but just year after being married, it was clear that both of them should’ve put more of themselves in their relationship.

elizabeth’s parents disliked harry with a burning passion and it wouldn’t be hard to see him being excluded from their social events; he was never welcome in their home or had his presence required, which probably only added to drifting the couple apart, as lizzie was too close to her family. maybe she regretted her decision of marrying sometimes—that’s something he used to think whenever they were out, seeing how she also excluded him sometimes and the way she looked almost nostalgic to her sisters and friends, who married wealthy men.

EITHER WAY, not everything was painful in this marriage. on autumn of 1907, they had their first daughter: lilian. it was around this time that their almost broken marriage started to build up again, as he had already finished school and had them moving to bradford, working on his father’s office and getting quite a good money for them to do their things and raise a kid. they finally took time for each other, to know each other and fall in love all over again, thus coming with a kid.

harry is one of these fools for a father: he loves lily with all his heart and everything she does brings him a smile. both him and lizzie were good parents and, not longer after a first child, they were expecting a second.

it was like a fairy tale coming to an end way too soon: in the winter of 1909, elizabeth had a miscarriage and did not survive. it was a long and deep fall for harold; to be on the highest and happiest moments of his life (finally), only to lose almost everything that mattered.

if it wasn’t enough to lose his wife and having her parents blamed him for her death, they also wanted lilian’s custody. it was a long process in which he depended on his brothers and father to get through. in the end, that hasn’t been long ago, he won the case.

after such stressful and sad situation, harold decided it would be for the best if he took his daughter and moved out of bradford, out of yorkshire, perhaps even out of england: making more sense when he decided to go to america.

packed to move for good with a five-year-old: that’s how he gets to the rms titanic.

ALRIGHT. so after all this background, here’s a few details of how he is in general??? (AS IF THIS ISN’T LONG ENOUGH LOL):

very responsible and kind, harry always put others before him. he doesn’t hesitate in helping as long as he knows what to do to help (if he doesn’t, he will find someone who does).

actually hates his job??? hates it a lot, tbh. he’s only become a solicitor because that’s what his father is and he decided to go with the family stuff. if it depended on him, he would be an engineer (and who knows... maybe he’s still to become one...)

very fascinated by trains and (now) ships? you can bet his nerd ass gets very !!!! while on board.

his daughter is by his side at almost all times and, if she is not, it may be because she is sleeping, for sure. she is also very friendly so sometimes he sees himself having to engage a conversation because of her.

it isn’t like he doesn’t like to talk, though, he is just... a bit quiet and still recovering and kind mourning his wife’s death, since he had no time for that during all these years fighting her parents.

#rmsintro #iii. ( headcanons )#vi. ( writer )#LONG ASS INTRO BC I AM TRASH I AM SORRY?

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broken-but-not-defeated · 5 years

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A future as bright as the flame of a candle: My opinions on abortion.

I fear the path my country is going down. I fear that as a woman, I have no control over what happens to my body. I fear that I have no control over the conditions in which I am forced to live. I am not in control over the smile which has been plastered onto my face, because if I don’t wear this mask and fake approval and contentment, I am seen as a whiney, naggy millennial with too much time on her hands. If I speak out, I sign up for a war between me and those around me who disagree. If I stay silent, I become part of the problem. I fear for the men, women, and children who want control over what happens to them in life. I fear the men, women, and children who blindly hand that control over to suits in big offices who will never know them or their story.

Abortion is a huge topic in the news right now. Things are changing in this country, and not for the better. Ohio passed a law to ban abortion if a heartbeat can be detected, with no exception for rape and incest. Doctors in Alabama could face life in prison for performing abortions. In Georgia, women could face a death sentence for getting an abortion, and that may even include miscarriages. Even birth control methods like the pill and IUDs can now be seen as methods of abortion.

Recently, an 11 year old girl was raped, and that resulted in a pregnancy. She is being forced to carry out that pregnancy, even through both the physical and mental trauma that she has been and will continue to go through. If her body is unable to support the pregnancy, as she is a literal child, her potential miscarriage could be seen as an abortion and she could be charged with murder. This is how you ruin people’s lives, and not how you protect them.

Imagine for a moment you had a dog. You loved that dog with all of your heart. That dog was family to you. Now imagine that the dog was sick. Imagine a vet came to you and explained that your dog was past the point of treatment, and it was up to you to decide what to do, but the dog would suffer in agony for the rest of their life if you chose to keep them alive. The choice wouldn’t be easy, but more times than not, we would choose to end their suffering. We have to say goodbye to our fuzzy friends all the time for this very reason, because it would be inhumane to choose to let the poor animal suffer.

Now imagine your loved one was in a coma, and had been for a long time. It could be a parent, an aunt or uncle, a cousin, or even your own child. All that is keeping them alive are the machines they are strapped up to. Now imagine their doctor coming to you as the next of kin, and asking you if you would consent to pulling the plug. Their condition has only gotten worse and will continue to get worse as time goes on. It would be a tough call to make, but in a lot of cases, the correct choice would be clear. This happens all the time, and there are many times where pulling the plug is the right thing to do, to end the person’s suffering.

Now imagine you were pregnant. You loved this child with all of your heart and you couldn’t wait to meet them and hold them in your arms, watch them grow, and give them all the love in the world. But imagine you went to one of your regular doctors appointments, and got the news that your child would not make it much past birth. For whatever reason, your child, the one you hold in your belly right now, the one living off of your life force, would die hours, maybe even minutes after they leave your body. I once babysat a newborn baby that would turn blue because he had a defect that prevented him from breathing. He died after only 4 months of life, and he suffered every minute of it. Now imagine you had a choice to end their suffering before it began. Would you choose to hold your baby in your arms as they suffocate to death, gasping for air that they may never get? Or would you choose to pull your own version of the plug? Well, now you don’t have to choose.

In all three cases, there is a chance that things will improve. But there is a much greater chance that they won’t. Would you be willing to take that chance at their expense? What if it was you in those situations? What would you want a loved one to choose for you?

Imagine you had a history of illness, drug abuse, eating disorders, or whatever else that would make a pregnancy considered at-risk for you and the child. If that child dies within you because your body couldn’t handle it, well, you could be sentenced to life in prison, or even lose your own life due to the death penalty. Whether or not you wanted that pregnancy, whether or not grieved the loss of a child that you truly planned on bringing into this world, it doesn’t matter. Your life will be ruined or taken away completely.

Imagine you were in an abusive relationship, and you ended up pregnant. Imagine telling your partner, and then holding a knife to your throat, telling you that if you didn’t abort the baby, they would do it themselves and kill you as well. I had an old friend that went through this exact thing. She had no way to leave. No family, no money, nowhere to go, nothing. She went through with the abortion, even though she didn’t want to, because she knew he would have made good on his word. She knew that if she had gone to the police, it would have been his word against hers, and she couldn’t afford to bet her life on it.

Imagine you had been tossed around from foster home to foster home all your life, from institutions to families who just wanted to collect the check that you came with. Imagine the trauma that you could have endured at the hands of the foster care system, because not all foster/adoption cases are all sunshine and rainbows. Imagine you finally get out of there and on your own, and you end up pregnant. You have no money, nowhere for a baby to grow in a healthy environment, and no family to help support you. Imagine handing over your baby to the system that failed you, knowing the life that they may be forced to endure just like you did. Imagine hundreds of thousands of unwanted babies being thrown into that system right along with them. More children growing up wondering why their mom and dad didn’t love them enough to keep them. More children being abused by foster families who don’t care. More foster families using these children as money makers.

Imagine you were a young woman who just didn’t want a pregnancy. For whatever reason, you just don’t want it. Imagine being on the pill, and using condoms as well. Imagine that you still ended up pregnant, the methods of birth control used failing. That happened to another friend of mine. She chose to keep the baby, but what if she didn’t have the means to? What if she didn’t want to permanently alter her body? What if she had medical abnormalities that she wouldn’t want passed onto her child? What if she had very real, very valid reasons for using birth control and wanting to prevent a pregnancy in the first place?

Now imagine even using birth control being outlawed. If you don’t use it, you’re forced to conceive a child that you didn’t want. If you do use it, you are now seen as a murdered in the eyes of the law. Imagine getting the same sentence as a serial killer for taking one small pill.

Imagine wanting to get a surgical procedure that will make absolute sure that you won’t get pregnant. You know that you don’t want kids, you never have wanted kids, and you will never want kids. You’re doing what you can to prevent pregnancies in the safest, most responsible way that works for you, making it so that no life will ever be created that could potentially be taken away. Now imagine being turned away by doctor after doctor because a stranger thinks they know what you want more than you do. Regrets happen, sure. But maybe one of those regrets will turn into a child thrown into the system actually being adopted.

They claim that these laws aren’t for religious reasons, as we have a separation of church and state. But religion is the only thing I can think of that would logically explain this absurdity. So what about me? Even taking abortion off the table, there’s still so many things I am not allowed to do with my own body. I am in a straight, monogamous marriage. It is biblically allowed for me to engage in sexual acts with my husband. However, I am poor. I live with my husband and his drug addicted, alcoholic, verbally and physically abusive family. This is no place for a child, and it won’t be until we make it out of this place that I would even want to think about bringing one into this world. But I still engage in sexual intercourse with my husband. We use birth control. Take that away from us, and we will have no other option. Imprison me because I took a pill or used a condom in order to prevent something that isn’t right at this moment. Put me to death because I supposedly aborted a child that was never conceived due to taking birth control. You know, they’re right. This isn’t religious. Even the Bible wasn’t this restrictive. This is absolute governmental control, and it is disgusting.

At the end of the day, making abortions illegal will not stop them from happening. It will only stop them from happening safely. People will be dropping dead from infection as quickly as new, unwanted ones are being born. Hundreds of thousands of babies each year will be thrown into a system that doesn’t care about them. Innocent people will die at the hands of the law or spend their days rotting in a cell, right beside rapists, child molesters, and serial killers, for miscarrying a child they actually wanted. Doctors will be right there with them for doing safe, humane procedures in an attempt to save more lives than will soon be lost.

If we don’t have control over our own bodies, what do we have control over?

This is sick.

I fear the path my country is going down.

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nataliesmagicaladventure · 7 years

Text

For Posterity

Wow, I bet you guys all forgot that you were following me, this wordy blog that only pops up on your dash once every few months to spew angst. You might not even remember why you followed me in the first place, and are looking at the “unfollow” button as it taunts you, but you’re still kinda curious. Who is this girl (I’m Natalie) and why do I follow her (I used to blog about Disney and the dcp) and how come she only comes and goes from my life when her life is falling apart (I’m selfish)? Well, guys, here’s a long post under the cut about my weekend, with a little bit of back story sprinkled in, if you dare to approach.

Catch Up

Quick background as to what I’ve been up to. I’m still at that same job I’ve posted about hating so much for the last year and a half. Yep. I’ve been there one year and five months now. I cannot even believe it myself. I have the same boss and the same office mate. However, since the start of 2017, our office dynamics have been shifting a bit. The officemate has been sensing my days are numbered since the day I started, but now his days too are numbered. He’s going back to school in the fall so his day, too, are numbered. Also, the three of us (boss, officemate, and I), have been spending some extracurricular time together. We went to a Packer party in January where I got absolutely trashed and made a fool of myself (and the Packers lost). Then on Valentine’s Day, we all started playing Tuesday night trivia together every week. It’s been an experience for sure. It’s become a weekly occurrence for me to have 3-4 beers (always IPAs with higher ABV because I’m human garbage) and then to say one or two things that I definitely regret the next morning and pray that upon walking into the office no one remembers me saying. It’s cool (also humiliating).

There are some other things that have been building for a while between the officemate and myself. Not sexual tension or anything. He’s in a happily committed relationship and I’m happily so irritated by all human beings that I have no desire to be in any sort of relationship, sexual or otherwise (I’m still working through issues that arose from that one thing that happened to me at a party back in Florida although it’s been like a year and a half but I’m still not huge on being touched in any capacity). But there is a sort of camaraderie. Friendship? I have a friend crush on him, I think. Like, I just want to be apart of his world.

Well, I pushed my shitty self into his life this weekend. And that is why I have come here to write this obnoxiously long post. I want to capture this weekend to remind myself that I am capable of being a human dumpster fire and also still come out the other side feeling damn good about myself. To start, we should discuss my Vision Quest (more backstory).

The Vision Quest

A few weeks ago my boss walked into our office and said to me, “Natalie, what is that one thing you want to do this summer?” And I looked at her blankly like, what the fuck? And she kept pushing. What do you want to do? What do you want to accomplish? Well, what she does not know is that I am planning on moving. And I don’t mean, move out of my parents place into the city (oh yeah, I’m still with Mom and Dad). I mean, move move. Out of state. Out of mind. Denver, Salt Lake, Austin, Charlotte, Nashville. Those are my options. I want SLC or Denver. My best friend Nicole wants Austin (she was born and raised there, and that’s where her mom lives) or maybe Denver/Boulder. But I did comment that I’m going to Utah this summer (for Nerdtacular) so I guess that’s my Big Thing.

She told me I needed something else. She’s right. I’ve been pretty depressed the last few months. Not debilitating like it has been in the past, but I’ve definitely had a mood shift. I’ve never been the most happy-go-lucky person, but there are some day I would just drag myself into work and barely able to function as a human being all day. I’d stare into the middle ground. I’d get agitated and angry at homemakers and clients over dumb shit. I’d snap like a motherfucker at the officemate. I’d almost always apologize, but I definitely would snipe at him unjustly. So I said I needed a Vision Quest.

When I said I needed a Vision Quest, I meant it mostly as a joke. Also, in the sense of culturally appropriating Native American folklore of going through a series of trials and coming out a man on the other end. That’s what I was talking about. The officemate interpreted my Vision Quest and I need to try psychedelics. He didn’t say that directly, but he linked me to an episode of The Simpsons where Homer eats a hot pepper that sends him on a psychedelic trip. He out of the blue started sending me articles about 60s counterculture, and more specifically, Owsley Stanley. Jokes on him, because what he didn’t know about me is that my senior year high school research paper was a 20 page long research paper into how drug culture impacted American history starting in the 1940′s to present (2011 present). I find all of that shit so fascinating to begin with, so then I spent my day at work listening to songs about the counterculture and psychedelics and in a Wikipedia wormhole clicking link and link to learn about so many different kinds of drugs that are lesser know variant of lsd.

But do not mistake this for me wanting to drop acid with my officemate. That is definitely not something I have any intention of doing. (At least for now. Again, changing dynamics). Nicole and I have joked about how it’s so goddamn weird that he has not at all broached the topic of smoking weed together (like a normal goddamn person who would want to do drugs with their coworker) but he went right to “we should do psychedelics, a deeply profound and person experience, together.”

As Nicole and I would joke about that, I did say, I’d smoke with the officemate any day. It’s the lsd that gave me pause. That was about a month ago now. But I never thought that would be a line I’d cross with him. Until...

Last Week

We’ll get there. I’ll let those words hang. I mean, we all know where that’s going so I will fill in how this last week has gone. The officemate is huge into a jam band. The kind of thing where he travels around the country seeing them and getting into them, and this week they were on his home turf for a three night event, and the officemate’s 100th show was set to be night two.

The officemate invited us to join him on either night 1 or 3. He mostly wanted us there on night 1, though. I, though, have *spoiler alert* debilitating anxiety that makes it hard for me to believe that any would actually want to hang out with me. He asked the boss and I to go with him and I said “hahah, yes” cause I thought it was a goddamn joke, and then I proceeded to feel so much anxiety about it leading up to it because I was convinced he didn’t actually want us there. The boss also said that she would go. So come Thursday, the boss actually went to the show with him and I... Went to trivia with my friends out in Burlington, a half hour past where I live, which is already a half hour outside the city. So I was a solid hour away from Milwaukee, four Landsharks deep with my friends, rocking our nearly perfect trivia game, when he texts me. Are you seriously not coming? The weight of guilt hit me so hard in that moment. He wanted me there and I stood him up.

I felt like shit. I also kind of just regretted not going. It has been so long since I’ve done something outside of my comfort zone (anxiety, depression, that sort of thing) that I hated that I couldn’t bring myself to go. So at work on Friday, he gave me so much shit about it, but I kind of just let it go. I felt better. My anxiety was easing up. I had nothing to worry about, and then he said to me just as he was heading out the door Friday afternoon You should seriously come tomorrow night. I brushed it off. Yeah, Maybe. I’ll text you tomorrow?

Full disclosure: I wasn’t going to go. Again, I’m still not convinced that he wanted me there. Sure, the boss went on Thursday and had a great time, but how much fun could that have been for him? Partying with his boss? And the next day the boss comes in chatting about the clouds of smoke hanging low over the crowd. Sweet, sweet innocent boss. And I’m sure I can hang just as well as the officemate. Well, maybe not as well, but I can hang! I’m cool! I’m hip! I can do the drugs! (Convinced?)

Saturday Afternoon

Saturday my sisters and I took the dogs to the dog park in the morning. It was finally a day that hinted at spring. Afterwards, Sam and I ran to Target and then we had to hit up my cousin’s daughter’s first birthday party.

Here’s where I had a Come-to-Jesus moment with one of my cousin’s. She 31, has three kids, and really did a good job at embracing “life.” Despite having her first kid at 21, and then subsequently going through a series of pregnancies and miscarriages, before having her son, and then later another daughter, my cousin has lived a life. She, too, is major into following around a jam band across the country. Not as much as she used to being a 31 yr-old mother of three, but her three kids have each been to more Phish concerts in their short 10, 6, and 3 years on this earth than I have been to any concert ever. But she’s getting older and tired. So Saturday we were sitting and chatting.

“You look tired, did you go out last night?” No, I’m just tired. “What are you plans for tonight?” Nothing, probably just going to take a nap. “You used to have so much fun. What happened?” (Editor’s Note: The first and best people I ever get in trouble with are my cousins. They were the first people I got stoned with. The first people I go drunk with. The first people I’ve ever pursued guys in bars with. But all of that was a long time ago. I first smoked weed with them at 12. Drunk at 13. We’d troll “Up North” Bars when I was 14/15/16. But now I’m 24.) I’m getting old Heather. “Shut up. You are not old. Wanna see Beauty and the Beast with me and the kids tonight?” Maybe. I’m not sure. “I just can’t believe that you have no plans whatsoever. Nothing.” Well, the guy I work with offhandedly invited me to UM tonight. “Oh. You. Are. Going.”

And so I went.

Umphrey’s McGee and My Life

I was late, not shockingly. I met his friends. It was uncomfortable. I pounded two beers and did three shots of whiskey in, oh, I don’t know. Fifteen minutes? That’s the thing about my anxiety. When I’m anxious in social situations with alcohol, I immediately start throwing them back like your drunk uncle at Christmas that no one wants to be there but no one has the heart to un-invite. That’s how I got so goddamn trashed at the Packer party. I was really anxious so I just started drinking because I didn’t know what else to do.

I didn’t really talk to anyone. His one friend made polite small talk with me, but that was about it. And then he leaned over to me, before the show started, and said, “You wanna go on that Vision Quest tonight?” To my SHOCK AND HORROR, I said, “I mean, what do you have in mind?” What I should have said was no. But don’t worry guys, this isn’t a post about my first lsd experience! He said, “Hah, yeah, not tonight. It’s too late. Some other time though.” And then, just about as the house lights go down he leans in close to my ear and whisper/shouted (remember, voices travel weird at concerts) “Can I ask you a weird question?” Yeah, what? “Have you, ever, in your life, been high?” I didn’t give a standard yes or no, because that’s not what I do. I said, What kind of question is that? “When was the last time?” Not since October, I don’t smoke like I used to. “Alright, then be careful with this shit.” And he hands me a goddamn vape pen. Here’s the thing I know about me and vaping instead of traditional smoking. I get always get too high, too fast. It’s too easy for me to inhale and too hard for me to judge how much I’m taking in. I know this about myself. But I never seem to learn from past experiences. SO OF COURSE I take a really solid drag. OF COURSE. Always. EVERY TIME. I know better. Then I enjoy the show. And a joint comes my way, and I take a good drag, because I’m better at smoking joints. And then the officemate hands me his whiskey and I take another pull from the flask. And then he refills my now empty beer cup with beer from his can. And then the joint comes back. And then an e-cig appears out of nowhere. And a pipe. So I’m smoking four different kinds of weed from four different sources, drinking whiskey and beer. And I’m having a goddamn great time.

At set break I vow to stop drinking and smoking. I do have to drive back to my bullshit suburb after all. But I get one Blue Moon to wash down everything else. And then the second set starts. And the vape pen comes back. And I say no, because I’m an adult and the officemate says “C’mon, we’ll figure something out about getting you home.” oof. I keep smoking. We polish off the whiskey. We share a bottle of water (thank god) and then we share a beer.

The show ends. I cannot drive home.

What to do. What to do.

I panicked. I was sobering up enough to know that I cannot drive home but I also have no other options. I don’t know what to do. I consider calling my sister, but she had decided conveniently to not go by her boyfriend’s that night. Her boyfriend lives five blocks from the theatre, that would have been ideal. Officemate offers to let me go back to his place. But it’s weird. We’re both weird about it. Neither of us want it to happen.

I’m still panicking. And apologizing. and panicking. and apologizing. We get a lyft back to his place. The whole fifteen minute ride to his side of town, I apologize profusely. We keep saying things that are hazy that both of us agree we will not repeat on Monday. I make him swear that we will not talk about this ever again. I do not want this to come up on Monday. I don’t want the boss to know that I spent the night at his place. He says I’m never gonna live it down. I tell him it sucks that I have to quit my job.

We get back to his place. It’s weird. We sit on his couch and he asks me what I want to watch. It’s Always Sunny is my chill out show. So we watch it for an hour. His roommate came back with some other guy and when they saw that I was there, they decided that both of them would crash at a different friend’s place to give us space? Mind you, the officemate is in a long term committed relationship with someone else. So now it’s weird. Even weirder. His roommate wants to get out of our way? What does he thinks gonna happen? Not to mention that they both have their own rooms. Nothing was going to happen that was going to bother anyone. But so they left.

We pass out. I woke up about three hours later, about 6:30. I peed. Grabbed my shoes. Snuck out. Got a lyft back to my car on the other side of town. Got no parking tickets and did not get towed (personal win bc I was definitely parked in a no parking after midnight zone). Haven’t heard from him all day. I’m glad.

Today

Some unique challenges of living with your parents is doing your walk of shame for the first time in front of them. Walking into the house at quarter after 7 in the morning, tired, reeking of weed and beer, blood shot eyes, unamused, while Mom and Dad are sitting at the kitchen table putting together their shopping list for the week while eating a well rounded breakfast. They smiled at me, asked me if I had fun. I shrugged. Then went to bed.

But honestly, can we talk about something cheesy and dramatic? I cannot stop smiling. My depression has been so ever-present lately that I did not realize I have been depressed. The signs have been there. People have pointed it out to me. But I’ve been ignoring them. But today, I have felt no anxiety, no exhaustion, no irritation. I’ve just been feeling so good about myself. Literally, I feel really good about The Future.

The officemate kept joking that this was going to be a life changing experience for me, and while I don’t think it’s wholly life changing, I do think it’s exactly what I needed. I needed to get pushed outside of my comfort zone. And for once, I don’t dread going to work tomorrow. I’m not nervous about facing the officemate. I snuck out without anyone noticing. I just disappeared. And I’m excited at the prospect of us hanging out again in a similar setting. I like stoned/drunk Officemate. He’s a different person but I like that person a lot.

#my post disney life #my life #my weekend #for posterity #to be remembered #concerts #life #tw: drugs?#am i doing that right?#i dont use tumblr anymore #ooh #drugs #i'm cool #i forgot

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