#I can't get it to focus on her

[thyandrawrites]

Me: I love them a normal amount

Also me: spends one hour trying to turn a boring class A official art into a todosiblings sketch with my poor drawing skills

#Don't look at it too closely it's still very much a mess #Maybe if I can finalize some of these shapes I can try to clean this up and use it as my next header #It's hard bc the perspective is tricky and I'm shit at anatomy #Some of those limbs aren't visible in the original artwork I'm using as a reference #And if you look at this closely you can definitely tell lmao #Also has fuyumi ever worn heels?? I gotta check the hospital chapters again bc I don't remember #Thyandra.txt #My poor girl was done dirty by the lighting in my room #I can't get it to focus on her #Maybe I used lighter pencil strikes for her #Redid her half a dozen times #That's why #You'll never guess which character dabi was originally #It took me SO LONG to figure out that hunched pose... #My back hurts in sympathetic pain

[bonefall]

maybe with the ending.. make it be like the link between Breezepelt's leaving to join Kin and his POV in AVOS? of course from Nightcloud's perspective but

like. she would be injured and recovering away from the clan. but they would be unaware that she is alive and like in canon assume she died and hold her a vigil. Breezepelt, who is already at low point, taking it very badly - yes he was pushing her away bc he was hurt and angry and started taking it out on her, but.. it's still his mom. his Mi. and she is dead? or is this stupid clan just going to believe this to make it easier? are they really giving up on looking for her, or her body??

i can see Nightcloud being the one of very few, if not THE Only one, things that kept Breezepelt in WindClan at this point. and without her, what's the point? it's not like anyone else likes him. the link is gone and they buried it in a bodyless vigil. so it's what pushes him to actuall take the step and leave.

not sure how well it would align with the timeline and events. and how soon Darktail was assembling cats from other clans like Breeze. but i think it would be interesting and heartbreaking if at the end of her SE, Nightcloud just arrived back to WindClan and asks where Breezepelt is and someone tells her.. he either was missing since this morning or just left the clan earlier the same day. like, just have them miss each other by a hair.

I'm thinking that the second-to-last chapter is her with Pickle, having a bit of a sabbatical to unpack everything that happens through the story. Mostly because I want to throw her into some kind of pretty garden as a nice setting for this lmaoo

A LOT of BB stuff is being added to Nightcloud's Pannage that wasn't in the main series; Hillrunner's abuse, her mentor Addersong, several expanded little background characters now complete with their own side conflicts. I think what I can bind all these things with is Nightcloud considering what a Clan means.

Because of her new reputation, I'm noticing I'm writing scenes where she's intentionally doing and saying things to try and sway them. While also grappling with her resentment towards them, and things she can't change.

There's a bit of a melancholy air so far, so I'm starting to feel like the best ending is just having a bit of space to herself to think. Ultimately, she decides that it's more than Breezepelt or Crowfeather that binds her to WindClan. It's the life and connections she COULD have.

WindClan cats are also quite religious next to other Clans, so I really do mean "sabbatical." I'm going to have Addersong die of old age shortly after they reconnect, so she's in Pickle's Garden talking to her new friend, choosing cats she's lost to pray to as patron spirits to give her the traits she feels she needs, and just recovering both physically from injury and spiritually from turmoil.

So all that to say; it works well that by the time she gets back, Breezepelt has joined The Kin. He was one of the first to join when he started calling for members anyway, so having Night be gone for about two or three weeks sounds appropriate.

#I'm still working out WHAT the injury was though #I just know for sure that Night was in some DEEP trouble. Possibly being attacked by a fox or dog #And she can't tell for sure if it was gratitude or hunger or the brief influence of StarClan shining through the sow's eyes #But Marge does an RKO OUTTA NOWHERE and kills what was attacking her #Before scuttling off with her three surviving humbugs into the mist #And when Nightcloud wakes up she's at The Pickle Jar #Too injured to travel and kinda understand she needs the time to unpack some stuff anyway #Wanting to get home desperately ofc to stand by Breeze #But also... StarClan has probably placed her here. Away from the Clan. For a reason. #Especially with Pickle in particular since she's grappling with how her reactionary xenophobia has affected people through her life #I have a LOT of little ideas for NcP #Which I'll need to trim and focus I think #As-is I think it's meandering BUT it's good to get EVERYTHING down in a first draft #Better bones au #I actually have a crowf ref finished and planned to post that with a summary lmaooooooo #Sorry Crow. I like ur wife too much #Nightcloud's Pannage

[helluvapurf]

So uh, I kiiiinda forgot I had a HB-themed blog in the midst of me feeling the itch for HB redesigns... figured I'd might as well fix that with this recent Stolas family piece I did not too long ago-

(Now, as mentioned before on my DA post, I honestly have nothing against either Stolas, Octavia, nor Stella's canon designs.... Iiii just feel like as high-ranking demon birds, a lil "variety" tweaked in could lowkey go a long way the more I thought about it?)

Aaaand here, here's a quick lil rundown of what I had in mind for my own personal interpretations (AU, HC? Idk what exact term fits best but... *shrugs*):

DA Link~

For Stolas, I tried to tone down all the black & red from his previous design to a more "autumn sunset sky"-aesthetic (+ditched the big top hat 'cause like... you're a royal my dude, don't you just need a crown? lol), gave him a gradient starry cape instead of that old ripped one 'cause I always loved how the star cape looked on him from the "Ozzie's" episode, popped in some grey streaks in his hair, and then finally unified his outfit to a purple & black theme like a classic Disney villain~

For Octavia, I went with a classy "indigo night sky" vibe with lil gold accents, then shortened her hair to a fanned bob (kiiinda looking like bird wings, in a way?) along with adding some more "blended" features from her mom and dad just 'cause .3.

As for Stella... honestly I've fallen *way* too in love with the "Stella is a Swan" fan-theory ('cause yknow... she's all-white, black & pink beaked, elegant-looking but bitchy af in-person, etc.) that I couldn't resist incorporating more swan-y vibes to her design. Then I relaxed her big choppy hair to a more "refined" half-up/half-down style (+some extra feather tufts to still fit with her peacock bro Andrealphus), gave her more of a mermaid-shaped dress to fit her regal noble-lady vibe, then I simply left it a gradient pink/black in terms of colors 'cause... idk, it just reminded me alot of fancy Chanel-aesthetics~

#helluva boss #helluva boss stolas #helluva boss octavia #helluva boss stella #stolas goetia #stella goetia #octavia goetia #helluva boss art #helluva boss redesign #(kinda?) helluva boss critical #(*not rly tbh 'cause I -do- still enjoy the show... Iiiii just kinda can't help but feel a lil 'eh' at the writing lately?*) #(*like there's sooo so much potential in exploring a family of entitled & complex bird people...*) #(*-buuut idk how likely we'd get much of that with all the stolas focus lately? ^^;*) #(*nothing against the guy but still... I wanna see more of via & her story :c girl deserves better*)

[spaceratprodigy]

WIP Wednesday ✏

Thank you for the tags at various points @captastra @darkfire1177 @hibernationsuit @the-lastcall 💖💕

Besties I have not been very productive lately lemme tell ya. I am very tired and have been a bit busy so I've been slackin' workin' on my wips. But that's okay.

Most of y'all have already seen the Faith and Max wip but it's rly cute so I'm gonna show it off again anyway :]

I also have a couple of oc x oc illustrations in the works for the color palette prompts y'all sent me but I don't wanna show those off yet!! I want them to be a surprise 🖤

open tag to anyone who wants to jump in!

#other than that uhhhh I've been developing ceciliana more when I can and preparing for when I finally start drawing her! #I am admittedly just very sleep deprived so trying to get done anything I want/need to has been sloooooowww bc I can't focus #also this month has just been so hectic I'm so tired #anyway now I'm gonna stare at my canvas while listening to take me to church and think abt finishing my drawing instead of actually doing it #<3 #my art #faith and max

[aetheternity]

"Venti stans are low key annoying complaining about Venti not being the main focus of the Windblume festival."

First off we do not care. Second off ok???? Literally every character stan complains about their fave not getting enough screen time hop off.

It isn't even about screen time for me. It's about the fact that Venti hasn't truly felt like Venti in several updates. The last time he truly felt like himself was during Weinlesefest but even then he still didn't feel like the Venti we met all the way back during the first archon quest. And I don't wanna hear "hE hAd cHaRaCtEr dEvLoPmEnT." Cause no that isn't what happened, he regressed as a character. He's becoming fanon Venti in game. He gets used for alcohol jokes and Paimon calls him lazy then he dips. 🙄

"He was just in the Lantern Rite.." Shut Up. Shut Up. Shut all the fucking way up! He was terrible in LR and honestly if you cut Venti out of LR you basically have the same event. He did literally nothing of substance and he shouldn't have been there at all.

The first Windblume festival centered around Venti and showed us more of Venti being Mondstadt's archon. The second Windblume festival has barely anything to do with him. Excuse us if we're fucking disappointed, we have every right to be. Like I said literally every character's stans complain about them not getting enough screen time. Yeah sure if every Mondstadt event centered Venti it'd get old but the biggest problem is they decided to center a MONDSTADT EVENT around fucking SUMERU CHARACTERS. Fucking Collei gets more screen time than any Mondstadt character. Which wouldn't be a problem but this is a main Mondstadt event. Even though Venti was in LR 3 he wasn't a main focus he was a background character to the rest of the cast. Which is what Collei should've been cut out Tighnari and Cyno.

Mondstadt has so many underutilized characters and their screen time got spliced for the Sumeru fuckers who already have too much screen time. The entire last five updates have had Cyno in almost everything and Tighnari as well and while Collei has less screen time than them she has yet to be under used. If this was about Collei meeting up with Amber again they could've had that in a different event. If this was about Collei facing her anxiety it could've happened in a different event. They should've just had Sucrose helping Mondstadters cause guess what? You think this is going to be the last time a nation's event gets characters bombarding in? Hell no Fontaine is coming soon we're one hundred percent going to get nation festivals with random characters that have nothing to do with anything probably until the end of the game.

We'll see how happy ya'll are when your fave gets less screen time for some randos that have nothing to do with the nation you care about.

#venti #windblume breath #windblume festival 3.5 #tw vent #idc if this sounds entitled #like what're you going to do about that #like we literally just got Mika introduced and he has less screen time than the sumeru cast so far #we have fucking Noelle and oh shocker I didn't see my baby Diona anywhere looks like they forgot about her again! #this is a main Mondstadt event you can't slap the title Windblume festival on it then have it mostly center randos from other nations #even if Venti wasn't the focus Collei should've had less screen time #She has plenty of time to get over her damn anxiety in another event this shouldn't have been so about her #genshin impact #come at me fuckers #i said what i said #i said what needed to be said #And I'm not taking it back #And yes I am saying all of this while having enjoyed Cyno's appearance but I am still disappointed and I have the right to that

[airyairyaucontraire]

I have baked two 9x13 carrot cakes which I shall ice tomorrow morning, and I have begun the process of dry-brining three chickens which I shall roast with lemons and thyme tomorrow afternoon (yes it would be better with more brining time but some time is better than none). My mother's 70th birthday lunch is the day after tomorrow.

#it's starting to get to me that she is 70 #based on her mother she's probably going to live into her 90s #I just can't see how I am going to handle her getting really old #let alone her dying #I've never got to be a real independent adult apart from a few years when I was teaching (and we saw how that ended up) #(nervous breakdown) #when she was my age she had two children a career and was a homeowner #but I can't do anything about that so I believe I'll focus on these cakes and chickens

[best-enemies]

I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]

Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)

Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]

(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)

LIKE!!!!!!!

Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.

#csi #gsr #i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything #need to talk more about these two here #because im obsessed about them in a Normal way #sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together #i would not though #i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far #also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what #i could talk about her forever she's everything to me #and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever #i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them #and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line #nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it #but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know #but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life #you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too #he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it #and his smirks #AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA #im losing my mind #i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ #ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic #one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone #or this persons' lifestyle #he's always trying to understand them and not judge them #like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people #and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much #like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara #they're a perfect match for me

[iknownparadoxi]

You know normally I'd be all over shipping, especially the protagonist of these games, Red and Blue? Good for them. Lyra/Silver? Classic. White and/or Black with N? That was an era let me tell you. Selene or Moon/Lillie? My god man I still ship those two.

But now I've reached my limit, I cannot ship these two new protagonists in pokemon scarlet and violet, they are baby, they're Small Childs. I'm not nearly done with the game so maybe I'll be convinced later on but for now I cannot ship these two with anyone.

HOWEVER! Juliana? Total baby gay, tiny lesbian who is absolutely experiencing her first crush, among many since there are so many cute character in SV. Even if she might not realize it. Nemona is a Very Cool Older Girl no way do they not have a crush on her.

I need to spread this headcanon while the pokemon tag is at its high point.

#pokemon scarlet and violet #juliana #pokemon sv protagonist #florian #pokemon #gay gay homosexual gay #Florian didn't get much of a focus here poor boy. he's baby. Juliana totally kicisk more ass though #nemona #penny too honestly #can't wait to find out what her deal is #unrelated but why is Clavell so hot #he's absolutely my type #i bet he's gonna get shipped with the mom #clavell #this was rambly #pokemon sv

[corfisers]

i really need to finish this one day

#one of my fave ideas but i keep getting stuck or starting over. third time's the charm hopefully #anyways. posting it as an excuse to rant because i'm losing my mind over this rn for no reason #incoherent but i just need to Talk or my brain won't shut up #you ever think about how fucked up it is that aoi feels guilty over what happened. i do. i think about her a lot #he can't even look at me. we aren't even blood related but he still had to go to jail because of me. i still love him #in reality none of it is her fault. it shouldn't be about doumeki in the first place. baby girl you were 15 when it happened. #you can say that yashiro is cruel in his dismissiveness (on the surface) of doumeki's trauma but you can see where he's coming from #you got a glimpse of what your sister was going through? of what i went through? and now you're sooo guilty over it? and who does it help? #doumeki's so focused on his own feelings that he ignored aoi when they were living together. “saves” her by pure chance #proceeds to focus on his guilt and ignore her again. if yashiro didn't get involved she'd be sitting in the rain for god knows how long #yet she still loves and to some degree idolizes him #yashiro and aoi both saying that doumeki isn't the type of person to be a yakuza too. doumeki's good doumeki's better than that #and then ch 24 happens. where yashiro says that he's going to throw up and doumeki's response is “i probably won't stop even if you do” #“guess i am like my father after all” and yashiro still goes “you're not. you're pure and im the problem” #(touches doumeki's face. rare gentle gesture. he's gentle afterwards too before leaving. man.) #he's not cruel enough to repeat what he said in the earlier conversation and he doesn't actually believe it anyway #but i wish yashiro was cruel there. it shouldn't have been about doumeki and his feelings. again. #something about yashiro throwing a knife at another person and it flying back at him huh #for all the talk about how doumeki supposedly romanticizes yashiro it really is the other way around. always has been #which is a whole other conversation but yeah. everything about aoi and yashiro in relation to doumeki makes me so fucking sad #but this is also what i mean when i say that aoi doesn't haunt the narrative per se but still has this weird presence? #she's in the parallels. she's in the brief but important mentions. she's in the “your sister was lucky she had you”. #wips tag

[madhushala]

everyone prioritizes their family and that means even extended chacha ke chacha fufa ke tau etc and i can't even prioritize my sagi one i hate myself

#and its not that they're bad or anything #but im such a people pleaser i feel validation from strangers is more important than family #its because maybe ive watched them too closely and nothing about them fascinates me anymore i know the pattern #and my fun is meeting new people cracking the code #but still #i hate that people will cut your calls leave your message unread kyunki aaj poora din bua mausi aaye the #wish i was that focused on my relatives #ill literally text call anyone even in a middle of a fucking apocalypse #idk yall should tell me if im doing something wrong do yall keep your phones away and forget to text your friends #but i can't focus one thing for too long i cannot physically see messages decking up and not reply #i hate this #do people simply not check. there phone as often or am i an addict #or have i still not learnt to be in the moment #and tomorrow night i leave for home and my friends have planned a meet up #now frn 1 comes to home for one month in her holidays so giving one day or even two days to friends doesn't matter #frn 2 lives in hometown so there's no problem but mind you if she comes she has to leave in 2 minutes because her mom calls every five #minutes just to get her back to home for nothing #frn 3 comes home same as me aka 4-5 days so giving 1 day to friends is parents saying tumhe hamse matlab nahi hai tyohaar mei bhi har baar #milne jaana hota hai #etc #but im home past 4 days ivd literally done nothing papa bhai se utni hi baat hui jitni phone par ho jaati hai #haan for mummy i spent time with her #but most of the time i was on tumblr or scrolling insta to kya hi matlab hua mere ghar aane ka #that means unhe bas meri physical presence chahiye #na ghar par bua aayi na mama na koi #lekin ab kal mujhe jaana hai to kal mama aa jaayenge #why are things this way

[goldkirk]

as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and (tw for murder/crime/killings) the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd

#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd #also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th #breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to #so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart #and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves #i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this #i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things #so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday #i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers #but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care? #people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better #if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war #anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter] #personal #add to journal #words n rhythm #WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS #cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao #i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes. #anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i #and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would #objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else. #this is a gift i give myself now. #this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do #trauma evolution #mosswrites

[mcmoddity]

The 10th of October marks my babygal Kari's birthday! It's been three years since her tabletop rpg campaign started, and what a journey she's gone through, both in-game and in her online iterations.

Well deserving of a whole chocolate cake to herself, honestly

#McDoodles #kari #five seconds more and she would've inhaled that entire thing in one schlorp #candle and all #anyway I can't wait until I get enough time to focus on her askblog again #life's been hectic and insanely busy these past months but we truckin' we holdin' on #one day I'll manage more than just quick doodles again

[amaraudermind]

Shazam: Fury of the Gods is obviously about Billy and his journey as a hero and he's the main character or whatever but more importantly the movie is 100% centered around Freddy.

It's about Freddy's self-worth and struggles with being a hero and with how Billy acts about the hero thing(because neither of them understand the underlying reasons that they make the decisions they do) and it's about how unbelievably strong Freddy is and how he doesn't think he is strong even while he is doing things no one else can.

Freddy is constantly doing things that should not be possible for a person to do and he does them anyway but he doesn't think it's enough. It's not fixing everything so it's not enough and all he can focus on is what he can't do.

Even the final act which is very very centered on Billy is about how Freddy can't do anything about this whole situation. Where he is actively pulling off incredible feats but he isn't saving anyone so what good is this.

In conclusion: I am very normal about this movie

#shazam spoilers #shazam: fury of the gods #billy batson #freddy freeman #just freddy is the sole reason that anthea is on their side but he doesn't have his powers so who cares. #freddy can fight kalypso's chaos magic--truly FIGHT it--but he's just kid playing hero to pretend he's not broken to himself. #he powers through the paralyzing fesr effect of atlas' dragon but that hasn't saved the day so it doesn't matter. #time and again the movie shows you. over and over and over. freddy is so fucking powerful. but he can't see it. #he can only see where he fails. it's his fault they're in this mess because he let's himself get captured. #it's his fault ann lost her powers because she was trying to protect him. it's his fault billy dies because he couldn't save him #all he sees are failures. but all he talks about as 'captain everypower' is his success. because as a hero he can focus on the wins #he can feel powerful because he has powers. as soon as he loses them he feels like none of what he can do matters. #he doesn't have powers. so what's the point. #hhhhh i love him so much so so so much #this is such a good movie and everyone should see it

[carefulfears]

Explain what you said on Twitter

assuming that you're talking about when i said that imo the conversations around "scully, you're making this personal" aren't aligned with the intent/impact of the scene (actually i think what i said was that the scene is very serious but y'all never talk about what's serious about it so you loop back around to being unserious) and tbh i can do a post on my own feelings about the scene sometime when i'm feeling more with it if y'all want but i just meant that people bitch about that line every single day talking about how it's hypocritical and how infuriating it is and how much you hate mulder in s6 etc etc but i literally never see anyone even think about like...the actual meaning of the scene and implications of the line and the context and where they're each coming from. it's all just a very shallow and reactionary discussion in my experience

(i ended up talking more in the tags lol i never shut up in the tags)

#interesting to watch byers' reaction in that scene tbh. considering he's the one who said he 'always wondered' why mulder and diana split up #he very much has a look of 'don't go there' when scully keeps pushing it #as pointed out in randomfoggytiger's analysis of the scene which is linked on their page #this obv isn't shade to anyone who's talked about the scene lol #asks #scully LOATHESSS diana lol and has literally every reason and more #i just think the convos around that scene are missing the biggest emotional aspect (scully's violation in relation to diana's participation #to like.....focus on a totally different angle and blow it up #when i say that the scene IS very serious but never in the way discussed #i mean that it's very much about scully begging to be heard and kind of quietly betraying how much her own exploitation impacts her #how much it IS personal #and it's also kind of a last ditch effort to try to get the person she loves out of this abusive/manipulative situation using evidence #and he IS listening to her (he goes from there to check diana's apartment and tells diana he has doubts about her. which he didnt before) #but she doesn't know that bc she just hears 'scully you're reaching' 'scully you're making this personal' #my interpretation of the line is that he's talking about her criticism of diana. which we know she's been vocal about from her #'you KNOW what i think THAT woman is' in the previous episode #i think he's taking it as input on HIS personal life and what he does with HIS relationships and HIS ex (wife) (lol) #but what makes the scene serious and kind of haunting is that that actually is not what she's talking about at all #she's talking about the chip in her neck. she's talking about her dead daughter. her dead sister. HIS dead sister. the dead MUFON women. #all things that she KNOWS diana is involved with. but she can't MAKE him see that or believe her #(even though he does take in her input moving forward) #they're just not on the same page for once and they're not talking about the same thing #like it's a very deep and very very difficult conversation because it's so convoluted in abuse and power structures and trauma #but my main thought on it is that like...i never see anyone think about the implications or even the aspect of scully's personal history #all anyone ever says all the time is like omg of course it's personal to her i hate him for this men are so stupid #NO ONE EVER EVEN REMEMBERS WHAT THE SCENE WAS ABOUT #and ofc people are allowed their jokes and not every post on every scene is gonna go into how people think about it or how they interpret i #it's just always a very shallow conversation surrounding a very important scene which bothers me! that's all

[rapha-reads]

Am I supposed to take advantage of the night to keep working on my thesis, of which I've barely completed 1/9th (discounting research, abstract, introduction, structure and bibliography)? Yes. Am I instead reading my second novel of the day? Yes. Should I go to bed instead because it's 4am? Yes.

Earlier today I read This is How You Lose the Time War, that I had been meaning to check ever since it was published, and it was gorgeous. Really beautiful, the letters, the descriptions of the multiple universes, times and planets visited, the ways Red and Blue work, the emotions... Pure joy.

Right now I'm reading The Long Way to a Small, Angry Planet, and it is fascinating. I love a good scifi book, especially a scifi book that really takes into consideration the vastness of space and how varied other species and planets could be. Also punching holes through subspace sounds like a pure adrenaline trip and I'm deeply interested and captivated.

Anyway. Thesis is not progressing, deadline is getting closer. I should stop reading and start writing at some point. Meh. Stress levels are still not optimal. Stars aren't aligned. Need more adrenaline.

#rapha talks #rapha reads #books #book recs #literature #sf literature #scifi #this is how you lose the time war #the long way to a small angry planet #i know i'm the one who came up with my thesis subject. i know i'm the one who choose to go back and get another master's degree. #but still. why the hell did i do that. this thesis is killing me. #or maybe not the thesis itself but the stress of writing it coupled with the intense family drama i have to deal with at the same time #adding to that the fact that i don't have a job lined up next yet + won't have a flat after the 31st and need to get my stuff back #... i can't focus at the same time on my thesis my dad going through it my mom and her dumbass decisions and my future situation #it's just too much. so instead i read. reading has never failed me. reading is the most faithful companion of my existence #if i couldn't read anymore i don't know what or who i'd be #i need somebody to find me a flat and a job and someone else to deal with my parents while i finish this thesis #sadly no one is jumping on the tasks and i'm left with too much noise in my head

[extra-somethin-somethin]

hey so do you think wtv keiko had to deal with growing up with yusuke could be considered a type of parentification

#god chapters where barely anything happens except a character's realization about things can be hard ... #im writing another keiko pov chapter and it's hard because well!! #keiko was never really a main focus in the series and as time goes on she gets even less of a focus so i have to fill in these spots #in her personality and views that aren't really explored. im taking a lot of liberties lets say #and idek if it's gonna read as in character cos of that #anyway im tryna say that like. pre series keiko was basically this presence in yusuke's life and he saw her as a pain but he cared #she was there to scold him and cajole him into going to his classes and she was his only friend #now we know atsuko was negligent and idk how involved the yukimuras were in his life but i feel like keiko #whether directly or indirectly was given this duty like you have to keep him outta trouble #you're smart you're mature he needs someone like you. this responsibility just kind of put on her before she can understand the weight of i #and she can't really comprehend that weight until it's abruptly taken from her. yusuke dies and there's no one to shepherd #i feel like keiko should get to be mad about this. this realization of the nature of their dynamic. keiko planning things around yusuke #who's never done that in his life. not because he's purposely being thoughtless but bc he was never the one to have to plan #to think about what their future looks like. he just kinda drifted along and keiko tried to do damage control. it wasn't fair #yusuke is keeping secrets from her she is scared of high school and that he'll die again without her knowing why and it's unfair #so she should get to be mad also because girls getting to be mad is one of my favorite things 👍🏼 #the realization that yusuke won't be lost without her so she shouldn't hinge her life on the expectation that he will be #she worries about yusuke a lot i think. especially after he comes back from the dead. and i think kuwa's presence would help ease that #dread in her heart. it doesn't have to be just me. there's someone who can be there with him always and it doesn't have to be me #the guilty relief of not having to be the sacrifice. but kuwa doesn't mind so maybe it's okay this way #idk just rambles about my fic while i puzzle out how to word it #character analysis #yukimura keiko #yu yu hakusho