#I feel like. my art looks like a 17yos | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

rainlover29 · 2 months

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It’s been quite a while, and a lot has changed.

My labels:

Asexual: no changes there

Aromantic: I’m 36yo now, and my only bout of romantic attraction was for less than a year for one person in a demirecipromantic way when I was 17yo & 18yo.

Aroace: I’m not sure how my aromanticism and asexuality interact, but I know they are both intimately connected to the next 2 things.

Agender: I was agenderfluidflux (used the label agenderflux) with librafem and libramasc as the fluctuating and fluid genders, but my gender up and died about 4 or 5 years ago. It feels like part of the foundation that goes with me being aroace.

Autistic: I was diagnosed in Feb ‘23. I started suspecting I might be earlier in ‘21 or ‘22. The diagnosis led to my acceptance that I was autistic very quickly because it explained so many things throughout my life. I couldn’t list them here, but it made so much sense. I have a better sense of self and self-acceptance paired with autistic pride. It seems to be intimately connected to (and the foundation of) my AAA status. I’m AAAA.

Transmasc: I know it sounds weird, but I get a certain euphoria from suits and cool bow ties and neckties. I want to look like that and feel like that. I’ve also been dysphoric about my chest and reproductive system for at least 5 years and at least 20 years respectively.

Phoebian: See above.

Selenian: Most people see me as a woman, so I have the experience of being treated like one.

Demibialterous: I figured out in ‘23 that the vast majority of what I thought was romantic attraction was actually alterous. It’s only a thing with friends, and it feels different for different genders. With non-masc people, it feels like an equal relationship, but it feels like power dynamics come into play with masc people.

Demipanplatonic: Must be acquaintances first.

Aqueerplatonic: I just don’t feel it.

Alloaesthetic: I’m not sure whether to call it pan or omni because I see beautiful works of art all over the place.

Atheist: no changes there. Guess I’m AAAAA, which describes pretty well how I feel a lot of the time.

To sum: I’m an autistic pi-oriented aroace agender person who wants a masc presentation and happens to be atheist and is seen by society as a woman I’m not.

As a note, my Bipolar Disorder diagnosis was dropped when I was diagnosed as autistic, and I was taken off lithium. My thoughts can still overwhelm me by being on too many tracks at once.

I love hyperfocus but hate autistic inertia.

#actually autistic #aroace #transmasc #agender

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alittlefrenchtree · 3 years

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Today is my third Call me by your Name anniversary.

I’ve probably told the story a million times, in parts or in its whole and in different places but it’s a story I love, so I’m going to tell it again, because I’m a rambling grand ma.

I used to be someone who didn’t like cinema. I love stories but I don’t like cinema, that’s what I was always saying. I couldn’t wrap my mind around how one could come to care about something that was 2 hour long. I had always needed hundreds of pages or dozens of episodes to start caring and to fall in love. Movies weren’t for me. Yet cinema lovers are everywhere and movies do tell stories. It was frustrating for me: certainly I was missing something extraordinary. But since I didn’t like movies, I never watched them (or rarely and often chosen by someone else) and I had been stuck in that vicious circle for quite a while, where I couldn’t have a chance to fall in love with movies.

But I can be persistent and sometimes I know I have to fight fire with fire so I took a cinema subscription card (or whatever it’s called in English) in April 2017. I’m not even kidding you, I was actually looking for *my* movie. That one I could answer without missing a bit to the question : ‘what’s your favorite movie?’

In the following months, I’ve seen a lot of things. There were good things but I still couldn’t quite understand why people could be so passionate about movies.

Come that Tuesday. It’s the 6th of March, 2018. It’s my movie day of the week. I’ve planned to see The Shape of Water and I’m excited about it. From what I’ve seen about it, it’s a movie that has the potential to be *my* movie. On my movie days, I usually stayed the whole afternoon in the theater. At that point, I’m still not sure what I’m going to see after The Shape of Water. When I leave the first screening room, I’m lowkey disappointed. TSoW was good but I didn’t fall in love with anything. When I’m about to choose the second movie, the one that is the closest to start in time is that movie with a lot of blue on the poster. I’m pretty sure there is a 17 years old in it and maybe a student (or is the 17yo the student?) and that’s about all I know.

Two hours later, watching snow fall on the large screen, I’m crossing fingers, silently begging and praying for that Oliver guy to show up. To walk down the stairs, to knock on that door, I don’t know. He just has to be there.

He’s not.

But I cared.

I still do.

I remember walking back home. The sun is coming down and I’m tweeting that, if you can only see one movie in theaters at the moment, you have to choose Call me by your name over The Shape of Water. I’m tweeting about the pain, about the loss, about my heart being broken but most of all about the softness. I swear I couldn’t shut up about the softness. I’m already positively sure that I’m going to see that movie again the next week. I’ve never done that before.

In the following months, I’ve watched this movie, read that book and listened to that soundtrack one too many times. I’ve soon realized that I was mourning a love story that wasn’t mine because I couldn’t listen to love song. Because I was bursting into tears at random time without reason. Sometimes I still do. I was melancholic all the time. Sometimes I still am. I’ve watched the summer of 2018 come and go with wet eyes and an heavy heart.

The mourning took me around six months. There is an album that will be forever linked to that time for me and that will remain one of my all times favorites. Any music from this artist is very dear to me.

I had to write Elio and Oliver back together so I could move on.

Three years later, I can still feel and see the snowball effects this story had on my life. It didn’t turn it upside down but it gave me a key to open so many doors I would have never even looked at before many years without it. I’ve grown more mature, more emphatic, more skilled, more sensible to art, to everything, more so many things thanks to this story. I finally learned how to understand movies. It’s amazing to feel yourself grow, to see your horizons expand and to know the starting point of all of this amazingness is this little story.

It didn’t turn my life upside down but it has touched and enriched so many aspects of it. So many things I’ve watched, listened, created, learned, visited, talked about over the past 3 years were thanks to CMBYN even if they weren’t linked to the story or the fandom itself.

But more than that, I feel like it changed something of me. Thinking about it while writing this post, I couldn’t decide if it feels more like it has shifted something in my brain/memory or in my DNA. Probably both. I’m pretty sure my brain will always process the memories of that summer as they are as much my own than Elio’s and Oliver’s. Every summer day has acquired a sense of nostalgia for me. I’m not sure if it will make sense for anyone else but, it really feels that way. This story is written somewhere in my DNA.

I would never be able to express how grateful I am for knowing I’ll have the most precious gift to cherish and protect forever. For knowing I’ll carry it with me for the rest of my life. Stories are my favorite everything in life. Three years ago, I have welcomed the most perfect one for me as a part of myself. I couldn’t feel more fulfilled.

💙💛

#call me by your name #cmbyn #happy 3rd anniversary to me :’)#🥳🥳🥳#about me

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caroll-in · 3 years

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Ask Game!

I have been tagged (forever ago, I'm so sorry you guys 🙈) by @inspiration-in-process and @drarryruinedme7 - thank you both so much! 🥰

1. why did you choose your url?

I kept with the theme a 17yo Karol set for her ancient digart and dA accounts, I curse that dash to this day tbh xD

2. sideblogs?

Hmm, it's tricky - I have one that was supposed to be my art portfolio that I haven't used in years, as well as some urls saved just in case... but let's face it, I'm too lazy to manage sideblogs, throwing all my interests and random shitposts into one bag is much more my style hahaha

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

exactly 9 years! 😱 I joined in June 2012

4. do you have a queue tag?

nope, it's either radio silence or spam of 3 to 9 reblogs in a row from me, there's no inbetween 🤸‍♀️

5. why did you start your blog?

I followed my friends who moved here from dA

6. why did you choose your icon?

I don't even remember where did I set it as an avatar first, but Kozimierz the goat chillin by the huge ass pile of macaroons is a MOOD and I got used to him so much I now have it set on all of my fandom accounts xD

7. why did you choose your header?

the one on browser simply matches my icon, the one on the app is a fanart I did years ago but am still super fond of

8. post with most notes?

this one! 🎉

9. how many mutuals do you have?

is there even a way to check that? not sure, but I love you all, babes! ;u;

10. how many followers do you have?

slowly approaching my 3k milestone and I'm still amazed AS FUCK that there's so many of you here!! 😱😱😱

11. how many people do you follow?

302

12. ever made a shitpost?

look, I joined Tumblr in 2012, of course I did 😬

13. how often do you use Tumblr each day?

I check the app daily (if I'm bored then a few times a day, if I'm busy - at least once), tho I no longer manage to scroll all the way to the point I saw last - I used to do that religiously back in my uni days!

14. did you ever have a fight/argument with another blog?

I try to avoid drama and don't reply to anon hate, but there were a couple of times that I got pissed on my friend's behalf and threw my opinions to the argument 😠

15. how do you feel about “you need to reblog this” posts?

if I want to reblog something, I'm gonna; if someone tells me to - I most likely won't just because 🤷

16. do you like tag games?

YES! And I'm always so giddy when I see someone tagged me! I'm so sorry that it takes me WEEKS to join in sometimes tho :')

17. do you like ask games?

yes, tho I'm more often the asking one than the one who starts the game - I used to never get any asks on those and I guess the fear it might happen again stuck with me even to this day 😬

18. which of your tumblr friends/mutuals do you think is famous?

I don't believe in "fandom famous", if that's what it means?

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

um 😳😳😳

tagging: @slytherco @cibeewastaken @babooshkart @pineau-noir @dragontamerdame @bluebutter-art - assuming you guys haven't done it already 🙈🙈🙈

#tag games #about karol

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bettsfic · 6 years

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Hey so like...how do u justify romanticising a minor/adult relationship bc as a minor it kinda makes me uncomfortable. You’re an amazing writer, I just don’t quite get why you chose the age gap

before i address your question directly, and i will, i want to point out a few things that confuse me about this ask.

first, the admission of being a minor with the implication you’ve read my work, and now outright interacting with me. i’ve written maybe half a dozen g- and t-rated fics, and none of them are particularly popular, which i’m guessing means you’ve read my explicit fics, which means you’ve clicked past Ao3′s polite “18+ only” warning. my apologies if this assumption is incorrect – maybe you really have only read my three or four gen/teen-rated fics. that just seems very unlikely to me because all of my more popular fics are mature and explicit.

now, while admitting you are a minor made uncomfortable by minor/adult relationships, you have directly approached me, a 29 year old woman, to ask me why i’ve made the choices i’ve made. granted, by going on anon, you’ve ensured that this is a public forum, but if you’d PM’d me, i wouldn’t have responded, because i am not here to interact with minors.

which brings me to my conclusion of this portion of the ask, which is: i am not writing for minors and i do not want to interact with minors. i can’t control what you read or don’t read and it’s absolutely not my responsibility to cater to you in any way, especially if you knowingly and voluntarily click past the 18+ warning. but i can control my personal interactions, and i urge you not to reach out to me again.

next i’m going to nitpick the word “romanticize” which is a word heavy in the current moral rhetoric. literally speaking, you are right. i am making an age gap romance romantic. rhetorically speaking, to “romanticize” something means to flatten or gloss over it, sweep potential consequences under the rug. to romanticize abuse, for example, is to make it beautiful, to ignore all the trauma and pain that comes along with it. (i think it is a worthy artistic endeavor to attempt to romanticize abuse in fiction, if for only the ability to highlight how fucked up abusive relationships can feel in the moment, but that’s a rant for another time).

since you haven’t read training wheels, i can tell you outright i am not romanticizing a minor/adult relationship. there are certainly unrealistic/porny moments, but i’m not shying away from the actual emotional consequences of being a 17yo* girl dating a 25yo man. i’m doing my best to depict this relationship the way these relationships are actually felt, because they do happen, and i have been in them. they can be very romantic, but that doesn’t mean i’m romanticizing them. though we’re not in his pov, bellamy is acutely aware of the greater context of their relationship. and clarke, who has no context, is doing her best to navigate the difficulty of her situation, semi-aware that it’s something that will be haunting her for a long, long time.

i am not beautifying the ugliness of their relationship; i am not fetishizing (another word i take issue with) the minor body. being in clarke’s pov means that bellamy is object of desire, and meanwhile we get, through clarke’s thoughts, the sometimes awkward and confusing realization of what it means to be wanted, loved, used, seen, broken, trespassed, and all the other things teenage girls sometimes have to navigate.

and i have one more thing to say before i answer your actual question: you are allowed to be uncomfortable reading fiction. in fact, i think you should be uncomfortable reading fiction. all art should make us uncomfortable, because in discomfort lies broader awareness. by consuming things which push at the boundaries of our narrow reality, we are capable of widening that reality, and that’s what it means to learn and grow and become the people we want to be. you cannot become a better, stronger, wiser person without facing and overcoming that which makes you uncomfortable.

i also resent a bit the implication that i, a fanfic writer, a queer woman, am beholden to appeasing your comfort when straight white male writers are not. i assume you’re not sending jroth letters about how murphy’s sex slavery arc in s3 made you uncomfortable. or that the entire premise of the show revolves around putting a hundred minors in a ship and dropping them onto a potentially lethal planet. or raven, a teenager, sleeping with bellamy, an adult, in s1. and that’s not even mentioning the violence perpetuated against minors in the show. they die! and they bleed! like, a lot!! charlotte, a 12yo girl, dies a gruesome death in s1. they are minors forced to kill or be killed in exceedingly violent ways, and you’re in my inbox asking why i’m writing a fic that depicts a loving and consensual relationship between a 17yo (clarke’s canonical age in s1) and a 25yo.

now i’ll answer your actual ask.

you use the word “justify” as if i had to do some kind of logistical puzzle to make this fic morally okay in my eyes. i can tell you now, i did not, because the story exists to navigate that logistical puzzle on its own. the conflict poses the question: is this okay? is this wrong? what about it is wrong? for what reasons is it wrong? and i also attempt (in a clunky way because it’s a bit rough, plot-wise) to navigate what “informed consent” really means to a 17yo who has no information to go off of. for me it’s an experiment in what consent really is. clarke wants bellamy, but she doesn’t have a full awareness of the consequences of that want, so is it truly consensual? what does bellamy have to do to fully inform her of those consequences? is it even his responsibility, or should clarke take more agency over her experiences? and lastly, the most interesting question of them all to me – what happens to the minors in consensual age gap relationships? how do they cope with that experience years later? in what ways does it change them?

though it’s not my responsibility to indulge my personal ties to this conflict in order to further “justify” it, i can assure you, i am writing this from clarke’s pov having been the younger party in many age gap relationships, at times a minor. at times coerced. at times completely uninformed. but each time, consensual. i sought out the men i dated. i took the lead. i propositioned them. and i consider: how has that affected me and the way i love now?

my mom at 20, married my dad, 32. my older sister at 16, met her (now ex) husband, her then-boss, at 23 (they waited until she was 18 to start dating). i dated an 18yo and then a 19yo when i was 14. a 21yo when i was 16. a 32yo when i was 19. a 47yo when i was 22. but i also had a long-term relationship with someone who was just three months younger than me. age gap is not the only way i know how to love, but it is certainly a way to love, and one i find, in lieu of seeking it out in reality, narratively compelling. so i write about those experiences in order to better understand them now that i’m older. in order to take them apart and piece them back together. in order to, in some cases, relive them, because i enjoyed so much about them.

i don’t pursue older men anymore because i no longer seek male validation. i don’t meet a handsome middle-aged man and need him to love me to feel like my existence in the world is warranted. but that doesn’t mitigate all the old habits and drive and potentially genetic disposition that led me to relentlessly pursuing them in the first place. so now i sublimate that into fiction and offer my experience and understanding to others who might be predisposed in the same way, or people who are not and curious about what that experience is like. and that’s what fiction does.

lastly, i’ve sort of saturated myself in age gap stories. i’ve watched every age gap movie i can get my hands on, read every book. i dive through google and ao3 looking for age gap recs, seeking out the one story or fic or movie that not only gets the relationship right, but figures out how to make it work. that’s all i want – a realistic, plausible solution to this very delicate and complicated kind of relationship. and i can’t find that story, so i’ve decided to write it myself.

training wheels is an uncomfortable story about a romantic minor/adult relationship and the realistic psychological consequences of it, both in the immediate present and long-term, and you are supposed to be made uncomfortable by it, regardless of your age. it makes romantic but does not romanticize age gap relationships. i do not take the morality of this story lightly, nor its meaning or intentions. whether i succeed in this is up to interpretation, and i can’t control that interpretation, but i can tell you with certainty what my intentions have been going into this story, and exactly why i’ve made the decisions i’ve made regarding it.

*the age of consent in ohio, where training wheels is set, is 16. i recognize the current rhetoric around this is “legality is not morality” or whatever, but again – the purpose of training wheels is in part to directly address this conflict

#training wheels #crybaby verse #discourse #tsatp #Anonymous

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ifsomeoneasksiwasnothere · 5 years

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hello~matchup? I am a 17yo pan cisfemale and INTJ, virgo. I have an icy exterior by start, but if you get to know me I am patient, soft, loyal and honest with you. I seem playful, fierce and insensitive to someone. I have a passion for martial arts, music, art, cooking and writing. I have chromesthesia & use it for my art. I like psychology, travelling, scary things and reading. I like someone honest, passionate, same interests, mentally strong, likes dark and crackheaded humour. tysm, luv 🤙

Heya~

I pair you with Bloody Painter or The Puppeteer

Bloody Painter

He’s usually serious and doesn’t talk much, and wouldn’t mind/be offended you being cold with him at first. Your first conversations may be you two retorting each other with cold short answers.

Even though he has his shy and quiet nature, he would try to catch your attention with little nice actions. Usually, he’s the type of person that talks little but does things like commending your art or giving you a drawing of you when you seem upset.

Helen would be easily interested in your art, not only because he loves painting and drawing but also because of how you use your chromesthesia in your art. Your interest in psychology would please him as well, he would like to talk to you about what he’s feeling when is upset as if you’re his psychologist.

The Puppeteer

The first time he talked to you and noticed you being cold, he would immediately be interested, but he will be very discreet and keep it to himself.

Only if you knew him for at least 1 month or more and asked him something like “Why do you talk to me?” or similar, he would answer with “Hmm…not sure… Perhaps I find you intriguing in some way”. He probably wouldn’t touch the subject again so soon and if you asked about it he will pretend that he doesn’t remember it.

Puppeteer loves art and especially music. Every time you start to do some of your art and he’s near, he will silently approach you from behind and stare at what you are doing. Most of the times you won’t notice him there, but if you do and ask him about it he’ll look at you very seriously and be like “What do you mean?” (If this happens while he has even a little crush on you, instead of being serious while asking that, he will be smiling with sarcasm). Pup also would really enjoy your dark humor, because he likes it as well. He’s also very interested in psychology and how humans behave or tend to.

After what happened with him and Emra, loyalty is crucial to any kind of relationship for him, friends, lover, etc. He likes music, a lot. So would like to listen to music with you and would write songs and poetry for you secretly.

You would be that only person besides Helen that he’d let call him by Jonathan, and he would internally melt every time you say it (basically because it has a huge meaning to him when a name that brings him so much pain can be so sweet and makes him feel loved when you say it).

Hope you liked it! It took me some effort, not gonna lie— sorry if there is any mistake in my writing, English is not my mother language.

#creepypasta matchups #creepypasta #the puppeteer

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noiseartists · 5 years

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Soviet X-Ray Record Club, Noise Pop from Brisbane, an interview

Formed in 2012, are a Brisbane based band who sound like an overdose of reverb influenced by post-punk & shoegaze. You can find a great biography written by the band at THIS LINK

Their musical work to date is:

Magnetic North, Single, August 2013

Good Things [I Only Think Of], Single, August 2014

Never Enough, Single, August 2014

W A K E, Album, May 2015

This Girl, Single, July 2016

Houses, Album, August 2017

Weekend , Single, March 2018

The current line-up is:

Steven Appleton - Vox / Guitar

Leith Jacobs - Drums

Shaun Paton - Keys / Backup Vox

Kurt Pitman - Bass

What is your music about?

Mostly the music is about the dynamics of relationships, whether internal dialogue or external interactions, gone wrong. These things tend include obsession, love, drugs, sex, living conditions and money. We tend to focus more on our live shows, so what you hear on the album is just an introduction to how it actually might sound in reality.

Tell us about the artists you have worked with.

We’ve been pretty fortunate to work with some great people over the last 6 years. I guess some of the highlights would have supporting The Chameleons (most recent tour) Generally, all the bands we play alongside of are really cool people in the same boat as us. They’re all really helpful people.

What are your goals as an artist artistically/commercially?

I think I’d be happy if I could continue creating the music I want to play and be able to fill moderately sized rooms with people who enjoy what I do. I think winning a Grammy is out of the question , but just to be able do it as a full-time job would be nice.

Who would you want as a dream producer, and why?

We actually contacted The Raveonettes’ management about Sune Rose possibly producing an EP for us - that would have been pretty interesting. I guess I just like the way he puts his sounds together and his lack of doing things traditionally. There needs to be more of this.

What are you trying to avoid as a band?

Boredom. When music stops being fun, that’s when it’s time to quit.

Explain your songwriting process.

It varies from song to song, but the most common approach is that usually I have a lyric appear that appeals to me at the time, I might come up with one verse and chorus, then I’ll just start throwing chords around on a piano to capture the vibe I’m after and get a solid foundation and structure laid down. Then I usually record a cruddy demo and throw as many ideas down while I’m still feeling excited about the song.

Usually a lot of the original recordings off the cuff stuff ends up in the final mix - as is. There’s something about the fresh feeling of how you play when the song is new that can’t be recaptured.

Then it’s just a matter of experimenting with the structure of the song and getting it to progress and resolve itself, but by this point the song has a life of its own and it’s just a matter of joining the dots.

In 2017 there is no new or old music to a 17 year old with internet access. Discuss.

Meh. They might have it all, but they’re missing out. Music is not just about how much of it you can consume or how big your playlist is. That’s like Tourists Vs Backpackers. Sure it’s easier to access, but that’s just the day trip - there’s so much more.

The discovery of music whether socially or personally is a process in itself. I grew up in the Nineties where mixtapes were a way of sharing music, socialising and making new friends. Paying a fortune for records because the artwork looked cool, but still listening to it all the way through (because you didn’t want to waste your money).

Going to a friends house and sitting in silence in their room to listen to the latest album on the day it was released, like it was a feature movie. Having whole albums that were soundtracks for your summer. Lining up for tickets for a concert, for hours, and meeting people in the line that all like the same band you do then partying with them afterwards. And if you weren’t there, you just had to hear about it from those that were - which was cool in itself. It created very unique special moments and memories that can’t be captured again. That 17yo can have the internet with all their playlists. It’s not for me.

Why do you make the music you make?

Because that’s what I’m into and how I feel at the time I write it. I used to try to sound like this and that when I was younger, but it didn’t feel true. In the end I just let my brain do whatever it wants to do and usually I’m happy with the results.

You can’t run from who you are, so why not put it to good use. A good side-effect of this is that the music changes over the years with you and what I do now, is completely different to what I was doing in my teens. And in turn you don’t end up painting yourself into a corner musically. I’ve seen it happen many times with wannabe fad bands trying to appease the trend and not themselves and their art.

Describe your palette of sound.

For this project: Noisey fuzz, beats + bass - sprinkled with some electro goodness.

Which of your releases are you the most proud of? Why?

Probably the Houses EP. I wrote and recorded and mixed most of it fairly easily at home. Most of the stuff on there is the original lines I’d recorded from the demos. I couldn’t recreate any of the sounds later on, so I just kept it the way it was. And the lyrical content, I feel, is some of the best I’ve produced in a while. I don’t usually go back and listen to stuff I’ve recorded or written very often without cringing and turning it off, but this one I like.

You are from Australia. What are the advantages of disadvantages?

Having limits, whether geographical or musically can be used to inspire new ideas and directions.

Kind of like. You have to know the rules to break the rules. Isn’t that what art is all about?

On the downside, if you find that your audience is in, say, Europe or South America and not Australia then getting over there, or anywhere in the world, because of our geographical isolation, is a fair bit of a hassle.

Find Soviet X-Ray Record Club here:

Facebook

Instagram

Twitter

Youtube

Spotify

iTunes

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irregardlessly-tish · 5 years

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Hi, I’m here today to vent about nothing importat, these are just a couple of things that annoy me a lot...

I’m pretty sure every time I see some ‘art help’ on my dash it’s exclusively for digital artists. I’m not one of them. I’ve given it a couple of tries over the years but it never feels like it’s the thing for me so I stick with traditional art which makes me feel good. I’m not an elitist, I don’t think traditional art is better than digital or vice versa but there comes to a point where it really pisses me off to see so many art tips and hacks that call themselves “art tips and hacks” and make me think that I’m going to learn something cool or that will help me but no because they aren’t general art tips and hacks, they are exclusively digital art tips and hacks but they never title it that way. They won’t help me draw on paper, they won’t useful when I want to paint with acrylics or watercolors, those coloring tips don’t help me at all with pencils. What first seems like a nice discovery I came across by chance kinda make me feel like the only valid form of art for people online is just digital art. Sure I can look for tutorial specific to my needs, I can check youtube videos on watercolors but I like surprises, you know? It’s cool to find a little help on something that wasn’t on your brain and maybe it would have never crossed your mind to look for.

Remember not so long ago when everyone was throwing around the word “fetus” to refer to themselves or someone else that was a couple years younger? I’m sure I made a post talking about how I hated it and how stupid I thought it was... Well, now they have grown a little and they use the word baby all the time. I still don’t like it, it makes me feel uncomfortable. “oh look at that baby :3 :3″ says a 17yo looking at a picture of their favourite youtuber taken the year before and I’m like no stephanie that’s a fucking grown ass man in his mid twenties that’s not a baby please stop that.

#;diary #just getting annoyed about stupid things

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lisjonok · 7 years

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Get To Know Me Meme

This was from Twitter but I also wanted to collect it all in one place such as...my blog.

So, here they all are! I was only expecting maybe three likes, not 22.

I really enjoy the Star Wars prequel trilogy despite its numerous flaws. First SW films I saw in theatres. And pod racing??! Yes.

I've broken up with several people online whom I had no idea I was dating. For some reason, they (men & women) were convinced I was.

Someone believed I was my 50+ hippie OC for a full year before finding out I was a 17yo art student and they weren't happy about it.

I love learning languages but I have a lot of trouble actually sticking to any long-term. My shyness on mics also holds me back w/ that.

I quietly headcanon nearly every character as (ethnic) Jewish and get overjoyed when I discover it's canon. (Mulder <3)

Altho I'm attracted to all genders, I find men exceptionally aesthetically pleasing but mostly I would love to look like one sometimes

I get anxious about going to loud places, movie theatres and concerts, because certain noises bring about an awful feeling in my chest & I almost had a panic attack in Chuck-E-Cheese's for it

I'm sex-averse but I love sexual imagery, both obvious and hidden; same for exploring that in my OCs. I hate sex in movies & TV, tho

I used to collect various dead insects and animal skeletons and kept them in a plexiglass box that my highschool friend made for me

I wasn't raised with the idea of gender. I also had male and female pronouns used w/ me in Russian because my nickname is masculine

I was never called "princess" or "angel" growing up, but, apart from usual Russian petnames for kids, my dad called me his Padawan

I quote this line from Starman (1984) at every. single. traffic light: "Red light stop, green light go, yellow light go very fast.”

When I'm overly anxious I go over Jedi or Vulcan teachings in my mind to ground myself

Even though I'm queer and non-binary, I really don't like a label defining me. I'm just Li

For a short while I told people my name was Fox bc I thought it was?? My nickname in Russian is "fox kit", & I translated to English

Text > Verbal communication for me. I get confused and overwhelmed too quickly when speaking. I'm too blunt in English, also

I had a brief and weird country-western/cowboy phase in 2008 and I like to pretend it never happened

I strongly believe that "squick" needs to come back into usage, especially with the wrong overuse of the word "trigger"

Contrary to some people thinking that my name "Li" is derived from Chinese, it's not. It's shortened from my Russian nickname "lisjonok", and I've also recently discovered it's a gender-neutral Hebrew name, meaning "to me"

I unironically love the weird salamander episode of Star Trek: Voyager

I cannot stand Jack Nicholson and he ruins every movie for me. Yes, even ones in which his character is considered memorable

I always wanted to be the prince in Disney films

#me #meme

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segadores-y-soldados · 7 years

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Omg yes that is fantastic. *also bangs hands on table* more jack and Lena content. Docs or art I don't care. I am planning on some in my r76 Big Bang fic. And thanks. Hardcore rt trash here. The red vs overwatch content makes me cry happily as canon rvb currently destroys me. But omg super large Reyes Morrison family give me more headcanons and stuff fandom

NICE, omg, dude, you should totally send me your fic when it goes up! I’ll give it a read!AND BRUH. SUPER HARDCORE RT TRASH HERE TOO. I just recently got @starsherit into RVB and I’ve been giggling “like a right mung” since she started. SO HYPED FOR SEASON 15, YES, MORE WAR CONSPIRACIES.And bruh, bruh - let’s see....So when you look at timelines and “the lore,” the first playable character recruited by OW after the Crisis was probably Mei. Now, I know Mei has quite the in-game reputation, but I really love picturing her with the old Strike team. I imagine she and Jack had really intense, passionate conversations about protecting the environment and restoring damaged regions of the world to their natural state - they’re both really intense about preserving the longevity of the planet’s natural resources at any cost. But also like... Gabriel taking Mei to visit San Francisco and Los Angeles for the first time, showing her some of the most famous American Chinatown neighborhoods, showing her some heritage Chinese villages here in California. Jack taking her to New York City and the UN Headquarters for the first time. Torbjorn showing her the Northern Lights in Sweden. Reinhardt walking her through the Black Forest as they birdwatch. Ana giving her a tour of Giza and Cairo and talking about the pyramids.And then Jesse. Oh BOY. I got a lotta headcanons about Jesse. I’m firmly in the camp of “Gabriel took in this semi-broken, orphaned 17yo to prevent him from spending the rest of his life in jail” as opposed to the “Gabriel blackmailed him into joining Blackwatch.” Gabriel has a soft spot in his heart for “problem cases” - when they return to Grand Mesa, Jack is frustrated that Gabriel “effectively adopted a child without consulting him first,” but he’s on board, he too would never turn down helping someone like Jesse. The two of them essentially teach Jesse the remaining high school topics that he missed out on, and then they get him to take the GED. Jesse is reluctant to be a part of OW at first, but everyone - Gabe and Jack, the Strike team, Fareeha, Torb’s niece Angela - they all make him feel so welcome and so at home, and even though Gabe and Jack tell him he can look for other jobs in the States or Mexico when he turns 18, Jesse knows the only place he wants to be is with his new family.Angela is a bit unique - she’s Torbjorn’s niece through his wife’s family, but since her parents died in the war, her father’s siblings have helped raise her. She’s a bit detached from OW in the beginning because she is determined to pursue med school. So she spends many years continuing her education before she ever formally joins OW, but by the time she does, everyone already loves and cares for her. They all barely understand half the jargon and terminology she uses, but they encourage her to talk about her projects and ideas. Surprisingly, Gabriel is the one to first get her to talk about her ideas for the Caduceus Staff - he loves the idea, not because “it’ll be a useful tool,” but because he KNOWS it will save lives, because he had to watch Jack struggle through healing them all with only biotic fields during the war.Post-Recall, the newest addition to the family is Sombra. In my headcanons, Sombra has a number of ideological and personality parallels with Soldier/Jack - she is very anti-corporation, very anti-corruption, very pro-“do-it-yourself”-justice. She has a mischievous, playful nature that reminds Reaper/Gabriel of Jack in a number of ways, right down to the “You don’t mind if I call you ‘Gabe,’ right?” line. And Gabriel knows he shouldn’t act fatherly towards her, because she is a grown woman with her own hopes and dreams and ambitions, but he feels protective of her - he’ll do anything to prevent her from losing that passion and hope the same way that Jack lost his. Her goals of bringing down corruption and unearthing the conspiracy align with his, and as they form an alliance they grow closer - Gabriel by rediscovering a lot of his own lost dreams, and Sombra by finding familial stability she has lacked so far.

#oh boy #this got outta hand #the reyes-morrison family #team talon #jesse mccree #sombra #gabriel reyes #jack morrison #reaper #soldier 76 #mei #zhou mei-ling #mercy #angela ziegler #thank you!#headcanons #silly stuff #saingirl101

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omgpoindexter · 7 years

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thank you to @dexydex for tagging me - i always have fun doing these!!

1. who are you named after? im at least 98% sure im not named after anyone in particular; my dad just liked my name and thought it was unusual (now as a 17yo i know seven other mias so….. not so unusual, but i still love it)

2. last time you cried? i watched night at the museum 3 about six hours ago and got emotional when larry daley said goodbye to all the exhibits for the last time. before that it was over the hamilton soundtrack. i am an emotional human

3. do you like your handwriting? my handwriting is fab and i love it a lot. sometimes i get mad that it has no personality because it basically looks like type but yanno,, there are worse things. my books always look neat!

4. what is your favourite lunch meat? i am a vegetarian so i am a) not well versed in the art of lunch meats and b) not very interested in eating any of them

5. do you have kids? sometimes it feels like i have kids. i do not have kids.

6. do you use sarcasm? i may have been dubbed the queen of sarcasm on more than one occasion.

7. do you still have your tonsils? i do. touch wood.

8. would you bungee jump? five hundred percent absolutely yes.

9. what’s your favourite kind of cereal? my cereal choices are not interesting. i am a cheerios, cornflakes or granola kinda gal

10. do you untie your shoes when you take them off? who has the time?

11. do you think you’re strong? “i could beat you in a fight” is my catchphrase. also im a 5'9" athlete so i hope so otherwise all of my efforts have been futile

12. what is your favourite ice cream? butterscotch. or, like, fudge, but not chocolate fudge. chocolate ice cream is Not Tasty

13. what is the first thing you notice about someone? their hair??? maybe??

14. football or baseball? football is boring and nobody in my country gives a flying flop about baseball

15. your favorite sorting metrics? a bloody mile, for example, “six bloody miles away”. am i doing this right

16. what color pants are you wearing? pink and blue tartan. i am in my pyjamas

17. favourite smell? i don’t have one really. maybe oranges

18. who was the last person you talked to on the phone? my grandfather. it was like a thirty second phone call, my life is wild

19. favourite sport to watch on tv? swimming because im a swimmer, but track is exciting to watch on tv

20. hair color? my hair is super blonde, y'all

21. eye color? blue

22. favourite food to eat? pizza all the way. also paneer masala.

23. scary or funny movies? FUNNY LOL DONT COME AT ME WITH UR HORRORS B YE

24. last movie you watched? night at the museum 3 when i cried, we have established this. in the cinema it was rogue one where i also cried. y'all ,

25. what color shirt are you wearing? it’s a white fleece shirt and it has a polar bear on it. i am still in my pyjamas.

26. favourite holiday? mehhhhhh christmas probably

27. wine or beer? cider. prosecco. neither wine nor beer

this was super fun i enjoyed it lots

tagging @dexnurseyheadcanons @pieplease and @sharkcastic i need more omgcp friends!!!!!

#sorry this is long #anyway i love doing tags #ask me questions y'all I love answering!!!#about me #tags

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not-iron-ic-blog · 6 years

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Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay

So I'm Ukrainian, but I'm gonna write in English, because 1) this way more people can read&understand my journal (and I'm an attention ho) and 2) either way I don't know what I'm doing or writing so it's not going to really make a difference

I'm a 17yo genderfluid mess, go by Alice, Notiron(Нежелезная) or Persefona, I suffer from BPD and I currently despise almost everything there is to say about my life

Let's take a look:

— I'm extremely socially awkward and I have 0000 friends in country I currently live and study in (which is Poland, UJ). People's attention to me as a person (and not something I do) makes me super uncomfortable, for example, I got hugely stressed out yesterday just from downloading badoo (to talk to at least someone) and getting way more likes than I could handle

— I got into a fairly good uni but right now I'm completely incapable of studying or even reading freaking books, so I already failed my first test and have to re-take it tomorrow

— I'm terrible at taking proper care of myself, so right now I don't exercize, my sleep schedule is whack and I have a proper meal 0-2 times a day

— I've fallen into quite a bit of an artblock, not in a sence that I can't draw, but it doesn't bring me any joy and all I feel from it is pressure

So yeah, this is currently my life, and I plan on changing it. Follow my changes if you want to, I guess. I’ll try to post moodboards, arts and quotes so this blog is actually interesting for normal people

#journal daily selfimprovement

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tideadvice · 7 years

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Part 1: i'm training martial mixed arts and today we made sparring. the kicks and and everything made me cry a little, and one class we fought i also wanted to cry, but didn't. the trainer said to me at he end that in sparring i fought with courage, anger, but not with self-confidence, trust on myself. he said to me that everything changes when you look with self-trust, and that courage is not the thing, that i have like problems and i need to change the chip, and that i can talk with him/anyone

Part 2: i thought i started to cry because those fists and kicks were like "hey, this is the real world, not so nice huh? much worse", and "you may be a girl and teen (17yo) but in the streets no one cares" (i train only with men and almost everyone of them is the double my age). but the other thing is that in my other school LITERALLY everyone of my generation were toxic and made me have no self-cofidence, no self-trust, nothing, and i experienced self harm and depression and suicidal thoughts.

Part 3: also anxiety. when i changed school, i felt more happier and everything but obviously those things disappeared, just went less. everyone says that this sport is really mental and psichological, and shalala. i said to my mom i cried but obvious she doesn't know about my anxiety, etc. she said maybe i should change the place or just end the month. she will talk with my dad. i... i don't know why, but i just felt the need to say this and just listen to someone's point of view about this.

Part 4: just for info, i'm beginning my second month training there and it's my first time in martial arts.

I’m sorry to hear about the toxic environment that caused you so much stress. You deserve better than that. I’m glad that you’re here. You’re strong, you’ve made it through so much. To me (someone who is not familiar with martial arts), it seems logical that a sport that involves so much mental capacity would interact with any anxiety or other stress you’re feeling, so the crying might just be a natural response to the pressure and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I would suggest trying to figure out if there’s anything specific about the martial arts that is causing you distress - maybe meditation before or after could help, or just trying to center yourself.

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savemefrommyselfxv · 7 years

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Apartments are not compartments //

Missed writing here to you HAHAHA but also the precious voice exchanges la hahahah I was replaying some starred audio notes which you probably lost hahahah. But anyway yeah hahah. and oh did you know it didn't actlly cross my mind to star/fav the audio notes until I read your "otw to KL" first mirror letter. HAHA BUT YAYYYY. FINALLY GOT TIME for a mirror letter. Hahahah feels long. And to myself I was thinking: to drift or not to drift, from this fellow mirror hahaha but well seemingly didn't so sup. Hahah flow all ways chill and depth and all ways always la eh. And yeah idk ah voices are far richer than texts but ah well. HAHA. letter writes pun letter writes la. Anyway HAHA humai just called me just now and she's super adorabz cuz it was vv random cuz she's otw to work allll the way at yck and she called me cuz she was getting sleepy and she almost fell in the crowded bus hahahah so yeah she shared a bit bout her new workkk and we talked bout ryc/faci and I was telling her bout the ilham I got this morning hahah. Basically after alterisk at Muhammadiyah like the boys aka our campers defo left a soft spot in my heart ah and amidst wtv struggles or their past crimes wtv, I truly think they must be special and Allah immensely loves them cuz by being in the home, they are gifted with solat jemaah daily and also I WAS SO IMPRESSED cuz they use points rewards system so they cab purchase things at their in house minimart which sells like watches and finger spinner and kanken bags and rexona hahahah but yeah like other than good behaviour, how they can earn points include reaching a certain few thousands of zikir on their zikir counter gadget thing AND ALSO BY MEMORISING not just the quran but jugak the 40hadith like wahhhh even I am nowhere close to that so truly masyaAllah. "zulumaati ilanoor" concept again. And every corner and wall and stairwell is laden with islamic reminders and. Just the idea that they are bathed in light. Idk man hahah. Just great amazing :""") But yeah so apparently there was also a sharing seshz by older ex convicts who npw have families and children of their own (I realised the idea of family and having precious loved ones kinda heals hearts and give ppl that motivation to change and strive eh) but yeah so there's this bunch and theyre tryna come up with like their own circle society called one heart brothers and they wanna run mentorship progs etc with such youths at risk ah. But they kept getting rejected by the various ppl they've approached and hm not sure if its bcuz of their past records or the not-up-to-standard presentation/proposals but yeah. Hahah like its great to have them have such sp (hahahaha adorabz humai just called me back hahah then we otp al kahfi like we took turns to read 10 ayats 10ayats hahah) (when truly friendship fillah) (eh ya hahaha btw while during lepak/ convos with the boys (all the home residents were boys ah but kk anyway) One of the male facis were asking the alterisk campers if they cui any of the female facis HAHAHAH. WHICH BECAME AN interesting conversation about how these 15-17yo boys look at girls with/without tudung and the concept of pretty to them HAHA then one of them defended and like "no ah I want the pakai tudung ones" and then another was like "eh bulan puasa mana boleh cui cui. Kene jaga mata" HAHAH so yeah that was funny. AND THEN(!!!!) one of the questions I asked was what is your fav trait in someone then some of them was like penyayang, bail hati sabar and all those typical answers. AND THEN this one 17yo kid he said "innocence" and then I immediately thought of you hahahahah. On another note, I think its quite cool leh, mirror. HAHAHA that I just finished this alterisk stint with ntu ms and youre gonz do your performance stint with nus ms HAHAHA issit subtle mirroring? Chey kidds hahahah I think ppl can turn something small and insignificant into something meaningful/significant if they so decide to lol. But yeah ok hahahah jumping thoughts all over (deal with it hahahah) But ya basically I hope I might get to engage again with this bunch and idk so my ilham this morning is to possibly "re-use" the content from ryc to bring forward those games to maybe a qiyam event for these boys. Like an alterisk: beyond ramadhan or a raya camp hahah. I think that'd be cool. So instead of just a once a year annual alterisk it could be a biiiit more frequent. But yeah HAHA ALL THE BEST FOR YOUR STAGE SPOKEN WORD OF REMINDERS LATER hahahah fun is fool but beneficial fun is cool or wtv the quote you wrote hahah and yeah your twitter delete thing caught me offguard a little cuz like i thought youd just leave your a/c as is but nah but yeah. Blessed friiiiday. :) I have another qiyam later today till tmr afternoon then another iftar prog tmr and then gonz meet the team for aceh on sunday night and aceh for a weeeeeeek insyaAllah. QadrAllah khair. Hahahah had a long convo with a majulah mentor also ytd bout how MIA I seem like I'm jumping too much and too many commitments and she sounded the alarm if I wasn't as present at majulah aceh prep but yeah :") still v much learning the art of balance. But yes hahah to finally realise the value of iftar at home was something andddd also yeah jemaah maghrib with ibu ytd was more than heartfelt again. :") Yay ok addu'a biddu'a mirroredzzzzzzzzz. Here's to odd strange letter writes friendship :")

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