#I get she could just be somewhere else

[thatoneluckybee]

WHERE is his MOTHER?

We see Naomi (Ben's mom), Ben, Lily, and I think Ashlyn's mom (HELP FORGOR NAME) and Daniel (Aiden's dad.)

WHERE IS JESSICA?

Girliepop your kid just got crushed in a nightmare world how is his aunt and a practically stranger doing a better job than you!?

#I get she could just be somewhere else #But from what we've seen of the clarks #I doubt it #sbg #school bus graveyard #rambles

[malinaa]

if i think about the hunger games in peeta's perspective i WILL start sobbing

#imagine you're a boy who's going to die. you're in love with the girl you've been watching from afar. you know your fate. #you just want to help her‚ but then there's the announcement and she's here in front of you‚ kissing you‚ risking her life for you and you #think‚ i could live and i could love. you think she loves you when she hands you the berries‚ when she puts them in her mouth. #then you both survive and you go back home and nothing is real anymore. you have nothing. no family. no friends. no love. just an empty #house. a drunk for a neighbor. the love of your life walking into somebody else's arms. you think‚ i survived the games. i could survive #this. and you also think‚ i should've bit down on those berries‚ should've felt the juice burst before i died. #and then the third quarter quell announcement rings in your ears and you think‚ she will live and i will die as i should have in the first #place. the girl you love kisses you on the beach and somewhere you heart stirs and your mind revolts and you savor every touch she has ever #given to you‚ in front of the cameras and off. because you are a tribute and you are always being watched and snow's presence looms and #you think‚ i know she cares. but you get taken. you get drugged. you get tortured‚ your mind altered. the girl is a mutt‚ a murderer. she's #everything you despise‚ your mind stirs. your heart revolts. you gain more awareness but cannot distinguish reality from fiction and you #have never known katniss' love. the war ends. you heal. you come home. you plant primrose for her. years down the line‚ you grow in love #more than you thought possible. but some days‚ you cannot tell fiction from reality so you ask the love of your life‚ you love me. #real or not real? and she says‚ real‚ and kisses you. #and you sigh and kiss her back and revel in this. a home. a life. a love. #lit #the hunger games #everlark #otp: real or not real? #katniss everdeen #peeta mellark #text #tais toi lys #thgpost

[only-god-canstopme]

aaron forgiving andrew for killing tilda when he has children of his own because he thinks that if she were around he never would’ve let her meet them.

(and if he didn’t want his children near her, or any children near her, that means that he, as a child, should’ve never been near her. and he gets what andrew did bc he would kill to keep these children safe too.)

#aftg #twinyards #aaron minyard #idk man i saw a tiktok and it got to me #this just makes sense to me #i think aaron must’ve felt a lot of self loathing and a lot of love with nowhere for it to go for so long in his life #that when he sees how vulnerable and precious his kids are it CLICKS #and he has somewhere for all that love that should’ve been for her that she never earned to go #and he thanks andrew for doing his best to keep him safe #and he understands eventually why it was the only option #why andrew didn’t trust cops or CPS #bc he had been burned too many times before and ANY amount of pain is too much pain for a child #and he looks at his children with such love and wonder and he doesn’t get how anyone could want to ruin something so perfect #how anything else could be more important than these children #ever #in other news it’s 2am my codine isn’t working and i wanted someone else to feel the pain i’m currently physically in <3

[theywontletmebeprincipal]

#personally I think it was #I think we discredit miquella a lot bc they’re so meek when like. the entire thesis of their character is not to underestimate the meek #n their entire goal is radical transformation. they’ve exhausted all other avenues. we Know they’re manipulative #I think they wanted to try out the blood magic #I think they would try fucking anything yknow. they’re desperate #n they’re also Very Clever #don’t get me wrong I think mohg thinks it’s all his own doing still. but I don’t think it actually is #I think mohg is an unknowing tool with his own motivations yes. but a tool nonetheless #n Clearly whatever he’s doing is working bc look how big miquella is #also I just find it hard to believe that malenia wouldn’t have stopped them being kidnapped if she were there #mohg could Not have beaten her in a fight #n she has no reason to leave that tree if miquella’s still there bc watching them is her in entire job #unless of course. they persuaded her to go somewhere else #sanders pollshit #elden ring #miquella the unalloyed #luminary mohg #malenia blade of miquella #soulsborne

[lorephobic]

idk how to even like. put this pain into words and i would normally vent about this shit on twitter, but the person its about follows me on there so like. anybody have skills for coping with the crushing realization that the person u love most in this world and have built ur life around sees ur current situation together as a temporary hurdle that's preventing them from their truest and happiest self which. is separate from u entirely? anyone know how to deal with this?

#live with my best friend in the whole entire world who. honest to god makes me the happiest person alive. #like im always waxing poetic about her in the tags on posts about platonic love #and i talk about her like she put the stars in the skies because for real it feels like she did for me #she is. the most important person in my life #and every day i feel grateful just to come home and sit with her #like honest to god i cannot imagine a future that is better than this #if i have a bad day i get to come home and my best friend in the world will make me laugh #what more could i ever ask for #but tonight we talked and she made it abundantly clear that. even if i do everything right #even if i'm the perfect roommate and the best friend i can be #in just over a year #when she's making enough money for it #she plans on moving into a place of her own #which like. makes sense for her. of course we were going to get to this point. #but i just. don't know what i'm going to do. #and it kills me that we're on different pages because for some reason i thought this was a long term thing #i thought we were going to move into a house together #i was just telling my coworker this week that we need to move into our forever home soon which was partially a joke #but also. even if i was making a million dollars a year. #i would still want to be here. with her. #or somewhere else. with her. #like it's so hard to imagine a future without her. it breaks my heart and scares the shit out of me. #and i know i can't afford it here. and i can't move in with strangers. and i'm working my dream job but i'm scared that i'm going to have t #give it all up and move back east because. i can't do this alone. and she's all i have. and all i ever wanted. #and she's leaving. #she doesn't want to be with me. #sry this is so fucking. ugh. idk. i just don't know what to do. #for real might just drop everything and move to chicago if it comes down to it ksdkfljdfs #its what sufjan would have wanted #fucked up terrible no good week

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I dunno how long ago it was I was talking about it or if I ever did, but I was just thinking about the way some of the animatronics have unique ways of recharging separate to a recharge station.

Like I've had DJ and Roxy using special lamps for recharging for a while with recharge stations being a big risk to the systems, and this has developed a bit since then. Mostly just the reasoning behind why Roxy has it, and it's being given to a few other animatronics in Plex History stuff too. Then there's Chica with a biofuel stomach that converts all food consumed into a power source, and can be used with a recharge station (thanks @/phroggslayer!!) which is neat, even if I keep forgetting about it. Those were the only unique ones I had (I had something for the Minis but I don't remember it) but I've just had a thought.

Now, I don't have the game so I can't just wander around and have a look, but there's water in Gator Golf, right? What if the water has a current and Monty can charge via a fucking water wheel in his chest? Like a stomach hatch where it pops open while he's floating on his stomach like the gator he is and this wheel drops down so the current can turn it and generate power? Seems really inefficient ngl so maybe multiple wheels or something? I dunno I think that would be kinda cool but also kinda goofy???

An alternative could be that the water is electrified and whenever he goes in it, his body absorbs the power through the water. I feel like that would give him the side effect of slowly power draining some animatronics if he hugs them or something though which honestly could still be pretty fun?

Like, he can lie under the restoring lights with Roxy and DJ and cuddle with them (I'm thinking platonically but it doesn't really matter) to charge himself through them. They get to take an extra long nap because he's draining their power while they're getting it from the lights and they like their naps so they like this arrangement actually.

And then you could have Monty hugging Chica to drain from her while she eats, biofuel speed at maximum and they're testing whether or not Chica can eat faster than he can charge. That could be pretty funny. Some fun emotional stuff to look at too with him being unable to touch his friends without draining their energy, but if it's slow enough then it's probably not too big a deal. Even less of a big deal if he can turn it on and off at will.

The waterwheel thing is just so funny to me though??? It's like those cartoons where the robot opens their chest and there's a little hamster running on a wheel in there to power them lmao

But if he can drain power from electronics then he can grab your phone and drain it dry within a few seconds out of spite and I think he deserves that actually. Of course I'd let him be able to use the recharge station as well, but why would he choose to use that over floating around the Gator Golf water features?

#fnaf security breach #montgomery gator #i just think that could be so funny if his chest opens and theres wheels in there #just sits there spinning the wheels himself to stim or something #you put a Mini in the wheel and its the Fazbear version if a hamster wheel lmao #but then the electrified water thing would be so cool for him #he has the hug of Eepy Sleepy and he's not afraid to use it #sees roxy stressing and just picks her up in a bear hug to make her power fall even faster than it already is with her stressing #and she's so mad about it making her sleepy let go of her right the fuck now!! #..... no don't put her under the lights in her comfy hammock!!! put her down somewhere else!!! #jokes on him she's not THAT tired- /falls out of the hammock/ #picks her up off the floor and puts her back in all smug cause he knows he's won #HAHAAAA GET EEPY SLEEPIED IDIOT!!! #gets him back by biting his arm and not giving it back even after she's dozed off #now he's fucking STUCK god DAMN it #takes her an hour or two to charge like this depending on how low she is so he's just sat there on the floor #grumpy as all fuck like >:( #cause the Law of the Plex clearly states never to disturb a recharge cycle #ESPECIALLY if its DJ or Roxy's cause they EEPY you can't wake them up!!! that's mean!!! cruel!!! unjust!!! #he is stuck there and no one is going to help him. he brought this on himself. #and if COURSE she's still touching him so he's unintentionally draining from her so she's gonna be sleeping even LONGER #once again the score board remains tied lmao #it also means that after every fight night they have with eachother ends in Roxy going to sleep #so it'd be funny if that were their version of a bedtime routine lmao #but the water wheel is so fucking goofy... #i dunno man anyone have any thoughts? #oh my god if he's floating around with the water wheel while someone's playing golf #they hit it a bit too hard and it goes in the water #but on it's way there it bounced off his snoot lmao #or he grabs it and puts it on his nose and has a kid stand on him to take the shot from there

[spacedlexi]

i Need to draw more clemviminnie shit but how am i supposed to do that when minnie only exists alongside them for 2 episodes then dies

#its why i alive her for some post s4 stuff just so i have more to work with 😔 #but i dont Love doing that....she sealed her fate..she was lost in the sauce... #but theres so much there.............. #the way minnie was concerned for vi while betrayed!vi and clem were fighting in the cell she def still had feelings... #they still wouldve been dating if she was never taken like...... #ITS SO MESSY I LOVE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! #like while i Do think there was some tension in their relationship somewhere bc that line in the woods didnt come from nowhere #no matter how changed she was by the delta that sentiment had to come from somewhere. maybe she could just never say it #but idk if they wouldve broken up over it and there was no reason for violets feelings to change either. she just grieved her 'death' #vi says the real minnie is gone and that she'll do what she has to to keep everyone else safe but like.... #theres no way shes not still conflicted on some level like you can see it on the boat she cant leave her. esp since she kinda blames hersel #minnie being clems dark reflection but clem is minnies reflection just as much (obvs) the tension is palpable between them #clem being the part of herself that she killed when she killed sophie...the symbolism of killing your own twin... #and how much does clem remind her of sophie too like whos clem Really mirroring here #THERES SO MUCH MEAT THAT IM CHEWING ON THIS IS A GRAND MEAL #and i cant fucking do anything about it 😭 seriously how do i work within these constraints #there isnt even a 2 week jump like there is in ep2 theres no unaccounted for time in eps 3 and 4 ITS KILLING ME #i bet in a betrayed!vi route minnie was glad to see her when they made it to the boat. and vi feeling betrayed by clem was a perfect target #totally susceptible. minnie gets in her head that its safer to give in instead of fighting back... and now theyre together again... #vi betrayed by clem falling right back into minnies arms OOF girl get away she is Fucked Up..theyre both fucked up 😭 clem u broke her #betrayed!vis reaction to hearing minnies confession about sophie..girl must have been so emotionally fucked in that cell #mmm toxic yuri mmmmm :) #god clemvi really has it all.............................................. #why would i need anything else...when clemvi is here #twdg #it speaks #still cant believe my fave girlie really got it all :)

[gentlethorns]

okay i'm struggling again

#she bork #tbd #idk i'll be fine life is just very mean and unfair and worst of all ordinary and dull. i go to work i come home i do nothing worthwhile. #weekends are never long enough and i never get to cram enough into them to enjoy myself. if life was mean but also generous and glamorous i #could maybe put up w it bc for every low there would be a high but it's not. it's just mean and you hit that low and then instead of it #being followed by a high you just end up on a plateau and eventually you hit another low. god i just don't think i was supposed to live in #this ordinary boring tedious life like i'm not made for it. not in a pretentious arrogant way but in a way that's like i'm going fucking #crazy like i have cabin fever but w my life rather than my environment (which tbh maybe they come down to one and the same). idk sometimes i #want to just blow up my life and go somewhere else and do something else and have fun and not feel so weighted down by responsibilities and #bills and worry about money specifically. like i was miserable in high school but now i think i look back on it fondly bc 1. no true #responsibilities or high stakes and/but 2. the stakes always FELT high like i was CONSTANTLY up and down and euphoric and depressed. not #healthy at all but it always felt like something was HAPPENING and now it just doesn't. i have always though that bored was the worst thing #to be and now here i am all the time it feels like. bored. #and again at the root of everything is that life is mean. mean mean mean. sometimes shit just HAPPENS that's bad and fucks you over and #there's nothing you can do about it. and again if there was something guaranteed to make up for it that would be fine but there's not. you #just have to recover and let it go and move on. and i'm not good at that

[skrunksthatwunk]

found out that rascal's owner took him again while i was out, and he's probably not gonna be back since the semester's almost over. i don't even know if his owner's coming back next semester, if i'll ever see him again. if he'll ever see me again. why do they wait until im not around to do this? why do they never let me say goodbye to him?

#i didnt really get to process it bc i found out when i was hanging w a friend but. im processing it now #sigh.. i dont know. i dont know. #at the end of the day he is and has always been someone else's cat. i can't control what she does with him #no matter what i think of it. she can always take him away. but every time it happens im just. im tired yknow? #it's worth it to me to have him around. i love him dearly and i want him to be in a home where he's actually cared for (which i have done my #best to provide) but he's just. not mine. and every time it happens i back up and think man. im such a sucker. #i don't think people manipulate me often. not in an ongoing way i mean. i don't think ppl see me as valuable enough to most of the time. #but damn. she really found my weak spots didn't she. free petcare courtesy of one chump who can't live without animals around. sigh #he deserves stability but he deserves love more. this weird shared custody thing is better for him i think. and frankly i also love him. #im not the priority here but my feelings are like. there. him being taken away without even telling me first hurts. i'd like to be able to #say goodbye to him. im not saying he has to stay or this has to go on but couldn't they just.. consider my feelings a bit more? #just bc you're fine with dropping your cat off somewhere for weeks not knowing when you'll see him again and not visiting doesn't mean i am #and i kind of feel like my roommate is part of this. after all it's not like his owner can just break into our room and take him #and if im always out when they do it there's a chance roomie's just shipping him off whenever she gets sick of him. #she's done it before. even after she agreed so vehemently with me about never wanting him to go back to such treatment and stuff early on. #she's been spraying him for little reason lately too. and i mean i get being a little more cautious with some things bc her neck's broken #but she's really fixated on how much he smells and bites and stuff and talks about how if i wasn't around she'd consider eating him #and then other times she's like that's my pookie. i don't get it. like yeah i tell rascal to fuck off sometimes bc he hurts me but it's not #like a hateful thing. i dont resent him for it i'm just annoyed sometimes bc he's maiming me a little. he's my baby. how could i loathe him? #so it makes me think that roomie might be blaming his transfers on his owner bc she doesn't want me to judge her #and like. this is her room too. it's not her fault she's more bothered by the smell than me. if she doesn't want to be bitten and clawed all #the time i can sympathize. i don't wanna force her to house him. but i wish she'd just be honest with me i guess #like. what if his owner decides to give him away without telling me? i'd take him in in a heartbeat. even though i know it's a bad idea. #but i'm worried he'll fall out of my reach completely. and at the very least I'd like to be able to say goodbye first. that's all.

[swordmaid]

sza open arms but it’s shri’iia’s relationship with lolth specifically this part

#please put a leash on me anyway….. who needs self esteem anyway…………………….!!!!!!! #the way I treat her relationship with lolth (and her matriarch bc she projects lolth on her) and her Oath is like this toxic abusive #relationship where she is So copedent on the other and she wants to Please and follow them so badly that she disregards her own self sm #like to the point where her own sense of self/individuality is so divorced from herself bc she just thinks that she’s Made to follow this #oath and her body is a tool for them to use so she doesn’t really care what they do with it bc as long as she’s following her oath she’s #content. since to her her oath is literally everything you know and it just so happens that her oath is centered around following her #goddess and her matriarch.. like the option to Not Follow them was so unfathomable that when she actually does it it’s out of her own will #and when she bears the brunt of that consequence she doesn’t know what comes next bc she never knew she could do That u know …. #anyway I think conceptualising her relationship with her faith in that way is interesting to me since I read somewhere not sure if it’s #canon or what but lolth’s relationship with the drows is an allegory for domestic abuse so like… it tracks #also the thing with shri’iia is that she doesn’t see herself as a victim bc she was the one who swore up on that oath u know #so for her everything else that followed and the way she was treated is basically like well this is what u we’re getting into 🤷‍♀️ #but it’s also like she didn’t even know there were other options considering her society is just one big lolth cult and then there’s the #drow victim blaming mentality that’s def ingrained on her #like I could see her understanding someone else’s pain and struggles and trying to offer some form of comfort #but if it comes to her she’ll just be confused on why they feel bad bc she signed up for it 🥲😩😔 #parts of the things she’s def unlearning now that shes stuck in the surface lol

[belladonnafleur]

I hate people with dreams because I wish I could give up mine !!

#this isnt' meant to be a deep post im just screaming into the void #im back in the city and there is just this deep sense of dread and I wish I could call my friends and talk abt it but everyone who would #understand is too busy #I have one fren who I think mite but shes busy #I have one midterm this week and im still scared of my prof even tho ik she means well and I rightfully pissed her off last last week #I want to leave the committee I work for completely #I want to leave this school completely!! #aaaaaaaaaaa #I want to go grad school #I also just look online and I wish I went to a diff school than this one #bc my family does NOT have the money for this school if Id just waited and gone somewhere else I would not be in this much DEBT #ik i was in a tough situation a few yrs ago and HAD to just pick a school + get out #but still #I think just. if my life events hadn't been so shit and bad #if I hadn't been in such a Bad place during and after the pandemic id be at a diff school #one that didn't make me feel so BAD and one that didn't put me in so much debt #some of why im pissed off and anxious is lit my fault #I burned some bridges and hurt ppl and pissed them off!! #but yn when u make a mistake and everyone around u will def define u by it #bc me rn #I just need to leave and not come back #or if I do not come back for a long time #I wish I could pack my shit and do the rest of the sem online #the only thing I'd miss is choir bc I love it #all of my friends (most of) are in choirrrr #its the way choir is the only thing that makes me feel good I hATE everything else

[verycoolsnails]

YAYYY MISHA THEME!!!

MISHA 💖💓🩷❤️💕💖💓🩷💖❤️💖💓💓💖🩷💓

#i loevev them so much did you know that #currently saving up for him and it is HELL after spending it all on sparkel .so many quests and not enough timw ......... #and . ouhhh havent had the chance to talk abt . shit what is it called . lemme go see real quick . #A CHILDS DREAM . yknow that one map with the text on the walls and the melted clocks and stuff . #that was done . SO incredibly well it makes me INSANE........... #so like . im 100.1% sure the speaker (who talks abt mikhail a lot) in that room is misha. #like that IS her voice right . im not going insane #its just . auuh... the dreams (or at least golden hour) in peacony are so childlike .... like . some of the puzzles are jigsaw puzzle ; #turn into a small cartoon character ; and help the cartoon character find his cartoon gears . #and then you get to clockie . who can only be seen by someone w a childs innoence (or smth around those lines) #and that misha can see clockie . which like . cool right ? yeab. UNTIL YOU GET TO A CHILDS DREAM .. #where theres something just ... sososo off . #and its ... its just gotta be misha . its gotta be . idk if theres anything outside of main story im missing (there probably is) #BUT . augh . auf even . #childs dream still has these childlike qualities to it (the paper birds; walking on walls) but just ... more warped #(the general atmosphere of the place; the monsters even .) #the music having a music box to make the tone of the song more distressing ... how its so much more smaller than golden hour .. #aughhhhhh ... its just such a good parallel..... i could talk abt it all day really . #anyways . i WAS going to tell u abt my misha theory (which may or may not be confirmed) bu t i got DISTRACTED. #uhh anyways . my theory is that misha is somehow trapped in peacony . #when misha goes onto the parlor car they mention that theyve never been outside of peacony before and that she can t stay for long . #which i imagine is very normal! BUT its this combined w her lock motif (pupils; most of the doors in childs dream) thag make me suspicious #i mentioned before that golden hour has a very childish quality to it. and that misha has that childish quality. #okay well . what if mishas being kept there so that golden hour can keep on being a dream for other people? #and so that would make golden hour mishas dream. (or part of his dream? could be more people the familys keeping) #and that would imply that childs dream is . well . mishas nightmare . #uhm . i think thats it ..? if i come up w anything else ill . ramble abt it somewhere . definitely not the most eloquent but #i hope i got the point across <33 #i think its an understatement to say i love misha . i LOVE MISHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

[queenangella]

sometimes working together on a thesis is like *she cant do her tasks because she’s busy with following classes I guess there’s really nothing else she does* me: oh its fine I get it I’m busy too sometimes you know if I can help you with anything let me know:)) vs. *I can’t do all my tasks on time bc well i work six days in a week and spend three nights a week doing volunteer work and oh because my thesis partner is apparently once again busy with following classes I guess she dumped all her work on my lap* she: oh you should tell me next time if you’re busy cause these tasks are really important :/ you shouldn’t like let them wait so long

#like yeah bitch I know they’re important that’s why I woke up early Monday morning to handle them but if you remember. I couldn’t cause you #did everything you were supposed to do wrong:)) and #then I skipped my lunch because that was the only time I could make free to fix it but couldn’t :)) bc apparently you didn’t even do it #wrong you just didn’t do it you copied it from someone else whose task wasn’t even remotely the same:))) #and like I get that following classes is important I get it but I literally looked up her schedule she’s got at least four half days a week #that she doesn’t have any classes. I’m making literally every minutes I have time to do these things and she can’t manage to make some time #in those four afternoons???? so she dumps them on my to do them all in the one day of the week I got free and have also other things to do #which forces me to literally not eat and sleep to be able to do them???????? #I’m so pissed our meetings are literally like me: ‘oh yeah I’ve got an incredibly busy week but I’m sure if I just work longer in the #evening and sleep a little less then I can make an hour free every day to do these interviews’ #she: ‘that’s great that you can make time for that! I can’t cause I’ve got a class somewhere that day so can you do like all the work??’ #like if she’s gonna dump me for the statistical analysis I’m gonna literally destroy all the data in my wake good luck doing the actual work #all over again next year #sorry I’m probably overreacting #she’s not that bad but she also needs to shut up instead of criticising bc I’m not doing all the work fast enough while she’s ‘so busy’ all #the fucking time #at least I’m doing the fucking work

[fionarara]

still randomly remembering that one time i attended the creator of Minecraft's annual house party even though i've never even played that video game lmao and after getting to watch Skrillex dj in such an intimate setting (surreal), we all hung out and he had like a harem of cute girls surrounding him on the couch, haha it seemed super platonic though and he was really respectful,,, literally he was so kind to me and everyone,, by far the nicest celeb i've ever met besides elijah wood.

#the infinity pool view was truly epic tho. best i've ever seen like #i've been to my fair share of random LA hills parties whenever i'm in california where the house was fire #but this one took the cake #apparently he beat out beyonce n jay-z in getting the property or somethingn.. as i later learned by someone that evening ?/ hm random fact #also he had like a massively ginormous room *inside* his home dedicated to displaying LIFE SIZE transformers and actual cars i felt so tiny #i wish i could remember that moment better but i think the party drugs i was on kicked in right then lol #the uber ride home later was a mess though bc i was p fucked up by the end and i had to teach some guy about #consent with the girl he was with in the backseat and i got really protective of her. she was so grateful she ended up kissing me instead ! #like actuallymaking out with me and i was shocked but okay hell ya why not right? #i think the dude understood and got what i was saying in the end tho so that's dope #fuck i love teaching problematic 3D men how to think with their heart and not their cocks<3 #i honestly think i get super off on it. i've done it too many times to count #teachable non-misogyny moments FTW bling~bling! <3 #sorry this is so random i just needed somewhere to dump this thought out bc i could never to do it anywhere else in my actual life lmao #anyway hope y'all have been healthy and well <3 how's the anime world doin...? #haikyuu's comin back soon eh? and AOT too? maybe maaaybe i'll be back around then 👋 #➕ara~ara gomen ! #minecraft #video games

[cannot-copia]

just applied for the job i had during college and honestly it feels bad man

everyone I know is actually accomplishing things with their life, buying property, getting promotions, getting their masters etc

fuck, even my cousin who is several years younger than me and has very little to no college (aka doesn’t have student loan debt) just got a management position at a fortune 100 company and is now making more than 60k

And where am I now?

Couldn’t do my job at the big company I was supposed to work at, where I had insurance and got paid enough to actually pay for things

all I do now is feeding horses and basically just putting them in different places 4 hours a day 6 days a week for less than what I made ever since I started working and living off that and what’s left of what I had accumulated in my 401k at my old job (that im gonna have to pay thousands of taxes on for taking it out too early im sure) and therefore fucking myself over for the future- everyone always says start young well I did and I’m too fucking useless to function without wanting to remove my skin apparently so I fucked that up

And yeah it was just an online application so I don’t know how likely it is they’ll even respond and hire me again but I feel like I am going backwards

I did what everybody always insisted I had to do

i went to college

i got a “real” (office) job

i got more than 25k student loan debt I have not been able to make even a dent in

and what do i have to show for it? even worse mental illness? A piece of paper that said i went to college? Crippling fear of answering a phone? an extreme hate for the way I look now?

and now im (at least attempting) to go back to where I was before all that bc that’s the only place i can think of will hire me, to a job I did not enjoy whatsoever, where I am going to have to explain to the high schoolers that would be working closing shift that I will have to do after the morning job like yeah i left here 3 years ago for a competitive job that paid twice as much at one of the (apparently voted) best employers in the city that everyone wants to work for but I threw it all away bc im a useless fucking idiot and now I’m back here working fast food watching all these people who will go to school and get the jobs they want and not fuck it up and actually be successful and move on with their lives

it just,,, it doesn’t feel good

i feel like I’ll never get anywhere so what’s even the point

#and I know you’re probably thinking oh well you have horses you must have plenty of money etc #thing is i work at the place i keep them i do not pay regular price or I would not afford them at all #I’ve only ended up with as many as i have bc at my old #job i made just enough to not be negative every month #and now I can’t get rid of them because I am afraid to talk to people and ended up very attached to one we got with the intention to sell #after a few months #and the other we have had for 10 years now but she would need to be consigned somewhere to get what she’s worth #which requires /talking to people/ #so while I previously could just about afford them I can’t now unless something majorly changes #once i run out of what’s left of my 401k i will not have the money to pay for them #yes i know buying ghost tickets with that was an idiotic thing to do but it temporarily made me happy #which is also another reason i want to try to avoid getting rid of the horses if at all possible #sounds stupid but at this point without them there would really be no point in being here #they’re the only reason I talk to anybody at all these days and they are capable of making me happy #im sorry i feel like i have been complaining on here a lot more frequently lately and i don’t think anybody wants to see shit like this on #their dash but i don’t really have anywhere else to say things #anybody irl always just says ‘well other people did x/it was your decision to y/etc #the shitty insurance I have now does not cover anxiety/depression things I have not been taking any and I have a feeling it is not helping #delete later

[purplelea]

Twewy native Pre week 2 neku and kh1 Riku would be the most toxic friend group ever

I had to specify neku as twewy native because in dream drop josh straight up said they all died and that's why they got sent to traverse town. But given his lines it's clear he's at least past peak asshole neku.

Thoughts?

OH YEAH VERY TRUE. but actually I don't even think they'd be friends, if that makes sense. Riku needs someone kind who looks up to him (like Sora and Kairi), and Neku pre-twewy... isn't that. Neku on the other hands needs people he can relate to and who share his worldviews (ex: how he got along with Joshua in week 2 and was able to have many interesting discussions with him despite, yknow, thinking Joshua murdered him). So it wouldn't actually work if there was only the two of them: Riku doesn't share Neku's values of shutting himself from people because he's scared of getting hurt & hurting them. And Neku only looks up to CAT.

#léa replies #it's interesting to think about tho. if somehow they were hanging out... it would honestly not be very good. for anyone. #now you got me thinking about how Riku's low self-esteem can be a parallel to Beat and Shiki but each have a different way to deal with it #Riku's low self-esteem becomes jealousy when he sees someone else hang out with Sora (he puts the blame on others) #a reaction that appears to be similar to Beat who's angry at for example kariya when Rhyme dies #but it's actually just a facade. and he's mostly angry at himself for his incompetence #and Shiki on the other hand gets jealous of Eri but turns that against herself to the point that she tries to erase her own self #so she can reach Eri's supposed perfection #so we have a broad range of reactions to low sefl-esteem #and while Riku's is obviously the most harmful for others (increased by the fact that Maleficient and Ansem SOD took advantage of it) #i don't want to call him toxic for that. he's just a lost kid who doesn't know how to handle change. just like Kairi is. #and that's why they drift apart with Sora trying to chase both of them because he's the only one who is able to handle change. #his issues lie elsewhere. #anyway i could swear i was going somewhere with this but i had dinner in between so i forgor... #maybe something about how yeah Neku was toxic pre-twewy but i don't think Riku was before it all went downhill in kh1 #it's really Maleficient and Ansem's manipulation who made him go the extra mile and hurt others when he only wanted to save Kairi #and yeah i guess making the words fall and trying to kill Sora is pretty toxic at this point lmao #thanks for the ask! #twewy spoilers #twewy #kingdom hearts