#I guess it looks more like an antelope honestly...

[taybatwo2]

Magic Mixling Review: Deerlee!

Guess who got her hands on Deerlee?? I did! I couldn’t find her anywhere in my area, nor any of my neighboring towns. After ordering her twice on Amazon, I finally got her (the first time was another Unia). She was the one I was most excited for too.

Here’s Deerlee with all of my other deer-esque dolls. Monster High Isi Dawndancer, Monster High Gilda Goldstag, Zelfs Talleen (she’s not technically a deer….but I wanted something else in the picture) and Manny the moose Zelf.

Here she is!! She’s super cute. She has a bunch of cute (I think plum) blossoms all over her, including her antlers.

More of her and other deer dolls under the cut!

As with almost all of the Pixlings, she has sculpted clothes (including gloves) and a “swimsuit” with the same theming. The knots on her top/boots/back of gloves remind me of pankou knots (I’m not sure if that intentional or not). It does bother me that her little tail is on the side. I need to make her a little tail like Winter and Unia.

Here are both sides of her shoes (she has hooves sculpted on the front).

The bottom has more plum blossoms, petals, and the Moose Toys logo.

Her hair is super soft by the way. It feels just as soft as the other Pixlings. She also still has some pixelization (but again, it’s not as distracting as Mattel’s printing). Her blushing on her nose and one side of her upper lip is a bit off, but not too bad. She also has a very cute assortment of freckles and petals on her face.

Oh! And her ears are fully sculpted to her head, they’re not separate pieces.

An oddity with Deerlee is her neck peg. It doesn’t seem to have any paint on it and it is very visible when she lifts her neck up.

Let’s briefly compare her to some of her deer attributes to other deer-like dolls (as I don’t own many of these and I do deeper dives into them on my other Pixling posts).

Her and Gilda both have deer-like ears sticking out of the side of their heads, pinkish hair, face spots, and light tan/gold skin (the darker tan on Deerlee is very similar to Gilda’s skin tone). Her antlers are much more like an antelope than those of a deer.

Gilda’s horns have more in common with Enchantimals: Gabriela Gazelle’s.

Let’s compare her to someone who has more deer features: Isi Dawndancer.

Isi actually doesn’t have attached antlers, and her ears are placed higher on her head; she does have lots of freckles/spots on her face though. To make up for the lack of antlers, she has some of the COOLEST FEET EVER! Take a look Deerlee!

Cute little hoofies!!! She’s actually the only one of these bipedal deer dolls that (were created) to have hoof feet.

Monster High had another deer-like character: Fawn, but she never received a doll. She has deer ears on the side of her head, no antlers, face freckles and she has HOOF FINGERS!!

Ever After High’s Dragon Games’ Deerla (a smaller pixie doll, ancestor to their Enchantimals’ line) has similar design elements to Isi, Fawn, and Deerlee:

Her skin tone looks very close to Fawn’s, she has freckles, and deer ears on top of her head (like Isi’s).

-I still can’t get over the two pairs of ears design choice-

……her antlers look really odd, like they have a main antler shape in there, but they added a bunch of random swirls to them as an afterthought.

Deerla passed down her golden ears, antlers and second pair of ears to her Enchantimal cousins.

Danessa Deer is one of the main cast of Enchantimals. She is about the height of Deerlee, has a similar skin tone to Isi, and once again has freckles.

Danetta Deer (-they seriously just took the two ‘s’s in her name and changed them to the next letter in the alphabet-) is on a much smaller Enchantimal body and basically looks like a smaller version of Danessa with a cuter face (in my humble opinion).

Rainey Reindeer has some impressive looking antlers. She has the lightest of freckles and she looks close to Deerlee’s skin complexion. Honestly, one of the cuter Enchantimals (maybe because her ponytail hides her human looking ears).

Nope, I lied. Queen Delilah has the most impressive looking set of antlers sculpted onto her head (for the Enchantimal line anyways). -someday she will be mine- She is eight inches tall. A tiny bit shorter than the Ever After High Pixies which were 8.5 inches tall, but she has more articulation: her knees! Not even Deerlee has that!

She looks to be the same color as Rainey and parts of Deerlee. Of course she has the freckles too.

The last Mattel line I’m going to look at are the Monster High Frightmares. Specifically the two “deer” looking frightmares: Fawntime Fallowheart and Meadoe Flurry. -two more deer dolls I desperate wanted but never bothered to buy when I had the chance!!-

They are 6 inches tall, have molded on clothing and down turned ears just like Deerlee! Their arm articulation is pretty limited, but they could move at the hip and neck. They have the cutest little molded deer tails!! And their bodies are giving me nostalgia for my G2 My Little Ponies. I think only Fawntime has freckles (and some unique branch eyebrows) and Meadoe has only powdered lavender/ periwinkle skin tone so far (and the most badass looking fantasy antlers). Okay! Onto MGA’s deer doll offerings.

-my holy grail- Novi Star’s Doe A. Deer! She has flocked legs (and I thiiiiink that’s all…which is a choice).

Her body is mostly white and her dress looks like something Fawntime would like to graze on, she doesn’t have any freckles (just some dot eyebrows, Gilda would be pleased), I don’t believe she has a tail, her ears look to be the same, but her antlers are wonderfully large.

Na! Na! Na! Surprise had a female and a male deer doll: Myra Woods and Donnie Ranger.

Both have the littlest of freckles, super detailed clothes (seriously, Donnie’s look amazing) and plastic horns stuck to their hats (both seem to be new sculpts too). For some reason, Myra’s sleeping bag’s antlers are set under her ears.

Okay! Onto another Moose toy!!! Zelfs!!! I have already said how much I love posing my pixlings with my Zelfs, but they are so cute together. Deerlee seems to like gossiping with Talleen and Manny.

Both of them have ears stuck to the tops of their head like Isi and the Enchantimals. There were two more deer themed Zelfs: Dorthy-doe (who looks a bit more like a pink Jack-a-lope than a deer) and another reindeer to join the herd: Rein-Doe. Both lack face spots and have different horns than Deerlee (although Rein-doe looks very similar - he even seems to have a flower theme too).

I had wanted to compare her with one of my Zelfs that had downturned ears (as what hers immediately reminded me of). Hmm, it actually looks like the Zelfs (this is Flitter by the way) had a little indent in there and Deerlee had thicker chunkier ears.

Anyways, not as deep as I usually go for over-views on dolls, but I’ll take some more photos of her after I give her a proper tail and paint some of the detail on her shirt and gloves. Did you guys have a favorite deer themed doll? Any of these on your want list? Did I miss any play line deer dolls?? She was super cute, and while I would still love for the line to give us knee articulation, more dolls with fully removable clothing, and the option to buy the dolls without the potion bottles (which are fun, but I am not going to be playing with them again). I look forward to trying to find the dragon and the fairy pixlings.

#aleta’s toys #doll collecting #dollbr #magic mixies #magic mixies pixlings #Deerlee #doll reviews #doll review #deer doll #pixling #pixlings #Deerlee Pixling

[archaeojones-archive]

What was some of the most interesting finds you got?

"Gonna be real with ya, I think it's all cool! Half the fun is seein' anything pop outta the screen, regardless of if it's a piece of an iron nail, a shard of glass, a piece of brick, or whatever else.

"I'm just gonna whip out my handy-dandy booklet fulla notes here...and...there! Sick!"

...

"I will tell ya my favorite genre of artifacts to encounter. Anything that can tell us about trade and the interconnectivity of those what came before! I loved porin' over the lead cloth seals at Jamestown for the short time I did some work there. Like...I ain't sure how to describe it, but I could remember how some of 'em looked fresh off the boat, which was weird since honestly, I don't remember much good about old Jamestown. And the boat thing is probably something I shouldn'ta said out loud in the Rediscovery Center. But these seals often had information regardin' the place of origin, the material, and other such things. Some were stamped more than once as the cloth traveled, so you can track it much like a modern mail package!

"I also really love lithics! Ever thought about how some lithics get found far, far off from the mineral's source? Those may have been treated as commodities. I mean, of course some were used, but when we find traveled lithics, they often aren't found with much wear. Like that real pretty rainbow flint out of the Alibates Flint Quarries near Fritch, Texas. We have evidence of the quarries bein' used by the Ice Age Clovis groups and by the Antelope Creek and Panhandle cultures much later between 1200 and 1450 AD. But we also have examples of spear points and other forms of lithic tools made from this same Alibates flint miles and miles away. Was it valued for its beauty? Was it particularly strong? Somethin' made it valuable and we know that it was traded as far north as Montana and as far south as Central Mexico - ah, I should really contact María, I know there is some interesting archaeology down south there. Thought for another day!

"Other things of interest are beads. Native beads we often see made of shell and other local materials. When we get into periods of European settlement here, we start to see glass beads at sites. Shades of blue were highly valued, we tend to find. On a less professional note, I gotta agree, but I'm a total sucker for anything blue! I guess my sweatshirt is a testament here - ha!

"There are so many other types of artifacts that can aid this knowledge. Pottery appearing in styles not common to the area in which they are found, historical documents detailing trade if available...I think it's neat how humans have been interested in trading and consuming since the beginnin'. Like looking into barter systems and different currencies throughout history and around the world. It's like how we get the word carat from carob beans - carob seeds? - and other such monetary tales. Please y'all, I'm beggin' ya, look into some of this stuff. Never has humanity ever really been isolated! You’re natural entrepreneurs!"

#ask archaeology boy #archaeology f jones #hetalia #hetalia ask blog #aph america #hws america #alfred f jones

[fleouriarts]

Hello! I thought I’d just say this here, your art is outstanding!! I love your world building abilities, it’s incredible how you’ve created such an in depth universe! It’s a huge inspiration to me! Also the way you portray trans characters in your work makes me so happy! Since I’ve found your work I’ve started making my characters unapologetically trans after seeing how confidently you draw them! I’ve stopped worrying about making a character’s gender easy to read or understand and it’s been more euphoric than I expected! I was wondering if you have any story writing tips/world building tips? I’ve got this one story I’m working on but I’m a bit stuck on adding creatures and stuff to it

Thank you so much!

first of all thank you so much for all the compliments! i'm always really happy to see people touched by the way i depict my trans characters + my interpretations of other characters as trans, it's nice to know my art has that sort of impact

as for worldbuilding/story writing tips, i honestly get most of my inspiration for worldbuilding from my college classes. i'm a biology major who usually takes some anthropology and art history classes on the side to offset my ridiculous amount of STEM work, so i end up encountering a lot of stuff that would inspire both my cultural and biological worldbuilding. however, obviously i know that not everyone is in higher education, but you could probably get the same sort of thing by hunting down documentaries about things you'd like to put in your world (or things you like in general! i often just add something to my worldbuilding cus i like it and find a way to justify it later). if anyone has any recommendations for stuff like that please post those in the replies!

for creature design specifically, i would recommend looking through jayrockin's character design tag, especially if you're going for more hard spec bio. i haven't really gotten around to designing a lot of sumakha's fauna, but when i do, i'll probably take this approach to it. i think a really good way to make unique-looking designs is by focusing on a species' niche and what they would've had to evolve to be successful in it. for example, ketvidae are a mishmash of cats, lemurs, mustelids, and a bunch of other random mammals cus i was basically just pulling from anything that was an ambush predator and/or arboreal. i sort of did the same thing with pemadae, where i based them on horses/antelopes but gave them a raptor stance since all of those animals are things that run fast and (at least for horses and antelopes) live in grasslands. i find this approach to be helpful for making creatures that don't look exactly like a single real-life animal while also not getting too nonsensical about it (but also things being nonsensical CAN be really fun, don't be afraid to 'rule of cool' your way into a design you really like)

as for story writing... i wish i had tips but i'm really flying by the seat of my pants with it. my two main stories/worlds (comatelma and sumakha) are things i've had for multiple years now and i've just been rewriting parts whenever i come up with something or the old stuff no longer works. i know it's hard NOT to stress about being stuck, but if you keep trying to brute force your way out of that block, i think it'll just make you feel worse (speaking from experience). personally, inspiration hits me at the most random times in the most random places. i didn't work on sumakha for almost a year because i couldn't figure out how to redesign pemadae, and then someone in a server i'm in posted about raptor furries and suddenly everything clicked. so don't feel bad if you haven't had that 'click' moment yet, it'll come eventually (though i know it's frustrating to wait for LOL)

i guess that's all the tips i have, hopefully i answered your question well!

#ask #anonymous

[vinxwatches]

watching disenchantment season 1

the parts of it i have seen i remember thinking seemed pretty nice. i don't remember what it was, just that it seemed interesting. the artstyle, simpsons styles, isn't too appealing, but if it's good it'll survive a weak artstyle (it's not like the lower decks looked amazing. not bad but not amazing). lets have a look

netflix opening. yes it's a surprise. i pirate basically everything. no job no income, no income no subscriptions, that's my rule. also fuck big corporations. so far i've never been disapointed with their stuff, but in general i don't disappoint easily and it's not like i watched a lot of their stuff. still they are pretty good about lgbtq+ stuff which makes them one of the less shit companies.

ok yea no like 10 seconds in and i know i'll like the princess. i am, in fact, increadibly easy to please. ok yea no i love the vibe 3 min in. oh how i love some lawful evil. "take of those clothes and come down wearing something princesslike" are not safe words with someone who's confident and doesn't like you. ok, thei visual gags fucking rock. ... this is a lot of notes for less then 6 minutes in. this'll be a good one.

ok that gate is neat and something i may steal for my dnd game. a gate that's a gate into a different realm, damn, it's probably not something i can visually describe well enough to make work.

ok, that's more digs at religion then i'd expect from a show like this. i mean i love it but i can imagine a lot of people didn't.

punching your way trough a glass in lead windows? look elfs and demons i can suspend my disbelief with, but doing unrealistic things with real things is just more immersion breaking.

ok, racist antelope was not a one off joke, it was a two off joke. honestly amazing.

ending of the first episode was on the weaker side, and we don't even have a status quo yet. oh well. still a great episode. i hope they can keep the jokes going.

is mermaid song a genre? because i always really like it.

oh, is the status quo going to be trying to kill the guy and failing? if so i'd love it but i wouldn't guess it.

weak endings seem to be a trend, or at least happened both times now.

ok, you made me lol with a dad joke.

i love the jokes based in history. like yea lemons were probably rare in northern europe seen as they grow further south. sure trade did always exist, but fruit is hard to transport, but bringing them back after crusades? yea, makes sense. also that drug looks like ginger.

ok, the exorcist has some great animation jokes. an exorcist with good aftercare... i mean that does already make him better then most modern exorcists, even with the attempt to kill her to get the demon to leave her, that's nothing special.

yea ok that concludes it this show sucks at endings. the rest of the episode makes it worth it but damn do they suck.

not a fan of Elfo's useless "i want to be with her" thing. it's just creepy. like haha stuck in the friendzone, but no, if you follow someone around not because you can just want to back them that's just creepy.

ok, so this episode is really about that. now to see if it's a moment of change or to acknowledge a problem and yet try to return to the status quo. welp, i'm afraid it's the latter. yet somehow the strongest ending... doesn't mean a lot but maybe shit'll get better with time.

"how dare you bring logic into gods house" fucking love it. also i just noticed that episodes are named chapters, which is just neat. is season 2 named book 2?

i'd love it if she picked up witchcraft. don't expect it, would love it.

"i'm bad at everything" except swordfighting in the last episode, getting things organized, and cleaning up a multi murder scene with but 1 (serious) error.

ok, ep5 easily the strongest ending. not strong, but not weak. and yes now i'll be listing the quality of all endings. because i saw a glimmer of a pattern at the start and now i can't stop. because i'm normal like that /s

damn ep6 starts with a delightful tune on the violin.

ok, there seems to be growth in their relationship. i wonder if it'll stick. also endings continue getting better.

ok, fun twist, also man how do you think you're going to get out of this web of lies my guy? like i lie often, or at least used to, got less stuff to lie about nowdays, and lies need to stay small, believable and concentrated. if you're late for work you don't make up a story about family drama, you lie about local traffic that has no way of coming back up in a much later date and they have no reasonable way of knowing.

damn Tes is a lot of fun. hope we'll see her again.

damn how they re-use characters is really neat. making them deeper characters then they were.

"i'll play you a sad song on the words smallest lute" i mean funny... and googled it to make sure, and no the violin is post medieval period. nevermind then.

damn, not even half way trough season 1 and we seem to be near a finally. mid way big change?

main character death? i don't buy it. damn, i saw that twist coming. oh, did not see that choice coming. like it makes the most sense, but character never make that choice. it's always moving forward and returning to the status quo. they did the exact opposite and now i'm hooked.

damn, that title though (ep10). very happy opening, and then that end. "it took all season" i love such meta jokes.

oh damn, this was well planned out, the kingdown/city was designed for this. amazing. and damn that was foreshadowed

the shows title takes on such a massively different meaning. it started, in my mind, like "oh you think this story is enchanting? nah, we're the cynical joke show. this story is disenchanting" but oh no, it's something completely different.

the room they walk into is supposed to be creepy, with red-ish walls and darker and tall furniture... while i'm sitting in my room. with a black floor. 2 silver and 1 red wall, up to the ceiling black wardrobe, and i'm just thinking "oh that room looks nice". am i the villain? no, but i'm probably at least somewhat goth. including swears in regular phrases to seem ominous also doesn't do much when that's just how it talk too.

damn that's one hell of an episode, setting up where things are going to go while also moving the story a lot. i'm sure that wasn't the last we saw of those 3, probably 4 even.

ok, dealing with the problem of evil, and calling god out for the vileness that is inherit in the character growth excuse.

"emotional support demon" now who came up with it first? the click (the youtuber) or this show?

damn the infernal stronghold looks really cool. the book of people send to hell includes a lot of popes. nice.

not really a twist, it was really obvious, but still nice.

i love the chewing out of god. yes i'm easily pleased sue me.

what the fuck happened between ep 12 and 13? how is everyone alive again? the thing it had wrong was that it was the wrong episode as 13. the site works great, but it often has errors like this. i need to check that the episode is titled the same as the site says it's called.

oh, i like her new look and outlook.

it's a surprisingly good resolution with some more nice mysteries.

damn i really love ex queens exit. it's just so not standard and with a lot of depth to it. a lot of depth we never saw in her before but makes total sense with what we did know, and it's a really heart-warming breakup, something that needs to be normalized more.

neat interpretation of a classic mythological creature. and not a minute later we're taking the other half of those stories. but i really like what they did with it.

damn that's some cliffhanger. what's up with the damn musicbox?

also the 3d in this show stays surprisingly good. the blending between 2d and 3d is far from flawless, but it still allows them to do a lot of cool visual stuff.

and damn that reveal of ogre matters.

not a fan of the circus being thieves. not a good stereotype to continue. also not a fan of my suspicion that they'll double cross. and i was correct. old media or new they keep coming back to this.

do like the twist, but the stereotype is still bad.

cool underwater scene, but you'd both have drowned.

ok, going for a joke ending that made me lol. well done.

name the play "the king & me"? like the untrustworthy story? odd choice.

having to work trough emotional problems? great lesson, great to touch on. i'm also currently binging the show to escape my emotions so i fail to properly apricate it.

looks like a dragon, looks more like an airship.

don't get me wrong i love steampunk, but i prefer when the types of magic words stay separated. or if the steampunk world is dead dwemer style, that one also works.

OH. that's an ending and an half. of all the characters i could believe this would be the one as they can die having fulfilled their purposes in the plot.

talk about a witch-hunt. the kings last action? nope, the queens. fuck

i was thinking of doing the whole show in one post... lets not

#disenchantment #disenchantment season 1

[westernjaguar]

Behind Oblivion: Part I: Darling

Thanks for coming along with me on this journey through the songs of Oblivion!

Each week I will be featuring one song from the record and giving you a behind the scenes glance at how the song came to be. The first song we are going to look at is Darling... which, drumroll please... will be the feature track of my NEW MUSIC VIDEO dropping this Thursday, July 27!

Now, each time I do this I’m going to break into 2 sections. Music and Lyrics; just so if you have a particular interest in one over the other, you can skip to that section. Alright, lets dive in

MUSIC:

Here’s a first glance at the Logic Session I used to record this track. Though Davis completed the song in Ableton, this still shows a good understanding of what shaped the track.

Percussion:

Like much of the record, the drums in this song are stock Logic drums, but effected and slightly modified. This track the base sound was the “Bluebird + kit” and modifications were made from there. I really loved using these Logic drums and found they sounded pretty darn good all things considered. Davis was really the one that brought them to life in the mix.

Synths:

The main instrumental melody of the song is not 1 but 2 synth sounds stacked together but playing the same part. Most people have correctly identified the Glockenspiel sample. I was pulled in that direction because I have always loved the sound of a glock but never used it before. It lends itself well to the poppy, upbeat vibe of the track. However, on its own, it felt kinda thin and tinny. So, I added a Soft Synth layer in tandem with it just to add a little more sustain and body. Again, just a Logic stock sound with some slight modifications to attack, release, decay and sustain.

Guitars:

The primary guitar in the track is actually the bass, I played this line on my Fender Precision bass. I really wanted that to be the ground for the track and the driving force behind everything that was happening. It is vital to the finished project.

For the electric and acoustic parts, this was actually one of the most restrained songs ever for me in that area. There is just a doubled up electric guitar line that is played on my Fender Jaguar to add some jangle but it is very subtle in the mix.

The other element is an acoustic guitar layer which really is only heard in the first parts of the choruses where the drums are stripped away. This acoustic in my Logic session was actually not used, and was re-recorded when Davis was doing the mix. It was played on my Taylor 110e.

Vocals:

Vocals and overdubs were recorded with Davis in his studio. The track in this file was just a reference. We recorded these vocals with an Antelope EDGE microphone and really leaned into the autotune to give it that polished, pop feel.

LYRICS:

Lyrically, Darling is pretty straightforward. It’s a love musical letter. This love letter is particularly directed at my wife. She has been my rock and I wanted to write something for her to celebrate our wedding and commitment towards a life together. I honestly didn’t know if I could do it (like lets be real, all my songs are usually super depressing lyrically) but it really wasn’t too difficult to craft. It came together quick and easy. I guess having the right motivation and subject matter makes all the difference.

...

So ya, that's the story of Darling... Leave a comment and let me know what track I should dive into next. 

WJF

JCT

[too-scared-to-do-this]

'Human and the animal' - another one of my Zoom-art-class themes.

(There is thirty of us. And everybody else drew a human and one single animal next to it. And I created this monster XD )

#art #human and the animal #body-horror #anymals #bear #wolf #something that is supposed to be a deer XD #I guess it looks more like an antelope honestly... #eagle #human #what else should i tag?

[versegm]

The first thing you’re aware of is fire.

The fever rakes your body like boiling oil in your veins. The ground feels freezing cold beneath you compared to the summer locked in your lungs. You exhale, and your breath almost burns your lips.

You open your eyes.

“... Ah. I got lost again, didn’t I?”

The night sky greets you, pitch black pierced by a thousand stars. None of the constellations you see are familiar. Striking by its size and color, a blue planet stands among them.

You’re back on the Moon. Where all lost and forgotten things lay.

You sit up. Your limbs are trembling. It doesn’t hurt, though. You suspect that you might be dreaming- as much as servants dream, obviously. It’s harder to feel pain when one doesn’t have a body.

Your chest burns. Your everything burns. It’s a familiar fire, something you know you’ve encountered in the past. But when you blink, all you can picture is smoke, with no additional context. You cannot remember.

“Okay, so.” There’s no one here for you to talk to, of course. But talking out loud helps you keep track of your thoughts. Better track than when you keep quiet, if anything. “What’s the last thing I was doing?”

You look down. You’re wearing your usual armor. You flex your hands. They’re empty.

“I think I was hanging a light string. I was up a ladder. Siegfried was telling me to be careful.” You tilt your head. “So I was in Chaldea. And we had a reason to celebrate. Perhaps a birthday?” … No, you don’t think that was it. “A holiday, then?”

Ah! There! You clap your hands. “Christmas! It was for Christmas!” You love Christmas! Much lights! Much noise! It’s great! It’s like the world aligns with the inside of your head for a week.

“So I was hanging light strings for Christmas with Siegfried, and then I…” You pause. Frown. “I…”

…

You draw a blank there.

Huh. Well, no need to cry over it. You’ll remember in time. You usually do. In the meantime, you should probably get going. You’ve never shaken your memory up by sitting around.

You get up and start walking. Your legs are trembling. You feel weak. You feel hot. You walk past the prayers and wishes sent by sinners to God, past the ancient glory of the Assyrians, past the favors princes gift their subjects. You are so small, among these mountains of unrecorded history and unsated desires. They’ve only grown bigger since the last time you’ve come.

You reach the river. It’s unchanged. It is, after all, one of the few things even magic can’t alter easily.

The antelope, though, is new.

“Hi there!” You wave. Small. Short fur. Brown body, a black stripe on the flanks. White belly. White face. Two black stripes down its eyes like tears. It’s a springbok. (Or rather, it appears to be a springbok. On the Moon, more literally than on Earth, nothing is as it looks like. You wonder if you look like a human to others, here. Maybe you’re actually a bird, or a gust of wind. Reckless and free.)

The animal startles, turning her head towards you with fright- but she does not back away. She stares. You stare.

Slowly, she bows her head.

You do the same. It’s only polite. “So, are you lost too? I don’t remember how I got there. I think the underworld sickness sent me here, but honestly, I’m kinda guessing randomly here.”

Oh! The underworld! That’s right! That was the last time you felt this heat, when you wandered into Hell. You didn’t need a coat for the next few winters after that.

The springbok, being a springbok, doesn’t answer. She does, however, lowers her head, and tries to push something with her nose. Square. Thick. A clay tablet.

You get closer and pick it up. It’s a lot heavier than it looks. Perhaps your illness is making you weaker, but you have an inkling as to what that tablet is. If you’re right, that’d explain why it weights so much.

You flip the tablet. There is something carved on the other side. The alphabet is too old for you to know it. You can’t read it, but you know what it is.

“You know, last time, I met an old man here.” You say. You wonder if the springbok can actually understand you. “He was carrying stone tablets like these. The names of the recently deceased. Their name, and history, and identity, and everything. He carried them here, and threw them in the river. And then he went to pick up more tablets, and do it again.”

The antelope pokes your leg with her snout. You think she wants her tablet back. You ignore her and turn towards the water.

“Do you know what this is? It's the flow of time. The literal flow of time. When a name falls in there, it erodes. Becomes smoother. Until it’s not readable anymore. Until no one remembers that person anymore.” You smile. “That’s what I was told, anyway. I’m afraid my guide is long dead, too.”

The springbok makes a noise you could almost interpret as frustrated. You run your fingers over the writing on the tablet. “Is this your name?” Quite a life she must have led! For it to be so heavy. Did she burn bright, or did she burn long? You wish you could have a proper conversation with her, now. That sounds so interesting!

The gazelle is growing even more agitated now. She’s biting at your pant legs, pulling. She’s surprisingly strong. Still, you stand your ground. “If you’re not lost. Did you come here on purpose? Did you come here to be forgotten?”

The springbok lets go of you. For a few seconds, she doesn’t move. Your heart sinks.

Then she kicks you.

You stumble forward. You manage to catch yourself on your hands before your face hits the ground. But the tablet slips out of your grasp. It slips, and it rolls, and-

“No!”

You throw yourself on the river bank and plunge your arms into the water up to the elbow,                               tablet.                 deep                                  catch   .                                                      water                                                 pull         .

           ground         back,                                               .       springbok              ,      instead of                                as you feared,                with concern.

“Hold on. My thoughts are. All over the place.”                 .  “I’m missing. Bits. I need to talk. I can keep it straight if I keep talking.”

The springbok           concerned noise       pokes your       with its soft        . You would            her, but        arms feel like      .

You peer down.

Oh.

Your arms are missing      . It’s. Not          good to look at. Raw         exposed without        to protect it. It’s a good thing        is a dream. This would be        to heal in real       , not to mention         painful.

“Sorry. Sorry. Couldn’t let you do that.” The tablet      heavy in your arms. “Someone still remembers you, right? It’s not fair of you to force the wheels of time to speed up just for you. They should get to mourn you properly! You can’t just take it away from them. That’s rude. And painful. And, honestly, this wouldn’t even work well. Take it from an expert at forgetting things! One may not always remember people or names, but feelings are forever. If there’s still someone out there preventing you from being forgotten, removing your name from history won’t take away their grief.”

You wonder        expression the gazelle is making. Your sight is getting blurry. Note to self, don’t play          with time! It messes you up real bad! Real bad! Don’t do it.

“Anyway. No more of that. Let yourself get forgotten normally, like the rest of us. No cheating.” You close your eyes. “Or get remembered, and live with it. Whichever is your lot.”

You feel sleepy. You feel tired.

You feel a little less hot.

“Sorry. I guess that’s what I was brought there to do? Or maybe time’s just up for this particular dream.” You chuckle. “I mean it, though. No more of that, alright? Else I’ll have to come back again! I’ll get lost as many times as it takes to lend you a hand.”

You feel soft fur on your cheek.

You fall asleep.

You wake up in Chaldea.

You feel restless and warm. A plague struck Chaldea, you’re told. But it’s okay. The master dealt with it already. We can go back to Christmas. We can go back to celebrating.

Your forearms itch.There’s moondust all over your skin.

You can’t remember what you did.

You shrug. Hopefully, it was something good. Most likely, you were the sole witness of your actions, so you suppose it doesn’t really matter.

You head towards the cafeteria. You heard the master brought a couple more servants back from this whole adventure. You wonder who is this year’s Santa! Oh, maybe Cu Alter? He seems to be the only alter who didn’t-

You freeze in the doorway.

Blonde hair. Humanoid. Very obviously divine. Nothing about this stranger is even remotely reminiscent of antelopes. Yet, for a second, barely a blink- you see a springbok standing there.

Her skin is glistening with moondust, too.

Oh, my.

#fate #fate grand order #fgo #astolfo #ereshkigal #merry christmas in the underworld #my writing #memory loss tw #to be safe

[dailybeastarsthings]

Chapter 7 - Lunch Date With My Victim 7.2. The Beginning Of A Bittersweet Friendship

‘Ah, finally!’ Kibi thought after slamming the door at Legoshi’s face, leaving him behind to get the roses for the Drama Club’s New Student Welcome Event. ‘I want to be as far from her as possible…’

As he was walking down the stairs, Kibi was thinking about the chat earlier that day between him and his two friends, Oryx, an antelope student, and Makoto, Mizuchi’s boyfriend.

‘Hey, Makoto, you’ve got some white fur on you’ Oryx said.

‘Really!? Where?’ Makoto asked.

‘Right here on your vest… and some here, too’ Oryx replied while taking small strings of fur off of the other’s vest.

‘Oh well… you see… the thing is… I had a date with this really cute dwarf rabbit’ Makoto said while giggling. He was kind of embarrassed after being caught red-handed, but he was still proud. Typical male behavior.

‘What?’ Kibi yelled in frustration. ‘Don’t you have a girlfriend?’

‘Yeah… So tell me, how are you the “best rare species couple” again?’ Oryx added.

‘You’re only saying that because you don’t know her! She’s really cute and she’s fun to talk to. She’s super refreshing and really sexy, too!’ Makoto replied to the attacks.

‘Now hold on a minute…’ Oryx said with a mysterious look on his face. ‘Is she in the Gardening Club?’

‘Well… I think so.’

‘Her body is pure white. Not a single stripe or mark.’

‘Umm… How do you know this?’ Makoto’s frustration started to grow.

‘She has a bad sleeping posture and when she’s done she makes sure to clean up the room before getting out.’

‘WHAT!? Did you sleep with her, too?’ Makoto felt his heart sink. He thought that he could finally find someone to spend quality time with just to get his hopes trampled on by someone else. And maybe not just one candidate…

‘Wow, so that makes sense. I bet she doesn’t care whether her targets are single or taken…’

‘You mean… she’s using other males as fodder, too? No wonder she seemed so experienced…’

The topic of the conversation made Kibi uncomfortable. He believed that such private matters are not to be discussed with others, even if those others are friends or family. He just wanted to leave but Oryx’s description of the rabbit girl stuck with him…

‘Fodder? Come on, she’s just a bunny’ he said.

‘Nope. That’s a good word. Once she catches you, she’ll swallow you whole and spit your bones out. You better watch yourself. Females like her are more savage than any carnivore could ever be.’

Those words resonated in Kibi’s head for a long time.

‘Well… I don’t think she’ll do any of that to a wolf. Especially not Legoshi…’ And with that, Kibi left the Gardening Club behind for good.

***

The cafeteria was packed with animals of all sizes. During afternoon hours, the cafeteria served as gathering and meeting point for students, enjoying cakes, coffee and other desserts, which were served. These items were not part of the daily menu but they were always available.

As Legoshi and Haru were standing in the line, they felt the many looks on them from others. It made them feel quite uncomfortable. They didn’t say a word to each other or others. The silence was almost deafening. It was Haru, who finally began to break down the wall between them.

‘So, what are you getting? Personally, I was thinking about getting a raspberry shake with some sweet berry and yogurt parfait.’ she said.

Legoshi looked at her kind of awkwardly. He felt uncomfortable by the looks around him. He didn’t quite know how to answer such a question. What should he ask for? Something he would like or something more preferable by herbivores to avoid scaring her? He looked at the menu again and carefully read it through.

‘What should I get? Cherry pies are too sticky for me and I’d just make a mess of myself… I don’t really like parfaits… Coffee makes my breath smell bad… Caramel-apple pies are too sweet… Key lime pies are kinda good, but this kitchen lady always burns the bottom of it… wait… They have egg sandwiches! Jackpot! And perhaps a glass of red berry juice!’

‘So?’ Haru asked with a curious look on her face, trying to figure out the thoughts of the wolf, who both seemed confused and annoyed at the same time.

‘Oh, sorry!’ Legoshi replied. ‘I totally zoned out. But I think I’ll get an egg sandwich and a glass of red berry juice. I hope me eating an egg sandwich in front of you isn’t offensive or anything to you.’

‘Don’t worry about that, I don’t mind carnivores eating foods like that. Plus, you need eggs for cakes and such, so…’ Haru said.

When it was their turn, Haru asked for their meals. The kitchen lady served them without a word but even she couldn’t help herself and send a judging look towards them.

‘I guess it’s unusual for others to see a large carnivore and a small herbivore having snacks together?’ Legoshi thought. They searched for a seat and then finally sat down near one of the giant oaks in the hall. With each passing student, they were disgusted expressions, or being gossiped about. It started to become frustrating for both of them…

‘Why don’t we get to know each other a little better to deter our minds from what others might be thinking about this whole situation of us eating together?’ Haru suggested.

‘That would be amazing’ Legoshi replied. He felt kind of nervous though. He had no idea how to have a proper conversation with others.

‘Awesome, you go first!’ Haru said.

Legoshi took a deep breath and began.

‘My name is Legoshi. I’m a grey wolf, as you can see, and I’m a second year student. I’m a stagehand in the Drama Club. I like…’

‘Wait!’ Haru interrupted. ‘This is not some sort of job interview or speed dating, take your time and don’t just throw information at me. Why don’t we take turns?’

‘What do you mean?’

‘Let me make an example. I’m Haru. I’m a third year Netherland dwarf rabbit and I’m the only member of the Gardening Club. I like taking care of plants and listening to music. What do you enjoy doing in your free time?’

‘Well… I don’t really know to be honest. I like bugs and reading weather reports. I’m really happy when they report about the possibility of rain.’

‘I see. And what do you like about insects?’

‘That they can’t hurt me like others. Most of them seem to like me because I’m trying to be as gentle to them as possible.’

‘I understand you. Sometimes others just hurt you or spread rumors about you just because you’re different from them.’

‘What kind of rumors are they spreading about you?’

‘It always changes. Gossip spreads among small animals like wildfires. But it doesn’t really bother me anymore. The latest is that I prey on male students to spend my nights with. I guess that’s a pretty good explanation as to why others are looking at us like that.’

‘I’m sorry about that. I can just go if this makes you uncomfortable…’

‘You don’t have to. I don’t care what they think about me. But enough of that. What do you do as a stage hand?’

‘Well, I take care of the lights and help out the costumes department. I also run errands the leaders ask me to do, like getting supplies, asking for help and such. I also do the cleaning most of the time since wolves’ vision is pretty good in the dark, so we can save money on the electric bill.’

‘That’s awesome. How does your night vision work? I’m usually blind in the dark.’

‘Well, I mostly see stuff as I see them in the light but they are a bit darker in color. I think that’s the easiest way to describe it.’

The conversation went on for a good few hours. Legoshi and Haru ended up having dinner together, too. They talked about school issues, common interests, likes and dislikes. They enjoyed their time together with quite a lot of laughing included. It was almost 8 pm when they realized how much they kept talking.

‘Goodness, look at the time!’ Haru said. ‘I honestly can’t remember when was the last time, I enjoyed myself with someone this much.’

‘Me too. It was nice getting to know you. But I have to run now. I have some homework to take care of. See you around’ Legoshi said while waving goodbye.

‘Bye, Legoshi’ Haru said with a smile. After a long time, she felt like she met a genuinely nice character. ‘There is still some good in this world. Don’t lose your light, Legoshi.’ she thought.

As Legoshi was leaving the cafeteria, he bumped into Kibi. He was still kind of frustrated after he used his excuse against him but he still felt a bit thankful so he could at least have a nice afternoon.

‘Hey, Legoshi!’ Kibi said. ‘I’m sorry I left you there. I was waiting for you to come back.’

‘Kibi… Why did you leave me there?’ Legoshi replied.

‘Before that, did anything happen?’

‘No, not really.’

‘Really? That’s good. So… The reason I was running down the stairs four steps at a time was because I was afraid of running into trouble.’

‘Well, there wasn’t any trouble, so what were you afraid of?’

‘Well, there’s this bunny who’s pretty famous around the herbivores. Apparently, she seduced many males and she’s really dangerous to be around… Basically, she’s a slut’ Kibi sighed. ‘Hard to believe, right? She looks so quiet, too… But hey, she wouldn’t try to make a move on a wolf, right? Did she say anything to you?’

Legoshi couldn’t believe what he just heard from Kibi. His words tasted like lead and were just as toxic. He couldn’t believe others would spread such rumors just because of someone being different. After a moment of thinking, he answered.

‘She did. She told me that she really cares about her flowers… She treats them like her own children. I want to talk to the stage crew to suggest getting the flowers from some place else. I think she has some issues, but she is a nice girl if you get to know her a little more. But I have to go now. Bye!’

With that, Legoshi left Kibi behind, who just couldn’t quite process Legoshi’s words. He couldn’t believe how mature he acted despite his young age. He stared after him as the wolf was slownly disappearing in the crowd.

#beastars #beastars fanfiction

[trashbinbackyard]

basics and environment for gilly and ipes

gals... one wholesome, one not so much

Basics:

1. What is their gender?

Female

Female

2. What is their sexuality?

Panromantic demisexual

Bisexual demiromantic

3. What is the meaning behind their name? Do they have any nicknames?

Gesiye Ikande, goes by Gilly a lot. Gesiye means genuine in Ijaw (ethnic group in Nigeria)

Her real name is Nayla Hahn Nayla being Arabic origin and Hahn Korean (her moms’ backgrounds) Though at this point no one knows her real name as she goes by Ipes which is a different spelling for a demon Ipos

4. Do they have any siblings? How many? Are they older or younger?  Which sibling are they the closest with?

She has two younger sisters. She’s pretty close with both of them, but they live on earth so she sees them rarely

No siblings

5. What’s their relationship with their parents like? What about other relatives?

She loves them but being the oldest sister she also kinda fell into that third parent role. She has a pretty big family as her parents also have multiple siblings, they spend holidays all together

She got emancipated at the age of 15 due to her parents not being able to care for her and she refused to enter any kind of foster system. She hasn’t talked to them since, assumes they’re dead

6. What would they give their life for?

Her family for sure

Honestly, nothing. No one comes even near being worth dying for. Neither is her business. If it ever came to it, she’d rather rot in prison than die for it

7. Are they in a romantic relationship? With who? How did they meet?

Mallory, met her at work. She wanted to wait to become more than just an investigator intern before starting anything but she’s smart and now she’s a fully fledged investigator

No, she has a strict no dating or banging your employees policy and since all the people she has respect for so far are her employees, there’s no one available. Also, she thinks pretty highly of herself so it’s gonna take work for someone be on the level she sees appropriate. (i myself am kinda curious where tf she and kenjiro are gonna end up) 

8. What do they believe will happen to them after they die? Does this belief scare them?

She’s not religious, but does believe in some sort of good/bad place, she doesn’t really let it control her life and she tries to be good for the sake of being good (also, being mean is not nice)

No. And since she doesn’t fear life after death she feels free to do whatever the hell she likes

9. What is their favorite color? Favorite animal?

Purple. Any type of antelope, she thinks they’re neat

Black, surprise, but also really likes neon lights (you can guess what type of lights there are in her club). She likes snakes, especially black mambas

10. What are some of their talents/skills?

She’s very resourceful, quick thinking and good writer (of reports at least)

She knows how to read and push people, very conniving, and a great actor

11. If they could make a mark on history, what would they like it to be?

Idk, she’s just happy to be here

Woman has a drug empire right under law enforcement’s noses

12. How old are they? When is their birthday?

24-29 depending if time is pre-mallory vs relationship

35 (and both for them i really hate coming up with specific dates)

13. What do they do for fun?

Read, swim, enjoy coffee, cuddle with Mallory, watch animal videos

Gamble (she’s cheating), drink, have long ass baths, patrolling her club is work but she enjoys that part of her work a lot

14. What is their favorite food? How often do they get to eat it?

Something very spicy, veggies, she’s not a huge meat-eater

Due to her past drug abuse, most foods make her nauseous, so her fave is something light like fish

15. What was something their parents taught them?

Be kind and respectful, know your worth and do the dishes

Everyone is own their own

16. Are they religious?

No, spiritual, kinda

No

17. Where were they born?

Nigeria

Outer rim

18. What languages can they speak? Where did they learn these languages?

English and trade

Trade, whatever is the second biggest language on outer rim

19. What is their occupation?

Private investigator

Night club owner (that’s the side hustle to her drug business)

20. Do they have any titles? How did they earn them?

P.I, lots of school and getting a good internship

Word on the street is that she runs the biggest drug ring this side of rim, not officially though. Hard work and lots of blackmailing

Environment:

61. Which season is their favorite season?

Spring, lots of green, but not yet unbearably hot

Whenever her money comes in

62. Have they ever been betrayed? How did it affect their ability to trust others?

No, doubt she ever will, the bounty hunter (at least the citadel ones) are good people

Since birth honestly, whatever trust she had for her parents wilted away and now she won’t trust anyone unless they’ve proven themselves time and time again

63. What is always guaranteed to make them smile?

Animals, friends, the outdoors, she’s simple, just living the good life

Money, getting what she wants

64. Do they get cold easily? Do they get overheated easily?

She get cold more easily than too hot

Thanks to her metal leg all drastic changes in temperature are felt almost immediately

65. What’s their immune system like? Do they get sick often? How do they react to getting sick?

She’s got a pretty strong immune system. Doesn’t get sick that much

It’s pretty weak. She often gets flu when it’s the season

66. Where do they live? Do they like it there?

She lives in the citadel, has nice apartment there, she likes it lot

She has carved herself a place on the outer rim, it wasn’t exactly her dream but at this point there’s no place she’d rather be, has multiple apartments scattered around but her main one is on the top floor of her nightclub

67. Is their bedroom messy? What about their bathroom? Kitchen? Living room?

It’s somewhat messy, coffee cups and plates here and there, papers and journals scattered about, the whole house is like that

It’s super neat, she looks after herself. Her suite doesn’t even have a kitchen because she gets her food from the club kitchen

68. How did their environment growing up affect their personality?

Her parents influenced her a lot, she turned out good

Coming from two addicts, becoming one herself and generally being distrustful... 

69. How did the people in their environment growing up affect their personality?

Wait i thought the previous one was the same question abbgöreghaeh

70. How do they feel about animals? Do they have any pets?

Love them! No time for one tho, if she had it’s be a cat

On that note.. I think she has a pet snake in her suite, its got a huge terrarium for it

71. How are they with children? Do they have any? Do they want any?

Love them, she’s good with them, she’s definitely the fun big cousin for her small relatives. Doesn’t have any but might want one? She feels she’s too young still

She doesn’t hate them but would rather no kids see her, ever. Doesn’t have any, doesn’t want any

72.  Would they rather have stability or comfort?

i mean.... with stability comes comfort. But she’d choose comfort

Stability, life is already one big uncomfort for her to begin with

73. Do they prefer the indoors or outdoors?

Outdoors

Indoors

74. What weather is their favorite? Do they like storms?

Sunny for sure, storms are nice when you’re inside and in a secure place

Loves rain and storms, they also make ppl gather inside more

75. If given a blank piece of paper, a pencil, and nothing to do, what would happen?

She’d doodle, they’re not great but i’m Mallory would love whatever she’d draw

If something, she’d draw a middle finger for investigators to find

76. How organized are they?

She keeps her work very neat and packed, everything else, not so much

Very much so, everything is neat and organized and hidden away, that’s key to getting away with doing what she does

77. What is their most prized possession?

Her badge, or a stuffed animal from her home

A single memory card contains mountains of excel sheets, it’s either always on the move and hidden or locked away, never in the same place for longer than a week

78. Who do they consider to be their best friend?

Mallory, she’s sappy like that

Juicebox comes the closest

79. What is their economic situation?

She’s comfortable, not super rich but not going from paycheck to paycheck either

Oh she’s loaded

80. Are they a morning person or a night owl?

Night owl

All the best stuff happens at night in her opinion

#my mom called in the middle of writing this and that took extra 20 mins safohghaeuhb #ipes has a pet snake and it's only slightly disturbing when she feeds it live mice #though from what i know snakes dont need to eat that much they can go for long without a big meal #it's a spoiled little noodle for sure

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #281

“is there a method to your madness, is it all about pride? ‘cuz everyone i know, they’ve got a demon inside.”

Has anyone ever told you that you looked like a celebrity? No, just a video game character and an animated movie girl when I had black hair. What color is the pillowcase(s) on your bed? Brown. Do you have a favorite day of the week? Tuesday because it’s reset day in WoW and as a mount farmer, that means I get to try my raids for the week again to continue to be denied. :’) Have you ever been in an art show? An art show, I don’t think so. I’ve had two or three things in an art museum, though. Would you consider yourself to be well-exposed to life or sheltered? I’m pretty split down the middle, I’d say. I’ve seen far more emotional pain than I think most young adults have, but at the same time, I’ve very under-exposed to adult experiences. How high is your pain tolerance? It depends on the type of pain. I can particularly say I do NOT handle stomach pains well, though. Have you ever played the game Halo? Nah, those weren’t my type. Have you ever had to learn lines for a play/skit/movie? Only songs sung together for plays in elementary school. Never solo. Do you like your nose? … Sure? Kissing someone with facial hair, do you mind? I don’t care. Would you ever like to be a stunt person? I’m fucking dumb, I read this and thought “you mean little people?” until I read the last person’s answer lmaooo. Anyway, no. I’m not ballsy enough for that shit. Are you a pyromaniac? I find fire pretty, but it still can scare me if I’m too close to it. Are you one of those people who listen to songs on repeat? 110%, it’s literally what I’m doing now lmao. Can any of your friends sing very well? SARA. Would you ever enter any kind of pageant? No, no, no, no. I really don’t support pageants of any type I can think of, beauty in particular. What a way to scream “HEY THEY’RE BETTER THAN YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!”, again, especially in beauty pageants. That fucks people up. What a way to start things like self-loathing, eating disorders, body dysphoria, etc. Do you have piano fingers? Mom has always told me that, “like Grammy.” Have you ever slept on a beach? YIKES, no. I ain’t fuckin’ with the tides going in and out or just a massive wave. I’d also feel WAY too vulnerable. Would you like to be taller? I’m cool with my current height. Are you a fan of piercings on the opposite sex? I just like piercings in general. Have you ever been attacked by an animal? No, besides play getting too rough. Is there a movie that makes you cry every single time you watch it? It’s easy to do that lol. The Notebook in particular will 100% make me tear up. What's your opinion on Johnny Depp? He’s an incredibly talented actor that I find very attractive, but I don’t know him as a person. Can you speak in different accents? Just British and southern. Who was the last person you mocked/mimicked? My nephew, playfully of course. If you write, isn't writer's block the most horrible thing? THE ABSOLUTE WORST. What size shirt do you normally wear? Ugggghhh generally 2XL, I think. It can be one size smaller or one size larger depending on the shirt. Has anyone ever aimed a gun at you? Yikes, no. Have you ever written a song? Just poems. Do you believe there is life on other planets? It’s possible, but I don’t particularly lean a certain way, I think. The universe is just… infinite, you know? But also the circumstances that life rose within Earth were so remarkably perfect to support it that I don’t entirely know if it’s been duplicated elsewhere. When was the last time you fell? Around two weeks ago? I have extremely low blood pressure naturally but also amplified by medications’ side effects, and I got out of bed too fast when I woke up. Hurt my knees pretty bad and barely missed my head hitting the couch. Do you have any sort of debt? I do NOT want to think about this. Is there a specific time period that interests you? The era of dinosaurs of course, as well as the Renaissance, just to name a couple. Do any of your friends own an expensive car? *shrugs* Have you ever been on a train? No. Have you ever been in a parade? No. Are you, or anyone you know, an atheist? I know plenty. Have you ever sent a celebrity fan mail? No. Have you ever been in a musical? No. Is there a friend's family that makes you feel like you're family too? Yeah, Sara’s. Even though I’ve only been with them not that long of a time, they’re wonderful and made me feel so welcome. Do you ever have a fear of getting close to new people? Boy, do I!!!!! It’s funny though, because at the same time, I want to be close with people; I want to rush to the point I have a close friend. It’s weird. What is the worst things about work? N/A And the best? N/A Do you like to sleep in? Not really, honestly. I feel groggy and lazier than I naturally am lmao. Do you like to be an early bird? Well I’m in my best mood in the morning, but I don’t like waking up early. However, I’ve been planning a morning routine to adopt once we move that involves waking up at like 7 or so, so we’ll see how much I enjoy mornings then. But oh boy do I have a habit of saying I’ll do something and then not doing it, so… What is something you notice you just don't watch? History stuff and usually action. Last thing that bothered you even if just a little bit? Something Miss Tobey said to me a few days ago. Last thing that seemed a blessing from above? I don’t believe in supernatural “blessings,” but I’ll bite. The thing that made me happiest recently was uhhhh… I actually don’t know. Nothing that REALLY felt “blessing-ish.” Do you usually drink diet or regular soda? Regular; I can’t do diet. It tends to taste horrible but more importantly the artificial sweetener gives me a wicked headache. Are you on a diet? Not a diet, no. I’m more so just trying to make it a habit to simply eat better and not snack. Someone you highly respect who is not in your family? Sara’s dad. Did you say 'goodnight' to anyone last night? I don’t think I did. Does anyone ever comment on the appearance of your handwriting? People tend to point out it’s really nice. Have you looked at anyone's Facebook profile lately? Whose? Nah. Did you have a cake for your last birthday? What kind? Yeah, red velvet. Can you recall the first horror film you ever watched? How old were you? I actually don’t think I can. Maybe Paranormal Activity? Or The Blair Witch Project? When’s the last time that you mailed a letter or a package to someone, and who was it to? Sara’s bday gift I think. The last book that you checked out from the library? I haven’t done that in years. What was your pet’s last vet visit concerning? Roman got neutered, and the only time I took Venus to the vet was when I first got her and she refused food for almost a year. Changed the tactic of warming the mouse up and she was more than happy to snag it. Which animals do you tend to go check out first at the pet store? The reptiles, because they’re closest and also my favorite section. Last medication or item that you picked out from the drugstore? Nicole picked up a bunch of my prescriptions that needed refilling. Do you usually have a big list or a small list when you go to the grocery store? I don’t do the shopping here, so it’s not my choice. How much was the last check you deposited? How about the last amount that you took out? I have no clue. Have you ever been admitted into the emergency room? For what? Being suicidal and then a suicide attempt. Have you ever been arrested before? Ridden in the back of a police car? No to the first, but yes to the second because that’s just how you’re transported from the ER to the psych hospital here. Have you ever been a victim of a house fire? Thank God no. When did you graduate high school? 2014. How much gas can fit in your gas tank? N/A Does your vehicle break down a lot? N/A What’s the longest you’ve ever had to wait before being seated at a sit-down restaurant? I want to say at LEAST 45 minutes once. Can’t remember why it was so busy, though. Have you ever had a cavity before? How about a root canal? A tooth pulled? Braces? I’ve had cavities and braces, but thank Christ no root canals, and I’ve never had to have a tooth pulled by the dentist, either. Which art forms do you appreciate the most? Man, you can’t ask this to someone who enjoys art so deeply. Like I really don’t know what I enjoy *most*. Music can give me chills, poetry can be so rich and, well, poetic, and traditional artwork strikes awe and makes you wonder how they do it. I just adore art. What is your favorite zoo animal that you would like to set free? To start, I have very mixed feelings about zoos, but I guess I am *mostly* in favor of humane, adequately providing captivity to a certain degree as this allows for conservation of especially endangered species, and zoos also make it easier to study and understand the silent voices of those we share the earth with. As well, they offer a safe environment to expose the fearful to all sorts of animals, and I feel it is very, very important for humans as the alpha species to care for and understand (as best our language barriers allow) our wonderful neighbors. That being said, I definitely believe that a lot of zoos under-provide for their animals, and this is horribly heartbreaking so that I absolutely disagree with their “right” to own and display animals, but for this specific question, I am going to use my state’s zoo as the standard here. Ashboro, imo is pretty damn great and generous to their animals (you should see the miles of land the elephants, bison, antelope, and rhinos have!), but the exhibit that comes to mind first when mentioning animals I’d like to set free iiiis… you know, I don’t know. I was going to say the polar bears since it can get STUPID hot here in the summer and their abode doesn’t have a great amount of ice that survives the sun, but at the same time I’d be very wary about returning a polar bear home for… obvious reasons. I say “I don’t know” because I’m not gonna pretend to know what ample space is for so many different kinds of animals. Damn, now I really wanna go there. Wow this was a long answer to a p simple question lmao. Favorite kind of fish? I don’t have a distinctly “favorite” fish, really. I don’t know enough of ‘em, but I can say I really like clownfish and angelfish. What kinds of museum artifacts fascinate you? Whew, as someone who took Art History just last year in school, ancient art pieces of all sorts! It is so, so fascinating, watching the evolution of art and to see how the urge to just create extends so, so far back into history. Have you ever gone to court before? For a disability case, yes. Also to convince a judge that I didn’t need to stay in a mental hospital for I think the original plan was around six months. What is the last song that you danced to? Ha ha I watching Hotel Transylvania with my niece and nephew and did the macarena with ‘em. What’s your favorite alcoholic drink? Margaritas or sangrias. Is there anyone that you’ve visited in jail? No. Are you more likely to fly in an airplane, or pick people up/drop them off at the airport? Historically, pick people up. Which sporting event would you be most likely to sit through? Dance competitions. Favorite flavor of ice cream? Cone or dish? Any sprinkles? My favorite Basic Bitch flavor is vanilla, just with chocolate syrup. Cone or dish just depends on what I’m feelin’, really. I hate sprinkles on anything; the texture throws me off. Have you ever cut your own hair? No. What do you eat most frequently? Uggghhhh some form of bread, probably. Are you a fan of video games? Yeah, but not as much as I used to be. What's your favorite color combination? Idk really, I like a lot. I will say though that orange and black excites me bc Halloween Vibes. Did you share a locker at school? No. What's one sport you could never play? Wrestling, ew. Have you ever sung karaoke? Oh god no. What is the oldest age you think should wear makeup? lmao BRO tell me this a joke How old were you when you went on your first date? Idr, sometime in the 7th grade, if group dates in middle school even count? lol Has anyone besides your family seen you naked? Yeah. If so, who? An ex and probably doctors at some point? Did your parents sign you up for anything you hated as a child? Sunday school, really. Have you purchased any cool objects from a foreign country? Considering I’ve never left the country, no. Are you on a laptop or a desktop computer right now? I only have a laptop. Do you remember anyone's number by heart? No, but I seriously need to memorize my mom’s. Do you live above, below, or on the Equator? Above. Do you know how to use Photoshop? I know how to do a decent number of things, but I’m definitely no expert. Where was your first job? I was a sales associate at GameStop. What's the best place you have ever eaten? Olive Garden is fucking fantastic, fite me about it. Do you own a hair straightener? No, I don’t need one. Are you barefoot right now? I always am at home unless it’s cold enough to need slippers. Are you subscribed to any magazine? Nah. Do you need AC right now? No; it’s actually pretty cold inside rn. Do more people call you by a nickname or your first name? It’s just a derivative of my first name; “Britt.” But I guess that classifies as a nickname. Name something you're proud of. Deciding to actually *try* to move on and making massive progress through it with That Person. Lately I’ve wondered if I truly have, though. My PTSD has been really bad of the late. Does any accent annoy you? I can’t say it “annoys” me, given you can’t really control your accent, but I do find it difficult to understand extremely southern accents, even as a local. Do you take vitamins? This just reminded me I’ve been out of my Vitamin D prescription for a while… oops. I’m supposed to take it for my legs. When was the last time you took aspirin or some other pain reliever? Yesterday, actually. I had a pretty bad headache. When was the last time you deeply regretted something? God, last night, I was remembering and accepting some things. Lemme just say I regret the everloving fuck out of the subject. What is something that you regularly wear that makes you stand out? Besides my lip ring, nothing in particular. Do you prefer small birthday parties or big ones? Small. I just don’t like big gatherings in general. What song are you listening to now? “Creatures X: To The Grave” by Motionless In White. What was the most traumatic experience of your life? The breakup w/ Jason. I’ve told the story enough in surveys and I don’t wanna recite it again. Who was your childhood best friend? Brianna. Are you still friends now? On Facebook, anyway, but we don’t talk. If not, why? We just drifted apart. What is one career you don't think you could do no matter how much it paid? Butcher. No fucking way. Have you ever edited Wikipedia? No. Have you ever edited any other wiki? Oh yeah; I’m an admin at the Silent Hill wiki and have invested hours upon hours upon hours helping out there for years. I’m also a content moderator at the Team Ico wiki, and I’ve also assisted a lot at the meerkats wiki because it is a fucking grammatical and formatting catastrophe. I think that’s it? Wait no, I did a few fixes on the Dragons of Atlantis wiki when it was still at the Kabam website, too. Is there a website [besides social networking] that you check almost daily? Yeah, a few. Do you get scared when you know some virus or sickness is being passed? I wouldn’t say I get scared, no. Just more aware and cautious. What’s the worst illness you’ve had? I’ve had a fucking wicked stomach virus before. (TMI alert?) I would not stop puking to the point it was agonizing to the point of tears because my muscles were so exhausted. Which do you prefer: M&M's, Skittles, or Reese's Pieces? BITCH can I choose all???? But in almost any chocolate-related case, I will choose a Reese’s product. Where on your body would you never get a tattoo? I don’t plan on getting a face tattoo, or at least a big one. Maybe something small and cute. OH YEAH EW absolutely never getting my sclera tattooed. That looks painful as a motherfucker. Honestly, have you ever stuck gum under a table or desk? No, that shit is disgusting. If your parents could read your thoughts, would you be in trouble? Not usually. Mom might be mad sometimes when I’m angry at her. Have you ever egged somebody's house or car? No, that’s childish as shit. My childhood house was egged once, so it pisses me off especially. Do you like licorice? UGH no, that shit is disgusting. Did anybody ever read bedtime stories to you when you were younger? My mom did. Which natural disaster do you find the most terrifying? Tornadoes or earthquakes. Do you have a favorite Johnny Depp movie? What is it? Alice in Wonderland. If I gave you a Yo-Yo right now, could you do any tricks? Nope.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[pinkbubbles-and-bigtroubles]

Colour Me In (Part 5)

Eliza gasped as a blue butterfly landed on her nose and giggled when she looked over at Calum. He had a yellow butterfly in his dark curls and his mouth was hanging open, eyes wide as he fed several others from his hand. He'd brought her to the San Diego Zoo Safari Park.

They'd started in the butterfly jungle and Eliza swooned at Calum trying to be extra careful with the tiny delicate creatures.

Next was the aviary where Eliza stared at the birds the zoo keeper brought out one by one following along with the script on Calum's phone. He seemed a little more skittish around the birds as they were brought up close, but he tried to play it off.  She marveled at the colors, and judging by the way Calum flinched when it opened its beak she guessed it was very loud.

Calum bought behind the scenes tickets so they learned about kangaroos for about an hour, even holding and feeding a baby roo. The park employees teased Calum about being a natural, being from Australia and all. Eliza noticed the side glances cast her way, some girls nodding at her and smiling in appreciation of the man she was on a date with. Other females shot her looks of pure envy and venom, but Eliza ignored them, she was too happy to care what anyone thought.

They grabbed a quick snack before Calum took her on a caravan safari through the Asian and African savannah. Calum had preloaded the guides script into his phone so Eliza could read along, but he kept poking her and pointing, signing “What's that?”

She'd sign back “lion, rhino, antelope,” and so on and the tour continued. A couple of kids sitting in front of them turned around to watch the impromptu lesson and were soon asking their own questions.

Calum grinned watching Eliza answer every one while still paying close attention to the animals they were there to see. He brushed a curl off her cheek tucking it behind her ear earning him a smile that made his heart catch in his throat. He took a video of her teaching the kids to sign “giraffe” and he couldn't help but think she'd be such a good mom someday. The thought unnerved him for a second, but he squeezed her knee and smiled back. The kids got distracted by their parents who felt bad intruding on what was obviously a date, and Eliza snuck in a quick kiss, pressing her lips to his briefly, just long enough to let Calum know he was already in too deep.

The safari was about two hours long with Eliza alternating between signing for Calum and the kids and holding his hand enjoying the scenery. Every now and then resting her head on his shoulder so her hair tickled his face, and he noticed it smelled like honeysuckle flowers and coconut. Cal couldn't remember the last time he'd taken a girl out on a date and he'd never done anything like this before.

By the time the tour was over they were both hungry and the parents of the two kids offered to treat them to lunch at the restaurant on that side of the park. They wandered back through the park deciding to try the zipline even though Eliza objected not wanting Calum to spend any more money. He overruled her objections and flying above the animals she was glad he'd insisted. He'd gone first so he was waiting when she landed. Eliza was so overwhelmed at the days experience, and this gorgeous man grinning at her with his arms out, she couldn't help but throw her arms around his neck and pull him in for a kiss. His hands tangled in her hair and his tongue parted her lips when they were asked to move along. Calum frowned as he pulled back, leading Eliza back down the trail.

They held hands as they made their way out of the park, stopping occasionally to look at an exhibit and even popping in to feed some colourful lorikeets. Eliza laughed when Calum seemed to finally be warming up to birds until one pooped right in his hand. He looked so embarrassed and grossed out, she felt bad for him but laughed harder as she handed him a wet wipe. They stopped at the petting kraal so Calum could brush a goat which Eliza just had to get video of.  

They made their way to Calum's car, and he acted like he was gonna reach around to open the passenger door for her. Instead his hands found her waist backing her against the car. Eliza stood on her toes tilting her head up as his mouth came crashing down on hers continuing where they'd been rudely interrupted. The kiss was deep and passionate, his hands running down her sides gripping her hips, her fingers pulling his curls as her teeth grazed his bottom lip. He started to dip down to kiss her neck and Eliza pushed him away, suddenly.

“I'm sorry I'm sorry” she signed, wide eyed and shaking her head. She grabbed her phone.

I can't have marks on my neck. Where my mom and boss could see them.

Calum backed up and nodded before leaning in and kissing her lips again.

If I ever leave marks, they'll be where no one can see them.

Eliza's jaw dropped and Calum burst out laughing. He opened the door for her, before walking around and getting in himself.

I'm still hungry, let me buy you dinner

That's not how this is supposed to work ya know

Calum was using voice to text so he could talk to her while driving.

Don't care, you just dropped several hundred dollars taking me out today, I can buy you a pizza.

Okay fine, but let's go back to the hotel and let me get a quick shower before we get dinner.

Shower? Where?

I got a room this morning because I figured I'd be too tired to drive back tonight after getting up that early to drive down

How much is this costing you?

Don't worry about it, I can afford it and it was worth it to come see you.

Eliza got freshened up in her room and changed into a yellow sundress with sneakers and a white denim jacket over the dress. Calum was at her door looking handsome as always in a black tank top with an unbuttoned red shirt over it. Ripped black jeans and boots with his hair still wet from his shower, Eliza had to fight the urge to forget about dinner.

The desk clerk was a fan and insisted they try her favorite restaurant about twenty minutes away. The menu was California cuisine with a Greek twist. Eliza skipped it and went straight for the kebab, the smell of the lamb meat already had her mouth watering. Calum followed her lead and it was a slow night so the owner was also running food. He stopped to chat them up and they had a laugh how international the table was, a Maori-Scottish man on a date with an Portuguese-Iranian woman at a Greek restaurant in a Mexican named city eating Turkish food.

He insisted they take a shot of Ouzo on the house, only relenting when Eliza explained she was Muslim, insisting Calum take two in her place.

Calum texted her can you drive a stick? Eliza nodded with a wink and he took the shots. He nursed a beer for the rest of the night not wanting to get silly around Eliza. The liquor got him feeling a bit loose and he couldn't stop touching her. He kept playing with her fingers, rubbing her shoulder, bumping her knee with his, Eliza wasn't drunk but felt intoxicated by the attention.

The food was amazing finally breaking the spell as they concentrated on their meal.

Afterwards they were absolutely stuffed but the owner insisted they take some of his wife's famous kourabiedes, Greek walnut sugar cookies, with them to go.

They got back and Calum walked her to her room. Eliza stopped and pulled out her phone

I want you to come in and hang out, but I don't want you to think this is an invitation to fool around

Okay but you're looking really pretty tonight so I can't promise I won't try and kiss you

I'll consider myself warned

They ended up sitting on the bed holding their phones to chat. Calum was sitting up with a pillow behind him with Eliza sitting between his legs, her back resting against his chest. They were both fully clothed although she'd changed into yoga pants and an oversized t shirt with a sports bra underneath and Rocket and Groot knee socks.

If you're trying to look unappealing, it's not working, but what's with the socks

Maggie is Rocket and I am Groot

He giggled and she looked back at him receiving a kiss before settling back against him.

They stayed that way until after 2am. Cuddling and texting eventually putting one phone one the charger while they passed the other back and forth. Calum talked about his two girlfriends in high school and how awful he'd been to them. He'd had sex for the first time at 15 and he was embarrassed to admit he honestly couldn't tell her how many girls he'd slept with. After that he told her about the girl who'd convinced him he was finally in love. She'd been a drummer and a tattoo artist about a year older than him. He'd become jaded when that fell apart piece by piece until they hated each other. He never missed them as a couple, but sometimes he still missed her.

Eliza nodded she told him about her first boyfriend, Miguel who'd been deaf like her. They'd met at school, as there was only two high schools in the district that had ASL interpreter. They'd dated from sophomore to senior year, and he'd been the one to take her virginity, convincing her they would marry after college and live happily ever after. She found out he was cheating a week before graduation. Her second serious boyfriend was Patrick who she met in literature class her first week of college. They'd been together a little over a year despite Maggie and Kevin never being fully happy with the relationship.

As far as sex was concerned she and Miguel had been kids, sneaking around, figuring things out together, and it had been enjoyable. Patrick had been boring in bed, she knew enough to know that. When she'd gotten the courage to suggest trying something different he'd turned it around on. Patrick had blamed her extra weight and her lack of experience for his poor performance. Their relationship crumbled quickly after that.

Eliza felt suddenly bashful explaining her limited sexual experience and prowess.

I hope if something ever happens you won't be disappointed

Eliza felt Calum's whole body tense up as he read that.

You could never disappoint me, don't ever think that.

He turned her head so she was looking at him and mouthed “Never��� before pulling her into a kiss.

Soon they were tangled together in a flush of heavy breathing, roaming hands and passionate kisses. Calum stopped and pulled away watching her face. Eliza was still unsure if she was ready for this and Calum understood that. He got up of the bed and helped her up.

“Not yet” she signed.

“I understand” he signed back before kissing her forehead. “I should go get sleep.”

He kissed her goodnight and went to the desk to see if he could keep his room until Monday.

The next day Calum slept till 10 but Eliza was already up and ready with a bagel sandwich and a coffee for him. She'd decided that since Calum had planned yesterday, and it had been expensive, that today would be the opposite.

They went to Balboa Park to explore the gardens. She only expected to be there a couple hours but the place was huge and breathtakingly beautiful. They marveled at the stunning Spanish-Moorish fountains in Alcazar Park, took pictures at the lily pond in front of the Botanical Building and delighting at the rare orchids inside. They grabbed a light lunch before heading to the carousel.

It was a gorgeous historic menagerie carousel with many animals to choose from.  Calum picked a horse but Eliza wanted the dragon. She smiled the entire ride her eyes kept wandering around taking it all in. Calum's heart was in his throat, and he couldn't stop staring. Reputation be damned, he liked this girl, and he had to make sure she knew.

The rest of the short day was spent wandering hand in hand through the Memorial Rose Garden, Calum memorizing which flowers were her favorites. Then the Japanese Friendship garden where they enjoyed strolling through authentic buildings and reading the exhibits.  He stole kisses walking down the paths before standing behind her holding her and resting his chin on top of her head while they silently watched the koi ponds.

Calum stepped back and turned her around to face him and raised his eyebrows carefully signing “want girlfriend my will.”

It took Eliza half a second to realize what Calum just asked her.

“Of course” she signed back at him beaming before raising up on her toes to kiss him.\

@wildhearthood @kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995 @cal-puddies @biba3434 @babygirlcashton @angelbabylu @itstheholls @5sos-ficssmut @cal-pal-cuddles @calumh-excess @1dthewantedlove

#calum hood #calum hood fanfiction #deaf #eliza #colour me in #asl #sign language #calum 5sos #calum imagine #calum hood imagine #calum hood fanfic #calum hood blurb #calum hood smut #5sos #5sos calum

[mearcatsreturns]

can’t help it (falling in love)

The gentler, slower way Abby and Luka get back together after the girl lives in The Human Shield (12x07).

This is absolutely prompted by @somekindofflowergirl asking me how long I thought it would have taken for Abby and Luka to get back together had it not been for the events of The Human Shield. I wanted to say it would be by I Do, but these fictional fools could barely wait a day. Typical.

Some lines are canon-adjacent, but I couldn’t bear to not tinker with them, given how cute and flirty they were.

Rated T, about 2.5k words, and also on ao3. 

Abby doesn’t know when it turned into...whatever this is. Not that she has any complaints about what’s going on between her and Luka. In fact, her biggest issue is keeping the giddy anticipation at bay whenever she sees him.

They’re not together. Not yet. Or again, she guesses. It’s been a few months since he and Sam broke up, a few months since they started slipping into each other’s lives again. It’s so seamless she doesn’t really remember when they started going out for coffee, lunch, or even dinner when their schedules allow it, but after the long, Luka-less gap while he was dating Sam? She loves it. Cherishes it, even, though she’d never admit it to anyone.

They’re over at his place finishing up lunch. He’d called her this morning to see if she wanted to join him, and she’d had to remind herself to let him finish asking before she agreed. Yesterday had been rough, but they’d saved the little girl, and they both have today off.

Leaning back in her chair, she catches Luka smiling at her. She can’t help but grin back. “So you might be the new Chief of the ER. Will we have to call you Chief Kovač now?”

He raises an eyebrow. “No, Luka is still fine, or Dr. Kovač. Or other names if we’re very close.”

Rolling her eyes, she feels her cheeks heat. “I just think it would be cute. You know, like, ‘We’re here at County, talking to Chief Kovač…’”

“I think I’m cute either way.”

“And humble, clearly.”

“Please, you think it’s charming,” he says with a laugh.

And dammit, she does. She can’t let him know that so easily, though. “Okay, then, cutie. Since you’re so charming, do you want to do the dishes too? Or do you need me to help?”

“I’ll wash, and you can dry, if you want. Do you want to go for a walk after? It seems like a nice day, even if it’s going to get cold later.”

She glances down at her low-cut tee shirt and thinks on her fairly light jacket and shrugs. She’s from Minnesota, she’ll be fine. “Sure, that sounds good.”

It doesn’t hurt that she catches his gaze lingering on her neckline, too. “Excellent,” he says, licking his lips and finally meeting eyes.

Jesus. He’s going to kill her.

&&&

It’s a struggle not to take Luka’s hand as they walk by the lake. Their arms brush against each other’s, and Abby buries her hands further in her pockets. They’re not dating, she can’t just grab his arm, no matter how much she wants to.

It doesn’t stop her from wondering what he’d do if she did. Would he go with it? Would he gently disentangle himself? Take her in his arms? Crush her hopes? She can’t think about it. Instead, she turns toward the water. “I love this place,” she confesses, sitting on the nearest bench.

“It’s beautiful,” he agrees, smiling at her.

“I don’t even remember when I started coming here, but when I need to think or re-calibrate, this is where I come.”

“So if Clemente gets you suspended for working on an antelope next time, this is where I’ll find you?”

She elbows his side. “Hey, if you become Chief, I expect you to get me out of any and all animal-related suspensions.”

He bumps her shoulder with his and wraps an arm around her. “A worthwhile abuse of my power.”

“Hey, you said it, not me.” Abby is only a woman, and can’t help it—she leans into his loose embrace.

“That’s assuming I get it.”

“Is it something you really want?”

Luka shrugs. “I do think I’m the best candidate for the job, and I don’t think anyone else is a good fit. I’ll do my best to look after all our staff.”

“You’ll be good at it, but will it make you happy?”

“That’s supposed to be my question for you,” he says, squeezing her shoulder (and wow, is her heart ever racing at the innocent contact). “Honestly, I don’t know, but I think it’s something I have to do, at least for now.”

She smiles up at him. “Then I hope you get it.”

He bites his lip and then asks, “What about you?”

“Well, I’m not in the running to be Chief. I should probably finish my residency first.”

Laughing, he lightly pinches her. “Okay, smartass. I meant if you had some big hopes, but I can see that you’ve already achieved your dream of always having a...feisty....response.”

For a second, Abby considers telling him that it’s him that she wants, that he’s the only thing missing from her life, but she loses her nerve when she thinks of what’s at stake. Turning back to the waves, she sighs and leans back against his arm. “There is one thing.”

“What is it?”

“I really want to see that space cowboy movie with Nathan Fillion. I’ve been meaning to since it came out, it just hasn’t happened yet.”

Shaking his head in amusement, he stands and pulls her to her feet. “Well, I guess if we hurry we could probably make a matinee. I can make your dream come true.”

“Then you have my vote as Chief.”

“Too bad it’s not a democracy.”

&&&

They’ve just gotten out of the movie and gotten hot dogs when they get the frantic pages from County. With a look at each other, they book it to Luka’s car and head in. On the way, they turn on the radio and hear with alarm about the plane crash. Abby winces. It’s going to be bad, and they’re not in for a good night.

With the traffic, it takes them longer than either would like to get to County, so they hurry in as soon as they park.

In spite of Abby’s pessimism, it’s not that brutal. Yes, there were a lot of horrible things that happened, but she and Luka worked as nearly flawless team, and they saved lives. To hear their delirious patient, Baxter, tell it, they even saved lives that weren’t in mortal danger.

She smiles, walking back to the hospital from the El platform. She might not have convinced Neela to stay—and she is worried—but Baxter was hilarious, and Abby can’t remember the last time she had this much fun at work.

It’s absolutely everything to do with Luka. The easy way they work together, can communicate with a look or quirk of their lips, whether it’s how to handle a patient or trying not to giggle at said patient’s love life. There’s no one else like that for her, and she aches, she pines, she yearns.

Speaking of the tall and handsome devil, she nearly runs into him heading back into the ambulance bay. He lights up when he sees it’s her, and she beams back at him.

“How’s our favorite patient?”

“Huh? Oh, Baxter. He made it up to ICU and will be fine, even if I’m not so sure about his fiancee.”

Abby snorts. “Good, good. That’ll be...fun.”

“Not our problem, at least. Is Neela all right?”

“She will be, I was just worried about smoke inhalation.”

“She’s tough.”

Abby just nods, looking up at him. The day is catching up with her, the satisfied exhaustion of hard work mingling with her ever-present desire to just collapse into Luka. She shivers, and he reaches out with steadying hands to rub her arms.

“Cold?” His eyes are dark as he looks down at her, still smiling softly.

She bites her lip. “A little. I forgot my jacket inside.”

He steps into her space just a little more, hands moving from her arms to her back. “I’d offer you my jacket, but…”

“Yeah, that probably wouldn’t work,” she says, reaching up to take hold of the lapels. There’s maybe an inch between them now, but somehow it’s still too much.

“Might get in the way,” he says, voice hoarse. “And we wouldn’t want that.”

Abby agrees breathlessly, “Nope.”

He leans his forehead against hers, his nose brushing against hers. “We had a good night tonight.”

She’s about to say something, probably, but Luka cuts her off with his lips. The kiss starts out gentle, tentative, and more than a little sweet, but when he pulls her closer and cradles her head, she can’t help it. She wraps her arms around his neck, tongue tracing his lip, and he groans and lets her deepen the kiss.

She loses all sense of time and place as she clutches at him. At some point, he walks them back so they’re leaning against one of the stone walls. The brick digs into her back as he lifts her, one leg sliding between hers. Her supplicating whine is muffled by his lips against hers, and he’s just put one large, warm hand under her shirt when the blaring of an ambulance siren and flashing lights pull her out of her trance. Their trance, she supposes, though he’s still looking at her dazed and awed.

Clearing her throat, Abby squeaks. “I need to finish up the case notes for Baxter and the, uh, the other patient.”

Luka licks his lips and brushes them across her forehead, but lets her go all the same. “See you tomorrow?”

She needs to get away, needs to think. But she also can’t help but smile at him. “Yeah. See you then. Good night.”

“Night,” he manages in return, sounding utterly wrecked. Abby knows the feeling.

&&&

To Abby’s annoyance—and she won’t lie, a little relief—she and Luka are too busy their next shift to do more than wave at each other, and he ends up stuck there late, so she goes home without waiting for him.

It’s a couple days before they have overlapping shifts again, just long enough to wreak havoc with her nerves and send her into a storm of confusion. He still texts and pages her throughout the day like he did before, which is equal parts heartening and confusing. Maybe he does think of her in the same friendly way as he has, maybe he was just caught up in the victory of a good shift. Or maybe he does care, and just wants to talk in person?

She sighs and shakes her head. She can’t dwell on it, not now. She has to get a few things from lockup, and if she dwells on the Luka situation, she’ll drive herself crazy.

She’s pulling the meds for Mr. Huerta when someone else comes in, and when she sees that it’s Luka, those dratted butterflies start fluttering in her stomach again.

His lips quirk up when she meets his eyes. “Hey there.”

“Oh, uh, hey.”

“I need to get the prednisone.”

She moves aside, but it’s close quarters in lockup, and she shivers when Luka’s lab coat brushes against her arm. God, she is so weak for this man.

She has the meds she needs and should go, but Luka turns to her and seems to be trying to find words to fill the very expectant silence. Abby waits.

He runs a hand through his hair, and she fights the urge to smooth it down. “Ah, I—well, I just want to make sure it was okay that I kissed you the other day.”

“Oh,” she says, going still as a statue, “I mean, I kissed you back, so...yeah. It’s fine.” God, she prays he doesn’t say he doesn’t want it to ruin the friendship. She doesn’t want that either, but the days she thought of him as just a friend are long past, if they ever even existed.

His shoulders slump with relief. “Good, good.” He makes no move to leave, and he’s kind of blocking the exit.

The silence thickens, but for once, Abby can’t think of a single thing to say, not that wouldn’t leave her completely bare and vulnerable before him.

She’s about to push past him when he touches her wrist. She looks down at his hand reaching for hers and swallows.

“Abby?”

“Yeah?”

“I—do you want to go out? Sometime soon?”

His question takes her back to five and a half years before, and fills her with that same mixture of hope and nervousness, though most of the fear is gone. She smiles, and pushes her hair behind her ear. “You mean like a date?”

“Yes.” There’s no hesitation or uncertainty in Luka’s response, and it warms her to her soul.

“Oh, okay. Um, yeah. Tonight after our shift ends?”

“That’s fine—wait, our shift ends at midnight. Is that…?”

She bites her lip and stares at him from under her lashes. “Well, I don’t know what you have planned. But there’s definitely plenty we could do then.”

She recognizes the way his eyes go dark with desire and inwardly rejoices at it. He places a hand on her hip. “We could always go play pool. It is ladies’ night.”

“Is it now?”

“Mmhmm. Unless you were thinking of something more physical,” he teases.

Grinning back at him, she raises an eyebrow. “Oh, like you weren’t.”

He takes her face in both his hands and kisses her until she forgets her own name. “Always,” he breathes against her lips.

Stepping back from him, though not before running her hand over his chest—she is mortal, after all—she takes a deep breath. “Okay. See you later?”

Luka nods in assent. They have patients, but he’s still loath to let her go.

They might have stayed there basking in each other’s presence—or started making out again—had Chuny not barrelled in, taken one look at their gobsmacked and enamored faces, and smirked before asking Abby, “Do you have the meds for Mr. Huerta? He’s threatening to leave if we don’t hurry.”

“Uh, yeah,” she says, flustered. “Just let me—hold on, I’ll grab them.”

Chuny’s expression softens and she smiles. “I’ll head back to the exam room and meet you there.”

“Thanks.”

When they’re alone again, Abby reaches out for him. “Luka?”

“Yes?”

Without another word, she stands on her toes and leans up to press a tender, chaste kiss to his lips. She pulls back before he can deepen it or reciprocate, knowing she’ll never leave if she keeps touching him.

He stares at her like she’s the sun and moon, or maybe his whole sky. “I’ll come find you when the shift is over.”

“Okay,” she says. It’s on the tip of her tongue to say she can’t wait, but she can. After four years, what’s four more hours, especially when they have forever to look forward to?

#luby #luby ff #luka x abby #er #er ff #amber writes #I love two (2) idiots #otp: love each other and persevere

[ceol-aen]

❂ Yonah Zulali || Character Interview ❂

— What did you have for breakfast?

“Breakfast....breakfast...’M tryin’ to remember, think I had somethin’ simple. Wait, Right! I had some corned beef an’ eggs. Nothin’ fancy, think it was the special at the inn that mornin’. ”

— What can you cook perfectly?

“This might be a surprise--but I’m pretty good at fish dinners. Get some cherry tomatoes an’ throw ‘em in a skillet, cook ‘em with some white wine... then some fresh basil and lemon juice.... Cook some Tiger Cod at th’ same time, pour th’ tomates and wah-lah! Perfect meal fer two.”

— If you could choose a pet, what what would it be?

“Not sure, t’ be honest. We ‘ad a big dog on th’ farm....one of those shepherd dogs, but I ain’t sure if they good for a life on th’ sea. I will tell you one thing--I’m might jealous of folks who manage t’ train a bird t’ do their biddin’. Sound like a right child--but I want a parrot t’ sit on my shoulders too!” 

— How is your relationship with your parents?

“I know -shite- ‘bout m’ birth dad, figured he was jus’ another stopper-by that fucked my ma an’ got her pregnant. Ma is great, think I worry the ever-livin’ daylight outta her though....she never liked my or Retih’la choices in life. Figured she’d prefer I stay on th’ farm--help with the business...but that ain’t for me. My mom though--we’re tight. She understands my choices -completely-. I wonder if ma ever gets jealous....”

— What is your favorite read?

“Ain’t much of a reader--but I do enjoy poetry. Lovey Dovey stuff is my favorite.”

— Do you put both socks on first, or one sock, one shoe?

“Y’know--I never thought about it but....I guess I put on socks first--then shoes. And th’ more I think about th’ later--the more uncomfortable I get...who -does- that? ”

— Do you fold your clothes before bed?

“It’s a habit from home--Ma always did that thing, sing a song about chores before bed....make sure we brushed out teeth...if our clothes weren’t folded at th’ end of our beds she’d be pissed to high heavens. Guess it’s just ingrained in me now...”

— How do you feel about marriage?

“Not right now--I think it my answer. I used t’ go back an’ forth on it....one month I’d want a bride and th’ next I just rather romp around with someone for a night--or maybe two. I ‘unno...I’m a romantic but I don’t think my heart is ready for somethin’ like that.”

— Who was the last person you crushed on?

“Gods....there are too many. Honestly feels like I’m dotin’ on someone new every week. Think th’ last serious one was...” She paused, looking a little nostalgic, a little pained, but she still managed to repeat the name aloud. “...Aubrey.”

— What does your dream home look like? and where would it be?

“Honestly somethin’ like my mom’s house. It’s large, yet cozy--perfect for a large family. Not sure if I’d turn it to a business or a farm like they had--but somethin’ about white stone cottages, with a nice garden out front...laundry dryin’ in th’ sun....I like it.”

— What’s your worst habit?

“Guess th’ whole ‘never committin’ to anythin’ is a big enough bad habit of mine, but I say that ain’t true! I’ve committed myself t’ my music, my merc work--maybe I’ve never committed to a girl or honest work, but that ain’t where my priorities lie!”

— What do you do for living and how do you feel about your job?

“I consider m’self a wanderin’ musician--but really that’s a side gig. I make most of my money doin’ odd jobs for whoever needs it--and those jobs usually require someone skilled with an axe ‘n’ blade....”

Tagged by: @hellsbovnd (aaah thank you!! this was loads of fun!!)

Tagging: @weaponskill @pom-friend @bride-and-bride @the-rosehouse (DO GRIM DO GRIM) @whitherwanderer @notoriousmonsterhunter @o-hteco @huntspeak @lesalia @sylastair @forthepursuitofknowledge @antelopes-and-omens @elegant-etienne @chammachamma @s-v-rasmussen and YOU

#yonah meme #finall FINALLY long writing for yonah #i love doing memes for her and writing for her

[dayntee]

[PoE] What Might Have Been

Summary: On the (few days) eve of the confrontation with Thaos, Watcher Idralia considers her poorly concealed feelings about a certain disaster wizard and whether acting on them is the right choice.

Relationships: Light Watcher/Aloth, Watcher/Edér friendship

Rating: G - honestly, it’s just a whole lot of talking

Notes: Idralia is the Watcher I have been playing both PoE 1 and 2 over at my Twitch channel. I’m currently working on PoE2 and proccing Aloth’s romance has been a royal deadfire company pain in the ass, so clearly I needed to work out my frustrations in fic form. Plus, was just really nice to get back to writing.

Relevant Play-through Choices: Iselmyr was suppressed, Aloth was encouraged to hunt down rather than reform the Leaden Key, Idralia’s key characteristics were Honest (4), Benevolent (4), and Diplomatic (3).

Also available on AO3 here.

It hadn't taken Idralia long to recognize how often her eyes would linger on her travel companion. He had been the first to join her on her journey and, although the whole "awakened soul" situation had been unnerving at first, Aloth had become someone to whom she could naturally confide. Iselmyr was still the occasional surprise in her own right, but no one understood the echoing chaos in her head better than Aloth could.

At first, he was quiet and reserved with her, as he was with everyone. Once he had confessed the nature of his unusual outbursts and revealed Iselmyr's existence, though, there was a notable relaxation in his day to day posture when they conversed. Whether it was in the confines of Caed Nua or around the campfire during night watch, discussions about the Wheel, animancy, souls, the Leaden Key, and the nature of both of their conditions became frequent. In time, the subjects began to steer more mundane, yet personal; Idralia shared her adventures across the Deadfire Archipelago as a deckhand while she learned of more of the civilized (if cloistered) life Aloth had lived. Their pasts, despite being drastically different in environment, held more in common the deeper they delved.

They listened intently to one another, and while neither were storytellers in their own right, it was clear they each found the other fascinating. When she realized this was causing her heart to tighten at his smile, reserved laugh, or the accidental bump into his person, she wasn't certain what to do with the revelation.

On the one hand, she was a painfully honest woman. It never sat right with her to keep secrets, and she trusted her companions to do the same once they grew to know her. Often that was why she wore her heart on her sleeve; a forthright leader was an easy one to follow. Certainly, this resulted in her bearing the burden of others' pain or manipulations, but she preferred it that way. At least, then, it felt as though she retained some measure of control and could truly make a difference.

On the other, the notion of anything remotely romantic would further complicate matters. She wasn't even certain she would survive her condition or the confrontation with Thaos. From what she had pieced together, confronting Thaos was how her previous life had ended. Would it not be more cruel to build a close bond, only to sever it?

Neither of those weights even considered whether or not he shared her feelings. Certainly there was a connection between them, but there was a connection between her and all of her companions. Even Durance (not that she'd call it a fondness by any measure).

She paced about her room in the comfort of Caed Nua, thinking deeply on it. The end was nearing; they had cornered Thaos, knew where he was, and there was little more to do than simply end it. She had returned to the warmth of the keep one final time, adamant about ensuring she left the Steward with clear instructions should this final journey prove fatal. Most of the others had decided it was a fine time for a last hurrah, and she could hear the cheers, laughter, and clanking of mugs echo from the halls below. Finally, she sat on her bed with a huff and a groan, dropping her face into her hands in futility.

Her companion, a sleek antelope she had "cleverly" named Cantelope due to his affinity for the fruit, raised his head from the foot of the bed at the disturbance. He leaned his long neck forward, nuzzling an arm, his tongue darting out to lick affectionately. With a small chuckle, she hugged him close. Prior to becoming a Watcher, Cantelope was the last of friends she had kept from an otherwise lonely life.

She idly scratched the beast's chin, watching his eyes close as he enjoyed the affection. 'Is it worth it?' she wondered, especially if it could be nothing more than a fleeting moment before death? 'Since when did I become so pessimistic?' her eyebrows knit together, and she startled at the firm knock on the door. The splash of blonde and a bushy beard surrounding two of the brightest blue eyes she knew brought a smile to her face.

"Come in, Edér," she offered, and Cantelope immediately stood, trotting over to what was (most likely) his favorite human. Edér's smile broadened and he closed the door behind him, kneeling down to scratch the eager antelope's head and ruffle his flank vigorously.

"Was wonderin' where ya went off to. Folks're lookin' for ya downstairs," Cantelope had laid down on his side and Edér began scratching his stomach. "I know ya ain't much the social type, but they'd probably like to hear from their fearless leader."

'Fearless, how ironic,' Idralia thought to herself, laughing sardonically and Edér gave her a curious look. She shook her head as if to say it was nothing, but her brows knit together and she looked down.

"What's on yer mind, Watcher?" the warrior stood up and pulled a chair from against the wall, sitting in front of her and leaning his elbows in on his knees, his clear blue eyes giving her a discerning gaze. "Clearly ya got somethin' botherin' ya, an' I'm all ears,"

Idralia gave an honest, if reserved, smile and nodded slowly. "I... appreciate that Edér. You've become one of my closest friends in all... this," she gestured as if to indicate not just Caed Nua but... everything. He'd been one of the first she'd encountered, aside from...

"It's Aloth, innit?" her cheeks flushed and before she could say anything, he continued. "Watcher, I'm pretty sure the only one who hasn't noticed the way ya look at him is him," Edér leaned back in his chair and pulled out his smoking pipe, stuffing it with a generous pinch of whiteleaf. "For all that brain he's got, sometimes he can't see what's right in front of him,"

"That obvious, huh?" she said quietly, and he glanced up from rustling around in his pouch for tinder. He chuckled.

"I never claimed to be all smarts, but I know an achin' heart when I see one. So what're ya sittin' up here for?" he struck a flame into his pipe and puffed thoroughly to light the sweet-smelling plant. Cantelope huffed with annoyance and buried his nose into Edér's thigh to stifle the stench.

"It just... seems like there's too much to lose," her voice was still quiet, barely above a mumble, and her friend tilted his head as if to ask her to explain further. "You've all become so important to me. Close friends, even family. Something I haven't had in many years," she furrowed her brow. "I'm not sure I can lose that, especially not in a way which is... avoidable,"

"The only thing yer avoidin' is the truth. An' if I've come to know ya at all, then that's not sittin' right with ya," he let a long drag of smoke lose, wafting his hand to help disperse it more quickly. She didn't care much for whiteleaf herself, but she'd long since accepted Edér's vice and the scent had become familiar and comforting in its own right.

"You're right, of course," she smiled again, almost sadly. "It isn't like me, but... I can't see it as anything other than being selfish. There's a good chance I'm not going to survive this... thing... I've got a purpose, a duty, to fulfill, and I can't let anything stand in the way of that,"

"Listen, Iddy," she crinkled her nose at the moniker Edér had gifted her months ago, for the sole purpose of annoying her (or so she believed). "Ya take everythin' onto yerself. Just once, just this once... ya should take a chance for yerself. Now, I can't tell ya what ta do, but... I just don't like seein' that sadness in yer eyes," he screwed his face into a lopsided frown. "It don't suit ya."

She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, reaching up to tug at a stray strand of hair, curling it around her finger. "We'll... we'll see," she conceded, glancing over at him again with her, now warmer, dark eyes. "Thank you. I'm not a fan of second guessing myself,"

"Nah, that's the other elf's job," he grinned, and leaned forward to pat his calloused hand on Idralia's shoulder. "We all trust you, Iddy. Trust yerself," he let the words hang in the air for a moment before she nodded, and Edér stood, giving Cantelope one last pat on the head before he opened the door. "Oh, an'... I think he's in the library. Least ways, that's where it looked like he went."

She watched Edér leave, Cantelope following behind him as he left the door open, and she sighed, looking forward without focus. 'Well, I guess if it doesn't work out... then I chuck myself down a hole and I really have nothing left for Thaos to take,' she mused to herself, finding a sort of morbid comfort in the thought.

She stood and walked over to the dresser in her room, where a bottle of Aedyran mead rested. 'With gratitude, Gedmar Doemenel,' the label read, and she had left the bottle largely untouched, half in suspicion it might be poisoned and half to save for a special occasion. Hiravias had checked it for her, reassuring it would only poison her as much as alcohol was meant to, before asking for a drought himself. She'd gladly obliged for the favor and saved the rest for a later time.

"Well, I'm running out of that," she mumbled, before taking the bottle by the neck and leaving the room.

*****

She stood in the doorway for a moment, finding Aloth exactly where Edér had indicated, seated away from her in one of the large, comfortable chairs in Brighthaven, flipping idly through a book in his lap. She noticed he wasn't spending long on each page, and she assumed he was either skimming or simply looking busy to avoid having to socialize with the others. 'He probably wants to be left alone,' she thought, but before she could change her mind, his head turned in her direction, and he turned further in his chair to address her with a smile.

"Ah, the Watcher finally reveals herself," there was a playfulness in his words and she gave a sheepish grin. "I'm afraid you've gone the wrong direction for the party."

"Heh, I've never been much of one for parties... What's your excuse?" she leaned against the door frame and raised an eyebrow at him.

"After the third round, Hiravias challenged Durance to a drinking competition and, quite frankly, I'd rather not learn what new level of stench our Magran friend is capable of," he wrinkled his nose and Idralia grimaced in agreement.

"Well, if you don't mind a little company, I have something I thought you'd like," she walked forward, holding out the bottle of mead in one hand and lifting a couple of mugs in the other. He took the bottle from her as she passed and inspected the label, his eyebrows raising appreciatively.

"I'd be honored. Thank you," she held out the mugs in each hand and Aloth filled them before taking one for himself, tilting it forward in a gesture of gratitude. Idralia smiled, clinked her mug to his, and leaned back into the chair before taking a slow, savoring drink. It was a little lower than room temperature, and she closed her eyes, letting her senses follow the cool liquid down her throat, turning to warmth as the alcohol settled in her stomach.

"You don't often let yourself have these moments, do you?" he asked, and she opened her eyes immediately to meet his bemused look. Fighting a flush (or hoping the excuse of alcohol would be enough of a defense), she smiled helplessly.

"It's definitely been a long time since I bothered. You lot have all brought me a joy and peace I haven't felt in... well, a long time. Weird given the circumstances, but I guess it's... just nice to belong somewhere," her gaze drifted quickly from Aloth to the golden liquid in her mug, and she slowly began swirling the brew to keep her hands busy.

She didn't see the warm smile he returned to her, but she could hear the tilt of his lips in his voice as he answered. "You have given us all something, Idralia. For me, something I'm not entirely sure I can ever repay. I am glad to have been of some level of service in return,"

"No one obliterates an angry pack of xaurhips fasted than you do, my talented friend," she tilted her mug his way in a half toast and he shrugged unapologetically.

"Not quite what I meant, but I appreciate the compliment,"

For a time, they quietly enjoyed the crackle of the nearby fire, the warmth the mead in their mugs brought with each drink, and the distant laughs, crashes, and other suspicious sounds of revelry that echoed across the halls. Perhaps to some, a silence such as this might be awkward or uncomfortable, but that had never been the case for Idralia. She was a ranger, used to long nights with no background music but the cacophony of crickets or the crashing of waves against the hull of a ship. For her, it was never truly silent; there was always a symphony of some sort to appreciate and, though he'd never made it specifically clear, Aloth seemed the type to enjoy quiet company.

As her mug began to feel lighter in her grip, a flicker of courage began to grow in her heart. Before she could stop herself, she began.

"Hey, Aloth?"

He hummed in acknowledgement, giving her his rapt attention. 'No turning back now,' she thought, and, for what might have been the first time in her life, she pored over her words carefully before sharing them. She knew this conversation could change everything.

"Assuming everything goes... as well as it can, what do you plan to do after we defeat Thaos?"

The question seemed to hit him suddenly, like it was something he hadn't genuinely pondered. For a moment, he was silent, scrunching his eyebrows together the way he always did when he gave something considerable thought.

"I suppose it seemed so distant before I hadn't considered that far ahead. I suppose..." he hesitated, casting a glance her way that was almost indicating his next words were as much a question as a statement. "I suppose there will still be plenty of Leaden Key business to clean up in Thaos' absence. I would be remiss to do anything other than continue making right the wrongs I've contributed to."

"So you'd hunt them down? The whole sect?" Idralia raised an eyebrow, wondering if Aloth had truly considered the scope of his words.

"As many as I could," he offered, as though that were a more reasonable goal, and Idralia gave him a helpless smile.

"That's a tall order,"

"Well, someone I know well has taught me we all have a duty in this world to make it better in whatever way we can," she felt heat rise in her cheeks again and she could not meet his gaze. His smirk faltered for a moment. "And you?"

She paused as well, contemplating her next answer very carefully. "Well, I mean... of course assuming the best of things... I've become the Lady of Caed Nua. I guess my place is... here," Truly, she was torn. As much as she wanted to offer to help him, as much as she longed for him to never leave her side, Caed Nua wasn't just her home, it was her duty. She had fought to claim it, fought to keep hold of it, fought to defend it—any course of action that would cause her to abandon it seemed distasteful at best and abhorrent at worst.

"It... makes sense," there was a hesitation in his voice she couldn't quite place. For a fleeting moment, she wondered if the chance had already passed. "Caed Nua has become your home. You always said you would like to know that feeling," he offered her a smile, but there was something hollow and unsaid behind it.

'You can't do it, can you?' she realized, thoughts whirring at lightning speed. 'You can't ask him to be something he isn't, to tell him to stay, to not follow his instincts. Otherwise, what was the point in helping him stand up for himself? What was the point in helping him overcome Iselmyr's control, come to terms with his past, and learn to be his own being?'

"I did, didn't I?" she mused softly, looking down into the remainder of the mead in her mug, rapidly disappearing like the time she had left with her companions. Surely they would all leave when it was done, returning to their individual lives, their independent paths, their own duties. This was her home... not theirs.

"Is that... what you actually want?" he asked quietly, softly enough she nearly missed it. He'd cornered her now; there were only so many ways she could answer without lying and yet still avoid the truth in her heart. Instead, she looked up and their eyes locked. Another silence passed between them, but it was more meaningful than any conversation that could have occurred in its place. Her heart tightened painfully in her chest, and she swallowed down her impulse. Finally, she answered.

"What I want is selfish. After everything you've... all given... I don't think I have the right to ask anything more," each word was carefully selected, crafted to be ambiguous, yet hoping he parsed her meaning.

He closed his eyes, and her breath hitched for a moment. His mug came up and he took a long drink, longer than the others, and she realized he was finishing what was left. When he lowered it, he met her gaze again, accompanied by a soft, warm smile.

"You deserve a lot more than you think," he set the mug down on the side table next to his chair, tapping the rim for a moment before continuing. "Thank you for sharing this with me," there was genuine gratitude in his voice, and she knew he was talking about more than the mead. Whether it was the evening as a whole or whatever he had interpreted from their conversation, she wasn't quite certain.

"You'll always be welcome here," she blurted, and she flushed again, this time the blood rushing up her long ears as his smile took on a more playful shape. "Caed Nua's doors will always be open to my friends," she more diplomatically clarified, but it was far too late to save face. He knew. He had to know.

"And I will always remember that," he slowly stood, and offered his hand to her. "Perhaps it's time we get rest. As always, I've lost track of the hour in our conversation and we have quite the journey ahead of us."

She glanced at his hand, then the remaining mead in her mug and finished it briskly before accepting his help up. He was not a particularly physical being, unlike Edér and his constant pats or nudges, and she took the opportunity to give his hand a gentle squeeze. 'That's it, then,' she accepted, knowing the chance had passed but feeling it was for the best. To her surprise, rather than releasing her immediately, he let the hold on her linger and squeezed back in response. It was a small, momentary gesture, yet her heart fluttered regardless.

Perhaps Thaos wouldn't be the end, and perhaps their paths would cross once more. 'If it does,' she pondered silently as they walked the halls that had quieted in the late hour of their shared drink, 'I'm not sure I'll be able to let him go again.'

#pillars of eternity #aloth #aloth corfiser #Watcher Idralia #Watcher #aloth x watcher #poe hell #aloth/watcher #edér #edér teylecg

[rannadylin]

Some canon characters appearing in the Citlatl cast needed portraits to go along with all these orlan OCs of mine. :-D Edér and Aloth are visiting Vi’s hometown in Ixamitl so of course they, too, are wearing Ixamitl clothes. Also, I like drawing Ixamitl clothes with all their fancy embroidery and beads.

Won’t be necessary to type up all the character details since I’m sure PoE players already know who these fellows are, but some notes on their roles in Soul and Shield:

Edér is courting Violet (which is how you know this story is an AU, I guess...) since the end of Clan and Court some months ago: Established relationship, yet still sort of figuring things out. 

Currently in the story he’s mostly just helping out wherever needed with the investigation...plus being on his best behavior since Vi’s parents are still not quite persuaded their daughter should be dating him.

Aloth may or may not have become aware at this point of the particular attentions of a certain recently-Awakened elven rogue in his direction...

In Vi’s worldstate, Aloth suppressed Iselmyr; but I’ve been writing it more as a matter of him taking control of his own life to the extent that she doesn’t interfere as much because he’s less in need of intervention. She’s not as silent as suppressed-Iselmyr seems to be in Deadfire, at any rate, and writing the two of them coordinated is one of the most delightful parts of this fic project.

Currently in the story, Aloth is most interested in the part of the investigation that involves interfering with whatever the Leaden Key are up to in the region, though they’ve had little progress on that since he helped Lenneth fight off one of their attacks and then the whole group - well, most of the group - fought off another attack in the Tlacu marketplace. Aloth has assisted Anselm a bit with looking for LK clues in various unsolved cases but that’s been a dead end so far. So he’s also been accompanying Lenneth, sometimes, on her visits to temples in an attempt to remember more of what Glynis - her Awakened life - knew; Aloth’s also been, along with Violet, a voice of experience and empathy in helping Lenneth learn to deal with her Awakening.

Behind the cut, some of my favorite scenes so far for these two in the story:

Aloth

Think she’ll lead us stret to the hooded fyndes? Iselmyr suggested hopefully.

Aloth couldn’t discount the possibility. There had to be more Lenneth wasn’t telling them, and he had noted how earnestly she argued for the pursuit of the animancer, even if it meant leaving the Leaden Key (coincidentally, or conveniently?) unchallenged. But for the moment, Lenneth seemed to be leading them nowhere directly, but taking a most circuitous route, as if she knew she was being followed.

Fortunately, Aloth had a fair bit of experience with tailing and being tailed. Ferretting out the Leaden Key around the Dyrwood had been much simpler when they kept coming after the Watcher. In his attempts to shut down their well-hidden operations since then, he’d had to learn their tricks more thoroughly than even when he had been one of them. Iselmyr had little patience for these subtleties -- but she could also be remarkably perceptive when he let her take the lead, and keeping up with a mark as slippery as this one seemed to appeal to her competitive nature. Between the two of them, Aloth managed to keep Lenneth in his sights, just barely, as she skirted the temple district, blended with the crowds in three separate marketplaces, doubled back through alleys, and traveled rooftops through a seedier district that turned out to be the home of the Adra Antelope.

Aloth watched her vanish into the inn, not by the front door under the weathered sign painted with the inn’s namesake animal in garish green as far as it could be from the actual color of adra, but through a second-story window. He crept a quick patrol up and down the streets overlooking both that window and that door, waiting to see by which she would emerge. As he turned the corner, he caught sight of a familiarly hooded figure lurking across the street from the Adra Antelope’s entrance. The sight made Iselmyr crow with joy. Our quirry! Ga’on, let’s take this’n oot --

Aloth bade her wait. Pausing as if to take his bearings at the crossroads, he counted three more of Iselmyr’s hooded fyndes watching the building. I don’t think she’s here to meet with them, he grudgingly advised Iselmyr. And I don’t think it’s us she was avoiding, with that route.

Iselmyr drew his attention to a fifth lurker, now creeping down the inn’s wall toward the same window Lenneth had entered. Fye, that’s yin she’ll be hard pressed ta avoid. Let’s take that’n oot, fer a start.

Aloth concurred, already finding the page in his grimoire and beginning to summon the spell. With the last arcane word, the figure on the wall froze in place, halfway through the window, then suddenly peeled away from the wall, his petrified form no longer able to grasp the handholds, and plummeted to the street below.

“Lenneth?” She turned to find Aloth lingering in the parlor too, wringing his hands and hesitating to look at her.

“Yeah?” she prompted softly, coming to sit in the chair next to him.

“I…” He met her eyes briefly. “First, I owe you an apology. For my rudeness when we first met.”

“Oh.” She chuckled. “You know, I really don’t blame you if you didn’t trust me. I was lying about why I needed to find Grigor, and anyway, I’m hardly the most trustworthy sort.”

“I’m not certain I agree,” he murmured before meeting her eyes again. “Look. About your Awakening. You’re in good hands now, you know. Violet knows what she’s doing, as much as anyone can, in these matters.”

Lenneth smiled. “That’s...good to hear. Thank you.”

Aloth nodded. “It helps that she’s a Watcher, of course, and that she’s experienced an Awakening herself. But it’s not just her own Awakening. She has a way of...of collecting people like us, it seems,” he finished with a slight laugh and a sudden tension, clasping his hands together so that the fidgeting stopped.

Lenneth gasped and grabbed at his arm. “Wait, you too?”

He shrugged, confirming it with half a nod and half a smile. “Me too.”

“Really? Oh, that’s -- No, you have to tell me more now. What’s it like? How long have you…?”

Aloth’s smile turned wry. “Do you ever ask just one question at a time?”

“It would take longer!”

“I’m not sure that’s true.”

“Okay, for starters, have you been Awakened long? Longer than me, I assume.”

Aloth nodded. “Most of my life. Since I was a child.”

Lenneth’s eyes widened. “What’s it like?”

“Terrifying, at first. Confusing. But, once I understood what had happened to me: annoying, mostly,” he said. “Which is why I spent most of my life fighting it. I’ve...come to terms with it, more or less, largely thanks to the Watcher’s influence, and it’s not all bad, there are some advantages, but it’s still often annoying, that intrusion of a presence that just doesn’t really fit with this life.”

“Same,” Lenneth sighed. “I mean, it’s sort of intriguing to think that somewhere deep down I might actually know what’s going on with the light out there,” she waved at the window, “but there ought to be less awkward ways than springing memories on me like that, right?”

“If only.”

Time passed, not easily marked by the night sky in its current condition, as Lenneth drew out more and more of Aloth’s story and he grew more at ease with telling it. So they were deep in a recounting of how he had come to terms with Iselmyr after so many years spent resisting her Awakening, when Aloth interrupted his own story with an involuntary yawn and Lenneth couldn’t help but echo it.

“Sorry,” she said. “Guess it’s later than it looks, and all that.”

“Indeed,” he winced. “I apologize for keeping you from sleep like this, especially with as much damage as you took before we reached you in the fight today.”

“No, it’s fine,” Lenneth assured him. “Honestly, thank you for this. I’m glad we got to talk. It’s...such a relief knowing it’s not just me, you know?”

Thanks to her sudden vise-like grip of his hand, Aloth had a moment’s warning. This allowed him to, none too clumsily, catch Lenneth when she gasped and her knees suddenly gave way there in the birthing chamber. “Lenneth?” he began to call to her, “Lenn--” but broke off as he realized that what was happening was probably just the thing they were trying to achieve. So he caught her and carefully hefted her over to the nearest couch. Well, birthing couch, technically, he supposed. But it would have to do.

“What’s happening?” the little priestess worried at him. “Is she all right? Did she trip? Is she --”

“Fine,” Aloth insisted, to himself as well as to the priestess. “She’s fine. Just a spell -- this sort of thing takes her sometimes -- climbing all those stairs, perhaps,” he fumbled.

“Oh, heavens,” the priestess breathed out in what sounded suspiciously more like delight at the drama than concern for a woman’s well-being. “Here, lay her down. She’s breathing, isn’t she? Make sure she’s breathing.”

She was staring straight ahead, still squeezing his hand for dear life; but yes, she was breathing. Very deeply breathing, in fact. “She’s fine,” Aloth repeated.

“Does she need a physician? Oh, it’s a shame we don’t have midwives on staff here these days. Of course I suppose it’s not a midwife she needs, but a proper physician -- unless,” she cast a hopeful glance at the catatonic Lenneth. “Is she with child?”

Aloth felt his face warm and avoided more than a glance out the corner of his eye at Lenneth’s petite form. “Not...not that I’m aware of, no,” he managed.

“Oh, what a shame,” the priestess sighed. “For a moment I thought -- well, I hoped the light in the sky might have heralded such an event! The first birth at the Sky-Mother’s temple in generations! Ah, well.” She patted Aloth’s arm, then Lenneth’s. Then she frowned at Lenneth’s continued stillness. “Perhaps I should go for that physician after all.”

“I really don’t think that will be necessary,” Aloth insisted, studying the flickering of Lenneth’s eyelids. “But could I trouble you for -- for some refreshment? For when she recovers, that is. She…” His memory flashed to that morning, at the Haven’s edge, when he’d observed Xipil sitting with her through just such a vision as Aloth hoped she was having now. “She does find a bit of chocolate to be very restorative, at these moments.”

The priestess smiled kindly. “I have just the thing. Wait right here.” And with a flutter of her feathered headdress, she darted back up the stairs.

“As if we were going anywhere else,” Aloth muttered under his breath when she was well out of hearing.

A minute passed, then another. Then Lenneth’s eyelids fluttered again, and with a gasp, she sat up, still clutching Aloth’s hand.

“My baby!” she croaked with the voice of a woman whose cries had for hours flown to Hylea under her midwife’s care. Panting for breath, she blinked slowly, looking around in bewilderment at the underground chamber. Her eyes met Aloth’s. She blinked once more, and then quietly asked, her voice fading back to its normal register, “Did...did I just have a baby?”

“You most certainly did not,” he answered with a wry half-smile, untangling his fingers from hers as her grasp finally relaxed. “But I think, perhaps…”

Her eyes went wide as she finished the thought. “Glynis did.”

 Edér

Violet came back to herself as she slowly became aware of the sound of a heartbeat. Not her own, she realized after a moment. She was warm, and cozy, as if waking up from a nap, but also there was movement, and quiet, familiar voices surrounded her.

She drew breath and blinked her eyes open to see Edér looking down at her, first in concern and then with a relieved grin. “Hey honey,” he murmured. “There you are. All good now?”

She stirred, looking over her shoulder to see that she was in his arms, held against his chest in a bridal carry, and they were walking through the streets of Citlatl again. Ahead, she saw Audie arguing with Anselm in low voices. Behind, she heard Yolotli questioning, then Lenneth in reply, and Aloth sounding curt and strained.

“What happened?” Violet asked quietly, looking back to Edér.

“Typical Watcher stuff, at first,” Edér reported. “Then you just dropped. Out cold. Couldn’t rouse you.” He held her closer and pressed a kiss to the top of her head. “It was like one of them nightmares you used to have. Scared us all.”

“I think I’m out of practice,” Violet said. “I don’t remember getting so caught up in a soul like that before. When it came to the end, it was -- it wouldn’t let me go. Like its desperation overtook me.”

“Well, there’s some in the party,” he nodded in Audie’s direction, “as just about took a piece outta Anselm for putting you in harm’s way like that.” Indeed, it looked like Anselm was not to hear the end of it anytime soon. Audie’s grudges were legendary; she’d barely come to terms with Anselm’s treatment of Violet years ago, even after months of his friendly association with the family at Caed Nua. “Aloth and me, we figured you’d snap out of it like usual. But we’re on our way back to the house, just in case.” The tension in his voice, and relief at having her awake to hear this report, belied his calm dismissal of the episode. Violet wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed a kiss to his cheek.

Edér stroked his beard, stepping closer to the Haven. “So it’s just some magical hoard sort of thing? Storing all the power? Think it’s actually dangerous, up this close, or…?”

“Well, it may be,” Aloth began. “To condense so much essence in a confined space, that could…”

But before he could finish his thought, Edér was poking at the Haven with the edge of his sword. “Huh,” said he. “Don’t feel anything much.”

Aloth blanched as Edér switched to poking at it with a finger. “Be careful. It could --” But too late: With a brief shout, Edér brought up his shield and barreled straight through the barrier to the other side. He turned around to grin at them all even as they were still drawing sharp breaths to cry out. “Huh,” he said again. “Tingles a little. Long as I’m not on fire, seems okay?”

Anselm crossed his arms, regarding the man with a smirk. “No fire that I can see. The state of your hair suggests a bit of static, nothing more. Please don’t go and get yourself killed, though. There’s no way I could explain that to Violet.”

Edér nodded sheepishly, running a hand through his hair that did little to actually smooth it down, then walked along the edge of the Haven for a few steps, inspecting it from the outside. “Looks about the same over here. Hey, Aloth. Can you cast something through it? A missile or something?”

Aloth frowned. “At what?”

“Well, not me,” Edér said. “Promised not to get myself killed. Rock over there’ll do. Just to see if a spell goes through.”

So Aloth obliged, lifting his grimoire again and summoning a small bolt, then a larger one. Both sailed cleanly through the Haven and impacted against the target rock, the first in a flash of light and scattering of splintered stone, the second in an explosion of dust as the whole rock shattered.

“Okay,” Edér nodded, “so that looked about right. Now come cast one from this side.”

Aloth paled. “If I can. I’ve expended a fair bit of my grimoire’s resources already today, and if the Haven interferes with its recharging…”

“Just one,” Edér insisted. “Got an idea about this thing. And don’t worry, it’s safe enough to step through. Makes your hair stand on end, is all.”

So Aloth drew a deep breath and plunged through to the outside, where Edér greeted him with a friendly slap on the back. As he drew out his grimoire again to find a suitable spell, his eyes widened. “Hm. It’s...That’s interesting. It has recharged somewhat.” He glanced over to the Haven. “Passing through this thing...perhaps the essence held within remains accessible so long as the grimoire, too, is within its bounds.”

Anselm’s eyebrows raised. “Good to know.”

Aloth walked along the Haven’s edge to a place a few yards away from those still standing inside its bounds and again launched a spell from his grimoire. Without impediment, the arcane bolt sailed forth at his gesture towards the wall of light, but this time, rather than passing cleanly through as the previous spells had, it crashed against the Haven with a flare of light and a shriek of inanimate wrath.

Edér looked around the group with a satisfied smile. “It’s a shield,” he interpreted, hoisting his own, more mundane shield in demonstration. “City can fire magic out, but no one can fire it in.”

Lenneth looked from the group on the inside to the two now on the outside of the Haven, and back again. “Okay, but is it just for magic? Can you two get back in?”

Edér’s smile faded to a concerned furrowing of his brow. “Huh. Hadn’t thought of that.” He approached the Haven and once again poked at it with his sword, then gingerly pressed his shield against the barrier. “Seems okay,” he said. From there it was a matter of once again poking at it with a finger before he finally gathered confidence, raised his shield before his face, just in case, and stepped back through.

He stood for a moment, slowly lowering his sheld and glancing back over his shoulder at the Haven. Aloth fidgeted on the other side and called out, “Well?”

“Nah, it’s fine,” Edér said. “Still tingles a little, and it’s -- it sorta slows you down, going through that way. Like walking through porridge. But it wouldn’t stop anyone. Come on back.”

“I’m going to take lunch up to Mother and Papa,” she began, lacing her fingers with his and biting at her lip. She glanced up to him, and the corners of her eyes creased with tension. “Come with me?”

It took him a moment to grasp why she looked so nervous about lunch, or about visiting her mother like they’d come here to do in the first place, or why she’d need Edér to help when he hadn’t as yet even met -- “Oh,” he said as comprehension dawned, gathering her hands in his and drawing her closer. “Ah. Course, Vi. I’m with you, sweetheart. Nothing to worry ‘bout. Gonna go fine.”

She giggled -- a brittle sound, not her usual light bubbling of amusement he so loved to hear -- as he bent to kiss the tip of her nose. “Now you sound more nervous than I feel,” she said.

“Nah, it’ll be fine,” he repeated. “Just...y’know, anytime I’ve gone to meet a gal’s parents, officially and all, it always sort of...goes to pieces, somehow. If I mess this one up, I’m sorry. I love you, and I’ll be on my best behavior, but…”

Violet smiled and threw her arms around his waist, resting her cheek to his chest. “I already expect this one to go to pieces, dear Edér. But it has to be done all the same, doesn’t it?”

“And now’s as good a time as any,” he agreed, holding her close. “Least with expectations like that, nothing much’s gonna disappoint you, huh?”

#pillars of eternity #eder teylecg #aloth corfiser #eder #aloth #ranna draws #soul and shield #csi: citlatl #from the desk of ranna

[i-have-been-changed-for-good]

Closer and Closer

Monday - I greet Scott at the printer and hadn’t yet made my coffee. When I do go to make it, the water jug needs to be changed. The water jugs are in the warehouse, right next to Scott’s office window. I go out and get one without looking at him, but when I come in he looks at me and says, “I could’ve gotten that for you.” I say I’m okay, the water jug isn’t heavy and Steve says how I don’t like to ask for help to carry things. The water jug is honestly lighter than many of the filing boxes, and it doesn’t put any pressure on my back like those do. However, my back was killing me today, a shooting, pinching pain extending down my butt. Who else had a very sore back today? Scott. There’s no point in my even being weirded out by this anymore tbh.

During my lunch, we talk about stretches that help the back. He tries explaining one to me that I don’t recognize until when I get home and think about it some more. I show him a yoga pose that’s a really good stretch for this hips. I ask him how his Father’s Day was and he says it was good. His dad ended up coming over and he spent the day with his daughter, which he always does Sunday. He said he actually hurt his back going down the slide at the park with her. It was one of those wavy slides. We end up talking about how people are stupid. He deals with people here and I deal with people at my part-time job. I tell Scott that I like to think the best of people, but that they make it so hard. He agrees. I tell him how my mom has always said to me, “Dana, that’s not nice to say that” but I guess I’m not nice lol. Scott asks me if I went out for lunch and I did go to ShopRite, but I didn’t notice if they had chicken. My lunch is over and I get up and say “sorry” and give him a pouty face. He looks at me and smiles and says it’s alright.

When I come in from the warehouse, Scott is just coming back from lunch. He’s at the trashcan next to Steve’s desk and we smile at each other. He gets his tea after lunch, and I apologize again for the chicken. “I always make sure I check for you, but the salad bar was busy today and I forgot.” He smiles and says “Dammit, Dana! Nah, I’m just kidding. Really, it’s alright.” We talk about the weather a bit. It’s a drastic change walking in from the too-hot warehouse to the freezing offices.

I go out into the warehouse a bit later and when I come back in, I can see Scott turned to look at me but I didn’t turn to him since he hasn’t been doing it as much. I have my late-afternoon snack of pineapples and I eat the last of them. I heard someone walk by to the bathrooms and saw in the security mirror it was Scott. Pete is talking to Joyce, but she had gone into the warehouse. I grab the empty container, go to tell him she’s not there, and then head back toward my cubicle to head to the recycling bin. Since the printer is going, I don’t hear the bathroom door open, nor do I hear Scott walking, which he’s usually pretty quiet anyway. I almost bump right into him as I round the corner. He smiles at me. I get a whiff of his cologne as we pass each other.

At the end of the day, I go to his office and tell him he walks so quietly. “Yeah, I’ve been told that before.” I tell him the printer was going too, so I didn’t even hear the bathroom door open. I tell him his cologne smells nice. “You couldn’t hear me but you could smell me?” “No, I could smell you once I almost bumped into you.” We talk about orders a bit and I say how it’s nerve-wracking this one warehouse worker I always have to follow-up with because he forgets to send freight cost. Scott says yeah, there’s probably only 3 guys out there that actually work really hard. I can take a guess as to who he’s talking about. We end up walking out together.

Tuesday - In the morning, my co-worker, Joyce, ended up having to go to the hospital. She’s okay, but our boss, Pete, called an ambulance for her because she said she wanted one. She’s having some sort of stomach inflammation and won’t return the rest of this week. She won’t be back until next Wednesday. I don’t even start working until after 8:30 (I come in at 8). I take over her morning duty and go out into the warehouse to get some papers. When I come back in, I turn to Scott who smiles at me and tilts his head up. We didn’t get to greet in the morning since I was with Joyce. I mean, obviously I wanted to make sure she was okay. That was my first priority.

I have a smoothie for breakfast every morning during the weekday, so I always clean out the cup so it’s easy to clean when I get home. This means I always walk by Scott’s office to get to the sink at the end of the hallway there. He rarely turns to look at me, but today he does and he smiles. I have to ask him about an order not long after this. I don’t have any contacts for one company but I need to send them tracking information. I go and ask Scott, since he put the order together. God, his eyes are just wow. He says he doesn’t have the contacts, but he can give me email of the sales guy who took the order. I could just look the guy up since he’s in our company, but I don’t even think of it at the time. Before Scott messages me, he adds me to his contacts. You don’t need to do that before messaging someone. I add him back. He messages me the guy’s email and I send him “thanks :)” and he writes me back “no prob :)”. I know it seems like nothing, but the littlest things just make my heart swell with joy.

During my lunch , as I’m heading down the hall toward Scott’s office, he turns to me. I give him a little wave and he waves back. When I go in and start talking to him, I tell him how I killed my first wasp the night before. “Your first wasp ever?” “Uhh, well idk, I don’t really keep tracks of what bugs I kill, but I killed the first one at my apartment.” I show him a picture I took of it. It had landed on my door screen and died there. I tell him I left it there to send a message to all the other wasps (he laughs) but also how I wasn’t too keen to pick it off the screen. The only time I ever got stung by a wasp it was already dead, and I just happened to kneel on it. He tells me how last night his daughter wouldn’t go to bed because there was a fly in her room. “The buzzing bothered her?” He says yeah, and then tells me how he literally reached out and caught the fly right in his hand haha. He witnessed an accident in the morning on his way to work. He was on the highway when not too far ahead of him a truck (tractor trailer??) lost a tired and hit the woman in front of him. She spiraled all the way across the highway and Scott had to swerve to miss debris. Luckily no one was hurt. I’m glad he was okay. His nephew’s graduation is that night and he’s debating about whether he should go or not. It’s only high school, but he doesn’t really want to go too much, but he could also just go and leave right after his cousin gets his diploma. Scott then randomly says to me, “Those jeans look good on you. I meant to tell you earlier.” I thank him and then go to say something (I can’t remember what) but at that exact moment Steve walks in, back from lunch.

When Scott comes back from his lunch and makes his tea, I pop out of my cubicle. “You know what’s underrated? Hand massages.” I had just put lotion on my hands and was rubbing my palm with my thumb and it felt so good. Scott says that he doesn’t think he’s ever had one and I tell him neither have I, but I was just rubbing my own hand. He watches me do it. I tell him I might go grab the salad upstairs since there’s more trainees here this week and today they got the good salad: spinach, pecans, strawberries, and chunks of cheese. Scott likes that one too. I don’t know what happens after this, but I look into Scott’s eyes and I can tell I’m giving him a sweet look. He does the same thing back to me, and we just stare into each other’s eyes while beaming at each other. It’s such a sweet, tender moment.

At some point I hear someone come out of the bathroom and when I look into the security mirror, I see it’s Scott. I assume he went back into his office. I don’t even hear him go up next to the printer, but for whatever reason, I turn around. He grabs a paper off the counter and turns to me, smiles, and waves.

At the end of the day when I go to talk to him, I tell him how Angelo talked to me not too long ago and told me his boss signed off on my papers, so now we just wait for my hire date. “He told me any day now, but he told me that 4 weeks ago too so…”. At pretty much the same time, Scott started saying “Didn’t he - “. We both laugh. I look at the calendar on his wall and am like “holy shit.” It is a picture of an ostrich and some antelope. This freaks me out for a minute because literally the night before, I had made my post on tumblr about an ostrich. Anyway, it’s a really weird picture where the 2 antelope are just eating and the ostrich looks like it’s screaming angrily at nothing in particular. “This is such a weird picture. Who saw this and thought ‘You know, this would look great on a calendar’?” (Side note: I did search google images so that I could post it here, but couldn’t find the image. Didn’t think I would but figured I’d try. I did, however, find that people ride ostriches. Like why is that a thing??). Scott is watching a video on youtube and I ask him what it is. He’s watching a video on how to hook your grill up to your gasline. We talk about that for a minute and then end up walking out together again.

Wednesday - When Scott comes in in the morning, I had just made my coffee but am standing there talking to Ed, who was walking by. Of course, Ed loves to talk to everyone, so he stops Scott when Scott comes walking in. We all talk for a few minutes. Scott still has his sunglasses on, and while I can’t see his eyes too well, for one moment I know I lock eyes with him with a small smile on my face, which he returns. Ed doesn’t see this somehow, as he happened to be looking away when this happens.

I get to smile at Scott when I come back in from the warehouse at one point. Steve is on the phone, so we both take the opportunity to smile at each other. During my lunch I bring him down a cookie. I had got us some yesterday but they were hard and almost stale, and today they are soft and good. I ask him if he saw the edible cookie dough place that opened in the mall, but he’s not a cookie dough fan really. I ask him if he went to his nephew’s graduation last night and he said he did have the intentions of going, but some things prevented him from going, or something along those lines. He doesn’t sound very happy about it at all, so I don’t ask him what happened and instead change the subject. Scott didn’t bring lunch for a 3rd time in a row. “What do you bring in your bag in the morning then?” “It’s a secret.” I act affronted on purpose, and clearly jokingly, and he says it’s snacks. He asks me how Joyce is doing and I tell him she has an inflamed stomach, which is what Scott had. I had looked up causes and it says medication (Scott believes it was taking Flonase every day that did it to him), food, or excessive alcohol could be the culprits. “What, you don’t think Joyce goes home and has a bottle every night?” I had written my name in the dust of his laptop last week, and I point out how it’s still there. He never uses it, so it just sits there. Today I draw a smiley face. We both acknowledge how we see each other on the highway, and I’m happy to put that out there cuz it’s not just me lol. One of the receptionists in the other building pages him for a phone call. He asks me if I want to take it. “Okay, I can tell them you’re not here right now.” “Yeah, tell them to call back in 20 minutes when I’m on lunch.” I tell him how my shoulders are sore because I’m starting a yoga challenge on arm balances. I tell him I can only do crow pose, and not as well as I’d like. I show him a picture and he thinks it’s funny. During the whole time I’m in his office, at least 3 times, when I was looking away, when I turned back to look at Scott he would turn his head away from me, a small smile on his face. I could tell he had just been looking at me. I drop one of my hairs on his floor before leaving and he smiles at me.

When Scott gets his afternoon tea and I talk to him, I tell him how I have never seen the salad bar at ShopRite as busy as it was Monday and how the lady in front of me used almost all of the honey mustard, so when I was done using it I flipped it upside down so people would know and that the workers could change it. Scott laughs and says it was still upside down yesterday. We talk about what we like in our salads and we only agree on the cranberries and chickpeas. I tell him I have to be in the mood for cucumbers not because of the taste because they’re in between soft and hard, and I just have to be in the mood for that texture. Sometimes I just wish I would not talk, honestly. But Scott seems to enjoy me anyhow. His shoes match his shirt and I asked if he planned that and he says he didn’t. He finds this pretty funny and I laugh too. I guess it’s not that funny, but it’s always just such a joy talking to him.

At the end of the day when I talk to him, I tell him how I had soy yogurt today and it wasn’t too bad. I had gone food shopping last night and bought these vegan ice cream bites, but they didn’t taste like anything and I felt like I was just putting something cold in my mouth. I’ve had vegan ice cream before and it’s good, but these were tasteless. Scott yawns and I screw my face up and close my one eye. He looks at me and laughs. “What are you doing?” “Trying not to yawn. You always do this to me.” Of course I fail. We talk for a few minutes and then I notice him clicking around on his computer, exiting everything. “Is it time to leave?” He tells me it is. I go and log off, grab my stuff, and say bye to Pete. When I start walking, Scott comes down the hall with his bag from the fridge. He goes into his office and I go to his doorway. I can see him rushing to do whatever he’s doing and grab his apple, which was on his desk. He turns around and sees me there and thus resumes his normal pace. He tells me he’s gonna eat his apple on the car ride home and I tell him how apples are not a good car ride snack because they’re sticky, they have that sticky apple feeling. Scott really does think I’m funny. I tell him bananas would be better for a car ride but he disagrees, saying that bananas get those strings and that it’s worse. We say bye to each other and leave.

Thursday - Scott is really late walking in today, like 10-15 minutes later than usual, so I don’t get to greet him. I end up having to ask him about an order though. When I go into the doorway, Steve and a warehouse guy are standing around Scott all talking. Scott’s eyes immediately flick to me when I come up, and he doesn’t take them off of me. The warehouse guy walks out and Steve goes back to his desk. “Dana!!!” Scott says my name with such enthusiasm and I beam at him. I ask him about the order, taking the opportunity to really look at his eyes some more. When I go to take some orders out, I see Scott is standing at his printer just inside his doorway. We look at each other and then I completely miss the door handle. I laugh and turn to Scott and smile real big at him. He’s beaming at me. I’m not sure if it’s this time when I come in or another time, but we smile at each other when Steve isn’t at his desk. Smiling at each other throughout my day is just so nice.

When I go in his office during my lunch, I ask if him, Steve, and Chris are all starting a boy band. They all have on our company shirts in the same baby blue. Scott laughs, and I think he says, “Yeah, we are. Haven’t you heard?” He tells me, “You look nice today.” and I thank him. I’m always taken off-guard cuz I just don’t expect anything, yet he keeps giving. I tell him I had almond yogurt today and we somehow get on the topic of protein and how people tend to over-exaggerate just how much we need. He tells me how he used to take in a lot when he was younger, but he worked out a lot too, but he cares less now about how he looks. I blurt out, “I think you look good” and he tells me, “Thank you, I appreciate it.” We had a similar conversation like this months ago, except I was the one saying I don’t care so much about looking good and Scott was the one telling me that he thinks I look good. He mentions some orders and how people are just pretty stupid. I tell him how I had a vendor send a statement about past due invoices, and when I asked them to send the invoices to me, they didn’t send 7 that were on their statement and ended up sending 4 we already paid. So I asked them for the 7 and they sent 5. I asked them for the last 2 and they sent me 1. “So I’m like, ‘Fuck it. Guess you don’t want to get paid.’ I wasn’t about to ask a third time.” Scott agrees. I understand his frustration with people, more so at my other job than here, but yeah. He tells me how he contacted his doctor about his test results but still hasn’t heard back from them yet. He’s just waiting to see if he had an infection or not in his stomach. I tell him I didn’t really eat lunch so I’m gonna grab salad in a bit. I was kind of hinting at him that I will be up during his lunch. As I walk out of his office and turn to look at him through Steve’s window, he is still watching me. I take an order out into the warehouse almost immediately after my lunch and we end up getting another smile in at each other.

A little after 1, I go upstairs into the break room/kitchen. Normally there’s 2 women from IT who have the same lunch as Scott, but it’s just him sitting in there. One of the trainees is at the sink, but I barely notice them. Scott and I look at each other and smile. “Just you today?” “Yeah. Why don’t you stay for a bit.” “Okay, I can hang out for a few minutes.” I grab some salad and fruit and sit across from him. I end up staying up there for 15 minutes. He gets an alert on his phone in the doctor app he has and it tells him there’s no infection. I ask him if he ate his apple on the way home yesterday and he says he did, and he just threw the core out the window. I laugh. He says he never throws trash out the window, but the apple core was fine. We end up talking about a lot in the little bit of time I’m up there. We always talk about a lot during my lunch too. I can never add it all into these posts, partly because I can’t keep track of everything and partly because it would take me forever to write out everything. Scott had cleaned off the table with hand sanitizer before he sat down and he got some on his pants, which left a stain. He always says how much of a slob he is and how he’s always dropping stuff on himself, which I have seen a few times. He asks me if I’m related to the car dealership that shares my last name. I tell him I’m not, but that I’ve been told before when I look for a new car to go there and see if they’ll give me a discount. He laughs and says I definitely should try it. I look at the clock and tell him I’m gonna get back downstairs. I go to throw my plate out but step on the pedal too hard so that the lid flings up against the wall with a bang. I smile. I head toward the door and just as I reach the doorway, I turn around to smile at Scott, who is sitting there with his eyes on me and a smile on his face as well.

When Scott gets his tea, I ask him about the ping pong table this guy we work with is always talking about. Scott has never played during his llunch, but he’s watched other people play. His contact is bothering him and I tell him I have contact solution if he wants to use it. He accepts my offer and follows me into my cubicle. I purposely bend over to grab my bag, though it would be more comfortable for me to bend at my knees. I give him the solution and he goes to the bathroom to use it, then gives it back to me and thanks me.

We don’t walk out together today, but Scott does come outside while I’m still in my car. He ends up far behind me on the highway, but then out of nowhere he comes speeding up from a distance. I’m like, “What the hell, Scott? What is he doing?”. I usually do 80 but take it up to 85. He still catches up to right behind me. The guy behind him is going pretty fast too. My exit is coming up so I get all the way over to the right lane, which of course is moving much slower than the left. I look over at Scott as he passes and he has his head tilted up. I don’t know if he was glancing at me though.

I also started thinking today about how what I wanted is coming true. My therapist told me it would be a good idea to figure out what I want, and after a few weeks I was able to really dig down deep and answer this. “What do I want? To get closer to Scott.” I pictured us talking and laughing and having the best time together. This is coming true. Though we have limited time to talk at work, we have still been building closeness between us. I just really enjoy his company and talking to him.

Friday - When Scott comes in, I’m at the closet in the hallway. I lean back to see him and he smiles at me. “What are you doing?”. “I’m looking to see if there’s anything good in here. I found a t-shirt, I might just take that.” The hallways is plenty wide for 2 people, especially since I’m partly in the closet, but Scott still walks by extra close to me. I can smell him and it’s wonderful. I close the closet door and without thinking say, “Mmm. You smell so nice.” He laughs and says thanks.

I use the last of the paper in the cabinet so I go out into the warehouse to get more. When I come back, I lean over to take the paper out of the box, which I placed on the floor. I’m at a diagonal, so I can still somewhat see the warehouse door, but my butt is also facing that way. I don’t expect Scott to come walking out but he does. I see a flash of orange as he heads into the warehouse.

During my lunch, as I go in his office to see him, I greet him with “Hey, Speedracer.” He smiles and asks, “Why are you calling me Speedracer?”. “Because of yesterday. You sped up and were right behind me. Were you in a hurry?” He says he wasn’t. He had just called his eye doctor and says his contacts he ordered a month ago still aren’t in and he thinks they forgot to order them. He’s on his last pair of contacts. “You could always wear your glasses if you needed too.” “Yeah, but I don’t like them.” “I do.” I say it with an emphasis on “I”, though I don’t mean to. A few minutes later he asks me if I really like them on him and I tell him I do. I think he looks wonderful in them. We talk about glasses a bit more. His eye doctor calls him back. I don’t mean to sigh, but for some reason I do. Scott smiles over at me. When he hangs up, he asks me if I’m okay. Idk what the hell is wrong with me today. I ask him his weekend plans and he says he has a graduation party to go to. I ask him if it’s for his nephew and he says no, another young person. I assume it’s someone on his wife’s side, so I don’t ask any further questions. We end up tlaking about sleep for a bit, which is fitting since Fridays I’m always tired from working 6 days in a row. We talk a bit more and then Steve comes in. He asks me if I’m permanent yet and I tell him what’s going on. All 3 of us joke about it for a few minutes and then I turn back to Scott, who took a half day today. He was already looking at me and smiling when I turned to face him. “Have a nice weekend, Scott.” “Aight. Thanks, you too, Dana.” As I pass by the window in front of Steve, I turn to Scott to smile. He’s still facing the same direction, a smile on his lips, his eyes following me.

I make tea right after my lunch and when I turn around, I can see Scott’s reflection in his window and he’s turned toward my direction. I also print some stuff. Idk why, since I already said bye. But when he leaves, we say bye again.