#I have lots more pet peeves and I run my mouth all you gotta is ask

[azulock]

What are ur pet peeves?

Uhhhh like in general? Relationships? Writing? Cause God only knows I have strong opinions on everything.

But here, have a top five with one bllk specific one and four general writing ones

1. When fics have the European characters (like Noa, Kaiser, Chris, etc) using "soccer" instead of football in dialogue. Like come onnnnn only Americans use soccer we all know that

2. The thing I mentioned about how most dad!character fics rely on gender stereotypes to make the kid seem cute, esp little girls. I swear being a girl dad is not cuter than being a boy dad

3. How most fics describe the reader as this dainty girly petit girl, which gets esp worse with SMAUs. Us monster truck sized girlies deserve love too

4. How in most fics the reader is this innocent girly free of lust or sin to be corrupted by the sexy guy. I know it's a basis for a lot of kinks but it gives me Christian values vibes, I'm here for the sluts, the heartbreakers, the men eaters

5. Fics that are like 5 pages long but don't have a read more

#Before any of you try to say “Oh just don't read/just write it then” that's exactly what I do #That's a disclaimer I know I need to leave here on the “piss on the poor” website #I have lots more pet peeves and I run my mouth all you gotta is ask #Gonna call it Maria opinion corner #Rambles #Q&A

[maknaesdancersrappers]

the truth about you.

⁕ commission  ⁕

warnings » smut (explicit sex scenes; oral, fingering, corruption kink), language (repetitive use of profanities), themes (friends with benefits, underage drinking, pregnancy scare), angst (please have a fluff fic ready to read after this one)

genre » high school!au, fwb!au

word count » 25k

playlist » link

dedicated to  » jae ♡ ; thank you so much for commissioning this fic, it was draining to be honest, but i’m happy of how it turned out and i’m glad you enjoyed it.

+ timeline is a bit messy, but hopefully none of you catch it ㄟ( ▔, ▔ )ㄏ

terminology » yakgwa (korean honey cookie), ssireum (korean wrestling)

The library is your safe haven. The soft murmurs, the books, the cold air — all of these brought you peace and was the most ideal studying environment for you. It didn’t matter to you if your schoolmates called you a nerd all your high school life; let’s see who’ll be graduating with honors and, hopefully, a full scholarship to Seoul National University.

The only time you didn’t enjoy the library was when midterm exams were around the corner and students were cramming at the library, rushing to make reviewers, or even learn what they should have already known had they listened during class. This was the breeding ground for one of your pet peeves: people who can’t control the volume of their voices. Why do they even bother whispering if the entire library could hear it? You especially hated those whose voices get gradually louder and louder until they’re already practically exclaiming.

You would have gone to a lesser known cafe but you’d have to pay for a drink to stay there, whereas the library allowed you to bring in your own drinks as long as they were in reusable cups or tumblers. Today, however, you were only dragged here despite it being peak cramming season because your best friend had begged you to tutor him.

“I love you with all my heart, [Y/N].” Jungwoo grabs your hands and brings it to his chest. “Only you could teach me chemistry better than Mrs. Yoon—”

“Okay, okay, I get it.” You had just arrived at the table he was able to reserve and barely put your things down before he started acting dramatic. “Just highlight which topics you don’t get—”

“Everything.” He says in one breath, pulling out the best puppy eyes expression he could muster.

“Everything?” You browsed through your chemistry notes and sighed. This was going to take longer than you expected.

Sensing your apprehension, Jungwoo grabs your hands again, “I’ll buy you lunch for two days, please!”

You sit down beside him after shaking his hands off yours and settling in, “That’s not why I’m having second thoughts, Woo. I need to study for other subjects, too.”

Jungwoo scoffs, crossing his arms and leaning away from you, “Baby, you’re top 1 of the entire batch.”

“No, I’m not.” You scowled, turning around to grab your pencil case from your book bag. As you did so, excited murmurs erupted from the table beside yours and curiously, you followed the gazes of the girls to the door that had just closed. Sitting back up, you huffed, “I would be if he wasn’t around.”

Your best friend moves his attention to the person in question and lets out a sound of acknowledgement.

Jaehyun was never your classmate, but he’d been vying for the top spot against you for years. He was the living proof that God had favorites; blessing him with brains, beauty, and brawns. Aside from being an honor student, he played for the school varsity basketball and was a substitute player for the soccer team. This guy was annoyingly handsome as well; drop dead gorgeous with flawless, fair skin.

“He’s so hot.” Jungwoo sighs, taking a second to realize what he said and looked around to make sure only you had heard. “You know I was classmates with him freshman year, right? After gym, all the guys would shower in the locker room and I could confidently tell you that he’s packing—”

“Jungwoo!” You scolded, raising your voice just loud enough to get hushed by the librarian and everyone turns their heads towards you. You mouthed an apology and bowed your head, feeling your cheeks heat up in embarrassment. Of all the places your eyes could fall onto, it had to be on Jaehyun, who by the looks of it, was amused at what had happened. “I hate you.” You whispered to Jungwoo.

“Sorry. At least everyone’s a lot quieter than earlier.” He gestures to your notebooks, “Let’s get started. You know I can’t fail chemistry.”

Before you could open your notes, Jaehyun is looming over your table and leaning on one arm.

“Hi, Jungwoo.” He greets, flashing that infamous dimpled smile.

“The last time we spoke was during freshman year.” Jungwoo points out, unaware he sounded rude, but Jaehyun didn’t seem fazed by it. In fact, he seemed to agree with the statement.

“Do you need something?” Your peripheral vision catches some jealous frowns from the other table, “We’re kind of busy.”

“[L/N] [Y/N].” Jaehyun cocks his head to the side, “I was just wondering why you’re here during midterm season. You never study in the library during this time.”

“How do you know?” You ask, glancing at Jungwoo. He’s already ignored Jaehyun, reading through his notes.

��I like to keep my eye on the competition.”

Even this makes Jungwoo look back at him, moving his gaze back and forth between the two of you.

You stare up at him, a little dumbfounded, before your brows slowly rise up. “So you keep tabs on me?”

“I was really disappointed in myself when I was top 2, you know. But I gotta admit,” He chuckles, “It’s impressive how you were able to beat me a couple of times.”

There was something in his tone that didn’t sit right with you. It wasn’t just him being conceited about it. Is he taunting you?

“Well, it’s not a difficult feat to beat you.” You shot back.

Jaehyun smirks, clearly enjoying this squabble with you. “So you think you could beat me? There’s only two major exams left for senior year. This week’s midterm and next year’s final exams before graduation. You think you could beat me for both?”

“You can bet on it.”

“[Y/N].” Jungwoo whispers, putting a hand on your arm, “What do you think you’re doing?”

“Bet? You wanna bet on it, [L/N]?” Jaehyun straightens himself up and crosses his arms over his chest, emphasizing how tight his sleeves are on his shoulders and biceps.

You could have been swooning with Jungwoo right now but there was a flame of aggression burning in your chest at the prospect of beating Jaehyun and getting him to do something for you. “We can decide what’s at stake after the exams.”

“Deal?” He puts out one hand towards you, a confident smile plastered on his face.

For the brief second you hesitated, you thought of all the possible things he’d ask for. Bragging rights, definitely. Personal assistant, maybe? He wouldn’t ask you to do something wild like run naked during one of his halftimes, would he?

“Scared?” He pulls you out of your thoughts and you huff at him, grabbing his hand and giving it a firm shake.

“Deal.”

Jaehyun grins at you, repeating the agreement, and bids both of you a good day. Once he leaves and joins the table two rows down. Did he really skip his table just to challenge you?

“Are you crazy?” Jungwoo pulls on your arm and you wince at the pain, “The only reason that guy is an honor student and plays for two sports is because he’s competitive as fuck. Don’t you remember he got benched for the consecutive fouls he got in sophomore year because we were losing by 2 points? 2 points! And it was only the first half of the game!”

You do, in fact, remember that time. You couldn’t stay long too watch the game and ran into him while you were heading out. That was the first time you ever interacted with him, as well as putting a face to the name that stole the top spot of the honor’s list. He was visibly annoyed; silently fuming in front of the vending machine and angrily jabbing his finger at the canned iced coffee button. Curiously, you approached him to ask if it was broken and he apologizes, saying he just didn’t have change on him since he was wearing his uniform. He moves away to let you use the machine and you end up buying him one before catching the bus to your old dorm.

“I remember and so what? Do you think he’s going to cheat? He’d be expelled.” You briefly glance at your notes before glaring back at him, “Do you think I can’t beat him?”

“No.” Jungwoo shakes his head, “But what if he does? We don’t know what he would do to you.”

“I’m sure it’ll be fine.” When he opens his mouth to rebut, you quickly ask him, “What’s the atomic number of gold?”

You always entered the classroom during exams with confidence; not an ounce of panic or distress in your system, unlike the rest of the class as they scrambled to check their reviewers a few more times until the teacher came inside. 

Today was a little different.

There was a heavy, upsetting feeling in your stomach all because the bet between you and Jaehyun was nagging at you in the back of your mind. You poured in a few more hours a day to review, even during your part time work at the convenience store Jungwoo’s family owns.

Speaking of Jungwoo, he looked a lot more confident than you. He was fiddling with his pencil and murmuring to himself, probably recalling the terms needed for the exam.

The teacher comes in and the whole class falls silent, sitting straight in their seats. Because you were seniors, Mr. Cho took it upon himself to give a small speech about how this exam isn’t something to worry about as he has full confidence in everyone that they’ve studied well. Of course he said this while smiling at you and you’re hoping you didn’t over-study yourself to the point of blanking out when the test papers are in front of you.

Fortunately, when he was done with his little monologue and finally passed the papers, you were able to breeze through the questionnaire once he gave the go signal to start. You were even able to go through your answers thrice until time was up. Your worries start to ebb away as the day continues on and until the last test is submitted in, you finally feel the weight over your shoulders lift.

“That was exhausting.” Jungwoo complains once he walks over to your table with his bag haphazardly hanging off his shoulder. “Why can’t there be two days for exams?”

“We had too many suspensions because of the monsoons.” You reminded him, standing up once you’ve gathered your things. “But at least it’s over. How was chem?”

He groans, hiding his face into his palms, “I messed up a few of the balancing chemical equations, but I think I did pretty well. I mean, I can only thank my wonderful tutor if I get so much as a B- on chem.”

“Aunty said she’d make yakgwa for us for finishing our midterms. Could you save some for me?”

Students were rushing out of the room, meeting their friends in the hallways to express their joy and relief that the exams were over and discussing their answers. You and Jungwoo always waited until the crowd had thinned before heading out yourselves.

“Sure. Where are you heading off to?”

Reaching your lockers, you grabbed a book and slipped it into your bag. Seeing this, Jungwoo bleats at you.

“We just finished midterms and you’re going to start studying already?”

“The next exam we have is CSAT in November. I just want to start refreshing myself since the coverage is what we’ve learned through high school. I’m not pulling an all nighter or anything.” You close your locker and adjust your bag strap on your shoulder. “Do you wanna join me?”

He makes a face at you, stepping away, “No, mom made yakgwa and I’d like to eat them as soon as possible. I’ll leave you one piece, okay?”

You swing an open palm at his arm and he flinches away, retracting his statement and promises to save you no less than 5 pieces. With that, you two part ways down the hall and you head for the library.

The silence was welcoming as you walked through the automatic sliding doors of the library. There’s a few people scattered throughout the first floor tables, maybe passing time or preparing for CSAT like you — you couldn’t possibly be the only one thinking about it, too. For a change, you head up to the second floor and find a nice corner table that was tucked away between the towering bookshelves of the periodical section.

You set your little station up, taking your pencil case, notebook, and your history book out and setting it down in front of you. Opening it up to the first page of the first chapter, you look through the words you’ve already highlighted, remembering each one while mumbling it to yourself.

“Studying already?”

You gasp, whipping your head up to the newcomer and huffing when you recognize his face. “Oh my god, Jaehyun. Can you not sneak up on me?”

He pauses for a moment before his lips grew into a little smirk, “Midterms just finished and you’re burying your nose into a textbook in the library. I feel like I shouldn’t even be surprised.”

“So I want a head start in reviewing for CSAT, what of it?” You watched him take a seat on an empty chair with disdain. “You’re here, too.”

“Yeah, because I saw you go in here after you separated with your boyfriend.”

“Jungwoo’s not my boyfriend. We’re best friends.” You quickly correct him, “So you’re stalking me?”

Jaehyun sighs, leaning his cheek on his knuckles over the table. “I’m just keeping an eye on the enemy.”

“Enemy?” You frown at him, “You think of me as your enemy?”

“Well, we’re both running to be valedictorian, aren’t we? There could be only one.”

You nod at his words, “Yeah, but I don’t think of you as the enemy. I think it’s too strong of a word.”

“Then what am I to you?”

“Some guy,” You shrug your shoulders, “Some guy who’s in my way.”

Your words make his mouth slowly drop open and you can’t figure out if he’s stunned or offended by your statement. Eventually Jaehyun scoffs in disbelief and smiles, “I’m in your way?”

“Yep.” Emphasizing your answer by popping your lips at the ‘p’, “Like you are now.”

“Am I distracting you?” He gestures to himself and items on the table.

“Obviously.”

“Good.”

You closed your eyes and heaved a heavy sigh, pinching the bridge of your nose. Glancing around, you two were practically concealed in the corner and you couldn’t see where you could move to.

“Are you really here just to annoy me?”

Jaehyun purses his lips and you scold yourself for staring at them. How could a boy have such pretty lips? They look naturally pink and plump. Even Jungwoo’s pouty puckers couldn’t come close to his.

“Unless you consider me trying to get to know you a nuisance, then yes, I am most definitely here to annoy you.”

You prop your elbow up on the table and leaned your cheek on your knuckles, “Now why would you waste your time on something like that?”

He mimics your posture, except he cradles his chin on an open palm, “What makes you think it’s a waste of my time?”

The longer he stares at you, smiling softly with his dimples just peeking through his cheeks, the more your heart beats faster. This was only the third time you’ve ever interacted with him and the most you’ve exchanged words.

“Why are you flirting with me—”

“Why not—”

“ — and don’t,” You unconsciously lean away from him and cross your arms in front of you, “answer with a question.”

Jaehyun pouts, jutting his lower lip out, and it makes you wonder how they feel like; against your fingertips, your skin… your own lips.

Unconsciously, you lick your own lips as you divert your attention down to the open book.

“Hm,” He hums, “Have you thought about what you want if you win our little bet?”

“I have.” You rest your intertwined arms on the table and straighten your back, “Are you free every Friday and Saturday nights?”

There was a sleazy grin on his face that immediately tells you he’s misunderstanding your question. He chuckles, “You don’t have to win a bet if you want to go out on a date.”

You giggle, making it sound as real as you can as you fight the urge to roll your eyes, “I’m not asking for a date, Jung.”

It was oddly satisfying to see his face fall and stutter over his mistake, the tips of his ears turning a little pink.

“I just want you to take a few shifts for me at my part-time job.” You explained, “I work at a family convenience store every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday nights, and every morning on the weekends.”

“So let’s say you do win the bet and I take over your shifts,” Jaehyun grabs your pencil case and inspects it. Seeing it in his hands makes you realize just how old and dirty it was; it’s a furry case that was a shining silver when you first got it, as if the fibers were spun out of real silver. Now it was just a light gray with its once soft fur now patchy and rough. He looks at it contemplatively, “What are you going to do on your free nights?”

“Go on dates, duh.” You roll your eyes at him, gesturing with a hand. After a few seconds of silence, you snort, “I’m kidding. I don’t go on dates — never been on one. What I’d do on my free nights is not your business.”

He looks at you like you’ve grown another head, “You’ve never been on a date?”

“N-no...” You clear your throat, “Unless you consider all the times I’ve went out on Jungwoo—”

“Is he your boyfriend?”

“No!” You hissed, “I already told you that we’re only friends.���

“Then it’s not a date.” Jaehyun says in a-matter-of-fact tone, “You go on dates with people you like to get to know them more. Wait.”

His eyes squint at you, but not in a manner of judgement. It's as if he’s trying to rack his brain for the right words to say.

“You’re a virgin, then.”

You feel your heart drop to your stomach and your cheeks burst into flames. It was purely reflex, reeling your hand and swinging an open palm across his cheek before either of you could blink. The snap of your palm on his cheek left a resounding echo in the nearly empty library and thanks to his pale skin, your handprint grows bright red right away.

It takes a second, but you realize what you’ve done and you begin to pack up your things.

“No, wait,” He grabs your wrist, “I deserve that. Don’t leave yet.”

Against your better judgement, you stayed put, although keeping your book bag on your lap.

He breathes in, “I’m sorry. That was none of my business.”

“Did I,” You move your head closer to the imprint on his face, “Did I hit you too hard?”

He raises his fingers to where you’ve slapped him, doing his best not to wince, “I’ve been through worse. You know, you’re the first girl to ever slap me.”

“Are you insinuating that you’ve done things that you should have been slapped for?” You ask in an incredulous tone, “Either way I can’t say I’m proud of it.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin, by the way. It’s your life.” He licks his lips, “So you want to wait until you’re married?”

You shrug your shoulders, “It’s not that I want to wait until I get married… it’s just… it seems daunting. How do you even know what to do?”

He stifles a chuckle, shaking his head, “It’s human nature. It’s not something you study for.”

“As someone who takes studying seriously, I don’t think I can be put into a situation where I’m expected to do something I have no knowledge on.”

Jaehyun stares at you, considering your words as he slowly nods, “Okay… would you… like to learn?”

You cock your head, thinking you misheard him, “What?”

“I’m asking you if you want to learn… firsthand… about sex.”

When you finally wrap your head around his question after a good minute, you scowl at him, “Is this some ploy for you to get laid?”

“Don’t slap me!” He leans away when you move your arm, “You said you find sex intimidating and I’m telling you it’s not. You think you have to learn to have sex, well then I’ll—”

“Offer to teach me with your extensive knowledge and skills on it?” You deadpan, pulling your lips taut into a tight line. “What makes you think I'd say yes?”

Jaehyun raises his shoulders, “Most girls would have.”

“Oh.” You say, tasting something bitter in your mouth, “So you’ve offered these kinds of services to other people then?”

“No.” He quickly denies, “Just you. Other times, it’s the other way around and before you say anything smart, no, I don’t always say yes.”

Unconsciously, you hug your bag to your chest. You barely know this boy and he’s here offering to teach you about something you have absolutely know nothing about aside from the reproduction aspect. Are you willing to bare yourself to him? You hear the rumors in the girls’ bathroom; how they say he’s good in bed and going as far as calling him a sex god. What does that make you?

“Okay, wait,” Jaehyun starts, “I’m telling you right now so you have time to think it through. I don’t wanna force you so you can say no if you don’t want to and I’ll think of something else. If I win our little bet, let me teach you about sex.”

You internally scream at yourself for even considering his offer. You made a promise that you’ll only focus on school and won’t date to avoid distractions — but what Jaehyun was offering wasn’t even technically dating. What would your parents think about their breadwinner sleeping around with some guy she doesn’t even love? What if the school finds out? How would the girls pining after him, who are undoubtedly prettier than you, treat you, the school nerd?

“I don’t have to think about,” You held your chin up, “Because I’ll be top 1.”

“How tenacious.” He muses, leaning his cheek on his knuckles..

“I can say the same about you.” You mumbled under your breath, checking your phone for the time. “Well, you’ve successfully derailed me from studying.”

He flashes a victorious grin that both gives you butterflies in your stomach and fist clenching in annoyance. “Do you need a ride home?”

“I don’t need you to know where I live.” You snap, “And if you even try to follow me, I promise to get a restraining order against you.”

Jaehyun pouts at you and you feel them again, the butterflies wreaking havoc in your core. “Fine. But I have one more question.”

“And that is?”

“Have you had your first kiss?”

You sneer at him, a little offended, “Yes.”

“Don’t tell me it’s Jungwoo.”

“And if it was?”

He presses his lips together before sighing, “Let me be more specific with that question. Have you ever kissed anyone, not with just your lips, with your mouth — tongue and all.”

You suck your teeth and gaped at him, clearly looking like a deer caught in the headlights. When you had your first kiss with Jungwoo, it was only because both of you were in high school and have yet to kiss anyone. It also served as the reason that neither of you will ever see each other as anything more than friends.

“I’ll take your silence as a no.” Jaehyun hums, “What would you do if I’d kiss you right now?”

“I’d slap you.” You answer immediately, not batting an eyelash to prove how serious you were.

He inhales sharply, “Okay, uhm, what if I asked?”

“Do you always think with your dick?”

“That’s not a no.”

“And you didn’t deny.”

You bite on your lower lip to stop yourself from smiling, looking away when his face breaks into a wide grin. What were you doing? Get a hold of yourself. But… 

“I’ll admit there are times I’ve thought with my dick. Just your average hormonal teenager.”

“And I’ll admit,” You pause, “that I can’t say I’m not completely opposed to kissing you right now. Just, you know, your average curious teenager.”

He studies your face for a moment, “Yeah?” He starts scooting closer until he’s right where the corner of the table is.

“T-this doesn’t mean I’m agreeing to sleeping with you. I’m still firm with my decision of declining your offer.” You raise your hand in front of him and he takes hold of it.

“Maybe this would sway you.”

He waits for you to lean towards him, still holding your hand. His hand was soft and warm around yours, his thumb gently moving over your knuckles like it was fragile. He looks different, almost a little serious compared to the flirty, playful persona he had a few seconds ago; his eyes looked considerably darker, watching you study his face. His lips are parted, just as pink and full like always.

You nervously glanced at the opening of the little area, worried the librarian or another student would catch you two, although it was unlikely since no one really bothered going to the periodical sections.

“Don’t worry.” He whispers, “It’s just you and me here.”

“You’re not going to tell others, are you?”

With his free hand, he tucks your hair behind your ear. It was cliche and you would have pulled away or slapped his hand off, but all you could feel were the butterflies fluttering in your stomach for the third time in the past hour.

“I won’t. Whatever is going to happen stays here between the periodical section shelves.” His eyes shift down to your lips and you gulp when his tongue darts out between his.

“I… don’t know…” You’re losing your ability to speak, tuning everything out and focusing on him.

“It’s okay just follow my lead.” He guides you to lean forward, inclining your body over the table corner. His face was a few inches away, with his breath ghosting over your philtrum, but he doesn’t kiss you yet, waiting for your go signal.

When you fervently nod, he closes the gap between your faces. Just as you thought, he had soft lips; like the petals inside of a rosebud. Cupping your face, he runs his thumb over your cheekbones while he tilts his head to the side for better access. You gasp at the sensation of his tongue skimming along your bottom lip and he uses this as a chance to slip the muscle into your mouth.

It felt foreign, but also oddly nice. He tastes like bitter coffee and sweet mint combined. Without meaning to, you sucked his tongue and he let out a soft groan. Whenever you overhear someone saying how hot it is for a boy to moan, you never understood them until this moment and you want to hear more of it.

You push yourself closer to him, moving your tongue against his and fighting for dominance. Your head was spinning as if he was some hard liquor and you’re getting drunk off of him. When you feel his hand disappear from your cheek and find its way by your chest, inching towards your back, you panic and pull away.

He looks surprised and a little disappointed, nonetheless he doesn’t say anything and watches you. You’re breathless, face hot and flustered, unable to meet his gaze.

“I…” You swallowed, still tasting him on your tongue, “I need to go.”

“I…” Jaehyun nods, “Yeah, okay. Are you sure you don’t need a ride?”

“Yeah, thanks anyways…” Your hand twitches and it was only then both of you realize you were still holding hands. You retract yours first, using it to grab your bag by the strap and shrugging it over your shoulder. “Uhm, bye.”

“Y-yeah, uh, take care.” Jaehyun stays glued to his seat as you scurry off away from him. He stares back at the hand that held yours, discerning how cold it was now that you were gone. He groans, lurching forward to rest his head on his folded arms as he wills his little problem away. You looked so pure and innocent, cheeks bright pink and glowing, looking absolutely breathless from the kiss.

Meanwhile as you hurriedly walk out of the library, you swipe your tongue over your lips, still tasting the mix of coffee and mint. That was your first real kiss. Jung Jaehyun gave you your first real kiss - no, you had your first makeout session with him. You could still feel your cheeks burning at the thought, but you’re hoping it’s just your annoyance at him because he was right.

You really were considering his offer.

“Why are you so nervous?” Jungwoo grabs hold of your hand and pulls your fingernails away from your teeth. “I’m sure you’re number 1. And if Jaehyun is, then he couldn’t have betted on something bad, right? He doesn’t seem like the type.”

It’s been more than a week since the exams and the… event… at the library. It took you a day or two to go back and Jaehyun, thankfully, didn’t turn up. You didn’t tell a single soul, not even Jungwoo, who you’ve been confiding every dark secret you had to.

You both woke up early to see the results posted on the schoolyard before the other students flocked the bulletin board and it’ll be a battlefield for a chance to read the results up close. 

Walking up the rickety bulletin board, you hold your breath before approaching the list for seniors on the left. You could hear your own heart beat hammering in your chest.

“Hey! I’m 53! Dang, that’s 3 spots from being top 50.” Jungwoo points at his name on the middle section of the board. “Ha! Nakamoto Yuta is 51! I just need to surpass him and these other two for the finals. How about you?”

His face drops when he sees you staring at him, crestfallen. It wasn’t hard to spot your name; there were only two spots possible for you and this time it just had to be below Jung Jaehyun’s. Your mouth feels dry as you respond to him, “I’m second…”

“Oh, [Y/N].” He comforts, pulling you into a hug. “Maybe he’ll ask for something petty?”

“Jungwoo, there’s something I need to tell you. Can we go to your club room?” You look back at the school entrance, seeing a few more students come in. Jaehyun was the few students who already had their license so it should be easy to know if he was arriving or already here.

Jungwoo was part of the board games club. You’ve sat in a few times during their club meetings since they only had a few members and it was always fun playing board games that aren’t monopoly or snakes and ladders. Their club room was one of the extra rooms under the library’s second floor that was only accessible outside, beside the anime club, and was very secluded. 

He digs his fingers inside a flower pot on the window sill and fishes out a key that he dusts off before unlocking the door. You enter first while he puts the key back into the soil of the poor, harassed petunia plant.

“Jaehyun said he wants to teach me about sex.” You blurt out once Jungwoo closes the door behind him. His eyes go wide and he pretends to clean his ears.

“Come again?”

“Remember how I went to the library after midterms? He followed me there and we started talking and he kept asking these questions and — and it somehow ended up with him figuring out that I was virgin and I slapped him and then he said if he wins the bet, he’d want to teach me about sex but if I don’t want to then I can say no and he’ll think of something else.” You inhaled deeply once you let it all out like vomit.

Your best friend stares at you, visibly confused, “Wait, that’s a lot to take in… you slapped him and then he offers to teach you sex? And if you can decline it, then why don’t you just say no?”

“We kissed.”

“You what?!” Jungwoo screeches, “You kissed him and you didn’t tell me?!”

“I’m sorry! It’s just,” You shrug your shoulders before defensively crossing your arms in front of you, “you know me, Woo. I’ve never kissed — made out — with anyone before and…”

“You want more?” He finishes for you and you slump down the nearest chair.

Exasperated, you stared up at him, “Tell me I shouldn’t say yes to his offer.”

“I think you should say yes to his offer.”

You sighed in relief, grateful you had someone like him to help you — wait a minute.

“What?!”

He holds his hands up in front of him as you jumped up from your seat, “I mean, if Jung Jaehyun had offered to teach me sex, then I’d definitely say yes. Is it a friends with benefits type of deal?”

“We’re hardly friends. If I say yes, then we’re fuck buddies.” You sit back down and look at the shelves where they kept the board games. “I need time to think about it. Please help me avoid him.”

“[Y/N]...”

You put your hands to your face, “I swear I’m not running away from it. A deal is a deal. I just need a little more time to think about it.”

Out of habit, you bite on your thumb and space out. You’ll handle this situation like how you handle every decision: weigh out the pros and cons.

Pros: you’ll learn something you’ve been very curious about and your “teacher” is quite skilled according to the female populace, so you’re in good hands. It’s not a merit you want, but you can say you’ve slept with the ever popular heartthrob, Jung Jaehyun.

Cons: you could get pregnant regardless of the use of contraception and you’re prone to sexually transmitted diseases. You could get possibly addicted to it to the point it would distract you from school and ruin your chance to get your scholarship.

Where does falling in love with Jaehyun fall under?

You mentally slap yourself; no one is falling in love in this predicament.

The sound of the door opening pulls you out of your thoughts and your eyes meet with sophomore member of the board games club, Mark Lee.

“Oh! No wonder the door is open. What are you two doing here?” He nods at the two of you and you respond with a smile.

“Just needed a private place to talk.” You explain, catching Jungwoo’s gaze. “And you?”

“Oh,” Mark sheepishly scratches the back of his neck, “I was gonna skip my first class to study for recitation on my second one.”

Jungwoo puts a hand on his shoulder, “Don’t worry we all have days for that — unless you’re [Y/N].”

“Hey! I saw that you were top 2! Congrats!” He claps his hands, but eventually stops when he senses neither of you were in a celebratory mood. “Is… something wrong?”

“I was just really… betting on getting top 1. No big deal.” You wave a hand in front of you, “It’s not like being second affects my academic standing.”

“Well, if you won’t celebrate that, then let’s celebrate my birthday! I’m having a party at my place this weekend. Nothing big, just the club and a few other people.” He rubs his hands together, “You don’t even have to give me a gift. Your presence is a gift—”

Mark’s mouth forms into an ‘o’ and he snaps his fingers, “Your presence is a present!”

Maybe Jungwoo laughed out of pity while the younger nearly pissed himself in a fit of giggles, but your mind is thinking about the bet again. What were you going to tell Jaehyun?

By some miracle, Jaehyun didn’t hunt you down for your answer and you wouldn’t say you avoided him since you two never really crossed paths before. Jungwoo’s mom let you and Jungwoo off for your Saturday shifts for Mark’s party and even though he said not to get him anything, you and Jungwoo still got him something.

It was a casual gathering so you didn’t feel the need to get dressed up, however you do enjoy wearing light dresses since it was summer season, throwing a cardigan over your shoulders when the night air gets too cold on the way home. You might be a nerd, but like any other girl, you liked to put on makeup when you felt like it, but today you simply wore strawberry-flavored lip balm.

The two of you were at Mark’s place a little after six and the birthday boy opens the door with a huge grin as you both greet him.

“You’re both here! Come in!” He ushers, stepping to the side. When Jungwoo hands him your gift, he clicks his tongue, “Ay, I said you didn’t have to.”

“We can serve this, you know.” You quip and Mark cocks his head, eyes growing wide when Jungwoo finally drops the gift into his hands.

“Yo! Is this what I think it is?” He exclaims, ripping the lid of the box off to reveal a watermelon.

You’ve never seen anyone get so excited over watermelon before — but maybe that’s what makes Mark loveable. You open your arms to him for a hug and once he returns the gesture, your eyes go down the hallway and see the one person you didn’t expect to see here.

“Uhm,” You push Mark off a little hastily, “I-is that Jaehyun?”

Mark glances back to see the boy in question helping himself to the drinks on the kitchen island, “Yeah. He was my student facilitator during freshman orientation. Do you wanna meet him?”

You scowled, “Oh, we know each other. I didn’t know you two were friends.”

“He’s cool.” Mark shrugs, “Well, let’s go in! I’ll figure how to slice this up.”

“Let me. We don’t want the birthday boy to lose a finger during his birthday, now do we?” You nervously laugh, taking the large fruit away from him. You shot a nervous glance at Jungwoo and it was all he needed to know that you were finally going to talk to Jaehyun.

While Mark and Jungwoo head into the living room, where everyone was gathered, you walk to the kitchen just as Jaehyun was about to return to where everybody was. He stops in his tracks, clearly surprised to see you.

“[Y/N]?”

Hugging the melon to your stomach, hoping it crushes the butterflies before they go wild, you nod, “Hi.”

He was wearing a plain black shirt and some ripped skinny jeans; something so simple but it looked like he walked right out of a photoshoot.

“I didn’t know you know you were friends with Mark.” 

“I said the same thing about you to him.” You look around the kitchen for the knives.

His eyes drag down your body and you suddenly feel self-conscious, “What are you holding?”

Finally spotting the knife rack, you smile at him, “Mark’s birthday gift.”

Walking over to the counter, you pick a knife and a chopping board before removing the watermelon from the box.

“Ah, that’s a smart gift.” He comments, appearing beside you all of a sudden that you flinch as you look up at him, “I’ve never seen anyone love watermelon so much.”

“It’s cute.” You shrugged, starting to slice the fruit up. “Congrats, by the way.”

“Hm?”

“Congratulations.” You peek up at him, “Congrats on being top 1… and winning the bet. I’m surprised you didn’t hunt me down.”

Jaehyun leans on the counter and watches you make delicate movements with the knife, “I figured you needed more time to think about it.”

“Yeah, I did.” You quietly admit, putting the knife down and starting to look for a plate to serve it in.

“So?”

Licking your lips, you swallowed, “Yes.”

“What’s your answer?” He asks, not understanding you had already given him an answer.

You spin in your heels and cross your arms, a little annoyed, “That was my answer. Yes.”

You curse yourself for melting at the sight of his lips quirking upwards and eventually growing into a huge grin.

“Really?”

“Do you want me to take it back?”

“No!” He puts a hand out, “I just can’t believe you said yes. Well, okay then. When do you want to start?”

You didn’t think this far ahead. “I have work Friday nights, weekend mornings, 6-12 noon, and Saturday graveyard shifts.”

He frowns, “You have work later?”

“No, someone filled in for me since I said I’d have a party to attend to.” You hesitated; should you tell him that you live with Jungwoo and work at his family’s convenience store? “I think they expected me to get drunk, but I don’t really drink.”

“What time do you end on Fridays?”

“10pm.”

Jaehyun purses his lips and you realize it’s a habit he makes when he’s thinking. “Then Mondays through Thursdays, after school. Whichever day you want. Basketball training doesn’t resume until next month.”

“Okay.” You slowly say, “Uhm… where?”

He blinks at you, “We can’t do it at your place? Don’t you dorm alone?”

“No!” You vehemently shake your head, “N-no, I’m… renting a room at… Jungwoo’s.”

“You live with him? Is that even allowed?”

“It’s a gray area. Don’t tell anyone.” You instinctively reach out and hold on his arm, giving it a soft squeeze. “Please don’t tell anyone.”

“I won’t.” He licks his lips, visibly having an internal debate within himself. “I guess we can do it at my place. My dad is abroad at the moment and my mom works late shifts.”

“Alright.”

Jaehyun turns around and finds two plates for the watermelon slices, arranging the fruit for you. “Great. So—”

“Wait.” You grab his wrist, “Can we keep this a secret?”

He twists his hand so he’s holding yours, “Of course. Whatever you want.” He brings your hand up to his lips and kisses it.

“This is just a,” You stare at the hand holding yours, “physical relationship, right? I mean, how long does it take for someone to learn sex.”

“Oh, baby.” He chuckles, low and slow, “You can’t learn a whole new world in a few nights. You keep learning new things every time. I’ll teach you the basics up until you have your sexual awakening.”

“And if I never have my sexual awakening?”

He leans closer, just like in the library, and his breath is just ghosting over your lips. He lets go of your hand to tip your chin upwards to him, “Then we keep trying until you do or you find someone else, but that’s a blow to my ego.”

“The next person I should be sleeping with is my boyfriend.” You inch away from him and he reluctantly pulls back from you while you pick up one of the plates, “If I ever get one.”

Jaehyun mimics you, picking up a plate and following you out of the kitchen, but stops you before you pass through the door frame. “Let’s be friends, alright? I don’t like pretending not to know someone I’ll be getting intimate with. You won’t either; I’d like to see you try to explain the sexual tension.”

“Okay.” You enunciate each syllable. “Friends, then.”

He gives you a swoon-worthy smile and you try to leave before doing so, but he stops you again. “By the way, you look really good tonight.”

You roll your eyes, the gesture making him chuckle, and continue to head into the living room, “You’re not so bad yourself.”

The rest of night plays out like how it always does when you’re at a party; you and Jungwoo are stuck by the hip, the board game club members make petty problems with each other bigger than they really are and settle it through — you guessed it — board games, non-club members were taught new board games, and it wouldn’t be a birthday party without cake — being smashed into Mark’s face.

It was a fun night. You almost forgot that you made an agreement with one of the attendees to teach you about intercourse, but you can’t deny Jaehyun had made things a lot more interesting during the evening. You caught him multiple times watching you, especially during your little victories in board games, and he’d either give you a little smile or boldly wink at you. You’re thankful no one caught you getting flustered over it, but it took you some time to calm your heartbeat.

Today was the day. You’re embarrassed about actually preparing yourself today ever since Jaehyun sent you a text the day after you exchanged numbers at Mark’s party. You woke up an hour earlier to exfoliate your body and wore the best undergarments you owned. You didn’t want to try too hard that it’ll be too obvious since you still had school.

You told Jungwoo’s mom that you’ll be home later to tutor a classmate and she didn’t find anything suspicious; you’re just hoping she’ll relay the message to your mom whenever she calls to check up on you. 

Because you didn’t want anybody in school to know you were going home with Jaehyun, you had him pick you up three blocks away from the school district.

“My mom should probably be gone by now.” Jaehyun checks the watch on his wrist briefly before returning his attention to the road, “Do you wanna eat first?”

“No, I feel like throwing up.” You confessed, holding onto the hem of your school skirt. 

“You know you can back out, right?” He shoots you a sympathetic smile, “I don’t wanna force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

“I know. I’m just nervous.”

“I’m not going to jump you the second we get inside. We’ll take it slowly — as slow as you want and need. We don’t even have to go all the way tonight.”

This makes you smile at him. For someone audacious enough to offer sex, one would assume he’d be a jerk, but he’s truly a sweetheart. It was wrong of you in the first place to think he was the stereotypical mean jock in a high school food chain.

“Oh, shit.” He curses under his breath, slowing the car down to a full stop in front of a simple two-story home.

Seeing that he lived in a house in Seoul was enough to tell you that he comes from a rich family, which you should have guessed already since he mentioned his father working abroad. It made you feel uneasy though, knowing you two are from completely different backgrounds.

“My mom’s still home.” Jaehyun checks his watch again, “It’s past 6, she’s late.”

Following his gaze, you see another car in the garage — another indicator of their wealth. 2 cars? Geez.

“The gates are open. She must have forgotten something?”

He doesn’t say anything, driving past the gate and parking it beside the other car. As you both unclipped your seatbelts, you see a door open in your peripheral vision and make eye contact with a young woman.

She looks a little frazzled, but more surprised to see you in the front seat of her son’s car. Getting out of the car, you bowed at her with a smile.

“Jaehyun, I didn’t know you were having someone over. Hello!” She waves at you.

“Hello.” You meekly reply, “I’m [Y/N].”

“What a beautiful name. Welcome! Had I known you were coming, I’d tidy things up more inside and made more dinner.” She frowns, putting a hand on her cheek, “Jaehyun, if the food isn’t enough you can always cook for her, yes? I don’t like having house guests being hungry.”

“I know, mom, I will. Aren’t you late for work?” He gripes, kicking the floor like a child.

She tuts at him, “I thought I left the oven on so I had to turn back around. Don’t worry about me. What are you two going to do?”

Her eyes are looking straight at yours and you answer in the steadiest voice, “Well, Jaehyun and I are the top two students and our teachers asked us to work together to help create reviewers for the upcoming CSAT.”

Jaehyun’s mom gasps, “Already reviewing for CSAT?”

“Well, it would take some time before we figure out the topics we need to focus on, compile everything, have it approved,” Jaehyun drawls, glancing at you, “Mom, aren’t you running late?”

She wags a finger at him, returning her attention to you. “Top 2, you say? My, then you’ve quite got a brain on you. A beautiful face and a beautiful brain; your parents must be so proud of you.”

“Thank you.” You feel your face grow warm, not used to compliments at all. “But I hope you don’t take offense to this, Mrs. Jung, but I have every intention of beating Jaehyun and claim top 1.”

This makes her laugh, “A feisty one! Well in case you do, my Jaehyunnie has his momma to comfort him.”

“Mom.” Jaehyun strains, pointedly looking at her.

“Remember this: he blushes with his ears.” She winks at you and this makes him physically usher her to her car. She waves at you, “It was nice meeting you, [Y/N]! Come by again soon! Make sure you bring her home, Jaehyun.”

“Okay, Mrs. Jung.” You wave back, stifling your giggle as Jaehyun continues to hassle her into her car, but not before she demands to kiss him on his cheek.

When she was finally coerced into leaving and left you two alone, Jaehyun lets you into the house. 

“I’m sorry about my mom.” He sighs, removing his shoes and handing you spare house slippers.

“It’s fine. I’m not as nervous as I was on the way here.” You wear the slippers he hands you and put your shoes beside his on the mat. You look around and spot some picture frames on the wall, approaching one family photo. “You’re an only child?”

He stands beside you, “Yeah. That explains why my parents and I act like best friends.”

“Aw,” You coo, moving to a baby picture, “Baby Jaehyunnie is so cute.”

“Okay,” He puts a hand on your shoulder and gently pulls you away from the wall, “That’s enough. Let’s go up to my room.”

On the way up to the second floor, you start to tense up; his arm was still around you like he was a personal escort to your deflowering. From the stairs, his room was the second door to the right. 

It was a lot cleaner than you expected, although it had trophies and certificates that proved his achievements growing up. It reminds you of the living room back at home; a shelf full of awards for spelling bees, best in subjects, and honor certificates. You remember the pride and joy in your parents’ eyes every time they put a new one up.

“Are you sure you don’t want anything to drink?” Jaehyun asks, closing the door behind him.

“I’m good.” You walk over to his bed and sit down on the edge, looking everywhere but him. He had a fancy looking computer set-up in the corner of the room by another door that probably leads to his bathroom. “So… what now?”

The space on the bed beside yours dips, “Let’s get you in the mood first. Look at me.” His hand falls on your thigh; most of it still over your skirt but his fingertips touch your skin.

You look down at his hand before meeting his piercing gaze, without meaning to, you lean away from him.

His expression immediately softens, “I’m gonna remind you that you can still back out. I don’t want to force you into doing something you’re not sure about.”

“How do I get into... the mood?” 

“Remember how we kissed in the library?” Jaehyun says, “Let’s do that again. This time, I’m gonna touch your body, alright? There’s no table between us now. You can touch me, too.”

Your mouth goes dry at the memory. Ever since you went back to that area in the library, you can’t help but think about kissing him. It makes your face burn, heart rate pick up, and core clench. “Okay.”

His other hand tips your chin upward to make you face him, “You’re so cute, you know? So innocent like a little kitty.”

He kisses you all of a sudden, just pressing his lips over yours. The fingers on your chin move to tuck your hair back behind your ear just like last time and he whispers, “I haven’t stopped thinking about our kiss. If you only knew how excited I am that I get to kiss you again… kiss you and more.”

And more.

There it is again, the action your body never made before; your vagina clenching at his words. Your breath hitches as he slowly moves forward, capturing your lips once more. Just like before, he tastes like coffee and mint. The kiss is gentle and calm, almost tentative, like he’s giving you a chance to stop him. You bring your hands up to his chest and nape, threading your fingers on his soft, thick hair. And when you feel his tongue glide along your lips, you part your lips for him and everything just clicked.

The kiss grew carnal; desperate for more. His hands have moved to hold your midriff, thumbs just barely caressing the bottom of your breasts. It felt too hot — literally. You wanted to take your clothes off, but you don’t know how to feel about him seeing you naked, which was a dumb thought since you had to be naked to have sex.

“I wanted to kiss you so badly at Mark’s party.” He confesses when he pulls away to catch his breath, panting over your mouth, “If you’d have let me, I would’ve taken you upstairs and fucked you there.”

Fucked. You’ve only ever used the word to curse so hearing it from him as something he’d do to you sounds like it would hurt.

“But I want to take my time with you,” He kisses the corner of your lips, trailing down your jaw until he settles on a spot on your neck that simultaneously tickles yet you crave for more, “I’ll show you a whole new world you’ve been missing out on.”

You slide your arm around him, instinctively pulling him closer to you as he finds a new patch of skin on your neck to kiss. You couldn’t help but moan when you feel his teeth lightly biting your flesh.

“You even sound cute.” He muses, working his lips back up your face. “This is lesson number one: foreplay. It can stretch on for hours, but this helps make penetration a lot easier.”

Damn. Penetration is such an ugly word, but the way he said it made it sound hot. When a hand comes over your breast, your entire body freezes and he stops.

“Is this too fast for you?”

“N-no, I’m just not used to it.” You take a deep breath, “Please keep going.”

Jaehyun smiles, “You’re liking it so far?”

You nod, bashfully bowing your head in embarrassment. Other girls must be throwing themselves at him at this moment.

“Can you learn with your head down?” He playfully scolds, “Keep your eyes on me.”

He kisses you again, slipping his tongue into your mouth as his hand tenderly squeezes your chest. He starts to nudge you to fall back against his bed and he tugs your shirt out from being tucked into your skirt to sneak his under. His fingers leave a hot trail in their wake, burning your skin the most satisfying way, reaching for its previous purchase but hindered by the tightness of your school blouse.

He pulls away once more and you whine, chasing after his lips. With a little chuckle, he grants you a quick peck. “Can I take your clothes off or do you want to do it yourself?”

“I’ll do it.” You start to pop the buttons of your shirt when you hesitated, “Wait, what do you prefer?”

“Don’t think about it; this is about you.”

“No, this is about you teaching me about sex and among the few things I know about sex is that it’s all about making each other feel good. So this is about you, too.”

Jaehyun stares at you, considering your words and smiles to himself, “Alright. We can do it together. Unbutton my shirt for me.”

He reaches for the button beneath the last one you had unbuttoned and continues down the line, licking his lips as more of your skin is exposed. Meanwhile, you shakily began to unbutton his.

Sensing your nervousness, Jaehyun ducks his head back to your neck to kiss it. It makes you sigh, losing your grip on the button you’ve working on and when you try to blindly find it, your fingers find the smooth, hard muscle of his chest instead.

He momentarily pulls away to push your blouse off your shoulders, kissing each one before moving to your collarbones. You feel your face heat up as you completely shrug your shirt off and throw it by your feet. His face is right above your chest, kissing down your sternum and just over the swell of your breast.

He tugs on your skirt’s zipper as he does this, jerking the flimsy material off your hips once you lifted yourself up off the bed to help him. He stands up in front of you, pushing you back until you’re lying down on the bed.

“It feels like an honor to see you like this.” He finishes popping the buttons you failed to remove, shrugging the material off his upper body and leaving you to ogle his body. It’s no surprise he’d have such a good physique from all the sports he does.

“Oh, you have an outie.” You pointed out, biting back a giggle. “That’s cute.”

Jaehyun looks down with a slight pout and covers his belly button, “Is that what you’re really looking at?”

“My baby brother has one and it reminded me of him.” You shake your head, almost forgetting you’re nearly naked in front of him, “Sorry.”

He hooks one finger each on your socks and drags them down your legs until they’re completely off and joining the rest of your uniform on the floor. He climbs onto the bed and hovers over you, watching your reaction as he cups your midriff and raises it up to one of your breasts.

His hand was warm and heavy, gently kneading your breast, and focusing his thumb over your nipple. Straddling your hips, he gives your neglected breast the same treatment with his other hand. You’ve never even touched yourself like this, not even when you lather soap on your body, and it felt so good. 

“Let’s take this off of you, hm?” He reaches between your back and the mattress, unhooking your bra faster than you could have. Once he slips the straps off your arms, you instinctively cover yourself and he chuckles, “Can I see them please?”

It annoyed you that he spoke to you like a child, but you relent and drop your arms to your side, looking away from him.

“Ah, beautiful.” He murmurs, putting his hands back over each of your breasts. Without warning, he bends down and licks your nipple causing you to gasp and grab his shoulders. He doesn’t say anything, continuing to lick and suck one nipple and rub his thumb over the other until they’ve both hardened and pebbled. He switches between them for a while until he pulls back, satisfied after seeing your flustered face. “Did you like that?”

“It felt weird at first,” You admitted, “But I liked it.”

“That’s good.” He kisses your forehead and moves so he was practically lying beside you, “So you like having your boobs played with.”

You don’t know how to respond to that, but you don’t have to because he kisses you again. A little more confident, you tried to slip your tongue into his mouth and you’re met with a happy, surprised hum. He lets you take over this kiss, welcoming your tongue.

“You’re getting good at kissing.” He comments as soon as you two break for breath of air.

“It’s addicting.”

“You’re addicting.” Jaehyun counters, pressing his lips on your jaw. “So sweet.”

His hand soothingly rubs your side; up and down in a lazy manner while locking lips with you again. He then brings his hand between your legs, making you flinch and gasp into his mouth. Instead of asking if it was okay first, he decides to continue his action, moving three fingers over your panties.

You want to shut your legs close, but his thigh is holding one of them down. 

“Do you want me to stop?” He asks when you cover his hand with your own.

“N-no, not really.” You hide your face in the crook of his neck as you press his hand over your clothed mound. “Keep going.”

“Do you like this more than playing with your boobs?”

“I think so.”

Jaehyun stops to slip his hand into your panties and you choke down a moan. “You can be as loud as you want. Let me hear you so I know you feel good.”

His fingers slide along your labia, petting you like a kitten. You’ve never even masturbated before yet here you are having someone else’s fingers touch and please you.

“Ah, there it is.” He chuckles into your ear, making you look up at him, “You’re getting wet.”

“Don’t tell me that!” You scold, shying away from him, but he quickly maneuvers his body so he’s back on top of you.

He starts to push a single finger inside of you, observing the way your mouth drops open at the new sensation. You’re wrapping quite nicely around his finger, sucking the digit in bit by bit the more you clenched your walls. When he starts to move it in and out of you, you whimper, holding him by his shoulders again.

“Does it hurt?”

You shake your head. It didn’t hurt, but it just felt too odd and new for you to like it just yet. 

Jaehyun continues his action a little longer until you start getting used to it, even when he adds another finger. This was your first taste of pure, unadulterated sexual pleasure. It was just as addicting as kissing him and the longer he does it the more your toes curl.

You let out a loud moan, a sound neither of you expected. Fueled by your moan, Jaehyun pumps his fingers into you faster. A hybrid of moan and cry falls from your lips as a surge of pleasure pulsates through your veins. You shut your eyes and hold onto his bulging arm for support, curling your upper body towards him. You could hear the wet squelch as he fingered you.

There was something tightening in the pit of your stomach and you can’t decipher if it was good or not, but when Jaehyun removes his hand from your underwear and the feeling disappears, you want to cry.

“Why’d you stop?” You whine, pulling his hand back.

“I don’t want you to come yet. I don’t think it’s best for you to be too sensitive on your first time.” He kisses your forehead before sitting up to put the two fingers he had in you into his mouth. He moans a little, “Sweet.”

He starts to take your underwear off, rolling it off your hips down to your ankles. He chuckles at your attempt to squeeze your thighs together and hide your pussy from him.

“D-do you have a condom?” You stutter, trying to stall him.

“I do. I always have one.” He nods at the drawer by his bed. “But I wasn’t going to do that yet.”

He massages your thighs, silently coaxing you to open your legs for him. Still covering yourself, you obediently part your legs and he makes himself comfortable between them with his face right by your core.

“This is my favorite kind of foreplay. If you don’t mind, I’d like to show it to you.” He kisses your knuckles, “There’s nothing to be shy about, [Y/N].”

You let him pry your fingers off your, watching his eyes light up once they lay their sights on your pussy as if they had discovered gold. With two fingers, he spreads your labia apart and you hold your breath as he veers forward to latch his mouth onto you. You gasp, bucking your hip upward at the sensation of something wet and warm against such a private part.

You could feel his tongue slithering and teeth teasingly nibbling at your lower lips. Again, it felt so foreign and unusual, but so, so, so good. You moaned out his name and he groaned in response, the vibration adding fire to the burning pleasure he’s building up in you.

Like last time, when you start to feel that knot in your stomach, Jaehyun pulls away and you whimper in frustration.

He stands up to walk over to the drawer, fetching the condom you requested for and returns to the foot of the bed. “Scoot up a little.”

After doing so, you watch as he unzips his pants, letting it fall to the floor with his boxers.

“That’s not gonna fit.” You immediately fold your legs close and sit up. Are penises supposed to be this big? It’s entire length is pink and veiny, while the tip was a bit more red. It bobbed up and down as he clambered onto the bed, pointing at you as if it knew you were its prey. Gulping, you repeat, “That’s not gonna fit. I can’t do this.”

“It will. You’ll stretch around it. Give me your hand.” He kneels in front of you, knees apart.

You give your hand to him and he brings it around his cock. It was a lot warmer than his hand. You wrap your fingers around it a tad tighter and he moans, biting his lip. Meekly, you ask, “Do you like that?”

“Sorta. Here.” He moves your hand over his length, all the way to the tip and back to the base. “I like it better this way.”

“Like this?” You followed what he showed you, twisting your wrist a bit.

“Yes, fuck, like that.” Jaehyun closes his eyes, letting you take over. “Just like that.”

With his eyes closed, you feel a little more comfortable studying his body up close. He has such pretty skin, fair and flawless. His muscles were beautifully defined, rippling with every movement, especially the muscles on his abdomen as they flexed with each sharp breath he takes. Your attention is brought to cock in your hand after feeling it twitch a couple of times. The tip started to glisten under the lights of his room. You watched in amazement as a small, translucent white substance emerges from the tiny opening on the top, something akin to a pearl, and it dribbles down to your fingers.

He had your mouth on your genitals and you liked it. Will he like it if you do the same? 

You bend forward to taste the thick liquid on the tip of his cock. It was incredibly salty and just as hot as his length as you continued to work your fist around him. Wanting to taste more of him, you bring your lips over his tip.

“What the fuck?!” He exclaims, hands flying to your shoulders, and you immediately pull away.

“I’m sorry.” You retract your hand away from his body.

“No! No, you just caught me off guard.” Jaehyun takes hold of your hands and smirks, “I didn’t expect you to blow me.”

You look away, flustered at his expression, “I was curious.”

“It’s okay. God, you’re so cute.” He cups your cheeks and kisses you, “I’ll teach you some other day, okay? I don’t think I’ll last a second if you use your pretty little mouth on me.”

“O-okay.”

“Now watch, this is how you put a condom on.” He takes the foil square and rips it open. He shows you the condom, pushing the center out a bit to pinch the end, and places the rubber ring on the tip of his cock. He rolls it down about a quarter way until he stops and grabs your hand, “Finish putting it on for me.”

Without another word, you obey him, pushing the ring down until his cock is completely sheathed with minor difficulty.

“Lie down.”

Once again, you silently obey him, maintaining eye contact with him. He adjusts your position in front of him by grabbing your hips and parting your legs to kneel between them. He runs his hands over your thighs, “Are you ready?”

“I think so.”

“I need you to be sure.” He leans down to kiss your belly. “I’m not going to continue if you’re not a hundred percent sure.”

“I am.” You nod, “I’m sure.”

He kisses up to your neck, licking the expanse of skin. “This is going to hurt, okay? You just have to relax. The more you tense up, the more it’ll be difficult for both of us, and the more it’ll hurt for you. Just relax.”

“Okay.”

Jaehyun kisses your lips, flicking his tongue into your mouth for a brief moment. He tasted a little different now. Was it from him giving you oral? Were you tasting yourself on him?

“If the pain is too much, just tell me and I’ll stop.” He sits back up, holding his cock in his hand and positioning it right in front of your entrance. He waits for a while, moving a fist over his length as he studies your face. “I’ll ask you once more, [Y/N]. Do you really want to do this? Not because of the bet, but because you really want to?”

“Yes. I do.” You answer in a firm voice. When you give him a little nod, he runs the tip of his cock over your entrance a few times until he pushes into you.

It definitely hurt. It was like you were trying to put something where it didn’t belong. Although it was bearable, your body’s instinct was to stop it.

“Fuck, [Y/N], baby, please relax, you’re squeezing me.” He grips your thighs with a sense of urgency, “Relax, baby.”

You’re breathing heavily, trying to do as he says. You look down between your bodies and you feel your eyes well up with tears when you see he’s barely halfway in. You don’t know how but you try to accommodate his girth. 

When he’s pushed the remaining inches inside you, you choke down a sob. It hurt a lot. You feel stretched out and full; unable to open your eyes as you absorb the pain. But underneath it all, you can’t deny that it felt good in a way.

“Are you okay? Shit,” He starts to pull out and you yelp.

“No! No! Don’t move. Please don’t move. Just,” You hold onto his shoulders, sniffing, “Let me get used to it. You’re… big.”

Jaehyun chuckles, “At least it fits.”

“Barely.” You retort. As you blink, the tears drip from the corner of your eyes. They left a cool trail over your burning face. He kisses each one, lapping the tears up with his tongue.

“Tell me when it’s okay to move, alright? Just don’t… squeeze me too hard or else I’ll come before I get to make you come.” He sees you pout as you move your head to acknowledge him and he can’t help himself but kiss you again.

It helps distract you from the subsiding pain. You try to think of other things as well. Is he always this sweet to the other girls he sleeps with? You hope your first boyfriend would be like him.

A surprised moan escapes you after you try to pull him closer to you and your hips move against his. For a moment, you even forgot he was inside you. He has a wide grin on his face, clearly pleased at hearing this. With a hold on your hips, he slowly pulls out of you and just before the tip is out, he pushes back in. He observes your reaction, slowly gaining speed as your mouth loses its ability to close and is perpetually agape, letting a string of whimpers and mewls escape you.

“Lesson 2 is all about positions, baby.” Jaehyun starts, falling forward and uses one arm to hold himself up above you, “This is the most basic one: missionary. Guy on top.”

You can’t even process his words, mind clouded with lust as your body experiences something it never has before. It felt good… amazing — you couldn’t even explain it.

“How are you feeling, [Y/N]?”

“So,” You gasped, “Good.”

“Yeah?” He moves the hand on your hip up to your chest, giving one of them a hard squeeze. “You feel really good; nice and tight.”

He gives a particularly hard thrust and you gasped, holding onto his shoulders for purchase. “I’m going to go a little faster. Tell me if it’s too much and I’ll slow down.”

Right as he said it, his thrusts grew faster and faster. His movements shook the bed, the headboard bumping into the wall. Your body was burning hot, like he was pumping lava right inside your body, filling you up until you’re melting in his hold. 

“Jaehyun.” You moan, arching your back off the mattress. You don’t even know why you’re calling out to him. You just want to chant his name, so you did.

“God, I wish you could see yourself, baby. You’re taking me so well for your first time. Does it still hurt?”

“No.” You mewl, “I feel really good.”

“You’re so pure, [Y/N]. Fucking precious. Now look at you, enjoying your first time at sex. Think of all the other things I can teach you; things that’ll corrupt your innocent little mind.”

You whimper at his words. He sounds like he’s degrading you but why does it sound so hot? You voluntarily clench around him and earn a guttural moan from him.

“And you’re fucking enjoying it, aren’t you?” Jaehyun brings a hand down between you and massages your clit. “Like a fallen angel.”

There it was again; that tightening feeling in the pit of your stomach. You were afraid he’ll notice like the last two times and he’ll stop, but he doesn’t. His hips start to move frantically, gyrating against yours as he enters you deeper.

“Jaehyun.” You cry, “Wait—”

“It’s okay, baby, just let it go.” He hushes you, “I’m going to give you your very first orgasm.”

The fingers on your clit rubbed faster and you try to stop him, “Oh god—”

You feel like your bladder is full and you explode, convulsing beneath his body as his thrusts slowed to a stop. He kisses you, sloppily on the mouth, drowning out all your moans. You feel lightheaded, head spinning as you catch your breath after he moves his lips to your cheek.

“I—” You wheeze, “Wow.”

Jaehyun laughs, pecking your cheeks repeatedly. “Cute.”

His cock is still inside you, hard and throbbing. He sits up and carefully pulls out of you until his cock is freed and bobbing up to hit his abdomen. The sheer latex is shining with your essence. It hits you late, but you’re not a virgin anymore. You didn’t feel any different — well, you felt like you were on cloud nine — but you didn’t feel like anything changed.

You watch Jaehyun as he takes the condom off, tossing it to the floor and begins to touch himself. “What are you doing?”

“Just finishing myself off. You can rest up a bit and we can have dinner.”

“Can’t I help you? Why didn’t you come in me?” You sit up, although your body feels heavy.

“You can help me just by spreading your legs and giving me a nice view of your pussy.” Jaehyun kisses you, “Besides, you’re sensitive after coming. I wouldn’t want to overstimulate you on your first time.”

“I’m not sensitive.”

He raises a brow at you, pushing you back on the bed and ducking his head between your legs. He blows a soft puff of air on your vagina and you flinch, automatically trapping his head between your thighs as you try to close them.

“See? Be a good girl and listen to your teacher.” He teases, turning his attention back to your core.

“Then…” You lick your lips, “How about teaching me how to give a blowjob now?”

Jaehyun looks stunned, “I’m starting to think you’re not a virgin from the get-go…”

“Hey,” You frowned, “Why would I lie about that? I just like to learn.”

“Then you probably have a nympho asleep in you.” He crawls beside you, sitting against his headboard and motions for you to go between his legs.

Once you situate yourself between his legs, you take his dick into your hand and form a fist around it. He’s a lot wetter now, sticky from all the precum that accumulated. “Would it be a good thing if we wake her up?”

“Maybe.” He pets your head while you find a position you’re comfortable in, settling to lie flat on your stomach with his angry, leaking cock just by your face. “I’d love to see her.”

You kiss the tip, tasting the salty substance on your lips. You look up at him as you hesitantly licked him, collecting more of the precum on your tongue. He nods, chewing at his bottom lip. Glancing down at his cock, you lick a strip from the base of his length up until the tip. You do it a few more times until you wrap your lips around the head and gently suck.

“Fuck.” He grips your hair, the action stinging your scalp, “Don’t focus on the tip just yet. Try to take my entire cock in your mouth.”

“The entire thing?” You repeat, “Are you aware how thick this is?”

“Then take as much as you can. I’ve never been deepthroated before.” He sounds a little proud as he tells you this. He adjusts his grip on your hair, combing most of it to hold it back like a ponytail.

“Deepthroat? You mean shoving this thing all the way into the back of my throat? That sounds like torture.”

“I’m not telling you to do it. I’m just saying I’ve never had anyone put my entire cock into their mouth without gagging so badly.” He shrugs, “This is what you do: put as much as you can in your pretty little mouth and hold onto the rest, squeeze me a little, maybe twist your hand a bit. Just don’t bite me.”

You follow his instructions, getting probably a little more than a half of his length into your mouth.

“Now suck.” When he feels your lips wrapping snuggly around him, he pulls your head away from his cock and pushes you back down. “Again.”

You treated him like a salty push-pop, bobbing your head as you continue to suck him. His grip loosens on your hair once you get the hang of it and don’t need his guidance. Although you still look up at him through your lashes to make sure you’re doing okay and from the way his dick twitches in your mouth, he definitely likes it.

Curiosity and greed gets the better of you; is deepthroating him that big of a challenge? You push yourself down on him until your lips are at the base. Both your mouth and throat are squeezing down on him as you still attempt to suck his cock.

“Oh my god.” Jaehyun groans, throwing his head back and re-tightening his grip on your hair. “Fuck, [Y/N].”

You like how he moans your name and you want to hear more of it. Flattening your tongue on the underside of his dick, you dragged your mouth up just before releasing the tip and plunged his length back to your throat.

There was a frustrated grunt from him as he holds your head in place and starts to thrust into your mouth. It was a lot harder to control your gag reflex like this, but you stayed put and let him do as he pleases; it’s getting you excited, too. Tears spring to your eyes as you start to choke, losing your breathing pattern for a moment when his movement became sporadic.

“Oh, fuck.” He stills, plugging your entire mouth with his cock and making it a little hard to breathe. Warmth drips down your throat and once his grip loosens, you pull away. His cock is still twitching, still shooting out the thick liquid in your mouth.

And quite frankly, you hate it.

Out of courtesy, you wait until he’s done, falling slack against his headboard. As he catches his breath, he gives you a sleazy smile, reaching out to you but you bolt away from him.

“[Y/N]?” He worriedly calls out after you as you run into his ensuite bathroom.

Hurriedly, you switch the lights on and knelt down in front of the toilet to spit his load. You’ve never tasted something that foul in your life. It was like you tried to swallow salty battery acid — and you don’t even know what battery acid tastes like.

You feel fingers in your hair as Jaehyun helps you hold your hair back when you end up gagging yourself and emptying the contents of your stomach.

“I don’t want to do that again.” You wheeze, wiping the back of your hand over your mouth before flushing the toilet.

“That’s too bad, but for the record, I didn’t tell you to deepthroat me.” He helps you up and gestures you to the sink.

“I didn’t mean the deepthroating part,” You open the faucet and begin to wash out your mouth of the acidity left over, “I meant swallowing. Do other girls swallow your cum and not complain?”

He looks slightly offended, “Most do, some don’t…”

You pat your lips dry with tissue paper and throw it in the bin, “Then they’re either lying about wanting to swallow or your cum burned their taste buds off.”

Jaehyun huffs, “It can’t be that bad.”

“Then see for yourself.” You’re about to step forward when you feel something drip down between your thighs. The same translucent substance is dribbling down your length and you quickly clean it off with tissue paper.

“Are you hurting though?”

You glance back and you become hyper-aware that you’re still both very naked, and despite being intimate with each other just a few minutes ago, you become shy around him.

He’s quick to take notice of your sudden change in demeanor, trapping your body against the sink. He kisses your shoulder, “We just had sex, what are you getting shy for?”

“I don’t know.” You look at him through the reflection. Is this what it feels like having a boyfriend? You avoid his gaze just before he meets it through the mirror; you shouldn’t have those thoughts while you’re with him.

“Well, that’s our lesson for today. Unless you want to review.” He chuckles, cupping your boobs and kneading them with his palms.

You tear his hands away and laugh, “It’s a school night.”

“Oh, so if it wasn’t, you’d be down to go another round?”

You shrug your shoulders, “I thought you would have already figured out that I like to review things I’ve learned. Repeatedly. Even though I’ve understood the lesson already.”

“Fuck, [Y/N], don’t say things like that. I’ll get hard again.” He tuts, pinching your ass.

You yelp, giggling as you dodge another pinch from him. 

“Let’s get dressed and let me feed you before I take you home.” Jaehyun hums with a small smile, cupping your cheeks and kissing your lips.

Your heart flutters; a different kind of warmth floods your senses. It feels like all the holidays you get to go back to your family, greeting your siblings with bear hugs, and scarfing down all the meals your mother made from scratch. You move away from him, blinking your eyes and looking mortified at your realization.

Jaehyun mirrors your expression, pupils shaking as awkward silence surrounds you.

“Uhm,” He clears his throat, “I…”

“Can I,” You say at the same time with him, “use the bathroom?”

“Yeah, sure, I’ll— I’ll, uh, go down to the kitchen and dinner— prep dinner — prepare dinner.” He leaves you in the bathroom and closes the door for you.

You immediately wash your face to cool it down. What the hell was that? It couldn’t be what you thought it was. It should be the last thing on your mind after having sex with him. Falling in love with Jaehyun is out of the question; you want a storybook kind of romance — meet him in a bookstore type of situation. Not making a bet in the library that involves losing your virginity.

You switch the tap off and go out to put your clothes on. You stare at the mattress, the one you just lost your innocence on, and somehow remember Jaehyun’s face after the last kiss. It looks like he didn’t want to be in that kind of relationship with you either. You’re just another girl that he sleeps with and he’s just someone teaching you the ropes of it all. That’s all there is here.

“Wanna take a break?”

You gasp out loud, dragging the tip of the neon green highlighter upwards onto words that didn’t need it. You stare at the jagged line in shock before sending a piercing glare to the reason behind it.

Jaehyun sheepishly apologizes, sitting down on the chair to yours.

“Why aren’t you studying for CSAT?” You cap your highlighter and close your review material.

It’s been a couple months now and Jaehyun still had plenty of things to teach you in terms of sex, but ever since his basketball training started, your meetings turned into something just a twice or thrice a month rather than the usual once every week. 

He’d taught you a handful of positions — that you all liked — and learned how to have sex in different places like under the bleachers and at the back of his car. Like in the very secluded corner of the library you two were in right now. He had you bent over the table once and from the looks of it, he wanted to do it a second time.

“I’m done for the day. You should take a break, too, you know.” He moves your materials away from you, “You’re top 2 in school. You don’t need to study that hard for CSAT.”

“Is there something else you want me to study?” Flirting with him got a lot easier, although you still get flustered from time to time, you’re still able to hold a flirty banter with him.

He taps your nose, “Smart girl. What are all the lessons I’ve taught you so far?”

“Foreplay. Positions. Masturbation,” You whisper; the library was full today since everyone was reviewing for the test this weekend. A few weeks back, he gave you “homework” to masturbate while thinking about him but with barely any privacy in your place and feeling awkward to even touch yourself, you failed the very first homework of your entire life. He made you sit between his legs and watch porn, guiding your hands in your panties. Shrugging, you finish answering, “And places. Is there still something you have yet to teach me?”

“Kinks.” Jaehyun slowly drags the tip of his tongue along his bottom lip, staring at your lips.

“Like… fetishes?” You glance at the opening of your secluded area, “You have fetishes?”

“A good number of them.” He hums, “But forget about me. We’re going to see if you have any kinks.”

“Well,” You feel embarrassed to say this out loud, but you’ve actually researched these things already. You wanted to surprise Jaehyun with something, but you never knew when to since he’s always in command of how things go, “I’ve read a couple of things.”

He grins at you, “Oh? Advance reading?”

You roll your eyes, “Shut up.”

“Okay, okay, sorry. So?”

“Your hands.”

“My hands?” He lifts one up in front of his face, “What about them?”

You get distracted just by seeing them, “Uhm, I like it when you touch me with them.”

There’s a growing smirk on his lips, “Touch you where?”

“Anywhere.” You watch as he holds his hand out to you and cup your cheek, “Everywhere.”

“Everywhere?” He repeats, moving his hand down to your neck and wraps it around your throat. “Even here?”

You gasp, your own hands flying to grab his wrist, “Jaehyun.”

“I’m not going to actually hurt you. Choking can be hot; it can increase pleasure during sex.” His gaze flickers down to where he held you, “It brings out this innocent little look on your face that I love.”

You scoff, “I’ve learned that you have a corruption kink.”

“And you’re to blame. God, it’s been months of fucking you but you’re still so innocent.” Jaehyun brings his hand down to your thigh, “Like a tainted angel.”

“I’m hardly an angel now.”

“Oh? Then spread your legs right now.”

You blink at him, “Now? But—”

“See? You’re hesitating.”

“I’m not doing this with you here, not when there are clearly more people in the library compared to the last time.”

He frowns, almost pouting, crossing his arms in front of him like a child put on timeout. He glances around and swiftly moves his chair beside yours. 

You warily watch him, confused at his actions until he brings his hand back to your thigh. “What are you doing?”

“No one’s gonna see and if you keep quiet, they’ll never know.” He inches his fingers under your skirt, close to touching your mound but you stop him.

You can’t deny that doing something risky like this in public — in school — gets you excited, although at the end of the day, you had to keep your dignity. You’re glad he’s kept his mouth shut about this arrangement as well, but it was rather odd that his friends don’t wonder where he goes off to when he goes to you.

“You’re already so wet, baby.” His fingers drew lines over your panties that were undeniably wet the moment he came up. It was a natural reaction for your body to want him just by looking at him at this point, craving to be touched like you are now.

Baby. He calls you this so fondly. Of course, it was only during times like these when he does so, but it makes your insides gooey and your heart flutter.

You exhaled slowly, eyes wide and staring at him. He merely smirks, thinking it was from his fingers slipping past your panties. This was the worst possible scenario; being fingered in public while you were reviewing for the CSAT — the test you cared about passing the most — by a boy out of your league and realizing you’re falling for him.

You’ve done so well for the past months to foster such feelings for him. Why now? Why now while you’re in the middle of messing around with him? While you were studying for the single most important test of your entire student life?

He flexes a finger inside of you and you flinch, grabbing his arm and biting down your lip.

“You like that, huh?” He teases, kissing your ear.

It’s not the only thing I like, you scream in your thoughts.

It doesn’t take long for you to come, shaking in his hold as he softly sucks on a patch of skin under your ear. He even fixes your panties for you before pulling his hand away and licking his fingers clean of your essence.

He notices how you’re still distraught, blown out eyes staring up at him and heaving slowly, and asks if you’re okay.

You manage to nod at him, waving his concern off and adjust yourself in your seat.

Jaehyun stands up and puts the chair back in its proper position, “I’ll go now. Good luck this weekend.”

“You, too.” You mutter, watching him leave and your heart drops. You’re not stupid. You know he’s only using you for sex and it wasn’t something you minded because you were benefiting from it too. He doesn’t see being in an actual romantic relationship with you, and you can’t blame him for it. You’ve made it very clear that school is your priority.

The only thing left to do is either tell him about your feelings and face the consequences, bottle it up and will them away, or end things with him and maybe these emotions will leave with him. After CSAT, you promise yourself, you’ll make a decision after this weekend. 

“Am I in trouble?” You quietly ask, looking between the principal, Mr. Jang, and the guidance counselor, Ms. Kwon.

Ms. Kwon had run after you as you finished your CSAT, on your way to the front gate to meet up with Jungwoo, and she escorted you to the principal’s office. She’d been of tremendous help for you when you applied for scholarships. Your first thought was someone had caught you and Jaehyun somewhere in school and reported it, but didn’t think that was the case since he wasn’t in the office with you.

“Heavens, no. I would like to personally tell you and congratulate you about your scholarship in SNU.” Mr. Jang reminds you of a typical, jolly grandfather, had silver, combed-over hair, and wore suspenders everyday.

“S-scholarship?” You repeat, thinking you misheard him, “I-I thought… scholarship announcements aren’t made until the end of the school year.”

He grins at you, handing a large white envelope with the university insignia on it, “Yes, but they saw your outstanding school records and gave you approval right away. Congratulations, Ms. [L/N], your application for a full scholarship to SNU has been approved. You’re the first student in my 30 years working here to get one.”

Your mouth is perpetually agape, accepting the envelope and opening it right away. Your eyes scanned through the letter inside a couple times until it finally hit you: you’re going to SNU. “I… but…?”

“Of course, they still have to wait for the results of the CSAT, but it should be no problem for you, given your previous records. And between us three,” He leans forward on his desk, “You should start drafting your graduation speech.”

“My… graduation speech?” You pause, “You mean I’m valedictorian?”

“If you maintain your class standing and stay out of any trouble until finals, then congratulations again Ms. [L/N], you’re this year’s class valedictorian.”

“But… Jung Jaehyun—”

Mr. Jang sighs, “Ah, yes, Mr. Jung. His grades are remarkable, yes, but he has a couple of misdemeanors on his file to even qualify for salutatorian. It’s a shame. Are you friends with Mr. Jung?”

You open your mouth to answer, but you realize you don’t know what the answer is. You’re not exactly going to tell the school principal the exact premise of your relationship. But are you two even friends? “Uhm, we know of each other?”

“Hm, well I would avoid befriending Mr. Jung if I were you, Ms. [L/N]. I’m sure he’s a wonderful person, but he could still be a bad influence on you.”

Your stomach drops as you consider Mr. Jang’s words, nodding to them even though you were still processing it. Was he being a bad influence on you? 

As you leave the principal’s office, it finally hits you: you’re going to SNU. You’re going to your dream school with a full scholarship and there’s a high chance you’ll graduate as valedictorian. The slow, steady footsteps you took since stepping out of the office broke into a sprint as you ran towards the school gate to meet Jungwoo and tell him the good news. 

As you turn around the corner that led to the lockers, you almost collide into Jaehyun, who was just as surprised to see someone hurtling towards him.

“[Y/N]? Why are you crying?” He closes his locker and steps closer to you, concern etched on his face.

“Crying?” You touch your cheeks, feeling the damp streaks and laughing at it, “Oh. I didn’t know I was crying.”

“What’s wrong?”

You shake your head, “Nothing’s wrong. I’m— I’m just— Jaehyun, my application for a full scholarship to SNU has been accepted. I just need to score high on CSAT—”

“Then you’re definitely in! [Y/N]! Congrats!” He opens his arms to you and by instinct, you just jump into them and let him engulf you into a giant hug. “That’s amazing! You did it, [Y/N].”

“Thank you.” Your voice was muffled from having your face pressed up into his chest. You pull away first, “I can’t believe it.”

He offers you a small smile, “You’ve worked so hard for it. You deserve it. I’m really happy for you.”

A phone chimes just as you were about to thank him once more. You check yours and find an impatient, yet worried text from Jungwoo, who you had completely forgotten about. “I, uh, need to go.”

“Hey, wait.” Jaehyun stops you just as you were about to side step him, “We should celebrate this. There’s a party at Cha Eunwoo’s house tonight. You should come.”

“It’s a Saturday. I have work tonight, remember?”

He looks disappointed, “You’re going to work after taking the most draining exam in our lives?”

You shrug, apologetically, “I need the money. Big crowds aren’t my thing either.”

“Then how about just the two of us? Tomorrow night. I’ll drive you somewhere out of town and we’ll get drive thru.”

Your heart races in excitement at the prospect, but you catch yourself. That sounds like a date although you knew it would end up with the two of you doing it at the back of his car. Nonetheless, you agree to the arrangement and wave at him before leaving.

“But Auntie,” You stand up to take the dishes from her, but she swats your hands away, “I don’t mind working tonight.”

“[Y/N]! You and Jungwoo can have the weekend off! You two have worked so hard. And to think you got the scholarship for SNU!” She tuts, sashaying to the sink, “If I could afford it, you can have the entire week off with paid leave!”

“She’s our valedictorian, too!” Jungwoo pipes up, doing a little shimmy after taking a bite of the cake his parents got the both of you for finishing the exam.

“All the more reason for you not to work.” She pinches your cheek. “Isn’t there a party or two being thrown by your schoolmates? There’s bound to be one, right? There were about 8 during my time. You two should go to one.”

Jungwoo brings his empty plate to the sink and exclaims, “Oh, yeah! Eunwoo invited me to his party. Do you wanna go?”

You stare at him, “Cha Eunwoo? You know him?”

“We were classmates last year. We’re not close, but he’s really nice and friendly.” He claps his hands, “Oh, let’s go, [Y/N]!”

A part of you only agreed because you wanted to see Jaehyun. It would be hard to interact with him since your real relationship with him was still a secret, but you still wanted to see how he’d react to see you there. Perhaps that’s the reason behind the extra effort of getting ready; putting on that same dress you wore to Mark’s party, patting the lightest blush on your cheeks and a soft red tint on the inner parts of your lips, and spritzing perfume on your hair. 

“Wow, all this for Jaehyun?” Jungwoo teased, simply changing out of his house clothes into a pair of blue jeans and a raglan shirt. 

“Shut up.” You snap, “Wait, is it too much?”

“No.” He shrugs, “I just noticed because I’m not used to it. I bet he’ll appreciate it though. Are you ready?”

After another look in the mirror, you let Jungwoo lead the way to Eunwoo’s house. It was only a short bus ride there and it was the richer side of town, a few streets away from Jaehyun’s. You’ve never met him and you’re pretty sure you’ve never interacted with him either. You just know that he’s one of Jaehyun’s close friends, also part of the basketball team, and just as popular with the girls from school.

It takes no less than half an hour for the two of you to arrive, spotting the other teens walking up to the huge house that had strobe lights and muffled music blasting inside.

“I can tell I’m not gonna like it inside.” You warily watch a rowdy group of boys cheer each other on as a ssireum contest begins in the empty, open garage. “We don’t have to stay long, right?”

“Let’s have a few drinks and leave.” Jungwoo walks up to the house and you follow closely behind him.

Not all the faces were even familiar to you, maybe they’re from other schools. The music gets progressively louder as you walk up to the open door and you can pick out a few voices trying to talk over the bass. Past the door, Jungwoo greets a few people and you offer them all a small smile. They all seem surprised to see you here, obviously knowing this isn’t your kind of scene. Jungwoo holds a conversation with them and you look around some more.

There were people drinking out of red cups, bouncing on the balls of their feet to the fast tempo song, some were brave enough to make out against walls, and others were just blatantly humping each other in lieu of dancing. You make eye contact with a girl who you recognize as Kim Minkyung, twin sister of Kim Mingyu, who was also another close friend of Jaehyun’s. She was notoriously aloof and introverted compared to her social butterfly of a brother. 

Minkyung stares at you, eyes just squinting slightly as if to discern if it was really you she was seeing, and you feel both confused and nervous by it. Is it really that weird that you’re at a party? You break eye contact with her to tell Jungwoo you’re heading to the kitchen to grab drinks for the two of you.

It was a big house, bigger than Jaehyun’s, but you think you can guess where the kitchen was from the number of people leaving the room with a drink in hand. You managed to catch Minkyung’s gaze again and her expression this time looked… worried? You ignore it and step into the white room. There were food and drinks lined up on the kitchen island and counters, a large stack of red cups beside a keg. As you approached it to get beer for Jungwoo, a roar of laughter erupts in the next room over. Being naturally curious, you walked over to the opening and peered through other curious people’s shoulders to see what the commotion was about.

It looked like the dining room with a large wooden table in the middle that had been turned into a beer pong arena. You see Kim Mingyu taking a shot beside the house owner, Cha Eunwoo, over to the other side and huffs as he misses his shot. Looking over at their opponent, your chest constricts. It was the soccer team’s MVP, Nakamoto Yuta, who was also your acquaintance as he liked to crash the board games club from time to time to bother Mark, and his partner for the math, the only boy you wanted to see in this party.

Jaehyun had his signature black outfit on; you’ve spied the contents of his closet once and reeled at the sight of it being 80 percent black, 15 percent white, and just a handful of miscellaneous colored clothing articles. His hair was pushed back to prevent the fringes getting into his eyes. But that’s not what you’re focused on, that’s not what made your heart crack. With one hand, he held a ping pong ball, waiting for his turn, while the other held another girl’s hand.

Areum. You think that’s her name. That’s right, Cho Areum. She’s the embodiment of her name; beautiful and stunning from head to toe. Funnily enough, she’s part of the cheer squad. Classic, you think, a cheerleader and a basketball player. A cliche, but perfect pair.

It’s finally Jaehyun’s turn and he gets the ping pong ball right into the farthest cup, and his team rejoices. He gladly turns his head to Areum and your heart falls to the floor, shattering in tiny pieces as your ears ring. You’ve never felt jealous in your entire life, you just weren’t raised that way. You’ve lived your life with people who have so much more than you, but you never wished you were in their shoes until you see Areum. She’s pretty, she’s tall, she’s also top 20, meaning she’s smart, too. She also gets to kiss Jaehyun in public, while you’re just the girl he keeps a secret.

But now you’re just confused. Was he cheating on her with you? And if he was, why would he cheat on her for you? 

Your thoughts are interrupted when a hand is placed on your shoulder and you turn to find Minkyung, looking distastefully at the same scene you were witnessing.

“You shouldn’t be here.” She finally turns to you, voice soft and almost sympathetic. “They’re going to make fun of you if they see you, especially with your eyes looking wet. Come on.”

You blink and you realize what she was talking about as your vision blurred. You nod and she leads you away from the party, out to the backyard where there were less people and considerably darker. You sit by each other on a lounge chair and stare at the pool.

“I don’t…” You pause, not knowing what to ask.

“My brother and his friends aren’t nice people.” Minkyung states, looking past the pool and into the window that showed the living room. “They spend a lot of time after school at our house so I know about the things they talk about… all the shit they do.”

“Okay…” You don’t know where she’s going with this but your gut tells you it’s not going to be good.

“At the start of the year, the basketball team was at our house and they were drinking. And I don’t know how it came to be but someone suggested to make a checklist for all the girls they should fuck. From every clique like a girl's sports team to distinguished individuals… like the class valedictorian.” She glances at you, apologetically, as if it was her fault or to apologize on her brother’s behalf. “But I guess yours was a different case.”

“I’m… wait, I don’t understand—”

“Everyone agreed that it would be hard to sleep with you. No one knew you well enough until someone pointed out that you and Jaehyun were always volleying the top 1 spot between each other every semester. But even he didn’t think he could do it, so his friends did the only thing that would make him agree to trying to sleep with you. They made a bet and riled him up because everyone knows how competitive Jung Jaehyun is.”

You let her words sink in, “So he made a bet with me to be top 1 and offer to teach me sex so he could win an entirely different bet.”

“Wait a minute—” Minkyung grabs your wrist, “He said he’d teach you sex? Oh my god, that’s just fucking gold.”

She bolts up to her feet and scornfully laughs, pacing in front of you.

“What?”

“Let me guess,” She spins back to face you, “He’ll teach you lesson by lesson because you can’t learn a whole new world in a couple nights? That lesson 1 is foreplay, 2 is positions, and so on?”

“H-how did you know that?”

“Because he said the same things to me 3 years ago. Jung Jaehyun took my virginity from under the guise that he liked me, too. And guess what? When shit went down, he turned my own brother against me. He turned the person I shared a womb with against me and branded me a slut. Don’t you ever wonder why I don’t run in the same circle as my twin? Mingyu used to be so protective of me; I was off limits to his friends until Jaehyun happened. He joins his friends branding me a slut. Jung Jaehyun ruined my life and he’s going to ruin yours.” Minkyung grabs your shoulders and squeezes them, “Walk away from him now, [Y/N]. Please, I know we’re not friends but I’m telling you the truth. You saw him with your own eyes; was it you he was kissing in there? Because here’s the cold, hard truth, [Y/N]: Jaehyun owns each and everyone of us, but we can never own him for ourselves.”

You expel a harsh breath, unaware you had been holding your breath. You stare into her eyes and it’s glistening under the underwater pool lights. You wanted to give Jaehyun the benefit of the doubt, but you could sense how genuine and concerned Minkyung is.

“Okay.” You mumble, licking your lips. You’re better off without him anyways. Aside from sex, what else has he given you? You stand up and accept the hug Minkyung offers as she holds out her arms for you. “Thanks.”

“I wish I warned you sooner. I’ve tried to warn every girl he was after — or any girl the team was going after — but my reputation makes it hard for them to believe me. If anything, they made it worse.” She pulls away and looks back into the house. “Thanks for believing me.”

You follow her gaze and see Jaehyun, jumping to the beat of the song playing, with Areum in tow. “Does she know he’s cheating on her?”

“Areum? They’re not exclusive, that’s what he claims. She says they’re in an open relationship, so she probably knows about you.”

Knowing that she, as well as his friends, knows about you and Jaehyun sleeping together doesn’t sit well with you. Does he tell them about it every time? They must laugh at how innocent and pathetic you were.

“God,” Minkyung scowls, “What did I even see in him? If he wasn’t at the top of the class, I would have believed he had a dick for a brain.”

You giggle at this, knowing she’s doing her best to lighten the mood.

“I’m surprised he hasn’t gotten anyone pregnant yet.” She laughs, “I wonder how he’d react to that.”

Your laughter falters.

Minkyung watches as you scramble to take your phone out, opening up an app you kept to track your period. You had a normal cycle, this tracker is proof. But the past month has been so hectic that you didn’t even notice.

“I’m… two weeks late.” You look to her for help, fingers shaking in panic. “I’m never late. I—”

“Wait, [Y/N], calm down. Being late for your period doesn’t mean you’re pregnant.”

“I know that!” You exclaim, “But what if I am?”

You think about your scholarship, graduation, your parents — how are you going to tell your parents if you were, in fact, pregnant?

Before you bring yourself into a panic attack, Minkyung shakes your arm, “[Y/N], calm down. Do you want to take a pregnancy test?”

“I can’t take that back home—”

“Then take it back at my place. I’ll buy you the pregnancy test.” She fishes car keys out of her pockets, “Come on. Mingyu can find a ride home himself, I don’t even know why I let him drag me to be his personal driver.”

“Why are you so nice to me?”

Minkyung doesn’t answer immediately until she shrugs her shoulders, “If I were in your position, I’d wish someone would be there who understands and helps out.”

She was right. You don’t even know how Jungwoo would react, let alone do.

“Wait, let me go back inside and tell Jungwoo I’ll be going.”

“Kim Jungwoo? He’s gay, right?”

You gasp, petrified at her question, “How did you— I mean, no!”

She chuckles, “Don’t worry. I understand. It takes one to know one. I’ll go get the car. It’s a red volvo.”

As she leaves, you head back inside to look for Jungwoo and it’s not that hard thanks to his height. You flag him down, grabbing his wrist and dragging so you could talk right into his ear. 

“Can I go ahead? I’m not comfortable.”

“Okay, let me say goodbye—”

“No! You’re clearly having fun. It’s not that late, I can go home by myself.” You try to walk away, but he seizes your hand.

“Are you okay? You look like you’re about to cry.”

Bless his heart. Only Jungwoo could read you like a book. But you’re not ready to tell him, not until you’re sure, so you just smile and nod. Fortunately, he lets you go and you quickly make your way through the crowd to reach the front door. Just as you were about to step out, a hand wraps around your wrist and you think it’s Jungwoo.

But of course it wasn’t.

“Hey, you came.” Jaehyun lets go of you once you turn around. “I thought you had a shift?”

“Yeah. I’m heading back over now. I thought I’d drop by with Jungwoo.” You hug yourself, doing your best to meet his eyes so he wouldn’t suspect anything. In your peripheral vision, you see his friends watching from another room. “So, I have to go.”

“Did you try and find me?”

The wording to his question was off, but you shake your head, “The crowd is a little… overwhelming. I don’t think I could have seen you even if I tried… I’m gonna be late for shift change.”

“Do you want me to drive you there? My car’s at the house though—”

“Then no.” You forced a smile, “You don’t have to. I’ll be fine.”

Jaehyun frowns, but relents, stuffing his hands in his pockets, “Okay. Tomorrow then?”

“Tomorrow?”

“Our own little celebration about your scholarship?”

“Oh… yeah, sure.” You try to think of an excuse to back out of it, but you’re too flustered under his gaze to even do so. “S-see you then.”

He cracks a smile, and maybe it’s just your feelings for him, but you swear he seems genuinely excited about it, “Okay. I’ll text you.”

You turn around and start to walk, taking slow steps out the door until you see a red volvo pull up. Minkyung rolls down the window to let you know it was her and you get in. After putting the seatbelt on, she hands you a pack of tissues.

“You can cry. I’m not going to judge you.”

“I know.” You let the initial tears slip down your cheeks. “I should have known something like this was going to happen.”

She rubs your back for a while before starting the car and driving away. It was strange to think you barely talked to her for an hour but still felt closer to her than Jaehyun, who you’ve spent months with. Did she have a pregnancy scare as well? More importantly, did she have someone to confide to?

You finally let yourself break down into a sob. It was dumb and foolish of you to think he had the best intentions for you. You were both in it for the sex and all you asked was for it to be kept secret, but the worst people to find out about it already knew about it. It was stupid of you to even fall for him — no, it was more stupid of you to make a bet with him in the first place. You can’t even believe you walked into that party with the intention of confessing your feelings for him.

“He’s still coming by the store. You should have never told him where you worked.”

You sigh, lathering the washed cabbage heads with the bright red paste your mother had already made. It was the holidays and you went back home to your family like you always did. Being with them brought you so much relief after everything that had happened after CSAT. You excitedly told them about the scholarship, presenting the letter as proof, as well as the high chance of you graduating as valedictorian. You even introduced Minkyung to them through video call as you two had become considerably close. The only thing you left out to your parents was Jaehyun. They didn’t need to know that at all.

You thanked every god and your lucky stars that you weren’t pregnant — the missed weeks probably due to the stress — and the dreaded red week came a few days when you went back home.You had burst into tears of joy at the sight of blood stained sheets and your mother excused it as your hormones acting up.

As for Jaehyun, you didn’t reply back to him when he asked if you were ready to meet up the day after the party. You didn’t pick up his calls. You worked twice as hard, enlisting Jungwoo and Minkyung’s help, to avoid running into him at school. Minkyung had to block his number for you because you didn’t have the heart to do it. You felt bad for doing this to him, but they reminded you of everything he did to you and you just feel just a tiny bit of guilt for ghosting him.

But as Jungwoo had just reported over the group call you had with him and Minkyung, he came by the convenience store almost everyday, hoping to catch you on your shift. When Jungwoo finally snapped and told him you were back at home, he comes in every other day to ask where you lived.

“I would ban him from the store if I were you.” Minkyung suggests.

“You know I would’ve if I could.” Jungwoo gripes, “But you can’t ban people if they’re just annoying you. I can’t even say it’s borderline harassment since he leaves after I shoo him off.”

“I don’t get it.” You huff, stuffing the freshly made kimchi into a large jar. “Min, you said he’d stop after a week. It’s almost the end of Christmas break and he’s still trying to contact me.”

“I’m just as confused as you. Maybe his pride is hurt. He’s the one being dumped for the first time and you know what? Good for you, [Y/N], for being the first to break his heart.”

You smile at them through the camera, but you hope it was believable enough through the screen. You’re still in love with him. You realize this after finding yourself constantly thinking and worrying about him when you’re not occupied with house chores or farm work. You’ll never tell Jungwoo or Minkyung, but a part of you really misses him.

“Oh my god, he’s here at my house.” Minkyung whispers as if he could hear her as she peeks through her blinds. “I’m gonna eavesdrop on them.”

“Kyung.” You warn, wiping your hands on a kitchen towel after you washed them. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to.” She huffs, “What if he’s trash talking you? You’re my friend now and this is my house, I have every right to throw him out.”

“If he’s trash talking me, then I’m gonna want to talk to him. You know,” You put the jars of kimchi you made into the fridge, “For closure.”

“Oh, sweetheart.” Minkyung sighs, “That’s a dangerous plan.”

“I agree.” Jungwoo pipes in, “He was able to convince you to sleep with him. He can definitely do it again. You’re in a vulnerable state, [Y/N], whether he knows that or not. You don’t have any prior knowledge on this while he’s an expert.”

“It’s breaking off a relationship — not even, it was just a deal we made.” You look outside the window to make sure your family is still outside, “How hard could it be?”

“Says the girl who let someone teach her sex after losing a bet.” Minkyung snides, “Your emotions could get the better of you once you face him. I think it’s better to avoid him until he finally accepts the fact that you’re done with him.”

And she was right. Although you really did want to talk to him, at least one last time and face to face, they were right about him possibly coercing you again. You didn’t think you would fall for him this hard even though you know about what he’s done.

Returning to the city a week before the holiday break ends always puts you into a sad mood since you have to leave your family and now it makes you feel anxious because you can’t possibly hide from Jaehyun until graduation. Minkyung tells you that he and his friends will be out of town for a few days and she invites you over to hang out. Jungwoo couldn’t come because he and his parents visited his older sister’s family.

“As promised,” You said after greeting Minkyung as she opened the front gate, “Kimchi made by yours truly using my mom’s pepper paste made from our farm’s chili peppers.”

It was a sizable container, good for a family of 5 for two weeks at most. Minkyung squeals as she accepts it, “Thank you! I’m so excited to try it out. We’re definitely eating this for dinner later.”

Her house had almost the same layout as Mark’s house, but had a more contemporary interior.

“Oh my god,” You gasp, approaching the photo wall and pointing at a portrait of two children as you unwrapped the scarf from your neck, “You’re so cute!”

“Our mother was obsessed with making us match clothes before.” She sighs, stopping beside you.

“Wow, you two looked really identical.”

Minkyung scoffs, “Yeah, thank god we don’t anymore.”

Before she turns to lead you to the kitchen, you swear you caught a frown form on her face.

You two had a baking agenda today ever since you found out she loved to bake with her mother when she was younger but never got to do it again since her mother got busy with work. She still bakes from time to time but doesn’t find it as fun when someone else is around.

The kitchen island had all the ingredients laid out and the oven had preheated. You two only talked about making cookies and cupcakes, but it looked like there were enough to make cake and bread.

Minkyung puts the kimchi inside their fridge and you wait for her in front of the ingredients, “So how do we go about this?”

“Let’s do a headstart on cupcakes first so they can cool down before we get to decorate them.”

It feels like a nice change to be hanging out with another girl. You love Jungwoo, but there are things you can’t say or do with him because it felt too awkward. Also, compared to you, he has other friends he likes to hang out with while you can count all yours with one hand. Minkyung was a lot bubblier once you got to know her. She always kept to herself in school and seemed so chic and mysterious, but was just as eccentric and clumsy as Jungwoo. It was a weird way to start a friendship, sharing the same experiences with Jaehyun, but you’re really glad you’ve become friends with her.

A couple of hours into baking, you took charge of icing the last couple of cupcakes while Minkyung tries a bite of the experimental cookies you made with cinnamon and marshmallows.

“Is it good?” You place the cupcake you finished icing on the cake rack.

She walks over to you to feed you a piece, “Like a starbucks drink. It’s not bad, no?”

It did taste like a starbucks drink made into a cookie, but you liked it. “I think it’s okay. Nothing beats your chocolate chip, though. I can’t wait to go back home and make it for my siblings. Thanks for sharing your recipe. I promise to take it to my grave.”

“Tell me what they think of it.” Both of you pause when you hear the car gates creaking open. She looks at you, clearly confused, “Did my mom come home early?”

You put the piping bag down and went to wash your hands in the sink of stray icing as she bounds towards the foyer. Minkyung talks fondly of her mom and mentions how she wanted to meet you. You dry your hands on the apron before taking it off, placing on the counter and following after her.

Just as you walk out of the kitchen doorway, you hear Minkyung exclaiming, “Why are you here?”

It was a split second realization from the hostile tone of her voice that tells you who was at the front door, however your body reacts a split second too late and you end up stepping into the hallway that led to the foyer.

“[Y/N]?”

You’re frozen in your spot, absolutely mortified to see Jaehyun standing behind Mingyu.

“What are you…?” He steps forward and pauses, connecting the dots in his head. He turns to Minkyung and grabs her arm, “What did you tell her?”

“The truth about you.” She hisses, shaking his hold off. Once she does, she moves away from him and closer to you. “You ruined my life and I’m not going to let you ruin hers.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, sis.” Mingyu puts an arm out between them.

Jaehyun moves around him to walk towards you, but Minkyung blocks him. He scowls at her, “[Y/N], whatever she told you is a lie.”

The Jaehyun in front of you scared you; he looked so angry and hurt… like that time he got benched in sophomore year. His jaw is tight and his nostrils are flaring as he and Minkyung stared each other down.

“No, it’s the truth.” She glances back at you, gaze firm and unwavering.

“Kyung, give it up.” Her brother grabs her hand, “It’s been, what? 2? 3 years? Get over it.”

Minkyung indignantly huffs, slowly turning her head back to them, “Get over it? He took everything from me and you just want me to get over it? He took everything from me.”

Her voice cracks as she begins to sob, shoulders dropping as she faces her brother. “And you let him, Mingyu… You chose him over me, your goddamn twin sister.”

Your heartbreaks at the scene in front of you. Minkyung always made snide remarks about her brother, scowling as she speaks about him, but that frown you caught earlier should have told you that she misses him. You can’t imagine the pain she feels of losing someone she spent her whole life with — her own brother — and be torn apart because of something Jaehyun had said and done.

Minkyung sniffs, snatching her hand away from Mingyu and walks to you, “I’m sorry. We were having so much fun… but I want to be alone right now. I’ll drive you home—”

“No, go ahead. I…” Your eyes flit towards Jaehyun, “I want to talk to him.”

She stares at you, briefly sending a glare over to him, “Are you sure?”

You nod, “I can’t run away from forever. I’ll be fine.”

She gives you a tight hug before heading towards the stairs. Mingyu tries to stop her but she starts to run up the steps.

“I’m gonna talk to her.” Mingyu pats Jaehyun’s arm, spares a glance at you, and goes up after his sister.

You and Jaehyun stood in the foyer, awkwardly waiting for each other to say something.

“Can we talk?” He finally breaks the silence.

“Yeah.” A door being pounded on and shouting was heard above your heads and you smack your lips, “Uhm, somewhere else?”

“Yeah, okay,” He takes his car keys out of his pocket, “I know a place.”

Sensing your hesitation, he quickly follows it up with, “Don’t worry, it’s not my house.”

You decide to trust him, gathering your things and following him out the door to his car. It felt weird to be seated back inside and even weirder to think about the times you’ve spent together in it. He plugs his phone to the aux cord and chooses a random song to play on the softest volume before he begins to drive.

“I thought you guys had an out of town trip?” You quietly ask, seeing the duffel bag on the backseat.

“Yeah.” He clicks his tongue, “We were uninvited. The villa we were going to is owned by Areum’s family and you can say I chose the wrong day to upset her.”

“What did you do?”

Jaehyun sighs, keeping his attention on the road, “You know, when you didn’t respond to my texts, I got worried about you. I thought you got in trouble or something. You wouldn’t pick up my calls, Jungwoo wouldn’t tell me where the fuck you were, and up until I realized you blocked my number, I started to understand the situation.”

You turn your attention to the window, watching the world pass by.

“You saw us, didn’t you? Me and Areum. You saw us that night at the party? Is that why you stopped talking to me?”

“It’s so much more than that.” You cut in, making sure your voice is as steady as you can make it out to be, “Besides, it’s not my business. I’m just the girl you keep a secret—”

You let out a disbelieved laugh, “Wait, I can’t even say I’m the girl you’ve been secretly fucking.”

“What are you talking about?”

Taking a deep breath, you ask him, “Is it true that you and your friends made a — a fuck checklist and I was on it?”

The car was stopped at a red light, it was the only time for him to look at you but he chooses not to.

“Did you agree to a bet with your friends that you could sleep with me? And that was what prompted you to approach me in the library in the first place?”

He finally looks at you, stunned like a deer caught in the headlights, and it was enough to break your heart all over again. He opens his mouth to respond, but the car behind you honks its horn and Jaehyun starts to drive, not noticing the green light.

“All I wanted was for us to be a secret. I wouldn’t care about Areum or any other girl… or so I thought,” You grumble the last part, “I thought you were holding up that end of the deal, but it turns out people already knew. God, Jaehyun! For someone who’s top 2 in school, I’m so fucking stupid to believe you.”

He stops the car and lets out a heavy breath, “I’m sorry.”

“You think that’s enough?” You snap, facing forward and seeing a lakeside picnic area. “Where are we?”

“My parents and I went here during spring when I was younger. I like to come here and just watch the water.” He licks his lips, “I was supposed to take you here that day after the party.”

“Why?”

“I…” He shrugs, “I’m gonna sit outside for awhile. You can join me if you want.”

“It’s nearly 3 degrees outside.”

He opens the door and the cold rush of air makes you hug yourself. He steps out and closes the door behind him, walking up to one of the picnic tables to brush off some of the snow and sit down on it, looking off into the distance of the frozen lake.

You gather up the courage to face the biting, icy air,  pulling the hood of your jacket up and going after him. You take a seat on the bench of the table beside his and hide half your face into your scarf. His face was ghastly white, save for the apples of his cheeks, tip of his nose and ears, and his lips that were bright red.

“Do you have plans to freeze to death?”

Jaehyun chuckles, “I like winter.”

“I prefer spring.” You mumble, crossing your arms to preserve your body warmth. Looking back at the lake, you comment, “Must have been a nice view if I had gone with you that day.”

“I personally think it’s a nice view all year round.”

Silence falls over the two of you, along with it was the awkwardness and tension. You feel like you couldn’t breathe despite being in an open area.

“It’s true.” He breaks the silence after a few minutes, “We were all drunk and I don’t even remember who suggested it, but everyone thought it was a great idea — a fuck list. From cheerleaders, to band geeks, to bisexuals… to the valedictorian… one of us will sleep with any of those and it’ll be checked off the list.”

This makes your stomach churn; disgusted and disappointed at the thought. Being drunk isn’t an excuse for the nasty things that go through someone’s head.

“No one was willing to do you. No one had connections to you. Until Eunwoo said we were always switching places as top 1 every semester. They said it would be like an ice breaker between us and they left me to think about how I could get in your pants.” He took in a deep breath, “But believe me, I didn’t want to. I didn’t even think you’d give me the time of day. You didn’t seem interested in anyone and your nose was always stuck between textbooks. So they riled me up and I let them push me into doing it.”

“And then you orchestrated this whole plan of baiting me into making a different bet with you where you try to sleep with me and disguised it as teaching me sex.” You click your tongue, “I was a much easier target than you thought, huh?”

“It was supposed to be a one time thing, but I meant what I said that you can’t just learn sex in one night.”

“Minkyung said you told her the exact same words 3 years ago.” Your heart grows heavy at the thought of her, “Did you even really like her back?”

Jaehyun closes his eyes, hanging his head low and slowly shaking it sideways. “No.”

“How could you turn twins against each other?” You scowl, “I can’t even fathom how you were able to do that!”

“Well, I don’t either! I care about Mingyu, too. I knew he’d kill me if I even dared touch Minkyung, but she practically offered herself up to me.”

“Choose your words carefully, Jung.” You warn, gritting your teeth, “That doesn’t mean you accept it, let alone use that fact against her. She was— was ostracized! By her own brother!”

“That’s on him! I know what I did was shitty and I owe her an apology. I’m not the same boy I was 3 years ago!” He shoots up from his seat and walks closer to the lake, “My high school life is full of regrets, okay? I have vices. I let my dick decide for me. I’m a fucking teenager. I know I’ve hurt people and they probably won’t forgive me so I don’t bother with apologizing to their faces, but I regret my actions, alright?”

“So you regret sleeping with me?”

Jaehyun looks back at you, staring into your eyes with an unreadable expression. After a moment, he inhales, “I regret sleeping with you under those circumstances.”

You frown, “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I liked being with you. Aside from the sex or the pillow talk — the small conversations in my car or at the library… I looked forward to those the most.”

“Then why did we always have sex?”

“Because that’s what you were looking forward to.”

“Because that’s the reason why we were meeting up in the first place!” You exclaim, “If you wanted to talk, you could have just told me. We can be actual friends, you know.”

“But what if,” Jaehyun nervously licks his lips, blinking rapidly as the wind picks up a bit, “What if I wanted to be more?”

Your ears are ringing as if they popped. Did you hear him right? He wanted to be more than friends? “But… Areum…”

He immediately denies it, “We’re not even dating. I mean, we act like we are, but all we’re doing is using each other. We have sex and she uses me as a status symbol or something — we got uninvited to her villa because I told her last night that I didn’t want to share a room with her. I didn’t want to do anything with her anymore, to be exact.”

“Why?”

“What do you mean why? I like you!”

You gaped at him like he had grown a second head, “You like me? Jaehyun, you could literally have anyone — anyone — in the whole world!”

“Then why can’t I have you?”

“But…” You shake your head, “Why me?”

Now it was Jaehyun’s turn to look at you bewilderedly, “Why not you?”

“God! You know I hate it when you answer my questions with a question!” You stand up and march towards him, “Why would you choose me over Areum or Minkyung—”

“Stop bringing other people into this,” He interjects, “This is about you and me.”

“You’re better off with them. Or anybody else.” You look down at your feet to avoid his gaze, “I don’t have time to be in a committed relationship. Not when high school is almost done and college is around the corner.”

“I had a feeling you’d say that.” His lips form a forlorn smile, “I wanted to tell you earlier. I wanted to tell you that day we were supposed to come here.”

“You wanted to tell me that day?” You repeat, waiting for him to confirm, “You wanted to tell me that you like me that day when just the night before you were partying with another girl… kissing her and holding her hand… you want me to believe that you like me the entire time you were doing those things with her?”

Jaehyun starts to look flustered, “I-I told you. Areum and I aren’t dating. It’s all for show—”

“Could’ve fooled me.” You say in a higher pitch than your regular voice. “Do you hear yourself? You wanted to tell another girl you liked her after you were with someone else the night prior?”

“[Y/N], just listen to me first—”

“No. You listen to me.” You demand, “I was on cloud nine that day, Jaehyun. My scholarship application for my dream university was accepted, I was told I was graduating as valedictorian... just all the hard work I’ve dedicated my entire school life was paying off. I didn’t mean for you to be the first one to know, but I wanted to celebrate it with you, too — so, so badly, Jaehyun.”

Your sight starts to blur as you pause to take a breath, “I didn’t mean to go to that party, but I wanted to see you again. I spent extra time to fix myself up for you because you always called me nice things when I was naked and I wanted to hear you say those things when I’m clothed. I hate crowds — I hate them so much because I feel so out of place, but I ignored them all. I just wanted to see you. And I did. And I saw her.”

Your throat burns as you do your best to choke down your tears. He watches you, unmoving and unsure, so you continue speaking.

“And— and I-I’ve never… I’ve never felt that, you know? Just pure pain in my chest. I’ve never been jealous of anyone until I saw her. My head hurt with so many questions and if Minkyung hadn’t brought me out, I would have passed out. When she told me her story, my heart ached even more. I couldn’t believe you were capable of doing that to anyone but our stories matched up, word for word, Jaehyun. It made sense and up until on the way here, I would have given you the benefit of the doubt, but you didn’t even deny it.” Unable to hold back, you start to sob, “I wanted to tell you I loved you that night, Jaehyun.”

Saying those words out loud brought both relief and horror to your system; it felt nice to have something you kept to yourself for so long to finally see the light of day, but the last person you wanted to hear them was the person those words were for.

He’s visibly astonished by your confession; eyes wide and misty, and mouth agape, letting you see the soft wisps of his warm breath react to the cold air.

“H-how long have you been…”

You angrily shrug your shoulders, “I don’t know. I had inklings of it every time you were sweet to me, but I ignored them. But I knew I was when I saw you with Areum… because why else would my heart break for someone who isn’t mine.”

“I can be yours.” Jaehyun takes a step forward but you put your hand up to stop him, “It’s not too late, [Y/N].”

“I had a pregnancy scare, Jaehyun.” You softly admit, “I realized I was late, ironically, at the party and Minkyung took me back to her place so I can take a pregnancy test. It came out negative, but until I finally got my period days after I went back home to my parents, I was so fucking scared, Jaehyun.”

“Fuck.” He curses, “Shit, I’m sorry, [Y/N]. I… I should have told you the condom broke.”

Your ears were ringing again. It was as if the entire world decided to stop and the silence was deafening.

“You knew the condom broke and you didn’t tell me…?”

“I panicked, too! It’s the first time it happened—”

“Well, fuck, Jaehyun! Congratulations, you know what to do next time it does!” You start to breathe heavily, remembering the anxiety you felt a few weeks ago. “Do you know how hard it is to look my parents in the eye and tell them everything is fine when in the back of your mind you don’t know if you’re pregnant or not? And if I was, how the fuck am I going to explain our relationship to them? I’m the breadwinner of the family. I had one goal: succeed in school to get a good job in the city. Getting pregnant in high school? That is the easiest way to ruin everything both me and my parents have worked hard for.”

He swallows hard, “Would you have kept… the baby?”

You answer in a broken voice as another sob escapes you, “Yes.”

“I wouldn’t have let you go through that alone, [Y/N].” Jaehyun holds your hands, both frosty from being exposed to the winter weather, “I’m going to take responsibility. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, [Y/N]. I should have told you the moment I found out. I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”

Your palms started to feel warm now that he held them tightly. This was the first contact you had with him in weeks. You would have thought you would crave more, but you don’t. You liked his hands, you told him this, you liked it that he touched you with them, but now they just felt like any other set of hands.

“You’re as clueless at love as me… just like how I was with sex a few months ago.” You try to crack a smile and force out a chuckle, but you end up streaming new tears down your cheeks. “And it’s easy to say that we can learn this together.”

His eyes light up, hopeful with your words. Only to grow wet as you struggle to say the next words.

“But I can’t.” You choke out, “I can’t be the one to learn this with you.”

You retract your hands from him, slipping them out of his hold, and curling them into fist to keep the warmth in.

“[Y/N].” His voice quivered, looking down at his empty hands, “What do I have to say or do for you to stay?”

It was odd and painful to see him cry; he exuded such a strong image and power with charisma that can be seen and felt for miles. Yet here he was, crumbling in front of you.

“Nothing.” You bit down your lip to keep it from trembling, “It was a mistake to even make that bet with you… but I don’t regret it.”

Jaehyun sniffs, cheeks and nose even redder now. You bravely put a hand on his cheek, wiping his tears with your thumb.

“A part of me will always be with you. It’s a part I’ll never get back and I don’t mind. Even though it was brief, I don’t regret falling in love with you.” You step closer to him, placing your other hand on his chest. He puts his hand over yours on his chest and the other on your waist. You look into each other’s eyes, studying each other for the last time before you push yourself up and kiss him.

It was bittersweet knowing this was the last kiss. Maybe that’s why both of you made the most of it, clinging onto each other like you were each other’s lifeline. There was no fighting for dominance, just moving your mouths against each other in complete sync. You exert every last drop of your emotions for him with this kiss until both of you pull away.

You start crying again, burying your face into his chest. His arms go around you, holding you tight as he starts to quietly sob as well.

“I wish I realized I liked you from the start…” He whispers, “If I had, I wouldn’t be saying I love you as a goodbye.”

His shoulders shake a little harder after he says those words and you hug him tighter. You stand in the freezing air, holding each other in silence until both of you notice the specks of white falling around you.

From an outsider’s point of view, seeing the two of you standing under the snowfall could probably paint a picture perfect scene of winter romance.

“I’m sorry.” You say, “You shouldn’t have brought me here. You had fond memories here.”

Jaehyun follows your gaze to the stretch of ice, the surface scratched up from ice skates. There’s no use in telling you that he still went here that day and witnessed a man go down on his knees in front of a woman. It had him thinking, but even then he knew it was ridiculous.

“And I still do.” He sniffs, returning his gaze to yours. “I’ll come back to this place and remember the times my family had picnics, or the times my dad and I went fishing, or skating, or skipping stones. Other than those, I’ll come back and remember this as the place I was able to tell the very first girl that I love her.”

Your chest constricts once more, but this time it doesn’t hurt. “You can come back here and remember that she loves you too.”

He smiles, although it doesn’t quite reach his eyes, or even bring out his dimples, “Even if she was the one that got away… I love her, nonetheless.”

You had always imagined breaking up would leave you broken beyond repair, sobbing in a crumpled up state on the ground — but then again, this wasn’t a break up. You two were ending things; a toxic relationship that neither of you acknowledged until it was too late. You still want to cry, you’re still hurting, but a part of you tells you it’s going to be okay.

The wind blows again and you gasp, shivering as the icy air seeped through your clothes.

Jaehyun chuckles, “Come on. Let’s get you home.”

You eagerly trek back to his car with him, putting your hands up to the heater once he turns it on. You think you heard him call you cute under his breath, but you don’t let it linger in your thoughts. You wait for him to play a song, but he never does. As he was about to reverse his car out of the parking lot, he pauses to look at you one last time.

He doesn’t say anything, so you don’t either. After a few seconds, he starts to drive and you watch the lake disappear from the side mirror.

 » hope you liked it ヽ(✿ﾟ▽ﾟ)ノ let me know your thoughts through here

#nct smut #nct scenarios #jaehyun smut #jaehyun scenarios #commissioned

[kikis-writing-world]

Whiskey Straight - The Briefcase (Prologue)

Jack Daniels x F!Reader

You don’t know when it happened, but your life had grown dull. Your husband, Jack Daniels, was often busy with work: as a high ranking executive at Statesman Distillery, he needed to put in long hours at the office and travel across the globe to represent the business. Your own boring office job and empty house had you yearning for something. When a strange man barges into your life claiming to be a spy, you’re thrust into the world of secret agents and international terrorism… a world you soon learn your husband is very familiar with as Special Agent Whiskey.

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Bit of a slow start, but every story has to start somewhere. This part hurt to write. Establishing a less than stellar relationship with Jack? No thanks. but it’s all for the service of the story. Plus like... that’s life. That’s marriage, right? Things get stale, shit happens.

Series Masterlist  -  Prologue  -  One  -  Two  -  Three  -  Four  -  Five  -  Six  -  Seven

gif not mine. Lost the source, sorry! If it’s yours, let me know.

You were pushing your food around your plate absentmindedly, trying not to listen to Jack’s phone call in the other room. It was an absolute pet peeve of yours when he took calls during dinner but you knew your husband was an important man. Running the entire North East division of Statesman Distilleries came with more responsibilities than you could even list off. On top of managing the actual business, there were appearances to be made, meetings and expos to attend, schmoozing to be done. He didn’t just work 9 to 5, he worked all the time.

Even without listening, you knew that your weekend plans were likely about to be cancelled. Before the phone rang, you had been excitedly sharing ideas about things to do this weekend. The two of you were going to leave the city behind for some much needed alone time. No phones, no work, just the two of you reconnecting. It was planned spontaneity. You had planned the time, but nothing else. No rooms were booked, no route planned. The two of you were going to hit the road and have an adventure. When the two of you had started dating your relationship was full of adventures, planned and otherwise. Taking off to Niagara Falls for a weekend. A full day of driving just to see the changing autumn leaves. Lately he’d been too busy with work for anything like that.

You heard the conversation winding down, Jack bidding farewell to the person on the line before the phone was hung-up. You took a bit of the food in front of you, ignoring how it had grown cold while he was out of the room.

Jack’s hand grazed along your shoulders as he passed you before lowering himself into his seat with a sigh. You knew that sigh. After 6 years of marriage, you were able to read Jack like an open book. That was the sigh he made when he was about to break some bad news. You had a feeling you knew what the bad news would be, but you played along regardless.

“What was that?” You asked as he picked up his cutlery.

“Ambrose. You remember Ambrose from the Kentucky office, right?” Jack asked, cutting into his steak like the piece of meat hadn’t just sat there forgotten for the past minutes.

You nodded, taking a sip of water. You had met the man a few times, most notably at your wedding. If you hadn’t been properly introduced, you might have thought Ambrose was an older uncle of Jack’s. The charming older man reminded you a lot of Jack and you remember thinking that Ambrose was probably a decent representation of what your new husband might be like as he aged. Despite the years that Ambrose had over Jack, the older man still had a mischievous sparkle present in his eye. The sparkle was never more present when his patented lopsided grin came out.

“Of course. Is everything okay?”

“There’s a big to-do happenin’ in Georgia this weekend and their rep got sick. Food poisonin’ or something. He was askin’ if I could come down to replace him.”

You didn’t have to ask if he had agreed to go. That damned sigh had already given him away. You took another sip of your water, pushing back the sting of dejection. He hadn’t even asked you if you minded cancelling your plans. You wondered if he’d even put up any fight on the phone or if he’d asked if there was anyone else available to take over instead. You tried not to take it personally. Of course they wanted Jack there.

“When are you leaving?”

He was silent for a moment as he chewed his food, his Southern manners barring him from talking with a mouth full of food. “Tomorrow mornin’. Gotta meet with the team to get up to speed before meetin’ with any investors.”

You nodded, staring down at your half-eaten plate that no longer held your interest. “I’ll pack your bag for you tonight before bed.”

“You don’t have to do that, darlin’. I can pack my own bag.”

“I don’t mind.” You shrugged. That was true. You wished you didn’t have to do it quite so often, but packing for him made you feel more connected to him while he was gone. It also felt like you were helping him juggle the responsibilities of his job, taking something off his already over-full plate.

“Thank you, darlin’.” He dropped his knife so he could take your hand in his, giving it a squeeze. “You’re too good to me.”

“Yeah, don’t you forget it.” You teased.

“Never.” He winked, sliding his hand back so he could finish his meal.

That wink used to make your heart flutter. The first time he’d ever winked at you, it sent your stomach in knots for days afterwards whenever you thought about it. Lately, it barely stirred anything within you. You hated that your marriage had become this. You still loved the man to pieces, but the spark of your relationship had faded. The excitement of your relationship was long gone. This weekend was supposed to be an attempt to rekindle a bit of the excitement. Now though, you were thankful that you weren’t going to have to spend time on the phone trying to get any deposits back.

You packed his bag for him that night, making sure his jackets were neatly pressed and hung in their garment bags to stay wrinkle free. You packed a few options for ties, including two of his bolo ties, as well as his jeans and a pair of slacks in case he really wanted to go all out. His toiletries, socks, underwear and his spare pair of glasses. The glasses were added to the packing list after he had broken his while in Switzerland, leaving him with a headache for a week after returning from all the eye-strain.

“Thank you.” He hummed, pressing a kiss to your cheek as he picked up the bag, carrying it to the front door for the morning. Pecks to the cheek, chaste kisses to your lips, a squeeze of your hand. That’s what the marriage had become. Aside from during sex, you couldn’t think of the last time Jack had really kissed you. Swept you off your feet and kissed your breathless as you clung to him, the way he would when you two had first started dating and could barely keep your hands off each other.

You knew the blame didn’t sit solely on his shoulders. You weren’t sure what was stopping you from grabbing him and kissing him senseless instead of waiting for him to initiate. Maybe the fear of being rejected. The fear that this was more than a rough patch bred from familiarity, and that it meant something worse had taken root in your relationship.

“Do you want me to drive you to the airport in the morning?” You offered when he returned to the bedroom, the two of you getting ready for bed.

“Colt is pickin’ me up.” He told you as he shucked his clothes from the day.

Colt was Jack’s business partner. His second in command. Wherever Jack went, Colt went, so it was not surprising that he would be joining him in Kentucky. The young man was sweet, but definitely wasn’t the sharpest tool in the shed. You wondered sometimes how he climbed the corporate ladder to where he was now, let alone the possibility that sometime in the future he would take over for Jack - assuming your husband ever retired.

“At least wake me to say goodbye.” You instructed.

“You sure, darlin’? It’ll be early.” He warned.

“I’m sure.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek as he laid out his clothes for the morning. “And call me when you land.”

“Always do.” He grins at you over his shoulder.

You climbed into bed, curling on your side as you waited for Jack to finish with his own nightly routine. He turned off the light before you felt the bed dip behind you. Silence passed in the darkness for a moment before Jack’s arm was wrapped around your waist, pulling you tightly against him.

“I’m sorry ‘bout this weekend, sugar.” He whispered in the darkness. “I promise I’ll make it up to you.”

You felt something akin to relief as he nuzzled into your hair. There were definitely issues the two of you needed to tackle, but the love was still there. You wrapped your arm around his, hugging it to your chest.

“I know.” You whispered back.

“Love you.” He murmured.

“Love you too.”

Jack woke you the next morning, a few moments to cuddle and a groggy kiss goodbye before you fell back asleep. As promised, the call came in a few hours later that he had landed safely in Kentucky. Colt shouted his own greeting, and a promise to keep Jack out of trouble. You chuckled, knowing it was more likely to be Jack keeping Colt out of trouble. Before he hung up, Jack promised to keep in touch if he could, but he would be busy most of the weekend. You were used to that.

He did try to call when he was gone, you knew that, but often he just couldn’t make it to a phone. When he wasn’t in formal meetings, he still had to make appearances and schmooze. The moments he wasn’t working, he was preparing for whatever was to come next or getting some much needed rest. It was the song and dance of business.

You knew he was busy but it reinforced the loneliness that had creeped into your marriage, so slowly it wasn’t noticeable until it felt like it was drowning you. The house was quiet all weekend and by Sunday it was driving you crazy. You grabbed a book and decided to go out for lunch. You hoped being around people, the sounds of chattering, of cutlery and dinnerware around you would ease the loneliness from your mind, not make it worse.

You ordered before opening up your book, letting the noises of the other diners fade into the background as you let yourself become immersed in the story of the dashing knight and his attempts to woo the beautiful princess. Jack would tease you for reading romance novels, but with the lack of wooing going on lately in your real life, it was a welcome reprieve.

“Excuse me, do you mind if I sit with you?” An anxious voice right above you startled you out of the book. The man was sitting across from you before you had a chance to answer.

You blinked at him, staring blankly in shock. He had wavy, dirty blond hair that ended just above his chin. He was wearing a light brown suit, the cream coloured button-up underneath had the top few buttons undone, showing his collarbone and chest. His wide, blue eyes were glancing nervously around the restaurant. Your brow quirked in confusion before you too glanced around, looking for whatever he was worried about. When you didn’t see anything, you turned back to him.

“Uh, I’m flattered, but I’m mar-”

He pushed something under the table until it bumped into your leg. You looked down, seeing a black briefcase resting against your leg.

“This is a matter of national security.” He whispered, leaning in over the table to avoid being heard.

“Excuse me?” You scoffed. Was this some kind of pick-up line? You’d been out of the dating game for years but you couldn’t imagine this was working.

“I can’t have them catch me with this.” He nodded downward towards the table. You assumed he meant the briefcase. “I need you to hang onto it for me.”

“What?”

“Shh!” He shushed you, looking around nervously once more. He barely held back a gasp as two men in suits walked past your table. You glanced between him and the men, staying quiet. You were too in shock of what was happening to do much else.

He watched until the men were out of sight before reaching across the table and taking your hand in his own. He gave it a squeeze before letting go, a moment before you were poised to pull it out of his grip.

“Thank you. I’ll be in touch.” He vowed before standing.

“Wait, what do you mean?” You asked, but he ignored you as he sped towards the exit. You watched in disbelief, mouth agape as he disappeared as quickly as he’d appeared. The briefcase still leaning against your leg was the only evidence that you hadn’t imagined him.

By the time your food came, you weren’t even hungry. Your stomach was in knots as you tried to process what happened. You asked for the food to go, barely having the wherewithal to mumble that something had come up.

You eyed the briefcase under the table as you waited for your doggy bag. What the hell were you supposed to do with it? He told you to keep it and he’d be in touch. Did he even know how to get in touch with you?

Before you could talk yourself out of it, you paid your bill and left with the briefcase.

It made you nervous as it sat in the passenger seat next to you for the drive home. You knew it was ridiculous but you almost felt like it was watching you. The latch was locked so you had no idea what was inside of it. You almost wanted to shake it, like a child trying to figure out what was inside a wrapped present, but had no idea if that would harm anything inside… or if anything inside would in turn harm you.

Your food was dropped on the counter, a complete afterthought as you set the briefcase down on the kitchen table. You crossed your arms, staring at it as you tried to figure out what to do. It felt like you were waiting for it to come alive and give you the answer. Hesitantly, you took it in both hands and gave it a slight shake. If anything, it was like a forceful glide across the tabletop. Nothing made any kind of noticeable noise, but you could feel the heft of it’s contents shifting as it moved.

No, you thought to yourself. You were going to leave it alone.

You marched into the living room, turning the TV on and flipping the channels for something interesting to watch. Being a Sunday afternoon, there wasn’t much to hold your attention and you caught yourself looking back towards the kitchen every few minutes.

One of the movie channels was airing the original Jurassic Park, and you figured it was good enough. You went into the kitchen with the full intention of grabbing the food you had yet to eat for lunch, but that damn briefcase…

You opened the junk drawer, digging through the mess of odds and ends until you found a paperclip. You sat at the table, unwinding the paperclip until it was as straight as you could manage. You pressed the wire into the keyhole of the latch, pushing and prodding. It clicked open after a moment, making you jump. Despite being home alone, you stopped and looked around to make sure you weren't being caught.

You took a deep breath, scooting backwards just in case, and opened the lid. Nothing happened. No alarm, no puff of smoke, no weird security measure of any kind. You weren’t sure what you were expecting, but nothing wasn’t it.

The briefcase was filled with various papers. Maps of European countries. Foreign money. Paperwork in a language you didn’t know. A passport, the picture matching the man who had dropped the briefcase with you. John Smith. That was just about the vaguest name you could imagine.

Under all of the paperwork was a gun. You jumped when you saw the shining metal, dropping all the papers back in the briefcase and closing it. Once again, you found yourself looking around to make sure you were alone. You’d never seen a gun in real life, let alone been in possession of one.

You knew you couldn’t keep this in the house. How were you supposed to explain this to Jack? You ran back out to your car, placing it in your trunk under some blankets you kept for emergencies. You closed the trunk and leaned against it, breathing deeply to calm yourself.

Now what?

Tagging: @wickedfrsgrl​ @insideafictionaluniverse​ @driedgreentomatoes​ @phoenixhalliwell​ @sheerfreesia007​ @and-claudia​ @weirdowithnobeardo​

#Agent Whiskey #Agent Whiskey x Reader #Agent Whiksey x F!Reader #Agent Whiskey Fanfic #Agent Whiskey Imagine #Agent Jack Daniels #Pedro Pascal Character Fanfiction #WookieTales #AU: Whiskey Straight #my first intentional multichapter!

[eerythingisshaka]

If

[Y’lan Noel x Reader]

Word Count: 2.1K

Warnings: Angst/Third base shit

“Can I get one more gin and tonic?”  you motioned to the bartender as you finished what remained in your glass.  At the moment you began to feel a familiar lightness as the alcohol hit your nervous system.  Just enough to feel frisky or fight someone, depending on who came.  You checked your phone again but there’s no reply from earlier in the evening.  You weren’t surprised that you would get stood up, guys are just great at being horrible in that way.  But you expected the bare minimum of a check in.

The bartender laid your glass down in front of you.

“This is the last one.  Can you close my tab?” You dug around in your purse for $20 when a pair of voices turned up behind you.

“Hey girl, is that you?”

You turned around swiftly to see your acquaintance from work with her boyfriend Y’lan.  You smile genuinely at them both.

“Wow, hi!  I didn’t expect you guys to be here too!  How are you?  You look phenomenal!”  Your eyes took in the layered spaghetti strapped shirt that did nothing for her figure and jeans that were more for the barn than the bar.  And were those Pumas…

She wagged her finger, smiling goofily as she hung off of his arm.  “No, no.  You are being WAY too nice!  I couldn’t wear heels today because my arch is bothering me again but honestly I think it gives me a cute casual vibe, right?”

She looked to Y’lan who blinked a few times like he just woke up from a dream.

“Oh, yeah.  You look great.  My girl always does.”  He smiled a smile that could grow crops and end world hunger indefinitely.  Your coworker was very lucky to have him.

You raise your glass to the two of them.  “To the amazing couple that is you both!  So what are we celebrating tonight guys?”  You adjusted your low cleavage top for comfort, looking from your coworker to Y’lan who you definitely caught staring.  Happens to most men.

Your coworker said, “Well, we have decided to consider moving in together!  I mean, it’s been almost a year, it seems right, you know?”

She looked to Y’lan once again who scratched the back of his head.  “Yeah, sure.  It would be fun to have you around more.”

You crossed your arms under your chest in deep thought.  “Well are you guys still considering the move or decided to move in?  You worded that weird…”

She smacked her forehead.  “Duh, yeah I guess I did.  Well although like Y’lan said, it could be fun, it’s still a lot of responsibility and kinks to work out so we are still talking about talking about it, basically.”

You squint and nod slowly trying to wrap your head around their situation.  This is why you couldn’t receive her fully as a friend, she was too into appeasement but also indecisive.  First time you both decided lunch was a good idea, the hour was almost gone just picking a place and you know she cried in the bathroom after about how she thought she upset you.

You pick up your drink again and start to turn to the bar again.  “Well don’t let me guys hold up your evening and enjoy your meal.”

“Oh but, what about you?  Are you here alone?  We could pull up a chair for you to join,” she offers.

You almost laughed your gin and tonic up your nose at the thought.  “Not at all, I hate being a third wheel.  A huge pet peeve.”  You looked at Y’lan before saying, “Plus you guys have some serious talking to do.  My date will be here any second.”  You waved them off and turned up your glass once more.  Out of the corner of your eye, you see them find their seat across the way in a booth.  You felt awkward with them being in your area but at least your coworkers back was to you.  You couldn’t stand the thought of her seeing your drinking alone in a bar and possibly scarfing down some boneless wings that you suddenly had a taste for.  You bothered the bartender once more for a to go order and got your phone out to text that guy to forget it.  You didn’t feel like the dating mood after all this waiting and drinking.  

As you look down at your screen a message pops up that makes your heart skip a beat.  Heat radiates your cheeks as you look across the bar.  Y’lan stares at you for a minute as it appears your coworker is gabbing on about the menu.  His eyes are intense, leaned back in his seat with one arm splayed across showing off his wingspan.  You get flustered, and head for the bathroom.

Bursting through the door you leaned against the sink feeling your forehead and cheeks with the coolness of the back of your hand.  Your breathing became erratic with excitement so you run the sink and splash your face with some water.   There was no way you could answer that guy intelligibly right then so you pick up your phone to text him back, cancel his proposition.  Just then the bathroom door opens.

“You waiting for me?”  

You stood back in shock as he stood before you, leaning against the bathroom door all cool like a Sidney Poitier character.  

You sputtered a response.  “I was just gonna ask to talk to you.”

He nodded, turning to pull the lath on the door, locking it.  “Then let’s talk.”

He entered the bathroom until he was mere inches in front of you.  His olive green V neck with his gold chain resting around his neck tempted your eyes to look closer.

“I was going to say...that if you plan on moving in with her, there is no point in us doing  what...we do…” Your voice quivered on every third word, trailing off anticlimactically.  Not even a 2nd grader watching Sesame Street would believe you were real.

Y’lan scratches through his beard thoughtfully, whipping up the essential oil smell to arouse your nostrils.  “And what is it that we are doing?”

The scruffiness of his voice was his springboard to jump on him.  You looked away and caught a glimpse of you in the mirror.  Your pupils dilated from the gin told the story of what you wanted to do but your brain fought like hell to overcome it.  Watching him in the reflection staring at you up and down, hands in his pockets to camouflage his bulge; you had him in your palm.

You looked straight into his dark eyes with a smirk and said, “If your girl only knew…”

Y’lan’s hands grip your biceps and push you against the wall roughly.  The swift movement took your breath and your eyes widened.

“What would she know?”  Y’lan growled.  

You steady yourself, pushing yourself into him to find that spot that told all his business.  “You want me so damn bad.”

Y’lan smiled, turning his face to laugh.  You loved making him laugh.  “You think just because we had a couple of good conversations that now I want you?”

You knock his hands away, wrapping your arms around his waist and slid your hands down his back pockets.  He wasn’t going to get away that easy.

“How about a couple good conversations, one of which ended with a makeout session in the supply closet at the office party?”

“Which was months ago…”  

You whipped your hips against him until a stiff peak formed.  “And here you are still texting me, DMing me in front of your girlfriend to try and get together ‘as friends’.”

Y’lan takes your hips, spinning you around and onto the sink, setting off the automatic water.

“You shouldn’t drink alone,” he warned.

“Y’lan!  If you get my skirt wet, I swear to God!”  You arch your back, hanging onto his neck.

Y’lan’s beard tickles your neck as he licks it, hiking your skirt up over your ass.  The coolness of the counter on your skin makes you gasp.

“Just look at you, pathetic.  Can’t control yourself,”  you scold him as you dig into the muscles of his back ravenously.

He grips your neck, expertly holding you in place.  Your mouth hangs open in anticipation as he looks at you with evil glee.  You can hear the tick tock of his watch on his wrist underneath your jaw.

“You think your ass slick dressing up like this when I told you we were coming here.  Playing with them titties like it’s a game.  Skirt showing your ass follow you around the corner?  You try to set me up every step of the way.”

Your thighs cling to him tightly as you pull the neck of his shirt and laugh.  “If that’s how you see it, we could never work.  You deserve the busted, ditzy, goodie two shoe, weak pussy ass girlfriend in there.”

Y’lan let’s go of your neck with a loud grunt, tearing at your shirt to expose your breast, suck at your nipple with a force that shut down your capacities.  Your nails dig into his scalp while he manages your underwear up to your knees, before pushing them into your chest.

“Tell me you don’t want me too.”  Y’lan looks at you with a stoic seriousness as his hand holds your knees up strongly.

You try to buck against his hold but it proved no use. He had you pretzeled and exposed for whatever he needed.

“Fuck you,”  you barely squeak out due to the limited air from your chest being squished by your legs.

Y’lan shakes his head slowly before rearing his freehand back to smack your ass.  The sound reverberates off the walls like a crack of lightning.

“OW!  DAMN!”  You shout.

Y’lan scoffs.  “Finally cracked that cool shell off of you.  Now tell me and I’ll leave:  Do you want me?”

You still buck against his hands, kicking a little at the air.  “You have no rights to me.  It would just be a waste of time.”

He bit his lip as he smacks you again, harder.

“FUCK Y’LAN!”

“I didn’t ask you what you think will be, I’m asking right now what you want.  Now you got me hot, so I gotta do what I gotta do.”

Y’lan lowers himself between you, spreading your lips apart and before you could say please his tongue took its time on you.  Your head rolls against the mirror behind you as your squirm with gratification.  He does not miss a single crevice and hums happily into you as his thirst became fulfilled by your waters.

“Please…”  you whimper as he lets your knees relax over his shoulders giving you command again.  When his eyes locked onto you while he pulled your clit with his lips you felt yourself lose it.  You face strained in satisfaction, locking your thighs around his ears until you absolutely shook for mercy.

“I need...I need…” you gasped with each aftershock that trembled through your body.

Y’lan stood up again, unbuckling his pants a glistening smile.  “You need some of me, don’t you?”

You take what strength you have left to get off the sink, crashing into him and your knees woke up again.  He looked at you with concern as you adjusted your top to pop your girls back in their place and bent for your underwear.

“I need…” you gasped, pulling them up over your hips and smoothing your skirt down.  “...to get my wings.”

Y’lan’s face screwed up in an incredulous manner.  “What?  What wings?”

You turn to the mirror to straighten your hair and give a final once over.  “I ordered some to go.  They should be ready.  I’ll fuck a bitch up if their cold.”  You pat Y’lan’s hardened crotch.  “Down boy.”

As you walk slowly for the door, Y’lan calls out.  “So you just gonna leave it like this?  Until when?”

You look back at him with pity and serendipity.  “You think she would go crazy if she knew?  Or she would just cry?  Will you kiss her later on tonight?”

Y’lan stood there silently, buckling his pants back up and grabbing a paper towel for his mouth. 

“Maybe she would be happy, she seems very positive spirited.  But don’t ever call me again if you got some other girl claiming you.  Believe me when I say.  You know what I could do for you.  But you ain’t ready.”

You left him standing there in that bathroom and headed to the bar just as your order is called.  Picking up your food, you saw your coworker sitting there sipping her lemonade and waiting.  You didn’t feel guilty, however.  

Sitting at home and enjoying your wings, your phone lights up that you received a message.  

We’re not moving in together ever

You text back.  Did she cry?

No... she was mad

Wow, maybe you let a good one go after all

Nah, I’m straight.  

So am I...with these wings.

Do you have some left to share?

Hm, I coulda swore you ate earlier

Masterlist

#y'lan noel fic #shakafic

[hartigays]

Harringrove sleepover where they are high and play truth or dare... maybe some truths or secrets slip.. maybe some first kisses happen..

(i’m gonna do this one first because high boys give me LIFE)

steve takes the joint billy has handed to him, taking a long hit before passing it back.

“we should do something,” he comments. he’s laying on the floor, staring up at billy’s ceiling. billy sits on the couch in front of his fireplace, puffing on the joint.

it’s neil and susan’s wedding anniversary, so they’re both out of town for the weekend. this is actually the first time steve’s ever been allowed to see the inside of billy’s house. he was surprised when billy had called at all, asking if he was down to come smoke.

kind of a stupid question, really. steve is always down smoke.

“well. what do you suggest, stevie boy?” billy asks. he’s sprawled out on the couch, one arm slung over the side.

steve plucks the joint from his fingertips, bringing it to his lips and breathing in deep. “hm. we could play a game?”

billy laughs a little, sitting up to peer at him over the side of the couch. “are we fuckin’ six years old, harrington?”

“truth or dare is always fun. it’s a game for all ages.”

the look billy gives him is a mixture of judgmental, and considering. he finally shrugs, taking the joint from steve’s outstretched hand.

it’s starting to get late, and neil hadn’t felt the need to keep the heat up very high while they’re gone, even if it’s the dead of winter. so billy shuffles around, moving the couch and getting a fire going. by the time they make themselves comfortable at opposite ends of the couch, the joint is finished.

steve is comfortably warm and high. he burrows deeper into the couch cushions, shooting billy an appreciative smile.

“you go first, i guess,” billy says after a moment.

he’s lounging casually at the other end of the couch. the fire casts a soft orange glow over billy’s skin, making him look even more warm and inviting. steve clears his throat, looking away quickly.

“okay. truth or dare?” steve starts, still staring at the fire.

“hm. i’ll go with truth.”

steve pauses, thinking for a moment, trying to work his way through the high, fuzzy state of his brain for a reasonable question. there’s a lot of things steve wants to ask, but none of them would be appropriate, exactly. so he settles on something safe.

“what’s your biggest pet peeve?” he asks, finally pulling his eyes back to billy. he finds the other boy staring right back, unbothered.

“loud breathers,” billy says easily. “my turn. truth or dare?”

“loud breathers?” steve repeats, huffing out a laugh. “interesting. okay, i guess i’ll go with truth, too.”

“do you currently have a crush on anyone?” billy asks, almost immediately. he has an unreadable look on his face. steve feels himself flush.

“um. yes?” he answers after a beat, his gaze flickering back over to the fire. “okay, back to you. truth or dare.”

billy disregards his question, simply asking, “who?”

“that’s not how it works,” steve argues, rolling his eyes. deflecting hard. “truth. or dare?”

“fine,” billy complains, making a face. “i’ll go with truth again.”

“what’s your guilty pleasure?”

again, billy answers without missing a beat. “strawberry ice cream. you again, pretty boy. truth or dare.”

“well,” steve says, giving billy a knowing look. “since i know you’re going to ask me who my crush is, i’m going with dare.”

“fine by me. i dare you to tell me who your crush is.”

and okay, steve hadn’t been expecting that. “that is so not fair.”

“rules are rules. gotta take the dare, or change your choice to truth,” billy tells him, one brow arched. challenging.

steve is starting to wish, just a little bit, that he hadn’t suggested this at all. he’s just stupid and stoned, too relaxed and comfortable to think about the fact that he has way too many secrets to play a game that depends primarily on revealing them.

“why are you so interested in who i like?” steve asks, a challenge of his own.

“why are you avoiding the question?”

and okay, he can’t exactly argue with that. but he will anyway. “because it’s not like you’d even know him. i mean - her. jesus, the hell kind of weed did you get this time?”

“same as always,” billy tells him. his head is cocked to the side, curious. steve wishes he could use his hand and wipe the smirk right off of his face. “but fine. different dare. i dare you to tell me one of your deepest secrets.”

there’s a lot of options that come to mind. the primary ones being i sometimes fight monsters and i think boys are just as cute as girls and sometimes i think no one is ever going to love me.

instead, steve goes with, “okay. okay, when i was eight, i melted my neighbor’s barbie dolls. i was trying to see if they would melt faster than those little plastic soldiers. the little green ones, you know?”

“and how is this a deep secret?”

“because,” steve insists, “her family came around asking if i’d seen them. i lied and told them i’d seen one of the other neighbor kids messing around in their yard. they went over there and started a big commotion when the kid denied ever being over there in the first place. those families still have beef to this day.”

billy stares at him for a moment, then tosses his head back, his whole body shaking as he laughs. when he sobers, he gives steve a crooked smile. “you’re evil, harrington. you should be ashamed of yourself.”

“i’m headed straight for hell,” steve agrees, grinning a little himself. they’re quiet for a moment, before steve speaks again. “back to you, hargrove. truth or dare?”

“i guess i’ll mix it up this time,” billy says. “dare.”

steve hums thoughtfully, then settles on something he’s been curious about for a while. “i dare you to let me see your necklace.”

billy blinks. “my necklace?”

“yeah. the one you always wear.”

another beat of silence. and then billy shrugs, pushing himself up and shifting closer. steve does the same, moving until their knees knock. billy reaches into he collar of his hoodie, pulling out the necklace and moving to take it off.

steve stops him. “you don’t have to. i just wanted to look at it for a second.”

he takes the pendant from between billy’s fingers. it’s in pristine condition; it practically shines in the light from the fire. steve takes in all the details, running his thumb over the face of it before tucking it safely back into billy’s sweatshirt. he’s always been curious about it. it’s a pretty design, and he’s never seen billy without it on. he figures there’s some sort of story there, and wonders if billy would let him hear it.

when he looks up, his breath catches a little. he’d forgotten they’d moved so close, and billy’s face is dangerously close to steve’s. so close that steve can see every freckle on billy’s nose. it makes his heart flutter, just a little bit.

“truth or dare?” billy asks. his voice is a low rumble, and steve thinks he might be staring at his mouth.

but that’s crazy. steve shakes his head a little, trying to snap himself out of it. he’s still high off his ass, so he can’t be sure he’s not just imagining things. in fact, he’s pretty sure he is. his mind is still cloudy and billy’s so close, he’s clearly just seeing things that aren’t there.

“truth.”

“does your crush go to school with us?” billy asks, a small smile playing on his lips.

steve groans. “this again? seriously?” billy just looks at him expectantly. “fine, christ. yes. your turn.”

“truth. ask me something good.”

“i’ve got something good,” steve says after taking a pause to think. “do you currently have a crush?”

“i do,” billy answers. his voice is easy and cool. and he’s definitely staring at steve’s mouth now, his eyes still glassy and heavily lidded. “‘s all you again, stevie.”

steve has no idea what to make of that. but his heart rate kicks up a bit, his palms starting to sweat.

“you want to keep playing?” he asks finally. he’s desperately hoping the answer will be no, but something inside of him is screaming to keep going.

“absolutely.”

it’s the finality of it that throws steve off. his head is spinning a bit, his high mind trying to catch up with the current situation.

“i’ll do another dare,” steve answers. “gotta keep it consistent, i guess.”

“let me think,” billy says, looking a little thoughtful. then he gets a mischievous look on his face. “i dare you to describe what your crush looks like.”

steve chokes on his own spit, spluttering a bit. he has no idea what to say to that. he could always just lie, pick some random girl from one of his classes and use her description. but he has a feeling billy would see right through that.

“i, um,” steve stammers, his cheeks heating up. “h-she. she has um. curly, uh - curly hair. blue eyes.”

billy keeps looking at him, his expression still open. playful. he raises his brows. “and? gotta give me more than that, harrington.”

steve is starting to wonder what billy’s playing at, when it hits him. billy is toying with him. why? steve isn’t sure, but he sighs and continues on anyway, kind of wanting to see where this leads.

“um, okay. she’s a little shorter than me. feistier, too. she’s uh, she’s got freckles in cute places, you know? and she just got this tattoo recently. really cool design.”

and now steve knows he’s said way too much. his mouth snaps shut so quickly that his teeth crack together. but with the look billy is giving him - something heated and intense - it barely even registers.

“she sounds cute,” billy decides after a moment.

“uh. yeah, she is. yup.” steve’s flush spreads from his cheeks all the way down his neck. “back, um. back to you. truth or dare?”

“dare. c’mon, do your worst.”

steve is still trying to wrap his head around everything. so he doesn’t have it in him to think too hard, and just blurts out the first thing that comes to mind. “same as my dare. describe your crush.”

“well,” billy starts, staring directly into steve’s eyes. “he’s tall. taller than me. dumber, though. but that’s okay. it’s cute. he’s got these big brown eyes, all doe-eyed and shit. drives me nuts. and his hair? fuckin’ hell. never seen someone with so much hair in my life. but it’s perfect, all the time. i dunno how he does it. and his mouth, fuck. i would look at it all goddamn day if i could.”

his brain short circuits. that’s the best way steve can describe it. all he manages to squeak out is a pathetic, “he?”

“that’s not how it works,” billy says, imitating steve from earlier. but his eyes are sparkling and he’s practically fucking beaming. “truth or dare?”

“i - it just - you just -” steve stutters, tripping over his words.

“c’mon steve. you gotta pick one.” this time, when billy speaks, he’s a little breathless. his eyes are zeroed in on steve’s mouth again. he sounds a little wrecked, like he’s hanging on the precipice of something.

“i...dare?”

“i dare you to kiss me,” billy blurts, immediately.

steve freezes, his eyes now locked with billy’s. in his peripheral, he can see the rapid rise and fall of billy’s chest. and then he’s leaning in, because, as his stoned brain reminds him, it is a dare, and he’s not about to pussy out now.

he’ll worry about the real reason he’s following through with the dare later.

for now, steve just shifts foward, closing the distance between them. the first touch of his lips to billy’s is like an electric shock, but pleasant. billy gasps a little, seemingly involuntarily, one hand coming up to tangle in steve’s hair.

the movement makes steve feel a little bolder. he presses his lips to billy’s firmly, insistently. kisses billy slow at first, soft and tender. he feels the warmth of his high still rolling through him in waves, and combined with the feeling of billy’s lips against his, he feels like he’s floating.

when steve moves one of his hands, bringing it up to cup billy’s jaw, billy lets out what sounds like a soft whimper. and that has steve deepening the kiss, his other hand threading through billy’s curls and pulling him closer. he licks into billy’s mouth, trying to memorize every square inch of him. in case he never gets to do this again.

steve breaks away from billy’s lips. trails a line of gentle kisses along the stubble of billy’s jaw, up to his ear. he presses a sweet kiss to billy’s earlobe, delighting in the shiver it elicits. he pulls the sensitive skin between his teeth, biting gently. smiles when he hears that familiar sharp intake of breath, billy’s hands moving to grab steve’s shoulders, clinging to him tightly.

“god,” billy sighs when steve releases his skin from between his teeth, tucking himself into billy’s neck. “i thought you were never going to do that.”

steve pulls back and gapes at him. “wait. you knew the whole time?”

“duh. you’re shit at keeping secrets, steve,” billy says, huffing out an endearing laugh. “i knew you would never tell. not without, you know. a little push.”

“you could’ve just said something.”

billy gives him a coy smile. “but where’s the fun in that?”

steve huffs out a small noise of exasperation, but before he can say anything, billy’s lips are on his again. all the fight drains out of him and steve melts at the touch, sighing happily.

he can whine at billy any other time. right now, all he wants to do is kiss the boy beneath him until he’s dizzy.

so that’s exactly what he does.

#HERE U GO BBY THANK U FOR SENDING ME THIS ♥️ #i love writing high adventures w these goobers #harringrove #my fics #ask #uncle-keery

[lokialternatetimeline]

Why so serious? Why so jealous?(part 1)

Hi, R.A.W here. It’s my first and maybe only try at fan fiction. Sorry for the bad English. Wasn’t my loved subject at school. you can correct me, I’m not that touchy. I hope you enjoy.

P.s let me know if you’d experience something similar irl.

pairing: Thomas S. Holland x Reader

Warning: Don’t know if I will include smut in it or not. may a light smut in part two.

Summary: The reader reunite with ex Tom after a bad break up. They got caught in their desire for each others body. Your best friend called you over for a night out. She was invited to a party by some guys at her job and could bring a friend. You weren't a fan of night out but you wanted to cool down your head a little from what was happening at home. 'It's at Harrison's house. We'll dress there. The party start at ten.' said Natacha, parking in front of a residence you well know. 'What?!! You meant THIS HARRISON!‘ 'I know you would back down if I told you the truth.' 'But... why so early?' 'I 'll help out a little. Harrison isn't as great as he think he is in a kitchen. And you can make something or play with the others... You know make some new friends.' 'Ah!! YOU!!' ' yeah yeah . You love me too.' You were so angry that you didn't watch your step while getting out of the car and slipped on gravel. 'What the hell? Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! you cursed. 'Again!' laugh Natacha.

You felt two hand grab your waist and lift you like you were nothing.  You froze and didn't want to turn around to see who did that. Cause that person saw you fell. Not like it was the first time you had your butt of the ground but you weren't in a place you felt comfortable. 'Are you alright?' said the person. And THAT voice. 'oh fuck! you cursed again as you turn around. Yeah. I think my butt is fine, Tom.' Tom's face changed since the last time you saw him. Curiously, he didn't have that mole on his chin you used to love. And his body was wider too in that white shirt. 'That was a lot of cursing, Deadpool', he said trying not to laugh. ' Thanks I don't need help, yell Natasha trying to get all her stuff from the car at once. 'Oh sorry. I didn't see you. I'll lend you a hand.' ‘Such a gentleman. Why can’t Harrison be more like you?’ ‘He is.’ ‘Just not with me, she signed.’

You waited until you got inside with Natasha's makeup suitcase to ask. 'Are you scheming something.' 'I swear on your little brother. I'm not.' she said sincerely. 'So why didn't you tell me Tom will be in that party?' 'I needed you to get out of the house... and introduce me to one of his friend.' 'Why not asking Harrison.' 'He will act like some big brother, making going crazy and I don’t wanna act like a fool in front of his handsome friends.’ 'More insane that you actually are? ... okay okay, I'll help you out.' 'Yay!' 'Help out with what, girls? Harrison and Tom was near them. Harrison gave you both a hug, then grab you by the waist and invite you in his house. ...

'Please! just for tonight. I promise I'll only use one eye shadow, mascara and lipstick', begged Natasha. 'Promise promise?’ 'I swear on the head of your little brother.' 'okay but I'm not fan of that dress.' 'Oh come on! I'm not the only one getting it tonight.' 'I didn't come for that!' 'Whatever. Just be pretty for yourself tonight. And for me. I like to see my friend's cute ass in a dress once in a while.' You both laugh.

*knock on the door* 'No one is naked, you can come in, you giggle.' But that smile runaway when you saw the face of Tom. 'Fuck!' 'Natacha, Harrison is looking for you.' 'Okay. I'm out.' *door close* ' May I help you with some thing?' 'Put on my makeup, you smirked.' 'Alright. I'm pretty confident in my skill. You both laughed.

He sat on the chair in front of you and run his big hand through Natasha's makeup. 'What color for your eyes Ma'am?' 'Whatever suits me.' 'Then blue.' 'That's yours.' 'shuuu. close your eyes.'

Not seeing anything made you so nervous that your heart start to punch your ribs so hard it hurts. You felt the brush on your eye and somehow his breath too, making you swear again. 'your mouth too' 'No! I'll do it myself, you yelled opening your eyes. You jolt. His face was so close to yours. No wonder you also felt the heat of his body. A now body of a man. 'I mean... close your mouth. no cursing, Darling. 'Don't call me that, you defend yourself, embarrassed. His smile fade to give place to a serious face. And you remembered. You remembered that this was the last thing you said to him before breaking up. And what a stupid reason to break up. You were just ignorant at that time. Now you know that it was natural that it hurts the first time and didn’t have to blame him cause you were too scare it would feel the same pain if you do it again. 'Sorry... i didn't... 'I know. And he kissed you. The same sensation of your first kiss hit you like Godzilla beaming your body with all that explosion igniting your senses. His hands on your thigh gave a sly pressure and his kiss intensify making you lose your breath. You retreat, surprised, your eyes wide open.

*door open*

'What is going on here!?' Natacha stomped in the room making them jumped. 'Tom! What did you do to her? 'Nothing, he said, feeling guilty. 'Blue is okay but that's not the way you put on makeup.’ 'How dare you insult my magnificent work? I'm the best makeup artist in the whole world. This is art. You laughed. 'MMmm yeah. Get your little ass out now. She gave me carte' blanche to dress her up.' He looked at you and got up. 'See you soon then.'*door close* 'Are you hiding something?' asked Natacha noticing the redness on your face. 'Not really, you lied. So you did you got for me?' Natasha smile went up her ear. Nothing decent, probably, she thought.....

Tom was waiting downstairs. Again. Waiting was his pet peeve. He played it cool when he heard from Harrison that you were coming to the party two weeks ago. Two fucking weeks. He didn't know really know his actual feeling for her right now. But hearing your name made him kind of furious and excited. He didn't know why but he found himself waiting by the door like Tessa usually waits for him coming back home. It was so frustrating not knowing what was happening to him. And she was there. Butt on the ground. Like always. And found himself kissing her on impulse. It felt so damn good that he nearly loose his mind there. What would happen if she didn't push him? He blushed at that though. And Natacha who as going to take care of her. Oh god! His really gonna loose his mind. Gotta think about something else. People were still coming at the party. Lots of them. He signed and slide in the crowd getting a himself a beer. 'something else... something else...' he repeated to himself. 'Thomas!' 'Oh shit! not her. He saw Janice. That annoying glue, Janice.

There was so much people downstairs that you felt nervous. Mainly in that get up. You were thankful that Natacha choose a dress that was easy to move in and not as short as hers. A light blue skater dress with little lemon green dots and your makeup wasn't too much. Blue for the eyes, mascara, and light pink bling bling for your lips. It was weird to see yourself like that in the mirror. But you loved it. You felt pretty and that felt good too. 'Y/N! He is there. next to Tom.' You turned in the direction Natacha pointed. Tom was now wearing a classic black chess long shirt that he'd fold, letting his forearm showing. A pretty girl was clinging to his arms. Natacha was wearing lightly makeup in comparison. You went to William, ignoring the monster who was throbbing in your heart. Jealousy. 'Hi William. Can I have a word with you? 'Hey Y/N! he kinda screamed while hugging you. Tom was glaring. A little scary to your taste. William was tall so you asked him to lean a little and  murmured that you got a friend who wanted to meet him. William knew who you were talking about so reply excited: 'Oh. You're gonna make me the happiest.' Tom's glare felt like Hawkeye shooting electric arrow at you. Scary but arousing. Runaway...... 

Tom was so furious that he ditched Janice like a genius for once and got out for some fresh air. Why did it have to be William? He was the tallest among his friends. And they all made fun of them when they stand side by side. The tallest and the shortest. Tom was the most talented but height was his embarrassing complex. He signed. Y/N was stunning. More than he had imagine. *door open* It was William with a little shadow with him. He went to them, letting go of all frustration. He's gonna fight for her. 'Hey Tom. He stopped. 'Oh Natacha. ... hum.. Harry is looking for you. 'Now? she lamented. ' Yeah! Now! 'Okay. Tom followed her in the house leaving William smoking. He found her on a chair, Jacob next to her. He went to Ned and asked him to switch place. Jacob shrugged his shoulders and slide to the right. He crouched down next to her. She was looking at Natacha and Harrison, apparently in full argument. 'Jake, don't you think that Harrison has a thing for Natacha?' you asked turning your head and got Tom's face at 5 centimeter apart from yours. 'Fuck!' Your glass of beer slide from your hand and felt on your dress. 'oh fuck'. 'Ah clumsy Y/N is still the same, he laughed. Come with me.' You didn't discuss and just followed him to the kitchen. But he passed the kitchen and went upstairs. maybe in the guess room where you were assign with Natacha. But he also passed it. So it will be his room.

#tom holland x reader #tom holland #harrison osterfield #teammcu #fanfic

[ivarsshieldmadien]

Le Trio Mortel

This is for readers 18+ 

This is a spooky awesome collab I am doing with @grungyblonde and @laketaj24 I love these girls and I love this fic!! I hope everyone enjoys this and if you haven't read the prologue yet, read it HERE 

1821 New Orleans

A chill of relief shot through my body when the younger looking, undead woman handed me my grimoire, “I thought it was lost forever.”  I said, looking back to the pale woman, her cheeks were sunk in and she was so thin she didn’t look like much of a threat. She seemed relived and excited as she raises to sit on her knees and said, “My name is Melisandre D’Amour. And I seek refuge and revenge against the vampire coven of New Orleans.”

“Melisandre come sit with me. It seems we have a lot to discuss.” I said, reaching out a hand to help her off the ground. Her hands were ice cold, “first, you need to feed.” I look over my shoulder, “Leandro.” Leandro sauntered over to Meli, “take off your shirt.” He obeyed and waited for my word, “kneel.” His brown skin glistened in the candlelight and I run a sharp nail up his toned, muscular back. When I got to the top of his head I yanked it back exposing his neck to her. Meli looks up with a mixture of emotions in her eyes, “go on, you need to eat,” she opens her mouth revealing her fangs and she, hastily, clamps down on his neck. I think to myself, she must be new at this because this girl was a messy eater. She was done in seconds and Leandro’s limp body fell to the floor. I waved a hand, and someone dragged his heavy lifeless body away. “Thank you.” Meli said wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. I nodded in response.

“Tell me Meli, how did you come to possess my grimoire?” I asked running my fingers over the cover of my sacred book as she began her story.

“My father was an affluent aristocrat in France and he moved me and my mother to New Orleans a few months ago to flee from the war. One night, I was at a party with my parents when, none other than, Count Saint Germaine came up to my father and asked for my hand in marriage. My father refused, he thought I should make my own decision on who I wanted to marry. After that, everything was kind of a blur. The Count moved so fast, there was blood everywhere and I looked around and everyone was dead, including my mother and father. The Count took me to, some kind of, cellar and asked me if I would be his wife. I spit in his face.”

I let out a scuff, I like this girl, she is feisty, I thought to myself.  She continued, “He turned me shorty after I refused him, and he chained me up. I knew my soul left me and I could feel my body changing into something else, something different. All I could think about was my hunger. He starved me and kept me chained like that for days, weeks, I honestly don’t know. He thought he would wear me down, make me bend to his will. I remember the darkness of the cellar. The longer I was down there the more my eyes adapted too little to no light, to the point that candle light would make me squint. My hearing was so sensitive, when the Count would bring someone into the room, I could close my eyes and hear their thick, rich blood pumping through their veins, and it was all I could think about. So, one day I over heard the Count talking to someone about you Marie.”

My eyebrows shot up, revealing how intrigued I was at her story, “Yes, go on.” I said, encouraging her to continue. “He spoke of a very powerful spell book that he possessed and a soul he trapped, away from you. On the night I escaped, I knew I had to find you and return this to you.” She said reaching out and touching the book. “Marie, you are the only person that can help me inflict the pain and suffering the coven deserves. I pledge my undying loyalty to you Marie Laveau.” Meli finishes.

I leaned forward and reached out my hand and touched her cold, pale cheek, “They took someone very dear to me too.” Her eyes grew, “The soul they are keeping trapped is my lover. They killed the love of my life like an animal in front of me and they are keeping his soul from me. I need it back for when a strong and righteous vessel comes along his soul will enter and we will be reunited.” I nodded and said, “I will grant you protection and I will help you avenge your family’s demise.”

 Present day, New Orleans

Ragnarssons POV

He gripped her golden tan skin hard pulling her against him. She was hot and wet around his aching cock. Her moans were melodic and so fucking sexy, “Ugh I-I’m gonna…” Ivar woke up, panting in a cold sweat, to Hvitserk snoring in the room across the hall.

***

He had the same recurring dream about the woman every night for a month. It is what caused Ivar to talk his brothers, which wasn’t very hard, into flying to New Orleans. He didn’t know why it had to be New Orleans, it was like something was calling him there. His brothers loved the idea right away and they were pumped to party on Bourbon Street. Ubbe had been on his phone most of the flight over researching the best tittie bars and drive thru daquiri shops, Ubbe was always on that damn phone and it was his younger brother’s biggest pet peeves. Hvitserk on the other hand, hasn’t stopped talking about all the amazing food he was ready to eat. Right when they got off the plane and headed to their Air B&B, Hvitserk made Ubbe pull over so he could run into Café du Monde to get some beignets. That boy was always eating something.

Ivar attempted to go back to sleep and it wasn’t happening, so he sat up and pulled out his laptop and started looking at cool things to do in New Orleans. He was scrolling through a list of haunted ghost tours and the computer jumped to a page for St. Louis Cemetery. A chilling whisper drifted across Ivar’s ear, like someone was right there next to him, “come. Come to me,” it said.

***

The sun’s up and Ivar is sitting at the kitchen bar drinking a glass of water when Hvitserk walks in, “Ivar, check this shit out. Ubbe, come on man show him.” Hvitty says motioning his oldest brother to come over, “show him the picture on Insta.” Ubbe held up his phone and there was a picture of a huge bloody mary with an entire fried chicken sticking out of it. “We are going right now.” Hvitserk said excited.

After a delicious breakfast the boys started walking down a street by the French Quarter. Hvitserk, was trailing behind Ivar with Ubbe and was already discussing what he was going to have for lunch, “I definitely want some fried catfish, some etouffee, oh and I gotta have some gumbo.” Hvitserk continued to spout off any dish that was remotely southern while Ubbe was face deep in his phone, looking for Odin knows what. Ivar turned down an alley way and his brothers, not paying attention to where he was leading them, followed him. “Come to me.” He heard the cool whisper again. Next thing he knew, they were all standing in front of a blood red door. “Ivar, where are we?” Ubbe asked, finally looking up from his phone. “I don’t think this is where the brewery tour is.” Hvitserk said. Ivar didn’t even knock, he just, pushed the door open and saw her, the woman from his dreams.

Marie’s POV

Before the door opened I knew he was there. I turn in my chair slowly and stop when I saw his familiar piercing blue eyes. He looks just like my soul mate from so long ago. All three men in front of me were gorgeous. They all resemble each other so it is easy to assume they are brothers.

“Tu es revenu vers moi.” I say under my breath. I turn to my right and Charlot has stopped grinding herbs in her mortar and pestle, she is distracted. Of the three men, her eyes were scanning the toned body of the oldest brother.

My gaze turns back towards the three men in front of us when Melisandre slides out of the shadows behind them. She feed recently, and I know she can control herself around them but it’s a matter of if she wants too. She hovers behind the tall one with his hair tied in a bun, “mmm this one smells delicious.” She says making the man jump and turn to look at her quickly.

“Bonjou, what is it I can do for any of you today?” I ask already knowing their answers. Still studying his uncanny resemblance to my lover, he answers honestly, “ugh I really don’t know. Something drew me here, like something was calling me.” I let a smirk slide across my face. I am the reason he is here. I cast a simple spell, so I could find an ancestor of my lover Baron, and here he is, standing in front of me staring with those same crystal blue eyes. “what are your names?” I ask and each of the brothers rattle off their names like roll call, “I’m Ubbe.” Says the older one, “I’m Hvitserk.” Says the one with, I think the kids are calling it, a man bun. “And I’m Ivar.” My blue-eyed lover says. He is perfect, and I knew in this moment he is the vessel I had been searching for, for so many years.

taglist:

@imgoldielikehawn @courtrae89 @whenimaunicorn @ceridwenofwales @equalstrashflavoredtrash @sparklemichele @lisinfleur @readsalot73 @titty-teetee @lupy22 @ivaraddict @akamaiden @wheredidallthedreamersgo @therealcalicali @nocturneinaminor @siren-queen03 @savismith @honestsycrets @laketaj24 @greennightspider @mintandfigs @captstefanbrandt @dangerousvikings @funmadnessandbadassvikings @mblaqgi @kingbouji3 @rekdreams247 @bluearchersstuff  @michaeliskindahot @tephi101 @wish-i-was-a-mermaid @dopeybubbles @romanchronicles @seremedyxiii  @flokilaksh @atequila  @float-autumn-leave @ivarslittlebadgirl @kaephei-grimoire @haliannej @badbitsh13 @happydaysandersen @oddsnendsfanfics @lisinfleur @lol-haha-joke @awesomerextyphoon @igetcarriedawaywithyou @ivarswickedqueen @tomarisela @itsspecial-itsnotforeveryone @exchulte @sparklydreams @lostinthebeans @cbouvier23 @ivarsrideordie @therealmrshale @missrobyn81 @perfectus-in-morte @bappo-take-a-nappo @thebookisbtr @Rabeccablake @dmv49 @missliquor20 @alicedopey @grungyblonde @daughterofthenight117  @heathen-whore  @ivars-snowflake  @vikingsandetc  @ivarslittlebadgirl @93generation @tgrrose @cc8302 @ivarlothbroks @lokigoddess @filthy-lil-thing @deepdarkred @queen-see-ya-in-valhalla @in-livvin-color @unacceptabletatertots @lovelynerdytraveler  @purplerain85  @peaceisadirtyword  @thevikingsheaux @that-goodgirl @moondustmemories

If you want to be added or removed from this taglist send me a message!

#voodoo #vikings ivar #ivar lothbrok #ivar fanfic #ivar x reader #ivar #alex høgh #alex hogh andersen #marco ilsø #marco ilso #Hvitserk #hvitserk ragnarson #hvitserk fanfic #hvitty #vikings hvitserk #jordan patrick smith #ubbe #vikings ubbe #Ubbe Lothbrok #ubbe ragnarson #ubbe imagine

[rimurutempest-bounced]

questions for neurodivergent folks ( from @shitborderlinesdo )

post here!

if ur autistic:

1. do you stim?

yes, sometimes! i’ve suppressed a lot of it over time but i still do some subtly.

 if so, what are yr favourite stims? 

touching/tapping the tips of my fingers together, stroking soft patches of skin(esp backs of my hands, wrists, or parts of my thighs, hips, ankles), cracking knuckles, stretching fingers/feet/arms/legs rly far, rapid blinking(though i also have a tic involving blinking which is similar, but involuntary), bubble wrap,flicking light switches/door lock mechanisms, bouncing on toes, toewalking, chewing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(esp pens/pen caps and similar textures), biting, mouthing/lipping things, clacking my teeth lightly, whistling, leg jiggle sometimes, jumping, skipping, hopping, and a few other rly specific things (like involving swimming, or being on something and hanging so im upside down and stuff)

2. happy stims? chewing, biting, skin stroking, finger tapping, skipping, hopping, jumping 3. negative stims? snapping fingers, “hiccuping” (it’s a little giggle/hiccup type thing i do, but idk what to call it), teeth clacking, leg jiggle, exposing too long to extreme cold temps, hitting head against things 4. favourite textures? idk how to explain the soft-smooth i like; silk usually looks like it should feel like this, but it doesn't. also when people talk about “plush velvet” the texture that comes to mind is good, like a really nice stuffed animal or a cavalier king charles spaniel with super soft fur, but real velvet feels bad lol. also just most fur in general, esp rabbit, cat, certain dogs. some wing or chest feathers on birds like doves. milk weed fluff. soft, squishy, fuzzy caterpillars(not the bristly guard hair ones. more like forest tent caterpillars), moon jellies, soft leather/suede, really smooth grey granite, polished shiny pink granite, lambs ear/mullein 5. least favourite textures? some types of linen are VERY BAD but idk what they are, they’re like stiff and scratchy and feel super cold? gummy bears, ew. really hard chocolate in cold ice cream, a lot of faux furs, like so many, most (sheep)wool, scallops, often times chinchilla fur feels bad, most velvet, esp crushed velvet, potato sacks, a lot of plastic bags/thin plastic film 6. what's a pet peeve of urs involving a specific sound? squeaky plastic is the worst, esp from plastic wrap. teeth grinding/bruxing is bad, hearing people having sex in another room/apt, heavy footsteps/stomping, esp when fast like running, door slamming, when people slam their hands on a table because they just thought of something, the sound quality of like...having water in your ears/popped ear drums, where everything feels muffled and almost whispery/far away, but also REALLY LOUD AND CLOSE... 7. a specific sound that makes you Really Happy? al snoring softly like a cat, my cat snoring, cats purring, crackling fires, wind whistling, waves lapping, thunder rumbling, THUNDER CRACKING, wood creaking in a strong wind, that soft snuffling of cat/dog noses, the sound of rodents digging in bedding or eating millet, angel caller bells(bola, fairy callers, whatever you call them) 8. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)? about 6 years ago what has changed with the diagnosis? i dont hate myself for as much of my behaviours/thinking/speech patterns. im slowly trying to let myself let go of “survival mode” NT behaviours i was forced to learn 9. are there any behaviours you have that, prior to diagnosis, didnt make much sense, but now they do? too many to list lmao 10. what kind of representation would you like to see of autistic ppl in media? girls, trans folks, autistics of colour, just less cis white boy perfect example savants. autistics with “atypical” autistic symptoms. autistics with ugly meltdowns and other unpleasant symptoms. autistics who are messy eaters, who can’t dress themselves, who struggle with everyday tasks and self care. autistics with “useless” special interests that cant be reworked to make them more productive genius types. LOUD autistics.  

if ur mentally ill:

11.when were you diagnosed (self or professional)?

6 yrs old or younger

12. what is your diagnosis/are your diagnoses?

BPD, (various types of)depression, DPD/social anxiety(when i’m alone)/agoraphobia, panic disorder NOS, mood disorder NOS, DID, ADD/ADHD-PI, ASD, gender dysphoria at one point, conduct disorder or whatever it was called. IED. all i can think of. all diagnosed professionally over the years, though ASD is not on any official records because i asked it to be left off to avoid that specific abuse/stigma.

13. is the community youve found with other mentally ill ppl helpful?

mostly no. but in some ways, yes. i appreciate having more access to info, hearing relatable stories, common symptoms/experiences that help me understand things better, etc. close friends with illnesses/disorders are nice, but mostly i know them for other reasons outside of diagnoses.

14. do you find it challenging to tell ppl yr mentally ill?

absolutely

15. what are the most effective coping mechanisms youve found?

im not sure. i just...cope? somehow? not always effectively, but idk.

16. have you ever been to therapy?

ya

if yes, what helped and what didnt help?

i hate group therapy. in individual therapy, i like having my husband sit in on the sessions for support. therapist NEEDS to prompt me and ask active and specific questions. setting clear goals with clear steps helps. a lot of more “creative” methods actually are super unhelpful for me.

17. do "find your happy place" exercises help you or no?

sort of? i don’t try them much. usually they make me sadder that im not there.

18. what are some of the most Tiresome Cliches ppl tell you to deal with yr mental illness (i.e., "just do yoga!")? 

“everyone gets depressed”, “yoga”, “fresh air, sunlight, and exercise!”, “essential oils”, “meditation”, “_______ diet/supplement”, “mind over matter”, “lose some weight” (THIS DOES NOT MEAN NONE OF THESE CAN BE HELPFUL AND I DO WANT TO DO SOME OF THESE THINGS, BUT STATING THE OBVIOUS ABOUT THIS SHIT AND BEING CONDESCENDING IS SO FUCKING ANNOYING)

19. what books / movies have really helped u?

none in this regard

20. what kind of representation would u like to see of mentally ill ppl in media?

idk. better. sympathetic without condescentding, infantilising, or demonising. sympathetic recovery stories, showing a happy ending, but not some “theyre cured” BS

if ur chronically ill:

21. when were you diagnosed (self or professionally)?

asthma - like 4 yrs old, tendonitis - like 13 yrs old, unspecified pain/inflammation - 2019 professionally (like 2011 ish on my own, but really it started when i was ~13), nocturnal epilepsy - not done with diagnosis process/testing as of july 2019, a few chronic infections that don’t affect me any more were diagnosed when i was a kid, idk

22. do you find the support system with other similarly affected ppl to be helpful?

i’ve not been involved much, tried it out, really

23. what do you struggle w most on a daily basis?

pain/inflammation/stiffness in joints, back, neck, shoulders, feet

24. what helps you most?

i wanna say sleep, but it actually makes everything worse so, new diet(anti inflammation), making goals/plans, spirituality, going to healing places like the woods or by the sea or mountains, massage, soft comforting petting from my husband

25. what do you want to tell able-bodied and neurotypical ppl in regards to chronic illness?

it’s not the same. yeah maybe “everyone has back pain”, but my pain and your pain are different; they happen for different reasons and they affect us in different ways. if everyone is in pain we should do something to make life easier for everyone, not dismiss people who are suffering.

26. how do u keep your strength on a daily basis? i dont

27. if yr family supportive?

mostly yeah?

if not, who do you find the most strength and support in, outside of yourself?

my husband, regardless

28. what kind of representation would you like to see of chronically ill ppl in media?

show me people who find creative, easy, free/cheap ways to be comfortable/improve symptoms. do not fucking cure them to make them happy. let them be happy and comfortable by finding new ways to do things, no by erasing their obstacles.

if u have bpd:

29. when were u diagnosed (self or professionally)?

2014, i think? though it was suggested by a therapist in like 2008 or 2009

30. do you think the support system in the community is helpful?

no

31. what are some of the ways you keep yrself grounded and remind yrself to Take a Step Back when bad feelings get in the way of rational thinking?

remind myself other people have autonomy, think about how i would feel if someone reacted to things i was doing the way my brain wants to impulsively react to them, talk talk talk, find something else to do as distraction

32. coping skills?

idfk what they are, they’re just there. usually.

33. how do u keep yrself in check when impulsive mood swings come around?

uh, mostly i covered this in 31. gotta reset focus on something else, find distraction that produces different emotions until mood passes

34. what skills do you use to remind yourself that you are loved?

husband. doesnt always work, but mostly.

35. who has been the most supportive of u?

husband.

36. how has your diagnosis changed the way you view yrself and yr interactions w other ppl?

more mindful of others feelings and needs, esp my mum with BPD

37. what kind of representation would you like to see of ppl w bpd in media?

not fucking abusive/manipulative or miserable. let us struggle but have great supports and practice effective coping skills so we can build stronger relationship bonds and enjoy socializing and/or things that are personally important

all ppl:

38. how do you deal w ableism that comes at you from all directions?

laugh about it with my friends i guess?

39. who in your life is the most supportive of u and yr recovery?

husband

40. who are some people on tumblr who have really helped u in yr journey?

well, i met cieran here. alice has been a good influence. there’s a few of you for sure, though maybe not all specifically for these sorts of things.

41. best coping skills?

i dont know

42. most irritating Ableist Cliches ppl use to tell u yr not good enough?

infantilizing me(comparing me to a child), mocking my productivity/commercial success, “daddy issues”, trying to gaslight me into thinking i’ve been abusive because we disagree on something/i pointed out something they dont like

43. best most supportive thing anyone's said to you? 

“i want to be like you when i grow up”

44. songs for Happy Times?

counting stars, gooey, just about anything by MIKA, most “meme” songs

45. songs for Not-Happy Times?

a lot of hozier, bastille, of monsters and men, rage against the machine, flobots

46. non-triggering movies that discuss mental illness?

im not sure, i know there are some i love that i could list, but none are coming to mind. not a movie but: moomin and most ghibli media, esp kiki’s delivery service.

#long post #mental health #actuallyautistic #chronic illness #borderline personality disorder #about me #idk #shitborderlinesdo

[sulkybbarnes]

hi mara 🌹 what are some of the tropes taken up that you dislike in fics—whether in the trc fandom or elsewhere?

hi buddy!! honestly, there are a lot of harmful tropes used in fics and they leave me irritated so I’ve learned to pick up on them quickly and exit the fic, and some other tropes that I just don’t like/appreciate personally. it being t*c fics is a fair assumption to make, but this happens in a lot of fandoms also so I’m not just talking about t*c here. fair warning: this might get long and annoying, nonny, but you asked soooo.. here we go:

first of all: the infantilization of lgbt+ characters and fandom’s tendency to pretend that mlm/wlw can’t make their own decisions or take care of themselves without (often very condescending) instructions from the people around them, and weird versions of a friend being a “mom” or “dad” figure? I know it’s a running joke in some fandoms about certain characters, but you gotta draw the line at treating your characters like infants and pretending they’ll appreciate it, folks. 

another side to this is infantilization and desexualization of characters of colour (and this is a huge problem with om*cp fandom) and overstating how “innocent” and “naive” a character of colour is solely bc that’s how their ethnicity is often wrongfully stereotyped. in short, unintentional racist undertones.

having one half of a pairing be outright toxic or borderline abusive to the other half, just bc the author wanted to write some misguided hurt/comfort and throw in Angst™ in there. and no, making the other character ‘apologise’ doesn’t make it better, and frankly I think you should step back and think why you’d even support this pairing if that was really how they acted in canon. this trope is especially sickening when one half of the pairing is an abuse survivor. yes I am talking about t*c fic now lol.

translating ptsd and surviving abuse as an inability to love or be intimate with another person. this one personally offends me and is a harmful trope at the same time. sure, experiencing trauma can make it difficult to communicate your wants fluently and can make someone struggle with their emotions but. please don’t write characters who survived horrible situations as unable to love or be happy without being extremely cruel. don’t overplay the “XYZ is bad at feelings” thing either bc a lot of people who relate to the character might internalise what they’re reading, and you’re kinda disrespecting character development and whatever healing that character went through to get where they are.

additionally, using a character’s abuse for Angst P*rn is a really cheap trope in general.

heteronormative roles in same sex relationships and?? one person being extremely vocal/cruel/masculine while the other is demure and obviously intended to seem very feminine???? just. don’t do that. but also don’t treat femininity in gay characters as a horrible trait you gotta get rid of. people are complex and multidimensional. remember to write your characters as people. 

the shovel talk being given to someone in fics personally annoys me. maybe I’m too independent or just not a fan of condescending attitudes in any capacity but… it really annoys me lmao. 

when the shovel talk is given to an abuse survivor, it goes from annoying me to making me instantly exit a fic in anger tbh lol. please think before you write stuff y’all. why do you have a character threatening to beat up an abuse survivor???? wtf were you thinking?!  

a huge pet-peeve of mine is bad communication. now this is just me, I don’t like reading fics where it goes on for 5k where the couple is fighting and can’t seem to have a civil talk to save their lives. I just find it really boring ngl and I move on quickly to something else

I’ve sadly seen this in several fics before where a character’s disability is somehow used to further the story, or again used for cheap emotional value. I find it really disrespectful and mean, and I’ve seen people who have the same disability speak up against it before. it’s really important and I think it goes unnoticed a lot.

cheating and breakup fics. can’t read it. won’t read it. again, a personal preference.

homophobia for the sake of homophobia. please don’t use things like homophobic parents or past abuse as fodder for hurt/comfort without giving the topics the weight they deserve. trust me it’s easy to tell when it’s just used for Angst and not treated seriously and it leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

personally, I don’t like anything that focuses too much on top/bottom dynamics and plays more into a heteronormative understanding of what sex for lgbt couples should look like. also anything that even slightly promotes dub-con is an immediate no, and I’ve blocked people for it before tbh.

this relates to a point I made before but fics where pairings are rude and cruel to each other just make me wonder why anyone would even ship this to begin with. 

aaaand I can keep going but honestly this got so long and I’m pretty sure you’re regretting asking at this point (if you read this far) but sorry I told you it might get long! I just have a lot of thoughts lmao, it’s why I only read fics from certain authors and am super picky otherwise. 

thanks for asking, nonny!!

#watch me get unfollowd bc of this lmao #sorry i talked a lot and i even tried to make this a short list yikes #mara talks for ts #** #*** #abuse mention tw #ptsd mention tw #anonymous #abuse tw

[kxlebcross]

multiples of three, please.

oh man i cant believe ur making me do maths at 4:18 am... but here goes nothing! (it’s gonna be long so i put it under a read more)

3. Ever done any drugs? uhhhh... yeah, for a short period yrs ago i had a friend group and with them we smoked weed pretty much every weekend... they did some hard drugs too but i never dared trying those cuz im a lil bitch lmao aaaaand i don’t do that anymore, it’s an expensive hobby to have and i usually waste my drugs money on pc games and ordering food srgsdfg

6. Describe your dream home. probs somewhere in a big city, close to the center because i love being a big city kid.... a mid-sized flat with lots of plants and those neat cat playgrounds mounted on the wall because i plan on having at least 4 cats in the future asdsd and i’d love to have a bigger balcony which i could transform into a little jungle and hand a hammock there and just chill and listen to the city’s noises at night when i can’t sleep

9. Do you watch porn? you may not believe but i actually don’t sdgsdfg the horny teen phase is over for me, if i wanna interact with anything pornographic i just read fanfiction dfgsdfgsf

12. What’s one of your fantasies? i hope it’s not supposed to be an erotic one lmao but i really wanna go on a road trip through europe, just pack up my shit and drive around, also i wanna visit haunted places all around england and get into the gaming business as a game translator/tester eventually

15. Are you in a relationship? thank god not anymore... and honestly i don’t miss it anymore, all of my previous ones were disasters and ended in a really ugly manner so.. no, i’m all good with my cat

18. What tattoos do you want? i don’t have specific plans for motives - though i’d really like a kitsune mask somewhere and a moon and one song quote. i’d like to have my whole left sleeve done, maybe part of my back, a half sleeve on my right hand and something smaller on my ankle - and i’m actually open to anything the tattooists would pick out; i care more about who’s gonna create my tattoo than what’s it gonna be, as my actually existing 2 tattoos r also premade, randomly picked out ones (though they accidentally matched up in some way and look pretty neat imo)

21. Describe your best friend. that’s a hard one.... i don’t think i have one anymore. i used to have this girl in my life, M, who i was really close to, but we had a fallout in october and she never came around to fix this even though i was open to the idea... so i lost my best friend, which is kinda sad considering that she was the only person i could open up to in the last 3 yrs. but hey that happens! i moved on and have a close friend still so im all good.

24. What are three places you want to travel? i really wanna visit scotland! it has this specific atmosphere i really long to experience, and i wanna see the landmarks and grassy fields and loch ness and haunted places and just roam around there for a while. i also wanna see moscow - it’s been sort of an obsession of mine since reading glukhovsky’s metro series, and also it’s a beautiful city worth visiting. i’d also like to get on the trans-siberian express but that’s not a specific place dsfsgdf the last place would be the aokigahara forest in japan - also one of the places i feel drawn to for ages now. found out about it years ago and since it’s been sort of a plan of mine to visit one time. if i manage to graduate university my mum promised to send me on a trip to japan - so if it works out, ill be on my way there baby! (i just need to work on my language skills first sasdfgf)

27. What’s your pet peeve? loud breathing, loud chewing... generally people being loud and annoying. ppl not covering their mouths while coughing. ppl who walk super slowly and take up all of the walkway like FUCK OFF OF MY WAY GODDAMMIT. in games when the npc walks a lot slower than ur running, but walking a lot faster than ur walking so its impossible to keep up with them. ppl not using headphones in public spaces. old ppl demanding respect when they treat u like shit. ppl forcing their religion on u (im looking at u auntie). ppl slurping their drinks. couples almost f*cking each other in public places... just get a room smh

30. Tag someone you want to talk to but have been too shy to message. oh i don’t need to tag them cuz i already got over that shyness and they totes know already that i wanted to talk to them for a while! (i admitted to it in the tackiest, cheesiest, most awkward anon ask i ever sent in to anyone sdfgsdf)

33. If money was no object, what would your wardrobe be like? pretty much the same as now, all black and flannels and jeans, cuz i rly thing that major clothes shopping sprees r a waste of money sdfdf but i’d probably own a lot lot more shoes like custom made cat patterned vans and some more nikes and some creepers cuz i wanted to get some of those for like yrs now dfgdfg

36. Do you still have feelings for any of your exes? uhhhh... kind of? not romantic ones tho, i just miss the long talks and the trust and understanding between us. i never got the closure i needed to move on and it still left some bad feelings towards her so its a weird mix of resentment and sympathy, and i try to not think abt it too much.

39. Are you a virgin? hahahahahahahahah, no, really. 

42. Describe the hottest person you know. the hottest person i personally know is one of the ppl i used to be on my universitys e-sport team on with dfasd i always had a weak spot for ppl taller than me and hes literally model material with nice cheekbones and the perfect jawline and the best sense of humor ever. though he’s a widowmaker main in overwatch and thats a big big minus for him :(

45. What’s the worst date you’ve ever been on? lmaooooo thats a funny one listen up... so i was fresh out of breakup and wanted to make some friends.... wait for it.... ON TINDER. i live in an university town so i was like kewl imma make some ppl my age (until then all of my friends were A LOT older than me) and have some friends and if romance happens then it happens, w/e. so i set up this bar night with this one guy, i believe his name was David? so David and i meet up for drinks, i grab a gintonic and we sit down to talk... what he never knew abt me is that i am on the adhd spectrum and i have to get my hands busy with smth so i can focus on what im saying otherwise my thoughs r all over the place. so im casually keeping my hands busy with just spinning my locked phone there and back, or just  messing around with the lime slice on my glass and at a random moment David goes like “u know.... i hate when ppl cant stop messing around with their phone” and im like ????? dude im literally just spinning it, not even messaging anyone or unlocking it or shit. and he goes on this rant that he always expects ppl to pay full attention to him when talking, looking at him (i never look ppl in the eyes cuz i tend to just go into panic mode from long eye contact and also i think its creepy to just stare at someone constantly) and just not doing anything else except paying attention to him so i go on explaining to him that i need to keep myself busy and im not doing it to annoy him - but he keeps on insisting so i excuse myself to a cigarette (he also hated smokers lmao) and call the widowmaker main friend from the previous question and am like “hey man i have the worst date of my life can u be at this place in 40 minutes and then we hit the night life” and hes like fine so i go back to David and tell him “sorry mate i just remembered i have my last bus home in 30 minutes and the next one is in 1,5 hrs and i really cant stay out that late so can we wrap this up and schedule an other meeting some other time” and hes like fine... got me to the bus stop, i sat on the bus.... got off at the next bus stop, met up with widowmaker main guy and went out for drinks and decided to never go on tinder dates again sdfgsdfg

48. Describe your ideal partner. thats a hard one, hey! but i dont think i have an ideal, guess ill work with anyone whos a decent human being who wont require me to be the housemaid and cook and clean and do everything for them. oh and they totally need to know how to use a washing machine... one of my exes was incapable of this (and here i was thinking that in 2018 ppl saw a washing machine already... looks like i was wrong and im still not over that incident 2 yrs ago). oh and they gotta be fine with the idea of never having kids cuz theres no way im putting myself through raising one of those, im a man of career and money, totally not responsible enough to raise another living human being sdsdgdf

#kush speaks #ask memes #thank u for asking!!!! i had fun answering those actually #kuwentista #answered

[bylerchoseme]

Oneshot #45 :)

The eldest brother James sat cross legged in the room of requirement advising his brother on the art of love. "I know you liked Scorpius for two years now. I will help you win his heart." He chuckled, briefly. "Although, I doubt he isn't interested." A frustrated 13 year old ran fingers through his hair with a deep sigh. "Thanks for taking interest in my love life. However, there is a possibility I'll get rejected." He couldn't fathom not having the blond haired Slytherin as a boyfriend. "I am gonna hand it to you straight. You are very dense." "There is no way Scorpius would ever fall for the chosen one's son." With every excuse delayed a possible relationship between the two which wasn't helping anyone. James in utter disbelief ignored the comment. "We don't have time to waste. Let's get to it." Suddenly, it was as if the whole world froze. It's one thing to not be ready and it's a whole other thing to take action. "I hope he likes me. I really hope he likes me." Albus crossed his fingers. "You don't have to hope he likes you. Anyways, the first step is to get him alone with you." "How and where?" An entire bundle of scenarios ran through Jame's mind, some more direct then others. "Considering the fact the two of you are inseparable, it shouldn't be difficult. I was thinking.....-" He paused for a moment. "Take him to the chamber of secrets." Just a table over sat Rose Weasley, eavesdropping. She saw this as a perfect opportunity to intervene. She closed her book and walked over to them. "Are you out of your mind? How can you suggest such thing? Do you know how many school rules that's breaking?" She gave James a disapproving look. If there is a pet peeve James hated the most, it's others meddling. "Ahh it's the she devil talking. Where does this concern you?" He said with an aggravated voice. She didn't like the tone in his voice. "Excuse me, you have no right to talk to me like that." She couldn't stand her cousin sometimes. "No one asked you to be a part of the conversation. You just waltzed your way in thinking your opinion matters." James crossed his hands. "You are a bad influence. I suggest working on your attitude first before offering horrible advice." She held hands at her hips. Breaking the little argument, Albus had a few words of his own. "If I want to take Scorpius to the chamber of secrets, it's my decision. I'll face consequences if we get caught." Rose turned to Albus, "If you say so." She walked away, exiting the library. "Finally, she left. Good riddance." James shook his head. Albus thought about the previous talk. "How do I tell Scorpius I like him?" "Next step is to take each letter of his full name and provide an adjective to describe him beginning with said letter and turn it into a poem." As basic as this sounds, James felt simple fits into Scorpius's personality. For a second, Albus blushed. "That sounds beautiful. Will it work?" Moments like these made James feel important to some degree. "Do what Tom Riddle did and have the poem be on display in gold and magical writing." "What else can you tell me?" An enlightened Albus wanted all the answers. "When you ask him out, do it in a way that keeps him guessing like for example, you can play coy at first and slowly ease your way into confession." From so much experience in relationships, comes wisdom. Albus was moved. "You are very insightful. Thanks for leading me in the right direction." James smiled for the first time today. "Besides, I ship you and Scorpius together." "What?" Albus couldn't believe the words. "Nothing. Go get your man." James encouraged him. Albus stood up to leave mouthing, "thank you," to James. When the coast was clear, James smiled to himself finishing the drawing of Scorpius and Albus. While running in the halls, Albus bumped into someone. "I am so sorry. I didn't mean to.-" He looked up and saw Scorpius. "It's all good. Where have you been? I missed you" Scorpius didn't mind the bump. In fact, he was glad it happened. Biting his lip, Albus sucked in a breath. "I was with James talking about stuff." He said convincingly. Raising his eyebrows, Scorpius asked follow up questions. "Stuff, you talked to him about stuff? What kind of stuff?" "Mostly, we talked about you." Albus admitted half the truth. "What about me?" Scorpius nudged his shoulder, playfully. Albus jumped, clearly distracted. "Your eyes are grayer today." Scorpius was confused. "My eyes are grayer? What's going on?" "I'll tell you tonight. I gotta go." Albus walked past him very fast. Hours passed and shortly enough, supper arrived. However, Albus had other plans in mind. "Instead of eating dinner, tonight we are heading to the chamber of secrets." "We, as in you and I?" Scorpius reacted, amused. Albus nodded. "Just you and I." He repeated to him. "Normally I would talk you out of it but this I gotta see." Scorpius smirked. They arrived to the sink of the chamber and opened the entrance. Albus jumped in first followed by Albus. It was completed sealed shut. "Thanks for coming, Scorpius. I didn't think you had it in you." That's all he managed to say. "I had a feeling I had to and besides, we only live once." Remembering everything James said stuck with Albus. "Let's go further inside to be alone. We don't want any distractions." Albus took the lead in front. "I know exactly where to go." "I am sure you do." Scorpius ran beside him brushing their shoulders. That alone was enough to send Albus in a frenzy. "That was new. I liked it." Scorpius walked as closely as possible next to Albus. Silence remained for a while. "And we are here." Albus stated. "The place where your father fought Tom Riddle. It's also the same place where he uhhhh.-" Realizing what he was close to saying, he stopped himself. Albus studied him. "You can tell me anything, you know." "Same goes for you." Scorpius snuck up behind him to whisper in his year. "I have something I wanna give you." Albus pulled out a fancy hand written piece of paper. Scorpius wondered about the content. "What is it?" He asked curiously. Taking the biggest breath of his life wasn't easy. "I wrote you a poem. Read it." He handed the poem to Scorpius with shaky hands. Willingly, Scorpius took it flipping it to the front. "I am nervous too." He added. S- Scorpius is my superb best friend with a sweetness unlike any other and he grows sweeter then all sweets combined C- Scorpius is a cutie with a cool attitude that makes me want to cuddle him O- Scorpius is outgoing R- Scorpius is real and my reality P- Scorpius is perfect and beauty couldn't define such pure innocence I- Scorpius is intriguing to my liking and an incredible person at heart with an interesting personality U- Scorpius is undeniably the most understanding and unifying soul S- Scorpius is the surest secret known to man M- Scorpius is mostly miraculously mine A- Scorpius is amazingly addicting to my core L- Scorpius is lovely F- Scorpius is funny O- Scorpius is outstanding Y- Scorpius is a yearning so great that my heart cannot take The ending was something else. Scorpius read it a few times to make sure he read the poem right. Albus and Scorpius exchanged looks. "Albus, this is........-" Scorpius couldn't even gather his thoughts. Albus held his breath. He couldn't respond. Scorpius continued, "No. One. Ever. Wrote. Me. A. Poem. EVER." He emphasized. "D-D-did y-y-you like it?" Albus stuttered with his sentence. "Did I like it? No. I loved it." Scorpius placed the poem in his pocket. Albus was relieved but what came next couldn't have prepared him. Without stalling, Scorpius grabbed him by the face and lightly stroked his cheek as he stared deeply into his eyes. "You won't forget this moment." Before Albus knew it, he was kissed by Scorpius Malfoy. At first, Albus's eyes were open wide in shock. Slowly, he eased into the kiss and let his eyes close. Hands wrapped around his waist pulling him closer. His first instinct was wrapping his hands around Scorpius's neck. Their bodies were in perfect alignment and making physical contact. Lightly, Albus stroked Scorpius's neck with his fingers. The kiss deepened as two tongues joined together, both seeking dominance of the other. Scorpius suckled on the tip of his best friends future boyfriends tongue tenderly as if making love to the flesh. Albus gripped his shirt in response, feeling a range of hormones he had not known existed. Each taste of Albus made Scorpius weak as if he wanted to do something else altogether unaware of what it could mean. Upon feeling satisfied, Scorpius drew out his tongue to lick Albus's upper and lower lip. Neither knew how to stop the kissing session, not that either wanted it to end. Albus and Scorpius kissed each other breathlessly forgetting time was a thing. Besides, they weren't rushing anywhere. At one point, Scorpius brought Albus to the ground. He had his hands pinned as he kissed him nonstop. A first kiss is supposed to be simple yet their's is passionate. Scorpius kissed every corner of Albus's lips and everywhere in between. He was short of breath. Regaining air could wait. Albus kissed back, delicately like the touch of a feather making it special. He bit on Scorpius's lower lip. Kissing carried on for hours. By the time they finished making out, Albus and Scorpius had swollen lips. "I didn't know you'd be this addicting because if I did I would have kissed you in first year." Scorpius felt like he missed out on a lot of kisses he could have had if they started sooner. "It's better now then never. This won't be the last time. We can make it our thing." Albus wanted to time travel to the past and make it so they were kissing since eleven. Scorpius planned on keeping him. "You're mine." He kissed Albus again. "I have a question for you." Albus took out his wand to make the message appear in gold writing on the wall. "Will you be my boyfriend?" Grabbing his own wand, Scorpius wrote yes inside a heart. Albus was full of happiness. "We are official now. What happened next?" "More making out and hopefully marriage." Scorpius found his one and only. "Married or not, making out is in our future." Albus put the invisibility cloak over them. The making out resumed.

#scorbus #scorpius and albus #scorpius malfoy #albus potter

[canaryatlaw]

So today was interesting. Overall better than the rest of this week, though I probably couldn't point you to any specific factors there. I guess I just mentally felt better so things followed that. Morning was a bit of a lol, my alarm goes off at 7, I turn it off and pick up my phone, then close my eyes for a few seconds. When I open my eyes, my phone now reads 7:40. What the fuck??? Like okay, it wouldn't be the first time I've over slept an alarm, but doing it just like that was weird. Thankfully it left me just enough time to get to work mostly on time if I ubered instead of took public transit, so I did a mostly normal morning routine and then ubered to work, getting there at 9:05 so that's enough for me to call it a win, if an accidental one. So for the morning I did some of my paperwork setting up the timeline from the other day, and about mid-morning I think I popped over to see if our tech guy was in and he was, so I let him know that I still couldn't get the prison calls to play on my computer which I felt bad about because they'd already like, switched out a computer and everything to make this work haha. But he was like nah it's cool, imma call my supervisor and we'll take care of this. And a little while later they came and did something (while I sat on the chair on the other side of my desk and scrolled through Facebook on my phone) and pretty soon they had it up and working. Okay, I forget if I provided any context for this when I first mentioned them, but I don't think I did so I'll give some here. To my understanding, we have recordings of prison phone calls from a man and the mother of his daughter, who is in DCFS custody. I'm not totally sure here, but I think he might've been in prison for some sort of child abuse (I don't think it was sexual, probably aggravated battery to a child). But basically they want to argue in court that mom is gonna get back together with dad when he gets out which would put their daughter in danger and they shouldn't regain custody, so the attorney wanted me to go through the phone calls between the two of them to see if there was any talk about getting back together or anything about their daughter specifically, them trying to get her back. So I set off with 530 audio recordings, most of them listed under "time limit exceeded" for reason of termination, which means they were 30 minutes long. WOAHBOY. So the first few I listened to were in the early days of his prison sentence and they had lots of good stuff for me to write down, but they started getting more monotonous so I like, checked my email and did some other random shit while still listening (I didn't read any fic, because I knew if I did that I probably wouldn't N able to focus on the calls). Soon enough I switch over to the more recent calls (so switch from August 2016 to March 2017) and suddenly there's a much different tone. The first one had them arguing over the fact that he said he'd call her right at 8:45 and he called her at 8:46, which I was laughing at pretty hard. Fun little prison break reference here, but the prison is called "Big Muddy River Correctional Center" located in Illinois, which of course isn't too far off from "Fox River Correctional Center (or facility?)" also fictionally in Illinois. So that made me smirk a little. So I kept listening, and then they decided to have phone sex, and I was very thankful for the fast forward button because having to listen to that I'm pretty sure is a violation of my 8th amendment constitutional right against cruel and unusual punishment. Lol. But for the most of the afternoon I just let the conversations play (I had headphones in so they weren't being broadcasted to the whole office) and noted when they said something relevant. For the record, they didn't need to talk about getting back together because OH, THEY'RE TOGETHER, and there was plenty of mentions of "getting their daughter back" (smh). So then I was just left to marvel at the strange range of tasks my job has me carrying out, lol. But anyway. My physical therapy options were pretty limited this week since I could only come after work and my normal guy is in Europe, and despite being there yesterday the only other appointment I could get this week was for tonight at 6, and of course I get off of work at 5. I figured if I ubered though I could probably make it with enough time to run to my apartment and get changed from my suit into physical therapy appropriate clothing, lol, however, my uber driver didn't take the best route and we got caught in traffic and I didn't end up getting to PT until 6:20 and I was such not a happy camper because if you pay attention on here at all, you know being late is my biggest pet peeve possible. It was okay though, it was just a little shorter of a session. Not a big deal. Now we just know 6 pm appointments are a no-go, lol. The girl I worked with was fine, I like my regular guy so I was kind of meh about working with other people but she was nice enough and she did a pretty good job, so that's good. When I finished there I walked back home and ate some dinner- I forget if I ever discussed my weird eating issue I've developed lately on here so I'm just gonna talk about it now. For weeks now, no matter what my big weekend meal I use for leftovers throughout the week is, when it comes to eating those leftovers it feels like I have to shove the food into my mouth. And then I get stuck in the whole quandary of "oh well I should eat it anyway because it's healthy" ("healthy") and no, don't force yourself to eat something you don't want to, but obviously a ton of meals I make have been going to waste because of this and I have no idea what to do about it. This week I was gonna try to really test it because I did my creamy Parmesan chicken pasta (I definitely mentioned that on here recently, but I don't remember the rest of the context) which is like phenomenal and I'd see if I had an issue with that, and yupp, when it came down to eating the chicken it felt like shoving concrete in my mouth. This is a totally new and out of nowhere development?? Like this has never been an issue before. And it's not just chicken, because I've tried other meats and it's the same thing (I can have like, two slices of turkey on a mini sandwich, but that's really nothing). And I just don't know what to do about this because I feel like I started the whole weekend meal thing because I wanted to make sure I was getting enough protein in my diet, because I wasn't really eating meat unless I was intentional about it. But I mean, I have been making eggs very often since getting my rapid egg cooker off amazon (seriously, I'm in love with this thing, it does them perfectly every time) and I also eat yogurt very frequently which are both good sources of protein so maybe not? Idk why but I have this idea in my head that protein = healthy which is true in some instances but not when my mind wants to apply it to like, a McDonald's hamburger because that's what it tries to do. I did just remember though when I was reading the info about acid reflux on my new doctors website he had one of the trigger food listed as "high protein foods" which I thought was weird that that would cause a reaction, and I hadn't noticed one.....but maybe now I have? It's obviously a different reaction but hey, if the latest theories are true my acid reflux has been fucking up pretty much all my systems with random ass symptoms like furious coughing, not being able to breathe while running, and of course not being able to eat anything that hits the mild salsa level of spice (that's not an exaggeration, that's legit how I describe it sometimes or people just don't understand when I say I can't have just "spicy" foods, like it's much worse than that) so who fucking knows if this is a result of it too. It just makes me anxious about my other eating issues that I purposely have never talked about openly on this blog for a lot of personal reasons that I just don't want to be out there for the whole world to see quite yet. It's just....concerning. Sigh. I need to move on. I ate dinner and listened to the flash podcast for a little bit because I was very into the episode, before turning on Riverdale about 20 minutes into it (thanks TiVo). I vaguely remembered it was the season finale so it should get some good drama. And there was some good drama, for sure. But damn, I gotta say, I feel so damn sorry for Cheryl Blossom. I mean the girl just lost literally half of her family and found out her entire family's business was a criminal sham. Like I feel like having her go out into the frozen lake was maybe one of the only times I've seen in tv where a character resorting to attempting suicide in reaction to an event actually felt genuine and not contrived. But goddammit Archie, just let someone else help you punch through the ice ffs because there was a LOT of blood in that last shot before the ice broke and boy you probably hurt yourself real bad there. As far as the other plot stuff, I was irritated of course by the inaccurate portrayal of the child welfare system getting involved in Jughead's life. First of all, he's in a safe fictive kin placement right now, even if it's unofficial fictive kin don't have to be licensed. Fred Andrews having a single DUI on his record would not disqualify him from fostering children. He also cited money, but now that the state is involved he would get a stipend for Jughead that would take care of the money issue. Second of all, they don't take kids into care when they have another perfectly capable parent who's just in another state and "overextended." What is that word even supposed to mean? To me it feels like it could only really boil down to finances, and there are legit laws in every state saying you can't take a kid into care just because his family his poor. They even have these cool things called Norman funds to assist families in those positions. So in conclusion, if this were real life, Jughead would either stay with Archie or go to live with his mom and jellybean (which is the cutest nickname ever). I don't know why I still care though, because it's not like there is ever an accurate depiction of the child welfare system on tv or other sorts of media. And that's an issue because it perpetuates ideas like "don't call CPS, they'll just make it worse" which is how kids end up staying in abusive homes and KIDS END UP DEAD. So this is an actual problem, believe me. Sigh. The one other note of feedback I will give is I do like Archie and Veronica together. When I finished that I turned on Blindspot, which I knew was the penultimate episode so there was gonna be some big firefight with a hidden twist at the end, and of course that was exactly what happened, lol. It was a pretty good one though, and I'm looking forward to seeing what they do to wrap it up next week. And I'm glad they got another season to work with. And that was more or less it for my day, and it is late and I don't want to be dead exhausted tomorrow- oh that's right, today was the first day in like, 5 work days that I didn't fall asleep at work!!! So that's progress!!! But uh yeah, I need to sleep now. Goodnight loves. Happy Friday.

#daily journal #May 2017

[todokori-kun]

(aww don’t worry, that’s totally fine!

 And oh no, I’m so sorry you had a hard time ;-; I babysit a LOT (I do it basically every day since I don’t have any studying to do right now…I go out to take a walk with my little sister and all her friends flock to me like “EVANS we’re playing tag and you gotta be it, please?” like how can you resist those eyes omg. Maybe I’m just too soft?) so I know what it’s like…

tbh my little sister is an ok kid- she’s nicer than a lot of kids I know (probably because my mom is super strict when it comes to manners and being kind/polite to others) and is super adorable at times. But, like everyone else, she has her bratty moments XD She has a bad habit of sulking sometimes over little things and then she just starts whining in a way that completely drains anyone who has to listen to her. She also refuses to compromise when she’s sulking so. Yeah. Really frustrating LOL

(is chewing with your mouth open rude in Croatia too? This might sound gross to you then but it’s totally fine in Korea so most people do it that way lol)

Anyway,I hope you’re ok now Queen *hugs*)

Yeah, I might.

My parents actually bought the books for me because they were interested in reading the series too, but idk.

I recently realized that FMA has a lot of Rising Sun Flag designs in it, and that’s considered offensive over here (probably in China too) because it’s associated with Japanese Imperialism (which was pretty ugly). Not sure why it was used in FMA because FMA seems to be all against war and violence, but I guess the artist, like most Japanese people, just doesn’t know what the Rising Sun Flag is associated with in other countries…

I talked about my mom with it and she’s fine with me reading FMA as long as I know what I’m doing, but I don’t think she’ll really want to read it herself anymore.

Ok that looks horrible for my feelings. I love it. I’ll have to find a way to watch that over here! :D

I think one of the problems is that sometimes writers are so desperate to make ‘strong’, ‘likable’ characters that they overdo it…

Yep, Killua is the cutie with the fluffy white hair! :) He’s not my favorite out of the main four (that’s either Gon or Leorio), but he’s pretty good. Killua is the youngest, most talented Zoldyck kid who’s probably going to be chosen as the heir once his parents die, but he doesn’t want to. The thing that makes Killua different from Illumi and his other siblings is that he hates his training and really doesn’t want to grow up to be an assassin, and that’s why he ran away from home at the start of the series.

(then of course his mother sent Illumi to pick him up, and Illumi’s all like “Why did you run away from home?“ then it’s basically

Kilua: “Because I didn’t want to stay and I have other stuff I want to do. Like, hopes and dreams, things I want to achieve in life, you know?”

Illumi: …

Illumi “lol what hopes and dreams you’re a murderer Killua. A bloodthirsty killer just like the rest of us. no rainbows and unicorns for you”

Killua: “That’s not true! I have friends now, friends who I actually enjoy spending time with! People who are NICE to me!”

Illumi: “*sigh* this is why we can’t have nice things, dearest brother…these ‘friends’ are the reason you won’t come back home, right? So if I just go and kill them, problem solved! :)”)

…that sounds really accurate.

(also wow are we actually making Kimblee/Evans headcanons. WHEN did this become a thing.)

the smol pokemon (I think it’s called Meowth? Also from what I remember it’s evil) would probably be Envy or Pride lol

Moblit has been put out of his suffering by Isayama though ;-;

Yep, Idk what would happen to the fandom if Armin actually kicked the bucket (gotta stop talking about that we might jinx it 0.0).

Naomi would really disown him then LOL

Ah, tysm queen <333 I do try to keep a color palette in in mind but it’s hard to stick to just one so I just look for pics with similar tones or colors that go well together (like the Tatsuo aesthetic is a bit all over the place but because they’re mostly 'cooler’ shades I don’t think it looks that bad? XD).

(the wine gave it away, right? lol)

Were the aesthetics still ok-ish, though? ;-;

IT’S AMAZING I’M SCREAMING TOO. FINALLY MORE LOKI. AND HELA. SHE LOOKS AMAZING (I love Cate Blanchett). ALSO HULK CAN APPARENTLY TALK NOW? That’s actually pretty cute…

(but more Thor with short hair, I mean the hairstyle does look good on him but I can’t stop seeing Chris Hemsworth instead of Thor ok. He feels like a different character now lol) 

((I’m watching Iron Man 2 rn. Tony: It’s not about us, it’s about Legacy.

Legacy, what is a legacy? It’s planting seeds in a garden you never get to see.))

Aw, you’re so lucky with your sister! I’m the younger sis in my family, and I know I was a little shit, but I’m not anymore :))) I feel sorry for my big sis…

I can imagine Evans playing with little kids at the local heart… my heart is melting T^T Ahaha, everyone whines from time to time. Well, I guess it can be annoying if the person does it too much… 

Well, it’s considered rude, but an embarrassingly big number of people do it. I’ve always been raised not to do it, so it’s become one of my biggest pet peeves.  Oh dear… If I ever visit Korea, that’s gonna be a fun experience XD 

I’m fine now, since he’s gone back to Zagreb, I’m gonna see him again in September. Plenty of time to recover XD

Oh wow! That’s pretty interesting. My parents know my hobby, but they stay far away from it… They did watch Spririted Away with me, though, so it’s something…

I didn’t know that… I mean, I knew about the rising flag thing, but I didn’t really notice the amount of it in the manga… I usually don’t pay attention to those things, though I think I read somewhere that, in the original manga, the original Greed was crucified. I’m not sure if it was changed for the translation or before the publication. In the anime and in the manga I’ve read, he was tied around that huge stone. 

How much did she read? Is she upset by the rising sun? Well, it’s still nice that she tried to read it ^^

Is kissanime banned in Korea? Or do you just want to watch the series legally? Cause it’s definitely easier to watch it there. You’ll love Re:Zero, I wasn’t kidding when I said it’s an infinite loop of suffering. That’s the actual description oft the anime.

All this talk about HxH is making me wanna watch it, but it has more than 140 episodes and I’m really not the person for long anime (which is rich, considering I’ve watched all Fairy Tail episodes, and there’ like 277 of those. First and last time I watched something like that). I feel so sorry for Killua ;-; He seems like a cinnamon roll and cinnamon rolls never deserve treatment like that… Why can’t he be happy??

WHY IS ILLUMI SO MEAN TO HIS LITTLE BRO??? I MEAN, I GOT YOUR OTHER MESSAGE AND EVERYTHING IS EXPLAINED, BUT STILL

Tbh, it kinda makes sense to me for Illumi to be the most messed up one, since he’s the oldest and has been under their influence for the longest, not to mention parents tend to be hardest on their oldest kids, but still. Damn. Also, torturing anyone, let alone a 12yo is just. That show is seriously messed up.

It’s always fun making peoplexchatacter headcanons! I always enjoy writing them, especially if they make people happy (and aren’t necessarily matchups), and it’s even more fun for you, because you’re a cinnamon roll (90% of the time)  and it’s so much fun writing about cinnamon rolls~ 

Ah, I see! Still, Chibi envy and pride sound quite! They’d probably cause so much problems for the two of you, but it would be awesome to see. 

Right. I just remembered Moblit and the recent characters. Welp.  I found a sentence on his wiki that describes me perfectly during the school year: “Much of the time, this left him in a state of near-panic(…)” Sounds like me.

Maybe we can try to double jinx it? Armin is definitely gonna die in the next chapter! (If he does, I’m smashing something XD)

Yep, it’s not bad ^^ But it’s always a tiny bit better if the colors are as similar as possible. The Olivier one was probably the best one yet, since it mostly sticks with blue-grey! So you’re improving quickly ^^ All of them are good, though! So don’t beat yourself up over it ^^ They’re your aesthetics and you’re free to make them however you want ^^

YEEEE I AM SO EXCITED!!! Omg, but I need to tell you about my dream that I had the night after watching the trailer. So my family is having some kind of Christmas gathering and I come downstairs to greet everyone and boom! There, on the couch, sitting next to my sister and explaining the process of making a movie, is Tom Hiddleston. Apparently, he was my really distant cousin?? Which made me really confused?? And I wanted to ask him a few questions about Ragnarok, but I was too damn shy, even though my sister had right about 0 problems talking to him,  and I was quite jealous actually =3=  According to my dream, they had to climb up some mountain by themselves to film it.  It was McFreaking weird.

But still TT^TT HIS FABULOUS HAIR!! I’ll never get over it….

Iron Man 2 is on! Well, I’m not watching it anymore XD I’m not gonna see the last 30 mins, cause i’m switching the channel, since Sherlock (the TV show) begins shortly. I’ll probably watch the rest of Iron Man some other day ^^

Ah, also, I'm afraid I won't be able to answer for a week... unfortunately, I won't have access to a laptop, so =3= i could probably answer asks though ^^

#evans #submission