#I have still a lot to research into but I think I'm on the good road

[letteredlettered]

arranged20??

This answer is also for @nanavn, who asked about the same thing!

This is a fic I really, really hope to finish writing. I wrote 44,293 already. I love it and I'm proud of it. But it's an MDZS/CQL fic, and my head is living in TGCF right now, and I also want to make time for original fic, so who knows when I will get to it?

This fic is wangxian. That's the only pairing, though I guess background LXC/NMJ.

In ancient China, marriage between men was a thing, the way it was in many ancient cultures, but I didn't really do a lot of research on that for the fic. One central premise of the fic, though, is that marriage between men is not unheard of and can be used for political alliances. Homophobia still exists in this world, because I actually think it's rather important to some of the premises of this book.

The fic is an AU after WWX dies at the burial mounds. Another basic premise is that JGS begins to realize JGY is a threat, so he watches closely and doesn't die in an orgy. In order to keep JGY in check, JGS recognizes Mo Xuanyu as Jin Xuanyu. Meanwhile, JGS is more careful about consolidation of power--for instance, JGY has not dared sabotage NMJ. Instead, the Jin Sect has slowly expanded such that the other sects can feel the heat, and everyone is waiting for things to boil over.

This is an arranged marriage fic. At the start of the fic, Jin Sect finally makes a move that will undermine and discredit the Lan Sect. Lan Xichen knows what JGS is looking for--to either chip away at Lan influence or gain Lan fealty. LXC feels that the only way to secure their position is to marry into the Jin Sect. LWJ refuses to let his brother throw himself away on a loveless marriage, because the man LXC loves is alive and also threatened (even without his qi being sabotaged, NMJ's qi is still unstable). Believing that WWX won't return, LWJ demands that he go through with the marriage himself, and because LWJ is super stubborn and LXC isn't great at standing up to him, LXC acquiesces.

The marriage is of course to Jin Xuanyu. LWJ doesn't really know Jin Xuanyu except for having met a few times in passing. On the day of their wedding, Jin Xuanyu excuses himself from the wedding feast, claiming to be ill.

Here is an excerpt, taking place when LWJ checks on Jin Xuanyu after the wedding banquet!

Lan Wangji nodded and entered the residence, where a strange odor assaulted his senses and Jin Xuanyu stood in the middle of the room, holding a thick sheaf of papers and a shocked expression. “Lan Zhan!” he exclaimed.

Lan Wangji looked at Jin Xuanyu’s arm, which was now behind Jin Xuanyu’s back, hiding the sheaf of papers. Deciding to prioritize, Lan Wangji didn’t ask about it. Jin Xuanyu was extremely pale. “Are you all right?”

“Me?” Jin Xuanyu said blankly. “Oh, I’m quite . . . oh, terrible.” He began to cough. “I’m terrible, Hanguang-jun.”

“I brought you food,” Lan Wangji said, moving farther into the room. The scent in the air was familiar, but Lan Wangji could not place it.

Jin Xuanyu had not moved. “Hanguang-jun,” he said. Then he said it again. “Hanguang-jun.”

Lan Wangji put the tray on the table and stood.

“I . . .” Jin Xuanyu seemed quite at a loss. Then he said, in a quiet voice, “Are we really married?”

Lan Wangji stared, at a loss as well.

“It’s just . . .” Jin Xuanyu made a helpless gesture with his hand.

Lan Wangji, speaking very carefully, said, “You were at the ceremony.”

Jin Xuanyu grimaced. “Right . . .” He made another face. “It’s just so . . .”

Jin Xuanyu stood there for so long, unspeaking, that Lan Wangji finally stepped toward him.

“Never mind, Hanguang-jun!” Speeding over to the table, keeping the papers behind his back, Jin Xuanyu looked down at the tray. “Is it from the wedding banquet?” he said quickly. “Is it something good?”

Lan Wangji eyed him warily, remembering the Jin plots he had considered earlier. “Plain soup.”

Jin Xuanyu’s face fell. “Really?”

“You were unwell,” Lan Wangji reminded him.

“Oh. Right.” Jin Xuanyu coughed a few times.

In spite of his pallor, the way Jin Xuanyu was coughing did not appear genuine, and he seemed otherwise well. Even if he was sick, his current condition did not seem poor enough to warrant desertion of his own wedding banquet, and no illness Lan Wangji could imagine would cause a person to post a guard outside the door.

Keeping the papers out of sight behind him, Jin Xuanyu leaned down, uncovering the bowl on the tray and taking a whiff. “Unf. It really is plain. There at least should be good food, considering what I’ve been through.”

Jin Xuanyu did not seem inclined to share what he had ‘been through,’ but the papers were obviously connected. “Shall I fetch something else?” Lan Wangji asked, keeping his tone polite.

Wincing, Jin Xuanyu straightened, then forced an uncomfortable little laugh. “No, Hanguang-jun, that’s . . . it’s fine.”

Unable to wait any longer for a reasonable explanation, Lan Wangji finally asked, “What are the papers?”

“Hm?”

Lan Wangji did not repeat himself. He thought that Jin Xuanyu had heard him very well.

“Oh.” Jin Xuanyu chuckled. “I suppose you mean these,” he said, whipping out the sheaf of paper from behind his back. “Well, let me tell you,” Jin Xuanyu went on, glancing at the papers himself. “These papers are . . . they’re . . . a diary,” he said suddenly. “Very private, Hanguang-jun. I’m going to burn them.”

The paper visible to Lan Wangji was covered in writing too small to read. Lan Wangji looked back to Jin Xuanyu. “I would not read your private writings.”

“I’m sure you wouldn’t, Hanguang-jun,” Jin Xuanyu said, setting the sheaf of papers on the floor, then sitting down on it, before the soup. “You’ve always been so honorable. One can never be too careful, though. Prying eyes, you know.” Picking up the bowl, Jin Xuanyu began to eat, as though nothing in his behavior could be deemed at all suspicious or unusual.

Lan Wangji looked down at him, trying to decide what to do. That Jin Xuanyu was hiding things from him was obvious, and yet, Lan Wangji had rarely witnessed a guilty person seem so unconcerned with being caught. If Jin Xuanyu had in fact planned with other Jin Sect members to annihilate the Lan Clan from within, or if some other nefarious scheme were in play, surely a more subtle subterfuge would have been employed.

No, this behavior seemed a result of Jin Xuanyu’s own eccentricities, of which Lan Wangji was rapidly becoming aware that there were many. When Jin Xuanyu had first joined the Jin Clan at Golden Carp Tower, Lan Wangji had heard that the man was odd, but almost all the rumors had seemed to center around Jin Xuanyu’s sexual preferences, as far as Lan Wangji had been able to tell.

Perhaps he should have conducted more research into the nature of Jin Xuanyu’s character, not in the least because Jin Xuanyu was now slurping his soup in a most aggravating manner. He had handled himself with adequate decorum at the tea ceremony that afternoon. Perhaps within the privacy of the Jingshi, with his new husband, Jin Xuanyu felt it permissible to forgo etiquette.

“If you would like a private place for the papers,” Lan Wangji said, “I can provide a case and show you how to construct a locking talisman.”

“Ah, are we still talking about that?” Jin Xuanyu said, not looking up at him. “I told you, I’m burning them.”

Lan Wangji watched his husband eat for another moment or two. He really should sit with him, but to do so felt like a concession that Jin Xuanyu’s meal was normal and nothing at all strange was happening, when the fact was that Jin Xuanyu had been doing something in this room, something with the papers that he did not want Lan Wangji to know about. Perhaps it really was as innocent as updating his supposed ‘diary,’ but Lan Wangji doubted this.

The smell alone was cause for concern. When Lan Wangji focused on it, memories of the Sunshot Campaign surfaced—battlefields. Death. Corpses. But the room didn’t smell like death or rotting flesh. The odor was faintly metallic.

Lan Wangji spotted the smudge on the floor at the same time as he identified the scent.

Blood.

Walking a few steps, Lan Wangji bent down to inspect the floorboards he had only recently repaired. The stain was fresh, smudged as though hastily wiped away. The rest of the floor was clean, but such a small amount of blood would never cause the scent to be so noticeable. Straightening, Lan Wangji looked back at Jin Xuanyu, who was looking back at him, eyes wide as he lowered the bowl from his mouth.

“Were you cut?” Lan Wangji asked.

“No?” Jin Xuanyu did not sound certain about this.

“There is blood.”

“Ah, how strange.” Jin Xuanyu remained where he was.

“I smell it.”

“Ah, Hanguang-jun, so impressive, able to scent blood. You know, I would not share this fact,” Jin Xuanyu said brightly, wagging a finger at him. “They say that certain monsters are able to scent blood; it’s a nefarious talent.”

“Jin Xuanyu.”

“What? Oh. Yes?”

Lan Wangji looked at the floor, then back up at Jin Xuanyu. He was still pale, Lan Wangji saw. Blood loss.

“Well, what makes you think it’s mine, Hanguang-jun?” Jin Xuanyu asked, sounding petulant. “It could be anyone’s blood! You should keep your place cleaner. And more secure! Anyone could just come in here and bleed.”

Lan Wangji walked back to the table, took Jin Xuanyu by the arm, then pulled up. Jin Xuanyu squawked a loud protest, but Lan Wangji was stronger, forcing Jin Xuanyu from where he sat to reveal the papers that had been under him. Lan Wangji reached for them, and they abruptly caught fire.

Whirling, Lan Wangji turned back to look at Jin Xuanyu, who was lowering his hand, having just made a hand seal for fire—not a very effective one, Lan Wangji saw, turning back to the flames. The fire was feeble, already petering out. Lan Wangji waved his hand, expending very little spiritual power to extinguish it, but Jin Xuanyu was already rushing back, gathering the burnt papers to his chest. “I told you!” he exclaimed. “They’re my diary! You wouldn’t read another man’s diary, would you, Hanguang-jun? I thought you were honorable!”

“Tell me,” said Lan Wangji, through gritted teeth, “what is going on.”

“I’m . . .” Jin Xuanyu’s shoulders slumped. “Well, if you must know . . .”

Lan Wangji, waiting, abruptly realized he was furious. He had not had the time to process everything that had happened so far, all the ways that Jin Xuanyu was lying to him, setting actual fires in the Jingshi, cutting himself, hiding it—and they were married. Lan Wangji had married this man this morning, and Lan Wangji could not fully comprehend it. He could not recall feeling so blindly angry since he’d been a teenager; the mixture of hurt and absolute confusion felt exactly the same.

It felt exactly the same, and Lan Wangji suddenly, powerfully wished that Wei Ying was here, if only for Wei Ying to hurt him and confuse him that way again. At least that was a pain that Lan Wangji understood, and it had come from someone he loved. That this stranger could hold such power over Lan Wangji was only a result of the fact that they were married, and Lan Wangji had had his hopes, and now they were meant to live together, side by side, when Jin Xuanyu obviously had so little respect for him. It felt intolerable. It felt unfair.

Lan Wangji took a deep breath, then let it go.

“I was trying to cast a spell,” said Jin Xuanyu.

“With blood,” said Lan Wangji.

“Well, you see . . . it wasn’t exactly a polite spell.”

Lan Wangji put out his hand.

Jin Xuanyu looked down at it.

“The papers,” said Lan Wangji.

“No!” Jin Xuanyu clutched them closer. “These are my . . . notes. On how to do the spell, but it didn’t work. I’m . . . such a poor cultivator, you see.” Jin Xuanyu lit up suddenly. “That’s why I was casting the spell! It’s this body. It’s weak! And . . . small. The—my golden core is just . . . nothing to speak of. I could also be far better looking, don’t you agree?”

Lan Wangji did not know what he was talking about.

#wangxian #my fics #wips

[celestie0]

when ppl get too caught up in the accuracy of situations in fanfiction or if things are super realistic or as they should/would be in real life etc etc im like. my tumblr user in christ. it's fanfiction.

#ff writers don't get paid to put hollywood level research into their stories lol #also keep in mind ff writers don't have professional editors either #ALSO i've read a lot of published books and watched massive scale high budget production tv shows/movies that have put way less #effort into researching n making sure things are cohesive n legit compared to some fanfics i've read #js thinking ab a m00tie who had an anon come for her for something like this n i'm still pissed ab it #just enjoy the fic you're getting to read for free #like obv i think realism makes for a great story and is part of what good writing entails #but?? it's ok to bend the rules in some places?? it's a STORY #that's like getting pissed at a fantasy book for having dragons cuz they don't exist irl #just say u have a bad imagination n go #the author's pen is the will of the world in the story perioddd #either accept them or dont. but don't make fun of or criticize authors if you're not fuckin w it when ur just sittin behind a keyboard #also sometimes i just wanna read stories that don't remind me of the harsh truths of reality lmfao like get outtaaa heeerreee #just writer things

[finiel]

ms paint gideon to test my new laptop's palm sensitivity + stylus functionality (poor and acceptable respectively, if you wondered)

#tlt #the locked tomb #gtn #gideon the ninth #gideon nav #tlt art #anyway. as you can see by the time i got to her shirt i gave up entirely on filling things in properly #i don't think she'd mind though #i got this laptop for school - which i start the day after tomorrow - and i've never like. used a laptop for note taking #i'm trying to test all possibilities before school starts but costco's return policy is decent so i'm not too worried #the thing is. i think i like the laptop itself quite a bit. #but i'm like what if i don't end up using it for school that much... i got it with scholarshare or whatever #hm no i probably will need it a lot #even if i don't use it for notes taken in class it'll still be needed for research and homework and stuff #so yes i think it was a good investment #it's the hp envy if anyone wondered lol #it gets a bit warmer than i'm used to and the fans are louder than i'm used to as well #but as long as it runs well i guess that's not really an issue? i hope not anyway #i have yet to look into whether that's a problem with these laptops #if anyone has pointers let me know haha #oh yeah also i did this with my blue light filter on so hopefully the colors aren't too miserable but if they are. i apologize #i mean it's all reds so there's not much to mess up but just in case #finieldraws

[arcaneyouth]

being a singlet who is very supportive of systems and has been for a long time makes some experiences really wild because like. ok so i experienced semi good rep of DID when i was very young. i read a brand new story by one of my favorite authors about a character with DID. the story started with the author saying it was likely not perfect representation and it's very important to listen to people with DID and not let his story overtake theirs. i had asked my mom about it and she said this was a real thing people experienced, but it probably wasn't super accurate in the story because the guy writing it didn't have DID. this was my first experience with DID. my takeaway from it was "oh that's neat! sometimes one person is actually lots of people and that's normal!" and then i moved on.

so like. genuinely growing up and realizing the world is super weird about people with DID was like a brick in the face ALIUSDHALSIUDh what do you mean. what do you mean you think these people are weird. i thought we all agreed they were normal. and i STILL experience that even now knowing more than i did before, i may have only had 1 experience with DID as a kid but that was enough to completely normalize it for me, i don't know how you can't just be normal about systems they are literally just sitting there we all know this (<- we apparently don't all know this)

#something to be said about how even flawed attempts at representation can do good #i don't think the story ever got finished but the one short snippet i had that was done in a respectful light #that was all it took for me. that was it #looking back on it it really wasn't an accurate depiction of DID. not at all. but it was kind #and my mom (who as far as i know doesn't have any kind of personal experience with DID) also told me to be kind #and both of them told me systems were very normal and we should listen and be kind to them #and it was enough that the thought of being unkind was so fucking foreign to teenage me actually learning more about DID and meeting people #who have DID that i was surprised by it #to any systems reading this i know i'm not the only person who was taught to be kind to you #there's space out there for you and people who very earnestly try even if they get it wrong sometimes #people like this author who clearly did the best research he could at the time #and people like my mom who didn't really know a lot but still thought it was important to introduce me to it so i knew to be kind #peace and love and all that

[unsettlingcreature]

Slowly reconfiguring my altar space but I'm gently adding Halloween decorations as September passes and October approaches, I'm personally obsessed with the little ghost lights. Anyway I don't have a dedicated sideblog for this stuff anymore so I'm just slapping it on main :)

#witchblr #taking a break was so good for me because now im getting back into the flow of it? im realising how my beliefs and shit have shifted #still going to gently worm my back into witchcraft like. im not gonna do any blots or anything for a good while #and figure out ONCE MORE what actually works with my practice #like do i WANT divination to be part of my craft? or do i just feel like i have to #like when was the last time i touched my tarot or my runes or my oracle deck or my pendulum? even before my break? #and when it comes to deitywork. is that something i can commit to? has my time with Loki come to a close? lots of questions to ask. #and also do i really want to keep a grimoire/bos? because im too much of a perfectionist for it #and the stuff i do regularly are in my head. if I'm doing something different then I'm going to use other books as research points #idk theres a lot to think about. maybe I'll just ponder the wizard and stop sweating the details lmao #you'd think i had this shit figured out after over a decade but fuckin nooooppppeeeee #anyway witchcraft is always a journey and there's always more to learn and experience #its easy to say that shit but harder to accept it #ALSO LOKI LIVES IN MY BEDROOM I AINT EVER GONNA HIDE HIM AWAY #i cherish all the time spent with a deity and appreciate them for being there during that part of my life #just like with hecate before its ok if my time with loki is over. it is what it is. its not sad its something to look fondly on

[silly-mode-cilia]

hi I like yelling silly little life updates into the silly little void so here we go

I'm leaving for my internship thing on Monday (slay) and my last three weeks have consisted of 1. Finals (best semester since i started college thank u curves and nice teachers for boosting me), 2. Socializing, 3. Medical appointments (my eyes have gotten worse but I'm good otherwise) and 4. Prepping for my trip

And. This past week. I have had a cold, of all things, which is not good timing because I'm trying to finalize and get stuff done and was not understanding why I couldn't focus AND I was on my period but now it's a bit better I have entered the "expelling fluids" phase where I feel fine but the symptoms persist. Chilling.

So trip prep has included setting up my new laptop because the other broke during finals week, the keyboard started malfunctioning and the repair date was past when I would leave so new laptop ended up being the only option (which is nice) but I have to manually set up all my bookmarks still because I forgot my Firefox sync password and that will take a couple hours probably (last I went through and organized them it took a whole day)

And then excessive amounts of laundry that are still not done, realizing I lack more than 1 field work outfit and having to go to REI too many times to finish the pack list. Although a closet clean out was done and I'm satisfied with where the personal style development is headed I like my clothes.

But that's done so now I just have to. Pack.

And then my travel request for a conference got approved (!!) When it was expected to take until like, July so now I'm trying to finalize and coordinate stuff earlier than expected! But that is welcome that is good.

And I also got accepted to Job B which doesn't actually pay but is very few hours so I'm doing the tutoring and the mentoring both and hopefully not going insane! Might drip volunteering if I need to which reminds me I need to email them! okay!

#mems yells #this is very mundane stuff I have had going on but I have done a lot of things I've thought about doing lately #so that is good #this is not written to be engaging it is nearly 2 am #if nothing else I have managed to avoid excessive nose/lip dryness from the cold this time around it really wasn't that bad #which is why it took me a while to even realize #I'm just bummed I don't think I'll be able to try the rangefinder that finally came in for my fall research before I leave #because I am tired and have many things to do still #“Pack” “laundry” yes and those combined are like an all day thing #two whole months and I need some character for my dorm room thank you #and conference attire and birthday vibe fits #I am trying to go out on the weekends!! I might not decide to but I need to look hot when I do <3 #and I habitually change several times a day sometimes #if I'm not vibing with the fit my mood is off #And I'm not having that this summer #The objectives are: career/academic development / new friends / make out with at least one person / be hit on / eat good food / go dancing #I will be outside for the internship and I am looking to develop some muscles and some sun exposure and a short-lived social network #I have set up the rest of my year in the last couple weeks mentally shaking my own hand

[caricature-of-a-witch]

I'm supposed to be on semester summer break but I am still suffering from academia and failing to write essays can I please just stoppp

#Ash's ramblings #I am so tired of this #I am. so bad at essays. I'm bad at focussing I'm bad at research I'm bad of connecting the research into a coherent argument #this thing is due on the 10th and I've still not even been able to decide what I even want to focus on I can't make sense of anything #I shouldn't be on tumblr I should be working on this but every time I try it just results in staring blankly at the wall after 5 minutes #and trying not to cry bc clearly. Clearly I Am Just Too Stupid For Academia Why Am I Even Trying I should Just Give Up #'oh you said that with all the past essays as well so far and you always got good grades!' yeah but this isn't all the past essays #this is a new essay with a completely new and different task and I do not know what to do #in fact. I barely know what I was doing in past essays either. couldn't explain my last syntax essay to you for the life of me #did I get a good grade? yes! Did I actually understand what I was saying? barely! do I want to just give up? yes!! #but then what else to do with my life I have no skills no talents nothing #... #time to stop spiralling on tumblr and get back to the source of that huh #ignore me I know I'm doing this a lot lately just. ignore me idk how to help me either I'm still stuck in the late teens/early 20s panic #and unlikely to ever escape it lol bc I think by now I'm supposed to have found sth I'm good at but here we are lol #anyway! anyway. #tbd

[disdaidal]

I reinstalled Windows on my laptop and it feels good to start anew.

Just so I can again fill it up with unnecessary junk again and then cry myself to sleep every night lol.

I also removed lots of bloatware and I actually have a sufficient amount of space on my OS (C: drive), which is fucking great because I now can finally play the Sims 4 again. 😭

#personal #the last time i did this was over a year ago #this time it took me three days and lots of usb drives and a couple of online storage websites because fucking hell #when do i ever learn #never i guess #but the last time i did this i still only had like 45gb on my os (out of 120gb) because of all that bloatware #that came pre-installed on my laptop #and i didn't research enough so i didn't know what was safe to uninstall #so now i did and holy moley i have 72gb now. instead of 40-something #plus the additional 1tb ofc #i'm still thinking about updating my ram sometime though #i only have 8gb which is not sufficient for running ps #i found some fairly cheap chips online and some good installing tutorial on yt so i should be able to do it myself #(and thus save money which is important) #i just need to find one that matches with my laptop lmao #anyway #i'm really trying not to install anything unnecessary this time #and maybe i'll actually fucking go through those drives of mine and delete the junk #(not likely ever to happen but here's to hoping)

[astrxealis]

hozier yoo

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #yoo his new songs ... the new ep ..... so good #personal fav is 'all things end' you're so right !!!!! #uhh i am a bit stressed bcs lots of things i gotta do but i'll try my best to manage things well #anyway. HELLO good afternoon !! i hope you all have a lovely day or evening or whatever? :< #also i'm still unsure. bs psych or compsci aaa i like both equally with the cons and pros so it's sucky LMFAO i can't decide #it's funny. i recently got woa i wna go to psych and med etc etc bcs i watched a video and was like i wna help ppl fr #but then the tried out chat gpt bcs my mom and dad mentioned it again and i was curious. ai is absolutely terrifying yet so interesting #there's a bunch of data that goes into that stuff and i've been interested since #i first went to this science museum here in the ph! i really wna go again sometime aaa i miss that place. i still rmbr it #robots are super interesting to me haha sometimes i forget my clubs as a kid were engineering robotics coding related #and only in middle school it turned to. more sporty clubs LMFAO but even then i always preferred tech stuff lol #except i am extremely interested in psych and the like and SCIENCE and RESEARCH and all that but compsci just as much #i am not fond as fond of. chem and bio? bio depends on the specifics of what it is #but then arghhh physics is uh. idk i prefer it actually now that i think abt it LMFAO but math is. smth i love but also it's hard #IDK OKAY i'm still conflicted. uhghm. i love both and both are difficult but i like that lmfaooo #research is smth im interested in a lot and so is data stuff! snd then eventually im interested in either compsci or psych as a career #and both are things im interested in a lot even if i dont end up. going into that career #IDK ANYMORE BYE anyway play gbf and have a lovely weekend

[innocent-until-proven-geeky]

.

#vent post #been doin some research and think i have borderline personality disorder #would explain a lot abt how relationships work in my brain #could of course also be any one of the other half dozen brain things i got goin on #but i'm gonna talk to jeff the therapist abt bpd and see what he says #in the meantime i am in spain without the s emotionally :))) #like it's so bad i'm having physical reactions and near panic attacks abt things which. is not great! #i want to cry and sleep all the time right now bc i'm. well #been writing abt it in my Everything Sucks journal which i apparently started like two or three years ago and never wrote in #after the first entry where i declared it the “everything sucks” journal?? #it's a specific separate journal because i'm going to burn it when it's full. it's Symbolic tm #venting in the tags on a . post on tumblr also helps though #hurts my hands less but still screaming into the void and on the off chance someone sees and reads the tags... maybe i get a virtual hug or #or positive vibes or soemthing #something #think i'm gonna go have another good cry right about now

[noxtivagus]

i LOVE stormblood (listening to some of the ost rn <3 i love all the expansions so very much. they all mean a lot to me <3)

#🌙.rambles #[ ffxiv. ] #i understand /why/ but it makes me really sad when i see ppl that don't appreciate stb :< it has its faults! yes. & a lot is preference but #it's still objectively good !!!! <3 on my behalf i love stb a lot though. help wait i realize how diverse my taste is from all the way from #traditional to. idk sci-fi and fantasy n music that also matches the vibe.... that said oh my god wait i love ffxiv's ost so much . #in stb i really love a father's pride :^) IT SOUNDS SO HOMEY.... & the ala mihgo ones r my favs too! salt & suffering. liberty or death #oh my god wait soken you genius i can;t do this. i love revolutions so much. i remember crying w the.. YEAH.... i love flowers :< #random but fun fact i used to go by the online alias of 'lily' way wayyy back. & then i've always been enthusiastic when it comes to #researching about things i'm interested about so. flower meanings !! i love that sm. idk why but that said i've always loved white flowers #the most. roses have always been my fave. & on the topic of roses i remember a lore i had for my wol with stormblood omg #apollo n i finally bought the game so we were out of free trial yeah? unlocks market board so i remember buying a lot of glams #i remember buying quite a lot of flowers but i. almost always just use the white rose (or the black one! or the hyacinths) #anyways i. i didn't have the rose on my wol for like the end of stormblood 😭 i was sad about that for a while bcs. lore. #i'm really specific about lore stuff !?! idk !?! but i had some ideas that oh! what if some blood got on it or wtvr. it's in my notes #i think hien had a part to do w it bcs i liked him a lot back then . why do i like leaders sm. alphi / aymeric / haurchefant / emet / herme #all of them have some sort of authority ???? & oh man i remember i've always loved the image of a white rose being tainted by red. #I DIDN'T MEAN TO RAMBLE SO MUCH BUT I LOVE FFXIV SO MUCH 🫶🏼 #dude my discord profile looks so cool rn w my wol & my about me :] that line's from the description of the death summon gbf #nier. i like her honestly n oh god i love her song. vira too. another sky :< help i realize my faves are /often/ blue or red. purple too. #help wait stormblood orchestral music &. god i will never shut up about everything ffxiv it really has so much #azim steppe was sooo chill to go through. i love love it so much. temulun's lines too! ishikawa ily #& then with the patches :^) i started in ul'dah so. Emotional. yes. and then i love tsukuyomi. tsukuyomi.... #i won't say anymore spoilers but sigh that tore me apart </3 i have sm more to write but oh my god TAGS but i love ffxiv so much damn #random & not in stormblood but i remember how hyped i was for ravana? the ost. THE OST. unbending steel's lyrics.... oh my god #I LOVE THE OST SO MUCH I WILL NEVER SHUT UP ABOUT IT AAAAAA i forgot abt that 3:13 part o hmy god HOLY FUCK #i feel alive again. overwhelmed with love. god i love this so fucking much thank you ffxiv i wna cry i love ffxiv so much 😭😭 #thinking abt fordola :< & thinking of the wol's trauma gives me chills. & remembering as well of my own lore for my wol throughout this #the ost? the dialogue? the story? the characters? the pain oh my god i love how they express & do the storytelling so much #god this is what i mean when i say ffxiv naturally and immediately gives me inspiration. & motivation. i really really want to write #I'M EMOTIONAL. HFKJDAKFLSJLKDF the music n. oh my god everything just everything. ffxiv. ff. all of it

[asshuka]

you are not immune to trans gay wizard.csp

patreon 🌠 ko-fi 🌠 commissions

#colored #sketchlog #2022 #original #original character #Thiên An #i never remember if i use their full names on the tags sdjhdslbjsd oh well not like. a lot of people can type it anyway #in the past 1-2 years i haven't used overlay layers much bc the colors i use have been very deliberate #most of the time it's a good thing but while doing this doodle (which did use overlay layers) i was thinking it's like. part of how i kinda #overplan things? like these days even line doodles take ages bc i give them unique outfits and accessories. with research and all #and i've been thinking about it a lot it's like. sometimes i think this perfectionist extra nature is keeping me from actually making art #but at the same time i feel like i shouldn't scold myself for it. feels like i'm being influenced by sns pace in that manner #it's hard to find an inbetween when i'm so used to leaning to the extreme of self deprecation #i'm glad this doodle turned out well even though i tried my best to not put Too Much effort into it. executed the vision pretty well #head empty these days otherwise lol i shouldn't force myself but still feel kinda bad for not making art all august #i've just been playing trails in the sky #i've been distancing myself from sns more and more but i do miss being in an art space... but i'm not gonna find it on twitter

[dead-inside-pt2]

I know so much more about rats now- definitely getting the rat a friend to keep him company- Still a possibility that their parents will let them keep the rat but I'd rather be prepared and not get the rat or be unprepared and get the rat

#I'm a responsible pet owner #All my pets get a solid 10 pages of research done about them before they're put into my care #you should see the amount waffle has #I still think its irresponsible of them to have gotten the rat especially knowing that they didn't ask their parents #and i know they didn't do enough research because in a matter of seconds i learned that rats should have friends #and their only knowledge on his diet comes from petco store employees that sold them rat food mix #which is good that they got him a mix but there's a lot more they could be feeding him #I hate people who get pets without research but luckily both me and my brother own (or in my brothers case owned) exotic pets #So we know a little more when it comes to this stuff #not going to be fun feeding waffle in front of the rat though luckily she only eats mice so maybe that'll make me feel less guilty

[neverendingford]

.

#tag talk #if I can make it through the next two weeks I'll be alright. but damn if it isn't gonna be rough #court date next week and dr appointment the week after. but then I'll be back on track with changing my name and then getting hrt #big changes. but changes I need. changes I tried to start back in February. #I try to have yearly goals. big overarching themes and shit. 2022 was just getting away from my patents and accepting being trans #and then it ended up being a year for processing old trauma. which uhh. really culminated in the February attempt to end all that shit #but February was the start of the new year for me. the start of getting all that personal work externalized. being out and unapologetic #the move this summer has thrown things a little out of shape but I'm working to get it back on the rails #if I can get things sorted by the end of this year then next year is the start of forever for me. #it really will be a “first day of the rest of our lives” vibe. new name. finally getting the meds I need. idk exactly how hrt will go though #I need to do independent research to see if I need to go through health provider or if I can find a clinic independently #been meaning to do that for a hot while but I have been so overwhelmed with other stuff I haven't had the energy. #but like. looking back it hasn't been bad. I was afraid I would lose this year to the move. but that's adhd time blindness speaking #even if it takes four months to move and mentally recover that leaves eight still. that's still a lot of time. I have time to work with #every day I'm still alive is a day I have available to get done the things I want to in order to live happily. #sure I'm damaged as fuck. but that doesn't mean I can't get some good work done. I can make friends and have fun and help people #idk. I'm still in a melancholy state from the heavy dissociation I experienced on edibles. I think I might not do that again #losing control of my head isn't great because my default is suicidal and depressed which isn't super pogchamp of me #I'm gonna do it again once more just to have a second experience because a single data point isn't good data so I want two. #but I don't expect to want to do it anymore. I wonder if the high amounts of stress and anticipation I'm experiencing right now affect it #of course it would. prior mental state of going to affect the trip. that's kinda obvious I guess. maybe I try it again in two weeks #anyway. life keeps going and there is no expectation to fall behind on. falling behind means there's an acceptable pace. which is false #well. that's not true. capitalism and all that. there's a minimum pace for somebody. but that's where community comes in to help I guess #I'm rambling now. bye I'm gonna go take a shower and be really sad about having a dick and balls #it's tragic cause they're really nice dick and balls too. Just not for me. I wanna be a cool guy without even a single ball to his name #is that too much to ask? I just wanna be a man who's a woman who's a man but in a different way than the first time he was. #also. I'm tired of straight guys on dating apps hitting me up. like bro I know you're just gonna want to view me as a woman. no deal #bro is gonna have to be at least a little gay. cause I am not gonna swing like that. better be at least a little bi #some dude's bio was like “let me love the woman inside of you” and like. no thanks please go obsess over femininity somewhere else #straight guys who include nonbinary in their profile because they really just see it as woman 2: gender boogaloo ☠️

[mortalityplays]

You need more free art.

I quit my job yesterday. Well, actually I quit my job eight weeks ago, but they finally released me yesterday for good behaviour. Don't get me wrong, I love what I do - but I do it for the wrong reasons. Working for major charities, you learn very fast that 'I want to make the world a better place' is a phrase you use to ask people for money, not to give them things. I was an ass-backwards fit for that world.

You need more free art. I need more free art. Everyone has felt the shift in our media landscape over the last ten years, away from access and towards nickel-and-diming the human experience. That lack of access is making life and culture worse for all of us, across the board. Paywalled news sites leave us less informed, attacks on the Internet Archive leave us less capable of research. Algorithmic social feeds and streaming walled gardens trap us inside smaller and smaller demographic bubbles, where we are increasingly only likely to encounter ideas that have been curated for us by marketing departments. Hasty efforts to resist AI commodification have only led to more artists locking their work away and calling for even more onerous systems of copyright law. This is not good for us.

We all need more free art.

So what am I going to do about it?

This is a question I have been asking myself for years. It's easy to sit here feeilng frustrated and thinking 'boy I hope SOMEONE does SOMETHING'. It's harder to take action in a world where I still have rent to pay. But hard doesn't mean impossible. Sometimes hard just means time-consuming, frustrating and slow. And sometimes it's worth doing something time-consuming, frustrating and slow because...I want to make the world a better place.

I'm going to do this:

1. From April 1st, I am relaunching as a freelance writer and editor.

This is the one that will (hopefully) help to pay the bills. I am a very good and experienced editor. I've worked on hollywood movies, I'm a member of the Chartered Institute of Editors and Proofreaders, I have clients who have been coming to me exclusively for more than 10 years.

Alongside bigger contract jobs, I am going to refocus on offering my services to small-press creators at a reduced rate. That means you, graphic novelists. That means you, itch and amazon writers. I want to help you develop your work, the same way I help large organisations. You can learn more about what an editor even does and what kind of pricing you can expect here.

2. I'm also going to start giving shit away. Like, constantly.

Next week I'm going to launch a new free shop. If you're unfamiliar, a free shop, giveaway shop, swap shop, etc. is an anarchist tradition of setting up a storefront where anyone can take what they like for no cost. Offline, this often means second-hand clothes, tools, furniture, food etc. Online, I am going to be giving away digital art. Copyright-free, no strings attached. It will (eventually) feature everything from print-res posters to zines, poems, tattoo flash, t-shirt designs and anything else we come up with.

Yes, I said 'we' - while this is a curated collection, it will feature work from a variety of credited and anonymous artists and activists, all of whom have agreed to give their work away to the public domain. Some of it will be practical, some of it will be political, but a lot of it will be decorative or personal. This is, in part, a response to recent difficulty I had finding somewhere that would print a one-off joke poster for a friend that featured the word 'faggot'. Enough. No middlemen - no explaining ourselves. Just print our shit and enjoy it.

I'm very, very excited about this project. I'll have more to say about it closer to the launch, but you can expect it to go live on March 27th.

2.2 I forgot to mention the ACTUAL LAUNCH GIVEAWAY

To celebrate my launch, I am going to be giving away a ton of physical prints. When I went looking for my old stock to see if it was worth setting a new (paid) storefront up, I realised I had way more old work in storage than I thought. This will be announced in its own right on Monday, but this is why I've been hinting you should go follow my Patreon.

On April 1st, I will pick 8 random patrons (from across all tiers including non-paying followers!) and mail them a bundle of assorted prints and postcards. The prize pool includes A3 and A4 posters, packs of A6 postcards, and printed minicomics that I've previously sold for up to £12 each.

You don't have to be a paying subscriber to enter - this is strictly no-purchase necessary. It is purely and entirely a celebration of the concept of GIVING ART AWAY FOR FREE.

3. PORN, YOU PERVERTS

Because I still have to pay to stay alive, I am going to be subsidising all this free art with the introduction of Fuck You Fridays. Starting from March 29th, I will drop a new 18+ short story on the last Friday of every month, over on itch.io (yes I know my page is desolate right now, don't worry I'll get there).

The first edition, Go Fuck Yourself, is about, well - telling your boss where to stick it. Julia has had it with her millionaire man-child manager, and is just about ready to let him know what she really thinks. It's a short and steamy 5k words, with a gorgeous cover illustration by @taylor-titmouse, and you can pick it up for $3 starting from March 29th.

4. ANOTHER BIG SURPRISE

I'm keeping this one under wraps for now, but April 1st will also play host to one more (FREE) launch. If you've been following me for a long time, you might remember the other significance of this date (no not April Fool's day, though that is certainly thematically relevant to this entire effort). That's all I'll say right now. Watch this space.

tl;dr: I'm sick of paywalls and career ladders. I'm literally putting my money where my mouth is. More free art for everyone and I'm not kidding around!!!

#announcement #please reblog let's make this HAPPEN