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damn-stark · 3 years

Text

Sweet relief

Jesse x reader

Requested by @minheoly “Can you do an angst where the reader and jesse try to make life work after the birth of JJ but they have to break up because its too much. And then they meet up again years later and have a cute reunion (as friends and or they rekindle since jesse chose to co-paeent but not be with dina . You can choose which one you like !)

Warning- ANGST, fluff

———-

Time after finding out about a new baby is exciting, especially in a time such as this where having babies isn’t as common as it was before all these monsters roamed the earth.

And it was exciting, finding out Dina was going to have a baby...with your boyfriend Jesse, for a while. You liked going to visit her as her stomach grew, you liked to feel the baby kick, but as time passed and after the baby was born, things became harder.

Jesse's time with you turned less and less. And you understood he was a parent, you could never make him choose between his kid and you. Life was just getting hard.

And in many ways Jesse didn’t seem to understand that. You both argued, yes, a lot, but he didn’t seem to grasp the difficulty of the situation. He always thought that arguing was just normal, that it was something you’d recover from, but you were getting tired. It just wasn’t working for you anymore. As much as you loved him, you just couldn’t keep going anymore. You needed to end things with him.

It was for the best, for him and you.

You were anxious to end things, but it needed to be done. And like the many times before he came home late, he walked through the door and jumped slightly as he saw you waiting for him in the living room. He put his things away and approached you, not noticing the almost grim expression on your face, he tried to press a kiss on your cheek, but you moved your head away to avoid the gesture, instantly making him catch onto your mood and sigh at what he thought was coming.

“Look, y/n, I’m not in the mood today, let’s just leave it for tomorrow.” He pulls away and turns to walk to your shared room, but you stop him before he disappears inside.

“It’s not that,” you sigh, sitting up right and then leaning forward, unable to even get comfortable with the weight on your shoulders. “Jesse we need to talk...about us.”

Jesse turns around and leans by the corner of the wall under the hallway entrance, hiding his expression by the shadow of the darkness casted from the hall.

“I love you,” you speak truthfully, titling your head up to see him looking down and crossing his arms over his chest. “But what we have going on, our relationship isn’t working anymore.”

“What do you mean?” He queries, keeping his gaze downcasted.

You stand up and keep looking at him, taking a step closer to him to see him better with the light shining across him. “I just mean that I...I’m breaking up with you.”

Jesse's eyes widen and he snaps his head to look up at you. He unfolds his arms and looks at you in disbelief. He parts his lips to argue, but he ends up staring at you, mouth agape.

“We just aren’t on the same page anymore, we’re both in different chapters of our lives and I need to move on my own. Try to figure life out without you.”

“But, I love you,” he protests, pushing himself off the wall and taking a step towards you, making you take one back and be partially disguised by the shadows on the room's corner. “I still want to be with you, I still want to make things work. Why this sudden need to end us?”

“Because,” you sigh, “we aren’t working anymore Jesse, you’re always busy and away. We hardly spend time together and when we do it’s just to argue. I don’t want to live like that anymore.” You argue, feeling your eyes sting with mixed emotions flowing through you. “I try to make things work, I try to make a simple day special, but it never works.”

“That’s because I have a kid to take care of, y/n.” Jesse argues, “I have expeditions to plan and go to, I come home tired.”

“And all I want is you to just give me a little bit of attention, Jesse, that’s all I ask for and right now I know you can’t do that.” You take a step towards him and feel your throat burn with the yearn to cry, keeping your emotions hidden by the shadows, noticing his tears gleam in his eyes. “And I understand your priorities, I can’t and won’t make you choose. Ever. Which is why I’m ending things.”

“But—”

“Yeah I know,” you interject, placing your hands on your hips and expressing a deep shaky sigh. “I love you too, but it’s for the best, I know you know that.”

Tears roll down your eyes and you hear him take a step back to the entrance of the hall, dropping his head and hiding his face.

“If that’s what you want….I won’t stop you, even if I want to.”

You nod slowly, beginning to walk towards the front door and only stopping before opening it to grab your jacket, looking over your shoulder one last time to see Jesse's tears glisten by the light shining across him. He made sure not to look at you, probably trying to hide the fact that he was crying, but you had caught his emotions and didn’t call him on it. Instead you let your own tears continue to flow down and you added one last comment before leaving.

“I love you. I always will.”

——

*FIVE YEARS LATER*

“Hi Ellie,” you greet warmly with a bright grin on your lips. “It’s been a while.”

“Yeah, you sucker, where the hell have you been?” She blurted.

You shrug and begin to follow beside her as she walks you towards her home. “Trying to just live.”

“Away from us? For five years?” She probes.

Again you shrug and just smile shyly. “I’m back now and I’ve brought JJ a present.”

Ellie smiles brighter, “oh he’ll love it.”

You slowly examine the farm and sigh with relief as you hear the animals in the distance, the wind drift past, feel the sun kiss your skin, and smell the scents of the flowers around the fields as you take in a deep breath. “I missed this place.”

“It’s amazing isn’t it.” Ellie agrees with you, “I love just admiring the scenery.” She comes to a stop and turns herself and you to admire the mountains in the distance.

“Do you come across any infected?”

She nods, “sometimes but Jesse and I take care of them.”

Jesse. Where was he?

Of course you didn’t come here expecting not to see him. It just felt strange to think you’d see him. It’s been five years. You wanted to see him, but at the same time you didn’t.

Regardless of your thoughts, you answer with a soft hum and turn your head towards the house as you see a little dark haired boy running Ellie’s way with a goofy grin on his lips.

“Hey, J.” Ellie exclaims as she opens her arms to wait for him to come running in for a big bear hug. She lifts him up and kisses his forehead. “You finally done taking your nap little man?”

“Yeah,” he nods, taking you by surprise at the sound of his voice and his clear word. “Can we go play? Daddy said to come ask you.”

“Why can’t he play?” She teases, shooting you a smug grin.

“Because he says he’s busy.”

“Busy avoiding someone?”

The little boy looks at her confused and shrugs. “I don’t know.”

Ellie chuckles and changes the subject instead, turning fully to face you with JJ in arms. “JJ, this is y/n, an old friend. You met her before, but you were just a baby then.”

The little boy drifts his gaze to you and smiles kindly, waving and greeting you. “Hi, I’m JJ.”

You match his grin and wave back. “I’m y/n. I heard it was your birthday so I brought you this,” you hand him a wrapped box and he takes it with overwhelming joy.

“What do you say?” Ellie questions him.

“Thank you!”

Ellie turns towards her home and looks over her shoulder to point her head towards her house. “Come on.”

You sigh and hesitate but nod nonetheless, proceeding to follow her towards her home, but stopping as Jesse walked out to the front porch with Dina following behind him. At the sight of you, she smiles at you and waves, walking quickly down the stairs and meeting you halfway to throw her arms around you. “Y/N!”

You avert Jesse's lingering gaze and return her embrace and her excitement. “Hey, it’s so good to see you!”

“Where have you been?” She asks as she pulls away, grabbing a hold of your shoulders tightly.

“Oh you know living.”

“Oh well we’ve missed you.”

You smile softly, “I’ve missed you all too.”

Dina turns around and hooks her arm with yours to begin to pull you inside. Stopping at top of the porch as Jesse stayed by the door. He averted your gaze but Dina left you there in front of him and pulled Ellie and JJ with her.

“Hey,” you sigh.

His dark eyes stay on the ground but slowly drift up to you to offer you a tight lipped smile. “Hello, y/n.”

“It’s good to see you’re doing good.”

“You too.”

You step back and stand where the sun hits your skin, you clasp your hands together and offer him a sweet smile. “I-I’ve missed you, y’know.”

Jesse straightens out his shoulders and looks at you with parted lips, he stays silent for a while and then walks down the small flight of stairs, waiting for you on the ground. You don’t hesitate to follow after him, falling by his side and remaining silent for a while until he spoke up.

“You came for me?”

You scoff, “that’s only half of it.”

“Wow,” He teases with a playful grin, “you just keep hurting me.”

You shake your head and can't help the grin. “You look good. You’ve gained more muscle.”

Jesse puts his hands in his pockets and shrugs nonchalantly. “What can I say? It’s been five years.” He looks at you and from the corner of your eyes you see his smile shine even brighter by the light of the bright sun in the sky. “You look good too. What are you doing back?”

“Well I was in town and I do plan to stay long term. I’ve found myself and decided it’s time to go home.”

Jesse nods and you look at him with a small assuring smile.

“How have you been?”

“Good,” he assures you, “you know taking care of JJ, surviving. What about you? Have you been...alone this whole time?”

“Yep,” you nod, “you?”

“Yeah just me and my little man.”

“That’s good,” you mutter, disguising your relief for the answer he’d given you. “Do you—”

“I've been waiting for you,” Jesse cuts you off, turning away to look at the green field. “I understood why you left, it took me a while to understand, but I do and I haven’t been able to get you out of my head. I still love you til this day.”

You grin and stop, seeing him stop and turn to face you. You express a shaky sigh and then share your own feelings. “I love you too.”

Jesse grins brightly and walks towards you to pull you in for a hug that you didn’t hesitate to return, digging your head into the crook of his neck and feeling a sweet relief.

#the last of us part 2 #the last of us imagines #the last of us imagine #the last of us fanfiction #the last of us #tlou2 jesse x reader #jesse tlou #jesse the last of us #tlou jesse #the last of us jesse #tlou jesse x reader #jesse x reader #tlou imagines #tlou imagine #tlou fanfiction #tlou ellie #tlou Dina #JJ tlou

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taegyuun · 3 years

Text

scared ice prince

requested by: @nico-nico-niki MWAH !!

genre: fluff, childhood best friends to enemies to lovers, angst-ish

warnings: swearing

word-count: 2.8k

ALRIGHTY LETS GET STARTED

as children you and sunghoon lived nowhere near each other

literally on the complete opposite sides of the town

so you may be asking “how did we meet”

now now

your friendship started in one place that was right smack dab in the centre of the town

the ice rink :D

both you and sunghoon started around the same time but you started just a tad earlier maybe like a week or two so y’know you already knew like the basics like how to tie your skates properly and what not

sunghoon did not

so this is how your friendship started !!

when he first came in he was this TINY tiny child literally the most adorable little thing baby baby <333

he was incredibly shy not shine tho and didn’t speak to anyone not even the instructor

and you could see that he was struggling to tie his skates so you walked over and crouched down before untying your own

he looked over curiously and you started showing him step by step how to do the basic knot so he could follow without even saying anything

and then you were basically inseparable LMFAOO

ik crazy how tying a skate lace can blossom such an incredible friendship

whenever the instructor asked to pair up for a skating assessment you two were already stuck together like glue

literally no one tried to separate you two bc they knew if they did, it’d either end in very LOUD tears or them having bruises

but like i said, you two lived on the opposite sides of the town and as little 8/9 year olds you couldn’t exactly venture out on your own and just walk to each other’s houses

so outside of the weekend figure skating practice, you two barely saw each other

your parents once in a while, maybe every two weeks, drove one of you to the others house so you could play and what not but you both had busy parents so it wasn’t always a constant routine y’know

but as you grew older you became more and more inseparable

like in middle school, you forced your parents to move you to his school so you two could be together which they actually agreed on but that’s only bc his school had better education-

and then in highschool everyone thought you were dating

even though you didn’t really potray any sort of skin ship other than smacking the other one across the head 💀

you two were just so close that everyone just assumed

oh and yes you both carried on your figure skating career !!!

when you entered high school that’s kinda when it got a lot more competitive

middle school, sure you both competed but it wasn’t really anything crazy

it wasn’t like a proper competition that you felt accomplished for winning - it felt more like child’s play

but now that you’re both almost adults- you went to actual tournaments and competed with other incredibly talented figure skaters

this also meant spending less time with sunghoon and more time at the ice rink

you were both incredibly passionate about the sport and it clouded both of your minds so much that it was bascially the only thing you would think about

you stayed at the same ice rink that you started at- the one in the centre of your town

while sunghoon transferred to a more “prestigious” one that was closer to the city

it’s not like you couldn’t afford it you just weren’t bothered to travel that far for the same schooling that you got here

you weren’t exactly sure why sunghoon transferred

i mean, the teachers taught you the exact same things in the same ways

you did have your suspicions of him not wanting you to see his practices bc you were both starting to compete against each other but if that was the case he could just have fully private lessons instead of lessons with you

you never really thought about it too much, you just focused on yourself and how well you were doing with the sport

the reason for sunghoon transferring was the exact reason that you guessed

he didn’t want you to see him practice.

sunghoon, well, ice skating was basically his whole life

it was his joy in this cruel world

and he loved it so much he forgot about anything else that was in the world because of it

it also made him forget about his best friend of the last decade...

he became incredibly competitive - especially when he was skating against you

he made it his priority to win every time but he tried even harder to win when you were in the tornament too

he wasn’t sure why but similarly to you, he didn’t bother thinking much about it especially when the sport was filling his thoughts so much

it’s like he almost had no time to think about anything but figure skating

it’s like he didn’t even want to think about anything but figure skating

so this is exactly why you two fell apart and became ‘enemies’

he basically lost all contact with you out of nowhere once you two started competing properly

you tried to reach him at school and whenever you had the time to see if something happened or if you did something

but he would always dismiss you or simply ignore you

you tried to get jake, your other best friend and the only person you knew who actually could talk to him, to get him to contact you

but every time jake got back to you it was a shrug and a “idk y/n, something got to him and he won’t listen to a single word i say... hes a completely changed person”

so yeah sunghoon turned into a dick in the span of a few months

it did hurt you

it hurt a lot

he was really one of your only friends who you were so tight-knit with that you felt like you could tell him anything

i mean - you were literally best friends for a decade!

you even contacted his parents and they were confused themsleves

your parents were even worried for him

but we move i guess we can’t be crying over some stupid boy in this household youre strong >:)

even though you two never spoke anymore, becuase of your shared friendship with jake, you two still saw each other frequently at school - especially at lunch

you would always catch him sneaking glances at you every time you laughed at something jake said or when you teased jay for some stupid things he said

jealous sunghoon????

but like i said WE MOVE !!! you did not pay him any attention at all and as you should bc the kid literally randomly dropped you for no reason at least that you were aware of

other than school lunches, you mainly saw him at competitions

and however much you disliked him for what he did, you could not deny that he was an incredibly talented skater

when he glided across the ice you could feel his happiness and how peaceful he felt even when doing intricate spins and jumps

and even though you knew you couldn’t, you felt happy for him

ok maybe you felt more than happy for him

you couldn’t deny the feelings that were present 😐✋

as much as you didn’t want to, you started falling for the boy you saw on ice because that same boy that was gliding so effortlessly inside the rink reminded you so much of the boy you used to once see and speak to everyday without any worries

but the second he stepped off the rink and met his eyes with yours your feelings instantly deflated

you then once again felt the same rage rushing through you at what he did to you

you were still waiting for an explanation as to what the fuck was going on

and everytime he stepped off the rink with the widest smile, his eyes would meet yours as if he was searching for you to see if you watched

but when he met your dejected and angry eyes, his smile would drop and let out a sigh

he was angry at himself for what he did to you

he was frustrated that some stupid sport had ruined the best thing that had ever happened to him in his whole life

he knew he was in love with you

he knew for so long

and maybe that’s the reason why he begged his parents to let him transfer to another ice rink

so he didn’t have to watch you gracefully skate across the ice and not have to worry about somehow fucking up and saying the wrong thing

he was scared of being in love with his best friend

becuase that trope either turns into an endless love or the everlasting sorrow of losing your best friend to dumb feelings

so instead he acted upon some MORE dumb feelings and locked you off from him

he tried hard, he really did

but he couldn’t stop thinking about you

he looked for you at every competition and for some reason, he always found you there even if you weren’t competing

in school he always looked for you and every time he said something stupid or said some sort of joke he was waiting for a smack on the back of his head or one of your incredibly ugly but somewhat endearing snorts

but that never came

however! something was present

you always tried to hide your smile by dropping you head and looking at the table during every lunch

or when you met his gaze you’d look away and pretend to be interested in the wall beside you

he knew that you felt something as well and it wasn’t just him

but he may have realised that a tad late

but i mean it wasn’t just him who was doing these things

you were also unconsciously looking around for him after every performance and during school to see if he was ok

now now how do you two become lovers you may ask?

i am getting to that now

funnily enough both of your instructors were siblings and they wanted their companies to partner up together and hold this one big performance for the end of the year

in that performance they wanted all of the skaters to skate individually and then two people to skate together in a “romantic” performance

they thought it was a cute way to start the year ok-

you can see where i’m going with this cant you 😼

and well bascially the way it was done

was they put everyone’s names in a hat and chose two out

sunghoon and arrabella

arrabella was some random ass girl from sunghoons ice rink you literally never saw her at the competitions but alright

you were secretly hoping to hear your name being called out and not so you could hold hands with sunghoon while skating 🙄

but bc you wanted him to finally speak to you one on one and tell you what the frick happened

arrabella was clearly a big fan of sunghoon as he almost passed away from hearing her name and his together

sunghoon looked quite disgusted ngl

so he walked up to the instructor and whispered something in his ear to which the instructor nodded at

you then watched as he dunked his hand in the hat again before pulling out another piece of paper

your name was called

you were like ????? bc wasnt it meant to be only two people performing??

and then they told everyone that you and arrabella were switching places bc she wasn’t fit for the performance

sunghoon didn’t actually tell the instructor to chose your name he just asked him to chose another person bc he knew all she’s do was gush over him instead of actually learning rhe perfomance

but yes he secretly hoped you’d be chosen and TA DA !!!!

so you stand up and skate over to where sunghoon was standing as the instructor shows you the video that you were going to recreate

it involved a lot of waist grabbing, hand holding and touches.

let’s just say you had to take a few deep breaths

you and sunghoon haven’t properly spoken for the past few months and we’re almost at the brink of hating each other but now you have to do this ??? good lord give me strength

but in all honesty you both put your feelings aside when it came to practice bc you didn’t want to disappoint your instructors and wanted to make a nice perfomance for everyone

so every time you had practice with sunghoon you put your professional game face on and just did what you had to do

trying to ignore his large hands on your waist or the way hes softly but tightly hold your hand when you had to do some sort of spin

and alas

the day came of the perfomance and up until then both of you barely said anything to each other, only minor things that helped the other improve in the dance

after the whole perfomance happened and everyone was finished, you both received a lot of praise for such a stunning show from literally everyone

the most frequent comment you got was “wow! your chemistry was indescribable,,, that was the most beautiful relationship i had ever witnessed” and you’d just look at each other like “uh-“

so you both stayed behind to collect some things that you got given and well

you both figured it was time to finally speak about what was going on

“so i-“

“do you mind-“

he lets you speak first wow what a gentleman 😐

“so do you mind telling me what the fuck this was all about? you randomly dropped me and acted as if i didn’t exist yet you always looked for me during your competitions or at lunch?? sunghoon, i don’t know what i did wrong but please for the love of god tell me what is going on we can’t keep acting like this”

sunghoon just started at the ice quite dejectedly

he had this whole speech to say to you that was a whole apology and also a confession but for some reason it completely slipped his mind the second he faced you

he didn’t even realise how much time passed as you started to turn around and slowly skate away after saying “if you’re not going to speak to me i’m leaving”

well obviously mr. park had to get his shit sorted out so he quickly skated to you and grabbed your wrist wow what a classic move

you turned around and huffing looking down at his hand on your wrist before looking back up at him as to say “what now”

so now it’s time for his explanation wow took you long enough

“ok first of all i’m so fucking sorry y/n idk why i did this i think it’s because i was scared to be in love with you and i didn’t want to ruin our friendship with some stupid feelings but instead i did exactly that and instead of actually having the weight off my shoulders for you finally knowing i just had more put on because i ruined what we had in the worst way possible and i know this is an incredibly shitty apology, if you can even call it that, but it’s been so hard without you i’m so frustrated at myself for doing this i just wish i cou-“

then he felt your lips on his

oh my god he burnt up so much at the contact he thought the ice beneath him would meltn

he obviously kissed back and you felt relieved that it was the right decision to do

as you pulled back you said “i forgive you and i love you too but pull that shit on me one more time and i’m burrying you in ice.” and then kiss him again <3

after that sunghoon decided to move back to the old ice rink so the same one youre in and oh my god

the relief everyone felt when they saw you and sunghoon back together all happy and smiley and giggles and sunshine’s and what not

every time jake sees you two he internally sighs and thanks whatever is up there for giving him his friends back - sure a little more lovey dovey but they were back

YOU DONT EVEN UNDERSTAND THE RELIEF BOTH OF YOUR PARENTS FELT-

i mean they knew you’d end up together at some point it was painfully obvious but still-

and you lived happily ever after

the end

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fountainpenguin · 3 years

Text

It’s an Update

Hello, Riddle here! I know I’ve been pretty quiet on Tumblr lately. Here’s an update on my situation:

I will definitely post more fanfic updates soon. I’ve picked at drafts, but haven’t posted anything lately. Here are the reasons why:

I got a new IRL job. It’s a good fit for me, but I have less free time than I used to, of course. It’s a job that involves writing lots of articles on a variety of topics, and I enjoy how every day is a little different

Most of my free time for the last year has gone towards my mod work at the Creature-Crossing ARPG, and to my personal CC writing. I’ve been working on new activities over there (my recent favorite being our seasonal familiar shows... I won first place in the summer show!) and I have a lot of plot plans that are coming together now. If you ever want to see my original characters and read my CC writing, you can find my character directory HERE and my Table of Contents HERE.

Once November 1st hits, I won’t be preparing for the release of any more CC activities or events. All future activity or event releases will be overseen by the other mods, and I’ll simply be someone they can ask for extra help if needed. This is a big change for a mod who spent the last 12 months working on new releases, and will give me back some of the free time my IRL job will eat

The Creature-Crossing admin (my boss) greenlit my request to bring an assistant on the mod team who will specifically help me with a lot of my behind-the-scenes work, such as data entry and organization. I’ve never had another mod who specifically helps me with the back end duties before, so that will be awesome. I will need to spend some time training them, but once they are official, that will take some of my workload off and allow me more free time for this blog and personal writing time.

===

Fanfic updates you can expect to see soon:

- Reedfilter Rules

- Frayed Knots

- Origin of the Pixies

- Debut of Factor It In, my Kid Math-centric “WordGirl” fanfic (Subtitled “Tales of a third-grade superhero in training”)... Yes I am still in love with this idiot boy, expect lots of doodle pages soon

- The 130 Prompts project is on a slow-burn writing schedule... I’ll write for it when I want to, but I mostly want to focus on Origin and Knots this year.

Further info below the cut. There is more info about non-Fairly OddParents ‘fics in here too (under “non-FOP fanfics”), so if you’re looking forward to Mario World or “WordGirl” ‘fics from me, give this a click so you know what’s coming!

So, what does this update mean for your fanfics?

They’ll be active again soon! I’ve been picking at them behind the scenes, trying to build up a buffer. In an ideal world, I would love to release a new chapter for SOMETHING every Friday. I doubt this will be possible, but it’s something I would love to work towards in the future. Realistically, you can probably expect some kind of fanfic update once every two Fridays (two updates per month).

There might be some Fridays where posting an update is not possible. Instead, I’ll make a post about what progress I made instead. In the past, I often overworked myself to get a chapter out in time for my old deadline. I will not be doing that anymore, but will instead hold myself to a goal of “Make progress on something every week.”

In the best ideal world, I would love to post one FOP fanfic update per week and one non-FOP fanfic update per week. This is not likely to happen for a long, long time, but that would be the dream.

Here are the things I most likely worked on if there is no fanfic update:

- A fanfic chapter draft that needs more time

- A sideblog profile

- A Toyhouse profile for personal characters

- IRL work or mod work may have kept me busy this week

- Creature-Crossing writing... I will try to prioritize my fanfics more, but my CC writing is still important to me and I will be working on it in a lot of my free time too. At the moment, I have a hard deadline of December 14th that I need to meet if I want to release huge plot drama on the day that it happens in canon. I’ve been building up to this for a long time, so I’m really excited about that.

I currently have summer or autumn 2022 planned as the “finale” for the majority of my plot to explode. I will be hosting a member-run event in Creature-Crossing that will last for two months, so a lot of my time from January until the event’s release will be spent doing event prep. Once the event ends, my story content will mostly be a “return to slice of life.” Stories will be more casual one-offs as characters grow, live their lives, and start their own families. Hitting seasonal deadlines for plot will no longer be so important. I’ll be giving Creature-Crossing work less attention after that, and much more attention to my fanfics.

- I may not have a fanfic chapter out each week, but I WILL post a note every Friday to let you know what I have been doing with my time. You’ll see me around. Feel free to send Asks and talk!

===

What non-FOP fanfics would you like to work on?

For literal years, I’ve been claiming I want to post Mario World fanfics. This is still something I want to do. I tag Mario World posts as “mushrooms and more.” I’ve already done a lot of worldbuilding, I have thousands of words of content written for this fandom... I just haven’t posted any of it. I hope to do this soon.

- “WordGirl” fanfics are prioritized over Mario World fanfics. After I finish my first “WordGirl” multi-chapter, I will probably be ready to post my Mario World ‘fics. I may possibly post some Mario World one-shots in between other fanfic updates. Might take another year or more before I touch Mario stuff unless there’s high interest in seeing it sooner?

I also really want to write some WordGirl ‘fics and get more involved with the fandom community. I’ve been building headcanons and lore for this show ever since I was a kid, and I have multiple ‘fics for this fandom that I want to write.

- “AlgoRhythm” is a ‘fic I have already posted on FFN and AO3, about WordGirl introducing Kid Math to the villains in town

- 28 Cities is a ‘fic I started about Rhyme and Reason before they arrived in Fair City. I put it on hiatus since it didn’t seem like anyone was interested, but I’m willing to post more for it if there is interest in it now that years have passed and I’ve gotten more followers who like WordGirl. I have a lot of worldbuilding and plot I never shared for it

- Factor It In is a ‘fic I’ve been working for a while that parallels the official show from the moment Kid Math arrives in town. It focuses on Rex’s struggle to adjust to this world as a child coming into his superpowers for the first time (Y’know, the whole “superheroes don’t have powers when they’re on their home planets” thing), his struggle to adapt to the social world of a non-logical planet, and Becky’s struggle to help him become accustomed to Earth and learn to share it with her as well. If the episode “Kid Math” was a full-length novel about Rex’s arrival and character development, that’s what this story is. This is the highest priority of all my non-FOP ‘fics... I’ve had a cover image made for 6 months and even though I tried setting it aside, I’ve always been super inspired to write for it. If I felt like it would be a good idea to commit to weekly updates alongside my FOP updates, I would, haha.

- I have two one-shot WIPs called “Squishy Feelings” and “A Little Ambiguity”, one of them focusing on Becky and Rex talking about the events of “Rhyme and Reason” and what it means for Rex’s secret identity, and the latter being a future ‘fic showing WordGirl and Kid Math dealing with life 10 to 15 years down the road. I’ll probably post the latter, not sure yet on the former.

- If desired, I may make a WordGirl specific sideblog where I post lore, answer Asks, post character profiles [smaller than my FOP sideblog ones], and mention fanfic updates. If you would be interested in this, feel free to send me an Ask requesting I do this. If there’s not interest, I’ll just keep my WordGirl stuff on the main blog.

- I’d like to get more involved in the WordGirl community, so I’ll probably post more content and reblog more art and headcanons

I also have a handful of miscellaneous ideas I might follow through with. I’d like to write at least one “TUFF Puppy” fanfic so I can say I did. In a perfect world I would like to finish the two “Danny Phantom” and “Bunsen Is a Beast” fanfics I started because... I just kind of want to dip my toe in each of the Hartman shows once since I already went through all the effort of worldbuilding for them to make them canon in a single Hartman show universe. “ChalkZone” is another show I adore and might touch someday (You may recall I have a full outline planned for an FOP/ChalkZone crossover ‘fic called “Dust to Dust”).

Will I write all of these things? Maybe not. I have no idea if I want to spend the next 10+ years writing fanfics, or if I’ll simply be done with all misc. fanfics immediately once I decide to be done with my main ‘fics. I definitely intend to write for a few more years and finish my main ‘fics, but I might not go through with some less popular side ‘fics if life is getting busy for me.

===

What is the posting schedule for FOP ‘fics?

Reedfilter Rules, Frayed Knots, Origin of the Pixies, the 130 Prompts project, and “Come What May” are all high priority FOP writings. I will swap between them depending on my mood that week.

Here are some other ‘fics I want to work on.

- If you like, you can send me Asks requesting I work on a specific story above the rest. I will try to prioritize whichever stories interest you guys most.

Snips and Snails is a ‘fic I started and posted the first chapter for years ago. I’m not sure when I will get back to it, as I ran into some writer’s block. It’s still on tentative hiatus for now..... Possibly forever, though I hope it isn’t forever since it’s only supposed to be, like, five more chapters.

Pink and Gray is on official hiatus. I actually have a lot written for it, but I know it’s a little weird to put so much time and energy into Gary and Betty content when... well, let’s be honest: they’re my niche favorites and most of you probably don’t care. So, I am lifting my usual “no spoilers” policy from my Ask Box. If you would like to ask about my Gary and Betty backstory headcanons, feel free. I will tag my replies as “ridwriting spoilers” for anyone who wants to blacklist the tag, and spoilers will be hidden under a Read More line.

I’d like to return to this story someday because there are tons of things I like about it (ranging from Betty’s secret tattoos to Gary’s plot drama with his mom to the background drama between Talon and Anti-Cosmo, but I always feel immense pressure to make it extra cool to make up for the fact these are weird side characters, so... it’s officially at the bottom of the priority pile. Once Talon shows up in Frayed Knots and readers understand who he is and why he exists, I’ll consider coming back to it.

Identity Theft is a story about Foop and his time in the alternate dimension he was flung into following the episode “Playdate of Doom.” To put it short, Foop was abused by alternate versions of his parents in this dimension and he witnessed some pretty intense stuff, including the death of the alt version of himself who existed in that reality. The trauma he experienced resulted in his alternate personality, Hiccup. Foop himself has very few memories of what happened, as Hiccup has all of those memories. This story is canon in my works, and it is regularly referred to during the 130 Prompts as part of Foop’s backstory. It’s my highest priority side story to work on.

Along the Cherry Lane is a 20-chapter work focusing on the lives of the main human cast from age 11 to age 30, with one chapter showing a snippet of their lives each year. You see Timmy raising Tommy and Tammy in this ‘fic, and it ends with them receiving godparents. Since the 130 Prompts don’t give humans much attention, this ‘fic does. You’ll probably see it debut two years from now, closer to when the 130 Prompts is ready to talk more about humans.

If this becomes a popular ‘fic of mine, I’ll probably write a sequel or continue it past Chapter 30 and write about Tammy and Tommy living with fairies, but I won’t if there’s no interest in that.

Little Imperfections is a Pixie AU ‘fic of mine about what life would be like in a universe where the Fairies are even more like insects than I play them as during my main works (where I already play them as semi-similar to insects). In this world, the Head Pixie is a figurehead whose duty is to reproduce for the sake of the colony and do nothing else, and he’s bored out of his mind until he befriends Sanderson, who introduces him to music. It’s extremely self-indulgent and silly because I like Pixies.

Francis is a multi-chapter ‘fic about bully Francis’s life getting yet another fairy godparent in a long string of memory wipes and godparents. It takes place during the canon series, and when you see an “orange fairy” mentioned in some of my writings, it’s usually referring to this fairy. His name is Rover and I occasionally post art of him. I feel like I can’t truly call myself an FOP fanfic writer until I actually write about a godkid and their godparents, haha...

Hawthorn Haven is a side ‘fic that will be posted towards the end of the 130 Prompts, as it veers off from the prompts in its own self-contained multi-chapter story. It will be approximately the length of “Baby, You’re a Rich Man.”

Acacia Arcadia is a far-past ‘fic detailing the fall of the ancient fae, the imprisonment of the nature spirits, the rise and fall of the chimera nation, the fall of the Martian genies, and the early days of the cloudlands. This is close to the bottom of the priority pile... It’s something I spend time on for personal reference to ensure accuracy in my other ‘fics, but it’s probably not what you guys came here to read.

AA has a bunch of characters in it that you might vaguely recognize, such as Ezekiel Whimsifinado, Evadne, Ione, Two Feathers, Rho, and Sablewood (If you’re astute, you might recall cloudland legends and landmarks in modern day that refer back to these characters). There are also a lot of characters who were reincarnated as Anti-Fairies, in accordance to traditional Anti-Fairy beliefs; Foop for example exists as a main character in one of his past lives, and you’ll see a hint dropped about each of his lives in the first chapter of Identity Theft. My tentative plan is to use Foop’s past lives as my central characters, following the events of each part of the timeline until he gets killed and reincarnates at a later point of the timeline.

I also keep some one-shots in a file I call Mixed Nuts and I may possibly post them someday (they’re mostly just one-shots of main cast characters I do to get a feel for their personalities, I have some Wanda and Cupid in here). @zachbrightside and I are also working on a collab ‘fic called Like a House On Fire that shows more of Timmy and Chloe’s lives during Season 10 (especially around the time of “Which Is Wish?”) No news on a release date for that yet.

As I’ve said before, once all my other FOP works are complete, I will write Devil’s Backbone, which is my far-future ‘fic and the finale of my FOP writing. I do not plan to write any more FOP content after that story is finished, as I expect to have all other FOP projects done by then.

- Devil’s Backbone is a finale 'fic, so all worldbuilding from all stories is fair game to blend together, and it’s highly recommended you read everything else first. This story has been outlined since 2016, and it might not be published for another 10 years... Who knows! But it’s something I always work towards as a concrete endgame goal.

- If something serious comes up in my life and I officially decide I don’t want to write this story, I will post the outline for it. The link to this draft is included with all the other Google Docs links I have in a far-future queued post unveiling my WIPs in case I unexpectedly die and you still want to know how my stories would have gone, so you’ll get access to this story eventually even if I die young. Yes, share access is turned on for them all and I do take extra careful measures to be sure that post doesn’t get posted early skldfj

===

What is the plan for the main blog?

Every Friday, I will post either a fanfic chapter or a progress update. You can blacklist the tag “ridlife” if you do not want to see the progress updates on your dashboard. Fanfic updates will not have the “ridlife” tag, so you will not be blocking them.

During the rest of the week, I might post doodles, reblogs, or general comments. Basically... you’ll see the blog become active again. Feel free to send in Asks about my worldbuilding and thoughts on fanfic characters.

@fountainpenguin is my personal blog, so you will see non-fandom things on here sometimes

@riddledeep is my FOP-exclusive sideblog. It contains all my lore notes and goes into a ton of depth, more than my fanfics give in one breath

===

What does this mean for the Riddledeep sideblog?

I really want to go back and edit those character profiles that were posted early by mistake. The reason they were queued is because if I turned them into drafts, they would have been buried all the way at the beginning of my draft collection, and I have many, many drafts saved. There are no page numbers to navigate quickly through the draft collection, so I would have to click through each page one by one if I ever wanted to look at them. I hated doing this, which is why I kept my posts queued.

I was regularly updating the queue deadlines, trying to keep things in the order I wanted to post them in, but Tumblr made a change to the way drafts are dated and it kept throwing off my system. My inability to remember when my queued things would post combined with my busy schedule led to some profiles being posted early and incomplete. I want to fix these.

Over a year ago, my good friend Vulpix150 helped me finalize my designs for the Aos Sí and Daoine Sith. I’ve been sitting on that art in secret for a while, and at some point I plan to post it on the sideblog and talk more about that lore.

Updating fanfics is my higher priority (and it was the priority my followers voted for when I asked you to send votes to my Ask Box a while back). So, I will usually spend my free time working on fanfics unless I need a break from them and want to work on sideblog profiles instead. Thank you for your patience!

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TL;DR

I’m posting fanfics again soon. I’m going to take a more relaxed approach to posting them. I’m going to post more of what I want to post and what I feel motivated to post, not always a main ‘fic update. If I’m not “feeling it” when working on a draft, then I’ll set it aside for a while unless I know my followers and readers have high interest in the next chapter of that story. I always write for me first, but if I know there are other people who care a lot about a story, then of course I want to write it for you too!

I’m going to embrace my decade-long love for WordGirl and post more ‘fics and art or this fandom. I’ve always been a little shy about doing this, but I’m ready to make it an official fandom on my main blog (unless there are lots of requests for WordGirl things to be contained in their own sideblog). I will be posting the first chapter for a ‘fic called Factor It In very soon. Love my easily frustrated alien kiddos having a long day.

I am working on Creature-Crossing stuff too, and will be especially busy in November and December. Updates will be slow for a few months, but I hope to find my groove and a good pace soon.

Each Friday, I will post either a fanfic update or a mention of what I am working on. I will be checking in on Tumblr regularly. Feel free to talk! I much prefer you send messages to my Ask Box, not my private messenger, please <3

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Is there a specific story of mine you like and want more updates for?

Asks and reviews help me know which ‘fics people are enjoying. I plan to keep writing ‘fics no matter what, but I definitely give more time to the ‘fics that get more attention (and I have been spending so much time writing for Creature-Crossing because that’s where the attention was coming from)

It’s easy to stay motivated and get the next part of a story out soon if I know that people like it. It’s always harder if you feel like people are silently judging you and ignoring your posts. So, let me know what you’re interested in. And if you only leave Likes or Favorites instead of asks and reviews, that’s okay too! Thank you for interacting anyway and enjoying my work.

Thanks for reading!

#WordGirl #Factor It In #Kid Math #FAIRIES!#ridlife #riddleverse mention #ridwriting #Mushrooms and more #Satirical vocab alien child show #Frayed Knots #130 Prompts #Origin of the Pixies #Pink and Gray #Acacia Arcadia #Devil's Backbone #Hawthorn Haven #Along the Cherry Lane

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orange-meringue · 4 years

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Lost And Found Q & A

(The Q&A is here! Yeah, I’m not sure exactly how many of you ended up coming over from AO3, but I’ve decided to do the Q&A for my fic here -sorry to those of you who are uninterested in my writing life, I’ve been really invested in Lost And Found lately.

The first question was submitted here on Tumblr, and the rest are all from AO3. I hope you’re satisfied with my answers, and if you have any more questions after this or just want some elaboration, please feel free to ask! I’ll add them on in a reblog!

Anyway, enjoy! I’ll put everything beneath the cut)

How does Donnie adjust to physical touch/affection in the future?

-Donnie is definitely touch-starved. No way around it. As mentioned in the fic, Draxum, Huginn, and Muninn never really gave him more than a few one-sided hugs, fist-bumps or handshakes. He’d never been fully hugged or held until he met his brothers, and it’s still very weird and new to him. But obviously his brothers (as well as April and Splinter, once you get to know them) are pretty touchy, but a few of them are better at picking up on Donnie’s thing with touch than others. Overtime I feel like they would be able to get him more and more acquainted with things like casual hugs and friendly touch, and the more he gets used to these things, the less they startle him every time. Though I do imagine he has a few relapses in the future (which I do plan to write about) where touch goes back to being startling and scary, and it takes him a day or so to warm back up to it. Mostly good things, though! Donnie truly does love the familial affection, though he’s not likely to admit it

When did the boys prepare Donnie’s room?

I imagine they made his room during the last chapter, after Splinter’s apology and after April and Mayhem left, when everyone began to split up to do their own things. The timeline is a little questionable, but I like to think they had a good hour in there, and most of the materials were already there and ready -the room was likely empty, too, and was acting as some sort of storage room that they never knew what to do with. I tried to make it obvious that they’d been pressed for time and hadn’t been able to do much, hence the hastily made bed frame and why there were only two other pieces of furniture

Will Donnie ever feel comfortable enough to remove his tech around the lair in the future?

I feel that, much like canon Donnie, wearing his tech is a bit of a habitual thing. He doesn’t really see a reason to take it off, even if he’s technically safe in the lair, especially because it was ingrained in him via Draxum that his tech is everything keeping him safe. His tech is his armor and his safety blanket, and even if he knows, logically, he’s not going to be ambushed in the middle of the lair, it’s hard to take it off. Eventually, though, I feel like his brothers help with that. At one point Raph probably starts trying to train him to build strength and muscle on his own so he doesn’t have to rely on his limb clamps, and, as Donnie gets more comfortable with his brothers, he starts feeling relaxed enough to remove his battle shell when lounging around with them

Would Splinter try to bond with Donnie and attempt to form a better connection with him?

Splinter really does love his son and wants to spend time with him! But...uh...as of the story’s ending...he doesn’t know very much about him. He knows he was raised by Draxum to be a soldier and is very good with technology, but other than that...next to nothing. But it’s a great motivator! Splinter 100% wants to know Donnie as well as he knows his other boys, so he pulls out every stop to try and bond with him, making sure not to rush him despite his curiosity and family-oriented nature, because Donnie is currently pretty skeptical of adults (even Splinter) for...obvious reasons. But he wants to get to know Splinter, too, and, yeah, he’s willing to sit through his 5+ hour Lou Jitsu monologues to let that happen

How does Donnie feel about the boys’ future plans to capture oozesquitos and sabotage Draxum? Does he still have conflicted feelings about humans?

After the initial adrenaline and shock of everything subsides, I feel like it was Donnie’s idea to go after the oozesquitos. He probably wakes up in a cold sweat one night remembering oh yeah, Draxum and I unleashed a swarm of carrier bugs upon New York that are set on turning people into mutants and immediately feels the need to remedy his past mistake. So he builds a device to track the oozesquitos, which leads the boys to Big Mama’s hotel, and the rest is history (though slightly different than it was in canon, considering Donnie’s knowledge of Big Mama’s schemes and the Battle Nexus). But in terms of Draxum, Donnie would definitely be far more hesitant about trying to sabotage him. Donnie is still afraid of Draxum, after all -a small part of him feels like everything with his brothers is only temporary, and eventually he’s going to be stuck with Draxum again, and the further on his bad side he gets now, the worse it’s going to be when that does happen. He never directly challenges or fights Draxum whenever they run into him, and if there’s a way to avoid clashing with him altogether, he’ll take it

As for humans, Donnie’s definitely still conflicted about them. It’s been ingrained in him his whole life that humans are evil and selfish- that they forced his whole race underground and that’s the reason they now live in secrecy. And honestly, not even Splinter actually knows if that’s true. So Donnie remains skeptical, but overtime he’s able to do a lot more things around the city without fear of humans. They’re not actually that dangerous, he discovers, and maybe -just maybe- they’re alright. But there’s only one human Donnie grows to fully trust, and that’s April. In his eyes, she’s already proved her loyalty and compassion and, y’know, desire not to out him and his brothers to all of human-kind, not to mention she’s super badass and someone Donnie does not want on his bad side again. She’s a good friend, he realizes. He can definitely understand why she’s part of the family

How much does Donnie know about the Hidden City? Does he know about Big Mama and her hotel? How would the boys’ interactions with Big Mama change with this version of Donnie?

Considering he was raised with Draxum (who is apparently a well-known public figure in the Hidden City) he definitely has a fair amount of knowledge about the place, as well as a few ins and yōkai to go to when he needs something done. He’s very well-known himself, and actually has a reputation as a very intimidating soldier. He’s also well-versed in Big Mama’s tricks, because she and Draxum have done business before and she’s 100% tried to kidnap him for the Battle Nexus (emphasis on tried). Harking back to the question about Donnie’s oozesquito-capturing plan, the episode would definitely go differently with him there. It would be a great Leo and Donnie bonding episode, because neither of them trust Big Mama in the slightest, and Raph and Mikey would be far more cautious around her, though still intrigued by the concept of a mutant hotel and her apparent interest in helping them. But I think Donnie would manage to slip out with Leo before their brothers are captured, then it would be a race with a hilarious amount of arguing until they rescue Raph and Mikey, then everything would likely proceed as normal for the rest of the episode

Is Donnie jealous that April gets to attend school? What would his relationships with the Purple Dragons be like?

Donnie has no idea what school is. He’s heard mention of it in shows he’s pirated, but it isn’t until April comes to him one day complaining about her workload that he asks what she’s talking about. Once she explains it, he’s ecstatic! A place you can go to learn about math, science, history, and any other subject you could ever want? How much does it cost? ...It’s free?! He’s begging April to smuggle him in. She absolutely does not want to deal with that, but Donnie did make her a whole laptop and upgrade her phone a whole bunch, so how can she say no? She agrees to take him the next day, but it doesn’t fully occur to Donnie that the school is crowded with humans until he gets there. He’s on-edge the entire day, and it doesn’t help that he’s a weird green-skinned new kid no one’s ever seen before. I imagine it would be a great chapter for some good old fashioned Donnie and April bonding, and I’m 100% going to write it now, so anything else would be considered a spoiler

As for the Purple Dragons, I imagine their relationship wouldn’t be too different. The Purple Jacket episode would go relatively the same way, though I imagine Donnie would be a little more reluctant to actually join the Dragons, and way more irritating throughout the rest of the episode. But the plot and their feelings toward each other would likely remain the same

Does Donnie still eat bugs?

The whole thing with the bugs is basically...Draxum didn’t know what to feed Donnie as a baby, so he went to a local animal expert who recommended things like fruits, veggies, bugs, etc. So, considering that Draxum’s main priority was rebuilding his lab and he didn’t really have the resources to get food for anyone but himself (and maybe Huginn and Muninn- though they probably stuck to dumpster diving), Donnie’s appetite ended up consisting completely of typical turtle food, and only when he got older did Draxum started adding in things like nutrient bars and protein shakes, just to help him build more strength and muscle. So Donnie never really had anything else before he met his brothers, and it feels weird to him to jump straight from turtle to human food, so he slowly incorporates more of the latter into his diet overtime. He does still eat bugs, though. Splinter started getting him things like bug chips and seasoned bugs to make it less unsettling, but now he just eats those all the time and none of the others care for it. If a live bug happens to get in his way, he definitely won’t hesitate to eat it, and, yeah, sometimes it’s startling and almost made Leo throw up once, but it’s also really helpful if there’s a bug in the lair and none of the others want to deal with it. Donnie has eaten a spider before. The others just pretend it never happened

#rottmnt fic #rottmnt separated au #these were fun to write! Hope I gave you guys the answers you were looking for #special shoutout to lizwuzthere for asking literally 7/8 of the Q&A questions thank you so much alsdkfjhas #Lost And Found

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highandlowculture · 4 years

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MEET THE NEW WEST, SAME AS THE OLD WEST

In the second act of Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood, washed-up actor Rick Dalton is on the set of a TV western as his stuntman and best buddy, Cliff Booth is revisiting Spahn Ranch, a former set for movie westerns. The ranch has been taken over by a bunch of hippies who follow some guy name “Charlie”. The heavy of the hippies is a fella by the name of Tex Watson. When conflict arises between Cliff and the hippies, one of the girls runs off to fetch Tex, who’s busy showing a tourist couple around the ranch. Hearing that there’s trouble brewing, Tex snaps to it, galloping across the western landscape on horseback and wearing a black hat. It’s a sweeping shot straight out of a John Ford film. That’s when it clicked for me…

Tarantino has made his third western.

Although there were always spaghetti western elements in his films (especially in Kill Bill vol. 2), QT hadn’t made a full-fledged western until 2012’s Django Unchained. Though entertaining and with an African-American lead, the film is his most straight-forward movie. We know who the heroes are, we know who the villains are. Wrongs are righted with a six-shooter and a hero’s grin. Its followup was another western, 2015‘s The Hateful Eight, a much darker and far less heroic film. All of the characters are flawed if not outrightly fucked-up. If Django Unchained was the sumptuously shot crowd pleaser, The Hateful Eight was the claustrophobic, nihilistic reversal. The western myth of heroes and villains is subverted by an unsavory group of characters who drag each other through snow, blood and racial slurs. Maybe the Old West was a pretty rough place to live in after all!

And now, in 2019, QT transports us to another Old West: 1969 Hollywood.

Fifty years ago. Half a century. Pretty old, right?

Already contentious with reviewers, one of the main debates surrounding Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood is its handling of Sharon Tate and the Manson Family. In the summer of ’69, when Tate, her unborn baby and her houseguests were brutally murdered by three members of the Manson Family, it sent shockwaves throughout Hollywood and America. The utopian dream of the 1960s was over. That’s the sanitized, less complicated history anyway. At the time many people were blaming satanism and Tate’s husband Roman Polanski for his hedonistic ways. Plus anyone deep in the trenches of late 60s hipdom knew that some of the peace-and-love spouting Flower Children might be psychopaths that could turn on a dime. Such darkness was foreshadowed in the music of The Doors and Velvet Underground. As Joan Didion recalled in her seminal work The White Album:

“Black masses were imagined, and bad trips blamed. I remembered all of the day’s misinformation very clearly, and I also remember this, and wish I did not: I remember that no one was surprised.”

Knowing this I find it disappointing just how many reviewers fail to see how sympathetic QT is to Sharon and her friends. They’re shown as cool people with a good vibe (only Roman is shown to be prickish when he speaks rudely to a dog). Sharon and Jay Sebring like to listen to records and enjoy life. No satanism. No orgies. And Sharon’s a generous person. She picks up hippie hitchhikers and buys her husband a Thomas Hardy novel. She relishes the communal experience of watching herself in the Dean Martin film The Wrecking Crew. It’s not just about her. She’s enjoying the connection she’s making with the theater’s audience. On the infamous August night, the film’s narrator talks about how Sharon, in the late stage of her pregnancy, was feeling hot and anxious. In short, Sharon is humanized. She’s a thoughtful, spirited and benevolent presence throughout the film. I think reviewers who view her just as “a Barbie doll” are revealing more of their own lack of empathy than QT’s. And people getting hung-up on how many lines her character speaks have some skewed priorities. As if the only way a person has worth is if they talk a lot. Talking. Talking. Talking. There are so many empty vessels running at the mouth these days. Social media voices bombard us constantly. There’s something to be said for some quiet dignity every once in awhile. Regardless, Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood isn’t Sharon’s film and it’s not a biopic. It’s Rick and Cliff’s film and it’s a western.

If comedy is “tragedy plus time”, then the same can be said for any work of art. The mythology of the Old West often mixed historical and fictional characters. Whether they were Billy The Kid, Wyatt Earp or Butch Cassidy, we’ve seen countless retellings of their exploits, never exactly the same, never entirely accurate. That’s what makes it a myth. A good portion is made-up. Going back to Homeric and Arthurian legends, the foundation of storytelling has always been a collision of fact and fiction, chronicle and embellishment. People make too much of QT altering historic events. Are the Nazis of Inglourious Basterds and the Manson Family of Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood any different than any other mythical villains of earlier works of art? If a filmmaker can’t riff on a fifty-year-old historical event, then what are we really doing here? Do we just want the cinema of Marvel Comics and discreet biopics? QT doesn’t treat history any different than the filmmakers of the 1960s treated the events of the 1860s. Tex Watson, galloping away in his black hat, is a signpost for this. It’s QT’s way of saying: “Every time has its myths, every time has its black hats and white hats”. And the Manson Family, filled with bloodlust and megalomania from the top down, fulfill the role of black-hatted villains quite perfectly.

Does this make Rick and Cliff, two middle-aged white guys who love booze and hate hippies, our white-hatted heroes? Hell, no. With the exception of Django Unchained, that was never QT’s bag. He’s all about the anti heroes of spaghetti westerns and Sam Peckinpah films. Men who have done plenty of bad, sometimes unspeakable, things. They’re only the hero because they wrestle with their past and because there’s always a meaner, badder fella waiting to shoot it out with ‘em. Clint Eastwood’s character in the The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is only “Good” because Lee Van Cleef is so clearly “Bad” (and Eli Wallach “Ugly”). In 1992’s The Unforgiven, Eastwood’s character talks of killing “women and children” in his past. Yet he’s still clearly our hero. The Old West is a morally complex time in which one’s heroism is often defined by a greater and competing villainy.

So when it’s revealed that Cliff possibly murdered his wife and got away with it, he’s stepping into the role of anti hero with a dark past. Is Cliff haunted by his past? Not seemingly. He’s more inclined to shrug it off with a smirk and swig of beer. Shit happens y’know. This makes him exactly the type of guy murderous hippies shouldn’t fuck with. They justify their bloodlust with a self-serving philosophical bent: Entertainers taught them to kill via TV and movies, so it’s okay to kill the people who are involved in making TV and movies. QT makes the bold and provocative choice to not confirm whether Cliff did or didn’t kill his wife, but if he did, he probably wouldn’t dress it up as anything other than a burst of brutish violence that he was lucky to get away with. He loves his dog though, and he’s a good friend. In real life that might not justify liking the guy, but in a western that’s usually enough. Ultimately these character choices made by QT are to set up a mythic showdown between Cliff and the Manson Family. He’s good because they’re bad. It’s the same reason Cliff was shown going head-to-head with Bruce Lee. Masked racism by QT, a known lover of Asian and martial arts films, or a way of building up Cliff’s status to mythical proportions? There was once this ex war hero, who became a stuntman and maybe killed his wife, and he once threw Bruce Lee into a car door on the set of The Green Hornet! Cliff is Paul Bunyan. He’s Bill Brasky. A folk hero for stuntmen and for his time.

And did you hear that one tale about Cliff and the Manson Family…?

Rick’s bread and butter is now guest-starring on various TV shows in which he plays the heavy and gets his ass kicked by the show’s star at the end of the episode. Rick is a boozy, bloated hot mess of a man who’s prone to crying. A lot. His first burst of tears in the film is at the Musso & Frank parking lot, after an agent gives Rick a harsh dose of reality regarding the state of his career. Cliff, always keeping his cool, gives Rick his sunglasses and says, “Don’t cry in front of the Mexicans.” Remember — this is a western. Anyway, if Cliff fills the role of macho, gives no fucks, murderous outlaw, Rick is the contrasting “modern man” or, to use a western term, “tenderfoot”. The film begins with a behind the scenes segment for Rick’s old show Bounty Law. In it an interviewer talks to Rick and Cliff about what a stuntman does. During the interview there’s a quip about Cliff carrying Rick’s load. So right out of the gate, QT brings our attention to the idea that Cliff is the real deal and Rick’s the actor playing a role. This notion is repeated throughout the film (even one of the Manson Girls, “Pussy”, makes reference to Cliff being more authentic because he’s a stuntman rather than an actor). Regardless of whether Cliff murdered his wife or not, he’s an ex military man and war hero, so obviously he’s killed people before. So in addition to taking falls and performing dangerous stunts for Rick, he’s more of a bona fide western anti hero than Rick ever could be. Fittingly, while Cliff and the Manson Family black hats are sizing each other up at Spahn Ranch, Rick is busy acting in a TV western. And Rick keeps crying. A lot. He even cries in front of a little girl who simultaneously coddles and reprimands him. No doubt, Cliff would view this as potentially worse than crying in front of Mexicans. But Rick can’t help himself. He’s both a man of his time and out of time. He can’t roll with the hippies and spaghetti westerns but he’d never last a day in Cliff’s shoes let alone the wild frontier. Even at the end, in which Rick finally gets the chance to become an avenging hero (involving possibly the greatest payoff in cinematic history) if one steps back and thinks of the climactic set-piece, Rick is merely stepping in at the end to grab all the glory after Cliff and his wonderful dog Brandy did most of the heavy lifting. Thus Cliff is yet again carrying Rick’s load.

But this doesn’t mean Rick doesn’t have a victory. He does. It just comes at the midpoint, and it’s the closest thing to a real-life victory in the film. When Rick shows up to play the heavy in the TV western, he’s reached his low-point. Like a different part of the anatomy going into ice-water in Raging Bull, Rick is submerging his face into ice-water in his trailer, struggling with a hangover and hopelessness. Making matters worse, the artsy director shows up and tells Rick he wants him to play a hippie-style outlaw with a fringe jacket, mustache and long hair. The only thing Rick does more than drink and cry is insult hippies. He’s living his worst nightmare as an actor. QT makes another one of his most interesting choices by showing the subsequent scenes from the TV show in the same film stock and style as the main narrative. Thus when juxtaposed to Cliff at Spahn Ranch, Rick’s battle with his growing irrelevance as an actor is given the same cinematic weight. This isn’t just a TV show within the movie — it is the movie! This battle or showdown is just as important as Cliff’s eventual showdown with the Manson Family. Rick struggles. He fucks up his lines. He comes totally unglued in his trailer. This looks like the end of the road for him as an actor. He eventually gets his shit together, embraces the role and goes for broke. It’s a credit to both QT as a filmmaker and Leo DiCaprio as an actor that the villain Rick plays in the TV show ends up being more intense and visceral than the one he played in the main narrative of Django Unchained. Rick’s chops as an actor are restored and he decides to go to Italy and star in spaghetti westerns. He learns to maximize his talent in order to roll with the times.

A protagonist who is at odds with changing times might seem regressive or even reactionary to some people today, but it’s also a hallmark of westerns, especially the westerns of the late 1960s and early 1970s. From Once Upon a Time in the West to Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid, an impending future of railroads and industrialization is always treated with uneasiness by the heroes. These changing times aren’t going to include them. Their wild and free ways will soon come to an end. Nowhere is this theme most prominent than in the work of Sam Peckinpah. In many of his westerns, The Wild Bunch, The Ballad of Cable Hogue, Pat Garrett and Billy the Kid, the heroes are viewed as endangered creatures who are all too aware of their fate. The character of Cable Hogue even meets his end when a motor car rolls over him. He’s killed by the modern age! Another Peckinpah film from this era, Junior Bonner, is set in 1972 Arizona but can also be considered a western (creating a template for QT’s western that’s not set in the canonical “Old West”). The protagonist and title character is an aging rodeo star (brilliantly played by Steve McQueen, who perhaps not so coincidentally also appears in QT’s film). In Peckinpah’s film, Junior has lost his edge and returns home to take a breather and maybe get his chops back. His struggle is not unlike Rick Dalton’s. They’re both aging entertainers and they both fear they’re washed-up. And as with all of Peckinpah’s westerns, encroaching progress is a threat to Junior’s simple cowboy ways. All of these above mentioned westerns are filled with a bittersweet quality; a nostalgic snapshot that’s destined to become yellow and brittle. The power of myths is they suggest immortality for our heroes.They might be long gone but they live through these tales. Whether’s it’s the Old West of outlaws in dusty little towns or the Old West of ’69 Hollywood, people once lived in these places and they lived vibrant, foolhardy and sometimes dangerous lives. Maybe they didn’t live or die exactly as the tale accounts, but they did indeed live and they did indeed die.

In his film QT references another “man out of time” western: The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean. Written by John Milius, directed by John Huston and starring Paul Newman, the film is a highly-fictionalized account of the life of Judge Roy Bean. At the climax an elderly Roy Bean reemerges from a self-imposed exile to have a showdown with businessmen who have surrounded his beloved town with oil rigs. When his enemies ask who he is, Roy Bean shouts “Justice, you sons of bitches!” This is immediately followed by a shootout in which Roy defeats his foes, blows up the surrounding oil rigs and goes out in a blaze of glory. In real life Roy Bean died in his bed after a heavy bout of drinking. What’s most interesting is how QT referenced The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean. After the climax of Once Upon A Time… In Hollywood there’s a triumphant but wistful epilogue in which one of our heroes is faced with a future that we all know is a fantasy. Over this scene is an evocative piece of music that sounds like it’s from a fairytale and it plays over the end credits. The piece of music is entitled “Miss Lillie Langtry” and it’s the main theme from The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean. Lillie Langtry was a British-American socialite Roy Bean was enamored with and he even went so far to name the saloon in his town after her. “Miss Lille Langtry” plays over the end credits of Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood and the opening credits of The Life and Times of Judge Roy Bean. But before the credits in Roy Bean we see written in storybook fashion:

“Near the turn of the last century the Pecos River marked the boundaries of civilization in western Texas. West of the Pecos there was no law, no order, and only bad men and rattlesnakes lived there.

…Maybe this isn’t the way it was… it’s the way it should be.”

With Once Upon a Time… In Hollywood, Quentin Tarantino pays homage to a socialite/actress who was tragically murdered before her time and two endangered heroes—one an outlaw stuntman, the other an entertainer—neither of who existed but men like them did. For two hours and forty-five minutes, the onward march of tragedy and time is defeated through a spirited, Old West mix of bravado and audacity. Maybe it’s not the way it was…

But it’s the way it should be.

#Quentin Tarantino #Once Upon A Time In Hollywood #western #hollywood

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softlass27 · 4 years

Note

Directors cut of One More Word and you Wont Survive 🙏

Gah, this fic is so long, but I shall try and break it down!

So the initial idea came from a brief conversation I had with @soft-husbands about how ridiculous it was that in 2018 the writers had Lachlan kidnap Rebecca (who literally no one cared about) instead of Robert, which would have been a much better storyline. Since I needed to write something for her in a gift exchange, I decided to do my own version of it!

These are the key points/main ideas that were the most important for me:

Aftermath

One thing I knew I definitely wanted to do – even before I’d really worked out the exact plot – was include a lot of the actual aftermath of the kidnapping, and really show how it mentally affected Robert (as well as Aaron). I didn’t want to write one of those fics where you just have the drama, and then maybe one scene at the end where everything’s suddenly okay again. Which, y’know, is what the Emmerdale writers tend to do. 🤷

So that’s why the fic is literally divided into two halves – the action and the aftermath. And I loved writing the second half – looking at Robert’s mental state, showing other characters’ reactions, lots of communicating between him and Aaron etc.

I didn’t want Robert to just be fine straight away, I wanted him to take some time to settle back into things again, to go to counselling and to work towards recovering from what he’d been through. I kept it mostly quite upbeat and hopeful – I couldn’t bring myself to make it too angsty – but I did have Robert struggle to come to terms with what had happened to him.

On top of that, I wanted Aaron to be his rock. The writers never really gave Aaron a chance to be the strong one in the relationship, not for longer than a couple of episodes or so, and I wish we could’ve seen it. It would’ve been great to watch, but also a nice switch for Danny and Ryan (who would’ve both smashed it!).

And of course this was an excuse for me to write lots of soft fluffy husbands content, which as you all know, is my jam.

Lachlan

So in the show, I thought the writers did a good job of building up Lachlan’s psychotic tendencies. In late 2017, he did begin to seem quite scary, you could see they were building up to him properly snapping.

But then as soon as he actually did start killing people, he became kind of… meh. They’d done all this buildup to make him as deranged as possible, but from the Whites car crash onwards, his character lost all that great creepiness and just became a bit of a wet wipe. His killing of Gerry was completely lame, his kidnapping of Rebecca was rubbish and so was the aftermath. He spent most of his time flapping about what to do and obsessing over Belle, and honestly he became one of the most boring soap villains they’ve ever done. By the time he was arrested and went to prison, they’d lost so much momentum it was kind of a pitiful ending for him.

Maybe it’s because I watch a lot of crime stuff (both true and fictional), but I just wanted more. I wanted him to be terrifying, to be unhinged and scarily cold. And it made sense to me that he would really show this side of himself by kidnapping and torturing Robert. Robert’s been his number one enemy from the beginning – he hates him more than anyone and essentially blames him for every single thing that went wrong in his life. In terms of storytelling, it only seemed right that his final showdown would be with Robert and no one else. It’s what both characters deserved.

So that’s what I wrote. I did a big final “fight to the death” between the two, and I tried to make Lachlan this cold-blooded psychopath who got off on making Robert suffer as much as possible – for as long as possible. All those years of built-up resentment finally spilled out of him and it made him totally lose the plot. But at the same time, he was able to switch that off and act completely normal when he was with Belle. I tried to show this in a few scenes, like including a moment where he told Robert – his kidnapped victim – he had to go because Belle was expecting him to go for breakfast with her family.

I really enjoyed doing it, but at the same time I was terrified that the way I was writing him would seem ridiculous, like he’d come off as a bit of a silly pantomime villain. It seems to have paid off though, judging by peoples’ reactions, so I’m quite happy with how my Lachlan turned out :)

Chas/Paddy/Liv

I knew from the beginning that Chas, Paddy and Liv would all be on the “wrong” side of the story, so to speak. They’d be the sort of “lesser” villains, the ones causing conflict on Aaron’s end and in the second half of the story.

On the show, I never really believed that any of them actually accepted Robert as family after reunion 2.0, to me it seemed like Chaddy were just civil with him as long as he made Aaron happy. And I never bought into the whole “roblivion” concept during boyfriends era, so I was even less convinced of it in husbands era. I always found it shallow and fake on Liv’s end.

This was pretty much proved right by Chas, Paddy and Liv’s behaviour during the aftermath of Robert’s exit – all three of them showed their true colours and their true feelings about him very quickly.

Considering every time things got rough for Robron on the show, Chaddy and Liv either turned on Robert or just acted like he never existed/meant anything and actively tried to push Aaron to “grow up” and move on from him, it made perfect sense to me to have them suspect the worst of Robert in my story. To assume that him disappearing meant that he’d done something wrong, rather than he was in trouble.

(Fun fact: the scene where Robert has that big showdown with Chaddy in the pub was actually one of the first ones I wrote. Ah, priorities.)

I wanted Aaron to be strong, to never doubt that Robert was in trouble and to unapologetically stick by him in the aftermath. I wanted him to stand up to Chaddy and to put Robert before Liv for once (judging by quite a few comments that I got, lots of other people did too, so I’m glad I went for it!). I also wanted him to make it very clear that his main family unit – his priority – was Robert and Seb, not the Dingles’ feelings. Anyone who disagreed with him could fuck right off as far as he was concerned.

By the end of the story, Aaron has very much allied himself with the Sugden family, that’s why we saw lots of him with Diane and Vic. I really wanted to call back to the “Who Shot Robert” era, where they both stepped up and rallied around Robert 100%, only this time with the bonus of Aaron being on their side, too.

Rebecca/Ross/Seb

I mean… this is quite self-explanatory, but I knew from the beginning that Rebecca would die and Ross would end up going to Liverpool miserable and alone. No happy ending for either of them because they didn’t fucking deserve it.

And of course, this would mean that Seb would stay with his dads where he belongs. I will never get tired to coming up with new ways for this to happen (just you wait for Aaron week).

The ending

Since I was writing this fic for the engagement anniversary gift exchange, I thought it’d be fun to include an actual engagement at the end of it. I hadn’t necessarily planned to make it another lay-by proposal, but when I looked at my story timeline (yes, I did make an actual timeline lmao) and I realised that the 4th December wasn’t very far away, I knew I HAD to get them back to that spot. It was only right!

So I’m probably in the minority here, but I’m not actually a huge fan of proposal 2.0. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nice and super cute, but the whole “trying to propose to each other at the same time” gimmick just wasn’t really for me. I thought it was a bit unrealistic that they’d both separately just randomly come up with the same idea at the same time (I know, I’m sorry). And since we’d already had Robert do it the first time, I kind of wanted the second one to be totally Aaron’s thing, let him have a proper turn.

So I took elements of proposal 2.0 that I liked – the location, some of the dialogue – and took out the bits that I didn’t – Robert trying to propose, Aaron’s funfair lie (I’m sorry but that was just dumb), the jinx thing, other people (Chaddy and Liv) being so involved. Thereby creating my own perfect version of proposal 2.0 (what can I say, I am a self-indulgent girl).

I think in this universe, after everything they’d been through, after Aaron’s terror of losing Robert for good, it seemed right that he would be the one to do the asking. And because we know he’s a sentimental sod, it made sense that he would wait until their lay-by anniversary to do it.

#omg i'm sorry this is so long #i think i've covered the main things #but if anyone wants me to expand/mention something else #go for it!#my writing #lauren rambles #robandaaronsoulmates

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shawnsorangeglasses · 4 years

Text

Better Conversations - Part 8

3.7k words

Look who finally decided to post!

Synopsis: Another assistant AU, you’ve known Shawn since the beginning but you don’t really become friends until a label party in New York. Then he offers you a job as his assistant.

Some after show tension occurs.

warnings: mild woes

...

Six hours until showtime. It is all hands on deck for everyone in the stage crew. Busy bodies move about the arena, putting together final touches for tonight’s performance. The tour is a little over thirty shows in. Since joining in the middle of it all, (Y/N) is finally starting to get the hang of things. Andrew made it clear that Shawn was her only priority, but with the new extra hours in the day, she tries to do for anyone on the team whenever she can.

She’s coming back from a local deli in the area with three paper bags full of food for Shawn and the band. Sandwiches for the band and salad for Shawn. A singer’s diet, though sometimes he’d cheat and get a small something dairy or doughy. They hardly ever request anything for lunch, but she always picked up something for them anyways, knowing they wouldn’t eat until much later.

As she walked down the sidewalk, she took note of the growing line of bubbly fans waiting out front. Every single one of them looked so sweet and pretty. A few girls wave to her as she passes by and she waves back.

After some time, she became closer and more at ease with the Mendes Army. A majority of them demanded that she make an account on Instagram to see her and Shawn interacting behind the scenes. Eventually, (Y/N) caved and made one separate from her personal profile one after about three days of them pushing Shawn about it. The account gained 100,000 followers in roughly two hours.

She cut through the alley to find the back door that leads to the main stage. It was really interesting to see the crew slowly build the set from the ground up every night. Earlier in the day, the sounds of metal barriers clanging and loud machinery filled the arena from top to bottom, but now it was mostly quiet aside from the well-practiced sound check from the band. Shawn and the guys were onstage doing last minute rehearsals. (Y/N) jogged across the general admissions floor, squeezing through the barrier to meet them stage left.

She hoisted the bags up onto the stage, peering over in silence as the guys practiced. Shawn was sat on the edge of the stage next to one of the larger amps, kicking his boots to the beat Mike was drumming. (Y/N) could tell from the baby blue guitar on his lap that they were running through “Nervous” again.

The musicians drop everything and run over to her in a huddle to claim their food. “I got you guys the fresh stuff. Fruit salads and some sub sandwiches.”

“Thank you, (Y/N)!”

“Yeah, thanks (Y/N).”

They each disperse to their own little corners. Shawn is still hunched over his guitar testing chords. (Y/N) saunters over to him, jostling a separate bag near his feet. “No tomatoes this time, Mendes,” she sings.

Shawn snaps back into reality again. The first thing he sees is (Y/N)’s proud, squinty smile. Last time she brought him a salad with the tiny tomatoes in it and he still hasn’t forgiven her completely. It’s become an inside joke for them.

He crosses his arms at her, giving a new definition to the muscle shirt he was sporting. “You sure there’s no tomatoes?”

“I’m absolutely positive. I checked six times on the walk back here. It's like 50% avocado.”

He slides his guitar safely behind himself and holds his hand out to her. (Y/N) takes secure hold of his wrist as her hauls her up on the stage with him in one swift motion. She watches intently as Shawn empties the contents of the paper bag. He briefly bumps his head into her shoulder, giving (Y/N)’s hand access to the tufts of hair falling on his forehead.

“Y’know, you don’t have to get us lunch if we don’t order anything,” he reiterates. “It only comes out of your pocket then.”

“I know, I know, but you guys workout in the morning and then keep moving, so you should all eat something. Besides,” she pinches his cheek, “you’re still a growing boy.”

“You sound like a mom.” Before he takes a bite, he asks, “What’re you going to eat?”

“Oh I filled up on free samples at the deli.” (Y/N) pats her belly. “I should be good until dinnertime.”

“Nice,” Shawn chuckles.

(Y/N) looks past his shoulder at all the guys chatting over their meals near center stage. “Don’t you want to eat with the other boys?”

“Ah, I’ve been around them all day. I haven’t seen you at all.”

(Y/N) refrains letting that last part go to her head. He didn’t mean it like that, even if a teensy part of her wishes he did.

“Well there’s always the time in hotels.”

Oddly enough, most of their hours were spent apart now. Shawn was either hard at work with the band and writers or catching up on sleep. (Y/N) often had errands to run when she wasn’t tending to Shawn. Even on the tour bus and flights, he needed those hours to rest.

Time in the hotels was the saving grace of this whole journey, Shawn always unabashedly requested to have the room next door to (Y/N) now. “For proximity purposes” he claimed, so that he might have her nearby in case he needs something. And although it may have started out that way, it quickly turned into late night talks and occasionally eating whatever singer-safe snacks (Y/N) could buy from local stores. It became their own little tradition.

“That reminds me,” Shawn says through a mouthful of sandwich, “what are we doing tonight?”

“Whatever you want to do,” (Y/N) mutters. She wasn’t really paying attention. Cez just sent her a text about the next flight details. She sort of zones out looking at the emails. Words become letters. Letters become squiggles. It’s hard to concentrate since the brush with Jason a few weeks ago. She was used to his empty threats but that was when she had leverage. Now she has nothing to hold him, not even shame.

Then Shawn nudges her elbow, but she hardly looks away from her phone.

“Huh?”

“We’re doing dinner later this evening. I know you don’t normally join but- hey are you okay? You look really pale.”

(Y/N) takes her time to meet his eyes. They appear to transition to a darker, more intimidating shade of brown. Her stomach does four backflips.

“Yeah just thinking. You know, assistant stuff. Listen, I gotta go.”

“Oh. Already?”

(Y\N) gets to her feet and dusts off the seat of her pants. “Yes, already. Is there anything else I can do for you before I go help set up the Q&A, sir?”

Shawn wags a finger at her. “What did I say about the ‘sir’ thing?”

“Sorry. Force of habit.”

He gets up too, wearing a smile so bright it’s blinding. A bright red blush tears through the pigment in his cheeks. He just wanted to keep talking to her as long as he could, waste no time. Unfortunately, he ends up thinking of the most basic question of all. “Thanks for the sandwich.”

She shrugs. “Just doing my job.”

...

Parents and young adults filed into the room, filling it with conversational buzz. (Y/N) peeked through a slit in the curtain at the little community that gathered there. One group of girls in the very front started singing “Never Be Alone”, prompting everyone else to join in. It was amazing to see the love and devotion among so many different looking people.

(Y/N) goes to collect Shawn from the green room. The clock on her phone read about ten minutes before he had to go greet everyone again. He’s in the middle of pulling up his jeans when she walks in.

“Oh you’re- I am so sorry.” She turns around and brings her hand over her eyes. Blood furiously rushes to her cheeks and ears.

“No no, you’re fine, come on in. Sorry, I’m almost done.”

She steps in with caution and focuses on the upbeat country track faintly pouring from Shawn’s phone. Travelling so closely together, (Y/N) was bound to see a few people at their less than decent. With Shawn though, it was starting to feel like he was doing this on purpose or just stopped caring altogether. She had no choice but to get comfortable with him.

“God, Shawn. Maybe put a sign outside next time so I know you’re naked.”

“I am not naked.” He glances at her. She’s propped herself against an end table, still shielding her eyes. “Geez, you act like you’ve never seen me in my underwear.”

“Don’t say underwear to me.”

“Would it help if I sang it?”

“No it would not-”

“Underwear,” he riffs. “Underwe-e-ear, yeah.”

“You’re so annoying,” she chuckles nervously with a slight shake of her head. He beams, proud of himself for yet again finding a new way to gently embarrass (Y/N).

He’s referring to the time she accidentally walked on Shawn in his dressing room. It was weeks ago, early on in a completely different city, but it was also burned into the back of her brain. That definitely broke some of the initial ice between them.

(Y/N) chooses the brick wall as something else to focus on. She hears his footsteps getting closer. Out of her peripheral, she can see Shawn’s shirt is still very unbuttoned and his chest is very exposed. He’s almost closed the space between them, leaving only a few inches of air between their bodies.

“You’re standing in front of my cologne,” he mutters.

“Oh.”

(Y/N) side steps out of his way. Shawn takes the bottle and sprays his neck and wrists, not once taking his eyes off of her. That is until he has to return to the other side of the room to button up his shirt. He leaves a couple buttons free at the top like always, then pays special attention to her reflection in the glass, holding his arms out. “How do I look?”

(Y/N) looks over at Shawn. He’s looking at her through the full length mirror mounted on the wall. She rolls her eyes.

“You know how you look.”

Shawn peers at her reflection, then bites his lip. (Y/N) pinches her wrists behind her back.

“Except for one thing,” she says. She takes notice of his lopsided collar and quickly adjusts it for him. Shawn’s breath hitches just barely. His hands are idle at his waist, not really doing anything, but clearly so desperately wanting to touch her. (Y/N) actively pretends to not notice the effect she seems to have on him.

But Shawn captures (Y/N)’s hand in his right before she pulls off, resting it on his shoulder. The fabric is hot underneath her palm. His whole body has become a furnace. He’s about to say something bold. Or stupid.

“(Y/N) I-”

A knock at the door propels Shawn and (Y/N) away from each other. Cez appears in the doorway.

“Oh you’re both in here,” he says with a playful smile. “You ready, Shawn?”

“Y-yeah,” Shawn makes a few more unnecessary tucks of shirt into his jeans. He turns back to (Y/N), “D’you want to come watch?”

“Uhm, I’ll be behind the curtain. I can see everything from there.”

Shawn understood, but he couldn’t help but feel a little dejected. (Y/N) tugs at his shirt around the waistline to loosen the fit again right before he goes out. “I’ll be right behind you, I promise,” she assures him. “If you need anything I will bring it to you.”

"Anything?"

"Right, almost anything."

Shawn smirks. "Just checking," he purrs.

They venture down the hall to the common area that was built in less than an hour. (Y/N) stops just short of where the dimly lit hallway ends and a room full of people begins. Screams and cheers replaced the chatter the minute Shawn set foot in the room. He can barely be heard greeting them over all the excitement. (Y/N) peeks through a sliver in the curtain.

“Before we start,” he begins. “What am I calling this city tonight?”

The room erupts again with all sorts of answers. Shawn singles out one girl in the front and everyone agrees.

“Okay then, um just one thing, if someone’s asking a question please don’t speak over them and speak loud so I can hear you. This is a big group today. Other than that, go crazy.”

Hands go up instantly. Shawn chooses from the back then from the left middle. On and on this goes for a few minutes and the fans ask the usual questions, fun or otherwise. (Y/N) allows herself to relax. Her mind just goes elsewhere.

She’s imagining the last day of the tour, sad as it makes her. Will she still be an assistant when it’s all over? What will have changed by then? She looks at nothing in particular down the makeshift hallway the team has made in the arena. Connor's messing with his camera settings. Cez is talking to a lighting tech. And like she always does in her free time, she zones out.

“Where’s (Y/N) right now?”

The voice, though small, came with a level of conviction that could only be from a small child. That was the demographic of (Y/N)'s fans. They liked seeing her on the street. She's even received a few drawings in past weeks.

Shawn wrestles with himself to give a straight answer. Then he makes the mistake of looking back at the curtain. People start to become restless.

“Guys, guys, I’m sure she’s busy right now. I don’t want to bother her.”

“I’m not that busy,” (Y/N) blurts impulsively, much louder than she meant to. Everyone erupts in chatter. She looks back at Connor, who has the camera aimed at her now. He was getting a shot between slit in the curtain but now the focus has shifted. She peeks her head out at all the fans and Shawn. A collective gasp captures them and they begin waving so she waves back. All the bright happy faces are reassuring enough.

“Do you want to come out,” Shawn whispers as quietly as he can. A few girls in the front overhear and squeak.

She widens her eyes at him. He knew what she was saying. You really want me to come out here? And the answer was a resounding yes, as indicated by a brisk wave of his hand. (Y/N) peeks her head out and all but recoils at the enthusiastic and sudden attention she receives. Then it all died down just as it quickly came.

“Hi, (Y/N),” says the same little voice that asked for her. Everyone in the aws.

“Hello,” she replies. “I remember seeing a few of you outside in the line. Sorry to interrupt.”

“She actually bought everyone lunch today during rehearsal even though I told her she doesn’t have to,” Shawn adds. Someone in the back goes “whoop” and the whole room is brimming with laughter and applause again.

“Okay I better go,” (Y/N) says immediately. “That’s enough fun for me.” She slips behind the curtain again, waving behind her as a few more people say goodbye.

Connor's snapping his viewfinder back into place behind her. He shares a look with her that can only be that

"Can I use any of that?"

"Sure, dude. It's your footage."

She says so each and every time he asks. Connor always made very sure to protect (Y/N)'s privacy when it came to recording her. If she was in the background of any video, he'd make sure to ask. It's what made him a great videographer.

He scurries away to whatever room holds his editing equipment. (Y/N) slides down to the floor, resting back on her heels so she can still see through the partition. Shawn's still somewhat rambling about her to his fans. It's interesting to hear what she is to him through his eyes. Often times she leaves the Q&A as soon as it's been set up. Under these special circumstances, she stays a while, hoping to learn something new.

…

It's evening. The hotel room is the neat chaos (Y/N) left it when she comes back. She learned several cities back never to spread out too much in these rooms after leaving a few chargers in the walls and drinks in the mini fridges.

"We'll go back and get it," Shawn said the first time it happened. "Can we turn around," he politely asked the driver.

"I'll answer that, no we will not," (Y/N) said firmly. "It's like two little bottles of kombucha. I'll live Shawn." It was never mentioned again.

He was always going out of his way for her. Everybody found it endearing, but (Y/N) didn't want him doing any special favors for her. Their relationship was special enough without grand gestures.

She fishes her planner out of the messenger bag on her bed to go over the next week at the hotel desk. Her sister's birthday is today. (Y/N) checks the timezone on her phone. There was still time to call.

The line rings for a while then cuts into an excited voice.

"Hey girl! Mom was wondering when you'd call. She's sleeping now."

(Y/N)'s heart drops to her stomach. "Bea I'm so sorry, I haven't said happy birthday to you all day. I feel awful."

"Aw you know I don't care about that shit. But bitch, Mom made this cake, you are missing out. I'm trying to save you some."

"I don't know if that slice will be edible by the time I get back, but thanks for the effort."

"You know I'm looking out for you around here." Bea sighs. "Girl I wish you were here. It's boring as hell with no one to tell my jokes. Or argue with."

(Y/N) smiles to herself. Bea always got bored by herself. They were lucky to grow up close in grade school, so they always had a playmate at recess or someone to talk to at lunch.

"What're you up to?"

"Same thing I was up to yesterday. Watching these Game of Thrones episodes."

"Did you make another fake HBO account?"

"Yep, but honestly a week is not enough for a free trial. Netflix gives you a whole month."

She goes on about her other temporary subscriptions. A knock comes at her door, the one joining her room to Shawn's.

"Hold that thought Bea. I think Shawn is going to ask me to come to dinner again."

"He what now?"

She swings the door open. "Not that kind, dumbass."

Shawn smirks at the little nickname, knowing right away it wasn't meant for him. Sure enough, he's dressed to go out.

"Your sister," he whispers. (Y/N) nods. "Hi Beatrice."

"Hi Shawn! I swear, only that man can make my full name sound good. Bitch, if you don't want him, I will gladly have some."

"I have never been more glad that he can't hear you," (Y/N) mutters. Shawn smiles downwards. He's only talked to Bea once before, so he can definitely imagine what she's saying.

"You're selfish, is what you are. The man clearly wants you and you're being your usual self."

"I'm ignoring you." (Y/N) directs her attention to Shawn's hopeful face. He’s propped himself against the door frame too, hands in his pockets. Between her waiting on his question, and him waiting for her to say no was a deafening silence.

"I know what you're going to ask,” she starts. “You know how I'll respond."

"Well in that case, I’m not going either," he says, undoing some buttons.

"He said what?!"

"I'm going to hang up on you," (Y/N) warns. She leans on the door frame as he sheds his shirt and shoes. "Shawn, you don't have to stay for me."

"I'm not," he says calmly. "Honestly, I’m doing this for me."

"If you don't let that man love you right now, idiot sister of mine-"

"Bea, I'll call you later. Happy Birthday."

(Y/N) taps the end call button. One last text comes through, almost too vulgar to read, so she shuts her phone off before Shawn can see it. He’s milling around his room, looking for comfortable clothes among the scattered ones.

“Shawn you don’t have to stay here on my account.”

“Well I’m not going to have any fun without you there.”

Shawn pulls his undershirt off over his head. Muscles in his back flex and relax as his arms go up and down. (Y/N) clears her throat, to which he doesn’t react. Tour life has made him so comfortable with clothing changes, he doesn’t always think twice with another person in the room. At the very least, he warns somebody when his pants are about to come off.

“That’s really unfair to everyone else, isn’t it?”

“Not in that way. I mean I’ll just be there the whole time wondering why-”

He stops himself short, ending with a mumble.

(Y/N) crosses her arms. “If this is your way of guilt tripping me or tricking me into saying yes-”

“It’s not,” he says, almost in a corrective way. “I wouldn’t do that to you. Don’t you know that?”

She doesn’t. She wasn’t sure of anything at all when it came to her employer’s intentions. People often cross you because that’s the nature of the business. Trust wasn’t something she gave so easily to someone with that much power over her. Normally, (Y/N) knew when to leave a job that no longer suited her, but Shawn has yet to give her a reason to run.

Shawn picks up a white t-shirt from his suitcase and slips it on. He doesn’t normally wear a shirt to sleep, but he wanted (Y/N) to feel as comfortable as possible. Although she’d never admit it out loud, he’s noticed how she gets around him shirtless. He sits down on his bed and beckons her to sit next to him. (Y/N) takes baby steps to his bedside and sinks into the soft sheets.

“You should at least tell Cez you’re not coming,” she insists.

“I already did.” Shawn waves his phone then sets it on the nightstand. “Right now, I need to talk to you.”

...

TAGLIST:

@spider-mendes @sebsdreamboat @innositer @sauveteen @sauveteen @sinplisticshawn @sohani02 @yourkidsfavbabysitter @matchamendes @gxccicoffee @daisychains4 @nervousaroundmendes @st3p-hani3 @rulerofnocountry @darloing-shawn @learning-howto-be-myselfx3 @cheerfulmendes @imaginesofdreams @thesmutpeasant @enchantingbrowneyedgirl

#shawn mendes #shawn peter raul mendes #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes writing #shawn mendes imagine #better conversations

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bazypitchandsimonsnow · 4 years

Text

I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor

Rating: M

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 4964

Summary: Simon is on a blind date, but there’s this guy who keeps catching his attention. Based on “I’m going to save you from this bad date” request from @krisrix and “I Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor” by Arctic Monkeys.

Read on AO3

AN: Hello, I am back after a reluctant prolonged absence. My health has been in the shitter. Bad headaches, little sleep, and low energy all suck. This is M rated to be safe but there isn’t really anything explicit, just implied sex and a lot of horniness lol. Hopefully you all like it :D (Edit for Tumblr: something fucked up and deleted the read more break. I'm on my phone rn but I'll fix it when I get home. Sorry!)

———————————————

Simon

“This is a terrible idea,” I say again.

“It is not,” Penny replies, plucking lint off my shirt. “My friend says she’s really sweet and you two might get along.”

“And that matters because…?”

“Because you can’t stay cooped up at home. Time for you to go out and meet the world.” I blow air between my lips. “Don’t do your horse impression in front of her.”

I narrow my eyes. “Is setting me up on a blind date a way to vicariously fix your romantic life by fixing mine?”

“No, Mr. I Took One Psych Course.” I keep glaring at her. Penny’s shoulders fall slightly. “Okay, maybe. But I also think you two might be a good fit. So at least give it a shot, alright?”

I sigh heavily, shoving my hands in my pockets. “One drink.”

She grins brightly. “Awesome. I’ll be waiting back at the flat. Don’t stay too late.”

“I won’t. Bye, Pen.”

“Bye, Si.” She presses a kiss to my cheek then walks off smiling.

The second she’s out of sight, I slump forward with a groan. I don’t think she heard the resignation in my voice. Honestly, I really don’t want to do this. But I’m doing this for Penny, because she’s sad and I love her.

Ever since Micah broke up with her (arsehole), Penny has put the excess energy she used to waste on him into other things, including me. Guess if she can’t have a partner, she wants me to have one. Sure, I wouldn’t mind being with someone, it just hasn’t been a priority between uni and my mental health. Both are still not really great. I should be studying or something, but Pen says one night away won’t kill my GPA. She’s rarely ever wrong, hope she isn’t now. Hope this isn’t a total disaster…

I walk up to the nightclub door. It’s neon purple with a burly man at the entrance. I gulp down the lump in my throat. God, why am I so nervous? It’s just a date. This won’t kill me. I can do this. I won’t burst into flames no matter how much it feels like I will any fucking moment.

The burly man looks at me, the weirdo just standing six feet away from the door. “You going in or what, kid?”

I nod furiously. “Yeah, yeah, I am.”

He holds out his hand. “Fifteen pounds, please.”

My eyes bug out. I expect him to start laughing, but he stays stone faced. “Fifteen bloody quid?! Are you kidding me?!”

“Nope. Pay up or leave.”

I growl and pull out my wallet. I slap the bills in his hand. “Fucking rip off.”

“I don’t make the rules, mate.” He puts the money in his back pocket and lifts the black velvet rope. “Welcome to Club Violet.”

“Thanks,” I grumble. Fifteen fucking quid. What am I, the Queen?

Club Violet absolutely lives up to its name. The whole place is different shades of glowing purple. It’s like if Queen Victoria opened a royal dance club. People shake and jump in a huge sweaty clump on the main dance floor while techno pop blares around us. It’s actually a pretty good song. Wish it wasn’t so loud though. There’s metal stairs with a chrome railing leading to the upper level. I check my texts again. Okay, so she’ll be at the upper bar, wearing a shiny pink dress. Cool, cool, I can find her.

I push through some giggling dancers and a couple snogging against the wall to get to the stairs. The top level is less crowded, mostly just people talking with their heads very close together. They’re smiling, giggling, kissing. They look happy. My heart aches a bit. Huh, I actually miss that, more than I thought than I did. This might not be such a bad idea.

The bar is nestled at the back of the floor. Bartenders in posh black shirts and vests shake those silver shakers I’ve seen in Bond movies. And at the front of the bar, stirring a margarita is a blonde woman in a bright pink, sparkly dress. Okay, deep breath, you can do this.

I walk towards her, head held high. I stand next to her. She has a pretty face and golden brown eyes. Let’s hope this goes well.

“Uh, hi,” I say with only a little nervous hitch. “Agatha, right?”

She turns her head. Her mouth pulls up slightly. Not a smile, but almost, I guess. “Yeah. And you’re Simon?”

“Yeah, that’s me.”

We stand in awkward silence for awhile. My body and mouth feel utterly paralyzed with unsureness. She seems just as confused. Guess it’s been a very long time for both of us. I stumble forward onto a cushy violet stool.

“You wanna drink?” I ask.

Agatha holds up her barely empty margarita. “I think I’ll finish this one first, thank you.”

My cheeks heat up. I hope they’re not visible under the lowlight. “Uh, y-yeah, makes sense. I guess I’ll get one just for me then…”

I wave at the bartender. They walk over with an extremely fake customer service smile. “How may I help you?”

“Can I get a…um…” I look at the drinks menu. It’s filled with weird punny names with liquors I don’t know. It makes my head hurt. I slap the menu down on the counter. “Pint of Guinness, please?”

“Sure, coming up,” they say and walk off.

I turn to Agatha with a sheepish smile. “I like to keep things simple.”

“I can see that.” She takes a sip of her margarita. Her lipstick is a nice shade of soft pink. She has good taste in makeup at least.

“So, um, Pen mentioned you were in third year at University of London. What program are you doing?”

“Veterinary medicine at the royal college.”

“Oh wow, that’s cool. You wanna be a vet?”

She nods, swirling the drink in her hand. A small smile plays on her mouth for the first time. “Yeah. I hope to take care of horses.”

A small shiver runs down my spine. “Wow, um…sounds interesting.”

Her head tilts to the side in confusion. “Something wrong?”

“No, no. It sounds amazing. I just don’t have a good history with horses.” Her eyebrows pull together. “A police horse nearly trampled me when I was seven. Been a bit jittery around them ever since.”

Agatha nods thoughtfully. “Hm, I see. You probably did something to provoke the horse though, they don’t hurt people for no reason.”

My cheeks heat up, but from embarrassment unfortunately. “Oh…you’d know better than me I guess…”

Agatha takes a long sip of her drink in lieu of words. My pint of Guinness arrives on time. I take two big gulps, reveling in the distracting burn. I try to look literally anywhere else. There’s a neon purple flower on the wall. I see three people dancing together, smiling and laughing. I’m not usually a fan of dancing but they look like they’re having fun. I spot on a presumed couple sipping on the same fancy cocktail together. My eyes flick to Agatha. She’s staring straight ahead, totally uninterested in me. So y gaze keeps drifting, until it meets someone else’s. And I nearly choke on my beer.

Holy fucking shit, he’s staring at me. A gorgeous guy with reddish-gold skin, wavy black hair, and piercing grey eyes is looking right at me with a devilish smirk on his lips. He’s wearing very fitting black skinny jeans and a short sleeved dark shirt. Well, technically he’s wearing a shirt, but it’s unbuttoned all the way to his navel so I don’t know if it counts. His beautiful eyes wander over me again and again, smirk slowly growing. Why is he staring at me? What the hell makes me so interesting? Is it getting hotter in here?

“Simon?”

I snapped back to reality from the deep sea grey induced daze. “What?”

Agatha’s brow is all pulled together. I can’t tell if it’s out of confusion or concern. “Are you alright?”

“Uh, yeah, I-I’m fine.” I take another drink of my beer. “So, what else do you like?”

Agatha shrugs and goes back to looking at her drink. “I play lacrosse.”

“Yeah? Is that fun?”

“It is, until someone shoves you to the ground.”

I let out a small laugh. Agatha does the same, but quickly goes back to stirring her drink with a neutral expression. “What do you do? For fun, that is.”

“Um, some stuff…” I scratch my chin. This is harder than I thought. “I like gaming, fencing, baking, watching Dr. Who. That’s pretty much it.”

“Baking sounds fun.”

“Yeah it is!” I turn towards her with the brightest grin. “I’m learning this new technique for making scones. It makes a much lighter pastry, but it’s hard to get the same flavour, y’know? I’m trying to figure out how to compensate for that. I’ve been trying fresh ingredients, pure oils, lots of stuff. But really-”

I stop when I realise Agatha is looking at me with utter confusion. Right, not everyone understands baking science, or wants to know. I turn away from her and drink down the rest of my beer. It won’t help though. First year uni gave me quite a tolerance. I stare at the empty glass, swishing around the last bits of foam.

“So, how’s school going?” That’s a safe question, right?

“Oh it’s going fine.” Agatha replies. “There’s actually this one class I’m taking.”

She starts talking about her animal biology class. I try to listen, I really do, but my attention span is notoriously short. My eyes drift, and soon fall on raven hair.

The man isn’t staring at me anymore. He’s looking off to the side. I tilt my head slightly to the side. He’s talking to someone, a red haired man with a sly smile. They’re giggling and whispering together. My stomach feels weird. Must’ve had something bad for lunch. My eyes drag over him more carefully this time. He’s quite thin. Wait, no, not thin, lean. There’s strong muscles in his calves and upper arms, and his stomach looks very tight. I wonder how he got those. Football maybe? I could see that. Him running across the field at lightspeed, stealing the ball easily with his strong legs, flying across the field with ruthless grace. Part of me just really wants to see how he moves.

My eyes move back, only to meet Gorgeous Guy’s. Oh fuck, he’s looking right at me again. I can feel myself blush as I go rigid. His mouth pulls into that smirk again. It fits too perfectly on his sharp face, like he was designed to look so cocky and beautiful at the same time. My face feels so fucking hot right now. Damn clubs, no air conditioning.

“And that’s why you have to be very careful when treating young horses.” I refocus back on Agatha’s voice. She’s looking at me, gesturing with one and stirring the margarita with the other. I nod thoughtfully like I’m not an arsehole and I’ve been paying attention this whole time.

“That’s really cool, yeah,” I say. “You’re really into this stuff.”

“Of course, it’s my future career.”

My cheeks go redder. Between Agatha and Gorgeous Guy, I’m pretty much a tomato by now. “R-Right, course.”

We stare at each other. The awkwardness is so thick you could slice it in half. God, why am I so much worse at this than normal? My normal is pretty shit so that’s a real feat. There’s no flow or spark. I don’t think this is working at all. But I don’t know how to leave without being a total dickhead. What could I even say? “Sorry but I don’t find you interesting enough to keep talking to you, I have to go.” ’ Instead I’m silent as a statue and more awkward than a fourteen year old at a school dance.

Agatha is drinking down the last of her margherita. I look pointedly away from her. And my eyes happen drift back to the guy. He’s still with the ginger bloke. It’s hard to tell if they’re talking or dancing. Maybe it’s both. Gorgeous Guy’s thin lips are moving slowly. His hips are swaying slightly, the curves of his body showing well through the tight jeans. I’m fixated by the way he moves. It’s seamless and graceful yet so strong. He looks good dancing, even just a little. I wonder how he’d look if he was truly moving to the beat, swaying his lean body with purpose. He’s not looking at me this time. I kinda wish he would, honestly.

“I’m going to the toilet,” Agatha announces. She’s out of her seat and walking away before I can get a word out. Alright then.

I look at my glass, rolling the remaining foam back and forth. My mind is being way too chaotic for me to think straight, so I’m trying not to think at all. I just watch the white bubbles, back and forth, back and forth, just like that guy’s hips. I wonder-

“Hello,” a smooth voice says to my right. “How are you?”

I turn my head and nearly choke on my own tongue. It’s him. Gorgeous Guy. He’s standing right there, leaning against the bar with his hip cocked out, looking at me with that smirk and dazzling eyes. And I’m completely frozen.

“H-Hi,” I finally get out. “I’m, uh, fine. H-How are you?”

“I’m alright. May I ask you something?”

“Um, sure.”

“Are you on a date with the woman who just left?”

I scratch at my wrist, looking to the side in the vain hope he doesn’t see my blush. “Uh, sort of, I guess.”

The guy raises an eyebrow without moving any other part of his face. It’s very impressive. “Usually that’s a yes or no question.”

“Yeah, I know,” I chuckle awkwardly. “We’re supposed to be on a blind date, but I don’t think it’s going well.”

“Hm, yes, I assumed that when you kept staring at me over her shoulder.”

As if I wasn’t a tomato face before. I think my flush has reached the bottom of my neck. My mouth opens and closes like a stranded fish. His smirk only becomes more smug, and I find it so annoyingly attractive.

“I’m sorry,” I blurt out. “I’m sorry, that was rude a-and objectifying and I-”

“Did I say I disliked it? Remember, I made eyes at you first.” All the blood in my body rushes straight to my face. Gorgeous Guy leans closer. His long fingertips are nearly touching mine. “My name is Baz. What’s yours?”

“Simon.”

“Simon,” he echoes in his much, much sexier voice. “That’s a very pretty name.”

“T-Thanks. Your name is nice too.”

“Thank you.” Baz’s head tilts further to the side, showing off his long, graceful neck. “So, if your date is not going well, would you mind if I wanted to whisk you away from here?”

My eyes go wide and my heart starts beating double time. I’m not sure if it’s from the fear or the thrill of the idea. Do I really want that? When I look at Baz, all of him, I do. But could I do that to Agatha? Just because I’m not attracted to her doesn’t mean I should ditch her.

“Um, I-I do,” I say, “but I gotta go do something first. Wait here, please? I promise I’ll be back in a minute.”

Baz blinks rapidly. He looks like a very confused deer in the headlights.“Alright…”

With only a little fear, I reach forward and put my hand over his. He inhales sharply, and I swear, even in the lowlight, I see a blush on his face. “I just need to tell her I’m cutting the date short. I don’t wanna be a total arsehole. One minute and I’m all yours, I promise.”

That smirk comes back, but there’s something softer in his eyes. Less dagger like, more a pretty cloud on an overcast day. “Alright. One minute, I’ll hold you to that.”

I grin brightly. “Awesome.”

I squeeze his hand, and surprisingly, he squeezes back. I take one last look at him before dashing off like a madman.

I’m very lucky that in a dark club like this, the toilet signs have to be very bright to see. The woman’s toilet is on the far left of the upper deck. Not too far, but there’s a crowd of people between me and my destination. I push through the other night club goers, some wobbling, most swearing at me. Unfortunately I can’t explain to them that I need to tell my blind date that our date has to end so I can go hang out with an incredibly handsome man who for some reason is attracted to me. I’m not sure I could explain this to anyone and sound sane. I don’t care. Baz is waiting for me back at the bar. I’ll push through every one of these people to get back to him.

When I reach the toilet, I immediately spot a pink dress near the wall. Agatha is bent over her phone, blue light illuminating her pensive face. She’s typing really fast. I speed walk like a bloody madman.

“Agatha!” I call out. Her head snaps up.

“Oh, Simon,” she says, sounding far more shocked than I thought she would be.

“Hey, hey, sorry for barging up. Just, uh, we need to talk.”

“Okay…”

I scratch the back of my neck like some awkward teenager. “Um, look, I’m sorry I’m being an arsehole. You’re nice and very pretty, but I don’t think this date is working out. We’re just not…clicking, I guess. Which sucks but it’s alright. I-I just hope we can still be friends…”

Agatha blinks a few times at me. I wait for her to storm off or yell or something. Instead, she just smiles softly and nods. “Alright, yeah. I agree. I don’t think we’re a good fit as a couple.”

All of the tension drains from my body. “Really?”

“Yeah, really. I think you’re nice too, but it’s not going to work out. Maybe friends could better.”

“Yeah, yeah definitely. Wanna get coffee sometime? As friends?”

“I’d like that.” Her phone buzzes. She looks down and sighs. “I have to go. My friend Minty is here to pick me up.”

“Oh, okay.” The gears start turning in my head, and my eyebrows pull together. “Wait, were you just going to leave?”

Agatha looks down, probably to hide the embarrassed expression on her face. “Honestly, yeah. I didn’t want to make things awkward. I’m not good at saying goodbye to people…”

I’ll admit, it hurts a bit. But I also get it. I hated saying anything as a kid, especially something awkward. And I don’t think it’s my place to berate her right now. I nod slowly. “Alright. Well, hope you have a good rest of your night.”

“You too.” She goes towards the stairs. One step down though, she looks over her shoulder with a little smile on her lips. “Have fun with that bloke. He looks cute.”

Before I can answer, she’s off down the staircase. My face is going to get stuck blushing this much. After only a moment of shock though, I dash back in the direction of the bar. I’ve never been more nervous than I have been speed walking back there. But when I see Baz, with his hips against the bar, fiddling with his phone, I sigh in utter relief.

I take a deep breath, trying to hide just how out of breath and eager I am. Be cool, Simon, be cool. I walk towards with what I hope is a badass swaggering walk. Bloody hell, I hope I don’t look stupid. I really hope I don’t fuck this up.

“Hey,” I say, “I’m back.”

Baz’s head snaps up. I like the way his hair falls in a lazy wave, like a waterfall made from raven wings. (That poetry book Penny got me for Christmas has really expanded my metaphors, wow.) That softer, nicer smirk comes back. I love it more than the arrogant one, actually.

“One minute and thirty eight seconds,” he replies in a playful tone. “You’re late.”

I chuckle and rub my neck. “Sorry. There’s a lot of people here.”

“I’m aware. I’ve been looking through them all night.” His fingertips touch mine, sending jolts up my entire arm. “Until you caught my eye like no else did.”

“Really?” My heart rate is going nuts. It’s not arrogant, well, not totally. Everyone’s a little vain, after all.

“Mhm.” His hand moves slowly up my arm, stopping just above my wrist. “Blue eyes, bronze curls, tawny skin with constellations of freckles and moles. You were like the sun in this dark nightclub. How could I not be entranced?”

“O-oh.” All words have fled my tongue. Baz’s sweet voice and words have melted my brain into pure mush.

Baz’s hand moves further. His thumb traces tiny, wonderful circles on my upper forearm. He’s got these slight calluses that I can’t get enough of. “You have no idea how much I wanted to come up and talk to you right away.”

I pout slightly. “Why didn’t you?”

He chuckles and shakes his head. I like the way his hair moves. “Because you were with someone, Simon. I didn’t notice her until after you started talking to her again. I wasn’t going to be that arse who stole someone’s date.”

“And yet you offered to whisk me away a few minutes ago.”

“Well,” he sighs, tracing patterns lazily on the inside of my elbow, “I tried to ignore you, I really did, but my eyes kept drifting to you. I didn’t think your date was going well but I still wasn’t going to intrude. I distracted myself instead.”

I frown deeply. “That redhead bloke.”

“Yes, Lamb. He approached me but I welcomed him.” His face becomes sly and devilish. The expression is eerily, like his face was made for scheming. “Were you jealous?”

I gulp down a large lump in my throat, unintentionally biting down on my bottom lip. From the way Baz watches my mouth I think he likes it quite a bit. “Maybe a little…”

“Mm, good to know.” Baz tilts his head, showing off that damn neck again. Is he doing that on purpose? “I’ll admit I was jealous. I desperately wished to be in your date’s place. When I glanced over a few times, I saw things may not have been going well. So when she left…”

“You jumped at the chance?”

“Precisely.”

I grin ear to ear. It’s strange to think I’d be so wanted by someone that they’d wait to talk to me, but I don’t dislike it. Especially when they’re as pretty as Baz. I move forward this time, touching his forearm. His hands may be rough, but the rest of his skin is impossibly soft.

“I’m glad you did,” I say quietly. “I’m glad I got to meet you.”

Baz smiles too. It’s not arrogant, but genuinely happy and bright. “Me too. I thought you were gorgeous, but now I also know that you’re the kind of guy to make sure he says goodbye to his blind date, even when it didn’t work out. Who knew the gorgeous man would turn out to be kind too?”

Once again, I am lost for words. I mean, what do you say to that? Glad you noticed? Arrogant. You too? Weird. Thank you? I guess, still feels awkward. It seems me gaping mouth is good enough for Baz, because he’s still smiling. He brings up his other hand and traces his rough thumb on my chin, just under my bottom lip. Dear Lord, I really want him to move it a little bit up.

“So I’m wondering,” he drawls, “if you would be so kind as to do something for me.”

“What?” I almost say “anything,” but that’s just a little too desperate.

“Would you please follow me downstairs? Because ever since I saw you, I’ve thought about how lovely you would look on the dance floor.”

Is my brain dribbling out my ears? Because it bloody well feels like it. Baz’s skin may be cold but he’s burning me to a crisp. And I really don’t mind.

“I-I can’t dance,” I whisper. I want him to know what a mess he’s getting into when he’s with me.

“No matter.” His thumb actually touches my lip. A harsh, beautiful shudder moves through my spine. “I bet you’ll still look gorgeous.” He tugs on my wrist with his other hand. “Shall we?”

All I can do is nod. Baz grins devilishly. He slowly weaves our fingers together one by one. Every touch threatens to make me burst into flames. “Then let’s go.”

Baz pulls me forward, and I happily trail behind him. We zig zag through all the sweaty people and soar down the spiral stairs. There’s some sort of techno remix of an eighties song. The singer keeps singing about a girl named Rio. (Weird name, but I don’t think I can talk much considering my last name is Snow.) Baz pulls us deep into the throng of dancing people. He finds us a small space in the middle of all of it. At first I think it’s too small, but when Baz presses almost his entire body against me, I quickly get the point. He puts his arms around my waist. I’m completely frozen.

“I still don’t know how to dance,” I shout in his ear.

Baz leans forward. His hot breath caresses my skin. “Put your arms on my shoulders, then follow me. It’s really easy. You just have to sway.”

I gulp and nod. I place my hands on his shoulders. They’re a bit boney but very nice. Baz slowly starts moving side to side. His hips move absolutely beautifully. He has perfect rhythm. He slowly sways to the thumping bass of the song while holding onto me tight, pressing us together so close. I can feel every part of him against every part of me. My eyes are glued to my hands on his shoulders. I’m pretty sure my entire fucking body is blushing now.

“You can move too,” Baz says. “Just follow me.”

I nod, even though I’m still unsure. I look down at his hips (holy fuck he’s hot) and try to copy him. Slowly, I move side to side, following him as best I can. I’m not as smooth and graceful as him of course. Baz helps, silently guiding me with his hands. We start moving in near perfect sync. And it feels absolutely amazing. Holy shit, is this grinding? I’ve never done it before, so if this is it, it’s bloody great.

My chest feels tight and breath is short, but in a good way. The fear and nerves are fading bit by bit. Slowly, I finally look away from my hand. I look at Baz’s face, and god, why haven’t I been looking at him the whole time? He looks even more gorgeous. The strobe lights perfectly illuminate the deep angles of his face. His hair falls in his face in a beautiful lazy wave. His eyes are absolutely dazzling, and they’re completely focused on me. He looks so good, somehow even better than before. My gaze flicks down to Baz’s lips. They’re hanging slightly open. The violet lights catch on them again and again. I can’t stop looking, and I don’t really want to.

I look up again, meeting Baz’s beautiful eyes. He’s looking down as well at my mouth. God, I want him to be thinking the same thing I am. My arms quickly wrap around his neck, fingers pressing into his soft skin. Baz inhales sharply. For a second I worry he’s going to shove me away. But instead, I feel him pull my waist even closer, fingers digging into my back through my t-shirt. Our faces are inches apart, moving closer without us even realising it. My nose touches his, just barely. We’re breathing the same air. Maybe, just maybe…. Oh, fuck it.

I lean forward and press my mouth to Baz’s.

It takes less than a second for Baz to kiss me back. There’s zero pretense or nervousness. We move our lips fervently, mutual desire completely obvious. Baz sticks his tongue down my throat at the same time I tug harshly on his hair. Thank god the music is too loud for anyone to hear our groans. He bites down on my bottom lip and I feel like I’m fucking melting and exploding and dying. I kiss him like it’s a fight, and he doesn’t give an inch. We match so well. It’s perfect. He’s perfect. God, I’m drowning in him, but I don’t want to come up for air.

Baz eventually, sadly, pulls away. He keeps his face close to mine. I study all the different colours in his eyes. I could do that forever.

“Want to get out of here?” he says. “I think I’d like to see you somewhere other than the dance floor now.”

I nod immediately. “Yeah, definitely, let’s go.”

Baz grins. It’s a mix between devilish charm and genuine giddy excitement. He grabs my hand, then we push through the throngs of people even faster than before. I can’t stop grinning for even a second.

We hop in a cab heading towards Canary Wharf. Baz takes me up to his flat, pins me down on his king sized bed, and proves once again that he is incredible with his hips.

All in all, a fantastic night.

———————————————

AN: Needless to say, a spring in Baz’s mattress breaks. Hope you liked it! Simon was a bit of an ass, yeah, but imo so is Agatha. In my mind they meet up later and talk properly without pressure to date awkwardness and they become really good friends. In the end they’re both happy. I liked writing this because I love the prompt and I love the song. Arctic Monkeys fucking rule. Hopefully my next fic will be out soon. Have a good day!

#carry on #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #penelope bunce #agatha wellbelove #pining #night club #first meetings #simon is distracted by baz as usual #mysnowbazfic

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regular-lord-reckoner · 4 years

Text

i was doing pretty okay for a few days there despite the world being even more on fire than it usually is, but yesterday i just started feeling really down and overwhelmed by everything.

on the one hand, i’m glad that to some degree at least this whole virus situation is being taken seriously and there are least some things being done to try to prevent the spread, but on the other i’m seeing a lot of people getting laid off from work or who just aren’t able to make money doing what they normally do because now everyone’s strapped for cash and it feels like any day the whole thing’s just gonna topple over

and on the one hand it’s like...okay, good. the system sucks, it’s needed to change, something was gonna have to give but on the other it shouldn’t have been something like this where people are going to get hurt and potentially even die.

for myself personally, my work has decided to remain open which on the one hand is good because i still need to make money, but on the other hand they are just...absolutely dropping the ball.

i think so far the only measure they’ve put in place that’s actually good is i think i’d heard something about having either front desk or switchboard call some of these patients ahead of time like, “hey, it looks like your visit is just a refill for medication, your provider will go ahead and refill that and we can spare you a trip coming in to the office”, but i dunno how widespread that is or if it was just a one time thing or if it’s still been going on.

a lot of patients i think are just going ahead and cancelling their appointments which is good, appreciate that, but then there are some who are still showing up for shit that really could have waited.

and the bright idea now is to have front desk do a questionnaire thing with every single fucking patient that comes in basically just going over a checklist of shit that is supposed to help determine whether or not they can still stay for their visit or if they need to immediately leave and just give us a call to figure out what to do from there.

so tomorrow i’m going to have to do that since it’s my day to go in and do front desk for one of the providers and like...yeah, i see way, way less patients there than regular front desk, but it still sucks that it’s like, “you, front desk person, you get to be exposed to people who could very well be sick but didn’t have better sense to stay home and you have to decide if this person is okay to stay, hope you don’t get yelled at!!”

i already get shit from these patients over other shit (i don’t remember if i posted about it or not, but i had a dude get mad at ME because he was 30 minutes late for his visit and i said we might have to reschedule, but that i would check with the doctor to see if it was okay...dude stood there and gave me attitude and went on about how the way we run things is all wrong....all because again, mind you, HE was late for HIS appointment. and he thought i should just squeeze him in before people who were on time for their appointments because y’know...that’s fair!!) so i can’t imagine how much fun it’s going to be or the back and forth i’m gonna get into with people over whether or not a cough they’ve had warrants their visit being cancelled.

but hey, it’s cool because they gave me a face mask so...i should be fine, i guess. it’s not like when i come down with shit it really wipes me the fuck out because i’m already disabled, but no that’s cool. we definitely need to keep our specialty office up and running and use medical supplies we might be needing down the road all so money can keep pouring in!!!

especially in this day and age where things like office visits over skype or just regular phone are possible. obviously it’s not going to catch every single patient because i know not everyone has access, but here again...we’re a specialty office. we’re not a hospital, we’re not a regular doctor’s office. i could see at least running in a limited capacity for those patients that do have serious shit going on and really do need to be seen, like fine we’ll work that out, but people coming in for shit that can at least wait a few more weeks just...sucks.

we also do infusions at one office and the nurse that runs that whole thing tried to tell my manager like, “hey, according to the cdc we really shouldn’t have more than 10 people at a time back here” and my manager honest to god said, “that only applies to social situations!!!”

oh!!! well fuck me, then, i didn’t realize the virus could tell the goddamn difference, wow!!!

also...it’s not at ALL like we have patients who come in for this one thing but who have compromised immune systems or who have cancer or COPD or anything else like...fuck ‘em!! we’ll make sure you sit in the waiting room while we have our already overworked front desk people doing questionnaire after questionnaire with every person that comes in and stands close to you, good luck!!

to make things even BETTER one of the MAs showed up to work the other day sick!!! like...coughing a lot, feeling cruddy sick!!!

but oh no, she doesn’t have any more pto so rather than like...i dunno, either have someone donate some of their own pto at least for the day or rest of the week or even send her home with a laptop and some basic task she could do from home she stayed!!!

sure do hope there isn’t a boom of fucking people who end up getting it (if that’s what she has, i hope to god it was just sinuses or even the regular flu) because it’s gonna look reeeeeeal bad if they trace it back and are like, “so you guys knew this employee was sick and works in a medical office around vulnerable patients and you just...let her stay?”

neat!!!

again, like...i know i should just be grateful my work is still open and i’m still able to have some income, especially since i already mostly work from home, but it’s just so frustrating to see how badly they’re handling this and how the number one priority is making money but then again...why am i fucking surprised? that’s capitalism, babey!!!!

on top of that, i also finally heard back from my tax guy what that whole situation is gonna be and hoooo boy.

i get...14 some odd dollars for one (probably state) and 75 some odd dollars for the other (federal, i’m assuming)

i’m getting...less than $100 in tax return this year.................

bro

on the one hand like...my biggest fear was that i was going to end up owing money and wouldn’t be getting shit, but on the other i guess i had just...hope maybe i’d still manage to get something??

i know with my work situation being what it was (and with the government being what it is right now) it wasn’t going to be stellar, i wasn’t expecting $1,000 or anything but uh...i was hoping maybe for a few hundreds?? was hoping i could put a dent in some of these bills?? but uh...that’s fine.

the frustration of that is compounded by the fact that i’m pretty sure a big part of why it’s that way is because A. my last job was only a 10 month contract so i was SOL for two months and B. to try to cover for that i started back at this job but in a limited capacity so i wasn’t getting enough hours to really compensate and in the process of trying to get hired full time here they kept me on work contract for MONTHS to the point where i thought i’d just have to give up and find something else entirely.

i had tried when i did finally start full time to set my tax deduction on my checks up so that i was taking out more than enough to try to compensate, but by that point it was so late in the year i guess it didn’t really do a whole lot other than keep me out of the negative so...that’s fine, i guess.

ultimately i should have known, but i guess with everything else i had just gotten my hopes up that i’d at least have a nice check headed my way and i’m not trying to sneeze at what i am getting because i do still appreciate it i just...was really looking forward to dropping a chunk of that money on some of the shit hanging over my head but okay

at least at this point one of my credit card bills should be easy to pay off because i’m pretty sure the bts concert i was gonna go to in may is gonna be cancelled at this rate, so i’ll be getting that money back. obviously that’a a real first world problem compared to everything else going on, but it was something i was really looking forward to, one of those “just hang on until this if shit gets rough” kind of deals but with how shit’s been going i don’t feel very optimistic about it. it’s in mid-may and i’m already seeing stuff from other events being pushed to fall so like...neato. it was also kind of like...hey, this time last year you were in the hospital and about to go septic and then had months of bullshit to deal with after that and your personal life got really rough and shit was just BAD, so here’s something special for getting through all of that and now it’s probably not gonna happen and there’s no telling when it will because that’s not an easy thing to reschedule at the last minute so that’s...cool. i completely understand why and i’m not mad about it, i just can’t help but feel disappointed.

i dunno. i feel like in the past year i’ve really tried to work on myself in terms of not letting myself fall into these horrible depressive episodes and let my anxiety just completely overrun everything and for the most part i’ve been fairly successful although i know i still need to finally make that leap of actually getting into therapy and really getting into the hard work, but the past few days it’s becoming harder and harder to maintain that and there’s a big part of me that just wants to be like, “dude, what’s the point, the world’s ending, who cares if you’re sad and you haven’t fixed your shit yet, it’s not going to matter for you or for anybody, it’s all pointless” so like...that sucks.

i’m hoping it’s just something i need to go through for a little bit and if i try my best i can come out of it with my head up but for months now i’ve felt one of those really bad depressive episodes breathing down my neck just...waiting for an excuse to take me down and i guess with everything going on i just don’t feel like i have the strength to fight it the way i’ve been trying to.

i won’t give up, though. not yet anyway. all of this is frustrating, but there’s still a lot i have to be grateful for so i’m going to try my best to just focus on those things, hold on to them, and hope that there’s good news just on the horizon and that better days really are on the way.

i know still that turning over a new year doesn’t really mean shit and time is fake, but i hope anyway that since this is only the third month out of the year that there’s still time for things to get better. i hope by even thinking that i’m not ensuring that things will in fact get much, much worse but i guess we’ll just have to see.

in any case, even though i’m dreading going to work tomorrow i guess it’ll be nice to get out of the house. it’s weird, because normally i don’t mind spending a lot of time at home. i work from home and i don’t have any friends that live close by so i tend to just kind of stay put unless i’m going to the store for something or going to pick up food, but the fact that now it’s like...hey, you need to stay put it’s getting to me a little bit. if i’m not feeling better by this weekend i might if nothing else just...go for a drive.

i won’t go anywhere and interact with anyone or make any stops, i’ll just...get out of the house for a minute before i sink even further into whatever this is. idk.

if you’ve read all this mess i thank you, i know it sucks to read someone else’s whining while you’ve got problems of your own and shit’s bad just in general, so i appreciate it and i hope that wherever you are and whatever your situation that you’re doing as best as you can be and hanging in there.

#just a ramblin'#you know this style

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taronfanfic · 5 years

Text

First

That smile. That heart-melting, pulse raising, god-damn cute smile. It accompanied his infectious laugh and had you swooning and giggling at the same time. Fuck, were you in deep. Crushes had come and gone in the past, never materialising into much. The occasional drunken kiss or first date that ended up petering back into friendship and nothing more was as exciting as your love life had ever been. You were alright with that though. You knew your time would come. You knew your one would show up eventually; and as your attention hadn’t faltered from Taron all night, it felt like your one might be sitting opposite you.

He was a friend of a friend, introduced to you a few months back through a coincidental meeting in the same pub one night. You couldn’t fail to notice his good looks and they’d initially made you shy. It was the fear of drooling over him too obviously. You were convinced that he’d get advances from women on a daily basis, and therefore be able to see it written all over your face before you’d even clocked it was happening yourself. Just the thought was mortifying enough. So you played it cool and told yourself that he was so far out of your league that it wasn’t even worth attempting.

The friendship between you formed easily and very quickly. He was on your level in every single way. In the first few weeks of meeting him you’d stayed out with him when the others had gone home. You’d had long deep chats on a park bench beneath the night sky and told each other things you’d never dared to share before. You’d told him you were still a virgin and he didn’t hesitate with his reply, telling you that your time would come soon and that he wished he’d waited because his first attempt was ‘fucking awful and over in less than 3 minutes.’. You laughed together. He’d laugh at all your jokes and then make little in jokes with you that flew over the heads of your other friends. He’d text you stupid things at random times but also call you up when he needed to vent his stress. You felt like his go-to person and you loved it. You were pretty sure you loved him.

Telling him how you felt became top priority on your to-do list for a good month. Every time you knew you’d be seeing him you’d gear yourself up to pull him to one side and just say it, but every time you’d hesitate and wait for the next opportunity. It kind of happened when you’d got really drunk at a house party. You’d hugged him and slurred out an ‘I like you.’ with what you’d hoped was a loving look but he only ever smiled and said ‘I know.’ You remember trying to kiss him that night too and receiving his cheek instead of his lips, but decided to deny all knowledge of it ever happening the next morning in an attempt to save face.

Ever since that night though, his texts became more flirty. More kisses appeared at the end of them. When you saw him he’d hug you that bit longer and tighter and leave a soft kiss to your cheek. You felt his eyes on you more often and when you’d look back to him he wouldn’t look away, just flash you his cheeky grin and it made your heart summersault in your chest. You were sure he knew how you felt, and you were almost certain that he felt something back. But nothing more ever happened. For weeks. So as you sat opposite him in the same pub where you’d first met you knew you had to take matters into your own hands.

“Do you fancy-”

“Yes.” He replied before you’d even asked.

“You don’t even know what I was going to ask!”

“Oh, but what if I do?” He teased with raised eyebrows. “I can usually finish your sentences off for you.”

“True. But I’m not so sure on this one…” You teased back and left him waiting whilst you took a sip of your gin and tonic. “If you knew, and your answer was still yes, I think it’d have happened long before tonight.” The pout of confusion that formed on Taron’s face looked so kissable. It was tempting and the feelings it stirred in you gave you the confidence to continue what you’d just started. “Any ideas?”

“Not any more…” He leant in closer to you across the small table with complete intrigue and you took your chance, slowly inching closer to his face. As your eyes dropped down to his lips you noticed his slight pout moving into a soft smile as he knew what was coming. You took it slow and savoured the feel of his lips against yours, noticing the pressure that he reciprocated before pulling away and seeing that bloody smile again. Fuck, you wanted more of that.

“What was it you were saying again?” He laughed softly and exaggerated his flustered state. “Do I fancy you?” You bit your lip in anticipation, knowing that wasn’t what you were going to ask but letting him go with it anyway. “The answer is still yes. I think it’d be yes to pretty much anything as long as you’re involved.”

“Well that sounds promising because it wasn’t the exact question I had in mind.”

“No?”

“It wasn’t far off… but it’s safe to say we both know we fancy each other, so.”

“So…”

“So, how long has this been going on for now without there actually being anything going on?”

“…A while.” Suddenly he was coy.

“Exactly, I was starting to think you’d never make a move on me.”

“I was waiting for you to make the first move!” He admitted. “But that kiss was definitely worth waiting for.”

“So, going back to my initial question. Do you fancy… coming back to mine for the night?” You wanted to hold his eye contact, you knew you should have held his eye contact, but your nerves got the better of you and left you watching the ice swirl around in your glass as you spun it between your fingertips.

“What, you mean… like?”

“Don’t worry, it’s fine.” You blushed as you took his response to be a no.

“No, I mean yes! But… I didn’t think, well I don’t want you to feel like you have to, y’know. Not tonight anyway.”

“Is that why you were waiting for me to make the first move?”

“I didn’t want to put pressure on you. Things between us have been so great and I didn’t want to fuck it up by suggesting we try anything more. I’d rather we could be us without any of that than go down that path and ruin it all.”

“I don’t think it’ll ruin anything.” You finally looked back to his eyes and felt the tension drop from your shoulders.

“I want you to be sure. We can take it slow.” He smiled gently but you shook your head.

“I want this. I want it to be you. You know how long I’ve waited so please don’t make me wait any longer.”

“Well shit.” He swallowed and shuffled around in his chair. “I did not see this coming tonight.”

“Might get to see each other coming instead.” You couldn’t resist bringing the tone back to it’s usual level and Taron laughed along with you.

“Only might?”

“Well I’m not saying you’ve got tough competition, but this one’s never let me down yet.” You raised your hand up and Taron was quick to take hold of it as he stood up and led you out the door of the pub.

“Just you wait!”

Request: The reader meets Taron and they become good friends, but she falls for him. She's a virgin in her late 20's (by choice, and not ashamed of it) and wants him to be her 1st, so she hints at him about her feelings, whitout receiving a clear answer. Time passes, and tired of him showing interest but not doing anything about it; she takes things in her own hands. Turns out he likes her back but didn't want for her to feel pushed.

#taron egerton #taron egerton imagine #taron egerton fanfiction #taron egerton fanfic #taron x reader

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virmillion · 5 years

Text

Ibytm - T minus 15 seconds

Masterpost - Previous Chapter - Next Chapter - ao3

Words: 1,357

Logan furrows his brow and stares daggers at his computer, willing the trembling stacks of lines and curves to organize themselves into something intelligible. The towers of letters and numbers collapse, as does his head into his hands.

“Hey, spaceman, how much longer you gonna be here?” Roman asks, appearing behind Logan’s chair.

Logan buries his fingernails in his hair, massaging them toward the back of his head and playing with the arms of his glasses. “Ages, probably, and why ‘spaceman?’ Hardly a creative nickname for people working in a minor NASA offshoot. Couldn’t you do any better? It’s not like I’m the only one here wanting to be an astronaut.”

“Yeah, but you’re the only one here that’s so ridiculously dedicated to it. I mean, even Katie-Lee went home already, and she’s pretty much, like, head honcho or something.”

“You say that like I’m a new intern in need of exposition, rather than an employee who’s been well aware of her position for years. And it’s Miss Katie-Lee, which you’ll do well to remember.”

Roman drapes himself over Logan’s shoulder, stretching his arms over his head and blocking Logan’s view of the screen. “I don’t think I’ll be remembering that any time soon, but I suppose this is the part where I thank you for the suggestion.”

“Kindly remove yourself from my person. Unlike some people around here, I actually have important work to do.”

“Seriously? What is it, balancing more equations? Can’t you put that through google or something?”

“Google isn’t going to tell me in a clean five page report the exact moral conflicts related to launching a person into space and knowing their mission will take too long to survive a return trip, much less the mathematics required for them to build a system to get home on its own autopilot to pass along information they acquire at the destination that they can’t give directly from that long of a travel away. That’s not even taking into account the weight we need to factor in for the additional materials, or the mental toll we’ll be forcing on the traveler—we can’t exactly send someone with a terminal illness or someone on death row, since they certainly won’t be in the peak mental or physical condition necessary for the job, and you can get back to me whenever on how we break the news that we only want to give them a salary for the several limited months it’ll take to train them, before they get launched on what everyone knows to be a suicide mission. Everyone will know they’re doomed. Everyone.”

Barely even breathing, Roman slowly straightens. Well, it sounds like he’s barely breathing. Or, er, it doesn’t sound like that. All Logan can say for certain is that there’s an immense ringing in his ears that drowns out pretty much everything else. He drops his head to his desk.

“Are they actually planning a mission like that?”

“They want to be prepared for the unfortunately possible eventuality in which we might have to do that sort of thing. ‘We’ll have to make some sacrifices at one point or another,’ they say, as if I don’t already know that. As if I’m not already painfully aware of that. As if we don’t come into work every day knowing damn well that we’re all working ourselves to an early grave, because there’s virtually no way to expand our extraterrestrial horizons without losing a few lives along the way.” Logan winces at a sharp stab of pain against his temple. Another headache, no doubt.

“Even if it’s only a theoretical hypothetical, they wouldn’t have you working on it if they didn’t think it was a legitimate possibility.” Logan grunts a wordless confirmation at having heard the worry in Roman’s voice, but says nothing. Roman pulls out his phone and starts typing, only eliciting a response from Logan when whatever he’s doing flashes a bright light in Logan’s peripheral vision.

“What are you doing.” It’s not a question. It’s barely even an acknowledgement.

“Texting your husband proof that you need a vacation.”

“I don’t take vacations.”

“Duh, obviously I know that. If you took vacations, maybe you could be gone on an actual honeymoon.”

“Honeymoons are the free market’s way of draining more money from newlyweds who are too high on emotions to realize how much money they’re constantly flushing down the—”

“Yeah, I get it, communism for the win.”

“Socialism.”

“Same difference.”

“Not really.”

“Anyway, just go home and talk to Virgil. You need a vacation, and I told him that’s his new top priority.”

“As if he’d take orders from you.”

“He would if he knew his husband looked like such a hot mess-ra.” Roman flips the phone around, and Logan squints back against the brightness of the picture. Yeah, no, certainly not a pretty sight. Maybe he should start working out more. “Come to think of it, he does know you look like this, since I just sent it to him. So get a move on.”

“But I haven’t finished my—”

“And you won’t finish it if you don’t learn to take breaks between work sprints.”

“But I have a presentation on—”

“I do not care. Go home.” Roman leans forward and punches the power button on Logan’s monitor, clicking the screen into a peaceful abyss of black. “Go home. Please?”

Logan waffles between turning his screen back on (Roman only put it in sleep mode, after all) and slugging him for possibly damaging a solid couple hour’s worth of work, but a surprise third contender takes the lead for his attention. He shrugs his jacket on and rises, plucking a pen from behind his ear and dropping it in his pen cup. Roman gives a sigh of relief, and Logan wonders whether it was that obvious that he wanted to punch him.

“I hope you know how little I—”

“Yeah, yeah, everything sucks and you want to finish your work, I get it. Go home , Mr. Sanders.”

It is of this stern farewell that Logan is reminded as he tugs the front door shut behind him and steps into the apartment.

“You’re home.” Virgil sounds surprised, and Logan wonders exactly how guilty he should feel that Virgil would never expect him home in time for dinner. He also wonders whether this would be a good time to bring up how Virgril is always home, never getting an education or a real job or pursuing any passions, but Virgil never seems to be in the mood for that particular conversation. Logan is starting to suspect they’ll never realize that internal disparity.

Oh, right, he’s supposed to say something now.

“I’m home.” A very clever response, if Logan does say so himself. (He does not.)

“Why are you home so early?”

“Why do you assume I’d be late?”

“Because you’re always late.”

“I am early to every appointment and engagement I schedule.”

“Yeah, and you stay there late, which makes you late when you get to non-work things. Like when you get home late. Again.”

Logan hangs his jacket on the door and nods. “Right. Sorry.” He doesn’t really know what it is that he’s apologizing for, but he certainly isn’t about to admit as much.

“It’s fine.” Virgil’s tone makes it painfully clear that it is not, in fact, ‘fine,’ and Logan has no idea what to do about it. “Roman says you need a vacation.”

“Yes. Well, er, long day, y’know?”

“Right.”

“So I’ll just head off to bed early, then.”

“Sure. Set out some extra clothes, I guess. Maybe we can drive up north to see the leaves changing this weekend if you get out early enough. You probably won’t, but it’s worth a shot.”

Logan bites his tongue and heads into the bedroom. Why did Virgil get so mad about something so inconsequential as unpenalized punctuality? It’s not as if Logan getting home early (well, more like ‘just past on time’) should be seen as a bad thing—Virgil should’ve been happy at the surprise of being able to spend more time together. Maybe Logan should’ve just stayed at work.

#labhwrites #mine #i'll bring you the moon #ibytm

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imagine-loki · 5 years

Text

Wedded Bliss

TITLE: Wedded Bliss CHAPTER NO./ONE SHOT: Chapter 29 AUTHOR: MaliceManaged ORIGINAL IMAGINE: Imagine Odin determined to find Loki a wife in a misguided, though somewhat well-intentioned attempt to ‘mellow him’. … RATING: T NOTES/WARNINGS: Just when I thought the Crimson Peak fic I’m working on was gonna eat up all my time, I get a sudden need to work on this as I’m getting ready for bed, and then hyperfocus kicks in and then oh, hey there’s the sun. The song mentioned is this one, because I have Goals and no self-restraint not to live vicariously through my characters. XD

____________________________

Frigga declined the offer to stay for dinner, stating that she had intended on a short visit and had stayed too long already, though she did promise she would visit again in the future before returning to Asgard after extracting a promise from Loki that he wouldn’t cause too much trouble in the realm. Somehow they got the impression they had a different opinions on what exactly constituted too much trouble, given how readily Loki agreed to it.

After food was had Tony all but dragged Loki away to one of the labs, intent on picking his brain about a project he expressed some interest in, with Edith calling after them to not work too late (again), though she knew they likely wouldn’t listen. The others gradually dispersed, leaving Edith and Natasha alone to deal with the dishes, seeing as it was their turn.

“Sooo…” Edith began, passing Natasha a plate to dry, “What’d you think?”

“Of what?”

“You know what.”

Natasha smiled a bit. “She’s… interesting. I can see where Loki gets his poker face.”

Edith snorted. “No kidding.”

“She seems to care about you, even if just as her son’s girlfriend.”

“I think she cared quite a bit before that. Y’know; once she got used to my weirdness,” Edith giggled.

“That she got used to it at all makes her good enough in my book,” Natasha joked, causing Edith to almost drop the glass in her hands from her laughter. “How much can we count on her?”

Edith thought for a moment. “Hmm, I’d give her a six, maybe. She’s on our side for now, but her first priority’s preserving the peace in her house. Push comes to shove, I don’t think I’d break rule one for her.”

Natasha nodded once, trusting Edith’s judgement. “I’ll keep seven in mind, then.”

Once the dishes were dealt with, they retired to the bar, a bottle of vodka between them and glasses in their hands. “You guys seem to be doing well,” Natasha commented after a lull.

“Sorry, sestra; you can’t kill him yet,” Edith teased, earning a playful eyeroll. She looked down at her glass for a moment then picked up Loki’s pendant, toying with it. “I dunno; I think whoever or whatever decided to send this my way knew what they were doing.”

“Have you though about the long term?”

Edith heaved a sigh. “Kind of?” She swirled her drink then took a sip. “I mean, I know I… care… about him. A lot. I’m ninety-nine percent sure it’s mutual. But it’s… long term gets complicated. He’s a prince from another planet, you know? Sooner or later he’s got to go back to Asgard – for good, I mean. What happens then? I can’t…” she looked at Natasha helplessly, “I can’t leave for good. I like Asgard well enough, I guess, but this is home. You guys. I don’t want to give that up.”

Natasha gave her a sympathetic look. “That’s not going to happen, Edie,” she assured, taking Edith’s hand in hers then leaning forward to look her straight in the eyes, “And if anyone demands it, you call me. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, you call me immediately.”

Edith squeezed Natasha’s hand. “I will. I promise.”

****

Loki followed the sound of Edith’s voice to one of the tower’s balconies, leaning against the doorway enjoying the clear notes of the language he had heard Natasha speak in on occasion and applauding when she finished the song, causing her to start slightly, not having realised she had an audience.

“Sorry,” he offered more-or-less sincerely, “I didn’t wish to interrupt. That was beautiful, if a tad melancholy.”

Edith giggled softly. “Most of my favourites are. Probably says something about me.”

He hummed then pushed off the doorframe and walked over, leaning on the railing beside her. “Something is troubling you.”

“What makes you think that?” He merely arched an eyebrow and she looked away at the streets below. “I’ve been thinking…”

“So I gathered,” he said drily when she trailed off, earning an unamused look.

“It’s just… Where are we going?”

“Lunch, I should hope.”

“I’m serious, Loki.”

Loki sighed and turned to face her fully. “Edith; I can’t help if I do not know what exactly the problem is, and you are not being very clear.”

“I l-… c-care about you,” his face twitched a bit at her stumble but she pushed on before he could say anything about it, “But what happens when you have to go back to Asgard? Where would that leave us?”

“Admittedly, I have not given it much thought. I suppose I hope you care enough to come visit when I cannot.”

“Do you really think we’d survive that for long? Months? Years?”

“I don’t know, Edith.” He frowned, crossing his arms at his chest. “What do you suggest? That we end this relationship?”

“No! No, I don’t want that at all.”

“Then what do you want? Do you want me to renounce my title, my home, and stay here with you?”

“Of course not,” she sighed frustratedly, turning to lean her back on the railing, “I wouldn’t ask you to do that anymore than I’d want you to ask it of me. I’m not… I’m not saying we’re doomed or anything; I just want to be sure we know what we’re really getting into, because I don’t know that we’ve really thought it through.”

He looked away, lowering his arms, his right had drifting to pick at his left unconsciously. “… I have,” he admitted quietly.

Edith frowned. “And?”

“And I have just realised what I have been so apprehensive of this entire time.” He glanced up to find a questioning expression and looked down again. “I have seen where we are heading, and it does not end well for me. You are right in that I will eventually need to return to Asgard, and I know that you will not follow me; you have too much here, too many ties,” he smiled sadly, “I am not sufficient replacement for such.”

“Geez; you’re making it sound like I’d drop you without a second thought.” She stepped closer and reached over to turn his face to hers. “I can’t stay in Asgard. You’re right; I have too much here, I can’t just leave it. But I’m not particularly inclined to let you go, either. Not without a fight.”

She leaned up to wrap her arms around him and he returned the embrace after a second’s hesitation. “We really should have talked about his sooner,” she murmured into his shoulder after a while.

“Yes, we should have.”

“And you definitely should have told me about that worry.”

He huffed softly. “I didn’t even know what I was worried about until now.”

“You still should have told me something was up.” When he didn’t reply she pulled away and looked up at him. “I mean it, Loki; from now on, we don’t keep things like that quiet. That’s not how teams work, and we’re supposed to be a team.”

“I… will make an effort,” he sighed, “But you should know by now that discussing feelings does not come easily to me.”

Edith snorted. “Well, it did take you literal months to admit you liked me, so…”

Loki rolled his eyes. “In any case; I will try to do better.”

“That’s all I ask,” Edith replied, leaning up to kiss him. “Lunch, then?”

“Please; I’m positively starving!” Loki declared overdramatically, causing her to laugh.

#Loki #Lover #Angst #God of Mischief #Submitted fic #submission #wedded bliss #chapter 29 #MaliceManaged

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heather-in-heels · 5 years

Text

getting the hell out of student loan debt

I lost my job at the tail end of 2014. I always remember, in vivid detail, spending the week after New Year’s at the airport waiting for a 7 AM flight. Happy 2015 to me! I didn’t have a job. I didn’t have an income. I was on my way to moving back in with my parents. Days prior, I had sold off most of my possessions and gave away the rest to a local Goodwill. And I was returning home saddled with student loans totaling then at $56k.

It felt like I had single-handedly destroyed my life. In retrospect, I think losing that job was the best thing that could have happened to me.

I was home, sheltered and surrounded by loved ones. I was able to mentally regroup again. In between submitting resumes and job applications, I started writing in the advertising space which later ballooned into a big column. Later that year, I went back to work again full-time.

I had more or less resigned myself in 2015 to the idea that my student loan debt would kind of be there forever. That changed in 2016, once I was working again and back on my feet. I started thinking critically about how I wanted to repay my loans. The minimum monthly payments, stretched across seven loans, totaled $653 a month. It was like a drop of water in a bucket. The account stagnated at $56k and didn’t move.

The only way out of this debt was to work, the hardest in my life, and to sacrifice everything. And I did it, to pay off $56k in under a year in full.

Let me share an important disclaimer now: I’m not rich. I believe money is a fluid object, I’m willing to work hard, and I love a good investment. Education is an example of a great investment. Since I first shared this story, I’ve noticed former colleagues examining my LinkedIn profile like hawks. I know it’s because of the dollar sign attached to an extremely tight timeline. I suppose it’s understandable. When you do a great thing, a successful thing, people want to know how you did it. But most don’t want to put in the work. They want the cheat codes.

The answer I made readily visible on social media the entire time! I was working. I worked nonstop. Working allowed me to create a series of nest eggs for myself. I lined them up in a row, knowing I needed each and every egg to go all in with my loan attack plan. I didn’t have much time, either. In mid-2016, I knew I wanted to stop making minimum payments and start full repayments in 2018.

I had two thoughts going in:

1) I was convinced I could repay everything under the 10-year loan timeframe.

2) I would later set a bet for myself, inspired by a conversation with a late friend in 2018, that I could do this, all of it, in under a year.

So, I had less than two years to prepare. Fun!

Rather than run through the laundry list of all the financial mistakes I made prior to hitting reset on my life (you name it, I did it), I’d like to share the best and worst things that happened to me during my repayment period.

BEST

I received an incredible bonus from my side hustle last year. It was for an event I worked myself brittle to the bone for months on top of my full-time job. I remembered being so nervous, thinking the event would be a bust. We sold out. It was a huge success. The bonus wasn’t something I asked for, just a thank you from my boss. I cried when I got it because it cleared one of my loans in full. It changed my life.

How quickly I shifted gears into thinking, believing, knowing I could do this. Once I got into the head space and knew what I had to do, I was ready to go all in.

The ever-present daily support, encouragement, and love from my friends and family. I don’t know how I would have done it without them. I really don’t. The core family unit was there for the good, bad, and ugly. My Mom encouraging me to pay off the largest loan first and my three brothers telling me not to give up. And the crazy pep talk my Dad gave me in late April that convinced me I could run up to my remaining loans like an unhinged, insane person and blow them up to smithereens.

He called me his champion after I was done. That made my year.

WORST

Deferring and defaulting on my loans when I didn’t have a job. (AKA the “all is lost” moment.)

Repaying the private loan of $26k. It was the biggest loan with the largest interest rate. My Mount Everest. You had to scale it bit by bit. I have likened the memory of it to chipping at a block of ice to create a sculpture. Every month, I threw a few grand at that loan while I tried to take out the little guys around it. It gradually decreased to around $12k and I paid it off in full then. This was not a fast process.

The massive wildfire I lived through during the bulk of repayments. That was like watching the “hold my beer” meme come to life. I joke about it now, but the Woolsey Fire was an absolute catastrophe. I had no way of knowing when I got into the thick of my loan repayments that I would be confronted with a natural disaster that came dangerously close to burning down my home. It was extremely scary to evacuate and watch your world hang in the balance for nearly a week. During the Woolsey Fire, I had no choice but to return to minimum repayments. I needed an emergency fund just in case — and this was the greatest emergency.

Doing it alone. Somewhere in the back of my mind I think I always knew I would be alone for this. I didn’t have cosigners. A white knight spouse was not going to save me. I had to do it for “her.” I had to rely on myself for everything, harder than anything I’ve ever done in my life. And even though I went in as prepared as I possibly could have, I did not get out of this without being mentally and physically impacted.

The sheer amount of discipline involved was far too intense. You had to be determined, disciplined, optimistic, and driven at all times. There wasn’t time to rest. I was frantically trying to kill an impossible enemy and keep up the pacing all the time. The physical toll on my health was bad. Very bad. I developed anxiety that impacted my gastrointestinal health and had to take medication to calm my stomach down. I think it will be some time yet before everything gets better internally.

The mental toll was perhaps worse. Everything about my day to day life was a series of dollar signs. I was perpetually at war in my mind where I fantasized about stopping to rest in the snow, but every bit of me screamed “DON’T DO IT GET UP!!!” Because, y’know, when you nap in the snow, you can die there.

I had all of these brain cells telling me to keep pushing ahead coupled with an insane range of emotions running through my head. The stress I was under was crippling. I cried during dinner with a friend last month. Straight up sobbing in public for over 30 minutes, unable to turn it off. It overpowered me.

I was so exhausted, on edge, and full of emotions. I couldn’t do anything about it — like get therapy or sign up for a yoga class — because that costs money. I wasn’t about to incur a credit card balance of any kind in my quest for financial freedom.

So yeah, it was a real mess upstairs. All alone... with my loans.

Would it ever end?

Paying My Loans Alone Might Have Been The Best Thing To Happen To Me

Yeah, you read that right.

I kept reminding myself about the why. Constantly. Asking myself little questions when the going was the roughest.

Why are you doing this? Because I don’t want to celebrate my 32nd birthday with a student loan statement.

Why are you doing this? Because I want my credit score to improve.

Why are you doing this? Because you can’t tell me I made the wrong decision to get an education.

Why are you doing this? Because I am in love with myself and will not let that girl get hurt.

Why are you doing this? Because I am losing my future to debt and I know it.

The more I kept doing this, asking questions and answering them, the more I realized that the answers contained really important granular details.

It wasn’t that I didn’t want to grow old with student loans (although let’s be real — I didn’t). I was, and still am, changing on the inside. I knew it. This was an entire chapter of my life that needed to come to a close because keeping it going was preventing every other chapter from beginning. Sitting around with it was, essentially, my long death in the snow. On a less serious note, I’m fond of the pop culture tie-in. Game of Thrones is ending this month... and so did my loan payments.

I’d say it’s bittersweet, but it’s not. I’m not going to miss this part of my life. It’s time for the next chapter to start. If anything, I cannot wait for this part! This chapter will contain more journeys and adventures, unlike any other narrative I had before.

I want to write a book, something non-fiction that has multiple drafts on my desktop and has been a work in progress for years.

i want to get a ton of dental work. Priority number one.

I want to travel. I forgot how much I like to go to places! Italy and Monte Carlo, please. Miami for Ultra 2020. Travel will beget another kind of movement, too.

I plan to aggressively pursue true love to the extent I did with my loan repayments. In terms of personal goals, this one is going to be huge. After 10 years of dating, it’s time to get out of this single person clown car. I’m enlisting the help of my girlfriends, paying for eHarmony, and deleting the free dating apps for the real thing. Calling all soulmates — I’m debt free now and did it all on my own. That’s hot! (Serious inquiries only.)

Paying off my loan allowed me to return to my dreams. Now that I know what I’m capable of, I feel confident I can reach each one. I really do.

Living starts when you get the hell out of student debt. Do whatever it takes now, remember to keep asking yourself about the “why,” and do not give up until you’re running past the finish line.

Be your own champion!

#personal #student loans

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bigskydreaming · 5 years

Text

LOL, any time I try and make plans or estimates, the universe is like hahahaha, surprise, fuck-o! so, you think I’d stop doing that but I never learn, OH WELL.

Anyway, obvsly didn’t update LC like I thought I was going to last week, but my previous intentions laid out in that post still hold, just....slower. Got yet another CT scan to get done today, so off to that in a few, but let’s call this Lightning Crashes, Chapter 6A for now, with the actual fic actually updated once all three parts of Chapter 6 are ready.

CHAPTER 6A

Two more anticlimactic weeks into the most exciting thing to ever happen to her, Kira was forced to come to one of two conclusions:

1) She was completely paranoid, delusional and a bit of a narcissist, convinced everyone and their mother was out to get her or at least drive her nuts

2) She really was the focus of some secret, shadowy government agency that employed adorable five foot tall freshmen with scraggly peach fuzz in place of the facial hair they were in a clear hurry to grow because who knows, masculinity merit badges or whatever. Boys are weird.

Anyway. It was definitely one of those two things. Problem was, she had no idea which.

She didn’t feel like she was in a super big hurry to get confirmation one way or the other though, no matter how crazy it was making her. So she made an abrupt heel turn and noped her way in the opposite direction when she saw Scott Vasquez waiting anxiously outside her English classroom.

Lurking, she meant. That was definite lurking behavior, no matter if said lurker was shuffling his feet, biting his lip and looking all sorts of nervous and cute while running a hand through his hair. The movement made the bicep beneath his long-sleeved shirt go all taut and…muscle-y. And…oh my god what was she doing, what was wrong with her, do not crush on your stalker Kira, he is not cute, what is your brain damage even. Maybe she had Stockholm Syndrome. Did that still count if he was just stalking her and hadn’t actually kidnapped her yet?

Yet? YET? Oh good god, where was an intervention when she needed one? She needed better friends, clearly, there would be no kidnapping, PERIOD, what the hell self, that is not relationship goals!

UGH WHY WAS SHE THINKING ABOUT A RELATIONSHIP IN THE CONTEXT OF WEIRDO CUTE BOY WHO WAS STALKING HER???

“Kira, wait up!” She heard Scott call out behind her and her skin did that weird tingling thing that made her blood start to buzz like liquid lightning crackling through her veins. Rude, even his voice was hot, it was all deep but soft and how dare evil government agencies employ not just cute boys but cute boys with hot, throaty voices, that was just genius and downright…insidious.

“Sorry, I’m late to class!” Kira yelled over her shoulder and quickened her steps. She could hear him jogging to keep up, not even breathing hard, because of course he was athletic too.

“Umm, I know, we’re in the same English class. It’s back that way?”

“No habla ingles!”

…she clearly was not qualified for like, any of this.

Scott pulled ahead of her and turned around so he was walking backwards. He held his hands out in front of him in an obvious effort to come off as safe and non-threatening, making no move to come any closer even when she skidded to a stop. He looked…concerned. And maybe even a little amused?

“What?” She snapped when seconds continued to tick by without another word from him. He blinked and then shook his head like coming out of a daze.

“Sorry, I just, that was kinda funny because we’re also in the same Spanish class, y’know?”

Her face burned. Right. That.

“Well, its not like I could pretend to speak anything else. Just because I’m Korean and Japanese doesn’t mean I actually speak either of those things, okay?”

His brow furrowed. “I didn’t assume you did?”

She deflated. Everyone always said the best defense was a good offense but nobody ever mentioned that staying on the offensive was really hard when the other person refused to get offended.

“Well. Good.”

He nodded then and took a deep breath, visibly steeling himself. Which was all kinds of weird, because what did HE have to be nervous about? He was the one stalking HER!

“Okay, so. Look. I’m really sorry for like, all of this. We went about this all wrong and I don’t blame you for being freaked out and I’d like to start over and just…can we go somewhere and talk? And I can try and explain? Anywhere you want, just not…here here.”

That was not remotely something she was prepared for. Not that she was prepared for any of this. Whatever the hell this was. She took a step back, trying to gauge his sincerity even as she became aware for the first time that they were still in the middle of the hall and it was in between classes. While other students were giving them a wide berth, there was no shortage of curious glances being thrown their way. Her skin tingled again. She was not at all used to being the center of attention and this did not feel anywhere near as rewarding as it seemed in her occasional (well, rare, really rare) daydreams about being super popular.

After a few moments of consideration, she huffed an aggravated breath that blew stray hair out of her face and stomped over to an out of the way alcove where a little-used exit led to a small outdoor study area. She did not exude grace. Scott gave her a few seconds head start, and then when she stopped in the alcove and made no attempt to go outside, he hesitantly joined her in the out of the way doorway. Still in clear view of everyone in the hall but no longer right in the midst of everything.

He made an effort to still leave a few feet of separation between them, out of arms’ reach. Which she did not appreciate exactly, because she did not appreciate any of this and wanted that on record. But she did note it. Unfortunately, Kira also noted that the less threatening he became, the more aware of his obnoxious cuteness she became. And she was not a fan.

Its not like she’d ever spent a ton of time contemplating what her priorities would be should she ever star in some government conspiracy young adult dystopian adventure. But she’d always kinda assumed that at the very least she’d be able to go five seconds without concentrating on the way the mysterious secrecy boy in said adventure had soft brown eyes that managed to sparkle even though that was not an adjective normally associated with that particular eye color. Seriously, how was he doing that. Stop it.

Oh thank god, her ire was back.

“Look, I may not know what’s going on here, but let’s make one thing clear,” Kira hissed in a low voice. She was the one to close the distance between them, which…why, as she stepped forward and jabbed a finger at his chest. He didn’t flinch. She did though, kinda, because his pecs were like rock solid, what the hell, this was so unfair. “I don’t care who you are, but I, mister, am no Bella Swan.”

Scott blinked. His mouth fell open a little as he tilted his head, his eyes going distant and a little glazed as she could almost see his thoughts racing behind them, trying to figure something out. Then they focused again and he looked down at her with a frown.

“I don’t know who that is,” he admitted. “Is she in one of our classes?”

She stared. “What? No. Twilight?”

His frown deepened. He looked around the hall for a second, landing on a patch of sunlight on the floor beneath a window. Then he looked back at her, his eyes crinkling with something that vaguely registered as concern.

“Kira, it’s ten in the morning.”

What? “Yeah, I know. How do you not know what Twilight is? By Stephanie Meyer? Bella Swan, Edward Cullen, you seriously have no idea what I’m talking about?”

Scott’s face cleared, eyes widening and cheeks darkening slightly. The top of his ears reddened. “Oh right, sorry,” he said, obviously embarrassed. Ew, now she felt bad and also he was back to being cute. Why was she even bothering at this point. “The book. Got it. Sorry, I haven’t read it. Is it good?”

Her brain had broken like, at least ten minutes ago, so she decided to let her mouth just do whatever. It’s not like an actual filter had contributed anything useful to this conversation.

“I mean, its not bad, but I wouldn’t call it good exactly. I was talking more about the movie anyway, but…oh my god this is not the point. I’m just…look, so there’s a girl in it and she gets involved in all this weird stuff because of the hot vampire boy in her class and it felt like there were parallels to this whatever that all this is. So I’m just saying, I am no Bella Swan because I think she gets a lot of criticism that’s not totally fair but at the same time she definitely makes choices that I think are dumb and that’s all. I was just clarifying that do not expect that I am someone who will make dumb choices just because. Ugh you know what, just forget it.”

She wanted to melt into a puddle five seconds after her brain did catch up and realized she’d basically told him she’d categorized him as her hot YA love interest. But in the one bit of good fortune bestowed on her and her dignity today, that was not the part he’d fixated on. If anything, he looked weirdly insulted.

“Wait, do you think I’m a vampire?”

She stared at him helplessly.

“You know what, I don’t even care if you’re gonna axe murder me or abduct me to take part in some weird government experiments. Fine, let’s have your freaking conversation. Come on.”

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i-write-shakespeare-not-disney · 5 years

Text

Director’s Commentary- Love For You, insomnia scene

my comments are in bold italics <3 this one’s also longer than the last two

Later that night, once the twins had gone to sleep, Lance began to play a game on his PlayStation to distract himself. He could feel the heaviness of his eyelids, but he was terrified of what would be behind them. He focused instead of the CGI soccer players, his fingers moving almost of their own accord.

He stayed there for hours until he heard the engine of Keith’s car. Then the keys in the lock. Then the door opened.

“What are you doing up?” Keith asked, surprised. When I wrote this, I kind of already had a very frustrated, sleep-deprived Lance in mind. Keith’s been working late for a while, so coming home to see Lance still awake was surprising and the first thing he thought to comment on. Lance hasn’t explained that his PTSD was acting up more, so Keith is kind of oblivious right now.

“Playing,” Lance said simply.

“Okay… well, what’d you make for dinner?”

“Nothing. Violet ate cereal and the boys didn’t want to eat anything. They’ve been picky all day.”

It was quiet for a moment. Keith sat beside him and scratched his head. “Charlie and Oliver didn’t eat today?”

Something about his tone made Lance tense. “Not much,” he said carefully. “I made food. I offered them food. They would throw it or just drop it on the floor.” This whole section was based off things I’ve seen at home. Or just things I’ve experienced. Here, asking about dinner is just casual conversation for Keith. He’s also been used to coming home to leftovers int he microwave for him as described in an earlier part. As for the twins, they’re little here, and I remember my mom leaving with my siblings or even now my baby sister (who I based the twins off of very often), and sometimes she’ll come home and be upset with me for not feeding her. But you know, Lance is the one taking care of them, he’s the one who deals with the tantrums and as much as you might want your baby to eat, if they’re being picky that day, nothing you do will get them to eat. He just didn’t want Keith to start lecturing him when he wasn’t the one taking care of the kids in that way.

And that was also based off my parents. I saw how easy it was for my stepdad to snap at my mom about treating my baby sister (his first kid, her fourth) a certain way and I as an observer understood my mom’s side. He didn’t see how fussy she could be or how spoiled she could act or just the change in behavior when he’s not there versus when he is, so yeah it was easy for him to reprimand my mom but my mom would tell him “you’re not with her all day, don’t even start with me” kind of thing.

Keith hummed and stood up again. Lance refocused on his game. He knew he had to tell Keith about earlier that day. The thing was he didn’t know how without making Keith think he was just a bad father.

“Alright, well, I’m going to bed,” Keith said. Lance was expecting a touch on the shoulder, a hand running through his hair, something that would tell him to turn for goodnight kiss.

Instead, all he heard was the click of a door shutting softly. Lance bit his lip and kept playing. He wanted to play until he was too exhausted to dream. Here, these last three paragraphs, I was trying to convey the distance. Keith feels like Lance is distant, and he doesn’t know what to do. And on his end he’s also really tired from work and hasn’t had a chance to just be with his family so he’s kind of out of it too. But Lance was also shutting him out, not facing him to talk, keeping his response short. So neither of them were really giving each other something to go off of. Lance didn’t show he needed some form of touch and Keith was getting the idea that Lance didn’t want him there.

He hadn’t realized how much time had passed before he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped and dropped the controller with a gasp.

“Whoa, easy,” Keith croaked with a sleep-ridden voice. “Lance, it’s almost four in the morning. Come to bed.”

Lance rubbed his eyes and sighed. “Why are you awake?”

“I woke up for a bit and realized you weren’t there. Then I heard the game. Come on.” Lance hesitated and grabbed his controller. “Lance,” Keith said sternly. “You’re not a teenager I need to be reprimanding. Let’s go to sleep and-”

Again, this was kind of based off of my parents. Well, the gaming is based off my other sister’s dad who would play them all the time. The comment Keith makes in the last paragraph is from my parents. My mom has said offhandedly that my stepdad was sometimes like another kid she had to take care of. And she’s told him that in arguments usually less severe ones like where to go eat or something because he can’t make up his mind (but she cant either so tf??). But again, when I was writing the way I saw it was that hesitance was Lance trying to figure out how to say “hey this shit has been going on with me and I need you” but Keith took it as Lance ignoring him, so then his next comment is from frustration, but to Lance, it was something that stopped him from talking.

“I don’t want to sleep!” he snapped. He rubbed his eyes again and turned the game console off quickly, throwing the controller aside in frustration. Keith said his name wearily, and Lance turned to him. “What? I fucking shut it off.”

“Easy.” I feel like a lot of people can probably see the growth in Keith here. He’s very much trying not to lose his patience, and that’s something that comes from parenting. To him, it’s like wtf why is Lance getting so snippy so quick? But to Lance, he feels like he’s being brushed aside and even y’know TREATED like a little kid.

“Jesus fuck.” Keith narrowed his eyes. “I don’t want to sleep, Keith. I don’t want to go to bed. I don’t want to dream. Okay? I-I want you to come home when you’re supposed to so I’m not fucking terrified. I want you to come home and ask if I was okay, not just about the twins, not just for dinner.” I think this part was definitely to show what Lance felt when Keith got home, but also to just show that shift in an adult relationship with kids. It’s reality. You’re not each other’s priority as much anymore unless there’s a conscious effort for it which should always come back (for example in this fic when Lance arranges for a date night). For Keith, his kids are the first priority. And it goes for Lance too, but at this moment he needs to feel like Keith’s priority and he hasn’t voiced that until this moment. Hence the reason- Confusion began to coat Keith’s features, but Lance was already rambling. “I don’t want you talking to me like a little kid, (oh hey I mentioned this before. Good job me, nice to know we’re still on the same page) I want you to notice if something’s wrong, I want you to realize without me telling you that I haven’t been able to sleep for the last couple days and I want you to just-” Lance let his arms fall to his sides uselessly, not sure what he wanted from Keith. And all of this is soooo valid! Especially seeing it from Lance’s POV, we see how badly he needs that. But one thing I like about different povs is that we have to think about the same scene in another perspective. So what would Keith be thinking? Which I mean he says next, but still-

Once he’d been quiet for a while, Keith walked around the couch and stood in front of him. “I know something’s wrong. I told you to ask about the therapy, and you don’t want to. I don’t want to keep pushing you to do something you don’t want to do, so I can’t… I can’t do anything.” This is just a very honest answer. There are some problems people can have that require a certain type of attention. And here, Keith is caught in a hard place. He wants to respect that Lance doesn’t want a therapist, but he also doesn’t know what more he can do as a husband to help. And he only knows so much about the insomnia because Lance isn’t talking about it. And Lance mentions later something like “talking doesn’t fix it, so what’s the point?” and that was based off my own frustrations with depression. I wanted to fix it, but no matter how much I talked through it wasn’t going away, it was just being picked apart. And if a therapist can’t “fix it” neither can my friends, or in this case, his husband. Which is something Keith sees, but Lance doesn’t want to acknowledge. Especially with the amount of work Keith is putting in, he’s limited on his time. Again though, for Lance that does feel half-assed. Lance scoffed and walked away from him. He felt Keith’s hand close around his wrist to stop him. “Lance, I’m only working this much so I can relax for a whole week with you and the kids. Tomorr- well, today’s my last day before my break.”

Lance pulled his hand free and went to the kitchen to grab a glass of water. “Yeah, okay.” It was quiet and Lance figured Keith had gone back to bed. But when he turned around, he gasped and nearly dropped his water when he saw his husband waiting. I wanted this to serve as proof of Keith trying to be there trying to figure out what he could do. In this case, not walking away. He doesn’t want to leave Lance alone, he just also doesn’t know what more to do to help ease the trauma. “For fuck’s sake,” he breathed, trying to get a grip on himself.

Keith’s eyebrows furrowed together and he walked toward him. “Lance? Baby, you’re safe now.” Keith pried the cup from his hands and wrapped his arms around him. “You’re safe with me, okay?”

Lance nodded and hid his face in the crook of Keith’s neck, letting himself close his eyes. “I’m sorry,” Lance mumbled. “I’m so sorry. I know you’re working for us, and I know you’re doing everything you can. I’m sorry.” Keith hushed him gently. “I just miss you.” At this point, it’s kind of settled in with Keith that oh hey- his husband NEEDS SOME DAMN AFFECTION. And it’s also a moment for Lance to just try his best to show that he’s trying to be aware, but he needs Keith more than they need money in that moment. The problem is, with adults, the problems always come down to money.

“I’m right here,” Keith promised. “Come on, come to bed with me. Get a little rest.” Keith pulled away and kept his hand in Lance’s, leading him to the bedroom.

Lance wrapped his arms around Keith as he laid down, comforted by his soft breaths against his collarbone. He swallowed back his fear and let himself fall asleep. While he dreamed of war, he didn’t dream long enough for it to wake him up in a panic.

Instead, he woke up to Violet and the twins coming into his room asking for breakfast. And an empty bed. Honestly this last sentence is just foreshadowing. It holds the loneliness and defeat that Lance feels at the moment, but also in a logical sense, what could he expect? Keith had to go to work early. BUT ALSO- shouldn’t a couple kiss the other goodbye before leaving? BUT THEN- what if Keith didn’t want to wake him since he was finally getting some rest? Lots of layers and questions here, but in the end it is that heavy feeling of more distance.

I don’t know. I don’t want to justify one more than the other. Because at this point, yes both of them are kind of lacking in effort. Though, in real life, people aren’t always putting in all the amount of effort they can or should. That’s where issues happen. You know, Keith could have done more, he could have kissed him when he got home, he could have talked with him more, he could have plainly asked “what can I do to make this easier for you?” But he’s also in his own space and world and that’s taking him from these moments. There are also moments in which Lance could have offered more- he could have asked Keith to stay in the living room with him, he could have looked at him when Keith sat down beside him, he could have said, “okay I’ll try the therapist once, but if it doesn’t work can we work out a different schedule for your job?”

There is always ALWAYS something that could be done to keep arguments from happening with married couples with families. But as I’ve seen since I was little, there’s also a lot that doesn’t happen or stuff that shouldn’t happen but does and it all affects future events. In this story, I’m trying to show that neither of them is without fault. Because that’s just real life, you know?

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