#I just have a lot of feelings about the abstract parallels that you could find between Talia & Jason

[spacedace]

Had an idea, thought I'd make it a prompt, 3k+ words later realized this wasn't a prompt anymore but a ficlet 🙃

Anyway, here's the first almost 2k of Talia being a good parent and deciding to not go with either Bruce or Ra's and go off and do her own thing and raise Damian and oops she got attached to Jason while checking in on Bruce and saved him from dying in Ethiopia. & now has 2 sons lol

-

When her Beloved and her father demanded Talia make a choice, of who she would choose, she didn't hesitate.

She chose neither of them. She chose her child. She chose herself.

Outwitting both Ra's al Ghul and Batman was no simple feat. They were both brilliant, relentless and with endless resources at their command. It was why their clashes were as devastating as they were. Immovable objects and unstoppable forces the both of them. If there was something they wanted, it was something they would have.

But not her.

They would not have her.

She had her own networks, her own people, her own keen intelligence and sharp cunning. It took time - time she really didn't have - and a great deal of pain and loss, but she slipped them eventually. Shrugged off the shroud of who she had been - who she was made to be - and stepped confidently into her new life.

Her son was born nine days after her freedom had finally, fully been assured.

He was small and perfect in every way. Soft and warm cradled close to her chest, unblemished by the cruelty of the world as he slept soundly in her arms. Even as exhausted as she was after such a long labor, she couldn't bring herself to sleep. Her attention narrowed down entirely on his every quiet breath, his downy soft hair, his round peaceful face.

In the weeks that followed his eyes would shift and change from a newborn's blue to her own green. It would take years before she could know if he inherited any of his father's features, but that was fine. He was hers and hers alone.

She named him Damian.

In another life she would name him with her father in mind. That her son would rise as Heir to the Demon and conquer the world. That he'd stand as ruler of all.

In this one, she named him with hope in her heart that what he would master was his own life. That he would never be forced to bow to the will of anyone else. To be made to act as servant or puppet. Let him tame his fate into something good and kind and happy.

She did her best to give him the life he deserved.

Lavished him with all her love and affection. Gave him everything he could ever want or need. The friends she began making for herself - not just trusted allies, but friends - laughed that she would spoil him rotten. It was probably true, but she didn't have it in her to care.

Her son would have the childhood he would have been denied if raised raised in the home of either of their fathers. Her father would have demand harsh lessons and frightened obedience and impossible standards. Damian's would have tried - she knew her Beloved would have tried - but his heart would always be for his city first and all else, even his children, second.

Talia kept tabs on both of them, covertly. Ensured she always kept a healthy distance from anything that involved her father or his people. Gathered stories of her Beloved's exploits to share with her son when he was old enough to hear them.

It gave her insight on just what choosing her Beloved would have meant. Reassured her that while not choosing her father had been the right choice, choosing her Beloved would have been the wrong one.

Bruce Wayne was a good man. Brilliant and driven with his kind heart and admirable goals. Breathtaking in his skill and ability.

Disappointing in his parenting skills.

Talia knew she was lacking as a parent herself. That her own upbringing had left its scars and that try as she might she'd undoubtedly end up doing the same to her own child over the years. But she always pushed herself hard towards improving, in making herself better for the tiny boy that she loved more than anything else. And she felt satisfied that in the very least that when presented with options on how her and her son's life would be, she'd made the one that was best for Damian.

Not the life of an assassin or a vigilante, but the life of a child.

A child who was taught some of the skills of both the worlds she'd turned her back on, admittedly, but only ever for his own protection. Damian was safer knowing how to hide, how to escape, how to fight. She had done her best, but there was always the looming threat that they might be found one day. She needed to be sure he was ready, if that time ever come.

She didn't teach him the way she was taught.

When her son fumbled or failed she gently corrected him. Walked him through what he'd done wrong, how he could improve. Made a game out of the experience so that he came running up to her on toddling feet with bright eyes begging that they have a lesson. His excitement and delight in it all made him a better student then her fear and desperate need for her father's approval and affection.

There was a day she caught sight of him, all of four years old, tiny face scrunched in a look of concentration as he practiced the form she'd taught him the day before with his small, wooden practice sword. Some of his father's features lingered at the edges of his face, but he'd deepened his resemblance to her by picking up her mannerisms and expressions. Her son, going through the same steps and motions she had when she'd been his age, little body wobbling as he turned to fast before plopping on the ground with a tiny oof.

Talia had small silver scars on the back of her hands, so thin and so old as to nearly be invisible anymore. They burned all the same as she recalled herself stumbling in nearly the same way. Stomach churning as she remembered the terror she'd felt as her instructor had snatched her up by her hair and drug her over to a low table, holding her hands in place with a massive hand. The way she'd bit her lip hard enough that her mouth filled with blood as he struck her with the thin lash, knowing that if she cried the punishment would be all the worse.

Damian only blinked his big green eyes and scowled the same way she did whenever something of minor importance didn't go the way she wanted it to. Then he saw her standing there in the doorway watching him and his face lit up, bright as the son and just as beautiful as he jumped to his feet and darted over to her. Tiny hand clinging to the loose fabric of her pant leg as he begged her show me again Mama!

It was moments like that where she knew beyond any shadow of a doubt she'd made the right choice.

Her father would have broken her brilliant, kind hearted son. Would have done to him what was done to her to forge Damian into a weapon.

Her beloved...

He would never hurt her son like that. Not the way her father and his loyal followers would. But she couldn't ignore the fact that Damian would still be hurt all the same under his father's tutelage.

Talia knew the man she loved well. Adored his strengths, but was not blind to his flaws. He kept his heart well guarded, hidden behind imposing walls of silence and razor wire of words he didn't truly mean. Still kind, but horribly distant when it came to those he cared for most. It shielded him some, perhaps, but it left those who loved him feeling lost and alone.

She saw how Dick Grayson had grown over the years. Tall and clever and lonely and bitter. Fighting for independence, for acknowledgement, for his father to speak words of love and respect. Things Bruce felt but almost never said unless he thought things were dire.

She saw too how the heavy weight of her Beloved's priorities weighed up on his second son.

Young Jason Todd who saw magic in the harsh world he'd been drawn into and desired to be the protection for others that he never had growing up. She saw much of herself in him, though he faced the world with far more hope than she had at his age. He was a bright boy with a good heart that had weathered a harsh upbringing that Talia could sympathize with. There was a familiar anger in him too, broiling just beneath the surface, flaring up and burning him as much as everyone else when triggered.

Most of all though Talia could see the desperate loneliness that had marred her own life in the boy. The soul deep fear of abandonment. The painful desire for love from a father that always seemed to stay at arm's length who spoke rarely of affection and often of missions to be completed.

She kept a close eye on her Beloved's second Robin.

When he left for Ethiopia, searching for family in a stranger that had already given him up, she'd followed.

Jason only ever wanted family and love. A good boy, bright and fierce and brave. A boy Talia saw a lot of herself in, who faced the world with such determined brightness in spite of the pain and hardship he'd known.

Shelia Haywood took that boy that Talia had grown so fond of, took his trust and his love and crushed it beneath her heel. Callously handed him over to the Joker without a second thought. As if he was disposable, as if he was nothing more than a puppet to use and toss away when it suited her.

Talia had risked everything when she'd decided she would not choose either her father or her Beloved. She'd turned her back on her entire life, everything that had ever been and ever could be on either side. She spent months running, hiding, fighting and killing, in orchestrating a plan that could outwit and outmaneuver the two most brilliant men she knew. And she'd done it all so that her son could live free, as master of his own life.

Jason Todd had come to Ethiopia looking for a mother.

Talia, with blood on her hands and a burning warehouse behind her as she carried his broken body to safety, made sure he found one.

#batman #batman au #talia al ghul #damian al ghul #damian wayne #jason todd #talia al ghul is a good parent #good parent talia al ghul #protective talia al ghul #jason doesn't die #Talia ends up catching Bruce's adoption habit oops #Bruce isn't a bad parent in this exactly #he's just not a good parent either #he loves his kids but his priorities are fucked up and his communication skills are worse than a literal rock's #I just have a lot of feelings about the abstract parallels that you could find between Talia & Jason #And about how Talia could be the mother that doesn't abandon or betray him #believe it or not I think I make this a dpxdc thing #got ideas about introducing Jazz to this whole mess lol #we'll see what happens #Jason - terribly concussed coming to in a private jet with Talia casually reading across from him #Jason: Am I being kidnapped? #Talia - gently and reassuringly: Oh no no no #Jason: Can I leave? #Talia: No. #Damian is gonna lose his damn mind over getting a big brother #Jason was gonna try and escape and go back to Gotham but Damian is just so cute? And loves him so much? And Talia is being so nice?

[musical-chick-13]

Every day, the urge to write that Band AU gets stronger and stronger.

#trust me my dude there are a lot of parallels you could make between devil-hunting and the music industry #how ruthlessness and erosion of your sense of self are held up as not only admirable but NECESSARY in order to survive the environment #having to work with/for objectively horrible people but 'oh we put up with them because they're just so GOOD at their job they have #ABILITIES that we NEED it's a...dare I say...necessary evil' #'this job will kill me long before any of my horrible coping mechanisms do' #how fear means guaranteed failure in both circumstances... #'you'd have to be insane to sign up for this job' #a romanticized idea of 'insanity' being praised as genius/skill but only the right KIND of '''insanity''' #it's so difficult and dangerous (physically or emotionally) but for various and often personal reasons you just can't make yourself leave... #'you're all expendable and we can easily find 10 new versions of you' #in both you have to fight the abstract or literal manifestations of fears/people's inner demons/personal issues day after day after day... #the prevalence of addiction and psychological issues that come from the stress and destructive qualities of that environment......... #training from hell to 'make you stronger' because 'that's how it is in the real world' #'don't form attachments because this job will do everything it can to take them away from you' #...yeah #they're basically the same thing #I mayhaps. have too many unresolved feelings. about The Person I Used To Be.

[clare-with-no-i]

Hi Clare! Would you consider theogony James to be a bit patriarchal, considering ancient greek society ? I'm curious about your thought.

hi hi hi! thanks for the question.

so I think it's sort of unavoidable that theogony James has some 'patriarchal' (I would probably tend to use a diff descriptor because patriarchy is to me very much a system and a theory, not so much a personality trait but I do absolutely get what you're saying) values – although I still have trouble grasping a lot of the social norms or larger sociological trends that historians have articulated about Ancient Greece, it would be both naive and plainly ahistorical to say that it was a society that allowed for women's liberation as we understand it today. so there are absolutely moments where James falls into the trappings of the Classical Athenian value systems, because to write otherwise would be to take both myself and the reader out of the setting. for example: he is – although often involuntarily, impulsively – territorial over Lily in a way that I try not to write as romantic but rather just a consequence of her being his wife, and therefore legally his property; he doesn't discuss matters of war with her because he thinks it would be overwhelming to her sensibilities as a woman. he is both comfortable with and actually repeatedly leaning toward violence at times that would be deemed inappropriate today (and rightfully so). throughout the story, we see both James and Sirius regarding non-Athenians outside of their inner circle with a sort of derision that betrays their belief in/desire for Athenian cultural hegemony and imperial growth.

that being said, it would be a betrayal of James's character to have him be 1) flagrantly irredeemably sexist or 2) a person that does not question the aspects of society that he finds problematic or unfair. in canon, he's a privileged wealthy charismatic boy with a respected bloodline; he could easily just ride out the war without getting his hands dirty. but he doesn't! he chooses to actively participate in the dismantling of a neofascist system, and he loses his life because of it. because of this, I found room to write him with parallel traits in theogony: he was raised with two strong maternal figures whom he respects and reveres; he objects to the harsh practices of banishment which brought Sirius to his doorstep; he reckons with the way that war perverts and corrodes perception of other cultures. one of the most telling moments along that vein comes in the battle of plataea chapter:

"Much, much later, James would learn the truth of it—that neither Darius nor Xerxes were sent from Tártaros to torment the Greek people, that no Persian man is lesser than a Greek just because he obeys the order of his king. That all of these kings are just men, plagued by desire and standing atop it.”

I think as well, and this is just me being self indulgent, I have no desire to write a romantic lead who has any interest in denying his partner rights, which means that I take whatever liberties I feel are appropriate to make him a person worth rooting for and a character that (at least in the abstract) resembles the James Potter we love from canon. I have written him to be more progressive in some ways than is probably fitting for the era, but one of the things I fall back on is that being born into social and financial privilege gives a person the freedom to live their own values. given his family's status and his own position as a general of the army, he can afford to skirt around some social barriers that other people may not – we see this throughout the story often through Lily, who is of course getting a very sanitized version of Athenian life as a result of James's various birthrights.

so there you go! tl;dr is yes, but only in the ways I can't bring myself to mitigate because of a commitment to (some semblance of) historical accuracy, lol.

#ask #anon #theogony #theogony spoilers #discourse

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary15

9/19-20/2023

less exhausted now than yesterday.

i got 5 songs re-mixed today, which puts me at 13/25 (yes there are songs i forgot i had to work on and there's one i added that's out already but i should redo it for like, bandcamp and spotify/whatever (and there's some i'm still not counting because they're pretty simple and honestly i feel like they won't be too difficult)).

today i did get really happy doing all of this at least, i had a breakthrough w/ the guitar processing stuff that's at least gonna help a lot on some of these songs/tones, where i use something that simulates a lossy mp3 and stick it early in the chain, parallel with something, and then use the chime-y sound that it creates, essentially a warbly reactive bandpass with some random elements, and it helps add a sense of real guitar, it also helps un-deaden and de-cotton-ball some of the sounds, but i think i can work on that still. there's an answer somewhere to that problem.

maybe i can go do that now, who knows. i've got some loose time i guess but i should actually let myself relax, all the best ideas come to me when i'm not overworking myself. i think partially the problem is the sound loses a lot of dynamics/transients which would give it more textural shape.

it's also just the nature of distortion. stacking so much makes the sound, i dunno, rounder, or not round, it's sharp, but it's kind of like razor thin in ways. i like the razor part, and i like thin, but i want it to be a little more present, i think that means needing some more low end, it could be a situation where there's two channels, one maintaining the lower end.

also what the hell is up with impulse response cabinet things and them sounding so freaking, i dunno, weak.

whatever. but this is all my life is right now. kinda. tomorrow i'm going to do errands (woo (actually crying but whatever)) and hopefully i'll get to do some of the short songs before i am whisked away.

oh my god i can get post-grunge impulse responses. honestly i could on a lark but honestly no thanks i don't need to fool around with an impulse response based on the guitar cabs the guy from hoobastank uses. what is the point.

there's people who would see that and say they're going to make the most fucked up music ever using that, like a dare, i'm going to be brave and say that i am too good for that. even if i'm stupid and cleaning up a 25 song (+ more) mess. maybe i sound like i hate fun but i just hate what some people treat as fun, or i don't hate it. i just feel bored and frustrated by it cuz it's like, i'm gonna handle trash and act above it and also extol it because x y or z and it's a lame impulse and also i guess gently tied to some weird revivalist bent people can take up.

sorry for bitching and moaning about something that's essentially really specific and dumb.

listening to other fucked up guitar music makes me feel good about where my stuff is at, it's like i can figure out some tiny things and get it where it needs to be. i think as it stands the biggest issue could really be the bass sounds, they still come out a bit loud, which is an easy thing to fix, i just wonder if lowering the db is actually what i should do, but what else, who knows.

vocals also are a bit tough but they always are, you just find where they sit and stick them there, is how i feel about it.

who knows how much longer this whole mixing talk is gonna go on for. it could be my life forever. i don't want it to be, i want to write again soon but my mind is wholly on this, on the communion w/ soundwaves through abstract graphical and numerical means. an extremely material circumstance i think.

i got distracted from my #superimportant diary by a conversation with a friend, it's veered into a discussion of when we've felt insulted by artists people compare us to. the two of us have been burroughs'd by people, and not to say he's a bad writer or anything, but it's not what either of us are going for, and it's interesting how people can be really appreciative of what you're doing or something and vocalize that, and you can sit there and feel, in the wake of someone being really nice to you, and honest with you, and a lot of things i feel like i should appreciate, i am left incapable because of a bad taste. this isn't what happens even most of the time with comparisons, especially with my music. it's always nice to hear what people think. often they feel kind of left field, but good, or they're so left field it's like, i'm glad you got that out of it, but something about how people do it with writing in particular, there's a level of people treating your voice like it's a party trick and a condescension i guess.

it's also such an asshole thing to complain about someone being nice to you, but at the end of everything, it's just whatever, it's a thing. i think i'm allowed to ruminate when it's something that's a strange feature of my life. it's an ugly kind of rock formation i see that isn't a terrible eyesore but it's strange the earth's mantle and crust and everything conspired towards that, and the strangeness not so great and not especially meaningful, you are just put before it and nod at it and think about it later, i guess.

i shouldn't have to justify everything about my life or inside my head but i do i guess cuz i'm cuhrayzzzzeeeeeeee.

when i type like that i feel like i'm actually getting myself across, not in a way where like, i know someone understands, it's just letting something deeper inside out. it's how i actually feel and i guess no one could understand why it makes me feel, i dunno, whatever cluster of things it makes me feel.

i just remembered ryuichi sakamoto's passing, and almost cried, might cry, kidn of crying, crying.

not much to say about it, just a real tragedy, a real legend and genius. i love him a lot.

it's a bad idea to listen to forbidden colors, but i will.

what a perfect articulation of something, that song. i don't know why sakamoto is one of the musician deaths that makes me the saddest, i really do cry over him more than any other, it's not new at all really, it's not fresh anymore and it still gets to me, and he was old, it wasn't shocking really. but i guess we all knew it was coming, those who keep up at least saw the stuff about his cancer. i think it's because his music and how he wrote music represents something fairly singular to me. it's hard to get me to sit and listen to anything classical adjacent, him doing solo piano stuff a lot makes that easier, since i love that anyways, but his particular interpretations of older kinds of music are just really moving. you can sense his entanglement with that music and the will to move past it, the recognition of others, through time.

now i'm thinking about house music. good house music always makes me really melancholy, even if the song is happy, endlessly joyless, really it's the joy that makes me sad, it makes the gulf apparent, i am here and now, and all the parties these old songs were made to keep going and start and end, never even expected me to be there. meaner kinds of dance music are what i end up making, because of that emotional reality. i guess it's not that house is uncomplicatedly happy or something either, dj sprinkles talks about that on an album. it's also where a lot of queer people collected themselves, and partied, but not really escaping a miserable material reality, things like that. the sense of loss and distance and alienation is greater now. only for a night, and in the night, do you and your body join, a question is asked, how long can the night go on for, and a journey starts there, and what are all the ways we can modulate time, and so on, not to escape, but to be embodied, to exit the escpaism that surrounds us at all times (something something the spectacle (which on some level includes dance music, especially now.))

us being general and not localized to queerness, only to the downtrodden, of which there are many.

this is a lame pick, but for these particular emotional reasons/resonances, the song i'm your brother by round one (basic channel basically) is one of the best house songs, it feels like it's speaking to that exactly.

and i guess i'll end this entry with a link to another dance song, colder, not house, but it's a song that perfectly captures how it feels to walk home from work at night, not liberated but feeling liberation on your tongue and that denial, the slim hours you have to live your life, all our desperate existences, and stuff.

byebye !!!!

#Youtube

[softbastard]

okay. i need someone to tell me if they do this too.

i dont know if this is connected to my adhd - it is highly possible - but for as long as i can remember, i almost always have some kind of abstract thought experiment running in my head, especially during conversations or when im just spacing out and thinking about smth else.

its abstract bc its stuff thats not rlly. important? a v common theme is f.ex. when i see my laptop or tv, where the exact veritkal or horizontal middle of the display is and i often also move my mouse cursor to the middle and etc. i just think about that, i look at the logos on the display or the laptop camera and keep thinking about it endlessly. there is not real goal, even after i figured out the middle line, i keep imagining it and thinking about it.

smtms its stuff i dont even know how to describe. i once thought about how you could add a styrofoam sphere to the corner of a table i think? like how to cut it, make it fit. idek if thats what it was but smth like that.

when i look at radiators, i keep trying to imagine the shadows "reversed" so that it looks like its sticking out opposite of how it is. thats maybe a bit of a more relatable thing so idk.

i smtms in grave detail try to figure out how to do a v useless thing, like how to cut smth in a specific way. i cannot think of any examples rn which is rlly frustrating but it essentially would be impractical in real life bc it has no purpose but the thought experiment is rlly intense and i think rlly intensly about how it can be done and i could technically do it irl in that specific way but it wouldnt be useful.

in the same way, if there is any pattern in front of me like on a blanket or tapestry, i think sooooo intensly about it. i remember i had a flamingo ikea blanket and as a kid i would spend so much time trying to think about how they printed on each color and how they would do it, on and on and on. i still do that bc i still have that blanket and i just keep staring at it smtms.

i remember there is this one show or movie? about an autistic woman who revolutionized how cows are being kept and handled and how she was diagnosed as a child. as her mom and the doctor talked, she stared at the tapestry and would kind of understand the pattern of said tapestry. for me i think? its less about pattern understanding (i think) but more about like analyzing it and i remember when i saw this i was so surprised bc i do stuff like this all the time in my head. just having these weird hypotheticals or analyzing things most of the time.

smtms it is also about real life, applicable things, f.ex. i once spend a lot of time trying to think about how to fix some pants bc the buttons kept popping off and i would just keep thinking about it. i eventually figured out a way but i didnt get to do it yet but kept looping in my head how i would do it, what i would need to buy and it just kept looping in my head essentially.

i also usually have an earworm and in the way it keeps playing parallel to my thoughts, its the same with these thoughts. it feels like a fidget toy for my thoughts - its not productive but deeply intriguing and keeps a part of me occupied.

it might v well be adhd but im not sure and id love to find some people who do smth similar? and hear their experiences!!!

#actually adhd #neurodivergent #neurodivergency #neurodiversity

[perpetual-fool]

-

Starting serious work on my conlang, and got swindled into watching a show.

I've worked out that fundamental meaning has to be a function between observations. I think I can abstract that to 'arguments' and 'premises', but I need to work out data types, what sort of things there are which could be premises. It shouldn't be that complicated, but I'm finding it hard to wrap my brain around it for some reason. I think that's because I'm trying to sort out my existing understanding, and much of that has been corrupted.

I kept seeing clips of the show online, it suggested something interesting was happening. Problem is, it's not, nothing's happening. Like, I would have to start with how things are, then see what develops from that. Instead, it's like characters are sort of vaguely pantomiming a plot, except the plot doesn't fit the circumstances or the characters. Like for instance, the character known for wantonly killing decided to spare the main antagonist for no reason, so that the antagonist can come back and antagonize later. And also there's no justification for the antagonist to antagonize, and everyone is trying to kill each other despite the fact that all of them are trying to achieve the same thing. Or, character makes a heartfelt plea to convince someone of something, but say nothing specific and make literally no argument about it. That is, there is no causal relationship between how the world is supposed to work and what's happening in the plot.

And I'm wondering if this is just a sloppy version of what actual people do. It does mirror a lot of their behavior. Ya' know, the truth is true whether or not it's valid, or whether it happened, or whether it even could happen. And the equation isn't that complex. If they're not starting from the premises then they must be starting from the argument. Oh! say, arguing over whether the ends justify the means. an argument without its premises. I have wasted so much fucking time trying to make myself understood. Last attempt, I had this whole thing about multiple phrasings, examples, counter-examples. But none of that will fix communication if the other party is actively trying to destroy it. Ambiguity for instance, I'm pretty sure that's a feature and not a bug. Like, off the top of my head I know three different versions of "argument", and they'd would decide which one(s) I meant here to justify imposing what they want onto me. That was actually the thing that tipped me off to the fact that it's them and not me. I'd clarify 'I mean term(a), not term(b)' and then they responded as though I meant term(b).

Honestly the most disappointing thing for me about season 2 is that they still refer to the timelines as 'sacred' or 'branched'. So like, (spoilers for Loki S1) the deal with 'the sacred timeline' was that it's the one He Who Remains came from, what was or was not a 'branch' and who was or was not a 'variant' was defined by HWR. But now HWR is dead, the terms no longer have any meaning. Every timeline is a branch, everyone is a variant. So it's like the writers don't even have the most basic grasp on their worldbuilding. Somehow that feels more significant to me than bad setups or nonsense plot. I guess maybe it was the most engaging thing they had going. Like, what's most interesting for me is when I have to reframe how I think about things. I'd love to hear a take on time travel that's not just 'the past rewrites the future' or 'there are parallel timelines'. Say, the scene where Loki is talking to OB in the past, and as it's happening in the past he remembers it in the future: if they'd actually justified that somehow that'd be cool. (Aside, variations of "you can't actually change anything" are cop-outs.) It makes sens that they wouldn't, you'd need to come up with an alternative causality, which would be difficult to impossible. But it'd be fun.

[selormohene]

day 126 (monday, november 6th 2023)

On agency and having more options than you think. A large part of what it means to have high agency (or more agency than you might initially have been inclined to think) has always been, not quite to seek out or create more options for action (whether more possible objectives or more possible ways of achieving a given objective), but rather to realise that you “always already,” as the expression goes, have more options than you might initially be disposed to take yourself to have, and to be able to move past (or to dissolve, or simply not to have or see as inhibitions or barriers) the psychological or logistical barriers that you might initially have been inclined to have (or think you have). 

So a lot of this has to do with real options — very often we do find ourselves in binds not of our own making and not under our power to change, which is why the status of having high or low agency isn’t entirely a question of one’s changeable mindset. Someone who has fewer options and less freedom just by that very fact has less agency than someone else not so constrained. But then there’s also a question of imagination — where your mind goes when you’re deliberating about what to do, as well as saliency — what presents itself to your mind, without any concerted effort on your part, as a possibility for action in a given situation. (Side note, I’m borrowing the use of the terminology of imagination and practical deliberation in this context, as opposed to practical reasoning, from Bernard Williams, and I think the replacement here parallels his replacement of morality with ethics, and I think is part of a more general strategy of his of replacing overly philosophical or rationalistic psychological and ethical concepts with less loaded alternatives.) Then there’s also the extent to which your abstract knowledge about the possibilities available for action tends to convert itself into actual action. There’s a difference between the person who’s aware, and even the person who’s acutely and constantly aware, that the world is an open playing field and the person who, in his actions and dispositions, consistently realises the world as an open playing field. The difference is that the second person’s more general habits of mind and action are aligned with that vision of the world in a way that the first person’s aren’t, even if they take it as true. And this needn’t be explained (although it might be) in terms of the notion that the first person unconsciously believes the world is static although he consciously affirms or takes himself to believe that it isn’t. I think it’s more usually just explained in terms of a fundamental misalignment; a part of him, or his ingrained tendencies, is oriented towards the world as towards an immovable, given reality in a way that exerts an inertial force over his entire being.

Anyway, these abstract meditations are actually inspired by a realisation that although I’m in a philosophy program I have the opportunity to essentially study for a de facto math PhD, just by self-teaching math material, and/or taking some math classes, and/or talking to professors, and so on. And, of course, as far as research goes, I could kind of “play the game” in the sense of doing stuff which is adjacent to stuff which the people I’d be working with are interested in, but also look more into doing research in other areas, or whatever. It’s a bit daunting to realise that this is in fact a possibility, because it’s a high bar to meet, and I feel like it’s the sort of thing whose possibility I’d be inclined to start talking myself down from precisely because I don’t know if I’d be able to fulfil it, but still it’s something to keep in mind. I think it’s important to keep yourself in mind of what is possible, and face down what you’d like to achieve or wish to achieve, even if it turns out that you won’t actually achieve most of it, both because it makes you more human and because it increases the pressure on you to do what you want to do instead of giving in to your tendencies not to do what you’d ordinarily be inclined not to do because it’s too hard or whatever. There’s a thought that maybe “pressure” is the wrong way to think about acting according to a vision of what you’d like to do, because really action should be effortless and there’s always a deep reason why you’re not doing what you ought and it's bad to coerce yourself without considering those reasons. And yet, although that may be true, it’s not entirely obvious that the reason in question might not be something like inertia, that is, to be so far down in your physiological hierarchy that it doesn't correspond to a subagent that is meaningfully interpreted as having reasons any more than a thermostat; instead, you might say, all that is worth saying is that you're in a local optimum which you’re probably best off getting out of simply by giving your system a firm whack, as it were.

[autogyne-redacted]

(long, anti-street action post, about the US context tho I'm sure some bits apply elsewhere)

I find it fully understandable why ppl put so much importance on street actions. (But I don't)

The idea that you can directly confront the systems that you hate, (semi) publicly, using a slightly (but not larticularly) specialized skill set is exciting.

Realizing that the system is not omnipotent and that there are tactics you can use to (partially) shield yourself from it is exciting.

Repeating (as dogma) that this is effective resistance and that we only have the rights we do because of riots, or dreaming about the rioting bubbling over into insurrection creates an environment in which the choice is clear: we should just all throw ourselves into street actions and once we all do it hard enough the world will be better, right?

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I want to say clearly that I have nothing against ppl who decide they want to use these tactics. People should make their own decisions.

But imo what ~~we~~ lose is (generally) far more than what ~~we~~ win. The bulk of street actions (in the US) are framed in terms of race and there's a lot of leveraging white guilt to push ppl into taking risks while simultaneously asserting that "it" isn't about white ppl and they shouldn't center themselves, their experiences, their stakes, etc. This framing does a ton to encourage ppl into a mindset of sacrifice and away from thinking about what is lost vs what is won and whether these tactics are actually having results that are in line with their desires.

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What is Won:

-cops jobs become more stressful (we can hope this leads to more quitting, recruitment being harder, and policing being less effective, but there's no guarantee).

-property damage occurs

-looting occurs

-some specific development is stalled or made more costly

-new connections are made

-potentially, somewhat abstractly, People With Power become more afraid of future riots and act more cautiously or give some concessions.

-something (construction, logistics, a meeting, transit, etc) is temporarily disrupted.

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These are all possibilities that may or may not happen in any given action. I could list more that are more minor / abstract, but these feel like the important pieces.

What is Lost

-people face police violence

-people are arrested

-people face charges, get wrapped up in long term legal battles, and do prison time.

-while it is possible the result of actions is making police more afraid, it's at least as likely in my assessment that it makes them more angry / driven / politicized

-similarly, while it's possible to gain public support, lots of people will be pushed the other way (tons of fascists point to the ferguson riots as what radicalized them.

-winning concessions from the system invariably takes the form of non profits / movement leaders (or a parallel Non-Violent/respectable movement) gaining increased bargaining power and working with the city to build recuperative reforms.

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People don't need to approach street actions as an optics game (but a huge portion of their function is as spectacle).

And I'm not saying reforms are worthless (but positioning the gains won but #DirectAction as categorically different from reforms is disingenuous imo)

I'd just encourage people to look at actions, try to weigh the amount of resources and energy that go into them, and evaluate whether the wins produced by the action outweigh what that amount of resources and energy could have done directed differently.

I've seen so many actions with 10k+ in legal expenses that did very little other than expose ppl to police violence and repression in exchange for....a feeling of fighting back? Self expression doesn't need to be that costly.

Direct confrontation is choosing to fight an enemy that is way better equiped, has way more support, can use violence more legitimately, on terrain that massively favors them. (There can be specific contexts where that is less the case. When a massively, broad spirit of revolt exists, where prison sentences and legal costs are lower, etc)

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I stopped seeing it as bold a while ago and just see it as sad now.

[bella-caecilia]

Could I possibly request #11 reliability?

Thank you for the prompt <3 I hope I included enough of the colour symbolism. Again, set somewhere in series 1. I hope you enjoy this Cobert fluff!

Brown – Reliability

She pulled his arm closer. Walking like this beside him was much warmer than walking alone or a few feet apart (something they had done very early on for a very short period, and Cora had hated it with all her guts) but it still wasn’t warm enough. It seemed rather impractical to only have the small area of their arms touch and spend each other warmth but this was the best they could do on a walk.

“I can’t believe Sybil will be presented at court next summer,” Cora voiced aloud what had been on her mind all day.

It was a day in October and after the sun had dried the leaves a little after yesterday’s constant drizzle Cora had waited eagerly in the doorway of the library for Robert to finish his correspondence and join her on their walk over the amber-coloured grounds. Robert was rather occupied today so that Cora had a lot of time on hand to ponder about the next season she was planning already. It was nice to have Robert now with her and to talk about what tormented her thoughts.

“But you have started the first preparations weeks ago,” Robert gave back. Their looks were directed at the path in front of them. Cora didn’t turn her head very often because, with the great proximity to her husband she had created, the expansive brim of her hat was precariously close to his neck. Their eyes took in the variety of brown and yellow nature that stretched along the horizon.

“I know,” she sighed. “But don’t you feel like she is still so young, our little girl? Presenting her at court means subsequently marrying her off to a gentleman, a Lord, faraway. This is all happening much too fast,” Cora whispered the last words into the wind, letting them being carried away. But Robert would get them nevertheless.

“Mary’s season was years ago and she still isn’t married. They will stay much longer with us than you think.” They passed by the place to usually take a short break on their walks. The bench under the large tree stayed empty today, though.

Yes, Mary wasn’t married, and Cora knew why it was so hard to find a match for her. They didn’t even speak of Edith. But Sybil, Sybil was a whole other deal.

“Don’t forget that it’s sweet Sybil we are talking about. She will charm every eligible gentleman because opposed to Mary, she is intrinsically kind and so very amiable. She is easy to love.”

“That’s because she is most like you.” Robert’s statement sounded like a corrupting compliment but his tone wasn’t any less serious than throughout their prior talk.

“Sybil has a much stronger will of her own and is much more innovative than me,” Cora commented matter-of-factly.

“Well, it’s not me either from whom she has her innovatively modern streak.” Robert stirred them down a path they didn’t take very often in the warmer months because it avoided all the flower gardens and beds. But that didn’t matter in October.

“Right, and her stubbornness is also nothing she inherited from you,” Cora gave back sarcastically. Robert didn’t respond to this but with a silent snort.

“But she is sweeter in her stubborn demeanour,” Cora added in a low tone. She watched him from the corner of her eye, gauging his reaction to her taunting comment.

“Hmm, yes, I love you too,” he grumbled in response. His elbow nudged her slightly in the side against her corseted ribs. She chuckled lightly and patted his upper arm placatingly.

They walked together silently for a while. Robert at her side like a windbreaker, not really bothered by her teasing, Cora fell back into pondering. Her throat slowly lost the memory of her chuckle as her darker thoughts about the next London season pushed to the forefront of her mind again.

“I don’t want to let her go, Robert,” she whispered.

Now it was Robert who pulled her hands closer to his arm. His bigger palms covered hers in the crook of his arm. “Sybil won’t go if it isn’t right. She always knew her way, and it will be the same now. And I also know you will support her in what is right for her,” he assured, and his voice became so velvety that Cora wanted to bury her face in the crook of his neck or against his chest. “And I will be there with you.”

“I know you will. And I will make her season the most beautiful for her.”

“Of course, you will.”

Robert’s choice of route for their walk guided them to the edge of the forest that bordered the grounds in the south. A row of nearly scarlet-coloured bushes greeted them from afar. The spectacle of autumnal colours was a real treat on their otherwise by harsh wind and cold temperatures marked walk. As they plodded down the gravely way, mostly parallel to the woods, one shade of brown was relieved by another one and yet another one. Cora tried to link her arm more tightly with Robert’s to fully enjoy the comforting palette of warm hues of the brown leaves in the radiance of his heating body. She didn’t know what comforted her more the warm brown vision in front of her or his body next to her.

“Can we make a short detour into the woods?” she asked after a moment.

“If you wish so. I don’t want to overexert you. The weather can change again in no time,” he gave back.

“It will only be a few steps inside,” Cora assured.

…

Inside the forest Robert let Cora choose the way. Outside he had guided them down the paths as he always did. They had their usual route that he variegated here and there slightly. But Cora seemed determined now to explore the grounds and so he let her take the lead. Robert couldn’t quite tell what criteria affected her choice of paths. But knowing his wife, he assumed she followed where nature looked most inviting. He tried to see the trees around with her eyes. But he mostly saw oaks, beeches, and pine trees. One or two times he had to help her across broken branches that lay on the paths. He assisted her in gathering her skirts since it proved a quite demanding task with one of her arms linked to his.

Cora halted at a minor crossroads. She stood right in a ray of the October sun and looked into the depth of the forest.

“It all looks nearly golden,” she said. With her right hand, she pointed somewhere into the trees. “Look how the bark absorbs the warm light. The sun makes the trees shine.”

“I see,” he said, still searching for the exact point she referred to. The gap in the trees, that let in the light to illuminate the tree bark and Cora, also allowed entrance to the wind. A gust came their way, and it wasn’t only dead leaves that swirled around Robert but also the scent of Cora’s hair and perfume. It was a rather nice experience he wouldn’t have expected out here in the woods.

“I want to feel the wind, Robert,” she said as she looked down the narrowing path into the woods. She had to hold onto her hat because gusts tried to grip and abstract it into the distance. Robert furrowed his brow.

“Don’t you feel it?” he asked a little confused. As she turned her face to him, he noticed her rosy cheeks and nose.

“That’s not exactly what I mean. I want to feel it for real,” Cora explained. Her gloved hands now began fiddling with her hat. Only when she pulled out a long hat pin, Robert realised her intention.

“Could please help me for a moment?” she asked.

“Uhm, sure.” Robert let her arm go to ease her task and waited for further instructions.

“If you would please assist me taking off the hat. We can try to keep my hair at least a little put together.” Robert took hold of the brim of her hat and tried his best at taking it off carefully. Cora in the meanwhile secured her coif with her fingers that pushed underneath the hat slightly and pressed the curls to her head. Robert lifted the grey accessory ever so slowly and handed it to her afterwards.

“I feel like I can breathe again,” Cora sighed relieved. Robert had to chuckle. He could never imagine the nonsensical ideas his dear wife came up with. She shook her head slightly in the wind and instantly a few strands of chocolate brown hair tumbled down. “I don’t know how I’m supposed to experience nature armoured against all its merits with these extensive attires,” she explained a little annoyed. For a brief moment, he could Cora as the young girl she once was before he got to know her, running around freely in the woods and on the beaches in the American home of her childhood. And then, after a few seconds, there was the calm and properly dressed Countess again.

“You would freeze without it,” Robert reminded her.

Cora turned around again, looking into the light forest with her hat clutched to her front. She didn’t respond to his last comment but breathed in the fresh wind. Robert came up behind her. Her curls played in the wind. Her coiffure fell apart more and more, and she looked more enticing with every second. The chocolate curls danced while she stood there unmoving. Only the rise and fall of her shoulders, padded in her thick coat, told of the deep breathes she took and of the deliberate movement of her chest.

Robert approached her until he was able to wrap his arms around her. Tentatively he first rested his palms on her shoulders but he didn’t want to oppress her interaction with the wind. His hands on her waist felt much better anyway. Her hair flew around his face and tickled his cheeks.

Cora took good care, he thought suddenly. Nothing that affected their family, their dear girls, escaped her notice. Nothing that had to be done slipped through her fingers. She secured Sybil the greatest coming out ball and the most enjoyable season, and she looked so closely that Sybil would do well when their daughter would leave their caring arms. Robert needn’t worry about any of the girls’ future. Cora was there and she took care where he could never reach. He just had to give her all the stability and comfort she needed, all the stability and comfort he could give. He pressed his cheek to the side of her head. Her hair was soft at his slightly stubbly cheek, and he probably destroyed her coif even more but the wind had already done its deed so he didn’t really give it much thought. Cora leaned back against his chest so that their breathing of the wind synchronised. She was like a hot water bottle in his arms as the wind blew around them. His back and arms began freezing but Cora was pressed to his front, and he could bury his nose in her brown tresses. Knowing she was there with him gave him all the comfort and warmth he needed right now.

#cobert fanfiction #cobert drabble #cobert #cora crawley #robert crawley #s1 #downton abbey fanfiction #downton abbey #cobert fluff

[obstinaterixatrix]

I feel like I'm either reaching or saying something obvious, but what if lyrics for "Don't forget" are literal? I'm only realizing after Chapter 2 that all of those lyrics are basically what's happening in Deltarune, especially with these verses: "There's a light inside your soul / That's still shining in the cold". I'm pretty sure Spamton implied that since Kris has the "heart shaped object" and that they have the light because they're a lightner, it could mean that the soul is the light or has the light. And obviously "the cold" could take on a new meaning what with the whole developement with Noelle, her magic spells (her whole route) and her possible importance in the story. But then what about the rest of the lyrics? "The truth / The promise in our hearts" - if it's all literal then someone must have made a promise (a deal? a pact?) maybe concerning the soul? But who was it, and who are these words meant for? "Don't forget / I'm with you in the dark" - is it meant for Kris? Someone stays with Kris even when they travel to the Dark World, and they must not forget? Or maybe it's us, the player? With the leitmotif of the last two verses repeating throughout basically the whole Chapter 1 soundtrack, it kind of feels like constantly hearing those words. Again, I'm pretty sure I'm reaching, but I just always thought that the lyrics were a bit abstract and realizing that they might be literal made me think I'm crazy or something... So please only respond to this if you think it makes any sense. (Btw I've been enjoying your Deltarune posts a lot!)

Ty, ty :V

Yea I think that’s plausible. I’m usually not one for speculation because I get chagrined when I’m wrong (lol) but the options I can think of are:

-the player (possible, but if ‘promise’ is related to kris’ backstory then it’s more unlikely; also, considering pacifist vs weird route, ‘truth’ feels a little too concrete for the player-kris relationship)

-wd gaster (if we take ‘promise’ to be more in the sense of deals/contracts/etc, and if we assume he’s the one in the beginning with the Accepting Risk Of Seizure, this could work; ‘in our hearts’ seems too sentimental for this reading, but who knows) (I’m leaning towards the theory of gaster trying to find some way to return from wherever he is now, and needing a vessel) (*if* Whatever Incident Happened With Dess somehow involved gaster, that could be relevant)

-ralsei (considering the theory that ralsei was A Beloved Object, or is a manifestation of Kris missing his brother, or is somehow otherwise relevant to kris and might’ve known about/been there for Whatever Incident Happened With Dess, promises and forgetting and truth would all be relevant keywords)

-asriel (not really evidence here but kris is obviously close to asriel and they miss their bro a lot—it could be a Words Of Comfort thing he left them) (and if asriel was involved in Whatever Incident Happened With Dess the lyrics could be a reference to that)

-dess (I think this is pretty unlikely but since we don’t know about Whatever Incident Happened it is within the realm of possibility that *if* what happened had something to do with the occult and/or dark world, then again ‘promise’ and ‘forget’ and ‘truth’ are pretty relevant keywords—in this case, it would make more sense for it to be directed towards noelle, but she doesn’t have a soul in the worldbuilding sense) (HOWEVER it would sort of parallel undertale asriel with how he was thought to have died but was accidentally brought back)

Oh I also gotta add Kris has seen save points before ch 1, so it might be related to that and whoever they were with when they saw it

Oh also also in this framework I’m assuming ‘soul’ is going by the undertale definition as like, unique and innate biology(ish) to humans

#deru spec #ask #derulb #orlbs #deltaruner spoilers #anonymous

[abouthoundsandlittlebirds]

Yashahime Theory

I just made a small theory after reading this post. I recommend you guys to see it first and then come back here. Basically I will try to make SessKagu canon with the hints I’ve got from this anime (just like I do almost everytime).

In the beginning of the second ending of HnY, we can see a lot of rain’s scenes that connects each other.

I looked for the symbolism of rain and I’ve found this:

Rain is nourishment for the earth and is known as the water of life. Rain takes many forms and can be anything from a gentle sprinkling and light watering of the earth, up to a torrid downpour and possible flooding; life giving on one hand and potentially death dealing on the other.(...) Rain is a symbol for tears, sorrow, anger, cleansing, renewal, forgiveness and more -- usually on a heavenly, worldly or very large sort of personal scale. This is not a visual symbol for small sorrows or everyday events.(...) It was believed that only the proper union of the feminine principle YIN with the masculine YANG would yield rain. (Scooter My Daisy Heads)

Recall that we have a lot scenes that water is the main element in HnY, but I will only talk about some parallels of the second ending now.

During the InuYasha opening called Angelus, we have for the only time a SessKagu content and it is this picture:

Look at those colors and their poses.

In the dark side we can find the color matrix n.126 and this is the same color I’ve found in the second ending of HnY:

Even if the scale goes up and down and we can still find others matrices, being them more greenish and bluish, we still have a common matrix and that is why the background of the scenes I will share next can remind us of that iconic scene of the Angelus clip.

Compare those background with the SessKagu one and you will notice a connection to that scene with those.

If you pay close attention to SessKagu scene, you will see that above Kagura’s head the brightest area of the background is located and behind Sesshomaru’s left side you will have the darkest color. That is because the background color is fading.

The meaning of darkness and light can be seen as:

Darkness is often used to convey negativity: evil, death or the unknown. Light is used to convey something positive: goodness, life or hope. (Pen and the Pad)

When the opening Angelus was released, Sesshomaru didn’t know himself, that is why he was surprised in TFA to discover that his heart changed after Kagura’s death. In the other hand, Kagura had hope back then to be free, because she wanted to live her own life. That is why Kagura is represented under a bright light and Sesshomaru under a dark, even if Kagura belonged to the bad people and Sesshomaru to the good guys (even if he played solo).

Q: So, why did they choose this dark color as the background in the second ending of HnY?

A: Because it is the sequel of the SessKagu scene.

My first hint to it is the fading background’s color of the two pictures. While in the Angelus’ picture it starts with green and fades into a dark blue, in this second ending it begins with the dark blue which Angelus’ ended and fades into a darker hue (almost black).

We now have Sesshomaru pictured in a different angle of the one where he is with Kagura. Basically we will see events under Sesshomaru’s perspective and not Kagura’s, like it was in InuYasha OG. Every scene with SessKagu content in the original anime, it was drawn under Kagura’s PoV, never Sesshomaru’s (at least when they were together).

If we put the two Sesshomaru’s frames side-by-side, this is what we get:

I know that the direction that Sesshomaru is looking is different in those pictures (in the first he is looking straight ahead, and in the second he is looking to his left side). The meaning of this is too abstract for me to figure it out, but I would go with: he is wondering about something, because the symbolism of the background represents evil, death or the unknown.

There is also another difference in those pictures: the rain.

The symbolism of rain is related to strong feelings, very emotional ones. The rain appears into Towa, Setsuna, Moroha and Sesshomaru’s scenes.

We can relate Towa’s rain scene with the absence of her sister (since she appears in the Reiwa Era alone).

The Setsuna’s, we can believe it is because she is forgetting something, because of the dream butterfly that appears crossing her scene.

And Moroha, we can see that she is feeling lonely, she even hugs herself in the end of the rain scene, as if she was feeling cold.

And Sesshomaru’s rain scene, we can only talk if we relate his picture with those flowers that comes before his (pic. 4 and 5 shown above).

Only in those pictures we can clearly the raindrops. It could also be seen as tears and not rain, tbh. The reason for that is because when they appear (and vanish) they are frozen in the air. Those raindrops/teardrops came from nowhere and went to nowhere, but shortly after we can see the rainbow pearls diving into a lake. And the only things we see coming and going from whoever-knows-where aside those waterdrops are those pearls, and now we know that rainbow pearls are made from tears (Zero’s tears).

It seems weird to be thoser waterdrops in Sesshomaru’s scene and those flowers’ scene, because it looks to be too random. But look close at the color of those flowers. It matches Kagura’s color palette.

The red color of the first flower is lighter than Kagura’s kimono in the Angelus’ opening (the background ones are quite closer to her kimono), but look at the color of Kagura’s fan in the third opening (Owarinai Yume) of InuYasha:

The hue is quite closer to the flower in evidence. So, what I mean is that the scene of those flowers represents Kagura, and Sunrise choosed to portray her this way due to the fact she wasn’t introduced to HnY (yet).

I don’t know the name of that flower or its meaning, so if someone knows, feel free to share with us!

I actually don’t know if I make sense at all with this crazy theory! I am really tired and in so much need of sleep that I can’t even give my personal remarks right now, so please, share your thoughts with me! Or don’t, you are free to do as you like! LOL

Edit: Oh! Please, look at the scene with Towa and Setsuna, it is actually what Kagura would’ve seen in the Angelus’ scene if we got to see it in her point of view, what means that Sunrise are redoing the same scene with different characters.

P.S.: Sorry for my typos!

#SessKagu #Sesshomaru x Kagura #Sesshomaru #Sesshoumaru #Sesshoumaru x Kagura #Kagura #Kagura InuYasha #Kagura of the wind #HnY #IY #Yashahime #Yashahime theory #Yashahime speculation #Hanyo no Yashahime #Hanyou no Yashahime #anti sessrin #antisessrin #anti-sessrin #anti rinsess #InuYasha

[notthatiwilleverwriteit]

hello!! I am a fellow Ugetsu fan (I feel we are not many but growing ever bigger in number!), I really like all your Ugetsu meta and I wanted to ask what, for you personally, would be a good point for Ugetsu’s character arc by the end of the manga. I hope we get more content from him from sensei!! And if we do, what would you like to see?

Hello there, dear fellow Ugetsu fan!

It’s always so nice to meet other Ugetsu fans! I feel like the movie grew our numbers a little. Based on what I’ve heard, seeing Ugetsu in the movie made people see him differently and sympathize with him more.

And thank you for reading my Ugetsu musings! I’m glad to hear you’ve enjoyed them.

“what, for you personally, would be a good point for Ugetsu’s character arc by the end of the manga”

This is a very good question. I think my personal vision for Ugetsu’s “endpoint” is based on what we saw in the Ugetsu extra booklet that was published with the Blueray release of the movie. I think there were a few more prominent points in there that hint at what Ugetsu’s future will look like. You can find pictures of the booklet HERE and separate English translations HERE.

Ugetsu and Mafuyu

Mafuyu congratulating Ugetsu for his win and Ugetsu sending him a squirrel “thank you” sticker made me so happy:

I really wish Mafuyu and Ugetsu will stay in touch and Ugetsu will remain connected to the story through that friendship. I understand that the whole Ugetsu-Akihiko-Haruki arch is done now, but I could definitely see Ugetsu popping up via Mafuyu. I feel like their friendship and how they seemed to connect would be so important to Ugetsu. With Mafuyu, he would feel like someone out there does understand/listen to him. Mafuyu not only sees Ugetsu but also tries to reach him. He hears what Ugetsu is trying to say and is able to put those things into his own music which talks to Ugetsu in return. I don't think Ugetsu has that with anyone else.

So, in the end, I could see Ugetsu still being part of the story via Mafuyu. As I’ve said before, I really don't think Kizu wrote Ugetsu as some kind of villain. He isn’t an evil witch who needs to be cast out in the end. I think his relationship with Mafuyu supports that discourse and I really hope Mafuyu seeing Ugetsu as human will keep reminding the readers of that.

Ugetsu and Akihiko

Akihiko sent Ugetsu a text saying “Congrats” and Ugetsu talks about how someday the butterfly will grow beautiful wings:

When the booklet came out, I saw people - both AkiHaru shippers and Ugetsu stans - being worried about that text Akihiko sent Ugetsu. People seemed to take the message as Akihiko still being hung up on Ugetsu even if he’s already going out with Haruki. Others saw it as Akihiko being toxic because he was causing Ugetsu pain by staying in touch.

Personally, I could see Ugetsu and Akihiko remaining somewhat like friends even after the break-up. They didn't break up hating each other. Their break-up was more about being finally able to let go of each other, not about one of them doing something that broke their relationship and caused the other to hate his guts. In the end, they were both hurting and knew that they were better apart.

I think Kizu making Akihiko send that text was a representation of what Ugetsu talked about with Mafuyu before the AkiUgetsu break-up (vol. 5 ch. 27):

In Given, “music” has a lot of symbolic value and drive. It’s this infinite, abstract place that stores memories and people who have been important to the characters. But it also represents new relationships and keeps shifting in nature. AkiUgetsu had their own kind of music, and now Akihiko is playing a new kind of music with Haruki. But music will always remain.

Music will keep Akihiko and Ugetsu connected on some level. Even if they are no longer in a romantic relationship, they will always share “music”. It’s where their shared memories reside (what they used to be). It’s where they can see each other (what they are now). None of that means they are still hung up on each other. They are not getting back together. It’s more of a parallel to how Mafuyu is still connected to Yuki via music. A new dawn is breaking for both Ugetsu and Mafuyu, but music is always left behind from those previous relationships while it’s also the way for both of them to move forward.

Another thing about them remaining in contact via music is that despite everything, I think Ugetsu is happy for Akihiko. In the booklet, he talked about how neither of them was able to spread their wings in the suffocating basement. Ugetsu was unable to be free with his music whereas Akihiko had lost his passion for his music. I think Ugetsu seeing Akihiko play the violin again - playing it with motivation, drive, and a purpose - would make him happy. After all, it’s what he had wanted for Akihiko all this time. It might be laced with bitter-sweetness (like nearly all happiness in Given) for Ugetsu, but ultimately I think it would give him joy to see Akihiko fly.

So, personally I can see Akihiko still being a part of Ugetsu’s life even a little in the end.

Ugetsu’s future relationships - yay or nay?

I’ve seen people talk about if they would like Ugetsu to end up finding another love interest by the time Given ends. Some seem to prefer he didn’t while others would be interested in seeing him find someone.

Personally, I would say I’m fine with either path but lean more towards him remaining by himself in the end. First of all, I think Ugetsu finding himself a new love interest wouldn’t be a good idea pacing-wise. It would come too fast. Akihiko was already in love with Haruki by the time AkiUgetsu broke up. Living at Haruki’s place had made him realize that he had loved Ugetsu but now it was painful and suffocating.

I believe Ugetsu, on the other hand, still loved Akihiko when Akihiko finally broke up with him. That’s why it had to be Akihiko who let go of Ugetsu’s hand and walked away in the end. Ugetsu was hurting in their relationship, but he still “loved Akihiko to death”. Of course, we don't know how long it will still take for Given to finish, but I feel like it would still be too soon for Ugetsu.

Secondly, I feel like Ugetsu falling in love with someone new would defeat his overall “character”. A part of why he wanted to break up with Akihiko was how his love for Akihiko affected his music. He became more occupied with Akihiko and chased him instead of his music. I’m not saying he can never fall in love with anyone, but rather that he is now free to pursue music like had wanted to. He can now spread his wings, too, without worrying about snuffing out someone else’s.

Also, I think Ugetsu’s character could represent the idea that you don't need a romantic relationship to feel happy and fulfilled. Ugetsu strikes me as the type who could find those things in his music and be “independent” like that. If after everything he said about wanting to chase his music he began another relationship, it would somewhat reverse the journey he went through in the comic. I think if he found another romantic interest, they would have to be a well-fleshed-out character, and I’m not sure if the comic really has time for that. I wouldn’t want Ugetsu’s new partner to be some kind of sidenote in the margins since falling in love (again) would be such a big thing for Ugetsu’s character.

Overall, I’m not against Ugetsu finding someone new per se but I just think it’s not a good idea because of pacing and what it would mean for Ugetsu’s overall character development. I think it would be better if he takes time to pursue his music, figure himself out more and go for some adventures on his own, and that’s where we leave him off once Given ends.

In general, I think Ugetsu will be just fine in the end. I don’t personally want to be an angst-monger when it comes to his future. He went through something painful and is recovering but he seems to be determined to find new kind of happiness.

I leave you with smiling Ugetsu saying “daijoubu“ 🖤

Thank you for your question, dear Ugetsu anon!

#given #murata ugetsu #akiugetsu #answered ask

[aobawilliams]

I wish you would write an AU where Takagi can read peoples thoughts(could simply be words or abstract pictures) when he makes direct contact with them, which leads to him finding out about Conan. And if not that, an AU where there is a secret supernatural department in the police force, (Sato is possibly a member) and Takagi somehow ends up there. i am thinking a lot about him lately.

The first one got merit but I do like the fact Takagi is just your average guy? He’s nothing exceptional and I love him for that, so I’ll go with the second one.

The classic “I accidentally witnessed something and now I feel like I’m way above my paygrade (but at least they got better coffee)”.

Setting would be urban fantasy, there is the whole secret fantasy society with faes, ghosts, wizards and whatnots existing parallel to us, but hard work makes it a secret for most people. There is a special affiliation in the police to regulate those cases, they have like a really common name and officially do regular police work, but unofficially their cases are 90% fantasy stuff. Um I guess the members are spread through the police work, but the cases assigned to them are generally surnatural stuff, if that makes sense?

The squad from Wild Police (so Date Wataru, Hiromitsu, Rei, Matsuda and Hagiwara) were all part of that surnatural department. Sato too.

I’ll go the comedy route and, either Date Wataru honestly thought Takagi was part of that secret department too, and like they never openly spoke about it in public because ~secrecy~ but Date would make allusions and Takagi would just roll with it even though he’s mostly confused about what does it means? Or he just assume it’s some kind of slang/specific police language and roll with it. He didn’t receive the handbook but, that’s fine, he can learn on the job!

Other option is, since they share a name (Wataru), at some point some document got mixed or someone grabbed the wrong Wataru and Takagi got no clue what’s happening but it’s fine!! He’ll do his best!!

And after that no one cleared the mistake and just assumed he was part of their group.

And so he regularly got dragged dealing with surnatural stuff, except most of the problems aren’t obviously surnatural, it would be like reprimand about keeping their existance/identity secret (which, Takagi didn’t know he was assigned to those kind of witness protection case, but he’s not gonna spill), or property damage (which is rookie job but, he is a rookie) and other shenanigans that, if you squint hard enough, isn’t surnatural, nope nope. (He is deep in denial at first).

At some point they decides he’s doing a good enough job and he got assigned as Sato’s partner. And they start getting involved in bigger/more important job. Which includes fighting/capturing surnatural troublemaker.

And Takagi’s denial can’t hold as well. Because. What the fuck is that, Sato??

And Sato is just like, that’s just a wizard, didn’t you read the handbook/learnt that in school??

And then Sato has to make him go through a crash course of Surnatural 101 because no one told him anything and he honestly thought it was regular police work, honest.

They were hiding behind a brick wall, the suspect clearly agitated and looking for them, and Takagi understood the need to stay silent, has learn in school how to deal with that kind of situation, but. He needed to ask.

“Excuse-me, Sato...” he whispered, “but did that man just threw a fireball at us?”

She looked at him, rising an eyebrow, before focusing again on their target. “Didn’t you read the report? He’s a fire wizard, of course he knows how to throw fireball, it’s the most basic spell.”

Which, leaves him with more questions than answer, because. What.

“What do you mean a wizard? I thought that was just. A metaphor or something. That can’t be real magic right?”

She scoffed. “Of course it’s real magic, how long have you been in the force again?”

(Or something like that. They manage to arrest that man all while Takagi got an existantial crisis about what the fuck is his life and Sato gives him a crash course on wizards and stuff)

#sometimes i write #ask meme #fun fact the preview was like i wish you would write an au where takagi can read and i was like wow that's harsh #i actually had a lot of fun #more than i thought i would have #i love that kind of 'normal person in notnormal environment' shenanigan #detective conan #case closed #takagi wataru #urban fantasy au

[george5259999]

Week 8 - Digital Iteration

This week's tutorial was really interesting and entertaining. One of my personal hobbies is digital rendering (mainly in Blender), but it was really nice to go out of my comfort zone to a program I have only ever used once before. When I opened 3ds Max for the first time, I noticed how similar the interface looked to Maya. Being Autodesk programs natively, it made sense, but it was nice to have some element of familiarity.

During my year 10 and 11 high school holidays I completed a Cert IV in digital design for games and film. That coursed used Maya and Unreal Engine 4, so I had a bit of experience with the interface and principles of polygon modelling. However, 3ds max was probably one of the popular programs which I had the least experience with; so it was still a hugely informative and insightful process trying to adapt my knowledge between programs.

I started with the primitives menu, and imported a sphere into the workspace. I initially found myself struggling with the interface. There are a lot of options and features which are not necessary when learning the basics of a program. When starting to learn any 3d program, I often find myself spoiled for choice, and perhaps even too overwhelmed. I was very glad when the tutorial suggested hiding some superfluous menus from view, as I felt that it really cleared up the screen. After aligning the views (Image 1), I experimented with the modifiers tab.

The modifiers in 3ds max were really interesting to play around with. Working with meshes can sometimes be a tedious and particular process, but it was really enjoyable creating something with no end goal in mind. I liked how using a squeeze modifier (Image 2) could generate an egg shape with the sphere primitive, and how the melt, twist and wave modifiers (Images 3, 4 and 5) could be pushed to the mesh extremes. When working with a mesh, the topology is important to the quality of the final form. As the entire object is constructed of tris and quads, the way they are situated on the model, and their resolution play an important role in what you see. For example, the more I increased the twist modifier, the more I could see the vertices sticking out of the shape. It goes to show that unless the resolution is increased, there are limitations to the modifiers usage, as they can 'break' your model.

The modifiers in 3ds Max are very different to the ones in blender, I definitely feel like in any 3D program, anything you can create in one is attainable in the other; however 3ds max has a lot of mesh deformation modifiers out of the box. Although I thought these created really interesting and abstract shapes which I certainly enjoyed, I realised that I couldn't think of many instances where I would use some of the modifiers on a real project, but I think they are really valuable for niche tasks.

My favourite part about the exercise was learning poly modelling in 3ds Max. Poly modelling is a core part of most 3d modelling programs; and the skills are usually transferrable between. There are some really fantastic modelling tools in 3ds max which make the process of modelling enjoyable. I had a look around my desk for some quick and interesting forms I could make, and started with a really simple apple using the sphere I had in the viewport. I utilised the 'soft select' (Image 6) feature to move many verts at once, to create the top and bottom crease in the apple where the stem travels. To create the stem, I used the cylinder primitive and used the taper/bend modifier to create a curved and natural form (Image 7).

Next, I used the cylinder primitive and used the scale and extrusion feature to get the barrel of a pen. To create the tip of the pen I target welded the vertices together to get the point. I created a new cube primitive to create the clip on the pen, and extruded it (Image 8); also creating a bevelled edge to round it out slightly. Using the same techniques, I also made a stool from my room (Image 9). I really wanted to experiment with as many features as I could in these exercises, so with each 'sketch' I tried to focus on a tool I hadn't used before - as it felt like the best way to improve (Image 10). Still getting comfortable with the Poly Modelling in 3ds max, I also made a cupcake (Image 11) from the basic cylinder primitive to try and improve my modelling quality and speed; making simple extrusions, scaling the rings in, rotating them to get the icing layers. I played around with NURMS subdivision on the mesh to smooth it out, and was really happy with the results.

Finally, I wanted to use all the skills in conjunction, as well as using a tool which really sped up the workflow. I knew from Blender and Maya that loop cuts sped up the process, but I could not find them in 3ds max. After researching the issue on different forums, I found that it went under a different name; Swift loop Though it was very basic problem solving, it goes to show that these skills and programs have transferrable knowledge; and doing a simple search of your problem can lead to new ways of solving them. Swift loop was really useful in creating a loop cut between two parallel edges; adding more geometry for manipulation. When creating the tape dispenser, I noticed that the subdivision was rounding the model out too much, to the point where it no longer registered as a tape dispenser. So I used the swift loop feature to create loop cuts close to the bordering edges to reduce the interpolation between the curve (Images 12 and 13). This taught me that the subdivision modifiers aren't just something that can be added to a model to instantly make it look better; they require some manipulation and editing to get the desired effect.

I found 3ds max challenging but really interesting and insightful. As I am familiar with other programs of similar nature, it took me a while to get out of my own head; using shortcuts and hotkeys from the other programs and wondering why it wouldn't work. Overall, I think that its really rewarding to pick up another program, as it expands my skills and approach to modelling. If I were to redo this activity, I think I would try and make some more complex forms now that I have gotten more comfortable with 3ds Max; perhaps moving onto a product or more complex object. I am really looking forward to creating the bottle concepts in 3ds max next week, as I believe it will be another chance to improve my skills.

Thoughts on the Pre-Class activity - Andrew Simpson case Study

I believe that digital modelling and physical models have a closer relationship than people think. Form and Materials are an important part of perception, but there are qualities of both physical and digital modelling provide when compared to one another. Digital models allow for material iteration, simulation and rendering. Physical models allow for the physical contact, and interaction with the end user. When Andrew discusses the importance of materiality, it drives home the necessity of experimentation and versatility in design. The idea of new materials informed new processes in his decision making process, and it lead to different material types being explored.

I found Andrew's discussion on model fidelity really insightful. I perceive high and low fidelity models to represent how close the model is to a refined product. Whilst a high fidelity model would be fantastic to show clients or to use in renders, low fidelity models are required to quickly iterate on concepts and ideas to test the boundaries of the product e.g. material, form, colour. High fidelity models are more refined, and have more time put into them, to explore how the end product will feel for the user. High fidelity and low fidelity models are both important, and when Andrew talks about the non-uniform relationship of the two in his process, it shows that design is not a linear process; rather a circular one driven by prototyping and feedback. If a high fidelity model still doesn't feel right, faster, low fidelity models can be made testing a range of new ideas; to be taken through the process of design once again.

#ides1262 2021 week 8

[lovejustforaday]

2021 Year-end list - #10

Orca - NTsKi

Main Genres: Art Pop, Alternative R&B

A decent sampling of: Trip Hop, Ambient Pop, Techno Kayo, New Age, Progressive Electronic

Much like the Katia Krow LP that landed a previous spot on my 2021 year-end list, this is one of those records where the cover art brilliantly captures the auditory universe of its contents.

That is to say that, on her debut LP Orca, Japanese artist NTsKi has created a surreal and abstract world of soothing stasis and equilibrium. I feel like many of these songs could exist somewhere floating in the space between H2O molecules. Alternatively, I also feel like these songs could be a set of beautifully symmetrical ceramic jugs, filled with crystal-clear distilled water and sitting on display in an empty bathhouse made of pure marble.

I’m tempted to say that NTsKi is taking her rightful place on this LP as the next to reign in a distinguished line of ethereal alternative R&B empresses like Kelela, FKA Twigs, and Caroline Polachek, but then I’m not sure if she easily fits the bill. She is almost definitely a part of that legacy of influence, but at the same time I find that her music is much more whimsical compared to the very adult themes of an album like LP1 or Take Me Apart.

Please note that this is not a bad thing. Rather, it’s actually super cool and fascinating to hear NTsKi use these kinds of sensuous vocals to sing about things like ice cream and even rhinoceroses (When she isn’t singing in Japanese anyway; I couldn’t find many translations of those lyrics).

"On Divination In Sleep” combines enigmatic trip hop beats with a harmonious dialogue between NTsKi’s vocals and guest vocalist Dove. The melodies overlap and envelop each other like strands of hair flowing in a gentle wind. The looseness of the beats and the space in between notes makes me feel almost hyper-aware of everything happening in the song. This is the kind of production that I just can’t get enough of.

Meanwhile, “H S K” is a purely sensual experience. A waterbed of new age vocals is accented by strange electronic chords that are oddly reminiscent of first generation Pokemon games on the OG Game Boy. The sounds are like little air bubbles levitating in a deep cold ocean. I can feel myself taking longer breaths while listening to this track, as if I’m being lulled into a state of absolute immersion.

And I don’t think I’ve ever heard a set of atonal chords that are as oddly agreeable and catchy as the chorus in “1992″, but that “I, my, me, mine” refrain is simply undeniable. It’s a pretty cool feat of songwriting honestly. This off-kilter little retro-y jam takes you out of the trippy meditative state of Orca just long enough to have your own little weird dance party in the back of your mind.

The album does contain an odd cover of techno kayo artist Miharu Koshi’s “Parallelism” that is perhaps almost too on-the-nose. The track is as straightforward as homages can be, as impressive in its re-creation of a complex piece of music as it is somewhat lacking in a unique identity. However, it did introduce me to an interesting pop artist that’s kind of obscure over here in the Anglosphere, so I can thank NTsKi for that. Regardless, there is a lot of originality to be found elsewhere on this record. Orca is a captivating new direction for alternative R&B music, and NTsKi is easily one of the most exciting new artists I’ve discovered this year.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go drink a tall glass of water after writing this review.

8/10

Highlights: “H S K”, “On Divination In Sleep”, “1992″, “Plate Song”

#orca #ntski #alternative r&b #art pop #electronic #2021 #aoty #list #year-end list #album review #music review

[borkthemork]

Image Juxtaposition: SUF’s Old and the New in “Little Graduation”

Now, I have covered this previously in a post before about image/object symbolism regarding the cassette tape, but I don’t think I gave it much justice in giving reason to it; I didn’t give a strong reason to why this image seemed consistent with the concept of symbolism, and ever since rewatching it I’m more confident in deep-diving into this episode overall regarding discussing it.

So in this post, we will bring our focus to the dichotomy between the old and new imagery found in this episode, and how it plays a massive part in creating a wistful atmosphere for our main protagonist.

My sources on certain stuff will be reblogged for the sake of avoiding Tumblr sniping me off the tags, and let’s begin.

However, before we diverge into this whole post, we’re going to need a reference point on symbolism and its probability of existence. When it comes to analyzing pieces of media, I want to make sure that there’s a solid platform for my discussions relating to the possibility of certain themes, subjects, or other forms of a literary figure. 

For “Little Graduation” I want to make sure that these pieces of analysis have some grounding, so I decided to pull out a ‘Symbolism Consistency’ reference from a website we could use as we talk more about this episode (I’m just paraphrasing it).

1. Look at Descriptions

We have to look at the way they implement these images into the world. Sure, it could be seen as fewer than two times, but creators know that each scene has to be important in some way or another (and we know Crewniverse loves to give us small-scale and large-scale symbolism throughout the Steven Universe series). So if the symbol is given a moment of consideration or has been lost, then there’s something being said.

2. Look for Repetition

If the imagery goes along with a similar theme it is correlated to, there’s usually some form of consistency or emphasis in the use of its implementation.

3. Look at the Turning Points

If it happens at certain points or at high/low moments of the story, there’s definitely some form of focus onto what it means. The creators want the audience to hone in on it, and that’s where they particularly give that attention.

Now that we’ve gotten this stuff out of the way, let’s talk about “Little Graduation”!

The first thing we see with this episode is the use of the cassette tape.

The cassette tape is a piece of technology that has grown obsolete over time but is still one of the most prevalent connections to Steven’s childhood that we have: his dondai has a cassette tape player, he had Rose’s tape, he watched old shows like Lil’ Butler on a tape, there’s also the blast to the past with Mr. Smiley’s Big Donut tape. They bring him a lot of memories regarding his childhood and there’s a sense of nostalgia to them as well towards the audience since it connects us to the main show when Steven enjoyed them whole-heartedly as an adolescent.

However, we can note that in Steven’s universe, the cassette tape is growing a bit obsolete and it’s not just an occurrence in our own world. In the original series, we already know that laptops, phones, and other pieces of human tech are the norm, but in SUF and SU the Movie we can see that technology growing and improving.

The world is going faster with improvement. Older technology is truly getting pushed off as something deemed old.

It fits well with the theme of the episode when we implement it; the ability to move forward into the future, to allow people to choose their own paths now that new opportunities are being found and embraced. This is Steven Universe: Future, the theme of plans and change were bound to happen. 

Newer technology could be representative of Steven’s friends and colleagues pushing on to better things, to better objectives.

And Steven, in the role he had placed himself in, feels like he’s becoming obsolete, unneeded, just like a cassette tape. In episodes such as “Guidance,” he attempted to find another reason to help out, to assist in the best way he could because he wanted to be needed — that’s the role he mentally implanted into himself ever since he was a kid. The healer. The diplomat. The therapist. The helper.

What else could he find in himself now that the future is being rammed into him, especially with his current mental state?

So when the emphasis is placed on Steven deciding over whether to get the disc or the cassette tape, we have to analyze the abstract concept being portrayed rather than the literal. Yes, this boy has a cassette tape player — he had an easy choice to make with that context, but this scene gave him a choice.

Do you take the disc, the newer technology? Or do you take the cassette tape, the older technology?

Do you want the past or the future?

And he took the past.

However, what I find interesting is the way the cassette tapes are used with music.

Steven, at the beginning, is listening to Sadie Killer and the Suspects in jovial nature, before the big reveal of them departing was ever brought forth to him. Even if he didn’t get the notion that the band broke up, there’s still a connection to the past with the music, especially when it’s implied that Steven is listening to Sadie’s and Shep’s new music at the end of the episode.

Beats his fingers to the rhythm of the song too, so it’s a good chance that the positioning of these scenes parallel each other, especially Steven’s mindset from the beginning compared to the end of the episode.

Steven, while listening to the first song, was in a phase of comfort. He’s not thinking or contemplating much on a somber level but more so excited overseeing parts of his life still intact, such as the Spacetries business and seeing the band come back to Beach City.

It doesn’t help that the lyrics he’s listening to brings up terms such as teenagers — a term in the eyes of Sadie Killer and the Suspects as a past phase of their life now that they’re young adults.

But in the second scene, it’s more bittersweet.

The song “Looking Forward” — a song of going into the future and releasing the burdens of one’s baggage — is being played on a cassette, a piece from the past, a piece connected to a supposedly simpler time. There’s a contrast, a split amid these two concepts: what we’re witnessing is the moment Steven felt the cognitive dissonance between moving forward and his insistence on settling into the past.

It reminds him that people are moving on, and we already know that his mental paradigm is still stuck into the prior times, in the status quo, because in “Prickly Pair”, he’s still not over it. 

There are so many issues lying under the surface relating to it, but this boy created an identity over helping others, and now that people are walking forward because of his help, he has no one left to help push forward but himself, and that terrifies him. 

He has no idea how to start and he doesn’t even want to.

#steven universe #steven universe future #su #suf #suf spoilers #steven universe analysis #this is all to the people in the comments who acted pretty rude about telling me it aint deep #you made this happen #bork speaks