#I suddenly have this huge connection to a part of myself that I've been wondering about for so long | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

dearweirdme · 7 months

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Tae's lives have diminished any and all doubts I've ever had about his relationship with jungkook. People are taking the first live too casually imo. It was a huge huge revelation. Just replace jk with any lady, and tae saying that she sings that song for him. It's such a sweet and romantic song. People would've jumped with that piece of info and anyone denying it would've been called a delulu y/n. But since it was jk, most of them have straight up brushed it under the rug.

Them being sighted on dates etc has always been justified by the larger fd as just bros hanging out, even if they forget that you don't usually book tables in advanced at very expensive restaurants just to hang out with your bro, or even book an entire suit for filming a dance challenge.

Anyways, even if those dates were overlooked, how is this serenading platonic?

Army are usually quick to pick out even minor details in members' lives but somehow none of them, apart from tkkrs, have picked up the very clear jk phantom from tae's live? It sounds so much like jk that even if you tried you can't deny that it's him.

I think those who still berate tkkrs should instead take a look at their own behaviours regarding tkk. They've been so quick to jump on the awkward bros wagon but can't even fathom the fact that there might be something b/w them.

Tae has never hidden much when it comes to him and jk and its bcs of ot7s that he is able to do so coz he is well aware that anything short of them coming out is gonna wake them from their stupor

Hi anon!

That first live was absolutely something. I think we were all shocked and endeared at the same time. Speaking for myself, I think I have a good idea about how much they love each other, and Tae missing Jk this much is absolutely something I feel is part of their connection. It's what I would imagine, but what I would not have expected to ever see. We pick up these small things and when looking at the whole all these small things combined is actually something huge, but we don't often see something so clear. Imo them at Dream was also huge, but the difference is that this was a spontaneous moment in which Tae just shared something he felt in connection to Jk. He was in his feelings, suddenly wanted to hear a song Jk always sings to him. It's a specific song to him and the meaning of that song is tied to Jk. Just hearing the song wasn't enough, he wanted to hear Jk sing it. It just fits in how I see them. I believe they are very capable of being without each other for times, they have friends they hang out with without the other, they have schedules and events and whatnot's to attend alone and they do just fine with that, but I also think they have a need for each other. A need for the comfort and love they can only get from each other... and that's completely normal to have in a relationship. Did Tae intent to share this with us? I don't think so.. you can kinda see him hesitate for a bit just before he says he want's to listen to the song Jk always sings for him, but he just went for it because it's what he felt and there's really nothing more satisfying than to be able to just say what you feel when the feelings are strong. I think we just witnessed Tae being in the moment.

Ofcourse Jkkrs and anti's were quick to call him an attentionseeker like they always do. But they are just doing that because it fits their own ideas and Tae being honest will stand in the way of whatever it is they choose to believe.

The funny thing is though, that after Tae's latest live (the one in bed with sounds of someone else there) I got only one ask (!) saying Tae was alone in his bedroom. That's it! No "you're delusional", no "it was Jennie", no "It was a friend", no "if it was Jk it's because they're friends"... nothing! And it's been unexpected. I have been wondering if this is going around fandom even, because we all know how Jkkrs and anti's are usually very quick to jump in my asks and get all angry... and I don't actually think me posting Taekook pics really works in keeping them away 😂. So I do wonder what's up with that. Have they all decided to just ignore it completely? Are they dumbstruck? Do they realize it's Jk and they know they can't call Tae an attentionseeker when Jk is actually next to him?

#taekook #tae live

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liquidchocolatecake · 2 years

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god i just had a thought

so in my main save file i took the grass eater doctrine because i figured it'd be useful in a pinch and it seemed nicer than being cannibals

i also take the grave option instead of the natural burial option because i figured i wasn't going to be able to revive everyone and it'd be nice to have a graveyard

cut to waaaay later down the line after i've beaten a few bishops, i take the crown ability that lets you eat a meal to get a blue heart for your next run

graveyard space has become a massive issue, there is a huge square of land by the temple dedicated solely to graves and i keep running out of room

i'm scrolling through the achievements on steam and realize i haven't gotten the one for cooking a follower meat meal yet

so i say fuck it, wait until night just to ensure no one runs over and steals my food, and cook a follower meat meal for myself

and promptly lose my shit because i just gained two entire diseased hearts which is just objectively better than a single blue heart

which means, since my cult aren't cannibals, i now have an actual practical use for follower meat. which also means that, since i'm butchering my followers for the most part, i no longer have to worry about graveyard space.

imagine being a follower in this situation. you've been here for a while, long enough to see a few of the older cultists pass from old age. each time, the lamb immediately buries the body, causing the graveyard to grow bigger and bigger over time.

then suddenly one day someone dies. and the lamb doesn't come to bury the body. they just go about the rest of their day. night falls, you go to bed. you hear something in the night, but it's not enough to get you to get up and check what's going on.

the next morning the body is gone. and there's no new grave in the graveyard.

maybe you don't notice at first, maybe that one who died yesterday was someone who really had no connections with anyone else in the cult. but then time starts to pass. more people die. and yet still there are no changes to the graveyard. the rest of the world is moving on, yet this one piece of land next to the temple is just trapped in stasis, a physical memory of a time long gone. the followers who passed after that night, seemingly forgotten. the graveyard refuses to acknowledge that they died, possibly that they ever existed in the first place. the lamb doesn't seem to care that anything's different. in fact, their behavior hasn't changed in the slightest. and you're just left to wonder what changed.

i'm on day 200-something in that save file.

how the fuck do i not have to deal with at least like fifteen simultaneous god damn dissenters at any given time that is fucking horrific dear god

#cult of the lamb #tw cannibalism #tw disturbing #i really have no clue what to tag this as #sorry just the sudden realization of how this must be from anyone else's perspective hit me so hard out of nowhere #and now i just have to sit and reconsider everything i have done in this game holy shit #i was already messed up about ratau and baal and aym and forneus but just. holy shit.

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alexsfictionaddiction · 3 months

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Review: The Bookbinder's Guide To Love by Katherine Garbera

Books, witchy vibes and a cute romance? Safe to say that this book was always going to be high on my list. I think I've only ever read one other Mills & Boon book before and I don't remember it being particularly spicy but for all I know, this level of spice could be par for their course.

Sera grew up as a lonely foster child, bouncing from home to home. That was until she found the wonders of bookbinding and set up a witchy store with her two best friends Liberty and Poppy. Sera's handmade journals are highly sought after and are thought to bring only good things to those who buy them. But when Sera's friend and mentor Ford, a wealthy bibliophile, dies and leaves a large box of rare books to her, she appears to have ruffled some feathers within Ford's family. So, when his angry yet handsome grandson Wes shows up at the store with plenty of suspicions about Sera and demands his grandfather's books back, she isn't giving in easily.

The bond between Sera, Poppy and Liberty was one of my favourite parts of the book. There is a real found family/sisterhood vibe between them and although they're not really witches, it's easy to see why so many of the town suspect that they're a coven. It was really lovely to spend time with the three of them in their cosy store and I honestly felt like I fitted in with them.

I would have really liked to have known more about Sera's journals. I wasn't entirely sure what gave them so much power, as I knew there was no real magic going into them. Perhaps it was just the power of belief in good things manifesting into those good things but it was all quite vague.

Sera is determined to channel main character energy, as she feels that she has always taken a back seat in her own life. I'm always really admirable of women who suddenly decide to do this and I can definitely relate, as I never feel like the main event myself. I think this is the first book in a series and I suspect that the subsequent books will follow Poppy and Liberty (just a guess!), so I like that Sera got to be the heroine first.

Wes starts with the horniness immediately and I was instantly turned off by it. I've realised that I like romantic heroes to be respectful and reserved, so that strong ick rears its head when they get sexual right away. I also totally get that it's probably a very realistic urge for a straight man but I hate being reminded of it.

I also thought having Sera resemble Hermione because she's bookish and witchy was really lazy. Why did she have to look like that? She could have had literally any other physical feature other than brown curls, delicate features, white skin and a slim body but she didn't because that's apparently not what bookish, witchy women look like.

Once Wes had calmed his hormones down, he actually started to fall for Sera. Wes is also a bookbinder and apparently saw her as an old book in need of repair, which is perhaps one of the least romantic similes I've ever read in a romance novel! However, I somehow didn't mind their relationship as it progressed. It just took quite a while for me to start shipping them.

I do think that Sera and Wes may have been better as friends. They could have helped each other through their shared grief of Ford just as well as friends as they did as a couple. I was never hugely excited about their romance but I did like and believe in their connection. I just wish it had contained a different energy.

The Bookbinder's Guide To Love is about finding joy in unexpected places and learning to put yourself first. It didn't quite land as a romance for me but I loved it as a celebration of women and friendship. It's witchy, bookish and spicy, so if those are your buzzwords, grab a copy!

#the bookbinders guide to love #katherine garbera #romance #book review #review #books #bookworm

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free--therapy · 10 months

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thank you for answering! all your advice helps me so much. I'm honestly really grateful especially because even i feel like I bother you too much and yet, you're always helping me. it's like finding a friend I can share anything with since there's no one else. it really really means a lot 💗

i thought some more about the rationalising part and i realised certain things. while I agree that certain times, it leads to more worries or thoughts and feels like a loop.

but it's definitely not a compulsion. i can see that i was just overthinking because I'm triggered about OCD right now. so i was just connecting random dots. i mean, my thought process went "if compulsion is something that a person does out of an attempt to relieve anxiety, then isn't rationalising the same?" or something like that.

but i now realise that there's a lot of differences too. rationalising does tire me out sometimes especially when I have to remind myself again and again throughout the day about something but i also know that it's because the worry thought pops up so many times that i rationalise or remind myself of facts again and again.

yes it may be to relieve the anxiety thought but it's not a negative habit to be broken. like you said, finding a balance is important and right now, i can see that while I've been rationalising a lot the apst three days since Tuesday but that's because I've been getting a lot of anxiety what ifs so the rationalising is needed!

of course, i would love to reach a point where these same specific worries won't trigger me and i would be able to not let them affect me just like i was this past one year. but i realise that right now, my anxiety is a bit higher so it's natural to have some worries randomly pop up and affect me even if they didn't affect me for a long time. I've been overthinking these days especially the last three-four days with what ifs popping up and it's natural to want to rationalise those. it's not a compulsion even if it seems that way "by definition"

i was thinking "isn't the fact that you indulge in those worries to begin with that's a problem. so not rationalising and moving on without paying it any attention would be better" so i started wondering if rationalising repeatedly was what was keeping me in a loop.

but then i realised that if i didn't rationalise at all then the thought would never get off my mind. so i do realise that it is needed and in any way, it has helped me a lot. Especially since I know when I've had enough of a thought. Plus I've noticed that when I had these exact thoughts two years ago or even a year ago around this time, it would take me a lot longer to get a clear view but this time now, i can get a clear idea and rationalise a worry thought sooner and I get over most worries within a day or two. which is a huge achievement for me!

it's just that i had been comparing how in this past one year when I had university classes, i could get clarity over these thoughts and not get bothered by them at all, no matter what thought i had. then why am I suddenly getting bothered again? does that mean that rationalising is what is actually keeping the loop going? or what is this?

but i just realised that having so much free time and staying home all the time with nothing to do does lead to overthinking and it's just that instead of daydreaming like i used to or staying busy, now in my free time, with nothing else to think about, my thoughts end up going back to these worries since they're a "bad memory" of sorts.

so i understand that's why it makes me overthink or worry even if it didn't throughout the year. and that is why I feel the need to rationalise now even though i didn't need it throughout the year.

I hope I can reach a point where these worries and all other thoughts related to these won't bother me at all and i won't need to rationalise them just because they make me feel anxious or overthink. and i hope it will be that way even when I'm home with nothing to do.

how i see it is- when I go out, i can see how "trivial" these worries really are so they don't bother me. at home, after a while, it starts ruminating and tbh, rationalising or even just reminding myself so many times again and again that "these thoughts are not true" or "why they are not true, etc " made me feel like i was repeating the same thing again and again which made me think I'm just doing it compulsively everytime any worry thought popped up.

and i remembered any and all random things i had read about compulsions and joined some random non existent dots to think maybe me wanting to rationalising everytime was a compulsion? but i think I get it better now.

so while i would love to not reach a point where i wouldn't have to rationalise at all since that definitely sounds better. as in not getting triggered by the thought at all or getting so less bothered that i won't even need to rationalise would be nice. but just because I need to do it right now doesn't mean it's a bad thing and most definitely not a compulsion. that's what I think.

is it okay to believe in that?

these past three-four days, when a worry thought about a certain topic pops up, i remind myself of all the reason why it's not true. i combat it by remembering all the points that I know are more sensible. and i keep adding as many facts as I can each time that thought pops up. i keep reminding myself of it until I reach a point with that thought where i can simply tell myself "you know all reasons why this isn't true, so leave it. no point bothering" it's just sometimes i have to remind myself of it so many times within a span of a day that it feels tiresome but i still do it.

is that a healthy way to do it?

though after that, usually a random other worry from the past pops up and I have to repeat the cycle 😭 that is why I end up thinking it would be great to not have to bother with any of these thoughts at all. which makes me think, if i wanna reach a point where no thoughts old or new bother me at all, then does that mean, rationalising is what is keeping the cycle going? is it a bad thing actually? so is it a compulsion? that's how the thought process goes.

but hopefully, I'll convince myself that this thought about me worry if it's a compulsion is just about worry thought too and not the truth. till then I'll keep rationalising til i can believe it. is that a healthy way to respond?

No problem, Anon! It's what I'm here to do.

You will definitely reach that point where the worries won't bother you. You have to keep on doing what you're already doing until your mind finally believes it. It takes time, patience, and practice to get to this point, but you're doing better thank you think! Plus, you're able to catch yourself doing these things, so the awareness is there. Keep going

I don't know if it would be helpful to get rid of rationalizing, but I think what you're trying to say is that whenever a worry comes up for you, you'd like it so that a simple challenge/rationalization to your worry would be enough to not let the repetitive thoughts or worries take over your life. Rationalizing and reasoning are still great tools to have.

Yes, the way that you're handling these thoughts that come up is healthy! I know it may not seem like it because you're finding that they keep coming up, but it's because your brain has been programmed for so long to keep worrying, that when it's told to not do it, it still isn't at a point where it feels like it's safe to not do it… so you'll have to keep reminding yourself that everything is good and that you are safe for a period of time until your brain finally believes it. Hopefully that makes sense lol

#ask #answered #anon #repetitive thoughts #anxiety #anxious thoughts #rumination #rationalization

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fireflystimeline · 2 years

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I'm feeling something I'm having trouble expressing. In fact, this year has been full of feelings I haven't been able to put into words. At least, not as well as I usually can. And I'm not sure exactly why this is.

I've had a lot more personal support lately. Connections and socializing (if mostly digitally) that have brought me comfort and sometimes even joy. I've been in awe of how many of my friends (old and new) have wanted to spend time with me: texting, voice chatting, gaming, and sharing deep conversations. It's been wonderful. The most connected I've felt in a very long time. But...

This is actually hard for me? At least some of the time. And I'm not just talking about introvert social fatigue, which has popped up from time to time. I realized I have never, ever felt likable before. I've had close friendships in the past, and I have always been of the quality over quantity mindset. But I always felt those people tolerated my less likable aspects better than most, and over time we bonded over shared experiences to the point where we were like soldiers who had faced something no one else would understand together. Friendships forged in the fire, I always said. And there's nothing wrong with that. I cherish that aspect of my longtime friendships.

But I still didn't feel... or maybe didn't let myself feel... likable. My therapist and I talked about this recently. "How do I suddenly have so many friends?" She told me I was likable. And I said, "Am I?? Because I've never felt likable!" Because frankly, when you are bullied to the point of wanting to die as a child. When you are made to feel, not even invisible and unworthy, but like a disgusting blight on the world. How could you ever feel likable?

Being likable isn't everything. In fact, probably a lot of the most influential people in history were unlikable. And if you have to bury parts of yourself to be likable, it's not worth it. It's not authentic. It's not being seen for your true self. I've never been able to do that. At least not for any long period. And not without a massive amount of emotional pain. I learned I had to be myself a long time ago. I was forced know myself, to accept myself, and for brief periods of time, I even found a sense of self-love. But at best, I considered myself (and my friendship) to be an acquired taste.

Even with as open and vulnerable as I am, I deeply fear being misunderstood or rejected. This was a huge battle I faced when I was writing Book Two. This week my therapist said I have come so far with that. And I have. I honestly have. But whether by fate or bad brain chemistry, just talking about that brought about a new wave of self-doubt.

There's so much I don't like about myself. So many parts that feel unworthy of being loved. I've forgiven the people who've hurt me the most in life. That doesn't mean I've forgotten it. But I have found true empathy for those people. It's the mistakes I've made that haunt me the most. The parts of me I don't like seem so much worse than the good parts. I know they're there. Prominently. But I obsess over the shadows instead. Maybe that's how it is for most people. My therapist thinks so.

I'm not aiming to be likable. I'm aiming to be authentic. Vulnerable. Truly me. And truly connected in whatever relationships I'm meant to have. But is it so bad to hope for being liked? For being understood? For being seen and valued?

#writing #writeblr #introspective thoughts #vulnerability #bullying recovery #social anxiety #introvert fatigue

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bbybadass · 4 years

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So I was named after my grandmother, my mom's mom.

Margaret.

My dad and his twin, my uncle, were adopted from Scotland when they were young. For decades, they didn't know much about where they came from, other than a city and a last name. They didn't even know their bio mom's first name. But in the past week, my uncle got in contact with someone who knew her. My grandmother, my dad's mom.

Margaret.

I bear the name of both of my grandmothers and I had no idea until yesterday.

She was kind, too. Their adopted mother wasn't kind, but Margaret was kind and loved.

You can't tell me this isn't fate.

#I actually have tears in my eyes as I write this #I suddenly have this huge connection to a part of myself that I've been wondering about for so long #There's also something that absolutely breaks my heart about this #Because my dad was abused by his adopted mother and has ptsd from it #Which gives me this huge connection to him bc of my ptsd and generational trauma #But fuck I wish he didn't ever have to go through that #But I hope knowing that his real blood was a lovely person gives him peace #I'm usually skeptical but yeah I can't help but believe in fate #Family #Revelation #mind blowing #Adoption

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blisschi · 3 years

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• Cold •

Pairing: Diluc x GN! Reader •

Warnings: Major Character Death,,

Notes: Reader is a Knight of Favonius here! c:

"Diluc, look!" Your cheerfull voice rang across the place, instantly alerting the red-haired winery owner. His head turned towards you, gaze followed your finger that pointed on the huge pool of water. "Such large lake.. so much water!"

Diluc frowned, his eyebrows furrowed. It was barely bigger than the one next to Dawn Winery. What's so special about it?

"I can't believe.. it's such a beautifull place.."

"What's so special about it? It's rather common sight-" Diluc couldn't finish the sentence because of your hand suddenly grabbing onto his wrist. Before pulling him towards the water, all you could offer as apologies was your warm smile. Light reflecting in your eyes, visible happiness that made his heart ache. Beautifull - He thought, before getting hit by the realization what you're about to do.

"Wait-- [Y/N]!-"

"Yahoo!"

SPLASH

Your laugh was muffled by the loud splash of water. While you certainly enjoyed so called 'bath in the lake', Diluc looked more upset than usual. Of course, getting wet wasn't something he found entertaining - by cold water on top of that.

"[Y/N]." His voice cold, tone annoyed. He knew that every member of Knights of Favonius were just as childish as possible, but that outgrew his biggest expectations. During moments like that, he seriously wondered if keeping in contact with you was the best choice. "Do you want to be fish in your next lifetime? Perhaps crab would be more fitting?"

His hand grabbed onto the back of your collar, holding your head right above the water. Your eyes widened as you raised your hands in defense, while explaining. "S-sorry, sorry! That's actually really tempting offer, but I see myself as tiger shrimp in my next lifetime!"

Diluc sighed, letting go of you. He closed his eyes and turned away, ready to get out of the water.

"I love water.." He stopped, hearing your voice. Voice full of emotions, especially longing. "I miss those old days.. my friends and I used to play in the lake all the time.."

The male turned his head towards you. His knees still covered by water as his gaze wandered from your face to your hands with which you collected small amout of water. Your smile never left your face as you stared down at your connected hands, the liquid slowly running down the gaps between your fingers.

"Our parents stood near the shore and laughed.. Water brings back the memories about my friends and family.." Your expression reflected into water surface as you slowly lowered your hands. "Even though it's cold.. I still feel the warmth of those days.."

Why.. those days must have passed away?

"[Y/N]" Your thoughts were interrupted by the voice coming from behind. Diluc already walked back towards you, no more caring about the water. "It's true that times have changed, but only if you ask.."

His hand wandered on top of your head, stroking your hair ever so slightly.

"I can become your family at any moment.. Even though you're one of the knights.. and even though you look stupid."

His hand lowered to your cheek, now cupping it gently. Your surprised expression lasted only mese seconds as after a while, you lowered your head and smiled.

"Thank you.."

Diluc raised his eyebrows as his hand returned on top of your head, fingers grabbing onto your head before he shoved you back down into the water. Surely, he was treating you too well lately. You've made him all wet. Don't think you're not going to suffer the consequences.

"How long do you want to stay in the water? You really want to become a fish, don't you?"

Smile appeared on his face as you desperately tried to push him away.

Warmth, you say?

During your next visit at the Dawn Winery, Diluc welcomed you with open arms. Both of you decided to sit outside the building, sipping on some grape juice while discussing on various topics. Diluc seemed rather calm. Little did he know that your visit wasn't in intention for a simple chit-chat.

"How's the situation at the tavern?" You asked, running the tip of your finger over the glass edge. "Is everything going smoothly?"

"Quite good." Short answer, as usual. Noticing your gaze fixated onto the glass, he clicked his tongue. "There's nothing I'd have to handle on my own."

"That's great.." Was the only answer you gave him. Where was the cheerful voice of yours that brightened his day? Where was your excited expression he remembered, while you talked about what's going to come in the nearest future.

Few moments passed, thus silence began to be rather unbearable. With a sigh, red-haired male decided to be the one to break it.

"What's bothering you?"

His question instantly caught your attention as you lost interest in the glass in front of you. It took quite some courage for you to look up into his eyes.

"You heard about the abyss taking one step closer towards achieving their goal? Our outriders spotted them on the east.. Mages.. Heralds.. Amber told me they intend to eliminate most of our forces by threating to attack citizens and forcing us to--"

"Get to the point."

You broke the eyecontact, surely not being able to look him straight in the eyes while saying: "I've been sent to the front line."

His heartbeat stopped, voice stuck in his throat.

What did you say?

Front line?

"Kaeya decided.. to only send mere part of our forces.. That way we can investigate their strenght from the--"

"I refuse."

Your gaze returned to his face after Diluc raised his voice.

"It's an order I cannot-"

"You're too weak."

Your eyes widened. Did he really think of you so poorly? You've taken care of plenty enemies before, proving your strenght in battle.

"It's my duty to obey Captain Kae--"

"Don't." Diluc glared at you. "Mention that name again."

His brother couldn't even take care of himself during evenings spent in the tavern. What kind of Captain was it? Diluc could bet that his orders are nothing, but decisions under the infuence of the moment.

He won't.. lose another person because instead of taking care of things himself - his so called brother wants to play from afar. He's always been like that.. Sending pawns to battle, while getting his hands on the victory they acquire.

"I want to protect those who cannot defend themselves." Serious tone in your voice. Determination in your eyes as you confidently kept to prove your point. "We can not wait for something terrible to happen.. I swore to protect Mondstadt."

He knew you're not going to listen.

Standing up from the table, your head turned away.

"There's surely a reason for Captain to choose me along with the others.. You know I'm strong, Diluc.."

Strenght goes in pair with Defense.

Defense you were lacking.

"Haah.. Haa.." You panted, looking around the battlefield as the only thing you could see, were your defeated colleagues.

Heavily injured, struggling to keep yourself standing..

Out of pity, smile appeared on your face as tears left the corners of your tired eyes.

Diluc was right..

Falling to your knees, as your legs no more could bear the weight of your body.

"I'm sorry.. Diluc..."

"Master Diluc..! Everyone is worried.." One of the maids called after the male. "It's pouring yet another day.. You'll get sick if you keep--"

Other maid interrupted, placing a hand on her shoulder. She smiled at the other sadly, shaking her head before glancing as Diluc disappeared into the forest.

He went to the place you found beautiful.

Diluc sat near the water, letting the raindrops freely wash over his head, back and shoulders. Staring down at his reflection in the surface, he scooped up some water and smiled bitterly.

"I don't understand why do you love it so much.. It's wet and disgusting.."

Clenching his teeth, Diluc tried his best to stop tears from leaving his slightly reddened eyes.

"You brat.. I don't feel any warmth..

It's so cold.."

#genshin x reader #genshin impact x reader #genshin impact #genshin impact x you #genshin x you #reader #writing #genshin oneshot #genshin angst #diluc x you #diluc oneshot #genshin diluc x reader #diluc x reader #diluc x y/n #genshin x y/n #genshin oneshots #diluc angst

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muselin · 3 years

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See You Later - Part 1

Who: Beomgyu

Group: TXT

What: Beomgyu/f!reader, collegeAU, slow burn, eventual smut, college student!Gyu, model!Gyu

Word count: 2,238

A/N: this is for @bluekais ❤ Hope you enjoy! Sorry that it's taken so long! There will be a Part 2 coming but I got myself elbows-deep into Kinktober so might take a while as well 🎃

____________________________________

"Tch."

The dissatisfied noise leaving your lips had become habit by now. Just his presence annoyed you, but the fact that he had the nerve to show up late to class almost every time, carrying that stupid skateboard, made your blood boil a little bit. He never studied, never did the assignments, always showed up late and he was still somehow passing this class. This class that you had worked so hard to get into and had to keep working so hard to stay in. It didn't come naturally to you but it did to him and it made you green with envy.

"Ah, Beomgyu-ssi, how kind of you to join us," your professor quipped sarcastically as Beomgyu beamed a smile that was frustratingly charming and headed for the only empty space in the auditorium which, to your displeasure, happened to be next to you.

You didn't acknowledge each other as you continued scribbling furiously into your notebook while Beomgyu sat with his chin leaned on his hand. You noticed that he hadn't taken out anything to write with.

"Now I will hand out your assignments for the next lecture. Remember we have study week, so you will have one week to complete these. Please remain in your seats as you are now."

Your professor proceeded to hand out stacks of papers and you couldn't help noticing that he was handing only one stack for every two students. He was making his way down your row and dropped off an assignment right between you and Beomgyu.

"I can hold it for us," Beomgyu smiled pleasantly as he looked over to you, seemingly unaffected by your sour expression. As the two of you read the instructions for the music production assignment, Beomgyu would stop and mutter to himself every once in a while: "Hmm, I already have a bass guitar for this," "This would be very easy to add a snare to," "I just need vocals and someone to match the drum line to this".

"Alright, everyone ready?" The auditorium hummed with mumbled "yes"es.

"Good," your professor continued, "you will be doing the assignment in pairs, in the order that I've handed the assignments out to you".

You groaned inwardly, noticing yours and Beomgyu's names at the bottom right corner of the cover page.

"Class dismissed!"

You were unsure what to do. You'd have to spend quite a lot of time with Beomgyu to finish this but you didn't have his number and you didn't even know which dorm he was in. Before you could open your mouth to ask Beomgyu when you should meet up, he was getting up and slinging his backpack over his shoulder.

"See you later, Y/N," his voice laced with his regional dialect reached you as an afterthought.

"Tch. Fuck you too, Choi," you muttered.

___________________

It had been four days since you last saw Beomgyu and you were getting nervous. You had started the assignment early and done as much as you could do. You hated to admit it but you really did need him for this. You had worked out a base melody but it was too bare and uninteresting and you knew from hearing him talk to himself that he knew a lot of elements which could add flare and points to the assignment. You hunched over your laptop, browsing the music library. Begrudgingly, at 10 p.m. on a Tuesday, you decided to email him through the university central email list.

### 22:01 ### Hi Beomgyu, it's Y/N, your partner for the music production assignment. I've thrown some things together but we need to meet to do the rest. I realised I didn't have your number or your dorm address, let me know when we can meet up. ###

You waited for a while after pressing send, just in case he was on his emails right now. At midnight you gave up and went to sleep.

### 03:44 ### Hi! Sorry about that! Can you bring what you have over to mine at about noon tomorrow? Here's the postcode ###

You woke up to the reply from Beomgyu and nearly panicked that you would be late. He didn't live close by at all, the post code seemed to be for a swanky area of newly built apartments downtown, miles away from your suburban campus.

You showered and dressed as quickly as possible. You weren't dressing up for anyone. Jeans, sneakers and a flannel shirt was all Beomgyu was getting from you. You grabbed your laptop and equipment and headed out the door.

________________

At 11:55, you knocked on Beomgyu's door. He lived on the 13th floor and on the elevator up to his apartment you hoped to whoever would listen that this wouldn't turn out to be as unlucky as the out-of-order sign on the second elevator.

The front door clicked and opened to reveal a somewhat sleepy Beomgyu, dressed in a tshirt and pyjama bottoms.

"Oh, Y/N, you're early," he said, then looked at his watch. You found this ironic, considering he never showed up to class on time.

"Well, not by much. Can I come in?"

"Sure," he said, opening the front door widely for you to walk in past him. "I'll make coffee," he yawned.

As you walked past him you couldn't help but note in your head that he smelled really good. You weren't sure if it was his cologne or laundry but it was the kind that settled pleasantly in your chest and made you want to breathe in deeper. You stopped that train of thought harshly as soon as you felt your mind drift that way. You were perfectly happy with feeling generally mildly annoyed with Beomgyu. It was your comfort zone, even if having to work with him was pushing it.

"So how come you don't live on camp-- Wow..."

Your jaw dropped as you walked into the apartment. It was nothing like the cramped dorm rooms you and your friends shared on campus. It was bright, spacious and well-decorated, with huge windows and a view that rivaled the best hotels in the business district.

"How the fuck are you affording this," the words tumbled out of you with little grace before you could stop them.

"Well, since you ask, I work a lot of side jobs," Beomgyu said nonchalantly as he poured water into the kettle in the open-plan kitchen.

"Really? What do you do?"

"Uhm...," he scratched his neck sheepishly, "at the moment I model."

"You? You model?"

"Yeah, why," he tilted his head at you, looking at you quizzically.

Those big brown eyes, the soft curves of his lips, his chiseled jawline... And his hair looked really soft too. Suddenly from thinking nothing of him you were imagining him as a model. You wondered what he modeled for. Could it be fashion brands? Lifestyle? Prints? Maybe even swimsuits? He always wore those baggy jeans and t-shirts, but maybe...

"Y/N?"

"Oh," you snapped back to him, realising you hadn't answered him. "Yeah I just... didn't know, that's all."

"Uhm, cool. Why don't you drop your stuff off in the room down the hall, the one on the left?"

You nodded and picked up your laptop bag and equipment, your feet sinking into the plush carpet as you padded down the hall. You nudged open the door to the room he'd pointed you to, jaw dropping again for the second time today as you walked in.

The room was a small makeshift studio, with mics, a sound control board and several guitars. Several notepads were strewn about along with a few used coffee mugs and muffin wrappers. It seemed to be the most lived-in space of Beomgyu's house so far and you were suddenly starting to understand why he never seemed to pay much attention to the classes. You dropped your bags off in the corner and sat down at his computer, looking at the various pieces of equipment connected to it.

"How do you like your coffee?"

You nearly jumped out of your skin when you heard Beomgyu's pleasant voice reverberate in the room. You hadn't heard him come in after you. Covering up your startled reaction, you mumbled your preference and he returned shortly with two steaming mugs, setting them down on his desk.

"Um, so... For this assignment I've tried layering the melodies but it's very bare. I thought we could use it as a starting point and build on it," you said, trying to sound more businesslike.

"That's good, thanks. I actually don't have a lot of time so a head start would be good. I have an hour now but then I need to head out."

Your brow furrowed. An hour? It had taken you three days to put together what you had so far.

"Let's see what you've got," Beomgyu reached for the USB stick in your hands and plugged it into his computer. He downloaded the files and ran them.

An unobtrusive melody filled the small studio. He listened politely, head tilted to one side until it faded out.

"Um... Yeah, I don't play guitar so I wasn't sure what would sound good with that," you started, hands playing with the edges of your shirt nervously. You hated feeling incompetent, especially in front of Beomgyu.

"Yeah, no offence, but it does need a lot more than that," he said. "Let's see what I can do with that."

You sat in your chair and watched him plug one of his guitars into the amp behind you. He tuned it according to the scales in your melody and started to play along.

"Nana naaa," he hummed along quietly. "I don't know about that bar, what do you think," he asked you.

"It's not bad but I think it can go for longer," you replied. Beomgyu nodded, stopping the recording and starting again.

You watched him get lost in his own world as the notes coming from his guitar breathed life into your melody. You watched his fingers strum and pluck, watched his lips open and close in concentration, occasionally the lower one being worried by his teeth. You watched his long hair fall into his face. You simply watched Beomgyu in his zone, not noticing when he stopped playing.

"Y/N?"

Your eyes focused and met his deep brown ones, your lips tensing as you tried to seem attentive.

"Yeah? Yeah, that was good, let's add that in," you spoke quickly.

"Cool," Beomgyu then stood up and reached behind you to switch off the amp. You couldn't stop yourself from breathing in again when his chest and neck nearly brushed across your face. His warm hand dropped to your shoulder, giving you a casual pat.

"Why don't you sit at the computer and keep replaying the recoding while I write down the chords," he suggested.

"Okay, sure," you stood up in the cramped space and there was barely room for you two to switch places. Beomgyu's hands instinctively came up to your waist to steady you as he brushed past you. Your breath hitched but you said nothing as you sat down at his desk and started the recording.

Your combined melody filled the small room and you found yourself nodding along. You hated to admit it but you liked it much more with Beomgyu's additions. You played it several times while he wrote down the chords.

"Right, awesome," he drawled in his dialect after he was finished. "I have to get dressed and head out now, but if you want we can meet up again later today. I won't be done until quite late but I sleep late anyway."

"How late are we talking," you asked suspiciously.

"I would be done about 11, we could meet back here," Beomgyu offered.

You hesitated for a second. It was a lot later than what you considered acceptable but at the same time you didn't trust Beomgyu. You weren't sure you would get any more time out of him than this.

"Okay, deal. Message me when you're done and I'll head over."

"Cool, here's my number," Beomgyu grabbed your phone to type his own number in and called himself. "You okay to let yourself out?"

He left the studio and went into the room across, which you guessed was probably his bedroom. You copied the new files onto your USB before you packed up your things and left the studio as well. On the way you saw that Beomgyu's bedroom door was ajar. You saw him standing with his back to the door as he was pulling his t-shirt over his head. Your lips tensed into a line as you tried to not to make any noise and not even to breathe.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"See you later, Y/N."

You stood frozen in place as your eyes traced the lines of his back muscles to his pretty shoulders, not missing his toned arms flexing as he reached up to push the t-shirt over his head. Your gaze trailed back down his body to his hips where his bottoms were slung low, exposing the two cute dimples at his lower back. He didn't look like he was wearing anything underneath.

Beomgyu dropped his shirt to the floor and you suddenly darted down the corridor, panicked that he would turn around and see you. His bottoms dropped down just as he heard his front door open and shut.

#txt beomgyu #txt choi beomgyu #txt imagines #txt scenario #txt college au #txt au #txt fic #tomorrowxtogether #tomorrow x together #txt beomgyu imagines #txt beomgyu fluff

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hermitcraftheadcanons · 4 years

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Hello Internet, welcome to GAME THEORY, where instead of putting a joke here I want to ask you a question. It's time to talk UNDERTALE.

Now I don't think I've ever gotten this many requests to cover a theory, (no requests times no requests is still no requests.) Anyway, across my tumblr dashboard, NO ONE has asked for this. And honestly, I'm disappointed. True loyal theorists will know that Undertale is my favorite game of all time.

Undertale is a game where every character, from goat mom to grind fodder has a sympathetic design and a unique personality, motivations, goals, fears. Whether you're saving or slaughtering them, the game makes you feel something every time you enter an encounter. But to me, one character stood out amongst all the rest. SANS. A skeleton named after the font, Comic Sans. ANYWAYS, Sans is, well, there's a lot of mystery around this guy. And before we get into it, let me put up a very special spoiler warning: UNDERTALE is a game best experienced blind. So if you haven't played it, pause your reading of this and come back after you've finished. I PROMISE YOU, I PROMISE you won't regret it. Alright, so everyone out of the pool and ready for the adult swim? Good. Because I'm feeling pretty determined to get to the bottom of Sans' mystery. So just to recap for those of you who haven't played the game and ignored the SPOILER WARNING, or just need a refresher, Sans is one of the two skeletal brothers who appears in the game. His partner is Papyrus, a loud, goofy trap lover also named after a font. But in the world of Undertale their origins are a big question mark. All you really know is what's given to us by a shopkeeper in Snowdin, who explains that Sans and Papyrus, quote, “just showed up one day and asserted themselves.” Weird, right? What's more is that, well, Papyrus is just kinda the goofy sidekick. Sans is much more complex.

He likes fart jokes, but he's also incredibly powerful and deadly serious. Not only is his boss battle the hardest in the game, he's one of the only characters who has knowledge and power over space and time. He can take shortcuts around the world through ridiculous routes. Even is walking through walls. He also acknowledges that he's only one of infinite versions of himself, making self-aware commentary of the various timelines that you've played through in the game. He can even count the number of times he's killed you. He acts like an arbiter of this world, passing out judgements on the player's actions in the game, even explaining the secrets of EXP and LOVE, or EXECUTION POINTS and LEVELS OF VIOLENCE, just to clarify. In short, he just doesn't quite fit in with the rest of the world of monsters. But then, what, or who, is he? Well, the idea that he doesn't belong in the underworld seems to be correct.

The evidence seems to point to the fact that he WAS, in fact, formerly a surface dweller. In the true pacifist ending of the game, as the group looks out onto the horizon, Papyrus asks Sans about the giant ball in the sky. Sans says, quote, “we call that the sun.” This is important because A, the usage of the word WE, and knowledge of the sun shows that Sans has a kinship or knowledge with other humans, and B, that despite he and Papyrus both being skeletons, or, supposedly, brothers, and apparently appeared in underworld at the same time, they CLEARLY have two very different histories. Why would Papyrus not know the name of the sun but Sans would?

We get further clues to Sans' origins as we hear him say multiple times he wants to "go home" or "go back." He says as much during his dinner date scene at the Mettaton hotel. He notices that the player wants to go home and says, quote, "I know the feeling." He then continues, "maybe sometimes it's better to take what's given to you." As though he ended up in the underworld by accident. AND in a genocide run during his boss fight he says, quote, "look, I gave up trying to go back a long time ago." End quote. And before you say he means going back to the surface world, that's clearly not the full story. His very next line of dialogue is, "and getting to the surface doesn't really appeal anymore either." Key word here is “EITHER.” Yes, he seems to hail from the surface and wants to go back, but based on his dialogue he no longer considers it his home. It's as though the surface world he once knew is gone, as though he's from a different time. It's pretty intriguing. So we're left with a being that appeared out of nowhere, presumably from being from the human surface, but from a different time period, who seemingly has the power to teleport. That's a lot of questions and not a lot of answers.

But here's where things get REALLY interesting. Sans has a hidden workshop that takes a fair amount of searching to find. You could say it takes a lot of DETERMINATION to unlock. Anyways, obligatory determination references aside, as you start to look for this easter egg Sans gives you a key to his room and says "it's time you learn the truth." After some searching you find the workshop which contains items that leave even more questions. A photo album featuring Sans and a bunch of smiling people you don't recognize, a badge, blueprints with illegible handwriting, and a broken machine hidden behind a curtain. In the latest update, one more detail was added. A hand-drawn picture of 3 smiling faces with the words “don't forget.”

So, what does it all mean? Well a lot of Undertale theorists have been linking these details to a feature to a character named W.D Gaster. A ghostly character who never truly appears in the game. Honestly, covering him is a theory all unto itself, and probably one best saved for another day. Even still, none of the Gaster theories I've seen have been able to explain all the details. In particular, the photo album, and the badge. And that's what kept nagging me as I researched Undertale. A badge? That one in particular really stuck out to me. Why would such an oddly specific item to be hidden in the huge easter egg of a room? Something that supposedly reveals the truth about Sans? Badges just aren't important in Undertale. Then it hit me. What if this badge isn't from Undertale? What if this badge is from a completely different series? And was, in fact, the most important badge in the history of gaming? One of the Iskall patreon badges.

Now, for those of you wondering what I'm talking about, the Iskall Patreon Badges are a pivotal item from Iskall’s patreon. You know, the one on Hermitcraft. Anyway, the Iskall Patreon Badges are a really important part of Iskall’s character. So I asked myself; what if the badge in Sans' drawer was ONE OF THOSE EXACT badges? Well first off, it made Undertale connected to my favorite youtuber, thereby making it even COOLER, but that's still a pretty big logical leap. I needed more. Let me tell you, as I started looking, more and more pieces started to fit into place.

In Hermitcraft Season 6, there are three Architechs. (This was before Stress joined in season 7.) These 3 were Iskall, Grian and MumboJumbo. And what does Sans happen to have in his other drawer? A photo album with pictures of Sans with people you don't recognize. Of course you don't know them, they're not characters present in Undertale. And note the word that's used here, PEOPLE you don't recognize. Not underworld monsters. So that's 2 items oddly linked to the Hermitcraft series.

But then, how do the blueprints and broken machine fit in? Well, in the final stretch of Hermitcraft, Iskall is the only one who hasn’t died since the Demise game, so he sells his own body to the highest bidder. Except, it comes with a cost. Everyone is poor. As a result, and with the help of ImpulseSV, the Architechs (minus Mumbo,) are forced to finally kill Iskall, ending his streak since the beginning of demise. I watched this episode in 2020 and I'm not ashamed to admit that when I first saw this scene, I cried. It's DEVASTATING.

Iskall says goodbye to his friends, his co-workers, this character you've grown to love and care about is suddenly promising to sacrifice his life. For all he knows, there is no possibility of him being able to come back after his Demise. It's this incredibly dark departure in the final moments of what was otherwise a fun, quirky, and colorful Season 6.

So what does all of this have to do with Undertale? A LOT, actually. But the first thing you need to know is that the hermits are known for their, let's say, unique written linguistic style.

That would explain the illegible handwriting on the blueprints. And the machine? I think a broken infinity portal is behind that curtain. Now that may seem like a stretch, but it actually explains a lot.

If Sans wound up in Undertale via whacky infinity portal hyjinx, it could provide a reason for why he's a skeleton. He used the machine as organic matter and suffered the consequences. Not killing him, but turning at least a part of him into a pile of bones. That could also explain why Sans has given up hope for going home. Remember the infinity portal is a time machine. By being in the underworld, he's not only in a different place, but based on how he talks, he's also in a different time, with no hope of travelling back to the time he came from. This could theoretically happen. It turned Scar into a wizard and completely disintegrated Welsknight, so the rules are… Flimsy at best.

But the crossovers between Hermitcraft and Undertale continue. In Grian’s episode, (EDIT IN TIMESTAMP) he mentions he’s amazed that Iskall only escaped his demise with a lost arm. He says Iskall had “a lot of determination to not die for real,” and that he’s going to continue to study this. Seems awfully similar to the same experiments happening in Undertale around the trait of determination, no? Especially since so much has shown that Sans was a key player in those experiments.

But I'm sure you also want physical evidence right? Well don't worry, because I have plenty. Take a look at Iskall and Sans side by side. Iskall’s left eye is replaced with a diamond loupe. Sans’ left eye glows blue when he’s mad. Both have extremely chill yet are known for their jokes and, dare I say, laugh.

In short, we have some incredibly strong proof that the Hermitcraft Cinematic Universe, (HCU) is somehow connected to the Undertale world, which brings us back to our initial question, WHO IS SANS?

Well, what if we took it one final step and said that Sans happened to be Iskall from Hermitcraft? Sent through the Infinity Portal at the end of season 6 to go to Season 7, carrying an Iskall Patreon Badge and his photo album. Not only do all the items in the workshop suddenly fit, but so does Sans’ behavior.

Remember, Sans can seemingly travel extremely quickly. And Iskall just happens to have an elytra, a device that allows people to travel hundreds of metres extremely quickly. This even explains why Sans bleeds when you finally hit him. He is, or at least, WAS, a human.

Oh and finally, Sans shares two out of five letters with the name Iskall. That's just a fun one. I thought it was worth mentioning.

But if there was any doubt, we have to look no further than the creator's previous work. Toby Fox, the man behind Undertale is actually DocM77, the creator of every hermit (besides Scar.) Now, if Toby Fox, the creator of Undertale, is also DocM77, creator of Iskall, we know they will most definitely share a universe. Which brings us back to Undertale. 2 faces, with “don't forget” written on it? It's Iskall, trying to remember his 2 friends. In short, Undertale is a continuation of Toby’s version of Hermitcraft Season 6, with Iskall never being able to get home, adopting the name Sans. The pieces all just seem to fit. Now all we need is an appearance from Ethoslab and we’ve got ourselves a true sequel.

But hey, that's just a theory. A GAME THEORY! THANKS FOR WATCHING!

#hcraft #hermitcraftheadcanons #iskall85 #iskall #TheScience!#posted 11.05.20 #long post #please note this is literally a copy paste of the actual script #with some changes #but yeah actual cred to Matt on this one

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issaxcharlie · 4 years

Text

Story: Messing with the stars

Chapter 1

Bobby

I always end up here. It is as if her voice drags me back. It’s a miracle that no one has noticed how often I sit here to see her.

She finishes rehearsing, I grab my backpack and race to the parking lot to catch up with my friends.

Lottie, Gary, Lucas and Hope are waiting for me in front of Lottie's car.

"Bobbycakes, where were you?" Lottie looks annoyed, the others just get in the car.

“Sorry, Lottie. Mr. Hughes wanted to talk to me about my homework.”

My eyes move like magnets to her, like every single day. She has her dark brown hair tied up in a beautiful braid. Her green crop top matches her beautiful eyes perfectly. She laughs as she walks home with her best friend, Kassam. The two quickly bonded over their love for music and had being inseparable ever since.

“Bobby, are you listening?” Lottie brings me back to the real world, she looks angry. But decides to just get on the wheel. I walk into the passenger seat and turn to see her beautiful face one more time.

“Did you hear that this time it will be obligatory for us to participate in the school play this semester? It will directly impact our Drama class. ”

Everyone sighs in frustration.

“Why are we taking Drama again?” Asked Gary, clearly annoyed.

"Is mandatory this semester, an attempt by the school to make us more creative and versatile, or something like that." Says Hope, somewhat disinterested. After all, she is known for being good at whatever she does. She doesn't mind leaving her advanced math class for a semester in order to recite some lines.

"It wouldn't be a bad thing if I had to kiss that beautiful theater freak." Gary is smiling, definitely imagining himself in that situation. Gross.

“Alison Light?” Wow, Lucas seems to have been paying attention to her too.

"Hell yeah mate, she’s gorgeous." Lottie rolls her eyes, and Hope dramatically changes the conversation.

Alison Light, aka Sunny or Sunlight. (Or at least that's how I would call her if I had the guts to speak to her.) Everyone else calls her Ally, and I'm embarrassed to say that my friends call her theater freak.

There is a rumor, that Sunny's dad passed away 5 years ago. Her mom found a job in London, so they had to move from Scotland. Alison took refuge in music, which has always been what she loved the most, entered the choir, the school band, each play, whatever was involved with music, she did it. That's how she earned the ‘theater freak’ nickname from everyone else, especially, Lottie and Gary. Unfortunately, everyone listens to Lottie and Gary.

I came to school a year later. Lottie immediately thought I had the potential to belong to her group, to this day I have no idea why. She told me that if I wanted to belong, I had to be around people with potential, and when Sunny approached with vibrant eyes and a huge smile to introduce herself, Lottie pushed her to the side, and made fun of her for having a 'crush' on the new kid and behaving ‘desperate’.

I didn’t defend her. I followed Lottie down the hall, and didn't turn to see her even once.

Every day when I see her in the hallway I wonder why I chose a scary stranger instead of the girl with the most beautiful smile I have ever seen, and the conclusion makes me quite embarrassed.

I chose Lottie because I was tired of being the kid everyone made fun of regardless of the consequences, the one who was just a joke. The boy Caitlin Evans cheated on by pretending she wanted me to be her boyfriend just to humiliate me in front of the whole school. I saw the opportunity to be someone different, and I took it. Letting go not only poor and humiliated Bobby, but also the opportunity to meet Alison in the process.

The next day I walk with the boys to the auditorium. Most of the students are already there. The music is quite loud, and her perfect voice immediately reaches my ears. As we get closer I can finally see what's going on. Kassam and Alison are doing a duet of the song "Into the Unknown" which in my opinion is not easy to sing. I’m annoyed to admit that they sound perfect together. Their harmonies are beautiful and their notes are totally clean and well placed. All of us who do not normally belong to this class, have our mouths open.

“As you could hear, this class has talent to spare. I will not accept less than what I know you can give. Everyone will sing a part of the song you wrote me yesterday on the list.” Mr. Hudson loves music as much as Alison, and has been an important person in her life for the past few years. He has always been kind to me, and has invited me multiple times to participate in his plays due to my and i quote ‘charming personality ’.

Auditions started. Surprisingly my friends did a pretty decent job. I would not choose them as the protagonists but they were not bad.

I always wanted to try theater. I've been watching it for years, since I've never missed a play by Alison, no matter how delusional it sounds. And I always liked singing, but believe me or not, I have stage fright. Also, even if I sang, the chances of me beating Kassam in the lead are microscopic.

"McKenzie, let's go. I have a feeling you will do a good job, I am excited to hear you.” Mr. Hudson, I honestly hope I don't fall off the stage while I go up, for me that will already be a victory.

The music starts playing, but I am unable to open my mouth. I turn to meet her green eyes, which for the first time in years seem to speak to me. She tries to tell me to focus on her, and I do. The song starts again, and this time I manage to start singing the words, which sound more whispered than anything else.

"Of your kiss, your touch, your love" Sunny starts singing with me, everyone turns to see her, but she seems determined to help me sing this song. I remain somewhat fearful during the chorus, and she takes the second verse like a queen. Focusing on making me feel comfortable, still staring at my eyes and taking my hand.

Suddenly, she is the only thing I can see.

The connection I felt the first time I saw her feels stronger than ever as we dance together across the stage, our voices sounding perfect next to each other, like they're meant to fit together.

I'm definitely not half as good as Kassam is, but without a doubt my connection and chemistry with Sunny is much stronger, or at least that's what I want to believe. A man has to have hope. It was a magical moment, like when Troy and Gabriella meet and sing 'Start Of Something New' together. Don't judge me, I saw her with my sister Gemma.

The song ends and everyone is shocked. Lottie seems about to pass out, and Lucas looks at me in disbelief.

"I've found my stars." Mr. Hudson whispers, his eyes lit up.

"What? No way! They were supposed to be solos, not duets ” Lottie yells, clearly about to lose her patience.

"My decision is final. I've never seen so much chemistry, it's like they were meant to be together. ” Seems like I'm not the only one who thinks so. I knew Mr. Hudson was a smart guy.

"This work is going to be the best we have ever done, I assure you." Sunny blushes slightly, we are still holding hands, and I honestly don't feel like letting her go, but she starts to pull apart gently.

"Thank you, Sunny." I whisper, she looks at me with mischief in her green eyes. That's when I realize what I said. WE ARE NOT NEAR THE STAGE OF NICKNAMES, GOOD ONE IDIOT.

"Omg, I'm so sorry, Alison. I, You probably don’t even know my name and I’m calling you by a nickname, this is so embarrasing.” I start to mumble things that I don't understand myself.

She smiles at me, trying to calm me down. "It's okay, Bobby McKenzie. Professional joker, awesome baker, beautiful eyes. From Scotland, just like me.” She emphasizes my name, so I have no doubts that she knows who I am. And I almost passed out with the beautiful eyes thing. Fuck, she's so sweet.

“Sunny sounds adorable, I was getting tired of theater freak anyway. And like Mr. Hudson, I could see your full potential. You just needed a hand.”

I blush, hard. She likes it. Both the nickname and the fact that she made me blush. I can see it on her face.

Lottie grabs my arm and starts dragging me toward Hope to leave.

This time I don't let history repeat itself.

"I'll see you tomorrow... Sunny." I wink at her, trying to sound and look as cool as possible.

She smiles. "See you tomorrow, partner."

#litg bobby #litg mc #litg2 #bobby x mc #bobby mckenzie #love island bobby

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catholicartistsnyc · 5 years

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Meet: Emily Claire Schmitt

EMILY CLAIRE SCHMITT is a NYC-based playwright. (www.emilyclaireschmitt.com and Twitter: @Eclaire082)

CATHOLIC ARTIST CONNECTION (CAC): What brought you to NYC?

EMILY CLAIRE SCHMITT (ECS): I'm originally from Cincinnati, Ohio and I did my undergrad at Saint Mary's College in Indiana. I always hoped to move to New York and I was fortunate that a few things fell into place for me when I graduated. I was accepted into the New School for Drama's MFA program directly from undergrad. I had applied to schools all over the country, and this happened to be both my top choice and only acceptance letter. My college boyfriend's family is from Staten Island, so he moved back home and we were able to stay together. Now that boyfriend is my husband, so I'm here to stay.

CAC: What do you see as your personal mission as a Catholic working in the arts?

ECS: First off, I love this question. I think about this a lot, and I always try to pray a bit before I start writing, even if what I'm working on isn't an overtly religious piece. I believe that God wants to be present with us as we grapple with the world and, while I don't let religious doctrines limit the content of my writing, my writing is always filtered through a worldview that God exists.

A great deal of my art is critical of the institutional Church, but I'm still very insistent that I am a Catholic writer, as opposed to a formerly Catholic writer. There is a fundamental difference between someone who critiques from within and someone who has left the Church and is describing the experience that caused them to leave. This distinction is supremely important to me.

I believe my vocation as a writer is to be a tool for God to express Themself in the world. Sometimes this means representing the beauty of God's world, but more often than not it means shining light on that which is not in alignment with the Divine, whether within secular society or within the Church. I hope that my work makes both religious and secular people uncomfortable. I hope it makes them wonder what God thinks about them.

CAC: Where have you found support in the Church for your vocation as an artist?

ECS: I've been extremely fortunate to have made great connections with fellow Catholics in the arts. I've worked with Xavier Theatre and Film, a Jesuit theater company, and they produced a showcase of my play "The Chalice" at the Stonewall Inn. This was one of the highlights of my career thus far, an intersection of the Catholic and secular world that was truly fulfilling.

CAC: Where have you found support among your fellow artists for your Catholic faith?

ECS: It's a mixed bag. Grad school was not a positive experience for me in terms of acceptance. After 16 years of Catholic education, I was suddenly in a secular world and I made a lot of mistakes in terms of how I presented myself. I was wrestling with my faith privately, but fiercely defending it publicly, which is never a good tactic. I didn't feel safe. I no longer work with anyone from grad school, and that's best for all of us.

However, post graduation I have really found an artistic community with people of all faiths. I have frequent collaborators who are non-Catholic Christians, members of other faiths, atheists, and agnostics. I've found a particular home with The Skeleton Rep, a theater company that focuses on "building modern myth." My religious beliefs really mesh with their interests, despite being a completely secular company. I am currently developing a musical with them.

CAC: How can the Church be more welcoming to artists?

ECS: Stop policing our content. The vocation of an artist is to observe, critique, and respond. It is not the vocation of the artist to simply listen and accept doctrine without question. This means that there is an essential tension between the work of being an artist and the work of being a practicing Catholic.

As an artist, I don't have the luxury of keeping my disagreements with the Church private. I promise I'm listening and it's possible to change my mind. Please be patient with me.

CAC: How can the artistic world be more welcoming to artists of faith?

ECS: I think this is a difficult question because in most of the instances where people have been unwelcoming to me, it's because they have been hurt in some serious way by the Church. It's taken me a long time to accept that, while I have not personally hurt them, I am part of an institution that has and it's not unreasonable for them to ask me to answer for that.

I try to be clear about my beliefs and about why I have chosen to remain in the Church. I also try to articulate how I'm striving to make the Church better, while remaining firm in my support of Her. I have to be both gentle and unafraid about how and why I disagree with the secular world as well. Once again, I promise I'm listening and it's possible to change my mind. Please be patient with me.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find spiritual fulfillment?

ECS: I'm a bit of a parish hopper. When I first came to NYC I fell in love with Saint Francis Xavier, near Union Square. Their Young Adults Group was a great community for me, but after moving to Brooklyn and back I'm not as involved as I once was. I've become more interested in traditional, more formal, liturgies. Saint Joseph of Yorkville is a beautiful neighborhood parish that has a highly reverent modern mass. There are so many families with children there, it gives me great hope. And the pastor is the man who reported on McCarrick so that's no small thing.... I like a priest I can respect, for obvious reasons.

When I'm feeling in particular need of deep ritual, I do love a Latin Mass. Saint Agnes by Grand Central is a great place to go for that.

CAC: Where in NYC do you regularly find artistic fulfillment?

ECS: I already mentioned The Skeleton Rep, but one thing they do which I love are monthly artist salons. Artists will get together, drink wine, and read new work, either a full play or short plays based on a prompt. There is no formal feedback, just a chance for the writer to hear her play. And afterwards we have a party.

CAC: How have you found or built community as a Catholic artist living in NYC?

ECS: Connecting with Brother Joe Hoover at Xavier Theater has really connected me with a great community of Catholic artists. He has a way of making connections and bringing together a dynamic and diverse group of people with a huge variety of perspectives on the faith. If you ever get the chance to work with them I highly recommend it. Joe is a fantastic playwright and actor in his own right.

CAC: What is your daily spiritual practice?

ECS: I wish I had a better one... I pray every day before I write. My husband and I pray together before meals. Recently, we've been doing a daily reflection before bed. It's just one of those Little Blue Books you pick up from your parish during Advent, but it's been great.

CAC: What is your daily artistic practice? And what are your recommendations to other artists for practicing their craft daily?

ECS: I try to write for an hour every morning after working out and before leaving for work. This is really my sacred time: after my husband leaves, freshly showered, and place to myself. It's short but it's extremely important. And I can't stress enough the value of praying before you write.

CAC: Describe a recent day in which you were most completely living out your vocation as an artist. What happened, and what brought you the most joy?

ECS: The most recent Skeleton Rep salon was on New Year's Eve. I wrote a short piece for the event which spoke of my Catholic faith and it's relationship to the mission of the company. Afterwards, another artist present pulled me aside to talk about how he is a Catholic as well but had stopped going to Church. He was interested in going back, so we spent a long time talking about why I felt it was important for young Catholic artists to be in the faith and engage with it from the inside. The whole conversation was so fulfilling for me.

CAC: You actually live in NYC? How!?

ECS: I need to be completely up front and say that I have been incredibly privileged in terms of financial support from my family. This is something we do not talk about enough in the arts. My parents paid my rent and my tuition while I was in school and I am debt-free. I'm also married to someone with a traditional career who contributes the majority of our income. I am so incredibly fortunate it's not even funny.

CAC: But seriously, how do you make a living in NYC?

ECS: Even with the financial support, I do have a full-time day job. I don't know how anyone would make rent or buy groceries without one. I work in social media marketing, which is great because it's mostly all remote. I've also been nannying for my cousin's baby so making that sweet side cash.

It's a lot of work, and keeping my passion afloat on top if it, and making sure it remains my focus rather than just a "hobby" is a constant battle.

CAC: How much would you suggest artists moving to NYC budget for their first year?

ECS: I can't give a great answer to this, because it's so varied and I was in school when I started. But consider that your monthly rent is likely to be over 1K no matter where you live.

CAC: What other practical resources would you recommend to a Catholic artist living in NYC?

ECS: I can't recommend enough reaching out to Xavier Theater for professional connections. In terms of headshots, Joe Loper is a former classmate of mine who does a great job and is very reasonable. http://joeloper.com/

CAC: What are your top 3 pieces of advice for Catholic artists moving to NYC?

ECS: 1.) Don't rush finding your people. It's a big city and it takes time.

2.) Exercise.

3.) Go to confession. Why make art with sin on your soul?

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