#I’ve also got comfort tv shows too but I won’t go there

[bagopucks]

J. Hughes - Sally Forth [Peter McPoland]

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Jack Hughes x Fem!dancer!reader

Requested✨

Word count: 3.7k

Warning(s): None

I didn’t state ‘Dance Moms’ specifically, but I also didn’t specify any studio or tv show for that matter. So it’s up for interpretation! The title is also the song I had in mind for the reader’s performance, but that is also up for each person’s creative interpretation.

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“Be ready ladies! I’m serious!” The shrill voice of our dance instructor had myself and the other girls tensing in our seats. This had to be perfect. I had to be perfect.

What the internet says is no lie, reality tv is not for children. I know that, but I have never once regretted experiencing all seven seasons of this show, and now finishing eight. The tv aspect is not what worries me. It’s Nationals. I got the soloist spot in my studio. Some girls cheered me on, others did not. I learned who were my real friends and who weren’t over the years. It was the same with the moms. I’ve always had trouble with them. Any adult in your life can be someone you look to for guidance. In this case, I did not enjoy the company or guidance of any mother on the show. The moms were always building someone up and tearing someone down. Often one was done to accomplish the other. Nobody could ever be equal.

Our director, competition, the end of a season. These were all relative constants in my life from a young age. They caused distress and pride. Self esteem issues, and self discovery.

I was never soft. In this industry I learned that a person simply won’t survive if they are too sensitive. But I had a superpower. Mama Hughes always reminded me of that. I was raised across the street from three rambunctious boys. They gave me hell every day of my life. I had a rough exterior and interior because I grew up getting pushed around, hit in the eyes with foam hockey balls, and shoving any brother out of the way when I heard Ellen shout that lunch was ready. Underneath the chaos, it had always been more than that. I would spend hours working on puzzles with Quinn, and watching movies we weren’t supposed to with Jack. A lot of the bonding I did with Luke was more so teasing and ganging up on him with his brothers, but I did offer school advice when he came to me for it. I slept over with those boys for many years, all wrapped up in comforters sprawled out across the floor. I spent many holidays with them as well. Even Hanukkah.

It was not only my grit and rough exterior that kept me afloat, but my good heart and soul that helped me not get lost in the fame and fortune. Ellen often told me that. But when her words didn’t work, I went to Jack.

He was the only person right now I could consistently think of. My mother and Ellen were here. The dads were in charge of the boys. I didn’t know why. How many adults did it take to control the Hughes boys? I could do it grabbing one by the ear, pinching another’s side, and promising the third a cookie.

I’d have a large support group, but Jack was the one I was worried about messing up in front of. People used to make jokes about us being so close, saying that one day we might get married. We used to gag at each other and shoot off empty insults about the opposite sex until we thought we made our points loud and clear.

Jack stopped that childish antic before me.

I stopped it shortly after.

then we ended up together.

“Alright, your costume’s in the bathroom, let me see your makeup.” I turned in my chair to look up at Ellen. My mother had never been particularly great at cosmetics, but Ellen promised she’d be there to make me pop. “You look beautiful.”

I did some of it on my own, but our instructor was tense about young teens doing their own makeup, so Ellen helped with the eyeliner and maskera.

“Go get into your costume while I clean up.” My mom piped up, and I smiled at her before practically sprinting to the bathroom down the hall. My costume was my favorite one by far. A dark green corset top, where one of the straps was covered in pale pastel colored flowers. Connected to it was a cream colored chiffon skirt, the same pastel floral arrangement sewn in strategically to make the buds look like they grew in a curved diagonal up the side. The skirt flowed nicely with my movements when I practiced in it, and the flowers accentuated every twist and turn. I gave myself a once over in the bathroom mirror before the nerves finally dawned on me. The tingly feeling followed me all the way back into the dressing room, my nails digging into my palms. Jack used to hold my hands in school under the desks when I did that. Now I didn’t have Jack with me.

“Oh baby!” My mom gasped, heads of other girls turning in the process. “You look so perfect.” My mom reached her arms out, and I did my best to attempt a side hug.

“Please don’t crush the flowers mom,” I spoke, alarming her and causing her to pull back.

“You look absolutely beautiful, sweetheart.” One of the mothers chimed in with what I might dare to call a genuine smile. “Now you just have to dance as perfect as you look.” There it was.

I quickly turned back to Ellen and my mother, my brows furrowed in a silent type of fear I didn’t know how to articulate. After so many years of dance, I still couldn’t voice my nerves properly when I needed to. No doubt because the other girls got torn down for it in the studio.

“You’re going to be so good baby. Come here,” my mom sat down in the chair I previously used in front of my vanity. I walked over and placed my hands in her own.

“You’re gonna do so good. What matters is that you were good enough to make it this far. This right here, is already impressive enough for everybody in this family. Your father and I will never stop bragging about you to everybody we know. Win or lose.” She smiled, and I could see tears forming in her eyes. My own mother made me want to cry on my performance day. “Ellen-“ she sniffed. “Pep talk- I’m gonna cry.”

I turned back to the woman I’d known since the age of seven. She smiled at me, I saw her boys in her. Most of all, I saw so much of Jack in her.

“Motivational pep talk. Ready?” I nodded. “You’re gonna get out there, and show those kids who’s boss. Because in the Hughes house, what do we believe in?”

“Checks, goals, and five holes?” I saw Ellen’s face contort into confusion. She’d have to ask which brother taught me that later.

“No… but close. Hard work takes you far. And dedication. And kid, as cheesy as it is, as long as you have fun, that’s all it takes to be happy with your results.” Ellen’s words made me nod. I drew in a slow breath. “But if you have to check a girl off stage, I won’t hold it against you.” I broke out into a quiet fit of laughter before our moment was interrupted by our instructor informing everybody to step out into the hall. We all did, some girls huddled together while I stood between Ellen and my mom. Ever since I got this solo, I’ve felt alienated. Quinn said they were just jealous. But as a teenager, all you want is to be accepted in a place you feel you belong.

“Ellen!” Jim rounded the corner in a beige suit, looking breathless. “Ellen, you’ve gotta come help me. There’s twenty of them, and they won’t sit in their seats. Luke keeps eating all the skittles- Jack won’t keep his tie on.. and Quinn-“ he looked exasperated, as if Quinn had been the worst of all. Then he paused. “Quinn’s actually fine.. but they’re impossible to handle.” Ellen laughed at her husband’s hardship before turning to give me a quick shoulder squeeze.

“We all believe in you.” She gave me a nod, and I returned it before she walked to her husband.

“Break someone’s leg, eh?” Jimmy’s words earned concerned looks from some of the mothers before the Hughes parents left. Leaving me to wait with my mother.

As the competition started, group by group, one by one, girls went on the stage, and came off. Some beamed with pride, others cried, others looked completely relieved.

“Mom I need to text Jack.” I turned to look at her, distressed. My throat was dry, and I felt like I could barely stand on my own two legs.

“Your phone’s in the dressing room, hun.”

“Please,” I begged. She pursed her lips before retrieving her own phone from her pocket, texting Ellen and telling the blonde woman her middle child was needed.

——————

Out in the auditorium, Ellen’s phone was being passed from boy to boy, until it reached the Hughes brothers on the opposite end of the isle.

Ellie H… Sup?

Jack. I’m really nervous.

Ellie H… No reason. You’ll be fine. You did this in the living room for me like 80 times.

Yeah. But did you point out every little thing that was wrong?

Ellie H… Don’t question yourself. Just go out there, do your dance, celly a little, and lay back for the rest of the night.

Celly a little? I can’t do that on stage.. they’ll take off points.

Ellie H… I don’t know how this thing works. Mom says you look beautiful. I can’t wait to see you :)

Don’t make my nerves worse. But.. yeah I’m excited to see you too. Your dad said you wouldn’t keep your tie on?

Ellie H… Oh it’s on. Mom yelled at me.

Can’t say I’m surprised. I bet you look handsome.

Ellie H… I do. And you’re gonna be fire. 💃

Ellie H… mom says I have to put this away. It’s disrespectful or something. I’ll

———Point of View Switch———

“Jack Rowden!” I could hear my mom trying to shout through whispers, turning my head to look at her as she leaned forward to see me through a row full of guys my age. My team. They were all trying their best not to snicker while the next age group was introduced. I looked back down at the phone to finish my text before Quinn snatched the phone from my hand, bumping the send button in the process.

“Dude!”

“Mom said stop.”

“She needed me.”

“She needed me!” My head whipped to Luke, seated on my other side.

“Shut up Luke. You can’t even get a girlfriend.” Quinn backhanded my stomach- but our fight ceased at the sound of our best friend’s name. My girlfriend’s name.

I couldn’t see her in the dim lights, but I knew her figure when she walked out on stage. I saw the way her skirt flowed behind her as well. She always walked so fast. Like a woman on a mission. When she was little, I used to watch her from across the yard with a box of chalk. She’d step right out the front door and march over to her driveway like she planned on making the most elaborate chalk art known to man. One day I got the courage to actually cross the street to see her. She didn’t like sharing her chalk at first… but that was probably because I used to press so hard I’d break it. She had to show me how to use it right. Always so gentle and elegant with everything.

“She’s set. That’s what they call it in dance when a performer-“

“Quinn, shut up.” I scolded my brother, leaning forward in my seat as my hands gripped my knees.

There was a solid moment where I swear nobody breathed, but it was just me holding the air in my lungs. My girlfriend stopped moving. She was set. She liked to tell me it was a dancer’s face off.

The lights came up in bright pale colors, and the song began. I gripped my knees tighter than ever. Was this what she felt like when she watched my hockey games?

“Oh my god,” Quinn would describe my tone as enamored. I didn’t even know what that word meant. As she moved around the stage, she was breathtaking. I held my breath and gasped with every jump, turn, leap, and roll. She was good. Better than I was at hockey. And even though I’d seen this routine a million times before, it felt like the first time when she was on stage.

“Quinn! Quinny, give me the phone.” I took it from him turning on the camera and holding it up before Luke reached out. “Stop!” I hissed.

“Let me do it so you can watch her,” my younger brother offered, and that’s when I handed the phone over.

I always thought my girlfriend was brilliant every day. Every time I held her, cuddled up on the couch with her. Every time we played board games or watched movies, or studied together. I always thought she was incredible, but I never got to see her really dance. Hockey always got in the way of recitals, and my mom was always worried that me coming around too much might get me roped up into a camera shot. She supported my lovely girl on stage, but I could understand why she didn’t want me or my brothers on tv. Different lives called for different people.

My eyes were trained on her the whole time she floated across the stage. She had grace and emotion in her movements. I could feel the love for what she did, and I swear I could see it in her body language.

“Dude,” Quinn broke the silence. Silence that shouldn’t have been broken, but we didn’t have a clue. Nor did we think it too disrespectful.

“I know.” I answered, my words drawl out as I slowly leaned back, a smile forming on my lips.

“You have to marry her.” Quinn’s eyes flickered from myself back to the stage, resting his hands on the armrests of his chair.

“Can’t if she marries dance first.”

“This is the one time I would ever encourage an affair.”

The woman in front of us turned around to glare, Quinn and I fell silent. Luke was busy giggling at the fact that the audio of whatever video he got, it was going to be good.

———Point Of View Switch———

When the music came to a close, I found myself smiling as bright as the sun. I gave a graceful bow before lifting my head to see an entire isle full of people springing upright. My eyes travelled the expanse of boys to find three brothers near the end in matching navy blue suits. My smile widened. I wanted to scream.

When I was allowed to leave the stage, I did. The second I was concealed by curtains, I went sprinting to hug my mother. Now we had to play the waiting game.

I sat in the dressing room and broke off small pieces of a chocolate bar while the other girls mingled and gossiped about the acts and who they thought was placing where. I tried not to dwell on it, but I did nonetheless. My leg bounced uncontrollably, eyes set on the floor while my mom sat beside me.

“What does this emoji mean?” I turned to look at her phone. She caught sight of the end of mine and Jack’s conversation.

“I don’t know mom.. it’s just a dancer.”

When they began to announce awards, all of the dancers were called to a roped off section of the auditorium to sit. I passed the side where Jim and Ellen sat, and received a fist bump from Jimmy on the way by. I tried not to give Jack any attention, knowing if I did, I’d be even more anxious to go home empty handed in front of him.

As the groups were gone through, and recognitions handed out as well as prizes, I began to tense up.

I was gripping the edge of my seat. Only one person could be in first place of my group.

They announced the third. My heart panicked, but it made me hopeful to be second or first.

They announced the second, and my chest began to tighten while my doubts sank in. My chances narrowed. Slim to none.

The woman on stage announced the first, and all of a sudden, everything wasn’t real any more. I heard my mother screaming her lungs out. I heard Jack’s voice in the back of my head, ‘celly a little.’ What did that even look like for me?

When my emotions caught up with my body, it looked like running in place, bouncing from foot to foot, and shouting at the top of my lungs. Then I bounded out of my isle and up onto the stage. I was presented with a sash and a trophy. Then a pretty silver crown. The woman on stage congratulated me, allowed for a few rounds of applause, and I was sent to sit again. Somebody came by to take my trophy to the back for me. I insisted to keep the crown and the sash.

When the competition was brought to a close, and everyone was thanked for coming, I leapt out of my seat, running to find my parents and the rest of my ‘fans.’ I smoothed down my skirt before reaching my mom, giving her the tightest hug I could before my dad playfully pushed her aside. I heard a voice smack talking my father from behind.

“Come on man, let me see her!” The voice finally pleaded, and my dad let me go, stepping aside to let me at Jack. I bounced into his arms, and he practically swung me from side to side as I shouted in pure joy.

“God you were mesmerizing! I love you so much.” We were only fifteen, but we swore we were in love with one another.

“Thank you for coming Jack,” I breathed a sigh of relief into his shoulder before I felt a force shove his weight into mine, pushing him forward and myself back.

“Let her go, loser. We want some too.” Quinn’s words made Jack reluctantly let me go, and the eldest brother quickly slipped past to wrap his arms around me. The crown on my head slipped, but Quinn was quick to snatch it before it fell.

“I’ll hold onto this, yeah?” The eldest brother offered, making me smile and nod.

“You were awesome. Luke got a video.” Quinn informed me, slowly pulling away.

“Luke got a video?” Ellen was reaching to grab her phone from her youngest.

Instead of hugs, Luke and I exchanged a quick handshake we made up long ago before he smiled at me. “It was pretty okay,” the blonde teased. I ruffled his somewhat styled hair.

I went through with the rest of the group, greeting each of the players with smiles and high fives or fist bumps. By the time I got to the end, I realized Jack had gone around to meet me there, I giggled softly at his eagerness. He had a twinkle in his eyes that made me want to hug him forever in that moment.

We shared another quick embrace, my eyes caught on a camera behind Jack. Ellen’s boys couldn’t escape the screen this time. When Jack pulled away, I gestured for him to take his suit jacket off. For the rest of the time we stood around talking, Jack held his jacket up, concealing us from whatever cameras we spotted.

The end was the sloppy part. Everybody was getting packed up and beginning to leave. The competition had been far from home, but the hotel we were booked to stay in was nice. The hockey team had to be somewhere else, as did the Hughes boys, but Ellen told Jack she could stay with him in her room where I was only one door down that night.

By the time we left the competition building, it was pitch black outside.

“Mom, can I go with Jack?” I asked softly, and she was quick to nod a yes. My dad offered to travel with the hockey team on the bus, so Jim could spend some time with his family after being apart. Quinn and Luke took the middle seats while Jack and I crammed ourselves into the back together. Despite the jovial moods everyone was in, exhaustion was also evident. A few things were said before silence filled the car on the ride to the hotel.

“You did so good.. I was so nervous every time you jumped. You’ve never done that before in the living room.” Jack and I whispered back and forth as we sat, practically sharing the middle seat in the back. We had unbuckled to be closer. Not the safest move, I’ll admit.

“You really did look handsome tonight.” I whispered in return, reaching up to rest my hands on his shoulders.

“I loved your dance outfit.. but I think these sweatpants look better on you.” Jack teased softly as he rested his head atop the seat he leaned half of his body against. Our knees were touching, legs folded up onto the seats to make facing one another as comfortable as possible.

I dropped my head to rest against the top of the seat as well, our eyes never wandering unless to look at the other’s lips. We’ve never kissed before. In the dark, in the back of the car, it felt like our own little world. Jack must have been thinking the same thing I was.

Our heads slowly drew nearer before our lips touched. Nobody reached out to touch the other, still too hesitant to do much else, but the kiss was electric.

After we pulled away, silence followed. Jack smiled at me, and I smiled back. Within minutes, I scooted closer and rested a hand on his knee, sighing to myself and slowly dozing off as Jack began pulling the pins out of my hair and taking the bun out. I was out like a light before the ends of my hair ever met my shoulders.

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

#jack hughes #jack hughes x reader #nhl imagine #jack hughes imagine #nhl x reader #quinn hughes #luke hughes

[my-autism-adhd-blog]

Hi everyone,

It’s been a while since I’ve posted something from an article. So I wanted to share an article I found listing some ways to practice self-care. According to this article, here are some ways that could help:

Binge watch your favorite TV shows.

This is the first thing I do when I start running out of gas. It’s comforting, I identify with the characters, I know what’s going to happen in the show, and that relaxes me. It’s easy to do, like putting on a Band-Aid.

Spend a day in doing self-care activities.

I got a massage, took long baths, journaled and ate my favorite meals (a lot of Chick-fil-A and ga roti from Vietnam). I tried to spend time outside, but the mosquitoes were bad, so I ensconced myself in my sunroom which has several windows and is very colorful. It’s my happy place.

Meditate or do deep breathing.

I won’t lie, it’s difficult for me to meditate without a guiding app on my phone, and even then, I have trouble. But meditation is so good for you; it helps you be mindful, manage stress, reduce negative emotion and decreases anxiety. As for deep breathing, I always like to do box breathing, where you inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds and repeat. I read that Navy SEALs use this technique.

Go to a therapist or counselor.

I know that I talked my husband’s and my mom’s ears off about the fundraiser, and I could tell they were getting weary of being a sounding board. So I took my issues to my therapist, which is what I’m supposed to do, and it felt so good to release all that negative energy. She let me vent but helped me refocus on the good I was doing, too. I highly recommend therapy/counseling. If you don’t have a therapist, look into Family Counseling Service. It has wonderful therapists and a variety of programs.

Say no.

This is probably the most helpful self-care action you can take. Also the hardest to do. When I was working on the fundraiser, I didn’t say no at first. My type A personality (really, I’m type B) took over, and I wanted to be involved in everything. Soon I became burned out. After more therapy and self-care, I realized that I had to step back and say no. As soon as I did that, I felt way better. I was still involved in every aspect of the fundraiser, which probably annoyed the committee, but I delegated, communicated better and said no when I needed to.

The link to this article will be below if anyone wants to read through it.

#mental health #tips for mental health #mental health is important #don’t overwork yourself #take care of your health and yourself #feel free to reblog/share if you’d like

[therewasatale]

ABC room

On Ao3.

Summary: Even if Gordon doesn't want to move in to the studio, it doesn't mean that he doesn't have a place in there.

Based on prompt.

Finally, the buildings and the park next to them, quieted down. The puppets either watched the new films that Gordon got to them in the theatre, some cartoon and document films. He and Ricky agreed that this might be the most useful way to help the puppets get back to their old-selves.

He checked on Ray, thankfully everything was all right with the big guy, the basement manageably clean, and the pipes intact.

He fed and played with the dogs in the park, just to make sure they too got enough attention, and while Gordon would never admit, they grew on him over the time.

Goblette returned to her place in the studio. She became a bit prone to isolation over the last couple of weeks, so Gordon managed to get a small tv and VHS player for her. He also made her room more comfortable for her and visited her daily. Goblette had to deal with her own trauma, but with tiny steps, she would get better. She was strong deep down, and one of the best listeners he has ever met.

All in all, everyone was doing fine. Still the most annoying part of this second job was still waiting for him.

He was tired, so God damn tired, thanks to this second secret-job. And yet, somehow, he was still filled with content. For years he couldn't do anything that helped others, now he was at least able to help some lost puppets.

"Gordon, hey, stop snoozing." Ricky slid slightly out from his pipe, right next to Gordon's head and stared at him with his two unsymmetrical eyes.

"I'm not snoozing, just thinking," grumbled Gordon, as he rubbed his face and supressed a yawn. He won't give Ricky the satisfaction of seeing exactly how tired he actually felt.

"Your eyes were closed for abooouuut…55 seconds."

"You're really good at counting, maybe we could make some math lessons for you to teach the kids."

The puppet frowned as much as he was able to. "You're grumpy."

"And you're made out of a sock," Gordon chuckled and glanced down at the paper in front of him.

"Yeah, yeah, very funny, big guy. If you're that sleepy, go to your room and have some rest."

"My room is quiet far away, Ricky. And I want to check on this contract." He could feel the sock-puppet's mismatched eyes stare at him.

"I'm talking about the room inside the building, grumpy." He moved his head, like a human would roll their eyes. It was almost impressive how a puppet could show more emotions than most people Gordon has met.

"I've never agreed to live here." Gordon pointed at the puppet with his pen.

"And I didn't talk about you moving in here, silly," under his fake-cough Ricky added 'for now', "but to be fair it would be more comfortable to everyone. The others like you to be around, make them feel safe, and even Goblette seems calmer when you are around."

Again, Gordon scoffed as he leaned back in his chair. "That's emotional blackmailing, Ricky. Some would say it's a really nasty trick to pull."

"No, it's not, it's just the truth. Listen," Ricky let out an almost honest sigh. "You're a human, you need sleep, even I know your body needs rest, or your brain will conjure some pretty dark thoughts, besides you don't make good decisions when you're tired to the bone."

The puppet got a point, somehow most of the time he got a point when he was arguing with Gordon. It was annoying. In a nicest way.

"So, why don't you lay down in that room? It's actually pretty close. We just have to go down two floors."

"We?" As he glanced over his arm he watched in amazement, as the sock-puppet climbed from his deck to his chair then up to his shoulder.

"Wooho, sweet-sweet freedom. See? I'll guide you there by myself."

Gordon looked at the puppet, who somehow over the few weeks since he known him, became his friend. His overly positive attitude and smartass personality somehow made him endearing.

"Come on," Ricky nodded towards the door. "Or, we can read together the contract if you want." He leaned over from his shoulder and started to read, deliberately mispronouncing a couple of difficult words and then loudly yawning.

"I'm going, I'm going-," Gordon finally stood up leaving the pen next to the unread paper.

"See? Was that really hard?"

"Oh, shut it, before I send you down to Ray through one of the garbage pipes."

Ricky, even without a pair of lungs, gasped dramatically. "You wouldn't dare."

"You would be surprised." Gordon answered letting out a small chuckle.

They made their way to the elevator, and went down two floors.

Gordon felt the exhaustion clinging to him more and more with every step. The only thing that kept him awake was Ricky, who kept curiously glanced around his shoulder, humming a song under his puppet nose.

"The 11th room is yours, it's not too far from the elevator or us, but not too close to the noise we make." The puppet told him. It wasn't hard to find the room actually, it was the only one that had an ABC painted on its door.

"ABC, very funny," Gordon rolled his eyes.

"You have to admit that you were quiet a hero as you gallivanted around the buildings, with that gun of yours."

"You tried to steal it from me." He glanced at the Puppet as he opened the door.

"You wanted to shut down the antenna." Retorted Ricky. "I would say that we're even," he focused his limited attention inside. "So, what do you think?"

He was greeted by a spacious room, when this place was still a popular hotel, they probably charged a small fortune even for one night. Inside, there was a wide bed, two dark lacquered wardrobes, a small table and two accompanying chairs. A door opened to the bathroom, which was now dark.

Still, Gordon's attention was drawn to the drawings and sheets that used to decorate the otherwise white walls. Some just had the text: 'Gordon and his friendly neighbourhood'. Others were drawings showing the different puppets holding hands, with a stick figure that could possibly looked like him. Pirate flags, and crossbones here on there on other papers. There was one, that was a bit dirtier than the others, it had a wrench and some sacks on it. One of the papers only had a giant chicken-like footprint on it. He was able to see another with a piano drawn in crayon. Some puppets chose to draw on papers and put them on the walls, some, now he realised drew straight to the walls of his room.

"Have to say, it wasn't easy to stop them from filling all of the walls. I think they became quiet the fond of you, Gordon." Ricky said, clearly with a warm smile in his voice.

"Yeah, I guess," Gordon murmured and glanced away, but he knew the puppet caught the embarrassment on his face.

"Now, get to the bed and have some rest. We can look at the contract tomorrow, and you can even get a headache. I’ll allow it. "

The puppet gently nudged him with his head. He scoffed with a tired sigh, but listened.

"All right, all right, I can sleep for a couple of hours, then at dawn I can read those darned papers. Just get me some coffee."

"Good, until then I can go and look out for the others. If you'd be so nice chap." Ricky nodded at next to the bed where a pipe was waiting for him.

There was a pause, then Gordon stepped closer, letting the puppet climbed into it from his arm. "Do I want to know, why do you have a pipe to in my room?"

"No."

He scoffed and decided not to push it, instead he laid down into the bed and let out a sigh. The bed was so, so comfortable, and he almost forgot about the puppet next to his bed watching him. Almost.

“You know, Gordon, you remind me of the ocean.” Rocky glanced at him.

Gordon cocked an eye at him, not sure what to expect. “Why the ocean?”

“Because you’re salty and you scare people.” And with that the puppet vanished into the tubes inside the building, his chuckle echoing in the room around him.

"You damn little sock-puppet!" Gordon scoffed again and pulled the cover over him. "One of these days I will turn you into a hat, Ricky!" He yelled after him, but again he only received a warm chuckle.

"Good night, Gordon!" Ricky's voice echoed from the distance trough the pipes; it had a kind friendly tone.

"Yeah-yeah, night." Gordon turned to his side and adjusted the sheet on him. His thoughts began to wander, as his eyes slowly closed. The last thing he saw before falling asleep was the papers and drawings on the wall around him. Once again, he felt like he really made a good decision to help these puppets out.

#my friendly neighborhood #my friendly neighborhood fanfiction #ricky #Gordon O'Brian #copper

[renazuku]

this is me trying

part of the forever and always collection

IN WHICH; bakugou hasn't had the brightest past. in the moonlight, his regrets seem to cut a little deeper than usual. after failing to get his hero license, he can't help but feel lackluster to everyone else. he just wants people to know that he's trying.

PAIRING; bakugou katsuki x gn! reader

CONTAINS; reverse comfort, songfic, one mention of reader having romantic feelings for bakugou - disregard that and it can be read as platonic

WC; 1.6k words

BASED ON; this is me trying - taylor swift

A/N; the very first story in forever and always! yayyyy

They told me all of my cages were mental, so I got wasted like all my potential.

“Oh, c’mon!” Kaminari groaned when he saw the TV, dropping his joycon to the floor. “KIRBY WINS!” was onscreen, with a giggling Mina in front. “Someone get her outta here,” He complained. “I’m tired of fighting Kirby all the time!” Everyone was in the common room, hanging out and playing games before heading to bed. I was currently curled up on one of the couches, watching the matches taking place in the middle of the floorspace. It’s only been a couple of days since we received the results for our hero license exam, and the excited jitters have yet to depart.

I laughed. “Kaminari, just say you suck at Smash. Don’t worry, we won’t make fun of you…too much, at least.” I smile teasingly. 

“Whatever. Someone else battle me.” He calls out.

“Kacchan, you should play!” Midoriya volunteers him. "You were really good when we were little.”

“Go against Bakugou?” Kaminari says. “Then get cussed out and have to deal with him yelling at me? No way! Kirishima, get over here!”

“Alright then!” Kirishima accepts with a grin as he stands up from his seat. As I watch him get up, my eyes land on Katsuki. His face was completely devoid of emotion, teeth clenched, blankly staring at the floor in front of him, despite what just happened. We’ve gotten closer as the year progressed, we’re even on a first name basis. Friends - not quite absolute best friends - but we were close either way. And lately…I feel like I’ve been feeling a little more than platonic feelings for him. It’s like he felt my gaze on him - he looked up and noticed my stare.

We made eye contact for a solid amount of time before I looked away, redirecting my focus to the battle between Kirishima’s Meta Knight and Kaminari’s Pikachu. Cheering came from both left and right, my classmates choosing a side. From the corner of my eye, I see Katsuki stand up without a word and exit the common room. He turns a corner, and he’s no longer in sight. I’m not the only one who noticed his exit though; Midoriya did too. His eyes peered over at me, knowing I also saw.

“Do you think he’s okay?” He mouths.

“I’ll check on him.” I mouth back. I stand from my place on the couch. 

“Where ya going, Y/N?” Ochaco asks.

I fake a yawn. “Feeling tired.” I responded. “I think I’m gonna wind down in my dorm, maybe watch a few episodes of my show before heading to bed.”

“Oh, okay!” Ochaco smiles in response. “Rest well!”

The rest of the class says their brief goodbyes - except for Kirishima and Kaminari, their minds far too focused on the Nintendo game. How long have they been at that again? I laugh quietly to myself at the fact that they’re so devoted before leaving the common room. The hallways are dimly lit, but it isn’t affecting my vision too much. I climb the stairs to the fourth floor, where his room is located. I see a little bit of light from under his door, which means he’s still awake. It’s not much light, but at least I know I won’t be disturbing his sleep. I knock on his door, softly saying his name. “Katsuki?”

And my words shoot to kill when I’m mad…I have a lot of regrets about that.

I hear a little bit of shuffling before the door opens. “The hell do you want?” He asks, voice slightly smaller than usual, and without the sharp tone. 

“You seemed a little…distracted earlier. Are you okay?” I try my hardest to make my voice as soft and gentle as possible.

He rolls his eyes at my question. “Why is that any of your business!?” He spits out.

Okay, wow. There’s the sharp tone. I take a breath to calm myself and remind myself not to take his tone to heart. “I dunno, just thought I’d check up on you. You know, as your friend.”

The word ‘friend’ seemed to catch him off guard with the way his eyes slightly widened before returning to their usual cold stare. “Fucking idiot.” He scowls. “Leave me alone. Go bother someone else with your stupid questions.” My brows furrow at his words, a little hurt that he didn’t even hesitate to cuss at me. I nod, about to walk away before I hear a sigh. “Wait.” He speaks, voice quiet and almost meek. I turn around to face him again. “I didn’t mean to insult you. I’m…sorry.” His eyes are downcast, regret filled.

What the hell?

Katsuki Bakugou, apologizing? What is happening? “Uh…” I seriously don’t know what to say. “It’s fine…” My voice trails off into the quiet hallway. Somehow, I can still hear everyone’s rowdiness from three floors above. The two of us stand there awkwardly for a few moments before Katsuki speaks again. This time, his eyes are looking into mine.

“I’ve been frustrated. The whole hero license shit.” He mutters out. “Sorry for raising my voice.”

I offer a small smile “I understand. You wanna…talk about it?" 

He stands there for a moment, seemingly thinking about my offer. He nods wordlessly and moves out of the doorway, silently inviting me in.

I was so ahead of the curve, the curve became a sphere.

Fell behind on my classmates, and I ended up here.

I sat on the foot of his bed as he leaned against a wall. “So, what’s up?” I ask.

“Just been so fuckin’ upset.” He growls out.

“About?”

“About everything!’ His voice raised. “About the stupid hero exam. About Deku, that stupid fucking nerd. I can’t believe he passed but I didn’t!” I knew that he and Midoriya had known each other for a while, but I never knew past the surface level. I asked him about it once, but I laid off after I saw how annoyed he looked. 

“You’re mad about Izuku passing the exam?” I raise an eyebrow.

“Yes, for fucks sake!” He stops leaning against the wall and instead ops for angrily pacing around the room. “Between the two of us, I was the one who had potential. I was the one who was ahead of the curve. I was stronger!” His volume grew. “And then he passes!? And I don’t!? And almost all of you stupid extras pass…it pisses me off!”

“Do you know why you didn’t pass?” I ask him, trying to find a way for me to somewhat comfort him.

“Said it was because I was too harsh.” He spits out. He takes a seat next to me on his bed, head in his hands as he tugged on his hair.“It’s stupid. God, so stupid.”

“Well, I guess sometimes you do need to be more gentle-”

“I’m trying!” He cuts me off with a yell, heading shooting up. “Fuck, I’m trying!” His voice falters, his breaths heavy. “Everyone tells me the same thing! Be more kind, be more empathetic, learn your manners, cool off! And I swear to God, I’m trying!”

I look at him, eyes wide. His own are starting to get glossy. My lips part to try and say something, but no words come out.

“Can’t they see?” He yells, frustrated. He started pacing again. “I know I’ve fucked up. I know I wasn’t the best person, but I swear. I’m trying to change! I’m not the same person I was before, but no one sees me as anything different! All they see me as is the stupid, angry, spiky haired blond guy who can’t be nice for shit.”

He sat down next to me once again. “There’s no way for me to make it clear that I’m trying. To them, I’ll always be the stupid, angry one.” His voice cracked a little, letting the true gravity of his emotions slip through. “There’s no point. Nothing’s ever gonna change.

“Oh, Katsuki..” I say softly. I had no idea that this was how he felt. He felt like his efforts were going unnoticed, like we only see him as an angry boy. “If it makes you feel better, I noticed a difference.” 

His eyes looked at me in surprise. “You did?”

“Yeah.” I smile at him. “Earlier, when you swore at me. You apologized almost immediately. It caught me a little off guard, but I appreciated the apology. That says a lot, you know.” I told him.

“It does?” His voice was soft, almost timid. A complete left turn from what most people in our class are used to.

“It does!” I say in a cheerful-ish tone. A part of me wishes that I could take my cheerfulness and transfer it to him. Maybe it’d make him feel better. “If you weren’t trying to change, would you apologize to me? Or would you say nothing at all and go about your day? If you didn’t feel at least a little guilty and realized what you did was wrong, why would you apologize?” 

He said nothing, like he was silently urging me to talk more.

“I think that little things like that really mean a lot.” I told him. “It really shows that you’re making the effort. And I think that’s important.”

He cracks a small smile. 

“You’re trying, Katsuki.” I place my hand on his arm. “In your own way, you’re trying. Keep trying, and everyone else will catch on too.” I reassure him.

He takes a deep breath. “Yeah, I am trying to make the effort. Don’t wanna be seen as a shitty pro hero. I wanna beat the villains with my actual strength, not my words.”

I giggle at his statement. “You do that, Katsuki. Keep it up.”

“Yeah,” He starts. He seems much more at ease now.

“I am trying.”

I just wanted you to know that this is me trying.

At least I’m trying.

#mha x reader #bnha x reader #katsuki bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugou x reader #bakugou x reader #katsuki bakugou #bakugo x reader #katsuki bakugo #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #bakugou katsuki x reader #bakugo katsuki x reader

[oonajaeadira]

Sooooooo…..I’ve been thinking about Pats a lot and I have a question. He was worried about Preciosa not being able to handle being with him. That his job will eat at her eventually, but what about him? I realize that he has an addiction and love isn’t just going to “cure him”, but how is he going to process these “new” feelings? He’s been lying to himself this whole time. Trying to convince himself that he isn’t in love, but what now that he can finally admit (or at least start coming to terms with)being in love? I hope this makes sense. I feel like my meaning got a way from me a bit. 😂

Hello, lovely.

I think it makes perfect sense.

Here's the thing...he's used to being in control. And love can be messy. But it can also be wonderful and joyous. That's what he's probably going to have the most difficulty with up front--believing that this is really happening. That he can have his cake and eat it too.

That he's deserving of joy in his life.

Can you imagine how fast it would hit him? The realization? The need in him to get it right?

Kiss and Tell: The First Time (GTTT PATS)

FANDOM: Calls - Apple TV (PATS is a character from ep. 3. “Pedro Across the Street.” This is not RPF.)

When the door opens, it’s like a whole new house. The tv is on, volume low, the action on the screen reflecting in a beer bottle on the coffee table. The shades are already drawn against the sunset, warm light coming from inside, a couple of floor lamps in the corners. This isn’t just somebody’s house you have to walk through on the way to a massage room today, this is Patricio’s home. And instead of turning away from you to lead you up the now unusually darkened stairs, he stands before the backdrop of a bright kitchen that allows the tips of his curls to glow.

“Hi,” he purrs, shifting to the side so you can come in as he eyes the backpack you drop into the nearest chair. “Does that mean you’re staying the weekend?”

“I came prepared.”

It takes you a moment to understand the guarded little smile he gives, the way his eyes shift between yours…he’s nervous. Excited, but nervous. It’s actually adorable.

Well, best to put him at ease. You tilt into your smile. “I mean, if that’s what you want.”

“Yeah.” It’s little more than a whisper, catches in his throat, but what it lacks in volume it makes up for in want.

There’s something savory in the air. Buttery.

“Smells good, loverboy. What are you making?”

________

He’s a fairly decent cook, but chose to make you the one thing he knows he can’t screw up–his meatless carbonara. Something he doesn’t need to pay too much attention to so he can chat with you in the kitchen. Something that’s easy to plate and won’t stain if he’s over-zealous and splatters a little. Something he knows he’s good at so he can find satisfaction in watching you enjoy it.

The dish and the satisfaction are both delicious.

But it’s what comes after that he’s really been craving.

“Whatever you want.” He hands you a glass of wine with one hand...and the tv remote with the other. He’s actually amused when you settle on some cooking competition show, but it really doesn’t matter what you pick. His arm slides over the couch behind your shoulders as you toss the remote onto the coffee table and snuggle in.

Something in him uncoils, and with a long exhale, everything melts. There’s nowhere to be but here. No rush. No agenda. Just holding someone.

Holding you.

Your laughter sounds at home here, goes with the woodwork, compliments the decor; the smell of your shampoo a welcome accent addition. 

The room feels more alive with you in it.

He watches you from time to time in unchecked awe. You’re instantly comfortable here. You’re so ready for all of this. Accepting. 

Of the situation. 

Of him.

This is what he wanted and never thought he could have. 

If he’s lucky enough for it to last, he’ll find a way to keep it.

________

You don’t mean to, it’s just force of habit. Catching your wrist before you turn the doorknob, he chuckles, “Not that one,” and leads you away from the massage room and over to the door of his bedroom.

Oh. Of course.

You’ve been in this bedroom once before, but it’s still a little like the first time being admitted into anyone’s inner sanctum. The calm, muted tones, the plush carpet, the queen-sized bed.

How odd. You’ve had sex with him countless times and yet you can feel your pulse rising, that familiar feeling in all new relationships when it’s that first time, when your heartbeat drums the “this is really happening” standard.

His books are on a nightstand on one side, so you immediately start to move toward the other, but he stops you, his steady grip never having left your wrist. 

“Can I…would it be okay if I kiss you?”

He’s…asking. As if you haven’t given him all the access and consent to every inch of your body for months. And yet, you see the necessity in the gesture. In his eyes, the other room is for giving what his clients need. This room is for taking what he wants for himself. 

You’re no longer the type of person he meets in that room anymore. In this room, you are on equal footing.

“Yeah. It really would.”

And now you understand what he was really asking for. Because as his lips meet yours, they’re not the hungry ones you’ve found on him before during the few times he’s broken his own rules. This kiss isn’t a prelude to anything else, it simply exists to be a kiss, to share breath, give tenderness, know what it is like to have you be here with him. His kiss is a question, a hope that you really like him as much as he likes you. In a world of skin and lust and physical exertion what he’s craving is…you. Your affection for him. Something that seems like it should be so much simpler than sex but is infinitely more rare, more valuable.

When he asks if it’s okay to run his fingers under your shirt and take it off, you refrain from playing it cool or giving him carte blanche, instead meeting his sincerity with your reassuring consent at each step. This is a ritual, a new set of rules, something it seems he wants to take his time to get right.

“You can always tell me to stop if you want to.”

“I don’t want you to.”

________

He takes his time undressing you, just down to your underwear, just enough that he can feel the heat from your skin. There’s no method to it, no pattern of pressure or manipulating of musculature. All the little points of interest on your body, all the small scars and lines that he passed by so many times before on his way to healing and relaxation, now he has time for himself to study, to let the world fall away and explore in his own time, to trace them with a fingertip, to learn all of you. There’s no agenda, no rhythm to disrupt if he chooses to bend forward and mark a few of these highlights with a soft kiss.

It still feels strange, unreal, that he has you here like this. That you want to be here with him like this.

And all of a sudden, he’s frozen with the realization that…he’s not sure how to move forward in any way that isn’t just your massage-therapist-slash-sex-worker. This should be easy. He’s been vulnerable with you before it’s just that this… this time…

“Patricio?” The trill of his name on your tongue brings him back to you instantly. “You okay?”

“Yeah. It’s… I’m…”

“Hey.” His eyes shutter in response to your soft, easy tone, your fingers raking through his hair. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were nervous.” 

And as your hand comes down to cover his heart, he knows there’s no good reason for denial, no want to be anything but truthful with you. You’ll understand.  “Mierda it’s like it’s the first fucking time or something.”

Your fingers trailing up his neck to cup his face cause him to stutter an intake of breath in embarrassing anticipation of your kiss. And then even before your lips part from his, he can feel you tugging his shirt off, gently unbuckling his belt. Before he knows it, you’re guiding him into his own bed. 

But you don’t take the lead, you don’t climb up on him. You lay him down and crawl in beside him, pull the covers up around you both, and glide an arm over his chest. 

“Tell me,” settling in, your whisper tickles against his shoulder, “how you treat someone when it’s their first time.”

________

The request does the trick, flips a switch, puts his mind back into automatic care mode and simultaneously reminds him that you’re ready to be here for all of him.

There have only been a few virgins, he explains, under very special circumstances. First of all, he won’t take anyone who’s both inexperienced and under a certain age. 30-35 he needs to get a handle on their expectations, 35 and up he has less issue with. But nobody under 30. It’s a personal line he won’t cross. People can compartmentalize their virginity when they’re younger, assume that it has to be taken in a very particular manner with a particular set of emotions, and if it doesn’t happen the way their fantasies play out, it can be traumatizing for them. After a certain age, many people just want to get it out of the way or simply want their first time to be fun, no pressure, or with someone who knows what they’re doing, someone who won’t judge or take advantage of their vulnerability.

And the deal is, it’s a three-session cycle. No more, no less.

The first session is massage, naked if they’d like, partially clothed if that makes them more comfortable. The main goal is to get them used to his hands on their body, get them to let go and trust. It usually takes a while for them to truly relax (he smiles fondly as he recounts this part) “They have the ‘This is the man who’s going to fuck me’ apprehensive clenching.” He throws down a little praise when they’re letting go, reminding them to breathe, gaining consent at every new boundary. You know. You’ve been there before. (And indeed, you remember well with your own fond little smile.)

Second session is negotiation and touch. He’ll distract them with a standing assessment, looking for tightness or knots while asking them what they’d like to do in their next session, if they’ve been thinking about it, if they have requests. Most times they do. And that’s good. It’s good that they’re thinking about what they want. He knows it will change. 

Then he offers to undress and let them touch him any way they want, to explore a male body without judgment to their curiosity. Most of the time they’re ready and bold enough to get to a point where they want to see how he works, what it feels like. And he’ll help them with that, show them how it’s done or how to do it to him. Once they understand what they can do to him just by touching him, they’re usually empowered and excited for the final session.

Third session’s when it happens. And by that time, their wants and needs have changed and they are in charge of their destiny. That’s what he likes the most, these newly emboldened clients coming to him and relaxing under his hands, breathing fully, enjoying what their bodies can do for each other. Then he sends them off into the world with the hard part over in the most pleasing way he can provide, and with the knowledge that being relaxed, confident, and ready to advocate for their wants is going to make for some very fun nights ahead for them.

The heartbeat under your hand now beats steady, calm. 

One long, contented breath lifts his broad ribcage, then falls beneath your arm.

Softly, you drag a finger over his jawline, stopping to kiss the small bare patch in his stubble before reaching slowly down, down, down below the covers.

Warm, smooth, then hairy, then soft again…but getting harder as your fingers wrap around him. “I still have a lot to learn myself.”

He smiles adoringly at you. Chuckles a little.  “Firm but gentle grip, Presciosa. Long strokes. Go slow.”

______

NEXT

MASTERLIST

SERIES MASTERLIST

#good things take time #pedro across the street #calls fanfiction #20

[marinasmarvel]

Stupido | A Station 19 fanfiction

A/N: A quick follow up to this fic. Requested by the travic ceo @travichughes! Be sure to check her blog out.

Warnings: All the Italian is from google translate so don’t come for me! Happy reading!

-

To say Carina is angry is an understatement.

When she first met her wife’s team, she could immediately tell that Travis Montgomery and Victoria Hughes were inseparable.

So, she never expected him to leave her out to dry.

Vic instantly became one of her favorite people. The youngest firefighter is a ball of sunshine, and her personality and humor sometimes reminds Carina of her stupid baby brother, who left her too soon. Seeing Vic so broken, so hurt…nearly shattered the Italian into two.

And, typically, her sadness grows into anger. This circumstance is no exception.

Maya contacted Chief Ross, letting her know that Vic and her would be taking the day off. The chief held a lot of sympathy for Vic, knowing how strongly the firefighter held her emotions. She also complimented Maya on how good of a friend she is, which surprised Maya.

However, Carina decided to go in, as it is a clinic day and she has patients. She held in her anger for Travis until he approached her.

“Hey Carina. Do you know where Vic is? I haven’t seen her since yesterday morning. I tried calling her but she hasn’t answered.”

Carina feels a bubble of anger, and doesn’t respond, but drags Travis into his bunk and shuts the door.

“Do you have any idea how much of a thick headed stronzo you are?! Mio dio, ti preoccupi solo adesso?!”

Travis is incredibly confused. First, he only understands half of what Carina just said to him, second, the last time he saw her this angry was last year when Jack ordered pineapple on pizza.

“What are you…” He begins, but is cut off by the raging doctor. “No, no, no, you do not speak. Only listen. You have been so caught up in this stupid mayor race and your new idiota boyfriend that you have completely left vic behind! How could you?” Carina rants.

“Carina I-.” Once again, Travis is cut off. “It is not my place to tell you what happened, but Victoria was on a tough call yesterday, she was so distraught that Maya and I found her sobbing in her bunk. Victoria Hughes, the most bright, beautiful ball of sunshine looked completely broken. Maya and I took her to our home, and she is still there with Maya.”

Travis sighs. “I know I’ve been shitty, and I’m sorry. I really am. But Carina, she’s everything to me. I can’t lose her.”

“You won’t, Travis. But, you’ve been a bad friend. You need to make it up to her, and promise you won’t leave her behind. I don’t doubt that she’ll forgive you for this, but still. Be her person, like you always have been.” Carina explains. Travis nods, thanking Carina before they both go back to work.

He has some serious apologies to make.

-

Vic snuggles closer to Maya, enjoying her warmth. Maya has always been so comfortable to cuddle with, and gives the best hugs. Despite how upset she was yesterday, Maya has been making her feel so much better.

“God, these reality tv shows are so lame.” Maya complains. “Yeah, but they make me feel better about my own life.” Vic laughs. Seeing how much of a mess these people are makes her feel like she’s doing pretty okay.

On the screen, a woman slaps her now ex-boyfriend, and Maya whoops. “DESERVED!” She yells. Vic giggles, shaking her head.

“Hey…you know I got you? Always, ok? I’ll always be here.” Maya reassures Vic. Vic nods. “Yeah, yeah. I know.”

-

Later on in the day, Vic hears a knock at the door to Maya and Carina’s apartment. “I’ll get it.” She murmurs to the two, and opens the door to see a guilty looking Travis.

“Hey…I know I’ve been really shitty lately, but can we talk?” He requests. Vic hesitantly nods. Maya and Carina quietly move to their room, giving the duo some space.

Travis takes Vic’s hand as they sit down. “I’m so sorry, Vic. I’ve been such an oblivious idiot that I forgot what’s most important to me. And that’s you.”

Vic feels tears pool in her eyes. “And I’m sorry that Theo has been being such a douche to you lately. It’s not fair, the way he is treating you.” Travis continues.

“Carina mentioned you had a rough call yesterday, and I just wanted to say I’m here. If you need to talk, cry, anything. I’m here.” He promises.

“Thank you, Trav. But you still have a lot of making up to do.” She tells him. Travis hugs her. “I know. Don’t you ever forget that you are my number one, ok? You’ll always be my number one.”

The duo continue to hug for a moment, before Vic pulls back. “I don’t know what to do about Theo. He’s been so busy being captain and has his head so far up his ass he might see god himself.”

Travis chuckles at the end of that sentence. “Look, Theo doesn’t deserve you. If he finds that his job is more important than you? Then let him, and leave him. He will eventually realize what he lost.”

“Thanks, Travis. I needed to hear that.” Vic murmurs. “And take it from someone who is man and attracted to them. They fucking suck sometimes.”

Vic laughs loudly at that. “Trust me, I know. If I could choose I would totally be attracted to women.”

They laugh for another moment before Travis sobers. “How can I start making it up to you?”

Vic grins, throwing her feet on Travis’ lap. “Foot rub!”

Travis rolls his eyes. “Fine. But only because I love you.”

“I love you too, dumbass.”

-

A/N: Thanks for reading! Comments are appreciated! Please send any fic requests to my ask box :)

#station 19 #vic hughes #travis montgomery #maya bishop #carina deluca #travic #station 19 fanfiction #station 19 season 6

[wendytestabrat]

why i resonated with stan in “you’re getting old/ass burgers” (FROM THE VAULT [2020])

You’re Getting Old/Ass Burgers has always been one of my favorite South Park episodes because I feel like I’ve always connected to it on so many levels and related to Stan a lot. My favorite part is the end of part 2 (Ass Burgers) after Stan was so depressed and had been seeing shit for so long he came to the realization that he DIDN’T want things to go back to the way they were. He realized he was fine with his parents getting a divorce and Kyle ditching him to go fuck Cartman because it opened his life up to new possibilities of where it could go. In his words he’s all like “I’m gonna make a big left turn” or whatever. The ending is also frustrating tho bc everything ended up going back to normal anyways so we didn’t get to see how that would’ve played out, but we’re not gonna talk about that we’re just gonna talk about the beautiful speech Stan made. That part has always resonated with me so much bc I agree with Stan. I remember at a certain age I just got to a point where I realized that the key to staying happy and optimistic is to stay open-minded and keep trying new things. I think it’s rlly important in life to follow those child-like curiosities you have when you’re a kid, when you’re younger you’re excited about everything and want to know about the whole world and how everything works, and I think it’s good to continue that mindset into adulthood. For me personally, I get really depressed easily if I feel like I’m stuck in one place, following the same routine and doing the same shit over and over, like that’s the point when everything starts to turn to shit to me too. It’s good to add some excitement and spontaneity to your life, and I know it can be hard for a lot of people to get out of their comfort zones, trust me I get this sometimes I can be a stubborn bitch and I only wanna stay in the same lane doing the same thing over and over, but trying new things and embracing change is what builds character. Sometimes life can seem scary, especially when you’re young and you don’t have everything figured out, but the truth is life just gets easier the more and more you challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone and try things, it makes you more fearless. The more you can gain knowledge and wisdom about different aspects of life the easier you have it figured out, and this all comes with allowing yourself to get excited about new things, expanding your interests and having an open-mind. And when I say trying something new it can be big or small. It can just simply be deciding to learn about something new each day, deciding to read a new book, watching a tv show or a movie you’ve never seen before, starting a new hobby, meeting new people (I know this one is a bad example bc everyone is social distancing LMAOO), for me I really love discovering new songs and listening to artists I haven’t heard before. I mean the risk that goes into trying something new is that maybe you won’t like it and sometimes we can have that mindset where we’re like “this is gonna suck” so we don’t even bother, but you never know until you try, and you can still have an opinion on something you don’t like too. (I can’t count how many times I’ve suffered watching something awful I could not care about but I did it anyways out of curiosity. Also NEVER form an opinion on something you know nothing about or shit on something you know nothing about or else you sound ignorant.) But open-mindedness and being able to adapt to change and trying new things is really the key to staying well-rounded and happy and fulfilled. Having a lot of interests also makes it a lot easier to be able to talk to a lot of different people about different things and make real fulfilling connections. So yeah to me, what Stan said was actually very wise and I agree with him because it’s kind of been my go-to philosophy on life.

update 2024: i’m starting to realize now that my constant need for stimulation and new experience is prob just my sociopathicness FFHJDJSJS bc i get bored of shit way quicker now than i did before

#i’m a motivational speaker #me > tony robbins #south park #stan marsh

[what-gs-watching]

"HOW GREAT IS THIS PARTY?!"

So here’s a thing: I’ve been in a bit of a rut in terms of what I’m watching. I’ve clearly been doing a ton of comfort binging - Supernatural, Good Omens, Murder She Wrote, etc. because I can’t get my brain to focus on anything, I’ve just been trying (and very much succeeding) at turning it off.

But the other day, my sister came to the rescue. She and I definitely have different opinions on what’s good (again, she got all the way through Good Omens, and was like “I never got a romantic vibe from them…” which caused the biggest eyeroll of my life, possibly). Sometimes, though, she comes through. Which led me to…

THE AFTERPARTY on Apple TV.

You’ve never heard of it, right? Because I definitely hadn’t. Which is crazy because I am 10000000% their core audience. Like, so hard. And it’s soooo good.

Wherein a group of friends attend an afterparty, and somebody ends up dead. 

This is one show I don’t wanna ruin, because I had absolutely no idea what would happen going into it and it was SO delightful, so I won’t get too detailed but there is a ton to love about this show.

One of which is the cast. 

Tiffany Haddish is the detective that’s attempting to solve the murder. And sometimes I feel like she's wayyyyy too much, but she is the perfect amount of something in this show. Honestly one of my favorite parts. She’s fucking hilarious. Her method is insane and perfect, it’s exactly the way I’d go about solving a murder, and it’s just enough of ridiculous.

And Ike Barinholtz! And the dude who plays Gabe on The Office. AND JACK WHITEHALL, aka freakin’ NEWT from Good Omens season 1. Who you will absolutely not recognize because he’s hot as hell. And Ken Jeong. And John Cho! And weirdo Dave Franco. 

ALSO, Ben Schwartz, aka JEAN RALPHIO from Parks and Rec! Jean Ralphio is one of my absolute favorite insane characters, he’s so obnoxious and silly and his character Yasper in this show is similar, but also really charming. I was immediately in love with him because I’m a super weirdo, and his episode in the first season was definitely a highlight. I promise you’re gonna be singing “Yeah, Sure, Whatever” for a couple of days.

And that’s another thing - each of the episodes have their own motifs, which is clever and fun. A romcom episode, a musical episode. An episode that seems like a thriller movie. A heist caper. There’s even one that’s a fucking Wes Anderson love letter, which made me laugh out loud. 

Each season is dedicated to a murder and both are self-contained, which I appreciate, with a few characters recurring. Maybe people more clever than me can predict who the murderer is, but I have to say, I love the surprise. And both of them were definitely a shock to me. I was basically live-tweeting at my sister, who’d also gotten my parents into it,  while I watched and made her promise ‘no spooooilies’, so all she would say was “none of us could guess who did it.” 

The point is, it’s just a dope show. Again, satisfying my blood lust, but in a hilarious way. It’s FUN. And I haven’t been excited to watch anything new in a while, and it helped in my effort to wake my brain up (if only minutely, it’s an effing process y’all). Apple TV apparently canceled it after the second season which is a huge miss on their part, but there are no cliffhangers and it’s just silly and wonderful. And it made me happy, which I appreciate. 

So yeah, go watch it. You know you’re subscribed to Apple TV even if you forgot about it after Ted Lasso ended. And then, maybe watch Ted Lasso again…

#the afterparty #what g's watching #tiffany haddish #ben schwartz #apple tv #murder shows #jack whitehall

[heymeowmao]

2023.09.10 - https://weibo.com/l/wblive/p/show/1022:2321324944498634653715

bgm: 狂风袭来 (A Strong Wind Blows) [West out of the Yumen/Parallel World OST]

LYN: Hallo everybody, good evening. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Welcome! C: I knew you would stream tonight. LYN: What do you know?? How would you know? If you’re going to be like that, then I’m logging off right now. I don’t want you to know what I’m thinking, so if you do then I have to leave. Bye bye. Sweet dreams.

LYN: I’m actually very weak today, since I have not recovered yet. Secondly- I’ve been running to the bathroom all day. My stomach’s been acting up. I don’t even have the energy to speak, really. But I feel like this drama is scheduled tightly and it’s hard to find a time to stream. We wrapped up early today so I thought I would persevere and stream a little. We’ll chat. It’ll be nice. C: You missed us? LYN: Don’t think I’m so affectionate. You’re so amusing. C: I missed your background. LYN: You missed my background more than me? In that case, take a screenshot and then make up your house to look like this. Then you can live in this environment all the time. Get a cabinet, fill it with figures, and set-up some lights.

C: You shouldn’t eat watermelon if you have an upset stomach. LYN: Oh. I won’t it eat anymore, then.

LYN: The song you’re hearing right now is an insert song from the tv drama West Out of the Yumen/Parallel World. It’s a really great drama, so if you have the time you can check it out. 

C: Is your voice better now? LYN: It’s not BETTER. I was sick for some period of time, and now I’m still recovering. It wouldn’t get better so quickly. Now even just sitting down I’m sweating buckets. I’m pretty weak, today. But it’s okay- I’m not here to make you pity me anyway. Just letting you know. If my streaming condition isn’t that great today, please be understanding. I can’t be at my best every day. I thought I was strong and healthy at 1.89cm tall but it turns out then when you’re sick, it can lay you flat anyhow. It doesn’t matter if you’re 1.9 or 2.9. When you’re sick it can make you collapse all the same. It won’t save you any face.

LYN: Today is also Teacher’s Day. I know many of my fans are teachers, so I wish you a happy holiday and extend that to all the teachers in my stream today. C: Thank you. LYN: No need to be so polite. It’s what I should say.

bgm: 就在江湖之上 (Above the Jianghu) [Mysterious Lotus Casebook OST]

C: Is it hot in Hengdian? LYN: It’s quite warm. It’s still summer, isn’t it? It’s hot, but not as hot as Chongqing was. When I got back to Hengdian it’s been okay since I’ve been shooting indoors, in the tents. The temperature in there can be controlled to some degree, after all. So it’s not too hot. C: It’s autumn. LYN: The period of time where summer turns into autumn is the hottest time of the year. It gets stuffy and hot, this time of year. So uncomfortable. // It’s alright. I’m already used to it because I’ve spent so much time filming in Hengdian the past few years. I’ve been here for so long… pretty much ever since I started acting. It’s… nice. LYN: I’m shooting a modern drama this time around so I was supposed to get the chance to wander around but… we came back to Hengdian. But it’s fine. This is nice. At least living here feels more comfortable. Living in a hotel all the time gets tiring.

C: Are you working out? LYN: When I was in Beijing I was working out once every two days. I found some trainers and was seriously working out. Even if I had recording in the morning, I would find time in the afternoon to exercise. I was furiously training in Beijing. If I took my top off, you could start to see things shaping up. But as soon as I started in the drama crew… I didn’t have the time for one, and two… I got sick. What of it? Now I’m so weak that I can’t work out. These past two days I’ve thinned out again. All my hard work for nothing. Those trainers cost a lot, too. LYN: I’ve thinned out again and all the muscles I trained are gone. Add to that the fact that I haven’t had much of an appetite, and I was on the toilet all day today. I turned back into a rack of ribs. It’s a little cruel. Everyone says that after you’ve been sick it’s ill-advised to start working out immediately. It can be dangerous. Even if I wanted to do some push-ups, I don’t dare to. I’m afraid I’d die. C: Liu Yuning’s life is still a life. LYN: Thanks. People still care about me, after all. :’)

C: Ning-ge, I want to go home. I don’t want to go to school anymore. LYN: What are you saying?! You’re so strange. What would you even do at home? Idle? Go to school. If you have the means, go to school. There are so many people who WANT to go to school but don’t have the means to do do. If you have the chance, take it. You’re taking it for granted. You still need to go to school. Once you really enter society and you have no education and no skills, you’d just be at home, waiting for death. You don’t want that. School is actually your most relaxing time- you only have to focus on doing one thing. Go, learn, listen. Even if you aren’t suited for learning- not everyone is- you should still finish your basic education before you start thinking about work. Go to school. LYN: I went to a technical school… and I saw a lot of people online making fun of my education. I think you shouldn’t look down on people who’ve gone to technical schools. I’ve done and learned a lot. I was a cook, and a waiter- school is important but your level of education doesn’t represent all that there is about you. Even people who have gone to university don’t always have good grades. It depends on the person. Your education can represent your experience, but it doesn’t have to represent your future or the angle at which you should think about things. I respect people who are well-educated. But I think that though education is important, it’s not the most important. LYN: I’ve never shied away from the fact that I graduated from a technical school, either. When I go on shows and everyone is sharing where they graduated, I say “Dandong Peng Culinary School No. 2”. I graduated from a vocational school. There was just no helping it. In those times that’s just the path life takes you on. People can say that I am not well-educated, but I learned how to cook. Even after I became an artist, it helps with variety shows. For example I’ve been on Chinese Restaurant and Fresh Chef 100. Isn’t the reason I was able to be on those shows exactly because I learned how to cook? Right? It’s still the same old saying. As long as you are learning, nothing goes to waste. Even when filming BYOL, I acted as a cook. I didn’t need to act, because I AM one. We don’t need to put someone down for going to vocational school, or consider them as less because they don’t have as good of an education. There are the exceptions, but a lot of well-educated people are… just so-so. Aren’t they? LYN: So, to the friend who said they don’t want to go to school, I advise you to still go. You might think it’s useless now but in some moment in your future, you will definitely think that what you’re learning now was worth it. Nothing you learn in life is useless, nor is anything you do useless. Everything you do- even if you’re just at home- will become useful at some point in your future. At least that’s what I think.

C: Ning-ge, why are your eyebrows so weird? LYN: Are you in the beauty business? Do you specialize in tattooed eyebrows? Are you trying to recommend me someplace to get my eyebrows done? It’s because in order to make myself look paler, the light is hitting my face from that side. It makes it look like my eyebrows are sparse. It’s not important. It’s fine.

C: I understand. Idling at home is useful. [t/n: I say “idling” but the expression they’re using is “picking at your feet.”] LYN: How could that be your takeaway?? You’re hopeless. // If you really come to some enlightenment after picking at your feet, you can still go to a bathhouse and earn some money giving other people pedicures. Don’t look down on this type of work. The people working these types of jobs are making thousands! Are you kidding me? Back in Dongbei the old masters in the bathhouses can make 10-20k per month! Just scrubbing other people down. Pedicurists require even more technical skill- they can make 20-30k a month. You might not even be able to make that much after having graduated from university! Don’t look down on these technical jobs. C: Really? 10-20k? LYN: This is what I’m saying! You all have no concept of understanding for how this society works. Let’s say the stalls selling Chinese crepes in front of your school- they can make 20-30k in a month. When I was working in the bar, on the street I worked there was a stall that always sold Chinese crepes and grilled cold noodles. Their monthly income, at the least, was 50k. Chinese crepes. 50k a month. Are you kidding, bro?? Sis? Fam’? You can make a lot of money, it’s just that you don’t understand the industry. C: Are you for real? LYN: Yes! Go take a look and you’ll know. Of course, by saying this, I am not trying to encourage you to sell Chinese crepes. I’m just trying to say that you could make a lot of money doing technical jobs. If you go to a vocational school- not that I’m trying to encourage you to go to one- being a little bit good at everything is not better than being skilled at one thing. If you want to survive in this society, you have to have a skill. Like me- mine is streaming. This is what helps my continued survival.

C: Ning-ge, my profession is fixing sewer pipes. LYN: You don’t need to tell me what you do for a living, and it’s not as if I could help promote your business or anything… I really can’t help you. Just… do what you love and love what you do. That’s all there is to it.

C: Are you going to be on The Truth S2? LYN: … I don’t know. There are a lot of good projects… let me spoil an industry rule for you. If a project looks good- whether it’s a variety or drama- ideally, someone would tell you that they are making preparations to start the project. Whether the project actually starts up or not is unpredictable. The probability of a successful startup is very small. So.. you don’t need to expect too much.

LYN: Why is my computer freezing so much?!? What’s wrong with this thing? Can it continue…? C: Get a new computer. LYN: No, this one is quite good! What is this…? Oh, no. The laugh track is gone. I’m done for. LYN: The laugh track is gone. How could I stream, now? - /types aggressively/ [t/n: I think his keyboard is frozen] LYN: Oops. I can’t stream anymore. Bye, friends. LYN: Let me restart the program. Hold on a sec. // Oh. I just needed to restart it. C: Laugh yourself. // Hire people to laugh. LYN: You want me to spend money?? I’d have to make the most of it, but I can’t make someone laugh for two+ hours. That’s too much. LYN: Let me close some of the effects. Maybe I have too many open.C: Are we in 1080p today? LYN: Today is a surprise, isn’t it. We’re here in super high quality.

C: Ning-ge, you can turn off the beauty filters. LYN: … Why? (/feigned ignorance) Why should I? I don’t understand. What are you trying to get at? XD What angle are you getting at, in the hopes that I turn off the filters? What’s your angle? C: Liu-ge doesn’t need beauty filters! LYN: That’s the truth. It’s true because whether it’s on or not, I’m still just… average looking. Why do I turn it on, then? It’s like this, friends- /straightens up/ When streaming, I need to face all the viewers- but it’s not like I am depending on my appearance on my streams to help me make it out in the world. I don’t need that. My red carpet looks can’t even help me with that, so why should I expect my streaming appearance do to that? I just want my viewers to have a pleasant viewing experience. I don’t want them to see a guy with a face full of acne. I want the viewers to have a more comfortable view so even if they don’t really like me, at least they won’t find me as annoying. That’s the only function of the filters, nothing else. 

C: So it was for us. LYN: Yes. It’s for your sake. To better your listening experience. Why else would I have such good quality equipment?? What other artist out there speaks to you from a mic when they’re streaming? This microphone was expensive, and the sound card is 10k+! This camera-! Other people use their phone cameras to stream. This is a legitimate camera. I bought a separate instrument and lens especially for this. Why? These figures in the background- how much do you think that whole cabinet-full cost me? Even these lights! My stream was designed with you in mind. So that you have a comfortable viewing experience. Did you think it was for me?? // In any case, I have a habit when doing things- I don’t care if I have the ability or not, but my equipment has to be the best.

bgm: 我只愿朝着光 (I Only Wish to Face the Light) [Be Your Own Light OST]

C: What time are you streaming until today? LYN: I don’t have a fixed time today. If I’m tired then I’ll stop, but I don’t think it will be too long. My back is already sweating.

C: Poor students have lots of stationary. [when you have a bunch of stuff bc you are insecure] LYN: What do you mean? Are you saying that my livestream is “insecure”. I don’t accept that. Do you need me to bring my Weibo Livestream King award over to show you? // 2021 Weibo Livestream King! This is official. How could I be insecure? Livestream King, do you see this? LYN: Oh, wait- I’ve just realized. Why did I only get this in 2021? I really want to ask Weibo- did someone surpass me in 2022 or what? Who’s the 2022 Livestream King? Friends, do you know? Is there any news online who the 2022 Livestream King was? Including 2023! But I can understand that more, because 2023 is not over yet- the awards ceremony isn’t here yet. It’s possible that they don’t have a winner yet. But why wasn’t there this award in 2022? I’m missing one. I really want three consecutive wins. If I win Livestream King three years in a row, I think that would be a highlight of my life. LYN: Friends- help me look it up. Who’s the 2022 Livestream King? I want to confront them. Who could it be? C: The award doesn’t exist. LYN: Oh, they had this award in 2021, but not 2022. Then that means there’s even less of a chance of this award existing for 2023, is that right? C: They only made one. LYN: In that case, then I feel a lot better about it. There’s only one title of “Weibo Livestream King” and it’s mine. -/gloats about being the one and only “Livestream King”/ C: They made it just for you. LYN: Oh~ Then this thing is worth a lot of money. I think it’s filled with cement, it’s so heavy! -/shows it off again/

LYN: Friends, wait for me a sec. I’m going to turn on the air conditioner. - C: What about taking off the blazer? LYN: I’m just wearing an “old-man” shirt (undershirt). It doesn’t help my appearance any. Let’s at least try to keep up appearances.

- C: You changed a chair. LYN: I have two. There’s also the black one. - C: Just take it off. LYN: I won’t because there’s just an undershirt. If I take it off I’m afraid I’ll get cold. Then when I’m cold I’ll want to use the restroom. I’ve already been there too many times, I don’t want to go again.

-----

C: Is there a rock-style song in your new album? LYN: More or less. Of course there will be. C: Is there a dance track? LYN: No. C: Duet? LYN: No, no.

C: When will you start your tour? LYN: Probably next year. May or June. 80% chance. This year I have to finish up my dramas and find some songs so that I can open up my concert tour next year. As a signer, a concert is still a must, right? I didn’t hold it this year because 1) I don’t have songs. I COULD hold one if I wanted to but I passed because it seems like all of the singers are holding their concerts this year. When everyone is doing the same thing I get a little rebellious and I don’t want to do it. I won’t throw myself into the fray, and just hold mine next year. 

bgm: 黑夜一束光 (praying)

C: Will we be seeing any ripped shirts at the concert? LYN: You all like to see a young fellow bare-chested, and I don’t know why. What’s so good to see? You must not like swimming, or very rarely get the chance to play around at the beach, is that it? I don’t really have much of a figure, so even if I were bare it would be meaningless. I won’t be going bare-chested. I’ll wear some thick layers instead. C: How much are the tickets? LYN: All ranges. There are ones from a few hundred to a few thousand. Just normal concert pricing. I don’t think the prices vary very much, do they? Standard price. But for my concert in particular there’s a benefit- because many of you have 5RMB discount coupons. You can use those coupons when you’re purchasing my ticket and you can save 5RMB. C: What if I can’t get a ticket? LYN: Friends, please. Don’t give me that illusion. Don’t make it seem as if my tickets are very difficult to obtain. Don’t do it. If you do, then it’s going to start going to my head and I’ll get spoiled. I have awareness. I’m happy if each stop would even sell out in the first place. Other people’s concerts sell out in half a second- how terrifying is that? It makes me really curious as to how payment works. Even if it were typing in your card number or via face scan- they have to get it done in 0.3 seconds, which is amazing. I don’t understand how it works. Let’s just say this- I would be happy if my tickets are able to be sold out before the tour officially starts, is all. I will not strive for the half-second or 0.3 second sell out. C: Biometric payment. LYN: Yes, but to go from seat selection to payment to biometrics to transaction processing to ticket download- all in 0.5 seconds? I don’t really understand, because I’ve never purchased concert tickets before. I just don’t think I would able to do it, so it would be great if all the tickets could sell out in the time between ticket sales and the start of the tour. I would be satisfied with just that.

-/fans asking about alternative forms of payment/

C: I’ll go sell blood (for the money). LYN: Don’t scare me! Don’t do these things, thinking you’re so funny. Sell your blood in order to watch my concert?? Shut up. Don’t scare me. You’re making it seem like my fans can’t survive. If you do that then the brand platforms will think that my fans don’t have purchasing power. Do you get it? We will have lost promotional power. You have to make it seem like, “It’s just a concert ticket. That’s one less meal, is all.” “That’s not even worth one meal.” You have to think of it that way. Even if you can’t afford it, you have to at least pretend that you can. XD C: I meant duck blood. LYN: Oh, do you own a hotpot restaurant? Then, that’s okay. It turns out you meant you would sell duck blood to watch my concert. Does your household specialize snacks like stomach, intestine, and duck blood? Fish tofu, and things of the like? That’s quite profitable. That’s okay. C: Is pig’s blood okay? LYN: Do you have a blood farm? That’s fine, too. 

C: I’ll sell Chinese pancakes. LYN: I told you earlier, it’s a profitable business! There’s totally no problem with that. Let’s say a ticket in the back row of my concert is 680RMB. If you sell one pancake for 8RMB… you can come to see my concert if you sell 70 pancakes. You can do it. All in a day’s work. As long as you keep for one day, you can watch my concert. That’s doable.

C: Ning-ge, I’ll give pedicures. LYN: One foot is usually 68-98RMB. Let’s go with the lower rate. For this, there’s no expense because you can keep using the same tools. If you were working in someone’s shop, then you have to split your profits with the owner. If one foot is 68, you could make 34 of it. That means…. 40 feet. Fix 40 feet and you’d have enough to buy a concert ticket. That’s also all in a day’s work. C: It’s 20 feet… LYN: I know, but people have two feet right? Are you only going to fix one of them?? 40 feet total, so 20 customers. Who goes in and says, “I’m only going to fix my left foot today. I’ll save the right foot for another time.”?? 20 people, so 40 feet.

-----

C: Can you change the bgm? LYN: How dare you! First of all, this is my stream. Secondly, I’m playing my own song- do you not like to hear it?? Even if you don’t, you still can’t say that to me. This is like if someone invites you to their house, and you- as a guest- walk in and say, “Your house is really plain. Can you change it up? It looks too tacky.” Can you be more sensible? Do you really think this is your house?

bgm: 爱了很久 (I’ve Been in Love For a Long Time) [Twilight OST] LYN: Let me see if I will be able to sing today. Let me try it. - /sings it/ LYN: Thank you. I don’t think I have enough stamina for this. It’s a little lacking.

-- 就在江湖之上 (Above the Jianghu) [Mysterious Lotus Casebook OST] LYN: Let me sing this. But I might not be able to keep up from the start… LYN: It’s hard to get the timing right. LYN: Thank you. /sigh/ I’m covered in sweat.

C: 宝刀未老. (old but still vigorous) LYN: Stop provoking me!! Do you think you’re very funny?? You must think you’re hilarious. “Old but still vigorous”??? Thats not anything nice. C: 游刃有余 (to do something skillfully and easily) LYN: This one is okay! You can use these types of idioms. Stop just using them randomly… C: 寿比南山 (long may you live) LYN: This… doesn’t NOT work. This is okay, too. But i don’t think it’s appropriate to use to describe my singing. “Ning-ge, you sing as long as the Zhongnan Mountains!” ?? It’s not smooth. “Ning-ge you sing 老当益壮 (hearty despite the years)) // 风韵犹存 (attractive (of an aging woman))”. Do you think you’re very funny? “You sing like 大病初愈 (recovered from a big illness).” /sigh/ You really… you must be ill. C: Ning-ge, I wish you 青春永驻 (stay young forever) LYN: /laughs/ C: 余音绕梁 (sonorous and resounding) LYN: “Ning-ge, you sing 咬牙切齿 (fuming with rage between gritted teeth)” XD C: 信手拈来 (arrive to me in passing) LYN: Ok. C: 令人难忘 (difficult to forget) LYN: Also good. C: 鹤发童颜 (white hair and childish face) LYN: -__-; C: 扣人心弦 (exciting/thrilling) // 小菜一碟 (a piece of cake) LYN: Ok. C: 碾压原唱 (crushing the original singer) LYN: I don’t think so. LYN: “Ning-ge, you sing 急头白脸 (anxious and pale-faced).” /flabbergasted/ Thanks. C: Ning-ge, this song makes you 面红耳赤的 (red faced and flushed ears) LYN: No. As a singer, when you sing you have to invest in the song. When you do that then it feels like all of your strength and effort is focused on the song. You have to express that you are very excited. When you are excited, then the song will have emotion. That way you can lose yourself in it. If you can’t even make yourself emotional, how should you expect to make the viewers feel anything? Even though I know I sing just averagely. But you still have to be invested. It’s just like how some people act- Oh, forget it.

C: Ning-ge, you slammed on the brakes there. LYN: I did, yes. Let me tell you friends, it’s not easy to survive in this industry. It’s not easy. It’s really not easy. Inexplicable. But there’s no helping it- this industry is so expansive, and you just have to bear with receiving some hate and criticism. You already received the limelight, so a little backlash comes hand in hand, doesn’t it? It’s normal. This world doesn’t revolve around you. Let’s still try to avoid the risks as much as possible, though. Avoid as much as possible. Having one more problem is worse than having on less, right? LYN: Other artists will have it slightly better than me, though. Because other artists, unlike me, do not spend their free time livestreaming. They can just… stay quiet and they will spend their life peacefully. But I am too used to streaming, and it’s a habit to come and chat with you. One stream is two-three hours and I spend the whole time talking. Not saying one wrong thing in those two-three hours is hard. Other artists barely speak, and don’t often show their faces to discuss what’s on their mind or make jokes with you. The more eyes are on you the more trouble you have- that’s normal. But I can’t help streaming- it’s a personal hobby and you can’t tell me what to like or what not to like. Watching my streams is also my fans’ hobby. This is the bridge with which we use to get along. Right? It’s not like I should blow up the bridge just because I am afraid of saying the wrong thing. This bridge has to be sturdy. We need it. So I’ll do my best to avoid troubles. 

LYN: There are a group of people who avidly watch my streams. I’m guessing they even take notes. I’m sure they listen to my streams even more strictly than my fans do. They turn the volume on their headphones up and listen intently, trying to see if there are holes in anything I say or if there’s even the slightest possibility of subtly referencing someone else. LYN: If LYN’s talking about music- I would listen to see if there’s any hidden meaning behind his words that references any other singer. If I find something that slightly references someone else, I don’t care if it’s true or not, I make it the truth. But I don’t spell it out explicitly. I want the netizens to jump to their own conclusions, so I would post something, “Is LYN referencing XX singer when he says XXX?” Then a lot of sheeple automatically start jumping the fence- “Yes! It seems like he did!” LYN: These people have this sort of function. To some degree, they are always paying attention to me. It’s still a sort of love. If they didn’t love me and they hate when they see me, then they would be throwing up. Think about it- if you REALLY hate a person, you wouldn’t even want to see them. If you saw them you’d want to spit on them. But these people watch me intently for three-four hours and listen in detail to everything I say. Think about how much they must love me. But their love is a distorted kind- a perverse kind of love. But I really do believe that they love me, otherwise why would they spend so much time on me? If that’s not love then they must be crazy. That’s a mental illness, which is bad. A cognitive issue that has made them a psychopath. There’s that possibility. Anyway- we just need to have mutual understanding. I’ll do my best to watch what I say.

LYN: There are some media accounts that like to post things to create rumours, and I can understand them. Because they have to make a living somehow. It doesn’t matter which platform, if you post good things about an artist, no one really cares and interest is low. But as long as you say that they’ve done something wrong/bad, then the interest is high. Everyone gathers to put in their own two cents. “That’s exactly right. LYN is ugly!” And now my fans are unable to keep to themselves- they have to come out and fight back. Now the two sides are fighting and the post is getting a lot of hits. When that happens, the OP makes money. That’s just how it is. Otherwise, how else do you expect them to make a living? LYN: I won’t mention other platforms, but there are some sites and people post videos criticizing someone’s acting or something about a drama. If they post something nice, they’re not going to get any views. But if they post something that disses four artists, then they are going to four different fan-bases clicking in to see what the video is about. Add to that a group of passersby who are just in it for kicks, their channel traffic is going to be so high. LYN: Go look at the data. As long as it’s about criticizing someone or any other bad thing, it’ll have a better view rate. If it’s something nice- this drama is so good, or this actor did so well- no one cares. That’s why this cycle of ill-intent keeps going. I’ve seen through the tactics and I’m used to it. LYN: So when you’re watching videos online, please take it with a grain of salt. Don’t be used and made the fool by others and think that you’re doing something righteous. Please don’t. Just watch for entertainment and don’t let your feelings direct your actions. Otherwise there are times you’ll be sad and hurt. What you hear might not be the truth. Even what you see, might not be the truth. You can watch for entertainment, but don’t let it drive you crazy. It’s possible that what you see is only what some people WANT you to see. Right?

-- break #1 - /was going to play a video but found out that this computer doesn’t have any. XD sets it up to directly play MVs instead./

C: Call Daimi. LYN: Ok. “Want a sausage?” - /Daimi comes/ LYN: She looks a bit haggard because we haven’t given her a wash or trimmed her fur. She looks a little messy today. Wave to everyone. /makes her wave her paw/ - /she lifts her head up to look at him and he lifts his head higher./ LYN: She wants to secretly kiss me again.

- /puts the mic to her face/ LYN: Say something. Daimi: /disinterested/ LYN: Ok. You can go down now.

LYN: She’s gotten fat. Lately she’s been eating lots. C: How heavy is she? LYN: About 8-9kg? I don’t really know. We haven’t weighed her lately. In any case, she’s gotten a little fatter. She’s eating sausages every day. LYN: Let me go give her a sausage. Wait for me a sec. LYN: I gave it to her! At night one is enough. She ate a lot in the daytime.

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C: Ning-ge, this hair makes you look so young. LYN: I look a little “softer” (younger), is that it? So that means that normally I look aged? And this hairstyle makes me look younger, just a bit? Okay. I understand. Got it.

LYN: I also go on weibo, and when I open the app it will usually recommend me posts regarding “LYN”. I also look at them, though for the most part it isn’t anything nice. There’s always a group of people just posting ugly photos of me. Some of them are photos that the paparazzi took. Some are ugly screenshots from my dramas. I was planning on collecting a bunch of such photos and then go through them one by one during my stream. I would tell you why I looked so wretched in them. LYN: I saw one- /recreates it/ I had a hunched back, neck out, and foolish smile. There was one like that. In another one- I think it was BCF. Just really ugly. I was planning on collecting a bunch of these photos and showing them one by one on my stream. I’d give you the context for those photos. Friends- when I start dissing myself, no one else can top me. C: They photoshopped them like that on purpose. LYN: It’s not intentional. It’s just- in the moment. Who maintains their expressions all the time?? For example, if I blink- and in this process someone captures a picture of me. Or if I lower my head and someone gets a picture- those are definitely going to be terrible. Whatever, it’s no problem. People know what I look like- I have stage performances and variety shows. I’m not afraid of these things. I’ve never gone around trying to promote my visuals, either. I just think this is really funny, so I wanted to collect a bunch and chat with you about them during a stream. C: Don’t do it. LYN: No, I want to. It’ll be fun. These days whenever I see one of those photos I’ll save it. Just like, for example, this one: /pulls up the stock photo bgs on his music app/ What the heck is that? /the photo changes/ Look, this one is worse. [t/n: he’s gone through these before in his 2023.06.06 stream, so I won’t translate it this time around. Still very amusing, though.]

LYN: Wait, I remember there were a lot of ugly ones, how come they’re gone? Did Kugou Music delete them for me? These ones are all decent looking! - /continues his commentary through the end of the rotation/

LYN: When I stop streaming today, I’ll go look for some ugly photos of myself and we can see together exactly how ugly I can get. There are some that I saw that even shocked me. “Oh, I’m THAT ugly? It seems like I shouldn’t accept any more idol dramas…”

C: Ning-ge, are you usually a little silly? LYN: Uh.. this… A little. Normally when I’m streaming you can get that I might be a little witty but when I’m with my fellow actors or colleagues, I don’t speak this way. Normally when I talk to my friends I’m like this: “Huh? … What do you mean?” Distant eyes and voice a little (slow). “I don’t know. … What are we shooting later?” “What are you saying, I don’t understand?” /laughs foolishly/ “Can you repeat that? I didn’t understand.” LYN: Yeah, usually I’m like that. /sarcastic/ Normally I’m a little dumb. When I’m streaming like right now I’m just ACTING like a smart person. Like someone who’s lively and loud. But normally I’m just a big fool.

C: You can act being “smart”? LYN: In acting, you can act as a smart person. There are a few things to consider. A smart person has lively/sharp eyes. You can tell through their eyes that they are intelligent. Their eyes move quickly, because they can think fast so their reactions would be quick as well. You can tell from their eyes. /juxtaposes acting “smart” with acting “slow”/. - /he makes the same comparison with dumb/smart dogs, too. Threw Daimi under the bus XD/ LYN: You can observe dogs to know how to act as a smart person.

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C: Ning-ge, you’re trending. LYN: For real? I don’t believe you. I’m only the Livestream King, how could I be trending? There’s no way. /humble bragging/ I’m not qualified. I’m only the 2021 Weibo Livestream King. This is expired, it’s already 2023. I don’t believe it. /laughs at himself/ In the future I’ll balance this on my head and stream with it. LYN: /sigh/ Alright. Weibo isn’t even giving this award anymore. They can’t even give me an award… Think of their profits. If they wanted to make me a little trophy, how much would it put them out? XD Isn’t it nice if they could give me a little pick-me-up to support me? C: Ning-ge, how much could you sell that trophy for? LYN: I have to tell you first- it’s not pure gold. I don’t know how much gold is on this, but I’m sure that the center is cement. If you’re talking about the value of the award in itself, it’s not worth anything. But to me, this honor is priceless. C: You can use it for self-defense. LYN: If I used this for self-defense it would be really dangerous. It’s really heavy. If I threw this it would be a fatal blow. I can’t use this for self-defense- it’s too dangerous. C: Will it lose its shine? LYN: It hasn’t. Because I shine it every now and then. It’s been two years and it’s still bright and shining. There’s just a little dust.

C: Going up the stairs made me almost laugh myself to death. LYN: I saw that post. I was going up the stairs and my butt was swaying, right? It’s like this friends… that’s not my normal speed for climbing stairs. It was too narrow. Since was filming I couldn’t look like I was in a rush and take three steps at a time. I had my partner in front of me, too. I had to take it slow. But that video was from the top-down, so you can’t see my butt. Normally I would take two-three steps at a time, but just walking normally, don’t you walk like this? (shoulders tilting from one side to the other, as you go up the stairs). Normally I would go up a few at a time. I saw that video and I was thinking, “Why do I look so girly??”

bgm: Ice Paper -  夜泊秦淮 (Ye Po Qin Huai)

C: Ning-ge, you’re getting more and more cute. LYN: Please, no. I don’t need to start going down the “cute” path. It’s probably just that you like me, so you think that everything I do is cute. It’s just like me with my dog. When she poops all over the floor, I still think she’s cute. It’s because I love her, so I think that anything she does is cute. You like me, so you think that anything I do is cute. LYN: My fans are cute, too. I was scrolling and saw through the leaks of the drama I’m currently filming. It was posts of me with my fellow actor. The scene was me and my partner heading for a shopfront, and originally supposed to be taken from afar- almost like from a secret angle. But I had a group of fans who were following me as I walked. It was supposed to be a scene of me taking my girlfriend out to a restaurant to have a nice meal, but there was a group of fans following me and looking at me was we walked. When we reached the door, I was supposed to have two lines. There was another actor at the door- the shop owner- and by all means I should have greeted her when we reached the door. - /acting out how it went down, fans and all/ LYN: Jiejie-men, I was supposed to be filming for my drama. :| // I nearly had a mental breakdown. C: Could the shot still be used? LYN: Of course not! We shot it for nothing. They could only use the shot of us from the back, that way all the faces looking at us from the front view wouldn’t be in the shot.  C: There were passersby too!

LYN: Yes, there were. But I discovered a problem with this too- people would post something like: “I went out to eat and bumped into LYN and WZW. They’re together!” “They’re dating, OMG!” “Friends, do you think they’re a good pair?” I saw so many accounts post that we’re dating and below all those posts are the comments: “We give them our blessings!” /sigh/ After I saw that I was extremely at a loss for words. Because… it’s like this. I have no idea what the account’s intention was for posting that content, but I SWEAR they definitely knew we are shooting a drama. They had to have known, but the way they posted the content was purposely like we were together (for real). I had a split second of thinking that it was something our drama production posted, because they wanted a topic that could promote the drama. But as far as I am aware, we are not at the promotional stage yet. C: The passersby were onlooking. LYN: No, they also had to have known we were filming, because that’s not the only time we walked that path! We did the take at least five times!! Even if we WERE together, it’s not like we would shop the same street five times. Do you get what I’m saying?? Also, the comments were like they were pre-prepared. “Wow, they’re really together!” “Wow, it’s real.” And some of my fans tried to explain, “They’re filming.” But those replies just went ignored and they carried on with, “Wow, they’re really together.” “LYN is not worthy of her.” “It turns out WZW really does like tall guys.” All of the comments were like this. It’s inexplicable and I really don’t understand why people have to make posts like that. C: Forcefully creating traffic. LYN: It’s not worth it! You can also say that they’re trying to diss me, but it didn’t really seem like that was the case, either. I don’t know why they did it. // They had to have known we were filming. Otherwise they wouldn’t record us. Let’s say they were eating a meal- we walked the same route five times, and say it took 10 minutes. There’s no way they could have finished their meal in that time. C: They’re just trying to create traffic to their page. LYN: I don’t know D: There are many ways to gain attention to yourselves, but this is the first time I’m encountering this method. 

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C: 666 I’m seeing LYN stream. LYN: It’s not that amazing. Please don’t be like this. You’re giving me a lot of pressure. You’re making it seem like my stream is something very precious. It’s not worth it. It’s free to watch. LYN: I saw someone comment, trying to paint me in a negative light: “This guy has no morals. When he turns off the gifting option on his stream, then I’ll be convinced. He streams all the time. As an artist, is he not ashamed to be fishing for money by streaming?” They said that if I turned off the gifting option, then they would be convinced by me. Friend- I’ve turned that feature off a long time ago. My streams are free. I don’t collect any fees. I’m not worth any money. My stream is very cheap. Also, weibo is not giving me any money- this is purely my own hobby. I just need this stage, on weibo, to show myself. C: It’s very precious! LYN: Of course, my fans will definitely consider me precious. You’ll send me red roses. Don’t greet me with your tears. /recites more lyrics/

LYN: This song is for all my precious friends. -- 你最珍贵 (You’re the Most Precious) [Francesca Kao and Jacky Cheung] C: You’re after my life. XDD // I lost half my life. LYN: /laughs/ Alright then. Was that female voice not nice, though? C: Ning-ge, that female voice sounded like me. LYN: … Hold on, I don’t think I executed it well. /sings again, but better/ Do you think this is not better? It still sounds good, right? Hold on. Let me see if I can make it gentler. What about this? Is it better? This works!

C: Ning-ge, when will you wear ear accessories? LYN: Male artists aren’t allowed to wear earrings. We aren’t allowed to… so it’ll be difficult to make an appearance. 

C: Ning-ge, it’s Teacher’s Day. Can you gift teachers with the song Rang Jiu? LYN: What does Rang Jiu have to do with Teacher’s Day? I don’t understand- what’s the connection…? Or is that that you are a teacher, and you like the song Rang Jiu, so on behalf of Teacher’s Day you want me to sing it? … You just want to hear it, don’t you? C: Because the Teachers want to hear it. LYN: This is a reasonable excuse. Okay… C: The Teacher likes it. LYN: … LYN: Forget it. C: Sing “Above the Jianghu”. LYN: I already did. You missed it. This is why you have to turn on notifications for my stream, otherwise next time you’ll miss it again. I already sang it earlier, you’re too late.

C: Water or what? LYN: This is water! I can’t believe you would ask that. If it’s something this color then it’s only one of two things: water or baijiu. If I were drinking baijiu just straight like this, something would have to be wrong with me. It’s water. /drinks a sip & makes that hiss sound people do after drinking alcohol./ C: Lei-Bi (Sprite (Xue-bi)) is also clear. LYN: It doesn’t have bubbles!

LYN: /laughs/ Have you noticed- that when people in dramas drink alcohol, they always act it like this- /acts out drinking with the burn of the alcohol/. A lot of people act it out that way. But I don’t think a lot of people express it like that in real life, do they? Right? /acts it out like in the drama again/ But people in real life- your dad, for example- rarely express it like that, right? Or does he? C: My dad does. LYN: Wow. He must have a high tolerance. C: I do that when I drink Sprite. LYN: /laughs/ You do that when you drink Sprite?? Wow. C: There are too many bubbles. LYN: XD // In that case, don’t drink anything with too many bubbles like that. Drink more warm water.

C: I want to hear Fall in Love. LYN: How sensible.

C: I want to hear 愿光. [ALZ OST] LYN: I really haven’t sung that one. C: It’s so falsetto. LYN: This song live, will probably come across that way. It’s pretty much all sung in falsetto. The general feel is like… like Spongebob is singing. LYN: Let me see if I have the track for it. /shakes his head, no/ The instrumental track is not up on the internet. C: It’s in the KTV! LYN: /laughs/ Really? The KTV has it, but I don’t. Then let’s forget it. C: Acapella. LYN: Okay, Aunty.

LYN: I really don’t have it. Let’s forget it. I’ll find a chance to sing it for you next time. When I get a chance to get a copy of the track I’ll sing it for you.

C: If it’s in the KTV, Ning-ge, take your phone to the KTV and stream from there. LYN: Your demands for music are really too high. You’re willing to give so much just because you want to hear some nice music, or music that you like. But the problem here is that you want someone else to make the sacrifice. You want to hear a song, and now you want someone to go out and find a KTV- let’s say one hour is 60RMB. I’d pay 60RMB, sing one song, and then leave? If I wanted to add a bottle of sprite, it would cost me an additional 5RMB. 65RMB for you to hear a song. Not including the taxi fare to get there and back. You’re demands for music makes you really not afraid of inconvenience, it seems.

C: Did you drink? LYN: What do you mean?? Am I streaming like I’m drunk? Or do you think my face is flushed? If it’s the first and you think I’m drunk, then you really don’t know me. It’s just that I haven’t streamed in too long  and I’m a little crazy today. If it’s the second and you think that my face looks a little flushed it’s because seeing you makes me shy. In front of so many viewers, I’m feeling shy and my face is turning red. C: The old face turns red. LYN: …. I don’t care that you call me “ugly” but calling me “old” hurts me. 

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LYN: How about I sing this song? I’ll sing Fall in Love instead. LYN: I need some shades. -- Fall in Love (ft. kazoobie) LYN: I haven’t played with the kaka in too long. I feel like it’s going to waste. I spent so much to get it, at the time… 

C: How much was it? LYN: It was expensive. This is a legit musical instrument. I think it was 1600-1700. Don’t look at it and think it’s very simple- it’s actually quite expensive. I told you about when I ws trying ot buy it, remember? I was trying to find one online, but it was a secondhand instrument. I asked the seller if they’d played it before, and of course they had. So I asked how much it was. Secondhand, 1700. I said, “You already played with it. Can it be washed cleanly?” and they replied “It’s hard to say.” Later I thought forget it, and bought a new one for a higher price. Since this is an imported instrument, so I had to pay more to get it. C: You didn’t want the secondhand one? LYN: It was close. If they could offer it for a little cheaper I would have bought it. C: Didn’t you buy two? LYN: Yeah. The other one’s here. I don’t know why it started to change colors. It feels like it’s already started rusting. C: Raffle it. LYN: No way.

LYN: Later I’ll have to see if I can buy some polisher and see if that goes away. I had bought a gold colored and a silver colored one. But I think it has that look of an old instrument, and that’s not bad either. 

C: That the marks left by your saliva. LYN: 去你的! How much saliva would I have had, to let it drip all the way down to here?? The inside isn’t lie this! It’s on the outside- did I- was I drinking?? And I spit all over the outside?? What are you saying, that these are the marks from my saliva.?? Shut up. It could be explained for this part (the mouth part)- but it hasn’t rusted! Is my saliva poisonous?? C: Daimi licked it. LYN: No, she didn’t. Don’t try to blame her. It wasn’t Daimi. It’s not spit, either. I’m guessing it’s the sweat or something from my hands. There’s a song, isn’t there-  “perfume is poisonous”? Are you trying to say that my saliva is poisonous, too? /replaces the lyrics in the song XD/ LYN: If that’s the case, then it has a detective function. Which goes to say that my sweat has some degree of poison. I corroded it. It works as a way to examine the state of my body. Just like in the old times, how they would test if a bown of rice had poison in it or not by sticking a silver needle in it. If the needle turns black then it means that the bowl or cup of tea or whatever is poisoned. Since my sweat has ruined the metal it must mean that my body is lacking in something. It’s possible, right? LYN: This is pure nonsense. 

C: Lacking in calcium. LYN: I told you in my last stream, that I was calcium deficient. I wen to get my physical and those were the results. I bought supplements, but I haven’t started taking them yet. Maybe because I haven’t been eating much lately, so my calcium intake is low?

C: Soak in the sun more. LYN: Right- people say that sunlight can boost your calcium. I don’t really expose myself to the sun, otherwise I would get a tan. So I… am not in the sun that often.

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- /someone updating him on what uni they got into, and he congratulates them/

- /obligatory “Happy Birthday” message/ LYN: It’s just saying “Happy Birthday”, right? That’s affordable. Happy Birthday, friend. If you’re celebrating your birthday tomorrow or around this time, Happy Birthday. I hope you can gain a year, and gain more sense, too. I hope you’re more and more happy in the coming year. :)

- /is told his stream is trending. says it’s not really a big deal bc he streams often, and would rather be streaming for his music or one of his dramas./

C: Are the neighbors not fighting today? LYN: They already fought. You came too late! That’s why you have to turn on notifications for my stream, so you won’t miss it. Please subscribe, thank you. I think that if I can gain 100 fans for every stream I do, I would be successful. If I stream 100 more times, I would have gained 10,000 fans! 10k, real, living fans! Wouldn’t that make me a… a very amazing… yhx (media blog)? XD LYN: I was thinking- there are always some unreasonable accounts who are always posting bad things about me. I was thinking about how I could fix this issue, and decided, “What if I opened the biggest yxh (media) company?” I’ll put all my resources into it. I’ll be the biggest company, and I’ll take over all the little ones. If someone makes 1 bad post about me, I’ll post 300 good ones. I’ll smother them. What do you think, friends? The only way I could resolve this issue is by disrupting the whole industry. While I’m at it, I can take on a bunch of other jobs. It would count as a new business venture. What do you think? - /no mercy for those who posted bad things about him- he’s gonna make them jobless XD/ - /fans goading him to actually do it, saying they will invest/ LYN; If you’re really serious, let’s post it across the internet and go for collective payback. My fans across the whole web and I will create the biggest media company. Our main focus will be to protect LYN. XD This is not in order to make money. It’s a public service. You’d be doing a good thing.

LYN: Friends, when I stream, you should only listen and believe about 20% of what I’m saying at all times. Most of my stream is basically complete nonsense, with making up random things on top. Please don’t take it seriously. If you take what I say during my stream seriously, it means you are truly naive. My stream is to bring up the mood- I’m not here to lecture you. I’m just here to say nonsense. Listen for entertainment only. LYN: Don’t take me serious. I don’t want to see an yxh post later saying, “LYN is going to open an yxh company to kill us off. Friends, do you think he can do it?” I’m sure this topic is going to be created in no time. - “LYN is too low. He wants to create his own yhx company. Friends, do you think this is right?” - “Friends, what do you think about this?” - “Friends, LYN wants to open a company not with his own funds, but by crowdfunding. In the end the netizens foot the bill. What do you think about this issue?” LYN: /sigh/ They always ask you what your opinion is. Do you think they really have the time to read your replies, though?? Their lives are hard enough as it is.

LYN: My stream is mostly nonsense, because really it’s for my fans. Those who don’t like me won’t come to watch my stream. 80% of you are my fans. 10% are here because of an OST I sang lately, or are other peoples fans. The remaining 10% are people just passing through. THey saw that “LYN Livestream” was trending and clicked in to see a show. The majority of you are my fans though, so most of my stream is nonsense. Don’t take my words seriously, and you don’t need to repeat what I say. As if you care. 

C: What’s that red thing in the back? LYN: You don’t know this?? /moves panda!Mei Lee/ It’s the panda! Disney’s. You don’t know it? C: Where did it come from? LYN: Disney gave it to me. A friend from Disney gave it to me.

-- break #2

bgm: 云字诀 (Cloud Farewell) [The Ingenious One OST]

LYN: People probably recognize me a lot more for- besides my “internet famous” identity- for my identity as a singer. I’ve sung a lot of OSTs. Do people have been saying, “As a singer, you should just stick to singing. Why are you acting? Stop messing around. Do you think you can act?” Stop nagging me, because lately a lot of other actors have started singing OSTs. I have a friend who wanted to borrow a mic from me- they’re an actor, and they want to sing an OST for their drama. OST singer’s work is starting to get stolen from actors, now. So don’t blame singers for wanting to act. Let’s play fair. LYN: I have an actor friend- because I have a recording mic that’s pretty good quality- who wanted to borrow this mic to record. I asked them what they were recording, and they replied “An OST.” See? So that’s why we shouldn’t fight- just treat all as equals. Actors can sing now, and they can attend events and sing their songs there. If they sing their own OSTs, it counts as stealing work from OST singers, too. So let’s not point fingers. Let’s just say that if there’s work, it’s free for all and leave it at that. Fair and just. C: Who is it? LYN: What business is that of yours? LYN: Anyway, let’s play fair, ok? Don’t nag me next time. There are a lot of people who don’t like the fact that I am a singer, who is starting to act. But don’t a lot of actors go to sing songs at events? Right? They’re in the same boat. Or what- do you think singers are lesser? No. 隔行如隔山 (to someone outside the profession, it’s a closed book). This is really hard to even out. LYN: This song 云字诀 has been LYN’s version. Now we can listen to MXT’s version. XD - /plays the song/ LYN: (ツ)_/¯. Let’s not point fingers. But her version also sounds very nice. I was just explaining the situation, not specifically referring to a particular song. That’s not what I meant. // As long as you have the ability, what “profession” you have doesn’t matter.

LYN: I just want to make an effort. Or is that not allowed? No one is born to do one thing. For example, you have a breakfast shop- is your talent/meaning in life to sell breakfast? No. Let’s take that friend earlier who wanted to stay at home “picking their feet” and turn that into a pedcurist job. Is that person’s meaning in life to be a pedicurist? No. Having skills is a learning process. No one is born to do one thing. You’ve got to give people a chance to work for it. If you want to work hard to learn a new craft or switch to a new job, it’s not shameful. A lot of you may have jobs but you want to switch industries or do something you really want to. Just do it. Don’t mind what others will think of you. Just do what you want to do. The day you succeed, all those people will shut up. If you don’t succeed… then it’s not important. At least you tried doing something you wanted to do. You only live once. I think you should strive to so what you want to do. LYN: Even if my family has been selling wontons for generations. What if I wanted to start selling buns from my wonton shop? I can do that. When you open up your options, you’ll get all the more gains. You can experience more in life. So I think we should all be more understanding of one another. As long as you are trying to work hard to improve your life, I don’t think it’s shameful. It doesn’t matter if you’re suited to it or not. You shouldn’t be ridiculed for having dreams. LYN: Friends, dreams shouldn’t be ridiculed. A lot of the things you’re using, or the paths you’re walking, or any benefits you have are the result of people before you having dreams. Do you understand? Don’t look down on people who have dreams. LYN: There’s a song, isn’t there? ~ If you have a dream, anyone can be amazing. ~ / ~ In my heart, there used to be a dream. I wanted a voice that would make you forget all the hurt. ~

LYN: Friends, how about this? Let’s sing some songs with the theme of “Dreams.” What is there? Let’s sing one or two. Encourage each other. C: 少年. LYN: This song is about- no matter what age you are, you have the attitude of the youth. You want to keep moving forward. You want to keep pursuing your dreams. Let’s sing it. - /finds the wrong “少年” > finds the right “少年” > switches gears to his own song “Youth at Will (意气趁年少)” [:YN: It’s the story abouta scholar.] XD/ LYN: Let’s encourage each other, friends. This applies to that one friend who said they didn’t want to go to school anymore and wanted to go home. This song is for you. Go to school. -- Youth at Will (意气趁年少) LYN: Thank you. Why is this song so intense? /sighs/ /pained/ C: 一开始. LYN: I don’t have the track for this. I used to. - C: Why is your face so red? LYN: I haven’t streamed in a long time so I’m a little shy. - LYN: They have the song, but not the accompaniment track. We can listen to it, but there’s no track. Give me one minute- give me another chance to see if I can find it. /nope/ There’s nothing I can do. This song and I aren’t meant to be.

-----

C: I caught up to three years of playback. Now I’ve finally caught a live stream. LYN: My playbacks require a lot of time to make up for. You’ve been catching up all this time and have now caught a live one. It’s been hard on you, friend. That’s really… a difficult thing to do.

C: Me too. LYN: You always watch the playback, and have never caught a live stream? It really is a difficult thing to accomplish, but I want to thank you for liking me and being willing to watch my stream. Many of you probably don’t watch the stream either- you probably just leave it to the side and use it as background noise. You can’t really hear what I’m saying, but you’re working on you own stuff. I guess it’s stress-relieving? Many of you do that. It’s okay. If you catch me, you catch me. If you can’t then you can watch in your free time. C: I’ve been watching cuts for years and this is the first time I’m catching an actual stream. LYN: You… what were you doing earlier?? Try to watch the streams if you can, because here we have a sort of interaction. If you watch cuts, it’s probably just one small portion and I seem playful. But the main point of my streams is to keep you company. My streams are usually around three hours long- the main idea here is to keep each other company. 

C: Ning-ge, I’m cutting my nails right now. LYN: Cutting you nails and stopping to look up every once in a while?C: I’m eating canned food. LYN: … C: I’m drying my clothes. LYN: Be careful. Don’t be on the veranda and then accidentally let your clothes fall over the edge.

C: I need to use the restroom! I’ve been holding it!! LYN: /laughs/ You’re so invested you don’t even dare to use the restroom?? You don’t want to miss anything? How about this- I don’t know what you’re watching my stream on- probably your phone, right? Your phone IS allowed in the bathroom, you know? It’s not like there are rules that say it’s not allowed. You can bring your phone with you and do your business. You can go! How about this--

LYN: Unless you’re watching on desktop? Laptops are allowed in the restroom. C: There’s no internet in the bathroom. LYN: Very easy. Leave your phone and then just connect to some bluetooth earphones. You can hear but also do you business. Okay? LYN: How about this- let’s give that friend who needed to use the restroom three minutes. We’ll wait for them and not say anything. Just stare at each other. You go use the restroom. Ning-ge will wait for you. I won’t say anything, and just play a song. I’ll wait for you. Go. - LYN: /starts eating grapefruit/ When other people are using the restroom, here I am eating. XD - C: Really? LYN: Really, go! I’ll wait for you- three minutes. Go to the bathroom! Don’t damage your health. I’ll wait for you, not saying anything. - C: Let’s talk in secret. LYN: Forget about those using the restroom and talk in secret? :) What about “trust”? This is too low. What if they come back and find out that we were talking, wouldn’t they be sad?? Right? What type of person are you?? Someone like you… let me tell you- if you were my roommate, I would-- /cutes himself off/ How can you suggest that we talk secretly. You’re too bad. - LYN: It’s about time- three minutes is up. We’re back now. Nothing happened.

C: Ning-ge, I watch your stream without bringing you into the bathroom because I feel like if I did, that would be disrespecting you. LYN: /laughs/ Bringing me into the bathroom would be disrespecting me? Am I that divine, now? Why would you respect me that much?? How about when you’re using the bathroom just normally, and you scroll across a video of me- what do you do? Turn your phone off? You think that me appearing in the bathroom is not respecting me? You’re too amazing. C: Pick up my pants and leave. LYN: There’s no need, though. You can scroll normally. If my video appears in the bathroom, it’s fine. You have my permission, you can take it to the bathroom. Do your business. Ok- let’s stop that topic right here. I’ve already told you what to do, so let’s move on.

-----

C: Ning-ge, you’ve gotten thinner. LYN: It’s probably because this hairstyle makes me look thinner. But also I’ve had some diarrhea the past couple days, so maybe I’ve just lost some water weight. 

C: Ning-ge, is your hair real or fake? LYN: Why do you care? It has nothing to do with you. If whether my hair is real or fake has no impact on your life, then you shouldn’t think about it. Okay? Friends, you have to remember- if you want to live in this world happily and relaxed, then all you have to do is stop poking into business that isn’t your own. You have to remember this. If you care about everything, then you will live a very tired life. I never put more thought into something than I should. It has nothing to do with me. I have my own life, my own hobbies, and things I want to accomplish. I won’t go out of my way to worry about other things. LYN: If it’s in order to help someone else, then that’s a different story. But in general, other people’s business is not my own. Whether my hair is real or not really doesn’t affect your life, it doesn’t affect your pay or your studies. If it doesn’t affect you, then you don’t have to think about it. 

C: Ning-ge, are you a real person? LYN: I’m an AI-created person. Every response you’re seeing is part of my algorithm and is developed based on what you’re typing. I’m an AI. In my eyes, you are all human. Stop asking questions (that aren’t your business).

C: Ning-ge, did you drink coffee before your stream? LYN: I drink it pretty much every day. 

C: Ning-ge, you’re trending. LYN: Am I? It’s not for anything bad though, is it? What’s the topic? “LYN-” what? Is it “LYN_Livestream” or “LYN_Ugly”? What is it? C: Princess carry. LYN: ? Who did I carry? Gao Weiguang?

C: Ning-ge, do you often lose hair? LYN: Hair loss is something that afflicts every person. Every person will more or less lose hair. I don’t believe that there is anyone alive who has never lost a single hair from the moment they were born. Hair loss is normal. It’s just like your nails. When you cut them, they grow back. Your hair is the same- when you lose hair, it will grow back. You just have to maintain a healthy scalp and sleep early. As long as you’re healthy. Everyone loses hair.  

C: Recommend me a shampoo. LYN: /promotes is brand collab with L’Oreal/ LYN: Today, I’ll dare to advertise (打广告). Tomorrow I would dare to hit my fans (打粉丝). [t/n: the verb for “to advertise” and “to hit” is the same.] C: What’s the joke? LYN: You haven’t seen those videos? In that case, forget I said anything. 

C: Friends, who knows my pain? I haven’t finished my homework yet. LYN: Stop watching. Go finish your homework.

C: How long will you be filming Xiao Bei (Cicada Girl) for? LYN: What do you care? It’ll be for a while yet. We just started shooting. 

C: Ning-ge, is West out of the Yumen good? LYN: What sort of question is that? “Is West out of the Yumen good”??? I can’t believe that’s a question that needs to be asked. Is that something that you need to ask?? Isn’t the answer definite? It’s definitely a good watch. It’s definitely amazing. LYN: Do you want to know why this drama has to be good? Because... I sang the OST. It’s definitely not BECAUSE I sang, therefore it is good. It’s good, so I HAD to lock down the job to sing the OST. Do you get the difference? I’m not trying to praise myself. It’s because it’s really good, therefore I had to fight tooth and nail in order to sing for it. The second reason is because it features my good friend Bai Yu. BY is definitely good. He’s worth watching this drama for, friends. Go support him.

-----

C: Ning-ge, I’ve been watching SYXSSYX and the Da-Bai character is so handsome! LYN: You think Da Bai is handsome? Didn’t I say earlier that after I stopped streaming I would start collecting a bunch of ugly photos? He’s included. You said he’s handsome? I’ll tell you how ugly he is. Subscribe to my weibo. In the next stream I’ll gather a bunch of ugly photos of me and share them with you. We’ll see exactly how ugly LYN is. Didn’t you say he was handsome? In the next stream, I’m gonna make you eat your words. C: I’m also a fan of BCF. LYN: Thank you. As an actor, the fact that you like a character that I have played makes me feel really honored. Of course, I also like every role I have played. Every single one. I love all my characters. I’m the type of person who remembers the lines even after every drama has finished filming. As for how much of my lines, I can’t say. But I can always remember some of the lines I’ve said in my dramas. Think about how much I like these characters, to be able to do that.

C: Let’s hear it. LYN: /reciting a line from The Long Ballad, where Hao Du yells at Wei Shuyu. XD/

C: Now one of BCF’s. LYN: I need some music for this. /says the line where BCF is talking to WXS: “You say the capital is a wall. // One day, I’ll break down these walls for you.” & “Neither one box of gold nor an elder position can compare to the fame I’ll achieve by intercepting the Sixth Half Hall’s carriage tonight.” & “Xiao Shitou, was meeting me the worst thing you’ve done in life? Meeting you, meeting Wen Rou- it was as if a light had been lit in my heart. I thought that as long as I had this light I would never lose my way. I thought I could be a good person. But you’re dead, and the light is gone.”/

LYN: What else is there? /moves on to BYOL lines from Jiang Junhao/ LYN: What else? C: Wei Chengfeng (Hot-Blooded Youth) LYN: Here’s the thing with WCF- regrettably, that was my first drama and I didn’t do the voice acting myself. I won’t be trying, because even if I do, it wouldn’t sound the same because it’s not my voice. This goes for Hei Yanjing, too. But I’m very thankful for the voice actor for both those dramas. Because at that time I really didn’t know how to act, but their voice acting really helped me and the helped the character. I’m very thankful for them. At that time I acted poorly and also said my lines poorly. But through their efforts in voice acting for the characters, they brought a lot of life to the characters.

C: Luo Mingxi. LYN: /buffering/ LMX? /remembered some!/ The coughing is the best though. /coughs some more/ His lines were too long, I don’t remember. It’s about right, though.

C: Ning Yuanzhou. LYN: That drama hasn’t even aired yet! /recites the line from the trailer: “Now I have you and my brothers from the Six Paths. Even if I die one day, they will remember me.”/

C: Jiuyuan. (Parting of Orchid and Demon King, donghua ver.) LYN: Jiuyuan… Jiuyuan? This is probably the hardest one. /still remembers, though!/ 

C: Di Lin (Zi Chuan) LYN: Di Lin… it’s been too long. He does have some more remarkable lines, though. “I don’t care if it’s cold-blooded. I can kill all the people in the world.” // This one is reaching- it’s been too long. Also, it hasn’t even aired yet.

C: Zuo Bufan (TXJ) LYN: /laughs-cries/ I forgot. I totally forgot his lines. It’s been too long, really.

C: When is YNGS going to air? My membership is about to expire. LYN: When it airs, just renew it. Don’t rush- when it airs, just renew your membership.

C: Hei Xiazi, ge ge. LYN: I already told you, when I was acting as Hei Xiazi I was not the one who did the voice acting for him. So I don’t think my voice would give you much feeling. A professional voice actor did that role for me, so even if I say a few of his lines… it wouldn’t make a difference. Because it would sound different. /does some anyway/

C: It’s my first time coming to LYN’s livestream. It’s great. LYN: It’s alright. Lively, at least.

C: Three bowls of life. LYN: You want to hear that, too?? (a skit he did from My Brilliant Masters variety show in 2019)

C: Your memory is too good! LYN: Right? That’s why I keep my nose out of other people’s business. I need to focus on remembering my own stuff. 

- /recites his line from his cameo as a foot soldier in Medal of the Republic/ LYN: Isn’t my memory great, friends? This is a role I cameo-d in.

C: Doctor He. (Love Yourself) LYN: He didn’t really have any lines. I honestly forgot.

C: Ah-Bill. (Line Walker 2: Invisible Spy) LYN: /laughs/ /thinking hard/ I forgot- I only had two lines, but I forgot.

C: Discovery of Romance. LYN: ! You want me to remember my lines from even my cameos?! /thinking/ /shyly recites his lines, but that might be because the character was pretty shy/

C: Mu Xianhe (Wonderland of Love) LYN: It hasn’t aired yet. Also, I only had two scenes- maybe three? Just a small cameo. I went to have fun with friends. He’s a different type of character. He was quite… profound.

LYN: Alright friends. It’s about time. If you haven’t subscribed to my weibo yet, please do so. I am Modern Brothers Liu Yuning. Thank you for your company and support. And… it’s about time for today’s stream. There’s a drama airing lately called “West Out of the Yumen”. If you have nothing to watch lately, I hope you can check it out. It’s really good. I sing a song for it called 狂风袭来 (A Strong Wind Blows)- it’s what you’re listening to now. I hope you had a wonderful, happy, and relaxing night. It was great having you, and I hope you had fun. Let’s meet again in the next stream. Goodnight everybody.

#Liu Yuning #lyn livestream #(3:28:38)

[wolfiemcwolferson]

hiya, i am so so so so soft for single dad alex, i would love for you to go on!!

You got here first, so I’ll answer you but also tag everyone who asked for part two! @princewis @disneykidfics @sharedshield

Part two of the single dad AU.

Alex hasn’t found an emergency sitter yet.

It’s normally the first thing he does when he moves to a new place, but they had moved here with such short notice that Alex is still wrapping up things he’s left behind at the last place and so... He doesn’t have an emergency sitter.

Reg is watching TV, glancing at him with those knowing little eyes through the window occasionally as George cycles through his emergency emergency phone list.

He doesn’t use it often, but when he does…

It’s just that he only started this job this week and he knows that in two weeks when he’s had a chance to settle in, this won’t be a problem.

“Nope,” Alex clips out, “I understand. It’s a - yeah, it’s very last minute.”

He listens to Audrey make another excuse. She’s in London, doesn’t Alex know that? She can’t be there tomorrow. No, she doesn’t want Alex to meet her halfway. She’d have to borrow a car and -

Alex tunes her out when he catches Reg looking at him again, he pastes a too large smile on his face and then he steps further into the garden, out of his line of sight.

It’s just…he hates calling his ex's family when it messes with Reg, but he reminds her with too much force, “He’s your nephew and you’ve not seen him since October.”

He regrets it immediately. She rushes him off the phone with half promises and Alex knows the next time he calls, she won’t answer.

“Fucking entitled -“

“Alex?” George’s head comes over the garden wall and he looks so startled that Alex has to do a double take.

After the very very lovely dinner they shared where Alex learned that George was a school teacher and that he had lived in this area his entire life and that he liked to cook but he was still adjusting to cooking for one, Alex had seen him every morning as George dipped into his house from his run, waving at Alex and Reg as they left for their day.

“I’m so sorry,” George says, talking fast, “I didn’t mean to overhear you, but I was out having some tea and I couldn’t help but hear -“

Alex’s instinct is to clam up.

His instinct is to shut down because it’s his life isn’t it and -

But George says, “I would be so happy to watch Reg for you while you have to work.”

And there’s no hardness in his voice, only a smile.

“If, of course, you’re comfortable with that.”

Alex turns it over in his head just once. Reg quite likes George. And George seems to be a trustworthy sort. And he’s incredibly sweet.

(He ignores the way he maybe wants to kiss him a bit. Just to see what his lips taste like.)

“I’ve got to warn you. It’s race weekend and Reg won’t miss a single second. You’ll have to be parked up in front of the television for hours.”

George looks faintly amused. “It’s quite sweet he is that into racing. I used to kart when I was a child. But I was a bit rubbish. We can watch the race, sure.”

Alex realizes that George is missing fundamental information about his and Reggie’s lives, but it can probably wait.

“Are you sure you don’t mind? I can…I can probably still find someone -“

“Alex,” George laughs and Alex will not spiral about the way he says his name, nope. Not appropriate. “I want to. I quite like him. And…” he inhales, “My sister is a single parent. I know how hard it is for her.”

Oh.

Yeah, that changes everything.

George truly gets it - not in the way other single parents do, but he gets it in the way that he knows how hard it is. To do it all alone.

“Okay,” Alex nods, “yeah, let’s do it. Why don’t you come over and I’ll show you where everything is?”

“Now?” George asks, eyebrows creeping up his forehead.

“Yeah, now, but -“ Alex starts to laugh as George tries to climb the wall between them, “why don’t you use the door, George? If you crack your skull open, we’ll both be in trouble for tomorrow, yeah?”

George only looks slightly flustered when he says, “Right, the door.”

Alex watches him wave a bit before disappearing into his house and Alex does not have time to be having thoughts about him.

Nope. That is…entirely inappropriate and wrong.

"Reg," Alex says, sliding the door open to the house. "George is going to stay with you tomorrow while I'm at work."

Reggie sighs, sitting up and pausing the television. "Does he know that it's race weekend? There are practices to watch tomorrow."

But as the doorbell rings, the mask slips and Reggie looks elated. Alex feels guilty all over again.

He's attached.

One dinner and a couple of hello's in the street and Reg is attached.

#galex #single dad au #there's more to be told here

[retrieve-the-kraken]

9 favourite books

Thank you @gwiazdziarka for tagging me (and thanks for all those book recs, I’m adding all of them to my list, except for the ones that I’ve already read), and I agree, maybe all of these won’t be my absolute favorite books, but they’re either books that I think about a lot, or books that have a special place in my heart, but not necessarily something that I go back to over and over.

The Little Prince by Antoine de Saint Exúpery

This one is definitely a favorite. It’s a book that I’ve reread many times, because I feel that it has a different feel every time, depending on what I’m going through at that moment. Also a classic. Love it so much that I’ve started to collect editions in different languages; so far I have Spanish (of course), French, Italian, Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Euskera (possibly one of the rarest), and Swedish (of course, because I intend to be able to read it by next year).

Neverwhere by Neil Gaiman

Also an absolute favorite, classic down-the-rabbit-hole type story that takes place in London Below. Fell in love with it, with the world-building within an already existing world. If i actually had to list 9 of my favorite books, pretty sure the whole list would be Neil Gaiman, but this book is both entertaining and comforting, so I pick this one. The BBC radio drama adaptation starring James McAvoy and Natalie Dormer is also excellent. Still waiting for the book sequel, though…

84 Charing Cross Road by Helene Hanff

The most charming book in history, composed entirely of letters between an aspiring writer and rare books collector in New York and the manager of a rare books bookshop in London. Their relationship is platonic, and yet one of the most romantic things I have ever read. The movie adaptation is equally charming and it has Anthony Hopkins and Judi Dench in it. Read the book first, then watch the movie, then cry endlessly. Rinse and repeat.

Like a Hole in the Head by Jen Banbury

You should know that I get a lot of book recommendations from TV shows, so I decided to hunt down this book when Monica was reading it in more than one episode of Friends (felt like a subliminal message). And it was fucking worth it. Also a book about a book. A dwarf comes into a bookshop where the protagonist works, to sell a first edition of Jack London’s White Fang, and only after he’s gone she finds out just how rare it is. Heist plot ensues. It’s equally strange and exciting, mind-blowing and cathartic.

The Opposite of Loneliness by Marina Keegan

Very melancholy, this book is a collection of essays, poems and short stories published posthumously, as Keegan died in an accident at 21. She was very talented and could write convincingly about many things. Can’t even pick a favorite one out of the collection, because they’re all very good in very different ways. Very bittersweet.

Los Caballos Estornudan en la Lluvia by Dimas Lidio Pitty

Another short story collection (the title literally translates as “Horses Sneeze in the Rain”), from a Panamanian author, from the region where I spent my childhood summers, which still holds a very special place in my heart, and which has a mysticism about it that he helps preserve in these stories. Dimas Lidio Pitty was very good at magical realism. One of the stories in particular is so brief, but it’s incredible how good it is in such a short narration.

Fahrenheit 451 by Ray Bradbury

I’m a huge fan of classic dystopic science fiction, and this one has got to be my favorite. The narrative is interesting, moves along at an excellent pace, and it covers everything. Another book about books too. If you haven’t read Fahrenheit 451, the premise is simple: in this dystopic society, firemen don’t put out fires, they start them… to burn books. Book banning to the extreme. What happens next? You need to read it to find out.

El Misterio del Solitario by Jostein Gaarder

I have been obsessed with this book (The Solitaire Mystery in English) by Norwegian author Jostein Gaarder since I started reading all his books when I was a teen (I don’t even know how I came across him, I just picked one up one day and went with it, it wasn’t even Sophy’s World, it was Through a Glass, Darkly). Of course Sophy’s World is probably the most famous, and it was very good, but this one is so strange and magical that I read it several times ages ago, and it was such a comforting book, and now I would like to reread. Maybe one day soon I’ll read it in Norwegian!

The Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum

Another classic and favorite, which I have also read many times. Some people like Alice in Wonderland, some like Peter Pan, I like the Wizard of Oz. I like anything Oz related, the movie, the musical, Wicked (the musical, not the book, tho), everything. But the source material is still where it’s at.

No pressure tags: @makingupachangingmind , @voldiebeth , @raincitygirl76 and @phoebenpiperx .

#booksbooksbooks #booklove #book recs #i love learning about what people are reading or have read or love to read #give me all the book recs #i wish i could have a book club with everyone here

[melis-writes]

Imagine my *surprised face but not really surprised* face when I see you’re going to write Tommy Shelby 🥹 IT’S HAPPENING!!! Oh you better strap yourself in girl, reaaaaaal tight for the ride you’re about to go on for not only all the series but for the depth of this motherfucking character!

I’ve always been into mafia/mob/gangster either Films, Series or documentaries & adaptations. Peaky Blinders is hands down the best series I have ever watched and I still sing it’s praises to this day. This whole family will have you feeling all types of ways and I promise you won’t regret it. I love each character for so many different reasons, Tommy is the best character by far and was the reason I initially got hooked but the family unit is something so powerful ❤️

I’m so intrigued to see your writing for Tommy! Tommy’s character doesn’t change too much in terms of his mentality but his character grows so so much more throughout all the series. I often look back at series 1 and just want to cuddle & look after that man something silly. That man is infuriating and so lovable at the same time but I won’t spoil anything for you. I could talk about this for literal weeks and now I’m feeling I need to rewatch it all again for the 3rd time.

Good luck writing, although you probably won’t need it. Your writing is incredible as always! I’m also a ✨The Other Woman girlie ✨ so super excited for when you post that.

All my love ❤️

Ahhhhh, yes!! 🤭❤️ I'm still so new to the world of Peaky Blinders and Tommy's character that as soon as I feel comfortable with the storyline and get to know him better, I'll hop on getting his fic written for you! 🥴 I already know he's a hell of a character and his mannerisms are actually gonna be fun to write out fic wise... 👀

I've heard a lot of recommendations and praise for lots of gangster/mafia TV shows but Peaky Blinders is on the tip of everyone's tongues, I swear. 😭😭 I actually hate how little time I have to delve into new media so this one might take me much longer than I expect but it will happen for sure! The series more than just held my interest after the first episode, so we're getting there. 🤭

My goal and aim is the same: keeping it canon!! Tommy needs to be 100% as canon as possible to the fullest so just like my Godfather fics and everything else, you can feel immersed like you're actually speaking with Tommy and right next to him... 🥵 That's why I'm studying the hell out of him and his behaviour when I'm watching the show lmfao.

Thank you so much for all your continued love and support, my beloved!! 🥰✨ I'm so grateful and appreciative for it! Right now we got Chapter 5 of The Other Woman upcoming so we return tenfold to Michael Corleone's arms... where we belong. 😍

[ao3riley]

I saw someone (a friend) posting about their struggle to regain writing mojo after losing it, and I know that this is something a lot of people struggle with. So far I’ve managed to keep going (sort of) even though I’ve been struggling with it somewhat too for the last several years.

So I thought maybe I’d share my list of little things that may or may not help. Try some of them if you can, see if they help you? And if anyone has any good things to add, feel free to share!

Without further ado, the list, in very long form. For the tl;dr, just read the bullet points.

General advice about getting fresh air / exercise, eating healthy, etc.

You’re gonna see this everywhere. I don’t know how much it helps, but I guess it can’t hurt, if you’re able to do so. But having a little comfort food isn’t bad either, so don’t punish yourself unduly in the name of “bettering yourself”.

Consume different media.

This is important to me because of the way I generate ideas. I think of my brain as a machine, and I have to feed it things in order for it to produce things. If I’m constantly feeding it the same things and it’s giving me nothing, it’s time to feed it something else and see if the change helps. Sometimes this generates entirely new ideas that run like mad, sometimes it obliquely gets me through a plot hole that’s stumping me... Maybe it’s just taking my mind off the issue so the ideas can form, who knows?

When I say “different media” I don’t mean anything specific. Books, movies, anime, tv shows, podcasts...whatever is your jam, just go find something new! Ask friends or followers for recommendations if you don’t know where to start.

Create for different media.

This sounds silly, but if you’re a fanfic writer (like me), maybe the thing that’s got you stuck is the fandom (or ‘verse) that you’re writing for? Even if that other fandom work doesn’t go anywhere, it’ll get your brain moving in a different direction, and maybe that’ll kick the stuck gears into motion again.

Start a new piece.

I’ve always got half a dozen (or more, I cry) works in progress laying around, and I try to keep some whacky ideas saved when I have them but don’t have the time or energy to work with them. Sometimes just starting fresh can be a big help, and it may make it easier to go back to the big thing after you take a (productive) break.

Even if you’re still stuck on the big piece, you will have written something, and you’ll feel better about it. That big thing will come back to you if you let it!

Cowrite with someone.

This has actually been a BIG deal for me, and probably one of the biggest things keeping me going. Most of the work I’ve done in the last year has actually been with a cowriter, rather than solo. This does bug me --I have my own pieces that I want to work on, and they’re lagging-- but it does still feel good to get stuff written and stories told.

Here’s the critical part of this though: you have to find a cowriter that you can trust with your stories and that you mesh with, someone who is additive or multiplicative, not subtractive.

What do I mean by this? You and your cowriter need to have a nice comfy Venn diagram of interests and comfort levels when it comes to themes that you’re okay writing. If there’s too little that you have in common, it’ll be hard to create full stories together, right? You’ll be more limited by each other’s comfort zones than helped.

And there’s also the trust issue. If you’re like me, you may be (a little too) protective of your work and your stories. If you’re going to write with someone, you’ll have to trust that they’re not going to just run off with your work.

So I’d recommend talking to friends who are also writers, someone who you can be honest with about your interests and boundaries.

If you can find someone like this, cowriting can be absolutely magical. Someone will suggest something, the other person responds, and before you know it, a silly throwaway joke line becomes 100k+ of text. Sure, you won’t land every idea (I’ve got several that are never seeing the light of day), but there’s something wonderful about the energy you can get from just creating with another person, feeding off of their ideas and adding your own (while cackling like an evil gremlin as you turn up all the dials and your partner sighs before smacking back). It’s an awesome experience that I’d definitely recommend. Maybe it’ll help kick you back into gear to work on your own things after!

That’s all I’ve got off the top of my head (sorry for typos, I’m still recovering from a cold) and I hope it helps someone!

#writing tips

[outofcontexturi]

wed august 17th 2022 journal

I’m hi as hell rn. had to spell it like that cause autocorrect kept fucking with me and ion like that. I’m going into my 3rd year of drama school this September and I’m completely nervous about it. I just can’t believe I’m actually at drama school doing cool things with my life. meeting cool people and actually just living quite bohemian in a way. It’s cool. there’s something so mystifying about it all. alluring. my heart is beating quite fast rn just thinking about it all. im ready. I’m ready to show them all. second year really tried to take my soul from me. just got my pizza. intuition guided me to the door cause it’s 00:35am rn and it was expected to arrive to me at 00:55-1:10am. something higher was calling me I guess. that’s probably a perfect metaphor for what awaits me at the beginning of September. I think I’m gonna miss being a student you know. i think it’s cause I’ve romanticised the idea of what I saw on tv of what it means to be a student. Late nights. Parties. love gone right. love gone wrong. people coming and going. trying to get it right. getting it wrong. getting it right. nights where you feel rich as shit cause student finance dropped vs nights where it’s only pasta and tuna or Lidl brand evenings (not even shitting on Lidl like that; they’re helpful as fuck to nigga. But it’s true man.) early mornings. the travel. the discounts! oh god the discounts. thank god for discounts. we live for the night we will remember with people we won’t forget. just the beginning of the journey for us all. the start point. listening to that motivational playlist on my way to school just to go and live my dream and shit. Be silly for 9 hours everyday. Be the clown so you can laugh at everything. Find humour in it. In the everyday mundane. That’s also another title for how my time has been at LAMDA. I’ve learnt so much on my journey about myself. About my year. About the school. Habits, the good, the bad, the ugly. I learnt about how important it is to pick your tribe wisely cause everyone talks here. And a bad mouth is bad business as far as I’m concerned. I’ve also learnt you have to really trust the process and have faith that you know what you’re doing cause I’ve seen that also the opposite way (when everything goes wrong during a performance) and the consequences that come with that and the self reflection and imposter syndrome that attaches itself to that self reflection too and feeds off your ego. I’ve learnt about how professionalism is a thing that not many of us have. the importance and value of each other’s time and how it can’t be wasted concerning yourself with anything but the goal, anything but the objectives at hand. It serves no one. I’ve learnt how people are. Some people live to lie to people, idk maybe it’s for protection or maybe it’s for manipulation but all I know is I see it in some people and even in myself at times and it’s crazy. I’ve learnt confidence goes a long way. And if I confident in myself that I can achieve anything. I spent many days here angry at myself and my abilities and half assing things in the name of trying not to fuck up or trying to see perfection that stabbed at my confidence and killed it. I had to find my way back to myself. I’m still on that journey now as we speak. I think I’m excited for third year. I’m gonna miss this year and these people. We’ve had one hell of a ride and it’s our last dance (many for the rest of our lives. Others may just be blessed to work with the same member ever again.) we’ll argue, we’ll bitch, we’ll complain, we’ll lash out, we’ll lie, we’ll comfort, we’ll protect, especially interests of ourselves and others close to us, we’ll laugh, we’ll cry, we’ll go alone, we’ll confide in, we’ll do whatever but we’ll always somehow pull it off in performance szn. every time . I remember Vik saying I need to want this shit more because it was looking like I was half assing everything again. And how it takes me a while to warm up to the audience when I’m on stage and he’s only seeing flashes of my brilliance when he wants to see it there from the get go.

#me #journal

[itsnotresilience]

Sorry Voice of Reason, Predni-monster is Uncaged

Since I have been discharged from the hospital by Dr. Dude, who will definitely get his own super special blog post once I’m filled with hulk level rage, I’ve been mainly in our bedroom with people coming to see me for meals or other random things. This allowed for the majority my emotional outbursts related to medication, life drama, and not feeling well, to be in private.

Friday was the first time I was in the family space, positioned on the chaise of the couch. That day, it was mainly my boss and I, who had come to visit with lunch and watch “What we did on our Holiday”. My Puggles came to visit, who I’d missed since my Father-in-Law has been taking care of them on the basement level of our three level house. It was lovely seeing them but instantly overwhelming so only visited with both of them briefly, deciding to crate the puppy to spend more time with my older Puggle and “nurse dog” Nina.*this also isn’t the post to argue or discuss people’s belief systems when it comes to dog training.* Anyway, my boss is incredibly soft spoken and showed me amazing kindness and care. It was a fairly mellow day. It gave me hope that my plan for being down in the family space Saturday for a friend who was planning to visit for some sci-fi movie watching was going to be ok.

Although my friend was not able to make it, an old friend of ours stopped by to check-in on us. I definitely wasn’t prepared for 4 people besides myself, the dogs and the cat and all the encompassing noise, chaos and decisions that come. I love to have people over to our house and right now, these people offer comfort to me and a chance to give my other caretakers a break to do other things they want to do or also even something else to talk about other than my health situation.

The first almost meltdown happened because the TV was too loud. I hadn’t watched much TV since the hospital because I’ve been struggling with a lot of headaches. I closed my eyes and then thought about putting my headphones on and shutting out the world but then the drama became the headphones were drained and we need to charge them and why can’t fuckers make charge cords the same for shit.

For awhile, it felt like every discussion or decision was difficult. I was still incredibly agitated, trying my best to breathe through almost every conversation. To describe how steroids feel internally, it can range from a constant rage stream to a dammed up extreme (insert societal “bad” labeled) emotion waiting to break through at any moment at any random thing or even a thing that could sadden or madden you normally but you’re gonna be turned to 11, instantly.

I won’t talk about my fabulous family here. They have done amazing and are stretched emotionally and physically. I’ve been reaching out on their behalf to get their own support. I’ll just say I feel bad they have to put up with prednimonster and after yesterday, I’m tempted to hide from everyone.

We will call meltdown one “Pulmicort”. Pulmicort is a steroid inhalant (yay more steroids) that I take twice a day. It’s been out of stock since I got out of the hospital and why the fuck they just can’t give you the scripts out the door when apparently they can get all the things super easy and the rest of us have to pass through an American Ninja Warrior obstacle course to get stuff? Anyway on the pharmacy app I was able to see that I could get it sent to another store so I pressed the little app button and moved on. Fast forward an hour later and all of a sudden it’s showing out of stock at the place I ordered from. I flipped out. Just like that. Told Eric to call. Call them and “figure it the fuck out before I drop dead because I can’t breathe”. I then realized I had an audience- my friend, my husband, my FIL, my stepson. I instantly felt shame so intense I wanted to runaway but collapsed going up the stairs and then crawled to the top and cried it out. I had to have my stepson help me back downstairs because I was dizzy and out of breath and needed to lay down.

The second story to illustrate the point was around trying to plan the best place for me today. And talking about how it was for me to be around everyone versus by myself was really hard. I am a people person. I love people. But right now, I don’t want people seeing me like this. This isn’t me. This is awful. And I am hurting people and apologizing and feeling “tolerated” and “difficult” and “exhausting”. As I told my voice of reason last night, I wish I had a “predni-panic room” or a “it’s not you, I’m on prednisone” or could just lock myself in a dark room until whatever this is is over so I can stop disappointing people and pushing people away.

I feel it coming this mass exodus of love from this unlovable predni-monster. I feel the coming loss of job opportunities or the stagnation of my career forever. I feel the endless hours of work and determination it took to rebuild from my last major illness (over a decade) stacking on my shoulders and pushing me into the ground.

The worst part of of this is these drugs that turn me into the most awful version of myself is that they also aren’t making me any better. Voice of reason - I want to shut myself off from everyone and just give up! People say I’m a bad ass bitch! Everyone says I’m strong! I’m weak right now. I want to give up.

It’s easy to read this and not understand why. This drug touches on the absolute most dangerous parts of my mental illness along with a deep rage that I use to fuel so many things in life that basically is now unleashed on whatever and then I instantly panic about abandonment and feel shame.

The predni-monster is unleashed and is so afraid of destroying everything she adores. She may lock herself back in her upstairs cage.

#Spotify

[t3kandson]

Hideout

Wordcount; 1,279

Fandom; AB6IX

Rating; Explicit

Pairing; Reader X Jeon Woong & Reader X Park Woojin

Characters; Jeon Woong, Park Woojin, Kim Donghyun & Lee Daehwi

Warning; angst & Unknown Hostage taking

Notes; chapter 7/12 of part two

Earlier chapters and parts here.

You wept in his arms, tears falling down your cheeks, “your alive,” you sobbed. “We need to go before they find us,” you added as he held you. “Your hand,” he said taking it, you winced at the pain. “Your so cold,” he said giving you his jacket. “Yuto we need to go before they know I’ve escaped,” you cried inpatient at the lack of him moving. “It’s ok they won’t hurt you I promise,” he said as several cars lit up, “what?” you looked confused at him. It was then someone got out the car,

“it’s ok we’re keep you safe, I’m friends with Daehwi, my name’s Taehoon” he said bowing at you. He got his phone out showing you a photo of them all in the mansion that you knew only important people they trusted went to. “He saved me Y/N without him I would be dead, we can trust him,” Yuto confirmed. “Get her a blanket we need to get her somewhere safe,” Taehoon ordered his men.

You snuggled into Yuto as you travelled in the back of the car also carrying Taehoon. Silence filling the air as you leaned into Yuto, his thumb drawing circles on your shoulders. You let sleep wash over you feeling the most safest you had felt in ages. Feeling grateful to Daehwi for coming to your aid and that your words didn’t hurt him as much as you feared. Though you was worried about Woojin and Woong, you suddenly felt as if Daehwi and Donghyun would keep not just you safe but Yuto too.

Your new safe haven was a small underground location. You scoffed when you saw the ladders as Taehoon indicated you needed to climb into what looked like sewers. “I’m not getting down there, like I won’t even fit for starters,” you scoffed. “It’s not idea Y/N, I get that but it’s the safest place, no one knows where this is and we’re doing this to keep that baby safe,” he said looking at you. “Rats aren’t safe around baby’s,” you said raising an eyebrow. “It’s not as bad as you think,” Taehoon replied smiling, “I promise,” he added. You looked around, the sun warming your skin, the fresh air hitting your face as you gulped before making your way down the ladder, Yuto going down first to help you.

The chilled stifled air made you shiver when you reached the bottom. “We have heaters in the rooms,” Taehoon reassured you. Though the corridor was muddy, scruffy and smelt damp and musty. The room Taehoon opened was colourful and bright. “This is the living room, theres a tv radio and everything,” he pointed to the side of the room which was kitted up with decent electronics. “Even a Xbox,” he smirked at Yuto, who smiled back causing you to roll your eyes.

He took you both to the next room slightly smaller then the first. The small kitchen wasn’t as colourful but was kitted out with decent amount of kitchen applicants. You opened the fridge, it was full of healthy foods. “It’s so you eat deliciously,” Taehoon said smiling as you sought comfort in the care Daehwi was placing you in.

The next room was a bathroom, again wasn’t as splendid but it did a big bath, making you a little excited, you had got fed up of the basin. The last room was your bedroom, a double bed that was similar to the four poster bed that you stayed in at the estate. Your face blushed holding your stomach as the baby kicked, Woong’s words of getting you pregnant filling your mind.

“You ok?” Yuto asked placing his hand over your stomach. “Yeah the baby’s giving me a kicking session,” you chuckled. He smiled kissing your forehead, you laced your hands with his. “I’ll leave you two to reunite and everything. I need to go and find out what’s going on, I’ll be in contact soon,” he said smiling as he left you both.

Yuto brushed a piece of your hair behind your ears, kissing your jaw as he did. “I’m glad your safe,” he whispered, “I’m glad your alive,” you replied falling into his arms. His hands stroking your shoulder as his thumb caressed your collar bone. His lips returned to your jaw, you turned your neck avoiding his lips but they brushed your neck, the kisses softly made it’s way up towards your ear. He placed his hands around your ass bringing you closer pushing you into his bulge, you jolted at the touch startling him. “I need a bath Yuto do you mind if I get cleaned up,” you said panicking about the close contact between you both. He looked disappointed but nodded leaving you to your bath.

Yuto had tried a couple times over what felt like weeks while hiding out. You had used the baby as an excuse to not going further every time his kisses got too erotic for your liking. You wasn’t ready to sleep with anyone that wasn’t Woojin, not yet, not when you was possibly carrying his child.

You had lost count how long you had been away from your normal life. You started to worry about the baby not having any check ups since your last scan. “How long have we been here?” you asked Taehoon, “3 and a half months,” he said looking at you. Concerned you counted in your head, you heart stopped, “the baby’s due in less then a month,” you shrieked. “What you can’t tell that?” Taehoon asked his eyebrow raised. “I’ve never been pregnant before and well yeah it feels like the baby gets heavier every second let alone day,” you said. “Well if she has her mummy’s appetite that’s probably why,” Yuto scoffed. You froze, you hadn’t told him the gender of your baby. “What makes you think it’s a girl?” you asked looking at him, his face froze as it paled as he looked to Taehoon.

“Sorry that was me, Daehwi told me, I let it slip, sorry,” Taehoon said looking guilty which would had reassured you if you didn’t catch a look between them seconds after. You suddenly felt as if they was keeping things from you. “Anyhow what items do you need for the baby?” Taehoon asked. “You know for the labour and stuff,” he added.

“Wait! what? I can’t have this baby in a hospital?” You gasped. His face dropped and you stood up, “no, I have been hiding for god knows how long, not had any care for this baby and you think I’m having the baby down here with no medical care or midwife or nothing. No way, not happening, you can tell that family to fuck off. I rather face what ever it is I’m hiding from,” you ranted. “Y/N this isn’t a game, your here for yours and that baby’s safety,” Taehoon said standing up to comfort you. “But I’ll speak to Daehwi about getting a midwife ready or something, your right it’s dangerous to have this baby unprepared,” he reassured you. “Please tell them to sort it out I can’t bring up a baby down here,” you cried as he comforted you.

You could hardly sleep and was tossing and turning. Yuto was ignoring you, you had a small argument when you turned his advantages down a few hours prior. Your daughter was pummelling you and it was really beginning to start hurting. You waddled to the kitchen making yourself a drink when you heard a blast come from the corridor, you froze in the spot.

When the door opened you almost fainted when Woong and Woojin was both standing their.

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Masterlist

#kpopidol #fiction #kpop smut #ab6ix smut #park woojin smut #jeon woong smut #park woojin #jeon woong #lee daehwi #kim donghyun #mafia smut