#I'm going to take a deep breath now

[sophieswundergarten]

.

#Holy cow #I found my first forgotten attempt at fanfiction the other day #AND I WROTE IT IN FIRST PERSON #I'm gagging over whatever on earth this abomination is #(It's not MBS in case anyone's wondering) #I just kind of forgot I had this hidden somewhere #But it's kind of nice to see how much I've improved in the last couple of years #SUCH AS REALISING THAT FIRST PERSON IS A GARBAGE WAY TO WRITE #Not that I think anyone who does that is bad #I just don't like it for my own writing #But man was that weird #I see now why you guys do these nothing posts with rambles in the tags #It's kind of nice to have a release #I need to write more about Sticky #I want to #But it's on the list with my Cannonball fic and Wolf 359 ideas and also that Enlil fic I'm supposed to be working on right now #Yeesh Sophie chill out #Okay. #I'm going to take a deep breath now #Sorry to anyone who read this #Love you #I hope you're having a good day #rambles

[miralyk]

another orbit around the sun finished...! here's to continuing on 🎇

#my art #not much i can say esp bc i'm still p bittersweet about so much that's happened #but... yeah...! life will keep going and i'm now taking a deep breath taking in the night air and fireworks #happy new year #2024 #update: fixed the caption to be accurate bc i mixed up earth’s rotation = 1 day and earth’s orbit around the sun = 1 year LMAO

[kaddyssammlung]

About those comments saying that Vessel is autistic

I keep coming across the same things and idk it kind of bothers me. Those discussions weather Vessel is on the spectrum or not. I will not discuss this in any form. I do have a moral line that I don't cross. But I will contribute to this in a different way.

You know me, right? Probably not so let me start by saying this: I have Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) and also have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD or Childhood Trauma).

I've been aware of my BPD since I was about 16. That was 20 years ago. That's quite a long time. I was not aware of CPTSD until July of 2020. Even then I did not really “go” into this direction and kept looking away from my traumatic experiences.

How could this happen?

Yeah well. Sh*t happens.

Let's take a closer look.

This chart shows where BPD, CPTSD and ASD overlap but also the differences.

Let's take dissociation as an example. This is something that I struggle with a lot. Today for example I am dissociated to the point where I have physical reactions. It's not always the same. But right now I can't feel my hands and my arms and also I just feel empty. I'm using this state of being right now to write to you because it's not easy for me to talk about this topic.

I was aware of dissociation being a symptom of BPD but never thought about it also being a symptom of CPTSD. I never really looked behind that symptom. I was familiar with it being part of me and that was it. I never looked into the direction of there being potential trauma. Until that traumatized child destroyed the beliefs that I had about my life so far. My world broke apart when I realized what was done to me. And also I was already 32 when I had that realization. It can take many years to even being able to acknowledge something like that.

You see why it is kind of hard to be diagnosed or why it is hard to even see this for yourself.

There are humans out there who claim certain things about Vessel.

Like I said this is where I draw my personal line. I would never say that he has this and that. It feels unethical since I don't know him. It is up to him to address this if there is something that needs to be addressed.

Do I personally feel like he could be in there somewhere? Yeah, sure. Based on what he writes you can place him in this chart somewhere. (I said could and not that he is).

Idk that's what I wanted to say for quite some time now. Thank you.

If you are interessted in learning more:

Here is the video where I stole that chart from. I value her opinion because she also realized quite late in her life that she has childhood trauma. She is a therapist btw.

#sleep token #sleep token worship #mental health #childhood trauma #complex ptsd #actually bpd #bpd relatable #autism #asd #trauma recovery #Youtube #I'm triggered by my own writing again...so much honesty...I need to go outside now and take a few deep breaths #I'm fine btw...most of the times #I really believe that we can learn from each other...maybe someone out there can identify with what I said

[yohankang]

my tattoo artist: get a good night's sleep before tomorrow!!

me: yeah i'll do that :)

me: *starts packing and ironing clothes at 11pm when she needs to get up at 5am*

#also i got an angry call from work because i fucked something up. so now i'm going to cry and think about it for the whole weekend haha :) #fr tho my chest hurts it's fucking bad #i mean my mistake is not /that/ major but i really suck at this job and i hate it and every time something happens i just. spiral #i'll be fine later but i need to be dramatic first you know the drill #but god why now. can't i have a ond nice weekend #alright i'm going to take a few deep breaths. then listen to some naruto ops. and finish packing and go to sleep 😴 #4 hours of sleep is still better than none #k.txt

[fuckyeahchinesefashion]

trailer of shenhai (deep sea) from the same studio of monkey king: hero is back | director: tian xiaopeng 田晓鹏

#china #video #movie #animation #i've been waiting this movie for so long #tian xiaopeng spent seven years on this #i'm going to take a deep breath #because tragedy news #it won't be released this year #because it hasn't pass the censorship of china film administration #c草泥马比广电中宣去死去死去死去死去死啊 #j贱人 #b被韩国影视文化按在地上摩擦是活该的 #sorry for my bad language #anyway #it's supposed to be released on national day #now everyone can't watch it in the cinema #chinese netizens are furious now lol #they call those censorship officials 老不死的 #those so-called theme films with national ideology will be released during national holiday #so apparently they don't schedule other films with real quality to attract audiences #weibo comments be like good we won't go watching any movies this national holiday #it is said that china film administration made many suggestions on how to modify the script #of course if the director compromises the script will be destroyed #same thing already happened to new gods: yang jian #the original script of yang jian is much much better #and many gorgeous scenes are deleted

[whelvenwings]

Being in love is like. The most beautiful places on earth don't cut it any more but I just saw a miracle of the old world kind when you smiled in the cereal aisle

#wubble #don’t mind me just posting at random today #i'm like going through it a bit #i'm fuckin thousands of miles away from 99% of people i know #including my partner who i miss so bad being away from them feels like constantly touching a hot stove #and i'm ill and i'm hungry and i'm too anxious to go find myself food #and there's no one to help i just gotta get over myself and go find food again it's literally fine but like #i feel so whiny and also these feelings are so real help #i'm frightened to get more ill so far from home so i have to eat and take care of myself #and i'm so poor right now #and i'm running through my savings just trying to stay afloat #and stuff is happening at home that i need to be there for #and i'm hungry #ACH #okay #this turned into a whole thing #deep breath #everything is headed in a good direction #i have an amazing amazing partner i love you ali i love you #i have a new job that means a bit more money coming in #it's all gonna be alright #and i need to go get food

[pocketramblr]

How dare they make me so angry that I don't even want to post the Tensaki fic I was so excited to start. I'm shaking. AhhhHHHHHHHH

#if i had claws that could rend and tear if i could breathe fire if i could #ok I'm taking deep breaths now and this is probably an extreme reaction. there are more deserving things to wish i could arson. #but i am still furious. #truly fear leads to anger which just instantly jumps into suffering. more deep breaths. #ok im going to play a little word game and calm down and reread the chapter i want to post #and if it cheers me up :) then i will post :) #and all two of the other people who care about tensaki will smile with me :) #delete later

[nysus-temple]

It's incredible, in the wrong way, that this needs to be said, but...

Wikipedia is not a primary source.

Look, I use it too, sometimes it can work, but you can't jump at anyone going “did you know that—” and then answering that you read it on Wikipedia. Most of the places where the info comes from are not primary sources, but secondary ( or even not true ), from later authors. And unless those authors list their actual primary sources for their works, then they're not reliable.

So, please, don't use the well-known “argument of the ignorant” to justify your facts you made up. For the ones who don't know, that argument consists in "if there are no sources saying that THIS didn't happen, then is possible it has happened and we don't know!" Those, dear, are theories, not sources nor arguments.

I know getting primary sources is hard, but that doesn't justify misinformation, sorry if that broke your heart into pieces, buddy.

#spent 3 years of researching info about Dionysus. still going. #some random peeps spread misinformation. they get a lot of attention #people jump at me saying i'm wrong. according to the Wikipedia or to any modern author #it just. screws me up a little. you know #i know this blog is made for fun. and i try to act civil everytime #but. just. seeing people act like this. makes my motivation go away #Dionysus wasn't born the 25th of December! Shut the fuck up! Please! #that's just a little piece of everything that can cause misinformation #and not just Dionysus. yeah. he's just the main figure of this blog. shock. i know #guess i will pin this. or whatever. just leave researchers alone #if you're gonna come up with that bullshit #don't even get me started on how natives are treated towards the misinformations of they culture #stories. and history #i hate each and every last one of you. who has ever done things like that #time to take deeps breathes now #rant #wikipedia #sources

[mal-zoya]

so wait a fucking minute v.e. schwab is gay, all the main characters are bi and WE ARE STILL STUCK ON A GENERIC STRAIGHT LOVE TRIANGLE???? HOW????

#the invisible life of addie larue #i shouldn't have started reading this book #absolute mistake #i haven't been this pissed about writing choices for a while #i was so excited when henry was revealed as bi i was like heck yeah finally some good fucking food #maybe some spicy interaction between henry luc and/or addie??? #NO #one scene one fucking scene and that was it? ARE YOU SERIOUS??? #lady you are gay and you can write gay so well when it comes to it AND THIS IS WHAT YOU GIVE ME???? #the first half of the book is meh i barely remember it - the second half is simultaneously super interesting and raising my blood pressure #i'm sorry i know i'm going off here #i just don't understand how can you fail like that FOR NO REASON #i'm- #so upset right now and that's an understatement #it's not that bi people can't be in straight relationships it's not about that #it's about having interesting characters and plot and throw them into the most boring narrative choice ever #-> m/f/m love triangle #*takes a deep breath* #anyways

[flowercrowngods]

I'm taking your post as permission to poke and prod and say, 'you can do it!'

Don't let this chapter kick your butt, you got this!!

it's kicking my butt :( it really, really is

#thank you friend I appreciate you so much 🤍🥺😭 #but I'm really losing. and I refuse to yield but GOD with every sentence there's another thing I should be writing instead because #there is so much going on inside his head and there's flashbacks there's memories there's fear there's focus there is trauma #there is obsessive thoughts. so many of them now. he's spiralling but GOD so am I and I cannot make sense of it. or make nonsense of it #in a way that's like clever and fun to read and GOD fucking dammit why is trauma like that? why is terror like that and fucking-- #like. sometimes people tell me 'you write so viscerally' and I'm like. buddy I'm gonna take your word for it :D #but now I'm like I literally cannot breathe trying to write this. and I know I dont have to but I *wanna* #*sigh* I'm being so dramatic legit it's not even that deep probably (or that good in the end) but!!! my heart hurts and my throat is closed #up. clogged. just 800 disjointed jumbled words in and. god. yeah. no. I'm losing actually

[lunasilvis]

Gradually shifting into a sunnier mood and it feels kinda good 🌞 I also managed to fix an advancing mechanical/electrical issue today with my bass amplifier which was becoming a bigger annoyance by day :/ cheers to diy'ing household (or traditionally masculine) issues as a woman, forever

#*I actually had to solder some wiring for the amplifier repair lol. I'm invincible 8) #Sometimes - catalyzed by other stuff - the past plays on a loop until it challenges/destroys my otherwise consistent sense of self-worth #It's a tough cookie. all I need to do is stay grounded + turn my face in the direction of the present and future instead + remind myself I' #not defined by it. for I've evolved brand new and my current life + the opportunities I have right now kick ass #it's all cool! I deserve the best so that's what I'll be after (of course all whilst sharing the goodness - #because I want to engage the people I love in the fun much as I could. Shine a light & shine together & learn from eachother) #Take a deep breath. Go outside. Build connections. Bust some dance moves in my kitchen. Smile because life's forgiving like that #personal #also working out really helps get that fine ass sense of self-worth back with easee :)

[kennabeth]

as someone who's seen both the x files and read the inkheart series do you also see a similarity between mulder and mo??? both of them have someone disappear in their lives and seem to perpetually victimize themselves because of it. also hot headed and kind of rash and self righteous. just realized this myself

congrats on sending my absolute favorite ask i've ever received omg

i 500% see exactly what you mean--i've been thinking about this the past few days and there are so many examples i think of mo's mulder-esque rashness but when basta says he's going to start maiming meggie in inkheart to make mo read and mo doesn't even change his expression or say anything and just pitches the mug of boiling water at basta's head has GOT to be something mulder actually did in the show. has to be.

idk if you're familiar with the absolute funniest txf post on the entire internet ("ever heard of the knife alien") but the energy coming off of that is the exactly how it feels when mo tries to explain how the reading thing works.

person: "there's no way that person over there is a book character you brought to life. that's just ridiculous"

mortimer: "ever heard of fucking magic"

and resa as samantha?? i could spend Y E A R S thinking on what that says about her since we never find out what happened for sure to samantha and honestly get to decide which of the possible options we like best.. which is so in-theme with inkheart in general i want to weep. samantha's story is always told FOR her and she never got the chance to have any agency in it which. whew. is so exactly what resa was furious about in inkdeath (how the inkworld is a world for men but she will not stand by and let them tell her story for her yk!!). even before we find out in inkheart that resa is alive and well (well. not really) there's so much speculation about where she could be, why she would have left (from the people who don't know she got sucked into the book), what she's like now that i refuse to believe cornelia didn't watch the sht out of txf and internalize it even by accident. ain't no way.

detour over--mo and mulder both just. THRIVE on being the designated Sad Boy in the room. mulder does because he's an attention whore but i think it's the only way mo feels validated in a grief he can never fully explain to people for fear of looking like he believes bigfoot came from the fucking moon. he certainly doesn't have peers he confides in even in a casual, non-magic-related capacity (all of the folcharts being such crippling loners is kind of funny; someone remind me to come back to that one day) so he needs everyone he comes into contact with to acknowledge his pain without letting them actually know him. so he--for lack of a better term--acts out and gets himself into the dumbest possible situations. always tells stories like he's the only one affected by whatever happened (unless the other possible victims are resa or meggie ofc) (and this isn't rabid dustfinger-stan!kenna talking, i'm thinking about the lack of empathy for fenoglio's grandchildren being traumatized, the dismissive "wow that sucks" when strolling players were killed because of him (although maybe we can argue he just didn't feel like meggie needed to hear that idk)).

all that's up until inkdeath which is so obviously and magnificently his book. his rise above victimhood to become the avenging angel fenoglio thought he was casting as cosimo is so gorgeously written i feel like i should send cornelia $50 for rereading privileges. and that's where he and mulder finally diverge i think--and it's not quite fair to mulder because so much of his character was dependent on duchovny but mans really just took tf off on his gf and their tiny baby, had no contact with her, took no responsibility, lowkey becoming scully's samantha for a while lmao.

#my apologies for how long this took to answer and for the other asks i still need to respond to #been a rough few weeks physically and mentally but i'm back bitches #unfortunately i'm back at 2 fucking am and will be having a bad day tomorrow because of it lmao #inkheart #mo folchart #says kenna #when this ask came through i was at work and had to go outside and take a deep breath that's how good an observation this is #also it feels so good to actually write on my computer #bullshitting in my tags on my phone is so fun but now i'm mad at all the good stuff i've said the past few weeks #that i left to rot in my tags #because i didn't want to turn my computer on

[oveliagirlhaditright]

Can I just say that one of my pet peeves in fandom... is when someone knows that an author hadn't thought of something at a certain time, and yet they still go back to something that was there before that thing existed and are like, "This is clearly referencing this." No. No, it is not.

Unrelated to that... but this is also becoming a pet peeve, because why--oh why--do I have to be in a number of fandoms that have done this very strange and obsessive thing: writing a freaking novel, pretty much, trying to prove how everyone is wrong in believing canon, and that your fan theory is actually correct and what the author intended. A lot of the time this is about shipping, but not always.

#apparently i'm feeling kind of salty right now. oops #i just... i kind of feel like if you've done the latter you've maybe become too involved in that fandom and need to go outside and take a #deep breath of fresh air #actually. you know what. maybe there is something that connect these two thoughts: i'm sick of fans acting like authors are infallible gods #when they are NOT #*connects

[icharchivist]

give me the strength to not reply to the stupid and condescending addition someone just made on my 31k post that broke containment and was just supposed to be me ranting a little and didn’t invite people to start defending the thing i’m ranting about, give me strength.

#why are some people so pressed about fighting for the integrity of a Live action disney movie directed by the Russos #i'm so annoyed at the people going 'yeah but this movie is full of popculture reference that were already cringe back then' #'so it's no surprise they're doing it now' #yeah??? that's why i said every words were unpleasant??? #because i don't trust /the russos/ with updating that??? #and please oh my god disney's LI's trackrecord is bad enough this isn't the hill you should go die for #go defend the one that people are trashing for the wrong reasons ie their rascism #not the post saying the tiktokification of this one will be very bad #the post was one tweet and one reaction image how am i being misread this badly #at least it's only by like 3 people over 31k #takes a deep sigh and breathe. #not worth my time this was already not worth my time when i posted it #anyway!!! #ichasalty

[theseancekid]

bruh

#idk WHAT i did to deserve this bad karma but like. the universe really said 'fuck this girl in particular' oh my god #*deep breath* #so yesterday during our company holiday party i got the call that my mom was going to the hospital #i work an hour and a half away from home so by the time i was able to leave the party and come home it was super late #i liver in northern california which if you haven't heard the news is due for a BATSHIT INSANE CYCLONE STORM #so all the roads are fucking closed and everyone is freaking out #turns out my mom has pneumonia in her right lung and can't breathe but ON TOP of that there's some other weird shit going on #so they admitted her to stay overnight #but- here's the FUCKING KICKER #my mom was born with type 1 diabetes so she needs insulin to like. live. #but apparently the doctors REFUSED to let her change her insulin pump because THEY wanted to be in control of ministering insulin #in order to track the other thyroid levels that were off to begin with #but then someone fucked up and long story short they just. never ordered insulin overnight?? #her blood sugar went SUPER HIGH #eventually they got her some insulin and she's fine but like. that's literal malpractice #so ANYWAY mom's in the hospital and like. even BEFORE the hospital and the storm my work has been KICKING MY ASS #i have 3 overdue projects and too much on my plate. i'm drowning. #now i have to take time off work to be with my mom and ALSO!!! #since my mom is now in the hospital i will also need to drive my sister to college which is 4 hours away #so now i'm missing work and driving 8 hours during the worst cyclone storm that has literally out-scaled the scaling system #oh and also we've been living in an airbnb for the last 4 months so LOL every single rain coat umbrella and rainboots i own are in storage #girl idk what to do but i'm SUFFERING

[pearl-kite]

Okay finished the phone screen interview, and I think it went well but that won't matter if I didn't pass the screening tests, which the lady didn't seem to know I had already completed, so we'll see

Good news, right before that I got a call to set up an interview for a more local position, so things are going all right

My side hurts 🙃

#kite rambles #mostly just hurts if I move wrong #or breathe too deep #idk if it's cracked or bruised but it SUCKS either way #anyway apparently the next step is a 'more comprehensive interview' #that would take around 4 hours 😶 #like interviewing multiple different people and maybe giving a presentation? idk man can't I just... like... get the job blease #but I am happy to hear back from the local one too #though she said they got a lot of highly qualified applications #which... makes sense #when I went to talk to the union president of the school district about resigning #he said that he'd been talking to one person or another about possible resignations every week or two #so like #yikes #OW #idk how I didn't fuck up my shoulder or hit my head but I guess just a rib is better than it could have been #I didn't get to go get my coffee though and now I'm sleepy v_v #gonna go get coffee now